Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jay was never truly alone as a child. She always had someone watching over her, preventing her from running. Her father didn’t trust her, he never had. He wanted her to stay in the nest, to never leave, unless it was to follow in his footsteps. “Songbird, you’re too little,” He’d tell her.

He’d begrudgingly allowed her work at the tavern, although he made it extremely clear that it was all thanks to her mother refusing to allow her to join the Navy. As if Jay didn’t know that already. Her father didn’t know that the vent in her room connected to the kitchen.

So she heard every. last. argument. that her parents had. Every red tinged argument filled with fury over Jay being such a disappointment, for her not wanting to follow her family’s path. Every argument in which her mother shouted that the tavern was part of their family’s path as well, that they’d owned that tavern for centuries. And that if her father couldn’t accept that, then gods be damned, she’d leave.

“She needs to toughen up, May! She can’t be our little songbird forever!” Her dad would shout.

“She’s already tough!” Her mother would retort. “And gods, if you think she’s just a little songbird, you need to look at her!”

Jay didn’t particularly like hearing those conversations, but she found other, more important things through it. The vent was how she found out that Ava was joining the Navy. “At least one of my children won’t be a horrendous disappointment,” Her father had shouted, the sound echoing through the metal. Jay didn’t understand at first, but when she did she jumped from the floor and ran to Ava’s room, her hands shaking as she knocked on her sister’s door.

When Ava answered, she had a sad smile on her face, full of promises and disappointment and something else. Jay was too young to recognise it on that day, but looking at the final picture she had ever taken with her sister, she could identify it. Bravery and hope. Her sister had always been so brave.

She was barely twelve when Ava left with little more than a hug and a promise to return, a note tucked into her hand that told her that she hoped Jay would follow her into the Navy. ‘ I love you, Bluejay,’ her note read. She treasured that note, tucking it into the corner of the picture frame she kept on her nightstand. 

Jay was fifteen when her parents got a letter. It was a warm night in late summer. She’d been working at the tavern all day, so she was exhausted. She was falling asleep when she heard a familiar voice scream. Her mother. May was the bravest person she knew, besides Ava. Something must have been horribly, horribly wrong for her to scream like that.

Jay leaped from her bed and ran downstairs, where she saw her mother standing by the kitchen table. Her father was standing behind her, holding her up. Her mother was clutching a paper, her hands trembling so much that Jay could barely read it over her shoulder as she ran up.

We regret to inform you that Ava Ferin has been lost.

Jay didn’t understand at first, looking at her mother. “..Lost?” She whispered. Her mother cried out again, her sobs getting louder and louder as she turned to her husband, clinging to him. Jay turned her gaze upon her father, his normally fiery eyes looking rather watery. Was he…crying? But why…

Lost. Ava. “No!” Jay shouted as the pieces clicked together much more quickly than she wanted them to, wishing that things would just stop. Ava hadn’t sent them a letter in ages, but she couldn’t be…“She’s not, they’re lying! She’s not!”

Jay couldn’t handle this. Ava wasn’t dead, she wasn’t gone. Ava wasn’t…She felt a hand fall on her shoulder and flinched, sure that pain was to follow for raising her voice at her father. But instead he pulled her to her feet. “Jay, your sister is gone.” He told her, repeating what she’d already figured out. She shook her head.

“No,” She whispered. Her father didn’t respond, simply bowing his head and pulling her in for a hug. The three of them wept in the kitchen for hours, their house becoming a dim reflection of a home. Jay looked back upon that day as the last Normal Day. Nothing was the same after that.

For years, Jay walked into their house after work, and she saw her father look up at her, his eyes widening. He never said it, but she knew that she looked like Ava. 

• ~•

Jay never believed in the illusion of choice until she met Chip. She’d been raised to know that she really only had two options: work at the tavern or join the Navy. After losing her sister, she couldn’t put her mom through anything like that again. She promised to work in the tavern, to never leave the nest, to just be their songbird.

So here she was, twenty years old, at the tavern on a normal Tuesday afternoon. Little did she know, everything was about to change.

“Jay-Jay! Come listen to this man!” Her mother shouted to her, laughing. Jay weaved through the tables, smiling at her mother’s happiness. She crossed to the bar, where a brunette man with a white shirt and suspenders was talking, explaining all about how he was-

“On the Black Rose ship! I knew Drey Ferin!” He exclaimed. Jay glanced at her mother, smiling at the way she rolled her eyes. Her mother rarely looked so joyful anymore, and Jay knew that she needed to appreciate it while she was happy. 

“He’s saying he knew your uncle Drey, Jay-Jay,” May explained, smiling at her daughter. She patted her on the shoulder, adjusting the tie her daughter wore as part of her uniform.

“Really?” Jay asked incredulously, looking the man up and down. He didn’t look like much, probably early twenties. He was skinny and had two swords attached to his belt by thin chains. “Him? A pirate?”

“I’ll have you know that I am a pirate. Captain of the Big Chipper, ever heard of it?” He asked, that cocky smirk still on his face. Jay tilted her head, pretending to think as she brushed some of her hair out of her face, and upon second thought, pulled it up into a ponytail.

“I don’t think so. What’s your name? I’m Jay.”

“My name’s Chip. Captain Chip."

• ~•

Jay had never believed in true friendship until she met Gillion. She was standing at the helm of the ship on a warm, sunny afternoon when she saw a face appear above the water. A blue skinned man with green hair and a colourful coral crown on his head. She walked over to the side of the ship and looked at him. “Hello?” She called out, waving at him.

He looked up at her and waved back, smiling. “Hello! My name is Gillion Tidestrider, Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep, the One.” Jay blinked. That was more of a greeting than she’d expected.

“I’m Jay,” She shouted back to him, going to where the gate by the ladder was. She unlocked it. Gillion waited for a moment before frowning.

“No titles?” He asked, looking mildly confused. She shrugged, thinking.

“Um…Sister of Ava?” She shouted down. Gillion smiled and nodded.

“That’s a good title! Jay, Sister of Ava, can I board your boat?” He asked. Jay considered it for a moment. He didn’t look like he’d be a threat, so she shrugged.

“Sure,” Gillion swam over to the ladder as Chip came back abovedecks, freezing at the sight of the fish man. 

“Uh, Jay? Who is this?” He asked. Jay opened her mouth to answer, but Gillion beat her to the punch.

“My name is Gillion Tidestrider, Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep, the One. Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m Chip. Captain.” He told Gillion. “Can I call you Gill?”

When Gillion agreed, Chip smiled. And by that night, they had a new member of their crew. Gillion was very easily trusting, and it made it easier for them to welcome him. He was kind and oddly strong considering that he was even shorter than Chip.

(Months later, when she stared Gillion in the eyes as she raised her bow tipped with a flaming arrow, she could see that same trust in his eyes. “The choice is yours, Jay.” He’d whisper, smiling at her.)

• ~•

Jay never was one for breaking up fights, but Gill and Chip would kill each other if she didn’t interfere. Even when she’d gone to bed the night before, she’d heard Gill’s uncharacteristically angry comment he’d made to Chip.

“Some things are even fouler than Earl’s ass,” Gill had growled, staring Chip down before slamming the lid on his barrel. When Jay had awoken the next morning, the ship was cold, despite them drifting through the warmer southern ocean. Chip had believed it to be pirates, so she’d done the obvious; run upstairs.

But it was just Gillion, holding his sword in the middle of an icy arena that covered the decks of the ship. Jay decided to wait at the top of the stairs. Gill told Chip of the warnings he’d been given about humans and how awful they were, and how he’d ignored them in favour of joining their crew. Of being a Riptide Pirate. 

“You took me aboard, and I felt as if I could trust you,” Gillion said, not making eye contact with Chip. He was staring at the other side of the arena. “But sometimes one must admit their hubris.”

Gill continued talking, but the ringing in Jay’s ears grew louder and louder. She could have screamed as the two of them kept talking. She hadn’t joined the Navy because she didn’t want to end up like her sister, trapped between two worlds and torn apart by the expectations. But here she was, watching her two closest friends get ready to fight.

“You call me honorless?” Chip asked.

“Then prove me wrong,” Gill commanded the taller man. Chip shook his head as Jay stepped back down another step, listening to them argue. 

“Gill, I’m not going to kill you!” Chip shouted.

“You don’t need to,” Gill whispered. “But I need to kill the demons you have let sprout from these deeds that you caused me to commit.”

Gill spoke for another minute before he turned to Chip, the golden sword pointed at Chip’s heart. “Accept my challenge, Chip. If you are a friend.”

“You really want to fight me after everything we’ve been through?” Chip asked, his anger palpable. He used one of his own swords to knock Gill’s weapon to the side as he stepped forward to poke Gill in the chest with his finger. “You really want to act like you’re so much better than me after you destroy my ship, rope me into everything I didn’t want to be a part of? And just cause I made a couple of jokes-”

Gill cut him off, using the flat of his blade to shove him away. But the fish-man’s response wasn’t audible over Chip’s raised voice. “You really want to kill me, Gill?!”

“And how was I supposed to know that the animals up here do not eat this ‘gunpowder?’” Gill retorted, his voice mixing with Chip’s as they kept arguing.

“Gillion Tidestrider is done talking, okay?!” Chip shouted, shoving Gill back. “I walked into those woods for you, okay? I wouldn’t have done it for anyone else! And now you want to fight me? And now you want to create a giant colosseum to fight me? I had your back. Always. Do you want to fight? Let’s go.”

Chip got both of his swords out and pointed them at Gill. The shorter man made eye contact with him. “Thank you.” He nodded. At that point, Jay walked the rest of the way up the stairs, feeling the gust of icy wind hit her in the chest, temporarily stealing her breath. The two of them were already fighting.

Gill raised his blade into the air, a blast of lightning ricocheting through the metal into Chip’s body. He glared at Gillion and ran towards him. He slashed at Gill, but missed both attacks. Jay regained her bearings at that point, looking back and forth between them. She heard Earl shouting something.

“What the fuck?!” Jay shouted, running in between them. “What are you guys doing?”

“Chip is redeeming his favor with me, Jay,” Gill explained. Oh. Jay shrugged, stepping back. She’d wait to interfere if it seemed like Gill was actually going to kill Chip. Or, she supposed, if Gill was almost killed by Chip, but that seemed unlikely.

“Is that the consequences of your actions, Chip?” She asked, tilting her head. Chip glared at her as he slashed at Gillion. The two men kept fighting, the sound of metal loudly clanking echoing throughout the arena.

“I bet money on the fish!” Old Man Earl shouted as Chip launched himself over Gill’s head and slashed on his back.

A bolt of lighting arced down over Gill again, surrounding him. As he slashed open Chip’s back, the brunette fell to the ground, blood streaming down his back as he struggled to his knees. He dropped his swords, staring up at Gill. “Alright, what now Gill? Gonna kill me?” He choked the words out.

“Are you forfeiting on me, Chip?” Gill asked. Chip shook his head.

“No. I’m not. But I’m not doing this anymore.”

“I will not accept a forfeit. I will accept a win or a loss.” Chip shook his head at Gill’s words.

“You know what? Fuck your traditions,” He reached out and pulled Gill’s longsword forward until it was pressed against his neck. “You want to kill me? Go ahead!”

“You know this is not a victory for me. You have cheated me before and you cheat me now.” And with that, Jay had enough. She ran forwards and knocked Gill’s sword from his hand using her own shortsword.

• ~•

Jay had never felt true fear until she was standing at the entry to her room, the barrel of a gun pressed against the back of her skull. She dimly wondered in the moments before the voice began speaking if this was what Ava felt like as she was dying. She doubted it. Her sister had always been so much braver than she was.

Ava was a warrior, and Jay was a songbird.

Her sister was brave enough to follow in her father’s footsteps, to join the Navy. And Jay was stuck in the tavern, stuck in the nest. Stuck. Trapped. All alone, until a man with a cocky smirk strolled into the bar one day.

“What is Navy doing here?” The person behind her hissed, their voice unfamiliar. Jay felt like turning around and smacking them for that.

“I’m not Navy,” She told them, her hand drifting down to her own revolver. She didn’t grab it though. Looking back on that day months in the future, she couldn’t imagine what would have happened if she had grabbed it. She might have killed Chip’s sister, just as someone had killed Ava.

Once the person left the room, leaving Jay alone, she ran downstairs to her friends, explaining what had happened. And they both…believed her. Gill even slept in her closet that night, weird as it must have been. 

Jay thought about telling Chip and Gillion that she wasn’t just a helpless songbird, but when she thought about it…they knew that already.

• ~•

Jay never thought her father would be proud of her until she saw him in the BLOCK, his lips dripping with saccharine promises and commands. To discipline. To mete out justice just as her father always had. He pointed at her friends, his eyes glowing red with fury as she turned to look at them.

Chip was standing behind Gillion, but it was him with whom she made eye contact first. He looked…scared. He looked so fucking scared in a way that she had never seen him look before. More than that, he looked helpless. She looked away as quickly as she’d looked at him, her father’s words echoing through her mind.

“Discipline them, songbird,” He commanded. Jay raised her bow, nocking an arrow and pulling back the string. Her eyes glowed red, burning with a strange sort of pride as her father watched. And as her bow ignited, she felt a sick feeling in her stomach. 

• ~•

Jay never believed that she would betray her friends until she shot Gillion. Her hands were trembling as she held the bow. She looked down at him, made eye contact first, and his look conveyed something that words never could. 

They’d all changed since they’d joined the crew. All of them had changed so much. But Gillion had changed from a man willing to duel Chip over his pranks to the man standing before her today.

The man who had just taken off his chestplate in refusal of just letting her leave. This man who was willing to die for his friends. She could see Chip taking his bandana off in her peripheral vision, fading back into himself.

But she didn’t have a choice. She closed her eyes, and with a look of regret, Jay let the arrow fly.

It buried itself in Gillion’s stomach, the fire being extinguished after a seemingly endless moment as he coughed.

Chip shouted Jay’s name as Gillion fell forward to one knee. 

“The choice is your own, Jay. And sincerely, I hope it was worth it.” Gillion told her, coughing. And then he fell forward, Chip catching him by the shoulders. 

Gillion Tidestrider, Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep, the One, Friend of Dugon, Dugon’s friend, Beater of Ass, Eater of Grass, Singer and Songwriter of Hole in Your Heart, was bleeding out in a Navy prison.

All because of Jay Ferin. His supposed friend.

Chip was staring at her as if she was a monster. And Jay couldn’t hold it in anymore. She burst into tears, sobbing silently as she stared at her bow. And she made a decision. “..You want to know my secret so bad, Chip?"

Her friend was silent as she spoke, her voice shaking with the weight of her confession. “I was using you. From the beginning.”

When Chip spoke, his voice was soft, confused. “What do you mean? Using me?”

Jay took a breath. “I just…I wanted to get closer. To whoever killed my sister. I did whatever I could. I convinced the Navy to let me go undercover. And you’re…you just happened to be there. I was just using you.”

“So all this…everything…it’s..” Chip whispered, looking heartbroken in a way that Jay might have been the only one to truly understand.

“It meant nothing to me.” Jay told him, looking away from him, dropping her bow to the ground.

“I don’t believe that,” Chip told her.

“Yeah,” Marshall John agreed, standing up. “And I don’t believe that either.”

• ~•

Jay never believed in forgiveness until she saw it for herself. The morning after they left the BLOCK, Jay wasn’t going to bother going to breakfast. She wasn’t even planning on getting out of her hammock. She was thinking about just lying there forever in isolation, unwilling to even think about facing Gillion and Chip.

But she heard someone knocking repeatedly on the wooden wall right past her curtain. She sat up as Chip started shouting. “Jay-Jay! Get up! It’s your turn to do the dishes. Jay-Jay!”

Jay got up and threw the partition open. “Stop calling me that.” Chip raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh, looks like someone’s grumpy,” He teased, leaning against the wall. His face became uncharacteristically serious for a moment. “You know Gill’s not mad at you, right?”

Jay shrugged and tried to push past him, but he caught her arm, staring her in the eyes. She looked away and tried to pull out of his grip as he kept talking. “You’re not your father, Jay. And you’re not your sister either, for that matter.”

“I’m sure people would like me to be her, though,” Jay whispered. “My dad would.”

Chip rolled his eyes. “Gill and I aren’t your dad. And I don’t think we want a Navy captain here, either. On a pirate ship. You’re my friend, Jay.”

It was silent for a minute. Jay shook her head, shoving past him. She could practically hear Chip’s eye roll as he shouted after her. “Where are you going?”

“To the dishes,” Jay told him. “Unless you’d like to.”

They ended up doing the dishes together that morning. Gillion didn’t quite grasp the concept of using breakable plates.

• ~•

Jay never knew that you could mourn someone that wasn’t dead until Old Man Earl left them. He’d planned to just walk off on Allport, without even saying goodbye. And when they’d caught up with him, he was the same snarky old man as always, but his voice carried a note of sadness.

And she saw herself reflected in him. Both of them were living for someone who was dead. Both of them were living for someone who couldn’t. Jay was living for Ava, and Earl was living for his wife. As she watched Old Man Earl walking away from their crew, she grabbed Chip’s arm. Chip didn’t say anything, instead just putting his hand over hers as Earl started shouting. 

“They went that way!” He told the Navy soldiers. And then he walked to the elevator, not looking back. And the three of them stood there in a heavy silence before Chip turned, picked up Ollie, and began walking back to the ship. Jay and Gillion exchanged a look, Gill looking mildly stunned, and they turned and followed him.

That night, Jay woke up to the sound of Ollie’s sobs. She got out of her hammock and moved the curtain that served to give her a more private corner than the others had. She unhooked the lantern from the hook above her hammock and walked towards Ollie’s corner. She could hear someone whispering, trying to comfort him. Chip.

She knocked on Gill’s barrel, waking him up. He climbed out and followed her over to Ollie, and the two of them sat down. Chip looked at them, but Ollie was the first to speak. “Old Man Earl left!”

“Yeah,” Jay said, unable to find any other words. “He did. But he’ll come back.”

Ollie sniffed and looked up at her. “How do you know?”

Jay shrugged. “He seems like the type to keep his promises.”

• ~•

Jay never believed in true family until she was a member of a pirate crew, ironic as it was. She’d always been warned about how traitorous and awful pirates were.

But she’d never felt love like this before.

She’d been shown love before, by her mother.

She’d been shown love by her sister, Ava. 

She’d even been shown love, albeit a sick, twisted kind, by her father. 

But she’d never had close friends before now. 

She’d never had people that she was willing to kill and die for to that degree.

She had a family now.

She had a home, one that wasn’t with the Navy.

She wasn’t the person that she’d dreamed of being when she was younger, but that was okay.

She’d carved out her own path. She wasn’t just a Ferin anymore.

She wasn’t just a helpless songbird anymore, either. In fact, she wasn’t sure she’d ever been a helpless songbird.

She was Jay Ferin, Riptide Pirate, Friend of Chip and Gillion, Sister of Ava.

And as she stood on the deck of the Albatross, Gillion and Chip next to her, she remembered her oath.

She was going to be the best goddamned pirate this world had ever seen.