Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cold.
I woke up to feel nothing but a deep chill.

That's when I see it. Or rather... I see myself. My corpse propped up in Tim's living room. My shirt was seeped in blood around the bullet wound, spilling onto the pages scattered around me. Alex's stupid pages.

Those damn pages, the tapes... Alex in general got me into this state, why does it have to be around in my death.

That's what this is... isn't it? Death.
I was never a religious type, but this definitely was not what I thought would happen after you die. Well... I don't know what I expected exactly, but it wasn't this.

My feet just barely hovered above the page-covered carpet. I only now started to fully take in my surroundings, to be filled with confusion. I didn't die here- how did my body get here.

Trying to recall anything after Alex pulled the trigger makes my head spin. I didn't even know that spirits could get queasy or headaches.

Before I could begin to wrack my brain, or at least what was left of it, any further, Tim suddenly popped into the living room, his forward momentum made it apparent that he had been running before being redirected. He ran into the wall by the door, slowly looking at the mirror before him. YOUR FAULT was written all over the silver surface, where it once warned me that I was on my last chance.

I was stunned to see him. I didn't think I would see him again. Hesitantly, I took a few steps back, managing to hide myself in a shadow. I wasn't ready for this. I don't think he was either.

Neither of us were ever ready for anything that was thrown at us. But for a while, if only a short while, we had each other.

After reading the mirror, Tim stumbled back, tumbling to the floor in another coughing fit, the papers rustling under him as he tried to regain his balance. I restrained myself from reaching out, despite how badly I wanted to. With each of his coughs, I felt my tear ducts start to swell up; another thing that I before thought that I would never be able to experience again after death.

He then noticed my corpse. Tears, if you could even call them that, started to overflow my eyelids and drip down onto my translucent cheek. “Jay...” Tim choked out, a shaky hand reaching out to my dead body. “Jay?” His voice called out to me, I could hear the hope in his voice. The hope that I would answer. A word. A cough. A breath. Anything. But my body only gave him silence. He too was now on the verge of tears.

Tim tried to make his way over to me, shaking as he tried to steady himself, but he paused, turning his head. My head turned to follow his gaze, just barely making out the shape of the man in the hood through the blur in my eyes. Tim was now quick to his feet, rage taking him quickly, as he started to chase him out of the house. “I'll kill you!”

A pang went through my chest as I rushed out of the shadow, about to follow Tim out the door... But he was gone. As quickly as he had shown up, he was taken again. I stand frozen at the door for a little while, just staring outside.

Why couldn't I have just apologized to Tim? We could've done this together, I could've been there for him, and he for me... but now, we are both on our own.

The airy tears that I had were now flowing freely, nothing to stop them, and no one to hear me. “Tim...” I murmured, slowly stepping back from the door. “I'll be here Tim.” I reassured someone who wasn't there. Who I didn't know if I would ever truly be able to talk to again.

“I'll be here when you get back.”

I turned to go sit on his couch, just to see that all the papers were gone; along with my body. But I was still here. I will always be here.

Chapter Text

My footsteps felt heavy as I walked up to my door.

Jay.

Despite my feet feeling like cinderblocks, I rushed the last few steps to enter my house. “Jay?” I call out hopefully, against my better judgement. Silence.

I look around my living room, feeling my heart sink as I realize his body is not here any more. “God fucking damnit.” My breath hitches as I push my hair back out of my face. “He's gone...” I sniffle as I try to ignore tears that want to start brewing in my eyes.

Without thinking, I storm over to that damn mirror; the thick black letters taunting me before I punch it, sending it to the floor. The shattering sound rang out through the room as I choked back tears.

“Tim?...”

It's like I can hear him, which is more than enough to push me over. I fall to my knees, trembling as I let the tears flood my vision and cover my ears. “He's gone.” I whimper out, coughing on my stressed breath.

That's when I felt it.
Cold.
Ice cold.

Something was now resting on my shoulder and it was cold enough to seep through my clothes to my overheated skin.

“Tim... I... I don't know if you can hear me... or even feel my presence, but... It will be okay. I'm here now...” Jay's voice sounded muffled, as if it wasn't actually my mind making up his sentiment.

My hands slowly lowered from my ears as I processed what this could possibly mean. I braced myself, unsure of if I actually wanted to look at the presence on my shoulder.

“Tim?” His voice questioned me softly.

My gaze turned to my shoulder, seeing a pale-blue-translucent hand resting delicately, treating me as if I were glass. Although my vision was blurred, I traced the hand up to an arm, to a shoulder... to his face.

“Jay?” I choked out as I tried to comprehend what, or rather who, exactly I was seeing. The tears began to slow as we locked eyes for a few moments in peaceful silence. The first true moment of peace that I had felt in years.

“Can you see me?”

“...Yeah... but what the hell is going on? You're... I saw...”

Jay softly put his other hand on my other shoulder, giving me that soft grin of his, tears now making their home in his pale eyes. “I have absolutely no clue... but I'm here now.”

My hands shake as I gently cover his, feeling how weightless they were. I knew if I put too much pressure they would dissipate like smoke. “But... How? I...”

“Let's not think about it too much. I don't want to question this. It's too good an opportunity to question.” Jay gently squeezed my shoulders as his smile slowly dropped. “Look... I know that when we last talked I... I was losing it.” He confessed, adjusting to sit down on the floor with me. “I want you to know how sorry I am... I shouldn't have taken that tape from you, I shouldn't have freaked out on you, I-”

I cut him off softly, attempting to wipe a tear from his ice cold cheek. My thumb made slight contact with what felt like an extremely thick, extremely cold fog, “I forgive you.” My voice had never been so soft, at least not to any of my memories.

“...Really?”

“Of course. I know what it's like... to get that way...” I speak in reference to my original reaction to seeing Jay's channel. Seeing footage of things that I couldn't understand at the time. Things that I still don't know if I fully understand. “I just- I wish things had gone differently.” I choke out, feeling my words start to swell up in my throat.

“I do too... But hey... By some miracle I'm here- well not all here, but here enough.” Jay joked softly, trying to help me calm down. He was always so patient with me... just like Brian.

Honestly, if Jay hadn't been here, I was ready to take my leave from this life. This shit hole of a fucking life.

When Brian disappeared all those years ago, I told myself I wouldn't let anyone in again; but if I did, and I lost them too, I would off myself. Jay's death was going to be the end of me. But... now he's here.

I'm not alone again.

Jay and I moved our conversation to the couch, he said he wanted me to get more comfortable, to take a breath and tell him what happened when I ran out after the man in the hood.

He sat by my side, looking at me with concern. I took a few moments to collect myself, running my gaze over the room. It didn't look like there had been any sign of Jay's body ever being here, except for the broken zip ties in the corner, and his hat on the countertop. That stupid hat.

“It happened again...” I started off calmly. I explained that I chased the man in the hood through multiple areas, until we were back in Benedict hall. “He ended up falling from a banister,” I stated flatly, feeling my pockets for my pills that I took back from him. My hand grazed over the tape. I pulled both of them out and set them on the couch beside Jay, as I got up to grab some water. “I found those on him.”

“What's on the tape?”

“No clue. But we're going to find out.”

“Together?”

“Together.”

I wander back over to the couch with a glass of water, and took a pill. It felt so good to not have to dry swallow for one dose.

Jay helped me get the tape set up in one of our cameras then hook it up to his laptop. I say help loosely, it was more like he gave me instructions while I followed them to a t. While he had a presence to him, it didn't take much for his hands to slip through things. He could hold the tape, but not the camera. I could see the look of sadness cross onto his face when I had to hold the camera for him. I didn't draw attention to it though, he didn't need to think too hard about what he can't do anymore.

I would hold a thousand cameras just to know that he can stay here, even if he is just a ghost of who he used to be. At least he is here. I don't have to be alone.

Chapter Text

“So...” Tim started off hesitantly as he finished setting up my old camera to my laptop. “What do you think will be on this one?” Although it wasn't obvious on his face, I could feel his uncertainty in hitting play. It was in his eyes as he looked at me. I couldn't blame him. I would be uncertain too after the last tape that either of us got our hands on.

“I don't know.” I admitted, placing my hand on my chin in thought. “It depends on how long this guy has had this tape. There wasn't a date on it or anything, right?”

Tim shook his head as he leaned back a little bit, allowing his back to rest against the couch; no longer on the edge of his seat. “Not on the case, or on the tape itself.” He stated as he hovered over the play button. “There's only one way to find out.”

I nodded to him, signaling that I was ready to watch whatever might be on this tape with him.

Before he could hit play, his expression shifted as he pointed to another file on screen that was just outside the video window. “What's on that?” He asked, drawing my attention to the file. The file name was a date instead of an actual name. The day before... the day before I made that stupid decision. I still don't know why I thought a knife and zip ties would somehow miraculously make talking to Tim any easier that day. All I remember was feeling the rage clawing at my skin like flames, all because of that tape I stole from him.

My shoulders shrugged as I wracked my brain for any answers. “I... I don't remember what I did that day.” I admitted, my mind was too hazy.

“Maybe we should watch that first then.” Tim stated as he minimized the current window, in favor of opening up this other file. I don't know if he was just more curious about what had happened with me, or if he was just procrastinating on watching the tape. I can't blame him though. I think if I were him, I'd also be too nervous about watching the tape from someone I barely know, but apparently used to team up with.

I took a breath as I watched him hit play on the new file. It began with footage of me in my car, I looked so concerned. I never noticed it until now, but for a guy who started filming himself often, I never fully had a grasp on my own face.

Its not like I disliked how I looked, I guess I just never thought about it too much. I never pursued mirrors, nor did I avoid them. While editing footage, I left most of the clips of me raw, I still don't know why. Maybe at the time it just never clicked for me that it was my own face I was seeing. Maybe I just didn't care to notice myself. I don't think I'll ever know.

Tim noticed that I had zoned out for a little while, absorbed in my own thoughts with a blank expression looking at the screen in front of us. He hit pause as the footage cut to me walking around Rosswood; the lack of sound caused me to snap out of my thoughts for a moment, glancing to him. His face was very concerned. But not the kind of concern that made you feel like they were pitying you. His concern always looked genuine.

It seems like towards the end he was always giving me that look. All he wanted was for me to be okay and then... I pulled that stupid stunt on him. I could start to feel my tear ducts burn. The familiar burn that would bring tears if I let it.

“Are you okay?” He asked me softly, hovering a hand over my shoulder. “We don't have to do this now if you can't.”

“I... I'll be fine. I was just thinking, is all.” I stated with a soft sniffle.

“Are you remembering any of this?”

“Not one bit.” I admitted. “I'll be honest, I wasn't really paying attention more than a few seconds in... I'm sorry.”

“Hey, it's okay,” Tim said as he let his hand fall back to his side. “Should we continue this or?..” His voice trailed off as he waited for my response, his gaze maintaining eye contact with me regardless of how many times I would glance away.

“Let's...” I started off as I took a deep breath, “Let's keep going. Maybe I'll be able to remember something, if I actually pay attention.” I slightly joked as I looked back to the screen.

Tim hesitated, his gaze still wandering over my face before he went ahead and pressed play again.

We watched as the footage was mostly cuts of me walking through Rosswood; still none of this was coming back to me. Of course the locations were familiar, uncomfortably familiar by this point, but the specific day was not. The me on screen sounded very uncomfortable the more he walked. He went through the tunnel, and through another slightly open area; then that thing made an appearance.

This creature that has driven all of us into this mess, and Alex to madness. It's been so many years now, and yet still none of us really know what it is. What it wants. Why it is operating the way it has been.

My breathing picks up on the camera footage, and I head off down another path, before I arrive at the shack; the one that Tim and I woke up at one day, then decided to start working together. But something about this wasn't right in my gut.

Tim paused the video as he looked to me, he could feel it too. “Is it just me or does this seem off?” He asked me, his brows slightly furrowed as he tried to remember the way that we had left that shack.

I nodded, rubbing my forehead. “It's foggy, but this definitely was not the way that we went.”

“Were you looking for the shack?”

“I don't think so... I can't be sure. But I don't think I would go looking for that. I haven't thought about that area in... In at least a year or so.” My voice showed my uncertainty as my hand moved to rest on the back of my neck.

“Still not remembering any of this?”

I shook my head no. “Let's keep watching.” I insisted, looking to Tim. His gaze had been glued on me the whole time, I could feel it. He always looked at me whenever I spoke. I don't know if it was something he did with everyone, but for some reason, just knowing that he always looks at me when I speak made me feel heard. It made me feel at ease; if only by a small margin, it helped.

He turned his gaze to look back at the computer screen, hitting play again, and paying close attention.

Tim's voice soon came through the laptop speakers; it was his voice mail, so I had tried to call him.

I looked to Tim's face, just to see it painted in confusion as my voice soon came after his.

“Tim, it's me,” my voice sounded, understandably, distressed. “I watched the tape I took from you, and now I'm at Rosswood, trying to retrace Alex and Jessica's steps.” At least now we knew why I had gone back. My message continued, even though I have not a single memory of the words that fell from my lips. “I crossed through that tunnel, but now I'm at that shack that we woke up at before,” the distress in my voice seemed to increase with the longer I spoke. “But that layout is wrong. We've never been to the other side of that tunnel; and when we left here I know we didn't cross back through it. Rosswood has either shifted around or I'm starting to lose it. I dunno, maybe both.”

Both of us could start to hear the tears in my recorded voice, neither of us daring to pause the video as we let him finish. “Listen just call me as soon as you get this. I'm... I'm sorry, I know why you kept that tape from me, and we're not going to get anywhere like this. Working solo. So I'm going to come over at some point tomorrow, and we'll figure out what to do next-” My voice got cut off by some coughing; it sounded like the familiar coarse coughing that I had slowly started to get used to within my last few months alive. The coughing that signaled it was near.

“I gotta get out of here,” I continued after I had caught my breath for a moment. “I'm starting to see things that I know aren't there, and it's really starting to make me feel sick.” The coughing continued through out the end of my voice mail goodbye before I hung up.

The next thing we saw was me stumbling over my feet into the shack, having one of the worst coughing fits that I have ever had. I fell to the broken up floor, coughing like hell as my body started seizing.

It was now there. After some glitching in the footage, we saw that thing standing in the window of the shack just staring at my form on the floor. My vision went extremely blurry. I could have honestly died right there. With how badly I was reacting, how badly I was coughing, I could've passed out and smashed my head and that would've been the end of me.

“Jay?” Tim tried to delicately get my attention as his hand found it's way back to my shoulder. The video ended and I hadn't even noticed. Tears were streaming down my face as I slowly met Tim's gaze.

I had never cried in front of anyone before. Let alone him.

“Jay, I never got a call that day. I never got a voice mail.” He went on as he set the laptop aside, his free hand gently trying to grab at what little presence I have left while his eyes scanned my face.

I didn't even sniffle. My face didn't scrunch up. The tears just poured down my cheeks, evaporating into air before a single one could slip off my face.

“I want you to know, if I had gotten that message, I would have been there as fast as I could've been.” His voice was always genuine, but this time it was seeping in apologies that he didn't need to give me; regardless, his voice sent me into a full sob.

I hiccupped and trembled as I then tried to hug onto him. Surprisingly, my form didn't go through him.

I clung to him for a long while, trying to compose myself as he just let me take my time. Hushing me softly every so often, as his hand wavered over my back. “There's no shame.” Tim reassured me softly. “There's no rush.”

“We'll be okay. You will be okay. Just breathe for me, Jay.”

Chapter Text

I don't know how long we sat there; Jay letting out so many years of pent up stress in this one moment. I didn't mind. I knew he needed this. To let all of this out. To know that I was here for him.

If I could've hugged him tighter I would have.

I have never been the best at comforting people, but in my defense, I haven't really had people in my life enough to get great practice. But for Jay, I tried my best. Trying to give him what I always wanted someone else to give me.

“I'm... I'm sorry,” Jay choked out through the last of his tears, slowly gaining a grip on himself.

I looked into his eyes, and god knows how much I wished I could've held him a bit closer right then. His eyes were one of the most vivid aspects of him, always and forever as it would seem. “You don't need to be sorry. You needed to let that out... It was eating you up wasn't it?” I asked hesitantly. “I know how it feels to let these things build up,” I went on softly, my gaze never leaving his face as I saw some spare tears threatening to fall from his eyes as I spoke. “It hurts... I wish it didn't have to hurt so much. You've already been through too much.”

His eyes shut tightly as he sniffled. “I did this to myself...” He whimpered, clasping his hand over his mouth after, trying to stop himself from crying again.

I set his laptop and camera on the coffee table as I took a deep breath. “You didn't. You got pulled into this like all of us.” I tried to reassure him.

“I went digging... Alex didn't want to give me the tapes, but I kept pushing him...” He murmured as he sniffled. “It was over for three years... Then I dug everything back up again...”

“Jay...”

“Tim, you said it yourself, I just made everything worse, not just with you, but Jessica too... And Alex...” His voice trialed off, his face saying so much more than he was.

I took his ice cold hands, holding them like snowflakes, I felt the regret paint my face. That was basically two years ago, yet he was still holding onto my words. Despite what we had been through together since then, the words from that night still stuck with him.

“Jay,” I tried to look into his eyes as he looked at our hands. His hands tried to squeeze mine, to little success. “Jay when I said those things I was just- I was angry and confused, I-”

He cut me off with a soft hiccup from the tears that he was trying to fight against. “But you were right.”

“You just wanted to help, you didn't know how and I understand that now... I wish you would understand that too.”

His eyes slowly met mine, his lip was trembling as he just stared at me for a short while.

I felt my heart break at that look. The look that just said he might never forgive himself for this; and that he can't fathom how I have. I gently pulled him against me as I leaned back against the couch, propping my feet up on the coffee table beside Jay's things. “I think we need to take a breather.” I suggest as Jay didn't fight my directing. Admittedly he was stiff for a moment, he didn't seem used to the physical comfort I was offering; but it wasn't long before he rested his head on my shoulder, leaning against me as he tried to relax. His tears managed to dissipate as he calmed down.

“Tim...”

“Yeah?”

“...Thank you,” he let out softly. “I swear you're too nice to me sometimes.”

“I don't think there is such a thing.” I admitted, resting my eyes a bit as my hand rested on Jay's side. “...At least not when it comes to you.” I feel a soft heat raise to my cheeks as I say that. It might not be the best time to fully tell Jay what he means to me, but I want to at least be honest about that. Maybe one day I can tell him everything, but not now.

Jay went quiet after I said that, but it didn't feel like a bad quiet, just a processing quiet.

We relaxed in silence for a while, just trying to recuperate after that file. At the time, I fully forgot about the tape that I had collected from the hooded man. It didn't matter for now. Jay mattered.

After an hour or two of silence, it started to get dark out, and I started to get hungry. I groaned softly as I opened my eyes, glancing at Jay. He was asleep; he finally looked at peace.

Over the years of knowing Jay, I don't think I've ever seen him sleep, personally. I was always the one to fall asleep first at the motels, and he was always the first to wake up.

He looked so sweet.

My gaze wandered his face for a few minutes, a smile lining my mouth as I just soaked in this moment. The first calm moment that either of us have had in years; we've earned this.

Soon enough Jay started to stir awake, due to my stomach protesting the lack of cooking I was doing. I quickly looked off to the side, shutting my eyes again to not seem like I was just staring at him.

Unfortunately, he sat up, yawing a little bit as he did. Oddly enough, it felt like a bit of weight had gotten off me when he had sat up. My eyes slowly fluttered open as I glanced over to him; he looked a little more opaque now too.

“Sleep well?” I asked slightly playfully as I got up to grab something from the fridge, I had to have something around that I didn't have to cook.

“Surprisingly well,” Jay stated as he got up and stretched. “What about you?” He asked as he wandered over to the countertop that separated my kitchen from my living room. His arms propped himself up as he leaned onto it, watching me rummage through my fridge.

I didn't have much in it, but it wasn't fully empty either. It's not like I've had time to go grocery shopping in the past few months; hell it's not like I've had a whole lot of time to eat over these past few months.

“Same here.” I stated simply as I pulled out some bread and a beer. Not an ideal meal, but hey, better than nothing. I set both on the counter, sneaking a glance at Jay as I turned to get some peanut butter from my cupboards. He was definitely more visible now.

“So...” I started off as I grabbed a butter knife. “You uh... you look more...” I tried to think of how to word this, but I couldn't think of how to put it.

His eyes trailed down to his arms, looking for what I was trying to say. “I look more... present.” Is how he put it.

“Mhm.” I hummed as I dipped my knife into the peanut butter, taking a lick off of it before going back in for more to spread on my bread.

“Maybe it's due to rest?” Jay thought aloud as he stood up a little straighter, looking at his palms. I shrugged a bit; even as a kid I wasn't really into the supernatural stuff, his guess would be as good as mine in this case.

He reached for an empty cup on the countertop, and instead of it slipping through his grasp, he was actually able to pick it up and hold it. I wish I could've taped that moment; the way his face looked made my heart skip a beat, he looked so enthusiastic over something so small. It stirred something in me, something that made my cheeks burn.

“Maybe if you get a full nights sleep you could pick up your camera again.” I mused. The meer thought of that seemed to make Jay perk up, grinning like a kid who was just told that they're getting a puppy for Christmas after three years of begging. I couldn't help but to let myself smile too.

The rest of our short evening was spent making sure that there was no way for anyone to get into my house while we slept; Jay was more than excited by the idea of having more strength to his form, and he wanted to make sure that nothing would disturb us. We blissfully chatted as I locked everything up, adding a few barriers here and there for extra precautions. But just as I was moving my couch, Jay paused for a moment in thought before speaking again.

“Hey Tim?”

“Yeah?”

“Where am I gonna sleep?”

I finished shoving the couch against the door in my kitchen before taking a breath and standing up straight again. “I mean, I figured we could share my bed. It's not huge, but it's decent, and it's better than one of us sleeping in one room and one in the other.” I spoke simply, despite how my nerves were up waiting for his reaction.

Jay's cheeks grew a soft tint to them, his equivalent of a blush now. “Are- Are you sure you'd be okay with that? I mean, I can um- I can just sleep out here. On the... On the couch.” He stammered on, which admittedly led me to chuckle a bit with a soft smile.

“I wouldn't have offered it if I wasn't okay with it, Jay. You know me.” I joked.

His gaze avoided mine as he seemed flustered by just the thought of us sharing a bed. I made my way over to him, gently letting my hand hover on his shoulder. “We just took like a two hour nap on my couch together, I think we can handle sharing a bed for the night.” I reassured him, letting my hand leave his shoulder and come back to my side. “Now come on, I'm getting ready for bed and then sleeping til at least noon tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

Tim is surprisingly fast at taking showers. I swear I was only sitting on his bed for about ten awkward minutes before he came back into the room, nothing but a towel on. “You have no shame do you?” I questioned in surprise as I slapped a hand over my eyes. Tim chuckled at my reaction, causing my face to redden.

“What, did you never live in the dorms during college?” He asked playfully as he creaked open one of his dresser drawers.

“I got an off campus apartment.” I muttered.

This only made Tim scoff softly. “You have any roommates?”

“No, but even if I did, I'm sure they wouldn't have just walked around the place naked after a shower.”

“Sheesh. What got into your boxers and stung you while I was gone?”

“What kind of a saying is that?” I questioned, not thinking twice as I removed my hands from my eyes.

He had luckily only just put on his boxers; but the rest of him was still bare, and slightly glistening from the shower steam still clinging to him in condensation. His back was slightly defined, it seemed that these years had treated him well; as well as constant running can treat a guy. My gaze wandered to his shoulders, and down to his arms that were currently slipping through a tee-shirt. I would be lying if I said I didn't envy and admire Tim's physique. I would be lying even harder if I said that his arms were awful to think about. The more I thought, the more I got lost in the phantom feeling of his arm around me on the couch.

“Jay? Come on, Jay.” Tim called out as he snapped in front of my eyes a few times.

Shit- he must have been talking this whole time and I entirely missed all of it. I blushed hard as I tried to stammer out an excuse of a response.

“Huh? S-sorry I uh- I didn't hear you.”

“You feeling alright?” Tim asked me as he pushed his drenched hair back off his forehead.

“Yeah- yeah I'm fine, I just um... I got distracted is all.”

Tim raised a brow at my response, smirking a bit as he sat beside me on his bed. “Distracted by what Jay? I'm awful curious now.” Tim teased.

I could feel my face grow deeper as I looked away from his gaze, not wanting to admit what had been on my mind; that would be humiliating. “Nothing important, Tim.” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

Tim couldn't help but let out a snicker as he adjusted to lay back on the bed. “Alright, alright, I'll drop it.” He said as he got cozy, patting the spot beside him. “I'm too tried to keep picking at your brain, let's get to sleep.”

I looked over to him, hesitating before laying down. I know there isn't really anything weird about us sharing a bed, we've known each other for years by now. But something was inherently intimate about this; I had never shared a bed with anyone after the age of about ten. Tim noticed how awkward I must've looked and raised a brow at it, as if this was something weird about my reaction. “You okay?” He asked as I looked to his ceiling.

I didn't want to meet his gaze; I know those eyes would make me say stupid things in this situation. “Yeah, just... surprised I guess.” I stated as I snaked my arms to rest under my head.

“What's surprising about it?”

“I dunno- just... it's different, is all.”

“Different how?” Tim asked, I could feel the bed shift under him as he turned over to face me. I could just vaguely see his face in my peripherals, it took everything in me to not look over at him. My face and ears started tingling; that fun little sensation that you would get whenever you were thinking about someone who you really like. And you're sharing a bed with him. After crying in his embrace for too long. You know how it feels.

“It... It just is. I don't know how to explain it.” I huffed as I tried to calm myself enough to even glance over at him without stuttering like an idiot teenager.

His face showed how he was trying to figure out what I meant by that. We ended up laying there in silence for a bit, I guessed he was going to drop it, but then he piped up again. “Jay, is there anything you might want to tell me?” He asked me coyly.

His tone only made my face tingle more. Was I that easy to read?

“What? No. What would I have to tell you?”

“Your reaction says you're hiding something from me.” He stated plainly, a grin spreading across his lips as he slowly scooched a bit closer to me.

“Now you're just talking crazy.” I choked out while turning my gaze back to the ceiling.

“Jay,” Tim started off, being close enough to me so that I could feel the heat radiating off of him, warming my presences pleasantly. “You and I both know you well enough to know that there is something you want to say; but you're fighting yourself on it.” He said nonchalantly as he then gently put a hand on my cheek, turning my face so that our gazes could meet.

His touch was so warm. Warm enough to make me melt into his touch, looking into his eyes with a longing that I had not intended to ever show him. That I had not intended to show anybody. I was completely speechless as I looked into his eyes; my cheeks now unaware of the tingling sensation that had taken them over.

I tried hard to find my words, I really did, but it just came out as a few choked out syllables to words that didn't exist. It made Tim blush softly, I was only just barely able to tell from the dim light of his bedside lamp. He couldn't help but chuckle at my sorry attempt to rebuttal him. “Jay, you are just too damn cute sometimes.” He murmured softly to me, his thumb running over my cheek as I tried to comprehend what he had just called me.

Cute.

The way he called me cute felt different than the way anyone else had ever complemented me. It was rare for people to complement my looks especially; it wasn't that I was bad looking, at least I don't really think so, but I was never really one to stand out of a crowd. I was average. Sure, some girls would occasionally call me cute, but it always felt like it was forced. But I never really cared too much about the opposite sex's opinion of me.

But when Tim called me cute, or complemented me to any extent, it always felt so genuine. He truly thinks of me as the way that he comments on me. It makes me feel so damn special.

“Earth to Jay,” Tim teased, trying to pull me out of my dazed state. “Hey, lover boy, are you still with me?”

Chapter Text

“Jay?” I questioned him, snapping my fingers in front of his eyes, hoping to snap him out of the stunned trance I had accidentally put him in. It was too fucking cute to see him all flustered like this. Was it really that big of a shock for him when I called him cute? Or was it maybe the little nickname that I had given to him.

“I- what is happening?” He finally choked out, looking at me with wide eyes as he tried to process the few things that I had said.

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing at his reaction as I rolled to flop on my back. This only made Jay sputter on his words even more, as I gently wiggled my arm in under him, pulling him to fall against my chest.

He was vaguely apprehensive due to being so confused; it just made him all the more cuter. I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead without even thinking about it. Jay went silent at this, all of his sputtering attempts at questioning me fell quiet. The tension grew thick as a tape with a layer of dust on top as I glanced at Jay.

“Did you just-”

“Give you a kiss?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah... Is that okay?”

Jay took a few moments before answering me. “I... I mean, yeah, it is but why did you?”

“It felt right.”

“Is that why you-”

“You ask too many questions.” I stated simply as my hand found a comfort in resting on his lower back; our bodies fit together in every aspect, all of this just felt too right.

“Well can you blame me?”

“I guess not, but still.”

Jay sighed as I chuckled a bit over his reaction, “This can't be real.” He mumbled under his breath, all the while he was relaxing in my embrace.

I raised a brow at that, “What can't be?”

“This!” Jay gestured in between the two of us.

“And why can't it be?”

“... I... You're uh... You're..?”

He didn't even need to finish fumbling over his question before I realized what he was trying to get at. “I'm bisexual, Jay.” I stated simply. To be fair, I can now understand his confusion, I hadn't really been the most open about it. Not from shame, just from no one ever asking me.

I had known for a while that Jay was gay; he had mentioned it to me once years ago, all the way back in college, back in the days of the student project that got all of us to where we are now. It was a late evening when he decided to spend the night at my place with Brian, Alex and I. The other two had passed out pretty early from being filming exhaustion, it was one of the only times Jay and I had talked on our owns back then.

“So, how's college going?” I asked, just to make small talk as I fidgeted with my lighter, trying to get it to light just one more cigarette.

“It's... It's going.” He murmured as he leaned on the railing of my porch.

“Wanna talk about what that means?” I mused as I finally got a drag off my cigarette.

We stood there in silence for a few minutes, Jay was taking his time putting his words together. “Classes are fine, don't get me wrong. It's just I've been in a family situation recently.”

“Oh yeah, you went back home to visit last weekend, right? How did that go?”

“Not... ideally.” He spoke with a sigh. Admittedly, he had seemed off most of the day and he was only getting more off as the night went on. “I got into a pretty bad argument with my parents.” He explained slowly. I remember feeling how hesitant he was to talk to me about it; but I'm glad he did.

“How bad are we talking? I've gotten into a few really nasty fights with my mom, I get how taxing it can be on a guy.”

“They said they disowned me.” He stated, his voice was barely above a whimper as he went on. “I tried to tell them something... Something important about me, and they... they...” He couldn't help but choke on his words, somehow he didn't cry; how he didn't start sobbing I have no clue.

“What did you tell them to make them say something like that?” I asked, immediately putting out my cigarette in favor of putting an arm around his shoulder. At the time, we weren't that close but I just felt like I had to try and comfort him in some way.

“... I told them I'm gay...” He mouthed, just barely audible.

Frankly, I remember pausing at that, but I didn't leave his side. I just tried to think of what to say for a few minutes; I had never told my mom I was bisexual, so I never gave her the chance to disown me before I went no contact. “I hope you know that there's nothing wrong with that. Love is something that you can't pick and choose, you know.” I tried to reassure him. I don't know why I hadn't told him I was bi all the way back then; I think I just didn't want to make it seem like I was dismissing his issues.

I remember that night we spent most of it out on that porch, rambling on about any and all aspects of life. It was one of the most relaxing nights I had back then. I wish we had more of those nights like that before all of this had happened.

Jay snapped me back to the present as he finally starting to talk again. “Really?” He asked softly, his eyes were full of hope at my statement; his eyes shimmered a certain way whenever he looked at me, it was too sweet.

“Really.” I assured him with a soft chuckle, running my fingers through his soft, ice-cold, mousey-brown hair. “I realized that I was back in high school, but I just didn't feel the need to make it known I guess. But to be fair, I keep a lot of things about myself secret.”

“So... You um... Like-”

I couldn't help myself; instead of letting him finish his question, which I could already guess what he had wanted to ask, I cupped the back of his head pulling him into a sweet kiss. His lips, like the rest of them, were ice cold at first. But the more time our lips spent fitted together the warmer his entire form got; he almost felt alive again.

We spent a good few moments, relishing in the intimacy of this act. It felt so right it hurt. My tongue grazing over his bottom lip, trying to see just how far he would let me take this experience.

His lip quivered as he hesitantly parted his lips for me, letting out a soft sigh of pleasure as I gently led my tongue inside his mouth, tracing over every divot and curve. He tasted so sweet; sickly sweet even, just like a spoonful of honey. My one of my hands gently felt its way to rest in the dip of his lower back, holding him as close as physically possible somehow wasn't enough for me.

Eventually, I did have to pull away for air. Gasping softly as I didn't hesitate to go back in, pressing kisses all over his cheeks; leaving soft giggles to fall past his lips. “Tim, stop it,” he playfully complained, putting his hands up in front of his face to try and dampen my kisses.

“Why should I?” I mused as I switched to pressing kisses to the palms of his hands.

“We have to talk about this.” He managed to get out through his chimes of laughter.

“Why do we need to? Why can't we just enjoy the night like this?”

“Because, I have a few things to ask you now.” He insisted as I finally relented my attempts at kissing him further.

“Okay, okay, ask away.” I agreed as I just kept my gaze on his bright eyes.

“Firstly, do you really feel that way about me?” He asked meekly.

“...Jay, I wouldn't have kissed you like that if I didn't. Hell, I wouldn't hold you like this if I didn't.” I reassured him, chuckling at the notion of my kiss not solidifying that answer in his mind.

“How long have you?”

“For a while now. I think I really started feeling it at the first motel we stayed at.” I confessed, letting my hand gently rub circles on his back as my mind wandered back a year or so. “What about you?”

“Huh?”

“How long have you felt this way about me?”

“I... Do you want the honest truth?”

“Absolutely.”

“I've always kinda, sorta, maybe, might've, had a crush on you.” He mumbled softly, his head resting on my shoulder, nestling into the crook of my neck as he relaxed.

“Is that so?” I asked in a teasing whisper.

“Mhm.” He hummed sleepily, growing closer to falling asleep by the second.

I gently pulled the blanket up around his shoulders, letting it retain the soft warmth he had gotten from me. “Before you fall asleep,” I whispered, “can I ask you one thing?”

“Of course.” He assured me with a yawn. “Anything.”

“Was that your first kiss?”

“...Yeah... Was it that obvious?”

“Not at all, I was just curious.” I chuckled, letting my eyes rest.

The room was quiet for a moment, I had almost thought that Jay had fallen asleep, but was pleasantly surprised when he whispered, gently clutching my shirt in his hand. “I'm glad you were my first.”

“I am too.”

I just wish I could've been your first while you were still alive. But when we kiss, it feels like you still are, sweetheart.

Chapter Text

Despite how tired I got, it was hard to fall asleep. My heart- well I don't really have a heart anymore- something raced in my chest as I tried to drift off. He actually kissed me. He chose to kiss me. Something that I wouldn't have believed about ten years ago.

Eventually, when I was at least eighty-percent sure that Tim was asleep, I opened my eyes slowly. My gaze trailed up his face; starting from his jaw and finding their way up to his peacefully shut eyes. It was something so rare to see Tim so relaxed. He was normally a calm guy sure, but calm and relaxed are two different things. I don't know how long I just looked at his face as he slept; honestly I am just glad that he didn't wake up while I looked at him, that would have been mortifying. But it was extremely soothing to just watch him sleep, to see and feel him breathing easy for once. It lulled me right off to sleep.

By the time that I woke up, Tim was already out of bed; admittedly that had given me a heart attack. I sat up with a start, looking around Tim's relatively empty room right before he came back in the room. Tim must've noticed the slight panic in my eyes because he came over to the side of the bed softly hushing me.

“Sorry, I had to get up and I didn't want to wake you,” He said, resting his hand on my shoulder, making me fully feel at ease. “You feel a little more solid after last night.” He commented, squeezing my shoulder a little bit, smiling as he did so.

“You think?” I asked as I looked down to my hands, I even looked a little bit more solid; I was still translucent to a degree, but not as badly as when I first came to.

He nodded as he took my hands into his, just running his thumbs over my knuckles for a moment in thought before standing back up. “I started trying to look into stuff that might help us out with your- uh... condition.” He said as he motioned for me to come with him out to his living room. Of course I followed along close behind.

“I appreciate it, but don't you think we shouldn't spend too much time on that? We gotta figure out what we're going to do about Alex.”

“I know. But, for the time being, we have all the doors and windows in here barricaded, so I think we have a few minutes to figure out what your limits are like this.” He insisted as he sat on his old, faded couch.

“I guess you have a point.” I agreed hesitantly as I took a seat beside him.

He grabbed my laptop from the coffee table, it was already open to a familiar looking forum. “You're getting your information from the SomethingAwful forums?”

“Well, I figured if you had brought up Alex's tapes to these guys, someone on here had to know something about ghosts. And I was right, there is an entire thread on ghosts specifically. So I've been up reading for a little bit and I think I found a few things.” He rambled on as he rested an arm around my shoulders. “In your case, you're what's called an 'Interactive Personality', basically it means you've died but your spirit or whatever retains it's grasp on the living world. Honestly, even though this kind of research isn't really my thing, it's super interesting to see what's going on.”

“Alright, so that's what I am for sure, but what does that mean for me?”

“Well, means two main things. First, I was right about rest. The more rest that you have the stronger your presence is gonna be. Some people think that things like you can get strong enough to possess things, or sometimes even people, but that's a super rare occurrence. Secondly, you're attached to an item that has to be somewhere in here; if that item gets destroyed then your out of here. At first I thought it was definitely your camera, but the more I dug through the thread, I realized it can't be an electronic, or at least it doesn't look like it can be. So I think what we've got to do today is go through things around here and try to see if anything of yours was left here that you can be attached to.” He sated firmly, his hand absentmindedly rubbing my shoulder. “And if it's all the same to you,” he started off softly, “I'd rather keep that item as safe as possible, I... I don't want us to get separated again.” Tim confessed as he looked over to me; his gaze soft and loving.

There was that feeling in my chest again; his eyes reflected his emotions in a way that was intoxicating, distractingly so. “Agreed,” I choked out as his gaze held mine. A smile spread across his lips as we silently stared into each others eyes for short while. With out either of us noticing, we started to lean in closer, as if we had our own magnetism. Soon his lips gently crashed back into mine as we completely forgot the task at hand.

My hands found their way to rest on his shoulders as his found their way to my hips; his grasp gentle but firm and strong. He tugged me along to sit in his lap as a soft sound of surprise left my mouth and landed against his, causing him to snicker at my surprise. “T-Tim?” I managed to fumble over his name, trying to see what he was thinking of, but he didn't answer me, or give me even a moment to ask again. He planted his lips back on mine, this time more passionate than the delicate one just a moment before. His hands, that had been planted at my side, were now adjusting to the new situation.

One was rubbing at my hip, his thumb running under my pants waistband; the warmth of his skin against the chill of my own was still shocking. The other was finding it's way under my shirt to fit into the small of my back, while his tongue was running over my bottom lip once more. I trembled at his touch, and was just about to let his tongue have access to my mouth when my senses came back to me. As much as I really wanted this, right now, we had things that we needed to get done today.

I managed to part away from him just enough to get a few words out. “T-Tim we- we have things to do, we can't do this right now.” I complained as he sighed, resting his head in the crook of my neck; placing a few soft kisses along my collar bone before pulling away.

“I know but come on Jay, can't we take one day to just relax from everything?” He asked, looking into my eyes with a slightly suggestive smile.

“We... We can take the rest of the day off after we find what I'm tied to.” I managed to put my foot down on this, despite how hard looking at him made it for me.

“Okay, okay, that's fair. But I'm gonna hold you to that.” He said playfully.

I don't know how long we spent looking around Tim's place for anything that could be mine. We dug through his entire room, his old college stuff up in his attic; honestly I was starting to feel like we'd never figure it out. We went back into the living room after nearly tearing his entire house apart and fell back on his couch to try and think.

“Man, I have a lot more stuff here than I thought I did.” Tim stated while rubbing the back of his neck.

I sighed as I nodded a bit. You'd never think Tim would hold on to so many things, but admittedly most of what he has here has been stuff he's had for at least the past ten years, if not longer. I glanced around the living room, trying to see if anything would hint towards it.

That's when I spotted it. My hat.

It was on the floor in the corner where my body had been for a short amount of time. I got up, walked over and grabbed it, turning it over in my hands. Its the only piece of clothing I had on when it happened that didn't become all ghostly with me. “Could it maybe be this?” I asked as I waved it over at Tim.

Tim perked up and looked over, thinking for a minute. “I mean, it would make sense; fits the criteria and all. It's not electronic, and I'm guessing it was on you when...” His voice trailed off instead of finishing his sentence, but I knew exactly what he meant.

“Yeah, it seems to be the only thing I was wearing that got left behind.”

Tim got up and walked over to gently take it from my hands. “Well, now that we've figured it out,” he started off with a slight grin, “I gotta keep this with me forever now.” He pushed his hair back before putting my hat on. “What do you think, does it look okay on me?” He joked.

I couldn't help but smile at him and nod. Tim was never really a hat kind of guy, but something about seeing him gladly wear mine felt great.

He smiled back at me before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in nice and close. “Now,” he started off, giving me a soft peck on the lips. “You did say that we could take the rest of the day to relax, so why don't we pick up where we left off?” He suggested as I slightly chuckled at him.

“Okay, okay, we'll do that.” I said through my soft laughs as he pressed some more soft kisses to my cheek. But I caught something in my peripherals on the countertop; my camera with the tape from the hooded man in it. “Wait, wait.”

“What now, hon?”

“The uh... The tape?”

Tim perked up and looked over to my camera as he thought for a moment. “Crap... I forgot about it.”

“Should we watch it first?”

Tim sighed and nodded a bit. “Yeah, we probably should.” He said in a disappointed tone; it was admittedly very cute of him.

I gave him a soft smile before cupping his face. “I promise, after the tape, we will actually relax for the rest of the day. We have plenty of time.” I reassured him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, that made us both melt into each other.