Work Text:
TITLE: Prince Henry and FSOTUS Alex Claremont-Diaz Take a Couples Quiz
LENGTH: 18m 13 s (eighteen minutes thirteen seconds)
STATUS: Final Draft, Ready for Publication
PROJECTED PUB DATE: June 8, 2023
CAMERA A , a center shot. HRH HENRY, Prince of Wales is seated in a collapsible chair on the left, FSOTUS ALEX Claremont-Diaz is in one to the right. The backdrop is a baby blue on the left fading into lavender on the right. HRH HENRY is wearing a simple white button down with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top few buttons undone. His dress pants are a deep purple tartan. ALEX is wearing a magenta short-sleeved silk button down shirt, also with a few of the top buttons undone. He’s paired the bold shirt with black, leather dress pants. Each of them holds a stack of cards in their hands.
ALEX
I have not done that in years. In fact, I have not done that since I met you.
HENRY
You love it when I speak French.
ALEX
Yes. You specifically. Minus a point.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Hi y’all, I’m Alex Claremont-Diaz…
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
And I’m Prince Henry, and we are taking the GQ Couples Quiz.
TITLE CARD, BACKGROUND CAMERA A, center shot. Text overlay in the center which reads “GQ Couples Quiz.”
HENRY
I’m guessing first so you can see what you have to overcome to win. And also because I think you’re going to be the harsher judge.
ALEX
Unfortunately I think you’re going to be very good at this since you already correctly guessed that I am going to hold you to a high standard here. Especially because I’m pretty sure you got a fact sheet which covered a few of these.
HENRY
First of all, that was several years ago. Second, you also got a fact sheet.
ALEX
Yes but only 25 percent of that turned out to be true, sweetheart.
HENRY
Just get on with it.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
It starts off easy. What was my college major?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Government.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Correct! That would have been embarrassing if you didn’t know that one.
HENRY
Even if I didn’t know that’s clearly the best guess I could’ve come up with.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Where did I go to high school?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
It was…it was just Austin High School wasn’t it?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Yup. Go Maroons! You got lucky though, most cities in the US don’t have a high school that straight up shares the same name as the city.
HENRY
We did drive by it though. I remember, it’s on the lake.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX. ALEX nods at Henry with a smile.
ALEX
Good memory. What is my favorite food?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Like if you could have anything?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Like if I could just magically have whatever I wanted appear on this plate right now.
HENRY
Probably your abuela’s tamales.
Switch to CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
[nods] Okay these are getting a little trickier now. What is my favorite TV show or movie?
Switch to CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Hmmm. Can I say multiple options for each one? Or do I have to stick to one?
ALEX
I’ll let you say multiple but if you say one that’s clearly wrong you don’t get the point even if you get a right one.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Fair enough. Okay. Shows, you re-watch West Wing and Parks and Rec the most. We’re kind of basic about Netflix shows. I mean we’ve watched Stranger Things, Sex Education, Elite, and Umbrella Academy. You loved the first six seasons of Game of Thrones. You also love watching Drag Race, but that’s with other people.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Yeah that’s like a communal thing. It was originally just me and Nora though. I’ll give you those. Movies?
HENRY
Favorite Star Wars is Empire, and though you love them I don’t know if it’s your all time favorite. You love a good early 2000s film like Legally Blonde, Mean Girls, She’s the Man…
ALEX
Yeah I kind of just have comfort movies. Like Oscar-nominated movies are great but the ones I come back to over and over are the ones June and I watched growing up. So I’ll give you those.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
What’s my biggest fear?
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Oh Christ. I mean, not to come off as self-centered, but losing me?
ALEX
True, and like other loved ones. There’s probably one other one that’s also close.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Failure, but in terms of disappointing others as a result of your failure.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Bingo! Bonus point for the scary accuracy.
ALEX
Lighter note. What is my guilty pleasure?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Er, I need to think about that one.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Me too honestly.
HENRY
[grinning] Ok I have two. One I have personally observed and one Nora told me about.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Oh shit.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
So the first one is being cuddled, which I don’t think you feel that guilty about, but specifically being the little spoon or having me kind of surround you. You complain about me being taller and broader but you secretly don’t mind it.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Ugh, correct. But I also still hate it.
HENRY
And the other one…
ALEX
I’m fucking nervous.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Nora once told me that you watch videos of politicians speaking other languages.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX. ALEX looks directly into the camera.
ALEX
First of all, Nora, you are dead to me. [Turns to face HENRY] Second of all, I haven’t done that in years. In fact, I haven’t done that since I met you.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
You love it when I speak French.
ALEX
Yes. You specifically. Minus a point.
HENRY
It doesn’t work like that.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
I’m the captain now. You’ll get your turn next.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Fine.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
What’s my favorite wardrobe item?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Hmmm. This is tricky. Honestly I don’t know what your own favorites are for yourself but I know what are your favorites from mine that you steal for yourself. And what you like on me.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Ok I’ll clarify. What is my favorite item to wear? Honestly that makes it a lot easier on you.
HENRY
Easy then. My Oxford jumper. Also my ratty old Christmas jim jams.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
[nods] What was the first campaign I officially worked on?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Ugh I feel like this is a trick question somehow.
HENRY
I want to say your mum’s first campaign. But you just did appearances, you were still in high school for over half of it.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Correct.
HENRY
And your dad was running back then too right? Because he just got re-elected in November.
ALEX
Also correct. I’ve trained you well young Padawan.
HENRY
But I think you worked on a campaign before 2020.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Yes. But whose was it?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
The only person who makes sense is Raf.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Rafael Luna, final answer?
HENRY
Rafael Luna, final answer.
ALEX
You are…correct! Congratulations.
HENRY
That was a tricky one.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
What’s my biggest pet peeve?
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Incompetent people.
ALEX
Holy shit that was fast. And like, true. But I think it’s supposed to be like my biggest pet peeve that you do.
HENRY
Well…sticking to the theme, probably when I shrink things in the dryer or accidentally wash something new and the colors run.
ALEX
That’s a good one. You’re not incompetent at many things but…laundry is one of them.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Who was the last person I texted?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Are you kidding me?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
That’s what the question says.
HENRY
It could be literally anyone.
ALEX
It literally could not be. Are you even an English major?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
I loathe you.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
You love me. Anyways, name who it was.
CAMERA A, center shot. HENRY is resting his head on hand while his finger strokes his chin, appearing to be deep in thought.
HENRY
You haven’t texted since we were in makeup and that wasn’t me. So I’ve narrowed it down by one. I’m just going to have to guess. Was it Nora?
ALEX
Nope! Honestly a good guess though, I was texting her in the car on the ride here about that George Santos interview.
HENRY
Well then who was it?
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
It was Pez [wiggles eyebrows], the makeup artist was telling me about this new brand of foundation for non-pasty skin tones and I was asking Pez if he’d heard of it.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
I don’t even feel bad about not getting that point.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
You were sitting next to me, you easily could’ve picked up on who it was.
HENRY
Whatever.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Where were my parents born?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Your mum was born in Texas.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
That’s like me saying you were born in England. Be more specific.
HENRY
I wasn’t finished. It’s part of her nickname…the Lometa Longshot. Lometa, Texas.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
And my dad?
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
I want to say your dad was born in LA. Or at least the LA area.
ALEX
Final answer?
HENRY
No. Because when we went out and visited him in LA you took me down the coast to see where your dad grew up.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
[looks at cards] Mmmm.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
It’s another San. San…Diego?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Nice. Those were trickier, I’ll give you a point for each of those.
HENRY
Just trying to stay in Ellen and Oscar’s good graces.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Ha, you don’t have to worry about that. I think they like you more than they like me. What is my proudest moment?
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Of yourself? I think probably your coming out speech. Otherwise moments where you’ve felt the proudest overall have probably been for your mum or June or me.
ALEX
Excellent answer. You know me so well.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
What are three things I’ve taught you?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Well you taught me laundry and cooking but they’re both still works in progress.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Agreed but I’ll give them to you.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
I’d say how to be brave but you’ll argue with me. [Alex nods] So I’ll say…how to love myself.
ALEX looks at HENRY with his eyes shining, his bottom lip jutting out a bit.
ALEX
Aw, baby. I love you.
HENRY smiles back at ALEX softly. Switch to CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
If I could go anywhere right now, where would I go?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Your dad’s lakehouse.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
100%.
ALEX
Who is my favorite actor? It just says that but I’m also gonna just say actress as well.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Harrison Ford. My dad. Pedro Pascal. Zendaya and Tom.
ALEX
Haha there’s kinda two categories there. But yeah, Zendaya and Tom Holland are great, I was so excited to meet them.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Almost a follow up question. Who is my celebrity crush?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
See previous question.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Yeah, that's too boring. The better one is who were my first celebrity crushes.
HENRY
You don’t get to just change the questions.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
You will get your turn to make the rules. And I have been a very generous judge.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
[rolls eyes] I suppose you could have been worse. Alright. Are we including men and women, even though you weren’t aware you were crushing on the men?
ALEX
Honestly I was hardly even aware of my first female crushes, so yes.
HENRY
Alright. Men: Han Solo. So like Harrison Ford, but specifically as Han Solo.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Half a point. There’s another guy too. [smirks]
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
I have no clue. A Jonas brother?
ALEX
No, but a good guess. June and I were Disney Channel kids.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
I need a hint.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
It’s so stupidly obvious that I don’t think you’re gonna guess it.
HENRY
I have no earthly idea. Who is it?
ALEX
You, dumbass. C’mon, you literally know the whole story.
HENRY
I know what you’re referring to, I just didn’t include myself in the celebrity category when I was thinking back on the childhood crushes you’ve talked about.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Well that’s on your own lack of self-awareness. Now the girl?
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Can I get another hint? I don’t remember the female celebrities from our childhood all that well. Especially not the ones that were big over here.
ALEX
Yeah this could be tricky for you. In this case it is a Disney person.
HENRY
I don’t think you were a Miley kid.
ALEX
She was cool and like “Party in the U.S.A.” is a total bop but I didn’t have a crush on her.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Who else was on around that time? Was Selena Gomez on then?
CAMERA B, close up ALEX.
ALEX
She was…
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Selena Gomez?
ALEX
That’s right! We were big Wizards of Waverly Place fans. She was also from Texas and her character's name was Alex. Which like it would be weird to date someone with my name, but I was like 10, so.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Fortunately you don’t have to worry about the name thing anymore.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
What is my favorite song?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
This is impossible.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
I believe in you.
HENRY
Your favorite song to dance to in a club or at a party is “Get Low.” [Alex nods] You have a lot of other favorites depending on your moods...your favorite to play on the record is “Rich Girl.” [Henry pauses and thinks for a moment] I’m just going to say the one I feel like you won’t say no to. “Your Song” but played by me on the piano.
ALEX
There were a lot of answers I would’ve probably accepted, but that might be the most correct.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
What is my favorite hobby?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
You don’t really have hobbies.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
You’re not wrong, but I can think of two things that could qualify.
HENRY
Is doom scrolling a hobby?
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Fuck off. No.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Reading the news?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Hobbies are for fun. I don’t read the news for fun, I read it to stay up to date on the world.
HENRY
You like grilling and cooking?
ALEX
Yeah that’s one of the ones I was thinking of.
HENRY
What’s the other one?
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Running.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Do you do that for fun? Or fitness?
ALEX
It’s a stress reliever. So it counts.
HENRY rolls his eyes. Switch to CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Who was my first kiss?
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Some girl when you were like 13, I don’t know her name!
ALEX
Correct. The question was actually about our first kiss but that’s boring. I know you remember. And it’s one of the few details not included in the emails, so I’ll keep that for us.
ALEX and HENRY smile at one another softly.
ALEX
You were pretty good at that sweetheart. You got this many [points in air above head at text which reads “20.5/19”] right!
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Alright, once again starting off easy. What’s my full name?
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Henry George Edward James Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
7 out of 7. But one point. I expect you to know that.
ALEX
Fair enough.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
What’s my go-to drink order?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Gin and tonic.
HENRY
[nods] What did I study at uni?
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
English Literature.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Yes. Oh this is more interesting. What was my first public appearance?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Besides leaving the hospital?
HENRY
That doesn’t count.
ALEX
Hmmm. Oh I know! We just went to one. A christening. Thank you Princess Elizabeth.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Correct. What is my guilty pleasure?
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Besides being a total introvert?
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Besides that.
ALEX
You honestly have so many to choose from. It’s just a matter of which ones I want to reveal.
HENRY
I have fewer than I used to.
ALEX
Right, I mean, that’s what coming out of the closet will do for you. Okay so an obvious one is Bake Off.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
I’m not really guilty about that one. I own that one.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Fine. Letting David sleep in bed with you. You complain about it but you definitely don’t mind it.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
I mind it more now but generally that’s correct.
ALEX
Oh, facemasks!
HENRY
Alex I’m giving you the point but no extras. Move on.
ALEX
Well then ask the next question.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
What is my favorite TV show or movie?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
TV shows: Bake Off, Drag Race, Queer Eye. You also enjoy Merlin reruns.
HENRY
Yes to all of the above.
ALEX
Movies: for Star Wars it’s Return of the Jedi [grimace], the 2005 Pride and Prejudice and also Fire Island. Your favorite of your dad’s movies is one of his old silly 80s kid movies, we watched it last Christmas. I think it’s called… Rabbit Warren ?
Switch to CAMERA C, close up of HENRY. HENRY has a look of awe on his face as he looks at ALEX.
HENRY
Yes. Impressive. Wow. I feel like that’s worth an extra point.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
I do pay attention sometimes.
HENRY
What is my favorite wardrobe item?
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
I feel like you love your sunglasses, Burberry scarf, and my Georgetown sweatshirt equally.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Kind of depends on my mood, since the scarf and sunnies are somewhat seasonal. The jumper could be too but with the amount of air conditioning we use in the winter it’s more useful year round.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Aww, is that you admitting that my sweatshirt is your favorite item too, sweetheart?
HENRY
[ignoring Alex’s smirk] He gets that point. What’s my biggest fear?
ALEX
Similar to mine. Losing loved ones, disappointing loved ones. And also rejection? Especially by people you love.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
With you in my life, why do I even have a therapist?
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
For literally so many reasons.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
[fair imitation of a Southern accent] Ain’t that the truth?
ALEX
I hate when you do that. It’s not fair that you can actually do that.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Focus Alex.
HENRY
What is my biggest pet peeve? I guess we’re following what you did before.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
When I leave all my things spread out everywhere. Like papers or clothes especially.
HENRY
Yes. Now, I finally get my revenge. Who is the last person I texted?
ALEX
Unlike me, you were not texting during hair and makeup, but you were texting in the car. It was still pretty early in the day so my guess is Pez or Bea. To mix it up I’m gonna go with Bea.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Well I was texting Bea in the car.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Ha!
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
But as we arrived, June sent me The New York Times Magazine list of top queer books for Pride month, and I responded to her. [smirks]
ALEX
Ugh, foiled from a perfect score by my own blood.
HENRY
Name three of my dad’s movies.
ALEX
Well I already said the one earlier, Rabbit Warren . Then there’s Never Say Die and Deadly Force .
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Very easy. What’s my proudest moment?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
I can think of a few. But for here and now I’m going with the brownstone and your book.
HENRY
I’m going to agree, but I’m curious about the brownstone part of that answer.
ALEX
I mean less buying it, because it was with your dad’s money, but moving away from your family and making it a home for us, where we can…be our own people.
HENRY
Okay, yes, bonus point.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
What are three things I love to do at home?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
You love to write, not just for your bigger projects about queer history but small stuff, like poetry.
HENRY
That’s one.
ALEX
Cuddle up in front of the TV with me or David and watch something wholesome.
HENRY
And sometimes both of you. But yes, that’s two.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
That was kind of two parts but okay. Um…you like toooo…oh duh. Play piano. Easy!
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Three out of three. I was concerned there for a moment. Who is my celebrity crush?
ALEX
Okay I want to do this like we did mine, with first celebrity crushes. It’s too weird if it’s people we’re gonna, like, run into.
HENRY
Alright. That honestly only makes it trickier for you.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
You know I love a challenge sweetheart.
ALEX
So I’m thinking of you at like age 10 to 12. Hmmm.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Oh! Okay I have two ideas.
HENRY
Let’s hear them.
ALEX
I’m gonna start with the one I’m less confident in first. So first, I know we were both big Harry Potter nerds and you definitely had a crush on our boy Harry, so I’m going with Daniel Radcliffe.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
I’ll say yes. But I don’t know if he was first, though that was an early one.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
And my other one is Mark Hamill. You were definitely a Luke guy.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
[begrudging smile] Yes, okay, you got it.
ALEX
Ha! I am so going to win this. No hints needed.
HENRY
What is my morning routine?
ALEX
Weekday or weekend?
HENRY
Weekday.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Probably a good idea. Keep it PG.
Switch to CAMERA A, center shot. HENRY is blushing, ALEX ignores him and continues speaking.
ALEX
Okay you turn the alarm off, go to the bathroom and brush your teeth.
HENRY nods.
ALEX
Then you come back into the bedroom and usually give me a kiss on my cheek or forehead.
ALEX gives HENRY a wink, and HENRY smiles at ALEX softly.
ALEX
Then you go downstairs and let David out in the backyard while you make my coffee and your tea. Once they’re done you bring them back upstairs if I’m not out of bed yet, which is most of the time.
HENRY continues to nod.
ALEX
We get our caffeine fix and then shower and get dressed and return downstairs to make our breakfasts, and then you head out to the shelter. That’s it.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Very good, love. Next we have three things I taught you.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Hmmm. Can I say patience?
HENRY
I’ll allow it. Though you’re a work in progress.
ALEX
So were your skills! Another one…you’ve taught me a lot about English literature. And the Queer history within English literature. Which are really two separate things, but I’m not a slacker so I’m gonna think of something else.
HENRY
I’m waiting then.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Okay so I’m still objectively terrible and I don’t practice but you did teach me how to play some piano. I moved past Chopsticks and Heart and Soul and we were doing okay with Stay With Me.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Mmm it’s been a while since we’ve played, we should get back to that. But yes. That counts.
ALEX gives a small fist pump in celebration. Switch to CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
I swear these are so easy. When was our first date?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Okay but this is objectively not easy. Because, like, what are we counting?
HENRY
What do you consider to be our first date?
ALEX
In retrospect, Paris. A café, two bottles of wine, expensive cheeses, you speaking French.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
I also consider that our first date. Even if you were oblivious to it at the time.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
However our first date where I was not oblivious to the circumstances? Franklin’s Barbecue in Austin the day after the election.
HENRY
You’re probably right, but I’m not giving you any bonus points for that.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
What is my hidden talent?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
You have lots of hidden talents because you’re good at literally everything. Except for singing.
HENRY
I need specific ones.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX with his eyes closed with a look of deep concentration on his face. Switch to CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Having trouble, love?
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
No, I'm just thinking of things I can say on camera that won’t piss Zahra off.
HENRY rolls his eyes, but he's smiling.
ALEX
[snaps fingers] Okay, got one. While everyone knows about us quoting queer figures and literature and whatever, what people don’t know is that you can literally do that off the top of your head in the middle of conversation. You have a really good memory for things you’ve read.
HENRY
Oh, that’s actually a really good one. I love that you chose that.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
Anytime, sweetheart.
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Last one. Somewhere I haven’t been that I want to go.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Fuck I have no idea. You’ve been a lot of fucking places.
HENRY
And many before we met.
CAMERA B, close up of ALEX.
ALEX
You underestimate June’s tabloid addiction and my early obsession with you.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Okay, places you’ve talked about wanting to go… Greece, but you’ve already been there. You’ve been to all the places you colonized. You’ve been to all the Nordic places where you can be cozy in front of a fire and read like the nerd that you are.
HENRY
True but I didn’t get to do that while I was there.
ALEX
Yeah but it still counts…okay I’m going with a similar vibe, also beautiful. I think we talked about it a few months ago. Iceland?
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
Yes, damnit. I can’t believe you only missed the texting one.
CAMERA A, center shot.
HENRY
Alex’s score is here. [holds out his hand like he’s physically holding the text that reads “21/19” above his head]
CAMERA C, close up of HENRY.
HENRY
He was annoyingly good at this. I think he might’ve studied.
CAMERA A, center shot.
ALEX
Hey, there weren’t any rules against it!
HENRY
Thanks, GQ, for having us. And happy pride!
HENRY and ALEX both wave at the camera with big grins on their faces.