Chapter Text
91 AG: around a month later
Min stared at the window, trying to picture the hills and trees of her home, back in Nuo Providence. Instead of the comforting and familiar grounds that surrounded and covered her hometown, she was met with the red walls and yellow roofs of the Fire Nation’s imperial palace.
A sharp sting shot through her heart, reminding her that she wasn’t safe from the truth even in her head. There was no comfort she could find that could sooth her pain.
She had almost forgotten the sound of her father’s voice. Recalling the old man’s laugh was even harder- Min had focused singularly on retaining hope of going back home for months, but now that she was faced with the reality that walls were all she was going to see for the rest of her life.
The thoughts cleaved through her heart and cut down to her soul. Soon, she would have nothing left of her old life but her memories.
Even they were leaving her.
Amidst her mourning, an eunuch came calmly into the room. He said nothing, but the silence told Min more than his words ever could.
His eyes betrayed his silent grief for her.
They were brown.
Brown like mud.
Her heart sank lower than it ever had, plummeting towards the ground at catastrophic speeds.
In his hands, a jade tally- ‘Jing’ was scrawled in smooth black lines across the wood.
Min resolutely refused to waver. She took the tally and she took the feather garment he held. Bile rose in her throat and she blinked back tears. Still, Min accepted her fate and wore the garment.
Her providence was now under Fire Nation control. She couldn’t risk losing them, even if they had lost her. She had known too many that had suddenly vanished or died to the Fire Nation. She refused to add to the death count.
Min rationalized to herself, it had to end at one point. It couldn’t be impossible to ignore; and if she looked in a firm line upwards, she could pretend she was still dancing in the paddy fields with water splashing under her feet and slapping her knees.
But she still felt weak and sick.
The feather garment was the only thing covering her body from bareness.
The eunuch spoke, high and sorrowful, “I need to bind your feet, Lady Jing.”
She said nothing, but something on her face must have betrayed her thoughts, because he bowed his head and continued, “So that you cannot run.”
How could she have run, even if she wanted to? How could she have run from the Crown Prince, when his loyalists were every corner and she knew nothing of the land?
Tears, hot like fire, pricked her eyes and she hid fear and anger and sadness behind solemnity.
The eunuch bound her feet together and she sat in an intricately carved sedan chair, carried by the eunuch that talked to her and another eunuch, one she had not seen or heard.
They walked quietly, and without delay.
Min felt tempted to bow her head and let tears roll down her cheeks, but she would not bow to the Fire Nation. She would not let them win, even when they ripped her from her home and killed her people. She would face it all and she would come out winning, even if they didn’t know she won.
Rejuvenated, she felt strength to turn her head up in silent defiance, even if they didn’t know it was defiance.
The first thing she saw was the red that seemed to be everywhere, but this time, it didn’t make her feel sick. It made anger churn her stomach.
The next thing she saw was a metal statue of a bird, gray turning green from oxidation, with feathers that flamed out behind it. Nothing- not even the design or engravement, gave away the spiritual meaning of it- but somehow Min knew that this bird was important.
It could have been the reverence the eunuchs seemed to hold for the statue, but it also could have been the powerful aura the seemingly harmless statue exuded.
She knew this bird was important to the Fire Nation. However, her family had always taken care to avoid hearing beyond what was imperative about the Fire Nation: where the troops would be, if there was political turmoil, when the next attack would be. She knew little to nothing about Fire Nation culture and she would have liked to keep it that way.
Hearing about the Fire Nation made her father’s chest clench and her mother would get so worked up, she would go to her old house’s decaying remains and pray to spirits.
Hearing about the Fire Nation meant they weren’t safe, even tucked away in the deep threshes of the Earth Kingdom, even next to Ba Sing Se.
But when she looked at the statue, Min knew that she couldn’t ignore it in the same way anymore.
The eunuch behind her was mumbling something. Min ignored him. It was the man that talked to her.
He must have realized she was ignoring him, because he pulled the sedan chair up until the slant made Min so uncomfortable that she looked back at him, craning her neck awkwardly.
He whispered, in the same shrill voice as before, “Bow your head when you see them. And don’t bring it back up.”
Min frowned. She wouldn’t do that.
Then she saw who he was talking about. A woman, impossibly beautiful in a woeful way, like tragedies would be written about her and the curse of her beauty, staring at Min with bright gold eyes. Eyes like a hawk, but so human in a way Min couldn’t deny. Min’s throat went dry. Behind the woman, two children stood. They hadn’t noticed her until the smaller one, locked eyes with Min. This girl’s eyes, though brown like most who were Fire, were piercing and introspective beyond her years.
Min had to look away.
But curiosity overwhelmed her, and she looked at the last person there. The other child had the golden eyes of the beautiful woman, but lacked the sharpness of the two next to her. They were soft and warm in a way Min had not seen before.
The soft child broke the spell cast over everyone there as she spoke to the woman next to her. Min couldn’t hear them from halfway across the courtyard. The almost-ghostly woman turned with a gentle smile. She brought her hand to pet the child’s head, stroking the child’s pitch black hair.
The other girl grew visibly frustrated at being ignored and said something that snapped the attention of the other two onto her and away from their previous conversation. But this time, the woman didn’t smile and stroke her head; she turned, impossibly, paler. She flinched back slightly, in a way that wouldn’t have been visible if Min hadn’t been focusing on them. The one with warm eyes didn’t notice, eyebrows furrowed and anger clearly taking over her, but the child who instigated the new conversation clearly did. Min would have liked to know what they were talking about, but the eunuchs took the opportunity where the women weren’t focused on them to leave quickly.
The talkative eunuch shook the chair and mumbled incoherent words under his breath.
The mumbling went on and on, until he finally told her clearly, “You should have bowed. That was Princess Ursa and the Princesses Zhilan and Azula.”
She recognized those names. There wasn’t a soul alive in the Earth Kingdom that wasn’t aware of the Fire Nation royals, even those as far down the succession line as Ursa and her children. As much as she avoided news that related to the Fire Nation, when such important events as an addition to the imperial family occurred, you couldn’t remain unknowledgeable of it. Maybe a merchant would tell you, or a traveler, or a gossipy neighbor would, or you would be in a crowd and overhear, or you would read the tabloids printed out and passed to everyone. Ultimately, you would know.
She wouldn’t have bowed regardless if it was a servant or a royal. She would not bow to the Fire Nation ever again.
Still, the experience unsettled her. She kept her face upwards and her back straight, but her eyes were trained at the sky, if only to avoid more eye contact.
Min closed her eyes and let her breath out in a ragged exhale.
She didn’t know how many more she would have left, but she knew she wouldn’t submit to anyone ever again.
The sound of doors opening made her freeze, and her eyes remained glued closed. This time, she didn’t know if she could open them.
The sedan chair was set down.
Min hadn’t felt the urge to cry since she left the room they forced her in.
But she opened her eyes anyway and froze.
The man facing her was who she expected it to be, but seeing his face again was shaking her to her core.
When she looked at the man, she saw the fire and smelt the smoke of the burning houses. She could smell the burnt flesh like it was happening all over again. But she was in his room, and not on the rocky ground of Nuo Providence.
The sudden loose feeling between her ankles made Min look down. The eunuch unbound her legs and quickly retreated.
The door closed behind him.
Iroh sniffed, clearly preparing to start a conversation. “This is the Palace of Earthly Tranquility.”
Min wanted to know why there were so many palaces within one, but she was unwilling to speak to the man.
He chuckled. “Not much of a talker, I see.”
Then Min went blank. All she saw was the smoke plumes swaying in the wind and the deadly orange fire coming out of the soldiers’ hands over and over again. The ones that fought were the ones that burned for it. She felt the blood drying under her fingernails and she saw Iroh again. He came after his soldiers and he brought more destruction. He saw her and suddenly she was on her knees begging for her people’s lives.
Then she was in a bed, with no one next to her. There were two women in the room, shuffling around with clothes and other things with their backs turned to her.
She didn’t have the feather garment to cover her anymore.
She couldn’t breathe.
Min found herself wishing that the breath she took on the sedan before she came in had been her last. She wished she died back when the Fire Nation first came.
She wished everyone did, so at least they would have been free instead of at the Fire Nation’s mercy.
Then they turned around in unison, and saw she was awake.
The women didn’t startle when they saw her, but they didn’t remain stoic. One looked down to avoid her gaze, like she knew what happened to Min and felt sorrow for her. The other, clearly older than Min and the other woman, sighed deeply.
“Lady Jing.” The one that sighed said. “You need to be ready for Crown Prince Iroh’s homecoming banquet.”
Min didn’t voice her thoughts: that she didn’t want to go and she would rather die than see that man again.
They didn’t seem to notice she had emotions other than shock that they were here, even with their eyes trained on her.
The woman continued speaking. “As Crown Prince Iroh’s new concubine, you must attend. We are your handmaidens. We’ll prepare you for the banquet and take you there.”
The woman gave no pause, and ordered Min to stand up.
She was naked.
Neither of the handmaidens seemed to care, scrubbing her body clean.
The unwanted touch made her flinch, and she noticed for the first time how sore her body was. Min wanted to cry and never stop.
They dressed her in beautiful clothing, similar in many ways but different to her traditional clothing. It was much more extravagant than anything she had ever seen, or imagined clothes could be. Still, it was light and soft on her body and didn’t weigh half as much as the appearance suggested it would be.
They pinned her hair back and put such brilliant looking ornaments in it, Min knew the nobles back home would gawk at the sheer cost and design of the lavish accessories.
She couldn’t look in the mirror and recognize the person gazing back at her.
The handmaiden that avoided eye contact before had hazel brown eyes and a soft demeanor, and she was the most gentle than anyone had been to her in the past four months she had been in the captivity of the Fire Nation. She was the one that applied makeup to Min’s face, quickly and silently.
She did it perfectly.
Min didn’t know when she stopped looking so Earth and looked Fire, but sometime between putting on the expensive clothing and the makeup, she had made the transition.
But her eyes remained stubbornly green, one thing no makeup could change.
Just like her spirit. The Fire National could do whatever they wanted to her, but they couldn’t change her spirit. She knew who she was. They couldn’t change that.
They walked in silence to the ‘Hall of Preserving Harmony’. Her feet hurt by the end of it, sore from the binding and sore still from the tight shoes.
The handmaidens moved in silence, and Min was unwilling to break it.
She passed the bird statue.
Then the handmaiden with the precise hand spoke, as quiet as her unassuming demeanor suggested she would be, “That’s a statue of a phoenix, Fenghuang. Take it as good luck for your new life here.”
Min knew she meant well, so she responded, trying not to sound bitter about the fact that she knew more of the Fire Nation than she ever intended to, “Why is it here?”
The handmaiden must have taken Min responding as a sign of Min’s good will, because she responded, brighter and more passionate than before, “They’re meant to be seen when new emperors are going to be throned, and as long as it remains in the home of the royal family, it shows us that their family will govern the Fire Nation. And they’re thought of with the sun, Agni.”
Min hoped the royal family of the Fire Nation would all die soon, but she didn’t voice it in a place where such words could get her killed. She settled for a “Hm.”
But the handmaiden didn’t stop talking. “Fenghuang is associated with summer, too, and that’s when bending is the strongest and everyone feels the best then too.”
Min didn’t care. “Hm.”
It would be in her best interest to pay mind to the spirits and deities of the Fire Nation, so Min kept her mind open and listened for the handmaiden’s voice. But she didn’t talk anymore.
They lapsed back into silence.
The old handmaiden said sharply, “Don’t speak to anyone that doesn’t speak to you. Don’t make eye contact. Bow your head when you meet those superior to you. Don’t eat before…”
Min’s head began to spin.
When she was inside the hall, people were talking in groups. No one paid attention to her, but she felt eyes on her, hot and uncomfortable.
She was approached by Ursa, who was dressed somehow more lavishly than Min herself. Ursa looked hopeful and prepared, gold hawk-like eyes trained on Min.
“Hello.” Ursa said, red painted lips curving into a smile.
“Hello.” Min said.
“My name is Ursa,” Ursa said, “I’m Prince Ozai’s wife.”
“I’m Jing,” Min said, similarly painted red lips bending into a fake smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Sentiments returned.” Ursa said. “I would like to extend an invitation to tea, later.”
If Ursa thought they could be friends, she would let her think Min would like to be friends with her as well.
Smile stretching into a broader smile, Min purred, “I would love that, Princess.”
Ursa blinked. Then she laughed. “I expected you to need more convincing than that.”
Min hummed. “I don’t have any friends here, so your invitation is more than welcome.”
Ursa exhaled shakily, like the most nerve wracking thing that she could think of passed. Then she smiled. “There will be more. Sit with me.”
For a minute, Min thought that Ursa meant the banquet would start soon, but Ursa gestured to a bench by a wall that overlooked everyone else in the room.
Min sat next to her, nerves forming and anxiety threatening to choke her.
“I should have asked where you wanted to sit,” Ursa started, “I’m sorry for not asking. I wanted to sit where I could see my kids.”
Then she nodded her head in a direction and Min looked there. She saw the small one with sharp eyes with two other little girls, who Min didn’t recognize.
“And the other?” Min asked, turning to look at Ursa.
Ursa looked at her, amused. “I wasn’t aware you knew of my children.”
Min flicked her eyes downward to avoid eye contact with the princess. “Everyone does, where I’m from.” She said coolly.
Ursa accepted this as an answer, and when Min looked back at her, she nodded her head in the opposite direction Azula had been.
The girl with Ursa’s eyes was talking with- Min’s breath caught in her throat and formed a lump. Zhilan was talking with Iroh.
She felt dizzy.
Min looked down immediately.
Ursa, either naive or trying hard to not be conscious of Min’s truth, continued speaking in a light tone. “Do you have any children, Jing?”
“No.” Min said hoarsely. “I was too young to consider it yet.”
“How old are you?” Ursa asked softly, looking at Min with softer eyes.
“Twenty. I turned twenty a month after I went with Iroh.”
Ursa harshly sucked a breath through her teeth. “I was twenty-one.”
“I’m sorry.” Min said, even though she didn’t feel sorry for Ursa. “I know how it feels, to be ripped from everything.”
Ursa looked at her with yellow-gold eyes that startled Min each time she saw them. Her eyes held a strange mixture of hope and misery, and her face contorted into a strange expression.
“Princess Ursa?” Min asked.
The hauntingly beautiful woman turned her piercing gold eyes from her children and onto Min. “Yes, Jing?”
The fake name gave Min pause, and she startled when she realized Jing was her. “I just wanted to ask.. I mean, I need to know if it ever gets better.”
The silence made Min realize she didn’t elaborate on what she meant, but Ursa seemed to understand, eyes mournful and the elegant plains of her face twisted into a muted sadness.
“You want to know if you ever stop missing your home.” A statement. Ursa knew the answer.
Min nodded silently.
“Jing, I’m sorry.” Ursa said quietly, as if lowering her tone would make the words sting less, “I miss it everyday. Now that my daughter looks more and more like my mother, it hurts everytime I see her.”
Min didn’t ask which one.
She also didn’t offer any apologies, because despite Ursa being a kindred spirit and the nicest person here, she felt no pity for her.
It was hard to feel pity for a Fire royal, even one as soft as Ursa. Min couldn’t block out the picture of people burning, as clear and stark in her memory as it was the day it happened, even months later.
The only thing she felt was melancholy. A buzzing feeling took over, and Ursa’s words replayed on loop in her mind.
Min heard the words when she was eating dinner, when she was walking through the imperial garden and walking from palace to palace.
The ringing in her ears didn’t leave until she was in the room she began the day in.
Then she cried.