Chapter Text
I don't know how long we sat there; Jay letting out so many years of pent up stress in this one moment. I didn't mind. I knew he needed this. To let all of this out. To know that I was here for him.
If I could've hugged him tighter I would have.
I have never been the best at comforting people, but in my defense, I haven't really had people in my life enough to get great practice. But for Jay, I tried my best. Trying to give him what I always wanted someone else to give me.
“I'm... I'm sorry,” Jay choked out through the last of his tears, slowly gaining a grip on himself.
I looked into his eyes, and god knows how much I wished I could've held him a bit closer right then. His eyes were one of the most vivid aspects of him, always and forever as it would seem. “You don't need to be sorry. You needed to let that out... It was eating you up wasn't it?” I asked hesitantly. “I know how it feels to let these things build up,” I went on softly, my gaze never leaving his face as I saw some spare tears threatening to fall from his eyes as I spoke. “It hurts... I wish it didn't have to hurt so much. You've already been through too much.”
His eyes shut tightly as he sniffled. “I did this to myself...” He whimpered, clasping his hand over his mouth after, trying to stop himself from crying again.
I set his laptop and camera on the coffee table as I took a deep breath. “You didn't. You got pulled into this like all of us.” I tried to reassure him.
“I went digging... Alex didn't want to give me the tapes, but I kept pushing him...” He murmured as he sniffled. “It was over for three years... Then I dug everything back up again...”
“Jay...”
“Tim, you said it yourself, I just made everything worse, not just with you, but Jessica too... And Alex...” His voice trialed off, his face saying so much more than he was.
I took his ice cold hands, holding them like snowflakes, I felt the regret paint my face. That was basically two years ago, yet he was still holding onto my words. Despite what we had been through together since then, the words from that night still stuck with him.
“Jay,” I tried to look into his eyes as he looked at our hands. His hands tried to squeeze mine, to little success. “Jay when I said those things I was just- I was angry and confused, I-”
He cut me off with a soft hiccup from the tears that he was trying to fight against. “But you were right.”
“You just wanted to help, you didn't know how and I understand that now... I wish you would understand that too.”
His eyes slowly met mine, his lip was trembling as he just stared at me for a short while.
I felt my heart break at that look. The look that just said he might never forgive himself for this; and that he can't fathom how I have. I gently pulled him against me as I leaned back against the couch, propping my feet up on the coffee table beside Jay's things. “I think we need to take a breather.” I suggest as Jay didn't fight my directing. Admittedly he was stiff for a moment, he didn't seem used to the physical comfort I was offering; but it wasn't long before he rested his head on my shoulder, leaning against me as he tried to relax. His tears managed to dissipate as he calmed down.
“Tim...”
“Yeah?”
“...Thank you,” he let out softly. “I swear you're too nice to me sometimes.”
“I don't think there is such a thing.” I admitted, resting my eyes a bit as my hand rested on Jay's side. “...At least not when it comes to you.” I feel a soft heat raise to my cheeks as I say that. It might not be the best time to fully tell Jay what he means to me, but I want to at least be honest about that. Maybe one day I can tell him everything, but not now.
Jay went quiet after I said that, but it didn't feel like a bad quiet, just a processing quiet.
We relaxed in silence for a while, just trying to recuperate after that file. At the time, I fully forgot about the tape that I had collected from the hooded man. It didn't matter for now. Jay mattered.
After an hour or two of silence, it started to get dark out, and I started to get hungry. I groaned softly as I opened my eyes, glancing at Jay. He was asleep; he finally looked at peace.
Over the years of knowing Jay, I don't think I've ever seen him sleep, personally. I was always the one to fall asleep first at the motels, and he was always the first to wake up.
He looked so sweet.
My gaze wandered his face for a few minutes, a smile lining my mouth as I just soaked in this moment. The first calm moment that either of us have had in years; we've earned this.
Soon enough Jay started to stir awake, due to my stomach protesting the lack of cooking I was doing. I quickly looked off to the side, shutting my eyes again to not seem like I was just staring at him.
Unfortunately, he sat up, yawing a little bit as he did. Oddly enough, it felt like a bit of weight had gotten off me when he had sat up. My eyes slowly fluttered open as I glanced over to him; he looked a little more opaque now too.
“Sleep well?” I asked slightly playfully as I got up to grab something from the fridge, I had to have something around that I didn't have to cook.
“Surprisingly well,” Jay stated as he got up and stretched. “What about you?” He asked as he wandered over to the countertop that separated my kitchen from my living room. His arms propped himself up as he leaned onto it, watching me rummage through my fridge.
I didn't have much in it, but it wasn't fully empty either. It's not like I've had time to go grocery shopping in the past few months; hell it's not like I've had a whole lot of time to eat over these past few months.
“Same here.” I stated simply as I pulled out some bread and a beer. Not an ideal meal, but hey, better than nothing. I set both on the counter, sneaking a glance at Jay as I turned to get some peanut butter from my cupboards. He was definitely more visible now.
“So...” I started off as I grabbed a butter knife. “You uh... you look more...” I tried to think of how to word this, but I couldn't think of how to put it.
His eyes trailed down to his arms, looking for what I was trying to say. “I look more... present.” Is how he put it.
“Mhm.” I hummed as I dipped my knife into the peanut butter, taking a lick off of it before going back in for more to spread on my bread.
“Maybe it's due to rest?” Jay thought aloud as he stood up a little straighter, looking at his palms. I shrugged a bit; even as a kid I wasn't really into the supernatural stuff, his guess would be as good as mine in this case.
He reached for an empty cup on the countertop, and instead of it slipping through his grasp, he was actually able to pick it up and hold it. I wish I could've taped that moment; the way his face looked made my heart skip a beat, he looked so enthusiastic over something so small. It stirred something in me, something that made my cheeks burn.
“Maybe if you get a full nights sleep you could pick up your camera again.” I mused. The meer thought of that seemed to make Jay perk up, grinning like a kid who was just told that they're getting a puppy for Christmas after three years of begging. I couldn't help but to let myself smile too.
The rest of our short evening was spent making sure that there was no way for anyone to get into my house while we slept; Jay was more than excited by the idea of having more strength to his form, and he wanted to make sure that nothing would disturb us. We blissfully chatted as I locked everything up, adding a few barriers here and there for extra precautions. But just as I was moving my couch, Jay paused for a moment in thought before speaking again.
“Hey Tim?”
“Yeah?”
“Where am I gonna sleep?”
I finished shoving the couch against the door in my kitchen before taking a breath and standing up straight again. “I mean, I figured we could share my bed. It's not huge, but it's decent, and it's better than one of us sleeping in one room and one in the other.” I spoke simply, despite how my nerves were up waiting for his reaction.
Jay's cheeks grew a soft tint to them, his equivalent of a blush now. “Are- Are you sure you'd be okay with that? I mean, I can um- I can just sleep out here. On the... On the couch.” He stammered on, which admittedly led me to chuckle a bit with a soft smile.
“I wouldn't have offered it if I wasn't okay with it, Jay. You know me.” I joked.
His gaze avoided mine as he seemed flustered by just the thought of us sharing a bed. I made my way over to him, gently letting my hand hover on his shoulder. “We just took like a two hour nap on my couch together, I think we can handle sharing a bed for the night.” I reassured him, letting my hand leave his shoulder and come back to my side. “Now come on, I'm getting ready for bed and then sleeping til at least noon tomorrow.”