Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Steve Harrington was not very smart, or at least that’s what everyone else said, anyway. His so-called friends, his teachers and even his own father believed him to be this way. Never amounting to anything, destined to become just another employee at the family’s real estate firm. He couldn’t get into any colleges, couldn’t get his thoughts out on paper. The belief that he would amount to nothing eventually festered deeply enough in Steve’s mind that he decided to prove them all wrong, he wasn’t a failure. He was Steve Harrington, he could do anything he wanted, be anything he wanted. So, he decided to try again. In the fall of 1988, Steve Harrington was enrolled in college.

Much to his best friend Robin’s dismay, Steve was setting off for College of Indiana on a campus just outside of Indianapolis. Robin wasn’t like Steve, she didn’t have the money or means to drop everything and leave, so she stayed. Logging VHS tapes and tending to customers alone at Family Video, she used her short breaks to call him from the phone sitting idly on the returns desk. They’d call at least once a day while Steve was attending college, sometimes more than that if the two of them were feeling clingy. When she’d get home, Robin would beg her mother to use the phone for more than ten minutes at a time. They assumed she had a boyfriend, but they couldn’t be more wrong. She had a best friend who she missed more than anything who she couldn’t reach, only able to contact through short phone calls. Robin was never going to let him live abandoning her down, and Steve knew that from all of the comments he listened to during their time together. She was glad he was pursuing something new, but not for the reasons and motivations he had to do so. She missed him, and he felt the same.

The first semester wasn’t too bad. Confusing, but not impossible to understand. He ended up pulling a few strings and getting a recommendation letter from one of his father’s friends at the firm, making up random qualities about him that would guarantee his success, especially with the high acceptance rate. Steve and his mother rarely spoke before college, and his father chose to speak in bank statements as soon as he left. $600 per month and a paid tuition was the settled agreement since Steve chose to go by himself, not having to be taught a lesson this time; because of his father’s status and way with words, he got his son a one-person dormitory, and that was the end of their communication during the start of the school year. It was barely enough to get by, but Steve knew being broke was better than being on the streets. He was glad to be accommodated, but he still felt so empty, desperate and alone. It should feel like you’re on the top of the world when you’re finally away from the hellscape otherwise known as Hawkins, Indiana, but the seclusion and desperation only made him feel worse.

Wake up, work out and stretch, attend classes, grab some processed slop from the dining hall, go back home to study, go out if you have time, snack on something in bed, call Robin, go to sleep.

That was the average day for Steve Harrington in college. His major was a lot more complicated than he originally believed it to be. He thought he’d just be learning about medicines and methods to treat athlete injuries, but there was an entire world he had no idea about. He had to study and make notes of the entire musculoskeletal system, medicines and their chemical breakdowns. It was like he was in high school again, stressing over a test he didn’t study for. He lost some time with Robin to study, which was unfortunate for the two of them, but he didn’t want to fail and seem like an even bigger disappointment. He continued to attend classes and try his best on assignments, and then, there was Spring Break.

It only lasted a week and a half, but he was more than excited to see Robin. His parents didn’t bother asking when the break was, or asking anything at all for that matter, so it wasn’t a topic of conversation. They continued going about their everyday lives thinking their son was still studying in college, but in reality, he was in town. He visited old friends who had since grown into the age he was when they first met. Between the time spent with Robin, Steve talked to Dustin, Lucas, Max and all of the other kids who knew he was back in Hawkins.

They shared laughs and updated each other on what life was like in the months he had been gone. Dustin had grown a faint mustache on his upper lip, Lucas was offered an athletic scholarship that he’d follow up on when he graduated Hawkins High and Max was sporting a new, shiny wheelchair that she and Lucas had saved up for individually. He caught up with the others eventually, and he was so glad to see they were doing well. As happy as he was for all of them, it made his heart hurt to know that everyone was still leading wonderful lives without him in the picture.

For the rest of the break, he and Robin spent every day together and he eventually drove her home when the sun went down. He’d annoy her by asking her questions about what she had been up to in his months-long absence, to which she responded with,

“Steve, we called every day you were at college. You either have a memory problem or don’t listen to me if you don’t know what I did while you were gone.”

“Hey, I listen! I was just making a joke.” He said.

“Sure you were. If you are truly wondering, I spent a lot of time working and missing you.”

“No updates on your love life still?”

“Sure, no… maybe. You? Any cute people?”

“Vague, but okay— and no. I’m just as clueless as you.”

“I am not clueless, just painfully socially awkward… and maybe there’s a girl, but I’ll tell you about her later.” She said.

Steve didn’t bother prying after that, he was too exhausted from poor sleeping arrangements and the stress constantly taking up his mind because of college.

“So, you’re seriously not gonna see your parents before you leave me… again?”

”Oh stop, Rob. I’ll come see you again soon! At least you actually like having me around, if I visit my parents, I’m sure they won’t have anything nice to say.”

“I know the feeling, but, that sucks like… majorly. I mean, I just couldn’t imagine the feeling of rejection and disappointment if my own parents weren’t even slightly enjoying seeing me after I was gone— sorry, not helping.”

“Harsh… but you’re right. I’m sure they’d just find something to pick on me for if I went to visit them.”

”I’m sorry, Steve.”

”Don’t worry about it.”

On the final day of Spring Break, Robin decided to take Steve to a drive-in theater to watch the movie they had talked about the most when it came out years ago. He had to drive, of course, but he had no idea where they were going until they arrived. There, on the large screen surrounded by tens of cars, was Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

“Fast Times, really? Didn’t that come out like… five years ago?”

”Six, and just because something is old doesn’t mean it’s bad. Animal House is still one of your favorite movies.”

”That’s a classic, though!”

“And Phoebe Cates’ boobies aren’t?”

“Hey, you were the one who told me to stop saying boobies.”

“Whatever, I take it back! Boobies!”

“Boobies.”

By the end of the night, Steve was gone. With a final tight hug and a promise to see her again as soon as possible, Steve looked at the dim road in front of him. He had a nearly two-hour long drive back to campus, and he didn’t feel like going to bed extremely late. The college allowed students to return the night of the final day of break as an alternative for those who traveled and would have to drive back in the early hours. As much as he didn’t want to leave Robin and everyone else behind, he had things to do and classes to attend the following day. Life was hard with so much responsibility, but he felt he had to continue on this path in order to prove a point to both himself, his father and the world. He was Steve Harrington, and he was not going to let anyone think he wasn’t smart.

He eventually made it to his dormitory and took off nearly everything he was wearing before hopping into bed. The clock read 11:54PM, and he sighed. He had a long day ahead of him, and he already felt his eyes begin to droop. As the desire to sleep took over his body, Steve thought of only one thing.

I am Steve Harrington, and I am going to graduate college… eventually.

Chapter Text

A few months had passed since Spring Break, and Steve’s first year of college was coming to a close. It had been a few weeks since he went back to Hawkins to attend a New Year’s party hosted by one of the graduates of Hawkins High, welcoming 1989. After all of the reconnecting and talking, was more than excited to see his not-to-comfortable dorm bed after all of the partying and irresponsible drinking he did. He was exhausted in all forms and was excited for the final weeks of the second semester. He had been studying for so hard and so long that his brain hurt, but he wanted to make sure he was actually making an effort. He made sure all of his professors knew he was studying their subjects. He drew, to the best of his abilities, the human body and all the things he needed to remember in a notebook he had bought with the last few measly dollars in his bank account.

Due to poor budgeting on the college’s behalf, the prices of living in the dormitory went up. This meant Steve had less than the already small amount that he started with, and he was desperate. He was far too overwhelmed to get a job in town, but he would be completely empty-handed financially if he didn’t do something about it. He nearly ripped his hair out over the stress, but he didn’t want to ruin his best feature, so he opted to make a cup of tea to calm down instead. After boiling the hot water and mixing in the teabag, Steve sat on a dollar store-quality chair and looked out the window of the dorm. He was on a high floor, and so every person walking around and rushing to their classes and other duties looked like ants. The bright cars on the road sprinkled with rain from the storm that occurred hours prior seemed like toys. It was mundane and typical to see such activities and people going by on a day like this, but the consistency made Steve smile. It was the one sense of control and security he had in the midst of all of the chaos surrounding him, he was grateful for the little things.

At around noon that day, Steve had his first class. The topic of the day was physiotherapy and, as much as he tried to pay attention, he couldn’t be bothered— his mind was elsewhere. On his way to the lecture hall, Steve passed the large bulletin board that students and faculty pinned their messages on. Whether it was notifying people about upcoming events or jobs, maybe even a party in a certain wing, something was always there. He wasn’t sure why he decided to stop and take a look on this day in particular, but he did. He firmly gripped the bag hanging off his shoulder as he analyzed all of the colorful notes pinned to the large cork board. ‘Looking for volunteer work? Come visit 5116 Meridian Ave and interview to be a farmhand!”. Below the advertisement was fringes of paper with the same number, Steve didn’t think he wanted to work in a literal pigsty without pay, so he looked at the other posters on the board.

Party invitations, tutoring session prices and something Steve didn’t quite expect. On a pink post-it note in small, scratchy writing, a message that would change Steve’s life was written. Leaning in close to see what it said, Steve’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Looking for a model to use as reference for a final still life project, $15/week if you take the job. If you’re interested, visit room 140-B in the west wing on Friday, May 11th, 1989 (Just in case you forgot what year it was).”

Sarcastic artist, huh? Steve thought. It wasn’t signed with a name or anything else that may have indicated an identity behind the note, which left him feeling slightly uneasy. Maybe they forgot? There was no way he could know unless he found out for himself, but was he really that desperate for money? …Yes, yes he was. Ripping the note off of the bulletin board, Steve scrunched it in his hand and placed the small advertisement in his pocket and walked to class.

Listening to an old woman lecture a group of one hundred-something students about how and how not to properly stretch a muscle wasn’t exactly Steve’s idea of an enjoyable afternoon, but he had to attend in order to get the necessary information that would definitely be used on exams. Thankfully, after this, he didn’t have any classes for a few hours, the last two were after the sun went down. Though he tried his best to stay focused, Steve let his mind drift away and think about the person who wrote the pink post-it note.

Who could it be? Did they have no friends, is that why they asked? Were they a girl, a guy, something else? Maybe I could score a date with them… woah, Steve… too much. You look desperate.

The voice of the professor echoed through the lecture hall as she spoke, knowing more people than just Steve weren’t listening to her words. The lecture was almost over, so she spoke in a louder manner, bringing his and all of the other exhausted students’ attention back to her for a moment.

“So, as we have learned, physiotherapy is a drug-free treatment option. It may seem like nothing to stretch a few joints or muscles, but it pays off to do so. Does anyone remember who the pioneers of physiotherapy were? We addressed this last lecture.” She spoke proudly, looking across the sea of students to find someone with their hand up.

Steve purposefully didn’t put his hand up. Not only did he not know who the pioneers of physiotherapy were, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk and have a deep conversation. No matter how hard he tried to focus on her words, his mind kept drifting back to that pink post-it note. The mystery it entailed, the question of who was behind the note. What pencil they used, how much thought went into the pricing per week for the model, who were they? It seemed ridiculous to be obsessing so hard over someone he probably wouldn’t connect with, but there wasn’t anything he could do until he met the anonymous artist in just under half an hour— if he considered the time it’d take to get to the east wing.

The voices of students beside him and the professor continued to go in one ear and out the other for the next few minutes until the lecture was over. Students packed their bags and pens, some walking to their next classes, others going back to their dormitories or apartments, some maybe even going to work. Steve didn’t know, and without sounding rude, frankly didn’t care that much. He had only one thing on his mind, the person who requested a model for their art project.

Packing up his own things and rubbing the exhaustion out of his eyes, Steve threw his bag over his shoulder once again and walked down the steps of the lecture hall, preparing to meet the one who had been on his mind for the past hour.

Chapter Text

Steve wasn’t sure if he was supposed to bring anything to the meeting with the anonymous artist. He wasn’t sure what it would entail at all, actually. He had never done any work like the one he was about to interview for, Robin was usually the one to help him secure jobs he wasn’t using his self-proclaimed “charm” on hiring authorities. Even then, he’d need some moral support from her.

Walking through the west wing of the dormitory, Steve looked at all of the doors and squinted, trying to find which one had the number 140-B. It was so crowded in college in general, but the way the dormitories were set up made him feel like every student was just a sardine being packaged away from everyone else. A carbon copy of the last. All of the doors and walls and carpet patterns were the same with every step, the only thing changing was the number on the door. 132-B, 134-B, 138-B, 140-B. Steve’s feet stopped in front of the door with a smile on his face. After all this thinking and wondering, he was finally about to have his questions answered.

He went to raise his fist and knock on the door, but for reasons he couldn’t explain, he couldn’t knock. There wasn’t a moment of acknowledgment in his mind that that’s what he was supposed to do, he froze rather than acted. Steve Harrington, even with his fighting spirit and nearly unbelievable resilience, couldn’t complete a task as simple as knocking on a door— at least not without thinking. It took him a few seconds and a deep breath to wash away the unfamiliar feeling rushing through him before he knocked on the door. One, two, three knocks and a couple moments later, somebody answered.

This somebody was a familiar, yet distant face. One he hadn’t seen in years, somebody he thought of some nights and wondered whatever happened to him. Behind the door was Eddie Munson. The man he spent a week with three years ago, hiding him away from Jason Carver and the hundreds of other Hawkins residents who wanted him dead, all for being suspected of a crime he didn’t commit.

After everything with the Upside Down and being cleared as a suspect, Eddie left Hawkins without a trace, taking his uncle, Wayne, along with him. Everyone who helped him recover after the demobat attack knew that he was innocent, and there was no doubt in their minds that he’d have to leave eventually, it was just sooner than expected. His trailer was completely destroyed and nobody would keep him hidden away for the rest of his life, that wasn’t fair to him or Wayne. Though he fled Hawkins immediately after recovering, Eddie kept up with his band mates and some close friends, but briefly. It wasn’t the same anymore, it was hard to be playful and fun when you had so many secrets to hold, so much trauma and so little time to unpack it. He felt guilty about leaving so suddenly, but the majority of people in Hawkins didn’t believe the “not guilty” verdict and would want him dead no matter what. It was for his safety, even if that meant packing up his life and salting the earth behind him.

Steve looked into the deep, brown eyes that looked right back. They were wider than usual, just as shocked to see him. What were the odds of this pair reuniting? Slim to none, yet here they were, standing in front of each other three years later with shocked expressions.

“…Harrington? What the hell are you doing here?” Eddie said in a sharp whisper.

“What am I doing here? What the hell are you doing in college?”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? Get in here man, is someone watching you?”

“Watching me? What are you talking about, dude?” Steve said frustratedly, though still following Eddie’s orders as he walked inside his dormitory.

As soon as Steve entered the small, cluttered living space, Eddie nearly slammed the door shut and promptly locked it. Steve gulped nervously as he watched Eddie’s eyes glisten with fear, what had he gotten himself into? Did the anonymous artist write down the wrong dormitory on purpose? Steve could actually focus on Eddie now as he anticipated his next move, and he was shocked by how little he had changed in the years since they last spoke. Even looking at himself, he was the same person, but a different version. He had gained a few pounds and grown his hair out slightly, changed up his style to prioritize comfort among other things. He still looked like Steve Harrington, just a diversion from the original idea of himself. Eddie, however… Eddie looked just the same as he did the day he went on the run in 1986. The only difference was longer hair from what Steve could remember, a light, wispy mustache on his top lip and wiry scars scattered around his neck and arms. He was still the same person, at least physically, all these years later.

Steve’s train of thought over Eddie’s appearance was short-lived by the latter pacing back and forth with his arms crossed. He seemed to be whispering to himself, but Steve couldn’t make out the words.

“Eddie, are you… are you okay?”

“No, I’m not fuckin’ okay! How did you get here? How do you know where I live?”

“Calm down, man! I found this earlier, I’m not hunting you.”

Steve pulled the pink and infinitely crumpled post-it note from his pocket and flattened it out to the best of his abilities. Eddie didn’t need to know what it said to recognize the brightly colored note that lay between Steve’s fingers. In an instant, his jittery and anxious attitude came to a halt. His breathing was still shaky, but he was calming down at the revelation.

The dormitory was compact to say the least. The room itself was in the shape of a square with a small cutout near a large, also square, window. The blinds were mostly covered, leaving only a small crack for natural light to shine through. There was a small, standard, white fridge sitting against the wall, though Steve assumed there wouldn’t be much in it. On one side of the dorm, there was a large bed covered in pink duvet with a daisy pattern, miniature lights dangling above it from the ceiling. Steve didn’t pay attention to the other details considering he definitely knew that wasn’t Eddie’s side of the room. He knew that not only because Eddie went to sit on the edge of the opposite bed with his head in his hands, but the half of the room he was standing in was covered, top to bottom, with posters. There were some bands he didn’t know, some he recognized from the jacket he wore, lended to him by Eddie.

“Can I come sit next to you or do you still think I’m gonna do some weird government shit to you?” Steve asked, cracking a joke in an attempt to make him feel better.

“Very funny, Harrington.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Sitting down beside Eddie, Steve looked beside him to see shaking hands. He didn’t know why Eddie was so fearful, but he wasn’t one to judge. The two sat in silence for a few minutes as Eddie calmed down, collecting his thoughts. Steve’s eyes trailed through all of the messy details of the dorm, realizing just how much he never changed.

“So… you saw my note?”

“Well, obviously. I have it in my pocket.”

“Right, right. Sorry, not thinking straight.”

“I’d say, what’s gotten into you since you left, man?”

“I can explain while I get everything set up. You want to be my model, right?”

“Yeah, I do. It’s kind of embarrassing, but… I’m running really low on cash.”

“A Harrington? Broke? Shit, never thought I’d live to see the day.”

“Hey, watch it. It wasn’t exactly my choice, my dad’s just being a dick.”

“Alright, sorry. Touchy subject, let’s talk about something else.”

Getting up from the stiff bed, Eddie turned a corner Steve hadn’t noticed. It was only a few feet deep and when he exited the space, he had a large easel that sported an even larger sketch pad. On the bottom canvas holder sat an array of paintbrushes, ink pens and pencils. He sat it down on the floor in front of the bed, glancing at Steve every few seconds, still feeling a bit of unease about his presence. Of course Steve Harrington is the one who decided to take the job.

Watching Eddie get set up, dragging a janky stool from the corner with a bar logo on the vinyl covering, Steve cocked a brow.

“So… how does this work exactly?”

“Oh, y’know, just like any other old job. You sit there and look pretty, I draw you, you get paid. You can do that, can'tcha?”

“Uh… yeah, I guess I can.”

“Cool. Fifteen bucks a week, as promised.”

Silence filled the air for the next few minutes while Eddie got everything set up. He looked past the large easel every few seconds as he began to sketch out the core shapes of Steve’s pose. He was sitting cross-legged on the bed with his hands in his lap, he surprisingly looked both confused and excited to be there. It was all so sudden, he wasn’t sure what to do or where to put his hands. Eddie was making Steve nervous.

“So let me get this straight, you, Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson, went to college?” He said in an attempt to break the silence.

“Yeah, I could say the same thing about you.”

“How’d you end up here, man? I mean, after everything you sorta… disappeared. I went to visit you in that personal trailer or whatever it was one day? Those government guys told me you just up and left.”

“…Yeah. I couldn’t stay in Hawkins anymore, not after that shit. I just needed a new start, y’know? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, didn’t think you’d care that much.” Eddie said, continuing to compose shapes that created a general idea of Steve’s form.

“Of course I care. Sure, I was a dick to you before everything happened but I was starting to consider you a… a real friend. Dustin really misses you, dude. You should give him a call.”

“And rope the poor kid into my bullshit again? Yeah, no way.”

“He’s not a kid anymore, he’s turning eighteen in a few months.”

Eddie didn’t reply for a while after that, he just continued to sketch out Steve’s pose, the only thing being heard in the dorm being the scratching of graphite on paper. A heavy feeling filled Eddie’s heart after the realization that life simply went on without him. He knew that Hawkins wouldn’t crumble apart after his departure, but he tried not to think about what would happen to the town and the people in it for the sake of emotional stability. There were still births and deaths, students still attended Hawkins High without him storming through the halls, his story became just another legend in the lives of many. He thought about Dustin and his failed band occasionally, what could’ve been, what memories could’ve been made. Ultimately, he knew leaving was the best decision even though it created more than enough negative feelings one person could handle. It was bizarre to have spent your entire life in one place, know the ins and outs of it, and just get up and abandon it one day. For whatever reason, there was a lingering thought in his mind… he wished that he had died that day in March.

“Alright, we’re done for the day. This project isn’t due for another three weeks and my ass is starting to hurt.”

“Already? We only started like… half an hour ago!”

“Why are you complaining? You want to stay ‘cause you missed me so bad, Stevie?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“You didn’t deny it.” Eddie said with a large smile, realizing he hadn’t smiled genuinely in a long time.

Steve hastily got up from the bed, wondering what the sketch Eddie had composed looked like. Tucking a piece of hair behind his ear, his eyes widened at the sight. Eddie swore it was just a sketch, but it was already so beautiful. Nobody had ever drawn him in a serious manner before, especially with such skill. The lines were scratchy and loose, but it came together to create something cohesive with its own unique style. It wasn’t a version of him, it was him. A smile crept upon his face, feeling the lines on his face begin to crinkle around his eyes, he had never been so happy to see a piece of paper before.

“I had no idea you could draw, especially not this good.”

“Well, I guess I’m a man of many talents.”

“I’d say, I can barely draw a stick figure!”

“You have no idea how many times I get told that a week, man. It’s actually kind of annoying, to be honest.”

“…Sorry.”

“No, no.” He paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, that was rude. I don’t really talk to people much anymore, forgot I’m not supposed to be so blunt.”

“I like your bluntness, it’s just very… blunt.”

“You don’t say?”

The awkward air in the dorm went as soon as it came, the two men enjoying their time together. Eddie put his easel and sketch pad back in the compact corner and quickly flopped onto his hard bed, complaining that it had made his back issues even worse. They talked about each other’s majors and how long they had to stay in college to graduate along with casual small talk. It was odd to pick up a conversation with someone after three years of not speaking, but neither of them were complaining. Even though the immediate connection was peculiar, it was better than awkwardly dancing around things and not being able to work together because of it— they had chemistry.

Steve stayed over at Eddie’s dorm until his roommate, a young woman who held her head high and stood her ground, returned to study. Eddie admitted before her return that she reminded him of Chrissy Cunningham, which is why he didn’t speak to her much. It wasn’t her fault her hair was a natural strawberry blonde and her eyes glistening blue, she had the right to express herself how she wished, but there was something off-putting about it. They knew the bare minimum about each other, told each other when they needed to buy things, and that was about it. When she returned, Steve promptly sat upright on Eddie’s bed instead of with his feet elevated against the wall, ready to introduce himself and leave.

As much as it was embarrassing to admit, Steve didn’t want to leave. He enjoyed his time with Eddie all those years ago and now that he had that back, he wanted to stay for the rest of the day and completely catch up. For now, he’d have to leave. He had classes to attend and things to do, he was sure Eddie had some important artistic or musical thing to work on, so he left. He was followed to the door by Eddie, who smiled warmly at him, a sharp contrast from the fear he first felt at his appearance.

“It was fun catching up with you, we should do this again.”

“Of course we will, you’re comin’ back next week.” Eddie’s eyebrows raised. “Shit, hold on. I have to get that fifteen bucks.”

Steve chuckled at the open door, watching Eddie scramble to grab the two notes from a savings jar near the entrance.

“There, that’s your pay. Thanks for being a good model.” Eddie said, firmly placing the two dollar bills into Steve’s open palm.

“Thanks for having me. I guess you could say I’m a man of many talents.”

“Hey, that’s my line!”

“It’s mine now, I’m running with it!” Steve said, running down the dormitory hallway with cash in hand as Eddie doubled over laughing, disrupting his roommate and neighbors in the process.

It was a long day by the time he was in bed, but Steve still managed to get everything done. After unexpectedly reuniting with and spending time with Eddie, he called Robin and told her everything, freaked out over it for a few minutes, and prepared to attend his final night classes. He wasn’t a religious person by any means, but Steve went to bed that night with a new wonder on his mind:

Why did the universe bring us back together?

Chapter Text

Steve wasn’t sure what to do with himself after his first, or rather first reintroduction, with Eddie. Just like before he knew who was asking for a model, he was all Steve could think of during his two final night classes. He was relieved, excited, confused and almost nervous at the same time. He was glad to now have someone he knew understood him in person rather than over the phone, considering he knew virtually no one since beginning college.

Steve loved Robin unconditionally, but it just wasn’t the same when he was 100 miles from home. He told her everything, of course, and she was just as shocked as he was. She had spent the next half-hour trying to discreetly kiss the girl she had hinted at during Steve’s last visit, which he had seemingly forgotten about, and balance his ramblings about how he had no idea that Eddie was attending the same college, completely unbeknownst to him.

“I just don’t get it, Rob. How did I go an entire semester without realizing he went here?”

“There’s literally thousands of people who go to the same college as you, you’re not gonna recognize him in a crowd like that.”

“But… he’s Eddie. How do you just miss a guy like that?”

“Maybe the fact that you keep your eyes to the ground when you walk? Either that or you always look back at whoever’s behind you.” Robin said with a smile in her voice.

“You do that too! Don’t go ragging on me all of a sudden.”

“I’m just being silly, you know I understand.”

“Yeah, you do.”

A moment of silence hung in the air between the two, a quiet acknowledgement of what they had been through together years ago in Starcourt Mall.

“It’s nice to talk again like this, it’s like things haven’t changed, but they have, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m getting close to strangling every person that asks where a certain genre is when all of the aisles are labeled. I need you to talk me out of it, Steveee.”

“I’m not talking you out of that, I’d totally do it if I knew I wasn’t gonna get arrested.”

“Your dad would bail you out.”

“Would he?”

“…Okay, maybe not.”

“No strangling for either of us.”

The call continued for a few more minutes, with continuous a “No, you hang up!” and laughter filling both of their respective rooms. Steve was glad to have Robin bring him back to Earth, and Robin was glad Steve still cared about her as much as he did when they first became friends. It was an unexplainable friendship, but they just clicked. There was no rhyme or reason for it, not that they could explain to any normal person, anyway. They just had a special bond after the summer of 1985, and they weren’t planning on stopping that any time soon, even if Steve would have to live an hour away for the next three years.

Finally hanging up the phone, Steve spun around a few times in the swivel chair across from his bed, exhaling all of the air in his lungs and rubbing his face.

I didn’t even get his number.

For the entire week, like clockwork, Eddie was always a thought in the back of Steve’s mind. The intensity of his desire to know what Eddie was thinking or doing at the time had quelled, but he never really left. He attended his classes as usual, listened to Robin’s latest drama and her feelings surrounding each one, updated her on his life and tried to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

There were no girls to chase after in his free time like how it was in Hawkins. For whatever reason, he had become horrible at flirting. His mouth didn’t work the way it used to, his attempts at winking made him look like he was malfunctioning, he failed at every stage. Steve had given up on dating because of it, at least for now.

The topic of dating was brought up during Steve’s second visit to Eddie’s dorm. It was the natural progression of two guys in their early twenties, right? You want to know how things are doing, and maybe offer some advice along the way, even if Steve was currently horrible at flirting.

“So, um… do you have a girlfriend?” Steve asked, sitting in the same position as last time, but with a lamp beside him. Eddie said it would help him better understand the form of the overall piece.
Eddie was silent for a moment, and then burst into laughter, nearly snorting at the idea.

“What? What’s funny about that?”

“Nothing, don’t worry. I just, uh… no girlfriends around here.”

“…Okay? Sorry to ask.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s just funny to me for reasons unbeknownst to you.”

“You’re just as weird as the day I met you.” Steve paused. “That’s a compliment, by the way.”

“I’d take it as one even if you were insulting me.” Eddie flashed a smile, leaning past the easel so Steve could bear witness.

“What about you then? You’re a lady killer, right? Anybody wrapped around your finger, Harrington?”

“You’re giving me too much credit. I’ve been sucking at that lately.”

“So, no girl? Really?”

“Is it really that shocking?” Steve asked, leaning forward with a raised brow.

“Don’t move.” Eddie said sharply.

“Yeah, I guess it is. I mean, I know you took a break after Wheeler but… you’re really not talking to anyone…?”

“Nope.”

Eddie smiled discreetly from behind the easel.

“Good to know.”

“What?”

“Nevermind… I used the wrong phrase. I hope you find someone soon, man.”

“Yeah, me too. I’ll be pissed if you get a girlfriend before me.”

“Don’t worry, you can be the big guy on the block. I can assure you, you have nothing to worry about.”

The two continued to talk through the rest of this week’s drawing session, catching up with each other’s lives and giggling like children along the way. Steve wasn’t sure why, but he felt comfortable around Eddie. He usually had to put on a mask of confidence with people, but it didn’t feel that way with him. He hadn’t felt this secure since he met Robin, the real Robin, in the Starcourt Mall bathroom. Someone trusted him enough to be themselves in front of him, so he offered her that same grace. He could be himself without judgment in the compact dorm, and just like Robin, Eddie felt the same way, even if he didn’t make that apparent.

Eddie had moved from light sketching to pulling out a canvas that fit the size of the large easel and using both Steve’s actual pose and the drawing he made as reference to transfer. Steve tried asking what the final piece would look like, but Eddie wouldn’t budge. The only thing he said was “It’s a secret.” and moved on, no matter how persistent Steve was. After getting the pose and expression down correctly, Steve was free to grab Eddie’s roommate's pink stool and sit behind him while he worked. His hands were covered in faint scars and tattoos that had either lost large chunks or were nearly faded, his fingernails painted a deep black. Steve noticed that Eddie wore a lot of bracelets, too. They decorated his wrists and stopped at the middle of his forearms. Some were rubber with band logos on them, but most of them were beaded, Steve assumed they were handmade by their appearance. Maybe he was so used to white noise, but the jangling of the dark beads and charms weren’t something he was paying attention to. They clinked and clacked every time Eddie moved his hand to a new place, focused on a new area. Unable to let the curiosity slip his mind, Steve decided to ask about the bracelets.

“What’s with those?” He asked.

“Sorry?”

“The bracelets. Why so many?”
Eddie sighed, keeping his eyes on the canvas as he added more details and shading to Steve’s face.

“You’re very curious, Harrington.”

“What, am I not supposed to ask?”

“I’m not supposed to answer, don’t wanna scare you away.”

Steve leaned back in confusion. “Huh? Are those like… like weapons or
something?”

Eddie began to laugh, shaking his head in disbelief at Steve’s creative mind.
“No, they’re not weapons. Maybe we can talk about it later.”

“Are you suggesting we hang out later?”

“…I dunno, I guess I didn’t consider you actually wanted to stick around.”

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my friend.”

“I am?”

“…Yeah?”

“Oh.” He said, fighting a smile. “Well, I guess we’re friends, then… and I guess we can go to The Cave after I’m done for today.”

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed for the hundredth time that day, co

“The Cave?”

“You haven’t heard? It’s a diner not too far from here, couple blocks down. It’s kinda like Benny’s… before those shitheads messed it up and made it a party house.”

“Oh, okay. I went to Benny’s a few times when I was a kid, the burgers were nice.”

“Maybe that’s why he called it ‘Benny’s Burgers’.”

“…Good point.”

Within a few minutes, Eddie had finished drawing for the day. He transferred the loose figure from his sketchpad into a larger version on canvas, defining the smaller details of Steve most people didn’t notice. The moles on his neck, the way the hair on the back of his neck swooped outward, the fine lines around his eyes. Nobody had ever done something like this for him before, even if he was just a small part of a larger project. He was grateful that Eddie didn’t shoo him away when he opened the door.

“I have no idea how you made it look so much like me.”

“I’m just super awesome.”

“I can’t deny that.” He said, cracking a smile.

“I’m just gonna put this back and set some stuff up for after you’re gone, I need to work on laying down some colors.”

“Oh, alright. So it’ll look different when I come back next week?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, I’ll just wait at the door. I have no idea where ‘The Cave’ is.”

From the small cutout in the dorm, Eddie spoke at a higher volume, wondering how Steve had lived in the city for almost a year, yet he had no idea where one of the most popular diners was.

“I guess I just don’t go out anymore. Things aren’t really the same when you don’t have friends to hang out with.”

“Well, cheer up, Stevie. I’m your friend, remember?”

“Right.” He paused for a moment. “I just miss Robin.”

“Robin?”

“My best friend, Robin? Don’t you remember?”

“Sorry, man. I’ve blocked most of that shit out. So Robin is still in Hawkins?”

“Yeah, I have no idea why. It kinda sucks, to be honest.”

“You’re preaching to the choir.”

Steve heard a quiet mumble and a singular clap, signaling that Eddie had finished his work and was congratulating himself for it. Soon, he came around the corner empty handed and a soft smile on his face. He dusted off his hands and stretched his back, looking at Steve intently.

“It’s May, you don’t need to wear that jacket outside.”

“It’s Friday, you don’t need to wear those sweatpants outside.”

“Ooh, burn! You’ve wounded me, Harrington.”

Steve laughed and opened the door, standing aside to let Eddie exit first. Putting a hand in his pocket, he felt the leather wallet that had been creating a bulge, wondering if Eddie had grabbed his own while he was in the small cutout of the dorm.

The walk to the diner was shorter than Steve and Eddie had expected, but for the wrong reasons. During their travels, they laughed and nudged each other with their elbows and went over what The Cave sold, and then it went wrong. Eddue mainly kept his head down while he walked, but he had to be aware of his surroundings so they didn’t get lost. The issue came from Eddie’s interpretation of events, versus how they actually happened. The diner was only a few turns away, but Eddie saw something that nearly made his heart stop.

A man who stood nearly six-foot fall was only a few paces away from the men, making Eddie halt where he stood. He froze, unable to move. Steve noticed the lack of noise, crunching stones, Eddie’s breathing or sly comments, it was silent aside from pedestrians continuing their lives while he stopped. Looking at him, Steve realized that Eddie was almost in a different world, staring at the person across the street. His hair was platinum blond and perfectly sculpted across his scalp, a green varsity jacket covering his top half. Steve was confused, why was Eddie so adamant on stopping their travels to stare at a stranger? He wasn’t sure, so he asked.

“Eddie? You okay?”

No response.

“…Eddie?” Steve reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder.
He jumped, tearing his gaze away from the stranger across the street, staring at Steve with eyes full of fear.

“It’s… it can’t be. I’m just— no I’m just being fuckin’ crazy…”

“Hey, you’re okay! Just… stop, calm down. Explain it to me, slowly so I can help you.”

“Carver…”

“Carver?”

Eddie took a deep breath to calm himself down, balling his ringed hands into fists when he realized they were shaking. He got so scared over something so small, it was shameful.
“Jason, Jason Carver. I know it’s not real, he’s not… he’s dead, at least that’s what I remember. I’m just freaking out for no reason, that guy, he— he just looks so much like him.”

“I didn’t even remember him until you said his name. He’s the one who came after you, right?”

“Yeah, that’s him. Made my life hell my entire time at school and then got the whole town to rally against me. I’m just… I’m just a bit shaken up. You probably think I’m nuts, right?”

“No, no. I get nightmares sometimes. That doesn’t make me nuts, does it?”

“Guess not.”

Without speaking, Steve grabbed Eddie by the thin fabric of the flannel button-up he had on and pulled him into a nearby alley. It was quiet, a much better place to have a panic attack than in public where people could see. His chest heaved with fear, hands still balled into fists. He was so scared for no real reason, his mind just went into fight or flight, and he had to calm down. He wasn’t sure what to do, but he knew that this was nothing new. There were some days where he woke up in a cold sweat, bones knocking against each other with fear.

“Can I touch you?”

Steve wasn’t sure it would work, but he wanted to at least try. Eddie didn’t respond, only nodding his head in agreement. Steve moved him over slightly to be able to get behind him, letting his hands become tangled in Eddie’s soft waves. His thick fingers gently massaged his scalp as he hummed, thinking about how many times he and Robin had done this to each other when the other wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t want to make it awkward, but he thought humming a random tune might soothe Eddie into a calmer state. To his contentment, he heard a sigh come from Eddie. He rolled his shoulders and neck, pulling away from Steve’s touch.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

“For what?”

“I made it weird. I just wanted to take you out and look at what happened. I’m not really fun to hang out with anymore.”

“I’m having fun.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not, Eddie!” Steve sighed, coming around to look him in the eyes.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“I guess.”

“Sometimes, when I’m alone, I’ll hug myself if I’m feeling sad. Sure, that’s embarrassing, but what matters is that it makes me feel better. I made you feel better with that massage, didn’t I?”

“…Yeah, you did.”

“See? So don’t worry, you don’t make it weird. How about we take it slow today? I don’t have any classes for a while, so we can go back to my dorm and I can order a pizza, instead.”

“You’d do that?”

“Sure! I love pizza, pizza’s cool.”

“Cool!”

“Yeah, don’t you know? All the cool kids are eating it.”

“Shut up, Harrington.” Eddie said with a smile.

After a few final sighs and a silly joke from Steve to lighten the mood, the two men turned around and walked back to campus. It wasn’t exactly the most conventional approach to hanging out, but they both enjoyed themselves, especially after their pizza was delivered. Eddie looked around Steve’s dorm and playfully poked fun at him for his lack of decor, and eventually sprawled out on his bed. Steve took his swivel chair and carefully dragged it beside Eddie, watching him look around at all the smaller details he hadn’t seen before.

“What are you looking at?” He asked.

“Nothin’, just you.”

“Just me? Excuse me, I am an experience.”

“Right, right, sorry. All hail Lord Edward.”

“Edward? I guess your name is Steven now.”

“No, no! That’s horrible, I hate being called Steven!”

“Then don’t call me Edward!” Eddie said playfully.

“But it’s funny!”

“So it begins… our rivalry.”

“So it has.” Steve agreed with a wide smile. He wasn’t sure what was happening between him and Eddie, but he knew that whatever it was, it wasn’t a rivalry and it definitely wasn’t anything like his normal friendships. That didn’t matter to him, though. Since reconnecting with Eddie in the past week, Steve had remembered that normal was boring.

Chapter Text

Three weeks had gone by since Eddie had a panic attack in the alleyway, and one week since the reality of the school year ending set in for the both of them.

The year ending meant four months of Steve being back in Hawkins, Indiana, and having to deal with the stress that followed. The year ending also meant he could see Robin, which was nice. He had missed her every day since he last saw her, and he couldn’t wait to tell her everything in person; phone calls just weren’t as good. For Eddie, the year ending meant that he could rest and spend more time with his uncle, Wayne. The old guy rarely called because he didn’t want to pry into his boy’s college experience, but his heart grew heavy with the distance. Eddie wished Wayne called more, but with a four-month long break from working (with the possible exception of getting a summer job,) he could spend as much time with Wayne as he so pleased.

The downside to the end of the year was, of course, the actual departure. In between then and now, Steve and Eddie had exchanged phone numbers, but who was to say they’d keep in touch? Eddie, though he’d never admit it out loud, believed that any good thing that came his way would eventually leave him. Loving parents? Left as quick as they came. A good education experience? Nope. Past fifth grade, school was complete hell. Friends? He didn’t have those anymore. His guitar, his most prized possession? Destroyed. He wouldn’t in actuality, but when he and Steve parted ways in the next few weeks, Eddie wanted to pull him into a tight hug— a final plea to keep in touch.

The two of them were swamped with work which already made it nearly impossible to spend any time together, Eddie could feel Steve pulling away. He always had something to do, a call to take, notes to write; he only came over when he had to model rather than on his own volition. He had a new wrinkle between his brows from constant furrowing, probably from stress. Like the rest of the small details on his face, Eddie added that to the portrait, too. He wasn’t upset with Steve, but rather the circumstances he had to endure for the next while. In a few weeks, he had grown fond of Steve. He learned to enjoy his presence in 1986, but he never found himself wanting him around or missing him so badly he felt like his heart might burst. Steve made him feel whole again after living as fragmented pieces for years. He had someone to talk to, an actual person to share his thoughts with instead of with the walls. Steve was caring, more loving than most people he’d ever met before.

He had already figured himself out years before— who he was, the life he wanted, what kind of person he wanted a future with. He’d try to think about anything except the arguments that bounced off the walls in the home he would eventually be removed from. Eventually, his mind drifted on the especially lonely nights. No matter how hard he tried, Eddie could only see himself with a man. He wasn’t sure how to feel. On one hand, he didn’t expect any less of himself when he was already notorious for being different, but on the other— he was scared. He had friends who accepted him for all of his weirdness, but what if yet another anomaly was their final straw?

He knew he shouldn’t have been afraid when he was so open about everything else, but it wasn’t anything he could control. Whenever someone would joke about him not having a girlfriend, he’d just laugh along. If someone brought up being gay, he’d just say he didn’t care. It was a tough cycle to be so externally proud of who you were, but almost ashamed on the inside. It wasn’t anything he could explain, and he didn’t want to. He spent so long hiding it, it became natural to just move along with the crowd and pray that nobody ask him about his love life or romantic preferences. So, when Steve re-entered his life, Eddie had a bit of a dilemma.

They had spent so much time together and it was getting harder to hide that part of himself. He wanted to lean into every small touch shared, shut him up with kisses and hold his hand while they walked around campus together. Just saying the words “I’m gay” was something he had never attempted, yet he wanted to say them to Steve so badly, over and over and over. “I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m gay.” He wanted to know what Steve thought about it, maybe he’d be accepting? Maybe if he was honest and tore out the lump in his throat, just mustered up the courage to say it. Maybe things would be different then. There was only one way to find out, and he wasn’t willing to go there yet even if it was all he wanted.

So, Eddie decided to stay quiet and sit with himself for a moment. His roommate was at her lectures and he had the entire dorm to himself. His hands sat under his thighs as he rocked back and forth, wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into by falling for Steve Harrington, his biggest-jock-ever and probably-super-hetero best friend. Rather than throw things or sigh away all the air in his lungs, tears began to spill from his eyes. Before the Upside Down, there weren’t many occasions where Eddie Munson felt the need to cry or sob or scream until his chest hurt. After? That was a completely different story. He had pushed nearly everyone away, he had nobody to talk
to. Silence can be deadly when you’re completely alone, wondering how or why you were still alive. Warm tears spilled slowly down his pale, scarred cheeks as he laid back and stared at his blank ceiling.

The tears rolled down the sides of his face and into his hair, unsure of what to do. Almost as if it were an act of the universe coming to swoop in and save him from his misery, three swift knocks on his door were heard. He was torn away from his sadness at the sudden noise, his heart aching with sadness to pumping with fear. He slowly moved from his stiff bed to the peephole in his dorm door with a shake in his breath. It was so sudden and so fast, who could’ve wanted to see him so urgently? Upon seeing who it was, Eddie sighed deeply in relief and wiped his eyes.

“Steve, what are you doing here?”

“I finished my notes and lectures and I had some time to kill. I figured I’d stop by ‘cause I like hanging around you.”
Eddie tried to fight a smile.

“Oh, um… come in then. Sorry about the mess, I wasn’t expecting company.”

“Don’t worry about it, dude.” He said, picking up discarded shirts and other articles of clothing from the floor, throwing them in the hamper at the end of Eddie’s bed. “You have no idea how awful my dorm looks right now, it’s way worse than a few clothes.”

“It’s that bad?”

“Yes, that bad. That’s why I came over instead of calling you to come to mine.” He paused. “So, what are you up to? You sound kinda sick.”

“Sick? No, no. I’m fine, just a bit sniffly.”
“Why are you sniffly if you aren’t sick?”

“You ask a lot of questions.”

Steve looked around awkwardly. He wasn’t sure if he should bring up that he knew from the redness around Eddie’s eyes and nose that he was either sick or crying. He didn’t want to make things awkward, but he also didn’t want to avoid the issue if there was one— he didn’t feel like getting sick if Eddie was lying, either. He sighed quietly and leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms until Eddie said something else.

“I promise I’m not sick. Just come in, okay?”

“Fine, but you’re dead if I start coughing tomorrow, no fake-outs this time.”

“Dude.” Eddie said with a blank expression.

“Sorry.”

With both of them being apart for a while, things had gotten a bit tense; it was awkward. It was like their first meeting all over again, a feeling in the air that made Eddie at the very least want to jump out of the nearest window and hide in a bush rather than be faced with the embarrassment of small talk. Grabbing the stool from the corner of the dorm, Eddie sat in front of where Steve currently was on his bed.

“So, you just wanted to come around? Missed me that bad?”

“Yeah, I did. I can’t even lie.” They both smiled, though Eddie swore he felt his heart scream. “I actually had something else I wanted to bring up, though.”

“Oh, and would that be?”

“I know you’re probably gonna say no, but just hear me out— hear me out, okay?”

“…Don’t tell me you set up a double date or some shit.”

“I didn’t! I’m not even talking to anyone right now. Anyway—“,

Oh.

“I overheard some girls talking about an end-of-year party at Overhead Springs, have you heard of it? I was thinking we could go.” Steve smiled cheekily. “Think about it before you say no.”

“No.”

“To hearing of Overhead Springs or to the party?”

“I know where the springs are, I don’t want to go to a party.”

“C’mon, Eddie! Sure, it’s not your thing, but… humor me for just one night?”
Eddie didn’t respond, debating whether or not to fall for Steve’s charm.

“I’ll do anything you want if you come with me. It’s next week on Saturday, we can go at any time after the sun goes down. We can go at any point if you’re overwhelmed, and you can decide whatever it is you want me to do even after you come along.”

“…Anything?”

“Anything.”

There were a few things Eddie could do with this proposal. Thoughts flooded his mind with possible outcomes depending on what he made Steve do, and he was on the verge of breaking into an expression that’d crush his solid resolve before he caught himself.

“Fine, but we aren’t staying out the entire night.” Eddie complained, crossing his arms and staring deeply into Steve’s eyes. He found he was being stared at right back, but Steve had a bright, smug smile on his face. He jumped away from his place on Eddie’s bed and pranced all around the dorm, making both of them laugh in the process. He shook his hips and spread his arms wide, making Eddie wonder if that was how he truly danced.

“We’re gonna have so much fun, Eddie!” Steve grabbed him by the wrists, pulling him from the stool and swayed his arms back and forth.

“What the hell are you doing?” Eddie tried to fight the smile that was creeping up his face, but he felt too warm of a feeling in his chest over Steve’s touch to be genuinely upset.

“We’re dancing!” He cheered, wondering why he felt his heart race when he felt Eddie grab his forearms.

“Spinning around isn’t dancing you dummy, I’m gonna spill my guts all over you if you don’t let me go!” Eddie said, feeling a new woozy sensation washing over his mind.

“Alright, alright, good idea. Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay! I’m just… holy shit, I am so dizzy right now.”

“Uh oh…” Steve whispered under his breath, hooking an arm around Eddie and walking him to his rickety bed to lay down.

“I’m just not as energetic as I used to be, man. I’m only twenty-three and I feel like an old man from just a couple spins.” He confessed, feeling the warmth in his chest become replaced with something darker, sadder.

“Hey, it’s okay!” Steve sat down beside him. “I lose my voice sometimes ‘cause of this.” He pointed to the thin, white scar circling around his entire neck. It wasn’t wiry and repulsive like Eddie’s perceived his own to be, it was just a scar. It looked like it hurt even if it had been years since it healed, he wondered if Steve still got the sharp pains shooting through his scars like he did every so often.

“We’re so banged up, it’s not even funny.”

“We’re a couple of racecars, aren’t we? Scratched and broken and probably a bit rusty, too.”

“At least we haven’t crashed and gotten written off completely yet.” Eddie smiled weakly.

“We’re still driving, even if it’s a bit slower than everyone else. I understand, and I’m sure you understand me too, Ed.” He said, nudging Eddie’s shoulder when he noticed the upbeat air about him fading away with each second of realization of how ruined he truly was.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Don’t worry, you’re still just as cool, or— useful? Look, I don’t know what exact wording to use ‘cause my brain is barely reliable, but… you’re not less than just because you can’t do things as well anymore. I still think you’re great.” Steve smiled at Eddie and saw the same expression on his face. He wouldn’t show it fully, but Steve’s words meant far more to him than he could ever know. He wished he had a way to express it, but his mouth wouldn’t move and his mind thought too quickly to form anything cohesive.

“Thanks, Steve.”

“Don’t sweat it! You’re fine right now and you’ll be fine at the party, maybe just take it easy on the dancing.”

“You can’t tell me anything about dancing with the way you move, Harrington.”

“You’re so mean.” Steve said jokingly.

“You love me.” Eddie replied with no protest from Steve.

Chapter Text

Parties were not Eddie Munson’s thing. He used to attend a few every so often before he was accused of murder in 1986, but it never ended well. He’d be “the guy” you went to if you were looking to buy something to make you feel on top of the world, something to mellow you out or something that’d make you see stars and melting skies in a pitch black room. He’d be the party equivalent of a bus boy: nobody really sees you as someone with much value, but they still need you whether they admit it or not.

He’d stand in a corner waiting for “clients” as he liked to call them, feeling the vibrations from the bass-boosted music pounding in his chest. Someone would come up to him every few minutes to buy, and he’d offer his prices (which he jacked up when a jock or notoriously douchey guy came around). After he ran out of product, he’d get kicked out. They didn’t need him once he wasn’t of use anymore, he was just another can to kick around on the street, a nobody; a freak.

One of these times, Steve Harrington decided to buy a half ounce of his finest weed which wasn’t so fine in reality. It was skunky and just barely got him high, but it was good enough. He didn’t get mad, he didn’t push him around or call him names, he couldn’t care less. For the first time in his life, Eddie wondered if Steve wasn’t as bad as he thought. Of course, after their short interaction, Steve went right back to Tommy Hagan, one of the people who made his life complete hell at Hawkins High. He stood off to the side while Steve bought product for the two of them, staring Eddie down the entire time. When it was over, his arm went back to being tightly wrapped around Steve’s shoulder, and he looked happy about it. Just as always, Tommy couldn’t keep his mouth shut when it came to personal judgements, even if Eddie was providing him with a service he didn’t necessarily have to.

“Thanks, fuckin’ freak.” He flashed a conniving smile, knowing he couldn’t say or do anything worse with Steve around. Maybe he could and just didn’t want to waste his time, but either way, he blew Eddie away in the wind like a dandelion seed. He was a blip in his universe, used and completely discarded, and Steve didn’t say a word, not a peep; and in that moment, Eddie learned to not trust a Harrington for the next long while.

Eddie decided to avoid parties soon after that. Even if there were nice clients like Steve Harrington to be found through drunken teenagers and blasting music, Eddie knew he’d still be treated like trash as soon as it was over. It was a vicious cycle of letting himself be mistreated for the sake of some extra cash, and he was done with it. If someone wanted to buy from him, they could discreetly ask in a hallway or empty classroom, that was it. So, when that same Steve Harrington re-re-entered his life and became close enough to him to invite him to an end-of-year college party, Eddie wasn’t sure how to feel.

There was so much uncertainty about the whole thing. He didn’t know whether Steve would stay sober or drink so heavily his liver would fail an hour in, he didn’t know anybody or what to wear. He didn’t know what music they’d play or who he’d bump into, would they push him out just like the highschool kids did? He felt a heavy pressure in his chest when he met up with Steve just outside the campus. He decided to go casual with his clothing in case anything went wrong, sticking with a typical graphic shirt that read: “BANG ME” with a decal of a drum set on the front. He paired the shirt with a red flannel jacket to hide his scars and his only pair of un-ripped black jeans. He also wore a matching black bandana around his head, half of which was hidden by his bangs. His shoes weren’t much of a sight for sore eyes, completely tattered and torn. The average person would assume they were brown because of all of the dirt coating the white design.

Steve on the other hand, Steve went all out. Rather than his typical college logo pullover and sweatpants or shorts, he looked good. He sported a polo shirt that, for once, wasn’t striped. Near his chest, there was embroidery that read “BOSS”. Eddie couldn’t stop himself from giggling at how lame it was for Steve to call himself a boss, but his laughter was quickly overshadowed by Steve’s complaints. Below the belt were acid-wash jeans, cuffed at the bottom and fastened with a belt Eddie assumed to be at least a few hundred dollars. His shoes were from a sports brand Eddie had never heard of, and they looked brand new. Just like his, but with significantly less scuffing, they were white.

He stood leaning against a tree with his arms crossed until he saw Eddie approaching, looking him up and down with a smile.

“Eddie, wow! You… you look great!” he said with a smile.

“Don’t try to flatter me, Harrington.”

“I mean it. Really, you look good. I haven’t seen you this dressed up in a while.”

“If this is what you think me being dressed up is, I really need to reconsider some of my everyday fashion choices.” Eddie laughed at himself, noticing how he truly fit the description of “casual”.

“Even if you looked bad, we don’t have time to go back and change. We have a party to attend!” he spread his arms out in excitement, spinning in a circle before beginning to walk down the road they stood before.

“Wrong way, Steve.”

“…Totally knew that, I was just taking a detour.” Steve said, continuing to walk down the street, refusing to stop.

“This is the detour. It’s okay, you can admit defeat.” Eddie called from the newly formed distance between them.

“Maybe I will!” Steve said with his hands on his hips, turning on his heels.

“You’re so stubborn.”

The walk to Overhead Springs was shorter than Steve had expected since he had no idea where he and Eddie were going; he wasn’t sure whether the distance would be long or short. He saw a few groups of people heading in the direction of what he assumed to be the party, so he wasn’t quite listening to Eddie’s directions. His level of excitement was far too high for a college party, but he hadn't done anything like this in over a year. He hadn’t had time to let loose and have fun, he was always busy. All of his hard work was finally being paid off, and he was going to relish in it, or so he thought.

When they arrived at the party, Steve was a bit confused. He assumed Overhead Springs was the name of a neighborhood, but in actuality, it was a large park. Someone had set up a boombox on a large rock and cranked up the sound, filling the open area with cheers, chatter and Van Halen. Steve wasn’t sure how that many people could be outside partying without a complaint, but he didn’t care in the moment— he was there to have fun.

Eddie nervously gripped the hem of his jacket, fiddling with the bottom button. Steve noticed this before going to grab drinks at a fold-out table already covered with spilled beer and jungle
juice.

“You okay?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, totally great, Steve. Not freaking out at all.”

“Do you want to go back?” he questioned with a sad glimmer in his eyes Eddie couldn’t help but notice. Not wanting to be a downer, he shook his head. As much as he wanted to repeat “Yes, yes yes, I want to go home.” to Steve, he didn’t.

“Stay close by, okay? I’m not gonna drink too much, I just want to have some fun.”

“Cool. Will do.” Eddie said, walking in the opposite direction as Steve got lost in the crowd of dancing, drunk strangers.

In a few minutes, Eddie had found himself at the drink table. He wasn’t a big drinker after the Upside Down, he always wanted to be alert, but the shame of being so nervous at a college party was slowly itching at him. Everybody around him was in their own groups, visibly happy to be there; he was just a guy in the corner. Too afraid to take liberties and have fun, and he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be like Steve: calm, cool, collected, able to have fun in crowds instead of wondering if somebody in it wanted him dead. Looking at the dirty table, Eddie sighed. If drinking enough alcohol to calm his jangled nerves was the way to collect himself, then he’d just have to do it.

There was a stack of sticky, red solo cups, just like in all those teen movies he had sat through when he tried to take his mind off of things. He grabbed one and ran it through the definitely unsanitary bowl of jungle juice, catching a stray lemon slice in the process. If he was being honest, had no idea what was in the drink. It was a citrus-y mix of a few different flavors, paired with overly-sweet candies that had dissolved over time. It was moderately disgusting for his standards, but just good enough that he could finish a cup. He barely breathed as he gulped down the entire thing and rubbed his mouth when he was finished. He hoped nobody was watching, even though he felt that way most of the time— chugging a cup of liquid liver failure and nearly drowning in it wasn’t the most charming thing to witness.

Meanwhile, Steve was having a good time out in the crowd. He didn’t know the words to the songs that played, but he didn’t care. He swayed his hips just like he did back in Eddie’s dorm, and he cheered along with everyone when a new song came on or somebody chugged a large bottle of beer. He felt like a teenager again, King Steve on top of the world, but less of a douchebag. He bumped into people, people bumped into him, and he didn’t care. He put his arms in the air and let the sea of people whisk him away. He worried about Eddie, but he didn’t want the fun to stop. He continued to jump around and chant and completely butcher the lyrics to party songs until his feet hurt.

After Steve was tired with dancing and swaying in the crowds, he made his way to the drink table where Eddie still remained. He felt relieved that he wasn’t shaking in a corner alone, but curious as to how long he had been there. Eddie was closer to the actual party animals now, but still kept his distance with a tight grip on his cup. He had drunk two and one-half cups worth of jungle juice at that point, and his head was starting to spin. When he looked around, it was like the world was moving slower than his eyes, everything was in slow motion. Eddie was never a heavy drinker, both for deeper, more personal reasons and the fact that he didn’t quite like the taste of any alcohol— especially beer. He’d drink one to calm down every so often, but it was never a pleasurable experience to sit down and drink a can of it. Noticing Steve from the corner of his eye, Eddie smiled lazily and walked over to him as he poured himself a sugary cup of alcohol.

“Heyyy, Steve! How goes it, maaan?” he said, dragging out the first and last words. He thought to himself, why am I talking like this?, but he couldn’t control himself.

“What’s up, Eddie? Are you still alright?” he questioned as he watched Eddie blink slowly and sway side to side.

“Me? Oh, I’m great. I love these huge crowds of complete strangers and drinking too much, I’m lovin’ it! Hell yeah!” he cheered, throwing his hands up in the air and spilling half of his drink in the process. “Aw, shit.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? How much have you been drinking?”

“Don’t worry, Stevie. I’m fine, m’great.” he said, running his cup through the bowl of alcohol once again.

“I really don’t think you should be drinking anymore, Eddie.”

“Shut up, Harrington. Talkin’ to me with your stupid pretty face and those… pretty eyes. I’m okay, really. You wanted me to have fun, m’havin’ fun!”. What the hell am I saying?

“…What?” Steve questioned, feeling a skipped beat in his chest.

“Don’t act like you don’t know, Steve. You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous, I dunno how no one hasn’t snatched you up yet. You… you’re like… beautiful, man. Dunno how we even got here, but you can’t act like you have no idea. Wanna look’t you all the time.” Eddie spoke in a hushed voice, inching closer to Steve. He couldn’t control his words, everything he had ever thought was about to come out, if what he confessed wasn’t enough already. The logical, more sober part of him wanted to slap a hand over his mouth and run away, but the words wouldn’t stop coming. He could see Steve’s face contort in embarrassment, but he wanted to keep telling him how he was feeling.

“Maybe you’re right, Steve. Think’m a bit too drunk. I didn't mean to ruin your night.” Eddie said, feeling a wave of sadness over his honesty. Steve was having so much fun, he was so excited to attend an end-of-year party, but Eddie was certain he had ruined it.

“You didn’t… ruin anything.” he paused to collect himself, unaware of what he was feeling. “Let’s get you home, okay?”

“See, I ruined it! Makin’ us go home ‘cause I couldn’t even take care of myself. Drank too much and talked too much, didn’t even get’a dance.” he leaned his head on Steve’s shoulder. “Will you dance with me, Steve?” Eddie said, attempting to lace his fingers with Steve’s.

He pulled away without a second thought, not wanting judgemental eyes to fall on them. “‘Maybe later. I gotta get you home first.” He said, wrapping an arm around Eddie’s waist and turning him in the opposite direction of the party. It was short-lived, but he had fun. He’d rather Eddie be safe in his dorm than nearly blackout drunk at a party he already didn’t enjoy being at. Steve wondered if it was a good idea at all to have brought it up.

Where the walk to the springs was normal, the walk home was anything but. No matter how many times Steve tried to keep his arm tightly laced around the stumbling Eddie, he always found a method of slipping away when something caught his eye.
“Look, Steve, a shiny rock!”;
“Those stars are so pretty, don’tcha think?”.
All Steve did was nod along and try to remember the way back to campus. He had never gotten this far before, and he took a few wrong turns, extending their journey by an additional twenty minutes. He felt his head start to ache; not from alcohol or ringing ears, but the frustration of trying to take care of someone who was so out of it. When they eventually made it to Eddie’s floor, Steve lost his patience after trying to wrangle him into staying calm and still.

“Can you stop?! Just listen to me, Eddie! I know that’s hard when you’re this goddamn plastered, but can you fucking try?!”. Steve tried to keep his anger to a minimum, but his voice raised near the end of his command. It was a bit after midnight, and he was sure somebody would eventually come out to complain if he didn’t wrap it up soon. He noticed Eddie’s eyes soften with sadness, his happy, hare-brained mood completely shutting down.

“M’sorry. I’m such an idiot.”
Steve didn’t respond.

“You…mad at me, Steve?” he said slowly, almost childlike.

“Let’s get you inside. Do you have your keys on you?” he ignored the question, patting Eddie’s pockets for the dorm key.

“Aw, y’r mad, aren’t you?” Eddie wanted to cry as Steve searched through his pockets and eventually finding the keys.

He hadn’t been this drunk in years, and the one time he let go, everything came crashing down. Steve wouldn’t confirm or deny whether or not he was upset, he wasn’t even responding anymore. As soon as he got the ring of keys stuffed deep in Eddie’s back pocket, he was silent. He opened the door and helped him inside, taking off his flannel button-up and tossing it on the floor with the rest of the clutter. Thankfully, for whatever reason, Eddie’s roommate wasn’t there. Maybe she was just coming home from a late night lecture, maybe she was just another body in the crowd, Steve didn’t know. He was just glad nobody but him had to see Eddie like this— even if he was annoyed, he didn’t think anybody deserved to be humiliated when they were so vulnerable.

Eddie tugged his shoes off and tossed them against the thin walls, socks shortly following. He went to take off his jeans before Steve suggested he turn around, which made him giggle. While he had his eyes on the blank, white wall, Eddie tugged off the right denim and rummaged through a small dresser at the end of his bed that contained all of his clothes. He eventually found some dark sweatpants, a much better option of pajamas than jeans. Every piece of discarded clothing was tossed somewhere across the carpeted floor, but he was too drunk to care. He climbed into bed and told Steve it was okay to turn around.

He continued his silence, fighting a smile at how comfortable Eddie looked curled up on his bed. He tried to stay in the moment, but his mind kept drifting away to what Eddie said.

“Don’t act like you don’t know, Steve. You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous, I dunno how no one hasn’t snatched you up yet.”

Again, a flutter. What was happening to him? He didn’t have time to think about it anymore when Eddie called for him.

“Steve? Y’gonna come to bed?” he asked.

“…This isn’t my dorm, Eddie. I have
lectures tomorrow.” his silence was broken.

“I know it’s not, just want you to stay.” Eddie nearly pleaded, “Please stay. Want you to stay.” another flutter.

Without another word, Steve sighed and took off his own socks and shoes, placing them neatly at the door compared to Eddie’s chaotic methods of discarding his clothes. He was annoyed that he had to sleep in jeans, but he wasn’t going to raid Eddie’s dresser without asking.

“Can I have a pillow?”

“Hmm?” Eddie questioned.

“A pillow… for the floor?”

“Whuh— no! You sleep here. May be an idiot but m’not an asshole.” he patted the bed firmly with his palm, looking at Steve with desperate eyes.

“You want me to sleep with you? But the bed’s so small… I can just take your roommate’s—“

“No!” Eddie’s voice raised, making Steve jump. “Sorry, just want you close. S’that okay? To… want that?” he really wasn’t sure, so he asked.

Steve was a few steps away from exploding, and not in a bad way. He wanted to curl up in a ball just like Eddie was and squeal, and he didn’t understand why. Without protest or even a sigh, he rolled his neck and shoulders and got in bed beside the one person who had made his heart feel something deeper than a normal friendship in years.

The two laid in silence with Eddie still curled up in a ball, but with his back against the wall to make space for Steve’s body. Somewhere along the way, he had grabbed a small pillow and held it tightly to his chest, nuzzling into it like he wished it was a person instead. Every time he looked over to check on him, that feeling hit Steve’s chest like a ton of bricks. He didn’t know what to do, so he just looked at something, anything but Eddie.

Sighing, Steve decided to ask the question that had been on his mind for the last hour.

“Did you really mean that? I mean— what you said about me being beautiful?”;

Eddie’s only answer was soft snores as he held the small pillow tight to his chest.

Another sigh.

Chapter Text

By the time the sun came up, Steve was gone. Eddie woke up with a pounding headache, a patch of dried drool on his pillow and a note laying in the crease left in his bed. It read For Eddie on the front in thick, black marker and was folded in half. Upon opening it, two ibuprofen pills fell out beside him and beneath them was a short note.

“Dear Eddie,

Is it weird to start a note like that? I’m not sure. Sorry I raided your cupboards, I was looking for meds to help your ineve—“ the word was scratched out. “Inevitable hangover. I don’t know if you remember what you said, you were pretty drunk. I’ll be studying all day, so I probably won’t come over.

Take it easy today, okay? Don’t worry about me either.

I hope you’ll feel better soon,

Steve.”

Rubbing his eyes and becoming more aware of his surroundings, Eddie noticed his roommate was just about to leave and had already made a pot of coffee.

“Have a good day.” he said with a grovel in his voice.

“Yeah, you too. Clean up your shit when you’re not hungover, please.” Eddie cocked a brow at this, unsure of what she was talking about. She left before he could ask and left him to his own accord. Blinking firmly for the final time, Eddie realized just how much of a mess he had made while he was drunk. It was fuzzy, but he remembered tossing off his shoes and pants, but it was worse than he imagined.

He hadn’t noticed, but in an attempt to change his pants the night before, he had pulled out an additional two pairs in the process of picking out just one. His dirty shoes were thrown against the wall, leaving scuff marks and balled up socks nearby. His eyes widened every time his gaze fell upon a different part of the dorm, realizing just how messy it was. He couldn’t believe himself, but at the same time, he could. He was always a lightweight and he knew it, but he chose to drink anyway. He just wanted a few confidence shots, but he got carried away and ended up ruining Steve’s night from what he could remember.

Grabbing the pills and getting up, Eddie stretched his back and wiped whatever wetness remained on the corner of his mouth. He checked himself out in the mirror mounted on the wall near the front door and pulled a face of disgust.

“Christ, I look awful.” he said, pulling at his droopy eyes and unsuccessfully running his fingers through his tangled hair. How was he this much of a mess after just a few drinks? It was beyond him; what he really wondered was what Steve meant in the note he left, and why was there a dent in his bed? He expected to remember more, but the entire night was a burned piece of film. Most of it melted away with time, leaving only bits and pieces he could recall. He remembered the walk to the party and some of the walk home, the initial drinking and… that was it. What did he say that was so stupid or wrong that Steve needed to mention it?

He spent the next few minutes cleaning up the mess scattered across the floor, tossing it into their appropriate places and making his bed. If you can’t make yourself feel better, why not make your space look better? After the dorm was mostly clean, Eddie washed up, took the ibuprofen left by Steve and decided to skip all of his lectures. There was no way he’d be able to focus when he felt like the human equivalent of a garbage bag secreting muck with every step. Since there wasn’t much to do in a cramped living space, Eddie decided to leave.

He laced up a different pair of shoes than last time and changed into a thick, overpriced college logo pullover along with a pair of gray sweatpants; he couldn’t be bothered to actually try. Winking at himself in the mirror, Eddie set off to take the day to himself and recover from his aching head and bones. He didn’t have any particular place in mind, he just needed some fresh air.

He walked around campus for a few minutes before sticking his hands into his pockets, realizing there was a $10 bill in one of them. Since it was a particularly warm day in Indiana, Eddie decided to go to the nearest convenience store and buy a slushee. Whatever change was remaining would go into his savings, he wasn’t made of money. He kept his head down as usual and was kind to the middle-aged, balding cashier who rang him up. He decided to get half cherry, half blue raspberry; with so many flavors, he couldn’t pick just one. It was so delicious, in fact, that he drank most of it on the walk back to campus— leaving a thick clump of tasteless icy mush at the bottom of the jumbo cup.

He walked around the grassy campus for a few more minutes, chewing on the end of the plastic straw and watching students go by. Some were talking with friends, others had stressed looks on their faces as they rushed to or from lectures. Eddie enjoyed seeing people living their lives and making up stories as they passed. As he walked around and looked for a recycling bin to throw his slushee cup away, Eddie noticed a familiar pair of shoes sitting on a nearby bench. When he turned his head to confirm his suspicions, he felt a strange tug on his heart.

“Steve…? I thought you had to study.” he approached, noticing he was simply sitting there empty-handed.

“Oh, uh… yeah, just taking a break. You know how hard my work can be.”

“I don’t see a textbook or a pen.” he cocked a brow, sensing Steve’s obvious deception, even if he was gullible.

Steve gulped and looked around cautiously. “Yeah, haha! It’s um… it’s back at my dorm.”

“The dorm that’s a twenty minute walk from here? Why’d you walk this far just for a break?” Eddie genuinely questioned, crossing his arms in opposition.

“Why are you on my case all of a sudden, Eddie? Why does it matter what I do or don’t do on my own time?” Steve followed suit in being closed off, folding his own arms and replacing his nerves with an abrupt annoyance.

“You can do what you want, but why lie? Your note said you’d be studying, but you’re not. Why aren’t you upfront? You just didn’t want to hang out with me today, and your stubborn ass isn’t telling me why!” he raised his voice, earning a few stares from passing students as the tension grew.

“Can you keep it down? Jesus!” Steve whispered sharply, looking up at Eddie with a harsh brow from where he was sitting.

“Oh, so you can do what you want, but I can’t? What’s your problem?” Eddie’s voice only got louder, increasing the staring and making Steve feel cornered. Rather than explain himself, he decided to fight back if that was what Eddie wanted to do.

“My problem? Worry about, oh, I don't know, controlling how much you drink.” Steve’s harsh words came out of nowhere and hit Eddie right where it hurt.

“…What did you just say? Why don’t we backtrack for a second, Steve?” Eddie said, inhaling sharply and staring daggers at the man who he once perceived in adoration. “Who was the one who begged me to go in the first place knowing I fucking hate parties? Who was the one who was dancing in the crowd for an hour and didn’t think to check up on the guy he calls a friend, huh? Let me give you a hint: it wasn’t me. I’ll admit I shouldn’t have drank that much, but let’s not push all the blame on me. I don’t even remember what happened.”

“You can’t even remember what you said…” Steve’s oppositional demeanor faded while Eddie spoke, shrinking him down into a scared man afraid of the truth.

“No, Steve, I don’t. I probably didn’t even mean it, I was drunk for fuck’s sake! What did I say that was so bad when I don’t even remember it?” Eddie’s tone shifted when he saw Steve sink inside of himself, eyes going glossy.

“It wasn’t bad, you just…” he froze. His mouth wouldn’t say what he was thinking, and an awkward silence filled the space between them.

“I just what, huh?” he asked, followed by silence. “Just what, Steve?” he asked again with more desperation. If what he said wasn’t bad, why did it affect him so intensely? He wouldn’t know as Steve continued his silence, getting up and walking away without another word.

“What the hell, man? You’re just gonna get mad at me and then leave without saying anything?” Eddie reached out to grab Steve’s hand. Even if he was frustrated, he didn’t want him to leave. Even at his worst, he always wanted to be around him.

Yanking his hand away, Steve didn’t bother to look back. “Don’t.” he said, walking away without comment for the final time.

Eddie didn’t know what to say, or even think for that matter. Steve was so upset to the point that he blatantly lied in the letter that once warmed his heart. He didn’t have to study like he said, he was spending his day alone, completely free of any burdens or work. Yet, still, Eddie had no idea what it was that he said that made Steve feel compelled to lie. There was no way to ask when they were now walking in separate directions, one with tears in their eyes and the other with a heavy heart. Crossing his arms around himself and squeezing firmly, Eddie felt the tightest and most loving hug he had ever been given. People were already staring and looking with judgment in their eyes, what was one more odd act in a desperate attempt to soothe the pain he was feeling?

A few steps and an elevator ride to his dorm room, and once again, he was hit with a wave of sadness. When he was alone, he had the ability to be completely vulnerable. There was no one to judge or point or laugh if he cried, so he let himself break. He tried his best to not slam the door, but even restraint couldn’t stop the force of his negative emotions. It closed with a bang and one of his neighbors banged back, yelling at him to keep it down. They didn’t know what he had just been through, but he was met with hostility anyway. Not being able to keep it in anymore, Eddie snapped.

“You shut the fuck up! Mind your goddamn business!” he yelled before locking the door, just in case they decided to escalate it further. His heart was pounding in anger, fear and most importantly, sadness. There was so much going on internally, he felt like a tornado was spinning around at top speeds in his mind. What did he do to deserve this, why was Steve lying, and why was he so mean? What would his absence mean for their friendship, were they even friends anymore? All of these thoughts festered, and like a child, Eddie walked over to and slid down his bed, tucking his knees tightly into his chest.

He dropped his head down and covered himself with his arms, almost sheltering himself from the world. The last time he had cried was when Steve was there to save the day and make him feel better, but he knew that wasn’t happening now. He knew that their friendship would never be the same after this if Steve decided to stick around. These realizations only made the tears spill quicker, flowing down his warm cheeks like a storm unleashing on a small town. He had a lump in his throat that just wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he swallowed, trying to cough it away. Some tears dripped into his mouth, filling it with a salty taste that was almost comforting in a time of pain.

Looking up from behind his arms, Eddie saw only one thing: the unfinished portrait of Steve sitting on the easel, staring at him proudly from his place on the canvas. He tensed at the sight, wondering if he could stand looking at his face for the next week before the school year was over.

Maybe he would make a few changes when he decided to work on it again.

Chapter Text

The final week of college was supposed to be a time of celebration and frantically trying to finish projects; congratulating yourself for all of the stress and emotional burdens you put yourself through for nearly an entire year. For Eddie and Steve, there was no room for celebration for more than one reason.

Since their argument a few days prior, they hadn’t spoken. Eddie was holed up in his dorm, only leaving to attend useless lectures to pass time or pick up food when he ran out. He was becoming a prisoner in a room he could leave at any time, and he didn’t know what to do about it. Even his roommate who was always in her own world and paying him no mind noticed these behaviors. She had to tell him to get out of bed rather than allowing himself to do so eventually, knowing that he never would. He was wasting away, all because of a silly argument. He felt rotten inside, his organs becoming decaying fruits that you could squeeze in a tight fist and everything would come spilling out. The longer he spent alone with his thoughts, the worse it got. The portrait that was due in two days sat idly on the easel, Steve’s oil painted eyes staring back at him. Every time he looked, the expression was different depending on how he thought Steve may be feeling. It wasn’t good for him, but there was no one to pull him out of rock bottom anymore.

As for Steve, he wasn’t doing good either. For the first time in weeks, he cried. He made the mistake of not being honest, and he was paying greatly for it. What was he supposed to do when he felt so strongly and had no idea if Eddie would feel the same? He wasn’t quite sure what was going on internally, but he recognized the way his stomach jumped and his eyes lingered for just a bit too long, his heart skipping beats whenever he saw Eddie. Was it love or something else? He didn’t dare say that word aloud unless he was absolutely sure, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to be when Eddie was a man.

He’d had relationships with old male friends where he felt similar to now, but never to such an intense degree. Even though he was the one who pushed him away, Steve missed Eddie for every second he was gone. He wondered where he would be or what he was doing when he crossed his mind, he wanted to know. He had Eddie’s phone number, but his hands wouldn’t move to press the buttons and his mouth couldn’t speak the things he was thinking. He was almost paralyzed with dread in Eddie’s absence, and he felt embarrassed. They weren’t together, Steve hadn’t even considered the possibility, but he still felt so lost and alone even after such a short time away. How could he make it right when he wanted to apologize but he physically couldn’t? How could he be honest when his heart nearly burst at the mere thought of saying the words “I need you”?

In the days that had passed since their argument, Robin got an earful of Steve’s angst. She nearly ripped her hair out because of the stress of experiencing something so upsetting that wasn’t even her problem.

“Steve, I really don’t know how many more times I can tell you to just talk to him before you actually do it. I love you, but I have things to do and a life to live, I can’t be your best friend and your therapist.” she said with her house phone tucked tightly in the crook of her neck as she painted her fingernails a new coat of black.

“I know, but—“ Steve protested.

“You say you know, but you’re not doing anything about it. You can only do so much moping before you get off your butt and do something, Steve.”

“…But what if I don’t want to?” he huffed, hunching forward onto his desk.

“What do you mean you don’t want to? You’ve been ranting to me about him for days, and you’re telling me you don’t want to reconcile?” Robin cocked a brow, though Steve couldn’t see.

“I don’t know, Robin. It’s like— imagine you with a girl. I’ll use Tammy Thompson as an example.” was what he led with.

“…Okay?”

“You probably had a crush on Tammy before you knew what the word lesbian even meant, right? You knew what you were feeling, but that was it. You never talked to her because you felt like she might hate you for it, or maybe if you did then everything would come spilling out, or maybe she was just better off without you. You thought that maybe…” he paused. “Maybe her life would be better if you just weren’t in it. Maybe you need to sort your shit out before you even attempt to tell Tammy how you feel because you’re not even sure what you’re feeling yourself.”

“…Robin?” he asked, looking for her comforting voice in the empty space that made his ears ring.

“I know how you feel.” was all she could muster up. She knew the feeling so well. The same fear Steve was holding inside of his heart was what she felt when she came out to him in Starcourt Mall. There was so much uncertainty in such a cramped space, literally and metaphorically, but she couldn’t hold it in anymore. No more lies, to be honest with others is to be honest with yourself.

Steve didn’t know what to say. How could she know how he was feeling when he wasn’t sure himself? How could an embarrassing rant about crushes make sense to someone in the way it made sense to her? He didn’t want to acknowledge what he confessed, so he didn’t.

“I love you, Robin.” was all he could say, feeling tears well up in his eyes for the nth time that week.

“I love you too.” she sighed. “Take it easy okay? I don’t need you coming back all sad when the year ends.”

“I’ll try… Do you have to go now?” he asked.”

“Unfortunately, but for good reason! I’m, and get this, going out.”

“What the hell? Robin ‘hates social interaction’ Buckley is going out? Why?” Steve’s mood brightened for a moment, excited to know what the cause for Robin’s adventure was.

“Um… Nancy actually invited me to come to this new pop-up food truck. It’s weird, but rather than burgers or something, you get ice cream! A sweet treat to cool the heat, right?” she tried to act playful to take the attention off of why she had to leave.

“Oh, you’re ditching me to hang with Nance? Tell her I said hi.” Steve asked, feeling a smile tug on his lips for the first time in a while.

“I guess I am! I’ll tell her in about five minutes, ‘cause she’ll be here any minute now.”

“Alright… I guess I’ll go back to moping then.” whatever remnant of joy left inside of Steve faded, knowing he’d be left alone with himself. He was angry at himself for so many reasons: he couldn’t admit how he felt, he couldn’t say sorry, and he was being a coward.

He hung up the phone without another word, putting his head in his hands and sighing heavily. Robin didn’t even get to say goodbye, but he was too upset. If he kept talking, his voice would quiver and she’d ask questions— he didn’t want to ruin her night. Steve was at a difficult moment in his life, he didn’t want to feel like he was burdening anyone, but that’s all his mind seemed to tell him. After the way he treated Eddie, shutting him out and leaving without an explanation, he truly believed he was the douchebag Eddie had assumed him to be when they were officially introduced in the spring of 1986. He didn’t know what to do or how to fix it, he was stuck in emotional limbo; a thin line between stable and unstable, one strong push and he would fall into either without a second thought.

There wasn’t much to do all alone in Steve’s dorm when he was feeling this way. It was too cramped, too much of a reminder that his life was a mess. He got up and threw on a jacket, swiping his wallet from the tiny windowsill and leaving the room as fast as he could. He had no plan and no idea where he would go, but he needed a break to clear his head of all of the things that were troubling him. He didn’t want to think about Robin or Eddie or any upcoming notes he’d need to study for his final exam the next day, he wanted total mental silence. If a short drive around the city would help him, he’d do it.

He took in the fresh, warm air on his walk to the parking lot, remembering that the world was a lot less gloomy than his dorm made it seem. His spirits were lifted, but he still had a bad feeling in his stomach even when he simply thought about approaching Eddie ever again. Rubbing the space between his eyes, Steve finally made it to his car. He took a deep breath and looked around, allowing himself to go wherever he felt compelled to.

Steve was still getting used to not having a lot of money. Before college, he didn’t have to worry about the number at the bottom of the cheque, he’d just sign off or hand whatever employee a few green bills. Now, he had to be careful. He was grateful that he didn’t have to work for his entire college education, but he was still left grasping for pennies. He couldn’t splurge on things he didn’t need anymore, he had to make conscious decisions of what to buy and when to buy it. He looked in his wallet at a red light, and found to only have $8.27 readily available. It wasn’t much, but he could buy a few things if he went to a dollar store or something similar. He didn’t have a preference; whatever was closest, he was going for.

He eventually parked in front of a convenience store a few blocks away from campus. Even though he had been there a few times, he had to stop himself from saying “How convenient!”, forcing back a smile at such a low-hanging fruit. The cashier at the checkout was an old woman with smile lines denting her skin, her graying-brown hair pulled loosely into a bun on the back of her neck, Steve assumed she was the owner’s wife. The only person he had ever seen in the store other than himself in a reflection was an old man. He had a thick mustache and sunken, big eyes to match his large nose. He wasn’t much for conversation, not even making small talk when Steve was being rung up. The woman greeted him quietly at the door and turned her attention back to the reader’s digest magazine she was holding. While he was still everything but okay, the little things around him were a reminder that life goes on. People still work, classes are still held, the world doesn’t stop when things come crashing down. He didn’t know what to buy while he was there, especially with a low budget, so he decided to do some odd browsing here and there.

The store itself was a small one, but it was well-kept. The buzzing of the fluorescent lights above him caught his attention, yet another thing for his mind to acknowledge and overwhelm him with. So much for mental silence. Cursing under his breath, the woman at the front asked if anything was wrong to which he quickly reassured her. There were long, metal shelves lined up against the wall filled with plastic toys and expired canned goods. Steve guessed that they didn’t think to check the shelves when they were already tidy and not enough people came in every day to care about things like that. Seeing all of the little knick-knacks that would go unused, food that would go uneaten and books in a box in the corner that would go unread made his heart sink. It was silly that he could see himself in such small things, but that’s how he saw himself in that moment: small, useless, forgettable. Maybe he wanted to be forgotten, maybe then everyone would be happier.

Trying to shake the negative thoughts from his mind, Steve walked to the opposite side of the store and inspected more dusty shelves. There, he saw something that made him want to both smile and cry. Stacks of post-it notes in all different colors: baby blue, highlighter yellow, bright green and, most importantly, pink. He thought back to all of those weeks ago, all of the catching up with Eddie and how he made a home out of a man in just a short while. He had no real use for them with the school year ending, but for sincerity’s sake, he grabbed the pink stack off the shelf anyway. He wanted something that would remind him of Eddie; his mind was already made up.

He browsed for a few more minutes before deciding that he didn’t need much else. As he approached the checkout, he noticed two things. First, a row of candy bars that was definitely strategically placed to fish for last-minute impulse buys, and he was falling right into the trap. He grabbed a chocolate-biscuit combo bar from the shelf and leaned to the side past the old woman’s head. Small, red compartments were lined up against the wall. Above them read a sign in bold, black writing.

“SURGEON’S GENERAL WARNING: Smoking causes lung cancer, heart, disease, emphysema and may complicate pregnancy.”

Sighing, Steve put the stack of post-it notes and candy bar on the counter.
“Can I get some Newports, too?” he asked, making the old woman cock a brow as she scanned his items.

“You sure? Menthols are worse for ya’. You’re just a kid, you shouldn’t even be smokin’ in the first place.” she advised, to which he tried not to roll his eyes. Just give me the damn cigarettes, lady, he thought.

“I appreciate the concern and all, but can you just grab them for me? King pack, please.” she wasn’t going to refuse a customer when the store was so empty, but she had a visible grimace. She knew she couldn’t help someone who wasn’t willing to help himself.

The old woman lifted up the metal sheet and grabbed a large pack of Newport cigarettes from the compartment and rang it up, tossing it in the plastic bag behind the counter.

“That’ll be $4.81.” she said blankly, looking between him and her magazine.

Fishing the money from his wallet, the two made an exchange. She got the money, he got his bag. He walked out of the store with a final nod to the woman and a sigh of relief that the sound of the buzzing lights had stopped. Steve wasn’t sure why he had bought a pack of cigarettes; he was a social smoker, never really going out of his way to do it alone. There was just something calling out to him, a feeling that maybe he deserved to suffer. He couldn’t shake the idea that he was the bad guy everyone always made him out to be— King Steve, the jock asshole who nobody but his friends and a few girls really like. With Eddie pulling away after their argument, he wondered if he was planning on leaving completely. He wondered if it would hurt less if he did it first.

Just then, an idea popped into his head. Rummaging through the glovebox in his janky car, Steve squinted and looked for a pen. The best he could find was a broken pencil with a short tip, but it would work. He ripped open the stack of post-it notes and decided he would write Eddie a short letter, leaving before he had the chance to talk face-to-face; the idea still nauseated him. He rooted around in the plastic bag beside him, tearing open the king pack of Newports. He lit one up with a lighter he found in the glovebox and took a deep inhale. A disgusting yet familiar taste filled his mouth. As he blew away all the smoke from his lungs, he could feel himself growing calmer.

The drive back to school and the eventual stride across the actual campus was a short one, and he wanted to bask in the sun before he inevitably had to go inside for lectures later in the day. Before going to his dorm, he decided to pay Eddie’s a visit just as he planned. He had written his letter, however short, on the post-it notes and that’s where it would end. He made his way into Eddie’s dorm building, taking his time by using the stairs. He had a weird feeling inside the closet he got to room 140-B. It was bittersweet, definitely not a goodbye, but more of a permission to leave.

He didn’t want to knock, deciding to stick the notes to the door instead.

“Dear Eddie,

I guess that’s how I start notes now. I don’t really know what to say other than I’m sorry. I was being a total douche and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore.” The next note. “You’re such a great guy and I guess I took that for granted. I really hope you don’t hate me, but I wouldn’t call you unreasonable for that.” The final note. “Just know you didn’t deserve how I treated you. I need to sort some things out, but I hope we can still be friends? I don’t know, we’ll see what the future holds.

With—” the word “love” was barely visible under the graphite that scratched it out. “care,

Steve.”

He looked back at the notes for a final time before looking up at the bland ceilings and repetitive doors, rough carpeting and inefficient elevators. Even though his dorm building looked just like his own, he’d miss it.

Chapter Text

The days seemed longer than usual when you had nothing to do. Two weeks had passed since the school year ended, and a lot of things happened before everything slowed down.

Eddie didn’t see the notes on his door until the next day, he was far too busy wallowing in his own pity and woefully staring out the window. His departure from the dorm was only because he had to submit his final assignment to his professor. He grew tired of staring Steve’s painted face in the eyes and decided to bring it to a close, leaving an impressionistic look to it. He sat on the same squeaky stool and flicked the brush across the canvas, accidentally drinking the mix of soapy water and degraded paint from the cup he used more than once.

Streaking different shades of greens and blues and pinks across the canvas, colors you wouldn’t imagine to look good together placed beautifully to build form. The lower he got on the canvas, the less he started to add consistent strokes. Nobody would look too closely at the bottom, and there was no time to waste. He painted the background a soft pink and shaded accordingly, blending the colors with one of his brushes and adding highlights when he was finished. It had taken a few hours and a lot of groaning about back pain to his roommate, but he got it done. He took a step back and framed the canvas with his fingers, feeling like something was missing.

“What do you think about this painting? Do you think there’s something I can add to make it, I dunno— pop?” he asked her. She had her face in a book, soaking up the last few days of peace before the year was over.

“Um… I guess? Maybe you can add a color that’s darker than the rest. There’s a lot of pink and blue, if you want that pop, you need contrast.” she said, sighing and closed her book. “What even happened with you and that guy anyway? What was his name again, Stan?” she asked.

“Steve.”

“…Okay? So, what happened to Steve?”

“He was my friend, but then he was a dick.”

“Typical guy shit.” she said with sympathy in her voice.

“Yeah, typical guy shit.” Eddie’s expression fell. He was already exhausted from working, but now he had to be reminded of the way he was treated days prior. He still held a sort of fondness for Steve, he knew that much, but he was still so frustrated. He didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

Sitting down on the squeaky stool again, Eddie took a half-empty tube of black paint and squeezed a glob into his palm. He evened it out with a brush and smushed it right onto the middle of the canvas. The layer of paint was thin so Steve’s features were still visible, but the handprint made a large difference in the message of the painting. He cleaned himself off with a small towel laying on the floor. Stepping back, he realized how much better it looked with such a small yet meaningful change. Turning around the canvas again, Eddie looked between it and his roommate for a reaction. A small smile broke out on her face.

“Much better.”
“You think so?”

“Definitely.” she said, stretching her back before turning back to her book.

It took the rest of the day before all of Eddie’s hard work had dried, he just decided to put his canvas in the empty lecture hall for the rest of the night to dry. When critique time came, he could grab it from the corner. Not the most effective method, but there was no harm in it. That’s when he saw it, the two pink post-it notes stuck to his door. The last one had fallen to the floor, so he had to re-read them a few times to understand what it was exactly that Steve was trying to say.

His heart ached, he didn’t know what he was feeling. It was a mix of anger and sadness and care, he was a whirlwind of emotion, not expecting such a small thing to affect him or even appear in the first place. He didn’t want to go down to the lecture hall anymore, he wanted to crawl back into bed and never come out from the protection of his blankets. It was like his entire life was surrounded by one person. The thoughts, the canvas, the notes. Steve Harrington was one of the few constants in Eddie’s life, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

He ended up going to the lecture hall and taking a half hour to himself in the empty space. Sure, his roommate was nice, but he couldn’t be 100% authentically himself when she was there. Their friendship (or lack thereof) wasn’t like how it was when he was with Steve. He could make random, weird noises without judgment, speak his thoughts without a raised brow or nervous laugh. He could be himself around Steve. Even though his heart grew lonely without his presence, he was unsure about what to do. He was somewhat of a “never forgive, never forget” type of person. If he let Steve back into his life, what would that look like, especially if they were to argue again? Would it just be a loop of great times and anger, over and over until they decided to let each other go for good? He wasn’t sure.

That was the worst part, he wasn’t sure about anything. About himself, who and what he wanted to be, how he felt about Steve. Being alone with his thoughts wasn’t helping, so he decided to go back home. Leaving the canvas in the empty lecture hall, he walked back to his shared dorm and debated on whether or not to call Steve. He had his number, why not? Not responding to the frankly heartfelt message would establish one thing, he didn’t want to be around him anymore— but he wasn’t sure if that was true. Even if he was dreading it, being away from him and continuing this battle of petty silence wasn’t what he wanted.

Eddie eventually made his way back to the dorm, out of breath and nervous about being seen. It was a hard habit to break, but he was trying. His roommate had since left for her night classes, and he sighed in relief. On his walk back, Eddie decided it would be best to give Steve a call even if he didn’t want to. He stretched out his back and pulled his hair into a low bun, pressing the keypad as he went over Steve’s phone number in his head.

It rang for a moment.

“…Hello? Who the hell’s calling this late?” God, I’ve missed that voice.

“Steve. It’s me— it’s… it’s Eddie. I got your note.” he felt a pressure in his chest like he was being crushed under a boulder.

“Eddie? Is it really you?” Steve asked, fighting a smile from across the line.

“Yeah, it is. I got tired of being mad at you.” he tried to joke, but heard no laughter on Steve’s end.

“I really am sorry. I— I messed up, okay? I did. I just don’t want you to hate me.” any light Eddie tried to make of the situation was for naught, He realized he’d be having a long, serious conversation he wasn’t quite ready for.

“It’s okay. I just didn’t know what got into you. I was worried, but I guess that came out wrong.”

“No, don’t take the blame. There’s just a lot of shit going on internally right now and I took it out on you. Totally not cool, I was being a douche.”

“That you were, Steven… but I forgive you. Just don’t do it again, okay?” Eddie asked, leaning his head against the wall. “You know you can talk to me if there’s something going on with you too, right?”

A sigh could be heard from the other side.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve just never been super open with anyone except for Robin. Even now, I’m struggling to talk to her about it. It’s not you, it’s just me being an idiot as always.”

“Stop that shit, you’re not an idiot. Things just happen, man. There’s some things I’ve never even told Wayne. Sometimes it takes a while to be honest, right? It just matters that you get it out eventually ‘cause you don’t want to be pushing people away. That’s when shit gets really hard.” Eddie couldn’t help but feel bad for Steve. He was still upset over their argument, but he understood where it was all coming from. It didn’t excuse what had happened, but there was a reason for his hostility.

“I didn’t want to push you away. I guess I was just telling myself you’d be better off without me.” Steve confessed, a choked sound coming out of his throat.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me, dude. My life has gotten a lot better with you in it. Promise.” Eddie smiled even though no one could see, feeling that familiar thump in his chest. He hurt for Steve, but there was a special kind of fondness for him beneath that hurt. It was strange, and he wondered what the future may look like if he paid closer attention to them.

Silence followed for about a minute or so, leaving Eddie feeling exposed.
“…Steve?” he questioned, looking for a voice in the silence.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m here. Just thinking.”
“About what?”

“I dunno, I’m just glad you don’t think I’m a douchebag anymore.”

“You’re lucky I’ve evolved, Harrington. Old Eddie wouldn’t have given your ass a second chance…” he paused. “Even if I missed you.”

“Thanks, new Eddie Munson. You’re a pretty great guy.” Steve confessed, sighing into the phone.

“Just take it easy, ‘kay? There’s only a few more days before we go back home. It’s just packing from here, right?”

“Right. I’ve been so stressed, I haven’t gotten to put anything away.”

“There’s free boxes behind Rosco’s if you need any. Don’t tell anyone about it though, I don’t need people stealing my stash.”

“Noted.” he said.

There were a few moments of silence between them. Not an awkward silence, but the type where you’re comfortably sitting in each other’s presence. It had only been a few days since their falling out, but it was like that separation was too much. They needed each other once they saw what was below the surface. It wasn’t just a matter of casual hangouts anymore, they were connected in a way they couldn’t explain, or didn’t want to for the sake of admitting something they weren’t ready for.

“It’s late, you should be getting to bed,” Eddie said. “You’ve got a lot of responsible student things to do in the morning.”

“I’m so exhausted, I don’t even want to go to my final classes.”

“Well, you have to. I’m not one for rules, but I don’t want you getting in trouble,” he paused. “I’m the rebellious one. Don’t try to steal my spotlight, Harrington.”

Steve laughed, rolling his eyes at Eddie’s extravagance. “Fine, I’ll follow the rules. Just this once.”

“Good, let’s keep it that way ‘till we can let loose for summer.”

“So that’s your way of saying goodbye? You’re shooing me away ‘till summer?” Steve jokingly asked.

“Hey, it’s not like I want to! I’m just being a wonderful and amazing friend trying to guide you in the right direction. I’m being helpful. But yes, I am shooing you away.”

Steve couldn’t even be annoyed at his charm, trying not to laugh at the idea of Eddie twirling his hair as he spoke or flashing a big smile if he were in front of him.

“Goodnight, Eddie,” he said. “Talk later?”

“Yeah, talk later. Goodnight.” and then he hung up.

Even though he agreed to go to sleep after their phone call, Steve couldn’t help but stay awake. He had been forgiven, the weight in his heart dissolving with time. He wondered if Eddie felt the same, if it hurt him more or less than he said it did. What would their friendship look like from now on? Would they get closer or drift after the dust had settled? He didn’t know, and that was the scary part. He wanted to be around Eddie, to be beside him and share their most vulnerable moments together.

These things would take time and much more energy into their bond than he could give in the moment, so he tried his best not to think about the boy who took up so much space in his mind. He flipped over on his bed to face the wall and held a lonely pillow against his chest. Digging his nose in the soft fabric, Steve hoped one day it would smell like Eddie.

Chapter Text

Summer break was not going how Steve wanted, not even close. After all of his hard work and departures and notes being thrown away as a final goodbye until the next year, he expected to feel rewarded. He drove home with a smile on his face, windows down with music blaring, taking in that fresh summer air.

It seemed like things were turning around for the first time since the start of the year. His friendship with Eddie was rekindled, he didn’t have anything to do for three and-a-half months. It was going great… until it wasn’t.

Steve’s first day back was the expected routine for the most part, and then it got worse. After a long drive and a lot of honking at other cars that were on their own ways home, he stopped at the Buckley’s house. He didn’t feel like seeing his parents first, he needed to deflate and finally be able to hug Robin after all of those months apart.

Knocking on the door, Steve was quickly met with a woman who was not Robin, but he knew who she was anyway. He didn’t just know of her, he had heard stories and rants about her for years. Melissa Buckley, a little weird, but he guessed that’s where Robin got it from. She was tall and slender, wavy brunette hair with a white streak flowing down the side; he thought it looked like a river. She had crow’s feet and a kind smile, a blue caftan that complemented her eyes of the same color. Chunky necklaces and rings adorned her body, the multi-colored gems clacking as she pulled him in close.

“Steve! It’s been so long, honey!” she exclaimed, holding tightly onto his body. “Robin’s going to be so excited to see you, she’s just up in her room… as always.” she said with an annoyed look. He sighed into her embrace, it had been so long since somebody went out of their way to make him feel wanted.

“It’s good to see you too Mrs. Buckley,” he paused, pulling away from the hug with a small smile. “I should probably go surprise her then, right?”

“Oh, absolutely! I was actually just starting up dinner, I can fix you a plate unless you have plans with your parents.” she offered, making his heart sink at the idea of going home.

“No, it’s okay. They actually don’t even know I’m here,” he analyzed the confused look on her face. “I’m surprising them too, haha! Yeah… going to see the old folks after I catch up with Robin!” he quickly quelled the awkward situation, cursing himself for felling

Once the worry was off of Mrs. Buckley’s face, she continued her idle chatter until Steve maneuvered his way out of it. She was a nice woman, mostly… but he was only at the Buckleys’ for one reason and one reason only: Robin.

He had seen the narrow hallways and small rooms of her home more times than he could count. He considered it a safe place, a second home he knew he could come to if things ever got too bad with his parents. There were times he came knocking in the middle of the night, much to Robin’s parents’ dismay. As he approached her room, Steve could hear a very faint rhythm to a song he couldn’t discern. Robin never wore headphones when she was listening to music, at least properly, anyway. Her parents warned her that her Walkman was expensive and hard to come by on their wages, and that they weren’t going to pay for another set of headphones if she were to break them, so she wore them delicately around her neck. Her door was slightly ajar, so he decided to peek in.

Just then, his suspicions were confirmed. There she sat, a notebook against her knees as she wrote either song lyrics or a journal entry, he couldn’t tell. As he watched her, an idea came to fruition. It was a bit of a cruel one, but what better way to reunite with your best friend than to scare the life out of her?

Steve inched closer, slowly opening the door unnoticed before he sprung into action.

“…Boo!” he yelled, lunging forward and leaping into Robin’s room.

A scream and a thump could be heard from anywhere in the house as Steve felt an impact on his chest. Robin had thrown her notebook at him, pen and all. It slid across her carpeted floor as she realized who it was that scared her so badly.

“Jesus, what’s your problem?! I could’ve thrown this instead!” Robin asked, holding up her tape player, not truly looking for an answer as she pulled him in tight just as her mother had.

“Don’t even get me started.” he said, wrapping his arms around her and letting his head sit comfortably in the crook of her neck.

“Don’t ever do that again, you idiot.”

“I’ll make it tradition ‘till I graduate.” was all he could say, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He had only been just about an hour away, but the distance between him and Robin was nearly too much to bear. She was his best friend, his confidant. To only see her in person a few times for almost a year was something he had to get used to, but as it stood, he needed to be around her.

They held each other in silence for a moment, basking in the feeling they had both needed for months. He took in her scent, missing how she smelled of fresh clothes and cheap perfume her mother had probably bought from a yard sale years ago. He gave her one last squeeze before pulling away, smiling the biggest he had in days at her.

“God, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you, dingus,” she said.

“You’re really not gonna let that go, are you? It’s been 4 years and I’m still a dingus?”

“Yep. Steve ‘The Dingus’ Harrington, I can see it all now.” Robin said, putting her hands together and slowly separating them, setting the stage for some grandiose idea.

The two giggled at her playfulness and eventually found their way back to her bed. Steve sat with his back against the wall with Robin’s legs draped across his own as he read through the journal she had picked up and thrown at him once again. It was full of cheesy poems and song lyrics that she wanted a second opinion on. A few of them weren’t so great, but most of them would do amazing on an album just from the idea of the rhythm alone.

“These are really good, Rob,” he said. “You’re really not gonna pursue music? I mean… c’mon!”

“You know I can’t. I’m not like you, I can't just leave because I have a dream. I’m sure my mother couldn’t get me out of the door fast enough if we could afford it, but we can’t.”

“I’m sorry.” he apologized, sometimes forgetting that not everybody had the same freedoms as him.

“It’s okay, you just have to remember that I’m not exactly working with a Harrington-level income.” she paused. “Being college roommates would be really fun.”

“I’m always stressed whenever I’m in my dorm. I’m not used to the cramped space, even after this long.

“Really?” she asked.

“Yeah. Sometimes I’ll go down to the dining hall even if it’s not open, just to get a breather.”

“And you’re torturing yourself like this… because you want to prove your dad wrong?” Robin knew he was stubborn, but even from a short description, how had he not dropped out by now?

“Well, there’s that,” he stopped for a moment to collect his thoughts. “But Eddie made it bearable.”

“Eddie? You literally cried to me about him the other day.” she said, scoffing and shaking her head at him in confusion.

“Yeah, but… I got tired of missing him and I wrote an apology. I nearly threw up at the idea of talking to him— nervousness, not disgust, and he actually forgave me.” he smiled to himself, thinking of the short reunion they had shared over the phone. “Y’know, he said he almost didn’t, he was so upset with me. We’re cool now, though.”

“Your love life never gets any less complex, does it? Here I am, struggling to ask a girl out and you’re going back and forth with Eddie.” she laughed, looking up at the ceiling to avoid eye contact.

“Hey, me and Eddie aren’t—” he found himself growing defensive, a squeezing of his stomach that he couldn’t control, until he realized the second half of what she said. “Wait, what? I just realized you’ve mentioned a girl for months and you keep stringing me along. Who the hell is she? Is she a— is she a spy? Is that why you can’t tell me?” he asked, making Robin snort and jerk forward, her entire body wracked with laughter.

He tried getting her to stop laughing and reveal the identity of the mystery girl, but she just kept giggling until nothing but the occasional burst of laughter or small squeak escaped her. Even if he was frustrated, he couldn’t help but laugh along, too.

“Just give me a few more weeks. I want to make it official before I go revealing who she is.” she said with a nervous smile.

“God, you’re almost as stubborn as me.”

“It comes from an iron will of doing everything my mother tells me not to do.”

“I know where it comes from. I know everything about you,” he said, nudging her side with his arm.

“Oh, yeah? When was my first cat’s birthday?” she asked.

“Trick question. You’ve never had any pets ‘cause your parents don’t think you have enough responsibility.”

“Damn, you’re good.”

“I told you!”

They talked until the sun began to sink into the horizon, alerting Steve that he had to be home quickly or else his parents would lock the doors, leaving him to sleep outside. There was no way he would upset them by loudly knocking, knowing they would both be resting or catching up on extra work. It was either that or driving back from where he came, begging to stay the night at the Buckleys’. Both scenarios and the shame that came with them were more than unfavorable, so he had to exit quickly. Much to Robin’s annoyance, he nearly left before he received a hug as a departing gift.

“You’d better not bail so quickly next time you come over.” she pulled a sour face, hitting him in the shoulder playfully.

“I’ll be back tomorrow to give you more one-on-one best friend time, I promise. I just don’t want to be homeless for the night.”

“Alright… love you.” she said.

“Love you too.” he replied, saying his final goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Buckley and the dinner table.

The drive home was lonely and something he had been dreading since he read the bright green ‘WELCOME TO HAWKINS’ sign. He knew what it would be like when he came home, but he couldn’t exactly abandon them and the privilege they provided even if he wanted to. Maybe when he graduated and got settled, maybe when he could fend for himself, but not now. He just had to put on a happy face, try his best to not complain and be on his best behavior for the next two-and-a-half months.

As he pulled into the driveway, he saw no one waiting outside for him. A singular light buzzed above the familiar, red front door, greeting him quietly as he stepped out of his car. He could see more light in the windows from behind the curtains, assuring him his parents were home but not caring enough to be excited about his return. He tried taking as much time between going from the driveway to the inside of his house as possible, walking slowly and bracing himself for a possible scolding.

In time, he had made his way inside, seeing nobody in the front room. His hearing wasn’t the best anymore, but from a distance, he could hear the clinking of plates and small talk coming from the kitchen. Are they actually making a congratulatory dinner? he asked himself, wondering if he was just stupidly hopeful. When he entered the kitchen, there was no reaction and certainly no congratulatory dinner. A half-eaten pot of stew and a few leftover crumbs from a loaf of bread sat on the stove, leaving Steve to eat the leftovers. Mr. and Mrs. Harrington hadn’t noticed him at first until he learned against the open doorway, clearing his throat to catch their attention.

“What was that?— Steven?” Mrs. Harrington exclaimed, walking toward him and wrapping an arm around him, pulling away as quickly as she embraced him, if that’s what you’d call it.

“Good to see ya’, son,” he crossed his arms, staying in his spot across the room. “We didn’t expect to see you so soon.”

“…The school year ended yesterday,” he said, looking at the floor to avoid his uncaring gaze.

“Oh… well, mistakes happen,” he said.

“Yeah, they do.”

There was an odd silence in the air between Steve and his parents. It wasn’t a comfortable silence like the ones he’d share with his friends, it was the kind where you wanted to leave as soon as possible for fear of something worse happening; but he couldn’t leave, not yet. This was where he’d be staying for the entire summer break, he had to be on his best behavior and fight the urge to yell at both of his parents for disregarding such an important day.

His mother was the first to break the tension, forcing a smile and gesturing toward the leftovers sitting idly on the stove. She never knew exactly how to be a good mother, so she never learned, and Steve didn’t get the same experience that everyone else did. She was more tolerable than Mr. Harrington, but he didn’t see her as a mom, but rather just a mother.

“…There’s some food if you want! I’m sure you’re very hungry after driving for hours,” Mrs. Harrington smiled, trying to quell the odd air in the room. “When did you leave to get here so fast?” she asked.

“It’s only an hour away, Mom…” he kept his eyes on the tiled floor, feeling a painful weight in his chest. “I’m not hungry, just tired… I’ve lost my appetite.” The only thing he could do was lie and get upset under his breath, not wanting to get into an argument. Did they not think about their own son enough to know where he was? How he was doing? With every passing second, every thought, Steve found himself close to tears. He couldn’t cry in front of his dad, that was not on the table of possibilities, but he couldn’t get mad either. Praying he hadn’t heard what he said under his breath, Steve turned around and wished his parents goodnight, walking into the hallway that led to the staircase.

Before he could do so, he felt a firm grip on his shoulder turn him around. He saw his father’s face looking back at him, a strong brow resting on his face. Not wanting to look into his eyes, he chose to focus on the wrinkles in between his eyebrows instead.

“Don’t talk back to your mother like that, do you understand me?” he asked, looking at Steve harshly. “You may have had a long trip, but we’ve had long days at work, too. She forgets something small, so what?”

“So what?” he scoffed, furrowing his eyebrows with a disingenuous smile. “It’s my first day back from college and you two couldn’t give enough of a shit to remember,” he said, immediately regretting the decision the second the words left his mouth. His eyes widened, still glued to the floor.

“What did you just say to me?” he asked. “Do you realize just how much we do for you? What do we pay for, Steven? Answer that.” he waited for a response with crossed arms, his neck flushing red with anger. For the first time in months, Steve felt scared.

“…Everything,” he said, barely above a whisper. He balled his hands into fists to stop the shaking he had only just paid attention to. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut?

“That’s right. We pay— for everything. We pay for everything, but you’re still ungrateful.” he stopped to rub the space between his eyebrows, shaking his head in disappointment. “Y’know, I really don’t know where we went wrong with you. I don’t, Steven.”

A small sigh escaped Steve. If his day wasn’t already long, this wasn’t helping. He squeezed his eyes shut to prevent tears from forming before he spoke. “I’m sorry I can’t be who you want,” he said. “I wish I was different, too.” His father was the one to sigh now, looking back at his wife who was found to be looking back at him and her son in deep thought, not wanting to say anything out of discomfort— or maybe fear.

“Go to your room, son. You need to learn responsibility and discipline, that's the most important thing in this life,” he said, turning away and going back to the kitchen to eat whatever leftovers remained on the stove. “You can eat in the morning.” Steve walked away without another word, head down and shoulders raised as he ran up the stairs like a scared child.

His room was a familiar space, but it wasn’t him. There was a specific image of who Steve Harrington was, and his peers contributed to it his entire life. He was the king, the disappointment, the favored classmate but also the mediocre student. The plaid walls and bed sheets made no sense, the items on his desk were a random amalgamation of who his parents, his “friends”, thought he was. In reality, while everyone was making their own conclusions about who Steve Harrington was as a figure, he had no idea himself. Who was he if not a bad son, a bad friend and a bad student? Who was he if not for the labels people pushed on him from childhood? He had no idea, and that was a scary thought— to not know who you are, the body you’ve been in for over two decades, or what you truly wanted.

It was far too late for thinking as deeply as he was, and his head was starting to hurt from the stress of it all. He’d unpack the boxes in his car in the morning and try his best to be kind despite his disdain for his parents, those were tomorrow’s goals. For now, all he could do was exist with himself in silence and reflect. Closing the door and stripping down to his underwear, Steve got under the blankets he hadn’t seen in months and wished for a better tomorrow.

Within the next few minutes of staring at the textured ceiling, he had zoned out completely and eventually fallen asleep. He wasn’t sure when or how or what he was thinking about, but he didn’t want to fight the weight of exhaustion tugging on his eyes. He let them close and began to snore softly, wondering what the next few weeks would look like in the Harrington Household.

Chapter Text

Steve had never given much thought about how his life would look like when he was a child. He had short-lived ambitions, hopes and dreams, but he had no idea what he truly wanted. All of his identities, eras of his life, were decided by people other than himself.

Going to baseball games as a child? Decided by his father. Sure, they were fun, but he was guided into being a particular type of boy. The kind who would someday grow into the keg king, the Hawkins High swim team captain, the guy who got all the girls, the guy with the puffed chest walking through school hallways and pushing people into lockers, the guy he could never be. There was always some sort of internal conflict inside his mind, it didn’t matter where he was or who he was with. When he hung out with the people other students would dream of being even if he didn’t want to, he was arguing with himself. He wondered why everybody wanted to have his life when even he didn’t want his life.

Steve thought things would change when he got to college, but even that was a decision inspired by what other people thought of him. He didn’t apply to the College of Indiana because he aspired for post-secondary education, he did it because he was scared of judgment. The more he looked back on his life, the more he realized he had no control. How can you live your life like you’re on top of the world and look back to see it was all just a fantasy? He tried not to think about it, that was how he got through the day. Anything that was mildly upsetting was pushed to the back of his mind until he was alone, comfortable enough to be vulnerable. Even then, he thought maybe someone, somewhere was watching him— so he tried not to cry.

The morning after his return to Hawkins, Steve decided to have a lazy morning. It was officially the first day of summer break, why not? He didn’t get out of bed until just before noon, even though he had been awake for an hour. He rustled his sheets and rolled around, basking in the warmth of his bed. He hadn’t slept comfortably in a long time, the pre-placed dorm beds were stiff and cold no matter how many blankets he threw over himself. He wondered what it was all for. There were conversations he needed to have with himself that he wasn’t quite awake to have yet, things to address and move on from, but not now.

He swung his legs off of the bed and curled his toes into the rough carpet, stretching and yawning along the way. Despite the events that preceded, being at home and sleeping in his bed was one of the best night’s sleep he had gotten in a while. He picked out a plain, navy blue polo shirt and his old, green shorts with the Hawkins High Tigers logo on the side; he wasn’t the best at fashion. Pairing the outfit with some mid-calf tube socks, he made his way to the bathroom.

After he was washed and cleaned, he made it down to the kitchen where his father was sitting; the head of the table, of course. Steve wasn’t in the talking mood as he was still tired, but Mr. Harrington didn’t enjoy the silence in the room. As Steve grabbed himself a bowl, spoon and a family-sized box of cereal in silence, his father spoke.

“Not gonna say good morning to your old man?” he asked.

“…Morning,”

“Wow, some real effort comin’ from you today, son!” Mr. Harrington laughed, watching his son grow more uncomfortable by the second.

“Sorry, just tired,”

“So am I, you don’t see me ignoring your mother,” he grew more serious, glaring at Steve from the corner of his eye.

“Okay, sorry! I’m just trying to wake up. Good morning, Dad— is that better?” he asked.

“You’re clearly awake enough to catch an attitude. We’re not gonna be doing this every day you’re here, I won’t have it,” he said.

“I don’t know how many more times I can apologize before you realize I’m actually sorry, Dad! I had a long day, I’m tired. I know you’re tired too, and yeah, I’m not the best at just sucking it up like you. Can you please just get off my ass?” he snapped, pouring the last of the milk into his bowl.

“That’s it. You’re done,” he said. “I was going to be nice, but you don’t get to choose how I treat you now. You need to get a job by the end of next week.”

“…What? I’m only here for like… two months. Why would I get a job?” he said, growing regretful that he said anything other than ‘good morning’ in the first place.

“I said it last night, son. Clearly, your ears are only there for decoration. You need to be taught respect and discipline. If you can’t respect my rules, you’re gonna have to respect someone else’s,” he said, pausing to take a deep sigh. “All of the money you make is going toward the first month of your dormitory fund. You’re not gonna guilt me into paying, son. First month is on you.”

With that being said, Mr. Harrington didn’t have anything left to say. He was a traditional man, and being traditional came with a lack of understanding of the current world. It wasn’t 1959, it was 1989, but he just couldn’t see that. As he walked away, Steve walked in the opposite direction, deciding to eat his breakfast out by the pool. All of the things he had planned, all of the promises he made to himself to be on his best behavior, what were they all for if he couldn’t keep his mouth shut for more than a minute?

Sitting on a lawn chair in front of the pool, full of algae and crispy leaves, Steve wondered if he really should ask the Buckleys to stay over for the next few weeks. Mrs. Buckley already loved him, why not take it if this was how it was going to be? He didn’t want to deal with more stress after carrying what felt like the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’d have to bring it up eventually, but he tried not to let it cloud his mind. There was already so much going on internally, he didn’t want to overwhelm himself.

Finishing his breakfast, he took the bowl with him as he went inside, finding the sun’s heat to be too overwhelming. Nothing says summer like sunburns and heatstroke, right? The inside chill of the Harrington household left Steve sighing in delight, feeling the cool rushing down his back. After becoming the closest definition to a hermit in his cold dorm room in college, it would take some adjusting before he could go outside and bask in the heat again. For now, he decided to call Mrs. Buckley and ask about his possible living arrangement.

The phone rang once, twice, three times before somebody picked up, and it wasn’t who Steve was expecting.

“Hello?” a familiar voice answered.

“Hey, Robin! It’s your best friend, Steve!” he said with a smile. “Actually… I was looking to talk to your mom.”

“My mom…?” she asked. “Are you getting that desperate?”

“Jesus, no! I—I just wanted to talk to her about something. I don’t want to get with your mom.”

“Good, I would not want my best friend to be my stepdad. That’s embarrassing,” she said.

“Yep,” he replied, waiting a few seconds to see if Robin would put her mother on the phone. “Is she, uh… is she coming?”

“Oh, right. Give me a minute.” from the other side of the phone, Steve could hear Robin very poorly covering the speaker as she shouted for her mother to come downstairs. He pulled his hand away from his face, rubbing the spot that was now achy from her practically yelling into his ear.

“Hi, Steve. What’s going on?” she asked.

“Hey, Mrs. Buckley! I just had a question about something,” he said. “About the, um… I was wondering if I could stay at your house for the summer.”

“The entire summer? Are things bad at home, honey?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry for springing this sh—stuff on you… I just don’t know if I can stay here any longer. You don’t have to open your home for me or whatever, I just wanted to ask.” he said, sighing quietly into the phone.

“It’s alright, honey. I’ll have to ask Richard. In the meantime, get your things ready. I’m sure Robin will enjoy this idea,” she paused. “Maybe it’ll even get her out of that bedroom!”

“Yeah, maybe. Thank you, Mrs. Buckley, you’re really helpin’ me out here.” he said.

“It really is no problem. I’ll go ask Richard about it now, okay? Take care.” She finished quickly, hanging up the phone and leaving Steve to wonder what would happen in either scenario if he could or couldn’t stay at the Buckleys’ for the summer.

Placing the phone back onto the wall, he sighed deeply in exhaustion. He had only been awake for a few hours, but the emotional weight he had been carrying since the early morning was taking its toll on him. He was on break, what did it matter if he needed a nap? He walked upstairs and got into bed once more, staring at the ceiling until the exhaustion took over him completely, wondering if he was forgetting something.

On the other side of the state was Eddie with nails bitten down as far as they could go and a frustrated mind, questioning if he was overthinking.

It had only been two days since the start of summer, but Steve hadn’t bothered to call. He didn’t know if he was being dramatic or if Steve just didn’t stick to his word, but it was upsetting Eddie. He didn’t expect him to call every day, but he would’ve enjoyed a quick check-in to see if he got home okay. To his disappointment, the phone hadn’t rang.

“I just don’t get it, Wayne. Am I being weird for expecting him to call so soon? I mean… c’mon,” he said, pacing back and forth in confusion as his uncle watched from the kitchen.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, boy. He’ll call when he calls, no use makin’ a fuss over it,” he said, stopping to take a sip of his coffee. “You’ve got two options. You either wait for that phone to ring or you get up and do it yourself.”

“You make it sound so easy. It’s not that simple, man,” he said. “I don’t want to be the annoying one who already nearly fucked up—”

“Language,” Wayne interjected, glaring at Eddie from over his mug.

“Oh, whatever. I’m the one who went out of my way to pry into what he was doing when he clearly didn’t want to tell me, how did that end up? What if that happens again, Wayne? …I can’t lose him,” he confessed, finally sitting down and putting his head in his hands. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“I could tell ya’, but you won’t like it,” Wayne said from across the room, continuing to keep calm while Eddie freaked out on the living room couch.

“Yeah? Try me,” he said, wondering if he would regret the decision.

Wayne could only laugh to himself, shaking his head in disbelief at Eddie’s behavior.

“Regardless of what you say… you like that boy,” he started, watching Eddie intently to see what he may say. “Since you’ve gotten back, what’s happened? You’re drivin’ yourself nuts, and you’re drivin’ me nuts too ‘cause of it!”

Eddie didn’t respond, keeping his eyes on the rough carpet and wringing his hands.

“I may be old, but I ain’t stupid. You used to come home complaining nonstop about that boy, and now you’re complaining about how much you miss him.” Wayne took the final gulp of coffee from the mug and placed it in the sink, walking over to the couch to sit beside his nephew.

“I never said I missed him.” was all Eddie could say. He felt exposed even if Wayne didn’t mean to, was that what it was? He had already come to terms with who he was years ago, but to be crushing on Steve Harrington? That was a new low he didn’t even realize he had reached.

“You didn’t have to,” he said, wrapping an arm around Eddie. “Just take it easy, okay? He’ll probably come around soon, no use in goin’ crazy while you wait.”

Eddie nodded, looking around the room with nervous eyes. He knew Wayne wouldn’t judge, but the fact that he understood the truth behind Eddie’s demeanor toward Steve was terrifying. If Wayne knew before he accepted his feelings, how many others were aware of them? Did everybody conclude that he liked Steve before he did?

“What if he finds out? I mean… what if he won’t like me anymore?” he asked, feeling a heaviness in his heart.

“Then that boy isn’t worth your time or lovin’,” he replied, patting his nephew firmly on the shoulder.

“Thanks, Wayne.”

There wasn’t much else to say on either of their parts, so Eddie removed himself from Wayne’s comforting grip, walking to the front door of their apartment. He was still cautious when going outside because of his freakout with Steve a month or so prior, but he wanted to start getting better. Being in college was a constant reminder that he couldn’t run from his problems– something he tried to do, and also avoid, in 1986. It was hard to branch out after taking such a large leap of faith and having your life ruined because of it, but he didn’t want what happened to him to hold him back forever; he used the experience from that night in March and learned from it. He grabbed a leather jacket from a coat rack, throwing it over his exposed, scarred arms. Wayne sat back more comfortably on the couch, raising a brow at Eddie’s actions.

“Where are you goin’ all of a sudden?” he asked.

“I just want to clear my head, y’know?’ Eddie replied, reaching for the door handle. “I’m trying not to drive you nuts.”

Wayne smiled at Eddie’s words, once again shaking his head at his ability to be comedic without trying. “Just be safe, alright? Come home if–”, he tried to speak, but Eddie interrupted.

“Come home if something goes wrong or I don’t feel comfortable, I know. You don’t have to worry, promise.” he said, opening the door and turning on his heels.

Closing the door swiftly behind him, Eddie took the stairs to the ground floor of his apartment building. It wasn’t the most incredible place, but it came free of charge so he couldn’t complain too much. He didn’t go far, just down the street to a bench that overlooked the busy streets of Indianapolis. He sat quietly, watching the world go by without him— he was content.

As the summer wind blew through his hair, he sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back a bit. There would be a lot of uncertainty and difficult feelings to unpack over the summer, and he was sure it was the same for Steve.

He wanted to do what he could for both himself and Steve; he just hoped he could be there to help, not be left in the dark.

Chapter Text

Hello, readers!

You may be thinking, munsonfreak, why the hell are you posting a chapter that isn’t about Steddie? Well, my dear friends… I come bearing an update. No, before you freak out, TTTCWMB is not going on hiatus.

After having a conversation with a friend of mine, I’ve realized I need to be much, much kinder to myself. Writing thousand-word chapters in less than a week with the responsibilities and capabilities I have is no longer working for me as a writer.

At the end of the day, this fic isn’t for profit. This is simply me sharing my love for my favorite ship in my own special way. It’s a hobby, not a job, it shouldn’t feel anything other than enjoyable.

So, that being said… I’m going to be taking a bit longer to upload chapters until the fic is over. No, I won’t be taking a month or anything like that, but just over a week rather than the 5-day deadlines I’ve been giving myself. I need time to deflate, revise and most importantly, actually enjoy the writing process.

That’s all! I didn’t want you thinking I’ve abandoned you or this fic, I just need a little more time to make something special. I hope you can understand and have some patience.

Love,
— munsonfreak

Chapter Text

By the end of the week, Steve was gone. Mrs. Buckley had talked with her husband, and with the two being free-spirited and carefree, they didn’t mind having an additional body in their home— they also hoped his presence would get Robin out of her room a bit more. Steve couldn’t be any more relieved though he was scared. After the phone call he had made to Mrs. Buckley, the following days were nothing but screaming matches.

There had been arguments between Steve and his father more times than he bothered to remember, but it was never like this. It was a passive-aggressive disagreement that always ended with being ordered to his room and later “taught a lesson”. It had never come to the point of being forced out of his home because of how awful being there made him feel, but there was a first time for everything. There were things he had to consider, situations he had to imagine himself in if he were to no longer speak to his parents, or father at the very least.

There was no way he’d pay for dorm rent after the way they went at each other all day, every day. Any sliver of hope for that outcome was washed away by Mr. Harrington’s final words spoken before Steve decided to re-pack all of his things and leave the next day.

“I’ve never met a man that was more of an ungrateful bloodsucker than you,” he said, inching closer to his son as his face blushed red with anger. At this point in the argument, he had no idea why it even began. Maybe with his son around, he had someone else to pick on rather than his wife. “Do you know how disappointing it is to be your father?” he asked, not expecting a response.

Steve didn’t meet these expectations, having enough with his father’s degradation. Though he was hurt by his father’s words, he didn’t want to be broken down and made to feel small. He didn’t want to become just another person who was fearful of what he may do if you upset him— Steve wanted to take a stand.

“Can’t be more disappointing than how it feels to be your son,” he said, looking between both of his parents who took up their own spaces in the living room. He let out a shaky breath as he watched his mother’s expression drop and father’s face grow even redder, there was no running from this now. “Before you scream in my face and tell me to get out, half of my shit is packed. Didn’t expect you to notice, anyway.” was all he said, watching his father’s gaze remain strong, though he backed down from the argument. He couldn’t quite place what his mother was thinking from just her facial expressions but it seemed to be a mix of discomfort and surprise. No matter what she said, she’d never stand up for her son, so he had to be the one to protect himself.

Turning away from the both of them, Steve walked out of the living room and up the stairs, back into the place he may never see again if he left home. After a bout of silence, his father rushed to the base of the stairs to hurl insults and empty threads, leaving Steve to panic in his room.

It took a lot of courage to stand up to a man like Mr. Harrington, knowing how powerful he was and what he could do if he felt so inclined. That’s why his mother acted as she did, staying silent and utterly devoted to her husband, thinking what they had was how it was supposed to be. On lonely nights, she’d hug her son and stay by his side for a while. She’d rub his head and tell him he was special, and then she’d leave when she felt better, continuing to chase after her husband and his attention.

Steve wasn’t sure what he did to deserve the life he was given, both the positives and the negatives of it— he just couldn’t understand. What was so special about him that he had the privilege to have anything he wanted? Who was he to be deserving of any of it, good or bad? Why should he face the consequences of his parents not knowing how to nurture a child? As his father continued to yell from downstairs, he paced around his room, running his hands through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down. This wasn’t something he could come back from, this was it. There had been bad arguments, times where he left for the night to sleep at Tommy Hagan’s or Tina’s or anyone who would have him, but this would change the course of his relationship with his parents forever.

He had never said anything like that to a person before. He had said awful, terrible things that he’d feel horrible about for the rest of his life, but he had never said what he did to his father— nor did he hear those words come from his father, either. Once he started thinking about it, he couldn’t stop. Everything was too loud, too fast, too much too quick.

“Go away, go away…” he said, going to the furthest end of the room and sliding down the wall, placing his hands over his ears. He refused to let himself cry, but the internal feelings were there. He was so alone without direction, no true constants or promises. It was scary to be an adult.

The next morning, all of Steve’s things were packed and prepared. Things had been settled with Robin’s parents and he was ready to go. Though he wished he didn’t have to, now that he was on his own financially, he had to get a summer job. That was his father’s idea in the first place, but Steve would rather have a job and come home to a loving family rather than two idle parents who had nothing good to say. He watched through the rearview mirror as his mother followed his car to the end of the driveway, letting him leave. He didn’t care to see how his father looked, avoiding his piercing gaze as he was probably considering all the ways he could punish his son for acting out.

Robin’s house wasn’t too far from Steve’s, he could make it in about ten minutes if he sped the streets but he didn’t feel like smooth-talking a cop or spending a night in jail. For the entire ride, Steve was basking in the one thing he hadn’t heard for days, silence. Sure, there were honking horns and the sound of wind hitting windows, but that counted as silence to him. He eventually arrived at the Buckleys’ house, leaving all of his boxed possessions in the car.

Before he could knock, Robin swiftly opened the door and surprised Steve with a wide smile. He assumed she had been waiting quite a while for his return.

“Look who’s here!” she said, pulling the door open so Mr. and Mrs. Buckley could see him from their place in the kitchen.

“Haha, hey…” Steve waved, using the large gap in the door to walk into the house.

“Don’t forget to take off your shoes, we have carpet,” Robin said, pulling a fake-annoyed expression at him.

“Yeah, yeah. I got it,” Steve quickly took off his shoes and shut the door, pulling Robin into the kitchen as she protested from behind.

“No running in the house, kiddos!” Mr. Buckley said, a wheezy laugh filling the kitchen along with the sound of the chopping of potatoes.

“I didn’t want to, he just dragged me along!”

“You love me,” Steve joked, nudging Robin’s shoulder.

“Who are you again?” she asked, making both of her parents giggle.

“You’re evil.”

“Guilty as charged,” she replied, sitting on a stool in the kitchen corner and watching her parents scramble around to prepare dinner.

“Are you feeling better now that you’re here, kid?” Mr. Buckley asked, tossing the chopped potatoes into a large pot full of a liquid that smelled like beef stock.

“Yeah, I just wish it just didn’t have to come to this, y’know?” he said, keeping his distance so he wouldn’t get in the way.

“I get it. When I was your age, my mother would kick me out of the house every other week until I got fed up with it and left.” Mrs. Buckley interjected, squeezing between Steve and her husband to throw a bowl of black beans into the pot.

Steve looked at Robin with an uncomfortable expression. He was grateful for the Buckleys’ kindness, but… it was an acquired taste. They were more casual whereas his parents were more closed off. Even if they were more open, he was intimidated by them. A few moments of silence filled the room until Steve moved to lean against the edge of the counter, sighing.

“I’m just happy you guys let me stay for a while,” he said. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you said no.”

“Don’t worry about it! We believe the world belongs to the people, our home is open to those who need it,” Mrs. Buckley said, looking between Steve and her daughter. “As I told you on the phone, I think this’ll be a great opportunity for Robin to get out of her room, too. Can’t have her under my feet for the rest of my life!” she joked, leaving Robin to follow alongside Steve in feeling uncomfortable.

“I’m going outside for a bit,” she paused. “Come on,” Robin nudged her head toward Steve and walked away without another word, knowing he’d follow close behind.

“Oh, okay…?” Steve knew he was in for a pre-dinner rant, but she had listened to his troubles for the entire school year. The least he could do was return the favor.

Steve was dragged outside without shoes by Robin who didn’t consider his circumstances. The grass was too odd of a feeling, so he stood on the walkway instead. Robin sat beside him, grabbing his wrist so he’d sit down too.

“What’s her problem?” she asked, putting her head in her hands. “She’s so rude when you’re gone, but acts like you’re the son she’s needed all her life when you’re around. She pretends to tolerate me. I just— what’s wrong with me that she needs to let me know how annoying I am to be around?” Steve was never the best with words, but he didn’t want Robin to sit alone and feel like she shouldn’t have said anything. Rather than give her a large speech, he laid his open palm on her back and began to rub in small, circular motions.

“You’re not annoying to be around at all. I mean… I used to think you were, but— but then I got to know the real you.” he said, wondering if it came off as too much.

“Harsh, but I can’t say much different for you. I used to think you were the biggest jerk in Hawkins,” she paused to look up at him, seeing him fight back a guilty smile. “But we both grew. That’s what’s important, right? I just wish there was a way to show my mom that I’m not what, or who she thinks I am.” she said, leaning her head on Steve’s shoulder.

“I’d love to help but, uh… there’s not much going on up here,” he said, poking the side of his head.

“Shut up, you only believe that ‘cause that’s what you’ve been told,” she replied with annoyance, punching him firmly in the arm.

After a yelp and a playful insult, Steve calmed down. “You believe you’re annoying because that’s what you’ve been told.”

“I guess you’re right. Either that or we do actually suck and don’t realize it,” she said, huffing in amusement. “Actually, that seems to make more sense.”

“I’d bet on the second option,” he said through a laugh. “At least we suck together, right?” Getting up from the cool walkway and pulling Robin up with him, Steve sighed.

“We’d better get inside before your parents think we’re kissing again.”

“Gross,” she said. “No offense.”

“None taken.” he replied, reaching for the front door.

While Steve and Robin were enjoying a more or less interesting chili-beef stew combo at her house, Eddie was once again struggling on his own in Indianapolis. He had no friends to turn to anymore, not anyone he could truly trust with his inner feelings. His band had fizzled out, all of his “clients” either moved on to other dealers or got locked up and the kids he once called shrimps had grown up; Eddie had no idea how to contact them. He wished he could ask Steve about how Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Erica and Max were doing, but Steve was unreachable, too. It was just like middle school all over again. No real friends, nobody sticking around long enough to know the real him, coming home to his uncle every day in tears, wondering why he was constantly avoided.

He knew Wayne was a shoulder to lean on if he wasn’t working, but that was so lame. A man in his late fifties who was also his uncle being his best friend? He didn’t want that. He also couldn’t talk about love or relationships or anything of the sort with him, anything more than the slightest mention of a crush would send him into a fetal position hoping the world would go away. There was a lot of shame that came with having no friends, but it was something he’d have to live with, at least until Steve called. The only thing he could do was take his free time and put it to good use rather than laying around all day, then wishing he had done more when the new semester started up.

He had been holed up in his room for hours, all of his years-old possessions scattered in front of him like he had never seen them before. To be fair, even before March 1986, he had blocked a lot out for the sake of survival. There were dusty watches and shirts too many sizes too small, children’s clothing. He wasn’t sure why he held onto sketchbooks with half of the pages ripped out or empty picture frames, maybe it was for a sense of control. When you spend so much of your life unable to live how you want, holding onto those moments knowing where you are now, may bring you a sense of comfort.

He flipped through photo albums and played the janky acoustic guitar that he and Wayne saved up for after the old trailer’s destruction. It was nowhere near as good or as cool as his BC Rich Warlock, but it was still enough to fulfill his musical needs. By the end of his journey through his life, his room was a complete mess. You could barely see the dark, carpeted floor through all the clutter. Reaching over to open his door and tip-toeing through it, Eddie huffed all of the air from his lungs.

”That’s gonna be a bitch to clean up.” he thought, looking at the piles of papers and clothes and miscellaneous things scattered across his room.

Needing a break from the mess and summer heat, Eddie made his way into the kitchen, and then into the fridge. Cracking open a cool beer with condensation spilling down the sides, the first sip gave him a satisfying chill down his spine. He had never been fond of the taste, but it calmed him down and hit the spot when he really needed it. The Munsons’ apartment was quaint and had a liveable amount of mess, with a few jackets thrown over couch arms and chairs. It would never be the same as it once was, but it was comfortable. It was quiet, at least in the room, Eddie couldn’t say the same about his mind.

As he sat down on the plush couch and crossed his legs, continuing to take sips of beer from the small can, all he could do was watch the phone on the wall… just waiting for it to ring.

Chapter Text

Living with your thoughts after you finally had someone to help them go away was easier said than done. It went without saying, but Eddie was struggling.

Without Steve, he had no one. He couldn’t go back to Hawkins and catch up with anyone, at least not with how paranoid he currently was. Every passing moment was filled with overthinking, wondering and fear. He was too stubborn to call first, but he couldn’t express just how badly he wished to hear Steve’s voice again. There was one moment they shared, about two weeks before the semester ended, where Steve giggled. Eddie didn’t know how he didn’t realize his feelings with how much he replayed that moment in his head.

“Don’t make that face! I’m trying to make a work of art, not a disaster,” Eddie said, smiling from behind the canvas.

“What face? This one?” Steve asked, raising a brow and pursing his lips.

“You are the worst model ever, seriously.” he said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

Then that sound, that beautiful sound. Even though Steve moved and did everything he was told not to, Eddie didn’t care. The giggle that filled the small dorm made it almost feel like home, Steve felt like home.

There was no home to turn to when he got lost in the same walls and ceilings anymore. Even though he hoped to hear the phone ring one day, Eddie had begun to lose hope. Nearly two weeks, not one call. Somebody who called you a friend wouldn’t do that, but why would Steve get his hopes up? Was it a final cruel prank? Did he get to Hawkins and immediately tell all of his friends about how much of a loser Eddie Munson is and always will be? He didn’t know what to think with how loud it already was in his mind, he just wanted everything to go away.

Wayne was out fishing for the day, that was his way of clearing his mind, but fishing would only bring Eddie gagging and overwhelming empathy for the creatures he’d catch. There wasn’t much to do. All he did was sit on the couch, guitar beside him as he stared at the phone on the wall.

“I really need to do something. I’m bored out of my goddamn mind.” he thought as he got up from the couch, leaving his guitar behind.

What did normal people do when they were bored? Old Eddie would’ve gone for a long, reckless drive with the windows down low and the music up high; he was too afraid to do that now. It was already established that he had no friends, no band, and no real contact with the outside world except for when he was in college, so what could he do? His room was still exceptionally messy from the impromptu rummaging through all of his things. Notebooks were still scattered everywhere, a pencil case’s contents spilled across the floor

That was it.

He was an artist and a (retired) Dungeon Master, why couldn’t he draw or write something? It could take a while, but that was even better. It gave him something to do rather than sitting around and overthinking for the entirety of the summer break. He grabbed a pencil, an eraser, and one of the sketchbooks thrown into the bedroom cover and got to work. Going into it, there wasn’t a plan. Just like when he was finishing up the portrait of Steve, he followed his gut (which ended up earning him a high score,) and it felt good. Stroke after stroke, small details being corrected with a heavier line, and depth added with small hatches. There was no rhyme or reason for the shapes, but it came to make a face.

Different-sized features, different shapes, and tones as he continued to make small scratches across the paper. He wasn’t focusing on the entire piece, but rather on the smaller sections as he worked on them. After a few minutes of the final lines of form and shading, Eddie stepped back and grew upset at his creation. It was like his conscious mind was taken over by his subconscious as he drew, only being able to understand what it was when he looked closer.

A face, but no ordinary one. A face made up of different features and emotions with a dark background, highlighting the amalgamation of people within the near-grotesque mashup. One small, light eye with an expressive shape, the other large and droopy with two moles on the cheek. Dark cheeks sprinkled with freckles and a round jaw, a sharp, large nose in the center. There were a variety of hair colors, forms and textures that came to create one being. He couldn’t believe himself, but the truth was right there. It was everyone he had lost contact with along his path: Jeff, Gareth, The Freak, Dustin, Lucas, Mike… Steve.

“Jesus… I need to get out of here.” he said, rubbing his face in frustration and quickly hopping out of bed, leaving the sketchbook behind. He didn’t care what he stepped on or dragged along with him, he needed to leave.

Even with a fear of the outside world, the realization of his true loneliness coming out was an overwhelming feeling that needed to be quelled. Wayne had the car they had bought in the time since March 1986, so Eddie had to leave on foot. He didn’t care where he went, as long as he could take his mind off things and still make it home safe, he’d be okay. Grabbing his wallet and stuffing it in his pants pocket, Eddie left without a clue of where he’d end up going.

After twenty minutes of walking, Eddie found himself in front of a bar, because day drinking is a great idea. That wasn’t his scene, but that wasn’t what mattered at the time. This bar was a sleazy one, similar to The Hideout. Poorly lit, sticky floors, tables filled with the types of people you’d expect to see in a bar like this. The music coming from speakers on the ceiling was too loud, even for his taste. Any logical, normal person would leave if they realized how shitty of a bar this was, but as it’s been established, Eddie Munson is not normal. Rather than leave, he sat on one of the empty stools in front of the counter where an exhausted-looking man shook cocktails a few feet away.

While he waited, he thought of what he should order. Bar food was never great, but he hadn’t eaten all day. He didn’t have much money on him, so he literally couldn’t afford to be picky. There was a small bowl of seasoned peanuts beside a stained menu with the bar logo on the front. As he flipped through the pages, the bartender approached him and asked for his ID. After Eddie showed him and proved he was an adult, it was time to order.

“Do you know what you want yet?” he asked, scratching his beard.

“Uh… I’ll just take a beer— Blue Ribbon,” he said, looking back at the menu awkwardly. “Can I also get a side of onion rings?”

“Sure, I’ll get that for ya’,” he said, southern accent peeking out ever so slightly.

In the time it took for his beer to be served and onion rings to be cooked, a young woman sat down on the stool beside him and leaned in close.

“Hey, handsome,” she said. “I’m Michelle.”

She had wavy auburn hair and pale skin with dark eyes that contrasted everything else about her. Long, French-tipped nails tapped the wooden counter as she awaited his response.

“Uh… hey?” he paused. “Do I know you?”

“Not yet, but you’re mighty fine. Why don’t you come sit at my table with all my friends?” she asked, looking over to the table in the corner filled with three other women, all giggling at their friend’s attempt.

“I’m good thanks,” he said. “Sorry, you’re just… not my type.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You like blondes or somethin’?” she asked, flexing her brows in annoyance.

“No— definitely not. I’m just not really interested,” Eddie paused. “Sorry,” he said.

“Wow, alright. Asshole.” she finished, rolling her eyes and walking back to the table of now loudly whispering women.

As soon as she left, a chilled bottle of beer and a small plastic basket of onion rings with checkered paper was slid in front of him. When he looked up, the bartender gave him a look of solidarity. Tossing a rag over his shoulder, he leaned in to whisper.

"'Dunno why you'd turn down a beautiful thing like that, but more for me!” he joked, turning around and tending to other patrons before Eddie could reply.

For the rest of the duration of his meal, Eddie kept his head down in fear, occasionally taking a bite or a sip until everything was gone. It wasn’t exactly easy being honest with redneck strangers in 1989, especially in unfamiliar territory. He couldn’t truly explain why he wasn’t interested or why he’d probably never return to this bar again, they wouldn’t understand. He was grateful to have support in his life, but there was a large difference between a family member and a stranger. He could bet on Wayne to be loving even if he was older, but he wouldn’t take his chances with girls like Michelle or passersby on the streets, he had to keep himself safe.

After Eddie had finished his meal, he slapped a $5 bill on the counter and left without a goodbye. Once he was out, he turned around to look back at the bar.

“Shithole.” he said under his breath, turning back around and walking down the street.

He didn’t want to go home immediately after what had happened. Most people would brush it off, but Eddie was shaken up. It had been weeks since he went somewhere by himself, and being put on the spot like that scared him. He needed time to deflate before things inevitably went wrong again. If there was one thing he knew about being a Munson, it was that life was never easy no matter how hard you tried. He looked around the quiet streets and sidewalks, spotting a bench that was covered from top to bottom in graffiti.

He knew he’d get bored within minutes, but he chose to sit and reflect before he did. His mind was free of distractions like schoolwork and deadlines, so there was time to realize the true problems in his life.

He was growing tired, angry even, of the continuous waiting. Not even just for Steve to call, if ever, but for everything. His entire life had always been delayed. Repeated years of high school, multiple submissions to multiple colleges, hundreds of Corroded Coffin gigs, and no big break. Everyone told him to be patient, that it would all come together eventually, but when was that? There was no guarantee, so why sit around and wait for something that wasn’t certain? He was tired of waiting, so he decided to do something that would give him a feeling of control in his life again.

Riiing… riiing… riiiiing! Eddie had run back to his apartment, leaning against the wall with a tight grip on his phone. If he wanted things to change, he couldn’t sit around and wait for them to happen. If he wanted to hear from Steve, he had to be the one to call since it clearly wasn’t happening any other way.

Riiing… riiing… riiiiing! No answer, and then a beep. Damnit.

“...Hey, I dunno if he’s around or you guys even have an answering machine, but… I have a message for Steve,” he said, pulling the phone away from his face to let out a shaky breath. “Just wanted to say I— I miss you… a lot. I don’t know if you’ve forgotten about me or somethin’ but it’d be nice to hear from you. Give me a call, man. You know the number. Okay, bye…” he finished quickly, nearly breaking the phone with how hard he slammed it into the holder on the wall.

He couldn’t explain how it felt to experience such visceral loneliness, anger, frustration. All of the hope he had was quickly crushed, leaving him feeling defeated and humiliated at his foolishness. Summer break was supposed to be fun, not full of anguish, fought-back tears and day drinking. Even though it was a pain in his ass, Eddie was starting to miss college. These things could be avoided if he put his mind to work rather than constantly overthinking and putting himself through hell.

Eddie began to shake in frustration, what was his problem? It was like he was a tornado of emotions, grabbing the closest one as he blew through his apartment. If an old version of himself were there, he’d wonder why his current self was this upset over things that seemed so small in retrospect. He couldn’t explain it, but he just was.

In this bout of bitterness, Eddie didn’t know what to do. It was obvious he had nobody to turn to, and he didn’t trust himself to not do anything stupid. Maybe it would be better if he took his mind off of things. He realized his room was still a complete mess, cluttered in every direction. It seemed like a reflection of his mind; there was far too much to handle, so he’d have to take cleaning up one step at a time.

When he approached the messy room, he first opened a window even if the thought of being seen scared him. It was the middle of summer, any physical activity for a man with long hair and lanky limbs would need a draft to complete his tasks. After doing so, he grabbed all of his sketchbooks and notepads, stacking them into a pile and placing them on his small desk in the corner which was covered in clothes. Next were the pens and pencils, photo albums, and then the old books and D&D campaign plans that were placed neatly in an empty dresser drawer. It took a few droplets of sweat and a few breaks in between, but the mess was mostly gone in about an hour.

The only thing that remained out of place in Eddie’s room was the thing he was saving for last: the drawing of all of the friends he had made over the years. It made his heart ache to see it, but tidying up so many stories and experiences while still having them at the end of it made him think. Even if those people weren’t around anymore, regardless of reason, they still existed in little memories across his life. It still hurt to be alone or left behind, but he was starting to make peace with it the more he calmed down and cleared his mind.

No matter how much it hurt, there was no use in getting upset over people who weren’t in his life anymore, whether by choice or natural circumstances. Eddie grabbed the pencil off of his bed and put it into a drawer, then came the drawing itself. He grabbed the sketchbook and slid his index finger under the page, pinching and swiftly ripping the drawing out of the sketchbook. He put the sketchbook away with the rest, and then put his focus on the drawing. With one final, desolate look at it, he crumpled it into a ball, tossing it into the trash.

“That’s enough today-ing for today.” he said, climbing onto his comfortable bed free of clutter. He felt the soft wind from the window blowing across his body, the chill cooling his body down after his hard work. Once settled, he stared at the ceiling in contemplation, wondering what would come next.

Chapter Text

Though it had a rocky beginning, summer had turned around for Steve. He was happy, which was something he didn’t expect to be while enjoying his time off. He couldn’t be annoyed that school was starting up again in a few days with how good of a mindset he had.

In the short time he was home with his parents, Steve was miserable, to say the least. It was always constant fighting and he was tired of it. Even if it was temporary, living with Robin and her parents for the summer was one of the best decisions he had ever made. Thankfully, he didn’t have to get a job for the time being, but rather do things around the house and smaller things for Hawkins locals to earn a month’s worth of apartment rent and additional expense money. When he could afford to take care of himself, that’s when he’d try to find a job. It was risky, sure, but he had heightened confidence only found in Harringtons. There was no possibility of things falling through for him, no way.

Since college was starting up soon, Steve needed to pack. All of his things, including clothes and already-organized notebooks, were splayed out in front of him and Robin who were desperate to clean up. Alongside Steve, she had to fold mountains of clothes, labor which would be compensated with a movie night later that day.

“Oh my god, why do you have so many clothes?” Robin asked, tossing a folded shirt to the side.

“I don’t know what the weather’ll be that day! I’ve gotta— y’know… prepare in advance,” he replied, adding to the pile of sock bundles.

“You know you can just bring a few sweaters, right? Basically every other weather is T-shirt weather,” she said, making Steve look at her with confusion.

“Uh, no. No way! Sometimes it’s too hot for a T-shirt or jeans, so I’ve gotta wear shorts and a tank top,” he paused, grabbing an item that Robin had recently folded. “Or maybe a tank top! That’s why I need so many clothes, you need to be prepared.”

“You can be prepared without having Cindy Crawford levels of clothes,” she joked, making Steve roll his eyes. “You’re a little beauty queen. Maybe you’ll find a partner with all of your chic stuff.”

Wait… what?

“…Partner? Is that your fancy way of saying girlfriend?” Steve asked nervously.

“Sorry, am I assuming? We had that conversation while you were in college not too long ago… about Eddie?” she said, unsure if she was stepping into dangerous territory.

“Oh, right. Just… ignore that.” Steve quickly realized what Robin meant, the memories of the conversation flooding back as he recalled his feelings of loneliness. “Wait a second…”

The conversation had shifted almost immediately upon Steve’s realization. Eddie. He hadn’t called Eddie all summer because he was so caught up in his newfound freedoms. He had thrown out all of his unimportant notes within the first few weeks, one phone number on a ripped chunk of paper didn’t cross his mind. There was no way to contact him. If Eddie had called his parent’s home phone, there was no way he’d know, and he certainly wasn’t dealing with another argument for a possible message.

“I haven’t called Eddie for the entire summer,” he said, sitting on Robin’s bed and throwing the half-folded shirt on the ground in defeat. “How shitty is that? I mean— how am I gonna talk to him? I don’t have his number, I don’t know where he lives, he’s probably not going to be in the same dorm… what if he wants to live in an apartment this year?”

“Can I be honest with you?” Robin asked.

“Sure, you can’t tell me something that’ll make me feel any worse.”

“You, my dear Steven, are in deep shit. Driving yourself crazy over it isn’t going to bring him to you.”

Steve looked over at Robin with a worried expression on his face. This was not good. He couldn’t ask around, Eddie didn’t have any friends. That only made it worse… to be someone’s only friend, to feel what he ashamedly felt for Eddie and leave without warning, that was cruel. He was so caught up in his own happiness that he didn’t think about anybody else, a years-long habit he evidently had to keep working on.

“Sure, but… what should I do? I don’t want him to hate me if I can find him again.”

“I’d probably hate you already by now,” she paused. “Sorry.”

“Can’t really say none taken but, uh— yeah. This is really bad.”

“Unfortunately, there’s nothing either of us can do right now. I’d love to shrink down and get into the back of your mind to find his number, but I can’t. Maybe you can ask around on campus if anybody’s seen him, make an ad?” she suggested as she got back to folding shirts.

Following her actions, Steve sighed and picked up the clothes he dropped, feeling a heaviness in his heart. He was always so forgetful.

“What, a missing person’s poster for an old friend who’s definitely alive but wants nothing to do with me?” he sighed. “Sorry, I’m just stressed. This year is totally going to rock.”

“…Sarcasm?”

“Yes, sarcasm.”

“Okay.

There was a bout of silence in the room as Steve folded the small remainder of clothes and reflected on his actions. Maybe he had been hit in the head one too many times, maybe he was reverting to his old ways, he didn’t know. Like every other time, all he could do was apologize and try to make the best of things.

Much like Eddie, though he was unaware, there were a lot of realizations that Steve had made over summer break. He realized that he deserved to live a life where his happiness was prioritized, and Robin helped him see that better than anyone. He ended up hurting someone else because of it, but he wanted to fix it. It wasn’t fair to make someone feel alone while preaching about friendships and happiness, he couldn’t do that.

“Hey… what if we box up a few of these clothes and donate them? I mean— you said it, I have a lot of clothes.” he suggested, making Robin look at him with piqued curiosity.

“Where’d that come from? Are you feeling guilty?”

“Well, yeah, but I have to get rid of some of this shit before school starts. I barely had enough space for all of it.”

“Maybe we can drop it off at Hawkins High? They take donations, right?” Robin asked.

“I mean, they did when that ‘earthquake’ happened, right? People probably need clothes,” he said, wondering where he’d place the box. “What if someone steals everything we donate instead of taking a few things?”

“Then that person obviously needs it. You’d be doing them a service. If you want to feel better about yourself, there you go.”

“I just wish I could apologize to him now rather than later. I don’t know if he’ll even talk to me.” Steve said, sighing and folding the last of the shirts neatly into the box.

“Like I said—,” Robin took a deep inhale. “There’s no use in driving yourself and me crazy while you wait for the school year to come around. Now grab the box of stuff you don’t like and get your butt downstairs.”

“Okay, okay! I’ll stop ranting.” he said, picking up a box nearly completely full of socks and tank tops. Robin had grabbed her own box filled with Steve’s old jeans that he decided should go. She was undoubtedly correct, he had a clothing problem and a boy problem.

The trip to Hawkins High was a short one. Being a short drive from the Buckleys’ quaint house, the duo made it in mere minutes. The final bell had already rung a few hours earlier, and the parking lot was now empty except for a few bikes and scooters that belonged to kids in clubs or detention. Steve decided to leave the boxes at the very back door by the woodworking class door, knowing that Mr. Nichols, the teacher of said class, was one of the first to arrive. He would take care of things.

The job was complete and there wasn’t much to do in a school parking lot, so the two decided to go on a walk. These streets had become familiar during their high school years and Steve knew of all the secret spots, dragging a new girl to a different place almost daily after he was left single at the hands of Nancy Wheeler. That was a tale as old as time, one which he held no resentment toward, but it helped him see things a bit differently afterward.

After walking for a while, Steve pushed aside a wall of shrubs and revealed a small rock formation. It looked like the remnants of a disaster, but it was placed there on purpose by a local artist until it was hidden from the world, or so Steve was told. The setting sun peeked through the tall bushes and created a perfect balance of warmth and shade. This was one of the spots he visited frequently even when there wasn’t a girl involved. It was calming, free of fake friends and social expectations. He didn’t have to be King Steve when he was alone, he could just exist. Letting Robin enter first, Steve groaned and stretched his back, muscles tired from carrying the boxes and traveling far just to get to this spot.

“So, this is the famous Harrington hideout.” Robin marveled, looking around at the serene area.

“What?”

“I saw you sneaking in here a few times when we were in school,” she said. “I always wondered what was behind the shrubs, but I didn’t want to accidentally stumble upon a murder scene or something.”

“Why the hell would there be a murder scene?!” Steve asked, crossing his arms in defense.

“All of the jocks in teen movies have some weird secret. I didn’t know who you truly were.” Robin joked, wiggling her fingers at Steve like a creepy monster.

“That’s a movie. I don’t kill people.” he retorted.

“But you steal hearts, right?” she winked, watching Steve roll his eyes in playful annoyance and embarrassment. “I know better now, though. You’re not a killer, just a hopeless romantic.

“That makes two of us.” Steve said, now climbing up the large rock pile and finding his way to the top; laying on his back, he put his arms behind his head and waited for Robin to inevitably follow him. So she did, copying his pose and sighing. He looked over at her with wonder, wishing he could read her mind.

“Good sigh or bad sigh?” he asked.

“I… am not sure,” she said, keeping her eyes on the stars as she spoke. “Do you remember that time you, Nancy, and I got drunk off of that expensive wine in your parent’s liquor cabinet, and she ended up confessing something in truth or dare?”

“Of course I remember. I was shocked, but I was happy for her,” Steve said. “I remember how scared you looked when you first told me you were a lesbian in Starcourt. I wonder if Nancy felt that way, too.”

“She probably did,” she paused. “But we all know now, and she knows that we care, right?”

“Yeah?” Steve questioned, looking at her in confusion. “What are you getting at, Rob?”

“You know how you’ve been wondering who the special girl in my life is?” she replied with a question, feeling a heaviness in her heart and a lump in her throat. “How I’ve been staying out late some nights and not telling you anything?”

Steve may not get things at first, but he understood Robin’s sentiment immediately. He looked away from Robin and back to the stars, breathing deeply as he took it all in. Nancy was the special girl, how could he be so blind? He understood her apprehension now, the fear of telling your best friend that you’re in love with their ex-girlfriend wasn’t easy, but Robin mustered up the courage anyway. For that, he was proud.

“Steve?” Robin called out. “Can you say something, please?”

Snapping out of his thoughts, Steve looked back at her in silence. Much to her surprise, he broke out in a smile.

“Why are you smiling?” she asked. “You’re not… mad?”

“Not at all. I’m way past it, it’s okay, really,” he said, full of happiness for his best friend. “Nancy’s a really great girl, I’m sure you know that. I’m glad that, if anyone, you’re the one who gets to be with her, y’know? I know you’ll make her– or have been making her happy.”

“That was probably the sweetest thing you’ve ever told me,” Robin replied, rolling on her side to be closer, to make sure the moment was just between them. “Thanks for not ripping my head off.”

“I’d never! I’m not a killer, remember?” he joked, making himself and Robin giggle amongst themselves for a while. After the laughter had died down, the mood became serious again.

“Did Nancy want you to tell me about you guys?” Steve asked with concern.

“Of course she did, we were debating who should tell you. I obviously opted to be the lesbian messenger.”

After a small laugh, Steve sighed. “That’s good to know, then,” he said. “You’d better bring her over before I have to leave again. I want to show my support!”

“She’s been busy, but I’ll mention it when I sneak out again,” Robin huffed, trying to hide a smirk.

“At least I have someone to keep me company when you abandon me again! Woe is me!” she exaggerated, putting the back of her hand to her forehead like a damsel in distress, making Steve hit her arm playfully.

“I’m not abandoning you, I’m trying to get an education!” he quipped.

“Sure, Steven, that’s what they all say!”

“I hate you.” Steve joked, groaning and rolling away from Robin.

“You love me sooo much.” she dragged out, following his actions and poking him in the cheek.

“Don’t push it.”

Now that the truth, however obvious, was revealed, the energy between Steve and Robin was utterly positive. They both still had things to deal with in their personal lives, but where it stood, almost everything had been said. No more sneaking around, no more lies. It felt good to be honest, which was something Steve needed to work on, but he was getting there.

As the sun began to set further into the horizon, displaying a crescent moon, Steve and Robin enjoyed the rest of their time together before it was time to go home. The hiding crickets had come out to play, or maybe to celebrate a new revelation made by friends.

These were the moments they’d miss when Steve went back to college in a few days, but they both had a lot in store for the time they’d spend apart.

Chapter Text

As it turned out, mostly everything went smoothly when the second part of Steve’s four-year college experience began. He had talked his way into getting an apartment, he went around Indianapolis looking for work and he felt better-equipped to take on college the second time around. He didn’t understand why he felt so secure, considering everything that had happened before the year started was complete chaos.

He still wasn’t on speaking terms with his parents, it took far too much time to get everything neatly packed, he was having an internal crisis and he had lost contact with Eddie. He didn’t understand, but from what he assumed, this small moment of smooth sailing was the universe playing a trick on him. Things never went as planned for long if you were Steve Harrington, he knew something would come crashing down in time, that’s just how things went for him. For now, he needed to call Robin to let her know he had arrived safe and was setting up his new home.

Steve only had to wait a few seconds before someone picked up. He knew Robin was awaiting his call, but he seemed to underestimate just how badly she missed him.

“Steve?” she asked, not bothering to greet him. He could recognize her voice anywhere.

“Hey, Robin! I’m finally home. As close as home gets for now, anyway.” he said, looking around at the empty
apartment.

One bedroom, one bathroom, that was it. His room was tucked away in the furthest corner of the apartment and the kitchen was tiny. The white paint on nearly every surface was chipped. The small rooms left a bigger living space for him to do mostly anything he wanted which annoyed him, why couldn’t he just have a big bedroom and kitchen instead? Even if it was, for lack of a better word, cheap… it was air-conditioned and came with a pre-installed phone to call the landlord. Nobody had to know he was calling his best friend on it, too.

“Have you unpacked yet? Bought new furniture?”

“Uh, no… I just got here, everything is still packed,” he said, internally groaning as he looked at the large pile of boxes sitting in the middle of the living room. “I’m also not going to have furniture for a while. I don’t have my dad’s card, I’m completely on my own.”

“I wish I could help but I, too, am poor. You’re just new to the game.” she joked, hoping it would lift his spirits.

“Thanks, Rob. You’re always a great help."

“Seriously, though. Are you holding up okay? Y’know… with everything?” she asked, moving past the playful attitude.

“Yeah. I just hope I can find him. Hanging out with you and Nancy before I left really helped. Kinda sucks being so alone up here,” Steve confessed, holding the phone closer to his ear, wishing he could hug Robin. “At least I’ve got a pizza on the way.”

“Mushroom?” she asked.

“Ew, no. Meat Lover’s.”

“Now that? That is disgusting,” she said. “Anyway, we’re getting derailed. I’m glad you feel better, but all that drinking we did didn’t help me, I was hungover all day afterward!” she complained, making Steve huff a laugh.

“First of all, Meat Lover’s is good.” Steve paused. “Second, Nance can make sure you don’t take way too many shots next time you decide to drink.”

“There won’t be a next time, I’ve learned my lesson,” she said, groaning into the phone.

“Yeah, I’m not doing any parties this year, either. They seem fun, but—”

Bzzt!

“But what?” Robin asked, wondering what had cut Steve off.

Bzzt!

“Uh, sorry— I gotta call you back, I think the pizza’s here.” he said.

“Quite abrupt, but okay!” she replied, quickly hanging up the line.

Steve rushed to the buzzer on the side of the wall, not wanting to keep the person waiting. Pushing down on the bright red button, he questioned the person outside the building.

“Hey, is this the pizza guy?” he asked.

“Yep! Should I just leave this here, or…?” a squeaky voice crackled from the buzzer. Must be a kid.

“Yeah, leave it in the lobby if no one’s there. I’m gonna take the stairs,” he said.

“Okay, well, um.. no one’s here. I’ll just put this here,” a faint thump was heard from the delivery person’s side. “Have a good night.”

“Yep, you too buddy.” he finished the conversation, taking his thumb off the button and pulling on his shoes, ready to indulge in some probably-already-cold Meat Lover’s pizza.

Steve was still getting used to the idea of living in an apartment. Call him out-of-touch, but in the few days he had lived in the small building, he had gotten lost and accidentally pressed the wrong button in the elevator multiple times. He had to squint and see if the apartment he was about to walk into was his own. Rather than unintentionally commit a crime, he liked to take the stairs so he knew where he was instead of getting lost.

He needed friends, but from what he had seen, most of the people in the building were women who were teaching elder-discount territory. He was sure they were sweet, but that wasn’t quite the crowd a college student in their early twenties was looking for. Instead of socializing, he kept his head down as he jogged down the stairs.

This proved to be a very poor decision. As he was about to hit the main floor, Steve clashed shoulders with another person jogging up the stairs. They walked with tense muscles, making the blow much more intense.

“Sorry!” he exclaimed, rubbing his shoulder in the process.

“Nah, dude. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to crash into you there.”

That familiar voice rang in Steve’s ears. Was he just imagining things? Looking up from the stairs, what greeted him was someone he had been thinking of for days.

“Wait a sec’… Eddie?” he asked quietly, wondering if his whispers would echo through the large stairway.

Before the person spoke, he turned around. Steve couldn’t believe it, but he was right in front of him. Eddie Munson, in the flesh. He looked tired as if he hadn’t slept for days, a faint stubble was growing across his face. His expression was sour, disgust and anger mixed into one with a firm, unrelenting flexed brow.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, man,” he said, rolling his eyes and looking away from Steve’s burning gaze. “Seriously?”

Steve’s expression softened, feeling a deep pit of guilt in his stomach. He really hadn’t intended to ignore Eddie for the summer, he just got so caught up in his freedom that he became an afterthought. All of those special feelings got tucked away into the furthest part of his mind. It didn’t make sense, but it did; he couldn’t explain everything that was going on internally with Eddie clearly wanting to walk away.

“Look, I’m really sorry—” he attempted to begin with, only to be cut off.

“Shut the hell up, Harrington. I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit excuses. You’ve made it quite clear you don’t want to hang with a freak.” he spat, turning around and attempting to walk up the stairs.

“Just listen to me!” he said, grabbing the back of Eddie’s familiar flannel button-up, looking up at him with a pleading expression. “Just— please…”

“Leave me alone, man. I’m sure we’ll see each other around, but don’t bother trying to be all buddy-buddy with me.”

“Eddie…” Steve begged.

“Don’t do that.”

“…Do what?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“Act like you care. I can’t believe I was big enough of a dumbass to think you were actually cool.” he spat, yanking away from Steve’s touch and going back to walking up the stairs.

A pang in his chest. “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what else to say. I… I just had a lot going on. That doesn’t make it okay, but—”

“Fuck you, Harrington.” Eddie said with a vicious tone. It sounded as if he were trying not to cry, but Steve couldn’t be sure as he was trying not to do the same himself.

There he stood, watching Eddie walk away, the sound of his footsteps echoing in his ears as a constant reminder that this may be their last conversation. Steve didn’t want that, he wanted Eddie, he needed him; no matter what that may mean. There were things he went back and forth on, things he didn’t feel like admitting just yet, but he couldn’t let go.

Still, he remained unmoving as he watched Eddie walk away with clenched fists. He didn’t feel like eating anymore, but the grumbling of his stomach signaled that he had to. He quickly picked up the cooled pizza from the front lobby table and walked back up the stairs, stepping slower than usual so he didn’t run into Eddie again. As much as he wanted to talk, the last thing he wanted to do was upset him even further… or have him see the tears welling up in his eyes.

By the time he had sulked up the apartment building’s stairs, the pizza had gone cold and stiff. He still didn’t have much of an appetite, but he heated up a slice anyway… and then another, and then one more. He ate and ate as a distraction from the pain, wishing he could go back in time and keep Eddie’s number as close to his heart as Eddie was. How could he be so stupid? Going back and forth between knowing what he wanted and then pretending like he could’ve never thought such a thing the next day. Acting as if what he was feeling was just a blip in time, that it would be gone soon, but it never left. As he finished the crust of his final slice, Steve wondered what he could do to make it better. He didn’t want Eddie to be just another memory when he looked back at this point in time years down the line, he wanted to be close to him, to hold him and never let go. That special feeling could never be a blip, even if he was hesitant to admit its existence.

For a few minutes, Steve had considered his options. Since he didn’t see what floor Eddie walked to, he couldn’t visit and apologize with words. There was also the possibility of having a door slammed in his face which was also not good. He couldn’t ask around if anyone knew an Eddie or Wayne Munson, that would just make him seem like a stalker. It was risky, but he had to wait for the perfect opportunity to run into him, that was betting on a lot. He had no idea if or how much his schedule had changed since the last school year, and no idea if Eddie would intentionally take different routes to campus. Hence, there was never enough consistency to figure out his apartment number.

The only thing he could come up with was something he hoped would make Eddie think back to the fonder times they shared before everything came crashing down. After rummaging through a few boxes, he ripped out a page from a notebook and grabbed a pen, heading to the kitchen counter as a hard surface.

Dear Eddie,

It’s been a while since I’ve written you a letter, right? You’d better hold on, ‘cause this is gonna be a lot to read. For starters, I wanted to say I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but I am.

I didn’t mean to ignore you over summer break, but that’s what ended up happening. I didn’t know what to say and I put my other relationships before you, and that wasn’t cool… especially considering the amazing times we shared last year. I caused a lot of problems last year, too. I should’ve been honest with you when you asked what had thrown me off after that crappy party we went to. I guess I just wasn’t ready to admit a lot of things, and that wasn’t your fault. To put it plainly, you were flirting with me when you got drunk… hard. Nothing playful, you just cut right to the chase, and I guess that scared me.

I don’t mean I was scared of you or the possibility of you liking guys, I mean I was scared to admit how you made me feel. Even if it was just a one-time thing, what came after your drunk words wasn’t. I pushed you away because when I was near you, my palms started sweating and I started thinking about things I had never considered before. Being with a guy was never a possibility in my life. I guess this letter is both an apology and a confession, which I’m also sorry for.” Steve’s hands started shaking as his pen hovered over the paper. As soon as this was over, everything was solidified. There was no running from his problems or feelings anymore, and that was one of the most terrifying things he’d ever done; even overcoming interdimensional monsters with nothing more than a bat and some bravery was easier than this. Letting out a shaky breath, he continued writing.

It’s cool if you don’t want to talk anymore or think I’m a jerk. I’d think the same of myself if the roles were reversed. I just wanted to be honest with myself (and you) because it’s something I don’t do often. Ever since I realized I hadn’t called you for the entire summer, I wondered why. I think I know now… this is where the confession comes in.

I think I tried subconsciously pushing you away because doing that meant pushing away every other thing about myself I didn’t want to acknowledge. Not thinking about you meant I didn’t have to think about all of those feelings either. I can be a stubborn douche like that, not wanting to hear people, or I guess myself in this case, out. I’m tired of doing that, so here it is. In the time I’ve come to know and appreciate you, freakish side and all, I’ve also come to—”. Steve inhaled sharply, letting more shaky breaths escape him as he tried to get through the letter. His chest still ached from Eddie’s harsh words, and this only rubbed salt in the wound even if he was doing it voluntarily. He had to be honest. Gripping the pen tight, he scribbled out the last sentence and started again.

“Ever since I re-met you while trying to make a quick buck, I think I realized I loved you along the way. Wow, okay. It’s out now, right? Did I say it? I, Steve Harrington, love you. That’s really scary to say, but it’s the truth. I don’t usually say it first, but I need you to know. Even if you decide to crumple this letter up as soon as you see the words ‘I love you,’ I at least want you to know that I do, okay?

I’m really sorry I ignored you, but I don’t want to keep running from you or this feeling anymore. Please let me know how I can make it up to you… and please let me know if you feel the same. Probably not.

Love,

Steve.

Stepping back from the paper, Steve took a deep breath and wiped his wet eyes. He hadn’t realized until he finished, but a few tears had slipped past and onto the paper, leaving tiny stains and blotting the ink. He ran his hands through his hair nearly a million times in an attempt to calm himself down, all he could think about was where he would go from here? With this new revelation, how would he tell people? Should he tell people? For the sake of safety, he had to be careful. He was overthinking, far too many thoughts swirling in his mind at a pace too fast for him. He needed to calm down.

Rushing to the phone and dialing the number he had taped above the phone, Steve called Robin once again. Just like before, she answered almost immediately.

“There you are, what took you so long?” she asked.

“A lot of things,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you that… you mean a lot to me. You’re my best friend in the whole world and I’m glad you are, y’know?” Little sniffles could be heard on Robin’s side, and along with Steve’s random kindness, she knew something was wrong.

“Steve, are you okay?” she asked. “Did you— did you do something? Did you take something?”

“No, no… totally sober. Just crying,” he replied. “I’m okay, but I did something really scary and I just needed to hear you.”

“You’re confusing me, what did you do? Why are you crying?” she continued to press, wanting to know the cause of her best friend’s anguish.

“I can’t talk about it right now or else I’ll start crying harder,” he said, sniffling a bit more. “But I promise I’m okay.”

“You promise?”

“I promise,” he agreed. “…I love you, Robin.”

“I… love you too, Steve,” she said with a certain softness you’d only hear someone use with a child or defenseless animal. “Let me know what’s up when you’re feeling better, okay? I want to make sure you’re happy, especially before your classes start up.”

“I’ll let you know what’s going on soon, I just need time.”

“And I’ll give you all the time you need,” she replied.

“Thanks,” he paused. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’re never gonna know, I’ll be by your side forever,” she said sweetly. “You’re never getting rid of me!”

“I’d never dream of getting rid of you.” he said, trying to fight a smile as the streaks of tears on his cheeks began to dry.

The two talked on the phone until Robin’s parents yelled for her to get off the phone, and then they said their goodbyes. Steve knew this school year would be a lot different, but he also knew he had someone he cherished to help him along the way. After the call was over, he neatly folded the letter to Eddie, stuffing it in the pocket of the jacket he’d wear tomorrow for the first official day of college.

Steve now knew that, no matter what, he had to start being honest.

Chapter Text

It had taken him a while, but Steve had finally done it. Through working at a local grocery store that barely saw customers most days and attending lectures at night, running into Eddie was a hard thing to come by. He was already struggling to keep up with his professor and coming home with a suitcase-worth of annoyance every day didn’t help, so he had begun to lose hope.

Every day while he got ready for school or work, he held the confession letter in his pocket with a firm grip, wondering if he should give up and throw it away, finally letting Eddie go. It was a constant debate in his mind, but he made a promise to himself: no more running from the truth. Even if there was no “Steve and Eddie” anymore, he needed to get his feelings out.

It started with the mailbox in the front lobby. After a long day at work, Steve had his near-daily call with Robin, to which she informed him that she needed his address and apartment number to send him a letter, how ironic. He told her, and days later, there he was. He didn’t have to work, so he spent the entire day inside, looking at nearly-empty rooms and trying to sort all of his furniture. The last time he had done such a thing was the previous year of college, and even then, he was winded.

He set up a blow-up mattress in the tiny bedroom in the corner and a small bedside table he just barely squeezed into the box. It was starting to look more like a real bedroom, but not much compared to his old dorm. It would take a while before he was truly settled in, but he was happy to start somewhere. When nearly an hour had passed, Steve was beginning to feel equally tired and bored. That was enough work for the day. Before he intended to rest for a while, he decided to check the mail to see if the previously mentioned letter Robin had sent had been delivered yet. Even if it wasn’t, it was still exercise.

As per usual, he threw on his jacket and rushed out the door with the mail key in hand, greatly hoping that Robin’s letter had arrived. She was very vague about everything which piqued his interest even more, what was waiting for him if it were in the mailbox? He took swift steps down the stairs, eyes on the floor until he got to the front lobby. That wasn’t a great habit to have, especially if he was on the stairs, but he did it anyway.

Just like before, when Steve reached the lobby, he found another person standing there— though, they weren’t inside. After the days that had passed since their stairwell encounter, there he was again. Through the windows at the front of the building, Steve could see Eddie leaning against a wall, taking occasional drags of a cigarette. This was his chance. He already had a half-smoked pack of Newports from a few weeks ago. They were only ever something he turned to if he really needed one because Robin didn’t allow him to “stink up” her bedroom when he stayed with her for the summer.

Eddie wouldn’t be pleased to see him, but he wanted to strike up a conversation with some false confidence— fake it until he made it, right? If it didn’t go as planned, just pass him the letter and walk away. That seemed like a better alternative than another night of heartbreak. Slowly exhaling, Steve grabbed the old cigarette from the pack and stuck it between his lips; he knew what he was going to do once he stepped out those doors.

“Before you say anything, wait. I just need a light,” he said, pointing to the thing barely hanging onto the corner of his mouth.

“Goddamnit, Harrington. You’re just fucking with me now.” Eddie replied with annoyance, acting as if Steve were the biggest storm cloud that immediately ruined his perfectly sunny day.

“I’m not, look!” Steve said, grabbing the inner linings of his jacket pockets and pulling them inside out, completely forgetting about the letter and mailbox key as they dropped to the floor. Even if he was annoyed, Eddie still picked it up and handed both items to him with a new curiosity. As he did, Steve felt his heart skip a beat in anticipation.

“Alright, Jesus… here.” Eddie sighed, leaning forward and pulling out his own lighter. A black one to be exact, decorated with a flame design on the bottom. It was one of two things Steve could focus on as Eddie lit his cigarette. The second being: that was the closest they had been in months. “So, uh… not that I really careee,” he dragged out. “But— what’s that all about?” he questioned, pointing at the tightly-gripped letter in Steve’s hand.

“Oh, this? Hah, uh! This, um… this silly thing? It’s actually for you.” he replied, taking a drag. Shit, that wasn’t smooth at all.

“You’re kidding, right? You’re really gonna sit here and convince me that you just needed a light and didn’t have any ulterior motives? You just so happened to have a… what, a letter for me?” he pressed, growing more aggravated by Steve’s audacity by the second, although nearly admirable.

“Okay, so I may have bent the truth a little! I really don’t have a lighter,” Steve looked at Eddie with a new desperation in his eyes like a kicked puppy. “I just wanted to talk to you without being yelled at this time, so… can you please just read the goddamn letter before I lose my mind?” he pleaded, groaning and rubbing the space between his eyebrows, thumping against the window behind him as he took another drag.

“Y’know what? If it gets you off my ass? Sure! I’ll read your letter.” Eddie agreed, tossing his own cigarette on the ground and squishing the butt with his shoe. Holding his palm out flat, he waited for the item Steve had almost cried over nearly a thousand times since writing it.

It was quickly handed over, and Eddie took his place beside Steve against the window as he read. For a moment, only just a moment, their shoulders brushed before Eddie moved away. Steve wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die, feeling equally as unwanted as he did scared in the moment. He made little glances, jumps in his stomach every time he looked over at Eddie’s dark eyes dancing across the paper. He couldn't stop inhaling, over and over until it was half-done. This was it, the ultimatum of whether this would make or break their friendship, maybe even blossom into something more if Steve were lucky enough. All he had to do was swallow the lump in his throat, try not to pass out in fear and keep his composure after Eddie was done.

Truth be told, Eddie didn’t want to finish the letter. He wanted to read the words ”I love you,” over and over again until he went cross-eyed. He hadn’t expected this, but he wasn’t upset. He was more upset with himself, understanding why he pushed Steve away but regretting every second of it the more he read. There wasn’t one particular word or expression to describe what he was feeling. Yet again, there was the tornado; a whirlwind of emotion ready to take on anything that came his way. As he read the final few words of the letter, including “Love, Steve,” Eddie’s vision became blurred with tears.

He quickly blinked them away to seem stronger than he was, now looking at Steve with fondness instead of disgust. He couldn’t believe himself even if he had an assumed justification before he understood Steve’s side. They were both at fault in their own ways, and it pained him to feel such guilt, now coming to terms with the full picture.

“I… I don’t even know what to say, man. I’m so fuckin’ sorry I was a dick to you,” Eddie said, voice wavering as he did.

“Hey, it’s cool. You thought I was a douche, I’d think the same if I were you,” he replied, a sad smile falling upon his lips. “So, you’re… you’re not mad anymore? About any of it?”

“Still super annoyed you didn’t call me, but I get why now… I’m not mad,” Eddie replied playfully, awkwardly looking away from Steve’s unending gaze. “But— do you really mean all the stuff you wrote? I mean, about love?”

“Uh, yeah. Did you read the part where it said ‘I love you?’” Steve said, now also looking away in embarrassment. There’s no way this will go well for you, dude.

“Right,” Eddie paused, not entirely sure of what to do next. “I’ve just never had another guy say that to me before and mean it, y’know… in that way. It's hard to say that kind of thing back, even if you mean it.”

“Well, it wasn’t exactly easy. I knew you wouldn’t judge me for it, but I was just so scared. I can’t go on pretending like I don’t feel the way I feel, for you or for anyone. Even if you didn’t feel the same or can't express it, I need to be who I am.” Steve said, eyes darting between the floor and Eddie’s eyes, wishing he’d shut him up already with his own confession or even an embrace, something to take him away from the angst that was eating at his chest.

“I do feel the same. I mean that in more ways than one. Every day I walk outside, I’m terrified of someone, somewhere, somehow will read my mind and figure me out. I get it, I really do,” Eddie sighed and looked back up at Steve, considering his options. “I also mean it in the way you’re hoping. Being vulnerable isn’t exactly my thing but… I love you too, Steve. I’m sorry it took me this long and all of this bullshit later, to be honest with you. I just didn't know how you’d react, I didn’t want my ass kicked.” Eddie confessed, wondering if the way he felt at the moment was the way Steve felt when he wrote his letter. Bare, exposed whether he liked it or not. Everything was being spilled on both sides, there’s no room for assumption or avoidance when the truth is sitting at the head of the table.

“I’d never hurt you,” Steve paused. He never wanted Eddie to feel fear when he was around, to know he was now trusted with one of the deepest parts of himself made him feel whole. "You mean it?” he asked almost meekly, wanting to truly make sure that Eddie’s words weren’t just a joke, that he wasn’t dreaming.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Come here.” Eddie said, grabbing Steve by the collar with a tight grip, making him drop the remainder of his cigarette. He dragged him to a nearby corner which was coincidentally mostly covered by a tree that had stood tall for decades.

Without another word, Eddie took the lead and firmly pressed his lips against Steve’s, basking in the moment he had imagined a thousand times over. Steve didn’t move at first, staying totally still as his eyes shot open in shock, being met with a closed pair. When reality had set in, Steve wrapped his arms around Eddie’s neck, letting himself melt into the feeling and taste of smoke, letting his eyes flutter closed. He hadn’t felt this vulnerable when kissing another person before, and it wasn’t just because Eddie was a man. He was the one being held, not having to worry about doing or saying the smooth things that would set the mood; he was taken into someone else’s touch. He never knew letting go could feel so freeing.

With every passing second of them being on each other’s lips, they wished the inevitability of having to separate wouldn’t happen. Before they pulled apart for air, Steve left a few small, sinless kisses on the corner of Eddie’s mouth before taking in all of his features. He was so beautiful. The more he looked, the more he realized that Eddie, too, was seeing him for all he was. He was panting, eyes glossed over like an animal that had completed the hunt, though something of a desire for more hid behind his gaze. Leaning forward, Eddie slotted his fingers in between Steve’s ear and pressed one final kiss to his lips, licking his own after he quickly pulled away.

“Sorry, haha… had to get one more in,” he said, his smile growing wider with each second.

“That’s okay. I really liked that,” Steve replied, pressing his lips together as if to kiss Eddie one more time. “I feel like I’m on top of the world right now.

“Kissing me makes you feel that happy?”

“You make me feel happy. Happier than most things— or people do.” he smirked, slowly coming down to reality after the bliss of kissing Eddie wore off enough to think straight.

“My, my, what a charmer,” Eddie said, trying to play it cool as if Steve’s words didn’t make his stomach jump. “No wonder I fell for you, right?”

“Hah… I have a question,” he asked abruptly, looking intently at Eddie.

“And what might that be?”

“Does this make us, like… boyfriends now?”

“We can figure that out. I’m not the most experienced but I want to be with you, Steve.” Eddie said, getting closer to him. He quickly looked around to see if anyone was passing by, and when the coast was clear, he grabbed Steve once again and pulled him close. This kiss was once again quick as fear set in between them. They couldn’t be this casual all the time, they had to relish these small moments moving forward. This was something they had to go about with caution whether they liked it or not.

Moving to lean against the wall beside him, Eddie brushed his hand against Steve’s and sighed. Neither of them knew where to look besides at the other, but when they did, all they wanted to do was get closer.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before.” Steve started, eyes dancing between Eddie and the dirt in the midst of his vulnerability.

“Neither have I, don’t sweat it,” he replied. “We can figure that out as we go, too.”

“Yeah,” another brush of their fingers. “We can.”

“That sounds nice,” Eddie looked at Steve once again, trying not to smile. “Should we maybe… skip our lectures today? Do couple-y things instead to test it out?”

“Most of the shit I have to sit through are things I learned last year. We can skip,” he said. “Where can we go?”

“Look where we are, Steve. You can come up to my apartment if you want.”

“Really?” he asked, almost too excited to see how Eddie’s living space looked.

Eddie gestured his head toward the building with a smile, insinuating they both go inside and get away from the crisp autumn chill, finding warmth in each other when they got up to the apartment. Before they did so, Steve stopped to check his mailbox as he initially intended, finding a small, brown envelope sent from Hawkins with a message that read “I licked it! – Robin,” on the front.

He quickly explained that he would open it once they got upstairs, and Eddie didn’t ask any more questions after that.

The new path they both decided to follow was intimidating at the very least, and terrifying at the very most. There were many things they’d have to figure out along the way, but that was something they were now both willing to do. After all they had been through, there was no way they could walk away and forget about each other, becoming only ghosts who occasionally passed each other in hallways and on campus grounds. The future was uncertain, but as it stood, this was what they needed: each other.

As the new pair made it up to Eddie’s apartment and prepared to spend the rest of the day together, harsh autumnal winds could be heard hitting the windows. Every woosh almost sounded like applause.

Chapter Text

Steve learned a few things about himself after he and Eddie started going out. He was far bossier than he thought, he was far clingier than he thought and he loved to be held.

He was already aware that physical, meaningful touches were something that he craved, but he loved to be hugged and squeezed the most. Eddie didn’t have a problem with it, either. In the days since they had called it official, a lot of things happened. When they first arrived at Eddie’s apartment, Steve’s eyes shone with a particular fondness, seeing how similar everything was to the old Munson trailer. Similar furniture, the same, appropriate amount of clutter covering tables and countertops. Everything had its place, even if it may look messy to the average eye.

Steve had learned to be a more understanding person as time went on. Superficial things like appearances and social expectations didn’t matter that much when he knew there was an alternate dimension merely feet below the ground. He didn’t look at other people with judgment, he learned to accept things as they were, and Eddie’s apartment looked like home.

“So, where is it?” Steve asked.

“Sorry?”

“Your room. Where is it?” he repeated.

“Oh, y’know, just down the street and around the corner,” Eddie replied jokingly, shaking his head. “It’s like ten feet away, c’mon.”

He hesitated at first, but Eddie grabbed Steve’s hand and pulled him down the narrow hallway of his apartment. The connection felt electric, almost juvenile with the way both of their bodies tensed at the feeling. The format of the apartment was the exact same as Steve’s, but it looked so different at the same time. He was getting lost in all of the twists and turns until they reached the stopping point.

There it was, Eddie’s room in all of its cluttered glory. Even if he had sorted his things a few weeks ago, it was only a matter of time before things would get messy again; at least he was consistent. The door had a large, metal “NO TRESPASSING” sign in the middle, and the rest of his room looked almost exactly like Steve had expected. The walls were decorated with a few posters and obviously-handmade banners. In the corner, there was a small Hellfire Club logo drawn on a post-it note and stuck to the wall. Eddie’s bed looked a lot comfier than the last time he had seen it, and he could use a break after running through the stairwell minutes before.

“Can I sit?” he asked.

“Dude, sit anywhere you want. I don’t care, my little dungeon is open to you,” Eddie replied, pushing him backward so he flopped onto the bed. “Just don’t touch my guitar without asking.”

“Got it,” Steve said, skin still feeling Eddie’s fingers on his chest as he kicked off his shoes and stretched out on his bed.

“Making yourself at home, huh?” Eddie joked, kicking off his own shoes and jumping on the bed beside Steve, making him yelp.

“You’re gonna crush me! Get off!” Steve said in between giggles, pathetically smacking Eddie’s arms.

“Fine, fineee,” he dragged on. Giggling as he rolled off of Steve and got more comfortable, now facing him. “I couldn’t resist.”

“Couldn’t resist nearly killing me?”

“Oh, c’mon! It was a display of my love.” Eddie reached out to brush the back of his fingers across Steve’s flushed cheeks, a small smile resting on his lips.

“If that’s how you display love I’ll be dead in a week,” Steve joked.

“What a way to go, though!” he replied, leaning forward and pressing his head into Steve’s chest, trying not to laugh.

“Yeah, you’re laughing now, but I’m not so sure you’ll be when you have to plan my funeral, silly boy.”

“…Silly boy?” Eddie repeated, lifting his head to look at him.

“Sorry, that was kinda dumb—”

Eddie wouldn’t have it, Steve’s little nickname wasn’t dumb, it was adorable. He was usually always the receiver of names, a gift that ended up being used to hurt him if things got heated in arguments. It didn’t matter who it was, it was an inevitable event. Eddie knew that feeling all too well, being branded something he wasn’t by people who didn’t care enough to truly know him. He knew that if they were going to work, he had to make Steve feel appreciated enough to be open. Hearing the words “silly boy” come out of his mouth made him unbelievably happy, no matter how ridiculous that seemed. Not only was it adorable, but it meant that Steve was comfortable. That’s all Eddie had ever wanted from the moment they made it official.

“Don’t say that!” he said, placing his hand over Steve’s mouth. “I like it.”

“You’re just saying that,” Steve mumbled through Eddie’s hand, pulling away with a playful smile. “Boyfriend seal of approval.”

Boyfriend.

“Nope. I really do think it’s cute, Steve.”

“Alright, silly boy.”

The two lay in silence for a while, sitting in the other’s presence, taking in their touches of warmth and listening to each other’s breathing. They got as close as they could, huddling up as if they were experiencing the coldest winter ever. Steve ran his fingers up and down Eddie’s spine, trying his best to avoid his scarred sides. Meanwhile, Eddie sat there and took in the small contact, trying his best not to fall asleep.

This attempt was made easy when the two heard the front door clicking, along with the calling of Eddie’s name.

“Shit, Wayne’s home,” he said, quickly scrambling out of bed.

“Do you need me to… hide?” Steve asked quickly, feeling his heart drop.

“No! He’s fine with this,” he replied, gesturing between the two of them. “He just kinda… thinks you suck.”

“…Oh,” Steve said quietly, looking down at the floor in shame.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll go see what’s up and explain everything, okay?” Eddie said. “Are you okay with it? I mean, like, me telling him about your situation?”

Another call of his name, louder this time.

“Yeah, please do the talking. Robin says I have ‘admirable confidence with public speaking,’ which I'm not sure is positive... I don’t want to say something stupid.” he sulked, feeling his positive mood diminish.

Eddie wasn’t the greatest at understanding or even respecting social cues, but he could tell that Steve was off. He didn’t want that, he wanted to see Steve beaming and welcomed into the Munson family with open arms, but it would take a bit of elbow grease. He understood the fear of having to come out, wondering if your relationships would ever be the same. It was new and scary and created a feeling of solidarity between them. Calling out that he’d be coming soon, Eddie turned to Steve and placed a firm hand on his shoulder.

“You’re the farthest thing from stupid. I’ll do the talking if you want, but you’ll be fine. I promise.” he said, placing a kiss on his cheek and opening his bedroom door, gesturing for Steve to exit first.

When the pair got to the open area of the apartment, Eddie held Steve back when he spotted Wayne in the kitchen. He continually glanced over at him while they made small talk about each other’s days, only shifting the topic when Wayne pulled out multiple containers from a paper bag, explaining that he had gotten them from a work barbecue. While his back was turned when he heated the containers in the microwave, Eddie pulled Steve into view and looked at Wayne with anticipation.

“It’s good that you got all this food, actually,” he said slowly, a hint of unease in his voice. “‘Cause I have a guest over…”

“Huh? What are you talkin’ about?” Wayne asked, turning around as the food was still heating up. There was no place to interpret his words when he was met with Steve’s awkwardly smiling face looking back at him.

“Am I missing somethin’, Ed?” Wayne asked, thinking back on the multiple times Eddie angrily paced around the apartment on the last leg of summer break, ranting about how much of a shithead Steve Harrington really was. “Haven't you two been…buttin’ heads?

“Well… that was before I realized we were both idiots and finally decided to be honest,” Eddie explained, looking at Steve with a loving gaze. “We’re cool now, more than cool…”

Nudging Steve’s hand with his own, Eddie laced their fingers together and watched Wayne’s face in anticipation. He knew that he was accepted in every way, but having to come out more than once was always nerve-wracking, especially when Steve had only done it once before. They both stood idly before Wayne’s stoic face broke out into a small smile as he approached the two, giving them both a fatherly pay on the shoulder as a sign of approval.

“As long as you’re happy,” he said, looking between them. “Don’t you go breakin’ my boy’s heart again or there’ll be some serious consequences.” Growing sterner, Wayne pointed a finger at Steve. He quickly nodded before the microwave beeped, laying the tense moment to rest.

“Thanks for not killing him, Wayne,” Eddie said, leaving Steve’s side to help dish up dinner and set the table, which was a small coffee table in the living room in front of the TV. “That outcome isn’t set in stone,” said Wayne, chuckling a bit.

“Um… can I help? I can grab some utensils or something.” Steve asked awkwardly, raising his voice to be heard above Eddie and Wayne’s chatter.

“Huh? Oh, sure! Can you grab some of each in that drawer?” he replied, nudging his head to the utensil drawer in the furthest corner under the kitchen counter, turning his attention back to the food.

In just a few minutes, the trio was sitting on the carpeted floor in front of the living room coffee table, ready to dig in. With such a huge selection from his work, Wayne had different cuts of meat, a medley of peas, carrots, and cauliflower and a tiny, sprinkled chocolate cupcake on the side for dessert. Eddie and Steve’s plates looked a bit different based on their personal preferences, with Eddie hoarding three cupcakes and avoiding most of the meat, sticking to just vegetables and a whole day’s-worth of sugar. Steve on the other hand took all of the meat Eddie didn’t want, mainly taking some chicken breast and a few spoonfuls of pulled beef.

“I don’t even know if I can eat all this, I might die,” Steve said, waving his fork around the large plate of meat.

“Nah, dude. I’m going first,” Eddie replied, chuckling as he looked down at his mainly-dessert-dinner. “I’d rather die from sugar overload than whatever the hell that is. What are you, a caveman?”

Nudging his shoulder with his own, Steve rolled his eyes and got to eating just as Eddie and Wayne were. There was an odd air of silence and the occasional swallow between the three once dinner truly began. There were no hard feelings between any of them, but there also wasn’t any casualness to be had where Wayne and Steve’s relationship currently stood. They had to re-enter the kindness they once shared before Eddie moved away all those years ago. They know things about each other, but so much time had gone by since then, they had to start from ground zero.

“So, Wayne…” Steve began through a mouthful of food, taking a second tone considerate and swallowing. “What are you up to these days?”

“Same old, same old, kid. Just trying to live life the best I can,” he said, a tired sigh escaping his lips before taking a sip of the beer beside him. “How’s life treating ya’ now that your head’s screwed on right?”

“Um… good! Yeah, I’m really sorry to both of you for being a total douche. I’m sure I caused a lot of problems.”

“Don’t worry about that now. Let bygones be bygones and such,” he said. “…But remember what I said.”

“I don’t plan on doing anything like that again,” Steve replied, swiping his hand in the air as if to brush away his old, stupid self, glancing at Eddie with worry.

There was another small bout of silence before Eddie was the one to pipe up, realizing the obvious thick, awkward energy in the air. Clearing his throat, he gestured toward Steve with his fork.

“I’m not a good influence,” he joked with a menacing smile. “I’ve been getting him to skip lectures with me.”

“Hey! To be fair, college is starting to suck…” Steve trailed off, poking at the final bits of chicken breast on his plate.

“What’s wrong with college?” Wayne asked, taking another swig of his beer.

“I dunno. I guess the first year was kind of a trial run. Now I’m bored off my ass—” he paused with a worried expression, noticing Wayne’s piercing gaze. “Sorry. It just really sucks.”

“I tried college once. It ain’t for everybody, that’s for sure,” said Wayne.

“It’s not like you have to keep going if you don’t want to, dude. Fuck the system!” Eddie cheered, raising his fist as if he were holding the power of the in his palm.

“Eddie!” Wayne yelled.

“Vive la révolution!” Eddie cried out, now lifting both of his arms in the air and making a deep, almost howl-esque noise. From below, a banging could be heard along with a string of curse words for everyone to quiet down, at least that was the nice summary.

“Shut up, man!” Steve said playfully, clasping his hand firmly over Eddie’s mouth with a smile, pulling him down to the floor.

“Argh! Let me be free of this sweaty hand prison!” Eddie cried, quieter than the last time, prying Steve’s hand off of his face and sitting back up.

When they were both back to their original positions, they were met with Wayne’s face which held a fought-back smile. He was still cautious of this new relationship, but he was glad to see Eddie beaming bigger than he had in weeks; the last time he was this giggly and happy was, again, with Steve. He hoped they’d be cautious, knowing whatever it was that they know now. He wanted his boy to feel loved.

“I’m stuffed, you want my last cupcake?” Eddie offered, holding out a small chocolate cupcake with vanilla icing and pink sprinkles on top in the palm of his hand. “Don’t forget to take the paper off,” he smirked.

“I’m not that dumb.” Steve grimaced, grabbing the cupcake and making sure Eddie watched him take the paper off, eating the entire thing in one bite.

Eddie noticed the change in Steve’s behavior and decided to take it up with him later, not wanting to embarrass him further in front of Wayne. Noticing all of the plates were now mostly empty, he grabbed all of them without another word and took off to the kitchen to clean up.

In a few minutes, the three men had gone to their separate areas in the apartment. Steve initially helped out with dishes and made his way to Eddie’s bedroom while the latter insisted he could put them away by himself. Wayne sat comfortably on the couch looking for a cheesy late-night TV show to watch, or maybe something to record and watch with Eddie later on. Once Eddie was completely done with the dishes, he wanted to apologize to Steve. Swinging around the corner and peeking his head into the bedroom, he noticed him sitting on the other side of the bed, back facing the door.

“…Steve?” Eddie called out.

Turning his head to the caring voice, Steve whispered a small “Hey,” before turning back around.

Eddie didn’t want him to feel like this when they had just had such a great night together. It was almost their first official date, that’s not how dates were supposed to go. They were supposed to be fun and filled with love, laughter, any good emotion you could think of. He didn’t want this for either of them. Walking around to Steve’s side of the bed, Eddie sat down beside him, leaving a bit of room between them.

“Can I talk to you, or do you want me to just… not bring it up?” he asked, placing a hand on Steve’s thigh to test the emotional waters. He wasn’t replied to with words, but with an earnest nod, allowing Eddie to continue. Once he saw he had a chance to apologize, he took it.

“Look, I’m sorry. Okay? I shouldn’t have teased you like that when I know you don’t like it… especially when I made it clear I don’t think you’re dumb,” he trailed off. “I’m supposed to be your boyfriend, not your bully. That wasn’t cool of me.”

“You’re not a bully,” Steve began. “I just really don’t like when people act like I don’t know shit. The whole reason I even applied to a college in the first place was to prove a point: I’m not as stupid as people think I am.”

“Steve…” Eddie said with sympathy tangled in his voice.

“No, no. It’s cool, I try to not let it affect me. Some days are just harder than others, especially with everything we have going on.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Eddie said. “You can always come to me if you need, though. That’s kind of a part of a boyfriend's job description.”

Huffing through his nose in amusement, Steve laid his head on Eddie’s shoulder and sighed. “Why does everything have to be so hard? School, life, relationships…” he questioned.

“I dunno, I guess we just have to keep figuring it out; and like I said earlier, fuck the system. You have nothing to prove to anyone. I don’t think you’re stupid and anyone who does is a dumbass, you should do things because you want to.” he said as he rubbed circles into Steve’s thigh, trying his best to not go on a rant about conformists and the capitalistic system behind post-secondary education.

“My dad’s gonna be super mad if I drop out, though.”

“He always is. When is he ever happy with you?” Eddie questioned.

To that, Steve didn’t reply. Eddie knew he had accidentally hit a sensitive spot and didn’t want to make it any worse. Kissing his hair, he mumbled a proposition he knew would make it better.

“Do you want to stay over for the night, think it over in the morning? There’s no rush and definitely no pressure for you to go one way or the other.”

“Yeah, we can do that,” Steve said, flopping backward and crawling up to the top of the bed and rolling on his side. A few long yawns escaped him before Eddie crawled beside him, also laying on his side so they could look at each other.

“Tired?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna take a nap.”

“Alright, I guess I'll join in,” he replied, grabbing a loose blanket from the foot of the bed and throwing it over both of their bodies.

Making such a big gamble on his future wasn’t something Steve predicted he’d do when he finally got accepted into college, but he needed to make a decision. Would he rather continue through with something he knew would probably change nothing, or would he rather do something for himself for a change?

He didn’t know yet, but with the security and comfort that came with Eddie’s support, he knew he’d make the right choice eventually.

Chapter Text

At first, he wasn’t sure, but the more he thought about it, what was so great about college that made it worth staying? Other than getting to see Eddie, it was just like high school after his infamous fall from popularity, but Steve didn’t need college to be able to see him. He knew where he lived now, the floor above him, apartment 21-C.

It was an important decision to make, but the hardest thing was telling people, just like coming out. He knew what he was feeling, but actually expressing them was terrifying. Spending thousands of his father’s money on tuition and putting everything into his future because everyone was under the impression that this would last, but he wasn’t sure it would. He even heard one of his professors once say that 4 million American students would statistically drop out during the 1989 school year, but he swore he wouldn’t be one of those 4 million. As it turns out, things don’t always go to plan.

After the night was spent at the Munson’s and Steve said his goodbyes, placing as many kisses as he could on Eddie’s lips before his approaching departure, the two had talked it out in the living room with Wayne. The general consensus was: do what makes you happy, even if that pisses other people off. This advice was appreciated, but in Steve’s life, the stakes were a lot higher. He was already financially cut off, what would happen if he took the final blow of disappointing his parents by becoming a college dropout? Would they ever speak to him again? The fact that he didn’t know if they would was worrying as pointed out by Wayne, but that’s how things were as a Harrington. You never know, especially when your parents never stick around for long enough in the first place.

Steve needed some alone time. Space to think without the idle chatter of other people clouding his mind. His love for Eddie was apparent, but there were days when solitude was necessary to help him make a decision. Where Eddie needed a few paces around the living room to be certain, Steve needed a lot longer than that. He quickly announced his departure and was given a cupcake for his (comically short) travels, and was sent off to his own apartment.

Since his jacket had been hanging on Eddie’s door for the last day or so, Steve had completely forgotten, once again, about the item that he was supposed to open when he first received it: Robin’s letter. He felt the edge of the envelope poke the thick fabric as he walked and it was torn open from nearly the second he stepped inside. He was eager, what was it that she wanted him to see? There still wasn’t a couch so he sat rather uncomfortably against a wall and peeled it open, discarding the envelope and grasping the folded letter in his hands.

Upon opening it, a Polaroid picture fell out and into his lap. When he picked it up and held it close to his eyes to see what it was, a grin broke out on his face. Robin and Nancy with a small, black and white cat in between them, looking less than thrilled to be squashed. They were both beaming and he could tell Robin’s smile was genuine. Whenever she tried to fake delight, she looked deathly uncomfortable. When she was with that cat and Nancy, she seemed at peace, happy to be in the moment with her girlfriend and new addition to the family.

The bottom of the Polaroid read, “Nance and Rob + Bowie!”. Of course the cat’s named Bowie, Steve thought. He wondered how much convincing Nancy had to do to get the little guy, how many pleas and extra kisses she had to sneak in, knowing Robin was weary of most animals and their possible rabies. The thought of him made him grin harder as he placed the picture on the floor, finally deciding to read the letter. In typical Robin fashion, she wrote it in pencil rather than a pen, such being apparent with all of the marks from cheap erasers streaking the paper. Near the bottom, there was a note in purple gel pen, which he assumed was a note from Nancy. Stretching his shoulders and rolling his neck, Steve got to reading.

Hey dingus!

How are you holding up with college? Don’t write back, call me about it. I miss you and there’s also a bunch of things I want to talk about and —” Another eraser streak across the paper, replacing the run-on sentence with a period. “Don’t get mad, you’re still my soulmate, but I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I mean… who would’ve thought that Robin Minerva (blegh) Buckley would’ve gotten a girlfriend before she died? Not me, that’s for sure!”

“I don’t want to ramble on about my amazing and totally superior-to-your’s love life, but it’s been great. I can’t wait for spring break to start so you can come visit us. Nancy's dad got gifted this fancy bottle of wine from work, but he said it tastes like blueberry-flavored trash. I dunno about you, but that doesn’t sound too bad considering how awful most alcohols and liquors taste.”

“Anyway, that’s all I wanted to share. If you don’t get back to me by the end of the week, I’m going to assume you died from stress or something, so please call for my sake! Just because I have a girlfriend now doesn’t mean I won’t die without you. Wow, I’m talking a lot about death. I’ll pass the letter over to Nancy and go play with Bowie to prevent an existential crisis now.”

Finding himself laughing at the letter, Steve took a moment to collect his giggles and move back into his usual demeanor, reading the small note Nancy had left for him.

“Hey, Steve! It’s been a while, I feel like Robin is starting to go crazy without you. I understand how she feels even if you two are closer on kind of an… astronomical level. I know she already asked but, how is college? I know it was really stressful for me, but maybe it’ll be different for you with some support. You’re totally welcome to call or visit either of us whenever you need. We love you!”

“Love ya!

“Robin and Nancy”

When Steve finished the sweet letter from two of his dearest friends, his chest began to ache. Not only did he miss them terribly, but his decision on whether or not to continue with his education was at a standstill. He knew he didn’t want to do it anymore, making that realization when the topic was brought up the last few times, but it was a matter of what he wanted versus what would be better for him in the end. There was one side of the coin, the devilish, Munson side that didn’t care for social expectations. The other one is the Harrington side, the side that made it apparent to be poise and do what others expect of you, the side that turned him into royalty all those years ago. That side didn’t fulfill him, but it was better than him suffering as an outcast during the four-year-long high school experience, right?

The only way he could figure this out was to find a middle ground, someone who would tell him when he was being stupid in a way that didn’t hurt his feelings, someone honest. Robin. She already asked him to tell her about college, what better time to bring it up than now? Maybe he could even slide in a quick comment about his and Eddie’s relationship while he was at it… She always knew what to say even if it was harsh, so it didn’t take much for Steve to get off the floor and press her number into the phone on the wall.

As always, after a short amount of time, she picked up.

“Hello?”

“I got your letter,” he said, glancing at the photo he had left on the floor.

“Steve! Finally, oh my god!” she exclaimed. Steve could almost feel her excitement over the phone. “What do you think about my new son?”

“Son?” he questioned.

“Yeah. You will accept him as your nephew or never speak to me again,” she joked as he heard purring over the phone.

“Is he here now?” he questioned again, to which Robin responded with an affirming hum. “Hey little guy, sorry I didn’t understand your mom at first… she’s totally crazy, right? Anyhow, I guess you’re my nephew.”

“Rude,” she replied plainly.

“Totally didn’t mean that,” said Steve, letting the conversation go quiet for a few moments before he collected his thoughts about college. “So, uh… you said you wanted to know how college was going. I mean, like, in the letter.”

“…Yeah? What’s up with you? Did something happen?” she asked.

“A lot of things have happened.”

“Okay, you’re worrying me. Did someone hurt you?”

“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s just… it’s just,” he started, not knowing how to stop the words from getting stuck in his throat. “I don’t think I want to be here anymore. In college, I mean.”

“You’re serious?” she pressed, wondering if this was just an idea he was throwing up in the air.

“I don’t know yet. That’s kind of why I wanted to call you. To know what you think, y’know?”

“I think putting the pressure on me to decide is taking at least ten years off my life,” she began, taking a few seconds to pet Bowie and weigh the options. “I think you should do it. Most people drop out anyway, what makes you any different? You’re not even getting into something you like, it’s just for approval,” she said.

“It’s sports-related...”

“Yeah, sports medicine, Steve. You’re telling me you genuinely enjoy sitting around all day learning about how to treat athletes rather than becoming one? Or what about that quiet life you always wanted? How can you do that if you’re always on the road helping people? It doesn’t make sense. To me, anyway.”

“…Is that what everyone back home thinks?” he asked, ignoring everything else she said so his feelings weren’t more hurt than they needed to be.

“Do you want me to be honest?” she replied.

“Not really, that tells me everything I need to know. I guess I know what I’m doing then,” said Steve, feeling his mood drop. He knew this was the most likely scenario after all of the trouble he had gone through in the first and now second years of college, but this was painfully anticlimactic. He expected it to feel empowering, to continue the streak of standing up to his parents and their unreasonable demands. All he felt was fear, about everything; what life would look like if he made it official with his academic advisor, with the world.

“Are you still there?” she asks, cutting through the extended silence while he was inside his head.

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

“Well, you can drop out whenever you want. I’d be pacing around my room for weeks debating the pros and cons if it were me, but I know you’re not that patient. Just do what feels right… and visit soon, I miss you,” she said, her voice growing softer by the last sentence.

“This shit is so hard, Robin. I feel like a goddamn loser.”

“You’re not a loser, —” she goes to interject.

“Yes, I am. I’m like ninety percent sure I peaked in high school, I can’t impress my parents, I’ve got a shitty job and now I’m gonna drop out of college! I mean, on what planet does that not make me a loser? The only good thing I’ve got going for me is you and…” Realizing what he nearly said in the midst of his rant, he lightly banged his head against the wall in annoyance with himself.

“If all that stuff makes you a loser, then I guess you are. But you’re my loser, we can suck together,” she said. “You’ve got me and… what?”

Might as well tell her now, right? Steve thought, feeling a pit grow in his stomach. Robin of all people would be the least judgmental, but actually getting the words out was so difficult. After thinking one way of himself for so long. To then have his entire worldview on sexuality and boys and dating, he almost didn’t know what to do with himself. What else was there to do other than be honest with those he knew wouldn’t judge him? Move forward, embrace love, and be the person he wanted, not the product of another’s desires.

“Yeah, we are. I guess what I meant to say was I have you and… and I have Eddie,” he said, feeling his voice waver. Why was coming out so hard? “I found out we live in the same apartment complex and — and I just spilled everything once I knew he’d stick around. I’m spilling it to you now, too. I’m still not sure about the whole label thing, but I think I’m bisexual. I know you probably don’t care, I just wanted to say something before I lost my mind.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to tell me,” she said, smiling brightly even if he couldn’t see. “I’m really glad you trusted me enough to tell me, it was getting really hard to not say anything when you talked about him and Tom Cruise like you’d been married to them for years.”

“Seriously? Does everybody know what’s going on in my life before I do?” he complained, though glad to have the burden of pretending like he was someone he wasn’t.

“It’s different for me. I can sniff out other gay people from a mile away, at least I think I can,” said Robin. “So, you and Eddie… you’re a thing now?”

“Yeah, we made it official a few days ago. We’re still pretty fresh but, uh, it’s been a while that we’ve been interested in each other. I didn’t realize that all those things he made me feel last year and the times before that were love…” he confessed, running a hand through his hair to comfort himself from the embarrassment of his own obliviousness.

“It took you long enough. I’m happy for you, Steve. Really. Maybe now that you’re official, you can come back down to Hawkins and we can go for a double date. You and Eddie, Nance and I,” she suggested, both desperate to see her best friend and embarrass him when he finally came home.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” he said. “I think I’m gonna go now. To clear my head and talk to the right people to get me unenrolled or whatever.”

“You do that. I’m going to the library soon to help Nancy work on this study thing she’s doing anyway. Call me if you need anything else, okay?”

“Will do,”

“Okay, good. Don’t die,” said Robin.

“I won’t if you won’t,” replied Steve.

The two said their goodbyes as they did every time, leaving Steve to be stressed by his lonesome. Coming out went better than he thought it would, but he knew he’d have to do it more than once. He’d already told three people in the span of two weeks, and there were a lot more than just two people in his life. Some he knew he could never tell, but others were easier to talk to; like Dustin, Lucas, Max… the entire party he took care of when they were just kids. They’d accept him for who he was, that was his starting point for people to tell other than those who were already aware.

After he had calmed down from his conversation with Robin, Steve frankly wanted to get college over. His decision was solidified, three opinions other than his own agreed, why shouldn’t he disappoint his parents one more time for good measure? He quickly grabbed his jacket hanging from the door and ran out of his apartment, driving all the way back to campus to have a meeting with his academic advisor before he was gone. A gruff old man in his late sixties with slicked-back, graying hair sat in the office when Steve arrived. Blue framed glasses matching his baby blue button-down shirt. His meaty hands clasped together in an attempt to hold onto his thinning patience when his previous meeting was interrupted by Steve.

After the student got their help, Steve sat down on the dented, uncomfortable chair in front of the old man and sighed, looking at the floor that definitely hadn’t been recarpeted since 1963.

“What brings you into my office without an appointment? Here’s a better question, what do you think gives you the right to do so?” he asked, his groveling voice grumbling in his throat.

“Okay, okay. Sorry,” Steve said, throwing his arms in the air in defense. Looking into the old man’s eyes, he spoke plainly.

“I’m here to drop out.”

Chapter Text

Dropping out was a lot harder than Steve had expected. It wasn’t as easy as just packing up and leaving, especially when he only paid for rent. He didn’t realize he’d have to tell his parents about his predicament so they could cancel his tuition payments. That did not go well.

There was an agreement made after a lot of yelling and hurtful words hurled from both sides. Steve could drop out in exchange for a cease in communication until he, once again, “learned his lesson”. He ended up slamming the phone into the cradle and sliding down the wall, running his hands through his hair to soothe himself. This wasn’t fair, not in the slightest. Why did his father have to be such an asshole? Almost everything Steve had ever done his entire life was for approval whether he admitted that or not. Realizing things about himself and stumbling through those realizations was a part of life, but apparently, that was unacceptable. Even though he hated his parents, what would life look like if he went completely no contact?

For the time he hadn’t spoken to his father during the new school year, it was blissful. He got a decent job, started dating Eddie (which had been utterly amazing thus far,) and things started to work even if college didn’t seem to. It seemed as though everything came crashing down when his father came back into the picture, his mother practically nonexistent. Steve wasn’t the problem. He’d still visit for holidays and birthdays and any other necessary occasions, but for now, he was done. Tired of the constant demeaning words and aggressive tones, acting like having him for a son was the worst thing that ever happened to him. He was sick of all of it.

When the call finally came in that everything was canceled and he could unenroll from the College of Indiana, he wasn’t sure what to do. Sob, overthink all of his life choices leading up to this moment, pop a bottle of champagne, and celebrate freedom? No, none of those were good ideas. What Steve needed in this time of uncertainty was time to deflate from everything, let reality set in, and a hug. More specifically, a hug from his wonderful boyfriend on the floor above him. So, though he was exhausted from all of the emotional turmoil he went through the last few days, he still managed to trudge up the building’s stairs and knock on Eddie’s door.

Steve ended up winding down with an immeasurable amount of love, hugs and comfort, and all the support he could’ve ever asked for from both Eddie and Wayne. Why couldn’t his actual family treat him with such kindness? To distract himself, Steve began to talk about things other than college and his stressors; he decided to talk about Robin. Telling Eddie every cute detail of her letter and promising to bring the Polaroid picture of her, Nancy and their new cat Bowie next time so he could see. The conversation soon turned into Steve asking Eddie if he wanted to go down to Hawkins for the weekend, to which he responded with a new, odd air about him.

“Uh… I dunno about that,” he said. Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, he looked away from Steve’s unending stare.

“Why not? It could be fun, to reunite with everyone and everything,” Steve questioned, rolling on his side and propping his head up with the palm of his hand. He knew Hawkins wasn’t the greatest town, but wouldn’t seeing everyone after years be nice?

“Yeah, that’s if people don’t have their red-hot pitchforks and holy water ready in case Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson comes back.”

“C’mon, you know that won’t happen. You’re just looking for a reason to not socialize,” he teased, poking Eddie’s nose playfully to ease the obvious discomfort he felt. Once he had achieved a snort, he let his hand fall to the side.

“Just think about it, okay? I’d love to show you off to everyone. Throw an arm around you, brush your hair behind your ear like we’re in a rom-com.”

“Shut it, Harrington,” Eddie chuckled, pushing his face away with an open palm and a wide smile. “I’ll think about it if you stop nagging me.”

“Alright, but you’ve gotta do something in exchange for my silence,” he said, keeping eye contact, hoping Eddie understood what he meant.

“Such a smooth talker, aren’t you?” Eddie questioned mischievously, his entire demeanor changing as he dipped down to lock his lips with Steve, successfully shutting him up.

By the end of the week, with enough convincing, Eddie had agreed to go back to Hawkins for a short, emphasis on short, visit to see all of his old friends. This was great! They were both doing things that scared them for their own good. Steve leaving college and taking a stand against his parents, and Eddie taking his own stand against his fears. Hawkins wasn’t going to rally against him years after learning of his innocence. Dirty looks and hushed gossip? That was a given, but nobody would hurt him. Steve wouldn’t let that happen.

Steve took the day and the one after off, meanwhile, Eddie made sure he had all his notes in order before they left, and then they got to getting ready. Steve was more than excited, not only was he glad to finally see his friends after months of being miserable without them, but he could bring Eddie, too. He could be himself with Robin and Nancy, he could love Eddie without fear of judgment except for the inevitable, playful gagging from Robin when they kissed in front of her. The kids were another story considering Steve wasn’t aware of who they had become now that they had matured, but he had faith in them. He raised them as best as he could before their high school peers took over.

The entire car ride was less than enjoyable, though. Eddie blasted a bunch of older CDs on Steve’s radio, nearly breaking the speakers. He understood it was just because he was stressed, but his car was his first-ever baby. After the initial chaos that was Eddie’s attempt at coping with a nervous breakdown, they talked it through for a few minutes after they pulled up at Nancy’s house.

“I can’t,” said Eddie, seemingly out of nowhere. He seemed fine for the last few minutes of the ride, what brought this on?

“Can’t what?” Steve asked.

“Do this. I can’t talk to them like I didn’t leave them in the way I did.”

“I’m sure they’ll understand —”

“Yeah, but what if they don’t? What if they realize they don’t need me? I made that realization a long time ago. That’s why I pushed everyone away in the first place, you just so happened to come back,” Eddie cut Steve off, leaning his fist against his scarred jaw as he looked out the window, intentionally ignoring Steve’s attempt at eye contact.

“I need you,” Steve said, words dripping with sincerity. “If they really think they’re better off without you, screw them. I’ll drive you out of here faster than you can complain about how awful they were being. Just don’t set yourself up before you try, okay?”

“Yeah,” Eddie replied, his volume growing lower so Steve couldn’t hear the emotion in his voice. He quietly replied, “I need you too.”

Once Steve’s car was shut off and locked, it was finally time to reunite with everyone. Eddie took a lot of motivation to even push the car door open, but he managed to step out and take a few deep breaths as he took in the view of the Wheeler residence.

“Nance made sure her parents weren’t home so everyone could talk about things they don’t need to listen in on. If you want to talk about what happened, y’know…”

“I don’t, but I probably will,” Eddie said plainly, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Trailing slowly behind Steve, he waited for him to knock and receive an answer. Much to his bewilderment, everyone was at the front door with smiling faces, cheering a cacophony of “surprise!”, and his name as if it were the best thing they’d ever heard. There were no grimacing faces, nobody upset to finally be back in his presence.

The abrupt noise made his heart jump, it was a lot to take in. Even during his processing this, attempting to look at Steve to see if he was in on the whole thing — a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, a chin on his shoulder. Eddie wasn’t sure who this was immediately, considering the crowd was a blur as he tried to make sense of it all, but from the brunette ringlets draping down the person’s back, he could only assume one person: Dustin.

He didn’t say anything, keeping his arms tightly wrapped around Eddie as if the slightest loosening of his arms would allow him to leave for years again. Soon, more arms began to wrap around him. It was overwhelming at first with all of the different sounds of people’s heavy breathing and laughter, the feeling of their hands all over him, the pressure of wheels pressing into his calves, but this is what he needed more than anything. Pure, unconditional love. Not a soul in the group holding him tight was angry that he abandoned the group. They understood him for all he was.

There were some tears after the group pulled apart, mostly from Steve being so moved by the whole thing. Once they did, Eddie could see who was there. All he could do was force back a smile as his eyes scanned the small crowd of people there for him. Of course, Robin and Nancy were there, but the kids that had grown up, too. Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Max, Erica, even the siblings that he had only met a few times, Will and El. Not wanting to cause unwarranted stares in her driveway, Nancy asked that everyone return inside and continued the festivities there. Upon entry, everyone, especially Erica and Dustin, wanted to ask him questions. About his life since he left, why he left in the first place, if he wanted to hear about theirs.

Of course he did, how could he refuse? Before he did, though, a few more special guests were spotted in Nancy’s kitchen, the dining table adorned with drinks and snacks and letters and gifts. Eddie could’ve sworn it was his birthday. Standing at the dining table was Gareth, “The Freak” and Jeff, all beaming at the sight of their estranged guitarist and vocalist.

Then came more hugs, the fallen-out band squeezing each other tightly. It was Eddie’s turn to let a tear fall now. Stretching his neck to glance at Steve amid the group hug, he was given a knowing glance. Steve had put it together with the help of Robin and Nancy. This was why he pushed so hard for him to come. To not only reunite with his friends but to surprise Eddie in more ways than one. After his moments of silence, he finally decided to speak up.

“I can’t believe this is real. Can someone pinch me or somethin’?” he asked jokingly, smacking away Max’s hand playfully when she actually went for it. He pulled out a chair and sat down, needing a moment to take it all in. From behind, Steve placed his hands on his shoulders and rubbed up and down, from the sides of his neck to the end of his collarbones.

“It’s real. We missed you so much, dude!” Dustin yelled out, taking his seat.
Soon, everybody was in a chair and sitting around the table in anticipation of Eddie explaining his grand reasoning behind his departure. Steve sat beside Eddie, of course, Robin sat beside Steve and Nancy sat beside Robin, so on and so on. There was a gap left between Lucas and Will that perfectly fit Max’s wheelchair. From where he sat, Eddie could see Lucas’ pinky linked with hers.

There were a few adjustments that needed to be made with so many people at a fairly small table, but they made it work even if it was compact. Everyone dug into the snacks and drinks on the table when Eddie noticed that a six-pack of Mtn Dew was sitting right in front of him. When he looked over at Steve, he knew that this was also a part of his plan. He definitely won the “Best Boyfriend Ever” competition. He leaned over and cupped a hand in front of his mouth, not wanting anyone to realize he was placing a kiss on Steve’s cheek and whispering to him.

“Should we tell them now that everything’s less… chaotic?” he asked, unsure if Steve wanted to come out to so many people so quickly.

“Yeah, let’s do it. What’s the worst that can happen? A few kids being jerks?” he joked, trying to ease the anxiety in his chest.

“Alright… shrimps, quiet down! I’ve got something to show you,” Eddie said, looking at Steve with love in his eyes. Everybody around the table looked intently since he finally seemed to be coming around from his anxious feelings, going right back to good old, intense Eddie.

Letting Steve nod to signal when he was ready, the two inched closer until their lips connected. Where he expected to hear gags and complaints and maybe even a few rude words hurled at them, Eddie was pleasurably surprised. Sure, there were gasps, but the entire table was in a mixture of confusion and congratulation, eventually ending in everyone cheering, whistling and clapping.

“I didn’t know you were gay, Steve,” Erica said, genuinely surprised.

“Oh — I’m actually bisexual… I think. Still super into girls, but… Guys are cool too, obviously,” Steve said, looking at Eddie with a smile. Due to pressure from the table, the two explained the story of how they reunited, fell out, reunited again, fell out again, and how they got to where they were now. Robin was the first to comment on how their romance story seemed like it came right out of a cheesy rom-com, and playfully droned on about how her and Nancy’s was far sweeter.

The entire table was beaming with happiness. It was just like old times even if Eddie and Steve would be returning to Indiana by the end of the day. How wonderful it was to see all of his old friends grow up into mature teenagers, still as caring as the day he left them.

“I’m really glad you’re back, Eddie. Even just for now,” Lucas said, standing up from his place at the table to ensnare him in a brotherly hug. No matter what anybody said or how much time had passed, Eddie was one of his closest friends… and his terrifying Dungeon Master.

“Me too, man. I’m sorry about falling off the face of the earth like that,” he said, feeling the cheerful mood of the table slowly start to grow more serious as they listened to his explanation. “I just couldn’t stand to be in Hawkins anymore. Not when I was like that, y’know? Knowing people want you dead and your friends see you as something fragile really messes with your head, dude. I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

A period of silence grew between everyone, nobody knew quite what to say immediately. Their responses needed to be calculated. This wasn’t something as simple as a quick reassurance you’d give to a child.

“That’s totally okay. We were just worried about you, that’s why all of us came to visit you in the first place, right?” Jeff asked, looking around with a hard glance, waiting for everyone to agree. He noticed Eddie’s head focused on his shoes under the table, going inside himself after the vulnerability. He wanted to bring him out of it, as did everyone else. After Jeff’s encouragement, everyone began nodding and agreeing. Steve wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulders as he said he would and leaned in for a quick peck, assuring him nobody held his hiatus from the friend group against him.

“I’m not the best with sincerity, but we really do care about you. Even if you’re a runaway,” said Max. The scars around her eyes were barely noticeable when they crinkled up with a genuine smile.

“Thanks, Red,” Eddie replied, reaching over to give her a caring pat on the head.

Over the next hour or two, everyone in the group took their turns explaining what had happened in their lives during Eddie’s absence. Even though he was happy to hear that Dustin, Mike and Lucas were the new leaders of Hellfire Club and Erica worked as their recruiter, or that his old bandmates were thinking of starting up again, he couldn’t shake the feeling of loneliness. Sitting at a table full of people, he felt so lonely and lost knowing they had moved on. He didn’t expect anybody to stay behind for him, but it still ached in a way he couldn’t explain.

When they asked him how his life went after fleeing Hawkins, he told them everything — good and bad. The table went through a series of different emotions during his explanation, feeling for him, glaring at Steve at some points and celebrating his achievement of finally showing up. By the end of it when the chatter had died down and people were talking amongst themselves, Eddie popped open a can of Mtn Dew and chugged half of it. His throat was drying out considering he hadn’t talked this much in ages.

Noticing his discomforted expression and constant rubbing of his throat, Steve leaned in and asked if he needed a break. He quickly agreed and let the group know he’d be in the backyard for some fresh air, to which no one objected. Nancy and Robin quickly trailed behind, leaving the kids and the Corroded Coffin members to their accord.

“I can call their moms if you want, send them on their way,” Nancy offered, sitting in one of five chairs around a fire pit that had gone unused for years. One by one, Eddie, Steve and Robin all sat down, too. The one empty chair was Holly’s as it was smaller than the rest, no one could fit in it.

“I don’t want to be a drag. They only got here a few hours ago,” Eddie protested, sighing as he leaned back in the chair. “They just got me back, I don’t want them to think I’m leaving again.”

“They won’t think that. Sometimes you need space,” Robin jumped in. “When I get overwhelmed, Nance leaves me alone because she knows that’s what I need. That doesn’t mean she hates me or wants to break up with me, she just wants me to be okay. Don’t worry about what they think, do what you need.”

“I think that’s the wisest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Steve said, giggling when Robin reached over to smack the back of his head. This waged a war between the four of them, leaving them to chase each other around for (jokingly) hurting the other’s partner. After a few minutes of this, all of them were winded, even Steve. Eddie had calmed down considerably since he came outside, letting the fresh autumn air brush through his hair and chill his cheeks. He hadn’t felt this good being around people other than Steve and Wayne in years, it was a nice adjustment.

“I think I’m gonna go wrap it up with the kids and the band, I want to crack open a beer. You do have beer, right, Wheeler?” Eddie asked plainly, only getting up from the chair and going to walk inside when Nancy nodded. Before he could, Steve grabbed him by the hem of his shirt and looked at him lovingly. “Do you need me to come with you?” he asked.

“I’m a big boy, Steve. Don’t worry about me,” Eddie reassured him, turning his eyes back to Nancy. “Actually, can you come with me? I dunno where anything is in your kitchen and I don’t want to make a mess.”

Not wanting her parents to come home to a trashed kitchen, Nancy agreed. Before they were swept back into the house, she placed a swift kiss on Robin’s temple and left her and Steve to reconnect. The two didn’t need words to communicate. When Robin lunged forward with open arms, Steve returned the gesture and wrapped himself around her with love. He missed her so much.

“I’m so happy to see you, dingus,” Robin said, clinging to the baggy pullover that covered him.

“I’m surprised you haven’t shriveled up and died because of how long I’ve been gone.”

“Who says I haven’t? Maybe I’m just a clone sent down to spy on you,” Robin joked, wiggling her fingers in his face like a stranger creature.

“I wouldn’t put that past you, you little alien,” he shot back, leaving himself defenseless as Robin resumed chasing him around the backyard as she did minutes ago. When Steve ran inside and around corners to avoid Robin’s playful fury, he ended up bumping into Nancy who ended up bumping into an entire chain of people that ended with Eddie spilling the rest of his beer on the floor.

That was it. Cornered by his best friends and boyfriend, ready to get back at him for his actions. After a few more minutes of chasing that included getting the kids and Eddie’s old bandmates to join in, Steve was completely defenseless. Collapsing on the Wheelers’ carpeted living room floor out of breath, Eddie flopped down beside him and patted his cheek.

“Didn’t anybody ever tell you to watch where you’re going?” he joked, leaning over to quickly kiss his cheek.

“You guys make me want to throw up,” Erica said with a laugh, looking at the two in the huddle of kids and adults that stood around them.

“Move, Harrington! We’re in projectile vomit territory!” Eddie cried out, getting up from the floor as quickly as his aching body would allow him to. The crowd around them dissolved and eventually met back up at the kitchen for a farewell. The sun had begun to set and the adults knew that the kids’ parents would be upset to have them out past dark, especially Will and El.

One by one, Eddie was given a quick hug by all of the kids. Even Mike, who wasn’t much of a touchy guy, swung his arms around Eddie and gripped as tight as he could. Then came the bandmates. They figured that if the kids were going, they’d better be on their way, too. Eddie got sidetracked and talked to them about a music festival no one outside of the circle had heard of, and then they were gone. Steve guessed he’d hear about it later when they got home.

Soon, everybody was gone except Mike, who was shooed off to his room when Nancy told him they’d be bringing out alcohol — a simple fib considering Steve and Eddie needed to get home soon and therefore couldn’t drink anymore, but she threatened to tell their parents about an apparent secret stash of something if he said anything. After that, he remained in his room for the rest of the night. The four of them decided to sit around and watch a movie Robin had begged Keith to keep rather than rent which was a struggle, considering she wasn’t an employee of Family Video anymore. Weekend at Bernie’s. A stupid movie, yes, but it was also one of those movies that Nancy would fall asleep in the middle of, and that meant Robin had more time to snuggle up close to her.

By the time it was over, Steve was wiping tears of laughter from his eyes and Eddie was rolling his own at him, shaking his head at the absolute ridiculousness of the entire thing. A pair of sunglasses convincing multiple people a dead guy isn’t really dead? Come on. He had the odd chuckle here and there, but it was painfully silly. Hearing snores, he looked back and saw Robin and Nancy holding each other dearly, both snoring in each other’s faces.

“Oh, now this is comedy gold. I wish I had a camera,” Eddie whispered, nudging Steve in the shoulder to witness the two sleepy girlfriends.

“You kind of look like Robin when you sleep,” he replied with a smile. “You both have that hung-open-mouth snore thing going on.”

“If I have to tell you to shut up one more time, I swear,” Eddie joked, walking into the kitchen to grab something. A notepad and pen he saw sitting on the counter when Nancy helped him find the beer.

“What are you doing with that?”

“Do you think I’m gonna smack you with it? I’m just writing a note to let them know we’re leaving, babe,” Eddie said, a small smile stuck on his lips as he wrote to Robin and Nancy.

Babe.

“I’ll get the car started. We don’t want to get home too late even if I don’t work tomorrow,” Steve said, placing a kiss on Eddie’s hair and swiping his keys off of the dining room table.

The note was written, the VHS tape was taken out of the TV, Mike was given a quick goodbye from Steve and Eddie and they were on their way. The sky had gone from a pinkish orange to a deep, navy blue ocean in the time that they had started and finished the movie. The only sound aside from their walking feet was that of grasshoppers and crickets, maybe the odd rodent rummaging around in the trees. It was peaceful. The night had gone a lot better than Eddie would have imagined, and a lot of that was because of Steve’s ability to not only keep a secret, but to bring out the best in him.

Once they got inside the car, Eddie sighed in relief. Even if reuniting with everyone was one of the best moments of his life, he was exhausted, to say the least. Steve caught onto this while he turned the key, choosing to stay parked while he asked Eddie how he was feeling.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asked, knowing what his answer would be. “I told you it’d be okay! You talked with everyone, we came out… I’d say today was a success.”

“Yeah, thank you… I mean it,” Eddie responded quietly. “We need to come back soon. I told the guys about a music festival I saw in the paper and thought it’d be nice for them to tag along. Maybe I can even bring one of the kids.”

“We’ll come back the first week of next month, I promise. That’s when I get paid. Is that a good time frame for your devil music festival?” Steve joked.

“…Yes, yes it is, Steven,” He had more to say after he watched Steve grimace in annoyance, but the second part took a bit more effort. “I love you, Stevie.”

“…I love you,” he replied, expression growing soft. They had already shared these three words before, so many times, but it still felt so fresh. Like a reassurance you didn’t know you needed, those three words confirmed that you didn’t need to worry about the person you saw forever with.

Finally turning the car on and pulling out of Nancy’s driveway, Steve’s free hand naturally went to Eddie’s thigh, lightly massaging the scarred skin beneath the rips of his jeans. This was what love was supposed to feel like. It didn’t need to be constantly extravagant dates and beautiful words spoken. It could be slow, gentle. An action you didn’t see coming but still welcomed with open arms because the person you love was their giver.

Placing his hand on top of Steve’s, Eddie looked at him with a glint of love in his eyes. He didn't know love could feel this good.

Chapter Text

Three years later, June 1992.

The light pressed against the windows just right, breaching the glass and leaving Eddie’s large art studio warm from the sun’s rays. He was a few years out of college and a few months of being a painter that became the topic of conversation in all artist circles nationwide — worldwide, even.

This sudden surge of fame came when he got in contact with a local business that was holding a small exhibition to showcase the artistry of Fort Wayne, Indiana, his new home; it snowballed from there. It was a painting, of course. A remake of the one he had submitted as a final to his professor when he was in college. The one he did of Steve, except for the black handprint across his face. He decided to take the idea of a portrait and turn Steve into somewhat of a Vitruvian Man, all of his form drawn with love and pride in mind. When it was done, after many all-nighters and coffees chugged to stop his eyelids from drooping, he added some complementary details. Where the shadows hit the hardest, he pressed a wet brush coated with all different colors into the opaque shading and watched it drip down the canvas.

It seemed almost juvenile where creativity was concerned, but much to his surprise, the public loved it. Loved the intimacy and portrayal of whatever it was the viewer saw in it. Eddie liked to leave it up to interpretation even if he had his own idea of his paintings. Thus came the money and the new house and the auctions and the public appearances, however terrifying, where he explained his works’ meanings to his fans.

Currently, he sat shirtless on a plush velvet stool that stood in the middle of the studio, the top half of his scarred form on full display. He was beginning the newest and final installment of a series of three paintings that was supposed to show the rise, fall and growth of man. This one currently went unnamed. His thin paintbrush flicked across the canvas he had tinted baby blue with a thin layer of watered-down paint. He was only blocking in colors for now. Different tones of the same pinkish color spread across the canvas to resemble somewhat of a man, an extremely familiar one, facing away from the viewer.

The one who inspired his particular form of artistry came quietly into the studio, the strokes of sunlight caressing his features in a way that accentuated his beauty even more. Unlike Eddie, he was fully dressed — maybe even overdressed. Tonight, they had a special event to attend. He figured a bow tie was necessary. Eddie was just catching up on overdue work before they had to leave.

“We’re going to be late if you spend any more time on that painting, babe. Two hour drive, remember?” he complained, stroking the long, frizzy strands that now reached down to his shoulder blades.

“I know, I know. Just give me five more minutes, Stevie.”

“Ugh, fine. I’d tell you to put a shirt on, but I’d be missing the view,” he said, dipping down to place a quick kiss on his shoulder before cheekily whistling at his life partner’s bare chest.

As per usual when Steve flirted with him, even four years down the line, Eddie rolled his eyes even if his stomach turned the same way it did when they reunited in college all that time ago. He finished blocking in the final bits of color until he ended up with something not too shy of a physical form. It looked human, almost. Just the look he was going for.

The event in particular was something of Robin’s design. After years of hard work and pushing through a male-dominated industry, Nancy had started her own newspaper that was beginning to be printed all across Indiana and some West Coast states: Cutting-Edge Coverage. It was a struggle at first, but she got it up and running. A woman-owned and led paper that kept the other women of America in on state-wide issues, events and anything else you’d see in a regular paper. The idea that stemmed from Robin’s peculiar mind was a grand opening in front of the small space Nancy had rented out as the newspaper’s main location in Indianapolis. Not only that, but a marching band to celebrate — who better to organize such a thing than Robin?

Amazing accomplishment aside, everybody who held any significance in their lives would be there, why wouldn’t they show up to celebrate? Dropping his paintbrush in a tall cup of water, Eddie stretched his aching back and walked out of the studio, rushing to get ready before Steve nagged him for the fifth time that morning.

The event was a success, to say the least. There was a group of angry protesters across the road claiming the paper was “divisive,” but Robin ended up blowing her trumpet in their faces and shutting them up for a while. Nancy was all smiles the entire afternoon and she even got to cut the large, red ribbon placed in front of the building with comically large scissors. Even though he was, and would forever be, anxious in front of large gatherings, Eddie immediately swooped in to give her the biggest hug he could muster — whispering congratulations in her ear as he pulled her close.

After the ceremony and the marching band and the cheering, Eddie and Steve decided to hang around for a few more hours. They hadn’t seen the duo or any of their other friends, kids who had grown into sensible adults, or the new metal group that went on without him (no hard feelings were shared,) in months. It was just like last time, a large reunion between friends. Asking each other how they were and how life was treating them. They didn’t want to brag, but life was going pretty damn well for both of them. With enough money to last for years down the line, Eddie could pay for anything he wanted. That included new art supplies, guitars, clothes and D&D collectibles he wanted as a kid but couldn’t afford. He could afford therapy now, too. Even if he had to fib about his trauma’s origins. His name was finally being held with some ounce of respect and he had a gorgeous, gorgeous boyfriend who was starting to get back into his old interests on his own terms. He played basketball and enjoyed swimming when he wasn’t forced into it for social status, he did it because he wanted to now.

When the sun began to set, the two said their goodbyes to all of their friends who attended and congratulated Nancy again for her amazing accomplishment. Eddie personally gave Robin an encouraging elbow in the ribs and commented on the awesome stunt she pulled on the protesters.

Another two hour drive felt worse than Russian military base torture, or so Steve said. Eddie knew that was his way of coping, so he just played along with his own joke about demobats eating half his chest off being more favorable. After the laughter died down, he turned to Steve, his expression softening.

“We’re really messed up, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah, but at least we have each other. You understand all my crazy shit and I understand yours. Matching scars, remember?”

“Matching scars. How equally romantic and morbid,” he joked, leaving the car to be filled with giggles once more.

When the car ride was finally over, they groaned and moaned about their aching joints being in such a cramped position for so long. Neither of them were in their thirties yet, however eagerly creeping, but they felt like they were in their eighties from the state of their bodies. Stumbling inside and pulling out champagne flutes, Steve stretched a few more times to get that stiffness out of his back and knees.

“Would you care for a drink, Mr. Famous Painter With A Hot Boyfriend?” Steve asked, holding up an expensive bottle of Bollinger he was gifted at one of Eddie’s exhibitions.

“Sorry, are you talking to me? I don’t recall having a hot boyfriend,” he says, approaching Steve and snaking an arm around his waist, pulling him close. “I could make you one if you let me.”

“We’ve been together this long and you still make that dumb joke,” Steve shook his head with a smile, pouring out some champagne for the both of them. Raising his flute and clinking it with Eddie’s, they both drank it down quickly to avoid a taste they were trying to grow accustomed to.

“What a day, man,” Eddie sighed, grabbing Steve’s hand and playing with the promise ring on his fourth finger.

“I didn’t expect to reach this stage of my life so quickly, but it’s…” he paused his words to check his watch, thankfully on the other hand. “Eight forty-two, and I already want to get to bed.”

“I wouldn’t mind that. Gotta make sure I’m well-rested and you get some beauty sleep for tomorrow — I need you to pose for me,” said Eddie, grabbing Steve’s empty flute and his own and placing them in the sink to be dealt with in the morning.

Turning around and sticking out his backside, Steve posed as instructed and blew a kiss. Eddie rolled his eyes and smacked his arm, reminding him he needed to pose tomorrow, not now. After some playful complaints about how Eddie didn’t appreciate his beautiful form, they found themselves tangled in bed, too lazy to kick off anything but their shoes and ties which were left at the locked front door. When he rolled onto his side, Eddie pressed up behind him, running his fingers up and down his clothed torso and wondering how he got so lucky.

This man, who was an enemy more than once, a friend at different times and now his lover, was someone he’d never expect to keep so close to his heart. The douchey jock from high school was gone, though. In some ways, they were both different people as the years passed, for better or worse. New versions of themselves replaced with kinder, gentler, more loving people. People who learned to embrace love rather than run from it, which included loving themselves, too. The version of Steve that had come to be over the years made him smile in the mornings when he realized the place where he slept wasn’t empty. The bed still warm from his presence.

When he heard soft breathing come from Steve’s sleeping body, feeling his lungs expand and deflate from behind, Eddie couldn’t be more grateful. Placing a kiss filled with all the love he could muster on his shoulder, once again wrapping an arm around his waist, he said six simple words before joining him in sleep.

“Goodnight, my muse. I love you.”