Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Esora picked her fingers while everyone else around her talked in the cafeteria, having lunch before the school day will soon end, she only had one clue about their conversation, which was some fan letters Kyoko got a while ago, something about how she was going have to throw it away, but that didn't concern her right now.

Her concern right now was Yuka.

Why are her lips so soft-looking? She thought as she stared at Yuka’s lips, which had been swimming in her thoughts the whole day, she never noticed it until now but they looked… so kissable.

Right as the thought came to mind she shook her head, trying to shake those thoughts away about her dear friend.

No! Bad Esora, no! Don’t think that! She slapped her cheeks, that was the thing that took the thought off her head, making her sigh. Where did that come from? Ugh….

As she tried to make the thoughts dissipate she didn’t notice her friends looking at her with worried looks in their eyes.

“Esora? Are you okay?” Yuka asked, making the thoughts flood back immediately.

“Hm? Ah, I’m okay! I’m just a bit sleepy, hehe~” She showed them a smile. “I’ll just excuse myself, I need to go to the restroom.”

“Oh, sure!” Yuka showed her a smile and that managed to make Esora’s heart stutter. Where did that come from!?

She showed them another smile as she ran to the bathroom with flushed cheeks.

As soon as she arrived, she splashed water onto her face, trying to wake herself up properly.

What was wrong with her? She had never thought of Yuka in such a way until now, she had three whole years before, why now? She sighed, looking at herself in the mirror.

“Get a hold of yourself, Shimizu! You can’t just suddenly have a crush on your friend for no reason!” She yelled to the girl in the mirror. “You’ve got to have a proper reason other than her lips being soft god damn it!” She looked at herself in the mirror before turning to leave, as she turned, Esora heard a squeak coming from one of the stalls which made her do a double take and noticed two pairs of feet that were in the same stall, one pair of feet had their skirt pooled around it.

She also noticed a ribbon that fell down, which was purple.

As soon as her brain registered the ribbon, the skirt, and the squeak, she ran out of the bathroom embarrassed for another reason.

When she returned to her table, the flush on her cheeks did not disappear, which worried the other three.

“Esora?” Kyoko asked this time. “Are you really okay? Do you have a fever?”

“Yes, I’m fine I just…” She cleared her throat and started fanning her blush away. She needed a distraction, and she knew just what. “I just… saw two girls using the same stall.”

“And? What’s wrong with that?” Shinobu asked as she killed someone in her game.

“One of their skirts was pulled down,” Esora said simply, noticing the light blush on each of their cheeks.

“Oh,” Kyoko said, then cleared her throat.

Silence filled their table until Esora decided to break it after a moment. “One of them was a third year.”

“How did you know that?” Shinobu asked this time.

“A ribbon fell off one of them and it was purple,” Esora said calmly, but her face was still red.

“Oh, I see.” They all fell silent after Kyoko spoke, even with the other tables talking and Shinobu managing to play her game without her skill faltering, it felt that if a pin dropped they would’ve freaked out.

“Bet it’s Noa and Towa,” Shinobu said after she won her match, which caused everyone else at the table to start laughing, not caring if they got odd glances from the other tables.

“Where did that come from?!” Kyoko asked as she wheezed, there were tears forming near the corners of her eyes.

Shinobu’s face was bright red, they were all too loud. “I-I dunno, first thought that came to my mind.”

“Kyoko-san! Shinobu-san! Yuka-san! Esora-san!” They heard someone yell, they turn to see it was Saki, she looked deeply worried about something.

“Oh, Saki-chan~” Esora greeted with a smile, her distraction getting better and better. “What’s wrong? You seem troubled.”

“I am! I can’t find Noa-san or Towa-san…!” She said as she looked around, her eyes scanning the cafeteria. “They promised to meet up for lunch but I can’t find them….”

All of Peaky look at each other, then at Esora, then back at Saki.

“I think I saw them near the restroom, Saki-chan,” Esora suggested with a grin, making the other members of Peaky look at her with a bewildered looks in their eyes.

Saki did not notice, however. “Thank you, Esora-san! I’m sorry for disturbing you all!”

“It’s alright, go find Noa and Towa already!” Esora waved her off with a wider grin.

“Noa’s gonna freak out,” Shinobu said as she quit her game to finish her sandwich.

“Everyone in the bathrooms is gonna freak out,” Esora said with a giggle, she had almost completely forgotten about her dilemma a few seconds ago.

Almost.

“Think Ibuki will be mad, Yuka?” Kyoko asked with a grin, Yuka hummed, which startled Esora’s heart into beating faster.

“Well, it depends, if Noa and Towa went… um, a bit far with their… fun, then I think she’ll be a bit mad? Especially since they’re still in school.” Yuka explained, her cheeks were deep red.

“A bit mad about what?” Ibuki herself asked from behind Yuka, startling everyone at the table.

“Oh! Ibuki-san!” Esora yelled in a higher register, which made them even more suspicious in Ibuki’s eyes.

“You should go to the restroom if you’re wondering where Saki was, that’s where Noa and Towa are I think,” Kyoko suggested, winking at the other three as Ibuki looked toward the bathroom.

“I see, thank you, Kyoko, I'll g–”

“Ibuki-san!” Saki yelled as soon as she ran out of the bathroom, her face was bright red. “Help!!!”

Right behind her was Noa, whose blazer was unbuttoned. “Saki-chan, wait!”

“Yeah! We can explain!” Towa yelled from behind, her skirt was hastily pulled up and her ribbon was wrapped around her wrist.

All of Peaky laughed except for Esora, who was preoccupied with the sight of Yuka’s boisterous laughter paired up with a smile.

It was just a small crush.

Two days passed and the knot in her chest was starting to become unbearable, it was as they said, the more you ignore it, the more painful it got.

Esora could barely hold a conversation with Yuka anymore, which saddened the blonde greatly.

Yuka was not forceful, she never was.

But god was she convincing with her sad puppy eyes.

And she knew that very well.

“Esora?” She asked, she had one hand over her wrist, she couldn’t escape now. Esora sat near the table with her glasses on trying to finish her math assignment while Yuka had a towel over her shoulder after she wiped the sweat off her face. It was just the two of them in the practice room with Kyoko and Shinobu talking about something somewhere around the campus.

“Y-yes, Yuka?” Esora mentally screamed when she heard herself stutter. Oh god just kill her already, a heart attack would be nice.

“Do you like me?” Esora’s heart beat faster at the question, the BPM was rising.

“Of course I like you, you’re one of my dearest friends~” She decided to answer as she wrote down something for her assignment, trying to ignore Yuka.

But, Esora made the grave mistake of glancing in Yuka’s direction, catching a glimpse of those puppy eyes, forcing her to make eye contact.

“You know what I mean.”

She was stuck.

“Um.”

She looked down, her nerves were all over the place, she glanced to the side and noticed that there was no sign of the other two.

“Well….” She looked up again and Yuka’s face was much closer now, her breathing halted. “Um.”

“What?” Yuka whispered and god, was her voice always that pretty?

“Do… are you interested in trying something with me?” Esora had no idea what she was saying, she was spitting whatever came to mind.

“What kind of thing?” Yuka didn’t try to lean closer, she actually did the opposite, letting Esora catch her breath.

She took off her glasses and she had no control over herself anymore. “I need to practice something, and I want it to be with you.”

“Oh? Is it a dance move? I think I can help with that.” Yuka smiled sweetly, making Esora’s heart quicken its pace.

Esora stood up, Yuka wasn’t very tall compared to her, it was only a six-centimeter difference, but she felt small under those blue eyes. “It’s… not a dance move.”

“Oh? What is it? Do you need help with some stamina building? If you do, I can set you up with one!” Yuka suggested again, she tilted her head a bit to the side, making her reminiscent of a cute puppy.

“I…” Esora sighed, walking closer to Yuka. Maybe she did know what she was doing. “Before I say it, if you agree to this… odd request of mine, can you please promise me that you won’t tell anyone? Not even Kyoko and Shinobu can know about this.”

Yuka raised an eyebrow but she nodded anyway, putting all of her trust in Esora.

“There’s this… person I like.” Esora stared at her shoes as she spoke. “And, um, I don’t… I’m not very good at, uh, kissing. So, can– is it alright if I practice with you?”

Esora knew her cheeks were bright red, and she didn’t want Yuka to see them.

What she said was correct, she did have someone she liked and did not know how to kiss, but her? Practicing with Yuka? It was going to kill her.

“Oh! O-oh, um, uh, oh.” Yuka stuttered out, was she embarrassed too? No, it must be wishful thinking speaking. “Uh, why me?”

“Because! If I asked Kyoko or Shinobu, that might set either of them off! You know how they are with each other…” Esora didn’t even think about asking them but she knew that those two would get jealous, she didn’t want Peaky P-key to end before they even became popular around the world, and she knew they wouldn’t show it, but she knew it was going to kill them from the inside that it might make the both of them quit.

“I guess you’re right… but, why not Rei-chan?” Yuka suggested, Esora still didn’t want to look up; it might hurt her.

She decided to laugh it off. “Rei-chan? Yuka… she’s dating all of Happy Around, remember?”

“Huh?”

“Yes.” Esora could never forget it, after all, that would mean that Rinku jumped off a stage, landed on cushions, and then yelled that all of Happy Around was dating each other in one live once for no reason.

“Oh yeah, haha! I remember the... the live, yeah.” Yuka cleared her throat, Esora still didn’t want to look up.

Silence passed and it was making Esora uneasy, Yuka might not want to do it, which was fine. The question was awkward anyway. “It’s alright if you don’t want to do it! It’s okay, I’ll just find another–”

“Well, you’re just practicing, right? No strings will be attached!” Yuka said, shutting Esora’s mouth. “And this guy you like, you must like him a lot if you want to practice! He should be great since he caught the eye of our loveliest member of Peaky!” She laughed it off, making Esora follow after.

No strings.

It made her heart ache.

“And our practice continues!” Kyoko’s voice declared as she slammed the door open, making Esora and Yuka move away from each other.

“What took you two so long?” Yuka asked, a smile on her face as if nothing happened between them. Esora followed, her facial muscles tugging up a perfect smile.

“Kyoko was being a crybaby.” Shinobu answered before Kyoko did, which made the vocalist squeak out a cat-like cry. The DJ’s signature jacket was wrapped around her waist. “She used my jacket as a tissue, so I can't wear it now.”

“Crybaby about what?” Esora grinned as she noticed her unfinished math assignment.

The both of them fell silent, Kyoko looked down, covering her face with her hat while Shinobu was left red-faced.

“Nothing.”

And with that, they continued their practice as usual.

Esora was regretting everything.

She was in Yuka’s room, which was full of photos from different performances and times of day, all were taken carefully, even though Yuka was quick with her composition for each one.

But Esora wasn’t here to see photos.

She was sitting down on her bed with Yuka in front of her, the blonde’s hands were resting on her waist, and her hands were relaxed compared to Esora’s tense back.

“Is this right?” Yuka asked, not noticing their compromising position but the tenseness in Esora’s body.

“Uh, yes.” Esora was bright red, but she tried to ignore it. She was giving in to her stupid desires. Yuka asked her how to start and her idiotic mouth spat out an answer before she thought, the answer was their position now.

“Okay, so… how will this happen when you confess?” Yuka asked, and Esora knew she wasn’t that dense, but god did she wish the VJ was at the moment.

“Um, just testing things, you don’t know what will happen when I confess!” She answered, but Yuka had her brows furrowed.

“Okay….” She looked to the side as her hold on Esora tightened, but it wasn’t enough to hurt her. “So, um, how… how do we do this?”

Ah. Good question, Yuka. Esora thought as her cheeks reddened into a darker shade. “We… I mean, we don’t… we’re not very experienced, right?”

“Yeah… haha.” Yuka’s eyes didn’t meet hers, they were too preoccupied with staring at her bedside table.

“So, I guess a peck will be fine? Are you okay with that?” Esora placed her hands on Yuka’s shoulders, trying to catch her attention.

“Sure!” She smiled, setting Esora’s heart off. “Do it when you’re ready.”

They stayed still for a few moments thanks to Esora’s quickened heartbeat, she hoped Yuka couldn’t hear it.

She had to suck it up.

She breathed in one final breath before she closed her eyes and her lips made contact with something soft. She didn’t try to think about what it was.

Esora moved away and looked to the side, noting how pretty the photos looked, trying not to see Yuka’s expression.

“Oh.” Yuka cleared her throat, her hands slipping off. “So… how was it?”

“I… I think I need some more practice.” Esora gripped Yuka’s shoulders, noting how firm they were. Please kill her now.

“Alright!” The VJ said with a smile.

Embarrassing minutes passed and Esora couldn’t handle giving Yuka pecks on the lips anymore. It was killing her how easy it was for her to be embarrassed. At least she knew her lips were soft and nice to kiss.

“Esora? Are you okay?” Yuka asked that many times during those minutes and Esora’s answer was the same. During those minutes her hands managed to slip back on the dancer’s waist, which didn’t help the shorter girl's heart at all.

“I’m fine~ let’s keep going!” Esora said with a giggle, but in reality, she was wishing she was six feet under.

“I dunno, do you have a fever?” Yuka’s eyebrows were furrowed and her hands didn’t try to move and touch her forehead, but the words still made Esora’s heart beat faster.

“No, I don’t, I think you’re imagining things Yuka!” She laughed it off, hoping that Yuka didn’t take notice of her quickened heartbeat and overheated face.

Yuka’s eyebrows were pressed down, her mouth pulled into a frown of concern. “No no, we’re stopping right now, I’ll go get water for you, just wait.” The blonde’s hands slipped off and Esora missed the feeling of her hands immediately.

“Okay.”

When the door shut, Esora sighed. Yuka was killing her slowly.

She was dense, Esora thought it might be a rude way of saying it, but the blonde was just clueless about almost everything.

Yuka had no strings attached yet Esora was entangled in it.

No strings attached.

Such a phrase.

Esora covered her face with a pillow beside her, and when she breathed in, she smelled a familiar scent.

It was difficult to point out every detail, but she knew the scent was Yuka’s.

She decided to place the pillow to the side after that.

Moments later, maybe minutes, Yuka came back with a glass of cold water.

Esora accepted it gladly, trying and failing not to notice that her fingertips made contact with Yuka’s.

“So, what kind of guy is he?” Yuka asked as she sat down at the foot of her bed, almost choking Esora in the process.

“Wuh?” Esora asked dumbly, her mouth almost dribbling water off her lips.

“What kind of guy is your crush?”

“Oh… oh well, he’s… um… ahaha…” Esora set the glass down, which was half empty. “He’s kind, really sweet, has a soft spot for some cute stuff, and… a bit dense? I guess? Haha.” She had no idea if that sounded good, but that must be enough, right?

Yuka nodded a moment, trying to envision the boy the dancer supposedly had a crush on. “Ah, is that why your confession is so… direct?”

“Yeah… haha.” Also because I want to find out if I like you, Esora thought as Yuka laughed.

“Out of all the guys to fall for, it was someone like him?”

“I know right?” Esora laughed along with Yuka, trying not to point out the guy was based on her. “He likes sports a lot, so I dunno if he even likes me back…”

“I’m sure he would! Who wouldn’t?” Yuka stood up suddenly. “You’re super pretty and hard-working too! I’d be super surprised if no one admired you! So what if he likes sports? His life isn’t supposed to be all about sports!”

The compliments made Esora’s head spin like a turntable, her heart speeding up its tempo. “Oh! Thank you, Yuka…” Esora went to finish the glass of water, making sure not to dribble anything onto herself or Yuka’s bed.

“So… what sports does he play? Does he swim?” Yuka asked once she finished, why was she so curious? Though that must be normal since this supposed “boy” caught Esora’s heart with some kind of charm that she could not see.

“He, uh, plays baseball.” Esora hoped she wouldn’t ask anymore, her knowledge of the sport wasn’t much.

“Oh, I see… I see.” Yuka sat back down, her hands fidgeting around with each other.

Silence passed.

Yuka inhaled, her foot digging into the floor. “So, um, are you done?”

“Done drinking water?” Confused by her words, Esora held up the glass.

Yuka laughed, her smile reached her eyes, making Esora notice the little wrinkles near them. “No, um, practicing.”

“Oh! Oh, yes, I’m done, ahah… sorry.” Esora shoved the glass into the blonde’s hands, Yuka almost dropped it from how quick and sudden she was. “I-I’ll get going now, I’ll see you next week!”

With how quickly she left, she didn’t even let the blonde utter a word.

“See you,” Yuka muttered to no one but herself and an empty glass.

Chapter Text

Yuka exhaled, doing her usual training was tiring, and it wasn’t the good kind. It felt draining rather than relaxing, which was the opposite of what Yuka wanted. Perhaps the unease she felt wasn't something physical.

She was sitting on one of the benches, wiping off the sweat on her body.

Usually, her mind was busy focusing on her training, it was mostly empty because she was too busy to think of anything.

But now it was full of a certain green-haired rich girl.

“Jenny?” She heard someone say as they tapped her shoulder, she turned around to see a familiar gym buddy.

“Dalia-san!” She greeted her with a wave as she sat.

“What’s up? You finished earlier than usual,” Dalia paused for a moment, her intimidating eyes searching every part of Yuka. “Did something happen?”

“Ahah, well, not really…” Her eyes weren’t terrifying to Yuka, not at all, but sometimes it felt as though she were judging every part of her soul.

“You can tell me if you want.”

“Well…”

“Yuka! Dalia-san!” With a turn, they see Ibuki walking toward them. “Nice to see you two!"

Yuka waved at her, letting her sit beside her. "Hey, Ibuki."

She sighed, wiping some sweat off her forehead. "Oh yeah, thank you again for dealing with those two before, Yuka. Really, I mean, it's understandable though, right?”

"Yeah, I mean they were doing that on campus, they could've waited a bit longer!" Yuka sighed, she still remembered Ibuki's yelling, Towa and Noa's half-assed excuses, and poor Saki nibbling at her apple slices as they argue near her and Peaky's table. She also swore she saw Muni videoing the whole ordeal as all of Happy Around watched from afar, even Michiru looked from afar concerned as well as the other students present at the time.

Confused at their conversation, Dalia asked, “What happened?”

The two high schoolers turned to each other and then back at Dalia.

“Nooothing...” They replied in unison, their cheeks dusted with light pink.

Dalia raised an eyebrow. “Alright then.”

“So, uh, Yuka, you finished earlier than usual...” Ibuki noted as Yuka drank her bottle empty, “Again.”

“I’m just taking a break, you know,” Yuka said with a small punch to Ibuki’s shoulder, making her laugh.

“Is there something bugging you? You look uneasy.” Dalia had a frown on her face as she reminded Yuka of what happened a week ago. The young blonde’s face turned beet red. They’d only practiced twice, with the second time being a bit longer and led by her, making Yuka’s heart skip a beat.

“I’ve been practicing… something with Esora.”  Yuka had to be careful with her wording, she knew opening up would be good, but if she opened up too much, the secret might spill out, “For… about two weeks?”

“Is it some dance moves?” Dalia asked.

“Uh, no, not really…”

“Are you training her?” Ibuki asked, there was a glint in her eyes that would’ve made Yuka chuckle if it wasn’t for the growing nerves in her body tensing her up.

“Uh…. technically?”

“What were you training her for? Stamina? Muscle?” Dalia questioned, curious as well. Her eyes softened their gaze.

“Um… it’s complicated.” Yuka slouched, trying to hide her face from both of them, who had one of their eyebrows raised. “It’s… it’s something I don’t have much experience with and Esora does too.”

Her gym buddies seemed to catch Yuka’s unwillingness to add more details.

Opting not to force the young girl, Dalia asked, “But why are you helping her if you don’t know how to do it either?”

“I don’t know… but, she just– it was hard to say no to her, she looked– I mean, she wants to do it for this guy she likes,” Yuka muttered, her fingernails digging into her water bottle.

“A guy she likes?” They said in unison, making Yuka nod.

“Yeah, and I really want to help her out! So, uh, yeah, we’re doing this thing and…” She paused, she was about to say it. “I don’t… I don’t know, I feel lost.”

“Lost? Lost how?” Ibuki asked, intrigued.

“I don’t know, it feels like… something is just… screaming to be let out inside me and I don’t know how to… do it.” Yuka set her empty bottle down, her eyes looked over her hands, those same hands that held the green dancer’s waist.

“You don’t know how to release it, you mean?” Yuka nodded at Dalia’s explanation, making the older girl hum.

“Can’t you talk it out with her?” Ibuki suggested as Dalia thought. “I’m sure Esora will be able to understand.”

“No, I know she will, it’s just…” She sighed. “I don’t know how to bring it up, how do I do that? And-- and this thing we’re doing, it’s a bit hard to explain, and… embarrassing. I’m sure Esora will be too embarrassed to talk about it!”

Dalia patted her back, calming the unease just a bit. “You can’t wait for everything to be laid out for you, you know.”

“And, what is there to be embarrassed about?” Ibuki added, her arms crossed and her back straight; serious advice mode. “You guys are already doing it, so why should talking about it be difficult?”

Yuka looked at both of them, she wanted to tell them desperately, but she couldn’t. She knew Esora had her reasons for telling her to keep it secret, so she will follow up on their promise. She also had her own reasons anyway.

“Because… it’s complicated.” Yuka had no other way to explain it. “I don’t want to embarrass Esora, but… I just don’t know.”

Dalia exhaled, showing her a comforting smile that calmed Yuka's nerves. “Ibuki’s right, you can just talk, I assure you. Esora wouldn’t be embarrassed, I think she would be understanding, but that's just my thoughts on this, you know her more than I do so if she does react in the way you think she will then you have to explain it. I don’t want this to be affecting your health, Jenny.”

“Yeah, it might get worse if you continue stressing over this,” Ibuki sighed and showed the blonde a smile, “I mean, you’re already stopping your training earlier than usual. Don’t make us worry, I know you must have your reasons for not telling us outright, but still, don’t make us worry about it, okay?”

“I…” Yuka couldn’t help but hug them tight, making the other two yelp in surprise. “Thank you so much!”

Dalia was the first to recover from the slight shock, chucking and patting the younger girl’s shoulder. “Looks like it wasn’t so bad after all, just keep your head high, okay?” Yuka nodded in response, which made her head bump into Ibuki’s.

Ibuki sucked in her teeth as a slight pain throbbed in Yuka’s forehead. “Dalia-san’s right, just keep it up and you’ll be okay, promise.”

The blonde pulled them in tighter – which earned another shocked yelp from Ibuki – and the knot in her chest loosened just a few at the thought.

Yuka was glad.

Esora wanted to be buried underground already.

She was going to practice kissing Yuka again today, which made her legs want to run back inside her family car but she knew it was too late, her chauffeur already left a few seconds ago.

Maybe she could run to catch up with it.

She shook that thought off – if only she had the stamina – as she knocked on her door and was met with the blonde’s sweet smile, her cheeks flushed at the sight. They’d only done it twice, but she couldn’t help but stutter over her words ever since, especially since Yuka decided to lead last time because Esora feared to lead, now she feared both leading and Yuka leading. She seemed much more experienced than Esora thought, did she practice? No, that was wishful thinking Esora speaking again.

“Esora! Just in time, come in!” Yuka shuffled to the side, letting Esora into her home with a tight hug. She was still casual. The blonde’s parents weren’t there that day, perhaps they were busy at the gym.

They went upstairs toward Yuka’s room and Esora could feel her legs getting heavier and heavier after each step, but she still trudged on.

They sat down on the bed, with Esora sinking into it, hoping she would drown in it.

"Um..." Yuka fiddled with her hands, they still didn't know how they should start things. "Do you want to lead? Uh, since I led last time so..." She cleared her throat.

"Sure." Esora leaned closer to Yuka, trying to ignore her wishes of disappearing by looking to the side. Her right hand went to rest on her cheek and her left hand went to rest on her waist. Intimate. Esora turned to look at Yuka, her bright blue eyes, her slightly parted lips, and her pink cheeks. She could feel her breath.

She couldn't hold it in anymore.

Esora closed her eyes hoping to hold in her tears still. Should she tell her? Would she accept her? Would she get mad? Does she return the feelings? If only.

Silence passed of nothing happening, unnerving the both of them, the only sound was the clock that ticked the passing seconds.

Yuka shuffled back, forming a distance between them, she missed her warmth. “Esora?” The blonde’s hands were close to hers, but they didn’t touch. "Are you okay?"

Esora opened her eyes and started to speak without thinking again. “I’m being selfish.” What am I saying? Esora asked herself as she continued. “Sorry, I think we shouldn’t do this anymore, Yuka.”

“Huh? Why?” The blonde stood up, her eyes tried staring into those eyes again.

“We shouldn’t continue, we shouldn’t do this.” Esora stood up, her head hung low to avoid Yuka’s gaze. “We might regret this.”

“Why would we?” Yuka rested her hand on Esora’s shoulder.

The shorter girl moved it off, making Yuka retract it. “You… you probably won’t get it.”

“Huh?”

Esora had no idea what she was saying anymore, her mind was just saying whatever came to mind. “I’m going, I can't.”

“Esora, wait.” Yuka held onto her wrist, desperate.

She cannot look up, she must not. If she does, she might let Yuka see the tears that were about to stain her cheeks. “You might hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?” Yuka didn’t close the distance, the only thread was her hand. “I would never hate you, Esora.”

Esora breathed in and rubbed her face, wiping off any tears that were about to fall. She had no idea if she was talking about Yuka or something else. “This might affect our friendship, I don’t want that to happen.”

“But…” Yuka stuttered as her hand fiddled with her shirt and Esora wiped away the tears that dripped down her face. “I…”

Esora looked up at her with an exhausting smile. “I’ll call my chauffeur, I’m sorry for wasting your time, Yuka.”

“B-but…” Yuka stuttered again, sniffling.

“But what?” Esora widened her smile, trying to hide the shakiness in her voice. “There’s nothing else to talk about, haha~”

Yuka swallowed whatever was clogging her throat. “What about the guy you like? I thought– I thought you wanted to practice for him, I-- what happened to kissing him after you confess?”

Esora breathed in a stuttering breath: a dead giveaway. Was Yuka playing with her? Was she truly dense or was she just faking it? “Forget him. He… he doesn’t exist.”

“What?”

Esora decided then to leave, she couldn’t hold in the tears anymore. “Just– just forget this ever happened, I’m sorry.”

Esora didn’t hear Yuka’s answer – maybe she didn’t answer at all – and left the house with nothing stopping her.

She stepped outside and kept walking, the taunting sun was high and bright. She kept walking until she felt it was enough, leaned on a tree, and sat on the dry ground.

Why did she say that? Why did she say all of those things? Those hurtful, terrible things.

Yuka didn’t deserve those words, she didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

She looked over her hands, those disgusting hands that swatted and moved away from Yuka’s. She was mad at herself.

She buried her face into her hands as she exhaled. She was a terrible, selfish person.

Esora wanted to stand up, run back, and explain herself to Yuka properly but she felt that if she did stand, her shaky legs would give up along the way, freezing her in place.

She breathed in, trying to hold in her tears once more. She cleared her throat and breathed in, her eyesight getting more and more watery, she closed them, hoping for it to disappear, she breathed in, but instead of breathing out, she let out a choked cry, letting a single tear drip down her cheek. She hugged her knees, crying into them with the tree as her shade against the tall sun. Doesn’t it rain when those kinds of scenes happen in a manga? She wished there would be a downpour that could cancel school for a week or two, she couldn’t see Yuka eye-to-eye ever.

She frailly, half-heartedly laughed at the thought.

She was in love with Yuka Jennifer Sasago.

She was in love with how passionate her eyes shone whenever she found a photo opportunity, she was in love with the way she smiled whenever she managed to help those in need, she was in love with how proud she looked whenever she managed to reach a goal she set up for herself in her training, and she was in love with how soft she can be.

She said she chose her so that Peaky wouldn’t be broken apart, but this might become the reason that Peaky will be broken apart after all.

“I-I’m so st-stupid.” She muttered weakly, her voice barely there.

“Good that you know.”

She looked up and the smile on her face was hard to keep down. “What are you doing outside, Shinobu?”

“I was gonna do something, but I guess I’m going to stay here with you or whatever.” She sat down, sitting beside the dancer, covering her face with her right hand to protect her eyes from the sunlight. The DJ did not utter any words of comfort, but Esora knew that her staying outside just a bit longer was enough.

Esora couldn’t help but tease her. “What was that something you were gonna do?”

Shinobu huffed, turning away from the smirking girl beside her. “I’m not here for me, I’m here for you, why are you crying?”

Esora looked down, laughing. “It’s nothing, really~”

“Come on, I know it’s not if you’re crying.”

Esora breathed a quick breath, she was always good at reading her. She took a few moments before she answered. "F-first, can I use your jacket?"'

The DJ sighed, taking off her hoodie and handing it to her. "Sure."

Esora took it gladly, then blew her nose into it, Shinobu's only reaction was a sigh.

"So, explain."

Esora handed the hoodie back, making Shinobu fold it to avoid the snot. “I did something stupid.”

Shinobu stayed silent, her eyes widened for a moment, keeping her hoodie under her arm. “Explain.”

Soon the words spilled out like tears falling off her cheeks, from her half-assed way of saving herself from confessing by making up a lie that she liked a guy to her idiotic choices a few minutes ago. Shinobu was silent, listening and taking everything in as Esora stuttered over her words many times. The DJ never tried to make fun of her for it, they had a line they would never cross when it came to their teasing.

“Okay,” Shinobu breathed in, bracing herself for the information that was going to escape her mouth, “you’re telling me that you’ve been secretly making out with Yuka for two weeks because you made up this lie that there’s a guy you like to cover up the fact you had a crush on Yuka which made you realize you were in love with her? “

Esora flushed at how accurately she worded it. “Yeah, but you could’ve said it a little bit less crazy sounding and no I was not “making out” with her, it was just simple kisses.”

Shinobu had her left eyebrow raised but shrugged. “Okay, whatever you say.” She looked up then sighed. “You should talk to her.”

“I don’t want to,” Esora muttered as she buried her face into her knees yet again. “I’m scared, that’s easier said than done.”

“Scared of Yuka? She isn’t scary, you know.”

“I’m scared of how she’ll react.”

“You know Yuka isn’t like that.”

“You know what I mean.”

Shinobu sighed, leaning on the tree bark. “…I guess I can see where you’re coming from with that.”

“See? She isn’t just– Yuka’s not some pretty guy you see once and never again.”

“I know, she’s a friend and you’re scared that if you confess, you might lose that friendship,” Shinobu said with a sigh.

Esora raised an eyebrow, that was too accurate, far too accurate. “And how do you know that?”

The DJ stared at her, her cheeks seemed a bit pink. “Just… guessed.”

The dancer smirked, she wasn’t getting away now. “Guessed? You sure?”

“Mhm.” She averted her eyes away from Esora. She was always terrible at hiding secrets.

“Okay, I’ll guess something then,” Esora’s smirk widened, “are you and Kyoko dating?”

Shinobu, as soon as the words escaped her mouth, sighed. “... yes.”

“I knew it.”

"Yeah yeah whatever, don't tell anyone.” Shinobu shuffled closer just a few, the both of them silent as the winds swept their hair and the sun tried to blind them with its light.

“I don’t know about you, but Yuka being alright with you kissing her is a really big giveaway.”

Esora hummed thinking about it. “What if she was just hiding her discomfort?”

Shinobu’s hand went to massage her forehead. “God is this what Nagi felt like…? How badly did you internalize it?”

“What?”

Shinobu shook her hand. “Nothing, anyway-- you should talk with her. I think. It helped with… me.”

Esora raised an eyebrow. “Where did you get that advice?”

Shinobu looked to the side, her face must be bright red. “… from Nagi.”

“Knew it.” Esora chuckled as she stood up, dusting off the grass and dirt off her clothes, shocked that her legs were able to make her stand. “Fine, I’ll go talk with Yuka.”

Esora held a hand out, helping the shorter girl up, who was grimacing. Before Esora asked, Shinobu spoke. “If you two ever start dating please don’t do whatever the hell Noa and Towa did before.”

Esora smirked. “You and Kyoko too.”

“Oi!” Esora laughed at the red-faced DJ, who had her arms crossed, trying to ignore it. It was a nice kind of distraction, one that helped her deal with her problem. The DJ looked over her phone for a split second before she looked up and said, “I’m gonna go back home, you better talk to her, got it?”

“I know, I know, I’m not going to run away.” Esora smiled as Shinobu walked away and her legs felt as though they were melting into the ground.

All she needed to do was talk about her feelings with Yuka.

It was going to be so so easy.

Yuka heard the door shut and the air in her room was heavy.

She sat down on her bed, staring into her hands.

What the hell just happened?

The pain in her chest was unbearable, she wanted to cry.

And cry she did.

Esora didn’t reject her, but it felt like a rejection. It was a bit dumb to cry over, but Yuka needed an outlet. She didn’t bawl her eyes out, she didn’t scream in despair over the implication that Esora didn’t return those feelings, she just cried because she was confused and frustrated at herself.

Why didn't she say something? Why didn't she stop her? She should've said something, she should've told her. She promised Dalia and Ibuki she would talk yesterday, but all she did was freeze up and stutter like an idiot.

Yuka lay down on her bed with a dull thud, continuing her crying session into it.

Esora didn’t seem to be angry at her, perhaps it must’ve been something that was bugging her that made her say that.

Yuka wanted to know why, she wanted to understand. Esora must be crying out of frustration alone somewhere, which made her chest ache and her frustration dissipate. The dancer wasn’t used to opening up, everyone in Peaky knew, her parents were good but they weren’t perfect, it was understandable.

But Yuka selfishly wished that they didn’t commit such a mistake, she would’ve understood and she wouldn’t be feeling the painful ache in her chest if they just got that one part right.

Though, if they did, they might have never met.

It was an important discrepancy, even if that meant she would’ve understood Esora properly.

She rubbed her face dry of tears, sighing.

“No strings attached.” She repeated weakly, chuckling at it.

Such a phrase.

She said that, yet she was entangled in Esora’s and she knew that it would eventually happen and still she did it anyway.

She stayed there, silent, for a few more moments, the clock in her room ticked as the seconds passed.

Moments later, Yuka looked up at the ceiling.

“I need to find her.” She said to herself again. I don’t want her to be lonely.

She took a deep breath, stood up, stretched, and released a sigh. She walked toward her wall filled with different photos from different parts of her life.

She looked over one in particular, one of the first photos she took with Peaky, Kyoko still tied up her hair, Shinobu still kept her bangs over her forehead, and Esora still wore her glasses. All of them were huddled together tight and had smiles on their faces: their first ever live as a unit.

She smiled at it and the pain in her chest throbbed harder, tears were welling up again.

“I need to find Esora.” She breathed in and wiped away the tears.

She walked down the stairs, about to open the door, until the doorbell rang.

Confused, Yuka thought of who could be visiting. It could be Kyoko, Ibuki, Dalia, Shinobu, Towa… many people now that she thought about it.

All except for one.

She opened the door and saw a glimpse of green. Her brain didn’t register it early enough until it was too late.

“Hey Y-Yuka,” Esora said with a light chuckle, breathing heavily as she stood, confusing Yuka even more. The sun was slowly dipping away.

Yuka had so much to say but only said four words. “Esora? Are you okay?”

The wheezing girl paid the question no mind as she leaned on the door frame exhausted. “Can… Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Yuka shuffled to the side, letting the girl in her home. She hobbled in and tripped, causing Yuka to catch her in her arms.

Yuka had one hand on her shoulder and the other wrapped around her, not minding the position they were in.

She noticed dried tear marks on her cheeks, not caring about their position. “A-are you okay?”

“I… I dunno, am I if– if I ran all the way here, probably didn’t breathe right, and with no breaks?” She smiled slightly, earning a light chuckle from Yuka.

“You… you should’ve paced yourself.” The VJ said with a smile.

“I know…” She breathed in one final time and moved away from Yuka’s arms, the blonde already missing her touch. “I have something to talk to you about.”

“Is it about our… that?” Yuka felt her heart start beating quicker as soon as the words left her mouth. Ah.

Esora exhaled, determination clear in her eyes and voice, how was she so calm about it? “Yes.”

After they closed the door to the house, they walked up back into Yuka’s room, shut the door, and sat down near the foot of the bed. The air was still heavy.

“So….” Esora began but then sighed. “You… you can ask anything you want, I’ll try my best to answer, okay~?”

Yuka nodded, it was hard to choose for there was so much she wanted to ask about but she said her question as though she decided it with ease. “Do you actually like someone?”

Esora hesitated – it was obvious, Yuka was going to ask – but she showed her a smile and said, “I do, it’s just… aha…”

“Just?” Yuka tilted her head to the side. “Just what?”

“Just… complicated.” Esora looked down at her lap, picking at her fingers, nibbling at her lower lip.

“Okay.” Yuka decided not to ask further, opting to ask another question. “Um, were you ever uncomfortable?”

“No, but I was nervous though.” She chuckled lightly. “Still am.”

“Ah, I see.”

They stayed silent for a few moments, Yuka had a few more questions, but she was afraid of asking them.

“What about you?” Esora looked up at her with that familiar faint smile. “Were you uncomfortable, Yuka?”

“No, I never was,” Yuka said simply hoping that if she were honest with Esora then perhaps she would do the same.

“You were just… nervous, like me?” Esora’s fingers danced over her hands, her voice went a note high at ‘nervous’. Yuka nodded in response. “Oh, I see.”

Yuka's nerves calmed, this question was just the third most wanted one to be answered. “I have another question!”

“Go ahead~”

“Was I your first kiss?”

Esora’s mouth hung open for a moment, her cheeks flushing. She looked a bit cute, but – as much as Yuka wanted to – she didn’t say it. “Um, yeah, you are, haha...”

“Oh.”

Dead silence yet again.

Yuka breathed in and then breathed out, this question was the second most wanted to be answered for her. "Did... did you not like it? This... the thing we're doing."

"Uh..." Esora chuckled, but there was a nervousness about how she did it. It took her a few moments to answer which worried Yuka. "No, I don't."

Yuka felt the knot in her chest loosen just a bit, she hid it with a smile. Did she have a chance? “So, uh, Esora,” Yuka cleared her throat, she had to control her excitement, “I have one more question, my final one.”

“What is it?” Esora added a small chuckle at the end, her cheeks still flushed.

“Do…” Yuka breathed out, then breathed in. “Do you like me? I mean, I know you like me, but what I mean is that you want to go on dates, talk late at night over the phone, and those… other stuff that couples do…” Her cheeks became pinker and pinker the more she spoke, making Esora chuckle softly.

The shorter girl shuffled closer and her hands made contact with Yuka’s. Yuka’s heart was beating faster and louder.

She looked at her, swimming in those blue eyes, and leaned closer. Yuka’s eyes darted to the left, staring at her photos.

She whispered something inaudible over Yuka’s loud heartbeat and leaned back, giving the VJ space to breathe and take in what she just said, which she did not.

Yuka blinked twice, trying to catch up with her breath. “Wh-wuh?”

Esora repeated her words with a smile.

Yuka blinked twice again, her heart still beating loud, she said, out of breath, “Whah?”

Esora sighed. She seemed to be thinking for a moment, but Yuka was too busy calming her heartbeat to dwell on it; she might faint if she didn't.

Esora seemed to reach a conclusion with her thoughts, she smirked, leaning in to whisper something in Yuka’s ear, sending a shiver down her spine and her heartbeat managed to speed up a little bit more at her words, even if it was just four, simple words.

“Can I kiss you?”

Yuka could not speak even though she wanted to, her brain was too busy trying to make sure it got enough oxygen to be conscious so she nodded in response. How she hasn’t gotten a heart attack yet was unknown to her.

Esora closed her eyes so Yuka followed. She felt one of the dancer’s hands rest around her waist while the other one held her cheek.

She truly hoped she wouldn’t faint now.

There was a pause before she felt a familiar softness touch her lips, making Yuka sigh with bliss. Yuka’s hands rested on Esora’s waist, a familiar decision that didn't make them pause, and couldn’t help but smile at it all.

She was in love with Esora Shimizu.

She was in love with her little snarky remarks, she was in love with how much she cared for others, she was in love with how much effort she put into setting the stages for their performances, and she was in love with how easy it was to talk to her.

Their tangled strings were finally loose.

Esora moved back after a few more moments, confusing Yuka, who was out of breath and resting her cheek on her hand. At least she could faint now.

“Huh?” Yuka tilted her head to the side, making Esora chuckle again, who looked a bit fuzzy. Oh god was she actually about to faint?

”You were enjoying that a lot, huh?” Esora said as she rubbed her cheek with her right thumb. Ah, it was her left hand that was on her waist.

“I guess I was... haha.” Yuka closed her eyes again, her heart was calming down now, but she still couldn't speak much.

Esora wrapped her arm around the taller girl's waist, moving the both of them closer just a bit. Yuka looked at her confused, but the smile on Esora's face never wavered. Yuka wrapped both of her arms around the girl in front of her, testing the waters, and Esora didn't seem uncomfortable.

Yuka wanted to test the waters again, so she brought them closer and nuzzled into the crook of the shorter girl's neck, making her yelp in surprise. Yuka was about to move her head back, not wanting to make Esora uncomfortable, but she placed a hand over her head, not wanting her to leave.

After a brief pause, Esora gave her a kiss on the head as Yuka rested her head on Esora's shoulder, she was hesitant with it, but she still managed, making Yuka smile.

Yuka moved her head back close to Esora’s ear still with a smile as the light sounds of raindrops hit her window.

“I love you too.” She whispered back.

Esora groaned, glaring at the two empty seats in front of her and Yuka. She was poking at her lunch with her fork of how bored she was, it had only been a few minutes, but those two were later than usual. Perhaps the rain today was stopping them but she doubt that, she knew they were already inside the campus.

Yuka was scrolling through her phone, her other hand resting on Esora’s while the green-haired girl was busy searching the cafeteria of Kyoko and Shinobu. They hadn’t told them that they were dating for two days and don’t plan on saying it yet, but Esora knew one day they will tell those two.

Speaking of those two, Esora and Yuka didn’t need to be told that they were dating, it was too obvious. Their dynamic changed drastically and some gossip started to spread around because of it, which led to the both of them denying it heavily even if it was true; They weren’t ready yet either.

“You think they’re in a stall like what Noa and Towa did before?” Yuka said before she set her phone down and went to take a bite of her sandwich, making Esora snort.

“Yuka!” She sounded offended but the grin on her face said otherwise. She looked around, just in case those two would magically appear out of nowhere.

“It could be true! You don’t know!” Yuka swallowed the piece of her sandwich before speaking any further, letting Esora look at her now girlfriend bewildered. “Schrodinger’s Kyoko and Shinobu, you don’t know if they’re doing it or not!” She took another bite right after, satisfied with her explanation.

“I swear if they are…” Esora groaned, if they were, then she hoped that they wouldn’t get caught, it would make everything worse especially with Shinobu involved. She was already defensive when she and Kyoko weren’t together, but now that they are? Her reaction must be a hundred times worse or more than the usual reaction.

She felt something gently squeeze her hand. Yuka's. “Then let’s just hope it isn’t true.”

Esora sighed, interlocking their fingers together, smiling at her. Her worries disipated just a few.

As soon as she said that though, she noticed their two missing members walking toward them with their food; Shinobu had her usual sandwiches while Kyoko had one big burger in her hand, nothing was different.

Except for the fact that their pinkies were interlocked.

"Sorry we're late, my burger got kinda delayed..." Kyoko said with a chuckle as they sat down together, noting their pinkies stopped intertwining after.

"No, no, it's alright~," Esora said with a chuckle before glancing at Shinobu, who didn't turn bright red as soon as she spoke. "Better than you guys getting hungry!"

It was better than Saki running toward them with a red face distressedly screaming Kyoko and Shinobu's names.