Chapter Text
A/N: Hey everyone! Here is the thrilling sequel to Equestria Girls Unrated.
Equestria Girls Unrated 2: Battle of The Bands!
Chapter 1: A New Threat
(Taco Bell, Outskirts of town.)
A bunch of people are arguing in different tongues and dialects as 3 women in hoodies silently sing with glowing pendants.
No they are not the Mexican drug cartel, they are The Dazzlings.
“Tacos are my Tendies.” Said a Blue-haired airhead girl named Sonata.
“After watching you eat all these tacos I can’t help but think that your damn brain is a taco.” Said a tough bitch Girl named Aria.
“Hey screw you Aria! Unlike you, Tacos love me.” Said Sonata.
Aria was pissed.
“Chipotle is better and their bathrooms don’t have shit everywhere!”
“GASP! Blasphemy!” Said Sonata.
“And besides fast food sucks ass, I need a REAL MEAL.” Aria said all moody.
The 3rd intervened.
“For the last fucking time, the magic in this realm is nowhere near as powerful as is in Equestria.” Said the mysterious 3rd figure revealing herself to be Adagio Dazzle.
The two submitted.
Adagio was a day walker with purple eyes, c-cup tits, feminine hips, wide waist and a nice ass.
“Ugh! I wish we were in Equestria.” Said Aria.
“Aw, I love it here.” Said a sarcastic Adagio.
“Really? Cuz I thought you said this world is a shit hole?” Chirped Sonata.
“You’re a shit hole.” Said Aria.
“Yeah well my boobs are bigger than yours.” Said Sonata.
“Yeah if only your brain was as big as your tits!”
“Trust me, being stuck here with you two isn’t making my image any more fappable.” Adagio growled.
Just then there was an article in the paper about This day in history, recalling the events of the magic battle that happened at Canterlot Community College.
“You two see that? It’s Equestrian Magic! With it we will make everyone in this pathetic world adore us and…..”
Almost immediately there was an explosion in the distance.
“Dafaq?!” Asked Aria.
“Gasp! Is that magic too???” Asked Sonata.
“No, it’s just some man-made explosion, where were we??? Oh right, MUHAHAHAHAHA!” Laughed Adagio.
(Title blasts in the foreground as silhouettes of bands start fighting)
(Trixie’s Mommy’s Gated home)
Rain poured in the only decent part of the city as a faint familiar scream could be heard, getting louder as a shadow started to form on the ground, a pink figure covered head to toe in soot crashed into the earth, causing a small outline crater.
“Der’ goes my Meth Lab.” Groaned an injured Junkie Pinkie.
“Pinkie causing a ruckus again? Look, just come on in and get yourself all cleaned up.” Said Trixie’s Mom from the gate.
“Okilly-dokilly!”
She opened the gate and let the Junkie in.
Twilight Sparkle sat in her room, frustrated that she couldn’t use magic, while looking at the same photo of her crying with everyone else besides Trixie from almost a whole year ago.
“Well Sparkle, almost a whole, traumatizing year, and we’ve barely studied for the battle of the bands.” She said to herself.
Behind Twilight, Human RD stood with no bottoms on, snuck up and proceeded to use her genitals like a puppet.
“Hey Der’ Miss Gwump Flaps.”
“Human Rainbow Dash, I’m not gay.” She said without facing her.
“Now Twi’ surely you’re not the least bit Bi-curious???” Human RD inches closer.
“Human Rainbow Dash, this is your final warning.” Said Twilight, still having her back to H RD.
“Aw cum on Twilight’s face, don’t tell me you aren’t a tincy wincy itsy bitsy coochie cooch chooch….?”
Without turning around, Twilight backfisted Human RD right in her twat.
“OH MY PUSSY! TWILIGHT YOU FUCKING CUNT BUSTED ME! YEEEOOOOWWWCH!” She jumped quite a lot.
“That’s what you get for being a creepy perv!” Said Twilight Sparkle.
“Well fucking great! I gotta lay down for 15-20 shitty minutes as my pussy heals! I’m going to the pool.” She limped out of the room.
Considering how many sexual partners Human RD has had, Twilight Sparkle cleans her hands with hand sanitizer. She wasn’t accusing HRD of having diseases or anything, she just wanted to play it safe, same thing with Human Pinkie Pie.
“Sup there, Dumpster Princess?” Laughed Junkie Pie.
“I’m working on the lyrics for our songs.”
“Could I help?”
“Now that you mention it, yes thank you.”
“Yippie! Now I just gotta get the noodle juices flowing!” She snorts a lot of Meth, and acts like she’s in a Loony Tunes Cartoon.
“Yup I’m all hopped up! Now to get some inspiration!” She spins out the house to the park.
The OG versions came back from work.
“I’m back from the skate park, people who purposely leave skid marks for me to clean are douches.” Said OG RD.
“I had to pick up after those poor ponies in Medieval Times.” Said OG Fluttershy.
“The customers are so rude at JCPenny.” Groaned OG Rarity.
“Some fatass broke the mechanical bull at the country bar.” Stressed OG AppleJack.
“Those kids at that birthday party were hyper even for me. Then one of the moms called me a freak for accidentally scaring her son on his birthday, it’s not my fault he was scared of clowns. And who invites a clown to a kid’s birthday party if the kid is scared of clowns???” Said OG Pinkie Pie who worked as a Birthday Party Clown.
“Look Girls, this year has been hard on all of us but since the other bands aren’t that great we should be able to win the element back.” Said Twilight Sparkle.
“Uh Twi Sorry I don’t mean to be nosey but your phone has 5 missed messages.” Said Pinkie.
“Thanks Pinkie. 5 missed messages? I wonder what they are?” Pondered Twilight.
“You have five missed messages, first voice message:
“Hiya Twi! So I tried getting inspired by smoking crack at a playground but the mean ol’ popo took my crack pipe, when I demanded it back they tased my ass and are holding me in jail. Did I mention that this is my only call??? My lack of teeth makes it easier for me to suck off the guards but they said no. If you could please bail me out it will get my Dopamine receptors back up and running, thanks again!”
Twilight lets her messages play as she, Trixie and Trixie’s Mom go to bail their allies out.
“Hey Twilight, It’s Rainbow Dash, I went to what I thought was a nude beach but when I stripped naked some body-shaming cops arrested me and threw my sexy ass in the slammer! Please bail me out cuz this is my only call, also please bring some of my clothes over cuz these jail clothes are tacky as fuck!”
“Howdy Twilight! I was auditioning for this white gang but we got jumped by Rarity’s black gang! I gave Rarity a bloody nose but that mudshark gave me a fat lip! This is my one call so I chose you! Please bail me out of jail and I’ll make you an honorary white woman!”
“Twilight Deary! I have just one call! My African American club sought to put an end to a White Club but that yokel jabbed my d’ose spilling MY blood on MY African dress so I gave her what she called “Big Lips” Sorry her words not mine. Please be a darling and bail me out of this icky jail? Thanks a million!”
“Twilight I have bad news! I saw a little girl having a pony for her princess birthday party. I was so enraged that I poured fake blood all over her. As I proceeded to lecture her to leaving horses alone, her family got pissed at me and pinned my Vegan rump to the ground. No matter how many times I screamed “RAPE! GIVE ANIMALS THEIR BILL OF RIGHTS!” The Carnist Cops ignored my cries and locked me in jail. One of them even stomped on a helpless cockroach causing me to cry Vegan Tears! I’m like a cow being exploited by the beef and dairy industry. This is my only call, Please liberate me!”
As the final message ended, Trixie’s Mom paid their bail.
“That’s coming out of y’all’s paychecks.” Said Trixie’s Mom.
(Church Confessional)
Having been called out numerous times, Sunset Shimmer felt awful.
Guilt hung over her like a thunderstorm, though she didn’t have a religious upbringing, she sought spiritual direction.
Looking up the confession schedule, Sunset entered the confessional and waited for the priest to arrive momentarily.
Not learning her lesson(s), Junkie Pinkie wandered into the other side of the confessional reserved for priests and closed the door.
“Bless me Father for while I haven’t had a religious upbringing I have sinned.”
“Say on.” Said Pinkie in a deep voice.
“Well originally I tried to take over the school with satanic powers but this special girl named Trixie squirted a holy water squirt gun at my head. I’ve lost my connection to Satan, and upon reflecting I realized how evil I was. I’m not sorry for getting caught but am genuinely sorry for my crimes, how can I atone for my sins???” Asked Sunset Shimmer.
“Drugs, lots and lots of drugs.”
“........As in prescribed drugs?”
“Ugh no none of that boring over the counter stuff. I’m talking about recreational and hard drugs.”
“........That’s allowed???”
“Why yeah all the cool kids are doing it like crack, cocaine and my personal favorite Crystal Meth! I can set you up with a dealer or you can buy some off of me.”
“I’m sorry but I don’t think abusing my body with that stuff will help me undo the evil I….”
“Now listen here you little shit this is premium Meth……”
The door for the priest opens.
“What the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks are you doing in here?!” The priest asked Junkie Pinkie.
“On noes Father! Please don’t have the Nuns bruise my knuckles! I need them to roll doobies!” Begged Junkie Pinkie.
“SCRAM!” Said the priest kicking Junkie Pinkie out.
Sunset is startled.
The actual priest enters.
“My sincerest apologies, some Junkie was posing as a priest but I pray they repent, I am here for your confession.”
Sunset goes over her sins.
“I see, we’ve all made mistakes. I was once obsessed with chaos but after an accident that nearly took my life, I became a priest and made amends. Though you caused problems in the past, it doesn't mean you have to continue causing those problems. You should turn your life around and help those whom you’ve wronged.”
“Well, there is this battle of the bands, I play guitar, maybe I could help them?” Suggested Shimmer.
“Excellent, I absolve you of your sins, go forth and help your new friends.”
“Okay, Thanks Father Discord!”
She left.
Fr. Discord opened his confessional door.
“How on Earth Did she know it was me???”
A/N: Yup there’s chapter 1, hope no one else was in Junkie Pie’s exploding meth lab.