Chapter Text
Just like the space next to him, there was cold in his heart. There was no trace of the heat that consumed him the night before, not only physically, but also inside, in the heart of his that he gave with ease to everyone he loved. He gave his all to others until they broke his heart, and, in the end, they did so without fail. Even so, he continued to be sincere with his feelings, so much so that it hurt, it destroyed him a little more and more, threatening to kill him.
Jungkook used to contain his feelings very well, even when he was twenty years old. That's why he got up from his bed that creaked under his weight and stared blankly at that room he had learned to love in his last year in the college dorms. That bed that no one had been in besides Yoogun, that narcissistic son of a bitch that he called boyfriend for seven months that seemed like forever.
Some endless text messages were what Jungkook found when he turned on his cell phone. For some reason, his heart sank even more. He knew things would end that way, but he held out hope until the last moment that Yoogun would change for him, that he would be able to love someone besides himself.
Naive, naive. Always expecting more than what people can give him.
There were things that he would never fully understand about interpersonal relationships. People are complex, changing beings, although certainly predictable if one makes the effort to know them well. Jungkook doesn't care about the semantics of society, he just wants to be himself and live his life, but even doing that seems to be difficult when he's under everyone's criticism.
If they have sex shortly after meeting each other he is a slut, but if they don't have it until much later then he is a prude. If he expresses his love he is deluded, if he doesn't then he is cold. Can't he just love in peace? Be human and that's it? Jungkook doesn't understand why there's so much background in the smallest actions, those that are often done for no apparent reason.
However, most people around him seem to disagree with his way of thinking, because a few days later he hears his classmates gossiping about him, about how Yoogun broke up with him after getting the only thing he wanted from him. Being in the fourth semester, Jungkook had already earned a good reputation, everyone knew him for some reason, whether good or bad, especially the bad one that he earned based on gossip and second-hand stories.
That fear of being abandoned made a place in his heart, in a corner that he learned to ignore as he matured. However it never left, it was always there, growing with him.
Promises are easy to make, talking for the sake of talking is something that all people do. Acting according to what is said is something else. Jungkook isn't perfect, no matter how much he's flattered or people approach him, he also has his grievances, his doubts, his worries, and his sadness. Taehyung promised to love every emotion of his, from his happiness to his sorrow. He promised to be with him because he loves him. After all, he unexpectedly fell in love with that boy he met one night that seemed insipid.
Remembering all that, still next to Taehyung on that foreign mattress that witnessed their passion, Jungkook clings to the older man's arm, the one who hugs him weakly because he's still asleep. It's not like things really change overnight, but he has to attempt to change gradually, to accept what cannot be changed, to accept his own decisions.
A sigh leaves his lips and he closes his eyes again, not to fall asleep, but to enjoy the silence that's familiar and feels different now. In his house the silence is suffocating, terrifying, and here, with Taehyung, in a house where there are two other people whom he appreciates despite the short time he has known them, the silence is comforting, reassuring.
When he becomes aware again that he indeed ended up falling asleep when he got lost in his head, he feels lips on his shoulder, affectionate and docile kisses that caress his skin like a feather. Jungkook remains still with his eyes open, allowing the older man to continue kissing him adoringly. He gives no signs that he's awake because his chest swells knowing that he really is loved, and that these signs of affection are not just to make him feel good and get by. He loves him even while he's asleep.
The kisses on his shoulder and collarbone continue for a good few minutes until those same lips go to his neck and he inevitably tenses up. It should be considered a crime to be so sensitive, but Jungkook is aware of how much Taehyung likes it. Maybe that's why he gently bites his neck and gives a lascivious lick that, if that weren't enough, is accompanied by a mischievous hand that touches his bare abdomen.
There's silence again, Taehyung leaves his hand where it is although he stops kissing him. Jungkook fights back the urge to turn around and complain because he wants to keep being kissed and caressed. He wants to have Taehyung on top of him like a tick. He wants it just for himself.
"I know you're awake."
Taehyung's voice comes out in a whisper against his ear and he can tell from the way he says it that he's holding back a laugh. Jungkook smiles and turns around until they are face to face, their legs intertwined and their arms on top of each other, not clear where one body begins and the other ends.
"How did you know if we had never slept together?" he says quietly, not wanting to break the silence of the house, as if it were some kind of rule. "Am I that predictable?"
Taehyung kisses his forehead and then his nose, making a small complaint out of Jungkook because he's not focusing on the conversation but on his face, which is certainly unavoidable.
"Your breathing quickened when I started touching you." the hand on his abdomen slowly rises until it rests on his heart, which beats fast and he doesn't shy away from the touch, nor is he embarrassed that Taehyung can confirm his effect on him. "Let's just say you're not the best at faking it."
Now Jungkook is in charge of giving furtive kisses, since he approaches the older and leaves a small kiss on his lips, both of them looking at each other with their cheeks flushed from the morning heat and that of their bodies.
"Luckily not." he agrees with a small smile. It no longer hurts him to admit that he loves with his whole being, with everything he has. He's sincere with his feelings. That's who he is, so what?
Taehyung seems touched by this, so he lets out a laugh that earns him a playful pinch.
"You're right."
He's not surprised when Taehyung seems insatiable and kisses him again, this time slightly more intense, and deeper. The hand on his heart goes down to his waist and caresses his figure gently, the complete opposite of the passionate way his mouth moves rhythmically, in a rhythm that's only theirs, one that unites beyond the physical. It's an overwhelming sensation that makes them feel alive.
This is where I belong.
Jungkook, being the sensitive person he is, moans when Taehyung bites his lip and licks his mouth slowly, making sure to leave it well salivated, perhaps as a show of possessiveness that Jungkook doesn't object to.
He lets the eldest be the one who keeps the rhythm of the kiss, the one who touches him, the one who reignites the fire of passion, different from last night. He doesn't want to think about anything, not when Taehyung kisses him as if his life depended on it, but some things take time to process and accept. From the fight between Taehyung and... a certain someone, to the carnal union of their bodies after having gone through the breaking of a bond. He never believed that the first time they would have sex would be after having cried and with a cracked heart begging to be healed by the only person who had made him remember that he could love without restrictions, without being mocked.
He's a little gone and Taehyung notices it, as he pulls away from him and takes his face in his hands to stare at him. Jungkook sees a hint of concern in his eyes, although he tries to hide it with a crooked grimace.
"Don't overthink it so much. Your poor mind must be close to exploding, doesn't it, angel?"
Sometimes Taehyung talks to him and treats him with such tenderness and softness that he feels like a child, and it's nice to let himself be pampered from time to time.
"I'll take things in slowly." He responds without wanting to talk about topics that drain him emotionally. Little by little he will improve. For now, he wants to silence his mind and concentrate on the present, the only thing over which he has power.
Taehyung nods, not wanting to force him to drag on the topic. With his right hand he caresses Jungkook's messy hair and tries to carefully untangle it, attentive to the younger's every reaction in case he pulls hard a strand of hair.
"Take your time." he murmurs affectionately, leaving the youngest's hair alone to kiss his cheek. At the gesture, Jungkook sighs contently, rejoicing in the warmth that floods his chest. That void reduces as he heals.
They remain again in a pleasant silence that they enjoy embracing, skin against skin, naked with no ulterior motives. They don't know what time it is, but judging by the weak rays of sunlight that enter through the small spaces in the window that the curtain cannot cover, they can deduce that it is around seven or eight am. However, they do not attempt to get up, they're too comfortable for that.
Until they hear a door creak open and footsteps appear down the hallway. Then Jungkook musters the motivation to sit on the mattress, the sheet sliding down his chest until it rests on his hip, and Taehyung follows every movement carefully.
"We have to get ready. I don't want them to see us like this." Jungkook bites his bottom lip and moves his piercing, internally praying that neither Jimin nor Namjoon decides to come in, not when the room reeks of intercourse.
Taehyung nods, his gaze never leaving his. He's so relaxed that he seems to be the owner of the house on any given day.
"We also have to wash the sheets." the older adds, coming out of his daydream and imitating Jungkook when he sits down, even the sheet follows the same path and falls to his hip.
Jungkook laughs and rolls his eyes in amusement. Taehyung seems unable to tear himself away from him, because he leaves a loud kiss on his cheek that takes on a soft pink color that makes him look more beautiful. So, so beautiful. Painfully so.
"That's not very discreet, to say the least." he argues without stopping smiling, bringing his legs together under the sheet. His entire body is sticky with sweat and fluids.
"Then let's buy new ones as an early Christmas gift."
Amid more laughter, Taehyung hugs Jungkook from behind and distributes loud, slobbery kisses along the length of his neck until he reaches his shoulder, where one of Taehyung's favorite moles is. Jungkook knows this because he always kisses that part, his eyes immediately going there when he shows the skin of the area.
The sleepy and tired voices of Jimin and Namjoon are heard a little further down the hallway, which makes them separate against their will to take a bath and clean up the mess they made in the room.
Jungkook showers first while Taehyung picks up the sheets and wraps them into a messy ball that he'll have to show Jimin because he can't just throw them away without giving him an explanation.
When Jungkook comes out of the bathroom with his hair still wet and clothes clean, Taehyung takes his place, but not before kissing him again. They say goodbye for a moment to face the elders who are apparently in the kitchen making breakfast, at least that's what he deduces from hearing Jimin scold Namjoon for not cutting the ingredients properly.
He doesn't give the matter much thought and leaves the room, taking one last look inside and it doesn't look as bad as he thought. With the windows and curtain open, the smell is almost completely gone.
His steps are cautious as he approaches the kitchen, where the couple is actually preparing breakfast. Namjoon hums a song quietly while Jimin moves elegantly from side to side, in complete silence although he occasionally supervises what his boyfriend is doing.
"Good morning." Jungkook greets, clearing his voice when it comes out hoarse and he finally notices that his throat is dry, partly from the alcohol, partly from... last night's actions.
Namjoon returns the greeting verbally, a small smile on his lips making his dimples appear. Jimin, for his part, doesn't seem to have woken up in a very good mood because he only moves his head to acknowledge his presence and continues doing his thing.
The gesture doesn't make him feel bad. After all the alcohol they drank yesterday he's surprised that they were able to get out of bed, especially Jimin, and now that he analyzes him, he can see his pale face and little energy when moving.
"Can I help with something? I promise I'm a good cook." he continues saying when the elders return to concentrating on their respective tasks.
Namjoon glances at Jimin and he nods nonchalantly. With the ladle in his hand he points to the coffee pot and Jungkook gets the message.
Although it feels strange to be alone with them, it isn't uncomfortable either. It's not the same lively atmosphere as yesterday, but he knows they're not doing it on purpose. He understands, he makes excuses for others.
While he's in charge of preparing the coffee, Namjoon resumes his song and the atmosphere loses some tension, at least the tension in Jungkook. The three of them prepare breakfast quickly, as if this were natural, a routine. The peculiar familiarity causes Jungkook to lift his mood and help plating the food that he later brings to the round wooden dining room.
As if the smell of food attracts Taehyung, he appears just as Jungkook puts the plates on the table.
"Good morning everyone. It smells delicious, did the three of you prepare it?"
Jimin appears next to Namjoon with a boiling cup of coffee in his left hand and murmurs in agreement, sitting next to Taehyung, who doesn't hesitate to take his usual place.
"Shit, I swear my head is going to explode." Jimin curses, settling back in the chair and raising the cup of coffee to his mouth. He takes a long sip and makes an appreciative expression since the flavor is of his liking. "Fuckass hangover."
The four of them gather at the table, face to face, and the depressing state of everyone is visible, from dark circles and pale skin to lethargic movements.
"I'll buy hangover medicine later." Taehyung promises, giving Jimin's shoulder a friendly squeeze.
"Please."
They eat breakfast without haste, savoring the texture of the freshly made food until they're satisfied, but they don't get up once they're done. They prefer to chat in the meantime, and that's when, immersed in a light conversation, Taehyung sees the perfect moment to intervene. Jungkook witnesses in slow motion how he tells Jimin that they're going to buy new sheets and Jimin doesn't take long to roll his eyes, he doesn't ask the reason behind it because he's not an idiot, he understands what happened.
"Now you owe me a mattress too, dirty pigs."
"Sorry." Taehyung says with rosy cheeks, scratching the back of his neck, because yes, being aware of his actions after he passed the moment of ecstasy is something... embarrassing, even in front of his best friends.
Jungkook feels even worse as he's dying from embarrassment. He met them yesterday and fucked them on their mattress the same day. Some things cannot be hidden and this is one of them.
Namjoon raises both eyebrows in surprise, but doesn't say anything, it's Jimin's mattress after all.
"I'll buy another mattress too, Jimin-ssi." Jungkook intervenes in a hurry while making a small bow without moving from his place. "And another bed base so you can throw away the old one."
Now it's Taehyung's turn to laugh, earning a sharp slap on the back from Jimin for being, according to him, "disrespected by his lustful best friend who dirtied his precious mattress."
"Jimin-ah wouldn't throw that thing away even if someone paid him for it." he scoffs even though he receives another hit harder than the last.
Jungkook watches the scene without stopping feeling embarrassed, although deep down he's grateful that Jimin is angry with Taehyung and not directly with him. What impression will the two elders have of him after this?
"It has a sentimental meaning. You wouldn't understand it." Jimin explains, crossing his arms, his brow furrowed in annoyance, but he's not really angry, not that it's that big of a deal.
Between apologies and short-term promises, the morning passes pleasantly. However, Taehyung has to return home with Soogeun, who although is used to being with the nanny, Taehyung cannot stand being without his baby for so long. Jimin and Namjoon understand the situation, accustomed to it.
But Jungkook wants to continue spending time with Taehyung, so he almost timidly suggests that they go to the older man's apartment so that the three of them can be together, as they usually have been doing most weekends for a couple of months now.
"You don't know how happy you make me." Taehyung responds to Jungkook's unexpected proposal.
Both happily go to his apartment on a road trip full of tender caresses and rubbing of legs, all very tender and subtle so as not to aggravate the headache that threatens to kill them.
Once they arrive at the apartment, they find the babysitter playing with Soogeun, both on the living room rug and with toys scattered everywhere. Noticing their arrival, the nanny politely stands up and bows. Her attention momentarily falls on Jungkook and he greets her with equal courtesy, not wanting to engage in insignificant conversations.
The discomfort of being in front of someone new is unbearable, so he prefers to approach Soogeun and greet him. The baby laughs in his arms, his rich, clean scent causing Jungkook to smile from ear to ear while Taehyung talks to the babysitter about things that really don't concern him.
"I'll transfer later the money to your account for the extra hours, okay?" he hears Taehyung say to the babysitter, somewhat embarrassed that he doesn't have cash with him. "Again, thanks for everything."
Jungkook avoids looking at them to give them some privacy, yet he feels the nanny's gaze on him, perhaps with curiosity, since they didn't know each other and it is unusual for Taehyung to show up with "new" people in his apartment and for them to pick up his son like if it were their own. He doesn't give him the pleasure of returning her gaze.
"It's my pleasure, Mr. Kim."
The nanny bows and leaves elegantly, almost like a shadow. Taehyung waits a few seconds and when he's sure she's downstairs, he heads towards the two loves of his life. Jungkook doesn't miss the opportunity to tease him.
"Well, Mr. Kim, what do we do now?"
Taehyung rolls his eyes in amusement, placing a kiss on Soogeun's forehead and then one on Jungkook's cheek.
"It's Saturday and you know I usually go out with Soogeun." Jungkook nods and allows Taehyung to take Soogeun from his arms. The baby squeals excitedly when he's close to his father and Taehyung smells his clean clothes and then looks back at Jungkook. "So... do you wanna join us?"
The sun is shit, so strong and unbearable that just thinking about being under it makes him frown. His reaction does not go unnoticed by Taehyung, who laughs.
"Come on, Jungkookie, you could get some fresh air." he insists in a plaintive tone and Jungkook can't resist him, nor Soogeun and his smiling face that seems to brighten the day even more.
"Okay, okay." he accepts somehow resigned after contemplating the situation for long seconds.
Taehyung moves Soogeun up and down in his arms and Jungkook can't help but smile. He has smiled so much today that his cheeks hurt. The longing that threatened to make him hit rock bottom a few days ago seems to be fading little by little.
They both have a bit of a headache due to last night's excessive drinking, but they make an effort for Soogeun's happiness. Even Jungkook, who's the worst looking, with sunglasses, a wool hat, and a huge puffer jacket, all clothes borrowed from Taehyung, he doesn't seem to be in the mood to endure the hustle and bustle of the city. Either way, he shows a willingness to spend quality time with them.
They decide to go to the well-known central park of the city, the one where they both had that memorable picnic and showed their truths to gradually lower the barriers that existed between them as a result of ignorance.
Once they are walking together, with Soogeun in Taehyung's arms, Jungkook doesn't feel anything special, he just wants to enjoy the present, even when several people look at him as if he were crazy for wearing that huge jacket under the tremendous sun and, therefore, the heat that makes his neck sweat.
"Shall we get some ice cream? I feel like I'm going to evaporate." Taehyung wipes the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand and looks hopefully at the ice cream man approaching them with his cart.
Jungkook murmurs in agreement and readjusts his sunglasses just to focus on something other than the heat that seems to affect everyone but Soogeun. He's certainly an energetic baby, but today he seems to be twice as energetic. His small eyes dart here and there curiously, from the trees and people to the faces of both adults.
Every time Jungkook looks at the baby, he laughs happily, putting his hands together to express how happy he is. Jungkook thinks he can endure a little more for him.
The ice cream man finally comes to them and opens the lid of his cart so they can choose their ice cream. Taehyung, being the gentleman he is, lets Jungkook choose first.
His throat feels dry when he sees the variety of ice creams, from water popsicles to cream ice creams. If he could, he would choose them all and take them home, but he knows he doesn't have to have the temptation so close if he wants to maintain his figure. So he chooses a butter pecan ice cream because he hasn't had that in a while.
Taehyung's eyes light up when he sees Jungkook's ice cream flavor and he approaches the car with renewed enthusiasm to look for one just like it.
"I don't have any more butter pecan ice cream left." The man announces with a hand on his waist and a relaxed posture.
"Oh."
Taehyung takes a look at Jungkook's ice cream and he sympathizes with his poor situation. With a kiss on the cheek, Jungkook hands him his ice cream without further ado. Taehyung is surprised by the gesture and, as he expected, he doesn't accept the ice cream at first.
"Jungkookie, it's okay, I can choose another one." he assures, extending the ice cream back, but Jungkook doesn't make any attempt to take it. What's more, he pushes it towards Taehyung while Soogeun watches the inviting bag of ice cream, his little hands opening and closing in an attempt to get what he wants.
"No. I can choose something else, you eat that one." he says in a firm tone and although his eyes aren't visible through his sunglasses, Taehyung can see the determination on his face. He's not going to take no for an answer.
"Alright." he agrees, stretching his lips upward a little.
Jungkook chooses a lemon water popsicle and pays the ice cream man, who couldn't look more bored and indifferent to the scene that passed before his eyes.
They both begin to eat calmly as they continue walking. Their destination is the baby playground, which is almost on the other side of where they entered, but there is no rush, with an icy cold melting in their mouths, the sun is their last preoccupation.
The only one who seems dissatisfied is Soogeun. His cute chubby face that used to radiate happiness now looks upset. His eyebrows are furrowed and he keeps moving his hands in the direction of Taehyung's ice cream, but he doesn't pay much attention to him as he's busy talking with Jungkook.
“Dad..."
That's when both adults stop abruptly and look at Soogeun perplexed. The sound of his voice is soft, and low, and Jungkook thinks it was a work of his imagination until Taehyung rearranges his baby in his arms and doesn't know what to say, his mouth opening and closing. without being able to get out a syllable.
It wasn't an illusion. Soogeun is going to say his first words! Jungkook has heard him make incoherent sounds hundreds of times, but him saying "dad" is something new and exciting.
"Soogeunie?" Taehyung calls with doubt coloring his voice, the rest of his ice cream slowly melting in his hand, which he doesn't care about at the moment. "My love, did you say dad?"
"I think he said dad." Jungkook states just as excitedly, avoiding jumping.
Both adults look expectantly at the baby, waiting for him to magically speak again. Luckily for them, he does.
"Dad."
The sound comes out more confidently and Soogeun continues focused on the ice cream in Taehyung's hand, determined to get what he wants, even though both adults don't seem to realize that he spoke only to get his dad's attention so he can get some ice cream.
"Dad." Taehyung enunciates slowly, pronouncing each syllable loud and clear. "Say it, love. Dad."
Soogeun laughs for no apparent reason and the elders' faces light up with affection. Jungkook looks from the baby to Taehyung and can see that he's fighting back the urge to cry. Even if the older hadn't said it explicitly, Jungkook knew that doubts had begun to form in him regarding Soogeun's cognitive abilities, but now there's not much to worry about.
"Dad." Soogeun now says looking, indeed, at his father. He no longer seems irritated, just curious, perhaps because of hearing his voice without being aware of it.
That's all Taehyung needs to hear. He lets a happy tear fall, his smile being so big and sincere it could light up entire cities. Jungkook puts his arm around his shoulders and squeezes his arm in an empathetic, loving gesture.
"Oh, my prince. Daddy loves you so much."
Taehyung spreads hundreds of kisses all over Soogeun's chubby face, causing the baby to laugh heartily. Some of the passersby look at the trio with some curiosity, but no one stops to analyze the situation, and it's not like any of them care. Not when they're in their own world, one in which Jungkook entered by surprise and was welcomed with all the human warmth possible.
An unconventional little family. Happy, after all.
Soogeun keeps repeating "dad" over and over again, putting his newfound skill to good use. Taehyung rocks him in his arms and doesn't stop kissing his face, his huge square smile generating instant warmth in Jungkook's chest.
What more can he ask for in life?
They spend the rest of the day at the park with Soogeun, who plays with other babies and continues to be vocal whenever he does something. Apparently, he discovered his fascination for talking.
Jungkook and Taehyung watch over him closely, sitting on a wooden bench a few steps away from Soogeun. They're both holding hands, Jungkook with his head on Taehyung's shoulder, longing for more of that body heat, more of the sense of ease that fills his body like ecstasy.
"I'm seriously so happy, Jungkookie." Taehyung says with his face relaxed, the shine in his eyes never disappearing. Jungkook approaches his neck to kiss him and caresses him with his nose in soft and tender movements. "Just… wow."
"I know, my love. You were worried for nothing."
Taehyung nods, his hand squeezing Jungkook's to express his relief.
"You're right. I shouldn't have doubted Soogeun, he's always been very healthy and smart."
Said Soogeun is crawling toward some plastic blocks, babbling excitedly under the watchful eyes of both adults.
"Have you ever felt this happy before?"
The question comes out of his mouth on its own, before he can process his thoughts. Taehyung looks at him taken aback and Jungkook sits up straight in his place, not letting go of his hand.
"What's up the question?"
Jungkook shrugs, partly to hide his embarrassment at being a little…reckless. He doesn't mean to ruin the elder's happiness, but his mouth doesn't want to cooperate.
"Curiosity." he responds without looking at him, being a better landscape at this moment a bird perching on the branch of a tree near them.
Taehyung doesn't say anything for a few moments so he can think about his response, although a playful glint appears in his eyes. Jungkook knows him so well that he knows that Taehyung is debating whether to answer seriously or something to flatter Jungkook.
"Uhm… if I'm being honest I've rarely been this happy, at least as an adult." He answers, shifting in his seat, just to get a good look at Jungkook's face. "I could say that my happiest moments have been meeting Jimin, the birth of Soogeun, and meeting you."
"A not very materialistic man." he says playfully, earning a pinch on the back of his hand.
Jungkook lets out a fake groan of pain that's completely ignored by Taehyung.
"I am." he continues talking while rubbing Jungkook's hand, white and intact. "Material things come and go, it's a momentary happiness. On the other hand, appreciating the people by my side is something that never goes away."
Appreciate the people who have passed through your life, those who are still by your side. Holding a grudge destroys our soul, Jungkook takes that into account most of the time, so it is good to recognize the good moments and things that people left us, even though there's more pain than love.
In the past, he didn't know how to appreciate what he had, now he wants to make a change, so he runs his index finger over Taehyung's face, from his strong jaw to his chin, then to his thin lips. He continues climbing until he caresses the mole on the older man's nose and feels his breath hitch from being so close to him, however, that doesn't stop Taehyung from smiling at him, an angry laugh escaping his lips.
Jungkook doesn't reciprocate the laughter. He must first get his worries off his chest, even if it ruins the happiness he wanted to last longer.
"Is my love enough for you?" he asks again, this time in a low tone. The words are lost in the wind and remain only for the two of them, unheard of in the world.
Taehyung doesn't erase his smile, although now he struggles to maintain it.
Jungkook feels his heart expand when he exhales the air he had been holding when he allows himself to feel and live. His emotions no longer control him, he controls them.
"More than enough." he answers immediately, even if Jungkook thought it took forever. It took Taehyung forever to find him, to complete him, but he did it, after all. "Never doubt it."
He reaffirms his words by kissing Jungkook, an annoyingly short, fleeting kiss. It's enough to calm his heart and relax.
When they separate, Jungkook rests his head on Taehyung's shoulder again. The oldest kisses the top of his head and settles down next to him. The minutes pass like this, enjoying the comforting silence and each other's noisy presence. Until Soogeun gets tired of playing and calls Taehyung, he literally says "dad", and this is a fact that cannot go unnoticed, what's more, Jungkook knows that Taehyung is going to shout to the whole world about his baby's achievement.
"Soogeunie needs a nap, he's already used up all his energy." Taehyung says with a pout as he sees his son clinging to his clothes and little by little letting his heavy eyelids droop from exhaustion.
Jungkook strokes Soogeun's head, who now has a little more hair, and walks away so as not to disturb his sleep.
It's still relatively early, the sun is setting behind the tall buildings of the city and the sky is painted in hundreds of colors between warm and cold to welcome the night. With this, Jungkook's hangover has also lessened, probably due to his good mood which allows him to ignore his migraine.
Both adults walk through the park, without saying anything special, just breathing the pure afternoon air and watching how slowly people are leaving. Soogeun rests calmly on Taehyung's chest and Jungkook notices how his arms shake sometimes.
"You should've brought the baby trolley." he comments, avoiding a laugh because Taehyung's seemingly indifferent expression doesn't last long. He's not a very good actor.
"I'm not gonna deny it." he agrees by letting his expression fall to show his physical fatigue because his eyes radiate peace, endless love that could be enough for all the people in the world to stop feeling alone. His love is so immense that Jungkook is lucky to have half of that love all to himself. "Soogeun is getting heavier and heavier."
"You're so dramatic. That's why you have to keep going to the gym so you can carry Soogeun and me."
The mental image appeals to Taehyung judging by his lopsided smile and suggestively raised eyebrows. Jungkook gives him a light push, both of their cheeks flushed from the cold wind and perhaps from something more intimate like their connection.
They return to the apartment in the blink of an eye, everything happens naturally. Taehyung leaves Soogeun resting in his crib and Jungkook sits on the now familiar couch. He would like to stay with them longer, but duty calls and he cannot ignore his responsibilities. More than responsibilities, they're the whims of Director Hwang to help a friend of his in that scandalous wedding that he's preparing for his spoiled daughter. Thinking about it makes his eyes roll with irritation.
The annoyance doesn't last long when Taehyung reappears, now in comfortable, light clothing, his hair is disheveled giving the homely image that Jungkook keeps close in his heart and mind. Someday that image will be the usual thing, not something he witnesses every now and then, but they aren't dating. They're just ... together and it's nice.
"Do you have to go now?" The question tries to come out in a normal tone, although disappointment colors Taehyung's voice.
Jungkook nods slowly. With his left hand, he pats the space next to him on the couch for Taehyung to sit down. The atmosphere isn't necessarily heavy, but it's obvious that neither of them wants to return to reality.
"Tomorrow I have a meeting with some executives and I can't miss it..." he excuses himself with his shoulders drooping and his lips pursed, something he doesn't realize until Taehyung kisses him to remove his downcast expression.
"Okay, go rest. I know you must still have a migraine."
Taehyung doesn't let him answer because he approaches him again to kiss him, now a kiss as it should be, long, slow, with some passion in between. Jungkook sighs when they separate a little and when they join again the kiss increases in intensity, somewhat needy, deep, with teeth and tongue in the process.
"Tae.." he calls reproachfully when Taehyung continues kissing him with no desire to stop.
Jungkook isn't surprised when Taehyung grabs the back of his neck to stop him from walking away when his long fingers melt into his long hair. He takes it and caresses it with desire, with love, with tenderness, with so many things intertwined that Jungkook doesn't want to name them one by one.
He lets himself be carried away by Taehyung's intensity and doesn't try to resist anymore. He raises his hand the older's chest, caresses his right pectoral over the jacket he's wearing, and stops when he feels something strange. At first, he thinks it's just the material of the jacket, but when he continues touching he notices that it has a rectangular shape and is outlined under the jacket indicating that it's in Taehyung's inner pocket.
His action isn't passed over as Taehyung pulls away and looks at him like he's panicking. Jungkook couldn't be more confused. In any case, he moves a little away from the older to get a good look at him and takes both of his hands to calm him down.
"Is something wrong?" he asks in a whisper, the passion of the kisses quickly leaving to be replaced by a desire to understand the situation.
Taehyung shifts uncomfortably and touches himself right where Jungkook had been doing. Curiosity kills him inside when Taehyung says nothing, his hand crumpling his jacket in a nervous gesture.
"Jungkook... I have something to give you." he announces determinedly, his panic fading in an attempt of bravery.
He just watches as he unzips his jacket and reaches inside to pull out the mysterious, thin, rectangular object. Jungkook opens his mouth in surprise when he sees a letter. The envelope is of dull yellow and Taehyung's neat handwriting is placed in the center.
Before he can speak, although he can't find what to say, Taehyung slides the letter between his hands, without looking him in the eye, preferring to focus his attention on Jungkook's hands. He receives the letter cautiously and his heart beats wildly, with shock, with fear.
"I know it's too cliché and- and maybe I seem like a hopeless romantic..." he tries to explain at first with a trembling voice. He stops and clears his throat to speak well. "Just... read it when you get home."
The beginning of the end. The end of the beginning. Which is it? He's not going to give premature answers for Taehyung, he's not going to justify him, no. This time he's going to read the letter without jumping to conclusions.
"Don't feel pressured, okay? I'll look forward to your response, whatever it is." Taehyung continues when Jungkook just looks at him with a tumult of emotions contained in his big orbs.
"Hyung..."
Taehyung raises his hand to stop him from speaking. There's also fear in him, his transparency reveals every feeling that crosses his face, which he tries to hide with empty gestures.
"Please be honest with me and don't give me false hope." he asks, or rather, begs, implores. "Think about it calmly."
But there's nothing to think about. Without having read the letter, Jungkook thinks he knows what is in it, and if it's what his heart longs for, he already knows the answer, he wants to shout it from the rooftop. However, Taehyung's palpable desperation is enough for him to decide to listen to him and fulfill his wish to read it first in his solitude and then talk to him. When? Hopefully as soon as possible.
"Okay." He clutches the letter to his chest, treasuring it. "It's time for me to go..."
His words may sound cutting, and intimidating, but the concern in Taehyung's eyes proves it. The truth is that he wants to get to his house as soon as possible so he can read the letter.
"Okay." he concedes, getting up from the couch to walk him to the door, his hands stuck in the pockets of his loose black pants.
Jungkook follows him at a safe distance, the letter in his hands being the weight that makes him act cautious, even without intending to. They both ignore each other's attitudes and say goodbye with a hug, being careful not to crush Jungkook's new possession.
"Be careful." Taehyung murmurs as he pulls away from the hug, his gaze involuntarily going to the letter.
Jungkook walks out of the door and waves his hand in goodbye. No one of them forces a smile or a reaction they don't mean. It's better this way.
"Take care." Jungkook says, shuffling his feet half-heartedly down the hallway to go to the elevator. Taehyung nods and stays at the door until he makes sure he takes the elevator, even though Jungkook doesn't look at him again after saying goodbye to him.
On the way home, in the taxi, he contemplates opening the letter in that very non-private environment. It's not like the driver was going to ask about it or make him uncomfortable, in fact, he was quiet, the way he liked them to be because he hates empty conversations, even worse when he has so many things going on in his head.
The letter looks tempting in his lap, crying out to be opened. Jungkook brings it closer and looks at the writing on the envelope "for Jungkook." The handwriting written in black ink is neat and concise. There is no stamp or anything else, just that. It's disappointing for him because it does not indicate what the content is.
If Taehyung took the time to write him a letter instead of a text message or tell him about it directly, Jungkook couldn't imagine what was so important to be put down on paper.
His fingers drum on the letter, he turns it over to see the red seal that closes the envelope, and he bites his lower lip. He plays with his piercing, moving it from side to side, impatient.
He hasn't received a letter in years. If he remembers correctly, the last time he was given one was in high school, when a classmate proposed to him through a letter he left in his locker because he was too shy to tell him her feelings in person. Jungkook rejected him because he didn't feel the same way, but he kept the letter in a shoebox that he still has to this day, as a memory.
"We arrived." the driver announces, giving him a glance in the rearview mirror, not bearing Jungkook's rambling that makes his movements slower as he comes back to reality and has to look for his wallet to pay him.
He's grateful that his thoughts distracted him enough that he didn't open the letter in the taxi. Oh, it would have been chaotic to have to stop reading because he reached his destination.
He consoles himself as he walks home and moves the keys between his fingers, in the hand where he doesn't have the letter. The lights in the place are off and he's greeted by the familiar cold of his house and a clean smell, the work of his housekeeper who's in charge of cleaning and organizing the house on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
Jungkook first turns on the hallway light and then the heating so he can sleep peacefully tonight. Autumn is approaching and the cold settles in every corner of his huge house.
He takes off Taehyung's puffy jacket and leaves it on a chair in the living room, in a visible place so he doesn't forget to return it to him later. When they see each other again.
His patience is running out and he can't stand the uncertainty, so he goes straight up to his room in giant steps. He comes to his bedroom and turns on the light, configuring it so that it doesn't shine as much, but rather gives a pleasant atmosphere similar to autumn, opaque, even.
He falls heavily onto the mattress of his bed and opens the envelope quickly. He takes out the letter folded in three parts and opens it quickly. The first thing he notices is that the writing on it takes up the entire page, and, like the envelope, there are only words and more words, nothing colored, nothing out of place.
He takes a deep breath and begins reading.
"Dear Jungkookie,
Do you know the courage I had to muster to be able to write this letter? Even now, sitting at my desk on the Friday morning you're meeting my friends, my cheeks burn just thinking about how you're going to react.
You like to be adored and I like to adore you. You are my addiction, the incomplete piece of my life. That's why I didn't know what I was missing until I met you.
I am full of you, I was from the first moment I saw you. Without touching you, just looking at you, you continue to drive me crazy. I'm crazy about you, that's unequivocal. You stun me in the softest and cutest way ever.
Even if you don't believe it, you are my moon and I am the star that admires you in a corner of the wide universe. You are a being created from stardust. I can't find any other explanation for the fact that every time you smile it seems like the world lights up too.
You are more Apollonian than any celestial body, more beautiful than everything that exists and will exist. You are the most beautiful person I have had the pleasure of meeting, possibly the only one who makes me feel this way even as the days go by. Time does not change my feelings for you, on the contrary, it intensifies them. They burn strongly, a flame that consumes me in a pleasurable way.
Jungkook, have you noticed the way I look at you? Have you noticed how crazy you make me? How awkward do I act when we make eye contact and you're close to my face?
Being around you is a challenge for me, that's why I decided to write this letter in my solitude. The funny thing is that I still feel my body vibrate just thinking about you, it's something I can't help.
More than my moon, you are the one who illuminates my days and nights. The one I couldn't stop thinking about. I will never get tired of reminding you how much I love you.
I love you, I love you, I love you. My whole body is full of you.
You will call me a flatterer, but that's how I love. I give my all to those I love, and I can say with certainty that I love you. I will repeat it to you every day, in the morning, in the afternoon, at night, so that you never doubt it, so that you never stop feeling loved.
Jungkook, I will always love you in every possible universe. I will love you in each one of them, and if they cease to exist I will create more universes so that you can exist. I will look for you and wait in each of them.
I think enough time has passed and it's time to ask you this. I would like to be able to call you mine and for you to call me yours. In some way, formalize what we have been doing for months.
Can I be your boyfriend?
I will ask you again in person, after you have read this letter, but first I needed to express myself coherently and this was the only solution I liked.
I will keep your answer close to my heart, no matter what it is. I just hope you never forget that you are loved.
I hope this love keeps you happy even if it ends up being a memory.
I love you.
Seriously, I do.
With love,
T.H Kim"
Jungkook smiles dumbfounded, his heart beating so hard that each beat resonates in his eardrums. Boom, boom, boom. It's a melody that accompanies his night that is now not so cold, not thanks to the heating, nor his clothes, but because of the words recited through a letter.
He folds the sheet again to put it in its envelope, encouraged to reread it over and over again until he falls asleep. He stops himself from doing it and puts it in the top drawer of his nightstand, almost laughing at the mere thought of Taehyung. Of the question that resonates in his head.
Taehyung makes him happy too. Oh, gosh, he brought color to his life. He put together the broken pieces of his being and helped it transform into something beautiful. He can no longer imagine a life without him and now that he asked him to be his boyfriend, finally, the answer is yes. Again, a thousand times he will continue to say yes. The only thing left to do is tell him in person because it is too dull via chat or call. It's bland because their love is real, it demands contact, seeing each other face to face.
No one can erase the permanent smile on his lips that illuminates his face. He takes his cell phone out of his pocket and writes a quick message to Taehyung, without waiting any longer.
Me
Can we meet on Monday?
06: 34 pm
The answer comes within a few seconds. Taehyung doesn't try to hide that he's been waiting for the message from him since he left.
Taehyungie
Of course
06: 35 pm
Do you have time in the afternoon?
06: 36 pm
Me
Yeah
06: 37 pm
around 3pm
06: 38 pm
Taehyungie
that seems fine to me
06: 38 pm
Where will we meet?
06: 39 pm
Me
come to my house
[address attached]
06: 40 pm
Taehyungie
okay, see you on monday
Have sweet dreams
06: 41 pm
Of course, I'll have sweet dreams. I'm going to dream about you, about us, until I can repeat to you in person repeatedly yes. Yes, yes, yes. Until my mouth hurts from saying it so much until it's humanly possible.
He doesn't write that, he just thinks about it as he falls onto the mattress, the white of the ceiling that he used to hate now being the color of hope. Yes, there's a future, even for skeptics like him.
That Monday, with a quarter to three pm, Jungkook moves from here to there, rearranging everything to make it look neat. The house couldn't be more sparkling, with shiny floors, no dust, and the soft aroma of lavender making the atmosphere pleasant.
Jungkook checks his cell phone waiting for a message, a call, something, for the love of God. Nothing comes, only the ring of the front door that makes him jump. Taehyung this time decided to be punctual, perhaps out of anxiety. Either way, Jungkook fixes his hair one last time in front of the mirror in the hallway and checks to make sure his makeup is flawless, which it is.
The journey to the door is so short that he doesn't have time to think about what to say or how to act. If it were up to him, he would say yes right away, but that is abrupt, nothing ceremonial.
When he opens the door, Taehyung's handsome face greets him. He carries a bouquet of red and pink geraniums in his left hand, which he extends to Jungkook even before greeting him.
Jungkook blinks several times and lets out a playful laugh, Taehyung's cheeks turn a more beautiful and delicate pink than the flowers and he moves closer to kiss his cheek.
"Hi beautiful, how are you?" unlike his state, Taehyung's voice comes out steady.
Jungkook brings the bouquet to his nose and inhales the sweet, herbal scent of the geranium. It is a distinguishable essence that he can now associate with this precise moment. A pleasant, fresh and romantic memory.
"Hi, hyung. Come in, please."
He doesn't return the kiss, but he does slap Taehyung's ass when he enters. He turns to look at him with his mouth open, somewhere between indignant and surprised. Jungkook winks and follows him closely, partly eager to know what he thinks of his house.
Taehyung whistles appreciatively, his steps slow so as not to miss any details. Not to give himself too much credit, but Jungkook gets his reaction. The house was designed by an important architect, it isn't particularly eccentric, it's just that every detail was done with precision to fit harmoniously with Jungkook's tastes, discreetly and without detracting from its value.
"Wow, you just humiliated my apartment with just your living room." Taehyung says while delicately running a finger over a sizable sculpture that rests on the ground.
Jungkook does his best not to shy away from every compliment, he just smiles gratefully and continues showing him the first floor of the house. He doesn't usually have guests, so he doesn't remember the way people react when they see how big the house is even though it doesn't look like it from the outside.
He leaves the bouquet in the vase located on the table in the center of the room and guides Taehyung through the room to go to the large dining room that has more chairs than necessary, then they pass through a hallway to reach the kitchen, from there to the mini bar, then to the washroom, where Jungkook almost has a collection of toiletries, because there are many smells he likes and he can't decide on just one. They then lead to the open patio where there is a medium-sized fountain, the bright green grass complements the place.
"Your house is amazing, love." Taehyung repeats for the third time, short of words given everything he has seen.
They both go to a secluded table, under a huge oak tree that has been there even before Jungkook bought the house. He didn't want to cut down the tree despite the architect's suggestion.
"Thank you." He responds once he sits down in the comfortable lacquered wooden chair, the glass table separating him from Taehyung by a few meters.
"Are you going to show me the second floor too?" Taehyung admires the beautiful flowers around them, which will soon wither in autumn, and sits in the chair across from Jungkook.
"There's nothing much up there." he replies, brushing a long strand of hair behind his ear. He assumes he must look beautiful because Taehyung doesn't take his eyes off him. "Just bedrooms, bathrooms, and an entertainment room."
Taehyung raises an eyebrow in disbelief. Jungkook smiles realizing how petulant he just sounded. It's not something out of this world for him because he doesn't have a great attachment to his house, but compared to Taehyung's apartment it is quite different.
"Okay, I'll show you later." he promises without further ado, suddenly realizing the reason Taehyung is here isn't to see his house.
The realization comes to Taehyung too, because he leans over the table and the adoration in his irises, which are a light shade from the sun, hides any worries he might have. They both know the answer without saying it out loud, and as cute as Jungkook is, he would never act so natural if things weren't going well.
"So... here we are." Taehyung begins, not finding another way to bring up the topic. Jungkook nods, also leaning over the table so that the minimal distance disappears. "I assume you read the letter then."
"The most romantic letter I've ever read, by the way." Taehyung tilts his head and a smile appears, it's small, but it's there. Jungkook swallows and continues. "No one has ever loved me this intensely and purely. Believe me when I say that I'm lucky to be loved by you. I wouldn't wish anyone else to love me, just you."
Taehyung doesn't hold back, he maintains his posture and brings a hand up to cradle Jungkook's face. He melts into the familiar touch of him, the same one he misses when he's not around.
"Fate is kind to us, Jungkookie." he responds calmly, his thumb caressing Jungkook's cheek. "After so much pain he decided to unite two hearts that love strongly so that they would stop feeling alone."
Jungkook raises his hand to take Taehyung's hand that's still on his cheek, caressing the veins that stand out, the softness of his skin. Yes, he can achieve happiness, yes, he can find it.
"Hyung, I want you to be my boyfriend." he responds with his eyes wide open, avoiding falling asleep under Taehyung's slow caresses, which stop when he hears his words. Taehyung's eyes are impossibly wide, his smile widening until his cheeks rise to give him an adorable look. "Let's finally be a couple."
"Are you serious?" he asks slowly moving his hand away. Jungkook wants to return it to where it was, but he prefers to get up from her chair and stand in front of Taehyung.
He sits on the older's lap, one leg on either side of his hip. He puts his arms around his shoulders and looks down at him in a position that reminds him of many important moments of their relationship, first of all, the day they met, Taehyung kissing every part of her skin, them hidden behind a bush. A love that would be forged between fiery caresses and overwhelming sincerity.
"You doubt it?" he asks, tilting his head, immediately receiving a kiss on the collarbone that protrudes through the collar of his wide wool jacket and threatens to slide down his shoulder.
"I would never doubt you."
Jungkook leans in to kiss him and Taehyung gladly receives it, fitting the pieces together as fate intended. His hearts got what they wanted, between each slow and soft movement they reconfirmed their love. There are no caresses under the clothes, just kisses and more kisses, laughter in between when Jungkook pulls Taehyung's lower lip and he touches the younger's body with both hands.
They continue kissing until their lips burn and turn an intense red, saliva decorating them. Jungkook doesn't move away from Taehyung and leaves a peck that makes them laugh. He leaves another and another and another, another.
"I love you." Taehyung states with conviction, with the peace of mind that it was always reciprocated feelings, there was always the same intensity.
"I love you more, hyung." he responds, hugging him as best he can, with the older's face on his chest, listening attentively to his heartbeat, the most beautiful melody in the world, the one that lulls him to sleep in the middle of the nature of Jungkook's patio.
The hug is firm but soft, light but deep, it's all two inveterate lovers need.
Taehyung brings his face out of hiding to raise his head and rest his chin on Jungkook's chest.
"Should we go celebrate that we're officially a couple?" the older asks, readjusting his grip on Jungkook's waist, with no room for him to move away from him, although he doesn't intend that.
Jungkook leans down again and brushes his hair away from his forehead so he has room to kiss his forehead loudly.
"Sounds like a good idea." he nods in agreement, running his hand through Taehyung's raven hair, between each strand that falls wildly across his face and neck. "I need some fun."
Taehyung's eyes take on a mischievous gleam and he gently squeezes Jungkook's waist over his clothes.
"I know a good place, trust me."
I trust you, now and always.