Chapter Text
When she visited Sasuke for his birthday, he was already waiting for her. There was tea and rice crackers, and she brought onigiris too, since he liked them and she hadn’t been cooking for him a lot lately.
“I did my homework with Naruto-kun and Sakura-chan” she told him, taking out the notebook from her backpack. “Do you, perhaps… would like to read it?”
Sasuke shrugged, but he extended his hand so Hinata gave him the notebook immediately. She fidgeted, playing with her fingers as he read. When he was done, he put it down on the table and she looked at him expectantly.
“I always knew you weren’t that much into being a shinobi but…” he shook his head, deciding not to voice whatever he had been thinking. “At least you’re trying to find joy in it” he said, settling for that.
Hinata was curious though. She didn’t want to be kept in the dark but she also wasn’t sure if she truly wanted to know. She could guess a little of it, anyway.
“I’m sorry for that, Sasuke-kun, I know how diligent you are when it comes to training to become a shinobi” she said slowly, smiling in apology.
He snorted. “Why are you apologizing? The fact I want to become a shinobi shouldn’t affect your views on it, or how you feel. You’re only pursuing this path because of your family anyway, no?”
“I mean, yes…” she bit her lip, glancing away and feeling embarrassed for some reason. “But you like it, and I know you would prefer it if I liked it too.”
“Can’t really expect everyone to want the same” he shrugged, passing her back the notebook. Hinata took it and tucked it back into her backpack. “Honestly speaking, it’s kind of the same for me” he said after a while, surprising her.
“What do you mean?”
“I was the son of the Uchiha clan head” he explained, grabbing his teacup and letting the warmth sip into his hands. “The second son, but still, it was expected of me to follow in my father’s footsteps and become a shinobi and part of the police force just like him. It wasn’t a burden for me the same as it is for you, and it was something I actually wanted, so that made it easier for me, but… even if it was something I didn’t want, it wouldn’t matter anymore now. Not with how things are. Not with what I have to do” he whispered, narrowed eyes on the table.
Hinata stared at him, heart beating hard in her chest. Sasuke was talking about himself… about his family and what he really wanted in life. It wasn’t often he did that, that he became so sincere or spoke about himself. Usually, it was only comfortable silences with them, or when they talked, it was about her. Sasuke talking about his own feelings to her… it was something she appreciated. Quite a lot.
Gulping, she grabbed her teacup as well and took a sip. She spoke softly when she put it down. “Did you write that in your homework, Sasuke-kun?” she couldn’t help but ask.
At her question, his attitude changed. He rolled his eyes, a bitter expression overcoming his features. “Of course not. I wrote something generic about wanting to honor my ancestors by pursuing the same path as they had before. It is a stupid homework anyway. I don’t have any dreams for the future. I only have an objective. Nothing else matters.”
Nothing else matters. She supposed it didn’t. She shouldn’t have asked.
And she shouldn’t ask what she wanted to know right now, either. She really shouldn’t, but…
“And after that? What are you going to do after your objective is over?”
…but she couldn’t help herself. It was something often on the back of her mind, whenever Sasuke would speak about this, whenever his behavior would turn cold or he would close off because of the little reminders.
What was Sasuke going to do once he, hypothetically, killed the only family he had left in the world?
Itachi isn’t family the thought came up, uninvited. But it was the truth. For Sasuke, he wasn’t. Not the boy that had killed everyone he loved and left only him… for what? Why had Itachi decided to spare Sasuke and no one else? Not even the other children?
It was something she had always wondered.
“After?” Sasuke frowned, voice sounding distant. As if it was a completely new thought, as if it had never occurred to him there might be an after. It broke Hinata’s heart, but, most of all, it filled her with dread.
Because, surely, Sasuke knew there would be an after, right?
…right?
“I…” he started, hesitant, and Hinata waited for an entire minute, heart pumping almost out of her chest. “I… I don’t know. Who cares about that?” he said, shaking his head as if trying to get rid of unwanted thoughts. “The important thing is that I get the world rid of that… that monster first, to serve justice, and then… maybe then…”
He closed his mouth, staring at the table, his mind far away from here, from her. Hinata knew she would regret asking, but she didn’t expect she would feel like this. She hadn’t meant to… to disrupt him so much. Tightening her fists until she was clenching the fabric of her jacket, she opened her mouth to speak up, but no words came out.
Sasuke noticed what she was trying to do though, and that snapped him out of his thoughts. He glared at her, annoyed. “Stop looking at me like that! As I already said, who cares about what I do after? For me it’s enough to just get to that objective. Everything else should be superfluous.”
Hinata didn’t think that way, but she also saw that if she pressed, he would close off or worse, kick her out. She hadn’t wanted to upset him, especially not during his birthday, and while any other time she might have pushed… this time, only this time, she decided to step aside and give him some breathing room.
“Of course” she said, grabbing a rice cracker and biting into it. It tasted like nothing. “I’m sorry I asked” she added after swallowing, feeling incredibly sheepish on top of distressed.
Sasuke relaxed, shoulders slumping forward, and she could tell he was glad she hadn’t pursued the topic. “I told you to stop apologizing” he said, low, grabbing a rice cracker of his own.
That was the last sentence exchanged between the two of them for a long, long while during Hinata’s visit. It wasn’t until it was almost time to leave that Sasuke spoke again.
“Thanks for the onigiri. See you when classes start again.”
…maybe her words had affected him more than expected. Hinata could only hope he would think them over and not concentrate only on how strange they surely made him feel.