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If you weren't born with it
You can buy a couple ornaments
Just be sure to read the warning, kids
Cause pretty soon you'll be bored of it
Josh remembers when he was 15, he looked at the mirror through red rimmed eyes, tears streaking and smearing the makeup he’d managed to steal from his sister. he wiped the black mascara lines from his cheeks and took a deep breath, cocking his head as he examined the reflection.
he looked...pretty.
pretty.
Sexual, hey girl if you wanna feel sexual
You can always call up a professional
They stick pins in you like a vegetable
josh remembers when he was 23, he’d finally got the courage to go out in his favourite outfit, finally ready to show everyone his other side.
“what’s a pretty girl like you doing alone here?” a voice came from beside him, shouting over the loud music blaring through the club. josh pushed the hair out of his face with his manicured nails before turning to see the source of the voice, flashing him a soft smile.
“pretty?” josh bit his lip, the man let out a low chuckle, shifting a tad closer to him as he leant on the bar.
“very pretty, actually.” he grinned, “can i buy you a drink?”
“you don’t have to do that.” josh smiled, tugging the hem of his short black dress down a little, he always hated his legs.
“my treat.” the man cut off his thoughts, waving him off as he turned to the bartender to order them their drinks.
“pretty.” josh repeated under his breath, smiling shyly once again as the man flashed him another grin.
Kids forever, kids forever
Baby soft skin turns into leather
Don't be dramatic it's only some plastic
No one will love you if you're unattractive
“fuck, yeah, holy shit.” josh moaned out and hooked his leg around the mans waist as he planted bites down josh’s neck. his hands were gripping josh’s thighs tightly, pinning him to the wall. josh felt panic rise in him as suddenly a hand snaked under the hem of his dress, he pushed the man away roughly, pulling the hem back down in worry. the man looked at him in confusion.
“did i hurt you?”
“no! no- it’s just...uh, i can’t..” josh fumbled for words, he never could figure out how to tell one night stands that he had something hidden underneath all the pretty clothes, they usually found out and ran, but not before hurling abuse at him first.
“are you a virgin or something?” the man snorted, running a hand through his hair. josh snapped his head up to look at him, his face contorted in a mixture of offence and sadness.
“...no.” he said quietly, pulling his dress strap back up over his shoulder, shuffling awkwardly on the spot, his black heels tapping against the polished wooden floor. the man took a step forward, placing his hands on josh’s hips once again.
“then what’s the problem?” he leaned in and placed a soft kisses down josh’s neck to his shoulder, josh let his head fall back against the wall as he looked up to the ceiling, holding his breath as the man snaked a hand under his dress again. he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt fingers toy with the waistband of his panties, then slip inside them.
“...what the…” the man stilled, josh’s face flushed red and he fought back tears as the man pulled away, looking at josh in horror.
“you’re...what…” the man’s face turned to confusion, almost disgust. josh pulled the hem of his dress down again, looking at the floor as he tried to hide the tears rimming his eyes.
“i told you i couldn’t.” he whispered, the man’s jaw dropped, then suddenly his face turned to one of anger.
“you fucking tricked me.” he clenched his fists, josh snapped his head back up, backing further into the wall in fear.
“n-no...i didn’t..” he cowered, the man took another step forward.
“i’m not a fucking faggot.” the man snarled, his jaw clenched. josh was shaking now, he wiped the streaks of makeup from his cheeks.
“is this how you get guys?” the man suddenly grabbed josh by the hair and pushed him to the floor, josh let out a yelp of suprise, scrambling back until his back hit another wall, bringing his knees up to his chest.
“..i-i don’t-”
“by pretending to be a fucking girl?” the man cut him off, josh looked up at him with wide eyes, his hands shaking.
“i’m n-not pretending…” he explained, the man stopped in his tracks, eyebrows furrowing in both confusion and anger.
“girls have cunts.” the man spat, josh felt a sick feeling twist in his stomach, he stood up and looked at the man in anger, blinking the tears out of his eyes.
“i don’t need a fucking ‘cunt’ to be a girl.” he retaliated, the man flung his head back in laughter, walking over to grab his jacket from where it was strewn over the couch.
“whatever helps you sleep at night, fucking freak.” he muttered under his breath, and with that he left, slamming the door hard behind him. josh slid down the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest as he started to sob, his shoulders shaking violently as tears streamed down his face.
Oh Mrs. Potato Head, tell me, is it true that pain is beauty?
Does a new face come with a warranty?
Will a pretty face make it better?
josh remembers when he was 16, he was sitting on his friends bed, legs crossed as he nervously played with the laces of his sneakers, trying to explain to his friend what he’d realised.
“bigender?” brendon cocked his head, josh nodded softly, not daring to meet his gaze.
“bigender.” he repeated softly.
“so is it like...so, you’re trans?”
“no, well...technically...” josh started, “it means basically, sometimes i’m a guy, but sometimes i’m a girl.” he finally tore his eyes away from the bed and looked up, letting out a shaky breath as brendon stared at him.
“oh.” brendon nodded, suddenly he smiled brightly, “cool!”
josh went wide eyed, “that’s it?” he said in confusion as brendon went back to playing his videogame, brendon huffed out a laugh, keeping his gaze on the tv.
“dude i don’t give a shit, whatever you wanna be you can be.”
josh felt relief wash over him, he broke out in a soft smile. brendon turned to look at him, a teasing grin on his face.
“plus, you’d make a damn pretty girl.”
Oh Mr. Potato Head, tell me, how did you afford her surgery?
Do you swear you'll stay forever?
Even if her face don't stay together
the one thing josh couldn’t remember, however.
was the last time he was actually happy.
that was, until...
“i’m tyler.” the man introduced himself, brendon flashed a grin at josh as he caught sight of the blush tinging his cheeks, nudging him in the side subtly.
“i’m uh-josh.”
“josh.” tyler repeated, smiling brightly at him.
“i’ll let you two get acquainted.” brendon chimed in, and with that he was disappearing into the crowd. the music blaring through the club made josh feel a weird sense of deja-vu, one that he didn’t like at all.
“so, uh...can I buy you a drink?” tyler leaned in so josh could hear him over the music, josh nodded softly with a shy smile.
he’d decided to be josh for tonight, to prevent any bruises or mental scars when the night ended.
If you want a little more confidence
Potatoes turn to french fries, yeah it's common sense
All you need's a couple more condiments
And a hundred thousand dollars for some compliments
It's such a waste
When little girls grow into their mother's face
But little girls are learning how to cut and paste
And pucker up their lips until they suffocate
josh remembers the morning after him and tyler met, he’d gone out, leaving a note for him, hoping he’d been gone by the time he got back, he never did like the small talk after a one night stand.
josh walked through the door excitedly, he’d been out shopping, specifically for some new clothes and makeup. he kicked the door shut behind him and walking into his bedroom, suddenly stopping in his tracks.
“oh-uh, hi.” tyler was in the middle of pulling his clothes on, his eyes flickering to the bags in josh's hand momentarily.
"hi." josh said quietly, looking down at the floor awkwardly.
"i was just um, leaving." tyler gestured to the door, josh looked up at him, he looked hurt.
"you don't have to."
"what's in the bag?" tyler changed the subject with a smile, josh pulled the bags in close to him, trying to hide the makeup store brands scrawled across them.
"oh uh- just stuff." he shook his head, walking over to his drawer and shoving them in. he turned to see tyler looked at him in curiosity, his eyes narrowed.
“what?” josh said defensively.
“are you wearing...lipstick?” tyler said slowly, josh stilled, remembering he’d put some on before he left, it was natural in colour but of fucking course someone still noticed.
“um-fuck.” josh ducked his head, hand covering his mouth. he took a deep breath, this was it, this was when the name calling and punches started being thrown. this was when he would be thrown onto the floor and yelled at for being a ‘freak’ or punched in the face while being lectured on how girls don’t have dicks.
but none of that happened.
he looked up to see tyler right in front of him now, eyes dark but not in the bad way, they glanced down to josh’s lips for a split second before meeting his eyes once again.
“wha-” josh started but was cut off by tyler curling a hand around the back of his neck and pulling him in for a heated kiss, josh let out a squeak of surprise but quickly grabbed tyler’s hips. they shuffled back until the back of tyler’s knees hit the bed, he sat down and pulled josh onto his lap, pulling away for a minute to look at the person in front of him.
“holy fuck.” josh panted out, bringing his thumb up to wipe away the smeared lipstick around his mouth with a giggle. tyler brushed the curls that had fallen over josh’s forehead away with a smile, planting another peck to his lips.
“you look beautiful.” he hushed his voice, josh couldn’t help the blush that rose on his cheeks.
he’d never been called that before.
he liked that.
Oh Mrs. Potato Head tell me, is it true that pain is beauty?
Does a new face come with a warranty?
Will a pretty face make it better?
Oh Mr. Potato Head tell me
How did you afford her surgery?
Do you swear you'll stay forever
Even if her face don't stay together
josh remembers hiding his clothes from tyler for months, he was fine with makeup sure, but how would he react if he found all the dresses, skirts and heels?
“i bought you something.” tyler smiled as he shut the door behind him, josh cocked his head, looking at him curiously from where he was sitting on the couch. tyler walked over and set the bag on the coffee table before sitting down beside josh, josh’s eyes went wide and he felt his face heat up as tyler reached into the bag and pulled out a dress.
“...oh.” josh spoke quietly, a tone to his voice tyler recognised.
“well i saw the clothes in your wardrobe and figured i’d buy you more.” he smiled, josh snapped his head up to look at him, face flushing red.
“you saw the clothes in my wardrobe? the-”
“dresses and skirts? yeah, why...was i not supposed to?” tyler tilted his head in confusion.
josh simply smiled, suddenly pulling tyler in for a soft kiss.
it turns out tyler would react fine to josh’s other side.
tyler was fine with all of it.
as was josh.