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Chapter Text

Thunder cracked and I jumped, nearly dropping my hoe. I turned my gaze toward the deep grey sky and swore under my breath. I had hoped to have the new field plowed and seeds planted before the storm hit. 

Yet another wasted day in the Yoba-cursed valley. Never fucking fails. 

With a heavy sigh, I stored my tools in the small shed that Robin had finished building yesterday and made my way toward the tiny cabin I called home. My mother’s voice echoed in my ears with every step. 

“You? A farmer? Please. I grew up on that farm. You’ll be back in the city before Winter 1, I guarantee.”

“Yeah, fuck you, too, Mom,” I muttered. 

I checked the chest in the corner to see what seeds I had available for the new plot. I had spent the first few weeks of Spring breaking up clumps of weeds in hopes of harvesting some wild seeds. How weeds could produce harvestable crops I would never understand.

Probably that grumpy-ass wizard in the tower near Marnie’s. He’s probably to blame for the weird weather too. 

A few packs of parsnips, two packs of cauliflower, and three wrinkly seed potatoes stared back at me from the depths of the chest. 

“Damn. I guess I ran out of wild seeds. Do I even have enough Gold for seeds from Pierre’s?” I asked out loud. 

Molly, the bright orange tabby cat I had rescued with Marnie’s help, paused in her grooming to give me a quizzical “Mrow?” 

“And a treat for the best mouser in Stardew Valley,” I said, reaching over to give her a few scritches behind her ears.

I pulled out my small money pouch and counted my coins. It wasn’t much, but I should be able to get some more parsnip seeds at the very least. I don’t know who’s buying all these parsnips from Pierre’s but they’re single-handedly keeping me in business.

I changed out of my work clothes and put on one of the few pairs of jeans that wasn’t covered in mud and fertilizer, and a black T-shirt. I checked my reflection in the dingy mirror I kept over the bathroom sink for mud streaks on my freckled cheeks. Seeing nothing that didn’t scream “She’s been playing in the dirt all day” I grabbed my backpack off the hook by the door and headed out for Pelican Town.

Another loud crack of thunder followed a bright flash of lightning. Not for the first time I wished I hadn’t sold my car. Literally everything was within walking distance, and if it wasn’t, I could get a ride from Sebastian. I didn’t need that stupid money pit anymore, but on days like today with buckets of rain falling from the sky, made me long for a vehicle of some kind with a roof. 

Fat raindrops pelted my head as I walked the trail between Roseville Farm and Pelican Town. When I’d dropped by the local Joja Mart to see if it was just as soulless as the ones in Zuzu City, there had been a cheerful display of umbrellas near the door. It made me sick to my stomach to even think about spending money at Joja, but I would literally kill for an umbrella right now.

By the time I made it to the town line, I was soaked to the bone and my shoes made a horrible squelching sound every time I took a step. 

I may have to swallow my pride and just buy a damn umbrella from Joja. Pierre didn’t have any the last few times I’ve asked about them. Shit. Maybe I can commission Emily to make me one? Pink to match my hair. With teal polka dots. 

“Samantha? What are you doing here in the rain!?”

“Hey, Abby. Just out for a stroll,” I said, a small smile on my lips. 

Abigail sighed and gestured quickly. “Come stand under the awning. If Dr. Harvey sees you, he’ll drag you in the clinic and give you a bunch of energy tonics.”

I joined my friend under the awning hanging over the entrance to her father’s store, not really understanding the point. I was already soaked. 

“You need an umbrella,” Abby pointed out, shaking her head.

“No shit,” I replied, squeezing out my bubble-gum pink pig tails. “But your dad never has any in stock and I’d rather die than shop at Joja Mart.”

“It’s truck day. He might have some if you hurry.”

“Shiny.”  I borrowed her shirt tail and dried off my glasses. “Why are you out here?”

Abigail’s cheeks turned pink, and she lowered her gaze. “Sebastian likes to go to the beach when it rains. I thought maybe I could catch him.”

“Catch him and drag him back to your room to have your dirty way with him,” I teased. 

“It’s not like that at all! We’re just friends.”

“For now,” I said reassuringly. “I see how you look at him, Abs. You’re crazy for that boy.”

“Am I that obvious?”

I laughed, my spirits lifting.  “The only way you could be any more obvious is if you wore a neon sign around your neck that said, ‘I love you, Sebastian’.”

She glanced around to make sure the subject of our conversation wasn’t within ear shot. “You’re horrible.”

“Yes, but it’s why we’re friends.”

We stood under the awning for a few more minutes, watching puddles form in the cobblestones of the town square. I waved at Claire as she crossed in front of us on her way to Joja Mart. 

“How can anyone work for that awful place?” Abigail wondered when Claire had turned a corner. 

“Present company excluded, right?”

Abby’s eyes went wide. “Oh gosh! I am so sorry! I completely forgot!”

I laughed. “It’s all good. Honestly, I have no idea why I sold my soul to Joja for so long. They were one of the few companies that would hire you without a degree. But, hey, at least I got out, right?”

“Exactly. And I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” I sighed. “I hate to run, but I’ve got to get some seeds from your dad. I’ve only got a few days left in Spring and I really want to get that chicken coop built. I miss eggs like you wouldn’t believe. Tell Sebastian I said hi.”

The bell above the door jingled merrily as I stepped inside. Pierre looked up from the newspaper he had been browsing and adjusted his glasses.

“Samantha! Welcome! Hope you didn’t get too wet in…the…rain. Oh dear. You’re drenched.”

Thanks, Pierre. You have such a way with words, I thought, plastering a fake smile on my face. 

“Hi, Pierre. Please tell me you haven’t sold out of umbrellas yet.”

His eyes lit up and for a brief moment I thought there might have been dollar signs, but it was probably just a trick of the light. 

“You’re in luck. Sterling just started putting them in the display.”

The smile faded. Great. Sterling.  6’2” of pure hyperactive Golden Retriever energy wrapped up in alcoholism, substance abuse, and probably some deep-seated trauma from his childhood. He showed up to work so infrequently it was hard to determine his schedule. Freaking crap.

“Thanks. I’m gonna need to get some seeds from you too.  Parsnips and I think I’ll put in some kale this time. Four packets each. And 5 seed potatoes if you’ve got ‘em.”

For a split second, the customer service facade faded from Pierre’s face. “Is that all?” he asked, disappointment dripping from every word.

I raised my right eyebrow. “Is that…for Yoba’s sake, Pierre! Roseville isn’t exactly bringing in buckets of money right now. I’ve got two small plots cleared. The rest is covered in trees and rocks and shit. I don’t even have a chicken coop yet! So yeah, 8 seed packets, 5 seed potatoes, and a stupid umbrella.”

His expression changed to one of chagrin and embarrassment. “I’m sorry, truly. Morris was here earlier with his damn 50% off coupons again. It’s put me in a sour mood.”

I sighed. “It’s fine. The rain isn’t helping. It has us all fu-messed up. Let me grab that umbrella. I’ll be right back.”

I scanned the aisles for Sterling’s mop of bright auburn hair. My heart sped up and butterflies started turning somersaults when I finally found him in the home goods aisle. Tall and lanky, with just enough muscle to fill out his work uniform, and an ass that looked good even in those shapeless Dickie’s Pierre made him wear. 

Stop that train of thought right this instant, Samantha Rose. You are not interested! Relationships are nothing but trouble and a relationship with Sterling Cooper would be an epic disaster, I thought as I made my way toward him.

My mind wandered to the first time I had encountered Sterling outside of Pierre’s General Store. I had just moved to the valley, and I was seriously craving pizza. When I’d stopped by the saloon earlier that week to introduce myself and grab a bite to eat, I discovered that the pizza Gus served was from my favorite pizza chain. I’d laced up my boots and headed into town for a couple of slices and maybe a pint of beer or two if I was feeling froggie. 

The sun had long since set and the lights in the houses around the town square had gone dark by the time I made it to the Stardrop Saloon.  My mouth watered as I realized how close I was to getting my pizza fix. 

As I approached the small set of steps leading up to the entrance, the solid wooden door opened, and laughter, crappy country music, and cheerful yellow light spilled out into the street. Sterling stumbled out, oblivious to his surroundings. I stopped in my tracks and watched him for a bit, concerned he might break his neck with the way he was wobbling. He made it a few steps before he stopped, turned on his heel, and rushed to the side of the building. My stomach rolled as he retched, violently, into one of the trash cans Gus had outside. 

“Oh man…there goes my pizza dinner.”

My desire for cheesy pepperoni goodness disappeared in an instant. 

Sterling groaned. “I think I had a few too many…”

“Ya think?”

He spun around and gripped the side of the building to steady himself. “Oh, hey,  ‘Sup, Rosebud? Sorry you had to see that.”

At least he had the decency to look embarrassed. And that nickname. I never should have told him my middle name. Ever since it was Rosebud, or Rose Petal. Never my actual name. 

“Shane and I were playing a drinking game. Clint was all dressed up for Emily, so we were taking shots every time he adjusted his collar or his suit jacket.” He chuckled at his perceived inventiveness. 

I rolled my eyes but didn’t comment.

“Hey! Maybe you should play with us next time. You can cash in on all those drinks I owe you.”

“Sterling, Pierre doesn’t pay you enough to cover all the drinks you owe me. Besides, my liver couldn’t handle keeping up with you two.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and huffed a small laugh. “Yeah, probably.” He yawned and muttered something about getting home before Mia dragged his ass back home. 

“You gonna be okay? It’s a long walk back to East Scarp.” That bridge connecting Pelican Town to its neighbor to the east was sturdy, but the railings weren’t very high. The big idiot would probably fall in and drown.

“Psht, yeah. I do this every night! I’ll be fine.”

His smile was genuine and stirred up the butterflies in my stomach. 

“Sterling…” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. 

“You worry too much! G’night, Rosebud!”

He started walking away but paused after a few steps. “Would you mind not telling Gus about the mess?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

“Thanks, farmer. You’re a peach.”

A similar scene played out several more times over the course of the next few weeks. One night, he was so wasted I goose-marched him right over to Doc Harvey’s for a wall-to-wall counseling session and a banana bag. That was the night I decided that no matter what tingly feelings he made me feel with his good-natured flirting and drunken innuendos, I was not going to get involved with Sterling beyond a very casual friendship.

“Oh, hey, Rosebud. You’re looking a little…wet.” His eyes were bloodshot and deep purple shadows stood out against his pale skin. The way he paused before saying “wet” and let his eyes roam my body from head to toe made my cheeks flame hot. 

“Oh my God…what are you, twelve?”

He laughed. The smell of his breath, sour from vomit and alcohol, almost knocked me on my ass. I wrinkled my nose and reached into my pocket for the tin of strong mints I carried with me everywhere. I handed him the tin. 

“Bro. Did you bother to shower before you came into work?”

“I overslept,” he said, popping two of the mints into his mouth. “I had 10 minutes to get here.”

“From East Scarp? Did you make it?”

“Barely. Still got lectured, though. ‘If you’re on time, you’re late’.” His impression of Pierre was terrible. 

“Did you remember to grab your lunch at least?”

He winced. “No,” he said, miserably. “It’s fine. I’ll get something to eat at the saloon later.” 

Yeah, and then promptly throw it all up when you get home. If you even make it home. 

I removed my backpack and set it on the floor. I knelt down and unzipped the front pouch, pulling out a plastic baggie with four field snacks inside. “Here. It’s not much, but it will get you through until you can get to the saloon.”

He rolled his eyes and moaned. My body warmed at the sound. “Oh, yeah, come to me, baby.”

I raised my right eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, sorry, Rosebud. I was talking to the field snacks.”

“You are such a dork.”

He stuffed the baggie into the front pocket of his apron and grinned. “Yeah, but you still love me.”

Absolutely not. No way. But also, maybe? Fuck! 

“Can you just hand me an umbrella so I can get out of here? I still have a lot to do today.”

He considered the display carefully before pulling out a black umbrella with a red handle. “This one. It’s perfect.”

I snatched it out of his hands. “Black, like my heart?” 

“You’ll see. Have a good one, Rosebud. And…thanks. For everything.”

I took the umbrella up to the counter and slammed it down on the surface. My head was starting to hurt. Every time I thought I had my heart figured out, he had to go and do something that messed me up. I was attracted to him, sure. Despite all his issues, he really did have a good heart. I couldn’t be what he needed. I couldn’t lose myself like that. Never again. 

“You mother that boy,” Pierre said as he rang up my items.

“Wait, what?”

“You and Mia both. You mother him like he was a small child. He needs to stand on his own two feet.”

I set my backpack on the counter and loaded up my seeds. “I don’t see how it’s any of your business, but I’m not mothering him. I’m just being nice.”

Pierre scoffed as he closed the till. “He’ll never learn if you keep this up. He needs discipline.”

“He needs kindness. And empathy. And a whole bunch of other shit I can’t think of right now because high school psychology was a long time ago and I’m tired.” I put my backpack on and turned to go. “Thanks, Pierre. I’ll see you next week.”

The rain was still coming down in sheets when I stepped outside. I unsnapped the little strap around my new umbrella and shook it out. I thumbed the release, and it snapped open. I shook my head when I saw the design screen printed on each panel: giant red roses.

“You freaking marshmallow,” I muttered as I stepped out into the rain. 

I was in so much trouble.

Chapter Text

The Slime exploded with a sickening splort. I exhaled slowly and slid my sword into the scabbard at my hip.

Dammit. I hit it too hard. There’s nothing left to take home, I thought as I scanned the rocky floor of the mine.

Today had been a good day in the mines. My backpack was heavy with stone, copper, gemstones, and other loot. Gunter would get the first crack at everything, and anything he didn’t take for the museum would get sold for profit. I should be good to go for my chicken coop and a couple chickens!

I pulled a field snack out of my pocket and took a small nibble. I had no idea why Sterling was so obsessed with these things. The acorns were slightly bitter, and the maple seeds were hard to chew.

I frowned as I folded the wrapper around my dinner. Could I possibly go one day without thinking about him? He kept creeping into my thoughts, and I was getting so tired of it. Everything reminded me of him, and it absolutely terrified me. This is how it starts. They worm their way into your mind and then your heart, and then finally, when you least expect it, they own you: body and soul.

Shaking off the melancholy thoughts, I wandered deeper into the mine, my eyes scanning for copper nodes and other items of interest. I kept an ear out for the tell-tale sounds of monsters: the squelch of a jumping slime, the squeak of an approaching bat, or the buzz of a giant flying insect. I wanted to get this floor cleared before the alarm went off on my phone. I glanced at my watch to see how much time I had left.

“Son of a bitch!”

My voice echoed back at me as I stared at the glowing numbers displayed on my wrist. I had to be out of the mines by no later than 10pm if I wanted to make it home at a decent hour. Why didn’t my alarm go off at 9pm? I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and opened the alarm app.

Shit! I set it for AM again. I hurried back to the elevator, cursing a blue streak the whole way. It was almost 11pm. I was going to get maybe three hours of sleep tonight and that’s only if I fell asleep the second I walked in the door. I had to shower first, though. I had Slime and bug guts all over me on top of the normal grit and grime from swinging my sword and pickaxe all day.

The rickety elevator crawled to the surface. The only comforting thought: at least tomorrow was the Egg Festival. I would be dead-ass exhausted, but at least I didn’t have to do any work on the farm.

I adjusted my backpack so the weight was more evenly distributed and started the long trek back to Roseville Farm. I kept kicking myself for not leaving on time. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was just another thing that I couldn’t get right. I forgot to place a scarecrow on my second plot and lost my cauliflower to the crows. I spent an entire day clearing a spot for a new well only to discover I’d had the map upside down and the spot Robin had marked for me was on the other side of the farm. Every single time I thought I had my shit together…

Linus was sitting next to his campfire as I crested the hill near Robin’s house. I cleared my throat so I wouldn’t startle him. I really liked the old man. He was eccentric, but he was kind and full of knowledge about the valley. He knew all the best spots for foraging and was always willing to trade some of the stuff he found for the fish I caught in the river near my farm.

“Who’s there?” he asked, looking around frantically.

I stepped into the light of his campfire and kept my hands in front of me. “It’s just me, Linus.”

“Oh. Hi, Samantha. You’re out awfully late.”

I put my hands out toward the fire, letting the flames warm my aching fingers. It was starting to warm up out here, but deep beneath the ground in the mine, it was very chilly. “I lost track of time again.”

Linus squinted at the condition of my palms. I felt my cheeks warm. I was never really concerned with appearances before becoming a farmer but seeing the blisters and calluses forming from all the hard work I had been doing made me self-conscious.

 “There’s a plant that grows in the Cindersnap Forest near that abandoned house. You can make a salve with the leaves that will help heal the blisters and soften the calluses. It looks like mint but with purple stripes near the base of the leaves. If you can bring me some, I’ll show you how to make it.”

“Thank you, Linus. That’s very sweet,” I replied with a smile.

It was Linus’ turn to blush. “The forest is wonderous. If you know what you’re looking for, the forest can feed you and heal you. I’m happy to pass on the knowledge.”

We sat in companionable silence, listening to the crackle of the campfire and the soothing night sounds of the forest. I took such a big risk leaving Zuzu City for Pelican Town. Nights like tonight made me so happy I did. The sounds of the city drowned out the sounds of nature. It was all rushing cars, the hum of electronics, and the low thrum of constant conversation. There were no bird songs, no insects chirping, no rush of wind. I was finally finding the peace I had been craving.

“You’re not the only one out and about tonight. Young Sterling passed by a while ago. It looked like he was headed for the mountain.”

My heart froze. The mountain!? Oh dear Yoba…if he was drunk again he’d probably fall off the peak. Oh, who was I kidding? When wasn’t Sterling drunk off his ass? I looked up toward the mountain pass, my lower lip firmly between my teeth. How long was “a while”? If he was drunk, he probably wouldn’t be moving very fast. Maybe I could catch up? Ugh. Not with this heavy-ass backpack.

“Linus? Can I leave my backpack with you? I’ll grab it on my way back down.”

“Of course. I’m not going to head into town to check the trash cans until after the saloon closes. I’ll guard your things, don’t you worry.”

I leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Linus.”

I took off at a dead run up the mountain pass. If that big marshmallow got himself killed, I’d kick his ass.

The low moan of a train whistle in the distance spurred my steps. If I didn’t get across the tracks before the train sped through, I’d be stuck on this side of the tracks until it passed. Yoba only knew what could happen if I got delayed.

Why was I even doing this? He was a grown ass adult, responsible for his own actions. If he was stupid enough to go to the top of the mountain in the dark while drunk, the consequences were his own. Maybe Pierre was right. Maybe I did mother him. Dammit, somebody had to. Sometimes it was shocking he even put on pants.

The train whistle sounded again, this time a little closer. I could see the roof of the spa over the tops of the trees. Almost there. Just a few more steps. My lungs were burning, and my thighs and calves ached. I was never going to make it to the peak.

I burst through the tree line into the clearing that marked the halfway point between the base of the mountain and the lonely top. The train station was dark, so the only light came from the small windows in the spa. I paused to catch my breath, bending at the waist, and resting my palms on my knees. I gulped down deep, ragged breaths, my pulse pounding in my temples. I was definitely in better shape now than I was when I arrived in Stardew Valley, but I still had a long way to go. I needed to add jogging to my daily chores. Build up some endurance just in case I had to run up a fucking mountain again.

The train whistle sounded even closer now. I needed to get a move on. I took one last deep breath and straightened, stretching my arms above my head. I was going to talk to Mia and Henry tomorrow. Something had to change. I wasn’t in any place to judge Sterling for coping with life’s bullshit in his own way. It wasn’t healthy, but neither was my obsession with chocolate-covered peanuts and stuffed cats. Well, mine wasn’t as destructive as Sterling’s, but still. But if he was out here climbing mountains, what was going on in his mind? Was this a cry for help?

The crunch of gravel near the train tracks brought me out of my thoughts. Sterling was balancing precariously on the tracks, his arms stretched out to either side, like a tightrope walker in the circus. He hadn’t noticed me yet; his entire focus was staying upright on the narrow beam. Outside of Pierre’s, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sterling dressed in anything other than a faded pair of skinny jeans, a black T-shirt, and a red and black flannel shirt. He really embraced that whole “farm boy chic” look and it really worked for him.

Get it together, girl. There’s a train coming, and that dummy is going to get himself squished.

“Sterling!” I barked, my hands on my hips.

He turned to look at me, still balanced, barely, on the rail.

“Oh, hey, Rosebud! How’s it going, sweet face? Out enjoying the night breeze?”

Sweet face!? I did not like how that new nickname made me feel. I gave the finger to the butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t have time for their shenanigans right now.

Before I could answer his question, the train whistle sounded again. I glanced nervously toward the tunnel. That was too damn close for comfort.

“What’s the matter? Scared of some trains in the distance?” he asked teasingly.

“Distance? Sterling, it’s almost on top of us!” I took a few steps closer to the tracks. “Are you drunk? You shouldn’t be out here playing on the tracks like this. You could get seriously hurt.”

He scoffed and raked his fingers through his hair. “You worry too much, Rosebud. You’re starting to sound like Henry. I’ve only had a couple drinks.”

He stepped off the rail, crouched down, and pulled a dark amber bottle from a six-pack I hadn’t noticed. He offered the bottle to me, and I waved him away. Sterling’s taste in beer was terrible. Gus had some amazing craft brews on tap, but Sterling was always drinking bottom-of-the-keg swill.

He shrugged and pressed the cap against his forearm. He pulled his arm toward his chest and the seal popped with a small hiss. With a small salute to me, he tilted his head back and drained the bottle in a few deep swallows. He let out a long, loud belch and put the bottle back in the carrier. Five of the bottles were empty.

“A couple drinks? A 'couple drinks' is two, maybe three. Not five. You are drunk.”

Sterling chuckled and hopped back onto the rail. “Could a drunk man do this?” He took a couple tentative steps, wobbling back and forth.

My heart was in my throat the entire time. I could smell the coal smoke from the train engine now. This was idiotic. He stumbled as he tried to turn around to come back toward me. He landed ingloriously on his ass, his elbow striking the rail.

“Ow! Well, shit. Maybe I am drunk.”

I shook my head and offered him my hand. He looked up at me, his dazzling blue eyes heavy-lidded and his gaze slightly out of focus. He gripped my palm and  I braced my legs, helping him to stand.

His hand felt so right in mine. Electricity had shot up my arm from that simple contact. I could feel my whole body flush. He was standing too close. I could smell his cologne – something citrusy with a hint of cinnamon. He was only four inches taller than me, but it felt like he towered over me. I met his gaze and gasped at the heat I saw in his gaze.

He ran his thumb over my knuckles, and I dropped his hand. I took a massive step back and cleared my throat, looking away from him.

I can’t do this. I just can’t. Not now. Not ever.

“Come on. Let’s get you home, you big dork,” I said, my voice husky.

The light on the front of the train engine lit up the clearing. The train had come around the bend and would be here soon. Sterling stood too close to the track, his gaze locked on the oncoming train. His brow was furrowed.

I could hear the chug of the engine and the light in the clearing grew brighter.

“Sterling, please,” I begged.

He turned to me with a sad smile on his lips. “Coming.”

I wish…

I covered my mouth to keep in the gasp. Where the fuck had that come from!?

He picked up the six-pack and made his way toward the spa. He lifted the lid on the trashcan and tossed the whole thing in, even the last full bottle. I was proud of him. It was a small step in the right direction.

We headed toward the trail that would take us back down the mountain. His wobbly steps had him drifting closer to me and I had to keep side stepping to avoid contact.

“You know, Rosebud, I am an adult. I don’t need a babysitter,” he said with a cheerful smile.

I frowned. “Yes, you do. Playing chicken with a fucking train? What were you thinking?”

He laughed. “It was just some harmless late-night fun. Haven’t you ever just done something for the thrill of it? Something that just gets your blood pumping and makes you feel alive?”

I worried my bottom lip with my teeth, the memory of that night when I was seventeen. My best friend was moving away at the end of the summer, so we were trying to make the most of the three months we had left. We did some incredibly stupid shit in the name of making memories. That night we stole a bottle of tequila from her dad’s liquor cabinet and headed up to the roof of our high school. I was stupid drunk and decided to climb over the safety railing and balance on the edge. The lights of Zuzu City were so bright, and I could feel my heart racing. One small step out of place and I would plummet three stories to the asphalt. It was one of the dumbest things I had ever done, but I had never felt more alive than I did at that moment.

Until you took my hand…

“Jeez…you just moved here and already I’m making you responsible for me.” He shook his head ruefully. “Sorry, Rosebud. This isn’t the impression I wanted to make.” He sighed. “You know, this is just like me. Getting someone else tangled up in my bullshi—”

A loud crack of thunder interrupted him. I jumped with a small squeak, placing my hand over my heart. The rain started falling in a roar just as the train sped through Stardew Valley Station. I turned my face up to the sky, letting the rain cool my blushing cheeks. My umbrella was in my backpack at the base of the mountain. Naturally.

“Of course it’s fucking raining. It’s always fucking raining here,” Sterling groused.

“Yeah, but it means I won’t have to water my crops before the Egg Festival tomorrow. Silver linings, I guess.”

“Oh yeah! I completely forgot about the festival! You think Lewis would let me join the Egg Hunt? That was my favorite part when I was a kid. We could team up, Rosebud. I know all of his hiding spots. We might even be able to beat Abigail. For once.”

I chuckled as I lowered my gaze to meet his. The rain had plastered his hair against his scalp and tiny rivulets of water were running down his cheeks. The urge to go up on my tiptoes and trace one with my tongue came out of nowhere.

What is wrong with me?

“Hey. You’re not wearing your glasses,” he said, tilting his head to the right.

“I’m wearing contacts. I don’t like wearing my glasses in the mines. I’m afraid I’ll lose them. I can’t afford another pair right now.”

“Huh. I never noticed just how green your eyes are. They’re pretty.”

I scoffed. “You really are drunk. Come on. Henry and Mia are probably worried sick.”

He glanced around the clearing. “I think…I think I’m going to stay out here a little bit longer. I think I need to sober up.”

Well, shit. No way was I going to leave him out here alone. Playing chicken with a train was bad enough. If I left him, he really would try to scale the mountain to the top. I looked at my watch. Yeah, there was no way I was getting any sleep tonight.

 “Tell you what. Why don’t you come with me to Linus’ camp so I can get my backpack. We can come back up here and sit on one of the benches at the train station. I can read smutty fanfiction on my phone while you sober up. When you’re ready, we can go home.”

He stared off into the middle distance for a long while. Was I imposing? I figured he probably wanted to be alone with his thoughts, but something was telling me that was a bad idea. I needed to be here with him. To make sure he was okay. But, if he insisted, I would go. I’d worry myself sick until I got to the town square tomorrow and laid eyes on him again, but I’d honor his wishes.

“You know what, Rosebud? That sounds amazing. And when you get all twitchy from your fics, I would be more than happy to lend a hand.”

I punched his arm lightly. “Dream on, dork,” I said with a smile.

He rubbed the spot where I hit him and chuckled. He offered me his arm. “M’lady?”

I hesitated for a second before threading my arm around his. The rain slowed to a light drizzle as we entered the mountain pass. My head felt full of starshine and I really couldn’t be mad about it.

Chapter Text

Morning arrived way too soon. I pulled the covers over my head with a frustrated groan. We didn’t leave the train station until 5am.

If I had to be honest, it was one of the best nights since I came to the valley. I’d laid on one bench while Sterling straddled the other. After a long silence, he pulled up his music streaming app and started his favorite playlist. A lot of the songs were angry with heavy guitar and lots of screaming, but some were pretty low-fi with deep, meaningful lyrics. He sent me links to a few of his favorites so I could listen to them later. We didn’t do much talking, but when we did, the topics were light and centered around books, movies, and other favorites. He teased me about my choice of reading material, and I gave him shit for his unholy obsession with field snacks.

He had insisted on walking me home. I pointed out that I was the one with a sword, pickaxe, and a regular axe, but he’d been stubborn.

“A gentleman would never let a lady walk home alone.”

“Pelican Town is so safe we don’t even have a police station. I don’t think we even have a fire station. I think I’ll be okay.”

The sun was peeking over the horizon when we finally made it back to Roseville Farm. We were both exhausted so I offered my couch. He’d accepted with a grateful smile.

Oh shit! He’s on my couch!

I threw off the covers and glanced over at the little area that I had designated as my living room. The pillow and blanket I had given him last night were neatly folded on one of the seats and Sterling was nowhere to be found.

I grabbed my phone off the side table next to my bed. I had three new text messages waiting for me.

Sterling: Good morning, Rosebud. I’m about to head out and I didn’t want to wake you. Thanks for last night. I haven’t had that much fun doing nothing in a really long time. Maybe we can do it again sometime? But without trains or thunderstorms?

Sterling: P.S. Your couch sucks.

Sterling: Oh! Before I forget. I found another song you might like. Give it a listen and let me know what you think when I see you at the Festival. Can’t wait to talk music with you again.

I added the song to my “Weird Shit Sterling Sent Me” playlist. I hit shuffle and set the phone back on the table. He had the weirdest taste in music, but I really enjoyed everything he sent me.

I stared at the contents of my closet and debated on what to wear. When I’d asked Abigail about it, she’d just shrugged.

“It’s pretty casual, but people do dress up. It’s all outside so it can get pretty warm. Wear comfy shoes if you’re thinking about joining the Egg Hunt.”

I sold all my dresses when I moved. Didn’t need anything frilly or fancy on the farm. I did want to put in a little effort today, though. It was my first festival here in the valley. I grabbed my newest pair of jeans and tossed them on the bed. My choices of shirts were limited. I stocked up on solid-colored tees and flannels at Pierre’s when I first got here. I sighed. I could maybe dress up one of my black shirts with some jewelry.

A splash of yellow on black caught my eye. I thought I donated that shirt, I thought as I pulled it off its hanger. A total impulse buy a few months ago, I couldn’t resist the bright yellow sunflowers on a black T-shirt. It was perfect for a spring festival.

Once dressed, I brushed out my hair, wincing at the amount of brown showing at my roots. My hair had never grown this fast before. When I got here, my hair barely brushed my shoulders. Now, it hung in soft waves to almost the middle of my back. I needed to buy a couple boxes of hair dye stat. Instead of my usual twin braided pigtail, I pulled half up and secure it with a delicate silver hair clip.

I put my contacts in and blinked several times until they settled. I had to keep telling myself that it was for convenience, not because a certain marshmallow told me my eyes were pretty. A little eyeliner, a quick swipe of mascara, some lip gloss and I looked almost presentable.

I shook my head at that thought. I need to stop thinking like that. It was just another call back to Amber and all her bullshit.

“You’re a woman! Act like it! Where dresses, put on make-up, get your nails done! Take some pride in yourself! If I wanted to date a dude, I’d date a dude!”

All the red flags had been there. I’d either been too naïve or too stupid to see them.

Nope. Not today, Satan. It’s festival day. Happy times. Fun. Frivolous. I can unpack all that later.

I decided to skip breakfast since Abigail promised there would be a ton of food. I put down a bowl of kibble for Molly and checked her water fountain. She still hadn’t forgiven me for forgetting her treat when I was at Pierre’s last week. The fresh salmon I had caught and grilled for her was apparently not good enough for Princess Molly Prissy Pants.

Before heading out, I checked my fields. The leaves on the parsnips and the potatoes were looking a little lacey. Fucking beetles. I was going to have to ask Demetrius if he knew any natural ways of protecting my plants from insects. If I used pesticides, he’d probably have a coronary.

The weather was absolutely gorgeous. The sun was shining in a bright blue, cloudless sky. A warm breeze caressed my skin as I walked the trail toward town. This was a perfect day to spend outdoors.

I could hear the murmur of the crowd as I neared the bus stop. It sounded like everyone was having a wonderful time. I had no idea what went on at an Egg Festival, but from the sounds of things, it was going to be a blast.

The town square had been transformed overnight. Banners in a multitude of pastel colors were draped on the eaves of each of the buildings. Long tables laden down with a wide variety of foods and drinks created a frame around the square and smaller tables with delicate tablecloths took up space in the middle. The townsfolk were scattered around the square, talking, and laughing merrily. I felt my heart lighten as I entered the square.

I scanned the crowd for Abigail’s bright purple hair. I found her standing with Sebastian and Sam down near Emily & Hailey’s house. I grinned and shook my head. If she stood any closer to Sebastian, she’d be wearing his sweater.

Pierre had a small stand set up next to Doc Harvey’s clinic. The way Abby talked today was supposed to be a day of rest for the entire town. Everything was shut down so everyone could enjoy the festivities. Even the Joja Mart was closed today. Leave it to Pierre to figure out a way to still make money.

“Happy festival day, Farmer Samantha!” Pierre greeted me with a bright smile.

“Happy festival day to you, too! You aren’t taking the day off?”

“I always sell seasonal items at the festivals. These are special items that I don’t sell any other time of the year. Take a look and see if anything catches your eye.”

There were a few household items that interested me, but I couldn’t really justify the purchase. The little cabin was already stuffed to the gills. There was literally no more room for anything else. Once I got my chicken coop up and running, I’d start saving up for the expansion Robin and I had talked about. Maybe next year I’d be able to get some cute Spring decorations. The one thing that really caught my eye was the strawberry seeds. My mouth began to water as I imagined the plump, juicy berries on top of a big bowl of vanilla ice cream.

“How much for the strawberry seeds?”

“Oh, they’re a steal at 100 gold each!” Pierre replied happily.

My heart sank. I only had 200 gold to my name right now. I wouldn’t be able to take my haul from the mines to Gunther and Clint until tomorrow. Well, one was better than none, I guess.

“I’ll take one pack of strawberry seeds, please.”

“Just the one? Are you sure?”

I raised my right brow. “Haven’t we had this conversation before?”

Pierre raised his hands in surrender. “It’s not like that. Having more than one plant is good for pollination.”

“Maybe so, but more than one will completely wipe me out.”

He looked left and right and gestured for me to step closer. I furrowed my brow and leaned in.

“I don’t normally do this, and I’ll deny it if anyone asks, but just this once, I’ll let you have two for the price of one. Just make sure you sell me some of what you harvest. Your produce all brings in the most gold!”

“Thanks, Pierre. I appreciate it,” I said, counting out the coins.

I slipped the seed packets into my front pocket and turned to go, visions of strawberry shortcakes dancing in my mind. Strawberries were my absolute favorite fruit, and I couldn’t wait to get the seeds in the ground.

A familiar laugh grabbed my attention. Sterling stood near one of the food tables, having the audacity to not look like he had gotten too little sleep on my cheap-ass couch. He’d changed into a heathered grey tee that clung to his chest like a second skin. He wore a black and white checkered, short-sleeved button-down like a jacket, and a pair of dark wash carpenter jeans. I took a few seconds of self-indulgence and just drank him in.

There’s nothing wrong with looking, I thought to myself. It’s like appreciating a piece of fine art or something.

I frowned when I saw who had made him laugh. My blood pressure kicked up a couple notches.

Shane. Naturally .

Marnie’s nephew was an asshole, plain and simple. He never had a nice thing to say to anyone and went out of his way to be rude to everyone. He spent every single night at The Stardrop Saloon getting blackout drunk, and Yoba only knew what other shit he used. Abigail said when Sterling moved back to Pelican Town, Shane was the first friend he made. I 1000% believed that the friendship was one-sided. Shane didn’t have it in him to care about anyone but himself. I also believed that the cantankerous bastard was a shitty influence on Sterling.

Sterling brought an amber bottle to his lips and drank deeply. I made a small, disgusted sound before approaching the pair.

“Good morning , Sterling,” I greeted him. I put a lot of emphasis on morning. I made a very dramatic glance at my watch.

“Rosebud! Hey! Happy festival day!” he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and giving me a brief hug.

“It’s a little early to be hitting the bottle, don’t you think?”

“Fuck off. It’s a festival. You know, a party? What’s a party without booze?” Shane replied, his lip curling in annoyance. He met my gaze and polished off his beer.

“Oh, come on, Rosebud! It’s all good!” He placed his right hand over his heart. “I solemnly promise to drink one glass of punch for every beer I drink.”

I rubbed my forehead in frustration. “You know what, do what you want. Just don’t go playing chicken with a train or something equally idiotic. I won’t always be there to keep you from killing yourself.”

“He doesn’t need you. He’s got me,” Shane replied, grabbing another beer off the table.

“Oh, yeah, that really makes me feel better. At least eat something, dork. If you make Doc Harvey work on Festival day, I’ll kick your ass.”

I turned to go, and Sterling grabbed my arm, stopping me from storming off. “Rosebud, wait.”

“Let me go, Sterling.”

He let go of my arm and brought his arm up to rub the back of his neck. “What did you think of the last song I sent you?”

It was an acoustic cover of one of his favorite songs. The artist took this angry, almost violent song and turned it into a mournful ballad that evoked deep emotions. I absolutely loved it and wanted to hear more of the artist’s work.

“It was great. Thanks.” I sighed. “Enjoy the festival, Sterling. I’ll see you around.”

The disappointment in his eyes hurt my heart. I couldn’t care right now. Maybe this interaction would serve as a wake-up call. With Shane in the picture, I sincerely doubted it.

Abigail was telling a very animated story about something that happened in one of her classes when I joined her near the edge of the festival grounds. Sam and Sebastian nodded in greeting and I gave them both a small wave. I missed most of the story so when Abigail delivered the punchline, I could only smile. Besides, my thoughts were still overcast. My festive mood was dwindling.

“Samantha! Hi! Happy festival day! I’m so glad you’re here!” She threw her arms around me in a generous hug.

“Hi, Abs. Happy festival day,” I replied, hugging her back. I wish my tone matched hers. I didn’t want to bring everyone down.

“Saw you talking to Sterling,” Sebastian said. “Looked like he pissed you off.”

“That’s not hard. Not with Shane standing there. You okay?” Sam asked.

“I’m fine.” I sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

If I started talking about Sterling, I’d never stop. I had so much pent up, eventually, I would explode in an epic rant, but the Egg Festival was not the place for it. I didn’t want to ruin the day for everyone else.

“Dad said he was going to fire him if he showed up to work hungover one more time. That was six months ago. I wish he’d do it, already,” Abby complained, crossing her arms over her chest. “When he doesn’t show up, I usually have to do his tasks.”

“Abs. Seriously. Let’s talk about anything else.”

“Oh, hey! I heard you joined the Adventurer’s Guild! What’s it like in the mines?” Abby asked, her eyes wide with excitement.

The conversation returned to more lively topics. Abigail and Sam had a lot of questions about the monsters in the mines. Sebastian just looked bored. When my stomach rumbled, we all made our way to the food tables. I loaded my plate with deviled eggs, ham, green bean casserole, and something that Abigail called “Watergate Salad”.  We claimed one of the smaller tables near the back. I set my plate down and went back for a cup of sparkling punch.

I reached for the ladle at the exact same time another hand grabbed it. I recognized the chipped black nail polish and my heart sped up. I looked up into Sterling’s bright blue eyes and bit back a curse.

“Oh, hey, Rosebud.” He let go of the ladle. “Ladies first.”

“Thank you. Surprised to see you at the punch bowl. You didn’t spike it, did you?” I asked, bringing the ladle up to my nose.

“What? No! There’s kids here!” he cried. He furrowed his brow and narrowed his gaze. “I said I’d drink a cup of punch for every beer I drank, and I meant it.”

I filled my cup and returned the ladle to the bowl, angling the handle toward him. “Well, don’t do me any favors.”

“Rosebud, I… You know what? Forget it. Enjoy the festival.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets and walked back to Shane. I shook my head and rejoined my friends at our table. I wasn’t going to let Sterling and his bullshit bring me down. Today was going to be a good day, or so help me.

The trio kept me distracted and brought my mood back up. Once we were done eating, Jas and Vincent asked us if we wanted to play a game of freeze tag. The boys were uninterested, but Abigail and I joined in the fun. I had no idea little kids could be so damn fast. I spent most of the game frozen and Abby had a hard time getting to me to unfreeze me.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I fudged the rules and turned my head, meeting Sterling’s gaze. His cheeks flamed and he looked away quickly.

You are just determined to ruin my day…

The shrill sound of a metal whistle echoed across the square. Abby’s eyes grew wide, and an almost manic grin appeared on her face.

“It’s time for the Egg Hunt!” she cried as she took off running toward Mayor Lewis.

“Hey! No fair! You’re s’post to be frozen!” Vincent shouted after her, revealing their dastardly plan.

Abigail was the reigning nine-year champion of the Pelican Town Annual Egg Hunt. It was clear that the kids figured if they froze her during a game of freeze tag, she wouldn’t be able to participate.”

“Nice try, Vince. Better luck next year!” Sam called, as Abby ran by our table.

I followed the two very disappointed youngsters to the staging area. I had to hand it to the kids. Their plan, while faulty, was pretty ingenious for their age. I don’t think I would have been as clever when I was that small.

Mayor Lewis stood next to a small table filled with brightly colored baskets with a number written on the handle. Each participant grabbed a basket and wrote down the number on their basket next to their name on the sign-up sheet. Abigail was practically bouncing in anticipation. I got the feeling that this was the highlight of her year. I stood near the back to allow the kiddos to be closer to the front. The excited energy of the small crowd of kids and young adults was infectious, and I found myself eager to begin.

“Is everybody ready for the Egg Hunt!?” Lewis asked through his bullhorn.

A bullhorn? Really, Lewis? You could spit and reach the edge of the square in any direction, but go on, I guess.

“When I blow my whistle, you’ll have 15 minutes to gather as many eggs as you can! When you hear the whistle again, come on back to the square! Good luck, everyone! On your marks! Get set! Goooo!” He blew his whistle, and everyone took off in different directions.

Abigail had a system that she had perfected over the years. She covered the town in a tight grid-like pattern. Jas and Vincent teamed up this year, so Jas went right while Vincent went left. Me, I just wandered aimlessly, picking up eggs with no real plan. Whenever I’d pass one of the kids, I’d drop an egg into their basket without them noticing. I didn’t care about winning. Lewis was only letting me participate this year because it was my first time attending. I was only concerned with having a good time.

The sound of raised voices caught my attention as I waited for Jas to finish combing through Lewis’ backyard. I poked my head around the old farm truck the mayor had parked in front of his house and saw Shane and Sterling having a heated argument near the saloon. I was too far away to hear what was being said, but based on Shane’s expression, he was pissed. He gave Sterling a good shove to his chest and squared off. Sterling, for his part, just took it in stride and refused to rise to Shane’s posturing.

“What’re you looking at?” Jas asked as she joined me. She saw her brother and the light just went out of her face. “Oh. My brother’s drunk again.”

I wrapped my arm around her tiny shoulders and gave her a tight squeeze. “I’m sorry, Bug.” I didn’t know what else to say. I glanced at my watch. We still had about 5 minutes left to hunt. “C’mon. Let’s see if we can find more eggs. You can have all of mine if you want.”

Her eyes lit back up and she smiled brightly. “Really!?”

“Yes, really,” I said with a laugh. I transferred the three eggs I’d picked up along the way to her basket. She skipped over to the bushes that framed the cemetery and bent down to look under the leafy branches. I kept one eye on her since the river was so close, and the other on the confrontation going on. Someone would have to intervene if they started swinging on each other. When Shane realized he wasn’t going to get anything more out of Sterling, he stumbled back toward the food tables. Sterling watched him go, his broad shoulders slumped, and his head lowered.

He must have felt me watching because he turned to face me, with the saddest puppy-dog look I had ever seen. The side of his mouth curled up in a half smile and he started walking toward me. I shook my head and took a small step back.

“Hey, Jas. Let’s go check over by George and Evelyn’s house. I don’t think Abby’s made it over there yet,” I called, extending my right hand to her.

“Okay!”

She took my hand and practically dragged me away. I wasn’t interested in anything Sterling Cooper had to say. Whatever they’d been arguing over was none of my business. He needed to figure his shit out on his own. I couldn’t ride to the rescue all the time. I cared about him, sure. More than I really wanted to admit to at that exact moment, but I needed to protect my peace. I would not allow his drama to rain on my happiness. Not today. A small part of me did feel guilty and wanted me to turn back around. I promptly told that part to stick where the sun didn’t shine. I was going to help Vince and Jas win this Egg Hunt if it was the last thing I did.

In the end, all of my efforts were for naught. Abigail won for the 10th year in a row. The only thing that kept Vince from putting stink bugs in her hair was me reminding him that he and Jas only lost by one egg.

“Next year, you’ll beat her for sure. Go on and get a piece of cake. You’ve earned it.”

Several hours later, Abby was still preening and adjusting her flower crown. The sun had set, and the streetlamps had come on. The crowd was now mostly made up of young adults as most of the older residents had gone home. Marnie and Lewis were sitting off to themselves thinking they were being inconspicuous. I smirked. I know where your lucky purple shorts wound up, Mr. Mayor. You’re not fooling anyone. Robin, Demetrius, and Maru had joined us for a while, but they had headed home about an hour ago. Jodi and Caroline had stopped by on their way home to remind their children of their respective curfews.

Sebastian snickered. “You still have a curfew?”

“The only reason you don’t is because Robin gave up. You never made curfew once in your life,” Abigail returned after her mom had disappeared into the general store.

He considered her words for a moment before shrugging. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Today had been such an amazing day. A day of rest was exactly what I needed. Just spending time with good friends, eating delicious food, and letting my troubles fade into the background. I sighed contentedly. It was business as usual tomorrow morning, but today had been absolutely wonderful. I was genuinely sad that it was almost over.

“Hey, Marnie. Sorry to interrupt, but have you seen Shane lately?”

Sterling’s nervous voice behind me caught my attention. The trio was talking about the newest expansion to some video game they all played so my attention had wandered a while ago. I turned in my seat to see what the fuss was about.

“No, sorry. You know how my nephew is. He doesn’t like spending a lot of time around people, even at the festivals. Why? Is something wrong?”

He raked his fingers through his hair and gave the strands a strong pull. “He’s been in a shit mood all day and it only got worse after we argued. I was keeping my eye on him to make sure he didn’t do something stupid. I lost sight of him when Mia and Henry finally made it to the festival.”

“He disappears all the time, Sterling. You know this. He’ll come wandering in before the sun comes up, angry at the world,” Marnie replied, shaking her head.

“I dunno. I have a bad feeling about this. He was in pretty bad shape the last time I saw him.”

Marnie stole a glance at Lewis. The mayor avoided her gaze and pretended he wasn’t listening to the conversation around him. Marnie deserves so much better than that bozo. I hope she realizes it one day. When she realized she wasn’t going to get any support, she sighed and came to her feet.

“He tends to find places near the ranch to drown his sorrows. I’ll head home and check there.”

Sterling nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’ll check around the lake, maybe that cliff near where the sewers empty out into the ocean. We got sto…er, uh, never mind.”

Shit. The barrier that the wizard maintained around the valley kept the monsters out, but there were other dangers, especially at night. Multiply that by about 200 if you were drunk. I wanted to throat punch Shane nearly every time I saw him, but I didn’t want him to get hurt. If only because it would upset Marnie and Jas.

“The moron probably tripped and fell into the sewers,” Sebastian muttered.

“Oh don’t say that!” Abigail whispered. “They say an awful monster lives in the sewers.”

I turned back around to my friends. “Aren’t you a little old to be believing in stories like that?” I asked.

“Seriously! I overheard Marlon talking to Mayor Lewis about it one night. It’s why they keep the sewer entrances locked up.”

“Nah, they keep ‘em locked so the town drunks don’t fall in. Doc Harvey would never get any sleep,” Sam said.

He was probably right, though I was more worried about the rivers, lakes, and cliffs.

…and trains…

Marnie smiled wanly at us as she passed our table. I tried to give her a reassuring smile in return, but I don’t know if I was successful. I sighed and sat back. I should go straight home. My lack of sleep the night before was starting to catch up to me and sunrise would be here before I knew it. I had so much to do to make up for today. A trip to the museum, a stop at Clint’s blacksmith shop, and then I had to get started clearing the spot for my chicken coop. I didn’t have time to go gallivanting through the woods looking for yet another drunken idiot.

Sterling looked so lost. His concern for the safety of his friend was etched into every line of his face. His steps were even without even a hint of a stumble as he made his way over to Mia and Henry. Come to think of it, there hadn’t been the slightest hint of a slur when he was talking to Marnie.

Holy shit. He sobered up. Was that why they were arguing earlier?

This was all too much for my very tired brain.

Sterling finished his conversation with his cousin and roommate and started heading toward the path that would take him to the Cindersap Forest. He didn’t even acknowledge us as he passed us. I frowned. I didn’t like how that made me feel. I was so used to his goofy grin and his thinly veiled innuendos that him ignoring me really upset me.

“You want to go after him, don’t you?” Abigail asked knowingly.

I scoffed. “Absolutely not,” I replied unconvincingly.

“Hm. Your mouth says one thing, but your eyes say another. You haven’t taken your eyes off him since he walked past us. It might be a longer walk than going past the bus stop, but if you need an excuse, you can just say you wanted to take the long way home.”

I worried my bottom lip with my teeth as I watched Sterling cross under one of the streetlamps near the edge of town. It would be easy to explain it away. I could help him out without actually getting involved.

“Hey, Sterling! Wait up!”

The Cindersap Forest was peaceful at night.

And also dark as fuck. Thank Yoba for phones with flashlights, I thought as I stepped around yet another small boulder.

“You didn’t have to come with me, Rosebud. I haven’t had anything to drink since this morning.”

“That’s not why I’m here. I wanted to take the long way home and you just happened to be going in the same direction.”

He chuckled. “I almost believe that. Either way, I’m glad you’re here. I’m really worried about Shane.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. He wasn’t at the cliff so he’s either at the lake or he’s at home, sleeping it off.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Marnie’s ranch came into view just before we broke through the tree line. It was amazing how quiet the clearing could be when all the animals were asleep. I was used to the sounds of chickens clucking, the cattle lowing, and the goats chattering at each other.

We paused that the crossroads just before the lake. This is where I would need to turn to head home.

“I guess this is where we part ways,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

I shook my head. “Nah, I’m good. I’ll at least go with you to the lake. If he’s not there, I’ll head home.”

“Are you sure? I kept you out so late last night and I know you have a lot of work to do tomorrow.”

Against my better judgment, I placed my hand on his arm. “I’m fine. It’s not that late. I still have plenty of time to get some sleep.”

He looked down at where my hand rested on his arm, his cheeks pink. I squeezed his arm and took my hand back. He looked up, his eyes almost indigo in the limited light. There was an emotion there that I didn’t want to put a name to.

“Rosebud, I –”

The sound of Marnie’s front door banging open prevented him from saying what was on his mind. I wheeled around just as Marnie rushed out of the house.

“Marnie? Is everything all right?” I called as we jogged toward her.

“I’m on my way to get Harvey. I found him in his room, passed out. He won’t wake up. I hate to leave him, but the doctor isn’t answering his phone.”

“Shit!” Sterling rushed into the house.

I gave Marnie a quick hug. “Do you want me to go with you? Sterling can stay with him.”

Marnie returned my hug and stepped back. “No, thank you, dear. I need to clear my head. I’m just glad Jas is staying with Eloise tonight. She doesn’t need to see this.”

I watched her enter the forest before joining Sterling in Shane’s room. The room was disgusting. Beer cans covered every available surface, dirty clothes were strewn all over the dirty floor, and it smelled musty and sour all at the same time. I wasn’t a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination, but the state of Shane’s room made me want to deep clean my cabin immediately.

Shane lay on his back next to his bed. His eyes were closed, and his jaw was slack. Sterling knelt on the floor next to his friend, slapping his face and calling his name, begging him to open his eyes. Shane remained unresponsive.

“Get him up on his side and turn his head. If he throws up he’s less likely to aspirate and choke.”

Sterling looked up at me questioningly. “Aspirate?”

“I don’t know the exact meaning, but it basically means he’ll breathe in his vomit. Look, my mom’s a nurse. She uses medical terms for shit.”

He nodded and rolled Shane onto his side and tilted his head.

“Check his pulse.”

He placed two fingers against Shane’s throat just under his jaw. “It’s there but it’s really slow.”

“Alcohol is a depressant. It slows everything down.” I sighed. “We need a way to check if he’s still breathing.”

Maybe I was being overly dramatic, but I didn’t know if this was just alcohol poisoning. I knew he was a drunk, and alcoholism went hand in hand with substance abuse. Those kinds of things were easier to get in the cities, but the lack of access wasn’t always a deterrent. For all I knew he was overdosing on something far worse than alcohol.

Sterling pulled a small square mirror out of his back packet. I lifted my right brow in question.

“What? I use it to make sure my hair’s not a total mess before I clock in at work. I can also make sure I don’t have anything in my teeth after lunch. Nothing worse than smiling at someone cute and having a big piece of broccoli or field snack stuck in your teeth.”

Vanity, thy name is Sterling…

“You were thinking I used it for something else, weren’t you?” he asked as he held the mirror up to Shane’s nose.

“Honestly? The thought had crossed my mind.”

“Yeah, well, you’re wrong. I don’t do that shit anymore. Carrying the mirror just became a habit.”

He sounded angry. Not that I really blamed him. I’d just accused him of something truly awful. I wasn’t wrong, but it was still shitty.

“Do you know CPR?” I asked, changing the subject.

“No. Do you?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I was a lifeguard at the community pool all through high school.”

“Oh. Well, good. Great.” He sat back on his heels with a sigh. “This is really bad.”

No shit, Sterling…

“Yeah, well, sometimes shit like this needs to happen. Maybe now he’ll wake the fuck up.”

He looked up at me and there was a profound sadness in his eyes. “This is all my fault.”

“Bullshit. You didn’t force him to drink. You’re not his babysitter. He made his own damn choices.”

Pot meet kettle…

“Shut up, brain. I don’t need your shit right now,” I muttered under my breath.

“Did you say something?”

“Nothing important. I’m going to wait outside. If he stops breathing, scream.”

Sterling frowned. “You mean shout?”

“No. A shout is loud. A scream can be heard in ZuZu City.”

The pungent aroma of Marnie’s animal pens was better than the stench in Shane’s room. How could a person live like that? I scoffed. The answer was simple. He wasn’t living. He was existing and that was just so sad.

I didn’t know his history. I didn’t know why he and Jas were living with Marnie, where their parents were, or what drove him to drink himself into oblivion every single night. It wasn’t for lack of trying. Everyone else in this town was an open book. Not Shane. The only things I knew about him were that he had the same shitty taste in beer that Sterling did, he worked at Joja Mart, and he was a colossal asshole.

I leaned against the wooden fence and sighed. This was not the way I wanted this night to end. The joy of the festival seemed so far away now. I should just go home. It had been enough time. Marnie and the doc should be arriving any minute. Shane would be fine. He and Sterling kept Harvey on his toes and made sure he always had all the things to bring them back.

As the adrenaline faded, the exhaustion started to settle in. My bed was so far away. What the fuck was I doing here? Why did I follow after Sterling? What was the freaking point? What had I wanted to accomplish? Everything was so damn confusing.

When I moved here, I made a promise to myself. I would protect my peace at all costs. Amber had broken everything about me. I wasn’t always like this: closed off, sarcastic, even bitchy. Despite my soul-sucking job, I was cheerful, sometimes to the point of being saccharine. I could always find the joy in a situation, even if the house was burning down around me. If Amber was mad at me, it was because she loved me and wanted me to do better. When she started controlling what I ate, what I wore, and what music I listened to, I saw the silver linings in all of it. Little by little, I lost pieces of myself to her spell and before I knew it, my smile was gone.

When I made that promise, I hadn’t counted on Sterling. When I walked into Pierre’s for the first time and saw him standing there stocking produce into display bins, I nearly tripped over my own two feet. Auburn hair that was artfully careless, bright blue eyes, and a thousand-watt smile that did funny things to my insides. I almost didn’t notice the small black hoop earring in his left ear or the two smaller hoops in the cartilage near the top. I don’t know how long I stood there, staring at him. It had been appalling long, I know that much for sure. Visually, he was everything I looked for in a guy. Then he opened his mouth and that voice. Oh, dear Yoba, his voice was made for whispering sweet nothings and naughty promises.

I found myself thinking about him as I worked on the farm. I’d imagine what he’d look like with his shirt off, those muscles contracting and flexing as he hoed the fields. I had a major crush and that scared the ever-loving shit out of me. I shut it down and built thick walls around it.

That’s how it started with Amber. She was a barista at the coffee shop on campus. Stunningly gorgeous, my crush was almost instantaneous. I started going to the coffee shop every morning just to hear her say my name when my coffee order was ready. Even when I really couldn’t afford it, I’d still be in there. I racked up so many loyalty rewards that semester.

I heard she was quitting and my heart almost shattered. I’d mustered up all my courage and asked her out. To my great surprise, she’d said yes. Two months later we were living in a shitty one-bedroom apartment just off campus, blissfully in love.

That was the beginning of my end. I had fought so hard to get to where I was. I couldn’t let Sterling in. I just couldn’t. I was too weak to stand on my own. He would become my whole world and the pieces that made me me would slowly fall away.

The sound of voices coming from the forest brought me out of my head. Marnie, Doc Harvey, and Clint came into the clearing a few seconds later. The men were both carrying small flashlights and Doc Harvey had his small leather medical bag in his other hand. Marnie was wringing her hands nervously.

“Hey, Doc. He’s in his room. Sterling’s with him, making sure he’s still breathing. We got him on his side in case he threw up.”

Harvey nodded. “Good job. I’ll check him out and then Clint will help me get him back to the clinic. It’s good that he has people like you and Marnie watching over him.”

I wouldn’t have been here if it hadn’t been for Sterling, but okay. I shrugged. I was too tired to correct him.

The three adults went into the house, leaving me alone in the darkness once again. I took a deep breath through my nose and exhaled slowly through my mouth. The cavalry had arrived. I could go home with a clear conscience.

My feet seemed rooted to the spot. The sounds of the night surrounded me. The gentle song of crickets, the soft splash of the breakers in the small lake hitting the dock, and the trill of tree frogs comforted me and eased the ache between my eyes.

Sterling’s heavy, booted footsteps broke the spell. He came to my side and sighed heavily.

“You good?” I asked softly.

He tilted his head back, closing his eyes. “Yeah, Rosebud. I’m okay.”

“That could have been you, you know.”

It was like kicking him when he was already down, but it needed to be said.

“I know.”

“It’s not going to change anything, though, is it?”

“Maybe.”

I snorted. I’d believe it when I saw it.

"Sterling, look at me ."

He lowered his head with a sigh. "I'm not going to like this, am I?" he asked as turned to face me. 

He kept his eyes averted, looking everywhere but my face. I couldn't tell if he was trying to avoid seeing the expression on my face or if he didn't want me to see what was going on in his own head. 

"About last night. Look me in the eye and tell me you would have gotten off the tracks before the train sped through."

His silence was all the answer I needed. 

“I saw your argument earlier. What pissed him off?” I asked, needing to change topics. 

His shoulders slumped. “After talking to you, I stopped drinking. The more sober I got, the angrier he got. He called me a pussy for listening to you and then said he wasn’t going to let all the beer he brought go to waste.”

“Did you stop because of me?”

Did I want to know the answer? Did I want to know that I was making a difference?

“I dunno. Maybe. I guess…I guess I was just tired of seeing the disappointment in your eyes. I thought maybe…ah, hell. I don’t know what I thought. I can’t get you out of my head.”

Ah, crap. Nope, I didn’t want to hear this. Not when my mind was spinning like a top and I couldn’t catch my breath.

“Rosebud?”

I sighed. “I’m sorry, Sterling. I’m exhausted and this has been a crazy night. We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Want me to walk you home? I kinda want to clear my head. The walk will help.”

“Not tonight. I need to clear my thoughts too and I can’t do that when you’re around.”

“Okay. Sure. Text me when you get home?”

I nodded. “You do the same. And don’t go near any train stations, dammit. My heart can’t take it.”

“Take care, beautiful,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Beautiful? Me? He thinks I’m beautiful? Fuck me…

“Good night, dork,” I returned, walking away.

I was almost at the crossroad when a thought came to me.

“Hey, Sterling?”

“Yeah?”

“During the Egg Hunt, you looked like you wanted to say something to me. What was it?”

“Oh. I finally noticed your shirt and I wanted to tell you how much I liked it. Sunflowers are my favorite flower.”

Of course they are.

I could feel his eyes on me all the way until I crossed into the small copse of trees that lined the river separating Marnie’s ranch from Roseville Farm. I was never so glad to see the warm glow of my porchlight. Soon, I would be inside my cozy little cabin, headed for my bed and the blissful oblivion of sleep. 

Chapter Text

I smiled as I surveyed the contents of my shipping bin: several dark green bunches of curly kale, plump white parsnips, and about a dozen red potatoes that were larger than my hand. This was one of the best harvests of the season.

When Lewis drops off my gold for this bunch, I am so going to the saloon for a couple of slices of pizza and a beer. I’ve earned it.

It had been a very long week. I had unintentionally overslept the day after the Egg Festival, so I’d gotten a late start. The absolute glee on Gunther’s face, when he saw what I had brought in from the mines, made the long trek with the heavy backpack worth it. He took a few of the best pieces for the museum’s collection, leaving me with plenty to sell to Clint.

The amount of gold that he offered for the gemstones and ores I collected had been staggering. I had more than enough to pay for my chicken coop. With the remaining coins, I would be able to get a couple of chickens and still have enough to get my summer seeds.

Immediately after leaving the blacksmith’s shop, I headed up the mountain to Robin’s workshop to put in my order. It wasn’t even summer yet and I was making such amazing progress. Between my spring harvests and now farm-fresh eggs, money wouldn’t be so tight next season. I might be able to finally build that furnace Clint was telling me about. Then I could finally start upgrading my tools. Things were finally starting to look up.

Once the coop was paid for, and Robin had scheduled a day to come by to get started, all that was left was to get the space cleared. I had the perfect spot picked out. Grandpa had fenced off a large area for his animals and I didn’t see any reason not to do the same. It had plenty of grass and there was a shaded area where they could get out of the sun. It was literally perfect.

It had taken me an entire day to clear out all the debris that had built up in the paddock. The payoff was worth it, though. I was able to gather all the wood and stone Robin would need to build my chicken coop, and enough wild seeds to replace the crops that would be ready for harvest soon. I should be able to get a few more harvests of spring crops before the brutal heat of the summer descended on the valley.

Robin wouldn’t let me help build my coop. She said something about building permits and licensing. I had a feeling she just didn’t want me in the way. I spent the time clearing more stone, weeds, and trees to make room for larger fields. I found the perfect spot to start a small orchard. Pierre had plenty of fruit tree saplings for sale. I wouldn’t get fruit this first year, but the flowering trees would add a touch of beauty to the farm.

I closed the lid on the bin with a happy sigh. I glanced over my shoulder at the cheerful, bright red building that would soon house my chickens. It took three full days for the coop to be built. It had just enough room for four chickens plus a food trough, water dish, and a small heater to keep the birds warm through the winter. While browsing Robin’s catalog of available farm buildings, she pointed out the upgrades she could add on to the building in the future. Beyond expanding the space inside, she could add an incubator so I could hatch my birds and even an auto feeder to keep everyone fed.

I had been like a kid in a candy store looking at all the other buildings I could add. A barn, a silo, a windmill, even a fishpond. Eventually, I would have to decide what direction I wanted to take Roseville Farms. I could become a rancher like Marnie and focus more on animals and the artisan goods I could make from what I gathered from them. Sticking with farming and harvesting crops for sale was also an option. Or I could even turn the land into an orchard and focus on tree crops. The options were truly endless.

This first year I would just be focusing on getting the land cleared and getting as much gold saved up as possible. The future of Roseville didn’t need to be decided right this second.

I checked my watch. It was just past noon. I could run by Marnie’s ranch to get my chicks, bring them home, and still have plenty of time to get some fishing in. Willie was paying top dollar for river fish this week and the river on my farm was teeming with fish.

I put my tools away, grabbed my backpack, and headed off to the south, visions of fluffy yellow chicks dancing in my mind. Omelets, over easy eggs with buttered toast to sop up the runny yolk, scrambled eggs with fresh chives and cheddar cheese…my mouth was watering just thinking about all the amazing things I would be able to make with eggs from my chickens. What was I going to name them?

The sounds of Marnie’s animals greeted me as I reached the crossroads. It was such a cheerful sound. I could totally see myself waking up to that sound every morning.

One point in the rancher column, I guess.

Marnie wasn’t at the counter she had set up in her house to conduct business. She was probably out back and would be back soon. I was impatient to purchase my chickens, but I could wait a little bit longer.

A loud belch coming from Shane’s room made me curl my lip in disgust. He had spent three days in the clinic after getting his stomach pumped. We had all hoped that this would be a turning point in his life. Sounds like we were all wrong.

“Hey! Hey, Shane! I got a joke for you.”

Sweet Yoba, no.

I knew that voice. What. The. Actual. Fuck?

I stepped closer to Shane’s door so I could hear better. Maybe he was just here to keep Shane company so he wouldn’t wind up poisoning himself again. Even Sterling wouldn’t be that stupid.

“What do you get when you mix Vodka and Holy Water?”

“What?”

“The Holy Spirit! Get it?”

I groaned inwardly. That was a terrible joke, even by Sterling’s standards. The slur to his words confirmed my suspicions. He was three sheets to the wind and on his way to four.

Shane gave a loud snort. “I’m not inviting you over anymore, loser.”

Bullshit. No one else in this town can stand your ass. You won’t give up the only person who tolerates you.

“Psht. You can’t live without me, dumbass. Shut the fuck up.”

I rolled my eyes. When would Sterling finally realize that this “friendship” was completely one-sided?

“You’re only good for passing the beer. Hand one over,” Shane demanded.

“Can’t. Too drunk. Sorry.”

My hands clenched into fists. It was barely past noon. For these two, with their high alcohol tolerance, to be in this state they would have had to start drinking sometime after breakfast.

“I’m going to call Mia. Have her come over and kick your ass.”

No need to bother Mia. I’m right here. I couldn’t believe this was happening. How idiotic could they be? Shane, it wasn’t much of a stretch. But Sterling? I thought sure I had gotten through to him that night.

“Ha! You can’t! She thinks I’m at Gunther’s, organizing the library or some shit.” Sterling broke into a fit of giggles. “Oh, Yoba, I am so fucked up,” he said after he caught his breath.

No, you’re about to be.

I could feel myself start to tremble as the anger churned in my gut. I felt like the last few weeks had been a complete and utter waste of my time. I let myself care. That was on me, sure. It was the complete and total lack of respect that sent my blood boiling. It was like my words, my feelings, meant nothing.

“Oh, man, I have no idea how I’m s’posed to work tomorrow,” Sterling said with a sigh.

Just like you do every day, moron.

“Welcome to the club,” Shane replied bitterly. “This is how real men actually work. You get up, take a hit, and work the same nine-to-five job hungover out of your mind until the day your miserable life is over.”

I scoffed quietly. A “real man,” huh? Please. Shane wouldn’t know a “real man” if he came up and kissed him on the lips.

I should probably walk away from this door. Go find Marnie, get my chickens, and leave these two idiots to their…idiocy. Something kept me rooted to the spot.

“Not too different from the city, really,” Sterling said sadly.

Oh goodie. We’ve reached the melancholy stage. Fantastic. Maybe that means they’ll both pass out soon.

“No, not really. But, for what it’s worth? I’m happy you’re here, man. You just…get me,” Shane replied.

No, scratch that. We’ve reached the “overly sentimental” stage.

Sterling snorted. “You mean someone willing to give you a run for your money drinking yourself into an early grave?”

“You know what? I’m not gonna be nice t’ you anymore.”

Were you ever, asshole? You don’t have a kind bone in your wretched body.

“For the record, I’m happy to have met you, too. Thought I’d be leaving my friends in the city forever. But with you here, it’s like you carry a piece of them with you. It’s comforting.”

Comforting? Thoughts of that night at the train station came unbiddenly to the front of my mind. The texts he sent me. The conversations we had. If Shane was comforting…what was I?

“You know, what, we should toast to that,” Sterling said after a long silent stretch.

“Yeah, sure. Here’s to new beer!”

“And many more to come!”

There were a few heartbeats of silence while they drank their toast. I was about to walk away, thinking the conversation was over when Shane’s irritating voice caught my attention again.

“What’s your little girlfriend going to think about all this?”

“Who? Rosebud?”

“Yeah, her. She’d be so pissed if she knew you were here.”

Oh, buddy, if you only knew.

“Pft. What she doesn’t know can’t hurt me.”

The chain I had woven around my anger snapped. Before I knew what was happening, I was kicking down Shane’s bedroom door, ripping it off two of its hinges. The two men stared at me, their eyes wide with shock and confusion. I stood on the threshold, my chest heaving, my knee and hip aching from the impact.

Sterling recovered first. “Rosebud? What are you doing here?”

“I’m done,” I said. Despite the white-hot anger coursing through my veins, my words were soft and cold.

“Holy shit, what the fuck did you do to my door?” Shane demanded.

I met Sterling’s gaze and repeated myself. “I’m done. I’m done with you, I’m done with your bullshit, and I’m done cleaning up your fucking messes. Do you hear me? I’m done.”

“Good! He doesn’t need you. He’s got me.”

“Oh fuck off, Shane. You almost died last week, you moron! If we hadn’t found you when we did your heart could have stopped! Or you could have choked on your own fucking vomit! And here you are at fucking noon on a Wednesday so fucking drunk you can’t even stand up straight! When are you going to wake up and realize that your actions are hurting your family!? You should have seen Marnie’s face! She was terrified, you ass.”  

He hadn’t been expecting me to turn my vitriol on him. He just stood there, his mouth open in shock, his eyes out of focus.

“Rosebud, I’m sor-“

“My name is Samantha. Only my friends are allowed to call me by a nickname.”

He winced like I had slapped him. Maybe I was doing more harm than good with this tirade, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was at the end of my very short rope. My eyes started to burn with unshed tears. I turned to go. I would be damned if I let them see me cry.

“Roseb—Samantha. Wait. Don’t go.”

I wheeled back around. “No! You don’t get to make demands of me anymore. You are so mired in your own tub of dog shit that you can’t even see what he’s doing to you. You were doing so good, Sterling. Abby said you hadn’t shown up to work hungover since the Egg Festival. What changed? What happened that made you take such a colossal step back?”

One lone tear fell down my cheek. “You know what? Forget it. I don’t give a shit anymore. Don’t call or text me. No more songs, no more jokes. Nothing. Just…forget you ever met me.”

“I can’t do that.”

His voice trembled and I could see his eyes welling up.

“Not my problem. Have a nice life, Sterling. Or don’t. I don’t care.”

Marnie was coming out of the little shed behind her house as I entered her front yard. She took one look at my face and opened her arms.

“I can’t. Thank you, but if you hug me, I’ll start crying and I won’t be able to stop.”

“I understand, dear.” She wiped her hands on her bright yellow apron. “Did you need something?”

I sniffled. I had almost forgotten about my chickens. “Robin finished my chicken coop yesterday and I was here to get some chickens. Found a couple of pigs instead.”

Marnie smiled sadly. “I’m sorry.” She glanced toward the house and shook her head. “I haven’t been to Roseville in a while. I’ve been wanting to see the improvements you’ve been making. Why don’t you go on home, and I’ll be by shortly with four chicks. They came from one of my best layers so they should be perfect for you.”

“You don’t have to do that. I can just come back tomorrow. It’s fine.”

“I have a feeling I don’t want to go in there right now. The walk will do me good.”

“Thanks, Marnie. I appreciate it.” I looked over my shoulder toward the house. “You should know, I kicked in Shane’s door. Have Robin send me the bill for the repair.”

“That’s okay, dear. Don’t worry about it. My nephew will take care of it.”

I nodded. “Okay. Still, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sure he deserved it. Now you go on home, and I’ll see you soon.”

The anger and adrenaline faded with each heavy step I took toward home. I let a few more tears fall to bleed the poison. Later tonight, after the sun had set, and I was safely inside my home, I’d have an epic, ugly cry. I was such an idiot. I’d let him in, and this was my reward.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket. I was tempted to ignore it, but it could be Abby. I pulled it out and checked my messages.

Sterling: What did you mean by tub of dog shit?

You’ve got to be kidding me. All the things I said and that’s what stuck?

Me: We’re sorry. The wireless customer you are trying to reach refuses to speak to you until you grow the fuck up. Please try your message again never.

Childish and petty? Maybe. Satisfying? Oh, yes.

Sterling: Yeah, I deserve that. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.

I left him on read. I’d limit my visits to Pierre’s to Sunday so I wouldn’t run into him. I would definitely have to avoid the saloon, which meant my pizza fix would have to go unsatisfied. Unless I could convince Gus to start offering delivery.

After Marnie left and I’d made sure my new chicken babies were safe and secure, I was headed to the mines. Killing a bunch of monsters and swinging my pickaxe at a bunch of rocks would be the perfect way to work off some of this anger and frustration.

My peace was battered, but it wasn’t broken. I would recover. I would be okay. It might take me a bit, but I’d get my head on right again. If I was honest, I’d miss the big marshmallow. But those warm, fuzzy feelings he stirred up in me weren’t worth all the drama that came along with them.

It had taken me a long time to find my worth and I deserved better than this. I would throw myself into my farm and my life here at Roseville and forget all about that jackass from East Scarp.

Even if it did hurt like a bitch…

Chapter Text

He'd tried texting me a few times since that afternoon at Marnie’s. I didn’t read them. What would be the point? They were just going to make me angry, and I was tired of being angry.

I’d had my ugly cry. I’m pretty sure Elliot could hear my sobs all the way down at the beach. I woke up the next morning with a raging headache and fierce determination to move on. We hadn’t been a couple. Hell, we were barely friends. I threw myself into my farm and pushed all thoughts of Sterling Cooper out of my mind.

Or, at least, I tried too. The big dork kept creeping into my thoughts. Even the most innocuous thing would remind me of something he’d said or done. I worked myself to the point of complete exhaustion every single day just so my brain would be quiet.

Then, the rain came. Four solid days of non-stop downpours. The river that marked the southern border of my farm rose so high I actually worried it would spill its banks.

On the first day, I tried clearing more debris in the eastern fields. I had to give up a few hours in. The rain made the axe handle slippery. Swinging the stupid thing opened old blisters and created new ones. I needed to get some heavy leather work gloves to protect my hands. That would have to wait for Sunday, though.

After putting my axe away, I tried to do a little fishing. That was a mistake because, with fishing, there was nothing to do but think. Thinking right now was dangerous. I took my three little trout and headed back to the house. Abby had sent me a text earlier asking me to come over for video games and homemade chocolate chip cookies. I asked if the offer still stood and with her enthusiastic yes, I headed to Pierre’s. She agreed to let me in the back door so I wouldn’t run into him.

When I woke up the next morning to yet another soggy beginning, my mood soured further. I took care of my chickens. Little Nugget, Katsu, A La King, & Curry were getting so big. I felt bad that they couldn’t get out and run. They hated the rain almost as much as I did.

Once the farm chores were done, I headed to the mine. That’s where I stayed until well after dark. I cleared at least twenty floors during that time. I kept the good stuff for Gunther and the rest got dumped into my shipping bin for Clint. At least I would be getting a decent amount of gold for my efforts.

I was never so glad to see the sun as I was the day the rain finally stopped. My body was stiff and sore from all the work I had been doing in the mines. I needed to build that furnace today. Once I got some ores smelted, I could have Clint upgrade my tools. The things Grandpa left behind were functional, but with improvements, I wouldn’t have to swing as hard. Plus there were some large boulders and felled trees that I just couldn’t break right now. They were stalling my progress.

After a quick breakfast, I sat down and made my to-do list. It was Sunday so I could finally head into town and take care of errands. I needed to drop off my museum donations for sure. Besides the usual gemstones, I’d found some interesting artifacts that I was sure Gunther would lose his mind over. I should probably hit up Clint first, though. I’d gotten a bunch of geodes I needed cracked open. I could get an estimate on a copper upgrade on my tools.

Axe first, I think. I have so many fucking trees to cut down. Then the pickaxe. I wonder if he can upgrade my hoe too.

I also wanted to talk to Marlon about getting a new sword. The deeper I went into the mines, the tougher the monsters got. The old, rusty sword Marlon had given me when I joined the Adventurer’s Guild just wasn’t cutting it anymore.

I twirled my pen as I thought about what else I needed to accomplish today. I should probably talk to Robin about expanding my house. A real kitchen and a real bedroom sounded like a dream right now. I was doing okay with my microwave, toaster oven, and hot plate, but with a real kitchen, I could make my own damn pizza. Then I wouldn’t have to go to The Stardrop Saloon to scratch the itch for cheesy goodness and risk running into them.

I sighed. It was so stupid to base my life around avoiding two people, especially when the population was less than 50 people. It was just easier to avoid them than try to keep my temper in check.

Protect your peace, whatever the cost.

Eventually, I would go back to my normal routine and stop saving everything up for Sunday. I’d stop wanting to punch Sterling in his stupid, adorable face, and be in the same room as him without wanting to scream.

I made a quick shopping list for Pierre’s, grabbed my backpack, and headed for town. The trail was full of puddles, but everything just looked so much greener. The warmth of the sun on my skin felt so good. Rain was good for the crops, but four days was a bit much.

Truth be told, I had been trying to figure out why I’d had such a visceral reaction to Sterling’s…what was it, exactly. Betrayal felt too strong. Idiocy felt too charitable. And why was I so damn invested in him? Like, okay, I had this massive crush. But that’s all it was. Right? And it’s not like I could really judge him for dealing with life’s pressures in his own way. I ran away from all of my problems.

Instead of talking to Amber, and telling her how I felt, I just quietly sold off most of my possessions and started saving up to get the hell out. One morning, after she left for “work”, I packed up what little I had left and moved to Pelican Town. I blocked her number in my phone and went through all my social media accounts and blocked her there too. I just stuck my head in the sand and worked hard.

Maybe that’s what made me so angry. My life sucked, but I wasn’t trying to find absolution at the bottom of several bottles. I was able to get up every morning and face my day without alcohol, so why couldn’t he? Why couldn’t he just put the bottle down?

Dog shit, that’s why. He left the city to get away from his toxic friends and immediately fell in with Shane, the one person in this tiny ass town who reminded him of those people. He made this huge decision to get away from all of that and all he did was trade one tub of dog shit for another.

He was playing chicken with trains just to feel alive. His “friend” got so mad that he stopped drinking for one Yoba damned day that he nearly got his wish for an early grave. And then less than a week later, they were both wasted at noon on a Wednesday. Why couldn’t he see how fucked up that was? Why couldn’t he see how much he was hurting the people around him? Why couldn’t he see how much I cared? Why couldn’t he see me?

I stopped in my tracks, a small gasp escaping my lips. Fuck. That’s it. Right there. That was everything. Somehow, despite all my efforts to the contrary, Sterling had wormed his way past all my roadblocks and I was so far beyond “crush.” It wasn’t love. Love took way more time to develop than just a few weeks.

I was mad because alcohol was more important to him than me. For fuck’s sake, how did I let this happen?

As I started walking again, my thoughts were all over the place. What was I going to do with this newfound revelation? Telling him was out of the question. For one, a relationship would not cure his problems. In fact, it might even make things worse. For two, I couldn’t be with him, not with the way things were. He had to choose sobriety on his own, for his own reasons. It couldn’t be because of me. That would only lead to resentment and bitterness on both our parts.

No, it was best if I just kept my mouth shut. I didn’t even know if he returned my feelings. Sure, he flirted with me, but I had a feeling he flirted with everyone. If I told him I was starting to fall for him, and he didn’t feel the same I would be right back where I started a month ago.

Hell,  I didn’t even know if I wanted a relationship with anyone. Just because I caught a major case of the feels didn’t mean I needed to act on it. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to be friends with him. I didn’t know how to keep myself separate from my partner. Sterling didn’t deserve to be my rebound. He deserved—

I ran into something warm and solid. I lost my footing on the slippery cobblestones and landed on my ass right in the middle of a large puddle with a small scream and a large splash.

I sat for a second, my tailbone aching from the impact with the ground, trying to figure out just how I got into this position. I was headed to the museum. How…?

“Rosebud! Are you okay?”

Sterling stood above me, his eyes wide in surprise, concern, and confusion. Why was he wearing his work uniform?

“It’s Sunday,” I said, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What? Did you hit your head? It’s Saturday.”

“No. It’s Sunday. It has to be. I counted the days…ah, crap. The rain threw me off. Dammit.”

“Here, let me help you up.” He reached out his hand, his fingers trembling slightly.

Is he nervous? I did yell at him the last time I saw him. Maybe he’s scared I’ll do it again.

I stared at his hand like it was the first time I had ever seen such a thing. A fresh coat of shiny black nail polish coated each fingernail. The tremble was noticeable, but not bad. I remembered what had happened the last time he took my hand. That night at the train station, when I’d helped him out of a similar situation, the feeling of his hand in mine had felt so right. That night was the beginning of my downfall.

“Ro…Samantha?”

My name sounded weird on his lips. I took his hand. The bastard didn’t even need to brace himself to help me up. Just like the last time, I found myself too close. Yoba, he was tall. And warm. This close, his eyes were so fucking blue. I’d never seen a shade of blue like it. Blue eyes were often cold. Not Sterling’s. They were warm and so full of life. And so clear. There was no haze clouding his gaze. The normal pinched look he had on his face from the too-bright lights and too-loud sounds was gone.

Has he always smelled this good? I asked myself as I took a deep breath.

Sterling cleared his throat and looked away from me.

The spell was broken. I let go of his hand and stepped back, giving myself some breathing room. What the hell even happened? I glanced around at my surroundings. I was at Pierre’s General Store. Why was I here? I was supposed to be going to the museum first.

Sterling. My thoughts of him had moved my feet toward him without me even realizing it.

“What happened?” I asked, confused.

“You were coming into the store just as I was coming out. Pierre caught my attention, so I wasn’t looking where I was going, and we collided.” He rubbed the back of his neck, and his cheeks turned a little pink. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. I wasn’t paying attention either.” I sighed. “You…never mind. I should go.”

“Hey, wait. Don’t go yet.”

My feet hadn’t moved. I was stuck. Just like every other time I was with him.

“What do you need?” I asked.

“I just…Can we talk? Not right now, but soon? Like, tonight, after I get off work.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him no. I had so much to say but I wasn’t ready to say it. And I really wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. His expression was so hopeful and there was a tiny bit of desperation in his eyes. I found myself nodding before I could stop myself.

“Yeah, okay.”

His smile hurt my heart. He was so relieved. “Really?”

I couldn’t help the small laugh. “Yes, really. Dork.”

“Okay, wow. Wasn’t expecting you to say yes. How about we meet at our spot around 7? That way I can change out of this stupid uniform.”

We have a spot? Oh! The train station.

“Sure. Sounds good. I’ll, uh, see you then.”

I gave him a small smile and turned to go back home. I wasn’t about to run around the valley in wet jeans.

“See you soon…Rosebud,” he said quietly.

The smile that nickname brought to my face was just ridiculous.

I was a bundle of nerves all day. I got all the way up to Robin’s and completely forgot why I was there. I went to the museum before I had Clint crack open my geodes, so I had to backtrack. By the time I was done, Pierre’s was closed.

My stomach grumbled as I thought about how empty my tiny refrigerator was. I wouldn’t be able to wait another week to get groceries. There were only so many dishes I could make with parsnips and fish. I would have to go on a supply run tomorrow.

I guess it all depends on how tonight goes, I thought as I started toward home.

I was still so irritated with him, but I was willing to hear what he had to say. Being angry all the time was exhausting. Tonight would either be a fresh beginning or a night of absolute closure. I just wasn’t sure which one I wanted.  

Molly was lounging on the front porch when I walked up. She opened one eye and flicked her tail when I walked past her. I smiled.

Looks like everyone is enjoying the sunshine.

I took a long, hot shower, spending extra time exfoliating the rough calluses and dry patches that had developed from all the time I had spent outdoors. I didn’t have a hair dryer so to keep my hair under control, I plaited my hair into a quick French braid. I stared at my makeup bag for way longer than necessary.

This is not a date. There’s no need for all of this. But I guess a little eye makeup wouldn’t hurt.

I kind of missed wearing makeup every day. Not the full face with contouring, highlighter, perfect winged eyeliner, and false lashes. That shit took forever to put on and I never recognized the person staring back at me in the mirror when I was all done up that way. Some women felt more confident wearing makeup. Not me. I actually felt more self-conscious and uncomfortable. A little shimmery eye shadow and some mascara and I was good to go.

It was the little things that I missed. I knew going into this that I would have to make some sacrifices and I was more than willing to make them. I just didn’t realize how much I would miss Iced Caramel Macchiatos, grocery delivery, pizza delivery, sushi, and bookstores. When I pulled my first parsnip from the dirt the amount of pride and joy that flooded through me when I held this thing that I grew with my own hands made all of the sacrifices worth it.

I chose a sky-blue T-shirt and a pair of black denim jeans. I tied a blue and black flannel around my waist. Even though summer was just around the corner, the nights could still get a little chilly.

I was tying the laces on my boots when my phone vibrated in my back pocket.

Sterling:  I’m *starving*. What do u like on ur pizza? My treat.

Me: I’m good with anything, really. Just no anchovies or green peppers.

Sterling: Cool. Cola okay?

Me: If it’s Joja Cola, absolutely not. Any other Cola is fine. But if Gus has Dr. Pepper, I’d prefer that.

Sterling: Got it. One BBQ water. ROFL

Me: Dork. :p

I slipped my phone into my back pocket with a small frown. He was bringing soda for me, but what was he bringing for himself? If he brought beer, I’d leave. Period. I’d listen to what he had to say, but not if he’d been drinking. I refused to listen to another slurred word.

I made sure Molly had kibble and that her water fountain was full. I didn’t know how late it would be when I got home. I didn’t need another hairball on my pillow. She always came up with the most creative punishments when I didn’t meet her lofty expectations.

I decided to take the northern trail to the mountain pass. I hadn’t been up that way in a bit. Since the only people who really used this trail were me, Robin, and Linus,  the forage up there was some of the best in the valley. I left my backpack at home so I couldn’t gather anything, but I could make note of what was available and come back tomorrow.

The butterflies in my stomach got worse with every step I took. I had no idea what to expect from this conversation. I didn’t even know what I wanted to hear from him. An apology? A confession of his undying love and affection?

Ugh. Definitely not. I’d have to let him down and I don’t want to see the expression on his face when that happens. If that happens.

I waved at Linus as I came into the clearing with Robin’s house. He nodded in greeting and went back to his dinner. I felt a small twinge of guilt. I should have checked on him during the rainstorms earlier this week. I made a mental note to bring him some fish sometime this week. He wouldn’t accept charity, but maybe he would have some forage I could trade him for.

The train station was empty when I arrived. I had the shorter walk so I wasn’t really surprised. What was surprising was just how quiet it was up here. I really hadn’t noticed the last time I was here, what with the train whistle and Sterling’s music. Even in Pelican Town, there was this…vibration, a hum of electricity and human life. Up here, halfway up the mountain, with only the bathhouse and the train station, it was just so silent.

I sat on the same bench I used that night and waited, impatiently, for Sterling to arrive. My mind kept creating all kinds of scenarios and none of them were doing my nerves any favors. If he didn’t arrive soon, I’d probably explode.

“Heyo, Rosebud! Hope I didn’t keep you waiting!”

He came into the light and my breath froze in my chest. My heart started racing so hard I was sure he could hear it beating. He’d replaced his black and white work uniform with a black T-shirt, orange button-down, and a pair of light-wash denim jeans. He was carrying a large pizza box in one hand and a six-pack of soda cans in the other.

Not a beer in sight…that’s a good sign. Wait...

“Gus has to-go boxes!?”

Sterling glanced at the box, confused. “Uh, yeah?”

“That jackass told me that I couldn’t take it home and I had to eat in the saloon,” I grumped.

He chuckled. “If you eat in the saloon, you’re more likely to drink more and spend more money.”

I’m on to you now, Gus. You just try that shit the next time I want to take my dinner to go.

He sat the pizza box on the bench next to me and sat on the edge of the other bench on the platform. “I got a supreme without peppers. I hope that’s okay. It covers all the bases when it comes to toppings. And Gus only has your barbecue water on tap, so I just grabbed cola. It’s not Joja, but it’s not a name brand either. And it’s not cold. Sorry.”

He was babbling. It was so cute.

Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit!

“Why do you call it barbecue water?” I asked, lifting the lid on the pizza box. The heavenly aroma of garlic, onions, sausage, and pepperoni filled my nose as I breathed deeply. I couldn’t wait to take a bite.

“Huh? Oh. I dunno. I heard someone call it that in a video online and it just kind of stuck.”

I shook my head. “I mean, it makes sense. I don’t think I’ll be able to think of it any other way now.”

I took a bite of my slice of pizza and nearly wept. Pizza was my absolute favorite food ever. I could literally eat it for every meal every day and never get sick of it. I couldn’t wait to be able to make it for myself with produce I grew on my own farm.

“So. You wanted to talk?”

He stared at his piece of pizza for a minute. “Yeah, but can we eat first? I forgot my lunch again.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m making you an entire box of field snacks. You can keep them in your locker at Pierre’s.”

“Bold of you to assume that Pierre gave me a locker. That penny pincher doesn’t even have a breakroom. I usually either eat lunch at their kitchen table or on a bench near the river.”

“Okay, then you can keep them in your room. Whatever. You need to start taking better care of yourself.”

There I go again with the mothering.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”

I sighed. “No. I’m sorry. I just…never mind. Eat your pizza.”

We ate in silence after that. I kept stealing glances at him out of the corner of my eye. How could someone look so damn good just eating pizza? When he brought his can of soda to his lips and took a long drink, I nearly died. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow. My gaze was transfixed, and I couldn’t look away. I was irrationally jealous of a soda can and felt absolutely ridiculous.

There were four pieces left when I finally cried uncle. He tried to insist that I take them home, but I shook my head.

“You just told me you forgot your lunch. Maybe if you have pizza to look forward to, you’ll be less likely to forget it.”

“I dunno about that. Mia makes me a bento box nearly every day and I still manage to forget it.”

I sighed. “Honestly, I don’t have room in my fridge for leftovers. It’s too small. Just take it.”

“Okay, okay, fine. You win.” He sighed. “Listen, about the other day…” he trailed off.

I braced myself. Here it comes…

“I know what I did was stupid. I didn’t go over there to get drunk. We were just supposed to hang out, you know? Play some video games, watch movies, and have some fun. He started drinking pretty early on. It felt weird not joining in, so, I did. The next thing I remember, you were kicking down his door and yelling at me.” He chuckled. “That was pretty impressive, by the way. You should have seen Robin’s face when she heard that you were the one to cause the damage. She thought it was Clint.”

I blushed. “Yeah, well, I was pissed.”

“No kidding. I’m pretty sure they heard you all the way out in the Gotoro Empire. And I deserved it. Every word.” He sighed. “I’m a mess, Rosebud.”

“Yeah, you are.” But you’re an adorable mess…shit.

“I told you about my friends in the city, right? And how all we ever did was drink and get high?”

I nodded. I didn’t think he remembered that conversation. I’d found him sitting on a park bench next to the pond near the Joja Mart. He’d been singing some ridiculous love song at the top of his lungs to a very annoyed duck. I’d tried to get him to let me walk him home, but he didn’t want Mia to see him wasted. They’d had an epic fight before he left for the saloon that night. He’d groused about how he was sick of women thinking they could fix him. Those words had stung. I wasn’t sure if I was included in that statement. He’d gotten melancholy after that, and word vomited about his ex-friends from the city. I just listened and nodded when appropriate, not really knowing what to say. When he was finished, I helped him get home.

“With Mia and Henry’s help, I realized what a fucked-up place I was in, and I moved here. Alcohol helped with the withdrawals from the drugs. I don’t know how Shane and I got to be friends. It was just like, one second we were strangers, the next we were hanging out at the saloon every night, getting wasted.”

“Can I ask you something?” I asked, wiggling the pop top on my soda can.

“Sure.”

“Besides drinking, what do you have in common with Shane?”

He sighed. “I don’t honestly know. We don’t really do much talking, ya know? It’s mostly just bitching about our jobs and small-town life. I think we like the same music. I like the stuff he plays, anyway. He’s just…easy.”

“Has anyone ever told you ‘The Dog Shit’ parable?”

“The what now?”

The pop top snapped off and I dropped it into the empty can. “It’s something I learned in therapy when I was in recovery from my eating disorder. It goes like this. There once was a man who lived in a tub of dog shit. It smelled disgusting, but it was all he had ever known. It was warm and comforting, ya know? He watched all these people coming and going, living their best lives, and he decided that he wanted to be like them. So he stood up. It was awful. It was cold and he was naked, vulnerable. People were staring. He couldn’t handle it, so he sat back down into his tub of dog shit where he felt safe and protected.”

“Did he ever get out?” he asked quietly.

I shrugged. “I like to think so. I like to think that maybe he found someone who saw through the dog shit and held his hand the next time he stood up. Someone who shielded him from other people’s stares and helped him take the first step completely out of the tub, helped him get cleaned up and gave him a reason to stay out of the tub. But also didn’t judge him if he ever fell back in.”

Sterling was quiet for a long time. I owed him an apology too. I’d been a total bitch. I had told Pierre that Sterling needed kindness and empathy, not anger and vitriol. And I completely lost my temper. Yelling at him wouldn’t accomplish anything. It wouldn’t get him out of his tub of dog shit. It would only sink him in further.

“So that’s what you meant the other day. Oh, man, I have been Googling the hell out of the phrase ‘tub of dog shit.’ I’ve gotten some really terrifying results.”

I sighed and shook my head. “You really are a dork, you know that?”

“Yeah, I do.” He popped open another soda. “I get it now. And I see what you’re saying. So what do I do? How do I get out of this tub of dog shit?”

“That’s up to you. And it has to be your choice to get out. If I yank you out, or Mia or Henry, or whomever, then it won’t really do you any good. The first step has to be yours.”

Really, Sterling had more than one tub of dog shit to deal with. He traded drugs for alcohol, and he traded his dipshit friends for Shane. Different tubs, same dog shit. He had to see it for himself and want to make the choice to walk away from it all. If I told him how I felt and how his choices were hurting me, I would be the reason. That wasn’t fair to him or me.

“I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“I know. It’s a hard decision to make.”

“Would…would you still be there if I…” he took a drink of his soda. “I don’t even know what I’m asking.”

“Would I still be here if you never decide to get out?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think so, Sterling. I can’t watch you sit there and destroy yourself. Beyond the interpersonal consequences, there are long-term health issues that come from long-term alcohol abuse. I just…can’t do that.”

He was silent for a long time. I couldn’t handle the quiet, so I got up and started pacing. I could tell that what I said had hurt him. I regretted how it made him feel, but not what I said. I would be there with him through a lot. I’d help him as he made the hard decisions. But if that decision was to continue doing what he was doing, then I would have to make a hard break.

Protect your peace…you are more important…protect your peace…

“I don’t…I don’t want to lose you,” he said finally. His voice was so small, my heart ached at the sound.

I’m right here. Please see that.

I sat on my bench with a heavy sigh. “Can I ask you another question?”

“Am I going to like this one?”

“Maybe?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “What are we?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he answered.

Of course you don’t. Dammit. “Are we friends?”

Are we more than that?

His silence was deafening. I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. I gasped at the anger I saw on his face. His blue eyes were electric under furrowed brows.

“What kind of bullshit question is that, Rosebud? Of course we’re friends.”

I brought the end of my braid around to the front and fiddled with the hair tie. We didn’t hang out. That night here at the train station was the first time we had spent any significant amount of time together. It was usually brief interactions at the saloon or at Pierre’s. I didn’t even have his phone number until the train station. Why was I so invested in this giant marshmallow? Why did I care so much about what happened to him? Why did I care at all?

“I don’t share music with just anyone, you know.”

“All I’ve ever done is take care of you. I’ve held your hair back when you puked in Gus’ trash can. I’ve brought you field snacks when you’ve forgotten your lunch and walked you home when you were too damn drunk to make it on your own. Hell, I ran halfway up this stupid mountain to save you from falling off the peak in the dark. What about any of that screams ‘BFF’?”

He chuckled. “Yoba, when you put it that way…”

“I’m serious, Sterling. What are we doing? I like you, okay? And I want to get to know you better. But…” I sighed. “Being around Drunk Sterling is getting really tiring.”

“What about you?” he asked softly. “Everyone else in this town is an open book. With you, I’ve only ever gotten the cover. You always hold your cards so close to your chest.”

I sighed. He was right. I really didn’t share much with him. Most of the time he was so damn out of it, I wasn’t sure he’d remember anything I said so I didn’t waste my time. Besides, each little fact he learned was another weapon he could use against me and the massive wall I put between us. Not that it mattered, though. The little weasel got past my defenses anyway.

“Rosebud?”

“Sorry. I got lost for a second. Just…give me a minute.”

If I opened that door and let him, let him past my walls, I knew what would happen. He’d start taking pieces of me. A little bit here and there until nothing was left but the shell. I’d be beholden to him for everything. Nothing would be mine anymore. Even if we never went past the friend stage, especially if we never went past the friend stage, I would be lost.

Been there, done that. I don’t know if there would be enough left of me to pick back up if it happened again.

I knew the signs now. I had all the red flags memorized, the words and actions tattooed on my memory with indelible ink. Maybe I could try? Just a small piece and see how he handles it. Did I trust him that much?

“What do you want to know?”

“Oh. Wasn’t expecting that. Okay, um. That parable you told me. You said you heard it while you were in recovery from an eating disorder. Did I fuck up by bringing pizza?”

Yikes…he came out swinging for fences. Well, buckle up, buttercup. It’s about to get messy.

“No, you’re fine. I’ve been in recovery for about 10 years now. It was never about my weight or how I looked in the mirror. It was about control. My mom is a nurse at the biggest hospital in Zuzu City. She’s the head of the ophthalmology team and she’s damn good at her job. Always has been. My dad is an attorney at a pretty prestigious law firm. When I left he was about 30 seconds away from becoming a full partner. All this to say, they had very specific plans for me.”

The heaviness that I’d felt all those years ago started settling around me. That rock that lived in my stomach formed and filled me up, my dinner threatening to come back up. I lay my hands on my thighs and clenched them into fists. I breathed deeply through my nose and let it out slowly through my lips, counting to eight.

“Their shit started when I was about 10 years old. I’d been a straight-A student since kindergarten. I don’t know what it was about the fifth grade, but I was really struggling. When I got my first report card and I had mostly B’s and C’s I got grounded. 1 month for every B and 2 months for every C. I had to get up an hour early so I could study. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I had a private tutor that came to the house. On the weekends, I had to study. No TV, no video games, no toys. The only reason they let me read fiction books was because it helped my vocabulary. The cycle continued through middle school, and the punishments kept getting worse.

“I barely had any friends, ya know? Who wants to be friends with the weird girl who could never do anything after school or on the weekends? I wasn’t allowed to join any clubs. I wanted to join the choir, but I was forced to join the orchestra and learn the violin.”

They weren’t cruel. They just had expectations and I wasn’t living up to them. We had some happy times. Not many, but they were there. They were just strict and more than a little overbearing.

“First year of high school wasn’t so bad. Something clicked and I was doing better. Or maybe all those years of tutoring finally paid off. I was finally able to start doing things that I wanted to do. I was blossoming, flourishing. But when the second year started, that’s when things got…worse.” I took another deep breath.

“They really doubled down. They picked out my classes. It was a public school, but I still had to wear a uniform. I was so excited because they let me join clubs, but only the kind that looked good on a college application: student government, debate, mock trial. I was going to be a lawyer, you see, so I needed to be prepared.”

The old bitterness crept into my voice. I had been so miserable. This was what I liked to refer to as my “pre-sunshine” phase. Funny how life runs in cycles.

“Did you want to be a lawyer?” he asked, crumpling his empty soda can.

“Fuck no,” I scoffed. “My dad would leave the house at 6 am and wouldn’t come home until 9 or 10 at night. I never wanted a life like that for myself. I wanted something where I could set my own schedule, be creative, spontaneous.”

And yet, somehow, I still managed to wind up at Joja Corp.

“Anyway, my disorder manifested that summer. We were on our annual vacation to a fancy beach resort. I was lounging by the pool and my mom made some off-handed comments about how she had to buy me a new suit this year because I outgrew last year’s suit. I was a teenager.  Things just…grew.”

I couldn’t sit still anymore. I got up and started pacing again. Pacing helped me think. Take two steps, turn, take three steps, turn. There was a rhythm to it all.

“I started dieting immediately when I got home from vacation. It wasn’t my mom’s idea for me to start. I didn’t like the way I felt when she said that, and I didn’t want to disappoint her again.”

Yoba, I hated talking about this. I didn’t like the way these memories made me feel. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t get my mouth to stop moving.

“It started small. I cut carbs and junk food first. Then I started cutting out entire meals. I felt like garbage, physically, but the euphoria I felt from finally having control over one thing in my life, even one so small, was addicting. I was in control of what I ate, when I ate, how much or how little. It was freeing.”

Looking back, it was no wonder I fell in with Amber. I was just as bad as Sterling—trading my parents for her. You’d think that after years of their garbage done in the same of love and wanting the best possible future for me, I would have seen right through her shit. Nope. I let have all the best parts of me.

“It all came crashing down my senior year. I was down to two or three meals a week. I was in gym class, shaking like a leaf, in a cold sweat, thinking I was just coming down with the flu or something. I collapsed right in the middle of the 100-yard dash.”

I stopped pacing, keeping my back toward the train station and Sterling. I hadn’t really been paying attention to him as the words poured out of me. Fuck, for all I know, he took off right after he asked me if I wanted to be a lawyer. This next part was the hardest to talk about. I really hoped I wasn’t talking to just the raccoons.

“I tried to lie my way out of it, but my bloodwork told the truth. I confessed everything. My mom found my journals where I tracked everything. They put me in an inpatient rehab center and tried to sweep everything under the rug. I was away at ‘study camp’ or some shit. They didn’t learn anything. Not a Yoba damned thing in all the family counseling sessions, in all the times I told them how I felt and how I just wanted to live my life on my own terms. If anything, they doubled down. It was worse now. They controlled the one thing I had for myself.

“I stopped being a petulant child and became a ray of sunshine. No matter how much I was dying inside, I went back to the cheerful ball of joy I was before all this started. It was a part I played over and over until it stopped being a role and became who I was. Until…well, that’s a story for another day.”

I felt sick to my stomach. Why did I feel the need to word vomit all over him? He asked to know me better. He asked. I had a cliff notes version of this story that I told to people if the subject ever came up, but with Sterling the words just fell out of me. I told him parts of the story I never told anyone.

My whole body began to tremble. I could feel the bile creeping up the back of my throat. My breaths started coming faster and faster and the static in my mind was getting louder. I never should have opened my big mouth.

I gasped as Sterling wrapped his arms around my middle from behind. He pulled me back against his warm chest and rested his chin on my shoulder. My breathing slowed to normal, and my heart began beating a regular rhythm. The raging storm in my thoughts quieted. I sagged against him.

Can’t you see what you do to me? Can’t you see that I’m falling for you?

“Rosebud, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you go through all that.”

His voice rumbled against my back. The warm scent of his cologne overwhelmed my senses. His face was so close to mine. If I turned just a fraction of an inch, I could kiss him.

I could become addicted to you, Sterling Cooper.

I cleared my throat and patted his tanned forearms. “It’s okay, Sterling. I’m okay. I found other, less destructive ways to channel my emotions. I just hate talking about how weak I was.”

His hands fell to my hips and spun me around to face him. He moved his hands to my shoulders and held me at arm’s length. “Weak!? Yoba’s bright light on a motorbike, woman. You are anything but weak. I wish I had your strength.”

I scoffed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d ask you if you were drunk.”

“I’m serious. Look at you! You’ve been through so much and you’re still standing. You got out of your tub of dog shit and now you’re one of those people living your best life.”

I stepped away. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve only given you a very small glimpse into the dumpster fire that is…was my life. There is so much more. If you knew everything you wouldn’t dare call me strong.”

“Then tell me. Tell me everything. The good, the bad, and everything in between. I want to know everything about you.”

If you knew everything, you’d walk away. I can’t do that. I can’t lose you either.

“Why?” I asked miserably.

He furrowed his brow. “Why…what?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because we’re friends, dummy. Friends share secrets and shit. I dunno, Rosebud. I like you. And not just because you make the best field snacks in the valley or because you make farmer chic look so damn good. Besides Henry and Mia, no one else gives a damn whether or not I make it home. No one cares if I’ve eaten that day. No one else would take time out of their day to come chasing after me up a Yoba-forsaken mountain just to make sure I didn’t fall off the top. You were there when I needed you most. And I…I want to return the favor one day.”

I felt another crack form in my carefully constructed walls.

“You don’t have to. There’s no ledger to balance,” I said, lowering my eyes to the ground.

He placed two gentle fingers under my chin and lifted my gaze to his. His eyes were so fucking blue. I found myself falling further into those azure depths.

“I said I want to. Let someone do something nice for you.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?

“Don’t cry, Rosebud. If you start crying, then I’ll start and then we’ll both be a blubbering mess. You don’t want that, do you?”

I giggled. “No, I guess not.”

Without warning, he pulled me into his arms and wrapped me up in the tightest bear hug I’d ever felt. I was surrounded by his warmth, the scent of his cologne. I could feel a slight tremor in his body. Or maybe that was me.

I returned the hug, pressing my face against his chest. I could spend my entire life right here, in Sterling’s arms. Fuck the rest of the world. This is where I belong.

Oh fuck. No, no, no. This is how it fucking starts.  Thoughts like that are dangerous. I can’t do this. I want to…but I can’t. There are cracks in the wall, but we can fix them. Force him out, keep him on the other side as your friend, and nothing more.

I stepped out of his arms and cleared my throat. “Okay, now that I’ve bared my soul, it’s only fair. What’s your deepest, darkest secret?”

He chuckled. “I think there’s been enough of that tonight. We’ll save it for another night.”

“Another night? So…you want to do this again?”

“Well, yeah. But only if you want to.”

“I think I’d like that. But warn me before you start asking questions that bring up nasty memories. I’ll need to bring tissues.”

Or an entire bottle of tequila.

“You got it. C’mon. I’ll tell you some stories about the crazy shit Henry and I used to get up to when we were younger.”

He offered me his hand. I stared at those trembling digits for a few heartbeats before threading my fingers through his. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He led me to the benches, walking backward, keeping eye contact the whole time. I couldn’t look away. We sat on the empty bench he had been occupying, facing each other. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. I missed the contact instantly.

“You’re going to love this one. It was summer, right around my birthday. Somehow, I convinced Henry to go skinny dipping in the river that cuts through town. So, there we were…”

Chapter Text

The sound of the waves was so soothing. I was barely keeping my eyes open as I sat on the pier waiting for a fish to bite. The warm breeze wasn’t helping either. I slapped my cheeks gently and shook my head. Night fishing was a terrible idea.

Summer had arrived with a vengeance a week ago. The days were longer and hotter. I was getting up even earlier to try to get my chores done before the hottest part of the day, and going to bed later to try and catch up on what I couldn’t get done in the morning. I was even more exhausted than I’d ever been, but the work was satisfying.

I had three large fields now. Two were dedicated to field crops and the third I was using for sunflowers. Not because a certain Golden Retriever marshmallow told me they were his favorite flower. I learned how to make beehives. Bees needed flowers to make honey. Sunflowers basically reseeded themselves, they grew through Fall, and the seeds were delicious. It just made more sense than poppies and summer spangles, that’s all.

My chickens were fully grown and laying eggs every day. Half of what they produced went to Pierre every Friday. The rest I kept for myself. Farm-fresh eggs were an absolute delicacy. I could never go back to the store-bought stuff.

My bobber twitched, catching my eye. Finally! I’d been out here for hours without so much as a nibble. I was beginning to think that despite Willy’s claim there weren’t actually any fish in this stupid ocean. The bobber dipped under the water briefly. That’s it, little fishy. Just a lovely bunch of bug guts. Come get the tasty num-nums.

The bobber disappeared and I yanked back on the rod, hooking my fish. I turned the reel as fast as I could, my catch putting up one hell of a fight. The tip of my rod bent down with the strain. Just when I thought my arms would give out, I landed one of the biggest halibuts I had ever seen.

I placed the fish in the small cooler full of ice that I’d brought with me. I made the mistake of putting fish in my backpack once. Never again. Took weeks to get the smell out. With my fishing rod over my shoulder, I headed into town. Just needed to drop this fish off at the saloon, collect my reward, and then I could head home.

The crowd at the saloon had thinned out by the time I made it in. Pam was in her usual spot at the end of the bar by the jukebox. Willy and Clint were sharing a table near the door, the blacksmith sitting in the perfect spot to watch the blue-haired object of his affection. Shane was near the fireplace, a permanent scowl on his face. I refrained from giving him the finger. I was very proud of myself.

The one person I had expected to see was nowhere to be found. I smiled. While Sterling hadn’t given up alcohol completely, he had been coming to the saloon less. I was really proud of him. I knew he wasn’t ready to stand up and get out of his tub, but he was making small steps. It’s all I could ask.

We had been spending a lot more time together since that second night at the train station. He would come over after work and help with some of the farm chores. Afterward, I’d make us some dinner, and we’d fall asleep on the couch watching really bad action movies. Beyond that, we talked. About everything. It had only been about two weeks, but I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in my entire life. He was quick with a joke, most of them self-deprecating, but still. I was pretty sure I had a permanent blush from all his flirting. He was trying, bless his heart, but I was standing firm. We were just friends.

For now…

I shook my head to clear it of such thoughts. Gus came out of the back room with a smile.

“Samantha! Welcome in! Care for a pint or a slice of pizza?”

“Not tonight, Gus. Brought that halibut you were asking for on the bulletin board.”

“Wonderful! Let’s see it!”

I set the cooler on the bar and lifted the lid. Gus peeked inside and his smile brightened.

“That’s exactly what I was looking for! Thank you so much!” He opened the till and fished out a bit of gold. “Here’s your reward. 350 Gold and a little extra for the sheer size of it! You’re the best.”

I pocketed my reward. “You’re welcome. Happy to help. Let me know when the fish stew is ready. I want the first bowl.”

“You got it. Thanks again.”

I waved goodbye and stepped out into the night.

I really hope Sterling didn’t head to my place after work.

I checked my phone for any missed messages and found none. I frowned at the screen. It was weird that I hadn’t heard from him. My paranoid brain couldn’t let go of the idea that he was laying in a ditch behind Pierre’s dying or something. I don’t even know if there are ditches behind Pierre’s, but I was on a mission to find out.

The lights in Pierre’s windows went out just as I approached. I looked at my watch. It was well past closing. What in the world…?

I heard the back door open and close. I waited to see who was coming out of the shop. Maybe Abby was sneaking off to the mountain lake again to practice her sword fighting or something.

“Oh! Hey, Rosebud! Out for a late walk?”

“Just on my way home from the saloon. Gus put out a bounty on fresh halibut and I couldn’t pass up the reward. Not with what your boss charges for saplings. Are you just getting off work?”

He smiled and my heart started dancing in my chest. “Yeah. I just finished up. It’s good to see a friendly face after a long day.”

“You’ve been at work for twelve hours!? That’s insane! Have you eaten anything?”

“Yeah, Caroline made sure I took a break at dinner time and gave me a plate of her fried chicken.” He sighed. “At least I’m getting overtime out of it. Saving up for something special.” He gave me a knowing wink.

My cheeks turned pink.

“I love it when you blush. Your freckles really stand out.”

I could feel my cheeks growing warmer. “Well, at least you ate something. I’m all out of field snacks.”

He placed his hands over his heart and gasped dramatically. “Say it isn’t so!”

“You dork. I can make more. Think you might live long enough?”

He walked closer. “I don’t know. Maybe.” He sighed. “I guess there won’t be any late-night beers for me tonight.”

“Such a shame,” I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

He took my hands. “I think…I think that’s probably fine. Won’t hurt to skip a beer tonight,” he said softly, meeting my gaze.

Or any other night, you big marshmallow.

I didn’t say anything, just stared into those blue eyes that sent the butterflies in my stomach into overdrive. My brain couldn’t form words. How had I never noticed that scar next to his lower lip?

He squeezed my hands and grinned. “Hey. How busy are you tonight?”

I blinked rapidly, trying to process his words. “Uh, I guess I have a minute. What’s up?”

“Awesome! I’m in dire need of the company. C’mon. Let me show you what’s fun to do on a hot night like tonight.”

He dropped my left hand and pulled me along.

“Where are we going?” I asked, struggling to keep up with his long strides.

He looked over his shoulder at me and winked. “You’ll see.”

He better not be dragging me to East Scarp. I’m too damn tired for that kind of walk.

I frowned as the bright lights of the Joja Mart grew closer. What was he planning? There was nothing over here.

He led me down a small set of stairs that led to the riverbank. He dropped my hand and stripped off his black T-shirt and shimmied out of his jeans. My mouth suddenly went dry, and my breath froze in my chest. I don’t know what I did to deserve to be blessed with the sight of Sterling standing there in his bright red boxer briefs, and I wish I did so I could do it over and over again.

“Last one in is a rotten egg!” he said, jumping into the river with a loud splash.

“Sterling! What the fuck?” I cried, finding my voice.

He surfaced, his hair plastered to his head, water running down his face. “The water’s amazing, Rosebud! C’mon! I’m going to get sad and lonely if you don’t join me.”

I looked around. It was late enough that no one else was around. Most of the patrons of the saloon wouldn’t be leaving until close to closing and that was a few hours off. I fiddled with the hem of my shirt and worried my bottom lip with my teeth. Could I strip down and jump into the river? What if we got caught? I could just see Lewis’ disappointed expression as he dressed me down for skinny dipping in the middle of town.

You’ve been toeing the line your entire life. Who cares if Lewis is disappointed? Just jump in! Have fun! You deserve it!

Before I could talk myself out of it, I pulled off my T-shirt and stripped off my jeans. I tucked my glasses into my jeans pocket so I wouldn’t lose them in the river. Thankful that I had chosen a matching dark blue bra and panty set, I took a few running steps and jumped into the river.

“That was positively a 10 out of 10 dive. Absolutely spectacular entrance, Rosebud!” Sterling cried as I surfaced.

I shook my head, flinging water in every direction. “This is insane,” I said, wiping my face.

“Maybe, but I love the water this time of year.” He swam toward me and tread water. He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. “It feels like the world is often bleak,” he said softly. “But there’s nothing like a good splash of water to bring me back into sharp focus.”

Before I could say anything, Sterling swung his arm out and drew it close, splashing me in the face with a wall of water. I let out a small shriek of surprise. His laughter sent shivers up my spine.

I returned the favor, hitting him square in the chest with water. He chuckled darkly, his gaze a bit heated.

“Is that the best you can do?” he challenged.

Oh, it’s on! I thought. I placed my hands on his shoulders and ignored how close I had to get to pull off my dastardly plan. I pushed with all my might, but he just wouldn’t go under.

How is he doing that?

He placed his hands on my waist and lifted me. Yoba’s bright light on a motorbike, he is strong.  I couldn’t even revel in the feel of his hands on my body before he was tossing me about a foot away.

An epic splash fight began. Between the splashing water, laughter, and shouts, I thought sure the entire town would come pouring out of their houses to chastise us. After a few minutes of shenanigans, I cried uncle. I couldn’t breathe and my sides hurt from laughing so much.

“I win!” he declared, throwing his fists up into the air.

“Yeah, yeah. But only by default. Next time, I’ll get you for sure.”

His grin turned into a slight smirk. “I think I shall claim my prize.”

Prize? What prize? What is he..?

He swam closer until there was only a breath between us. I shivered as he placed his hands on my shoulders. I looked up into his eyes, my cheeks on fire.

Oh, Yoba…is he going to kiss me? Do I want him to kiss me? Yes. Yes, I do. Please…

My thought was cut off as I found myself suddenly underwater. I came up coughing and spitting, my eyes burning. Sterling was laughing hysterically.

“I know I’m going to get my ass kicked for that, but totally worth it.”

“I’m going to kill you!” I shouted before swimming to shore.

I had half a mind to run away with his clothes. Or maybe just tossing them into the river with him. I fished my glasses out of my jeans pocket and put them on so I could see him before I murdered him. How in the hell was he able to dunk me, but when I tried to dunk him he didn’t budge?

I picked up his jeans and dangled them over the water, my smile saccharinely sweet.

“Oh, Sterling!” I sing-songed.

“You wouldn’t.”

I shook his jeans and lowered my arm until the bottom hem skimmed the water. We didn’t have towels, so we were going to be walking home in wet clothes anyway. A little extra water wouldn’t hurt. I jerked my arm up, pulling the heavy denim away from the water.

I watched him swim toward me, my bottom lip firmly between my teeth. A flash of color on the back of his arm caught my attention. He has a tattoo? I groaned inwardly. I was a total sucker for a guy with ink. As if I needed more reasons to be all…twitterpated.

He made his way on shore, his waterlogged boxer briefs clinging to him like a second skin. Nothing was left to the imagination. My lips parted and my eyes went wide. I was pretty sure my entire body was the color of a ripe tomato.

The water was cold. If that’s what he’s packing after shrinkage? Yoba’s bright light on a motorbike…

Sterling caught me staring and gave me a knowing smirk. He lifted his arms above his head and stretched, showing off the glorious lines of his body. I clutched his jeans to my chest and fought like hell to keep myself from running my hands down that deliciously well-muscled chest.

“Enjoying the show?” he asked, his voice husky.

More than I should. Yoba forgive me my wicked thoughts, but that man is walking temptation and I am a weak, weak woman.

I couldn’t answer him. My mouth was so dry, and my brain forgot what words were. He stalked toward me, his gaze so full of heat I thought I would immolate right there on the riverbank.

Here lies Samantha Rose Carter, a pile of ash because she was wicked and had naughty thoughts.

“You have something that I want, Rosebud, and I aim to collect.”

I swallowed thickly, my knees feeling weak. To hell with protecting my peace. Whatever he wanted, he could have. Mind, body, soul…didn’t matter. I was his.

He got close enough that I could see each individual bead of water on his magnificent chest. I was sure he could see my heart pounding in my chest. My breath was coming in soft, rapid bursts. I was damn near panting over this man.

Get a grip, girl. Come on…remember your promise to yourself.

I didn’t care. In that moment I couldn’t care. I was lost in his smoldering blue eyes and I had absolutely no desire to be found.

He leaned down, angling his neck as if he was going to kiss me. I licked my lips and closed my eyes in anticipation. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek and even after a dip in the river, that citrus-cinnamon scent that was just so perfectly Sterling filled my senses.

This is it. This is where the walls come down and I fling myself into the abyss.

Suddenly, he was gone and his jeans were being yanked out of my hands. I nearly screamed in frustration. My eyes flew open just as Sterling was doing that little hop to get his jeans up over his damp undies. I clinched my fists at my sides and glared.

“You are a terrible person. Sterling Cooper,” I said, looking away.

“Who? Me? Naw, couldn’t be.”

I retreated back behind my walls, irritated that I let a big…eggplant…and a pair of pretty blue eyes, a well-muscled chest, defined abs, and a tattoo get me so twisted I nearly threw myself at him. I needed a cold shower.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo,” I said, trying to clear my head.

“I have two, actually.”

He turned so I could see the back of his arm. On his left bicep was a butterfly, but in the wings where you would usually see the standard geometric shapes, there were two sunflower heads and it looked maybe a date in dark green bubble letters.

“I got this one the day I gave up narcotics,” he said, looking over his shoulder at me. “Sunflowers have always been my favorite flower and butterflies are symbols of transformation. I wanted to merge them to celebrate getting clean.”

Sunflowers are symbols of unwavering faith and unconditional love. I wonder if he knew that he had basically made the perfect representation for starting a journey toward sobriety.

He turned to the side and pulled down the waistband of his jeans and underwear, revealing his hip and most of his thigh. I didn’t even see the ink at first because I was so distracted by the curve of his amazing ass and that V of muscle leading further south.

I am so going to hell for objectifying this man. I should be ashamed of myself, I thought as I tried to remember how to breathe.

“I got this one for my parents. Despite their abandonment, I thrived. Hummingbirds are resilient, beautiful, fierce little birds. And, well, we’ve already established why there’s a few sunflowers mixed in with marigolds, daffodils, and iris.”

This tattoo was all line work and shading, but it was absolutely stunning. The artist was extremely talented. The flowers and the birds looked almost real.

He pulled up his jeans, covering the ink. My heart swelled, happy that he had shared the story of his ink with me. It was obvious each one had deep, personal meanings and I felt honored that he trusted me enough to share.

“They’re gorgeous,” I said softly. “Thank you for sharing.”

Sterling paused, tilting his head to the right as if he was listening for something. “Shit,” he whispered, looking frantically at the ground. “Not that I’m not enjoying the view, Rosebud, but I can hear Pam coming this way. You might want to get dressed.”

I scrambled into my clothes, cursing under my breath. I can’t believe I let him talk me into this.

“How did you know it was Pam?” I asked, pulling my shirt over my head.

“She leaves the saloon every night at the same time. Sometimes she goes straight home. Sometimes she goes to the bridge over there by the JojaMart and stares at the water before going home. Clint uses the southern bridge and crosses by the museum.”

Oh. Yeah, of course. Makes total sense.

When we were both fully clothed, he took my hand and led me back up the stairs. Sure enough, Pam was standing on the bridge, her gaze locked on the dark, murky water of the river. Her expression was so sad. I hadn’t had much of an opportunity to chat with her one on one. Our paths rarely crossed except at the saloon, and even then she was usually more interested in her beer than conversation.

I wonder what her story is, I thought as we turned to head back to the town square.

“So, what now?” I asked.

Sterling sighed. “That’s up to you, Rosebud. Tomorrow is Wednesday so I don’t have to work. I was going to try and get some extra sleep so I could help Henry on my uncle’s farm, but I’m willing to trade sleep for bad movies and good company.”

As delightful as that sounded, I needed some space. I needed to think. I needed to figure out what the fuck I was doing. I almost broke my most important rule and I was more than a little shook.

“Not tonight. Demetrius is coming over in the morning to set up an experiment in that cave I found. Something about fruit bats, I think. And I’m still trying to clear a spot to put in a small orchard.”

“Oh. Okay.”

The disappointment in his voice cut me. I ran my thumb over the back of his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Believe me, I’d much rather hang out with you than go back to my cabin alone.”

That much, at least, was true. The orchard was already cleared. And Demetrius had set up his experiment weeks ago. I hated lying to him but telling him “I would give my right arm to feel your lips on mine and that scares me shitless” just didn’t seem like a good idea.

“Can I at least walk you home? I’m not…” He sighed. “I want to spend more time with you. Is that okay?”

I wanted to spend more time with him too and that was the fucking problem. I should tell him no and just walk home on my own. I was in over my head and sinking fast.

It was a gorgeous night, and we had such a great time in the river. If I was honest with myself, I didn’t really want the night to end here either. It might muck things up even further, but I wanted to keep holding his hand.

A little more time with him wouldn’t hurt. I can torture myself after he leaves.

I smiled softly. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He held my hand the entire walk back to Roseville Farm. We didn’t talk much. It was so nice to walk next to him with just the tree frogs, cicadas, and other night sounds to keep us company. The light of the full moon guided our steps and cast everything in an ethereal silver light. It was bloody romantic, and I was so screwed.

We arrived at my front porch way too soon and not soon enough all at the same time. Molly was sauntering in from somewhere, her tail straight up in the air. I had no idea where that cat disappeared to sometimes, but she always came back home. She gave us a very displeased glance before going through the cat door.

“I don’t think she likes me,” Sterling said, frowning.

“Don’t take it personally. She’s a cat. She doesn’t like anyone, not even me. I’m thoroughly convinced she only sticks around because I feed her.”

He chuckled. “You’re probably right. That’s why I like dogs. I don’t think Max has ever met a stranger.”

“Wait. You have a dog?”

“Technically, he’s Henry & Mia’s dog, but yeah. He’s a Golden Retriever.”

I choked back a laugh with a snort. Oh sweet Yoba, that’s perfect.

“You okay?” he asked, concerned.

I cleared my throat and patted my chest with my free hand. “Yeah, totally fine. Just…need a drink.”

“I guess I should let you go, then.”

“Yeah, probably.”

He stood there, holding my hand, staring a point over my shoulder, his expression thoughtful. I didn’t take my hand back and made no move toward my house. My head was full of starshine and Pop Rocks. If I didn’t get some space soon I was going to do something monumentally stupid.

But would it really be all that stupid?

I didn’t know who was in control here: my brain or my heart. Both needed to shut the fuck up for a second.

“Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun,” he said, softly.

“Yeah, same. I didn’t have ‘go skinny dipping in the town river on a full moon’ on my radar for today, so it was a nice surprise.”

His expression darkened and a knowing smirk appeared on his lips. “Technically, that was skivvy dipping. Skinny dipping would have involved far less clothing.” He took my other hand. “And to be honest, I’m not sure which one I would have liked better. Blue is definitely your color.”

My face was on fire, and I couldn’t breathe. What the hell was happening right now?

He pulled me toward him until my breasts were pressed against his chest. I had to lean my head back to see his face. His eyes scanned my face, his gaze intense and searching. Whatever he was looking for, he must not have found it because his smile turned sad.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against my forehead in a gentle kiss. He squeezed my hands before stepping a few steps back.

“Good night, Rosebud. Sleep well.”

“You too,” I said. Or at least, I think I did. My brain had short-circuited, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure how I was still standing.

I watched him walk away, my trembling fingers resting on that spot on my forehead where he kissed me. Holy shit…he kissed me! He was almost to the edge of my property when my brain kicked back on.

“Hey, Sterling!”

He turned to face me; his face was hidden in shadows. “Yeah?”

“Text me when you get home?”

“Was already planning on it, beautiful. Good night!”

When he disappeared from sight, my knees became weak, and I had to sit on the front steps. I rested my elbows on my thighs and my face in my hands. I took a deep breath to try and steady myself.

“Fuck!”

Chapter Text

Once I had collected myself, I pulled out my phone and sent Abby a quick text. I was in serious need of a girl’s day. The sooner the better.

Me: I need a spa day. Are you free tomorrow?

It was late so I was really surprised to see the little three dots appear on my screen.

Abby: OMY, that sounds *amazing*!!!!  What time?

Me: 1 – Why are you still up? 2 – Noonish? I still have to do my morning chores.

Abby: I just got home from hanging out with Sebby. And Sam. We’re thinking about starting a band.

I frowned. A band? Could Abby even play an instrument? Could the boys?

Me: That sounds…fun.

Abby: I’m really excited! And noon sounds great. See you then! GN!

Me: GN

I put my phone away and headed inside. I was so fucking confused. It was clear something was developing between us. Unless he went around kissing all of his friends on the forehead.

I snorted. If he tried that with Shane, he’d wind up with a black eye.

At least my feelings weren’t just one-sided. This would have been even worse if I was just pining away for someone who didn’t return my affection. The most important question, though, was what the fuck was I going to do about it?

It was starting to get more and more difficult to ignore what I was feeling. I was attracted to him. Like, seriously, who could blame me? Sterling was gorgeous and I adored the fact he didn’t walk around like he was Yoba’s gift to the universe. When he was sober, he was sweet, and so funny. He was an excellent storyteller, and I could listen to him for hours as he told me stories of what it was like growing up here in the valley.

I ran a hot shower and stripped out of my wet clothes. I hated going to bed with wet hair, but going to bed reeking of the river was worse. I stood under the spray and let the heat of the water rush over me, wishing my troubles would wash away like the silt from the river. As I added body wash to my loofah, Amber’s face appeared in my mind.

History was repeating itself. My relationship with Amber started almost the same way. Physical attraction had led to squishy feelings, which then led to so much more. I was so enamored with her. In the beginning, when she was weaving her spell, she had been so sweet and attentive. I felt like a fucking princess. She lavished me with compliments and surprised me with little gifts. She would be waiting for me outside my classes to walk me to my next class or take me on a picnic lunch if the weather was nice.

Once we had moved in together, and her hooks were firmly set, that’s when things went sour. She started convincing me to stay home and skip class. She wanted to spend time with me. What could be so bad about that? It felt so good to do something that my parents would absolutely not approve of that I found myself skipping more and more. Before I knew it, I had failed all of my classes and I was put on academic suspension for the next semester.

Amber was elated. She framed it in a way that made it seem like she was just looking for the silver lining. She said I could get a full-time job since I couldn’t go to class and start contributing to our shared savings account. She hated our apartment and wanted to move into something nicer once our lease was up. She had quit her barista job and started making money as an online content creator. Between the money she made from brand sponsorships and patrons and the small allowance my parents sent me each month, we were doing okay. Not great, but the bills got paid.

I rinsed the conditioner from my hair and turned off the shower. I wrapped my hair up in a thin white towel that had splotches of pink from my hair dye. I stepped out of the shower and dried my body. I wiped the fog off the mirror and stared at my reflection.

I shook my head. Amber would be so upset with how I looked now. The light dusting of freckles across my nose and cheekbones was more prominent thanks to all the time I spent outside. I had lost weight and developed muscles. I could hear her shrieking about not wanting to date a girl who wasn’t soft and delicate.

She didn’t want a girlfriend. She wanted a porcelain doll.

I tried to shove her and her bullshit out of my mind as I unwrapped my hair. She never wanted me to dye my hair. She wanted my hair to be my natural mousey brown so when she posted the rare photo of us together on her social media, her jet-black hair with lime green highlights would be the focal point. She had to be the center of the Yoba damned universe, or she would throw an epic tantrum. The first time a guy left a comment saying he was jealous that she had such a hot girlfriend, she deleted every photo that had me in it and refused to acknowledge my existence online. But heaven fucking help me if I didn’t comment, like, and share her shit.

Everything was about her, her brand, her aesthetic. I was just the financier. She talked me into quitting school and staying at Joja Corp. I was making good money and I didn’t want to be a lawyer anyway, so it made sense to stay where I was and climb the corporate ladder. My parents cut me off at that point, but we were still okay. The money she was bringing in wasn’t steady. Patrons had to cancel their subscriptions, brand sponsorships would dwindle, and appearance fees would dry up. I kept the lights on, and the roof over our heads. I paid for her wardrobe, her extensions, her makeup, and her photography equipment. I did it with a smile on my face because when she was happy, I was happy.

I braided my hair into my usual twin pigtails. I’d have to redo it in the morning, but this would be much cooler than having this heavy mane around my neck and face.

The manipulations were subtle at first. It started with my clothes. When I moved into the dorms, I got rid of all of the brown pleated skirts, navy blazers, and penny loafers my parents insisted I wear. If I wasn’t distracted by silly things like fashion, I’d be able to concentrate on my studies. I lived in jeans, yoga pants, T-shirts, and sneakers. I wanted nothing to do with dresses or skirts.  She would tell me how great my legs looked and encourage me to show them off. I thought it was weird at first, but when she said how hot it made her to have people stare at me and want me and know that I was all hers, I caved. I don’t know if she ever meant it, but it made me feel special. She quickly moved on to other things: music, books, movies, food, and my friends.

Everything was always a fight. If I questioned her in any way, I hated her, or I didn’t understand that she loved me and wanted what was best for me. We’d both end up crying and then I’d apologize even if I had done nothing wrong.

I slipped on an old, ratty T-shirt and padded over to my bed. I didn’t want to think about Amber anymore. Or Sterling. Or anything at all. I double-checked that my alarm was set, pulled back the covers, and slid into bed. I closed my eyes and started counting backward from 100. I was asleep before I hit 80.

I actually managed to make it to the bathhouse on time. I installed a few sprinklers a few days ago so I didn’t have to hand water everything. Nothing needed harvesting today, so I was able to finish up pretty quickly.

Abby was just passing Robin’s house when I entered the clearing. She smiled when she saw me and quickened her steps.

“I am so glad you suggested this. Between summer classes and my parents, I have been in desperate need of some relaxation,” she said as we headed up the mountain pass.

“I know what you mean. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks.”

“Did you get all your chores done? You didn’t quit early just for me, right? I wouldn’t have minded waiting.”

I laughed as I held the door to the bathhouse open for her. “Yeah, Mom. I finished all my chores and ate my vegetables just like a big girl!”

Her cheeks turned a bright shade of pink. “You’re awful. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to fall behind. Summer is a busy time of year for the farmers around here.”

“Abs, it’s fine. If I hadn’t finished, I would have texted you to tell you to wait for me. Stop stressing. We’re here to relax, remember?”

We entered the girl’s changing room and headed straight for the lockers. I entered the combination on the locker I had chosen for myself and popped open the door. I set my backpack inside and kicked off my boots. Changing in front of other people always creeped me out, and changing in the tiny bathroom stalls was out of the question. I wore my suit under my clothes.

Memories of last night’s adventure in the river turned my cheeks pink. I still couldn’t believe that I had stripped down to my underwear in front of Sterling of all people and jumped into the river. I folded my clothes and set them on top of my boots. It had been a ton of fun, but what the heck was I thinking?

Abby opened her locker to grab her suit. The smell that wafted out nearly knocked me to the ground. I covered my nose and mouth with my right hand and closed my locker with my left.

“Yoba, Abs! What crawled into your locker and died?”

She wrinkled her nose. “I have no idea. I haven’t cleaned this thing out in years.”

“Don’t you think you should?”

She shook out her bathing suit and shrugged. “Maybe I will when we’re done here. I’m going to step into a stall to change. Be right back.”

I slipped on my swim shoes and made my way over to the large makeup mirror on the back wall of the locker room. A small pink basket and a metal donation box sat on the little counter under the mirror. The basket contained sheet masks of various types, essential oils, bath salts, and other spa products. You weren’t required to pay for anything, but the donation box was there if you wanted to contribute. I dropped 10 gold in the box and selected a moisturizing mask. I had a big straw hat to keep the sun off my face and I wore sunscreen every day, but all the time I spent outdoors was bound to take a toll on my skin.

“Pick what you want out of the basket. My treat!” I called out to Abby.

“Thanks! I totally forgot my wallet at home.”

She stepped out of the stall wearing a bathing suit a few shades lighter than her hair. She tossed her clothes into her stinky locker and kicked it shut.

“Who maintains this stuff, anyway?” I asked as she walked up to the mirror.

“Hailey,” she replied, twisting her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. “She comes up here every morning and replenishes what’s been used, checks the expiration dates on the oils and stuff, and collects the gold. She orders the masks and stuff online.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She’s really into all these girly things. Can you grab me a clarifying mask? That time of the month is coming, and I need all the help I can get.”

I flipped through the available masks until I found the one she was asking for. “Here ya go. Anything else?”

“Nope, I’m good. You ready?”

I followed her through the short tunnel that led to the heated pool. The first time I visited this place, I was shocked at the lack of that strong chlorine smell that usually came with public pools. The water wasn’t overly salted either, but the water was always clean.

“I really like your suit,” Abby said as we draped our towels over one of the deck chairs lining the edge of the pool.

“This old thing?”

“Yeah, the little rhinestones around the neck are really cute!”

I looked down at the faded black one-piece I’d had for years. Amber had received an invitation to attend a music festival on an island to the south. She was going to bring me as her plus-one, but at the last minute, she decided to take some up-and-coming video game streamer instead. She said it was her “manager’s” suggestion, but looking back, she was pissed that I hadn’t bought the white crochet bikini that matched her black one. She had this whole vision in her head, and I’d ruined it by getting a one-piece in the same color.

“Why do you suddenly look like I kicked your cat?”

I shook my head. “Sorry. I just went down memory lane and took a wrong turn. Let’s get in the water.”

We eased into the warm water and made our way to one of the small ledges built into the edge of the pool. We sat in silence for a few long minutes, just letting the heat soak into our muscles. I hadn’t realized that my shoulders had crept up around my ears until the tension slowly leaked away. My jaw unclenched, and I was finally able to take a deep breath.

“Okay, spill it. What made you want to do a spa day? Not that I’m not grateful, but clearly you’ve got something on your mind.”

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. “Abby, I’m in trouble.”

“That can happen when go swimming in the river. Especially when you’re up by the JojaMart. I’m sure Dr. Harvey has cream you can use to clear everything up.”

I was so stunned I couldn’t even move my head. My eyes flew open, and I just stared at the ceiling. She said it so nonchalantly too. Like she hadn’t just dropped a nuclear warhead into my lap.

“How do you know about that?” I asked numbly.

She giggled. “Oh, sweetie. The whole town knows.”

“The whole town!? How!?”

Did Pam see us coming up the steps? Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

“Alex was outside checking on Dusty when you two ran by giggling like a couple of school kids. He told Haley, Haley told Emily, and once Emily knows, the whole town knows within about an hour.”

My face actually hurt I was blushing so hard. I was tempted to slide off the ledge into the water and breathe deeply. Oh, my sweet Yoba. I can’t believe this is happening.

“This is a disaster,” I groaned.

“Honestly, it’s not that big of a deal. No one will ever say anything to you. They’ll gossip behind your back and maybe give you a knowing glance or two, but that’s about it. It’s just like with Marnie and Lewis. Everyone knows, we just don’t say anything.”

“I am never leaving my farm again.”

Abby sighed. “You’re being dramatic. Seriously, it’s not a big deal. So you went swimming in the river. We used to do that all the time when we were kids.”

“Were you skivvy dipping too?” I asked.

“Skivvy…? Oh, dear Yoba! You stripped down to your underwear in front of Sterling!?”

I nodded.

“Tell me everything,” she demanded eagerly.

I lifted my head and sighed. “Your dad had him working late so he was coming out the back door of your store when I got to the town square. We talked for a few minutes and then he dragged me to the river. He just strips down to his underwear and jumps into the water.”

“Boxers or briefs?” Abby asked as she sank further into the water.

“I’m sorry. What?”

“You heard me. I’m trying to picture what happened and the details are important.”

I shook my head. “You’re ridiculous. Boxer briefs. Bright, fire engine red if that helps you with your visualization.”

“Yes, thank you. So. How did he get you to join him?”

“He turned on the puppy dog eyes and said he was going to be sad if I didn’t join him. I didn’t even think. I just took off my clothes and jumped in. He splashed me, I splashed him, and he started teasing me about how weak my splash was. I tried to dunk him, but he wouldn’t budge.”

Abby grinned knowingly and nodded. “He was standing on the dunking rock.”

“The dunking rock? Tell me you’re joking.”

“Nope. There’s a dip in the riverbed with a big boulder right in the middle. If you stand on the dunking rock, you look like you’re treading water, but if someone tries to dunk you, you won’t move.”

“That jerk! I should have left him in the river and run away with his clothes,” I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.

“That’s what you get for acting like a crazy teenager.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we got into a splash fight. I was laughing so hard that I got a stitch in my side, so I surrendered. He says he’s going to claim his prize and he gets all close, like he’s going to kiss me.”

Abby gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. “No! Did he!?”

“No! He had the actual audacity to look at me all sexy and then I’m underwater. Like, who does that?”

“What did you do?” she asked.

I slipped off the ledge and sank into the water up to my neck. “I swam for shore and got out. I threatened to drop his clothes into the river, so he joined me on shore. His underwear was wet, so it got all clingy and my brain short-circuited. Then he pulled that ‘I’m gonna make you think I’m going to kiss you’ shit again and stole his pants back. That’s when he showed me his ink.”

“Ink? Sterling has a tattoo?”

I nodded. “He has two. A butterfly on the back of his arm and a hummingbird on his hip.”

It took a few seconds for my words to catch up to Abby. “Wait. If he was wearing boxer briefs, that means the one on his hip was covered.”

“Yep.”

“Yoba’s bright light on a motorbike…did he…did he flash you?” She whispered that last part like we weren’t the only two people in the entire bath house.

“Damn near. I saw the curve of his ass and that little V of muscle that points to…well, you know. Anyway, he hears Pam coming home from the saloon, so we scrambled into our clothes and ran up the steps to the town square. He wanted to come over to hang out, but I was so confused by all the things I was feeling. I needed space to think. So I made up some bullshit excuse and he walked me home.”

Abby frowned. “Is that it?”

I sighed. “No. We get to the farm; we’re saying our good nights and neither one of us really wants to go our separate ways. He pulls me to him and then he kisses me—”

She squeaked happily and grinned like an idiot.

“On the forehead, Abs. He kissed me on the forehead. Like I was a toddler.”

She reached out and took my hand. “No, no, no. This is just like in those romance books my mom doesn’t want me to read. A forehead kiss is just as romantic as a kiss on the lips. Sometimes even more so. He’s testing the waters, seeing if you’re just as interested as he is. He’s got it bad for you!”

“Ugh! I know! Okay? I know. Or…at least I think I know. And even if he does, so what? It’s not like anything will ever come of it.”

She splashed me gently. “And why not?”

I hoisted myself back onto the ledge. I came here to relax and destress, but I could feel my muscles tightening up again. I didn’t want to think about any of this anymore.

Abby joined me on the ledge. “Seriously. Why not?”

“Because I can’t!” I cried. “Okay? I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

Dammit, how was I suddenly being called out by a 19-year-old child who couldn’t even admit that she was in love with her best friend?

“Sweetie, I’m not trying to upset you. But it’s an important question. You can’t or you won’t?”

I sighed. “Both. The answer is both.”

“You’re going to have to elaborate.”

I didn’t really want to, but I owed her that much. I rested my hands on the back of my neck and took a deep breath. “I’ll explain, but I’m going to need you to do me a favor. This story is messy as fuck and if you interrupt me, I won’t be able to start up again. And as much as I don’t want to talk about this, I think…I think I need to. I need to get it out.”

Abby nodded. “Okay.”

As my story spilled out of me, I could feel the festering wound inside me start to heal. Not completely, that would take more time and a lot more introspection, but it was a beginning. I felt a little lighter, not as burdened. I didn’t tell anyone the real reason I left ZuZu city. Not a single soul. I just packed up and left. Keeping all of this inside was doing more damage than I’d realized. It was so damn freeing to let it all out.

“I didn’t even know it was happening,” I said, my voice watery. Tears had started flowing at some point in my purge and I hadn’t even realized it. “I had been completely isolated from everyone and everything.”

“How did you get away?” she asked softly.

“It was a stroke of dumb luck. Amber was at another convention for influencers. I couldn’t get time off work, so I had to stay home. Again. I ran out of milk and eggs that morning, so I stopped by the grocery store on my way home. As I was debating on whether or not to get whole milk instead of the skim that she insisted we use, one of my good friends from college came around the corner. We hugged, we chatted, and she invited me out for coffee. I almost turned her down, but something told me to go. We sat in that coffee shop for hours, just catching up. I was hearing stories about people I had almost forgotten. When I mentioned this to my friend, that’s when she got quiet.”

I wiped my cheeks with my hands and sniffled. “Courtney just laid it all out. All the times I canceled plans because Amber suddenly needed to spend time with me. The unreturned phone calls, the unanswered texts, the posts on social media that I never responded to or reacted to. My friends tried to get through to me, but Amber had me convinced they were just trying to drive us apart. She was the only one who understood me and wanted me to be happy.”

Abby reached out and took one of my hands. She gave my fingers a reassuring squeeze. I hated how small this whole situation made me feel. It had been almost three months since that day and it still fucking hurt like it was yesterday.

“The nail in the coffin was the video that got leaked to Snapstagram. Everyone knew she had a girlfriend, so when she was filmed making out with this guy who was basically a professional asshole, it went super viral. I had been crazy busy at work, so I hadn’t been online all day. Courtney showed me the video and I just went numb. Not angry, not sad. I didn’t feel anything. What happened next was sort of hazy, but I remember going home and just sitting on the couch for hours.

“I went to work the next day, still just a zombie. My boss came to my desk for some forms I needed to fill out. When I opened the top drawer on my desk, I saw my grandpa’s letter. I don’t even know why I had it on my work desk, but Grandpa had said I would open it when I was ready. I handed the forms to my boss, grabbed my letter and my phone, and went to lunch. I read the letter and found out that he left me Roseville Farm as my inheritance. While I was still reeling from the fact that I owned a freaking farm, I got an alert on my phone. I thought it might be Amber finally texting me to explain, but instead it was an email from a tabloid asking me for a comment on the whole thing.

“It had been more than 24 hours since the video had been posted and not a peep from her. I just fucking snapped. I walked up to my boss and quit on the spot. He was so confused. People don’t quit Joja Corp. They either retire or die, ya know?”

Abby chuckled. “Does Morris know you ever worked for Joja? He’d probably faint if he learned you quit.”

“Girl, I’ve said, like, 10 words to him in the entire time I’ve been here, and none of them were pleasant. I go out of my way to avoid that little toad. He skeeves me out.”

“He skeeves us all out,” Abby said with a shudder. “I’m sorry. I got us off track. So what did you do after you quit Joja?”

I sighed. “I went home and started planning. I knew it would take a lot of gold to start my life completely over. I didn’t know how much time I had before Amber came home. Sometimes she would come straight home after her conventions, but most of the time she would head off to another influencer’s party pad for another week or two. I started by selling off all the clothes she made me wear. When the convention was over and I still hadn’t heard anything from her, I put all her shit up for sale too. Her clothes, costumes, wigs, and makeup went to a drag queen who bought the lot for twice what I was asking. The camera, ring light, tripod, and backdrops went to a photography student. I threw in the computer for free. Well, most of it. I took the hard drive out and left it on the kitchen counter with a rare earth magnet on top of it.”

Abby winced. “Holy crap…Sebby would lose his marbles if he heard this story. I may not know much about computers, but even I know that’s bad.”

“What can I say? I was feeling extra petty,” I replied with a shrug. “Once I had enough gold, I bought my ticket for Pelican Town, packed up what little I had left, took one of her expensive lipsticks and wrote ‘We’re done’ in big letters on the fridge door. The rest, you know.”

“How long did it take you?”

“About two weeks. And no, I didn’t hear anything from Amber during that entire time. I did text her once, but I got a reply from her manager saying she was busy, and she’d call me later. And to no one’s surprise, that phone call never came.”

“What a bitch! I’m sorry that happened to you, sweetie. But I’m glad you got out.”

“Yeah, me too. But now you see why I can’t get involved with Sterling. I lost myself in her and our relationship. Half the time I don’t know if I like something because I actually like it or because she liked it and I just went along to keep the peace.”

Abby frowned. “Okay, before I open my mouth and insert my foot…was this just a venting sesh or do you want advice?”

That question threw me off. “What do you mean?”

“It’s something I heard in a video online. The girl in the video said that it’s important to ask if your friends want advice or if they just need to vent. Sometimes just releasing the pressure is all you need to feel better. But if you want advice, I’m happy to help.”

Well. I never thought of it that way. “I’ll take the advice. I think.”

“Okay. I know I’m not as experienced with relationships as you seem to be, but I think you’re forgetting something very important here.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“Sterling isn’t Amber. I don’t know him nearly as well as I probably should, but he doesn’t seem like the type to treat you like that.”

“I know that, Abs,” I said, sliding back into the water. My fingers were getting pruny and the heat of the water was making me feel a little dizzy. “Doesn’t change anything.”

Abby followed me out of the pool and joined me at the deck chairs. I wrapped my towel around my body and tucked the edges to secure it.

“Why not?” she asked as she toweled off.

“You didn’t see me those first few days after I arrived. I was a complete and total wreck. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life. It took me about a week to get out of my bed and actually start working on the farm.”

She sat on the deck chair next to mine. “Okay, so, what made you stand up and get out of your crap?”

“I just woke up one day and decided I was done living under her thumb. Even after I had put a bajillion miles between us, she was still influencing my life. I forced myself to get up every day and put work into the farm. Every time she popped into my mind, I shoved the memory down. I put up thick walls around my heart and made a promise to myself. I was going to work hard, prove to everyone that I could do this, and never ever fall in love.”

And here I was, elbows deep and falling fast. I was such an idiot.

“That sounds lonely.”

“If I’m alone, I can’t get hurt.”

“I never thought of you as a chicken. You take huge risks every single time you go into the mines, but you’re scared of getting your heart broken?” Abby scoffed. “Look, I’m not saying you need a partner to live a fulfilling life and if you want to be alone the rest of your life, I won’t try to talk you out of it. But clearly, there’s a part of you that thinks he’s worth it.”

I felt like the floor of the bathhouse had fallen away from under my feet. I leaned back in my chair and covered my eyes with my arm. She was right. A small part of me did think he was worth it, but the truth of the matter was that I didn’t trust myself not to fall into old patterns. If I was honest, Amber didn’t steal those pieces of me. I gave them to her willingly until there was nothing left. If I listened to my heart and gave in to Sterling, what was to stop me from doing the same thing with him?

“You’re one to talk, Abigail. Why haven’t you made a move on Sebastian? It’s clear to everyone that you’re in love with him. Aren’t you afraid of getting your heart broken?”

I don’t know what made me so snippy with her. She didn’t deserve me lashing out just because I was uncomfortable with the topic at hand.

“Of course I am! But that’s a part of love. Even if you have the most perfect relationship, heartbreak can still happen. The reason I haven’t told Sebastian how I feel isn’t because I’m afraid he doesn’t return my feelings. I am also scared that it will ruin our friendship. We’ve been friends since we were kids. If we start a relationship and it goes sour, I will lose my best friend.”

“I’m sorry, Abs. I didn’t mean to be such a bitch. I know our situations are different.”

She shrugged. “It’s fine. I’ve been in love with Sebastian since I was 10 years old. One day I’ll give him a bouquet. He’ll either accept it and I’ll probably die of shock. Or he won’t and we’ll have to figure out if we can move past the awkwardness. Either way, things will change. But we’re not talking about me and Sebby. We’re talking about you and Sterling.”

I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. “Even if I was willing to entertain the idea of starting a relationship with Sterling, there’s another giant elephant in the room preventing me from moving forward.”

“His drinking.”

It was a statement, not a question.

“Exactly. He’s got a problem. He…” I trailed off. I wasn’t sure how much Abby knew about Sterling’s past, and I didn’t want to share something with her that he wanted to keep from her on the off chance that it would get back to her dad.

“He what?”

I sighed. “I don’t know how much I’m allowed to tell you.”

“I know about his addiction to pills if that’s what’s got you worried. I overheard Mom and Dad talking about it one night after Sterling came back to town. Mom wasn’t sure that hiring him was a great idea, so they had a little bit of a fight over it. Nothing major, just a heated discussion.”

I should have known. There’s probably very little that goes on in that house that Abby doesn’t know about.

“He replaced one addiction for another. Or maybe they were going hand in hand and alcohol is just easier out here in the middle of nowhere. Either way, until he decides to get sober, there can be nothing between us except friendship.”

Abby tilted her head thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t a relationship help him? Like, give him something to work towards?”

I shook my head. “That’s a very bad idea. He has to choose sobriety and a better life for himself. If he chooses sobriety for me, that just puts him on shaky ground. He could start resenting me and our relationship for pulling him out of his dog shit instead of making the decision for himself.”

“Dog…shit? What?”

I told her the same parable I told Sterling. It was overly simple, but it was the best way to explain it.

“That’s…graphic,” she said when I had finished, wrinkling her nose.

“Maybe, but you see what I mean. If I yank him out, it can add to the trauma. He needs to figure out why he got in there, why he stays in there, and the motivation to get out. He needs to get tired of being mired in the stink and risk being cold and vulnerable for a while. At least until he learns to live without it. It sucks, but I want him to get better for his own reasons and not because I want him to”

Abby sighed. “I get it. I think. It’s not the same, but Sebby smokes. I hate it, but it’s not a deal-breaker for me. As long as he uses mouthwash or chews gum after a cigarette, ya know? Sterling’s drinking is a hard limit for you. That sucks, sweetie. I’m sorry.”

“It is what it is, Abs.”

“What are you going to do?”

That was the million-gold question, wasn’t it? The smart thing to do would be to put a stop to all the flirting and teasing, and just put him permanently in the friend zone. I was never accused of being the brightest crayon in the box. I liked the attention if I was honest. Even though my relationship had ended just a few months ago, it had been a really long time since I had heard someone tell me I was beautiful and even longer since I had felt that rush from just holding hands. Regardless of that, though, it would be colossally unfair to both of us to continue this when the light at the end of the tunnel was an oncoming train.

“I don’t know. I really don’t. There are so many unknowns. Like, what if I don’t put a stop to this and he asks me out? If he’s still drinking, I’ll have to break his heart and that could sink him further. Or what if I do put a stop to it and that sends him spiraling? Or what if—”

“Or what if you step outside your door and you get hit by a fish truck?” Abby asked, interrupting me. “You’re right. You don’t know the future and the Stardew Valley Fair is months away.”

“What does that have to do with the price of rice in Grampleton?” I asked, frowning.

She chuckled. “Sorry, I forgot. A fortune teller sets up a tent at the annual fall festival. She’ll read your future for 100 gold. Her predictions are crazy accurate, too. Anyway, you can’t get caught up in the ‘what ifs’. If you do, you might miss your chance at something wonderful.”

I lifted my right brow. “Pot calling kettle, eh?”

“We’re not talking about me, remember? Look, I don’t know about recovery and addictions and stuff. And what you said about yanking him out of the dog shit makes sense. But maybe…just maybe…the chance to be with you is what makes him risk standing up.”

“But—”

“He needs to make the decision to get sober for himself. He needs to want a better life that doesn’t include being hungover all the time and spending his entire paycheck at The Stardrop Saloon. I get that. But there has to be a spark, ya know? You needed a push to get out of bed and start turning Roseville into a working farm, right? It wasn’t something dramatic, but it still motivated you to get out of bed every morning. Why don’t you just let things progress naturally and see where it takes you both.”

Was I that wise when I was her age? Probably not. I sighed and stretched my legs. She had a point. A terrifying, soul-shattering point, but a point, nonetheless. I was scared, but maybe that was a good thing. Fear might keep me from doing something stupid. Or maybe it would all blow up in my face. Was he worth all that?

Yes, a million times yes.

“This is such a mess,” I said, reaching for my face mask.

“Love is messy, but I think that makes it worth it.”

I ripped open the package and pulled the sheet out. “I’m lucky to have a friend like you, Abs. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. It’s nice having a girlfriend. I love Sam and Sebby but having you around to talk about boys and stuff is awesome. Want to grab an early dinner after this?”

“Ooh! Yes, please. Gus is supposed to have fresh fish stew on the menu tonight.”

“You’re welcome to that. I’m craving something greasy and cheesy. Sliders and cheese fries sound like heaven.”

We put on our face masks and relaxed in the warm steam of the pool room. When the timer went off on Abby’s phone, we took the masks off and took one last soak in the pool. I felt a lot better about things. Still didn’t have a clue what I was going to do about it, but at least the tension I had been carrying had faded away.

We rinsed off in the showers before changing back into our street clothes. I gave her a side eye when she closed her locker without cleaning it out. She shrugged.

“I’m starving. I’ll come back up here and clean it out later. Nothing is coming between me and Gus’ sliders. I don’t know what he puts in that sauce, but it’s the stuff dreams are made of.”

I shook my head as I shrugged into my backpack. “You are ridiculous. C’mon. Dinner’s on me.”

We linked arms and headed out of the spa, my heart feeling lighter than it had in months. Grandpa said I’d find the letter when I needed it most. It was almost like the old man was psychic himself.

The sun had started to set while we were in the bathhouse. The sky was painted in bright yellows, pinks, and oranges and the clouds were tinted in a pale lavender. If the people of ZuZu city knew the beauty of the countryside, they’d be ditching the smoggy congestion in droves.

Maybe it’s a good thing they don’t know…

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” Abby muttered, her gaze turned toward the train station.

“What are you…oh. Shit.”

Sterling sat on his bench, his long legs stretched out before him, his back against the wall behind him. Though simple, I really liked what he was wearing. The whole white T-shirt, carpenter jeans, and red Chuck Taylors thing just did something for me. His eyes were closed, and he had a peaceful expression on his face. His hands rested on his stomach, his fingers tapping out a steady rhythm. He must have his earbuds in because I couldn’t hear whatever music he was listening to.

“Oh. You know what? I just remembered. I have to go walk my Guinea pig. Raincheck on dinner?”

“Abigail…” I hissed as she walked away.

She waved and hurried her steps. I was going to kill her.

I had two choices. I could walk away right now and pretend I didn’t see him sitting there looking like a whole-ass snack. Or…I could join him.

Fighting whatever this was between us was exhausting. I was still scared as hell, but I don’t know what scared me more: losing myself in him or never finding out what it’s like to feel his lips on mine, to feel those calloused fingers on my body in a gentle caress, to hear him moan my name in ecstasy.

With every heartbeat, I felt my carefully constructed walls crumble. Amber was my first and only relationship. Should I let one lousy experience taint my whole life? Being alone meant I’d never get hurt. I meant it when I said it. But looking at him, just vibing to music, his hair damp from a recent shower, his lips silently mouthing along to the lyrics, I wanted nothing more than to join him on that bench. I wanted to lean back against his chest and listen to the soft, steady rhythm of his breath. I wanted to drown in the warmth of his body and drink in everything that was Sterling.

Fish truck or damnation, I guess.

The only thing that kept my feet rooted to the spot was his drinking problem. If I let myself fall for him…if I gave in to the temptation…and he continued to choose alcohol over me, what would that do to me? To us? Despite everything else, Sterling was slowly becoming one my best friends. I had so few friends as it was. I didn’t want to lose him.

Maybe Abby was right. Maybe I could be the spark he needed to get out of his tub of dog shit and take the first steps. Did I want that responsibility? And what if I wasn’t enough?

Before I even knew what was happening, I was sitting on the edge of the bench next to his.

Okay, now what?

I didn’t want to startle him. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would come up swinging when they’re surprised, but I didn’t want to test that theory. Just sitting there, staring at him, was awkward as fuck. Should I just say his name and get his attention?

His eyes fluttered open, a contented sigh escaping his lips. He jumped and made the most adorable squeak when he saw me. I smiled at the sound. It was not the type of sound that should have come from a man his size.

“Hi,” he said, a little out of breath. He reached up and took out one of his earbuds. “What are you doing here?”

“Enjoying the view,” I said, casually. I could have meant anything. I didn’t necessarily mean him.

His cheeks turned a little pink and he sat up a little straighter. “Where did you come from?” he asked. “You’re not dressed for the mines.”

I looked down at my faded yoga pants, pink and black striped tank top, and scuffed-up tennis shoes and shrugged. “You don’t like the new Adventurer’s Guild uniform? Marlon and Gil really rock the yoga pants.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Your jokes are worse than mine.”

“Abby and I spent the afternoon in the bathhouse. She needed a spa day, and I had time to kill.”

“Oh. That explains why I smelled lavender. Where is she?”

I shrugged. “She had to get home. What are you doing here? I thought you were heading to your uncle’s farm in Grampleton today.”

“The damn tractor broke down. Henry and I tried to get it running, but it needs a new hydraulic pump. The part won’t be in until next week, so Henry sent me home.”

I had no idea what a hydraulic pump did, but I guess I should probably learn at some point. Roseville was small enough right now that I really didn’t need a tractor, but I’m sure I’d need one eventually. At least I’d have Sterling to help me.

I hope…

I gestured toward his phone. “What are you listening to?”

“You know that guy who sings Stick Season? He released a new song.” He offered me the ear bud. “Want to hear it?”

I took the earbud and tapped his foot. “Make room. If I sit on this bench like this, I’m going to tense up again.”

He shifted his legs until he was straddling the bench. I joined him on his bench and rested my back against his chest. I felt him swallow thickly as I got situated and rested my head against his shoulder. His breathing sped up slightly and a small smile appeared on my lips. I put the earbud in my ear and closed my eyes.

“Whenever you’re ready,” I said.

The twang of a banjo harmonizing with an acoustic guitar started playing in my ear. The artist’s voice was hauntingly emotional. The lyrics resonated with me in a way I wasn’t really prepared for.

“I dialed drunk, I’ll die a drunk, I’ll die for you…”

Yoba, I hope not…

As the song progressed, I could feel him trying to figure out what to do with the hand that wasn’t holding his phone. He tried putting it behind his head, but that tensed his shoulder, so he put it down. He shifted to try putting his hand in his pocket, but that brought him too close to my ass. He murmured an apology and dropped his hand to his side, shaking out his fingers. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand, dropping it into my lap, his arm resting gently against my middle.

“Stop fidgeting. You’re distracting me.”

“Do you want to listen to more?” he asked quietly as the last notes of the song faded, his voice rumbling gently against my back.

I opened my eyes and tilted my head slightly so I could look up at him. “If that’s okay. I’ve got nowhere to be.”

He swallowed and nodded. “Me either. There’s an album I wanted to share with you. Let me queue it up.”

After the first song, I felt my mind grow hazy and calm. My eyelids grew heavy, and my breathing slowed. Any remaining tension faded away as I relaxed against him. I was surrounded by warmth and cinnamon. I felt so safe and content lying against him.

I was startled awake by Sterling trying to suppress a sneeze. I don’t know when I fell asleep or for how long. I sat up quickly and blinked rapidly, trying to get my bearings.

“Mornin’, Rosebud. Sleep well?” Sterling asked, his voice a gentle rumble.

“Hi. Um. Sorry. I didn’t mean to…fuck, what time is it?” I asked, my voice still thick with sleep.

“Just after six. You were asleep for about an hour.”

I went to rub my eyes and paused, remembering I was wearing my contacts. Ugh. My eyes felt dry and sticky, and I didn’t bring any eye drops with me. I needed to get home and get these stupid things out.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked. There was no malice in my question. I was genuinely curious.

He reached up and gripped my shoulders, pulling me back against his chest. “You just looked so peaceful; I couldn’t bring myself to wake you up. I figured you could use the extra sleep.”

I took a deep breath and settled against him once more. It felt so freaking good to touch another person. I didn’t realize how much I craved human contact. The little touches here and there hadn’t been enough to satisfy me.

“Thank you, but I feel bad. You must have been so bored.”

“Nah, I had an e-book I borrowed from the ZuZu City Library on my phone. Good music, a decent enough story, and a pretty girl asleep in my lap? I couldn’t ask for a better night.”

I tilted my head to look up at him. If I reached just a little bit, my lips would meet his jawline. He was one up in the kiss column. I felt like I needed to balance the scales. I bit my lower lip and tried to work up the courage.

He turned his head to look at me, our eyes meeting. My lips parted with a small gasp at the heat of his gaze. How this freaking goofball could go from silly to…intense so quickly was beyond me.

“Hey, Rosebud?”

He was so close I could feel the brush of his whisper against my skin.

“Hm?”

“I love everything about this, but I am starving. Do you wanna grab some dinner?”

“Yes?”

He chuckled. “Was that a question?”

My cheeks turned pink, and I sat up again, turning on the bench so I could stand.  “Sorry, I’m still waking up. Yes, I would love to get some dinner. You think you can convince Gus to let us take it to go?”

“Probably. Why?”

Because you’re sober right now and I want to keep you that way, I thought, looking at my feet.

“Because I look like a potato right now and I’m not fit to be seen in public,” I said instead. “We could go back to my place. We haven’t had a movie night in a while and I…kind of miss it.”

Miss you…

“Sure. On one condition,” he replied, his tone serious.

I turned to look at him, my brows furrowed. “What’s that?”

He took my face in his hands and forced our eyes to meet. “You never talk about yourself that way again. Covered in mud and sweaty from working on the farm or dressed in your comfiest clothes after a day at the spa, you’re beautiful, dammit.”

I nodded, unable to find my voice. It had been so long since I had heard those words spoken with such conviction. My defenses were shot.  Fuck the walls. The walls were gone. My eyes started to well up, my lower lip quivering. I was done fighting.

Not yet,  that little voice in the back of my mind whispered. There is still one more battle to fight.

He cupped my cheek with his right hand, letting his left hand fall away. I leaned into his touch as he traced my cheekbone with his thumb.

“C’mon, Rosebud. If we don’t go get food right now, I won’t be held responsible for what happens next,” he said, his voice husky.

He took his hand away from my face and I almost whimpered at the loss of his touch. I was so close to risking it all just to see what he meant by that, but my stomach was about to wrap itself around my spine. I stood, reluctantly, to give him room to stand. I took the earbud out of my ear and wiped the silicone tip on my shirt. He put them both in the case and slipped both it and his phone into his front pocket.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to his side as we made our way toward the mountain pass that would take us back to town. I rested my arm around his waist to bring us closer together.

I had no idea what any of this meant, or what the future would hold, but I think…I think that’s okay. Living in the moment, taking it one day at a time. It was scary, but, dammit, he was worth it.

Chapter Text

Marshmallow: Meet me in the town square tomorrow at 5:30. Wear long pants & boots. U should probably braid ur hair too.

Me: Okay, that’s random. Why?

Marshmallow: It’s a surprise!

Me: I hate surprises…

Marshmallow: C’mon, Rosebud!  It’ll be fun, I promise!

Me: Ugh. *Fine*.  There better be snacks.

Marshmallow: I’ll see what I can do. See ya then, hot stuff!

“Hot stuff? Really?”

I shook my head and put my phone away. What on Earth did he have planned? Long pants and boots in the middle of the summer? Was he insane? I only wore those in the mines or after dark. Any other time I’m wearing capris and tennis shoes. It’s probably stupid, but Roseville is more of a giant garden than an actual farm right now.

I took off my wide-brimmed straw hat and wiped my forehead with my bandana. It was so freaking hot in this damn valley. I don’t remember it being this hot in the city. I thought being so close to the ocean and surrounded by mountains it would be a little cooler, but it just made everything muggy.

Robin was coming over tomorrow to start work on a new windmill. I’d found some cloth in the mines the other day, so I finally had what I needed. I really wanted a barn so I could start raising cows, but with half a field of wheat getting close to harvest, I needed the mill first. Flour sold for more gold than wheat did, so it just made more sense.

I had cleared the perfect spot near the river and left all the materials in a chest for Robin to find. The 2500 gold had hurt, but hopefully, I could make it back quickly. It was supposed to rain the day after tomorrow, so maybe I could spend the day in the mines. I had gotten to the 40^th floor the last time I went in there. I had a good feeling about what I could find on the new floors.

All of the crops were watered, the chickens were fed, and eggs were gathered. Today was an excellent day to spend at the beach. I could check my crab pots and catch some fish for my dinners. The ocean fish that were in season were some of my favorites. I could taste the fish tacos made with fresh tilapia now.

I made my way into the house and changed into a deep red bikini top and cut-off denim shorts. Before I left the house with my fishing pole, tackle box, and cooler, I sent a quick text to Abigail.

Me: I’m headed to the beach to do some fishing. Want to join me?

Abby: I’m not leaving the air conditioning. I hate summer.

Me: LOL, okay. Dinner at the saloon later? I owe you for the other day.

Abby: Sure! I’m meeting Sebby & Sam there tonight anyway. The more the merrier.

Me: Okay. Text me when you get there.

She sent a yellow heart emoji in reply. I was disappointed that I’d be at the beach alone, but I understood. Abby really did hate the heat and being out in the sun. She tried to stay indoors as much as possible unless it was at night or raining. I was hoping the chance to hang out with me would bring her out of her air-conditioned solitude, but it was fine.

I grabbed my straw hat and sunglasses, gathered up my gear, and headed to the beach.

I was sunburned and more than a little tired, but it had been a very good day. My cooler was overflowing with fresh tilapia and red snapper. I had enough fish to feed me for at least a week and enough left over to sell to Willy for extra cash. I really needed to add fishing to my daily tasks. I was getting pretty good at it.

Abby texted me just as I made it home.

Abby: We just got to the saloon. Dress cute. Sterling’s here.

I put my fish in the fridge and took a cool shower. I stood in front of my makeshift closet and frowned at the selection.

“Dress cute? What does that even mean?”

My shoulders were too sore for sleeves. I knew better than to go out on the water without bringing extra sunscreen. I was just too excited about spending the day at the beach and left it at home. Hopefully, Doc Harvey would have some kind of ointment I could use to take the inflammation down. If he didn’t, maybe Linus could help me make something using the plants found in the forest.

Ultimately, I settled on a pair of black denim capris with holes in the knees, a pair of comfy flip-flops that I had bought on a whim the last time I was at Pierre’s, and a blue cotton knit tank top that reminded me of Sterling’s eyes. I don’t know if my outfit could be classified as “cute”, but my shoulders weren’t screaming at me. I piled my hair on top of my head in a messy bun and headed to The Stardrop.

If Sterling was drinking, I’d call off our…date? Shit. Did I agree to a date without realizing it? Yoba, I hope not. We had spent almost every evening together over the last few weeks. I was more open with my affection. Before, when we’d watch movies on my couch, I made damn sure I stayed on my side of the couch so we wouldn’t accidentally touch. When he flirted, I would roll my eyes, or I’d tell him to knock it off.

That night after my spa day with Abby, when we’d gotten back to my house, we shared an order of loaded cheese fries and Gus’ sliders on my couch. I sat right next to him, our knees touching. When our food was gone and we were getting settled for the movie, he retreated to his side of the couch. I sat next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He got over his shock pretty quickly and draped his arm around my shoulders, his fingers tracing nonsensical patterns on my skin.

Each night he came over was pretty much the same, but I got bolder, and more open. The first time I flirted back, the surprised look on his face made me giggle. He didn’t know what to do with himself after that. The last time he came over, I’d fallen asleep with my head in his lap.

He still hadn’t given up alcohol, though. To be fair, I hadn’t asked him to, but the fact remained. There were a few nights he arrived a few hours after his shift ended, alcohol on his breath, his speech slowed, and his eyes bloodshot. Not drunk. I would have sent him packing if he’d been completely wasted, but he’d definitely had a few beers before heading over to my place. I was less affectionate those nights, retreating back behind the shattered remains of my walls. Even that wasn’t enough.

I wouldn’t commit to a relationship unless he was sober. That was the only boundary I would not cross. I would dance along the edge and flirt with crossing it, but until he gave up alcohol for good, I was staying firmly on my side of the line. I knew what I was doing was selfish. I should really stop. It bordered on leading him on. But the feelings he stirred up in me were so damn addicting. I felt appreciated, beautiful, loved.

If I walked into that saloon and he had a beer in his hand, I’d hit him over the head with it.

It wasn’t Friday so the crowd inside the saloon was pretty thin. The regulars were in the usual places and the jukebox was playing a lively country tune. Abby, Sebastian, and Sam were at a table in the corner. I waved at Clint and Willy before turning to join them.

“Hey, you! Oh ouch! You got too much sun today, huh?”  Abby said by way of greeting. She came to her feet and gave me a gentle hug.

I returned her hug and winced. “Yeah. Left my sunscreen at home. But it was a good day.”

“Stop by the clinic tomorrow and get some of Dr. Harvey’s after-sun ointment. It will clear it up super quick. My mom keeps a jar of it in the house every summer. If Vincent even thinks about going outside, he burns,” Sam offered as I took my seat.

“That was my plan. Glad to know he can actually help. I haven’t had a sunburn this bad in years. I forgot how much they hurt.”

“And that is why I don’t go out in the sun if I can help it,” Abby replied, wrinkling her nose. “I worked really hard on this complexion, thank you very much.”

I smiled inwardly as I watched Sebastian not so subtly rake his gaze over her.

Those two are about as dense as bricks. They’re both stupidly in love with each other and neither one of them notices.

“Okay, now that everyone is here can we eat please?” Sam begged.

“Sure. You guys order what you want. My dad sent me some gold so tonight is my treat.”

It had been the shock of my life to get that letter in the mail. My birthday was coming up at the end of the summer, but my parents were going to be vacationing around that time, so he sent my gift early: 500 gold and an apology for not writing sooner. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I’m still not convinced I hadn’t hallucinated the whole thing.

The boys were nice enough to go up to the bar to place our order. Abby sighed wistfully, her eyes locked on Sebastian. I rolled my eyes.

“Abby…”

She turned back toward me. “I know. I know. I just…let’s not talk about me. How are things going with Sterling?”

I sat back with a sigh. “Honestly, I’m not sure. He’s been coming over almost every night. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, and it’s great. Wonderful, even.”

“But?”

I looked over my shoulder and spotted Sterling sitting with Clint and Willy at their usual table. Willy was gesturing wildly, clearly telling the story of one of his legendary catches while the other two men listened intently. Sterling’s eyelids were heavy and he wore a lazy half-smile. I knew that look.

“But, he’s still drinking,” I said, turning back around. “He’s never shown up at the house drunk but definitely buzzed. The nights he didn’t come over, I can only assume he was here getting drunk with Shane.”

“Silver lining, he’s been showing up to work hungover less. Instead of every day, it’s only once or twice a week. It’s a big improvement.”

“It’s progress, and any progress is good. It’s just…I dunno. I’m beginning to think I’m not enough.”

Abby frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s something you said that day in the spa. You said that maybe I could be the spark to get him to stop. For a minute there, I believed that I could be. Now, I’m not so sure. I mean, look at him. I can tell he’s been drinking tonight. He hasn’t even noticed that I’m here.”

“Oh, he’s noticed. He hasn’t taken his eyes off you since you got here.”

“Oh, please. He’s looking at Willy, not me.”

“Sure, when you were looking. But right now, he’s staring. He’s definitely into you. Don’t give up on him. Not yet.”

“How long has he been here?”

“He was here when we got here. He had a few beers with Shane—”

“See!?” I cried, interrupting her.

“But,” she continued. “He switched to Dr. Pepper after Shane left. That’s not Porter in his glass, hon. It’s soda.”

I chuckled. “He switched to barbecue water.”

“Ew. No. I said Dr. Pepper.”

“Never mind. It’s an inside joke.”

Sebastian and Sam arrived with a plate of nacho tots for me and a double order of loaded cheese fries for Abby. They dropped off our drinks and headed back to get their own meals. I was stupidly excited for my first bite. Nacho tots were probably the best invention ever: tots, taco meat, spicy nacho cheese, sour cream, and green onion. Yoba bless Gus for putting them on the menu.

When the boys returned, the three friends launched into an almost heated discussion about the set list for their upcoming debut concert at the Luau next week. I was a little jealous of their friendship. They had grown up together. There was a bond between them that I missed. I had friends like that once. I wondered what they thought of me now: owning and working on a farm in Stardew Valley, a place we used to make fun of as being “redneck as hell.”

“Of course, you would take his side, Sebby. Why don’t you just buy him a bouquet!? Or better yet, get him a frickin’ Mermaid Pendant and live happily ever after!”

Abby’s angry outburst brought me back to the present. “Okay, that’s enough. Everyone back to their corners,” I ordered, pointing at each of them with my fork. "Don't make me turn this bar around." 

Sam’s face was almost as red as my shoulders, his arms crossed over his chest, his knee bouncing with agitation. Abby sat on the edge of her seat, both hands on the table like she was about to leap across and strangle her friend. Sebastian just looked bored.

“You’re friends, dammit. Act like it.”

The tension fizzled out of the group. They mumbled a quiet apology to each other and gave me a half smile.

“Now, can one of you explain to me this whole bouquet thing? That’s the second time I’ve heard about it, and I’ll be honest, I do not get it. What’s so special about a bunch of flowers?”

Sam smirked. “Well, when a man and woman love each other very much…”

“Shut up, Sam. I’ll handle this,” Abby interrupted. She cleared her throat. “It’s a very special tradition here in the valley. When you have someone you really care for and you want them to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, you give them a bouquet. If they return your feelings, they’ll accept. If they don’t, you at least have some pretty flowers to brighten up your day.”

“Seriously? You just…give them flowers?”

“Not just any flowers,” Sam replied. “It’s a specific bouquet that Aideen makes. It has to be  tulips, sweet pea, and blue jazz.”

We all stared at him, our expressions a mixture of shock and awe. Sam’s face turned tomato red again and he suddenly found his cheeseburger very fascinating.

“Dude. How do you know that?” Sebastian asked.

“Penny told me,” he said, shrugging. “She’s really into the language of flowers. She was so excited when she learned the meaning of the flowers in the bouquet. It was so cute the way her eyes just lit up.”

I did not see that one coming. It’s good though. Sam would be good for Penny. She needs someone who will listen to her, and be there for her. I just hope he doesn’t pull a Sebastian and Abigail and never tell her.

“Okay, so you give them a bouquet. And…what? You’re just a couple? That’s it?” I asked.

“That’s it, yeah. Why? What do you do in ZuZu City?” Abigail asked.

“You just walk up to the person and ask them out for coffee. Or dinner, or the movies. Flowers are sometimes involved, but totally optional.”

“Really? That seems so weird. Are you a couple then?”

I shrugged. “Sometimes. If they say yes, you go on the date and you talk. You get to know them, see if you vibe, and if things go well, you go on a few more dates. Some people don’t do the whole exclusive thing. They just go on dates with a lot of different people and see what sticks. If anything.”

“Wait. So you do the whole ‘getting to know you’ thing after? That seems messy.”

I took the last bite of my nacho tots and sighed. “It can be, yeah.”

Sam frowned. “So how do you propose?”

“With a ring. You get down on one knee and ask your partner to marry you. How do you guys do it?”

“You wait until a rainy day, go down to the beach, and purchase a Mermaid Pendant from the ghost of an old mariner,” Sebastian informed me, very matter-of-factly.

I blinked several times. “You’re joking.”

“Well, maybe about the ghost part. But the rest is true.”

“This valley is so freaking weird.”

When everyone was done eating, I took our dirty dishes up to the bar so I could pay for our meal. My sunburn was starting to hurt again, and my mood was turning sour. I had been for at least two hours and Sterling still hadn’t acknowledged me. Was he ashamed? Was that it? Was he embarrassed that I caught him here?

I made idle small talk with Emily when she came to collect the dishes. She was a little too into her crystals and chakras and shit, but she was sweet. I could see why Clint was so over the moon for her.

“Rosebud?”

Emily gave me a small smile and excused herself, taking our dishes to the back.

“Hey, Sterling. What’s up?”

He had his hands shoved into his jeans’ pockets, his shoulders slumped, his gaze lowered to his feet. He looked like someone had just kicked his puppy.

“Can we talk? Outside?”

I wasn’t expecting that. “Yeah, sure. Let me tell Abby right quick. Meet you on the benches?”

“Okay. Thanks. I’ll…see you out there.”

I watched him walk out the door, confused. It was a little odd that he wanted to talk outside. I mean, the jukebox was pretty loud, but you could talk over it just fine. And it’s not like the arcade room wasn’t available for a more private conversation.

“What was that all about?” Sebastian asked as I walked up to the table.

“No clue. He wants to talk, so I’m going to step out. I don’t know how long this is going to take. Don’t feel like you have to wait for me if you want to leave.”

“We’ll probably hang out for a bit longer. If I don’t see you again tonight, text me later?” Abby asked, a small smile on her lips.

“Sure. Thanks for inviting me. I had a really great time.”

“Same. Oh, hey! We’re getting together on Saturday to play Solarian Chronicles. Wanna join?” Sam asked eagerly.

“Will there be snacks?”

“Duh. Can’t play Solarian without snacks.”

“Sure. Sounds fun.”

I had no idea what Solarian Chronicles was, but any event with snacks was an automatic yes.

I stepped out into the warm summer night and sighed happily. I was making friends. When I came out here, I thought I would be doing all of this alone. I was the weird pink-haired girl from the big city pretending to be a farmer. I had no idea I would fall in with a trio of nerds and a giant freaking marshmallow. But I was so happy.

That thought gave me pause. I hadn’t been happy in so long I was shocked I even recognized what it was. That huge risk I took by coming here was paying off in exciting and unexpected ways.

I found Sterling sitting on the benches just south of the saloon. He sat hunched over, his forearms resting on his thighs. I just wish I could figure out what he wanted to talk about and why he was so upset. Was he having second thoughts about tomorrow? Did I do something wrong without realizing it?

Did he overhear me and Abby talking? I thought we had kept our voices low enough and he was sitting so far away. Shit! The conversation about his drinking was coming. It was inevitable. We were on a roller coaster, slowly climbing to the precipice. We had to come to an understanding before we tipped over and went screaming into a future together. Fuck…if he overheard me bitching about his drinking…

“Sterling? Everything okay?” I asked, sitting down next to him.

“Hey, Rosebud. Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just…I dunno.” He sat up with a sigh. “I think I should apologize, but I’m not sure what for.”

Wait. What? That wasn’t…what did he have to apologize for?

“What are you talking about? Did you do something I don’t know about?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know. Are you mad at me?”

“What? No! Why would you think that?”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “You came into The Stardrop and completely ignored me, for starters. You didn’t say hello, you didn’t wave. You just went and sat with your friends.”

“Sterling. Abby invited me out to dinner with the boys. I wasn’t ignoring you.” I sighed. “Look, I spent the day out in the sun at the beach. I got a wicked sunburn if you haven’t noticed, and I was…am exhausted. I came out with a purpose, and I just went on autopilot. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” I thought about it for a second. “Why didn’t you come over to the table to say hi to me if you were so upset?”

“I don’t think your friends like me very much. I didn’t want to cause drama.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Why on Earth would you think that?”

His cheeks turned pink, and he looked away. “I mean, Abby’s nice to me, but I work for her dad. She kind of has to. I tried talking to Sebastian about motorcycles a couple of times, and he just blew me off.”

I took one of his hands in mine. “Oh, honey, no. Abby likes you. She may not like some of the choices you’ve been making, but she likes you. She texted me to let me know you were at the Saloon. Told me to dress ‘cute’…whatever that means. And Sebastian, he’s one of the biggest introverts I’ve ever met. He’s got the worst case of social anxiety.” I shook my head. “It took me weeks to get him to talk to me without Abby around. She’s his emotional support human.”

“Well, now I just feel stupid.”

“Don’t. You and me…we’ve been hanging out just us. Which I love, don’t get me wrong, but maybe we should start hanging out with Abby and everyone. They can get to know you; you can get to know them. And if it’s awkward or you aren’t feeling the vibe, then you’ll know.”

“Yeah. Okay. I like that idea. Next movie night?”

His smile was so brilliant my heart ached. I gave his fingers a gentle squeeze and fought the urge to place a gentle kiss on the back of his hand. Yoba…I would never understand how this 6’2” giant marshmallow had turned into a human battering ram and crushed my defenses.

“Or…hear me out. They’re still here. We could go back into the saloon and join them?”

He considered that option for a while. I bit my lip, worried about what he would say. He needed more friends. Friends that weren’t Shane and who didn’t make alcohol their entire personality. I really wanted him to say yes.

“You know what? Yeah. That sounds great.” He frowned. “I don’t really want to go home right now. Mia and I got into a big damn fight before I left for the saloon tonight. She doesn’t like my drinking and wanted me to stay home and unpack my room. Ugh! I’m just so tired of women thinking they can fix me!”

I flinched. It would have hurt less if he had reached out and slapped me. Crap. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing this whole time. Fucking hell…I knew this was a bad idea.

“Rosebud? You good?”

I shook my head sadly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just lost in thought. C’mon. Let’s get inside.”

I took a few steps toward the bench and realized that he wasn’t following. I looked over my shoulder. “You comin’?”

He smiled softly and came to his feet. “I don’t know why Abby was so worried. You always dress cute.”

My cheeks warmed at his words. I didn’t know what to say in return. He walked up next to me and slipped his arm around my waist, pulling me close. I hissed as my tender arms brushed his T-shirt and sidestepped away.

“Oh! Sorry, Rosebud. I forgot.”

“It’s okay. I kind of forgot too.” I offered him my hand. “Let’s do this instead.”

He threaded our fingers together and gave my hand a squeeze. “Fine by me. I like holding your hand.”

The trio wasn’t at our table when we walked back into The Stardrop. I met Gus’ gaze, and he gestured toward the arcade room. I nodded in thanks and led Sterling toward the pool table.

Sebastian and Sam were standing near the entrance, their heads bent towards each other as they spoke. Abby was bent over the pool table, trying to line up her shot, her brow furrowed in concentration.

“Bro, just get behind her and help her line up the shot. If you don’t, she’s liable to send the cue ball sailing. Remember what happened last time?” Sam said with a nervous glance at the table.

“Of course I do! That’s why I’m not going over there. My nuts can’t take another hit like that. I couldn’t sit for a week,” Sebastian replied, his hands unconsciously going to cover his crotch.

Sterling snorted and I covered my mouth to hide my smile. The boys jumped at the sound and turned toward us.

“Oh, hey, Sam number 2! Welcome back!” Sam said with a happy grin.

“Number 2? I’m older than you. Wouldn’t that make me Sam number 1?” I asked.

“I was here in Pelican Town before you, so I’m number 1. Sorry. I don’t make the rules.”

Abby’s shot went wide and didn’t hit a single ball. She stood up with a dramatic sigh and stomped her foot. “I hate this stupid game.”

“Abs, I’ve told you. You just need to practice,” Sebastian said, moving to take his shot.

“I do practice!”

“Online doesn’t count.”

Abby stuck her tongue out at her friend and joined us near the arcade cabinets. “Boys are dumb.”

Sterling chuckled. “Yeah, we kinda are.”

Sebastian made his shot with a loud clack and two striped balls fell into the pockets. Abby put her empty hand on her hip and glared.

“He makes it look so damn easy.” She thrust her cue into Sam’s hands. “Here. You play him.”

“Hey, wait a minute!” he cried, taking the cue. “I don’t want to lose either!”

“You have a better chance of beating him than I do.”

Sebastian missed his next shot. He stood up with a curse. “Dammit. You’re up, Sam.”

He came over and stood next to us, an awkward silence falling over us. I gave Sterling a soft nudge with my elbow.

This is your chance, dummy. Talk to them.

“Hey, Sebastian. What do you think about the new Qi-Cycle Lava Launcher?” Sterling asked nervously.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what they were thinking, man. It looks like a walnut on wheels. Lava Launcher, my ass. They should call it the Nutcracker. And there is no way it has the horsepower they’re advertising.”

“Right!? I was expecting something way sleeker, but that thing is so clunky! There’s no place for a second rider either. And forget putting on saddle bags.”

I smiled sweetly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Abby met my gaze and gave me a wink. This was perfect. He needed friends he could talk about his interests with. He needed to know that he could have fun with people without alcohol in the mix. I just hoped this could continue.

“Sterling, I’m going to steal Samantha for a minute. We’re just going to the couch. You boys enjoy your bike talk.”

After Sam missed his second shot, the game of pool was abandoned in favor of a raucous conversation about the differences between Ferngill Republic bikes versus the bikes made in the Gotoro Empire. My heart soared as I watched the tension ease from Sterling’s shoulders while he argued good-naturedly with Sam and Sebastian.

“How did you convince him to come hang out with us?” Abby asked

“I dunno. I just asked. He thought you all didn’t like him.”

“What? Why?”

I shrugged. “He thought you were just being nice because he works for your dad. And he was convinced Sebastian hated him because he kept blowing him off when he tried talking to him.” I sighed. “Boys really are dumb sometimes.”

“No kidding. He looks happy.”

I wasn’t sure if she meant Sterling or Sebastian. They were both laughing at something Sam said. Sterling was so relaxed and having such a great time. Maybe this would be the spark he needed.

“Question. What are you doing tomorrow night? I got a wooden sword from Marlon the other day and I was wondering if you’d help me with my swordsmanship. Like, stances and stuff,” Abby asked hopefully.

“I’m actually meeting Sterling tomorrow evening. I might be able to do something beforehand, though.”

“I’ve got classes all day tomorrow. Poop. Maybe the next day?”

“Sure. Just head over to the farm when your classes are over. You’re really getting into this whole Adventurer thing, huh?”

“I’m going to school for Business Administration since Dad expects me to take over the store someday. I want to have as much fun as I can before I’m stuck behind that counter all day,” she said miserably. “My parents don’t want me going into the mines. It’s not proper for a young lady to swing a sword or collect ore. Which is so stupid. You’re a girl and you go into the mines all the time!”

“It is pretty dangerous. I’ve been knocked out by monsters more than a few times. But I’d be happy to help you wield a sword. If you get good enough, we can go into the mines together. It would be nice to have some backup.”

“Really? You are the best! Thank you!” She clapped her hands excitedly. “I can’t wait!”

I hope I wasn’t making a mistake. She seemed eager, but the mines were no joke. If she got hurt Pierre would skin me alive.

“So, what do you and Sterling have planned for tomorrow?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I have no idea, honestly. He just sent me a text telling me to meet him in the town square tomorrow. I’m supposed to wear long pants and boots and make sure my hair is braided.”

Abby’s eyes went wide. “Oh, Yoba. He’s taking you somewhere on his bike!”

“What bike? Sterling has a motorcycle?”

“Why do you think the boys are having such a lively discussion on horsepower?”

“I just thought he had a special interest in motorcycles. How was I supposed to know? He literally walks everywhere.”

“You mean to tell me he walks from East Scarp to your farm and back? No wonder his ass looks so good.”

I stole a glance at the ass in question and blushed. I guess I’m not the only one who noticed. He must have felt me staring because he looked over his shoulder and gave me a wink with a sultry smile. My blush deepened and I looked away, embarrassed.

“You’re adorable. Where do you think he’s going to take you? Maybe into the city? Or he could take you to Castle Village! They have excellent restaurants in Castle Village!”

“We’re meeting pretty late in the evening. I doubt we’re going very far.” I rubbed my forehead. “This whole bouquet thing has me trippin’, not gonna lie. If no flowers have been exchanged, does this count as a date? Can we call it a date?”

Abby laughed. “You are thinking way too hard about this.”

“I have to! If this is a date, there are expectations. If it’s just two friends hanging out, it’s much more relaxed and chill. And I’ve already said there can be—”

“Nothing between you until he stops drinking. I know. You could always ask him.”

I couldn’t do that. He’d want to know why I was asking, and I don’t know how I would answer. I needed to have the conversation with him; boundaries needed to be set. Given what he said about Mia and women thinking they could fix him, I could imagine how the conversation would go. I didn’t want to fight with him. I close down when voices get raised. The last fight I had with Amber was pretty one-sided. She yelled and cried, and I just sat there, frozen. Nothing would get accomplished and we’d both feel like shit.

“I guess it doesn’t matter,” I said after a few minutes. “We’ll have a great time either way. No reason to borrow trouble.”

“That’s the spirit! Now, let’s talk about what you’re going to wear. You know, just in case.”

We talked all night. The boys had migrated to one of the booths just outside the arcade at some point during the evening. Abby and I joined them after we had planned out my outfit for tomorrow. She was more invested in this little adventure than I was.

“Let me live vicariously through you, please?” she had begged.

Gus walked over to our table, a broom in one hand and a trash bag in the other.

“It’s closing time. You don’t have to go home, but if you stay here, you’re helping with clean up.”

We quickly settled up our tab and headed out into the night. I hadn’t realized how much I missed nights like this until we stood under one of the streetlamps that lit up the town square. Sterling stood closest to me, his hand resting lightly on my lower back, his fingers absently tracing my spine. How could such an innocent gesture make me so tingly?

“My parents are going to kill me,” Abby moaned, looking at her phone. “I am way past curfew.”

“Yeah, same. I’m surprised our moms didn’t come to drag us home by our ears,” Sam replied.

“Then you both should get gone. We don’t want you getting grounded. Not when we have a Solarian campaign this weekend,” Sebastian said, flipping the lid on his lighter open and closed.

“Oh, damn! I haven’t played Solarian Chronicles since high school! I didn’t know you guys played!” Sterling’s expression was so eager.

“Yeah! We try to play every weekend if we can. But with Sam & Sebby’s work schedule and my classes, it gets tough. We haven’t played in about a month so this one is a big deal.”

“I would kill to play again. I still have all my mini-figs and character sheets in a box in my room. I think I might still have my dice too.”

Sam grinned. “Well, meet us at Sebby’s on Saturday around 7. Sam number 2 is joining us too. The more players we have, the easier the monsters will be!”

“Rosebud! I didn’t know you played!”

I shook my head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. What’s a mini-fig?”

Their laughter warmed my heart. See, Sterling? There are more people in this valley that care about you than you think. You don’t need to hang around that asshole anymore.

Sebastian took Abby’s hand. “Sam, go home. Abs, let’s get going. Samantha, Sterling. See you both on Saturday.”

Abby’s eyes went wide, and her body went rigid. She stared at her hand in Sebastian’s, her whole body flushing. I tried very hard to suppress my grin, but it was a lost cause. He practically dragged her toward the general store, shaking his head.

“If he doesn’t give her a bouquet soon, he’s going to regret it,” Sterling said, humor coloring his voice.

“She just needs to bite the bullet and give him one. Ten years is a long time to pine for someone.”

“Wanna place a bet on who gives the bouquet first?”

I chuckled. “Sure. What are your terms?”

“If Abby gives Sebastian a bouquet, I’ll do whatever you want for an entire day, no questions asked. If Sebastian gives Abby a bouquet,” his gaze grew heated, and his voice dropped a register. “I get to kiss you.”

Chapter Text

I don’t really remember much after that. My brain just shut down after he made a wager with a kiss on the line. I remember walking home…alone. I think. Hell, maybe he did walk me home. I wouldn’t remember even if he did. My head was so full of starshine and static I wouldn’t have remembered if a Shadow Person had come out of the mines and danced the hula right in front of me.

I was a little clearer-headed when I woke up the next morning. I didn’t get much sleep thanks to my sunburn, but at least the shock of Sterling’s wager had worn off.

It was muggy as hell when I stepped out of my house. It was only 6 a.m. and already it felt like I was breathing soup. Whatever Sterling had planned for this evening better be indoors or I would melt.

I had a few letters delivered that day: some recipes from some of the townspeople, a packet of melon seeds from Demetrius, and a letter that gave me pause. It was written on a dark blue velum in silver ink. I’d only received one letter like this before. The Wizard Rasmodius needed my help.

Samantha,

I am researching the forgotten art of shadow divination. I require an item known as 'Void Essence'. Bring it to me and you will be rewarded.

-M. Rasmodius, Wizard

“Oh, is that all? Just a Void Essence? It’s a good thing I have one in a chest somewhere.”

The question was which one. I had chests all over the farm. One in the animal paddock to store items in if I needed space to gather eggs. One in the middle of my fields for essentially the same reason, and two more in the house for overflow storage. I just needed to figure out where I stashed the stupid thing.

Luck was on my side, and I found it in the first chest I checked. I slipped the Void Essence into the front pocket of my backpack and went about my chores. The sunflowers were waist high now and a few were getting ready to bloom. The radishes were almost ready for harvest. The wheat would be ready tomorrow for sure. Things were coming along nicely. Installing those sprinklers was a great idea. They didn’t cover much, but they cut my watering time in half.

Once the crops were watered and the eggs gathered, I made my way to the tower west of Marnie’s farm. I was so jealous of the giant melons growing in his fields. I had no idea what he did to get them that big. It was probably magic that I didn’t possess, but still. It would be so amazing to walk out of my house and see giant melons in my field.

How the hell would I harvest something that big?

The interior of the tower was cool and dark, the lingering scent of herbs and other potion ingredients hung heavy in the air. I took a few more steps inside, careful to avoid the magic circle painted on the floor. I didn’t know what it was for, and frankly, I didn’t want to know. A heavy iron cauldron bubbled merrily over an open flame, a lime-green steam wafting from the surface. This place always gave me the heebie jeebies.

“Farmer Samantha. Did you bring what I seek?”

I jumped at the sound of Rasmodius’ otherworldly voice coming out of the darkness near the door that led to his private residence. I placed my hand over my racing heart and took several deep breaths.

“Uh, yeah. One Void Essence, as requested,” I said finally after I had calmed down a bit.

“I’m sorry. Did I startle you?”

A creepy voice coming out of the darkness in the Tower of Terror? Not at all.

“Just a little bit. My mind was elsewhere, I guess.”  I winced as the rough nylon of my backpack strap brushed my sunburn.

Next stop, Doc Harvey’s clinic. I can’t go another day with this stupid sunburn. Why do such wonderful things have to come with such shitty consequences?

“Are you injured?” he asked as I unzipped the pocket that contained the Void Essence.

“Sort of? I went to the beach yesterday without any suncream and I got a nasty sunburn. I’m headed to Doc Harvey’s after this to get his miracle after-sun ointment. Sam said it would clear it up in just 24 hours.”

Rasmodius stepped further into the light and scoffed. “A full solar cycle is no miracle. I have something that will bring you relief instantly. But first, the Void Essence, if you please.”

He extended his right hand toward me. I placed the small, dark, quivering crystal in his upturned palm, glad to be rid of it. Those things were seriously eerie.

“Perfection. This is a very high-quality Void Essence. It will serve me well. Thank you. Your reward.” He tossed a small, velvet money pouch at me. I caught it, the weight surprising.

“How much is in here?” I asked, stashing the pouch in my backpack.

“Afraid I shortchanged you?” he asked with a small chuckle.

My cheeks warmed. “No! It actually feels like you overpaid me?”

“I know the dangers you faced in retrieving this item, my dear. I seek to fairly compensate you for the risks you took with your life.”

Oh. Well. That was certainly refreshing. Wish Clint would have that same courtesy.

“Thank you. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Now what’s this about relief for this sunburn?”

He smiled softly as he placed the Void Essence into a pouch on his belt. “Ah, yes. Turn around if you please.”

I did as he instructed, frowning. What was I getting myself into?

“This might feel a little strange, but you’ll feel relief almost instantaneously.”

I shivered as a cool, thick, viscous liquid cascaded across my shoulders. It acted as if it was seeking out the tender, damaged skin. The heat and inflammation faded, and relief was, as he said, instant.

“What the heck was that?” I asked as I examined my arms. The skin was deeply tanned with no sign it was ever red and painful.

“A mixture of my own design. Life Elixir mixed with the essence of a slime, the juice of a few Crystal Fruit, and a Snow Yam.”

“You…slimed me?” I asked, my stomach rolling.

“Oh, come now. It is merely the essence of a slime. It gives the tincture a viscosity it needs as well as the necessary properties to seek out the damage.”

“Gross, but thank you. This is amazing. What do I owe you?”

Rasmodius shook his head. “No charge. Just…remember your suncream next time. The materials needed for this tincture are hard to come by this time of year.”

I smiled. “Yes, sir. Let me know if you need anything else.”

For a moment, it looked like he was going to ask me something, but instead, he just smiled and nodded.

“Of course. Now, leave me. I have much to do and you are keeping me from it.”

And there’s the grumpy wizard we all know and love.

I nearly skipped back to the farm. I had been dreading my….whatever…with Sterling later. Riding a motorcycle meant I would have to wrap my arms around his waist and the thought of my sunburned arms brushing up against him for however long was almost enough for me to postpone the whole affair until I was healed. Now, I could go on this little adventure and have a wonderful time, no matter where we went.

I took a quick selfie in front of the tower and sent it to Abby with the caption “Sunburn? What sunburn?” and a laughing emoji.

I headed into town to check the bulletin board next to Pierre’s shop to see if anyone had any requests that needed filling. Today was going to be a good day. I could just feel it in my bones.

The only request on the bulletin board was from Clint. He needed 40 copper ores to ensure the quality of the ores in the mines. I was happy to take that on. I could spend time in the cool underground, and he said I could keep the ores when he was done with his inspection. It was a no-brainer, really.

I was able to gather the ore I needed after only a few levels. I spent another hour searching for more artifacts for the museum. The last time I was here I found a few ancient dwarven pieces that Gunther was ecstatic to receive. I was never much for history before, but I have to admit that the secrets of Stardew Valley were intriguing.

I stopped by the blacksmith shop so Clint could examine the ore and break open the geodes I picked up. I left with a little bit of gold, some new gemstones, and a scroll that had some weird-looking runes written on it. Not bad for a short trip to the mines.

Morris was standing in front of the general store waving his stupid coupons in the air. I kept my head down as I passed him. I really couldn’t stand that little toad. Maybe one day I’d get lucky, and someone would drop a house on his head.

Or maybe Pierre will finally make good on his threats to lay his ass out. I want a ringside seat for that.

After a quick shower, I plaited my hair into a halfway decent French braid and secured the end with a sunflower hair tie. I had originally planned on wearing a bright yellow tank top, but now that my sunburn was healed, I could wear something with sleeves. It took only a few seconds of debate to decide on the same black T-shirt with the sunflowers that I wore to The Egg Festival.

I was tying the laces on my boots when my phone vibrated in my back pocket.

Abby: Girl, hurry your ass up! Look at what you’re missing!!!

A few seconds later, a photo appeared on my screen. My heart sped up and those damn butterflies in my tummy lost their damn minds.

Sterling was standing next to a bright red and chrome beast of a motorcycle. I swallowed audibly, suddenly very anxious. I had no idea how to ride something like that. He had on a pair of blue jeans that made his ass look incredible even through the thick glass of Pierre’s door. His black T-shirt clung to his chest like a second skin, and he had a red bandana tied around his neck. He had on black leather fingerless gloves with silver studs just below the knuckles. Whatever he was reading on his phone had a small half smile on his lips.

Me: Holy shit! OMW!!!!!

I was very proud of myself. I didn’t run the entire trail to Pelican Town. It was more of a half-jog than anything. I wasn’t even running all that late this time. I just needed to see if Abby’s pic did him justice.

When did I go from Ice Queen to Hormonal Teenager? I asked myself as I passed the bus stop.

As I entered the town square, I was almost blinded by all the chrome. You know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Not this time. That pic was worthless compared to the real thing. The late summer sun brought out the copper highlights in his deep auburn hair. It almost shimmered as he raked his fingers through the thick locks.

Sebastian had actually descended the mountain and joined Sterling while I had been walking from the farm. I nearly gasped as Sterling squatted down to show his new friend something under the bike. My mouth was suddenly so dry and my brain was shot.

Holy Yoba on a cross, this is so unfair!

Sebastian caught my gaze and nodded once in greeting. He politely excused himself and headed into the general store.

I cleared my throat to get Sterling’s attention.

“Oh, hey, Rosebud! There you are! I was just on my way to your farm to get ya!” he said, straightening up.

I smiled as I approached. “Sorry. Took a lot longer to braid my hair than I thought. Your bike is gorgeous.”

So are you…

“It’s not as pretty as you, but thanks. I bought it from one of my uncle’s friends. He rode it once and decided he preferred muscle cars to motorcycles.” He chuckled. “I think his wife probably made him sell it.”

I ran my fingers along the supple black leather of the seat. “This is probably a good time to tell you that I’ve never ridden one of these things before.”

“Seriously?”

I shrugged. “Sebastian offered to give me a ride on his bike, but I never took him up on it.”

“Oh, well, it’s pretty easy. I have the hard part. You just need to lean in the same direction I do and hang on tight.”

“To what?” I asked, looking for some kind of handlebar.

“To me, obviously.”

I met his gaze, my eyes wide. “Oh. Right. Obviously.”

He swung one leg over the bike and settled on his seat. “Check the saddle bag on your side. There’s a present in there for you.”

I lifted the heavy leather flap and gasped. Nestled inside the bag was a bright pink motorcycle helmet. The visor was a pink mirror and would cover my face entirely. I pulled it out, surprised at the weight of it.

“Remember how I said I was saving up for something special? Well, now you know what it is. Do you like it?”

“I love it! How did you know I liked pink?” I asked, lifting the visor.

“I didn’t think you dyed your hair bubblegum pink because you hated it.”

“Oh. Right.” I put the helmet on, and tilted my head side to side, getting used to the weight. “Now I know why you wanted me to braid my hair. Thank you, Sterling. This was very thoughtful.”

He reached behind him into the other saddlebag and pulled out a helmet similar to mine but in black. “Safety first!” he said putting his helmet on. “Saddle up, hot stuff.”

I stood there for a second, unsure of how to accomplish that. I mean, it looked simple enough. Just swing your leg over and then you’re on there, right? It was just really high off the ground.

“You good?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Um. How do I do this?”

He chuckled. “It’s like when you straddle one of the benches at the train station. Just swing your leg over and use me as leverage.”

I did as he said, but I must have swung my leg too hard, and I started sliding off. Sterling’s left hand was suddenly on my ribcage, his pinky finger resting lightly on the underside of my breast. I squeaked.

“What’s wrong?”

“Move. Your. Hand.” I bit out.

“If I do, you’ll fall. Grab my shoulders and use me to right yourself.”

I gripped his shoulders a little too tight and he groaned. “Yoba, Rosebud! Those are made of flesh and blood. Ease up!”

After an embarrassing start, I finally got myself situated. He removed his hand once he was sure I was okay. How does one start a motorcycle? In the movies, they always did one of those kick moves…

“Okay, there are two little footrests back there. If you rest your feet there, you’ll keep your legs away from the exhaust. It gets so hot that you can get burned even through your denim, so be careful. You ready?”

I lowered my visor and Sterling did the same. “Let’s do this.”

He turned the key and reached up to take the handlebars. His thumb pressed a button and the bike roared to life. The low rumble of the engine between my thighs was so weird…but not in a bad way. He revved the engine a couple of times and I squeaked again, wrapping my arms around his waist. He patted my hands before raising the kickstand and taking off.

As we entered the tunnel that led out of town I realized I hadn’t even asked him where we were going.

After about an hour, Sterling pulled into a gas station just off the highway. I was so relieved. My thighs had started to ache from gripping the bike. It was like the first time I rode a horse. I just needed to walk around, and I’d be okay.

He lowered the kickstand and cut the engine. “Sorry, Rosebud. Gotta take a leak,” he said as he removed his helmet.

“Oh. Okay. Sure,” I replied, lifting my visor. “Do I need I stay with the bike?”

“Nah. It’ll be fine. We’re not close enough to the city to worry about it getting stolen. We’ve got about another 30 minutes before we get to where we’re going, and this is the last chance to go if you need to.”

He hopped off the bike and offered me his hand. I used his strength to help myself off the bike. I winced at the pain that radiated up my inner thigh with the movement.

“You’ll get used to it, I promise. You can just leave your helmet on the seat.”

I pulled the helmet off my head and rested it next to his on the seat. I watched him make his way inside, my heart in my throat. This was a side to Sterling that I’d never seen before. He was confident, cocky even. It was sexy as fuck, and I was so confused.

Why couldn’t he be like this all the time? He hadn’t been drinking. If I had smelled it on his breath, I would have never gotten on the bike. Why couldn’t he be addicted to the adrenaline of speeding down the highway on his motorcycle instead of alcohol?

I followed him inside the gas station and headed to the restroom in the back. I was so apprehensive about getting on a mechanical monstrosity and going at high rates of speed with nothing to protect me but a helmet. I had to admit, the rush was intense. I honestly couldn’t wait to get back on the road.

Sterling was resting on his seat and reading something on his phone when I stepped out of the gas station.

Holy freaking Yoba…I don’t know what I did to catch this guy’s eye, but I am so glad that I did.

Amber had been the first and only girl I’d ever had feelings for. I’d had crushes on guys in high school. Of course with my parents, it never went any further than that, but I still doodled hearts with our initials in my diary. When I was with her, I thought maybe all of that was just another one of those things that I was supposed to do. I thought maybe I’d been gay all along. With the feelings that Sterling stirred up inside me, that theory was shot straight to hell. I wasn’t really sure where I landed in the Alphabet Mafia, and I didn’t need to figure it out right this second.

“Ready to go?” Sterling asked, putting his phone in his front pocket.

“It is so not fair that men’s jeans have pockets big enough to hold your phone in the front. I can barely fit a credit card in my pockets,” I lamented.

He smiled and shook his head. “Nothing is keeping you from wearing men’s jeans. They’re just clothes.”

“Not with these hips,” I said, turning. “Or this ass. I can’t even get them past my thighs.”

He coughed and turned his gaze away from me, his cheeks turning pink. I grinned as I picked up my helmet. That was the reaction I was hoping for.

“We’re almost there, Rosebud. If you’re anything like me, I just know you’ll love it.”

“That reminds me. Where are we going?”

He put his helmet on and got on the bike. “You can’t tell? Take a deep breath. Can’t you smell the salt on the air?”

“The Ferngill Coast?”

The Ferngill Coast was a stretch of beach that connected ZuZu City to Stardew Valley. It was a popular vacation destination for the city dwellers. There were a bunch of luxury resorts and quaint boutique hotels closer to the city, leaving a large swath of the beach basically empty of tourists.

“Yep. C’mon, sweet face. There’s a great spot I want to show you.”

He pulled out onto the highway, leaning into the acceleration. I bit my lip as I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my chest against his back. Even over the rumble of the engine, I could feel his chuckle against me. He took his hand off one of the handlebars and squeezed my hand.

This was amazing. Just me and him on the open road, the wind rushing past us, the sun dipping below the horizon, bathing the sky in deep orange and red. We hadn’t seen a single other vehicle since we left Pelican Town. It was like we were the only two people in the world.

He turned off the highway and took a small gravel road that cut between two large dunes. He eased the bike to a stop before the gravel turned to sand.

“This is as far as we can go on the bike,” he said, pulling off his helmet and shaking his hair. “We have to go the rest of the way on foot.”

He pulled a plastic shopping bag out of the saddle bag on his side and offered me his hand. I threaded our fingers together as we started up the dune. Before we reached the crest, he pulled me to a stop.

“Close your eyes,” he ordered gently, a small smile on his lips.

“What? Why?”

“You only get one chance to see this place for the first time. Trust me, it’s better this way. C’mon, please?”

I sighed. “All right, fine.” I closed my eyes and trusted him to lead me to our destination.

“There’s nothing like this place, Rosebud. A little bit of sun in your eyes, the sound of the waves…There’s really nothing like the Ferngill Coastline. Don’t you think?”

I didn’t answer, still trying to find my footing in the loose sand.

When we finally reached the top, he squeezed my fingers and let go of my hand. He stepped behind me and rested his hands on my hips, the heat of his touch seeping through my jeans. I took a shuddering breath at his touch.

He leaned down, his lips barely brushing my ear as he whispered, “We’re here. Open your eyes.”

My eyes fluttered open, and I gasped. He had brought us to a small cove surrounded by jagged rocks on two sides and the dunes on the third. The dunes hid the beach from the highway and the rocks kept it inaccessible from the other parts of the beach. We were totally alone out here.

“There was nothing like this in the city,” I said breathlessly. It was even more beautiful than Pelican Town Beach.

“I know, right?” he replied softly, pressing a small kiss against my neck. It was so light I almost thought I imagined it. My breath froze in my chest.

What the actual…Oh shit…

He took my hand again and helped me down the dune. Near the base of the dune, I spied a ring of smooth stones surrounding a small, unlit campfire. A log big enough for two people to sit on sat on this side of the stones.

The waves in the cove were gentler than the beach at home and the sand was finer. This place was magical.

He pulled me toward the campfire and gestured for me to sit down. He set the plastic bag down in the sand and took off his backpack.

Holy hell. I didn’t even see him put that on!

He took out fresh firewood and set about making a fire. I raised my eyebrow.

“It’s cooler, sure, but do we really need a fire?”

“How else are we going to make s’mores?” he asked, pointing to the plastic bag.

I pulled it closer to me and peeked inside, finding a bag of marshmallows, several large chocolate bars, and a box of graham crackers.

If he asked me to marry him, I absolutely would. I haven’t had s’mores in years.

Once the fire was going, he joined me on the log. I rested my head on his shoulder.

“When I was a kid, we used to drive past this spot all the time. I’d always ask my folks to stop, but we were always busy.” He sighed. “I’d always dreamed of stopping and just…soaking my feet in pure sunset.”

I tried to picture what a young Sterling would look like, desperately looking out the window in the backseat of his parent’s sedan, his blue eyes filled with longing to feel the sand beneath his feet. My heart felt heavy.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a gentle squeeze.

“It’s good to be an adult sometimes. I get to make as many stops and take as many detours as I want. I think I’d mostly forgotten that.” He chuckled. “Until I moved to Stardew that is.”

I took a deep breath and reveled in the mixture of Sterling’s cologne and the briny sea air. I had been going 90 miles per hour on my farm. I had cleared so much of the debris and overgrowth, but I had so much more to do. There were boulders and logs I still couldn’t break down with the tools I had even after Clint had upgraded them. I caught a glimpse of a structure to the east of the animal paddock that I couldn’t get to yet. I was just so desperate to prove to my parents…and myself…that this crazy idea wasn’t as hair-brained as they thought that I rarely took the time to just…be.

Who knew it would take a giant marshmallow to get me to slow down?

He rested his head against mine and took my hand. We sat in silence as the sun sank lower into the water and the first brilliant stars appeared in the sky. The gentle lapping of the waves against the shore coupled with the cool breeze coming across the water cast a magical spell over this tiny cove.

I felt so safe when he was with me. It was such a strange feeling that I didn’t really know what to do with it. There was so much bullshit I hadn’t really processed yet. My reasons for running were just buried down deep and locked away. I’d let a little bit out here and there to relieve the pressure, but actually processing the trauma – accepting it, acknowledging it, healing from it – I felt like I didn’t have the time or the space to do that. But when Sterling was with me, despite his 19-piece baggage set, I felt like maybe I was stronger than all of that. He made me feel like if the sword got too heavy, he’d be there to pick it up and help me fight.

“Sterling?” I said, quietly.

“Yeah, Rosebud?”

“Thank you.”

He squeezed my hand. “For what?”

For everything, nothing, and everything in between…

“For bringing me out here and getting me to sit down for a second. For reminding me to breathe.”

“You’re welcome, beautiful.” He lifted his head with a sigh. “It’s the least I could do.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. “I haven’t done anything.”

He chuckled. “You’ve been there for me, even when I didn’t deserve it. You’ve made me feel…hopeful again.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. My heart soared but I couldn’t help that feeling of…I couldn’t really put it into words. It wasn’t quite doubt, but similar. He was making progress, but he still wasn’t ready to make the first step. How long was I supposed to wait? How long could I wait? At what point did I give up? Should I give up? Could I do that to him? To me?

“Ah, hell. I’ve gone and made everything heavy. Hand me the bag, hot stuff. Let’s make s’mores.”

I learned quickly that Sterling and I had vastly different opinions on how to roast marshmallows. I preferred mine to be lightly toasted with just a hint of brown. Sterling kept his in the flame until it was completely engulfed before removing it. He’d let it burn before blowing it out, leaving a blackened lump.

“They taste better that way!” he said as he sandwiched his carcinogen-encased marshmallow between two graham crackers.

“I don’t see how. All you can taste is charcoal.”

He took a bite and rolled his eyes. “I beg to differ.” He offered me his s’more. “Try it.”

“I’m good. Thank you, though.”

He waved the s’more under my nose teasingly. “C’mon, Rosebud. You’ll never know what you’re missing unless you try it.”

“Sterling…”

“One bite. Just one bite and if you hate it, well, it’s okay to be wrong.”

I sighed dramatically and leaned in to take a bite, my lips brushing his fingertips. The marshmallow was perfectly gooey, and the chocolate was at that perfect point between solid and melted. There was an acrid bitterness underneath everything that wasn’t exactly unpleasant, but I liked my way better.

“Well?” he prompted.

I chewed for a second, pausing for effect. “It’s not awful,” I said after I had swallowed.

He grinned. “I’ll take it.”

I stuck another marshmallow on my stick. “Have you ever tried one of these with a peanut butter cup?”

“Yoba, that sounds amazing. Why didn’t I think of that!?”

“Well, now you know for next time,” I replied, sticking my marshmallow into the flame.

“Next time?”

I froze. Did he…was this a one-time thing? Did I make the wrong assumption? Ah, shit. Fuck, you know what they say when you assume…

“Rosebud? Your marshmallow is on fire.”

“Shit!” I pulled my marshmallow out and blew out the fire, frowning. “Well, damn.”

He threw his head back, his laughter sending shivers down my spine. “Why do I feel like this is karma?”

I made my s’more and resisted the urge to flip him the bird. “You distracted me. This is your fault.”

“Distracted? How? What did I do?”

I stuck the end of my roasting stick in the sand next to my feet and nibbled on my overcooked s’more. “Was this…was this a one-time thing?”

Sterling shrugged, digging into the bag of marshmallows. “Doesn’t have to be. Why?”

“When I said ‘next time’ you questioned it. It made me think you didn’t want to do this again.”

He shook his head. “You’re ridiculous, you know that? I adore that about you.”  

My eyes went wide at that word. I stared as he stuck his thumb in his mouth to clean it of a spot of melted marshmallow. My cheeks turned pink. Yoba’s bright light on a motorbike, if he kept this up, I wouldn’t be able to stick to my guns about not taking this any further.

“I got bad news, Rosebud,” he said seriously.

I blinked several times and shook my head to clear my thoughts. “What? What’s wrong?”

His lips tilted in a knowing smile. “I just ate the last of the chocolate.”

“How will I ever go on?” I deadpanned.

We sat and talked until the fire burned down to smoldering embers. He tried to get me to talk about my childhood or life in ZuZu City. I gave vague answers and deflected a lot of his questions. I didn’t want to bring down the vibe with all my negativity. He filled the night with stories and anecdotes that had me on the edge of my seat and laughing until my sides hurt. His eyes lit up when he told me about the night he and Henry spent the night in the barn with a pregnant cow just so they could see the calf being born. He almost teared up when he told me the story of the day he went out to gather eggs and found that a fox had gotten into the coop.

I fell even further over the line I had drawn in the sand, and I did not regret it one bit.

“Ready to head out?” Sterling asked.

I hid a yawn behind my hand. It had been a long, wonderful day and I didn’t want it to end, but if we didn’t leave soon, I’d fall asleep on the back of the bike. That didn’t seem like a good idea.

He stood and started kicking sand over the embers. “Can you gather up the trash?”

I nodded and gathered up the wrappers and things and stuffed them into the plastic shopping bag. While he slipped on his backpack and ensured the fire was completely out, I tilted my head back and stared at the glittering sea of stars above us. There was still a little light pollution back on my farm so there was no comparison to the sky here. It was a little overwhelming and extremely humbling.

Sterling shook his phone to turn on the flashlight. “Don’t want you twisting your ankle or anything. I’d have to carry you.”

“That wouldn’t be so bad,” I said quietly, looking away.

Without warning Sterling wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off the ground. I squealed in surprise as he carried me up to the peak of the dune. He let me go and I slid down the front of his body, my heart racing, my breath frozen in my chest. A low heat settled low in my core and the muscles in my stomach clenched.

“I’m glad I finally got to this with you. Thank you, Rosebud,” he said, his voice a low rumble.

I nodded, unable to find my voice. I clung to his shoulders like a lifeline, my knees suddenly too weak to hold me up.

“Can you walk, or do I need to carry you to the bike?” he teased.

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him to do just that, but I resisted and took a small, tentative step back. I was proud of myself for keeping my balance in the loose sand.

“I think I’m good,” I said, my voice heavy.

The ride back to Pelican Town felt a lot shorter than the ride to the beach. I clung to Sterling’s waist the entire time, drinking in the warmth of his body. When we weren’t moving, the night was cool. Going at high rates of speed brought the temperature down considerably. I was shivering by the time he brought the bike to a stop in front of my house.

“I am so sorry,” Sterling said, running his hands up and down my arms to warm them. “It was so hot when we left, I didn’t think I’d need my leather jacket. I’ll stick it in the saddle bag next time, I promise.”

“It’s fine,” I said, my teeth chattering. “A hot shower, a cup of hot tea. I’ll be warm in no time.”

He ran his hands down my arms one final time and took both my hands in his. His deep, blue eyes scanned my face for several long minutes. My breath sped up and my heart began to race at the expression on his face.

“Ope, looks like you’ve got a little chocolate on your face, Rosebud,” he said softly.

He swiped his thumb slowly across my upper lip, wiping away the remnants of my s’more. He stuck his thumb in his mouth to clean it off, his eyes full of heat and hunger.

“Fuck it,” he said softly.

His fingers brushed along my cheek as he reached to cup the back of my head. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I gripped the front of his shirt to keep myself on my feet. His other hand pressed against the small of my back, his fingers resting just above my ass. I gasped, my lips parting. He didn’t take the bait, rather he nipped my lower lip and soothed the sting with a gentle peck.

My mind was racing so fast I couldn’t make sense of what had just happened.

Holy shit…Sterling just kissed me!!

Abby was going to lose her mind when I texted her later.

He took a few steadying breaths before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.

“I hope that was okay,” he whispered.

“Okay? That was…holy shit.”

He chuckled as he took a few steps back to put space between us. “Today was amazing. And yesterday, with Abby and your friends…this has been the most fun I’ve had with anyone without, well, drinking.”

“Even Shane?” I don’t know what possessed me to bring that asshole up. I was just going to blame that amazing kiss.

His expression turned sad. “I’m honestly very grateful for Shane. It’s just…Sometimes I wonder if we’re really friends.” He raked his fingers through his hair, gripping it tight at the crown. “I can’t help but feel like we don’t know how to interact without alcohol in the middle.”

I reached up, cupped his cheek, and ran my thumb across his cheekbone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t bring the night down.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay. It’s just…It’s exactly like my friends back in the city. They said I’m not much fun without alcohol or pills. Everything feels like…back in the city…But with you? I feel like everything comes naturally. I wish I had more of that. More of you.” He placed a gentle kiss on my palm.

That kiss was amazing, but I couldn’t do it. Not yet. I had to stay strong. I had to for him and for me. It was going to hurt like hell, but I had to stay on my side of the line. For now. What he just said…it gave me hope. He was ready to take the steps. He was so close. I just had to stay by his side a little bit longer.

“Sterling, I –”

“Don’t say it, Rosebud. Let me live in delusion for a little while longer, okay?”

That’s not it, you big dummy.

I took my hand back and crossed my arms over my middle. “Meet me at the train station tomorrow after work, okay? It’s time we talked,” I said.

He nodded. “Okay. Yeah. Sure. Just…if you’re going to break my heart, I demand pizza.”

I hope that’s not what I’m going to do.

“Good night, Rosebud. Sleep well, dream better.”

I stood on my porch and watched his taillights fade into the night, my heart in my throat. I pulled out my phone and texted Abby.

Me: R U up? I need to talk.

Chapter Text

A severe thunderstorm rolled in around the time I was supposed to leave for the train station. Believe me, the irony was not lost on me. Thunder rumbled and lightning arced across the sky as I set out, my umbrella barely keeping the rain off of me.

This day had been a complete waste. My mind had been ping-ponging between being over the moon over last night and dreading the conversation that was looming. I got absolutely nothing done beyond the very basic farm chores. I spent a large part of the day staring into space trying to reconcile what had happened and what was to come.

I was the first one to arrive. The storm was really kicking up, the train station offering little shelter from the driving rain. I really should have called this off when the storm started, but if I didn’t do this now, I never would.

This was it. This was the conversation that would make or break us. I ran my hands down my thighs as I sighed heavily. My anxiety was through the roof, and I could barely sit still. A small part of me was irritated that we were at this point already. I didn’t regret that kiss last night, but it certainly accelerated my timetable. I really hope that he was ready for this conversation. Hell, I hope I’m ready for this conversation.

How this night went would determine where we went from here. If he was receptive to what I had to say, we’d continue the way we were and the fragile flame that we had kindled would continue to burn. If he wasn’t…well, the fire was small enough that we shouldn’t get burned.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket, and I nearly fell off the bench in surprise. Sterling was on his way.

Here we go…

The rain had let up a little bit by the time he made it to the clearing. I rolled my eyes and shook my head when he stepped into the light. He was absolutely soaked.

“I don’t see a pizza, so I guess you’re not here to break my heart,” he joked as he sat down on the bench next to me.

Truth be told, I was too damn nervous to eat. I had forced myself to drink a cup of coffee and eat an egg sandwich this morning, but that’s all I’d had all day. The thought of pizza actually made my stomach roll.

“Where is your umbrella?” I asked, digging through my backpack for my bandana. It wasn’t as good as a towel, but it would help.

“At home. The sun was shining when I left for work. Didn’t think I’d need it. This seemed important so I came straight here after work.”

After that soggy-ass Spring, I carried my umbrella everywhere. Besides, Sterling picked it out for me. The bright red roses made me think of him.

I handed him the bandana. “Here. You can at least dry your face.”

“Thanks.”

I watched him run the red cloth over his face and hair. There was a sadness in his eyes that hurt my heart.

“Rosebud, could you just rip the band-aid off? Wondering what you want to talk about is killing me.”

No time like the present.  

I sighed heavily. “I’m going to tell you a story first. It’s a long, painful story, but you need to hear it before we go any further. The only thing that I ask is that you don’t interrupt me once I get started. If I stop, I may not start again, and I need to tell you everything. Can you agree to that?”

He nodded. “I’ll try.”

“This is the story of how I fell in love with the wrong person, lost myself, and started finding myself again.”

The words tasted like acid on my tongue as they poured out of me. I tried to keep my emotions in check, but the anger, sadness, and shame bubbled up and colored every word. He once said I was strong. After I was done, he’d know the truth. I was stupid and weak. She played me like a 2-gold fiddle, gaslit me into thinking everything was all my fault, and crushed my spirit until nothing was left. He was afraid I was going to break his heart. When my story was over, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got up and walked away.

I kept my gaze locked on my feet while I spoke. I didn’t want to see the expression on his face. He was pretty good at schooling his features, but his eyes couldn’t lie. I wouldn’t be able to continue if I saw the disgust I deserved.

“I haven’t heard from her since before she left for the conference, and I doubt I ever will,” I said finally, wiping my eyes with my hands. “So, that’s it. That’s everything. You know all my secrets.”

He didn’t say anything. I didn’t blame him. It was a lot to process. He hadn’t gotten up and walked away yet, so that was a good sign.

“Could you say something, please?” I begged after what seemed like a lifetime of minutes had passed.

“Hang on. I’m still going through her Snapstagram feed.”

I whipped my gaze to his. He was frowning at his phone as he scrolled through. What was he looking for?

“What the hell? What are you doing?”

“I don’t think you have to worry about her reaching out, Rosebud. She’s engaged to that streamer.”

I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. “Engaged!?”

“Bitch moves fast, apparently. All her posts for the last month have been about wedding shit. Gross. And…blocked.”

Amber was engaged to the asshole she cheated on me with. You’ve got to be kidding me right now.  I really did mean nothing to her. Having all my fears confirmed hurt worse than I thought it would. I hated her. I would pour gasoline on her stupid face if her eyebrows were on fire. But knowing that she had moved on so damn fast?

But…wasn’t that what I was doing with Sterling? No. No, it wasn’t the same thing at all. She never cared for me. She just took advantage of the fact that I was young, naïve, and just so damn desperate for a crumb of affection. I turned a blind eye to all her bullshit. If I was honest, which I hardly ever was, my love for Amber had died well before I got to Stardew Valley. Hers never existed.

He put his phone away. “She’s a piece of shit, Rosebud.”

“Yeah, well, she’s someone else’s problem now.”

He turned until he was straddling the bench, facing me.  He wrapped his arms around me and rested his forehead on my shoulder. “I’m sorry that you had to go through all that. Thank you for telling me.”

I patted his arm. “You needed to know why I was so…resistant when we first met. Why I was so determined to keep you at arm’s length. I didn’t want to get lost like that again. I thought I had put up iron-clad walls around my heart. I was never going to fall in love again. Love was for suckers; relationships were nothing but trouble. But then I met you and piece by piece you brought those walls down. I couldn’t let this go any further until we had this conversation.”

We sat there listening to the rain fall gently against the roof of the train station and the soft rumble of thunder in the distance and just existing in each other’s presence. There was a lot more to say, but I needed a few more minutes to work my courage back up.

His reaction to my story was surprising. I don’t know what he was looking for when he went through Amber’s Snapstagram. Was he looking for proof that what I was saying wasn’t a lie? Or maybe he was confirming it was over. Or maybe he was just looking into what kind of person had caught my eye. Whatever his reasoning, the fact that he thought she was hot garbage and blocked her made me smile. She’d never know it, but still. She was so obsessed with her follower count knowing there were at least two people in the world who would never see her stupid “Hey babes!” posts filled me with no small amount of satisfaction.

Sterling gave me a tight squeeze and sat up. “I’m so proud of you. I know it was hard, but you did it. You got out and you’re making such an amazing life for yourself. You’re…inspiring.”

I scoffed. “I’m a lot of things, Sterling, but ‘inspirational’ is not one of them.”

“I could try to convince you, but I can tell you won’t listen, and you’ll have a bunch of counterarguments, so I’ll let it slide for now. One day you’ll see how incredible you are.”

I could say the same thing about you…

I turned to face him, my heart in my throat. “There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh boy. Okay…hit me with it, hot stuff.”

“I’m falling for you. I’ve been falling for you since I saw you leaning against that bin of parsnips that first day in Pierre’s. I feel safe with you. The storm that rages in my head—all those negative voices, the self-doubt, all of it—it all grows quiet when you’re with me. It’s like…it’s like I’m still scared. I’m still so afraid that I’ll disappear and all the work I’ve done over the last few months will have been for nothing, but you make me feel like the risk is worth it.”

“Rosebud, I’d never treat you that way. I don’t think I even know how to treat another person that way. You are your own person. I wouldn’t ever think that I could control you,” he protested.

“Maybe not on purpose. But what you don’t get…I gave those pieces up willingly. I gave and I gave until there was nothing left. I know what to look for now and I like to think I’m strong enough to speak up. I’m willing to try. You are worth it, Sterling.”

 “There’s a but coming, isn’t there?” he asked with a sigh.

I nodded. “Your drinking is a huge problem. You’ve been doing better. I’ve seen you sober more than I’ve seen you drunk in the last few weeks, but there have been more than a few times when you’ve showed up to my house buzzed. I am so proud of the work you’re doing, but it’s not enough. Not for me.”

He scooted away from me, his face closed off. I knew this conversation wasn’t going to be easy. I expected him to pull away from me, but it still hurt.

“I’ve seen you drinking at the saloon, ya know. You’re not exactly sober yourself.”

“There’s a huge difference between having a beer or two while out with friends or while enjoying a slice of pizza and what you’re doing. I would almost bet that you’re drinking every day. Even on the days that I count as your sober days, you either took a drink or thought about it. The days you showed up to my house a little loose, your eyes bloodshot, your speech slurred…those were the days you couldn’t resist the temptation. And those days that you didn’t come to my farm…those were the days you were getting drunk with Shane in The Stardrop.”

I reached for his hand, and he pulled away from me. My heart cracked.

“I don’t drink every day. I haven’t had a drop in two days, thank you very much,” he said, his voice laced with bitterness.

“And I am so proud of you. You are making progress, Sterling, and that is awesome. Let me ask you something…night before last, when we hung out with Abby and the boys, she said you had been drinking with Shane, but when I showed up you switched to soda. If I hadn’t come to The Stardrop, would you have continued to drink?”

His prolonged silence was all the answer I needed. I sighed, closing my eyes, and tilting my head back. I knew this conversation was going to be tough, but this was killing me.

“I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal about this. What does my drinking have to do with you and me?”

“Everything! It has everything to do with us! Do you know what alcoholism does to a person? You’re killing off brain cells with every drink you take. Did you know that? You’re also killing your liver. Have you ever seen someone dying of cirrhosis? Your skin turns all yellow and you are sick. Your liver turns basically to stone, and you die, Sterling. I will not sit by and watch you kill yourself. I cannot commit to you and start a fucking life with you only to have you die before you’re forty!”

He made a disgusted sound and stood, taking a few steps out into the rain. “Yoba, you sound just like Mia. I can stop any time I want!”

“Then why don’t you!?”

“Because I don’t want to!”

And there it was. Bile crept up the back of my throat and my head started to spin. That was the answer I was expecting, but not the one I wanted to hear. I could feel my eyes burning. I had to get through to him. I had to make him see.

“So that’s it, then? You’ve made your choice?” I asked.

He pulled at his hair. “Yes. No. Fuck, I don’t know! Look, when I gave up the pills, I needed something to get me through the withdrawals. A couple of shots, a beer or two and I could actually get through the day.”

“Exactly! You’ve traded one tub of dog shit for another. Or maybe you’ve traded dog shit for cat shit, but the fact remains, you are stuck. I care about you, you idiot. I want you to be healthy and drinking like you do isn’t fucking healthy!”

“So, what? If I don’t stop drinking, you stop being my friend? You just walk away?”

I came off the bench and joined Sterling in the rain. The storm had picked back up and the drops were almost painful as they hit my skin. The wind was howling, and the lightning had become more frequent. It was almost like I was controlling the storm with my mood.

“No. I will always be your friend. But I won’t be anything more. No more flirting, no more touches, and absolutely no more kisses. We’ll just be friends.”

His eyes narrowed in anger. “Blackmail, Rosebud? Really?”

“I am not trying to blackmail you, dumbass! I am asking you…begging you…to choose your fucking health, your future, over fucking alcohol! Forget about me. Take me out of the equation. Because you shouldn’t make this decision based on whether or not I’ll accept some stupid flowers. You should want a better life for yourself, not because of me.”

We stood there in the pouring rain, just staring at each other. I would not back down from this. Either he made a choice to get sober and we could explore this thing between us, or he chose alcohol, and we’d just stay friends. If he wanted to see it as blackmail, then that was his damage.

“I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know how.”

His voice was so small, my heart ached. I stepped closer to him and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I brushed his hair out of his eyes and cupped his cheek. The way he leaned into my touch nearly broke me. His body was trembling. Whether that was from the cold or from withdrawal, I couldn’t say.

“You take it one day at a time. Just like you did with narcotics, love. You have so many people in your corner this time, Sterling. You have Henry, Mia, Abby, and the boys.”

“And you? You’ll be with me, right?”

I smiled gently. “Of course. I told you. I care about you. I’m not going anywhere. I will be with you every step of the way. You can do this. I know you can.”

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against his chest, burying his face in my neck. I returned his embrace, running my fingers up and down his spine. I didn’t know what this meant for us. I don’t think he knew. But he wasn’t angry anymore. That was a good sign.

“I’m sorry, Rosebud,” he said finally.

“For what?”

“For everything that’s happened. And for everything that’s coming. I don’t know if I can do it, but I’m going to try. Is that enough?”

“Enough for what?”

“To not give up on us. I care about you, too. More than I’ve ever cared about anyone ever before. I don’t want to lose you.”

I pulled back far enough so I could meet his gaze. “You’re not going to lose me. As long as you’re making the choice to get sober for yourself and not just because you want in my pants.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Like you said, we’ll take it one day at a time.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

He looked over his shoulder toward the mountain pass. “Do you want to stay here and listen to music or…”

“I’m freezing and I hate being wet. I’m down to hang out, but it’s either going to be at my place where I can change into something dry, or your place. Your choice.”

“Let’s go to your place if you don’t mind. I think I left a pair of sweats the last time I stayed the night. I can give you a crash course on Solarian Chronicles, so you don’t walk into the game tomorrow completely clueless.”

“Sounds good.” I went over to the train station and grabbed my backpack. “To be honest, the only reason I agreed to play this game was because Sam promised snacks.”

He took my hand and led me toward the mountain pass. “You’re going to love it. You get to pretend to be someone else and have these epic adventures all without leaving your house. I used to play with my friends in the city all the time. Kai was an amazing DM…especially when he was high. Or maybe because he was high.”

That was the first time he ever mentioned one of his friends by name. It was always “my friends in the city” or “my old friends back in ZuZu City.” There was also a bit more sadness in his voice when he said this guy’s name.

Who was he to you? And why are you so sad?

I knew Sterling had a long road ahead of him. It was going to fucking suck. Yoba, those first few weeks that I couldn’t rely on food to keep my emotions in check were absolute hell. He kicked narcotics, cold fucking turkey. He could do this. He was going to hate it, but he was going to come out on the other side smelling like a rose and feeling so much better.

I, for one, couldn’t wait.

Chapter Text

“Okay, roll for initiative,” Sebastian said from behind his giant screen.

I stared at the bright orange polyhedral dice sitting on the table in front of me in confusion. “Which one is that again?”

Sterling smiled and shook his head. “That one, Rosebud,” he said, pointing to the big one. “The twenty-sided one.”

“Oh. Right.”

This was all so confusing. I understood the basic premise, but the nuances were killing me.  Solarian Chronicles was a turn-based tabletop RPG where the Game Master created a story based on a situation card and what Sterling referred to as a BBEG, or Big Bad Evil Guy, card. The cards acted as the foundation for the campaign, everything else was left up to the Game Master and their imagination.

Which was great and all, except there was a bunch of math involved. Sterling helped me make my character last night – a half-dragon Ranger with an affinity for potion making. He tried to explain stat modifiers and how they were applied in combat, but it went right over my head.

So far, we hadn’t had to use any of our stats. We got the quest from a very desperate-looking ratman who had traveled to the inn looking for a group of adventurers to save his village. It had been a lot of talking and arguing over who was going to lead this rag-tag group of misfits. There was me, Sebastian’s human wizard, Sam’s sword-wielding warrior, Abby’s dwarven cleric, and Sterling’s half-giant barbarian. The only thing we could all agree on was that the barbarian absolutely could not be the one in charge.

We had set out from the inn with only a general idea of what to expect at the end of the journey. About half a day’s journey from the capital city, we ran into a small band of goblins. Now we had to do all that dice rolling and modifier crap and I was nervous I was going to fuck it all up.

I picked up the die that Sterling had indicated and gave it a good shake. I let it go and it rolled a few inches before stopping with a pumpkin symbol facing up. Sebastian rolled his dice 5 separate times while the rest of the party rolled theirs.

“Well, fuck. I got a pumpkin. That’s probably, like, the worst thing I could get, right?”

Abby’s eyes went wide. “No, that’s a 20. The pumpkin is the highest number on the die; the leaf is the lowest. Good job, Orellana!”

That was the other confusing part. Once the game started, they didn’t refer to each other by their given names. It was all character names. And it wasn’t “my character does this action” it was “I do this thing.” They really got into this whole thing.

“Well, she’s definitely going first,” Sebastian replied, making a few notes. “Then it looks like Everan, Hawke, Gallex, two of the goblins, Aurelia, and the last two goblins.”

Okay, so me, Sebastian, Sam, Sterling, and Abby in that order. Got it.

They all stared at me expectantly. I frowned. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Sterling leaned down and whispered in my ear. “You have to tell us what you’re doing.”

“Oh. Right. Um. I shoot the goblin that’s closest to me?”

“Are you sure? You have a longbow. You get a -5 penalty to your dex and damage if you shoot at close range,” Sebastian asked, his left eyebrow raised.

Fuck. “Okay, then the goblin that’s farthest from me.”

“Great. Roll your attack die.”

“Shit. Which one is that?”

Sterling shook his head. “Weren’t you paying attention when we went over this at the beginning?”

“I tried to,” I admitted, my cheeks turning pink. “But I was distracted by Sam’s 7-Layer dip.”

He scooted closer to me and picked up the pencil next to my character sheet. The warmth of his body seeped into me through my clothes. I wanted to lean against him, but I didn’t want to send mixed signals. I bit my lower lip and watched as he made a few notes on my sheet.

“There. I wrote the die you need for each action. You got this, Rosebud.”

I smiled. “That’s Orellana to you, mister. Okay, so I roll the 20-sided one to see if I hit?”

“Yeah. Let’s see if that luck from that first roll carries through.”

I rolled the die again and got another pumpkin. Abby let out a string of curses that I had never heard her say before. My jaw dropped to my chest.

“Those fucking things never rolled that good for me! That’s why they got put in the bitch dice bag in the first place!” she growled.

“It’s beginner’s luck. She’ll botch at some point,” Sam said, unwrapping a peanut butter cup.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I muttered.

“Anyway,” Sebastian interrupted.  “Clearly you hit your target. Roll for damage.”

I nodded, picked up the pyramid-shaped die, and rolled. “I got a 3.”

“And we double that and add in your dexterity modifier, and we get 11,” Sebastian said, making notes. He rolled another die, I guess for defense. He must not have rolled well based on his expression. “Your arrow flies true and strikes the goblin in the chest near the heart. He’s wounded and will likely die soon.”

Why did that fill me with such pride?

“Okay, my turn.” Sebastian picked up his purple 20-sided die. “I’m going to cast fireball at the goblin standing next to the dying one. C’mon, baby, give me a good attack roll.” 

He rolled the die across the table and everyone around me groaned when it landed on a one.

“It’s never good when the wizard rolls a one,” Sterling said, wincing.

Sebastian rolled a few more dice and sighed heavily. “My fireball goes wide and hits a tree. Due to the drought the capitol area is currently facing the tree goes up like kindling and starts spreading.”

Sam lowered his head to the table. “So what was supposed to be an easy fight against a small band of goblins just got infinitely worse thanks to a fucking forest fire. Only us, man. Only us.” He sighed and sat up. “Well, I guess I’ll go after the goblin closest to me.”

Sam rolled well and managed to kill the goblin he went after. I clapped Sam on the back in congrats. I still had no idea what I was doing, but I was having fun.

“Okay, Gallex, it’s your turn. What do you do?” Sebastian asked.

Sterling smirked. “I rage.”

Sebastian’s dark eyes went wide. “On what is essentially two and a half goblins? Are you nuts?”

“Well, yeah. I’m a barbarian and I just saw that little puppy of a warrior and that tree-hugger just take out two enemies. My blood is pumping, and I want to feel my axe go through something fleshy.”

I stared at Sterling in shock. He was really getting into this, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find it a little bit hot.

“All right, I guess. But if you botch, I don’t know if your party can take the damage.”

There was a lot of dice rolling and a lot of calculating, but eventually, they figured out that Sterling’s rage wiped out the remaining goblins. He threw his great axe like a damn boomerang and decapitated them all, even the one that was on the ground dying. It was gory and revolting, but also really hot.

What is the matter with me?

“Well, crap. I guess that leaves me to deal with the fire. What’s the range on Create Water?” Abby asked.

Sebastian consulted one of his books. “Uh, at your level? About 20 feet.”

“If I succeed, will that take care of the fire?”

“Yes, but—”

“But nothin’. I cast Create Water over the fire,” she said excitedly, rolling her dice.

“Well, you succeed. But if you had let me finish, I would have told you that the tree line was only 10 feet away. A giant ball of water forms above the trees and releases, dropping gallons of water on the flames…and your entire party. Everyone is now soaked.”

“Ah, fuck me. I’m wearing plate armor! I’m going to rust!” Sam cried, glaring at Abby.

“You think that’s bad? I’m wearing all leather! Leather gets funky when it’s wet! And it draws up when it dries. I’m going to be walking around in tight leather pants!” I lamented, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Hey, I don’t mind. That ass in leather? Be still my heart,” Sterling said, placing his hands over his heart dramatically.

My face went crimson, and I smacked his shoulder. “Behave, dork. Or I’ll put an arrow through your face.”

The game continued until we made it to a small village with a kobold problem. The village elder offered us free room and board, plus a small amount of gold if we took care of them. Abby and I wanted to stay and help, but the boys wanted to push on and get closer to our final destination.

“The contract we signed has a bigger payout. Plus, the longer it takes us to get there, the more damage this mystery monster could do. Delays cost lives,” Sam said in character, his eyes narrowed.

“I didn’t take you for a mercenary, Hawke. You were a knight once, correct? Have you forgotten the Code of Solaria already?” Abby countered.

“Do not speak to me about the Code, dwarf. Your people don’t follow the teachings of Solaria. You know nothing of what you speak.”

“Look, I don’t know anything about Codes or Solaria,” I interrupted, frustrated with the argument. “We are growing close to the final harvest of the season and what little food these people have stored for the winter is being destroyed by these ugly little candle-wearing rat things. I will not let that continue.”

“Spoken like a true tree-hugger,” Sterling muttered.

“Oh, that’s hilarious coming from you. I’m actually stunned that you’re giving up the chance to kill something.”

Sterling shrugged. “There’s no booze at the inn and killing kobolds is boring. They don’t even have real weapons.”

“Is alcohol that important to you?” I asked, my left eyebrow lifting in question.

It took him a second to realize what he had said. “Oh, shit! No, that’s not what…fuck. I was talking in character, I swear.”

I suddenly didn’t feel like playing anymore.

“Okay, that’s enough. We’ve been at this for a while, and I think we all need to take a break. I’m going to step outside. You guys do what you want,” Sebastian said, coming to his feet and heading upstairs.

“I think…I think I need some fresh air. I’ll be back,” Sterling said quietly, scooting his chair back. My eyes followed him until he disappeared up the stairs.

“Do either of you need the bathroom?” Sam asked nervously.

Abby and I both shook our heads.

“Oh thank Yoba,” he groaned, racing upstairs.

“What got into him?” I asked, chuckling.

“The seven-layer dip. Sam’s lactose intolerant and refuses to accept it. Idiot.” Abby sighed. “Okay, girl. Spill it. What’s going with you and Sterling?”

I picked up the pencil in front of me and started fiddling with it. “We had ‘the talk’.”

“The…talk? You mean the ‘I can’t date you until you stop drinking’ talk? Oh, Yoba. How did that go?”

I sat back with a groan. “I have no idea.”

“Okay, I’m gonna need a little more context.”

“He didn’t really make a decision. I told him where I stood, and he just said he’d take it one day at a time. It was the most non-answer answer I’ve ever heard.”

“Well, at least he didn’t tell you to kick rocks. It sounds like he wants to try.”

“I just feel like…” I trailed off, not really wanting to voice what I was feeling.

The truth of the matter was it hurt that he hadn’t just come right out and said he was going to stop. It made me feel like I wasn’t worth it in his eyes. I know I told him he needed to change for himself, but there was that little piece of me that wanted him to want to change for me.

“It’s been at least, what, 3 days since he’s had a drink?” Abby asked.

“I guess so. I don’t know, though. He was sober when we went to the beach, but did he have a drink or two during the day? He was sober when he showed up at the train station last night and he seems to be sober now, but alcoholics are good at hiding it. I want to trust that he’s making the right choice, but I have no proof. I don’t even have a solid confirmation from him.”

“Sweetie, you’re going to worry yourself to death. You said it yourself, it’s his decision to make. All you can do is wait.”

“For how long?”

“That’s up to you. You have to figure out how much he means to you and whether or not you can give him the time he needs to figure his shit out.”

I massaged my temples. “Seriously, Abigail, how are you so good at this?”

A brief moment of sadness flashed in her eyes before she smiled. “I’m the mom friend. I’ve been solving girl problems for those two idiots for years.”

“Wait. Sebastian has…”

“Yeah. A few. Sam too.”

“What about you?”

She shrugged. “A few dates here and there, but no one special. It’s always been Sebby for me.”

And she had to watch while he dated someone else? Ouch.

"Wait. What about this whole bouquet rigamarole? I thought that was some kind of serious tradition thing. How do you casually date someone?"

"It's different when you're a kid. Like, no one really expects you to meet the love of your life in high school. Bouquets don't really matter until you turn 18."

“I’m so sorry, Abs. That can’t have been easy.”

“I’m used to it.” She shook her head and cleared her throat. “Okay, chin up, cupcake. They’re on their way back in.”

In the end, we stayed at the village and wiped out the kobolds. The boys had talked it over during the break and realized the gold would help us in the long run. Plus killing a bunch of kobolds wouldn’t take that long.

By the time the battle was over, I felt like I had a much better grasp of the mechanics of the game. When Sebastian called the game for the night I was so disappointed. I felt like I could go on forever.

We stood in the clearing behind Robin’s house delaying our goodbyes. It had been such a great night that we just didn’t want it to end, but curfews and work schedules just fucked everything up.

“Thank you for inviting me, Sam number 1,” I said, giving him a hug. “I had no idea this kind of thing could be so much fun!”

“Hey, you’re welcome! I’m glad you had fun. You’ll come next week, yeah?”

I grinned. “Hell yeah. Hawke owes me a new bow.”

He winced. “How was I supposed to know that Gallex the Mountain over there would crit his strength check?”

Sterling laughed. “Bro. Never challenge a half-giant to a feat of strength. Especially if he’s a barbarian.”

“Yeah, that was totally my bad.”

“I’m just glad that we have more players,” Sebastian said, flipping the lid on his lighter open and closed. “Less characters I need to play on top of playing all the NPCs.”

“I can’t believe you have to keep track of all that stuff. I’d get lost so fast,” I said with awe.

“You should see the stacks of notebooks he has from all our other games. Last I checked, it came to my hip,” Abby replied, smiling.

I shook my head. “It’s almost like a full-time job.”

“It feels that way sometimes,” he said with a small chuckle.

Sam checked his watch. “Shit, almost curfew. Mom will literally kill me if I miss again this soon. Abs, you ready to go?”

I gave each of my friends a quick hug and made Sam and Abby promise to text me when they got home. Sterling stood awkwardly for a moment, unsure of how to say good night to his new friends. Abby shook her head at him and gave him a hug.

“I’m glad you joined our game, Sterling,” she said as she stepped back.

“Yeah, me too. Thanks for letting me play.”

“Bring it in, bro. Bring it in,” Sam said, stepping up to Sterling. They did that weird “dude” hug where they grasped forearms and stepped into each other, slapping each other on the back. “Dude, you really know your shit. You ever think about GM’ing a game?”

Sterling’s eyes went wide. “Me? I dunno…I’ve never done it before.”

Sebastian shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind teaching you. It would be nice to just play for once.”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve had some ideas.”

“Cool.” Sebastian extended his hand to Sterling for a handshake. “Text me some time and we’ll set something up.”

Abby gave me a thumbs-up behind Sterling’s back. I was afraid my face would crack from the size of my smile. I wanted to hug all three of them and thank them for accepting him and showing him there was fun to be had without alcohol.

Sam and Abby waved once last time and headed down the mountain toward town. Sebastian watched them until they disappeared from sight, longing in his eyes.

“You know, I told her I wouldn’t say anything, but fuck it. She’s been there for me, and I owe her. Sebastian, put that girl out of her misery and give her a Yoba damned bouquet,” I said, throwing caution to the wind.

He turned his dark eyes toward me, his gaze narrowed, his brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

Sterling scoffed. “Dude. The tension between you two is intense. Just give her the bouquet. You will not be disappointed.”

“You’re both crazy. I’m going to the lake to smoke. Don’t follow me.”

He disappeared into the shadows, and I just shook my head.

“That boy is an idiot,” I said sadly.

“Totally. We hit him with a clue by four and he still can’t figure it out.”

I sighed and shook my head, turning toward the northern trail. “If I didn’t think it would set the whole town on fire, I’d give the girl a bouquet myself. Maybe that would motivate him.”

Sterling fell into step with me. “Careful, Rosebud. I am a jealous man.”

“Oh, hush.”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to his side. “It’s true. I don’t like to share.”

I slipped my arm around his waist. “Good to know. And for the record, neither do I.”

We walked in silence for a little while. I still wasn’t sure where I stood with him, but I wouldn’t deny that being this close to him was extremely comforting. I wanted him to wrap both arms around me and hold me against his chest. I wanted to feel his heartbeat against my cheek. I wanted him to kiss me again.

That thought had me stepping out of his arm and away from his side, my fingers trailing gently across his lower back. I needed to put space between us. I didn’t want to put him in an awkward position. I wanted to be with him so fucking bad and the fact that I couldn’t just pissed me off.

It took me a second to realize he wasn’t walking with me anymore. I turned around to find him leaning up against a tree, his hands shoved into his pockets, his gaze locked on the ground on the ground before him.

“Sterling? What’s wrong?” I asked him as I walked back.

He didn’t speak right away. His face was cast in shadow so I couldn’t see his expression. Fuck, I really hope I didn’t upset him. I just needed to think, dammit.

“Sterling?”

“Sorry, sweetness. I was just thinking about just how bad I want to fucking kiss you right now. Don’t worry,” he said, lifting his hands in surrender. “I won’t. I respect your boundaries. Even if it fucking sucks.”

You big marshmallow…it’s a good thing you can’t read minds.

I bit my lip to keep myself from blurting out that I wanted him to kiss me too.

“I’m trying, Rosebud. I really am. It’s been 3 days and I haven’t had a drop. The withdrawals are coming, I know that, but right now? I feel pumped. Almost bouncy, ya know? It feels good to actually do things with people. Tonight, I literally forgot about beer. I can’t remember a time I did anything with my friends with my friends back in ZuZu City. Or…here for that matter.”

“I know and I am so proud of you.”

He scoffed. “There’s another ‘but’ coming, isn’t there?”

“No. Not this time. I want to help you through this. What can I do? What do you need from me?”

“When I was detoxing off the pills, keeping busy really helped. Until I got hired at Pierre’s, I helped Henry on my uncle’s farm and did odd jobs for the farmers up in Grampleton. It kept me from thinking too much. There were a lot of days where I felt like absolute hot garbage, but I still did it.”

I took his hands in mine. “I think I can help with that. Roseville’s getting to be a little bit more than I can manage. Or I guess it’s better to say that the summer is just way too busy. There’s still so much debris that I need to clear, but I’ve got crops popping off every single day. With me not quite used to the heat of this stupid valley, I’m not getting very much done. I could use some help.”

“Yeah? You’re not just making shit up to make me feel better?”

“Nope. I found a ton of these blue geodes the last time I went into the mines. After I sold all the gems to Clint I was pretty flush with cash, so I decided it was finally time to build a barn. Which is great, except I don’t have anywhere to build it and I’m running low on wood. Every time I think it’s a good day to clear a spot, I’ve got a ton of crops that need harvesting. Robin’s coming over on Monday to set the foundation and there’s nowhere to put it.”

“Okay, okay. I get it. You need my help. You know, Rosebud, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were just trying to use me for my body.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know, because I’m strong? Why? What were you thinking?”

I felt my cheeks grow warm. “Never mind what I was thinking. So, are you going to help me or not?”

“Getting to spend time with you on your farm? How could I pass that up?”

I squeezed his hands. “It’s getting late, and my day starts early. Do you really want to walk all the way back to East Scarp from Roseville?”

“Not really, no. Look, I really don’t want to go home tonight. If I go home, I’ll be stuck with my thoughts. That doesn’t seem like a good idea, ya know? Can I just crash on your couch tonight?”

“I’m going to start charging you rent, but yeah.”

I liked waking up to another person in the cabin. I had gone from living with my parents to living in the dorms at ZuZu University with a roommate to living with Amber. I’d never really been alone until I moved here. I thought I was okay with that until the first time I woke up to find Sterling making breakfast in my tiny kitchen. He filled my little cabin with an energy I had been missing.

He pushed off the tree and invaded my personal space. He cupped my cheek and traced my cheekbone with his thumb. I was reminded of that night after The Egg Festival when we stood at the crossroads outside Marnie’s ranch. His bright blue eyes looked indigo in the silver moonlight. My heart sped up, my head started to spin. He was so close, the scent of his cologne surrounding me and sending the butterflies in my stomach into overdrive.

He smirked, his eyelids lowering. “I have a proposition for you, Rosebud,” he said, his voice a low rumble that sent a shiver down my spine.

“Yes?” I whispered, afraid of breaking this spell.

He leaned down, his lips millimeters from mine, and whispered, “First one back to the cabin picks the movie.”

And just like that, he was gone, racing down the trail at full speed. I stood there in the moonlight, my brain still full of starshine, trying to process what the fuck just happened.

“I’m going to kill him,” I muttered before taking off after him.

His legs were longer, and he had about a thirty-second head start. There was no way I was going to catch up to him, but I was going to do my damnedest.

He disappeared around the bend, and I swore under my breath. Holy Yoba, he was fast. It was so not fair! It was too dark so I couldn’t even appreciate the sight of that glorious ass as he ran.

I’m so going to hell…

Just as I rounded the same bend I heard him cry out and then a string of curses that would make a sailor blush. I picked up my pace and found Sterling on the ground giving the finger to a small boulder that he didn’t see in the darkness.

“Are you okay?” I asked, panting.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was able to turn so I landed on my ass instead of my face. The first thing I’m doing in the morning is kicking that rock’s ass.”

I shook my head and offered him my hand so he could stand. He waved me off and got to his feet.

I gave him a quick once over to make sure he really was okay before taking off at a dead run. I made it to the front porch before I let out an excited whoop and threw my head back in laughter.

“That was a dirty trick,” Sterling lamented as he walked up.

“You’re not exactly innocent, Sterling. You broke my brain up there.”

He grinned. “Well, good to know I still got it.”

“C’mon, you big dork. I’m in the mood for some Studio Ghibli goodness. I’m thinking Howl’s Moving Castle.”

“Sounds good to me. Hey, Rosebud? Thanks for this.”

I reached up and patted his cheek. “Hey, I’m getting free manual labor out of the deal, so it’s win-win.”

“See? I knew you were just after me for my body. You get the movie started, and I’ll make the popcorn.”

As I made my way toward my small living room area, my heart was so light. I had made such amazing friends in the few short months I had been here in Pelican Town. I needed to put some flowers on Grandpa’s grave tomorrow. I don’t know how he knew all those years ago that I would one day need this place, but I was so incredibly grateful. When I was a kid, it sometimes felt like he was the only one who gave a shit about me. Even now, almost a decade after his passing, it felt like he was still looking out for me.

Thank you for giving me this chance, Gramps. I promise to make the most of everything.

Chapter Text

I brushed the fallen leaves and other debris off my grandfather’s tomb before placing a small bouquet of wildflowers on the ground in front of the stone. I placed my right hand over my heart, bowed my head, and whispered a silent prayer of gratitude to Yoba for blessing me with such amazing grandparents.

Sterling hung back, his hands shoved into his pockets, his expression thoughtful. I walked up to him and placed my hands just above his hips before resting my forehead on his chest. He brought his arms around me in a gentle hug.

“Are you all right?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, I’m good. I just…miss my grandparents. My parents used to spend a month in the archipelago before my dad made partner at his firm. They would drop me off here on the farm and take off. It didn’t last very long since my dad was so damn ambitious, but those were some of the best memories I have of my childhood.”

“You know, I remember the day of his funeral. My uncle knew I would be bored out of my skull and would probably get in trouble, so he let me play in the woods near the pond by Marnie’s.”  He chuckled. “There was this girl in a fancy black dress sitting on the dock, reading a book. She introduced me to my favorite book series that day.”

I looked up and met his gaze. “Wait. Wait. Were you wearing a Karate Frogs t-shirt?”

He furrowed his brow. “I think so. That was my favorite cartoon as a kid, so probably. Why?”

I gently punched his shoulder. “You almost made me drop my book in the pond when you snuck up on me, you jerk.”

“That was you?” he asked incredulously. “You weren't wearing glasses!”

"I didn't start needing glasses until a year later. I hit a growth spurt and my eyes didn't catch up." I tilted my head in thought. "Hang on a tick. Where are your glasses?"

He stepped back and rubbed the back of his neck. “I grew out of them. I had a little bit of a lazy eye and the glasses helped strengthen the muscle. By the time I got to high school, I didn’t need them anymore.”

“I can't believe that was you. That's just...wow."

My grandpa’s funeral brought in hundreds of people from all throughout Stardew Valley. Grandpa had been well loved and everyone wanted to pay their respects. My mother had been the center of attention, so no one noticed when I slipped out and headed for someplace quiet to read. All those people, crying and telling stories about my grandpa had just been too much for me and I needed space to breathe.

The pond, with its little dock and wildflowers growing along the banks, had been perfect. I sat on the end of the dock, my feet dangling off the edge, and read my book. It was the first book in my absolute favorite series, and I hadn’t seen it in years. I had accidentally left it behind the last time I had visited. This was the first chance I’d had to get it back.

I was at one of the more intense scenes in the story when this lanky boy with copper hair wearing a lime green Karate Frogs T-shirt came up behind me and asked me what I was reading. I screamed and nearly dropped my book into the pond. After I recovered and slowed my racing heart, we sat and talked about books until an older guy and another kid about the same age came and told the boy it was time to go home.

I hadn’t thought about that day in years. I can’t believe just how small the world really was.  The fact that the boy I had talked to about books on one of the worst days of my life was now standing in front of me with a goofy grin on his face, my heart in his hands, was absolutely mind-blowing.

“You know, I had such a crush on you. I thought about you just about every day. I was so mad that I hadn’t gotten your name.”

I rolled my eyes. “You did not.”

“I did! Ask Henry the next time you see him. He dumped a bucket of water over my head one day because instead of helping him repair the chicken coop, I was staring off into space, thinking about you and how much I wanted to talk to you again. Small freaking world.”

I cleared my throat. “C’mon, dork. These chores won’t finish themselves.”

I opened the small shed where I kept all my tools and grabbed my scythe, garden shears, and the little red wagon I used to haul my crops to my shipping bin. Sterling reached over my shoulder and grabbed my pickaxe. He grinned as he tested the weight.

“Be right back, hot stuff. There’s a rock that needs to be taught a lesson.”

“Just make sure you put the stone in the chest over by my furnace. I wish you well on your journey of vengeance, brave Sir Gallex. When you’re done, you can wreak havoc on those stupid trees in the animal paddock.”

He rested the pick on his shoulder. “Sure thing. Looking forward to it.”

I shook my head as I headed toward the chicken coop. My chickens were very fussy. If they didn’t get their food immediately upon waking, they would make the worst racket. Nugget would literally chase me around the paddock just to teach me a lesson.

I didn’t believe in destiny. The idea that there was some grand plan for my life and that every decision I made, every bond I formed, was somehow guided by Yoba’s hand was ludicrous. Yoba had way more important shit to do than make sure I stayed on Their divine path. And yet…what were the odds that the scrawny kid who made me laugh with his really terrible jokes and helped me forget that the one person in this whole stupid world who would stand between me and my parents was gone would someday become one of the most important people in my life?

“Yoba works in mysterious ways,” I muttered as I opened the coop door.

As predicted, all four of my fluffy velociraptors had something to say about the fact it was 7am and they had not been let out. I was prepared to run, but Nugget just waddled over to the trees that Sterling was going to be cutting down and lay down in the shade.

“I guess I can have him leave a few trees for you little monsters.”

I gathered the eggs, filled the feeder, and refreshed their water. I needed to start saving up for one of those additions for my cabin, but a bigger coop would mean I could get more chickens. More chickens meant more eggs, which then meant more gold.

“Rock has been vanquished and I'm ready to tackle these trees. Where do you want me to start?”

I pointed to the copse of trees I needed to be cleared. “I think that’s the best spot for the barn. Do what you can, but don’t overdo it, okay? And maybe leave a couple of trees so the animals will have shade during the summer?”

“You got it. You go take care of your crops. I got this.”

“I’m serious, Sterling. It’s hot out here. Take breaks, drink water, and do all the things you need to not overheat, okay?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “This isn’t my first rodeo, Rosebud. I know what I’m doing. Now get going.”

I stood and watched him take the first few swings. The way he expertly gripped the handle of the axe, the way his muscles flexed and contracted as he swung, and the little sounds he made when the head of the axe made contact with the trunk of the tree made my whole body shiver. I had no idea how I was going to make it through this day.

My stomach rumbled as I put the last of my crops into the shipping bin. I checked my watch and blinked when I saw the time. No wonder I was so damn hungry. I made a quick mental inventory of what I had in the fridge and pantry, and everything would take too long to prepare.

It’s a good thing Pierre started selling those deli sandwiches. I could really go for a roast beef and cheddar right now.

I made my way over to the animal paddock and stood on the fence rail. Sterling had made incredible progress with leveling the trees. It was only a little after one in the afternoon and he was almost halfway done. If I was hungry, he must be famished.

“Hey, Sterling!” I called.

He poked his head out of the tree line and smiled. “Hey there, gorgeous. What can I do ya for?”

I felt my cheeks grow warm. I knew what he meant, but that didn’t stop my brain from screaming: I’d take an IOU at this point. Or a Klondike Bar.

I took a deep breath and shook those thoughts out of my head.

“I’m starving and all I have in the house is ingredients. I’m gonna run to Pierre’s and get some sandwiches. What kind do you want?”

“Yes! I love those things. Turkey and Swiss is my preference, but I’ll take anything. Thanks, Rosebud.”

“No problem. You need anything else while I’m out?”

He thought about it for a second but shook his head. “Nah, I’m good. I’m gonna keep working while you’re gone. This pine tree is being stubborn, and I want to bring it down before you get back.”

“Don’t overdo it, okay? I appreciate what you’re doing for me, but I don’t want you to get heat stroke or something.”

He grinned. “Don’t worry. I’m taking breaks, I’ve got plenty of water. I’m good. Go on, get. I got work to do.”

I hopped off the fence and headed back toward the house to grab my backpack. I made sure that I had my money pouch and took off for Pierre’s.

Sterling had helped me around the farm before today. This felt different. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but this just felt…intimate? That didn’t seem right, but it was the best word I could come up with. It’s just that this was the first time after our kiss. Before, he was just my friend. Or maybe we were never really “just friends”.  Even still, this felt more like…like my future.

Yoba, I was being silly. He needed to keep busy, and I had chores that needed doing. There was nothing else to it.

Mia was just coming out of Pierre’s when I entered the town square. Her brow was furrowed, and she had a worried expression on her face. She typed furiously on her phone for a few moments before putting it in her purse with a heavy sigh.

“Mia? Everything okay?”

“Oh, Samantha! Thank Yoba!” she cried. “I was just on my way to your farm. Have you seen Sterling? He hasn’t been home in days and he’s not answering his texts.”

“He’s…at my farm. He’s been there since the night of the thunderstorm. He didn’t text you?”

Mia pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “No. And I’ve been texting him for days and he hasn’t texted me back once.”

“I’m sorry, Mia. I had no idea. He’s chopping trees down in my animal paddock if you want to go chew him out.”

“No, I’ll leave that to you. Can you please remind him that he needs to at least come home for dinner tomorrow night? It’s his birthday, so he can do whatever he wants, but I’m making his favorite meal and I’ve already started making his cake.”

I bit my lip to keep myself from frowning. Why didn’t that big marshmallow tell me his birthday was coming up?

“I was going to text you an invite but since you’re here…we’re eating at 6. Do you think you can—”

“I’ll be there,” I said, interrupting her. Like hell I would miss this. If only to see the expression on his face when I showed up for his birthday dinner.

“Oh good! Great! Thank you. He doesn’t like making a big deal about his birthday, so we just have dinner as a family to celebrate. He doesn’t even like receiving gifts, so don’t feel like you need to bring him anything.”

“Sounds wonderful. Do you want me to bring anything for dinner?”

She tilted her head in thought. “I have been craving salad for weeks. If you could bring some produce from your farm, that would be perfect.”

“Of course! I’ve got some tomatoes that will be ready tomorrow. I might have cucumbers and maybe some green peppers too.”

“Perfect! Will you tell that big idiot to text me, please? I’ve been worried sick. I was worried he…well. It doesn’t matter. He’s safe and that’s all that matters.” Her expression grew serious. “Thank you for being there for him. He needed a positive influence in his life. I think you just might be what he needs to make a change.”

My cheeks grew warm. “I’m trying. He said staying busy helps, so he asked if he could help me on the farm since he had the day off. Don’t worry. I’ll chew his ass out and make sure he texts you.” 

“Thank you. Well, I better get back to the house and let Henry know I found him. See you tomorrow, Ros…Samantha. Sorry, Sterling never uses your name at home, so I forget sometimes that your name isn’t Rosebud.”

I chuckled. “Me too, honestly. Tell Henry I said hi.”

Why hadn’t he texted her back? He had to know that going silent would worry his family. He couldn’t even claim that his phone was dead. He was using it to look up stuff on the internet just last night. He was in so much trouble when I got home.

Abby was leaning against the counter, reading a magazine when I stepped through the door to her dad’s shop.

“Welcome to Pierre’s General Store,” she said without looking up, her voice betraying her utter boredom.

“Where’s your dad?” I asked, confused. I’d never seen Abby running the store before. Pierre was always behind the counter.

She looked up from her magazine and rolled her eyes. “Mom wanted to visit some friends in Grampleton and demanded that Dad go with her. Instead of closing the shop, he made me stay behind. It’s good practice, or whatever.”

“Aw, crap. We were supposed to do sword work today, weren’t we? I completely forgot.”

“It’s fine. Clearly, I’m not available today and I probably won’t be until Wednesday. Does that work for you?”

“Yeah, I’ll make time, no matter what. Just come to the farm around noon. That will give me enough time to get my chores done.”

“Sounds good. Oh, hey, did you happen to run into Mia on your way in? She was in here looking for Sterling earlier.”

I nodded as I made my way over to the cooler where Pierre kept his ready-made sandwiches. “Yeah. I told her that he’s been with me all weekend. I wish I knew why he was avoiding her. It seems weird that he wouldn’t get in touch with her.”

“So he stayed the night again last night? Oooh. That’s exciting! Anything interesting happen? Did you kiss again?”

I grabbed the sandwiches I came for and a couple of cold sodas and made my way up to the counter so Abby could ring me up.

“We watched a movie and went to bed. And before you ask, he’s been sleeping on my crappy couch. I only have a twin bed. There’s not enough room for two.” I sighed. “I wanted him to kiss me. He wanted to kiss me. But he understands that we can’t move forward until he’s sober. He’s currently helping me clear some trees on my farm since apparently keeping busy helps him not think about drinking. If he finishes today without taking a drink, it’ll be four days.”

Abby gave me my total and I fished out the gold I needed.

“That’s awesome! I’m pretty sure that’s the longest he’s gone since he moved back. I am giving him the biggest hug when I see him next,” she said as she bagged up my food. “Oh, hey, what are you doing for his birthday tomorrow?”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, considering I just found out that tomorrow is his birthday, not much. Mia invited me over to their house for dinner, but that’s it. Apparently, he doesn’t like making a big deal about his birthday.”

“You didn’t know?”

“No. He told me it was in the summer, but not what day.”

“I don’t understand that. I celebrate my birthday all week long.”

I could kind of understand. My birthday was never a big deal. When I was a kid, the only person who even acknowledged my birthday was my grandpa. Everyone else treated it like any other day. Amber went all out on the first birthday we were together. Every birthday after that somehow managed to be all about her.

“I dunno. Maybe something happened on his birthday that he doesn’t want to be reminded about.”

“Maybe. Do you think he’d get upset if I planned something with Sebby and Sam? Nothing crazy, maybe a bonfire by the lake? We haven’t had one yet this summer so we could just play it off as just friends hanging out. I hate not celebrating his special day.”

I shrugged. “I don’t think so. As long as we don’t mention his birthday, it should be fine.”

“Great! I’ll call the boys. What time is dinner?”

“Mia said they’re eating at six.”

“Okay, we’ll plan for around 8 or 9. I know it’s a Monday and everyone has to work in the morning, but it shouldn’t be an issue. This is going to be epic!” She smirked. “Maybe I’ll bring the stuff for s’mores.”

I glared at her and snatched the plastic bag off the counter. “You’re horrible.”

Her laughter followed me out the door.

The rhythmic sound of the axe meeting wood greeted me as I arrived on my farm. I couldn’t see him from the road, so I turned into the animal paddock and made my way toward the trees. When he came into view, my heart stopped.

He had stripped off his T-shirt while I had been gone and his muscular chest was on full display. He had worked up a sweat and practically glistened in the sun. My lips parted and my breath caught in my chest as he swung the axe toward the stump before him. His hands slid up the handle to ensure he had the right momentum and he grunted when the blade made contact with the stump.

“C’mon, baby, let go,” he said to the stump, his voice rough.

This is colossally unfair…

I continued to stare as he made a few more swings, each time his mouth got a little filthier. My heart was racing, and my head was swimming.

Yoba, if this is how he talks to trees, what’s he like in the bedroom?

The stump finally split with a satisfying crack. His grin was cocky, and he just radiated confidence.  

“Good girl,” he said as he leaned the axe against the trunk of another tree. He gripped the two halves of the stump and pulled, the two pieces coming apart.

My fingers went numb and the plastic shopping bag slipped from my grip, landing with a rustling thud on the ground.

How did two little words hold so much power? My lower half ached with want. Yoba was punishing me. That was the only explanation.

“Oh, hey, Rosebud. Welcome home!”

I gasped at the feelings that little phrase stirred within me. Home. With Sterling? Why did that sound so…right?

I shook my head and returned his smile. “I brought lunch.”

“Awesome. I’m starving. Meet you at the house?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

My brain was numb, and words were a struggle. I picked up the bag and walked slowly over to my front steps. What the absolute fuck was I going to do? All that temptation and I’m stuck on this side of everything. It’s for his own good, but I might actually die before he gets well.

Sterling had put his shirt back on before he joined me on the steps. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. I tried to hide it, but he noticed. He winked before raising his arms above his head and stretching with a satisfied moan.

I am going to implode right here on the front steps of my house.

I handed him his sandwich and drink. “Ran into Mia while I was in town,” I said casually. “She’s worried about you.”

He considered my words carefully before smacking himself in the forehead. “Aw, crap. I knew there was something I was forgetting! I’ll text her right now.”

I took a nibble off my sandwich and shook my head. “Dummy. You’ve been with me all weekend and you didn’t think that your family might be worried?”

He winced. “I always meant to, but I kept getting distracted.”

“She was actually on her way here when I ran into her. Next time, just make sure you let Mia and Henry know where you are. Especially given your history…”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Grovel at Mia’s feet, not mine. She also wanted me to tell you that you are free to do whatever you want tomorrow, but you have to come home for dinner.”

He slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Did she tell you why?” he asked, not looking at me.

I decided to play dumb for now. I rarely got to surprise him and getting to see his face when I showed up tomorrow was too good to pass up.

“Nope. She just said it was important. Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”

He didn’t answer. I shrugged and continued eating my sandwich. I wasn’t going to pressure him. Either he’d tell me, or he wouldn’t. He was allowed to have secrets. Yoba knows I still had mine.

“I have tomorrow off too, but I think I’m going to spend the day with Henry at my uncle’s place if that’s okay with you. It’s kind of a tradition, but if you want me to come over and help you, I’ll call Henry right now and cancel.”

“Sterling, look at me.”  He turned his gaze toward mine, his expression that of a puppy who was expecting to get kicked. I reached out and cupped his cheek. “Of course I want you to come over. I love having you here. But, if you want to spend time with your family, I want you to. Your family misses you, dork. We’re not attached at the hip.”

He gripped my wrist gently before turning and placing a small kiss on my palm. “Do you…” he sighed. “Do you maybe want to come to my house for dinner tomorrow night?”

Oh hell. I wasn’t expecting him to invite me himself. Well, that put a kink in my plan.

“I…I’ll try. I don’t know when Robin’s coming over to lay out the foundation, and the blueberries Gus ordered to send his friend’s winery will be ready to harvest tomorrow.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

We continued our lunch in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. I gathered our trash when we were done and took it to the trashcan next to my cabin.

“Thank you for all the work you’ve done in the animal paddock. I never could have gotten that much done on my own.”

He shrugged. “Chopping trees isn’t my favorite chore, but I’m surprisingly good at it. The rhythm of it all keeps me grounded.”

I could understand that. When my mind was all jumbled and I needed clarity, the natural cadence of working on the farm brought me the peace I needed.

“You’re welcome to come back anytime, Sterling. I mean it. It’s the least I can do. Even if I’m not here, feel free to do what you need to get through this.”

He came to his feet and chuckled. “There you go again. You really just want to watch me chop trees with my shirt off, doncha, Rosebud.”

My face went crimson, and I spluttered a protest. It’s not a lie, but he doesn’t need to know that.

He gripped the hem of his T-shirt and slowly pulled it over his head, revealing the strong lines of his torso to my gaze. The tattoo on his bicep drew my eyes and somehow I managed to wonder what he was going to get when he finally got sober from alcohol. Maybe I’d get one too. Something to commemorate my transformation.

He balled up the fabric and tossed it onto my porch with a wink. I averted my gaze and whispered a small prayer to Yoba for the ground to open up under my feet.

“I hate you,” I muttered finally.

He laughed, the rich sound sending shivers down my spine. “Just giving you something to look forward to, gorgeous.”

Oh yeah? Two can play this game.

I brushed past him as I went into my house and straight to my closet. I changed into the red bikini top and cut-off denim shorts I wore to the beach the other day. It was utterly impractical for working on the farm, but it would accomplish exactly what I wanted it to.

I knew I was playing a dangerous game. This is exactly the kind of thing I should be discouraging. I couldn’t even explain why I was doing it. I bit my lip and debated whether I should just change back. It was wrong to parade around like this in front of him. I was just going to send mixed signals and confuse everything.

And yet…

He had been teasing and tempting me for two days straight. Turnabout was fair play, right?

I stepped out of the house before I could talk myself out of it. The expression on his face made it all worth it. His gorgeous blue eyes went wide, and his eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline. I preened as he suddenly forgot to breathe.

“Everything okay?” I asked sweetly.

He ran his hand down his face and took a deep breath. “What the hell, Rosebud?”

I tilted my head. “I’m going to go tackle the south field. Sundown will be here before we know it and those trees won’t chop themselves.”

“The south field. The one in full view of where I’ll be working. Fan-fucking-tastic. You’re killing me here.”

I sashayed past him, swinging my hips just enough to get his attention. I paused a few steps away and looked over my shoulder with a sultry smile. “I’m just giving you something to look forward to, handsome.”

We wound up working all the way up to sunset. Sterling was able to clear all the trees I needed, and we collected the wood and stone into a chest for Robin to use for the barn. I changed back into something practical after only about an hour. That bikini top provided zero support, so my back was killing me. I got what I wanted out of it, so it wasn’t a total waste.

He stayed the night again since he was too exhausted to make the long walk back to East Scarp. I made sure he texted Mia to let her know before falling asleep myself.

I woke up to an empty cabin and a text saying he left early to meet up with Henry and that he really hoped I could make it to dinner. Little did he know…

Robin showed up right at 9am and got right to work setting the foundation for my barn. The sound of her hammer and saw kept me company as I went about my chores. I had gotten so much done the day before that I didn’t have as much to do today.

I stared at the bunch of sunflowers in my wagon as I put the flour, wheat, and blueberries into my shipping bin. Mia said he didn’t like receiving presents on his birthday, but it felt wrong not to bring him something. I chose the three best blossoms and set them aside. Half of the rest went into the bin for Aideen, the other half I would dry out and collect the seeds to replant in a couple of days.

I put my tools away and headed into the house to take a shower and get ready for dinner. I didn’t have a vase, so I wrapped the stems in a damp paper towel and covered them in foil. Hopefully, Mia would have something he could put them in.

Abby texted to let me know the bonfire was a go just as I entered the town square. I was really looking forward to hanging out with everyone again. I just hope everyone could keep the “b-word” off their lips so Sterling wouldn’t get suspicious.

My heart started fluttering as soon as I crossed the Shearwater Bridge. I couldn’t explain why I was suddenly so nervous. Sterling invited me. He wanted me to be there. I knew that. And I know a small part of me wanted to see his surprised face when I walked in the door, but now that I was approaching his front door, I felt a little overwhelmed.

It was something that Mia said yesterday. They got together as a family to celebrate Sterling’s birthday. Was I family now? We were friends, yes. More than friends to be honest, but family? That…that was a lot. Having him on the farm, waking up to him in the house, sharing meals with him…that felt comfortable and right. There was just something so weighty about the word. I wasn’t opposed to being family. I just…didn’t know how.

What did I know about family? I had one person in my entire life who had treated me like family, and he had been gone for almost a decade. I knew what I wanted from family, and I had a vague notion of what family should be like, but in reality, I had no idea.

I stood on the threshold of Sterling’s house and hesitated. Did I knock? Everyone in Pelican Town had this open-door policy. Knocking was practically unheard of. Was it the same here in East Scarp?

“You don’t have to knock. They’re expecting you.”

I jumped and squeaked at the sound of Henry’s voice. I spun around and met his gaze, my hand over my racing heart. Sterling’s cousin was about my height and stocky with a gentle face and quiet demeanor. I’d only spoken to him a handful of times—town festivals, the few times he joined Sterling at the Saloon—but I liked him. He was soft-spoken and thoughtful, and more than a little shy. Basically, the complete opposite of his cousin.

“I’m sorry. I thought you heard me coming up.”

I took a steadying breath and smiled. “You’re fine. I’m just all up in my head and not really paying attention. Sterling’s not with you?”

He pushed his glasses further up his nose. “The tractor went down again so Dad sent him home early. He was…” he sighed. “He was kind of in the way.”

I raised my left brow. “In what way?”

“The shakes have started. He was moving slowly because he wasn’t feeling his best and he kept complaining that his head hurt. I know what’s going on, and I think even Dad knew what was going on, but we got more done after he left than we did with him there.”

“I’m sorry,” I said with a sigh.

“For what?”

“I’m not really sure. I guess…I’m the one who’s encouraging him to stop drinking. So I guess it’s kind of my fault he’s not feeling great?”

Henry smiled and shook his head. “Not your fault. You’re not the only one who’s been trying to get him to stop drinking. If you’re looking to place blame Mia, me, Dad, Pierre, and you all played an equal part.” He chuckled softly. “Well, maybe you have a larger piece of the pie, but still.”

I lowered my gaze. He was right, but I still felt guilty. I shouldn’t, but I did.

“Hey, don’t do that. You care about him, and you want him to get better. That’s a lot more than his other…friend…would do for him. As lame as this may sound, Mia & I really appreciate all that you’re doing for him. You’re all he talks about now. It’s refreshing.” He glanced at his watch. “Yikes, we better get in there before Mia kills us for being late.”

Whatever Mia was making for dinner smelled amazing. My stomach rumbled and my mouth began to water. I wanted to go straight into the kitchen and devour everything.

I really need to start eating better.

“Look who I found,” Henry called, kicking off his boots.

Mia poked her head out of the kitchen and smiled in greeting. “Hey, you two! You’re just in time. Samantha, can you go get Sterling? He should be in his room.”

I nodded. “Sure. Um. Where is it?”

“First door on the right,” Henry replied, pointing toward the hallway.

As I passed by the kitchen, I handed Mia the bag of produce I brought for the salad. She smiled and disappeared back into the kitchen to chop the veggies.

I knocked gently on Sterling’s bedroom door, my heart in my throat.

“It’s open!” he called.

I inhaled quickly through my nose before opening the door slowly. “Hey, you. Dinner’s ready.”

Sterling’s room was on the small side. Or maybe it just felt that way because of all the boxes. The only furniture was his unmade bed, a small desk with a laptop covered in stickers, a dresser, and a mini fridge. The rest of the room was filled with beat-up moving boxes.

“Rosebud! You made it!”

The joy on his face made my heart hurt. I should have just told him I’d be here.

“I got done with my chores early and thought, ‘What the hell? I could use a free dinner.’ And here I am.”

He chuckled. “Well, I’m glad you made it. Wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

“Here, these are for you.”

I presented him with a small bouquet of sunflowers. His gorgeous blue eyes went wide, and his cheeks went pink. He took the flowers from me with trembling fingers and brought them close to his chest.

“I knew sunflowers were pretty, but I never thought about someone gifting them to me. I…” He trailed off, his eyes closing. He took a deep breath before continuing. “Sorry, I’m getting self-conscious. Been the one giving flowers all my life, I suppose. It’s a strange…welcome change. Thank you, Rosebud.”

“You’re welcome. I have a bunch of field snacks for you at the house. They weren’t ready by the time I had to leave. You’ll just have to come by and get them later.”

He set the bouquet down gently on his desk. “You know.”

“Know…what? That you are horribly obsessed with field snacks? I’ve known that for a long time. It’s not exactly a secret.”

I knew what he meant. I could tell by the expression on his face that he was embarrassed.

“Well, yeah, but no. You know that this is my birthday dinner.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah, I do. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t want me to know.”

He shrugged. “I just…I dunno. I don’t like making a big deal about my birthday.”

“Did you think I’d make a ‘big deal’?” I asked, with air quotes.

“No, it’s not that. Look, my life has been a series of fuck ups. Sometimes it feels like I’m lucky to be alive, but it also feels like I kind of don’t deserve to be here. So I don’t really like celebrating…me.”

My heart shattered into a million pieces. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against his chest. His spine stiffened for a brief moment before he returned my hug, resting his head against mine.

“I’m okay, Rosebud. I’m just all up in my feels today and I feel like shit.”

“Henry said you weren’t feeling well. Anything I can do to help?”

“This is helping more than you know.”

We stood there in each other’s arms for I don’t know how long. I listened to his heartbeat against my cheek and just breathed in the warm, spicy scent of his cologne mixed with the essence that was just pure Sterling. I wanted to tell him just how much he meant to me and that I was so glad he was still here. That he deserved to celebrate the fact that he had been born, that he was alive. There were struggles ahead, sure, but I would do everything I could to make sure he made it through to the other side. Next year, I was making a huge fucking deal about his birthday whether he liked it or not.

He kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath.

“I found something while I was unpacking that I want to show you.”

I reluctantly stepped out of his arms, missing his touch instantly. “Oh yeah?”

He reached into his front pocket and produced a small silver coin. It was pretty beat up but the words “24 Hours Sober” stood out clearly against the scuffed surface.

“It’s my silver chip,” he said with a small smile. “In my 12-step program, this chip means I was sober for 24 hours. That was the longest 24 hours of my life, but I did it.”

“Yes, you did, and I am so proud of you,” I replied, grinning.

“Thanks. I didn’t think I was going to make it. I don’t know if I ever told you, but I had just gotten everything out of my system only a little bit before you got here.”

He leaned against his desk. “My friends in the cit—The people I used to hang out with in the city got me to try pills for the first time. They wanted us to do it all together. I got hooked bad.”

I sat on the edge of his bed. I’d heard this story before, but this was the first time he’d told me while he was sober. If he needed to bare his soul, I wasn’t going to stop him. Sometimes the best way to heal was to pick off the scab and let the poison bleed out. It might leave a scar, but the wound would finally be closed.

“I’ve been off the drugs for four months now. I just got my purple chip at my last meeting.”

“That’s amazing!! Good job!”

“It doesn’t feel amazing. Not yet. But thanks.”

He started running his thumb across the surface of the chip, his eyes locked on a point above my head, his expression thoughtful. The fact that he had been off the pills and drugs for four months was such a huge win. There had been so many addicts in my treatment program—kids my age or younger who were so hopelessly addicted to substances. Most of them had detoxed in the hospital, but the aftermath had been rough. He did it himself and lived to tell the tale. Of course, that’s probably why he was now addicted to alcohol. Addiction transfer was a total bitch and almost guaranteed if you didn’t have someone to help you figure out better coping skills.

“The silver chip is my favorite,” he said finally. “Those first 24 hours…I was in such a dark place. I almost…well, it doesn’t matter. This chip shows how far I’ve come, and it means the absolute world to me.”

Did he mean he almost…oh, Yoba. You big marshmallow. I just want to wrap you up in a warm, fuzzy blanket and give you a lifetime supply of field snacks, I thought, trying to fight back tears. I sat on my hands to keep myself from running to him and wrapping him in my arms. He needed to finish.

“I want you to have it,” he said softly, meeting my gaze.

“Me? Why?”

He shrugged. “When I got here and met Shane, it felt comfortable. Like, he got me. He was happy to be miserable about life and drink it away with me.”

“Just like the people you used to hang out with.”

“Yeah, exactly. It felt like getting clean off the drugs…That’d be as far as I’d ever get. That was okay for me, you know? I had someone to be there with me through it all.”

I fought very hard to keep my face neutral. He was being so honest and vulnerable with me, and I didn’t want to fuck it up by showing him how much I didn’t want to talk about Shane. The asshole had kept a low profile ever since The Egg Festival. I’d only seen his stupid face a handful of times since then. I preferred it that way. I didn’t want to break his stupid nose.

“But now I have you. And…I’m ready. I’m ready for my silver chip for alcohol too.”

“You’ve made it five days, Sterling. You’ve made it past the first 24 hours already,” I said, frowning.

He averted his gaze. “Four days. I, uh, took a shot with my uncle to celebrate my birthday. But only the one. That’s part of the reason I felt like shit today. I feel…guilty? I guess? I tried to tell him no, but the only time he drinks this bottle of whiskey is on our birthdays. We’ve taken a shot on every birthday since I was 15. I’m sorry.”

“A shot with your uncle is way better than what you were doing.” I sighed. I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t expecting perfection. Demanding that he never make a mistake was just asking him to fail. I just didn’t know how to say it without it sounding like I was giving him permission to drink. It was such a fine line. “Cold turkey isn’t easy. Four days is still an amazing accomplishment. Don’t discount that fact just because of one slip-up.”

I went over to him and cupped his cheek, gently guiding his gaze back to mine. “You’re doing such a great job. Don’t beat yourself up over this, okay?”

He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. “I’ll try not to. I just don’t want you to disappear on me.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise. Lean on me whenever you need me.”

“Thanks, Rosebud. Meeting you has helped me realize the support network I have at home. I’m not actually alone.”

He reached up and gripped my wrist gently. He pulled my hand away from his face and pressed the silver coin into my palm, closing my fingers around the rough surface.

“Keep it safe for me, okay? Hold on to it whenever you need strength.”

I held the coin tight feeling stronger just for having it in my hand. “Shouldn’t you hang on to it? Won’t you need it for the journey ahead?”

“It’s time I learned to stand on my own two feet. I can do this. Especially with your cute face by my side.”

“I’ll keep it safe. I promise.”

He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Can I…can I kiss you? I know I don’t really deserve it after today, but…it’s my birthday and I’ve wanted to kiss you for, like, three days and it’s killing me.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. I stood up on my tiptoes and pressed a small kiss against his cheek. “Tell ya what, handsome. You get that yellow chip for 30 days and you can have all the kisses you want.”

“You serious? Hell yeah!” He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off my feet. He spun me around gleefully. “You just gave me something to work toward, hot stuff.”

“Put me down, you big dork. Dinner is waiting.”

He set me on my feet. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too. Oh, before I forget, we’re meeting Abby, Sam, and Sebastian up at the lake near Seb’s house for a bonfire after dinner. If you’re interested.”

“For my birthday?” he asked, his brow furrowed in suspicion.

I shrugged. “Abby said they hadn’t had one all summer and their schedules finally aligned.”

“Uh-huh. I’m down as long as they don’t plan on singing or making me wear a pointy hat, I think it’s fine.”

“Come on. Whatever Mia made for dinner smells fantastic and I haven’t eaten all day.”

He kissed my forehead. “All right, all right. Let’s go. Thanks for coming, Rosebud. This is the best birthday ever.”

Chapter Text

Mia was an absolute wizard in the kitchen. Thick-cut ribeye steaks cooked to medium-rare, creamy, cheesy scalloped potatoes, a savory vegetable medley, and a fresh garden salad… I would be dreaming about that dinner for the next forever.

I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit like I was intruding. They did their best to include me in the conversation, but I didn’t have much to contribute. Family dinners at my parents’ house were silent affairs. Dad would read briefings, Mom would be on her phone, and I was not allowed to interrupt them. I didn’t know what to do during an exuberant and boisterous event like that.

I offered to help wash dishes afterward, but Mia and Henry forced us out the door.

“Go have fun with your friends. We got this.”

From the not-so-secret look Henry gave Mia when her back was turned, I could guess that they just wanted some privacy.

As we stepped out into the warm summer night, Sterling shyly took my hand and threaded our fingers together. He brought our hands up and pressed a small kiss to my fingers, a small smile on his lips.

“This has been one of the best birthdays in a long time. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but it’s not over yet!” I started walking, pulling him along with me. “Sam said he was bringing his guitar and Abby promised some kind of snack.”

He grinned. “I’ve got all the snack I need right here.”

My cheeks turned pink. I would never admit it out loud, but I had missed his cheesy pick-up lines.

We followed the trail that led north out of East Scarp and served as the “back way” into the area at the base of the mountain. I could see the warm gentle glow of the bonfire across the lake as we broke through the tree line. As we grew closer, I could hear the soft sounds of an acoustic guitar over the laughter of our friends.

As far as bonfires go, this one was pretty small. Not that I had a huge frame of reference unless you counted a small obsession with teen beach movies when I first moved into the dorms. The fire itself was larger than the one Sterling and I had when we went to the beach a few days ago. They had dragged several large logs for seating.

Seriously, has no one in this town heard of a lawn chair? I thought.

Abby sat scrolling through her phone while Sam lounged on the ground, his back against one of the logs, strumming random notes on a dark-colored acoustic guitar. Sebastian sat across the fire from Abby, his nose buried in a coding book.

“This is the most exciting bonfire I think I’ve ever seen,” Sterling deadpanned.

“You finally made it!” Abby cried as we walked up. She came to her feet and rushed over to us, throwing her arms around me for a brief hug. She turned to Sterling with her hands on her hips. “I know you don’t want to make a big deal so I’m only going to say this the one time and then we’ll go back to pretending this is just any other day. Happy Birthday, Sterling.”

Sam strummed the first few bars of “The Happy Birthday Song” as we took our seats. Sterling shot a glare over his shoulder and Sam just laughed.

“Sorry, dude. Couldn’t help it.”

Abby sat next to Sebastian and gave him a small nudge. “Put the book down, Sebby. They’re here.”

Sebastian looked up from his book, his expression slightly bewildered. “Huh? Oh. Hey, guys.”

I sat on the log that Abby abandoned, and Sterling sat on the log next to mine. “Stuck on a line of code?” I asked.

Sebastian nodded. “I just built a website for an author up in Castle Village. He loved my work so much that he wanted me to build him an app too. There’s something missing in the code somewhere and I can’t find it. I’ve tried every debugger I know and they’re not finding it either. I’m about to give up.”

“Have you tried rubber ducking?” Sterling asked.

“Rubber…what now?”

Sterling rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. “It’s something I learned in school. You get an object: a rubber duck, an action figure, a stuffed animal, whatever you want. When you’re stuck on a line of code or if your program is being stupid, you start talking to the rubber duck. The theory is that if you talk it out with something that can’t talk back, you’ll find the issue.”

Sebastian blinked a few times as he considered Sterling’s words. “You know, that’s just batshit crazy enough to work. Thanks, man. I’ll try that when I get home.” He snapped his book closed. “Have you seen that video on VineTube of the guy who found that stash of vintage bikes in an old barn up past Castle Village?”

“Only, like, 80 times! That guy had the very first QiCycle that ever came off the line. The lines on that thing. Yoba, I get shivers every time I see it.”

“Same! And I know we’re at war and shit, but that purple Gotoro XV970 with the lime green trim? Sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Sebastian replied. He winced. “Sorry, Sam.”

Sam shrugged. “They may be a bunch of assholes, but they make pretty bikes. Besides, Dad will be home at the beginning of the year.” He set his guitar off to the side. “Personally, I can’t stop thinking about that maroon piece with the golden flames.”

“Oh, man. The one with the long forks and the ape hangers?  Fuck, that one is nice.”

I furrowed my brow. “The what and the what whats?” I asked, confused.

Sterling chuckled. “Sorry, Rosebud. It’s slang. Forks are the tubes that hold the front wheel on and ape hangers are those handlebars that go up really tall and extend out with the handle grips.”

Abby put her hands on Sebastian’s shoulders and gave him a push toward Sam and Sterling. “If you’re going to get a boner over motorcycles, trade places with Samantha so we can talk.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes and came to his feet. “All right, all right. No need to shove.”

We swapped places and the boys continued their discussion on the vintage bikes. I sighed happily and rested my head on Abby’s shoulder.

“Thank you for this, Abs. This is perfect.”

She leaned her head against mine. “You’re welcome. He looks good. Maybe a little dark under the eyes, but still. It’s what, five days now?”

“The clock restarted today. He took a shot with his uncle today.”

“Just the one? Well, damn. I can’t really get mad about just one shot. It’s not great, but it’s progress.”

“That’s what I told him. He gave me his silver chip tonight.”

“I’m missing something. What’s a silver chip?”

I pulled the coin out of my pocket and showed her. “He got it when he was off the pills for 24 hours. He said he wanted me to hold on to it.”

“Did he say why?”

I shrugged as I slipped the coin back into my pocket. “Sort of? He said he was ready for his 24-hour chip for alcohol and wanted me to keep this one safe. Said to hold it in my hand if I ever needed to feel strength. It’s one of his most prized possessions.”

“That’s strangely sweet.”

I watched him across the fire, his face half in shadows. His blue eyes were electric as he pantomimed something excitedly. His deep rumble of laughter sent a shiver down my spine. Yoba, he was killing me. When he asked me for a kiss earlier I almost gave in. My lips had been missing his since the night after our date and I was desperate to feel his lips on mine. I wanted him to hold me and thread his fingers through my hair. The reward would be worth it, but Holy Yoba, I would probably explode before I got there.

I groaned. “It’s not fair, Abs. Why did I have to fall for the broken marshmallow? I want to kiss him so damn bad and I can’t. I know it’s for his own good, but what about my own good?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie. Anything I can do?”

“No,” I replied miserably. “Not unless you can somehow figure out how to alter time and speed up his recovery.”

“Magic is good, but not that good. I’ll think of something. Probably involving lots of chocolate and romantic comedies.” She sighed. “I can’t believe I’m getting jealous over a bunch of bikes. I wish Sebastian would talk about me that way.”

“Good things come to those who wait or some shit. Just give him the damn bouquet already. If he doesn’t accept it, you can hit him over the head with it. But I am 1000% sure he will accept.”

“I bought one. It’s sitting in a vase on my dresser at home. I just need to find a time when Sam isn’t around to give it to him.”

“Let me know when you want to do it and I’ll invite Sam to the farm so he’s good and distracted.”

“You’re the best, sweetie. Thank you.” She groaned. “This is so boring. Time to liven things up.”

“What do you have in mind?” I asked cautiously.

She stood up. “You’ll see,” she replied with a wink.

Oh, dear Yoba…if she suggests skivvy dipping, I’ll put a grasshopper in her shorts.

“Boys, we’re feeling a little left out over here. Let’s play a game!”

“Wha’cha thinkin’?” Sam asked, his brow lifted.

“How about…Truth or Dare?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I’m down. But I don’t care what anyone says, I am not making out with Sam this time.”

“Bro, don’t worry. I came prepared.”  Sam fished a tin of mints out of the pocket of his jeans. “See? No garlic breath this time.”

“Not happening, dude. Never again. You use too much tongue.”

“I take it that was your doing?” I asked Abby, laughing.

“I didn’t think Sebby would actually do it! We had a bet going. Whoever refused to answer or do a dare first had to eat a Strange Bun. I was trying to win.”

“Hey! I love those damn things. I have no idea what the filling is made of, but it’s tasty,” Sterling said defensively.

“You are so weird,” Abby returned.

Sterling shrugged. “To each their own, yeah? If we’re playing Truth or Dare, what are the terms since Strange Buns are hard to come by. When I used to play in the city, we would take a shot if we refused.”

“Well, that’s completely off the table,” I said drolly. “I’m no help either. I’ve only played a couple times and it was always the, uh, strip variety? Every time we refused we had to remove a piece of clothing.” I lifted the strap of my yellow camisole. “I’m not dressed in layers so that’s not happening.”

“I dunno. I kind of like those terms,” Sterling replied, a smirk lifting his lips.

“No way,” Abby and Sebastian replied at the same time.

“It’s easy,” Sam offered. “Everyone gets three vetoes. If you use your third veto, you have to jump into the lake—fully clothed.”

I shivered at the thought. This lake was fed by an underground stream and stayed icy cold year-round. Even on a hot night like tonight, it would be freezing. Definitely a good deterrent to refusing to answer.

“Okay, are we ready to start?” Abby asked.

“Hold on. Who’s going first?” Sam asked.

“Odds or Evens?” Sebastian suggested, shifting to lean against the log next to the one Abby & I were sharing. “Last one standing goes first.”

“Okay, who’s calling?” Abby asked.

“The birthday boy, obviously.”

The rules were simple. Sterling would count to three and we’d hold up fingers on one hand. If he called Odds and you were holding up an even number of fingers, you were out and vice versa. I had a bad feeling about this. I was terrible at these kinds of games. Apparently, I have a tell.

Sebastian and I got eliminated in the first round. Sebastian took over calling out the next round and Sam got booted. Sterling lost the third round so Abigail got to go first in Truth or Dare.

She met each of our gazes, tapping her lips with the pointer finger on her right hand. “Hmmm…who to pick? I have so many ideas for each of you…”

Please don’t pick me. Please don’t pick me. Please don’t pick me, I chanted in my head.

“Samantha! Truth or dare?” she asked, a devilish gleam in her eyes.

Fuck!

“Fuck it. Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss Sterling, on the lips, for at least 30 seconds.”

“Abigail! Are you out of your mind?” I hissed, my eyes narrowed.

“Weren’t you just saying you wanted to kiss him? Here’s your chance,” she whispered back, her smile saccharinely sweet. “If you don’t want to go through with it, use one of your vetoes and break his heart.”

I met Sterling’s gaze. His expression was hopeful but also cautious. It had only been a couple of hours since I had told him that there wouldn’t be any kisses until he got his yellow chip. I was so screwed. If I said no and used one of my vetoes, he would be so sad. If I said yes, I was crossing my own damn boundary and essentially telling him it was okay to blur the lines. I nibbled on my lower lip as I thought it through. I didn’t want to mess this up, but I also didn’t want to break his fucking heart.

“It’s okay, Rosebud,” he said quietly, his voice barely audible over the crackle of the fire.

I came to my feet with a sigh. If I was going to do this, I was going to make it the best fucking kiss he’d ever had. I was going to give him something to work towards; something to look forward to. I took the jaw clip out of my hair, releasing the soft pink waves to fall around my shoulders. This was either going to be epically awesome or an epic disaster. Either way, I was going to jump into it with both feet.

“Rosebud?”

I stalked toward him, putting a little swing in my hips, ignoring the other three people around the fire.  He swallowed thickly, his eyes never leaving mine. With a small smirk, I straddled his lap, crossing my wrists behind his neck. He settled his large hands on my waist to steady me.

“You don’t have to do this. I’ll use one of my vetoes and we can pretend this never happened,” he said just loud enough for only me to hear.

“Only if you want to. If you want me to walk away, I will. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Are you fucking serious? I want this more than anything, but you said…”

“Fuck what I said earlier. That can start tomorrow. Or it can start right now. I’m okay with either. What about you?”

He weighed both options carefully before nodding. “Let’s do this.”

“Abby, start the timer,” I said over my shoulder before leaning closer to Sterling.

I molded my lips to his, and my mind was filled with starshine. One of his hands slid up my spine to thread his fingers into my hair at the nape of my neck and gripped just tight enough to cause me to gasp. Our tongues swirled and danced together, and a slow, aching burn settled low in my core.

He moaned low as he clung desperately to the back of my camisole. I wanted his hands all over me. I could feel the effect of my kiss on him growing against me and my hips started moving of their own accord, searching for the friction I so desperately craved.

I needed to stop this before things escalated further, but I couldn’t bring myself to. The warmth of his touch, the taste of his lips, and the way we fit together so perfectly were all rushing to my head. I ran my fingers through his hair, marveling at just how soft the strands felt against my skin.

I wonder how they would feel against my thighs…

An irritating series of trilling beeps brought me back from the stratosphere. He pulled away from me with a groan, his breath coming in ragged pants.

“Happy birthday,” I whispered, placing a small kiss on the tip of his nose.

“Holy fuck, Rosebud.”

“Not right now, sweetness. We have an audience.”

He rested his forehead against mine, his fingers still in my hair. “Don’t get up just yet, okay?”

I chuckled softly. “I know. I can feel it. Don’t worry. For all they know, Linus is the only one pitching a tent in the forest tonight.”

“Does anyone else feel like they need a cigarette after that or is it just me?” Sebastian asked, his voice colored with more than a little awe.

“I don’t know about that, but I feel like I need a little alone time. Holy Yoba, I haven’t seen moves like that outside of…never mind,” Sam answered, moving his guitar over his lap.

“No kidding,” Abby whispered. She shook her head and cleared her throat. “Samantha, it’s your turn.”

I patted Sterling on the shoulder to get him to let my shirt and hair go. I turned so I was sitting on his lap side-saddle. He wrapped his arm around my middle and rested his hand just above the waistband of my capris. I met Sebastian’s gaze, a predatory grin on my face.

“I don’t like the way she’s looking at me,” he said, shifting slightly in his seat.

“Sebastian. Truth or dare?” I asked sweetly.

“I don’t think we can go through another dare right now. Let’s go truth.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, turning my gaze to Abigail.

He shrugged. “If I don’t want to answer, I have my vetoes. Do your worst.”

“This is kind of a two-part question, so feel free to veto one or both parts. How long have you had a crush on Abigail, and would you accept a bouquet from her if she gave you one?”

Abigail’s face went so red I could see the crimson hue even over the firelight. She squeaked my name in a tone so high I wasn’t even sure I actually heard it.

Sebastian fiddled with the drawstring on his hoodie for a few moments before answering. “Since I was 15 and yeah, probably.”

The clearing went silent. I was pretty sure Abigail was about to faint. The blush faded from her cheeks and her jaw hit her chest.

“Told you so,” I said, smugly.

“I call bullshit,” Sam said with a frown. “It’s been way longer than that.”

“No, 15 is when she started growing her hair out,” Sebastian countered.

“Correction, my dude. Thirteen is when she started growing her hair out. It was just past her shoulders at 15 and she started putting in those rainbow-colored clip-in extensions. But at thirteen she started dressing more goth and wearing all the eyeliner.”

I turned my gaze to Sam. “How the hell do you know all that? Do you have a crush on Abigail?”

He rolled his eyes. “I love Abigail like a sister. But that idiot,” he pointed at Sebastian, “wouldn’t shut the fuck up about her. ‘Did you see Abs this morning? She had green in her hair today.’ ‘Abs was wearing a plaid skirt and knee-high combat boots today, bro. How am I going to get through History of the Ferngill Republic with her dressed like that?’ He was relentless.”

“Fifteen!?” Abigail screeched, finally finding her voice.

Sebastian rubbed his ear. “A little louder next time, Abs. I don’t think they heard you in the Gotoro Empire.”

She punched him in the arm. “You’ve had me questioning everything for the last four years?”

“Technically it’s been six, but semantics,” Sam added, turning one of the pegs on his guitar.

“What about you?” Sebastian demanded. “How long have you had a crush on me?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s not your turn. We’re talking about you.”

“Is anyone going to bring up the fact that he said he would accept a bouquet from her?” Sterling asked in my ear.

“Probably not. This is absolutely not what I was expecting when I asked those questions, but this is so much better than I could have hoped for.”

“Actually, Samantha asked me a question so now it is my turn. So spill it. How long have you had a crush on me?”

“You’re forgetting one important thing. I haven’t chosen truth.”

“Fine, brat. Abigail, truth or dare?”

Oh ho…now things are getting spicy…

“I choose neither and refuse to answer,” Abigail pouted, looking away.

“Fine, it’s still my turn then.” He turned to me. “Samantha, truth or dare?”

Oh shit. Why me?

I sighed. “I don’t think I have another dare in me tonight. Truth. And before you ask your question, the answer is 9. She’s had a crush on you since she was nine years old.”

“Traitor,” Abby hissed, her eyes narrowing in a glare.

“Oh please, Abigail. It’s the worst-kept secret since Marnie and Lewis. I am almost positive Morris knows you’ve had a lady boner for Sebastian since you were knee-high to a slime,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“I’m going to put a stink bug under all your pillows,” Abby promised.

“Hey now, I had nothing to do with this,” Sterling protested.

“Fine, you’re spared. Can we move on, please? Before I die of embarrassment.”

“Yes, your majesty. Sam Number One, truth or dare?”

“I was wondering when you would get to me. I don’t think we can take much more truth. Let’s go dare.”

“Well, crap. I wasn’t expecting you to pick dare. Let me think for a second.”

“Get him to talk about Penny,” Sterling whispered, his lips brushing my ear.

“He said dare, though.”

“Dare him to talk about Penny. Trust me.”

“Okay, Sam. I dare you to tell me how you feel about Pelican Town’s favorite teacher.”

Sam groaned and rolled his eyes. “Clever girl,” he said shaking his head. “Sterling, you’re dead to me, bro. I know this is your doing. But, fine. I’ll take your challenge.”

He launched into what felt like a 45-minute info dump on Penny’s most endearing qualities. The way his face softened, and his eyes lit up as he went on and on about how amazing she was made me think that Aideen had her work cut out for her. The sales of bouquets were about to skyrocket.

“Told you Sam was hot for teacher,” Sterling murmured, his voice laced with humor.

I gave him a gentle nudge in the ribs. “Stop it you. You’re meta-gaming.”

Sam sighed. “I just don’t know how she feels about me. She’s older than me, right? Maybe she doesn’t like younger guys.”

“I dunno, bro. Some girls are just worth the risk,” Sterling said, giving me a squeeze.

My cheeks grew warm. “You smooth talker.”

“All right, all right. I’ll figure out what I’m doing or not doing as far as Penny is concerned later. Enough mushy shit. Hey birthday boy, truth or dare?” Sam asked.

“Oh. Um. Dare?”

Sam grinned. “I think it’s time we introduced you to the custom rule we came up with a few years ago. The Long Term Dare.”

I lifted my right brow questioningly. “The what now?”

“It’s a thing that Sam and I came up with to try and get Sebby to quit smoking. It didn’t work, but we still kept the rule,” Abby said.

“Okay, so how does it work?” Sterling asked.

“Simple. I give you the terms of the dare and how long you have to complete it. If you fail, you have to either pay me 50 gold or kiss one of Marnie’s pigs,” Sam supplied.

“Sounds easy enough. Hit me.”

“Oh, and if you veto, payment comes due immediately.”

“Wait. What? How is that fair?” I demanded.

“The Long Term Dare is supposed to be for your own good. So if you veto it, your punishment comes due. It’s that simple.”

“It’s all good, Rosebud. I have a feeling I know where this is going. What are your terms?”

“Sterling Cooper, on this 15^th Day of Summer in the Year of our Lord Yoba 2023, I dare you to get sober and stay sober for a period of three years. If you fail at this task, you will be forced to either pay the darer, that’s me, a sum of 50 gold. If you cannot afford the 50 gold, you will be forced to kiss one of Marnie’s pigs. Do you accept?”

My heart swelled as Sam laid out the terms of the dare. We had only been hanging out as a group for a few days and it was clear that these three really cared about him and wanted him to be healthy. And not just for my sake, for his own. I had to blink several times to keep the tears at bay. If anyone asked, I’d blame the smoke from the bonfire.

Sterling was quiet for a few minutes, his brow furrowed in thought. I really hoped he wasn’t upset that everyone seemed to be focused on his sobriety. I hoped he understood that we all just wanted him to be happy and healthy.

“I accept. Someone put it in their calendar on their phone. My hands are full,” he said, grinning.

“Already on it,” Sam said, pulling his phone out of his front pocket. “Okay, added. Your turn, my dude.”

His arms tightened around me as he brought his lips close to my ear. “Your choice, Rosebud. Should I be nice, or should I be mean?”

My heart quickened at the feel of his whisper against my skin. It took me a few seconds to get my breath under control enough to whisper back, “What did you have in mind?”

“Naughty or nice?” he answered.

“Hey, now! No conspiring!” Abby complained.

Before I could stop myself, a soft whisper of “Naughty” escaped my lips.

I could feel his grin against my ear. Goosebumps pebbled my skin as my whole body shivered. This night was going to be the death of me. Most of it was completely my fault, I admit, but dear Yoba, what a way to go.

“Hey, Abby? Truth or dare?” Sterling asked, his voice rumbling along my side.

Abby tore her gaze away from staring at Sebastian’s profile. “Me? Oh. Um. Dare?”

“I dare you to…kiss Sebastian.”

All the blood drained from Abigail’s face as her jaw dropped to her chest and her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. “You want me to…what?”

“It seems only fair, right? I dare you to kiss Sebastian. On the lips. For longer than just a peck.”  He paused. “Oh, hey, Sebastian. I should have asked…you good with this? I can change it if you’re not.”

Sebastian turned his gaze toward Abby, a shy smile on his lips. “I’m okay with it if you are.”

Abby snapped her mouth closed, narrowed her gaze, and crossed her arms over her chest. “I am going to, respectfully, use one of my vetos,” she said, her voice full of steel.

“Oh yeah? Well, I veto your veto!” Sebastian countered, coming to his feet.

“You can’t do that!” she cried, looking over to Sam. “Can he?”

“What are you asking me for? I’m not the one in charge of the rules.”

“The whole veto thing was your idea!”

“Yeah, sure, okay, but I’m not the rules lawyer. That’s Sebastian.”

“Of course I can veto your veto. Because I just did,” Sebastian replied with a smirk.

“Well, then I veto your veto of my veto!”

“I know this is supposed to be my birthday party, but damn. This is fantastic. Can’t get shit this good on TV,” Sterling said quietly.

“I know, right? You are an evil genius.”

“I try.”

Sebastian was now standing over Abigail, his arms crossed over his chest. “Okay, I see your veto and I raise you another veto. And I’ll remind you that you are now out of vetos. Either you kiss me or you jump in the lake. Your choice.”

Abby looked away, her lower lip quivering. Guilt flooded through me. “I think we took this too far,” I muttered, moving to stand.

Sterling tightened his arms around me. “Wait. Give her a second.”

Sebastian squatted down in front of Abigail and rested his hands on her knees. “Abs, what’s wrong? Don’t you want to kiss me?”

She nodded and muttered something under her breath that none of us could hear.

“What was that?”

“I’ve never kissed a boy before!” she cried, covering her face with her hands.

Sam opened his mouth, and I snapped my fingers in his direction. “Don’t say it.”

“I never get to have any fun,” he pouted.

Sebastian gently pried Abby’s hands away from her face. “Do you want to do this? Say the word and I will throw Sterling in the lake.”

I giggled. Sterling was 6’2” and outweighed Sebastian by about 75 pounds. The idea of Sebastian picking up Sterling and carrying him anywhere was ridiculous.

“I heard that giggle,” Sam said, plucking a few notes on his guitar. “Sebastian can lift a 1300cc engine all on his own. Under all those oversized hoodies and baggie jeans, dude’s got muscle.”

There was a touch of…longing…in Sam’s voice. Nothing intense, like an unrequited crush or anything close to that. Maybe it was just appreciation. Or maybe I was reading too much into things.

“I want to. I just…don’t know how.”

Sebastian straightened and pulled Abby to her feet. He lifted her chin with two fingers. “Last chance, Abs. If you don’t want this, walk away right now. No harm no foul.”

“I’m not…I’m not sure what to do.”

He cupped her cheek. “Just do what I do.”

Their kiss would go down in the history books as one of the most intense, amazing kisses ever witnessed. Sebastian was gentle and coaxing, leading Abigail and showing her what she had been missing. She clung to his hoodie like a lifeline, her knees barely holding her up.

They parted a few minutes later, their foreheads resting against each other, their breathing coming in short pants. His fingers were still threaded in her hair and I’m fairly certain it would take The Jaws of Life to pry her hands off his hoodie.

“You two good? Seb, you need a smoke after that? We can take a break if you need it.”

“We’re good. Just give us a minute. Right?”

Abby nodded. “Yeah…” she sighed.

Once they had caught their breath, Sebastian took her hand and sat down on the log closest to them, pulling her down next to him.

“I’ll stop by your dad’s shop in the morning. Do this right.”

“Okay.” Abby was still breathless, her eyes wide and unseeing.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. We continued the game but kept things pretty light and casual…no more earth-shattering truths or crazy dares. I got to see Sterling’s abysmal dance moves and got to hear Sebastian and Sam harmonize on their new song. We laughed at each other’s antics. It warmed my heart to no end to see Sterling so relaxed. But more importantly, accepted.

“Okay, this will have to be the last one. Dad extended my curfew by an hour since I don’t have class tomorrow, but it’s getting close,” Abby said as Sterling took his seat.

Sebastian had dared him to show off his tattoos with or without explanation. He didn’t feel comfortable showing off the hummingbird on his hip, but he told the story of the butterfly on the back of his arm.

“Before I ask the last question of the night, I just wanted to thank you guys for tonight. This has been the best birthday I’ve ever had. I didn’t think…” he sighed. “When I moved here a few months ago, I never thought I’d make friends. Not like I had in the city.”

My spine stiffened at the mention of his piece-of-shit “friends” from ZuZu City.

“Relax, Rosebud. Let me finish. Before the drugs and the alcohol, we would hang out like this and just…vibe. We’d talk, we’d laugh, we’d share. I didn’t think I’d ever find that again. So, thank you for being awesome.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, before I start tearing up: Rosebud, truth or dare?”

Aw, hell. Somehow, with the dozens of questions, I had managed to avoid being asked anything by Sterling. I sighed. If I chose dare he could try to get another kiss, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted Sterling prying another truth out of me.

“Oh, let’s go truth. I’m too tired for another dare,” I said finally.

“Before you saw my handsome face…was there anyone else in this Valley that caught your eye?”

Okay, that was unexpected. Why would he want to know that?

“Oooh. That’s a good one!” Abby said, clapping her hands. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Oh, all right. There were two people that caught my eye when I first moved here. The first…was Abby.”

“Me? Seriously?”

My cheeks grew warm. “Well, yeah. You’re adorable. But after only talking to you for about 20 minutes I could tell you were completely over the moon with someone else, so I turned my gaze elsewhere.”

“Wait. Hang on. Are we friends because you thought you could date me?”

“Yoba, no! You are thinking too hard about this. I thought you were cute, figured out I had zero chance, but I still wanted to be your friend because you’re awesome. That’s it.”

“Oh. Well, okay then. Who sparked your interest after me?”

My eyes flicked to Sebastian for a brief second before I answered. “Sebastian. But only until I found out he was the one who hung your moon. After that, I gave up on finding anyone here and decided I would just be the crazy cat lady living on the edge of town. Which was fine by me...I didn't really come here to find love. I came here to work my ass off and forget all the shit that happened in the city.”

“Until you walked into Pierre’s and saw me, right?” Sterling teased.

I gave him a light nudge in his side with a small laugh. “Yes, yes. Until I walked into Pierre’s and saw this giant dork leaning up against a bin of apples, giving this little old lady an absolutely brilliant smile as he offered to deliver her groceries so she didn’t have to carry those heavy bags back to her house.”

“That’s why Granny Evelyn calls in her grocery order every week? Sterling, that’s so sweet!”

It was Sterling’s turn to blush. “Well, Alex should be the one doing the grocery shopping, but that’s a completely different bag of cats. I just couldn’t stand watching her put stuff back because her bags were too heavy. Every Tuesday, she calls the shop, tells Pierre what she needs, and I bring it to her when I get off work. Her house was on the way to The Stardrop, so it was easy. But, the good news is, she’s also on the way back home.”

He really was just a giant marshmallow. Yoba, my heart can’t much more of this…

Sebastian and Abby disappeared into the darkness to say a proper goodbye as Sterling, Sam, and I took care of moving the logs out of the walking path and taking care of the fire. They returned a few minutes later, their hair mussed up. Abby’s eyes were wide, and her lips were bee-stung. I caught her gaze and winked. She smiled and rested her head on Sebastian’s shoulder.

He kissed the top of her head and gave her a light squeeze. “Go on home, sunshine. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Abby gave us all hugs before taking Sam’s hand and disappearing into the darkness as they headed home.

“Hey, Sebastian, I hope I didn’t screw things up with that dare, earlier, man,” Sterling said once the light from Sam’s flashlight faded.

“Nah, man. I’ve been wanting to do that for years. All you did was accelerate my timeline a little bit. It’s all good. I’m gonna head home, give you two some privacy. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” He clapped Sterling on the shoulder as he walked by. “I totally would have dumped your ass in the lake if she wanted me to. You know that right?”

Sterling nodded. “Of that, I have no doubt.”

He fished a pack of cigarettes out of the kangaroo pouch on the front of his hoodie. He sighed as he brought one to his lips. “Fuck, I guess I’m going to have to quit now. I am going to be an asshole for a while.” 

“Like you weren’t before?” I teased. “Hard candy helps, from what I hear. And drinking through a straw. It’s what helped my mom when she quit.”

“Thanks. I’ll remember that. G’night, guys. This was fun.”

And then it was just the two of us. We stood awkwardly in silence, not really sure what to say.

“Rosebud, I can’t thank you enough for tonight. Coming to my birthday dinner, bringing me to hang out with your friends…I legit can’t think of a better birthday.”

“Our friends, Sterling. Remember that. They care about you, too. But, you’re welcome. I’m glad you had a good time. And that you have something to look forward to in 30 days.”

He groaned. “Woman, if kisses like that are what’s waiting for me on the other side of this…shit. If the withdrawals don’t kill me, your lips just might. I thought that kiss after the beach was amazing…but tonight? Fuck, you’re lucky we had an audience.”

“You weren’t so bad yourself, handsome. You’d better get that yellow chip, Sterling Cooper. If I have to go a nanosecond beyond 30 days, I might just die.”

He pulled me into his arms, his hands rubbing up and down my spine. “Well, we can’t have that,” he said, his voice low and heavy. He leaned down, our lips just centimeters apart. I lowered my head so his kiss landed on my forehead.

“It’s after midnight, Sterling. The clock started.”

“Dammit. A day late and a dollar short. Story of my life. Come on, beautiful. Let’s head back to your place.”

I stepped out of his arms and shook my head. “Go home, Sterling. You haven’t slept in your own bed in days. Spend some time with your family. Unpack some boxes. We can hang out later.”

“But—”

“But nothing. I love having you around, but you can’t keep sleeping on my crappy couch. Besides, you don’t have your work uniform with you. You’d have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to make it to East Scarp before work then backtrack to the store. You’re going to need all the sleep you can get these next few weeks.”

“You’re right. I hate it, but you’re right. Are you going to be okay getting home by yourself?”

I shook my phone and the flashlight came on. “Totally.”

“All right, fine. Text me when you get home?”

“Have I ever not? You do the same, okay? You have the longer walk.”

“You got it. Good night, Rosebud.”

“Good night, Sterling.”

My thoughts were a jumbled mess. Things between us were moving so damn fast, but this 30-day pause would give us both a chance to breathe. I jumped in with both feet with Amber. This would give Sterling a chance to figure his shit out and give me a chance to pump the breaks and take things at a much slower pace. I didn’t want to fuck this up. He meant too much to me.

Once I was safe inside my cabin and I made sure Molly had food and water, I sent Sterling a text to let him know I’d made it home. He didn’t reply right away, but that made sense. He was probably still walking home.

I got ready for bed and set the alarm for 6am. I wouldn’t be getting much sleep, but I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

Just as I was about to set my phone down, Sterling’s text arrived.

Marshmallow: Made it home a bit ago, but my phone died. It finally got a charge. Good night, beautiful. Sleep well, dream better.

I sent a red heart emoji as a reply and fell asleep with a smile on my face for the first time in a long time.

Chapter Text

Marshmallow: Rosebud, can we talk?

I stared at my phone, a deep frown on my face. It had been two weeks since Sterling’s birthday celebration. Two weeks of canceled plans, monosyllabic texts, and unanswered phone calls. Two weeks of having Abigail deliver my groceries. Not because I was avoiding seeing him in person. Absolutely not. I’ve just been busy on the farm.

A week after the bonfire, Gus had stopped by the farm with a gift. He gave me the plans for building a keg. The wine made from my blueberries flew off the shelves at his friend’s winery, so he came up with a new business opportunity: I’d make the wine here on the farm and sell it to Gus at wholesale. He’d serve it at the Stardrop and take care of taking orders if people wanted to buy their own bottle.

Robin had to teach me how to read them but once I got the hang of it, I was able to make enough to get a small distillery going. I had no idea how to make wine going into it. I knew the basics…fruit juice, sugar, and yeast go into a thing and after some time passes, you had wine. I watched a bunch of how-to videos online and read so many blogs. I filled two notebooks with notes and ideas.

Turns out, in Stardew Valley, none of that mattered. It was literally just dumping stuff in the keg and about 6 days later, I had a bottle of wine. I asked Gus about it when I made my first delivery.

“It’s the magic of the Valley. Your crops grow faster and your artisan goods, like wine and cheese, will be ready sooner. It’s all the stardust in the soil.”

It made sense, in a way, but it was unsettling sometimes.

Between the crops that kept popping off and the new distillery, I was swamped from sunup until way past sundown. That didn’t mean I didn’t want to spend some time with Sterling. Or even just talk to him. He, apparently, had other ideas.

According to Abby, he was a mess at work: snapping at Pierre and the customers, taking extended breaks, and falling asleep on his feet. I didn’t know how to interpret that. I had gone over that night in my mind over and over and I could not figure out where things went pear-shaped. Had I gone too far with the kiss? Had I teased him too far?

Me: Yeah, sure. Our spot? 7ish?

Marshmallow: K.  Can you grab dinner?

Me: Pizza or burgers?

Marshmallow: You pick. I’m too tired to plan right now.

Me: You okay?

Those three dots that kept flashing as he typed, deleted, and retyped his answer over and over made my heart hurt. That should have been an easy question. What had I done?

Marshmallow: No, but I think I will be. See ya soon, hot stuff.

I could feel my cheeks turning pink at the pet name.

At least that hasn’t changed…

I spent the rest of the day going through the motions of working on the farm, my mind focused on Sterling and what he might want to talk about. No conversation that started with “can we talk” ever ended well. I was excited to see him again, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was going to end up getting my heart broken tonight.

I tried. I tried so damn hard to not fall for that giant golden retriever. Clearly, I wasn’t very good at keeping my feelings out of things. Sterling wasn’t Amber. He wasn’t a manipulative narcissist who cared more about his image than anything else. I couldn’t keep comparing the two and shuttering my heart because of fear of getting it broken. Amber shattered me, but somehow Sterling put the pieces back together.

I glanced at my watch. It was almost 5pm. Pierre’s would be closing soon. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and sent a quick text to Abby.

Me: Hey, I know you’re closing down soon. Do you think you could stay open for a little bit longer? There’s something I want to grab before I head to the train station.


Abby: OMY!! Are you buying what I think you’re buying?

Me: Probably. ;)

Abby: Dad won’t let me keep the store open. He’s being a total jerk. Screw him. I’ll buy the stupid thing and meet you outside.

Me: Don’t let Sterling see. I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

Abby: He’s not here. He and Dad got into a huge fight and Dad sent him home around lunchtime. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but Dad’s pretty pissed.

I sighed. That wasn’t a good sign. I wasn’t sure what would happen if Sterling lost his job. Sometimes it felt like going into Pierre’s every day was all that kept him going.

Me: I’ll find out tonight. Maybe the bouquet will help?

Abby: I sure hope so. I can put up with a lot…I’m dating Sebastian after all…but he’s testing *my* patience.

Me: I’m going to shower and change. I’ll text you when I’m headed your way.

Abby: KK. See you then.

 The Stardrop Saloon wasn’t terribly crowded when I walked in. Shane and Pam were in their usual spots and Mayor Lewis was nursing a mug of beer at a table near the front door. Leah, Elliott, and Marnie would be showing up soon and Willie and Clint wouldn’t be too far behind.

The usual Thursday night crowd…

“Samantha!” Gus cried as I approached the bar. “Long time no see, my friend. What brings you in tonight? A slice of pizza and a beer? Or maybe some of my famous spaghetti and meatballs?”

I shook my head with a smile. “Not tonight, Gus. Can I get a supreme pizza with no black olives to go? I’ll take a six-pack of whatever soda you have cold. Unless it’s Joja Cola.”

Gus nodded. “You got it. I think I’ve got some Mountain Breeze if that works for you?”

“Sounds good.”

“I’ll head into the kitchen and get that pizza started. You want a beer or something while you wait?”

“I’ll pass on the beer, thanks. Wouldn’t say no to a glass of melon juice if you’ve still got a bottle.”

“Kept a bottle just for you. I got some lemonade from one of the orchards up in Grampleton. Tastes amazing with a shot of the melon juice. Want to try it?”

“Yeah, sure. That sounds awesome.

He turned to the refrigerator behind the bar and pulled out two bottles. He produced a footed highball glass and filled it almost all the way with lemonade and finished it off with melon juice. “Here ya go! With the drink, the pizza, and the soda that’ll be 35 gold.”

I fished the coins out of my backpack. “Thanks, Gus. You’re the best.”

As Gus made his way into the kitchen I hopped up onto a stool to wait for my food. I took a sip of my drink and smiled. He was right. The melon paired perfectly with the tart lemonade. It was exactly what I needed. The nights provided little relief from the blazing summer heat and the walk from my farm felt longer than usual.

“Hey.”

My spine stiffened at the gruff voice coming from my right. I was really hoping that Shane would ignore me like he usually did when I came in here. I was in a really great mood, and I didn’t want this asshole bringing me down.

“Hey, I’m talking to you.”

I didn’t even turn to face him. “I’m aware. I’m just not sure why.”

“You don’t have to be such a bitch. I just want to ask you a question.”

I inhaled sharply and wrapped my hands around my glass tightly. “I’m going to let that slide just this once. What do you want?”

“What did you do to Sterling?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play stupid. He hasn’t been in here for two weeks. I know that’s your fault. So, what did you do?”

I fought to keep the smile off my lips. He was actually doing it. He was staying away from alcohol. My heart felt like it was going to burst. I knew that it wasn’t just my influence…Abby, Sam, and Sebastian played a big part, not to mention Henry and Mia. It didn’t change the fact that he was making a real change.

“I didn’t do anything. He’s a grown-ass adult capable of making his own choices.” I took a long drink and spun the ice in my glass. “If you’re so concerned, you could have texted or called. Hell, you could have gone to Pierre’s or went by the house.”

Shane scoffed. “Whatever. I don’t know what he sees in you.”

I shrugged. “I could say the same thing about you.”

“I’m the only person in this Yoba-forsaken town who understands him. You’re just a piece of tail. He’ll get bored with you eventually.”

“Aw, Shane. Do you have a crush on Sterling? That’s so cute.”

“Listen here, you fucking cun—”

The sound of chairs scraping along the floor cut him off. The rest of the regulars had wandered in while Shane and I had been talking. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Clint, Willie, and even Eliott on their feet, anger etched on each of their faces.

Clint cracked his knuckles. “Finish that sentence, Shane. I dare you.”

“Fuck this,” Shane snapped. He drained his beer and slammed the bottle on the bar next to me.

“No thanks, Shane. You stink of sweat, beer, and chicken shit. That completely kills the mood.”

I knew I’d crossed a line. He took a step toward me but stopped when Clint cleared his throat. I still hadn’t turned toward Shane, so I had no idea what his face looked like. I could feel the rage pouring off of him, though. Anxiety swirled in my gut and I kept my fingers wrapped around my glass to hide their trembling.

I could probably take him. I’ve got more muscle than I did when I started here. All those hours in the mines and doing all those farm chores, I might be able to lay him out. But not before he got a hit or two in. Yoba only knows what Sterling would do…not to mention the other men in town.

“Shane, I think it’s time you headed home,” Mayor Lewis said, his voice cold. “Your aunt will be here soon, and I don’t think you’d want her to see you get in trouble.”

I didn’t breathe until I heard the door of the saloon slam shut. My eyes burned as tears welled up. That was way too intense. I’d have to be a lot more careful around that asshole.

“Are you all right?” Clint asked, placing a large hand on my shoulder.

I chuckled darkly and took a long drink. “Yeah, sure. Just peachy.”

“Want me to follow him? If he passes out in his aunt’s pig pen, well, that would be a tragic accident.”

I patted Clint’s hand and turned to him with a smile. “I’m fine, Clint. Really. It’s been a weird couple of weeks and his bullshit was just the icing on a really crappy cake.”

He squeezed my shoulder gently and gave me a half smile. “Never liked that kid. Only reason I haven’t knocked his ass out is Marnie.”

“Same. Thanks for the backup.”

“Any time, farmer. Any time.”

Gus came out of the kitchen carrying a pizza box in one hand and my six-pack of soda in the other. He took in the scene in his bar and frowned. “What’s going on here?”

“Shane just being Shane, Gus. No big deal,” Clint replied, heading back to his seat.

I reached into my backpack and fished out a few more gold coins as Gus set my purchases on the bar.

“You already paid, hon,” Gus reminded me as I handed him the money.

“The next two rounds for those four gentlemen are on me. If that’s not enough, put it on my tab and I settle up tomorrow.”

I grabbed my pizza and soda and headed for the door. It was getting close to 7pm and I didn’t want Sterling to think I had stood him up.

“Ye headed home, lass?” Willie asked as I passed the table he was sharing with Clint.

“I’m meeting Sterling up at the train station. Why?”

“Do ye want one of us to walk with ye? That snake is a coward, but even a viper will strike when it’s riled up.”

My cheeks turned pink. It was a strange feeling having all these people looking out for me, concerned for my well-being. My parents loved me in their own way, but the townspeople of Pelican Town were practically strangers. Yet they came to my defense and wanted to make sure I got to my destination in one piece.

“Thank you, Willie, but I’ll be all right. That jackass isn’t going to do anything. Not tonight, anyway.”

“If ye insist. Have a good’un. And thanks for the drinks.”

Sterling wasn’t at the train station when I arrived. I got situated on my favorite bench and sent him a text to let him know I had arrived.

Marshmallow: Almost there, hot stuff. I took a nap and woke up late. I just passed the Community Center.

Me: Take your time.

I didn’t mean it. I wanted him to get here right now. Between the confrontation with Shane and the “we need to talk” text, I was a total mess. My stomach churned and I wasn’t sure I could eat one single bite of the pizza I brought. I should have taken a shot of something before I left the saloon, but that felt hypocritical. I was trying to show Sterling that alcohol wasn’t the answer to all of life’s problems.

Hell, maybe I need a chip…

The night sounds that I normally found so soothing were doing nothing for my frayed nerves. The whine of the cicadas and the chirping of the crickets were like nails on a chalkboard. My left leg bounced, and I ran my hands up and down my arms.

Every scenario my brain cooked up was worse than the last. Shane had said Sterling hadn’t been to The Stardop in the two weeks since his birthday, so I doubted he was going to tell me he’d fallen off the wagon. His behavior and attitude at work also indicated he was going through withdrawals. That only left me. I had a feeling that kiss on his birthday had taken things way too far. He was probably on his way to tell me that I was way too much and he just wanted to be friends.

The thing is, I didn’t think I could just be friends with him. Not anymore. He had wormed his way into my heart in a way that I hadn’t expected. As much as I hated to admit it, Sterling was the glue keeping my shattered heart together. I swore I would never let another person in like that. When I’d first arrived here I had sworn off of love for good. Yeah, I’d thought Abby was cute and Sebastian made my heart flutter, but I’d shut that down super quick. Beyond the fact that they were meant for each other, I didn’t want to get involved with anyone ever again.

Sterling changed all that. I could see a future with that marshmallow. I could see us growing old together, working on the farm, going into the mines, and watching the families in Pelican Town grow and flourish. And yet…

“Hey, Rosebud.”

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice. I let out a little squeak and placed my hand over my racing heart. “How do you do that!?” I asked once I had calmed down.

He shrugged. “Talent, I guess.”

“I swear to Yoba, you’re going to make my heart explode.”

He came further into the light, and I had to gasp. His face was gaunt, his skin so pale the dark circles under his eyes looked more like bruises. His normally shiny auburn hair was dull and lifeless. I could see his hands trembling even from this distance.

“Sterling,” I whispered, my voice trembling.

“I’m okay, Rosebud. Well, not okay, but I’ll get there. Can I…can I have a hug?”

I crossed the space between us in only a few steps and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him close to me. His trembling arms embraced me and he buried his face in my neck. We stood there, holding each other, for several long minutes. His arms just felt right wrapped around me. I knew he wanted to talk but I would be happy to just stand here all night.

“Sweet Yoba, I needed this,” Sterling said softly.

“I know. Me too. I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He gave me a tight squeeze before stepping out of my arms. “C’mon. Let’s eat. I threw up my lunch, so I am starving.”

“You…are you sure you want pizza after that?”

He gave a half smile. “Pizza’s about the only thing that sounds good right now. I’m fine, Rosebud. This is part of it, and I was expecting it.”

He took my hand and led me back to the train station. The small moan he let out on his first bite had my heart racing for a completely different reason. I was still too anxious to eat, so I nibbled on a small piece and just enjoyed being in his presence.

I’d heard withdrawals from alcohol were awful, but I’d never seen it in person. He seemed to be a little better now that he had eaten, but he still looked rough. It had been two weeks. Shouldn’t it be out of his system by now?

“You can stop staring, Rosebud. I’m not going to die. I may feel like death warmed over, but this isn’t going to kill me. The first 72 hours were the worst. I spent most of that in Harvey’s clinic. Believe it or not, I’m on the mend. I figure by the time your birthday rolls around I’ll be back to my old self.”

I blushed and turned away. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to stare.”

He chuckled, but there was no humor in his laughter. “Normally, I’d appreciate that you can’t take your eyes off me, but I’ve had it up to here,” he raised his hand well above his head, “with people staring at me like I’m going to just keel over. I’ve detoxed before, hot stuff. I know how this goes.”

I winced at his tone. I knew that it was just the withdrawals talking, but it still stung.

“I’m sorry, Rosebud. I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just so fucking tired.”

I reached across the pizza box between us and took his hand. “If you’re tired, Sterling, we can do this another night.”

He shook his head. “No, if I don’t get this out now, I never will. And that’s not fair to you.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound ominous at all…” I replied with a nervous chuckle.

“It’s…” he trailed off with a sigh. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that kiss on my birthday and what it meant.”

What little pizza I had consumed hardened in a ball of lead in my stomach.

Let him finish. You always expect the worst.

“The thing is, that kiss meant the world to me. You made me realize that there’s more to life than working and getting drunk. I want out of my tub of dog shit, Rosebud, so I can spend my life with you.”

I raised my right brow in question. “Sterling, what—”

“I’m not ready to go looking for the ghost of the old mariner, hot stuff. Not yet anyway. But until a few weeks ago, I was just existing and cosplaying at getting better. You know how I told you that shot with my uncle was my first drink in four days? That was a lie. I’d taken a shot or two every single day.”

Somehow, that wasn’t surprising. If I was honest, I kind of suspected he wasn’t being completely honest with me. He’d had some shakes and he’d looked a little worse for wear, but nothing like right now. What was surprising was the fact that I wasn’t mad.

I should be furious. I should be yelling at him, throwing things, maybe even slapping his stupid, perfect face. But I wasn’t. He had more to say so I just gave his fingers a gentle squeeze and waited for him to continue.

“I know I shouldn’t have lied to you, but in my head, taking a shot or two to keep the shakes at bay was like a couple of aspirin for a headache. But then you came to my birthday dinner and issued that challenge…no kisses until I’d made 30 days sober. I realized I wasn’t just lying to you…I was lying to myself.  Alcohol had been a part of my daily life for so long that I still wasn’t sure if I could do it.

“But then you kissed me at the bonfire and in that moment I knew I could do anything with you by my side.” He smiled at me, looking like his old self for the first time since he showed up here. “I hope you’re not too mad at me.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay. This is a marathon, not a sprint. It would be stupid of me to expect perfection. I’ve been unfair to you, looking at this whole thing as black and white. There are so many shades of grey and you are doing your absolute best. I see that now and I am so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Rosebud. That means a lot.”

We sat in silence for a while. The anxiety I’d been feeling had eased, but I couldn’t help but feel like there was something else weighing on his mind. I wasn’t going to push him. He’d talk to me when he was ready.

“You’re really not mad?” he asked.

“I’m annoyed, but I’m not mad. Based on how you’ve been acting at work and how miserable you look, you’re taking your recovery seriously now. All I ask is that you don’t lie to me anymore. Amber lied to me for our entire relationship, and I refuse to be with someone who pulls that shit. I get that you didn’t want to upset me, but little white lies grow into bigger lies, and the next thing you know you are juggling chainsaws to keep the lies going. Just be honest with me, Sterling.”

“I can do that.” He gave me another small smile. “In the spirit of honesty…there’s something else I want to talk to you about.”

“I figured. What’s on your mind?”

“I told you about my friends in ZuZu City and all the fucked up shit we got up to. But I never told you about Kai.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. I ran my thumb across his knuckles, hoping to reassure him. I’d word-vomited all over him about my past. The least I could do was give him the same chance.

“He was…Kai was my first love. We met in college and the attraction was instant. We started dating not long after he joined our little group, and it was amazing. He was so mellow, but also passionate as fuck. He was a damn wizard when it came to interior design. Especially when he was high.”

Yet another revelation that didn’t really surprise me. I had suspected that Sterling was also a member of the Alphabet Mafia, but he’d never really confirmed it until now. I’d watched him flirt with all the women in town, even Granny Evelyn, but I’d also seen how his eyes would drift to Alex doing push-ups in his grandparents’ front yard or how he’d sigh wistfully when Sam would bend over the pool table in The Stardrop.

“We dated off and on for years. We really loved each other, but we had this terrible habit of breaking up every time we had a fight. Especially after he got tired of all the benders.” He shook his head. “Looking back, I was such a burden on him. He had a clear path for his future. I had no idea what I was doing. I was supposed to break the cycle of farm work. I was supposed to get a degree, find a great job in the city, and leave Stardew Valley and Grampleton in my rearview. Instead, I got mixed up with a bunch of losers who didn’t want to be around me unless I was drunk, high, or both. I didn’t just drop out of college, Rosebud. I flunked out. We stopped going to classes because we were hungover all the time. Neither one of us could hold down a job either.

“Kai got sick of it all and got clean. We broke up when he went into an inpatient program. I called him weak for giving up…among other horrible names. When he got out, he came back to our shitty apartment, and we got back together. We shouldn’t have. He should have run away from me. All I ever did was hurt him.”

Tears were falling down his cheeks. My arms ached with the desire to hold him, but I knew he’d stop talking if I pulled him into a hug. He needed to get this out. I pulled out a bandana from my backpack and handed it to him.

“Our final break up happened not too long before I came here. I went on a four-day bender with my so-called friends and didn’t answer my phone or texts. He filed a missing persons report and checked the hospitals every day. He was convinced that I had died…either from an overdose of pills or alcohol poisoning. When I stumbled home, alive, but reeking of booze and sweat, he lost his shit. He told me he couldn’t watch me self-destruct and left.”

Yikes. I couldn’t tell if Kai was a masochist or a saint. Maybe both. I could understand his point of view though. I was in that same spot, but the difference was this time, Sterling was trying to get better. From the sounds of things, back then, he didn’t see a problem with his behavior. Now, though, he was ready to make real changes.

“After he left, I went to a very dark place. I kept destroying the one good thing I had in my life…my relationship with Kai. When we were together, we were happy. Until we weren’t. And then we were like fire and gasoline. We brought out the worst in each other. He was the sweetest, most caring guy I’d ever known, and I fucked it all up. I was worthless trash, and I didn’t deserve to live.”

A small sob escaped my lips. The things he went through…it was hard to believe he could go through all of that and still be the adorable, kindhearted goofball who stole my heart. My heart ached for him and, for reasons I couldn’t understand, for Kai as well.

“I sat on my couch in my ratty apartment, no food and only one skunky beer in the fridge, and a bottle of pills. I was ready to end it all. It was good that Kai had broken up with me. He’d never know. I’d just be another statistic. But then my phone rang. It was Henry. He wanted to tell me some silly thing that Max had done and rant about how my uncle refused to just replace that old, busted tractor. I hadn’t heard from him in months, and he just happened to call on the worst day of my life?” He shook his head with a humorless laugh. “We talked for hours. Well, Henry talked. I mostly just listened. When we were getting ready to hang up, he could tell that I was saying goodbye for the last time. I don’t even remember what I said but Henry freaked.”

It was hard to imagine steadfast, even-tempered Henry Cooper freaking out, but if anything was going to rattle him, the impending suicide of his cousin would do it. I squeezed his hand tighter, unwilling to let him go.

“He stayed on the phone with me while Mia drove all the way to ZuZu City. They helped me pack my shit, what little I had left, and brought me to their house in East Scarp. Spent the first three days in Harvey’s Clinic, sick as a fucking dog, wishing Henry had just left me in that apartment. But I got through it. Started going to meetings, and working the program, but I couldn’t stop shaking. The only thing that helped was booze. I started going to The Stardrop Saloon every night after work. That’s where I met Shane. And the rest…the rest you know.”

He reached out with his left hand and wiped tears off of my cheek. I hadn’t even noticed that I had started crying. I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes.

“Don’t cry for me, Rosebud. I’m okay. I’m here.”

He let go of my hand, cupped my other cheek, and leaned forward, pressing our foreheads together. I reached up and gripped his wrists, needing to touch him. We sat like that for several long minutes, our breath and our tears mingling. Even when I was at my lowest point, when things were as dark as they could possibly get, I never once considered ending it all. I couldn’t imagine just how impossibly bleak things must have felt for him to reach that point. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and never let go. I wanted to take my sword and stand beside him, fighting his demons, protecting him, shielding him when he couldn’t fight anymore.

He sat back after a while and wiped his face with my bandana. “Yoba, I think that’s the first time I’ve told that story. I’ve said bits and pieces in meetings, but not the whole thing. Gotta be honest, I’m surprised you’re still here.”

“What? Why?” I asked, wiping my eyes on the sleeves of my shirt.

“It’s a lot to take in. I’m a lot. I thought for sure you’d be halfway to Roseville telling me to forget your number.”

“Do you really think so little of me?” I asked, my voice small.

“What? No! It’s me, Rosebud. I had one good thing in my life back then. Just the one. And I ruined it. I couldn’t change for the man I loved with my whole heart. I thought…” he trailed off, picking at the polish on his left thumb. “I thought you’d hear that story and realize I’m not worth it.”

“You’re an idiot, Sterling Cooper,” I said, anger beginning to swirl in my gut. “But you’re my idiot. Look, you were a shitty boyfriend—”

“Yeah, I was. I take everything that’s good and blow it up.”

I came to my feet. “No, that’s what you did, what you were. A shitty boyfriend doesn’t take me skivvy dipping. A shitty boyfriend doesn’t save up for a motorcycle helmet in my favorite color and take me on a date to one of the most beautiful coves on the Ferngill Coast! A shitty boyfriend doesn’t take hours to explain a stupid game or help me with farm chores. A shitty boyfriend doesn’t put himself through fucking hell on earth just to get a stupid kiss!”

I knelt at his feet and took his hands in mine. “You aren’t that person anymore, Sterling. That guy? That guy you were? He wouldn’t make the choices you’ve made. That guy wouldn’t be sitting here baring his soul and feeling like hot garbage, worried that he ran me off. That guy died the day you got clean off the pills. He doesn’t exist anymore.”

“How’d I get so lucky?” he asked, fresh tears falling from his eyes.

“Sacrificed the right goat to the right god, I guess,” I said with a small smile.

He threw his head back and laughed, the first real laugh I’d heard from him in weeks.

“I adore you, you know that?” he said when the laughter finally subsided.

I squeezed his hands and came to my feet, pulling him up with me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. I breathed in the smell of his cologne and listened to the sound of his heart beating in time with mine. He returned my embrace, running his hands up and down my back.

A low rumble of thunder in the distance interrupted our moment. He tilted his head back and groaned.

“Every single fucking time…”

Stepped back, still keeping my hands on his waist. “My house is closer. Do you maybe want to stay over?”

He sighed. “As much as I would love to, I better not. Mornings are the worst, and I really don’t want you to see me like that, Rosebud. Raincheck?”

I nodded, trying to keep the disappointment off my face.

“Don’t look at me like that. I am a weak, weak man.”

“Sorry. I just really miss waking up with you in the house. That tiny cabin feels so damn empty when you aren’t there.”

Heat crept into his gorgeous blue eyes. “You know, if you expanded your cabin, you’d have room for a bigger bed. Then you could find out what it’s like to wake up next to me.”

It was my turn to laugh. I gave him a gentle poke in his side. “Down, boy. Let’s get you through your withdrawals so you can get that kiss I promised you. And maybe a bouquet before we start talking about sleeping arrangements.”

“Deal, hot stuff,” he replied with a sweet smile.

The thunder rumbled again, a little closer this time. We finally separated and cleaned up the leftovers from our dinner. I sent him home with the pizza again seeing as how it was the only thing he’d been able to keep down. We walked hand in hand down the mountain pass to the clearing behind Robin’s house. He promised to text more, and he’d try to come over if he wasn’t utterly exhausted after work.

“Speaking of, you have got to stop being such an ass at work. I know you feel like dog shit, my heart, but you’re going to get fired if you keep snapping at your boss and his customers.”

His cheeks turned pink at my new nickname. “I’ll try, but Pierre is such a dick, sometimes. He doesn’t understand what I’m going through.”

“Have you explained to him what’s going on?”

“No,” he said sheepishly.

“Maybe you should? He can’t understand what he doesn’t know, dork.”

“Yeah, okay. What would I do without you?”

I brought his hand to my lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of his hand. “Pray you never find out. Text me when you get home?”

“Always. Good night, hot stuff. Sleep well.”

“Good night, my heart.”

I watched him disappear down the trail that led back down into town, worrying my lower lip with my teeth. He’d come so far, but he had such a long way to go. It warmed my heart to know he trusted me enough to tell me his secrets. We both had issues to work through and our relationship was going to be anything but smooth sailing, but it was absolutely going to be worth it.

Chapter Text

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that everything hurt. The second thing I noticed was the smell. Iodine, rubbing alcohol, and the astringent scent of a cleaning solution assaulted my nose, causing me to sneeze. I groaned as my head felt like it was being split in two.

“Oh! Rosebud! You’re awake!”

I winced as Sterling slammed a cabinet shut. I hadn’t had a headache this bad since that time I got drunk off Jungle Juice at my first college kegger. I felt worse than death.

Death might be preferable at this point… Yoba, what the hell happened to me?

“Sterling? Where am I?” I croaked, my throat dry and scratchy.

“Doc Harvey’s clinic. You got hurt in the mines yesterday. Marlon found you on level 85 passed out and bleeding. He and Linus brought you down off the mountain just as I was getting off work. I’ve been here ever since,” he said, his words coming out so fast I wasn’t sure he took a breath.

I got hurt in the mines? What the hell was he…oh. Shit. It was storming yesterday so I decided to spend some time in the mines. I’d swung by The Adventurer’s Guild to see about upgrading my sword, but even the next best sword was out of my price range. I was saving up to expand my house, so every gold piece was precious. Marlon warned me that going past level 50 with my current blade was inadvisable, and I almost listened to him. Almost.

Just as I was leaving, I overheard Marlon and Gil discussing the Obsidian Blade, a sword rumored to be on level 90 of the mines. I concocted a half-brain plan of just speed-running the mines… smacking rocks until I found the ladder to the next level, ignoring the loot and what monsters I could.

My plan worked for 10 levels. The Shadow Shamans and Lava Bats after level 80 were too much for me. I got hit by a Jinx curse and suddenly everything just hit me harder. I ran out of food on level 81, but I had to make it to 85. That’s where the next stop on the elevator was. If I could make it there and activate the button, I could ride the elevator to the top. I had a chest full of field snacks and a thermos of pumpkin soup near the broken minecart. Either one would give me enough energy to get to Harvey’s clinic.

Clearly, I didn’t make it.

I opened my eyes slowly and turned my head toward his voice. He was sitting on a stool next to my bed, his left leg bouncing, the dark shadows under his standing out against his pale skin. He took my hand and squeezed it, his fingers trembling.

I tried to smile, but I think it was more of a grimace than anything. “I really fucked up, huh?”

“You scared the shit out of me, Rosebud. Don’t do that again. Please. I don’t think my heart can take it,” he said softly, tears welling up in his eyes.

I met his gaze and frowned. His pupils were pinpoints and a fine sheen of sweat had broken out on his forehead despite how frigid it was in the clinic. He couldn’t sit still, either, and his palm in mine felt clammy. I’d Googled the symptoms of alcohol withdrawals to help me understand what he was going through. This didn’t seem to line up with what I read. Could this be…no. Of course not. Even he wouldn’t be that stupid.

“What time is it?” I asked, changing the subject. I didn’t have the energy or the mental capacity to process Sterling’s messes right now. There would be time enough for that later.

Sterling glanced at the clock on the wall. “Just after 9am.”

“What!?” I shouted, my head splitting. “My crops…the chickens…Molly! I don’t know if I left her enough kibble and water. I have to go.”

I tried to sit up, but Sterling pushed me gently back to the bed. “Relax, Rosebud. I called Henry once Doc said you were stable. He and Mia went over last night and checked on your animals. He also went over bright and early this morning to harvest your crops, feed your chickens, and check on your kegs. Since he wasn’t sure what you wanted to sell and what you wanted to keep, he put everything in that purple chest on your front porch. He’s also super impressed with your sprinkler setup. I think he wants to bring you out to his dad’s farm to help him set up something similar.”

I sighed with relief. I owed his cousin big time. I would be more than happy to take a day and help out on their farm.

“You’re awake! Excellent! How are you feeling?” Doc Harvey asked as he stepped into the room.

Sterling jumped like he’d been shot and dropped my hand.

I’ll unpack that later…

“Everything hurts and I have the headache from hell, but I’m alive,” I replied, closing my eyes. The bright lights overhead were making my head throb.

“I’ll get you something for your head once you’ve had a little breakfast. Sterling, do you mind running to The Stardrop for me? Gus is expecting you so the door should be unlocked.”

“Yeah, sure.” He patted my hand with a sweet smile. “I’ll be right back, Rosebud. Don’t die while I’m gone.”

“I make no promises.”

Harvey waited until we were alone before approaching my bed. “That boy never left your side,” he said with a gentle smile. “I don’t think he’s even slept.”

“Given what he’s going through, is that healthy?” I asked as Harvey checked my pulse.

“Well, no. I’m going to make sure Pierre gives him the day off so he can get some sleep. But it’s still rather sweet.” He took out a penlight and shined it in my eyes and moved it quickly away. “Pupils look good. Your pulse is steady. Besides the headache, anything else bothering you?”

“I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus, and it kinda hurts to take a deep breath. Sterling told me a little of what happened. Can you fill in the blanks for me?”

“I can’t say for sure, but Marlon suspects it was Shadow Brutes. You had a few broken ribs and some internal bleeding. It was touch and go for a while.”

Broken ribs explained why it hurt to breathe and blood loss would explain the headache, but…

“My mom had broken a rib in a car accident when I was younger and could barely move for months. But I was able to almost sit up a little bit ago. How is that possible?”

Harvey’s cheeks flushed and he turned away. “Your injuries were more than I could heal on my own, so Marlon brought Rasmodius to help. I also knew that if we didn’t heal you most of the way you wouldn’t listen to medical advice and just reinjure yourself.”

I huffed out a small laugh. He wasn't wrong.

“If you’re careful, I can raise the bed a little so you can eat. Once you’ve eaten something and that headache is under control, I can discharge you.”

“Thanks, Doc. How much do I owe you?” I asked as he lifted the head of the bed.

“Marlon took care of everything for you. One of the perks of being in The Adventurer’s Guild, he said. You just concentrate on getting better.”

Sterling returned a few minutes later with a bottle of ginger ale and a container of Gus’ chicken noodle soup. I was able to keep my food down, so Doc Harvey gave me two pills to help with the pain in my head.

“You just lay there and relax until those kick in, okay?"

I kept trying to get Sterling to go home and rest, but he refused to leave my side. It was very sweet and under normal circumstances, I would have cherished being able to spend time with him. The fact that he could not sit still to save his life ruined all of that. Even after I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, I could hear him moving about the room and sighing heavily in either frustration or boredom.

After about an hour, my headache had dulled to a manageable level and the general achy feeling had faded to just background noise. Doc Harvey came in to check my vitals again and declared me fit to go home.

“You are under strict orders to rest. No farm chores, no mining. You are to park yourself on your couch and binge your favorite show. If and only if you feel up to it, you can resume your normal level of activity tomorrow afternoon.”

Afternoon? I’d never get all my chores done if I didn’t get started in the early morning. I legit could not afford to take any time off. I was much better off now than I was when I first got here, but there was still so much to do to make Roseville Farms truly profitable. Every day was precious. Everything I needed to do cost so much gold – expanding the house, building a barn and getting a cow, expanding the coop and adding a duck pond, not to mention all the trees, rocks, weeds…

“Take a breath, Rosebud. You know I’ll help you with your chores.”

“You need to rest too, Sterling,” Harvey admonished. “Your body is going through a lot right now. The last thing you need to be doing is working out in the heat.”

“I’ll be fine, doc. I know my limits,” Sterling replied with a cocky smile.

“Ha! That’s hilarious! Tell me another one,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Seriously, I’ll drink plenty of water and take a bunch of breaks. Let me do this for you, Rosebud.”

I took his hand and squeezed his fingers. “I really appreciate the gesture, my heart, but no. A late start might mean I have to work into the night, but I’ll be okay. It means a lot that you want to help, but you need to take care of yourself.”

He jerked his hand out of mine and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t need you to mother me,” he snapped, his eyes narrowing.

“Sterling…”

“Whatever. I get it. You don’t want my help.”

I sighed and shook my head. “No, idiot, I don’t want you to die of heat stroke or something. Yoba, you are maddening sometimes.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Harvey interrupted. “Arguing isn’t going to help either of you.”

Sterling didn’t say anything before walking out of the room. My lower lip started to tremble as my eyes started to well up with tears. His heart was in the right place, and I really would love to have him at the farm, but something was seriously wrong with him. The pinpoint pupils, the agitation, the mood swings…these were a sign of something far worse. I really hoped I was, but something was telling me that things were about to get way worse.

“I’m going to send Maru in to help you get changed. I’m afraid we had to cut off the clothes you were wearing yesterday but don’t worry. Mia brought a change of clothes for you when she and Henry returned from your farm,” Harvey said, handing me a tissue.

“Thanks. Hey, Doc, I hate to say this, but do you think…” I trailed off, the words stuck in my throat. I didn’t want to say it out loud. “Do you think Sterling is okay?”

“No, I don’t. And I told Henry and Mia as much, so they’ll be keeping a close eye on him when he’s at home. I’ll be straight with you because I know how much he means to you. When I did my residency at ZuZu Memorial Hospital I saw more than my fair share of doctor shoppers.”

“Doctor shoppers?”

He nodded. “People addicted to painkillers who were trying to get their fix legally. They’d make up all kinds of injuries and illnesses to get a prescription. When one hospital would catch on, they’d go to another, and another, until they ran out of options, hit rock bottom, or…well. We could be wrong, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t very concerned.”

“What do I do?” I asked, my voice small and watery.

Harvey sat on the stool next to my bed with a sigh. “These things are very tricky. Say or do the wrong thing and you can push him so far away you’ll never get him back. Between the alcohol withdrawals and whatever he’s got himself mixed up with, he’s not thinking clearly right now. He might see your help as an attack. Especially if we’re wrong. Be there for him, support him, love him, but protect yourself. Don’t let him drag you down. If you need to step away, do it.”

I wiped my eyes and took a shaky breath. I had no idea what I was going to do, but thankfully I didn’t have to decide now. All I wanted to do right now was get out of this frigid clinic and back to my tiny cabin and my cat.

“Thank you, Doc. I really appreciate everything you did. Even though the bill is being taken care of by The Adventurer’s Guild, is there anything I can bring you to say thanks?”

Harvey smiled. “I hear you’re making wine on your farm. I wouldn’t say no to a bottle of melon or peach wine if you can spare it.”

“You got it. I just started a batch of melon wine before I headed to the mines, so I’ll bring a bottle by in about 6 days.”

With Maru’s help, I got changed into the sweatpants and tank top Mia brought. She brushed and braided my hair for me since raising my arms above my shoulders hurt my tender ribs. I took a few steps to check my balance and if I took it slow, I should be able to walk back to my farm.

Sterling was sitting in the waiting room when I shuffled out of the treatment room. He had my backpack in his lap and my sword and pickaxe were leaning against the wall next to him.

I raised my right brow incredulously. “You’re still here.”

He looked up from his phone and shrugged. “I was an asshole, and I couldn’t leave without apologizing.”

I sighed through my nose. “I know you’re going through some shit, Sterling, but you can’t bite my head off like that. Especially when I’m only trying to make sure you’re okay.”

“I know. You were just looking out for me, and I’m not used to that yet. It’s been a while since anyone other than Henry or Mia gave a shit about me. I’m going to fuck up. I’m human. Sue me.”

“And there you go again. Go home, Sterling. Eat something and get some sleep. Text me when you get your head out of your ass.”

He dropped my backpack onto the floor and stood, putting his phone into his back pocket. “This is the thanks I get for sitting next to you all night?”

I closed my eyes and counted to ten, silently, in my head before answering. “What do you want from me? I’m not going to let you make yourself sick! You need to rest and take care of yourself while your body is adjusting, idiot.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I don’t want to fight with you over this. This is stupid.”

“Oh, so now I’m stupid?”

“For fuck’s sake! You are impossible!”

The headache was starting to come back…whether it was from the shouting or the fact that I was resisting punching him in his stupid face, I couldn’t say.

“Seriously? Again? Sterling, Pierre gave you the day off to rest and I suggest you do just that. Go home and sleep this off. I’ll make sure Samantha gets home safely,” Doc Harvey said sternly, coming out of the back room of the clinic.

“Whatever. See ya around, I guess.”

I watched him storm out of the clinic, my heart in my throat. If the withdrawals didn’t kill him…

“I put some medicine in the front pocket of your backpack. With the wizard’s magic, you shouldn’t need them, but just in case. Make sure you take them with food, so they don’t hurt your stomach. Please call me immediately if your pain gets unbearable, or if you feel dizzy or nauseous,” Harvey instructed.

“I will. Am I okay to walk home? I don’t want to put anyone out looking for a ride. And it’s not like Pelican Town has a taxi service.”

“Against my better judgment, I will allow it. Abigail is waiting for you outside. She can walk with you to make sure you make it. Take it slow and take breaks if you feel you need it, all right?”

“Thanks again, Harvey. We’re lucky to have a doctor like you.”

Abby spent the entire walk home berating me for taking stupid risks in the mines. She recited The Adventurer’s Guild bylaws at me and made me swear that I would never ever do something so idiotic ever again.

“Don’t worry, Abs. I’ve learned my lesson.”

By the time we made it to the cabin, I was utterly exhausted. Abby refused to leave me. She parked herself on my couch with one of my romantasy books and ordered me to bed. I am pretty sure I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

The sun had set when I woke up. Abby was quietly sobbing on the couch, the book lying face down on the coffee table in front of her.

“What part did you get to?” I asked, my voice rough with sleep.

“She just stabbed the man she loves to save the kingdom,” she wailed. “I know he’s going to live, but it’s just so sad.”

“If it makes you feel better, he turns out to be a giant asshole in the next book,” I assured her, tossing the covers off.

“Yeah? Does she stay with him?”

Once I sat up, my head started pounding again. “Nope. Where’s my backpack?”

“By the door. Who does she wind up with? Does she meet her fated mate?”

“She already has.”

“What!?”

“Yoba, Abby. Not so damn loud.”

I unzipped the front pouch of my backpack and fished around for the bottle of pills Harvey said he put in there. I frowned as I found nothing. I opened the main pouch and emptied the entire thing on the table. Ore, stone, gemstones, some wild seeds, and a few bat wings, but no medicine.

“Abs, where’s my phone?” I asked, rubbing my temples.

“On the charger next to your bed. What’s wrong?”

“Harvey said he put some pain meds in my backpack, and I can’t find them. I want to call him and make sure I heard him right.”

Harvey answered on the third ring, sounding slightly out of breath. “Samantha? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, Doc. I’m good. Well, not good, but…You said that you put my prescription in the front pocket of my backpack, right?”

“The small pocket in the front with the unicorn pin, yes. Why?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, my heart racing in my chest. “I just turned my backpack inside out and I didn’t find them. Is it at all possible you maybe just forgot?”

He was quiet for several heartbeats. “No. The zipper got stuck when I was zipping it back up. I know I put that bottle in there. Could it have fallen out? Or maybe rolled off the table when you turned your bag upside down?”

“I’m checking the floor as we speak, and nothing.” I swallowed. “I’m going to ask you a question and I hate even asking. What kind of pills did you give me?”

“Nothing heavy, just 800mg ibuprofen. What does that have to do…oh. I see what you’re saying. Should I call Mia?”

“No. It’s like you said—one wrong move and the house could come crashing down. I’ll keep looking, but could you maybe send Maru by with another prescription? My head is pounding again.”

“Of course. I’ll also send some drink mix that you can mix in water that will help with dehydration. That should also help with the headache. I’m sorry, Samantha. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”

I didn’t even say goodbye before hanging up. I wanted to throw my phone against the wall, but somehow, I was able to resist that urge. I sat down at my kitchen table and cradled my head in my hands. Abby came to my side and rubbed slow circles along my back.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

“My head feels like it’s going to explode and I’m pretty sure Sterling has gotten back on pills because I told him to quit drinking, so no, Abby, I am not okay.”

“That would explain why he’s been acting so weird at the store. Dad’s gonna kill him if he ever finds out.”

“Not if I get to him first. Fuck, Abs, I don’t even know if I’m right. I could be completely blowing things out of proportion. Maybe he’s just sick…like he’s got a cold, or the flu, or a fucking brain tumor. Maybe the pills just fell out of my backpack on our walk here.”

“We would have noticed. There’s only one way to find out what happened,” she said, sliding my phone toward me. “Just call him. Or text him. See what he says.”

I stared at my phone, Harvey’s words playing over and over in my head. Sterling was an addict. I knew that. I had no illusions that he was this perfect paragon of a human being. He was flawed, sure, but weren’t we all? I wanted to be wrong. In fact, I had never wanted to be wrong so bad in my entire life.

Sterling was the last person to have his hands on my backpack. It was in his damn lap when I walked into the waiting room. If he was using again, it wouldn’t be that big of a stretch for him to pocket the pain pills while Harvey and Maru were occupied elsewhere in the clinic.

My fingers were trembling as I picked up the phone.

Me: Sterling…I have a question for you…

Marshmallow: Rosebud! How are u feeling?

Me: My head is killing me. Harvey said he put my medicine in the front pocket of my backpack, but I can’t find it. Do you know what happened to it?

Abby and I watched the three dots appear and disappear over and over.

“Maybe he’s shaking so bad he’s making a bunch of typos and he’s fixing them,” she suggested.

“Maybe. Or maybe he’s trying to get his story straight.”

Marshmallow: Why would I know what happened to it? U sent me home, remember?

Me: You were the last person to touch my backpack. Did you see it fall out or something?

Marshmallow: Why don’t u just say what u mean, Rosebud?

I was not expecting that. I honestly thought he’d dance around the elephant in the room.

Me: Please tell me I’m wrong.

Marshmallow: I can’t.

Me: Good luck getting high on ADVIL, dumbass.

I set my phone to silent and turned it face down on the table. Yoba dammit all…

“I’m sorry,” Abby whispered, taking my hand.

“At least he was honest.”

Yoba…how did he get back on pills all the way out here? Even if Grampleton and Castle Village are bigger than Pelican Town, it doesn’t make it easy to get those kinds of things. Has he been making trips to ZuZu City? That didn’t make sense either. The city was too far away to make the round trip in one day. He had two days off from work, but they weren’t consecutive, and Pierre was stingy with time off.

“What are you going to do?” Abby asked.

That was a very good question. I had a lot of emotions swirling around inside me – hurt and anger chief among them. If the withdrawals were getting so bad that he needed to turn to pills to get through it, why didn’t he say anything? To me, to Harvey, or Mia and Henry? He had made it more than four months sober why did he throw all that away?

Was it that stupid ultimatum? Did I do this? I told him he had to choose to get out of his dogshit for himself and then I went and tempted him. I dangled a golden carrot in front of him when I should have just…what? Given in and let him destroy me? Because that’s what would happen. He would continue down his path of self-destruction and he’d drag me right along with him. I’d be sitting at home wondering if he was even going to make it home, growing resentful that he was choosing himself over us.

Absolutely not.

Beyond all of that, there was the fact that he stole from me. I sat back and sighed, my head throbbing with each beat of my heart. The trust between us had been broken. What he stole was inconsequential in the long run…a couple of pills were nothing. But it was a slippery slope from here. What was next? A bottle of wine? A few gold coins?

“I don’t know. I’m in too much pain to think clearly right now. I need to eat something, take my meds, and sleep. I can come up with a plan tomorrow.”

Maru arrived about an hour later with a bunch of goodies from the townsfolk: cookies from Granny Evelyn, three containers of soup from Gus, a book of short stories from Elliott, a coloring book and colored pencils from Leah, a Solarian Chronicles novel from Sam & Sebastian, a pan of lasagna from Caroline and Pierre, some kind of tater tot casserole from Jodi, an assortment of cheeses from Marni, a hastily scribbled note from Clint promising to crack any geodes I found for free the next time I came in, a book on the history of the valley from Gunther, and three freshly caught Largemouth Bass from Willy.

“They do know I’m not dying, right?” I asked as I set the large box on my little kitchen table. “I’ll be back to normal by tomorrow afternoon.”

Maru shrugged. “That’s not even all of it. The East Scarp folks were still gathering things when I left. It’s just what we do here. When someone gets sick or injured, we rally together and do what we can to help. Oh, Mom and Dad said their gift would show up in the morning. Not sure what they meant by that, but I guess you’ll see. Your pills are in the box…somewhere. And the drink powder too.”

My heart felt three sizes too big for my chest and it felt a little hard to breathe. None of this made any sense to me. I was beyond grateful, but for the life of me, I could not understand why these people were being so damn nice to me. I was practically a stranger.

“Welcome to Stardew Valley,” Abby said with a bright smile.

Before she left, I asked Maru to just confirm that the pills Harvey sent were a new bottle and that he hadn’t just found the bottle he meant to give me. Sterling had already confessed but I needed that proof. It didn’t make things any easier nor did it make me feel any better, but at least I knew. I had no idea what I was going to do in the morning. I needed time to sort through my thoughts and emotions. Tonight, I would focus on healing. Tomorrow was tomorrow’s problem.

Chapter Text

Abby and I spent the rest of the evening devouring half of her mom’s lasagna and talking about her latest obsession. I wasn’t ready to process all that happened earlier so stuffing my face with layers of pasta and cheese while talking about pretty boys with wings was exactly what I needed.

“Tell me everything, but no spoilers!”

“You realize that’s impossible, right? The best I could do with that is ‘stuff happens’.”

“There’s a happy ending, right?”

“This series isn’t finished yet so I can’t say for sure. I’m pretty sure the fangirls would riot if anything bad happened to any of the characters. Well, maybe not the guy who just got stabbed,” I replied, taking another bite of lasagna.

“It’s not done!? How many books are there?” Abby demanded.

“Six so far. They get steamier as the series goes on, too. The sixth one is my favorite.”

Abby clapped her hands excitedly. “Ooh, yes. Love spicy fantasy! I’m so happy to have someone to talk about books with. The boys don’t like romance in their books, so they never read the same things I do.” She set her fork down with a happy sigh. “I give up. I haven’t had Mom’s lasagna in forever. It’s a pain in the neck to make so she only makes it for special occasions.”

“Well, then, I feel honored,” I said with a small smile. “I have no idea how I’m going to repay everyone for their kindness.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just contribute to the collection for the next person. That’s how it works.”

I took one last bite before also conceding defeat. I’d taken a dose of medicine before we sat down to eat so my head was feeling much better. The drink mix Harvey sent was a little salty, but it wasn’t awful. I was on my second bottle of the stuff by the time we finished eating.

“You’re looking so much better. I was standing outside with Sterling when Marlon and Linus brought you down off the mountain. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but Sterling really freaked out when he saw you. He was convinced you were dead, and to be honest, so did I. You were so pale and there were so many bruises.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe he’s doing something so stupid.”

“Me either, but I really don’t want to talk about him or his problems right now.”

“Heard. What do you want to do? Movie marathon? Binge watch trashy reality TV or Queen of Sauce episodes?”

I would have to deal with Sterling eventually. I knew that. I just couldn’t do it tonight. My emotions were all over the place and I wanted to make sure that whatever decision I made came from a place of calm and logic. I had to ensure that I didn’t do or say anything that would push Sterling further down the wrong path while also protecting my peace. I had done a pretty shit job of that lately.

“I want to sit on the couch, drink tea, and talk about all our book boyfriends. Wait until I tell you about the hot baker with magic powers and his even hotter ex-Navy Corpsman turned EMT best friend…who also has magic powers.”

“Tell me everything, but – “

“No spoilers, I know. C’mon. I splurged on some Earl Grey from my favorite tea shop in ZuZu City and I have been dying to make a pot.”

I forgot to change my alarms on my phone, so I was rudely awakened at 6am by the sounds of an electronic rooster. My headache was completely gone, but my ribs were still sore. I had half a mind to get dressed and start work on the farm, but I’m fairly certain Abigail would tie me to a chair if I tried.

We’d stayed up until well past midnight talking about books, boys (and girls, surprising the shit out of me, but not in a bad way), and just about anything that wasn’t Sterling or his handsome face with his puppy dog eyes the color of sapphires, his auburn hair streaked with copper that glistened in the summer sun, his broad shoulders, his biceps defined by the heavy lifting that came from farm chores and stocking shelves, his goofy smile, the scar on his lip, the earrings…

“Ugh! Why am I like this?” I moaned, pulling the covers over my head.

Rather than lay there and wallow in my own self-pity, I decided to get up and take a shower. A cold one. To shut off my brain.

I knew I couldn’t keep putting my head in the sand when it came to all that happened yesterday. Running away and avoiding the problem would only make it worse. I knew that. I just didn’t know if I was ready to make the decisions that I needed to. Everything would change no matter what I did.

The front door of my cabin was standing wide open when I stepped out of my steamy bathroom. Sam and Sebastian stood on my front porch, both staring at the back of my couch, a confused look on their faces.

“Uh, hi? Something I can do for you boys?”

“We brought the box from East Scarp,” Sam said sounding distracted.

“Thank you? Why is my door open?”

“Abby. We knocked, she came to the door, mumbled something, and then went back to the couch,” Sam replied. “I don’t think her eyes were even open.”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “She hasn’t had her coffee yet. She’ll be human again in no time. Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Sebastian set a medium-sized banker’s box on the kitchen table and sat in one of my chairs. He still hadn’t said anything, but then again, he looked like he was still half asleep. I shook my head as I filled my electric kettle with water. All I had was instant coffee, but it would still get the job done.

“I know you didn’t get up at the ass crack of dawn just to bring me a box of goodies. What brings you out my way?” I asked as I looked in my ice chest for something to serve for breakfast.

“Mom and Demetrius,” Sebastian said miserably.

“What do your parents have to do with the price of peas in Grampleton?”

“I got voluntold to come help you with your farm chores. And he’s not my parent. He’s just the dude Mom married.”

“My bad. That explains why Sebastian is here. Sam, blink twice if Sebastian kidnapped you. I can get you to safety.”

Sam laughed. “Nah. This idiot decided that if he had to be up at this unholy hour, I did too. He threw rocks at my window until I woke up. And I don’t mind. Music is my passion and I want to make a career out of it, but I know it’s a long shot. If I can’t be a rockstar, maybe I can be a farmer.”

The trio had played a small set at the Luau on the beach earlier this summer. They hadn’t had a lot of time to practice, but they still sounded good. With a little time and polishing, they could really make a go of it.

“I get having a backup plan, Sam number 1, but don’t sell yourself short.”

“Aw, shucks. You’re gonna make me blush,” he said, lowering his gaze.

I set a coffee mug in front of Sebastian and nudged his arm with my elbow. “They have these things called cell phones, ya know. You didn’t have to throw rocks at Sam’s window.”

“He keeps his phone on Do Not Disturb like a savage.”

“Who’s gonna call me overnight? My mom and brother are in the house with me. You rarely get out of bed before noon, and Abby would rather die than talk to someone on the phone. If it’s an emergency, Mom’s number is the one on the phone tree, not mine.”

“Do I smell coffee?” Abby mumbled from the couch.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Abs. There’s coffee and I think I can make omelets. No promises that they won’t be a little burnt. I’m still not great in the kitchen.”

Abby shuffled into the kitchen, her purple hair a disheveled mess around her head. She took the coffee mug I offered with a mumbled word of thanks before giving Sebastian a quick peck on the lips and breathing in the steam wafting off the cup.

“Heaven,” she whispered before taking a sip.

“At least her eyes are open now,” Sam said, taking a drink from his own cup and wincing.

After breakfast, I showed the boys where I kept my farm tools and gave them a quick rundown of everything that needed doing. As we wandered through the fields, a sense of calm settled over me. I trailed my fingers over bright pink melons and breathed in the spicy scent of summer spangles and the earthy aroma of my tomato plants. I plucked a plump, juicy blueberry off the bush and popped it into my mouth, the sweet juice exploded on my tongue.

This. This is where I needed to keep my focus. These plants, I grew them from seed. I kept them watered, I pruned back the leaves and branches that no longer served the plant. I planted flowers to bring in bees to pollinate, I researched and used the best fertilizers to amend the soil to give each plant a fighting chance. This place where I spent my childhood summers, where my family put down roots. This farm was in my blood, my soul, my fucking DNA.

I needed to make this place work. I let myself get distracted from my main purpose. I came here to break my chains, to reinvent myself, to become who I was always meant to be. I made promises to myself when I got here. I made rules. Work hard, prove everyone wrong, and never fall in love.

Sterling was…Sterling was a wonderful, beautiful, broken disaster. I wanted to be his more than I wanted my next breath. But…the trust between us was broken. I knew it wasn’t really him. It was his disease. Trust was incredibly important to me, especially after Amber. You can’t un-ring a bell and this one was echoing all over the damn valley. Sterling had crossed a major boundary and there was no coming back from that. Not as he was. If he got better, truly better, maybe.

No. There won’t be any recovery from this. I might be able to forgive him, but he won’t be able to forgive me for what I’m about to do.

“Hey, you good?” Sebastian asked, raising his eyebrow in concern.

I wiped my cheeks and smiled a watery smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just…overwhelmed, I guess?” I sighed. “You guys got this?

Sam adjusted his sunglasses and nodded. “For sure. You go park it on that gaudy-ass crystal chair on your front porch and leave the farming to us.”

Watching Sebastian getting chased around the animal paddock by four very angry chickens was probably the highlight of my day. I was feeling so much better by the time the crops were harvested that I could have easily taken care of my chickens, but a dark glare from Abigail had kept me pinned to my chair. I’d warned him that they’d probably be mad that they hadn’t been let out yet, but, clearly, he didn’t listen.

“Call off your dinosaurs!” Sebastian cried, jumping up onto the first rung of the wooden fence that surrounded the paddock.

“They’re chickens, Sebastian! They’re not trained attack dogs! I would have a better chance getting Alex to stop doing burpees on the beach!” I called back once I’d stopped laughing.

Sam used the fact that his best friend was in mortal peril to sneak into the coop and collect the eggs.  He almost made it back to the gate with a full basket before Curry, the leader of the pack, caught his scent. They shifted their focus to the stealer of their young and moved to attack. Sam squeaked and took off at a run.

I sat back and sighed. “I thought I would be bored out of my mind just sitting here, but those boys have literally made my day. They did a really great job.”

Abby slid her sunglasses down her nose and adjusted her giant sun hat. “I honestly thought they’d give up halfway through. I’m proud of them.” She took a long drink from a bottle of lemonade. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’ve been back to 100% for a couple hours now.”

She shook her head. “That’s not what I meant.”

I picked a piece of nonexistent lint on my denim shorts and shrugged. “Kind of? I know what I have to do. I just don’t want to.”

“He asked about you.”

I met her gaze. “Where did you see him? I thought he was off today.”

“He is. Mia sent him to the store to pick up ingredients for dinner. Honestly, I think she probably just wanted him out of the house. He was…twitchy.”

Abby had declared that she was going to be staying with me for a few days, so she’d headed home to pack a bag and get a bunch of junk food for movie nights. She’d been gone longer than I’d thought she’d be, but I just thought she needed to convince her parents to let her be away from home for that long.

“What did you say?”

“The truth, for the most part. I just said that you’re healing and taking it easy. He seemed genuinely concerned, for what it’s worth.”

It wasn’t worth much, but it still made my heart flutter a little bit. His heart was always in the right place. Too bad his brain didn’t follow along.

“What did you tell your parents?” I asked.

“About Sterling? Nothing. It’s not my story to tell. If he’s stupid enough to show up to work high, then that’s his own damage. There’s no reason to borrow trouble, right?”

That was probably for the best. If he was stealing pain pills, then whatever he’d gotten his hands on was probably gone. Unless he found something else to get his fix, he’d be detoxing pretty hard soon. That would be punishment enough.

“You know, I never thought I’d miss the city, but I would kill for a town big enough to disappear in right now,” I lamented.

“It won’t be so bad after a while. You can come into the store on Wednesdays and Sundays when Sterling isn’t around until it gets easier. And if you need something on any other day, just call me. You’ll have to take the long way around, but you can make it to Clint’s and the museum and avoid walking by Dad’s store. It’s going to suck for a bit, but you’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, sure, but that’s not what I meant. There’s anonymity in the city. No one knows your business. You can be going through hell, and no one pays attention. No one brings you a box of casseroles and gets all up in your face. You can just process without a bunch of sad looks and pats on the head.”

“That sounds lonely,” Abby said sadly.

“Maybe, but it’s what I’m used to.”

“Look, if you’d rather be alone and feel your feelings, just say so. I’ll spread the word around town for folks to just leave you be. But I think it’s a stupid move.”

I narrowed my gaze. “What do you mean by that?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know what it’s like in ZuZu City, and, from the sounds of things, thank Yoba for that. But here in Pelican Town, we’re all family. We look out for one another, help each other. Take Haley and Emily for example. Their parents swanned off to Yoba knows where the second Haley turned 18. Sure, they get to live in the house and they send them money every now and then, but they haven’t been back to Pelican Town in years. Gus gave Emily her job at the Saloon, not because he needed the help, but because Emily needed the money. Gunther uses his contacts as museum director to help Haley sell her photographs. Mom and Jodi make sure they have food and Dad, Clint, and Willie help with any repairs that they need around the house.

“Haley may act like a colossal brat and turn her nose up at tater-tot hotdish or apple pie cheesecake, but I see the gratitude in her eyes when she thinks no one is looking. Emily plasters a smile on her face and talks about chakras and auras and throws crystals around like confetti, but I know she misses her parents. We all know…we just don’t say anything.” She picked up the handheld silk fan she brought with her and opened it with a snap. “We may know everyone’s business, and we may whisper behind closed doors, but in the light of the day, we take care of our own.”

“I don’t understand any of this. Like, okay, Haley and Emily were born here. They’ve been here their whole lives. It makes sense. Me? I’ve barely lived here for six months. I’m practically an outsider. Everyone in this town, with very few exceptions, treats me like…” I trailed off, looking for the right word.

“Family?” Sam suggested, wiping his brow with a faded red bandana. “It doesn’t matter where you came from, you’re here now.”

“You didn’t exactly have a nurturing childhood. It’s not surprising that you don’t understand. You can either wallow in self-pity and eat your weight in ice cream and chocolate, in solitude and misery, or you can let this town lift you up and help you carry your burdens for a little while. Up to you,” Abby said, fanning her face.

“Before this gets too philosophical, mind showing us what to do with all this stuff we harvested?” Sam asked. “The river at the edge of your property is calling my name. I can’t believe you do this shit every day. How are you not dead?”

I sent the boys home. They did all the hard work, the least I could do was sort through the produce they harvested. The choicest fruits would go into cold storage near the kegs to turn into wine. The mid-grade crops would go into the shipping bin to sell to Pierre. The rest I’d keep for myself.

Leave it to Abigail to put everything in perspective. I had been on my own, in one way or another, my entire life. Family, community, they didn’t exist for me.  Until now. It felt weird because I had never had people to look out for me; to care about my wellbeing. My parents made sure my physical needs were met, but never my emotional needs. And Amber…well. That was an epic disaster from the jump. I was just so desperate for a crumb of affection that I’d blinded myself to all the bullshit until I couldn’t anymore.

Was that why I’d fallen so hard for Sterling? Was I still so desperate for fondness and warmth that I’d ignored his giant red flags? Maybe in part, but there was more to it. He made me feel…grounded. Loved. Seen. Sterling didn’t want anything from me other than me. He had no expectations of me. He didn’t want my money to fund his bullshit career. He didn’t want to live off my success. He wanted me to be happy and to succeed all on my own. He loved helping out on my farm and sharing music with me. He loved the same movies and TV shows that I did. He loved telling me stories and just spending time with me. He loved me.

And yet…

Despite all of that, there was something that he loved more and that was why I had to cut him off.  I didn’t want to. The thought of telling him it was over…before it had even really began…felt like icicles in my blood. The bouquet I had bought for him was sitting in a mason jar of water on my bedside table. It hadn’t felt right to give it to him the night he told me about Kai and what brought him here to Stardew Valley. I couldn’t give it to him. I had gone against my own word. I’d told him to get out of his dogshit for himself and his own happiness and then turned right around, in almost the same fucking breath, and given him an ultimatum. The road to hell was paved in good intentions and I’d laid the final fucking brick. I thought I was giving him something to work toward. Instead, I’d pointed him right back to drugs.

“Yoba, I’m an idiot,” I muttered under my breath.

“No, you’re not,” Abby said, pulling me into a hug. “You meant well. And you’ll both heal. It might take a long time, but you’ll get there. The thing you have to decide is are you willing to wait for him to get through this?”

“I can’t wait forever, Abs,” I said, tears finally falling down my cheeks.

She squeezed me tight and let me go. “You won’t have to, hon. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but my dad and Sterling’s dad were BFFs back in the day. I knew the old Sterling…the Sterling before ZuZu City. That sweet, goofy kid who used to pull my hair and chase me around the town square but would also share his field snacks with me is still in there. We just have to wait for him to figure his shit out.”

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and gave her a watery smile. “I love you, Abby. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you.”

“You haven’t, but I kind of figured. And I love you, too. Now, can we please go inside? I’m going to turn into a lobster if I stay out in this Yoba-cursed sun for a second longer.”

“I love this time of day,” I said with a happy sigh. “When the sun has just about set, and the fireflies start coming out –”

“And the mosquitos. Ugh!” Abby interrupted, smacking her thigh.

I laughed and shook my head. “We can go inside if you’re miserable.”

“No, it’s fine. You just need to invest in some citronella torches or something.”

“I’ll put it on my ever-growing wish list of things I need for the farm but can’t really afford right now.”

After an absolutely glorious afternoon of sitting on my couch reading books with a cheesy medical drama playing in the background, we decided that ice cream for dinner was the perfect way to end the day. It was Abby’s idea to sit on the front porch to watch the sunset. I had a feeling she would be miserable, but she insisted.

“You’ll get there. The town loves the fruits and veggies you sell. Your distillery will continue to grow and you’ll be selling wine all over the valley. You should talk to Marnie about ways of using your eggs besides just selling them. Dad pays her way more for her cheese than he does for her milk. And wine takes forever to make, but I’m pretty sure preserves take less time.”

I raised my right brow. “When did you get to be so smart?”

She stirred the remainder of her ice cream, her expression thoughtful. “I’ve always been smart. It’s just that I’ve been taking all these business management classes and really focusing on the economics of farming. I don’t want to be a farmer, but if I’m going to be stuck here in the valley, I might as well figure out ways to help the people who love the land. It’s all about finding the balance between making sure you get the most for your efforts while also making sure my business stays in the black.”

“I didn’t mean to imply…I’m sorry.”

“Nah, I knew what you meant.”  She sighed, setting her empty bowl down on the porch. “I fought against staying here in Pelican Town. I didn’t want to take over my dad’s store. I wanted to join The Adventurer’s Guild and protect the valley. But it turns out I’m actually good at all this business stuff. So much so that Dad is actually starting to listen to me about some changes we should make to streamline some of the ordering processes. I dunno. Maybe I could be like Superman… mild-mannered shopkeeper by day, amazing superhero at night.”

“That’s more Batman’s thing, but yeah. I could see that,” I said with a small chuckle.  “I’m still willing to teach you sword techniques if you’re still wanting to learn.”

“Ooh. Yes, please!” She slapped her arm again. “But maybe once Fall kicks off. I am going to need an entire vat of calamine lotion in the morning.”

I had made so many promises to Abby and never followed through thanks to Sterling. I’d done it again. I’d made him the center of my universe and pushed my friends’ wants and needs to the back burner. Was that just my curse? To lose myself in one singular person to the detriment of everything else?

Abby’s eyes went wide for a second before she cleared her throat and suddenly came to her feet. “You know what? I just realized that I didn’t tell my mom how to take care of my guinea pig. I’m just going to go inside and call her. You…you just stay here. I’ll be…right back.”

“Abby…what are you…?”

She didn’t answer me as she dashed inside the house. What in the world had gotten into that girl…

“Hey, Rosebud.”

Ice flooded my veins as my stomach did somersaults. I was sitting with my back to the road leading into town. Abby must have seen him walking up the road and made up some bullshit excuse to give us privacy. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss her or murder her.

 “Sterling? What are you doing here?” I called over my shoulder.

“I just want to talk.”

Part of me wanted to tell him to go away. I didn’t want to have this conversation face-to-face. As cowardly as it was, I’d wanted to just say everything in a text. It was a shitty thing to do, I knew that, but I wasn’t sure I could actually go through with it if he was looking me in the eye.

“Well, since you walked all the way here, might as well take a seat,” I said, still not turning to face him.

When he came into the warm glow of my porchlight, I had to stifle a small gasp. He looked absolutely wrecked…worse than when I’d seen him at the clinic yesterday. He was wearing the same orange T-shirt and jeans he’d been wearing the day before and they were a wrinkled mess, like he’d slept in them. His cheeks were gaunt and his eyes were red and puffy like he’d been crying. My arms ached with the want to wrap him in a tight hug and tell him everything was going to be okay.

Stay strong…you got this…

He sat across from me with a groan. “Sometimes I forget how far of a walk it is from my house to yours.”

“It’s even worse when you feel like hot garbage, I’m sure.”

He chuckled humorlessly and raked his fingers through his hair. “You’re not wrong.” He sighed heavily. “Rosebud, I fucked up.”

I snorted and turned my gaze away from his. “No kidding. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t. I honestly didn’t even know I had done it until I was halfway home with the bottle in my hand.”

And somehow that just made it worse.

“Sterling—”

“Hey now. What happened to ‘my heart’?” he asked sadly.

You broke it, dumbass. It’s in a thousand tiny pieces scattered between here and East Scarp.

“Sterling,” I stressed. He jerked like I’d slapped him. “I am…” I trailed off. It seemed wrong to say I was proud of him. He had made incredible progress, but he had slid so far off the rails he wasn’t even on the same track anymore.  “I am just so damn tired.”

“Are you okay? Abby said you were healing, but if you need more time, I can come back.”

“Stop it,” I bit out, my stomach clenching.

“Stop…what?”

“Stop being so damn nice! I can’t be mad at you when you’re being so Yoba damned nice! Yeah, you fucked up. You fucked up so damn bad that there’s no coming back. And what’s worse is that I fucked up just as bad.”

He frowned, his eyebrows coming together. “You’re not making any sense.”

“Maybe it would make more sense if you were sober,” I snapped.

“Hey! That’s not fair! I am sober! I haven’t had a drink in weeks.”

“Yeah? When was the last time you had any pills?”

His eyes filled with guilt, and I had my answer. I sighed heavily and leaned against the porch railing, closing my eyes. Yoba, this was hard.

“You keep jumping from one tub of dog shit to another over and over. You left ZuZu City and your shitty friends and then fell in with Shane, who reminded you of them. You gave up drugs and started drinking. Then you stopped drinking and started the drugs again. Lather, rinse, repeat.”

“I’m trying, dammit!” he barked, his voice dripping with frustration. “You aren’t making this easy. You blow hot and cold all the fucking time. I never know what to expect with you! You tell me I can’t kiss you until I’m sober, then you practically fuck me in front of your friends. Your moods are all over the fucking place. I can’t keep up. It’s no wonder I need something to take the edge off.”

My eyes snapped open. “Excuse me? You are not going to put this all on me. I fully accept that what I did on your birthday was fucked up and I have been kicking myself all day over it. And I will accept that giving you an ultimatum was a shitty thing to do since I’ve been preaching that you needed to make good choices for yourself. But I didn’t put those pills in your hand. That was your choice. You and you alone.” 

Sterling crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want from me? I’m doing my best.”

“I told you the other day that I wanted honesty from you.”

“I haven’t lied to you. Not since I told you about the shots. I’ve been nothing but honest.”

“No, you haven’t. A lie of omission is still a lie. If I hadn’t figured it out, would you have told me that you’d started back on the drugs?”

Yoba…this wasn’t going the way I wanted it to. This would have been so much easier via text.

“I can quit any time I want. I did it before. I’ll do it again.”

“If that were true, why did you steal those pills from me?” I asked softly.

He inhaled sharply through his nose. “That’s a low blow.”

“So was breaking my trust, but here we are.”

He looked so damn lost and afraid, just like he did the night he told me about Kai. This was too much. I wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and force feed him chocolate milk and cookies for the rest of his life. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest it physically hurt. He needed me and I was being such a bitch…

No. Sterling needed to learn how to stand on his own two feet. He needed to make decisions for himself and not for how it would make others feel. And I needed…him.

“Sterling, I think we need some time apart,” I said with little conviction.

“What? No. You can’t be serious, Rosebud,” he begged, coming to his feet. “Tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m serious. I can’t be with you right now. I have my reasons and not all of them are your fault.”

“Give me a list. I will fix or remove every single thing preventing us from being together. I can’t do this without you. You know that. You said…you said you wouldn’t leave me.”

Every word felt like a punch to the gut. There was such desperation and despair in his voice. I hated every single thing about this. This was for the best. It hurt like a bitch, but I could do this.

“I’m sorry. But this…this is too much. You’re too much. You’re too overwhelming, too exhausting. I can’t focus on myself and my dreams if I’m constantly watching over you.”

Tears dripped off my chin and splashed on my chest. Yoba, I had cried so much in the last few months. And every single tear had Sterling’s name on it. I was just so battered and bruised inside. I needed a break. I needed a chance to breathe and focus on something other than this sexy marshmallow and all his problems.

He scoffed. “Here I am at my worst and you’re just walking away? How selfish can you be?”

“Selfish!? You fucking steal from me and I’m the one being selfish?” I shouted, coming to my feet.

“Yes! Selfish and scared. You’re so scared that I’m going to turn into Amber and treat you like shit. Guess what? I’m not her.”

“No shit! I know you’re not her. But for the love of fuck, Sterling, I can’t do this anymore! I can’t keep making decisions based on you and your wants and needs. Fall will be here in little over a week and instead of focusing on what I need to do to be ready for the new season, I found myself thinking about how I could arrange my planting and harvesting to make sure you had support. I was giving up pieces of myself again, something I swore I would never do again.”

“So that’s it then,” he said, his voice icy. “Kicking me to the curb when I need you most.”

"It's not always about you!" I cried, my throat hoarse from the tears. "This is about me and what I need. And right now… I need you to go."

"Rosebud, wait, I--"

"I said go, Sterling. Walk away before I do something we'll both regret."

He took a half step toward me, tears streaking down his face. I recoiled, wrapping my arms around my middle. He wasn’t getting it. I was trying to shoulder most of the blame. I wanted to make this about me so he wouldn’t turn to substances to make himself feel better.

"Is this really what you want?" he whispered.

"Yes," I hissed, throwing as much vitriol as I could behind the word.

"All right then. See ya, around, Samantha."

I didn't turn to watch him leave. He'd called me by my name. Not Rosebud. Not hot stuff. My name.

Abby cracked the front door and stuck her head out. “Are you all right?”

I shook my head.

“Do you want a hug, or do you want to be left alone?” she asked, opening the door wider.

“If you hug me, I might shatter.”

I don’t know if I’d done the right thing. I should have talked to Harvey or Henry or Mia before I did this. He was probably on his way to The Stardrop to get blackout drunk or something worse. Just because it was difficult to get your hands on something didn’t mean it was impossible. Castle Village wasn’t that far of a drive.

“Abby, I think I fucked up.”

She leaned against the door frame. “Maybe. Emotions were running high, and you both said some pretty awful things. I don’t know how this is going to play out for him, but you…you’re going to be okay. You’re going to hurt for a bit, but you’ll be all right.”

I wiped my eyes on my shoulders. “What if I pushed him toward—”

“Stop. Whatever Sterling does from this point forward is not your problem. He is an adult. I don’t know about this whole dogshit thing you were talking about, but I think…I think he needed this. I think this, you breaking up with him, is his rock bottom. He’ll either rise above or he’ll crash and burn. But you can’t worry about that right now.”

I shook my head. “Can I have that hug now?”

“Of course. And then we can break out that Pink Cake that Mia baked for you and watch scary movies.”

“Deal. Thanks, Abby.”

“Don’t mention it. Now come here. We’re letting bugs in.”

Chapter Text

I took Abigail’s advice and talked to Marnie about ways to turn a better profit. She gave me some pointers on how to improve the quality of my chickens’ eggs and provided some blueprints for some machines I could use to process my crops into things other than wine. Three preserves jars full of blueberries were bubbling merrily next to my kegs and a mayo machine was currently doing…something…over by my chicken coop.

I sighed, breathing in the earthy scent of petrichor, and gazed out over my farm. The summer was quickly drawing to a close and Fall would be here in just a few days. There weren’t many crops left to harvest so once everything was put in the proper bins, I’d brought out my sketchbook and sat down to plan out my Fall planting.

“Okay, if I plant the grapes over there, closer to the kegs, that will save on the walk. And then I could plant cranberries between the rows…” I trailed off, chewing on the end of my pen.

There was something tickling the back of my mind about cranberries. There was this vague notion that I needed to either severely limit the number of bushes I planted or eliminate them altogether. Yoba…what was it?

“I hope you don’t plant many cranberries this fall, Rosebud. I want to help you out as much as I can, but I can’t if you plant those. I’m extremely allergic. Even the pollen from the flowers makes me break out in hives.”

Yep. There it is. Fucking hell. Maybe I should plant cranberries in my brain to get his stupid face out of my mind.

Despite telling Sterling to kick rocks three days ago, he had consumed almost every waking thought since. I kept finding things that reminded me of him – the Solarian Chronicles Player’s Handbook he let me borrow, a seashell he picked up on the East Scarp beach that he said reminded him of our date to that little cove, my umbrella. He was everywhere and each time he crossed my mind, my heart ached like it was dying.

Thunder rumbled in the distance as thick, dark grey clouds gathered on the horizon. The rain that had been threatening all day had finally arrived.

At least it waited until I got the crops harvested this time, I thought, sliding my pen behind my ear.

What was I going to do the rest of the day? After my recent ordeal in the mines, I wasn’t ready to head back down there. Fishing was out since sitting still and getting drenched was not my idea of a good time. I could attempt foraging in the Cindersap Forest; Spiceberry Wine was all the rage in Pine-Mesa City right now. I didn’t have proper rain gear, but if it was just a gentle thunderstorm, my umbrella should keep me dry enough.

Ugh. No. Spending an afternoon under a reminder of Sterling sounded like a terrible idea. A spa day with Abigail, however, sounded absolutely divine. I reached for my phone in my back pocket and frowned. Had I dropped it in the field? I thought back to the last time I’d seen the stupid thing.

I’d turned off my alarm, took a shower, checked my texts, answered a few emails from journalists who wanted to do feature stories on the improvements I’d made to Roseville Farm, and sent an email to some stupid influencer’s “manager” who had reached out about doing a photo shoot in my sunflower field telling them to kick rocks. Even though I knew the sunflowers would survive through Fall, I needed that land for wheat. I was going to cut them all down on the last day of Summer. Plus, dealing with another Amber getting in the way of actual farm work sounded like a very special level of hell.

I thought I’d put my phone in my back pocket after that, but maybe I’d just set it down on my kitchen table. I stood with a small groan and headed into the house to check. If it wasn’t in there, I’d have to go through the fields row by row until I found it. I could not afford to replace it if it got damaged in the rain.

I could hear it vibrating when I opened the front door. Thank Yoba! I rushed over to the table, but not fast enough to answer the call that was coming through. My heart sank when I saw 18 missed calls from Pierre’s General Store and 15 texts from Abigail.

Abby: Call me. Now.

Abby: 911!! Where r u!?

Abby: I swear to Yoba…ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!!

Abby: R U SERIOUS!? IT’S ME CALLING!! PICK UP!!

Abby: IF U DON’T CALL ME BACK RIGHT NOW I AM NEVER GOING TO SPEAK TO U AGAIN!

The texts went on along those same lines, getting more and more frantic with each one. The last was only 3 minutes ago.

Abby: I know ur pissed at him, but please call me back.

I rolled my eyes. Of course, it was about Sterling. If it weren’t for Abby’s desperation, I wouldn’t even acknowledge the situation. Whatever bullshit he’d gotten himself into this time was not my problem. But for her sake, I pressed the button to call her cell.

“Finally! Where the hell were you!?” she demanded after only one ring.

“I left my phone in the house when I left to work out in the fields. What’s he done now?”

“Get to the store as soon as you can,” she replied, ignoring my question. “He needs you.”

“Abby, he’s not my—”

“He. Needs. You. I’ve never seen him like this. I’m really scared that he’s going to do something really stupid.”

The line went dead. I stared at my home screen, my brow furrowed with aggravation. He wasn’t my problem anymore. I was under no obligation to drop everything and run to his side. He probably showed up to work high as a kite and was reaping the consequences.

Not my pasture, not my bullshit.

But there was something about her tone, the pace of her speech, that made me pause.

“Fuck it. At the very least I can swing by The Stardrop on my way home and grab a pizza for dinner.”

I slid my phone into my back pocket, grabbed my backpack, and, before I could talk myself out of it, headed down the road toward Pelican Town.

The loud claps of thunder and the imminent threat of rain did nothing to disperse the small crowd of townspeople gathered in front of Pierre’s. Everyone had looks of shock, sadness, or confusion on their faces as they watched what was happening inside the store through the giant plate glass window.

Sebastian was the first to notice me walking up. He nudged Sam with his elbow and they both broke away from the crowd to meet me.

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded. “Why is everyone standing around gawking?”

“Oh good. Abby finally got a hold of you,” Sebastian replied, avoiding my questions. “You’d better get in there before Pierre kills your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I snapped.

The boys winced at my tone. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry for snapping, but can one of you please explain to me what the sweet fuck is going on?”

Sam shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. “All we know is that Sterling and Pierre are squaring off inside the store. Abby’s in her room, but when we texted her to ask what was up, she told us to mind our own business and to send you straight inside if we saw you.”

“Great. Well, here I go.”

The crowd parted as I approached. I glanced through the window and my heart sped up at the scene before me. Sam was right. Sterling and Pierre stood facing each other in the middle of the store. Pierre was gesturing wildly, his face full of disappointed anger as he clearly yelled at Sterling who had his arms crossed over his chest, his expression belligerent.

“He doesn’t look so good,” Leah said softly.

“Yeah, well, what can you expect with what he’s been doing to himself,” Haley replied, rolling her eyes.

She wasn’t wrong. Even through the glass, I could see just how much worse he looked since I’d last seen him. He was so pale and his blue eyes, usually so bright and full of life, were so dull and lifeless. Even still, it pissed me off to hear someone shit-talking about Sterling. I turned to face the crowd, my hands on my hips.

“All right, everyone, show’s over. Go get inside before the storm hits,” I said loudly.

I caught Gus’ gaze, and he nodded once in acknowledgment.

“C’mon, y’all. Drinks are on me until the storm passes,” he called out as he started toward The Stardrop.

I waited until the crowd had dispersed before pushing the door open and going inside.

“Sterling!” Pierre barked, his eyes blazing.

“I said I don’t want to hear it!” Sterling answered just as loud as Pierre had been.

Pierre threw his hands up. “For the love of Yoba, get a grip on yourself! You’ve scared away all my customers!”

Sterling scoffed. “Give me a break with your stupid customers! I hope they all fuck off to Joba for all I care! No one fucking cares if the shelves aren’t color coded! This isn’t a fucking chain store!”  He winced and turned his gaze to the floor. “Ugh. Just get off my back already!”

“What is going on in here?” I demanded, trying not to let my emotions get the better of me.

“Can you try talking to this…this…punk!? He shows up to work on something and thinks he can talk back to me! To me!”

My gaze snapped to Sterling’s face. His pupils were pinpoints again and he had that sheen of sweat on his forehead. I was right. He’d somehow gotten his hands on more pills. Fucking great.

“Don’t judge me,” Sterling snapped. “My heart got broken, remember?”

I didn’t take his bait. I just sighed and shook my head.

“Despite the fact that he’s always been like this, I already took a chance on him out of respect for his father,” Pierre continued. “But I was very clear that if he ever got back on anything while at work he was out. I want him out!!”

“You don’t mean that,” I said, keeping my voice even.

“Don’t you worry!” Sterling cried. “I’m leaving!”

He started toward me, his eyes finally meeting mine. I don’t know what he saw in my face, but the anger and belligerence bled out of his expression. A deep-seated sorrow crept into his eyes and his movements grew heavy.

“Sterling…” I whispered, my voice trembling.

“I don’t want your pity,” he said, his voice thick.

“It’s not pity, dork. It’s concern. There’s a difference.”

“I’m just so…I’m…” The weight of everything that he’d been going through over the last month finally got to him. He fell to his knees in front of me, a gut-wrenching sob escaping his lips. “I’m so tired! I’m so tired of this place, this town! I’m so tired of these people! I’m s—”

A clap of thunder so loud that the windows rattled echoed across the valley. We all jumped at the sound.

“And I’m so tired of the Yoba damned rain!! It’s always raining in this town! Can it do anything else? Ugh!” He wrapped his arms around his middle as tears fell down his face. He looked up at me. “I’m so tired, Rosebud. I’m just so tired…of living in my own skin.”

My heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. I knelt on the floor next to him unsure of what I was really doing. I wanted to hold him and dry his tears, whispering that everything would be all right. But did he even want that from me after what I said the other day? I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder. When he didn’t shrug me away, I gave him a reassuring squeeze.

“This stuff always makes me more…on edge. I didn’t…” He covered my hand with one of his and turned to meet my eyes. “I didn’t trade the booze for pills, Rosebud. I swear. The shakes were just getting so bad. Shane…he had some pills leftover from when he’d had dental surgery a few months ago. He said it would help dull the pain and help me get through the worst of the withdrawals.”