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Harry is out of front again.
Half-Light is pacing the apartment like a caged animal.
It has been 5 days since Fingers outed them all to Kim. In that time, the RCM processed Harry's resignation, and Harry, Volition and Savoir Faire lined up job interviews. They have been making a concerted effort to keep Half-Light distracted with all of this.
It's not *fucking* working.
He's chewing his- well, Harry's, but his- fingernails.
He thinks this is a special kind of hell, designed for him specifically. Trapped in the apartment, with a leg wound he shouldn't even be walking on, painfully sober, waiting for the death knell of a fucking social worker knocking at his door.
"That's not going to happen." Logic chides from the headspace.
"Yes, it is," Half-Light snaps, wraps his arms around himself, "Kim knows we're a maniac and he's gonna throw us to the looney bin. I mean, it's what civic duty dictates."
The words "civic duty" drip off his tongue like poison.
Encyclopedia hummed. "Actually, based on my observations, we are likely to have Trauma and Stressors Disorder, as well as Multiple Personality Dis-"
"Not this *shit* again." Half-Light throws himself against the couch with a huff, "We're not fake, you stupid statistic-regurgitator."
"I'm not *saying* we're fake, I certainly don't feel fake-"
"Great!" Half-Light claps his hands together, "Then you'll shut up!"
Somewhere in the headspace, Encyclopedia shrugs their shoulders and exchanges a look with Composure.
"Their point is, if Kim really thought that was necessary, we'd be there already." Composure says gently, "Try to breathe. You're not getting yourself anywhere by working yourself up like this."
Half-Light doesn't say anything, just growls at Composure, but tries to slow his breathing anyway.
"Good, good. There we are," he can't see it, but he knows Composure is smiling as she says it, "Now. What's actually bugging you?"
"I already told you. I told everyone, actually, but no one's listening."
"I'm listening."
Half-Light draws his knees to his chest as though it'll shield him. Shield him from what? "I'm scared that we're gonna be taken away."
Composure nods, "Me too. But, like Logic said, it's unlikely."
"More likely now that Kim knows." Half-Light mumbles.
"You're right."
"What?" Half-Light jerks his head up.
"You're right, the risk goes up with each person that knows," Composure reiterates, "But we can't make Kim *un*-know, and based on what Fingers said, he wants to understand."
Half-Light doesn't say anything.
"What do you think the safest course of action is, Half-Light?"
"Hiding in bed and never speaking to anyone ever again." Half-Light lets his head fall. Composure cards her fingers over his head.
"The safest and most realistic, then."
"...I don't know. Let Kim ask questions I guess. Bring it up if absolutely necessary, but it's not safe to just.. talk about it so freely."
"...Agreed."
Half-Light sighs, "I'm so tired."
"I know. Me too." Composure breathes.
"I just want us to be safe," Half-Light picks at his hand, "It's so hard."
"It'll be easier soon. Kim trusts us."
"I don't trust him," Half-Light whispers, "I know most everyone else here does, but... I don't know. Anyone can be cruel. He knows too much. He can do too much. We've let our guard down enough already."
"Then what's the point trying to put it up again?" Composure posits, "He's already past your defenses. Treat him like an outsider in the kingdom and he'll be one. Welcome him, and who knows?"
"You can't trust anyone."
"I don't think we have a choice." Composure rubs her face, "Go apologize to Fingers. I'll take the reigns for a little."
Half-Light tries to let go of the wheel. It's not.. what?
"I can't."
"You can apolog-"
"No, I can do that," Half-Light corrects, "I can't leave the.. I can't leave the fucking drivers seat."
"...Ah. Well, I guess Harry can handle that when he gets back. He's always been the best out of all of us at letting and removing people from front."
"We don't know *when* he's coming back..." a terror creeps into his voice, "What if he's gone for good? What if I'm stuck out here forever?"
"I doubt anyone can be stuck out there forever.." Composure sighs, "Just... take a walk or something, I'll check back with you in a little bit, okay?"
"Right, okay."
With that, Half-Light gets up. He can feel Logic still shoulder surfing, but not saying anything, so he just continues as normal.
In the closet, he digs around for shoes. Why do they own so many *heels?* Snakeskin heeled loafers, bright green pumps, mustard 6 inch stilettos... He's aware they can run in them, so it's not as bad as if they couldn't and wore them everywhere, but still. Is "the look" really worth sacrificing practicality?
Logic has some loafers.. practical, but not for walking. Interfacing made them buy work boots years ago, those may be good... but Half-Light could *swear* that somewhere Physical Instrument had some normal sneakers...
Wait. Physical Instrument is probably the least organized out of all of them. The sneakers are probably not in the closet.
Half-Light darts out of the closet and heads to the bathroom, and the sneakers were on the windowsill. Drying, from when Volition had tossed them into the washer.
They're fully dry now, a little warm from the sun. Half-Light smiles to himself, pleased.
Lacing up the shoes, he heads outside.
On the street, he pauses and tilts his head towards the sun and closes his eyes. It's late spring, and the warmth on his face is more soothing than anything. Even if it does remind him of radiation.
He is silently thankful that Shivers isn't here to make it weird right now.
Concrete and asphalt sprawl around him, with only the occasional spot of green, or transplanted tree. Still, there is some comfort in the familiarity.
Half-Light walks slowly, as not to agitate the leg, and to avoid the muscle memory of walking to Boogie Street. Volition might actually kill him if he did that.
Then, a thought occurs to him, and he changes course, walking instead to the Frittte!. Physical Instrument is going to be upset about this, but at least they'll have one on hand when the rest of the collective catches up with the fact their body is in shambles, and has been for a long time.
He picks out a cane, three pronged and black, it could go with any outfit. Not too cheap, he doesn't want it to break, but not too expensive either. He doesn't need a fancy wooden cane, that's a frivolous purchase for Savoir Faire of Drama to make.
He almost heads to the counter, then pauses. He grabs a sticker pack for Interfacing, then goes to the checkout.
The rest of the walk is fine, he supposes. It's quiet. He finds his way to the apartment building and his hand lands on the door handle.
'NO. NOT YET.' A voice clangs in his mind.
'Hello, Shivers,' he replies, 'You sound like me. Why shouldn't I go to the safety of our apartment?'
'IT IS NOT TIME.'
Half-Light sighs and parks himself on one of the outdoor benches.
'You're making me nervous. You're really fucking good at that, you know?' He resists the urge to just say it out loud.
'NOT MY CONCERN.'
'Of fucking course it isn't. Cause you don't give a shit if you make our paranoia worse.'
'ALSO, NOT TRUE.'
'Well then, you just suck at interacting with us.' Half-Light sucks his teeth, he's going to regret this, but the flood gates are open now.
'Because you're not one of us,' he continues, 'Everyone else might be willing to suck it up and pretend you're *normal*, but you're not psychosis, because *I* deal with that. Drama, too.'
'You're not from this body. Not like the rest of us. And you rubbed off on EDC. Now he does that.. freak shit. Hell, even the fucking crocodile that never leaves the headspace makes sense. But you? I know we're mentally ill and all, but I'd go as far to say you're something else entirely, something Paranatural.'
'That shit in Isobel's shack? Or Lely's mouth? That's more than any gut feeling I can muster, and I'm the king of gut feelings.'
'CORRECT.'
Half-Light can feel his pulse rising. 'So what *are* you? Why are you *here*?'
'I'M HERE TO HELP YOU, AS YOU ARE TO ME.'
'You're impossible.' Half-Light huffs.
'AS ARE YOU. LOOK UP.'
Half-Light rolls his eyes, but does so.
'Just some asshole airships blocking my sun.'
'KEEP NOTE OF THAT. IT WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER.'
Half-Light suddenly feels impossibly small. 'I don't want to think about bombs right now.'
But she's gone as quickly as she was there, and Half-Light is left with the familiar feeling of impending doom.
He goes inside to make lunch.