Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The part Remus couldn’t ever get over is that when he was younger, he was fine.  Ask anyone, he was a happy kid.   He and Roman liked playing pretend, wrestling for fun, drawing or writing together, running around together in the rain and getting absolutely soaked.  Remus was bright eyed and optimistic and hopeful and ready for a happy future and a fulfilling life.

It was all absolutely the fucking soulmates fault.  Whoever they were, Remus was never going to forgive them.

“Please don’t jump.”   That had to be the first thing they said to him.  They couldn’t have said “Hey, why don’t we go get some ice cream instead of this?” or “Hey, can we talk for a bit first?”

Or maybe they were talking about skydiving!  Maybe Remus was going to develop a passion for skydiving and meet his soulmate, the scaredy-cat who’s having second thoughts right before they jump completely safely out of the plane!  That sounded right up his alley, didn’t it?  That sounded like him!

Or it had.   Up until his parents shoved him into this clinical emotionless condescending hellhole and turned Remus’ life into the ultimate self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because the thing is, if you explain to someone over and over and over again that you’re fine, and you don’t feel like you have any mental issues, and they never believe you?   Well.  That can fuck with someone in the head a little bit.

Either way, it meant Remus had spent most of his life in this stupid fucking hospital, and he wasn’t going to get out for the foreseeable future.  Probably not ever, because no one ever believed him.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true.  Roman believed him.  Roman had been there the first time they’d asked Remus if he thought about hurting himself, and Roman had given them a baffled look because Remus told him everything, obviously, and if Remus had been bothered by something he would have told him.

Roman had just a tad bit more luck than Remus in the soulmark department.  His wrist said “I love you, you know that?”

Meaning everyone thought he was going to have just the most peachy soulmate story ever.  Someone who was starry-eyed from the second they met him.  How could anyone with such a soulmark have any problems whatsoever?  Never mind Roman’s crippling insecurity and desperation for attention, which Remus had to do his best to help Roman with alone, because no one else was ever going to bother trying.

Instead, Roman was there as no one believed Remus when he explained that no, he really was fine, he was good, why was that so hard to believe?  Roman had backed up his story, seeming baffled that none of them understood that.

He’d protested alongside Remus when he started seeing therapists he didn’t need and Roman wanted, and eventually when Remus was sent away to a psych hospital that neither of them needed.  But the two of them backing each other up had apparently never been enough, and now Remus was here and got to see Roman once every two weeks as if that was enough to stop feeling bitter about Roman growing up without him.

His one consolation was that Roman hated it just as much as he did.  He’d never come with news that he’d made friends, even though he had to have.  He never told Remus that he’d gotten the lead role in a school play, even though his parents had told Remus earlier that visit.  He never told Remus that he’d gotten his drivers license, despite his parents raving about how proud they were.  Instead, they talked about creative projects they’d been working on together since the last time Roman was there, they watched TV shows on the phone Roman brought with him that Remus wasn’t allowed to have.  It was like Roman had decided that while he was there, his life consisted of Remus.

Remus adored him for it.  He could imagine just how quickly he’d come to hate Roman if he started telling Remus about the life he was living without him.  He wanted Roman to have one, obviously.  But he also didn’t want to hate him.  And he still wanted to be part of it.  So Roman found a way to, as best he could, say that Remus still was.

Remus just wished it could be enough.

But it wasn’t.

No amount of working on stories and paintings with Roman could change the fact that he was here every day, had no choice or chance to get out, and no one believed that he didn’t want to fucking kill himself.

Remus imagined that it was all of this put together that first made him start considering the idea.

Not seriously, not at first.  Just a little sarcastic laugh of a thought, “Why don’t you just prove ‘em all right then, if they’re going to think they are either way?”

Heh, yeah.

Hey… yeah.

What did he have to look forward to anyway, really?  It’s not like he was getting out of here at eighteen.  His parents still got to control that.  He wasn’t mentally well enough to make the decision.  Because he was never mentally goddamn well enough to make the fucking decision.  And he never would be, because no one would ever let him be.

And he wanted out of here.

The idea made more sense the more Remus thought about it, and there wasn’t much else to think about in here.  He was sure Roman picked up on something being wrong (or at least more wrong than usual), but he didn’t tell him.  He trusted Roman, but he also trusted that if he admitted to Roman what he was thinking, Roman would tell someone.  And then everyone would feel vindicated in shoving Remus in here.  And then Roman would start wondering if he was wrong to have Remus’ back.  And Remus could not lose him.

So he said nothing.  And Roman said nothing.  And Remus stumbled his way into a plan.

Visiting time was good.  Roman and him had worked out years ago that if Remus didn’t show up right away, he was sneaking some kind of contraband that would make his life a little more bearable, and Roman shouldn’t say anything.

So Remus, minutes before visiting started when the orderlies were getting everyone else ready, slipped into the stairwell.

There wasn’t exactly easy access to the roof for obvious reasons, but Remus knew how to break a window from the top floor.  And he was pretty sure it was just high enough to work.

So why couldn’t he force himself to throw the damn rock at the window?

He’d been staring at the window opposite the top of the stairs for at least fifteen minutes now, trying to figure out why he couldn’t throw the thing.  It’s not like he had all the time in the world.  And this was probably his only chance, because once someone found him here, he’d be watched much more closely.  So he really should throw the rock right about now.

Do it.  Throw it at the window.  Now.

…Except he didn’t want to die.  Even now, he didn’t want to die.  He’d never wanted to fucking die.

Remus set the rock gingerly on the window sill and buried his head in his hands.  Why couldn’t he just want to fucking die?  Wasn’t he now trying to do what everyone expected of him?  Wasn’t that supposed to be a good thing?

Footsteps on the stairs behind him.  Remus reached out and picked up the rock, looking numbly out the window instead of behind him at the person.

But then Roman’s voice said, “Remus,” gasping and panicked, so he set the rock back down on the windowsill.

Roman wrapped his arms around him from behind.  “You didn’t show up after ten minutes,” Roman murmured into his shoulder.  “What are you doing here?”  He asked it like he already suspected the answer.  Remus didn’t give him another one.

“Remus,” Roman said.  “Please—”

“Don’t,” Remus snapped.  “You dare.”

“I wasn’t,” Roman said, sounding almost surprised.  “I wouldn’t.  I was going to say ‘please come back with me.’”

Remus shook his head.  “No.”

“Remus—”

“No, Roman.  I’m done.”

“You can’t be,” Roman said.  “Remus, you can’t be done.”

“Why not?”

“Remus,” Roman said, sounding scared, desperate.  “Remus, please, I can’t lose you.”

“The hell are you talking about, you’ll be fine,” Remus snapped, gesturing down vaguely towards Roman’s wrist.

“No I won’t,” Roman said.  “Don’t tell me that, don’t tell me how I feel, I—” Remus tensed, and he stopped.

“I’m sorry,” Roman whispered.

“I can’t spend another day there while they try to find out what secret trauma I have hidden away as if it’s not them,” Remus spat.  “I can’t do it.”

Roman didn’t say anything, just squeezed Remus tightly.

“I can’t do it Roman,” Remus whispered.  “I don’t want to die, but I can’t live like this anymore.”

“So,” Roman said suddenly.  “So don’t.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Let’s leave.  Let’s run.”

“What, you think it’ll be different somewhere else?”

“It will if you already have your soulmate.”

“I don’t,” Remus said.  “They’ll never let me meet them anyway, not while I’m here.”

“I’ll be your soulmate,” Roman said.  “I’ll do it for you.”

Remus gave him a look.  “You can’t just do that.”

Roman gave him a very firm look back, took his wrist gently in his hand, and said honestly, sincerely, and worriedly, “Please don’t jump.”

Remus looked at him for a very long time, but didn’t say anything.  Finally, Roman gently offered his own wrist out to Remus.

A million protests ran through Remus’ head.  Roman couldn’t give up his perfect soulmate story just for his stupid fucked up institutionalized brother.  Roman had a person out there waiting, someone who probably loved him romantically, instead of just the stupid platonic soulmate like Remus would be, that most people didn’t even want in the first place.  Roman couldn’t just run off with him, how would they live, neither of them had jobs.  Roman would be leaving friends and school and a potential future behind.  Remus couldn’t take any of that from him just because he was tired and miserable.

Roman nudged him gently with his wrist, cutting off all his protests.

Remus turned and met his eyes.  Roman was looking at him with nothing but love and determination.

Remus’ eyes well up with tears.  “I love you, you know that?” he whispered, completely genuinely.

Roman nodded and pulled Remus into his arms, and they both sat there for a while.  They’d have a million details to work out, but there was still another half hour left for visiting, and for right now Remus was going to sit here with his brother.

Chapter Text

Roman and Remus were both experts at cheating the system by now.  Roman showed up here often enough that he was trusted to take Remus out on day trips sometimes.  They didn’t happen nearly as often as Remus liked, but they happened every now and then.  They’d gone to rage rooms and carnivals and on long drives through the countryside.  The memories were some of Remus’ happiest.

Roman told the people in charge of Remus’ care that he wanted to take him out on their birthday the next month, to get Remus a cake he could shove his face into (that part was actually true.  Remus had always wanted to do that during a year when he could remember it instead of just as a one-year-old, which he could not remember and was therefore completely unfair).

They gave him the go-ahead, and it was like a weight suddenly lifted from Remus’ shoulders.  Suddenly nothing was so bad, because all of this absolute bullshit had an end date.   Remus made sure not to show his relief, but holy shit did he feel it.

When the day arrived, they gave Remus a set of normal clothes and a day pass, and Roman showed up as soon as visiting hours started.

Remus wasn’t quite sure what to feel as he was walking towards Roman’s car.  The whole world seemed slightly off kilter somehow, as if someone had boxed Remus on the ears and now they were ringing.

As the car came into view Remus felt a gentle hand on his arm.

He turned to see Roman mouthing his name— no, wait, he was talking.  Okay, maybe the ringing ears were actually happening.

Remus shook his head, trying to clear it.  “What?” he asked.  His voice sounded like he was underwater.

Roman looked at him for another minute, and then just shook his head, took Remus’ arm, and pulled them both towards the car.

Remus stared out the window as they drove away, at the building getting smaller and smaller behind them.  Was he really never going to see it again?

Roman’s hand on his arm again finally snapped his brain back to reality, and Remus glanced over at him.

Roman was looking at the road, but the concern was still obvious on his face.  “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know how to exist outside that fucking place, Roman,” Remus said weakly.

“It’s okay,” Roman said, squeezing his arm.  “I’ll help you figure it out.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Remus asked, turning in his seat to look at him more directly.

“A little late to be asking that, isn’t it?” Roman asked.

“Well, no, not really.  We could just go get a cake and you could take me—” Remus stopped and swallowed the words, unable to say it.

Roman gave him a look.  “Yeah, sure I could,” he said.  “You’d be fine.”

“But you’re giving up your life,” Remus said, looking back out the window.  “Mom and Dad, your future, your friends.”

“What friends?  You’re my friend.”

Remus turned to stare at Roman again.  “What, are you telling me you don’t have any friends?”

Roman’s hands tightened around the wheel.  “No one could figure out how to stop making fun of you long enough to make a good impression.”

Remus kept staring at him.

“I do not want,” Roman said firmly.  “Anything this stupid town gives me.  And more than that, I don’t want to stay here if it means I might lose you.  The only thing this place has ever done for me is make me feel worthless, and then it took away the one person who didn’t make me feel that way.  Why would I want to stay here a second longer than I have to either?”

Remus reached across himself with his free arm and squeezed Roman’s hand.  “You’re not worthless,” he said quietly.

“Maybe,” Roman said.  “But I do know that I’m never gonna find out if I stick around here and keep waiting for things to change.  I’m tired of letting other people tell me what to do.  Especially when it comes to you.  So let’s go shove our face in a cake and then we’re gonna head west until the car gives out.  Sound good to you?”

Remus took all that in for a second and nodded, looking back out the window.  Even though he couldn’t see the mental hospital in the rear view mirror anymore, it still didn’t feel real.

Roman drove through town, which looked different from the last time Remus had seen it a couple years ago.  The ice cream shop was closed down in favor of the Dairy Queen that had moved in, which was just the worst.  The school was shabbier, with still no repairs in sight.  Their house, that Roman drove by once for the heck of it but Remus barely remembered, looked the same as it apparently always did.

(Roman slowed as they approached the house, and asked Remus if he wanted to say goodbye to their parents.  Remus flipped off the house, said “There, said it,” and then they drove on.  The experience did remind Roman to turn off his Find My Phone app though, so their parents were good for one minuscule thing after all.)

They stopped at the cake shop, where the baker waved at Roman as he walked in and disappeared into the back, likely to get the cake.  Roman must have set this up beforehand.

He reappeared with a simple cake, since obviously Roman couldn’t tip anyone off what they were planning.  So it just said “Happy Birthday To Us!”  It was a sheet cake long enough for the two of them both to fit alongside, so Remus lined up next to Roman, the two of them shared a grin, and then shoved their faces into the cake.

The baker sighed, seeming a tad irritated, but Remus stuck his tongue out into the section his head was in and managed to get a couple bites of cake down.

He pulled his head up to a universe covered in cake and very difficult to see.  His face was covered in cake and frosting, and he tried as best he could to lick it off, laughing at Roman standing next to him doing the same.

The baker passed them both a couple of towels, and they both used it to wipe a decent amount of cake off of their faces, though Remus still managed to eat some of it.

“There’s a bathroom in the back,” the baker said with a sigh, picking up the ruined cake that Remus got the feeling he didn’t like having ruined and carrying it into the back, followed by Roman and Remus.

They both headed into the bathroom he directed them to, and Remus used the towel and the sink to wipe off the rest of his face and hair.

“How is he in the cake business if he doesn’t want to make smash cakes?” Remus asked Roman as he stepped back from the sink.

Roman raised his hands in a shrug and started cleaning off his own face.  “Maybe they’re just not a big part of his business.”

“Or maybe he just wants to have his cake and eat it too,” Remus said with a grin.

Roman gave him a deadpan look.  “Dude, come on.  Don’t go for the low-hanging fruit.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Remus said brightly.  “I’ve missed all the opportunities to make terrible jokes that don’t have to do with mental hospitals.  Let me broaden my horizons.”

Roman shook his head, but he was wearing a fond smile, and he didn’t say anything else.

They headed back out to the car, grabbing the real cake Roman had gotten them to eat on the way out, and then Roman drove them back the other direction, towards the edge of town.

Remus watched the houses fly past with a growing grin on his face, and when they finally passed the “Come Back Soon” sign, he rolled down his window and flipped that off too, then stuck his head out the window and screamed, just for the hell of it.

“Careful,” Roman said with a laugh.  “We’ve got a ways to go before they can’t track us with ease, you know!”

In answer, Remus screamed again.

He did climb back into the car after a second though, and beamed out at the signs of the countryside starting to pass them.  Remus couldn’t ever imagine living in a city.  It might have been easier to hide, but Remus was never going to live surrounded by walls ever again.  No walls, none.  He needed space space space.

They drove for three hours before stopping for gas, and Remus didn’t stop smiling once.

“How are we gonna afford gas by the way?” he asked.

In answer, Roman flashed three of their parents’ credit cards, and Remus cackled.  Yes, they’d probably shut them off eventually, but not before they both got far, far away.

They bought a bunch of snacks from the gas station too, and Roman bought two sets of pocket knives.

They got back to the car, but before they headed out again, Roman grabbed Remus’ arm.

“What?” Remus asked.

“Well, you won’t need this any more,” Roman said, and Remus looked down just in time to see him use the pocket knife to cut off his day pass bracelet.

Remus stopped smiling, and looked down at his arm with nothing wrapped around it.  Roman pulled away and drove off without seeming to give it much thought, but Remus turned to the window so Roman couldn’t see the faint look on his face as he stared down at his arm.  His soulmark was still there, but the medical bracelet he’d taken off when they gave him the day pass was gone, and the day pass was gone now too, meaning nothing anyone could see could instantly tie him to that place, and no stranger they met would know Remus was supposed to be behind cold stone walls living his life by someone else’s assumptions of how he was feeling.

He wasn’t quite sure when he started crying, but eventually he was looking away from his wrist and out at the fields racing past them, tears dripping down his face.

They made it a good way from the exit of the highway before he started to sob, but Roman pulled the car over anyway, turning to Remus in alarm.

“Re?” he asked.  “Re, are you okay?”

Remus didn’t have the first clue how to articulate anything he was feeling, so instead he held up his wrist, gestured to it, and made vague broken sounds.

Roman got it, because Roman always got it, so he put the hazard lights on, parked the car, and reached across the space to pull Remus into a hug.  Remus sobbed into Roman’s arms for a good ten minutes, and Roman thankfully didn’t say anything, just held him close and let him.

There were stories about your soulmate understanding you more than anyone else, and Remus had always thought those stories were bullshit, because Roman got him better than any stranger he hadn’t met ever could.  But if this was really what they were doing, if they were deciding they were soulmates because they fucking said so, and the universe could piss off, then Remus… well.

He could almost get it.

Chapter Text

They didn’t stop much after that, and by the time someone was going to start looking for Remus, they’d driven through a few states without much incident.

They were driving towards a rainstorm right now, and Remus had already told Roman he wanted to stop, to get out of the car and dance around in the rain for a while before they kept going.  Roman had pulled some towels out of the trunk and put them on the seats so they wouldn’t get everything soaking wet, meaning when they got into the downpour area of the storm, Roman pulled off at the next exit and into a gas station parking lot, and the two of them climbed out and ran around like little kids.

Remus danced, and laughed, and turned his face to the sky and screamed.  The gas station attendant had at one point come out to see if they were alright, but Roman had waved them off and the two of them kept running around.  They stayed there until the sky lightened, and the rain had mostly stopped, but not enough to prevent the faint rainbow that made an appearance and that the two of them got way too many pictures of.

They got back in the car absolutely soaked to the bone, and Remus was probably going to have a cold tomorrow but he could not give less of a shit, the world felt bright and free and worth it for the first time in ages.

And then Roman’s phone rang.

Both he and Roman exchanged a dreaded look.  They’d known this was coming.

Roman picked up the phone, checked the caller ID, and then nodded to Remus before answering and putting it on speaker.

“Hi,” he said, and nothing else.

“Have you lost your mind?” came their father’s angry voice through the phone.  “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“Yes,” Roman said, and nothing else.

“Roman,” said their father.  “You are going to turn that car around right now young man, and you are going to bring your brother back here this instant.  You cannot just kidnap someone who—”

“Kidnap?” Remus snapped, despite himself.  “I’m sorry, did you miss the fact that this is all I’ve wanted since you stuck me in that place without giving me any say in the matter?  Do you not remember the fighting, or crying, or begging?”

Their father got quiet for a moment.  “Remus,” he said eventually.  “I understand that your life can be hard sometimes, but we’re just trying to help you.  We’re worried about you.”

“I didn’t need help!” Remus screamed, grabbing the phone from Roman, who let him take it and kept driving.  “I told you that over, and over, and over again!  I told you I didn’t need help, Roman told you I didn’t need help, I was fine!”

“Your soulmark—”

“Is a worthless piece of shit!” Remus screamed.  “If I meet my soulmate, I’ll fucking punch them in the face!”

“Remus!” came their mother’s voice, who apparently was in on this fun action too.  “How can you say that, they’re your soulmate!”

“Who apparently has the worst fucking timing in the history of timing!  I don’t want them!  I don’t want anyone who brings my life that much misery!  And what do you know, that includes you two!”

“Remus,” their mother said weakly.  “Please, we just wanted—”

“I know what you wanted,” Remus said, changing his tone so it was closer to cold than angry.  “I understand what you wanted.  But you never talked to me.   You never asked what I wanted.  And what I wanted was a normal fucking life.  I wanted to go to school with Roman and make friends together and have fun and be allowed to be happy, which I was.   Because I didn’t fucking want to die.”

Neither of their parents said anything this time.

“Roman and I made a deal,” he said.  “We said each other’s soulmarks, so we’re each other’s soulmates now.  We also kind of want to give this whole happiness thing a shot where no one’s actively trying to make it impossible.  So we’re gonna head off and figure out what that looks like.  If you love us at all, stay out of it.”

Remus hung up and tossed the phone into the backseat.

“You okay?” Roman asked quietly.

“Peachy.  You?”

“Not really,” Roman said.

Remus looked out the window.  “Me neither,” he said quietly.

“I’m gonna pull off and get gas before they shut down the credit cards,” Roman said.  “We might be done after this tank runs out.”

Remus nods.  “Okay.  You alright not heading for a city?”

Roman nodded.  “Yeah.  As long as I get to head to New York one day and perform on Broadway, I’m good living wherever for now.”

“You’re too good for Broadway,” Remus said with a smile at him.

“That’s kind of impossible, Remus.”

“You’re going to invent being too good for Broadway.”

“Remus,” Roman said with a laugh, shaking his head.

“The world is going to go up in flames the first time you act onstage.”

“I did act onstage for the first time already, it was a middle school production.”

“Yeah, that’s right.  And the town already couldn’t handle it.  See, we had to leave, you were so good.”

Roman laughed again, and they kept driving.

The phone in the back seat didn’t ring again.

…

The car broke down in a relatively small town in northern Arizona, and while Roman went to ask someone passing if there was a tow truck company they could call, Remus climbed out and stared at the horizon.  He could see so much of it out here.  There weren’t any trees, which was probably an issue in the summertime, but it was fall so it was cool, and Remus spread his arms and let the wind rush over him.

Roman walked back over to Remus while already on the phone with a towing company, and an hour later their car was in a shop and they were heading to get a hotel room with the cards their parents surprisingly hadn’t shut off yet.

Even if they didn’t ever shut them off, Remus wanted an alternative way of supporting himself eventually, but seeing as it was going to be a while before he understood the outside world well enough to get a job, for now they got a hotel room with one of the credit cards and ordered pizza.  Fuck, it had been so long since Remus had eaten pizza.  It had been a special occasion food that almost never came around in the mental hospital.

Roman had just gotten regular pepperoni, but Remus was still almost shaking with excitement by the time it got there.  Roman thankfully didn’t tease him, instead just grinned at him as he set the box down and let Remus pick the first slice.

Remus took a bite and nearly moaned at the taste.  “I am never,” he said through the mouthful, “ever eating cafeteria food again.”

Roman laughed.  “I don’t think we’re gonna have the money for that, Re.”

“Never. Again.”

“Alright, whatever you say,” Roman said with a grin, taking a bite of his own pizza.

Remus ate definitely way too much for someone used to mental hospital food, and then collapsed back on the bed with a contented sigh.

“I’m never getting up again,” he sighed, letting his eyes slip shut in relaxation.

“That’s gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom,” Roman said.

“Don’t make toilet jokes if you don’t want me to take it in a grosser direction.”

“…Nevermind I take it back.”

“Mm-hmm, that’s what I thought,” Remus mumbled, just before he fell asleep.

…

Roman was the world’s worst snorer, which Remus had apparently forgotten through all those years of not sleeping in the same room as him.  He woke up multiple times throughout the night to hear Roman snoring on the other side of the room.  The first two times he threw a pillow over and managed to get him to shut up by hitting him on the head, but the third time he woke up he just laid there, staring at the ceiling, feeling some kind of weird mixture of annoyed and fond and nostalgic.  Apparently he’d missed Roman’s loud-as-fuck snoring waking him up in the middle of the night.  Screw his soulmark, if anything that was a sign of mental illness.

Remus laughed a little to himself, which ended with a sniff as tears welled in his eyes again, which he was sick of.  He didn’t want to cry anymore.  That was supposed to have been left behind in the stupid mental hospital.

He guessed he didn’t mind too much though.  The crying back there had been hopeless and achy and a usually failed attempt at making things feel less miserable.  It had felt like the worst feeling in the world.  Whereas now, even though he was crying over something as stupid as Roman’s snoring, it felt closer to cathartic.  Because this time it wasn’t going away.  And he’d get to have more experiences like that.

And that was far from the worst feeling in the world.

Chapter Text

They spent the next day getting Roman’s car back (which was still in good condition, just needed adjustments after driving so long on the road), and then exploring.

The town was pretty small, but there still seemed plenty to do.  Granted, Remus was used to far less to do, but there were still a couple bookstores, some good looking restaurants, a cinema, and, what Remus would have made them leave if they didn’t have, a rage room.

They both headed there first, and walked in to find two employees arguing behind the desk.

“No, no, shut up, shut up and listen, are you listening to me?” said the one with purple hair.  “I will put up with a lot of shit from you, but I am not going to sit here and take this!”

“Well excuse me,” the other one said, rolling his eyes.  “I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion.”

“You aren’t if your opinion is fucking stupid!”

Roman cleared his throat awkwardly.  “Um, hi?” he said.

To Remus’ eternal delight, the purple one turned to face him, held up a finger and said “Hang on,” then turned right back to the other one.

“Now listen,” he said.  “And tell me, Janus.  Have you ever run for your life?”

“Janus” said nothing.

“Well, have you?”

“You told me to listen,” Janus said.  “Do you want me to listen or do you want me to answer your questions?”

“I swear to god Janus,” the purple-haired one said, as Remus leaned forward, absolutely riveted.

“It doesn’t even matter Virgil, because we’re not talking about real life, we’re talking about fiction, and that gives me free reign to judge whoever I want.”

“Have you. Ever. Run for your life?”

Janus threw his hands up.  “No!  Obviously I haven’t, Virgil!”

“Well then how do you know you wouldn’t be exactly as stupid as a horror movie character?”

“Because I have a functioning head,” Janus groaned, looking up at the ceiling.

“Do you know how much head function goes out the window when you’re running from a man with a chainsaw?”

“Uh, hey,” Roman said, drawing both of their attention.  “Are you going to let us in?”

“Shh-shh,” Remus said, putting a finger up to Roman’s mouth.  “I want to hear this.”

Thankfully, the other two seemed to take Remus’ interest as all the permission they needed, because they went right back to arguing, and Remus walked forward to lean on the desk and watch.

“I don’t know what to tell you Virgil, you’re not going to convince me of this,” Janus said.  “I don’t care how much psychology is behind it.  It’s a story, it doesn’t have to be realistic.”

“Yes it does,” Virgil snapped, looking up at the ceiling.  “It doesn’t have to be reality, but it needs to be believable!”

“I’m sorry, what is the criticism launched at horror movies so often it’s become a joke all on it’s own?”

“Janus—”

“Isn’t it something about the characters making stupid unbelievable decisions?  No, wait, that couldn’t be it, because that would mean you’re a moron who’s making a stupid argument.”

“I’m going to strangle you,” Virgil growled.

“Look, the way I see it, we’re diametrically opposed on this anyway,” Janus said with a shrug.  “Seems like we need outside input.  You want to ask the customers here?”

“Oh please leave me out of this,” Roman said, backing up.

“I think you’re both right but for the wrong reasons,” Remus said with a delighted grin.  “Yes, human reasoning goes out the window when someone’s chasing you with a chainsaw.  But also, it’s funnier if the characters are stupid.”

Virgil turned to stare at him.  “It’s a horror movie.  It’s not meant to be funny.”

“Is it not?  I’ve never actually seen one of those.  Not by lack of trying, it was apparently just too much on my delicate mental state.  But I don’t know, the idea of people running screaming from a guy with a chainsaw like that’s not gonna make them easier to find sounds hilarious, in my opinion.  Anyway, can you let us in so we can break a bunch of shit?”

Now both of them were looking at him in confusion, but after a second, Virgil sighed.  “Fine.  I guess since no one is going to listen to reason anyway,” he said in annoyance.  “Are you both eighteen?”

“Yep,” Remus lied instantly.

“Cool.  Don’t damage the structure of the room, just the items inside it.  You can hit stuff against the walls as long as it’s not hard enough to make holes in them.  Make sure you’re wearing shoes if you break anything glass.  Janus will take you to grab your safety gear.  Are either of you intoxicated, sick, injured, or pregnant?”

“I’m pregnant,” Remus said instantly, as Roman groaned and buried his head in his hands in the background.  Remus had a similar response the last time they went to a rage room.

“Congratulations,” Virgil deadpanned, sliding two liability waivers across the table.  “That’ll be 60 bucks for each of you.”

“Great, put it on our parents’ stolen credit cards,” Remus said, fishing one out of his pocket and passing it across the counter.

Virgil stared at him for a second, seeming vaguely suspicious, which was an interesting reaction, since Remus had just said out loud the cards were stolen.  Janus, on the other hand, was smiling at him, appearing closer to intrigued.

“You got it,” he said, taking the card from Remus and running it through before passing it back to him.  “Lets go get your safety gear.”

Remus grinned at him, and he and Roman both followed Janus back into another room, where Janus gave them both eye protection, coveralls to change into, and gloves.

Remus had been to a rage room once before, but the feeling had been totally different.  He’d spent the time smashing TVs and vases in an effort to get some kind of, well, rage, out at his situation and everything he was going through.  And it had felt amazing in the moment, but then he’d gone back to the mental hospital and everything had just felt more insurmountable.

This time, however, as soon as Remus walked into the room, he started looking around in delight at everything there.  The second Janus closed the door, he ran over and smashed a hole into a TV screen.  Roman laughed in delight behind him and went to do a similar thing to a TV nearby.

Remus whacked his TV several more times, then turned to cause a good amount of damage to an empty bookshelf.  When he’d hit that enough times, he turned to several decorative vases.  When those were appropriately shattered, he moved over to a pile of cords and headphones.

And rather than anger like the last time he’d been to a place like this, the whole time he felt like he was shaking with adrenaline and mania and joy.  Roman was taking out a fair bit of items with just as much energy, and near the end of their hour-long session, they both ended up in the middle of the room, surrounded by broken and shattered objects, with grins that were way too wide.

Remus looked around for a second, then started laughing.  Roman started laughing a second later, and they both ended up on the floor, laying down in a relatively clean area and staring up at the ceiling.

“Fuck,” Remus said.

“Yeah,” Roman agreed.

“I liked that better than last time,” Remus said.

“Me too,” Roman said.  “I pretended all of the stuff I smashed was Mom and Dad or one of your orderlies.”

“Fuck,” Remus realized, turning to look at him.  “Why didn’t I think of that?  We have to come back now.”

Roman laughed.  “You think Mom and Dad will be cool with us maxing out their credit cards on rage rooms?”

“I don’t know,” Remus said, turning back to the ceiling.  “But I think I have a better idea.”

…

Virgil and Janus were surprisingly willing to hire the two of them.  Apparently they didn’t have a ton of employees right now, and two more would boost the hours they could be open, since Virgil and Janus could only work when they weren’t in class.  They were both a few years older than Roman and Remus, and trying to work their way through community college.

So now, when he and Roman weren’t apartment shopping or going on drives through the area around town or trying to figure out how the hell they were going to afford not dying, they were working at the rage room, usually with Janus and Virgil for now, since they were new and still learning some things.

Remus liked Virgil and Janus.  They didn’t ask too many questions and bought that Remus and Roman were both eighteen without asking to see an ID.  (Well, they were close, so Remus could understand why they bought it.  He and Roman both looked a little old for their age, you could blame the trauma, and they’d only have to last until June before they wouldn’t have to lie anymore at all.  But it was still nice that neither Janus or Virgil pushed too hard.)

Janus shared Remus’ tendency for chaos, and he’d introduced Remus to spray paint art.  Just on plywood that was going to get smashed in one of their rooms, so far, but Remus loved it all the same, and he sure Janus would be down to spraypaint in slightly-less-legal places one of these days.  It would be Remus’ first crime!  He was a little embarrassed it had taken him this long to commit one, but the orderlies had watched him too closely for him to get away with much back at the institute.  Janus was clearly experienced, though.  He said he knew how to spraypaint, and shoplift (which Remus and Roman should both probably learn just for survival reasons), and Remus could never be quite sure if he was joking when he said he’d gotten away with arson once.

Janus talked with Roman about theatre and acting, which was clearly less superior to his conversations with Remus, but that was okay.  Roman could keep Janus’ boring half, as long as Remus got to have fun with him.

Virgil was a little less out there overall, but he still got approval from Remus once he brought in his whole collection of horror movies for the two of them to watch in the back when they didn’t have customers.  Unsurprisingly, Remus decided he liked the super gorey fucked up ones the most, though he did ask Virgil to steer clear anything with mental hospitals or crazy people.  Virgil, thankfully, didn’t ask.  Remus liked that quality of his more every day.

In what was more of a surprise, horror-movie enthusiast Virgil also loved Disney just like Roman.  The two of them spent hours talking about it and debating it— apparently they liked it for very different reasons.  Roman liked the mushy gushy happy fairy tale aspect like a loser, and Virgil, in what Remus could almost respect, liked the darker undertones and weird messed up messages that could be found throughout the movies.  They both went back and forth on this topic often.

And unfortunately, it was during one of these debates that they ended up on a topic neither Remus or Roman liked.

“See, that’s another thing about The Lion King.  I can’t decide whether they should have added soulmates or not,” Virgil said, waving his hand dismissively as he scribbled down something on the inventory sheet.  “Like yeah, as far as we know animals don’t have soulmates, but if they’re going to be humanizing the characters to such an extent anyway, it’s at least worth thinking about.”

Remus exchanged a glance with Roman, who rubbed the back of his neck.  “I don’t know,” he said without looking at Virgil.  “Honestly, the romance wasn’t my favorite part of the movie.”

“Oh yeah, me neither obviously,” Virgil said.  “That’s hardly the only great thing about it.  It just could have made Simba and Nala’s relationship different is all I’m thinking.”

Roman didn’t reply this time, and after a second Virgil seemed to take notice and glanced back up.  He paused and stood up straighter when he noticed both of their faces.

“Wait, did I touch a nerve or something?” he asked, setting the inventory sheet down.

“Don’t worry about it,” Roman said, but he turned away, and Remus looked down at his hands and started to fidget.

“Oh shit, I really did,” Virgil said.  “I’m sorry.  I got it, soulmates are off limits.”

“It’s not that, it’s just…” Roman said hesitantly, but he trailed off.  Remus glanced up at him, and he glanced back again.

“Dude, you don’t need to explain,” Virgil said.  “It’s okay.  If you don’t want to talk about it, we won’t talk about it.  Anyway, obviously Be Prepared is Disney’s best villain song, but do you have a preference in regards to the second best?  I’m torn between Poor Unfortunate Souls and The Mob Song from Beauty and The Beast.”

Remus glanced over at Virgil, surprised to find him moving on so comfortably.  He really didn’t seem bothered in the slightest.  Granted, Remus didn’t have much of a perspective on how important soulmates were in general society, but it was all anyone ever seemed to talk to him about growing up.  He wasn’t expecting Virgil to be so comfortable writing it off as a subject entirely.

“Uh,” Roman said, seeming just as caught off guard as Remus was.  “I think I prefer The Mob Song.  It’s a good cautionary tale about thinking critically.  Sorry, I need to back up for a second.  You’re just okay with not talking about soulmates?  At all?”

Virgil looked back over at him.  “Yeah.  Is that bad?  You didn’t seem to want me to.”

“But…” Roman glanced over at Remus again.  Remus shrugged.

“It’s just not usually something we get to wiggle our way out of,” Remus said, turning back to Virgil.  “It’s, you know, soulmates.  We always have to deal with it.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow.  “Always?   What soulmate obsessed nuthouse did you grow up in?”

Remus flinched hard, taking a couple steps back, and Roman stepped closer to him.

“None of your business,” Roman snapped at Virgil, who was now looking thoroughly confused and a little offended.

“Dude, you’re the ones who keep bringing it up now,” Virgil said, holding up his hands.  “I was totally cool dropping it and moving on.”

“I’m taking my break,” Remus said, turning around and running off before either of them could say anything else.

Instead of the break room, however, he headed straight for the employee bathroom and locked  himself inside.  Thankfully, it was a single person bathroom, meaning Remus was free to slide down to the floor and slam his head back against the door and slow his breathing without anyone watching him.

Virgil was going to figure it out now, and then he was going to call Remus’ nuthouse and get him shipped back there and Remus couldn’t take going back there.  He’d rather die, and that was not hyperbole.

A knock came at the door.  “Remus?” Roman called.  “Remus, it’s okay.  It’s just me.  Virgil’s not here.”

Remus reached up and turned the handle just enough so the door would unlock, then scooted forward so Roman could open the door and buried his head in his knees.

“Hey,” Roman said, locking the door behind him and moving around to kneel in front of Remus.

“This is the stupidest fucking freak out of all time,” Remus said into his pants.  “He literally fucking said we didn’t have to talk about it and then we didn’t shut up about it.”

“It’s… new,” Roman said hesitantly, putting a hand on Remus’ arm.  “It’s okay.  We’re figuring this out together, remember?”

Remus mumbled some kind of weak affirmation, because Roman was right but also he wasn’t doing so hot.

Roman squeezed his arm gently.  “Re?  Can I help you somehow?”

Remus pulled his head up.  “Can you tell me I’m okay?”

Roman’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Can you say it anyway?” Remus said, answering his unasked question with another question.  “Even though I’m kind of not?”

Roman nodded, and pulled Remus forward into a hug.  “You’re okay, Remus,” he said.  “It’s okay.  You’re okay.”

Remus took a deep breath in and wrapped his arms around Roman.  And for a while, they sat there breathing.

…

They explained some of it to Virgil, afterwards.  Or, well, they explained it but they didn’t.  They told him that the two of them were platonic soulmates, and most people where they’d come from had been super not okay with that, and they were used to some kind of angry or condescending reaction when they explained.

Virgil said, again, that he got it, and they didn’t have to talk about it, which he’d apparently meant the first time.  He also offered to tell Janus so they didn’t have to have a repeat of the conversation, which they took him up on.

So after that, they had a job in a cool place with cool people, who were really actually okay with not talking about soulmates.  And Remus was pretty sure it was still going to take him a while to get used to that, but that was okay.  They weren’t in a rush.

Chapter Text

Logan was a frequent customer, and Remus grew to like him over time.  He was apparently a rich boy starting his first year at college, and had just moved here from across the country, paid for entirely by his parents.  He also clearly had a lot of anger issues, to the point that Janus had apparently tried to talk to him a couple times about how rage rooms weren’t a good replacement for therapy.

That’s where Remus had to disagree with him, however.  Personally he thought breaking stuff in anger was a very cool and sexy replacement for therapy.  It’s not like actual mental health professionals were ever any good at their jobs or had the slightest clue what the hell they were doing.  Logan was just smart enough to not fall for their bullshit.

When Remus said all of this to Roman, however, Roman just got quiet, so Remus didn’t bring it up again.  Who knows what the hell his deal was.

The point actually being, Logan was smart and sexy and since Remus already had a soulmate now he wanted to kiss Logan’s face off.

The first person to actually warn him against this, however, was surprisingly not “worry about everything” Virgil, but instead “fuck society” Janus, which confused the heck out of him.

“Didn’t take you as the normie type when it comes to romance,” Remus said, hesitantly, because his limits on this topic had gotten slightly better but he was still going to pay militant attention to his comfort levels.

“I’m not,” Janus said, giving him a look.  “You know I’m not.  Logan is, Remus.”

“Oh,” Remus said, scrunching up his nose.  “Really?  Thought he was smarter than that.”

“I thought so too,” Janus said, holding up his hands.  “Granted, I don’t think he wants to meet them so they can ride off into the sunset.  But he has talked about being excited to meet his soulmate before.”

Remus blew a raspberry.  “Boooo.”

“I hear you,” Janus said, patting him on the shoulder.

Remus, glad for the change from the topic of his eternally doomed love life, turned to Janus with a grin.  “Oh do you now?  You’re telling me you and Virgil have haven’t already hid out in the break room and—”

Janus, as a testament to how little he knew Remus, shoved his hand over his mouth to stop him.  A second later he jerked back in disgust and Remus grinned at him, still sticking his tongue out of his mouth.

Janus grabbed a kleenex and wiped his hand off, then dropped it in the trash can with a sigh.  “Virgil wants to meet his soulmate,” he said, squeezing some hand sanitizer on his hands and rubbing it in.

Remus gave Janus a baffled look.  “Virgil wants to meet his soulmate?  The person who is totally chill never even mentioning the subject to me and Roman?  He wants to meet his soulmate?”

Janus sighed and rested his chin on his hand.  “He’s anxious about it,” Janus said.  “I don’t think he knows what he wants.”

Remus snorts.  “Now that I believe,” he said.  “Maybe you should kiss him about it.”

Janus gave him a look and Remus cackled.

“Fine,” he said a second later with an overdramatic sigh as the bell over the door jingled.  “I shall be doomed to pine from a distance.  Never pursuing, only dreaming.  Never saying a word.”

“Never saying a word about what?” came Logan’s sudden voice, and Remus glanced up to see him approaching the counter.

“How badly I want to kiss you,” Remus said plainly, leaning on the counter and grinning up at Logan.  “You wanna meet up here outside of work hours sometime and break shit together?  Or we could go rollerskating.  Or dinner and a movie, if you want to be boring about it.”

Janus sighed and shook his head, muttering something about “why do I even bother” which Remus had no way to answer for him, it was really a bad move on his part.

“I appreciate the offer, Remus, but I am waiting for my soulmate,” Logan said, pulling out his credit card.

“Boring,” Remus said, but shoved the liability waiver that he was now allowed to handle since turning eighteen across the counter (not that he hadn’t handled them before, but now no one could yell at him even if they found out).

Janus turned back to Logan as he signed the papers and leaned across the counter, as apparently it was his turn.

“It seems like it’s time for me to remind you that this is the third time you’ve come here in two weeks,” Janus said.  “And you should really consider talking to someone, Logan.  This isn’t a replacement for professional help if you need it.”

“Aw, don’t listen to him, Logan, keep fighting the man,” Remus said, waving his hand dismissively and ignoring Janus’ glare at him.  “Why pay for some idiot to tell you that you had a hard childhood when instead you can slam a bat through a TV?  One of those sounds redundant, and the other sounds way more fun.”

“Remus,” Janus snapped, crossing his arms.

“Yes, I’ll be sure to take all of that into account,” Logan said with a sigh.  “May we get going now?”

“Sure thing!” Remus said before Janus could say anything, and he grabbed Logan by the arm to lead him towards the back, chatting happily and casually about stuff that was going on as they walked.

“And Roman is trying out for a play!” Remus said happily as Logan looked among the bats for his favorite.  “An actual paying one this time!  I think he’s got a shot, seeing as he’s obviously the greatest actor to have ever lived.”

“Yes, that sounds lovely, Remus,” Logan said.  “If that’s all, I’ll be heading in now.”

“Hell yeah, you break that shit, Logan!” Remus called.  “Have fun, see you in an hour!”

Remus headed back to the front desk, whistling as he walked, only to find Janus waiting, not looking happy.

“What?” Remus asked, sliding up in his spot next to him and hopping up to sit on the counter.

“Remus,” Janus said.  “It really isn’t a good idea for someone to use this as an alternative to therapy.  I would appreciate you not talking over me next time.”

“What, Logan’s fine,” Remus said, rolling his eyes as he leaned back.

“He comes here too often to be fine,” Remus,” Janus said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“So what?  It’s not your job to help him.”

“No, but I am concerned for him as someone I know and care about,” Janus said.  “I’m surprised you’re not too.”

Remus glared at Janus through narrowed eyes.  “A therapist isn’t going to help, idiot,” he snapped, and Janus’ eyes widened slightly in surprise.  “They never help.  They never listen to you.”

Janus didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked back at Remus like he was trying to understand him, which was a fruitless effort.

“Obviously,” Janus said finally.  “Not every experience is perfect, but—”

Remus snorted and hopped off the counter.  “Whatever, you don’t know anything,” he grumbled.  “I’m taking my break now.”

“Hang on a second Remus,” Janus said, but Remus just kept walking.

Remus knew Janus, though.  He was stubborn, and he wasn’t going to leave it there.  Because for how much Remus admired Janus and his general attitudes towards things, he was apparently a bootlicker in the worst area possible.  He tired to bring it up to Remus more than once across the next couple weeks, but unfortunately for Janus, Remus was just as goddamn stubborn, and he wasn’t going to let Janus win.

But unfortunately for Remus, it seemed, Janus used way more underhanded methods than Remus expected him to, which in this case meant he brought it up to Remus’ brother.

He walked in on them after his break having a close and apparently rather tense conversation.

“I’m telling you, don’t push it,” Roman was saying.  “Obviously eventually he’s gonna have to— look, he just needs time, okay?”

“Who needs time?” Remus asked curiously.

Both Janus and Roman cried out in surprise and spun around, looking like deer caught in headlights.

“…okay,” Remus said.  “So clearly you were talking about me.  What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Roman said, in a fast and firm and conversation-ending way, with a glare at Janus.

“Oh fuck no,” Remus said.  “You are not gonna talk about me in an obviously negative way behind my back and then not tell me what you were saying.  Out with it.”

“We weren’t talking about you,” Roman said, holding his hands up.  “Or— or not at first.”

“Oh, much better,” Remus said, rolling his eyes.  “What were you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Roman said.

Janus gave Roman a look, and Roman glared at him right back.

“Roman,” Remus snapped, and Roman winced.

“Remus, seriously, please drop it, okay?” Roman said.

“Fuck no.”

“I don’t want to make you upset,” Roman said, looking almost pleadingly back at him.

“Right, right, the fragile delicate flower that I am who gets upset at the slightest of things,” Remus snapped, crossing his arms.

Janus laughed a little, clearly thinking Remus was making a joke, but Remus just glared him into surprised silence.

“You know that’s not what I mean, Remus,” Roman said, and Janus glanced curiously over at him.

“Then what?  What were you talking about and why was it not about me and also about me?  Out with it, asshole.”

Roman sighed, tensed up like he knew this was going to go bad, and said, “I was asking Janus if he knows a good therapist nearby.”

Remus’ heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.  “What?  No.”

“See this is why I didn’t say anything!” Roman exclaimed, burying his head in his hands before pulling up to look at him again.  “Remus—”

“No.   That’s not— why?   What on earth could possibly make that a good idea?”

“Remus,” Janus started.

“No,” Roman snapped, turning to him.  “You, shut up.  You,” he turned back to Remus and softened.  He moved forward and took Remus by the arm, pulling them away from Janus and into the break room.  Then he turned to face Remus again.

“Just listen,” Roman said gently.

“No,” Remus said, shaking his head.  He moved forward and took Roman’s hands, trying to squeeze his desperation across.  “No, Roman.  I’m not gonna let them do that to you.”

“No one’s going to do anything to me,” Roman said quietly, squeezing Remus’ hands back.  “I’d be going voluntarily.  I could stop whenever I wanted.”

“You don’t know that,” Remus said, shaking his head.  “You don’t know that, what if they make something up, what if they try and trap you, I can’t see you go through what happened to me, Roman, please.”

“Re,” Roman said, reaching out and pulling Remus into a hug.  “I’ve wanted to talk to someone since middle school.  You know that.”

Remus shook his head against Roman’s shoulder.  “No, but you grew out of that I thought,” he said.  “You grew out of it when you realized what it was actually like, didn’t you?  You realized it was all bullshit.”

Roman pulled back and took Remus gently by the shoulders.  “I don’t think it is, Re,” he said quietly.  “I’ve been doing research for a long time, you know.  What happened with you, that’s— that’s not how it’s supposed to work.”

“It doesn’t matter how it’s supposed to work, it happened,” Remus insisted, grabbing Roman’s hands.  “I’m not going to let that happen to you, Roman.  I’m not.   You’re my brother.”

“I’m not in danger, Remus,” Roman said gently.  “You don’t need to protect me from this.  I want to do it.”

“Why?  You’re fine.”

Roman flinched.  “Please don’t say that,” he whispered, pulling back.

“What are you talking about?” Remus asked, reaching out for Roman again, but stopping when Roman pulled away.  “Why— why not?”

Roman looked up at him, looking scared and angry— though Remus didn’t think it was directed at him.

“That’s what Mom and Dad said to me every time I asked them for help,” Roman said.  “Because they couldn’t wrap their tiny fucking brains around the idea that my life wasn’t perfect.  Because I had such a perfect soulmark.  I was just supposed to be fine, all the time, and they wouldn’t believe me if I told them that—” he stopped suddenly, and looked away.

Remus dropped his hand back to his side, trying to push past the overwhelming fear welling up in his chest and focus on what Roman was saying.

He… he’d known Roman wasn’t okay, really.  Roman had told him before that he felt worthless and small and like no one would ever want him other than Remus, that he’d never be enough no matter how hard he tried.  And Remus had tried to help him with that.  But Roman was saying he wasn’t enough.  So what, Roman was saying he’d failed at the one thing he’d actually been able to try to do, locked up in that fucking place because no would believed him when he said he was—

Remus looked up at Roman.  “Fuck,” he whispered.  “Fuck, I’m sorry, I—”

He took a shaky breath, wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed.   “Okay,” he whispered.  “Okay, I— I believe you, Roman.  I— I’m sorry.  You shouldn’t ever have to hear that crap from me.”

Roman looked up at him, and Remus met his gaze.

“I’m still scared,” Remus whispered.

“That’s okay,” Roman said, nodding lightly.

“I still don’t think this is gonna help,” Remus said, shaking his head.  “I— I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Maybe,” Roman said slowly, hesitantly.  “You can come with me?  Not for the therapy, you could— I don’t know.  Interrogate them?  Sit in for the first time?”

Remus considered that for a long moment.  Finally, he nodded.  “Okay,” he said.

Something like relief fell over Roman’s face, and Remus’ chest cracked just a little bit, because he knew that look, and Roman should never have to feel scared that Remus wouldn’t hear him.  He reached out and pulled Roman into another hug again, and this time Roman hugged tightly back, breathing out a shaky sigh.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said into his shoulder.  “You— I’m sorry.”

“S’okay,” Roman mumbled.  “It’s not your fault.”

“No, but I should be helping,” Remus said.  “You always helped me.”

“It’s okay,” Roman said.  “S’just… all bullshit.”

Remus laughed a little.  “Yeah,” he agreed, holding Roman closer.

They both stayed there for a long moment, not saying anything.

“Roman, if you ever need me to believe you about something, just tell me,” Remus said.  “Tell me and I will, I promise.”

“What, you’re just gonna decide to?”

“Fuck yes I am.  You tell me your shit, and I’ll believe you.  It’s your shit.”

Roman laughed a little.  “Okay,” he said, and they were both quiet for a minute.

“You think I’m gonna need to talk to someone,” Remus said dully, and Roman tensed again.  “That’s what you were talking about with Janus, right?  That’s how it got around to me.”

“I think… it wouldn’t be the worst idea,” Roman said hesitantly.  “But only once you’re ready.”

“I can’t do that,” Remus said, shaking his head.  “I’m never going back there.”

“It doesn’t have to be the same,” Roman said softly.  “You wouldn’t have to be an in-patient at all.”

“No, Roman, you don’t understand,” Remus said.  “I can’t just let them win.”

Roman pulled back and gave him a sad look.  “That’s not what it is, Remus,” he said.  “That’s not what it would be.”

“Yes it is.  They weren’t right to not believe me and they weren’t right to throw me in there and they weren’t right to judge my entire life based on this stupid sentence,” he waved his wrist wildly around in front of Roman.  “I can’t let them be right.”

Roman shook his head, looking firm and determined.  “They will never be right, Remus.  Those can be two different things.”

Remus crossed his arms and looked away.  “What makes you so sure?”

“Because they did it to you,” Roman said.  “It’s their fault.  That makes them not right.”

“It’s that simple, huh?” Remus asked, looking up.

“Probably not,” Roman admitted.  “But so what?  Fuck them.”

Remus smiled just a little.  “I don’t think that would really help matters.”

“Gross,” Roman groaned, in the tone of voice that meant he’d known it was coming as soon as he said it.  Remus cackled.

“Come on,” he said, nudging Roman’s side with his arm as he started towards the door.  “We’ve got a shift to finish.  And I’ve got a Janus to yell at.”

Chapter Text

Janus, at least, was appropriately guilty for what had happened.  Remus was terrible at holding grudges against him, so he let it go pretty quickly.  Remus was pretty sure he’d also put some pieces together by now, but he didn’t ask, and Remus didn’t feel particularly like telling him.  Janus seemed to realize he’d overstepped, so he let it go.

He did find Roman a therapist, though.  Dr. Emile Picani, who Janus seemed to think would be a pretty good fit.  Remus did some general research, and upon finding all of the cartoon and Disney references, was begrudgingly forced to admit he was right.  Of course, he could always be trying to lull Roman into a false sense of security, so Remus would still be going with him, but that was going to be happening no matter what.

Logan eventually decided to take Janus’ advice too, meaning everyone was just falling to the Man, Remus included apparently.  He was trying to let it go.  Roman said he wanted this.  And Roman got to pick.

But fuck was it hard.  Remus got more anxious as the day they’d settled on got closer, and he was sure Roman could tell.  Enough to the point that when the day actually arrived, Roman told him that he was going to let Remus ask all of his questions first.

“What?  That’s not fair,” Remus said, leaning across the table in their tiny-ass apartment kitchen to look at Roman.  “It’s supposed to be your appointment.”

“I don’t really care about what’s fair,” Roman said.  “I want you to feel comfortable with this too.  You can go first if it’ll help you.”  He smiled a little teasingly.  “Besides, how will I ever know he’s worthy of talking to me otherwise?”

“Oh shut up,” Remus said, rolling his eyes.  “But… alright.”

So they got there a little early, Roman explained to the receptionist that Remus would be joining him just for this first session, and then they both sat down to wait.

Remus knew that Roman had explained to the Emile guy ahead of time that he’d be asking him questions, and he got why Roman had done that, but it still made him a little uneasy.  If Emile knew that Remus was going to be questioning his profession specifically, he’d have time to come up with the best answers to manipulate Remus into feeling comfortable.

It was around the time he had that thought, however, that Remus realized he sounded more paranoid than Virgil, and maybe he should give it a bit of a rest.

Sitting in this waiting room certainly wasn’t helping, though.  Remus was tense next to Roman, bouncing his leg to try and get some of his nerves out.  Roman, eventually, grabbed Remus’ hand and squeezed it, and Remus squeezed back tightly enough to break his fingers.

This was a terrible plan.  They were going to find out this doctor was useless at his job, or incredibly manipulative, or just did not understand their situation at all.  He’d think platonic soulmates were bullshit, or he’s think choosing your soulmate was bullshit, or he’d think every professional in his field was right all the time no exceptions, find out where Remus had escaped from, and send him right back.  He’d—

A door opened off to the left and a smiling man stepped out.  “Hi there!” he said with a smile that was definitely fake it was so fake definitely.  “You must be Roman and Remus.”

“I’m Roman,” Roman said with a nervous smile, and a nod towards Remus.  “He’s Remus.”

“It’s lovely to meet you,” Emile said with another fake smile.  “You can call me Emile or Dr. Emile or Dr. Picani, whichever makes you most comfortable.”

“Thanks,” Roman said.  Remus didn’t say anything, just crossed his arms and glared.

“Feel free to come on in,” Emile said with a gesture back to his office.

Remus turned to look at Roman, who gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand, before leading them both inside after Emile.

“So, I understand you said we’ll be doing things a little differently for our first session,” Emile said, sitting down behind his desk covered with Steven Universe and Avatar the Last Airbender and Owl House merchandise.

“Yeah I’ve got questions,” Remus snapped before Roman could say anything.  Roman sat down on one of the nearby chairs and sat back to let Remus talk.

Emile, on the other hand, turned to Remus with a nod.  “So I’ve heard,” he said.  “Feel free to ask me anything you’d like.”

“Anything I’d like?” Remus asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Well, within reason,” Emile said with a smile.  “I’m not going to answer probing questions about my personal life.”

“Well that’s tough, cause my first question is why the hell are you doing this,” Remus said, crossing his arms.

“Oh,” Emile said, sounding delighted.  “Well that’s different, I have no problem answering that one.  I want to help people.  I find it fulfilling and satisfying, and it’s something I’m good at.”

“You know this doesn’t actually help people, right?” Remus snapped, narrowing his eyes.

“Well I think I can take a little bit of offense to that,” Emile said, though he didn’t look that offended.  “Plenty of people have told me personally that I’ve helped them.”

“And how can I trust that when you’re saying it?  I don’t know any of them.”

Emile gave a sympathetic shrug.  “Sorry, but I’m not allowed to share other patient’s information with you.  You’re just going to have to take my word on that one.”

“And why should I do that?  You’d never do the same for me.”

Emile tipped his head, looking slightly confused.  “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you mean.”

Remus looked back at Roman, who didn’t say anything, just looked at him.  Roman was probably going to talk about what had happened to him at some point.  It was intertwined with so much of why he wanted to talk to a therapist in the first place.  Remus had no idea if the patient confidentiality bullshit would protect him from getting sent back in this case, but Remus trusted Roman to not say enough to give them away completely.  He could be fine with that.

Didn’t mean he wanted to talk about it.

So, instead, he turned back to face Emile.

“What do you plan to do with Roman?” he asked.

Emile raised an eyebrow, but his tone was even when he replied.  “Listen to him, talk through whatever he’d like to talk about, and hopefully help him feel a little better about the issues he’s already shared with me.”

“And what if he decides he doesn’t want to come anymore?  Are you going to try some bullshit to get him to stay?”

Emile’s eyes widened in surprise.  “Goodness no,” he said.  “I’d talk with him about why he decided that and we’d decide the best way to go forward together.”

Remus narrowed his eyes in suspicion.  “And what if he says something that doesn’t make sense to you?  Are you going to try and talk him out of it?”

“Remus,” Emile said.  He leaned forward and folded his hands together where Remus could see them.  “That is not why I’m here.  I don’t get to tell Roman how he feels, or how he should feel, or whether or not what he’s feeling makes sense.  Feelings don’t even have to make sense.  My job is to help Roman find ways to deal with problems that Roman decides he wants to deal with.  I will never tell Roman what he should do, and I will certainly never tell him he’s wrong for feeling something.”

“Or not feeling something?” Remus asked.

“Or not feeling something,” Emile agreed with a nod.

Remus considered this for a moment, arms crossed.  “How do you feel about platonic soulmates?” he asked after a second.

“I don’t think my personal opinions on the matter are relevant,” Emile said.  “I don’t think they’re wrong or nonexistent, if that’s what you mean.”

“Do you think people can pick their own soulmates?” Remus asked without acknowledging that answer at all.

“I think that’s very possible,” Emile said with a nod and a small smile.  “Every soulmate relationship is different, and as humans, we tend to be stubborn enough to go after what we want even if everyone else tells us we’re wrong.”

Remus considered this for another long moment, and then took a step back and sat on the other free chair.  He gave a nod to Roman, though he made it clear to Emile he wasn’t happy about it.

Roman gave him a small smile and then turned to face Emile.

“Hi,” he said.  “We’ve kind of had… bad experiences with… therapists.”

“I ventured a guess,” Emile said.  “I’d like to reassure you both that you get to set all the boundaries in regards to what parts of you we talk about.  And everything we say in here is completely confidential, with the exception of if you mention planning to hurt yourself or someone else.  And for today, we’re mostly going to be doing some intake stuff that I do with all of my patients.”

Roman nodded.  “Okay.”

Emile gave a smile and reached to pick up some paperwork that was laying on his desk.  Remus didn’t stop glaring at him as he did it, but Emile just gave him a small reassuring smile before turning back to Roman.

They spent the rest of the session going through the list, which was some general questions about mental health and why Roman was seeking out therapy, along with some logistical stuff like insurance and payment (they were putting it on the credit cards their parents still hadn’t shut off for some reason).  Remus didn’t find any of it explicitly objectionable, but that wasn’t saying much.  It was still the first session after all, they hadn’t really gotten started yet.

Roman still seemed very happy when they left, though, for some reason.

“So you… felt good about that?” Remus asked on the way down to the car.

“Really good,” Roman said, giving him a bright smile.  “It felt like he was actually listening to me, which is a real first when it comes to this stuff.  And he didn’t seem at all like he was going to do anything like what happened to you.”

“That’s just how they get you,” Remus muttered, kicking at the rocks at his feet.

“I’ll tell you if anything ever happens that makes me uncomfortable,” Roman said, nudging him in the side.  “Promise, okay?”

“Okay,” Remus said, and he tried to mean it.  He didn’t think he was going to be comfortable with this for a while no matter how many green flags Emile showed.  But if Roman was comfortable with it, then… then that was what mattered, in the end.  And as long as he really did tell Remus if anything happened, he could be alright with it for now.

“You’re not going to explicitly say what happened to me, right?” Remus asked after a second, glancing at Roman as they climbed into the car.  “I’m pretty sure escaped patient stuff falls under that stuff he has to report.”

“I mean, he didn’t say that directly, but no, I’m also not going to say anything explicitly,” Roman agreed with a nod.  “I’m gonna stick to you had a really bad experience with a therapist, but as far as Emile gets to know, you went voluntarily and left voluntarily.”

Remus considered this for a second, then nodded.

Roman reached out to start the car, but before he could manage, Remus collapsed back in the seat and pressed his hands over his face, starting to shake.

“Remus,” Roman murmured, and Remus heard the keys drop in the middle console a second before Roman’s arms wrapped around him.

“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered.  “This is supposed to be about you.  ‘s not fair.”

“Oh would you shut up already?  I told you, I don’t care about fair.”

“How are you so much better at this than me?” Remus muttered, leaning heavily against Roman.

“I’m just special.”

Remus pulled back a little with a laugh, and found Roman smiling at him.

“Thanks for letting me go with you,” Remus said after a second, leaning back in his own seat so Roman could start the car.

“You’re welcome,” Roman said with another small smile, and then he turned the car to drive them both back towards their apartment.

Chapter Text

Remus wasn’t going to go to therapy for a long time still, if ever, but the next couple months showed him a positive effect it had on Roman.  He got more confident, and more self assured, and happier.  It wasn’t like all of his problems were instantly solved, and he still sometimes talked to Remus about things too, but he didn’t have any new problems, which was Remus’ admittedly incredibly low bar for now.

The real person that therapy seemed to help, as if trying to stick the knife into Remus and twist it further, was Logan.

Logan didn’t stop showing up at the rage room right away, but he seemed less standoffish and angry when he did, and slowly his visits did start to dwindle.  Remus was trying not to be upset about it.

“Is it weird to be upset that the only reason a person was present in your life is because they weren’t doing good?” Remus asked Janus one day.  He was trying to get better at this whole ‘talking to Janus about mental health’ thing, though he still hadn’t broached the subject of soulmates yet.  That would lead to… everything, and Remus was not ready to talk about everything.

“Of course not,” Janus said, rolling his eyes.  “You liked him, Remus.  As a person and in a crush sense.  It’s normal to be upset now that you’re not seeing him anymore.  But, and hear me out here, have you considered going to talk to him?”

“I’ll do it after you ask Virgil out,” Remus said, leaning forward onto the counter.

There was a second pause, and then Janus leaned forward too with a sigh.  “Touché.”

A couple seconds passed as both of them considered their doomed romantic prospects.

“But you know, for the record,” Janus said finally.  “I think you’ve got more of a chance than I do.”

Remus snorted.  “Please, Logan barely acknowledged my presence when he came here.  It’s fine, I’ll get over it eventually.”

“He asks about you when you’re not here,” Janus said, and Remus did a double take, turning to face him.

“He what?”

Janus shrugged.  “Or he did, anyway, before he mostly stopped coming.  To me it seemed like he enjoyed seeing you, or at least he didn’t dislike it.  I don’t know, with Logan that can mean a lot.”

Remus leaned forward onto the front desk, thinking about that.  “Huh.”

“Hey, don’t spend the rest of the shift thinking about that,” Janus said, whacking him lightly on the head.  “I need your help to clean up.”

Remus blew a raspberry at him, but climbed up, following Janus to grab the brooms to start cleaning up the last room.

He did manage to get it out of his mind, at least while they were cleaning, but Remus kind of hated ignoring problems and hoping they’d go away, so when he got back to the apartment that night, he took it up with Roman.

“Do you think I should leave it alone, I guess?” he asked.

“You suck at that,” Roman said, glancing over his shoulder from the mac and cheese he was stirring around in a pot on the stove.

“Yeah, but…” Remus sighed and flopped back in the chair at the kitchen table that faced the stove.  “I don’t know, I never saw any of the shit Janus talked about seeing, with him asking about me when I wasn’t there.  And I don’t know, maybe I’m like, too fucked up for a partner.”

“Uh, excuse me?” Roman turned around, giving him a look.  “Say that again, I’ll fight you.”

“Well, I mean my soulmate was a total bust until you decided to fix it for me,” Remus said, gesturing between them both.  “And I know Logan’s waiting for his.”

“So you might not be his partner, that does not make you ‘too fucked up’ for a partner.  You’re my goddamn brother, Remus, and you deserve everything you want out of life.  I’m not letting any of those assholes take anything else away from you.  Fuck that.”

Remus leaned on his elbow.  “Fine,” he said, his voice coming out a little stale.  “I’m too fucked up for a partner right now, then.”

“Remus—”

“No I mean it, Roman,” he said, looking up at him.  “I still freak way too often when someone other than you even mentions soulmates.  I still can’t go to therapy.  I’m barely okay with you going.  I don’t… I don’t want to fuck someone else up.  I don’t want a partner yet.  I’m not ready.”

Roman looked at him for a minute.  “…oh,” he said quietly.  “That’s… when did you decide that?”

Remus leaned both of his elbows on the table.  “Not long after the time you guys forcibly made me realize that everything I’ve gone through fucked me up enough that I’m gonna need help.”

Roman was quiet for a minute.  “I’m sorry, Remus,” he said eventually.

“Me too,” Remus muttered without looking up.

“If you don’t want a partner though,” Roman said, stepping closer.  “Maybe you could try being friends with Logan?”

“I’m supposed to be more okay with fucking up a friend than I am with fucking up a romantic partner?”

“Well you can’t isolate yourself until you’re better,” Roman said, crossing his arms.  “It’s a different level of commitment we’re talking about.”

“So different levels of fucked up, then.”

“Remus.”

“What, I’ve already fucked you up enough,” Remus muttered, shutting his eyes.

“Oh shut up ,” Roman said. “I chose to be here, you idiot.  And I wouldn’t make a different choice.  You’re my brother and I love you, and you did not fuck me up.  What about Janus and Virgil?  Do they seem fucked up to you?”

Remus sighed, opening his eyes.  “No more so than when we met them,” he admitted.

“Well then stop talking stupid stuff and ask Logan out.”

“I thought you said—”

“Now I’m saying ask him out.  If you don’t want to do a lot of commitment, that's fine.  You can just go on dates and have fun together.  Or you can be upfront with him about where you’re at.  He’s going to therapy too now, isn’t he?  I’m sure he gets it.”

Remus didn’t say anything, and after a second Roman turned off the mac and cheese and walked over and sat down.  “Let Logan make his own decisions,” Roman said.  “He’s a big boy.  If you’re honest and upfront about what he’d be getting into, I think he’s smart enough to make that decision for himself.”

Remus looked up at Roman, narrowing his eyes slightly.  “I’ve decided I don’t like what therapy’s doing to you.”

Roman snorted.  “Tough,” he said, ruffling Remus’ hair and walking back over to the stove to start the mac and cheese again.

“I think I’ll stick with friendship for now,” Remus said.  “Logan already said he was waiting for his soulmate, I don’t want to be an asshole who couldn’t take a hint, even if I still thinking waiting for your soulmate is fucking stupid.  But… you might be right.”

“I always am,” Roman said, giving Remus one last cheeky grin over his shoulder.  “I thought we already established this.”

“I think I’ll come over there and dump that mac and cheese on your head.”

…

Logan showed up at the end of the workday.  The four of them were all working that day, and they’d just sent off their last customer and had finished cleaning up, meaning they were finishing up near the front desk when Logan walked in.

Remus, for all his nerves around talking to Logan again, still perked up immediately, and ran forward from his spot leaning against the wall to push himself in front of Virgil.

“Logie!” he called happily.  “My favorite nerd!  How’s it going, I haven’t seen you in ages!   Oooh, is that a new tie?”

Logan glanced down at the tie, the corners of his lips turning up slightly.  “It is, yes.  Thank you for noticing, Remus.”

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Janus said, raising an eyebrow.  “I hope that means you’re doing better?”

“Please refrain from rubbing it in my face,” Logan said.

“Oh, but Logan, I’m so good at it,” Janus crowed, leaning over the counter.

Logan sighed, looking like he’d expected that.  “I actually wanted to come in order to invite you all to a social outing sometime,” he said.

“A social outing?” Virgil asked as he moved forward to the desk, raising an eyebrow.

“Ah, that failure to speak normally is what made me fall for you in the first place Logan,” Remus sighed, pressing a hand to his cheek and staring up at him dreamily.

Logan gave him a deadpan look, and Remus was going to be polite and ignore the slight blush on his cheeks (but just this once).

A second later he turned to Virgil.  “I believe I would like to get to know you all in a different, more healthy setting.”  He cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly.  “If that is alright with you.”

“Of course!” Roman said brightly, stepping forward to join the rest of them at the desk.  “That sounds delightful, Pocket Protector!”

Logan blinked, seeming surprised.  “Oh,” he said.  “Um, well then.  I… did not expect a yes.”

Remus tipped his head curiously.  “Why not?”

“I have been told I’m not exactly… enjoyable, to be around.  And I have not exactly been charitable to you all.”

“Logan, you were polite and made conversation and never demanded to speak to the manager,” Virgil deadpanned.  “Honestly, we weren’t expecting much better.”

Logan seemed to absorb that for a second.  “That sounds concerning.  How do people normally treat service workers?”

Janus snorted.  “You’ve never worked a day in your life, have you?”

“Well, no, but that does not answer my question.”

“Here, give me your phone and I’ll put our numbers in,” Virgil said, ignoring Logan’s question and holding his hand out.  Logan passed his phone over and Virgil looked down as he started doing that.

“Oh hey Virgil,” Remus said, leaning over.  “Put me in there as—”

“Absolutely not.”

“I didn’t even say anything yet!”

“There was no chance it was going to be good.”

Remus blew a raspberry at him.

Virgil, after a minute, finished putting everyone’s numbers in and handed it back to Logan.  “I made you a group chat and texted Hi as you.  We can work out some times to meet when we get off work.”

Logan looked down at the phone.  “You did not add any punctuation.”

“Oh god, I’m never going to be able to read your tone am I?”

“Sounds good,” Roman said, elbowing Virgil in the side.  “We’ll see you around, Logan.”

Logan nodded, gave them all one more small smile, and headed back out.

“He’s adorable,” Remus said, staring after him as he walked out the door.

Roman smacked him on the back of his head without looking up from his phone and the new group chat.  “Stop staring at his ass.”

“You can’t tell me what to do!”

Chapter Text

Remus was almost scared to admit it sometimes, but things were good.  He’d never expected to have the freedom to work with people he loved, doing something he at least didn’t hate, and not have to worry about stupid soulmates or stupid orderlies or stupid people never believing him.

Roman seemed to be doing much better with the therapist, though Remus was loath to admit it.  But he was happy, and that made Remus happy too.  Logan was still amazing fun to hang out with, and Remus was definitely not imagining the blushes that were starting to be sent his way.  He was going to have to bring them up sooner rather than later.  Especially considering Virgil finally got his head out of his ass, realized how stupid waiting for your soulmate was, and decided to kiss Janus about it.  The two of them weren’t any less argumentative, but now quite a few of those arguments ended with the break room being mysteriously locked.  It annoyed Roman to death, but Remus thought it was hilarious.

Overall, though, life was starting to look up in a very real way, and even if there were still problems, Remus was starting to feel like it was something he might be able to handle.

He should have known it wouldn’t last.

It was a quiet Saturday, which was unusual, but it being unusual meant all four of them were scheduled to work, so they were lazing around at the front desk and tossing life stories and quips back and forth (well, with most of the stories coming from people other than Remus).

Remus was sitting on the desk and leaning back on his hands, listening to the others, smiling as he watched them.  Roman was arguing with Virgil about what movies to watch when they had a Disney marathon, and Janus was only cutting in to feed the flames of their argument.  Remus, on the other hand, was allowing himself a moment to be a sap and think about how much he loved the three of them, and how much he’d appreciated everything they’d done for him.

And then the bell jingled, and a horribly familiar voice yelled “REMUS!”

Remus went stiff immediately, and Roman whirled around from where he was arguing with Virgil and jumped forward in the same motion, surprising everyone except for Remus with how quickly he moved forward and shoved himself in front of him.

“Hey, woah,” Virgil said, moving forward at the same time Janus turned around.  “What’s going on?”

Their Mom and Dad both stepped forward, and Remus could see Roman shaking as badly as he was, but he didn’t move from his spot in front of him.

“What on earth are you two doing here?” their dad said, looking back and forth between them both.

“Uh, sorry,” Virgil said, and to Remus’ surprise, he stepped forward and pushed both Roman and Remus further behind him.  “But we have a strict policy against serving people who give our employees visible fear responses.”

“Step aside, young man,” their father said, crossing his arms.  “We’re here to speak with our sons.”

Virgil exchanged a look with Janus, and Remus could see the exact moment that something processed for the two of them.  He felt a little sick, but instead he just grabbed Roman’s arm and squeezed it, and Roman linked their hands and squeezed back.

“Get off of the premises right now,” Janus said lowly, pointing a finger out the door.  “Or I am calling the police.”

“No!” Remus screamed, and Janus turned in surprise to him.

Police would be on their parents side as soon as they even started to explain the situation.  They’d send Remus back, and who knows what they’d do with Roman, and Remus would never see him or Janus or Virgil ever again.

“Remus,” their mother said, stepping forward and holding her hands out.  “We just want to help you—”

“No, get away from me, stay away!” Remus screamed, backing up and pulling Roman with him.

“Fine,” Virgil said, shifting and putting himself firmly in front of Roman and Remus.  “Get off the premises right now or I will run into the other room and grab one of our fucking bats.  And rest assured I am not afraid to use it.”

“Don’t involve yourself in situations you couldn’t have the slightest hope of understanding,” their father said, crossing his arms and glaring at Virgil.

“I understand enough,” Virgil growled.  “I understand you’re scaring the hell out of two of the bravest people I know.”

“You listen here—”

Remus turned, grabbed Roman’s arm, and ran them both into the other room, because Virgil had a good idea there and he was going to take advantage of it.  Roman seemed to pick up on his plan after a second and thankfully grabbed a bat too.  Before they headed back out, he grabbed Remus’ arm.  “How far are you planning on going?” he asked quietly.

“I have no fucking clue,” Remus said, and banged the door open, startling everyone on the other side of it.

“Get out of here,” Remus said, hoisting up the bat behind his head.  “Or I am going to fucking kill you.”

Both of his parents stared at him for a minute, and then his father sighed and put his hands on his hips, looking exasperated.

“Remus, don’t be ridiculous,” he started.

Remus screamed and slammed the bat into the wall, putting a hole right through it.  “LISTEN TO ME!” he screamed.

Well, now at least his father looked a little frightened.

“Remus,” his mother said, her voice shaking.  “Stop it, you’re causing a scene.”

“Good!   I want to!  Get the fuck out of here or I am going to slam this bat into the space between your eyes, if that is what it takes to get you the fuck out of my life!   I am happy here!  I have Roman and I have friends and I have someone I might want to actually date sometime, and I am not going to let you fuck it up again!”

“You shouldn’t be dating anyone, they’re not your soulmate—” Remus’ father started.

“No, Roman is my soulmate,” Remus said, taking a couple steps forward until, to his vicious delight, his parents took a couple steps back.  “Because I fucking say so!   That is my choice, you don’t get a say in it!  You don’t get any say in my life anymore, because every time you have one, you fuck it up!  You fucked me up and you fucked Roman up too, and I am not going to let you stay here and fuck anyone or anything else up!  So I suggest you turn around and run home with your tails between your legs.  Because I don’t want to die, but you know something?  I’m starting to think I wouldn’t mind so much if you did.”

Neither of his parents said anything, just gaped at him in shock and a still-not-appropriate-enough amount of fear.

Janus and Virgil were both staring at him too, but Remus was trying very hard not to look at them right now.  That became a little more difficult however, when after a second Janus shook himself and turned around, glaring at Remus’ parents.

“Bye,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

Both of Remus’ parents looked at him again.  Remus smacked his bat against his hand.  They turned and fled.

As soon as they were out of sight, everything rushed out of Remus at once, and he dropped to his knees and sobbed, the bat clattering to his feet beside him.

A moment later a second bat hit the ground, and Remus felt the familiar arms of his Roman encircling him.

“It’s okay,” Roman whispered.  “It’s okay it’s okay.”

Remus turned and buried his head in his chest, trying and mostly failing to breathe in any capacity.

Then, he saw a different person kneel next to him out of the corner of his eye, and Virgil was suddenly there saying something.

“I’m gonna count to four, okay?  Try and breathe in.”

Remus listened and tried to do what he said, and eventually his breathing got a little stabler, though he was still crying, and he definitely didn’t want to let go of Roman.

“Okay,” came Janus’ voice, and he knelt down on Remus’ other side.  “We’re closed up, no one else is coming in today.”

“‘m sorry,” Remus managed.

“For what?” Virgil said firmly, looking meaningfully at him.

Remus sniffed.  “For damaging the wall,” he said with a weak smile.  “‘m not supposed to do that.”

Virgil burst into laughter, smiling back at Remus and shaking his head.  “I love you, you idiot,” he said.

Remus sniffed again, his smile fading.  “You want an explanation?”

“We don’t need one,” Janus said.

Remus turned to stare at him.  “You’re telling me you aren’t curious?”

“Remus, I have been desperately curious for months now,” Janus said.  “But last time we tried to talk about something before you were ready it went really, really poorly.”

Roman nudged Remus gently from the front, and Remus looked up at him.  “I think it’s time,” he said quietly.

Remus looked at him for a minute, and he nodded.  “‘Kay,” he mumbled.  He blinked a couple times, and then grabbed Roman’s still-shaking arms.  “You okay?”

Roman let out a shaky breath and shook his head, some tears slipping past his eyes.

Remus climbed up and wrapped his arms tightly around Roman, and Roman took his turn to cry into Remus’ shoulder.

When they both felt a little more stable, Remus turned to look at Janus, then Virgil, trying to think of how to start.  Finally, he sighed.

“Here,” he said, pulling his sleeve up and showing them both his soulmark.  Janus raised an eyebrow, and Virgil just looked at it, his face not revealing anything.

“Mom and Dad wouldn’t ever listen when I told them I was okay,” Remus said quietly, pulling his sleeve back down.  “And eventually they tossed me into a mental hospital, looking for something to justify their stupid beliefs and insane paranoia.”

“I kinda got the opposite treatment,” Roman said, pulling up his own sleeve and laying it out in front of them, but just leaving it there instead of pulling it back down.  “I told them I wasn’t okay, over and over, but they never let me not be.”

“So we ran,” Remus said.  “Decided we were soulmates, said each other’s soulmarks, and just ran away.”

Virgil whistled, leaning back on his hands.  “Well, shit.”

“I’m so sorry,” Janus said quietly.

Remus let out a shaky breath.  “Yeah,” he said, “me too.”

“We kind of lied about being eighteen for the first couple months we were here,” Roman said.

Janus snorted.  “Oh, we knew.”

Remus laughed a little, giving him a tired smile.

“I vote we all head back to Janus’ and I’s place,” Virgil said.  “We’re taking tomorrow off to watch movies and stuff our faces with junk food.”

“I’m so down with that plan,” Remus said.

“Eventually we’re going to need to figure out a plan to keep you both safe long term,” Janus said.  “But I think Remus bought us all some time there.  It will also help now that you’re both actually eighteen.”

“I like that plan,” Roman said, giving an exhausted nod.

“For now let’s go home though,” Virgil said, standing.  “I’m gonna go pull the car around.  Just meet me out front whenever you can manage.”

“Hey,” Remus said, looking between Virgil and Janus.  “Thank you.  Both of you.  So much.”

Janus reached over and gave Remus a squeeze, and then Virgil leaned down and did the same.

“Of course,” Virgil said.  “We look out for each other when we work shitty service jobs together.”

Remus laughed and smiled up at him, and Virgil gave him a smirk as he headed out to the car.

Janus helped him and Roman both stand up a second later, and they all headed for the exit at a leisurely pace.

And as they stepped out front to head towards movies and junk foods, and Remus climbed into the car with his brother and two closest friends, he realized maybe the good part of life would last after all.