Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Arthur stood looking at the battlefield, tired and exhausted. The last battle he would ever be involved in, and one that would go down in history; one he had been a part of. It resembled more like a disaster area, as bodies lay strewn across the plains. Limbs lay scattered for miles to see as Arthur walked amongst the dead, whilst his Knights also succumbed to the atrocities. He too had been injured. A near fatal blow struck near his heart…yet he was still alive. He owed his life to Merlin, for it was he who had warned him what was to happen, and for once in his life he had actually listened.

Not all had died though in the bloody battle. Arthur checked the fallen warriors, Elyan; Lancelot; Leon; Mordred, all gone in one go. He cared very little for his sister Morgana’s body. If it hadn’t been for her, this would never have happened in the first place, and as for Mordred, well it was he who tried to kill him.

Some had survived, Gwaine and Percival were still standing, although cut and badly bleeding. One person was unaccounted for, his loyal and trusted servant. The bravest one of all, although at times you would never have thought it. Not a Knight of the round table, not anything special, just a servant who had joined him on this tragic mission. So where was he now? Alive, dead, injured…no one knew. He hadn’t been seen since the battle started and he wouldn’t have run away…not Merlin.

Arthur continued to search among the bodies. Merlin had to be there surely…but where? His men encouraged him to leave, return to Camelot while there was still light. He couldn’t do that, he wouldn’t do that, not while there was a chance of finding more alive. One last look and then he noticed it, a fallen body in a heap covered in blood. Arthur hadn’t noticed this body before as he stood staring down at it. He didn’t need to turn the body over to see who it was; it was obvious by the clothing that he wore. Looking back at his men; as if seeking consent to go ahead; he turned the body over. The body of a young man stared up at him, his eyes still open. The soul of the body had gone; life extinct. Arthur stood in silence, his knees buckling beneath him, collapsing in horror at the face staring back at him. His loyal servant and his only true friend, Merlin, was dead.

It seemed a long time before Arthur could let go of Merlin’s body, holding him against his chest, tears cascading down his face as he tried to hide it from his men. Life would never be the same again, life without Merlin wouldn’t be worth living. He lay his body back down, kissing his forehead in respect. Arthur placed his fingers over Merlin’s eyes, shutting them permanently for one last time. He covered his body with his cape, protecting him from the elements; that was the least he could do for his friend.

His Knights encouraged him to retreat, go back to Camelot and seek more men for a rescue mission. They couldn’t leave the bodies there; they deserved a decent burial. That would be the one last thing Arthur could do for his men. But go they must, for now at least. Their intention was to return tomorrow, to retrieve the bodies and take them home. However, when they returned, the shock of their lives greeted them. For when they approached the area where Merlin’s body lay, they were greeted with the one thing they could never have foreseen. All that remained was the cape Arthur had placed over him. Merlin’s body had disappeared, gone without a trace of it ever being there in the first place.

Arthur stood in silence, eventually turning to his men. “Tell me I’m dreaming this? This is not happening?” he asked his Knights.

”No, not a dream, definitely not a dream.” Gwaine answered him looking as mortified as Arthur.

”Then what is it? Bodies don’t get up and walk away,” Arthur stated, as he still couldn’t believe his eyes.

”Well, Merlin’s did,” Percival said stating the obvious.

”Not helping, Percival. Really not helping,” Arthur answered him. “We are in the right place. Look, my cape is still there,” he told them as he pointed to it.

”I’m lost for words,” Gwaine said.

”That’ll be a first then,” Percival said looking at him trying not to smile.

”He was actually dead Sire? I mean, you could be wrong.” Gwaine asked him, trying his best to make sense of the unexplained situation.

”I held him…” Arthur said angrily, “…he was definitely dead.”

”Well, unless he has magic…” Percival tried saying.

”I’ve had enough of your suggestions. If you can’t say anything sensible, I suggest you keep your mouth shut.” Arthur said angrily at what Percival was saying, whilst putting him in his place. Arthur looked around searching for evidence of Merlin… there was nothing. He held back his tears. Men of Camelot do not cry in front of others, and he wasn’t going to let his men see his weaker side. “Let’s get home,” he said to his remaining Knights. Walking past Percival, he gave him an angry stare. “One more word from you, and I’ll happily make you one of the fallen,” he said striding past him.

Percival shrugged his shoulders, lifting his hands out, “What?!” he said looking at Gwaine.

”You can be so insensitive at times.”

”And your not?”

”Not today,” Gwaine said angrily. “I might just join Arthur and kill you myself,” he said walking briskly away, before the need to punch him materialised.

The brave men they could not rescue, they honoured with a decent burial. The journey back to Camelot was long and arduous, silence prevailing throughout. Arthur rode alone, not wanting to join in trivial conversation, especially with Percival at this time. Arthur was inconsolable, full of grief and anger. He still couldn’t make sense of what he had just witnessed. “Bodies don’t just disappear,” he said to himself, “they just don’t.”

Gaius watched Arthur from the vesper’s window as the party arrived back at Camelot with the remaining fallen warriors. He stood watching as they lifted the bodies off the horses one by one.

Arthur found Gaius in the corridor, waiting for his arrival. This was to be the one thing in his life that he would gladly have given to someone else. Telling Gaius about Merlin, would not only break his heart, but Gaius’ too.

”Gaius,” Arthur said facing him.

”Merlin?”

Arthur shook his head, “I’m so sorry Gaius.”

”He’s dead?”

”Yes, he was brave to the end,” Arthur told him. He couldn’t be sure, as Merlin had not been seen from the start of the battle.

”You brought him home?”

”No.”

”Are you telling me you left him there?”

“Gaius, can we go and sit down? I think you deserve to know the truth. I need to tell you what happened.”

”I think you’d better,” Gaius said distraught and upset.

Arthur walked in silence with Gaius too his private chambers. Ushering Gaius to sit, he took in a deep breath, fighting back the tears. Pulling up a chair, he sat beside him, taking hold of his hand; something that he wouldn’t have done before.

”Just tell me, please,” Gaius pleaded.

”I will. But are you sure you want to hear everything?”

”Merlin was like a son I never had, Arthur. I want to know his final hours on this earth.”

”Well, as you know, initially Merlin was not there. I did wonder why he had backed out so suddenly, but as the battle started, he just appeared from nowhere. We were being hounded from the right side, so I sent, well ordered actually, Merlin to go to the left. It wouldn’t be so bad from that side, and I could handle the right side easily with my men. Merlin insisted he could handle himself, and before I could do anything, Merlin ran into the battle. That was the last time I saw him alive…”

Gaius sat with bated breath, “Go on,” he said.

”We lost most of my Knights. We searched well into the night for the fallen. Merlin’s body was the last to be found. I held him in my arms as he stared up at me…”

”He was still alive then?”

”No. He had died, but his eyes remained open. I laid him back down, closed his eyes and covered him with my cape. We left the fallen overnight and came back home to gather more men. That’s why I didn’t say anything to you at that time. Something I will regret for the rest of my life now. When we went back the following day…” Arthur stopped himself mid-sentence.

”What?” Gaius said, knowing full well it was something he didn’t want to hear.

”…Merlin’s body had gone. It was as if he was never really there. I can’t explain it Gaius. I’m baffled as the rest of them.”

”You were hurt as well by the look of it,” Gaius said noticing Arthur bleeding from his wound.

”It’s nothing compared to the dead.”

”You must let me look at you.”

”No, Gaius. You need to grieve like the rest of us.”

”Arthur, I’m a physician first, that is my duty. Now go and lie down on the bed and let me take a look.” Gaius rose from his chair, beckoning Arthur to go and lie down.

Arthur reluctantly made his way to his bed. Disobeying Gaius now would be considered an insult. He sat himself down, lifting his shirt up past his chest. Flinching with pain now, as it began to set in, he allowed Gaius to lay his hands on his wound. He grimaced in discomfort as he took in a deep breath, finding it hard to do so. Looking into Gaius’ eyes, he could tell his injury was far worse than he was admitting. Arthur didn’t care, if death was his punishment, he would gladly except it. Why did he survive when others perished? Why did Merlin die and not him?

”Sire,” Gaius said interrupting Arthur’s deep thoughts.

”How bad?”

”The blade entered near your heart, but didn’t pierce it or you would be dead.”

”Pity it didn’t.”

”You don’t mean that.”

”Don’t I. It’s an easy solution for us all.”

”You are the King. You have a duty,” Gaius said trying to convince Arthur, but to no avail.

”What’s the point of living, if everything you value, everything you care for, is taken away.”

”You mean your parents?”

”And Merlin,” Arthur answered, bowing his head to hide his tears.

”Yes, and Merlin. I miss him too, Arthur. There will never be another like him again.”

”No, there won’t…” Arthur was interrupted with a knock on the door. He quickly pulled down his shirt to hide his wound from whoever was about to enter.

”Sire,” Gwaine said entering the room with Percival.

”What can I do for you” Arthur asked.

”Just to let you know, that we have placed the bodies in the council chamber.”

”Very well, thank you. Have someone stand guard outside overnight. I don’t care who.”

”Sire?” Gwaine asked confused.

”They at least deserve that from us.”

Gaius stood listening, watching, animosity growing. “Are you two injured as well?” he asked them.

”Nothing we can’t fix ourselves. Just another battle scar, no big deal.” Gwaine tried his best not to bother Gaius at this moment in time.

”I will be the judge of that. The pair of you go to my chambers and I will meet you there. If you need treatment, I will give it,” Gaius said assertively.

Arthur, aware of Gaius’ tone simply nodded to his men, mouthing the words, “Do it,” out of Gaius’ view.

”Very well, if you insist,” Gwaine answered.

”I do,” Gaius replied firmly.

The Knights left heading to Gaius’ chambers, as he himself continued with his duties once more.

“I can stitch the wound My Lord, but it may never fully heal.”

”Do whatever it takes. I can live with it,” Arthur answered him.

Gaius reached in his medical bag, which fortunately he had brought with him. Grabbing needle and thread, he painfully stitched up Arthur’s wound, carefully and with precision.

Gwaine and Percival entered the chambers, awaiting Gaius’ arrival. The last time they had been there, Merlin was alive, now he was gone and never coming back. Neither of them said a word, but they felt it, the saddened feeling of grief that would never be the same again.

“I’m finished My Lord,” Gaius said watching as tears fell down Arthur’s face, unsure if it was tears of pain or tears of grief. “You should rest for a while now. Would you like me to send over some pain relief?”

”No. I can take the pain, but thank you anyway.”

”Don’t be such a martyr Arthur.”

”It’s fine. If it gets too bad, I will send a guard to get some.”

”Well, I will be going now then. I have two more patients to probably stitch up,” Gaius said leaving for his chambers, determined to keep busy to fend off the overwhelming grief raging through his body.

Gaius walked slowly back to see Gwaine and Percival. He was unsure how he would cope from now on without Merlin. It was as if Merlin had always been there, but it had only been a few years since he had arrived. Taking in a deep breath, acting professionally, he entered through his chamber door. “Right you lot, who wants to go first?” he asked them both as they acted like they didn’t hear him. “No volunteers? Right Percival, you’re first.”

”What?! Why me?” Percival said alarmed.

”Because someone has to be first, and I’m choosing you,” Gaius said taking no nonsense.

Gwaine nudged Percival’s arm, encouraging him to step forward. “Go on then,” he said.

Percival stepped forward. As brave as he was, it still concerned him having stitches put in. Gaius made it look easy, causing less discomfort as possible. He did the same for Gwaine, with less treatment required. Both sat in silence…dare they say anything? Would they be able to talk to Gaius without upsetting him?

”We are so sorry Gaius,” Percival said walking up to him, placing his arm around his shoulder in comfort.

”I know, it isn’t your fault. It just seems so unfair. Merlin had much more to achieve in his life. He shouldn’t have died yet, it’s too soon.”

”He will be well remembered from all of us. I know, I’m going to miss him deeply,” Gwaine said sadly as tears welled his eyes.

”I think you both better go, before you have me in tears.”

”Take care, you know where we are if you need anything,” Percival added softly from such a well-built man.

”I do, and thank you,” Gaius said.

Night time was fast approaching. The day had gone by so fast…too fast. Gaius had avoided entering Merlin’s room during the day, but he felt the need to go in there as the nightmare continued. He took a slow walk up the the stone steps, plucking up the courage to enter through the door. The bed was made neatly, the last thing Merlin had done in his room. He sat down on the bed, feeling the blanket Merlin had touched beneath his hand. He then tidied the room placing Merlin’s clothes neatly folded on the bed, then he hid his magical items out of sight of prying eyes. Discovering a book he hadn’t known existed, he sat down and started to read it. It contained Merlin’s adventures with Arthur, graphic details of his magic. The more he read, the more he discovered. He could no longer hide his grief as the tears started to flow down his cheeks.

The log fire crackled and hissed as Arthur stood looking out of his chamber window. Watching the courtyard below, there was an eerie silence. It was dead, Camelot was dead. Most of the courtiers and villagers would have died in the battle as well. Arthur couldn’t keep tally on all of them. They had all willingly volunteered to fight for Camelot and their King. He saw the fire in the reflection of the mirror, warm and comforting. The only lights emanating the room, beside the fire light, were some candles scattered around in certain positions, giving comfort to Arthur. Looking at the reflection from the mirror, Arthur convinced himself he saw a shadow of a person, an unexplained image of Merlin. Was Merlin really there with him in the room? Or was it just his imagination playing tricks on him? Alone and dissillusioned as darkness descended even further, he gave way to his feelings, his anger and sadness overwhelming him as the tears flowed freely down his face like a cascading waterfall.

Arthur composed himself after the brief breakdown, headed for his chamber door, ordering the guards to sound the bell to ‘toll’ all night for the fallen. It was far to quiet for Arthur, and he felt it would be a mark of respect. He had eaten very little, despite food being sent to his room, but he had drunk some wine for emotional support. Not that had really helped him. He began feeling tired as his eyelids became heavier. Had the wine given him that feeling? Eventually giving into his feelings, he took himself off to bed as is eyelids closed faster than he thought. But he began to dream, then the dream turned into a living nightmare. “Mer-lin,” he screamed loudly as he visualised him running into the battlefield. “No!…” he yelled opening his eyes, bolting upright as the sweat ran down from his forehead. A figure of a young man appeared in front of him.

”Hello Arthur,” the figure said calmly.

”Merlin?” Arthur shouted regretting having sat bolt upright so quickly.

”Yes.”

Arthur was aghast as he tried to rub his eyes back into focus. “This isn’t happening,” he said confused.

”But it is happening, Arthur.”

”Why are you here, Merlin?”

”I am your imagination.”

”No. You’re not real. You’re dead, or at least I thought you were dead.”

”I’m as real as you want me to be. I am spiritual, caught between reality and the afterlife,” Merlin told him softly.

”Why?” Arthur asked needing to know.

”Because of you Arthur. You need to let me go.”

”This is not happening,” Arthur said one again. He was more confused than ever now, but at the same time pleased to see Merlin once more. He couldn’t blame it on strong pain relief as he hadn’t had any so far.

Merlin stood in the room feeling Arthur’s pain. “I died for you Arthur, so that you could live. I was happy to die for you.”

”And I am grateful, but you shouldn’t have done that for me.”

”It was my destiny to protect you Arthur. Whenever you reach out to me, I will do all that I can. I will be by your side until the day it is your turn to depart this earth. I will be your guide to be the greatest of Kings and unite Albion for evermore.”

”Now I know I’m going mad.”

”Are you sure about that Arthur? I know you’re a clotpole and a prat but…”

”God it is really you, isn’t it?” Arthur said closing his eyes for a mere second. But sadly it was long enough for Merlin to disappear once more. As Arthur’s eyes re-focused he couldn’t see Merlin anywhere. “No, come back Merlin…Merlin!” he screamed at the top of his voice searching the room for any evidence of his friend.

A guard entered his room on hearing his King yelling, causing a disturbance. “Fetch Gaius,” he ordered to the other guard seeing his King in such distress. “My Lord, are you alright?” he asked knowing full well his King was far from being alright.

”Merlin was here. Did you see him leave? Tell me you saw him for yourself,” Arthur said as the beads of sweat increased over his brow. The pain set in through his body and he shook uncontrollably. Sitting himself down, his elbows resting on the table, the look of bewilderment was clearly noted. “What the hell is happening to me?” he said as his body went into shock.

Gaius was unsettled, he was far too upset to even contemplate sleeping. The knock on his door at an ungodly hour was an actual welcome distraction. It could only mean one thing; Arthur needed help.

”Sorry to disturb you so late, Gaius. I think you should come and see the King,” the guard asked urgently.

”What’s wrong?” Gaius asked as if he didn’t know.

”The King is screaming out for Merlin. He has said he was in the room with him.”

”Ah, right. I see,” Gaius said not totally surprised. Their bond between each other was unbreakable. “I will be along shortly. Let me gather my medical provisions first,” he said grabbing the things he would require.

Arthur was still sitting at the table, having not moved since the incident, as Gaius entered the room. Arthur’s eyes were red and swollen with all the tears, and his head was still buried in his hands. Crying was good, but the consequences meant such a pounding headache.

”Sire?” Gaius said apprehensive as he approached cautiously.

Arthur lifted his head into view. He looked and felt like absolute shit. “Why am I not dead? Do you have an actual answer for that?” he asked still unsure how he had survived.

”Sorry Sire? I’m not sure I understand?”

”Why am I not dead?”

”Because it is not your time.”

”Oh, and it was Merlin’s time?”

”Merlin would have done anything to keep you safe, Arthur. Even committing the ultimate sacrifice if he had too,” Gaius said sitting himself down next to him.

”Well, he shouldn’t have to do that.”

”Merlin is more special than you could ever realise.”

”Yes. I’m beginning to see that for myself now actually.”

”I have something for you to take. It will help with the pain and discomfort.”

”Physically or emotionally?” Arthur asked curiously.

”Both.”

”Well, I don’t want it.”

”I’m not telling you to take it, Arthur. I’m ordering you to take it,” Gaius said being assertive.

”I’m still the King…Gaius. You can’t order me to do anything.”

”Well, I’m the physician, and what I say goes. Now take it before I pour it down your throat,” Gaius said handing him a vial of medicine.

”You wouldn’t dare?” Arthur said with a slight smile breaking through. He noticed Gaius’ stern expression. “You would, wouldn’t you.”

”Oh I definitely would. I’ve had to do that to Merlin before. You’re no different. Now, I think you should go back to bed.”

”Do you think I actually saw Merlin? It didn’t seem as though I imagined it,” Arthur said making his way over to the bed.

”Truthfully Sire, I think you probably did see him. He would never leave you.”

”That is actually a comfort to me,” Arthur replied climbing into bed and downing the medicine. He pulled a face of disgust, just like how Merlin used too.

”Get a good night’s sleep and we will talk tomorrow,” Gaius said contented at the thought of Merlin’s power being able to come back from the dead.

Chapter Text

Despite everything, Arthur slept well after the incident. Contented now he had seen Merlin again, but confused as to how that could have even happened in the first place. He rose early to see George standing in front of him.

”Morning, My Lord.” George said being official. He was more pompous and upper crust than Merlin. Totally different in character and mannerism.

”What?! Oh, yes, good morning,” Arthur said bluntly and slightly blurry eyed. How could it be a good morning after what had happened yesterday.

”Your breakfast is ready. It’s on the table for you. Do you require anything else this morning?” George asked.

Arthur wanted to say he needed Merlin back with him as his servant…not George. There was nothing wrong with George, he just wasn’t Merlin. There was only ever to be one Merlin. The supercilious irresponsible idiot was just irreplaceable. “I will need my armour cleaning after yesterday,” he found himself saying without hesitation.

”Sire?” George replied confused with a blank expression that matched.

”I don’t think that was a difficult statement…do you?” Arthur replied sternly as he made his way to the table.

”But…” George remained standing his ground, the confusion even more so.

”But what?” Arthur retorted.

”But your armour is already cleaned and ready when I saw it this morning.”

”You have already done it. How presumptuous of you.”

”No Sire. It wasn’t me.”

”What?!” Arthur answered dumbfounded. “How can this be?”

”I am unsure, Sire.”

”Leave me alone now,” Arthur ordered. He couldn’t comprehend what George had just told him. If he didn’t clean the armour, then who did? Sitting alone and in silence, he started eating for the first time since the battle. It was only then, that he realised how famished he really was as he tucked eagerly into the breakfast George had brought him.

Gwaine knocked on Arthur’s door, waiting for approval to enter. Arthur decided to stand and open the door, rather than yell to come in.

”Gwaine. What can I do for you at this time. I am in the middle of my breakfast.”

”May I have a word, Sire?”

”About what? Can this not wait?”

”Technically it could. But I need to say this whilst I can. It’s about yesterday.”

”I really don’t want to bring that subject up again. It’s over now, let it be,” Arthur said sitting himself down on the bed.

”Hear me out before you jump to conclusions.” Gwaine said assertively, taking a risk speaking out of term in front of his sovereign.

”I beg your pardon,” Arthur said sternly.

”Please, Sire…”

”Well, go on then. I’m listening,” Arthur replied getting more frustrated. He didn’t have time for this.

”I started thinking last night, not being able to sleep and all that, and I thought about Merlin’s disappearance. What if…and it’s only what if mind you, that someone did move his body.”

”Why would they. That’s a preposterous idea.”

”Is it? If he was dead, he couldn’t have actually walked away now, could he?”

”Not this again,” Arthur said sighing heavily. “Next, you’re going to tell me Merlin has magic, just like Percival said.” He noticed Gwaine about to say something, “Don’t even think about agreeing with that idea. You know what happened to him when he said that. I’ve had half a mind to strip him of his knighthood.”

”Really?” Gwaine said surprised, wandering if he should even mention his next idea. “Only, I was just thinking about riding out again to see if we can find Merlin’s body in a different place.”

Arthur’s look was aghast. “You want to do what!” 

“Sire…”

”No Gwaine. After last night, I really don’t think you will find Merlin’s body at Camlann. You obviously heard what happened last night?”

”Um…yes we all have.”

”Well, luckily it was only a dream. More like a nightmare actually. Either that or my imagination is playing overtime in my mind. It seems I can’t let go, or so I’ve been told.”

”Well, in that case…” Gwaine began saying, then hesitantly stopping before regretting his words.

”Why hasn’t Percival come with you?” Arthur asked quickly changing the subject.

”He’s avoiding you, Sire. Especially after the incident yesterday.”

”I was angry then. More like furious actually. Anyway, tell him from me, I’m sorry and not to worry about that now.”

”What…” Gwaine paused, swallowing hard. “What do you wish to do with the remaining bodies, Arthur?”

”We will arrange for a funeral pyre tomorrow. Those that wish to pay their last respects, may do so today. I’ll let you organise that.”

”Very well, if that is your wishes,” Gwaine said about to leave.

”Gwaine…” Arthur said, “thank you,” he told him as Gwen entered the room.

”Guinevere, I’m so sorry. I forgot all about you. How are you doing after losing your brother Elyan?”

”Not good if I’m being honest.” Gwen was distraught and rightly so. She had lost her father, now her only brother.

Arthur moved towards her, giving her a comforting hug. A King doing that to a servant was unheard of. But Gwen had always been special to Arthur and always would be.  “It will be alright, I promise you that,” he told her reassuringly. “There will always be a place for you here in Camelot,” he said reassuringly.

”Arthur…” she said pulling away to face her King. “I heard Merlin…”

”Was dead?” Arthur finished her sentence. “Yes, sadly he is.”

”Oh God, how many more have died?”

”Too many, if I’m being honest.”

”Are you okay?” 

Arthur lifted his shirt, showing Gwen his battle wound hidden under Gaius’ neat dressing.

Gwen placed her hand carefully over the area, gently touching it as Arthur automatically flinched in discomfort. “Sorry,” she said alarmed, “am I hurting you?”

Arthur shook his head. “It’s fine…really. Gaius has given me some pain relief, which is helping. Now I know why Merlin often used to grimace in disgust every time he was given some. It was pretty horrendous,” Arthur said smiling at Merlin’s often turned up nose. “I’m going to visit Gaius in a minute. He wanted to see me again this morning.”

”Then I will not keep you. I’ll be on my way. Take care of yourself Arthur. You’re our King. Nothing must happen to you.” Gwen kissed Arthur’s soft cheek, taking him by surprise. “I will see you later,” she said before leaving.

The only way Gaius could cope with his grief, was to remain busy taking medication to the villagers. He had forgotten about Arthur coming that morning to see him.

Arthur walked gingerly, holding his wound as he made his way towards Gaius’ chambers. He felt an overwhelming sadness as he entered; Gaius was not there. He felt a necessity to go to Merlin’s bedroom, as if it would somehow give him some comfort, but instead it gave if an overwhelming sadness. He half expected the room to be a total mess, with Merlin’s belongings strewn all over the place. That’s how he often discovered Merlin’s room most of the time. He often told Merlin to use the cupboard provided, but oh no, not Merlin. Arthur chuckled at those moments. This time Merlin’s clothes were neatly folded on the bed, with his personal belongings laid preciously in prime positions. This had to be Gaius’ doing he thought to himself. Sitting himself on the bed, his hand went instinctively towards Merlin’s clothes. He jumped slightly as an emanating feeling surged through his body. Was Merlin still there with him? The sound of the door opening as Gaius entered broke Arthur’s connection with Merlin. He stepped out of the room to greet him.

”Hope you don’t mind that I came in with you not being here?” Arthur asked out of courtesy.

”You were in Merlin’s room?” Gaius said as if the bedroom was off limits even to the King.

”Yes. I needed to go in there. It was as if…” Arthur began saying,” It sounds strange, but I felt Merlin was calling me.” Arthur looked at Gaius’ reaction. There wasn’t one. It was as if he had experienced it for himself as well.

”Arthur,” Gaius replied not reacting to the last statement, “come and sit down. I would like to talk to you. I have something to tell you,” Gaius said sitting himself down in preparation for what he was about to tell the King.

Arthur pulled up a chair, sitting himself down next to the old physician. He could tell he looked drawn and more haggard than usual. “I’m listening,” he said simply, not elaborating on the statement Gaius had just said.

”Are you okay this morning? Does your dressing need changing?”

”Yes, Gaius. It’s fine. Don’t change the subject.”

”I want, no actually, I need to tell you a story. I want, need even, for you to just listen and not interrupt me.”

”Very well,” Arthur said, his interest captivated.

Gaius composed himself, ready to tell Arthur what he was about to say. This wouldn’t be easy. “Many years ago,” he started to say noting Arthur’s face deep in focus staring intently at him. “Many years ago, a baby boy was born to a local village woman. The boy was thought to be nothing special. That was until he reached his third birthday. Suddenly everything changed. His mother noticed something special about her son. He could move objects with just the power of his mind. As he grew, he used his powers mainly for fun. But with magic outlawed, his mother became increasingly worried for his safety. When the boy reached his seventeenth birthday, he was sent away for his own safety. In order to protect him from Cenred’s men, his mother sent him to stay with a friend of hers. This person was hopefully going to guide him with his magic. The young lad had a destiny. A burden so great on his shoulders is was overwhelming for him. As time moved on, he was told his destiny was to protect and guide this person to become the greatest person they could possibly be. Yes, okay he was always clumsy, but that was an act to hide his true self. The more time moved on over the years, the more powerful he became. He was to become the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth. He had his own name, but to the Druids he was Emrys.

Arthur sat forward eagerly. “Do I know this sorcerer? It sounds as if I do.”

”Yes, Arthur, you do. He has been in the heart of Camelot for several years now.”

”A sorcerer in Camelot?!” Arthur anger showed immediately. How could he have never known, he thought to himself.

”Sire, the sorcerer’s mother came from the village Ealdor, and she was called…”

”Hunith,” Arthur said gradually connecting the pieces of the puzzle together.

”Yes. So you see the sorcerer was called…”

”Merlin!” Arthur retorted angrily. He felt instant betrayal from not only Merlin, but from Gaius as well.

”Don’t judge him Arthur. Nor me come to that. There was a lot you never got told. He did so much for you, more than you will ever know. He saved your life and your family’s life on more than one occasion. He never once sought recognition for it. He even allowed others to take the credit. That isn’t bad magic, that is the good side of it. Don’t taint his name. Not now he is dead. He doesn’t deserve that from you or anyone.”

”Why did he never tell me?”

”How could he? He couldn’t say anything because he feared the consequences and what you, or Uther would have done to him.”

”Then why did he not appear initially at the beginning of the battle?”

”The night before the battle, you were all down the Tavern.”

”Where Merlin won all my money. I suppose now he used magic to win.”

”Knowing Merlin, he probably did,” Gaius said smiling at the thought of Merlin up to his mischievous tricks again.

”We had a good laugh that night, before we knew what was about to happen.” Arthur’s memory played back images of Merlin winning the money. His laughter, his smile, his beautiful blue eyes…

”Well, when Merlin came home, he was attacked in his room. He was to drunk to fight off a creature that Morgana had planted. One can only assume that Mordred told her that he was Emrys.”

”Mordred knew all about Merlin?”

”Yes, he always knew his secret. Mordred was a Druid with magical powers himself. Merlin kept his secret, but Mordred betrayed his. Anyway, the creature stripped Merlin of all his powers. He had his magic taken away from him. He was so upset and mortified. That escalated when you mentioned about Camlann. You see with Merlin’s prophecy, he always knew this battle would take place. He knew you were supposed to die in this battle. Without his magic, he knew he couldn’t protect you. He had no choice other than to go to a place where he could get his magic back. I take it, it worked, because he joined you in battle afterwards.”

”So, what are you saying? That he sacrificed his life for mine?”

”I think so. I know you are angry, but before you cast any judgment, you must see this first,” Gaius said heading for Merlin’s room. Arthur followed close behind into Merlin’s room. Gaius struggled to bend down and pick up a book from underneath the bed. He nodded at Arthur as he handed it over to him.

”What’s this then?” Arthur asked curiously as he took it from Gaius’ hands.

”It’s a detailed journal of Merlin’s adventures with you. Details of what he had to do to protect you. I never knew it existed. I’ve read it. I think it would be a really good idea for you to read it before you judge him.”

”I’m not sure I am ready to read this, or even except it.”

”You are not your father; you are merely your father’s son. Uther had hatred in his soul. I don’t think you are like that. You have your mother’s personality, your mother’s soul. Do what you feel is right, not what Uther would do. Remember one thing though whilst considering what to do. Merlin was and always will be your friend. It would be wise to remember that Arthur.”

Arthur took the journal and headed straight back to his chambers. Three simple words played continuously in his mind, “Merlin has magic!” How was that even possible? More importantly, how did he never know? The most clumsy idiot and servant he had ever known was the greatest sorcerer to walk the earth. The sentence didn’t even fit with Merlin’s description. Was Merlin so afraid of what he would do to him that he couldn’t even tell him? The overwhelming urge to read the book was overtaken by his anger. There was no way he could even contemplate reading the journal at this present time. Pouring himself a drink, he sat himself down at the table. His hand automatically drew the book towards him.

”Are you not going to read it Arthur?”

Arthur heard a voice he recognised as he looked up to see his friend standing there once more. “Merlin…why did you never tell me?” he asked as tears of anger filled his eyes.

”You know why. You would’ve probably had me killed. Id’ve prefer to stay alive.

”You don’t know that for certain. And anyway, why have you come back again?”

”You have been thinking about me again…haven’t you?”

”I miss you too damn much, Merlin. Why did you sacrifice yourself for me?”

”There was no other choice. It was me or you, and God knows I’ve tried on many occasions to sacrifice myself for your protection. Somehow though, it never really turned out quite how I planned it.”

Arthur snorted a laugh, “When…how even?”

”Read the damn book Arthur. All will become clear to you then.”

”All this time, you’ve been doing this for me?”

”Yes.”

”Why?”

”It has been written long before either of us were even born, Arthur. We both have a destiny. You’re to become the greatest King, and I as your protector would become the greatest sorcerer. Neither of us had a say in the matter. Effectively, we were chosen for this role.”

”I don’t know if I believe that.”

”The people believe in you Arthur. But it counts for nothing, if you don’t believe in yourself.”

Arthur looked at Merlin, his pain, his anguish clearly noted. “Merlin, I can see now how physically and emotionally hurt I’ve made you feel. Despite all the hurt and knockdowns, you still put others first. You did all that to protect me. You were a loyal and true friend.”

”And you now only realise this. There was enough evidence over the years, yet you chose to ignore it,” Merlin said frustrated.

”I am sorry Merlin.” Arthur’s tears began to flow freely down his face. “You are my hero.”

”Don’t she’d your tears for me. No man is worth a person’s tears, you told me that.”

”And I was obviously wrong.”

”As a King, Arthur, you were wrong on numerous occasions.”

”Merlin…I would give anything to touch you, hold you again.”

”And when the time is right, you will get that chance. But for now, it can never be.”

”Are you saying when I die?”

”You may have a serious injury, Arthur, but I can promise you this, it won’t kill you yet. You have a life to fill. You must marry and become a father.”

”You don’t know that will happen.”

”Oh, I do know Arthur. And the woman you will marry lies here in the heart of Camelot.”

”Who?” Arthur asked bewildered.

”I’m not going to tell you that answer. You must discover true love for yourself Arthur.”

Arthur sat back in his chair, inhaling a deep breath, which was regretted immediately. It hurt like bloody hell. “Surely you…” he started to say, only to discover Merlin no longer there. “Oh great, you always disappear when I need to talk to you.” Arthur said out loud, as if Merlin would hear him. Pulling the book towards himself, which Gaius had said to read before judging Merlin, and even Merlin himself had urged him to do, he opened the book and started reading.

’My first day here in Camelot didn’t go quite as planned. Gaius wasn’t actually ready for me when I arrived, and I think if I’m honest, I caught him off guard. Never mind. I had to use my magic instantly to prevent Gaius’ fall. He was absolutely furious with me. Warning me not to do anything like that again in front of others. Then I encountered a pompous arrogant person in the courtyard. He was throwing knives at this young lad whilst he held a board in front of him. All he did was laugh at him. I consider that bullying…and I don’t like bullies. I tried to warn him off, but all he did was back answer me. I soon discovered that not only was he arrogant, but he turned out to be the King’s son…Prince Arthur. What did I get out of all this? Only placed in the cells and then in the stocks.’

‘Could things get any worse? Arthur has challenged me to a fight. Little does he know, I have great powers. I could have won easily against him. I did secretly use my magic against him. Boy did that feel good. Watching that pompous ass suffer for a change, was my greatest pleasure. Then Gaius turned up and Arthur beat the living daylights out of me.’

’Attended a banquet with Gaius. Someone was using magic to kill the King and Arthur. I could feel the power within me. I managed to cast a spell to stop it, bringing a chandelier down on top of the person casting the spell. Then when a knife was thrown towards Arthur, I slowed down time and pulled Arthur to safety. The King made me Arthur’s permanent man servant, much to our mutual disgust. Like I wanted that honour. Never mind, this was to be the start of Merlin’s and Arthur’s adventures.’

Arthur took another deep breath. The damn wound was causing him so much pain. He felt compelled to read on as he turned over a page.

‘Arthur was shot in the back with an arrow. I told him nothing ever comes out good in the Valley Of The Fallen Kings. But oh no, he had to go in there. I did everything in my power to heal him. But sadly his injury became worse. He fell unconscious, which gave me a chance to use my magic without his knowledge. Sadly, at that time my magic was not powerful enough. Not advanced enough to complete the healing. A Talisman came to my aid. Somehow he knew who I was. He called me Emrys. He was the one that healed Arthur whilst he slept. Meanwhile, I was taken to a cave full of crystals. Apparently it is the birthplace of magic itself. I was shown things I never wanted to experience. The future in the crystals was there for me to see. I knew what would happen to Arthur. His death was predicted and I dreaded the day it would come to pass.’

Arthur lost track of time; he couldn’t believe just what Merlin had carried out for him over the years. Compelled, he turned to the final page, afraid to read the last entry, but he knew he had too.

’Good night last night with Arthur down the Tavern. I used my magic to win all the money. He is so naive at times, it’s so easy to fool him. I lost my magic when I returned; without my magic I am nothing. I can’t protect Arthur if anything happens.’

’Morgana has declared war and it is to take place at Camlann. This is where the prophecy says Arthur will meet his end. I can’t help him now, especially if I don’t regain my magic in time. I won’t be able to save him. I will need to sacrifice myself in-order that Arthur may live. If I can’t have magic…I might as well die.’

Arthur closed the book as he broke down in tears. He couldn’t read any further. He couldn’t read about Merlin’s ultimate sacrifice that he did for him. Merlin was dead. And all because of him. This was the last straw for Arthur. His anger grew, raging within himself. He wasn’t angry now because Merlin was a sorcerer. He was angry because he gave his life for him.

Chapter Text

A new day dawned over Camelot, and things appeared to come back to life in the village. But not for Arthur, not after what he had read the previous night. He was up and dressed early. Something that he had to take charge of with no Merlin to help from now on. Yes of course there was George. But George versus Merlin, there was no comparison, no contest. Merlin would win every time. So, from that moment onward he would do things for himself. God knows how many times Merlin had tried to get him more independent, guess after all he achieved his goal. Grabbing hold of the journal closely to his chest, he headed to Gaius’ chambers. There was undoubtedly more questions, more answers to find out.

Gaius sat alone at the breakfast table. He unknowingly had set a place for Merlin. Just something he did without even thinking. It was so instinctive. Yes, he knew he was never coming back, but he did it anyway. It was such a strange feeling not hearing the banter of Merlin’s moaning and groaning about his duties. He himself had very little sleep. His mind was constantly thinking of the young warlock that had come into his life and made it a much brighter one. The opening of his chamber door brought him back to the present.

”Gaius, can we talk again?” Arthur said needing to know about Merlin’s journal from a slightly different aspect.

”Forgive me for not standing Sire. I’m a little tired this morning.”

”That’s fine,” Arthur replied not really expecting an old man of his age to stand on ceremony in his presence. “I have questions about this book. I was hoping you could help me clarify somethings.” Arthur continued placing the book on the table next to Gaius as he sat himself down next to him.

”You read it then?” Gaius said surprised, considering Arthur said he wouldn’t read it so soon.

”Yes. Although if I’m honest, I wish I hadn’t.”

”So why did you then?”

”Because…Merlin told me too.”

”You saw him again then?”

”Last night. When I returned to my chamber, he appeared again, telling me to read the book and all would become clear.”

”And did it?”

”Well, I know what Merlin is now…or should I say was. He was more than magic itself. More powerful than anything on this earth. He was special. A very special person, whom I’m pleased to have called my friend.”

”But?”

”But what?” Arthur asked confused.

”Arthur, there is something more, isn’t there? Something you’ve not asking?”

”One of the entries he talks about mentions a dragon. It sounded as if he was able to talk to it. Is that right?”

”Yes, that is right. He had the ability to talk and control dragons and creatures of that similarity.”

”How?…”

”He became a Dragonlord after the death of his father. The power is handed down from father to son. Before Merlin’s father died, he told him of the ability that was to become his rightful inheritance.”

”Dragonlord? Well, he didn’t actually mention that part in the book.”

”That’s because to him that was sacred oath. Do you remember when the dragon escaped and then was attacking Camelot?”

”Yes. Merlin mentioned that bit.”

”What he didn’t mention was that it was he who set the dragon free. His magic broke the chain that bound Kilgharrah.”

”He set him free?”

”Yes he did. It was his duty to protect and free him,” Gaius said sitting forward having captured Arthur’s attention. “It was also Merlin who sent the dragon away after he attacked Camelot. It was the first time he used his Dragonlord powers. You know when you and Merlin set off to find the then Dragonlord?”

”Yes, only too well.”

”Well, just as Merlin was about to leave, I revealed to him that the man, Balinor, you were seeking, was actually his father.”

”That explains why he cried when Balinor died in his arms.”

”Yes. To just find out who your father was and then lose him so soon after…well that was something Merlin could never come to terms with.”

”If I’d only known. I would have…”

”You would have what, Arthur?” Gaius said slightly more assertive than usual. “You would have treated him differently? I very much doubt that. If you had known, it may not have happened in the first place because Merlin probably would have been executed from the start.”

Arthur couldn’t answer that statement. He couldn’t answer because Gaius was right. Merlin would have been executed without question from his father. “Who else knew Merlin had magic? He couldn’t have hid it from everyone.”

”Well, he tried his best to contain his secret. Beside his parents and myself, there was of cause Mordred and all of the Druids. Some guests from time to time found out simply because he used magic against them to protect you. Then there was one other. One who vowed to keep his secret without question.”

”Can I asked who that was?”

”Lancelot.”

”Lancelot?! How did he find out?”

”Purely by chance. He overheard Merlin casting a spell against the griffin. Remember when you were knocked out and you woke to discover Lancelot had killed the griffin?”

”Yes I remember that. Merlin mentioned that in the book also.”

”Yes, well, Merlin was the one that was responsible for the griffins death. Lancelot heard him enchant a spell and told him afterwards that he knew what he had done. Of course, Merlin denied it at first, but then admitted it. Lancelot only knew he had magic, not who he really was.”

”And Lancelot never revealed his secret.”

”No. Why would he? He was his friend and promised never to tell anyone. That was one of the reasons why Lancelot sacrificed himself to stop Merlin doing it when he tried to sacrifice himself for you. Merlin needed to live to protect you.”

”He was loyal to him. I heard Lancelot say once, that Merlin was the bravest one of all. He always thought he should have been given a knighthood. Now I know the reason why.”

”I very much doubt that Merlin would have accepted a knighthood if it was offered to him on a plate. That wasn’t what he was all about. His magic itself was far greater than being knighted. His magic was his knighthood. He was a King in his own right. King of magic and sorcery.”

”Changing the subject for a moment…” Arthur hesitated, wondering how to proceed with such a delicate matter.

”I think I know what you are going to say,” Gaius said reluctantly.

”What then?” Arthur asked carefully.

”Merlin’s funeral.”

”Sadly, yes. We have no body and we probably never will. So, how do you want to proceed with this?”

”What are you doing with the other bodies?”

”We will light a funeral pyre later today. We will say a few words then…”

”Please stop!” Gaius voice raised higher than normal.

”Gaius?” Arthur halted. This was far to upsetting for Gaius to deal with.

”I can’t deal with this. Not at this moment in time.”

”Neither can I. But sadly I have no choice. They were my Knights and I led them to their deaths.”

”No!” Gaius shouted, startling Arthur. “Morgana sent them to their deaths…not you.”

”I was wandering…” Arthur said visibly shaken and upset, “if we all could go back to Ealdor to have a send off for Merlin.”

Gaius eyes widened. “That would be kind of you. But like you have said, there is no body.”

”Merlin’s mother doesn’t actually know yet…about her son’s death I mean.”

”She doesn’t know? Why haven’t you sent word yet?”

”Because, I was actually hoping to find his body first, before telling her. She at least deserves to have her son returned back home. It is where he belongs.”

”Well, you won’t be doing that today anyway. So, we can think about that later. Concentrate on today’s funerals, and then we can talk about Merlin after that is over,” Gaius said trying to remain strong, but weakening at the thought of it.

”Did you wish to view them also, before we move them to the pyre?”

Gaius shook his head. The very thought of seeing the bodies brought back home without Merlin amongst them, was simply to much too even contemplate.

”Very well then, I will let you know when we are ready to proceed. You will come Gaius…won’t you?”

”Yes, of course I will. If nothing else, they were Merlin’s friends, and I will obviously respect that.”

”Thank you,” Arthur said placing his hand on Gaius’ shoulder. He was half expecting Gaius to push it away, but instead, he grabbed it squeezing it gently. Arthur stood himself up, nodded to the old man, and then left him alone.

Arthur took a long slow walk back to his council chambers. He had so much to re-arrange, but he wanted, even needed, to say his final goodbyes to his men before the bodies were moved. As he headed to the door, Gwaine and Percival were taking their turn to stand guard. “Oh…I wasn’t expecting to see the pair of you standing there,” Arthur said surprised.

”It is our last chance to honour them, Sire,” Percival said remorsefully.

”Is there anyone in there at the moment?” Arthur asked not wishing to disturb someone’s private time.

”Gwen is in there at the moment,” Gwaine said ready to open the door for his King.

”Has she been in there long?”

”Long enough,” Percival answered, “why do you ask?”

”Elyan is her brother. She needs her personal time alone with him.”

”Are you going to go in then?” Gwaine asked.

Arthur nodded, then opened the door for himself. As he entered, he noticed Gwen kneeling over her brother, crying hysterically. “Guinevere…” he started to say cautiously.

Gwen lifted her head to see Arthur standing over her. She rose quickly to stand in front of her King. “Sire, I will go now,” she said.

”No, don’t go. Stay with me a while. I don’t think I can do this alone,” Arthur said as he reached out taking her hand within his own. “Merlin told me that I would find my future wife, here in Camelot. He said she will be someone that I know…I now believe that someone he was talking about was you.”

”When did he tell you this?”

”That doesn’t matter,” Arthur replied. Like he was going to say he told him after he had died.

”Sire, I don’t think this is the ideal time to declare your love.”

”No time is the right time.” Arthur leaned forward kissing Gwen gently on her mouth, unknowingly being watched in the far corner from Merlin.

”I should go,” Gwen said leaving hastily.

Arthur heard a clapping from behind him as he turned to face Merlin. “I knew you were there. I sensed your presence,” he said.

”Well, I must say it took you long enough to work that out. Told you the one you will marry is under your nose.”

”Yes, well, you didn’t quite put it like that,” Arthur said.

Merlin tutted loudly. “Does it really matter how I said it, only that I did.”

”Well, anyway, it pains me to admit it Merlin, but for once you are right.”

”And it took my death for you to realise it. God you’re so slow.”

”I’m still the King.”

”So what. I told you straight what I thought when I was alive. Do you really think I’m going to change now I’m dead.”

”I don’t want you to ever change my friend.”

”Well, that’s good because I’m not going to change for you or anyone.”

”Thank you Merlin. Thank you for everything,” Arthur said.

”Go on, get out of here before they think you are going mad talking to yourself. Which technically, you are,” Merlin said smiling as Arthur nodded and headed out of the door.

Gaius took the book, left behind from Arthur, back to Merlin’s room. Now Arthur had been made aware of it, he placed the book on the bed with his belongings. It’s not like anyone else would be going in the room. But there was something about Merlin’s room, something he was sensing. The grief he once felt was replaced with an overwhelming peace. He was able to feel Merlin’s presence surrounding him, even though he hadn’t actually seen him like Arthur. It gave him comfort if nothing else. Had he not known any different, he would have said that Merlin was actually still alive.

Arthur left the council chamber soon after Gwen. He gave the orders too his Knights, to prepare the fallen soldiers to be moved to the awaiting pyre. Something he never thought in all his reign he would have to say. Back in his personal chambers, he changed his clothes into his official attire. The knock Arthur was dreading finally sounded. He stood looking at of the window, watching the gathering of people heading towards the funeral area. He took a deep inhalation of air, which was bad enough in casual clothing,  but with this full dress armour, was damn near impossible with the injury to his chest. Turning suddenly, he noticed Percival had entered his room. On any other day he would have laid into him for entering without permission. The only one to ever get away with that, was of course Merlin. But today was not a day for arguing, so for once he let it slide.

”My Lord, are you ready?” Percival asked.

Arthur’s shoulders slumped forward. “Not really, but we better get on with it,” he said. “Percival…” Arthur continued stopping him leaving the room, “I think I owe you an apology. I’m sorry for what I said.”

”Sire?!” Percival asked stunned. He didn’t think the King even knew the word sorry, let alone say it.

”I was rude to you after the battle, and I’m sorry for that. My anger got the better of me, and as your King, that was wrong.”

”I understand Sire. I should have been more sensitive to the situation.”

”Yes, well you could have been a bit more cautious with your words,” Arthur said smiling, knowing full well now, that what he had said about Merlin having magic was actually true.

”Are you ready then?” Percival asked opening the door.

”Yes, let’s do this,” Arthur said walking reluctantly out of the door, for the final farewell to his fallen Knights.

Arthur took centre stage in front of the gathering of people. He was pleased to see so many attendees. Half the people he didn’t know, but people tend to turn out in their droves for things like this. He hadn’t planned what to say, his words just came freely from his mouth.

”This is a sad day as we all say farewell to our fallen brothers. I am pleased to see so many of you here as a mark of respect. They were all liked and respected and of course will be sadly missed.” Arthur inhaled deeply before carrying on. He looked at his people, all trying to hide their tears. “Unfortunately, there is one who is not with us today. My faithful servant, Merlin, also perished in the battle, but his body has yet to be found. We will never give up hope in finding him. I will make it my life’s ambition to continue the search. The rule of a Knight…leave no man behind. And we certainly won’t leave anyone unfound.” Arthur finished as he took his place next to Gwen, carefully slipping his hand into hers, grasping it tightly. He gave the nod to both Percival and Gwaine, who lit the fire on the pyre. The flames licked the dry wood as it surrounded the entire structure. The smell of burning bodies thronged the air. The stench somewhat overshadowed by the moment. Most of the people had left by that time. But Arthur stayed. Arthur waited until everyone had left before moving back inside. That was his duty, his loyalty to his men; his loyalty to the fallen.

”That was very moving, Arthur, very well done,” Gaius said as he sat in Arthur’s chamber as he entered through the door.

”I never want to do anything like that again. One is bad enough, but all of them…no thank you.”

”What about Merlin? Are you seriously going to keep searching for him?”

”Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?”

”Because you know full well he isn’t there,” Gaius said trying to convince Arthur.

”You don’t know that,” Arthur said fetching himself some water.

”But I do know, Arthur.”

”Gaius, what are you not telling me?”

”Nothing. It’s nothing,” Gaius said unconvincingly.

”Tell me!” Arthur yelled angrily.

”Because he’s not dead!” Gaius yelled back.

Meanwhile, outside the chamber door, three people who were eager to hear what was going on inside. They stood listening with their ear against the door.

”Well, what did they say?” Percival asked Gwaine , who’s ear was pressed firmly as it could against the solid wooden door as he tried to listen to the argument.

”Sounds as if Gaius just shouted Merlin is not dead,” Gwaine said convinced that was what he heard.

”Don’t be daft. I know the door is thick and hard to hear inside, but seriously…” Gwen tried saying.

”Would you care to give it a go then? I’d like to see you try and make sense of all this.”

”I know Gaius is struggling to come to terms with all this, but surely not…” Gwen said before being interrupted.

”Quiet, both of you shut up. I’m trying to listen,” Gwaine said placing his ear back in position.

”You said what?!”  Arthur said stunned. “You actually know that, do you? Well, he better be dead, because if he’s not, I’m going to kill him myself for doing this to me.”

”To you, what about me?”

”He was my friend…”

”And he was like a son to me.”

”So, is he alive then? And, if so, why has he not returned?” Arthur asked totally confused more than ever.

”I have absolutely no idea if he is alive. I can only sense that he is not dead.”

”Yet, I have seen him several times. Something doesn’t add up. How can this be?”

”Magic…” Gaius answered.

”Yes, that has to be the only answer. You gave me something once in-order to appear dead. What if Merlin did the same thing?”

”But why?…” Gaius said confused. “If he had, then he wouldn’t have been able to administer the antidote to start breathing again. He certainly wouldn’t have anyone else involved in helping him.”

”But what if he did have someone working with him?”

”Like who? There wasn’t anyone,” Gaius uttered.

”So, therefore he has to be dead…doesn’t he?”

”Don’t look at me, Arthur. Honestly, I don’t have a clue.”

”Well, in that case, we will have to carry on with his funeral. Act like he is definitely dead. So, I suggest we travel to Ealdor.”

”Are you sure you want to go through with it?”

”I do. Either way, dead or alive, he deserves to be honoured.”

”Can I make a suggestion then?” Gaius asked.

”Like what?”

”Burn his journal as well. What is written, must at all costs, be kept a secret too. Also his magic books should be considered.”

”Yes, that would be a good idea…”

”You’re hesitating. What’s wrong?” Gaius asked cautiously.

”If he is still alive, would he not want the books kept?”

”I’ve a strong feeling either way, that he isn’t coming back. Whatever he did to protect you on that day, he will play out for the rest of his life.”

”I suppose if he knows magic the way you say he does, then he wouldn’t be needing those books anymore.”

”I can’t come to terms with all this, Arthur. Merlin would never do something like this…stay away from all of us, knowing full well he is still alive. Why would he let us think he is dead?”

”The crystal cave story…”

”Yes, well what about it?”

”…he knew this battle was going to take place. He knew he could change the outcome. What if he did?”

”Alter history you mean?”

”Yes. Merlin’s magic is far superior to any other. Surely he would have had the ability to do something like that?”

”Well if he did, he said nothing to me about it,” Gaius said disappointed.

”No, because to everyone, he must appear to be dead,” Arthur said giving the only explanation possible.

”So, when do you want to go then?” Gaius asked.

”Tomorrow. It will take what…a day and a half to get there. Start preparing today and we will leave at dawn tomorrow morning.”

”Gwaine, Percival,” Arthur shouted as the pair tried to scurry away up the corridor after listening through the door.

”Sire, everything alright?” Gwaine asked hesitant. Had they been caught red handed?

”Prepare the horses and provisions. We ride tomorrow for Ealdor.” Arthur ordered to two baffled faces.

”Ealdor?” Percival wondered.

”Yes, that’s right, Ealdor. The homeland of Merlin,” Arthur continued.

”Why?” Gwaine asked confused.

”We are going to honour Merlin in his home village. We will say our final goodbyes with his mother.”

”Oh, right,” Gwaine said looking at Percival, hoping for some help from him, but got nothing.

”Just get on with it, will you.” Arthur walked away before the Knights could ask any more questions.

Percival looked as confused as Gwaine. “So, I take it then, that Merlin is really dead?” he said slightly baffled at Arthur’s suggestion.

”What you looking at me for?” Gwaine asked.

”You were the one with your ear to the door.”

”And?”

”You said Merlin wasn’t dead.”

”Hey, don’t quote me on that. I only said what I thought I heard.”

”And as usual, you got it wrong.”

”What do you mean as usual…”  Gwaine said chasing after Percival.

Dawn arrived crisp and fresh as the party rode out of the castle grounds. Gaius rode with Arthur, staying behind away from the others. Gwen travelled between all of them, riding on her own.

”Did you pack everything?” Arthur asked Gaius quietly.

”Yes, everything is here. Even his books on magic. Have you seen Merlin again?”

”No, sadly not. He hasn’t returned again for a while. How I wish he would appear one last time.”

”I’m sure he will appear when the time is right.” Gaius replied with confidence. If anything, he knew Merlin only too well.

They set up camp for the night, bedding down early, ready for another early start in the morning. Each sat discussing their own personal fun times with Merlin before turning in for the night. Arthur and Gaius were cautious about revealing what they knew about Merlin before and after his so-called death. What sleep they had was far from adequate. Who could sleep easily under such circumstances as these? So they all rose early and set off for the final journey to Ealdor; which wasn’t that far away now.

As they approached the village, Hunith was tending the fields. She saw the party approaching and greeted them with open arms, unaware of the real reason they had come for in the first place.

”Arthur, Gaius…how lovely it is to see you again. What brings you here?” Hunith looked around not seeing the one person she wanted most of all. “Where is my precious boy then? Is he hiding behind you all?” she asked unaware.

Arthur dismounted his horse, walking slowly towards Hunith. He didn’t need actual words. His sorrow was written all over his face.

”No!” Hunith screamed. Her voice so loud and penetrating it sent shivers down Arthur’s spine.

”I’m so sorry Hunith. I’m afraid…” Arthur tried saying. How do you tell a distraught mother her son is dead?

”No. He’s not dead. I refuse to believe that. It’s not true…it’s not true,” Hunith continued saying as her legs buckled from beneath her.

Arthur’s quick reaction managed to catch her in time as the remaining party ran towards him. Ushering with his hand, for the others to retreat, he held on to Merlin’s mother like his own.

Angrily, Hunith started to hit out, catching Arthur right across his wound. He held the pain inside, not screaming out as it raged through his body. He wasn’t going to try and stop her, after all, she was grieving for her only son. A son that he called a friend, and one that had died in his care.

”Come inside, all of you. The least I can do is offer you some hospitality,” she said walking inside her dwelling, once she had gathered herself together.

”Hunith,” Arthur said pulling her to one side, “we have something to tell you.”

”What? Isn’t it bad enough that my son is dead?” she retorted as she beckoned the others to go inside.

”Yes, I’m afraid it is. It’s not good news Hunith.”

”Tell me Arthur…” she pleaded.

Arthur nodded, unable to get the words out as tears fell once more. “We…we haven’t found his body yet,” he said hesitantly.

”Then how do you know my son is dead?”

”Because I held him in my arms after we initially found him. We had to leave them behind at first to gather more men, in-order to bring them home. When we returned the following day… well, how do I say this…Merlin’s body had disappeared.”

”Are you telling me, my son is missing?!”

”His body is missing, that’s all I know for sure,” Arthur said regretfully. How stupid did that sound? You found him, then you lost him. Really! Arthur thought silently.

”He did everything for you Arthur. He loved you in his own way.”

”And I loved him too. But he didn’t have to sacrifice himself for me.”

”Merlin would do anything it took for you to live. Don’t shed your tears Arthur, my boy wouldn’t want that from you.”

”I can’t except his death. I never will,” Arthur said wiping the tears from his eyes.

”Merlin was more than happy to serve you, no matter what may have happened to him.”

”You mean hiding his magic from all of us?”

”You know?” Hunith said surprised.

”Yes.”

”That’s why he was sent away. It was a risk we had to take.”

”And I’m grateful for that, or I would never have known him.”

”He always wanted you to know about his magic. He often spoke to me about telling you.”

”Why didn’t he? Apart from the obvious reasons.”

”Because, he said if you didn’t except who he was, then you weren’t the person he thought you were.”

”Anyway, sadly we haven’t managed to find his body again yet. So we presume he is gone forever. And with that scenario, we, with your acceptance, would like to honour him.”

”How?”

”If you will allow us to make a pyre, we would like to place his clothes and books on there in place of his body.”

”That is thoughtful of you. I am grateful that you feel he needs to be honoured.”

”He was more than just a servant to me. He was a friend, a confidant, he was more than anything in the world.

Hunith took hold of Arthur’s hands. “He will always be with you Arthur, remember that.”

Arthur smiled sweetly. “I think he already is,” he said simply.

Gaius joined them with questions of his own. “Hunith, forgive me for interrupting, but did Merlin say anything or contact you in the days before the battle?”

”No. I hadn’t seen him since the last time he was here. Why do you ask?”

”Oh, no reason, just curious,” Arthur answered looking carefully at Gaius.

Hunith kept herself busy during the day. It was, as she explained, her coping mechanism. Arthur watched her from a distance, alone and saddened. Day turned into night as darkness descended upon them. The Knights had prepared the funeral pyre for the following day, working hard to the point of exhaustion. But no one complained. No one would dare. Gaius sat talking to Gwen, as Arthur himself, walked over to speak to Hunith once more.

”Arthur, what can I do for you?” she asked seeing him approaching.

”Nothing. I just felt I needed to be near you.”

”Yes, it must be hard for you as well. Arthur, you do realise just how special you were to Merlin?”

”As my servant?”

”As your friend. Being a servant had nothing to do with it. He was born to be your protector. Even if he hadn’t become your servant, he would have still guided you to be a great King.”

”You don’t know that.”

”I do. Merlin is…was, the greatest sorcerer to walk the earth. He was born only for your protection.”

”And I treated him abysmally. Something I can never take back.”

Hunith smiled at Arthur. The same cheeky smile as her sons. “Yes, he did have a few words to call you at times. But he wouldn’t have changed a thing about you.”

”Like clotpole for instance?”

”Yes that was one of them,” she replied laughing, which started Arthur laughing too.

”I can only imagine some of the things he called me. You know, he was the only one who could, and would for that matter, speak his mind to me and I would except it. Anyone else I’d have bitten their heads off.”

”He did have a certain charm about him.”

”Yes he did. And I miss that charm immensely.”

”Remember he loved you Arthur. Never forget that.”

”I guess I can say I loved him too.”

”No, Arthur. I mean he really loved you.”

”Oh, that kind of love. Well, if I’m honest, I think the feeling was mutual.”

”But you never showed it.”

”As a King, I couldn’t. But then again, he didn’t show it either.”

”No wonder they called you both, ‘two sides of the same coin’. You two were hopelessly in love with each other, and yet let it slip out of your fingers.” Hunith smiled watching Arthur’s reaction to that statement.

”Well, I guess it’s time to turn in for the night. It’s getting late now,” Arthur said blushing with embarrassment. Just as well it was dark.

”Get some sleep Arthur. We have a big day ahead tomorrow,” she said walking away.

”Get some sleep? No chance of that I’m afraid,” he said to himself. Where the hell was Merlin when you needed him.

Chapter Text

Arthur woke early after having very little sleep. His men were already up and finishing the last touches to the funeral pyre. They wanted everything perfect. This day was for Merlin and he deserved only the best. Arthur was proud of his men as he simply smiled and nodded his approval. The Knights saw that, as they nodded back at him in respect.

Gaius stood away from the others, watching proudly as the men made their final touches. Merlin would be so proud of them all. Although probably, he would tell them to do it this way, or even that way. Ever the perfectionist was Merlin when it mattered. This would be a day like no other, a day of remembrance; Merlin’s day. Arthur appeared beside him, looking more drawn and tired than ever. This was taking its toll on everyone.

”Are you alright Arthur?” You don’t look good if I’m being honest.” Gaius asked concerned.

”Tired, that’s all. This has been so hard for all of us. Losing my Knights was something that could have happened at any time, but losing Merlin, and in this way…” Arthur had to stop himself before another emotional breakdown.

”Yes, I can understand that. I never thought I would live to see this happen to Merlin. I am old, and should have gone before him.”

”Well, no one can predict their ending,” Arthur said, although why he came out with that, he just didn’t know.

”Not unless you are called Merlin,” Gaius said with sadness, yet also full of pride.

Arthur smiled at that statement. Merlin did predict is ending, or at least that’s what they had thought. “Gaius,” he started to say, “do you think we are doing the right thing by burning his books? I mean, once they’re gone, we won’t be able to get them back.”

”We are doing the right thing Arthur,” Gaius said reassuringly. “We are protecting Merlin at all costs.”

”Are you ready to place them on there?” Arthur asked.

”No, not really, but we have too. So, whilst it’s empty, let’s get on with it.”

”Come on then,” Arthur said stepping forward with Gaius whilst the others had retreated. 

Placing Merlin’s prize possessions on the pyre, they both felt the feeling of calm and overwhelming peace. Soon after the villagers gathered with the party and Hunith for the final farewell. Merlin was well liked. And that likeness was seen by the entourage of people attending. They had also come from adjoining villages, such was Merlin’s attraction. Arthur lit the fire to commemorate Merlin’s life. The kindle lit with ease and soon everything was alight with flames dancing up to the heavens. Merlin’s spirit was set free.

Hunith stood watching, eyes transfixed on the flames. Eventually, she stepped forward, the first to say some words. “Merlin…” she said, then stopped suddenly. She inhaled deeply before carrying on. “Merlin was my only child; my precious boy. Many of you remember him well. Such a mischievous little scoundrel. Always getting into trouble, yet finding a way to get himself out of trouble just as easily. He left home at the young age of seventeen, hoping for a better life. I think I can safely say that he achieved that. But his first love was, and always would be Ealdor. It was his home and held all his childhood memories. When Merlin came home one day, he seemed different…he had changed. He had left Ealdor a boy, but returned as a man. When I asked him what had happened to my precious boy, he smiled sweetly at me and said…mother I have grown up. And I have learnt the meaning of duty. He was of course talking about you Arthur. He was proud to serve you My Lord, and he would always be.”

Arthur stepped forward comforting Hunith. He took her hand, holding it tightly as he said his words to the people. “Merlin was special in a different way. There is no disputing that. Never afraid to speak his mind, no matter what it cost him. And boy did it cost him sometimes. But I will always remember his smile, his laughter, but most of all, his friendship. Such a clever man with such loyalty. And yet at times so…”

”Clumsy,” Gwaine shouted out to everyone.

Arthur let out a loud laugh, breaking the tension. “…yes a clumsy idiot, and I loved him for that,” he said beaming with happiness, remembering those good times they shared together. His eyes searched the crowd. He half expected Merlin to be there somewhere, laughing and nodding to that statement; sadly he was not.

”Well,” Gwaine said stepping forward to recall his memory, “I remember meeting him in the Tavern with you Arthur. That brawl we all got involved in, then I got stabbed and Merlin came to my rescue. I’m going to miss that bugger so much,” he said as his eyes filled with tears that then ran down his cheeks. He wiped his eyes quickly taking a deep breath, having to turn away before he cracked completely.

”Well…” Gwen said quickly stepping in for Gwaine. “I first spoke to him the day he arrived in Camelot. He was in the stocks, being pelted by rotting vegetables. Even then, he was smiling. And I remember him saying,” she paused slightly with a big smile, “that his fans were waiting to continue. I know I will miss him terribly.”

”I remember holding him in my arms, carrying him too his horse after the Dorocha got hold of him. I really thought then, he was never going to recover. He looked so ill, but they say you can’t keep a good man down. That was the case with Merlin, he was a good man,” Percival said remembering that incident well.

Arthur nodded in agreement. Merlin was a good man. “Gaius,” he said looking at him, “do you wish to say anything?”

Gaius nodded as he stepped forward to relive his memories. “Well, where shall I start. I personally have more memories with Merlin than most of you put together. You could never really understand the trouble he often got himself into. But he had a heart of gold and if we talked about that…well, we would be here for days…weeks even. Merlin was like a son I never had. And that one time that I actually thought I was going to lose him was when he had drunk that poisoned wine. He was seriously ill afterwards, and I mean seriously ill. Not all of you will remember that incident, but once again Merlin did it to protect Arthur. There was one heart stopping moment. Not only for Merlin, but for myself and Gwen. Merlin died, his heart had stopped. It was after I had given him an antidote, but somehow, thankfully, he came back to life. He was as you all said, a very special person, who touched each of our lives individually, and for that, we will hold him in our hearts forever.”

The main party stayed awhile, at least until the fire had burned itself out. Chatting, laughing and drinking until they were drunk on happiness. Arthur left his men to it, letting them release the tension as he walked away to find Gaius.

”Gaius?” Arthur said grabbing hold of his arm after the remembrance was over.

”Are you alright, Arthur?” Gaius asked concerned.

”Yes, perfectly fine. I was just thinking about what you said when Merlin was poisoned. He never spoke about what happened to him afterwards. Why was that?”

”Because he was unconscious the whole time. He had no memory of any of it.”

”Only when I was in the cave, searching for the Mortaeus flower, I had a ball of light guiding me out of there.”

”And you think it was Merlin’s magic doing it?”

”Well, was it?”

”Actually, yes it was. His magic was so powerful, far beyond my understanding. He conjured an orb of light in his hand, and then he was saying something even I couldn’t comprehend. He had no knowledge of it afterwards, and I certainly didn’t question him about it.”

”I thought so too. Not at the time mind you, but knowing now what he was, it’s so logical.”

”Yes, it was. He connected himself with you to guide you home. Again, he was protecting you even whilst dying.”

”Sire?” Gwaine said interrupting them both.

”Yes, what do you want?” Arthur said slightly annoyed, hoping he hadn’t heard the conversation about Merlin’s magic.

”When do you wish to return to Camelot?”

”It is too late to travel now anyway. Besides must of you are drunk and I think honestly no one is up to going yet. Prepare the horses and provisions for first light tomorrow. Providing you are not all hungover.”

”Certainly Sire,” Gwaine said looking a bit worse for ware as he staggered away to tell the others.

The following day came around quickly. The men were okay to travel as Arthur quickly had one last word with Hunith before he left for Camelot. The rest of the party mounted their horses and started to make their move slowly giving Arthur time to catch them up.

”Arthur…” Hunith said curiously, “are you not going with them?”

”I wanted to say that you will always have a home in Camelot, that is of course if you would like it. As Merlin’s mother, you will always be welcome.”

”Thank you Arthur,” she answered kindly, “but my home is here. This is where I feel close and connected too my son. It is a kind offer, but I must say no,” she continued taking hold of Arthur’s hands

”Well, if you ever changed your mind, the offer still stands,” Arthur said hugging Hunith tightly.

”I somehow think I won’t,” she said kissing Arthur’s soft cheek before he headed away to catch up with the others. She waved the King off for one last time.

Several days had passed since the visit to Ealdor. Life seemed to return to normal. Well as normal as it could be. George was made a permanent replacement for Merlin, although at times Arthur wished for Merlin’s return. George was so proper and precise, whilst Merlin would laugh and joke. Arthur didn’t have the same rapport that he had with Merlin now George had taken over. He sat in his chambers remembering those good times as he sipped his wine, choking on the last mouthful as he heard his friends voice one more time.

”Thank you for the other day,” Merlin said. “It was a fitting tribute.”

Arthur turned suddenly to see Merlin sitting at the side of the table. “Merlin! You’re here again then?”

”Obviously being smart is not really your forte,” Merlin told him as he rolled his eyes.

”And being cocky is obviously still yours,” Arthur said laughing, then smiled with happiness.

”I will beg to differ on that.”

”Hang on a minute, if you’re dead, how can I have an in depth conversation with you?”

”I am magic. I can do whatever it takes.”

”Well, you were wrong about my true love being Gwen.”

”I never said that. As I recall, I never said a name.”

”Well, Gwen never was my first love.”

”So who was it then?” Merlin asked inquisitively.

”You were you idiot. You were my first love Merlin.”

”Well, it would have been nice if you had told me whilst I was alive. I’ve been hiding my true feelings for you since the day we first met.” Merlin replied slightly frustrated.

”Everything you have done for me, I know why now.”

”I trust in your destiny, Arthur. I’m not going to say goodbye. That is too final. But it is your fate to be the greatest King of Camelot will ever know, from now until the end of time. Just don’t let me down.”

”I won’t let you down. I promise you that.”

”You better not.”

”So…” Arthur was hesitant asking Merlin the one thing he wanted to know. “…are you really dead then? Because, neither Gaius nor I believe that to be true.”

“I can’t actually answer that question.”

”I get it. I really do. I get what you did to protect me. But you were wrong as always.”

Merlin let out a laugh. “My destiny was always to protect you. I simply did what was necessary. To survive Camlann, no matter what the cost was. I think you can consider that a successful prophecy.”

”I can’t even imagine what you had to sacrifice to make all this happen. Your mother, Gaius and me. Giving up everything. I’m not sure I could do it.”

”I wouldn’t say that. If the boot was on the other foot, you definitely would have. I know you Arthur. You would gladly give your life for others. I have learnt that from you over the years.”

”Thank you Merlin.”

”I will always be there for you; you just won’t know it. I did this to protect everyone I love, in case there was any trouble, any repercussions in years to come.

”Merlin…”

”No more questions. I must leave now.”

”Will I ever see you again?”

”When the time is right, I will return.”

”When will that be?”

”If I told you that, you would be waiting for that day to arrive. It is better that you never know when that day will come. I ask only one more favour from you though?”

”Anything. What is it?”

Merlin smiled beaming with pride. “Name your son after me please.”

”How do you know I will have a son?”

”Really? It’s called insight, Arthur. That’s how I know. Now, I must be going, but I will leave you something to remember me by,” Merlin said moving himself towards Arthur. As he moved in close he simply said, “Close your eyes for me My Lord.”

Arthur shut his eyes without question as Merlin’s soft lips kissed him one last goodbye. His whole body stirred with a longing, even a yearning for this wonderful moment to last forever. But when he eventually opened his eyes, Merlin was gone once more. He could smell Merlin, taste Merlin even still feel Merlin around him for hours after that moment. As Arthur undressed for bed later that night, there on his wrist, lay Merlin’s leather bracelet. Arthur never did know how it got there, but one thing he knew for certain, he would never take it off again.

Chapter Text

Arthur lived for several years after that fateful day. He married Gwen and had a family, securing the history of the monarchy. He bore a son and named him in honour of his friend Merlin. His first love had always been his loyal servant, but they both knew that was never to be. That was something the pair both knew could never happen.

His injury sustained on that dreadful day had killed him in the end, just like Merlin predicted. As Arthur lay on his deathbed, surrounded by his family, he felt Merlin with him. Merlin’s promise to return when the time was right had eventually happened. Arthur was ready to die. He had served his duty to the end.

Neither Gaius nor Arthur ever spoke again about what they each thought Merlin had carried out on the dreadful day. What Merlin had done in-order to protect them all. 

Arthur passed away peacefully with the knowledge that he had become the greatest King ever to have lived; now and in future years to come.

He never did find out what happened that day on the battlefield. How Merlin’s body disappeared, vanished without a trace.

Arthur’s body lay in state in the great hall, just as his father’s once did. But his wish was always for his body to be returned to the lake of Avalon.

And so it was as the people of Camelot, close friends and family gathered on the side of the riverbank.

Arthur’s body was placed in the boat, ready to drift out to the other side. Merlin stood beside him, touching his forehead as he said his final last words to his master, his King; his friend. Arthur’s eyes opened, then closed respectfully.

As the boat sailed away, as if by magic, a beam of light transcended from the heavens. A beautiful glowing, glittering light, surrounded Merlin’s image as he looked back towards Gaius. Then Merlin disappeared. Gone forever, gone to be with Arthur for all eternity.

So, did Merlin really die that day? Or was it a spiritual image staying with his master until the rightful time arrived?

Merlin did his duty as Arthur’s protector. Fulfilling the prophecy he was born to do.

There are undoubtedly unanswered questions that we will never know. But one thing we are sure of, Merlin was magic.

I originally wrote this story in 2021 and posted on FFN.

I have now updated this version and is slightly longer and different from the original here on AO3.