Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Wed 1 May (1:34pm)

Oh boy. Can we reschedule our lunch meeting? Got pee drops on my khakis again. I know. Don’t ask. Dinner later? My treat.

(1:35)

Who the fuck is this? Why do we have a meeting? And, most importantly, did you seriously fucking pee your pants? 

(1:37)

God, sorry! New phone, wrong number! Please forget you read this.

(1:38)

You’re seriously not telling me how you managed to pee yourself while standing in the bathroom, huh? Come on. The information is already out there.

(1:39)

You’re oddly interested in this part of the story for someone I don’t know. And how do you know I was standin’?

(1:41)

You peed yourself. You must be a man. Usually is the bunch that comes with the stupidity.

(1:42)

Actually. You’re right. 

(1:45)

Usually am.

(1:46)

So? Is that what happened? Just a yes or no question.

(1:50)

You’re asking too many questions for a stranger.

(1:51)

You were the one to text me first. Besides, I’m bored.

(1:53)

Sorry about that again! Bummer to hear how bored you are, but I gotta run. Change of clothes and all that. Nice chatting with you, stranger!

(1:55)

Meh. You could’ve been my one entertainment for today. Good luck with them pants, pee-pee man.

—

Wed 8 May (1:24pm)

It’s actually pretty common for grown men to wet their pants while using the bathroom. I Googled. Nothing to be ashamed about.

(1:26)

…Who is this?

(1:27)

Wrong number from last week.

(1:28)

Stranger! Bored again?

(1:29)

See. You do remember me.

(1:31)

Never said I didn’t. 

(1:31)

Same day and time as last week, huh.

(1:33)

Yes. It’s called “weekly work meeting”.

(1:35)

Shouldn’t you be paying attention?

(1:37)

Already know all this. Big numbers, this much in profit, lawyers will be in touch, blah blah blah. Nothing new. 

(1:38)

Sounds like a serious job.

(1:39)

Nothing serious about grown men kicking a ball.

(1:40)

Dang, your job involves soccer?!

(1:41)

Football.

(1:42)

So you’re British, huh. 

(1:43)

This is a phone number registered in London area. What did you expect? 

(1:44)

Something tells me you’re not from this land. 

(1:45)

I’ll give you two hints: sparklin’ red shoes and a dog named Toto.

(1:46)

Gross. 

(1:47)

C’mon now. 

(1:48)

Hey, you work with Beckham?

(1:49)

That’s confidential. But no.

(1:50)

Too bad. Was hoping maybe you’d ‘wannabe’ my next step to the Spice Girls. Ha!

(1:51)

You’re weird.

(1:52)

You’re the one who keeps talkin’ to me.

(1:53)

And you keep replying.

(1:55)

Should I change my phone number? You one of those stalkers Scream 1, 2, 3 style that comes in the middle of the night with a knife askin’ what’s my favorite scary movie?

(1:56)

God. Should I change *my* number? That’s oddly specific. 

(1:57)

There’s more Scream movies than that by now. 

(1:57)

Couldn’t keep up. First three scared me for life. It was like watching the news channel. 

(1:57)

Scream is not scary. The Exorcist is scary. 

(1:58)

But people who pee on themselves and text about it afterwards scare me more.

(2:00)

Heck, let this piece of information die already.

(2:05)

You’ve got 5 minutes left.

(2:05)

What for?

(2:06)

The end of my meeting.

(2:06)

Oh. Your meeting with Harry Kane.

(2:07)

You Googled that name, didn’t you?

(2:07)

Oh yes.

(2:07)

Ted.

(2:08)

…Drake? Dead footballer from last century?

(2:08)

What? No. My name is Ted.

(2:09)

Ok, why not.

(2:10)

…Aaaand now it’s the part where you tell me your name back.

(2:12)

Really?

(2:13)

Now that’s a mean move! Definitely something crazy stalker from Scream would do!

(2:15)

See you this time around next week, Ted!

(2:16)

And you say I’m the weird one.

Wed 17 May (1:45pm)

Ted.

(1:45)

Teeeed.

(1:46)

What is Ted short for? Edward?

(1:50)

Theodore.

(1:51)

Theodoreeee.

(1:55)

Do you just like my name or do you need somethin’?

(1:57)

Why do you keep eating your ‘g’s?

(1:58)

Huh?

(1:59)

Somethin’? 

(2:01)

Like I said, American.

(2:04)

If you’re American, why is your STD code registered in the London area?

(2:06)

Now that’s just giving too much about myself. 

(2:07)

Again, not a killer. 

(2:08)

Sure. 

(2:10)

Someone’s grumpy today.

(2:11)

What happened? Did you pee your pants again? 

(2:13)

We’re still doin’ this?

(2:15)

Starting where we left off last week. 

(2:17)

I’m really not in the mood today.

(2:18)

Want to share? 

(2:20)

I though you were in the sport biz, not psychology. 

(2:22)

I heard talking to strangers might help. 

(2:24)

I’m not into that. 

(2:28)

Rebecca.

(2:30)

Excuse me?

(2:31)

My name.

(2:32)

Ok, why not.

(2:34)

Ha. You think you’re so clever. 

(2:35)

Now we’re not strangers anymore. Go on. 

(2:37)

Lots of Rebeccas I don’t know. Still a stranger. 

(2:40)

Ted.

(2:44)

Could you just focus on your own activities for once and stop using me for distraction? 

(2:50)

Ok. 

(2:51)

Sorry for bothering you. 

Wed 24 May (1:00pm)

Hey, Rebecca. I want to apologize about last week. I don’t want to make any excuses, there’s none. Not to being that much of a $#%@&head. Wasn’t on my best state of mind. I’m truly sorry. Can we try again?

(1:05)

Who is this?

(1:07)

You go on texting other people Wednesday afternoons? I thought that was our thing! 

(1:10)

Do we have a thing?

(1:12)

Now we do. 

(1:15)

So?

(1:16)

Shoot. 

(1:18)

About last week. 

(1:20)

Oh. Yeah. Crappy week. 

(1:22)

Can I say the offer still stands or will you snap at me again?

(1:25)

Do we really wanna do that?

(1:26)

Do what?

(1:28)

Details. Personal stuff. Real life feelings. 

(1:30)

Ted.

(1:31)

Rebecca. 

(1:33)

Why do you keep texting me?

(1:34)

You keep texting me!

(1:36)

Oh, for God’s sake. The he-said, she-said it’s getting annoying. You came back and started it again today. Why? 

(1:39)

Well, I don’t know that, do I!

(1:40)

Lovely.

(1:50)

Dang it. Listen. I miss home. Been livin’ in England for the past couple of months and I miss the familiarity of knowing how roads work and bein’ sure if it’s gonna rain or not. I’m in charge of a job I don’t understand. I’ve been having panic attacks as y’all have tea and it’s hell when you’re alone to deal with the aftershock. 

(1:52)

Also, last week, that very same Wednesday, was the day I signed my divorce papers. 

(1:53)

Is that what you wanna talk about? 

(1:59)

I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have thrown it all at you like this. 

(2:00)

You were betrayed. 

(2:02)

What?

(2:04)

By the jiggle. You know. I heard men jiggle to prevent themselves from going out with pee drops on pants, but sometimes you trust too freely and forget to check. So I heard. Was that what happened? 

(2:05)

Sorry. That was an inappropriate time to try and make a joke. 

(2:07)

Thank you. 

(2:10)

For apologizing?

(2:13)

For making me smile. I like jokes. 

(2:15)

😊

(2:16)

Woah, is that an emoji? Are you an emoji user?!

(2:18)

Can’t help if I become unserious when I’m nervous. 

(2:19)

Nervous, huh? 

(2:20)

Shut up. 

(2:21)

Aaaand there she is! Back in the game! 

(2:22)

Have to go. Duty calls. 

(2:23)

Next week?

(2:24)

Can’t wait. 🤠

Chapter Text

Wed 22 May (2:30pm)

Is this weird? This is weird, right?

(2:33)

Good afternoon, Ted. Hello to you too. 

(2:33)

Hey ya. 

(2:35)

You were saying?

(2:36)

Weird. This. Don't you think so? I've never had weekly virtual dates with a stranger before, let alone through text message. 

(2:36) 

Pandemic zoom meetings don’t count. God, that was an awful time for all of us as humanity. The depressing feeling of singing happy birthday to your laptop screen. 

(2:37)

A date? My my, had I known this was a date I would've worn something else.

(2:42)

This is the part where you chime in with a heartfelt “God no, you look stunning!”

(2:42)

Which I do by the way.

(2:43)

I trust your word for it. 

(2:43)

Even though I have no idea what you look like.

(2:44)

Details, Ted. 

(2:45)

You were the one who mentioned details first, with all your “So-btw-I’m-Rebecca-And-We’re-Not-Strangers-Anymore”, if I remember correctly.

(2:46)

Don’t make me regret trying to help you out.

(2:48)

Wouldn’t want that. After all, I told you my most secretive secrets. And I don’t even know you! 

(2:49)

And now I know you hate England and your job but I still don’t know your last name. Isn’t the new age of technology just lovely?

(2:50)

Oh, I could’ve shared so much more if it wasn’t for your sudden attempt to make a joke. 

(2:53)

I've got no problems with details, you know?

(2:56)

Is that so?

(2:56)

Oh yeah. 

(2:58)

Noted. I'm gonna remember that. For next time.

(2:59)

Shoot, the clock strikes twelve. Or, in this case, three. It’s funny because I do get the feeling that you physically vanish when you’re gone, like a modern take of Cinderella (Hilary Duff’s version, not Camila Cabello’s). Or, you know. A ghost summoned only on Wednesdays. 

(3:02)

Wouldn’t you love to know. 

(3:03)

Goodbye, Ted. 

(3:04)

Have fun at the royal ball! Be careful on those stairs, pay attention to your shoes! Or not! How else would a prince be able to find you later?

(3:08) 

Such a dork.

(3:10)

😛

Sun 26 May (11:35am)

Do you ever pass through Buckingham Palace and wonder if the Queen is inside taking a nap surrounded by ten corgi dogs?

(11:45)

You keep on initiating text chains with the weirdest takes.

(11:46)

Wait a second. 

(11:46)

It’s not Wednesday and it’s not afternoon. 

(11:47)

I'm going rogue.

(11:48)

Like the great Star Wars movie. 

(11:52)

Ted. 

(11:53)

The Queen is dead. You know that, right? It’s important to me that you know that. 

(11:54)

THE QUEEN IS WHAT?!

(11:55)

I refuse to be the one to talk you over about this.

(11:56)

Are you in the Westminster area right now?

(11:56)

Definitely something a crazy stalker would ask.

(11:57)

I thought we were over the serial killer paranoia.

(11:58)

Just wondering if you could be one of the thousands around me right now. Wouldn’t that be something? The fact we’re texting each other and without realizing we’re 2 feet away. 

(11:59)

DEFINITELY the Hilary Duff version of Cinderella. 

(12:00pm)

Is that the Ted way of trying to find out if I live downtown London?

(12:01)

Is it working?

(12:02)

No.

(12:02)

Then no.

Wed 31 May (2:25pm)

Hey, mind if I ask you somethin’?

(2:27)

...I’ve gotta teach you about English politeness. Good afternoon! How are you? I’m ok, thank you. You? 

(2:29)

Yeah, yeah, my mom taught me better than that. But we’re here every week and it’s almost 3pm, the time you vanish, so I’m saving some time.

(2:32)

Is it personal?

(2:33)

What is?

(2:33)

Your question.

(2:34)

Yeah. I guess.

(2:36)

What about you being against details to strangers?

(2:38)

Just like the stalker subject, I thought we covered that last week. 

(2:38)

You said you'd remember.

(2:40)

I did, but I was thinking more in terms of getting information off you, not the other way around.

(2:41)

Reeeeebeeeeccaaa. C’mon.

(2:42)

Okay. Jesus. No need to get whiny.

(2:43)

Okay?

(2:43)

Okay.

(2:44)

How old are you?

(2:47)

That's it? That's what you’re nervous about, this big personal question?

(2:47)

Woah, who said anything about life-changing.

(2:48)

How old do I sound like?

(2:49)

No ma’am, I’m not falling for that one. It’s strategy 101, answering a question with another question. Besides. Age related matters are dangerous zones. It’s Battleship on game night and there’s a bomb waiting to be stepped in in C3. 

(2:50)

Excuse me? Now I really want to know your answer to that one.

(2:51)

I asked first!

(2:55)

This is ridiculous. Why do I feel nervous about sharing a number? I don’t know you, it really doesn’t matter. 

(2:56)

I’m 45.

(2:56)

Okay. :) 

(2:58)

?? That’s it? You go on and on about Battleship and Scream 1, 2, 3 but “okay” is all I get?

(3:01)

Are you going to say it back or what?

(3:02)

Are you asking?

(3:02)

Are you usually this obnoxious?

(3:03)

Yes.

(3:04)

I’m 46. 

(3:04)

Oh, thank fuck.

(3:06)

Now what’s that supposed to mean?!

(3:10)

Ever since you mentioned age I was at the edge of my seat thinking “what if this is a CHILD?”. I don’t want to get cancelled again. 

(3:12)

How many children do you know that get to sign divorce papers and work a full time job? England is so peculiar. 

(3:15)

And I’m sorry, cancelled online *again*?

(3:16)

Met a guy once. Online dating. Found out he was 21. Didn’t end well. 

(3:17)

Why am I telling you this? 

(3:18)

This is why I don’t stay past 3pm. 

(3:20)

Hey, you’re still here! 

(3:23)

Online dating, huh? 😏

(3:24)

Fuck off with the cheeky emoji. 

(3:25)

Okay, so... Rebecca, 45, London based, works in sports, dates younger men, tries on online dating, so probably single… Sends emojis when nervous, appreciates sarcasm and likes horror movies. 

(3:26)

Impressive, Holmes. You know how to read. 

(3:27)

Oh yeah, I forgot “crotchety"!

(3:28)

Remind me why I keep talking to you.

(3:29)

Because I'm irresistibly fun and charming? 

(3:29)

Please.

(3:11)

Because I'm oh-so mysterious and you can't help but be intrigued by my cliffhangers?

(3:11)

Stop it, now you're just embarrassing yourself.

(3:12)

I got it. Because our texts are the best thing about your day!

(3:16)

Ha! You're really thinking about this one, aren't you?

(3:16)

You wish.

(3:17)

To quote the most amazing thing your country ever introduced to the world: let it be, ma’am. ;) 

(3:18)

Hm. 

(3:18)

Woah. Rebecca, are you speechless? Did I do that? You don’t say!

(3:18)

We’re done for today.

(3:19)

C’mon, you’re not gonna leave me hangin’! 

(3:20)

See you next time, Ted. 

(3:21)

You can't just leave whenever things get real!

(3:22)

Oh, you have no idea. I’m the queen of leaving when things get real. 

(3:23)

What’s that supposed to mean? Rebecca, is that another detail?

(3:26)

You're already gone, aren't you?

(3:30)

Which doesn't actually make sense. It’s not like you walk away from your phone - who does that? It’s probably buzzing inside your pocket right now. You don’t just put it inside a drawer for a week.

(3:35) 

Unless it’s a burner phone and you are, in fact, a criminal. But then again, I texted you first, so what are the chances?

(3:36)
So you're just ignoring me at this point.

(3:37)

Which is fine.

(3:38)

No, it’s not! It’s rude! And you were the one to talk about manners! 

(3:40)

I'm really just talking to myself now, right? 

(3:41)

Okay.

Sun 3 June (9:55am)

Isn’t it weird that now the Queen is dead there’s actually a King. King of England. Doesn’t sit right with me. What about the corgis?

(10:00)

Are you on crack?

(10:02)

It's 10am on a Sunday!

(10:04)

Exactly my point. It's 10am. On a Sunday. Why are you texting me?

(10:05)

Come on.

(10:08)

...What about the corgis, Ted?

(10:10)

Did they manage to keep all her corgis? You think they call them by name? Someone explained to the damn dogs that the old lady is dead?! 

(10:12)

Am I on crack?

(10:13)

Dunno. Are you?

(10:17)

You're in the Westminster area again, are you? Probably St James's Park, if you have that good view of Buckingham Palace to ramble about things like this. 

(10:18)

Is this where you hang out every Sunday morning?

(10:19)

And where do all these questions come from? Always. You must be on drugs. 

(10:20)

I'm serious!

(10:21)

I'm sure you are, which is what makes it stranger.

(10:22)

Why don't you just Google it? I bet Google, unlike me, is a morning person.

(10:26)

You know what I think? I feel like people stopped thinkin’ ‘bout stuff the moment Google came around. Before or after that green JLo dress, I’m not sure, but somewhere in the middle. Like when people stopped sending letters when email was invented. What if everyone just relied on the Internet all the time for information? Fake news, it’s a huge ongoing problem in society these days. It's a dead end, I’m telling you. 

(10:28)

God.

(10:29)

Listen. Go back to bed. Before you hurt yourself - or someone else. Can you do that?

(10:31)

That wouldn’t answer my questions, would it?

(10:33)

You’re worried about fucking Welsh Corgis that cost more than your life insurance. I think we’ll survive this one.

(10:35)

Will we though? What if today is the day forever known as the day a pack of furious corgis took over London and started attackin’ people on the streets because they’re too mad their leader is dead and no one told them? Could you live with yourself then?

(10:37)

What the fuck are you?

(10:38)

I’m adorable.

(10:40)

I’ll have to sleep on that one.

(10:42)

I need to get coffee and a bagel or else I will go and find the next corgi on the street and you do not want to know what's gonna happen then.

(10:44)

…so not a morning person! Noted.

(10:45)

What makes you think that? 

(10:45)

You’re taking notes now?

(10:45)

😎

(10:46)

Why do I start to think that you just enjoy exasperating me?

(10:47)

I have to say, it’s so easy doing so.

(10:48)

Does that mean I win this round?

(10:50)

Would that shut you up?

(10:51)

Absolutely not.

(10:52)

…

(10:58)

Go get that coffee, Rebecca!

Chapter Text

Tues 06 Jun (1:33pm)

Worst day of the week.

(1:55)

Mondays?

(1:57)

No. Tuesdays.

(1:59)

Do you usually go against the tide just to be different or is that really how you feel?

(2:03)

I don't hate Tuesdays ironically. What am I, a hipster on Twitter? Just don’t like ‘em. Genuinely.

(2:04)

Why’s that?

(2:06)

‘Cause they're pointless.

(2:08)

Care to elaborate?

(2:15)

So everyone knows what to expect when it comes to Mondays, right? You go back to work or whatever you go back to on your Mondays and it sucks but you know it's supposed to suck and that it sucks for everyone. Especially because it’s after Sundays and Sundays are bittersweet days, great until noon, depressive afterwards. And then there’s Mondays. You know how to deal with ‘em and you've got some common ground. People like hating on Mondays. It's a vibe, it’s a group sport. And then it's over and you think “Cool, we survived another Monday!” But then Tuesday comes around and the group sport is forgotten because “Calm down, it's just a Tuesday, just Monday’s cooler cousin” and it's useless. It's not the beginning of the week, it's not the middle of the week and dang, it sure isn't the end of the week! It just is. There! It just is and it sucks.

(2:20)

Wow.

(2:21)

That was...

(2:26)

You read the word “elaborate” and really went to town with it. I’m not sure why I’m so surprised.

(2:26)

Are you sure this is a general thing and not a tiny bit personal?

(2:27)

Positive. As general as believing Beyoncé’s the biggest star in the world.

(2:30)

So nothing out of the ordinary happened today? Nothing at all?

(2:31)

No, ma’am.

(2:33)

I think I liked you better when you were sunshine and rainbows.

(2:35)

Maybe I don't feel like sunshine today. Maybe today I'm cloudy with sunny shy intervals. Would that still be okay?

(2:36)

Sure.

(2:37)

And what about cloudy with outbreaks of rain?

(2:39)

Waterflood?

(2:39)

Not yet. Just flickering bits of patchy, annoying rain.

(2:41)

Sure, yes.

(2:43)

Good.

(2:44)

How about a full on thunderstorm?

(2:45)

Are you a thunderstorm, Ted?

(2:45)

Not today.

(2:47)

Then let's cross that bridge when we get there.

(2:55)

Thank you.

(2:56)

What for?

(2:57)

For letting me elaborate. As usual.

(2:59)

Anytime.

Wed 07 Jun (1:03am)

Did you know that Corgi means ‘Dwarf Dog’?

(1:06)

What! I did not know that!

(1:08)

Well, apparently it's true. It comes from the Welsh language. Cor is for “dwarf” and Gi means dog, so every time we’re really just calling them “Dwarf Dog”. 

(1:11)

Holy moly! Who knew?! Such wisdom at this late hour! Or is it early? Never know when it comes to hours past midnight.

(1:11)

Startin’ early today, are we?

(1:12)

Spill it. How do you know that?

(1:13)

I know things.

(1:15)

Did you google fun facts about Corgis, Rebecca?

(1:15)

I know things!

(1:17)

You totally googled fun facts about Corgis! I don't know whether to be touched or shocked.

(1:17)

I do know things!

(1:18)

Rebecca.

(1:18)

I'm very knowledgeable!

(1:19)

Rebecca, c’mon!

(1:21)

Okay fine, I googled it. I can't sleep and I do the stupidest things when I can't sleep. Happy?

(1:24)

Very! (Not about your insomnia. That sucks.)

(1:25)

What's your excuse? Wild party in Soho?

(1:28)

New York Soho or London Soho?

(1:30)

Either way - nah. Just couldn’t fall asleep yet. That makes two of us.

(1:31)

How terrible for us. Let’s try again. Goodnight!

(1:34)

Good luck and goodnight!

(1:37)

(You should try counting Corgis!)

(1:41)

As usual, and because it’s not a reasonable hour, I’m ignoring the weirdness that is you.

(1:43)

Tell me a better thing to count ‘til you fall asleep!

(1:45)

Pee drops on khakis.

(1:47)

‘Cause that's not weird at all.

(1:49)

It's your life, Ted. If I can trust anything you say, it’s actually real.

(1:51)

Think you should go to sleep now.

(1:53)

But they just keep coming - oh God, now it’s a waterfall. Wet everywhere.

(1:53)

Sleep, Rebecca.

Wed 07 Jun (5pm)

I should apologize for being a creep last night. This morning? (You were right, it’s a weird hour). I was up for 20 hours at that point.

(5:33)

Ha! Don’t worry! I think it was adorable. 

(5:34)

You think everything is adorable.

(5:34)

:P

Sat 10 Jun (12:35am)

It's weird not talking to you on Wednesday afternoons during your meetings.

(12:36)

Is it weird that I think it's weird?

(12:48)

By now I’m well acquainted with your weirdness. Please, tell me something I don’t know. 

(12:49)

It's going to rain tomorrow.

(12:50)

You can say that about absolutely every single day in London history.

(12:52)

I keep forgetting you were born here. 

(12:52)
No fun.

(12:54)

Or maybe I was born somewhere else and found myself here at a considerable age?

(1:03)

Puttin’ a bookmark on that bit of information to come back to another day. Gotta tell you somethin’ now.

(1:04)

So, last Tuesday?

(1:06)

Worst day of the week, the one that from now on will be known as Ted-could-be-a-thunderstorm-day?

(1:08)

Yeah, that. Maybe it wasn’t… that general of a take. It had a pretty noticeable gray cloud over my head.

(1:09)

Remember when I had this shitty week last month and kinda snapped at ya without reason?

(1:09)

How could I forget.

(1:14)

Well. I said I got my divorce done, right? Backstory: was married for two years. To someone I knew… pretty much since I was in college. And I’m not that young anymore, which means it took years for us to get together. So it wasn’t like… two years of marriage and that’s it. It was more like signing a piece of paper that tears the closest person you know off your life. That much power in one signature. 

(1:15)

So it’s not a great day when just a month after that signature is sent you receive a Facebook notification letting you know that your ex is now dating someone else. 

(1:17)

My God. Less than a month?!

(1:18)

I'm sorry.

(1:20)

Yup. I mean. It’s fine. It wasn't meant to be, anyway. But still…

(1:21)

What a fucking shithead.

(1:22)

I’m sorry. I mean no disrespect. But I’m furious!

(1:23) 

Did you confront her about it?

(1:24)

Or him. We haven’t talked about that yet.

(1:25)

An ally. Good to know.

(1:27)

No, I didn't talk to her. In fact, that piece of information came to me as an innocent gossip amongst my friend’s back home group chat. What she chooses to do with her life now it’s not my business, right? She doesn’t owe me anything. So I shouldn’t be upset. Right?

(1:29)

Are you truly asking?

(1:31)

Yes. You’re like – the only female friend I have that is impartial. That wasn’t a friend to both of us since forever, I mean.

(1:34)

I think, at this moment, given the situation, you should feel whatever the fuck you want to feel. And give yourself time to not blame yourself while doing it. It’s always delicate and I feel you worrying about shouldn’ts and couldn’ts say more about your intentions than you being upset because she moved on faster than you could.

(1:36)

Whoa. That was actually a real good piece of advice.

(1:37)

You seem surprised I can have my way with words.

(1:38)

No! I just… Think I was expecting some banter and a few not so funny jokes, that’s all.

(1:39)

I have funny jokes!

(1:40)

You’re right! That’s a great one! :D

(1:41)

Hey, you assumed I was gay?

(1:42)

Which, don’t get me wrong, ‘s totally fine – I’m just curious.

(1:43)

Oh. I didn’t want to assume. It’s just that... You mention a lot of Cinderella movies. And not even the original Disney super old one.

(1:44)

I love when Hollywood builds a new, modern version of a classic! What’s wrong with that?! Like, when they took Romeo & Juliet and turned that into the amazing West Side Story.

(1:46)

You say stuff like that and don’t want me to consider what it means. Broadway. Really?

(1:47)

Lot’s of straight guys are into Broadway musicals!

(1:48)

Name one.

(1:49)

Andrew Lloyd Webber?

(1:50)

…Fine.

(1:51)

Ha!

(1:52)

Was raised on a farm by my mother and two sisters. But, as a matter of fact, I am, indeed, straight. Happy?

(1:53)

Is it supposed to make me happy?

(1:54)

I don’t know. I thought maybe it could. 

(1:55)

Ted.

(1:56)

Too much?

(1:58)

I kind of played myself there, so it was deserved.

(1:59)

Kinda.

(2:01)

On second thought - no. That crossed a line. I'm known for dropping stupid jokes out of the blue, but I guess you don’t know that. Sorry.

(2:02)

Always the gentleman.

(2:04)

Thing is: I keep forgettin’ that we don't actually know each other.

(2:05)

Weird, huh? We talk all the time and we know things about each other… but we don’t *know* things about each other. Ya know?

(2:07)

You were the one who wanted details first and now look what ya got yourself into!

(2:08)

You’re rambling again, Ted.

(2:10)

I know, I know. Something something established weirdness. Gonna shut up now.

(2:13)

Look, it's fine. I get it. This was more about you feeling shitty and probably lonely and wanting to forget about it for a moment than anything else. That's okay. Feel your feelings, American guy.

(2:14)

And Ted?

(2:15)

Yeah?

(2:16)

I have a boyfriend. So this doesn't have to be awkward.

(2:18)

Oh. Okay.

(2:19)

Phew. Thought I'd ruined this!

(2:20)

My first and only text message-friendship based on wrong numbers and corgis?

(2:21)

Yeah. That.

(2:23)

You'd have to try a little harder than that.

(2:24)

Noted!

(2:27)

Shoot, it’s kinda late. I should get going. I've got a work thing tomorrow. Or today. Whatever now is.

(2:28)

You work on Saturdays?

(2:29)

It’s more like a… side project. Worst part? It was my idea.

(2:30)

I’d fire you.

(2:30)

Been there already. Goodnight!

(2:31)

Sleep well, Ted.

Sun 11 Jun (1:37pm)

How was Westminster today?

(2:05)

Did you get lost in St James’? Happens to the best of us.

(2:16)

Or maybe a mean corgi took you and now you’re stuck inside Buckingham’s dungeon?

(2:20)

Shout if you need any help.

Tues 13 Jun (8:17pm)

Hey there. I hope this Tuesday was better than the last one.

Wed 14 Jun (3:04pm)

It wasn't! But I'm getting used to it – a work in progmess, am I right? Thank you, though.

(4:30)

Do I know you?

(4:36)

Did we time-travel? 

(4:38)

You told me you had manners. You, American people…

(4:39)

Are you seriously randomly replying to a text I sent yesterday?

(4:40)

Sorry!

(4:42)

Are you mad at me?

(4:42)

No?

(4:43)

You’re asking me?

(4:50)

So you are mad!

(4:51)

I thought you were dead.

(4:54)

Not dead! Just having one of those weeks. Wasn’t goin’ to be good company.

(5:01)

Did you really worry that I could've been dead?

(5:02)

No.

(5:03)

Kidnapped by the King’s guards? Maybe.

(5:05)

That’s not a thing. Is it?

(5:07)

Oh yes. They disappear with silly Americans that annoy them with pictures and dumb jokes. No police could come to your help - they don’t have jurisdiction inside the castle. It’s a real thing. 

(5:08)

Nah. You’re messing with me.

(5:10)

And you said I wasn’t the funny one in this relationship.

(5:10)

Relationship?

(5:11)

You know what I mean.

(5:20)

Can you just let this one go if I say I'm sorry and it won't happen again?

(5:21)

You’re not even going to try to explain where you’ve been?

(5:22)

I didn’t know I had to.

(5:25)

You don’t, but you know – manners.

(5:30)

Alright, if you wanna be pissed at me for that, fine. I thought this was supposed to be light and fun, not a responsibility.

(5:32)

…Ted. Don’t go snapping at me again. I was only messing with you. You're not obligated to anything here, you know that.

(5:35)

Okay good, ‘cause maybe I’m not gonna be around for the next week either, who knows, and I don't want ya to think I'm dead and John Doe in a ditch somewhere or drowned in the Thames.

(5:36)

Ted… 

(7:48)

I understand you’re going through something. Trust me, I do. So I don’t mind the snapping and the grumpiness. 

(7:49)

I don’t want to pry. Just…

(7:50)

I’m worried about you, that’s all.

(8:20)

If you do have someone in London, someone you can trust, please, go to them. 

(11:33pm)

Rebecca, I'm sorry. Really, really sorry. I know I’ve been saying that a lot, I keep having to apologize to you, to everyone, and I hate myself for it. It’s just… I don’t know where my mind goes sometimes. I can’t keep up. And I'm tired, okay? I'm so very tired and things keep happening and... I'm sorry, okay?

(11:45)

You want to talk about it?

(11:47)

No – not yet, at least. But don’t worry. Sorry if I made you worry. 

(11:48)

Stay safe, Ted. 

(11:49)

I’m here if you need anything.

Wed 21 Jun (7:30pm)

Hello, stranger. 

(10:19)

Hey.

(10:20)

I guess I owe you an apology.

(10:22)

I think you covered that last time we spoke. 

(10:24)

Before you keep on apologizing, can I go first?

(10:22)

Yeah, sure, go ahead.

(10:29)

Listen, Ted, I appreciate you opening up to me and I have no right to ask you not to disappear on me - but I haven’t been totally honest with you. I relate and I worry and I get mad because I am, too, a divorcee. Recently, just like you. So I get the frustration, the anger and the sadness. Trust me, I’ve been there.  

(10:33)

I've had some time to think about this and I think it’s only fair that I share something of  my own. So I'd like to state once and for all that you don't have to be worried about the things you share with me, even if it's something that's troubling and… not pretty. Especially then. You don't have to tell me anything, I wouldn’t ask you to, but you can. I know this isn’t your country and it isn’t your people, and I also know how scary that must be. We may not know each other very well, but I like you and I like this weird pen pal (text pal?) thing that we've got going on, so, please, be my guest to consider me as a true friend. Maybe that’s the beauty of it all: we don't really know each other, so we can talk about anything.

(10:35)

And you need to stop apologizing every. single. time. It’s getting annoying. Whatever it was, I'm sure you had a good reason. Hell, I tend to snap at people and even plot against them on a daily basis, because, well, I’m a bitch. And without reason. I get it.

(10:37)

If you were that much of a bother I could just delete your number and go on with my life if I wanted to, but I don't.

(10:38)

Wow.

(10:39)

Look at you. Being sappy. Look how much you’ve grown.

(10:38)

Changed my mind. Deleting your number right now. Fine, be that way. Ruin my rare moment of honesty.

(10:40)

I've had this whole speech prepared...

(10:41)

Oh, go on. I’m always up for a good speech.

(10:43)

No, now I just feel like a fool...

(10:44)

Honey, too late for that. You are a fool!

(10:46)

You do understand what I was trying to say there though, right?

(10:46)

Yes.

(10:48)

Rebecca?

(10:48)

Yes?

(10:50)

I don't want to delete your number, either.

(10:51)

Eww, stop being such a girl!

(10:53)

:D 

(10:55)

How’s your day going?

(10:59)

Same old, same old. Work. Yelling at work. Eating at work. 

(11:01)

What is it that you do anyway?

(11:02)

I’m a sports coach.

(11:02)

What? No you’re not.

(11:04)

I kinda am, yes.

(11:05)

Which sport?

(11:05)

Football.

(11:07)

Your football or my football?

(11:10)

Your football.

(11:14)

What?! No you’re not!

(11:15)

You seem surprised. :) 

(11:16)

Of course I am surprised! You knew from day one I worked within the Football Industry and never told me you do too!

(11:17)

Which team?!

(11:17)

See. This is why I didn’t tell you. :)

(11:19)

Giving my identity for free? No, ma’am. 

(11:20)

Shit. 

(11:21)

I bet we’re rivals. I bet my boys could beat yours.

(11:22)

Do you think we’ve been at the same place already?

(11:24)

Are you a coach, too?

(11:25)

God, no. But it’s funny you thought I could be one. 

(11:26)

I don’t think we’ve been at the same place at the same time, no. I’d know. 

(11:28)

Ted. You have no idea what I look like.

(11:29)

I would know, Rebecca.

Sun 25 Jun (11:02am)

This is a St. James text.

(11:10)

My favourite.

(11:12)

What’s today’s question?

(11:12)

No question today. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is out, the air is good, and we're enjoying this fine Sunday morning! 

(11:13)

We?

(11:16)

Arthur and I.

(11:20)

Okay...

(11:21)

Who's Arthur?

(11:23)

Wait a second.

(11:28)

Ok…

(11:30)

Sorry, he's excited today and just won't hold still long enough. Can't blame him! I’d be that excited too if I could run carefree in the park. 

(11:31)

I know we’ve established your weirdness, but this is another level. For the love of God – What?

(11:32)

Hold on!

(11:33)

You’re scaring me!

(11:34)

Don't be ridiculous.

(11:34)

We're very friendly and trustworthy.

(11:35)

Are you done now?

(11:36)

Someone’s impatient today! Be free like Arthur!

(11:37)

There. Had to get down on my knees for that one - and one of them isn’t the same ever since David O’Connel made me fall during our annual basketball championship back home when I was 13. I hope you're both happy. You and Arthur, not David O’Connel. I wonder where he’s been. 

(11:38)

You have a corgi named Arthur?

(11:38)

You have a corgi?!

(11:40)

I mean, he’s not mine. Ish. He's my neighbor's dog. Miss Shipling. She lives above me in my apartment (flat?) and sometimes, just sometimes, I listen to Taylor Swift really loudly while taking a shower, so Miss Shipling gets mad at me. She hates noise. So, as an apology, I take Arthur out for a walk every Sunday.

(11:41)

A freaking corgi?

(11:42)

Yes. Miss Shipling is obsessed with the monarchy. It’s a whole thing.

(11:42)

So your secret is out! All this time bringing up mean, mastermind corgis just to pet sit one of them! Traitor!

(11:44)

Shh. Arthur can hear you. He’s not that brilliant but I don’t know about the rest of them. You know. The ones inside the Palace. Poor Arthur has urinary incontinence and can’t pee properly, like the other male dogs can. Isn’t that right, buddy?

(11:49)

Wait. Wait a second. 

(11:50)

What?

(11:51)

Arthur the corgi has urinary incontinence?

(11:53)

Yep. Poor old fella has no bladder control anymore.

(11:53)

The pee drops on your khakis. The message you sent to me by mistake when we met. Was that the dog?!

(11:55)

Arthur Bryant would like you to know that this is a very serious condition that 9 out of 10 elderly dogs have. He’s quite upset you’re misjudging him for some weirdo that just pees himself ‘cause he’s a dum-dum. That’s not the case.

(11:58)

Oh, Ted. Why did you make me believe all this time you were the one that peed on yourself?!

(11:59)

It seemed to make you happy, so why the heck would I ruin that.

(12:00)

No, but this is also so good! Haha!

(12:02)

The little fucker is kind of cute, isn’t he? Look at those ears.

(12:01)

Stop. He’s self-conscious about those. Doesn’t help you were the one to call him dwarf dog. 

(12:03)

Well.

(12:05)

He is tiny. Like those stupid sausages. 

(12:06)

I can’t get over the realisation I had today. I feel like we unpacked so much about ourselves. It was the dog!

(12:06)

Glad we can now move on from this.

(12:08)

We're actually about to go for a walk, maybe grab some cookies and a coffee.

(12:09)

You and Arthur Bryant.

(12:10)

That’s right.

(12:11)

I lied to you. Arthur Bryant is just how I call him. Because it’s way cooler. And I never seem to remember his name. He’s actually named after a King, one of the Henrys, and I never seem to remember which one. So many numbers. So I just call him Arthur Bryant. 

(12:15)

Of course. It’s totally normal to change other people’s dog names. 

(12:16)

What's his coffee order?

(12:17)

A grande Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino.

(12:19)

Dear god. Isn’t he an English dog? Whatever happened to a good old cup of tea served with milk, since we’re in London?

(12:20)

What has this dog ever done to you?! 

(12:21)

Arthur says you’re frappuccino-shaming him. He likes hanging out with me and my Starbucks expertise. Besides, the Caramel matches his fur, so he says. 

(12:23)

Did he now? Adorable.

(12:24)
Weird. I don't know why, but I think I like this dog.

(12:30)

And I think I love him.

Chapter Text

Tues 27 Jun (7:34am)

(7:40)

Goodmornin’? Whatsdat?

(7:41)

Tuesdays not only make you short-tempered but also illiterate?

(7:42)

Because I feared that was going to be the case, I'm sending you this gif of the Queen, God rest her soul, riding a corgi while running away from the Tardis. 

(7:43)

Huh?!

(7:45)

...to lighten your grumpy Tuesday!

(7:48)

Clearly it didn't turn out the way I intended.

(7:50)

Sorryyy. Just got up. Like - ‘m afraid I still have one eyeball glued on my eyelid.

(7:52)

Okay. Cute. Thanks for sharing. But that doesn't change that the first step of today’s mission has failed already. 

(7:55)

Mission?

(7:56)

Shhhh. Go to sleep. Or get up. Whatever suits you best. 

__

(9:23am)

Soooo what is it that you’re plotting?

(9:24)

Heck, I’m kinda nervous. Why am I nervous? Do I have reason to be nervous?

(9:24)

Should I let the FBI know?

(9:45)

The FBI. In England? God, let’s hope you never find yourself in real danger. 

(9:46)

Besides, the mission is for your benefit.

(9:47)

And yet my tummy hurts as if it’s the day before my 10th birthday.

(9:48)

I feel there’s a story there.

(9:51)

‘Course there is! Like – when you’re expecting someone to throw you a surprise birthday party so you stay alert the whole day, suspiciously watching everyone around you by the corner of your eye, wary that they could burst into singing happy birthday any minute? 

(9:52)

I don’t think it’s your birthday today. If it is - well, that’s just more convenient, innit? 

(9:59)

Are you busy today?

(10:01)

…Not really. It’s a quiet day today.

(10:03)

Why?

(10:05)

Just checking.

(10:06)

Here comes the nausea! Help!

__

(12:03pm)

Is the Richmond station or area any near to where you’re working today? Or is it maybe on your way home…? 

(12:06)

You’re kidnappin’ me?

(12:07)

‘Cause lemme tell you Mother calls me every night and if I go missin’ she’ll know!

(12:08)

You have to trust me on this.

(12:10)

Yeah, that could be arranged…

(12:12)

Great. So let’s say you take the tube to Richmond. If you take the exit towards The Quadrant and go onto the Richmond Theatre… You may find a tiny place called Flavourtown Bakery. It’s bright, it’s pink, you can’t miss it. 

(12:23)

…And??

(12:25)

And I want you to go there and tell them your name. Any time today, but it has to be today.

(12:26)

Screaming! Crying! Throwing up! It’s the surprise party all over again!

(12:29)

Stop being a pussy. 

(12:30)

Are you in?

(12:32)

Maybe…

(12:35)

Yes or no, Ted.

(12:36)

Yes.

__

(5:07pm)

Your mission!!! I LOVED it!!!!

(5:33)

Did you go?

(5:34)

Hell yeah I did! Haven’t felt this adventurous since my buddies made me skip class in college to watch the Super Bowl. Is that how kids from Hogwarts felt whenever Dumbledore told them not to do something and they freakin’ did it anyways? 

(5:36)

I can't believe you did that!

(5:36)

So we’re good? Was it that scary?

(5:37)

No amount of free cupcakes could scare this guy! No ma’am!

(5:40)

What flavours did you get?

(5:42)

Salted caramel cupcake. Obvs. But damn I had my eye on that Cookie Doughnut.

(5:43)

That’s it?

(5:43)

I was allowed to have more?!

(5:45)

:)

(5:46)

Seriously. Thank you. I appreciate ya.

(5:49)

Did it make your rainy Tuesday a tiny bit better?

(5:44)

You betcha, Riviera! 

(5:46)

Then you're quite welcome.

(5:59)

Soooo… was this a one-time thing or do I get baked goodies every Tuesday from now on?

(6:01)

Don't push it.

__

(10:34pm)

What do you call people that work in bakeries? It can’t also be called barista.

(10:36)

Bakery clerk.

(10:38)

Yes, that.

(10:38)

You’re friends with the clerk? I mean… you know anyone down there in Flavourtown Richmond? 

(10:45)

Is that what you think about before going to bed?

(10:47)

Are you?

(10:50)

What would you do if I was?

(10:53)

Jesus Christ on a bike!

(10:54)

You sneaky scheming wicked… thingy!!!

(10:56)

You're delightfully eloquent tonight.

(10:57)

Ma’am, to quote the amazing Lenny Kravitz, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over!

(10:59)

I know it isn’t. My mission has many, many parts. 

(11:01)

Bring it on, baby.

Wed 28 Jun (4:56pm)

Did ya talk to your friend yet?

(5:10)

What friend?

(5:11)

The friend you’ve got at the pink Richmond bakery.

(5:15)

I never said I had a friend at the bakery.

(5:16)

Yes you did, wicked kid!

(5:16)

Do you *want* me to have a friend at Flavourtown?

(5:19)

C’mon now. You really trynna make me believe you told some random stranger to be around the building the whole day in case a guy named Ted pops by, givin’ no indication about how said Ted looks like, by the way - and if he DID, stranger was just supposed to give him whatever he wants?

(5:20)

Not a stranger - maybe they work for me, you wouldn’t know. 

(5:21)

Also, what do you mean, whatever you want?

(5:22)

Huh. So that’s your regular bakery place, then?

(5:23)

That's what they told me.

(5:25)

I don’t kiss and tell, Ted. In this case, I don’t eat and tell.
(5:26)

Don’t know why, but I feel that seems like a dangerous thing to say to you. I guess they didn't know better, I should have warned them.

(5:27)

Were you there?

(5:28)

I beg your pardon?

(5:28)

At Flavourtown, Richmond. Yesterday. You know what I’m sayin’.

(5:33)

I’m afraid I wasn't, no.

(5:35)

Alright.

(5:37)

Just like you don't have a friend working there.

(5:45)

You can be so obnoxious. And stubborn. Someone told you that already?

(5:46)

Heck, I knew you could be mysterious but I never read you for Machiavellian.

(5:47)

Behave, or no more cupcakes next Tuesday.

(5:49)

Oh, no. We don’t want that. I wouldn’t want to upset your spy-friend by not showing up.

(5:53)

You know, Rebecca, I really wanna believe you weren't there.

(5:54)

What do you mean?

(5:59)

I keep on relivin’ last afternoon in my head and there’s three ways this could go: you’d either be the desperate nanny trying to control a kid throwing a tantrum for a slice of rainbow cake; or a teenage girl asking for the vegan, gluten free options, or the rude suited up dude who thought it would be okay to cut me off in line. Not to mention the guy I’m sure to this day was actually Javier Bardem.

(6:02)

Well, as usual,

(6:05)

I could be anyone.

(6:08)

But you weren't there.

(6:10)

But I wasn't there.

Wed 5 Jul (10:24am)

You know how much you hate Tuesdays? I hate Wednesday mornings. Bored.

(10:25)

Fancy a chat?

(10:28)

Sometimes I feel you’re just using me as a hobby.

(10:29)

You hurt my feelings, Rebecca.

(10:32)

Want to play a game? Maybe that will cheer you up, my personal hobby.

(10:35)

What game are we playing?

(10:36)

Questions and answers. 

(10:44)

Truth and truth it is, then. 

(10:46)

I’m in.

(10:48)

Any rules?

(10:59)

Rules are for weak, scared people. Who needs rules. 

(11:04)

But what if I don't wanna answer somethin’?

(11:13)

My my, what kind of questions do you think these will be? It’s 11am, Ted!

(11:14)

Relax. You can use “corgis” as your safe word.

(11:17)

Imma afraid I won’t be taken seriously.

(11:20)

Nothing but questions and answers all day.

(11:20)

Agreed?

(11:23)

Oooh all good, baby.

(11:25)

Ladies first.

(11:29)

Who do you work for?

(11:29)

(11:30)

Ted!

(11:32)

I thought this was a safe space to not be shamed by my limits on your twisted game!

(11:33)

Go on. You can ask another question.

(11:45)

Fine, spoilsport. 

(11:46)

What's your drink of choice? 

(11:59)

A negroni. Sbagliato. With prosecco in it.

(12:00)

I’m just kiddin’. It’s good ol’ beer. 

(12:13)

You give me nothing to work on.

(12:34)

It's your turn.

(12:35)

I know. Thinking. Don’t wanna blow my first question, it has to be the perfect one. 

(12:36)

Take your time.

(12:47)

You know how to drive?

(12:49)

That’s your perfect first question?

(12:50)

Nope. To reply to a question with another question is not allowed.

(12:51)

That wasn't in our rules.

(12:54)

Now it is.

(12:55)

(Too much pressure, couldn’t focus, so this will have to do).

(1:01)

Changed my mind, this is a stupid game.

(1:02)

Yes, I can. But I don’t have to.

(1:14)

Where are you from? The US, yes, but where? Tell me about where you grew up.

(1:19)

Kansas City, Missouri. Midwestern.

(1:22)

You said you were married. For how long?

(1:33)

Ten years.

(1:35)

Were you a Coach back home too?

(1:55)

Yes. Football coach. My football.

(1:59)

Dear God, that’s a hell of a change when it comes to specialities. 

(2:03)

Do you understand the offside rule?

(2:01)

No one understands the offside rule.

(2:05)

You work in sports. You said you’re not a coach. Are you a footballer yourself? 

(2:23)

No. But I have the legs for it if I fancied a try. 

(2:26)

Good to know.

(2:28)

Stop it.

(2:30)

I asked you once if you had someone in London, someone you trust. Do you?

(2:33)

Luckily, yes. Yes I do.

(2:34)

Why don’t you have to drive?

(2:35)

I have a driver.

(2:44)

Funny how that’s not surprising to me.

(2:45)

What is that supposed to mean?

(2:46)

Are you like filthy rich?

(2:49)

Define filthy rich. 

(2:55)

You know that’s a yes.

(2:57)

You talk like royalty, Rebecca. I hope you don’t get this the wrong way when I say this but it’s noticeable you have a few bucks on your name. 

(2:59)

Why are you the one asking all the questions?

(3:45)

I lost track of our system.

(3:47)

Yes, you broke all the rules.

(3:49)

Not all of them!

(3:50)

Your turn.

(4:00)

Do you think about going back home?

(4:59)

Think about it? Yes.

(5:01)

Would you?

(5:02)

What about the rules, Rebecca?

(5:05)

Shit.

(5:15)

Language.

(5:16)

Don’t be a prude.

(5:16)

You live by yourself?

(5:18)

Yes.

(5:19)

Favourite thing about London?

(5:19)

The people.

(5:20)

You get lonely sometimes? Livin’ by yourself, I mean. After ten years of marriage life.

(5:40)

Biscuits.

(5:42)

What?

(5:44)

My safeword.

(5:46)

Got it.

(5:55)

Try again.

(5:56)

Do you have a book near you?

(6:00)

Is that your question?

(6:03)

Part of it.

(6:06)

Yes.

(6:10)

Alright. Open it on a random page. What’s the bit that speaks to your heart?

(6:20)

“No, I'd never been to this country before. No, I didn't know where the roads would lead me. No, I didn't intend to turn back.”  

(6:25)

Good one.

(7:30)

It is.

~

(8:55)

Do you mind me asking what your boyfriend thinks about you texting me all day every day?

(8:59)

It's my turn to ask a question. And it’s not all day every day.

(9:03)

You lose your turn after disappearing for one hour midgame. Rules. 

(9:06)

I was having dinner.

(9:07)

With your boyfriend?

(9:21)

Why are you so obsessed with him all of a sudden?

(9:22)

Because you never talk about him.

(9:26)

Not to you.

(9:27)

Is there a reason for that?

(9:28)

What is this, an interview? I thought it was a two way game.

(9:30)

Just trynna keep up with lost time. So many questions we could’ve addressed. 

(9:33)

You don’t know that.

(9:56)

Would you let me buy you coffee on Tuesday?

(9:58)

I don’t drink caffeine, Ted.

(10:00)

Fine. Tea then. 

(10:12)

No. That's my thing. Find your own thing. 

(10:17)

I mean, you don’t have to have a thing, not with me. Tuesdays are about you – you are the one who hates them.

(10:01)

Is that a no?

(10:11)

Yes. 

(10:13)

Okidoki.

(10:36)

What about lunch?

(10:37)

On Tuesday?

(10:39)

No. Any day. Spontaneously. 

(10:47)

Are you suggesting that we meet?

(10:49)

I didn't say that.

(10:50)

Would that be something you want?

(10:52)

Ted. Don't even try to twist this around.

(10:53)

You asked me to trust you last week. Can’t you trust me now?

(10:55)

I'll text you the details.

(10:57)

Ted… 

(10:59)

I’m intrigued and scared the same amount.

(11:02)

Intrigued? Oh yes. Not scared. Never scared! Remember how charming you truly think I am?

(11:04)

I love how you always ruin your own moments of mystery by being a dork. You do that by yourself. I don’t even have to interfere. 

(11:06)

Night, Rebecca. :)

(11:09)

Good night, Ted. 

Chapter Text

Tue 11 Jul (9:13am)

Remember when you asked me if Flavourtown was going to be a weekly thing?

(9:15)

Well. If you’re still up for it, make sure to be there sometime between now and 9pm today.

(9:29)

Now look at that. Ain’t I a spoiled creature?! What did I ever do to deserve such kindness?!

(9:36)

Don’t make me regret this.

(9:37)

Wouldn’t want that. 

(9:37)

Hey, what happens if I don’t go? The cupcakes go to someone else? Will someone wait for me the whole dang day unwarned that I’m not showin’ up?

(9:38)

You and I both know you won’t refuse sugar.

(9:40)

What if I’m busy for today and totally on the other side of town?

(9:40)

What if you're being super dumb to refuse free cake and I'm rethinking the mission thing?

(9:44)

You wouldn't.

(9:45)

I would.

(9:46)

No, you wouldn't.

__

(4:47pm)

Blimey darlin’ crying lighting, didn’t think it was possible after the salted caramel one, but the ‘99 problems but biscoff ain’t one’ was even better. A cupcake has never been this welcome. Thank you! I was kinda needing that.

(4:49)

Considering I’m on a sugar high, the best type, can I tell you a secret?

(5:02)

Go on. 

(5:03)

Flavourtown is on my way to work. Or on my way home. Depends on which time we’re talkin’ about, or on which side of the street we’re standin’. You, British people, with your weird sideways… ways. 

(5:05)

Oh, my. If only I'd known that sugar in your veins makes you spill all your dirty secrets, I would have gotten you all the cupcakes in the world for our little Q&A.

(5:08)

I’m not one to share my weakness willingly, but, hey. 

(5:12)

So you knew the bakery, then?

(5:15)

Passed by a couple of times. Never made my way inside, not ‘til you ambushed me with your mission. 

(5:27)

I’m afraid my sugar count is low today, but hell, since we’re sharing… I’m quite familiar with Richmond as well. 

(5:29)

You don’t say. Would Richmond be the part of London where your heart is set in stone, where you go when you're alone, where you go to rest your bones?

(5:32)

We’re not playing Q&A today. 

(5:34)

Also, very subtle. 

(5:35)

Is that from a song?!

(5:36)

Worth a try! (Yeah, it’s a song, you got me.)

(5:38)

So we’re around each other in more ways than one. How ‘bout that.

(5:30)

When you put it this way…

(5:59)

Will you tell me a secret now?

(6:02)

I just told you one!

(6:04)

Okay, lemme put it this way: will you answer me a question?

(6:04)

Also told you we’re not playing Q&A today.

(6:05)

Not Q&A. Just a silly independent question. About something that’s buggin’ me. 

(6:06)

Okay. What is it?

(6:06)

Do you know someone named Keeley?

(6:24)

Rebecca?

(6:25)

Yes?

(6:27)

Do you?

(6:30)

Why?

(6:34)

‘Cause earlier today when I was down there a tiny bubbly woman named Keeley met me at the counter to say hello and good afternoon, and it was all fun and games ‘til I told her my name. She has big eyes alright but I swear to you the second I said “I’m Ted, how’s going?” her eyes popped out of her head like an old cartoon and suddenly I became the most interesting thing she had ever seen. Like, someone-famous-showing-up-at-your-bakery level of interest. Which I’m sure means something, ‘cause she looks like a woman that goes for the most unusual interesting things. 

(7:03)

Your silence speaks volumes, y’know. 

(7:05)

What did she say to you?

(7:06)

Nothing. Why, are you scared?

(7:08)

Course not.

(7:09)

I gotta say though, she's not exactly good at this spy thing.

(7:12)

She's not a spy! She's just… someone that works for me. You know. On your mission thing. As a… helper. She usually doesn't go that way on Tuesdays. I'm surprised she was there today, that’s all.

(7:13)

Sure.

(7:15)

Are you gonna call her now and ask her all about me? ;)

(7:20)

No, Ted, I'm not going to call her. 

(7:24)

Do you still want me to get my cupcake next week?

(7:25)

Of course. This changes nothing. I've got nothing to hide. 

(7:26)

Good. Okay. Glad that’s settled. ;)

(7:29)

Good.  

__

(8:30)

What makes you think she knows something about me?

(8:33)

Oh, please.

(8:34)

Say it!

(8:36)

Someone-famous-showing-up-at-your-bakery level of interest, remember?

(8:55)

I bet you just had something on your face.

(8:56)

I had something on my face alright, my freakin’ mustache. But that wasn’t it.

(8:59)

You have… my God. Why am I surprised? Looks like a choice you’d make. What, you also go around wearing flannel and a cowboy hat?

(9:05)

Gonna pretend I didn’t catch the judgment in your tone, lady. 

(9:06)

And yet I bet you feel like a fool since you've been charmed by this cowboy. ;)

(9:09)

Don’t go betting on that.

(9:13)

A mustache is only a good accessory to a charming smile…

(9:15)

Now you’re just flattering yourself. 

(9:19)

You should try it!

(9:20)

What, hyping myself up?

(9:23)

Yeah!

(9:26)

Okay.

(9:28)

My boobs are quite nice.

(9:34)

Jesus Christ. That escalated way too quickly for my dizzy brain.

(9:35)

Ha. I knew this would shut up you. 

(9:37)

Yeah, I think you win this round. 

(9:38)

Like many fathers and toxic boyfriends, I’m just gonna… walk away from this conversation now. 

(9:40)

Such a dork.

Wed 12 Jul (9:30am)

Mornin’, sunshine! Today’s going to be a good day, like my buddy Dear Evan Hansen said, and here’s why: today, you have a mission. Not one you plotted and planned in this brilliant brain of yours, but one you’re at the receiving end. 

(9:34)

Flavourtown. Today, any time of day you want. Think you could do that?

(9:33)

You tricked me on my own game?

(9:35)

Yep.

(9:39)

Is this about the lunch thing you suggested last week?

(9:40)

Not yet. I mean, it could be, depends on the way you look at it. Half full, half empty, yada yada. 

(9:41)

Don’t worry, I’m not ambushing you. 

(9:43)

I don’t know how I feel about this.

(9:44)

It's time for you to trust *me* now.

(9:44)

That's exactly what I'm scared about, Ted.

(9:46)

A leap of faith, Rebecca. C’mon, help a guy.

(9:46)

…Okay…

(9:49)

Not that hard, huh?

(9:50)

Have I ever disappointed you?!

(9:55)

No.

(9:56)

No you haven’t.

__

(1:35pm)

Biscuits on a pink box, Ted? Seriously?

(1:45)

Happy anniversary? :P It’s not today, but I didn’t have my ways to reach you other than through text, did I? If I recall well we started this text-mania on the 1st of May, but well, that makes us pushing the milestone of more than… two months!

(1:49)

I promised you lunch and I haven’t forgotten ‘bout that, but for right now, a batch of lousy, lopsided cookies (biscuits, fine, whatever) has to do the job. In my defense I spent hours last night baking these. Don’t know if they’re any good, definitely not as good as Flavourtown goodies, but it's made with care.

(1:49)

Wait. You baked that yourself?

(1:49)

...Isn’t that obvious? Not as cute as the ones at the bakery - and, to be honest, they don’t even have biscuits like this on the menu. I thought you knew that.

(1:51)

Okay, sorry for bashing your biscuits. They’re actually fucking delicious! I ran out of them already, I’m afraid. 

(1:52)

Thank you, Ted.

(1:55)

Glad you liked ‘em, it’s good to have feedback. The staff said they’d wait until the end of the shift to try it. Didn’t wanna make the baker jealous, I guess. 

(1:56)

You gave the Flavourtown staff biscuits?

(2:12)

Yep.

(2:15)

I’m upset. That makes me feel less special.

(2:15)

I had a feeling you’d feel like that, so I actually made yours different. I baked them salty ones. Yours is full sugar, butter, flour, baby! Thought you could use some since you said your sugar count was low last night.

(2:16)

And don’t be jealous, they're your people, they make this work. They deserved it.

(2:24)

You’re not blackmailing my people for information, are you?

(3:01)

I wouldn’t do that, no. But there's nothing like homemade biscuits to win someone over. 

(3:02)

I think they're pretty fond of me now. 

(3:02)

We bonded, y’know. 

(3:04)

And by "we", I mean Keeley and me. 

(3:09)

Okay? Good for you both.

(3:15)

I gotta say, you've trained her well. Or you threatened her. Which, knowing you, is much more likely…

(3:16)

We made a deal

(3:18)

A deal, you say?

(3:20)

She promised she wouldn’t talk to you about me ‘til she was allowed to talk to me about you. 

(3:26)

Hypothetically, considering this to be true, how would you have achieved such a thing?

(3:28)

Never underestimate the power of baked goodies, a good conversation and a charming smile.

(3:45)

Would that be your smile?

(3:47)

‘Course.

(3:51)

Why am I providing you with free cupcakes if you can bake, then?! I feel stupid.

(3:53)

It ain’t the same! I can bake alright but not like *that*. Besides, I can’t quite figure out how to work with frosting yet. Can’t take that away from me now. Especially not now that I told Keeley I’ll see her again next week. 

(3:58)

Remind me again why I keep talking to you.

(3:59)

Because I charmed my way into your life and now you can't imagine living without me?

(4:03)

It’s cute when you act delusional.

Sun 16 July (10:43am)

I miss Arthur.

(11:11)

Not me?

(11:14)

Not you. Arthur.

(11:15)

How’s he doing?

(11:20)

I don’t know, I’m quite worried about him.

(11:23)

Why?! Is he alright?

(11:14)

Who knows.

(11:16)

Wait a second; a picture should explain it all.

(11:20)

He’s been looking at me like that for 20 minutes.

(11:23)

Oh, Gosh. Thank you.

(11:24)

For the true laugh I just let out. 

(11:26)

At ya service!

(11:28)

A pity we don’t have that pictured in our chat, alongside Arthur’s lovely crazy eyes. 

(11:30)

Oh yeah. Such pity.

(11:34)

Y’know, I was just thinkin’ ‘bout you. Was midway writing you a text when my phone buzzed on my hand. Ain’t that funny? Anyways.

(11:35)

I made a new friend at the park today!

(11:37)

Oh, Ted.

(11:38) 

Ted, honey, you are 6.

(11:40)

Do you wanna see a photo of him? Do you?

(11:42)

Yes, you do.

(11:43)

You ready?

(11:45)

It’s just MARVELOUS how good content you bring me this Sunday and for what? People get paid online for such great pictures. 

(11:46)

God, that's a giant as fuck squirrel. He's the size of a 5 year old.

(11:48)

Thought you’d like it. ;)

(11:50)

Just when I wanted to be annoyed with you for whatever reason, just for the sake of our sweet banter, just because I got up this minute, when I'm still stumbling through my quest for tea, you do something like that.

(11:51)

Something like what?

(11:53)

Like that. These ridiculous images. You being a ridiculous puppy, more so than Arthur himself. 

(11:54)

I named it.

(11:56)

I'm sure you did.

(11:56)

His name is Chip ‘n’ Dale.

(11:57)

Both Chip AND Dale? Not just Chip or just Dale?

(11:59)

Nope. Chip ‘n’ Dale.

(12:00)

I won’t argue. 

(12:01)

Did you take him home with you?

(12:03)

No. He's a free spirit. Reminds me of you.

(12:05)

I understand you think this is a compliment, but I’m afraid it’s not. 

(12:07)

What does your oldest friend Arthur have to say about you bounding with someone new? Doesn't he hunt squirrels? There wasn’t an attempted murder yet?

(12:09)

Please. Go back to that first Arthur picture. He’s trippin’ as a kid runnin’ with shoes unlaced. He wouldn’t hurt anyone but himself in this condition. 

(12:10)

Sometimes. Sometimes I just... 

(12:15)

I know, Rebecca. I know. Sometimes I can't handle how cool I’m either. :D

(12:19)

Not quite the sentence I was going for.

(12:20)

Please. Exactly what you were gonna say.

Tue 18 July (10:50) 

I need you to do something for me.

(11:23)

Do I get to know what it is first?

(11:25)

No.

(11:26)

Is this one of your missions, the reboot version? Whatever happened to delicious cupcake plan?

(11:28)

You ruined the mystery of it by charming your way into the staff with your stupid biscuits. So today I came up with something else.

(11:30)

What do I need to do?

(11:35)

You’re eager today. I like this.

(11:37)

I know you like it best when you’re bossy and I just nod.

(11:38)

You’re clever. Do you know the Diana Fountain in Bushy Park? There’s a bronze statue of a goddess set on a marble right in the middle, surrounded by bronzes of boys, water nymphs and shells. 

(11:40)

Oh no. I think you got the wrong park. St James’s is usually my choice.

(11:41)

Don’t be funny. I know that. What I don’t know is why you cross town with a dog that isn’t yours when you have a lovely park right next to you. Ish. It’s in Richmond, at least!

(11:43)

Since you need to be there at 5:30pm. I’m sending you somewhere closer to home. 

(11:45)

To… look at the statue?

(11:50)

Sure, why not.

(11:52)

Rebecca, Imma need more information than that if you want me to go all the way to a whole new park. I like my parks as I like my pizza: always the same flavor. 

(11:53)

Trust doesn't have limits. Either you trust a person or you don't.

(11:55)

C’mon, just tell me at least what to expect!

(11:56)

Something you’d like.

(12:01pm)

Look, you're not going to get robbed. Or stabbed. Or kidnapped. This isn’t the States. It's a public place and that spot is always packed with rich kids and their nannies and their dogs. Trust me. 

(12:04)

Take a friend, if you like. Take Arthur, maybe go for that Sunday walk today, on Tuesday. Life is short. 

(12:06)

Alright, clearly you've never met that dog. He greets strangers like long-lost soulmates.

(12:08)

Reminds me of someone. 

(12:09)

I wonder who that’d be.

(12:10)

Does he even lick the creepy ones?

(12:11)

Especially the creepy ones!

(12:14)

Are you sure he's from London?

(12:16)

We’ll never know for sure.

(12:20)

Will you be there? Do you have the time?

(12:21)

I'll think about it.

__

(5:56pm)

Rebecca.

(5:56)

REBECCA!

(5:57)

Seriously!!!

(5:57)

I’m assuming you enjoyed it.

(5:58)

Oh. My God.

(5:59)

Need more words than that.

(6:00)

How did you know? How?!

(6:02)

Know what?

(6:03)

That I'm a sucker for amazing street performers!!! Especially those that sing Don’t Bring Me Down by Electric Light Orchestra!!! On a banjo!!! And a portable kit drum!!! With a beautiful sunset behind the fountain! 

(6:04)

Oooh but I also gotta shoutout to the Souhthern Nights moment! Love some good'ld Glen Campbell!

(6:05)

So you enjoy street performers? 

(6:05)

I think it’s more of a… park band, in this case. 

(6:05)

R E B E C C A!

(6:07)

Fine. Lucky guess. So you went after all?

(6:07)

YES! Oh yes. Boy, did I go. And I loved every minute of it.

(6:08)

Don’t Bring Me Down was fun, yes, but Rich Girl by Daryl Hall & John Oates is a favourite of mine. Always makes me dance on my feet. 

(6:09)

Wait, what? You were there?!

(6:10)

Maybe I'm just familiar with their repertoire?

(6:12)

Got me thinkin’ that maybe my appreciation for your mission today is not capable to heal how upset I am for catchin’ you spying on me again. 

(6:13)

I’m not spying on you!

(6:14)

Even if I was there…There were way too many people. They are quite famous, that street band. Besides, I have no idea what you look like.

(6:16)

You know I have a mustache. 

(6:20)

I didn’t go to stare at people’s faces under their noses, Ted. I’m not a creep. 

(6:22)

Kinda glad I didn't bring Arthur.

(6:25)

Did you bring a friend?

(6:27)

Corgi, biscuits, or whatever the safeword was.

(6:30)

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. It was a beautiful day. I heard about the performance and I thought you might enjoy it. You quote music all the time. No harm done.

(6:34)

Did you like it?

(6:36)

No.

(6:36)

I loved it.

(6:38)

Do you regret going?

(6:44)

No, I don't.

(6:45)

It was good. 

(6:45)

Really good.

(6:45)

I haven’t felt that good, that… alive in quite some time, Rebecca. Thank you.

(6:50)

That’s good to hear, Ted. Truly.

(6:51)

Don’t you go thanking me, I’m just enjoying beating you in this silly game.

(6:55)

What am I gonna do with you?

(6:58)

You're going to adore me once my missions are done.

(6:59)

We'll see ‘bout that.

__

(1:13am)

Hey, Rebecca, you awake?

(1:15)

What’s the matter?

(1:18)

Why didn't you tell me?

(1:20)

That I was going to be there?

(1:22)

Yes.

(1:23)

Would you have come? If you knew?

(1:30)

Maybe.

(1:31)

…I don't know.

(1:31)

There's your answer.

(1:35)

Sleep well, Ted.

(1:36)

Yeah. 

(1:40)

Goodnight, Rebecca.

Chapter Text

Tue 25 Jul (3:45pm)

Wanna hear somethin’ funny? I ain’t complaining ‘bout Tuesdays anymore. To, like, anyone. New Tuesdays are cool now.

(3:59)

That’s good to hear, Ted. Truly.

(4:01)

What about these new Tuesdays?

(4:01)

It's silly.

(4:05)

What is?

(4:06)

Knowin’ that there's a delicious cupcake waitin’ for me on my way home. And that may come as a shock to ya, but it ain’t even ‘bout the cupcake. It’s about… kindness. The thought that someone out there thought ‘bout me first, on an ordinary day. That I’m not unwanted or alone or… Anyway. I told ya it was silly. 

(4:09)

It’s not silly. 

(4:13)

It makes it worth it. The missions, I mean. I know we don’t… know each other. Personally. But I thought maybe I could help make you feel better. I know London can be quite lonely sometimes. I’m a huge believer things happen for a reason and when it’s supposed to happen. Maybe that’s our reason. You, texting me by mistake. Me, making your life sweeter. 

(4:15)

I know. I know that. I appreciate ya. 

(4:16)

We’re not that honest with each other every Tuesday. That’s a bummer. Hey, maybe we could have Tuesday of Honesty from now on.

(4:17)

Don’t ruin this for me.

(4:20)

Alright. Today’s flavour: PRINCESS BETTY FUNFETTI CUPCAKE! 

(4:23)

…Why?!

(4:24)

Feelin’ kinda adventurous today. It’s pink with funfetti sprinkle glittery mix. And also, a rainbow sour candy on top. Can’t go wrong with that.

(4:25)

Keeley said it was a great choice.

(4:28)

I bet she did. 

(4:29)

Is she there?

(4:29)

In all her glory, yes.

(4:30)

I’ll leave you to it, then. 

(4:33)

I’m just mindin’ my business, seated in a chair, on my phone. Maybe frosting on my face, but that’s alright. Don’t get all flustered all of sudden. 

(4:35)

Am not. 

(4:36)

Enjoy your pink rainbow cupcake.

___

(4:15)

Guess who just walked in?! ;)

(4:17)

Javier Bardem?

(4:19)

Weird. He was here last week. How did you know that? 

(4:19)

Anyway!!

(4:20)

Get your pretty little butt over here!

(4:29)

Why?

(4:30)

He's here.

(4:31)

Your mystery man. The one we don't talk about like ever! Because you’re being stupid and not letting me play cupid. Ted!

(4:32)

He's not my mystery man, Keeley. He’s not mine, period! Stop that.

(4:33)

Leave him alone, don’t be a creep. 

(4:33)

What are YOU doing there anyway?

(4:35)

What d’ya mean, what am I doing here? I own this place, I get to come by whenever I want. 

(4:36)

Also, I realised Tuesdays were the day he was around, so maybe I worked on that information… Helped him choose today’s cupcake. ;)

(4:37)

Keeley!

(4:39)

And you should come by too, pay me a visit. Keep me company. We can have a lovely chat by the table next to the window… 

(4:40)

I’m serious, Keeley.

(4:40)

Calm your pretty tits, I won't tell him anything. I’d never betray your trust, you know that.

(4:43)

I also know how terrible you are at keeping your mouth shut when under pressure.

(4:46)

God, I’m just praying you won’t say too much for the next 20 minutes. You do remember we have a reservation for dinner? At six? When are you leaving?

(4:50)

Babes, about that… I know it’s a reservation for four and I know I promised you we’d be there… but Roy asked me to ask you to maybe consider… not waiting for him…

(4:52)

He’s not going?

(4:53)

He said, and I quote, “I’ll shoot myself in the mouth if I have to go on another double date with John Wingsnight”. I’m sorry. I tried.

(4:56)

Ugh. Fine. Forget it. I’ll tell John that Roy got sick with diarrhoea. 

(4:58)

Roy said he wouldn’t be opposed to a double date with mysterious guy, though… 

(5:02)

Of course you told him already. 

(5:04)

He’s cute. Cupcake guy. The type of cute that makes you want to smush his cheeks. And he’s funny, too. Everyone loves him down here. 

(5:06)

So much for the deal you made with him.

(5:07)

I’m not betraying him either. I just thought that maybe you’d appreciate to know that you’re not texting a dumbass or a ugly man. I wouldn’t allow that.

(5:09)

Bye, Keeley.

Wednesday 26 Jul (7:49am)

I found a loophole. 

(8:02)

What? Where?

(8:05)

Your texts. 

(8:06)

You said you didn’t drink caffeine, but first time I St. James’s-texted you, you said you needed to get some coffee first ‘cause you were up early and that made you grumpy. 

(8:08)

So what is the truth, huh?

(8:11)

It’s early again. 

(8:12)

And I said I didn’t drink caffeine. There’s coffee without caffeine. Decaf? It’s not my favourite thing in the world but I have it once in a while. Even though tea is better. 

(8:15)

Coffee without caffeine. COFFEE. Without caffeine. 

(8:16)

It’s like beer without alcohol. What’s the point? 

(8:23)

I don’t know, Ted, I don’t have inner monologues about what I drink in the morning to warm my body. 

(8:30)

Why so early today?

(8:35)

Idk. Just wanted to say hello first thing in the morning. 

(8:38)

Hi, Ted.

(8:39)

Hello, Rebecca. :) 

(9:45)

How did you find that loophole? Rereading our old texts, were you?

(9:54)

Busted.

___

(1:50pm)

Remember my boring weekly meetings?

(1:59)

How could I forget? The moments of shared knowledge we had…

(2:13)

They’re done. We sorted everything out about that matter. Thank the Lord. 

(2:15)

More meetings will appear, they always do, but at least I can cross that subject off my planner. 

(2:25)

That took a while. 

(2:29)

Yeah, well. It was a long conversation to be had.

(2:34)

And it’s super confidential?

(2:36) 

It’s super confidential. 

(2:45)

So I ain’t asking ‘bout it. 

(2:49)

Lemme ask you this instead: is that the end of our texting meetings also?

(2:53)

What? Why’d you think that?

(2:56)

I don’t know. You just kept on replyin’ to me ‘cause you were bored during one of those meetings. Now they’re gone so it’s safe to assume you don’t need me around anymore. 

(3:05)

Course not. I don’t know what type of people you’ve been bounding lately, but my affection is not that ephemeral. 

(3:08)

Besides, we moved on from only talking on Wednesdays long ago.

(3:13)

Yeah. Still. 

(3:16)

Affection, huh?

(3:34)

Yes. Affection. I’m not about to turn around from this as we usually do for the sake of our banter. Because I fear you don’t usually hear this enough. In case all the cupcakes and park performers didn’t give it away already, I do care for you and your well being. 

(3:56)

Thank you. For everything. 

(3:57)

It’s been quite something. 

(4:03)

Anytime. 

___

(9:35pm)

Jesus Mary Joseph, it’s cold!

(9:56)

We’ve had it worse.

(9:58)

Are we talking about the weather now? We ran out of things to talk about?

(10:01)

I wanted to talk to ya. I've got nothing to talk about today. My feet are freezin’ and I can’t feel my own toes. It’s full Arendelle when Elsa goes mad inside this flat. So this is what I talk about.

(10:05)

Thank you for your honesty.

(10:05)

Try the heater. 

(10:09)

It’s on. 

(10:10)

Oh, I’m sorry then. 

(10:14)

Do you ever just lie on your bed and stare at the ceiling?

(10:16)

I suppose that’s what you're doing right now.

(10:18)

Yes.

(10:23)

Yes. 

(10:23)

To your question. 

(10:26)

And what d’ya think about?

(10:39)

Everything. Nothing. How quiet everything is around me. How my mind doesn’t seem to shut up. The regrets I have for the life I’ve lived for the past ten years. My mother’s worst words ever addressed to me. My job. About how so many people count on me to fail. Long time lost friends that I should’ve reached more often. My goddaughter and the example I wanted to give her — and also the one that I managed to give her. How what we want almost never is what we have in the end. The things I wanted to say to my father but never did. The times I did wrong to people that didn’t deserve it. The times someone did me wrong and made me feel I deserved it. What I lost or never even had in the first place. 

(10:41)

I’m sorry.

(10:44)

Don’t be sorry.

(10:46)

Thank you. For sharin’ all that. 

(10:48)

There’s a lot to unpack there. 

(10:51)

God, please don’t. 

(10:53)

I won’t. It’s up to you.

(10:54)

I’m here. If you ever need to talk about any of this. 

(10:55)

You’re not alone in those feelings of yours. 

(10:56)

Thank you, Ted.

(10:59)

Don’t mention it. 

(11:04)

Does it ever go away?

(11:05)

What does?

(11:09)

The emptiness of a lost possibility, of a future that now is just a haze. A plan that won’t get to see the light of day no more.

(11:14)

I don’t know, Ted.

(11:16)

What I do know is that other futures and other plans appear right in front of you everyday. And it’s up to you to choose which one you want to unfold first. 

(11:20)

Yeah… I like the sound of that. 

(11:24)

Me too. 

(11:30)

You’re ready to call it a night?

(11:31)

Am not. 

(11:34)

Okay.

(11:35)

Do you wanna talk about your goddaughter? What’s her name?

(11:39)

I’d love to. 

(11:42)

Her name is Nora. 

___

(01:43am)

I came out of that deal jack squat and my folks gave me a hard time the rest of the year, but dang it was worth it!  

(01:44)

Told ya confidence was the key to success. 

(01:46)

You spent your prom night in JAIL, Ted. For a BET. That’s not my idea of success! 

(01:47)

Yup, but had I had made somethin’ different you wouldn’t be hearing this peach of a story now and havin’ a blast, would ya?!

(01:52)

FINE! You win. This is worse than my story about escaping from my room out of the window. 

(01:53)

Told ya I could be hardcore!

(01:53)

Shoot, it’s almost 2am.

(01:54)

Fuck, I hadn’t noticed it. Was way too invested in your story.

(01:55)

My sleep routine be damned now. 

(01:56)

Y’know what they say… Nothin’ good happens after 2am. 

(01:57)

So we should probably go.

(01:58)

Guess we should. 

(01:59) 

Thank you, Ted. 

(01:59)

What for?

(02:00)

I was about to stare at the ceiling and think about… all that. At the same time. 

(02:01)

You take me out of my own head. And that’s good for once. 

(02:01)

Like I said, just wanted to talk to ya.

(02:02)

I meant what I said, y’know. ‘Bout being here. Whenever and wherever. 

(02:04)

I know. 

(02:05)

Thank you. 

(02:07)

Sleep well, Rebecca. 

(02:08)

Good night, Coach. 

(02:09)

That’s new.

(02:10)

I liked it.

(02:12)

It’s a good night for new things. 

(02:14)

That it is. 

(02:15)

‘M always up for new. 

Sun 30 Jul (10:06)

Guess where I am. 

(10:10)

That’s not that hard, is it?

(10:10)

St. James’s?

(10:12)

No ma’am. 

(10:13)

Bushy Park. 

(10:15)

Choosing somewhere closer to home today, then. 

(10:17)

‘S quite nice here. 

(10:18)

Thank you for introducing me a new flavor of pizza. 

(10:18)

Or, you know. Flavor of park. 

(10:20)

You’re quite welcome. 

(10:20)

Someone with you?

(10:22)

Y’know it. 

(10:23)

(10:25)

Adorable. 

(10:26)

Always a better day when Arthur Bryant makes an appearance. 

(10:30)

He says thank you. 

(10:34)

D’ya ever go ‘round the city, Rebecca? And I don’t mean like havin’ somewhere to be or just quick walks to get to whenever you have to be. I mean mindful walks on purpose, those you only get when you want to get off your own head. 

(10:35)

I haven’t done that in quite some time.

(10:36)

Hard to get off our own heads these days, isn’t it?

(10:40)

Yep. That’s why I keep doin’ this every Sunday. 

(10:42)

Keeps me grounded. 

(10:45)

I miss this freedom. Walking around without a goal or a plan. 

(10:46)

Hey, you should try it again some time.

(10:47)

Yeah. Maybe I should. 

Tue 1 Aug (06:45)

Ted! We’re coming back to free cupcakes today. Was kind of enjoying this race we had going on, which I’m totally winning by the way, so it’s a bummer I cannot overdo myself this week, but I’m quite… busy. Sorry about that. 

(07:40)

Don’t ever apologize for free cupcakes! And hey, we can’t beat each other every day. It’s the intention that counts. Take that for life, will ya?

(07:44)

Somethin’ wrong? You’re up way too early for a not-morning person.  

(08:03)

Everything’s fine. My mum is in town. Surprise trip. Lodged in my house. 

(08:06)

If I disappear, be aware she managed to drive me insane and I just flew to another country to start a new life. 

(08:10)

That bad, huh?

(08:11)

Some special reason for this impromptu showing? 

(08:20)

You can say that. 

(08:23)

Do your parents ever visit you? I imagine that must be quite a challenge. All the way from the US. 

(08:30)

They don’t, no. 

(08:35)

Shit, so you wouldn’t know what I mean. 

(08:36)

You ever wish they did come to visit? Because let me tell you, it’s hard work. Dealing with… peculiar parents. This day and age! As if we’re still stupid teenagers. 

(08:40)

That is, assuming your mum’s as insane as mine and your father’s also a piece of shit.

(08:46)

My mother… Heck, we work best if we’re away, like the Gilmore Girls in reverse, let’s put it that way. 

(08:47)
And my father’s dead. So.

(09:02)

Oh, God. I’m terribly sorry, Ted. 

(09:03)

It was stupid of me. I shouldn’t have assumed it. 

(09:10)

Hey, don’t worry ‘bout that. It was a long time ago. 

(09:12)

We don’t have to talk ‘bout that.

(09:12)

Thanks for still managing the cupcake thing even when your mother’s in town. I appreciate it. 

(09:20)

You sure?

(09:21)

‘Bout what?

(09:24)

Not wanting to talk about it. We could. If you wanted. 

(09:25)

Not right now. 

(09:30)

It’s a heavy piece of information to drop at you before 10am. 

(09:34)

It’s okay, Ted. It’s my fault. 

(09:56)

Hey, don’t beat yourself, Steve Carrel!

(10:00)

Tell you what, go enjoy your mother, alright? I’m sure she means well. 

(10:04) 

We can talk later. When she goes to bed. Considering you don’t dope her first. 

(10:06)

Okay. Wait for me?

(10:10)

‘Course. Always. 

——

(5:20pm)

What's up, Doc?!

(5:23)

That was a hint of today’s chosen cupcake, btw. 

(5:46)

It’s the carrot one, isn’t it?

(5:48)

Oh yes. 

(5:49)

I feel great about my choice today. 

(5:50)

Fuck me, that one is good. My mouth is watering now.  

(5:51)

So you do know the menu and you are a fan of their cakes. I see it now. 

(5:59)

Guilty.

(6:04)

Hm. I think I should tell ya this… Keeley may have dropped some information. ‘Bout you. And look, I’m just tellin’ you this so you won’t go all Maddy from Euphoria on her, alright? 

(6:06)

First, it wasn’t her intention. Second, it’s not that deep. And third,

(6:07)

I don’t have a third. 

(6:10)

Oh, for fuck’s sake.  

——

(6:10)

The fuck did you tell him?!

(6:13)

Shit, I’m sorry, alright? I just assumed he knew! You talk all the time about important shit! How was I supposed to know? He was going on and on about how great the cakes looked today so the information just slipped out of my tongue!

(6:14)

Because we had a deal?!

(6:14)

Go on, what was it?

(6:16)

I may have… suggested… that your birthday is tomorrow. In my defence, he arrived the minute Mae took birthday cake sketches out of her pocket, cause yeah, we DESIGNED A CAKE FOR YOUR FREAKING BIRTHDAY, and yes I’m just putting that information in all caps and ruining the surprise so that maybe you won’t hate me too much. 

(6:19)

He said it was a beautiful design for a delicious cake and I said “oh, it’s Rebecca’s, don’t tell her!” and he went all confused and that second I KNEW I had screwed it up so I just offered him like ten extra cupcakes hoping we’d forget about it. 

(6:21)

Well, he didn’t. 

(6:22)

I’m sorry!!!

(6:23)

The cake better be fucking delicious.

(6:24)

Course it will be, Mae’s baking it. 

(6:25)

Why don’t you just… send a invitation? To your birthday dinner. 

(6:25)

Invite Mae?

(6:26)

Ted!

(6:27)

Are you out of your fucking mind?

(6:28)

Yes, please come over to my dinner, Ted that I text regularly but don’t actually know, and meet my crazy mother who just showed up unannounced for my birthday and also my stupid friends. I hope you all get along! Hey, here’s Keeley, that woman that owns the bakery you go to every week.

(6:30)

Babe, you forgot to mention your boyfriend.

(6:30)

I didn’t. He’s not going. 

(6:31)

What? Why the hell not?!

(6:31)

Said he had a ‘work thing’. 

(6:32)

On your fucking birthday?!

(6:33)

Yeah, well. I’ll live. 

(6:34)

Fucking arsehole. 

——

(6:16)

So you’re a leo, huh.

(6:17)

Now that’s revealing. 

(6:20)

Now what’s that supposed to mean?

(6:21)

It’s totally not fair that you get to know when my birthday is but not the other way around. 

(6:22)

February 23rd. 

(6:23)

I’ll remember that. For posterity. 

(6:23)

Pisces boy. 

——

(11:14pm)

Ted, are you there?

(11:16)

Hey, you. 

(11:18)

Everythin’ okay?

(11:20)

Yes. Mum is asleep. Thank God. 

(11:22)

I just wanted to apologise again. For earlier. It was dumb of me for suggesting things I don’t know. 

(11:25)

Don’t you fret, Boba Fett! 

(1:26)

Really, Rebecca, it was a long time ago. I was a kid when it happened. 

(11:30)

I’m well familiar with time easing things up, but some things not even the tic tac on the clock can fix properly, I’m afraid. 

(11:32)

My father passed away, too. Recently. I mean, six months ago. But still. 

(11:33)

That’s what makes it even more stupid of me for dropping the parents card. 

(11:34)

I’m sorry to hear that.

(11:35)

How are you holding up?

(11:36)

I’m good. I think. I think I grieve more over the unfinished things we ended up with than over not having him around anymore. 

(11:36)

Which probably makes me a terrible person. 

(11:37)

It doesn’t. It just makes you human. 

(11:38)

You know, for two people that met under the strangest circumstances, we do have a lot in common. 

(11:39)

Do you believe in fate, Ted?

(11:41)

Months ago, I’d have a whole different answer. 

(11:42)

Now? 

(11:42)

I believe there’s some kind of magic in this world. 

(11:45)

Remember the park band last week? My father was the one to introduce them to me. Two years ago, he was in town for some appointments, he and mum were getting divorced. For good this time, they said. Asked me to spend the Saturday afternoon with him at Bushy Park. Said it was his favourite because he could watch the deers roaming freely. We were passing by when we heard the music. Made us stop for a while, of course he did, that man was like a musical encyclopaedia. 

(11:48)

My father requested the band to play Rich Girl, the Hall & Oates song. “Would you be so kind as to play Rich Girl for my Richmond girl?”, he said. Spinned me around the whole song, as if I was still his little girl. We were never that close, but that was a special day. It’s one of my favourite memories of him. 

(11:50)

Thank you for sharing that. 

(11:50)

Not only the memories - but the place. I understand it’s personal to you. 

(11:51)

That’s why Rich Girl was your favorite that day, isn’t it?

(11:52)

Yeah…

(11:54)

When I divorced my ex husband, I used to go there all the time. Just like my father did when he was around.

(11:56)

I thought maybe you could use that, too.

(11:58)

Thank you. 

(11:58)

For everything. 

(11:59) 

I don’t think you fully understand how much you’re transforming this experience for me. This city, this neighborhood… hell, why not, this life as a whole. My days are infinitely better now that you’re around. 

(12:00am)

Hey.

(12:00)

Happy birthday, Rebecca. 

(12:01)

Thank you, Ted. 

(12:02)

Make a wish.

(12:02)

I think I just did. 

Wed 02 Aug (09:23)

Hey, birthday girl! G’morning! I know you probably have your day full with loved ones and celebration, and I know it’s also sort of short notice, but if you ever find some free minutes, can you make it to the bakery today? 

(09:30)

That’s suspicious. Why?

(09:35)

‘Cause I left you a little something there.

(09:45)

Ted, you didn't get me a birthday present, did you? Because you really didn't have to.

(09:50)

It’s hardly a present. Just a silly thing, really.

(09:52)

Okay.

——

(09:54)

[Incoming Call]

“Hello there, birthday cutie!”

“Hi, my love. You said happy birthday already.”

“I know, and I’ll keep doing it for the rest of the day. Just you wait until you see what I got you as a birthday gift.”

“Can’t wait. Hey, speaking of which, can you bring me the… thing… he left for me at Flavourtown when you go for dinner?”

“Who left what with me?”

“Keeley.”

“Why don't you come over and get it yourself? You’re two hundred yards from here anyway!”

“Is he still around?”

“Who, Rebecca?”

“Stop it!”

“Fine. I just wanted to hear you say his name. No, he’s not around anymore.”

“Okay. Just bring it with you! And don’t be late!”

“Only because it's your birthday! And please, tell that to Roy, he takes ages to get ready, you know that.”

“I love you, tiny creature. See you in a minute.”

“Bye, hottie!”

——

(01:45pm)

So, any plans for today?

(01:48)

Just a small dinner with friends and family. 

(01:49)

Except… I wasn’t the one to organise the event, so who knows who will be there and for how long. 

(01:50)

Popular. That’s very Glinda of you. 

(01:52)

Please. I’m more of a Madame Morrible myself. 

(01:53)

Ha! I can see that! 

(01:55)

You’re Boq, aren’t you?

(01:58)

‘Course I am. 

(02:00)

Be careful with the Broadway references, Rebecca, or else you’ll have the key to my heart. 

(02:03)

I’ll remember that. 

——

(7:40pm)

[Incoming Call]

“Keeley, what the f-”

“We’re on our way! Roy had to pick up Phoebe from school and she took ages to finish her exam.” 

“No, I’m talking about all these people! I thought I said dinner night at Ola's!”

“It is dinner and it is at Ola's!”

“There’s people dancing on tables, Keeley.”

“...and that’s a bonus?”

“Fuck’s sake-”

“I’m coming in, wait a sec.”

___

(07:49pm)

Ted. Oh my Goodness. 

(07:50)

Did you get it?!

(07:50)

Ooooh, that’s exciting! 

(07:55)

How did you manage to do that?!

(07:57)

I have my ways. ;)

(07:58)

Sending you a Spotify playlist link would be too impersonal. 

(07:59)

Even though I must admit I used that as a search source ‘cause my little old brain is not as good as it used to be when it comes to remembering things. 

(08:01)

Forget stupid streaming devices! This is an actual CD mixtape! Haven’t seen one of these since my teens!  

(08:02)

Is that your handwriting?

(08:03)

Oh yeah. 

(08:03)

Sorry if it’s all messy, I just thought you’d appreciate a spoiler about what you’re getting into. Don’t go blind into playlists, you know what I’m sayin’? We have the radio for that. 

(08:05)

A mixtape titled “the Saturday afternoon feeling when you hear Rich Girl the first time at Bushy Park”, with a corgi picture as the cover? 

(08:06)

You never cease to amaze me, Theodore whatever-your-last-name-is. 

(08:08)

Nah, I told ya it was silly!

(08:10)

It’s perfect.

(08:12)

Thank you. 

(08:13)

Best present ever. 

(11:49pm)

[Incoming Call]

“Sassy can’t find her phone. I’m going outside to help her look for it, I’ll be right back!”

“What? I can’t hear you!”

“SASSY LOST HER PHONE!”

“AND?”

“AND I’M-.... HELP-... IT-... RIGHT BACK!”

“KEELEY, I CAN’T HEAR SHIT.”

“I’LL CALL YOU AGAIN IN A SEC-”

(11:55)

[Incoming Call]

“Hello?”

“SPEAK LOUDER, DANI IS SINGING SOME SHAKIRA SONG AND THE BOYS ARE ALL CHEERING. What happened?! Where the hell are you two? Are you alright?”

“Rebecca?”

“KEELEY? SHOULD I GO OUTSIDE?”

“Oh, hm… I’m not Keeley! Unfortunately!”

“...Who is this?”

“...Ted. It’s Ted. Hi.”

“FUCKING HELL—!"

“Is this a bad time? Sorry, I can-”

“The fucking accent. I thought you were joking. Oh my God. It’s you.” 

“...I guess…”

“Could you wait… ONE SECOND… just one second?”

“Sure, take your time.”

“...”

“Okay. I'm… Fuck. I found a quiet corner. The bathroom. It smells weird. But I can hear you now. Shit. Hi.”

“Hey, Rebecca.”

“You called.”

“I did.”

“You never called.”

“I know. And look, I’m sorry for not askin’ if this was alright first. I guess I wanted to say this in person. Well... over the phone.”

“Say what?”

“Happy birthday, Rebecca.”

“...you said that. Midnight. You were the first to send that my way.”

“Yeah, but it ain’t the same, right? This feels more appropriate. On second thought, I hope I didn't scare ya with this.”

“No! No, don’t be stupid. Shit, I need something to drink.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Are ya okay?”

“Yes. Just a bit out of breath. It’s hot in here. God. And I had to- It was loud and- I had to...”

“You had to barricade yourself inside the bathroom.”

“Yes. Like they do in Les Mis. Not inside the bathroom. That would be… That would be stupid.”

“You're a bit speechless, aren't ya?”

“No! I’m... Fuck me. Yes- Yes, I am.”

“Thought so.”

“Your laugh...”

“What?”

“Your laugh is... It's nice.”

“Oh. That’s the silliness in me, that’s all. Me and my silly laugh. Look, I know I kinda dropped a bomb on ya, and I’m sorry if I surprised ya in the wrong way, but I... I really wanted to call you before your birthday was over.”

“I'm glad you did, Ted.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Thank you for my birthday present. I loved it.”

“‘Was nothin’. Make sure to tell me what ya think ‘bout my music taste after you hear it.”

“Course I will.”

“Did you find Keeley yet?”

“Oh. Shit. No.”

“I’ll let you go now, I don’t wanna be a party pooper. Go dance to Shakira or… whatever… but hey, make sure you find Keeley first, alright? Make sure she’s safe and everything.”

“Sure. I’ll do that.”

“‘Kay...”

“Ted?”

“Yes?”

“It was nice getting to finally hear your stupid accent.”

“Please. You’re a fine one to talk ‘bout accents, Lady Diana.”

“I meant… it’s nice to hear your voice for once.”

“Right back at ya.”

“Bye, Ted. Thanks for… calling.”

“Take care, Rebecca.”

“Talk to you later?”

“Y’know where to find me.”

(12:04am)

Found it!

(12:05)

Where are you?!

(12:15)

In the bathroom.

(12:18)

Shit, you drunk? Do I need to go hold your hair?

(12:19)

No.

(12:20)

Then come outside, Richard is trying to eat your cake!

(12:21)

Fuck.

(12:21)

Keeley. 

(12:22)

What???

(12:23)

I’ll tell you later.

Chapter Text

Fri 4 Aug (6:45pm)

‘Kay, I'm gonna take one for the team and be the first to step into this awkward ground and break the freezing ice here. Step back, lady, and close your eyes, don’t hurt yourself. Ready?

(6:51)

Awkward? That silly word. It’s like saying Macbeth in the theatre. Can turn a pretty normal situation into something else. 

(6:52)

Alright, theater enthusiast, so you’re saying this break we took after your birthday wasn't awkward?

(6:53)

It wasn’t. 

(6:54)

Huh. So it was all organic and life got in the way of your texting. 

(6:54)

Exactly. Busy week!

(6:55)

So we’re good?

(6:56)

We’re good, Ted. 

(6:57)

Okay. Now that’s a relief. I was bout to make a statement out of this, a whole monologue, Hamilton style. 

(6:57)

God, no. Don’t even think about rapping your words. It’s hard enough to understand what you’re saying as it is. 

(6:58)

Will you ever allow me to parade my good moves?

(6:59)

No!

(7:02)

So. Like I said. Busy week. I was saving this information for when we finally talked again, but I may have… walked across the park today. When I left my office to grab some lunch. That was nice. 

(7:03)

But what about the songs, Rebecca?

(7:04)

It’s your fault it’s a CD mixtape. Where the fuck am I supposed to play it?  

(7:05) 

If it makes you feel better, I read the setlist you managed to write against the cover and may have selected some of them to listen to on my earpods. On my streaming device. I’m sorry for ruining your vintage intention. 

(7:06)

Hey, it’s okay. Should've gone for the portable CD player also, huh! 

(7:07)

God, no. Please, no more gifts. I hate not giving something right back and I have no idea what to give you. 

(7:08)

Ha! 

(7:09)

No need for that. Wasn’t my birthday, your favorite pisces guy.

(7:10)

Hi, Ted. 

(7:11)

Hello, Rebecca.

(7:12)

I hate to say this, but I kind of missed you.

(7:13)

I know. :) 

(7:14)

Oh, you fucker.

(7:15)

Ha. Funny. I can read your texts with your voice in my mind now. 

(7:16)

How does that feel?

(7:17)

Amazing. 

(7:19)

Like when you give your Netflix password to someone and they put it in 'nother language so when you play House of Cards they're speaking German and it's disturbing but you can't help but leave it like that so you can hear it a little more. 

(7:20)

…I'm not even going to ask. 

(7:21)

I missed you too, Rebecca. 

____

(11:35pm)

It's a good day to hear from you again. 

(11:36)

And why's that?

(11:38)

Bad day. 

(11:39)

Sorry to hear that.

(11:39)

D'you wanna talk 'bout it?

(11:41)

Honestly? No. 

(11:42)

I'm just tired. Of living inside my own head. Do you ever get that feeling?

(11:42)

It's a pretty normal one. 

(11:44)

Wish I could just get out of myself for a second. 

(11:45) 

I'm sure there's a lot we can arrange to make that work. To leave your thoughts for a while, I mean. 

(11:46)

Like what?

(11:47)

Sex?

(11:48)

…I was thinking more of a horror movie marathon or a good bath by candlelight, but hey, go to what works for ya.

(11:48)

Your ideas are easier, anyway. 

(11:51)

Today's my wedding anniversary. Was? How you're supposed to say it after you divorce? Does it continue as an anniversary forever? Because that is fucking shitty. 

(11:52)

Death anniversaries are a thing, so I'm afraid we're stuck with that. 

(11:53)

So close to your birthday, huh? That's a lot of celebration for a week.

(11:54)

Yeah. My ex husband was that petty. 

(11:56)

Said he wanted to throw a party to celebrate my birth and rebirth. Whatever that means. 

(11:57)

That’s… something. 

(11:58)

Was it? A rebirth? 

(11:59)

Only when I left him.

(12:01)

That's better than nothin'.

(12:01)

Glad the day is over, then. 

(12:02)

Yeah… I think so. 

(12:02)

Either way, I'm gonna call it a night. Stupid thoughts are being stupid. 

(12:03)

Can I help in any way?

(12:04)

You already did.

(12:04)

Night, Ted.

Sat 5 Aug (8:45am)

Remember when you said you missed the feeling of walking in parks carefree, without a plan or something to do, just absorbin' the atmosphere?

(9:02)

Yes?

(9:04)

Do you have plans today?

(9:05)

No?

(9:06)

It's so lovely how good you are with words early in the morning. 

(9:06)

What are you doing right now?

(9:07)

Careful with those questions, mister. 

(9:07)

What are you plotting, Ted?

(9:08)

I have my own mission for you today. 

(9:09)

Why? What's the occasion? 

(9:10)

Nothin' in particular. It's just a beautiful day. 

(9:11)

C'mon, live a little, Rebecca!

(9:12)

I live plenty, thank you. 

(9:13)

So? What d'ya have for me? You're in? 

(9:14)

God.

(9:15)

Okay. 

(9:15)

Give me thirty minutes.

(9:16)

I can work with that. 

(9:17)

When you're ready, I'mma need ya to hit Flavourtown for a minute. So you can collect a few props for this amazing day. 

(9:18)

After that, have a nice walk to Richmond Green. You know that one?

(9:19)

Do I- of course I know Richmond Green, Ted. I am a local, you know that.

(9:20)

Just checkin'.

(9:21)

Flavourtown first, Richmond Green after. To do what, exactly?

(9:22)

Just like the amazing Axl Rose once sang: all you need is just a little patience!

(9:24)

You're infuriating sometimes. 

(9:24)

Thank you!

(9:25)

Hey, don't forget your CD mixtape. 

(9:27)

So you ARE plotting something!

(9:28)

Live, Rebecca!

_____

(10:02)

Entering Flavourtown as we speak.

(10:03)

…Dear God above, y'all are very serious with being on time. That's literally the 30 minutes you asked for. 

(10:04)

I have manners, Ted. 

(10:05)

So, what am I doing here?

(10:05)

Look for Mae and ask her to handle the 'Ted special' to ya. 

(10:06)

I'm not saying that. 

(10:10)

Jesus Christ.

(10:10)

Ted?

(10:11)

Ya have it?

(10:12)

I have it alright. The fuck?

(10:13)

It's a bloody heavy basket, Ted. 

(10:13)

I'm kind of scared of opening it. 

(10:14)

Can you wait 'til you get to Richmond Green to open it?

(10:15)

I don't know, Ted, CAN I?

(10:16)

Do ya trust me?

(10:17)

I guess…

(10:18)

Then you can. 

____

(10:30)

Oh my god. 

(10:31)

You silly, ridiculous man. 

(10:32)

What did I ever do to deserve you?

(10:34)

Pretty much all it takes is to reply to a stranger's wrong text. 

(10:35)

You comfortable yet?

(10:37)

I made it work. 

(10:38)

(10:37)

That's cozy!

(10:40) 

Gonna go through all your options now:

a) The biscuits. Pretty simple, you know the drill. That was a good batch. Baked them last night. 

b) There's a book in there, if you're in the mood for reading it. It's actually mine. You can keep it. I have 'nother copy. Don't ask.

c) A cup of tea. From Starbucks, obvs, 'cause I know nothing 'bout how to make this dirty awful water you somehow love. I also didn't know your tea order, so I'm betting on luck here. 

d) There's some salty snacks as well, 'cause I don't mind an explosion of different tastes every now and then.  

e) …And 'course, the elephant in the room. The actual CD player. You know, for your birthday present mix.

(10:42)

Ted. 

(10:43)

It's perfect. Thank you.

(10:42)

You don't mind laying on the grass by yourself? Was afraid you'd be one of those people that think being alone in public is a loser move. 

(10:43)

I don't mind that. 

(10:44)

I'm around people all the time. I can use some peace and quiet. Thank you. 

(10:45)

You keep on thanking me but it's nothing. 

(10:46)

Go. Enjoy this beautiful, sunny day.

(10:47)

Can we keep on talking?

(10:47) 

I wanted to share this moment with you.

(10:48)

'Corse, Rebecca. Anything you want.

(10:49)

The sun is shining bright today. 

(10:50)

That it is. 

(10:50)

And you still up for the hot to-go tea I put in there?

(10:51)

I'm always in the mood for tea. 

(10:51)

You're good at choosing things blindly. This one is actually quite good. Even though I'm not a Starbucks person.

(10:52)

Sinner!

(10:53)

You, American people, care too much about brands and companies that thrive under capitalism. 

(10:54)

Kay, colonizer, 'cause Europe has not bad blood in history books at all.

(10:56)

I've asked you this before but the sun is actually burning my skin as we speak… and it feels nice. And I can't help but thinking about it again. 

(10:57)

Your home. It's sunny like this almost all the time, yes?

(10:57)

Guess you could say that. 

(10:57)

Why you ask?

(10:58)

Days like this… don't you ever wish you were there? Days like this make you homesick? 

(11:00)

I do. 

(11:02)

But home is… a mutable concept. Somethin' I had to learn very early in my life. 

(11:03)

It's just that… everytime I bring it up, I feel a shift in you. As if it brings you emotions you don't want to point out just yet.

(11:04)

Which is absolutely okay, you don't have to tell me everything. 

(11:05)

Just wanted you to know that I notice. That I see you. 

(11:06)

Thank you.

(11:07)

For seeing me. 

(11:07)

Thank you for the biscuits. 

(11:07)

They're particularly great today.

(11:09)

Guess we're even.

_____

(1:12)

I think the sun fried my brain.

(1:14)

You still there, huh?

(1:14)

Don't tell me you fell asleep laying on the grass and got a serious sunburn. 

(1:15)

What? No. I'm seated in the shade. Took a lovely walk, as you said I should. Listened to your mixtape, the proper way this way. Thank you for that. 

(1:16)

And enjoyed the last 20 minutes reading the book you got me. 

(1:16)

Sense & Sensibility? Really?

(1:17)

's a great book!

(1:17)

Also a great movie. Thompson, Rickman, Winslet and Grant? C'mon now. Doesn't get much better than that. 

(1:18)

I know it's great. Read it when I was younger. Mum loves this one. 

(1:19)

Two copies, you said?

(1:20)

Back in college, thought I had lost the original one. A friend of mine was in a book club and stole 'nother edition for me. Found my own inside the basket of dirty clothes the day after. 

(1:21)

And kept the stolen one. 

(1:22)

Until today. Now you have it!

(1:23)

Lovely. So you're just using me to cover up your crime scene. 

(1:24)

Guilty. ;) 

(1:34)

Thank you for this. I needed a day like this. After yesterday, I… The feeling of being unwanted and useless was suffocating me. It was nice to walk away from that for once. If it wasn't for you I'd probably spend the whole day moping in bed. Or drinking. Drinking AND moping. 

(1:35)

I know. I notice you too, y'know. 

(1:36)

Ted?

(1:36)

Yes, dear?

(1:37)

I kind of wished you were here. With me. 

(1:38) 

It's silly, but something in me wanted to share the biscuits and fight over the left side of the headphones. It was a really great morning but I had no one to share it with. My quirky remarks about the kid that fell over after getting stuck in the dog's leash ended up without an audience. 

(1:40)

I could've texted it. I know. But I don't mean it like that. I mean…

(1:41)

I know. I know what you mean. 

(1:41)

I wish I was there with you, too.  

_____

(1:32am)

Sorry it's late - but I gotta show you somethin.

(1:33)

Bet ya asleep already so I'm gonna leave this as a mornin' treat for you to watch tomorrow.

(1:34)

Or whenever! 

(1:36)

Hey, you. What is it?

(1:36)

Shoot, did I wake you? 

(1:37)

It's fine.

(1:37)

I did, didn't I?

(1:38)

Not really, no. It's okay, Ted.

(1:38)

Show me what?

(1:39)

So I'm gonna sound nuts but in my defense I had one too many tonight. Was at some folk's house for dinner and I took Archie with me, 'cause they have a lovely niece that loves dogs but can't have 'em. 

(1:40)

Ted, are you sure this is your neighbour's dog and not yours?

(1:41)

Remind me to ask Ms. Shipley 'bout that tomorrow. He's been around my house a lot more these days. 

(1:43)

Anyway! So after dinner we messed 'round a lil bit and they have a piano there so I thought 'well, it's been awhile since I played this' and thought I could give it a go just for funsies. Then this happened. Asked my buddy if he could film it, 'cause I HAD to show it to ya. 

(1:44)

Click this. Trust me.

(1:44)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEcybVcdVYg

(1:50)

Ted.

(1:50)

Yes?

(1:52)

Ted.

(1:53)

That's me!

(1:54)

I don't even know what to say.

(1:54)

Is that you, playing that?

(1:54)

You betcha, Donatella.

(1:55)

That was… Bloody hell, Ted. This is my favourite thing you've ever sent my way. And your laugh?!

(1:56)

The song…??

(1:57)

Totally intentional. 

(1:58)

You left me speechless. 

(1:58)

Oh, how I love you, Arthur Bryant. 

(1:59)

He loves ya right back, he said.

(2:00)

'Night and sweet dreams, Rebecca.

(2:00)

Goodnight, Ted.

____

(2:01)

Keeley .

(2:02)

KEELEY.

(2:06)

Fuck. Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone you've never met?

Frid 11 Aug (2:28pm)

I need you to do something for me. 

(2:30)

'Ello, mate. 

(2:30)

What can I help you with?

(2:35)

So I 'pulled some strings,' as you called it, and I think you're going to love this. Need you to go to the Apollo Victoria Theatre. It's an easy find. You know that one? 

(2:36)

My my, that escalated quickly. From cupcakes to fancy West End theaters? You spoil me, Rebecca. 

(2:37)

You don't even know what you're doing there yet. 

(2:37)

Go on. What am I doing there?

(2:39)

I need you to go there and give the office box people your name.

(2:40)

If that doesn't work, make sure to mention someone called Flo Collins. 

(2:43)

Kay. Who'd that be?

(2:46)

You don't need that information. They'll know. 

(2:47)

Make sure to do that until tomorrow, otherwise this won't work! And clear your Sunday schedule! It will be worth it!

(2:50)

Y'know what? I ain't asking 'bout this, I'm just gonna go with the flow. 

(2:52)

Good.

(2:54)

Any reason in particular for this? I'm good enough with cupcakes and walks in parks. 

(2:56)

Yes. This is me thanking you. 

_____

(8:43pm)

Wicked tickets? Really, Rebecca? 

(8:50)

Thought you'd appreciate feeling a little closer to home. 

(8:52)

I mean. They at least reference Dorothy and her Kansas's manners. 

(8:56)

Two tickets front now? 

(8:59)

In case you wanted to invite someone to go with you.