Chapter Text
Tsukasa is very familiar with pretending. On a stage — obviously. He prides himself on his integrity; an honourable trait befitting of a future star, of course! Being truly honest with himself and those around him allows him to grow more and more as a dazzling, shining star!
Of course, Tsukasa doesn't lie. No, he just acts. Acting is an admirable skill that everyone loves! It brings smiles and happiness, and creates wonderful memories!
Tsukasa has learned that you can act off-stage, too. It's not pretending or lying. Just acting. Just for the sake of making others happy, yeah?
Tsukasa does love making others happy. No matter how thickly he lays his self-confident persona on, at his core, he does just love making people happy. Making his people happy.
He remembers, when he and Saki were little (she was missing her front teeth, then. She would stick juicebox straws in the gap they left.), he doted on her so terribly – he’d make snacks for her, make sure she had everything she could need, and, of course, how could he forget, the plays. Acting for her. He was so glad in a way that hurt that those silly little plays did that much for her.
Taking care of her filled a void that ached a little too hard on nights where lamented not being able to help her condition. She could always rely on him, though. He would always make her lunches just the way she liked them, make her smile in the way that few could do.
It was almost enough for him, when she still relied on him. Though he was delighted to see her grow and get healthier, having an “empty nest” made him get… a little antsy. Maybe that’s why he loved nurturing Wonderland x Showtime so much. In a way, it did feel like something he could dote on. He could nurture and be active in its growth, its rise. He could directly help.
It felt good. To protect again. He couldn’t help the desire to care for and nurse things. It just… made him feel like he was greater than he knew he was. An ego boost, maybe. Sure, it may have manifested and spiralled into something weird and unhealthy, but it was an innocent enough wish. Simple enough to fulfil.
It's only recently been unmanageable, like when Tsukasa was eating lunch with Rui, Nene and Emu in the Sekai.
Not a special occasion – Emu just gets lonely.
“Miyamasuzaka gets sooo super-duper boring sometimes,” she puffed her cheeks out, leaning deep into Tsukasa’s shoulder. She was really painfully endearing, pouting like a child.
Emu was the friendliest, the touchiest person he knew ; especially with her unit. She radiated warmth and sunlight — Tsukasa sometimes felt as if even though he leads the unit, they all still orbit and revolve around her. This is true, in a way. Where would they be without her? She was their sun.
She had picked Tsukasa to cuddle up to today. Tsukasa really couldn’t decipher her algorithm for picking who to shower in affection. She used to try to lay across multiple laps or sandwich herself between two people, but... let’s just say she found it easier to focus on one person at a time. A lot less accidental elbows to the face and limbs falling asleep. (Not that any one of them mind. To bask in Emu was a wonderful gift.)
"Ah, Emu-kun, one must be patient!" Rui chimed in, stealing a bite of Emu's lunch. Freeloader.
Rui didn't bring his own lunches often. Something about appetite or textures – he rotated excuses. Of course, no matter how much Tsukasa always offers to bring lunch for him, he always opts to brush him off and steal bites from other people. It was somewhat charming, in an odd way. Huh.
Also worrying. Very worrying. Tsukasa should really offer to cook for him more. He knew Rui, for some reason, was against allowing Tsukasa in wholly. Maybe he was scared to entirely rely on his friends.
That’s stupid. It makes Tsukasa a little frustrated to think about. Maybe he was a hypocrite. He doesn’t quite let his friends backstage yet, either.
Tsukasa almost went to chide him for his theft, but Nene pipes in quickly.
"Emu, you never go too long without seeing us anyways. You can make it through a day." In place of a lunch, Nene's eyes were focused on her switch ; the flick of the buttons punctuating her sentence.
At least someone had grown more confident, Tsukasa acknowledges. Nene was always their diva, lashing out quips and insults (almost always aimed at him. Actually, pretty exclusively aimed at him.). Tsukasa felt a stinging kind of pride when he looked at her now, still their diva. She’s gotten out of her comfort zone a little more, more and more each day. He feels like she’s grown proper roots now, slowly blooming. It was captivating, watching her grow.
"Waah! Even a couple hours feels like decades!"
"Don't be so dramatic. You sound like Tsukasa."
"Hey!" Tsukasa huffed at Nene. He shoved more of his rice into his mouth. It wasn't worth bickering with Nene. Sure, it was all joking around, but when Tsukasa floundered after a particularly good insult — it was a little embarrassing. He'd rather not.
Nene softly smirked, eyes still pinned to her screen. Whatever.
"Tsukasa!" Emu grabbed onto his arm, wildly gesturing at him. "Your bento smells so yummy-yum! Uaaaaaaa! Did you make that yourself?"
Tsukasa grinned. “Ha! Well, of course! You see, I’m very comfortable in the kitchen after cooking for Saki for so many years!” It was actually a fairly simple bento. Well, that was how Saki liked it, anyways.
“In fact, I’m actually quite skilled! Hm… Emu, would you like to try a bite…maybe?”
The signature, shining sparkle in her eyes was enough of an answer, of course Emu wouldn’t deny any food. Though, because this is Emu, of course she didn’t reach for his food. No, she closed her eyes and opened her mouth expectantly.
Oh, okay. This was like when he’d feed Saki. No big deal. (It made his heart race a little, honestly. Emu was so cute. Charming. He shouldn’t coddle her, though – she’s her own person! Just with really, really cute tendencies.)
He felt a kind of smile you can’t swallow down on his face, and a boost in his confidence. The sick feeling in his stomach – it wasn’t his lunch. He clumsily picked up a bit of tamagoyaki and raised it to her mouth ; Emu caught it and gobbled it whole. She really did love food. He shouldn't be too complimented –
Emu loved any food. Yeah. For sure.
“Tsuka–shaaaa! That was SHO SHUPER GOOD!” She spat up a bit of egg on his shoulder as she talked with her mouth full. Gross. Nene frowned at her, cringing.
“Emu, I’m glad but –”
“Chew and swallow first next time.” Nene shook her head. Familiar noises of the joycons flicking and button mashing continued.
“Ooh, but it was too good! Sorry, sorry!” Grinning, Emu held her own face. Her cheeks were flushed, but the kind of flushed that was just a glow. A soft accent to her big smile and warm demeanor.
“Hmm… Tsukasa-kun, you looked a little motherly there. It looks good on you,”
Rui can’t just say that. Disgusting. His weird complex is going to be fueled with so much coal he’s going to explode and die. Does Rui want him to explode and die?
“Wh-What? Rui, that’s –” Tsukasa’s face burned a little.
“Say, can you feed me? I wanna be coddled by Tsukasa-kun, too~”
“Hardly appropriate! Shut up!” Tsukasa silenced him by shoving in a bite of food, anything to get him to stop talking. This was it. He was gonna get a heart attack and die. (The idea of having Rui rely on him, to be at his total and entire mercy – Tsukasa Tenma, you are so so ill. Unforgivable)
Rui smiled at him so softly, chewing his food. (Savoring something he made. Yeah. Tsukasa really needed to push the idea of letting him cook for him.)
Nene scoffed, disguising a small giggle.
“Sorry, sorry, Tsukasa-kun! I couldn’t resist it. The look of pride on your face – was truly one befitting of a shining caregiver.”
“What does that even mean?!”
Tsukasa waved him off, opting to shove his food in his mouth as quickly as possible, finish his lunch, and get out of the Sekai. Nope, he’d have to cut the visit with his friends short. Sorry Emu. Rui embarrassed him a little too much. Right, embarrassed. That was the burning awful pit in his stomach.
(It wasn’t any different to the usual teasing. What was different? Why can he barely handle this? He thought he was getting better at combating the usual taunts and jabs. Ugh.)
“I’m– I’m leaving! I’m going to go to the washroom! I have to … throw up! Feeling sick! Goodbye!”
Tapping hurriedly on his phone, he left the Sekai. A burst of light swallowed him up – leaving his empty bento box.
“...What’s up with him?”
“Ah… the harassment was too much this time, I fear.”
Right. Okay.
Tsukasa was hiding in the bathroom when he first entered the Sekai, so that’s where he ended up. He hid his face his cheeks painfully searing into his sweaty hands. Ew ew ew. It was hot and uncomfortable silence – then he immediately realized exactly what was wrong with him. A fucking boner. Erection. He was turned on. Awful awful awful. Tsukasa Tenma you outdo yourself every day.
Sure, he had a weird thing about saving and taking care of people that he very much pretended he didn’t have. But to think it was a …sex thing was sickening.
(Not hot. Sickening. Very weird implications here.)
No, Tsukasa Tenma, the brilliant star, will continue to shine like he didn’t have this realization. He will act as normal – the most awe-inspiring performance. Making his friends happy out of the goodness of his heart, and only that.
Yes, he’d get to that once he took care of …ugh. He wished he was dead, maybe.