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"You're all dead," Rex said flatly, pretending that the painted montrals of his Commander weren't peeking at him from the other side of the LAAT/i's nose. He had to be hallucinating. The men weren't this dumb. It wasn't possible. "Skywalker's going to kill you all, and I'm not even going to argue him down."
"Why?" Greene looked confused. He had orange paint staining his red mohawk. "You didn't even look at it yet."
"I can see everything I need to. You can't use the Commander as nose art." Rex pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Why not?" Tup asked, glancing back and forth between the LAAT/i and Rex. "It looks just like her, except for the–"
"It's inappropriate," Rex said through gritted teeth. "Incredibly inappropriate."
"How so?" Vaughn popped up from the opposite side of the nose, covered in a concerning amount of orange and white paint.
"What do you mean how so?" Rex asked in disbelief. "She's our commanding officer! And she's sixteen!"
"So?" Greene asked, more confused by the second.
"The Wolfpack has General Koon on their larty," Tup pointed out.
"The 400th has General Fisto on theirs, too," Vaughn added unhelpfully.
Rex didn't want to see what they'd painted her doing. He closed his eyes and wondered how much trouble he'd get in if he just ordered the damn thing firebombed. "Get rid of it, now, before Skywalker sees," he commanded.
"Before I see what?" General Skywalker asked, approaching from the opposite side of the hangar. The subject of the men's spontaneous art project was trailing along behind him, humming happily and completely oblivious.
"Hiya, Rex!" she chirped and gave him a happy wave.
Skywalker glanced at her and pursed his lips.
Rex took a deep breath and stood at attention, ready to take his medicine. "It's not what it looks like, Sir. The men were just about to–"
"Is that me?" Ahsoka peered out from behind the General, visibly delighted. She clapped her hands with glee. "Guys! You shouldn't have!"
"You're right, Commander, they absolutely should not have. They were just about to wash it off." Rex shot a glare at the orange, pouting idiots behind him.
"Why?" Ahsoka looked crushed.
Fierfek, kid, you're really going to make me say it? "Because, Commander, it's not–"
"Wait." Vaughn bent over and started laughing hysterically. "I just realized– come look at the other side, Rex, it's not what you think."
"Unlike you three, I have no desire to disrespect my Commander," Rex growled, not moving.
"Well, I want to see." Ahsoka breezed past Rex and ducked his panicked grab.
"If that's what I think it is, you're all going to be scrubbing it off with your tongues," Skywalker muttered to Rex, crossing his arms and glaring at the LAAT/i.
Rex swallowed hard and bit down the snarky urge to point out that he probably didn't want their tongues anywhere near what they'd painted. The General didn't appear to be in the mood for sass. "I had nothing to do with this Sir, I assure you," he said steadily. "But as their Captain, I'll take responsibility."
"Mmhmm." Skywalker side-eyed him. "Yes, you will."
He'd been acting odd since Jesse had left for ARC training a week prior, suddenly very overprotective of his apprentice. He'd been lurking in the background of every room Rex and Ahsoka had found themselves alone in lately, constantly wearing a suspicious look.
He wasn't sure what he'd done to earn the sudden distrust. It stung a bit, he couldn't lie.
A peal of shocked laughter erupted from the other side of the LAAT/i and Ahsoka stumbled back into view with a hand on her chest, cackling so hard that she could barely draw breath. "It's beautiful," she wheezed, still bent over. "Don't you dare wash that off. That's an order."
"Commander," Rex began to plead, but she cut him off with a wave.
"Get over here and look," she grinned.
Rex lifted his chin and marched like he was going to his execution, feeling Skywalker's gaze on his neck like a sniper's eyes through a scope. Greene, Vaughn, and Tup stepped to let him pass, each wearing an identical smug expression that Rex wanted to smack off. He prepared himself to look at what they'd done to his poor little sister, and–
Oh.
He'd been traumatized by too much vulgar nose art from other battalions, he realized that now. He should have known that the 501st would never display her like that on their gunship. Some of the more overconfident shinies, maybe, but not Jaig Platoon.
Instead of the lewd pinup he'd been anticipating, the painted Ahsoka was fully clothed and stretched out on all fours, mid-scamper and swiping out with an arm that led to the forward cannon. A long, blue-striped tail that matched her lekku had been added to her rump, sticking straight up with little motion lines around it to indicate wiggling.
They'd painted Ahsoka as a tooka. She even had whiskers. Rex covered his mouth to stop the little aww that threatened to escape.
"Well now I have to look," the General grumbled, making his way around the nose. As soon as he saw it, he fell into the same pose as Rex. "That's adorable," he said faintly through his hand.
"Come on, Cap, you think that little of us?" Vaughn shook him, grinning. "That's our sister too, you know, even if you've got privileges."
"What privileges?" Skywalker immediately asked, his eyes darting between Rex and his Padawan.
"Yeah, what privileges?" Ahsoka asked, crossing her arms. Her stripes darkened.
"I, uh–" Vaughn glanced between the two awkwardly. "Ori'vod privileges? He's the only one allowed to boss you around."
"He doesn't boss me around."
"I don't boss her around."
Rex and Ahsoka glanced at each other and bit down their snickers.
The air around Skywalker seemed to darken. "It can stay," the General finally said, then motioned at Ahsoka to follow him. "Go clean up, boys, it's time for dance practice." He led her away, throwing one last suspicious look over his shoulder at Rex.
The men tossed their paintbrushes and spray cans aside and started to gather up their armor so they could head to the showers. Rex kept an eye on them as they worked, debating whether or not he should apologize for jumping to conclusions.
"We've got it from here, Captain," Tup said brightly.
Rex gave the three a final up-and-down before turning to follow General Skywalker.
"Told you it was a good idea to paint over the bikini," Greene whispered to Vaughn as he walked away.
Rex froze, horrified, and spun back around. "The what?!"
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