Archive of Our Own ^beta

The soft hum of the Astral Express reverberated in the quiet of the Archives. Laying sprawled on her back atop Dan Heng’s thin futon made the sound louder in Stelle’s ears. It was a comfortable sound—the sound of home. She wore a modest tank top and shorts, her usual sleepwear that she had picked up a long time ago on one of their many stops. March 7^th had insisted. She held a glowing tablet above her face, reading the content intently. Occasionally she would pause to ask a question to her typically quiet companion.

He would answer her, of course, and explain in however many words he saw fit. He lay beside her with a small but respectable distance between them, just close enough so he could see the words on the tablet. Propped up via his elbow with his cheek resting in his palm, occasionally he would lift his other hand to point at the words or touch links on the screen to further the explanation he was giving. Long hair hung around his shoulders and pooled beneath him. His sharper eyes and curved horns seemed to glow in the dimly lit room.

Stelle glanced up from where she lay to look at him. He wore a tight sleeveless shirt that showed off a generous amount of his build and lose pants. His true form was so ethereal that there was something comical about his casual dress.

It took barely a minute for him to notice she had stopped listening and his gaze flickered down to meet hers.

“What? Is there something on my face?”

“Ah, no… more like on your head.”

His eyes narrowed into a flat look and she giggled. “Sorry. It’s just unusual to see you this way.”

He looked away quickly and she saw the faintest hint of embarrassment in his expression. It was a new experience for everyone on the Astral Express to behold Dan Heng’s true form as a Vidyadhara. When he had returned to the Express following their adventure on the Loufu he had also returned to his human disguise. Even now, weeks following it, he always maintained his human appearance. Therefore, to see him look like this felt forbidden—like a special secret he was sharing just with her.

It had been a few moons now of quiet moments like this. At first there was a distance. He would answer her questions and she would use it as an excuse to finally get him to talk to her more. He’d plant himself firmly on one end of the room while she sat on the other, scrolling through the data bank to add further context to his explanation. Then they would fall silent for a long while. When she inevitably found something else to spark her curiosity she’d pipe up and he would pause whatever he was doing to answer. This routine became an almost nightly ritual and through it she saw a slow change in his comfort around her. She would even go so far as to say his guard had dropped completely when they were alone.

He seemed less averse to getting close to her now. It was a casual closeness, one built on familiarity of their time together here and on the battlefield. He would often sit or lay near her while they spoke. It felt nice even if they sometimes spent the entire visit in silence. When he was near her like this, she always felt a strange urge to snuggle up to him. She wondered how he would react.

Stelle became aware of his gaze on her, so she quickly looked back to the tablet to distract herself. She’d been staring this whole time without even realizing it. She felt her face grow hot. They were dangerous thoughts to stray to unless she was alone. An unfortunate side effect of this familiarity was just how infatuated she had become. Stelle told herself that anyone would feel some level of attraction to a man as handsome as he was. It would never mean anything. As close as they had gotten there had always been a wall he maintained. The feelings were clearly not mutual.

Never mind that they were sharing his bed right now or that he was so close she could feel his warmth.

Stelle dragged her thoughts away from that subject quickly and began scrolling down the entry list to find a different distraction. Suddenly she paused on a specific entry.

Vidyadhara.

She pursed her lips in thought before grinning and tapping it. The entry popped open with a mechanical blip and she heard a soft snort from Dan Heng.

“Really?” he deadpanned.

“I thought you might know a lot about the topic.”

He made some noncommittal noise in reply, but she could tell he was annoyed. She tried not to laugh. It was way too fun to ruffle his feathers. In truth she had read this entry before. It was shortly after everything on the Loufu had happened. Frankly, he shouldn’t blame her for being so curious after that adventure. It was only natural.

As she anticipated, the entry wasn’t any different from last time, and she couldn’t really think of anything to ask. As a comfortable silence settled over them again Stelle began to feel too sleepy to want to speak anyway. Her mind wandered away as she became absorbed in the entries, and she hardly noticed a quiet movement beside her. By the time she blinked back to reality she realized how late it had gotten.

Stelle turned her head, fully intending to apologize for keeping him awake for so long, only to find he was very much sound asleep. Today was certainly a day of firsts. Dropping his disguise for the first time since the Loufu and now openly falling asleep at her side. Stelle would swear he was incapable of sleep if not for the evidence right in front of her face. He had one arm folded under his head while the other rested loosely over his stomach. He looked so peaceful.

His face was very close, and she felt herself blush. It was pointless to pretend. It wasn’t infatuation she suffered from it was a full-on crush. What had started as a genuine attempt to get to know him had evolved into a hopeless attraction. And it really is hopeless, Stelle reminded herself. That wall was solid. She knew she could never breach it but there was no harm in fantasizing. From here she could at least admire his pretty face. She smiled and rolled over on her side to face him, placing the tablet aside. She shifted a little closer against her better judgement.

Dan Heng’s rest changed suddenly when she did. She hadn’t noticed at first, but his face seemed flushed. His expression contorted like he was in discomfort. She frowned. Was he having a nightmare? He’d told her once, mostly by accident, that he suffered from them sometimes. Stelle felt guilt overtaking her. Maybe now was a bad time to indulge in fantasy. She propped herself up on her elbow and reached out with her other hand to touch his shoulder, intent to shake him gently awake. Before she could make contact his hand suddenly snatched her wrist. It made her jump and she thought for sure he had woken up. Yet when she looked down his eyes remained closed, eyelids twitching as he dreamed. Suddenly the grip on her wrist tightened considerably and pain shot down her arm.

He pulled her towards him, and she squeaked in surprise as she collapsed on his chest. His warm breath washed over the skin of her neck as he buried his face against it. His fingers from his other hand traced the nape of her neck. Claws pricked painfully at the sensitive skin. Her whole body went rigid. Subconsciously she held her breath as her heartbeat hammered in her ears. His skin was burning in an alarmingly unnatural way.

He took a deep breath and his lips brushed tantalizingly against the curve where her shoulder and neck met. She expected him to kiss her so when he bit down hard enough to hurt instead, she gasped. It was more startling than truly painful, but she tried to tug out of his grasp nevertheless. In doing so she heard a sharp inhale, felt Dan Heng’s body suddenly tense, and the grip around her wrist loosened enough to be significantly less painful. Stelle realized he must’ve woken up but before she could say anything he swiftly sat up. He pulled her up with him so quickly her head spun, but noticeably pushed her away to arm’s length.

“You have to leave.”

Stelle opened her mouth, desperate to say something, but she couldn’t find her voice. Dan Heng’s face still looked awfully flushed but her mind was so hazy she couldn’t really appreciate it. When she suddenly found clarity again, she had stumbled into the hallway and the Archives door had snapped shut behind her.

She stood frozen for what felt like an inordinate amount of time simply staring at the starry sea through the window.

Or maybe that wall had crumbled a long time ago.

The Archive visits ended after that night. The following morning Stelle assumed her fantasizing had gone too far and she’d suffered from a vivid dream. Yet there was no denying the dark bruise around her wrist or the obvious teeth marks on her skin. When she stared at her reflection in the mirror to examine it, she recalled how sharp his bite felt—like the fangs of an animal. It had been so rough, so primal like. His skin so abnormally hot against her own. She went red at the memory and tried to ignore the warmth that pooled low in her belly. It had been very real, and she had no idea how to process it.

For a full four days she did not see Dan Heng at all, even during daily life on the Express. No one else seemed alarmed by his absence and, worrying she’d draw attention to herself by asking, Stelle decided to just let it be. The others had been kind to not comment on her sudden wardrobe change of long sleeves and high collared shirts, but an unfounded worry told her they’d ask questions about it if she inquired after Dan Heng’s whereabouts. There was no reason to worry he’d left the Express. Sometimes she saw empty cups of tea in the parlor shortly before Pom-Pom picked them up. He was certainly somewhere.

When Stelle finally felt bold enough to confront him, she found the Archives always empty. One evening she tried to wait inside for him, forcing herself to stay up all night if she had to. In the end she lost the battle with sleep and when she woke the next morning she had been relocated to her room. She thought about trying to sneak back to the door and enter before he was properly awake, but she knew that was pointless. He had already proven more than once that he could hear footsteps approaching the Archives from down the hall. Dan Heng’s hearing was so sharp she could never hope to sneak up on him. This ability was likely why he’d been so successful at avoiding her. He always knew where she was and where she was heading.

He seems determined to avoid me forever.

Stelle had begun to miss his presence. She hadn’t realized how comfortable those evening Archive visits had become until they were gone. The thought of never having those moments again was unbearable. She had hoped that maybe he missed her too, but the longer time went on without an appearance from him the more she started to feel that the enjoyment had been one-sided.

Was I imposing on him this whole time?

The thought made her heart ache fiercely. Meanwhile the memory of how he’d touched her had created a different kind of ache. Stelle’s room on the Express had been prepared in the next car down. It was secluded from where the others slept and when she’d been assigned it, she thought it was a little lonely. Now, with such wild fantasies in her head making her knees weak, she was grateful for the privacy.

Tonight, feeling particularly horny after she’d let her mind wander too much in the bath, Stelle sprawled naked across her bed and slipped her fingers between her thighs. She tilted her head back against her pillow. Strands of hair still damp from her bath clung to her face and neck. Soft lips against her neck, heated skin pressed flushed against her own, teeth sharp like fangs, rough hands pinning her down, long hair spilling over his shoulders to tickle her back… The memory remained vivid in her mind’s eye because of nights like this. Of course, she had made sure to add some embellishments. It made the fantasy all the better.

Stelle pushed two fingers inside herself and writhed, moaning quietly. She bit her lip as she did with a sudden sense of self-consciousness. She may have this private space, but it wasn’t soundproof. It was probably wise not to be so careless. Her mind drifted back to her fantasy. It was a bit difficult when her imagination went this wild. All that time admiring him from a distance that was so close yet so far only to suddenly have him touch her like that had really undone her. She had no idea how she’d go back to normal.

A door slammed shut and she jumped. Stelle bolted upright, yanking her bed sheets over herself instinctually. Her heart was hammering loudly in her ears as she stared wide eyed and flustered at her bedroom door. It was shut and locked just as she had left it. She sat in silence, panting slightly from a combination of panic and arousal. That door had sounded very close. She knew the bathrooms were in the neighboring car so maybe it had just been that.

When she heard nothing else, she slowly released the tension in her body. She let out a shaky breath. That was close. Whoever it was probably hadn’t heard anything incriminating if they had only been passing by. Not unless they had unusually sharp hearing.

Stelle paused on that thought. She blinked bleary eyes downward at the thin sheets covering her.

Surely not.

The next evening, Stelle found herself in the Archives again. She lay on her back on his futon like last time except she was alone. She sighed. Attempt two of trying to wait for him here wasn’t going well. It’d been hours already and it was starting to get late. She was vaguely aware he had been prepared a private room that he never used, and she wondered if that was where he had been escaping to. Maybe it was worth asking Pom-Pom where it was. Stelle closed her eyes and stretched, trying to keep herself awake. She was wearing her loose sleepwear again, the usual tank top and shorts combo. It made it that much harder to ward off sleep as the combination of her dress and lying on a futon triggered her brain’s want for rest.

At some point she must’ve drifted off because the next thing she was aware of was someone trying to move her. A gentle but strong arm looped around her back to slowly sit her up, another tucking under her knees. The motion stirred her awake and then, as everything flooded back to her, she blinked her eyes open quickly. Stelle shifted and turned her head sharply. Her gaze met bright turquoise eyes. The glow within them intensified when he realized she was awake. She watched Dan Heng freeze, in the process of trying to scoop her up to presumably move her back to her room like he had done before. His lips parted slightly in surprise before he pressed them together in a thin line of annoyance.

Finally, she’d caught him.

He released her immediately and moved to stand up. Stelle scrambled upright and snatched his arm before he could, keeping him knelt beside her. He glanced sharply at her hand. She felt so relieved and happy to see him despite the scowl on his face.

“Dan Heng!”

“If you’re awake, then you can leave by yourself.”

His voice was tight. Dan Heng’s gaze shifted downward, and he refused to meet her eyes. Vidyadhara again… she mused silently as she studied his complicated expression. But why? It wasn’t as if she minded but she knew it wasn’t his preference to appear this way. So, she couldn’t help but wonder. It would probably be too forward to tell him she liked his true form. He was so beautiful it was unfair, even in his current casual style of dress.

“What, am I suddenly not allowed to use the databank?” Stelle finally replied.

“You weren’t using it. You were asleep on my bed.”

“W-Well… because I was waiting for you. Where have you been?”

“That’s none of your concern.”

“It is! You’ve been avoiding me. It makes me sad.”

She felt him tense under her touch and he lifted his chin slightly to finally look at her. His expression softened. She hadn’t really meant to admit that, but the words had just kind of fallen out of her mouth. Dan Heng sighed heavily and tugged his arm from her grasp. She expected him to leave but instead he sat back against the shelf, eyes slipping closed. He seemed tired.

“I wasn’t avoiding you.”

The audacity of him to tell such an obvious lie.

“So, it was just my imagination that you vanished from the Archives most evenings? Come on. I’m not stupid. We don’t have to talk about what happened if you’re really that embarrassed, but I want to at least let you know I’m not mad about it.”

She watched his shoulders tense and suddenly he seemed reluctant to open his eyes again. The calmness he had just before left in an instant. Stelle shuffled on her knees just a hair closer to him and immediately his eyes shot open. He stared at her fiercely and she couldn’t quite pinpoint why it alarmed her. What a very unusual reaction to such a small motion.

“Enough,” he snarled, and she saw a flash of fangs. He really did have them. There was a strange harshness to his voice, however, that snapped her out of that idle thought. This aggressive behavior was so unlike him. His face looked flushed again. “Just leave.”

“No,” she replied immediately. His expression darkened in a way that made her heart start to race but she refused to be turned away. After all this time she finally had him cornered. She wasn’t going to let him chase her out. “I’m not going until you talk to me. You’re not acting right.”

“The Archives aren’t a place for conversation,” he told her coldly.

He had said those exact words to push her away the very first time she had entered the Archives. It was like everything between them had been reset to zero. Frustration bubbled to the surface.

“Well, you didn’t seem to mind last time I was here,” she shot back, shifting forward. “Or the several dozen other times. Dan Heng, I don’t know what’s going on with you but it’s starting to worry me.”

She expected him to retreat as she drew close given his previous reactions but to her surprise he didn’t budge. Spurred forward by this, Stelle found newfound boldness to draw even closer. She sat on her knees between his, almost nose to nose with him, and met his eyes with a determined glare. They seemed to burn, that fierce blue-green color glowing faintly. His lips set in a thin line betrayed nothing of what he was feeling, and this irritated her. Stelle’s patience with this had reached a pinnacle. She was going to get answers out of him if it was the last thing she did.

“Stop avoiding me, stop being combative, and tell me what’s going on. I told you I wasn’t mad about what happened.” She lifted her index finger and jabbed it roughly into his chest. He flinched but she was beyond caring about his personal comfort. “So just talk to me!”

She had barely finished her words when he suddenly closed the short space between them, leaning forward and aggressively crushing his mouth against hers. His arms wrapped around her lower back, and he trapped her tightly against him. He kissed her hard--hungrily. It was like he wanted to consume her. It was unlike anything she could have dreamed about. At once she was robbed of her irritation as everything in her mind faded to give way to this one sensation. She yielded instantly, slumping into his chest as he held her. The heat from his body was overwhelming and strange. It was almost uncomfortable.

His tongue forced her lips to part, and she moaned helplessly. He sought her taste, demanded it rather than asked for it, and Stelle thought that maybe he really did seek to consume her. He explored her mouth thoroughly as if to memorize it. His tongue felt sinfully long. It was all Stelle could do to clumsily kiss him back. She had no idea what she was doing, and it was probably obvious, but that didn’t seem to matter to him. She expected him to run out of breath eventually, yet it was like he never did. So, she did instead, and she squirmed when it became too much. She forced her mouth away despite how difficult he made it. She gasped frantically for breath and felt unbearably lightheaded.

Dan Heng gripped her chin between his thumb and index finger. Although he had stopped, his lips hovered just over hers as he panted lightly. Stelle slowly blinked her eyes open, and she stared at him longingly. Her whole body tingled in the aftermath of that kiss.

“You really… need to leave,” he rasped. His voice was thick. He stared at her with half-hooded eyes and a heated look that told her he absolutely did not want her to leave.

Stelle tilted her head back slightly to blink blearily at the ceiling. She laughed breathlessly. “I’m getting some real mixed signals here, Dan Heng.”

He still had her pulled tightly against him so even if she wanted to she couldn’t exactly stroll out the door. Thankfully Stelle didn’t want to. Her mind was racing as she desperately tried to gather her thoughts. Unfortunately, the only thing she could think of now was the way he had kissed her.

Suddenly Dan Heng’s arms fell away, and he gripped both her shoulders tightly. He pushed her back to recapture the previous distance between them. He somehow managed to look more flushed than before. His eyes seemed clouded yet the glow in them was brighter than ever as he met her gaze again. Butterflies suddenly filled her stomach. He looked like a beast ready to pounce and with his Vidyadhara features maybe that wasn’t far from the truth. She grew distracted by his kiss-swollen lips and the way they parted slightly.

Without thinking she lifted her hand to press her palm against his cheek. She watched his eyes flutter at the contact. The fire on his skin was somehow as delightful to the touch as it was uncomfortable.

“You’re burning…” she muttered. “Tell me what’s happening to you.”

The request seemed to bring some clarity back into his eyes and he reached up to grab her hand, forcing it away. There was more hesitation in the motion this time.

“It’s… complicated. Stelle, please. You must—”

“I’m not leaving,” she huffed. “If you tell me to leave one more time, I’m going to slap you.”

His eyes widened a little in surprise, breaking his usual visage. It was an expression that almost looked out of place on him—a look more reminiscent of the boyish face his human disguise provided. She stared back at him in defiance as if daring him to try and remove her himself. Never mind the fact he absolutely could if he wanted to, something told her he wouldn’t. In that moment, however, Stelle decided she knew what she wanted. She leaned closer, felt him tense at her motion, and tilted her head to brush her lips to his ever so slightly.

“Please. I want to stay with you.”

He kissed her almost instantly, groaning softly against her mouth in such a desperate way that it made her shiver with delight. It was wrong to take advantage of whatever this was, but she did not regret it with the way he kissed her. She knew she might be playing with fire by not fully understanding the reason for his behavior and that the consequences could be irreversible but somehow that made this even more thrilling.

When he broke the kiss, she whined loudly. Suddenly, her world tipped over. He pushed her back against his futon and she barely had time to think about it before his body covered hers. He kissed her again, somehow more fiercely than before. His fangs came down sharply on her lower lip and she shuddered violently. It was more passion than she ever thought Dan Heng capable of and it overwhelmed her. Her fingers tangled in his long hair, gripping tightly to try and ground herself. She shouldn’t be this lost this quickly. She shouldn’t. Aeons, the way he kissed her…

When she was forced to break away for breath, Stelle was gasping. There was a moment of clarity. “W-Wait,” she stammered.

He obeyed, meeting her gaze with half lidded eyes. It was a look so lustful that it shot heat straight between her legs. The intensity of his gaze was also somewhat alarming. He didn’t look like the same person she had been speaking to mere minutes ago. Stelle licked her lips and watched his eyes flicker down to follow the motion.

“I really think… you need to tell me what’s going on.” She wasn’t certain why her rational mind had suddenly risen in protest. A moment ago, she had been perfectly content to let this play out, but now a little seed of doubt had sprouted in the recess of her consciousness. Little, but very loud in its concern that something might be very wrong with him.

His eyes narrowed slightly. A look of clear displeasure crossed his face. He ducked his head and kissed down her throat instead of offering a response. Stelle hissed, head falling back without thinking. She pulled a bit harder at his hair.

“Dan Heng,” she warned.

He growled and that was a sound that was way more attractive to her ears than it should have been. “Why?”

“Why?” she echoed, incredulous. “You don’t think all of this warrants an explanation?”

Suddenly she felt his hands against her thighs. He pulled her legs apart so he could slip between them, and he rubbed himself roughly against her. Stelle gasped and felt him shudder over her. The thin clothing between them did little to mask his arousal.

He leaned over her, hair sweeping across her bare shoulders and clavicle, as his lips found her ear. “Is it not obvious?”

Heat swelled inside her and she swallowed thickly. Dan Heng was acting like someone totally different, and she had no idea what to make of it. It was like he was running on some kind of animalistic instinct—primal and illogical. Unfortunately, the part of her brain that remained worried about this fact—that was very right in its assessment that this needed immediate explaining before things went too far—was starting to get drowned out by how turned on she was. That poor seed of justifiable doubt didn’t stand a chance.

I think I did this out of order, she thought dazedly. Trying to pry the information out of him now was clearly not going to work. It felt like she had pushed him too far over an edge and into a place where he was no longer capable of thinking straight. She had found out those consequences of playing with fire before she fully understood it. The worst part was that she wasn’t sure she cared how hard it burned her.

She felt his fingers squeeze her thigh and sharp talon like nails dug into her skin. They were sharp enough to hurt but the pain felt sinfully good.

“Okay,” she mumbled breathlessly, completely giving up. “When you put it that way, I guess it is.”

She felt his fingers slide up her thighs to pull at her shorts. She expected him to pull them off her but instead she heard the fabric rip. Aeons…

He lifted one hand to his mouth and abruptly bit off his claws. Stelle could hear them crack underneath his fangs as he worked off all five, leaving blunt ends. She wondered why, but she didn’t have much time to consider it as he leaned back down. His mouth was against her ear again.

“I could hear you.” His breathing was rough and his voice so deep it was intoxicating.

Her eyes fluttered closed. His fingers had wandered down and slipped underneath her underwear, achingly close. I guess that’s why, she thought. The realization made her breath quicken into excited pants. Thinking about him touching her was all she could focus on, so she barely registered his words. She almost didn’t want to reply but he confused her enough to warrant one. “What?”

“In your room.”

Her eyes opened in a flash, blinking rapidly. In the same moment, his fingers touched her and stroked her folds with surprising gentleness. Stelle inhaled and shuddered hard. Suddenly, her mind was spinning for a thousand different reasons but mostly she felt mortified.

Oh…

So, she had been right. Dan Heng hadn’t been in the Archives because he’d gone to his room for a change and that room had been… She tried to recall the memory. The sound of the door slamming practically in her ear. Of course. His room just happened to be the one beside hers without her knowing. Or maybe it had been a few doors down. It didn’t matter, she realized. His hearing was so good that no matter where he was in the car itself, he probably heard exactly what she was doing.

He pushed his fingers inside her and she moaned, arching her hips into his hand. He kissed her ear, and she swore she felt him smirk. “Mm. Yes, it sounded just like that.”

Her fingers were still gripping his hair and she yanked with as much deliberate fierceness as she could muster. He hissed sharply. She was so embarrassed and therefore not letting him get away with that scot-free. His fingers worked in a delightful rhythm and stroked her in all the right places. It was as if he was more familiar with her body than she was. She bit her lower lip hard to try and stifle anymore unbridled moans wanting to work their way out of her throat.

Dan Heng made a quiet noise of displeasure but that was her intended reaction. After saying such an embarrassing thing, she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. That, and now she was suddenly acutely aware that the Archives were way less private than her quarters had been.

He finally pulled back to meet her eyes. “Are you embarrassed?” he asked, amused.

She tried to glare at him in response, but his fingers were still moving so she probably just looked desperate. “How shameless of you,” she panted, “to have been listening.”

“It wasn’t on purpose.”

She wasn’t sure she believed him given his behavior. Dan Heng ducked his head and kissed her neck. She felt the sharp pricking sensation of his fangs scraping against her skin. “Be louder,” he growled, voice husky and impatient. His fingers moved deeper.

Stelle arched her hips against his hand again and gasped, but the strong reaction was more from the way his voice sounded than from his continued movement between her thighs. Without even thinking about it she obeyed, moaning his name with a sudden unrestrained passion she hadn’t realized was there. She took delight in the way it made him shiver and he moved to roughly kiss her mouth. If he was going to bark orders like that she wasn’t going to last another minute.

His fingers hit deep, found a spot so good it set every nerve on fire, and she feared she was going to pass out. Since he was still kissing her all she could do was cry out against his lips in near anguish. The intensity must have startled him because he leaned away, and her eyes fluttered open to meet his gaze. His flushed face and eyes half lidded, lips parted on ragged breath, was a really good look for him. The intensity of his lust was more apparent than ever, and she nearly came from that alone.

Stelle reached her hands up to touch his face. “Again,” she begged. “Right there. Please…”

He complied, fingers curling against that spot again, and she shuddered harder. Her head fell back with a satisfied wail. She was aware of his eyes on her as she writhed against his touch, but she didn’t care. She wanted to come on his fingers so badly, but his touches seemed to be deliberately avoiding it. It was unbearable. It was a feeling of so much pleasure it was starting to become painful. The intense heat from him made the air feel thicker—so hazy that she could barely breathe. Her chest heaved with labored breath, and she felt the sharp ache between her legs increase as he held back just enough to deny her.

Then he slipped his fingers away and she felt agony. She made a soft, frustrated whine at him even as she watched him pull off her underwear. Well, more like ripped off. Her mind was in such a stupor that she didn’t really register it, but she noted that it was gone without her moving her legs. She really did not have enough extra clothing for him to be doing that. He rid her of her shirt next and then she watched him pull his clothes off too. She licked her lips at the sight.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to mourn the loss of his touch for too long but unfortunately, she also didn’t get to admire him naked for very long. Dan Heng pushed her over roughly and pulled her hips up to his. There was no warning as he pushed inside her and moaned deeply. Stelle gasped, surprised by how fast he moved, but not at all complaining. She curled her fingers tightly in the thin sheets below her. She expected some discomfort at the very least but there was only ecstasy—an addicting heat she couldn’t possibly get enough of that filled her. She felt his breath against the back of her neck. He moved inside her after a short pause, pulling back and then pushing roughly in as deep as he could go. The glide of his cock against her slick walls sent a violent shiver down her back. The pleasure that pulsed through her from that single motion was indescribable.

“Ah, fuck…” she groaned loudly, voice muffled in the pillow her face was buried into. There was a feeling of relief and desperation all at once. More. She wanted more. She wanted him.

He was rough. His mouth left marks on her neck and shoulders as he fucked her. His claws on his one hand sliced through the skin of her thigh and left bloody scratches in their wake. He dug the fingers of his other hand into her hips hard enough to bruise. Whenever she moved, tried to push herself up just a little or turn to look over her shoulder, he’d shove her hard back down against the futon with a rough hand in her hair. Overwhelming pleasure punctured by the occasional sharp pain, and it was everything. Her cries were so loud that there was no way the whole train didn’t know about this now. Even better to her ears was hearing his. Though much quieter, sometimes her name slipped out and it made her heart flutter. Needy pants punctured his groans, breath hot against her ear. Stelle wished she could see his face.

After all his teasing she approached her climax quickly. All that tension and heat that had been building burst in an instant and she hissed softly, writhing and shivering with a pleasure she’d never known before. Dan Heng shuddered with her, pushed his hips roughly against hers and groaned deeply against the back of her neck. She felt a searing heat fill her, his orgasm mingling with her own, and she was the most satisfied she’d ever been in her life.

“Stelle…” he whispered, voice hoarse and sedated. He sounded heavenly. “I’ll always belong to you.”

Her eyes fluttered open. What a thing to say, she thought. Her body felt like jelly and when he moved away, she collapsed flat on her stomach. Pleasure and exhaustion both hummed through her. She felt so good. Dan Heng leaned back down over her, kissing her neck. He rested a hand on her hip.

“Not enough,” he whispered huskily.

Stelle let out a long breath. “What kind of stamina do you have?” she teased lightly.

A dragon’s stamina was the obvious answer, and it clearly outpaced her measly human equivalent. What exactly that entailed, she wasn’t certain, but it made her shiver in anticipation. His fingers tightened against her hip and pulled her over onto her back. Stelle peered up at him and studied his features with adoration. The heat in his skin had faded but there was still a lovely flush to his cheeks. He looked at her fondly, but with a heated desire that had not yet dissipated. She couldn’t tell if he was back to normal or not. Stelle drew her arms around his neck to pull him close.

She brushed her lips lovingly against his. “Maybe you can convince me it’s worth staying awake.”

Dan Heng kissed her without hesitation, and she felt him smile against her lips.

It was a long night but in the best possible way. Stelle couldn’t remember when pleasure finally faded and she fell asleep, but suddenly a twinge of pain in her back forced her awake. She shifted and lifted her hand up to rub her eyes, groaning softly in pain as she tried to stretch the kink out. Dan Heng’s bed was truly an awful thing. He was nestled against her side with an arm wrapped low around her hips and face pressed against her neck. He felt pleasantly warm, a stark contrast to the fire like heat from before. She heard him make a soft sound against her skin when she stretched, and she paused.

“You’re awake?” she asked with genuine surprise.

“Yes.”

She assumed the first thing he’d do upon waking was leave or move her out of his room. She tilted her head a bit on the pillow, shifting her body slightly so she could try to look down at him. Yet he was so settled against her that she couldn’t see his face. His hair was everywhere, and the sheets slipped low around his narrow waist. Stelle felt warmth blossom in her chest, and she smiled.

“How kind of you to stay,” she teased. She brushed her fingers into strands of hair near his pointed ear. She resisted the urge to move them further up and touch his horn.

“It’s my bed.”

Stelle snorted back a laugh at the seriousness of his tone. It would seem he was back to normal. That thought sobered her. The lingering worry about his behavior hadn’t really left her. Even when she had decided to ignore caution and give in to him, she’d felt it lingering in her mind.

Dan Heng stirred and lifted his head to stare at her. Her breath caught in her throat at the gentleness of his eyes. She wanted to kiss him, but it looked like he was searching her face for something.

“Hey,” she finally spoke quietly, “Are you okay?”

His lips parted slightly like he wanted to speak but then closed. He hesitated before he lowered his gaze and frowned. “…I’m sorry.”

Stelle shook her head quickly. “Don’t.” If he felt regret or shame, like this was all some kind of mistake, she wouldn’t be able to take it. “I’m not upset. I was willing, don’t forget that. I just… want to know what happened. You…” She trailed off and sighed. No need to be embarrassed to ask this now. “You were like a different person. I mean, you were still you but… driven with some kind of instinct to just… fuck me.”

The words just kind of fell out of her mouth and she felt him tense. His expression was comically scandalized. She almost laughed.

“Don’t say it like that.”

“How else do I say it? Because what you did to me wasn’t exactly tender love making, now was it?”

Dan Heng lifted his hand and pressed his palm against her mouth, groaning. “Enough.”

The way his face went red was hilarious. For him to find these words embarrassing after what they did last night was endearing. She was tempted to lick his palm but the need for answers, for real this time, kept her from misbehaving. He lowered his hand and sat up. He pulled her with him by her hips until she was settled in his lap, straddling his thighs. At some point he’d put his loose pants back on, but she was still entirely naked. Stelle suddenly felt self-conscious, but it evaporated when he leaned forward and kissed her. It was different than before. It was so gentle.

It still managed to make her want to melt and when they parted, she sighed softly. She blinked her eyes open to look at him and there was resignation on his face.

“Sometimes when Vidyadhara are reborn they suffer… abnormalities. This is one of them.”

Stelle’s brow furrowed in thought. From what she had pieced together on her own he’d acted like a beast in heat. The fervor of it had been unusual but to call it an “abnormality” felt like a bit much. Something clicked in her mind, and she recalled what she’d read in the databank entry.

“Because… Vidyadhara can’t reproduce?”

He glanced away with clear embarrassment but nodded. Stelle blinked. Admittedly it was a bit fascinating to think about. She never considered that a race with no biological means of reproduction would therefore have no sexual urges and so would view such sensations as abnormal. She had about a hundred questions pop into her head based on this alone, but she worried he might wither with embarrassment if she asked any of them.

“Okay, but that felt a lot more intense than just being horny.” He gave her a flat look for her words, but she ignored him. “I mean, it’s not like I have experience with anyone else’s besides my own but still.”

“You really do just say the first thing you think of, don’t you?”

She huffed. “Don’t change the subject.”

Dan Heng sighed at her. “I told you. It is an abnormality. Many Vidyadhara still feel sexual desire or take enjoyment from the act, but… that is not what this is.”

So, was it not the feeling itself but the intensity of it? This would be a lot easier to understand if he wasn’t so vague with his words all the time. She sighed back at him, trying to mock the way he’d just done it.

“Just say it plainly. I won’t understand if you keep being vague.”

She stared at him expectantly and watched a sudden shift in his eyes. The embarrassment seemed to have given way to melancholy. He pulled her close, wrapping both arms around her waist, and buried his face against her neck.

“A very long time ago, before Long’s death, Vidyadhara did have children. They chose mates and had families with them. It’s an affliction from that bygone age—an intrusive need but easy to ignore unless you find the person you are meant to be mates with. Then… it is overwhelming. All you want is to make them yours. All you want is to be chained by them.”

Stelle felt heat rising in her cheeks. The way those words sounded in his voice did some wonderful things to her body. Focus, she grumbled to herself. This kind of intense devotion was hard for her to imagine. It almost sounded romantic. She was his mate? Did he decide that? He made it sound like it was a choice that got made for him but how? Another hundred questions had come to mind.

She felt his arms tighten around her waist. There was a quiet desperation in the way he clung to her. “It doesn’t bind you, though,” he told her.

Stelle lifted her hand and threaded her fingers through long strands of hair. She wasn’t sure what that meant but she was starting to piece a little bit of this together. “But it binds you?”

Dan Heng nodded wordlessly. The complicated sounding nature of this topic was probably why he hadn’t wanted to explain in the moment. Yet Stelle couldn’t help but think he absolutely should have explained in the moment. The consequences sounded way more serious for him than they did for her.

“What does that mean?”

“It means you can do whatever you want.”

Stelle groaned. His vague answers were going to be the death of her. “And what does that mean?”

“You don’t have to be my mate… but I’ll be yours.”

She frowned. That statement sounded heavy. In other words, she didn’t have to love him back? But…

“I’ll always belong to you.”

Her lips parted slightly as realization sunk in. Yet for him he would never, or could never, love anyone else. She wasn’t a Vidyadhara so the whole concept of feeling this connection he described was beyond her ability. Yet when she thought of it that way it suddenly seemed quite cruel. For a Vidyadhara to feel that connection with someone beyond their control and therefore not even guarantee reciprocation or understanding sounded like the worst kind of love.

“Do you think I won’t want to be?” she asked carefully. She didn’t want to give him the wrong idea but the way he spoke made her think he was expecting a rejection.

There was a long silence. Just when she begun to think he wasn’t going to reply, he spoke in a low whisper, “I think you would force yourself to be even if it made you unhappy because you are kind.”

Stelle drew him into an embrace instantly. She felt some tension coil tight in his body when she did so. Those words made her feel a sadness she couldn’t describe.

“That’s why,” Dan Heng murmured against her skin, “I tried to avoid you so you wouldn’t have to make that choice, but I was too comfortable around you and I lost control of it. It wasn’t fair to put that burden on you, but I did. I shouldn’t have.”

“You didn’t,” she reassured him gently, somewhat desperately. “I pushed you.”

“You didn’t know.”

“I didn’t know the details, but I knew something wasn’t right about it. It didn’t stop me because I want to be with you. So please… don’t say that.” She tightened her arms around him. She didn’t know what else to do or say to get him to understand that it wasn’t a burden to love him. That hopeless attraction, that fantasy turned crush, ran deeper than she realized until right in this moment. She loved him. She loved him so much she thought her heart might burst. This new information didn’t change that.

“I’ll be with you because I want to be,” she told him softly. “I promise.”

At last, she felt the tension in his body lessen. He relaxed fully into her embrace though his arms around her waist didn’t loosen. “…Okay.”

Stelle wasn’t entirely sure if she got through to him but for now, it was enough. With time she was certain she could show him just how much she meant it. She wasn’t sure how long she spent simply holding him, enjoying the gentle warmth and comfort of his body pressed against hers. When he moved ever so slightly, she became aware of the time and finally released him. She leaned back to peer at his face, meeting his eyes with a warm smile. He looked uncharacteristically sleepy.

Stelle lifted her hand to press her palm against his cheek. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

Dan Heng reached for her hand, curling his fingers around it to pull it away from his face. “No.” He turned his head to kiss her palm, eyes fluttering closed. “I want you.”

She blushed, but her smile widened. It was dazzling.