Work Text:
Cole, sweating: Cashew, there’s something I need to ask you-
Cashew: Finally! You’re proposing!
Cole: How’d you know?
Cashew: Cole, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Cashew: I even picked it up once.
Cashew: We’re getting married, bitches!
Cole: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.
Volks: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Eli: Wow. They sound stupid.
Volks: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
Eli: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Volks: I guess you’re right. Hey Eli, I love you.
Eli: See! Just say that!
Volks: Holy fucking shit.
Eli: If that flies over their head then, sorry Volks, but they're too dumb for you.
Volks: Eli.
Eli: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Volks: That's great, Eli. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.
Eli: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...
Volks: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.
Amelia: Are you ready to commit?
Bonnibel: Like, a crime or a relationship?
Amelia: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Bonnibel: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Amelia: Yes.
Bonnibel: I'd sleep.
Elle: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart.
Iro: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.
Elle: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Iro: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.
Iro: Bro, I had a dream we fucked.
Elle: Bro, relax it was just a dream.
Iro: Huh, gay, I wouldn’t fuck you.
Elle: You wouldn’t?
Iro: I mean, unless you want to-
Quill: My hands are cold.
Fumi: Here, let me hold them.
Quill: My lips are cold too.
Fumi: *covers Quill's mouth with their hand*
Quill: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.
Fumi: What hints have you given them?
Quill: Well, I think about them a lot.
Quill: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.
The Dark One: Is something burning?
Q-Pernikiss, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.
The Dark One: Q-Pernikiss, the toaster is literally on fire.
Q-Pernikiss: The Dark One, you love me, right?
The Dark One: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.
Tessa: I owe you one.
Suzu: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.
Tessa: Two bros!
Suzu: Chillin' in a hot tub!
Tessa and Suzu, in unison: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!
Tessa: Suzu is playing hard to get.
Tessa: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.
Tessa: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.
Suzu: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.
Tessa: ...
Tessa: You mean ring bearER, right?
Suzu: ...
Tessa: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.
Tessa: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?
Suzu: ...Have you never taken a shower before?
Suzu: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?
Tessa: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.
Sawyer: Did it hurt when you fell-
Lake: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-
Sawyer: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Lake: ...
Sawyer: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
Lake: That was so hot, Sawyer.
Sawyer: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
Lake: I'm so in love with you.
More Tessa x Suzu cause I love my lesbians <33
Tessa: Suzu and I are no longer dating.
Suzu: Tessa, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.
Tessa: Well, Suzu and I finally did it!
The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*
Tessa: That's right... We kissed!
Tessa: So you like cats?
Suzu: Yeah.
Tessa: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
Tessa: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Suzu: Peonies, why?
Tessa:
Suzu: Were you going to get me flowers?
Tessa:
Suzu:
Tessa: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ
Tessa: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.
Suzu: Marry me.
*Tessa comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Suzu’s bedroom.*
Suzu: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?
Tessa: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend.
Tessa: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*
Suzu: ...
Tessa: Can you cut me some slack, Suzu? I’m sort of in love.
Suzu: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.
Tessa: I’m in love with you.
Suzu: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.
Tessa: Are you sure Suzu's even gay? They barely even looked at me.
Suzu: I fell—
Tessa: From heaven?
Suzu: No, I literally fell—
Tessa: In love with me the moment you saw me?
Suzu: MY ARM IS BROKEN!
Tessa: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.
Suzu walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Tessa, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.
Tessa, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)
Suzu: Are we fighting or flirting?
Tessa: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Suzu: Your point?
Ight thanks for going through my Tessa x Suzu rush <333