Chapter Text
It’s cold. I don’t remember the last time I was cold – not during the day anyway. I wonder if the other people on the transport are cold. Most of them don’t have any fur.
Okay, none of them have any fur. I’m the only one.
When the purple lady with wings and fuzzy antenna helped me onto the ship she’d said something about that. She’d rubbed my arm, smiled, and asked me where my family was. When I told her I didn’t know she frowned.
“Where did you last see them, sweetheart?”
“I don’t know. I’m ‘without home.’ A village rat.”
She looked at me funny when I said that. She turned to one of the other women who was helping people on the transport. She asked her a question in a language I didn’t understand. It almost sounded like she was singing.
The other lady, who was tall and magenta with large arms, answered. I didn’t understand a word she said.
Then the first lady, who would tell me later her name was Videa, sighed. She turned back to me and put her hand on my cheek.
“Orphan,” she breathed, probably quiet enough that no one else would’ve heard. Then… something else and… “magicat.”
I blinked at her, and she smiled. “What’s your name little one?”
She didn’t like it much when I said I didn’t have one.
I have a number, 0515. But I didn’t think that would make it any better. And no one called me that anymore. Not since the Home was destroyed in the first invasion.
That was the last time I was this cold, I realize, rubbing my arms. During the hot summer days when the sun beat down heavy on the Crimson Desert and it hadn’t rained in months, the Home would run the cooling unit at max capacity so the Lizardfolk didn’t overheat.
Most of them would go outside for a few hours and then come inside for a while and then go back. But I would stay inside all day, burrowed under my blanket. It was always far too hot outside during the dry months, and my fur would get itchy and sandy in the wind. I preferred to sleep during the day anyway.
But at night, after the sun had gone down and the winds had stopped, I would sneak out one of the high windows above my bunk and stare at the stars.
I told one of the other children in the Home once that the stars call to me. She didn’t know what I meant. I didn’t really either.
But when I stare at the stars I feel… longing.
The Home was destroyed two years ago, and since then I’ve been on the streets. I don’t usually go hungry, the people of my new village are generous, but I sleep under the stars every night now.
Or I did. Until the winged people showed up.
They showed up in a big shiny ship, a lot like the one we’re on now. It was made of dark metal and it was boxy, with sharp edges. Some people thought it was more of the Horde, but Horde ships are white and sleek, so I knew better. And when the winged people got off the ship, they had… stuff.
My new village, Sunchoke, hadn’t really been invaded yet. But that didn’t mean everything was okay. I’d overheard people in the square talking about trade routes being cut off and how no one could even get into the Valley of the Lost anymore. But the winged people had food, and supplies, and seemed to know about the Horde.
They said they’re at war with them, and they were here to help us. And if we wanted, they would take us far away, somewhere safe.
So, now I’m cold, but I’m going somewhere the Horde isn’t.
I look up from the shiny metal floor to see Videa walking towards me. She has a blanket and holds it out to me.
After waiting a second to see if she means it, I reach out and tug the blanket out of her hands. She chuckles and I quickly wrap it around my shoulders.
“You’d think with all that fur you wouldn’t get so cold…”
I don’t respond. I just pull my legs up onto the bench I’m sitting on and wrap them in the blanket.
I hear Videa sigh, and I glance up to see her frowning.
Oh. “Um… thank you,” I whisper before ducking down and burying my face between my knees.
She sighs again and there’s a scuffling as she sits down next to me. I try not to stiffen as she puts her hand on my shoulder.
“How old are you, sweetheart?”
I shrug, keeping my head down. It’s true that I don’t know. Based on my number I know I was in the home for 6 years. It’s been two since then. So I have to be at least eight. But I’m small, even for an eight or nine-year-old. Or, I’m smaller than any Lizardkin my age. But I’m pretty sure whatever I am doesn’t grow the same way Lizardfolk do.
I wonder if this lady knows what I am, but I’m not gonna ask her.
She sits with me for a little while, but she doesn’t ask me more questions. Eventually, she leaves.
When I have the short bench to myself again, I lay down, curling up in the warm spot she left behind. It smells like her, almost like cactus blossoms but sweeter. Slowly, with the sound of the ship thrumming around me, I drift off to sleep.
All the other “refugees” and I are standing in a clump at the front of the ship, and everything’s buzzing. People are whispering, excited and nervous for what we’re going to see when they open the door. They gave us instructions – they said we would be directed through the “hangar” (the place where they kept the ships) to a room called a “processing office.” They said that there we’d be assigned places to stay, get help finding jobs and that they’d figure out anything else we’d need help with to set up a life here.
I practice the word again. “Refugees,” I whisper, fighting to pull my lips back enough to make the sound at the end. It’s not a sound that’s used a lot in Lizardfolk. One of the winged people, who had brown hair that hung down in front of their eyes, explained that was the word for us in Etherian. It meant we were looking for a safe place away from the danger of our home world.
I guess it works.
I practice the other word too, “Etherian.” That’s the language most people on the planet speak. Apparently most of them were refugees at one point too. And now they live here, on Floulite.
That’s my favorite of the new words – “Floulite.” It sounds like whistling.
My ears perk up as the door lurches. It opens slowly, shuddering the whole way. I watch eagerly as more and more of the new world becomes visible through the crack.
It’s… amazing.
There are dozens of ships, a lot like this one, pointy and dark lined up against the darker walls, and at the far end of the building there’s a large open doorway and everything on the other side is bright. We start moving, the winged people leading us down the ramp onto the hangar floor. It’s cold and slick beneath my feet.
All around us are people, walking around tapping away at pads and wearing light purple suits. They aren’t identical though. They have different patterns and shapes. A few of them have helmets under their arms. I realize after a second that the winged people are wearing similar suits. They weren’t when we first got on the ship. I wonder what they mean.
We’re led about halfway down the hangar and then we turn, going through a door that’s smaller than the one at the end and a little less bright. Through the door is a room with soft purple walls and a desk in each of its four corners. Sitting at those desks are people, but not like any people I’ve ever seen.
One lady has long reddish brown pigtails, like the color of the deep sand back home, and a large… red thing on the top of her head. And there’s a man who looks… well he looks a little bit like a goat.
The middle of the room is filled with chairs and a lot of them already have people in them. There’s one lady who has this head that looks like it’s filled with cactus jelly, and a man who has a scaly face, but with fins sticking out of his neck.
I wonder for a second if there will be someone on this planet that looks like me.
I realize after a second that all the other “refugees” sat down and I’m just standing in the middle of the room. I can feel people looking at me, and it makes me itch. So I duck my head and find an empty seat.
The floppy haired wing person stands at the front of the room where there’s a big white screen. They tap it and it lights up. I recognize the picture on it – it’s a picture of this planet. I saw it out of a viewport on the ship. It’s pretty, lots of blue and pink.
I wonder what the Crimson Desert looks like from space. It’s probably just a big reddish orange blob. I can’t picture anything else though, I’d never been anywhere except the desert. I don’t even know if our planet has land that isn’t desert.
The winged person with the hair starts talking, and I sit up. I’m anxious, but I’m gonna listen.
“…one of our clerks will come up to you and take you back to their desk to get your affairs sorted out. If you have partners or children, take them with you. While you wait, we’re going to have you watch this video.” They tap the screen again, and the picture of the planet starts to move. “It’s informational. It will tell you all about Floulite and what to expect from your life here.”
They step back, going to a chair at the back of the room and the picture on the screen changes. A woman with pink hair that sparkles and a soft smile appears.
“Welcome to Floulite,” she says. Her voice is high pitched and friendly. Maybe too friendly? Like the lady who owns the bakery back home. She sounds friendly, but she’s mean, and always shoos me away from her trash.
“I’m Glimmer of Bright Moon.”
She starts talking about how Bright Moon was a place on her home planet, and that she was part of a very important family there. She talks about the war with the Horde and having to leave her planet. She says that Floulite was “inhospitable” when they first arrived, but that her people managed to use technology to make it easier to live here.
Then there’s a lady with really long purple pigtails on screen talking about “biomes.”
It’s a very long video, and I start to fall asleep after about 20 minutes.
Then a new lady starts talking.
“Hello,” my eyes fly open, “I’m Adora.”
The lady on screen is very pretty, but also friendly looking, and strong. She has broad shoulders and blonde hair in a ponytail. She starts talking again and her voice makes me feel… something. It’s good, even though it makes my eyes water a little. Her voice is warm and safe.
I don’t remember the last time I felt like that.
“I’m a General in the Rebellion Army.” She smiles. “I promise, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. Lots of paperwork. But I wanted to assure you that you are safe here on Floulite.” She puts her hands behind her back and stands up taller. “The war effort is ongoing, but Etherian ships are untraceable for the Horde and we have made a safe harbor here.” Her face gets serious, and I feel like she’s looking right at me when she speaks again. “I promise, this war will end, and we will be victorious. Nothing will stop me from defeating the Horde.”
She sighs and her gaze drops. “We’re so close, and when this war is over, you will all be able to go home.” She lifts her head again, and smiles. “Or, if you want, you can stay. Floulite will never turn you away.”
I blink and the screen goes dark. After a second where the music gets louder the screen shows a lady stepping off one of the ships in the hangar. She’s wearing her helmet, and I make a face. It… has ears?
She takes the helmet off and I gasp. Loudly.
She has ears like mine.
I look at her, all of her, and I make a list in my head of all the ways she looks like me – she has the same ears, she has a tail, her face is covered in sand colored fur, and her fingers are long and pointy like maybe she has claws underneath the gloves.
And yeah, her tail is black and sleek, and her hair is brown and her eyes are two different colors, but it wouldn’t make sense for everything to be exactly the same. Lizardfolk don’t all look exactly the same, not even lizardkin and their parents.
The lady on screen smiles and two of her sharp top teeth poke out over her lip.
“Hello,” her voice is raspy and it makes my skin tingle, “I’m Catra. Welcome to Floulite.”
It’s like when the blonde lady, Adora, was talking. But… a little different. When Adora was talking it was good, just good. But this lady… I feel like I’m looking up at the stars.
Maybe it’s ‘cause she looks like me. Maybe I just really want to meet her. I wonder if they’ll let me.
I throw my hand up in the air and wave it around like we would do at the Home during lessons if we had a question. Catra’s still talking on the screen. “I’m the head of the Department of Planetary Outreach and Humanitarian Services. Which is just a fancy way of say I’m here to help you…”
Finally the winged person with the hair notices me. They come over and bend down, probably so they can see my face in the dark. I don’t thing the winged people can see well when it’s dark like me and the lizardfolk can.
“Yes? Do you have a question?”
I drop my hand and point at the screen. “What is she?”
They look at the lady and their brow wrinkles. “That’s Catra, she’s the head of—”
I shake my head. “No! Not who. What. What species is she?”
They turn back to me and they look really confused. “She’s a magicat. Aren’t you also a magicat?”
I blink. “Magicat…” I whisper, practicing the word. That was the word Videa had whispered, or, it’s one of them. I wonder why I’ve never heard it before.
I’m thinking so hard about that word, about what it means that I look like the lady on the screen, and about how I’m gonna make these people let me meet someone so important, when my ear flicks. Someone’s walking toward us. I pull my eyes away from the screen and look up into pink eyes and pinker hair.
Glimmer, the same Glimmer from the video, crouches down next to me. My mouth falls open. She smiles and gives a quick nod to floppy hair. They nod back and stand up to go back to their chair. Or, I assume that’s where they’re going. I don’t watch. I just stare at Glimmer.
She smells sweeter than agave and honey. I didn’t know a person could smell like that.
“Hello!” she beams. She holds out her hand. “I’m Glimmer.”
I don’t take her hand. I clamp my mouth shut and look between her and the view screen. I think the video is gonna be over soon. Glimmer’s on screen again and she’s saying something about wishing us luck.
“Like from the video,” I mutter.
Glimmer nods and pulls her hand back. “What’s your name?” she asks, cocking her head.
I pull my legs up underneath me on the chair and wrap my tail around my stomach. I’m sick of telling this story. I don’t like the way I get looked at. I wasn’t the only kid without a name. No one in the Home had one. We just had numbers. Although some kids had nicknames. I wasn’t one of those kids.
Glimmer realizes I’m not gonna answer her question and sighs. “Will you at least tell me where you’re from?”
I look up from my feet and shrug. “I don’t know what you call it.”
Honestly I wasn’t sure what the other people from my planet called it either. I’d heard a few different names – Raptca and Fierra are the ones I can remember, but I don’t think Glimmer would be able to even pronounce those names right.
Glimmer presses her lips together. “I’m trying here, kid. Help me out.”
I glare at her and stick out my tongue. I’m tired. For the last few days I’ve been sleeping on a bench in a very cold ship. And for the last two years I’ve been sleeping on the very hard ground without a pillow or blanket, hiding in alleys. People ignored me, pretended I wasn’t there when I was asking for their scraps of food. But now I’m here, and I’ve been answering questions and listening quietly for days. I did everything they asked.
I don’t want to be 0515. I don’t wanna be from Raptca or Fierra or wherever the Crimson Desert is. I wanna be someone new, and I wanna live on Floulite. Why does she need to know who I was? It’s not who I’m going to be ever again.
She groans. “Where are your parents?”
I bite my lip and pull my knees to my chest. I don’t wanna answer this question either. But maybe I should. I think she’s gonna keep asking me stuff until I answer something. And she’ll probably figure this one out eventually.
And I’m guessing to get a new name or a new home or…
I don’t let myself imagine a family. They won’t give me one of those. They’ll probably just put me in a new Home. And that’s okay – the Home was better than the streets. But I should probably tell her a Home is where I belong…
“I don’t know.”
Glimmer frowns. Her eyes dart around the room. “I’m sure they’re here somewhere. We’ll find—”
“No,” I lift my head and reach out to pat her on the arm. She looks down at my hand and then back up at my face. She’s kinda smiling.
“I don’t have parents,” I murmur.
Based on how Videa acted, and how the occasional Lizardfolk mother would look at me when she called her kids in and told me to go home, I kinda expect Glimmer to react a certain way.
She does not.
She smiles big and tightens her grip on my hand. “Really?”
The tip of my tail flicks against my side. I can hear the quiet woosh it makes and the sprinkle of sand falling to the ground. It’s too fluffy, it’s always getting dirty. I remember the Magicat lady’s, Catra, I practice in my head, sleek black tail. It makes me anxious. It’s different. Maybe I don’t belong here either…
“Yeah,” I mutter, answering Glimmer’s question. I can’t remember a life before the Home. “I lived in the village Home for the Ones Without until a couple years ago. But then that village was attacked by the Horde.”
She covers my hand with her own. It’s soft and warm. “Where have you been living since then?”
I frown. The prettiest way to say it is to tell her “I sleep under the stars,” but she’s smart. And I’m a better liar than spinner.
“Come on,” she says, standing up and wrapping her hand around mine. “I think I know where you belong.”
After that Glimmer took me up to one of the tables – the one with the lady with pigtails and the red thing on her head. She whispered with the lady for a couple minutes, and they filled out papers. I thought she would’ve asked me questions like I thought she’d asked the other refugees. But I guess Glimmer told her everything important.
I couldn’t understand most of what they were saying. I think they were speaking Etherian. That’s when I realized that the video had been in Lizardfolk.
I raise my hand and wave it around. The pigtail lady notices me and she looks a lil confused. “Yes?” she asks. Her voice is interesting, kinda like it’s cracking a lot. I like it.
“How do you know Lizardfolk?”
Glimmer and the lady smile at me. Glimmer lifts up her hand. “We don’t.” On her finger is a silver ring. She turns it, using her thumb, and it glows red. Then she starts speaking again and the words make no sense to me. She must be speaking Etherian.
But something about the sound of the words tugs in my chest. It sounds like singing. My ears twitch and my tail flicks back and forth. “What’s that?”
Glimmer snickers and turns it again. It glows green. “It’s a translator. If you watch my mouth, you’ll probably notice it twitching a little bit. Just in the corner?” She points at her mouth. “See?”
My eyes get wide, and I straighten in my chair. “Can I have one?”
Glimmer and the lady both laugh this time. “That’s what we’re working on. Just give me a couple more minutes and we’ll be on our way.”
I sigh and cross my arms. I’ve been waiting for a while and I’m starting to get really bored. “Where are we going anyway?”
The pigtail lady looks at Glimmer out of the corner of her eye. I’m guessing she doesn’t know what Glimmer is planning to do with me either.
“I’m taking you to meet someone,” Glimmer shrugs, reaching onto the table and picking up another paper. “I think she’ll be very excited to see you.”
I perk up again. “Is it Catra?”
Glimmer freezes and the pigtail lady’s eyes get big. She looks back and forth between me and Glimmer.
“You don’t think—”
Glimmer holds up a hand and gives the lady a hard stare. “Why,” she turns to me, “do you think I would be taking you to meet Catra?”
I shrug, now pretty sure I definitely did something wrong. “Well, she’s a… ‘magicat,’” I struggle to get the word out right. “Which is what the winged person with floppy hair said I am. And in the video she said she was here to help refugees. I just thought…” I shrug again and pick up the end of my tail.
When I look back into Glimmer’s face her eyes are so… shiny. I jump to my feet. “Your eyes are wet!”
She blinks, and a drop of water runs down her cheek. I stare at it. I’ve never seen another person “leak” before! Lizardfolk don’t do it, and both of my villages were primarily lizardfolk. I once met a Coyota, but I forgot to ask before he’d passed through.
“Um…” she blinks, “Yeah, don’t yours get—”
I put both hands on the desk and lean forward. “I’ve never met someone else who’s eyes leak!”
She laughs and puts a hand on my head. I stiffen a little until she starts to scratch at the fur on the top of my head, and I nearly collapse.
No one’s ever scratched my head before. I have, I guess, but it didn’t feel like this. A soft rumbling builds up in my chest.
“Etherians call it ‘crying’,” Glimmer explains, pulling back her hand. The rumbling slowly dissipates. “And most all of us do it. It happens when you feel an intense emotion or feelings. But you probably already knew that, huh?”
I bob my head, sitting back in my chair. “I almost did it during the video,” I sigh, settling into the chair happily. The scratches felt so good. “I try not to though, because the Lizardkin would get scared.”
I hear Glimmer huff, “What part made you cry?”
I shrug, closing my eyes. “I almost… ‘cried’?” I look to see Glimmer nod and smile. Maybe someday I’ll be able to speak Etherian like her. “When I saw Catra. I’ve never seen another… Ma-gi-cat,” I sound it out carefully, “before. But the first time was when the blonde lady was talking. Adora, right?”
Glimmer’s eyes got wet again, like she was seconds away from crying. “What about Adora made you want to cry?”
I shrug again, feeling a little embarrassed but I’m not gonna let Glimmer and red hat know that. “Just when she started talking… She seems… nice.”
Glimmer beams and straightens, grabbing up the paperwork she and the lady had been filling out. “Come on kid, I’m about to make your life.”
I scrunch my nose. I don’t understand what she means. But I hop off the chair. “So… I’m not going to meet Catra?”
She shakes her head but she’s still excited. I don’t know why.
“Who am I going to meet?”
Glimmer smirks like a desert fox. “Her wife.”
Glimmer took me out of that room, and down a dark hallway. We walk for a long time and I’m starting to count the weird panels on the floor. They’re cold on my feet and made out of some kind of metal, I think. But it’s blue, like very blue, which I didn’t think metal could be. After another couple minutes we turn right and the hall that was dark and dreary is filled with light.
I blink a couple times, but once my eyes adjust I realize this part of the hall has large square windows along the left side. They’re taller than I am and wider than I can hold out my arms. I run up to the nearest one, pushing Glimmer out of the way, and press my nose up against the glass.
For the first time I’m able to see Floulite, and it’s amazing.
It’s so blue.
I realize pretty quickly that it’s blue because of the crystals. On all sides there are big blue crystals lining the walls and poking through the dark ground. Even the sky is crystals.
Because we’re underground.
I gasp. There are buildings on the ground, all different colors and shapes and sizes, but there are also buildings that are buried in the walls. And connecting a bunch of the wall buildings are long white tubes that sprawl along the walls in all different directions. They have windows and through them I can see people walking. Look down, pressing my face even flatter against the window.
I’m in one of those tubes now.
I giggle. Then I notice the people.
Down on the floor of the cave are people, hundreds of people, just walking around, laughing and talking. I realize that the buildings on the ground are houses, and I wonder if I’ll get to live in one.
They’re nice looking, a lot of different colors and shapes. There’s one near me that’s pink and super boxy. But the one next to it is purple and has a sloping roof and kinda looks like a really big, wooden tent.
A lady who looks like a goat walks into a really round house, it looks like a ball got cut in half and put on the ground, and I wonder if she has a family.
Glimmer taps me on the shoulder and I pull my head back. She smiles at me and crouches next to me. “See that dark tunnel over there?” She points to the far end of the cave and I squint. After a second I see a dark splotch that reaches about halfway up the wall. It’s not very big, from this far away that is, but I’m sure people could fit through it. I nod.
Glimmer smiles. “There’s another settlement through there, and another one past that.”
My mouth falls open and my eyes get big. “How many people live here?”
She shrugs and stands up straight again. “I don’t know to be honest. But a lot.” She holds out her hand. “Now come on, we’re almost there.”
I stare at her hand. She’s wearing fingerless white gloves and she doesn’t have claws…
“I might rip your gloves,” I whisper, holding up my hand so she can see the little knives on the tips of my fingers.
She sighs and drops her hand. “You’re just like them…”
I don’t ask her what she means, but when she turns to keep walking I follow her.
She’s right, it isn’t much longer and we’re approaching a solid metal wall with a crack down the middle. On the right side is a little keypad with glowing purple keys. Glimmer types on the pad and after a second the wall is sliding open with a woosh. It’s a lot louder than the one my tail makes.
On the other side of the door is… Well I don’t know what this is.
There’s people, lots of people, and lots of viewscreens on long desks that stretch across the room. It would be really dark but on the far wall is a giant viewscreen that’s glowing a really bright purple.
My ears press flat against my head. It’s so loud in here. There’s a bunch of beeping and whirring and all the talking. Most of its kinda hushed, like people are whispering, but I wince as a really loud and shrill voice starts talking over everybody else.
“I think it would be to our biggest advantage to use a highly magnetized pulse to—”
There’s a heavy sigh and then a comforting voice fills the room. “Entrapta, last time we deployed magnetized pulses, we almost—”
“I know!” the first lady says, and Glimmer puts her hand on my back.
She crouches down next to me again. “Stay right here, okay?” she whispers and I kinda nod. But I’m also trying to look through the crowd of people to find the voice that I’m pretty sure belongs to—
“Adora!” Glimmer cries out, and everyone in the room stops talking. They turn their heads to look at Glimmer and then most of them see me standing next to her. They look at me like they’ve never seen anyone like me before.
But they have. They… they know Catra. Don’t they?
After a second a bunch of them step to the side, leaving a clear path in the middle of the room to a desk covered in papers and keyboards and big computer screens. Hunched over it, with hair falling out of her ponytail and a scowl on her face, is Adora.
She’s sorting through papers and standing behind her is the lady from the video who had the long purple pigtails and talked about science stuff. She looks at me and kinda freezes. Adora’s still looking at the desk.
Then the other lady’s hair reaches up and taps Adora on the shoulder.
She lifts her head and looks back at pigtail lady. “What? Entrapta you’re the one who—”
Entrapta, I guess that’s her name but it sounds a lot like a Lizardfolk name and she’s obviously an Etherian, grabs Adora’s chin with her hair and turns her head so she’s looking right at me.
Adora stops talking. Her entire body freezes and she drops all the papers in her hand.
After almost two whole seconds she takes a shaky breath and her shoulders shake. “Finn?”
My tail, that was slowly whipping back and forth with anxiety, sticks straight out. All my fur is standing on end and my ears are lying flat against my head. I feel like cold water was just poured over my head.
Her voice is really soft, like she’s hopeful and excited but also scared. I think I feel the same way.
I don’t know what Finn is, but the way she said it makes me think it’s a name. Maybe… maybe she thinks it’s my name?
Glimmer puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “Adora, this is—”
Glimmer doesn’t finish. Adora pushes past Entrapta and runs toward us. She’s not very far away, but she runs as fast as I think she can.
The kids at the Home always said I spooked easy. And I’m already terrified of the warm and burning feeling in my chest.
Before Adora can get to us I’m climbing up onto Glimmer’s back, ignoring her yelps as my claws dig into her skin.
Adora stops about three feet away, her eyes wide and her arms out, like she wants to grab me and pull me off Glimmer’s back. But she doesn’t. She just drops her arms and her eyes get wet.
I glare at her from just above Glimmer’s shoulder.
This lady makes me feel safe. She makes me feel warm. And the way she’s looking at me makes me feel… something. And I don’t know what that something is. But I do know that being safe and warm don’t last.
“You’re…” she swallows, and I lift my head a little higher. She sounds really sad, and it’s making me sad. “You’re Finn, aren’t you?”
I’m not gonna start leaking—crying now. I’ve spent the last two years as a village rat. I won’t cry just because a pretty and nice stranger is.
Not that I know she’s actually nice, I remind myself. But I feel it. I feel it in my bones.
I stick out my lower lip. My tail is whipping back and forth fast. Slowly I lift my hand and I use the tip of my claw to tap Glimmer on the shoulder.
She turns her head a little, barely meeting my eyes. “Yes?”
I shoot Adora another scowl and hold my hand up to Glimmer’s ear so no one will hear what I’m saying.
“What’s a Finn?” I whisper and Glimmer laughs a little.
“I probably should’ve told you before we got here…” she shakes her head and covers my hand with hers. My fingers twitch. “Finn is the name of Adora’s child. They went missing almost 8 years ago.”
I blink, and when I look back at Adora she looks like she’s going to start crying any second.
I lean into Glimmer’s ear again. “But I’m a magicat. Adora’s not a magicat.”
She nods, moving her arms. She very slowly pulls me around to her front, holding me up. “No, but Adora’s wife is.”
I retract my claws from Glimmer’s shirt and mutter a soft apology. She shrugs and I wrap my arms around her neck to hold on tight.
I don’t know why I’ve decided to trust Glimmer, especially since I thought she sounded too nice. But I think it’s because she smells sweet and she sparkles like stars. Sweets were so rare in the Home, I’ve only had honey twice in my life. And I look at the stars with longing, but I’ve only been in the stars once. Glimmer reminds me of my dreams.
But Adora is warm, and safe. I take a subtle sniff of the air and flinch. There are so many people, so many smells… But there’s one that smells… almost like me.
I’ve been warm, I spent so many days with friends under the desert sun and cuddled up in bed together at night. I’ve been safe, knowing every day that I would eat and have blankets and pillows… Those things scare me so much more than the stars and honey does.
Adora makes a weird noise and I look at her face again.
Adora’s hair is a lot like mine. It’s blonde too, and kinda wispy, but there’s so much of it. Just like me. And her eyes are blue, like mine. At least I think mine are blue. That’s what others have told me, and I haven’t seen a mirror in a while.
Slowly I pull my hand away from Glimmer’s neck. I tap her shoulder again. I point to the floor and she sets me down. I unwrap my tail from her arm, which I didn’t even realize I’d done that, and take the end in my hand.
I stroke the tip and Adora makes that sound again.
When I meet her eyes I think about how her voice, crying, and the way the name Finn feels.
I remember the way I would sometimes think about my mother when I was small, and I always knew she would be pretty. Pretty and kind.
Adora’s pretty, even when she’s crying.
Which she is. She’s crying. A lot. But it’s quiet and she’s just waiting.
I take a step towards her. “Why do you think I’m Finn?” I ask, pinching the very fine hairs at the end of my tail.
She smiles, kinda. She’s still crying. “Um… you look like them. You have the same hair color. And…” she shivers, “you have the same blue eyes.”
I nod. That makes sense. Those were the same things I noticed about myself…
“And the same tail.”
I lift my head, meeting Adora’s soft expression. I realize that people don’t just look at anyone like that.
I almost don’t have the words for it, but I remember how it felt to see it.
I saw that look on mothers in the village when they would call their kids in at sundown. I saw that look on my friend 0599 from the home when she would talk about her parents who died. I saw it on people in the market and town square. But no one has ever looked at me like that.
No one’s ever loved me before.
Adora is looking at me like she loves me.
My heart feels big, like it’s gonna pound out of my chest. I point at the ground, and Adora slowly lowers herself to her knees.
I take a few steps forward, going slow. I’m worried my heart’s gonna burst. But when Adora is finally close enough, I stop.
I was one without home, I was a village rat, I was 0515, and now I am a nameless refugee. I have been so many different people, but…
I bite my lip. “I wanna be Finn.”
I throw myself at her, wrapping my arms around her neck and hugging her tight.
I’ve only done this a few times, so I don’t think I’m any good. I just know you’re supposed to hold on. So, I hold on.
It doesn’t take long at all. She wraps her arms around me too and puts her head in my shoulder. She squeezes me so tight, and she starts crying so hard she shakes.
I pick up the end of her ponytail and start stroking the end like I do my tail.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, and she shivers.
I press my cheek against her neck and water starts to burn in my eyes. “Are… are you really my mother?”
She nods and I feel her chin hitting the back of my shoulder.
“Hi.” I smile and rub my cheek against hers. I’m crying now too. But it’s good. It feels really, really good.
Adora laughs, and she almost chokes on it. “Hey, baby.” She takes a deep breath. “I’ve missed you so much.”