Chapter Text
Abby and I spent the rest of the evening devouring half of her mom’s lasagna and talking about her latest obsession. I wasn’t ready to process all that happened earlier so stuffing my face with layers of pasta and cheese while talking about pretty boys with wings was exactly what I needed.
“Tell me everything, but no spoilers!”
“You realize that’s impossible, right? The best I could do with that is ‘stuff happens’.”
“There’s a happy ending, right?”
“This series isn’t finished yet so I can’t say for sure. I’m pretty sure the fangirls would riot if anything bad happened to any of the characters. Well, maybe not the guy who just got stabbed,” I replied, taking another bite of lasagna.
“It’s not done!? How many books are there?” Abby demanded.
“Six so far. They get steamier as the series goes on, too. The sixth one is my favorite.”
Abby clapped her hands excitedly. “Ooh, yes. Love spicy fantasy! I’m so happy to have someone to talk about books with. The boys don’t like romance in their books, so they never read the same things I do.” She set her fork down with a happy sigh. “I give up. I haven’t had Mom’s lasagna in forever. It’s a pain in the neck to make so she only makes it for special occasions.”
“Well, then, I feel honored,” I said with a small smile. “I have no idea how I’m going to repay everyone for their kindness.”
“Don’t worry about it. Just contribute to the collection for the next person. That’s how it works.”
I took one last bite before also conceding defeat. I’d taken a dose of medicine before we sat down to eat so my head was feeling much better. The drink mix Harvey sent was a little salty, but it wasn’t awful. I was on my second bottle of the stuff by the time we finished eating.
“You’re looking so much better. I was standing outside with Sterling when Marlon and Linus brought you down off the mountain. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but Sterling really freaked out when he saw you. He was convinced you were dead, and to be honest, so did I. You were so pale and there were so many bruises.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe he’s doing something so stupid.”
“Me either, but I really don’t want to talk about him or his problems right now.”
“Heard. What do you want to do? Movie marathon? Binge watch trashy reality TV or Queen of Sauce episodes?”
I would have to deal with Sterling eventually. I knew that. I just couldn’t do it tonight. My emotions were all over the place and I wanted to make sure that whatever decision I made came from a place of calm and logic. I had to ensure that I didn’t do or say anything that would push Sterling further down the wrong path while also protecting my peace. I had done a pretty shit job of that lately.
“I want to sit on the couch, drink tea, and talk about all our book boyfriends. Wait until I tell you about the hot baker with magic powers and his even hotter ex-Navy Corpsman turned EMT best friend…who also has magic powers.”
“Tell me everything, but – “
“No spoilers, I know. C’mon. I splurged on some Earl Grey from my favorite tea shop in ZuZu City and I have been dying to make a pot.”
I forgot to change my alarms on my phone, so I was rudely awakened at 6am by the sounds of an electronic rooster. My headache was completely gone, but my ribs were still sore. I had half a mind to get dressed and start work on the farm, but I’m fairly certain Abigail would tie me to a chair if I tried.
We’d stayed up until well past midnight talking about books, boys (and girls, surprising the shit out of me, but not in a bad way), and just about anything that wasn’t Sterling or his handsome face with his puppy dog eyes the color of sapphires, his auburn hair streaked with copper that glistened in the summer sun, his broad shoulders, his biceps defined by the heavy lifting that came from farm chores and stocking shelves, his goofy smile, the scar on his lip, the earrings…
“Ugh! Why am I like this?” I moaned, pulling the covers over my head.
Rather than lay there and wallow in my own self-pity, I decided to get up and take a shower. A cold one. To shut off my brain.
I knew I couldn’t keep putting my head in the sand when it came to all that happened yesterday. Running away and avoiding the problem would only make it worse. I knew that. I just didn’t know if I was ready to make the decisions that I needed to. Everything would change no matter what I did.
The front door of my cabin was standing wide open when I stepped out of my steamy bathroom. Sam and Sebastian stood on my front porch, both staring at the back of my couch, a confused look on their faces.
“Uh, hi? Something I can do for you boys?”
“We brought the box from East Scarp,” Sam said sounding distracted.
“Thank you? Why is my door open?”
“Abby. We knocked, she came to the door, mumbled something, and then went back to the couch,” Sam replied. “I don’t think her eyes were even open.”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “She hasn’t had her coffee yet. She’ll be human again in no time. Do you want to come in?”
“Yeah, sure.”
Sebastian set a medium-sized banker’s box on the kitchen table and sat in one of my chairs. He still hadn’t said anything, but then again, he looked like he was still half asleep. I shook my head as I filled my electric kettle with water. All I had was instant coffee, but it would still get the job done.
“I know you didn’t get up at the ass crack of dawn just to bring me a box of goodies. What brings you out my way?” I asked as I looked in my ice chest for something to serve for breakfast.
“Mom and Demetrius,” Sebastian said miserably.
“What do your parents have to do with the price of peas in Grampleton?”
“I got voluntold to come help you with your farm chores. And he’s not my parent. He’s just the dude Mom married.”
“My bad. That explains why Sebastian is here. Sam, blink twice if Sebastian kidnapped you. I can get you to safety.”
Sam laughed. “Nah. This idiot decided that if he had to be up at this unholy hour, I did too. He threw rocks at my window until I woke up. And I don’t mind. Music is my passion and I want to make a career out of it, but I know it’s a long shot. If I can’t be a rockstar, maybe I can be a farmer.”
The trio had played a small set at the Luau on the beach earlier this summer. They hadn’t had a lot of time to practice, but they still sounded good. With a little time and polishing, they could really make a go of it.
“I get having a backup plan, Sam number 1, but don’t sell yourself short.”
“Aw, shucks. You’re gonna make me blush,” he said, lowering his gaze.
I set a coffee mug in front of Sebastian and nudged his arm with my elbow. “They have these things called cell phones, ya know. You didn’t have to throw rocks at Sam’s window.”
“He keeps his phone on Do Not Disturb like a savage.”
“Who’s gonna call me overnight? My mom and brother are in the house with me. You rarely get out of bed before noon, and Abby would rather die than talk to someone on the phone. If it’s an emergency, Mom’s number is the one on the phone tree, not mine.”
“Do I smell coffee?” Abby mumbled from the couch.
“Welcome back to the land of the living, Abs. There’s coffee and I think I can make omelets. No promises that they won’t be a little burnt. I’m still not great in the kitchen.”
Abby shuffled into the kitchen, her purple hair a disheveled mess around her head. She took the coffee mug I offered with a mumbled word of thanks before giving Sebastian a quick peck on the lips and breathing in the steam wafting off the cup.
“Heaven,” she whispered before taking a sip.
“At least her eyes are open now,” Sam said, taking a drink from his own cup and wincing.
After breakfast, I showed the boys where I kept my farm tools and gave them a quick rundown of everything that needed doing. As we wandered through the fields, a sense of calm settled over me. I trailed my fingers over bright pink melons and breathed in the spicy scent of summer spangles and the earthy aroma of my tomato plants. I plucked a plump, juicy blueberry off the bush and popped it into my mouth, the sweet juice exploded on my tongue.
This. This is where I needed to keep my focus. These plants, I grew them from seed. I kept them watered, I pruned back the leaves and branches that no longer served the plant. I planted flowers to bring in bees to pollinate, I researched and used the best fertilizers to amend the soil to give each plant a fighting chance. This place where I spent my childhood summers, where my family put down roots. This farm was in my blood, my soul, my fucking DNA.
I needed to make this place work. I let myself get distracted from my main purpose. I came here to break my chains, to reinvent myself, to become who I was always meant to be. I made promises to myself when I got here. I made rules. Work hard, prove everyone wrong, and never fall in love.
Sterling was…Sterling was a wonderful, beautiful, broken disaster. I wanted to be his more than I wanted my next breath. But…the trust between us was broken. I knew it wasn’t really him. It was his disease. Trust was incredibly important to me, especially after Amber. You can’t un-ring a bell and this one was echoing all over the damn valley. Sterling had crossed a major boundary and there was no coming back from that. Not as he was. If he got better, truly better, maybe.
No. There won’t be any recovery from this. I might be able to forgive him, but he won’t be able to forgive me for what I’m about to do.
“Hey, you good?” Sebastian asked, raising his eyebrow in concern.
I wiped my cheeks and smiled a watery smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just…overwhelmed, I guess?” I sighed. “You guys got this?
Sam adjusted his sunglasses and nodded. “For sure. You go park it on that gaudy-ass crystal chair on your front porch and leave the farming to us.”
Watching Sebastian getting chased around the animal paddock by four very angry chickens was probably the highlight of my day. I was feeling so much better by the time the crops were harvested that I could have easily taken care of my chickens, but a dark glare from Abigail had kept me pinned to my chair. I’d warned him that they’d probably be mad that they hadn’t been let out yet, but, clearly, he didn’t listen.
“Call off your dinosaurs!” Sebastian cried, jumping up onto the first rung of the wooden fence that surrounded the paddock.
“They’re chickens, Sebastian! They’re not trained attack dogs! I would have a better chance getting Alex to stop doing burpees on the beach!” I called back once I’d stopped laughing.
Sam used the fact that his best friend was in mortal peril to sneak into the coop and collect the eggs. He almost made it back to the gate with a full basket before Curry, the leader of the pack, caught his scent. They shifted their focus to the stealer of their young and moved to attack. Sam squeaked and took off at a run.
I sat back and sighed. “I thought I would be bored out of my mind just sitting here, but those boys have literally made my day. They did a really great job.”
Abby slid her sunglasses down her nose and adjusted her giant sun hat. “I honestly thought they’d give up halfway through. I’m proud of them.” She took a long drink from a bottle of lemonade. “How are you feeling?”
“Oh, I’ve been back to 100% for a couple hours now.”
She shook her head. “That’s not what I meant.”
I picked a piece of nonexistent lint on my denim shorts and shrugged. “Kind of? I know what I have to do. I just don’t want to.”
“He asked about you.”
I met her gaze. “Where did you see him? I thought he was off today.”
“He is. Mia sent him to the store to pick up ingredients for dinner. Honestly, I think she probably just wanted him out of the house. He was…twitchy.”
Abby had declared that she was going to be staying with me for a few days, so she’d headed home to pack a bag and get a bunch of junk food for movie nights. She’d been gone longer than I’d thought she’d be, but I just thought she needed to convince her parents to let her be away from home for that long.
“What did you say?”
“The truth, for the most part. I just said that you’re healing and taking it easy. He seemed genuinely concerned, for what it’s worth.”
It wasn’t worth much, but it still made my heart flutter a little bit. His heart was always in the right place. Too bad his brain didn’t follow along.
“What did you tell your parents?” I asked.
“About Sterling? Nothing. It’s not my story to tell. If he’s stupid enough to show up to work high, then that’s his own damage. There’s no reason to borrow trouble, right?”
That was probably for the best. If he was stealing pain pills, then whatever he’d gotten his hands on was probably gone. Unless he found something else to get his fix, he’d be detoxing pretty hard soon. That would be punishment enough.
“You know, I never thought I’d miss the city, but I would kill for a town big enough to disappear in right now,” I lamented.
“It won’t be so bad after a while. You can come into the store on Wednesdays and Sundays when Sterling isn’t around until it gets easier. And if you need something on any other day, just call me. You’ll have to take the long way around, but you can make it to Clint’s and the museum and avoid walking by Dad’s store. It’s going to suck for a bit, but you’ll be okay.”
“Yeah, sure, but that’s not what I meant. There’s anonymity in the city. No one knows your business. You can be going through hell, and no one pays attention. No one brings you a box of casseroles and gets all up in your face. You can just process without a bunch of sad looks and pats on the head.”
“That sounds lonely,” Abby said sadly.
“Maybe, but it’s what I’m used to.”
“Look, if you’d rather be alone and feel your feelings, just say so. I’ll spread the word around town for folks to just leave you be. But I think it’s a stupid move.”
I narrowed my gaze. “What do you mean by that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know what it’s like in ZuZu City, and, from the sounds of things, thank Yoba for that. But here in Pelican Town, we’re all family. We look out for one another, help each other. Take Haley and Emily for example. Their parents swanned off to Yoba knows where the second Haley turned 18. Sure, they get to live in the house and they send them money every now and then, but they haven’t been back to Pelican Town in years. Gus gave Emily her job at the Saloon, not because he needed the help, but because Emily needed the money. Gunther uses his contacts as museum director to help Haley sell her photographs. Mom and Jodi make sure they have food and Dad, Clint, and Willie help with any repairs that they need around the house.
“Haley may act like a colossal brat and turn her nose up at tater-tot hotdish or apple pie cheesecake, but I see the gratitude in her eyes when she thinks no one is looking. Emily plasters a smile on her face and talks about chakras and auras and throws crystals around like confetti, but I know she misses her parents. We all know…we just don’t say anything.” She picked up the handheld silk fan she brought with her and opened it with a snap. “We may know everyone’s business, and we may whisper behind closed doors, but in the light of the day, we take care of our own.”
“I don’t understand any of this. Like, okay, Haley and Emily were born here. They’ve been here their whole lives. It makes sense. Me? I’ve barely lived here for six months. I’m practically an outsider. Everyone in this town, with very few exceptions, treats me like…” I trailed off, looking for the right word.
“Family?” Sam suggested, wiping his brow with a faded red bandana. “It doesn’t matter where you came from, you’re here now.”
“You didn’t exactly have a nurturing childhood. It’s not surprising that you don’t understand. You can either wallow in self-pity and eat your weight in ice cream and chocolate, in solitude and misery, or you can let this town lift you up and help you carry your burdens for a little while. Up to you,” Abby said, fanning her face.
“Before this gets too philosophical, mind showing us what to do with all this stuff we harvested?” Sam asked. “The river at the edge of your property is calling my name. I can’t believe you do this shit every day. How are you not dead?”
I sent the boys home. They did all the hard work, the least I could do was sort through the produce they harvested. The choicest fruits would go into cold storage near the kegs to turn into wine. The mid-grade crops would go into the shipping bin to sell to Pierre. The rest I’d keep for myself.
Leave it to Abigail to put everything in perspective. I had been on my own, in one way or another, my entire life. Family, community, they didn’t exist for me. Until now. It felt weird because I had never had people to look out for me; to care about my wellbeing. My parents made sure my physical needs were met, but never my emotional needs. And Amber…well. That was an epic disaster from the jump. I was just so desperate for a crumb of affection that I’d blinded myself to all the bullshit until I couldn’t anymore.
Was that why I’d fallen so hard for Sterling? Was I still so desperate for fondness and warmth that I’d ignored his giant red flags? Maybe in part, but there was more to it. He made me feel…grounded. Loved. Seen. Sterling didn’t want anything from me other than me. He had no expectations of me. He didn’t want my money to fund his bullshit career. He didn’t want to live off my success. He wanted me to be happy and to succeed all on my own. He loved helping out on my farm and sharing music with me. He loved the same movies and TV shows that I did. He loved telling me stories and just spending time with me. He loved me.
And yet…
Despite all of that, there was something that he loved more and that was why I had to cut him off. I didn’t want to. The thought of telling him it was over…before it had even really began…felt like icicles in my blood. The bouquet I had bought for him was sitting in a mason jar of water on my bedside table. It hadn’t felt right to give it to him the night he told me about Kai and what brought him here to Stardew Valley. I couldn’t give it to him. I had gone against my own word. I’d told him to get out of his dogshit for himself and his own happiness and then turned right around, in almost the same fucking breath, and given him an ultimatum. The road to hell was paved in good intentions and I’d laid the final fucking brick. I thought I was giving him something to work toward. Instead, I’d pointed him right back to drugs.
“Yoba, I’m an idiot,” I muttered under my breath.
“No, you’re not,” Abby said, pulling me into a hug. “You meant well. And you’ll both heal. It might take a long time, but you’ll get there. The thing you have to decide is are you willing to wait for him to get through this?”
“I can’t wait forever, Abs,” I said, tears finally falling down my cheeks.
She squeezed me tight and let me go. “You won’t have to, hon. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but my dad and Sterling’s dad were BFFs back in the day. I knew the old Sterling…the Sterling before ZuZu City. That sweet, goofy kid who used to pull my hair and chase me around the town square but would also share his field snacks with me is still in there. We just have to wait for him to figure his shit out.”
I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and gave her a watery smile. “I love you, Abby. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you.”
“You haven’t, but I kind of figured. And I love you, too. Now, can we please go inside? I’m going to turn into a lobster if I stay out in this Yoba-cursed sun for a second longer.”
“I love this time of day,” I said with a happy sigh. “When the sun has just about set, and the fireflies start coming out –”
“And the mosquitos. Ugh!” Abby interrupted, smacking her thigh.
I laughed and shook my head. “We can go inside if you’re miserable.”
“No, it’s fine. You just need to invest in some citronella torches or something.”
“I’ll put it on my ever-growing wish list of things I need for the farm but can’t really afford right now.”
After an absolutely glorious afternoon of sitting on my couch reading books with a cheesy medical drama playing in the background, we decided that ice cream for dinner was the perfect way to end the day. It was Abby’s idea to sit on the front porch to watch the sunset. I had a feeling she would be miserable, but she insisted.
“You’ll get there. The town loves the fruits and veggies you sell. Your distillery will continue to grow and you’ll be selling wine all over the valley. You should talk to Marnie about ways of using your eggs besides just selling them. Dad pays her way more for her cheese than he does for her milk. And wine takes forever to make, but I’m pretty sure preserves take less time.”
I raised my right brow. “When did you get to be so smart?”
She stirred the remainder of her ice cream, her expression thoughtful. “I’ve always been smart. It’s just that I’ve been taking all these business management classes and really focusing on the economics of farming. I don’t want to be a farmer, but if I’m going to be stuck here in the valley, I might as well figure out ways to help the people who love the land. It’s all about finding the balance between making sure you get the most for your efforts while also making sure my business stays in the black.”
“I didn’t mean to imply…I’m sorry.”
“Nah, I knew what you meant.” She sighed, setting her empty bowl down on the porch. “I fought against staying here in Pelican Town. I didn’t want to take over my dad’s store. I wanted to join The Adventurer’s Guild and protect the valley. But it turns out I’m actually good at all this business stuff. So much so that Dad is actually starting to listen to me about some changes we should make to streamline some of the ordering processes. I dunno. Maybe I could be like Superman… mild-mannered shopkeeper by day, amazing superhero at night.”
“That’s more Batman’s thing, but yeah. I could see that,” I said with a small chuckle. “I’m still willing to teach you sword techniques if you’re still wanting to learn.”
“Ooh. Yes, please!” She slapped her arm again. “But maybe once Fall kicks off. I am going to need an entire vat of calamine lotion in the morning.”
I had made so many promises to Abby and never followed through thanks to Sterling. I’d done it again. I’d made him the center of my universe and pushed my friends’ wants and needs to the back burner. Was that just my curse? To lose myself in one singular person to the detriment of everything else?
Abby’s eyes went wide for a second before she cleared her throat and suddenly came to her feet. “You know what? I just realized that I didn’t tell my mom how to take care of my guinea pig. I’m just going to go inside and call her. You…you just stay here. I’ll be…right back.”
“Abby…what are you…?”
She didn’t answer me as she dashed inside the house. What in the world had gotten into that girl…
“Hey, Rosebud.”
Ice flooded my veins as my stomach did somersaults. I was sitting with my back to the road leading into town. Abby must have seen him walking up the road and made up some bullshit excuse to give us privacy. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss her or murder her.
“Sterling? What are you doing here?” I called over my shoulder.
“I just want to talk.”
Part of me wanted to tell him to go away. I didn’t want to have this conversation face-to-face. As cowardly as it was, I’d wanted to just say everything in a text. It was a shitty thing to do, I knew that, but I wasn’t sure I could actually go through with it if he was looking me in the eye.
“Well, since you walked all the way here, might as well take a seat,” I said, still not turning to face him.
When he came into the warm glow of my porchlight, I had to stifle a small gasp. He looked absolutely wrecked…worse than when I’d seen him at the clinic yesterday. He was wearing the same orange T-shirt and jeans he’d been wearing the day before and they were a wrinkled mess, like he’d slept in them. His cheeks were gaunt and his eyes were red and puffy like he’d been crying. My arms ached with the want to wrap him in a tight hug and tell him everything was going to be okay.
Stay strong…you got this…
He sat across from me with a groan. “Sometimes I forget how far of a walk it is from my house to yours.”
“It’s even worse when you feel like hot garbage, I’m sure.”
He chuckled humorlessly and raked his fingers through his hair. “You’re not wrong.” He sighed heavily. “Rosebud, I fucked up.”
I snorted and turned my gaze away from his. “No kidding. What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t. I honestly didn’t even know I had done it until I was halfway home with the bottle in my hand.”
And somehow that just made it worse.
“Sterling—”
“Hey now. What happened to ‘my heart’?” he asked sadly.
You broke it, dumbass. It’s in a thousand tiny pieces scattered between here and East Scarp.
“Sterling,” I stressed. He jerked like I’d slapped him. “I am…” I trailed off. It seemed wrong to say I was proud of him. He had made incredible progress, but he had slid so far off the rails he wasn’t even on the same track anymore. “I am just so damn tired.”
“Are you okay? Abby said you were healing, but if you need more time, I can come back.”
“Stop it,” I bit out, my stomach clenching.
“Stop…what?”
“Stop being so damn nice! I can’t be mad at you when you’re being so Yoba damned nice! Yeah, you fucked up. You fucked up so damn bad that there’s no coming back. And what’s worse is that I fucked up just as bad.”
He frowned, his eyebrows coming together. “You’re not making any sense.”
“Maybe it would make more sense if you were sober,” I snapped.
“Hey! That’s not fair! I am sober! I haven’t had a drink in weeks.”
“Yeah? When was the last time you had any pills?”
His eyes filled with guilt, and I had my answer. I sighed heavily and leaned against the porch railing, closing my eyes. Yoba, this was hard.
“You keep jumping from one tub of dog shit to another over and over. You left ZuZu City and your shitty friends and then fell in with Shane, who reminded you of them. You gave up drugs and started drinking. Then you stopped drinking and started the drugs again. Lather, rinse, repeat.”
“I’m trying, dammit!” he barked, his voice dripping with frustration. “You aren’t making this easy. You blow hot and cold all the fucking time. I never know what to expect with you! You tell me I can’t kiss you until I’m sober, then you practically fuck me in front of your friends. Your moods are all over the fucking place. I can’t keep up. It’s no wonder I need something to take the edge off.”
My eyes snapped open. “Excuse me? You are not going to put this all on me. I fully accept that what I did on your birthday was fucked up and I have been kicking myself all day over it. And I will accept that giving you an ultimatum was a shitty thing to do since I’ve been preaching that you needed to make good choices for yourself. But I didn’t put those pills in your hand. That was your choice. You and you alone.”
Sterling crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want from me? I’m doing my best.”
“I told you the other day that I wanted honesty from you.”
“I haven’t lied to you. Not since I told you about the shots. I’ve been nothing but honest.”
“No, you haven’t. A lie of omission is still a lie. If I hadn’t figured it out, would you have told me that you’d started back on the drugs?”
Yoba…this wasn’t going the way I wanted it to. This would have been so much easier via text.
“I can quit any time I want. I did it before. I’ll do it again.”
“If that were true, why did you steal those pills from me?” I asked softly.
He inhaled sharply through his nose. “That’s a low blow.”
“So was breaking my trust, but here we are.”
He looked so damn lost and afraid, just like he did the night he told me about Kai. This was too much. I wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and force feed him chocolate milk and cookies for the rest of his life. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest it physically hurt. He needed me and I was being such a bitch…
No. Sterling needed to learn how to stand on his own two feet. He needed to make decisions for himself and not for how it would make others feel. And I needed…him.
“Sterling, I think we need some time apart,” I said with little conviction.
“What? No. You can’t be serious, Rosebud,” he begged, coming to his feet. “Tell me you’re joking.”
“I’m serious. I can’t be with you right now. I have my reasons and not all of them are your fault.”
“Give me a list. I will fix or remove every single thing preventing us from being together. I can’t do this without you. You know that. You said…you said you wouldn’t leave me.”
Every word felt like a punch to the gut. There was such desperation and despair in his voice. I hated every single thing about this. This was for the best. It hurt like a bitch, but I could do this.
“I’m sorry. But this…this is too much. You’re too much. You’re too overwhelming, too exhausting. I can’t focus on myself and my dreams if I’m constantly watching over you.”
Tears dripped off my chin and splashed on my chest. Yoba, I had cried so much in the last few months. And every single tear had Sterling’s name on it. I was just so battered and bruised inside. I needed a break. I needed a chance to breathe and focus on something other than this sexy marshmallow and all his problems.
He scoffed. “Here I am at my worst and you’re just walking away? How selfish can you be?”
“Selfish!? You fucking steal from me and I’m the one being selfish?” I shouted, coming to my feet.
“Yes! Selfish and scared. You’re so scared that I’m going to turn into Amber and treat you like shit. Guess what? I’m not her.”
“No shit! I know you’re not her. But for the love of fuck, Sterling, I can’t do this anymore! I can’t keep making decisions based on you and your wants and needs. Fall will be here in little over a week and instead of focusing on what I need to do to be ready for the new season, I found myself thinking about how I could arrange my planting and harvesting to make sure you had support. I was giving up pieces of myself again, something I swore I would never do again.”
“So that’s it then,” he said, his voice icy. “Kicking me to the curb when I need you most.”
"It's not always about you!" I cried, my throat hoarse from the tears. "This is about me and what I need. And right now… I need you to go."
"Rosebud, wait, I--"
"I said go, Sterling. Walk away before I do something we'll both regret."
He took a half step toward me, tears streaking down his face. I recoiled, wrapping my arms around my middle. He wasn’t getting it. I was trying to shoulder most of the blame. I wanted to make this about me so he wouldn’t turn to substances to make himself feel better.
"Is this really what you want?" he whispered.
"Yes," I hissed, throwing as much vitriol as I could behind the word.
"All right then. See ya, around, Samantha."
I didn't turn to watch him leave. He'd called me by my name. Not Rosebud. Not hot stuff. My name.
Abby cracked the front door and stuck her head out. “Are you all right?”
I shook my head.
“Do you want a hug, or do you want to be left alone?” she asked, opening the door wider.
“If you hug me, I might shatter.”
I don’t know if I’d done the right thing. I should have talked to Harvey or Henry or Mia before I did this. He was probably on his way to The Stardrop to get blackout drunk or something worse. Just because it was difficult to get your hands on something didn’t mean it was impossible. Castle Village wasn’t that far of a drive.
“Abby, I think I fucked up.”
She leaned against the door frame. “Maybe. Emotions were running high, and you both said some pretty awful things. I don’t know how this is going to play out for him, but you…you’re going to be okay. You’re going to hurt for a bit, but you’ll be all right.”
I wiped my eyes on my shoulders. “What if I pushed him toward—”
“Stop. Whatever Sterling does from this point forward is not your problem. He is an adult. I don’t know about this whole dogshit thing you were talking about, but I think…I think he needed this. I think this, you breaking up with him, is his rock bottom. He’ll either rise above or he’ll crash and burn. But you can’t worry about that right now.”
I shook my head. “Can I have that hug now?”
“Of course. And then we can break out that Pink Cake that Mia baked for you and watch scary movies.”
“Deal. Thanks, Abby.”
“Don’t mention it. Now come here. We’re letting bugs in.”