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“Okay guys,” Tonny said, carrying a wooden tray with various ingredients for Bob to work his mixology magic. “I’m back. I couldn’t find any limes for the cocktails so I hope that lemons are fine.”
The bonfire was alight with chatter and dancing, and since this was the last day they were in this particular town, mostly everyone was in attendance. Even Sahed and Rainah had picked out a nook to nurse their drinks in, though it looked like they were just about to leave.
“Tonny!” Dotty popped up from her spot and trotted towards him, which he thought was a little overexcited for the occasion until she took the tray from his hands and leaned into whisper. “Look who decided to show up.”
“Oh, I already saw Sahed. I think he and Rainah are checking out for the night.” He looked past Dotty to confirm, and they were already making their way out, the latter giving Tonny a nod in farewell and the other not even bothering to acknowledge his presence.
“What? No, I mean-” She handed her lover the ingredient tray before grabbing the blonde by the color and whispering even quieter. “-your secret admirer!”
His heart skipped a beat, as it always did when someone mentioned Julia’s crush possible crush on him. “Where?” He whipped his head around.
Dotty grinned mischievously and hearing himself talk, Tonny realized he possibly came off too strong. He coughed. “I mean, why?”
“Kamille finally convinced her. They’ve just been talking, though. Maybe you can join the conversation?” Bob chimed in, starting to prepare the cocktails, and Dotty nodded furiously, pointing to where the two girls were.
They were in the grass, behind a log, the bonfire casting a grand shadow on both of their figures. Kamille had he legs criss-cross, and she was hugging a patchwork flower pillow tightly to her chest. Her usual aloof and far-away look in her eye was replaced with a sparkle of genuine interest, a look that seemed it was only reserved for a certain Ah’kon woman until now.
Julia, on the other hand, looked totally relaxed for what felt like the first time since she arrived. She was laying on her stomach with her hands propping her chin up and her legs in the air, slowly and absentmindedly kicking. Whatever she had just said resulted in her face curving into a smug smile and Kamille giggling.
Though the scene was adorable, a twinge of guilt ran up his neck when he thought about how long it took for Julia to be able to laugh and smile.
After relishing in the sight for a couple of moments, he turned his head back at the anticipating Bob and Dotty.
It would be nice to talk to Julia while she wasn’t on guard, Tonny thought. She was an interesting girl; rigid to a fault, easily flustered, somewhat similar to him in fact, but still brave and very loyal.
He couldn’t think of anyone he would have chased after a moving circus and get crushed by when he was still alive. Some of the circus members were a little put off by her aura, but they must have forgotten that she didn’t have a choice to be here. And yet she was still making the most of it, even in little ways.
Tonny wondered what her life was like before that had sculpted her to be so resilient.
Was that something he could just go up to her and ask about though?
Whether she had a crush on her or not (or if it was reciprocated on his end or not), being around him only made her anxious. There were some bright patches here and there where she would laugh at something he did or talk about work or tell a story, but they just weren’t there yet in their relationship. Their professional relationship. Yes. Professional work-related relationship.
He let a puff of air out (surely fanning the flames of suspicion from the couple) and shook his head. “No, let’s leave them alone. I think if we’re all up in her business like last time she’ll want to go back in her room.”
“Ah, so we’re luring her in slowly!” Dotty exclaimed excitedly and then saluted him. “Aye aye, captain!”
His face heated. “We’re not luring her into anything!”
“Suuure. Why don’t you try this?” Bob interrupted, handing him a glass with sea green iced concoction that somehow had a blinding glimmer, topped with a lemon slice.
—
Dotty yawned and stretched her arms. “It must be late. Everyone left,” she remarked after looking around.
Tonny took his eyes off his friend and looked around as well. The romp was a ghost of what it was hours ago, as was the bonfire that was now whittling out. He checked his watch and the early hours were crawling in. “Guess it’s time to check out then?”
“Yes,” she said, her and Bob both standing and collecting cups and Tonny grabbing an abandoned glass water bottle next to him to pour on the fire. The comfortable silence was interrupted, however, when the redhead stopped collecting and placed her finger on her chin. “Don’t think I saw the girls go to bed.”
Bob held out a tray to place the glasses on. “I didn’t either.”
“We’re right here!” sounded a tenderly tired voice from behind.
They all spun around and saw Kamille with tired eyes, resting her head on her arm, and sporting a small wave, but the brunette was nowhere to be found.
She blinked. “Oh. She’s down here sleeping,” she said, picking up on their confusion.
He walked closer to their spot to see and was glad he did because if he thought she was at peace before, that was nothing compared to this. Julia was curled up on her side, arms and legs partly tucked, her braided hair now loose and splayed beneath her.
Tonny tried to fight the dopey grin that was undoubtedly forming; his heart was going to melt if he looked at her any longer. Warmth spread on his face. “It’s time to go back in. Can you wake her up real quick?”
He heard Dotty and Bob chuckle.
“No can do,” Kamille said bluntly, standing up. “She’s impossible to wake up once she starts sleeping. Also impossible to get her to stop talking once she starts.”
“Ah. Maybe we could…” He clicked his tongue and turned to his friends for help, only to be greeted by two faces plotting.
“Why don’t you carry her back to her room? Does that sound good? Good! Sweet dreams you three!” Dotty practically sang while pulling her husband away in a swift movement.
There was a brief moment of silence before Kamille stepped over the log and headed towards to door without a word.
“Where are you going?!”
“I can’t lift her up,” she said like it was obvious, which it indeed was. “Maybe I could drag her though.”
She placed her hand on her chin like she was genuinely considering it, but the image of Julia’s head bonking on the staircase into the circus unbeknownst to her freaked Tonny quite a bit. “No, that’s okay. I’ll carry her.”
He stepped over the log and stood over her resting body with his hands on his hips and his lips pursed. He knew how to carry someone- whether it was one of his drunk friends being slung over his back, or a circus-goer who was injured and needed to be fetched to the infirmary- but this wasn’t just anyone. She was precious cargo.
Her hair was so pretty when it wasn’t in a braid. She had an ear piercing, but with no earring to fill it in sight, probably to fit the dress code in her village factory. Her fingers had bandages on them, bandages she didn’t need mind you, so she must have wrapped them on her temporary puppet-making wounds out of mortal habit. A girl who was stubborn in her old ways, which was something others in the circus found offputting, but he found it to be a rather refreshing reminder of his roots.
Her lips were the perfect shape.
Okay, no no, no more looking at his employee’s lips. He bent down, sliding one arm under her knees and the other on the small of her back. Lifting her up was not difficult, as even though he was no Bob, he was pretty sturdy from all of the running around and menial tasks that required some strength.
Despite his supposed sturdiness, his knees felt weak. Julia was so, so close to him, her forehead head nestled in the crook of his neck, he felt her taking tiny breaths, skin on skin. Her scent was of faint floral, clean.
Tonny tried tethering himself back to reality to ensure they both wouldn’t fall (and because God he felt like such a pervert for mentally noting the way she smelled).
“Are you coming?”
The ringmaster turned around with Julia in his arms, seeing Kamille standing in the staircase doorway, waiting for them.
“Ah, sorry, I thought you already went up,” he said, making his way toward her.
She shook her head, “Have to make sure you won’t do anything unsavory.”
An awkward noise escaped Tonny’s mouth. “I’m sorry, I would never do anything like that. No one at the circus wants to hurt her,” he asserts, being reminded of a time when the same thing had to be said to her best friend in a panic.
They were halfway up the stairs when she spun around with her arms crossed, her brows furrowing her big eyes, and her usually lackadaisical and calm aura replaced with something interrogative.
“Plip and Plop told me that you like Julia.”
He involuntarily sighed, it would almost be cute that she was investigating for her best friend if he wasn’t a little tired of hearing about it (when he didn’t know how he particularly felt about her).
“Well?”
“I don’t know.”
Her nose scrunched.
“Dotty just says that to tease me for being a little inelegant.”
Her nose scrunched even more.
This was getting a little pathetic. Tonny did not want to spend a lot of spare time thinking about Julia, and he probably couldn’t if he wanted to due to his busy schedule, but it always left him exasperated in moments like this when he was getting confronted about it directly. Whether that confrontation was a playful comment from his redhead treasurer, her best friend not letting him pass her until she got the answers she wanted, or the surprisingly simple desire to make sure the new girl was okay and happy as she could be able to muster in a place she didn’t want to be. The simple desire to make the circus she wanted to be in, even if it was just being her friend.
Tonny looked down at Julia. She had a faint, warm smile. He wished he could see her like this all time.
He didn’t know Kamille very well, but maybe it would be okay to be a little vulnerable with her. Especially because his arms were getting a little tired. But it had on the fly- because though he certainly had a lot of feelings about her, the words needed to say it out loud weren’t quite as graceful.
He looked back up and took a deep breath in. “Julia used to follow me around so Dotty thought she had a crush on me. It made me notice her a little more and I think…”
“You think you like her back or something like that?”
He nodded.
Kamille turned back around so their trek to their dorm could finally continue. As candid as ever though, she declared, “I don’t think she has a crush on you. She’s into bad boys. You’re, like, a little puppy. You’re also her boss.”
A laugh escaped him just as they arrived at their room. “Aren’t you Rainah’s assistant? She’s your boss then too.”
The costume designer gasped and pointed at him. “That’s totally different!”
“Yes, my bad.”
She exhaled in defeat and her usual, more doe-like visuals overtook her. “I don’t want to be in Jules’ business, but ever since her birthday, I’ve been worried about her… wanting to stick around. If you know what I mean.”
Tonny nodded, that same thought had crossed his mind too. If he wasn’t contractually obligated to end her time at the circus when she desired, he doesn’t think he would have the strength to do it (if that’s what her contract even entailed, he wouldn’t know).
“You’re not a bad guy. At least, Rainah doesn’t think so. Please don’t hurt her.” She went into their room and grabbed a pile of clothes from the dresser. “I’m going to the showers, she sleeps in the bottom bunk. Do not do anything .”
“Of course not,” he smiled as they squeezed past each other in the doorway.
Walking up to her bed, and being in her room alone, all felt too intimate. He ought to make this quick.
A bit awkwardly, he used his boot to flip the comforter over, and even more awkwardly, he tried to slide Julia in between the comforter and the bed. She snug in between the sheets, and folded it back over, took what he thought was his last look at her (and reveled at the odd and twisting feeling in his stomach), turned his back to her and started going on about his way to his own chambers.
“Tonny,” a familiar golden voice from behind him sounded, stopping him dead in his tracks His heart felt like it grew twice in size, hearing Julia’s voice say his name. But the passion was quickly replaced with the fear that he had made her uncomfortable. It was rather suspicious looking- her boss, as Kamille so kindly put it, tip-toeing out of her room after she had just been unconscious. He wasn’t going to be a coward though, so he turned around in the doorway, already prepared with an explanation.
But instead of the horrified brunette sitting up in bed, clutching her metaphorical pearls, she was fast asleep still, her warm smile from earlier replace with forlorn, clutching her pillow. This must be the sleep talking that was mentioned earlier.
Why was she saying his name? Was she dreaming about him? He tugged at his collar, his throat felt dry.
“I’m sorry.”
Those words hit like a train. What she was sorry about, he didn’t know, but her tone was heartbreakingly desperate and suddenly he felt like an intruder. He shouldn’t be around to hear this, he decided, but still couldn’t help but wait for a few moments when the sorrow left her face and she continued to mumble this or that.
Tonny gave her one last glance before finally returning to his own bedroom.
He wasn’t one to remember his dreams, but that night there were flashes of icy blues, wood shavings on the floor, oversized dress shirts, and the golden hilt of a knife.