Work Text:
"I don't want to lose another friend."
The final blow delivered with such fierce agony by Arthur Pendragon himself. Merlin almost laughed. Almost dropped down to the stone floor and screamed broken amusement out through his broken ribs. All these years of denial, and Arthur found now the perfectly opportune moment to put their friendship out in the light. As a threat. Now when his father in all but blood was probably lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Now when Morgana was robbing him of everything good in the world. Now when he was at death's door, knocking, begging , to be let in. What good is giving yourself wholly when the object of your devotion refuses to be cared for? What good is a great King if he cannot view past his hubris? What good is their destiny if his loved ones suffer because of it? What good is he , if he cannot protect them?
So Merlin turned his face towards all that sunlight, who fixed him with something that was clearly intended to be stern. But Merlin could see the seams of the stone cracking, he could see the certain uncertainty writ as plain as daylight, the pity .
I don't want to lose another friend.
"You're a lesser man than I thought you were, Arthur Pendragon. And I'm not your friend." Merlin smiled, then watched with delight as the Golden King's eyes widened at the impact, watched his heart break, watched his pain flood in ocean spray, watched him keep his silence. Then walked away, with all the dignity he had left.
Stepping out of the light, shedding his shadow of ignorance, though liberating, was death by a thousand cuts. Especially after seeing the state of Gaius, who managed to convert the Catha to his favour even as he thrashed at the verge of sure death, and even more so seeing Alator on his knees, pledging allegiance, and yet Gwaine's simple act of being there for him, trusting and loving him without expectations, were enough to remind him of his true worth. He was Emrys for fuck's sake. He could achieve the right for his people to breathe with or without Arthur. He could lay siege on Camelot with the might of the druid and Catha lying scattered through all of the five kingdoms and beyond, but he wouldn't- he cared too much for Camelot, and loved her King far too much.This can't be helped, you see, for he was Merlin and this was Arthur.
Having healed Gaius, he hugged his mournful mentor goodbye, and went to walk out the same way he came in all those years ago. But when one was friends with the knights of the round table, this was easier said than done.
"I'm coming with you." Gwaine declared, after the gang had caught up to him just past the stables.
"Absolutely not." Merlin said, pinning the man he adored with a measured glare.
"When are we leaving?" Leon asked, as if that settled it, which no it absolutely didn't .
"I am leaving alone." Merlin snarled, though it might have been his cutest pout with the way the knights' gazes visibly melted .
"We're here because of you Merlin, every one of us." Mordred said, offering him a hug, which Merlin gladly accepted even in his annoyance.
"We're as loyal to you as we are to Arthur." Percival smiled, laying an absurdly heavy hand between his shoulder blades.
"But-" Merlin began what was sure to be an extremely sound sentence, potent with disarmingly valid points, but he was very rudely interrupted..
"You're a better knight than any of us here, Merlin. We would march into the end of the world if you only asked." Lancelot said.
"But Arthur needs you!" Merlin managed through unshed tears and an annoyingly dry throat.
"To hell with Arthur!" Gwaine winked, which invited a reproachful glare from Leon.
"He needs you more than he could ever need any army. He just doesn't know it." Elyan said, rubbing his brow in exasperation.
"I think it's time he found out." Merlin shrugged pointedly, throwing his arms out as if to physically back up his point.
"But this is not about Arthur." Lancelot said kindly.
"Everything I do is for him, Lance." Merlin admitted silently. "For seven years I have given my blood, sweat and tears for him, and he… Do you know how many times he's threatened to banish me? I'm so so tired." Punctuated with a poorly disguised sob.
"Princess did what again?" Gwaine asked in utter disbelief as Lancelot and Elyan visibly bristled.
He thought he heard Mor mutter something along the lines of stubborn fucking idiotic prat , but surely he must've misheard because the young knight was softer than a spool of cotton candy.
"Do not leave without saying goodbye, little one." Leon said, bending down just so to press a kiss into the warlock's hair. "Do not leave all that you've ever known because the King is too blind to see past his misplaced trust. At the very least, do not go alone."
This, Leon admitting Arthur's shortcomings is what prompted Merlin to delay. How could he leave without saying goodbye? He hadn't even told Gwen, and he could tell from Lance's eyes that he was hurt that Merlin was going to leave without a word, what about the flower lady down the street who always saved lavenders for him? Merlin had so many debts to pay in love. He cannot leave without apologies.
So he stayed for the evening, told everyone that mattered, but for Arthur, he wrote a letter. He spent the evening at Gwaine's, lying spread-eagled on the knight's comfy bed with his head in Leon's lap; Lancelot carding fingers through his hair and Gwen sharing her funniest memories as Elyan poured them all drinks, George dropping in to promise he'll make Arthur's life a living hell, Gwaine unabashedly falling asleep with his head on Merlin's chest and Mordred very obviously trying very hard not to cry and Percival simply lighting the whole room up with his laughter.
Then the door banged open, making them all jump, all except Gwaine, and Merlin, cocooned in their little shared embrace of warmth, the former too preoccupied with dreaming of cheese that tasted like apple pies and the latter too solid to give a damn other than to look over. Then the Sun stepped in and well, Merlin hadn't seen him in a couple days and you couldn't blame him for standing in front of a distraught Arthur, with no memory of having moved his legs.
Arthur's eyes were red, the bags under them prominent, his skin betraying an unhealthy ashen tinge. His red tunic was damp in places. Merlin wanted to ask him if he was alright, wanted to worry over him because that's what he's always done. He wanted to kiss the betrayal off the back of Arthur's throat. But he didn't. He swallowed every urge down and looked the King square in the eyes and offered nothing but silence. Then Arthur held up a piece of paper, and looked so furious as he demanded-
"What the hell is this?"
His voice broke, and it made Merlin's hair stand on end.
"Can't you read?" He gritted out.
Arthur stumbled a bit where he stood, like his knees weren't entirely to be trusted and he bizarrely pressed the palm of his hand to his side and exhaled forcefully, his eyes acquiring a clouded over quality, before coming alive with something again, tearing up and refusing to look at anything but Merlin.
"Sir Leon." Arthur rasped, without shifting his gaze from the warlock's concerned frown.
"Lord Agravaine is to be banished from Camelot and all her allied kingdoms for the foreseeable future, stripped of his title and his lands, part of which is to be given to Gaius to be overseen by yourself, and part to the crown. Is that understood?"
A shocked silence immediately enveloped the room, Merlin himself unable to believe what he was hearing and ogling at Arthur.
"Yes, Sire." Came Leon's confused but sure reply.
Arthur gasped, his other hand coming up curiously to press down on his side.
" Arthur- " Merlin said because whatever the hell - , and Arthur was still looking at him like he was heaven's light come down to bless the land, which was making him feel all sorts of things and rendering him extremely confused
"Are you alright?" Leon asked, his voice wavering a bit..
"What's wrong?" Gwaine demanded, as Merlin edged closer to try and pry up his tunic. The King refused his intent, but not his touch. He took Merlin's hand and placed it just above his heart, the weak rhythm of which alarmed the warlock, making him forget about recent orders and rifts, making his other hand come up to hold the King up as his knees finally gave out, begging him to tell what was wrong, but Arthur only looked at him, like he was the moon.
"My last order as King." Arthur stuttered, every occupant of the room rushing to the centre of the shockwave as both the King and servant toppled over, Merlin landing on his knees and holding up a grinning Arthur, the impact revealing the gaping stab wound he was trying so hard to subside.
"As of this moment, Merlin Emrys is heir to the throne." The King gritted out with all the grace he'd left.
Pure, incapacitating silence, that lasted but a moment.
"Is that understood, Sir Leon?" He stressed.
"Yes, my Lord." Leon confirmed, his voice breaking uncharacteristically in his desperation.
All of them were exclaiming rubbish, but Arthur only ever heard one voice.
"FuckFuckfuck. Arthur what- no.."
Eloquent as ever , thought the dying man.
"Just.. just hold me." He pleaded, because he could do that now. Kings could plead and press themselves against people they love, if death was a surety.
"No, Arthur. No. No. This is not happening. " Merlin cried, his tears hitting Arthur's face like rain, absolving him, baptising him, Merlin's shaking hands pressing down on the fire at his side.
"Always wanted you to be.. the last thing I saw." Arthur whispered, smiling despite the agony of the man before him, and the many hands that were fretting over him, voices calling his name. The inconsolable physician above him. He heard that lovely hitch of breath, closed his eyes for a moment of respite, then forgot how to open them; he was lifeless in Merlin's arms before he could tell him he loved him.
For a fraction of a second, everyone felt the same as Arthur. Still. Peaceful. Pallid. Then all hell broke loose. Merlin screamed out as the heartbreak hit him. He felt his limbs slacken under Arthur's dead weight and he felt pulled , the red string tied across his soul telling him to follow his King, like his absence had left a hole that only ever consumed. A black hole that still sung of its glorious days of golden corona.
No one moved, except for Leon, who reached out a shaking hand and pronounced the King dead, announcing the time of death. As if in tandem, alarm bells rang, they must have found the assassin's body by now, unmutilated and intact, honourable and clean, the way of their dead King. Gwaine's knees hit the floor in a resounding thud, Lancelot moving to comfort Merlin, Gwen and Elyan sobbing with their arms around each other, Percival and Leon looking struck, and Mordred looking for the world like he'd lost a father. Merlin refused to let go of his King, the last of his warmth still clinging onto his pale skin. And this, the lingering warmth from where Merlin's lips met the King's brow in a broken prayer is what bloomed as hope in the warlock's heart.
"TALIESIN!" A command if they've ever heard one. Blue smoke. Darkness. Then light. A stranger. A sorcerer.
"Emrys." Stood the wizened time traveller.
"Please." Merlin begged, even as the knights stood wary of the newcomer.
Taliesin knelt, almost reverentially near the broken King, then said,
"I've saved him once. And I'll do so again. You need only ask. He will be a thousand years yet."
Merlin's eyes broke into another bout of fresh tears. "Guide him to safety. Quickly."
The old man bowed his head and whispered something into the King's ear.
"He should wake up any moment now. But aren't they funny? Moments?" The sorcerer grinned, before pulverizing into the air.
When the blue smoke had faded again, the unfathomable happened.
"Merlin." Arthur said, then looked up, grinning mischievously, as if this was just another Thursday.
"Oh Arthur...Thank the Fallen Kings!" The warlock shuddered, cradling Arthur's face and kissing every inch of it, which only served to amuse the King further and source laughter out of him.
"Don't ever do that again." Merlin sobbed and Arthur only took Merlin's hand and pressed them to his lips.
"Why am I alive, Merlin?" He said.
"I have no fucking clue, Princess." Gwaine breathed, sitting himself down at Arthur's other side.
Nobody missed the panic in the former's eyes. Nobody missed the way his hands shook dangerously. Everybody was too relieved to care.
"He went crazy, didn't he?" Arthur asked Merlin, tilting his chin at a scowling Gwaine.
Merlin had eyes only for Arthur.
"No I was looking forward to Merls being King, actually." Gwaine chuckled, then ironically rested a worried hand at Arthur's neck.
The rest of the gang pooled around their King, their source of light, Gwen and Mordred both submerging Arthur in fierce hugs and the King uncharacteristically welcoming the affection.
Then Arthur looked Leon and Lancelot's way and saw that they too were crying, teased them a bit about it before getting up with relative ease and wrapping them both in bear hugs, extending an arm to Percival and Elyan as well.
That night, Merlin refused to leave his friend's side and for his part, Arthur never dismissed him. Merlin felt like death himself, and he had only watched. Here Arthur was, reviewing grain reports.
"Come on. Out with it. You look like someone died." Arthur said without looking over, disguising a chuckle as a cough.
"Oh don't mind my incessant existential crisis, Your Highness, I only had to watch you die in my arms, then come back to joke about it ." Merlin bristled, throwing himself on the King's bed.
Arthur looked his way, dumbly for 2 seconds, before smirking his aggravatingly perfect smirk.
"You were worried." He drawled.
And that did it. That really did. He would strangle Arthur Pigdragon to death with his scratchiest neckerchief.
"I thought I'd lost you, Arthur." He seethed, in response to which Arthur's smirk immediately dropped. "Do you know what it feels like," He continued in a quiet whisper "to watch the world end?"
Arthur immediately got to his feet, and so did Merlin, moving to leave and knowing full well he was spending the night in the cold stone hallway outside the King's chambers.
"Merls." Arthur tried but Merlin stubbornly turned away.
"Why did you name me heir to the throne, Arthur?" He asked instead.
Arthur only looped two arms around the warlock's turned back and pressed his nose into the back of his lovely neck.
"Because, Mer lin, you're the wisest, bravest, most noble man under the blue sky and there is no one I admire more. None I'd trust with my life and my people. You're the closest thing to my heart.." He felt Merlin's gooseflesh against his own heated skin, felt his shiver deep in his bones, felt his pulse quicken beneath his lips and felt the whispered ' Arthur ' reverberate in the swirl of his navel.
"And I'm a fool to not have seen it sooner and I deserve to burn in hell for everything I've put you through." He whispered, pressing a kiss against a red ear-shell, earning another full body shudder.
Merlin pushed back against him, resting his head on the King's shoulder and looking into Arthur's stormy eyes and seeing nothing but honesty and adoration.
"I'm sorry, Merlin." He said, and the crescent moon was once again envious of the smile sent his way.
"The letter." Merlin turned around to face his world. "I meant every word, and beyond." He asserted, bringing his palm up to lay along Arthur's neck.
"That you'd love me till your dying day?" The King asked in a broken whisper.
"Oh Arthur, I'd love you till the wake." Merlin beamed at him, his eyes prettified with stubborn tears.
"And, I you. Till the end of the world." Arthur smiled, the tip of his nose as red as his bleeding heart.
And when Merlin pressed closer to Arthur and took kiss after sweet kiss, like he was wine personified, he gave Arthur the stars.