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I rested on the railing of the boat we were traveling on. It was taking me and my two dads to some empty island in Muskoka. "C'mon, Lou! It'll be great!" Chris McLean said to a slightly annoyed me.

I'm Lewis McLean, the singular child of a famous actor. Me and Chris look so much alike. We both have incredibly dark hair, with matching eyes to go with it. But... my other dad, nothing much in common. Truth is, I don't even know his first name. As far as I'm concerned, however, it's Chef.

I sighed, and looked down at the quickly passing water beneath the boat. When I turned my head to my dad, he gave me the look he used to convince me to do anything. He pretended he was upset. "Pwease...?" I chuckled lightly, and rolled my eyes. "God, you're such a baby... Fine. It's a deal. But, I'm not doing any challenges! I'll just be helping you and Chef."

"Nice! You're my co-host!" He grinned at me, and nodded his head. That's just about when Chef walked beside me. "Hey, kid. We're goin' to be there in a minute." I nodded up at him, and leant back on the railing, The both of them admired the island we were approaching. To me, it was not admirable. My dad, however, thought it was amazing, and reality-show material. He laughed, and put a hand on my shoulder, using the other to point at the island. "There it is. Camp Wawanakwa. That's where our contestants are staying for the next eight weeks. What do you think, Lewis?" Even if it was disgusting... I had to give it some kind of chance. "It's... decent..." My dad laughed again, and as soon as we stopped the boat, he jumped off, and landed on the dock.

I looked over the railing concerned, but sighed in relief when I saw he wasn't injured. I climbed down like a sane person, and stood next to him. Chef did the exact same as me, and I noticed he gave Chris a menacing glance, for some... weird reason. "Anyway, we're going live in a couple minutes. Do you want to join me?" "Uh...? Oh, um... yeah, sure. I'm glad I overlooked the script on the way here." "Of course you did! You're practically a copy of me."

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I stood with Dad, basically following him, until he was done with the introduction.

"Yo! We're comin' at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario! I'm your host, Chris McLean, here with my son, my co-host, Lewis! Dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television right now! Here's the deal. Twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will either win a reward or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the loser boat..."

He laughed, holding his sides for a couple seconds, before returning to his speech. I couldn't help but smile, as me and Dad usually had shared feelings.

"...and leave Total Drama Island for good. Their fate will be decided here At the dramatic campfire ceremony, where each week, all but one camper will receive a marshmallow. In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune, which let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle... Black flies, grizzly bears... disgusting camp food... and each other. Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras situated all over the camp. Who will crumble under all the pressure?! Find out here, right now, on Total, Drama, Island!"

One of the interns pressed a button which started the intro, and we let up our expressions. "I'm glad you're here, Lewis. Why don't you wait over there, the contestants will be here soon!" "Uh, hold on. Do I have to share a cabin with the kids?" "I mean... only if you want to. I wouldn't."

"Oh, good. Even though this is a big thing, I can't stand other kids my age." Dad looked at me, slightly worried. I locked eyes with him, quite confused as to why he was giving me that expression. "What?" "Well... the thing is... they're all 16 and older." "What? That's... uh... okay." I was slightly nervous about everything. I mean, considering they were all two years older than me, at a minimum. I'm sure it'll be fine.

"Welcome back to Total Drama Island. All right. It's time to meet our first eleven campers. We told them they'd all be staying at this five-star resort, so if they seem a little T.O.'d, that's probably why."

The first teenager arrived on a boat. For some reason, Dad wouldn't let me watch the audition tapes, or anything. He also wouldn't let me see what the contestants looked like, so this would be my first impression of them.

She had brown hair tied into a ponytail, and she wore square glasses, and had braces. "Hey, Beth!" She ran off the boat, and instantly hugged Dad, wrapping her arms around him. "It's so credulous to meet you! Wow... you're so much shorter in person!"

I glared at her for a second. My dad was sensitive about his looks, so Beth saying that to him immediately caused him to push her off. She noticed me, and gasped extremely loudly, surprising me. "Can it be?! The mystery son of Chris?! I can't believe I get to meet you!" "Uh... how did you know I was...?" "I have a friend that has, like, ten blogs on you guys!"

Dad pushed her to the side, so she stood slightly further away, and welcomed the next teenager. He was tall for a 16-year old. That made him slightly intimidating from afar. When the boat came closer, I could see it was a black boy, wearing a white cap, and had dark brown hair. 'Welcome, DJ!" He stepped off the boat, and looked around. "Yo! Chris McLean! How's it goin'? Hey, you sure you got the right place here? Where's the hot tub?" Never mind, I take it back. I can tell DJ is a sweetheart already. "Yo, dawg. This is it! Camp Wawanakwa!" He high-fived Dad, and walked over, joining Beth and me.

I looked up at him for a few seconds, before looking back down. He seemed to notice I was standing there, because he questioned me. "Are you, uh, Chris' kid?" I looked back up at him, feeling a slight blush on my face. "I- Uh... Y-Yeah. I'm Lewis." "Oh, cool. Nice to meet you, Lewis." He gave me a gentle smile, and I looked back down, trying to get rid of this sudden flustered feeling.

"Hey, Gwen!" The next teenager was a goth. Black hair, with blue-ish green streaks. She looked around confused. "You mean we're staying here?" Dad smirked and shook his head. "No, you're staying here. My crib is an airstream with A.C, that-a-way."  He pointed a thumb in the direction of his large caravan. Gwen scoffed, rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms. "I did not sign up for this." I giggled, and shook my head. I walked over to her, and held up a contract. "Actually, you did." Gwen took the contract out of my hands, and tore it up into little shreds. I looked over to my dad, who was smirking the same way I was. He pulled out multiple other contracts. "The good thing about lawyers, is that they make lots of copies."

I chuckled, and crossed my arms. Gwen scoffed, and looked away. "I am not staying here." "Uh? Well, I hope you can swim, because your ride just left." Gwen glared at my dad angrily, walking to where Beth and DJ were. "Jerk."

Out of nowhere, I heard party music. I looked to see the next boat, and saw a guy partying on the boat. He wore a cowboy hat, had blonde hair, and an open pink shirt. He hopped down from the deck, exactly how Dad did, and gave him a fist bump. "Chris McLean! Sup, man? Honor to meet you, man!" "The Geoffster! Welcome to the island!" I whispered to Dad, so Geoff couldn't hear me. "If he says 'man' one more time, I'm gonna puke." "Gwen seems to agree." I looked over, and saw Gwen motioning her throwing up. I chuckled, turning towards the water again.

The next boat arrived, and I couldn't help but stare. It was a pretty, blonde girl, with a blue headband. Dad whispered to me, elbowing me as a joke. "Not too shabby, eh?" I instantly stopped staring, and looked away, embarrassed. "Oh, shut up." She gently stepped off the boat, and happily looked around, before stopping in front of me and Dad. "Hi... Hey, you look so familiar..." I shared a look with Dad, before shrugging. "I'm Chris McLean. The host? Of the show?" "Ohhh! That's where I know you from! But... why are there two of you?" "Uh... si- similarities..." "Ohhh! Okay..."

I shared yet another glance with my dad, before we both turned towards the next boat. It was a raven-haired girl, and I could already tell she was going to be difficult. "Heather!" She stepped off the boat, and looked around. Beth ran up to Heather, shaking her hand. However, with that, came the spit from the braces. Heather looked at Beth in disgust, cringing away. She stormed off, beside the other teenagers.

The next boat pulled up, and I saw a guy with a green mohawk, a choker, who just screamed delinquent. He climbed down and came in front of my dad, and I noticed he was tall. By tall, I mean taller than my dad, and about the size of Chef. Do you know how tall that is? Because I sure as hell don't. "Duncan, dude!" "I don't like surprises." He gazed down at me, and I didn't make eye contact. I could tell he was talking about me. Dad immediately stepped in, and crossed his arms. "Yeah, your parole officer warned us about that, man. He also told me to give him a holler whenever any time and have you returned to juvie." Duncan sniffed the air, and scoffed. He walked past me, giving me a quick glare to say, 'don't talk to me'. "Okay, then."

Duncan passed Heather, and smirked. "Meet you at the campfire,  gorgeous." Heather scoffed, and crossed her arms. "Drop dead, you skeeze! I'm calling my parents. You can NOT make me stay here!" Dad gave me the signal, and I held up Heather's contract. She gave me a spine-chilling stare, and I hurriedly slid the contract back into the other ones. 

The next guy was skiing behind the boat. "Ladies and gentlemen, Tyler!" He looked like your average jock. Red tracksuit, white and red headband. He also had brown hair. Tyler waved to the camera, but he tripped over a rock, and tumbled on the skis, flying over all of us, landing in the pile of luggage. A suitcase was pushed into the water, and made some water get all over Heather's shoes, and her hair. "Aah! My shoes!" "Wicked wipe out, man!" Tyler gave us all a thumbs up. Everybody returned the thumbs up, apart from Gwen, who stubbornly crossed her arms.

The guy after Tyler had brown hair, some acne, square glasses, and overall just looked like a masculine version of Beth. He was holding a keyboard, and was breathing extremely loudly. "Welcome to camp, Harold." "So, you mean this show is at a crappy summer camp, and not a big stage, or something?" "You got it." "Yes! That is so much more favorable to my skills!" I looked at him in confusion as he walked by, laughing to himself. Chris shuddered, and Harold stood next to Geoff and Gwen, neither of which were particularly happy with it.

"Contestant number nine is... Trent!" "Heyo! Good to meet you, man! I saw you on that figure skating show, nice work, man." I groaned at the mention of yet another one of Dad's dumb old shows, but nobody seemed to notice. Dad's ego, however, was very much boosted by that comment. "Hey, thanks, man! I knew I rocked that show!" "I saw that, one of the contestants dropped their partner on her head, so they got immunity that week." "Lucky! I hope I get dropped on my head." "Me too!" When will they shut up about the dumb show?! "So... this is it?" 

I looked over to the contestants, at the same time as Trent, and saw several things. Heather was squishing her hair to get the water out, and Gwen was blushing at Trent. "Alright then." Some blonde girl arrived, and was carrying a surfboard on her shoulder. "Hey, what's up?" "Our surfer girl, Bridgette!" Duncan scoffed, and rolled his eyes. "Nice board. This ain't Malibu, honey." "I thought we were going to be on a beach!" I nodded alongside Dad, who lifted his hand, pointing towards the shore. "We are." A seagull was eaten by a shark, and we all turned back towards each other. Bridgette seemed happy about this, because she said, "Great.", but she sighed, so I wasn't really sure.

"Alright, that makes-" Bridgette turned around, causing her surfboard to whack us both in the head. Me and Dad exclaimed out in pain, and I rubbed the back of my neck. "Ow, darn it, that hurts!" "Girl, watch where you're swingin' that thing!" Bridgette walked towards the other teenagers, fairly happy. "Hey, guys." "Hey, I'm Geoff." Bridgette then turned around to face Geoff, while most of the other boys ducked down in an attempt to not get hit by the board. "What's up?" "Dang, watch the board, man!" "Hi, I'm Beth!" Once again, she nearly hit the boys in the head while turning around to face Beth. They all ducked down again, only dodging it by a hair. "Hey." "Okay, we've met Surfer Girl, can we get on with the show, please?!" "Oh, gee, someone missed their cappuccino macchiato this morning." Duncan smirked at Heather. "Get bent!"

"Our next camper is... Noah!" I looked to see a bland, tan boy, with dark brown hair, and was holding a book. "You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?" "I'm sure someone did." I looked at Dad, semi-disturbed, but Noah seemed to completely ignore what he just said, and turned towards Camp Wawanakwa, while walking down the pier. "Good. Is this where we're staying?" "It's your mother's house, and we're throwing a party." Duncan chuckled, and Noah returned the insult. "Cute, nice piercings, original, did you do them yourself?" Duncan instantly grabbed Noah's bottom lip, forcing him close to his face. "Yeah, you want one?" "Uh, no thanks. Can I have my lip back?" He then let go of Noah's lip, much to his appreciation although said appreciation was not shown.

After Noah, someone else came. It was a black woman who wore her hair in a ponytail. She also had larger... 'features'... She waved to everyone, and stepped off the boat. "What's up, y'all, Leshawna in the house!" Harold gasped, and I saw how much he already loved her, just by seeing her. She looked older than the rest of us, like... a grown woman. I think she might be the oldest one here. "Yo, baby, hey, how you doin'? How's it goin'?" She high-fived with Dad, and shook her head at the other campers, walking over and standing beside them. "Feel free to quit now, save yourself the trouble, 'cause I came to win! Oh, what's up, my brother? Give me some sugar, baby!" Her and DJ then high-fived, and she stood in between him and Harold. 

"I've never seen anybody like you before." "Excuse me?" "You're real big... and loud." "What did you say to me?! Oh, no, you didn't! You have not seen nothin' yet!" Harold, on the other hand, was trying to defend himself using karate poses, although they weren't getting him very far. "I'll show you big, baby! Oh, yeah, you want some of this!? Well, come on, then!" Dad gave me a concerned look, and I immediately knew to rush in between both of them.

I don't know why, but I'm a natural argument stopper. "Alright, campers! Settle down!" Both Leshawna and Harold stopped, both crossed their arms, and turned away. "Thank you. Hey, there's some new guys!" I turned around to see a boat approaching with two people on it. One was skinny and tan, and one was... large, and pale. They were wearing matching outfits, and their hair was matching, too. "Ladies, Sadie, and Katie! Welcome to your new home for the next eight weeks!" "Oh my gosh, Sadie, look! A summer camp!" "Okay, I've always wanted to go to a summer camp!" They both squealed, and I shared a look of uncertainty with Dad. They grabbed their bags, and ran towards us happily. I quickly dodged them, quite startled.

I joined Dad back on the pier, sighing. The new guy wore a dark teal beanie, and had messy hair. He was also a scruff. "Ezekiel! What's up, man?" He actually looked up... "I think I see a bird." "For God... Ezekiel, listen man. Me and... Chris know you don't get out much, and you've been home-schooled your entire life, and raised by weird, prairie people, but... for the sake of basically everyone, just don't say much, and try not to get kicked off too early." I rolled my eyes, as he eyed me, and walked away. "Handled that exactly how I would've." Dad said, looking down at me. I nodded proudly, while all the other campers seemed surprised. "Oh, that's... Wow."

"Cody! The Code-Ster, the Code-Meister!" Cody had neater hair than Ezekiel, but it was still messy at the front. He high-fived my dad, and looked around. I felt a blush grow on my face, as he nervously smiled at me. "I'm Cody." "Lewis. Nice to meet you." His demeanour instantly changed when he noticed the row of 'hot' women. "Dude, psyched to be here, man! I see the ladies have already arrived. Alright!" He confidently strutted towards the women, and was about to say something to Leshawna, before she stopped him. "Save it, short stuff." He laughed nervously and stood beside the boys.

After him, a girl with black hair and a blue workout outfit. She was definitely tough. "Eva. Glad you could make it." Cody attempted to high-five Eva, but she dropped her bag on his foot. He quickly pulled it away, clutched it in pain, and hopped on the spot. "O-Ow! What's in there, dumbbells?!" With the most serious voice, Eva answered him. "Yes." Duncan spoke up, elbowing Cody. "She's all yours, man."

I heard yelling, and turned my head towards the next boat, only to be pulled into a bone-crushing hug by someone wearing a white T-shirt with a blue leaf on it. "A-Ah, what the hell?!" "WOO-HOOOO! CHRIS! What's happenin'?!" He laughed, and tightened his grip on us both. "This is awesome!" "O-Owen... Welcome...!" Dad anxiously grinned. "Awesome to be here, man! Man, this is so..." "Awesome?" Gwen finished off his sentence. "YEAH! Awesome, woo-hoo! Are you going to be on my team?" "I sure hope so." She rolled her eyes. "WOOOO!" Owen had completely forgotten about the tight hold he had on me and Dad. "Y-You about finished?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh! Sorry, dude! I'm just SO psyched!" He let us go, I regained my balance on the pier,  and groaned. 

"Here comes Courtney." Courtney had brown, short hair, with bangs. She also had tan skin, and seemed tolerable. She waved to everyone, and Dad helped her off the boat. "Thank you... Hi, you must be the other contestants. It's really nice to meet you all." Owen harshly shook Courtney's hand, which messed her up a bit. "How's it going?! I'm Owen!" "Nice to meet you, O- Oh... wow..." I looked at her confused, before turning to see... Oh... wow...

A really, really hot guy. He was tan, he had raven-coloured hair, beautiful, blue eyes, smoking hot abs... 

 "Everyone, this is Justin! Welcome to Total Drama Island." Him and Dad fist-bumped, and he slicked his hair back. "Thanks, Chris. This is great." His voice was quite calming. He walked past me, winking at me as he did so. This made me blush profusely, and I didn't even realize until he stopped looking at me. It was like he put teenagers in some kind of hypnosis, or something! "Just so you know, we picked you entirely based on your looks." "I can deal with that." 

Owen approached him, pointing at Justin's pants. "I like your pants." "Thanks, man." "'Cause they look like they're all worn out. Did you buy them like that?" "Uh, no. Just had them for a while." "Oh, cool..." As Justin passed Owen, I spotted him slapping his forehead, saying "Stupid".

"Everyone, Izzy!" I looked to see a ginger, pale girl wearing a green dress, which I thought was made of leaves. "HI, CHRIS! HEY! WHOOO!" She tripped over the railing, and hit her chin on the pier. I gasped in unison with Courtney, and we both immediately rushed over to help. On the other side of the pier, however, was a group of giggling, immature teens. "Ooh, that was bad, haha!" "Shut up, Tyler!" "She could be seriously hurt!" We both helped her up onto the pier, and she shook off the water like a dog, not showing any sign of injury or discomfort at all. "That felt so good! Except for hitting my chin. This is summer camp? This is so cool! Do you have papier-mâché? Are we having lunch soon?" 

Me and Courtney shared a disturbed glance with each other, and she ran towards the group on all fours. "Now that is a good call!" I stood up, and helped Courtney onto her feet. Courtney walked back over to the group, while I joined Dad, who was holding up his camera. 

"Okay, first things first. We need a group photo for promos. Everyone, end of the dock!" All twenty-two contestants walked over to the end of the dock. I nudged Dad, and signalled him to mess around with them. He chuckled, and his shoulders moved up and down with his laughing. They all posed, and just when he was about to take the photo... "One, two, three... uh- Forgot the lens cap." He moved the lens cap, and he was about to take the photo... "Okay, hold that pose. One, tw-- Oh, wait, card's full. Hang on a sec." I giggled to myself, covering my mouth with my fist. "Come on, man! My face is starting to freeze!" "Got it! Okay! Everyone say, 'Wawanakwa!"

All of the campers said it, but as the photo was being taken, the dock collapsed, and everybody fell into the water. So, that meant the photo of them was of them trying not to drown over the top of each other.

"Okay. Guys, dry off and meet me at the campfire pit in ten." Everybody headed towards the showers, but me and Dad stayed. "I guess it's off to the campfire with us." I laughed, and Dad ruffled my hair. I sat on one of the stumps, chatting with him about the campers, and what we thought of them. The campers came along, and I ended sitting in between Duncan and DJ.

"So, this is Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next eight weeks. The campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates, your competition, and maybe even your friends. You dig?" Harold smiled at Duncan, but in response, he held up a fist, and threatened him. "The camper who manages to stay on Total Drama Island the longest without getting voted off will win $100,000!" Duncan stood up, and spoke. "Excuse me? What will the sleeping arrangements be? Because I'd like to request a bunk under her." I noticed he was pointing at Heather. I glanced, confused, and Dad shrugged at me. "I mean-" "They're not co-ed, are they?" Heather interrupted, standing up, too. "No, no. Girls get one side of the cabin, and dudes get the other." 

That made me even more confused than I originally was. I get why they'd split the girls and boys up, but it wouldn't make sense as to why Duncan wanted a bunk under Heather. "Excuse me, Kyle. Can I have a cabin with the lake view, since I'm so pretty?" "Okay, uh, that's not really how it works here. And... it's Chris." "I have to live with Sadie, or I'll die!" "Yeah, I'll break out in hives! It's true." "This can not be happening." I nod my head at Gwen, and agree. "I wish it wasn't." She looked at me for a second, visibly confused, but she hurriedly brushed her feeling off, and crossed her arms.

"Aww, c'mon, guys! It'll be fun! Like a big sleepover!" I scoffed, and Tyler put a hand on my shoulder, causing me to turn my head to him. "I hope you don't have to sleep next to him." I looked over to see Duncan giving a deer a noogie. "Oh, uh... yeah." I wasn't even sleeping in the cabins! "Okay, here's the deal. We're going to split you into two teams. If I call your name, stand over there. Gwen, Trent, Heather, Cody, Lindsay, Beth, Katie, Owen, Leshawna, Justin, and Noah." Katie gasped, and looked at Sadie desperately. "You guys are officially known as the Screaming Gophers!" "Yeah! I'm a gopher!" "W-Wait! What about Sadie!?"

"The rest of you, over here.  Geoff, Bridgette, D.J, Tyler, Sadie, Izzy, Courtney, Ezekiel, Duncan, Eva, and Harold. Move, move, move!" Sadie was not happy about being split up from Katie. "But Katie's a gopher! I have to be a gopher!" "Sadie, is it? Come on, it'll be okay. Despite Sadie's annoying voice, Courtney comforted her, patting her on the back. "This is so unfair! I miss you, Katie!" "I miss you too, Sadie!" Even with this, Dad completely ignored the crying teenagers. "From now on, you will be known as the Killer Bass!" "Awesome. It's like... amazing."

DJ seemed quite concerned about me, and politely raised his hand. "What about Lewis?" "What?" "Oh, you see, DJ. Lewis isn't a camper!" Everybody gasped, and murmured between themselves. "He's actually my son, who's gonna be helping me." "Why's he so short?" "I'm 14. It's not hard to put the pieces together, Tyler." I stood up, and shrugged. Everybody said, "Oh", and continued to listen to Dad. 

"Any questions? Cool. Let's find your cabins. Gophers, you're in the East, Bass, you're in the West, Lewis, you can pick. Clear?" "Crystal." Duncan said through gritted teeth, and clenched fists. "Uh, excuse me, Chris. Is there, uh, a chaperone of any kind in the facility...?" I looked at Dad, then Geoff, before snickering. "You're all 16 years old. As old as a counsellor in training at a regular summer camp. So other than myself. You'll be unsupervised. You've got half an hour to unpack and meet me back at the main lodge, starting now." I nodded at the same time as Geoff. For now, I'd prefer to just stay with Dad, until I can get to know these guys a little longer.

Dad walked away first, and I told him I'd catch up. However, when he was just out of my sight, I heard a blood-curdling scream come from one of the cabins. I immediately rushed to the door with Tyler, Gwen, DJ, Harold, Heather, Duncan, and Leshawna. "Man, that white girl can scream." We all looked in, to see Lindsay standing on a stool, edging away from a cockroach on the floor. She was freaking out, and yelling. "What is it?! Kill it! KILL IT!" DJ gasped, and screamed like a girl. He then jumped onto a bed, which broke it. I soon found out it was Gwen's bed. "That... was my bed."

I wanted to get this situation under wraps as soon as possible, so I rushed in, attempting to cool Lindsay down, while getting rid of the cockroach myself. "L-Lindsay! Lindsay! Calm down! It's just a cockroach!" While everybody was trying to step on it, I scooped it up in my hands, and ran out the door. For some reason, Duncan ran in holding an axe, but I quickly dodged him. Once I was in the clear, I let the insect go, and it immediately scuttered into a burrow. I let out a sigh of relief, and DJ knelt down beside me. 

"That was brave." "Huh? Oh, ha... thank you. I don't know why, but I have a special connection with animals." "Really? That's cool. My mama does too, you know." I chuckled, locking eyes with DJ. "Your m... mom must be nice. Uh, s-sorry. I... I don't actually... have a mom, so... don't go asking me for advice...!" I laughed my discomfort off, and it seemed DJ was doing that, too. "I better get to the main lodge. Dad is waiting for me." I stood up with DJ, and brushed myself off. 

I got to the main lodge, which was turned into a canteen. I shrugged it off and headed inside, to see Dad sitting at one of the tables. He noticed me, and called me to sit down with him. "What did you do with the campers?" "Oh, nothing much. I guess I talked with DJ about animals, and stuff." "Oh, oh! Do you want to know DJ's title?" "Hm... yeah, alright. Why not?" Dad pulled out a sheet of paper with all the camper's titles written on them. He scanned it for DJ's, and when he found it, he read it out. 

"Hahah! Okay, okay, you're gonna love this one." Unfortunately, Dad didn't notice the campers had come in, and were standing behind us. "Say it! I want to know what makes him so special." I rested my head in my hands, as I thought about what could possibly make Dad laugh this hard. "He- He's called 'the Brickhouse with Heart'! Isn't that so adowable?!" Dad burst out laughing, and I couldn't help but let out a giggle at the cute name.

 That's when I noticed the teenagers were standing there. I elbowed Dad to stop him laughing, and he instantly stopped when he saw we had a crowd. Dad whispered to me, very confused. "Why are they here again?" I whispered back, rolling my eyes. "Lunch, you goof." He nodded, stood up, and clapped his hands together once. "Alrighty, campers! Here is the main lodge, where Chef Hatchet will serve you lunch! Speaking of, it's lunch right now! Go collect your food!" "Woah there, Chris. What about Lewis? How's he gonna suffer? I mean, it's only-" I interrupted Heather mid-sentence, and pulled out my booklet full of plans. "Fair? Good for you, I'm helping Chef in the kitchen. So, I'll have a part in the gross, disgusting food you'll eat!" Dad giggled, while Heather yelled out angrily, and grabbed herself a tray. 

I gave my dad a wink as he walked out, and I stepped into the kitchen, beside Chef. "Hey there, kid. Could you do somethin' for me?" "Sure, what's the thing?" "Tell Harold he'll get a whole lot of SHUT THE HECK UP!!" He turned to Harold as he yelled. Woah. He must've said something super annoying to get Chef to yell like that. But, then again... Chef can get angry over little things. "Anything else that's not screaming at people?" "Huh... not right now, actually. Go hang out with your friends. I'll call you over when I need you." "Cool. Thanks, Chef!" I left the kitchen, and sat beside Eva and Ezekiel, which landed me right in front of DJ.

I chatted with everybody on my table to get to know them better. I kept notes about everybody, so I knew what to chat about later. Turns out, Eva is the top of her school's sports team, but the sport wasn't specified. In Ezekiel's audition tape, he accidentally shot his mom... Bridgette has several water-related trophies, Tyler is great at running, and DJ's mom makes the best soups for when he's sick. But, that was only the people I was in range with. God knows what kind of crap Duncan has done to land himself in juvie with a parole officer. 

I could see Chef was struggling with something, so I went back into the kitchen to help him. "Chef, what are you...?" "Tryin' to do something. Don't leave, I'm gonna need you later." "Alright." I heard Geoff call out from the table. "Yo, my man. Can we order a pizza?"

Within a second, Chef threw a cleaver at Geoff. He missed by a hair, and Geoff instantly learned his lesson. "Woah! It's cool, G! Brown slop is cool! R-Right, guys?" Everybody agreed with him, mainly out of fear. Dad walked in, and stood in front of very anxious campers. "Your first challenge begins in one hour!"

"Lewis, boy." "Huh? What's up?" "Get me another cleaver." "...Well, alright." I was about to pass him one, before I realized what he wanted to do. "Wait. Promise me you won't go off and throw this at anybody." "I promi-" "Especially Dad." He paused. "Fine. I can't say no to you, kid." 

Chapter Text

We all stood atop the cliff. I stood beside Dad, who was explaining the rules to the contestants. "Today's challenge is a threefold." Lindsay raised her hand, but I answered her question before she even asked. "A threefold is something three times as big. Basically, he's saying you have three challenges in one. This is the first." "Thanks, Lewis. I'm glad SOMEONE has some common sense around here. Ahem... Your first task is to jump off this 1,000ft high cliff into the lake." Bridgette laughed, and smirked. "Piece of cake." "If you look down, you will see two target areas. The wider areas represent the part of the lake that we have stocked with, haha, psychotic man-eating sharks. Inside that area is a safe zone. That's your target area, which we're pretty sure is shark-free!" Leshawna looked at us both, with shock. "Excuse me?"

"For each member of your team that jumps, and actually survives, there will be a crate of supplies waiting below. Inside each crate are supplies that you'll need for the second part of the challenge. Building a hot tub! The team with the best one gets to have a hot tub party tonight. The losers will be sending someone home. How about... Killer Bass, you go first?" Everyone was visibly disturbed.

I look at the Screaming Gophers, who were chatting amongst themselves. "Hey, don't sweat it, guys! I heard that these shows always make the interns do the stunts first to make sure it's survivable. Isn't that right, Lewis?!" They called on me, and I walked over. After careful consideration...

"Oh, haha, no. You'll almost, like, definitely die. Sorry!" I strolled off, and joined my dad, who gave me a smirk for what I'd just said to the (now) terrified Gophers. "So, who's up?" Duncan grinned at me as he spoke. "Ladies first." I scoffed, and crossed my arms. "Fine, I'll go. It's no big deal. Just an insane cliff dive into a circle of angry sharks." Bridgette announced, as she jumped off the edge of the cliff. I mouthed 'Sorry' right before she jumped, and sighed. Luckily, she made it without being harmed. Tyler saw her confidence, and decided he should go next. "She did it, yeah! I'm next! COWABUNGA!" Although he made it into the safe zone, he hit a buoy on his way down.

After those two went, everybody began to get more and more confident with jumping. The order went something like this: Bridgette, Tyler, Geoff, Eva, and we came to DJ. He was really, really scared. I was worried for him, so me and Dad went over to him. "Scared of heights?" "Yeah, ever since I was a kid..." "That's okay, big guy. Unfortunately, that makes you a chicken, so you'll have to wear this chicken hat for the rest of the day." He put the hat on DJ, and laughed. "Aw man, for real?" "Bawk, bawk, bawk! That means the chicken path, is that-a-way." Dad then sent him down the escalator. I felt super bad, but I hid it, and watched everyone else jump off the cliff.

After DJ, it was Ezekiel, who bumped into a rock, then Harold, who landed... not-so nicely. Courtney, on the other hand, simply refused. "Excuse me, Chris, I have a medical condition." I rolled my eyes. Here we go. "What's the condition?" "A condition that prevents me from jumping off cliffs." "Chris, put the hat on her. She's starting to get to me." He did so, but instead of peacefully letting her go down the escalator, he pushed her. I snickered, and then just started burst out laughing. "Lewis!" "H-Huh?" I giggled, and wiped a tear from my eye. I turned to see Sadie and Katie hugging each other on the ground, like babies. "Please convince Chris to let Katie switch teams!" "Um, why?" "We have to be on the same team!" I blink at them for a few seconds. "Yo, Chris! The Thunder Twins over here want to switch. Can they?" Izzy perked up, leaning towards Chris by balancing her hands on my head. "I can switch!" "All right, fine! Sadie, Katie, you're on the Killer Bass now, Izzy, the Screaming Gophers." "Whiiich means... you both have to jump now."

Katie and Sadie looked at each other, before they ran, jumped off the cliff, and squealed like a kettle as they fell. "Okay! That's nine jumpers, and two chickens. Gophers, can you beat that?" Heather crossed her arms, and took a step forward. "Yeah, there's no way I'm doing this." "Why not?" "Duh? National TV. I'll get my hair wet!" "You're kidding, right?" Me and Gwen spoke and shrugged at the exact same time. "If she's not doing it, I'm not doing it." Lindsay was definitely foolish, because her and Heather smiled at each other. Leshawna, on the other hand, was not. "Oh, you're doin' it, alright." "Ha! Says who?" "Says me! I'm not losing this challenge cause you got your hair done, spoiled little daddy's girl!" Me, Dad and Noah were actually enjoying this, but Lindsay, Justin and Trent looked shocked. "Back off, ghetto glamour too tight pants wearing rap star wannabe!" I gasped, and laughed, while Beth, Owen, and Gwen began to look shocked, too. "Mall shopping ponytail-wearing teen girl rina(?) bacon and hot soup pathway!" "Well, at least I'm popular!" My eyes widened, as did the grin on my face. "You're jumping!" "Make me!" Leshawna forcefully picked Heather up, ran to the edge of the cliff, and threw her off. Heather screamed on the way down, then screamed something back up, but I couldn't make it out.

"Hey, I threw you into the safe zone! Now, I just hope I can hit it, too..." Leshawna backed up, and sprinted off the edge of the cliff, screaming as she went down. "I thought this was going to be a talent contest." Me and Dad looked at each other for a second, before snickering and giggling like children. ...Wait. "Yeah! No." Lindsay jumped, then Gwen, Cody, Izzy, and Justin. But, Justin didn't scream at all, even when he landed with the sharks, and they were surrounding him. But, the weirdest thing happened. The sharks... were attracted to him. "Well, that's... that..." Beth backed away, and her legs were trembling. "I- I can't do it. I'm too scared. I'm sorry!" "Beth, come on! The rest of your team jumped!" "I- I can't!" I huffed, and did something I never thought I'd do in a million years. I picked her up, and threw her off the edge. I then dusted off my hands, and noticed how my dad wasn't very happy. "Oh, come on! She was being such a bringdown." "The more chickens, the better!" He whined like a child. "I know, I know. I'm not gonna interfere again."

"Let's do this." Trent and Owen high-five, and then Trent jumped off the cliff. He yelled in excitement all the way down, and landed perfectly in the water. Dad then pulled out a megaphone, and spoke into it. "Okay, campers, there's only one person left. You guys need this for the instant win. No pressure, dudes." "Owen! There's actually lots of pressure." I giggled, and watched how much Owen was considering this.

"I was pretty darn nervous. See, the thing is, I'm not that strong a swimmer..." Owen looked away nervously.

"See, I'm looking at this guy, and I'm thinking, 'There's no way he's gonna make it.'" Geoff shrugged.

"I actually thought 'If he jumps this, he's gonna die.'" Gwen looked concerned, shaking her head in worry.

"Take a good run at it, buddy. You can do this!" Dad encouraged Owen, and I gave him a thumbs-up for good luck. Owen backed up away from the edge of the cliff, and put rubber rings on his arms. "I'm going to die now. I'm going to freaking die now." He ran, and jumped off the cliff. He screamed as he did so, and Dad looked on, amazed. When he hit the water, he made a massive wave, and soaked, like, every single person on that beach. Even the shark was on a tree to avoid Owen. Since everybody jumped, me and Dad made our way down to the rest of the group. "Hey, Lewis. Wanna walk with the Killer Bass?" "Um... yeah, alright. I'll meet you back at camp." Dad walked away, as I joined the Killer Bass. "Hey, guys." "Why are you here, Pip?" "Don't call me that. I'm only here because I want to be."

"Great. We have a tiny Chris with us." "Excuse you. I might look like my dad, but I'm definitely not as harsh." "Whatever. Say, why did you throw Beth off, but not DJ or Courtney?" "Because I like DJ." "But what about Courtney?" "Nuh-uh, I ain't touching her." Duncan started to laugh at my answer, while Courtney scoffed and looked away. She was so focused on acting like a brat, she completely forgot how she was at risk of elimination. "Ow! I think I got a splinter." "Lewis! Show Courtney what I mean when she should stop being a chicken." "Alright, Eva." I went over, and picked up her crate, which, might I mention, was, like, double the size of me. I then dropped it, and dusted off my hands. "Yeah, that doesn't make sense how you can do that." "Oh, trust me, Harold, it never has."

"Um... I've got to take a whiz." "Hurry up. We're behind. We are behind, aren't we, Lewis?" I turned to Eva, surprised. I quickly checked my watch, that had all the cameras in the island available, and looked back up. "Yeah. You're behind by, like, I dunno, probably five minutes, not much." "Oh, I have to go too!" "You do? Oh my gosh, me too!" They squealed like kitchen kettles, and followed Tyler into the woods. I heard a buzzing, and then a smack. I turned to Courtney, where the noise came from. "Are you alright?" "I think something just bit me." I nodded.

- - -

Katie and Sadie finally came back. Tyler... wasn't with them. "Hold on, hold on. Some people are missing." "So? My eye is swelling up, and I want to be back to camp sooner than later." "Whatever you think is best." "Ooh! Something is itching me. Is something itching you, too?" "Totally itchy, really bad." I blinked at their complaints, and DJ walked beside me, looking at them, too. Me and him shared a look of confusion. "Okay, it's really, really itching now." "Mine feels like it's burning." I snickered, realizing what was going on. Dad drove his motorbike up to us, and questioned what on Earth was happening. "Oh, they squatted in poison ivy." Dad burst out laughing, and he held his head. "Haha! No way, that is awesome!" Sadie and Katie yelled out in pain as they kept itching their butts. "Dad, you should go ahead. I'll meet you back at camp." "Cool. I was gonna check up on the Gophers anyway." He drove away, and left me with the Killer Bass. "Okay, so you all heard Chris. We're super behind, so we need to get Katie and Sadie's... 'problem' under control." "How exactly do we do that?" "Here's what you have to do. Sit in the water so your shorts aren't covering your butt. You should only sit until the itching calms down, not until it stops entirely. Okay?" "Okay!" Ezekiel walked up to me, and looked down at me. "So, where'd you learn so much?" "Chef taught me. Knowing how to heal yourself is one of the main points of surviving in the woods."

"Hold the phone, eh?! Chris likes Chef?"

Immediately, everybody turned to Ezekiel. I better god damn hope this show doesn't get taken off air. I only just got here, dude. "Zeke! You can't just- Why are you so surprised?!" "I'm not! I just didn't expect it to be Chef. I mean... choice-wise, eh?" I blinked at him, then furrowed my brows in suspicion. "What's that supposed to mean?" Gwen rushed in between us both, and made sure we didn't get too close. "Woah, guys! Cool it. I'm sure Ezekiel didn't mean anything by it." "Whatever." I pouted, and turned away.

"Is Ezekiel suggesting Chef isn't a good father figure for me? That little freak is going to get kicked off, and I'll make sure he's the first! Nobody says bad stuff about either of my dads. Especially not Chef." I shook my head, and crossed my arms.

"I'm going ahead of you guys. Eva, DJ, you wanna get there first?" "Sure, why not?" DJ answered me, but Eva just silently nodded. She picked up DJ's box, and I could see her give Zeke a very stern glare while we were walking past him. "So, what about that medicine stuff?" "Oh, you're actually interested in that?" "Yeah. It'll be real useful back home." "Oh, great! Well, what do you wanna know about?" Eva turned to me, and for the first time, her expression actually lightened up. "Got anything on exercise?" "Oh, there's a bunch of herbs to help with muscle mass growth. I'd recommend Ashwagandha, it's great for gaining muscle strength. It can also help with anxiety, and stuff!"

- - -

I wouldn't stop rambling on until we got to camp. I was in the middle of telling DJ about the best methods to get blood pressure down, cause his mom had a medical condition. "Finally. We're here." "Oh, hey, what's up, guys?" Leshawna stuck her head out of a crate, looking at us. "Aren't you missin' a couple of white girls?" "Oh, uh, they're actually-" The rest of them came after us, and something had happened with Courtney and the other people, they looked really, really bored. 

"Here! We're right here." The problem was, that the Gophers had already finished opening up their crates, and were already starting on the hot tub. "Okay, guys, we're already behind. We also need a project manager, and since I've actually been a CIT before, I'm electing myself. Any objections?" "Where do we begin, cyclops?" I blinked in confusion, and when I turned to Courtney, she had a massive bug bite on her eye. It was swelling up, and everything. "Open the crates, that's where! Bridgette, go find those itchy girls. We need all the help we can get." 

- - -

Beth and Justin perfectly constructed their hot tub, and it looked like something that wouldn't break apart. Harold and Geoff, on the other hand, made a massive mess out of it. The entire thing fell apart, and the machine on the side of it fell on Harold's foot. Heather passed Trent a hammer, to which he hit a nail into the hot tub. Duncan and Tyler on the other hand, fought over who got the hammer, but it flew out of their hands, and headed for Bridgette. Luckily, she ducked down to pick up a piece of wood, but it hit Harold in the groin. When Bridgette stood back up with the wood, she hit him in the chin with it... and then on the head, too. Noah used a bucket to get some water, and when it filled up, he passed it to Cody, then Cody passed it to Justin, and Gwen poured in the water at the end of the line. A leak came out of the Bass' tub, but when Courtney wrapped it up with tape, some more of the water flooded out the bottom.

Dad went up to both hot tubs, and it was clear who was the winner of both teams. "This is an awesome hot tub!" Owen came out of the hot tub, while everyone on the Gophers cheered. When he came over to the Killer Bass hot tub, I noticed a seagull was sitting in it. Dad only tapped it, and it splashed his face with water. He dried his face, and it broke a second later. I snickered, coughing to cover it up. "Well, I think we have a winner here. The Screaming Gophers!" The Gophers cheered, and I nodded in agreement with Dad. "That also means: Gophers! You guys are safe from elimination, and you get to rock this awesome hot tub for the rest of the summer. Bonus!" "Yes!" "Killer Bass... what can I say? It sucks to be you right now. I'll see your sorry butts at the bonfire tonight." 

Lindsay spread out her arms and cheered, beside Beth and Heather. "We won! We all get to stay for another three days!" "Woo-hoo! Haha! We get to sta-ay! We get to sta-ay! We are so awesome!" Owen hugged Heather and Lindsay, happily cheering. "We won the contest!" We all walked to the cafeteria, and I got Owen his clothes back, which Duncan stole. We all went to the cafeteria, and I hesitantly sat next to Ezekiel, because Eva and DJ were there. They were basically my buddies, if that makes sense. "So, uh... what do we do now?" "We have to figure out who we're going to vote off." "Why are you sitting with us if you're not a contestant?" "I'm on medical stand-by. Dad knows I can treat people better than anybody else on the production team." "Okay." "Well, I think we should vote off the princess, or brickhouse here." "What? Why?" Duncan crossed his arms, and rolled his eyes. "Because, unless I'm mistaken, you two are the only ones here wearing chicken hats, and if we ever have to lift the truck, I like our odds with big guy here."  

DJ smiled, and Courtney looked shocked. "Hold on. You guys need me! I'm the only o-" "We know, you used to be a CIT. So, who would you pick?" "What about him?" Courtney pointed to Tyler, and Lindsay, on the other table, instantly stood up, and yelled. "NO!" There was silence and stares everywhere. "I- I mean, there's no salt on the table... bummer." "Hey, at least he jumped off the cliff, chicken wing." "Shut up!" Geoff stepped in between the two, and raised his hand. "Okay, let's just chill out. This is getting way too heavy." "I've had enough prison food for one day. I'm gonna go have a nap." Duncan stood up and left, much to Courtney's annoyance. "You can't do that! We haven't decided who's going yet!" Ezekiel crossed his arms, and shook his head. "I know why we lost, eh. It's cause the girl over here helped Beth off the cliff." "What?" "I'm just sayin, eh? You're not a real boy. You were born a girl, and you're gonna be a girl for the rest of your life, eh."

Someone dropped their cutlery, but apart from that, it was complete silence. Everybody looked at Ezekiel in shock, with open jaws. It took me a couple seconds to figure out whether he was being serious or not. "What's that supposed to mean?!" I slammed my fist on the table, while Eva came over, slamming both fists on the table. "Yeah, home school! Enlighten us!" "Well, just because you feel good as a boy doesn't mean people will treat you like one." Cody, Harold, and Noah stepped back, while the rest of the teenagers watched us, stunned. "Oho, snap! He did not just say that!" "My dad told me to treat your kind like their normal gender, eh, cause you aren't normal, and need to be taught it." 

Eva punched him across the face, and he fell back onto the floor. "Are we still not normal?!" "Uh, not, really!" Geoff perked up again, and helped Ezekiel up. "Okay, guys. Let's give him a break. At least he doesn't think the same about dudes." "But... I do?" Immediately, one of Chef's cleavers came flying towards his face. I grabbed it a second before it could touch him, and glared at Ezekiel. "If I wasn't normal, I would've let this hit you." 

(uh-oh... plot point! chef will now shoot on sight if he sees zeke. important for later.)

- - -

I was standing next to Dad at the bonfire, where I saw several people shooting glares at Ezekiel. Even Duncan was angry at him. "Dude, you've got a lot to learn about the real world." "Killer Bass! At camp, marshmallows represent a tasty treat that you enjoy around the fire." "Here at Camp Wawanakwa, they represent life." "You've all cast your votes, and made your decisions. There are only ten marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the Dock of Shame to catch the Boat of Losers. That means you're out of the contest, and you can't come back." "EVER." Dad nodded, and I knew who was getting voted off tonight. I didn't even need to convince anybody to vote him.

"Geoff. Tyler. Katie. Bridgette. DJ. Harold. Sadie. Duncan. Campers, this is the last marshmallow of the night goes to... Courtney." Courtney sighed in relief, and I crossed my arms, and tapped my foot. "Can't say I'm shocked. I saw you picking your nose, dude. Not cool. Dock of Shame is that way, bro. The rest of you, enjoy your marshmallows. You're all safe tonight." Ezekiel walked down the dock, and stepped onto the boat Chef was driving. Trust me, he fought, and fought hard to get rid of him some other way. It was a fight he couldn't win, though. 

"Yep, this camp pretty much still sucks. But, now that I'm here, I guess I might as well actually try to win." Gwen faced the camera, and looked around the confessional.

"I almost split over that! Little idiot thinks he can act like that in a room full of people and get away with it? He is WRONG!" I shook my head.

"To the Screaming Gophers!" "To the Screaming Gophers!" The Gophers cheered, and sang with Leshawna. I grumbled, as Dad ruffled my hair, but eyed the boat as it left.

"Are you recording this? Good. They can enjoy their little party all they want. But, I am gonna win this competition, and nobody's gonna stop me."

"Oh, we'll see, Courtney. We'll see."

Chapter Text

I stood by Dad and Chef with an airhorn, and was barely containing my laughter. The same went for the two of them, as well. I passed the airhorn to Dad, and he blew it into the megaphone, which made all three of us burst out laughing when we saw the campers' reactions. "Ow! It's 7 in the morning! Do I look like a farmer to you?!" Everybody walked outside, the last one to line up being Harold. Chef went back to the cafeteria, and I stayed beside Dad. I noticed Cody kept giving me suggestive looks, and winking at me. "Hey, Dad, how old's Cody?" I whispered to him, and he whispered back. "He's only turned 15 a month ago. But, we couldn't refuse after watching his audition tape." I nodded. So, is he flirting with me because we're basically the same age?

Cody tried to reach for Eva's MP3 player, but she growled, and nearly bit his hand. "Morning, hope you slept well." Heather was doing... something. "Hi, Chris. You look really buff in those shorts." "Uh, thanks...? Ahem. I hope you're all ready, because your next challenge begins in exactly one minute." "Oh, excuse me. I don't think that's enough time to eat breakfast." "Don't worry, Owen. You'll get breakfast." "Right after you complete your kilometre run around the lake!" Eva raised an eyebrow, before storming over to Dad. "So, you're funny now?!" Geoff and Duncan held her back, and stopped her from punching Dad. Courtney walked over, and whispered something to Eva. "Eva, try to control your temper!" "You're enjoying this, aren't you?!" I took a step back, slightly disturbed. She went from zero to eleven in a matter of seconds. "A little. You have thirty seconds." 

"Okay, that girl Eva has got to handle her temper. She's only been here one day, and she's already thrown her suitcase out the window, and broken a lock on one of the bathroom doors."

I stood on one side of the line, whilst Dad stood on the other. The campers were all getting ready to race each other, even though it wasn't a race, I think. "Okay, runners. On your marks, get set... go!" They all ran, and me and Dad met up at the centre of the line. "So... I'm guessing you didn't tell them about the next part?" "You know me too well. Now, get on. We've got to catch up." I climbed onto the back of Dad's Vespa which he got from... somewhere, I don't know. He picked up his megaphone, and passed several people who were walking. "Pick it up, people! If you're not back by dinner time, you don't eat." "Ugh! I hate you both so much!" Heather stomped her foot as we passed, and I made sure to keep track of everyone we passed, so I could make sure they were all there. The order was, Heather, Owen, Leshawna, Gwen, Harold, Katie, Sadie, Noah, Beth, Bridgette, Justin, Eva, Trent, DJ, Tyler, Cody, Geoff, Duncan, Lindsay, Izzy, and then Courtney. That was just the order we passed them, not the order they came in. 

Me, Dad, and the Screaming Gophers were all in the cafeteria, waited for the Killer Bass to arrive. When they finally did, they were completely out of breath. "Clear a table, stat!" Owen was carrying Noah, and he forcefully pushed things (and people) off the table. I watched Owen perform CPR on Noah, while Courtney walked up to Harold, who was panting at the door. "What took you so long?" "I- I think I'm having heart palpations!" I walked over to him, and knelt down, because he had fallen over. "Splash some water from the lake on your face, and take deep breaths. It'll help." He was speechless for a few seconds, before he nodded, and ran out the door. If he was having heart palpations, he wouldn't be running as fast as he was there. 

"Hey, wait a minute. If they lost, then that means... we won the challenge!" "Hold on, guys. That wasn't the challenge." "What did you just say?" "Who's hungry?!" Dad pulled open a curtain, and revealed a huge buffet, with super nice foods.

"After a whole week of brown sludge, I almost cried when I saw that buffet."

"And there it was. T he buffet table. It was beautiful. There was turkey, and the naval bars, and bakes beans and maple syrup! Can I have a moment?" Owen cried in the confessional.

"No freaking way." "Don't worry. I cooked the majority of it, which means there's basically nothing on that table that isn't edible!" I nodded my head while talking, and hearing that, everyone immediately started eating.

"Listen. I don't know what Chef does to the food he normally gives people, but it must've been worse if they dug into MY cooking like absolute wolves. No offense, Chef. I still like what you make at home."

They'd finished within ten minutes. I fist-bumped Dad, and he walked over to them. "Okay, campers. Time for part two of your challenge."  "I thought eating was the second part." "What more do you want from us?" "Weird goth girl is right. Haven't we been through enough?" Owen, Gwen, and Heather, complained, while Dad shook his head. "Um, let me think about that. No! It's time for the Awake-a-thon." "The... what-a-thon?" "Don't worry, this is an easy one. The team with the last camper standing wins invincibility." Gwen crossed her arms, and exaggerated what she'd done this morning by pointing her fingers around. "So, what you're saying is the 20k and the turkey eating frenzy were part of your evil plan to make it harder for us to stay awake?" "Correct, Gwen!" "Man, he's good." Leshawna nodded, and Dad continued speaking.

"Move, move, move!" Everybody filed out of the cafeteria, and Trent chatted with Gwen as they both left. "So, how long do you think it'll be before everyone's out cold?" "An hour, give or take. Maybe less." "What are you gonna do to make them fall asleep faster?" "I'm not going to spoil it for you, but, haha, Chef's wearing a dress." I giggled, and walked up to the campfire, where everybody was sitting down, fairly nervously.

[ Time Skip - 12 Hours ]

"We are now 12 hours into the competition, with all 21 campers still wide awake." Dad whispered, and Owen just randomly stood up and yelled. "Woo-hoo! Stay awake for 12 hours? I could do that in my sleep. Woo-hoo!" He didn't move a muscle, and then just up and collapsed on the ground. Dad and I shared a quick look, and I shook my head. I was trying to convince him Owen hadn't just died due to exhaustion.

"The Awake-a-Thon was definitely the most brutal thing I've ever done in my life."

Gwen yawned, and since Owen fell asleep, the Gophers lost a point. The trick here was that for each person that falls asleep, the teams lose a point. Whoever got to zero first lost the challenge. Right now, the Gophers were at 9, and the Bass were at 10. "Lewis, I'm gonna go get a few things from the trailer, I'll be back in a few." "Alright." He walked away, and I decided I was going to lie down on the ground, and wait for the stars to come out. In the mean time, I was watching clouds. "This is the most boring thing I've ever done in my life." "It could be worse." "Oh yeah? How?" "I could be stuck here without you to talk to." Gosh, what love birds they are. That'll go south fast.

"So, my strategy is to get to other campers to form an alliance with me, and take to the final three. The only question is who can I find that is either desperate, or dumb enough to do whatever I say?"

Lindsay was doing a handstand, and for some reason, she wasn't coming down. I sat up, and turned my head her way. "What are you doing?" "Just trying to get the blood to rush to my head. I think it's working." "That's just a disaster waiting to happen, but you'll cross that bridge when you come to it." "Hey, can I try?" "Sure!" Heather walked up to them both, and I laid back down. "Perfect. Lindsay, Beth, can I talk to you for a second?" "Sure." The three of them walked off to the side where they couldn't be heard. I noticed Cody walked over to me, and laid down next to me. "What are you doin'?" "Oh, I'm just seeing if I can identify these clouds. At least, until the stars come out." "That's cool. Do you keep track of them in a journal, or something?" "I do, actually. It's right by you. Look through it if you want." I didn't see, but I could hear him flipping through the pages. "This is like a textbook! How long has it taken you to write this?" "My entire life. But, it's all worth it. I'm an explorer, by default, I can't help it." 

Eva stood up, and took off her MP3 player. "I'm going to the bathroom." She walked away, and Dad walked back. 

[ Time Skip - 12 Hours ]

"Congratulations, campers. You've made it to the 24-hour mark. Time to take things up a notch." Chef came in dressed like a sheep, but Cody seemed to have no trouble ignoring him, because he was so busy reading through my journal, and he even asked me questions about it! I've never seen someone so interested in my stuff as much as me. "I'm guessing then... Nacreous clouds are, like, really rare?" "Yeah, I've got nothing on them. They are supposed to appear here in the winter, cause it's cold, but they come really, really early." "I've actually seen them before. I think." "You have? What did they look like?" "It was really colourful, and it was in streaks and curves, and stuff." I giggled at Cody, and he was clearly confused. "That's the Aurora Borealis. That's on page 45." "Oh, right..." He nervously laughed it off, and rubbed the back of his neck.

I only just noticed people were actually falling asleep, and I noticed how tired Cody was getting. "Wow. You really want to win, don't you?" "Yeah, but I want to listen to you more." I felt a blush coming on my face, and I chuckled, lying back down. "What did you do in your audition tape?" "I played the keyboard, and my dad shouted at me." "That's weird. Sorry, I don't mean you! Uh, it's just that Dad said he couldn't refuse. I'm starting to feel he picked people at random." "That's... probably something Chris... would do." He passed my book back, and I nodded in agreement. I heard a crack and a loud thump. Me and Cody saw that DJ had tied himself to a tree, and it fell over. "Timber..." 

"I figured that if I kept moving, I get out last all of them, I just had to keep my eye on the ball." 

The Bass lost a point, then the Gophers lost two, all of a sudden. "So, what's your strategy to staying awake?" "The thing is with me, my energy comes and goes. Sometimes, I'm like this, and other times, I'm a complete mess. I just have trust my body. But, try to stay focused. Tell me about yourself." "I guess I'm sorta tech-savvy... I dunno. I'm sort of your average guy." "Even so, being tech-savvy can be useful. Right, Cody? Cody?" I looked to my side to see he had fallen asleep on me. The Screaming Gophers went down to four points. I must've missed a few people. Owen walked by, and he wasn't wearing any clothes, and he was sleep-walking.

"Did I mention that I ate the entire dish of baked beans and maple syrup? Funny thing about baked beans, they make me sleepwalk."

I sat in silence for a few seconds. "Dude... I'm starting to wonder why on Earth my dad isn't stopping me from seeing this stuff."

Everybody was watching him shocked. Well, the people who were awake, anyway. I didn't have anybody to talk to, but I also didn't want to move because of Cody. The only thing I could do was continue looking for stars I haven't recorded, and listen to other people. "Oh, cool. They even fall asleep together. Still awake?" "Yeah. It's weird, but I think I'm so tired I'm not tired anymore. Does that make sense?" "I really have no idea. Where's the Little Dipper again?" "See the Big Dipper? Follow the handle to that bright star, the pole star and it's right there." Trent sighed, and nodded his head. "Cool." 

[ Time Skip - 27 Hours]

"Look at him. Like a statue. He hasn't moved in over, like, 50 hours." I walked over to Justin with Trent and Gwen, to try and see what exactly what was going on. "That's amazing. Look at the concentration..." "It's also impossible." I tapped Justin, and he opened his actual eyes. Gwen and Trent gasped, while Eva stood up, and angrily pointed at Justin. "His eyelids were painted! I saw it!" Dad laughed, and rushed over. "Get out, I've got to see this! Hoho, that is so crazy incredible! But, you're still out, dude." The Gophers lose another point, which brought them down to three points. 

[ Time Skip - 2 Days ]

I did have to leave Cody a couple times, to go get stuff with Dad. Today, I went to the cafeteria with Dad and Chef to get some coffee. When we were walking to the campfire again, I noticed how exhausted everybody was. I shook Cody awake, and Dad stood behind me. "I'd kill for some coffee right now." "What is the matter with you people?! Come on, fall asleep already!" Gwen rushed over to us, and she was literally begging on her knees. "You gotta hook me up, man! I'll even eat the grinds, anything!" "Sorry, Gwen. Production team only." "Alright, you five, stay with me, the rest of you, go take a shower, for heaven's sake, you stink!" Everybody but Trent, Gwen, Duncan, Heather and Eva moved to the showers. I wasn't sure why Harold was covering himself, but I ignored him, and sipped my coffee. 

"I didn't want it to come to this. I said to Chef Hatchet last night, I said, 'Chef, I didn't want it to come to this, but darn it, these campers are tough, and so I've come up with the most sleep-inducing activity I can find.'" I looked at Dad, confused. "You did?"

"Oh, come on! What now? Okay, you know what Bring it on."

Dad pulled out a book, and I sat in front of him, trying not to drink my coffee too fast. "The History of Canada. A pop-up book. Chapter 1, Page 1. The beaver national symbol, and a 'real', fine hat." Everybody left groaned, as Dad read through the book. I let out a soft laugh, and sipped some more of my coffee.

[ Time Skip - 1 Hour ]

So far, it's been an hour, and we've lost Trent, Eva, and Heather. Now, it was Gwen and Duncan against each other. "Time for a bathroom break. Any takers?" "I've held it this long. I can go all day." "Yeah, fine, but can you hold it for another ten chapters?" I smirked at Duncan, who decided to actually go to the bathroom. "You've got five minutes, as long as you don't mind a little company." Dad pointed at one of the camera crew, and Duncan rolled his eyes. "Fine, but stay outta the stall." The camera guy nodded and followed Duncan into the bathroom. Me and Dad sat patiently for a while, but it eventually got to the 20 minute mark, and we were both getting impatient. 

That's when the camera crew passed him a note. "And we have news! It looks like Duncan's taken a dive on the can, which means the official winner of the Awake-A--Thon is... Gwen!" Gwen fell forward, and fell asleep. "The Screaming Gophers win!" I heard a ruckus coming from the cabins, and I walked over. It was from the Bass cabin, though, so I didn't have to worry about the winners being jerks.

I was suddenly picked up by DJ, and when I looked down, a canoe had been thrown my way. There was a bunch of stuff piled up outside the Bass' cabin, including a mattress, and a surfboard. "What on Earth is going on here?" DJ put me back down, and people were looking very, very scared. "Someone took Eva's MP3 player." "Where is it?!" Again, DJ picked me up, because a radio, a guitar, and a bucket came hurtling towards me. "I think it's safer if... if I just stay up here." Eva stormed outside, and yelled at everybody. "One of you must've stolen it! I NEED my music! Nobody is going anywhere until I get my MP3 player back!" Harold avoided a book being thrown at his head. I was quite scared by how worked up she was getting, and how destructive she was becoming. Heather wasn't surprised by the mess. In fact, she looked confident when walking up to us. "Hey guys. Oh, woah, this place is a mess." I sighed, and shook my head. "Listen, whoever took it might as well give it back, before she destroys the entire camp, and possibly me." "You don't mean this, do you?" Heather held up Eva's MP3 player, and my eyes widened in surprise. 

Eva rushed outside, and took the MP3 from Heather. "Oh, thank you, thank you!" "I was wondering who it belonged to. I found it by the campfire pit, you must've dropped it. But, no problem." Eva finally noticed I was there, and how I was acting fairly cautious of her. "L-Lewis! Uh, hey!" "Hi...?" "So... sorry about that little misunderstanding. I guess nobody stole it after all. Okay, maybe I overreacted a little." "Eva, I'm not gonna lie to you, you need some of that leaf stuff Lewis talked about. What was it?" "Ashwagandha." "Ashwagandha, yeah, that." Eva laughed nervously, and I let myself down from DJ's arms. 

[ Time Skip - 10 Minutes ]

I stood beside Dad, and listened to him talk, nodding at the occasional word. "You've all cast your votes and made your decision. There are only nine marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and collect your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately return to the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers, and leave, and you can never come back. Ever. The first marshmallow of tonight goes to... Duncan. Bridgette. Katie, and Sadie. Tyler. DJ. Geoff. Campers, this is the last marshmallow of the evening. It goes to... Harold." Harold got his marshmallow. "Eva, the Dock of Shame awaits." Eva growled, and stood up. "Nice. Reeeaaal nice. Who needs this lame-o TV show anyway?!" She walked past the campers, and Sadie and Katie looked at each other, fairly concerned. She kicked Dad in the shin, and he fell, but I caught him. "Ow! Have a good night's sleep, you're all safe." Everybody stood up, and I turned my head, worried, to Dad. "You alright?" "I'm good, yeah. Eva? Not so much." 

"See, I told you, 'You can't act like a total, ringing psychopath, and then expect people to just forgive you! No matter how tough, and strong, and fast she is, she's never gonna get a career if she doesn't get her act together." 

"So, Eva was one of their strongest players, and now she's gone. I am so running this game."

"Bye-bye, Eva!" Eva turned around, and threw a very slim, sharp stick towards Courtney. She quickly dodged by ducking, and Eva continued to storm down the dock. "Touchy!" 

"I guess my temper got the better of me, again, but whatever. They just lost their fiercest competitor! I hope they realize that." 

"To the Killer Bass! And... to not end up here next week!"

The show ended, and I took Dad to the medical tent, to bandage his bruise. It was quite bad, and Eva had done quite a number on his leg. 

Chapter Text

I sat with Cody on the steps outside the cafeteria, and laughed while he was telling me this funny story about his school. "And she just collapsed..." A yawn escaped Cody, and he rested his head on my shoulder. He was only a bit shorter than me, and I came up to about the size of Eva. "What's up? I thought you got some sleep." "Yeah, but Harold kept us all awake with his snoring. He wasn't even in the same cabin as us." "Well, we have to go in sometime today. C'mon." I helped him up, and we both walked inside the cafeteria. I sat with the Killer Bass, and Cody sat with the Gophers.

I heard snickering. When I turned around, I noticed what was happening that made everybody laugh. Someone had drawn a moustache with marker on Harold's face. He sat down next to me and Courtney, and looked around at everyone giggling at him, me included. "Okay, what?!" "Someone messed with your face, dude!" I passed him a spoon while giggling, and he gasped when he looked at his reflection. "Hey, sweet 'stache!" "Hey, everybody! It's Gwen!" All the Screaming Gophers clapped and cheered for Gwen. When she sat down at the table, she immediately dropped her head, and it made a thump as it landed on the table. "I'm so tired. I can't feel my face." 

"We are so stinking right now. Okay, yes, Eva was a psycho, but at least she was an athletic psycho!" 

All of a sudden, Heather yelled in our direction. "Hey, fish heads! Way to kick out your strongest player! Why don't you just give up now?" Courtney picked up a spoon, scooped up some of Chef's food, and flung it in Heather's direction. She stepped out of the way, and it hit Gwen directly in the face. "Missed me!" Courtney gasped, before she crossed her arms angrily. "Okay, campers! Listen up. Your next challenge is in ten minutes, so be prepared to bring it!" Everybody filed out the cafeteria, and I waited with Dad, like I usually did. "Chef's gonna take you along this time, Lewis. Is that okay?" "Yeah, it's okay. Why though?" "I have to do an outfit change." "Oh, right. Makes sense."

I walked down the beach with Chef, and it was pretty quiet, until he spoke up. "What's the deal with you and that Cody kid?" "Oh, uh... I dunno. He's probably the first person that's listened to me as closely as Dad and you do. It's cool." "I think he's crushin' on you. You don't know how many looks he's given that you've missed." "Yeah, right. I doubt it." I walked into the gym after Chef, and stood in the middle of him and Dad. "Today's challenge is a classic game of dodgeball. The first lesson of dodgeball is..." "Don't talk about dodgeball?" Noah and Owen snickered, and I rolled my eyes. "As I was saying, if you get hit with the ball, you're out." He threw the ball at Courtney, and it hit her. She was clearly offended, and threw it back. "You can't do that!" Dad, however, being the absolute role model he is, caught the ball. "If you catch it, the thrower gets sent out, and the catcher gets to bring in another team member out on the court." "Throwing balls, gee. Another mentally challenging test." "I know, right?" Lindsay agreed, but Owen and Noah shared a look of confusion.

"Okay. Now, Geoff. Try to hit me." Chef passed a ball to Dad, and since he now had two, he passed one to Geoff. "If you're holding a ball, you can use it to deflect a ball, but if the ball knocks out of your hands, you're out." "So... what do we do again when the ball comes at me?" Geoff threw the ball towards Dad, but the impact from Dad's ball made it fly back, and hit Lindsay in the head. She flew back onto the ground, and got a massive bump on her head. "You're supposed to dodge!" "Oh, right..."  "You have one minute 'till game. Gophers, you'll have to sit one person out each game." 

"Hey, Lewis, I think it might be a good idea for you to wait in the medical tent. I have a feeling there's gonna be some injuries today." "Alright. I'll be keeping track on the cameras." I walked away, with my hands in my pockets.

"Okay. We can't get lazy. The Killer Bass are gonna be trying extra hard to catch up. Who wants to sit the first one out with Sleeping Beauty here?" "Alright, I'll volunteer. Now, let's see all you keeners get out there, and dodge!" Everybody walked to their side of the court, Killer Bass on the right, and the Screaming Gophers on the left. "Bring it on, fishies! Otherwise, winning three in a row just won't be as satisfying." All the Bass gasped, offended, and got angry at Heather. Tyler pointed at her, and yelled. "Oh, you're going down! We're gonna eat dinner to the table, and we're gonna eat it!" I shook my head with a giggle, and Courtney face-palmed. "Both teams ready? Best of five games wins. Now, dodge some balls!"

I connected my watch up to the big screens in the tent, so I wasn't constantly looking down. Chef blew his whistle, and everybody started pelting dodgeballs at each other. People were cheering too, apart from Duncan, who had fallen asleep on the bleachers. Cody barely missed Tyler, and when Tyler had processed this, he growled at Cody. Cody laughed sheepishly, and from that moment, he was done for. Or... so I thought. Tyler spun around a couple times, and then threw the ball. It flew towards Sadie, and hit her smack in the face. "Ooh! That'll smear the makeup!" Courtney groaned, and smacked Tyler across the back of his head. "Nice job, now see if you can try to hit someone on their team!"

Owen roared like a bull, and charged towards Tyler, holding a ball. He threw it, and Tyler was instantly slammed back into the wall. Well, he's definitely coming to see me later. Tyler slid down, and clutched his stomach in pain. He stumbled over to the bleachers, where I spotted Sadie smirking at him. Harold picked up a ball, and aimed it at Leshawna. "Time to unleash my wicked skills." "Yeah? Bring it, string bean! Let's see whatchu got!" Harold started acting like a ninja, balancing the ball on his leg. He then slammed it down onto the gym floor, with, what I assume, was the intention to throw it at Leshawna. I blinked a few times, trying to process what just happened. Sure, it bounced super well, but it didn't even touch the Gophers.

Leshawna and Harold shared a moment of silence. Then, Harold ran away screaming like a girl, but he couldn't escape the ball that was shooting for him. He was pushed head-first into the wall, and Chef blew his whistle. The score was now 5:3, to the Gophers. "And that's how we roll!" Leshawna high-fived Owen, Cody gave her a thumbs-up, and Heather clapped for her. Lindsay walked onto the court, and held up a ball in question. "Can someone remind me of what I'm supposed to do with this again?" Katie hit Lindsay square in the face, so she got another massive bump on her chin. Courtney, DJ, and Katie high-fived, and Chef blew his whistle, counting Lindsay out. 4:3. 

Heather frowned at Lindsay, who waved to Tyler. So, she thought it would be a good idea to absolutely launch the ball at Tyler. It hit his groin, and he immediately covered it in pain, letting out a few tears. "Mommy..." "What the heck was that!? Ref, he's not even on the court!" Chef looked at Heather suspiciously, but she pretended it was an accident, and shrugged. "Oopsies! Slipped." Courtney threw a ball at Heather, only for Owen to be a saviour, and catch it. Chef counted Courtney out, and the score went down to 4:2. Chef called Gwen up to play. She yawned, scratched her back, and walked past Owen. Unfortunately, when DJ threw a ball with the intention of hitting Owen, he ducked, and it knocked Gwen over, and she collapsed. "Ooh! Sorry!" Gwen stood up again, and shook her head. "Oh, it's cool. Trust me."

Now there's only two people left on each team. Cody and Leshawna. DJ and Katie. DJ and Katie threw a ball at both Gophers. Leshawna deflected one, but got hit in the stomach with the other. She walked off, and Cody gripped the ball he had. "Come on, Cody... remember about what I said last night..." I whispered to myself, hoping I could make some kind of mental connection to him through the screen. "Easy out guys, easy out." He suddenly got confident all of a sudden. He spun the ball in the air, before throwing it at DJ. It missed him, for the first part, anyway. It bounced back against the wall, and hit him. "Woah. That is one tough ball to dodge." Then, he picked up another ball, and rubbed it against his shirt super fast, so there was a static force. He threw it towards Katie, and when she tried running away, it kept following her. It eventually hit her, and she hit the wall. 

Cody jumped happily, before confidently walking over and high-fiving Owen.

[ Time Skip - 30 Minutes ] 

Not surprisingly, the Bass were getting absolutely pounded by the Gophers. Chef had been hit by a dodgeball, one nearly hit Dad in the face, Lindsay had acquired two more massive bumps on her face, Owen had also gotten mad and swarmed the other team with dodgeballs, Duncan was waken up, he swarmed Owen with ten dodgeballs at once, then Leshawna, then Izzy, then Beth, and then Justin, Lindsay was making out with Tyler, and I mean MAKING out, and Heather had sent him through a canoe. In my opinion, everything was going swell. 

"Okay, this is it! The final tie-breaking game!" "Go, team, go." The Bass did a team huddle, and Dad made sure to get as much on camera as possible. He even made a science joke. Dad NEVER makes science jokes. "Gophers, Bass, let's send this sample to the lab, and see what you're made of!" Sadie was too busy posing to pay attention, and got hit in the back. DJ quickly avoided a ball by jumping, and Heather copied his idea. "Come on, people! Quick feet, fast hands!" Cody got hit in the stomach, and he went flying back into the wall. I don't know why, but I have a really bad feeling about this. "Knock him out. Rah, rah-" Somebody threw a ball at Noah, and he dropped his book, and fell backwards. "You're right. Sports really aren't your forte." 

Sadie switched with Tyler, and she got hit in the head again. She groaned, and walked back to the bleachers. Duncan shook his head, and Bridgette switched with Tyler, so he could get back into the game. Katie stood up to be called upon eagerly, and quickly ran onto the court. Harold was pretty upset, until Geoff tapped him, and handed him a ball. Duncan wasn't particularly happy about it, and pointed to the back. "Back of the court, princess." Harold followed the instruction sadly, and sighed. Gwen threw a ball at Courtney, and it hit her in the nose, and shared a laugh with Leshawna. "THAT'S for the oatmeal!" "Haha! You messed with the wrong white girl!" 

Geoff ducked, but a ball hit him after he stood back up, and after that, a ball hit Leshawna got hit in the exact same place. For some reason, everybody was getting hit in the face, specifically the nose. Duncan, too, but he got swarmed with two other balls after, and then he collapsed, much to DJ's concern. Gwen was about to get hit by a ball, until Cody jumped in the way. Unfortunately, he took a direct hit to his... 'kiwis', and took a hard landing. Gwen and DJ then threw balls at each other, but they both got hit. The difference was that DJ got knocked out. Then, it was just Harold vs. Owen. I was really struggling to see how this would go. "Sorry, dude. But you've got to go down." "Well, good night, Harold." 

No matter how many dodgeballs were thrown at Harold, he used his 'skills' to dodge them.  He spun around, jumped, and even leant back a full 90°! Both teams were just as amazed as I was. "Woah, timeout! TIMEOUT!" Courtney yelled at Chef to get him to stop the game, and he did. All of a sudden, Harold was being treated like a professional wrestler, with a masseuse, a water bottle, a bucket to spit in, and everything. He didn't use the bucket for his occasional drinks though, he spat the water into Tyler's face. "Man, that boy's got dodge! Where'd you learn that?" "Figure skating." Nice move, Harold. Now tell the truth. "Harold, man, that was awesome, but dodging isn't enough." "He's right. To win this, you either have to throw him out..." "Which you can't do." "Or catch him out. Can you do it?" "Definitely." 

The time-out ended, and Harold got back on the court, and Owen slanted his eyes in concentration. He swung the ball around to give it some speed, then just catapulted it at Harold. "Cowabunga!" He was thrusted back into the wall, with the ball in his stomach. He slid down onto the floor, and I thought it was over for the Bass. Until Harold sat up, ball in hand. He caught it. He actually caught it! The entire team of Killer Bass cheered, while the Screaming Gophers gasped in surprise. "It's impossible! Why?!" Owen sobbed into his hands, and collapsed onto his knees. "Nice dodge, skater nerd." The Bass lifted Harold up, and they were all congratulating him. Even Duncan was, so I knew it must've been super cool.

"Gophers, what happened?" Noah actually looked up from his book for once, and not for a good reason. "What can I say? Weak effort." "Oh, shut it, Noah!" Gwen stormed out, followed by the rest of the team. Before Heather left, she turned her head to him. "You know, for once, I agree with her." "Touchy... What? I'll tell you the team spirit here is severely lacking lately." 

"I guess I'm kind of a role model now that I've won the dodgeball competition. People will probably all want my autograph when the show is over and stuff."

"Well, I'm sorry I got hit in the kiwis!" I threw Tyler an ice pack, and dug through the box of stuff I found in the medical supplies. "Listen, I'm not berating you. All I'm saying is protect your groin next time. Need one too, Cody?" "Nope, I'm good..." "So, you're missing the ceremony?" "Chris said it was okay." "Cause you got hit in the nuts? Whatever Dad says, goes for me. Tyler, you should be good about now. Throw me that pack." I caught the pack, and put it back in the mini-fridge. He left, so it was just me and Cody. It was all silent for a while. I was busy scanning through the several papers I was legally required to sign. "Cody, I forgot to tell you." "What?" He randomly got excited, and I don't know why. He was even blushing. 

"Chris told me to let you know if you do get out of here alive, um... wait, give me a second." I picked up the script I was given. "'If you do get out of here alive... we aren't liable for any injuries to you, any damages to your property, or any deaths to you or your family.'" I looked up from the script, and he looked quite scared. I shrugged at him, and put the script back down. "Attention, campers! Noah has been voted off, and the rest of you are safe tonight. Get back to your cabins, and have a good night's rest." "That's your call, man. Sorry about that script. It's all mandatory." "No problem. I'm totally not gonna have nightmares tonight." He walked out, and was trembling. I think it was something about his family that shook him up, or something, I don't know. But, hey, that's the law for you.

Chapter Text

"I mean, if that's what you want to do for the show, then, I won't stop you. It's also because you'll save us from lawsuits, but, I think you'll do great in the long run." "Yeah, I just don't see the possibility of someone getting hurt each day. But, if someone does get hurt, I'll say the same I said to Cody." "You didn't include the death part, did you?" "I did not." I did. "Good, cause the first time I said that to Courtney, she threatened me with a lawsuit for threat and harassment." I nodded, and shrugged. "That's Courtney for you." "Go take a seat." "Alright."

I sat down on one of the benches surrounding the amphitheatre. It only took a minute before everybody else arrived, and of course, Cody sat next to me. I'm starting to believe what Chef said about him liking me. "Welcome to our brand new deluxe state-of-the-art outdoor amphitheatre! Okay, this week's challenge is a summer camp favourite. A talent contest!" Owen stood up, and cheered. "Yes! Awesome!" Each team has eight hours to pick their most talented campers." Katie and Sadie squealed, while Harold and DJ fist-bumped. "These three will represent them in the show tonight. Sing, dance, juggle. Anything goes, as long as it's legal." Dad pointed at Duncan, and he snapped his fingers in defeat. "You'll be judged by our resident talent scout, former DJ, VJ, and rap legend, Grand Master Chef, who will show his approval via the Chef-o-Meter." The meter was on some wires, which honestly didn't seem safe to me. I remember before the challenges started, Dad said something about us being legally required to save people from death, so... yeah.

"The team that loses will send one camper home tonight. Good luck." Everybody walked off to their cabins, and I got up to business. I told my dad I wanted to hang out with the campers for the majority of the show. He thought it was because I wanted to be a spy, but they seem like genuinely nice people. They're all just from different backgrounds, with different upbringings. I sat in between both cabins, and watched both teams auditioning. Heather blew a whistle, which got my attention, and the attention of the entire team. "Okay, I'm the team captain." "Wait, who said you were the team captain?" "She did. Just now." "Lindsay, Beth and I took a vote, and I won." "Threatening them to vote you isn't exactly democratic." "Hey, snagged you an extra muffin."  Trent approached Gwen, and handed her the muffin. "Trent! You're cool with me leading this project, aren't you?" "Right on, go for it." "Good. Lindsay, Beth and I will be the judges." "Whatever!" Gwen crossed her arms angrily, and sighed.

"You're not going to do that in the contest, it's disgusting." I only walked away for a second to get something to eat. Now, they're arguing like babies. "Yo, Lewis! Check it!" "Hm?" I said, as I turned to look at the Killer Bass. It seemed they had picked their three contestants. DJ, Courtney, and Geoff. "Mixed thoughts, I must say. But, it's got potential." "I'm gonna be on TV, man!" "You're... already on TV, Geoff." "Oh, yeah. Hello out there, dudes!" I shrugged, and walked back over to the Gophers. Maybe they've made their decisions, and I can get back into the forest, and do stuff. Izzy was doing... something. "I call this... the dance of the Rattlesnake!" It was something to do with hypnotising people, cause Owen seemed fairly distracted by her rhythmic movements. "Haha! She's good." 

Beth was spinning fire, and she started to speed up. I made sure to walk over just in case something lit on fire. Everybody looked at each other, concerned, and they backed away behind the tables. "Beth, are you... sure this is safe?" "It's okay, Lewis! I've been practising." She threw both poles into the air, and they spun out of control. Everybody hid behind the tables they were sitting on, and flipped them up to shield themselves. Even Beth dove behind a table. Only one of the fire poles visibly came down, and made a deep hole in the ground. "Practising, huh?" "I... kinda missed the catching class?" "Never throw them if you missed a catching class, Beth!" "Uh, guys? The bush is on fire." Everyone instantly panicked, including me. "Holy crap! What the hell do we do!?" Justin burst through the door of the communal bathrooms, holding a fire extinguisher. He quickly got rid of the fire, and all the girls were swooning over him. Leshawna passed him a water bottle, he ripped off his shirt, and when he drank out of it, a drop went onto his body, and it literally steamed up. 

"Okay... So, I think it's me, Trent, and... Justin... Any objections?" Nobody answered, because they were all too busy focusing on Justin's six-pack. I don't know what they see in him. He isn't even that hot. I walked away, and sat down on the ground in between both cabins again. Cody strolled up, looking much better than he did yesterday. "Hey." "Hey, Cody." "So, you're sticking with the Gophers, eh?" "Don't get ahead of yourself. I'm not staying in the cabins." "But...?" "But... yes. I'm going to hang out with the Gophers." He immediately grinned, and hugged me for no reason. He realized what he was doing, let go, and laughed nervously. "Look, you guys! It's the first hook-ups of the season." Heather pointed at me and Cody, and Gwen and Trent. "Oh, yeah. We are going at it big time." Gwen said mockingly, as she walked into her cabin with Trent. I wasn't quite sure how to feel about it with Cody. Gwen came out a few seconds later in a swimsuit, and Trent followed her. "Gwen, wait up! I'll come with you." "Sure! I mean, whatever." 

"So, can you really stand on your hands for 20 minutes?" "Wanna bet that I can't?" "Oh, you're on!" "I'll take a piece of that action." "Yeah, that's like, virtually impossible." "Ante up!" The people backstage put their bets on a spare crate, and stood in front of Bridgette. "Okay. 20 minutes. Starting... now!" I was given the nod, and started the timer. I didn't bet anything. I was just there because I wanted to be. Bridgette stood on her hands, and distracted Courtney from her violin for a second. Then, her leg got caught up in one of the ropes, which made Harold and Tyler laugh. It caused one of the stage lights to come undone, and it nearly hit Courtney. Luckily she got out of the way, but unluckily, her violin didn't and she tripped, and got a head injury. "Crap! Courtney, are you alright?!" "D-Does it look like I'm alright?!"

Katie, Sadie and I sat with Courtney to comfort her, but I was mainly there to make sure she didn't have a concussion. Bridgette walked over, and stood in front of Courtney. "You killed my violin!" "I-I didn't mean to! There must be something we can do." She took it, and tried to put it back together. Unfortunately, it broke into even more pieces than previously. Courtney's lip quivered, and she started uncontrollably sobbing. Sadie and Katie shook their heads angrily at Bridgette, and I mouthed the word 'sorry' to her, as she nodded and walked away.

Everyone was practising, and I was watching on one of the seats. "Okay. I know I'm not as good as you are at the violin, but I can do this!" "Bridgette... Aw, too bad about the accident. I guess you're going to get your fifteen seconds of fame after all, huh?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Oh, nothing... no one would sabotage their own teammate. Unless they maybe felt threatened." " Hey! Maybe that's how you Gophers operate, but the Killer Bass have more class than that. We're a team." "Well... I guess you'll go down as a team, too. Oh, and, easy on the chips. You don't want to sink that surfboard of yours, do you?"

"Hey, hey, hey! Now, that was totally uncalled for."

"What a bunch of losers. It's so easy. It's almost not fun... I said 'almost'."

"It's the TDI Talent Extravaganza! Welcome to the very first Camp Wawanakwa Talent Contest, where six campers will showcase their mad skills and desperately try not to humiliate themselves. First up for the Screaming Gophers... is Justin!" I sat beside Cody in the first row, and we both blinked at each other when all Justin did was pose, stare at himself, and drench himself with water.

"There are two syllables in hot: Jus, and tin! Man, that guy is so hot, I could kiss him! Uh... because he's a good teammate! Oh... why'd I say that...?"

I whispered to him, and since we were in a half of the amphitheater, nobody would be able to know it was us. "Where does he think he is? A modelling studio, or camp?" Cody snickered, and elbowed me. I held in my laugh, as he finished posing, and Dad stood next to him. "Okay, I don't know what that was... but, daaang! You got some moves, dude." He got a 6 on the meter, which is pretty high, considering there's only 9 bars. Everyone clapped for Justin, and Justin walked off. 

"First up for the Killer Bass... make some noise for the big guy, DJ!" People on the Bass team clapped, but none of the Gophers did, because they didn't expect him to come out in a leotard with a ribbon. He was doing pretty well, until he got tangled up in the ribbon, and tripped over. "Ooh-ho-ho..." Duncan shook his head mockingly, and I stared him down. He smirked and winked at me, and I rolled my eyes. DJ untangled himself, and grinned sheepishly. "Dainty, and yet, masculine. Let's see what Grand Master Chef thinks. The meter showed 2/9. Ouch. "Not much. So, with two acts down, and four more to go, it's the Screaming Gophers... screaming ahead! Next on deck, Trent. Take it away!"

Trent walked on with a guitar, and sat down. "This one goes out to someone special at camp." 

They say that we've only got summer

And I say that's really a bummer.

But we'll swim in the sun and have lots of fun...

It'll just be the two of us...

Nothing to do... just hang...

So let me say only this...

Stick around... for just one kiss...

Both teams clapped, and I even caught Cody looking at me a certain way. No, okay, he's definitely into me. I can't believe it. Chef was right about a crush?! This is like, an actual surprise. Anyway... Trent got 5/9, which is pretty decent. "Nice work! I'm liking your style, dude. And so does Grand Master Chef!" People wouldn't stop clapping, and Trent was staying on stage for just a little too much time. Dad wasn't particularly happy. "Alright, quit hogging my light, buddy." He pushed Trent off-stage, chair and all. "Three down, and three to go, and the Killer Bass are totally sucking so far. Let's hear it for Bridgette!"

It took a few seconds before she actually came out, and when she did stand on her hands, she was gagging a few times, which the boys mistook for burps, which, since they were boys, they found impressive, funny, and cool. "I'm not looking forward to this." "Why?" "She's totally gonna throw up." "How would you know?" "Food, gagging, and standing on head? Not a good combination." She gagged a few times, before vomiting on the stage, then on Owen, to which Cody backed up into me as a reaction. I was used to seeing vomit, but, not in these amounts. Bridgette covered Leshawna, Izzy, Katie and Sadie, before falling into Tyler's arms. Lindsay quickly interjected. "Hey, puke on your own boyfriend!" Heather glared at her, and raised her eyebrows. "On your own what, Lindsay?" "I- I didn't say boyfriend!" "Clean up in aisle three, four, five, and six! In the meantime, we'll take a short break to hose the joint down."

"Going home won't be so bad... I- I can always work at the surf shack."

I rubbed Bridgette's back, who was drinking some water. She was quite shaken up, as was Katie. "Welcome back to the TDI Talent Extravaganza! Welcome back. Okay. So, in a strange turn of events, Bridgette's chunk-blowing fest registered two thumbs up by Grand Master Chef. But, it's not enough to pull ahead the Screaming Gophers, who held the lead with Trent's love song. So, without further delay, here she is for the leaders... Heather!" Bridgette groaned, and took another drink of water. Katie seemed fine as long as she was next to Sadie, so I didn't have to care for her. "Originally, I was going to dance for you. But, instead, I want to celebrate team spirit, with a collaboration." Gwen gasped, and looked very, very scared. "She wouldn't..." 

"So, with words by Gwen, performance by me, enjoy. Ahem. Okay. 'So, I'm trying to ignore him, but he's just so cute. If they had custom ordered a guy to be a distraction for me here, it would have been McHottie!'" Oh, my... that's Gwen's diary! That's totally messed up, man. "'We just totally connect. He is pretty much the only person I can relate to here, and I know it's a cliché, but, I love guys who play guitar.' Thank you." Gwen gasped, before running away. Heather smirked as she left, and I glared at Heather. What an absolute monster. "That was so mean!" "Seriously." 

"Well then, it's down to the final act of the night. Can Geoff and his rad stunts turn it around? I seriously doubt it. Let's find out." Geoff jumped on his board, only for it to split in half. "Woah. That kinda wrecks the ride." "Ya think?" "N-Now what?! We have to send someone out there right now, or we're going to lose this!" "Katie and Sadie are covered in barf!" "Blech. Don't remind me."  "Well, that only leaves Tyler, Duncan, and Harold. We already know Tyler sucks, what can Duncan do again?" "Carve a picture of his skull into a tree? Aah! What are we going to do?!" "I know Harold can beatbox. I've spotted him at night beatboxing to squirrels." "Uh, well... what've we got to lose?"

We sent Harold out, and he beatboxed fairly... well! It went on for about a minute, and there was complete silence in the crowds. Until the Screaming Gophers erupted in clapping and cheering. Bridgette, Geoff, and Courtney clapped and cheered too. "That was amazing!" "Wicked beatboxing, dude! And- Check it out! Grand Master Chef has declared its winner! Even though they held the lead, the Screaming Gophers have been trampled by the Killer Bass." "Harold, that was amazing!" "You did it!" "And, as for the Screaming Gophers... pick your favourite loser, and I'll see you at the bonfire."

"People thought I was mean to Gwen. Whatever. All I needed was four votes against Justin. Lindsay and Beth weren't easy, Izzy's just crazy... and Owen? Piece of cake."

"Haha! Piece of cake..." 

"Kudos to you all for an incredible night of entertainment. Music, drama, barfing! There is only one marshmallow left on this plate. Justin. You reminded us all that looks matter a lot. And Heather. You're full of surprises." "And full of jerktonium, too." I mumbled under my breath. What happened to Gwen tonight, that was just evil. She didn't deserve that. Even Dad thought it was messed up. It's a lot for Dad to think someone's actions were morally wrong. "But reading another chick's diary out loud, to the whole world... Man, that is whack. No kidding, that's really messed up, dude." "Oh, please! Just give me my marshmallow already." "Justin, I personally think this is very wrong. But tonight, hotness just wasn't enough. The last marshmallow goes to... Heather. Time to catch the Boat of Losers, brah."

Justin walked away dejectedly, and Heather literally bragged about having a marshmallow instead of him. "Later, brah!"

"If that evil little cow thinks she's getting away with this, she's got another thing coming!"

"But... no. Seriously. What Heather did was... horrible. I don't understand how she doesn't feel at least a little guilty about it." I looked concerned, but for Gwen.

I suddenly fell onto the floor when I was woken up by a very loud scream. I stood up, and rubbed my eyes. "Dad... who is that?" He sat up, and held his head in his hand. "I don't know... It's been going on for an hour..." "It's super annoying." "I know... Just try and get some sleep tonight." I got back into bed, and sighed.

Chapter Text

Everybody was gathered around the unlit campfire, and I was rubbing my eyes in exhaustion. "Alrighty, campers. Before I tell you about today's challenge, I want to have a serious conversation with you about something that happened last night." I yawned, and rubbed my eyes again. "To whoever thought it was a good idea to swarm Heather with red ants should know that you are the sole reason we are doing this challenge today. Neither me or Lewis have any energy to put up with you today. We stayed up until 4:00AM trying to tune out Heather's screaming." "But... what's the challenge, Chris?" 

"I'm glad you asked. Today's challenge will test your outdoor survival skills. I'm not gonna lie to you. Some of you may not come back alive." Most of the campers gasped, until Dad hurriedly interjected again. "Just joking! I wish. All you have to do is spend one night in the woods. Everything you need is at your team's campsite in the forest. You just have to find it. Oh, and watch out for bears. Lost a couple of interns in pre-production. First team back for breakfast wins invincibility! Well, off you go!"

 Leshawna stood up, worried. "Did he just say there were bears up in here?" "I had an encounter with a bear once! Let's just say, his head looks real nice up on my mantle." "Ooh! This one time, I saw a bear eating our garbage! He had old spaghetti noodles hanging from his big, huge teeth! It looked like blood and guts!" I groaned, and rolled my eyes. When Izzy starts talking, it's common she won't stop. "It was so gross. And we thought he was eating the neighbour's cat Simba, but it turns out he was just lost for a week. Uh, you didn't eat spaghetti, did you? Good, let's go!" "Izzy... for the love of God, shut up!" She looked at me for a second, before rushing away with everybody else. "Hey, Lewis... I think you might need to rest up. You're going all moody on me." "Whatever." I walked back to the trailer, and instantly climbed into my bed.

[First Person to Third]

"Hey, Gwen! Wait up! Can I walk with you?" "No." Gwen quickened her pace, and Trent wouldn't take that for an answer. He hurried beside her, and tried to save the strand of anything romantic they had left. "Hey, if this is about that whole diary thing..."

"Sadie, look! Blueberries!" "I love, love, love blueberries!" "Oh my gosh, me too!" 

"Sadie and I are BFFFL's!" "Best female friends for life!" "We even got the chickenpox together!" "Oh my gosh, that was so fun!" "It was so fun to have someone scratch all your scabs!" "I know, right?!"

Trent walked with Beth and Lindsay, while Heather was itching her arm a few steps ahead. "Ugh! She is so the next one to leave." "Who?" "Who do you think? She dumped Harold's red ant farm into my bed!" Trent shrugged, not seeing how it was fair for Heather to just judge like that. "Yeah, but you did read her diary out to the entire world." Lindsay nodded, and Heather turned around angrily, which stopped the entire group of people she was walking with, who all crashed into each other. "So?!" "So... that was pretty harsh." Trent rubbed his head, and shrugged again. "She is going down!" 

"Okay. Those were so yummy. Can you believe how yummy those were?" Katie rested on a tree, while Sadie stuffed more berries into her face. "They were so yummy. Um... where's the rest of the team?" Katie and Sadie looked around, very confused. "I don't know! They must be nearby. Killer Bass, where are you?!" Both Katie and Sadie called out to their team, to no avail. "Killer Bass! Oh! This is just like when we were seven and we lost our moms at the mall." "And you started to cry, and the security guards had to, like, page our moms and they were so mad." "Oh my gosh, take a pill, like, we're fine!" They stood in silence for a few seconds. "Killer Bass! Where are you?!" 

Owen laughed nervously, and looked around. "Uh... there's no food here." Trent looked at the map, and then his surroundings. "This is a survival task. Let's look at the instructions."  "I wonder if there are any bears around today. Wouldn't it be funny if we made some bear sounds and then they came?" Izzy laughed, and nodded her head. "Haha! That would be so funny." "Roar! I'm a bear!" Heather looked up from her map, quite annoyed by Owen's antics. "Would you please shut up? I'm trying to read here! It says we're supposed to find our own food. I still don't see it." "I think they mean in the woods." Owen started to walk away, and pointed to the forest as he left. "I'll go! I'm good at finding food." "Well, at least this'll be good for my diet."

Sadie and Katie were absolutely exhausted. "You... don't know where we are, do you?" "Yes! Okay, no. It's so not my fault! Have you ever noticed that all the trees look the same?" Sadie rolled her eyes, and looked behind her, at Katie. "Ooh, I knew I should have known better than to listen to you." Katie stopped in her tracks, as she raised an eyebrow at Sadie. "What? You think I'm not smart enough to find them?" Sadie emptied her shoe of some dirt, and rolled her eyes. "You're not exactly the best with, like, directions." Katie put her hands on her hips, and shook her head. "Yuh-huh, I am!" "Nuh-uh. Apparently, you're not! Cause we're lost! L-O-S-T! Lost!" Katie blew a raspberry at Sadie, as she scoffed.

The Gophers had set up camp, and were all sitting outside their tent in front of a fire. "Ugh... I am so hungry." "Mm... I think my stomach ate my stomach." A delivery guy walked up to them, holding a pizza box. "Yo! Who ordered the pepperoni, extra cheese?" "It's for the camera crew! Over here." Heather gasped with jealousy, and scoffed. "No way." All of a sudden, a bush started rustling. Owen walked out, with a handful of fish. "I am man! I bring fish!" "Are you kidding me?" Trent, Lindsay, Izzy and Trent walked over, and helped Owen with carrying the fish. "Aw, man, you're awesome." "Oh, oh! I love fish!" Izzy took a bite out of the raw fish, and it was so uncooked, it crunched as she bit into it. "I... I guess we should cook it first." "How do you know how to fish?" "My grandfather taught me. I caught a shark once; it bit me in the butt. Check it out." Owen flashed all four of them, much to their shock and disgust. Izzy, however, was not shocked at all. "That is so awesome!"

"Well, at least I know how to drive, you... you-have-to-walk-girl. Now who's smarter?" Sadie smirked, as she crossed her arms. "Trip to the beach last year ring a bell?" Katie scoffed. "Oh, I can't believe you're bringing that up. I totally did have a fetch bikini on that day, though, haha." Sadie turned around, and pointed at Katie. "You drove my mom's car into a snack shack!" Katie scoffed, and crossed her arms. "It was totally in my blind spot! Whatever! If it wasn't for me, you'd be riding the bus to the mall!" "Well, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be able to find your way to the mall!" "Oh, I know my way to the mall." Some squirrels started mocking Katie and Sadie. "You lean on me! If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even be on this show!" Katie gasped. "You're just saying that because I'm prettier than you are." "I knew you thought that!" "It's true. Everybody thinks so."

"Sadie's like the prettiest girl I know." Aww, well you're the prettiest girl I know." " We are really pretty, aren't we?"  "Don't you love that we can say that to each other and not feel totally conceited?" " I love that about us!" " Me too!"

"That's it! When we get back to camp, we are so splitting up as BFFFL's!" Katie looked at Sadie worried as she walked away, rolling her eyes. She then got angry. "Fine!" "Double fine!" "Don't you dare double-fine me!"

Everyone on the Screaming Gophers was setting up, with Harold starting a fire, and Courtney, Geoff and Bridgette setting up a tent. "Wow. You pitch a tent like a guy!" Bridgette looked at Geoff, slightly offended.

"'Wow, you pitch a tent like a guy'?! Ugh, that was so stupid!

"I- I mean, you're not all girly about getting dirty and stuff." "Gee... thanks..." Duncan walked over to Courtney, and wouldn't stop staring at her like an object. "What's for dinner, woman? I'm starving." Courtney looked at Duncan angrily. "I hope you don't expect me to dignify that with a response." DJ walked up to the group, holding a bunny. "Hey, guys, look what I found!" DJ patted the bunny a few times, and it coughed in response. Duncan walked over, and shrugged. "Well, I've never had rabbit stew before, but what the heck? I'm game." DJ hurriedly backed away from Duncan, and sighed. "This is my new pet! I'm callin' him Bunny." Courtney walked over, and huffed. "You couldn't find any food? Then... it looks like we're eating grubs and berries for dinner." Duncan looked around, and noticed they were missing Katie and Sadie. "Has anyone seen Tweedledumb and Tweedleidiot?"

A creature howled, while Katie and Sadie continued to walk in endless circles. Only, they hadn't realized that yet. "Katie, look! It's the tree with a fork in it! That's good, right?" Katie sighed, and shook her head. "No. It's not good. It's the same tree we saw two hours ago! We just walked in a gigantic circle!" An owl hooted, which made Katie and Sadie scream, and run away. They were running for a few minutes, and eventually hid in a cave. "We'll be safe here until morning." Some bats screeched, and flew past Sadie, and she screamed again. "We're gonna die here. We're gonna die here." 

Everyone sat around the campfire. "Okay! Fire's hot, fish is grillin', and tent is... tenting?" Owen dusted off his hands, and put them on his hips. Trent walked over to him, and nodded. "Nice goin', man. Fish looks awesome." "Thanks, man. I owe it all to grandpa." "So, you and your grandpa really fought a bear once?" Owen nodded. "Heck yes. It was he scariest day of my entire life." A bunch of people gasped, including Gwen. Heather looked at him curiously, trying to hide the fact she wanted to know more. 

"We were out in the woods, when we came upon the great beast. I tell you, he was ten feet high if he was a foot! And then he roared his terrible roar!" Owen imitated a bear roaring. "We grabbed our shotgun. We knew it was either him or us. It was nothing personal, just the law of the wild. And then, bam! One shot was all it took to fell the great beast. We took his blood and marked ourselves to honour him. It was a good death." 

Heather scoffed, and rolled her eyes. "Yeah right! There's no way you took down a ten-foot bear. Hey, has anyone seen crazy girl?" Everyone looked around, and Lindsay raised her hand. "I think she had to pee." "That was over an hour ago! Izzy! Izzy?!" Trent stood up, and raised concern all around. Owen yelled out. "Izzy the Gopher, where are you?!" All of a sudden, a bush rustled to their left. "Haha! Good. We thought we'd lost you there for a minute- GREAT PYRAMIDS OF GIZA!" 

A bear jumped out of the bush, and growled. Owen screamed, and the Gophers all huddled together in fear, while Owen screamed. "We're all going to die! We're gonna get eaten alive by a bear! Oh, the horror! Somebody help us! I want my mommy!" Heather grew tired of Owen, and tripped him up. The bear growled again, and Heather looked around, very concerned. "The trees! Climb into the trees!" Everyone did so.

An owl hooted while the Bass' fire crackled. Bridgette shuddered, and sighed. DJ put a  hand on her shoulder, to help her relax. "Be cool. It's just an owl." "Sorry. I just get real freaked out in the forest." Duncan shrugged, and smirked. "This reminds me of this really scary story I heard once." "Awesome. Tell it, man." "Are you sure? Because the story I'm thinking of is pretty hardcore." Courtney rolled her eyes, and acted sarcastic to mock Duncan. "Ooh, I'm so scared." "All right. But don't say I didn't warn you. One night, a lot like this one..."

[Time Skip - Five Minutes]

"When they got back to the girl's house, she opened the door and screamed! Because there, hanging from the door handle... was the bloody hook." Every single teammate on the Killer Bass was scared to some degree. Bridgette, however, was definitely the most scared out of all. "They say that this killer is still alive, wandering these very woods. He could be just about anywhere, really. Maybe even right here!" Duncan pulled out a rusty hook, and Courtney screamed. Duncan laughed maliciously to himself, and held his forehead as he did. Everyone was hiding behind DJ. Courtney, who tried to hide her fear, walked out from behind DJ, and scoffed. "Duncan, that was so not funny!" "Oh, yes it was! I just wish it was all on camera! Oh, wait. It is!" "You are so vile. Do your parents even like you?" "I don't know, Jumpy McChicken. I haven't asked them lately." A wolf howled, and Courtney backed up hurriedly into Duncan. He looked down at her in surprise, before smirking, and waiting for her to realize. Geoff gave him a thumbs-up.

Meanwhile, the Gophers were still stuck up in the tree they climbed in. Cody was on the highest branch, as to hide the fact he peed his pants. The bear was still growling, and trying to climb up the tree. "So... what do we do now?" "Ha, don't look at me!" "It was YOUR idea to climb the trees." Heather rolled her eyes. "Well, why don't you ask the bear hunting expert? Hey, Owen! What now?!" "How should I know?" Leshawna stared him down. "Dude. You said you killed a bear." "I was being theatrical!" Heather scoffed, and crossed her arms. "This is all your fault! If you hadn't been growling like that, you wouldn't have attracted him to our site!" Well, excuse me for living!" Owen burst into tears, and started sobbing. Trent put a hand on Heather's shoulder. "Hey, hey, hey. Ease up on the guy. He did bring us all that fish." 

Trent pointed to the fish, and they looked over to see the bear sniffing it, and getting ready to eat it. "Hey! Lay off our fish!" "It's probably already eaten Izzy!" "Then it shouldn't be hungry anymore!" People looked at Heather in surprise. "What? This is survival of the fittest. She should've just peed her pants like Cody." The branch under Leshawna snapped, and she fell down to the ground, attracting the bear. She screamed, and backed up against the tree. The bear approached, and growled. "Dear Abby, she's going to die!" Now Leshawna had nowhere to run. The bear stood up, and roared. "U-Um... nice bear...! Somebody help me!" "Leshawna, get up!" "Run, look out!" "Don't move!" 

All of a sudden, the bear smiled. "Hey, are you okay?" Leshawna looked up at the bear, and did a double-take. "Did... that bear just ask me a question?" Heather and Gwen gasped, while Trent looked at them both confused. Then, the bear took its own head off. Turns out, it was just a costume, and Izzy was inside. "Oh my goodness, I did not see that coming!" "Okay, I'm so confused right now." Everybody got down from the tree, and some people were angry at Izzy. "What are you, some kind of weirdo?!" "I thought it would be funny! Haha!"

"Okay, okay, that was so funny, like 'Oh, it's a bear! Oh no!' And like 'We're all gonna die now! Help! Help!' Haha! And I'm like, 'Rah! I'm gonna eat you!' Ha, like I could actually do that! There's no way, okay? Hahaha!"

A wolf howled, and everyone was inside the Bass tent. Bridgette sat up, and looked around. DJ did the same. "What's wrong? Gotta go pee?" "Like crazy, but, I'm too scared to leave the tent." DJ nodded. "Yeah, me too." Bridgette hesitantly left the tent, and a group of bats screeched, flying towards her. One of them covered her face, and she tripped over a smouldering rock, which flew onto the tent, and lit it on fire, turning it to ash. Everybody turned angrily to Bridgette, and she laughed nervously. 

Izzy was still in the bear costume around the campfire with the Gophers. She was handed a fish by Heather. "Rockin' the fish sticks! Nice!" A bush rustled around again, and a bear popped out, walked towards Izzy, and sniffed her costume. "Heh. Wow, that costume is really good. I mean, I thought mine was good, but this one is like, really good." Trent walked over, and looked at it. "It's probably Chris trying to mess with us. Yeah, nice try, man." "We know you're not a bear, dude." "Wait. Chris wouldn't go anywhere without Lewis. Especially during a challenge." "True... I don't know, Owen. This one looks kinda real." The bear roared at Owen, who was continuously pressing the bear's nose. Heather backed up, and gasped. "Chris did say there were bears..." "Oh, come on, guys! They're just trying to see if they can punk us twice! This is not a real bear, and I'm going to prove it to you." Everybody backed even further away from the bear, as Owen ripped off a piece of hair from the bear's head. It was now definitely a real bear. "Hm. That does look kinda real. The bear roared, and chased everyone up into the tree again.

Courtney stomped her foot. "Great. That's just great, Bridgette! Now, we have nowhere to sleep!" Duncan sat up, and raised his hand. "Yo, drama queen. Relax. It's cool." Courtney crossed her arms. "Cool? 'Cool'?! Things can not possibly get worse!" A raindrop fell on Courtney's head, which caused Duncan to look at her, confused. Then, it started absolutely pouring it down. Duncan smirked, and Courtney groaned, before screaming.

Katie and Sadie were huddled in the cave, the Screaming Gophers were still hiding up in the tree, and the Killer Bass were all crowded underneath a large leaf, being held up by DJ. 

[Time Skip - 6 Hours]

It was finally day, and the thunderstorm had cleared up. The Gophers were the first people awake. Trent stood up, and cracked his back. "Oh! I think it's safe, guys. The bear's gone." Gwen held up a damp, ripped map. "Aaand... the map..." Izzy rubbed her head, and yawned. "'Kay, I don't know how raccoons sleep in trees, because I'm so stiff." Owen walked up to Izzy, and nodded. "They must be really limber." Heather walked up to the two of them, and started yelling. "You know what, crazy girl? I don't wanna hear another word from you, or the bear hunter here. If you two hadn't been acting like bear bait all night, we could have actually slept in our tent!" 

Katie and Sadie groaned, and sat up. "Is it morning yet...?" Sadie rubbed her eyes. "Ugh, I think that was the worst night of my entire life." She yawned, and stretched. Katie tensed up, and her eyes widened. "It was even worse than the night I went out with that guy with the manky bad breath 'cause he ate those sausages at that place... What?" Sadie saw what Katie was seeing. The bear roared, and growled. Sadie and Katie screamed, and ran away, with the bear chasing them for a few seconds. It was clear that was his territory.

Courtney sighed happily. She had no idea what she was sleeping on, but it was comfortable. She opened one of her eyes. "Morning, sunshine." Duncan smirked, and Courtney immediately pushed herself off of him. She gasped, and pointed at Duncan. "Oh my gosh! Ew! You were cuddling me!" Duncan sat up. "I was calmly lying on my back, and trying to catch a few Z's. You were snuggling up to me." Courtney crossed her arms, and scoffed. "You are such an ogre." "I've been called worse." "Ugh!"

"Okay, I just wanna say for the record, that I was totally asleep, and therefore, unconscious at the time of the "alleged cuddling" with said Neanderthal. So essentially, it's like it never happened." 

[Third Person to First]

"Did I interrupt something?" I sipped on my coffee, and watched everybody notice I was there. "Lewis! Nice to see you, man!" "Shut up, Geoff." "Okay." "Get to the point. Why're you here?" "Well, I just wanted to know if you've all realized the twins are gone." "...Okay? They're probably dead, or something." "They're not. I think. But, whatever. Nice rabbit, DJ." "Thanks. He's called Bunny." "Cool. Well, good luck finding Katie and Sadie."

I stood next to Dad, and tried to figure out why the campfire looked smaller than usual. "Maybe it's worms." "Worms? Dad, I think you mean wood mites. Oh, the Bass are here." Courtney gasped, and looked around. "We're the first ones back!" Heather and the rest of her team followed quickly. "Oh, no! They beat us here! This is all your fault!" Heather pushed Owen over, and Izzy laughed. "Nuh-uh. Not so fast, Gopherinos. It seems that the Killer Bass are missing a few fish." "Oh, you mean Katie and Sadie? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they got eaten by wolves last night." Duncan nodded in agreement. "Darn shame." 

Katie and Sadie approached, panting. "We made it!" "Out of breath?" "Yeah. how'd you know?" "Lucky guess." "Well, we're safe, guys! We got totally lost and then got in this massive fight!" "And there was this huge bear, and he was all 'Rahhhh! You're in my crib, so get out!'" "And we had to run, and it was like, so scary!" Heather scoffed, and Courtney rolled her eyes. Oh, Sadie, I'm so sorry I said I was prettier than you!" "And I'm so sorry I brought up the snack shack." "And I'm sorry I said your butt was too big to fit in the bus seats." "You did? "Um, well, not to your face." "Oh, who cares? We're safe! And you're my best friend and I love you!" "Oh, I love you too!"

"Lovely. If you're finished your love fest, I've got some results." "Yeah, thanks to you idiots, we lost the challenge! Just read the results." Dad gave me the nod, and I shrugged. "Killer Bass, say goodbye, cause one of your fishy butts is going home. Gophers, you're going to an all-expense paid trip to the... Tuck Shop." The Gophers cheered, and I spotted the Bass growling at Katie and Sadie, who were still hugging. They both gasped, and looked at each other, worried.

"Okay. You've all cast your votes." I nodded, and started talking. "You know the gist. The camper who doesn't get a marshmallow must immediately hit the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers, and get the heck outta here. And you can't come back, ever." "Now, I can see you're all tired, so, tonight, I'll just throw them to you. Savvy? Courtney. Duncan. Bridgette. DJ. Harold. Geoff. Tyler. Ladies. This is the final marshmallow of the evening... Sadie." 

Sadie gasped, and instantly latched onto Katie. "No! Why Katie? Why her?!" "It's so unfair!" "I so can’t do this! I’ve never been anywhere without Katie! We have to be together, or I’ll totally die!" "Sadie, listen to me. You can do this. You are strong and beautiful, and like, maybe even smarter than me. And plus, you’re like, the funnest girl I know. You have to do it for both of us!" Sadie teared up, and sniffled. Katie walked with Sadie down the dock, as did everyone else. As soon as Katie's foot touched the boat, Sadie began to cry hysterically. "I miss you already!" "I miss you more!" "No, I miss you more!" "No way! I totally miss you more!" "I miss you infinitely more! Bye!"

Jeez. What a cry baby. Actually, no. I shouldn't say that. It must've been hard for her. Relationships are hard to let go of, especially when you know you're not gonna see them again for a while. 

Chapter Text

Sadie was still hysterically sobbing. It's been two hours. Despite my and Bridgette's best efforts, Sadie still wasn't listening. She wouldn't leave the dock. She wouldn't even stand up. I get that losing someone can hurt, but this is just pathetic. I nodded at Bridgette, who put a hand on Sadie's shoulder. "Katie would want you to keep going." Still, unresponsive. I whispered to Bridgette. "Try again. If she doesn't want to go this time, let me take over." "Alright. Um... come on. Let's go back and join the others." Nothing. I sighed, and rolled up my sleeves. I tried pulling Sadie, but she wouldn't budge. I got Bridgette to help me, but Sadie literally ripped up a board from the dock. Like, a full wooden board. "Sadie, I don't mean to upset you more, but you're paying for that." 

I took Sadie's hand, and Bridgette lead us all back to the campfire, where the Killer Bass were sitting. Bridgette sat down next to Geoff, and everyone looked at both me and Sadie with surprise. "It was... a long goodbye." I sat Sadie down, and I was just about to walk away, until all the Gophers came by. "Hey, Lewis." "Hello, Cody." "Shut up, Lewis! Let me handle these guys." "Uh, whatever." I sat down next to DJ, and crossed my arms. "What do you guys want? Come to rub it in?" "We got you some extra dessert after out tuck shop party. Thought you might want some." Beth held up a plate of green jelly with a... gummy worm in it? 

Courtney wasn't believing a word of it. "So, what? You're just being... nice?" Gwen sighed, and shrugged.  "Okay. Owen stank up our cabin and we need some time to air out." Owen farted again, and Trent looked at him. "Ew. Dude?" Beth walked over, and showed Courtney a closer look at the jelly, and she freaked out. "NO! Uh- I, I mean... no thanks. I'm good." Duncan sat up, and questioned her. "What, are you on a diet, or something?" I chuckled, and rolled my eyes. "Pfft. I doubt." "Shut up! I- I just don't like green jelly, okay?" Beth walked towards me, Duncan and DJ with the jelly, and when she held it up, DJ screamed, and forcefully slapped it out of Beth's hands. "SNAKE!" "DJ! What the heck was that?!" Cody walked next to me, and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, dude. It was just a gummy worm." "Sorry for trippin', dudes. Snakes just freak me out." DJ held himself, and shuddered.

Tyler pat him on the back, and nodded. "I feel you. Chickens give me the creeps, dude." Gwen's eyes widened, as she pointed a finger at Tyler. "You're afraid of chickens?" Duncan laughed. "Wow, that's... that's really lame, man!" He elbowed me, trying to get me to laugh. I did not laugh. "Hey, now. It's completely rational." 

" So suddenly, everyone's having this big share-fest by the fire. Like Beth went on and on about how her mortal fear is being covered by bugs, Harold's afraid of ninjas, even Heather admitted she's afraid of sumo wrestlers."

"What's my worst fear? I guess being buried alive." Lindsay raised her hand. "Walking through a minefield. In heels." Owen quickly shook his head. "Flying. Man, that's some crazy stuff." Izzy agreed. "Hah! I would never go up in a plane. Never!" "I'm scared of hail. It's small but deadly, dude." "Being left alone in the woods." Sadie, who was still crying, hugged the board even tighter. "B-Bad haircuts..." "Ooh, wait! I changed mine! That's so much scarier than a minefield!" Cody leant into me, as he shared his fear. "Defusing a time bomb under pressure." Courtney shook her head, and shrugged. "I'm not really afraid of anything." Duncan coughed to hide the thing he said, but everybody heard it. "Bologna." "Oh, really? Well, what's your worst phobia, Mr. Know-It-All?" 

Everyone looked at Duncan, while I decided it would be a good time to elbow him back. "Well?" He groaned, and covered his face, and mumbled something. Cody laughed. "Haha, ex-squeeze me? I didn't quite get that." "Dude, did you say Celine Dion music store standees?" "Ooh! I love Celine Dion! Uh, what's a standee?" "You know... That cardboard cut-out thing that stands in the music store." Duncan pointed at Trent angrily. "Don't...! Say it, dude!" "Kinda like a life-sized, but flat Celine." "So... we had a cardboard standee right now..." Duncan yelled, and covered his ears. "Shut it! What about you guys?" 

Trent looked at everybody, and sighed. "Okay, well, I hate mimes. Like, a lot. All right, Courtney, you're afraid of something. Spit it out." Courtney crossed her arms. "Nope. Nothing." I whispered to Duncan, and snickered. "That's not what she said last night." He chuckled, before stopping suddenly. "How did you know-" "Duncan, did you ever consider that maybe I was just humouring you and your stupid story?" "Uh-! Sure, sure, princess. Whatever floats your boat." 

"Shut up! Lewis! What about you? You haven't told us your fear!" "I'm not saying anything." "That's no fair. We shared ours." "Fine. Loss." Everyone expressed confusion as I crossed my arms. "Loss? As in... losing someone." "That's pathetic!" "Says the delinquent afraid of music store standees." "Shut it, pip." "Say that again. I dare you." I growled at him, and pointed at him. Trent stepped in between us, and stopped both of us. "Cool it, dudes. No need to get violent over little fears." I scoffed, and crossed my arms. "We'll see." 

[Time Skip - 6 Hours]

"Alright. I think it's about time." "Cool." "Campers, your next challenge is a little game I like to call... Phobia Factor! Prepare to face... your worst fears!" Duncan slammed his hands on the table, and stood up. "You knew!" I shrugged, and Duncan sat back down. "Worse than this?" "We're... in trouble." "Now for our first victims, Heather! Meet us all in the theatre! It's... sumo time!" Heather spat out her drink in surprise, while Beth, Cody and Lindsay gasped. "Where'd she find Chef's hot drinks?" "I hope she's not drinking coffee. That's my coffee." "Want me to take over while you figure it out?" "Yes." "Alright. Ahem. Gwen, me, you, the beach. And a few tons of sand." She gasped. "Wait, how'd she know those were your worst fears?" "Ugh. Because we told him." "At the campfire last night." 

'What's my worst fear? I guess being buried alive.'

"Wait. They were really listening to us?" Lindsay stood up, surprised, while Gwen dropped her head onto the table. "It's a reality show, Einstein. They're always listening to us." "That's like... eavesdropping!" I nodded from a distance, and Dad started speaking again. "Chef Hatchet! Didn't you have an order for Tyler here today?" Chef was busy frying something. More specifically, a chicken. I turned to see Tyler looking terrified. I have a feeling he knew exactly what was going to happen.

'Chickens give me the creeps, dude.'

Chef gave Tyler a whole deep-fried chicken. Like, not changed, just a whole, raw, deep-fried chicken. He took it, and had massive doubts, before slowly moving it towards his mouth. He took a bite, and there seemed to be nothing bad inside of it. Until... an actual, living chicken popped its head out of where Tyler took a bite. He screamed, and froze up. Dad nodded at me, and we both lead everybody out into an open part of the camp, where a pool was waiting. 

Just looking at it, DJ threw up.

'Beth went on about how her mortal fear is being covered by bugs.'

Owen fainted for a second, and Beth thought for a second. "C'mon, Beth.

"And I thought, 'Come on, we haven't got all day', but, like, bugs are totally rational."

She determinedly climbed into the pool, and emerged a few seconds later, with worms in her mouth, her clothes, and her hair. That's actually disgusting. The Gophers cheered, and Owen stood up. "And Beth sets the bar way up there!" Owen fainted again, and the interns, oh, they had a massive struggle moving him off-camera. It was funny as hell, though. 

While we were walking to our next destination, Dad forcefully made Sadie and Lindsay wear mullet wigs. Anyway, we stopped at Dad's old plane. He didn't build or anything. Actually, I'm not sure where he got it. I think he stole it when I was younger, or something. The door of the plane squeaked open, and Izzy and Owen shared a gasp. 

"I would've been surprised too, cause Chef was wearing a dress, and a wig. There's nothing wrong with that, I just never thought Chef would be the one. But, he looks great. I like your confidence, Chef." 

He started the plane, while Owen and Izzy were screaming for their lives. I had no clue where Harold was, but I do know Dad sent out some ninjas to get him. So, if he dies, or gets injured, I'll deal my cards then. 

When Owen and Izzy had finished, it was time for Leshawna's fear. Spiders. So, in the new, true Chef fashion, he dressed up as an arachnid, and followed her around. Next, Heather's fear. Since Heather was scared of sumo wrestlers, me, Dad and Chef made sure to get the strongest, angriest, confident-est sumo wrestler on the market. Heather actually decided to go on stage, but she was trembling like a... um... Anyway, she got a point. "Heather stepped up to the plate, scoring the Gophers their second point on the board." The Gophers cheered, but the sumo wrestler thought the ding on the score board meant it was time to beat Heather up. So, he charged her, and Heather ducked to try and avoid him. The sumo wrestler surprisingly tripped, fell off the stage, and lost the match.

I took Bridgette to a secluded part of the woods, where she sat down on a log. She was already anxious, and I knew Dad wouldn't be angry with me if I said anything to the contestants. "Bridgette, just remember, if you ever want to back out, just run in a straight line, north. But, you've got six hours to go." She nodded, and as I walked away, I heard her screaming at a chipmunk.

"I'm back! Bridgette's set and ready. How about Gwen?" "Just finishing the job now." Trent knelt down beside her, and I saw she was encased in a glass coffin. "There's enough air in there for an hour. You only need to do five minutes." "As long as we decide to dig you up." I giggled at Dad's little joke, while Gwen quickly shut us down. "Not funny, Chris!" "Sheesh! Take a pill." Trent handed Gwen a walkie-talkie, and took another out of his pocket. "I'll be listening the whole time. Just yell for me if you panic, and I'll dig you right up." "Goodbye, cruel world!" Dad fully buried her, and we moved onto DJ's fear. Snakes.

'SNAKE!' 'DJ! What the heck was that?!' 'Sorry for trippin', dudes. Snakes just freak me out.'

DJ stood up on the stage, in front of a glass box with a snake in it. Dad was busy doing something backstage, and I was leaning on the table the box was on. It was literally a tiny snake. You couldn't even call it that. It was practically a worm. DJ was super hesitant on going near it. "Hey, you can do this, buddy!" Duncan called from the audience. DJ was still really, really scared of it. It blinked, and he screamed, and backed away from it. "Aah! It blinked!" People from the audience tried to convince DJ, but he still wasn't intending on touching it. I groaned, and stood up. "DJ, I'm not usually allowed to interfere, but this is pathetic. The Bass really need this point, and I actually like you. You're going to touch that snake, and if I have to force you to, so be it." He sighed, and cautiously held out his hand for the snake. It slithered onto him, and was doing nothing but sit on his finger. The Bass cheered for him, and I put a hand on his arm. "See? How hard was that?" "Go DJ! Fear is only in the mind!"

"DJ's done? Great. We might need to hurry this up a little." Everyone on the Killer Bass left the amphitheatre, and headed towards the next fear station. We stopped in front of a few trashcans, with some wires sticking out here and there. Oh, yeah, and a massive bomb slapped on the front. Trent ran past us, screaming, and he was being followed by a mime. "Just talk to him, dude! Ask him to go away!" "Okay then, we've got two minutes before Gwen's done. Cody, you're up." "I... Huh?" 

'Having to defuse a time bomb under pressure.'

"Lewis, if you will." "Sure. Uh, Cody. This garbage bomb is gonna explode in ten minutes. Everything you need to know to diffuse it is on these schematic blueprints." "Wait, I can't do this!" "Well, I suggest you find a place to hide." Everyone in the group, excluding me, slowly backed away, as Cody watched in confusion. "Wait. You're not gonna watch?" "What? Of course not, dude! That's a live bomb!" "Sorry, Cody." We all walked away, and he anxiously looked at the bomb, reaching for the blueprints. Little to Dad's knowledge, I put the answer in the blueprints. My dad might be sneaky, but he's not the smartest guy around.

'And what exactly is your phobia?' 'C-Celine Dion music store standees.'

I snickered next to Dad, and coughed to cover it up when I caught Duncan glaring at me. Courtney stood next to Duncan, and put a hand on his shoulder. "She's pretty, she's nice." "Erm... Just one hug, and you're done." "T-That looks really... real, man." Tyler stood up, and yelled. "Dude, she's made of cardboard! Get in the game!" Courtney nodded at Duncan, and gave him an understanding look. "Hey, it's okay if you can't do it." He sighed, and switched from worried to determined. "Alright. I'll try." "You can do this!" "Okay! Okay!" Duncan ran up to the standee, and hugged it. He shut his eyes so he'd forget it was a cut-out of Celine Dion. 

He quickly let go, and the Killer Bass cheered for him. Courtney hugged Duncan, and it was genuinely the first time I had seen him smile. "Woohoo! Duncan! You did it!" "Ha! I did it!" Courtney let go of Duncan, while the boys of the team surrounded him. "He's got no clue, has he?" "Oh, leave him be. Duncan can kick hard." 

'I'm scared of hail. It's small, but... deadly, dude.'

"Why isn't it turning on?" Dad kept pressing the button, but the machine wasn't working. I kicked it, and it started up. The cloud snuck up on him, and started pelting cold, hard rocks at Geoff. He was only trying to get a tan, but... this was entertaining. He ran left, he ran right, but he just couldn't escape the cloud. He screamed in pain, while some girls watched. "Look! That cloud is following him! Aww, it's like his own baby cloud! I want one too! Here, cloudy cloud!" Trent walked up to us, and watched, too. "Can you make the cloud go lower and pelt him harder?" Well, clearly, Trent's got something in common with Dad. "You are one sick dude. But, yeah." Dad and Trent laughed, but I started to get slightly worried. "Aw, that's awesome! Hey, do you ever feel like you've forgotten something?" Dad nodded, and shrugged. "Sometimes. I usually ignore it and the feeling goes away." He laughed, and looked at his little remote controller. "Watch this. I'm gonna bury him in hail!"

Trent instantly widened his eyes, and ran towards the place we buried Gwen. "Bury! Aw, crap! Gwen!" I stood up, grabbed a shovel, and started helping Trent dig up Gwen. The timer had been beeping for a minute now. Then, there was a distant explosion from somewhere. "What was that?" "If I had to guess, I'd say it was Cody's-" I paused in the middle of my sentence. Cody! Instinctively, I dropped the shovel, and ran towards the place where Cody was.

He was a little stunned, but was covered in trash, and smelt really, really bad. "Cody! Oh my gosh! Are you alright?!" "I'm fine. This just... hurts a little." "We need to wash you off." "Woah, woah! I'm not ready to be that open!" "C-Cody! I didn't mean strip! Your clothes are dirty too. Just go stand under that waterfall so the stuff sticking onto you washes off. You can shower privately later." "Okay!" Cody did as he was told, and everything practically just slipped off. The smell was still there, but it wasn't that bad to me. I've got hyposmia, so I can't smell things as well. "C'mon. We need to let Dad know you... well, you failed." "Y'know, when you call Chris your dad, it makes me forget he's a toned-down masochist." "Huh? Oh, haha! Would you prefer I'd call him Chris when talking to you?" "Sorta. It just feels weird." "No problem, Cody."

I headed back over the hill, and a lot had happened. Izzy and Owen had finished their challenge, Gwen was angry with Trent, Bridgette was trembling, Lindsay and Sadie were squealing, it was... surprising, to see how much could happen in the span of three minutes. Me and Cody walked over to the chicken coop, where Tyler's challenge was happening. 

"All right gang. We're in the ninth inning. Tyler, for your challenge, you need to get into this pen for three minutes with these chickens." "You can do it, Tyler!" Duncan crossed his arms, and smirked. "Yeah, unless you're... chicken." Dad shook his head, while Tyler rocked back and forth, trembling and terrified in the chicken pen. "I'm... not sure we're getting anywhere with this one." "Tyler, this is the last challenge! Quit being such a girl! You have to do his or we're going to lose!" I nodded at Tyler, and Cody was putting something into a calculator. "Actually, if you do the math, you can't possibly win. The score is seven to three." "Cody. Bad time?" "Oh. Sorry." "Not necessarily. We've got one more challenge set up." "What?" I blinked at my dad in confusion. "Who? It can't be me. But I didn't...?" "You didn't have to. We're always watching you and your reactions!" I sighed in relief. For a second there, I thought he was talking about me.

'NO!  Uh- I, I mean... no thanks. I'm good.' 'I just don't like green jelly, okay?'

"I knew it! Didn't I tell you guys they were eavesdropping?" Lindsay put her hands on her hips, and looked at Harold, who crossed his arms, and rolled his eyes. Courtney walked over, and shrugged. "Oh, who cares? It's not going to make a difference." I walked over to them, and chuckled. "Well, let's make it interesting. I'll give you triple points if you complete this challenge." Dad filled me in. I don't even know how he got that much jelly. 

Courtney stared up at the diving board where she was supposed to jump into the massive pool of green jelly. Duncan snorted, and crossed his arms. "You're afraid of jelly?" Courtney got all defensive, and started shouting at Duncan. "Shut up! Only the green kind! It's like sugary, jiggly snot!" "You can face your fear, and dive straight into this pool of jelly, or let your team lose, yet, another challenge." Courtney sighed, and started climbing up the ladder. "This is insane. I could die doing this." "Good thing you signed the contract, then!" Gwen, on the other hand, was trying to distract Courtney, and gross her out. "Oh! That is just cruel! It's probably warm by now. Warm, green jelly! Snotty, bouncy, ugh!" Heather gasped, and eyed Gwen. Courtney yelled down to Gwen, angrily. "You're not going to make me quit!" Duncan shouted up, and Bridgette was trying to encourage her. "That's it, keep climbing!" "She's just trying to psych you out!" "Like you said, Courtney! It's okay if you can't do it!"

Bridgette looked at Duncan, confused. "It is? But, we'll lose!" Courtney got up to the top of the diving board, and she was really scared. "Ooh... I can't do it! I'm coming down!" The Screaming Gophers cheered, while Courtney climbed down. I stepped forward, because Dad was too busy laughing at Courtney. "Then, there you have it! The Gophers win invincibility this week... again."

" I'm so embarrassed. How could I be so weak? I deserve to go home! Ugh! Okay, stop it! You're pathetic! Show some confidence, Courtney!"

Owen climbed into the jelly, and surprisingly got comfortable in it. "You were right, Gwen. It is warm."

"There are only two marshmallows left on this plate. The three of you did not complete your challenges today. One of you is going home tonight and cannot return. Ever. The next name I'm gonna call... is... Bridgette. The final marshmallow of the night goes to... Courtney." Duncan put a hand on Tyler's shoulder. "You'll get that chicken next time." Dad made a joke, thinking it was funny. "Looks like a new pecking order has been established here." Duncan got the hint, and started getting everyone to make chicken jokes to Tyler, which he was visibly upset by. "It's not like who could cry... fowl." "Time for Tyler to... fly the coop." "He won't be flying high tonight." Jeez! I scoffed, and walked over to him. "Tyler, ignore them. They're enjoying this." He got onto the boat, and I saw that he started crying. He didn't notice there were a bunch of chickens on the boat, either. Now, that's just cruel.

"Aww, I'll never forget out time together Taylor– uh, Tyler! Bye!"

Chapter Text

"Bass, Gophers, today's challenge is-" "Where's Chris?" "My dad is busy. I'm taking over today. Now, let me speak. Today's challenge is a true summer camp experience. A canoe trip! You'll be paddling your canoes across the lake... to Boney... Island? Why is it spelt with an 'e'...? Okay, whatever. When you get there, you must portage your canoes to the other side of the island, which is about a two-hour hike through treacherous, dense jungle." Geoff looked at me confused, while Bridgette slapped her forehead, and DJ looked at him, surprised. "We've gotta pour what?" I sighed. "Portage." A fly buzzed through his empty head, in one ear, and out the other. I groaned, and shook my head. "Dude. Walk with your canoe." "Oh!"

"Yeah. When you arrive at the other end of the island, you'll build a rescue fire that will be judged by me, based on skill. The first team to paddle home and return their canoes to the beach is the winner of invincibility. Now, go. Oh, wait! Wait a second! I need to tell you. This is just superstition, but I'm telling you for your own safety. Legend has it, if you take anything off the island, you'll be cursed forever." A random bolt of thunder crackled through the sky, and I looked up, the same as everyone else. "Swear it wasn't going to rain today. Anyway, you can go." Owen cheered, and everyone looked at him, confused. "Yeah, haha! A cursed island! Whoo!" It was complete silence all around. I rolled my eyes, and pointed at the several canoes behind me.

"Now, get in your canoes, and don't do anything stupid. I'll be watching you at all times." Everyone walked away, and I heard the outhouse flush. Beth came running out, and stopped in front of me. "What did I miss?! And... where's Chris?" "1. Canoes, get one. 2. He's busy. Go."

"Lewis told us to pick a paddling partner. I knew I wanted him to go with me, but I was so sure he wouldn't allow it. I mean, I know Lewis isn't Chris, but... I'm gonna make my move!" 

Everybody partnered up. I don't remember there being an extra canoe though. Huh. "Lewis!" "What? Oh, hey, Cody." "This probably isn't allowed, but... can you be my partner?" "Isn't there going to be an uneven number, then? Someone would have to be on their own." "Trent's taking Beth and Lindsay." "Well, fine."

"Yes! Yes! Yes! It is so on!" Cody played the air guitar in victory.

"Cody? Right now, he feels like a little brother to me. He's got a way with words. Sorta like my dad."

Cody continued to play the air guitar. Even better than before...? 

I followed him down the steps onto the shore. I watched as Izzy struggled with the boat, and fell into the boat. "Just follow my technique. I'm one-eighty-seventh Cherokee, you know? Which means, like, the tribe could totally, like, claim me at any time." Leshawna helped her, and picked up the canoe. "Let's hope it's today." DJ anxiously walked over to me with Geoff. "Yo, man. Do canoes flip over a lot?" "Hm... no. You're thinking of kayaks." "See? It'll only flip if the water gets rough!" Geoff walked away with DJ. "Water can get... rough?" "Oh yeah. Sometimes it can get totally radical out there!" I rolled my eyes at the both of them.

"When I was eight, my brothers dared me to jump off the high-dive platform at the pool. I was scared, but I jumped. I wasn't gonna let them call me chicken. I landed on my butt. Sounds better than a belly flop, right? Wrong. My trunks went so far up my butt, I had to go to the hospital and get them removed. They invited a new word for what I did. The wedgie flop. I've been afraid of water ever since."

Owen ran down the steps, and bumped into Heather. She rolled her eyes as he apologised. "Cody. Come on." "Right!" I got into the canoe, and Cody tried to pull it. He wasn't getting anywhere. "Need my help?" "Nah, nah." He kept trying to pull it, but failed, slipped, and landed in the water. I giggled, and got out of the canoe. "Still need some help?" I offered him my hand, and he took it. He was soaking wet. "Go take a seat in the canoe. I'll do this." He sat in the canoe, while I got into the lake, and pushed it. I got back into the canoe, and pulled out the gun. I was obviously gonna shoot a blank, not a teenager. I shot the blank, and everybody started paddling.

Cody insisted he paddle, which I was fine with, but there were two paddles for a reason. He started up conversation. "So, you wanna go out some time?" Oh my god, he actually does have a crush on me. That's slightly daunting. "Sure. Why not?" "How 'bout Friday night?" "That works for me. Actually, any day works. I'm allowed anywhere, really."

"Gosh! I'm actually gonna hang out with Lewis! The Code-meister's got a chance. Yes!"

"So... do you have any spoilers for the next challenges?" "Strictly confidential. But, I can tell you you..." I noticed everyone started secretly paying more attention to me. "Uh... I can tell you we paid Duncan to sing the opening theme." "Shut up, Pipsqueak!" "Same to you, Delinquent!" Everyone was laughing at Duncan. I don't think it was being mean, I think it was just that they were surprised Duncan sang. "You... have... nicknames for each other?" "Oh, it's not a big deal. Just our traits." "But you're not short." "And you're not a geek, Cody."

My expression quickly changed. He looked at me, confused. Then, he understood, because fog started surrounding us. "I-Is that...?" "Boney Island!" I actually paid attention to my surroundings, and overheard Izzy. "Okay. Did you see that skull? How cool is that?! It's like this place is haunted or something!" I got out the boat, and helped Cody out. A few creatures called out from inside the forest. I groaned. "Let's just get this over with, okay, guys? I'd prefer to not have to stare down an animal for 16 teenagers." "Alright. Seems fair to me." Harold nodded, and everyone else agreed with him.

Everyone picked up their canoes, and I helped Cody with his. "Hold on. Why does Cody get the kid in charge?" "I'm here to make sure you actually get back. Looking at this group, it wouldn't be very likely you'd return without someone watching you. Now, c'mon." Everyone walked into the forest, and I was promoted, by the campers, to our main defence. Wasn't really fair, but I get it. About halfway into the forest, a tree fell, and Cody screamed. "I- I think I saw something..." Three woolly beavers stuck their head out of the bushes, and stared at us. Now, these weren't some baby beaver-sized ones. These were fully-grown, adult woolly beavers, the size of bears.

I kept my voice down, but made sure everyone heard me. "Don't make any sudden movements." Out of the blue, Cody screamed, once again. "MONSTER BEAVERS!" This caused everyone to scream in fear, and run away. I had no choice but to follow them.

"A remnant of the Pleistocene Era, the woolly beaver is a day-active rodent indigenous to Boney Island. Oh yeah, and they're meat eaters." Chris laughed, and winked.

The Bass and the Gophers had split up, which was super annoying, but I had no choice but to follow the Gophers.

"Why'd I follow the Gophers? Uh, because Cody was there. Nobody was going to defend him! Kid's got literally no one without me."

Since we ran, the woolly beavers' instincts kicked in, and they started chasing us, because to them, we looked like prey. We passed a bear, who distracted the beavers for a second, but they quickly returned to chasing us. "Dead end!" Owen was right, it was the base of a cliff, and we had nowhere to run. They stopped before they could hit the water. "Hey, they're leaving!" "Did anyone pack a change of underwear?" Everyone but me laughed. I could tell he was serious. No, I could smell he was serious. It was disgusting. "No, seriously." Then, various remarks of disgust were shared within the team. However, Owen's farts woke up an entire flock of giant geese. "Oh, man..."

The birds screeched at us, and MY instincts kicked in. "Just give me a second." All of us stayed extremely still. Not even a muscle was moved. The geese were just waiting to attack us. When they stopped staring at us, I went for it. "Run." Everybody ran for their lives, and the geese went into predator mode. "I am definitely gonna need new underwear!" The geese screeched even louder. Gwen yelled at me. "You're the wildlife expert! Do something!" I had to think of something, fast.

"Cody, get that bread out of your pants, and throw it at them!" "Gross!" "But, our picnic-" "DO IT!" He did, and the birds got distracted. We all stopped running, and looked back to see if it had worked. "It worked?" "My picnic..." "Gwen, don't doubt me. Cody, there's no way I was gonna eat your bread anyway." "Oh. Sorry." "Not right now. You Gophers have a race to win." "Why are you helping us? You're not a Gopher." "Yeah, I'm not a Bass, either. Don't question why I'm doing this for you. Just be glad I am. Now, let's go."

We all started walking again, and we actually caught up with the other team. "I can see the other team." "They're taking the path on the right!" "Lewis. Here's where you come in." Haven't I already? "Which way?" "I don't know. Why can't Trent decide?" "What...? Why me?" "Why not? Just pick a direction, pretty boy." "Let's go left." We filed into a straight line, and Trent stopped at the front. "Whoa. Guys, uh, don't wanna panic here, but I'm shrinking!"

"Right. How am I supposed to know what quicksand looks like? It looks just like sand."

Chris laughed to himself. "Can you believe they fell for that?! Haha, I set it up, but I didn't think anyone would walk into it! Haha, that's just great!"

"Uh-oh." "Trent's stuck! I'm coming, Trent!" "Lindsay, don't!" She jumped into the quicksand too, and got stuck. She gasped. "I'm stuck too! I so didn't see that coming." "Guys, you're below waist level!" I started to freak out, cause if it gets up to their neck, there's no hope for them. But, I didn't want them to panic, that'd make it worse. "Help! Somebody help us!" Cody let go of the canoe, took a vine, and swung over the quicksand, trying to grab Trent's hand as it engulfed him completely. He totally missed. He smacked into a tree on the opposite side of the quicksand, Trent managed to grab a hold of the vine, though, and pull himself and Lindsay out.

"Cody!" I rushed over to him, and helped him up. He looked like he had a concussion, or something. "Are... are you alright, dude?" "I... I don't... know?" He quickly shook himself off to get rid of the dizziness, while everybody walked over to us both. "Whoa. Hey, thanks, bro. You're a life saver." "I am?" "You are." Lindsay pushed me out of the way, and hugged Cody. "My hero! Where did you learn to do that?" "I, uh... learnt from the best." He looked at me, and a faint blush grew on my face. I looked away, and rolled my eyes. "This is very touching, guys, but we've still got a challenge to win!" "Oh, right!" I shook the blush off, and helped Cody with the canoe. "Come on, Gophers!"

"You better not help us with our fire." Heather butted in, and I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't going to." "Good. This is the only time I'm letting you help us." "Okay." Arguing back is only going to make it worse.

"Heather's like... if you mixed... Heather Chandler with Veronica Sawyer. You get Heather. Smart, pretty, convincing, but deep down, she's nothing but cruel."

Alright. We're here, and the Killer Bass beat the Gophers here. "Okay, campers, we- uh... is Geoff... okay?" He looked as if he was dying. "He's injured!" He's... got a splinter. "Um... whatever. Anyway, make your fires." I waved my hand, and the teams got to work. Duncan and Courtney worked for the Bass, while Heather and Leshawna worked for the Gophers. I only looked away for a couple seconds. Courtney had already set her fire, and they'd just got here. "How'd they do that so quickly?!" Duncan pulled out a lighter, and smirked. Heather looked at me, trying to force me to disqualify them. "Sorry. No rule against lighters. Edge, Killer Bass."

Beth picked up something from the bushes, and hid it. I wasn't worried, it wasn't my problem. But if it was an ancient relic, it could be soon. Hm...

'If you take anything off the island, you'll be cursed forever.' 'Did I miss anything?!' 'Canoes.'

"Yeah. Not my problem." 

"Ladies! Are you almost finished your tea party? We're in the middle of a challenge here!" I scoffed at Heather. Nobody should act like that. Especially a person like Heather. I actually hate her. I hate her so, so much. I shook the feeling off, because I still had a challenge to host. "Bridgette! You got first-aid training, right? Maybe you could check out Geoff's wounds. He might have gangrene." DJ called out to her, and I looked over at Geoff, who acted like he was a rotting corpse at this point. "O-Or jungle rot!" "Or athlete's foot!" Boys can be so dramatic.

"I owed Geoff big time. He helped me get over my fear of water. When I saw him drowning with the ladies, I had to help the dude out."

Bridgette went over to check out his 'wounds', and I sat around, waiting for the teams to finish their fires. "I don't think this is going to be big enough." "You heard the woman! We need more wood, guys! Come on, let's go!" I blinked at him, DJ was being oddly... sensible. Sorta like if Chef was a kid. That set off a few alarms in my head. It seemed to set off some alarms in Harold's head too.

He freaked out, grabbed all the paddles from the Killer Bass' canoes, and threw them into the fire. Everybody on the team was horrified. Bridgette walked over with Geoff, and started yelling. "How are we supposed to get home now?!" I walked over, and shook my head. "Killer Bass... I'm... confused. Harold, how did that seem like a good idea?" "I don't know!" "Well, uh... I can't provide you guys with extra paddles. You're gonna have to come up with something else." "Right. Not like we have much choice."

I nodded awkwardly, and walked towards Izzy, who was laughing evilly to herself. "This ought to do the trick! It's a handmade fire-starter I made from some tree sap and saved. Stand back, guys. This is gonna be big!" My eyes widened, as I realized what Izzy was about to do. "Izzy, wait! Don't-" There was a massive explosion.

"I was always told to never put saved and sap in a fire together. Now, I know why. Obviously, it wasn't Dad that told me. He would've encouraged me. He's got a thing for explosions." I paused for a second. "I... I'm worried Izzy may be related to him somehow." 

I gasped at the massive fire in front of me. I then laughed, and nodded. "We have our fire-building winner! Point for the Gophers!" Heather walked over to us, although she was talking to Izzy. "Where did you learn to do that?" I agreed with Heather, and Izzy laughed. "Oh, you know, I spent a summer training with the reserves." I giggled at Izzy's enthusiasm. "You know, Chef was in the army too. He's the one that told me not to do what you just did." Izzy nodded. "Yeah, I got into some trouble there and, like, blew up the kitchen by accident, which is why the RCMP is like, still all over my butt. I am so totally AWOL!" I was listening very keenly to Izzy, but my eyes widened when she mentioned the RCMP.

"Izzy! You're a criminal?!" "No! Obviously not. I think. What's the RCMP?" "The Royal Canadian Mounted Police! That's insane!" "I know, like, isn't it?! I'm so cool." Heather put a sock in our conversation before it could go any further. "Alright, ladies. Finish up your conversation so I can win this." "Whatever."

Everybody was just about done, and Cody was setting up our canoe so we could row back. But, he was up to something. "Guys, since you're both a bit shaken by the whole quicksand thing, we should split you up. "How 'bout I go with Lindsay, Beth, and Lewis, and Trent can paddle back with Gwen?" Trent, Lindsay and Beth nodded. I have a feeling Cody accidentally paired Lindsay and Beth with us, because he slapped his forehead. Bridgette shrugged. "What are we gonna do without paddles?" I shrugged in response, but Izzy had other ideas. "You guys could get someone to swim behind the boats and push them. I did that once for this huge like, sixty-foot yacht; the whole crew had to flutter kick for like, eight days to get to shore. And like, four of us got eaten by sharks." She paused to giggle at her own story. "I didn't. Not me. But it was really insane. Okay, later!"

Izzy hopped into her own canoe with Leshawna, and paddled ahead. "That... might work!" Geoff nodded. "We need someone big enough to push all the canoes back. DJ, you're the only one who's strong enough." "Lewis, c'mon. Let's go." "Huh? Oh, right!" I got into the boat with Cody and Lindsay, but Cody made sure to sit next to me, instead. Beth and Lindsay insisted they rowed the canoe for us. I sat down beside Cody, and shrugged. "Y'know, just because I'm Chris' kid doesn't mean you have to treat me like royalty." "Nuh-uh. I don't wanna get into trouble." But, that's the thing. She literally wouldn't. I rolled my eyes, and sighed. I was stuck in a boat with dumb and dumber for the next ten minutes. Oh, and Cody, too. Obviously.

Beth and Lindsay were clearly on some secret mission from Heather, and it was her plan for the two of them to switch canoes. They kept trying to listen to what me and Cody were saying to each other, so I agreed with him to whisper instead. "Why are we whispering?" "Heather's trying to get some dirt on me." "Oh, when is she not?" I giggled, and I saw Cody smiling at me. So, since that part of the conversation was done with, I got back to my normal voice. "You know, you've got a real charm to you, Cody." "I have?" "Um... yeah! Yeah. You have. It's cute." Beth rolled her eyes. "Okay, guys. We know you're, like, into each other, so just kiss already! Jeez." A blush grew on both my and Cody's face. I looked away, trying to avoid getting further into that conversation. Cody did the same.

"So, here's the deal. I've only known Cody for a week or so. There's no way I'm gonna rush into something like this. But... I'd be happy to... uh..." I paused. "Wait, what am I saying? That's stupid... I'd still be willing to though." 

We got back to Camp Wawanakwa, and Cody, surprisingly, was more of a fumbling mess than I was. "Alright. The Bass are the winners." For some reason, the Bass' canoes were piled on top of each other. The Gophers set theirs on the beach, and I heard Izzy and Leshawna arguing. "You cost us the game! You are dead!" "Right, okay. You are so lucky that my license to kill is currently expired." "Guys, guys. Stop. It's nearly time for the marshmallow ceremony, so I need all Gophers alive and present. You can fight each other afterwards. Cool?" "Fine." "Whatever." I nodded in response, and took Cody with me so we were ahead of everybody else.

After confirming nobody was following us, I started talking. "Do you normally act like that?" "Like what?" He glanced my way, surprised. "You know... all flustered and stuff, when... uh... You know what I mean." He shook his head, and sighed. I nodded in acknowledgement, and put my hands in my pockets. "Well, it's not everyday you get told to kiss someone. Not for me, anyway." "Really?" "Yeah. I've never socialized well. The other kids back home never took a liking to me." "Maybe they just can't see the amazing person right in front of them." I stopped in my tracks, and began to blush. Cody stopped after a few seconds, and turned back to me. "What? I'm not lying." He shrugged, and I could see a shade of pink grow on his face, too. I giggled, and caught up with him. "Why isn't every girl here into you, man? You're super nice." 

He took a few seconds to respond. "It's always been like that. I'm not some ladies' man, or a cool guy. I'm nothing but a geek." He looked away with a hurt expression. It was becoming clear to me that Cody was forced to hide his insecurity for a large portion of his childhood. He seemed quite hesitant to admit that.

"After Cody told me that, I... I feel genuinely sorry for him. I can't imagine how hard it must've been for him." I looked away, thinking. Suddenly, my eyes widened, and I turned back to the camera. "I've got an idea."

"I'm glad you're comfortable enough to share that with me, Cody." The idea is going to become an action. "Say, we've got a few hours before the ceremony. What do you think of hanging out by the river?" He turned his head in my direction, and while his hurt expression faltered, a small smile replaced it. "Okay." I took his hand, and lead him down to the river that ran down to the waterfall we used in the intro. 

After getting there, I turned my head to him. "This is it." He nodded, and took a quick look around, before adjusting himself so he sat down. "Anyway, has Chris got anything special planned tomorrow?" "Like I would know. I'm never told until the morning comes. I'm hosting again, tomorrow, though." "Does that mean you're gonna be too busy?" "Probably." I sighed. I felt his hand overlap mine, and quickly looked to my right, where he sat. I let out a soft laugh, and smiled. "You don't have to hide your feelings, y'know." "W-What?" Our eyes met, and locked. From his scarlet red face, I knew I'd cracked the code. Or, more specifically, the Code-ster. If I don't act now, then... 

[I apologize for any cringe-worthy stuff. I've never written a kiss scene before.]

He acted first. 

He took both of my hands in his, and kissed me. While his eyes were shut, my eyes widened in surprise. My entire body felt a rush of warmth, as he pulled away from me. I blinked a few times, registering what had just happened. "W-Woah." He realized what he had done, and, attempted to hide the blush that covered both of our faces. "I-I can't believe I just did that."

"That... that was... I..." I was at a loss for words. "I-I just kissed Cody Anderson."

"That... I... um..." Cody couldn't speak. "I-I just kissed Chris McLean's kid."

I shook my head a little bit, to try and get some sense into me. However, that was automatically restored when Cody started to shout. "I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean... I should've... I..." I turned to him again, and hugged him. He stopped in the middle of his sentence. "W-We should go to the ceremony. Chris might get upset if you don't do his job." I nodded, and pulled away from the hug. I gave him a short glance that said, 'Let's go together', and he took my hand.

Walking there was full of chatter from both of us, to put it bluntly. Although I didn't know how romance worked, I sure as hell knew how it felt from that point on. Cody took his seat behind Trent, and I stood beside the plate of marshmallows. "When I call your name, come up and get a marshmallow. Beth. Trent. Gwen. Cody. Owen. Heather. Leshawna." Everybody took their respective marshmallows, and I earned a wink from Cody. I cleared my throat, and continued. "One last marshmallow. The person who doesn't get this marshmallow will walk off the Dock of Shame and take a ride on the Boat of Losers. Who's it gonna-" 

All of a sudden, a helicopter flew in, and shone a light on all of us. I protected my vision from the light with my arm, as did everybody else. Apart from... Oh my god. "Izzy! We know you are down there! You are under arrest!" Leshawna, who was just as surprised as I was, looked at Izzy. "You mean all that trash you were talking was true?" Izzy shook her head. "No. Just the RCMP part." She looked at me with a grin, before standing up, and pointing at the helicopter. "See ya! You'll never get me alive!" She laughed maniacally, and ran away into the forest. I blinked at this. "Um... Well... That sorta wraps that up. Lindsay, get your marshmallow, and we'll close up for the night." 

She took hers, and we all walked away. Me and Cody met up again, and although I noticed Trent looked at us, I couldn't help but keep my focus on Cody. "Does this make us... official?" I asked, tilting my head. "I... don't know. If it doesn't, then-" My eyes shone. "Yes!" I earned a few confused stares from the Gophers. "I-I would like that." I nodded eagerly, and Cody grinned. "Cool." "Cody! You coming, or what?" Trent called from behind him. "R-Right! Bye, Lewis." I was too busy in my own head to notice he was leaving. I soon snapped out of it, but there was no way I could just get to sleep after that. 

I was gonna hang out in the forest tonight. Maybe I would bump into Izzy, too.

Chapter Text

I sat up, yawned, and pet the bear who had let me sleep with him in his cave. It wasn't a particularly nice night, and a few hours before the entire bear thing, I noticed Izzy berating a wolf. "I better go, Bruno. Thanks for the hospitality!" I waved him goodbye, as I walked off. He whined a little bit, but we both knew I wasn't leaving forever. I walked back to camp, and once I was there, did a few stretches. 

I was stiff. I don't know if you've noticed, but a cave isn't the best place to lie down. Cody approached me, and greeted me with a smile. "Are you okay?" "Yup. What about you?" "I'm great. Actually, why hasn't Chris came in with an airhorn yet?" I paused. Hm... "He's real busy. I don't think the challenges are happening today, but I feel like we have to do something." He nodded in agreement, but hesitated. "If you're hosting... can you make sure it's something... not dangerous?" "I mean, I'll try my hardest."

"I know exactly what's happening today." I smirked.

"Since we're, like... official and all... does that mean I get help in challenges?" I giggled, and rolled my eyes. "Nope. But, I can offer you free healthcare, and a bodyguard." His eyes widened, and he blushed. "B-Bodyguard? You mean... you?" "Who else? Duncan? He'd tear you to shreds." I shrugged, and chuckled. "I guess so." "Hey, wanna come with me to blow the horn at the campers?" I grinned at him. He nodded eagerly, and I held out my hand to him. He took it, and stood up.

We both snickered quietly as I pulled out an airhorn from my pocket. "Three... two... one..." I pressed it, while Cody covered his ears. Instantly, the groaning, whining, and yelling of the campers could be heard. "Oh! Hit the deck! They've found us!" "Ugh! Okay, that kid is really starting to get on my last nerve!" "Whatever. He just loves ruining our mornings." Cody laughed, and looked at me. "Chris is right. That is funny." "Only if you're not victim to it!" 

[Time Skip - 15 Minutes]

I walked up to the girls' washroom, where every single girl was waiting, some very uncomfortably. "Hey, ladies. What's the hold up?" "Heather needs her private time." Lindsay anxiously looked at me. "Well, it's been... ten minutes. A shower should never take that long." "How long's queenie gonna be in there!? I got urgent business!" I shrugged, while Beth turned to Leshawna. "She could still be a while." Gwen scoffed, and walked away. "That's it! I'm going lumberjack style!" Everyone turned to her as she walked away. "Well, breakfast in three minutes at the campfire pit." I tapped my foot impatiently, and rolled my eyes, as Beth tried to convince Heather to leave the washroom.

"Um... Heather?" "Can one of you come in here and lotion my back? It's peeling!" All the girls backed away, including me, which left Beth by herself. "I think it's better if you guys just go naturally. I'll be waiting." They all nodded, and ran off. 

[Time Skip - 3 Minutes]

"Okay! You guys ready for today's... uh...?" I paused, and turned around. A bear was chasing Izzy. I cleared my throat, and started again. "Okay. Is everyone ready for today's challenge?" Owen perked up, and laughed. "We are ready!" Leshawna shook her head at him, and I opened up a crate. "This is breakfast." I threw a can at Gwen, which was caught by Trent, as he smirked at her. 

"Clear romantic tension there." I rolled my eyes.

I continued to throw the cans at several people, one of them being Heather, who had several objections. "No, breakfast is crepes, croissants, and even Chef's crappy, burnt eggs!" "Heather, don't make it worse for yourself." I said, as I passed a can to Owen. He was singing to himself, but the can hit him square in the face before he could finish. "Today's challenge is about survival. Today, we're going hunting." I held up a paintball gun, which Duncan smiled at. "That's more like it." Of course, Harold had to ruin it. "Isn't that a paintball gun?" I rolled my eyes. "Why, yes, Harold. It is." I hit him with a paintball, and he fell over. 

Bridgette approached me, and anxiously questioned me. "So, we won't be killing anything?" "Nope. This is the first ever paintball deer hunt. I'll announce the team's once we get into the woods. Finish up your breakfast." Owen had already finished everybody else's. "Got any more?" I shook my head. "I guess we'll just head out now, then." Everyone followed me, and Cody ran ahead to join me. "This is the challenge you came up with?" "Sort of. It was planned, really." He nodded, and backed up as we came to our destination.

I stood by the gun rack and crate, while everyone crowded around in their own teams. "Now, for the team breakdowns. The Killer Bass hunters are... Harold, Geoff, and Bridgette. Locked and loaded with bass blue paint. And using orange paint are the Gopher hunters, Leshawna, Beth, Owen, Lindsay." I passed everyone their paintball guns. Owen raised his hands, and cheered, much to Lindsay's confusion, and somewhat worry. "Woohoo! This is awesome, man!" I took some stuff out of the crates, and handed that to the hunters, too. "You also get some glasses and camo caps." 

The hunters nodded at their gear, and I turned my attention to those without stuff. "The rest of you, are now deer. Due to my dad's unexplainable wishes, you get to wear antlers, noses, and whitetails." Heather folded her arms, and looked away. "Yeah right. I am not wearing that." Duncan raised his eyebrows. "There is no way I'm a deer." I chuckled, and threw them the accessories. "Take these off, and your team is toast." Owen approached Duncan, and forcefully put everything on him. He then laughed. "What're you laughing at?" "Oh, nothing. Bambi." He snickered, and pulled on Duncan's tail. In reaction to this, he pointed a finger at Owen. "You better be a good shot, tubby."

I split the two up, and cleared my throat. "Anyway... following the rules of nature, the deer get a head start. Get going." I looked at Cody for a split-second, and sent the teams on their way.

[Time Skip - 10 Minutes]

"Okay. Ready your paintballs, it's game on." "Alright! Let's bag some deer!" "Aha! I am down with that!" Owen splashed a jar of some liquid on to his face, and from the colour, I knew what it was. "What are you doing?" "Masking my scent so the deer can't smell me coming." "Tell me that isn't..." I butted it. "Disgustingly, yes. It's pee." "Gross!" "I've got more, if you want some!" Beth shrugged. "We're hunting other campers. You don't have to hide your scent." Owen looked at her, confused. "So, you mean I collected all this pee for nothing?" Lindsay and Beth looked at each other, before running away, screaming. Leshawna shook her head. "You are one sick ticket." 

The two of them ran away, as well, leaving me. I sighed, and rested on the now-empty gun rack.

"I can see why Dad's exhausted. This is super tiring." I shook my head, and exhaled.

I heard rustling in the bushes, and when I turned my head, it was... DJ? He was acting like an actual deer, and it took him a few seconds to spot me. He stood up normally, and looked around. "Aw, man! I went in a full circle!" "Owen, huh?" He nodded. "Hm... I think you should go... that-a-way." I pointed to my right, and he instantly pranced off. That direction ensured no circles could be made. So, it wasn't going to be very hard to escape Owen. 

I decided to watch what the competitors were doing. I mean, I couldn't just stand here for three hours and do nothing!

"Aw, man. We're back to where we started and we haven't seen one deer." Heather cleared her throat. "Ahem! What took you so long?" Beth pointed at Heather. "Were we supposed to come find you?" "Hello? Alliance, anyone?" Heather rolled her eyes. Lindsay perked up, waving her hands. "Ooh, ooh! Me, me! Can I be in one?" "You already are, Lindsay. That's the point! Now go find me some berries! I'm starving!" Heather pointed to her left. Lindsay happily ran away, while Beth raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't we be... y'know... hunting?" "She is hunting. For me. But actually, berries won't be enough. Go get me some chips." Beth's eyes widened, as she looked around. "In the forest?" "No! In the cafeteria. Make sure they're not barbeque!"

Beth angrily crossed her arms. "Okay. Heather can be so bossy. And in nature, hunters would never go find food for the deer!" She paused. "Heather won't hear this, right?"

Owen spoke to himself, as if he was in a documentary. "The hunter is a finely tuned machine. His senses heightened by the thrill of the chase." He sniffed his surroundings. He then followed the scent to a clearing, where DJ was acting like a real deer. "Suddenly, our hunter spots a magnificent buck in the clearing. If he's to succeed, the hunter must demonstrate patience and control." He did not demonstrate this. Instead, he alerted his presence to DJ, by farting.

Beth was trying incredibly hard not to get caught by Chef, who was wearing a swimsuit for some strange reason. She bumped her head on the table she was hiding under, and made some noise. She covered her mouth, and Chef paused. After confirming silence, he moved on.

Owen, on the other hand, refused to move on. He continued to follow DJ. A bird landed on DJ's antler, as he peacefully ate some grass. "The hunter moves in, aware of every proton in his environment." A snake hissed, and he fumbled with it in the bush, terrified. "Aw, crap!" He threw it towards DJ, and he pranced off. "Haha! It's on, DJ! Your butt's a hamburger and I'm one hot barbeque!"

Beth quickly grabbed a packet of chips without checking what flavour they were. She was just about to open the door to leave, when she saw Chef's silhouette in the shaded glass. She gasped, and ducked underneath a table. Chef came in, and whistled to himself. The totem Beth stole from Boney Island fell out of her pocket, and made a loud thud on the floorboards. She quickly picked it up, but Chef had already heard it. He looked around, as Beth was carefully and quietly making her way to the door. Unfortunately, a floorboard creaked, and caught Chef's attention. She dashed out of the door, holding both her bag and her gun in the same hand.

"So I'm running for my life from this psycho chef, when all of a sudden, it hits me! I'm doing this for Heather?! I don't even like her!"

She panted, and quickly looked around. She looked down at the bag of chips, and smirked. She took a handful, and started to eat them.

DJ was running on all fours, away from Owen. "You're my burger now, DJ!" He panted whilst running. Despite his best efforts, he missed every shot he fired. DJ leaped across a river with ease, however when Owen tried to cross it, a large rock got in the way, and it hit him directly in the kiwis. He groaned, and a small tear ran down his face.

Beth angrily walked through the woods, when she heard something. "Psst!" She huffed. "Whoever you are, go ahead. Shoot me. You can't make today any suckier!" Then, Cody jumped out of the bushes, and walked with Beth. "You're a hunter, I'm a deer. Slight food chain issue with me shooting you. How goes it?" Beth rolled her eyes. "I'm so done with this game!" Cody looked at her with worry. "What happened? Have you bagged any deer yet?" She shook her head. "No. But I did risk my life to steal a bag of chips!" 

Heather scowled at both Cody and Beth. "What took you so long?" Beth handed Heather the bag. "Here. I hope you know what I had to go, go through to get those–" She was interrupted when Heather snatched the bag, and looked in. "There's like... eleven chips left." She turned her head away, and threw the bag at Beth. "And they're barbeque! Go switch them for dill pickle." Beth and Cody anxiously looked at the bag on the ground. Suddenly, Beth stood up straight, much to Cody's fear. "No." "What did you just say?" "I'm just gonna... yeah..." He quickly took the bag of chips, and ran off. "Take it back." Beth took a deep breath. "No." Through gritted teeth, Heather responded. "Take. It. Back." Beth growled. "No! I'm tired of being your slave. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a challenge to complete." She walked away.

Someone fired a paintball at Heather, and she held her arm where it hit her. "Ouch! Whoever you are, this is so not cool!" Another hit her square in the face. "OOF!" Turns out, it was Bridgette and Harold. They high-fived each other, and giggled like children.

I better catch up with Cody. He's not too great on his own. I put the device away, and hurried into the direction where Cody ran. My trip was cut short when he bumped into me. "Cody!" "Lewis!" "A-Are you alright? Nothing hurt you, right?!" "Of course not! Actually, I just came from Beth and Heather. They were arguing." I nodded in agreement. "I saw. I want to stay by your side in case anything happens." He acknowledged my action. 

We sat down at the same place we did yesterday, and I couldn't help but feel somewhat vulnerable. DJ ran past us on all fours, while Owen chased him, sweat practically pouring from his forehead. "W-Wait up!" Cody hid so he wasn't visible to Owen, but Owen didn't even notice me. "Does he keep... running like that?" "Yeah. He's seriously getting into it." "DJ, he's... um... he's special. He's got some kind of connection with animals. I never thought it would go that far, though." "Eh. It doesn't matter, as long as the Gophers bag this one." I shook my head. "It all depends whether Heather can keep it in her pants for the rest of this challenge." 

He giggled, and I smiled. "You're awfully cute, you know. Being a deer definitely suits you." He widened his eyes, and rubbed his face as he looked away. "I said that, too. I'm quick, and small..." "That's what makes you cute." I booped his fake nose, and his face turned a bright pink. He laughed, and swatted my hand away. "C'mon, Lewis..." "What? You don't like compliments?" I sat up, and raised an eyebrow. He laughed again, and sighed. Then, I heard someone talking.

"The hunter slowly approaches, and quietly aims..." I looked at Cody, and we both realized it was Owen. He gave me a look that said, 'he's gotta be kidding', and I shrugged. "Anyway... who do you think's getting booted off?" I tried to ignore Owen, and focus on Cody. "I don't know. Beth, probably. Heather would not tolerate that level of disrespect, and do nothing." "Be honest. She wouldn't tolerate anything other than 'yes, ma'am'." I rolled my eyes at Cody, and brought my knees up to my chest.

Suddenly, a bear roared, and scared Owen off. We both turned to see a large, brown bear, with several scratched all over his body. No way... Cody backed up into me, and hid in my chest. It surprised me, but the bear wouldn't back off. I stood Cody up, and stepped back. It continued to approach us, and there was only one thing going through my head at that point.

Cody's gonna hate me.

"I was so worried that I was gonna be the only one to make it out fine. I was even more worried Cody would be the only one to make it out fine."

I remembered something from a book I read, that bears are more likely to eat baby deer rather than adult deer. Right now, Cody looked like a fawn. "Cody... take off your antlers." "W-What? We'll lose!" "You'll lose your life if you do not take those accessories off." He followed my orders, and took the antlers, nose, and tail off. I grabbed them, and threw them in a different direction. The bear instantly took off towards them, and I had no time to wait. I picked Cody up, bridal-style, and ran away.

After a few minutes, I stopped, and let him down. I was exhausted from that. I panted, and wiped sweat from my head. "Holy..." "That was..." "So stupid. I know." "AWESOME!" I straightened my posture, and looked at him, confused. "Huh?" "That was so cool! You showed that bear!" He punched the air in exaggeration, although I never laid a finger on the animal. I chuckled, and rubbed my eyes. "Really?" "Yeah!" He rapidly nodded.

"I don't know why, but something about him is just...  irresistible...? Like... a weird force or something. I don't know what that feeling is."

I blushed, and looked to the side. "You don't mean that. I wasn't that good." "You were, though! I would've never been able to do that, never!" I glanced at him, and smiled. "Thanks, Cody."

I checked my watch, and panicked. "Crap! The three hours have been up for, like, ten minutes!" I pulled out a device for the loudspeakers, and spoke into it. "Attention human wildlife and hunters! Please report back to camp! It's time to show your hides and tally up the scores!" I nodded at Cody, and we both rushed back to camp, in front of the medical tent. "I'm not letting you fail that easy." 

[Time Skip - 5 Minutes]

Everyone lined up, and I was surprised at the absolute mess of every single one of them. Leshawna, Heather and Beth were drenched in paint from both teams, Lindsay's back was covered in blue paint, Owen had a black eye, and was covered in mud... Alright. Get into Chris' mind. How would he react?

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Stealing from Chef? Eating chips in the woods? Being beaten by nature. Do you know what I see here? I see a very undisciplined group. I see a disgraceful mess. I see a massive waste of paint product!" Everyone, with the exception of Cody, looked down, guilty. "But, I have to say. I'm impressed at the abilities you've all shown today. Some of you are definitely going to go far after this competition ends." I nodded specifically at Beth, who grinned happily at me. Harold spoke up. "Hey, where are Duncan and Courtney?" Sadie pointed to the left, where Duncan and Courtney walked out, their antlers tangled together.

I stifled a giggle, while Gwen chuckled. "Oh, this is too much." Owen winked at Duncan. "Duncan, you sly dog, you!" He smirked, and glanced at Courtney. "The girl can't keep her antlers off me." With a swift kick to the kiwis, Duncan was silenced by Courtney. He let out a small tear, and he whimpered. "Can't even bend over..." I calmly shut my eyes for a second, and lectured Courtney. "Easy, Courtney. Our medical tent is really only equipped for one at a time, and I don't think Duncan appreciates what you've just done." Bridgette and Geoff separated Courtney and Duncan, and as soon as he was free, he fell to his knees, and clutched his groin. I observed the four Gophers dripping in paint. 

"Well, since four members of the Screaming Gophers are dripping in paint, and some of them aren't even deer... I think we have our winner!" The Killer Bass cheered, and the Gophers sighed. "Killer Bass... you're off to a hunting camp shindig!" Geoff and Duncan cheered, and fist-bumped. "Gophers, I'll see you at the campfire ceremony. Again."

I walked over to the campfire, and picked up the plate of marshmallows. "I mean, seriously. Twice in a row? What is wrong with you people? I can't wait to see Beth get kicked off. I just wish I could vote off two campers at once." I groaned, and rubbed my head. "Heather, we get it! Just shut your trap, and let me get on with this." She scoffed, and folded her arms.

Cody laughed for a few seconds. "Okay. I know I nearly got mauled by a bear, but I'm feeling good about this! I've got Lewis to support me. And besides, Heather's as mean as a snake, dude. Her own team shot her, like, eighteen times. They'll never kick me off."

"Who did I vote for? Well, Heather's been a pain in my butt from day one. But I gotta say... Cody."

"Yeah, that Cody. Not so useful in challenges anymore." Owen shrugged.

"I totally admire Belle for standing up to Heather, but she's so dead now." Lindsay's eyebrows raised as she nodded.

I knew who was getting voted off. There was no way I could rest easy. I sighed, and continued talking. "There are only seven marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper–" Gwen interrupted me, and switched between crossed arms and shrugging ones. "Who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately return The Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers and leave. Can't we just get this over with?" I glared at her, and huffed. "Fine. Whatever. Way to spoil the moment, Gwen. Trent. Lindsay. Owen. Gwen. Leshawna. Beth." This was it. The only climax where I wished the roles were reversed. 

"Campers, this is the final marshmallow tonight. ...Heather." She snatched it out of my hands, as I furrowed my brows in anger. "You are all lucky, okay!? Very lucky!" I took a deep breath "Oh, Lord, give me strength..." I mumbled under my breath, while Heather walked back over to her seat. "Cody? The Dock of Shame awaits." I couldn't describe how hurt he looked in that moment. I returned the look. He stood up, and walked past me without a word. 

I was so incredibly close to tears. I hid my face in my hands, and whimpered. "Oh, God... Cody hates me. I knew this would happen. He's never gonna wanna come back, and..." I remembered where I was, and quickly rubbed my eyes. "J-Just for the record... t-that was fake." I looked away, before eyeing the camera for a second.

"Cody?" "We'll talk later, okay?" I silently nodded. He got onto the boat, and it drove away. I watched, fighting back tears. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. For the show. I hurriedly composed myself, and turned around. "Alright, campers. That's it for tonight! Have a good night's rest." Everyone stood up and left, and I stood in silence for a few minutes.

After that break had passed, I sat down on one of the stumps, and watched the campfire burn. I had little to no expression on my face, and nothing but the fire in my eyes.

Chapter Text

"Well, there he goes. My one talking buddy. These campers are brutal. I honestly don't have the energy to host today, but I don't know if these dumb producers have gotten in touch yet. If Dad doesn't have any rights still, I might have to take things into my own hands." I rolled my eyes, and folded my arms. 

"Lou! Good news!" Dad approached me. I sat up, and looked at him. "What's up?" "Producers say I'm in charge now! I don't need anybody's permission." I couldn't help the small smile that grew on my face. ""That's great! Are you going to host today?" "Mhm. You can still help out if you want to." "Alright. I think I'll just be on the side today." "So, like everyday?" I nodded my head. I'd normally help him if I needed to. Otherwise, I'd just hang out with the teenagers. "I'm going to go set up. It's a cooking theme today." I nodded again, and he walked off.

"Should I have mentioned me and Cody? Uh... I don't know. I feel like Cody would want it under wraps until the right time."

All 14 campers lined up, whilst Dad talked. "Today's challenge will test your minds, your teamwork, and your skills in the kitchen! You'll be cooking a three-course meal and serving it to me for tasting. The winners get a reward and the losers will send somebody home. Each team will appoint a head chef to create the theme of the meal and to oversee the cooking." Geoff and DJ looked at each other, slightly concerned, before returning their focus to us. "To cook, you need ingredients. Every morning, a truck brings us food. Today's task starts there." The truck, backed up out of the lake, while a dolphin saluted to us.

"Why am I not surprised? Oh, right. This is Camp Wawanakwa. A.K.A - Absurdity Central."

Geoff and DJ opened the doors for everyone, but mainly themselves, and looked inside the truck. "We could do a killer Italian theme!" "Hello, head chef!" Duncan added, as he joined the two. Geoff's eyes widened, and he beamed. "Seriously?!" He was met with nods from both DJ and Duncan. "Then, let's get grabbin'!" All three of them jumped into the van, while the other group queued up. 

Heather walked beside Beth, and raised her voice, so everyone could hear her. "Head chef! Called it!" She leant down beside Beth, and spoke to her. "Try not to screw up this time, okay?" Beth gasped, anxiously smiling, while Heather smirked, and walked ahead. Leshawna came by Beth's side. "Just ignore her, girl." She shook her head, while Beth sighed. I rolled my eyes, and walked up to Beth. "Try to keep cool today, alright?" She nodded.

"I had to take the leadership role. Hello, we're on a losing streak. And really, everyone else on the team is pretty useless." Her eyes widened as she spoke, then softened at the end of her sentence.

The boys got out of the truck with a handful of ingredients. Some in boxes, others in bags, and a minority without packaging. "Sweet. Let's hit the road!" The Gophers were being ordered around by Heather, who was holding a clipboard. "Leshawna, mangoes. Beth, pineapples. Lindsay, macadamias. Trent, molasses. Gwen, tomatoes." They all went in and got their assigned ingredients, which, like the Bass, were varied in packaging. 

"I've got a bad feeling about Beth." I thought for a moment. "I'm almost never wrong. Keyword: almost." 

I stuck with the Gophers for several reasons, but the main one being to keep tensions from rising. 

"He's totally unmotivated. And he never washed his hands. He's so obnoxious. [fast-forwarding] Owning sunglasses doesn't automatically make you cool. [fast-forwarding] People like that are so annoying. I mean, honestly, who does that? And don't even get me started on his hair."

Heather was literally the only one wearing an apron, and she wasn't even cooking. "Gwen, Lindsay, you're on the citrus macadamia upside down cake flambé." Lindsay turned to Gwen, confused. "Know how to make an upside down flamer thingy?" Gwen didn't respond to Lindsay. Owen came through the door with a massive bag of oranges, nearly crashed into me, but bumped into Heather, which made all the oranges spill on the floor, and even get squashed. "Ugh! Go back to the truck, and get more oranges!" "I'm on it!" Owen rushed out. 

"You know, you don't have to be so-" I shrugged at Heather, but she interrupted me. "If you're not here to help us, I don't want to hear anything!" "Suit yourself." It wasn't an order to leave. I could work around that. She sighed, and turned to Trent. "Trent, you and Owen are on ribs. Leshawna and Beth, you're on pineapple skewers and mango dip!" Leshawna had a smile on her face, and she put her hands on her hips. "Girl, let me handle the appetizers. I know how to make a pineapple chutney that will knock the socks off the devil." I shared an unsure look with Beth, while Heather wasn't having any of it. 

"Oh, really? Well, that's so great! But since I'm head chef, we're gonna stick to my plan. And my plan is pineapples with sticks through them. Got it?" Leshawna rolled her eyes, and got to work with Beth. 

Owen ran in, covered in hornet stings, while carrying a crate of oranges. "Owen! Are you alright?" I rushed over to him, worried. "Yeah, I'm okay! Just had a small incident with some hornets. Trent! Heads up!" He threw the crate of oranges towards Trent, and it knocked him out, much to my greater concern.

"Looks like I'm on medical duty today." I rolled my eyes, and scoffed.

"Things are going perfectly except for Owen's hornet stings and Trent's concussion, which means he's out of today's challenge. But still, this challenge is totally ours." She waited a second, before face-palming, and shaking her head.

Heather rolled her eyes at me. "Great. Looks like Chris McLean Jr. over here is helping us." I scoffed. "You mean helping the people that need it?" "That's what I said." Dad walked in, and I could tell he had seen something disturbing. "Three hours and counting, guys." 

He walked out, and Heather walked past me, Owen and Trent, to Beth and Leshawna. "These slices are totally uneven. Switch places with Leshawna." Leshawna looked over at them, and stopped Beth while she was still walking. "What are you talking about? They look fine to me." Heather growled, and scoffed. "Um, I didn't get to be head chef because of poor presentation!" Leshawna got up in Heather's face, and pointed at her. "No! You got to be head chef because you called it! And who you think you foolin' with this crispy white apron power trip you on?" I sighed, and tried to tune them out. "Keep those ice packs on. Let me know if you get any headaches, or anything." "You got it." 

Leshawna and Heather kept arguing, while the other team, from across the room, looked on in fear. "Are you gonna be a team player or not?!" "Ooh, I'm a team player, all right, but I'm also allergic to pineapple!" "Just get slicing. Now! Thanks, guys." She walked somewhere else, but Leshawna was extremely close to starting a fight with her. "Ooh! Two-faced, bossy, little– Ooh! Ugh! Yo! What do you recommend I do about this?" I turned my head, and realized she was talking to me. 

I walked towards her, and questioned her. "What's up?" She showed me her arms, and they were patchy, and red. I took her arm, and looked at it. "And this is... an allergic reaction?" "Damn right it is!" I let go of her arm. "I recommend you stop cooking. If Heather gives you trouble, I'll sort her out." She nodded, and took a seat beside Owen and Trent. "And why is she taking a break?" "Allergic reaction." I looked up at her. "Can't she just, like, deal with it? Just scratch after we win. Get back to work." "Leshawna, stay there." "Leshawna, work!"

Leshawna angrily stood up, and marched towards Heather. She was rolling up her sleeves, so I knew that she wanted to fight. I moved out of the way, but Leshawna was held back by Beth, Lindsay, and Gwen. 

"I didn't have a problem with it. In fact, I would've asked Leshawna to give Heather a beating. She deserves it."

Harold continued to chop food on the chopping board... and I had only just noticed his... 'speedo'. It was tiny. DJ and Geoff were snickering, and standing behind him. Dude. You've gotta put some clothes on, man. It's unsanitary to cook in something that..." He snorted. "Small." Harold dropped the knife, and turned around. "So gimme back my pants, then!" Geoff and Duncan giggled, but Duncan interjected. "Harold's right, guys. If you go to the cabin, you'll find a clean pair of underwear and shorts waiting." He quickly walked away. "That's more like it."

Duncan looked at Geoff and DJ, and laughed with them. I rolled my eyes, and walked up to them. "Alright, Delinquent. What are you up to?" "Nothing." He snickered again, and I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not playing around. What did you do?" He held up a bottle of hot sauce, and laughed. "Mature. Real mature." I shook my head, rolled my eyes, and walked away.

Lindsay looked pretty confused. Heather walked up to her, and raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?" "Uh... we used all the flambé start, but it won't flambé!" "Nothing happened when you lit it?" Her eyes widened, as she put a finger to her chin. "Ohhhh..." 

"Honestly! It's like talking to an eggplant!"

Gwen approached, as Heather demonstrated. " Pay attention, girls. This is how you flambé. Step one, pour the flambé liquid, which you did manage." Gwen angrily crossed her arms. "Step two of two, light it." When Heather did so, there was a small explosion. Gwen stifled a giggle, and Lindsay gasped. Heather grabbed a frying pan, and looked at her reflection. She screamed, and yelled. "My eyebrows! Owen!" "I-Is it finally lunchtime?" "No! Go get my makeup bag from the cabin!" "But the bees...?" "Now!" Owen was just about to get up when I stopped him. I glared at Heather for a second, before grumbling. "I'll get it myself. Do not do a single thing Heather tells you until I'm back."

I stood up, and walked off, angrily. Stupid Heather... What an absolute...

*angry screaming from Lewis* (that was in the confessional)

"Oh, that is it. Someone's gotta teach this girl a little respect."

Harold walked past me in some pyjamas. "Harold, why are you...?" "This is all I've got left. If those sickos wanna see me butt naked, they'll have to try. Why are you out here?" "The demon queen of the kitchen wanted Owen to get her makeup bag, but I knew he'd get stung by hornets. He's still healing. I can't risk hospitalization under my supervision." I shook my head, and shrugged. "You sure are nice at times." "I need to be. Good luck with those three, Harold." He continued walking, and I went to go grab Heather's bag.

I got back, but narrowly avoided a hornet's nest. It really is dangerous out there. Strangely, my home was still more dangerous than this. 

"Give me it, Lewis!" "Wait, what?" Leshawna yelled in my direction. "In the fridge!" I realized what they wanted to do. "Oops." I threw it behind me, and it landed in the fridge. Heather ran after it, and Leshawna quickly shut the door. Some of the girls pressed their ears against the door, but I didn't need to. She was screaming that loud. "Hey! You can't do this! I'm head chef!" "Do you think Heather's really mad at us?" "I WILL DESTROY YOU!" "She'll get over it. Girl needs to learn how to chill." She literally made dents in the door.

I checked the clock, and it was five minutes until serving. "Alright, guys. 10 minutes left. I think you should save the cake by coating it again, but it's totally up to you. Two layers should disguise the burnt flambé well." Leshawna nodded, and got to work. She spoke as she was working.

"You know, kid, you've got a real thing for leadership." "R-Really?" "Better than the demon we locked inside that fridge." I turned to the fridge, and heard Heather screaming. "I guess."

"Leadership. Hm..."

"We might just win this thing yet, y'all. Owen, guard the food. Lewis, watch him. All right, let's do this!" I confidently nodded, and stood by Owen. Everyone walked out.  "Okay. Lookin' good, you guys. Really good..." I raised an eyebrow as Owen leant down. "Oh? What's that, Mr. Ribs? You feel a bit lopsided?" He took a bite out of the food, and my eyes widened. "Owen, no!" "S-Sorry! It's just so good! T-That side looks a little fat..." He took another bite. "Owen!" 

I dragged him away from the food as far as I could, but he was... strong. Yeah, 'strong'. "O-Owen, you did NOT just eat the ENTIRE plate!" I heard someone gasp, as me and Owen turned our heads. Leshawna furrowed her brows, and walked over. "Tell me you did not just eat that entire plate of ribs!" I quickly let go of Owen, and backed up. "Sorry. I tried!" "It ain't you, Lewis. We'll have to take this out anyway. Stay here, Owen, come with me!"

He anxiously looked at me as he left. I rolled my eyes. My attention was brought to the fridge. Heather... It's been 10 minutes. Is this not bad?

"Okay. A little bit of me said it was bad. A bigger bit said that Heather deserved this!" 

I shook my head, and continued to watch the food. Leshawna came in, grabbed the cake, and left. That made my job a lot easier. There was no food left to guard. I better let Heather out.

I walked over to the fridge, and opened it. Heather was blue. I lead her out into the cafeteria, where Owen and Dad looked at her shocked. "Oh, the horror!" Dad backed up a little, as I shrugged. "You guys are s-s-s-so dead! Is it over?" Dad happily nodded. "It is. The Bass win twenty-one to twelve..." The Killer Bass cheered. "...and it's not just 'cause I almost died. The ribs sucked, too." Heather scoffed. "Great! That's just great! Why do we keep losing, people?" Heather noticed the totem on the table, and walked up to it. "And what is this? I didn't approve this!" 

My eyes widened, and I immediately understood my mistake. Beth anxiously took it. "I-I brought it back as a souvenir. You know, from the other island." "You did what!?" Me and Dad both stood up, and began to yell, talking at the same time. "You mean Boney Island? The deadliest island in Muskoka?!" I finished it off. "The one I specifically said not to take anything from or you'll be cursed!?" Beth shrunk away from us both. "Yeah... I didn't know! I'll put it back!" She ran away, and I sighed. 

Dad continued talking all host-style. "Okay, the Killer Bass now lead with seven members to the Gophers' soon to be six. And as promised, the winners will be enjoying a reward tonight. A five-star dinner under the stars." The Killer Bass cheered, as Duncan picked up Courtney, and spun her around. She happily laughed. "Okay! Put me down!" She quickly switched, and angrily yelled at him. "Put me down!" He fearfully put her down, laughing nervously. 

"I'm glad this went so well. I hope Duncan and Courtney kiss, though. She's clearly a tsundere." I paused, and starting blushing from embarrassment. "I can't believe I just said that!"

We all sat around the campfire. Yes, even me. Heather needed to warm up by the fire, but I was sitting down because I felt like the air had been cleared, since Beth got rid of the totem.

"Today's vote was really hard, but only because there were so many annoying people to choose from."

"I can't believe we locked her in the fridge! That was so cool! She's not going to see this, is she?" Lindsay sat up, and stopped laughing.

 "Leshawna is a royal pain in the butt. And Owen completely screwed up everything for us."

"Her eyebrows look so bad! I'd kinda like to vote Heather off, but..."

I sat with my arms crossed. "It's almost definitely Beth. I mean, people are scared of Heather. I'm not. But, you know what I mean."

"I vote for Beth." Heather said, and crossed her arms.

He burped before talking. "Beth."

Dad started talking. "I've got seven Gophers sitting in front of me tonight. But only six fluffy bits of sweet safety in my hands. So good luck. When I call your name, come up and get your marshmallow." Everyone looked around cautiously. "Leshawna. Owen. Gwen. Trent. Lindsay. Heather, Beth. It's down to you. Whoever doesn't get this last marshmallow must immediately walk The Dock of Shame and leave on the Boat of Losers. Forever." Heather crossed her arms, while Beth shrunk into her seat anxiously. She seemed to be doing that a lot more.

"The final marshmallow goes to... Heather." She smirked, and grabbed her marshmallow. "You heard him. Boat of Losers, that-a-way. That really was stupid of you to take that doll from the island." I nodded in agreement. Beth was okay until I found out she took a relic. I wouldn't be too bothered if it was, like, a rock, or something. Leshawna waved to her. "See ya, girl." She sadly walked away.

Dad clasped his hands together, and grinned happily. "That's it for tonight. And you might wanna burn some sage to get rid of any lingering curse vibes." Leshawna stood up. "Cool. Will Chef give us some sage?" Dad looked at me. I swear we did, but... "Nope. Good luck with that."

[Time Skip - 10 Hours]

It was all a fun game this morning. Since I had a better relationship with nearly everyone, Duncan came to me for this prank. Geoff, DJ, Duncan and I moved Harold's bed to the dock, and we couldn't stop snickering the entire way there. That morning, I told all the girls about it, and they jumped into the lake, waiting for Harold to wake up.

When he did, everyone in the lake giggled at him. He wasn't wearing any pants. "Good morning, Harold." Geoff, DJ, and Duncan rowed by on their canoes, shouting to him. I sat in the canoe, watching the entire thing go down. "So, learned your lesson yet?" He anxiously yelled back. "Yes! Okay! Yes!" Geoff looked at me, and I shook my head. So, he yelled to Harold. "Oh, we're gonna need more than that, man." "I-I'll never leave my crusty underwear out again! I swear!" I giggled, and shrugged. "What the heck? I believe him." Duncan laughed. "It was a pleasure doing business with you!" Geoff threw the bag full of pants and underwear to him.

Everyone laughed at him, while he ran off.

I grinned at the camera. "For all the people on the Boat of Losers, that was for you guys!" I winked, and laughed.

Chapter Text

Heather sneezed, and I shuffled away from her. It was gross. She didn't even use the tissues. Gwen walked over, sat down, and smirked. "Need a little echinacea?" When she responded, it sounded like she had a stuffy nose. "Ha, you're so funny. You think that you can just lock me up in a freezer and get away with it? I am gonna make you sorry that you ever met me!" She must've had a cold, or something. I didn't care, and honestly, I didn't want to know whatever grotesque disease she was dying of. Gwen whispered to Leshawna, and she grinned. "Too late." Heather was about to berate me for smiling at it. "You are such a... a... a... ACHOO!" 

I moved even further away from her. "You truly disgust me. Learn how to use a tissue." I earned a few laughs off the Gophers. Heather wasn't so happy. "Ugh! I hate this place!" "I can agree, but replace 'this place', with 'you', and you'll have my thoughts." I nodded, and looked away. 

"Normally, I wouldn't be rude to anyone. But, life has to have exceptions. Heather is one of those." I folded my arms.

"You know, Lewis." I turned my head back. It was just Gwen talking to me. "Yeah?" "I'm starting to wonder. Are you home-schooled, or do you go publicly?" "Uh... neither?" I shrugged, but it seemed to be a pretty big deal. "You didn't go to school?" "I-It's not that bad!" I fearfully shut down the conversation. "I just... I was with my mom for most of my childhood. She didn't exactly... 'care' for school. Or me." I said the last part under my breath, in hopes of ending the topic there. "Whoever that woman is, she needs to be taught a lesson."

Heather tilted her head, and glared at Leshawna. "Huh. Maybe you should lock her in a freezer!" The last few words of her sentence were yelled, so everyone could hear her. I rolled my eyes at Heather. "I dunno. I think we should just leave it at... 'I didn't go to school, and my mom didn't care.' Okay?" "Sure, baby." All of a sudden, Dad's voice came through the loudspeakers. "Campers! This week's challenge will be taking place in five minutes. Meet me at the dock."

"So! Last week's challenge exposed a few Gopher issues." Heather, Gwen and Leshawna glared at each other, like there were knives in their eyes. "But! I'm sensing a little something funky floating in the Bass pond, too." Duncan gently elbowed Courtney, but she glared at him. She pushed him over, and he yelled as he fell. I stifled a laugh, and coughed to cover it. "So, this week’s challenge is going to be centred around building trust. Because all good things begin with a little trust." He nodded, but some people were not having it. Duncan stood up, rubbed his arm, and glared at Courtney, who was smirking at him.

"I trusted Trent once. He left me buried alive on the beach." Gwen folded her arms, and frowned.

"There will be three major challenges that will have to be completed by two or more members of your team." Duncan exaggerated his eye roll. Courtney angrily glared at him again, and crossed her arms. "Normally, we like to have the campers choose their partners, but not this time!" He chuckled. "More fun for me!" 

"I am starting to believe Chris is just a tad sadistic."

We stood in front of Dad, as he spoke. " Okay! So for the first challenge, you’ll be doing an extreme freehand rock climbing adventure! DJ and Duncan will play for the Bass. Heather and Gwen for the Gophers." Heather smirked at Gwen, and she cringed away from her. "Ugh!" "Here's your belay, and harness." Dad threw them to Gwen, but Heather snatched them from her. "Hey! What's your damage?!" Heather turned her head away from Gwen. "If you think I'm letting you hold me up, you're nuts!" 

"Ah! You won't be holding her up, exactly. One camper pulls the slack through the belay, as their partner climbs. If the climber falls, the belay will stop them from crashing." Dad demonstrated with the belay. He threw one end of the rope to Duncan, who tugged on it. Dad then pulled it back and put it away. "The catch? Both the side and the base of the mountain are rigged with a few minor distractions, like... rusty nails, slippery oil slicks, mild explosives, and... a few other surprises!" Harold grinned. "Wicked." Duncan, on the other hand, wasn't very happy. "I told you I don't like surprises." "Did you?" Dad grinned, and played dumb. "Oh well! The person on belay must also harness their partner up. It’s all about trust, people." Gwen and Heather were having a stare-off. "And remember, never let go of the rope. Your partner’s life depends on it."

Gwen raised her hand, and pointed at Heather. "Excuse me! Can we trade partners? I really don't feel like being dropped on my head today." Heather put a hand to Gwen's face. "Puh-lease! As much as I love your company, I'm not gonna throw a challenge just to kill you. Yet. Now, spread 'em." She held up the belay and harness. Duncan walked DJ over to the mountain, and started hooking him up. He was very nervous. I walked over to them both, and made sure they were the people behaving. "Never tried this before. Have you guys?" "Oh, yeah. They teach you how to climb walls in prison all the time." "I have. It's actually quite fun. Makes you feel alive, depending on how high up you are." DJ tilted his head. "What about this mountain?"

I looked up. "Hm... oil, nails, bombs... probably make you feel like a god if you get out of this alive. Especially if you're under Chris' supervision. I wouldn't worry, though. He takes legal stuff very seriously." Bunny stuck his head out of DJ's pocket, and sniffed Duncan. Duncan's eyes widened, as he stood up. "Aw, sorry, little buddy. You can't come up with me. You can trust Lewis. He's my buddy." DJ passed the rabbit to me. "Yo, Lewis. Hold Bunny while I'm on the rock. Thanks, man." I took him, and nodded. "Sure." Both DJ and Duncan walked away, and I turned my focus to Heather and Gwen.

"There. You're all hooked up." Gwen inspected the harness, only to find a second belay attached to her shorts. "What's the second rope for?" "It's a backup line." Gwen furrowed her brows. "What are you smiling about?" Heather grimaced, and faked a smile. "Nothing. I'm just really happy we got on this challenge together." Gwen wasn't convinced. She pouted, and put her hands on her hips.

"It's all her fault for messing with me. I have got a doctorate in revenge and humiliation." She yelled into the camera.

DJ and Gwen were making their way up the mountain. A few explosions went off, one above DJ, and one right in Gwen's face. Luckily, she wasn't injured. Heather caught her with the belay, and yelled up. "It's okay, I've got you!" But, this was cut short, as Dad sprayed Heather with a water gun. It was not water. "I promised surprises! Habanero pepper sauce, anyone?" It went directly into Heather's eyes. She was soaked - head to toe. "UGH! What the hell, Chris!?" She let go of the rope to rub her eyes, which made Gwen fall.

She screamed as she fell, and landed in a bush. "Muy caliente!" He then sprayed it at Duncan. He turned towards us, and I saw he was wearing sunglasses. He took it like a champ. He even SWALLOWED some! "Is that the best you can do?" Dad paused. He then turned to the interns and me. "Is that the best we can do?" They all shrugged. He noticed I was holding Bunny, and raised an eyebrow. "I'm looking after Bunny for DJ." He processed what I was saying, and turned back around. 

I watched as Gwen made her way back up the mountain. "Come on, Gwen! You don't wanna fall... behind!" She pulled on the backup rope, and it tore her shorts clean off. The fabric landed on DJ's eyes. My jaw dropped, and I moved my hand over Bunny's eyes. Gwen yelled out, surprised. Duncan took off his sunglasses, and smiled. "Well, you don't see that every day." "No, you don't, my man. No, you don't." Dad agreed with him. My eyes widened, and I wanted to cover Bunny's ears, but I only had one spare hand. That was covering his eyes.

DJ took the fabric off of his eyes, only to be met with Gwen's underwear. "Woah!" He slipped, and fell all the way down the mountain. Gwen grabbed the fabric before it could fall. Unfortunately, Duncan's leg got caught up in the belay, and he was pulled up to the middle of the mountain, where he crashed into DJ. They both groaned. "This bites." "Big time."

Gwen made it to the top, and grinned. "Looks like the Gophers have won the first challenge." She cheered, but realized she still revealed. "YEAH! Crap!" She blushed, flustered, and covered her underwear with her shorts' fabric. 

"I wonder if Mason will be coming up to do the stunts." I put a hand to my chin.

Looks like he did. He did a somersault, and hid behind the podium. Dad stood up, and dusted himself off. "And now, round two! The extreme... cooking... challenge!" Mason made quite a racket on the way out. Everyone looked his way, and by everyone, I meant Geoff, Bridgette, Trent, and Lindsay. That's right. Even Lindsay noticed someone was there. "Each team must choose who cooks, and who eats." He said this with a smirk. I already knew Lindsay and Trent were done for.

Geoff turned to Bridgette, and spoke. "I was head chef last time. You better cook." Lindsay waved her hand at Trent, and smiled. "Ooh, Todd! I'll be the cook!"

"Okay. She's no Steven Hawking." He shrugged. "But, hey, it's cooking. How bad could she screw it up?"

Chef wheeled in a fish tank with two blowfish. "Today, you'll be preparing Fugu sashimi, the traditional Japanese blowfish." An intern hit the gong off-camera, which made the entire room shake. "Lou, if you will." I looked up, and nodded. I passed Bunny to Geoff on my way over. "The Fugu blowfish contains enough lethal toxins to kill thirty people." Chef fished them out, and threw them to each cook. Lindsay carelessly tapped the blowfish with her carving knife, much to Trent's fear. "They must be sliced very, very carefully to cut around the poisonous organs. The poison paralyzes the muscles, makes the victim unable to breathe, and eventually come to their demise from asphyxiation. I want to remind you that there is no antidote. No worries."

Trent, terrified, took Lindsay by the shoulders. "You have taken biology, right!?" She happily nodded her head. "Begin!" "Phew..." With another poke from the carving knife, Lindsay's fish deflated around the room like a balloon, and eventually broke a window. I looked at her, surprised. "Legally, you've gotta pay for that." I pointed my thumb at the window.

Dad came up to me with a grin. "I like how descriptive you got with that." "Thanks." "They won't, um... actually die though, will they?" My eyes widened. Oh, crap. "N-No! Obviously not. Just a joke. Big words can be intimidating." He happily nodded, and returned to what he was doing. I took a deep breath, and sighed in relief.

"We're gonna get so sued." 

Bridgette had finished, and I had been returned Bunny. "Finished!" Lindsay's dish was not so great. It was nothing but a fish head, some guts, and mush. She anxiously took out a bottle of ketchup, and squirted it on the meal. Bridgette pushed the plate over to Geoff, and he hesitantly picked up a piece of sushi. He slowly edged it towards his mouth, while Dad and Chef watched in anticipation, while Bridgette was very, very nervous. I moved back a step, in case he threw up, or something.

He put it in his mouth, and chewed it.

...?

...Huh. Dying?

...

Screaming?

...

Not even gagging?!

...

Bridgette had done it safely! "Excellence." Geoff wasn't too intent on eating another one, but it tasted nice to him. It was Lindsay's turn. She pushed the brunch of disgustingness over to him, and I noticed she drew a smiley face with the ketchup. That made me mentally gag. Don't get me wrong. Ketchup is nice. But... fish guts and ketchup?

"Gross!" I gagged several times.

"Ta-da!" Trent anxiously picked up a fork, and poked some of the mush. He looked at it, before shakily putting it in his mouth. He chewed it for a few seconds. "Mm-hmm..." He swallowed it, and I had a bad feeling. I was standing beside Bridgette and Geoff, with Bunny on the counter.

...?

Lindsay did not do it safely. Trent whacked himself several times, and screamed. Then, he just stopped. He laughed for a second, and I sighed in relief. 

"Boy, would I have gotten a look from Dad! Ha-ha!" I chuckled.

Trent then held his chest, and fell over. I looked at Geoff, and we both covered Bunny's eyes. Bridgette was mortified. Dad was just as shocked as she was, but kept his cool. Trent propped himself up on the table, and I noticed he went blue. He stuttered, and looked at Lindsay. "I thought you said you passed biology!" Lindsay looked down at him, worried. "I said I TOOK biology!" Trent gagged, and collapsed again.

I fearfully walked over to him with Bridgette, Geoff, and Dad, and he was lying in a pool of his own vomit. Lindsay shut her eyes. "EWW!" "Ah, it's cool. Give him, say, 24 hours, and he'll be up walking and breathing, good as new." Dad walked away. He still thought I was joking. "Uh... Is anyone gonna help this guy?" Chef walked over, in a nurse's outfit. I decided it was probably a good idea to get Bunny out of here before he saw something traumatizing.

Geoff and Bridgette followed. I ended up sitting on the dock while Bridgette and Geoff jumped into the lake. "Are you sure you don't want to swim, Lewis?" Bridgette looked at me. "Oh, um, yeah. I'm sure." "Alright." Geoff called out. "Last one in's a rotten blowfish! Uh- Whoops! Whoa. Gotta put Bunny in a safe spot first." Geoff passed me Bunny, and then jumped in with Bridgette.

They swam around, and chatted. "You were so brave to eat that fish." "No biggie. I knew I could trust you. You're cool. Know what else is cool?" Geoff said as he climbed out of the lake. He then jumped in, and made a large splash in the water. Bridgette followed him, and jumped in, too. I made sure not to get my chest wet, or anything.

"So... Yeah. I see potential with Bridgette and Geoff. Surfer dude, surfer girl. They're also both pretty lax."

Bridgette and Geoff climbed out of the lake. While Bridgette was intent on using a towel, Geoff shook his body around like a dog to dry off. He splashed my clothes a bit, but not enough to be noticeable by other people. I looked down to check on Bunny, and he was gone. "CRAP!" They both immediately turned my way, and noticed Bunny was gone, too. I rapidly looked around, and spotted a snake that had a Bunny-shaped bump in its stomach. I grabbed it, and got Bunny out.

"I'm never going to speak of how I got Bunny out. I'm afraid they might get the RSPCA on me. But, it was essential."

I laughed in relief, and held Bunny up in victory... "Yes!" Only for it to be taken by an eagle. I spent a few seconds processing what the hell just happened. My eyes widened. Bridgette gasped, and worriedly yelled. "The eagle! Geoff, get it!" "How?!" "Grab him by the feet, or the wings, or something!" He anxiously looked at me, and I quickly nodded.

He snuck up behind the eagle. "That's it... Here, eagle, eagle." He got close, until a shark bit into the dock, swallowing both the eagle, and Bunny. "Aw, come on!" He stomped his foot angrily, and I panicked. I looked down at my tank top, and furrowed my brows. "Screw it." I took it off, so my binder was visible, and jumped into the lake.

"He's gonna get eaten by a shark! Agh!" Geoff dug his hands into his face.

It was nothing short of a brutal fight. I got bit, scratched, bruised, but it was all worth it. I did get Bunny out, and quickly swam to the surface.

"Lewis!" Bridgette helped me out of the water. "G-Got him." I held up Bunny, who was fairly terrified. Geoff quickly took him, and I coughed a few times. 

"That was probably the most dangerous thing I've ever done." I laughed, holding my forehead. A drop of sweat ran down my face.

I dried off, thanks to Bridgette's towel, and put my tank top back on. They didn't seem to notice my binder, which I was thankful for, but they did notice how beaten up I was. "Are you okay?" I coughed again, and nodded. "I'm good. The shark can't say the same. Sorry, Bridgette. I know how much you like them." "Not these ones. These ones are horrible." She shook her head. "NO!" Geoff yelled, and I saw an even bigger eagle take off. There was no way we were getting Bunny back now.

"Damn it." I looked away, and brushed some hair out of my eyes. I fought a shark... for nothing? Oh well. I did feel pretty cool doing it, though. "How are we gonna break the news to DJ?" I asked, looking up at Geoff, who was currently standing. "I don't know. I guess... 'he ran away'?" "That's the best we'll manage." "What about your injuries?!" I looked at Bridgette. "Oh... um... I'll be fine."

"Just for the record. I did not murder the shark. It did not bleed when I choked it, so it's not dead."

"Good news. The third round involves three more challenges. It’s the three blind challenges. It begins with the blind William Tell, followed by the blind trapeze, and culminating in the treacherous blind toboggan." Everyone widened their eyes at different points. DJ turned to us three, and questioned us. "So, where's Bunny? I miss him." Geoff's eyes widened, as he gasped. "B-Bunny? Uh... I- I'll go get him!"

He ran off. Me and Bridgette looked at each other. He didn't stick to the answer we agreed on. Dad put an arrow on DJ's head, much to my confusion. "Like legendary marksman William Tell, you’ll be knocking arrows off your partner’s head with crab apples." Courtney raised a brow. "Wasn't it the other way around?" "Shush! Also, the shooter will be blindfolded!" DJ gasped, and everyone, including me, shuffled away from him. Dad put on the blindfold, and aimed with a slingshot.

He fired the crab apple, and it hit him directly in the kiwis. "Ooh..." He fell onto his knees, and clutched his crotch. "Aw, nuts. "Leshawna and Owen, you’ll be one team. Courtney and Sadie, you’ll be the other." DJ groaned, and fell onto his stomach. Harold raised his hand, and adjusted his glasses. "I'm violently allergic to apples!" Sadie happily jumped up and down. "Ooh! Let me shoot! I'm a good shot!" Courtney sighed. "You'd better be." "Okay! Let's rock and roll!"

Bridgette comforted DJ, while Dad stood next to me. I know he wanted to have a private chat with me, but it wasn't the time. Despite her previous claim, Sadie missed every shot. Courtney got hit several times, and winced at each one. Every time Leshawna hit Owen in the face, he took it like a champ. 

Leshawna eventually bagged a bullseye, and was alerted when Owen laughed. "Ooh! Did I get a bullseye?" She took the blindfold off, and grinned. Sadie ignored this, and continued to shoot apples at Courtney. "I've got her this time!" Dad tried to stop her. "Leshawna won already!" Sadie continued to fire at Courtney. "Hey, moron, it's ov- OW!" She even hit a bear, our iconic mascot, and the sasquatch that lives here.

Dad rushed over to her, and grabbed her by the shoulders. "SADIE! It's over, man! Let it go!" She took off her blindfold, and smiled. "Oopsie. Sorry." Courtney stumbled for a few seconds. "Ugh... you're going down." She then fell over.

"It was, like, totally an accident. Sorry, Courtney!" Sadie giggled.

"And now, the blind trapeze! To avoid serious injury, the trapeze has been set up over this pond, which is full of jellyfish." The Killer Bass gasped, while Geoff shook his head in disbelief. "Dude..." Dad threw the blindfolds to the respective teams, and explained. "You two will stand blindfolded on the platform until your partners tell you when to jump." Heather crossed her arms. "And then?" "Then hopefully they’ll catch you. Or that’s gonna be one heck of a painful swim." He chortled, and raised a fist. "Okay! Hut-hut!"

Lindsay, Heather, Harold, and Bridgette climbed up to the trapeze. I stayed with Geoff, who was extremely nervous. DJ hasn't noticed he was there yet. "Lewis." I turned to see Dad. He wanted to talk. I looked at Geoff anxiously, before walking away. "Yeah?" "What happened?" "What- What do you mean?" "I think you know." He darted his eyes to my injuries, before looking back at me. "Oh, um... I- I just..." I tried my hardest to come up with something.

Luckily, we were interrupted by Heather's screams. "We'll talk later." He walked past me, and I joined Geoff again. "So, you, where's Bunny at?" Geoff stuttered, begging me to answer for him. I sighed, and looked down. "He's not with us anymore." "H-He ran away! B-But... um... I'm sure he'll be back. Sorry, dude." "Nah. It's not your fault, dudes." DJ walked away, sadly. 

"My little Bunny... we were such good friends." He fell onto his knees, and yelled. "BUNNY! WHY'D YOU DO ME LIKE THIS?!" I was pulled to the side by Geoff. "What was that, man?!" "What?" "'He's not with us anymore'!? What happened to 'he ran away'!?" I furrowed my brows angrily at him. "Well, at least I'm not a liar!" He gasped. "Take that back, dude." I put my foot down. "You are! That's all you've been today! A liar!" I looked at Geoff, and pointed at him. "Either you're gonna tell him, or I'll do it myself." He returned the same angry look. "Well, maybe we shouldn't be co-parents together anymore!" I gasped, and crossed my arms. I hid my feelings of sadness very well, and replaced it with anger, frustration, and disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that." "It's true." I furrowed my brows, and turned to him. "See, THIS! This is your problem. You always have the last word as a parent, and-" "Oh, as if YOU aren't the overprotective one, you-" Our shouting and arguing overlapped each other's. Now, everybody was watching us fight. I made several gestures during my talking, like crossing my arms, shaking my head. Geoff, on the other hand, was waving his hands around.

Bridgette came in between us both. "Guys, guys! Stop! Seriously! You're both fighting like children!" I turned to Bridgette. "I AM a child!" "He IS a child!" Me and Geoff both said at the same time. "Don't interrupt me when I'm talking! This is why you-" And... we overlapped each other again.

"Okay, fine. Sure, I got angry. Sure, I suggested we lie! But, I fought a snake, AND a shark for DJ! The least Geoff could do was thank me for TRYING!"

"What is Lewis' problem!? He totally suggested the idea!" Geoff crossed his arms.

"Gosh. I don't know who to side with here. I like Lewis, and I like Geoff!" Bridgette shook her head.

I watched as Gwen, Leshawna, DJ and Geoff made their way up the mountain with Dad and Chef. They were gonna do a toboggan race, blindfolded, obviously. "On your marks. Get set..." He blew the airhorn, and both pairs began to race down the mountain. Duncan came beside me, and elbowed me. "What do you want?" I huffed. "This is what you want." He put a rabbit in my arms. It looked identical to Bunny. My eyes widened, and I looked up at him.

"How did you...?" "Found the little twerp running around. Get DJ to take better care of... this one." I realized what he meant by that. For the first time, he had a genuine smile on his face. He got rid of it, and acted like it never happened. "HEY, DJ! LOOK WHO LEWIS FOUND!" I saw Geoff looking this way.

"What was he thinking? I didn't find him!"

DJ took his blindfold off for a second, and grinned when he saw the rabbit in my arms. They were too far away to hear, but they could hear us. He immediately put the blindfold on, and got his head in the game. But, Dad had other plans. He set off some explosions, but DJ and Geoff avoided them. It was head-to-head, until an explosion got set off, which shot Geoff and DJ upwards, and through the sky.

They both landed directly on the finishing line, just a few seconds before Gwen and Leshawna. They had won? They had won! The Killer Bass cheered, and they all rushed over to Geoff. DJ took off his blindfold, and walked over to me. I gently passed DJ the rabbit, and he spun around with it. He snuggled his face into it, and thanked me. "Thanks, Lewis. You're the best." I looked at Duncan, and he nodded. "Sure. I- I know how much he meant to you." "And the Bass are the winners of the toboggan race!"

"I'm NOT nice, okay!? Just to set the record straight!" He angrily pointed at the camera.

Courtney called Duncan over to her, and Geoff walked up to me. "I... uh, wanna apologize, man. I went too far." I looked up at him. "It's okay. We both..." I looked down, and ran my fingers along the cuts from the shark attack. "We both got angry." "So, are we cool?" He held out a hand. "We're cool." I smiled, and shook it. Dad continued speaking. "Unfortunately, I said that these were blind challenges. By taking off the blindfold for a moment, you broke the number one rule, which makes the Gophers today’s big winners!" The Gophers cheered, and I sighed. "Sorry, DJ. I made you guys lose."

"You got my buddy back! That's better than any challenge reward." He beamed at me, and I looked down.

- - -

I sat in the medical tent, holding my arm out to Dad. He was bandaging it up. "I wish you would tell me these things, Lewis." "I didn't want you to worry." I mumbled out. "Well, I did worry! Fighting a snake, a shark, you know what the animals here are capable of." I couldn't stop myself from feeling as if I made him angry. I looked away, upset. My voice trembled. "I know. I'm sorry." "I could've lost you, Lewis." I shut my eyes, as I held back tears. I didn't want to put that on Dad. It wasn't fair. He let go of my arm, and I brought it to my side.

It was silent for a second. I then hugged Dad tightly, and hid my face in his chest.

"Hm... how could I use this to my advantage?" They smirked, and looked to their side.

Chapter Text

"Mom smells weird. I think she fell asleep again."

The Parson's were a lovely, simple family. 

Their home sat nestled in a tiny neighbourhood in a little nowhere town in Newfoundland, Canada. They had moved to Newfoundland, due to some family connections. In Canada, they were proud of their abode in Ramah, an abandoned mission. They lived in a small home, lattice decorating the sides allowing vines to grow. The wife, Mary was pregnant with child, her belly round under her dark black hoodie and jeans. The husband, Chris, was a working man, supporting his family at home. He had connections to the film industry.

Mary Parson, Lily Parson, and Chris McLean were a messy, horrible family.

Their home sat in nothing but a ghost town. Their own home shrouded in dirt and vines, broken lattice along the sides. Mary loved to party, drink, and smoke with her best friends in Ontario. She'd do anything to have a drink right now, instead of raising a child without a husband. They came to Canada for an easier life, what they got was the complete opposite. The mobile home was without stairs, so Mary couldn't throw herself down them like she did with the last pregnancy. Her husband was no longer her husband. They had argued for so long, they came to the conclusion it would be better for everyone to just have a divorce.

They couldn't afford a car. By they, I meant Chris. He had spent so much time blindly spending money on his family, he didn't even realize how ungrateful and greedy Mary was. She never wanted kids. She repeated that to Lily each and every single day. She wanted her to feel exactly the same as Mary did during her gut-wrenching pregnancy. She was working on keeping the home spotless on the inside, only to exhaust herself during the night, fighting the urge to shoot herself in the abdomen with each kick against her stomach. She had kept a gun in case that bastard of an actor returned. Despite her several warnings from the court, she still denied co-parenting. Despite how much she hated that waste of space, Lily was hers, and hers only. She had spent nearly a year carrying that thing. Why should some prick come and take it away?

She hated Lily. She looked far too masculine. She was thought to have some sort of neurodivergence. Mary hated her. Lily couldn't help how she turned out. She was too young to realize her own mother, her creator, despised the very thing she looked forward to for nine months. Mary believed giving Lily a feminine name would solve the misgendering problem that very rapidly arose. It did not. In fact, it made things worse. Chris had no say in the name. Chris did not even get permission from Mary to see his own child. To see his own baby. Lily had only seen him once in her entire lifetime. The only things she did know were things her mother told her. 'Horrible', and 'evil'. It didn't match what she saw. In her eyes, Chris was an inspiration. An amazing man, with an amazing job.

Of course, she could never speak her mind. Mary would get out another glass bottle if she did. The bottles that were not given to Lily were often full to the brim of some strange smelling substance. Not for long, though, as Mary often emptied three in an hour. She drank around eight a day, depending on how bad Lily messed up. It didn't have to be something horrible. All she had to do was talk too loud, and Mary would grab a bottle.

Lily stood up, and propped herself up on the glass table. She mumbled to herself, as she walked past her mom.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

Lily turned her head. "N-Nowhere..."

"Then sit the fuck back down. And get me my drink while you're up."

Lily anxiously turned to the fridge.

"Okay..." She walked over to the fridge, opened the door, and looked inside. Her eyes widened in fear.

"Mom?"

"What!?"

"There's none... left..."

Mary was furious. She stood up, and started yelling.

"Don't lie to me! Get the fuck out of my way!"

She pushed Lily over, and tears filled her eyes. 

Mary had already seen the empty cans before Lily began to cry.

"Stop fucking crying! You're acting like a baby!"

Lily flinched at her mom, crying harder than she previously was.

"Shut the fuck up!"

Lily's cries turned into wails, which turned into shrieks. She was terrified of the yelling being projected at her. "I-I'm sor-sorry!"

She was, yet again, locked in her room. There was little to nothing she could do. Lily hated her room. She was curled up on her bed with Cody, her stuffed kitten. She sniffled several times, burying her face in her cat. She could hear the muffled noises of footsteps past her door, and she sat up.

"M-M-Mom...?" No response.

There was simply groaning on the other side. Mom had been drinking again. She knew from how weird the footsteps sounded.

Mary unlocked the door, and stumbled into Lily's room. She quickly sat up, and put Cody under her pillow.

"Lucy..."

Lily looked down, correcting her. "L-Lily."

"Whatever. Have you learned your lesson?"

"G-Give you... w-when you ask?"

Mary glared at Lily. "Good. Keep your ass in there until tomorrow."

Mary slurred her words as she spoke. Lily nodded, and lay back down on her bed, as Mary locked the door again. Lily pulled Cody out from under her pillow. She frowned at him.

"I'm sorry... She'll get real mad." Lily gently placed Cody down on her bed, and she fell backward, so her head hit the pillow.

But, it was quiet. There wasn't even the sound of Mom's shows on TV. Lily sat up, and looked towards the door. Then, out of nowhere, Mom and someone started arguing.

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

The other person who was arguing back, Lily could understand better than Mom?

"THAT THERE IS MY FAMILY! YOU GOT NO RIGHT TO DENY LEGAL ACTION!"

Lily picked up Cody, and held him close, comforting not only him, but herself.

"I CAN DO WHATEVER I FUCKIN' WANT WITH HER!"

"MARY, STOP IT!"

Lily recognized that voice. It was her dad. It was Chris. She wondered why he was here. Were they talking about her?

"I AM SURE AS HELL NOT GOING BACK! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!"

Lily fell on her side, and curled up into a ball, trying to ignore the yells and bad words that flooded her head. There were sirens, too. It was really scary for Lily. The noises, her feelings, her tears, it was all too much. She sobbed into Cody, and the kitten soaked up her tears in its fabric. 

It was a blur. From as soon as they began arguing, to the moment it ended. She kept trembling. Mom had stopped yelling, and the sirens had went away. Then, someone stepped into her room.

I sat up quickly. I bumped my head, and I held it in pain. "Dio, che male! Onestamente, che diavolo è stato!? Stupido stronzo..." I muttered under my breath. I groaned, and remembered where I was. I got convinced to start sleeping in the boy's cabin. "Lewis? You alright?" I rubbed my head in pain, and looked up to see who was talking to me. It was just DJ. "Yeah, I'm fine... I just hit my head... Wait, why're you awake?" Duncan jumped down from his bunk. "Snoring Beauty over there." He pointed to Harold. He was snoring super loudly, and even drooling. Gross. "What woke you up, given it wasn't Harold?" 

I shifted uncomfortably in my bed, and hesitated to speak. Duncan raised an eyebrow. "Listen, if you had a bad dream, we won't make fun of you. It happens to the best of us." He shrugged, and I looked away. "Yeah. Just... just a bad dream. That's it." I held my arms, and realized I was still wearing bandages. "Huh. Well, since we're all up... why don't we do something real fun?" He smirked, and everybody seemed to agree, except me.

"No thanks. I'm not really in the mood." "Suit yourself."

Chapter Text

I sat up, groaning. My body ached. But, that's what you get for trying to be a hero. Last night was probably the worst night I've ever slept. I couldn't sleep at all after that bad dream. Combined with Harold's snoring... I yawned, and stretched. "Woah, Lewis! How tired ARE you?" Duncan laughed. "How tired do you think?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He laughed again, and continued to carve a skull into the wood of the cabin.

Harold rushed out of the cabin, yelling at us. "OKAY! Who made s'mores out of my underwear!?" Duncan and Geoff laughed, and I yawned again. He threw the underwear on the ground, right in front of Courtney. It looked disgusting, to both me and Courtney. She cringed away from it, and yelled. "Ew! Harold! You are so, totally, GROSS!" She angrily walked away, although Harold tried to stop her. "No, wait! It wasn't me! Idiots!" He yelled at me, Duncan, and Geoff, but I shrugged. "Hey, don't look at me. I don't wanna go anywhere near your gross underwear."

He stormed off, trying to ignore Duncan and Geoff. "Sometimes, he just makes it too easy." "Heh, I hear you, man." I rolled my eyes. "Or you make it too hard. Maybe you should give him a break." Duncan looked at me in surprise. "What, really?" I snickered. "Pfft. No! This is funny as hell." We all laughed, but were quickly interrupted by the loudspeakers.

"Listen up, you little cockroaches! I want all campers to report to the Dock of Shame at 0900 hours!" There was a silence throughout the camp. Owen shrugged at Trent, while Lindsay and Leshawna looked at each other. Why was Chef on the loudspeakers? I think they were more confused about what '0900 hours' meant. "That means now, soldiers! Now!" I stood up, stretched, and made my way over to the dock. I was there first, unsurprisingly.

Chef was in his old military uniform. Like, the one he fought wars and lead armies in.  "Where's Dad?" I looked up at him, slightly confused. "He's busy. Wanted me to take over today." I nodded, and watched as the other campers lined up. Now, this. This line-up, is gonna be so good. He yelled through his megaphone. "Line up and stand at attention! You call this proper formation?! Knees together!" He used his rod to hit Geoff's knees. He immediately straightened his legs, and kept them together. "Arms down!" He hit Duncan's folded arms, which quickly lowered on impact. He continued to judge and forcefully move people's positions around. It went from head to toe, if something was out of place, he'd spot it.

Gwen whispered to Trent, and Chef heard it perfectly well. "What did you say to me, soldier?!" She straightened her position, worried. "Um... nothing?" "And you will continue to say nothing until I tell you that you can say something!" He walked away from Gwen, and back to my side. "Today's challenge will not be an easy one. In fact, I do not expect everyone to come out alive." Oh. That sounded much more convincing that when Dad usually says it. Owen laughed, but got a smack on the back of the head from Chef's rod.

"Awww, that hurt!" "My orders are to make sure that all of the babies in front of me drop out of my boot camp except one. The last one standing wins immunity for their team!" Heather had asked the exact question I had. "Uh... what happened to Chris?" She didn't get an answer. Well, she did, but it was a list of rules, instead of anything even slightly related to Dad. "Rule number one! You will address me as Master Chief! Have you got that!?" Everyone spoke in unison, and nodded their heads "Yes, Master Chief!" 

"You will sleep when I tell you to sleep! And you will eat only when I tell you to eat! Is that clear?!" Geoff spoke to Chef directly, as he was right in his face. "Yes, Master Chief!" "Rule number two! When you are ready to give up, you will walk to the end of the dock, and ring the bell!" He held up a finger to prevent Heather from speaking. "Which brings me to rule number three! I'll have to get one quitter before the end of the first day! And that day will not end until someone drops out! Now, get your butts down to the beach, soldiers! Now, now, now!"

"Okay. Whoever's sick, twisted idea this was to put him in charge of this challenge, I have to say..." Gwen folded her arms. "I'm a little bit impressed." She raised an eyebrow, and smiled. 

"I said it as a joke! I didn't think he would actually go through with it!" I laughed under my breath, and spread my arms out.

"Listen up! Each team will hold a canoe over their heads! I catch you takin' your hands of the canoe, and you will be eliminated. And no one eats lunch until someone drops out! Canoes up!" Everybody looked at each other with uncertainty, before everyone picked up the canoes of their respective teams. Owen grinned. "Pfft. This isn't that hard." Geoff nodded. "Piece of cake!" 

[Time Skip - 3 Hours]

It was, in fact, not a piece of cake. Courtney seemed to be struggling with keeping the boat up, and Leshawna was extremely hungry. "Come on, you sissies! It's only been three hours!" "Looks like they missed lunch today." "Mhm. Guess they just weren't hungry! Unless someone wants to quit now." Dad and I were sitting on top of the Gopher canoe, and Chef was on top of the Bass canoe. It was quite comfortable, actually. I didn't have to strain myself too much like yesterday.

Owen's stomach growled, but Gwen eyed him. "Don't even think about it, Owen!" Geoff, on the other hand, had somehow acquired a fishing rod, and was using it to hook onto Harold's underwear. "Time to land that fish." Duncan whispered, and I notice he smirked at me. Geoff pulled the fishing line, so Harold's underwear ripped. "OW! Idiots!" He took his hands of the canoe, glaring at Geoff and Duncan, who snickered. "Is there a problem down here!?" He quickly put his hands back on the canoe, before Chef noticed. "N-No." 

[Time Skip - 8 Hours]

Dad had gone to bed, but I stayed with Chef. We had gotten off the canoes, but we both sat in front of the fire. Owen had fallen asleep standing up, and was snoring. "Twenty-five of us went in the jungle that night. Only five came back out." "Woah." I listened very intently to Chef. I loved his stories from the war. Gwen yawned, and looked at Chef. "What war were you in, anyway?" He stood up, and yelled. "Did I ask you to speak?! Because I don't remember asking you to speak!" "Whatever. He so wasn't in a war." She rolled her eyes. I clicked my tongue, and crossed my arms. "Vietnam War. 1st November 1955 to 30th April 1975. Second and last of the Indochina Wars. Convinced?" Gwen's eyes widened at me, and I shrugged. 

Lindsay trembled, and threw her arms down. "Guys, I- I can't do this anymore." She whined, and walked past Chef and I. "I have no more feeling in my arms." "Looks like we got ourselves a quitter." Owen had woken up, and was trying to get Lindsay to come back. "Don't do it, Lindsay!" However, his attempts deemed useless as she tiredly banged her head against the bell. The Gophers collapsed, their canoe falling on top of them. 

Chef and I walked over to Lindsay. Chef put a hand on her shoulder, and looked her in the eyes. "Listen here. You have nothing... to be ashamed of." He pulled out his megaphone, and shouted through it. "Except being a little baby that let your team down! As for the rest of you, to the mess hall! Dinner is served!" Owen stood up, and cheered. "Sweet Marie, thank you!" He was the first to run

Everybody followed suit, including Chef. I turned to Lindsay, and took her hand. She looked quite dizzy, and would probably get hurt on the way. "C'mon. Let's get you to the cafeteria." "What's a mess hall?" She asked as I began to walk with her. "It's just where we normally eat. That's how they say it in the war, and boot camps, and stuff."

"Lindsay might need some help today." I crossed my arms.

Me and Dad stood to the right of Chef. "Alright, maggots! Open your ears! You've got ten minutes to eat before night training begins! Get to it!" Owen, Harold and Duncan had some thoughts. "No way!" "Aw, man. No way!" Gwen raised an eyebrow, and glanced around. "Um, excuse me? Master Chief? Where's the food?" He pointed at the several trashcans. "You're looking at it." He chuckled, and Owen looked inside a trash can. "This is the leftover garbage from this morning's breakfast." "Darn right! When you're at war, you take what you can get!" "I second that." I nodded my head. 

"Well, I can see you've got this under control. I'm off to craft services. Coming?" "Serve me up some of that." "I'm gonna make sure Owen isn't up to anything." Chef and Dad walked out, Gwen sighed, and fished around in the trash can.

I sat down at the table that wasn't loaded with trash cans, and fiddled with my fingers. "THAT'S NOT JUICE!" I quickly looked up, to see Harold coughing, and yelling at Duncan and Geoff. They were snickering, and had obviously pulled, yet again, another prank. "Oh! Oh! My mistake, dude. W-We must've confused it with kitchen grease!" Courtney rolled her eyes, and sat down next to me with an empty tray. "You guys are so immature. I hope you're proud of yourselves." Duncan sat down next. "Ha. Okay, look. I know you like me. He knows you like me." He pointed at me. I did not in fact know Courtney liked Duncan. "Everyone knows it. So here's a tip. If you wanna kiss me, I might let you."

My eyes widened, about the same time as Courtney, and she put her hands on her hips. "And to think I actually thought you were nice!" "Shut-! Me? Nice? Haha, yeah right." "Why'd you think that?" "Never mind. I was wrong. He's just as gross and annoying as he wants you to believe. Enjoy your garbage!" She stood up with her tray, and stormed off.

Everyone eventually sat down at the same table I was on. "So, Lewis." Gwen poked at the trash with a fork. I looked up at her. "How'd you know so much if you didn't go to school?" I thought for a minute. "I- I'm self-taught. Why?" "Just because you act as if you've been to medical school, or something. It's not a bad thing. It's pretty good." "Really? You... mean that?" She nodded her head. Geoff spoke up. "I think you're lyin' to us, dude. There's no way someone your age could know as much as you do." He said with a smirk. 

Then, suddenly, all the attention was on me. "Well, um... I'm living proof that's wrong, haha!" I laughed it off nervously. 

"Why are they so curious about me!? Like, ask about where Gwen got her hair dye from, or something!"

"I can't believe they're making us eat garbage!" "Well, I am NOT eating this stuff!" Heather threw her tray. "This is virtually luxury food compared to what they made Chef eat." There were various exclamations of confusion and surprise around the table. "What did he eat, dude?" "So, a war story from me? I'm flattered. If I remember correctly, it was 1998." 

I told them all the story of Chef in a war. I repeated it exactly how he told me it when I was younger, except I had read up on it since then, and had more detail about the entire thing. The story seemed to distract them from the fact they were eating garbage, and Owen was even acting like it was popcorn. "And when the smoke cleared... there were bodies everywhere! Enemies, friends, even his general had died. He was the only one left alive." I finished off, and crossed my arms. 

"Woah. So, like, how did he get home?" "That's the very question I asked him. He ran all the way to a nearby beach, and stole a boat from the Rwandans! He sailed through harsh storms, whirlpools, and violent waves, and got back to America, safely." I nodded, and it was safe to say everybody was astounded. Even Gwen, who had previously claimed he did not take part in any wars. "Chef is actually... pretty solid."

"He's one of the coolest guys I know." I leant back in my seat, and nodded again.

"I was lying. Chef is not one of the coolest guys I know. He IS the coolest guy I know!"

A little while after dinner, everyone found themselves copying Chef's dancing. It went on for hours. Obviously, I distanced myself from them, out of sight, because I couldn't control my laughter. I did not want to fall victim to one of Duncan's pranks. I wasn't making fun of them, it was just because of how out of pocket this challenge was.

I snickered, and wiped a tear from my eye. "O-Oh, man... I can't breathe!" I laughed again, and after a few minutes, I eventually stopped uncontrollably laughing. Then, the music cut out. I walked up to where everyone was, since it probably meant it was the end of that challenge. "Duncan, what are you doing?" He smirked. "One of us drops out, we're done for the day." He crossed his arms, and looked up at Chef. Chef, in response, glared at him, and shouted. "We're done when I say we're done! Now drop, and give me twenty!"

Duncan rolled his eyes, and began doing push-ups. "Anyone else got anythin' they wanna say!?" Gwen raised her hand. "Uh, yeah. Can I go to the bathroom?" Chef threw her a mop and a bucket, and sent her on her way. "You maggots will return to the mess hall, where your next challenge will be! Am I clear?!" "Yes, Master Chief!" 

All the campers jogged away, apart from Duncan, who fell behind, because he was doing push-ups. Chef got down from his platform, and walked with me. "What's the next challenge?" "Why do you wanna know? You ain't doing them." "I know that. I'm just curious, is all." 

I walked into the cafeteria after Chef, and leant up against the doorway, watching everybody. "For your next challenge, you will complete a three-hundred word essay about how much you love... me." I raised an eyebrow. No way he was listening in on us. "Anyone who falls asleep or fails to complete the challenge will be eliminated!" 

[Time Skip - 4 Hours]

"I don't know. Probably a lion." I sat beside DJ, and we were talking about animals. "Really? A lion as your pet?" "Yup. They're pretty cool." A buzzer echoed throughout the room. Chef went around, collecting the papers, including the one in front of DJ's empty seat. He had joined me beside the door. "What about you?" "Bunny's the only one I need. But, going with the 'wild' theme, I'd probably pick a deer." 

I giggled, and looked up at him. "Quite a comparison, huh? Brawn picks brain, and brain picks brawn." He laughed with me, and blushed. "Yeah, I guess so." I watched as Chef read out Duncan's essay. "This is just one sentence with five pages of 'very' in between!" Duncan smirked, and rested his head in his hand. "It's three hundred words exactly! You can count them if you want."

Chef rolled his eyes, and walked away. Making his way over to Owen, he slipped over on his river of drool. He hurriedly stood up, and shouted at him. "Wipe up that drool, you little baby!" He walked over to Trent, and slammed his fist on the table to wake him up. "You two slackers are out." He pointed at Trent and Owen. "The rest of you, get to bed, and report to the playing field at 0500 hours!" Duncan walked over to Chef, and held up a tissue. "Uh, missed a spot there, General."

Chef yelled at Duncan, and got in his face. "Boy! Do you wanna run fifty laps around this camp right now?!" Courtney quickly dragged Duncan away. "No thanks! He's going straight to bed. Aren't you?" She began whispering to Duncan, and I turned away from them. "We better head out then, huh?" DJ pointed to the cabin. "Yeah. I'll only be a few minutes - I'm gonna use the confessional." He nodded, and I walked off.

"Okay. I might be going on a bit longer than needed. But Chef and Duncan? He's totally planning something, and I am not having it. Duncan needs to put a sock in it, or else Chef might totally freak! It's not good for Chef, and I don't want him to strain himself. He already works hard for Dad and me, so why should some delinquent make it worse?!"

I groaned, and slouched against the outer wood of the cabin. Duncan and Geoff soon entered, and climbed into their beds. I heard them talking from inside. "You know what would be funny?" "What?" "What if we made Chef super angry?" "Man, he'd be like if a dragon was a person. That'd be cool, but, like, super scary." Then, I realized something. Nobody knew Chef was basically my second dad. They only knew about Chris. 

"Hm... I wonder..." My eyes widened, and I laughed. "This is going to be good."

I told Chef so he didn't freak out. He was perfectly fine with it. In fact, he was glad to be in on this. I even got my own version of Chef's outfit, except it was my size. Following Chef's orders, I grabbed the megaphone, and walked into the boys' cabin. 

"Get up, soldiers!" My shouting startled them, and Duncan fell out of his bed. Harold banged his head, while Geoff groaned. "Aw, dude! What the...?" I looked down at Duncan, with crossed arms. He looked up, and instantly sprung back when he saw me. "L-Lewis?!" "Was I not clear?! I said get up, delinquent!" He quickly did, along with the other boys on the Killer Bass. "You better get your sorry butts down to the beach, where your challenge is just waiting to eat you alive!"

I had even woken up the other campers. Everybody rapidly made an attempt to get to the beach first, and they hadn't even noticed I was different. Once everybody was there, people started to take notice of me. "You will run this course until you can all complete it in under one minute. Am I making myself clear?" Duncan smirked. "Crystal." Courtney pointed at Duncan. "If you lose this for us, I'm gonna make you so miserable." "Go, maggots, go!"

The teenagers raced off, trying to do this obstacle course. Gwen, Heather, Leshawna, and Duncan made it perfectly fine over the first obstacle. It was all going well, until Owen had gotten stuck at the tyre jump. Geoff and Leshawna made it under the swinging axes, but Gwen hesitated. She was pulled under them by Leshawna, and they both raced for the rope swing. Courtney and her made it across first.

Harold, on the other hand, was still at the wooden wall. When he did manage to make it over the top, he collapsed face-first into the mud. I raised an eyebrow, but my eyes widened as he threw up a river of mud. Duncan was going again, but he stopped next to Harold. "Uh, General Crazy? We've got a situation here." He pointed at Harold, who was coughing. Gwen walked over, followed by me. Chef was making sure everybody else was doing the course. 

"Too... much... mud." I picked him up, and set him down on his feet. "Ring the bell, and report to the infirmary!" He questioned me. "Aren't... you going to take me?" He coughed again. "What do you think I am?! A suck-up!? Take yourself! Your tour of duty is finished." He walked away, anxiously. "Wow. Poor guy." Chef shouted from where he was. "Back on the course, soldiers, now! One false move, and I'll be on you like stink on a poop wagon!" He snapped at Duncan specifically, but I noticed Duncan's grin could not be brighter.

He saluted to us both. "I look forward to it, sir!" The longer it stretched on, the progressively worse it got for them. Owen made the wooden wall collapse, Geoff slipped through the tyres, Gwen toppled over, and Heather got tangled in the rope swing. While Duncan and Leshawna were crawling under the axes, Leshawna began sinking in the mud. "Fallen soldier, I salute you!" He was met with Chef's boots. Duncan looked up, and saw Chef angrily glaring at him.

"You just bought yourself twenty more push-ups!" Duncan lifted himself up, and grinned. "Thank you!" ...Duncan kissed Chef on the nose. My jaw dropped, as well as everybody else's. Did he just...? 

Chef growled, as Duncan stood up. Geoff approached him, and whispered. "I think you may have pushed him over the edge, bro." Duncan widened his eyes, and slowly nodded. "I... think you're right." "One-night solitary confinement. In. The. Boathouse." All the campers gasped. The boathouse was heavily avoided by the campers It was a dark, horrible place. "Big deal. How scary can it be?" Duncan shrugged. I raised an eyebrow at him, and he instantly knew something was up.

He sighed, and walked away. "Should've kept my big mouth shut..."

[Time Skip - 15 Hours]

I figured Duncan had learnt his lesson yesterday, so I dropped the act. I sat beside Courtney. She stood up, and picked up her bowl of food. "I'm going to go check on him." Geoff smirked. "You like him." "I do not like him." She rolled her eyes. Geoff nodded. "Yes, you do." She raised an eyebrow, as I stifled a giggle. "Not only do I not like him, I can't stand him. He's rude, he's rebellious, and he's totally annoying..." She began to walk away. "I'm gonna go check on him." She left the cafeteria with her bowl in hand. Geoff looked at me. "She likes him."

I nodded. "Totally. Do you think they would, like, adopt an animal, or something?" He laughed, and adjusted his hat. "And called it, like, Brittany, or something?" We both laughed, and Bridgette sat down next to us both. "That's not so bad. Animals are usually social and friendly!" She said with a grin. Me and Geoff stifled a laugh, before snickering. Bridgette rolled her eyes, and groaned. I wiped a tear from my eye. "S-Sorry, Bridgette... It's just that they would..." I giggled. "G-Go to court to fight for full custody!" Me and Geoff laughed again. 

"Whatever." She scoffed, and poked at her food. DJ walked over to us. "Hey, guys. Whatcha laughing about?" I turned to DJ, and Geoff turned to Bridgette. She glared at the both of us. "Don't you dare." "O-Oh, me and Geoff, right? We were talking about how Courtney and Duncan might adopt an animal. It's pretty cool." "Aw, that is, that is." He nodded, and Bridgette raised a brow. She was just waiting for the twist!

"There was no twist. DJ's a good kid. I don't want to plague him with the thoughts of Bunny's babysitters breaking up. Not in the relationship way."

I heard Chef shouting about how it was 'light's out', and we all got up. Gwen came up to me. "Hey, Lewis. Do you want to hang out with us tonight?" She pointed to the Gophers. "Uh... why?" I raised an eyebrow at Gwen. "Oh, don't worry. We're going to have an girl's night. I just thought, maybe you'd wanna come, considering, um... y'know. I didn't want to leave you out." I realized what she meant. "Oh, r-right! Haha, right... Sure, yeah. I'll hang out with you guys." She nodded, and I walked with her into the Gopher cabin, where the other girls were hanging out.

"Why's he here?" Heather glared at me, and crossed her arms. I sighed, and clicked my tongue. "I am transgender." I said, and rolled my eyes. "So, what, you used to be a girl?" "Depends." I could feel the icy glare from her, and I wasn't even looking at her. Lindsay was much happier. "Cool! You must have superpowers, or something!" I laughed under my breath. Sometimes, I forget she's 16. "Come take a seat with me, baby." I sat by Leshawna, and Gwen joined us.

All of a sudden, some of the boys rushed in. Owen, Duncan, Geoff, and Harold. Courtney was with Duncan, and she looked... excited. Heather scoffed, and stood up. "This is NOT happening! Boys ruin everything!" She stormed out, and nobody tried to stop her. "At least she thinks I'm a boy. That's one of the only good things." "I second that. What are you guys here for?" "Look what we found!"

They threw bags of stuff onto the ground. They opened, and all sorts of stuff fell out. It was food from craft services... "We just found it, don't worry." He beamed at me. Courtney blushed, and looked away, both flustered and embarrassed. "Right. Okay." I sighed, and sat back down, but on a spare, empty bunk.

"Mm, mm! I think I have jungle rot from that obstacle course." Owen said, as he stuffed his face full of peanut butter. He also held up his foot. It was directly next to Lindsay, who was eating a plate of cookies with Trent. "Ew, Owen! We're eating here!" She shuffled away from him. Gwen was busy telling Leshawna about Chef. They thought I wasn't listening to them. "And, what is with all those lame war stories? He is so demented!" I don't know if they were talking about me or Chef. It hurt me, hearing that. "Well, I thought they were cool." I mumbled, turning my head away.

"She KNEW how passionate I was about Chef's war stories! Why would she say that? Did we not tell them good enough?"

"Girl, these nails were not made for combat training, know what I'm saying? Mm." Bridgette nodded. "Mm. Seriously, if I wanted to join the army, I would've." "Right. I don't care that he stole a boat!" My eyes widened, and I clenched my fists. That was the one I told them. Did they not like it? "Hey, Lewis! Are you not hungry?" "No. I don't want to eat." I shook my head. "Actually, I... I think I should go. Thanks for inviting me." I stood up, and walked to the door. I paused for a second, before leaving. 

After a few minutes of walking, I found myself talking to Bunny. DJ gave him to me temporarily. He said if I wanted to get something off my chest, I should talk to him. I know it sounded dumb, but I was not going to share it with someone that could gossip to other people. "It's just... I don't get it. Why would they say that, basically right in front of me?!" I was interrupted by Courtney's vomiting.  I covered Bunny's mouth.

"So! The Princess has a dark side." "Okay, that was so gross. But it was like, once I did something bad..." I widened my eyes. They stole it? "It was so much fun, I just wanted more!" Duncan grinned at her the entire time. "Well, you could always gimme that kiss. That would be pretty bad." Courtney scoffed, and ruffled Duncan's mohawk. "You're still not my type." Duncan smiled, and crossed his arms, turning away from Courtney. "Fine. Enjoy a peanut butter-less life." Courtney grinned, and did the same, so they were back-to-back. "Thanks. Enjoy prison." "I will." Courtney turned around, cupped Duncan's face in her hands, and kissed him. 

After a few seconds, she walked away. I thought it was safe to resume talking to Bunny. "Gwen doesn't have any respect. Chef risked his life in wars, so we could have freedom, and... she's not even treating him like a person. She said he was demented, and called his stories lame." I stroked Bunny's back, and sighed. "I was right there." My voice trembled. I sighed once more, and stood up. "Guess DJ should get you back, huh?" Bunny looked up at me with those adorable baby eyes. I sniffled, and headed towards the Gopher cabin, where everybody else was.

"DJ? Here's Bunny back." I passed him Bunny, and he smiled nervously at me. "O-Oh, thanks." "No problem. I'm gonna head back to the Bass cabin." I walked out the door again, and walked toward the cabin I now slept in. 

[DJ's P.O.V]

(dun dun dun!! yes i'm doing a diff pov.)

I sat on a free bunk. I was beside Geoff and Duncan. Nobody was speaking, and I felt super tense with every passing second. I whined, as a drop of sweat rolled down my forehead. I was petting Bunny, and I wished that he could soothe my nerves. He normally could, I don't know what was different. "I can't sit in silence anymore, man!" I threw my hands in the air, and squeaked as I finished my sentence. 

Geoff nodded slowly. "Yeah, dude. We've gotta tell her." "No way." Duncan shook his head, and I tilted mine. "Huh?" "Lewis is our pal. Nobody can know, 'cept us. Got it?!" He held up a fist to both me and Geoff. I anxiously nodded, and Geoff nodded in agreement. "Sure. Man's code is somethin' I stick by." Chef came over the loudspeakers. "Attention, all remaining boot camp recruits, the next evolution of your training begins tomorrow morning at 0700 hours! And if I catch the sucker that took my desserts, your butt is mine!"

I looked at Duncan. "You did?" "That's right." He nodded with a smirk.

[Lewis' P.O.V]

I did not sleep all night.

"I'm beginning to doubt this whole idea. Maybe it would've been better if I just didn't get on the boat." I looked down, upset.

The challenge was supposed to be a punishment for whoever stole the food from craft services. I really wanted to say it was them. I had a personal grudge against Gwen, but I couldn't get too angry. She was still nice to me, and I couldn't bring myself to tell her I overheard her and Leshawna.

They were all hanging upside down from a tree. I was sitting in the tree, though. Chef walked back and forth, and explained what was going on. "What you are experiencing is an ancient form of torture. By now, the blood has begun rushing to your head. The next stage is nausea, followed by dizziness and a flushed appearance as the blood begins to pool your eyes. You may experience fainting spells." Duncan finally gave up, and fell from the tree. "Duncan!" He hit the ground with a thud, and looked extremely dizzy. Bridgette ran over to him, and held up his head. "It's okay! He's alright!"

Owen was straining incredibly hard to put his hands on the tree, like the rest of them were doing. "Come on... I... can't... reach!" He couldn't do it, and eventually ended up farting. He laughed in response to this, while  just rolled my eyes, and groaned. Heather scoffed. "Okay. That's it! I'm done." She grunted as she let herself fall from the tree, making a perfect landing on her feet.

Owen, once again, wanted to do this. He fell from the tree, but instead landed directly on top of Heather. Even though it was muffled, I could hear her screaming from beneath Owen. He got up, and Heather crawled out from underneath him. "Off of me, you big ox!" She stood up, and stormed off. "Sorry."

Courtney was beginning to give me a headache. She wouldn't stop giggling loudly, for absolutely no reason. I turned my head towards her. "Courtney, seriously?" Chef called up from the ground. "Stop laughing this instant!" "I'm sorry." Her apology was interrupted by more fits of laughter, and giggles. "I can't help it." She laughed so much, that she fell from the tree. Even then, she laughed. "I expected more out of you, soldier." She stood up, and cleared her throat. "Master Chief? Heh, I just have one thing to say to you." He raised an eyebrow. "And what might that be?" "You really need to take a chill pill." She laughed out loud, and walked away. 

Chef was clearly furious. There were jaws agape all around, while Duncan smirked, and crossed his arms at her. "Yeah. Now that's what I'm talking about!" She and him shared a high-five, while I groaned. "What?" She looked up. "Nothing. I just know what you two did." This caught Chef's attention, as both their eyes widened. "What did they do?" 

"Hm. You know, I've never seen Courtney this happy..." I whined, and covered my face. "I can't do it. She doesn't deserve this, man."

"Nothing much. Just had a whole make-out session. But, that's probably not what you wanted to hear." I put a hand to my chin, and shrugged. Duncan and Courtney looked at me in surprise, before rapidly nodding nervously in agreement. "I see."  He continued walking back and forth, while the teams encouraged each other. "Okay, Geoffy! It's all up to you!" "You got this, Gwen!" "Oh, yeah. I can hang here ALL day." "Rock on, sister! I live for the head rush!" Geoff began to slur his words. "It feels... so... good." He slipped and fell from the tree, hitting the ground with a thump.  Courtney cringed away. "Ooh! That's going to leave a mark."

I got down from the tree, but Courtney and Duncan walked up to me. "Okay. Why didn't you snitch?" I raised an eyebrow at both of them. "I'm gonna be frank with you. I've never seen Courtney that happy. I'm not gonna ruin that." I shrugged. "R-Really? You did it just... to be nice?" I began to walk away. "Correct. Now, let's catch up with those guys." I pointed to Gwen and her team.

I walked beside them, and folded my arms. I just wanted to watch. Chef saluted to Gwen. "Gwen! Congratulations, soldier. I'd go to war with you anytime." Huh? Wait, hold on- "I'll keep that in mind when choosing my career." No, no, that's not- "You do that, soldier!" "I will, sir!" She said it so happily. The Screaming Gophers cheered, and carried Gwen away with everybody else, including the Killer Bass. "You do that." I furrowed my brows, and looked down. What is going on? What happened to...?

[Time Skip - 2 Hours]

The dreaded elimination ceremony had come around again. I did not attend it. Instead, I spent my five minutes pacing back and forth. I was trying to figure out what the hell Gwen meant. Why was she so happy? "I don't get it. I just don't get it." "Well, it was probably sarcasm." Bridgette shrugged at me. "No, no, I don't mean- Wait, what?" "When she was happy about it? It was probably sarcasm. She wanted to be nice." I sighed. "Bridgette, being nice to someone doesn't make them eligible to switch up, call someone demented, and say their war stories are lame." I shook my head.

I heard a gasp, and turned my head. "You heard that?" It was Gwen. I didn't answer her, and looked away, hurt. "Lewis, I- I never meant..." She fumbled with her words, before stopping. "I'm sorry." "It's fine. You only called Chef demented, insulted both of us, and had little to no respect for the dead war veterans he fought beside." "I'll let you guys talk this out." Bridgette got up, and walked away. "Now that you say it out loud, I guess it sounds pretty bad..." She rubbed the back of her neck. I stared at her, before rolling my eyes. "Yeah." 

"What!? You guys voted for Harold over me?!" I looked over to the dock, and saw Courtney yelling. "What...?" I spoke under my breath, squinting. I stopped talking to Gwen, and walked away. I needed to know why Courtney was making such a racket. Gwen hurriedly followed me, much to my annoyance.

"You know, when I explained to Gwen how messed up her actions were, I thought that was a clear hint that I did not want to be around her. But, I digress." I rolled my eyes, and crossed my arms.

"Dad, what's going on?" He rolled his eyes. "Courtney wants a recount of the votes!" "I know for a fact there were three of us that didn't vote her off!" I furrowed my brows, and looked over to Harold, who was tapping his thumbs together innocently. "I'll... keep that in mind when I count them." Harold's innocent demeanour instantly switched up. "Lewis, c'mon-" "No, no. I want it to be a fair vote. I'm counting them." I took the papers off Dad, and walked to the side.

[Duncan - Courtney]
[DJ - Courtney]
[Geoff - Courtney]
[Harold - Courtney]
[Bridgette - Harold]
[Courtney  Harold]

"What? That doesn't... hold on." I shuffled through the papers again, yet I was met with the same result. Courtney approached me. "Well? I bet it was wrong!" I kept my focus on the paper. "No... and... yes? Uh... I mean, it seems like Courtney got the most votes, but-" Dad clasped his hands together. "Great! Let's make this quick." Chef and Chris forcefully dragged Courtney to the boat. 

"What do you mean? We didn't vote her, bro!" I looked up to Geoff. "Yeah, I know, it's... This is really confusing me." Duncan snatched the papers. "Let me see that!" He shuffled through them, a few times. "I did not vote for Courtney!" He scoffed. DJ and Geoff agreed. I took them back, and raised an eyebrow. Duncan ran to the Boat of Losers, and threw Courtney something. 

I lifted my head, and pointed my sight to Harold. "Harold." "Yeah?" "Tell me you did not." The silence of the night was interrupted by Dad. "That concludes the elimination ceremony! Head back to your cabins, and have a good night's rest, 'cause tomorrow's challenge is going to be a good one!" He laughed, and everybody walked away.

"He did. He switched the votes!"

"You guys think you're so funny. Let's see how you like it when someone messes with your love life!"  Harold switched the papers in the box to the ones in his hand, and smirked.

Chapter Text

"Just make sure nobody catches you." I lifted the trunk open for her. She tilted her head at the bags, and began to pick them up. She only took two bags, before she looked at me confused. "Trust me, Koda. I don't want you going hungry." She took another two bags, and left. I shut the trunk, and walked back to the cabin. 

I gently opened the door.

Harold was sucking his thumb like a baby, Duncan was jamming out to some music, and the others were asleep. I turned towards the door. I'm so glad they haven't- "Where've you been, pipsqueak?" Damn it. I turned back around, and saw Duncan sitting up, with his headphones around his neck. "What's it to you, delinquent?" I folded my arms, and smirked. He returned the grin, and stood up. 

"I saw you with that bear, dude." He raised his brow. "Bear-? Oh. You mean Koda." He laughed. "You named it? Is it, like, your boyfriend, or something?" I rolled my eyes. "Koda's a girl. And, no. She isn't. I snuck her on the boat from Toronto." "Whatever. Anyway, I-" Our chatter was interrupted by an extremely loud motor above us. My eyes widened, as I rushed outside.

He's got that plane out again!

"I've told him, and I've told him - 'Do not drive that death machine you call a plane', and he doesn't listen! One of these days, he's going to be the death of himself before he is the death of me."

All the campers walked outside, bags under their eyes. Koda was out in the open, and she ran away, dropping some bags of marshmallows as she sped off. Dad yelled from his plane. "INCOMING!" In an instant, everybody made a run for it, except me. "Hit the deck!" They all screamed, but I tapped my foot impatiently. He landed it somewhat safely, but crashed it into the outhouse, where Koda was hiding. The plane screeched to a halt, and Dad got out.

I walked up to him. "Yes! I can't wait to get my pilot's licence!" "You nearly killed a bear." I raised an eyebrow. "I know!" He chuckled, and ruffled my hair. He pulled out a megaphone from the passenger seat, and spoke into it. "Just flexing your muscles for today's extreme sports challenge!" Some people covered their ears, while others cringed. "Ugh... it's too early for this." Oh, right. Gwen. She probably didn't get much sleep last night, since... yesterday. 

"Today, you'll be participating in three challenges. First up! Extreme sofa bed skydiving! Contestants will plummet, uh- skydive! Skydive... to a waiting sofa bed target below." Chef demonstrated, but instead, got crushed in between the sofa and the mattress. Over the top of his muffled screaming, you'll be skydiving from five thousand feet. And... using these." He threw down some tattered parachute bags. "I thought we agreed they would be-" He quickly shushed me, while the campers gasped in unison.

"Our lucky contestants are Trent and DJ!" Trent smiled, and shrugged. "Sure. Why not? You know what they say on Blackcomb Mountain, bro." I held my hand up to my chin, and spoke. "The... best glimpse of heaven's on the way into hell?" "That's right, man! Let's do this." He put a hand on DJ's shoulder to hype him up, but he wasn't too excited. "Yeah. Uh... sure. Bring it on!" He said the last three words in a very unconvincing confidence. 

"Not so fast. Because the second challenge of the day is... extreme rodeo moose riding! Contestants will rodeo ride the great Canadian bucking moose for eight seconds, or get hooved into a giant pile of socks from the lost-and-found." I mentally gagged. Leshawna wasn't all too bothered about it, and put a hand on my arm. "That stink pile ain't nothing but laundry day back home!" "It's your lucky day, Leshawna. You're riding for the Gophers. And Geoff, you'll ride for the Bass." That was my cue to head on over.

Owen did too, and knelt down beside him. "Uh, Owen, he's not really-" "He doesn't look too bucky to me." "Yeah, but-" "Hi, beautiful." His theory was proven wrong, when Rocky did a number on him, and sent him flying back into a tree. "It could've been softer, dude." I scratched his ear.

"And the final challenge... extreme sea doo water-skiing!" He lead us all over to a large pond full of mud. "Hm... something's not right." I tilted my head as I observed. "What's that?" "I thought you said... no big rocks?" Dad grinned at me, and we both snickered. He sighed to calm himself down, and explained. "Contestants will water-ski a race course grabbing as many flags as they can before crossing the finish line, while a member from the opposing team tries to deceive you."

Heather walked up to us both, with her hands on her hips. "How can we water-ski without water." "It's really hard. Check it out." Chef was the testing dummy for most of these challenges, but he seemingly always came out fine. He tried this one, but crashed into a tree. Dad laughed, and turned back to the campers. "Awesome! Harold, you'll ski for the Killer Bass." "Sweet!" He grinned. "And Lindsay for the Screaming Gophers." "Cool! I can model in my new bikini!" She posed a few times. "Now for the cool swag! Whoever scores the most challenges gets bragging rights for the night, saves their butts from elimination and wins a tricked out Multi Massage Mobile Shower." 

Chef played the harp, while everybody gasped in amazement. "Can it be...?" I grinned. "Oh, it be." Owen was busy chewing on a bag of marshmallows. "Ah, a shower? How 'bout something good?" He smacked his lips as he ate. Heather pointed at him. "Listen to me, you marshmallow eating goof! We are going to win that shower if it's the last thing we do, got it?" She scared him so much, that he began to choke on a marshmallow he was eating. Heather, disgusted, backed up into me, causing both of us to fall over.

She landed on my chest, and it took her a few moments to register it was me. I raised an eyebrow, and smirked at her, much to her annoyance. "Comfortable?" "Ugh!" She got off me, and stood up. I did the same, and dusted myself off.

"Just for the record! I do not want to get with Heather. I was teasing her. Plus, my heart goes out to Cody."

Dad got into his plane, although I recommended he did not. "Okay, gang. Chow for breaky, then report back in twenty minutes for... the extreme sports challenge!" He flew off, leaving nothing but a swarm of dust clouds in our faces. Gwen and Harold coughed, thumping their chests. I groaned, and walked off when the smoke cleared.

- - - -

I was watching Owen pour the full plates onto his. I had the exact same expression as Chef. A mixture of disgust, and surprise. He scarfed down his food, and put the empty plate on top of the plates Chef was holding. He burped up a card, and grinned. "Sweet grub, bro!" Owen pointed at both me and Chef, then walked away. I looked at it, before Chef picked it up, and read it out. "'For the girl with smouldering eyes'?" He rolled his eyes, and threw it away. I shrugged, and walked into the kitchen to help him with the dishes.

- - - -

I stood on the outside of Dad's plane, while he sat inside of it. "Now, remember! Ground teams can wheelie the sofa beds wherever they want in order to help their comrade with the landing." Duncan sat comfortably on the Bass sofa, while Owen sat nervously on his. Heather was busy drawing a chalk outline of his body, for some very, very strange reason. She smirked up at him. "Sayonara, Trent. I hope your attempts to impress weird goth girl are worth the chalk outline." Both Trent and Gwen stepped back. "Uh, did you ever think that maybe Trent's doing this as a form of self-expression? Like haiku?" Trent raised an eyebrow, and I looked at Gwen, confused. "Or... not." Bridgette smirked at Gwen.

"Okay, so it wasn't my most subtle sleuthing moment." Gwen sighed.

"They're obviously up to something. Haiku, specifically? Huh."

Dad took Trent and DJ up in the air, so they could skydive. I guess since I have nothing better to do... "Wait a sec. Where's Bunny?" I looked at Geoff. He returned the look. "He didn't..."

[DJ's P.OV]

I don't wanna do this. I really don't wanna do this! Trent put a hand on my shoulder to calm my nerves, but it wasn't working. "Hey, it's alright, bro. Bunny's waiting for you with Lewis and Geoff." I was convinced. ...Until I wasn't. Bunny was sitting on my lap. Staring up at me. 

I screamed. "BUNNY!" Why was he in the air with me? I swear I gave him to Geoff! Or... Oh no. I didn't. I didn't! "Bunny's gonna die, Trent!" I grabbed Trent by the shoulders, and shook him. "Calm down, DJ! He isn't gonna die! It'll be a fun thing for him, bro!" He tried very hard to calm me down. Bunny looked so happy. 

With those innocent... adorable... eyes... 

[Lewis' P.O.V]

I paced back and forth with Geoff. "Last time this happened, I had to fight a shark!" Everybody looked at us. Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what?" Bridgette turned her head. "You don't wanna know." I thought back to where the original Bunny was taken by a large eagle. "DJ's probably realized by now..." I put a hand to my chin, worriedly. Heather scoffed. "Why do you care so much about a dumb rabbit? Leshawna, get to pushing with me!" 

They were unaware Owen was sleeping on the sofa. Leshawna, Lindsay, Gwen and Heather tried pushing, but they could barely move it an inch. "Why is this thing so heavy?!" Gwen peeked over the top, to see Owen sleeping, and sucking his thumb. I walked over, clicked my tongue, and titled my head. "Aww. How cute." An intern handed me a megaphone. I yelled into it. "GET UP, YOU SACK OF POTATOES!" He didn't even flinch. I raised an eyebrow, and put a hand to my chin. Hm... Gwen sighed, and shrugged. "Any other bright ideas?" 

I tried several things. An airhorn was included in most of them. The four girls tried pushing him off the sofa, and that didn't work. I made sure to put Dad on hold before pushing the boys out. I didn't want to increase the risk of any deaths. Heather scoffed, and looked at me. "Get your interns to do something!" I raised my hands up, as I defended the interns. "Hey, hey! These guys can do a lot, but lifting up Owen is not one of them. We need to get creative." I thought for a second.

Then, I had an idea. "José!" He ran up to me. "Yeah?" "Get me some red paint, a strip of wax, and a paintbrush, please. Make it quick. I fear Dad is getting impatient." "You got it." Heather approached me. "Why don't you just order them around? That's what they're there for." She crossed her arms, and looked at the collection of young adults we had hired. I looked at them, for a split-second. "I see you've failed to notice. These interns are people. Yes, it comes as a shock, but they're the exact same species as you." "A shock to me?" "No, a shock to the interns." I earned some collective laughter from the interns, and even some from the contestants!

"I'm on a roll here."

José returned with the things I asked for. "Thanks, dude." I passed the paintbrush and paint to Heather. "Paint a red X on his back, butt, wherever. Just make sure it's not covered." "Okay." She gladly did so. "Uh... what's the wax strip for?" "When this challenge is over." I smirked. Gwen laughed, and I put the strip in my pocket. "At least it'll be a soft landing." I took a deep breath. "That's gonna have to do- LET THEM FLY, DAD!"

Trent was immediately pushed off the plane. I could hear him screaming from hundreds of feet in the air as if he was right next to me. "Man, I thought he said this was a piece of cake." I raised my eyebrows, as he made a Trent-shaped hole in the sand. It was a pretty deep one, too. We all surrounded it, and looked into it. Gwen seemed far more concerned than the rest of us. "Trent?" "If he makes it to hell, I'm getting the guitar." I crossed my arms. I got some pretty confused looks. "What? I like guitars." Trent, unfortunately, was alive, and groaned. I sighed, and walked off.

- - -

I sat on the arm of the sofa, beside Geoff and Bridgette. Thanks to Harold and Duncan, they'd already moved the chair to where it needed to be. They were just waiting for DJ to jump. "You know what's really romantic?" "Uh... writing someone's name in the snow with your pee?" Oh my god, Geoff... I face-palmed. Bridgette brushed it off. "Actually, I was thinking more of the written word." "Oh! You mean like a tattoo? Haha, yeah. I've got one on my butt, wanna see?" Bridgette quickly covered her eyes, while Duncan smirked at the absolute train-wreck.

"Give him a break, Bridgette. He's... He's really trying, man." I stifled a laugh.

I heard DJ screaming from above. Everybody cleared the sofa, and I got ready, just in case. Luckily, DJ had figured out how to open his parachute, unlike Trent. He was swinging back and forth, for several seconds, until he curled up into a ball, and stopped moving around. He was just going down at this point. Thank the stars. He landed gently on the sofa, without any sort of minor injury.

"DJ!" I said, however my call was overlapped by the cheering of the Killer Bass. He seemed to recognize I was there, and looked around. "Everything's still here. Nothing's... broken?" He felt his upper body, to make sure he wasn't a ghost. He sighed in relief, as I hugged him. "Is- Is Bunny okay?!" That seemed to be his biggest concern. Bunny was, in fact, okay, and had climbed into DJ's pocket. DJ happily returned the hug to me, but I didn't even notice the other Bass had walked off.

I pulled away, and laughed nervously. "Um... we... we should go to the next challenge, huh?" "Yeah. Probably." Dad flew his plane over the top of us, yelling through his megaphone. "Gophers lose, Bass win! One-zero!"

"Huh. Now... platonic...? Or..." I held up my hands to symbolize a choice. I dropped them after hearing myself. "Nope! Completely platonic."

We all stood in front of Rocky. "Okay, cowpokes! Let's start... the rodeo moose challenge!" Geoff leaned against the fence, trying to be cool with Bridgette. "Rodeo ridin's kinda life surfin'. Once you catch the lip, you just flow with the mojo." He chuckled. I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah! 'Flow'. Kinda like the ancient art of Japanese haiku?" He looked at her, confused, and I began paying attention. What is it with haikus today? "What's a haiku?" She sighed dejectedly, as Geoff got onto Rocky.

"Hey, Bridge! Wanna see that tat?" He pulled his shorts down. My eyes widened, as DJ covered Bunny's eyes. Like, it was all there. Bridgette smirked. "Definitely not haiku-y." Rocky was not having it. I noticed Chef was practically terrified of opening the gate, however, when he did it, he was instantly pummelled by the moose. Geoff didn't even last until the start of the timer. He was out, given he did have his pants down, and was too focused on that. "And Geoff's... out?" Dad watched confused as he flew over our heads, into the giant pile of socks.

"Ooh! That stinks big time for Bass! No, seriously? That is some rank stuff. Leshawna, let's get!" She confidently cracked her fingers, and I looked on, nervous. Leshawna got onto Rocky, and held him by the antlers. "I hope you got a moose burger recipe handy!" This made me even more concerned. "Easy, boy. You don't wanna make me mad, now." Rocky got mad. He growled, and I backed up. Chef noticed me doing this, and when he turned back to the moose, it ran over him again.

I quickly helped him onto his knees, and watched as Leshawna did incredibly well staying on. I'm not sure who's going to win this. For the first time, I don't want it to be Leshawna. "Ooh! Ooh! That the best you got? Ooh! You got nothin'! Woo!" "Aw, man..." I was worried for both the moose and the person riding it. "Get me off of this thing!" She was still hanging on very well. But, Rocky was getting agitated. He ran off, Leshawna included, into the forest.

Chef stood up with a grunt, and we both returned to Dad. 

- - -

Since the second challenge was over, we moved onto the third. "So, we have a tie! Whoever wins the extreme sea doo water-ski challenge... wins invincibility!" Dad sat on his dirt bike, grinning to himself. "I'm ready~!" Lindsay called out, and I gasped when I turned her way. She was wearing a green bikini, and pink shades. I walked up to Lindsay. "I think green really suits you." "Aw, thanks, Liam!" She walked past me. "Lewis..." Heather narrowed her eyes, and scowled at both me and Lindsay. "We are so dead. Unless..." She smirked, and held up the keys to the wave jumper. "I get to drive the wave jumper!" Duncan looked up at her in shock. 

Leshawna turned her head to Heather, while also checking her foot. "Just win the dang shower so I can get my hair did."

Harold spoke like a narrator. "This is it. We're tied for the win. Bad-to-the-bone Duncan is driving Lindsay. I'M skiing for the Bass. Winning is inevitable! Goodbye wedgies, wet willies, and toilet face plunge. Hello..." He put on sunglasses, and spoke in a smooth voice. "Dirty Harold."

- - -

"Okay, so... 'haikuist' candidates are Duncan, Harold, DJ, Lewis, or Owen." Bridgette put a hand to her chin. "Well, we know Duncan was crushing on Courtney, so he's out. And, Harold is..." They turned to the outhouse, where Harold opened the door with his pants down. "Ladies." He fell over as soon as he took a step. "Wasn't Lewis crushing on Cody?" "Yeah, but have you seen him and DJ?" "I guess." Bridgette nodded in acknowledgement. Gwen pointed at herself and Bridgette. "Yeah. I'll take Owen and Lewis, you take DJ."

- - -

I was scribbling in my journal, half-watching the challenge go down, when Gwen approached me. "Lewis!" "Oh, uh... hey, Gwen. What's up?" I raised an eyebrow. "Nothing much. Hey, is that a journal?" She pointed at it. I closed it, and darted my eyes away for a second. "Yes...?" "Cool. What's your favourite type of literature? Mine would probably be haikus, or poems." This was very strange. It looked fine when they were chatting to everybody else. "Um... third-person informative records?" "Cool... I'm gonna... go talk to Owen." She glanced at me, then got up and walked away.

"Okay. I probably didn't understand the question, but, still. I stand by my word." I folded my arms.

I re-opened my book, and began to scribble again. I was currently making an entry on the campers here. In fact, I was drawing Gwen that particular moment. Just describing her looks. I didn't want her seeing how I drew her. Not that it was rude, or anything. She just might take 'goth' the wrong way.

"Five flags and headed home!" I raised my head, and saw Harold face-first in the mud, holding up five flags. "That's impossible!" She yelled. "Heather has to cross the finish line or be disqualified! But when she does, Harold will take five flags to victory for the Killer Bass!" She gasped.

"I couldn't let that little dorkwad win. So, I decided to cut him loose."  She smirked, with folded arms.

Heather span around on her seat, and pulled out a blade from her pocket. "Game over, guppy!" "Victory is... Huh?" Harold looked up, confused at what she meant. She leant down to cut the rope, but just as she was about to... 

RIP!

Her shirt came clean off.

A tree branch ripped it off. She realised what had just happened, and quickly covered her... uh... 'chest'. She screamed, and Harold yelled. "AH!" I gasped. "No freakin' way!" I quickly turned to Heather's page in my journal, and scribbled something down.

'If wanting revenge, public embarrassment is the way to go.'

I'd never do it unless I snapped, obviously. Nudity is no joke. 

Harold was so busy paying attention to Heather, that he crashed into a rock, and let go of the rope. Heather was still so shaken up from the entire fiasco, that she had completely forgotten she was supposed to drive the wave rider. The boat then crashed into a rock, too, and Heather went flying, half-naked, into Koda.

I stood up, and rushed over. "Are you alright?!" Heather sat up, still covering her chest. "I- I'm fine..." "Not you!" I pushed Heather out the way. "Wah!" She yelled as she ran away, covering her chest.

I looked towards Koda, who was in front of her, once AGAIN, ruined snack. I overheard Dad. "I don't know what Heather did to make Harold lose his concentration, but it's a total wipe-out for the Bass team!" I groaned, and pet the bear sitting in front of me. "I promise, one way or another, I'm getting you some marshmallows." I shook my head, and stood up. I spotted Owen chowing down on some, and smirked to myself.

I walked over, whistling innocently. "Hey, Owen! Mind if I grab a few?" He looked down, and realised what I meant. "Oh, sure! Here ya go." He passed me four, and I grinned. "Thanks!" I turned around, and left. 

*insert evil laughing from Lewis here* 

"Oh, Koda~! Look what I got for youuu~!" Straying away from the group wasn't something I normally did especially during a challenge. But, my friend was upset, and there was no way she was going to live today without having some marshmallows. I saw her moping about in her cave, and I slowed down. I sat beside her. "Whoa. Are you okay?" 

"Koda might've been a bear, but she had emotions, nearly as fluent as a human's. I've known her since she was a cub. Found her while I was on a walk in Newfoundland. You wouldn't believe how long she tried to follow me home for. We've basically grown up together."

She whined at me, and I looked up at her, with a small smile on my face. "Well, I think this would make you feel better." I showed her the four marshmallows I had in my hand. 

[Gwen's P.O.V]

"So, we ruled out Owen, DJ... and... Lewis is still a potential writer." Bridgette sat up. "I know! So who could it be?" Leshawna walked over. "Who could what be?" I passed Leshawna the note. She smiled as she looked at it. Chris stuck his head in where it didn't belong, too. "Another note from your secret admirer, Leshawna?" My eyes widened in surprise, as Bridgette had a jaw drop moment. We both unanimously said, "Leshawna's the crush girl?!" 

She put the note down, and looked at us. "You two know someone else here with a booty as luscious as an apple?" She emphasized her butt, and walked away... "But then, who wrote it?"

[Lewis' P.O.V]

Good news, Koda's happy. Bad news, she now won't stop following me. She doesn't want more, she's just thankful I gave them to her. "C'mon. You know they'll shoo you away." Was not fazed at all by my warning. "I wonder if they'll be fine with a grizzly bear showing up at camp? You're not exactly the most favoured species to these people." I shrugged. Once again, no hesitation to continue beside me. "Fine. Suit yourself. But!" I stopped in my tracks, making Koda stop, too. "You can't eat the marshmallows at the ceremony. Got it?" We came to an agreement on that.

I sat down at the ceremony, keeping a watchful eye on the bear beside me. Duncan raised an eyebrow. "What's with the bear?" "We're hanging out." Dad began the ceremony. "As you know, if you do not receive a marshmallow, you will be forced to walk the Dock of Shame, and you will never ever return to camp. Bridgette and DJ. You are safe." "Yes!" Bridgette and DJ got up, and collected their respective marshmallows. "GEOFF! YOU'RE SAFE, TOO!" He called up to Geoff, who was sitting in a tree for his stench. He was thrown a marshmallow, and grinned. "Muchos luchos, compadre!" "Okay. That leaves Harold, who bailed big for reasons unknown..."

"Boobies."

"...And Duncan, who bailed even bigger because Lindsay left him circling the drain in a shameless-" Duncan grew angrier with each word. He spoke through gritted teeth. "The chick was determined." He went up to Dad, and held him close to his face by his collar. It was somewhat intimidating, but apparently, not to Dad. "Which is why you're safe." He passed Duncan a marshmallow. "Harold, sorry dude. You're done like dinner." 

He didn't seem phased. In fact, he already had all of his luggage with him. Talk about being prepared, huh? "Well, it's been fun, guys." He walked to the Dock of Shame, and stood in front of the Boat of Losers. "Farewell Total Drama Island! I loved, I lost, and I saw boobies! What more could a man ask for?" Everyone looked at him confused. Heck, even Koda was stunned. "You loved?" "You're a man?" "You saw boobies?" Harold threw his luggage into the boat.

"Leshawna, I meant every word of that poem!" My eyebrows raised, but Leshawna gasped. "Poem? That was you?" Her voice softened, as she began running to Harold. "No. Way." Him and her embraced, and Leshawna got all flirty. "Baby, you some kind of freaky!" "Give daddy some sugar." My eyes widened, and I let out a small laugh. I put a hand on Koda's head. "No... freakin' way." Lindsay, Gwen, and Bridgette were just 'awwing' at this relationship, as Leshawna and Harold really got into the kiss. Chef dragged Harold away, and threw him into the boat, with his luggage.

"Leshawna and Harold!? I was as shocked as you. But... you didn't read the letters." He chuckled, and rubbed his palms together. "Ooh, spicy..."

Everyone dispersed, and I figured the boys wouldn't appreciate a bear in the cabin. "Seriously. You've gotta go home now." I folded my arms at Koda. She didn't seem willing. "Really? We're doing this now? Fine. You can sleep out here. Just don't go into the cabins while I'm asleep."

I walked into ours, and got into bed. Heather's screams filled the air. I groaned, and covered my face with my pillow.

Chapter Text

"There's a bear in here!" I sat up with a jolt, when I heard Geoff yelling. I groaned, and stood up. See, right now, I was only wearing a white tank top, and some black leggings. I was going to freeze to death. But, this was becoming a problem. I grabbed the bear by the scruff of the neck, and lead it outside, with an annoyed expression on my face. I let go once we were off cabin grounds, and walked back inside. 

I sat down on my bed, and rubbed my face. "I'm tired of bears. Why couldn't it be, like, rabbits?" "I second that." DJ sat beside me on my bunk. "If Harold were here, he'd either wet himself, or try use karate on it, and whack himself in the face." Duncan laughed, and jumped down. I stood up, and stretched. "Mm... yeah. I'm gonna go... like... fight that bear, or somethin'." "What? Really?" I answered back, putting my hand on the doorknob. "I dunno. I'm bored. Without Harold here, I've got nobody to watch you guys pull pranks on." 

My radio went off on the drawers. I sighed, and walked over to it. "Hey, what's up?" Dad could not stop snickering and giggling on the other end. "We- haha! We have got something that'll crack you up, Lewis! You gotta come to the hall, now- hahaha!" He burst out in laughter on the other end. He cut the feed, and I was left, fairly unamused.

"What's that about?" Duncan pointed it out. "Dad says I've gotta have it all the time. I don't really take it unless I'm hosting by myself, or am just alone in general." I shrugged, and put the radio in my pocket. I stretched again, and opened the door to the cabin. "At least I got something somewhat 'funny' to do now." I left, and made my way over to the cafeteria. Hall, cafeteria, same thing, you know.

"Alright, what's making the kids laugh this time?" I yawned as I walked in. I noticed everyone walked in after me. Dad winked at me, and stifled a laugh. I rolled my eyes. Trent looked around, and questioned the lack of food on the table. "What? No breakfast?" "Oh, don't worry, bro. There will be plenty of food later on." He looked at Chef, and they both snickered like children. Trent continued on, and they snickered for a while longer, until Leshawna came in.

"What are you two bozos so giggly about?" They looked at her in silence for a moment, then resumed their fits of laughter. As soon as the last person entered and took a seat, they talked. "Congratulations to the remaining ten campers for reaching the halfway mark in the competition! You'll all be on the jury for the final episode." Geoff raised a fist, and cheered. "We got the power! Yeah!" "The two teams will become one next week. But first, all the girls will be moved to the Gopher cabin and all the guys will stay in the Bass cabin." All the girls looked at each other, and all the boys looked at each other. Wait. I have to share a room with the fart machine? This is so, so dumb... 

"This week's challenge is as old as history itself. A battle of the sexes." Duncan winked at Lindsay, I elbowed him, and Lindsay blew a raspberry in our direction. I rolled my eyes, and rested my head on my palm. "After everyone is settled in, I'll announce the challenge. And then, you'll have an, uh... bite to eat." Chef and Dad snickered again. Okay, there's clearly something going on. "Ready for a little good news? This week, no one will be kicked off." Both tables cheered happily. "It's all for reward, and it's a good one. Okay, time to relocate. Let's move!" Both the Screaming Gophers and the Bass did as they were told.

"Seriously, Dad, what are you laughing about?" I folded my arms. He snickered a few times before talking. "The- The Brunch of Disgustingness..." He then burst out into fits of laughter. "The...? Oh, boy, I can already imagine what that's gonna be." I rolled my eyes, and spoke in a sarcastic way to entertain Dad even more. I walked off, and saw that exact same bear trying to get into the girls' cabin. 

I rushed over, and pulled it away. "Would you stop?!" I scared it off, and I rubbed my temple as I leant against the door. "Uh... s-sorry about that. He's getting real clingy to people." I laughed nervously, and groaned. "That's cool. I mean, you-" "Quiet, Bridgette. Why are you helping us?" Heather shut Bridgette up, and walked towards me. "Oh, trust me, if I had to help someone, it wouldn't be you. It's because you haven't experienced a bear invasion yet. They're more common than you think." I scowled at Heather, and spoke the last sentence through gritted teeth. "Okay. I'm done with you. You can go now. Shoo." "Careful with her, Bridgette. This bear can be a real bitch." 

I walked off, not caring about the fact I just cursed on live television. Leshawna and Heather started fighting and arguing with each other, but I just walked back to the boys' cabin. "Lewis, dude! We were just about to start our welcome party for T and Big-O!" Big...? Oh, right. "That's cool. If you don't mind, I'll just be doing some stuff over here. I won't bother you." They started up their party music, and had several drinks. Non-alcoholic, of course. They're still underage.

While I was busy making sketches of the other campers, Duncan was on his record player, acting like a DJ. Not our DJ, but, like... uh... a disk jockey. Everybody was dancing, and having a good time. "Rock that soda pop, my brother!" It seemed they were having a burping contest. How interesting. Duncan stopped his record, causing it to scratch, whilst Owen and Geoff faced off. I tuned their burping out, mainly because it makes me gag if it's one of THOSE. 

I tuned back in, and noticed how everyone's hair was out of place, and there was a loud silence. "Nice one. That guy deserves to be captain..." They walked over to Geoff, and picked him up. I'm nearly done on him, anyway. "Speech, speech, whoop, whoop!" "Yeah, man, yeah!" Geoff cleared his throat, and spoke. "I owe it all to my big bro back home... for showing me how to pull back, and let 'er rip!" He burped again, and Owen gasped in surprise. I realised he was looking at my drawings. I quickly shut my book, embarrassed. Geoff raised his fists in victory. "Those chicks are going down!" The guys cheered, and I sighed, putting my pencil away.

- - -

"It's time for today's challenge!" Leshawna shrugged. "Uh, where's the breakfast at?" I folded my arms, and glanced at Dad. They both laughed again. "Stop doing that!" Dad looked at Chef, as he returned the look. "Let's just tell them." He nodded. "Today's challenge is... the Brunch of Disgustingness! You'll be getting a nine-course meal. Each member of each team must finish each dish. You will not know if the next dish is grosser than the last, not as gross, or just as gross. Just that it'll likely be... gross." Chef sneakily tapped his fingers together. "So, what, it's like... just a bushtucker challenge?" I shrugged, confused. "That is EXACTLY what it is!" Dad grinned, and Chef chuckled to himself. He then smiled at Dad. "Tell them what they'll get if they win, Chris!"

"The winning team spends two days at a local five-star resort where they'll be pampered, eat gourmet nosh, and be given antibiotics against anything they may have caught while participating in this challenge! The losing team will go hungry tonight and spend the next two days here. On Total Drama Island. With Chef." I did not see a problem with that, but everyone else gasped. Heather clenched her fists. "We are going to win this challenge!"

"You know, you might be allowed to not like Chef, but you don't have to be rude about it. Plus, he's just a softie. Like Koda. Scary at first, but nice when you get to know 'em."

"I just hope we win to ease some of the tension. I mean, I'll try anything once. Except meat. I can't eat meat." Bridgette shook her head.

Everybody sat in front of their concealed dishes. Leshawna cleared her throat. "Take a whiff, boys! 'Cause all I smell is victory for me and my girls!" I leant on the table, beside DJ. "Leshawna, I'm supposed to be secretive with this, but... I wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket here. Just some advice." I nodded. "I'll eat anything! Even my drawers if I have to." He hesitated. "Will I have to?" Completely ignoring the question, Dad began talking. "Let's begin the challenge! First... some hors d'oeuvres." Owen laughed, as the dishes were revealed.

"Haha, alright! Meatballs! Bring it on!" Owen scarfed down his plate, not even letting the food touch his tongue. I giggled, and continued watching with my arms folded. "Well, technically, you're right, Owen. But, these are kinda special." "It's beef testicle bourguignon." I sighed, remembering the farm of bulls. They all looked so friendly, too. What a shame. Owen spoke with his mouth full. "Testicles...?" Owen vomited on DJ. 

Heather, Bridgette and Leshawna looked down at their full plates. Geoff looked down at his plate, holding one. Duncan cringed away from it. "Oh, I don't know if I can do this to my bovine brother." Trent hesitantly put one in his mouth, then Owen gulped one, and shed several tears. DJ cried a single one, and it dropped upon the meat. I put a hand on his shoulder. "It's the hardest thing a man can do."

"Judging by the way the guys were reacting to the uh... 'dish'... I knew we could win the round." She folded her arms.

Heather confidently ripped the meat in half, and swallowed it. All the boys gasped in surprise, and she even got a raised eyebrow from me. Leshawna gulped one down, too. The girls didn't have any problem eating them, despite how gross they were. Lindsay was more worried about her nails. "Oh... okay, gross me right out the door! But, I could totally use a pedicure at that resort. My corns are growing corns." Heather glared at the boys, but, strangely, left me out this time. "What's the matter?" She flicked another ball into her mouth. "Mm... you big boys can't eat a little meatball?"

Geoff turned to the girls, and tried encouraging the boys. "Come on! We can't let the girls win! Our manhood is at stake!" Trent shoved another down his throat, basically every guy had finished, but Trent had one left. 

"I felt so bad. I had to help her." He shrugged.

Geoff got up, and walked over to Bridgette. I folded my arms, and watched him carefully. "It's not that big a deal. Sometimes they castrate bulls for, uh... m-medical reasons." Bridgette sighed, and ate one.

"It was so sweet of him to help." Bridgette smiled softly.

All three boys were crying tears. Not Duncan. Duncan had already finished. Owen, DJ and Trent were crying. Trent covered his eyes. "I-I can't do it!" "Well, looks like the guys lost this round. The first challenge goes to be female campers." The girls cheered happily, and Geoff sat back over with us. Duncan instantly got annoyed at Geoff. "Uh, what, you're helping them, dork? You just cost us this round!" And in the blink of a second, the boys were neck-and-neck arguing with each other. "You're pathetic!" "You're pathetic-er!" I came in between them both, and stopped them from hitting each other. "You're BOTH losers! Now, are you here to argue, or eat a bunch of gross food?!" 

I sat back down, and they apologized. "Alright." "Fine." "Sorry, man." "Sorry 'bout that, dude." They shook on it, and I showed a small smile, with the other boys.

"I can't believe how quickly the guys made up! And it was all because Lewis insulted them! Even I like to hold a grudge for a good six minutes!" Bridgette said, surprised. 

"The score now stands at one for the girls and zero for the guys! And now, the next course in… The Brunch of Disgustingness! You guys like pizza?" Dad happily clasped his hands together as if he was talking to some children. Honestly, it did make me feel like- No. No it did not. "I could eat pizza any time with anything on it!" "Owen..." I face-palmed, as Chef lifted the cloche. "How about live grasshopper pizza with tangy jellyfish sauce, and live anchovies?"

Everybody gasped. "I thought you were joking about the grasshopper part." I looked at Dad, semi-concerned. Lindsay squealed. "Ew, I hate anchovies!" Owen shrugged, as if it was no big deal. Trent, on the other hand, looked at me concerned, for my worry. Leshawna was not having it, either. Chef passed around the plates. "Ugh. Mm... that is straight up nasty. I ain't eatin' that." Heather angrily pointed at Leshawna. "Oh, yes you are! I am NOT missing out on an indoor heated pool just because you can't keep down a few-" 

One of the grasshoppers got onto Heather's finger. It chirped at her. She screamed, and repeatedly shook it off. "Grasshoppers... Okay, I can't do this!" She was about to get up and leave, until Gwen grabbed her wrist. "I'm digesting a bull's precious cajones! You're gonna eat!" Heather snatched it away, and sat down. "Fine. Can I get a little parmesan on this?" I noticed Owen had little to no problem scarfing down his slice. 

He even reached for another piece. Geoff smacked his hand away, and shook his finger. "Whoa, big guy! No taking seconds until everybody's had a slice!" I nodded in agreement. "I don't know why you want seconds in the first place. It's disgusting."

Lindsay was being convinced by Bridgette to get into a lotus position. When she had her eyes closed, Bridgette and some other people sneakily put the pizza in her mouth when she was taking deep breaths. She didn't even notice she was eating. 

"A lot gets by that girl. I have to say, I'm impressed." I folded my arms, and shook my head in approval.

Owen grabbed a second, although Trent hadn't touched his. He gagged, and tapped his pizza. "I've got a weak stomach. Uh, be right back." He ran off, and vomited loudly in the corner.

"When I was a kid, my parents used to hold me down and force feed me broccoli. They only did it because broccoli’s..." He shuddered. "...Good for you."

"I can do this. DJ, I need you to hold me down, while Geoff, you stuff the slice in my mouth. No matter how much I scream, or beg, you have GOT to feed me that slice." I looked at DJ in concern. Geoff shrugged, completely unfazed. "Huh. Sure. I'm in." DJ stood up, and restrained Trent in his arms, while Geoff picked up his slice of pizza. He was beginning to regret his order.

"No, stop! Wait, it was a joke! Ha! Ha!" He nervously laughed, and managed to get his arms free. I got up, and held them back. "I'm warning you, my dad's a lawyer!" "Yeah, and my mom still loves me. Eat the slice, you baby!" Geoff shoved it into Trent's mouth, and as soon as he swallowed it, his pupils dilated, and he looked up at DJ. "Mama?" Geoff and DJ grinned. DJ rocked him back and forth like a baby, whilst he sucked his thumb. My eyes widened, and I laughed. "No freaking way! Haha!"

"It wasn't that bad. I was playing it up for the cameras. You know. To boost the ratings! I don't really mind beef testicles, or live grasshopper pizza with jellyf-" He paused, and groaned at the thought. He then vomited again.

Owen and Duncan both plugged their noses, and ate a slice of pizza. Owen groaned, while Leshawna hesitantly took a bite. The grasshopper jumped from the pizza, into Leshawna's hair. "O-Okay, you know what? I can't be doin' this! Little grasshopper mindin' his own business! What'd I wanna go around and bite his little head off for?" She whined, and shook her head.

"The winners of this round... are the guys!" The guys cheered, while the girls glared at Leshawna. "What?"

"I was excited about the next dish. I made it from scratch."

"Alright, who's ready for the third course? Spaghetti! Well, actually... It's earthworms covered in slime sauce and hairballs." Geoff stood up. "No! I can't take anymore!" He ran away, screaming. I stood up. "I'll take care of this." When I got out the door, I tackled Geoff to the ground. He panted, and calmed himself down. "Okay! Okay! I'm good! I'm good." "Come on." I helped him up, and walked back inside with him. 

Duncan and Geoff put blindfolds on, and plugged their nose with pegs. "I love spaghetti. Spaghetti is good." Lindsay, on the other hand, finally snapped out of her trance, and realized they were feeding her worms. "Where am I?!" "DONE!" Geoff burped, and slammed his fists on the table. "Looks like you've got a strategy." 

"And once again, the winners are the guys!" The guys cheered, but the girl table were whispering under their breath. I noticed Heather shot some glares at me, but I ignored them, I didn't really care. After all, it was only three more weeks until I get to see Cody. Whoever gets eliminated that week, we get to go check up on the eliminated campers with them.

"I cannot stress this enough. In the weeks that've passed, I'm worried that people might think different about me, and I'd have no idea. So, when I get there, I wouldn't know what I did wrong! Considering my relation to Chris... this could go several ways."

"Alright, everybody. Time for course number four. No nine-course meal would be complete without soup. Today's special is French bunion soup, with hangnail crackers." I looked at Dad, in surprise. "This is far. Even for you." "I know! I'm really breaking my record here."

"...I think they just use stuff from Chef's bathroom floor."

Not even the boys could do this one. I was completely and utterly grossed out. Bridgette had the idea to use a funnel with Lindsay. She poured it down her throat, and Lindsay grinned. "I didn't even taste it." "The girls win again!" The girls cheered. "The score is now tied up at two!" "Sometimes, you really surprise me." I rolled my eyes at him.

"I think the girls really made a breakthrough as a team."

"Only five more courses left. Bon Appetit!"

The teams went through four disgusting meals. They were all more gross than the last. I felt even myself gagging at some of them. A ball of chewed gum, skunk juice cocktail, a literal sandal with glue on it, and trash stew. I don't understand how the campers haven't like, up and died yet. DJ came close, cause he got knocked out when trying to bite into the sandal, and hit his head. But, still. I wonder if any of them have deadly diseases yet, too.

"Wow! It's still tied up. We're down to the last course in the challenge. It's delicious dolphin wieners! Hot dogs made of dolphin." Bridgette gasped, and put her hands to her face. "But dolphins are our friends!" I chuckled, and shrugged. "They're honestly not. Do you want me to list all the bad stuff dolphins do?" "Yeah, fake-boy is right. Plus, they're already dead. If you don't eat it, we don't win." "Ooh... I can't! I'm a surfer! I swim with dolphins!" I groaned, and walked over to Bridgette. 

I then began whispering in her ear, listing things that make dolphins evil. Such as... gang-raping females dolphins, they sometimes grope humans, they kill babies that resemble their own... you know, all the bad stuff. I sat back down with the boys, and the look of horror on her face did not disappear. Heather slammed her palms on the table. "Eat it!" "No! I'm not doing it! You can't pressure me!" DJ nodded. "I'm with you sister. I'm not eating no dolphin."

Chef was far from happy. "I slave over a hot stove cooking dolphin. No appreciation!"

"Okay, enough! We'll solve this by having an eat-off." Chef came in with a blender, and a tray full of shot glasses. "The one who can drink the most shot glasses of fresh, delicious, blended cockroach will be the winner. This unlikely but satisfying blend of eight different cockroaches is vitamin rich for your balanced lifestyle. On your mark... get set... go!" Leshawna and Owen were doing it. Chef blended the cockroaches, then poured them into the shot glasses. I could still see limbs and things.

I gagged. "Muscle memory... can ruin..." I gagged again. "It can make a person go vegan."

It was a very, very hard battle to watch. Leshawna was gagging the entire time, and now, it was a tie. 6-6. All of a sudden, Owen's eating habits kicked in, and he gulped down another three. 9-6. Owen wins...? "Owen wins!" All the guys cheered, and I helped Owen up, since he had collapsed. Heather growled, and pointed at Leshawna. "Leshawna, you are completely useless!" "Oh- Uh-oh. Something's coming up." "That marks my leave." I stood up with a groan, and left. I knew my decision was the right one, because the cafeteria was flooded with the noises of vomit.

- - -

I sat on the edge of the dock, mindlessly doodling in the back of my journal. The boys walked past me, and stepped onto the yacht. The girls made way to their cabin, but they locked Heather and Lindsay outside. In fact, I was so focused on my MP3 player, I hadn't even noticed what I was drawing. 

I looked down in realization, and instantly blushed. I got up, and quickly made my way over to the boys' cabin, which I would have to myself for a few days.

"I couldn't stop. The drawing was only half finished!" I laughed nervously, and continued to finish off the sketch.

Chapter Text

I woke up in a hurry. I completely forgot about what was happening today. I stumbled around the boys' cabin as I raced to get my socks and shoes on. When I did, I immediately headed for the dock. Gwen and Bridgette were also at the dock. "Hey, Lewis. You seem excited." Gwen folded her arms. "I am. I really, really am today!"

I heard a boat horn honking loudly, and I waited patiently, but was bouncing up and down. However, when I heard the party music, I stopped, and groaned. I forgot. THEY have to be here first. The boys got off the boat in a great mood. "What a weekend! Woowee!" Owen was out of breath. "Oh, sweet mother of mirth! You cannot buy that kind of fun!" "I think Owen and DJ took a real shine to those lovely ladies who served us hand and foot." Duncan smirked. DJ had a massive grin on his face. "Hello! The spa treatments? My alligator elbows, totally gone!" DJ showed Owen his elbows. He felt them, and gasped. "Ooh! Like velvet..."

They finally noticed I was standing right beside them, but I wasn't paying any attention. I resumed my waiting, and I could not contain my excitement.

"Psh. Those should've been MY alligator elbows getting the hand and foot treatment!"

Owen walked over to me. "Want a chocolate coated cherry blossom?" Leshawna ran over, and swatted them out of his hands before I could even react. "NO!" He cried at the dock, mourning the loss of his food, which was now in the lake. Duncan walked over to me with folded arms. "What's got you so bouncy today?" "I'm not supposed to tell you, but I'm super, super excited about it!" I said with a grin plastered on my face.

Dad spoke through the loudspeakers, and I only got more excited. "Listen up, campers! As of right now, all teams are officially dissolved. From here on in, it’s every camper for themselves!" Duncan cleared his throat, and sighed. "Well, uh... it's about time we flew solo." Leshawna laughed. "Oh-ho-ho! I am feelin' that! Bring it on, Chris!" I couldn't wait. I was so excited. "Then get ready for this!"

Another boat horn honked, and I gasped when I saw. It was really her! For once, something good was happening! Nobody else seemed as happy as me. "You're frontin' me." "What? But that's impossible." "Aw, man, what is she doing here?" "Back by popular audience demand, it's Eva!" Eva got off the boat, and I immediately pulled her into a hug. "Eva!" She returned the hug, and pat my head, but fixed her angry gaze on the campers. "That's right. I'm back. And just to be clear, not only am I gonna kick butt, but I'm giving special attention to my backstabbing Bass team that voted me off!"

While everybody else was busy complaining, I couldn't be happier. "I'm so glad you're back! You've got no idea how much I missed you!" She looked away, and blushed a little. "Uh, gee... thanks, Lewis." However, this happy reunion was immediately shattered into pieces when Bridgette approached us. "So... Eva! Whatcha been doing since you left the island?" I let go of her. "Taking anger management classes. I seem to remember you thinking I needed them!" She angrily pointed at Bridgette. I made sure to separate them, but I could not wait to catch up with Eva.

Dad randomly spoke through the loudspeaker. "Not really. But, we liked her. Also returning to camp, it's Izzy!" Eva, Bridgette and Lindsay turned toward the loudspeaker. "Oh, no!" "Yes!" Izzy yelled like Tarzan, and landed on top of me. "IZZY!" "LEWIS!" We both laughed, and she helped me up onto my feet. Izzy then spoke to the other campers. "Hey guys! It's good to be back at camp! Even though I never actually left the island. I’ve been living in the woods all this time!" Gwen raised a finger. "But I thought the RCMP hunted you down?" She giggled. "They tried. But being a wilderness survivor, I was swift-footed and avoided capture."

She pulled out a raw fish, and bit its head off. "Once I was safe amongst my animal brethren, it was just me against the harsh elements." Leshawna put her hands on her hips. "You call this harsh? It's been warm and sunny all week." "Not where I was! But luckily, I was able to take refuge in the beaver dam. Yeah, I befriended the family of beavers who lived there and together, we foraged for nuts and berries." I grinned at her, and listened intently. "Boy, I could really use a bag of nachos right now." She howled like a wolf. "So, what's new with you guys?" The conversation was interrupted by Dad.

"All right, campers! Report to the amphitheatre where you’ll learn all about this week’s challenge! McLean out!" Everyone did as they were told, but I stuck wit Izzy and Eva. "You guys would not believe the stuff we've been doing! It's pretty crazy, I forgot to tell you, I've got a pet bear!" "Cool!" Izzy grinned, while Eva ran ahead with her bags.

I went on an absolute rampage talking about Koda and the other animals here. The entire time, Izzy was giving me her own experiences in the woods, and we were both sharing fairly interesting stories about the wild.

 - - -

We all sat in the amphitheatre, where it was set up like a game show set. I stood with Dad, in front of the wheel. "This was the project?" "Correct! It only took so long cause I was busy with the producers and stuff. But, they are gone-O!" I nodded. Dad went onto explain the rules of the game, as well as how to play, the reward, and some other details not worth mentioning. "What kinds of torture?" "Why don't you ask my lovely assistant?" He pointed to Chef, who was dressed up like a serial killer. "Let's do this. Duncan, you're up first. Let's spin the Wheel of Misfortune to select your torture." 

He walked over to the wheel, and spun it. It landed on the silhouette of the turtle. "Turtle puck shots! Our interns spent weeks collecting the grumpiest, angriest, crustiest, hungriest old snapping turtles on the island. While you stand in the goalie net, completely unprotected, Chef will fire off turtle slapshots." The angry turtles were in a line, and snapped at Duncan. I walked Duncan over to the goalie net, and whispered to him. "If I were you, dude, I'd protect my coconuts. This could... get ugly." 

I walked off, and folded my arms, watching from a distance. "If you can stay in for ten seconds, you'll go onto the second round." I pulled out the timer. A buzzer rang out, which meant it was the start of the round. Chef instantly began firing shots at Duncan, the first one being quickly avoided, but the next latched onto his shoulder, and bit him. He gasped, and yelled out in pain. From then on, he just kept getting bit, and bit, but he didn't back out. The very last one hit him in the nuts! 

"And Duncan moves on to the next round! Isn't this fun?" Dad elbowed me. I noticed Eva raising an eyebrow at me. "I think you and I have a different concept of 'fun'. But, yes." I stopped the timer, as Duncan fell to the floor. "It's a riot." "Next up, Lindsay! Your torture is..." She spun the wheel, and got the marshmallow. Oh, no. "Marshmallow waxing!" "Really? I thought we cut that one. Y'know. For the whole... uh... 'third-degree burns' thing?" "Yes, but that was when the producers were in charge. Now, I'm in charge!" "Oh, that's right. Continue." I waved my hand. "We're gonna wax every part of your body. If you can take the pain for a full ten seconds, you can go to the next level."

"Oh, I SO need this. I've been dealing with nasty razor stubble for weeks. Try not to wax off my tan, 'kay?" Chef dropped the boiling hot marshmallow wax onto her face. She screamed out in pain, but it was muffled. Everybody watched in pure horror at this, and even I took a worried glance. After ten seconds, it was pulled off. "Oh my gosh. I can't believe how smooth that is! Thanks, Chip." Dad mumbled. "It's... Chris." I giggled, and elbowed him. "I like Chip. Suits you." "And I like Liam. Suits you." "Aw, come on..." I jokingly groaned, and folded my arms. "Well done, Lindsay. Since you didn't even complain once, you get to choose who goes next!"

Lindsay walked back to her seat. "No thanks." Eva pulled her hair, and then began whispering in her ear. "Uh, oh... wait! I changed my mind. I choose... Bridgette... with... lake leeches... because she's a backstabbing, lowlife traitor. ...Grr." I shared a confused look with Chef, and I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah..." "It's payback time, traitor!" 

- - -

It was a good few minutes of silence. Bridgette didn't want to do this. Dad was impatient. "All right, Bridgette. Time’s a-wastin’. Get your butt in the barrel of leeches!" She anxiously stood up.

"Even though we all wanted Eva off the island, for some reason, that girl was gunning for Bridgette. I felt bad and all, but hey, better her than me."

Geoff made Bridgette sit back down, and stood up instead. "No, wait! I'll take her place!" Lindsay smiled. "Aww, that is so romantic!" Dad did his iconic 'hands-behind-back' thing, and talked. "Oh. And if your victim can last ten seconds without saying uncle, you get eliminated instead, which means you lose your chance to win this!" He was talking about the reward - the trailer that would be 'yours' at the end of the competition if you won. 

Geoff got into the barrel, and seemed fine at first. Then, as the seconds ticked by, he got more, and more uncomfortable. Eventually, he couldn't take it anymore and jumped out of the barrel. He screamed, and landed in front of me and Chris. It was only then I realised just how tall he was. I don't know why I realised that. I think it was because I've never seen him crouch, or bend over. "Ooh! Close shave, Geoff. Nine and nine one hundred-thousandths of a millionth... Whatever. It’s not ten. You’re out. You can return to your new seat." I watched as he walked over to the stocks. "Now, that's just rough." I shook my head.

"Has anyone noticed Lewis is acting a lot different lately, or is it just me? He's not usually like... that." Duncan raised his brow, and shrugged.

It was the exact same for everyone else. If they came and lost, they were put in stocks. If they won, they weren't. Owen was forced to wear wooden shorts with woodpeckers, Gwen had some of her nose hairs ripped out, DJ lost to the exact snake that ate Bunny 1.0, Bridgette was covered in bees. So far, everyone had completed their challenges. Except for DJ and Geoff, of course.

"Our next challenge will be... spending ten seconds in a wooden crate with Sasquatchanakwa. Tough one. Bridgette, you haven’t complained in a while, so you can choose the next victim." Everyone but Bridgette and Dad, excluding me and Chef, was chanting Eva. I don't know what was so bad about her! She just got rightfully angry that Heather stole her MP3 player. Those things are hard to get!

"Eva's hardcore. I was thinking she could actually pull this off!" Leshawna raised an eyebrow.

"If she picked Eva and made it out alive, Eva was gonna be so ticked off." Gwen crossed her arms.

They continued to chant Eva, and Bridgette solemnly nodded. "Here's a toe tag, surfer girl. You'll be needing it for later." She stood up, and walked over to the giant crate that held the Sasquatchanakwa. She stepped inside, and I heard her literally mauling the creature. I gasped as she came out, wearing its fur as an accessory. "Eva stuck it out, so Bridgette is out of the game! Reckless choice by Bridgette. Still, let’s give her props for sticking it to a teammate. Now let’s see who showed less courage than Eva and cried uncle."

Trent lost to skunks, Gwen lost while listening to new-age music, Lindsay at the threat of a haircut, which, to be fair, was going to be done with a chainsaw, Owen had a brain freeze after eating massive tubs of ice cream. Now, it was Izzy's turn. She was going to be zapped with two electric eels. Chef did so, but Izzy seemed to... enjoy it? "That was great! Hit me again!" I glanced at Chef, just as surprised as he was, before giving a subtle nod. He did it again. "Izzy, who's your next victim?" "Ooh! Ooh! Me! With a poison ivy spa treatment!" 

I looked at her, before face-palming. "Izzy, man..."

"Is it just me, or is that girl some kind of crazy?" Leshawna tapped her temple to demonstrate.

Dad's phone rang. "It's Chris. Yeah, yeah. She wants to do it. Okay." I raised an eyebrow at him. "I mean, the judges will allow it, but they wanna know why?" Izzy giggled. "I just wanna see how it feels." Me and Dad darted our eyes to and from each other once. "Aaalllrighty, then." 

- - -

Izzy loved it. "Time's up. Chef. Remove the poison ivy." He was about to, but she stopped him. "No, no. It feels great." Dad turned around, and walked off, clearly weirded out. "You stuck it out, but, sadly, you eliminated yourself." Izzy said something, but her lips were swollen, so I couldn't understand her. "Eva, you're up. Alright. After twenty rounds of torture, we're down to two steely competitors, and the sudden death round. 

"I did not make it this far to quit now. That trailer is in the bank, and it’s got my name written all over it. Whatever he’s got to throw at me, I’m gonna do."

"Leshawna, it's up to you. Your final challenge is... the Grizzly Bear Log Roll." She looked at him, confused. "The grizzly bear say what?" I helped her onto the log, and stepped back. I hope the bear doesn't go too far. I don't know this one, but he looks... violent. "Molotov the Bear performs with the Russian national circus and has been the European log-rolling champion for the past twelve years. To win, you must last ten seconds on the log while avoiding certain death in the piranha-infested water. Leshawna, you could back out now." Oh, no.

"Excuse me? Did I hear that right? A RUSSIAN bear!? Jeez... I hope Leshawna's going to be okay. I mean, she beat Rocky the Moose... so..."

"No way! I've seen scarier looking faces at the mall. I'm going in." She confidently got ready. "And... go!" Leshawna was doing surprisingly well with her balance. I mean, she was basically mirroring the bear. She eventually outran him, and even made him fall into the water, where the piranhas absolutely clean-shaved him.

"Ha! And that's how I roll!" "Leshawna wins! So, Eva is out!" I walked over to her, and put a hand on her shoulder. "What?! No way!" Dad nodded. "Way. She wins the challenge, invincibility, and the grand prize!" Leshawna celebrated, perhaps a little too much, and gloated in front of Eva. She then walked into her trailer, cheering as she did so. "While Leshawna checks out her trailer full of food and we check out her blood pressure, the rest of you can go to the confessional booth and vote off a camper. Other than Leshawna."

"Really? I mean- Eva's one out of two people I've ever trusted enough to show my journal to! It wouldn't be fair if she got voted off just because some people wound her up."

"Okay. So first up, we ran out of marshmallows." Owen instantly reacted, stood up, and screamed. "NO!" Nobody was really fazed by Owen anymore. "I’ve reviewed the confessionals and I have to say, there’s lots of hate on in this group, which is awesome! While I normally protect your privacy, in the spirit of airing your dirty laundry, I’m gonna go live with your confessionals!" A screen dropped down. Oh, no, no...

"Since Leshawna's immune, there's no other choice but rage-a-holic Eva." - Heather

"I vote for Heather, because I know she's behind Courtney getting kicked off. You'll pay for that, toots! If you're watching this on cable, I miss you, babe." - Duncan

"Eva's a freak. So... see ya." - Gwen

"Please, please, Eva! I'm so glad you never air these." - Bridgette

"Eva's nuts. Sorry, girl." - DJ

"It's gotta be Eva. Unless... I can figure out who snagged my lucky hat." - Geoff

"I just can’t get over how smooth this is. Anyway, I vote off Ava ’cause she’s scarier than Heather, Laquisha, and Gwen combined." - Lindsay

"Unless they wanna leave in body bags, they better not say my name. I vote for Heather." - Eva

"Really? I mean- Eva's one out of two people I've ever trusted enough to show my journal to! It wouldn't be fair if she got voted off just because some people wound her up." - Lewis

I froze up right about there. I didn't count as a voter, so, why was mine shown?! "Lots of dirt revealed there, huh? But in the end, it was still six votes against Eva. So, adios." Eva stood up angrily. "What?! This isn’t the end of me! You better watch your backs! I’m not done! I’ll get my revenge!" She stormed off to the dock. I rushed after her. "Eva, wait!" "What?" I lowered my voice.

"Does... does Cody still like me?" She hesitated for a moment. Then, she put a hand on my shoulder. "We all do, Lewis." After that, she got onto the boat without a word. She cleared her throat, and resumed with the angry talk. "I’m not done with you! Oh! And Izzy lied! She wasn’t in the woods! She was–" Izzy quickly interrupted. "Wow. She has issues, huh? Haha... Party at Leshawna's new crib!" They all cheered, and ran after Izzy and Leshawna. 

I walked off the dock, to be greeted by Dad. "Are you okay? I know how much you wanted her back." I paused, then looked up at Dad with a soft smile.

...

"Yeah. I'm okay."

Chapter Text

I groaned as I sat up in my bed. Strangely, I didn't have an aching head, like I did nearly every morning. I pulled myself out, and put on some casual clothing, with a jacket. I headed out, journal and pencil in hand, and walked down to the clearing by the dock, where me and Gwen would have an early sketching session. 

I sat down beside her, and we chatted about all kinds of stuff. "What do you think Justin would do if he got a cut on his face?" "Uh... wait, who's Justin again?" I joked around with her, and sighed. "But, seriously, he'd probably cry himself to sleep. His looks are everything." I rolled my eyes at the thought of him. Trent swam out from the lake, wearing nothing but some underwear. "Hey, beautiful! What you sketching?" Gwen gasped at the sight. "Nothing!" 

"I absolutely, positively don’t have a crush on Trent. I’m so over it. I mean, come on. Sure, for a week or two, I was into him, but I mean..."

"Oh, she's so totally into him."

I chuckled, and looked at Gwen's drawing of Trent shirtless. I was busy sketching Cody and my old stuffed kitten talking to each other. "Hey, is that a comic?" Gwen pointed it out. "Oh, um... yeah, I guess you could call it that." She nodded, and drew little scribbles. "Um... sorry about the whole 'Eva' thing. I was kinda harsh." "Don't worry. I'm not angry at you." I quickly shook my head, and spoke in a reassuring tone.

"Arr, maties! Meet me at the amphitheatre in five minutes and I’ll tell you about today’s challenge!" Gwen and I looked at each other. Why was Dad speaking like a pirate? "Welp... we should get there. He gets antsy waiting in costumes." I helped Gwen up, and we made our way to the amphitheatre. 

- - -

"Well, my little scallywags! Have we got an adventure in store for ye?" Dad was in a full pirate's outfit. There was lots of effort there. Chef just had a pirate hat on, but the thought was still there. "What's under the sheet?" Geoff asked, pointing at it. "All in good time, laddie. Who here has a-hankering for a good ol' fashion treasure hunt?" I smiled at Dad's antics, but Gwen sighed. "Hm..." My smile faded, and I awkwardly adjusted myself. "Now, this treasure hunt's got a twist, maties. What you're looking for isn't hidden, and it isn't treasure." 

Duncan rested his head in his palm. "If there's no treasure, then what's with the eyepatch and the plastic parrot?" "Arr, shiver me timbers!" He grabbed the parrot, and threw it. I giggled, and continued to watch. Chef then pulled off the sheet to reveal a pile of treasure chests. Three, to be specific. "You're looking for keys to a treasure chest! Inside each of these chests is a treasure that will pamper you landlubbers and one of these chests will even give you invincibility! Ha har! Now come 'round up, and pull a clue out of this bucket, or you'll have to walk the plank!"

Everybody came up and got a piece of wood out of the bucket, and looked at theirs. "The clues will tell ye where your key be stowed." Owen got a bear, and Dad seemed pretty happy about it. "I was hoping you'd get that one, dude." Heather got Chef's fridge. I chuckled and folded my arms. "Chef's fridge. Nice. I hear he brushes it daily for fingerprints." Geoff looked at his in confusion, but Dad came to his aid. "That there is the septic tank. For the washrooms!" He resumed with his pirate accent. "All you scallywags, go find your keys and bring them back by 6PM, Eastern Standard Time..." He tapped his wristwatch. "...To open up your chest, and get your loot!" He demonstrated with an LED light and an empty chest. "Fair thee well, young scallywags. Now get to it!"

"I don't know who came up with these lame-o challenges, and memo to Chris. Those pirate tights do not exactly flatter your legs. Savvy?"

"Woohoo! I am all about the treasure hunt! Yes! The bears are a little concerning, but there’s treasure!"

They got to work fast. "I think the pirate theme really suits you." I nodded in approval at Dad. "Thanks, dude. I made it myself. Wanna draw it?" He grinned at me. I grinned back, and nodded.

[3rd Person P.O.V]

"Trent’s first challenge. To grab his key from the man-eating shark-infested lake." Trent watched as the sharks circled the pole that held his key. He thought for a few seconds, before getting into his trunks, and grabbing a few dead fish. He threw them to the side of the sharks. They swam away, and Trent jumped into the water to grab it. He successfully got it, and climbed back out. "That was way too easy." He bragged to Gwen.

"Heather must retrieve her key from inside Chef’s bank vault of a fridge without getting caught." Heather sneaked into the kitchen, and quietly approached the fridge. She looked around for a few seconds, before hesitantly opening it. She saw Chef inside the fridge, holding an unusually large cleaver. She then shut the door, and walked off, terrified.

Trent and Gwen stood in front of a skunk burrow. She sighed, and groaned. "Are you okay?" "Ugh. My key is in that skunk hole. Skunks totally freak me out." "Listen, I've already got my key. Let me help you out." One of the skunks let out a smell from the burrow, and Gwen plugged her nose. "But this is practically impossible!" Trent folded his arms. "You can just pour water down the hole and flush 'em out." "Can skunks swim?" "Totally." "Cool. Ugh..."

Lindsay lowered Heather down into the kitchen from a rope, in a hole in the roof. Chef was asleep, a few metres away from the fridge. She snuck past him, opened the fridge, got her key, then closed the fridge. Everything was going great. Lindsay was pulling Heather out, and she was going to get the key without waking Chef up... until a bee flew beside Lindsay. She gasped, and let go of the rope. Heather screamed, but was caught by Lindsay. The key flew through mid-air, but Heather flipped upside down, and grabbed it before it could hit the ground. Chef was unfazed. 

Gwen and Trent managed to wash out the skunk burrow, with a large bucket of water. Gwen managed to retrieve her key, and Trent shared a laugh with her.

"That was moderately cool of Trent to help me avoid the skunks. He’s okay. Okay, he’s more than okay. He’s so incredible! But... don’t tell anyone I said that."

"The fact that Gwen is so smart and dependent, coupled with the fact that she’s incredible to look at, is just making me nuts. She rocks my world. So yeah, I’ll take a skunk shot for her any day."

"Aww... what a trust-building, heart-warming moment. Did I see tongue?" "Dad!"

"That’s just too much! Everyone knows that boyfriend-girlfriend is just another way to say 'alliance'. And my alliance is gonna be the only alliance on this island!"

Duncan had to get his key from a ring of fire. He dove through it, and grabbed it with ease. He smirked at the camera before-hand, too. "Duncan's tough exterior seems to be helping him with this challenge." 

"But good ol' DJ seems a little out of his league." DJ had to get his key by climbing a tree. He managed to climb the tree just fine, but struggled when a woodpecker began to violently peck the tree.

"Meanwhile, back in the communal washrooms, things are starting to... pile up." Geoff hesitantly put a scuba mask on, with some goggles. He shed a tear, before stepping into the toilet.

Lindsay's key was in a beehive. Izzy approached her, and got her key for her. However, when she returned to Lindsay, she was covered from head-to-toe in bees. The bees then flew off of Izzy, and began to chase Lindsay instead. She ran away screaming, and jumped into the lake. Izzy called after her. "Good luck, Lindsay!"

The bear that Owen was supposed to retrieve the key from was the extremely clingy one Lewis dragged away two episodes ago. It was wearing the key around its neck, and settled down for a nap. Owen quietly tiptoed into the cave, and got on his hands and knees so he could reach the key. He kept repeating the same thing to himself. "Oh no, oh no, oh, no..." He reached down to the key, but the bear put his paw over it. Owen was then forced to dig underneath the bear, but when he finally got a hold of the key, the bear got a hold of him. He had to whisper. "Oh... craaaap..." 

Izzy's key was to be retrieved from a rattle snake. She happily walked over to it, and talked to it as if it were a person, despite the warning rattle it gave her. "Hey, little fella, how you doing? Aw, boy, you sure are cute." The snake sunk its teeth into her head. "And feisty, too!" She slurred her words, and then collapsed. Heather walked up to her. "There's no time for that, now. We need to have an alliance meeting."

Leshawna needed to get her key from some very, very violent and angry crocodiles. She was balancing over top of them, on a broken bridge, while the key sat in a cup below her. "Ooh! Ooh! Woah!" 

"You do realise you don't need to pose, right?" He giggled at Chris. "I don't?" Chris instantly stopped posing, and stood awkwardly. "No... I can draw perfectly fine. I'm not a painter." Lewis rolled his eyes, and Chris laughed nervously. He then came and sat down next to Lewis. "It's good so far. Where's the parrot?" "Parrot ruined the whole thing you had going on. Inspirational choice." Chris nodded.

Heather was waiting, tapping her foot impatiently. "Where is she? I knew I couldn't count on her." Lindsay lead Trent over to Heather. "I just don't know what's up with Heather!" As soon as Heather heard Lindsay, she began to fake cry. "Maybe you should go talk to her." Trent walked over. "Heather, what's wrong?" She leant up against a pole, hiding her face. "N-Nothing." "No, tell me." Heather sniffled, and turned to Trent.  Her voice broke as she held her face in her hands. "Well, I don't wanna sound like a suck or anything, but Gwen has just been so mean to me, and I just don't get why! Ah! I don't think I can go on!" 

She leant against the pole again, and cried. Trent put a hand on her shoulder, as Lindsay sat in a tree, waiting to give the signal. "Gwen's just kind of a hard girl to get to know, that's all. Don't take it personally." Heather whimpered, and hugged Trent. "I’m just so surprised to hear you supporting her, you know, after all the horrible things that she says about you and..." Heather gasped. "Oops." Trent furrowed his brows. "What? What do you mean?" Trent pushed Heather off him. 

"I-I feel terrible telling you this. I-I promised I wouldn’t say a word. But you should know that Gwen confided in the girls last week that she really can’t stand you and thinks you’re a total cliché, your music sucks. And she’s only stringing you along to get further in the game." Throughout the explanation, Trent became more and more distraught over this.

Lindsay saw Gwen coming, and made the bird signal. "Gwen is just playing you for your vote. She’s played us all and you’re just so nice that I can’t watch you fall for it anymore." "Wow. And all this time, I thought she liked me. She really said my music sucks?" Trent looked down, hurt by her words. Heather finally noticed the signal. "Maybe Gwen thinks your music sucks, but I think you're really talented." Heather grabbed Trent's face, and kissed him. He was surprised at first, but then shut his eyes, and accepted it. 

Unfortunately, Gwen had the idea that Trent gave her a love letter to meet him on the dock. It was a set-up, so Trent would be voted off. Gwen witnessed the kiss, and gasped. Tears flooded her eyes, and she dropped the letter. She then stomped on it, and ran away. Trent had decided enough was enough, and pulled away from Heather. He groaned, and walked off. 

He walked down the beach, fell onto his knees, and slammed his fists against the sand. Gwen did the same on the dock, both sobbing their hearts out.

Gwen yelled. "Jerk!"

Trent was angry. "User!"

"I thought we had-"

"-something real. Man, was I ever wrong." Trent sighed.

Back in the cave, Owen was trying to get out from under the bear's arm. "No, no, no, no..." He waved the key under the bear's nose, which made him yawn, and release Owen. He grinned, but that was quickly interrupted when the bear put Owen's head in his mouth. "Crap infinity..."

"I can't believe Trent cheated on Gwen. And with Heather?! That stinks, man." Geoff shook his head.

"I'm done. I'm surprised you wanted to be drawn, though." Chris peered over Lewis' shoulder. It was a good drawing of him. "Mind printing that out for me? I wanna keep that." He happily nodded in response. They both heard Bridgette's scream from miles away. "Do you think it's about time we brought them back?" "Um... yeah. Okay." 

[Lewis' P.O.V]

Dad called everybody back. They all gathered around the campfire, and I noticed several problems. Like, Izzy had the venomous snake biting into her head, Geoff smelt awful, and Duncan had a burn mark on his face. "Heh. Izzy, you've got a snake on your head." She grinned at Duncan. "I know, but don't worry. He's friendly." The snake sunk its teeth into her head again, to everyone's shock. "See? Kisses." She fainted. 

Dad resumed with his pirate accent. "Yarr. It be time to claim your treasure. Who's fortunate enough to bear the precious key, come forth with it!" Duncan came forward first. He got a bag of chips, and a candy bar. "Is that the best you can do?" He glared at Dad, who winked at him. Owen noticed his key didn't open anything, and pointed it out. Dad shrugged. "Oh, come on! Can you at least do something about him?" I raised an eyebrow at the bear, and pointed downwards. The bear spat out Owen, and walked away. "Thanks."

Gwen got a toaster, while Heather got a basket full of things. "Oh, and look! An invincibility pass. Lucky me." All campers scowled at her, as she walked away. Lindsay got an accordion, Trent got two bottles of soda, Leshawna got a lamp, Geoff got some cologne, Izzy got a calligraphy set, while Owen, DJ and Bridgette got nothing.

"I hope everyone got the treasure they were looking for. And more. But now, it’s time to do your duty and send one of you off the island for good. So cast your votes." He got back in his pirate accent. "And I'll see ye buccaneers back at the campfire after sundown! Arr, har, har."

"Looks like Trent is going down." Leshawna smirked.

Owen slurred his words. "Trent."

Duncan angrily pointed at the camera. "You messed up, dude."

"You leave us no choice." Bridgette shrugged, and shook her head.

"I really feel like I made such awesome friends here. It's so hard for me to vote anyone off." He smiled innocently.

Lindsay was reading a magazine, and peeing. She finally realised she was being recorded, and gasped.

Heather smirked. "I'm really getting into this game. I can play these losers like a violin."

Well, sadly, Dad was out of his pirate costume. For some reason, I could feel some serious tension lingering. "And now the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The moment of truth. Marshmallow time! You know the routine. Whoever doesn’t get a marshmallow, it’s curtains for you." There was a very long period of time where it was complete silence. The tension now felt so thick it could fill a room. 

I looked over to Leshawna, who looked absolutely furious at Trent. Trent looked as if he had done nothing wrong. My thoughts were stopped when Dad just raced through the names. "Izzy. Geoff. Gwen. Leshawna. Lindsay. Bridgette. DJ. Duncan. Owen. Marshmallows for the lot of you." Trent didn't get one. "Sorry dude. You're out." He gasped. Everyone seemed to know what was going on, except for me and Trent.

"That’s right! Take your two-timing ways back to where you came from!" Leshawna yelled at Trent. "What? But... I thought I was getting along so well with everybody." Heather smirked. "I guess you were wrong." Gwen gasped at Heather. "You don't even care, do you?" She shrugged. "Hey. Just playing the game." Bridgette folded her arms at Heather, while Trent walked up to Gwen. 

"Why should you care? You think I'm a cliché." Gwen put her foot down. "Where'd you get that from!?" "Her." Trent pointed at Heather. Heather waved sarcastically. Gwen folded her arms, and I stood up. "You know, even after all this, I still didn't vote you off!" Trent scowled. "Then how'd I get the boot?" "Oh, Leshawna jumped the gun. She told people to vote you or Heather." I nodded, while I crossed my arms. Heather smirked. "But, tonight, I'm invincible. So, that leaves poor old Trent, here."

Leshawna frowned. "Looks like we got played. Sorry, hun." "Oh, no!" Trent smiled at Gwen. "It’s okay. Whatever happened, happened. At least we both know that we’re still okay. We’re still okay, right?" Gwen happily nodded, and returned the smile. "Yes." "I want you to be tough and fight through the end. For both of us. I’ll be watching and cheering for you back home." I sighed, and smiled at Trent. Nobody but the losers knew where they were going. Gwen and Trent slowly edged in for a kiss.

"Trent! You have an appointment at The Dock of Shame and a ticket for The Boat of Losers. Let’s go." Dad interrupted, and pushed them away from each other. It startled them. Trent sighed, and followed Dad down the Dock of Shame. He got on the boat, and it drove away.

Gwen cried some heavy, heavy tears. Everyone said their goodbyes to Trent as he left the island, and even Lindsay said goodbye. Heather was beaming as she stood up. "Love to stick around, but it’s been a long day and I’m gonna hit the showers. Great work, everybody." She walked off, and I scowled at her. 

"Leshawna. What do you say we teach her a lesson?" I smirked at her, and it's like we had a mental connection, because she smirked back.

[Time Skip - 15 Minutes]

We snuck up to behind the washrooms, where Heather was currently showering. I opened up the pipes, and Leshawna connected the sewage pipe to the washroom pipe. As soon as she did, Heather's discomfort could be heard. "What the...? Ew! Ugh, oh! Is this sewage?! Stop it! Stop! Oh! No!" We both snickered, and walked away.

Chapter Text

Heather strolled up to me with Lindsay. "Hi, Lewis!" "Do not try it, Heather. I don't want to be in an alliance with you." "Fine. It's not like I wanted to be next to the boy-impersonator anyways. I bet that's why Cody likes you. It's because you're so masculine, you're only a few parts short of being one. Once he realizes he needs those parts to be an actual gay man, he'll ditch you." I raised an eyebrow at her, slightly surprised at her sudden switch-up. "Well... I'm fine with that. If Cody doesn't want me, he doesn't have to have me. I'm not forcing boys to be with me. Unlike some people." I glared at her. 

"Well, yeah. They don't know that though, do they?" I folded my arms. "Well, actually..." Some of the guys stood on the deck of the cabins, and Heather hadn't even noticed. She scoffed, and stormed off. I sighed, and shook my head.

"I'm going to make sure Heather pays. In fact, when it's the end of Total Drama Island, and everyone's back, I'm pushing her in the lake!" I growled.

"She's messed up in the head, man." Geoff shook his head. "Don't get me started. She's been bothering me all season." I sat down on the steps of the cabin, sighing to myself. I don't know why she's coming to me now. I guess since she's getting more and more attention, she's got to protect herself. But, that doesn't make sense why she thinks I would even be allowed in an alliance. I'm not a competitor, I don't like her, and she got some of my friends voted off.

"All campers come meet me on the Dock of Shame in five! I mean seconds this time, dudes." Everyone got up in an instant, racing to the dock. I stood up, and walked with the guys. I noticed Chef was there. Cool. I love it when Chef helps in challenges. "Today's challenge is a good old fashioned game of hide-and-seek." Dad explained the basics, before explaining why Chef was there. "You all get ten minutes to hide before Chef Hatchet comes looking for you. With his military background and advanced degree in man-hunting, he's uniquely qualified to make this game excruciatingly hard."

He pumped the water gun, and smirked. Duncan questioned it. "What's with the water gun?" He aimed it at Duncan. It also had a laser point, which was currently fixed onto his forehead. "The lifeguard chair is home base. When he finds you, Chef will try to spray you. If you escape his blast, you can try to run to home base." Dad tapped a leg of the lifeguard chair. "But if he catches you on your way, he'll douse you." Duncan smirked at Chef, and Chef still had the water gun fixed on Duncan. 

"Ooh! So we're gonna get splashed by a bit of water! Now I'm terrified." Duncan said sarcastically, and looked at me for a reaction. I only shook my head at him. "Why don't you demonstrate, Chef?" He pumped up the water gun a few times, before shooting Dad a mile or so back. He was soaked, and I could hear him yelling. "NOT ON ME, DUDE!" He groaned, and began walking back. I laughed under my breath, while Heather rolled her eyes.

"So, how do we win this game?" Luckily, Dad made it back fast. He was still drenched, and his hair was all messed up. He was dripping with water. "You've got three options. One. Don't get discovered in your hiding place. Two. Run to home base before Chef blasts you. Three. Once you've been caught, help Chef find other campers." Chef nodded happily. "Do any of those, and you win invincibility. All clear?" Lindsay uncertainly raised her hand. "Uh...?" "You get ten minutes to hide. Go!"

- - -

Me and Dad were making sure there was nobody easily visible. We stepped into the girls' cabin, and immediately, I noticed Lindsay. I elbowed Dad, and pointed at her. "Uh, Lindsay... Couldn't you do any better than hiding under your covers?" She giggled at me. "Fooled you! This isn't even my bunk!" I raised an eyebrow. I looked at Dad, who was also confused. He then called upon the mighty forces. "Oh, Chef Hatchet!" He kicked the door open, and Lindsay screamed. She somehow made it past Chef without getting drenched, and went to to a different hiding spot.

Dad and I followed her, and I saw that she was peeking over the top of a bathroom stall. Easily visible. Dad knocked on the stall door, and rested up against the wall. "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "The entire viewing world." I stifled a laugh, but Dad seemed to be taking this a lot more confused than I was. "The entire viewing world who?" "You're gonna have to do a lot better than that if you want to avoid capture." She ran out the stall, screaming. "My guess? She's a goner." "Eh. She can surprise you."

I shrugged. "I'm gonna be on my way." "Doing what exactly?" I raised an eyebrow. "What do you think? Looking for the campers, obviously." "I like it! Good luck, man."

- - -

I swear I felt someone following me. Every single time I turned around though, there was nobody there. It had to have been the camera crew. I heard some voices coming from a cave, and grinned. 

I quietly walked over, and listened in, deciding whether I should enter or not. "Listen up boys. We're in trouble. Okay? There are six chicks on the island and only four dudes." "I know! Nice odds!" Oh, I see. It's the guys. "No, butt-brain! Bad odds. If I noticed it, chances are that sooner or later, they're gonna notice it too. And when they do, they're gonna pick us off one by one. We've gotta do something about it." "It's not like they're exactly getting along. Remember this morning?"

"Mm, I don't know dudes. Bridgette and me, we kinda hooked up. I don't feel right about joining an alliance without her." "Let me tell you the truth about women. They're all sisters and when push comes to shove, they're gonna stick together. Haven't you ever seen a chick flick before?" I raised an eyebrow. That's not all true. I don't do that. "Well, yeah, but-" I walked in about then. "What are you guys blabbering about?" "Uh- Nothing. Are you here to catch us out early?" 

I shook my head. "No." "Good." Duncan stood up. "But he will." Chef cleared them all out the cave. I laughed the entire time, while they all ran away. Geoff got caught out first, and he sighed. I put my hands behind my head, and chuckled. "This is fun!" "To you, maybe." Geoff was pretty shaken up. 

- - -

"Where do you think they are?" I looked at Geoff. "I'm in an alliance, bro. I'm not saying a word." I furrowed my brows at him. "Aw, come on! You're supposed to help us." I whined, and crossed my arms. "Sorry, dude. I stick by the man's code." "But... you wouldn't get immunity?" I said in a worried tone, unsure of whether he would help me and Chef or not. He was very clearly hesitating to tell us anything related to the guys. "Fine. How about we check the kitchen?" I said to Chef, who nodded in response.

- - -

We got into the cafeteria, and I heard Heather. "Dig yourself a hole! Disguise yourself as a canoe! I don't care! Just do it somewhere else!" I walked towards the kitchen, and switched on the light. Heather was shouting at Lindsay, yet again. 

"Dude." I shook my head in disapproval, and stepped out the way. Chef stepped in, and laughed at how stupid they were. "This is MY kitchen! Also known as forbidden territory!" They both stood in silence, before Heather yelled. "Take her!" She pushed Lindsay into us both, and ran away screaming. Now, I was not having that. "Hey!" I ran after Heather. Lindsay then ran away screaming, too. Chef then followed us three.

"I'm getting real sick of Heather. Can't she just be eliminated already?!" I groaned.

I stepped out the way so Chef could get by, but I growled at Heather. Heather and Lindsay were running towards the lifeguard chair, and I could see Chef aiming for them. I stood back, and scowled at the both of them. Thank the Lord he hit them, or else I would've been so annoyed. Heather would've won immunity unfairly! "Yes!" I laughed at Heather, who glared at me. 

I heard the door to the cafeteria open, and turned to it. I raised an eyebrow at the building, and walked towards it. I walked inside, and looked around. "Hm..." I put a hand to my chin, as I thought for a second. Then, I heard someone sneeze. I looked up, and saw Izzy. "Oops. I guess you heard that, huh?" She laughed, then jumped down on top of me. She flipped in mid-air, whilst I was still recovering from whatever sneak attack that was.

"I saw that!" Chef burst through the door, yelling as he spoke. I sat up, and rubbed my head. Apparently, in those few seconds I was down, Izzy and Chef had engaged in a fist-fight. Both of them were surprisingly good at combat, and only Chef had pushed Izzy back. Izzy had signalled him to come forward, and he charged her. Izzy quickly dodged him, and jumped up in the air. "Bye-bye!" She kicked Chef in the face, sending him back against the wall. She then jumped out the glass window, breaking it in the process. "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE!"

"She really is dangerous." I helped Chef to his feet, and he chased after Izzy, yelling. I stood up, and walked out the cafeteria. I noticed Heather and Lindsay looking very, very concerned. "What happened in there?!" I shook my head. "I dunno. I was trying to recover after getting attacked by Izzy." 

I watched as Chef missed Izzy, but instead she slipped into the water. "Speaking of which, I'm gonna get out of here." I strolled off, looking for the other campers. Chef had already taken care of Bridgette and Izzy, so... yeah.

I think there's only Gwen, Leshawna and Duncan, but I feel I'm forgetting somebody. I tripped over something, and when I picked myself up, I discovered that it wasn't a something, it was a someone. "Ow! Watch where you're going, you-" She stopped when she saw me. It was Gwen. I was slightly disturbed to have tripped over her, when she wasn't even there in the first place. "Where did you come from? I swear, I-" "Fake grass blanket. Thanks to you, I lost." I chuckled, and stood up. "Well, you were the trip hazard." "I guess." She threw the blanket aside, and dusted herself off. 

"Anyway, where's Chef? I thought you two were sticking together." Gwen asked. I shook my head in response. "No, I'm only helping him find people. We should get to him, anyway." She nodded, and we walked around for a while.

- - -

We both met up with Chef again, and walked around for a couple more minutes. He had collected eight people, with the exception of Heather, who had found Owen and DJ. "That's weird. Normally, we would've found Duncan by now." I folded my arms, and looked around.

- - -

"I wonder where he is. It's been ten minutes." Gwen put a hand to her chin. All of a sudden, Owen spat out... a lot of information. "How should I know? It's not like the guys are forming a guys only alliance or anything. Okay, they are forming one, but I'm not a part of it! Okay, you broke me! There is an alliance and I joined it and I'm not supposed to tell you but I did! There, are you happy?" I looked at Gwen, then back at Owen. "Wow. I really had to drag that out of you." Gwen pet Owen's head sarcastically. 

Chef walked out of the cave, with Duncan. He was holding him by the scruff of his neck, while Duncan was anxiously trying to get loose. "A-Alright already! You got me! Sheesh." Geoff shrugged. "I guess that's everyone, then." I raised an eyebrow. "What about Leshawna?" I looked up at Chef. He quickly darted his eyes around as he spoke. "Leshawna? But, I searched everywhere!" He had a moment of realization, and whispered. "The water."

He dashed off, and I urged everybody to follow him.

We did so. He was running quite fast, not even I could catch up with him. He pumped up his water gun, and slid to a stop at the dock. I did so, too, but everyone crashed into me, and we ended up in a pile on the ground. "G-Get off me!" I got myself out from that, but by the time I had, Leshawna had been found. Luckily, she won, though. "What took you so long, sugar?" He nodded proudly at her. 

The campers all got up, and cheered for Leshawna, running up to her. "Alrighty, campers. Game's over. Time to pick the loser, and send them home."

- - -

Nobody wanted to be near Bridgette. She had been sprayed by a skunk, and smelt absolutely horrible. "There are only two marshmallows left on this plate. You each racked up a lot of votes. One of you is going home tonight. And cannot return. Ever. The next marshmallow goes to... Owen." He threw it at Owen, who caught it in his mouth, and swallowed it. "Woohoo! Alright!" He cheered, and walked over to the rest of the group. 

"The final marshmallow of the night goes to... Duncan." All the contestants gasped, while Duncan savoured his marshmallow, and even licked his fingers once he was done. Dad threw the plate with a frown. "Okay, that was a shocker. Even I'm shocked, and I knew the answer." Bridgette grabbed her things, and walked down the Dock of Shame. Geoff ran after her, quite clearly upset. "Bridgette, I'm gonna miss you!" She smiled sadly, and turned around. "Me too! So, you didn't vote me off?" "No way!" He quickly shook his head. "You didn't!?" Duncan angrily yelled at him. He shut his eyes, nervously smiling back at the boys.

He turned back to Bridgette, and shrugged. "I could never vote you off, babe! You're my girl!" "Aw, I believe you!" They both walked closer for a kiss. I could already see how this was going down. They leaned in ever so closely, and then...

Geoff finally smelt Bridgette. He left her hanging, and hid by a rock, all the way back at the campfire. Ouch...

- - -

Duncan punished Geoff by making him sleep in his sleeping bag, but tied to the tree outside the cabins. I was concerned, but, hey, I don't mess with an angry Duncan.

Chapter Text

Me, Duncan, DJ, Leshawna, Owen and Gwen were playing catch with a frisbee. So far, nobody had been caught out yet. It was going pretty good. I threw the frisbee to Leshawna. I heard crying coming from behind us, so me, Owen and Gwen turned around. It was just Geoff in the confessional. He was sobbing. Owen got hit in the back of the head, and collapsed, but Duncan and Leshawna walked over next to us. "He's still crying in there?" I said. I couldn't lie, I felt bad for him. Bridgette did not deserve that elimination.

"Ooh! Sounds like Geoff's having a hard time accepting Bridgette's been kicked off, huh?" Leshawna put her hands on her hips. Duncan did the same, and shook his head. "Yeah. He's so weak." I could hear him singing in there. It was horrible. 

"Baby, come back! Any kind of fool could see! S-Something... something...? Uh... about you! Hey, Bridge! Sendin' out mucho love to... um... wherever it is that the Boat of Losers takes you!" I sighed sadly, and looked away. "He seems so upset about it. I mean, I felt horrible when Cody got voted off. I am not letting him ruin himself." I walked away from the group, but I overheard them talking behind me. "Yeah. We should check on him." "Wait. What about our game?" "Check on him? Since when did he start having feelings?"

Geoff stepped out of the confessional, and rubbed his eyes. I immediately hugged him, much to his confusion. "It's okay, Geoff..." "I dunno, man... I miss Bridge so much..." He sniffled, and I nodded. "I understand how you feel. I miss Cody. But, you know what? You've gotta get over it. Not because it's irrational, or anything like that, but because she would want you to. If you got further in the game, she would be so, so proud of you." He then immediately returned the hug, and sobbed into me.

I patted his back, and nodded empathetically. "I'm so sad, bro!" "I know, I know..." I noticed Owen, Duncan, and DJ were walking up. "It's okay." The three of them noticed how I was comforting Geoff, but Owen got all upset, too. He pulled us both into a bone-crushing hug. "Attaboy... Hug it out!" I groaned uncomfortably, and Geoff seemed to have calmed down. "Look, man. Voting Bridgette off was just a strategic move. If the guy alliance stands strong, we can win this. So. Are you in?" Owen dropped us both, and Duncan raised an eyebrow. "I don't know, man.. Going on without Bridge is like..." I put a hand on his shoulder.

He sniffed the air. "Oh... is that bacon? Aw, crap! Did I miss breakfast!?" He ran away, and Duncan smirked. "I think Geoff's in." I shook my head at him. "You know, it would help if you actually supported him for once." I rolled my eyes, and walked past them. "Wait, what? Hold on, what do you mean?!" He caught up to me. "Just give me this one hour in peace." He slowed his walking, and eventually came to a stop.

"Morning, campers! Your next challenge awaits you at the Arts and Crafts Centre!"

- - -

"Welcome to the Arts and Crafts Centre!" Dad spread his arms out. Duncan folded his arms. "More like the Arts and Crap Centre." "Yeah. It used to be an outhouse, but now it's where Chef parks his road hog." Dad kicked down the door to the shed, and revealed Chef's sweet motorbike. While the contestants were ogling at it, I rolled my eyes. "Which brings us to your challenge. Building your own wheels!" Owen threw his fists up into the air, and cheered. "Hot rods! Yes! Awesome! Gimme five! Woohoo! Woohoo. Woo..." He wanted a high-five from Duncan, but instead was left hanging. He sighed, and stopped trying.

"You'll find all the parts you need in our bike depot." Dad pointed to a pile of old bikes, and spare parts. I swear he went to the junkyard last night. Maybe that's what he was doing. "Bicycles! Less awesome, but still good! ...Right?" There was shared silence all around Owen. "Once you've collected the basics, you can trick 'em out any way you want using props from the Arts and Crafts Centre. Best design wins! And... to prove I'm a nice guy, I'll even throw in a bike manual." He threw a bike manual at Heather.

"Ew! It's furry!" She threw it, and Izzy caught it. I admired it with her. "Cool..." "Mould spores!" I pointed out. Heather sighed. "Freaks. We get first dibs!" I dragged myself away from Izzy. "Uh, actually! Can me and Lindsay have a word? In private?" I asked, trying not to start anything with Heather. She scowled at me. "Fine. But make it snappy!" She pushed Lindsay over to me. I lowered my voice as I spoke to her. "Lindsay. Today, if Heather makes you angry or upset, don't be afraid to go all out on her. Cursing, rude gestures, anything." She gasped. "That's against the rules...!" I nodded. "I know. But, today, you've got special permission from me. Okay?" "Okay!" 

I cleared my throat, and Lindsay went back over to Heather.

"Girl's getting smarter. I like that. I just hope Lindsay doesn't back down today."

"Finally, a challenge I can get behind. I used to build bikes back home with my brothers all the time. Okay, so I used to steal them from the dweebs down the street and crash them into the school wall, but point is, this is something I know."

Owen laughed, as I sat on the picnic table. "I'm gonna make my dream bike!" Lindsay gasped, and smiled at Owen. "Oh my gosh, me too! Every year at Christmas, I asked for a Sunset Sally bike but never got one." He began to tear up. "Really? Santa never brought you... your Christmas wish?" DJ sadly shook his head. "Man, that just ain't right." Duncan came in between them both. "Guys, this isn't a Christmas wish contest. If we want to vote the chicks out, then our bikes have to kick butt. Capiché?" Geoff looked like he was feeling much better.

"Righ-hi-ight! Wailing choppers!" He nodded. Owen cheered. "Kick butt. Yes! Let's do it!" DJ weakly agreed. "Guys' alliance, woohoo!" Something was up. He wasn't his happy, normal self.

" The guys think they're so stealth, building their little alliances. It's kinda cute, really. But why work on your own bike when you can get someone to do it for you."

I was chatting with Leshawna and Lindsay, giving them tips about a safe bike, when Heather came over. "Could I just borrow her for a sec?" She dragged Lindsay away. I overheard them, though. "See that motor thingy with all the fancy exhausts? Dismantle it. And make it fast, before Chef gets back." She handed Lindsay a spanner.

"No. No, no! That's wrong. I BUILT that bike with Chef! It was literally the first thing I did when he came into my life! It's the symbol of our first memory together!"

"Uh... but what about my bike? I wanna win, too." I was about to stand up to stop her, but Leshawna pulled me back down. "Nah, baby. Don't risk it." I whined anxiously, before sighing, and sitting down. "She's gonna pay for doing this." I crossed my arms, but I kept a very, very watchful eye on Heather. "We're BFF's, remember? Would I steer you wrong?"

"You absolutely would."

" Okay, maybe I'm navy, but Heather's always been trustworthy to me before. That I know of."

Heather pushed Lindsay into the shed, while me, Leshawna, and Gwen approached her. "No. Uh-uh. We're going in first. You'll just have to wait your turn. Or, save yourself the effort and not even bother." Heather stopped us from going in. While Leshawna walked away, I pointed at Heather. "Don't think you're getting away with that, toots. I've got my eye on you." I stormed off, and sat beside Leshawna.

"Gotta love karma." Gwen grinned.

Leshawna dug through the pile of old bikes and parts, looking for things. She pulled out a pedal, and looked at it, confused. "Where does this go?" I shared a look with Gwen. "That's the pedal. Haven't you ever ridden a bike before?" She put her hands on her hips. "Of course I've ridden a bike before! I've just never built one from scratch. That's all. There's too many pieces." I nodded my head at Leshawna, while Gwen responded.

"Well, you better start reading the manual because the guys have an alliance going, and it looks like Heather and Lindsay are still sharing a brain, which means it's us against them." "Alright, alright." She scoffed. "How hard could it be?" Izzy had made a bike completely out of wood, and since the girls seemed to have everything covered, I decided to check up on the guys.

- - -

I sat down, resting on the tree where the boys were building their bikes. DJ was testing out his helmet on the tree. It was pretty sturdy. "Hey. Do you guys remember your first bike ride?" Owen asked. Duncan instantly sprung to action. "Oh, yeah. I went down so bad, I popped my collar bone. You could see it sticking right out of my shoulder. It was wicked!" DJ instantly dropped his jaw. He put a hand on his shoulder, shuddering at the thought. I raised an eyebrow.

"I flew so far over my handlebars that I skid for a mile! Skin was hanging off me in chunks!" Geoff was laughing, although it wasn't really that funny. DJ was getting anxious. He sat down beside me, trembling. Owen laughed at Geoff. "Oh, that's nothing! I popped my arm right outta my socket. It took three doctors to hold me down while they slingshot it back into place." I noticed DJ was sweating profusely. I put a hand on his arm. "They're just reckless, DJ. They don't care whether they die or not. You're smarter than that, and definitely safer."

He nodded quickly, and feedback from the loudspeaker sounded. "Campers! Time to judge your bikes! Put your pedal to the metal and meet me at the Crafts Centre!" I helped him up, and all five of us walked over to where Dad was. 

"Well, campers. We gave you the parts." Heather- Sorry, Lindsay made a bike out of junk, and gave it to Heather. "Excellent aerodynamics, Heather." "It only weighs two ounces!" Gwen whispered to me. "Like her brain." I snickered, and nodded my head. Gwen's bike was based on an old flying machine, but she added several twists to it. "Spooky, yet, practical. Well done!" 

Duncan's bike was designed like a motorbike, only with pedals. It also, strangely, had a skull on the front with some wires poking out of it. "Wicked Mad Max-mobile, dude." Lindsay's bike was a replica of her dream bike. It had a pink horse head on the front, and she even insisted Dad rang the bell. It was a normal bike bell. "The real bike has sound effects like this." She imitated a horse neighing, as I smiled at her innocence.

DJ's bike was a simple one, wood, pedals, normal stuff in a makeshift bike. Nothing stood out about it, and he had somehow changed from a normal bike helmet, into a knight's helmet. He also padded himself with pillows, oven mitts, and an old-fashioned drying rack. Dad called it lame, although, in my opinion, simplicity is often better. 

When Dad got to Geoff's bike, he instantly admired it. "Now, this is a hot rod. Nice!" It had a drawing of Bridgette on the front, to which I sighed.

"Okay. I get Geoff's super upset about Bridgette and all, but... putting her on the front of a bike? I'm not sure how she would feel about that, dude."

"I call her... Bridgette." He cried.

He cried in the confessional, too. "Bridgette! Bridgette, I'm sorry. I should've made them vote someone else off, I... Even though you were stinking, you were also kind of a threat because, you know, you're nice and totally athletic and hot and stuff. Forgive me, Bridgette!"

I saw that Leshawna and Izzy were missing, and pointed it out. "Hey, where's Izzy and Leshawna?" My dad noticed, and looked around. "I mean, it's their loss. 'Cause, this is where it gets good. We're gonna race these babies. Hard!" Everyone looked around, worried. Heather wasn't fazed, and I scowled at her as she walked up to Dad. "Awesome! My bike is built for speed. Right, Lindsay?" "Totally!" I shook my head at Lindsay, while she looked at me, confused. Dad chuckled. "Yeah, unfortunately, you won't be riding it, Heather. You'll be switching bikes. Yeah. Cruel twist, huh? Alrighty, then. See you at the beach."

The campers, especially DJ, were now very, very concerned. Nobody wanted to ride anybody's bike. It was supposed to be fit for them. 

- - -

We all got down onto the beach. Chef was mindlessly reading a book while holding up the flag. Dad was on his dirt bike, and I was making sure Heather didn't pull any tricks. "Okay, here's how it works. Everyone picks a name out of the helmet to see whose bike you're riding. If your bike makes it across the finish line, then you get to ride it in the final round for invincibility." Heather picked a name out, then Geoff, and so on and so forth. Lindsay looked at her piece of paper, and grinned. "Lookie, I got your bike!" 

Heather whispered to Lindsay, as I groaned. "Now, before we start, has anyone seen Leshawna or Izzy?" There was silence all around. I mumbled to myself, before giving the nod to Dad. "Okay, racers! On your marks, get set..." He made sure I was there with the hired paramedics. "Paramedics on standby... and... tread!" 

Everybody raced off, with the exception of Owen, and Heather. While Owen couldn't figure out how to get the bike to start... "Hey! Where's the pedals?" Heather was busy struggling with DJ's training wheels. She kicked them, but held her foot in pain.

[3rd Person P.O.V]

Gwen was getting dust in her face from Duncan's ride, and Duncan was seemingly unsure of how to feel about the Sunset Sally bike. "Okay. This is messed up. But... yeehaw! This is one movin' ride!" Lindsay was speeding past him, leaning forward. "I know, right?" 

DJ was worried about using Geoff's bike, but once he got the hang of it, he was riding smoothly, and safely. Geoff yelling to him from behind. "Wailing ride, huh? I used top of the line bolts!"

"Okay. So I forgot the bolts."

The bike immediately began to fall apart. The wheel came undone, and soon enough, the entire bike was in pieces. DJ screamed as he fell. Geoff raced up behind him, and crashed into the bike pile. He screamed, too, and landed next to DJ. "Ooh! Forgot... to wear... chalk." They heard squeaking coming up from behind them. Heather was pushing DJ's bike, however she was so focused on it, than she didn't see them, and crashed into them too.

Meanwhile, Owen was still trying to figure out how to start the bike. He had a moment of realization, and pulled on the skull. The bike instantly started up, and sped off, leaving a trail of dust behind. He was going incredibly fast. In fact, he was going so fast that he completely missed each and every single other biker, and raced over the finish line, leaving Chef, who was still reading, in a pile of sand. 

He then completed several laps of the island. Lindsay, Duncan and Gwen crossed the finish line, all bells ringing as they did so. Chris appeared on his motorbike, and laughed. "Yes! We have three awesome wipe-outs by Heather, Geoff, and DJ! Four invincibility race winners! Owen's fun machine, Heather's speed machine, Lindsay's Sunset Sally and Duncan's lethal weapon!"

 Duncan fearfully looked to the side, where Owen was approaching them rapidly. He was screaming, and shutting his eyes. "How do I stop this thing!?" Duncan called back to him. "Slam the hood ornament!" "Okay!" Owen did so, and the bike came to a sudden stop, throwing him off, and hitting Chef.

"Awesome finish, Owen. It's time to head on over to the TDI Motocross." Chris drove off with Lewis. Lindsay walked up to Heather. "Is this the part where you help save my butt from being voted off?" "Not yet. We have to make sure we win this part of the challenge, too. So get your A-game on!"

[Lewis' P.O.V]

Since only the finalists were competing, DJ, Geoff, Gwen and I were watching from a cliff. "You cool now?" I asked DJ, slightly concerned. "Yeah, yeah. I'm cool, man." I nodded, and turned my focus back to the campers. Owen was admiring Lindsay's bike. "Wow. Sweet wheels!" Lindsay smiled at him. "I know, right? And, P.S. I love yours!" Owen laughed. "Oh, me too. It's so much fun to ride!" Duncan pulled on Owen's ear, and whispered to him. 

Dad pulled up to the four of them. He pretended he was talking into a microphone, by echoing his voice. "Campers, welcome to the Moto, Moto, Moto Cross, Cross, Cross Challenge, Challenge, Challenge! Using your own bikes, you'll race the course, avoiding hidden pitfalls. Cue the death traps!" Chef pulled out a remote. "There's dodging the land mines! Manoeuvring through the oil slick... and finally, jumping the piranhas!" It was safe to say that nobody wanted to do this. "Oh, and one more thing. First one to cross wins invincibility. Last one to cross gets voted off the island. No bonfire, do not pass go, do not collect a marshmallow."

Lindsay gasped. I didn't hear what Heather was saying to Lindsay, but I heard what Lindsay was saying to Heather. "Uh-huh...? ...O-Okay... Wait. Then you'll win, not me!" "Exactly." Heather said with a smirk. Lindsay shyly smiled. "I was thinking it would be really fun if I won a challenge for myself for once!" Heather shook her head. "Yeah, that's a great idea in theory, but then who would come up with all the new strategies to get us through the next week?" Lindsay hesitantly replied. "Mm... Right... Okay!"

"So, in my eyes, Lindsay is purposely throwing all of her chances of winning out the window, because Heather is gaslighting her, and manipulating her! There's no way she'll win the money like that."

"Don't worry. If the piranhas don't eat you, then you'll definitely be second, which means Owen or Duncan gets voted off and we make it through another bonfire ceremony." 

"Heather's really smart! I'm lucky to have her as a friend."

"I have no way of knowing she'll come in second. The only thing that's really important is that I come in first. Invincibility is everything."

"I can almost taste the marshmallows. Can't you, Lindsay?" Lindsay happily licked her lips. "Mm... Yes!" "Racers! Take your positions! And... go!"

They were all doing well. Owen went over a hill slowly, only to be thrusted into the air by a landmine. He screamed, and was heading straight for Chef again. Although, this time, he ducked and avoided Owen. He found Owen's problem somewhat funny, but got hit by a wheel from his bike.

Duncan avoided the landmines surprisingly well, but didn't do so good at the oil slick. He slipped, and got covered in oil. Lindsay, who was hit by a landmine, flew through the air, and behind Duncan. Luckily, her bike came equipped with a mop, so she could make a path in the oil. Heather followed the clear path, and came behind Lindsay.

Lindsay hit the brakes when she came to the piranha pool, and avoided them, but she got stuck on the other side of the pool, letting Heather get through. Heather pressed a button on her bike, and she sped up, somewhat impossibly. She flew over Lindsay, and landed across the finish line. Chef waved the flag, signalling that Heather had won.

Me and Gwen called out in unison. "No!" I groaned. "You have GOT to be kidding me!" Gwen crossed her arms. "That is so totally not fair!" I got up, and walked over to where Dad was. 

Dad didn't care. "And we have our winner! Heather!" Lindsay rushed over to us, and hugged Heather. "Yay! You won! We did it, we're safe!" I scoffed, while Dad shook his head. "That's not exactly true. Heather is safe because her bike crossed the line first, but since Duncan and Owen wiped out and didn't complete the race..." Duncan slipped on the oil when he tried to get up. Owen twitched on the ground, and was covered in ash. "...they technically didn't cross the line at all. Which makes you the last one to cross the line. Which means it's Dock of Shame time, baby."

"Come on, man! You have got to be joking!" I glared at Heather, while she smirked at me. Lindsay shook her head. "Okay. I'm so confused." Heather smiled. "It means I can't save you unless I give you my invincibility. But, I can't do that. Too risky. You understand." Lindsay raised a brow. "But... I won? I even built your bike!" I nodded in agreement. "Yeah!" Heather laughed nervously. Geoff, DJ and Gwen were watching the entire thing. "I don't know what she's talking about. You should just leave with your dignity intact. It will make you seem much more cuter in the instant replays." 

Now, THAT is just horrible. Gwen gasped. "But, we were going to the final three together!" Heather shrugged. "Guess we're not." Lindsay furrowed her brows. "Aren't you even sad? We're BFF's!" Heather scoffed. "Yeah, for the contest. I mean, it's not like we're gonna be best friends for life, or anything." I furrowed my brows in response to this.

"I can't believe she just said that!" Lindsay spoke, obviously hurt.

"I can't believe you just said that! But, we pinkie swore! You mean, I've been helping you all this time, and you didn't even like me?!" "Uh, truth?" Lindsay nodded anxiously. "Not really, no." Lindsay then gasped.

"It's coming. I can feel it coming! She's gonna do it!" I said, cheering Lindsay on.

"What? We're not here to make friends. We're here to become celebrities. Remember?" Duncan shook his head. "Ooh, that's cold, brah." Heather scoffed again. "Oh, like you're such a team player. All you do is go around scaring the crap out of everyone." Duncan yelled. "At least I'm straight with people!" Heather rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I have invincibility. No one can touch me." Lindsay looked towards me. My eyes widened, and a small smile grew on my face. I nodded silently, as Lindsay turned back around.

"You really are mean! And all that bad stuff people say about you is true. Like how you're a two-faced, back-stabbing lying little-" 

Although this was censored, and I can not repeat the things Lindsay had said to Heather, it was good. It was so, so good. It was amazing! She stuck her middle finger up at Heather. My eyes widened, as a massive grin plastered my face. Hell, even Chef was surprised at the stuff she was saying. Heather was shocked. 

"I always told them they were wrong. I stood up for you, because I thought we were BFF's! But, they're right! You really are a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little-" 

Another censor. Dad and I shared the massive grin. The other campers were absolutely shaken by the things Lindsay was saying. It was that bad. No, it was that good!

"And, guess what!? I don't wanna be BFF's anymore! I'd rather spend the day staring at Owen's butt than go shopping with you! And, P.S. Your shoes are tacky!" 

Heather gasped, and I finally let out the laugh I had been holding in. "WOO! GO, LINDSAY!" Owen, DJ, Gwen, and Geoff all laughed. "Yeah, you tell her!" Heather folded her arms, and stormed off. "Go... jump in the piranha pool!"

At least we knew where Leshawna and Izzy were now. Leshawna's screams filled the air as she came flying off a cliff. "Woah! Get me off of this thing!" She screamed again, and landed in the lake.

"I don't know what came over me. Oh, wait. Yes, I do! Heather's a total [censored] !"

- - - 

Lindsay was saying goodbye to everybody. "Thanks for all your support, Greta. I love you, Laquisha." Leshawna smiled at Lindsay. "Take care, girlfriend. If it makes you feel better, we would've kept you on." Lindsay smiled back. "Really? Thanks..." She stopped in front of me, and grinned. "Thanks, Liam. Go show Heather how much of a guy you really are. You're the best." My voice trembled. "Lindsay...!" I hugged her. "I've been waiting for one of you to say that all season...!" I pulled away from the hug, but Owen pulled Lindsay into another one, and sobbed.

I sniffled, and rubbed my eyes. "Bye, guys! See you at the finale! Aww... I think I'm gonna miss you the most." She smiled at Owen. "Me too! Bye!" Lindsay stopped smiling when she got to Heather. "Good luck, Heather. I hope you get everything your karma owes you. Okay. I'm ready."

She stepped onto the Boat of Losers, and sailed off with Dad.

Chapter Text

The remaining campers were watching a movie with me. It was a horror movie. We did it the night of Lindsay's elimination, mainly because Duncan was in the mood. Izzy put her hands on her head, as her eyes widened. "He's coming out of the woods with a big hacky chainsaw! That's so cool!" Owen backed down a little. "Oh, no! Psycho killer man's going for the car!" I rolled my eyes at him.

"Yo! Fool couple! Stop makin' out, and start the car!" Leshawna threw popcorn at the screen. Izzy grinned. "They're gonna be chainsaw sushi!" Owen stood up and yelled, terrified. The girls in the car screamed. "Great Canadian cheese! Now the car won't start!" DJ had a tight hold on my hand. I knew he was scared, that's why I sat next to him. "Oh, man... I hate scary movies." I nodded in acknowledgement. Izzy was only feeding into this. "Run! The psycho's gonna getcha!" DJ gasped, and cowered into me. I raised an eyebrow at Duncan, who crossed his arms at DJ.

I put a hand on his shoulder, and patted it gently. Gwen grinned. "Here comes the blood fest!" The chainsaw hacked right through the couple, and the two daughters in the backseat. Owen gasped, and covered his eyes. I have to admit, this was a little strong. Even for me. Gwen laughed. "Yeah! Right on!" Duncan laughed, too. "Gross!" Izzy nodded. "Aw, the chainsaw psycho's going back to the woods! He's getting away!" 

The movie then ended. "Yeah! Good ending! Izzy loves scary movies!" "So does Owen." I hadn't even noticed how far DJ was into me. He was practically in my arms, like a baby. He then stood up, and shook his head. "Whoo. Am I ever glad that's over. I really hate scary movies." "Oh yeah? What scares you most? The, uh, part where everyone meets a grizzly death? Or the psycho killer with the hook?!" He pulled out the hook. DJ screamed, and hugged me tightly again. Everybody laughed at him. I yelled while rubbing DJ's back. "DUNCAN!" 

DJ shook his head. "Dude. That was not cool!"

Duncan laughed. "What? It's funny." Gwen walked up to us. "Aw, c'mon, Deej. For a slasher flick, it was pretty tame." Duncan nodded in agreement. "Yeah. There was hardly any hacking. Not like Bloodbath 2: Summer Camp Reign of Terror!" Gwen gasped. "No way! That's my favourite movie! I love when the killer jams that guy's hand into the lawnmower!" DJ pressed into me a bit more. "Ha! Or when he pushes the chick off the dock, and then she lands on a propeller blade that slices her in half!?" He swung his hand down. "Or when he shoves that big dude's head inside the wood chipper!"

I sat up, and took DJ's hand. "Okay! That's enough! DJ's had quite enough of blood and horror tonight. Okay?" "Fine." Duncan rolled his eyes. Heather clicked her tongue, and tilted her head. "Aww. Looks like Gwen and Duncan have more in common than just bad fashion sense. Plus, it's just mindless guts and gore." Gwen glared. "Horror movies aren't mindless." Duncan nodded. "Yeah. They're loaded with psychological trauma! Just look at DJ!"

I rolled my eyes, as DJ trembled. "Whatever. Does anyone have any idea what our challenge will be this week?" Geoff shrugged. "Yeah. Where's the Chris-Meister?" He shoved more popcorn into his face. I heard a boat engine start up. All of us walked over to the dock, where Chef was lugging bags onto a boat. 

Duncan raised an eyebrow. "Hey, yo, Chef! Where's the fire?" He did not give us an answer, and instead ran onto the boat, scared. I furrowed my brows as the boat drove away. There was a singular bag on the dock. I felt my phone buzz, and I didn't want to check it around all these people.

I backed off, and then checked it. It was a message from Dad.

- - -

The Host with the Most  😎

- - -

your not gonna acc die
-

you're*

uh
-
weird thing to mention
-
okay👌

- - -  

Well... strange... 

I put my phone away. I walked back over to the campers, where they were reading a newspaper. I checked it out, and read it aloud. "Escaped psycho killer on the loose. Be on the lookout for a man wearing a hockey mask with a hooked hand and carrying a chainsaw...?" Izzy laughed. "Hah! He's on the loose!" I raised an eyebrow, and dug through the bag.

Why would he randomly leave like that? Is this a challenge? "Oh, come on! They don't expect us to fall for this. Scary movie followed by hasty exit followed by strategically placed lame prop?" Heather's got a point. Oh. Oh, no. "Puh-lease! It's all a part of their little stunt to freak us out." I grabbed it, and stood up.

"If this was really a stunt... I don't think my dad would leave behind his branded hair gel..." Everybody but Heather gasped. "Whoa. This is for real!" Gwen said anxiously. "So let me get this straight. Chris left us for dead and now we're alone while that escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw is on the loose?" I looked at DJ, anxiously, before shaking my head. Duncan smirked. "No. We're alone while that escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook is on the loose!"

DJ screamed. I growled, and glared at Duncan. "Stop it, dude. It wasn't even funny the first time!" Leshawna scoffed. "Neither is his Chicken Little routine! Get a grip, bro!" DJ cleared his throat. "I can't help it. I feel like we're being watched." Heather shrugged. "Duh. It's a reality show. We're always being watched." I rubbed my chin, and looked around for any sign of the interns. There were no interns. "Okay. Look. It doesn't matter if this is real or a challenge. We need a game plan." DJ hurriedly agreed, while I began to walk off. "Woah, woah! First rule of slasher films! Never go off alone!" I turned my head to Gwen. "Mm... fine."

I walked back to them. Heather rolled her eyes. "I might actually listen to you if I were in a movie. We're being punked. You're so gullible. Hey! Chris! If you're listening, next time, rent one that takes place at a summer camp! If you losers wanna hang around and play 'boogie man', go ahead. But, I have got a date with exfoliation." Heather stormed off. Izzy giggled. "And the bossy mean chick seals her fate." She imitated a chainsaw, while Owen gulped. "Wow. You're really good at sound effects." Gwen sighed. "I say we go back to camp and talk strategy. Who's in?"

- - -

We all sat around the bonfire. Gwen paced back and forth, stating the rules to us. "Okay. Rule number one, do not go off on your own. Rule number two, if you do go off on your own, never go in the woods! Rule number three, if you do go in the woods, never ever ever make out in the woods or you will die in the woods! Where's Izzy and Owen?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Breaking rule one through three." I rolled my eyes.

- - -

"DJ wanted to take a leak, but got scared, so took Geoff. Izzy and Owen are currently dead, and Heather is either doing a facial, or flirting with the psycho. Anymore questions?" I folded my arms, and raised an eyebrow. "Yes... how on Earth do you know that?!" Gwen said, with widened eyes. "I pay attention to detail. Anyway... we really aren't going to survive either way, so... I'm living out my final moments alone. See ya."

I walked off. I had already found out the killer was Chef, and he was taking them to the infirmary tent. They weren't getting hurt, it was just where they could hide from the other, unsuspecting players. It didn't take me very long to figure out.

I grabbed my journal and headed off. I sat down on the cabin steps, just doodling, like I would do with Gwen. 

Out of nowhere, I saw 'the killer' coming towards me. I immediately got up. "Hey, Chef! I need your opinion. Come here." I sat him down on the steps, and sat next to him. "So. Do you think I should draw you with sunglasses? Just 'cause, I wanna make you look cool." He didn't respond to me, strangely. "Hm... You're right. You're already cool. You don't need sunglasses." I thought of what to say, just cause I didn't want to make this awkward.

"Wait, have you already caught everybody? I mean, if you did, you must've beaten a record, or something. Not that that should be a record. I'm just... saying." 

"When I'm alone with any of my dads, I can let my guard down around them. I mean, it's not awkward, or anything, 'cause they know what I'm like."

"But, even if you haven't caught anybody, I'm glad you want to spend time with me. Make sure Dad doesn't catch you, though. He'd be mad if you stopped mid-challenge." I rambled on while drawing, and I didn't even notice he got up to leave. "Oh, were you just taking a break? Cool. Good luck!" I waved him off, and resumed my stuff.

[Time Skip - 1 Hour]

I had filled the two pages to the brim with sketches and writing. I didn't usually document challenges, but this one was just special. I mean, a whole horror movie set up, a fake killer, a fake newspaper, even Dad surrendered his hair gel for this challenge. I couldn't not write it down. Or else, nobody would believe it.

Chef came back. I raised my head, and saw him. "Oh, hey. Are you done now? 'Cause, I got somethin' cool to show you." Despite that, I got picked up by him. "Um, okay... Where are we going?" No response. "I understand. Anyway, I just can't wait to show you the detail I've been getting tonight. It's, like, if I was in a real horror movie!" I got let down at a table in the cafeteria for some reason, and then he started approaching Gwen.

I raised an eyebrow. She was calmly eating a plate of sandwiches, and didn't even notice he was there until he started breathing heavily. "I wasn't born yesterday, dude. Please. We watch a scary movie with an escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook, and here you are, running around." I walked up to her. "Hey, Gwen." "Oh, 'sup, Lewis?" "Nothing much. I just got taken here by him, so... yeah." She laughed, and I sat down on the table in front of her.

She continued talking to Chef. "Okay. I know actors without speaking parts don't get paid much, but seriously, dude. Invest in a dental plan and some toothpaste!" She stood up. I gasped. "Gwen! That's rude! Be nice to him." "Uh, okay? You want a sandwich before you impale me with your big, scary hook?" He shook his head, and I nodded. "Thank you." Gwen picked up a sandwich, and I took one, too. "Okay. look. You can drop the charade, okay? I know you're an actor with a hook prop. And frankly, you're not that scary."

I took a bite out of my sandwich, while everybody suddenly burst through the door. "He's the real escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook!" I instantly dropped my sandwich, and stood up. "HE'S WHAT!?" Gwen seemed confused. "What?" The killer growled, and immediately got pummelled in the face by Gwen. The mask fell off, and he held his chin in pain. 

"Ow!" He had a very... 'flamboyant'... voice. "Oh, that was totally uncalled for! Man, I am so out of here!" He walked past everybody. "I was treated way better in prison!" I was stuttering, and trying to get out words. In general, I was trying to process what happened, really. Mainly the fact I thought he was CHEF. So... yeah.

DJ fainted, while Gwen and Duncan high-fived. Everybody dispersed, but me and Dad stayed in the cafeteria. "He didn't hurt you, right? He didn't try to kill you?" He rapidly checked me for any injuries or pains. I laughed nervously. "No... A-Actually, quite the opposite. He didn't lay a finger on me." Dad looked at me, confused. "What?" "I... don't know myself. I guess he just couldn't do it."

- - -

We all gathered around the Dock of Shame. "Well it's obvious to everyone that Gwen wins invincibility. And sadly, it's equally unanimous that DJ walk the Dock of Shame. Since he was the only one who screamed and bolted without the escaped psycho killer even being there. But... no hard feelings, dude. You will be missed." Dad pat DJ on the shoulder.

There is no way... he can't lose! Owen smiled. "Aw... group hug!" Everybody hugged DJ, and I hesitantly joined. I was holding back genuine tears. Even Heather was hugging him. I didn't want DJ to go. He was the only person that was nice to me the entire competition that I had left. He couldn't... "Lewis, Geoff, dudes." I looked up at DJ, but Geoff answered. "Yeah, man?" He handed me Bunny. He isn't doing this to me. "Take care of Bunny 'til you come visit." I looked down at the rabbit in my hands. "O-Okay...!" My voice trembled as I spoke. I watched him walk off, and get into the boat with his stuff.

Everybody saw him off. "Bye, DJ!" "Bye!" "See you soon!" Then, everybody headed to bed. So, it was just me and Geoff on the dock.

"You okay, dude?" He put a hand on my shoulder. "N-No... I am n-not okay." My eyes hurt. I didn't want to keep the tears from falling, but I had to, until I got some peace. I could not mentally feel like this every single time someone I cared about got voted off. It is not good for me.

Chapter Text

"So, like... how do you look after Bunny, bro?" Geoff didn't pay attention when DJ took care of him. Luckily, I did. "Well, he does eat the sludge Chef feeds you guys. So, if you just give him that, we should be fine. Berries and stuff might be good every so often, too. Are you writing this down?" Surprisingly, he was. I noticed Owen's poor attempts at trying to apologize to Izzy. It was because he pushed her into Chef when they were getting chased yesterday.

"Aw, settle down, Owen. You were- Uh... Owen?" I couldn't find him anywhere. Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Wasn't there a 300 pound bag of joy talking to you?" I heard something, and looked up. "Oh. There you are." "I'm only 296! Someone set a trap." Another trap then fell on everybody but me and Geoff. We stayed a bit further away. "Or... two." I rolled my eyes. "Wow. Great instinct there, pal." 

Dad approached the cage, and I noticed he had a beaver on his head. "Good morning, campers! Or should I say... trappers? Ready for today's challenge? Excellent. Then let's chat about it over chow. Shall we?" I chuckled, and pointed at the beaver. "What's with the hat?" "It was for the introduction." He began to walk away. "He's coming back to untrap us. Right?" Dad threw a knife, and Owen fell on top of the cage. The door to the cage then opened with a creak.

- - -

"You're joking me." I looked at the bowls, unimpressed. Gwen tried to take her spoon out of the bowl, grunting as she did so. "Paste?" I looked at Geoff, who shared the exact thought. "I guess we're going natural, then." I nodded in agreement, and pet Bunny on the head.

"Campers. There are only seven of you left on Total Drama Island. After tonight's dramatic bonfire ceremony, only six of you will remain. We're nearing the end people, so look alive!"

Duncan was relaxed at first. "What are my chances of winning? I'd say they're pretty darn great because anyone who doesn't vote for me is a dead man." He slammed his fist into his palm, and pointed at the camera. "Are you listening out there, all of you who have been kicked off? If you don't vote for me, I'll find you!"

"All these people have been so good to me. Apart from Heather. I just wish I can see them again sometime after the show ends." I sighed.

"I am so stoked! The final seven, and I'm going all the way, dudes! Woohoo!" He cheered happily. "I think I got a good shot at winning. Heck, I won student council president two years running, and I didn't even give a speech! I can do this, man. Woohoo!"

"Today's challenge involves making like our province's great rangers and game wardens. You'll each have eight hours to trap an animal." Duncan held up Owen's hand. "Got one!" I scoffed at him. Dad was unimpressed. "A wild animal. Which... you must bring back to the campfire, unharmed. Rangers and game wardens often have to relocate animals for their own good, and the good of the campers." 

Geoff and Leshawna started fighting over the paste, pulling it back and forth. Gwen crossed her arms. "For my good? I might have to barbecue my animal. I'm starving to death!" The two continuously fought over the paste. "Geoff, just sit down. You've already got a full bowl." Leshawna and Geoff pulled it so hard that it split in half, and sent them flying to both ends of the cafeteria. Dad smiled. "Funny you should mention that, Gwen. Reward for winning today's challenge is a meal of all of your favourite foods!"

Heather smirked. "I am so winning." I clicked my tongue. "Aw... Without your pawn? I don't think so." She glared, before pushing her bowl away. Owen pointed at it. "So, you're not gonna eat that?" 

"I can't believe I'm in the final seven! Can you imagine me, winning?! Haha! That would be awesome! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Everyone else here totally deserves it more than I do, though. Except Heather. She's really mean. I'm not afraid of her though." You could hear Heather yelling Owen's name. He screamed out in fear. She then asked if he was almost finished. "Just about done..."

Dad held a hat full of names, while everybody lined up. "Everyone, choose an animal assignment!" Owen got a chipmunk. Leshawna got a frog. Duncan got a raccoon. Gwen got a duck. Geoff got a beaver. Izzy got a deer, which she was clearly very happy about. Heather got a... "BEAR?! Are you kidding me?!" Dad shrugged. "It's the only animal left." She scoffed, and crossed her arms. "These degenerates get cute little froggy and wee baby ducky and I'm supposed to trap a bear with my bare hands?!" I shook my head, while Dad answered. "You get sixty seconds in the boathouse to gather any equipment that might help."

"The upper level is off-limits. That's MY space." I pointed specifically at Heather, who rolled her eyes. "Unless there's an animal trainer and a zebra carcass in there, I don't think it'll be adequate. This is ridiculous!" Dad raised an eyebrow. "I don't think I've mentioned the penalty yet." She stormed past us. "I don't care. I'll take it." Me and Dad looked at each other. I shrugged. "Loser cleans the communal washrooms." Heather froze up, as I blinked. The other campers gasped, while Owen laughed nervously.

"Sorry. I think I ate too much of that delicious paste." He farted, and I rolled my eyes. I am honestly used to that by now. "Alright, campers. You have just one minute in the boathouse to grab your critter catching gear."

- - -

Everybody was collecting stuff. They were digging through crates, bags, anything dangerous they could get their hands on. Although, I specifically remember the rule being the animal had to come out unharmed. Everyone walked out the boathouse with crates and stuff, and some were stranger than others. Gwen raised an eyebrow at Duncan. "Uh, you're gonna trap a raccoon with a sledgehammer?" Heather folded her arms. "You may wanna rethink that." He dropped it, and took out a chainsaw instead. "Ah. Thanks for the tip."

Meanwhile, Gwen and Heather resumed fighting over a net. They both fell over, and Gwen tried getting it by hitting Heather on the head. Owen got some junk. "I've got paper towels! Yeah!" Geoff pulled out a sack. Owen nodded. "A burlap sack? You should patent that!" Although everyone was already outside, Dad called to them. "Ten seconds remaining!" Izzy giggled, and claimed a bunch of stuff, even though she didn't even know what was inside the boxes. Dad was loving her enthusiasm. "Excuse me! Pardon! Comin' through!" 

Duncan raised an eyebrow, as Izzy pushed through. "Is that legal? Can she just-" He was knocked over by Gwen and Heather, who were still arguing over the net. They fell over again, and Gwen landed beside some duck food. "Duck bait? Yeah, that'll work." She grabbed the bait, and let go of the net. Heather fell backwards, into a bucket. "I think there's still fish in here!" Gwen walked away, holding the container of duck bait, and an aquarium net. "The net's all yours. And, P.S. It'll never hold a bear."

"I don't know. I guess I have a chance? Let's put it this way. If I didn't think I could win, do you really think I'd be in this... dump? Putting up with the revolting food, giant bugs, and cameras in your face all day is one thing! But, Heather? Only a hundred thousand dollars could make me live with her." Gwen rolled her eyes, and folded her arms.

Heather was filing her nails. "I assume I'm the favourite to win. I mean, look who's left! Weird goth girl, a criminal, a fart machine, a party dude, a psycho hose beast, and... Leshawna. And, the only thing she has going for her is that she hasn't made any enemies. Woop-de-doo! Well, I can say that we're not here to make friends, Leshawna. We're here to win." She snapped her nail file in half. "And that, is exactly what I plan on doing."

Izzy was throwing several things she found, looking for the perfect tool. "'Kay, bobbin' thingies, old sandwich, stick, big nasty hook... Aw, score! Tranquilizer gun! Guys, look!" I took a worried step forward. "Uh, Izzy... You might wanna aim that away from people. It's a loaded gun." She laughed, and nodded. Dad cleared his throat. "Everybody ready?" Everyone but Heather said yes. "Great. Game on!"

"See, now Heather, she was my competition. And... as much as it made me wanna hurl... I knew I had to get on her good side." Duncan hesitantly spoke.

"You can borrow my chainsaw after I'm done." Duncan held up his chainsaw. Heather scowled. "Great! The bear can use it to skin me alive after he's finished mauling me! Thanks!" I shook my head at Duncan, who looked down at Heather. "Well, I did pick something up that might help you." "Why would you wanna help me?" "Yeah, Duncan. Why would you wanna help her?" I looked at him, giving him a glare. "Because if you team up with me, I'll take you to the final two." Heather rolled her eyes. "Not interested!" He shrugged, and walked away. "Suit yourself." "I usually do." He whispered to me as he walked past. "She'll be back. Just wait."

"Uh, last time I checked, ducks waddled." Gwen raised an eyebrow."

Leshawna smiled confidently. "I think I got as good a shot of winning as anyone else, and I'm not gonna let anythin' stand in my way, y'all. I just gotta keep winning invincibility so that... cow Heather can't vote me off. Manipulative pain in my butt's been trying to get rid of me for weeks! She'll see." 

"Now, uh... How exactly are we going to handle Izzy with a tranq gun?" I asked, as I walked with Dad. "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." I put a hand in front of Dad, and he stopped. "You almost got hit with a dart. Izzy! Watch it!" I yelled into the forest, and I knew she was watching. "Sorry, guys!" She ran off, and I groaned. 

"Oh, my gosh. I should totally win! Okay, so, like, you know that time I dressed up as a bear and, like, scared everyone, and I was like, 'Rahh!' and they were like, 'Ahh! Save me!' Well, if someone else dressed up as a bear, and it wasn't me, I totally wouldn't have been scared! I would've known, which makes me smarter than they are. Oh, right, did I meant I have an IQ of 188? Because, I do! Haha!" Izzy rambled on, and on.

Heather was pacing back and forth in front of the bonfire. "A bear. A bear?! I mean, how on Earth am I supposed to catch a bear?!" I furrowed my brows. "I mean... you could just be nice to it. But, I'm guessing that's not your policy..." "Shut it, dweeb!" I heard Gwen yelling. "Open the cage! Open the cage!" I kicked open the cage door, as a duck ran in. "Yes! I win the dinner! Yeah, bring me duck soup! Peking duck! Duck a l'Orange! Chocolate mousse! Uh, wait. No. Chocolate duck. I win!" I shut it, and nodded at Gwen. Then, Duncan came running in, screaming. "Open the cage!"

Duncan had a raccoon on his head, and it was nearly scratching his eyes out. I took it, and dropped it in the cage gently, then shut the door. "Ha! Whaddaya think of that?!" Duncan pointed at it. Heather crossed her arms. "Gwen won already." Gwen laughed, and called out. "Hey, host man! Bring on the chow!" Over the loudspeaker, Dad responded. "Don't forget. Last camper to catch their critter cleans the washrooms!" 

Duncan smirked, and eyed Heather. "Well, I've got nothing better to do. I could help you bag a bear... 'deer'." He pulled out some fake deer antlers. "That was a horrible pun. But, inventive." I laughed at Duncan, while Heather scoffed.

"He's evil, manipulative, sketchy, and completely unpredictable. I like the way he thinks. And, since I'm seriously in the market for a new alliance, bring on Mr. Delinquent."

"Yo, Lewis, man. I'm gonna go bag a deer. Look after Bunny while I'm at work, bro." Geoff handed me Bunny. "You got it." I took him, and Geoff ran off. 

"So... I guess we're really taking this whole 'foster parent' thing seriously, then. There's nothing wrong with that! So, Geoff's the dad, and I'm... also a dad. We agreed on that."

"Yeah, genius runs in my family, and psychotherapy. Uh-huh. Once at my family barbecue, my uncle cut off his ear with a steak knife to emulate Van Gogh because he's, like, all artistic, but he chickened out and only cut half of it off. And it was just, like, hanging there. It was so gross! I swear, I think some of it ended up in my salad."

"It's what they call a win-win. She succeeds, and I have an alliance. She loses, and she gets eaten by a bear." Duncan smirked, and played with his knife.

Dad walked over, and checked his watch. Gwen was sitting at a fancy dinner table, rubbing her hands together, and licking her lips. He was resting up by the cage. "Wow. That all looks good!" I gave an uncertain look to Dad, but quickly brushed it off. I heard Geoff yelling, and struggling. "Open the cage!" Dad did so, and he was carrying a dam. Like, with... three whole beavers in it. "Hey, man, impressive! And, no rabies!" Dad nodded. Leshawna came covered in mud, and with a frog. "Ugh. I'm going... to take... a shower."

"So, dude. Was Bunny cool while I wasn't there?" "Oh, yeah. He was fine." I showed Geoff the safe rabbit in my hands, and he nodded. "Cool, dude." Dad stopped the small talk. "Congratulations, you guys." Gwen got all the food delivered to her, and smirked. "Huh. I guess they're just jealous."

*insert Duncan laughing here*

Geoff and Leshawna walked away, and while Dad stood by Gwen, I sat by the cage in case any other contestants decided to arrive tonight. "So, what are you having first?" "I don't even know where to start." Owen cane running towards us, chasing a squirrel. "Lewis! Open the cage!" I did so, but he completely missed the cage, went around Gwen's table, then, went through Gwen's table, ruining all the food, and finally got it into the cage. He panted, and for some reason, got into the cage, too.

"Close the cage! Close the cage!" I raised an eyebrow. "You... sure?" "Close it!" He yelled, and I reluctantly did so. He noticed all the other animals around him, and spoke to them as if they were babies. "Why, hello, ducky! Oh, and what a nice little raccoon you are. Next to the sweet beavers." He laughed, and they all attacked him. He screamed, and helplessly tried getting them off. "I'm the naturalist!"

[Time Skip - 3 Hours]

It was now night time. Everyone was around the bonfire, and Heather was strapped to a wheeler. I don't know why. Maybe it was the tranq dart in her butt, maybe it was Izzy's incompetence, hey, maybe it was both! Duncan was snickering, and I rolled my eyes.

"Y'know, Duncan is starting to get on my nerves."

"You, uh, sure you don't wanna go to the infirmary to get your... butt dart removed?" Heather slurred her words. "Not until psycho hose beast goes down." "You've all cast your votes and made you decision. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the Dock of Shame to catch the Boat of Losers and leave. That means you're out of the contest. And you can't come back. Ever."

"One thing I'll be happy to never see again? Chef's food." Gwen said.

"Definitely the food." Leshawna nodded.

"The food." Duncan frowned.

"That is the rankest-"

"Stankiest-"

"Nastiest-"

"Grossest-"

"Oldest-"

"Moldiest-"

"Blandest-"

"Baddest-"

"Most disgusting slop I have ever had to eat. Oh, and the bathrooms?" Heather scoffed.

Leshawna's eyes widened. "Can you see those stalls?"

Gwen crossed her arms. "I don't think they've been cleaned in-"

"-Thirty five years!"

"Wowee, they stink!"

Oh, and I mean stink!" 

"I've honestly really enjoyed my time here. The people here are so nice, the forests are great, the animals are cool... I guess other people might think differently, though..."

"The first marshmallow goes to... Geoff. Owen. Leshawna. Duncan. Heather. One marshmallow, two players. Izzy, Gwen. One of you has spent your last night on Total Drama Island." Heather slurred her words again. "Just give it to Gwen already." Dad shrugged, and threw it to Gwen. Izzy stood up, grinning. "Well, we've all gotta go sometime, right?" Owen shyly raised his hand. "You could make out with me, first. If that would... cushion the blow...?" 

Izzy completely ignored him. "Goodnight, everybody! Thanks for comin' out!" She threw down a smoke bomb, and disappeared. Owen gasped, while I whispered to Heather. "Being the loser, you realize you still have some unfinished business..." Heather groaned, and looked at Duncan. "Duncan, I require your services." He scoffed, and pushed Heather to the washrooms.

Chapter Text

I stood by Owen's bed with the other guys. I needed to wake him up. "Owen, dude." He was snoring, and sleep talking. "Mm... Cheese..." I raised an eyebrow. Ain't no way I stayed up till 2:00AM listening to this living toxic gas machine talk about cheese, and now, he won't even get up. "Owen!" Still, he was completely ignorant. 

"Well, what should we do?" Duncan asked me, folding his arms. "I don't know... wake him up with Chef's disgusting food? I've been up all night listening to him. You come up with something." Then, all of a sudden, I could hear Dad's helicopter. I yawned, and walked outside to the sight of it.

Leshawna, Heather and Gwen all stormed out of their cabin, angrily. "Keep it down out there!" Gwen raised an eyebrow. "What's going on out here?" As if a miracle occurred, Owen stuck his head out the window. "Is that the doughnut-copter?" I scoffed. "No, Owen. It's not." Dad yelled down from his helicopter. 

"Welcome back to Total Drama Island! Over the past six weeks, we’ve watched sixteen campers push themselves to the limit! And they get their butts kicked off the island by their fellow campers! Sucks to be you! Ezekiel. Eva. Noah. Justin. Katie. Tyler. Izzy. Cody. Beth. Sadie. Courtney. Harold. Eva again. Trent. Bridgette. Lindsay. DJ. And Izzy, again." I had totally forgotten about Ezekiel. I wonder if he's actually thought about his actions. I dunno. I'll just have to wait until the jury vote tomorrow, when I get to see the losers.

"Only six campers remain. And after six weeks of bugs, crappy camp food, and even grosser bathrooms, our six finalists are about this close to losing it. We strove to come up with the best way to help the campers destress, then decided it would be way more fun to handcuff them together and see if we couldn’t push them over the edge." Heather crossed her arms, and glared at Dad. "Did Duncan's parole officer send a care package?" Dad shook his head, as he held up the handcuffs. "Nah, all in the name of today's challenge: 'The Tri-Armed Triathlon'!"

Owen raised an eyebrow. "Tri-armed? Like... Three arms?" Dad grinned. "Yes! Three challenges, three teams of two, three arms per team." Heather growled. "Have you MET these people? I am not being chained to any of them!" Dad couldn't get rid of his grin. "Winning team members both get invincibility from tonight's vote."

"Six long weeks... I just... I don’t know how much more of this I can take. The person who’s creasing me the most? I'd say Geoff. The guy is in a permanently good mood. No one is always in a good mood! And, if he says 'dude', or, 'cool', or, eats with his mouth open one more time, I think I’m gonna seriously damage him!"

"The camp is great and all, a-and I’m seriously stoked to be here. Yeah, but... I miss my buds back home. Yo! If you’re watching, this is a shoutout to all my bros back east, man! It’s not that I don’t like everyone who’s left. They’re just kind of... downers. Except Owen, heh. That dude can party! Leshawna’s cool, but Gwen and Duncan are like, so serious, and Heather is freaking me out with all her strategy talk. I thought getting to the final six would be like a big party, but... it’s kinda heavy, man. I mean, I'm foster parenting a rabbit, bro!"

"This place is torture, man. At least in juvie, we had a half hour of television a day and they kept the lunatics locked up separately! I mean, this outhouse, this is the only place I can go for peace and quiet. Oh, and you do not wanna come in here after Owen." He inhaled sharply, and frowned. "Oh, yeah. And I don’t know what Courtney said to Leshawna, but all of a sudden, she thinks I’m a 'nice guy' or something, and she wants to be my friend. I don’t have friends. Got that?"

"Yo! This is a shoutout to all my sisters back home. What’s up, y’all? Girl, you would not believe the crazies they got up in here. But I came to win, and I’m hanging on, baby, only five more campers to go! Woo-hoo!"

"Yeah, baby!" Owen laughed. "Final six! Place at the table! Woo-hoo!" You could hear Duncan from outside telling Owen to shut up. He lowered his voice, and whispered. "It's pretty awesome to be here. I'm so psyched, dude. Woo-hoo..."

Dad and I handcuffed everyone. The pairs were Duncan and Leshawna, Heather and Owen, and Gwen and Geoff. God. I wonder how this'll go! "First of our three challenges. Competitive chow-down." Owen laughed, and rolled his eyes. "Come on! This is like a dream I had once!" Heather glared at Owen. "The donut-copter dream?" His eyes widened, as he looked at Heather. "You've had it too?" She rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms. 

"Each team will choose a feeder and an eater. Eaters must put their hands behind them, making it more difficult for the feeders." Geoff nodded while Gwen rolled her eyes, and Heather cringed away from Owen. "One last thing. This is the wimp key. A skeleton key that will open any handcuffs. You’ll be offered the wimp key at each challenge to unshackle yourselves from your teammate." He held up the key, and I immediately heard Heather gasp, and saw her look at her handcuffs. "But... if you choose to accept it, you'll both be eliminated." The smile on her face disappeared.

Gwen furrowed her brows. "Hello? How do we win this thing?" Dad grinned again. "Chef’s getting platters for each team. Title goes to the team who finishes their platter of delicacies fastest." Duncan didn't even look Leshawna in the eye while he was talking. "I'll do the chowing down." "I don't think so, scrawny, chicken leg boy." Duncan smirked at Leshawna. "Arm wrestle for it, then!" Leshawna scoffed. "You on, fool!"

I rolled my eyes at the both of them. I turned my head to Dad. "You're unusually happy today." "I am?" He said with a small laugh. "I mean, more so than usual. What's got you so perked up?" He giggled. "This challenge is gonna have a bunch of drama and arguments. It's the best idea I've ever had." I smiled as I raised an eyebrow. "I'm surprised you didn't think of it sooner." I crossed my arms, and watched the other teams shove food in each other's faces.

Duncan had his mouth full of food, and Leshawna was constantly shoving more into his face. I think she lost the arm-wrestle. "C-Could we go a little slower?" He was ignored, as more and more was stuffed into his gob. Gwen was giving Geoff a time limit to eat, although he was savouring the food. "One, two, three, open." "Oh, you gotta try this quiche!" "Open!" Owen was urging Heather to go faster. He wasn't even chewing his food, it was just going straight down his throat. "Go faster!" "They won't count it if we drop it!" 

Duncan was still in the same predicament. "Mm-! I don't...! Slow down!" And... so was Gwen... "Oh! Cheesecake's delish!" "I am not here to try the food! This is a contest!" And... so was Heather. "I'm done with the spoon-feeding. Let's work with your strengths." Except, she got herself the win by shoving the plate into Owen's face.

"The winners are... Heather and Owen!" Dad clapped his hands together, while Heather grinned. "Alright, Owen! Way to go! You are one champion eater! What a team!" Owen was just as confused as I was. "Uh... thanks?"

"Heather was really nice to me when I won the eating contest. I didn't really understand that."

"So, to all of the campers who have already left the island, I just wanna say, first of all, that I personally prefer to call you... 'winner challenged'. Secondly, I know that some of you may have thought that the strategy I used on the island was a little harsh. But I was only playing the game the best I knew how. It was never personal. I admire each and every one of you. And I hope you’ll consider that when you think about who really deserves to win. Thanks!"

"Okay, so... I've started a bet with my dad. I bet him all the interns' pay checks this month that Heather would snap at some point in this challenge. So, if I lose, he gets the money. If he loses, I get the money. You better lose, Heather Chandler!"

Heather was still sucking up to Owen. "What a team!" Owen's stomach rumbled, and he nervously spoke. "Speaking of teamwork... how are you with toilet paper?"

"Owen is revolting. If I make it out of this garbage heap alive, I will issue a restraining order on his oversized butt! No offense." She spoke to Owen, who was handcuffed beside her. "None taken." He said with a smile.

We all stood on the dock, and Dad waved the key. "Last chance for the tempting wimp key before part two?" Duncan and Leshawna quickly turned to face each other. "Dare you!" I blinked at them, before brushing it off. Owen nervously spoke again. "Look, since you and I aren't really seeing eye-to-eye on this challenge... maybe we should-" Heather scowled at him. "Shut up and focus, Owen! You're not getting out that easy!" 

"It was worth a try!" He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Heather scares me."

Geoff smiled at us. "What's the challenge, Chris?" Dad then explained. "On the beach, you will find three canoes. One for each team. Your challenge is to paddle your canoe, while wearing handcuffs..." He paused to laugh. "All the way to Boney Island. Once there, you will open a package that is waiting for you. Go!"

They raced off, and I saw my dad's smile fade for a second. I don't know what that was, but I'm ignoring it. I walked over to the canoes, where people were talking about who was doing what. I made sure to raise my voice. "Now, I don't want to hear that somebody has burnt the oars, or damaged the canoes. Got it? We just got these fixed." "Alright, bro." Geoff nodded. Duncan and Leshawna raced to a canoe, but Duncan pulled Leshawna back, causing her to gasp. "Nuh-uh. I'm riding in front, sweetheart. No arguments!" 

Leshawna glared. "Don't you pull that tough guy stuff with me, sweetheart. Why don't you just let little Leshawna sit in the front, so I can steer." Duncan scoffed. "Little? Are you kidding me? You're..." My jaw dropped, as I laughed at what I had just heard. Leshawna was less amused. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no! You do NOT wanna finish that sentence!" I snickered, and shook my head at Duncan.

I looked over to see Heather ordering Owen around like a slave, while Geoff rambled on to Heather. "Push it, big boy! Like it's a big ol' truck full of doughnuts!" "This one time, we had this massive pool part, and my buddy Jay and I decided to take our buddy's lawn and replant it in the school's foyer!" Gwen groaned. "I don't care!" "No, no, but it was like, so awesome!" She sighed, and got in her canoe.

- - -

"Welcome to the second part of the second challenge! Back in episode eight, your teammate Beth stole the Boney Island tiki doll!" My face dropped. "Do not tell me-" "She lied! She broke it up, and flushed it down the septic tank!" There was a shared reaction of disgust with all six campers.  Dad giggled again. "I know! The pieces in those packs need to be returned to the cave of treacherous terror! And, you'll wanna do a double quick, 'cause the longer you have the doll, the worse your lick! Oh, yeah, one of you has to piggyback the others!"

Geoff gasped. "Enjoy!" Dad flew away in his helicopter, leaving me with the teenagers. Dad... Owen happily bent over. "Hop on, cowgirl!" Duncan shrugged. "Well, a guy's got his limits. And, mine's about- three hundred!" He strained the number, because Leshawna jumped on him. I hurriedly jumped into action, and separated them, even though Leshawna was trying to get at Duncan's neck. "Will... you... stop that!?" I finally got them to calm down, after pushing them both over.

Geoff laughed. "Wow, heh, those two are like milk and grape juice, eh? Totally curdling each ot-" Gwen interrupted, as I eyed the two fighters. "Geoff, this is a challenge. If you-" He offered Gwen up on his back. "That's more like it!"

- - - 

I wanted to use the confessional, but, since it's in Camp Wawanakwa, on a totally different island... I cannot right now. What an absolute bore. I guess I'll just watch the campers, like how I did in the dodgeball challenge. That was when I first got the head's up that Cody... uh... no. Stop thinking about Cody, and just watch the dumb cameras.

"Oh, wow. Scope all the beauteousness here." Geoff looked around. Gwen looked at the map with furrowed brows. "Here, wait. Hang on. Are we lost? There's no beach on this map!" Geoff calmly shook his head. "Nah. I remembered it from our last trip. Isn't Mother Nature coolio?" Geoff took a picture of his surroundings, while Gwen turned around. "What?!" He then took a picture of Gwen's face, much to her surprise. "That'll totally be perfect-o for your Wawanakwa scrapbook." 

Gwen gasped angrily. "Scrapbook? Why will you not take this seriously!?" She threw the camera into the lake." Geoff sadly spoke. "What's going on with you? Are you okay?" Gwen sighed, and looked away. "Look. You don't have to pretend to be friends with me, okay? I'm fine, so just... leave me alone." Geoff put a hand on his chest. "I wasn't pretending. I- I really like you." Gwen angrily rolled her eyes. "Riiight. And, if we went to the same high school, you'd probably invite me to all your wild parties, too!" Geoff nodded, and widened his eyes in confusion. "I totally would! But, I didn't think you'd wanna go."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why not? I'm not cool enough?" Geoff shook his head, and shrugged. "No, you just seem, like, I dunno, it's not your thing, you know? You probably think parties are pretty stupid, anyway." Gwen looked away anxiously. "Well, I wouldn't know. I've never been to one." He slapped his forehead, and gasped. "Oh, snap! You've never been to a party?!" "No, okay? Sometimes, I wish I had been. That, for one day, I could be one of those happy, vapid girls, who gets along with everyone, and is all excited to eat massive amounts of sugar, and do karaoke, and cheerleading, and-"

I turned off the watch. I rested my head in my palm, as I watched the still lake. I don't think I'm ready for another challenge yet. Maybe, if I was one of those girls... "What are you thinking about?" I saw Dad come and take a seat next to me. I sighed, and shook my head. "Nothing..." "No, tell me. You're upset." I looked away. "Just something I heard Gwen say. She wanted to be one of those happy, popular girls. I was just thinking, if I was like them, then, maybe, Mom..." I stopped talking, because I felt my voice quiver. 

"No, no... You shouldn't have to think that. Especially not about her. She put you through so much hurt, and pain, and she doesn't deserve you." Dad always let his guard down around me. I don't know why. "I know, but... I just don't know what I did... wrong." I said with a sigh. I had blamed myself for years, and years. And yet, I don't know what I blamed myself for. "Well, how about we talk later? The campers are coming back." He stood up. I did too, but didn't look him in the eye as I spoke. "Alright."

- - -

Gwen scoffed. "Don't think I'm a mindless party animal just 'cause I let loose with Geoff. That guy just brings out the party in people."

"And that's a point for the Gwen and Geoff dream team!" Gwen cheered, surprisingly. She wasn't upset, like before. "Yes! That's my partner! High-five!" Her and Geoff high-fived. "So, an awesome day, huh? Mouldy food fights, carnivorous beavers... But, it's time for someone to win this thing. Point each for everyone but Leshawna and Duncan, because they both could still pull a stopper. Today's final challenge is..." 

Dad pulled off the red cover on Owen and Heather's table. There were a bunch of carved, wooden heads of the losing contestants. Owen screamed. "Relax, it's just Eva." She expressed disgust. "Oh. Two Evas. That is upsetting." I glared at her. "The totem pole of shame and humiliation. Your task? Assemble the heads in the order of which your comrades were votes out. Unless you want the wimp key! Time for heads to roll!" He blew the whistle, and everyone set off.

I sighed, and fiddled with my watch. I mean, sure it had cameras and stuff, but there was also things you could do on it. Like... check the time... or... your heart rate... Yeah. This is boring as hell. I sat up, and looked around.

Owen was admiring Justin's head. "Nice guy, Justin... Look! Even his wood carving of him is smoking hot!" Heather gasped, and looked at Owen is disgust. "I- I mean, it's a good carving! His features are so chiselled." Heather gasped again, and furrowed her brows at Owen "I mean... someone chiselled them really well!" He laughed nervously, and Heather brushed it off, and picked up the heads of Lindsay and Beth. 

I turned my head to see what Gwen and Geoff were doing. "Okay, I think Katie was voted off fifth." Geoff shook his head. "No, it was Sadie!" Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Wasn't it Katie? I can never remember!" Geoff shrugged, and put a hand to his chin. "Katie was the one who was afraid of bad haircuts. Or, was that Sadie?" Gwen yelled in confusion, and Dad walked past them.

"Let's see what our most argumentative team is up to. What's this?" He picked up Courtney's head, although Duncan looked very nervous. "Don't-!" Immediately, Dad laughed, and pointed at the back of it. I say a heart saying, C+D. I rolled my eyes, and kept watching. "It's not funny, man." "Most guys kiss girls they like. Dude carves her head!" He paused to giggle. "Mr. Tough ain't so tough-" Leshawna threw a wooden Sadie at Dad's head. He collapsed, and I raised an eyebrow as he went down.

I huffed, and brushed it off. 

"Honestly, I think I would've ended up the same if I tried to help."

Although, I did take the wimp key from him. I looked at Heather and Owen. "Ugh. Little Miss Crazy. They should've made her wear a helmet." Owen was beginning to get irritated with her. "We're not there yet." "Can you believe she's roaming the streets wild?" He got more irritated. "Can we stop talking about this?" Heather completely ignored him. "Seriously. Luckily, she's got a Little Miss Freak right there." She pointed at me. "But, she's a danger to sane people everywhere." 

Owen yelled, and shocked Heather. "THAT'S IT! Where's the wimp key!?" I held it up, as Owen started storming over to us. Heather gasped, and tried to dig her heels into the ground. "Stop!" Luckily, Dad got up, and raised his voice. Although, he seemed very... dizzy. "We have a wiener! Ladunca, and Shawananan take it! That means anybody can get voted off tonight!" He collapsed again, and this time, I did get up, and walk over to him.

I knelt by him, and although he was confused, and quite disoriented, he didn't have any injuries, or concussions, or anything. That was good news. 

"Mama always said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” In which case Heather would say nothing ever! She is the meanest, the nastiest, the bi– [censored] in all of Kalamazoo! No offense." He said to Heather, who was still shocked. "Whoa... none taken. I sorta respect you for it! Never do it again."

"Are you confident you're feeling better?" I anxiously asked my dad, with a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine, seriously. It was just a hit to the ol' noggin. Take a seat." I pouted, but did so. "Fine." 

"You’ve all cast your votes and made your decision. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the Dock of Shame to catch the Boat of Losers. That means you’re out of the contest. And you can’t come back. Ever. The first marshmallow goes to... Leshawna. Next, Duncan. Four campers are left, but... only three marshmallows. The next goes to... Heather. And... Owen." 

He passed them all to the people, and had a singular marshmallow left. It was either Geoff, or Gwen going home. And, I can't believe I'm saying this, but... neither of them should go. "Yep. That's one sure fire way to wipe a smile off a camper's face. Show them a plate with exactly one marshmallow on it."

Leshawna shrugged. "I ain’t gonna front. I knew that if it came down to a popularity contest, I was gonna lose big time. I had to vote off Heather."

Duncan shrugged. "You made a big mistake a few weeks ago, and... oh, I have a long memory, dude."

Heather smirked. "I'd have to be an idiot to vote anyone else at this point. No hard feelings, it's just strategy."

Owen was busy kissing the wooden head of Izzy.

"I'm left with just one marshmallow for the night. And, either Gwen, or Geoff is about to go home." Gwen stood up, and sighed. "It's cool. I had a good time." Dad raised his voice, and whined. "What are you doing? You're ruining my whole thing! The last marshmallow of the night goes to... Gwen. Geoff. It's time for you to go, bro." 

Both me and Gwen stood up at the same time, and exclaimed. "What?!" I looked at Gwen, who continued. "Are you guys all crazy?! Geoff is the nicest guy in the world!" I nodded. "And, he's Bunny's foster mom!" Duncan clicked his fingers. "Yeah. Bingo, sister." Owen raised an eyebrow. "As if Heather could defeat nice." Heather scoffed, and shrugged. "The power of nice is huge! And we’re not worried about you in that department, Gwen." Geoff smiled. "No sweat, bro. Lewis, man, you're gonna have to do this on your own. I'm sure with you as a dad, Bunny's gonna grow up to be a great rabbit, dude. Ciao, dudes!" 

Gwen completely ignored me, and ran up to him. "Wait! I have something for you!" She held it out. "My lens!" A smile grew on his face, as I pet Bunny, who was frankly quite upset over Geoff. "I went back to Boney Island. I'm sorry. There might just be a little bit of Lake Wawanakwa in it." "Makes it a better souvenir, right?" Gwen sighed. "Right... Bye, Geoff. And... thanks."

She began to walk away. "W-Wait up! Say 'cheese'!" He pulled her into him, as he took a photo with the camera. He then got onto the boat, and left.

- - -

"Just you and me, huh, Bunny?" I twiddled with my pencil on the desk, as Bunny sat in front of my piece of paper. "Well, at least, now... you're like me. Y'know... Child of split parents, a mom that's not here..." I noticed Bunny was now trying to get into my arms. I let out a quiet laugh, as I picked him up. "But, you probably don't care about that. I guess me and Chris still have yet to talk about my mom. Honestly... I don't know how to feel about her." 

I realized what I was doing, and sighed. "Alright. I think it's time for you to go to sleep, young man. You've got a big day ahead of you." I put him down in DJ's old bunk. In fact, he was so used to sleeping there, it was practically his bed now. I sighed, and looked at Geoff's empty bunk. And Harold's. This just isn't fair. 

I mean, sure, I get to see Cody, and my friends, and stuff, but... I don't know. I'm pretty tired.

Chapter Text

I woke up, feeling slightly better. I gently took Bunny, and took out Cody's request from my drawers. Don't get any ideas. It was just some candy, and other sweet stuff. I put it in my shoulder bag, and headed out. I don't have expensive things. My bag is just an old, vintage one, that I got from my grandpa.

"You ready for today?" Dad asked as he sat in his boat. I nodded. "Yeah, I've got everything people asked for." He raised an eyebrow. "So... a rabbit, and some candy?" I chuckled. "DJ's bunny, and Cody's request. Any more questions?" He paused. "Nope. Let's go!" I nodded again, and got on the boat.

Bunny was slowly waking up in my lap, because of the breeze, and I was making sure he was comfortable. 

- - -

We got there, and stepped out onto the dock. Did I fail to mention that the contestants were staying at a luxury resort? Because... They are. The camera crew finally managed to get their big butts off the boat, and start recording. "Welcome to Playa des Losers. The all-inclusive luxury resort where our sent after being brutally voted out of the game to lick their wounds and accept their fate as reality show has-beens. When we are down to the two final competitors, their fate will be in the hands of these seventeen losers!"

Dad spoke as we were walking up the steps of the dock, into the place everybody else was hanging out. I saw how chilled out everyone was, and it brought a smile to my face. Seeing everyone just sit back and relax for a change was actually a better feeling than I thought it would be.

I got some smiles in return, like from Eva. DJ didn't hesitate to approach me with a grin. "Lewis, man! Nice to see you. How's Bunny been while I wasn't there?" I handed him back, and smiled. "He's been great. Me and Geoff have been doing a good job. As far as I'm aware." We both laughed, and not even a second later, Cody jumped into me. "LEWIS!" I was semi-startled, and stumbled back. 

I chuckled, and pet his head. "Hey, Cody!" He looked up at me with a watering mouth. "Did you bring 'em?" His eyes were sparkling with excitement when I showed him the collection I had acquired. "Course I did? You're my favourite little dude." I handed him them, and he hugged me again with a large grin plastered on his face. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He stopped latching onto me, but didn't walk away.

He was about to dig right into them like a raccoon, until I stopped him. "Woah there, tiger! Don't eat them all at once!" I giggled, and he blushed, flustered. "R-Right." I walked with him into the place where all the other contestants were, and Cody took a seat. "Lewis. Nice to see you again." Eva greeted me calmly, and I nodded back to her, matching her chilled out energy. Dad was busy doing his own thing, and I was busy doing mine.

Some people were in the pool, and I noticed Noah reading a book by the tiki bar, beside Katie and Sadie, who were sipping some juice, and admiring Justin. Justin was diving from the diving board gracefully, Eva was working with dumbbells, while Geoff and Bridgette were making out. I couldn't see the other people, currently. 

Sadie swooned over Justin. "He is so cute!" She may have swooned too hard, because she fell over into the pool, and splashed Noah. He scoffed. "Get my shirt wet, why don't you?" She giggled. "Sorry, Noah." She finally noticed I was there. "HEY, LEWIS!" She began yelling for no reason. "YOU SHOULD COME IN! IT'S SO NICE!" I walked over, and shook my head. "Sorry, Sadie. Pools aren't really my thing. Noah, want me to run down and grab you another shirt?" "That would be great." I nodded.

I did get him another shirt, while he hung his old one up. Sadie squealed. I noticed Trent sitting down beside DJ, and waving at me. I returned it, and saw Ezekiel walking over to me. Is he going to apologize to me, or... I'm not quite sure. "Hey, bro." "Oh, hey Zeke. What's up?" "I just wanted to apologize, eh?" I gave him a forgiving look. "You're cool. I didn't really know you that well. And, plus, I was pretty tense. I forgive you, man." We shook on it, and he went away to do his own thing.

Dad walked by me. "As you can see, our campers have made themselves comfortable here, at our luxury resort. Looks like Geoff and Bridgette are happy to be reunited!" Bridgette and Geoff were really getting French in the corner of the pool. "Dude! This resort is off the charts!" Cody was by the barbeque, and I noticed he looked a little raw. 

"Can you believe this place is right around the corner from that crappy campground?" Trent was relaxing with DJ. "Now, this is what I'm talking about. I could hang here for a while." I decided to go over and hang with Cody, and I heard an eagle cry. That same... eagle. I shuddered. "Oh no! Bunny!" Aw, crap, crap, crap. Ain't no way that's gone and happened again. The eagle luckily dropped him, and he had quite the fall. 

He landed on the barbeque, and I made sure to get him off there as soon as I laid eyes on him. I stood still with him in my hands for a few seconds, before sighing in relief. I walked back over to DJ, and gave him back. "Steer clear of eagles, man. They're insane." I pat him on the shoulder, and walked back to Cody. He was looking a bit worse than before. Trent called over to Cody. "Yo, Cody! Need some sunscreen? You're lookin' a bit pink, dude!" He shook his head. "No thanks! I'm trying to get a tan! It attracts the ladies!" 

I raised an eyebrow at him, and he shrugged with a laugh. "What? It's the closest I'm getting to looking like Justin." I nodded my head, and giggled. "Well, I think you're cute already." I booped his nose, while he swatted my hand away, laughing. "C'mon... Lewis!" I spoke in a mocking tone and laughed. "What? You don't want people to see~?" I could see the blushing on his face through the pink skin. "Haha! Seriously...!" I giggled, and put a hand on top of his head. "Aw, Cody, I'm sorry. That you're just so cute! But, fine, fine. I'll stop." I cut it out, and he went back to barbequing the sausages.

After he was done, he tried using his hands to pick them up. "Want some help plating that up?" I chuckled, as he nodded nervously. "Hm... Come here." I helped him safely put the food on the plate without burning his fingers. I don't know why he didn't just turn of the grill, and use the skewer. But, to be honest, he isn't too good when it comes to safety.

Some people took the sausages, but I just left the plate on the counter so people could grab them. I sat by the pool with Cody, while we chatted away. "So, how's the resort been? I mean, with everyone?" He took a second to respond. "It's been cool. But, Courtney won't stop looking for Harold. You know how she got eliminated?" I nodded curiously. "Well, he messed with the votes." I gasped. "I totally called that! Is she angry at Harold?" He shook his head in worry. "Oh, she's angry, alright. Like, 'Courtney' angry. She's there right now." 

I saw that she was motioning wringing his neck. I raised an eyebrow. "I'm gonna go talk to her." "Alright." I walked off, and stood beside Courtney. "Hey, Court. What's-" "YOU CHEATER!" She pointed at me, and then realized who I was. "Oh! Uh, it's you. I'm looking for Harold. Have you seen him?" I gazed around at my surroundings, "Um... No. I haven't, sorry." She crossed her arms. "Well, I'm gonna go find him. Come straight to me if you see him!" She stormed off in an entirely different direction.

Yeah, there's no way I'm ratting Harold out. Cody walked up to me. "Can I eat them now?" I didn't know what he meant for a second. I then chuckled, and nodded. "Sure. But, I don't want you scarfing them down." He immediately raced off inside, which, if I assume correctly, is where he would, in fact, scarf them down. But, hey, if he feels sick, that's his problem. 

The camera crew were busy asking around, and I was doing my own thing. "Yeah. I was pretty shocked to be the third camper voted off. Apparently, I wasn't bossy, manipulative, or 'dangerous' enough to make it through. You can't say I wasn't a team player, though." Noah had actually put his book down for once. But, I could in fact say that you were not a team player. Remember in dodgeball?

 'Oh, sorry. Woo-hoo! Way to throw those murder balls. Go, team, go.'

Meanwhile, Sadie and Katie made no effort to stop talking to me. They just wouldn't be quiet. "Oh my gosh! We just have so much to tell you since we've been here!" Katie gasped. "Can I say hi to my peeps back home?" I shrugged at her, but she decided to do it anyway. "What's up, Toronto?" I decided to just ignore what they were saying, because it was beginning to get slightly annoying.

Somehow, Courtney was now holding a streetlamp, and was walking around with it. How strong is she? "I'm in the middle of filing a lawsuit for wrongful termination of competition. These people are witnesses! I was unfairly kicked off!" Nobody knew what she was talking about. I mean, obviously, they did, but they were pretending not to know about it. "I didn't see a thing, man." "You got me there." "Must've missed that episode." "What is she talking about?" "Didn't see it. Don't care." Hey, even I joined in on it. "Got no clue what you mean." She scoffed, and rolled her eyes. "You all know what happened!" 

Ezekiel perked up. "Hey, give her a break already, eh? I got kicked off from the first-" Courtney knocked him over with the streetlamp, while Lindsay walked over to her. "You would've just been kicked off in another episode. No one liked you that much." I silently laughed, as Courtney gasped, and furrowed her brows. "That is so not true! Everyone likes me! I used to be a CIT!" Then, somebody dropped a coconut on Courtney's head. She dropped the lamp, and it shattered.

"Ow! This is a coconut. We're in Muskoka, people! If you're going to drop props on my head, at least make them geographically correct!" Then, a massive pile of snow was dropped on her. Including a sled, and an eskimo. Lindsay cluelessly asked him. "Are you Tyler?" Aw, man... That must really suck for Tyler. I just hope it doesn't become a running gag throughout the rest of the season. That would be horrible!

"How would I characterize my experience? Easy. It sucked." Eva sat beside me, and folded her arms. "My anger management issues improved a bit." I smiled at her, while Lindsay stuck her head in. "Are you Tyler?" Eva smacked her forehead, while I shook my head. She walked off, and Eva resumed lifting weights. 

Noah resumed reading his book, but looked up at the camera. "Did I get anything out of this experience? No. It was completely and totally uneventful." Izzy swam up to him. "He kissed a guy." I raised an eyebrow. "You did what?!" "No, I didn't!" Izzy had somehow harpooned a fish in the pool. "Yes, you did." "Didn't!" She was continuously working him up. "Did!" Noah growled, and glared at Izzy. "Did, did, did, did, did-did-did-did did-did did-did-did-did!" She spoke in a sing-song voice, before Trent cleared his throat. "Uh, I can break this tie. He totally did." 

I brought my knees up to my chest, and giggled. "Wow, Noah! Who'd you kiss?" He was silent for a few seconds. "I have... no comment." "You don't have to be embarrassed. But, suit yourself." Lindsay ran past us, holding an envelope. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I got a letter from my sister that there's a picture of me in Star Stalker magazine!" Lindsay, Katie and Sadie all squealed in excitement, and clapped happily.

Noah wasn't so excited. He even mocked them. "Eee! Congratulations, you just peaked. It's all downhill from here, honey." He crossed his arms. Lindsay grinned. "Maybe if I get an eating disorder, or my boobs done, I'll get on the cover!" Blech. I hate girls talking about their bodies like that. I don't get why they strain to be beautiful. It's just a useless attempt for people to see you for someone you aren't.

- - -

Dad put Trent on the spot. "So, Trent. If you could say something to one of of the five remaining campers, what would it be?" He raised an eyebrow, and nervously looked at Noah. He returned the look with a smirk. "Uh... I- I guess I'd tell Gwen I was rooting for her. And... I miss her. She's special. And I think I'm in love with her." Katie and Sadie 'awwed' over him. Dad looked at me with a grin, and I scribbled it down. "I just hope she's still not ticked at me about the Heather thing."

Izzy put a hand on her hip, the other holding the harpoon gun. "I would be. If she were me, and you were still you, you would be seriously maimed." Trent furrowed his brows. "Uh, that's a little harsh." Izzy rolled her eyes. "You KISSED her mortal enemy!" "It wasn't my fault! I was tricked!" She waved her hand in dismissal. "Yeah, right. That's what they all say! 'My lips did what they wanted! My lips have a mind of their own!' Blah, blah, blah, fish cakes, blah, blah, blah, I'm a liar, blah, blah, blah.' Haha!"

Trent looked away, annoyed. "And there you have it. Stay tuned to hear the answer to the question everyone wants to know. What do the losers think of the final five? And, who will they vote to win? These answers, and more, coming up!" Well, that's the commercial break.

- - -

"It was NOT funny!" I pouted, and crossed my arms. He continued to laugh. "O-Oh, it was! I can't believe you thought it was Chef!" I couldn't help but let out a small giggle. I pushed him into the pool, and rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Code-meister. I could've died, y'know." He swam up to the surface, and rested on the pool ledge, while still in the pool. "But-cha didn't! Plus, he was already pretty tame around you." "I guess I'm just as adorable as you, then." I mocked him, and ruffled his hair. He pulled himself out of the pool, and shook most of the water off.

- - -

"Okay. You've seen how the losers are spending their time. Now, it's time to find out what they think of the final five." Dad walked up to Eva, and questioned her. While I was hanging around with everybody, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I took it out, and silently read the notification.

- - -

M.P

I'm coming to get you

- - -

I raised an eyebrow at my phone screen. Nope. This is clearly a joke. 

I put my phone away, and ignored it. "So, Trent, Lindsay. Give us your take on Heather." Trent rolled his eyes. "I hope I never meet anyone like her ever again." Lindsay was sunbathing. "She is really mean. Like... really mean!" 

Ezekiel was sitting with Katie and Sadie. "She was pretty bossy, eh?" Katie shrugged. "Oh, she was so totally bossy!" Sadie angry nodded, and put her hands on her hips. Beth seemed to share the anger, as she shook her head. "Telling her off was the best moment of my life." I nodded in agreement with Beth, as Eva took a seat next to me. 

Sadie raised an eyebrow. "If none of us even like her, how did Heather get into the finals?" Eva shook her fist. "I'll tell you why! Cause, she's a conniving, backstabbing, little witch! That's why!" I put a hand on Eva's arm. "Cool down, Eva. What she means, is that Heather's convincing, and manipulative. She knows how to get to people."

Courtney was still sitting with the lamp. "Who would I like to win? I can't believe I'm saying this, but I- I think I'd have to pick... um... Duncan. Don't tell the others though, okay?" I shook my head. "We all heard you, Court." Izzy agreed with me. "Yeah, we already knew, anyway. You were all over him!" Noah rolled his eyes. "My golden lab drools less over a rib eye steak." Lindsay raised her hand. "And... we eavesdropped again." Courtney scoffed, and crossed her arms.

- - -

I had bandaged up Bunny, due to the request of DJ. He saw some burn marks. And, as his caretaker, I can't refuse. Also, because I care about Bunny as much as DJ does. "Duncan? Man, that is one tough dude. I saw him wrestle a grizzly bear to the ground." He pounded his fist in his palm. 

I saw Bridgette and Geoff in the hot tub, and Ezekiel edging closer to the both of them. "Duncan's not as tough as he seems. Courtney told me he has a sweet side to him." They noticed him, and he quickly got out. Lindsay was also having a drink, while giving her opinion on Duncan. "Well, I think he's pretty cruel. Anyone who treats deer and trees badly, is not a friend to deer, or trees." "Yeah. That's a shocker." I rolled my eyes.

- - -

Everybody had gone back to what they were doing, and where they were when I first arrived. "Owen, he was so much fun." "He was kinda mean in the dodgeball game." "Oh, I know!" Katie and Sadie shook their heads. Trent shrugged. "Maybe he's not so bad." Sadie rolled her eyes. "We all know who you want to win." He nodded confidently. "Yeah. Gwen's definitely my choice." Courtney was still upset over the whole thing. "Okay, but come on. She’s smart, but she’s not exactly a team player. I was a team player. It should be me." 

Noah groaned. "You're here. You lost. Get over it!" She threw her cup at his head, and he fell into the pool. I turned my head to Cody. "Who do you think should win?" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I dunno. Probably Gwen, I guess... Owen was uncomfortable at times, Heather's mean, Duncan's scary, and I feel like Leshawna is just too nice. Know what happened to Geoff?" I nodded. "Yeah. Okay, here's another question for you. Which elimination, excluding yours, did you think was the most unfair?" 

He thought. "Hm... I suppose I'd have to say Geoff's. All he did was be nice. And, he got voted off for being popular!" "Oh, I know. I got so worried this whole reunion thing wouldn't happen for another few days, so I'd have to be a parent on my own." I laughed, but realized how red Cody was getting. "Um... Maybe you should, uh... put some sunscreen on. You're looking raw." "I'm fine, dude! It's the tanning process." I raised an eyebrow.

[Time Skip - 5 Hours]

It's now dark out. It's time for the jury vote. It's where the people who are out get to decide who joins Playa des Losers. We were just waiting for Cody to come. Trent was playing his guitar, and I was right beside him.

Cody finally came over, and he was even redder than before. Trent laughed. "Dude... You got cooked today." "Who, me?" He came to sit down next to me. He had several difficulties sitting down, because he had a sunburn. "L-Little sensitive, haha..." "I warned you, Cody." 

DJ looked around. "So, who do you guys want to win if you could vote right now?" Katie happily raised her hands. Katie and Sadie were on pool floats. "Can I pick Sadie?" "Aw! You'd pick me, and not you?" Sadie grinned at Katie. "Duh! You can't vote for yourself. That's tacky." Katie shook her head. "Kay. I'll vote for you to win, and you'll vote for me to win!" They both giggled, and I rolled my eyes.

Courtney cleared her throat. "Girls? You have to be in the final five to get a vote, remember?" Sadie nodded. "Oh, yeah... I don't know then." Cody nodded. "Well, I think Gwen should win." Lindsay raised an eyebrow. "Really? But... she rejected you on international TV for someone more cooler, hunkier, and more stylish!" I'm not too bothered about being a second choice. Just don't word this wrong, I'm begging you, Cody.

"Thanks for pointing that out, Lindsay. But, since I'm going out with Lewis now, I'm voting her because Gwen's got the biggest chance of winning, in my opinion." Trent smiled at him. "That's really cool, dude." He pat Cody on the back, and Cody winced in pain. "Oops! Sorry, man." Bridgette rested her head on Geoff's shoulder. "I can't decided between Leshawna and Gwen. They're both really cool."

Harold looked like he had been caught and beaten up by Courtney. "Leshawna, definitely." Courtney raised an eyebrow. "But, you'd vote for Duncan, right?" "Why would I do that?" While Harold furrowed his brows, Courtney glared at him. "Because if you don’t, I’m going to post all of your little love letters to Leshawna on the internet." Harold rolled his eyes. "Fine. Whatever. I'll vote for Duncan." He stifled his laughter. Beth grinned. "I think Owen should win." 

Noah looked at her in confusion. "He's a ticking time bomb of noxious fumes." But, Geoff agreed with Beth. "Owen, definitely. Dude can chug three litres of pop under a minute. He deserves a hundred G's." But, DJ had other ideas. "I don't think anyone's giving Duncan enough credit. He woke up from a monster's nap, and helped us win the dodgeball challenge." Geoff nodded. "Okay, that's true. That was some sick prison strategy he pulled out his butt." Eva folded her arms. "He had all five of you wailing on one opponent at the same time. I like his style." Lindsay smiled. "I think Gwen should win."

Then, suddenly, Dad appeared out of nowhere. "Haha! Okay, losers! It is time for the most unexpected twist of all time. Tonight, you will be voting the next camper off Total Drama Island." Lindsay's jaw dropped. "No way!" Dad nodded. "Oh, yes. Here's how it's gonna work. There are no marshmallows. I'm gonna ask you one by one who you would like to see join you here tonight at Playa des Losers. Katie and Sadie, since you share a brain, I'll ask you both. Who would you like to vote for?"

Sadie grinned. "Ooh, I miss Leshawna the most!" Katie gasped. "Oh, it'd be so much fun to have her here. Definitely Leshawna." I rolled my eyes at them. I'm guessing it's Leshawna getting booted off, then. "Why are you voting her off? If you like Leshawna, leave her in!" Dad chuckled. "That's three votes Leshawna." "What? No!" Courtney whined, while Harold growled. "You're just voting off my girlfriend to spite me!" They began hitting each other. "Hey! Let go of me, you big geek!" Then, they both fell into the pool. Noah laughed, and mumbled to himself.

"Okay, on to the next voter. Lindsay." Lindsay smiled. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna vote for Leshawna." DJ exclaimed. "Lindsay!" Lindsay glared at DJ. "No, you can't vote for me. You have to vote for someone who's in the final five. Like, Leshawna!" Izzy growled, and yelled. "Okay! Come on, guys! No one say Leshawna!" Dad was just cracking himself up at how much the losers were struggling. "That's six votes Leshawna." 

Then, a parrot randomly repeated Leshawna's name. Nobody was happy about it. Nobody but Dad. "Seven votes, Leshawna!" Trent scowled at him. "Chris, that was a parrot. It doesn't even know who Leshawna is." It then repeated the name Leshawna again. "Nine!"

- - -

"And with that, we're down to four. Tune in next week to see the dramatic, almost, conclusion of Total Drama Island!" Well, Leshawna was here. 

Meanwhile, I was saying goodbye to Cody. "Please, please tell me! We will get to go back to the island, right?!" I looked at Dad, who wasn't currently looking. "Yes. You're a part of the peanut gallery. Now, I've gotta go. I love you, Cody." I kissed his head, and walked towards Dad. 

"Ready to go?" Dad looked at me with a grin. "Yeah. I'm ready." 

- - -

On the boat ride back, my phone buzzed again. I was concerned as to why anything I had on there would have notifications this late, but I checked it anyway.

- - -

M.P

I know where you are

I'm coming to Muskoka, Lily

- - -

Chapter Text

I was sitting beside Duncan, who was carving a spear of some sort. It was pouring down with rain. Dad turned on the loudspeaker, and spoke. "Listen up, campers! One of the most gruelling challenges of any summer camp experience is the dreaded rain day! Where all activities with a remote possibility of fun are cancelled in favour of the Craft Tent. The forecast for tomorrow: rain, rain, and more rain, followed by rain! See you all in the Craft Tent tomorrow, at 0700 hours." 

I overheard Gwen and Heather arguing. "Frowning like a big suck won't bring Leshawna back, you know. It'll just give you premature wrinkles. Oops. Too late!" Gwen scowled at Heather. Then, she stomped on one of the steps, so Heather messed up her paint job. Heather growled at Gwen, and she returned it. "Why don't you just put us out of our misery, and vote yourself off?"

It was now thundering. Duncan stopped carving his spear, and smirked. "So nice to see you two getting along. Gives me the warm fuzzies." Heather folded her arms. "In your dreams, perv!" Duncan sat up, and frowned. "Man, this sucks! Even Owen couldn’t put a shiny happy spin on this weather. Speaking of which, where is Owen?"

Owen was in the confessional. "Woohoo! Final four, baby! Yeah! Haha. You know, I really like the other three. They’re solid competitors. We all have a real trust thing going, which is why it’s a good thing no one knows about the... junk food I'm stashing." He laughed, but quickly covered his mouth when he realized what he just said. "Okay, they’ll probably be mad. But not as steamed as Chef when he finds out I was raiding his pantry." He laughed again, but angrily slapped his forehead. "Oh! Darn it! There's something about this confessional that just makes me wanna... confess stuff!"

Gwen and Heather headed inside the cabins. Duncan then stood up, and did the same. I followed him inside, as he shut the door behind me. "Well, this bites." Duncan stared out the window with crossed arms. "Owen might have some trouble getting back. It's getting bad out there." I raised an eyebrow, as the rain threw itself against the window, and the thunder got louder. Duncan rolled his eyes, and came away from the window. 

I sat on my bunk, and rested my head in my palm, as Duncan got into his bed. "He can suit himself. I'll be right here, jamming out." I shrugged, as he put on his headphones.

- - -

Well, we both fell asleep. But for some reason, Duncan wasn't in the cabin when I woke up. I yawned, stretched, and got out of bed. I also took made sure to have my spare binder in my drawer. I knew it was going to be damp today, so I had to have one handy. 

I walked out of the cabin, only to be met with a very surprising sight. Duncan and Gwen were soaked to the bone, while Heather was ripping leeches from her skin. "Where did all this water come from?" "How should I know? Why don't you ask the leeches?!"

Duncan laughed. "You know, this is so ridiculous, it's almost funny." I furrowed my brows when I noticed a shark. The three of them seemed to notice too, because they all almost instantly ran to the deck of the boys' cabin. "A-Are you guys okay!?" I help Gwen up first, and then Duncan. Heather was too much of a baby to fall over. "We're fine, but... that shark's not!" Duncan said with wide eyes. Gwen panicked. "Quick! We need something big, and chewy to shove in its mouth!" 

Heather suddenly yelled. "Owen!"

"So... I snuck in, and ate the entire soccer team's bake sale. I mean, the whole sale! But, I got caught on account of the icing in my hair. My mom made me pay for it out of my allowance, but mm-mm! Those soccer moms make a mean brownie! Haha! I'm... hungry..." Owen opened the confessional door, to be met with him floating down a river. He screamed, and hid in the confessional. "I'm all alone! Adrift at sea! Without breakfast!"

We finally washed up, but something about this island was... off. "Okay. Is anyone else a little creeped out by this deserted island?" Gwen anxiously looked around. Heather rolled her eyes, and put her hands on her hips. "Puh-lease! Any moron could see that this is one of Chris' cheesy production sets with fake props!" She kicked a rock, and it turned out to be a real, hard rock. "Hah, yo drama queens? We’ve obviously just drifted downstream. The producers will send a search party." I turned my head left and right, slightly concerned. "I don't know... this doesn't look... anything like the surrounding islands. If it was a set, I'd say this is very convincing."

"Just to set the record straight, my sets are NOT cheesy! I lost three interns moving those rocks into place. And, yeah, about that search party, nuh-uh. Those campers are on their own."

"Well, well, well. Stuck on an island with two hot girls. Too bad they're both completely annoying."

"So, I thought to myself. 'They left me here to die!'"

"Mental note. Never sign up for a reality show again."

"I'm not worried. If Chris was gonna save anyone, it was gonna be me. There's no way he'd just leave me here for days without warning. Although... I don't have any internet. Maybe I missed a text from him. Or... her..."

Duncan laid back against a rock. "Let's just chill until the rescue team arrives." Gwen put her foot down, and anxiously raised her voice. "What if there isn't a rescue team? What if the producers think we're dead? I say, we build a raft and try to sail back to camp!" Duncan rolled his eyes. "Good call. Let's get more lost!" Gwen argued. "We need to build a raft!" "We need to stay put!" "Build a raft!" "Stay put!"

It went on like this for a few minutes. For some wild, insane reason, me and Heather weren't at each other's necks. We both were actually agreeing on something. We both spoke to each other, completely ignoring the goths arguing in the back. "Just to be clear. We're not lost. This is obviously your dad's lame attempt at challenging our shipwrecked survival skills. And I'm onto him!" 

"Ooh! I'm so scared!"

Heather raised her voice. "Lewis and I are going for a walk!" "Wait, we are?" I got a swift kick to the shin. "We are! We'll prove to you losers that we aren't stranded!" I was kinda forced to follow her. I guess I'm her new lackey, then.

"Things were getting really tense. You have to remember that we were soaked, covered in bug bites, and starving. But I kept my wits about me, as always. It’s a good thing at least one of us can remain calm and collected in the face of adversity."

We came to a stop in front of a treehouse. "Not bad!" Heather looked at me, and I shrugged. "Beats sleeping on the beach." We both climbed up into it, and Heather claimed it as her own, and I had to follow her rules. What are we, five? But... I have to admit. Heather is a pretty good... wait, no. What the hell? She is not! 

"When I'm following Heather's rules, I dunno. It feels like she's actually a good leader? But, I know she's not! It's like this super weird charm she has. I sort of understand Beth and Lindsay's problem."

Owen was desperately trying to calm himself down. He was rocking back and forth. "Okay... Going to my happy place..." He inhaled, and shut his eyes. I'm in the doughnut shop. There's an all-you can eat-for-a-dollar sale on... Unlimited chocolate milk..." There was a banging on the confessional door. Owen panicked. "D'ah! Go away!" He slapped his face several times. "Is that...?" He opened the confessional door. "Sand! Sweet mama in a sidecar going ninety! I'm back at camp!" Although he raced off camera, he could be heard celebrating. Then... he screamed... and ran back inside the confessional. "This day really is sucking."

"The T-Rex skull was my idea." Chris laughed. "Did you see the look on his face? That was worth every intern."

I was leaning on the railing of the treehouse. Heather was standing confidently with her hands on her hips. "Nice view! Hey, you two! If you're done yelling at each other, I found us a place to rest!" She opened the treehouse door, to be met with a skeleton. She gasped, screamed, and fell down, to the ground. I laughed at her, and kicked the door shut.

She stood up, and stomped her foot. "That was SO not funny!" I giggled, and wiped a tear from my eye. "I-It wasn't me, Heather! Hah, but... but you might wanna look behind you!" I snickered, as she turned around. She was met with a large dinosaur skull, and screamed again. Duncan and Gwen were just as shocked as she, and Heather hid behind them both. Meanwhile, I was cracking up. "So. Still think we're downstream from camp?" Duncan rolled his eyes. "Okay, I've been wrong before."

"Aw, man! Whoo... That cracked me up. Are you okay, Heather?" I caught my breath, and looked at the three of them. "I'm perfect!" She said it through gritted teeth, and I could tell she was being sarcastic. 

"Will someone please explain to me why there are palm trees and coconuts up here? We’re in northern Ontario!" Chef was quite confused. He looked at Chris, who shrugged. "They were leftover props from the Bigassic Park movie shoot. What? We're on a budget!"

Heather opened the door to see the skeleton again, and poked it. "Wait a sec. This is just like when they sent us to Boney Island! Don't you see? It's so obviously another survival challenge! You can't scare me, Chris!" Heather shrugged, and rolled her eyes. I raised an eyebrow. "What is so obvious this is like Boney Island? I mean, apart from that." Gwen put her hands on her hips. "What’s obvious is that were stranded on a deserted island, and we’ll die unless we build a raft!" I put my hands up. "Woah, chill. I was only asking a question. Plus, if we were really stranded, then the producers would rescue us. My dad does love me, you know."

"What if they don’t know where to look? They’re not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed, in case you haven’t noticed." Gwen raised her voice, as she worriedly tapped her foot.

Chris glared. "I'm gonna let that little comment pass..." He looked to Chef, who nodded in agreement.

"I was so better off without those lunatics holding me back. Good luck lost in the wild without shelter." She waved. 

Duncan sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Okay, so, maybe splitting up was a bad idea. I know I should make more of an effort to have an alliance with someone at this point in the game, but they're both insane! I mean, which one would you trust?"

Duncan pointed at us. "Fine. Then, let's make a new rule. Every camper for themselves." Heather crossed her arms. "If that's how this is going, then I claim Lewis as my property! He's not exactly a camper." Gwen glared at her. "Fine!" Duncan and Gwen left, while I was dragged inside by Heather.

"So... I'm... your property?" I raised an eyebrow at Heather, and sat down. "That's right!" She said confidently with folded arms. "What exactly does that mean for me?" "You're here to protect me, and do everything I tell you to." I crossed my arms. "So I'm just a replacement Lindsay." I mumbled under my breath.

- - -

"I guess working for Heather has its perks. Heather says she'll give me food as long as I'm the one to find it. Luckily for me, I found Owen's junk food stash."

I was eating some stuff with Heather when I heard Duncan yelling up. "Hey! Where'd you get that chocolate?" Heather smirked down at Duncan. "Oh, nowhere. Just Owen's secret stash of junk food." Duncan mumbled something under his breath, before shouting back up to us again. "You gotta share that with us, man! We're starving!"

She shook her head. "Oh, no. I believe the term was, 'every camper for themselves'. And, since we're alone on the island..." A monster growled. I looked up from my food, to see everyone fairly distressed. "Or, not..." 

It growled several times again. I raised an eyebrow, while Duncan settled down on a rock to eat some fruit he found. Gwen was busy crafting her raft. Heather scoffed. "It's just Chris freaking us out!" Gwen stood up. "Well, whatever it is, I'm outta here." She began to push her raft. Heather leant out of the window. "You don't even know where you're going!" Gwen was already knee-deep in the river, pushing her raft away. "Who cares? At least it's not here with you."

Duncan got up, and followed her downstream. "I'll trade you my egg in exchange for a ride."

"Riding with him was the last thing I wanted to do. But, I was starving!"

"Deal!" Heather gasped, ran out of the treehouse, and followed them, leaving me on my own. "What?! Hey! Hey, you can't just form an alliance and leave me!" "Well, you've got Lewis. So... Yeah. Bye, Heather. Good luck." Gwen began to paddle away, as Heather was practically begging on her knees for them to come back for her. "Don’t go! Don’t go. If you come back, I’ll let you have Owen’s Nanano bars!" I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay. I have never been more terrified in my whole life. They left me there alone on that island to die. I had to draw on reserves of inner strength I never knew I had. If you’re watching, Lindsay, I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings. You were an awesome friend and Beth, ditto for you. Miss you guys. BFFs forever."

Well... Heather left me. She got mad that they left her, so she told me I could survive on my own without her. The funny thing is, she took literally nothing with her. None of Owen's food, no weapons, nothing. I guess we'll just see who comes out on top.

I just hope Owen's alright. You know what I mean? Cause, it was totally suck if he got eaten by a pterodactyl, or something. Then, this weird looking guy jumped from the bushes. I didn't react to him. Upon further inspection, I realized it was just Owen. "Speak of the devil! Owen, buddy, where've you been?" I threw him down some food, and he immediately ate it. He spoke, even with his mouth full. "Mm! Lewis! Is it really you? You're not a mirage?" He hit me a few times. It hurt, I'll admit, but I was just happy to see anyone at this point.

"Nope. I'm completely real. Come on, there's more food inside." He was just about to come up into the treehouse when we both heard screaming. I looked up, and saw Gwen and Duncan falling from the sky. They both went through several trees, but hit the ground fine. Gwen sat up, shocked. "Owen!?" 

Owen picked them both up, as Heather finally came back. "Ah, my brethren. At last, we're together! I shall never let go!" All three of them were utterly disgusted at the sight of Owen. But, I was just happy they were all alive. A giant python dropped down from a tree, and landed on them. "Oh. Let me rephrase that. RUN!" 

They all got up to where I was, and were all trembling in fear. Although, I could tell this snake was all bark, no bite. It was a boa constrictor. Gwen looked at Owen in confusion. "What's with the fake beard?" She pulled on it, and discovered it was real. Much to Owen's discomfort, of course.

[Time Skip - 2 Hours]

We were all just playing I Spy to pass time, but Owen kept making it about food. "Haha! Okay! I spy with my little eye, something that is caramelly." Duncan had his head resting on the palm of his hand. "Mallomars?" Owen laughed, and nodded. "Right again! Okay, it's your turn, Mr. Coconut!" That dumb coconut better not have blood on it. That would be gross. And, also... an old idea. I've seen it once before, with a volleyball. 

Gwen whispered to me. "He knows it's just a fruit, right?" Heather angrily stood up, and stomped her foot. "That’s it! I am done with this game and I can’t bond with you guys anymore because you’re all crazy!" Duncan raised an eyebrow. "You say that like you're not." I stood up without a word, and walked outside. "Lewis?" I didn't respond to Gwen, cause I had another thing I wanted to do.

While I was getting down from the treehouse, Duncan and Heather were arguing, while Gwen was watching me with Owen. I had the egg under my arm, as I approached the boa constrictor. "He's gonna die!" I shook my head, and called back up to him. "I'm thinking if I feed the snake, it'll go away!" I gently placed the egg down in front of the constrictor. It swallowed it whole, and slithered away. I dusted off my hands, and got back up into the treehouse. "See?"

Heather scoffed. "I am the only one left on this show with a shred of sanity." Duncan rolled his eyes. "Ha! And, this is coming from the girl who changes friends more often than I change socks." She pointed at Duncan angrily. "Which is so not often enough, by the way. At least I've got my game on!" Gwen furrowed her brows. "Game on... Hello!? None of us are in the competition, because the producers think we're dead! Which means we're gonna die on this frickin' island!" 

Owen's eyes widened. "We are?" He then screamed. "Heavenly Hash! We're gonna die! And I've never even had a date! Or held hands! Or fulfilled any of my 'Owen gets jiggy' fantasies! Like the one where-" Gwen put her hands on her head. "D'AH! Make him stop!" I shoved a banana in his mouth, and he chewed it. "Thanks." 

"And that's when I thought, 'This is how I'm gonna die.' My brain was actually gonna explode from frustration!"

"Guys! You know what we have to do?" Duncan raised a brow. "Run for our lives, and leave you and Mr. Coconut behind?" Owen shook his head. "No. We need to confess our sins." Heather put her hands on her hips. "Uh, not!" Owen tried to convince everyone. "Oh, no, seriously. I confessed all my sins, and felt great! Don't you wanna clear your conscience before you die?" I was not at all intent on doing that. Looked like everyone else wanted to.

- - -

"Whoa. So, that's what what you went to juvie hall for." Gwen had raised brows. "Yeah, but at least it's not as bad as what Heather did." Duncan pointed at Heather. "I admit, it was a little unorthodox, but it doesn't come close to what Gwen did. If that's even your real name!" Owen sighed happily. "There. Don’t you feel better now?" Everyone agreed, but me. "Not... really." I didn't want to confess. I was praying they had forgotten, but they didn't.

"Okay. I know what I did was a horrible thing. I can never forgive myself for it. I just hope people aren't too bothered about it." 

Owen freaked out. "Ew, Ew! Spider in the bed! Spider in the bed!" He ran out of the treehouse. From outside, I could hear him. "Hey, look. We’ve got neighbours." I raised an eyebrow, and walked out with Gwen, Duncan, and Heather. "The rescue team?" "Or, a trick, courtesy of Chris." "I know how we can find out!"

- - -

While the other three were busy being head hunters, or whatever they are, I decided to check it out. Turns out, it was just where Dad was relaxing with Chef. I raised an eyebrow, and crossed my arms. "You know, they've all gone a bit insane." "Oh, we could see that." He giggled, as the four of them jumped out the bushes, yelling like head hunters.

Chef got so scared that he jumped into Dad's arms. I was surprised at how Dad didn't struggle a bit carrying him. "Hey, guys. It's about time you showed up." Owen gasped, and talked to Mr. Coconut. "Mr. Coconut! It's a mirage! They're just figments of my imagination!" Chef raised an eyebrow, and whispered to me and Dad. "Uh, why's he talking to a coconut?" I signalled that he was crazy. "Owen, it's not a mirage. It's our production crew's secret location!" 

I looked around to see Koda having a sandwich at the snack table. And... Dad wasn't too happy about that. "Or... was a secret. Until now." Heather furrowed her brows. "But, what about the T-Rex skull!?" Duncan joined in. "And the prehistoric goose?" Dad laughed, and shrugged. "Oh, those are just left over from a dinosaur movie that was-" But, Heather interrupted him. "You mean, while we were shipwrecked, you were here, basking in the lap of luxury, a mere hundred feet away?!"

Then, out of nowhere, it began raining again. I raised an eyebrow, while Dad held out a hand to feel the rain. "Yes, Heather. That would be accurate." Him and Chef walked into his trailer. "Sorry. I'd invite you in, but there's only room for seven. See you at the campfire tonight!" He shut the door with a laugh, and I rolled my eyes at him.

I joined again with the group of four, as Gwen raised an eyebrow. "How do you put up with him?" I looked at her. "He's pretty low maintenance. We better get back to camp, though." 

- - -

We all sat around the bonfire. "Well... it's been a gruelling day, campers. Frankly, Chef and I are worn out. I hope you’ve learned two valuable lessons. First, always make sure your cabins are securely fastened to the ground. And second, the 'every camper for themselves' idea sucks. Five heads are always better than one." Owen cleared his throat. "A-A-Ahem. I think you mean six." Dad raised an eyebrow. "Whiiich... brings us to yet another dramatic marshmallow ceremony." I nodded, while Duncan noticed the plate.

"Hey, wait a minute. You have four marshmallows. That's one for each of us." Dad nodded, as I stifled a laugh. "Excellent observation, dude. Heather, Duncan, Gwen, Owen." Owen came to the horrific, and somewhat hilarious, conclusion. "Oh, no. You don't mean..." Dad grinned. "Oh, I mean. It's time for Mr. Coconut to walk the Dock of Shame." 

Owen collapsed onto his knees, sobbing. "But, why!?" Dad walked over, and forcefully took the coconut from Owen's hands. "Get it together, dude. You're starting to creep me out." He threw the coconut surprisingly far, as Owen yelled and cried. "Mr. Coconut! NO!" I rolled my eyes, as Heather put her hands on her hips. "By the way. What we confessed back there, stays back there."

Everyone agreed. "Oh, yeah." "No argument." "Definitely." Owen sighed. "Don't worry, Mr. Coconut. I shall never let go!" I put a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon, Owen. We should get to bed. Wherever... 'bed'... is..."

Chapter Text

I checked my watch. Taking a bit longer than usual... 

...

...

...

...Okay. This is taking too long. They need to wake up.

I put a squirrel on Gwen's bed, and told it what to do. It wagged its tail under Gwen's nose, and I watched, hoping it would wake her up. It didn't. Instead, she only sneezed. The little squirrel jumped back into my hands, as I huffed. 

Duncan had a fly buzz in his ear, yet he didn't wake up. Then, an acorn fell into Heather's throat. She coughed it up, and still remained asleep. I let the squirrel get the acorn, and apparently when it jumped from her bed, it woke her up. She woke everyone else up, too.

They are really heavy sleepers. Heather sat up, looking around. "What? Who's that? Where are we?" Duncan seemed shocked. "How did we get here?" Gwen was scared. "Chris?" But... Owen was terrified. "MOMMY!"

I shook my head. "Guys, guys. Just-" However, it seemed the part-time host got to it before me. "Everybody just shut up! How you got here is not your concern!" Chef jumped off the ladder leading up to the helicopter, and gave a thumbs-up to the pilot. The helicopter flew away, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust. 

Everybody got out of bed, and Gwen shrugged. "What happened to Chris?" Chef didn't want to answer that. "None of your gosh darn business what happened to Chris! I'm in charge now! And I'm gonna make you wish you were never born. Your mission is to find your way out of the forest or die trying." He eyed Owen, while I stifled laughter. Heather raised her voice, and stretched her arms. "You can't be serious. We WILL die!"

"They left us in the woods. Alone. Again. With Heather. I'd rather go swimming in the shark-infested water."

"Here's how it works. Team one, delinquent and chubby. Team two, Grim and Grimmer." He threw them both duffel bags. "Everything you need is in these bags. You'll navigate your way north to base camp. The first team to tag the camp totem pole wins. And here's a tip. Better set up camp before sundown. Because when nightfall hits, you won't even see your trembling hand in front of your terrified face. Unless you got night vision goggles. But you don't." He laughed, and suddenly, Duncan ran up to us both like a wimp.

I stepped back, in surprise, as Duncan grabbed Chef's apron. "Oh, please! Please don't leave us here! I'm begging you, we won't survive!" Chef pushed him back. "Grab a hold of your guts, soldier!"

"Duncan's a lot of things. But, he is definitely not a chicken." I folded my arms curiously.

"He's up to something, I can tell. And I am going to find out what it is." Heather glared suspiciously.

Owen put his hands on his head. "This is totally bonkers! We'll be scarfed down by a grizzly!" Chef shook his head. "Oh, I wouldn't worry 'bout that. You wish you'd saw a grizzly once you meet up with ol' Sasquatchanakwa! He's one mean mamma-jamma!" Gwen gasped, as Chef clung back onto the ladder dangling from the helicopter. "Good luck, troops! Try not to die!" The helicopter also took away their bunkbeds, while Gwen dug through the duffel bag. "This isn't legal! You can't do this!"

"Hey, Peaches. File it with the network lawyers." I rolled my eyes, and folded my arms. "She can't. That's what Courtney does. She'd get sued for stealing ideas." But, to nobody's surprise, I was ignored. Duncan and Owen picked up their bag. Heather was displeased. "Where do they think they're going?! They can't survive out there! It's suicide, it's-" Gwen glared at Heather. "Hey. I've got an idea. Let's see what happens if you shut up already!"

"Okay. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than ditching her grim little butt in the middle of nowhere, but this is the wild. I need someone to shove in front of me if a bear comes by."

"I gotta say, I was jazzed to be paired with Owen. I mean, come on, if you were a grizzly, who would you rather be dipping in barbecue sauce?"

I'm stuck with Duncan and Owen. The thing is, I'm not even doing these challenges. 

Why do I have to do this? This was such a bad idea, man.

Owen was out of breath. "Where... are we... going?" Duncan shrugged. "I just wanted to get away from the girls. Psych them out a bit, you know?" Owen responded by panting. Duncan emptied out the bag. "Okay. Let's see what we got." Owen nodded, checking everything we'd given them in the bags. He furrowed his brows. "Yup. Yup. It's all good. Except, one thing's missing. FOOD!"

His mourning was interrupted by a bear growling. Duncan's eyes widened, as he turned his head towards the source of the noise. "What was that?" Owen panicked, and softened his eyes. "We're gonna die out here!" I raised an eyebrow. "You said that yesterday." But, I was ignored. You know, I'm getting used to that. "We'll be out of the woods in no time. Thanks to these babies!" 

He pulled out some night-vision goggles. Owen leaned in to check them out, while I furrowed my brows, and took a step forward. "You... stole these from Chef?" Owen had a different opinion. "Sweet!" "Duncan, you can't just-" "Hey! I'm a hardened criminal, what do you expect? With these babies, we can see as clear as day." Owen took them from him, and put them on. He looked around with them happily, before looking up.

I widened my eyes, before forcefully taking them from Owen. "Hey!" "What are you, an idiot!? You can't just look directly into the sun!" Duncan settled us both down. "Alright, that's enough! We've got a challenge to win. Owen, grab the map while I figure out where we are." Owen picked up the map, as I kept the night-vision goggles. "Sure, but... the map isn't much use without a compass, is it?" He chuckled to himself, and I scoffed. 

"Okay. The sun rose from the east, which means that's north. So, camp is... that-a-way." Duncan proudly put his hands on his hips. Owen raised a brow. "Are you sure? I think the sun rose from over there. Which means camp is... that-a-way!" Duncan turned to him. "Uh, yeah, no. I think you're wrong. We're going this way. Let's move."

"I don't believe in Sasquatches. I don't. And they wouldn't like, drop us here in the middle of the forest if there really was one. What if we died? Would they?"

"Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I actually miss Chris. Anything is better than Chef psychopath. Why do camp cooks always look like escaped criminals?"

"Can you hear me, Chris? I hope you enjoyed your little day off while we put up with your psychotic sidekick, who, by the way, wasn't even doing anything. He just ditched us in the woods!"

All three of us were climbing up a mountain. I had the bag slung over my shoulder. "Did you catch what Chef said about the Sasquatchanakwa? That really freaked me out..." Duncan rolled his eyes. A ledge from underneath him crumbled, and he lost his footing. He was about to fall, when I grabbed his hand. I was now supporting the weight a heavy duffel bag, myself, and Duncan on a singular ledge. "I've got you!"

Owen didn't even notice. "Did you know that some people think Bigfoot is the missing link between humans and monkeys?" I pulled Duncan back up, but slid down the mountain a bit. I was now further behind them, but they continued on. I groaned, and slowly followed them. "Really? I'd say the missing monkey is right here!" Duncan hit Owen on the head, as he became highest up the mountain.

I stopped to have a breather. As energetic as I may be, I'm still only 14. I can't get as far as the other teenagers, especially when I'm being used as their luggage rack. I was now way, way behind the two. I could barely even hear them unless they talked moderately loud. "LEWIS! COME ON, ALREADY!" I looked up to see Duncan yelling down. I groaned, and forced myself to carry on.

It was a good few minutes. The boys were waiting for me at the top.

"After my big cliff dive on the first day of camp, I was king of the world! I conquered my biggest fear, and helped my team win! It was awesome! But then, a few days later, my fear came gurgling back up like a day old Indian buffet..."

All of a sudden, I saw them jumping off the cliff, and head for the river. Oh, you have GOT to be joking! They both landed in the river, and shouted up to me. "COME ON, YOU WIMP! JUMP!" I furrowed my brows at them. Wimp? I am getting so god damn sick of them. I hesitated, before throwing myself from the side of the mountain, and landing in the river, too.

I was completely out of breath. If I wasn't careful about how I managed this, I could pass out. I didn't want that to happen. Luckily, I managed to get myself onto the raft from the previous challenge, and help the other two onto it, as well. The boys thought it would be so funny to bond by rating their farts, which honestly wasn't at all funny. 

I was getting really, really annoyed with the both of them. In fact, I just wanted to quit this whole Total Drama thing right now. We passed by Gwen and Heather, who gasped at the sight of us. "They're getting away!" 

"Ha! Using the river was brilliant. Well played, boys. Well played."

"Okay. I'm not going to lie. Lewis looked pretty exhausted to me. I don't think it's okay for him to go on with the challenge. Not just because he's with the boys."

We eventually got off the raft, and were walking in the forest. Owen came across a chocolate bar, and picked it up. Unfortunately, the girls had set a trap. I frowned, and climbed up the tree to get Owen down. While we weren't looking, or rather, when Duncan wasn't looking, Heather snagged the bug spray. I let Owen down, while Duncan chased after Heather.

I followed after Duncan, running with Owen. I couldn't keep up. But, luckily, Duncan got the stuff back. And by the 'stuff', I mean two chocolate bars. I rolled my eyes, and followed them again after they had ran away. 

- - -

I was resting against a tree, finally being able to have a break. Owen was eating, as per usual, while Duncan was carrying a boatload of sticks to build a fire, or something. Heather approached us, dressed and acting like a mummy. Owen screamed, and anxiously climbed up the tree, leaving the bag unguarded. 

I raised an eyebrow at Heather, and shifted out the way so they could grab what they needed. I honestly couldn't care about this whole guys' alliance anymore. They were being major jerks. I know money can change a person, but jeez, I never expected it to be like that... 

- - -

Duncan and Owen were setting up a trap for the girls. They quickly hid in a bush, while I sighed, and watched them fall into the hole. They screamed as they went, and Duncan grabbed the bag. He smirked, and pulled out the compass from the bag. He then threw the bag back into the pit, and ran away. "Seriously? Guys, I can't keep-" "C'mon!" Ugh...

[Time Skip - 4 Hours]

It was dark out. This was by far the worst idea I've ever had in my life. My body ached. It genuinely hurt to move. But, I continued walking. Luckily, they were going at a slow pace, so I didn't have to run after them. Owen happily put the night vision goggles on again, and looked around. 

"Well, hello, Mr. Squirrel. And, hello to you, Mr. Raccoon!" I heard screaming from behind us, and turned around. To my horror, it was Sasquatchanakwa. Owen had to do a double take. "Oh. Good day, Mr. Sasquatchanakwa." He gasped. "Run!" 

Duncan ran away screaming, and pushed me over. Owen ran past, Heather ran past, and I struggled to even get up onto my knees. "I can't... move..." I groaned in pain, and trembled uneasily. I weakly reached out to the people running. "Guys...!" I quickly stopped, because my arm just gave up. Like, it wouldn't move at all.

Sasquatchanakwa ran past me, and for some strange reason, Gwen was on its shoulders. I groaned, and tried to push myself up, to no avail.

"C-Come on, guys... you really... got me, huh?" I laughed nervously, on my stomach. There was nothing to fill the silence. It was super quiet. "Guys...?"

- - -

I have no idea how long it's been. I mean, it's getting darker, so I assume a pretty long time. But, I still can't move. Maybe a short time. I don't know. I know my dad's hosting some awards show off-island, so... I can't get him to help me. This was a last resort. I knew those jerks weren't coming back for me. They abandoned me.

"Chef!" I continuously called out his name. If anybody could help me, it was Chef. But... it was super late. I don't know if he was even awake. 

[Gwen's P.O.V]

We were all sat around the campfire Duncan made. I heard a weird noise. It sounded like yelling, but also... roaring? "You guys hear that?" Duncan raised an eyebrow, as he looked around. "Oh, yeah. I do hear that! I don't care." He went back to relaxing against the tree. Owen trembled. "What if it's the... Sasquatchanakwa?!" Heather scoffed. "Oh, please! Whatever is making that noise sounds nothing like that big ape." 

It suddenly got super cold. Owen grinned, as he pushed the final energy bar into his weird... thing. "Hey. I smushed the energy bars into a big, chewy ball. Any takers?" I shivered. "N-No, but... I'll take your sleeping bag..." He threw the massive ball into his mouth, and passed me his sleeping bag.

I wrapped myself up in it, and he fell asleep almost immediately. However, Heather kept trying to make a move on Duncan, for some reason. "I can't sleep! I'm too... scared. Can I just...?" She snuggled up to him, and he was pretty confused. "Uh, yeah. Sure." I furrowed my brows at her, while she winked at me. 

Oh, right! We're tricking the boys. I totally forgot. "I feel so safe in your arms. You won't fall asleep, right?" Duncan smirked. "Yup. You can count on it."

[Lewis' P.O.V]

By some miracle, Chef found me. I don't understand how he can do it so easily. It's impressive, and sometimes... actually pretty scary. It was a struggle, standing up. "I'm so sick those selfish kids! You can't just push someone over, and leave 'em to die! That just ain't right." He was carrying me, because it was easier for the both of us. "I-I'm sorry I made you come out here. It... probably wasn't in your plans." 

I fumbled over my words. He only let out a small laugh. "You're gosh darn right, it wasn't. But it isn't your fault." My eyes widened. "It's not?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "Course it's not! They're the ones bossing you around. You got exhausted, and pushed over. That ain't your fault they're selfish, no good..." While he rambled on, I was busy thinking about something else.

That was by far the scariest thing I've ever experienced. I mean, they just... left me to die at the hands of a big ape. I bet they probably think I'm dead right now.

- - -

"Hey, hold on. Has anybody seen Lewis?" Gwen looked around, with a raised eyebrow. This was weird. Heather seemingly couldn't care less. As per usual. "Two words. Dead. Weight." Gwen rolled her eyes. "You think everyone's dead weight, Heather." "Whatever. Let's just get the map, get the bags, and get out of here."

- - -

[Time Skip - 8 Hours]

"Do we feel bad? No way. They stole our stuff first. All is fair in love and war, and this is definitely war now."

"Okay. That was so much fun! I just wish I could've seen the looks on their faces. And, for the record, Gwen was just as into scamming them as I was."

I'm just happy to be back at camp, away from those stupid idiots. After resting up my limbs, I have to say, I feel much, much better. I guess I just needed a break. I mean, after lugging around a fifty-pound bag, climbing up a 90 degree angle mountain, preventing a fully grown teenager from falling to his death, jumping from the side of said mountain into a freezing river, running back and forth, you know, the usual. 

I was waiting beside the totem pole for them to get back. "We made it!" I heard the girls yelling, as they ran towards the pole. "Aw, crap." I also overheard Duncan. "Ah! Go for it, dude!" Out of nowhere, Owen came speeding by me, and snatched Chef's tray full of cinnabuns off him. He then poured the entire tray of them into his mouth.

Heather touched the pole, while I rolled my eyes at her. "Oh, good. You're not dead." I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. No thanks to Duncan over there." Duncan, however, was focused on Owen. "NO! Dude, we were so close! Why?!" Owen mumbled. "Well, they're fresh from the oven..." I growled, while Chef wasn't particularly happy about it either. "Those are mine! I was lookin' forward to those buns! Alright! Game's over! Girls win, guys lose."

"We lost the challenge for a few sticky buns? What was that? Do you know how many sticky buns I could've bought with $100,000?!"

Heather was cracking herself up. "OMG! That was, like, so pathetic. I hope those buns were worth it."

"Wow! We kinda scored that one."

"I think Duncan's really mad at me. Maybe I should've saved him a sticky bun?"

Chef was angrily pacing back and forward. "This was supposed to be my day! I had it all planned! I was gonna eat my sticky buns." Owen gasped. "And relax with one of Heather's facials." Heather gasped. "While I finished readin' Gwen's diary..." Gwen gasped. "And cleaned my toenails. That reminds me, you need to sharpen this." He threw Duncan his dirty knife back. "Then I was gonna loot the rest of Owen's snack stash." 

Owen gasped again. "Not to mention y'all left my kid out in the woods!" Duncan's eyes widened. "Woah, woah, woah. Hold the phone! Lewis is your kid?" I rolled my eyes. "Worst way to find out. Just get on with it." "You all ruined it! So, here's your invinci-darn-bility!" He threw the marshmallows to the girls. 

I knew exactly who was going home tonight. And I knew he deserved it. 

The suspense, kudos to Chef for that...

"You! Choke on this, glutton!" He threw the marshmallow into Owen's mouth, and got up in Duncan's face. "You're finished!" Duncan angrily crossed his arms. "Pfft. Good! Get me outta here, and back to juvie. At least with convicts, you know what to expect." He stood up, and glared at me as he walked past.

I returned the look, while Chef ordered him down the dock. "Left. Left. Left, right, left! Come on, soldier! Do I bear a striking resemblance to somebody who's got all day?" Heather smirked. "What can I say? You had the chance to rock an alliance with me, but, you blew it." Gwen smiled, and fist-bumped him. "You played the game well. Sorry you had to lose over sticky buns." Owen was gonna say something, but just burped in his face instead. Duncan rolled his eyes, and moved on. "Whatever."

All four of us sat around the campfire. "So, looks like we made it to the final three!" "I think I have a very good idea of who I want to lose next round." I scowled at Owen, before standing up, and leaving.

"I just wanna thank everyone who got me to the final three. Courtney. I feel your pain, girl. You should not have been cheated off like that. Noah, you are one seriously smart guy, don't think I didn't notice. And Lindsay, the most fashionable girl on the island next to me, you know you'll always be one of my BFFs."

"I've gotta admit, I didn't think I'd make it this far." Gwen yawned. "But now that I have, I might as well win."

"So... it's Owen, and two hot chicks. Yeah! Partay!" 

Chapter Text

"Campers! Welcome to the semi-finals! Today, we reward our challengers with an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. That's right! Genuine food bi-products served with fresh ingredients relatively close to their expiration dates." I was helping Chef with the pancakes. 

Gwen was sketching in her notebook. "So I actually made it to the final three! Just goes to show how far a bad attitude can get you."

Heather was doing her makeup. "Whatever. I knew I'd make it to the end. Big shocker. I just can't believe weird goth girl made it."

"I wanted to believe it! I dreamt it could be true! And now, the day is finally here! All-you-can-eat pancakes! Yes!"

Heather was exhausted, and Gwen was slightly disgusted at the... 'toppings' of the pancake. Obviously, Owen didn't care. "We're getting pan-cakes! We're getting pan-cakes! Oh, don't be shy, dude. Four words. All. You. Can. Eat. You got the pancakes, I got the stomach. Tee 'em up!" Chef got mad. He picked up the table of pancakes, and dumped it on him. He didn't care. "Oh yeah! Now you're talking, baby!" 

Gwen was still sketching. "Yeah. The money WOULD be awesome. But, you know what would be sweeter? Making sure Heather loses."

Heather folded her arms. "Luckily, I'm up against the freak show, and fatty ginormous. They may as well just give me the check, I mean, come on! I think we all know who's gonna win."

Owen was... Owen. "Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!"

Gwen put her pencil to her lip. "If I win, I'm gonna buy Camp Wawanakwa, so I can burn it down, and turn it into a graveyard!"

Owen was still being Owen. "Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!"

Heather was doing her makeup. "When I win, I'm thinking of my own spin-off series. 'The World: According to Heather.' It's a work in progress." 

Owen shook his head. "I'd never win. But if I did, I'd start every day with pancakes! Cause, they're like, little mini sunshine filled with yummy fun!" 

I turned and faced the camera. "If Owen wins this competition, I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he gets diabetes, and can't eat junk food anymore. He is practically a ticking stink bomb waiting to go off. Kinda like what happened with William the Conqueror."

"Personally, I've had enough drama here to last a lifetime. I mean... Owen's okay, but eight weeks of Heather was about as much fun as a mouth full of impacted molars." Gwen held her jaw.

"Sure, eight weeks with these losers is cause for insanity, but at least the mother ship knows where Gwen is now so they can retrieve her. And Greenpeace can bag and tag Owen as the hazardous waste that he is." Heather giggled.

"But all the all-you-can-eat pancakes in the world wouldn't be special without friends to share them." Owen sighed.

Heather rolled her eyes. "Sure, Owen's dumb luck has won a few challenges, but it's his ability to not be disgusted by anything edible that worries me."

"You ever notice how much a toilet seat looks like a pancake?" He laughed, before licking it.

"And lazy! Ugh! Sloths could take a cue from SLOWen!"

Owen was eating the toilet seat. "I should probably spit this out." But, he fell asleep before he could.

"Thankfully, Gwen has no strength. She's just a low rent gutter punk, with dragon breath, and ugly hair." 

"Heather's strength is obviously her bottomless pit of mean. I'm banking on her massive ego to be her downfall."

Owen was asleep in the confessional.

We were all in the amphitheatre again. It was set up like a game show again, but this time, there wasn't any dares. At least, I didn't think so. "Campers. Welcome to the semi-finals. The producers ran out of insane ways of torturing you, so... they asked the ousted campers for ideas. Turns out they had a lot. They provided us with the sickest, most twisted and insane dares imaginable in TDI's version of... Spin the Bottle! Starting with... Izzy! Trent! Cody! Justin! Noah! Leshawna! Lindsay! Beth! Tyler! Harold! DJ! Geoff! Bridgette! Duncan! Courtney! Eva! Katie and Sadie. And the home-schooled, misogynistic country boy, Ezekiel." 

I raised an eyebrow at Chef, who was wearing a pink, glittery show host dress. I shook it off, because I wanted to get this thing started already. I was already wrong about the dare thing. "Put 'em all together, and we've got a high stakes game of... I Triple Dog Dare You!" Heather folded her arms. "What is this, grade five? Why don't we just do seven minutes of heaven in a skanky basement closet?" Owen cheered. "Yeah! Good call, let's do it!" Heather slapped Owen across the face.

"Each player will take turns spinning the bottle. The camper you land on determines the dare you'll perform. Our lawyers told us you have to have a choice, so.... You can take the dare yourself, and win out a get-out-of-dare freebie, or inflict the dare on a fellow camper in hopes of booting them out." Heather glared at Gwen. "And if we refused to do the dare?" Dad laughed, and shook his head. "Ooh! Not a good option. Anyone who chickens out of their dare will be sent directly to the Dock of Shame, board the Boat of Losers. Do NOT go to bonfire, do NOT collect marshmallow, and do NOT get to win $100,000."

Gwen had crossed her arms. "Wow. A sudden death elimination? Good one."

"Okay. I do want Heather to win, because I don't want to put her in the luxury resort with my friends. But, I also know she doesn't deserve the money. So... do you think it would be better if we just did neither?" I shrugged.

Dad clasped his hands together. "Okay. Who's ready to humiliate themselves first?" Gwen shrugged. "Oh, what the heck. Let's get this over with." Gwen stood up, and spun the wheel. Or... bottle, whatever you wanna say.

"Okay. Here's the deal. Chef and I have a little side bet going. Whoever pukes first has to pony up a hundred bucks."

"Okay! Let's get this party started." Gwen landed on Duncan. "Duncan's dare?" "Lick Owen's armpit!" Almost instantly, all three of the contestants cringed. Dad raised an eyebrow, and pretended to be a game show host. "Gwen. You can perform the dare yourself, or dare one of your competitors to do it!" He chuckled to himself, while Gwen smirked. "Either way, someone's licking some armpit in the next minute."

She turned to Heather, and pointed at her. "I triple dog dare Heather." Heather's eyes widened, as Owen hesitantly lifted his arm. There was so much disgusting gunk in there. Grease, sweat, hair, even flies. Oh, I would hate to be her right now. "You could imagine that you're licking an ice cream cone." "Shut up, Owen!" "Minus the BO." "I'm warning you!" 

She hurriedly put her tongue out and licked it. Halfway through, Owen spoke again. "Oh, and the pit hair." She pulled away, covered her mouth, and gagged. She collapsed, and I walked over with Dad and Chef. "Gross." Dad laughed. "Oh, man! That was so sick! I nearly puked!" Me and Chef looked at him. Although, I was more confused. "Nearly." 

- - -

Heather spun the bottle after pulling one of Owen's pit hairs out of her mouth. She put her hands on her hips as she waited. Gwen and Owen watched anxiously. It landed on Ezekiel. This will definitely be something vomit-worthy. "Ezekiel's dare is... chew your own toenail. Slowly." Heather raised her voice, as she scowled at Gwen. "Gwen! I dare Gwen! Don't choke on it, honey."

Gwen walked past Heather with an eye roll. She sat down in a chair, as Chef clipped one of her toenails. She grabbed it, and put it in her mouth. I gagged, as Heather and Owen covered their eyes. She bit it, and crunched it in her mouth. Heather, on the other hand, was just waiting to be a little bitch about this. "Uh-uh-uh. He said chew it, slowly." Gwen did so, and swallowed it. "There. Satisfied?"

She got up, and sat back down beside Owen. Heather smirked. "Very. I'm just picturing Trent watching this. And, something tells me he won't be eager to lock lips with you anytime soon." Gwen folded her arms, and rolled her eyes. "You should talk. Pit breath."

- - -

It was Owen's turn. He spun the wheel. It landed on Beth's picture. Owen seemed pretty confident about this. "Beth. Re-chewing a wad of Harold's gum." Owen proudly raised his finger. "I will take the dare!" Gwen, Heather and I both had quite a shared, disgusted reaction. Dad did not see the logic. "Dude. It's chewed gum. Harold's.... chewed gum." 

Chef held out a jar with a wad of gum in it. It was absolutely disgusting. Slimy... wet... blech. Owen took it. "I know. But, it must be pretty special if he's saving it!" Owen knocked twice on the glass jar, observing the gum. Chef put on his gloves, and picked up the wad. He put it in Owen's mouth. Gwen covered her mouth with her hands in shock. Owen had no problem chewing it. "Mm! Full body... a delicate, fruity aroma with a hint of citrus. Haha! Robust, yet balanced. Ooh! Summery... Oh! And a crunchy centre."

Me, Dad and Chef all gagged at this. That was absolutely disgusting. I think I know why it was... ugh... crunchy... He blew a bubble with it, and it exploded all over his face and clothes. He cheered happily, as Dad walked over to him. "Owen wins the first freebie!" I butted in. "Aaand... a tetanus shot. If you want." Owen shook his head. "Nah, I'm good, thanks."

"I think Owen's gone a bit loopy." I said, shaking my head in worry.

"This could be harder than I thought..."

- - -

Dad was doing the introduction from the break, which, luckily, was quite short. "Gwen! You're up next." She spun the bottle, and it landed on Cody. Huh! I wonder what Cody's dare is. "Drop a tray of ice into your undies, and let 'em melt!" I giggled at Gwen's confusion. "That's it? I can handle that."

Chef approached with a bucket full of ice. She hesitated, before grabbing a handful, and stuffing them in her pants. "Now that's one cool chick, with a frosty tude. Chillin' by the-" Dad was interrupted by a very, very frustrated and cold Gwen. "J-Just gimme the f-f-freakin' freebie!" She grabbed the bottle off Chef, while Heather stood up.

"My turn! And I'm taking the dare! I don't care what it is!" She stormed over, and spun the bottle. Unfortunately for her... 

"There is no way I was letting those nerdlings get ahead of me. I mean, how bad could the dare be? I'd already licked Owen's armpit."

I laughed at Heather. This was just hilarious. And... also horrifyingly disgusting. "Shut up, Lewis!" "A-Aw, man! Twice in a row's gotta suck!" "I mean it!" I giggled, as Heather knelt down. Owen agreed with me. "Yeah, I mean, considering I never wash in there."  Heather gagged, and Owen smiled. "Not 'cause I don't want to. I just forget!"

Heather hesitated, before slurping the jam out of Owen's belly button. She quickly stood up, with jam all over her. She was absolutely horrified. Owen sat up, happy. "Hey! You didn't puke this time!" She stumbled around for a few seconds, before gagging again. She retched, before she vomited. I warily pat her on the back, pushing back the vomit in my mouth, too. 

Dad looked at Chef. "You still cool?" He nodded.

- - - 

We set Heather up on life support. She was that hurt from her experience. Maybe this isn't a joke anymore. "Okay. We'll give Heather a few more minutes on life support before we start the next round. Okay! Chef made snacks. PB&J, anyone?" I elbowed Dad, while Heather sat up, and vomited again.

Dad stepped away from the bed, while him and Owen took a sandwich.

- - -

Owen spun the wheel. It landed on Izzy, much to his excitement. "Nice! C'mon, Izzy! Bring it!" However, I knew this wasn't going to be good. Dad stifled his laugh, while he grinned. "Give a purple nurple to a sleeping bear." He throws his fists up into the air. "Yes! Aw! Sounds wicked, man! What's a purple nurple?" I whispered it to Owen. He nervously nodded. "Oh... okay."

Despite how nervous he was, he did it anyway. He was attacked by the bear, but still got a freebie. 

- - - 

Gwen spun the bottle confidently. It landed on Harold. "Lick Owen's toe jam." Gwen smirked, and turned to Heather, who was quite worried. "Oh. Is that what that black gunk is?" Heather crossed her arms. "I'll use my freebie." Dad nodded. "Good call."

Heather got up to spin the bottle. It landed on Geoff's photo. "Drink powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet." Heather pointed at Gwen maliciously. This was just... dramatic. Dad was loving it. "Quite the predicament, Gwen. Do you use the freebie? Or do you save it for an even sicker dare down the road? What to do, what to do..." 

Gwen inhaled, and plugged her nose. "I'm going in!"

"So freakin' sick. Chef's going down!" Chris grinned.

"Lewis, go with her. Make sure she does it." Dad looked at me. I nodded. "You got it." 

- - -

I accompanied Gwen to the communal washrooms. Obviously, I had to give her a pep talk before doing this. "I'll be right here if you feel like you're dying after. Okay?" Gwen was fairly worried. "Okay..." I poured the packet of powdered fruit punch into the toilet, before mixing it around with the plunger. 

I hesitantly handed Gwen a straw. She took it, knelt down, and stuck it in the toilet. She actually drank out of it, which made me gag. I forcefully pushed down the vomit in my mouth, as she gagged. She ran out of the bathrooms, and vomited on the grass outside. 

I gently pat her back, as she virtually emptied her guts.

- - -

Gwen sat back down, but she had vomit all over her mouth. "At this rate, Trent's gonna need a fumigation squad just to-" Heather was interrupted when Gwen burped in her face. It was one of those disgusting, sickly burps.

Owen got up, and spun the wheel. It landed on Cody again, as I raised an eyebrow. "Eat... dog food." Owen cheered in victory. "Yeah, baby! Man, sorry, guys. I keep gettin' all the good ones!" Dad laughed, and teased him with the plate full of dog food. "Okay! Down, boy! Heel!" I was a bit concerned, so I perked up. "Owen. Dude. You have two freebies you can use. Even better, you could dare an opponent. Like, say... one without a freebie?"

Heather glared at me. Gwen poked fun at her, and she poked fun back, but Owen denied my offer. "It's cool, bro! My dog digs this food. Time to find out what I've been missing. Haha!" He grabbed the plate, and shoved the entire thing down his throat. Like, he didn't react at all. He was just noisily chewing. 

"Mm! Meaty tasting!" Then, suddenly, everyone vomited. First it was Dad. He handed Chef $100 for some reason. Then, Chef threw up, then Gwen, then Heather. Owen and I were both fine, but the other four? Not so... much.

"Okay. That was so gross!" Chris vomited again. "Is there nothing these freaks won't do?"

Heather got Trent's dare. 'Eat hard-boiled eggs while laying down'. She did it without vomiting, surprisingly.

Gwen got Leshawna's. 'Walk across a tight rope holding meat above shark-infested waters'. She completed it.

Owen got Bridgette's. 'Dress like a baby'. He did it just fine. Dad and Chef snickered and giggled at him, though. 

It was Gwen's turn again. She got Katie and Sadie's dare. 'Kiss a dead fish'. It was traumatising. We didn't tell her to get French with it. But, she did it anyway. Dad threw up again.

Own got Eva's dare. 'Wear a beard made of bees'. He did it, but got stung.

Heather had Noah's dare. 'Wrestle an alligator'. The thing is, she was just punching it. It didn't even fight her. It was just swimming around calmly.

- - -

Dad was just as surprised as I was. "I can't believe no one's dropped out, and Owen's got twenty freebies!" He cheered for himself. "Yeah, baby!" He played 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' on his bottles proudly. "Gwen and Heather have squat. But, not to worry. There's still plenty to be motivated about." Owen played another tune on his bottles, which I was unfamiliar with, but after that, finished off with two armpit farts.

Gwen whispered to Owen about something, while I stood around, waiting to be told what to do. "Chris! I'd like to give away half my freebies!" I blinked at him in surprise. Dad was a bit confused. "Uh, well... Uh... Okay. Are you sure?" He split the bottles between him and Gwen. Heather wasn't too happy. 

"Hello? Ix-nay on the onspiracy-cay! That is totally unfair! Get out your rule book and do your rule checking thing! They’re obviously gonna gang up and whoop me with dares! There as to be a rule about this kind of thing!" Now, both e and Dad both knew he didn't make up any rules. I shook my head at him. "Sorry. Them's the rules. Not a rule to be had. Nada!" 

Heather angrily crossed her arms. Gwen got up and spun the bottle happily. It landed on Courtney. "Drink a blended purée of Chef's mystery meat." Chef approached Gwen, but she stopped him. "Eenie, meenie, miney, Heather..." She pointed at Heather. She was incredibly, incredibly nervous.

"I knew ALL of Chef's recipes. I helped him cook most of the time! But that... uh, 'mystery meat' thing? I've got no clue. That means it must be bad."

She drank it, and gagged.

And so, that's how this round went.

'Swim in an inflatable pool of leeches.' Heather!

'Pretend to be a chicken in a coop.' Heather!

'Repeatedly slap yourself in the face.' Heather!

'Eat a live cockroach.' Yup! It's Heather again.

'Kiss one of Chef's socks in the guise of a sock puppet play of the Princess and the Frog.' Heather, once more!

'Being fired out of a cannon and into a pig poop pile at point-blank range while wearing a bucket of said poop.' Can you guess? That's right. Heather!

And so... it came to the final dare. Gwen spun the wheel. The wheel landed on Lindsay. "Finally, I can catch a break! There is no way Lindsay can think of anything bad." 

Now, I knew what this one was. And I was gonna do it myself. 

"Ooh, you're not gonna like this one. Have your head shaved by Lewis." She was shocked, to say the least. "WHAT!?" Gwen and Owen high-fived. Gwen laughed, and nodded her head. "Lindsay rules!"

- - -

Heather sat in a chair, while me and Dad stood in front of her. "What's it going to be, Heather? Are you going to do the dare?" I pulled out the razor. "Or, the Walk of Shame?" 

I edged closer to Heather's hair with the razor, really impatient. I wanted to do this. I had been WAITING for this all season! 

All of a sudden, she kicked my hand, and the razor went flying. It landed on Heather's hair, and both her and the chair fell backwards. 

I laughed, and pointed at her. "YES! HAHA! FINALLY!" "Wow. Well, uh... that was an unfortunate accident. Looks like Heather's out." She sat up, and her hair was in patches, and it was messy, and she had bald spots all over the place. She was horrified. Meanwhile, I was laughing my ass off. "What are you talking about? He shaved my head!"

Dad shook his head. "True, but you didn't actually accept the dare. If you had, you'd still be bald, but at least you'd be in the game." Owen grinned, and spoke sarcastically. "That was harsh. Tough break..."

She screamed in the chair. It was so loud, that I was certain even the people at Playa des Losers could hear it. She grabbed a hold of me, and pulled me up to her face. I grinned evilly, and glared at her. "Sorry, Chandler. Them's the rules." "I THOUGHT YOU SAID THERE WEREN'T ANY RULES!" She let me go, and looked at Dad. He smirked, and made the exact face I was. "Yeah, I know. It's complicated. But, here's the rub. You lose. They win."

Gwen and Owen stood up. "No way! We won!" Owen laughed. They hugged each other happily, and danced around on the table. Heather scowled. "Fine! You'll be hearing from my lawyers!" I snickered. "Yeah. I know. It's gonna be a long ride." Dad threw the boat keys to Chef, as we all walked down the Dock of Shame to watch Heather go.

- - -

Heather got onto the boat. "A long ride to court when I sue you for everything you've got!" The grin was plastered onto my face. I couldn't be happier right about now. "And then, there were two. Tune in to see who will win the check for $100,000 on Total. Drama. Island!" Heather wouldn't shut up. "You want drama? You’ll be penniless! Jobless! Your name will be mud on every block from here to Cape Breton!"

That was it.

- - -

Me, Owen and Gwen were celebrating. We were celebrating Heather's long-awaited departure from Total Drama Island. Everybody was happy about it. "Yes! I can't believe it took this long to get her off!" "And you were the cause, Lewis!" I laughed. "I know! I intimidated her... with a razor!" 

We were all laughing happily about it. 

Yet, she was still on my mind. 

Chapter Text

"Welcome back. We asked our finalists to record their thoughts in our confessional booth before going to the final round."

"I had a wicked time! It was awesome."

"What was it like being here for eight weeks...? It sucked. That's what."

"You think it's easy cookin' for twenty-two ungrateful teenagers? Man, I've had better jobs in prison."

"The food was awesome!"

"At least someone's appreciative. Slavin' all day at a hot stove."

"The food... was disgusting!"

"'Less rat droppings'. Does this look like a five-star restaurant to you!?"

"And the people were just awesome!"

"The people here... sucked. They were nothing but a bunch of backstabbing, manipulative, two-timing, fame-hungry, dim-witted, certifiably insane, really weird, psychotic, redneck, overbearing, goody-goody, know-it-all, party-obsessed jerks. I was lucky enough to meet five people who are actually sane."

"The one thing I'll be remembered for? Uh... Hm... Well... I hope my great personality!"

"What will I be remembered for? My great personality! Okay. I'm done here."

"Now, it's time to welcome the twenty campers who did not make it to the finals." Owen waved rapidly at everybody, as I was hanging out with Cody. Nobody really wanted to wave back at him. Plus, they were all too busy filing into their separate sides.

"Would everyone who's walked the Dock of Shame and left camp on the Boat of Losers kindly take a seat in the Peanut Gallery of Failure? The side you choose should represent who you would like to cheer on to victory in today's final competition."

I sat with Cody on the 'Gwen' side. We were quietly talking to each other, and I couldn't stop blushing. I mean, seeing him this close was just... woah... "You remind me of a little baby deer. Maybe that's why you looked so adorable in those antlers!" I put a hand on top of his head and smiled. He laughed, flustered. "W-Well, if I'm a deer... you're a puppy." I giggled. "Maybe I am."

"Gwen is going down. How do I know? Well... It's amazing how easy it is to tamper with baked goods! ~Fast acting for strong and reliable relief!~ Sucker!"

I overheard Gwen. "Why is Heather smiling like that?" I looked over, and saw she was smirking. Owen answered instead. "Maybe she just loves her new do! Or, she could just be really happy for us." Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Do you ever have a bad thought about anyone?" Owen shrugged.

"Gwen, Owen. This is your chance to tell the Peanut Gallery of Failure what you would do with the money if you won, and why you deserve it?" "Well, I guess I'm pretty proud of getting this far. I mean, maybe if I can survive here, the rest of high school won't be so bad." Gwen said with a smile. Izzy burst out laughing, but quickly stopped when I gave her a cautious glare.

Gwen continued. "Well, I'm always good for my word, and I did promise to split my hundred grand with Owen. But that would still leave me a ton of cash. I guess I'd go traveling and then to university to study art history." I nodded, while Cody grinned. Leshawna cheered. "Whoo! Yeah, that's it! Girlfriend's got some goals!" Trent smiled. "Very cool."

Dad wasn't all too fussed with the peaceful talk. "Wow. That's really sweet. Boring, but sweet. Owen?" He threw his hands up into the air, and raised his voice. "I'd throw the biggest, hugest, sickest party ever! And, I'd invite everyone here! Booyah!" He even pointed at Dad.

More than half of Gwen's stand left to be on Owen's side. There were previously eleven people rooting for her, including me. Now, there was only six. Wow. Owen's side previously had ten people. Now, they had fifteen. 

Gwen's jaw dropped, as she watched them all loudly cheering for Owen. "At least not all of you are total sellouts." I smiled at her. "Oh! Oh! And I forgot! It'll be on a yacht!" Lindsay got up, and joined the fifteen other people. "Nice." 

Dad stopped all the hustle bustle. "Alright. It's time for the final challenge. The rejected Olympic relay race. Each of the three parts was patched to the committee, but sadly rejected as an Olympic sport. First, each of you has to put on one of these." Dad threw Owen a cow hat, and Gwen a chicken hat.

She looked at it, unimpressed. "I think it's clear why this event wasn't accepted..." Dad brushed off that comment. "Dressed as a cow, and a chicken, run to the first location, and shimmy up the pole to retrieve your flag. If you don't have the flag, don't bother comin' down the pole!" Owen had an orange flag, whilst Gwen's was purple.

"Next, you will cross a three hundred meter balance beam, suspended over a massive gorge, while carrying an eagle's egg." Owen chuckled. "Oh. Hehe, is that all?" Dad shook his head. "No. Below, your friends, the rare, but real, man-eating, freshwater sharks." Gwen glared at Owen. "You had to ask." "The final leg of the race is a long distance run. Returning to the finish line, here. The first camper to arrive wins."

Gwen and Owen put on their hats, and made some small talk. "Good luck, Owen. If I had to lose to anyone here, it'd be you." Owen smiled. "Aww. That's so nice. I hope you lose to me, too!" Geoff stood up, and cheered. "Yeah, go, Owen! We want a party!" Owen pointed at him. "You're gonna get one! Woohoo!" The sixteen teenagers on Owen's stand cheered for him.

Leshawna stood up. "Go, Gwen! Kick his butt, girl!" Trent cheered, too. "You can do it, Gwen!" I looked at Eva, curiously. She answered me with three words. "I don't cheer." Trent wasn't done. "Come on, Gwen! You've got this!" "On your marks. Get set. Go!" 

Izzy cheered for Owen. "Yay, Owen! Go, Owen! Run!" Trent ran beside Gwen, much to her confusion, while Izzy and Geoff ran beside Owen. 

"Izzy's such a great cheerleader, but, dude, she scared me a little."

I tapped Cody. "Hey. Wanna know a shortcut?" I took his hand, and lead him through some bushes for a couple seconds, where the flagpoles were waiting. "Cool!" "Yeah, cool. Dad's a bit lazy when it comes to finals. They don't have to know that, though."

Gwen and Trent made it to the pole first. Gwen began climbing up it as she talked to Trent. "You know, just because you're rooting for me doesn't mean I have to like you." Gwen was having some trouble getting up. "I thought you were over the whole 'me kissing Heather' thing. It wasn't my fault. She ambushed me." "I said I was over it, I didn't say I wanted to go out with you anymore!" 

Gwen grunted as she tried to climb up the pole. I raised an eyebrow. "Why is my flagpole so slippery?!" She groaned, and got back down to the ground. "Well, if you're gonna stand there annoying me, make yourself useful." Trent took his shirt off, as Cody grumbled to himself. I looked down at him. "What's up?" "I want muscles like Trent." I put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"You don't need muscles like Trent. I don't want you straining yourself to become him, Cody." I smiled, as he looked down. "But he's so much better than me." I gasped. "No, he isn't! Sure, he might have muscles, and be taller, but you're way smarter! And you're cuter, and you're nicer, and you're better at lots of things." I rambled on about all the good things about him. 

However, about a minute in, I was interrupted by Leshawna. "This is real cute, and all, but we don't have time for daydreamin'! Let's go, boys!" I stopped, and laughed nervously. I nodded at Cody, and he returned it, which meant he would let me hold him. I picked him up, and rushed ahead.

"Okay. These chicks are all starting to scare me. Maybe I won't invite them to the party. Sike!" Owen laughed, although his joke wasn't exactly a joke.

I had seemingly gotten ahead of the crowd, because I saw my dad talking to an intern. "What's Chris doing?" Cody whispered to me. I looked at him in my arms. "He's making sure the challenges are safe. I'll show you." I walked closer to Dad.

"Hey, Dad." He turned his head. "So! When's the wedding?" I giggled, while Cody blushed in my arms. "Dad! We just got ahead of the crowd..." "I see. Ahem. Anyway. Okay, new intern. I know it's weird that you're starting on our last show, but all the other interns died already."

Cody looked up at me, semi-concerned. I didn't look down. "All you have to do is test out this final challenge to make sure it's moderately safe." The sharks were jumping out of the water. These were more dangerous than our normal man-eating ones. But, he didn't have to know that. 

He shut his eyes, and began to walk on the log of wood that stretched over the gap. Dad called from beside me. "Don't look down, dude!" He said with a small laugh. However, the intern got distracted, and did just that. He slipped, and fell all the way down into the water, where all the sharks were. Safe to say, we won't be seeing him again.

Dad looked at me, to agree on a decision with me. Although my arms were full, I shrugged. "It looks safe enough. The wood didn't break..." He nodded. "Worthy argument. That'll do." 

He walked away. Cody looked up at me, with worry. "That was totally not safe! The guy's probably dead!" I shook my head. "I live by my dad's code. If something breaks, that's on us. If someone breaks, that's on them. I know it's a bit cruel, but that's a new guy. The sharks don't eat new guys. They smell weird, they're unfamiliar. That means they'll taste gross. To them, anyway."

He nodded nervously, as we got to the other side of the massive gap in the mountain. Gwen ran up to us, with Trent. It was a large gap, and I couldn't hear what they were saying. Gwen took an egg, as Trent joined us on the other side. He looked at Cody uncertainly. "Uh... I didn't know this was your... 'thing'..." I rolled my eyes, as Cody pouted. "It's nothing. It's just easier to get around like this. "Hey, I don't judge." 

Gwen then began walking on the pole. "Okay. Gwen has her eagle's egg, and is starting the next challenge." Trent raised an eyebrow at Dad and Chef. "What are the eggs for?" Chef chuckled, while Dad held his chin deviously. "Oh, you'll see... hehe..." Owen grabbed his egg, and began crossing the bridge. Gwen was already half-way across, though. "Alexander the freaking Great! That's a deep gorge!" 

Owen's screaming distracted Gwen, and made her wobble. "Whoa, whoa!" All five of us gasped as we watched Gwen nearly lose her footing. Trent anxiously looked at me for some kind of answer. I thought for a second. Then, I had an idea. "Gwen! That's it! Get your balance back! Stay calm!" 

Owen panicked. "Oh, no! Hang on, Gwen! You can do it! Just don't fall into the shark-infested water!" She was still trying to regain her balance. "Really not helping, Owen!" "Sorry!" She then hesitantly put a foot forward, and stabilized herself. Trent grinned happily, as an eagle cried, which made both Owen and Gwen stop in their tracks. "What was that!?" I worriedly looked at Dad.

He grinned. "Angry eagle parents?" Duncan smirked at him, while Courtney watched, scared. "Oh, snap! That is messed up!" Duncan and Dad high-fived. Courtney gasped. "What? You mean you LIKE watching this? They could die!" Duncan scoffed. "Oh, mellow your yellow, babe. This is awesome TV!"

"Duncan is so immature. What is it about almost dying, and bodily functions that guys love?"

"Why would I wanna watch Gwen and Owen risk their lives!?" While Duncan and Courtney bickered like children, I let Cody down, as we both tried to come up with something to help Gwen. "Okay. Cody, make sure you're Gwen's main focus. I'll ward off any tricks Heather tries to pull." 

He nodded, and rushed to the edge of the cliff. "Schnikies! It's coming this way! What do we do!?" Owen screamed, while they both ducked. "Step on it!" Cody yelled. Both Gwen and Owen hurried their pace, while the eagles cried again. Heather walked up with Justin from behind us. "Incensed eagle parents. Nice twist." Dad smirked at Heather, and nodded, while my eyes widened. Gross. 

Trent and Cody encouraged Gwen. "You can do it, Gwen! You're the most awesome girl I've ever met! In fact, I was thinking... I think I lo-" Gwen and Cody shared a reaction. "She/I can't deal with distractions right now, Trent!" Heather smirked. "Then you're gonna hate this!" I raised an eyebrow at Heather as she ripped off Justin's shirt.

"Oh, wow..." "So beautiful. No words..." I growled, and pushed Justin over. I made sure to keep him down while I yelled to Gwen. "Gwen! Ignore the incredibly hot man-candy! Keep walking, you got this!" Gwen quickly shook her head, as she got her focus back. She got off the log, and put her egg in the nest. "Huh? Is that all you've got?" She confidently walked past, while I got off of Justin. Owen shook himself out of it, too.

I wasn't waiting up for Owen though. "Gwen! Great job! Cody, Trent! Let's move it!" They both rushed over to me, as Owen made his way over to the nest.

- - -

We were all walking at a relatively slow pace. We were way ahead, so there was no need to rush. Trent and Gwen were talking, me and Cody were talking. "I'm just glad you're okay. I mean, you've been through a lot since I left." He looked up at me. "I guess you could say that. But, hey, as my favourite fictional character says, 'Such is the life of an adventurer.'" We both laughed, as Owen came rushing by us. "W-Where's the bathroom out here?!"

He rushed into the confessional, and Dad anxiously put his hands on his head. "Owen, no! Not in the confession can!" Five people from Owen's team gasped as he relieved himself in the confessional. Me, Cody, Gwen and Trent ran by Heather, all four of us smirking. "I'd avoid the confession booth for a while." Leshawna followed behind. "That's it! Go, girl, you got it!"

"So, just to clarify, you're not mad at me anymore?" Gwen shook her head. "Nope." Trent raised an eyebrow. "But you don't trust me, either?" Gwen nodded. "Right again." "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Gwen furrowed her brows. "Um, nope. Nothing comes to mind." Trent came to a sudden stop, picked up a boulder, and continued running. 

I turned my head to him. "What... are you doing?" "Proving my feelings for Gwen!" "By carrying a boulder?" "It's not easy, you know. A guy would have to be really in love to do this, don't you think?" Cody thought about it, then stopped, and picked up a boulder. He then continued running. I rolled my eyes at him. Gwen interjected. "Or just really stupid." Trent fought back. "I get straight A's!" "Well, I think you're nuts."

"I'm not stupid... or nuts, right, Lewis?" Cody said, straining while he held the boulder. I laughed. "Ha! Of course not!" Gwen scoffed. "The three of you are gonna kill yourself, you know." Trent strained with his rock. "I'm not giving up on you." Cody strained with his. "I really love Lewis!" Meanwhile, Cody was making me laugh. 

- - -

We were all sitting back at our stands. Cody was excitedly waiting with me, but Leshawna seemed to be the one to be showing all the hype. "Ooh!" Eva, Cody, Leshawna and I all stood up in anticipation. "There they are. Two real competitors. And, if I may say, truly personifying the spirit of the reject Olympics."

Leshawna and Cody cheered for Gwen, while the people on Owen's team weren't at all happy. Owen had fallen behind, and was crawling on his hands and knees, while Gwen was doing a sprint. Izzy walked past. "Hot brownies comin' through. Lindsay, the fan! Now!" Lindsay switched on a fan, as my eyes widened. 

They were trying to cheat! Luckily, their plan was paused, because Lindsay had the fan the wrong way round. It blew Heather's mullet wig off. She screamed, and stood up. "My wig! Can't you freaks do anything right?!" Leshawna growled. "Ooh, that's it! I've had about enough of that girl." She stood up, and was storming towards Heather.

Heather put her wig on, but Leshawna picked her up. I noticed she was heading for the confessional, and smirked. Much to Heather's disagreement, she was thrown in there with Owen's farts.

I turned my focus back to the cheaters, where the fan was blowing the smell of hot brownies towards Owen. After he had gotten a smell, he had immediately gotten up, and went on a full sprint towards the plate. He pushed Gwen out the way, much to our horror. 

He charged towards Izzy, and knocked her over. He stuffed his face full of brownies, as his team all surrounded him, and cheered for him. I went over to Gwen with Cody, and helped her up. She sighed, and looked down. "So, that's that. Owen won..." I looked at Trent, who felt the same as I did. "Ah, look at it this way. It's gonna be one heck of a party." 

Trent walked past her, as I raised an eyebrow at Gwen. She got the memo. "Ahem. Aren't you forgetting something?" She glanced at the boulder teasingly. Instead of the boulder, Trent picked Gwen up, and slung her over his shoulder.

She giggled. "Ah! Put me down!" Trent smiled, and teased her. "Say you'll go out with me. C'mon, say it!" Gwen chuckled, and rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay! I'll go out with you!" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Cool." I immediately celebrated this. "Yes! Finally! Haha, you don't know how LONG I was waiting for that!" I pulled them both into a hug. 

Cody was standing to the side, and I noticed. I released them from the hug, and walked over to him. But, what he did wasn't something I expected.

He pulled me into a hug, and kissed me. In front of all twenty teenagers. It went on for a good few seconds. It was the best feeling in my life. After we pulled away from each other, I laughed, and a massive blush grew on my face. 

His face was as red as a tomato. Owen seemed to have witnessed all of this. "You guys are going out?! Awesome!" He pulled us four into a hug. I couldn't stop smiling at Cody, though. "You're all coming to my party together! Woo-hoo! I'm a hundred-thousand-dollarianaire! Woo-hoo!"

- - -

"I- I can't believe you did that!" I said, grinning at Cody. "You can't believe it? I can't believe it! I've never done that before!" He said, grinning back up at me. "Well, get used to it." I said, half-joking. He sat down at the campfire, with the other 21 teenagers, and I was with Dad.

"Here we are. At the last bonfire, ever. After eight brutal weeks, it is my great pleasure to announce the winner of Total Drama Island... Owen!" Owen got up, and threw his fists into the air. We all cheered for him, with the exception of Heather. "Yeah, baby! Hey, what can I say, Chris? Haha! I'm so psyched! This is just..." I finished off his sentence with a massive grin. "Awesome?!" "Yes! Party next week, everyone!" Everyone cheered again. 

Dad grinned at me, and I smiled back. He handed me it. "You can do it." I nodded. "Owen, at this time, I give you the ultimate symbol of survival." I opened up his hand, and put the marshmallow in it. "The final marshmallow." He looked at it happily in his hand. "I'll treasure it for the rest of my life... Aw, screw it!" He threw it into his mouth. "I can buy all the marshmallows I want now!"

"How pathetic." 

I turned my head. 

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

 . . .

. . .

. . .

Shit.

Chapter Text

I turned my head.

...Shit.

"What... are you doing here?" I furrowed my brows at her. I thought she was kidding. I thought she just tuned in to tease me. "Oh, nothing much. I've just come to settle the contract between me and your father." She's become a lot less...  like her. Is this actually going to be a simple thing?

What am I saying? Of course it isn't. I took a deep breath, and forced a smile. "Great! So, um, why don't you do that somewhere else? Like, say... where there aren't hundreds of cameras broadcasting this on live television?" I raised my hand to show her the hidden cameras all over the place.

"Yeah. Good idea. We'll go to the infirmary. Where it's hidden." Dad brought up, while she snapped her fingers. "That'll have to do. Let's finish this." She turned on her heel and began walking away, towards the tent. Dad looked at me with worry, and I whispered to him. "Remember what you told me. Keep calm, maintain balance, and come to a fair agreement." He nodded, and hurried off to join her.

I groaned, and rolled my eyes. "Uh, who was that?" Courtney asked, as she pointed towards the infirmary. I raised an eyebrow. "That's... my mom. She's been in the slammer for nine years, now she wants some form of custody. Although, that's not what the restraining order said..." I mumbled that last sentence under my breath.

"So, what? A lady wants custody of her kid. Which, I'm assuming, is you. What's wrong with that?" Duncan raised his eyebrow. I bit my lip, trying to think of a way to put this gently. "Well, I think the question you want to ask is what's wrong with her. And, I can say, a lot of things." I nodded. Owen looked around, confused. "So... when are we having my big party?" I scoffed. "Tell you what. How about you have a mini-party in your cabins, while I sort out what's happening tonight." He happily agreed, and so did several other people.

A majority of them left. The only ones left were Izzy, Cody, Gwen, and Trent. "Why aren't you going? Not in a party mood?" I asked them curiously. Izzy was fairly concerned about it. She had wrinkles under her eyes from how wide they were. "Nuh-uh! She's the most crazy person in my old asylum! I can't party with that señora loca running around!" I sighed. "Why am I not surprised?"

Cody shrugged. "I just wanna make sure you're okay." Gwen and Trent agreed. "Yeah. After what you told me and Leshawna earlier in the competition, I have to be honest. She's bad." I rolled my eyes. "Well, at least not all of you are total sell-outs." I grinned at Gwen, and she smiled back. Izzy perked up. "You told them about your mom? I wanna hear how crazy she really is!"

I sat down with them. "Well, uh... let's see. Do you want it story-told, or a summary?" Izzy, being the absolutely mental ball of energy she is, immediately shook my arm. "Ooh! Ooh! Story-told!" I nodded. "Alright. Give me a second to think."

And... I told them. I told them everything.

The words that came out of my mouth turned into visual flashbacks. Things I had forgotten, or more specifically, things I had wanted to forget. Things I had pushed far back into my mind.

How she was a raging alcohol addict, how she was a raging drug addict. Her always becoming violent and unhinged when she couldn't get the things she wanted. Involving herself with a criminal family, and even considering giving me up to the mafia for a reward. Whenever she left the house to buy more from her Italian friends, it was peace like no other. For it only to be shattered into millions of pieces when she returned. Forcing me to do things I didn't want to do. Using my body for money, all those horrible things. Her tendency to use foul words. Even fouler punishments when I didn't do everything she ordered me around to do. When I made a tiny mistake, she would scream at me until she couldn't, to which she would resort to physical abuse. Whenever she spotted tears or any kind of negative emotion coming from within me, she would yell. The only comfort I ever had was a stuffed kitten.

"And... um... I think that's about it..." I lifted my head a little higher to see several other campers had joined us. They all had the exact same expression on their faces. Shock, horror, surprise... "Uh... guys? You okay, there?" Then, they all shook it off, but were still super surprised. "Dude... your mom's, like, the worst!" Bridgette agreed with Geoff. "I'm so sorry that you had to experience all that growing up. Nobody should go through that."

I looked away, slightly embarrassed. "No, it's... I'm used to it. Um... she might act better, now, though!" Noah shook his head. "You need to stop giving her the benefit of the doubt. In fact, I don't know why you did it to start with." I narrowed my eyes. "Well, given the fact I was five, I didn't exactly know any better."

Duncan waved his hand. "Give him a break, Noah. I mean, he did almost become victim to a mafia. Wow. Never thought I'd hear myself say that..." I shook my head in agreement, while multiple others began giving their thoughts on the whole ordeal.

I didn't really want to hear much more of this, so I stood up, and left them with their opinions. I'm so glad I got that off of my chest. I'm gonna see how the party animals are doing.

I stepped into the Gopher cabin to see Owen and some other people partying. He shouted over the top of the loud music. "Hey, Lewis! Wanna join us?!" I answered him. "No! I just wanted to check up on you!" I noticed Justin was relaxing on a bed, just letting the loud music play. I don't think he even realised it was playing. I mean, he did have earplugs in. 

Heather switched off the music. "What do you want, Lewis?" I pointed to the bonfire. "You might wanna go hang with those guys. Boy, do they have some news for you." She looked at Owen, who was semi-convinced. She scoffed, and walked past me. "Fine! This better be good." 

Soon enough, everybody followed. Apart from Justin. I raised an eyebrow. "Hey, uh, Justin. The other people are going to the bonfire. Do you wanna join 'em?" He shook his head. "No thanks. Heat is going to make me sweat, and sweat is a big no-no in my modelling contract." I furrowed my brows. "Uh... alright, then." I shut the door behind me, and dusted off my hands.

"HE'S WHAT?!" I heard Heather yelling, all the way from down here. I laughed to myself. But, I was interrupted by a very nervous Chris McLean. "Hey, uh... Lewis... Your mom wants to talk to you..." I narrowed my eyes at him. "Oh? Well, okay..."

I walked to the infirmary, where I slyly picked up a timer. I sat down at the table, and slammed the timer down. "You've got three minutes. Go." "Three minutes? Lil-" "I'm being generous. And, my name's Lewis. Talk." She mumbled something, and sighed. "Very well. I was hoping you could sign the custody contract. Your father has."

I picked it up, and narrowed my eyes as I read it. She continued talking as I scanned the page. "You know, as your mother, I only want what's best for you. The court needs your approval of this. I know we haven't had the best experiences in the past..." I laughed. "Oh, I hear that." I could feel her glare through the page. "But... I was hoping we could clean the slate. I'm better! I've improved, I haven't got any addictions!" I clicked my tongue. "Don't entertain me, Mary..."

"I just think-" Then, suddenly, the timer rang out. I turned it off, and stood up. "That's three minutes. What a shame. Looks like the court isn't getting my permission. I'll be keeping this too, thanks." I walked out of then tent, and read through the contract as I sat down at the bonfire with everyone else.

I mumbled the words under my breath, as everybody looked over my shoulder. "She really gettin' this serious with it?" Leshawna spoke, surprised. "Of course she is. She's trying to get me to sign a forged legal document. She wants to get it over with quickly so she isn't caught out." 

Dad walked over, and checked it out, too. "You signed it?" I shook my head. "No. It's not a real contract. See, it says here. 'The mother will have sole and executive custody of the children'." I tapped it with the back of my palm. "If this was a real, certified, legal contract, it would say 'of the child'. Mom mentioned it was from the court. They wouldn't make a mistake like this." 

He gasped. "I signed a forged document?!" I shrugged. "I wouldn't worry." I threw it into the fire, interlocked my hands, and rested my head on them. Owen spoke up. "So... can I have my party, now?" I turned my head to Owen. "Well... that depends. Izzy. Can you get rid of a woman called Mary Parson?"

A massive grin plastered her face. "You- I- You want me- I can-?! You would let me!?" "Knock yourself out." "YES!"

Dad sat down while the campers watched Izzy go wild. "I almost... lost you to her." He was in clear disbelief. I put a hand on his back. "But I'm still here." He blinked a few times to rid himself of his tears, and turned his head to me. "How did you know it was forged?" I smiled at him. "Jerd McLean knows a lot, Dad." 

He chuckled, and pulled me into a hug. I overheard Izzy really giving it to Mom. "The only person that can harass Lewis is ME! Isabella-Izzy-Kaleidoscope-E-Scope-Explosivo-Esquire!" I chuckled, and released Dad from the hug.

"E-Scope?" He raised an eyebrow. I nodded. "I told you. She's mad." Izzy came out with her, and threw her onto the boat she arrived on. "Mr. Boat Man! Send this woman back to wherever she came from!" He did just that. I think Mom was too stunned to even fight back.

Almost instantly, I wrapped myself around Izzy, and squealed. "Thank you, thank you!" She laughed, and hugged me tighter. While we were having our small celebration, the campers all came towards Dad. "You know what it's time for..."

We all knew what was in store for him.

- - -

Owen, Geoff and Duncan picked Dad up, and carried him down the dock while everyone else followed him. He was protesting. "No, no, no! Guys, my hair! Dudes!" They were all cheering. "One... two... three!" 

They threw him into the lake, and laughed. He spat out some water, and frowned. Hell, even Chef was laughing at him. "I've been wanting to do that all summer! How do you like that, pretty boy?! Huh?!" I giggled, and looked at Geoff. He smirked at me. "Oh, Chef~" He looked around at me, Geoff, Owen and Duncan. He was nervous, to say the least. "Haha! You're next, dude!"

The girls cheered again. Chef ran away screaming while the three boys chased him. Me and Gwen laughed, as we approached Heather. Gwen elbowed her. "Oh, come on! You've gotta be a little bit happy to see him get dunked." She huffed. "No." I raised my eyebrow. "Yeah... A bit." "You still stink, though."

I chuckled.

- - -

Everybody came around the campfire again. Chef and Dad were someplace else, drying off. I leant against the barrel, while everybody else sat down.

"So. What do you think is gonna happen now?" Owen happily grinned. "I'm gonna get a cheese cellar!" Geoff stood beside me. "Geoff? Is our little, uh, 'joke' about Brittany still going?" I snickered. He nodded with a grin. "I bet, dude." Duncan raised an eyebrow. "Who's Brittany?" I looked at Geoff, and we both stifled a laugh.

Bridgette rolled her eyes at us. "And here I thought you'd forgotten about that." "It would be so cute though, wouldn't it?" I grinned. "I guess so." Bridgette nodded. 

Chapter Text

We were all relaxing at Playa des Losers. Cody was playing frisbee with Tyler, Sadie and Katie were mindlessly swooning over Justin, Chef was on the grill, Owen was partying, Izzy was challenging Eva to see how many marshmallows they could eat...

"This is nice." I nodded with a smile. After Tyler had ran face first into a lamppost, Cody sat down. "It is. Sorry if this is a probing question, but... Where do you think your mom is right now?" I thought for a few seconds. "Probably back in Newfoundland. Or... whatever hotel in Muskoka she came from." 

I laughed with Cody. The burping from Izzy caused a massive wave in the pool. It was so strong that it forced Lindsay over to us. She now sat, very confused, on the edge of the pool. Harold was flirting with Leshawna per usual.

"How can you not love a woman who can barf like a guy, and come back for more?!"

"Yeah, Leshawna and I are pretty tight. I'm sure we'll hook up after the show's over. Maybe move in together when we're like, thirty. I'd have to ask my mom first, but I'm sure it'd be all right. Maybe she'd let us have the basement. That'd be cool."

Leshawna came over and sat next to me, Gwen and Trent, while Cody resumed his frisbee game with Tyler. "I think the best thing about playing this stupid game was meeting the three of you." Trent and Leshawna nodded. "I feel the same way." "No doubt." I turned my head to see Dad struggling with Chef to get some food. I smiled, but Gwen caught my attention. "Lewis?" "Huh? Oh, yeah. Definitely!" 

She pulled out a few photos. "I can't wait for you to meet my buds back home. This is Marilyn, Pixiecorpse, and Reaper." They were all much more 'intense' goths than Gwen. I noticed Leshawna and Trent were unsure of how to react, which put Gwen in an awkward position. "Well, I think they all look like pretty cool people." I interjected. 

Cody managed to skip the frisbee like a stone across the pool. I believe he did that to impress me, because he kept throwing glances my way, then looking away. Unfortunately, it hit Tyler right in the chin, which made him fall into the pool. 

Lindsay was sitting with Beth. She was talking so, so loudly, though. "Aww, look! Maggie, Bree and Heidi are planning a giant welcome home party for me!" Beth grinned. "Lucky!" "And, eee! Dusty will be there!" They both squealed, while Tyler was flailing about in the pool. DJ had it covered. He tore off his clothes, and jumped into the pool. Luckily, he did get both people out the pool. Or, uh... Tyler carried an unconscious DJ out.

Harold was reading out paragraphs from Noah's book. He walked past us, and stopped a few feet away. Noah was hopelessly covering his ears. "And that's why beavers shouldn't be considered members of the vermin family. Their skeletal structures are, like, totally different from rats." He imitated a gun with his fingers, and shot himself in the head. "Pew." "I mean, just look at their teeth!" He pretended to vomit, and also pretended to hang himself, choking as he did so. He got a laugh out of me. "I can loan you my journal when I've made a bunch of drawing of beavers and rats if you promise not to get food on it, and stuff." He responded in his classic monotone voice. "No thanks. I'm good."

"Speaking of journals, I'm gonna go write in mine. Gwen looked at me, surprised. "It's not full already?" I shrugged. "Hammerspace." I stood up, and walked into the hotel. I made the mistake of leaving it in Beth's room when we were hanging out. I've got keys to all the rooms. Bonus of being the host's kid. But I never thought I'd actually have to use them.

As soon as I stepped into that room, I was reminded how all of them are suited to their guests' likings. Beth's was completely pink, stuffed animals sitting on a shelf on the wall, ballerina photo hanging by the window... I was starting to wonder whether these were designed after the contestants' homes or not. Anyway, I need to get what I came for, and leave. I saw my black and white notebook laying on the large bed. It really stood out in a place like this. 

I made sure it hadn't been tampered with, and all the stickers were still on it, all the pages were intact, it was like she hadn't even touched it. "Lewis? What are you doing in my room?" I raised my head from the book to see Beth standing at the door. "Oh, I just came to get my journal back. I hope you don't mind." She raised an eyebrow. "No, of course I don't! How'd you get in?" Uh... do I tell her about the keys? I don't want to be pickpocketed on my first day here... "Oh, the door was unlocked." A drop of sweat ran down my face.

"The door was unlocked? The door was unlocked?! What kind of answer is that!?" I face-planted.

I was waiting for her negative reaction. "Oh, right. Must've been my fault. Whoops!" "Yeah, haha... I'll just be leaving now." I made my way out of her room in a hurry. That was so, so, so embarrassing. The door was unlocked... That was just dumb.

I walked out, journal in hand, and noticed everybody glaring at Dad as he approached. He was carrying a semi-heavy suitcase, and dropped it when he stopped walking. "Hello, campers!" Duncan rolled his eyes, and put his hand on his hips. "Ha! That's ex-campers to you." Heather did the same thing. "Yeah. Your twisted game is over, remember?" Dad whispered to me. "We'll see about that." I laughed under my breath, and rolled my eyes at him.

"Congratulations to our winner, Owen. You played hard, fought hard, and farted harder. Not sure why, but you beat every other person on this island, and your pockets will soon be stuffed with cheddar!" Everybody cheered when Chef held up the check. Owen, being Owen, reacted like Owen. "Mm... cheddar..." Dad put his hands on his hips. "But! What I'm about to offer you may change all that. Inside this suitcase is one... million... dollars! We had our PAs make a cardboard check of this awesome prize!"

A helicopter carried a massive check. And by massive, I mean about the size of the hill the campers dived off of at the start of Total Drama Island. Much, much, much wider, though. I gasped, as Dad yelled. "We went through a LOT of cardboard to make this thing!" He lowered his voice back to normal, as he put a hand on Owen's back. 

"Owen, my man. This million dollars could be yours. All you have to do is figure out where we're about to hide it, and bring it to the Dock of Shame before anyone else does." Gwen raised an eyebrow, as she looked around. "You're telling us that we all have a chance to win a million dollars?" Dad smiled. "Yep. What do you say, Owen? Will you settle for a hundred G's or one... million... dollars?!"

He thought for a good few seconds. There was sweat running down his face. He darted his eyes around at the other contestants. He took a deep breath, and jumped into the air. "Game on, Baby!" He laughed. Chef ripped the check in half, while an intern walked over, picked up the suitcase, and walked away with it. 

He looks... familiar... Weird kind of déjà vu, huh? "That's the spirit, Owen. Throughout the day, I'll give you all hints from the loudspeakers, just to make sure you're not completely lost."

"Okay. This just got interesting again."

I grew more fearful as Dad progressed. He pulled out a pistol, to which both Owen and, strangely, Chef backed away from There was obviously a blank in there, but, I digress. "Alright, campers. The ultimate million dollar challenge starts... now!" He fired the blank, and hit a seagull. The seagull I was just making sure to get the plastic off of. Or, as dad says... 'the island mascot'.

Owen immediately ran off, yelling as he did. "Woohoo! Here I come, million dollars!" He laughed. Everybody else was standing by pool. Nobody but Owen really wanted to go. Heather glared, and walked up to us. "Let me get this straight. After messing with our heads for an entire summer, you expect us to start running around the island like idiots all over again?" Dad grinned. "That's right." 

Leshawna raised an eyebrow. "But, how do we know you didn't stuff that suitcase with bricks, or something?" "You don't!" I turned my head to Dad in suspicion. Noah walked towards the plate of marshmallows, and picked one up. "I'd love to play another round of 'Humiliate the Teens', but I've got a buffet to eat." Duncan and Courtney both walked past, stubborn as ever. "Aw, sit on it." Eva interjected. "Yeah!"

Dad shrugged, as both me and Chef shared a look of surprise. "Fine. Suit yourselves. I'm sure Owen will be happy to have no competition while he makes the easiest million dollars in TV history..." Nobody was convinced. "Fine!" "Fine!" "Yeah, right!" We could hear Owen yelling. It was loud, and it was echoing. "Alright! I'm gonna be rich!" He cheered for himself, while the other campers tried to distract themselves.

Katie cleared her throat, Cody whistled, while everybody else looked around. I raised an eyebrow, before shaking my head, and crossing my arms. "Okay. Let's just clear the air now, before you all trample each other. You all want it, you all can go find it. Fetch." I pointed out towards the island. It was as if an order from God had been established upon us, because everybody immediately ran past us, and made a massive deal over it.

But, their excitement was short-lived. They all tripped, and fell over each other into a massive pile. When Chef had calmed them down, Beth spoke up. "Hey! I've got an idea! Let's work together as a team! We can split the prize twenty-two ways, and share it!" There was silence all around. I groaned, and face-planted. There was, undoubtedly, yet another commotion. 

While Courtney ran off with Duncan, I helped everybody get away from everybody. Or... uh, untangled. Whatever. "You really know how to talk to them." Dad nodded at me. "Right. But, I want to talk to you. Do you seriously have the funding for that? I mean, c'mon, Dad. A MILLION dollars!?" "Course I do! It's all from Total Drama Island ratings. I'm not using any of my money." I sighed. "Okay. But, if anything happens to us financially, it's on you."

I walked off. I did have a weird feeling. Something wasn't right here. I felt somebody tug on my arm. I turned my head, and saw it was just Beth. She had Lindsay with her. "Hey! Do you wanna help us find the million? We can split it three ways!" I thought for a second. "Uh... yeah. You know what? Sure." Ezekiel pulled himself from underneath Heather, and got up. "Can I come too?" Lindsay looked at Beth, and Beth looked at me. "Um... It's up to Lewis. He's the host of our team."

My eyes widened, as I turned my head to Beth. "Wait, whoa, what? I didn't agree on that!" She crossed her arms. "Yes, or no. Can he join us?" I raised an eyebrow, and looked at Ezekiel. "Yeah. He can come." Beth put out a hand. "Wait. You have to be respectful of us. Deal?" Ezekiel shook it happily. "Yeah, okay!"

Heather approached. "Ladies, it's your lucky day! I am gonna help you find this million dollars." I rolled my eyes, and Beth took the hint. "No thanks, Heather. We have enough people already." She was dumbfounded. "Excuse me? Lindsay?!" Lindsay smiled. "Sorry, Hannah. Good luck, though." She pointed at Ezekiel. "You're bringing homeschool with you, but not me!?" I quickly interjected, and narrowed my eyes at Heather. "That's right. Ezekiel is coming with us. Right, guys?" Lindsay and Beth both nodded. Beth then pointed at Heather's head. "Oh. And, P.S. Someone drew a happy face on the back of your head.

We all walked away, but Beth and Lindsay were laughing. 

"I am so glad this whole thing is over. I haven't wanted to get away from a group of people this badly since my calculus teacher made me join the Mathletes for extra credit."

"Sorry about that, dude. She's just being a jerk." I looked at Ezekiel apologetically. He shook his head. "It's cool. I'm not bothered about being homeschooled, eh." I nodded in acknowledgement, as I caught Lindsay looking at me. I walked up beside Beth. "Are you sure you're okay with me as the... uh... 'host'? I don't want to be a repeat of Heather." She, too, shook her head with Lindsay. "You're not like Heather! Plus, it's the least I could do, with you being with me, in my room, and all..." I immediately backed away, next to Ezekiel again. "Riiight..."

Well, this is awkward. While Beth and Lindsay were talking about girl stuff, me and Ezekiel were actually looking around for the case. This was becoming quite the mystery... I don't understand. If anything, we should've been the first people to find the case! I'm literally the first person you would think of when my dad says, 'someone on this show knows where the case is!' 

Lindsay pulled out her phone, and began to show Beth some dresses that would suit her. I scoffed, as we came to a stop in front of a tree. "Oh, I just saw this pretty dress online. Look!" She showed Beth her phone. "Can I get one too?" "Oh gosh, no." I looked up, and gasped. I repeatedly tapped Ezekiel, and when he acknowledged me, I pointed up. "But isn't that-" Beth quickly shushed him. "Shh! Give us a little girl time here?!" They continued walking. I looked at Ezekiel in disbelief, who returned the look to me. We both sighed, and followed after them. The suitcase was hanging in the tree, directly above them.

We continued walking, and I whispered to Zeke. "This is getting pathetic. Should we tell them?" He whispered back. "No, they said I had to be respectful. Interrupting isn't respectful, eh." I grumbled, and face-planted. "I'm the host... I might as well act like it." He darted his eyes to me in confusion, watching to see what I would do. I raised my voice, and caught back up to Lindsay and Beth. "Hey, girls." Beth answered first, in a much more... romantic tone than I had imagined." "Hey, Lewis..."

"Oh, god. Am I turning into Justin?! I can't do that! That's Justin's job to be hot! Not Lewis' job!"

"Right! Did you know that we missed the case?" They stopped in their tracks. "We what!?" "Yeah... hate to break it to you. It was by that tree, where Lindsay was showing you a dress." They both instantaneously turned to Ezekiel, angry. "Why didn't you tell us!?" I stepped in front of him. "We did! But, you specifically asked to be respectful. Interrupting you was disrespectful. We're sorry..." With Dad's classic puppy eyes, and a fake frown, I got through to them. "It's okay, you guys. We'll just go back and get it! Right, Lindsay?" "Right!"

"Uh... woah. Okay. Maybe I was wrong. Dad's technique is surprisingly... useful!"

When we finally got back to the tree where the case was, there was nothing there but a broken rope. I winked at Ezekiel, and shockingly, he got the hint. We both put on a fake frown, and sighed. "Aw, man... I was really hoping we could win this together..." "Yeah... I can't believe I didn't speak up, eh." They put a hand on my shoulder, completely leaving out Ezekiel. I just needed him to get them to finally do something for once. "It's okay, Lewis! We'll find it!" "Really?" "Mhm! Let's go!" 

They walked off. Me and Ezekiel paired up again. "So, why did you need me to help you, eh?" I shrugged. "Two heads are better than one. But, I don't want any part of the million. You can have mine." "Woah, really?!" "Mhm. You deserve it. I don't need it, after all." Beth called back to us. "Hey! Are you guys coming!?" I called back. "Yeah!" I then lowered my voice, and turned to Ezekiel. "We should catch up."

- - -

I heard Dad over the loudspeaker. "Attention, campers! The case is wet! Repeat! The case is wet!" It took Lindsay a few seconds to process what was being said. "The case is wet? Quick! Everyone in the water! We're totally gonna find it first!" Beth, Lindsay and Ezekiel all immediately ran into the water without a second thought, while I was a bit more unwilling. "Wicked strategizing, Lindsay!" Beth turned her head to me. "Lewis! Aren't you coming?" I hesitated. "I'm not going to get my shirt wet... right?" 

Beth and Lindsay looked at each other. "No!" I took a deep breath, and walked into the lake. This was bad. I didn't like this. There was a massive possibility I would get soaked. Beth grinned, completely brushing off my discomfort. "So if we win, what would you guys do with your $250,000.00?" Lindsay raised an eyebrow. "Is that enough to buy a country?" Ezekiel nodded with a grin. "Yeah. But just a small one, eh?" "Ooh! France is small, right?" I raised my hand. "Actually, uh... You can't-" Ezekiel pointed. "Hey. Hey! Isn't that the case?!" 

I looked over, and saw the case floating past. Lindsay threw her hands into the air. "That's it!" Beth gasped. "We found it!" "Oh my gosh, I'm so going to be the queen of France!" She picked it up, and squealed. But, the case flew out of her... hands? "It's a flying case!" I looked up, and saw Duncan reeling it in with a fishing rod. I growled, and clenched my fists. 

Unluckily for both parties, an alligator popped out of the water, and ate the case. It swam back down into the lake, where Courtney began yelling at Duncan. He dove into the water, and I scoffed. "Oh, you have GOT to be joking me!" Lindsay looked at me, with curiosity. "What's wrong?" I looked at her. "An alligator has a bite force of 2,980 PSI. A human, like Duncan, has a punch force of 135! He's gonna die!" Beth sighed happily. "Oh, Lewis! You're so considerate of people, even our rivals... You're so cool." I furrowed my brows. "Sure?" 

Suddenly, the alligator came racing towards us, Duncan still riding on his back. Beth, Lindsay and Ezekiel screamed, and ran out of the water. I hurriedly followed them. They ran a couple minutes through the forest, and eventually slowed down.

They all panted, while I only had a few breaths. "You guys alright, there?" "Totally! What about you?" I looked away from Beth awkwardly. "Yeah... I'm... I'm fine."

"This was beginning to get uncomfortable..."

"What do we do? Duncan probably has the case, eh." Beth got a few inches closer to me. She even... touched me... as if I was her boyfriend. "Lewis can decide for us! Right, Lewis?" I was uncomfortable. I hated her getting this close to me. I backed up, and shook my head. "Okay! I'm done. I can't do this." Beth raised an eyebrow. "Do what?" I furrowed my brows. "Beth, I... uh... d-do you have a crush on me?" 

She gasped, and looked at Lindsay, then back to me. "Yes! How did you know?! Do you wanna go out with me?!" From that point, I just gave up. "Listen, Beth, you're great, but... I'm not interested." "What?! Why!?" "I'll just be waiting over here, eh." "Me too." Ezekiel and Lindsay got out of the way, which left me and Beth. "You've been making me really uncomfortable this entire time, and I'm already dating Cody. Sorry." She sighed, and began walking away. "Okay. We'll just split up, then. Let's go, Lindsay." Lindsay followed, leaving me and Ezekiel.

I groaned while Ezekiel caught up with the girls. I'm so dead when we all join up again... At least this gives me an excuse to not actually look for the million. "Outta my way, sucka!" I was pushed over by somebody.

Oh. It's just Izzy. With... Noah, and Eva. What an unlikely trio. Luckily, there was at least one sane person on that team. Eva helped me up,  and apologized for something that wasn't even her fault. "Sorry. She's just insane." "I know." Noah raised an eyebrow. "Hey. Weren't you with dumb, dumber, and dumbest?" I sighed. "Yep. But... Not anymore. We had a little, uh, 'disagreement'. I'm on my own, now."

Even with her pushing me over, Izzy had other thoughts. "You should totally join Team E-Scope!" "Uh, hello? Then we'd all get less money." I shook my head. "I don't want any part of the money. I'm just here cause, like, why not." "You can come." I nodded, and followed the three of them.

- - -

We quickened our pace, mainly because they had found the million, and wanted to get to the dock. I passed Duncan with Noah. "So. Your girlfriend turned on you, huh? Hate to see that happen. Bet you feel like a loser about now, huh? Less of a man." I stifled a laugh, as Duncan grew angry with Noah. "Enough of a man to take your head off, geek!" He pulled on Noah's pant leg, which caused him to run away screaming like a girl. 

I blinked a few times, before realizing Duncan had somehow acquired his pants. "I'm gonna go." I caught up with Noah, and laughed at him. "Noah! Hurry up!" He followed instructions surprisingly well. I couldn't stop laughing at him though. At this point, it wasn't even him. I was just laughing because I couldn't stop.

We eventually caught up, and slowed down. I wiped a tear from my eye as Eva frowned at Noah. "You run like a girl." Noah had to catch his breath. "Forgot my 'roids back at the gym." "I'm thinking of changing my name! Yeah, to Kaleidoscope. Isn't that pretty? You can call me E-Scope for short." I raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that the name of our team?" "Uh-huh! I'll be forever known as the leader of Team E-Scope! Cause it's my name!"

All four of us skid to a stop in front of Justin. "Watch it! It's a trap!" Eva warned us all, but I didn't really understand how. "Justin. The anti-me. So, we meet again." Izzy gasped, and turned away. "Whatever you guys do, don't look him in the eyes! He has powers...!" "Quick! Give Lewis the case!" Izzy threw me it, and I caught it. "Uh... why did you-?" Justin looked at me. "Give me the case." 

But, Izzy crossed her arms. "Back off, really hot guy!" He then frowned, and shook his head. "I really didn't wanna have to do this, but... you give me no choice." He took off his shirt, to reveal his muscles. Noah, Izzy and Eva looked away, while I kept looking. "Lewis, don't fall for it! Look away!" I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, please. I've got standards." "Ugh! He's too beautiful!" "He's so pretty. He deserves it." Izzy took the case from me, and handed it to him.

When Noah tried to stop her, Eva tripped him up. "Thank you." He smiled, and walked away. I growled, as I rolled my eyes. Izzy got back to normal, and worriedly looked around. "What happened!? Where's the case?!" I raised an eyebrow at Noah. "Uh, you just handed it to a male model. And, a lot of good you were!" He angrily looked at Eva, who looked away. "I'm so ashamed." "You should be, Iron Woman! That was seriously pathetic!"

I shrugged. "I don't know what you guys see in him. He isn't even hot." Eva and Izzy gasped at me in surprise, but Dad interrupted us over the loudspeakers. "Attention, campers! The case is now somewhere beautiful, and headed towards camp." Izzy- Sorry, E-Scope growled, and clenched her fists. "E-Scope is not gonna let him get away with this, no matter how hot he is! Come on!" 

Izzy began running. Eva slammed her fist into her palm. "Yeah! We'll crush his skull!" Noah softened his eyes. "A little too far." Eva looked away in embarrassment. "Sorry." "Let's just go!" I helped Noah up, and ran after Izzy with him and Eva.

"We need to split up. This isn't working!" Eva exclaimed. I raised an eyebrow. "Is that really a good idea?" "We'll cover more ground." "Alright. Let's do it!"

Eva went west, Noah went south, Izzy went east, and I went north. 

I eventually noticed the team of boys. By the team of boys, I meant Owen, Tyler, DJ, and Cody. They had, for some reason, tied each other together with a rope, while Owen had the case. They were cornered on the cliff, and a bear was approaching them. It wasn't a very happy bear. It was growling, roaring, and edging closer to them.

I noticed who it was. Or, rather, which bear it was. All four of them hadn't noticed me. I raised my voice, and raised my hand towards it. "Hey!" Safe to say it distracted the bear. Actually... I think it got the bear angrier at me. It growled at me, and stood up on its hind legs. It was trying to make itself bigger than me by roaring, but I stood my ground. I narrowed my eyes at it, and kept my hand raised. 

It realized this was going nowhere, and I wasn't backing down. It walked past me, down the cliff. I kept my eyes on it, just in case. After a few seconds, I let my guard down. "Man..." I sighed in relief, as a drop of sweat ran down my neck. The animals here were usually so tame... that was scary. 

Owen instinctively screamed, and ran in the other direction. The other direction being the edge of the cliff. I gasped, and ran towards. them. Unluckily, they were already off the cliff. I grabbed Cody's hand, which meant I was now supporting the weight of a million dollars, and four dudes. My heels dug into the ground as I strained to keep them up.

They were all screaming. It was pretty stressful. They was literally mounds of dirt I had pulled up trying to keep THEM up. "P-Pull us up! Pull us up!" Tyler yelled at me. I was growing frustrated. "Can't you see I'm trying?!" Owen was screaming, while I still had a hold of Cody's hand. Now, everybody was screaming, because I was getting closer to the edge of the cliff.

For some strange reason, Courtney floated in front of us with a hot air balloon. It was Mason's. I have no clue where he was, and why he'd just let Courtney take it. "Aww! David and Goliath! My ankle can't hold much longer!" Owen was still screaming. "Need a little help?" I saw Courtney just watching the whole thing go down. "COURTNEY! DO SOMETHING!" I yelled at her with furrowed brows.

"Hm... Give the case to me." "Okay! Okay!" Owen was about to throw the case to her, when the cliff broke from under us. All five of us fell 1,000 feet. And... we all screamed on the way down. I could hear Courtney mourning her loss, but it was quite obvious she didn't know how to work the hot air balloon.

I hit the ground first.

Chapter Text

- - -

[3rd Person P.O.V]

- - -

The ground had collapsed from underneath them. Now, all five boys were falling. In that terrifying moment, Lewis could do nothing but remain focused on who put him in this situation. Courtney. She cared more about the million dollars than saving people’s lives. The mound of dirt crumbled and turned to dust around them. It seemingly fell quicker than them.

They descended closer and closer to the beach, plummeting to their (most likely) deaths. Courtney did this. Courtney knowingly put them in a life-or-death situation. And, the worst part is, she managed to get the case in mid-air, and fled with it. She didn’t even try to save them.

All of a sudden, Lewis felt a horrifying pain in his arm. His vision blurred, and he could barely make out the boys’ faces of horror. The blood splattered a crimson red across several rocks sticking out from the mountain, as well as his clothes. He had suddenly lost all the energy he previously had. He couldn’t even scream out in pain.

Then, it finally happened.

They all hit the ground with a thud. Unfortunately, Lewis was not tied to the four boys. Which meant he got the worst of it.

“CRAP! LEWIS, HOLD ON!” Someone yelled. He couldn’t distinguish their voice. He didn’t know who was yelling at him, but by this point, he didn’t care. The only thing he wanted to know is whether he’d die or not. To him, the latter would be more preferable than the torture and hellfire he was feeling right now. After nothing but his heart thumping in his head, and the unbearable ringing, he finally blacked out.

It was before Owen could reach him. He panicked, and turned to the three other boys for some kind of clue. “What do we do, what do we do?!” He had begun to cry. He was insanely stressed out. “I- I don’t know!” This wasn’t helping anyone. Lewis was bleeding out, and the guys were panicking.

Of course, all this commotion had caused some heads to be turned. Of course, nobody wanted to investigate, because nobody cared if the boys were making a ruckus. Only as long as they didn’t have the million dollars with them. But, there were some exceptions.

Team E-Scope had come to investigate. They were in fact, looking for the boys in the first place, because Lewis hadn’t returned, and he was going in that direction. They were looking around the beach, until they had finally come across the four. DJ, Owen, Tyler, and Cody. However, they couldn’t find Lewis.

“Oh, it’s just you idiots.” Eva scoffed at the sight of them. “Why were you screaming? We could hear you all the way from the forest.” Noah asked, in his usual, monotone voice. All four of them looked at each other nervously. But, Izzy picked up on it. “What did you do to our team member, huh?!” She pulled Owen close by his collar.

Cody quickly came to his defence. “You shouldn’t blame us for it! You should blame Courtney!” Team E-Scope looked at each other in suspicion, before Eva took a step closer. “What are you trying to tell us?” He, in response, took a step back. “I- I’m just saying…” Cody started, but Owen answered for him. “Lewis lost his arm!”

All three of them widened their eyes. Eva quickly ripped Owen from Izzy, and pulled him directly up to her face instead. “He-? What?! Is this some kind of sick prank!? It’s not funny, you-!” Noah anxiously pointed further ahead. “Eva…” She raised her head, and immediately dropped Owen from her iron fist.

They had both spotted him. Izzy had no clue what was going on, but decided to follow both of them as the boys watched in worry. Eva knew how to hurt someone, and they were praying that someone wouldn’t be them.

Noah vomited at the sight of his body. Eva looked on in terror, while Izzy shared the same expression. “He isn’t… dead… right?” Eva reluctantly asked the four boys. “We don’t… We don’t know. You only came a few minutes after it happened.” DJ answered. “You’ve been letting him bleed out for a few minutes?! Are you stupid!?” Izzy asked, with visible concern in her eyes. She continued speaking. “He will die if we don’t get this sorted fast!”

“I- I don’t think I can look at him anymore. I’ll get Chris…” Noah willingly walked away, in quite a fast-paced manner. Noah was a lot of things. He was monotone. He could be a jerk. He didn’t care about a lot of things. But, this was something he couldn’t deal with. It wasn’t a case of cowardice, but instead a case of fear. Izzy gave orders to everyone around. She asked DJ to use his shirt to prevent more bleeding. She asked Eva to keep an eye on Lewis. Owen was freaking out, Tyler wasn’t very intelligent, and Cody was the youngest out of all of them. Those three were not allowed to get near him.

After a few minutes of silence, the loudspeaker sounded out all throughout the island. Chris had clearly been made aware of this, and was obviously fighting back tears. “Campers, this challenge is called off. Get to the Dock of Shame, and wait for me there.”

All six of them looked at each other. But, another note was added. “That excludes Eva, Izzy, and DJ.” Owen, Cody and Tyler looked at each other in confusion, before getting up, and heading towards the dock.

It was silent. Owen, Cody, Tyler and Noah were the only ones that knew what had actually happened. They had told each other to tell nobody unless Chris said they could. Heather scoffed. “Okay. What is actually going on, here?! I’d like to know!” “Yeah, me too. Are we still getting the money?” Beth asked curiously. Gwen looked around, before shrugging. “Speaking of, has anyone actually found the money?”

Courtney eyed Owen, as if to say, ‘If you mention anything, I’ll make sure you pay’. He nervously looked away, trying not to be intimidated by her. “I did! I found the money. But, I lost it. Sorry, guys.” She said with a small frown. Duncan rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms. “After you left me stranded on a beach, I’d say that’s karma.”

Owen was finding it harder and harder to keep quiet. Cody noticed this, as a drop of sweat ran down his face. He leant into Owen, and whispered. “Keep quiet, and I’ll give you the rest of my candy stash.” Almost suddenly, Owen made it his number one goal to not make a sound. He wanted that candy, and he was going to get it.

Soon enough, Chris arrived. His cheeks were slightly red, and looked damp. There were small wrinkles under his eyes. He was accompanied by Izzy, Eva, and DJ. They were all just as concerned as Owen, Tyler, Cody, and Noah. On the other hand, the unaware campers were confused.

“Chris, have you been-?” “No! I’m just… allergic to greenery.” He interrupted Bridgette. He then cleared his throat, rubbed his eyes, and put on a fake voice. Everyone could see through it.

“So… you lost the case. Way to go. I didn’t wanna have to do this, but since none of the fourteen of you officially won, you all officially tied, which means that you will all have another shot at winning the million dollars!” Everybody cheered, but Chris interrupted them again. “In season two!”

“Did he just say season two?”

“Uh-uh. No way. I am NOT coming back here.”

“Season two? Season two?! I’m gonna be so much more famous than I thought! I hope I have a chance to get my roots done first…”

Duncan rolled his eyes, and shook his head. “Oh, forget this. I didn’t agree to season two!” Chris frowned at him, “Oh, but you did agree. It’s called the fine print.” Gwen grumbled. “I hate the fine print…”

“As for the rest of you, your treasure hunt ends here. Along with all your hopes of ever winning any money off of being on this show. The good news, though? You’ll be watching all the action on season two from the sidelines.” He turned to face a specific eight campers. Courtney put her hands on her hips. “Wait a minute! I wanna be on season two!”

Chris moved his gaze over to her, and shook his head. “This is a punishment for you. The other seven, you’re just losers. Sorry! But, that’s how fine print works.”

“Oh, no, no, no! This isn’t happening! If they thought they were in trouble before, they’re in huge trouble now!”

“Another season? Sweet! Another chance to showcase my mad skills!” He swung his arms around. “Hi-yah!” And… hit his funny bone. “O-Ow! Funnybone! Oh. Haha! Aw, that is funny.”

“Yay! We get to stay for another season!” Katie exclaimed. Sadie replied. “Just to watch, though.” “That’s okay. We’d watch at home, anyway!” “Oh yeah, that’s true! And we get to stay together!” They both squealed.

“This is awesome and all, that E-Scope is coming back, but what about-” “Zip! You aren’t gonna say anything about this.” Chris put a finger to her lips. She nodded, as he took them away. Beth turned to Lindsay, excited. “This is so exciting! Lindsay, if you win and you buy France, will you invite me over?!” “For sure!”

That horrible feeling of dread was still in the air. “At the next given notice, you’ll all report to a brand new location for a whole new challenge, and the last one standing will receive… one… million… dollars! So, don’t forget to tune in… to Total… Drama… Action!”

There was silence in the resort. Everybody had arrived, but this negative feeling was just crushing people. Owen wasn’t partying, Bridgette and Geoff weren’t in the mood for making out, Justin wasn’t admiring himself… everyone knew something was up. But nobody could figure out what.

Heather was normally the best at deciphering this kind of mood. “Seriously! What is going on, and why isn’t anybody actually enjoying themselves!?” “Oh, Heather. I didn’t realise you cared.” Gwen said with a small smirk. “I- I do not! I just cannot relax with all of this dumb blandness!” She folded her arms, and put her shades back on.

“You know what? You’re right. He would want us to enjoy ourselves.” DJ nodded at his group, and they nodded back. Soon enough, everybody was feeling better, and everyone was enjoying themselves, just like Heather wanted.

The hospital was a different story. Chris and Chef were so busy working on the production of the new show, that they didn’t have any spare time to check up on Lewis. So, he was just alone. Obviously not ‘alone’ alone… he had the doctors and nurses, and staff… but they didn’t really suffice.

- - -

[Lewis’ P.O.V]

- - -

There was always this girl trying to sneak into my ward to see me. I don’t know who she was, or why she was so intent to visit me. It was creepy at first. But, I got used to it. For some reason, I found it somewhat calming, knowing that someone was dedicating their time to see me, despite how stalker-ish it was.

I didn’t hate Dad for not seeing me… It was just, it would’ve been nice to see him once. I knew how much he needed to keep the train rolling, and all that other stuff… I didn’t realise being the kid of a reality show host would be so difficult. I sighed, and sat against the bed frame.

My doctor had given me a specific set of rules. One of them being I couldn’t lie or put pressure on either upper arm. So, that’s goodbye to comfortable nights for a while. As well as that, I was asked to keep using my left arm just in case. It's a massive problem I’m right-handed...

I took my journal off the side-table, and just began scribbling. I scribbled about the campers. I know Cody didn’t tell them. I was just giving my thoughts and opinions on the matter. He also told me that only him, DJ, Eva, Izzy, Noah, Owen, and Tyler knew what happened.

Tyler didn’t want to know. He was so focused on Lindsay. Come to think of it, if Beth didn’t storm off, there was a possibility that… I wouldn’t have fallen from the cliff. She got mad because I was already dating someone. That was just dumb. Now, I’ll never get a part of myself back.

My phone buzzed mid-sentence. It wasn’t a text. It was a phone call. I stared at it for a few seconds, before picking it up. I held it up to my ear, and spoke. “Yeah, what’s up?” The person on the other line. DJ? Why is he…? “Hey, man! How you been?” Oh. It’s one of those calls. “Fine, I guess. Why are you calling from Cody’s number?” I asked. I swear DJ had his own phone… “Oh, I don’t have a phone. I use my mama’s normally, but she doesn't have your number.”

I felt a small sense of relief. “Oh, right.” He brushed my question off, and continued talking. “You’re cool, right?” “Oh, well… I dunno. I’ve still gotta have my surgery done, with some physiotherapy for my arm. At least, that’s what the doctor told me.” I could feel him nodding through the screen. “Nice! How long do you reckon till you’ll be out? Can’t wait to see you.”

I sighed. “I… don’t know. They haven’t told me anything but what I should expect.” From DJ’s side of the phone, I overheard people obsessing over the fact he was calling me. On my side of the line, my weird fans were obsessing over the fact I was calling someone. “Huh? What-? Oh! Uh, Lewis, I gotta go. Geoff’s gonna have a party to lighten the mood! Hope you get well soon!” “Great. Say hi to him for me.”

He hung up, and I groaned. I turned off my phone, and put it down face-first on the side table. Geoff… Geoff’s having a party. Of course he is… I wonder if he’ll give me a call soon.

Chapter Text

I wonder if Dad's told the campers. DJ was talking about it pretty openly... But, I digress. "Lewis?" I raised my head. It was just my doctor. "Oh, hey. What's up?" "Can you come with me? We just need to do some more tests." I hate tests...

I got out of my bed, put my tank top on, and headed out with my doctor. I hadn't worn a binder in so long... I knew they wouldn't judge, but still. I felt uncomfortable. "By the way. Do you know when my surgery's happening?" I looked up at him. He looked back down at me. "Hm... Oh, yes, I do. It's going to happen on the 25th, which is tomorrow. On the 26th, we'll start your rehab plans, if you're not feeling better on the 25th.." I nodded. Tomorrow... huh...

I got my blood pressure taken, and it was slightly lower than usual. All I had to do today was drink a bit more. Given, I did come in like, two weeks ago. I wasn't exactly up to date with all the tests and stuff. "Are you feeling any better today?" I shrugged. "Eh. I could be worse. So, I guess, a little better." He nodded in response. "What about your friends?" I stiffened up. "Huh?" "Your friends. You know, the Total Drama contestants. How are they doing?"

I sighed in relief. "Oh, well, uh... I don't know. I guess Geoff's having a party, and is bringing everyone, which is pretty good..." "I heard one of them called you earlier. Who was that?" I looked away. "That's DJ. He's cool. He was just checking up on me... Honestly, he's probably the first friend I made on that show."

He nodded, and began writing things down. "So. About the surgery... Do you have any questions, or anything like that? I want to make sure you understand exactly what's going on." I thought for a few seconds. "Can you make sure that nobody but the staff gets anywhere near me? I don't want any visitors tomorrow." I wanted to keep that crazy stalker girl away. Sure, I was fine with her any other day, but... tomorrow, I'd prefer if nobody came close to me.

Dr. Willis nodded, and continued to write things down. "Of course. That's totally something we can do." I, too, nodded at him. "So, I'm just going to explain to you how the next week or so is going to work. Is that alright?" I looked up at him. "Uh- right. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's fine."

*

Back at Playa des Losers, or just, 'the resort', as people were now calling it, everybody was having the time of their lives. With the obvious exception of the adults. Geoff and Bridgette were making out in the hot tub. The couples were flirting, Owen was partying, Izzy was having yet another eating competition, only with herself this time, the friends were hanging out, Lindsay and Beth were gossiping, and everybody else was doing their own thing.

This was exactly like the start of episode 27. Except, Chris gave them permission to speak about the whole incident. Cody checked his phone. He had a text message from an unknown number. He checked it out.

. . .

+1 514-995-9733

(fake number, do not contact)

Is this Cody Emmett Jameson Anderson???

Yes? Who is this?

CODYKINS!!

haii 0w0

i just texted you to say ur boyfriends...

GETTING SURGERY!!

No, seriously. Who are you?

And, why are you calling me 'Codykins'?

And, also, how do you know this?

okokok

my name is sierra

and ive been visiting himm ;D

Sierra? Can you not?

He's probably very uncomfortable.

oh my sweet codykins

hes happy w/ meee

chris won't visit him :(

OK? Are you like a stalker?

How are you knowing this?

Sierra?

Hello???

I'll just ask him myself, then.

. . .

Tough Pup (Lewis)

Lewis?

Are you busy?

i'm getting tests done

wsp?

Do you know who Sierra is??

oh dont even.

she wont stop coming to see me

its freaky asf

...

if she said anything about chris

hes working on TDA, he rlly doesn't have time

Ok, I love you, Lewis < 3

love u too <3

. . .

"Cody?" Cody flinched at the hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Trent. "Oh. Hey, dude." "You alright, man?" Cody nodded in response. Trent took a seat next to him, and sighed. Cody noticed. "Are... you alright, Trent?" "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just this whole thing with the arm, and... you know. I can't believe nobody's stopped to think about how Lewis might feel."

Cody put a hand on his chest. "I've stopped to think about Lewis. I've been texting him all week." "I know about you, Cody. But, nobody else. It's like he doesn't even matter until he's relevant." Heather walked past them with a smirk. "I hear that!" Trent scoffed at her.

"I've never known Heather to be a considerate person. She could at least try!"

"Lewis? Ha! That kid is dead weight. It'll be better once he's gone." Silent pause... "Has it stopped rolling? Okay. I really, do actually-"

"Heather's just trying to get to you. I think Lewis would want you to relax, Trent. It's what I'm doing, and I feel great." Cody put a hand on his shoulder, as he sighed again. "Alright. Thanks for the advice, man." He stood up to go back over to Gwen.

*

"That's the majority of everything. If anything changes, I'll be sure to let you know." I stood up, and nodded at Dr. Willis. "You know, for a fourteen year old, you're taking this 'amputation' thing extremely well." I laughed anxiously, and looked away. "Well, I've learnt to cope. It's not like my entire world is collapsing, or anything. It's just an arm!" He shot me a semi-disturbed look, before returning back to his normal demeanour.

"Alright. Then, I say you should get some rest. If you go to sleep early, it might be easier for you to get this surgery over and done with." Strangely enough, I felt like doing just that. But, I didn't tell him that, obviously. "Cool." He accompanied me back to my own room, as I slowly sat down on the bed with a yawn.

"Now, Lewis, I'm asking you this as your friend, not your professional doctor." I scoffed. "Oh, right, here we go. I'm fine with you doing a physical exam on my chest. I do not care if you touch me." He chuckled, and shook his head. "That's not it. Although, thank you for telling me that. Here's what I was going to ask you. Is the girl sneaking into your room making you scared? Worried, in any way?"

I hummed to myself. "Um... Kinda? She makes me feel weird. I don't want her anywhere near me while I'm unconscious. I don't trust her yet." He put a pen to his lower lip. "I see... Do you have any relation to her? Do you know her?" I shook my head. "God, no. If I knew her, we wouldn't be talking about this. She's more of an... 'acquaintance' for now." He put away his pen, and walked to the door. "Alright. Get some rest, Lewis." He walked out, and I got myself comfortable in my bed.

"Lewi-kins!" Oh, god. I opened my eyes, and furrowed my brows. "What, Sierra? What could you possibly want?" She rested her hands in her palms. "I just want to make sure you're sleeping comfortably~" I whined in annoyance. "Sierra, you know how important this is. Please. For just tomorrow, can you go away?" "Anything my poor little baby puppy wants!"

She somehow walked out of the room, as I closed my eyes again. I could feel her breathing beside me. "Sierra." "Yes?" "Stop. You-" I groaned. "It doesn't matter. Just be quiet." "Of course my poor little baby-" "Sierra." "Sorry!"

*

. . .

Sierra

CODYKINSSS!!

What do you want, now?

Do you have to bother me at 7PM?

hes sleeepinggg!!

-

[insert picture of sleeping lewis]

-

isnt he adorable?! >w<

Sierra.

Please.

Stop doing this.

How many times has he told you to stop?

he said 'stop' once

he told me 4 times to be exact!! O.O

Isn't that a hint enough?

That he doesn't want you to be doing this.

It's so clear, even Lindsay could see it.

Why can't you?

coddydddy!!

your such a cutie pie!!!

always using puncuationnn

i <3 that about u

Sierra, I'm warning you.

I'm turning my phone off tonight.

Leave Lewis and me alone. Please.

hahahahah

codyyykinsss

ur so funny!

7:55PM, 24/03/07

cody??

CODDY!?

8:20PM, 24/03/07

WHAT ABOUT MY LEWDY FANFICS?!

I MEAN MY CODIS FANFICS!!

. . .

"You better have switched that phone off." Heather scowled at him. He put his hands up in defeat. "I did, I did... " "Good. This is supposed to be a movie night, bro." Not even Geoff was supporting him. Was this really how apathetic everyone was being towards Lewis?

"Sorry, it's just... he's getting his surgery done tomorrow. I'm worried about him." Geoff shook his head again. "If you really cared, bro, you'd let the dude rest. And you'd let us watch our gosh darn movie!" He shrunk away from Geoff. He could be scary when he was yelling.

When Gwen went to pick out a movie, she came to a horrible discovery. "These are all crappy movies Chris had a role in!" There were sounds of disappointment from all around, although Gwen saw one that caught her attention. "Forever Mine? Hey! You guys up for a crime drama?" Duncan raised his hand. "I'm down." Everyone else agreed with him. Cody reached for his phone, only for his hand to be slapped away by Duncan's. "I've got my eye on you. Do not touch that phone."

He whined nervously, but followed Duncan's orders.

. . .

Sierra

codddydyyydydyd

codykinsss

cody emmet jameson anderson

Answer your phone this instant!

Sierra, stop texting me!

I'm trying to watch a film, and people are getting angry!

sorry cody-wody

its just...

the doctors wont let me in a 30 ft radius of lewis!!

can you tell them i mean no harm?? :(

No.

Consider this deserved.

Now, stop texting me!

. . .

"Oh, Chris... There are no words which can describe my dedication to you. Only the burning fires of hell shall express the love I have felt for you in my lifetime..." Ella said, her hand wrapping tighter around Chris'. He coughed up blood, softly smiling at Ella. He brought a hand up to her cheek, which was wet with tears. He used his thumb to wipe away the fresh ones. "Don't cry, mia cara... just don't forget... you'll be forever mine..."  Credits.

"Did we just..." Duncan started. "Enjoy one of..." Heather continued. "Chris' crappy movies?!" Gwen finished. "Holy cow, that was amazing!" Harold exclaimed. Leshawna nodded. "Ain't no way that was Chris! He's a dumb show host! Not an amazing actor!"

All of a sudden, Chris appeared on the television. He was wearing some pyjamas. "While I appreciate your obsession over my newest movie, I'd appreciate it more if you WENT. TO. SLEEP." He repeatedly pointed his finger at them. "Do you know how late it is?!" He pouted, and put his hands on his hips.

Everyone looked at each other. Geoff shrugged. "Nah, bro. What's the time?" Chris scoffed angrily. "It is currently-! Uh... Give me a second." He walked off-camera, but you could hear him yelling. "Chef! What time is it?!" You could also hear Chef, though not as well as Chris. It was clear he had just been woken up. "It's 2:40, gosh darn it! Now shut up, and let me sleep, Chris! You been up all night!"

Chris walked back on camera. "It's 2:40AM. Get your sorry butts to sleep! Don't you know I have a show to produce?!" He disappeared from the TV. Cody, finally seeing his chance, grabbed his phone, and stood up. "You heard the man! It's 2:40, and I wanna go to bed."

Before anyone could stop him, he dashed out the room, and to the comfort of his own. It was decorated exactly as his old one back home. He had strung up posters in his room. Before the competition, he had described himself as a ladies' man. He had a poster of a model, and a poster of a singer he liked to listen to. Since the audition tapes were the only pieces of information Chris had gotten about their home, he had stuck an instrument in the middle of Cody's room. He also had a plain brown bed, with a wooden night stand.

He found comfort in his home, despite all the times his father got angry at him. Now, he was alone in his room, except he wasn't at home. He didn't have any parents or siblings to yell at him. He fell back into his bed, unlocking his phone. It was 'tomorrow'. He wondered if the doctors had considered this a good time to start working on Lewis.

. . .

My Puppy (Lewis)

Hey, I know you're probably unconscious.

We watched a movie tonight.

It was one of your dad's.

It was actually pretty good.

'Forever Mine' (1999).

You've probably seen it before.

I'm surprised it only has 29% on RT.

...

You're probably gonna be so mad with all these notifs.

I'll stop bothering you, and actually go to sleep.

I hope you feel better after the whole thing.

Love you, Lewis. <3

. . .

Cody usually spoke formally in texts. He used to not, but he never liked abbreviations. It made his writing look messy. He groaned. He turned off his phone, and put it down face-first on the nightstand. 'Lewis... Lewis is having surgery. Of course he is... I wonder if he'll give me a call soon.'

*

There was a small ringing in my ears. For a second, I panicked, and thought I was back at the base of the cliff. Like... all of that was some crazy black out dream. The weird thing is... I saw the cliff. It was so, so weird. The worst thing was...

Sierra was there.

I specifically asked her to leave me alone. Luckily, she was on her phone, and I was praying she didn't notice I had woken up. What was her deal? Why was she always there?! She had to be one of the worst Total Drama superfans I've ever seen. And, by worst, I mean addicted.

The ringing in my ears finally cut out, so I could hear clearly again. That meant I could also hear Sierra. On a livestream. For her blog. You've gotta be kidding me. "Oh, and I was saying to them, like, 'You can NOT kick me out! This is my Lewi-kins!', and they told me, 'He asked specifically for you to be nowhere near him', and I was so shocked! They were obviously lying just to get me away from my bestest friend ever!"

Bleurgh... why do I feel so... Sierra-y? It feels like she's been too close to me. Like, breathing down my collar too close. But, then again, I wouldn't be surprised. It was Sierra... "But! Don't worry, you guys. I'm with Lewi-kins right now, and I'm watching him until another mean doctor comes to kick me out! They don't know what he's like. I do!" Obsessed, much? "Like, how he prefers to have bears as pets rather than cats or dogs!"

I'm just gonna... tune her out... I felt nauseous, I felt cold, I felt hot, everything in my life right now was uncomfortable. Even more so with the human computer right next to me. She was giving me a massive headache.

This sucked. I thought I was just gonna have the day to myself. Obviously, I thought wrong. Sierra didn't ruin it. She just made it worse... "Lewi-kins is so cute when he's asleep!" Oh, man. That's just my luck. She gasped, and slammed her phone down on the end of my bed. I flinched, while she walked closer to me. "Lewy! You're awake!"

I sighed in annoyance. "Yeah..." She giggled. "I waited in this specific ward for so long, I thought I had the wrong one! Haha! Isn't that funny?!" Not... really. No. "You were just so peaceful when you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you! You wouldn't when I tried... That was such a funny joke you pulled on me." That's how general anaesthesia works, you idiot. "Hm..."

I didn't even respond properly. Yet, she still had so much to say. She went on to mention how much she texted Cody last night, and how much he adored her, although, when she showed me the texts, it was an obvious, clear, lie. He had told her to leave him alone, he had told her to leave me alone, and she wouldn't.

"Oh, did you know I was hired for Celebrity Manhunt?! They thought I was just so good at interviewing people and getting information on them! Though, Blainlely's not the nicest person... Josh is, like, OMG, so hot!" Jesus Christ. I'm actually going to rip my other arm off if she keeps talking. "Sierra... remember when... yesterday I said... 'leave me alone'...? W-Why are you here...?"

She laughed again. "Codykins insisted!" Oh, no. She's gotten to Cody, too. While she rambled on, I picked up my phone, and ignored her.

. . .

My Fawn (Cody)

2:48 AM, 25/03/07

You're probably gonna be so mad with all these notifs.

I'll stop bothering you, and actually go to sleep.

I hope you feel better after the whole thing.

Love you, Lewis. <3

12:04 PM, 25/03/07

heyyy

lpve u <3

love*

i woke up like 20 mins ago lolll

You know, you should really take it easy today.

Or, has Sierra gotten to you?

the second one

she livestreaemd me on her blg

Oh, right.

Anyway, how's your arm?

numb ig

its not rlly there?

they had to sew it up, clean it, n stuff

Nice!

Well, not nice.

You know what I mean, right?

mhm

When are you getting your prosthetic?

either later 2day or 2morrow

i wouldnt call it a prosthetic

but it also is?

kinda like stretchy robot arm

Oh! So, kinda like Fizz?

yh!

ig you could say that.

but its only one arm

That's super cool!

I'm gonna let you have some rest.

thank u boo ^w^

i cant believe i just said that...

No problem, boo. >w<

I love you! <3

love u too! <3

. . .

I looked up from my phone to see Sierra being dragged out by security. I rolled my eyes. It's called karma, you weirdo. But, I can't lie. It was slightly disturbing to see how much she fought to stay with me. Why was I so important to her? I decided to go off of my messages, only to find I had been added to a group chat.

Great... I opened it up, and I had discovered I was added, like, half-way through my surgery, so there were a bunch of messages. I just focused on the newest ones.

. . .

Total Drama Cast

yoyoyo (Duncan)

duncan what is up now? (Courtney)

i jst want a hospital pic from lew (Duncan)

Leave him alone.

He's probably unconscious rn (Bridgette)

whtvr im getting one when hes up (Duncan)

12:16 PM 25/03/07

@lewis

give me one man (Duncan)

no

i wanna kms rn ;p

At least you aren't dead.

Consider that a good thing! :D (Harold)

nvm

harold

kys >:[

I miss you, too. :-] (Harold)

yh alr fine u got me

i wanna be there rn w/ you idiots

cody told me to rest tho.

. . .

I was, in fact, not going to do that. I had been in the hospital for two weeks. I didn't need to listen to Cody. He wasn't a medical professional. I was going to leave everything up to what my assigned doctor said. Sierra was finally escorted out of the room. Dr. Willis walked by her, slightly concerned. He pulled out a chair, and sat down. "So, that was... the girl?" I nodded. "Yep... that's Sierra, alright. S-She's not a problem, really. Only a bit obsessed..." He clicked his tongue. "I must say, she's not what I expected. Anyway, I'm glad you're awake, and feeling better."

"Yeah..." I thought about Cody's question. "I- I was just wondering. When am I gonna get my prosthetic?" He pointed his pen at me. "Great question. I'll go and check." He stood up, and left. I sighed, and adjusted myself in bed. Buzz. My phone.

. . .

Total Drama Cast

he js wants the best 4 u bby

u feelin better tho? (Leshawna)

doc is checkin when im gtting arm

lol

its totally a fake one

Couldn't be me.

I'm all natural. (Justin)

kys

u have ugly tendons

bro u literally sent him offline 💀 (Duncan)

Anyway... r u feeling better bro? (Geoff)

cant talk rn

doctors coming back

record the convo

i wanna get in on this (Duncan)

Duncan, stop it.

Doctor-patient confidentiality!? (Courtney)

. . .

I paused. Was that really a good idea? Of course not! Courtney knows about legality. It's obviously a bad idea. Although... she was the one that got me in this situation in the first place. "So, it will be later today. That way, we can start rehab as soon as possible." He came and sat down again. "Oh, okay. Yeah, that's fine." I looked away nervously.

"Is... something on your mind?" He asked me, which turned my gaze back to him. "Uh, no, no. Just feeling a bit off from waking up is all. Nothing's wrong." "I see. Okay, then. Would you be alright if we started practising with your arm mobility again?" I hated arm mobility exercises. They were so dull and lifeless. I had to write and draw lines and do pressure tests. It was so boring. "Mhm. No problem."

Of COURSE I had a problem! I didn't want to sit and scribble on paper! That was a waste of paper! Think of the info and cool drawings I could be putting on that paper! I didn't want to weigh my arm, either!

Walking through those dumb corridors. I wasn't allowed my phone. It was way too quiet here. Usually, there would be the uncommon kid making noise in the waiting room. But today it was super quiet. "Why's it feel so... empty?" Dr. Willis shook his head. "The hospital is being heavily watched today. There were just so many people trying to get in to see you." I rolled my eyes. "People like bloggers and reporters thrive off of people with any kind of disability. Me being the son of Chris McLean... it's... well, it's worse."

"That seems like a genuine problem. Do you want to talk to me about it?" He looked down at me. "No, not really. Can we just get this whole arm thing over with?" I didn't look up at him. I was already uncomfortable with the topic of ratings and things. He only nodded, and brought me into his office.

*

"Try all you want, Princess, but I don't think they'll be forgiving you any time soon." Duncan said, with his arm around Courtney's shoulder. She had been trying for the past few hours to apologise to Tyler, DJ, Cody, and Owen. Yet, they weren't paying her any attention. They wanted to wait until Lewis got back to make a group vote. After all, he was the only one that actually got hurt. It would only be fair to let him make the decision. But, Courtney wasn't paying Duncan any attention, apart from the occasional, 'shut up', and 'let me do this by myself'.

"Come on, guys, please! It was evil! I know that, and I'm sorry!" Eva was taking this very, very seriously. She crossed his arms, and growled at Courtney. "You didn't seem to know that when you let Lewis get his arm TORN OFF!" She flinched at her voice. Eva was normally the defensive type, but she seemed super mad right now.

She sighed, and just eventually gave up. She sat next to Duncan with a sigh. He smirked. "Told ya." He received a swift elbow to the gut. He grunted in pain, and nodded. "Okay, then..."

*

Well... that was an annoyingly long two hours. But, it meant I could finally get my prosthetic on. "There won't be any more surgery involved, right?" He chuckled. "No. No, there won't. We just need to get your arm fitted, and you should be good to leave in two days." "Let me guess. My entire day tomorrow will be based around rehab." He looked away. "No, actually. There was a change of plans." My eyes widened at this, as I furrowed my brows. "Huh?" "Yes, I understand your confusion. I've spoken to a few people, and we've decided to let you go early. Obviously, after your arm administration."

"I... guess that makes sense..." I, too, looked away. Dr. Willis seemed to perk up at the mention of it, though. "However, it is the first of its kind! Which means you'll be the first to actually live with it." I grew concerned. "You have... tested this, right?" He laughed again. "Of course we have. It just hasn't been around long enough for somebody to live with it, or even use it. Does that make sense?"

I nodded. "Mhm. That's a relief." It wasn't long, but it wasn't short. He got a professional to do it. He wasn't as good as putting on the arm as he was telling me about it. I think he was more of a rehab guy. It felt weird. I mean, it was my nerves and stuff being connected together. But, still.

The professional finished, and left to go do something else. "Okay, then. Lewis, can you move your arm for me?" "Uh... I- I guess..." I did, and it looked as if it were my real arm. Just... different. "That's great. It works, which is good news. We might need to do a few exercises, since you're normally right-handed. If I'm correct." Ugh... "Yeah. I'm- I'm right-handed." "Alright. We'll start off with a bit of writing, and see how it goes from there." I silently groaned. "Okay."

The majority of it was just seeing how capable I was of moving around my joints. The only part I was looking forward to was stretching it out, and that was boring as hell. 'You can only stretch it-' bla, bla, bla. Rules, rules, rules. I know it was for my own well-being. But, still! I'm 14! Let me have fun, jeez!

By the time that was over, it was, like, 6:00 PM. We'd been doing this for four hours. I was tired, bored, and, overall, missing talking to the campers. "Okay! You should be good to go. I'll get someone to call your dad, so he can come and pick you up, while you get your things. How does that sound?" I was excited about that. "That sounds great! I- I mean, yeah!" He chuckled at my eagerness, and let me go back to my own room by myself.

I couldn't believe this! I was going home early!? This was crazy! I just had surgery this morning! I woke up 6 hours ago! Actually... that doesn't sound as good as I thought. Uh... Whatever. I think it's fine. Anyway, I'm leaving! I had to tell the guys!

I grabbed my phone, and turned it on.

. . .

My Fawn (Cody)

codycodycoddy!!!

guess what!!

What's up, Lewis?

OKOKKO

im going home early!

Oh, wow!

When are you coming back?

ltr tonight, i think!

can u not tell anyone yet?

Of course!

Whatever you want.

Is Chris picking you up?

iether him or chef

but i think him

i gtg get outta here

. . .

I slang my bag over my shoulder, and- Oh, hold on. I need to get out of these clothes first. I haven't gotten the chance to change. I just switched into a plain white t-shirt, and some jeans. I put my old clothes in my bag, and waited in reception for my dad to come get me.

Sure, I got some judgemental looks from parents with their kids, and other people... it made me kinda insecure. It reminded me I wasn't like them. Instead of actually facing my problem, I just decided to listen to some music, and block out people staring. I put on my favourite band, Led Zeppelin. Sure, it was rock, but it wasn't just rock.

"Lewis McLean?" I looked up, and took off my headphones. It was just a receptionist. "Your father's here." After she had said my last name, people were shocked to find out I, the son of Chris McLean, was the one they were giving dirty looks to. I stood up, and walked out.

I hummed to myself as I spotted Dad's car. I got in, and dropped my bag. "Hey, Dad." He sighed. I couldn't tell if it was from relief, or something else. "How are you? You're not too hurt, right?" I shook my head. "No. No, I'm not." He started driving, and it was pretty quiet. I knew why. "I'm sorry." I raised an eyebrow. "What for? You didn't..." And, I realised what he meant. "Oh. N-No, Dad, it's okay, I swear. I'm not angry at you! I just missed you, that's all." He didn't even look in the mirror, or turn around once.

"It's not just that. I let this happen to you. I watched it happen." I sighed, too. "Okay? It doesn't matter. You were scared. Everyone watching was scared. They had every right to be! Plus, I got this cool new arm!" I said with a small grin, hoping to cheer him up.

I did, in fact, cheer him up. "Obviously. You're such an optimist." I rolled my eyes. "And, you are too. In some scenarios." I giggled. "I just don't get how you can be so happy about this! I mean, you LOST your limb!" "Hey, now! If you were me, you'd think it was pretty cool, too." He smirked. "I guess I would, wouldn't I?" I nodded happily. "Yes. Yes, you indeed would."

We got to where we were going, where a crowd of news reporters were waiting. "Oh, Jesus Christ. Here we go." I said with a groan, rolling my eyes. "Let me lead. I've had this happen, like, a hundred times today." He softly laughed, and we both got out of the car. We approached the dock, where we were flooded with microphones, and things.

"My son is still in the hospital! This... is a robotic replacement..." He said with a small pout, and soon enough, the reporters cleared off. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Huh! I guess they're only here for me." He scoffed at me. "Yeah. I'm, like, offended. Stop stealing my spotlight, kid!" He ruffled my hair, as I laughed.

We got onto the boat, where Chef was, and he couldn't be happier to see me. The same went for me. I gave him a massive hug with Dad, and eventually let him go so he could drive us to the resort. I was practically bursting with excitement. My new arm was, like, incredibly awesome. "So, uh... the arm?" I realised what my dad was talking about. "Oh, yeah. Pretty cool, huh? I can do a bunch with this." "That's great, but how can it... do that?" He was talking about the extensive stretching, and things. "First one of its kind. It's cybernetic! I'm a bit stronger, too."

He nodded in acknowledgement. I got information about what was happening whilst I was gone, which was all pretty in character. Apart from the fact Owen wasn't eating as much. I guess he was stressing out, but normally, he'd eat. He's like Chef. He's a stress-eater. But, obviously, Owen eats junk.

We passed Camp Wawanakwa, which meant we were literally less than a minute away from Playa des Losers. I wonder how they would react to me coming back this early... usually I'd stay for another couple days.

*

"Well... this sucks." Gwen sighed. Katie looked at Sadie. "Oh my gosh, it is SO quiet without Chris!" Sadie looked back. "Like, I know! I wonder why he left..." Heather laughed mockingly. "Maybe he finally quit his dead-end job, and let us live here, rent-free!" Duncan rolled his eyes. "Now, THAT would be nice."

"Jeez! I forgot how god damn nice it was here." Suddenly, everyone shared looks of surprise. "Is that-?" Heather said with a small gasp. "Oh my gosh." "It totally is!" Sadie and Katie thought as one person, as per usual. Not everyone paid attention to it. "Do you think you're up for some coffee?" Chris said, following him into the resort.

"I think I'm just gonna go to my room. It has been a long day." He said with a stretch. Chris scoffed. "Oh, I hear that. Well, I'll tell everybody else."

Lewis nodded, and walked past everybody. Cody quickly followed him, while Chris turned on his phone, and texted a few people. The people being his lawyers.

"Okay, you guys. Season two is gonna happen tomorrow! Get your butts ready, 'cause Total Drama Action is gonna be the best one yet!" Safe to say, everyone was shocked at this announcement. "Hold on, what?!" Heather stood up. Chris raised an eyebrow. "Do I need to repeat myself? I put a lot of thought into that announcement. It just isn't as good the second time!"

"Just because your kid is back, doesn't give you the right to torture us as soon as possible!" She argued with him. "Actually, it does. Your contract says so. Read it, live it, love it!" He said with a grin, as he made a heart with his hands. "Whatever. I'm outta here." She walked away, heading towards her room.

A few people followed, and some weren't even bothered. They had prepared themselves for the second season. They knew it was going to be worse than the first, so they decided to just stop arguing with Chris.

*

I hummed to myself as I went over Dad's plans for the season. I was given special permission to change them. I was never allowed to even get near them! But, he was uncertain the lawyers would accept 'em. That's why I was going over them. Obviously, Cody tagged along. "Y'know, this is supposed to be confidential..." I said with a small laugh, as I turned the page.

"Well, I got special permission. Chris is cool with me like that." He said in a smooth voice, as if he was cool. I raised an eyebrow jokingly, and put my hands on my hips. "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah!" I giggled, and returned to looking at the plans. "Hm. I guess, since you're a part of the peanut gallery... Alright." He watched me confused. "Peanut gallery? I thought we were over that."

I picked up a sheet of paper containing info about the secondary show. I clicked my tongue. "Eh... I don't think so. You're on a secondary show. Chris is calling it 'Aftermath', or whatever. We're just waiting until somebody worthy gets eliminated." He nodded in acknowledgement, as I set down the papers. "Are you done?" I tilted my head. "I don't know. I've looked through some of these, and, honestly, I don't see a problem... I mean, this is all up to Chris' standards." I scribbled down something on a post-it note, and stuck it on the wall next to the pile of papers. That was in case Dad came in while I was asleep, and wanted the papers back.

I yawned, stretched, and sat down on my bed next to Cody. He yawned, too. "You... Mm... better be going to bed. It's 9:00 PM." I laughed softly. "Since when did you care so much about my sleeping schedule?" He laughed, too. "Since, like... forever. I just didn't bring it up." I rolled my eyes at him, and fell back. "Okay. Do you wanna go to your own room?" "Not really." I furrowed my brows, and sat up. "Huh? What do you mean?"

He anxiously looked away. "Well, since you told Justin he had bad tendons, he's had it out for me. Apart from Chris, who Chef won't let him get near... I'm the closest one to you. He wants to get revenge by beating me up. I don't trust myself to be alone..." I sighed. "Oh. Oh, right. Sorry, Cody. I didn't think." He shook his head. "It's fine. You're right, anyway."

He replied with a small laugh. He continued to speak. "So... Can I stay here tonight?" I chuckled. "Sure." He then stood up, much to my confusion. "Wait. Where are you going?" He turned his head. "I'm... sleeping on the couch." I softened my eyes. "Nuh-uh. You can sleep with me!" He took a step back, surprised. "W-What!?" "Yeah. I don't trust Justin, either. You said it yourself. If he sees you, he'll kill you. That's not a risk I'm willing to take." I shook my head. He blushed, and looked away.

"I- I mean... only if you're okay with it..." He lay down beside me. I had a certain feeling... "I know what you're thinking. I would stop, if I were you." I pointed at him, and spoke half-jokingly, as he quickly nodded. "Y-Yeah, sure. I'm just not used to this."

He yawned again, and got under the covers with me. He already had his PJs on. I didn't expect someone like him to be wearing simple pyjamas. I thought they were only for girls and, like, old people. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" He asked me anxiously. I turned over. "Are you?" He put his hands on his chest. "I mean, yeah, but-" "Then I'm okay with it. Stop worrying, and just go to sleep. He's not gonna get you..."

*

The halls in the resort were the quietest they have been since the start of the competition. The silence was filled by footsteps. They echoed quietly on the wooden floors. He passed several doors, looking for the desired one. After a few minutes, he came across it.

He unlocked the door, and walked inside. He silently gazed around the room for a few seconds, trying to find what he was looking for. The neon green post-it note caught his attention. He approached, and took it. 'Papers are here. All good!'

He turned his gaze towards the bed, where he noticed Lewis was asleep. However, something was unusual. Cody was with him. They were both in the same bed. Lewis had unconsciously wrapped his arms and pulled himself into Cody's chest. He raised an eyebrow, before brushing it off, and picking up the stack of papers.

He left the room, but not before taking a second glance at Lewis. He then shut the door, and locked it behind him.

*

My eyes fluttered open to see a familiar fabric. I laid there for a few minutes, processing what the hell was going on. Okay. I'm in my bedroom. In my bed. With Cody. And... we're both hugging each other. And I fell asleep in his arms. Okay. I know what's happening now.

I let him go, and sat up. I yawned, stretched, and got out of bed. I noticed the papers on the desk were gone. Dad must've taken 'em while I was asleep. Hold on. Does that mean he saw me... uh... Never mind. It doesn't matter if he saw me. What does matter is that there's a whole new season today.

After the whole hospital thing yesterday, I really could not care what my doctor thinks anymore. I'm not, like, legally required to follow his instructions when I'm not under his guidance.

I put on a baggy shirt, shorts, and my shoes. I couldn't forget my binder, but, I think I was gonna have it on a little looser today. I feel like drinking an espresso this morning... Sure, it might have the most caffeine, but it's my favourite type to have in the mornings. Especially early ones like this, when the sun's just coming up.

I was reminded that Cody was still in my bed when I heard him mumble to himself. I smiled softly, and whispered in his ear. "I'm going to get some coffee. If you want me, I'll be outside." "Okay..." I stood back up, and walked to the door. Hold on. Should I lock this? Hm... Nah. He'll be fine. Although, I don't want to jinx myself.

I'll just hope for the best. I walked out, phone in hand, and headed outside. It was where practically everything was. The pool, the tiki bar, and the coffee machine. My favourite little corner of this massive resort. Most of it isn't even used. Like, the highest floor being taken is level 3. And, there's 6 levels.

Whatever. I guess we don't really need all this space. I switched on the machine, and it filled the air with a satisfying buzz. I sighed, and waited for a few minutes while it started up. What time is it even? I checked the clock on my phone, and read it. '5:07'. ...It is pretty early. I still want my drink.

I made it, and took it from the machine. I rested up against the buffet table. It smelt so nice, too. It was the perfect-est blend in the world. I almost didn't want to drink it. But, I did. It tasted better than I had imagined. Being stuck with that crappy machine at the hospital made me really appreciate this.

"Man, I haven't had this in such a long time..." I sighed to myself, as I took another sip of my coffee. "Hey, Lou. Mind if I get myself a latte?" It was just Dad. "Sure, knock yourself out." I stepped to the side, as he poured himself one. "Did you plan on getting up early?" He drank from his mug as he spoke.

I shrugged. "Nah. It just happened. Why?" "We're gonna have to beat the crowd. The crowd being the teenagers." I softly laughed. "Aren't they all taking a bus to the new place?" "Yup. It's in Toronto." I raised an eyebrow. "The campers are coming on the boat with us, right?" He chuckled. "Yeah! Then, we'll drop them off in central Muskoka, where they'll have hired buses waiting for them that'll take them to their destination."

So, me and Dad were going by train, while the campers were taking a bus. We'd get there thirty minutes early, so Dad could get his hair done, and all his normal, confidence-boosting crap. Nothing was wrong with it. He just needed time to style himself.

I, on the other hand, was completely natural. I put my cup away, and waited for my dad to finish up his latte. He was a fast drinker, but he enjoyed it. "I'm gonna go give these campers a little shake. Or, should I say, actors?" He said, snickering. I giggled, and rolled my eyes at him. "Sure... Go on. I'm gonna get ready to leave." 

Chapter Text

I stepped in front of the film lot. Well, this was... something. "You didn't tell me it was abandoned." I raised an eyebrow at Dad, who simply laughed. "I didn't tell the campers, either! Fun, huh?" I smiled, and shook my head. "Whatever. How about this? You get your looks done, and I'll wait up on the teenagers." He pointed finger-guns at me. "I was thinking the exact same thing."

I shrugged. "Go on. Your stylist's waiting for you." He ruffled my hair, and happily walked away. Now, I just had to wait for the stupid buses to get here. Thirty minutes isn't a long time. Is it?

[Time Skip - 20 Minutes]

Uh... 10 more minutes. This is boring, but it's what I signed up to do. I can't exactly just run off and do something else. I was just hanging out in the ticket booth where the gates were, checking the time on my phone every 30 seconds.

I heard the screeching of tyres, but brushed it off as some old vehicle passing by the lot. However, I did not expect to hear anyone's voice, especially that of Duncan's.

"Man, I miss the smell of the city." I raised an eyebrow, and turned my head. Oh, you're joking me! The bus came early?! I thought I had 10 minutes to go! He was followed by Leshawna and Harold, then Heather and Gwen, who got stuck at the doors together. They both grunted. "Ugh! Step off!" "No, you step off!"

They both growled at each other angrily, as they fell through the doors. Gwen crashed into Harold, which made him stumble, and drop his puzzle cube. He bumped into Leshawna and fell over. His cube then broke into tiny squares. Leshawna, however, did not budge. "Ow! Sorry, Leshawna..." She smiled down at him. "No harm done."

Everybody else got off the bus, and I decided I should probably check this out. I didn't know how many people came without saying anything, so I needed a head count. I stepped out of the booth, and had my back to the road. I groaned as I stretched, and then turned around.

I had, at that point, come to the realization that not a single one of these people had seen my arm. "Oh, wow. I knew it was going to be fake, but that's just obvious." I growled, and clenched my fists at Heather. "You wanna see what's really obvious?"  Leshawna put a hand on my shoulder, which made me back off.

"Cool off, hun." "Whatever." Heather scoffed. "I am NOT hanging around here." I raised an eyebrow, and straightened myself. "Wait, what?" Leshawna seemed to be as confused as I was, too. "You're really gonna give up the chance for a million big ones?" I snickered, and pointed at Heather's wig. "That's a lot of good weaves~!" She seemed to be convinced by that. "Guess I can stay for a bit."

I was bored as heck. Dad usually came out a few minutes early. What was taking so long? Beth shrugged. "Face it. The money's the only reason we put up with Chris." I cleared my throat, and raised an eyebrow. She looked at me, slightly unsure as to what I meant. I rolled my eyes at her. She and Lindsay completely brushed my questions off, and chatted like 5-year olds. "You are totally looking the part of my new BFF! That's my new best French friend! I am SO moving to France when I win!" Beth grinned up at her. "My mom said my world would totally open up when I got my braces off! She was right! I'm going to France!"

I shook my head in denial. "I don't think that's what she meant..." Bridgette stood beside me. "Don't tell her that." I laughed mockingly. "Yeah, whatever." I felt someone touching me. I looked to my side to find Harold messing around with my arm. I pulled it away, and hit him across the back of the head. "Hey! Hands off the merchandise!" He scurried off, and I groaned to myself. Honestly. When will that nerd learn to keep his hands to himself?! Leshawna already rejected his sexual advances.

I don't want his gross hands touching something that mattered a lot to me. Especially this thing. No matter how interested he was. Dad pulled up with a tour car, that had many, many seats in the back. Duncan grinned. "Dude, it's about time!" Dad smiled, as I took a seat in the back. "Hop on, everyone! Come on, people! SHEESH! We haven't got all day! This cart's rented by the hour!"

I was sat beside Owen. He was obviously not comfortable next to me. I completely understood why. But, I noticed something. "Uh... Owen? Where's... Izzy?" His eyes widened, as he looked around. He turned his head behind us, to find she had not gotten on the car "Izzy! Run!" She whistled, completely ignoring him. I thought for a second. What's her call word, again...? Oh, that's right! She likes being called Kaleidoscope, or E-Scope! My mistake. I can totally do that for her.

"Kaleidoscope! Time to get going!" She then happily turned to us. "No one leaves E-Scope behind!" She pounded on her chest like a gorilla, whilst also yelling like Tarzan. She was surprisingly fast for someone who had only been eating hot dogs and marshmallows over the two weeks I was gone.

E-Scope stopped in her tracks, as she powered herself up. She then did a few front flips towards us, before landing directly next to me. Dad noticed the cameras were recording us, and quickly changed his persona. "Welcome to the set of Total... Drama... Action!" We passed a few empty warehouses, before slowing down in front of a camera. "This season's hottest reality show will be shot here, on an abandoned film lot."

I waved my hand. "Courtesy of Mary Parson." I huffed at the thought of her. After Courtney saw everything go down, she demanded Mom sign a contract that would make her fund this season. I have to say. Even though Courtney left me to die without an arm... she can be a good person at the best times.

Lindsay gasped. "Does this mean we're gonna be in the movies?!" I rolled my eyes at her incompetence. It was cute. Dad, on the other hand, wasn't so pleased. He growled, and got up in her face, repeatedly pointing at her. "No. It means you're gonna be on TV. And don't interrupt me! Ever!" She sheepishly grinned, and held her face. "Oops. Sorry."

Dad then started up the car again, and drove past several sets. One of them being a cowboy-theme. I sighed peacefully as I made a mental note of each one. "You'll be spending the next six weeks here, competing against each other in challenges, and for rewards. All for the chance to win some monster cash!" Owen looked around with a grin. "Yeah, baby! I'm gonna win me some moolah!" His yelling forced me out of my thoughts.

I frowned, but shook it off as both me and Dad shushed him at the same time. "Shush!" "Like last season, one team will win, and one team will watch one of their own make their way down the dreaded Walk of Shame, to the Lame-o-sine."

We passed the dirty old car, and I noticed my dad roll his windows up. The muffler on the limousine backfired, which sent a massive cloud of dust our way. Everyone but me coughed, and desperately tried to clear their throats as the gross smell of smoke filled the air. Trent anxiously looked towards Dad. "Couldn't you have spun for a better ride?" Dad simply frowned, and continued to look forward.

"No. I'm actually very offended by that. I'm letting Lewis take over." I raised an eyebrow, as I clicked my tongue. "A'ight. Let's do it." I pulled out a very messy script from my small bag that I carried around. I noticed Bridgette and Geoff making out right in front of me. I hesitated in disgust for a few seconds, before looking down. "Now, um... since we don't have an outhouse to dump your deepest, darkest secrets in..." Geoff and Bridgette suddenly stopped making out. "...You'll ditch the dirt, in our new and improved makeup confessional! In other words, a place I hated up until eight years ago." I muttered the last part under my breath.

"Oh my gosh. A whole trailer full of makeup?!" Lindsay looked around in excitement and admiration. A female intern approached with some lipstick, but Lindsay shook her head. "Oh, sorry. I don't use that brand."

I continued reading from the script. "To your left, is the Craft Services tent. Catered by Chef." Both me and Dad stopped in surprise as we heard metal and other stuff crashing and clanking around. Chef ran out, chasing a raccoon with a frying pan. I quietly laughed in surprise, as Lindsay stood up to take a photo. Dad, however, thought it would be hilarious to speed off while Lindsay was standing, so she fell over. "W-Whoa!"

I rolled my eyes, and decided to ditch the script. "If you survive Chef, which I very, very much doubt, considering our crowd of contestants... Ahem... You'll have to make it through our extremely dramatic awards ceremony. Here, all but one loser will receive a Gilded Chris award."

"The Gilded Chris?" Gwen raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Ha! That narcissist! Don't get me wrong. I still want one."

Geoff rolled his eyes. "We done now, dude?" Dad frowned at him. "I have an eject button. And, I'll use it." The switch-up was immediate. "Please. Continue!" We passed through a space-themed set, much to Harold's happiness. "Woah. Cool. Is this a dream?" I silently groaned, and sat back. E-Scope laughed, and punched both me and Owen in the arm for literally no reason.

"Ow- Hey! Uh- No. No, Harold. It is not. But, according to what I've seen, you may soon wish it was. A few months ago, this lot was home to a high-budget monster movie. Until the star began experiencing some.. um... ah, well... 'difficulties'...?" I quickly said whatever came to mind.

Lindsay gasped once more, and put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, no! Did she have, like, a mental breakdown?" I chuckled, and sighed. "Nah. No, uh... The star wasn't even a 'her'. It was an animatronic monster." As the cast looked around, they noticed massive bite marks in buildings, and stuff. Gwen anxiously turned her head towards me. "What happened to it...?"

"In retrospect... I probably shouldn't have asked that question." Gwen said with a small sigh.

Duncan chortled. "What? Is the animatronic monster you?" He pointed at me. "I mean...  if you really think that's true, sure. But, I'm right here, so..." I shrugged calmly. He seemed to grow anxious of how chilled out I was being.

"He must've noticed how defensive I got against Heather... But, still. No. I was not the thing that put those marks into those buildings." I shook my head, as I took another script from an intern. "Thanks, Mateo."

A loud monster roar echoed throughout the city, while everybody plugged their ears. I raised an eyebrow at Duncan. "Still think it's me?" He laughed nervously "C'mon, dudes. He's yankin' our chains!" My eyes darted downwards, then back up. I spoke in the most serious voice I could muster. "What chain?" His eyes widened, as a blush grew on his face. I looked to the side, bored, as the car screeched to a stop.

Trent and Geoff gasped as they watched the structure fall towards us. Obviously, DJ screamed like a girl. When the dust cleared, everyone peeked out of the car to gaze at the massive thing behind us. I pointed at it with my thumb. "Just to be clear... we don't have to pay for that, right?" Dad grinned. "You betcha! Since we're on a film lot, this season's challenges will be based on movie genres. Today's genre?" The monster roared loudly again, causing a large tremble.

I chuckled, and shook my head. "Duncan's gonna wish it were me when he sees what made that noise."

"The monster movie!" He laughed, and held his stomach. "Duh..." I said with a subtle frown. But, that frown was quickly erased when I saw just how ginormous the monster was. It was replaced by a gasp from everybody, including me. But, Trent, Geoff, an DJ all had different reactions. "Woah." "Dude!" DJ's reaction being effeminate screaming.

"Okay. I know I shouldn't be this bland about starting a new season. But, I've got a technique. It's something that'll help me improve my social skills, too."

"Uh- Yo- Uh..." DJ fainted, and fell out the car. I turned my head to Dad, who shrugged at me. I got out, and crouched beside him. I poked his arm a few times, before raising an eyebrow, and speaking, semi-surprised. "Huh. I guess he's down for the count!" Dad shrugged, completely ignoring the possibly dead contestant, as he got out of the car. "For your first challenge, everyone must get from here to the cast trailers, while our state-of-the-art monster prevents your every move." He chuckled, and pointed to a tent. "Chef has kindly offered to control the beast."

I looked over to see him wearing a motion capture suit, and stomping around as if he were the actual monster. I shook my head at Dad's antics, and giggled, knowing he accepted that deal completely unwillingly.

I then turned my head back to Dad. "And... action!" He threw his hands up into the air happily. Crickets chirped, as everyone stayed in the car, silently, not moving. I stood up. "That means go?" I shrugged, confused as to why they weren't reacting. Suddenly, there was a massive rush to exit the vehicle. There was also incoherent yelling, as everybody overlapped each other.

"That totally reminded me of season 1, where, like, Lewis and I argued over Bunny. It was totally his fault, though." Geoff growled.

"That reminded me of when Geoff blamed me for losing Bunny. Uh, did I fail to mention that I nearly died in the process of saving him? He didn't even do anything! It was totally his fault." I shook my head, and crossed my arms, reminiscing of that moment.

Over all the yelling, I heard some voices. "Me first!" Trent grabbed Heather's shoulders, and pushed her behind him. "Out of my way!" Harold hit him in the neck, which made him fall over. "Hi-yah!" Duncan, however, overpowered Harold, and threw him directly to the back of the car. "Move it or lose it!" Harold yelled as he flew, while Dad sighed, and put a hand on his hip.

"This is going to be a loooonggg season..." I scoffed, and looked away. "I hear that. Do you want me to get started on the Aftermath show?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "This early?!" I dropped my arms in slight nervousness. "Well... I- I dunno. Never mind. I got eager to see some people." He softly smiled, and nodded. "Okay. It's up to you, okay?" I returned the smile. "Okay."

*

I observed from afar as several players really got into the theme of the movie. And, by 'afar', I meant on the back of the tour car. I was with Dad.

"Dad told the people who had rented it that he had handed it in, but it was still with us. He lied, obviously. He can be really good at scamming people sometimes..." I put a finger to my chin.

He had his laptop open, and was working the cameras from there. They were all running across multiple sets, like the beach one, while the monster followed them around, each step causing a forceful tremor. I also noticed that every time the monster's foot landed in the sand, it made a massive dent in the shape of a dinosaur foot. "Now, THAT must've cost a lot." I said with a small laugh.

"Oh, it did. For your Mom!" He laughed, and I stayed silent for a second. I then joined in, nervously laughing. "Yeah! Y-Yeah..." I noticed DJ had started to wake up, so I helped him sit up. He wrapped his arms around his chest, and trembled. "I can almost hear your sweet lullabies, mama..." He began to suck his thumb, and I gently patted him on the head.

Dad began giggling out of nowhere. "Hey, hey! Check this out!" He pointed at his laptop. I raised an eyebrow, and walked over. Owen looked around anxiously, as E-Scope stood on a flat part of the beach with her hands on her hips. Suddenly, a shadow grew over her. It was the giant monster hand.

Owen gasped, and yelled in her direction. "Izzy, duck! Duck!" She giggled, and shrugged. "Goose!" Unfortunately, she did not react to the massive hand slamming down, and forcing her into the air. However, she did react to being in the air. "Wheeeeee!"

She landed in a construction lift, and was knocked out for a few seconds. She stood up, spread out her arms, and grinned. "Yeah! Haha! Do it again!" Hearing this, Owen slowly shook his head with a terrified expression on his face. However, the monster ignored him, and moved towards E-Scope. He grabbed her with both hands, and carried her over to a bouncy castle, where the losers were put until the end of the challenge.

He dropped her in, and she happily bounced around for a few seconds.

"Maybe the monster won't look for me in here... I love Izzy. Not like, 'love' love. But, I think that she's amazing. I just wish she'd notice me, and not that dumb monster. How can I compete with it?! Sure, we're both big, and- and we both eat a lot... But, it's really tall."

Dad raised an eyebrow. "Huh... I have a feeling the campers might die before they can reach the trailers." I crossed my arms. "Wanna make a bet?" He gasped dramatically, placing a hand on my chest. "Are you suggesting we bet on their very lives for money?!" It was silent for a second. "Obviously. How much?" I grinned at him. "Fifty bucks." He scoffed. "Child's play."

We shook on it, and both laughed.

"Great! So, I'm getting fifty bucks if they survive, and he gets fifty bucks if they die."

My confidence was quickly switched to shock when I saw that Geoff and Bridgette were making out on a beach. "Dude! They're LITERALLY doing a challenge!" Dad laughed at my surprise, and ruffled my hair. "Cool it. It's funny!" I rolled my eyes with a small grin. "Whatever."

Gwen and Trent ran by, followed by Justin, and Beth, while Geoff and Bridgette continued to make out. Duncan ran, too, but skid to a stop. He turned his head to Geoff and Bridgette, eyes widened in surprise. "Um... I don't think this is the type of action Chris had in mind." He pointed at them, so the camera could see.

"What was I thinking? Duncan is so right. I like Geoff, but, hello? I also like a million bucks."

"Duncan's right. It's time to get our heads in the game. Booyah!"

[camera switches to both of them aggressively making out]

"Ew! Gross!" I said with a small laugh. Even Dad cringed at that one. "They're really getting into it! That's actually disgusting." I let down my shoulders a bit, as I relaxed. "Should we get to the trailers for the night? I doubt they'll get there anytime soon." Dad groaned. "Ugh, I know! But it's so far... Plus, we'll have to use the car, and I'll get sued if they find out I've been using it." I raised my eyebrow. "Who said anything about using the car?"

"Alright, alright! Let me set the record straight! I won't be using my robotic arm to get around!" Short pause. I smirked. "Up until now."

We got there fast. A little help never hurt anyone, right? At least, it never hurt me. That's why it's called help. 'Cause it... helps... people?

"I'm not just another gorgeous face, and abs, and butt, and shoulders, okay? I'm also a master strategist. And this year, I'm in it to win it!" Justin explained, as he pointed at his several body parts.

- - -

We didn't even sleep in the trailers. We were too busy fawning over a luxury coffee machine in the trailer. "Okay. We're definitely taking this, right?" He eagerly asked me. I folded my arms. "Of course we are! They shouldn't have quality items like this." He laughed, and nodded. "Now you're getting it!" 

Our conversation was interrupted by a loud bang outside. I looked to the door in confusion. "What on Earth-?" I hastily opened the door, to see one squashed trailer. And the campers were here, too. Dad stood behind me, checking what was going on. "Whoa. Am I ever glad I chose to wait in this trailer." He walked out past me, and stood in front of the campers. "It looks like you all made it. Guess I lose the bet..." He darted his eyes to me, while I smirked at him. He then continued. "That was just a warmup, anyway. Good news is, your next challenge is a reward."

All the contestants cheered, and seemed super happy. I looked away, as I stepped out of the trailer, too. "It will be the boys against the girls, with the winners getting the first pick of the trailers, where you'll be living for the next forty-two days! You will have your choice of Trailer A, or Trailer... yeesh." Dad shuddered at the sight of the destroyed trailer. "Off to the Craft Services Tent!"

Owen cheered by himself. "Aw, yeah, baby! I'm starving!"

"My mom says I eat when I'm upset. And happy. And tired. Not to mention bored, gassy, morose, joyous, comatose, semi-conscious, avuncular..." He laughed. "Avuncular."

We all stood in front of the giant buffet table. It was very long, like the ones rich people have. It was loaded to the brim with fancy foods, and drinks. Owen, once again, cheered. "Woohoo! This is awesome!" "Dude. This chow looks like something out of a commercial!" Lindsay gasped, intertwined her fingers, and brought them up to her face. "Ooh! Can I star?" I shrugged her off, and answered Geoff. "I mean, you're half-right." ...Much to his confusion.

"Let's get this speed-eating contest started!" He got on one knee, preparing to race off to eat. I watched in surprise. "On your marks... get set..." He raced towards the table. "Come to papa!" Dad raised his voice. "No, wait!" However, he was completely ignored. He faceplanted, as I chuckled at Owen.

He was really eating everything. He moved down the table, shoving everything into his mouth without even chewing it. Obviously, he skipped the lettuce, but ate the pineapple, for some strange reason. All I can say, really, is that he went all out. "Oh! Is this veal? It must be veal! I've never tasted anything like this!"

I snickered, and restrained myself from revealing it. I turned my head to see shocked expressions on all of the contestants' faces. Duncan shrugged at Leshawna, and even E-Scope was concerned.

[Time Skip - 5 Minutes]

After a good few minutes, Owen had cleared the table, and was drooling from how much he ate. I chuckled again, and walked over to him. "Owen, the man of many appetites! How was it?" He did not maintain eye contact with me at all. He was so drained that he was laying on the table. "The turkey was a bit... dry." He burped in the middle of his sentence.

I shrugged, and shook my head in disappointment. "Not surprising. Since, oh, well, y'know. The food was fake!" He widened his eyes in surprise. "Fake?!" I nodded with a small grin. "Yep. Just props. Made from foam core, silicone, sawdust, and wax. It wasn't a speed eating contest. It was a contest to find the key, dude." I stifled a laugh. Owen raised an eyebrow at me. "What key?" He burped up a small key, and it landed in his palm. "Oh, you mean this key."

I clicked my tongue, slightly startled. "That'd be the one...!" "Does this mean I win?!" He grinned up at me in excitement. I smiled back. "Yes. Yes, it does." He cheered, and got up onto his kness. "Alright!" 

Duncan was laughing heartily, and leaning back in the chair with his arms crossed. "Did you see that?! The dude ate foam core, and wax! Full props for that, man!" He laughed again.

Geoff gestured a thumbs-up to the camera. "Way to find the key, dude!" He grinned. "I used to think Owen was just some party dude, but he's really a stand-up guy. Party on!"

Harold crossed his arms. "I could've done that, you know. I just wasn't hungry." He looked away in jealousy.

Owen raised a finger. "Oh, wait, wait, wait! There's still one more!" He burped again.

Leshawna sat with crossed arms. "Know what that boy has? Guts. Guts full of foam core, and rubber. But guts just the same."

I shook my head. "Oh, jeez... I think I might need to man the infirmary again." I looked down at the phone in my hand. 'Wax poisoning'...

I poured a glass of water, and mixed some Dulcolax tablets in, hoping it would help Owen with his... uh... 'problem'. I approached him, while he groaned uncomfortably. "Ugh... O-Oh, don't worry. I'm cool. Haha... My mom says I've got a gut like a goat." His stomach then gurgled, and I could tell he was either going to:

A) Die.

Or...

B) Die painfully.

Neither of those options I was particularly happy with.

Owen groaned again. "Nope. Call 911." Dad approached the both of us, laughing. "You're gonna need it. Since you're the winner, you get first pick of the trailers." Half the contestants cheered, while the other 7 watched anxiously.

*

I began to get impatient. We had been standing here for a good thirty minutes. I was going insane. I tapped my foot, and put my hands on my hips. "We haven't got all day, Kingpin. Make a choice!" He had no idea who that was. He even took it as a compliment... "Um... I choose... the squashed one!" Every single boy except for him disagreed, and complained about it. He anxiously looked at them. "What? It has more character!" 

The girls cheered, until the monster stepped on the normal one. It was then also destroyed in the process. "Aw..."

"Ha! I am so over that monster." E-Scope crossed her arms.

Chef had finished fixing up the trailers. I remained beside the campers. I was tense, but I kept it under wraps. I had to remember my technique. "Okay, guys. Get a good night's sleep, cause Dad thought it was a good idea to set a seriously early wake-up call. Like, 6 AM. So... yeah."

"I assume I'm staying with the boys, again?" I looked at Dad. He grinned innocently. "Yup!" I sighed, and faceplanted. "Great."

Harold raised his hand. "I'll take the top." Geoff nodded. "I call the bottom." The two of them walked to their preferred beds. Trent and Owen both pointed at their own beds. "Mine." They then both walked towards their beds. Duncan looked at me, and I looked up from my phone. "Oh, I'll take last pick. I really don't care." "You sure?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "Duncan, if I wasn't sure, do you think I'd be letting you, of all people decide before me?" 

He stood silently for a second. "Good point. I'll take the bottom." He laid underneath Justin, and I got the empty bed underneath DJ. Harold got a singular bed, thank the stars. Duncan audibly got comfortable. "Oh, yeah, that's the stuff." Harold sighed, and Owen had already fallen asleep.

I overheard the girls arguing in their trailer, much to my annoyance. Why couldn't girls just, like, get along for one night?! And by 'girls', I mean Heather! Uh... I really can't be making comments on this. Especially in my current situation. 

*

"Dude. They've literally been arguing for hours!" Geoff exclaimed, as he sat up. I groaned, and looked up from my book. "They're girls. They're annoying. Get used to it." I returned my gaze to my book. "Gosh, I hope Heather's going easy on Leshawna..." Harold's been all over Leshawna since the last season. He didn't understand that she wanted to stay friends. Trent nodded in agreement. "Yeah. This is only the first episode, and they're already neck-and-neck." 

I rolled my eyes at him. "Well, some people, ahem, Heather, ahem, are just being mean for the sake of it. Stupid masochist..." I muttered those final two words under my breath. 

I shut my book, put it under my pillow, and got comfortable in my bed.

Chapter Text

I was the first one up. Even Dad was still asleep. But, luckily, I was there to deal with it. I checked my watch once more, counting down the seconds until 6 AM.

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

I pressed the button on the airhorn, sending out a large alarm-like noise. Oh, man! I forgot how fun that was! Several groans and yells could be heard from inside of the trailers. Heather was the first one out, and I could tell she was expecting Chris. God damn...

"Where's Chris?" She glared at me, and seconds later, all the contestants that had not left from the noise, had, now that everything was settled down. I simply looked at her. "He's... uh, 'busy'..."

[camera crew closes in on chris sleeping with a teddy bear wearing an apron and a chef hat]

[snickering intensifies]

I cleared my throat. "Ahem. I will meet you at Craft Services, which is the only place you'll eat for the next six weeks." I pointed towards the singular tent further away from the trailers, but remembered Dad wasn't up yet. However, by that time, everybody was already in the tent. I groaned, and rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Fine. We'll just be like that, then."

*

"Okay, you guys. I think we've all noticed neither Chris or Chef is here yet. Questions?" I looked at everybody. "Yeah, uh, hello, Mr. Obvious? Where are they?!" I narrowed my eyes at Heather. "Uh, calm down, Felicia Mane. He's busy. I told you this, like, ten times already!" I raised my voice slightly.

"Oh? Who's Felicia Mane, I hear you ask?" I laugh. "Well, she's bald! She's bald, and she tortures people who have hair!"

Owen raised his hand. I looked at him. "Are we gonna eat soon?" "I'd wait a few more minutes. See if they turn up. If they don't, you get me cooking for you." I heard multiple sounds of agreement, and happiness. Were they really that fine with me cooking for them? I mean, I've never made breakfast for teenagers before... I don't know their preferences, and... Uh... Hold on. Why do I care about what they want? They know the routine! They'll get what they're given!

[Time Skip - 10 Minutes]

Nothing. Really? Not even a text, or-

BUZZ!

My phone brought me out of my thoughts. I checked it, and saw Dad sent a photo. I sighed in relief, and swiped it open. I let out a small giggle as I looked down at the screen. No freakin' way. "What's so funny?" Duncan eyed me. I stifled another, and shook my head. "N-Nothing! Nothing. Just... just give me a minute."

I made my way outside, and looked down at my phone again.

. . .

Cool Dad

feeling silly today x

[angry alien chef while chris does a peace symbol, winking]

lol

should i make the breakfast??

it would be of much convienice
convenice?

concenviece.

convenience*
haha

we'll be 1 hour
is that enough?

defo.
thx dad

. . .

I walked back into the tent, restraining a smile. "OK. Looks like I'm making the breakfast." Lots of happiness and cheering. No way Chef's food was that bad. Or... was he making it like that? Nah... he couldn't. Whatever. I walked into the kitchen curiously. "Alright. Let's see what we've got here..."

I dug through several cupboards and drawers, and every little storage space I could find. "What the hell?!" I yelled, standing up properly. Gwen looked my way. "What's wrong?" I kept my gaze on the cupboards. "There's literally nothing edible in here." She replied with a surprised demeanour. "You're joking." She came into the kitchen, and stood beside me. "Oh my god." I groaned. "Screw this. I'm going to the store."

"Are you sure they won't notice?" I turned my head as I walked away. "I've got an hour. The closest store is five minutes. What I'm planning will take ten minutes for everyone. Don't sweat it."

*

I got all the ingredients, and began to make breakfast for the fourteen people. Some of them watched as I made the food, while some others were just chatting to themselves. "You really know your way around a pancake!" Owen said with glee, as I plated it with a small smile.

"Thanks. Take a seat, man." I handed the plate to him, and he sat down. Now, everybody had their food, and I could relax. Chef's right. This is hard. But it's something I enjoy. How much time do I have left?

I checked my phone, to see I still had forty minutes till camera time. "This is delicious!" Owen yelled from half-way across the table. It was gross. Nice, but, gross. Duncan poked at his food with his fork. "I forgot how hungry I got last year on Chris' wrecked schedule." Gwen widened her eyes. "I know! Got to the point where I'd kill for Chef's disgusting food. No offense, Lewis." I eyed her for a second. "None taken."

"I knew she said that cause of how hurt I got over the whole 'war' thing last season. I'm totally over it now."

Duncan pushed his plate away. "Blech. You can have my food, big mouth." Owen took his plate, as I raised an eyebrow. "Not into sweet stuff?" He crossed his arms, and looked away. "I'm not hungry." Gwen stifled a laugh, and pointed at Duncan. "Judging from that gut, I thought you'd be all over the extra carbs." Owen took seconds before Gwen, so she didn't get anything to eat. 

Duncan let out a small laugh. "Nice. Real nice." Trent sat down next to them both. "You can have my food, Gwen." Gwen turned her head, and smiled. "Thanks, but I can't take enemy toast." Trent furrowed his brows, and shook his head in confusion. "Enemies? We're not enemies!" Duncan rested his chin on his palm. "In this game, we're all enemies." 

Trent smiled innocently. "Except for me and Gwen. I'll always have her back, no matter what." Gwen pointed at Trent. "Right back at you, babe." Duncan scoffed, and stood up. "I'll remind you two of that when the money's being divvied up." He sat down on the other table, huffing. 

E-Scope was pouring ketchup all over her pancakes. I walked over to her. "Okay, I think that's enough, E-Scope." I took the bottle from her, and she went to sit down with a grin plastered on her face. I looked at the bottle of ketchup in disgust. Lindsay and Beth were behind me. "That is so wrong." "SO wrong..." E-Scope smirked. "In battle, we put ketchup on everything. Covers the taste of mortar." She chuckled evilly, and began to devour her food.

I groaned, and leant back against the wall. Lindsay admired her nails. "My new nail polish is mortar. Isn't it hot?" Beth grinned. "Gray is totally your colour." I raised a brow. "Do you two even know what mortar is?" They both shook their heads, and I rubbed my head. "It's, like- Ugh, whatever. It wouldn't make sense. Just go sit down." The two of them followed my instructions, while Owen stood up, again, for more food.

"Woah, lay off the treats, big guy. We're all out of pancakes." I stood in front of him. He stopped, and groaned. "Ugh. No pancakes for me. I'll just have this..." He swallowed down vomit. "...Nice bowl of... prunes..." As well as the contestants, I gasped at him. "What?" He looked around, confused.

"Owen. Eating... prunes?! Has he gone on a diet?! My prayers have been answered!"

"My, uh, plumbing's been clogged ever since I ate all those fake food props. Pressure build-up's been killing me!" He grunted a few times. "Aw, c'mon, colon! Don't fail me now!" He farted. "Oh, I hear bells!"

"Hey, do you guys know if it's legal to own a multi-barrel machine gun?" I asked, looking up. "What!?" Trent asked, semi-disturbed. "You heard me. I need to know if we can legally own a working multi-barrel machine gun." Duncan chortled. "No, duh! You can totally own one." I looked back down at my phone. "Thanks, dude."

. . .

The Cooler Dad

yh
you can totally own one

Really?
Like, legally?

thats right
i made sure to ask duncan
legal n everything

. . .

"Why do you even need to know that?!" Beth raised her voice at me. I turned my head to her. "Uh... no reason. Just curious." I dodged that question. Luckily, Dad came in so I wouldn't have to continue that discussion further. "Welcome to day two of Total Drama Action!" He clapped down on his movie slate. Duncan raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you going to do that every time?"

Dad grinned. "Yes. Yes, I will." Duncan tried to keep his cool, and shrugged. "Alright then." My dad continued to speak. "Today's movie genre: Aliens!" Trent and Duncan seemed fairly excited about that. "Our unpaid interns have been hard at work figuring out what makes an alien movie successful. Chef?" Chef came in from the back, and was doing something in the kitchen. "You got three basic rules. Aliens wanna take over the world and start making lots of baby aliens, people fight back, then the military's called in."

He suddenly raised his voice. "Yo, Chris! Where's my pay check at!?" I looked over to Dad suspiciously. He took a step back. "It's... in the mail!" I sighed. "Right." "Anyway... Today's challenge, find an alien egg, and return to home base before Mama Alien finds you." He pointed at a map, and then threw it over his shoulder. "The two fastest get to pick the teams this season."

Duncan crossed his arms, and smirked. "Sorry, losers, but no one knows alien movies the way I do. The more obscure, the better." Gwen pointed at him, and deepened her voice. "'I'm gonna blend those no-good aliens, and have 'em for breakfast!'" Duncan chuckled. "Dude, Alien Chunks is my favourite alien movie of ALL time!" Gwen laughed in response. "Me too! I've seen it twenty-seven times!" However, Duncan turned it into a competition. "Fifty-three." "You'll be tough to beat. But, I have my lucky charm." 

"I love the scene in Alien Chunks where they turn the aliens into fruity, blended drinks. I even have the necklace."

Trent smiled at Gwen. "I like that movie where the aliens take over the government. 'Take me to your leader'!" I scoffed at him. "Seriously Trent, just stop trying at this point." He shrugged nervously at me. "It was a good movie! Right... Gwen?" She looked away anxiously. "Uh, okay. This is kinda awkward."

That, however, was interrupted when DJ raised his hand. "Yo, Chris! You got some laser-shootin' monster playing Mama Alien?" Dad raised an eyebrow. "Not quite." I turned to see Chef wearing an alien suit. It had literally only been, like, thirty seconds. Dad shook his head at Chef. "You call that slime? Makeup! More slime over here!" An intern came over, and dumped another bucket of slime on him. 

He frowned, and mumbled something under his breath. Dad took a bunch of tablets out of his bag, and threw them to the campers. "Here are your GPS devices, complete with maps of the film lot. Find the alien eggs, but be careful. 'Cause today, you're all on Chef's menu." Chef laughed evilly, and everyone got up to leave.

*

"I have already told that skinny little tadpole that things between us aren't meant to be!" She paused for a second. "Guess he can't get over the lusciousness that is Leshawna."

"I'm pretty sure Leshawna isn't over me yet. I see the way she looks at me. Like she's un-pantsing me with her eyes. Her beautiful, brown eyes. Like chocolate almond-"

The set the challenge was on today was some sort of storage facility. Like all sci-fi films, everything is made out of metal. I feel like the contestants are at a disadvantage here... I looked around nervously, before turning the corner. I bumped into someone, and stumbled back, yelping.

"Jesus Christ! Put me back in the hospital, why don't you?!" I looked up to see several contestants. They were, stupidly, all in a group, with the exception of Duncan, Gwen, and Trent, I believe. I didn't count them all. "Well, maybe if you weren't in the way!" Heather raised her voice at me. "You know, for a group of nine people, you really aren't that loud! How on Earth was I supposed to know?" I stood up properly, and rolled my eyes at them.

Silence. "Just what I thought." Heather scoffed, and continued to hit the side of her GPS. "Ugh! How come we're the only dots on the screen?! Where's Chef?" Justin turned to her. "How did you get in our group?" Heather quickly shook her head, and furrowed her brows. "There are no groups yet. Plus, there is only one way we can go." She pointed down the hall. I raised an eyebrow, and began walking that way. "Hey! Where do you think you're going?!" "The only way we can go, apparently."

"Even though Heather can be really mean, that doesn't mean we should be mean back, right? Buddha says, 'You can lead a sheep to water, but you can't make it nice.'" Beth looked up at Lindsay, as she gasped. "That is so deep!"

"Yeah, uh-huh, watching what Beth just said. That's not the quote. Buddha didn't even say that. John Heywood did. And, it was about a horse."

Gwen, Trent and Duncan joined up with us again, and I wasn't even there willingly. "Okay, seriously. Can you guys stop going in the same direction as me?" I turned my head to them. "Uh, no. You know where the eggs are." Heather crossed her arms, and I let out a small laugh. "How can you be so sure? After all, I could be leading you in circles, and you'd have no idea." She scoffed. "Why would you do that?" "Well, may I remind you I AM related to Chr-"

Our chatter was interrupted by sucking noises. I stopped my sentence. "What the...?" Gwen quickly spun around, and shushed us. The noises continued, and even began to get more intense. "What is that?" We all turned to Beth, who shrugged. "Ever since I got my braces off, I don't make that sound anymore!" Leshawna angrily put her hands on her hips, and looked around. "Chris! Is that you?!" 

Duncan leant near the corner. "It must be Chef. You wanna run, or you wanna kick some alien butt?" Gwen excitedly clenched her fists. "Let's kick some alien butt!" Trent cleared his throat, drawing attention to himself. "Trent? Any thoughts?" He grimaced. "Yeah, let's... kick some alien butt!"

Harold turned to Leshawna, but spoke to everyone. "So, who wants to go first?" Suddenly, everybody turned towards me. I looked in confusion. "What?"

*

"H-Hey! I'm not even competing, man!" I protested against this idea. It was not a smart one. They wanted to use me as bait so they could sneak around and get their eggs. "Guys, serio-" "Shut up, and be alien food!" Heather interrupted me. I groaned, and approached the noise. Then, I began to notice that the contestants were slowly following me.

Whatever. "Watch out, alien Chef, 'cause here comes Beth!" She stormed past me. "Oh! It's just Bridgette and Geoff!" "WHAT?!" I furrowed my brows, and came close. It really was. Everybody surrounded the two making out. "Oh, nice! Don't you two ever get sick of sucking face?" They didn't respond. They just continued to make out. Owen looked away in disgust. "I'm guessing that's a no."

Gwen looked at them, annoyed. "Enough messing around. We've got alien eggs to capture." 

"I wasn't worried about Chef. Alien costume, or not. I mean, I did place second last year. I know exactly what I'm doing."

"Gwen's starting to take charge. I'm not sure if I'm intimidated by that, or not."

Now, all 14 teenagers were together in a cluster. Not the best strategizing, if you ask me. "Can I go now?" I pointed in a different direction. "No. We might still need you as bait." "Is that why I'm at the front of your LINE?" I pointed the major problem out, but was completely dismissed. Gwen seemed to notice, though. "Yeah. Good thing we're all lined up, huh?" Trent stood beside me. "Yeah. Ready for Chef to pick us off one at a time."

"You've... really gotta work on your strategizing." Suddenly, the GPS started repeating the words, 'Danger'. Everybody then began to freak out, but I groaned. "Told you." "Let's get out of here!" "Which way do we go?" Heather and Justin both asked in their normal voices, but Lindsay believed the GPS was an alarm, and began yelling. "North is nice, but, east is least, west is best!" Leshawna, in turn, yelled back.  "Can't argue with that. Wouldn't even know how to!" Lindsay, Beth, Leshawna and Justin ran away to the west.

I rolled my eyes at them. "Really? I mean, seriously? They believe Lindsay?" Gwen scoffed, and looked at the device. "Map says the boiler room's east of here." Duncan nodded. "Alien eggs are always in the boiler room." Trent nervously looked away, but forced a smile. "Uh, yeah, totally. East it is!" DJ, Trent, and Gwen got a head start, running east.

I began walking with Bridgette and Geoff, but all three of us were stopped by Duncan. "Where do you think you're going?" Bridgette raised an eyebrow. "With you, to the boiler room." Duncan crossed his arms. "Sorry, but the lovebirds, and their kid, are on their own." Bridgette and Geoff gasped, while I simply glared at him.

"In any alien flick, the kissing couple's always first to go. Either them, or the innocent, weak kid. There's no way Romeo, Juliet, and their little lap dog are gonna ruin my chances at a million big ones. Uh-uh."

"Hey! I thought I was bait! What happened to that, huh?" I narrowed my eyes at him. He shook his head. "I guess we don't need you anymore!" I scoffed, and looked away in annoyance.

"This is it, baby. Better make it good!" They both held onto each other. "That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard!" They both began making out. I gagged, and tapped my foot impatiently. "You DO realize you're not gonna... Ugh. Forget it. I'm outta here." They continued to make out as I walked away.

*

"Tell you what, that's actually disgusting..." I grumbled under my breath. Of course, I bumped into someone. Just my luck. It was Heather. 

"We really need to stop meeting like this." She looked at me. I looked back in shock, and disgust. "Are you flirting with me?!" "What!? No!" E-Scope interrupted the conversation. "Ooh! Heather's flirting!" Heather quickly turned around. "I was totally not!" "Dude, you were literally smirking at me! What the hell, man!?"

"I knew she wasn't flirting with me. I was just teasing her." I crossed my arms. "Wait. Teasing isn't flirting, is it?"

"I wasn't trying to get with you, god damnit! I just want to find my stupid egg!" She stomped her foot. I shrugged, and shifted away. "Fine. But, I'm disgusted, and uncomfortable. Keep your distance, Chandler." 

*

I heard Bridgette and Geoff making out again. "You've gotta be joking me." Heather, Owen, E-Scope and Harold all stopped in their tracks. Heather snapped her fingers. "Everyone, snap out of it! If we don't bring it together, we are gonna lose this challenge! Now, who is with me?" Owen nervously looked away. "Ah, it's- it's hard to say. Um, does being 'with you' imply some sort of an alliance?"

I raised my hand. "Uh, yeah, cause we don't like you." Heather gasped, and glared at Owen. He nervously grinned, and looked at the ground. She then quickly shook her head. "Okay. Okay! Forget being with me. Who's willing to walk beside me in mutual pursuit of our goals, with no commitment of any kind?"

"Yeah, whatever." I agreed first. "I can agree to that." Then, Owen did. After him came Harold. "Count me in." I suddenly heard something. I furrowed my brows, before realizing what it was. Harold seemed to notice, too. "Did anyone else hear that?"

"I may not be the best looking guy, or the best dressed, or the most buff... But, I get my butt kicked a lot. So, my senses are totally heightened. I can sense when something's coming. Nothing gets by me."

Heather, Owen and E-Scope gasped. I chuckled, and leant back on the railing. Here we go. Chef tapped Harold on the shoulder, and he turned around. "Say hello to eternity." He shot Harold with his paintball gun, which sent him flying backwards. "Ah! I'm hit! I'm hit!" Owen's... 'problem' arose again, which led him to be shot out, and he ran off-set, leaving E-Scope and Heather.

Heather hid behind me, much to my confusion. "I am not going down without a fight, you glorified dung beetle... lizard... whatever!" "Heather! I told you to stop flirting with me!" I pushed her away. E-Scope laughed, stood in front of Heather, and pulled out a paintball gun. "One of us isn't getting out of here clean! Haha!" 

Chef growled at her. "You call that a paintball gun?" He threw away his old one, and pulled out a bigger one. "This... is a paintball gun."

"The multi-barrel machine gun wasn't a joke?!" I gasped.

E-Scope laughed, and pulled out the exact same gun. "Fun! I love this game!" Me and Heather looked at each other in confusion, before Heather took a step back. "Okay. Well, I'll just let you two have at it." She then ran away, leaving me. E-Scope cocked her gun, and aimed it. "If I can handle hand-to-paw combat with a polar bear, haha, I can handle a bald, emotionally withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume."

I gasped, and took several steps back. "You did not just say Chef was..." "Who are you callin' a cook?!" I quickly dodged him as he began firing at E-Scope. She avoided them by flipping through the air. She began firing back, and nearly hit Chef. He dodged one by a hair, and that seemed to be the final straw for him.

E-Scope knew she was screwed from that moment. She barely missed the paintballs being fired at her. She then suddenly got hit in the chest, and fell back, dropping her gun. I crouched by her, as Chef overlooked her. "I think you might've actually killed her..." "Uh-oh. Not again." "Again-?" I was interrupted when E-Scope jumped up, laughing. "I thought you were dead!" Chef let out a small laugh, something which I've never heard him do before.

"Chef laughing?! Okay, just- What?!"

*

I was given the chance to get out of that situation when I noticed the boiler room was literally right around the corner of here. I made my way over quietly.

. . .

[3rd Person P.O.V]

. . .

Gwen's GPS beeped, as she, DJ, Duncan and Trent all stood in front of a door. It was opened slightly, which made Trent even more nervous than he was before. Duncan shushed him, as all four of them peeked their heads through the door.

Lewis stood there, hand on his chin. He was also standing directly above where the eggs were. "There they are...!" Gwen spoke below a whisper. "Is he guarding them-?" Trent asked, raising an eyebrow. "Let's beat him up!" Duncan quietly announced, as he pounded his fist into his palm. "Woah, woah. We can't just hurt him. He might just be checking the room out."

"You know, you're not exactly the best at being stealthy." They flinched when they noticed Lewis was now beside him. "How did you-?" "Eh. Go get your eggs." He shrugged, and move to the side. The four of them walked in, jaws agape at how easy that was. However, Trent was just happy he didn't have to fight anyone. 

"Wow. They look so real!" DJ happily cheered. "Woohoo! We won! Yeah!" Duncan frowned. "Not so fast, big guy. We still have to get the eggs back to home base." The GPS beeped, which meant Chef was getting closer. Gwen panicked, and threw it to Lewis. "Quick! Lower me down!" Trent did so, and she broke the first one, which annoyed her. However, she obtained a second one, and got back up. 

Chef ran through the door, and shot DJ in the back with a paintball, causing him to fall to his knees. He then chased Duncan, Gwen, and Trent away, leaving only DJ and Lewis in the room together. "Save yourselves!" DJ wasn't too happy that they actually listened to him. He pouted.

Lewis was in the middle of helping him up, when he suddenly dropped DJ, and gasped. "Hey! What's that for, man?" He turned his head to Lewis, who was grinning at something. "DJ! Look! Look at 'em!" He then held it out.

'It' was two fluffy mice. The first was a mouse that had a similar pattern to that of a Siamese cat. It was also fairly small, so was evidently a pup. The second mouse was mainly white with black markings peculiarly placed around its body.

[Mouse No. 1]

[Mouse No. 2]

- - - - - -

[Lewis' P.O.V]

- - - - - -

Instinctively, DJ picked up the black and white one. "I used to have a mouse like this!" He immediately took a liking to it. The mouse, too, took a liking to DJ. "You're keeping her?" I asked, with a small smile. "Mhm! She's called Mabel!" I chuckled at the cute name. "Nice!"

Our conversation was brought to a halt when I overheard Dad on the speakers. "Attention, civilians! The military is here to protect you now! Unfortunately, we can't let you leave with any alien eggs." I let the mouse in my hand climb up to my shoulder, as both me and DJ stood up. 

"Don't worry. He's probably not gonna do any... thing." I looked outside to discover that practically everything on the street in front of us was covered in green slime. Dad laughed from his helicopter. "Woo! Glad I don't have to clean that up!" "Not gonna do anything, huh?" DJ walked beside me. "Okay... Maybe I was wrong... Since you're out, it's probably safer to avoid this area in general." "Good point."

He then walked away in a completely different direction. 

"I hope he likes Mabel. She wasn't a gift, or anything! I just found them both. Speaking of which, I'd like you to meet Manitoba! Named after the first place I saw the Northern Lights!" I held up the Siamese mouse. "He's a beauty, isn't he?" 

"Duncan is always acting like such a tough guy. 'Ooh, you've got a mohawk!' Oh, you're so tough, bud. Yeah, haha, hairspray's really manly. I love seeing Gwen stick it to Duncan. She's so awesome. I'd do anything for her."

"I know this is gonna sound really girly. But, I was seriously touched when Trent chose my necklace over the egg. Most guys would've gone for the win."

I approached the three, to see that not a single one of them had their egg. I raised an eyebrow. "You three gave it a valiant effort. But, you're still losers!" Dad laughed at them. Trent furrowed his brows at him, but suddenly let his expression up, when he saw something behind us. "Not so fast, Chris." He ran past us, and grabbed two eggs. "Looks like my good luck charm is working already! Gwen, meet you at home base." He ran past us once more, narrowly avoiding Chef.

Me and Dad walked up to Chef, although, our intentions were different. "Can't you do anything right?" Dad asked Chef, which made me look at him in surprise. Chef, on the other hand, was fairly upset with him. "Where's my money?! Hm?! Give me my money!" Dad ran away, and I just groaned.

*

"Manitoba, huh?" He looked on. "Mhm. It's the place where I first saw the Northern Lights! Coincidentally, it's also the first place I ever saw a mouse." "Woah..." He replied, slightly surprised. I nodded. "Yeah. Woah." We stopped once we got to the trailers. Everyone was already there, and Dad was just doing his thing. 

"After we vote off two cast members in the most thrilling Gilded Chris ceremony yet..." I raised an eyebrow at him. "You mean... one." "No, I mean two. I said two. I'm liking the twos today. Must be Tuesday." There were literal, audible crickets. Nobody laughed. He shrugged in response. "Yeah, I don't get paid to write this show."

*

"Do I have to wear this suit?" I stared down at the thing I was wearing. "What? You look nice in it!" Dad said, as he adjusted his bowtie. I scoffed, and rolled my eyes. "You might wanna ask Lindsay before making any decisions. But, if you want me to wear it, I will."

*

"It's time to cast your votes." Dad stood in front of his podium, while I nervously stood to his left. "Under your seats, you'll find your voting devices. Just press the button of the person you want voted off. Oh, and, no peeking. Or it's..." He sung something to himself about being kicked off involuntarily, like a child would, and then laughed to himself. "The votes have been cast."

Chef came in wearing a pink, sparkly dress, to which everyone but me, him, and Dad found incredibly amusing. "If you get a Gilded Chris, it means you're safe. For now. And, the Gilded Chrises go to... Trent. Gwen. Harold. Duncan... and... Izzy." I whispered to Dad. "E-Scope." He rolled his eyes. "Fine. E-Scope. Lindsay, Justin, and Beth are also safe."

Lindsay and Beth cheered together. "So is Owen! My man!" Owen laughed, and smiled. "Aw, thanks, Chris! Haha! And, thanks Chef, for doing what the prunes couldn't." "Too much info." I said, slightly disgusted. "Next is... DJ! Surprisingly, Heather. And, last, but not least..."

Cue for dramatic music...

"Leshawna!" She squealed, cheered, and hugged both Bridgette and Geoff, before quickly backing off. "Oops! My bad!" Bridgette and Geoff were both clearly upset. "But... but... I thought everyone liked us!" Duncan scoffed. "'Liked' being the operative word."

"I know exactly who's gonna get it this week." Duncan imitated Bridgette and Geoff kissing.

"Two words. Bridgette, and Geoff."

"Least they'll have each other. Right, Mabel?" He scratched his pet mouse on the head.

"Any final-" I quickly interrupted Dad. "Wait, wait, wait." He looked at me, semi-confused. "What?" "I think... I think I see the vision." I pictured them both, and it fit my criteria. "W-What?! Already? Well, okay... Bridgette, Geoff, you're about to be in for something extra, extra special."

They weren't even listening. They were so busy making out, but I knew one of Dad's agents would give them the down-low, anyway.

*

"I'm warning you, Lewis, they're a couple of amateurs! Are you sure this is the right fit?" He looked at me anxiously. I simply looked down at the papers. "I'm sure of it. Just trust me with a production choice. This one time?" I looked up at him, giving him a fake pleading look. He whined, before groaning. 

"Fine! Fine. Aftermath is being hosted by Bridgette and Geoff now."

Chapter Text

We were up extremely early. I mean, like 3:00 am early. I'm used to it, though. Hospital can be surprisingly demanding sometimes, especially if you're a famous person, and there's a bunch of obsessive fans waiting outside your ward, just to catch a glance of you.

Once again, I was on airhorn duty. So... I guess I had to tend to that. "Careful, Mani. This'll be loud." I warned the mouse in my pocket. He burrowed slightly further down in response to this, which was normal, considering we usually understood each other.

After a few seconds, I decided it was a good time, and it rang out throughout both trailers, causing both teams to jolt awake in quite a mood. I spoke through the megaphone, trying to not be harsh, but... also be harsh. If you know what I mean.

"All crew on set! Call time is 4:00 am!"

/// Beth ///

"At first, I thought he was talking to the CREW crew, not us. I was really hoping they'd replace Chris the Creep with a nice host this time around. Y'know, one that doesn't force his kid to scream into a megaphone at three in the morning! Is that mean? ...Sorry."

/// End ///

All the girls got out of their trailers first, and every single one was as exhausted as the next. The order went something like this; Gwen, Lindsay, Leshawna, Heather, and Beth. Leshawna, obviously, had something to say about it. "I can't believe I'm doing another season of this show." But, clearly, I had missed someone, because E-Scope jumped and skipped out of the cabin, energetic as ever.

The boys got out last, and the same feeling went for them. They were all exhausted. The order went like this; Owen, Trent, Justin, DJ, Harold, Duncan. Harold, just like Leshawna, had something to complain about, in his own nerdy way. "This continuing, sadistic wake up call is messing with the natural rhythms of my mind clock. My mojo will be destroyed."

I clicked my tongue, and put my hands on my hips. "Yeah, well, I'm not exactly happy about it either. Plus, you're on a film set now, and you're gonna have to learn that show biz is not all red carpets, and pool parties. Today, you're gonna be taught just how tough on-set production life can be."

Gwen raised a brow and spoke, while Heather rolled her eyes at the both of us. "Whatever. I can deal. I once had a summer job at a petting zoo. It's so adorable. Everybody feeding the adorable goats their adorable cabbages. But somebody, i.e. me, had to shovel up the less adorable end of the digestive track." I did not exactly care for that information, but I heard it, nevertheless.

"Speaking of which, it's time to pick your teammates, and then try to stick it to the team your, uh, little boyfriend chooses." I made a quick glance to Trent, who seemed rather upset about that. "I am not little! But... we're not gonna get all competitive and nasty, are we?" He nervously asked Gwen, who shook both her head and her hands. "Absolutely not! We learned from last season, right?"

Everyone got into random lines, which was rather annoying, but it had to be like that, 'cause I obviously wasn't allowed to confront it. "Okay, let's just get this bloodbath of a popularity contest over and done with. You're gonna choose 'schoolyard' style. Boy, girl, boy, girl. Y'know, the pattern that literally nobody likes. Ladies first, and... since we clearly have no ladies here, Gwen. Pick first."

She sighed in uncertainty, before shrugging, and pointing to someone. "I dunno. Duncan?" Trent gasped dramatically, obviously betrayed, while Duncan smirked at Gwen.

/// Trent ///

"I can't believe she just went ahead and chose Duncan! I mean, they're kind of alike. And, now she wants to be on the same team? What am I supposed to make of that?! You think you know a person!"

/// End ///

Duncan approached Gwen, and they both high-fived each other enthusiastically. Trent frowned, before smirking, and pointing towards Lindsay, fairly unnecessarily. "I choose... the beautiful Lindsay!" Lindsay's jaw dropped slightly, before she cheered happily for herself. "Yay!" I raised a brow at Trent, who didn't seem to notice, and was more focused on getting Gwen jealous.

/// Gwen ///

"The... beautiful? What, was Trent trying to tick me off by picking Lindsay like that? Psh. You think you know a person!"

/// End ///

Gwen furrowed her brows, and from that point on, the competitivity was clear to see. I just wish Dad was here so that he could savour this. "Because I like to keep things cool, I pick Leshawna." Leshawna proudly walked up to Gwen, and gave her a high-five as soon as she was done talking. "The girls are back in town!"

Lindsay gasped, and turned to Trent with that expected, dumb grin. "You know what would be so great? If you picked Tyler!" Trent softened his expression for a moment, telling Lindsay the thing she just couldn't see. "Tyler's not in the game anymore." Lindsay frowned, and sighed. "Seriously? Bummer..." Trent face-palmed, before raising a finger. "I choose Justin." Justin proudly walked towards Trent, while I could see his strategy.

Naturally, I made fun of it. "Oh, pft, yeah, pick all the good-looking contestants. That'll really get you far." Trent scowled at me, before explaining smugly. "It will in show biz!" I simply raised a brow, and shook my head. "Mm-hm...!" Gwen growled, and put her hands on her hips. "DJ." DJ smiled, and from then, it was just a rapid fire round. "Beth."

Gwen tapped her lip, and was about to say something, before Leshawna whispered something to her. I couldn't hear it from where I was standing, but my best guess is it was about Heather, cause of what Gwen did. "Fine. We choose Heather." Heather widened her eyes, and turned her head towards Gwen, clearly shocked. "Really?!"

/// Heather ///

"It's about time someone realized who's the most valuable player here. I mean, seriously, people."

/// End ///

I looked at the options Trent had next, and honestly, they weren't really great. There was either Owen, or Harold, since it went boy, girl. He looked in between them, tapping his chin strategically. Owen was doing something gross, I don't even wanna write down, while Harold kicked the air, only to fall backwards.

/// Trent ///

"How do you pick between flakier, and flakiest? I mean, at least Owen got farther in the last game, so I guess that's worth something. Dude, I dunno, I had to pick someone!"

/// End ///

"Uh... I choose... Owen." Owen cheered, and ran towards Trent, giving him a high-five. Although, Trent wasn't too happy with it. He wiped his hand on his shirt, while Harold made, yet another, nerdy comment on his supposed 'wicked skills'. "Uh, hello? Don't wicked skills count for anything? I mean, who else here went to film camp and is fully trained as a junior cinematographer with a thorough knowledge of lighting filters, film stop-"

Gwen interrupted him, thank the stars. "I pick Harold. If for no other reason but to shut him up." Gwen and Leshawna both glared at him, as he approached, smiling. "Wise choice." Gwen raised a brow, and shrugged. "There were no other guys left." Harold's counter argument really was effective, if you ask me. "Still."

I looked around, and saw that only E-Scope remained. I looked over to Trent, who seemed reluctant to let her join him, but didn't exactly have a choice. "Um... I guess Izzy is on my team then. ...Izzy?" She whistled, completely ignoring him. I didn't think to correct Trent, because it was his fault for deadnaming E-Scope. Lindsay whispered the correction to him, to which he responded by sighing. "Oh, right. E-Scope?"

At this, she smiled, quickly waved her hand, and walked over to Trent without a problem. "Here! Haha! Hi." With a sigh, I rubbed my eyes, and spoke up. To be fair, this script was one of the corniest things I've ever read. Too bad I didn't get to read over that. "Gwen, I christen your team, The Screaming Gaffers. Trent, you're the Killer Grips."

Beth frowned, and argued back. "Grip? I- I don't wanna be a Grip!" I scowled, and looked her up and down before speaking. "Oh, well, that's just too bad." Heather scoffed, and looked at her nails. "Psh, puh-lease! It's not like being called a Gaffer is something to brag about. It sounds like something that has rabies."

There was a large crash from off-set. Heather and a few other people flinched, but when I looked over, the camera crew had purposefully broken something. "I'm sick and tired of gettin' no respect around here!" He stormed off angrily. The other one pushed a TV screen onto the ground, smashing it, and followed after the first. I frowned, and quickly turned to face the two teams again.

"Oh, great! Good job, guys! You've just made two of my co-workers quit! Just for that, your challenge is to make a film set, and I, personally, want them to go up there!" I pointed up to the highest point of the artificial cliff. P.S. It was the same height as the one on Camp Wawanakwa, which was 1,000 ft.

Gwen seemed to doubt the difficulty of the challenge. "Oh, please. If you're giving us the challenge, it can't be that hard." "Oh, really? Since you don't think it's hard enough, how about this; I expect you to be up there with all your equipment in an hour, or else there's a penalty for the last team there." Almost immediately, everybody raced off to get their film set tech and other things.

/// Lewis ///

"Just to set the record straight, those two were my favourite interns. Sure, it's one thing making any intern quit, but it's a whole other level making the actual professionals quit! I hope the Grips and Gaffers understand just how unfair this actually is."

/// End ///

They were getting it up the hill, but it was incredibly inefficient. I mean, Harold was dragging and scraping the large lights, and basically everyone was moving them somewhat wrong. This was genuinely frustrating to watch. I mean, I COULD show them... but... I won't. It is kind of entertaining to see them struggle.

I stood up at the top with Chef, although he was busy doing something else, probably to do with technology, or something like that. All I was doing was eavesdropping to find something to use against someone.

"What are you doing with him?!" Trent yelled at Gwen, 'cause she fell back, and Duncan caught her. She raised a brow, and spoke in confusion. "Uh... we're on the same team?" Trent frowned, and tried to take a step forward, but his foot got caught in the cable, and he fell forward. Lindsay rushed over, and helped him up, much to his satisfaction. "And, we're on the same team."

Gwen frowned as the two of them ran off. Heather, who was pulling up a cart of props, bumped into Duncan, which made her release her grip on it, and it slid down the hill. She scowled, and turned to him and Gwen. "People! This is crazy inefficient! I say we organize relay style, and pass the equipment up." Gwen frowned, and walked off with Duncan. "If you say it, we're not doing it."

Heather argued against it. "But it's a good idea!" Harold approached Heather, and spoke sarcastically, which is something I hadn't heard from him before. "I'm totally with you. Write down all your good ideas, and we can bring them up at the next team meeting. I'll second you. Cool?" Heather glared at Harold, and walked past him to retrieve the cart of props. "Go jump in a lake, trout lips."

Trent was running up the hill, and he was speaking to the necklace Gwen gave to him. "C'mon, lucky necklace. Papa Trent needs you!" E-Scope caught up with him, and laughed at him. "Wow, and I thought I was crazy. You're talking to jewellery?" Trent frowned, and scolded her, before running forward. "You are crazy. I'm just trying to help our team win this thing." E-Scope shouted after him, and tried to catch up, but got distracted mocking him. "Hey! That's what I'm trying to do, too! If you've got some lucky earrings, I'd be glad to have a little chat with them, huh?"

I spoke into the megaphone, mocking them ever so slightly. "It's neck and neck, people! And now, it's time for the heavy stuff!" Trent raised a brow as he was the last to get to the bottom of the hill, where every other player was standing. "Heavy stu- what?! How the heck are we gonna get these trailers all the way up the hill?!" "Figure it out!" Lindsay thought for a moment, before speaking up excitedly. "I have an idea!"

/// Lindsay ///

"It's so great to be free from Heather. I can totally contribute more and stuff! I have a lot of unwrapped potential, you know."

/// End ///

"Let's get Tyler to do it!" I groaned, and put a hand to my face. Beth, E-Scope and Trent all scolded Lindsay for the second time, the annoyance very clear in their voices. "He's not here anymore!" Lindsay realized again, and nervously put a hand on his arm. "Oh, right! Bummer."

Out of nowhere, Trent spoke up, and pointed at Owen. "Owen! There's catering at the top of the hill. Just take that trailer up there with you, and you can eat." "Eat? I love eat!" Owen clasped his hands together, and used, like, his belt, or something to tie the trailer to him, or whatever. I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention.

By the time I was paying attention, he was jogging up the hill while E-Scope was riding him like a cowboy. "Yeehaw! Go, Owen! Run around!" Trent smirked, and shouted back down to Gwen and Duncan, very, very smugly. "Hey! New best friends, how do you like that? You gonna cry together, you punk wannabes? 'Cause... your team is going down!"

At this, Duncan and Gwen stopped ignoring Trent. Leshawna, Harold and Heather all gasped, while Duncan spoke first. "Uh, not cool? Not cool at all." "Oh, don't worry. We are taking Trent- I mean, that team down!" She put her hands on her hips, and raised a brow, smirking at DJ. He immediately picked up the hint.

"Oh, no. Don't expect me to... What if the trailer slips, and rolls back down the hill, and chops someone's arm off? What then? I couldn't hand bein' responsible for that!" I faltered for a second, before deciding to just put a stop to that thought before anything else. "Hey. I'd rather you didn't say that."

/// Lewis ///

"I'm proud to say that I've scared Duncan. That's an achievement, in my books."

/// End ///

/// Duncan ///

"I did not get scared. I was just... surprised! What can I say? The dude appears outta nowhere, and acts like it's nothing!"

/// End ///

I'm not just here to talk, so... I guess the commercial break is in order. "Looks like the Screaming Gaffers still have a chance. Will DJ step up to the plate, and save the day?" He shouted at me from off-screen, which wasn't exactly in character for him. "I said no!" I glared at him for a second, before continuing. "Find out after the break to see if DJ rises to the call of duty." He literally jumped in front of the camera. "I'm not gonna do it."

*

I was back up at the top of the mountain, and honestly, I was just relaxing. Dad made his 'debut' off-screen somewhere, which he wouldn't stop talking about. Y'know, just giving himself a bigger ego than he's already got. Normal Chris McLean stuff. "Welcome back to Total Drama Action. We're in the middle of some pretty wild action, right now!"

I watched as Owen continued to move up the mountain, but he seemed to be struggling. Beth was being a cheerleader, which, let's be honest, would never work out in the real world. "Owen, Owen, he's our guy! If he can't do it... uh... h-he's not our guy!" Prime example of why it wouldn't work.

"Hey, Dad, how much time do we have left for these guys to get their stuff up here?" I turned my head to him, while he checked his watch. "Uh... twenty minutes." He noticed the camera, and switched to his 'host' persona. "There's still time for DJ to step up, and be the hero for the Gaffers!"

Harold was cheering for DJ, but nobody was doing the same, so it just sounded kind of awkward. "Do it, DJ! Do it, DJ!" DJ angrily folded his arms, and turned up his nose in defiance. "How many times do I have to say no?!"

Owen, to basically nobody's surprise, made it up first. he hit the ground with a grunt, while the Killer Grips cheered happily for him. "We actually won!" I raised a brow, and approached the team with Dad. He seemed to be keen on explaining things. "Well, not exactly." "...Pardon?" "Well, that was only the first part of the challenge. Also, the penalty, thanks to Lewis. Did we neglect to mention that?"

"Wait, but we won! Why do we get the penalty!?" Trent questioned, which really, was fair, but seeing the condition Owen was in, I think it was fair to give them a penalty. I explained it for them. "Well, you get a penalty, because Owen revealed a little too much of himself on television, and the other team get a penalty because they lost."

*

The other team weren't allowed to take their trailers up, because they were taking way too long. That meant we could finally start. "It's time to make a movie. Grips, what we've got here is the set for a tearjerker; starring an elderly lady considering her long, long life." Trent rolled his eyes, and made a snarky comment. "Boring!"

Harold sighed loudly, and complained. "I can't believe we don't have a trailer." Heather, on the other hand, was busy bossing everyone around and being a snarky little cow. "We are so not going to be able to properly apply makeup without vanity lighting. This could spell disaster. Thanks, DJ!" Well, they weren't really gonna need it, cause... y'know.

"Gaffers? You'll be making a feature about a thug who tries to go straight, but can't resist the lure of the street. Considering your options... I don't think you'll need makeup." I mean, it was obvious they'd choose Duncan. The girls didn't have any experience with crime, Harold would be too dramatic and go off-script, and DJ just didn't have the heart for it.

Heather, obviously, had to complain about legalities and laws that we were breaking. "Hey, what about lunch? We have been working for eight hours, and you are legally obligated by union rules to give us a meal break!" I blinked, processing this information. "Uh, no, you haven't? You've been up for two hours. Even if you had been working that long, who here is in the union?" I asked, looking around. Nobody raised their hands. "Yeah. I thought so."

/// Heather ///

"I am hereby forming Local Why Not United Workers Against Chris and Lewis. LWNUWACAL for short. ...How about we shorten that to UWAL? Who's with me? Everybody?"

/// End ///

"And now, it's time to choose an actor to perform a scene. Chef, give the teams their scenes." Chef gladly took Dad's order, and shoved both envelopes into their according teams. Trent checked his, and looked at his teammates. "Alright. We need an old lady." E-Scope did not hesitate. "Oh, please, let me do it! It's gotta be me! I've got an old soul. I'm, like, 87 years old on the inside, because I've been reincarnated, like, a bunch of times. Actually, I'm the reincarnation of my very own Granny Mavis!"

She suddenly turned on this really, super strong Scottish accent. I would've believed her if I didn't know she was somewhat crazy. "Aye there, laddie! You spilled a wee bit-a haggis on yer kilt! And I can tell ya, all the lots are risin' up to the claw!" The rest of her teammates were growing pretty impatient with her. To be honest, so was I. "Okay, fine!"

Gwen checked her envelope, to see the name of the main character. "Big Lucky Parmesano?" "A tough guy?" Heather raised a brow, and looked towards Duncan. Leshawna and Gwen did the same, to see he was carving a skull into a piece of wood with his pocket knife. Honestly, I couldn't care. It's not my set he's destroying. Duncan turned around to see everyone looking at him. "What?"

Gwen walked towards him, and explained. "You have got to play the gangster!" "Hey, hey! Don't typecast me, I don't even know if I can act." Heather signalled to Harold behind him, who was just standing there, without any emotion. "You want Harold to do it? He's as tough as butter." Chef seemed pretty relaxed leaning up against the Grips' set. "Don't expect DJ to be a tough guy! That's for sure."

Okay, something was clearly going on. There was no way he'd just target DJ for, like, no reason. DJ, however, immediately got upset over it. "How can you say that?" I groaned, and watched as his lip quivered. I'm not having crying on live television. It's only the third episode, and I had much larger expectations. "He obviously doesn't mean it, dude. He's just trying to wind you up." I put a hand on DJ's shoulder, which sorta made him feel better, but I was more suspicious of Chef, than anything.

*

Gwen was busy trying to convince Duncan to act, while Dad was speaking through the megaphone. "Alright, set up the shot! Whoever can get Chef, Mr. Ex-Army Corporal, to show any emotion, wins the challenge." I turned my head to see him rather unenthusiastic. I didn't expect much either, to be fair. I mean, he did lose 100 soldiers in 20 minutes once. Not a thing was felt.

*

Lindsay was doing E-Scope's makeup, while she was looking over the script. "Your makeup? Gorgeous! And now, I'm gonna make you really feel like an old lady!" Lindsay forced her down again, which caused her back to crack. E-Scope wasn't too enthusiastic. "I feel like 80 years have passed already since they've started to adjust the lighting!"

Beth whispered, as if the lighting was gonna be disturbed. "Don't move." "Oh, don't worry, I can't. My legs are totally asleep!" Owen raised his voice, so that E-Scope could hear him. "Could I get that last line again?" E-Scope forcefully took the microphone from Justin, and spoke loudly into it, causing Owen to scream from how loud it was. "MY LEGS ARE ASLEEP!"

*

"Oh- Guys, this set is a mess of wires and cables! You really need to sort this out. Use black tape, or something, but do something about it." I advised, looking around at the backstage of the Gaffers' set. Heather scoffed, and folded her arms. "I don't recall asking for your opinion." "And I don't recall asking for yours. Sort this out, or don't, but you'll pay for it."

Duncan, though, didn't seem to even want to look at the script. To be fair, I don't like looking at scripts either. "1. I can't memorize this much, and 2. These lines are way outta left field." I couldn't just, like... not give him advice. "Well, whenever I think my dad's scripts are dumb, I just make-" Heather cut me off. "Just say what's written, and quit being such a prima donna! Oh, and Lewis, stop helping him. He doesn't need you to hold his hand the entire time."

"And I'm not! I'm just giving him advice!"
"And he's not! He's just giving me advice!"

/// Duncan ///

"If Heather thinks I need someone's hand to hold on set, she's got it all wrong! Especially if that someone is a kid, like, three years younger than me."

/// End ///

/// Lewis ///

"Seriously, it's not Duncan that's the problem on set. It's Heather. I've come across a few people like that, and oh, I can name them!" I paused for a second, before turning my head to the crew off-screen. "Can I name them? Or... is that not legal? ...Oh, okay. I guess I can't name them."

/// End ///

To my surprise, Leshawna agreed with her. "We all have a job to do." "So, you just stand there, and look pretty. Okay? Pretty boy?" Heather mocked him and poked him, but Duncan wasn't having that. He swiped her hand away, and scowled. "Don't-! ...Call me pretty. The last guy who called me pretty ended up looking a lot less pretty. Get it?"

Dad was having the time of his life watching this go down. "Friction between the crew, and talent. I love it! It's like a real film set!" I mean, technically that's contradicting, since we are filming a TV show on a real set, but... I'm gonna ignore it. 

"Should we do something? I mean, Duncan has got a weapon..." I made a quick gesture to the pocket knife. Although, Dad was not concerned at all. "Nah. He won't do anything when you're around."

Well, that's... comforting.

Gwen approached Duncan, and reassured him with a smile. "You are not pretty. Okay, Duncan? You're hot. Okay? You look hot! Sexy! Stud-like." "That's better." I raised a brow, and spoke under my breath. "Oof... that's gotta hurt." Dad, on the other hand, was now grumbling to himself, walking away. "I can't believe they settled that so fast! Sometimes, this business really stinks." 

*

"Uh... Liam, you're good at TV stuff, right?" Lindsay questioned, as I perked up, and turned my head to her. "Um, I guess? What's up?" She pointed to a box full of gaffer tape. "There's seven colours on this tape roll thingy, but I don't know which one to use. And... what kind of a shape would a mark be? Like, an M, for mark, or-"

I quickly cut her off, laughing to myself. "No, no, haha! The tape's used for other stuff. Black's for securing equipment, white's for reflecting any light in a shot, red's to mark where an actor should be, and the blue and green is... well, not important for what you're doing. So, use the red." I pointed to the red tape, as she picked it up, smiling dumbly, as she normally does. "Oh, thanks, Liam!" 

Our conversation was cut short when E-Scope complained again. "Ugh... my legs are starting to tingle. I don't think I can hold much..." She then collapsed, much to my concern. I rushed over, and helped her up, as she finished off her sentence. "...longer..." Beth, though, was busy making a big deal out of nothing. "Aw, we had the lighting just right!" "Get back to first positions!" I frowned, and sat E-Scope down on the couch. "Guys. It's been, like, forever. Can't you just get the ball rolling, and let E-Scope have a break after this?"

*

E-Scope, luckily, was a 'fast recovery' case, so I didn't stick around for long. I was rotating in between both sets, to make sure nothing was going too wrong. When I heard Heather screaming, I have to say, I was reluctant to check it out. Although... if she was getting angry... that could be some form of entertainment. So, in the end, I did check it out.

"Help! I am gonna need a little help here, people!" I peered my head around the corner, before walking out fully. It was hard to decide whether it was a disappointment, or hilarious. She was tied up by her leg, 'cause it got caught in some wires. "Hey, Heather, 'member when I told you to use some black tape? This is why." "Ugh! Just, shut up, and help me down!"

I rolled my eyes as Harold came onto the scene. "I'll help you down, m'lady!" He pushed the stage light back up, and Heather fell to the ground. She panted for a few seconds, clearly disturbed, before standing back up. "Heather~? Don't you have something to say to Harold?" I teased, to which she responded by scowling. After a few seconds, she sighed, and spoke through gritted teeth. "Thank you." "Anything for m'lady!"

/// Harold ///

"I've been working on my courting skills." He proudly put his hands on his hips. "Yup! I've mastered girl whispering."

/// End ///

/// Heather ///

"As annoying as hanging around Harold would be, he'll made an easy-to-persuade alliance member. And, right now, 'milady' needs all the help she can get, especially with that stupid kid on my case. For the record, he wasn't flirting! He was just teasing me. Jerk."

/// End ///

Dad was reminding everyone of the stage they should be up to at this point, while I was busy semi-judging the makeup job DJ was doing. But he seemed quite... unusual. "This light is just appalling! How am I supposed to work without a proper trailer, and lighting?!" I gasped at this, covering both Manitoba and Mabel's ears, since I had been handed his while he was working. 

"DJ!" He realized his mistake, and softened his tone. "I- I mean... could you tilt that pretty chin up, just a smidge?" He was referring to Duncan, but I was still surprised at his previous tone. "That's enough!" Chef yelled, and he forcefully pulled him away from both me and Duncan. I tried not to eavesdrop, but the curiosity got the better of me. I shifted just an inch closer, so I could hear what they were talking about.

"What? My mama always told me I had a flair for applying her church makeup, so I figured-" DJ tried to explain, but Chef was having none of it. "We've gotta toughen you up, you big ol' marshmallow!"

/// Chef Hatchet ///

"I've gotta admit. I see a bit of myself in DJ. But, I had to develop the macho in myself without somebody like me helping. This is gonna be fun."

/// End ///

"Here's the deal." I narrowed my eyes, and listened closer, the suspicion growing still. "I'll help you man up, and win this thing. You don't ask any stupid questions, and you split the prize with me. Like they say, it's an offer you can't refuse. I won't let you." Almost instantly, I gasped, and shuffled away.

/// Lewis ///

"So, that's what he's been up to?! An- an illegal alliance?! Oh, Dad won't be happy... but, then again... is it ever a good idea to tell on Chef?"

/// End ///

I sighed in a slight amount of concern. Although, that was replaced with astonishment as I approached the Grips' set. E-Scope's costume was... convincing, to say the least. "E-Scope, uh... you don't... you don't look like you. Good job, Lindsay!" "Thanks! I worked, like, super hard on it." E-Scope was busy acting like her Granny Mavis. She put on a Scottish accent, and got in both of our faces.

"Aye, lassies! That's on account of me bein' a master thespian!" I looked away in slight discomfort at being called a 'lassie', but brushed it off quickly. "Just make sure you lose the Scottish burb. Okay, Granny McE-Scope?" Trent told E-Scope, as she nodded enthusiastically. I got off their set, as Dad announced that it was time for them to start filming, ready or not.

I sat back one of the chairs, and watched both sets. First came the Gaffers. "When I was a young schoolgirl in Poline, frolicking through my fields with my pet goat in the summer sun, those were my happiest days." I kept my composed expression, while my two dads freaked out. "Did you check the envelopes before you labelled them?" "I thought... you checked 'em?" It seemed to click in their heads that either none of them did, or I did, for they both erupted in childish snickers.

I continued to watch, as my focus turned to the Grips. "Now, you listen, and you listen good. If your fighter doesn't go down in the first round, you'll be sleepin' with the fishes! And, uh... that's tough to do, because... you know, they have no eyelids, and it's hard to sleep! Hey, I can flip my eyelids! Anyone wanna see me flip them!?" I blinked, slightly concerned, while Trent mumbled a few words to himself. I could see that Duncan's act was coming to a close, so I switched my gaze back to him.

"I've lived a good, long life! I've loved, I've laughed, but what I miss most of all... is my sweet little goat! Shopa! Oh, baa... baa..." Duncan shed literal tears. For some reason, that didn't move me at all. For an even more confusing reason, Chef was incredibly moved by this. He literally started crying with Duncan, Heather, and Leshawna. Hell, even my dad started crying.

"C-C-Cut! Okay, enough! It's too much for Chef to take! Duncan clearly wins for best performance! Screaming Gaffers win it!" E-Scope wasn't too happy about it. She slammed her headpiece down onto the ground, and still spoke in her Scottish accent, despite losing her temper. "Ay, ay, oh! I was robbed! Yeah, I'll see you in the morgue, capiché!?" 

DJ only went over to Chef to mock him. "And... you're gonna teach me to be a tough guy?" I had to give him points for snickering. Like, in his face. Chef wasn't taking it well, though. He pulled DJ up to his face by his shirt, and even intimidated him by lifting him in the air. "Tough guys cry! And, did you notice how your team just won?! Who was the judge, DJ?! Huh?! Who!?"

*

Okay... another elimination ceremony, another stupid suit, another public embarrassment.

"Okay. You can totally do this." I muttered to myself, taking a deep breath in my dressing room. I mean, sure, my family accepted the fact I wanted to be a boy, but still, I deserved some kind of privacy. With a sigh, I put on the suit, and walked out to the stage to join Dad.

"And now, it's your turn to cast your votes, and determine who will stroll down the Walk of Shame." Beth, Owen and E-Scope all gasped as they looked at the Lame-o-sine. Not that intimidating, if I'm being honest. It had bull horns and everything on it. Like, it was the complete opposite of lame. "Under your seats, you'll find voting devices. Just press the button of the person you want voted off. It's easy. So, cast your votes. Who will it be? Who will be cast off the set?"

The classic drumroll, silence, and then the loud printing of the paper. 

I 'm gonna have to get used to that. 

Chef handed Dad the paper, at his personal request. "And it looks like all the votes have been cast. Remember. If you get a Gilded Chris, you get to stay, because, rather suitably, the Gilded Chris represents the lustre of fame, and immortal greatness. And... the Gilded Chrises go to... Trent. Owen. And... Beth."

Owen ate the statue, foil and all. "Mm... Foil covered chocolate!" My face scrunched up in disgust, slightly annoyed at how he could just eat, basically, metal, without feeling sick, in any way, shape, or form.

"And now, only three nominees left. And, the loser is..."

Cue for dramatic music...

"Izzy! Time to go!" E-Scope folded her arms, pouted, and turned up her nose. "I'm not going anywhere. That's not my name." Dad frowned, and raised a brow at me. I shrugged, and whispered. "She likes to be called Kaleidoscope. E-Scope, for short." He scowled with impatience, before yelling to Chef. "Can I get a pen over here?!"

He scribbled down on the paper, before exclaiming, still angry. "It says 'E-Scope' now, okay?!" E-Scope stood up, still pouting, before walking forward, towards the red carpet. "And remember. You can never come back, ever!" He pressed an orange button on his podium twice, which is something I hadn't recognized before. "Take her to the Lame-o-sine." Two interns approached, and began to drag her towards the Lame-o-sine.

They threw her in the car, as she grunted. Not a second later, she stuck her head out of a window on the roof of the car. "This was just a dress rehearsal, my darlings! Ha-ha. Mwah! Mwah!" The car began to drive off, but, oh no, she wasn't finished. "You'll see my star on the Walk of Fame. Mark my words. MARK THEM!"

*

After that whole ceremony was done with, I was sitting in the camera room, re-reviewing the footage from today with Dad. I rolled my eyes, and glanced up to Dad. "You know she'll be back, right?" "I know. I'll deal with it when it happens." Seeing as that wasn't my responsibility, I set off. "Well, I'm gonna go to that crappy motel tonight. I'll be back tomorrow, though." 

"Hold on. Are you sure? It's not the safest place in the city..." He spoke, a slight hint of concern in his voice. "Psh! I'll be fiiine! Don't worry. I've got my phone, and if anything happens, I'm literally ten minutes away!" He pouted, and looked away. "I don't want to hear that you've been taken by some pervert. Got it?" I laughed gently. "Sure. I'll make sure it's just a creep. But seriously, I'll be careful. I promise."

Chapter Text

All I did last night was just hang out with the peanut gallery. I told them nothing about the show, despite them watching it anyway. Well, what I mean is that I didn't tell them what was going on behind the scenes. So, Courtney had no idea me, Duncan, and Owen were talking crap about her behind her back. She totally deserved it, after what she'd done to me and the other four boys.

I sighed as I walked into Craft Services. Everyone wasn't too surprised to see me, and, to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't notice at all. I mean, Lindsay and Beth were too busy finding another guy to swoon over.

"Justin, look! I brought you bacon." "And, I brought you facon! Tofu's good for your heart." "Pig's good for his hair!" "Holy crap, I love his hair!" She literally attached herself to his head. I am so god damn glad I shut down Beth before she started getting like that with me. "Ladies, please. I accept both your offerings. Join me for breakfast?" They both laughed, and sat down at the table, not even touching their plates.

/// Beth ///

"If only making friends with a guy as gorgeous as Justin was as easy as making these bracelets!"

/// End ///

I ignored them, and sat down beside Duncan, Heather and Gwen. "Hey guys." "Dude, I didn't see you in the trailer last night. Where'd you go?" I shrugged, and rested my head in my palm. "Went to see the peanut gallery. They're in a crappy motel, so I stayed over." Gwen laughed, and shook her head. "Wow. That must suck." "Eh. Not really. Only took me five minutes to get to sleep, give or take."

All of a sudden, Duncan burst out laughing, and pointed at Trent. I looked over, and saw that the cap of the salt shaker had come off, and poured all over his food. "Haha! Ah, sorry about the morning as-salt!" Gwen slapped the back of his head, and frowned. "Third grade called. You're due back in class." Trent scowled at Duncan. "Reeaal mature. Don't you know it's bad luck to spill salt?"

He threw a handful over his shoulder, and...

...unfortunately...?

...it landed directly in Heather's face. She screamed and stood up, which made Trent almost immediately regret his actions. "Nothing a little pepper won't fix." Heather then got a handful of pepper in her face, which sent her into a sneezing frenzy. She covered her eyes, and ran off screaming, much to my annoyance.

"A little pepper? You consider a handful to be a 'little'?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes. "Lay off, it was an accident!" He argued back. Duncan, however, could not get enough of this conflict. Or, rather, Trent's bad luck. He came over, laughing to himself. "Uh, you gonna finish those eggs, bro?" He ate an egg from Trent's plate, to which he reacted by standing up, raising his voice, and overall, just being dramatic about it.

"Are you nuts?! Now I only have eight pieces left!" I raised a brow, and folded my arms. "Dude. Duncan isn't nuts. You are." "Yeah, you're officially capital 'W' weird." Gwen approached us three, and played it off, like as if what Trent was doing wasn't off-putting or strange at all.

P.S, it totally was?

"Which is good, because I happen to really like weird." She ate another one of Trent's eggs, and smiled at him. "There. Now you've got seven pieces, which is an odd number again. Isn't that kinda better?" Trent nodded, and responded in, possibly, one of the worst ways imaginable. "Abso-Gwen-ley." I scoffed and rolled my eyes, while Duncan solemnly shook his head, but more out of disappointment that Gwen wasn't seeing what we were.

Out of nowhere, a whistle screeched, and Dad walked in. "Hang onto your coconuts, players! We're going back to the beach!" Owen cheered, because I think he thought we were going to the actual beach. Seems like he's forgotten where he is. Of course, to keep the mood that he'd established up, Dad explained today's challenge. "Ever seen one of those 1950's surfer movies where the kids get up to neato fun before the big bonfire twist-a-thon? And, the bully kicks the sandcastle in the nerdy guy's face?"

DJ shrugged, Leshawna raised a brow, Harold nodded, Heather was too busy sneezing to answer, and Duncan wanted to make a mockery out of my dad. He frowned, and responded to his rhetorical question. "Uh, no grandpa, we haven't." I elbowed him with a small frown, before returning to my casual demeanour. "Well, get ready to recreate one, junior. Two challenges, followed by a tiebreaker, if necessary. So, grab your swimsuits!" He walked out first, and once the contestants caught a glance of me following him, they all followed after me.

*

The filming set was full to the brim of air con, massive fans, and other stuff to make it cold. While the contestants were all in their bathing suits and swimming shorts, me, Dad and Chef were all wearing something moderately warm.

I mean, sure, I have morality, but they aren't my responsibility. I'll take what I can get on this show.

Lindsay's voice trembled as she tried to squeeze her bottle of tan onto her hand. It was either empty, or frozen solid, because nothing was coming out. "W-When did you guys m-move the beach to Antarctica?" "As... some of you can see... we're actually in the shooting studio." To my surprise, Duncan still hadn't taken off his choker. I'm starting to believe he wears that thing in the shower. "And, the AC's cranked because?"

Aaand... cue the egotistical explanation.

"All the cameras and lights get so hot, they could melt Chef's heart. And the network told my agents, 'sweaty isn't a good look for me'. Your challenge? Hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup." There was a short pause. It was clear nobody understood what he had just told them to do, and, to be honest, I didn't really, either.

"What did you just ask me to do?" Leshawna asked, a slight hint of offence is her voice. To calm things down, Trent answered her, despite being on different teams. "He means whoever stays on the surfboard longest wins." "Exactamundo, groovy cats! So, who's going first?" Another pause of silence, except this time, it was much longer, and there were literally crickets filling the air. Lindsay was still trying to empty the tan bottle, while everyone else was shivering.

I shrugged at Dad, who spoke up after a while. "The team that wins will get a half-hour head start on the next challenge, and, given tonight's reward, you should be fighting harder than Justin's abs over who gets first shot!" Harold responded, although he was speaking to Leshawna, more than anyone. "Speaking of rock-hard abs, have you ever seen my ten-pack?" He flexed, but no ten-pack could be seen. I suppose the good news was that Lindsay got her tan out, however it froze in mid-air, and forced Harold forward.

...Making him the first one up.

"We have a volunteer!"

*

Harold stepped onto the board, seemingly as confident as ever in his 'mad skills'. "Mad surfing skills, activate!" I wasn't too confident, though, considering what exactly he was going up against. "And please welcome the return of some season one fan favourites! The sharks!" One of them jumped out of the water, and tried to snap at Harold, much to my now-present concern.

/// Harold ///

"I'm very protective of my buttocks. They provide me with the low centre of gravity that is my many mad skills. You could say they're my hugest asset. Check it! I can juggle my Magic Steve's Magical Trading Cards!" He proceeds to do so, flipping the entire deck from his left back pocket to his right back pocket.

/// End ///

Harold had, somehow, in the few seconds I'd looked away, managed to climb up to one of the lighting racks on the ceiling to avoid the sharks. Still, they were getting very, very close to him. "My booty and I are out!" I raised a brow, and questioned him. "Your 'booty' has an opinion?" Heather seemed to agree with me, which was a surprisingly uncommon event. "That's a big job for such a saggy, sad little thing." Harold was quick to argue back against us. "I'll have you know that this is a selfless act! My lady fans couldn't handle the loss of this perfect behind!" Heather leaned over, and whispered in my ear. "And by lady fans, he means his mother."

Harold suddenly pointed out to the sharks that Owen was eating some bacon and facon, to which he responded with: "Breakfast should last all day, no?" Both sharks then rose out of the water, clapping their fins together like seals. They were practically begging for the food.

And, to think that this was the same animal I nearly died to...

Harold's legs slipped from the bar, and he couldn't hold on with just his hands. He let go, and fell quite a way to the diving board, where Dad was standing. "Way to stick the dismount, bro." Me, Heather, Gwen and Duncan all laughed at him. Gwen and Duncan fist-bumped, while me and Heather were just making a mockery of Harold. She had unknowingly put a hand on my back, but quickly pulled it away once she realized.

Although the other people didn't realize, Trent was quite upset seeing Gwen and Duncan bonding. Beth, who wanted to make him feel better, handed him a purple bracelet made of plastic beads. "Friendship bracelet?" He quickly took it, and tapped it against his head nine times, counting for every single tap. Watching this, Beth backed away, in confusion, and a small amount of fear.

So, me being how I usually am when I'm curious, I decided to eavesdrop. "Did you ever notice Trent's a little... weird?" Lindsay immediately grew a smile on her face, to match those unknowing blue eyes of hers. "Did you say Tyler's here?!" She gasped, and her smile turned to a large grin. "That's amazing!" Beth frowned at this, and explained it, once again. "Okay, Linds. Tyler is not in the game anymore." Lindsay shrugged in acceptance, and rubbed her head. "Oh, right. I must have a dental block about the whole thing."

*

Soon enough, it was Lindsay's turn. She jumped onto the surfboard, and the greenscreen switched to a sunset on Camp Wawanakwa. She managed to balance for a good time. That was, until Dad decided to mess up the controls for fun, which switched the background to a tornado, and made the surfboard go all crazy. It didn't help that Chef was sabotaging the fans as well. Lindsay tried to keep her bandana from flying off, which caused her to lose her footing, and collide with the background.

All I'm gonna say for DJ's loss is that what he lost was not just the challenge, but also, his swimsuit.

When Owen stepped onto the surfboard, it only took a second for it to snap in half. He kept his feet on both sides for a few seconds before he slipped, and fell into the water, draining the entire tub. I thought it was physically impossible for that to happen, but hey, that's Owen for you. Both the sharks landed in small puddles on the ground, while Owen stepped out of the tub through a door. "Oh, man- Oh, crud... Sorry, shark dudes. Really, I'm so sorry..."

Dad blew his whistle, and announced that it was time for break. "Break time! Union rules!" Heather angrily put her hands on her hips, and scowled. "Finally!" I took this opportunity to make her life more miserable, because I found it funny to tease her. "We don't mean you, shark bait. We mean the sharks." "What!? That is seriously pathetic! They're animals!" "And in a union." I added on, walking away.

*

It'd been a couple minutes, and the sharks had a longer break than the staff members, so we had to get back on track. Chef was busy catering to their needs, so it was up to me and Dad to get this over with. Gwen seemed a little too confident for my liking. "No sharks, equals no problem!" I gave a quick nod to Dad, who cocked the seagull gun. He laughed to himself, grinning at the camera crew. "I love this game!"

He began to rapid-fire at Gwen, who was trying to protect herself, but got hit in the face with a seagull. "AH! AH! Sky rat! Get it out! Get it out!" She screamed, and flailed her arms around as if it was gonna kill her, or something. This proved to be a stupid thing to do, for she tipped backwards, and fell into the water.

We let the sharks back into the water, and it was Justin's turn. I couldn't tell whether he was nervous or confident, but Beth and Lindsay didn't seem to care, since they were screaming at the top of their lungs. "Yay! Go, Justin!" "Yeah, go!" That set them off. "Copycat." "Tanorexic!" They both gasped, and Beth thought the solution to this problem was to give Lindsay a friendship bracelet.

Huh. I wonder if there's a friendship bracelet that fits the quota of 'the cause of my near-death'...

I switched a fan on, but it didn't seem to affect Justin at all. In fact, he swooped his hair out of his face, and got the sharks to crush on him. Both sharks. He even got my dad to swoon over him. "So perfect... Almost makes me believe in the inherent goodness of the human race."

Wait, I forgot to tell you. He's literally married to my other dad. That'll be the end of that, thank you very much.

"Almost." I aimed the machine gun directly at him, with a grimace. Of course, Beth wasn't happy about that. "JUSTIN!" That only fuelled my desire to shoot him more.

/// Beth ///

"I wanted to tell him he looked like a surfing god! Instead, I said..."

/// End ///

"Your face! Watch your beautiful face!" I fired the gun rapidly at him, which caught him by surprise. "Wha-?" He dodged several of them well, but that was until one hit him directly in the face, and caused him to fall back into the water, quite painfully.

/// Lewis ///

"Okay. I speak for a few people when I say he had that coming. Those people, you know who you are."

/// End ///

One of the sharks jumped out of the water to do CPR on him, much to my surprise. It was mouth-to-mouth, which I was not going to treat if he got any diseases or anything like that. Not that I'm not qualified to help with that, it's just because I don't want to.

Eventually, Justin sat up, taking deep breaths, while the shark hugged him. Lindsay and Beth both ran up to him, but Beth seemed to be the voice of the two. "Oh my gosh, Justin! Are you oka-" The shark pushed both Beth and Lindsay onto the ground, silencing them. I frowned at the whole thing, mainly because I really wanted Justin to get what he deserved. And, even after everything, Dad was still swooning over him. "Love's a beautiful thing..."

*

Duncan was the last one to ride the surfboard. "Finally, we have Duncan!" Dad announced, while I teased him. "Try not to get your piercings wet, delinquent." He rolled his eyes at me, while my dad fired the gun at him, despite the sharks being in the water. I think he was just trying to make it harder and more dangerous for everyone without telling me. He was dodging every single one. In fact, when one looked like it was about to hit him, he clocked it right in the stomach.

Seeing as Dad had no more seagulls to fire, and Duncan was still on the board, he looked around to see what else he could use as ammo. Being the immature adult he was, my dad started throwing everything he could get his hands on at Duncan. Cast and crew chairs, stage lights, and yet, it all missed him. Yet again, my dad ran out of objects to throw at Duncan.

Unfortunately, Lindsay approached him at the wrong time. "Ohh... my head!" As soon as he laid eyes on her, he grinned. "Dad, no, wait-" I tried to stop him, but Lindsay was, quite worryingly, thrown Duncan's way. "You gotta be kidding me!" He quickly ducked, and dodged her, as she collided with the background again.

"And, with that, Duncan secures victory for the Screaming Gaffers." Duncan smirked, and hopped off the board. "Gnarly." His team cheered for him, and he and Gwen performed a handshake to celebrate his victory, even finishing off with a hug. I didn't want to be anywhere near the Grips, but I wanted the Gaffers to have their moment, too. Then, I realized I had Lindsay to tend to.

So, I did tend to her. She didn't exactly use it right, so I showed her how to keep it in place, and she understood immediately. I was only sticking around to make sure she didn't pass out, or anything. I would've left instantly otherwise.

"Man, Gwen's team is unstoppable!" Owen complimented the Gaffers, but Trent didn't agree as much. "Try unstable! A ticking time bomb of betrayal. We have to stop them." Owen didn't seem to get what he meant by 'stop'. Or, he did, he just wanted to be that guy. "With what? A freight train? Toot, toot!"

I sighed, and changed my tone to a serious one. "Trent, you're overdramatising this. It's just a good friendship." "Yeah, until it isn't! Before I know it, they'll be making out, and Gwen won't even remember who I am! Just you-" "Trent! That is enough! You're acting like a child! You're seriously claiming Gwen, your girlfriend, can't have close friends? Think about it, get a grip, and come back to me once you realize why she's bonding with Duncan instead of you."

I walked off, rolling my eyes.

/// Lewis ///

"I'm sticking by my word. Trent's completely overreacting, and the 'nine' thing isn't helping the case, either! He can't just control how Gwen acts around other people. It's completely understandable she wants to bond with Duncan, because they're on the same team, dude! Also, he's not a total freak!"

/// End ///

"Welcome back to Total Drama Action, where against all advice to the contrary, our players have changed out of their bathing suits. Hope you like swimming in your jeans." Dad spoke, folding his arms in disappointment. Heather tilted her head, and spoke sarcastically. "Riiight, because we're totally going to the beach for real, this time. The bus is just late!"

I raised a brow as the bus honked its horn, and approached the two teams. "That's correct." I said, and Dad added onto this. "Mhm. You were saying, Heather?"

/// Owen ///

"Chris actually told us the truth for once? Haha! What's next? Being treated with actual respect?"

/// End ///

Beth was busy giving everyone she liked friendship bracelets. I was just trying to get a headcount to make sure nobody was sneaking off to skip the challenge, or something. "A blue bracelet for Lindsay, to match her still-frozen lips... A green one for Owen, because he's a giant human composter..." Owen ate the plastic bracelet, and got onto the bus, little to my surprise.

Obviously, Justin wanted to be a part of this action. "What you got there, Beth?" Almost instantly, she tensed up, and made up an excuse not to give him a bracelet. "Heh! A- A whole lotta car sickness. I'll blow chunks if I don't get the front seat. Barf, barf, barf." She raced onto the bus, while both me and Justin raised a brow.

*

"This was... not where we agreed to go...?" I questioningly turned my head towards my dad. Of course, he brushed me off entirely, and spoke to the campers instead. "Yes, campers. We're actually back at your old stomping grounds. Total... Drama... Island! If you need to take a moment to reminisce about the great times you had here...?"

It seemed that everybody found that hilarious. Well, everybody except me, DJ, and Owen. It really wasn't that funny. After a few seconds, they all stopped, and acted as if nothing had even happened. "Fine! We'll skip the 'good memories' montage. Screaming Gaffers, you've got a thirty minute head start on... the sandcastle building contest! To be judged by our resident, King O' the Dunes. Make like prop masters, guys, and give me something awesome. I really don't want the tiebreaker to have to go down. I don't think legal's quite approved of it yet."

Wait, what?

"Uh... you greenlit... that... without checking with me first!?" I spoke, a small touch of concern under my disbelief. I was referencing the boulder that had just crushed a mannequin. "Correct-a-mundo!" "...Great."

*

So, since we got that tiebreaker out of the way, it was time for something Noah liked to call, 'Humiliate The Teens'. In other words, force them to build a sandcastle, which wasn't really humiliating, but looking at what both teams were actually doing, I suppose you could call it that.

"DJ, wetter sand in that bucket! Leshawna, pack it firmer!" Harold was bossing everybody around, but Leshawna wasn't having it. "Who died and made you Bossy McPushy?" "I'm a bit of a Gehry buff. Frank Gehry? Greatest architect of our time?" Leshawna didn't know who he was talking about, and to be fair, she didn't care, either. "And, I care about this, because...?"

Harold proudly displayed his 'work of art' which was, like, a temple, or something? I don't know, and I don't care, which wasn't how Leshawna felt after seeing Harold's sandcastle. "Now, how 'bout some props for my fine buttresses?" DJ approached me and Leshawna, looking around. "Did Duncan and Gwen go to get more buckets?" I shook my head at him, and shrugged. "Nah. They're vandalizing the bus, so they don't have to go back to those crappy trailers." "I guess they are pretty crappy." Harold agreed, while I was just on my phone, going through my socials.

If this is what having recognition is like, then I don't want any. I get so many creepy DM's every day. I just hope Sierra's not going too rough on Cody.

"Screaming Gaffers! Your thirty-minute lead is over. So, Trent, dude. Get castling." Almost immediately, Owen freaked out, and ran off, holding like, three buckets. "Water! We need water!" Lindsay got the point, but wasn't going in the right direction. "I'll hit the mountain stream!" Surprisingly, Beth was the only one with some common sense. "Or, we could use the LAKE." Owen ran past them, screaming.

"QUIET!" Trent yelled, which caused Owen to stop running, and Justin to stop collecting sand in the bed. Seeing as everyone was now paying attention to him, he continued to speak. "We need a plan. And I've got one!"

/// Justin ///

"Little Trent mans up. Wow! Even I had goosebumps, and there wasn't a mirror for miles." He picked up a hand mirror off the table, and admired himself in it.

/// End ///

"That's right, yeah, that's right..." He counted everything as Beth poured more sand onto the collapsing mess they thought qualified as a castle. "Nine turrets, nine doors... Justin, add one more moat, so we have..." "Nine?" He finished off. Trent nodded at him sheepishly, before Justin walked off, rolling his eyes.

Lindsay put a hand to her chin, as she watched a hermit crab crawl by. She suddenly got an idea, picked it up, and painted the Grips' team symbol on the shell with nail polish. The crab managed to escape, but the shell was propped up on a stick. "Now we have a flag!" "Great! We just need... eight more!"

I raised an eyebrow, before looking back towards Harold's sandcastle. It had clearly been finished, and I recognized what he was trying to make. Still, to boost his ego, I pretended I didn't, just for the sake of it. "Whoa, what's going on over here?" I questioned, looking at the product. "The Taj Ma-Harold! It's perfect, right?" "It's certainly... impressive." I spoke whilst nodding.

/// Lewis ///

"Taj Ma-Harold. Hardy-har-har. I have to say, I'm impressed."

/// End ///

"Dude. Stop at three, stop at five, just STOP!" The commotion from the Grips caught my attention. I turned my gaze to see that Trent had placed eight large hermit crab shells, counting Lindsay's, on his sandcastle. He was edging the ninth closer and closer, despite his team urging him not to do so. "It can't support so much weight!" He was laughing crazily. "Just one more..." The sandcastle collapsed. "...flag."

"Aww, it's over." Of course, Beth had yet, another idea. "What if I tie these bracelets around the towers to keep them up?" "It's a sandcastle building contest, Beth." "Haha! No, it's a prop sandcastle building contest. Right, Lewis?"

It took me a while to come to a decision. I really want the worst for Beth. But, the thing is, she didn't know what happened to me. She didn't mean it. But, she did know that I was already dating someone. It's not her fault she liked me. Oof, this is a hard choice...

"...Uh... yes...? Yes- yeah, it's... it's anything goes." I didn't want to keep them waiting. This island was already making me feel anxious, not to mention being around these people for another six weeks. "Ooh! I have some anything!" Lindsay perked up, holding up a bag she just got out of nowhere.

"We can make it even better! Everybody, tear up these magazines!" Beth ordered, as Lindsay passed everybody bits of a magazine. They did, and chucked the pieces into a bucket. Beth sprayed a lot of hairspray into the bucket, once again, she got from nowhere, and mixed the magazines and remnants of hairspray to make paper mâché. "Crafty." Justin complimented, as Trent frowned, and reminded everybody of his golden rule. "Remember! Nine of everything!"

*

"Well... you certainly fixed it." I commented, pointing out how the entire sandcastle was made from paper mâché, instead of actual sand. There were bracelets slung around it. "Yup. I dub thee... Casa Gwen. Nine moats, nine flags..." He paused to laugh, before continuing. "Nine wicked jam rooms!" "Yep... nine of everything..." I didn't tell him there were only eight sticks, and seven bracelets. He'd totally have a freak-out session if I did.

Well, actually, he was too busy making sure he waved at Gwen exactly nine times. She waved back nervously, before punching Duncan in the arm for no reason. Or, I think for no reason. Out of nowhere, the Gaffers started yelling. "Shoo! Shoo!" "Fly, fly!" "No! There's birds in my belfry!" I turned my head and discovered that the seagulls that were around Harold's castle had demolished it.

"Dang. They busted my buttresses..." "We have a winner! Beth, and the Killer Grips' clever prop, Casa dos Paper Mâché!" Lindsay and Owen cheered, before Beth butted in. "And friendship bracelets!" "Which means... we need a new tiebreaker. And, I was really hoping for the evening off. Instead, gather thee some wood, campers, for a fire of the 'bon' variety."

*

I spent my hour break telling the peanut gallery about Trent's weird 'nine' obsession. He was even worse when he was doing it off-camera. It was like he was going insane over doing things nine times. Of course, my dad spent his hour getting a manicure.

*

We all collected back at the beach, and the torches lighted themselves. Heather wasn't so happy about it. "Why did you bother sending us out to get firewood?!" "We needed some alone time! You think these hands manicure themselves? Which brings us to... the tie-breaking challenge! A watusi twist, mashed potato, dorky, old-school dance contest! Teams, choose your best boogier for battle!"

The two teams went off into their separate groups to decide, and I already knew that this wasn't going to go well, like, at all. The only good choice for the Grips was Owen, and even then, he was a human composter, so that wouldn't end well, and the only good choice for the Gaffers... well, there really wasn't one.

So, after a few minutes, they decided. And, after seeing who they chose, I could decide confidently that this tiebreaker was going to be either incredibly hard to watch, or incredibly funny to watch. The Grips chose Trent, and the Gaffers chose Leshawna. The radio started playing old-school beach music, and they walked up to each other.

"Prepare for a world of pain, son." "Bring it." They both backed off, and started dancing. I have to say, neither were good, neither were bad... I guess I could say that Trent's dancing was somewhat more... 'normal' than Leshawna's. I looked over and saw the Gaffers' horrified expressions, with the exception of Harold, who was actually just enjoying himself.

/// DJ ///

"Yeah. I bet I know Leshawna's real nickname back home. La-BOMBA!" He slammed his hands down on the table.

/// End ///

/// Heather ///

"Prima balleri-NO!"

//// End ///

/// Harold ///

"Two words. Fun-ky! What? I loved it!"

/// End ///

Trent got his head back in the game, and started dancing again, and was...

...seemingly...?

...beating Leshawna's moves. His team was quite happy about it, and cheered him on. Well, it was mostly Beth and Lindsay. "Go, Trent!" "Shake your lady lumps!" Lindsay tried to demonstrate, but Trent paid no attention. He turned his head to Gwen, who looked away solemnly. Trent turned his focus to Owen, who shrugged at him.

/// Trent ///

"The thing is, if Gwen wants to win, why is it unethical for me to help her? I'm Trent first, and a Killer Grip second. Oh, uh- Can we erase that? Confession might be good for the soul, but it's definitely not so good for the teamwork..."

/// End ///

Leshawna continued dancing, while Trent shuffled backwards to try and impress everybody. of course, being the idiot he was, he didn't look where he was going, and tripped over a stick. He fell over, and, I think he sprained his ankle, which is why he was just lying there on the ground. "Dude, get up!" Justin urged him, but he just laid on the ground. That's when I realized he was acting.

Mainly because his acting sucks.

"Aw! I think I have turned my ankle." Owen only contributed to this pathetic act. "Oh, no! Someone do something!" I groaned, and facepalmed. "Oh for goodness' sake..." He only shifted around on the ground like a dying animal. Obviously, Dad saw through it, and approached him. "That's not dancing." I followed up behind him, seeing Trent up close, making weak excuses. "It's modern! It's... uh... interpretive!"

I frowned, and folded my arms. "I interpret it as sucking." Dad nodded in agreement, while Gwen wasn't exactly pleased with my response. "Shut it, Lewis!" "Hey! I'm not lying!" "I ignored Trent, and now he's lost his will to go on." Duncan rolled his eyes, and made a quick gesture to Trent, who was still lying on the ground. "You're giving yourself way too much credit. If Trent has that many screws loose, you didn't unscrew any more of them."

/// Gwen ///

"I like Trent. A lot! But, I don't wanna be responsible for this much mental distress!"

/// End ///

Dad scratched the side of his head in some amount of confusion, before announcing the winners. "I can't believe I'm saying this... but, Leshawna and the Screaming Gaffers are the winners! And, your reward? The greatest beach party ever picked!" The Screaming Gaffers cheered for a while, before Trent suddenly started following Gwen for no reason.

"I guess his obsession does link back to Gwen." I spoke, as I watched him leave. "Hey, Lou, go spy on them for me, will you?" Dad asked. I saw it coming, so I had nothing against it. I was just as curious as he was. "You got it." I walked off, completely unbothered.

*

I looked around, before spotting them just talking in the woods. I narrowed my eyes, and edged in just close enough so that I could hear them without being spotted. "I know you really wanted to win..." "I guess so, yeah... You know, you're a really good dancer." "Yeah? You like that?" "Mhm. Your ankle seems better." "I'm weird like that." "You sure are."

"Whatcha doin'?" I widened my eyes, and turned to the side, to see Owen standing there. I quickly shushed him, and looked back to see if Trent and Gwen had heard us. Luckily, they had not. I replied to him in a hushed voice. "Why are you-?! It- It doesn't matter. Chris asked me to spy on Gwen and Trent, so I am! Just shush!" To be honest... he did not shush. He spoke loudly, and made our presence known.

"Ohhh! Are you guys gonna make out now?" He got hit with two large sticks, which knocked him straight down. I, somehow, wasn't seen. After a few seconds of nothing but silence, I sighed, and helped him up. "It's late, we should be getting back."

*

Another ice pack was lost today at the hands of an irresponsible camper. In Lindsay's case, I suppose my dad was at fault. But still. Owen got one, and was standing around with everybody else. Gwen and Trent were back later, too. They all watched the other team dance, pour themselves drinks, and enjoy the food, while they just stood around.

"If the losing team could just follow me to the bus..." I turned to my dad, and signalled that it was broken. I had come across it earlier. "...which is broken... which means, the losers will have to stay and watch their rivals gorge on victory, and poi!"

*

Harold was dancing in the middle of a circle the Gaffers had made, and it was impressive, to say the least. Well, that was until Duncan kicked sand in Harold's face. He swiped it all away, luckily. "What was that for?!" "'Cause... you actually have mad skills in dance." "Good thing we didn't need 'em. Thanks to my smooth moves!"

"How is it, Omar?" Lindsay questioned, as Owen took a large bite out of the sandcastle. "As good as a dirt-encrusted magazine can be..." He vomited it all up straight after. It ended up all over Lindsay, who was just standing there with a surprised expression. Beth was sitting dejectedly on a tyre, while Justin approached. "Thanks for winning us the sandcastle contest. Especially since I blew the surfing challenge. You really saved my bacon. Or, should I say... facon? Hm."

Beth only snorted and gasped happily at this. Justin continued, faking his disappointment. "Except, I kinda noticed you gave everyone on the team friendship bracelets. Everyone... but me. Aren't we friends, Beth?" Beth made no hesitation and taking one off, and handed it to Justin. "Course! Here, it's kinda wet... My palm's a little sweaty." "Red. Nice."

/// Justin ///

"Let's just say, I'll do anything to win. Anything. Heh... 'Ooh, Beth, I love it! I was thinking, Beth. It could be really good for us if we were in an alliance.'"

/// End ///

"Woah. Justin is actually pretty crafty..." I commented, as I watched the screen. "Yeah, just as much as he's good looking. Maybe we're related?" Dad made a joke, but I didn't find it funny. He laughed at it, obviously. "He wishes." But, little to both of our expectations, Dad had left the mic on, and Justin could hear everything we were saying.  "Uh, no, Chris. No, I don't."

He quickly turned off the entire thing, before proceeding to do the outro. "Poor delusional guy could never swim in my gene pool. More importantly, tune in next time, to watch more me! And... a few minutes of Justin. On Total... Drama... Action!" Dad didn't realize the camera was still rolling. "Which one of you geniuses left the two-way mic on!?"

Chapter Text

It was incredibly hot. Like, 35° hot. Everybody was sweating, and trying to stay in the shade, but for those that couldn't, for example, DJ, he was sitting in a tiny kiddie pool trying to cool off. Beth and Lindsay were sitting underneath their trailer's orange canopy. Harold, of course, was being an absolute idiot, and seeking refuge in his trailer. His... metal trailer. Y'know, one that'd be likely the hottest place?

"Too hot... to do... anything! Ugh!"

/// Harold ///

"My mad skills are leeching out of me. I can feel it..." He propped himself up on the table using both hands, before placing those hands on his head. "My mojo isn't sweat-proof!" He then collapsed, back onto the floor.

/// End ///

Me, however, I was relaxing with Justin. Neither of us minded the heat, but in Justin's case, it was because he was being fanned by Owen. I just didn't get hot, I guess. I've been all around Canada, and, I assure you, there are hotter places than Toronto. "Can't you fan any faster?" Justin turned to Owen, who was practically panting. "You're hot... but, I'm hotter." He released a quick, weak laugh, before collapsing, and panting, yet again.

"Ah, give him a break. He absorbs way more heat than us." I brushed it off, turning to Justin. He shrugged with a small frown. "I can see that." Although we were both wearing shades, I could tell he darted his eyes towards Owen for a split-second. 

/// Lewis ///

"Me and Justin are close, yeah.  I mean, not that it matters, obviously. But, he's a good guy, once you get to know him."

/// Justin ///

"I'm only hanging out with that kid because I have to. But, just in case Beth and Lindsay don't work out, I suppose he'd be a good alliance member..."

/// End ///

Gwen sneezed a few times, before rubbing her nose. She sounded like she was in some disbelief about her condition. "I can't be getting a cold in this heat!" I did have some non-prescribed medications with me, but I wanted to see where exactly this was going before I gave her anything to take. Trent offered her his water bottle, with a slightly weird comment. "Water? You're the only girl I'd risk catching some heinous virus from." "Ha, that's, uh... sweet, Trent. Thanks, but it's probably just allergies." She took a sip from the bottle, and handed it back to Trent.

Of course, he wasn't satisfied. He took the bottle, and rubbed the neck and opening with his sleeve, nine times. Yep. Nine times. Counting every single one. He smiled nervously, while Gwen only glared at him for this.

/// Trent ///

"Sweet! I think I just scored a few extra bonus points!"

/// End ///

/// Gwen ///

"And... we're back to zero on the relationship scale. Not- Not that anyone's counting! I mean, y'know, besides Trent..."

/// End ///

I sighed, and approached them both, taking some medication out my shoulder bag. "It's probably hay fever. I've got some Piriton, it should help." She sniffled again, and took the box from me. "Thanks, Lewis." "No problem. Let me know if you need any more." I could feel the glare from Trent as I got up and walked back to my seat. I mean, if you want to be a good boyfriend, then don't rudely wipe your bottle in front of your girlfriend. Allergies aren't contagious, by the way.

I sat back in my chair, and relaxed, yet again. "Hey, Lewis." Justin began. I raised a brow at this, and responded to him. "What's up, dude?" "I was just thinking, it would be a great idea if we were in an alliance." I didn't really like the sound of that. I sat up properly, and turned my entire body towards him. "I'm not supposed to do that. It's against the rules of the game?" He sat up, too, and did the same thing. "Yeah, I know that, but Chris doesn't have to know. Plus, wouldn't Beth be jealous of you? I know you wanna make her pay for what she did to you." I thought for a few seconds.

That was a good point, but... how do I know he's not already in an alliance with Beth? Or Lindsay?! They were both at fault...

"I'll think about it." I said, and stood up. I only did that, because I knew my dad loved his cues when it came to introducing these challenges. I watched him in slight uncertainty as he narrowed his eyes, and cocked the pistols in his hands. Luckily, I realized that it was only a blank before anybody actually freaked out. He shot the blanks into the air, and everybody either screamed, or flinched in response to this. 

What I mean by that is, Beth screamed and covered her ears, which did, I must admit, bring me some satisfaction, while Harold quickly stood up from his place, and banged his head on the top of the trailer window. "AAAH! CHRIS!" She angrily spoke, furrowing her brows at the both of us, as if it were my fault. "Ow! My cranium..." "Take it eaaasy! Guns are loaded with blanks." He blew some smoke off of the first pistol, directly into Harold's face. He coughed it all away, but Dad wasn't finished.

"Least, I'm pretty sure one of 'em is!" He chuckled, and walked forward, suddenly putting on this random southern accent. "Since there's no beatin' the heat, we're goin' west this week. There's a town meetin' at high noon. Be there, or I'll drive you deadbeats outta town!" Lindsay excitedly stood up, and waved her hand, in hopes of getting an answer to her question. "Ooh, ooh! Chris! If you're driving us out of town, can we go to the mall?!" Me and Dad looked at each other, slightly confused, before returning our glances to Lindsay.

/// Leshawna ///

Multiple interns were applying cosmetics to both Leshawna's hair and skin. She was absolutely sweating in that booth, and she had multiple things to prove so. For once, her hair bobble snapped, revealing that her hair could expand into an afro. "Ugh. Darn humidity!" She noticed one intern looking at her, and folded her arms. "What you think you're lookin' at? Nothing to see here!" She widened her eyes once she heard one of them giggling.

/// End ///

I looked around at the film set for this challenge, quite impressed, for a change. "You really went all out on this one, huh?" I asked, raising a brow at my dad. "Sure did. Ya like it?" "...Eh. I think you've got better ones. You're just trying to surprise me." I shrugged, watching as all the contestants approached, and lined up. Of course, last came Leshawna, and her hairstyle had... 'sufficiently' changed.

Heather giggled at this sight, covering her hand with her palm. This didn't go unnoticed, for Leshawna got up in her face, causing both Beth and Lindsay to back away into Heather. "I'm sorry, do you see something wrong with my hair?!" Duncan split it, and peered over the gap, just to demonstrate the size of it. "Not from where I'm standing!" "Alright, alright. There's nothing wrong with your hair, Leshawna. Let's just get this challenge started."

*

"Listen up, partners!" Dad started with his accent, but did actually grow tired of it. "In any good western, there are heroes, outlaws, horses, and pretty dames. The hero defeats the outlaw, then rides off into the sunset, on the horse." "What about the pretty dames?" Beth asked, clearly startling my dad to some extent. I put my hands on my hips, and tilted my head. "You've seriously never watched a western before? That's just sad." Dad joined in on this, getting up in Beth's face all of a sudden. "Of course she hasn't, because it's none of her beeswax!" He then laughed, and ruffled her hair. "Just messing with ya! They usually hang out in the saloon during the bar brawl."

Harold perked up at his words. Obviously, he had some kind of hyperfixation on karate, or something. "Bar brawl? Cool!" He then proceeded to punch the air and jump around several times, each time going 'hyah' like some kind of fighter. Nine times, to be exact... Both Duncan and Leshawna found this incredibly strange, but only Duncan acted on it. He stuck his foot out, and Harold tripped over nearly straight away, flailing his arms about like some idiot. Of course, that didn't do anything to stop him landing directly into the water trough.

Duncan mocked Harold, and laughed at him. "Awesome re-enactment, Harold! Aw, man, most brawls do end up with the loser in the water trough." 

/// Leshawna ///

"Back home, my peeps and I look out for each other. Harold may be small and strange, but that boy is still my peep. I've got my eye on Duncan!"

/// End ///

Harold sat up from the water trough, completely drenched in water. I helped him out of it, and immediately, he began to shake off all of the water like Banjo would when he's just jumped into a lake. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, I've got dogs. Banjo, Todd, and the other one's Chris Jr. He's just a pup, and Chef took the liberty of naming that one. Justin, to nobody's surprise, was the recipient of all of these water droplets. He smirked, and posed as all of the water sizzled off of him. "Oh, yeah... feels good!"

"That's enough of the man candy! All eyes on me!" Dad yelled, shooting two blanks from his gun again. Everybody turned their attention to him, as he began to explain the challenge for today. "Time for your first challenge. No cowboy worth spittin' at will go one day without saddle practice. Time to saddle up!" I turned my attention to the horse, but it was more of a mule, at best. It was riddled with flies, and completely unhygienic as a whole. "So... that's the best steed Mom could afford?" I raised a brow, turning my head to Dad. "I... think so." He did the same, raising a brow at the mule. "We gotta cut somewhere, I guess." I shrugged, and let him continue.

/// Beth ///

"Ooh, I love horsies! Justin told me I looked like one! He's so..." She came to the sudden realization Justin's 'compliment' wasn't actually a compliment. "...great."

/// End ///

/// Harold ///

"I spent three summers at Medieval Steve's Medieval Camp. We learnt to joust, ride horses, and how to look manly in tights." He demonstrated all of this with small movements with his hands. "It's harder than it looks."

/// End ///

/// Trent ///

He put his hands on his hips, before shrugging. "Who says a western has to end with a guy and his horse? This is the movies! The guy always gets the girl. Meaning... me."

/// End ///

Duncan snickered, and approached the mule, raising a brow jokingly. "You call this a challenge?" He then proceeded to try and mount the horse, but he was stopped before he could. "Not so fast! You cowboys and cowbabes are gonna have to mount the steed from up there." The camera angle shifted upwards so it only reached the top of the water tower. I'd read the challenge memos, and knew it certainly wasn't just there. "Not there. Way up there!" It then shifted ten more feet up to reveal a very long ladder. Plus a rickety diving board, but hey, who's counting? "Since the Gaffers won last week, they go first. Don't worry though, our unpaid interns have assured us it's safe."

I recalled how I watched Chef stamp on one of the intern's hands to get him to fall from the diving board. He screamed all the way down, and it certainly wasn't a soft landing.

"You mean... Chef assured you it's safe?" The question was ignored, because Gwen brought up another question instead. "We won last week. Why do we have to go first!?" Dad simply raised a finger, and adjusted his hat. "Because I said so. And I'm your host, Chris McLean." He winked at the camera, to which Gwen responded by sneezing, yet again. "Ugh... Guys, I think I'm really coming down with something. Lewis, do you have anymore of that stuff?" I didn't notice the questioning look my dad gave me, because I was busy walking over. "Yeah. Take it once every, like, five hours. Or just daily, if it's easier." I handed her another box.

I assume she's just stocking up. There's no way she's took them all in an hour. That's incredibly dangerous. She could pass out 'cause of it. Even worse, her sneezing could get worse.

"Don't worry, Gwen. We'll help you up the ladder." Duncan reassured, much to both Gwen and Trent's shock. Their eyes both widened, but Trent rushed in, and, once again, failed at saving the situation. "Uh, guys, Gwen is really sick. In her condition, she'd probably fall right off the platform, and fall on that poor horse." After a second, he realized what he'd just said, and covered his mouth in sudden regret.

/// Gwen ///

"WHAT WAS THAT!?"

/// End ///

/// Trent ///

"Stupid!" He hit his forehead once.

/// End ///

Gwen nervously gulped, and approached the ladder on the opposite side of the water tower. "Wish me luck..." Duncan and Harold cheered, while Heather was more of a... 'forceful encourager'. "You can do it, let's go!" After she had begun to climb up the ladder, Duncan groaned, and shook his head. "We are so gonna need a new team leader..." "I HEARD THAT!"

Gwen did make it all the way up the ladder, to my surprise, although I could see that she was clearly exhausted. I mean, that didn't surprise me either, but it's still worth mentioning. She peered over the edge, and was even more reluctant to jump. But of course, Trent had another poor choice of words. "Break a leg, Gwen!"

/// Gwen ///

"BREAK A LEG!? That's what Trent says to me as I'm about to plummet a hundred feet to my death!?"

/// End ///

/// Trent ///

"Stupid, stupid!" He hit his forehead twice.

/// End ///

After a few seconds of considering, she quickly shook her head, and raised her voice. "I can't do it!" She walked back to the ladder, but it didn't go as well as she had hoped, for she sneezed again, and somehow, it had enough force to send her falling off the other end of the diving board. She screamed, and I could tell her landing position would be... less than ideal.

/// Harold ///

He was scribbling into a notepad, most likely calculations, for he was speaking out loud. "Acceleration equals mass times gravitational constant occasional equational... huh. Not good, people, not good!"

/// End ///

Gwen screamed, and landed on the horse, but was completely stunned from what had just happened to her. Also, it may have been the impact of the landing, but, y'know. "Ooh! You okay, girl?" Leshawna asked, but Gwen didn't respond, for she fell forward, off the horse, and onto the ground. "GWEN!" Trent ran up to her and helped her sit up, like some knight in shining armour, although his actions disproved it. "Thanks... just watch my left- OW! ARM!" He had both pulled and put pressure on her arm, which was the reason she yelled.

/// Trent ///

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He hit his forehead three times.

/// End ///

Leshawna was quick to rush over and push Trent out of the way, and help Gwen up. She groaned as she stood, and was walked back to her team. "Whoa-ho! Nice going, Gwen, that was awesome! Gaffers one, Grips, you're up!" Trent sighed, and approached the ladder, mumbling to himself about how, apparently, things couldn't get any worse, but clearly, they could. He just didn't realize it until he jumped off the diving board. He completely missed the horse, and landed directly on the fence.

Me, Owen and Justin all cringed away from this, while Trent raised his voice to a more 'high-pitched' tone. "Or maybe, they can!" My dad shuddered at it, before smirking, and pointing at Trent. "Yeesh! Glad it wasn't me. Gaffers one, Grips, zip. Harold, you're up."

He landed on the horse just fine, and celebrated it. "Wicked!" Unfortunately, Duncan came down and landed on top of them, but they were both still on the horse, so I guess it counted as two points for the Gaffers. "Way to pad the saddle, Duncan!" "I think you broke my coccyx!" Harold was shuddering as he said this, which only seemed to prove his point. "Gaffers three, Grips, zilch!" Duncan got off the horse without fault, but I had to help Harold, since I do think he actually broke a bone.

When it was Owen's turn, it was the horse that didn't want him to be diving off the platform. It took a large step to the right, and Owen completely missed it. He made a big hole in the ground, but that didn't stun him, no. He proceeded to chase around the horse until he could actually get on it's back. He did manage to, and unsurprisingly, Dad bent the rules for him. "Nice effort, Owen, my man. If horses can bend, so can the rules. Grips are now on the board, with one point!" None of the Gaffers found it fair, and their voices overlapped each other's, but Owen didn't seem to care. "Yeah, baby! Horse-jumping rules!"

DJ was using some kind of blanket, or something, to make sure he didn't die on impact, but it didn't really work, because the wind blew him into the electrical wires on set. I stood beside my Dad, while Justin, Beth and Lindsay watched him crash into the wires. Neither me or my dad did anything about it, but there were some negative reactions. For example, all three of the contestants beside me cringed away. 

Leshawna walked up to us both, smiling nervously. "Uh, Chris? You are gonna send someone to help DJ, right?" Whilst I nodded, he burst out laughing. I elbowed him in the side with a frown, which caused him to stop almost instantly.

"We here at Total Drama Action care about the health and welfare of our competitors. Furthermore, no animals were hurt in the making of this show."

Justin, of course being the privileged, hot dude he was, held up a contract, reading from it. "Uh, says right here, page thirty-seven of my gluteus maximus modelling contract, I am forbidden from any form of jumping that might strain my, uh... assets. Heh, sorry!" Beth, Lindsay and Owen couldn't get enough of his 'assets', and only stopped gazing at him dreamily when he stopped showing it off.

Lindsay and Beth were next up, and they were going to jump together, holding hands, like some preschool children. To be fair, that was their mental age, so I couldn't judge too much. I still did. "If I go to that big beauty parlour in the sky, don't let Heather have my hair, 'kay?" "Oh, no, never! Uh... can I have your hair if you die?" Lindsay glared down at Beth in doubt. "I don't think so." They both then proceeded to jump down, and I could not lie to you, I had hoped that it was not Lindsay that died, but Beth, instead. It's a shame she didn't, really.

"Alright! Grips and Gaffers are now tied at three each. It's up to you two to break the tie." Dad said, talking to Leshawna and Heather. I added onto this, folding my arms, raising a brow. "I hope you won't get too caught up in each other's hair to jump, and break the tie?" They frowned for a second, glaring at each other. "After you, teammate...!" Leshawna pushed Heather forward, but Heather then pushed Leshawna forward, and... yeah, that went on for a while, until they actually reached the ladder. They then glared at each other again, before they both put a hand on the ladder.

/// Heather ///

"What is that kid's deal?! Sure, pretending I'm flirting with you to wind me up is one thing. But, shaving my head and JOKING about it?! That's too far, you little brat!"

/// End ///

I was actually looking forward to hear them argue as they climbed up the ladder. Although, they were mainly arguing about how the other looked. "Why is it that we have to stare at your navel all day? Put a shirt on!" "Oh-oh- right, right, because we all love looking at those kumquats on your mall kiosk t-shirt." 

I mean, they looked like oranges, but I'm not the one climbing a ladder directly opposite to her chest, am I?

They both got to the top of the diving board. "At least I have hair." Heather put her hands on her hips. "Your afro is so big, it has its own gravity." "Oh, I'll give you gravity!" Leshawna walked up behind Heather, and pushed her off the board so that she fell first. However, Heather grabbed her wrist before she fell, which caused them both to fall down, directly towards the horse. But, that's not exactly the course they ended up taking.

Gwen waited for them to hit the horse, but they didn't. She looked around, in a mixture of worry and curiosity. "Where'd they go?" I looked upwards, to find the answer to her question. "Oh, uh... up... there." I pointed upwards, to show everybody that they were hanging, by their pants, from the windvane. All of a sudden, it seems the fabric ripped, and she fell from the windvane before Heather did. But, I do have to mention her fast thinking, and using her afro to give her a soft landing. "Ha-ha! Bet you're not laughing at my hair now!"

My eyes widened, and I couldn't even speak because I feel like it'd be too awkward to bring up. However, my dad thought otherwise. He laughed at her, and she immediately turned around, revealing her, um... 'area' to the entire viewing audience. "Well, I guess you showed her. And, by her, I mean the entire viewing audience!" Leshawna pulled him forward by his shirt and growled at him, but quickly pulled away when, well, he pushed her off.

"Okay, okay! You don't gotta get my dungarees all dusty. Looks like the teams are still tied at three apiece. To the next challenge, for the tiebreaker, cowpokes!" Everyone but me walked off to the next place on set, because they'd totally forgotten about the Queen Bee hanging above them. "Somebody better get me down now! Hello!? Anyone?! LEWIS! GET ME DOWN!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming! Jeez." I groaned, before walking forward, and using some props to get up to the roof of the barn. It wasn't that hard, but it took a bit out of me. The harder part was figuring out how the hell I was gonna get her down without the same thing that happened to Leshawna happening here. "What are you, uh... do you care how I do this?" I questioned, a hint of anxiety in my voice. "I don't care, just get me down!" "Um... okay...? Just saying, you might have to change your shorts..." "Wait, wha-" And, so, I cut her loose.

/// Lewis ///

"I must remind the viewing audience that what I did was done with mass hesitation. I hold no attraction to Heather, like, at all."

/// End ///

"The hallmark of any good western is the quick-draw cowboy showdown. Captains will pick their strongest cowpoke to compete in what will likely be a fight to the death! Ha-ha!" Dad explained, but I had to remind him of the lawyers berating us earlier this morning. He didn't really like nor want to hear that, but it was necessary to stop the risk of lawsuits from angry parents, or teenagers. "I have... just been reminded that you may shoot until someone is mildly injured, or cries like a little baby. But, a fight to the death is strictly prohibited. Time to pick your cowboys!"

/// Trent ///

"If I'm gonna have any chance with Gwen, I've gotta find some way to help her out."

/// End ///

"The Grips pick... Owen." I tilted my head in slight confusion, as Justin seemed to agree with me. "What? You wanna use Owen for target practice? He's a guaranteed hit!" "He IS a little, um... 'large'. Wanna re-think your strategy?" I nodded, and approached them, signalling to Owen, whom I noticed was wearing basically nothing but his underpants. Heather put her hands on her hips, and glared at him. "Owen! Put some pants on!"

/// Gwen ///

"He's throwing challenges for me again! I do not wanna win this way!"

/// End ///

/// Trent ///

"Finally! I think I did good. Man, girls are complicated!"

/// End ///

"Oh, dear." I spoke quietly, as I watched Owen slurp up the last of the water from the water guns. My dad walked over, whining like a child. "Owen! We needed that water for the quick-draw cowboy showdowwwn!" He stomped his foot, and both me and Dad looked at Chef, who folded his arms. "Don't look at me! I ain't luggin' any more water in this heat!" Owen burped, which brought the argument to a close fairly quickly. "Sorry. I was thirsty." "It's fine, Owen, we'll just... come up with another one." I shrugged, and walked back towards the contestants.

*

We did come up with another one, and it, luckily, wasn't as dangerous as the last. "Since Owen ruined the last competition... Your final challenge of the day will be... calf-roping!" DJ looked around, shrugging at the lack of cattle. "Where are the cute lil' baby cows at?" Dad put his hands behind his back proudly, and signalled to both teams, giving the rundown of this challenge. "There aren't any! Grips are the cowboys, Gaffers are the cattle. The cowboys rope the cattle, they win. The cattle dodge the cowboys, they win!"

Trent asked a very stupid question. "How do we know who's who?" I answered it, but it was very obvious. "Because you picked the god damn- Okay, basically, Grips get to wear cowboy hats, and Gaffers have to wear udders. Simple?" 

They shouldn't have to wear hats to tell apart the rival teams, Trent!

"You just had to ask." Heather glared at Trent, who nervously frowned. However, he believed he could fix it, by acting even more stupid than before. "Sorry. I bet you'll look really cute in the hat, gwen. Udder-ly adorable, ha-ha..."

/// Lewis ///

"...Udder-ly adorable?"

/// End ///

/// Trent ///

"UDDER-LY ADORABLE!? Aw, stupid, stupid!" He hit his head twice. It left a bright red mark in his forehead, where his hand had been. "I'm totally blowing it again..."

/// End ///

/// Harold ///

He was wearing the cow udders. He snickered, before chuckling with a grin. "I have cow boobies on my head!"

/// End ///

/// Duncan ///

He adjusted the udders, before resting his head in his palm. "Stupid million bucks..."

/// End ///

"Would the cattle care for some hay?" He grinned, and cracked a joke. Clearly, Duncan was already feeling like crap, not to mention that. He cracked his knuckles, and threatened Dad. "Would the host care for an udder sandwich?" "I'm good. Chef will now judge the competition. Yo, Chef!" He called Chef, who walked up to us both, wearing another dress. He started fanning himself, and Dad, just being a fool, couldn't help but joke about. "Love the dress, Chef-ETTE!" He then laughed, but I didn't find that funny. I simply shook my head at him, while Chef went ahead and tied him to the fence.

*

"Maybe when I change, I'll come back and untie you. Lewis, be a good kid, and don't listen to what he tells you." I nodded at the order. "Got it." Chef walked off, which meant Dad could start the challenge. Although, before he did that, he did complain. "I can't feel my arms... Let the calf-roping begin..." Harold shrugged at DJ, who sent him an uncertain look. The cattle ran off in the opposite direction, while Beth shrugged at Trent, and they ran off. 

We didn't have to do or say anything for this challenge, since it was just a tiebreaker, and the teams could battle it out on their own. "Lewiiisss! Can you help me out here?" 

Untying my dad WAS tempting...

"Not really feelin' it right now."

You might be thinking of how my mom treated him right now, and I'll stop you right there. Tying your family up is a totally normal part of a healthy relationship. My mom did it to my dad and me, like, all the time, so I really don't see a problem with it.

"YEE-HAW!" Beth tied her lasso around Heather, which sent her falling forward, onto the floor. "Oof! Where did you learn to do THAT?!" "Ha-ha! Calf-roping, baton twirling... it's all in the twist of the wrist." Beth tightened the rope on Heather, while DJ collapsed, 'cause Justin tied him up by his ankles. "Heh-heh. For a big guy, you're pretty unstable."

In that time it took for those two catches to happen, my dad had untied himself. Quite surprising, considering he wasn't the best with ropes. I literally had to teach HIM to tie knots. "And, that's two cows down, four more to go!" Lindsay was about to catch Leshawna, but she lassoed the fence instead of her. So, when she continued to chase her, and attempted to bring her rope back to her, well... she was pulled back, and she tied herself up. "Ugh! None of this would be happening if Chris had taken me... urgh! ...to the mall, like he promised!"

Now, at this point, Trent was just trying to annoy me. He bumped into Gwen, and when she shrugged, and gave herself up, he literally just dropped the rope onto the floor, acting as if he'd actually tried to catch her. "Aw, shoot. So close!" Gwen growled in reaction to this, and stormed off, probably to use the confessional. I approached Trent, and glared at him, before pushing him over. "You're not playing the game, you loser. I know exactly what you're doing."

/// Gwen ///

Gwen blew her nose into a tissue, before speaking. "Okay, this has to stop! Why can't Trent just play fair, like normal?!"

/// End ///

/// Trent ///

"What girl doesn't love it when a dude helps her out? Holds a door, opens a pickle jar, helps her win a million-dollar competition? Even the host's kid hates me, man! What am I doing wrong?"

/// End ///

Harold was teasing Owen about how he couldn't catch him, and, to be fair, everybody agreed that he was right. Owen was incredibly unfit, and literally collapsed in front of him. Harold then slowly just backed away without a word.

Trent was busy moping about, which nobody was paying attention to, until Lindsay came up to him, and threw her rope over him. "Gotcha, cowboy!" He frowned, and turned his head to her. "Lindsay, I'm on your team! Rope the cattle. You know, the people with udders on their head?" Lindsay only laughed childishly at this, and smiled. "You're funny."

*

Me and Dad were sorta just relaxing on the fence, while the cattle were running away from the cowboys. Obviously, they suddenly got an idea when they saw the rope on the ground that my dad was tied up with. I think we all know how that went. The cattle were roping the cowboys. Much, much better than the cowboys were roping the cattle, unsurprisingly. 

/// Justin ///

"I just found out I have a new neck modelling contract. Apparently, I have excellent tendons." He then stretched out his neck to show everybody. "See? See, check it out. You like that?"

/// End ///

Harold was chasing after Justin, and with the amount of contracts he currently had, I was surprised he didn't lecture him on them right there. "Not the face! Or the neck, hands, feet, legs, knees, or anything in the chestal region!" I... take it back. I guess that is in character for Justin... He then slumped down onto the ground, and brought his knees up to his face, while Harold threw his rope around him. "Gotcha. That was too easy." Leshawna came up to him, and threw her rope around him, too. "Hiya, sugar baby."

"Well... colour me stoked." I said, folding my arms at the display. "The cattle have roped the cowboys! A bit unexpected, but, eh, what the heck?" The Screaming Gaffers cheered, but it didn't last long, cause Duncan tied up Harold, and pulled him onto the ground. "Ugh, aw! Uh, hello? We're on the same team!" "What? You gonna go all medieval camp on me? Ha-ha!"

/// Harold ///

He was grunting, and completely tied up in rope. "I can get out of this anytime." It was evident that he could not. 

/// End ///

"You Grips are losers. And, you know what happens to losers?" He pulled out the branding iron from the campfire, but I wasn't too bothered, I knew legal denied it. "Which Grip wants to take the heat?" The entirety of the Grips team, with the exception of Justin and Trent, fled, leaving the two of them. To me, I think Trent actually wanted to be branded. "Got anything in a G?" "Dude!"

/// Gwen ///

"G? Like, for Gwen? Ugh! Trent wants to brand himself with my initial! This has gone WAY too far."

/// End ///

/// Lewis ///

I was looking up something on my phone. "'Kay, says the nearest mental hospital is..."

/// End ///

/// Trent ///

He slapped his forehead several times, and it left a very bright mark this time. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Someone from the makeup department covered it with concealer, however. "Ha-ha, thanks..."

/// End ///

It wasn't that long until Dad chucked the iron into the water trough. "Legal says branding's out. Guess I have to settle for booting one of the Grips off in the most exciting Gilded Chris ceremony ever!" He was doing, like, a dance, or something. I laughed, and tilted my head. "What... are you doing?" 

I didn't expect it to be answered, really. My tone told both of us it was a rhetorical question, and it was obvious he was just dancing. 

"Now, go shower. You stink!" Both teams walked off towards the washrooms on set, while we went in the opposite direction, to get ready for the ceremony.

*

/// Leshawna ///

"I'd like ONE good reason why that punk-haired, skull-shirted wannabe keeps picking on poor Harold!"

/// End ///

/// Duncan ///

"You wanna know why I pick on Harold? Here's a hint. She's about ye tall, has beautiful brown hair, and could tear you limb from limb. No, it's not a bear. It's Courtney. Harold got Courtney booted last season. Yep. Payback's a-"

/// End ///

There was the sound of static and Duncan's voice coming from the tablet I was holding. "Courtney, huh? Hm... let's see what I can do to stop that from happening any more."

/// End ///

"Pssst! Lewis!" I raised a brow, and turned my head. Justin was hiding behind a tree, like some idiot. "What do you want?" "Come follow me, I need to show you something." "Uh... alriiight...?"

*

"What happened to bathing in a barrel like the rest of us?" Gwen was questioning Trent. "Ah, I figured I'd made enough of a fool of myself today..." Gwen frowned, and looked away. "Trent, we need to talk." Trent then frowned, and looked down in shame. "Aw, please don't tell me this is what I think it is..." Gwen then brought her hand up to her arm, and rubbed it in anxiety. "It's what you think it is." "I told you not to tell me that!" 

I narrowed my eyes, and leaned in slightly closer.

Was she breaking up with him?

"Trent, you're a great guy. I mean that. But, this isn't working." "I-Is this 'cause I offered to brand myself with a G?"

Yes.

"No." There was a small pause, but I think that was because Gwen was trying to phrase it nicely. "Well, yes. But, it's not just that. You've got your... quirks, and I've got mine. I get that! But, you've been throwing challenges for me, and I need to win this fair and square. Okay?" "What are you saying?" Trent asked, quite anxiously, but Gwen only lowered her head. "It's over. I'm sorry..." Trent did the same thing. "I hear you, loud and clear."

"So do we."

And, I guess that was an attempt at securing an alliance with me? I mean, it was already obvious, really. But, if Chef's allowed to have one with DJ, then I'm allowed to have one with Justin. I'm still considering it, though...

*

Gwen anxiously walked out of her trailer, but Justin didn't see the eavesdropping as a chance to get Trent out without explanation. Apparently, he wanted the rest of his team to be told by Gwen, openly. "Tell them what I just heard you say to Trent!" Gwen knew exactly what he meant, but pretended not to know, in an attempt to save her case. "Sorry, I can't hear you! A-Achoo! Head cold..."

"Fine. I'll do it, then. Trent's been purposefully throwing our challenges for Gwen!" I was standing with the Grips, but it's not like I didn't know. Owen, Lindsay and Beth, however, were a different case. "No way!" "That's so unfair!" "Gwen would never let Trent do that. Ever! Right, Gwen?" Beth worriedly looked to Gwen with those same eyes. In response, she fumbled around with her words. "Uh... depends on how... there are other ways to... mm... ugh. It's true." 

Beth then gasped, and continued to guilt-trip Gwen into thinking it was her fault Trent was insane. "You two have been cheating!? How could you? You're our friend!" I stepped in before things got too bad. "It wasn't even her fault. She wasn't in on it." "And, why should we believe you?" I glanced over to Gwen, who sighed, and answered. "Because I broke up with Trent." Lindsay gasped, and her voice clashed with Beth's. "Oh no!" "Poor you and Trent."

I also noticed that Owen was looking down Lindsay's towel, but decided not to comment on it. There was a time and place for things. "This. This whole thing! It could be a ruse! Some strategy to make it to the final two..." Justin quickly turned his head to all four of us, trying to get us against Gwen. "Wow. Beauty AND brains!" "Shut up, Owen." "Okay." Gwen approached us four, and tried to explain. "I wasn't in on it, I swear!" "Prove it."

Seeing as she had no other options, Gwen finally gave in. "Fine. Vote Trent off. Things've gotten way too complicated between us anyway. You'd be doing me a favour." "Ho-ho! Great cherry cheesecake! She's bluffing!" Justin then followed after her, putting his hands on his hips. "We'll see about that. Either way, you owe us, Gwen." She anxiously nodded, and everybody headed off to do their own things.

*

This ceremony felt strangely empty. Either that, or Dad had just gotten bigger bleachers for some reason. "The votes have been cast! If you get a Gilded Chris, it means you're safe. For now." Chef came up to us both with the statues in his arms. Although, he wasn't wearing the dress he usually did. "What happened your dress?" Dad questioned sarcastically, smirking. I raised a brow, while Chef gestured to Dad something. Dad looked at him in doubt, before returning to his speech.

"And, the Gilded Chris goes to... Lindsay and Beth." They caught them, as they both cheered happily. "Justin." He caught his, and sighed in relief to himself. "And last, but not least..."

There was a pause for dramatic effect, obviously.

"...Owen!" He happily caught it, and embraced Justin. After a second, they realized what they were doing, and pulled away quickly, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry, dude." "Sorry." Trent, on the other hand, was focused on the bigger issue here. Well, not an issue, but you know what I mean. "What? This has to be a mistake!" "Trent, it's time to go." Trent stood up in a hurry. "But... I can't leave without saying goodbye to Gwen!" 

"Yo, Chef. A little help here?" He was already half-way through walking towards Trent, but, you know, whatever. He threw Trent over his shoulder, and carried him to the Lame-o-sine, while I walked up to the bleachers to watch. However, Dad was following Chef, so they could both sign off the ceremony. "GWEEEEEN!"

Jesus Christ.

He was literally thrown into the car, and it drove off without any kind of notice. "3:10 to Crazytown. Trent is now abord!" Well, a one-liner from my dad, but other than that, nothing.

*

"Did you call me in here, just to make me feel bad?" Gwen questioned. I glanced at her, before turning fully. "Yes. Yes, we did." "Well, it worked." She sighed, and I let Dad take over, since he was better with this kinda stuff. "Our work here is done. See all you groovy cats next time on Total... Drama... Action!"

Chapter Text

*

[3rd Person P.O.V]

*

Geoff and bridgette sat on a couch, with applause of an unseen audience in the background. "What's going on everyone? Welcome to the brand new, totally off-the-hook, Total Drama Action Aftermath show!" There was another round of applause, as Bridgette began to talk. "We're coming to you live, to dish out everything Total... Drama... Action!" "This is where the real action is! Yeah-yeah! I'm Geoff." "And I'm Bridgette." "You may remember us from such series as Total Drama Island, and its even more thrilling sequel, Total Drama Action! Ha-hoo!"

"WHICH we were voted off of for kissing, and lost out on a million bucks." Bridgette folded her arms, and turned her line of sight away from Geoff. "I still say making out makes for awesome television." Geoff shrugged at his own rebuttal, before continuing. "But hey, we've got our own show, and this is way more fun, right? Yeah!" This caused cheering from the audience again, which lightened up Bridgette, and caused her to laugh.

"Right. Now we get to hang with you, and we're super stoked for the new season!" "What'd you think of it so far? The film lot. Totally awesome, right?" The clapping and cheering erupted from the audience again, with the uncommon whistle to go with it. "We are SO psyched to be here!" The camera then panned to the right to reveal the previous contestants that did not make it onto the second season.

"Yeah. Speak for yourselves." Eva said, very sarcastically. "I... was speaking for myself. Heh, but glad you reminded us you're here. Eva, everyone!" The cheering rose up, quite loudly, which caused Eva to anxiously wave at the audience. "We've brought along all our peeps from last season!" "They may be losers, but not in our book. Right, Geoff?" Bridgette added on, which caused Katie and Sadie to 'aw' at her generosity. "Aww!" "That is so sweet, you guys!"

Geoff and Bridgette then went ahead, and began to introduce everyone, pairing up clips with them. Most of them, something embarrassing. 

"Alright! We've got Cody!" Gwen was about to get hit by a ball, until he jumped in the way. Unfortunately, it hit him directly in the kiwis.

"And Noah!" He looked rather proud of himself for someone with a clip of him kissing Cody's ear.

"Ezekiel." Simple, he was just picking his nose.

"Ha-ha! Yo, homeschool! Ha-ha! Let's give it up for Eva!" She noticed Cody trying to grab her MP3 player, and nearly bit off his hand.

"Katie and Sadie!" This is where the clips stopped. They both spoke over each other, very excitedly. "Oh my gosh!" "We are so super excited to be here!" "And a shoutout to Courtney!" Courtney was busy speaking into her PDA, to her lawyers. "We are gonna sue the pants off this show, Michael!" "Uh... whoops. Uh, okay." Geoff anxiously rubbed his neck, before signalling to Bridgette to switch the topic of focus. 

"And, Tyler!" He winked at the camera, as, strangely, a clip of him played. He was water-skiing towards the island. Out of nowhere, he tripped up, and fell off of his skiis.

"There you are, dude! Will somebody please tell Lindsay?" Geoff cracked a joke, which sent the audience into bursts of laughter. "We've also got a ton of texts and emails from all of you!" "Plus, we'll have a couple of you on webcam, which is super, super cool." 

"Izzy- I mean, Kaleidoscope, will be here!" Bridgette corrected herself almost instantly, but it seemed the mistake was actually on purpose, because of her tone. "And of course, Trent!" Geoff held a thumbs-up, while the audience went wild with applause, yet again. Bridgette, however, toned them down when she began to talk. "Aww, poor Trent, right? What happened to him is just so wrong."

"We felt so terrible for Trent. Like, he went nuttier than my sister's peanut allergy. Hi, Cindy!" Sadie started, whilst Katie finished off for her. "But he's still so super cute. I barf in my mouth a little every time I think of what happened to him." She frowned, and Sadie agreed with her. "Oh my gosh, me too!" She gagged, and widened her eyes.

Geoff watched this, unimpressed. "Uh, okay, cool. Thanks for that."

*

[Lewis' P.O.V]

*

"No, E-Scope. I wouldn't listen to your snowball, I would throw it!" I folded my arms, very unimpressed by her question.

Basically, she asked me if I would listen to a snowball for life advice.

"It's almost time to welcome our first guest, but before we do that, welcome our special guest! He's been a host, taken care of everybody when they were hurt, and made his fangirls go crazy, say hello to..."

That is a very empty description of me.

"Lewis McLean!"

I stood up, and headed towards the stage. I wasn't expecting much, but I got a lot more than that. Fangirls, fanboys, fans, everybody was going rabid over my appearance, and I hadn't even said anything yet. It may have been due to the new knowledge that I was appearing on this spinoff with the title of a 'special appearance', or something, but it was more of the fact I was just there in general. 

"Lewis, bro! Awesome to have you, man!" "Yeah, great to be here." It didn't take long for them to start talking to the audience again. Yeah, sure, my boyfriend was there, my best friend, the rest of my friends, but I couldn't stop glaring at Courtney. 

Good thing I was bribed to be here, then.

She was glaring at me, too. We both had something to hate about each other, but I feel my reason was far more justified than hers. She just wanted to sue the show for not being allowed back for a second season. If you remember correctly, she was punished for being the cause of my dismemberment.

"Let's take a look at some clips, guys!" The big TV switched on, and I'm so glad it was clips of E-Scope. "Izzy's time on Total Drama Action may have been short..." "But, it was a real wild ride." "The girl got a monster crush." "And later, suffered a serious blow at the hands of Chef Hatchet." "Ha-ha! Chef thinks he's killed her. Look how freaked he is!" "Serves the dude right. Oh! Watch! Love this part." It was just her jumping up after being hit with a paintball.

I pointed a finger at Courtney, and silently mouthed words to her.

'You're so dead.'

She looked me up and down, narrowing her eyes. She didn't respond, but Geoff and Bridgette were too busy laughing at E-Scope to be bothered about us. So, petty arguing continued.

'I'll sue your two-bit show.'

'Kill yourself.'

She gasped at this, and I finally drew my attention away. "Ultimately, it was Duncan that killed Izzy's chances when the two took to the stage." "Ooh, the drama. But ever the diva Izzy will be back for more! Our first guest has impersonated a grizzly, and was caught peeing in a pool. Currently number eight on the RCMP's most wanted... Izzy, A.K.A, Kaleidoscope!" Bridgette signalled to the door, but nobody came out.

Well, E-Scope didn't pick up on her signal. She was busy eating a cracker, watching the TV. Seconds later, she realized, and spoke, mouth full. "Ooh! Mm! I'm on TV!" She then proceeded to cough up the cracker crumbs. "Oh, oops. Cracker crumbs, you get back here!" She caught them all, mid-air, before taking some crackers and cheese, as well as a single grape, stuffing them in her shirt.

At that, she finally walked out onto the stage, waving to everybody. "E-Scope!" Bridgette and Geoff spoke unanimously, while she sat down next to me happily. "Yo, girl." "Hi, Lewis! Hi, Bridgette. Hi, Geoff. So glad to be here!" "So glad to have you! But, bummer about the show. Gotta be tough losing out on a million big ones." "Yeah, well... You would know." Geoff and Bridgette frowned, the audience gasped, pretty negative reaction all around. I laughed at it, though. "Oh my gosh, hi, you guys!" E-Scope was happily waving to the peanut gallery. Katie and Sadie were the first to wave back. "Hi, Izzy!" "Wait, oh my gosh, all of Team E-Scope are here! Isn't that so cool, guys?!" I glanced at Noah and Eva, who returned the look to me. I can't say I wasn't unhappy with realizing that. The audience cheered at this mention, while she went on an entire rant. 

"Hi, everyone out there in TV land! Graham Cracker! That's my old boyfriend Graham! He got a restraining order against me last year. Remember that, Graham? So funny. Okay. We were in the courtroom and the judge was all like, 'You cannot come within two hundred meters of the plaintiff or you shall suffer the consequences of this courtroom.' Ha-ha! The long distance was hard, but we made it work. By the way, Graham, you should get new blinds for your room. What are they made of, lead? I couldn't see a thing with my binoculars! Ha-ha! Miss you, Graham Cracker! I am totally into crackers right now. They're just so flaky! Ha-ha."

She put another cracker into her mouth, and began to chew on it. "Kind of like someone we know." Geoff quickly cleared his throat, and began to interrogate both of us. E-Scope was first, though, 'cause she was the guest. "So, Izzy. How did it feel to be the first one voted off the show?" Me and E-Scope glanced at each other, before laughing. She responded, giggling before she talked. "Ha-ha! I don't know, Geoff. How did it feel?" I snickered again, sighing as I rested back on the sofa.

Bridgette whispered to Geoff, most likely the fact that they were the first ones voted off. "Was it disappointing?" I tilted my head. E-Scope continued. "Humiliating?" "Was it a sobering experience, Geoff?" I finished off, smirking. He wasn't the smartest. "Sure, it was disappointing, I mean... it's like you got dreams for all this money, and... wait- hey, man! I'm supposed to be asking the questions!" E-Scope nodded, and put a hand on her chest. "My life is an open book. Well, not yet, but it will be once I write it. And... you open the book. Ha-ha!" 

"What went through your head after being voted off?" "When you realize you're not getting a Gilded Chris award, well... I can't lie to you." She whined out of nowhere, and I turned my head, slightly surprised. "It hurts that much to remember?" I questioned. "Nah, I just can't lie to people. I was outfitted with a lie deterrent microchip that sends shockwaves at the first hint of dishonesty. That's a really nice top, Bridge." She was then shocked by her chip. I whispered to her. "Glad one of us said it." "I know, right? Crazy! Ha-ha!"

Courtney folded her arms, and spoke up. "Say something about Lewis' arm, then." I scowled at her, fairly annoyed. "Okay! Lewis, your arm is, like, super cool." I turned my head to her again, and nothing actually happened. I then smirked at Courtney, who wasn't very happy with the result. "Say something about Courtney." "She's... uh... nice...?" To nobody's surprise, she got zapped.

"Okay...? So, what exactly did losing out on the Gilded Chris mean to you?" "It means I missed out on that buttery chocolate statuette. Ooh! I once took an art class, sculpting chocolate nudes, my instructor said I had a real flare for cocoa. OW! Okay, okay, okay! He said I was totally loco. Ha-ha! That's what he actually said." "Well, I think it's time we play a little game called 'Truth, or Hammer'!" The audience cheered, and I raised a brow. "Truth or...?"

"Ha-ha, yup! Works like this. We ask you a question, and if you get the wrong answer, a huge hammer will swing down, and knock you clear outta your chair! Hahaha! Cool?" "If my implant doesn't get me, the hammer will! Haha!" I looked down at my phone for a second, to see that all of my notes for the Aftermath show had been completely disregarded by Geoff, 'cause apparently, he was 'host'. 

"Uh, I didn't approve of-" "Should we give it a test run?" Both me and E-Scope quickly dodged it, although it was more of an old reflex for me. "Dude!" "Ha! Missed us!" With a sigh, I sat back down, and E-Scope just jumped over the chair, so she sat next to me again. "Nice one, guys! Bridge? A question for Izzy, please?" "Uh, yeah, okay. Season two started off so well for you. Where'd things go wrong?" "I think it was when... I turned down that secret alliance with Chef." While Geoff and Bridgette flinched back, I wasn't too concerned.

After realizing the hammer hadn't swung down, both of them sat back up normally. "You mean... Chef actually tried to form a secret alliance with you?" "Uh-huh! He said he'd help me win this thing if I shared the money with him." I nodded in agreement. "Yeah. He's been trying to get a few people. Nameless, obviously. All denied service." "Huh? Aw, wait, I think we've got a never-before-seen clip! Awesome!"

Oh, shoot.

"I'll help you man up, and win this thing. We split the prize money fifty-fifty." Of course, E-Scope didn't like that. She kicked him back, laughing, while an intern watched, scared. "I don't think so! Ha-ha!"

"Woah!" "I can't believe Chef did that!" "Awesome impact, ooh!" They then replayed the clip several times, circling part of the video in red marker where the direct impact was. "Check it." They then zoomed in on the scared intern's face. "Oh, look at that poor guy!" "Dude thinks he's next, ha-ha!" The audience laughed at this, although it wasn't that funny.

"Hey, I would never hurt that intern!" I stood up, as E-Scope did a flip to avoid the hammer. We both did, luckily. "Woah! Ha, nearly got me that time!" Once again, we both sat down. However, I noticed the exact intern was watching from backstage, and he was actually scared off by how E-Scope was lying about hurting him.

"So, then what happened?" "Well, my guess is that Chef went and made a demon deal with DJ. Yeah, I think Chef threw the acting challenge with Duncan so DJ's team won and I lost. But, hey, what do I know?" I elbowed E-Scope, although she didn't seem to get the hint. "A lot, apparently..." "Hm. Let's hear the gossip from Lewis, now!"

"Uh, sure. Fire away." I waved my hand in dismissal, although I was slightly cautious. Y'know, just in case. "What's it like living with Chris and Chef 24/7, dude? Must be tough for you, man." I was slightly insulted by that. So, I proved him wrong.

"Um, no. It's actually not. I mean, yeah, sure, Chris is an egotistical, sadistic brutalist, but that doesn't mean he wasn't there for me since day one. And, okay, fine, Chef's a hard-hearted, intimidating war veteran, but he's also gentle, and protective. He makes sure nothing bad happens to us, like, all the time! You might not realise it, but they both get worried about you guys. Like... when Chris left Duncan, Gwen, Heather and Owen on that island, they did have some concern about what happened."

I'm not lying to you, they genuinely didn't believe me. And, oh, would you look at that, nothing happened. "Aw, that is so sweet!" "Yeah. I really shouldn't be saying anything, but I don't really care." "Cool. Let's hear from a viewer now. Gluepunks350 asks, 'Do you think DJ will get busted?'" It seems like the question was directed towards me. "Well, I guess if you're talking about DJ singularly, I completely believe that he will. But, since Chef's pairing with him, I'm not too sure. It's like Russian Roulette with a duo like that."

"Nice, nice. Should we move onto Trent?" E-Scope seemed fairly excited about that. "Yeah! Onto Trent!" The audience cheered very loudly, but they quickly died down for basically no reason, other than because Bridgette was talking. "Trent is such a stand-up guy. He did not deserve what happened, right?" Sadie agreed with her, a smile on her face. "Oh, totally not!" "And, it's all because of Gwen!" 

Both me and Geoff weren't happy about that. "Whoa, whoa!" "Whoa, back up, Bridge! Couples break up. It wasn't Gwen's fault." "Trent lost out on a million bucks because of Gwen." "Aha, so? Gwen went behind Trent's back and told his team to vote him off. That doesn't mean-" The audience gasped at this. I looked up for a second, but when I did, I gasped, and worriedly looked down. "Uh, Geoff...?" I pointed upwards at the large television. When he looked up to see what the big deal was, he saw that Trent was listening in on the entire conversation.

"Aw, man! Wha...? Are you kidding? Gwen did what?! This is a joke, right?!" I glanced over at the peanut gallery, who were just as concerned as me. I returned my gaze to Bridgette and Geoff, and they were pretty shocked. "Whoa. Did someone not tell the dude?! Oh, sorry, man." The TV switched off, and I sighed to myself. "Poor Trent." "How was I supposed to know?! Ha-ha. That was harsh. Tough break. Gwen may've asked Trent's team to vote him off, but dude was purposefully losing all their challenges. They would've done it anyway!"

Luckily, Geoff saved himself, due to the audience cheering at his argument. "Ha-ha. Maybe. But, Gwen stabbed Trent in the back, she dumped him, and told his team to vote him off the show to cover her own butt. That's low." Eva growled, and pounded her fist into her other palm. "Gwen should pay, and so should Trent!" "Hey, Trent isn't innocent in this. What about the time he kissed Heather? Gwen was totally wrecked, remember?" Sadie gasped, and put her hands on her hips angrily. "I remember! Trent totally cheated on Gwen first season."

"Well, that was Heather's fault. She tricked Trent into kissing her!" I argued back, folding my arms. "A dude hardly needs to be tricked into kissing the hottest chick on the show." Everybody, including me and the audience, gasped at that. Geoff didn't seem to know what he did wrong. "What?" "I cannot BELIEVE you just said Heather was the hottest girl on the show!" E-Scope ducked behind the sofa, as Bridgette stood up angrily.

I folded my arms, and rested one leg across the other, simply watching the display. "I mean, uh, he shouldn't have kissed her. Ugh, I wouldn't have. Ugh!" He glanced to the side to see E-Scope hiding, and me watching it, entertained. The audience found that hilarious. "It's the truth! You're super hot too, Bridge. You're sweet and caring, you know. Uh, just like Chris!" I gasped, and widened my arms at this. "Dude! My dad's sadistic, and Heather's a total cow!" "Yeah, Lewis is right, Geoff. That's just called being mean!" She pushed him off the sofa, and onto the floor. I flinched as he came close to my feet, and shifted slightly away. Geoff hit it with a thud, and nervously looked up at her. "Or, have you forgotten how awful they were to us first season?!"

I began to grow more anxious as I watched Bridgette get violent. The audience was chanting 'go' over the top of their argument. "H-Heather was like that with everyone!" "Oh! And yet, you still think she was the hottest chick on the show. Maybe you should be dating her!" Geoff then stood up with a grunt, and raised his voice at her, even raising a hand. "MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE WITH TRENT! YOU SURE ARE DEFENDING THE DUDE ENOUGH!" I widened my eyes, and nervously looked around, as their arguing continued to get louder. 

"Uh, did I show you guys that thing I can do with my eyelids?" E-Scope tried to calm them both down, although it didn't work. Bridgette frowned, and faced the camera. "I think it's time we take a break." Geoff didn't understand, and he began to yell louder. "OH, NOW YOU WANNA BREAK UP?! THAT'S JUST GREAT, BRIDGE!"

"I-I think she means... um... a break for ads...?" I nervously spoke, hesitating before I put a hand on Geoff's arm. He only huffed in response to this.

*

Since I was part of the crew, I got my own dressing room, but Jesus Christ, there was no way I was using that unless I really, really needed it.

The break helped me clear my thoughts, but not too much, 'cause there were fangirls, like, surrounding the studio. Mostly for Trent, surprisingly, since the breakup.

ANYWAY.

We got back on stage, and everything seemed fine.

E-Scope was sitting in between Bridgette and Geoff, who were both turned away from each other, and acting like children. I was sitting on the other sofa, waiting for Trent to get in here. "We're back! We're talking Gwen and Trent, with Geoff and Bridgette. Got a little side-tracked, but we're good now. Right, guys?" Geoff scoffed, and rolled his eyes. "Fine. Right, whatever." Bridgette sighed, and looked towards E-Scope. "Fine."

"Okay! Seems our lovebirds can't agree on anything. Bridgette's on...?" She proudly leaned towards E-Scope, and smirked at Geoff. "Team Trent." "And Geoff is on...?" "Team. Gwen. Woo. Hoo." He paused after every word. Bridgette glared, and raised a brow, while Geoff smirked at her. "So! We need help settling this little lover's quarrel. Thanks for all your texts and emails! Oh, and uh, feel free next time to use ESP. I'm psychotic, heh!"

I tilted my head. "Uh, E-Scope... don't you mean psychic?" "I don't think so. I'm pretty sure my therapist says 'psychotic'. Okay, heh. Should we check up on Trent first?" She questioned, turning her head to me. I nodded. "Let's do it." The TV turned on, and it turned out that Trent was hysterically sobbing over the whole 'Gwen' thing. 

I nearly had a relapse one time, and I never got that upset over it! ...Are breakups that bad?

The entire peanut gallery was quite disturbed over how much he was sobbing his little nine-shaped heart out. I looked over to Cody and Noah, and signalled upwards with my eyes, fairly shocked. They glanced at each other in disbelief, before we began speaking again.

"Uh...?" I nervously turned to E-Scope. She turned to me. I shrugged, but then suddenly, she got an idea. "Uh... how about a video? Okay, let's do that!" Bridgette raised her finger. "A look at Gwen and Trent's relationship. Check it out." She said those last three words quite angrily, and glared at Geoff. He rolled his eyes, and looked upwards, towards the screen.

Some harp played in the background while romantic clips of them both played. They obviously had to do voiceovers, or else it would've been boring. "Aw, young love... I remember what that was like." He said it, clearly directing it towards Bridgette. "Trent only had eyes for Gwen when he sang her a song at the talent show. What a sweetheart." "Aww!" Obviously, Katie and Sadie were the ones that did that.

Shockingly, Courtney did it, too. I mocked her. "Aww."

'Stop mocking me.'

'Lose an arm.'

'Lose your left!'

She stuck her tongue out at me, and I scowled again, pouting.

"Yeah. He was a real sweetheart, when Gwen was buried alive, and Trent forgot to dig her up!" The audience cheered at this. It was clear most of them were on Team Gwen, and agreed with Geoff. Bridgette had a quick rebuttal, however. "The beach incident was totally forgotten, until Heather came up with a plan to kiss Trent in front of Gwen." "Gwen was devastated." "So was Trent! Plus, Trent made it up to Gwen by supporting her in the final challenge."

"He ran alongside her, carrying a rock!" "It was sweet, and it won Gwen over. Didn't Cody also do that for you, Lewis? How'd you feel?" I was too busy silently arguing with Courtney to pay attention to them. "Don't bring us into it!" 

"Yeah, Bridge, it's nothing to do with them! Once on the film lot, Gwen and Trent's hook up didn't last long." "Forced onto opposite teams, the stress of the competition finally got to them." "You mean it finally got to Trent?" "Uh, so he got a little lovestruck? Gwen dumped him and told his team to vote him off!" "He was sabotaging his team's challenges! The Grips would've voted him off anyway! Dude did NOT deserve to win the million bucks, okay!?" They both stood up, and as soon as Bridgette made an attempt to claw at Geoff, E-Scope forced her back. 

"Okay, time to settle this. Either we talk, or we thumb wrestle." Geoff held up his thumb with a smirk, but Bridgette wasn't so eager. "Fine. Talk." The tensions between me and Courtney had grown so much that I was ready to push HER off the cliff this time. 

I shouldn't have thrown Beth, I should've thrown Courtney.

"Okay, so, we know how you two feel. Let's hear it from everyone else." Sadie raised her hand, and spoke up before anyone else. "At first, I was totally on Team Trent. I mean, poor guy! But, seeing that video reminded me of how devastated Gwen was when Trent kissed Heather." Katie put a hand on her hip. "You mean when Heather kissed Trent." Sadie scoffed, and rolled her eyes. "Same thing!" Katie raised a brow. "Uh, no? It's not? That's like saying, you got our fav blue swimsuit in the second grade before I did, when I got it first." "You did not!" "Did too!"

"I'm definitely on Team Gwen. She's hot, and I have her bra." I wasn't too bothered, but I was slightly surprised to hear he'd kept it after, like, a whole year. Even more surprised to see he didn't care about showing it on live television. "Ugh! You're such a perv, Cody." I quickly stood at Courtney's words, and was prepared to walk over there and fight her. Unfortunately, E-Scope held me back by the arm, and shook her head at me. "Anyway, I'm on Team Gwen. Not because I like her, or because Trent's a loser, by choice! It's because she totally insulted her."

I immediately gasped, and turned to E-Scope, furrowing my brows. After a second, she let go of my arm. "Okay, that was, like, totally uncalled for." "So was her overreaction to the way season one ended." That's when I realized she was trying to piss me off. "OKAY, THAT'S IT!" I stormed towards her.

*

[3rd Person P.O.V]

*

Since a fight had broke out between Lewis and Courtney, they decided to settle it backstage. By 'settle it', we mean they were going to have an actual fight, and beat each other up. That meant they were probably going to be gone for the rest of the episode.

"Uh... well- maybe we should bring out Trent now!" E-Scope promoted the idea, as the TV switched on, revealing the back room, where Trent was sobbing hysterically, and playing a guitar.

~ You went behind my back ~

~ In the worst kind of attack! ~

~ A-Aw, now you find me gone ~

~ I'm no longer your pawn! ~

The audience cheered at his small tune, as well as Ezekiel, which brought his attention to the camera that was recording him at that point. "Huh?" Bridgette proceeded to introduce him happily. "Our next guest was unceremoniously dumped by his girlfriend, and cheated out of a million bucks! Please welcome... Trent!" He stood up, and ran off-camera, towards the stage. After a few seconds of nothing, he came out, waving nervously to a large, cheering audience.

"We're live on the TDA Aftermath with Trent, everyone!" Trent walked past Izzy, and sat down on the sofa directly beside her. He was taking a more comfortable approach to his seating position, however. "Good to have you on the show, dude. Brutal about before." Geoff pointed towards Bridgette inconspicuously, but it was very much noticed. "Geoff is really sorry about what happened earlier." "It's cool. Wasn't his fault."

"So, what happened, Trent?" Bridgette asked, tilting her head questioningly. "Uhh... I'm not really sure! Things were going great until Gwen and I were split on different teams. Then she and Duncan started hanging out... then the competition set in..." Although, there was something else. When Bridgette tried to notify Trent of this, it didn't take long for him to get the hint. "You mean, how crazy things got?" "How crazy YOU got! Careful how you answer this, bro, 'cause a great, big hammer can come down, and knock you right outta your pants!" He laughed at this, but Trent didn't find it funny.

"Huh? Uh, I guess... somewhere, I decided Gwen was more important than the money." Geoff flinched away with a grin, but the hammer didn't come down on him. "Oh, come on! Where's that hammer?! It was a million bucks, dude!" Bridgette put her hands on her hips, and changed her tone to one much more serious. "WE gave up the million bucks!" Trent broke up their argument fairly fast. "I don't know, I guess I just... lost my game." He sighed, and continued to talk. "Really let my team down. Sorry, Grips."

"I gotta ask you about the whole number nine thing, dude. Check it out." The TV switched on again, to reveal Gwen and Duncan watching Trent, horrified at the way he was counting things nine times.

"Nine moats, nine flags... ahahaha! Nine wicked jam rooms!"

"Four letters in your name, five letters in Trent's. Put 'em together, and you get..."

"NINE! Oh, no, he can't be doing everything nine times just for me!"

Trent was disgusted to watch this. In fact, he was hurt at Duncan's betrayal. "Aw, dudes, this is so not where my lucky number nine comes from!" Geoff and Bridgette were surprised to hear this. They spoke unanimously, questioning him further. "It's not? Where'd it come from?" "Ugh, Duncan, that idiot! Dude sure knows how to play the game. The number nine thing has nothing to do with Gwen. I had this toy train my grandad gave me as a kid, right before he died. One of the wheels fell off, so there were only nine, and I was super devastated. So, to make me feel better, my mom told me nine was now my lucky number."

The audience found that news heart warming, and Katie and Sadie were in tears over it. "Oh, I am so on Team Trent!" "Me too!" In response to the overall support, the audience cheered happily, and encouraged everybody to be on Team Trent. "I knew Duncan was up to something!" The TV changed its scenery to an image of Gwen's shocked face. "Hoho! See how mortified Gwen is? Well, this is what she's gonna look like when she learns the truth." Bridgette drew on two shocked eyes with red marker.

"We've got a lot of emails here. Snowgirl writes, 'Trent, what kind of girl are you into?'. Oh!" "It was a girl like Gwen. Guess I'm gonna have to find a new type." Sadie and Katie went crazy over this new opportunity to be with Trent. "Oh, me, Trent!" "No, me, Trent!" Geoff shut the craze down before it had started, though. "Sorry, girls. But, it's time to check in on our webcams. We've got Ginger from Sudbury! What's up, Ginger?"

The webcam switched on to reveal that Ginger was, well, your average ginger girl from 2009. Pale, freckles, glasses on, absolute neek... "Trent! I'd love it if you went psycho crazy over me! Hahaha!" Trent felt very uncomfortable hearing those words come from an actual person. "There you go, another admirer." "Uh... yeah." "Thanks, Ginger! We've also got Steve the... Yeti? From, Vancouver!" They were pretty confused at first.

Geoff was then incredibly entertained to see an actual yeti. "Oh, man! Hahaha! How's it going, dude?" "Chris McLean is the best host ever!" At this point, it was audibly clear that it was actually Chris in the costume. "How'd you get your own show?! You stink!" "Yo, Chris! If I wanted to take a hot tub by myself, I- Ooh, you on the webcam?"

Despite it being obvious, Bridgette and Geoff still acted surprised when they realized that it was actually Chris. "CHRIS!?" Chef stepped in front of Chris, and warned the entire studio of Izzy's antics. "Don't believe a word Izzy says. Girl's crazy." The webcam switched off, as Trent glanced over to Izzy, who shrugged, clearly uncaring.

"Should we have told him?" Bridgette quietly questioned Geoff. "Nah. If we get those two on camera fighting, it'll be prime comedy." "Uh...huh." "Ah-! And, we've got a call! Hello?" The voice on the other end of the phone was very angry about something, clearly. "Gwen and Trent stink! Go, Team Eva!" Bridgette was in disbelief over this caller. "You're on Team Eva? Why?" "Eva should've won the hundred grand. And, I'll pound anyone who even-" "EVA!" Just like Chris, Eva's disguised voice faltered, and it gave her away. She shut the phone angrily, sitting back up normally.

"Oh! Speaking of getting pounded, it's time for... 'That's Gonna Leave A Mark!'"

These were all clips of the contestants getting injured in some way, shape, or form. First it was Duncan, having a stage light fall on his head, then it was Duncan again, getting crushed under the foot of the giant animatronic monster. After that, it was Beth, accidentally roping her ankles together, and falling over, followed by Chef slipping over in the alien set, and injuring himself. Each one of these clips was paired with a joke from Geoff. 

Geoff was creasing with laughter. He wiped a tear before speaking. "Aw, that was brutal!" Trent held up his guitar, and questioned the two hosts. "Do you guys think I could sing a song? It's something I wrote after Gwen and I broke up." "Aw, for sure, Trent!"

~ You ripped my heart out of my soul ~

~ You never text me back anymore ~

It was only two lines into the song, and Sadie was sobbing over the lyrics.

~ Now, I remember the nights we stared into the sky ~

~ But now you make me feel like dirt ~

~ And though I never told you that summer, girl ~

It only took up to this point for Bridgette and Geoff to silently forgive each other, and hug happily. Surprisingly, Trent's breakup songs were reaching the hearts of many strained couples.

~ You were my entire world ~

~ But now, you're gone. ~

That, strangely, was awarded an incredibly loud round of applause from the audience. It even convinced Bridgette and Geoff to apologize, and not just forgive. "Bridge, I'm sorry about all that stuff with Heather. I think you're the hottest girl on the... on the planet!" Geoff expressed his love, widening his arms. Bridgette gently put a hand on his chest, and responded. "Oh, right back at ya! I mean, you're hot, too."

Trent sighed as he watched them embrace each other. "You guys are lucky you've got such a healthy, well-balanced-" He was interrupted when he looked up to discover they were making out, right in front of everyone. "...Relationship..." Izzy found this quite entertaining, and since Bridgette and Geoff weren't... 'present' to do the outro, she did it, instead. 

"Could we get that hammer out here? I guess that's a wrap, then. Geoff and Bridgette will see you next time!" "If they don't get fired. Dude!" They were still making out, but made quick breaks in their romance to do the ACTUAL outro to the first Aftermath episode. "Mm! We've got a huge season coming up." "Which means, we'll be coming to you live for the next Aftermath!" "Mwah! Don't forget to join Chris next time, for the most dramatically filling episode of Total... Drama... Mm!" "Accione!" 

*

[Lewis' P.O.V]

*

"Listen, I get that she said some rude things, but Lewis, you can't just fight whoever you want when they make you frustrated!" Dad continued to lecture me. I had no intention of making buddies with Courtney, but I was still listening to what he was saying. "She called my boyfriend a perv, and purposefully misgendered me, on live television." "Yeah, I get that, but you understand my point, right?" I paused, considering what choice I actually had. "I... guess so."

"I didn't want to do this, but you give me no choice." I glanced at him questioningly. "Do... what?" "I can't risk another outburst like that, so I forbid you to go on the Aftermath show again." "What?! Dad, it wasn't an outburst! It was literally her fault!" "You know, you're proving my point right now. I'm only doing it to protect you." "This has got to be a joke." I folded my arms angrily. "It's not. Go to bed, Lewis."

I scoffed, and walked off.

This is literally so unfair. It's like he wants to stop me from seeing my friends. Y'know, the ones that were actually there for me when I was in hospital! I can't believe his shit right now...

Chapter Text

"Crime. Right up your alley, huh?" I questioned, tilting my head. "Is that another attack against my previous actions?" He responded to me. "Yes. Yes, it is. I don't get why we have to lock 'em in their trailers, though..." I spoke, backing away from the boys' one, key in hand. "Well, at first, I was gonna try a new approach to the challenge, but then I thought it'd just be funnier if I wait for them to charge the door."

"And... I'm guessing you unlock it before they break it down?" It was actually pretty obvious what the answer to that was. I mean, that would be kinda funny. "That is right."

/// Harold ///

"Rule number one. Do not wake Owen's beast within first thing in the morning."

/// End ///

They were being so loud I could hear them through the metal walls. That wasn't just the boys, actually. The girls were arguing, too. I guess that the arguments weren't exclusive to my first night's stay, then. But, since Dad wanted to change into his 'outfit' for the challenge, I was keeping an eye on the whole situation with them breaking down the door.

It was actually boring. Even with everybody's strength combined, they were having some amount of trouble doing anything related to damaging the door. 

/// Gwen ///

"Ever since the whole awful Trent thing went down, I've just been waiting for karma to bite me in the butt. But, what could I do? He was my weakness. My Achilles' heel! We all have one. And luckily, Heather has a whole bunch of useful ones. Glittery objects, new hair products, shameless flattery..."

/// End ///

"Huh. I wonder if they're actually doing anything in there." I put a hand to my chin as it got suspiciously quiet. However, that's when I heard yelling coming from inside the boy's trailer. "Ah. Guess I jinxed it. Oh, well." I walked up and unlocked the door, opening it to be met with every single one of the boys to come flying out. 

I turned around to find the girls had come out of their trailer, too. "Nice going. I didn't even notice you. Which, considering today's challenge, will prove to be extremely useful." "What kind of riddle is THAT supposed to be?" Heather glared at me, which, to be honest, didn't faze me. "Hope you all enjoyed your first taste of the gulag!" Dad came back, all dressed up like a police officer.

Lindsay, however, was incredibly confused. "Gulag? I didn't get any gulag!" "Well, prepare for it to get a whole lot worse. Because today is... prison flick day!" We were both met with many, many sighs and complaints from each contestant. A bit ungrateful, if you ask me, but whatever they want to think. "Lovely. At least we've got the only actual ex-con on our team." Heather was referencing Duncan, which he wasn't at all pleased about. "It was only juvenile detention, don't get too excited."

Out of nowhere, my dad went on an entire rant about prison. "Ah, prison... The confinement. The claustrophobia. The vile, nasty food. And, you're always looking over your shoulder, 'cause Mr. Killer Dude wants to cut ya for taking the last tater to! And no mater how hard you try, digging out spoonfuls of dirt, year after year, there's no escape! Unless you get voted off, of course." I glanced at him, slightly concerned. "That sounds like a personal experience..."

/// Harold ///

"Talk about overkill. This place is plenty prison-like already. Not that I'm complaining. I mean, I should probably be locked up for the ladies' sake anyways."

/// End ///

We'd moved over to the actual set, where it was designed to look like a prison. It was made strangely accurately, for someone who'd never even seen a prison flick before. I was talking about my dad. I've seen a prison flick, they're nothing like this.

"Lockdown, people! Let's get this challenge started! Teams, take a prisoner from the competition. And, Chef- I mean... Warden... lock 'em up." Apparently for this challenge, Chef was going by Warden. I mean, I'm totally respective of names, but he's not a warden. He's a chef. While the two teams were talking amongst each other, I was busy on my phone, trying to get through as much fan mail as I could.

I didn't realize turning my phone off for a week could have such... well, I don't want to say 'consequences', but I'm getting a lot of notifications from me-crazy girls, and it's really annoying. I don't know why, but they want something called, like, 'fitless pics' of me. No clue what that is.

"Choices? Gaffers?" Dad asked, turning his head to the Gaffers. "Lindsay!" Heather confidently said, pointing towards Lindsay. The shame was, she thought it was a prize. "Yay! I win!" "Uh... huh." I spoke slowly, glancing up from my phone, before returning my focus back down on the latter. My dad then turned his head towards the Grips. "Grips? Now, remember, this is an important choice. Especially for perennial losers, like yourselves."

Beth seemed rather confident with her choice. That made me incredibly suspicious, just from her tone. "Oh, we shouldn't have any trouble beating... Gwen." Ah. I see her confidence, then. They're making her pay back the favour she owed. Gwen, in response to this, gulped nervously. "Today's first game is... the prison chow-llenge!" He pulled a cloth off of this big box to reveal that the box was actually full to the brim of stuff he'd just ripped out of compost. "Each team of prison chefs whips up the foulest, nastiest, most barf-inducing slop this side of Alcatraz. Gwen and Lindsay have to stomach as much as they can. Last one to power-hurl, wins!"

"I- I can't! I'm innocent, I tell you! Innocent!" Both Gwen and Lindsay were forced into cages, which I thought was a little unorthodox, but hey, I'm not hosting. "That's what they all say."

/// Gwen ///

"I know I owe the the Grips because of Trent's cheating, but even if we forget Lindsay's shampoo incident, last night, she nearly hurled because Leshawna's gums smelled too 'minty fresh'. How am I gonna puke before that?!"

/// End ///

We hadn't even started the challenge yet, and Lindsay was retching. "Gross. Oh, no." Gwen sighed, and frowned. "That reward better be worth it." Dad simply responded with: "Have I ever let you down?" I glanced at him with uncertainty, which gave him the answer. "You know what? Scratch that. Anyway, the winning team gets this!" He held up a golden shovel. I was just as confused as everyone else. "Uh... what are they gonna do with a shovel?"

/// Harold ///

"Everybody knows that more wards have been won with a shovel than with a sword. Give a man a hole, and what does he have? Nothing. But, give a man a shovel, and he can dig a hole to contain that nothing."

/// End ///

"Prisoners ready? And... culminate!" Literally, the fastest I have ever seen a group of people rush to touch something disgusting. Duncan went straight for the roaches, which didn't surprise me, since he tried to hack one in half with an axe first episode of Total Drama Island. Harold had found a can of, like, tuna or something from somewhere, because we had obviously not been offering that up as an option, but, whatever. He also put some other gross stuff in too, which, to be fair, Leshawna was horrified by.

"WHERE do you even get these things?!" She said, wide-eyed, walking up to the table. "Yeah, where did you get those things, Dad?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes, but he completely dodged the question, and whistled innocently as if he did nothing wrong. "They're obviously imported. Gosh!" Harold rolled his eyes as he walked off, followed by Leshawna. 

While DJ was doing something to his team's disgusting concoction, I'd have to say that the Grips' pot of death was certainly the grosser out of the two. I mean, it had clumps of Beth's hair, her god damn retainer, which, by the way was super gross, not to mention Owen's... 'addition', which I can only say came from his hair. 

/// Lewis ///

"Alright. There's gotta be a law against doing this, or something..."

/// End ///

Dad was finding this absolutely hilarious and entertaining. He was literally making things worse for both Lindsay and Gwen, psychologically speaking. Just to see the looks on their faces. I wasn't as enthusiastic. "Time's up! And, jailbirds, hope your appetites are primed!" Justin approached Gwen with the Grips' bowl, while Harold approached Lindsay with the Gaffers' bowl. Both were feeling equally sadistic about it.

"Feeling queasy?" "We have the braised horse lips with the goat brains fricassee, and the fish gut reduction, topped off, of course, with the toenail clippings. Bon appétit." He held the bowl up in her face, much o her disgust. "Horse lips are low fat and low carb, right?" I subtly shook my head at Lindsay, much to her concern, although Dad was getting real serious with it.

"Are you maggots ready?! One minute to down that chow! And... dig in!" Both Gwen and Lindsay began to dig into their bowls, although it was clear Gwen was having a much worse time than Lindsay was.

/// Gwen ///

"I was trying to imagine every horrifying, barf-worthy thing I could. Drinking the janitor's mop water. The time my brother puked on my neck on the Tilt-a-Whirl. When I was babysitting, and the dog ate the kid's diapers, then licked my face. But... nothing was working!"

/// End ///

Lindsay hesitantly took a bite of hers, only to find that it was, unusually, good. "Wow. That's... delicious!" I glanced to the side to discover that DJ had nodded at her words. I raised a brow, and continued to watch Lindsay, who continued to enjoy the food. "It's like I'm eating an angel's wings!" Like, not even a second later, she stuffed the entire bowl into her face. Which, in turn, caused the Gaffers to recoil in a mixture of disgust and horror.

To be honest with you... it wasn't a shock because of what she did. It was a shock because it was Lindsay that did it.

I mean, I wasn't really paying attention to the rest of the whole ordeal, because I was busy daydreaming, but I can pick out some main events. Gwen retched up Beth's retainer, which Beth grabbed, and put it back in her gums, causing Lindsay to vomit, and the Grips lost the challenge. Also meaning the Gaffers got the weird-looking shovel. Lindsay also vomited all over Gwen, which was, in reality, absolutely disgusting, but only she seemed to think so.

"Aw, don't worry, Gwen. You and the Gaffers have the golden shovel. They'll be thanking you in the elimination challenge!" She took a few steps outside of the cage, and Lindsay approached her, wiping her mouth. I think they were talking about the Grips and Gwen's secret arrangement, because they were both keeping their voices down, and the Gaffers had gotten suspicious all of a sudden.

"What were you and Lindsay just talking about?" Heather questioned, narrowing her eyes. Gwen approached her, speaking sarcastically. "The weather. Windy and cold, with an eighty percent chance of barf." She proceeded to flick a small chunk a vomit into Heather's face, which only raised her suspicions, as Gwen walked off. "You're up to something, and I am finding out what!"

Seeing as there was nothing else to do... Well, actually, there was, but I didn't wanna help.

Anyway.

Seeing as there was NOTHING else to do, I decided to eavesdrop, like normal. Mainly the conversation between DJ and Chef. If there was going to be anything illegal going on, I wanted to know the details. "Chef, sir! Did you see that challenge? You were right, Chef. Pride is everything. Thank you." 

Wow. For once, I cannot defend anything DJ is saying. 

"You've learned nothing!" "B-B-But pride, Chef!" "Pride?! Pride and two bucks will get you a cup of coffee! What a man really needs is loyalty." "And coffee." I did not mean to say that in the moment, but I did, and that was... well, that. At that point, it felt like DJ was freaking out about getting caught more than Chef was. "W-We weren't talking about any secret alliance!" I raised a brow at this. "Uh... I already... knew? I'm not telling Dad, or anything."

"Good. Now, as I was saying... if it wasn't for Beth's disgusting retainer thing, you could've blown it for the whole team!" "Oh. Uh... wow." "I was once like you. Young, weird... kinda ugly. But, you've got a gift. Now own it. Don't let it go to waste, like I did. Meet me in the kitchen after the challenge. You're on permanent KP duty, soldier." While Chef walked off, me and DJ glanced at each other. He didn't look like he knew what KP duty was. "Kitchen patrol." I quickly answered for him.

/// DJ ///

"Who knew Chef was such a softie? But, I can't argue with the man. I got the gift. More spice! I love my mama..."

/// End ///

We had all moved outside to where these two laundry baskets were, and they were full to the brim with dirty laundry. I swear those were, like, only used in musicals and stuff, and people never actually used those when people came to collect laundry. But, I may have been wrong, because they exist in prisons, according to Dad.

"Elimination challenge! Here we go! No get-out-of-jail-free cards here, people. This is Escape from Total Drama Pen. Each team must hop into their laundry carts, while one member pushes through the obstacle course to freedom. When you reach the wall, get digging. First team to reach the boxcar to freedom wins immunity. Convicts, select a pusher." Almost instantly, DJ raised his hand. It felt like he was being TOO enthusiastic. "I'll do it!"

"Uh... DJ, are you sure?" I questioned him, raising a brow. Gwen began to agree with me. "You sure you can handle the pressure? Everything and everyone is riding on this. But, if you like being the one who could lose us the whole thing..." I continued for her. "And... making a certain someone angry..." Heather immediately became suspicious again, and turned her head to DJ, angrily.

Almost immediately, he seemed less confident than before. He sighed in defeat, and wiped some sweat from his forehead. "I should probably lie down." He then proceeded to jump into the cart before anyone else, as Gwen shrugged, and walked towards the cart. "It's okay, DJ. I'll do it." It was obvious that she was winking at the Grips, and it looked like only me and Heather had noticed this. I knew that because she leant in and whispered to me. "That girl is seriously sketchy. I, for one, refuse to trust her. I'll owe you one if you tell me what's going on..." I shrugged, and shook my head. "I don't take bribes."

Leshawna raised a brow as she raised her voice at Heather. "I trust anyone more than I trust you. Now, get up in that cart, and shut it, Miss Sourpuss Imma-vote-you-off-next." She walked past us, and was followed by Duncan. "Seriously, Heather. Shut it."

/// Lewis ///

"For once, I actually felt bad for Heather! I mean, last season, she had everyone and everything wrapped around her finger. But, this season, everybody's up to code, and nobody trusts her! Even when she's telling the truth about something suspicious... That is going to be a problem. A problem... that I need to fix."

/// End ///

"Hey, uh, guys? I know Heather's, like, not been the best to you, but..." I began, glancing towards Heather. She was signalling for me to continue, since she couldn't get through to them. "But... as a co-host of the show, I do think something suspicious is going on with Gwen." Unfortunately, I didn't seem to get through to them either. They had completely ignored me, and even had the gall to send glares my way. I scoffed, and crossed my arms at this. "Get used to it, pretty boy." Heather stated, as she climbed in the laundry cart last.

Pretty boy? Excuse me? The flirting's a joke. Maybe she's actually falling through and joining in on the joke...? Her tone didn't feel like that, though. Might just be me, like, overthinking things. Again.

"This is it, teams. On your marks... get set... escape!" Immediately, Gwen raced off, practically leaving the Grips in the dust. To be honest, it was a pretty bad choice of Justin's to make Lindsay push. She's unathletic, skinny, and overall, forgive me for my blunt attitude, but very stupid. She couldn't figure out how to get faster if an instruction booklet slapped her in the face.

I was keeping track of the teams while Dad was waiting at the boxcar to see who came first. Heather was getting hit with several objects, while Lindsay hadn't even moved the laundry cart a centimetre. Justin tried to encourage her, although it wasn't working very well. "Pump those foxy legs. Come on, pump!" "Do you know how much you and Omar weigh? I'm doing my best!" She was speaking through panted breaths, although nobody really seemed to care. So, Beth decided now would be the appropriate time for a distraction.

"Wow, Gwen! You're going even faster than Trent ever could!" Literally seconds later, Gwen skid to a stop in a panic, widening her eyes at the Grips. Heather didn't seem to understand why she'd stopped, although that didn't mean she wasn't suspicious. "Is there a problem, Gwen?" Surprisingly, Lindsay had managed to get the cart moving, even rushing past the Gaffers, which only made Heather more suspicious, which was not a good case for Gwen. "I demand an explanation! Why have we stopped?!"

Gwen had to come up with an excuse right there on the spot. "Oh! Ooh, cramps! Cramps, agh!" To this, I had literally no suspicions. Cramps were a girl's worst enemy. I'm glad I have medications for those. Sucks for Gwen, though. Heather, on the other hand, did not drop her suspicions.  "Were they talking about Trent?! The guy you were so over? The same guy who happened to get voted off last time? Coincidence? Or did you and the Grips cut a deal?"

I couldn't let Gwen get figured out, but I also wanted to support Heather. So, i just went with defending Gwen until I couldn't anymore. Which, given the evidence, would be very soon. "Ha-ha-ha! Heather, girl, don't be ridiculous! Gwen's got cramps! They suck, for real." I nervously intercepted their conversation, while Heather didn't seem to be convinced. "Oh, please. I give you both serious props for the nefarious scheme. But if it's true, Gwen is such a goner." Luckily, Duncan jumped to our defence, too. "If she's got a cramp, she's got a cramp. We humans get them."

"I have JUST the thing for cramps! Now get pushing!" Heather ordered, while Gwen nervously glanced at me, before continuing to push the cart. Lindsay was having the hardest time pushing, although she was getting ahead, while the other Grips loved the wind in their faces. However, she was trying so hard that she didn't seem to understand she was heading directly for a concrete wall. 

"Lindsay..." Beth tried to get her attention. It didn't work. Justin opened his eyes, and worriedly saw the direction they were heading in. "Lindsay?" She still wasn't paying attention to her surroundings. In reaction to this, Justin and Beth latched onto each other and yelled. "LINDSAY!" Finally, they managed to get her attention, and she skid to a stop just in time for the wall to only barely touch Owen's head. Somehow, this startled him enough to wake him up. "Wha-huh!? Oh, I was having this terrible dream where I was on this show, and we were in prison, and we had to-" 

Unfortunately, that wasn't a dream, Owen.

"Aw, nuts. Uh- beer... nuts." Beth angrily held a spoon up to his face, and raised her voice at him. "Get digging, Sleepy McBumberhead!" Gwen and her team had only just made it to the wall at this point, and they had climbed out just in time to start digging at the same time as the Grips. Leshawna jumped out, holding the shovel, and ran up to the hole enthusiastically. "Someone's dirt's in my hole! I'm gonna get it out!"

With a sigh of relief, I made my way over to the boxcar, and sat down beside my dad. "I'm surprised. They're not normally this chaotic." I spoke, taking a quick breather. He didn't seem to hear me. Either that, or he was focused on something else. I didn't want to ask, but I wanted to know. "Uh... Dad?" Strangely, that seemed to get his attention more than my attempt at a conversation. "What? Oh, uh, not right now, Lewis. I'm busy."

Busy with... what... exactly? You're literally just sitting here with...

Chef came up too, and he was just leaning up against the boxcar instead of actually sittting in it like we were. That's about when Dad started talking. "So, you ever seen that prison flick? The one, with the guy in it?"

Oh! Oh, hohoho... Dad's got a crush on Chef! And he wants to ask him ouuut, on a daaaate!

(forgive me, i'm like, the biggest chref shipper out there)

I signalled for Dad to keep talking, and he noticed it, but he kinda made it awkward. "You know, the guy... with the face?" I facepalmed with a quiet groan, while Chef shrugged. This stressed Dad out, and he started nervously kicking his legs. "So... you doing anything after work? We could always rent a..." That's about the time Chef looked away from us, completely uninterested. That only made Dad freak out more. "...Or not... I was... busy... anyway. Very busy- just throwing it out there..."

With a roll of his eyes, Chef walked off, and left me and Dad. Almost immediately, I began to speak. "The guy... with the... face." I questioned, in a mix of disbelief and sarcasm. "You know, um... the film... with the two guys?" Dad was still super nervous, but that was probably 'cause of the rejection he'd just faced from his own husband.

(yup. chris + chef are married in this story. because same-sex marriage in canada was legalised in 2005. they are 4 years married ^^)

"Wow. That helps. Dad, seriously, what movie are you on about?" I raised a brow. I wasn't typically the curious kind when it came to media. But, I wanted to get to the bottom of this, 'cause it had something to do with my dad's relationship, clearly. "The... one with Andy and Red in it?"

At that point, I understood what film he was talking about. I'm sure you can understand which one, too. The whole reason I found that adorable was because my dad and Chef were in the same cinema, watching the same film when they first met. Obviously, they were friends back then. I met him too, but, like, I was super young. 

1998, if I remember correctly... I was 5 years old, and it was around autumn. It was just me and Dad at that point.

*

[3rd Person P.O.V]

*

Lindsay, Owen and Beth were doing all the digging with their crappy spoons, while Justin was sitting back, relaxing. "Justin, I can hear them way ahead of us!" Lindsay warned him, however he did not seem concerned at all. "Chill. Gwen's throwing the game, remember?" "Oh, right!" She chuckled, before continuing to speak. "I keep forgetting." Justin admired himself in the reflection of his spoon, like he would with a mirror. "Heh, yeah. Okay? What do you say we ratchet this operation back a notch, huh?"

With the Gaffers, Leshawna was doing all the digging, while the rest of them sat behind her and watched. However, Harold was the only one cheering her on. "Yeah, alright! Now that's what I'm talking about." Heather folded her arms, and smirked at the display in front of her. "I'm starting to like our chances..." Gwen worriedly put a hand to her chin, thinking, before grinning. She had clearly come up with an idea.

"OH! MY CLAUSTROPHOBIA! THE WALLS, THEY'RE CLOSING IN! I'M LIKE A CAGED ANIMAL, MAN! I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER SEC OF- AAAHHH!" She grabbed the shovel from Leshawna, and slammed Harold over the top of the head with it, while screaming. This broke it in half, rendering it practically useless, and a pile of trash. But, that's what cheap metal gets you. 

/// Lewis ///

"Woah."

/// End ///

/// Harold ///

"Classic prison madness. And, that shovel thing? Heck, everyone knows that the first day of prison means you gotta break something over some big dude's back. Then, nobody messes with you. I'm kinda scared of Gwen now. And... kinda attracted to her? I mean- Don't tell Leshawna! O-Or Heather! Or Gwen!"

/// End ///

All of a sudden, DJ decided to get inspirational. "Team. We're the Screaming Gaffers. And, we're gonna win, even if we have to dig with our bare hands! Even if we have to eat our way out!" He held up his jar of his mama's spice, and immediately convinced Leshawna to get confident, too. "Danger boy, toothpick, soul patch, puke breath, mama boy is right. Let's get our dig on!"

However, a large tremble came from inside the tunnel. Everyone anxiously turned their heads to the noise, only to discover that it was Izzy, wearing a camo hat, and some fake buck teeth. "Kaleidoscope!?" Izzy immediately yelped like a prairie dog, and Duncan had no doubts about the identity of the ginger girl in front of them. "Yep. I'd say that's her." "Yeah, I've been living underground amongst the prairie dogs!"

A prairie dog emerged from behind her hand, and raised a fist at the contestants, snarling and squeaking angrily. "Aw, Butchie, it's okay! These are my friends." Heather raised a hand, and spoke, clearly not convinced by the word, 'friends'. "You were a Killer Grip. One of our sworn enemies?" "Friends, enemies, y'know, living down here, it changes, like, your whole perspective! Follow me, guys, I know a shortcut to the finish line!"

Gwen worriedly looked at Izzy, concerned about her words. "A... shortcut?" Heather, on the other hand, took the chance to tease and get Gwen even more anxious. "Isn't it great, Gwen? We're totally going to win, Gwen."

/// Gwen ///

"What choice did I have?! If my team knew the truth, I'd be toast!"

/// End ///

Izzy was guiding the Gaffers through the underground tunnels, while rambling on about her life with the prairie dogs. "And of course, I became second in command prairie dog, which meant I shared all the prairie dog council meetings, and- oh! Oh! Here we are!" All of a sudden, Leshawna seemed quite enthusiastic to leave Izzy's side. "Ooh, let me outta this hole!"

She climbed upwards, and pushed a rock out of the way of the exit, only to discover that the Killer Grips had beaten them to the finish line, and were happily cheering. "Aww, heck no!"

*

[Lewis' P.O.V]

*

Somehow, but not really hard to guess why, the Killer Grips won. Also, E-Scope was back, and she was living... underground. With some prairie dogs. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong here, but aren't prairie dogs, like, really violent with humans if they invade their territories?

"We won, we won! Hahaha!" E-Scope was cheering for her team, even though technically she wasn't in the competition anymore. I can't blame her though. It's something I'm sure a lot of people would do if they were anything like E-Scope. "...We?" Leshawna was quite sceptical over E-Scope's words. "What? It's way more fun to be on the winning team!" She hopped out of the hole, and headed over to the Grips, while the rest of the Gaffers got out of the hole.

"They actually won?" Gwen questioned, her voice laced with shock. Heather followed after her, glaring. "Try not to look so upset, traitor." Gwen scowled back at Heather, clearly annoyed by her accusations. E-Scope, on the other hand, was very pleased to be with her team. However, they were not. "Alright, Killer Grips! Hahaha! High-five!" Nobody returned it, which was pretty sad to watch.

"But... we voted you off." Lindsay pointed a finger at E-Scope, but she shook her head. "Uh-uh. You voted off Kaleidoscope." I raised a brow, and walked over. "So... you don't wanna be called E-Scope anymore?" "Oh, no, definitely not! They've, like, legally cut Kaleidoscope from the show. Not Izzy."

"Izzy! Time to go!"

"I'm not going anywhere. That's not my name."

"Can I get a pen over here? It says 'E-Scope' now, okay? Yo guys, wanna make sure we keep this ballot in the file as an official record of Kaleidoscope's departure? I'll notarize it. Foresight. That's why they pay me the big bucks!"

"So... technically... Izzy's still in the game! I have to give you props for that strategy, Izzy." I commented, nodding my head. "Thanks!"

*

We were back at the Craft Services tent where everybody was being served dinner, which was really just leftovers from the prison challenge, but nobody needed to know that. Especially not the legal team already reviewing the show, thanks to Courtney.

Although, I can't say things were going all bad. Owen and Izzy were sitting at the table, staring dreamily at each other, making comments about food, like always. But, I didn't see how they were compliments. "If you were food, you'd be dessert. Chocolate covered chocolate, with chocolate sauce, and sprinkles... haha... chocolate ones." Izzy giggled at this, and returned it with another compliment. "That is so nice, Owen! You're a banana split with like, 26 bananas, and a whole lotta split. Haha, yeah."

I raised a brow, before returning my focus to the Gaffers' table, at which I was currently sitting. Heather was busy shoving Gwen's loss in her face. "It's so sad that you'll be kicked off tonight, isn't it, Death Mask?" Gwen narrowed her eyes, and folded her arms. "What makes your royal smugness so sure?" "I saw through your little stunt. You threw the challenge. We'd still be in that tunnel if it wasn't for Izzy. You're gonna pay."

"And... this is where defending both sides gets you." I muttered under my breath, as DJ came over and sat down beside me. "Gwen, here! After all the barfing, running and digging, you need to keep your strength up." He handed his plate to Gwen, which, if that wasn't already weird enough, she put a hand on his cheek, like couples would. "Aw, thanks, DJ! I can always count on you..." Me and Heather glanced at each other in some form of confusion and surprise, but I was more startled, than anything.

*

Everyone was sitting in the bleachers, and it was clear tensions were high. Heather wanted Gwen out, Gwen wanted Heather out, DJ and Gwen had something going on, Harold was still slightly hurt from the whole 'shovel' thing, and Duncan and Leshawna couldn't pick sides. Well, at least, that's what I first thought. Alas, everyone had to vote, and everyone did.

"Time's up! I'll tally the votes. Duncan, Leshawna, DJ, and Harold. Another award, means another day to compete. Tonight's... final Gilded Chris, and another chance at the million goes to...."

[insert dramatic music here]

"Heather!" What she did next, like, really surprised me. She walked up to the stage, grabbed the statue off of Dad, and pushed him to the ground. Then, she proceeded to publicly embarrass Gwen in front of her entire team. Honestly, I was lucky it wasn't me. "Sorry, Gwen. You're not the winner. You lost, so you're a loser. It's just logic." "Heather...!" I spoke through gritted teeth, halfway through helping my dad up off the ground.

/// Leshawna ///

"Voting for Gwen? Yeah, that hurt. I'm not saying Heather was right. But something must've gone off for Gwen, smacking Harold upside his sweet little head like that. Huh. Girl wasn't right! And when you're not right... you're wrong."

/// End ///

/// Harold ///

"Thing is, if Gwen had stayed in the game, according to prison rules, I'd either have to break a shovel over her head, or fall in love with her. Obviously, neither option was feasible."

/// End ///

/// Heather ///

"My vote plus Leshawna's and Harold's equals the greatest day of my life. Bye-bye, Gwenny!"

/// End ///

Strangely, although in theme, Gwen was literally put in handcuffs. Duncan, however, didn't find this fair, and protested that he be taken instead. "Leave her, take me instead!" Unexpected to him, Chef didn't care who was eliminated. "Sure, whatever." ...Which, in turn, Duncan also protested against. "What-? Wait, wait, okay, no, I- I didn't actually mean..." Gwen took the handcuffs from Chef, which had been removed upon Duncan's protest, and walked past him, speaking sarcastically. "Nice try, Duncan. You're not getting off that easy. Good luck, 'kay?"

/// Gwen ///

"Definition of 'lousy'? Being a stickler for your word, and having to vote yourself off. Whoever's in charge of karma, I hope that counts for something!" She raised her fist at the roof, and proceeded to angrily point at it, as if speaking to some god.

/// End ///

"Folks are getting feisty! Voting yourself off may win you a couple of karma points, but it definitely loses you a million bucks. Check. You. Later."

*

"Hm. I swear there wasn't a 'deadly radiation' virus the last time I checked... I'm pretty sure that doesn't even exist." I spoke quietly, both reading through the next episode's plot, while also petting Mani. "Ah, I guess I'll just have to supervise then, won't I?" Mani didn't seem too certain about that, and frankly, neither did I. I paused, hearing myself, before putting a hand to my chin, and thinking.

"Don't look at me like that. There has to be a way I can supervise them safely without leaving their side... I'm not wearing any protective equipment. That's just dumb, but also because Dad doesn't care enough to get people to fund for them." I thought slightly more, before Mani started squeaking for no reason.

I turned my head to him, realizing he was trying to get at a drawer. When I opened it, though, it was a surprise to see what I did. "That's a bit dramatic... but, I suppose it could work..."

Chapter Text

[TW: Suggested ED, illness, sickness/vomiting)

I don't know what about me Izzy seemed to like, but she was dragging me around, like, everywhere she went. She seemed to have an exploration spree before joining back up with the other teams. "Ha, everything is SO much smaller than I remember it!" "Maybe Kaleidoscope had a superiority complex?" I suggested, although it wasn't intended to be heard.

"I still can't believe Gwen made a side deal with the other team... Hm. Didn't know she had it in her." Duncan stated. I mean, I could totally believe that she would do that, but that's not exactly what had happened. I didn't bring it up, though. It'd only bring more tension than there already was. ...Wait a second.

"I remember that bush! I remember that tree! I- Oof!" Izzy was so busy remembering her memories that she'd stumbled over a rock, and because she wouldn't let go of my hand, I was taken down with her. "H-Hey!" She quickly stood up, finally letting go of me. I huffed, and stood up, brushing myself off. "Heh. Oh, I remember that rock! Heh, hey rock!" 

"Well, I can't believe they let Izzy back. They totally negated our numbers advantage!" Heather complained, before shadowing her mouth with her hand, and speaking to Duncan, although obnoxiously loud. "And that's the ONLY advantage we had." Leshawna could tell that this was directed at her, and shoved a finger in her face. "Don't you be starting something, girl!"

"Guys. There's a time and place for everything, and this is certainly not the time." I spoke up, glancing up at the sky for a millisecond, before looking back down. Lindsay seemed to agree, for she yawned, and began to walk to her trailer. "Well, goodnight, everybody! Oh?" When she tried to unlock the door, it wouldn't budge. She pulled a bit too hard, though, because she crashed into the door, and fell backwards almost immediately.

I wasted no time in helping her up, just in case she was injured, or had a concussion, or something like that. Duncan tried his trailer, but it was just the same for him. "Hey, who locked the door?!" He pulled on it harder, growling, but it still failed to open. So, he just gave up, when Izzy said she wanted to try. "Wait, wait, let me try it!" She ran straight for the door, only to crash into it just like Lindsay had, and fell directly onto the ground.

"COPS!" She sat up once she heard sirens, and it took me a few seconds to realize that was just an ambulance. "Izzy, that's just-" However, I was only tuned out by louder sirens. The ambulance skid to a stop, leaving behind a gurney covered by a sheet. The ambulance drove off again, and Heather immediately assumed worst-case scenario. "Ew, what is that?! A dead body?" Much to my surprise, Duncan assumed even worse. "Or an undead body."

Much to my expectancy, it was just Dad being an idiot again. He managed to make basically everybody uncomfortable before scaring the crap out of Harold, but to be honest, I found that somewhat entertaining. "Calm yourselves! No one's dead... yet. I'm here to prep you plucky ducks for our most awesome challenge yet. These textbooks hold the sum total of eight years of med school. And, each one of you gets one because tomorrow, we're gonna play doctor!"

/// Duncan ///

"I hate doctors. They just get off on telling people stuff that they don't wanna hear, like, 'Don't pick at that scab!', or- or 'If you eat nothing but pickled eggs, you'll die.' Hey! Don't tell me what I can't eat! Now... playing doctor. Playing doctor, I can handle.

/// End ///

/// Harold ///

"I could be a doctor if I wanted to. I have plenty of hands-on experience, 'cause I've contracted more than three hundred known diseases. And, I've been cured of nearly all of them. But, there is no known vaccine for loving Leshawna."

/// End ///

Everybody, including me, took a book, and began to read through them, although I was slightly sceptical. "To win this challenge, you're gonna wanna memorize the entire contents of these textbooks... by morning." "But it's already so late!" Heather complained, completely shocked by the guidelines of this challenge. "You got that right. What med school all-nighter would be complete, without pizza?"

Unsurprisingly, Chef was the one to deliver said pizzas, and also unsurprisingly, they were all given to Owen. "Mm! That smells good!" Leshawna, just like me, was sceptical of this challenge. "It's gotta be a trick." "More like method acting! Med school interns consume 850% more pizza than the average human. So, dig in. 'Cause there's plenty more where that came from." Chef and Dad drove off, leaving us to the... 'pizza' and the books. 

"Looks okay... smells okay... tastes... incredible!" "How is this even possible!?" While everyone else was now convinced that there was nothing suspicious going on, I was practically dissecting all of the information in those textbooks. Not cause, like, I was actually interested in it, or anything. It's... yeah, it's 'cause I was suspicious.

"Uh, Lewis, don't you think you're over-evaluating this a bit?" beth questioned me, while I read through more textbooks. I glared her way for a few seconds, before responding. "Oh, 'cause you would know- No, I'm not!" I returned to the book, narrowing my eyes after that encounter.

/// Lewis ///

"Who is Beth to say that I'm over-evaluating?! Has she got, like, no clue what she's done? She's got no right to judge my interests, right? Especially after the whole incident!"

/// End ///

"Sure you don't want any pizza?" Owen questioned, taking another bite of his slice. "No. I don't want any." Well, I did, but I couldn't eat anything without feeling like I'd throw up. Being in hospital wasn't the reason why. I just... sorta couldn't. I could only have small things. "Well, that's more for me!" "Mhm." I spoke, uninterested, focused on the book.

"Hey, Beth? Do I squint when I read?" Almost instantly, Beth went red in the face, and either laughed nervously, or did something else I don't really feel comfortable with writing down. "I- I don't know. Your shirt's distracting me. Unless you..." She instantly gasped, and I knew that Justin had taken his shirt off for her. Mainly because it hit me directly in the face.

"Uh-uh... I-I'll just read the book to you, spare your beautiful eyes!" She slapped his book out of his hands, and sat up, clearing her throat. "Ahem. 'Chapter One: Anatomy.' Aha... is it getting hot in here...?" I pulled the shirt off of my face, slightly grossed out, but more annoyed than anything. "Blech."

"Hey! You know what my brothers and me did once? We had a no-hands pizza off! Haha. You should've been there." "Let's pretend I was! Here!" Izzy immediately dropped everything in her hands, which was a textbook and a handful of highlighters. They scattered all across the floor, as she got to her knees, and immediately dug her face into the pizza box, eating it like an animal. "You're... magnificent..." Owen said dreamily, as he watched her shake a slice of pizza back and forth, splattering the sauce, like everywhere.

It got in Lindsay's hair, on Justin's chest, and nearly got on me, but it seemed like Owen was way more concerned about the food. "My hair!" "My pecs!" "My pizza!" "Izzy! Stop that!" I ordered, as I made sure it didn't get on anything of mine.

/// Izzy ///

"I am SO glad to be back! I was top of my pre-med class before the RCMP started chasing me, so this should be a snap!" She snapped her fingers as she said the last word, before continuing to speak. "And Owen is just the sweetest thing ever! If he were a candy bar, he'd taste just like caramel-covered marshmallows!"

/// End ///

/// Owen ///

"It's totally awesome that Izzy is back. Yeah. It's like Christmas, but with pizza! Hahaha! It's Pizzmas!"

/// End ///

"Ugh, screw this. I'm hanging out with the Gaffers. You're a bunch of uncivilised high school dropouts." I frowned and stood up, before walking off towards Craft Services. The Grips didn't really seem to mind the insult, like they'd all heard that before. When I got to Craft Services, I could not describe the relief I felt when I saw that nothing and nobody was strange in there.

"This pie is rad! Who knew Chef could rock the 'za?" Duncan said as he took another bite out of his pizza. "You know he can actually cook, right?" I questioned, looking up from the textbook. "Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's a surprise that he can." I sighed, and continued reading from the book.

Except it's not, though.

"Aren't you having any, Leshawna?" Harold asked, but Leshawna was too focused on reading that she didn't respond, but it was clear she had heard him.

/// Leshawna ///

"I love pizza. But me and dairy do not 'agree'. And, brother, you do not wanna be around for that."

/// End ///

"Well, no pizza for Leshawna means more for us!" Duncan happily said, as he took another bite. "Hey, slow down. DJ and Lewis haven't had any." Harold protested, but this caused me to get slightly confused. "I thought I told you why I can't eat this kinda stuff, Harold..." "Wait a minute. Where is DJ?" Heather asked, looking around.

I noticed him sneaking out of the kitchen, but didn't talk about it, because of the whole 'secret-alliance-with-Chef' thing. "Uh... I-I've been here the whole time, obviously. Now hand me some pie." Duncan shrugged, and threw a slice to DJ, who took a bite, and immediately mumbled about it under his breath. Leshawna walked up to him, and began to speak. "Huh. Well, I'm not just gonna watch y'all eat. Tomorrow's a reward challenge. No need to bust our humps when no one's getting kicked off." She left, and was quickly followed by Duncan, who seemed to agree with her reasoning.

/// Heather ///

"I could've forced them to stay, but it's not like they'll help us win. I mean, medical terms? Please. Those two will only come in handy if the challenge is about piercings, or plus-size shopping. That's also why I'm going to force Lewis to stay instead. He's better than the rest of us, and picked sides last season. Who says he won't pick me again?"

/// End ///

"Hey, Lewis...? Can I ask you something about this part of the book?" At Heather's question, I instantly perked up. "What? There's something wrong with the book? Can I see? Let me see." "Uh... no. I just had a question about it." I sighed, and leant back, disappointed. "Sure. What?" "What's... 'respiration'?" I blinked for a few seconds, processing the question. "I'm outta here." After that, I simply stood up, and left.

*

"And, get this. She didn't even know what respiration was." I spoke, gossiping with my dad. "That's low, even for her." "I know!" Beside the whole gossiping thing, we were actually heading for where the contestants were. Dad pushed open the door quite enthusiastically, which didn't really surprise me, but he was more perky than usual.

"Morning, competitors! Or should I say... doctors?!" He randomly pulled out a bazooka, which I also was not fazed by, but the other competitors were horrified. They actually thought they were going to be shot, which would leave quite a bad reputation on the show. So, obviously, no, they were not going to be shot. However, they seemed less horrified to discover that it was only medical equipment, such as a stethoscope and head mirror.

Lindsay was still scared, as she screamed, but that was more so because the equipment missed her head and shoulders, and instead hit her in the face, making her fall back. "Ready for today's big challenge?" "Some of us are more ready than others." Heather said, clearly referencing Duncan and Leshawna, who'd went to bed instead of reading the textbooks. "You made your choice, I made mine." She backed herself up, and Dad couldn't get enough, like always.

"Ooh, tension. My favourite! Let's take it inside." He walked backwards, leading both the Grips and the Gaffers into the hall where the challenge was, but I stayed behind slightly longer.

/// Lewis ///

"I found nothing incorrect in those books. NOTHING! Can you believe that!? My dad's up to something, and believe me, I am going to find. out. what."

/// End ///

"Hm... where did they put those...?" I spoke quietly, searching around the trailers for the textbooks I hadn't picked up. Those teenagers were gullible, but I was not. If I remember correctly, we were all given books separately. I'd failed to notice last night that my book was slightly different to the others, because it was dark out. 

But, when I compared the one I had to one of the contestants'... they looked and felt different. I mean, when I saw Duncan's on the floor of Craft Services, it was slightly dented. Usually, books don't tend to bend or fold in on themselves if you drop them. But, my investigation was cut short, unfortunately.

"Lewis, kid, what are you doing? Aren't you supposed to be with Chris?" Since I was under the table, because that's where Duncan dropped his book, I hit my head trying to stand up. "Ah, crap-! Uh-! No, uh, I- I was actually... uh... looking for the mouse that- that I keep, so, um, yeah I'm gonna go... do that! Haha, yeah, um... yeah." I quickly walked past Chef, trying to seem as unsuspicious as possible, but I think my excuse had already sold me out. 

*

/// Lewis ///

"Okay. About to find my mouse? What kinda excuse was that?! I know how Chef feels about rodents in Craft Services! I can't believe that. That was so, so stupid."

/// End ///

Nobody, very luckily, noticed I was missing, much to my relief. "Today's reward challenge is called 'Visiting Hours', and only one member of the winning team will get to enjoy the reward." I was slightly confused at that. "If only one of them gets the prize, then... what's the point in having a winning team?" I questioned, and a few people agreed. 

"Yeah, why even bother trying?" Duncan followed up, and Leshawna responded. "A challenge is a challenge. It's one for all, and all for one." Duncan didn't see the point. "Yeah, but if we win, who gets to be the 'one'?" Heather seemed pretty confident with her response, thinking strategically, but more of herself, than anything. "The person who most directly contributes to the win."

/// Heather ///

"As in me. Duh!"

/// End ///

"Chris, you haven't told us what the reward is yet." Harold pointed out. "You're very perceptive, Harold. Let's see if that'll help you and your team assemble... a cadaver!" Lindsay surprisingly knew what a cadaver was, despite being hesitant at first. "You mean, like, a dead body?" I glanced her way, giving her the look that said, 'of course he means a dead body'. "No." Apparently we were both wrong. "What? It-"

"I mean, like, a giant dead body!" I was cut off by Dad, who proceeded to explain the challenge. "These kegs contain the dismembered parts of two identical cadavers. Each player will climb their respective team ladder, strap on the bungee cord, and jump into the tank with hopes of retrieving a body part. Any parts you find will be snapped in place on the platforms. Use those chains to raise them all the way to the roof, where they'll be reanimated  by a blast of lightning! First team to bring a Franken-Chris to life wins."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Frankenstein the doctor, not the monster?

"First crack goes to the team who can tell me how to treat someone with a bean stuck up their nose." Beth seemed pretty adamant that she should be picked to answer the question. "Ooh! Ooh! Administer two CC's of pain meds and probe the infected area with a sterile swab!" "Correct-a-mundo!" "YES!"

Beth wasted no time in climbing and preparing to jump into whatever kind of sludge was in those tanks, only to be pulled up, and to have received an electric eel, rather than a piece of the cadaver. She screamed as it zapped her, and when she let it go, she quickly questioned my dad in protest. "What the heck was that?!" "Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention the electric eels. Three zaps, and you're out." She jumped in again, and actually got something this time, throwing it towards Owen. "Got it!" He caught it, and placed it where it should've gone.

"Okay, nest question. Your patient has an itchy, red inflammation on their butt. Diagnosis?" "Diaper rash. Apply salve repeatedly to achieve humectant dispersion." Heather spoke. "Yes!" And, there was something about that I found funny. Not like, 'suspicious' funny, but just 'funny' funny. "You sound like a nerd." I laughed and pointed at her. She didn't really appreciate that, but didn't comment on it.

When she dove into the tank, she did not get zapped, but instead twice. What was also funny was that she'd gotten offended at the eel for zapping her. "OW! How dare you!? Ow!" After a couple more times of this, she finally got a piece, and threw it to Harold, but he was pushed over by Duncan before he could grab it. "Got it, got it! Oof!" "Got it!" He walked away, stepping on top of Harold as he went. "Whoops-a-daisy!" "Gas... pedal..."

"Next question. Your patient's got a white tongue, red eyes, and they're oozing gooey crud. Diagnosis?" Pink eye. Not sure about that white tongue, though. Owen seemed to know, though. "Ooh! Ooh! I know this! Pinkus eyeicus! Treat with two rounds of flopperty-gibbits!" I blinked, processing what exactly he'd just said. "...Excuse me?" "Absolutely correct!" I raised a brow. That is absolutely not correct. I mean... the pink eye bit is, I guess, but what the actual HELL is... whatever the hell that is?

/// Lewis ///

"Okay, something is totally up. Why is nobody telling me anything?!"

/// End ///

Owen prepared to dive into the tank, and did not get zapped by an electric eel once. He threw the body part over to Justin, who caught it, but immediately freaked out after realizing it had residue on it. "D-Don't let it touch my hair!" He ran off, leaving Izzy to catch it. She looked pretty annoyed by his cowardice, but brushed it off, and put the body part where it belonged. "Nice work, Iz-" The rope holding Owen snapped, and he plunged directly into the tank, being bitten by several eels, all at once.

"Smells like earwax?" "Pineapple-itis." I'm actually concerned, now. The whole thing about that virus in the plot was only getting closer, and I don't think any of these contestants have the intelligence, confidence, or strength to survive whatever the hell 'Mortotistico Crumple's Disease' is.

This 'quiz' only continued, with each answer getting more and more ridiculous and unbelievable. One of the answers being 'Sissypants McGee'. Both teams were getting a good amount of catches, which wasn't actually good at all, I think. 

So, in order to distract myself from whatever doom was coming, and making sure my fear was as subtle as possible, I made sure to do something else. I honestly didn't care what. So, I ended up wringing out Harold's shirt for him, while he took a breather. Unfortunately, Duncan got to him, and pantsed him with a part of the cadaver's hand. 

Neither me or Harold were happy about it. "Gosh! That is so not cool!" "Duncan, can you actually get lost!?" He showed literally no guilt in his actions. "Alright, you three. Separate!" Leshawna came over and broke us up, although I didn't intend to do that, until Leshawna gave me a glare, and I did back off.

She gave a warning to Duncan, before coming over to us. "Don't let him get to you, baby. He's just playing." "His 'playing' is just him being a jerk for no reason!" "Yeah, he's lucky I didn't pull a karate move on him." He proceeded to punch and slice the air with his hands as demonstration. "Actually... I think you two, me and Duncan can form one heck of an alliance." She suggested, but neither of us were happy with that, either. "A what?" "With him?!" "Are you nuts?" "I'm just tryin' to look out for you! Ugh. Unbelievable."

/// Harold + Lewis ///

"How can Leshawna even talk to Duncan?" Harold spoke calmly. Surprisingly, I was more mad, and I wasn't even the victim. "He's a worthless punk!" "That's right, or my name isn't Harold Norbit Cheever Doris McGrady V." He suddenly gasped, and quickly shook his head. "Please don't tell Duncan about the Doris part!" "You seriously think I'm gonna say anything?"

/// End ///

"He's just a massive jerk, and I don't understand how Leshawna can't see that!" I complained, giving the shirt back to Harold. "Leshawna is an angel. She sees the best in people. Unfortunately Duncan, too." "Ugh! I wish she didn't!" I folded my arms, and huffed, my attention being drawn away from the subject when Dad announced the lead.

"And the Gaffers have their cadaver! Time to start yanking some chain. And, be quick about it, 'cause the Grips are right behind you!" The Gaffers wasted no time in getting their chains pulled so that the cadaver was raised, whilst Duncan moved away the scaffolding to keep it standing upright. Meanwhile, Izzy was excitedly digging her hands through the tank to find the piece. After a few seconds, she happily started yelling. "I got it! I got it!"

She threw it over to her team, and Owen caught it, slightly disturbed, before propping it up onto the cadaver, where it should've gone. He held a quick thumbs-up to the rest of his team, while they proceeded to pull on the chain, lifting the cadaver off of the scaffolding, and up to God knows where. 

Actually, speaking of which, where do they go? 

"HEAVE! HO! HEAVE!" Those were some lovely encouraging words from Beth, really got everybody motivated. Really, it was actually just Justin working to lift it upwards, because his team consisted of a skinny blonde girl, a puny little nerd, a crazy girl who was still currently tied up to the diving board, and Owen.

"The Grips are still in this. Whose cadaver will hit the roof first? Make sure you come back for all the Total... Drama... Action!" 

Okay... it's the commercial break, and nothing's happened yet. 

Everyone's tied, no one's died. 

Hm... that's quite an unusually normal thing to happen.

Maybe everything is okay?

*

Okay, like forgive me for this, but I totally jinxed it. 

Everything is not okay.

"AHHH! MY LIPS! MY LIPS!"

Sooo... I'll give you a quick re-do of everything that has just happened.

*

Everybody was basically finished raising both cadavers, and they were still tied. Izzy, however, couldn't contain her excitement. "Ah, it's so exciting, I can't take it! Nom!" She forcefully bit down on Owen's arm, leaving quite a red mark, while he seemed to be... enjoying it.

That's a new one.

"Ew! What is this icky sore?! Owen, you're burning up. Just like my passionate soul!" Izzy seemed to notice several things about him and began to fuss over him, like a mother to her baby would. I glared over at Dad suspiciously, only for him to completely ignore me, and pretend he was doing something else to look inconspicuous.

It was apparent that not only did Owen have a fever, and a 'sore', but his burps were also lemony. I mean, that's what Izzy said, anyway. Justin, at that point, had come to a conclusion. "Hold on... red sores, fever, lemony burps? Aren't those symptoms of one of the diseases in the book?!" He worriedly turned to Lindsay, but he didn't get an answer from her, because she didn't remember anything. Well, nearly anything. Instead, he got his answer from Beth. "Page 753! Mortotistico Crumple's Disease! And, it's fatal!"

Oh, yeah. The crew messed with the books. That wasn't in MY page 753, though...?

Wait a minute...

Oh, you are joking me. They screwed with every textbook except one, and gave it to me!

Heather added onto this, which was a surprise, considering their rivalry in the past. "Mortotistico Crumple's isn't just fatal... it's... highly contagious!" At that point, Dad began to back away from everybody. "Ooookay! Looks like it's quarantine time. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" Much to my surprise, he even went the length to leave and barricade the doors. With me, still inside. 

That's mainly how I know these kinda challenges aren't too bad. I'm just simply not expendable. These campers are - you've seen what they can survive. I'm sure they can survive this fictional disease.

"Seriously weird... Owen somehow gets infected with a fatal disease?" Duncan questioned, glancing towards Owen with some hint of doubt. Owen, on the other hand, was stressing out, but he tried not to show it. "I'm sure it's just a... 24 hour kind of... fatal." Izzy dramatically gasped, and mourned over this 'dead man'. "Oh! You poor, brave, dead man! I'll find a cure! I swear!" Although... Harold had... other plans for Owen. "Quarantine Owen, stat!"

I raised a brow and watched as Beth pumped up a bubble with a yellow biohazard sticker slapped on the front of it. "GET INSIDE BEFORE YOU KILL US ALL!" Justin, Duncan and Leshawna all forcefully carried Owen over to the bubble and threw him inside, much to his shock. This had all happened to him in a matter of seconds. To be fair, I'm pretty sure anybody would be-

"AAAHHH!" Heather's screams suddenly rang out. I turned my head towards her in slight surprise, as she labelled the cause of her weird reaction. "I see another sore, on DJ!" He quickly shook his arm in a panic. "I-It's gotta be some kind of mistake!" Heather quickly backed away, completely horrified at DJ's 'sore'. Pathetic, if you ask me.

Owen looked around his confined space, slightly confused. "Hey, where's the exit door on these things?" "There isn't one!" Beth fired back, annoyed at his thinking that he could just be let go. "Uh-oh... getting claustrophobic... haha..." He spoke in a lower voice, while DJ was thrown into another bubble. "Is that another symptom?" Lindsay questioned, but didn't get an answer, mainly because in a matter of seconds, Owen went absolutely insane, crashing into several things around the room.

"Well... since you're occupied doing... whatever you're doing, I'm gonna go re-think my life choices that have led me up to this point. See ya." I walked away, and sat down, not really doing anything, except eavesdropping. "Great. Now Owen's not only infectious, he's a deranged pinball of death! Not to mention the only one with ACTUAL medical experience is having a midlife crisis!" Heather commented, clearly referencing me. "No I'm not!" I called, slightly further away.

"We need to confirm no one else is infected. Symptoms of Mortotistico Crumple's Disease include... explosive diarrhoea..." Lindsay seemed to have picked up that symptom. "Itchy lips..." That was Justin's lips' cue to get all swollen up for no reason. "My- my lips! They're on fire! Ugh!" "Sudden hot flashes..." Beth was getting all sweaty and red for no reason. "Sea sickness..." Heather suddenly vomited on the floor. "Speaking in tongues..." That's when Izzy started speaking in gibberish, which was apparently 'tongues', or something like that. "And... temporary blindness. Anyone? Anyone? Well, that's a relief." Not for Harold, it wasn't. He immediately crashed into Izzy, sending them both to the ground. "Uh-! I'M BLIND!"

/// Leshawna ///

"I know it's meant to be dangerous and all, but it's still a TV show. No way they'd actually let someone up and die in here, am I right?"

/// End ///

/// Lewis ///

"You think we wouldn't. But, I mean, the ratings would skyrocket, so..." I paused for a moment, before continuing. "I'm joking. I'd never let that happen. Chris might, though."

/// End ///

Well, now every single competitor, with the exception of Duncan, Leshawna and I were groaning sickly, and overall disgusting. "Hey, pipsqueak. Whaddaya recommend we do about this?" I didn't realize it was me being spoken to for a second. "Well, well, where'd the sudden nickname come from?" "Aw- Shut up, and just tell us what to do!" "I mean, you really should've read the books... Then, you might've been able to do it yourself." I couldn't be bothered to point out the idiocy of the challenge, so I played into their delusions instead. "Psh. Whatever."

He walked off, much to my relief, although not really, because he started tormenting Harold. "I'm burning up!" "Want us to take your temperature with this thermometer?" "Is that a rectal thermometer!? You're the sick one!"

Jesus Christ-

"Duncan, pack it in for once!" I stood up, and walked over, pushing him away, but he didn't seem to like that, because he pushed me back. "Don't shove me!" "Don't start it then, you freak!" I, of course, shoved him back. "Both of you, stop it!" If only Leshawna didn't come in between us to stop anything from progressing. Yet, since Harold still required something to stop him burning up, Leshawna did that.

For once, I genuinely tried not to express my anger around Duncan. "Oh, this is nuts. We gotta do something!" Leshawna quickly approached us, her upper half drenched in water. "Have you noticed we're the only ones who didn't study all night, and we're the only ones who haven't been infected?" Duncan chimed in. "Uh, actually, I did?" I raised a hand, which they actually took into account. "Well yeah, that doesn't really make sense." 

"I'm starting to question this Morto-testing-my-patience junk. We need to get our hands on one of those textbooks. There's gotta be something these guys missed." I thought for a second, taking in what Leshawna had said just now. "I think I might have a lead." I proposed, which seemed to grab their attention. "Really? What's your 'lead'?" Duncan retorted, although I wasn't sure either way.

"I think the books you guys were given were tampered with." I simply let out my suspicion, although, fair enough, it was an odd claim without evidence. "How do you know that? What's your proof, huh?" "Well, the textbook I was given didn't have any of those weird treatments and diseases in them, and there definitely wasn't anything on... whatever the hell 'Mortotistico Crumple's Disease' is. I was suspicious from the start, so I went to go look for the textbooks, but I got caught before I could find any of them. I think they were trying to make sure I didn't catch on before anything bad happened." I theorized.

Honestly, I think that was probably the most correct I could've been.

"Huh. That makes sense, I guess. We've gotta get our hands on one of those textbooks, and yours. There's gotta be something we missed in those books!" Leshawna responded, pounding her fist into her palm. "Good idea. Except Chris sealed off the only exit." Duncan looked towards the door, but that's when I thought to look up. "Well... not the only exit." There was a small opening in the roof where the cadavers were supposed to be going. "I'm... not a huge fan of heights." He anxiously said, looking up with me. 

Leshawna joined us at the table, before moving forward to stand on it. "Well, I'm not a huge fan of dying!" "You've got a point." Duncan agreed, standing on it beside her. I snapped my fingers at them, although I didn't walk forward. "Ditto. I'm gonna stay here, though. Y'know, just in case." "Got it. We aren't gonna be too long." 

*

/// Leshawna ///

"I take a practical approach to life, and this game. Namely, if someone is too nice to you, there has got to be a reason. And you just know it ain't gonna be pretty."

/// End ///

*

So... yeah.

Everything is not okay.

"AHHH! MY LIPS! MY LIPS!"

Leshawna and Duncan said they'd be back soon, but I'm starting to worry if they're just skiving the challenge. I feel like with the two of them, Leshawna's probably been caught, or something, and Duncan's gotten away, or, like, escaped or something.

I was sitting next to Heather, just because everybody else was either insufferably disgusting, or insufferable, period. All she was doing was throwing up. That was manageable. Plus, she was writing her will to her family, or something. "To my mother, I leave you all my many awards and trophies." She vomited into the bucket beside her, which caused me to instinctively put a hand on her arm. "To my brothers and sisters, I leave you... nothing! Earn it yourselves, you lazy slackers!"

I rested back against the wall, taking my hand off of her arm. "Shame you might not be around to see their reactions." "I'm actually gonna die?!" "What-?! Oh- No, obviously not! I'm not gonna let anybody die on this show, Heather. I'm not gonna let you die, either. You're, like, a total icon." That seemed to surprise her, which, in turn, surprised me. "I am? How do you know that?" "Pfft, dude. All the fans trying to see me in that crappy hospital were talking about you and m-"

All of a sudden, Leshawna and Duncan burst through the doors, holding two textbooks and some sort of spice. Literally everybody but me and Heather were either groaning on a bed, or were in an isolation bubble. "Mother... is that you?" Harold spoke, shielding his eyes from the bright light of whatever he was looking at.

"Relax, everyone! As someone who has extensive experience with forgery, trust me. This textbook, and everything in it, is a total crock. The book covers are really just old cereal boxes." "Aaaand... as someone with extensive experience with medicine, trust me. I'm surprised you didn't catch out the stupid terms earlier." I responded with a wave of my hand, as Duncan made a run for the bathroom. 

Harold sat up, scratching his head. "It can't be a crock. No one's faking being sick." "No, but it's still a hoax. I just went to Chef's kitchen, where I found this 'cheese'." I raised a brow, and stood up, taking the container from her. "Uh, gee, what's in that canister I've never seen before? Parmesan?" I shook my head, and tore off the fake label. "Uh-uh. Itching powder, and laxatives." "Chef? How could he?!" DJ seemed absolutely distraught over this, although not me. It wasn't really surprising. "That explains the diarrhoea and itchy lips!" 

"And me and Leshawna are the only ones who didn't get sick, 'cause we didn't eat any of the pizza." I explained, as Beth sat up. "But wait, what about the sores on Owen and DJ?" Leshawna took out one of her hairpins, and popped DJ's bubble, peeling off the sore. "It's just a slice of pepperoni. Brother needs to shower." "First, brother needs to pee!" "Mm, delicious sore! She's right! Now let me outta this bubble!" He proceeded to panic, which didn't surprise me.

Izzy walked over with a needle, and despite being warned by Heather, still popped the bubble with Owen inside. Which, unfortunately, stank up the room. "Oh! Fresh air! Sweet, sweet fresh air!" "Oh, stale air. Smelly, smelly air." "I think I'm still dying..." Harold dramatically said, causing me to raise a brow. "But... what about the other symptoms? Blindness, speaking in tongues?"

That's when it made sense to me!

"Oh, I've just totally figured that out." I chuckled to myself, finding it somewhat entertaining. "What is it?" "First year med school syndrome! Too much studying, and too little sleep can make you think you've got every disease in the book!" Harold suddenly gasped, and sat up, cheering for himself. "I can see! I CAN SEE!" Out of nowhere, Dad appeared, and announced the winners of the challenge. "Congratulations, Screaming Gaffers! You just won the challenge!" "I knew it, yeah!" Leshawna cheered. "Aw, sweet!" "Brilliant diagnostic skills, Duncan and Leshawna. Way to suss it out. And, for your reward... Uh, I knew I forgot something. Just a sec."

/// Lewis ///

"So, there I am, thinking: 'Where the hell is my credit?!'. Like, I did a portion of the work! I know I'm not a contestant, but jeez, let me have a shout out, man!"

/// End ///

Randomly, Leshawna pulled me, Duncan and Harold close to her, and lowered her voice. "Okay, you jokers. All I want is an iron-clad alliance to get Heather outta my face. Can we not agree on this?" I narrowed my eyes, and frowned. "I don't know if I can handle being in an alliance with him and Doris here." Duncan commented, which made me widen my eyes.

/// Harold+Lewis ///

"How could you!?" "Dude, I'm telling you, it wasn't me!" "That's the lowest, meanest, dirtiest- GOSH!" "Well, that's the last secret you're gonna get from this guy. Now you'll never now about my teapot collection, or the fact that I wear a wizard's cape when I play solitaire-" "HAROLD! Duncan was eavesdropping! You're only making it worse for yourself!"

/// End ///

"I absolutely refuse to be in an alliance with Duncan. With you, yes, a hundred thousand kajillion times, yes. But with him? Never!" "I agree. Being in an alliance with Duncan Do-Wrong is worse than having my other arm cut off. Hopefully, you might see that." "Ooh! I try and help, and this is what I get! You're a bunch of fools!"

Dad came back fairly quick, and was holding something. "As I was saying, for your reward..." He took off the cover, and revealed that it was literally a plate of photos of different people. "That's my momma!" "Ooh, and that's my best cousin!" "Yep. One of you gets a whole spa night away from this cruddy studio lot with your very best friend. So, who's the lucky stiff?" While Duncan, Heather, DJ and Harold argued over who deserved it, Leshawna wanted to try a different approach.

She started crying.

"I'm sorry, it's just... it's been so stressful! I thought I was gonna lose you. F-Fightin' for your lives. It's all been too much!" I blinked at her in utter disbelief, and it seemed like everybody else had the same reaction. "Wow. You actually do have a heart?" "And... Leshawna DID solve the challenge. I nominate her to win the award. All in favour?" They all raised their hands, and just like that, the 'ayes' had it. "No, no. I-I can't believe this! You guys are so beautiful! What a generous..." She began to cry again.

I cringed, and folded my arms. I also shifted backwards next to my dad because it was disgustingly sentimental. "Yuck! Clean up on aisle two!" The two interns that looked like each other came out with brooms, and forcefully began to push her out, as she sobbed. "Thank you! Thank you so much! You guys are the best!" "Uh...huh." 

*

"Girl, I cannot believe you been crying. You never cry. Not even at Mr. Bunny Rabbit's funeral."

"You nuts? I was just making sure they'd vote me the heck outta here for the night."

"I knew it was too fool to be true."

"A night away from Total... Drama... Pain-in-my-behind."

"Well, that's one way to get a reward. Not a nice one, but a one indeed." I leant back in my chair, shrugging. "I hope they're gonna exfoliate Leshawna's attitude at the spa." Dad commented, shutting off the screens. "Or shove her morals in the sauna, and give 'em a good detoxifying steam." I added, nodding. 

"So, will Leshawna come back with cleaner pores, or a crazy dirty conscience? Find out next time on Total... Drama... Action!"

*

(omg i'm literally so sorry for the delay, i've had the worst case of the flu you would not believe me. i may be on hiatus for a week or two for the christmas holidays.)

(MERRY CHRISTMAS!!)

Chapter Text

Me, Leshawna, Harold, Owen and Izzy were playing a card game, while Duncan and Justin were playing football, sometimes using DJ's sleeping body to bounce the ball to each other. "Izzy... do you have a B.L.T?" Both me and Izzy looked at Owen, both confused and disturbed at the question. After realizing, he quickly corrected himself without fault. "I'll also take the five?" Immediately, Izzy slapped the cards out of Owen's hands, and began to shuffle the deck of cards again. I was playing a round with Leshawna and Harold though, so we could just carry on.

"Jeez, Owen, you really need to lay off with the cheating." I said, rummaging through my deck. "What- What do you mean? I'm not cheating, aha! Why- Why'd you think that?" I glanced upwards, raising a brow, before looking back down at my cards. "Never mind."

/// Harold ///

"Izzy thinks she's so cool. But, did she spend three whole entire summers at Magic Steve's Magic Camp? Allow me to demonstrate my mad magic skills by producing the Ace of Spades!" He clapped his hands together. Instead of producing the Ace of Spades, he revealed the picture of him without his pants, from Total Drama Island. "Oh- Ha! Hey, uh, how'd that get in there?"

/// End ///

"I can't believe you managed to steal these from lunch!" Lindsay said, as she shoved another sandwich into her mouth. "Yummers!" I placed down a card on the pile, and turned my head. "I didn't steal them, Lindsay, I made them." "Oh, right!" I rolled my eyes, but was distracted once Beth came rushing in, doing splits, flips, trying to show off. "I call this, the Egg Salad Firework! Drumroll!" She threw up a handful of sandwiches, trying to catch them in her mouth, but Owen got to them before her.

"OWEN! Stop stealing my sammies!" She angrily yelled. He nervously looked up from his cards with his mouth full. "What are you talking about?" Leshawna turned her head towards him, speaking in disgust. "You disgust me, Owen." Heather, for some reason, seemed to agree with her. "Yeah, what kind of pig are you?" Beth came to the realization that everyone had one, and they weren't exclusively for her. "You're all stealing them?!"

Justin spoke up beside Duncan, eating a sandwich, too. "Lewis' food has gotten so good! Mm-mm!" "Oh- um, thank you! It's- it's nothing, really..."

I get that he's trying to get me in an alliance, and I know I'll never hear the end of it. I want to be in his alliance, without explicitly saying that I want to be in his alliance.

We were interrupted by DJ's loud snoring, and I can only assume he was dreaming about his mom, or something like that. "This is fun, huh, bestie? Imagine if there was no challenge today!" Beth happily said, turning to Lindsay, who foolishly agreed with her. "Oh my gosh! We could totally just hang out, and braid each other's hair! I would LOVE that, bestie!" I walked over, folding my arms. "Ah, one can only hope." Heather walked over too, with another sandwich. "Yeah. Some of us are trying to keep up our strength to actually win the competition." "Thank you, Heather." "You're welcome, Lewis."

"Well, we don't think there is a challenge today." Lindsay said, glancing down at Beth in uncertainty. I raised a brow. "Uh, well, there better be, or God forbid I get a break from you." "Just like he said. Although, I'm here to win a million dollars, and the faster we eliminate you two pathetic, spineless followers, the better." "Hmph, I wish..." I said, walking away with Heather.

/// Lindsay ///

"You see those little bumps back there?" Lindsay held up an x-ray of her head. "Those are totally a spine! I am not a follower. Like, at cheerleading, I'm right in the middle of the pyramid. And, when all my sisters and I decide on something, like where to go shopping or whatevs, I'm always the third vote! That's not... oh, um... well, I can change! Uh- If that's okay with you guys."

/// End ///

I was about to join the game of cards again, when Dad's voice came over the loudspeaker. "Attention all Total Drama victims! Please meet me in the northeast corner of the Studio Palooza! Bring lozenges! The screaming's gonna hurt." I rolled my eyes at this, and began to leave with everyone else. Although, I did hear Beth talking with Lindsay. "There is a challenge... Just promise we can still do the hair braiding?" "I think I'll do a French!"

*

I was working on some backstage props for the beginning of the challenge, and got there before everybody else. It was mainly just sorting through some dusty old boxes the interns had pulled out of a rental storage unit. I finally heard the competitors approaching, but decided not to question it. "We walk all the way over here, and Lieutenant Slick can't even be bothered to show up?" "He's probably getting his facials overdue, or something." I shrugged it off, while Justin came up with another excuse. "Maybe he's racked up too much overtime figuring out new ways to torture us."

"Either way. You're doing a challenge, and if that's with me, then so be it." I inspected some camera film, but put it back in the box when I realized it was torn. Out of nowhere, I heard everybody scream, but didn't think to turn around. It was stupid of me to approach without glancing upwards. "What's so sc-" 

Dad was dead.

My eyes widened, and I could only feel my breath hitch. "Huh. Guess the producers don't like paying overtime." Justin remarked, although I could care less about that. What I did care about is what crap I was seeing happen right in front of me. Out of nowhere, the person, whom I had just seen die right in front of me, perked up. "I'm worth every dime!" In that moment, a sense of relief nearly drowned me, small tears pooled in my eyes, and a blush formed on my face. "Aw, man! I was gonna call dibs on your boat!" "DAD! THAT WASN'T FUNNY!" I yelled, very clearly hurt by how everybody else was taking this.

"Aw, I'm sorry. I'm absolutely, perfectly, Chrisally fine." 

But I'm not, though.

"It's the magic of cinema, boys and girls! Wanna see how it's done?" Almost instantly, everybody but me yelled at him. "NO!" Despite this, Dad continued to explain, anyway. "Our cracker-jack effects team seals fake blood into a thin membrane of plastic. Called a squib. This little baby bursts on impact. An old-fashioned optical illusion helps sell that I've been impaled."

For some reason, nobody found it quite as funny after seeing how I'd just reacted to it. Duncan was quick to respond, rolling his eyes at Dad. "Can we just get on with this?" Lindsay and Beth, however, did not care for anything that'd just happened. "I can't believe you're so unscareable! You didn't even scream!" "I did on the inside. I just can't do it on the outside." "Huh?" While they blabbed on to each other, I was busy trying to figure out whether to cry or not. I found it extremely hard to sort out my emotions, especially if they were sudden.

"Time for today's totally terrifying, blood-curdling horror movie challenge! To figure out which teams get which challenge, a scream-off! Think of every great horror movie you've ever seen." Dad explained, walking over to Owen and Izzy. Izzy suddenly gasped, and looked at everyone around her. "Oh my gosh, you guys. Did you see that one with the possessed rug that learns to walk and smother cats? Or... did I make that up?" 

For once, I didn't cheer up at Izzy's words.

"All horror movies have one thing in common. Fantastic screaming from actors. And, the killers who snuff 'em. Each team, pick a serial killer. The rest of you will be the screamers. If your serial killer can make you scream the loudest, your team wins!"

*

I'm angry at Dad for that stunt he pulled this morning. I don't want to talk to him at all today.

That's why I'm staying with Chef. At least I know he won't pull some kind of crazy joke to make everybody freak out.

"It was meant to scare everybody else. He was thinkin' you knew it was a joke on sight." I folded my arms, and frowned. "Yeah, but it wasn't funny!" "You know how your dad is with stuff like this. He can't help himself." Chef was trying to make an excuse for him. 

I don't get why. I was hurt, and he wasn't. Why is he the one being defended?

We came to the Gaffers' team, and they were trying to decide on who to make do the challenge. "We have to pick Duncan, of course. Have you ever seen someone so serial killer-y?" Heather held up a bottle of fake blood and a hockey mask. Harold cowered behind Leshawna. "I'm terrified of him on a daily basis." Leshawna nodded. "Plus, he nailed the other acting challenges." Before Duncan could grab the mask, Chef snatched it. 

"DJ's gotta do it!" "But this is the first time our team's ever agreed on anything!" Harold protested. Heather looked to me for support, or at least some kind of rejection to him. I turned my head away, uninterested. "Chef's right. DJ should do it." "WHAT!?" She exclaimed, in visible disbelief. Duncan raised a brow, and leant on DJ's shoulder. "Uh, listen, you two. Maybe you can stick to your area of expertise with the sandwiches, and I'll stick to mine." Now, obviously, Chef wasn't just going to stand there and let either of us be heckled. He pulled him close to his face by his collar, and threatened him. "Do you LIKE having your arms attached to your torso?!"

/// Duncan ///

"Arms are good. They throw things, feed you things, there's something to put in your sleeves... And, if there's one thing I learned in home ec class, always listen to the dude with the knives, and his lackey."

/// End ///

Chef angrily threw Duncan to the side, and shoved the mask into DJ's chest, before storming off. I turned to the team for a second, before quickly following after.

*

[3rd Person P.O.V.]

*

"Since when does Chef interfere in challenges? Smells kinda funny to me." Leshawna said, raising a brow. "Oh, that's me. Sorry, I was saving them for later." Harold explained, holding up a rotten sandwich from his pants pocket. "Never mind that! Since when does Lewis agree with cheating?! Something is definitely up!" Heather folded her arms. Duncan approached, cracking his arm back into a comfortable position. "Why have you been talking about him so much lately? Sounds like you're crushing on him." She gasped, and widened her eyes, along with the rest of the team.

/// Heather ///

"EXCUSE ME!?" She took a second to calm down. "Correct me if I'm wrong. But, I'm pretty sure an 17-year old dating a 15-year old isn't exactly the most socially accepted thing in the world! Maybe when he's 16, sure, but NEVER 15!"

/// End ///

With the Grips, they couldn't agree on a single thing. Justin wanted to be the killer because he believed this. "You guys gotta let ME be the killer! The mask offers good protection for my beautiful face!" He placed it on himself, but just as Lindsay was about to talk with a raised finger, Izzy interrupted. "Okay, I am such the better scarer! My dog is terrified of me, okay?" Owen, though, didn't see the correlation between 'Izzy' and 'terrifying'. He pretended he was talking to an animal, or a young child, and used a baby voice. "But you're as cute as a bug in a rug!" This annoyed Izzy, for she placed her hands on her hips, and scowled at Owen.

"Hey, you guys...? Um, Beth-" Lindsay tried to talk, although people weren't really listening to her. "Later, Lindsay. I wanna be the killer, okay? And that's it." Justin finished off with a nod, but nobody agreed on that. "But look at my scary face!" Izzy madly babbled as she repeatedly stuck her tongue out, only to be dismissed by Owen once again. "D'aw, that's not scary, that's adorable!" Izzy growled at him angrily, which caused him to back up. "THIS is a scary face!"

"BETH IS GOING TO BE OUR SERIAL KILLER, AND THAT IS THAT!" Lindsay suddenly screamed, which caused all of the Grips to look at her in pure shock. It shocked Justin so much that he dropped the mask onto the floor. She sighed in annoyance, before explaining. "Beth's a non-screamer. We have to have her as the killer, or we're going down!"

/// Lindsay ///

"Can I just tell you that felt so delicious! It was almost better than being pretty!" She paused for a moment, before smiling sheepishly. "Well, almost."

/// End ///

*

[Lewis' P.O.V.]

*

I couldn't stay off-screen forever, so I decided to suck up my grudge, and get on with it.

"Alright. Justin and Harold, prepare yourselves for your killer to enter! And then, I want huge, massive, ginormous screams! We'll be measuring the volume on our scream-o-meter!" I rolled my eyes at his enthusiasm, and rested my head on my fist. "Lights! Camera! Action!" 

Let's get this over with.

It was the Grips' turn first to scare Justin, and it looked like, annoyingly, they'd chosen Beth to be the serial killer. I mean, BETH! "Boo!" Justin turned around, and screamed, very little enthusiasm present in his voice. "Ahh. I'm so scared." It, expectedly, didn't get a very high volume on the meter, which, in turn, was followed by an unenthusiastic apology. "I'm sorry, I just can't risk my pipes any further. What good is a face like this without my warm, yet manly tones to back it up?"

It was DJ's turn to scare Harold, and he was obviously not gonna do well. He came running out from behind a tree, and bumped into Harold, not wearing the mask, so Harold wasn't scared. "Oh, hey, DJ! What's up?" DJ nervously looked behind him, before growling in Harold's face. Weirdly, that was the thing that made him scream, and not the fact he'd seen DJ come out right in front of him. "With a solid fifty on the scream-o-meter, let's notch one up for DJ, Harold, and the Screaming Gaffers!"

"There is some serious indignity goin' on in this scenario. I mean, I'm being filmed, sitting on the potty!"

True, true.

"That was an accidental tinkle on screen last season. I'm not doing it again. And, how am I supposed to be scared when I know Beth is coming in any minute, and she's not scary at-" Suddenly, Beth burst into the set, trying to scare the crap out of Lindsay. Well, it worked, but not exactly the crap out of her.

When it was DJ's turn to scare Leshawna, he got all flustered when he burst in on set. "Oh! I-I-I'm so sorry, I- I busted in on your private moment. Boy, my face is red..." Leshawna wasn't having any of it, and put her hands on her hips. "You wanna win?! Do the scene, DJ!" He nervously cleared his throat, and pathetically scared her. "Rawr."

Lindsay was still screaming, even though Beth had stopped trying to scare her completely. She took off the mask, and complimented her. "You're doing so good, I'm not even being scary anymore. Look!"

Leshawna stifled a laugh, and began to talk. "I'm sorry." She giggled, and continued. "I'm sorry, I- I just... I'm supposed to be afraid of this marshmallow? This- This big ol' kitten of a DJ?" She laughed again, wiping a tear from her eye. "And that's round two to Beth, Lindsay, and the Killer Grips, with a pee-fuelled eighty-five on the scream-o-meter!"

*

We moved on to another set, which was set in a dusty old cabin. The two actors that were picked had to make out, before being scared by the psycho killer. "Alright, guys. This is the tiebreaker scene. You're gonna have to act your faces off." 

First up was the Grips, with Owen and Izzy. 

"Oh boy, haha, um, I'm not the world's greatest actor..." Owen said, as they both read through the script they'd been given. "Haha! How horror movie is this? We've gotta make out! Haha!" "I LOVE this business! Hubba-hubba!" They both threw out the scripts, and immediately started sucking face with each other. "Aw, jeez..." I groaned, and put a hand to my head, while Dad sort of looked away. "Awkward..."

*

I was resting on the back of the sofa from the next set, where Heather and Duncan were picked to be the couple. After they'd finished reading the script, Heather gasped, and immediately threw her script away. "No. No, no, no! I would rather die!" Duncan put his down gently, and folded his arms. "That makes two of us, lady." 

I shrugged, and tried to convince them. "C'mon. It's a million bucks." "A million bucks is not worth it." "Hm. That's funny, because I vaguely remember watching you two snuggle up by the campfire in season one. But, hey, what do I know?" "Uh-! You weren't even-! Ugh, fine!" They hesitantly leaned in closer to each other, but as soon as they touched lips, they pulled away, disgusted. "Blech! Ew!" "Ugh..." "You taste like street!"

DJ popped up from behind me, and tried to scare the two of them, but they were more focused on the aftermath of the kissing. "Ah! My lips may never recover!" "Cool off, Heather. I'm sure they will. Otherwise, how are you gonna kiss, like, a hot Spanish dude called Alejandro, or something like that?" She paused, before rolling her eyes. "Ugh! I hate it when you're right! You're so... smug!" "That, I am."

I could tell the set beside us wasn't very enthusiastic about being scared. Probably because Owen and Izzy are a love-making machine. They can get carried away.

That's about when Chef came up with a chainsaw, scaring the crap out of everybody. Well, not me, but everybody else. In fact, he scared the three Gaffers so much that DJ passed out, nearly pushing me over, since he went over the top of the sofa. "Well, it looks to me like DJ and the well-named Screaming Gaffers have won this one, seeing as they buried the needle. Join us after the break to see if DJ's still alive. DJ? Come in, DJ!"

*

I was kneeling in front of DJ, while everybody else was standing up in front of him. "Is he breathing?" Beth asked, very stupidly. "Yeah, he's breathing." I rolled my eyes, although it wasn't seen by anyone, because of my stance. "I think he's saying something!" Leshawna exclaimed, which made me raise a brow, and listen to what he was 'saying'. "Mama...?"

Heather knelt down beside me, and we shared a look, before she suddenly slapped him for no reason. DJ propped himself up on his knees in a rush, and looked around. "I- I need to see Chef!" Heather smacked him again, much to my concern. "Heather!" I grabbed her wrist in order to stop her from slapping him again. "What?! He's still talking crazy!" I frowned, before turning my focus back to DJ, still keeping a hold of her wrist.

"No can do, man. Chef's in a disciplinary meeting with the producers. He's in trouble, 'cause he's been messing with the challenges." Leshawna put her hands on her hips, and narrowed her eyes. "I knew something was up! Haven't you been messin' with the challenges, too?" The accusation was only half-true. "No, I've been in CHARGE of the challenges. Different things." 

Harold fawned over Leshawna, and said some pretty weird stuff. "You're like Albert Einstein, with better hair, and girly-" I quickly got the message, and cut him off. "OKAY! Moving along! Grips, you're in the dining hall tonight, so take your crappy sleeping bags. Gaffers are in the trailers for a rest. I'll meet you guys in half an hour."

They all walked off, except for Heather. We'd both realized that I'd been holding her wrist for the entirety of that explanation, so I was fast to release her. Although I didn't really see a reason to apologize, I did it anyway. "Uh- sorry..."

*

"I just don't want you to get hurt. It scared me more than that challenge did." I explained, as both me and Dad were walking to the dining hall. "Is that why you've been ignoring me?" "...Kinda." "Well, okay. I promise I won't pull a stunt like that again. At least, without letting you know." "Thanks."

*

I sat on one of the tables, while the Grips sat on the floor around Dad. He was going to tell us a horror story for the next part of the challenge. "This isn't such a bad place to spend the night. It's full of good memories... of food." Owen remarked, putting down his bag. "Ho-ho! More than memories! I just found a half-eaten piece of cheesecake under here!" Izzy exclaimed, picking up a dirty slice of food.

"Guys. Mind joining us here? I'm about to tell you... why this film lot was abandoned and closed. I haven't even told Lewis why!" The Grips looked to me. I nodded, although Justin could see the truth. "That's obvious. It's a death trap." "No, it's-" "Hush, my child." I blinked at both being cut off, and being spoken to so seriously. "This film lot is perfectly safe on this plane. But, on the other dimension..."

The lights suddenly switched off, and Dad turned on a flashlight, which made Owen gasp. "Ronnie the Rent-a-cop, a designated security guard who worked here for twenty-five loyal years, until her mysterious death, right here... on this very spot! Now, her desperate and uneasy spirit walks the lot. No one has ever managed to spend a whole night in this craft service tent."

Justin raised a brow. "Because they were killed by falling sets?" "'Cause... of the haunting! Your task? Spend the whole night here without leaving this tent. If you manage to do so, your team gets invincibility, and nobody goes home. Track any psychic phenomenon using these ghost meters. And, just in case..." Instead of handing Beth a normal-sized flashlight, he handed her a tiny one. Because of this, she frowned in annoyance. "Oh, gee. Thanks."

*

We headed over to the Screaming Gaffers, and did an explanation for their part in the challenge. "The Killer Grips are sitting in the Craft Services tent like sitting ducks. Your task is to make like special effects gurus, and frighten the pants off them. Haha! Or, at least, scare 'em enough to get them outta the tent before dawn." Heather put her hands on her hips. "How are we supposed to scare them?" 

"Lewis is gonna be helping you!" I turned my head to my dad, surprised. "What?" It seems like everybody else had the same reaction. "What?" He did give us an answer, but it was really dumb. "He's a master at this stuff, and I wanna see some actual fear! Anyway... it's your call. But, if you get them out, your team wins invincibility, and nobody goes home. Oh, and, just so you know, I told them some cockamamie story about a security guard who died on set." Dad walked off, chuckling.

/// Lewis ///

"Uh, no, I'm not! What the hell, Dad?!"

/// End ///

"How are we gonna pull this off?" DJ nervously asked, although it seems everybody else had a plan. "Just turn out the lights. Beth's afraid of her own shadow." Leshawna proposed confidently. Duncan added on enthusiastically. "Chainsaws! Oh, I love a good chainsaw!" Harold thought for a second, before grinning. "I got it!" I turned to him. "What's that?"

*

"Thank you, my lovely assistants. Now, the Magnificent Harold is ready to scare our opponents into submission with the fantasm ball!" The 'fantasm' ball was literally just a football with a sheet tied over it. Also, it was attached to a fishing rod. "I can't believe we're putting our team's fate in the hands of the Great Dorko." "You will quake, mortal! Before all I've learned at Magic Steve's Magic Camp. Behold!" He threw it, and it was strung up by the fishing rod. I shook my head in embarrassment. "This'll never work."

*

I spied through the window, watching the Grips. They were playing a card game. "Do you have a seven?" Owen asked. Lindsay responded in awe. "How do you always know?! It's like you're psychotic!" Beth turned around to see the ball, and released a wheezy scream. "I know, right, Beth? Owen's totally got SNP!" Lindsay said, ignoring her fear. She screamed again, which made the rest of them look up.

Everyone but Lindsay screamed. She was holding up one of the monitors. "Wait!" The team ignored her, which forced her to scream. "I SAID WAIT!" They all screeched to a halt in front of the door, and turned to her. "The ghost meters aren't reading a thing!"

/// Lindsay ///

"I am really grooving on this 'suggesting' business. I think it totally fits me! With Trent out of the game, I'm kinda leading my team. How do you like me now, Heather?!"

/// End ///

She climbed up onto the table, and put a hand on top of the ball. Owen was very distressed by this. "Tangy salt and vinegar, she's gonna die!" Instead of dying, Lindsay speedily ripped off the sheet covering it to reveal it was a football.  "Oh my gosh! It's just a trick!" I glared, and walked back to the Gaffers with Duncan.

We silently approached Harold. He put a hand on his chin, although it was cut short, because Duncan kicked him in the nuts. He collapsed onto the ground, and it was clear Duncan was furious. "You stuck a HOOK in my soccer ball?!" "I told you it wouldn't work!" I folded my arms. "It was all in the name of magic! You have to admit, it was quite-" I slapped his hand away, and frowned. Duncan wanted to take control. "Shut it, Harry Houd-weenie. I'm taking charge now."

*

We snuck into the kitchen, and started making bowls of fake blood. Duncan and I were really good at it, but it was a shame nobody else was. Duncan took some and tasted it, only to shake his head. "Nope. Needs some more corn syrup." I nodded. "True. It's not quite 'scabby' enough." "I'll get you some." DJ walked off. "Respect, boys! It really looks like blood!" Leshawna complimented, nodding.

Duncan laughed, and recalled a memory of his. "Devil's Night, my brothers and I used to wait outside kindergarten with this goop dripping off us. Ha! One year, I gave, like, a dozen five-year olds seizures." Leshawna's smile turned to a frown. "And... respect deleted." While Harold went to go talk to DJ, I recalled a memory of mine instead. 

"Oh my God, when Chef started bunking with us, first Halloween, he taught me how to make fake blood. Man, when I caught him spreading it on the outdoor decorations without me, I thought he'd killed somebody! He's too good."

*

Heather prepared to pour the bowl over the shutters, so that the team thought blood was dripping from the walls. Duncan spied out from the curtains in the entrance, while I was turning the tap on. Not just making sound effects, but to also get the corn syrup off my hands. "Do you have a ten?" Beth asked Justin, and he smirked. "Maybe. Care to make it interesting?" He suddenly yelped, and that's when the blood started pouring from the shutters.

Once again, everyone but Lindsay ran to the exit screaming. "Wait! What do you smell?" She asked Owen, and he stopped, sniffing the room. "Fear! And, fear smells like... ketchup...?" "Exactly! Lick the wall, Owen." He nervously shook his head. Lindsay wasn't having that. "I said, lick the wall, Owen!" She yelled so loud that she'd frightened her entire team.

Even Izzy.

"Wow! When you're freaking me out, it's time to cash in the chips." Lindsay took a sample from the wall on her finger, and held it up to Owen. He anxiously laughed, but couldn't stop her from smearing it on his lips. He smelt it again, before licking it off. "Mm! Tasty!" He made another step towards the shutters, and began to lick it.

*

Heather, at that point, was covered in the fake blood, and angrily turned to us. "Anyone else have any brilliant ideas? Anybody who's not Duncan?" I thought for a while, piecing together another way of scaring the Grips. 

Beth's scared of her own shadow, and the rest of the team are followers. Lindsay has the ghost meter though. She's getting smarter. I just need to figure out some way to get it to work without getting a real ghost in here...

DJ hasn't said anything, and it's because of his alliance. He must know something. But he said he needed to see Chef... right after his nightmare about...

"I've got an idea!" I perked up all of a sudden. "Oh, finally! What's the professional got to say?" Heather rolled her eyes, stepping down from the counter. "We can't just use a ball and a sheet. We need the real deal. We need Ronnie." "The ghost!? How are we supposed to get a fake ghost to come and haunt them?! That's impossible!"

*

"This is crazy." She remarked, as I tied the rope around her waist. "Shush. You'll blow our cover." I put a finger to her lips, and handed her a walkie-talkie. "You owe me one, Lewis!" She whispered angrily. I rolled my eyes, and pushed the hat down over her eyes teasingly. "Yeah, yeah. Get up there."

"Night has fallen." Duncan said, referencing the lights.

"Excellent work, Eclipse. Foxy lady, you there?" DJ asked Leshawna.

"Foxy lady, at the ready." Leshawna nodded.

"Rent-a-cop is in position, ready when you are." I spoke, keeping a hushed voice.

"Remember, everyone. This is just Chris trying to scare us, and Lindsay's team doesn't give up!" Lindsay said, trying to be encouraging. Izzy raised a brow at the name. "'Lindsay's team'?" Leshawna got her cue, and began to imitate some ghostly moaning through a megaphone. It seemed to convince them, because they were all much more visibly scared than before.

"Magic Harold, drop the cop."

He pushed Heather down so that she was hanging from the rope, and she was making a good act. "IT'S A POLTERGEIST!" "RUNTERGEIST!" They all screamed, and rushed for the door, but Lindsay didn't believe it. "Wait! The ghost meters still aren't going off!" I narrowed my eyes, and threw a fork in the direction of the meter, which sent it off beeping like crazy. Immediately, she dropped it, screamed, and ran out of the tent after everyone else.

We all joined up in Craft Services again, and celebrated. "And that's how we win it! Whoo!" Leshawna high-fived Harold. "Yes! Uh, DJ? Are you okay?" DJ glanced up at Heather, before gasping in fear. "DJ?" I questioned, looking over at him. It was dismissed after Heather complained about her situation. "Hello? Is anybody gonna help me down from here?!" I looked around, and seeing as nobody was too enthusiastic, I decided to do it. "I'll be up in a minute."

*

Stupid little... ugh! 

I hate this god damn suit so much!

Screw being formal, I am NOT putting up with this.

*

"And now, fraidy-cat Grips, it's time to announce who will NOT win a Gilded Chris this week. Who deserves to go home bitterly disappointed, tears in their eyes?" I approached with Chef, holding the piece of paper. Neither of us were wearing our formal outfits, and both of us were fairly ticked off, although for different reasons. Dad didn't seem too pleased, but he brushed it off without a word.

"And the Gilded Chrises go to... Izzy, Beth, Owen... Still on the chopping block... Lindsay, and Justin." Lindsay seemed confused as to why she was at risk of elimination. "What? I can't be going! Why would people be mad at me? ...Beth?" "You were a little... bossy." "Hello!? It's called leadership!" She exclaimed, hurt by her best friend voting for her.

"And the final Gilded Chris goes to..."

[pause for dramatic music...]

"STOP! I'm gonna do what I should've done a long time ago! Make Mama proud. I'm voting myself off!" DJ yelled, standing beside the other Gaffers. I widened my eyes in surprise, but Chef wasn't happy. "DJ! Heh, uh... why don't you and I have a chat, before you do anything stupid." He tried to get through to DJ with intimidation, but that just didn't work out anymore. "No, Chef! I'm not listening to you anymore! Chef and me, we had an illegal alliance."

Everyone but me and Chef gasped in shock. "He's been tutoring me in 'tough', coaching me through the challenges..." Chef anxiously glanced over at Dad, who was watching this with folded arms. 

I'd know that look anywhere.

That look meant 'I'm disappointed in you'. 

"I'll miss you all." DJ finished off. Owen seemed to have a sudden realization. "Wait, wait, waitwaitwaitwaitwaitWAIT! You've been cooking all the delicious food? The pizza? The cheesecake? The... sandwiches?" "Well, the sandwiches were mine..." I mumbled under my breath. Duncan stepped forward, and protested. "Dude, you can't leave!" The Grips got on stage, too. "Yeah! Can't we just vote off Chef instead?" Both me and Chef angrily looked at Justin. "Sorry, but I gotta make it right... for Mama."

*

"DJ, I'm not being funny, but this is the second time you've left me to parent your animal. You can't keep doing this." I complained, holding Mabel in my hands. "I can't take care of her at home. You'll do great. See ya', guys!" He got into the car without another word, and it sped off, leaving Owen, who tried to catch it, in the dust. "PLEASE STILL SEND FOOD!" I was angry for a whole entire new reason. "DJ, DAMN IT! TAKE YOUR STUPID PET MOUSE BACK!"

"Well, folks. Looks like Owen's gravy train just high-tailed it out of town. Now that he's survived this week's fright fest, will Owen be able to bear the most horrific, stomach-churning, gut-wrenching challenge ever?" Owen raised a brow. "What is it?" "Chef's cooking!" He screamed, and collapsed onto the ground, much to the entertainment of my dad. "I love this game."

*

"Three." I spoke quickly, pacing back and forth, on the phone.

"Three... what?" He responded. I couldn't see him, but he was clearly confused.

"Three god damn animals, Cody! I've gotta take care of three wild, lost animals, two of which, aren't even mine!" I complained, rubbing the bridge of my nose in annoyance.

"DJ can't take care of 'em, you know. This motel has a no-animal policy." He tried to excuse his actions, but I wasn't having it.

"Who cares?! Don't just dump them with me! Sure, I might excuse Bunny, 'cause, like, the first one died, or something, but I can't have Mani and Mabel in a close proximity to each other, or else I'm gonna have a lot more than two mice to deal with!"

"Alright, alright. Um, I've gotta go, anyway. Me and Zeke are having a card game later."

"Fine. Love you, hun." I sighed.

Chapter Text

I was reading a book that I had still yet to finish in Craft Services, while listening to music. Where everyone was eating their crappy breakfast, full with cockroaches. I was already in a bad mood because of what happened last night. Harold quickly coughed up his gruel, and wiped his mouth. "I really miss DJ's cooking. It was as awesome as this is completely grossitating." "Yeah, uh, can't you cook for us, Lewis?" I looked up from my book. "Yes." "Really!?" "No."

I returned my focus down to my book, but suddenly perked up when I heard Beth speak. "I wish my boyfriend was here. He's such a great cook." I spun around almost instantly, and laughed mockingly, pulling my headphones down around my neck. "BOYFRIEND?! YOU have a boyfriend?!" "Oh, yeah. I have a boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. What? Didn't I mention my boyfriend before?"

"You... sure do like that word, 'boyfriend'. When did you two meet?" Leshawna said suspiciously. "We met between TV seasons." Beth explained. I raised a brow. "Weren't you guys at Playa des Losers for the entirety of those... months? When did YOU have time to get a boyfriend?" I spoke, narrowing my eyes. "I was on medical leave to go to the orthodontist! He was getting his braces off at the same time as me. At first, I wasn't into him. After the braces came off, look out! Such a cutie."

She held up a photo of this 'boyfriend', and it looked like a stock image. There was no way any boy could look that perfect. Well, apart from Justin. Speaking of Justin, him, Owen and Lindsay all snickered at the photo, which confused Beth a bit.

/// Izzy ///

"Okay! I bought a lotta junk off late-night infomercials, but I ain't buyin' that!"

/// End ///

Me and Heather looked at each other in disbelief, before she spoke up. "So, you have a boyfriend, huh? Prove it." Beth, surprisingly, was eager to tell us more about this boyfriend of hers. "Sure! I can tell you everything about him. He's 6'0 tall, has light brown hair, blue eyes, size 10 shoe, 32 pant with a 34-inch inseam!" Justin snatched the photo of him, and turned it around suspiciously. "Wait a second. Those stats are all written on the back of his picture. I know a comp card when I see one. Because I'm a... professional male model!"

"Yeah, we get it, Mr. Man-Candy, sir." I said, flicking a cockroach away from my book. "Yeah, well... maybe he's a model, too! You ever thought of that?" Beth took her photo back, and frowned. Duncan scraped his bowl of gruel into Harold's while talking. "No. No one ever thought of that." Leshawna raised a brow. "You been chasing after a boyfriend all this time, with a honey back home?" She got angry at her final words, because she saw it as ungrateful.

Beth grinned, and held the photo close to her chest. "Sure, my boyfriend's a model, but he's still just a guy. Justin is a super-model! I can't help myself! Now that my braces are off, it's a whole new dating world." "Oh, honey, you'll find out soon it really isn't." I remarked, although was brushed off. I didn't really care though.

"Aw, cool, bendy straws! These are just like the ones they had at the hospital where I had my kidneys switched." Harold exclaimed, as he took a few. Owen seemed interested, and let Harold explain. "I was born with a rare kidney condition. My left kidney was where the right one should be." Leshawna's eyes widened. "You had a surgical kidney swap!?" "That's right. I'm a rare case." He said proudly. Heather scoffed, and rolled her eyes. "Hm! You're a rare case, alright." Harold shoved a handful of straws in his pocket. "Whatever. I'm loading up!"

Owen was eating noisily, nearly like a dog. "Owen, mind keeping it down?" I glanced his way.

I couldn't hear my music over his sloppy eating! That's shocking, because my music is loud enough that anybody near me can hear it coming from my headphones.

"I think Owen's taste buds packed up and moved to France years ago." Heather scowled at him, and dismissed his mess. "I wish I had this disgusting slop around last time I was trying to stick to my diet." Lindsay spoke unenthusiastically, watching the gruel drip off of her spoon, and back into the bowl.

All of a sudden, Harold cleared his throat, and spoke loudly. "This haute cuisine is obviously too complex for our unsophisticated taste buds, right?" While everyone was shocked to hear that, they soon found out it was to make Chef not get angry at their insults. Owen, though, was chewing it incredibly fast. "I give it five stars!" "I hate suck-ups." He frowned, and walked off.

Dad walked in, and seemed to be entertained by something. "Not to worry, folks. You won't be hanging on to your lunch for much longer." Duncan folded his arms, and raised a brow. "And... what torture, exactly, have you concocted for us today?" "Oh, nothing. Just that your day will be total disaster! Get it? It's a disaster movie theme! You know, like in disaster flicks? People running for their lives from volcanoes, earthquakes, asteroids, tidal waves... the more disastrous, the better!"

/// Lindsay ///

"My hair is already a total disaster! It's been three weeks since I've had a trim! Split ends city! How much worse could it get?!"

/// End ///

We'd moved over to the first obstacle course, and it didn't look too bad to me. Just some classic boot camp stuff. "Your first challenge is... the Earthquake of Inevitable Pain! Each team has to run the course, challenging your dexterity, manoeuvrability, and other mad monkey skills. First team to the top wins! Best out of two earns today's first reward."

People were shocked to see Chef preparing to throw cement blocks at them. As if he doesn't already do that!

"Ooh! My boyfriend had a summer job cleaning up after earthquakes and landslides." I narrowed my eyes at Beth, but Izzy got to her before me. "Nope! Still not buying it. But, I did cave and buy the electronic salad spinner! Woowoowoo! Haha! Whoo!" "Enough with the chitty-chat! Take your marks..."

Both teams lined up to run their side of the course, and Leshawna was the only one working herself up for the challenge. "This'll be a cinch." Heather confidently said. "I can't wait to swing on the monkey bars!" Beth honestly said. I raised a brow, and turned to Dad. "...She's older than me?" "Yeah. I honestly thought I had the wrong person at first. Anyway... ACTION!"

Both teams set off, getting past the tires with, somewhat, ease. "How easy is this?!" Izzy questioned, although it wasn't that easy. Considering my dad was a madman, he didn't let them have it easy for long. It wasn't going to be an earthquake challenge without the earthquake. When the ground underneath them began rumbling, Izzy and Beth collapsed on top of each other. "If you break it, you buy it! Hahaha!"

Duncan and Heather both fell, but they weren't stuck like Beth and Izzy were, luckily. Harold made his way over to the monkey bars, and hung on quite well, but that was until Chef threw a rugby ball at him, which caused him to crash into Leshawna, and they both collapsed off of the bars. "OW, MY RIGHT KIDNEY!"

Chef was going crazy with everything he was allowed to throw at people. When Justin had reached the monkey bars, he was hit in the face with a rubber duck, and it was clear he was NOT happy about it. "AH! My precious cheekbones..." With a smug grin, Dad turned off the whole thing, giving them a break, much to Beth's relief. Unfortunately, that didn't last long, because of the fact that 'aftershock' existed.

Owen did not take it well, because he threw up everything he'd eaten this morning in the span of a few seconds. "My delicious lunch, lost forever..." Dad smirked again, and sarcastically spoke. "Oh, yeah. That reminds me... it's lava time!" He slammed his fist down on a button, and two hatches opened, which, I can only assume, was full to the brim with ketchup or something. Otherwise, we'd have lost a set. 

While the cast members tried to avoid the obviously-fake lava, Dad couldn't get enough. "Hoo-wee! Is it getting hot in here? How 'bout a cool, refreshing hail storm?!" He got into his cart that had a cannon full of golf balls, and was ready to make these kids quit at that point. "Golf ball-sized hail is bad. But hail-sized golf balls are even worse! Haha!" He started shooting golf balls at everybody, which I honestly thought was a bit far, but I wasn't in charge.

Izzy got hit with a few, which boosted Dad's ego. "I got one!" He grinned at Chef, who simply found him cute. "Don't get cocky, kid." I laughed gently at them, before turning back to watch the contestants getting tortured on the obstacle course. Justin was getting pummelled with the golf balls, which was quite a sight to see. "NO! NOT THE FACE!"

/// Justin ///

"I give up. There's no way I'll get that skincare line endorsement now..." He felt a bump on his face from the injury. "Oh... not-so silky smooth..."

/// End ///

"AFTER-AFTERSHOCK!" Dad yelled, and pressed another button, but this was on a remote, so he wasn't actually near me. Lindsay screamed, as the ground beneath her split open. Unfortunately, she lost her balance, and fell directly into the hole. For some, strange reason, Justin was there to catch her before she fell. Also unfortunately, Owen stumbled back onto Justin, and sat on top of his back.

He grunted, and spoke wheezily. "I can't breathe." "Haha, I'm still... carrying a little holiday weight." 

From what? Christmas? It's April, Owen.

Beth approached without a care, bragging about, you guessed it, her boyfriend. "My boyfriend was a part of a rescue team that saved people stuck in avalanches. He used to say-" Justin interrupted, and struggled to keep both Lindsay and Owen up. "Beth? We need actual advice, from real-life... living... people!" She frowned, before pulling them up in a struggle. "H-Hurry! They're getting a lead!" Owen looked to the Gaffers.

The Gaffers were crossing over the rolling log, although only Duncan and Heather safely made it. When it came to be Harold's turn, he was pelted with golf balls, and fell into the pit below with a scream. Dad started to fire at the Grips, and to nobody's surprise, Owen was the one taking all of the hits. "Everyone, get behind me!" He exclaimed several times in pain when being hit with these golf balls. "S-Shouldn't someone be yelling 'fore'?! Ow!"

Dad laughed, and yelled 'fore', only to find out his gun had been completely emptied. "Hey, it stopped!" Owen spoke with relief. Dad wasn't happy, though. "Chef! Do something!" In an effort to stop the contestants as quickly as possible, Chef reversed into the back of the obstacle course, and crashed the car in order to do his job. 

Well, he threw a plant pot at Leshawna, so I guess that qualifies.

I walked over to the car where Dad was, and looked up at him. "Need some help?" "If you wouldn't mind..." "Hmph. I got you." While Chef was busy throwing chainsaws, blenders, and other really dangerous stuff, I was busy pulling my dad out from the car crash he'd just suddenly been forced into. I overheard the other teams talking and Owen, getting distracted. 

"Ah! Hang on, team! We're almost there! Uh- Please, after you." Of course, the cause was Izzy. "Oh, come on. You're the one who sacrificed himself for us! I insist." A cat flew by them, and nearly hit us, but it was luckily fast enough to dodge us. "Ladies first." I finally managed to get Dad out after a lot of struggling, and we both fell back onto the ground. I huffed, and propped myself up. "He needs to learn not to crash every car we give him." "He needs to learn not to crash the car with ME inside!" Dad pouted, fixing his hair.

/// Beth ///

"Did Owen actually break his jaw?!" She gasped. "That's so tragic! Owen lives to eat!"

/// End ///

/// Izzy ///

"Owen is my buddy! He's the only one who truly gets me. Well, apart from Lewis. But, if something happens to Owen, I'd be stuck with my imaginary friends! And, let's face it. I should've ditched them years ago." She hit her head with her fist. "Yeah, Phil. I'm talkin' to you!"

/// End ///

Owen was screaming in pain while the camera crew did nothing but record his agony. Dad was standing up on a stool, trying to get the right angle. I was standing down beside Chef, while the Gaffers watched him in shock. "Um, Chris? Why doesn't the crew go over and help him?" "Yeah, yeah. As soon as we're done getting every shot! The good news is, it looks like Owen won the challenge for the Killer Grips."

The Killer Grips cheered happily for themselves, while Harold and Leshawna protested. "Oh no, he didn't!" "Yeah, we got our whole team to cross the finish line." "Serious injury trumps all." Dad explained, shrugging. "You just make up the rules as you go along, don't you?" Heather glared, only to be responded with Dad's pleasure. "I love my job."

*

An ambulance had to be called for Owen. I mean, I was the one that called for it, but that doesn't really matter. Both the Killer Grips and Screaming Gaffers watched in worry as the ambulance drove away, but Dad just wanted to get to commercial break. "The wounded Owen. What will become of him. Stay tuned to find out!"

*

We were all standing outside this massive submarine, which didn't seem safe to me at all on first glance. "How's Owen doing?" Izzy asked nervously, hoping for a good answer. "Oh, Owen's fine. A little broken jaw, but it's all wired shut now. Shouldn't take more than 4 to 6 weeks to heal." Beth gasped, and covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh, no! It's that bad?" "I mean, um... he's doing fine!" Dad corrected himself, but nobody believed him.

/// Chris ///

"That's what release forms are for!" He held up a few papers. "Correct-a-mundo...?"

/// End ///

"Alright. Now it's time for the second disaster-themed challenge. Who's excited?" Literally nobody was. They all stayed silent in their rafts. "Because of Owen's win, the Grips have the advantage of getting this handy-dandy piece of paper for the second disaster challenge." He threw it over to the Grips, and it hit Lindsay in the eye. She reacted with a yelp, before picking it up, and looking at it.

Oh, and you expect them to know Roman Numerals? Smart move, dude. Smart move.

"What good is this? It just has some dumb numbers on it!" Lindsay complained, but Beth raised her hand enthusiastically. "Ooh! I think it's a lock combination!" I rolled my eyes at their idiocy, before Dad spoke up, ready to start the challenge. "Okay, time to get inside!" Leshawna widened her eyes as she looked at the rusty old submarine. "You crazy?! I'm not getting in that tin can!" Dad found this the perfect opportunity to tease. "Not even for a million bucks~?" She thought for a moment, before folding her arms. "Better be carpeted in there."

*

Once the submarine was submerged under the water, nobody could see them or what they were doing. That's why there were cameras in there to make sure they weren't cheating, or anything like that. While I was sitting on the docks, Dad and Chef went to Craft Services to spy on them. 

The sonar inside the submarine was beeping over the top of their voices, and it was obvious Leshawna was sceptical. "I don't like this. Not one little bit." That's when an alarm started blaring, and every contestant immediately freaked out. 

They thought they were going to die. Pfft! Imagine!

"W-What's going on?!" Justin nervously asked, looking around him. He looked down to see that Beth had attached herself to him, and was really enjoying it. "Who cares? I could stay like this all day!" He pulled his hands away, and backed away, disturbed by how comfortable she was getting.

Now you know how I felt, buddy.

"For this challenge, you've gotta get out, before it's too late!" Dad's voice came over the P.A. I raised a brow, and asked the same question Heather did. 

"Too late? Too late for what?"

"Oh, you'll find out. Haha!"

I do NOT like the sound of that.

Out of nowhere, water started rushing in through a burst pipe, and it was filling up the submarine. "What is that?" Justin asked again, although it was clearly water. "I really wish my boyfriend were here! He's a registered lifeguard!" Beth exclaimed, nervously looking around them. "Uh-huh. Yeah. It would be great if here were here, you're right. You know what would be better?" Izzy questioned. Beth tilted her head. "What?" "IF HE EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE! Now let's get out of this death trap!" Izzy yelled, looking around for an exit.

With the Gaffers, Heather was more concerned about her comfort than her safety. "This water is freezing! And, it's too dark to see anything!" She complained, while Duncan was trying a hatch on the door. "No problem. I've got great night vision. A lot of the stuff I get up to happens when the sun goes down." Heather rolled her eyes at his relaxed demeanour, but was brought away from that when he started to order people around. "This should help. Get to work, everybody!"

The Grips' water level was rising way too fast. When Izzy tried to open the same hatch Duncan did, she only spun it faster, and caused the water to get higher, faster. "Oof! Oh, wow, heh! What a headrush!" Lindsay happily cheered. "Yay for Izzy's hard head!" Justin looked up, shining his flashlight at the hatch on the roof. "Hey, look. I think it's a way out!" Beth pointed her flashlight to the hatch on the floor. "Or maybe that's the exit?"

The Gaffers had set their sights on the hatch on the floor. "This one's closest, so let's try it first." Leshawna proposed, but Heather had a question. "Anyone know how to pick a lock?" Harold spoke up, once again. "Actually, I learnt how to open a combo lock at Picky Steve's Lock-Picking Camp."

Okay, who is this 'Steve' dude, and why does he have so many camps?!

"Heh! Well, you do have mad skills." Leshawna complimented him, and Harold took it happily. "Yeah, well- WOAH!" Duncan kicked the back of his knees so he collapsed onto the floor. "The water is rising, so get to it, Haroldini!"

The Grips weren't having much luck, either. Mainly because the majority of their team consisted of idiots. "Oh, no! It's a combination lock!" Beth worriedly said, while Izzy raised a brow. "Sound familiar?" She asked Lindsay, and they shared a long look with each other. It was clear Lindsay wasn't getting the hint, so Izzy took the paper with the combination on it out of Lindsay's pocket. Still, she didn't get it. "How are we ever going to open it?"

"Guys, we better get to it before the water gets too high!" Beth yelled, shining her flashlight down at the nearly-covered hatch of water. Justin walked over to Izzy, and snatched the paper from her. "I'll do it!" Lindsay tried to reach for the paper. "No, I want to do it!" They began to bicker like children.

"Just give it to me. Lindsay- Lindsay- Lindsay!"
"Look, I just- But I wanna do it! Come on!"

Unfortunately, their bickering lead to the dropping of the paper, and the smudging of the ink. When Izzy picked it up again, she could barely make out the numerals on the page. She crumpled it up in her hand, and hit it against her head several times, growling in frustration. Justin and Lindsay approached, as if they'd done nothing wrong. "So, come on, what are the numbers, read 'em out!" She paused, before yelling. "ACK! I'M SURROUNDED BY LOONS!" She stormed off, but Lindsay and Justin looked around. "Where?" "Oh, I love ducks!" "AAAAGH!"

Harold was trying to pick the lock from underwater, but also trying to keep his head above water level. When it reached his face, he stood up, and gasped. "I can't do it. I need more time! If only I had gills..."

/// Harold ///

"How cool would that be, if I had gills? I really should've been born with gills. Life can be so unfair."

/// End ///

Leshawna looked up to the hatch on the roof, and proposed another idea. "Maybe we could boost each other up!" Duncan clasped his hands together so that Leshawna could climb onto his shoulders. She did with several grunts, and Heather climbed onto her. "I can't... r-reach!" She did try, but sent the tower of three collapsing.

"UGH! Where is Lewis when you need him?!" Heather asked, growling at the misfortune that'd she'd gotten herself into.

Right here, honey.

"Did I mention I don't like water? 'Cause I don't! Not a fan!" Leshawna worriedly spoke, looking up at her afro. Heather put her hands on her hips, and glared. "Funny. You look like a floater." "Is that another big girl joke? Huh!?" They immediately began fighting, but Duncan came in between them, pushing them away from each other. "You two- fight like girls! We'll just float up to the top with the water, and open the hatch." "Funny, you don't look like a thinker." Harold remarked, but got pushed under the water by Duncan. 

The Grips ran out of ideas. And, they were up to their chests in water. "So... um... hm. Anybody got any ideas?" Izzy asked awkwardly, filling the silence. "My boyfriend used to do underwater photo shoots, and taught me how to hold my breath for a really long time!" Justin nodded at Beth. "My agent totally wants me to do that." Beth gasped, and grinned. "Brady could teach you! Haha! Then I could have you both to myself..."

Izzy gasped, and pointed up. "Guys, there's something here. It might be a way out. Pull, c'mon!" She tried to pull on the roof's hatch, but there was no change. Justin tried helping, and they did get it open, but a shark came out, and nearly snapped their hands off. "No good. Any other ideas?" 

Heather tried the same hatch. "I got it! AH-!" When she opened it, she was met with a large blaze of fire, and quickly shut it. "Nope. No good. Any other ideas?" She had only just realized she'd backed off, and began to cower into Duncan's chest. She pulled away, and angrily splashed him with water.

I'd overheard some static from Craft Services, where Dad and Chef were having a conversation.

 "Fire, huh? Don't you think that's a bit much?"

/// Chef ///

"Seriously! I'm just not in the mood! Bustin' my hump for a bunch of snot-nosed little-" He slammed his fist down on the table. "Don't I deserve a little me-time!?"

/// End ///

"Really. It might be time to end the challenge. The water's getting pretty high. And, uh, those kids are terrible swimmers."

"FOCUS! I want my chips back. I'm starving."

"This is getting serious! Turn off the water!"

Out of nowhere, I heard a snap, and I knew that was not good.

"We've gotta get the cast outta there! Simple formula! No more contestants equals no more episodes, equals no pay check, and the end of my luxurious lifestyle!"

"Texas Hold 'Em?"

"You're not hearing me!"

"What? Gin Rummy?"

Well, crap. That's not good. I knew something was up- I KNEW something was wrong! Now the stupid lever's broken, and that cast is gonna drown, and I'm gonna lose my accommodation privileges! I cannot have that. I won't have that.

[okay this is gonna switch between 3rd person and lewis a lot, so lewis is italics, and 3rd is normal text.]

Ugh. I know I've gotta save them, but... they're gonna see! I don't wanna let them see my... no, no. 

Screw that! You're gonna kill all your friends for your comfort? That's crazy! Heck no!

I hesitated, before just sliding into the lake, shirt and all. I could, luckily, see underwater, so it didn't take me long to find the submarine. It was completely closed off. The hatch on the bottom was jammed, even I unlocked the lock, and I had a bad feeling it wasn't supposed to be.

I grunted as I tried to pull it open, but it didn't work, at all.

Leshawna was freaking out. "T-This could be it! The end! Like... the end-end! A-And I wanna live!" She began to cry, and her mascara smudged. "I know you're scared, but you don't have to cry. I'll save you." Harold comforted Leshawna, but she slapped away his hand in denial. "Who said anythin' about crying!? Leshawna never cries!" Duncan frowned. "You sure blubbered enough when a reward was on the line!"

-

"For your reward..."

"I-I'm sorry, it's just... fightin' for your lives... it's been so stressful! I- I thought I was gonna lose you."

-

"All in favour?"

"Aye!"

-

"You're a total sham!" Duncan scowled at Leshawna. Heather spoke in disbelief. "You mean, Leshawna fake-cried to get the reward with Leshaniqua?!"

C'mon, c'mon...

Out of nowhere, I found it really hard to take in any air. Like, a really bad kinda burning in my chest. I wasn't pulling as strong as I used to, as well...

...Aw, screw this, I can go another minute without- without air, I'll be fine.

Harold thought for a second, before pulling his handful of straws out of his pocket. "Wait! I just remembered something! Quick! Help me make a snorkel!" He put one in his mouth, and handed the rest to Leshawna, before sinking underwater.

Chris was watching this very anxiously. "Brilliant! Harold's gonna save the day! Once the hatch is open, it'll drain the water out of both the rooms! And I'll still have a pay check!" He happily hugged Chef, who didn't seem at all pleased with his behaviour. Unfortunately, they weren't paying attention to what Lewis was doing.

Since pulling and pushing stopped working, and I was only running out of breath, I tried kicking the door open. It still wouldn't budge. I was using all of my strength trying to get this crap open. Using my shoulders wasn't working either.

At that moment, I genuinely did not have the strength to do anything. I couldn't keep myself up.

-

Harold had nearly gotten the lock picked. The water level was only rising, and there was only so little time left. Chris was watching this entire fiasco, absolutely terrified for the well-being of his competitors, while Chef was busy playing cards. Heather was the only one encouraging him. "Come on, Harold! C'mon, there's not much time left!"

As soon as he'd gotten the hatch open, he wasted no time in getting the hell out of the submarine. But first, he signalled to his team, who quickly followed after him, all as nervous as each other. After Chris'd seen this, he immediately began cheering and happily laughing.

The water in the Grips' submarine leaked out too, leaving them practically gasping for breath. Lindsay, however, saw this as a plus. "Phew! This'll make escaping from underwater MUCH easier!"

Whilst the Gaffers were heading upwards, out of the lake for the dock, Duncan had bumped into either something, or someone. His eyes widened once he realized who exactly it was, and he immediately slowed down to help him get to the docks.

*

"Lewis... are- are you okay?"

...What...?

What am I...?

"I don't think he's dead... is he...?"

...Uh... I- I don't...

"We'll never hear the end of it! Chris is totally gonna kill us!"

I wearily opened my eyes, only to be met with... like... really bright light. I squinted them to try and not get blind, and it worked... sorta.

"Oh, thank God."

I didn't know who was around me. Their faces were... weird. So were their voices... and their bodies... 

"No way we can go back to the trailers yet. If Chris sees his kid like this, then..."

I wasn't paying attention that much.

I don't... who the hell is... 'Chris'?

I sat up with a groan, feeling real bad all over. My arms hurt, and my legs hurt, and my chest hurt.

What even happened...?

"Well, we can't NOT go back! They're more experienced in this than us. May I remind you of the medical challenge...?"

Medi... what? ... Who's 'they'...?

I glanced down at my hands, unsure of what was going on. I rubbed my eyes, and it helped me see a little better, but not a lot.

"Fine! We'll take him back. If we go through an elimination ceremony, you're getting booted off, Heather!"

Heather...

That sounds familiar...

"Come on, Lewis!"

"...What?"

I questioned, being helped up by the guy shouting at 'Heather'.

"I said, come on! Jeez!"

"Lay off, Heather! He's nearly died, give him a minute!"

Nearly... um... hm...

Wait... wait, wasn't this the... the disaster challenge, right...?

I'm starting to put... names to faces...

Duncan was helping me get back to the trailers. I still don't know how I nearly died. Well, I can't remember... um...

"What... happened, again...?"

I asked, wanting to understand the whole thing.

"Dude, I dunno. All I do know is that when we swam up to get to the docks, I bumped into you, and you weren't moving."

...Swam. I was... swimming, and... something else happened. It was, like... I know I was trying to help somebody...

"That's just great! He can't even remember what happened. How are we gonna explain this to Chris, now?!"

Heather angrily yelled, but it looked like she was scared, more than anything...

Is she... scared of Chris?

"Um... I- I think we shouldn't...?"

"Are you crazy?! First, we find you nearly dead in the lake, next, you convince us you can't remember anything, and now, you're telling us we shouldn't tell Chris about this?!"

"...Yeah. I- I mean... you're worried about him... right? S-So... make up an excuse, or something, a-and... you won't get into trouble...?"

"Okay, he's gone crazy."

She stormed off further ahead, but I didn't see what I said wrong.

"That's... not a bad idea, Lewis! We should just not tell him anything!"

I still don't know who this... 'Chris' person is. Can someone tell me?

*

'Kay... I- I think I remember now.

So... I wanted to help the people from drowning in the challenge... but I couldn't get the door thing open... and then I think I passed out?

And... also... this 'Chris' person is my dad, but... it's still sorta foggy?

"Maybe I can just... sleep this thing off...?" I spoke out loud, sitting by the campfire.

"That's entirely possible, because your brain needs time to reorganize and consolidate your memories." Harold said, but I didn't really understand what 'consolidate' was.

"Well, that was a pretty exciting day, huh?" Chris walked past some people, and stood in front of the fire. 

"Looks like another reward win for the Gaffers. Seems like the Grips are a tad overdue. But... haha... I wouldn't hold my... breath. Hahahaha!"

Apparently, that wasn't very funny.

"And now, let's see what the Gaffers have won! Oh! An all-expenses paid trip to beautiful British Columbia! That's right. You'll be staying at the luxurious inn upon the volcano! A charming lodge teetering on the edge of a little known active volcano on Vancouver Island. To get you there... you'll be enjoying an exhilarating, eight-day hike up the craggy, treacherous-"

"NO, THANK YOU!" Duncan sounded like he really didn't want to do it. I dunno why he was so tense.

/// Duncan ///

"I can't believe we were actually gonna drown. Did the producers lose their minds?! Lewis basically DID drown! ...But... it would've been a pretty cool way to go, on national TV, and all."

/// End ///

/// Harold ///

"I had it all under control. I work best under pressure." He giggled. "Get it? Pressure? Water pressure?" He chuckled again, and snorted as his joke. "I'm hilarious. Even when my life is in danger."

/// End ///

"We'll just take some chips and pop, if that's okay?" Leshawna said, in annoyance.

"Suit yourselves. More money for my end-of-the-year bonus." Chris shrugged, stuffing the paper back into his pocket.

/// Heather ///

"THAT'S what they call a prize?! Right. All we need after today is a disastrous-themed vacay!"

/// End ///

*

I was trying to make sense of the book I think I'd left here before the challenge. It's about this girl called Charlie Davis, or something similar to that...

"You sure you ain't wanna eat nothing? It won't be good for you." Leshawna asked, holding up a chip.

"Um, no thanks. I have a real bad feeling about eating those..." I pointed out, glancing upwards for a second.

Okay, so this girl doesn't like her mom, 'cause she did something really bad... and her childhood best friend is gone... oof. 

I'd hate to be her.

...Wait a second.

Chapter Text

...I feel worse than I did yesterday. I don't even wanna get out of bed today.

"OUTTA MY WAY!" "I CALL DIBS!" "NO, ME FIRST!"

My eyes widened, and my grip on my blanket tightened. I didn't exactly care for that rude awakening. Despite that, I sat up, and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Since everybody was gone, doing... whatever the hell they were arguing over... I could actually get changed by myself, without having to leave.

Once I did that, I headed outside to see what everybody else was doing. 

It looked like I was the last one out, but I didn't really care about that.

"Today, we're all about war movies, so look lively, you-" "Buckets of horse doo-doo!" "So, get ready for the first death-defying challenge, you-" "Disgusting, slimy crustaceans!" "Move it, privates! Fall in!" "Sir, yes, sir!"

...Who's that guy?

/// Duncan ///

"I've always wanted to be in the Marines! They're rough, tough, they wear rad boots, and they say, 'Hoo-ah!'. No clue what it means, but it just sounds so cool. Hoo-ah!"

/// End ///

"I'm so pumped! My squad in Battlefront has won ten online multiplayer gaming titles. The secret to our success? Teamwork." Harold spoke happily, while Duncan rolled his eyes. "This is the real world, virtual loser. You wanna win? Sit back, and let me get my Marine on. I'm the main course, and the rest of you are gravy. As in, on the side."

Harold frowned. "You won't be saying that when I bust out my deadly numb-yo. No longer must we live in fear of ninja attacks. Not when I'm carrying this bad boy. I will defeat all enemies. And, smite them with dishonour." He was doing these weird things with his toy, but that was only before Duncan came and shoved a stick in the way. He got, like, all tied up and stuff, before the toy hit him again. "Aw! My nether regions!"

He fell to the ground, while Duncan laughed. "Harold just took a numb-yo in the numb-yos!" Everybody else laughed at the joke, but I didn't understand it. "What a loser! Haha!" "That wasn't funny, Duncan. Stop being such a jerk!" I yelled back at him, while kneeling down so that I could help Harold get himself out of the situation. Duncan didn't care though, 'cause he walked off with Heather and Leshawna, all of them still laughing.

/// Lewis ///

"Okay, I might not remember everything yet, but why the heck is Duncan being such a jerk to Harold!? What did Harold do that was so bad he deserves this?"

/// End ///

We got to the place the first challenge was, and they were supposed to be jumping from a plane, but they weren't supposed to KNOW they were jumping from a plane, so that's why they were wearing blindfolds.

"Okay, people! Remove your blindfolds!" They did, but they didn't seem suspicious at all. "When it comes to making a war movie, jumping out of an airplane is the most dangerous stunt there is. So, naturally, it's our first challenge!" Harold, Heather, and Owen gasped after learning what they were doing.

The blonde one turned to the girl next to her, and spoke really loudly. Probably 'cause the plane door was open, and it was hard to hear. "If we live, I was thinking I should totally be our team's admiral!" The girl raised a brow, as she explained to the blonde girl. "Admirals are in charge of sailors! Generals are in charge of soldiers... generally!" The blonde girl leaned in closer, and nodded. "But admiral sounds cuter! So, now, I'd like to be called, 'Admiral Lindsay, her Hotness', okay?"

This tanned dude walked over and sat down next to the two girls, and put his arms around both of them. "Lindsay, Beth! I want to propose something, but don't get excited, it's not marriage!" He laughed, but the two girls didn't find it funny. "Uh... anywho, it's a long way from the airplane to the ground below!" "Three kilometres, to be exact!" The brown-haired girl answered, but he quickly shook his head. "Wouldn't know, math is for ugly people."

She's not ugly. She's just... unattractive.

"Here's the deal! I need you two to jump before me in case I need a soft place to land, okay?!" He blinked at them both, but they weren't really enthusiastic. "Now, you girls now that I don't blink these eyelashes at just anybody!" He did it again, but nothing changed. "Nothing?! When were your last eye exams?!"

"Drop zone approaching! Form a line, it's time to partay! Stunt people undergo weeks of training before they parachute! Luckily, we're gonna skip all that and get to the good part! Jumping!" Harold stood up nervously. "Are you sure that's a good idea?!" "What's the worst that could happen!?" Chris asked, and a guy with a wired jaw answered him. "We die!" "I know! Hilarious! Haha! Time to jump!"

The ginger girl looked really excited to be jumping with the blonde guy. "There's only one way outta this big ol' silver bird! And it's through that door! Let's dance!" She tried pushing him, but he would shift at all, even when she tried really hard. "C'mon, it's not that scary." "Hello? Crazy girl's pushing me off an airplane, and I don't have a parachute lesson yet." 

Chris put his phone away, and talked to the blonde guy. "That's okay! I just spoke to our research department! There were no parachutes in World War I!" Heather narrowed her eyes, and raised a brow. "So, what do we do for a challenge?" "Simple!" He kicked the box of parachutes off of the plane, and the Gaffers, except Leshawna, gasped.

Chris walked over to me after everybody started freaking out, and asked me something. "Aren't you gonna lecture me?" I raised a brow. "Why would I lecture you?" "Because... it's dangerous?" I still didn't get why I'd lecture him. "And... making them jump out of a plane without parachutes and training could probably kill them?" He explained, but it wasn't really my responsibility. So, I shrugged, brushing it off. "Okay, that's cool, I guess." He didn't get why I wasn't lecturing him.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the dad supposed to lecture the kid, and not the other way around?

"For the love of everything deep-fried, don't ask me to do this!" The blonde guy started to beg on his knees for Chris to not make him jump out of the plane. "You won't do it for me, maybe you'll do it for a corn-beef blendee! Fetch, boy!" ...But he changed his mind after he threw a can of corn-beef out of the plane.

When the guy jumped out, the plane lost a bunch of weight, so every contestant fell out of the door, unwillingly. They all tripped falling out, too, but it wasn't really a problem, because there was a mattress to land on. The blonde guy looked around in surprise, before cheering for himself. "We're alive! Woo-hoo! Oh, it's good to be alive!"

"Let's roll, soldiers! Because the second part of this challenge is gonna blow your minds! And... everything else within a fifty-foot radius!"

*

The next set was pretty weird because I think the gist of it was to throw bombs at each other. Like, grenades and nukes, and stuff. "Are those... paint bombs?" The blonde girl asked, while the ginger girl started stuffing a bunch into her arms. "We've divided the camp into two halves. Most creative and controlled splatter wins."

"Talk about a challenge custom-made for me! I'm all over this!" Duncan happily grabbed a bunch of bombs in his arms. "Might I suggest you consult your friendly neighbourhood chem expert? Because, what is an explosion other than the chemical reaction of trinitrotoluene decomposing at C7H5N306, 3N2 plus 5H2O plus 7CO?" Me and Heather raised a brow at each other, and she looked like she didn't really get it either.

"Try speaking in English!" She yelled at Harold, while Duncan walked past us. "I... think we might have to stick with Duncan, honey." Leshawna said, watching him leave. "What? Why?" Harold responded, hurt by everybody siding with his bully. "Vandal boy beats big chem nerd. It's a simple equation."

The other team with the people I didn't recognize were being controlled by the blonde person. I think she stole that hat from someone I know, but I only recognize it. "Okay, minions! Admiral Lindsay, Her Hotness is about to tell you how this is going to work!" She leaned down to the brown-haired girl, and whispered, but it was audible. "How is this going to work, again?" The brown-haired girl explained for her. "What we need to do is lay the explosives in a wide, interlocking pattern to ensure maximum paint coverage." 

"What an excellent plan I came up with! Okay, snap to it, please!" Lindsay ordered, snapping her fingers. The blonde guy was lying on the floor, looking not very healthy. "I'm way too weak to even THINK about working..." The tanned guy was relaxing on a hammock, not even opening his eyes. "And my but needs its beauty rest, uh-huh." Lindsay and the brown-haired girl walked over and flipped the hammock, so he fell onto the ground with a grunt. 

"Admiral Lindsay decrees that you will get up and work on this challenge!" She yelled at him, putting her hands on her hips. The tanned guy stood up, and immediately took off his shirt, trying to show off his abs. "Is it getting hot out here? Now, if you'll notice, I don't sport a six-pack. I got twelve. That's a dozen smokin' abdominals." The brown-haired girl furrowed her brows, and ordered him around. "Get to work, lazybones!"

The tanned guy seemed really scared that they weren't fawning over his abs and his face. "This- This can't be right! Have I really lost my lady-controlling mojo?!" He ran over to me, and grabbed me by the shoulders, quite forcefully. "LEWIS! YOU THINK I'M HOT, RIGHT?!" I blinked, and tilted my head. "Who are you, again?" Duncan rushed over, and pulled me away from him. "Haha! Very funny, Lewis! He's just joking. Very funny..." He made up an excuse as he pushed me away, but it didn't seem to convince the tanned guy.

Once we were back with his team, he didn't look happy with me. "Dude! Are you trying to blow your cover!? You need to get your memory in check, before people like Justin start taking advantage of you!" Harold walked up to us, and shook his head. "It's not that simple. In most cases, the brain can take up to weeks to get only some memories back. Even then, it's possible he won't remember everything, ever." 

"Oh, well, that's just great, isn't it? We're totally gonna get caught out!" He exclaimed, shaking his head angrily. "We won't get caught out if he stays with us." Heather approached, crossing her arms. "Don't I already stay in the trailer with the guys? Surely, they'd notice faster." I proposed, which raised a problem for the team. "Okay. There's literally nothing we can do. Chris is totally gonna kill us."

"That, I will!" Chris came out of nowhere. "Woah. I get that they're bombs, dude, but why're you so nervous?" He asked, after seeing what Duncan looked like. Within a second, he shook it off, and took the controller for the bomb off of Chris. "Doesn't matter! Time for a little punk rock!" He pressed down on the handle, and the bombs all went off at once, and there were a bunch of explosions. After they stopped, the paint was organized so it looked like the skull on Duncan's shirt.

"And who says vandalism doesn't pay?" Chris said, before walking away. "Much as it pains me to say so, you did good, Duncan." Harold nodded at Duncan, but it didn't go the way he wanted. "Yeah, no kidding! This is my world you're living in, dork boy!" He forcefully poked Harold in the chest, causing him to growl angrily. Duncan walked away to do his own stuff, but I still didn't get what Harold had done to Duncan that'd made him such a bully.

"Harold, what did you do to Duncan? Why's he being such a jerk?" I asked, watching Duncan walk away with a smug look on his face. "I switched the votes so Courtney got eliminated on Island. You know who she is, right?" He responded, rubbing his chest in pain. "...No. Is she, like, his girlfriend, or something?" "Yeah. She doesn't really like me that much 'cause of it. Actually, you don't like her that much either. You said you hated her."

Whoever this 'Courtney' person is, she sounds like she's been a bully to me, or something.

Out of nowhere, there was this massive explosion of paint where the other team were. I don't know how many bombs the ginger girl put down, but it must've been a lot if it could've made an explosion that big. When Chris walked over, his hair was all messed up, and he was covered in paint. "The Gaffers are victorious!" The team cheered for winning the paint challenge, but they stopped when Chris explained what they were doing. "It is my honour to present to you, your prize. The big trunk of mind-blowing secrets! You'll be defending it with your very lives when we return to more... Total... Drama... Action!"

*

Since the team, which I believe was the Gaffers, was on commercial break, they were trying to go over a strategy with me so I didn't blow my 'cover', whatever that meant.

"So, dude, just don't ask any stupid questions, and don't ask anybody who they are." Duncan ordered me to do, but the others had different ideas. "No, that'll only make things worse." Harold rejected the idea, although Heather thought her idea was better. "Clearly, we're gonna get caught sooner or later, so let's just get it over with!" "You crazy? He cut half the cast after the whole accident last season!" 

"What accident?" I asked, which was followed by all four of them glancing at each other awkwardly. "Uh, nothin', honey. You just got a bit hurt, and Chris got upset, is all." Leshawna explained, but Duncan scoffed. "Pfft! I think 'a bit' is hardly an understatement! It's- It's like a BURIEDstatement!" "Well, I don't think any of us would prefer the cast being cut down from 9, to 5! Or even worse, 4!" Heather worriedly complained, folding her arms. 

They were arguing over me like parents would. Not mine. I mean, I dunno where my mom is. And, I don't think my dad has anyone to argue WITH, so... 

"Uh, guys? We've only got a minute until the break's over." Harold explained, shrugging. "So, we need a strategy, NOW, and we need to stick to it!" Heather exclaimed, pounding her fist into her palm. "Chris was already getting suspicious first challenge. We just need to make sure he's not asking stupid questions." "How can we do that, if he probably doesn't even know what a stupid question IS?!"

"I, uh... I'll just not ask anything, like, at all. Does that work?" I brought up, hoping to calm the argument between them. "Um... yeah. Yeah, that- that works."

*

The break was over and we had a strategy to make sure I didn't let Chris find out, or whatever. Chris was standing beside this big, weird-looking chest. "Contestants, get ready to begin your next war challenge. It's a giant game of Capture the Flag! Except, in this case, the flag is the Trunk of Mind-Blowing Secrets! There's only one way to learn what's in the trunk, and that's to win the challenge. As your reward, we'll give you immunity from tonight's vote. And... a peek inside, but be ready. The secrets inside will blow your brain to bits!"

Harold pointed to his head. "But, I need my brain." "Not to worry. A roll of tape will be provided so you can tape the grey matter back together." He walked past everybody towards a tent with the Gaffers' team symbol on it. "Gaffers, this is your base camp. Our set decoration team wanted to build you guys a towering castle full of defensive possibilities. But, they went to see a movie instead, so... we're gonna give you this! I... think it's a tool shed."

The guy I didn't recognize pulled the sheet off the base camp to reveal it was just a creaky old shed. It collapsed in a matter of seconds. "...Was. Was a tool shed. Good luck!" Chris left nearly instantly with the other guy, whilst Harold and Duncan put the chest down on the ground. "Now, how are we gonna defend this big ol' trunk of secrets without no fort?" Leshawna asked, signalling to the box.

"We'll put our heads together, and come up with a plan." Harold pointed to his head again, while Heather folded her arms. "Some of our heads are emptier than others." "Well, you do whatever you want. I'm gonna go set some booby traps." He walked off.

/// Harold ///

He snickered, and explained what was so funny. "He said 'booby'!"

/// End ///

"In first World War movies, they always have underground hiding places. Foxholes." Harold said, as he handed out shovels to Leshawna and Heather. "If I'm diggin', we're gonna have to call it a foxy-hole." Leshawna remarked, as both her and Heather began digging. Harold then turned to Duncan, who was tying some netting around lights. 

"Duncan, the rest of us agreed on an actual plan, so, if you wouldn't mind, we could use a little help!" Duncan frowned, and turned to him. "Actually, the only thing we agreed on was to keep Lewis away from everybody else, so, if you wouldn't mind, I could use a little you shutting your useless pie hole! I'm busy!" He ran off angrily, leaving me and Harold by ourselves.

/// Harold ///

"I have HAD it with Duncan. I've been giving my all since day 1. Then, Mister Too-Cool-To-Care suddenly wakes up, and everyone falls all over him? He might be standing tall after that first challenge, but the taller the mohawk, the harder it falls."

/// End ///

*

[3rd Person P.O.V.]

*

"Admiral, what's going on?" Beth asked, turning her head towards Lindsay, who was spying on the Gaffers. "Well, Duncan sorta, like... disappeared. And, the rest of them are digging a hole for some weird reason? They're also not letting Liam leave their side." Lindsay explained, watching them closely. "I recommend we attack, immediately!" Beth exclaimed, saluting to Lindsay.

Lindsay turned to her team, and excitedly raised her hand. "Team! Admiral Lindsay, Her Hotness says it's time we attack!" Izzy raised a finger before anyone could follow Lindsay's orders. "Uh, first, Admiral Lindsay. A suggestion from, um, Explosivo. He says... we make a Trojan Taco." Lindsay happily grinned, and nodded. "Ooh, I LOVE Mexican food!"

Izzy then went on to explain how they would pull it off. "Okay. First, we make a giant taco shell. Five kilometres wide. Then, we load it with beef, beans, cheese..." Lindsay nodded again. "And jalapenos? I like it spicy!" Izzy put on a Hispanic accent, and furrowed her brows with enthusiasm. "Sí! Muy, muy caliente! But the salsa, my friends. The salsa we make from... TNT!" Justin and Owen were both shocked to hear this.

Izzy gasped eagerly and returned to her normal voice. "We bring the Trojan Taco to their camp, they take a tasty bite, then... boom-boom!" When she realized nobody was excited like she was, she lowered her arms, and frowned. Lindsay stood up, and announced what she thought the team should do. "People! Admiral Lindsay, Her Hotness decrees that, although Mexican food is very tasty, we will NOT be making the Trojan Taco."

Beth whispered to Lindsay, slightly unsure. "Attack! Remember?" So, Lindsay raised both her voice, and her fist. "We are going to attack! So, let's go down there, and fight!" None of her team was enthusiastic to charge their fort. Owen and Justin sighed, while Izzy rolled her eyes. In order to fix this, Lindsay decided to encourage her team. "Now, listen, peeps. I know you're frightened of going into battle, but I'm here to say, 'Be strong! Be fierce! Be ferocious!' Go and fight for that trunk like it's Boxing Day, and you're fighting for the cutest pair of yoga pants! Show... No... MERCY!" 

Everyone but Lindsay was encouraged by this, and they all cheered, rushing down towards the fort where the Gaffers were. "YEAH!" Lindsay sat back down in her chair, and called to them. "I'll be here when you're done!"

*

[Lewis' P.O.V.]

*

I'm not saying I'm ungrateful, or anything, but using me as bait was sorta against the strategy we'd agreed on. Either that, or I'm just being stupid, and that's another thing I can't remember properly. 

...Y'know, at first, they said they didn't want the other team to manipulate me, but I feel like that's what they're doing instead.

The other team came charging towards the underground fort, but they didn't see it, if you get what I mean. The only thing they saw was me. The brown-haired girl looked around, before turning her head to her team. "Where are they? I just saw them..." They glanced at each other, before turning their focus back to me.

"Lewis... where's the Gaffers?" She asked, approaching me. I looked down at her with some unenthusiasm. Without saying a word, I shrugged, and didn't blow their cover. At least, that's what I thought I did. They didn't believe me, like, at all, and I don't know how they knew I was lying. "I know you'd tell me, right?" The tanned guy thought he could get what he wanted by showing off his looks to me, but it really wasn't that hot. 

I raised a brow, unconvinced. "No. I still don't know who you are, by the way." I walked past them, growing tired of the whole, 'throwing strategy' thing. "What? Yeah, you do." The ginger girl responded, tilting her head at me. "Uh, no. I don't. Now, if you don't mind, I'm outta here." I proceeded to up and leave, but this time, it wasn't even me that let the other team know where the Gaffers were. It was the Gaffers' fault. "Lewis...!"

"There they are!" The other team ran towards the fort, only to be swept up in Duncan's weird camera-lights-trap thing. Duncan came down screaming, and quickly cut the string attached to it, and it sent them all flying back to wherever they charged from. "Great strategy, man! Trick 'em so we can catch 'em!" Duncan complimented me. "It wasn't strategy? I wanted to leave." I just spoke truthfully, but he didn't believe that, either.  

*

[3rd Person P.O.V.]

*

The Grips flew over Lindsay's head, and landed on the ground with a grunt, which caused Lindsay to open her eyes, and turn around to find the source of the noise. "Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay..." Izzy complained, rubbing her head. Beth quickly stood up, and brushed herself off, while Justin rubbed his face to find something horrifying.

"There's- There's... there's a scratch! My face can't continue to take all this abuse! I'm losing it! You- You gotta let me go on leave, Admiral Lindsay!" Lindsay raised a brow at Beth, and pointed at Justin with her thumb. "Are you buying this?" Beth frowned, and placed her hands on her hips. "Nope." Lindsay closed her eyes, and announced her order. "Admiral Lindsay, Hotness, says to drop the crazy act, okay?"

Justin turned to Izzy worriedly. "Izzy. You're sort of female, right? Can you help? I mean, I had Beth and Lindsay wrapped around my finger, and now, I'm getting zero play! Heh... uh, what's the deal?" He questioned, looking up at her. She looked down at him. "Honestly, I never really got it. I don't think you're so cute." Justin angrily got up, and stormed off. "Like I care what you think!"

/// Justin ///

"Me? Not cute? Heh-heh, I'll tell you who's not cute. Blind, crazy people named Izzy!"

/// End ///

Owen looked up at Izzy, who was lying on top of him. "You think I'M cute... right?" Izzy smiled. "'Course! You're super cute. But, that's not important. What did Lewis mean when he said he didn't know who we were?" She asked, thinking to herself out loud. Owen wanted to help Izzy, but he didn't understand it, either. "I dunno. Maybe he was joking?" "No. When Lewis is joking, he sounds like, um, sarcastic. I think the Gaffers are hiding something from us. And Explosivo is going to find out what!"

She quickly got off of Owen, and raced off to find out what was happening. Seeing as he was left alone, Owen didn't have anything to do, so he decided just to give up, and lie on the ground.

*

[Lewis' P.O.V.]

*

I was mainly looking on my phone, trying to figure out who the hell these people were. 

Like... who the hell is 'Geoff'? Is he, like, another contestant, or something? Why's he acting like he's got the biggest ego ever in my text messages? He keeps talking about this girl called 'Bridge', which I can only assume is short for 'Bridgette', but I don't know who she is, either. I think she's his girlfriend.

"Psst! Lewis!" I raised a brow, and looked up from my phone, looking around. I found out that it was just that ginger girl again, and she was acting all crazy, like this Mexican dude called 'Explosivo', or whatever. "You will tell Explosivo what's going on!" She shook me by the shoulders, but stopped once I placed a hand on her arm. "You got multiple personalities, or something?"

I swear I'd known somebody in the past with D.I.D. 

Maybe this was the case with the ginger girl.

She dropped the accent all of a sudden, and let go of me. "Haha, no! I just thought intimidation would work. Why're you saying you don't remember who Justin is?! Don't you have a secret alliance with him?" She asked, scratching her head. I tilted mine in response. "Not that I'm aware of... Why?" "Okay, this, like, totally has to be a joke. Haha! Funny! So what's going on, for real?" "Um... it's not? I genuinely... I'm not in an alliance with anybody."

She took a second to think, putting a hand to her chin. It made me uncomfortable that she was looking me up and down, but I don't know why. "What... are you doing?" "Oh my gosh! I've totally got it! You hit your head yesterday! You just need to hit your head again! That'll get your memory jogging again!" At that announcement, I instantly took a step back. "No. I- I don't think you need to do that."

*

"DUNCAN! H-HELP!" I quickly sped behind him, panting heavily. "Dude! What are you-" "She's trying to knock me out!" He noticed Izzy trying to get to me with a big rock, and was not hesitant to put a barrier in between us both. "Izzy, back off! What the hell!?" "C'mon, let me at him! He needs his memories back! C'mon!" For someone so thin, she was really good at being strong. She nearly got to me. I mean, nearly, if it wasn't for Duncan's build, she probably would've.

When she spotted her team charging down the hill towards us, she made the decision to stop coming after me, and run all the way back up to join them. "Lewis, did you tell her?!" "No! S-She figured it out! She's smarter than you think she is!" His focus was turned away from me when he realized that most of the other team were trying to charge them for the chest. "Four of them, two of us. Don't like these odds..." He snapped his fingers, while keeping his other hand on my arm.

"Well, we do have a secret weapon." Harold said, pulling out his toy from this morning that he hurt himself with. "The numb-yo?! Ah, we're dead meat!" Harold approached the team, getting into this stupid battle stance, on offence, while Duncan was on defence. All the while, the other team was still charging. "I respect your strength, but I will defeat you!" He narrowed his eyes, and was waiting for the perfect moment to attack, but I didn't see one.

Just attack already, Harold!

Him and the other team clashed, and they got into this massive fight. Surprisingly, Harold was the one that actually won it, and left everybody else in a groaning pile of defeat. Seeing that the threat was gotten rid of, Duncan let go of me to approach Harold. "What can I say? You did good! You did real good!" Harold happily nodded at the compliment. "The team did good!" 

Chris walked up to both of them, and past the pile of injured teenagers. "Time's up! The Gaffers have defended the chest, putting them in the winner's circle. That means the Grips will be sending home one of their own tonight. And now, it's time to reveal to the winners... the mind-blowing secrets within this trunk! Here's what you were fighting for, team!"

Duncan and Harold were being super dramatic about there being nothing in the trunk, even after Chris had left them. "All this sadness!" "All these tears!" "Dude, no tears. That was just our eyes watering off Leshawna's butt blasts!" "Still. All this hatred. For what?" "An empty trunk!" "The madness of war!" "WHY!?"

"Dude, it's just an empty box." I remarked, folding my arms.

*

Chris said I was allowed to sit out on this 'Gilded Chris' ceremony, which sounded a little weird, but I think that's just where people get booted off the show. So, instead of doing that, I was trying to find out what I couldn't remember. I didn't want any help, but I knew I needed it.

"So... um... let me get this straight. Bridgette and Geoff are the hosts of Aftermath, and they're dating, E-Scope is Izzy, and so is Explosivo, Cody's my boyfriend, Courtney nearly killed me, Eva's got anger issues, Ezekiel's problematic, Katie and Sadie probably have a thing for each other, Noah's unenthusiasm got him disqualified, Tyler keeps getting forgotten by Lindsay, Trent's a heart-broken musician who went crazy over the number 9, you're the reason Trent went crazy, and you voted yourself off, DJ quit 'cause of an illegal alliance, and... this all happened in... what, the span of, like, a month?"

That was a mouthful.

"Yeah. Oh, you forgot that your mom nearly made you sign an illegal document to kidnap you so she got all the benefits." I blinked at that, before sighing, and rubbing my head. "Jeez... I guess we really do have issues... I- I don't know how you're gonna expect me to remember all of this, Gwen." "You've been through hell, and nobody expects you to remember it. Plus, that's only the Aftermath show. I've got no clue what people are up to on Action."

"...A lot. Izzy nearly cracked my skull open with a rock. Duncan was there, though. Also, I think Heather might have a crush on me? I dunno. Just- It's... a lot's going on. I'll try to get some of my other memories back, but it's still kinda foggy for now."

Chapter Text

"He's... WHAT?!" 

"HAROLD!" 

"And you didn't tell me until NOW!? A WEEK LATER?!"

Ah, crap.

My cover's been blown. I still don't know if I'm using that right.

"BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WOULD PUNISH YOU?! I WILL NOW!"

Chris looks pretty angry. And upset. And.. sorta both. Also scared.

Basically, Chris wanted to know why everybody was acting suspicious about me, and it didn't take long before Harold cracked under the non-existent pressure, and he sorta spilled everything he knew. And Chris flipped. Which brings us up to now.

"CHEF! LISTEN TO WHAT THESE IDIOTS JUST TOLD ME!"

That can't be good. I may not know a lot about him right now, but I know he's got one of the shortest tempers ever, like, in the world. Shorter than Eva's. I think.

...

I can't write what he said, because I'd probably get into trouble for writing it, if anyone ever read this. But, it was bad. He's really angry.

*

"Darn kids, makin' me drive all the way out here for some crappy... kid, are you sure you're okay? I mean, you nearly died!" He asked me. "Um... yeah. I- I mean, I think I am. I should be." I was slightly nervous. Being in a car with a guy who'd nearly choked out four teenagers at the same time can put you on edge.

We were going to that Aftermath place, where all the other people that weren't allowed on Action were. Chris said it was too risky bringing me to an actual doctor in my 'current situation', so they tried to come up with another solution, which, I think in his words, was 'putting him around people he knows' to help, or something like that.

...To be honest, I was scared. There were too many people. Too many faces, and names, and voices, and things I had to remember. I didn't like that.

I had a boyfriend to act like I remembered everything with, I had this whole thing called 'Team E-Scope', or something, and apparently, we were, like, 'best friends', I have an enemy, for God's sake!

If I can't even remember how I lost a limb, how the hell am I supposed to remember the people I was around...?

Once I heard the car door slamming, I immediately snapped out of my thoughts, and got out of the car. I was only feeling, like, weirder the closer I got to the studio. Chef seemed to notice, because he literally slowed down to talk to me. "You sure you're okay?" "...Mhm. I'm fine!" "Hmph. Those two so-called 'hosts' won't be when I'm done with 'em."

*

It wasn't very fun being told to leave the room when Chef wanted to talk to Geoff and Bridgette. It also wasn't very fun hearing them being yelled at through the wall.

I guess it was okay seeing Cody before the show. It was a change from everybody being tense.

"I- I thought you were out of commission! After Gwen'd told me what happened, I tried calling you, but you wouldn't pick up, and I got super scared! W-Wait, um, you remember that I'm dating you, right?" 

Gwen told me he was 'puny', but this is just pathetic. Why's he so concerned about everything?

"I- Don't worry. I do. I- It's sorta... smaller details now, I guess. I think I got hit on the head, or something, which is why I can't remember a bunch. It's just... I don't know what I should..." The conversation between us was interrupted when Cody's phone started buzzing.  When he checked it, he sighed with a mixture of relief and disappointment, I think?

"That's the cue. We're on, now. C'mon."

When he took my hand for the first time in Island, I felt fireworks. Now, I feel like I'm touching a cardboard box. I just don't feel the same.

Maybe that's an effect of memory loss...

...I hope. Cody seems like a real nice guy.

*

I took a quick breath as I sat down on the sofa beside Geoff. Obviously, him and Bridgette were sitting together, but I was sorta just... there. Y'know, like an observer. 

If this show helps me remember what happened on Island, then... so be it.

"Yo everyone! Ha-ha! I'm Geoff!" He exclaimed, pointing at himself. "And I'm Bridgette. Great to have you back for another super juicy episode of the Aftermath, where we'll be dishing the dirt on Total... Drama... Action!" People seemed to like that, for some reason, although there was literally nothing but cardboard cut-outs in the audience.

"Wow! There's a lot of love out there, eh, Geoff?" Bridgette asked, leaning in closer to Geoff. "No doubt, Bridge." He responded, leaning in closer to Bridgette. "I wish today could be all about the love, but..." She paused for a sigh. "There's always some haters, too." "We may see some of those dudes on today's show. 'Cause we've got Gwen here! And DJ!"

Names to faces, Lewis, names to faces...

"We've also got our friends from first season joining us here in the V.I.P section. Katie and Sadie, Cody, Noah, Ezekiel, Eva, Courtney, and Tyler!" Bridgette exclaimed, not noticing that Geoff had run off to do something else.

Names to faces, names to faces, names to faces...

When she finally did notice, she gave me a look, hoping to get an explanation, but I simply shrugged at her. "...And... we've got Trent and Izzy here, too!"

...Why does Courtney keep giving me a dirty look? 

The hell?

Katie and Sadie were super excited to see Trent, for some reason. "Hi, Trent! We're so happy you're here!" Katie, or, uh... Sadie...? Um... one of them slapped the other one in the face, and started bickering over him. "I won the thumb war to say hi from us!"

Why do those two need to look SO similar?! God, my 'names to faces' strategy is flunking already...

"He's... WHAT?!" I turned my head to Bridgette, who seemed shocked at something somebody offstage was telling her. "That is SO not cool... Uh- So! There have been three pretty shocking eliminations since we last saw you guys. Anything you'd like to comment on, Courtney?" Bridgette asked, turning to Courtney. She folded her arms, and turned up her nose. "My lawyer has advised me not to at this time!"

"Wow!" Bridgette laughed, and started talking to all the cameras again. "So, we've also lost Izzy A.K.A. E-Scope, A.K.A. Explosivo again, but since she's already been a guest, she won't take the hot seat today. Lewis is here, too! What've you gotta say, Lewis?" With the attention on me suddenly, I freaked out a little. "Huh? Oh- Um, I- I'm only here 'cause I sorta have to be." Despite my plain honesty, Bridgette seemed satisfied.

"Okay, well, some pretty insane things on the show. The prison movie, the hospital drama, haunted set..." She listed a couple of the movies people did. "Wait, you guys did what-?" I muttered, but was interrupted by Geoff suddenly appearing out of nowhere. "The disaster movie... and the war flick, too!" Bridgette folded her arms as only men were cheering for him.

"Wow. Guess you guys are into terror and destruction. I was freaking! I was almost glad I was botted off the show. I would not have made it through prison food day. Mm-mm." Geoff happily pointed at himself. "Me? I've got a stomach of steel!" The audience found that hilarious, when it really wasn't. "Oh, you can't tell me you'd've wanted to go through what Owen did. A busted-up jaw?! Ouch!" "Oh, true, that. But, we've got loads more wicked bad moments of pain coming up! Rad hits like you've never seen! Time for... That's Gonna Leave A Mark!"

Okay... some kind of montage. That might give me a minute to think.

...Owen had a busted-up jaw, which explains why it was wired shut in the war flick. But... there was a prison move, a hospital drama, and a haunted set?

I've only heard of Heather talking about that hospital one. No idea what happened, though...

"You can't just leave me alone like that on live TV!" Bridgette told Geoff in a hushed voice. "I- I saw my hair on the monitor, Bridge... There were, like, 7 strands out of place. Looked like I'd never met a blow dryer when, aha, in fact, we're very good friends." Geoff excused himself, but Bridgette wasn't having it, at all. "Ohoh... better friends than you are with your GIRLFRIEND?"

I raised a brow at the two, unsure of where that whole thing came from. Trent was fast to diffuse the situation, though. "So, uh, guys! That was one great montage of 'ouch'!" "Uh, it sure was, Trent! Haha, did you see Owen go down like a sack of honey-glazed ham? Whoo! Check it!" They replayed a video of him getting hit in the jaw with a book, and his leg twisting in the wrong way. "Oh, his poor jaw is headed left and right at the same time!" "Hilarious! I'm pretty sure your leg is not supposed to go in that direction. But, here's my fave. Check out DJ fainting! Now, that's what panic looks like, people!"

Huh... was that inside, or outside the cabin set...?

"How about we check in on DJ, and see how he's holding up!" The big screen switched on, and it was Gwen pacing back and forth in the back room, or whatever it was. She was ranting to DJ. "They're gonna skewer me out there, DJ! They're gonna make me into a Gwen-kebab!" "I'd tell you that it'll be okay, but I'm not gonna lie. My mama's here today, and I promised I'd never fib again. So, yeah, you're probably dead. Hi, mama!" DJ waved to the camera, and his mom waved back at him from the side of the stage.

"That thing's ON?! Uh- Hey, everyone! I'm Gwen, and I'm a nice person!" I looked down at the actual stage again, and I noticed that Geoff was gone. Again. I leant into Bridgette, and whispered. "Uh, does Geoff normally pull a fast one at the littlest thing?" She looked to her side to find out that he was gone, just like I did. She growled under her breath, while the audience jeered at Gwen.

"Before we bring out our first guest, let's take a look at his journey on the show." Geoff walked back, and sat in between me and Bridgette, as if nothing had happened. "A touch-up?! You spent six hours in makeup, I took 10 minutes!" She yelled in a whisper, but he didn't seem to care. "My nose was shining. I needed powder." Bridgette scoffed, and rolled her eyes. "It'd be nice to get a real man out here! Uh- no offence, Lewis." 

Geoff frowned at this, but only because he wasn't a 'real man'. But, he brushed it off, and carried on anyway. "DJ started out as a strong contender in this season." "With a soft spot!" Bridgette added, as it cut to a clip of DJ sleeping with a stuffed animal. "Oh, yeah. That's a real man, Bridge." Geoff scowled, but they didn't make a big deal.

"But, when Chef secretly took him under his wing, making a deal to split the cool mil if they won..." Bridgette started off, and Geoff finished for her. "Things got dicey for our man!" "Happily, for the rest of the cast, DJ had a thing or two to teach Chef about cooking actual food." I raised a brow, and folded my arms. "He can cook!" Geoff didn't sound like he believed me. "Sure, sure. But ultimately, DJ's conscience had something to teach him too, leading to his dramatic exit."

The audience cheered at that. "Our guest doesn't eat dolphin dogs, does a heck of a ribbon dance, and once thought he had caught a pepperoni disease... welcome, DJ!"

Hm. Where have I heard something like that before?

"Hey everybody! What's up?" DJ said, as he sat down on the sofa beside us. Bridgette smiled, and put her hands on her lap. "So, DJ, how are you feeling after everything?" Geoff turned to Bridgette in shock. "What kind of a question is that?! Dude lost a million bucks." DJ seemed perfectly fine about losing the money, though. "Hey, but I have my integrity. And, that's worth more. Although, after seeing what happened to Lewis the episode after I got eliminated, I sorta wished I stuck around a bit longer."

I quickly signalled for DJ to shut up, but it was already too late. "Wait, what happened to you, dude?" Geoff asked me, but I wanted to shut it down before it got up. "Uh- Nothing! Nothing happened. I'm totally fine." "Oh, come on! That is total bull! Am I right, dudes?" Katie or Sadie turned to her copy, and whispered. "Do we clap if we agree, or disagree?" She shrugged, but Ezekiel was literally the only one clapping.

I frowned at him, which made him stop nearly instantly. Geoff saw that Ezekiel clapped, and that was that. "Thank you, homeschool! Glad someone's keeping real. The rest of you are full of it. Haha! And you know what we do to liars! That's right! It's Truth, or Anvil!" I worriedly glanced towards DJ, and he returned the look as an anvil came swinging over his head, and it barely missed him.

Bridgette anxiously turned to Geoff. "Geoff. It's Truth or Hammer. What happened to the hammer?!" Geoff shrugged with a smirk. "The producers thought an anvil would add more drama. More Total Drama!" "Dude! I'm the producer! I didn't say that!" I spoke in a hushed voice, but he ignored me. "T-That thing falls on me if I fib?" 

"Yup. So. DJ, first question." Bridgette looked upwards, and spoke worriedly. "Okay, I am NOT cool with this!" "That makes two of us! I already said I'm not lying!" DJ agreed, but Geoff continued to push the question he asked before. "DJ. Since you blurted it out, what exactly did happen to Lewis the episode after you were kicked off, that we didn't see on camera?" "Geoff!" I spoke, in a mixture of worry and anger.

"Uh- Do- Do I have to? I-I mean, Lewis don't want me to, so, uh-" Geoff interrupted DJ's question. "Just answer it, man! Or else that anvil's gonna drop either way." Bridgette quickly raised her voice at Geoff's threat. "This is ridiculous! Can't we run some footage instead?!" "No probs. How about some never-before-seen footage from the hidden cameras in the lake?"

Okay, I'm not joking, Bridgette completely freaked. 

"GEOFF! It's clear he's not comfortable! WHY do you keep pushing on this?!" In the middle of her yelling, the entire stage went silent. "...Bridgette." I lowly spoke, pointing to the camera crew. Once she'd remembered that the entire thing was being recorded, she wasn't so confident in telling Geoff off. "...Um... how about we take five?" I spoke up after a few seconds of silence. "Fine. Let's do that."

*

"After a stern talking to with Geoff, we are back with Total Drama Aftermath!" Bridgette exclaimed, seemingly feeling better than before. "DJ. Here's a different question, because the first one would've gotten me in trouble with Chris' lawyers." Geoff glared at me for a second, before returning his gaze to DJ. "Wouldn't you say the way you took advantage of your teammates was completely heinous and utterly unforgiveable?" 

"I never meant to hurt anybody. Chef just intimidated the heck outta me!" DJ explained, and it was followed up by Bridgette. "Oh, I know how that  feels." I could feel her glaring at me too, and it made me feel more insecure than I already was. "So, if that's true, let's check out some clips where you received therapeutic massages, packages from home, and beef jerky, but not once ever felt bad about it."

/// DJ ///

"Do I like winning? Hecks yeah! I wanna do whatever it takes to keep racking up the wins! Do I feel bad? Hm! Do I look like I feel bad?!"

/// End ///

The audience gasped, and I have to say, even I was a little surprised at his attitude. "Uh, wanna repeat that, DJ?" I spoke, very unamused, with a raised eyebrow. "W-Whoa! That's not fair! Don't you guys got another angle on that?! Can't you show-" Once again, Geoff had interrupted him. "We run the show here, man. That's how TV works. So, no, we can't." I shook my head at Geoff. "Well, actually since WE run the show here, I say that, yes, we can." He wasn't willing, though. "Well, since I'M the host, I say, no, we can't." I pointed at myself, and then prodded his chest with my finger. "Since I'M the one that hired YOU, I say, YES. WE. CAN!"

I shoved him slightly, but not enough to push him off of the sofa. Apparently, I'd 'ruined his hair', so he finally caved in, and decided to play the clip. "Makeup!? 911 on touch-up here!"

/// DJ ///

"D-Do I have to, Chef?" Once Chef threatened him with a ladle, he seemed convinced. "Okay, okay! Uh- 'Do I like winning? Hecks yeah.' Um, Chef? Do I actually have to say 'hecks', 'cause I don't really..." Chef growled at him, which caused DJ to cower behind the script.

/// End ///

I caught Geoff whispering over me to DJ. "C'mon, it'll be funny, and our producers will love it. Just once?" "Excuse me? You want me to get an anvil to the head to make your producers happy?!" Geoff nodded, trying to convince him. I quickly separated them. "No. I don't want that." With a huff, Geoff crossed his arms, before continuing. "So, Deej. Who'd you hate the most on the show? Lie. Lie!" He whispered those final two words. I separated them again, quite frustrated. 

"NO! How about, uh... Bridge, you got anybody on the webcam asking questions yet?" I questioned, hoping to get the whole anvil thing finished. "Actually, Lewis, we do! It's a question from one of DJ's loyal fans and viewers! He's also one of yours!" "Great! Let's go to Gordon, from London!" The webcam turned on, and it was this ginger guy that was in a kitchen.

"Oi, mates!" Seeing a chance to make a mockery of him, Geoff mocked his accent. "'Ello, old chap!" I elbowed him, and spoke to him in a hushed voice. "Dude! The guy's from London, ONTARIO. Not England!" "Oh... uh, right." Gordon continued to speak. "I wanna be a chef! I'm making DJ sandwiches, but there's some stupid [///] ingredient that I can't [///] figure out!" He pushed all of his equipment off the counter, and continued to swear. "[///!!!]"

I watched this in shock, along with Bridgette and Geoff. "Um... okay..." "Huh! Guess Gordon's got a temper on him. Got an answer for him, bro?" Geoff questioned DJ, partially intimidating him. Bridgette calmed the situation down, though. "Is there a secret ingredient?" Everyone was eating sandwiches that DJ's mom had handed out. "We'd all like to know." 

DJ thought for a second, before answering. "Well, Bridgette, that's a tough question, because... I... I don't use a recipe. And, it isn't really..." He glanced up at the anvil, whimpering, and as soon as I heard that snap, I instantly rushed up to push him out of the way. Luckily, we both missed it, and the only damage done, was to the sofa.

I sighed in relief, sitting up with DJ. "P-Paprika! Okay!? Two pinches of Hungarian paprika in the mayo! It zips the sandwich right up!" I'd only realized he was trembling into my chest at that point, and took a quick breath, while the audience applauded. I wasn't sure whether it was for DJ or me, or both of us, but as long as he was okay.

"Oh, man... I hate scary movies." I nodded in acknowledgement.

-

"...Or the psycho killer with the HOOK!?" DJ screamed, and hugged me tightly again. "DUNCAN!"

"Mm! Fantastic!" I suddenly snapped back into reality. I glanced around in confusion, before realizing I was in the Aftermath studio. "...Woah." I whispered, before standing up, and helping DJ up, too. Bridgette offered Geoff a sandwich, but he backed away from it almost immediately. "Oh, no, no way! I'm seeing Chris' professional trainer, and she'll kill me if I'm ever in the same room as carbs." 

DJ took a few in his hand, and sat down on the sofa beside me. "Sure you don't want one, Geoff?" He paused, before responding. "I'm also seeing Justin's dermatologist. And, he says mayo murders the pores." DJ offered one to me, but I shook my head, and quietly explained. "Oh, right. Sorry 'bout that." "No problem. It's fine, really."

Bridgette took another sandwich, and ate it. "Maybe you should lighten up, Geoff." Geoff shook his head. "Light mayo's actually just as bad. If you ask me, you should skip these little appies, too. You know what they say. A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips." The entire studio, including the peanut gallery, gasped at that. However, me and DJ were entertained. I gasped, before giggling, and that filled the silence, while DJ chuckled. "Wuh-oh!"

In a single moment, Bridgette leaped on top of Geoff, and sent him to the ground, attempting to shove the sandwich into his mouth, growling angrily. "EAT IT! EAT IT!" Geoff, though, was struggling to get away, and was barely winning. "W-WATER! WATER!" I laughed even harder, while DJ spoke to the cameras. "Uh... maybe we'll take a short break. Sandwich, anyone?"

*

An intern came in and replaced the sofa, while Bridgette was on top of Geoff, still trying to shove the sandwich into his mouth. I was standing up, although leaning on the arm of the sofa. "I- I SAID I DON'T WANT ANY!" "HA! There! How do you like that!?" He sat up, chewing it. Strangely, he was enjoying it. "Mm! Oh, man. This is amazing! Oh, you tasty carbs! Come to papa!" Bridgette saw this, and took it as a chance to mock Geoff. "Uh, makeup! I think Geoff needs a lip gloss application. And, it's time to meet our second guest. But first, take a look."

"Our second guest started out as a fan favourite." Geoff said, as the monitor switched on. "Until things got... complicated." Bridgette paused, before continuing. "Like they do when you're competing against or working with, your boyfriend." Me, Geoff and Cody all spoke at the same time. "Um, what's that supposed to mean?" Seeing the amount of people, despite being little, she'd annoyed, she quickly shut her mouth. "Never mind. Just read the script, Geoff."

He raised a brow in doubt, before following the order. "So, uh, Gwen broke up with Trent. But that wasn't the last of the drama." Bridgette followed up after. "Gwen was forced to make a deal with the opposite team, trading Trent to save her butt." "And, Trent was voted off." "Down one boyfriend, and several friends. Not long after that, Gwen followed."

The audience cheered, quite loudly, which I thought was rude, especially with the fact basically everybody agreed. "I know, right? I wish I'd worn my Team Trent t-shirt." Trent smiled sheepishly, while Geoff spoke up, on Team Gwen. "Our next guest is claustrophobic, owns two lizards, and once drank fruit punch out of the communal john." "Not to mention, dumped her boyfriend on national TV! Gwen!"

Courtney loudly booed her, and I frowned, annoyed by her constant hate for, basically, everybody.

"Anyway, I'm on Team Gwen. Not because I like her, or because Trent's a loser, by choice! It's because she totally insulted her."

"OKAY, THAT'S IT!"

-

Oh my God.

...That bitch!

I think that's the reason I hate her!

I saw Gwen peering out from the curtains, and was incredibly hesitant to come out after seeing how many people hated her, and didn't want to see her. "Heh, no way. All the black nail polish in the world wouldn't get me out there!" Unfortunately, the nail polish didn't get her out there. Chef did. He forcefully pushed her forward, and seeing as she had no other choice, sat down beside DJ.

"Uh... hi, everyone!" Nobody clapped for her except for DJ. Bridgette felt somewhat guilty, and put a hand on her chest. "Whoa, Gwen. It must be tough coming out to... well, this!" "Way hard." She sighed, and rolled her eyes after looking over at Trent. "Let's make it harder. Here's an interview recorded after Trent learned of your deception on our last show."

"At first, we mostly just felt sorry for Trent, but now..."

"We love him! We're starting a Trent fan club."

"Or... maybe it should be an Anti-Gwen club!"

"A club for my Auntie Gwen? Hi, Auntie Gwen! ...Oh. You mean GWEN. We hate her!"

"Oh my God." I said with a sigh, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "So. Katie and Sadie. Got more you wanna say to Gwen in person?" We all turned to Katie and Sadie, but they were too busy fawning over Trent. "It's my turn, seat-hog Sadie!"

Oh my- THANK YOU, KATIE!

I couldn't tell you two apart if my life depended on it!

WHY do people LOVE looking like each other?!

"Uh... they look busy. So, Gwen, let's talk about why you sold out such a sweet guy." Bridgette began, turning back to Gwen. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and wrapped her arms around herself. "Can't we talk about something else?" "Would love to! Truth is, I'm kinda over this Trent 'blah blah blah' after last episode."

She smiled, and began to talk about something else. "Great! What about some behind-the-scenes drama? Chris and Camera 2 guy are having a brutal prank war." "Camera- you mean Josh? Dude, he'll never beat Dad. He's a proper legend, and you guys can vouch." Despite me and Gwen actually enjoying ourselves, Geoff was unbothered. "Yeah, cool. Awesome. But, that's not gonna get us ratings. Watching Gwen squirm over Trent is. So, start spilling."

Gwen narrowed her eyes. "But, I thought we were friends." "Y'know, got this new gig, and I gotta say. It seriously trumps the time you and I made s'mores." He looked at his nails, brushing everything they'd bonded over off. Bridgette gasped, and furrowed her brows. "You really believe that? You think ratings are more important than relationships!?" 

Geoff put a hand on his chest solemnly. "You kidding me, babe? 'Course not. Relationships rock... the ratings! A little loving is, like, number two ratings booster. I mean, after breakups. Which is why Gwen's gonna start talking." "Watch what you say, Gwen!" Bridgette quicky exclaimed, and pointed upwards. "Aw! Don't warn her! No fun!" Gwen yelped as she looked up. "THAT THING IS GONNA FALL ON ME?!" "Only if you lie. But trust me, it happens fast." DJ warned her.

"Nothing but the whole truth, or you might be half a Gwen. A 'Gw'. Or, maybe an 'en'. Haha!" Bridgette scowled, and folded her arms. "When did you get so horrible?" Geoff shrugged. "Network orders. Turns out horrible is great for ratings, too! Just look at Chris." Bridgette widened her eyes, before signalling towards me. "Look at Lewis! The show would be NOTHING without him! Actually, as a matter of fact, YOU, Geoff, would be dead without him!" He didn't like the fact that that was true.

Or, uh, probably was. I don't know.

"Guys!" Gwen interrupted them, and groaned. "Look, I- I still like Trent. A lot! I've always liked Trent. I've got a lot of love for all of you guys." Geoff smirked. "For anyone else? Duncan, maybe? What about you, Lewis? Like Duncan a lot? Saw you cuddling up to him last episode." I scoffed, and rolled my eyes. "Well, I'm sorry Izzy was trying to bash my head in with a rock!" "Sure, sure. He looked way comfortable, though." "Geoff, stop it!" Bridgette scolded him, placing her hands on her hips.

"LESHAWNA, FOR EXAMPLE!" Gwen yelled, silencing everybody. She cleared her throat, and continued. "Leshawna. A fantastic girl, great friend. And, DJ, have you tried his peach cobbler? It's unreal!" DJ smiled, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Heh... you're sweet." "Thanks. I love Beth, and- and Lindsay..." "Hm. I seem to remember Beth and Lindsay being pretty ticked after they found out about Trent throwing their team's challenges."

All of a sudden, Gwen got uncomfortable. "Uh... did I mention the prank war between Chris and Camera 2? Listen, I- I don't think I did anything bad! People break up, like, everyday." Geoff nodded. "Yeah, but the way yours went down? MEGA harsh. You didn't leave many friends behind in the game." "Duncan didn't vote me off!" Gwen exclaimed, widened her arms. "Only because you had your goth girl hooks into him!" Courtney yelled, standing up.

"COURTNEY, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS! Please, tell her, Trent!" She begged Trent, but he looked away, both guilty, and doubtful. "Have any more rotten veggies?" She asked DJ's mom, who shrugged, and shook her head. "Duncan is all about you, Courtney!" Gwen tried to excuse their friendship, which made Geoff butt in. "Actually, I think we have a never-seen-before-clip on that topic." Gwen sat down, satisfied. "Thank you!"

"Is it just me, or does that constellation look like Harold's pancake butt? With his spaghetti legs attached? See?" 

She scoffed at his lack of response.

"I just gave you the perfect setup for a dig, and you leave me hanging? What's your damage?"

"You think Courtney might be looking at the stars now?"

She pretended to vomit.

"See, Courtney!? Duncan's always thinking about you!" Gwen said, as Courtney smiled at the screen. Geoff, though, was not finished. "Ooh! What a guy. Keep it rolling."

"Haha! Wow! Who knew you were such a sucker for the A-type?"

"Oh, you wanna make something of it?!"

"Pfft! You can do better than that."

They began to playfight, and in the end, they both landed on the floor, Duncan on top of Gwen, and their lips nearly touched.

"Oh yeah. I get that up close and personal with ALL of my friends. Note the... oh... 1 cm distance in between their lips." The audience cheered, and Courtney was not happy. She immediately began to growl at Gwen. "Uh-!? We're just-" Before Gwen could get another word out, Geoff interrupted again. "Uh-uh. We're not done. We've got another behind-the-scenes clip. See how Lewis acts with Duncan!"

"You're not so bad, you know."

"Um, hello? I'm a criminal, and basically, the king o' juvie. It's not something I have to try at. YOU, on the other hand?"

"Uh-! Well, I- I can be bad! I mean, look at me! I'm the son of Chris McLean! Y'know, the sadist? The guy everybody hates?!"

"You sure? I don't believe you. I don't think someone as soft and as cute as you could even try being related to Chris."

"Oh- Shut up!" I blushed, and shoved him away. 

"Heh! It's true, though! Chris thinks he looks good. He doesn't. You do."

I released a very loud groan as I covered my face with my hands again. "Why... just WHY exactly did you HAVE to take that out of context!?" I yelled, shoving Geoff. "Dude, there is no context. He thinks you're hot, man." "He's not ga- He likes girls!"

"Screw this. I am SO calling my lawyer! Hmph!" Courtney frowned, pulled out her phone, and walked away. Gwen and I were both fairly upset over it. "You're totally twisting this! We wrestled for, like, two seconds, then stole everyone's underwear, and flew it up the flagpole!" I followed that up. "Yeah, and he always teases me like that! Look up, pfft, ANY other scene, and you'll see that!" "Mhm. Wow. Yeah, you two sound like really great 'friends' and work partners." 

"What is with him!?" Gwen asked Bridgette. She responded with a shrug. "I dunno, but I think fame has gone to his perfectly coiffed head." He scoffed, and looked in between us three. "I'm still here, you know! And, I think it's time to bring out our next surprise for Gwen!" The 'surprise' was really a pool full of piranhas. "Time to swim with the fishes!"

Bridgette stood up in a hurry. "Piranhas?! Forget it!" "Haha! And, the crew here seems totally into it! Come on, Gwen, I'll give you a boost." Literally nobody around him was enthusiastic on sending Gwen into that death trap.

However, Gwen stood up anyway, and began walking towards the piranha pool. Bridgette still didn't want to let this happen. "WHAT!? There is no way that this is happening!" Trent approached us from behind, and raised his voice in annoyance. "Okay, enough! Look! I threw the game, not Gwen! Wasn't her fault. Plus, everything's awesome now! I've met, like, a ton of chicks."

Gwen was slightly confused, but was grateful anyway. "Trent, thank you! Um, Trent, I'm so sorry, I- I didn't mean for everything to-" However, Trent cut her off. "It's cool." Geoff walked up to Gwen, and put a hand on her shoulder, talking out of boredom. "Uh, yeah, so... not into the sucky stuff. You wouldn't believe the fan mail this dude's getting. Bro, getting dumped on TV buts you in good with the ladies, bro. Heh, eh, Bridge? Ayy, Bridge?"

I could see the annoyance on her face, but she simply rolled her eyes, and spoke sarcastically. "Oh, don't tempt me! We've got one more viewer on webcam. Kelsey from Kamloops has a few words for Trent." The webcam turned on, and this girl, she kinda looked like Beth. But, like, only a little bit.

"Hey, everybody! This is my boyfriend, Trent!" She pulled up a ragdoll of Trent. I gasped with everyone else, before speaking uncomfortably. "Is that...?" Geoff, though, found that hilarious. "Hahaha! That's awesome! Yo, Trent! What do you have to say to Kelsey from Kamloops? I think she made that doll of you!" Trent was absolutely horrified, to say the least. He had no words. Kelsey went on to kiss the doll nine times, for some really weird reason.

"Did she just kiss that doll nine times? Wow... Okay... thanks for sharing, Kelsey." Bridgette tried to shut the webcam down, but, oh no, Kelsey was not finished. "WAIT! We wrote something for the real Trent! Ahem... 'Your hair is black, my heart is blue... I'll stuff you with rags, and sew you up, too!'" I instantly shut the whole webcam system off, feeling, somehow, violated.

"Oh, no! Oh, what a shame! We've lost Kelsey! Right, uh, when the poem was getting good..." I announced, while Geoff continued for me. "Let's snoop through Trent's fan mail instead... And... that's the sixth bin this week! I only got two." Gwen was pretty shocked to see how much people were obsessing over him. "THAT'S TRENT'S FANMAIL!? Uh- Heh! Hey, wow! Guys, I- I thought we were talking about me?"

Our attention was brought away from Gwen when Izzy suddenly fell onto the ground. Well, not really, cause it was a cut-out.

Wasn't somebody afraid of those?

"What the-? It's an Izzy standee?! Huh! Guess she didn't wanna be here." Bridgette assumed, but that was debunked when the real Izzy came swinging over us, screaming like a mad person. In a matter of seconds, she'd clung onto the arch over the piranha pool, and they were barely missing her. "Uh-oh. Hahaha! Okay! Uh-uh, little guys. Everyone wants a piece of Izzy!" She jumped over to DJ, and landed in his lap, much to Geoff's annoyance. 

"You've had your chance, Izzy!" Somehow, she'd moved over to behind the sofa. "Which is why I turned this into a stealth mission! Please welcome... Miss Izzy Esquire!" Bridgette jokingly raised her hand towards the staff off-stage. "Uh, security? Can we get security out here?"

Apparently, Chef was security.

"Ooh! A chase segment, super fun! Catch the Hurdle Queen, Esquire! Come and get it, Cheffy! Dinner's piping hot! Hahaha!" It ended with Chef in the piranha pool. Also, Izzy escaped to God knows where.

"Maybe we'll take one last question." Bridgette suggested, and Geoff nodded. "I've got a queue here from Gidgette123. For Lewis! Uh... blah-blah-blah... 'My boyfriend isn't acting like himself. He's totally turning into Captain Smarmy Hollywood, and doesn't care about anyone except himself. He's mean, and he's vain, and what should I do?'"

I looked over to Bridgette, who signalled for me to keep quiet that 'Gidgette' was actually her. "That's from... who?" Gwen asked, smirking at Bridgette. "Not sure who'd be asking you for specific romantic advice. Haha... ha... ha." I raised a brow. "Well, if my boyfriend were ever to turn into something like this, 'Captain Smarmy Hollywood' guy is, I'd have to say... be straight up with him. Honesty hurts, but it's better than lying, and finding out later."

"Lewis is right. Honesty would've saved my butt, too. If you can't be honest, Bridgette-" DJ began, but he was interrupted by Bridgette. "No, no! That wasn't from me!" Without any notice, the anvil snapped, and this time, DJ was aware of it. "LOOK OUT! ANVIL!" He pushed both Gwen and himself out of the way before the anvil could hit them, and it broke the sofa again.

Geoff laughed incredibly hard, seeing the position Gwen and DJ had landed in. "Oh, yeah! Awesome! Getting cosy with DJ, now! And the anvil. Love it!" Gwen crossed her arms again, and scowled. "I think that was meant for Bridgette." "Uh... and that's all for today! Join Chris and the cast next time, for the most dramatically thrilling episode of Total... Drama... Action, ever!"

Chapter Text

I think I did something wrong. 

None of the Gaffers are talking to me. 

Plus, they're all super moody.

Duncan was scraping the table with his pocket knife, but glanced up at Heather after noticing she was glaring at him. "What?" "Vandal!" She turned to Harold and folded her arms. "Nerd!" Harold stuck his tongue out at her, but Leshawna was fed up BECAUSE of that. "We have to all stop acting like babies, or every one of us is goin' home!"

/// Harold ///

"Ever since Leshawna sold us all up the river for a day at the spa, I've finally come to see that she's only looking out for herself. Of course, if I looked like that, I'd probably just look at myself all day, too. Uh- But she's a bad, selfish person! Bad! So... uh... bad."

/// End ///

"Come on, you guys! What Leshawna did is for the best. Nobody needs a day at the spa like she does. In fact, you could write a tell-all book about her hair-do called 'WEAVE Got Problems!'" Heather made a joke about her hair, which caused Leshawna to widen her eyes at the silence. "Nobody's gonna argue with her?!" Harold folded his arms, and sided with Heather. "Sounds like an entertaining read." 

She angrily stood up, and stormed off. "I'm going back to the trailer." "Try not to let the door hit your butt on the way out!" Duncan yelled at her, much to Heather's confusion. "Door? It's a tent, idiot boy!" "Uh, it's a figure of speech?" "What you should've said was, 'Don't let the flap flutter your-" "Shut up, Harold!" 

"Why're you guys so angry at each other, anyways?" I questioned, looking at the 3 of them. They all looked at each other, and it sorta made me feel smaller than I was. Like I was stupid, or something. "Um, dude, don't you remember yesterday?" After getting no response, he decided to actually explain it. "Chris and Chef totally flipped! Harold spilled you had amnesia, and, oh, they did not like that." "It wasn't my fault! I was intimidated into answering!" "Intimidated? Pfft, as if! He literally only asked us if we knew what was going on!"

"Yeah, no, I don't remember any of that." I shook my head, and they weren't really happy about that. "Well, that's just great. You're not just forgetting memories, you're losing them." Heather complained, folding her arms. I raised my finger, unsure. "Aren't those the same things...?" She realized the mistake, and scoffed, ignoring me.

"I feel so lucky to still be here!" Beth said, and it was quickly followed up by Owen. "And I am back on track! My jaw's unwired, and back in business! I can finally eat like normal people!" He said excitedly, before tipping the entire plate of bacon and eggs into his mouth. Justin watched this in shock. "Or... like 10 normal people." "Uh- Sorry, you guys, but there's a great smell coming from Chef's steam table, and seconds are a-wasting!" He raced off into the kitchen, and left everyone to do their own thing.

Chris cut open the roof of the tent, and entered down through a rope. Beth, for some strange, strange reason, thought this was amazing. "What an entrance!" "Consider it a hint as to this week's movie genre!" Duncan crossed his arms, and raised a brow. "Is it lame-o, rock-climbing, wannabe host movies?" There was a moment of silence in between everyone. "No? This week, we're paying tribute to the action-packed bank heist gangster caper film!"

Justin looked around, before speaking up. "Uh, Chris? Our team is missing a player." I looked over, and saw that Owen still hadn't come back from the kitchen. "So is ours. But, we don't care." Heather spoke, with folded arms. She completely dismissed Leshawna for some reason, and that's about when I realized everyone was moody 'cause of Leshawna, not me.

"Owen and Leshawna are gone, people. Because rescuing them is the first part of your challenge!" All the Grips gasped in shock, whilst Duncan only yawned in boredom. "Oh, pardon me." Chris raised a brow, before continuing. "They've both been locked up in state-of-the-art safes, along with all the tools each team will need to commit a perfect bank robbery. Your job is to crack the safes, rescue your team mates, grab the equipment, and try to be the first ones to rob the First National Bank of Chris. Let's kick it, gangstas!"

*

I dunno why I keep being left with...

"Let me do it!" Heather argued to Harold, who wasn't so intent. "Were YOU the captain of Picky Steve's Lock Picking Camp!? Huh?! No." They began to smack each other's hands, and fight like actual toddlers.

...these guys.

/// Duncan ///

"The H-Bombs, Harold and Heather, were so busy trying to figure out who's the world's biggest dweeb, that they totally forgot I'm an experienced criminal! Frankly, it was a little insulting."

/// End ///

Duncan stood with me, and he was leaning against the vault door, watching Heather and Harold fight it out. I was kinda just standing, so I decided to copy Duncan's behaviour. "Wanna take a crack at this?" I asked Duncan, sighing in annoyance. He thought for a few seconds, before shaking his head. "Nah. This is pretty entertaining." "Cool."

We looked over to the Grips, who were actually working together. "Do you think it's like cracking an egg?" "My boyfriend has a bad habit of cracking his knuckles. Some people say it's gross. But... I think it's kinda adorable, 'cause it's him. If this safe were a giant knuckle, I'd know what to do."

Harold and Heather had finally stopped fighting, but they were all messed up. Like, bruised, and their clothes were torn, and other stuff. They'd decided that Harold should be the one working the lock, but Heather was getting impatient, so she started tapping her foot. Harold didn't like that. "I need concentration and quiet! The numbers aren't talking to me..." "Maybe, they don't speak MORON!" She pushed Harold over, and started trying the lock herself.

"It's an expression? 'Crack open', as in... we need to find the combo." Justin explained to Lindsay, who finally got it. "Oh... My junior high locker combination! I didn't change it the whole three years I was in grade eight, so it must be standard!" She tried the lock, but it didn't work, so she folded her arms, and turned back around. "Oh, well, that's just bad school spirit." Justin slapped his forehead, and groaned.

"The obvious way to do this is to think of combinations Chris would've come up with. What is his favourite thing, in the whole world?" Heather both explained and asked, looking at me, Duncan, and Harold. Duncan answered, quite blandly. "Chris." "Exactly! His birthday!" When she tried the vault, the door wouldn't budge. So, Harold made an extremely loud buzzer noise. "Okay, then... his measurements!" She tried the door again. "Wait, how do you know his-" "EEHH!" Harold interrupted me with the buzzing again. "The... barcode number on his favourite hair gel?" Harold made the same incorrect buzzer noise again. "STOP DOING THAT!"

*

"You know, Chris, I was thinking. Super hot guys like you and me have to stick together. So why don't you tell me what the combo is? And then we can talk about guy stuff, and I'll give you a shoulder rub, huh? Huh?" Justin proposed, to a very uncomfortable Chris.

"Justin?" "Uh-huh?" "You're making me kind of uncomfortable here."

*

"Uh- Aha- A BOBBY pin!?" I questioned jokingly, tilting my head at Heather. "It worked on my sister's diaries!" She fought back, still trying it on the combo lock. "You're pathetic!" I folded my arms, and shook my head. "You're pathetic-er!" She stood up, and waved the pin in my face. "You're BOTH losers." Duncan said, standing beside Harold.

"Hm. Wait a minute." Heather said, and threw the bobby pin away. She was thinking about something, clearly about the combo. After a few seconds, she announced something. "Team meeting! That excludes you." She pointed at me, and with a glare, I huffed. "Fine." The three of them gathered in a huddle slightly further away from me, and they were whispering pretty loudly. Not loud enough that I could hear them, though.

"Do you guys think Chris took advantage of his memory? Y'know... blabbed the code to the safe out to him?" 

"I don't know, but he probably wouldn't remember that." 

"Well, what if we actually asked him? There's still a possibility he could know."

"Hm... alright. Let's do that."

I sighed, tapping my foot impatiently. "Okay! We're done." Heather said, crossing her arms. "Finally, jeez! You figured out the code yet? Can we go?" I questioned, pointing to the exit. "Actually, we need to ask you about that." She responded, raising a brow. "About what? Leaving? 'Cause the exit's right-" "No, you dimwit! About the code! Did Chris say anything last night? Y'know, gossip about the challenge to you at all?"

I blinked, squinting my eyes. "And... you think I... listen?" "Well-! The old Lewis did!" She said quickly, before storming out, through the exit. I raised a brow at Harold and Duncan, who returned the confused look to me. "Woah. What's her deal?" Chris asked, walking over towards us. "I, uh... don't... actually know." I answered, scratching my head.

Unfortunately, the Grips had, somehow, managed to smash in the door so there was a massive, gaping hole in the wall. Owen was standing there, panting for breath.

Actually, I think he broke the door.

"Hey! I don't remember you guys looking so crispy..." He said, tapping his two index fingers together. Lindsay turned to Beth and Justin with a raised eyebrow. "Why is he looking at us like that?" Without giving her an answer, Justin picked up the duffel bag, full of tools. "Here's our bank-robbing kit!" Beth grinned and turned to her team. "Let's go rob a bank before Owen tries to eat us! Uh... wow. There's something I never thought I'd say." "We are such good safe crackers!" Lindsay said, as her team began to run away. "Mm... crackers."

They ran past us four, and I turned my focus away from them when I heard Duncan. "Great, now  in the lead! Chris, remind me again. Can you tell us why we're even trying to get Leshawna out?! I don't need a bunch of stupid prop equipment to rob a bank." Chris folded his arms with a smirk. "It's not a requirement..." "Then, what are we waiting for?!" Duncan ran off first, and left Harold behind. "Wait! We can't just leave Leshawna..." Seeing as nobody was listening, he shrugged, and ran off.

This feels strangely familiar.

Oh, well. It's probably not important.

*

"So! What's the criminal mastermind and his lackey up to in here?" I said, entering the boys' trailer. "Ah, nothing much! Just working on some ACTUAL bank-robbing equipment." Duncan answered, but Harold butted in. "He cut up my lucky socks, and used my karate magazines for a stick-up note!" 

"Duncan..." I crossed my arms, and raised a brow. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. 'Limits', 'No bullying', blah-blah-blah. This'll all be worth it, though, you'll see!" He tried to convince me otherwise than to scold him, but I wasn't moved at all. "Not worth anything to me, I'm not the one on the team. But, since I GUESS I'm in an alliance with your team, which was forced, by the way... if it helps you win, so be it." I rolled my eyes, and let him make a makeshift gun with Harold's foot spray and deodorant.

"Y'know, Duncan, you're an evil genius." I nodded at his craftmanship, as he walked out the door with the spray gun.

*

"Yoo-hoo? Anyone home? This is a robbery!" I followed Duncan and Harold into the 'bank', which was just a weird-looking movie set. I didn't want any part in the robbery, so I took a seat on a nearby sofa. "Welcome, Gaffers! You've beaten the Grips to the scene, so... you'll get first crack at the teller!" Duncan seemed both shocked and embarrassed to hear that. "How is that possible?! We're down a player, and they were way ahead of us!"

*

"Mama...? Heh... did you buy me new shoes?" Owen was trembling on the ground from the lack of food he'd eaten in the span of an hour. "We've gotta get some food into him, stat! All I have is these breath mints!" Justin ordered, pouring the entire packet of mints into Owen's mouth. In response to this, he didn't react at all. He literally only ate them all. "Mm. Minty..."

"Well... um... these lip glosses are pineapple and cherry flavour!" Lindsay said, as she dropped the two capsules into Owen's mouth as well. And, yup, you guessed it, he ate those too, but still didn't get up. "Oh, eating fruit is so healthy!" "If the SMELL of chicken cologne worked for him, then maybe...?" Beth pulled the chicken cologne out of her pocket, and began to pour it into his mouth. In an instant, he gasped, and sat up. "I'm sensing a hint of barnyard fowl, with an overtone of egg."

"Let's go!" Justin commanded, looking around for the duffel bag of tools. "What happened to the bank robbing tools!?" At that, Owen had made it clear that he had eaten them. "I- I didn't eat them! We must've lost 'em on the way!"

*

Duncan, for some weird reason, was checking out the bank teller's thighs, and THEN decided to threaten her. "Afternoon, ma'am. That's a great set of legs you got there. But, right now, I'd like to focus on those lovely hands of yours. I need them to start filling this pillowcase here, with cash."

"Anything else I can do for you today... Duncan!?" The bank teller began, but out of nowhere, pulled off her wig to reveal that she was someone else. I think Duncan was either terrified of her, or madly in love with her, because he squealed, and then immediately passed out right after.

"Looks like Duncan's gone from as cool as a cucumber to in a pickle. He can run- uh- well, I mean, in this case, pass out, but he can't hide, because Total Drama Action will be... right back!"

*

Duncan had woken up from being passed out, and me and Harold were standing beside him. Beth was slapping Owen across the face for some reason, while Chris was reading from a script. "Teams... it is my... 'honour'... to report that Courtney is back for the duration of the game. And... we are all...'exceedingly happy' a... bout it!" I approached them both, and pointed at this... 'Courtney' character. "Who?"

Justin, though, wasn't 'exceedingly' happy about it. "She got booted out, fair and square!" He argued with Chris, who didn't respond, because he was cut off by Courtney. "Well-" "Sorry, Justin! But, myself and the law firm of Fleckman, Fleckman, Cohen and Strauss would beg to differ. We filed a wrongful dismissal lawsuit against the producers. And won!"

Harold elbowed Duncan smugly. "Good news, eh, Duncan?" In response, Duncan pushed him over, making sure his face was the main source of impact. "So, Courtney, since you were our bank teller in the challenge, great job, by the way, you get to decide which team deserves to win first prize! Your bag of loot." Chris chucked over a bag to Courtney, who caught it, and turned to the Gaffers. Or, well, Duncan and Harold.

"The choice is obvious! It's Duncan. I- I mean... the Gaffers. Since they were the only team that managed to get to my wicket. Congratulations!" Duncan walked over, slightly shocked, and took the bag from Courtney. "Thank you?" I folded my arms, and raised a brow. "I've seen manlier men trying on women's shoes."

"So this means the Killer Grips win second prize!" Chris announced, finally turning away, towards the Grips. Justin tilted his head in confusion. "What's second prize?" "Courtney! For the rest of the game! Or... until she's eliminated!" The Grips were incredibly dissatisfied with this news, and in fact, it would be an understatement to say disappointed.

/// Courtney ///

"Those Total Drama Dirtbags have some nerve making me second place! They will definitely be hearing from my lawyer!" She dialled someone on her phone, and held it up to her ear. "Again!"

/// End ///

"So, Grips and Gaffers, your getaway cars are waiting. Better get a move on before the cops arrive." Nobody even tried to make it through the door. I don't think they understood what 'better get a move on' meant. "That means go!" After seeing their mistake, both teams rushed out the door, leaving Chris and I. "Yo, Lewis. Piece of advice. Keep bringing up how you don't know who Courtney is. That'll really grind her gears!" I raised a brow, before shrugging. "A'ight."

*

Somehow, I was up that massive hill before the two teams were. Either they were really slow, or I was really fast... By the time they did get up, which, might I mention, was like ten minutes after I did, they were practically dying. Y'know, crazily panting, and all that. 

"W-What's all this... junk!?" Justin exclaimed, looking at the piles of car parts. Chris came up, driving this car, probably bragging about how he had one, and they didn't. "These are your get away cars, just waiting to be assembled!" Lindsay put her hands on her hips, and shook her head. "That is SO not hot!" Chris tilted his head with a smirk. "If the vehicles were ready to go, it wouldn't be much of a challenge, would it?"

Chris drove off, but he didn't really get where he wanted, 'cause he crashed the car. He didn't seem very happy. "Aw, crap!"

*

"Did they leave me here on purpose, all because of one tiny mistake!?" Leshawna said, completely shocked. "Okay, fine! Maybe it was a big mistake, because here I am, being left to rot until I'm nothing but a lifeless pile of bodacious beauty." She paused to get some kind of response, but got nothing. "WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?!" She looked around, before pacing back and forth in the vault. "Okay! So, lying to win a reward is evil! My bad! There, okay!? I admit it! I did a lousy thing! Now, how 'bout a little forgiveness?! Guys? What do you say?"

*

Harold was dissatisfied with the car parts that the two of them had been given, not to mention the disappearance of their teammate. "They're not even get away cars! They're go-karts! And, where the heck is Heather gone?!" Duncan, who was busy screwing in some bolts, turned his head to Harold with a frown. "Hey, Harold! Shut up, stop whining, and gimme the lug nuts!"

I folded my arms, and tilted my head at Duncan. "Hey, you're not so bad at this!" "Ah, nothing much! It's just like stripping a car! Well, except, in reverse!" He played around with the tire, but got distracted looking at this 'Courtney' person again, so when he went to put it into the car, he shoved the rim into his arm instead, followed by a held back scream.

"Duncan! Stop getting distracted with that- that girl! You're really hurting yourself!" I said, as I forcefully took his arm, and looked at it. "Hey. Hey!" Courtney stormed over, dropping part of the chassis behind her. "What do you mean, 'that girl'?! Do you think pretending not to know who I am to get a reaction is funny?!"

Me and Duncan shared a look, before he spoke up. "Courtney, he's got amnesia. He really doesn't know who you are." She still didn't believe us, though. "Oh, puh-lease! Geoff's lies are more believable than that!" I looked at Duncan again, before returning my look to Courtney. "Who?" She widened her eyes at my question. "You- I- UGH!" She stormed off, snatching the same part of the chassis from Justin.

"Wow. What's her damage?" I asked, offended by how she was acting. "You totally hate her. Well, used to. She's basically the reason you're missing an arm, man." I glanced at my right, before looking back towards him. "Oh." I suddenly realized what he'd meant by that, and narrowed my eyes. "Oh..."

Justin, though, had been watching us the entire time, so when Courtney realized, she slapped him across the face. "Ignore the sideshow, and start putting together the chassis!" She held up the piece she'd just snatched from him, but he took a step back. "Is there something I can do where I won't get grease on my epidermis?" She gasped, before frowning. "You're kidding, right?" "Hand modelling is one of the things that put me on the map." "Obviously, that would be the map of USELESSVILLE! How did I get stuck over here?" She turned her head to where Beth, Lindsay and Owen were supposed to be, but they were gone. "Where are the others, anyway?!"

They were just being chased by Owen, and I think he was hallucinating them being foods, or something like that.

Duncan had basically built the entire go-kart by himself, while Harold was just waiting around. He climbed it, and revved it up to make sure it was working. Once he did, he signalled to Harold. "Hop in!" Harold smiled at him, and immediately climbed into the car. "I'll meetcha down." I snapped my fingers at the two, as they raced off.

Although, Duncan wanted to brag to Courtney before he left. "Hey, Courtney! Maybe you'll get to see more than just the back of me when the teams merge!" She looked over to Justin, who was admiring himself in the car mirror. "At this point, I'd take it." Harold looked over to Duncan, unimpressed. "Let's go, Casanova." He raced off down the hill, laughing.

"Ugh! Why is nobody helping me with this challenge! We need to get a start NOW!" Courtney ordered, but nobody was listening. I walked past her, with my hands in my pockets. "Listen, mystery girl. I don't know you, but here's some advice. You need to get a start YESTERDAY to have even the smallest chance at victory. So... good luck!" I waved her off, silently laughing at her growling at me.

*

"I can't believe this! Where are our wheels?! Where is our team!?" She questioned, causing Justin to look around. Beth and Lindsay ran up to her with Owen, who had his jaw wired again. "Here we are! We had to rewire his jaw with my spare hair elastics. But, that's the good news..." She said with a small sigh. "W-What's the bad?" Courtney asked, concerned. Lindsay held up the wheels and rim, which were very bent. "These are kinda toast." "Toast?!" Owen widened his eyes, and looked around, which earned a slap from Beth.

"No wheels does NOT mean it's over for us! We are going to have to improvise!"

*

"...Heather?" I spoke quietly, peering into the girls' trailer.

Woah. This is way neater and put-together! 

My attention was brought away from that when I heard light sobbing. I raised a brow, and glanced around the trailer, trying to find the source of the sound from where I was. After getting no result, nor success, I decided to come in entirely.

I took a few steps forward, and instantly found out what, or rather who, was actually crying. It was Heather. I took a sigh of both relief and concern, seeing her in such a state.

"Heather? Are you okay?" I questioned, which caused her to remove her head from her knees, although only by a centimetre. "W-What do you want? Did you come here just t-to make fun of me?" I paused for a second, thinking of how to respond. "No. I came..." I released a quiet grunt as I rested on the floor, up against the wall beside her. "...to check up on you. What happened in the first challenge? Why'd you storm off like that?" 

After realizing my true intentions, she rubbed away her tears with her forearm, and sniffled. "There was no reason. I- I just... wanted to skip." I raised a brow. "Come on, even I know you're lying. What's really going on?" She didn't respond for a good minute or so. So, I decided I'd just have to take another approach. 

I stretched my arms, and pretended to be straining. "Ah, God...! If this is how old people feel, then I never want to grow up! Actually, I think I'm dying...!" I leaned closer into her, which made her roll her eyes with a small smile. Naturally, I continued. "I'm dying, Heather! Ughh! I'm dying... to know why you won't tell me! Tell me! C'mon, tell me, before I die horribly! Blegh! ...Nothing? Seriously? Come on, that was some of my best work!" I teased, nudging her slightly.

Unexpectedly, I actually got her to laugh. "L-Lewis! Will you cut that out?! You're so pathetic!" I chuckled gently, getting comfortable. "Pathetic enough to make you laugh at my horrible acting? Yeah, so... I guess I am. But, on a serious note... are you really okay?" She lost the smile she previously had, and looked down at the floor. "...I don't know. I mean, I- I'm so used to being the 'mean girl' stereotype, I... I hate feeling upset. It makes me feel so weak and- and now, I don't know how to feel."

My gaze softened, and I put a hand on her arm. "Being upset, and crying, it's... a part of life. You can't... not be sad, Heather. You just... have a hard shell. You probably grew up in a bad environment. With... the people around you not caring about how you truly felt. It must be weird letting your guard down like this. And, I know this sounds crazy, considering my relation to Chris, but... just know that I'm always here. To listen, to talk... I- I know how it feels to hide a part of yourself."

Without thinking, I took her hand in mine. In that moment, a light, pink hue appeared on both of our faces, but neither of us thought to comment on it, just due to the whole point of the conversation we were having, literally seconds before. Although, she seemed to be feeling a mixture of thankfulness and annoyance. She hastily pulled her hand away, and pressed it up against her head. "Ugh! WHY are you so... you!?"

Confused, I tiled my head. "What do you mean? Is... Is being... 'me' a bad thing?" 

I'm not going to lie, I was both hurt, and worried.

"NO! You're perfect! You're, like, the most perfect... perfect-est person I've ever met! You're sarcastic, you're funny, you're nice, you... you're amazing! I don't get it!" I was still confused. "Don't get what?" "I... I don't get why someone as nice as you would wanna be anywhere near me! Ask anyone on this show, and they'll say I'm mean, and I'm cruel."

I shifted my position, not really sure how to respond. "Well... since I don't count... I'm sure the hot Spanish dude called Alejandro wouldn't say that." I spoke honestly, and blinked up at Heather. She seemed, like, surprised to hear that. Out of nowhere, she started laughing out loud. 

For some reason... I started laughing with her.

Now, we were both laughing.

And also blushing again.

*

[3rd Person P.O.V.]

*

"FASTER, YOU DEADBEATS! The teams aren't called the Gaffers and the Slackers! Now, move! MUSH! MUSH!" Courtney screamed at her team, which heavily angered Beth. "Mush? We're not sled dogs!" Courtney growled, and responded, raising her voice again. "Of course you aren't. Because if you were, THIS ONE would've eaten you!" She pointed at herself. In that moment, Owen smiled down at Beth.

Chris and Chef were standing at the finish line, and Chris was looking through some binoculars. "It looks like the Gaffers are about to make a clean getaway, and win the challenge!" He announced, but as if on cue, the engine to their go-kart backfired, and it slowed down. "What's happening?!" Harold asked, worriedly looking around. "I think we're out of gas!" Duncan explained.

"Well, I may have spoken too soon, ladies and gentleman. Talk about a real holdup." As the car stopped entirely, Harold stood up, and turned around to discover that the Grips were not very far behind them. "They're gaining on us!" Duncan desperately tried the gas pedal, constantly looking behind him, but it was just plain facts that the car wouldn't start.

As the Grips sped past them, Owen only found it appropriate to make a very loud car noise, followed by Courtney bragging. "I knew I could win this! Even with a team of complete duds!" Her entire team furrowed their brows at her, but didn't speak up on it.

Harold and Duncan had decided to try and push the go-kart, which was working, but not very well. They were practically not moving anywhere. "This is hard!" "Pfft! Try standing downwind on you without deodorant!" Duncan complained, gritting his teeth.

The Grips had practically secured victory. Well, that's what they thought anyway. Basically centimetres before the finish line, their entire go-kart collapsed into a multitude of pieces. Courtney, who was trapped under the bumper, screamed in annoyance. "AH! I WILL NOT BE SECOND PLACE!" But, they were.

Chris looked at her with a smirk, laughing. "Wanna bet?" Harold and Duncan pushed their car past the Grips, and over the finish line, which deemed them the winners of the challenge. "First off, I'd like to congratulate both teams for choosing to go green. But in the end, the Gaffers are the winners!" The two boys cheered happily, while the Grips sighed downheartedly. 

"That means I'll be seeing the Grips at tonight's Gilded Chris ceremony. And, Gaffers, even though you committed the-anything-but-perfect crime, you get to enjoy victory, and your bag of loot."

*

[Lewis' P.O.V.]

*

"Well... you ready to head back yet?" I questioned, standing up. She took my hand, and I helped her up off the ground. "They're probably gonna vote me off for skipping out, though. Can't risk that." I raised a brow. "Actually...?"

"WE'RE RICH! OH-HO! LOOK AT ALL THIS!"

Duncan's cheers were so loud that they could be heard from the girls' trailer. "Convinced yet?" "Hm... fine." "Glad to have you back."

*

Both me and Heather went into the boys' trailer to check out all the 'celebration', which was quickly turned into disappointment when they realized that the 'cash' they'd received, was fake. It was 'Chris' cash, which was non-negotiable, and it was only accepted in Craft Services to buy water from the tap. "Sometimes, I really hate that smile of his." Harold said, looking at the fake dollar. 

Once Duncan had actually looked up from his pile of cash, he'd realized Heather and I were standing at the door. "Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to show up! Where've you been all day?!" He angrily spoke, approaching us. "We were-" Heather began, but I cut her off. "We were getting behind-the-scenes intel for the next challenge. Since it's obvious my memory's one of the crappiest places right now, I thought I'd actually help out."

Heather gasped as she looked at me. Duncan, though, I was waiting for him to actually believe me. "Eh, whatever. We won anyway. Not like we needed your complaining butt getting in the way." "Uh, excuse me?! That's just plain rude." "I mean, you do complain a lot, so-" She gave me a look that said:

'Another crack like that'll earn you a smack upside the head.'

...And I knew to shut up. I've seen Chef giving Dad looks like that, and man, I can say nobody's joking when they say that.

*

While Dad and Chef were playing cards, I was just relaxing. "That was a surprisingly quiet challenge. I'm satisfied." "Well, I'm satisfied we haven't forgotten anything for once."

Hm. I don't think that's entirely true.

"...Uh, you guys know Leshawna's still locked up in that vault, right?" From the looks on their faces, I could see they did not know that. "Crap! I'd totally forgotten about that!" "Yup."

Chapter Text

'Cause I had a link with Heather, people weren't judging me for going into the girls trailer. Either that, or because they knew I wasn't really a boy. Although both reasons are fine, I'd rather it be the first than last.

I think they were talking about people that'd been booted off, or something, but I was busy reading a book, so I was only half-listening.

"What about poor Owen? Oh! Or, that boy I liked, Tyson?" Lindsay asked while brushing her hair, but was not slow to be corrected by everyone else. "Tyler!" "Oh! Sorry. I keep forgetting..." She apologized. "Just like someone else we know." Beth said, crossing her arms, which earned a glare off of me. "Well, at least I can remember my own boyfriend's name!"

I actually couldn't. But, they didn't know that.

Leshawna walked past us both, turning to the vanity mirror. "Hey, now, you two. Anyway, girl's all lawyered up. I oughta try it. Get me the big bucks for being locked up in that safe all day!" She angrily pointed at Heather, who narrowed her eyes. "Well, you stole my spa day! Do the crime, do the time." "Oh, please! It wasn't your spa day! Besides, I could've starved in there, people!" Leshawna worriedly responded, looking downwards. "I seriously doubt that!" Heather chortled, walking away.

"And WHAT is it, exactly, that you planned on doing at the spa with that wash-and-go hair?" She snickered, but was stopped by Lindsay gasping. "Oh no! I've got my hair in a knot! Beth, could you-?" "Here, let me." Heather took the hairbrush, and prepared to get the knot out of her hair.

/// Heather ///

"It kills me that Linds-iot has all that hair on her head, when it's practically her fault I lost mine! I would've chopped it off, but all I had was a hairbrush."

/// End ///

"OW! HEATHER! I think you pulled my eyes into the back of my head!" She anxiously spoke, turning her gaze to Heather, who I could obviously see did that on purpose. "Not a bad idea. With Courtney on your team, you'd better watch your back." Leshawna suggested, rolling her eyes at the thought. "She's so bossy!" Beth complained, furrowing her brows. "And, it's not like we needed another know-it-all on the show." Lindsay spoke with a wave of her hand.

"Oh... really?" Heather grimaced, ripping the hairbrush through Lindsay's hair again. "OWW! I was talking about me! And, also Liam!" At first, I wasn't too bothered, but when she mentioned my name, I got offended. And, it was clear Heather was, too, because she ripped through Lindsay's hair again, making her scream, yet again.

"Now that Bossy McSmarty Pants is back, no one's ever gonna listen to me, like, ever again!" Lindsay further complained, and that was proven when Leshawna asked her a question. "Sorry, did you say somethin', honey?"

/// Heather ///

"I have GOT to get me some hair. Not Leshawna's gross weave, or Beth's pathetic ponytail. And... I'm way too smart to be 'Lindsay' blonde. But, Courtney's? Hers would be perfect." She picked up some large scissors with a smile. "I'm just gonna borrow these, 'kay?"

/// End ///

"Hm. I can smell Justin's cheap, crappy cologne from in here." I said, raising a brow at the trailer door. "Oh- Is that a new one!? He told me he'd just replaced his YESTERDAY!" Beth exclaimed, widening her eyes. I folded my arms, and shrugged. "He goes through them quick. 'Oh, look at me, my agent, Jesus, says it's my best feature! Along my neck, nose, chin, blah-blah-blah.' You would not believe how many times he's said that."

[for religious reasons, i need to clarify in the show, he pronounces it like 'hay-zeus', not 'gee-sus']

"I think I can." Heather said, glaring through the window at the boys' trailer. "Actually, wait a second. Since we were talking about Courtney just before, where even is she?" I asked, looking around. "Dunno, don't care. I'm just glad she ain't here." Leshawna said, looking into the mirror again. Heather rolled her eyes, before proceeding to nearly pull Lindsay's entire head of hair off, but even when Lindsay was screaming in pain, Heather continue to pull down on the brush.

It was getting around to the point even I was uncomfortable with it. "OWW!" Luckily, though, it ended sooner rather than later. "Got the knot!" Heather happily announced, but what she held up was an entire clump of blonde hair. Not a knot. 

"Hey, girls!" Courtney burst through the door, and everyone turned her way, frowning. Except me, but I wasn't smiling, either. "Um, isn't anyone glad to see me?" She questioned, raising a brow. Heather approached her, acting... weirder than normal. "Great to have your hair... uh- Here! Here! It's- It's great to have you here, Courtney." Out of nowhere, a really loud foghorn rang out through the entire movie lot.

All the girls were pretty shocked to hear it, despite knowing what Chris was like. "Uh, what was that!?" Leshawna asked, causing me to shrug. "The start to this challenge. What do you think?"

*

All the teams, including me, gathered where we were supposed to be, and even though I wasn't competing on the show, I stuck with the Gaffers. I wasn't so pleased to discover that Chris was wearing quite a... 'revealing' outfit. "Talk about your fashion faux-pass..." Heather said, looking him up and down with a frown. "Oh, no. Is that boy wearin' a loincloth?" Leshawna questioned in shock. "Like it?" He asked, which was answered by Duncan bursting out in laughter. "Ahahaha! Oh, it hurts! A lot!"

Chris wasn't happy with that response. "You think that hurts? Wait 'til you hear today's challenges! Now... let's get started!" We couldn't get started. Courtney cleared her throat, and raised a brow at Chris. I knew that she was referencing the legalities that came with the lawsuit I'd been told about. "...As soon as I take care of a few formalities. Thanks to Courtney's lawsuit, she'll be playing by a different set of rules!" He looked pretty ticked off, for a guy that changed the rules as he went along, anyway.

"You said there are no rules!" Duncan argued, raising a brow. Courtney smiled, satisfied that she was finally being recognized. "There are, when you have a good lawyer." "Chef, let's get this over with." Chef walked over, and handed Chris a book, before walking away. Chris cleared his throat, and began to read through the rule book. "Ahem! Rule 1. Notwithstanding that contestants are not permitted contact with the outside world, the constants hereafter referred to as 'Courtney'... may retain a person digital assistant, a.k.a, her PDA."

Beth didn't like that. "WHAT!? That's so not fair! I'm the one with the boyfriend!" She complained, but Chris did not have the energy to deal with it. "Care to take that up with our legal department, Beth? Huh?" She gasped at the realization that Chef was leading the show's legal department. "Didn't think so. Rule 2. Whereas contestants shall continue to receive allocated meals provided by Chef Hatchet, Courtney shall be entitled to a gourmet dining experience with parties consisting of producers and myself, as applicable. I hope you like lobster!"

Almost immediately, every single member of both teams began to argue with Courtney, and they protested that it wasn't fair how she was getting all of these advantages. To be honest with you, I didn't find it fair either, so I was also protesting, despite not even competing in this whole thing.

I found it unfair that my friends weren't getting them, too.

"Let's see your lawyers get you out of this one!" Chris exclaimed, savouring the drama. Courtney tried to save herself. "What? I'm still sleeping in the girls' trailer!" But... she didn't get far. There was a rule tied into that, too. "Where she will have a pure goose-down pillow, extra-lofty comforter, and 700 thread-count sheets. Oh! And, I can't forget, her own... private... bathroom." In that instant, everybody started getting actually angry over the unfair advantages she was getting.

Chris threw the book after slamming it shut, and decided to mock Courtney. "Those are the new rules. Let's call them... 'Courtney's Rules'... in honour of Courtney... who gets special treatment... and an unfair advantage." Duncan scowled, and pointed over to Courtney. "Nice! Our spoiled princess didn't waste any time hooking herself up!" "And YOU didn't waste any time hooking up with Gwen after I left!" She prodded his chest with her finger, which only seemed to make him more confident.

"While I'm touched you're obviously still hot for me, my relationships are none of your business." "YOU'RE ON TV! They're everyone's business!" She argued back, pointing to the cameras. "Well, then, the whole world knows that at least I play by the rules." I raised a brow at him. "...Most of the time." He finished off, seeing my reaction. But, for some reason, he wasn't done? "What, don't think you can win the million bucks, fair and square?"

She slapped his hand away, frustrated. "I could kick your two-timing butt with my eyes closed, and both hands tied behind my back!" He frowned, pointing at her wrists. "Gonna be pretty tough to eat lobster like that." They both pressed up into each other's faces, growling angrily.

Chris walked past them, smiling. "While I'm loving this show of hostility, I think today's challenges will help bring out your more... 'primal' instincts. Today's genre, the period movie!"

Wait, period as in... 'Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret', or period as in... 'killing off my wife 'cause she didn't have a boy'?

Beth happily squealed, and put her hands on her face. "Ooh! I love period movies! All of the pretty petticoats, and dressed with puff sleeves..." "Do we get wigs?" Heather asked, suddenly paying attention to the things Beth was saying.

Oh! So, like, it's just the caveman era...

"Chef, do we have a wig?" Chris asked. Chef grabbed one off the clothing rack, and threw it at Heather, who wasn't particularly thankful for it. "Ugh! It smells like... raw meat!" "That's because our period is the Palaeolithic period! ...Which I thought you dum-dums might've guessed from my... loincloth."

"Palaeo... lipstick? Is that a new brand?" Lindsay questioned, tapping her chin. Beth turned her head in Lindsay's direction, and explained. "It's the Stone Age. We're going to be cave girls." Chris hastily shushed them, while also insulting them. "Cave people grunt and look confused, which means, for once, you're all perfectly cast." 

Heather grimaced at the dirty wig down in her hands. "As much as I want hair, I am not putting that sick thing on my head!" Chris snatched the wig with a smug grin. "No problem. You look pretty savage anyway." He began walking away with it, but Heather had changed her mind. "Wait!" She took it back, and put it on, angrily walking away. 

Seeing as that was taking care of, Chris continued. "Okay! Cave people in prehistoric flicks do two things. Make fire, and use tools made of bones. Technically, you should also know how to bring down a mammoth with a stick, but since Owen's no longer here, no mammoth, no challenge."

/// Lewis ///

"...Who wrote these plots!?  Cave people didn't attack the mammoth with sticks, it was a common strategy back then to scare them off of a cliff, and then they'd fall to their deaths, so they didn't have to waste energy hunting! Oh, and also? Cave people didn't wear loin cloths! They made, like, ACTUAL clothes out of animal skins! Like- Like pants, and stuff!"

[ignore me, i'm just a massive history nerd]

/// End ///

"Here are your costumes! Get into character, people!" He pointed to the rack of extra loincloths, and nobody was pleased, especially not Duncan. "You've... gotta be kidding me." "I never kid." Chris said blandly, before he began to laugh for no reason. "Actually, I do, but never about something this funny!" Courtney smirked, and folded her arms. "You'll look perfect, Duncan! You're already a total Neanderthal." He was about to say something, before Courtney threw one of the costumes in his face, cutting him off.

*

I didn't have to wear one 'cause of my... uh, 'body', but everyone else did. Well, the camera crew didn't, although that was an option brought up to them. I was just hanging out behind the scenes for now, since all the contestants were supposed to be doing was, like, acting like cave people.

"Hello, cast! Nice to see you all decked out for the competition. And, might I say you all look pre-hysterical!" Chris cracked, yet another, joke as Harold admired himself in his singular piece of fabric. "Who knew I'd look so hot in leopard skin?" He flexed his arms, despite not having any muscles. Courtney suddenly yelped, and felt her skirt. "Ow! Ugh! I think mine still has a claw...!" I glanced towards Chris with a raised brow.

*

"Please note that no animals were harmed in the making of this television program. ...Okay. We good?"

*

Heather was about to snip off a chunk of Courtney's hair, but once she noticed that Courtney was looking, pretended that she was about to cut off the claw, and did so. "Um, there! Got it!" 

"Chef! The tools for the first Stone Age challenge, please!" Chris ordered, and Chef blandly complied. He handed each contestant a rock. Like, a literal rock that probably took a minute to find. "Rocks?! Aren't we taking this Stone Age thing a little too seriously?" Duncan asked, but Harold answered him, being a nerd again. 

"Shows how much you know, Duncan. Rocks are an awesome resource! Inuit hunters used them to build inukshuks. Plus, they make great paperweights!" I headed over, and decided to shine a little light on Harold. "Yeah. Rocks can be useful. Y'know, in certain cases of Judaism, people were stoned to death for being associated with magic." I seemed to have successfully freaked him out, but he tried to diffuse the situation. "They... also make great paperweights!" Seeing his chance, Duncan threw his rock at Harold, laughing. "OWW! THAT HURT!" "Huh! What do you know? Rocks are useful."

"First team to collect the hidden firewood and use the 'flintstones' to make fire, earns something to help 'em with the second challenge. Ready? And... ACTION!" Everyone ran off to find the firewood, but something in Duncan's pocket caught my eye, just before he ran off. So, naturally, I was there to put a stop to that before he cheated.

It didn't take long for me to catch up with him, and he didn't even realize I was following him. I pulled him a few steps back, causing him to freak out. "Hey- Hey! Easy there! Not a lotta fabric here!" I simply rolled my eyes, and ordered him around. "Nice try. Hand it over, Duncan." He sighed, and complied. Somehow, he'd had more than just a lighter. He had a pocket knife, a stick of dynamite, the lighter, and a fire... extinguisher?

 I could see that wasn't all. 

"I mean all of it. Now." "Alright, alright!" He took it out of his pocket, but suddenly stopped when we both heard Harold screaming. "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!" It turns out that 'it' was a Castoroides. Or, uh, as Chris liked to call them, 'giant woolly beavers'. I let Duncan go, but only to check my journal to see if that was actually what I thought it was. Mainly, because I'm pretty sure they went extinct, like, 75,000 years ago.

"Uh- oh. That's not... hm." I was going to say that it wasn't possible, but I was proven wrong, because according to this, they still existed. And two of them were chasing Harold around currently. "Hahaha! Looks like Harold found the wooden beaver dam on the set of Rodents Who Kill!" "...So... we're just gonna... let them kill him? Isn't that a risk to 'Miss Lawsuit' over there?" It was obvious I meant Courtney. Still, Chris didn't do anything. "Nah! They're wild animals. Can't sue an animal, dude."

Duncan turned to the both of us, pointing at the beavers. "Those killer beavers are animatronic, right?" "Actu-" I tried speaking, but Chris cut me off. "Animatronic? Of course!" Seeing as Harold was apparently 'safe', Duncan decided to tease him, too. "That's it! Keep those knees up!"

/// Harold ///

I was patching up his arm while he talked. "Duncan and I have our differences. For example, whereas I hate him, he can't stand me. But we're guys. And guys can put stuff like that aside for the sake of the team. We can also pee standing up." I glanced down at him, slightly confused.

/// End ///

"HELP ME!" Harold continued screaming, and getting chased around. Duncan and I watched him, and we were just standing around. All of a sudden, Duncan stuck out his leg, and tripped Harold over. He hit the ground with a grunt, before being dragged away by the woolly beaver. "Way to get the wood, teammate." Duncan said, stealing the firewood Harold had collected, while he screamed. "COMIN', BABY!" Leshawna yelled, as she chased the beaver.

The girls beside us were sitting around an unlit campfire, and they didn't get how to start a fire. Lindsay held two rocks in her hands. "How do you make fire with a rock?" She saw that Heather was trying to cut off a chunk of Courtney's hair again, and took it as a hint. "Oh! Is this like that game of Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Heather quickly backed off, so she wasn't caught.

I turned to Duncan, who had just finished picking up all the wood. "Mind if I show 'em how it works?" I asked, which caused him to look up. Seeing what I meant, he shrugged. "Knock yourself out. I don't need help starting fires. I do that every week." He walked off to find another place to set up camp, leaving me alone.

I walked over to the girls, tilting my head. "Need me to show you how?" They all turned my way. Lindsay was quite eager, for some reason. "Oh, if you don't mind! Yes, please!" However, Courtney pushed in before I could take the rocks to demonstrate. "Give me those! We don't need YOUR help!"

/// Lindsay ///

She angrily folded her arms, and rolled her eyes. "Courtney thinks she knows everything! But she doesn't know that when I was 12, my flat iron once accidentally set fire to my grandma's house. Twice! Liam knows that!"

/// End ///

"Hmph. Suit yourself. I'm still crashing here, though." I sat down, getting comfortable. "Whatever. I'll have this thing ACTUALLY going in no time. I was a C.I.T, you know." Courtney stated, crashing the rocks together. I grimaced, watching her do it incorrectly.

/// Lewis ///

"Now, not a lot hurts me, mentally, I mean. But, that? THAT hurt to watch."

/// End ///

"Oh, she is not back on that again!" I overheard Leshawna speaking. "This isn't camp, it's a movie set!" She finished. "She IS a total drama queen." Duncan said, actually causing sparks. Courtney overheard this, too. "Why? Because I think you're a dog for hooking up with Gwen?" Seeing as she wasn't paying attention, I stole the two rocks from her, without her noticing. I then began to show Beth and Lindsay how to start a fire easily.

/// Duncan ///

"I did NOT hook up with Gwen!" He growled, and slapped his forehead. "Having Courtney back reminds me how much she drives me crazy!" He then sighed dreamily. "And... how much she drives me crazy..."

/// End ///

/// Courtney ///

"I watched the show, I know what I saw in between Duncan and Gwen!" Heather snuck in, and snipped a chuck of Courtney's hair off. "Nothing gets past me."

/// End ///

/// Heather ///

"I got some! Courtney's hair!" She held up the cut-off chunk. "Soon, it will be mine... all mine!" She began to laugh maniacally, kicking her legs. She suddenly calmed down, and placed her hands on her hips. "What? I'm not crazy. I'm just bald."

/// End ///

"'Kay, you wanna try now?" I asked, holding up the two rocks to Lindsay. She seemed unconfident. "Oh, I- I don't know. I won't be as good as you." She spoke, rubbing her head. Courtney had finally realized we had the two rocks, and snatched them, quite violently. "I didn't say you could try!" "Woah- Calm down!" I argued back, but she ignored me with a simple eye roll.

"Things are finally heating up!" Now, it was Courtney against Duncan. They were both smashing their rocks very hard, and it was only getting harder as they glared at each other. "Go, Duncan! Burn her!" "Whoo, alright!" "Yay! Go, Courtney!" Courtney only got angrier at her team actually cheering her on, and released the anger on her rocks. Still, no fire. "I love it when sparks fly." Chris commented.

Duncan, who noticed that he wasn't getting anywhere, decided to lose the rocks, and take a lighter out of his loincloth instead. He held it over the campfire, smirking at Courtney, who only thrashed her rocks together harder than before. In little to no time, the campfire had turned into a bonfire, and the Gaffers happily cheered for themselves. Duncan was especially excited. "YES! I make fire!" He proceeded to pound his chest and grunt like a caveman, teasing Courtney about him being a 'Neanderthal'. 

I folded my arms, leant back, and raised an eyebrow at Courtney. "If you actually gave your team a chance to be confident in themselves...?" I questioned, with an underlying tone of anger. "Courtney! I thought for sure, you'd be the first to burst into flames. Gaffers win the first challenge!" Chris announced, walking over to us. 

She angrily stood up, and stomped her foot. "Ugh! You OBVIOUSLY gave me fake flints! Nobody could start a fire with these ridiculous things!" Seeing my chance, I handed the flints over to Lindsay. With a single clash, the entire campfire was set alight. "FIRE!" She exclaimed happily. "Aha! Nice job, Linds!" We high-fived, which got Courtney angry. "Ooh... gah!" Courtney proceeded to storm off, grumbling to herself.

Chris had to have another go at the foghorn, because according to him, he 'still loved the crazy thing'.

*

"Time for our second caveman movie challenge! But first, Chef will pass out your rewards from this morning. Chef, weapons, please!" Chef pulled off a sheet off of a pile of stuff, to reveal it was bones. Human or animal, I don't know, fortunately. Leshawna widened her eyes. "Excuse me? Our reward is bones?" Chris raised his finger. "Hey, for cave people, bones were cutting-edge technology! And... they're not YOUR reward."

Chef handed out small bones to the Gaffers, and big bones to the Grips. Duncan widened his eyes with a scowl. "Hey, what gives?! WE won the challenge, I made fire!" Chris raised a brow, seeing Duncan's mistake. "Actually... you didn't. We reviewed the footage caught on camera, and you made fire with a lighter. Which is NOT a Stone Age tool! Which also means... Lindsay made fire first! The Grips are the winners!" The Grips cheered, and Courtney found an opportunity to be snarky.

"Well, well, Duncan, 'I play by the rules', cheated! Big surprise." "I've got many more for ya, sweetheart." Courtney growled at Duncan angrily, but was cut off by Chris, who cleared his throat loudly. "The props department for caveman movies are bare-bones. Which means these are all actors have to fight their on-screen enemies with." Leshawna angrily raised a brow. "And WHO might these enemies be!?" "Each other, of course! Grip tribe, versus Gaffer tribe."

Duncan laughed, and looked at his bone smugly. "Cool! We have to fight each other with bones?" He was struck over the head with Courtney's large bone, much to his pain. He yelled out, and sucked air through his teeth, and Chris approached Courtney. "I like your enthusiasm, Courtney! Only, you'll be fighting over THERE!" We all looked over to see two platforms in the middle of a massive pool of fake tar. "Each player that knocks his or her opponent off the column into that fake bubbling tar pit, scores a point for their team! To the tar pits!"

*

It was Lindsay against Leshawna first. Leshawna seemed worried because of her weapon, but Lindsay seemed worried because of what she might fall into. "I'm supposed to knock her off with this teensy-weensy little bone?!" Lindsay turned her head to Chris. "How do we know when to start?" Chris, who was standing by the foghorn, smirked. "Oh, don't worry! You'll know!" He laughed crazily, which I thought was pretty weird, but what was weirder was why he put so much effort into making sure the foghorn was as loud as possible.

Because of this, Lindsay stumbled off of her platform, and immediately fell into the pit of tar, screaming. The Gaffers cheered happily, cheering Leshawna on. "Woohoo! Yeah!" "Way to go, snookums!" "Aw, see? Now, that was just way too easy!" Leshawna bragged, looking down at Lindsay. "That's one point for the Gaffers." 

Me, Beth and Justin gathered around the pit, looking for Lindsay. "Linds, are you okay!?" Beth worriedly asked. Lindsay stood up from the pool, completely drenched in, what I think was, black-dyed skin paint. . . ? "It feels like a cool mud bath! I wonder if it's good for the skin?" I held out my hand to her. "Here." I pulled her out, and Justin looked at her. "Be sure to let me know."

"Next up, Beth and Heather!" Chris was interrupted by some deafening roars from above the platforms. I looked upwards in concern, to find some giant Canadian geese. And, oh boy, they were ANGRY. "Oh, crap. . ." I muttered, knowing the tendencies of angry geese. "Looks like Lindsay's bloodcurdling screams have attracted a swarm of prehistoric pterodactyls! This should make things interesting." Chris announced, grinning more than before. "Cool special effects, man. High-five." Justin said, holding up a hand to Chris. Chris, though, didn't return it, and instead backed off. "Oh, totally special effects."

Heather and Beth got up, and Heather refused to drop her persona like yesterday, despite being scared. "Why don't you just jump off now, and save us all the time?" One of the geese swooped down, and grabbed a hold of her wig, but Heather wasn't prepared to let it go that easy. "MY HAIR! UGH! LET GO, OR YOU'RE DEAD MEET, TWEETY!" Well, 'Tweety' didn't let go, Heather did. The goose took the wig, and made Heather lose her balance and fall forward. 

I gasped, and took a quick step forward in fear. She'd managed to grab onto Beth's bone to stop herself from falling, but Beth wasn't happy. "LET GO!" Heather fought back angrily. "YOU LET GO!" "Okay." Beth, seeing her chance, let go of the bone happily. Heather fell from the platform, into the massive pool, much to my concern. "Heather!"

/// Beth ///

"They make us do a lot of horrible, humiliating things to each other on this show, and I haven't been very good at most of them. But, when I knocked Heather off her high pedestal, and made her fall into a pit of bubbling tar? Well, that was my point of the competition." She laughed evilly. "Maybe my whole, entire life!"

/// End ///

The Grips cheered for their victory, which was expected, but what wasn't was Leshawna cheering, too. I shot her a dirty glare, and so did Duncan. "Hey! Whose team are you on, anyway?" "Yours. And hers. But, it's kind of lose-win, no?" Duncan didn't seem to agree. I heard Heather standing up in the pool, which caused me to return my focus. "I-Isn't anyone gonna help me out of here?" "I'm coming, don't worry!" While I rushed over closer to help, Chris thought it would be a perfect time to cut to commercial break.

THIS LATE.

"And that evens the score at one-all for the Grips and Gaffers! Who will win? And who will both drown in tar, and get booted off? Find out, when we come back!"

*

I'd literally used my jacket to both help clean the stuff off of her, and help her warm up, since she was practically shivering. Strangely, nobody thought to bat an eye. At least, that's what I thought.

"Next up, Justin and Harold!" Chris announced, and despite Harold being eager to battle it out, Justin was more focused on posing for the camera.

/// Justin ///

He was completely drenched in black tar. "I'm gonna win the million, but that shot of me standing atop the stone column is worth even more. It's gonna be an iconic image for the series." He then began to admire both of his wrists. "Hey, Lindsay was right about the tar. My skin does look even better."

/// End ///

When it was time to start fighting, Justin growled, and switched his bone from the left hand to the right, before swinging at Harold. Harold, fortunately, ducked out of the way just before he could get knocked off of his platform. He dodged multiple times, eventually bending backwards, but he wasn't too excited to see the woolly beavers waiting at the bottom of the pit for him. 

Duncan yelled up to him. "Don't blow this, Harold! They're not real beavers!" Harold trembled more than I'd ever seen him before, as he thought about what to do next.

/// Harold ///

"I never thought I'd say this, but. . . I'm scared of. . . beavers! Especially fake, prehistoric beavers!"

/// End ///

Justin swung at Harold again, which caused him to stumble back, and lose his balance, but not enough to fall off of the platform just yet. Duncan wasn't finished trying to encourage Harold, though. "Just don't go and lose this challenge for us! Beavers can't swim through tar!" Duncan was quickly proven wrong when both beavers jumped into the tar, and began to swim incredibly well towards Harold's platform.

Harold hastily regained his balance, and ducked again in order to avoid Justin's attacks. He looked down at them, growling at the base of his platform. "T-Their teeth are the size of railway spikes!" Leshawna decided to help encourage Harold, calling up to him, too. "You'll be okay, baby!" "DON'T BE A WIMP!" Heather called up from her seat beside me. Duncan continued to spread misinformation on the beavers. "The columns are plaster, not wood, and beavers can't climb!" Turns out, yes, they can. "Huh. I guess my knowledge on prehistoric beavers is a little rusty."

Harold desperately tried to shoo away the beavers. "Down, beavers! Down! Get back to your dam!" The beavers did not falter from being hit, though, because they caused Harold to slip. Before he could fall, though, he grabbed onto Justin's loincloth, and dragged him down into the tar pit, along side him.

Chris just could not get enough of this, though. He burst out laughing, tears forming in his eyes. "Hahaha! That was. . . awesome! Haha! Ah. . . would have preferred to see some beaver carnage, but hey, you can't have everything. Anyways, that leaves the teams tied. . . and us with a grudge match between Duncan and Courtney! . . .On the same column! You just can't write this stuff!" He giggled, putting a hand to his forehead.

Courtney and Duncan walked over, both on either side of Chris. "Don't get too hyped. Duncan won't last more than two seconds!" Courtney bragged, swiping her hair over her shoulder. "Oh, yeah? Wanna bet, sweetheart?" Duncan threatened, raising his fist up at Courtney. Chris, though, split them up. "Woah! Save the lovin' for the platform!"

*

Courtney was shuddering into Duncan, due to there onto being room on the platform for one person, although Duncan was just savouring how pathetic she was being. "Haha! Quit trying to make out with me." Courtney didn't find it as funny as Duncan did. She shoved her bone into his face, pouting. "All you're going to kiss. . . is the end of my bone!"

I nudged Heather lightly, making a quick innuendo, just because I could. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, though I could see she laughed quietly.

The foghorn was blown into, signalling the beginning of the fight. Instantly, both Courtney and Duncan tried to push each other off, only to lose their balance, and tumble back. However, they were holding each other's hands, which brought them back up. Ironically, Courtney immediately kissed Duncan. I thought it must've been on purpose, because she looked so confident while doing it, but only feigned once pulling away.

Duncan widened his eyes with a flirtatious grin. "Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Now, that's the stuff!" 

/// Duncan ///

"I-It's like there were two Courtney's up there! The nut-job I wanted to knock right in to that tar pit, and the hottie in the fur bikini!"

/// End ///

/// Courtney ///

"Sure, Duncan has this primal, animal magnetism. But, he also makes me want to hit him where it hurts."

/// End ///

/// Lewis ///

"Yeah, uh, watching their confessionals. . . it sounds to me like those two are in heat."

/// End ///

In an instant, Courtney let out this animalistic yell, and used her bone to hit Duncan, directly in the nuts, where it hurt him most. He immediately yelped, and tumbled back, falling off of the platform, directly into the tar pit. Chris was quite entertained, because he even went as far as to check it out on the instant replays. 

"Well, I'd say the Gaffers had a better chance at the one million B.C. 'B.C', meaning 'Before Courtney'! Although, it just isn't their time to shine anymore. As for the Grips, they win today's reward! A mammoth-sized prehistoric barbecue!" The Grips happily cheered for their gigantic piece of meat, while the Gaffers sighed in defeat. However, Chris had something for them, too.

"Don't worry. . . the Grips may have won today's reward, but we're not gonna let the Gaffers go hungry!" Chris said, as he threw a giant goose egg over to Harold, who raised an uncertain brow at the thing in his hands. "A. . . pterodactyl egg?" "Should be enough for four! You do have fire." Although, in that moment, the Gaffers' fire was extinguished. "Maybe if you're lucky, the Grips will throw you a bone when they're done." Chris shrugged this off, as the Grips cheered happily again.

"Ha, ha, ha! Barbecue time!" Although, as soon as Chef got out of the car, it rolled back, and fell into the tar pit, making it completely inedible, now. "Oops." He blurted out, as all of the Grips gasped. Chris walked over, still savouring their misery. "Look on the bright side! You still have your bones. You could use 'em to hunt for dinner."

"Or, in Courtney's case, pick your teeth after your lobster." I muttered, causing Heather to laugh along with me. She responded to me, covering her mouth slightly, although speaking loud enough to be heard. "Now that HAS to hurt!" The 'pterodactyl' roared angrily at the sight of its egg in Harold's hand, which caused Chris to get not-so confident. "Uh, Harold. . . ? I think the pterodactyl wants its egg back. . ." Harold tried to drop it, but the tar that covered his body stuck to it, and kept it with him. "Wah-! Get this thing off of me!"

Heather spotted that it was the same goose that had flew off with her wig, so she forced the jacket she was wearing into me, and immediately ran for it. "GIVE ME BACK MY WIG! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY HAIR!" I was extremely concerned to see her wrestling the giant goose for the wig, considering they were meat-eaters, and it was already agitated. Although, to my surprise, she'd beaten it black and blue, and literally knocked it out. . .

Chef and Chris were shocked to see it, too, but they brushed it off, like, seconds later. "Probably tastes like chicken. . . ? Speaking of chicken, tonight's surf and turf! Shall we?" Chris turned his head to Chef, who seemed rather eager to get a break. "Let's shall." They both left with Courtney, probably to eat their fancy-pants lobster dinner. Harold was being held up by Leshawna, and Duncan was on the ground, holding his crotch in pain. 

"How long for a soft-boiled pterodactyl egg?" Harold asked. "I'm guessing around. . . three hours?" Leshawna responded nervously. "Um. . . Leshawna. . . ?" Harold began, looking down at her. "Yes, sweetie?" "My hands feel ouchie!" He exclaimed, crying out in pain.

/// Courtney ///

She was enjoying a lobster dinner. "Duncan got what was coming to him. And. . . so did I. Mm! Lobster and Belgian chocolate."

/// End ///

/// Duncan ///

He squealed in pain, holding his crotch still. "Eee! W-Why do they always go for the kiwis. . . ?"

/// End ///

/// Lewis ///

"Listen. I know everyone wanted to see Heather cut off Courtney's hair. And, trust me, so did I! The girl had it coming to her, from what I've heard. . . but. . . she's got a kick-butt lawyer, which also means we can't harm a hair on her head. Well. . . the crew can't, anyway. Which. . . also means. . . there was nothing on that contract that was invalidated! Well played, Heather! Well played."

Chapter Text

I was abruptly woken up by these super loud trumpets. 

Safe to say, I freaked out.

"MARY'S BACK!? W-WHERE!?" In fact, I was so startled that I hit my head on the empty bed over the top of me, and then fell onto the floor. I groaned in pain, sitting up, and rubbing my forehead. "Ah, crap. . . !" "Dude, who the hell is Mary?" Duncan asked mockingly, which earned a glare from me. "I. . . uh. . . I don't know. . ." He clicked his tongue, before raising an eyebrow. "Hm. . . Sounds familiar. Kinda." "Why does it matter what I was dreaming about, anyway!?" I stood up with a grunt, and leaned against the now-empty bunk bed.

The trumpets rang out again, and this time, Harold was startled by them. "I- I can't take the shelling anymore, Sarge! I- I just can't take it. . ." He began sobbing into his hands, much to Duncan and my confusion. "Harold. . . if you've added trumpets to your snoring, it's definitely time for you to die." He said, which was followed by Justin. "That's it, I'm moving to Canada. Except I'm already there. . ."

I frowned at him, before getting back into my bed, and turning towards the wall.

Maybe I can actually get comfortable again. . .

Unlike everyone else, who got up and walked outside, I was actually intending to stay in bed today. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be Chris' plan. He was outside, being as loud as a marching band was, not to mention the screaming coming from the competitors. Believe me, I tried to block it out. I covered my head with my pillow, but I could still hear it.

With a groan, I got up, and walked out the trailer door. "Alright, alright! Just sue me for trying to get a break around here!" "I'll try." Courtney said with a glare. At that point, Chris found it appropriate to begin speaking, and cut out the stupid instruments. "Today, you're all going to give 200% in our exciting sports movie challenge!" Harold shrugged casually. "You are aware that 200% is a mathematical impossibility-" But. . . he was met with a face full of spaghetti.

"Suck that 'ghetti back, you loveable underdogs, destined to come back from certain failure! We've got a training run!" Chris said as he walked away, leaving the contestants to get dressed for today's challenge. I  blinked, before groaning. "I was woken up, by some type of crazy marching band crap. . . for THIS?! You have got to be kidding me."

Unfortunately, they weren't. So, me and the boys all got dressed in the same trailer, 'cause we were comfortable with each other's bodies, although I really think that there has got to be a better way of phrasing that. . . anyway, we headed out to the set of the first challenge, and it was just a bunch of Astroturf on a rugby field.

While everyone else was doing laps on the rugby field, suckers, I was in the bleachers, trying to actually relax for once in a while. Now, I just KNOW I have not been doing that a lot. "That all you got, sports fans?! Man up! It's time for more action!" Chris announced, to the panting, sweaty teenagers who were near-passing out on the ground. 

"Three cups of spaghet ti followed by a 3K jog? All I'm ready for is a nap!" Leshawna complained, before seeing the fake grass. "Wha-? What is this, plastic lawn?!" "Uh, it's Astroturf, helloooo? It's a set! Today's competition is gonna require sweat, guts, heart, and sweat." Heather raised a brow. "You said 'sweat' twice." "That's 'cause it's not just your sweat you'll be dealing with! There's Chef's sweat, too. . . 'cause you'll be pushing him the length of the field. And he just ate a huge jar of jalapeno peppers, so he's spraying like a gym-class shower."

Justin raised a brow in disbelief. "We gotta push a spiced-up Chef, like he's a football dummy?!" Chef took it entirely the wrong way. Kind of. "Don't call me a dummy!" Heather scoffed, and turned away. "Uh, I am not swapping sweat with an oversized jalapeno." Leshawna narrowed her eyes, and prodded Heather with her finer. "You're takin' it for the team. Now get your skinny behind out there, and push that dummy!" "What'd I say about the 'dummy' thing?!"

"Well, you can do this one without me." Heather said, stubbornly folding her arms. Duncan, however, wasn't putting up with it. "Gotta side with Leshawna on this one. You're doing it."

/// Leshawna ///

"'Side with Leshawna'?" She gasped quickly. "Are they finally comin' around? That'd be like rolling up Christmas, Kwanzaa, Easter, Canada Day, and BOGO Day at the shoe store, all into one! Sweet, sweet forgiveness!"

/// End ///

The entire team was trying to push Chef, but it was expected that they were struggling, because their team consisted of a lanky nerd and a skinny prom queen, not to mention the only two people with actual strength there looked like they weren't even trying. "That's all you got?! I could push better than that on my day off!" He boasted, but, oh boy, Leshawna didn't like that. "Don't you talk smack to me!" She pushed her teammates away, and immediately forced both the dummy and Chef onto the ground. "Sorry, dummy! Guess I came to play hardball!" Leshawna then said, dusting off her hands.

Since the first sector of the challenge was done, both teams had to take part in an obstacle course. Although, when the Grips came to do the tires, they felt it was. . . 'rigged'. . . in a way. "These are SO not normal tires!" "My feet keep getting stuck." Chris walked over, and had obviously come up with a half-hearted apology. "Aw, really? I'm sorry. Wait 'til you get a load of the mousetraps, though!" They all yelped in pain as the traps snapped at their feet. "Snap to it, losers!"

*

The Grips and the Gaffers were doing some kind of war stuff, as if they were crawling through a battlefield, or something. "I have NEVER seen our school football team doing this!" Courtney exclaimed, as she continued. Chris, however, nodded. "You're right. . . But, we had some mud and barbed wire left over from the war movie, and it just seemed fun to me! Is it?" He asked, and his only response was several groans.

Once they'd finally gotten out of the 'mud pit', as Chris called, they were drenched in mud. "That. . . truly bit." Duncan complained with folded arms. "Who won, anyway?" Courtney impatiently asked, gazing around at everyone. Chris pulled out a clipboard, and began mumbling to himself. "Let's see! Uh. . . three. . . carry the five. . . nobody!" He just threw the entire clipboard, and I'm not even joking, it nearly hit me, if it wasn't for me moving just in time for it to miss.

Anyway. . . both the Grips and the Gaffers seemed confused as to why exactly there was no winner to the TRAINING run, so. . . yeah. "It was just to establish who's playing who for the real contest to follow!" A big screen switched on, and it had four panels on it, all of them displaying a different sport. I think the first one was some kind of boxing, the second was badminton, the third was wrestling, and the last was basketball. 

There's a hundred different sports to do with balls, that could actually be anything. . .

"We're running four sport-o contests, with competitors seeded, according to these results." The screen changed to display some stats of the competitors. "Seeded? There's a gardening challenge?!" Lindsay excitedly asked, clasping her hands together.

/// Lindsay ///

"Okay. So, he meant, like, sports seeding. I knew that! But, if there WAS a gardening challenge, I would seriously kick butt! I mean, nobody can even touch my tomatoes!"

/// End ///

So, since the first was wrestling, Chris just HAD to dress for the occasion. He took a microphone, and announce the two people fighting against each other. "In the right corner-er-er-er. . ."

. . . Was he the one-

Oh my God. He's faking the echoes. That's so childish.

"From the Killer Grips-ips-ips-ips-ips. . . the blonde bombshell. . . the lithe lollapalooza. . . the blue eyed bruiser. . . Lindsaaaay!" Lindsay happily sat in a stool in the right corner of the ring, surrounded by the rest of the Grips, while some kind of automated cheering played from the speakers.

"And, in the left corner-er-er-er. . . from the Screaming Gaffers-ers-ers-ers. . . the deluded dork. . . the lightweight loser. . . the knock-kneed numbskull. . ." I overheard Harold taunting Duncan, which was a fairly common occurrence now. "Sounds like you're up." However, Duncan wasn't up. It was Harold, instead. ". . . Haroooooold!" 

"What?! Me? Why me?" He anxiously questioned. Chris walked over with his hands behind his back. "Because you and Lindsay came last in the football drills. Loser versus loser. We're going to build to the top two players!" All of a sudden, Harold became unusually confident. "Glove me!" When he was. . . 'gloved'. . . he wasn't too pleased to find that his gloves were made of another substance. "But these are. . . marshmallow!" "Props! So, they don't hurt your pretty actor faces. And in true boxing movie tradition, you'll be fighting in. . . slow motion!"

. . . Do not tell me he's serious.

Well, the crowd thought he was. The match bell dinged, which meant that they needed to start fighting each other. Harold stepped into the ring, and he was taking this much, much more seriously than Lindsay was. He walked slow, he talked slow, and he fought slow. "You're. . . going. . . down. . ." Lindsay didn't even try being slow. "Hm! Take that!" She punched him, and although it didn't even hurt him, he acted as if it did.

He groaned slowly, walked backwards, and pretended to rebound off of the nets around the ring. "How does he do that?!" Leshawna asked in shock. Duncan shrugged, and watched in entertainment. "Eh. He has a lot of experience getting hit." When Harold went in for a very slow punch, Lindsay didn't even pretend to be hurt. She even had the time to literally take a bite out of his boxing glove, enjoy it, and swallow it. "Mm!"

Courtney was trying to get them to be more violent, since, according to her, it was a 'boxing' match, not a 'playing' match. "Oh- DON'T EAT IT! BLOCK IT!" She had, though, unknowingly dropped her PDA. Beth noticed this, picked it up, and tried to let her know so that she could give it back, but Courtney was still screaming. "Courtney, your. . ." "PLAY DIRTIER!" She noticed Duncan watching her dreamily from the other side of the ring, and furrowed her brows. "What do YOU want?!" "I like it when you talk like that. . ."

Beth, seeing her chance, giggled happily, and crouched down to lose any attention she had on her before. "My boyfriend is going to be so surprised to hear from me. . . ! What is. . . ? Oh, my glory!"

*

"Round two-oo-oo-oo!" Chris called out.

Y'know how I said at the start of this challenge, 'Chris just had to dress for the occasion'?

. . . Well, turns out Chef did, too.

"Ew, ew, ew, is more like it!" Duncan remarked, completely shocked by the things that Chef was wearing. "Ah, y'all are just jealous." Chef spoke blandly, rolling his eyes at everyone. Courtney covered her face in frustration, but still didn't notice Beth roughly placing the PDA back in her pocket. However, she did seem to lighten up after seeing Lindsay's expression whilst walking up to Harold.

Harold grunted as he tried several times to punch Lindsay, but got basically nowhere, since he was being too slow, and she could literally just move out of the way. ". . . Is he for real?" I questioned, raising a brow at his awful tactic. "I hope so. This is priceless!" Duncan said with a chuckle, but Leshawna was focused on cheering him on. 

"Let's go, Harold, baby! You got the moves, you got the grooves!" He shyly held his hands together in response. "Why, thanks, Leshawna. It's nice to-" He wasn't paying attention to the challenge that he was STARRING in, and got cracked in the face by Lindsay. He cried out in pain, and collapsed on to the ground.

Chris kneeled in front of him, counting to see if he was fit to continue. "One. . . two. . . three. . ." Leshawna wasn't at all relaxed now, and tried to get him to get up. "GET UP, HAROLD!" Although, Chris was already impatient. "Four-five-six-seven-eight, nine and ten. And, the winner is-is-is. . . Harold, and the Screaming Gaffers!" 

Apparently, the losers won. . . ? 

"But. . . didn't Lindsay knock out Harold?" I asked, quite confused. "Harold scored a bunch of extra points for doing such great slow motion. And. . . I had to dock YOU for biting!" Chris pointed at Lindsay, who gasped in shock. "Very unsportsmanlike, Ms. Tyson." Lindsay immediately got angry and raised a fist. "This was fixed! Ref's going down!" She began to walk over, but was held back by her other teammates. "Easy there, tiger. . ."

*

I was trying not to smash my head against a wall listening to Justin's idiocy. I think I was even getting to the point where I was losing useful braincells listening to him. "Hey! It's a miniature tennis racquet! Where are the miniature tennis balls? And how come the net is so stupidly high?" "This is a badminton court, you idiot! You don't even use a ball for this sport!"

Are his looks REALLY the only good thing he has?

Is there NOTHING in that tiny, tiny brain of his?!

"There was never a sports movie about badminton. . . that'd be seriously lame." He spoke, already bored of what I was saying. Luckily, I didn't have to beat the smarts into him, because Chris and Chef came over. "Uh, excuse me? There was a movie about badminton! And, it was very un-lame! And, it starred the very talented. . . me." Everyone was completely silent. 

I think nobody but me was actually interested in this stuff.

Well, it was my dad, so that was kinda. . . never mind!

"Thanks for asking! I'd love to re-create my finest scene."

Alright, let's see what this 'scene' was.

*

"I just want you to know. You guys are the best darn badminton players I've had the pleasure of coaching. You're beacons of freedom! Go show the Olympic committee we deserve a shot! Show them it's not badminton. It's goodminton! Heck, it's greatminton! Now, get out there, and win one for the Flipper!"

That was. . . AWESOME!

The expression, the words, thewayhedelivershislinesisjust-

/// Chef ///

"Why couldn't the Olympic Committee just give the Flipper a break!? It was his big dream!" He paused, before sobbing into his hands.

/// End ///

For the badminton challenge, Beth and Heather were going against each other. "Battling it out on the court for supremacy in our second round. . . Beth, and Heather!" Heather seemed a little too confident for my comfort. "Me against her? Piece of cake." Beth nervously looked down, but that was completely ignored as Chris threw down a stuffed bird. "Watch the birdie!" Heather was getting even more confident. "Feathers are about to fly. . ."

Beth caught it, and was prepared to serve it. But, uh, that was, until she hit it with her racquet, and heard it squeak. She yelped, and dropped her racquet in fear. "Eek! It's alive!" I snickered at her fear, while Chris got down from his chair, simply to mock her. He picked the bird up, and raised a brow. "It's stuffed. . . with a squeaker. . . That okay, Chicken Little? Serve to Heather." 

Heather was actually not startled by the bird at all, and did incredibly well at serving it. She made it so that Beth struggled to even get her racquet close to it. "Whoo! Go, Heather!" "Aw, yeah, bring it! Show her who's in charge!" Me and Leshawna cheered for Heather, which seemed to anger Beth.

Heather served again, and Beth was doing, surprisingly, pretty well. At this point, either could win a game. "Cheer her on, guys!" Leshawna encouraged, which set everyone off. "Yeah-ha! That's right, Heather, no mercy!" "Serve her up a hot, steaming bowl of humiliation!" "Your chances of winning are just about as real as your 'boyfriend'!" I gasped as Beth looked like she was about to take this game much, much, MUCH more seriously than she was before.

From that point on, Beth never missed a single shot. She hit every one, and even used her teeth to hold the racquet. In fact, the final shot was when she used her baton-twirling skills to hit the bird, which caused it to get stuck in the top of Heather's wig. She fell backwards, and began to panic about it. "AH! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!" Chris blew his whistle, and announced the conclusion. "We have a winner! Beth, from the Grips!"

The Grips carried Beth atop their shoulders, as everyone, including Beth, cheered for Beth. Leshawna put her hands on her hips, and glared at her, shaking her head. "You might have game, girl, but you still don't have a boyfriend." At that point, Beth immediately stopped cheering, and angrily stormed over to Leshawna and I. 

"You just resent me for being a champion baton twirler!" I got in between both of them, and argued back to Beth. "Just like you resent her for having an actually good fashion sense!" She didn't look like she was backing down, though. "Oh, please! It's not like Leshawna doesn't resent everybody here!" Leshawna gently pushed me to the side, offended. "Excuse me?" 

Beth still held something against her. "Why don't you admit it? Or, should we have Courtney play what you said about all of us on her PDA?!" Courtney, now, was the one getting angry. "I told you to stay away from my PDA!" Beth ignored Courtney's whining, and raised her voice. "It's on the Total Drama website, Leshawna! Everything you said about all of us when you went on that spa night!" Duncan, Harold and I all gasped at her, while Leshawna nervously looked around.

"Ooh! The underdog's about to take a bite out of her rival. This can't end well. Don't go away, there's plenty of sports-themed, backstabbing fun to come, on Total. . . Drama. . . Action!"

*

Everyone seemed to be going against Leshawna now. "You said mean things about me?" Lindsay asked, visibly hurt. "Lemme see, lemme see!" Harold begged Courtney to give him her PDA, but she only held it closer. "No!" Duncan walked over too, crossing his arms. "C'mon, Courtney, you know you wanna. . ." "Hmph. Fine! Only because I think you all have the right to know what she said. . ." Courtney agreed, because of Duncan. "Wait! There's nothin' to see! You guys'll be bored!" 

"Ooh, Heather, mmph! Just mean for the sake of bein' mean! Lindsay has half a braincell, max, and it's usually gone out shoppin'. Ooh, ooh! Probably with Justin's giant ego, ha-hoo! Oh, Duncan likes to think he's a bad boy, but when Courtney was there, she basically dragged him around by his eyebrow ring. Beth, y'know, actually wears a side ponytail. A SIDE pony! And Harold? Damn fool's sweet on me. But he's gettin' about as much play as an old-school cassette tape in a world of MP3s! Don't even get me goin' on that lil' Lewis. He thinks he's nice and all that, but anyone related to Chris, mm, you know ain't no good."

Nobody was happy to hear her speaking crap about them. I honestly didn't care, really. Both the Grips and the Gaffers turned to Leshawna and I angrily, but more Leshawna. I was sitting next to her, completely unbothered. "You don't understand! That was outside the game! I didn't know anybody'd see it!" Leshawna argued, and we were both approached by Chris.

"So. . . you weren't just joking? I thought. . . maybe you were joking!" Lindsay asked, still unsure about who to side with. Leshawna, seeing an excuse, rushed to it. "Uh. . . yes! I was. And, I wanted you to see it! Yeah, isn't that a riot? Haha! Psych! Haha. . ." It was so obviously a forced laugh, and everyone could see it.

*

We were all sitting in another set of bleachers, and everyone had distanced themselves from Leshawna. Apart from me. I really didn't see the problem here. Heather didn't either. "Leshawna just told it like it is! I don't see what the big deal is. I do it, all the time." She folded her arms. Lindsay and Beth were confused though, as to how she wasn't insulted. "She called you mean, and nasty!" ". . . I can live with that." Leshawna seemed rather grateful. "You can? Thanks, girl!" "Don't push it. It's not like we're new BFF's." 

Chris was dressed like an emperor, and was being wheeled in on some sort of chariot. He was also rolling his 'r's, but that wasn't too important. "Silence! The score is 1 to 1! And now, second seed Courtney will attempt to break the tie, competing in Greco Roman wrestling with. . . Duncan!" Duncan quickly stood up, and cheered for himself. "He shoots, he scores! Yeah! Aha!"

/// Courtney ///

"Puh-lease! My heart can't be swayed by just any tattooed bad boy. . . oozing danger out of every pore. . . I-I'm a fit and well-coiffed little package of pure competition!"

/// End ///

/// Duncan ///

"Oh, she's a fit and well-coiffed little package, alright! But, I'm not going there. Even though, I totally could. . . Uh- Remember what happened to Trent and Gwen? Hee-hee-hee. . . Ugly!"

/// End ///

Courtney was in her corner, stretching angrily, while Duncan was watching, in some kind of stress. "Just compete. . . Just compete. . ." He gave himself a pep talk, but it didn't do much use, because of the things that Chris had suddenly dumped into the boxing ring. A crap load of plastic balls. "Wait, wait, wait a second! I have to wrestle her. . . in a kiddie ball pit?!" Courtney stood up, along with Duncan, and she didn't look happy either. "EW! How long since these have been washed?!" "Never! We got 'em from a local carnival. A really cheap, skeevy one. . . now, play ball!" Chrs blew a massive horn, and both Courtney and Duncan dove into the pit to wrestle each other.

I raised a brow at the childish fighting that was going on, but my attention was drawn away from that when I heard Leshawna quietly mumbling to herself. "Aw, I'm toast! I can't get voted off, I done come this far. . . What should I even do. . . ?" I groaned, and leant back, getting comfortable. "The only thing you can do." "Uh-? Which is. . . what, exactly?" She questioned, raising a brow. "Apologize." "Huh!? You crazy, or somethin'?" 

". . .Not yet. I can remember Chef telling me something real helpful when you get yourself into situations like this. He said to me, 'If you go and say something mean to someone, and end up getting caught, the best and only thing to do is say sorry. At least if they're still angry, you can go and say you did your part, and tried to make your mistake hurt less.' So. . . just apologize."

I explained, shrugging her concern off. "That's. . . actually some good advice! Wait, why aren't you angry, too?" She questioned, and pointed a finger. "That's the life of fame. No matter how nice you are, one mistake'll ruin that. It's constant pressure, and it's better if you just let it go. Always gonna be one person that doesn't like you." It seemed to have convinced her, and she got all soft with me. "You know somethin', Lewis?" "Hm?" "You and your family's pretty smart, for a bunch-a crazy lunatics." I nodded. "Hey, what can I say? My dads might be  crazy lunatics, but that means they're also pretty good with psychology."

Returning our focus to the wrestling match happening right in front of us, I could tell that Duncan was far from winning. He'd basically lost not just the match, but also his dignity. ". . .Ugh! What's under here anyway? A day care centre?" Duncan said, flicking away a baby bottle. He was quite shocked to find a baby in his other hand. "Mama?" However, Chef was quick to come in and 'nap the kid.

Courtney was way more focused on beating the crap out of Duncan to care about anything else. She pulled him underneath her, and began to choke him out, until Chris came down, listening to what he was saying. "What was that, Duncan?" ". . . Uncle. . . !" "Nice! We have a winner!" The Grips happily cheered for Courtney, while the Gaffers sighed in defeat.

Courtney celebrated her victory, panting from exhaustion. "Y-YES! In your face, Duncan! I am the champion ball wrestler!" She stood on top of him, while the Grips cheered from outside of the container.

/// Duncan ///

". . . I don't know. . . The kid called me 'Mama'. . . and it threw me off my A-Game." He heard a man snickering, off to the side of the confessional camera. "What?! Am I funny to you!? Lemme come over there, and you can laugh to my face!" He stood up, and began walking towards the man.

/// End ///

"So, as we head to the fourth and final leg of the Total Drama sports tourney, the Grips are ahead, two to one. Final face-off? A slam-dunk competition, with points going to the most creative dunk. Let's play it for the camera, it's Justin and Leshawna!" Chris bounced over the basketball to Justin, who caught it.

The Grips happily cheered for Justin, while he bounced the ball up and down to get ready. Leshawna watched him nervously, which encouraged me to cheer for her. "Whoo! Go. . . uh. . . Leshawna. . . ?" I slowed my speech as I saw that none of the Gaffers were cheering for Leshawna. Not even Harold. Not even HAROLD. "Letraitor! Lebenedict Arnold! Le. . . I'm-too-sad-to-think-of-another-insult. . ." Harold spoke, looking away in betrayal. Duncan rolled his eyes at him.

/// Leshawna ///

"'Play it for the camera'? I wanted to hide under the bleachers 'til the whole thing was over! Think anyone's ever done a slam dunk from under the bleachers? That'd be creative. Anyway, I'm glad at least Lewis ain't against me. What that boy said was real smart, but I don't have a chance to say sorry right now."

/// End ///

Both Justin and Leshawna had a basketball, and Justin was preparing to do a slam dunk. "Alright. I call this one, the 'Justin freezes the Gaffers' slam." Chris blew his whistle, and Justin began dribbling the ball. 

He spoke subtly to his team, although it was audible. "Hey, keep watching." Leshawna watched, unimpressed, until Justin forcibly pushed her, causing the Grips to laugh at her. He also dribbled the ball over to Duncan and Harold, and threw it off of Harold's chest, making him yelp in pain.

Now, I might tolerate Duncan doing that, but I certainly wasn't going to tolerate JUSTIN doing that.

As if it wasn't horrible already, Justin stole Heather's wig, much to her shock, put it on the basketball, and dunked it through the hoop. "Justin, that may have been impressive, but it was pathetic. YOU'RE pathetic!" I said, and prodded his chest with my finger. "Aw, is the little baby Chris angry at me?" He mockingly asked, ruffling my hair. All of the Grips laughed. . . I growled, and pushed him off, before storming over to the Gaffers.

Leshawna seemed to agree with my unspoken opinion. "Now, see, there's just telling it like it is, and then there's just being a big ol' jerk!" She said, handing Heather's wig back to Heather. I, on the other hand, was trying to un-mess my hair, or whatever Justin did to it, while scowling at the Grips. "Took the words right. . . out of my mouth. . ."

Since it was time for Leshawna to get on the court, she left our sides. "I call this one, the 'Leshawna climbs to the top, wham-bam-thank-you' slam!" Justin raised a brow, and continued to mock her, the Gaffers, and me. "Real creative." However, this was exactly what Leshawna was planning, for she sent the ball flying forward into his chest, onto the trampoline, and into the basketball net. I immediately began laughing at him. "OH! HAHA! YOU LOSEEERR!"

"Point to Leshawna, and the Gaffers! Prepare for the ultimate extreme sports tiebreaker!" All the contestants stared at each other in silence.

*

Chris decided to get his point across with a massive monitor, with, you guessed it, him on it. "Get ready for the battle of battles! The grudge match the world has been waiting for! A competition so intense, so gruelling, so. . ." "So, what is it, already?!" Leshawna impatiently asked him, her hands on her hips. He paused, nothing but silence in the air. The monitor then switched off, and Chris came driving up with, like, a bag full of pink pom-poms.

"Pom-poms?!" Courtney asked, both shocked and confused. "Where there are pom-poms, there are pom-pom girls. . ." Harold dreamily spoke, which caused Courtney to furrow her brows at him. Chris got out of the car, and dropped the bag of pink pom-poms. "The only cheering will be done by you and your team! Each team's gotta dig deep, and create a cheer for someone they think deserves cheering."

The Grips were huddled together, thinking very hard. However, the Gaffers were just chucking out who they, SPECIFICALLY would like, rather than a majority vote. "Ooh! Ooh! I got it!" Harold began, before saying his idea. "Let's cheer for Norbert Swindlow!" ". . . Weren't you named after that guy?" I questioned, but he quickly shushed me. "It's not-! It's. . . the inventor of the pom-pom! Duh!" 

"I say we cheer for me." Heather proposed, pointing at herself. "Hm. . . not a bad idea." I muttered, but Leshawna had other ideas. "Oh, pfft! You?!" Duncan folded his arms. "I'd rather cheer for my school principal. My mother. Leshawna." He listed several people, before glaring at Leshawna. She returned the glare, before walking past Heather, who also commented. "Okay, that's really low. . ."

Leshawna looked to the Grips, and gasped. "Hey! While we're fightin', they're workin' on whipping our butts!" Chris took the entire team by shock 'cause of his sudden appearance. "Time! Gaffers up first!" Harold thought for a moment, trying to make up an excuse. "Um. . . well. . . Chris, we. . . um. . ." However, surprisingly, Leshawna came up with something on the spot.

"Courtney, Courtney, she's my pal! She loves her PDA and she's an organized gal! Lindsay and Justin might be dumb , but I'd be so proud if they'd call me their chum! Heather, Heather, queen of mean, she got a nice scalp for a groovin' teen! Duncan and Beth, they're quite a pair! He's tough, she's goofy, but they both got flair! And Harold's the best, he's quite a guy! He's goofy and he's scrawny, but he's got my eye! Woo hoo!"

". . . Uh. . . Leshawna. . . ? Was that supposed to be the apology that we talked about. . . ?" I yelled, although it was as quiet as a whisper so nobody else heard me but her. Harold folded his arms. "That was either the coolest thing. . . or the dorkiest thing I've ever seen." "YEAH! HOW MUCH HEART DID THAT HAVE? I'D LIKE TO SEE THE GRIPS BEAT THAT!" Heather cheered for Leshawna, and hugged her happily.

The Grips cheer was. . . well. . . something. . . ?

No, because literally, all that it was was them. . . saying. . . 'Chris'.

Like. . . sixteen times.

I watched this in surprise, glancing over to Chris once, to see him looking prouder of them than I ever saw him look with me. I'm not gonna lie, that made me jealous. I wanted to speak up, but when I tried. . . "Are you-" "AMAZING! The performance! The artistry! The incredible kissing up! We have the winners! Losers, I'll see you in the theatre."

/// Lewis ///

"So, I'm thinking to myself. If I helped Leshawna solve her problems with the cast, then who the hell is gonna get voted off!? And, that's when I realized. It's gonna be either Heather, or Duncan. BOTH, may I mention, have been mentioned on Total Drama Aftermath for getting comfortable with me! And, that might not seem like a problem at first, but if Heather gets voted off. . . my boyfriend's gonna kill me!"

/// End ///

/// Leshawna ///

"Get my bed ready, Leshaniqua. Your trask-talkin' cousin's comin' home."

/// End ///

I decided to actually do something for this Gilded Chris ceremony. 

Hide and wait it out. Then, give Heather a piece of advice when she's voted.

"So! The Gaffers lose it again. Must be tough, especially with your own teammate dissing you all over the World Wide Web!" Chris teased, to nobody's appreciation. "Hey, I got enough problems without you mixin' things up!" "And Heather? You gotta feel awful over your humiliating loss to Beth on the badminton court." Heather simply folded her arms, and rolled her eyes. Chris raised a brow, and tried to get her attention. "Heatheerrr?" "Sorry. I'm trying to remember what feeling awful is like." 

Chris saw this an opportunity to mock Duncan. "Duncan might remember, seeing as he lost to a girl. In WRESTLING!" Duncan stood up, and argued back. "She's not a girl, she's Courtney! It's a whole 'nother thing!" "Harold, I'd say you're the only one here who might be safe!" Harold sat up, and tried to do a speech. "Well, Chris, I-" Unfortunately, he was cut off. 

"Ooh! Nobody wants to hear it. Just take the statue. Diaper shark, you're safe too. Leshawna?" Chris started. Leshawna raised a brow. "Yes?" "I'm sorry, but. . . heads up!" Chef threw the statue at her, which she quickly caught, but was shocked. "YES!" Heather was shocked, too. "What?! You voted me off- ME?!"

/// Duncan + Harold ///

"I know Leshawna dissed us." Duncan started. "Sure, Leshawna called me deluded." Harold said, shrugging. "But, that cheer, well, pfft! We counted her out. But she showed us she had heart, guts, grit, and a bounce that won't stop." "Sounds like a sports movie. The thing is, she didn't totally shoot me down. Okay. She still has a hold on me, I can't help it. . . I'm a slave to love!" Harold grabbed a hold of Duncan, hugging him. Duncan looked down at him angrily, while Harold had only just realized what he'd done.

/// End ///

Heather was walking towards the limousine, but before she could, I stopped her. "Heather! This is very important!" I grabbed her by the shoulders, and startled her. "Lewis?! Where'd you come from!?" "That's. . . not important. Anyway, you're going on a show called Aftermath, and they're obviously all for drama, so they're gonna ask about us. Y'know, our relationship. I know I have a boyfriend already, so can you please not try and make ANYTHING sound romantic? I don't want him to get the wrong idea!" I was basically nearly begging, but she seemed totally fine. "What?! Of course I wouldn't do that! I'll just. . . pretend it was CGI, or something!" "Oh my gosh- Thank you! I owe you one!"

She got into the car, and it drove off, leaving me to sigh with relief.

Chapter Text

I was just sitting around the fire with the other contestants, but it was clear some weird tension was going on between these people. I had no clue why, but I wanted to ease it a little bit. When I tried, though. . . "So. . . ! Um. . . how are you guys doing. . . ?" "I don't think we need any of your opinion, as of late. So, keep your mouth shut." Courtney folded her arms and glared at me, and for once in my life. . . I actually felt obligated to listen to her.

I looked down at the ground nervously, staying quiet. That's about the moment Leshawna came up, holding a sandwich absolutely covered in flies. "Ugh! I keep eatin' like this, and my booty's gonna get fiddy!" Nobody responded to her because they were angry with her. I didn't respond to her because I knew that Courtney blabbed to everyone about me helping Leshawna. I could see nobody liked that, either. "See!? Now, that is not kosher. What's a girl gotta do? I've said I'm sorry about that teensy spa lie just about a million times now!"

/// Courtney ///

"And that is the only million Leshawna will ever see." She laughed mockingly, holding her PDA up into her ear. "My lawyers are working on it right now!"

/// End ///

Leshawna came over to me, Duncan and Harold, quite surprised. "Even my own teammates?! Lewis?" Harold stood up, cheering for her both half-heartedly, and unwillingly. "I can't talk right now. Courtney's looking at me. . ." I did talk, although not loud enough for the other team to hear. With that piece of information, she turned her attention back to Harold. "Careful. You'll get windburn from movin' so fast!" Duncan raised a brow. "Hey. I don't trust anybody anyway, so. . . heh. . . biz as usual, teamie." "Bleak, yet oddly heartwarming."

Our attention was drawn away from each other when Lindsay grunted. I looked upwards, to see she was struggling with getting the door open. "Ugh! Door! It's me, Lindsay, from this morning! You remember. . ." Courtney watched this in annoyance, before speaking up. "Door, meet doorknob!" "Oh, yeah!" 

When Lindsay tried the handle, though, a camera came down and scanned her face. "Intruder alert. Entry denied." The stairs to the trailer folded so that they turned into a ramp, and Lindsay slid down them, into this pit that had just appeared in the ground. When Duncan ran over to check on her, he got hit in the neck with a blowdart, and passed out, also into the pit. "DUNCIE!" Courtney yelled, which made me raise a brow. "Dun. . . huh?" Courtney ran over to the pit, but she also got knocked out, but I didn't really pay attention to how. 

Like, I do not know why everybody was so terrified of being knocked out. They all ran out into the single available trailer, and literally left Harold behind, outside, completely out in the open.

I'm starting to understand that natural selection does not always mean survival of the fittest.

Two interns came up to me holding, like, a bomb or something. "Yo, dude, we're gonna knock those kids out. Wanna do it?" I blinked in confusion, processing the question. "Uh, aha, obviously!" I took it, and immediately headed round to the closest window. I slid it open, to see absolute havoc going on in the trailer.

They were using tables and pillows to block the door, Beth was sobbing, Justin was covering his face, and Leshawna just looked overwhelmed by everything going on at once. "Um. . . are you guys. . . cool?" I asked, propping myself up in the window. "I'M HIDEOUS!" "WE'RE GONNA DIE!" "What do you think?! We're gonna die in here!"

/// Harold ///

"I always knew the producers were mean, but now I think they're actually trying to kill us! If you ask me, it's a conspiracy to-" He did not get to finish his sentence, for someone knocked him out.

/// End ///

". . .Not yet, you're not." I shrugged, which caused Beth to look up at me, sniffling while also trying not to resume sobbing. "When are we. . . going to?" "Hm. . . about now." I dropped the canister of sleeping gas into the trailer. "Bye!" I shut the window, and laughed quietly as I heard them panicking inside the trailer. And, then not too long later, they just passed out.

. . . We're gonna have to air that out later.

*

After dragging them to the set of the next challenge, with the help of some interns, and some unfavourable struggling, I was just standing against the wall, waiting for them to wake up. I mean, I'd also agreed to looking like a certain evil ex with the initials M.P, but that doesn't matter. It's ALL part of today's challenges.

[matthew patel mention??]

After a few more minutes, they finally started groaning, and I took that as a cue to let Chris know. So, after I did, Beth had accidentally elbowed Justin in the eye. "OW! MY EYE! MY BEAUTIFUL, UNINSURED EYE!" Turns out, he'd just gotten a black eye. "I- I'm so sorry! Are you okay!?" Beth put a hand on his arm, only for him to pull away. "Gah-! I bruise easier than a Clingstone peach! Must prevent swelling-! I need ice! ICE!" 

He ran around looking for some, which I thought was pretty stupid. He pulled out his hand mirror, and began sobbing when he looked at himself. "I AM A HIDEOUS BEAST!" He fell to his knees, and covered his eye. "Nobody will ever hire me now. My modelling career is over. I'll have to go work in the circus as a. . . as one of those. . . circus freaks!"

"Hey! Where is my PDA!?" Courtney asked, looking around for it. Beth picked it up off of the ground, and tried to hand it to her, but Courtney got the complete wrong impression. "Aha! Trying to steal it again, I see!" "N-No! I was trying to give it back! Swearsies!" She pleaded with Courtney, but instead of accepting that, she signalled that she would keep her eyes on Beth.

That was about the moment that the hologram monitor switched on, and Chris was there, but the interns clearly didn't put as much effort into his outfit as they did mine. He was, uh, also petting. . . a cat. That. . . I think we found somewhere? Anyway, he laughed maniacally, before talking in a bad foreign accent.

He really wasn't living up to expectations here.

"Welcome to zhe cloak-and-dagger world of spy movies, man and woman." Duncan widened his eyes, before quickly furrowing his brows. "Dude, what's with the bad Jamaican accent?" Leshawna seemed to be offended at his clueless guess. "Jamaican?! More like Japanese!" And, Leshawna also turned it into this whole massive argument about what the accent was. "No, Swedish!" "French!" "Kinda sounds Italian to me. . ."

I glanced up at Chris with a raised brow, and he returned the look, before speaking in his normal voice. "Um, hellooo?! It's Russian, and I should know, because I am an act-or!" Duncan chuckled, folding his arms. "Really?" Chris did not answer that, and instead explained the challenges. "Any good spy in any good spy movie must have three essential skills. One. The ability to deactivate a bomb. Two, the ability to escape an exploding building. And three, the ability to fake an accent that makes people believe you actually speak the language! Like my fab Russian accent, mahn."

That cat's being moved around quite a lot. . .

. . . and I'm also pretty sure it's a mongrel. 

"You'll need two of the three skills to get through today's reward challenges. Can you guess which two? Let me give you a hint. Not the third one, mahn!" He did that weird accent again, before laughing maniacally, again. Courtney gasped, and turned to everyone. "Does anybody know anything about bombs?!" Lindsay enthusiastically raised her hand. "Ooh! I do! I do!" 

/// Lindsay ///

"I was once in a musical about the environment called 'The Three R's'. I was Recycle, and my best friend Marcy played Reduce. She paints her nails grapefruit, just like me. Anyway, only three people showed up, and the director said it bombed. So, yeah, I know a thing or two about bombs."

/// End ///

"Mr. Ninja-not-so-much over here doesn't get anywhere near the bomb!" Duncan ordered, which could be heard by Harold. "If you deactivate bombs the way you foil booby traps, we are so dead!" Harold said, raising a fist at Duncan.

Chris, though, wasn't finished. "Oh, and two last things. Since I'm really ho-hum bored of this arguing between teams, someone's gonna be helping both the Grips AND the Gaffers into today's challenge! Someone that Courtney doesn't particularly like. . . Also, the teams are not being merged today! This 'peacemaker' is just to add tension in the Gilded Chris ceremony! I'll see you back on solid ground. Let the Double-O-Sevening begin!" The cat in Chris' lap growled at him, before lunging for his face. The camera cut out right before that, though.

. . . I help both teams, like, all the time.

I noticed that everyone was looking to Leshawna, and she didn't seem to appreciate it. "What you lookin' at me for? I'm a Gaffer, not a Grip! Help yourselves!" "Uh, Chris said you're helping us. So, you're helping US!" Courtney said, and tried to grab Leshawna, but she didn't seem willing. "He would have said me, right? It ain't me!" 

So. . . I'm just waiting until they're actually struggling to find an exit. There's no point if they know what they're doing.

I might as well make my 'character' more. . . 'mysterious', or whatever Chris told me to do.

"How do we get out of here?" Harold asked, looking around the dark cave. "I say this way. OW! Not again. . ." Lindsay said, rubbing her forehead in pain. She'd walked directly into a cardboard cut out, without realizing. Courtney was pacing back and forward, looking at her PDA, before setting her sights on a specific direction. "The GPS indicates an exit, somewhere over there." Unfortunately for her. . . the 'GPS' system was cut off 'accidentally'. "Huh?! Oh- Come on, work! You stupid little. . ."

"I don't normally trust technology, but, in this case? I might have to make an exception." Duncan said with a smirk, looking at Courtney's. . . uh. . . lower half. Leshawna put her hands on her hips, and raised a brow. "Honey, that direction only leads you to heartache and tears on your pillow." I narrowed my eyes, listening to what Leshawna was saying.

I had a very strange feeling that she'd experienced heartbreak like that before?

I mean, I'm not trying to be rude here, but she looks much older than a 17 year old should.

"We're never gonna get out of here! We're gonna die in here!" Beth panicked, putting her hands on her face. Courtney scoffed, and rolled her eyes, while continuing to try and get the GPS to work again. "Why?! Won't!? You?! Work!? UGH!" She hit it several times with her palm, but it still wouldn't switch on.

"I have an idea!" Harold suddenly proposed, drawing everyone's attention to him. "This is a spy movie, right? Spy flicks always have some kind of secret door. . . So, we have to look around and find a painting that has a tunnel in it!"

Oh, for God's. . .

You were SO close, yet so. . . so. . . far.

Right. I think it's about time I actually do something.

I adjusted my jacket, before walking silently into where the light of the cave was. Nobody had noticed me yet, which was annoying, I'm not going to lie. ". . . You're still here?" I questioned, raising a brow at them. That caught their attention, and they looked, for some reason, surprised to see me. "Lewis?! What are you doing here?!" Beth questioned, and I was slightly relieved to see she didn't remember me throwing a gas bomb into her trailer. 

"Uh, what do you think? I'm here to-" I began, but was cut off by Courtney grabbing me by the shoulders. "FIND THE EXIT NOW! I KNOW YOU DID SOMETHING TO MY GPS SYSTEM!" While everyone else was disturbed at her raised voice, I had actually trained myself for this. An hour of giving yourself pep talks can really help your anxiety towards another person.

Instead of giving her an answer, I simply looked to the side, where the hidden elevator was, before walking towards it. "Here. Push this." I pointed at a large boulder, which was actually a lever to trigger the elevator door opening. Justin did so, and they seemed to congratulate him, rather than me. "Way to go, Justin!" "Good eye!" Everybody rushed in the elevator, followed by me.

/// Justin ///

"Now that I'm a hideously deformed circus freak, I have to rely on my brains to win this thing." He continuously tapped his head. "You hear me, brain?! Yeah, I'm speaking to you!"

/// End ///

/// Lewis ///

"Okay, since this is, like, one of the first actual characters I have to act for, I'm taking it seriously! I mean, just listen to this! My character is literally, like, the coolest guy ever. 'A teenage underdog',  that's me, 'turned lackey by an evil mastermind', that's Chris, 'who now works as a leading general to spies in training'!" I happily laughed, and put a hand to my head. "That's the most cool thing I've ever heard!"

/// End ///

The elevator went up about ten floors before stopping at another set, which looked a bit like a museum. Mainly because of the artifact in the centre of the room, which was a bag, but that wasn't the point. It was a strangely expensive-looking set, but I didn't pay much attention, because I had to keep up this 'cool' persona of mine.

Everybody else stepped out of the elevator and looked around in awe, but I only stepped out, and rested against a wall. "Cool. . . !" Duncan said, strangely happy. "Awesome!" Justin said, looking around. "This is like something out of that spy movie, The Ultimate Ultimatum." Harold shared his opinion with Lindsay. From her facial expression, I could see that she had clearly never watched that movie. It was, actually, a good movie.

Another hologram monitor appeared, and Chris was on it, small  scratched visible on his face. Nobody seemed to pay attention to the smaller details, though. "Don't I look awesome in blue?" Not a single contestant said anything about his looks. "Now. . . for the first part of the spy movie challenge. . . see that case in the middle of the room?" You have to get whatever's inside, 'cause you're gonna need it for part two of the challenge."

Duncan raised a hand, and shook his head confidently. "No problem-o. Easy smash and grab!" Chris didn't appreciate the way he was interrupted. "Ahem!" I pressed a button beside me, which activated all the lasers in the room, much to Duncan's shock. In fact, he was nearly hit by one. "I need to finish. You gotta get whatever's inside without setting off the alarm. But, be careful. Those lasers will cut you clear in half. . ." Chris warned.

"I look a WHOLE lot better. . . whole!" Lindsay said, holding her face. "Fittin' under there is not gonna be easy for this bountiful booty." Leshawna commented, trying to slide under a laser. Justin watched this in fear, looking upwards. "Brain, got any ideas. . . ?" Beth and Lindsay turned to each other, smiling. "Want to go together, BFF?" They both said at the same time. Immediately, they grabbed each other's hands, and ran forward giggling.

*

Lindsay and Beth ended up in quite the predicament. They were on top of each other, barely missing the rays of lasers. I approached them, hands in my pockets. It was quite easy to dodge the lasers. All I had to do, with my slightly shorter figure, was either duck or step over them. 

"Seriously. . . ?" I asked, slightly annoyed. "This is all your fault!" Lindsay said to Beth, but Beth argued back. "No, this is all your fault! What kind of BFF are you, anyway?! Number one requirement for a BFF, don't allow other BFF to get stuck between dangerous, life threatening lasers!" I furrowed my brows, watching the two argue. Lindsay decided she wanted the last word, though. "Yeah!? Well. . . you know what the number two requirement is?! The number one requirement!"

". . . This is seriously pathetic." I spoke, before pushing them both off of each other. Luckily, they both dodged the lasers, but they were both directly under a low one. "Now, here's an easier puzzle for you. Figure out how to get out of this situation." I said, walking away.

*

Courtney was, unsurprisingly, doing well in this challenge. She was doing flips and all that crap to avoid the lasers. "Wow. I have a feeling you've robbed a bank before." I commented, although she scoffed, and ignored me. Duncan walked up beside me, watching Courtney do her whole agility thing. Out of nowhere, she jumped to avoid another laser, and Duncan. . . well, Duncan. . .

"If I were a wolf, I'd howl! . . . Ah, what the heck? AWOOOHOO!" I looked to my side, extremely disturbed. He didn't understand what he had done wrong, and I didn't feel quite appropriate  enough to explain it to him so that he'd take it seriously. Leshawna drew my attention away, but only because she was speaking in quite the concerned tone. "Uh. . . help? Help! Somebody? Uh, anybody. . . help?"

I knew that Chris was just savouring their suffering, so I didn't do anything to help. I looked over to my right to see that Justin was talking to his brain in a mirror, which was. . . more of a pep talk, actually. "Okay, brain, it's all up to you. I know you haven't had a lot of experience in the past. . . um. . . sixteen years, give or take, but you can do this!"

He attempted to go forward and sneak by the lasers, but he tripped over his own feet, somehow, and began sliding towards an active laser.

I'd just had a sudden idea.

"HEY! HEY, MAN CANDY MACHINE!" I yelled in his direction. He turned both his head and the mirror towards me, successfully reflecting the laser away from him, so that it wasn't activated. "Huh? Oh-! Hey! Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who is the smartest one of all? Hehe. . ." I blinked, processing what he'd just said to himself.

What.

WHAT?!

This cruel joke is less funny than when Chris managed to somehow make a play on the words 'couples therapy' to Chef.

Duncan was busy ogling at Courtney's thighs again, while him and Harold were also trying to help Leshawna. It wasn't going very well. "Hey. Hey, Romeo! I'm not a wishbone! Stop gawkin' and start liftin'! Oh, careful. . . careful. . ." Leshawna tried to get them to be slow, but Duncan just dropped her leg once he started to get impatient. Luckily, they didn't set off any alarms, and got Leshawna out of the situation fine.

Justin, on the other hand. . . "Uh, hm. . . pros and cons of life as a circus freak. Pro: Travel. . . Con: The bearded chick. . ." Leshawna stood up, and turned to both Harold and Duncan. "You gotta admit, that was pretty cool. The three of us working together, solving problems." Harold frowned. "One of us, anyway. Some of us were too busy making googly eyes at a certain girl." 

Harold and Duncan got up in each other's faces, but were pushed away by Leshawna. "Guys, focus. How do we get out of here?" Duncan then saw this as a chance to be a massive jerk again. "Here. . . you go first!" He pushed Harold backwards into one of the lasers, much to my concern. I was, luckily, fast enough to pull him forward before he could hit one. "Hey, watch it!" He complained, more towards Duncan than towards me."

"Lewis! Just who I was lookin' for. How about we form a secret alliance? If us three all vote together, and you work your. . . 'behind the scenes' magic, we'll all make it to the final three." Leshawna proposed, but neither me and Harold were too intent. "There aren't enough rare Treskilling Yellow 1855s in the world to ever make me work with HIM." "Huh. You really ARE a dork." Duncan said, in a mixture of disbelief and mockery.

"The Treskilling Yellow 1855 is the rarest stamp in the world. Worth over two million dollars. If I had it, I wouldn't need to be here, listening to your drivel." Leshawna furrowed her brows at Harold's infodump. "Harold, forget your stupid stamps! Three words: one. million. dineros!" While Harold and Duncan shook on it, I glanced towards the projector where the hologram came from.

Knowing Chris. . . he's probably watching our every move.

I was not ready to risk the consequences.

"Hmph. I don't care what you give to me. I'm not working anywhere near Duncan. If anyone had a chance to win the million, it certainly wouldn't be him. Enjoy your alliance." I said stubbornly, walking off. "Okay. . . now what?" Courtney brought my attention upwards. I noticed that she was standing directly beside the glass container covering the artifact. "Grab whatever's around, and smash it open! The case probably isn't armed, since the lasers are protecting it." Duncan brought up.

I raised a brow, with a hand on my hip. "Have you ever seen a spy flick before, Duncan? The lasers are always just the first step. . . then, there's booby traps. . . security guards. . . not to mention escaping the building. You can't just smash open whatever you'd like, whenever." I didn't seem to be getting through to either of them, though. "Don't listen to this edgy dork! Grab whatever you can, and smash away!"

Courtney began to think of what to do, before she just ultimately walked away. "Uh, no. What is that girl doin'?!" I watched her walking away, slightly unsure. "I doubt she'd listen to me. . . So. . . I do not know." In a matter of seconds, Courtney began to run back towards the glass, and smashed it whilst doing a jump kick.

My uncertainty turned to confusion as all of the lasers turned off. Without any booby traps, or alarms, or security guards. "Hm. . . that's strange. Usually there'd be some blaring alarm in flicks like these." I questioned, putting a hand to my chin.

/// Duncan ///

"Oh-ho-ho! NOTHING grips my wheel more than a chick with a furious spin-heel flying jump kick! After that mixed martial arts display, Courtney shot way up on my 'you're alright' meter!"

/// End ///

Courtney filtered through the bag, only to find that. . . there were two things in it. "That's odd! It's just a weird gun thingy, and some wire cutters." It seemed to come to Leshawna in an instant. "To escape. . . a building. . . that's about to blow!" That's when the alarms rang out, and the hologram switched on, with a timer in the lower right corner. "The room blows in ten. . . nine. . ."

They believed this to be a perfect time to cut to break without any notice.

*

Courtney filtered through the bag, only to find that. . . there were two things in it. "That's odd! It's just a weird gun thingy, and some wire cutters." It seemed to come to Leshawna in an instant. "To escape. . . a building, that's about to blow!" That's when the alarms rang out, and the hologram switched on, with a timer in the lower right corner. "The room blows in ten. . . nine. . . eight. . ."

Everybody began freaking out and screaming. There was no reason to panic, since Courtney existed, but it looked like everybody kept forgetting that. ". . . seven. . . six. . . five. . ." Lindsay was hugging Beth. "I'll miss your smile!" "No, I'll miss your smile!" Leshawna suddenly hugged Justin out of nowhere, much to his shock. "Well, I'll miss your smile, hot stuff!" Courtney grabbed onto Duncan, and he looked down at her in surprise. Harold was busy cowering in the corner. "I'm too knowledgeable to die!" "Three. . . two. . . one. . ."

. . . Which was followed by Chris blowing a raspberry, and laughing at them. "Haha! Suckers! Hahaha! You should've seen the looks on your faces!"

The looks on theirs. Not mine.

. . . Y'know.

Duncan frowned, and rolled his eyes, letting go of Courtney. "Oh, come on!" She let go of him too, before elbowing him, causing him to fall over.

/// Courtney ///

"For the record, what I gave Duncan would be properly be classified as a pity hug. He was clearly scared out of his mind! Probably would have died of fright if I hadn't wrapped my arms around him. His little heart was beating so fast, so. . ." She sighed dreamily. "No! Pity hug. Pity hug, plain, and simple."

/// End ///

/// Duncan ///

"Man! Courtney is THIS close to begging me to take her back. Just watch!"

/// End ///

"You'll need the zip wire gun and the wire cutters for the next spy challenge. Whether Courtney, our little kung fu queen chooses to share her tools, with the tools, is totally up to her. Oh, and by the way. . . the first countdown was just a test. The real countdown begins. . . now!" Chris began counting down from thirty, which caused Lindsay and Beth to panic again. "Do you think forever includes eternity?" "Why?" "Because if it does, then even if we get blown up and die. . . we'll still be BFF's!"

Twenty-five seconds.

Ugh! I don't have time for this.

I rushed over to the place where the escape door was supposed to be, where the contestants could go to the next challenge, and thought of how to get there without the tools. Courtney didn't seem to be believing Chris' 'seriousness'. "Ugh! What makes everyone think Chris is serious this time?!" ". . . That?" Duncan said, pointing over towards me.

At that point, I'd already opened the door for myself, which gave them the hint that's where you could leave. "Personally, I'm not gonna stay here and find out!" Leshawna said, walking over, and kneeling beside me, looking out of the door. "We can use the zip line to get out of here, but we need another structure of some kind for it to grab on to!" Harold thought, and I turned my head his way in surprise. "There's-! Are you-?! The building! Right there!"

"What are we waiting for?! Let's get out of here!" Beth exclaimed, but was stopped by Courtney. "Uh, not so fast. What do I hear for a ride to freedom?" She said, shaking the tools in her hands. "You gotta be kidding! You're willing to bargain with our lives?!" Leshawna asked in shock. "Um, duh? And the offers better be good. I've already got a PDA."

Immediately, everyone began proposing things they had that were important to them. "Well, how about my face brightener?! Papaya's really good at perking up an ashy complexion." "My prized action-figure Transistor Man, still in the box?!" "My French maid's outfit?!" Everyone looked at Beth in confusion. "What? I played a French maid in the school play." Everyone then sighed in relief at this news.

Unfortunately for Courtney, she didn't realize that I was able to steal the grappling hook out of her hand, without her realizing. "Sorry. None of these pathetic offers interest me." I signalled to everyone else that I had the hook, and for them to keep leading her on for a small bit. Surprisingly, they all complied. 

"What do you want, woman!? Time's running out, can't you see?!" Harold yelled, putting on a good act. "I share the prize money with you 50/50 if you win." Everyone, even me, was shocked to hear this. "WHAT?!"

/// Chris ///

"I knew there was a reason we picked Courtney! She's nasty! I LOVE nasty! Haha!"

/// End ///

Seeing as they only had ten seconds left, they widened their eyes in anger, and agreed. "Fine!" "Okay. . ." "Okay, we're in!" Everyone else hesitantly nodded. "Good decision!" Courtney proudly raised her hand, thinking that the grappling hook was in her hand. . . only to find that it wasn't. "What!? Where's it-" . . . It was in mine. I laughed at her, and fired it to the other building. "GRAPPLING HOOK!"

/// Lewis ///

"Oh my gosh, I've, like, always wanted to use a grappling hook! And I used it when I was playing a criminal's lackey! That's. . . awesome!"

/// End ///

I didn't have to carry everybody else like Courtney did, mainly because I went first. When, really, the rest of them all went at the same time. Courtney was using Harold's belt to keep 'em all up. They all hit the roof of the building with a grunt, and Courtney wasn't exactly the happiest about me stealing her grappling hook. 

"That prize was mine! You're a thief!" She yelled, although she didn't notice that the fuse on the pile of bombs at the bottom of the tower was almost out. "GET READY FOR THE FIREWORKS!" Harold exclaimed, covering his ears. I turned my head towards the building, eagerly waiting for the explosion.

. . .

. . .

. . .

"Aw, what?" I said despairingly, my shoulders falling. "Ooh, another false alarm!? That boy is just downright mean!" Leshawna said. "As if we have the budget to blow up an entire building. I was just playing with ya. . . again. Because. . . I can." Chris said, resting on a covered object. Beth nervously responded to Chris. "I nearly peed my pants!" Harold looked down at his. "Right. . . heh heh. . . nearly."

"Okay, kiddies. Time for your super spook next challenge." He ripped off the sheet to reveal. . . 

. . . More bombs?

"In front of you, you'll see seven bombs." You will have to deactivate the bombs with only the tools you got from the last challenge. The wire cutters. Oh, wait. . . wasn't Courtney the only one who got the wire cutters? Haha! Ha. . . Well, I guess everybody else will just have to find their own way of cutting wires. Sucks to be you! Any questions?" Chris explained, before asking the final part.

Harold raised his hand. "Where can I get the bomb schematics?" Beth raised her hand. "Do bombs come with instructions?" Lindsay raised her hand. "Am I wearing the right kind of bomb-deactivating clothing? And, if not, where can I get the proper outfit, preferably in cotton candy, because that colour is so right with my hair?" 

I also raised my hand. 

"Will these actually explode, and not do a fake-out?" Strangely, my question was the only one that was actually answered. "Yep, they will actually explode. And they are filled with the most stinky, noxious substances known to mankind. Yeah, that's right. We're talking major stink bombs." Harold raised his brow. "You mean worse than Owen's farts?" "Yes. . . Yes, it is. Yo, Chef!"

Chef came up to the roof on a construction lift, and seemed pretty ticked off. "Why can't you handle this? I'm busy!" He flipped a switch on one of the bombs, which set the timers on all of them off. For once, surprisingly, I could actually leave. Like, WITH Chris and Chef. I haven't done that, like, in ages!

"Good luck. 'Cause, this time. . . you're really gonna need it."

*

[3rd Person P.O.V.]

*

Everyone rushed up to a different barrel, and Lindsay seemed to admire hers. "Look at all those different-coloured wires! Ooh! That one matches my toenails. That one matches my eyes, and- ooh! That one matches my hair!" Duncan frowned, before turning to Harold. "Shouldn't an uber geek like YOU know which wire to cut?" "Shouldn't an uber delinquent like YOU know how to defuse a stink bomb!?" Harold argued back.

Leshawna put a hand to her head. "Oh, yeah. This alliance is workin' gangbusters." Courtney took out her PDA, and snapped a photo of the barrel. "I'll email this pic to my lawyers. Those sharks'll have a bomb expert back to me within seconds!" She said confidently, while Justin tapped his head nervously.

Courtney turned out to be not-so confident, as she looked at her PDA in shock. "Out of office reply!? Nobody sends Courtney an out of office reply! Especially not when I'm paying them 20% of my settlement!" Justin spoke to his brain again, trying to give it a pep-talk. "Okay, brain, now's the time to bring it! Eeny, meeny, miney, moe! Or, wait-! Is it eeny, miney, meeny, moe?! Brain, don't be messing with me now!"

Lindsay happily cheered. "It's the blue one!" "How do you know?!" Beth asked Lindsay in concern. Lindsay responded, with somewhat good reasoning. "Of all the colours, it's the most fashion-forward." Beth instantly raised her voice. "Hey, everybody! Lindsay's cutting the blue wire!" Courtney turned in their direction, nervously speaking. "Great. Let us know how that works out for you. . ."

Beth still wasn't finished. "Can Lindsay borrow the wire cutters?" Courtney took them out of her pocket, and worriedly turned between both Beth and the cutters. "Hurry!" Beth pleaded.

A/N:

this part is really long where courtney literally doesn't say anything for like 30 seconds.

no, i'm not joking. it's literally the beeping of the bomb, beth pleading every 15 seconds, and courtney not saying a word.

super awkward. . . 

let's just skip that part, 'kay?

"What more do you want?! Besides, if the bomb goes off, we'll all be stinked, including you!" Beth argued, now impatient from how much time Courtney had already wasted literally staring at the wire cutters and not saying a thing. . . "Um. . . you make a good point!" Courtney hesitated, before throwing Lindsay the cutters.

Lindsay caught them, and took the blue wire in her hand. Safe to say, she was incredibly nervous to cut the wire. Despite this, she did it anyway. Not a second later, the timer stopped. Beth, in reaction to this, happily cheered. "She did it! My BFF did it! I'm sorry I ever doubted you!" She happily hugged Lindsay, and Lindsay hugged back.

Harold stood up from behind his barrel, and cheered, too. "Whoo-hoo! Yeah!" Leshawna put a hand on her heart, with a heavy sigh of relief. "Heart, you can start pumpin' again." Duncan burst into the conversation. "Save the celebration! We still have six more barrels, and only fifty-three more seconds!" Leshawna gasped, and raised her voice. "The blue wire! Cut the blue wire!"

Everyone instantly went at their wire, with Harold chewing his apart, Duncan ripping his in half, Beth using her glasses to burn it, Justin replicating this with his mirror, Leshawna tearing hers in half also, and Courtney using the wire cutters with hers. They all announced 'done' when their wire had snapped in half.

Harold happily cheered. "We did it!" Lindsay clasped her hands together. "I'm so smartest!" Justin smiled, and looked up at his head. "Brain, this might be the start of a beautiful friendship." Leshawna raised a brow, and listened in closer to her surroundings. "Hold up. If we cut the wires, then why am I still hearing ticking?"

Beth looked down at her bomb, before placing her hands on her head. "THIS CAN'T BE!" Justin instantly frowned, and looked up once again. "Brain, we are so over!" Courtney shrieked, before all six remaining bombs exploded.

*

[Lewis' P.O.V.]

*

Chris says to try this thing called coffee. Apparently, it's, like, really-

An explosion drew my attention away from me drinking my coffee. I raised a brow and turned my head, before realizing it was just the bombs in the distance. "What? Obviously, we're not gonna wire each bomb exactly the same way! That would be way too easy for our production crew, and no fun for me!"

. . . Anyway. . .

. . . Oh my God.

This is, like-  This is the best thing I've ever tasted in my life! I-I've gotta have more of this stuff. What is this, anyway? Black coffee? Dude, I can't get enough of this stuff.

*

All the contestants but Courtney were in this tomato soup bath, 'cause, according to Lindsay, it was. . . "The Vitamin C in the tomatoes boosts collagen, improves skin texture, firmness, and tone." Justin emerged from the bath, completely covered in it. "Ah, with this hideous facial deformity, I'll need all the help I can get, sister!"

"Glad you like it, 'cause it's also dinner." Chef chucked in a few paper straws as well. Leshawna was absolutely disgusted to hear this, but was distracted by Courtney clearing her throat. "Excuse me! Don't I get a de-stinking bath, too?" She asked, but Leshawna was not having any of it. "You'll get the juice when you nix the 50/50 split!" "Ha! Not on your life. You wish. . ."

Leshawna shrugged, unbothered. "Okay, then. Have a nice life with everyone shunning you." Courtney was a little more convinced by that. Well, maybe a lot more convinced, 'cause she accepted the deal almost instantly. "Fine! Deal's off." She got into the tank full of tomato soup, but she wasn't very happy.

Chris came up, and he seemed pretty enthusiastic, for some reason. "Is everybody having fun yet? Courtney and Lindsay, as the winners of the first and second challenges, you get the reward. An all-expense paid trip to. . ." Courtney interrupted Chris before he could finish. "Paris? New York? London?" Lindsay decided to question this, too. "The mall?" Everybody gave her a questioning look, to which she had to explain. "What? It's the place where magical dreams come true!"

"Nice try, but no. It's an all-expense paid trip to. . . a local cheese factory!" Lindsay was the only one excited about this. "While on tour, you'll get to sample all of the cheeses of the world. From blue cheese, to green cheese, to head cheese, which isn't technically a cheese, but reeks just the same." 

Lindsay excitedly turned to Courtney. "Isn't it great, Courtney?! We get to cut the cheese together!" Courtney frowned. "One. I'm lactose-intolerant. Two. I don't like you! And, three. I can't reach my lawyers so they can get me out of this!" Harold thought for a second, before speaking up. "Hey, Chris? How long do we have to soak until the stink wears off?" "Oh, I'd say another. . . twelve hours should do!"

Chapter Text

I dunno why Duncan INSISTED on taking the boys out to Craft Services for a late night snack after the announcement of the merge. I wasn't even hungry. Well, I actually figured it out when we were leaving. 

"Hey, Harold! What's that in your pocket?" Duncan questioned, pointing at the bulge in Harold's pocket. "Huh? Oh, that's probably my. . ." Harold felt his pocket, and realized that a burrito was stuffed in there. "Aw, burrito! Sick! Quit picking on me!" He argued, but Duncan didn't mind. "C'mon, I wasn't picking on you. I was picking you up something for later. A healthy diet is critical for a growing wimp."

He noticed that Harold was glaring at him, which he didn't appreciate. "You makin' eyes at me, muchacho?" He shoved Harold forward, and smudged the sauce already leaking out of his pocket. "Oh, come ON!" Harold groaned, storming off. I glanced at Justin in uncertainty, and he returned the look, before speaking up. "Cut it out, you guys. We need to start sticking together." I nodded in agreement, but didn't speak up.

"Haha! Kinda like Harold's butt cheeks!" Duncan remarked, before unnecessarily explaining his joke. "You know, with the beans, and the sticking?" Neither Justin or I laughed. "Dude, there are four girls, and only three of us. Well, four if you count Lewis, but he's not playing for the money. We're outnumbered! With Courtney back, it won't be long before they figure it out." Justin explained. "If they haven't already. The girls are pretty sharp." Harold said, before sucking some hot sauce from the burrito off of his finger. 

"Whatever. We should probably be getting ready to head back to the trailers for some rest anyway. You know how Chris is with loiterers." I explained, shrugging off their current situation. "No, he doesn't care. You mean, 'you know how CHEF is with loiterers. With Chris, the more time we spend awake, the more drama he can get outta us." Duncan said, crossing his arms at me. "Hm. . . fair point."

*

We were literally brushing our teeth in the bathrooms. Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you. I had no idea there were bathrooms for both genders here. I was under the impression that the communal bathrooms were the ONLY bathrooms.

. . . Okay, that's not really important. Just. . . ignore what I said.

"I'm tellin' you, if we don't boot one of 'em, it'll be one of us, next?" Justin explained, while brushing his teeth. While Duncan spat his toothpaste residue onto the floor, really disgustingly, I spat mine into the sink, like a civilised human being. "I hear ya. Chicks are cutthroat!"

"The views of the contestants on Total Drama Action do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this network and / or this parent company. They may, but not necessarily!"

"Hey, tone it down! Girls aren't all bad! They're just. . . complicated. I mean, I would know. I used to be one." I complained, turning to face the other boys. "Just 'cause you used to be a girl doesn't mean you get girls, man." Duncan responded. "Hm. I think I would. After all, I sure know enough to be accused of sucking face with Heather." 

Everybody seemed shocked to hear it. It was actual silence, and I felt the need to explain. "What? It's on my 'number one' fan's blog. She somehow got footage of me telling Heather a joke. You guys know she won't stop stalking us for new content, right?" I questioned, placing a hand on my hip. "Now- see, that's what I'm talking about! Girls are absolutely crazy!" Justin responded, signalling over to me.

*

We'd all made our way back over to the trailers, and we were all in bed at this point. "So. . . what do you want to do?" Duncan asked, uncertain about the ways to fix their problem. "About the girls? We need a plan." Justin said, weirdly relaxed about everything. "Since when did you start thinking so much?" Duncan then joked, pointing over to Justin. 

"A near-death experience can change a man, Duncan." In that moment, all three of them looked over at me for confirmation. "Uh. . . ? Oh, right-! Um, yes. Yes, it can." I nervously responded, laughing with an undertone of awkwardness. "See? Once you've lost everything, there's nothing left to lose. Except. . ." Justin continued. "The million dollars." All three of them finished off, and I was the only one that didn't say anything.

"Well, I'd actually like to have a good night's rest for tomorrow's challenge, and that will require you three to stop talking." I commented, before turning over in my bed so that I was facing the wall. "Okay, whatever you'd like, Prince McLean." Duncan joked, although I didn't find it funny. So, naturally, I threw a spare pillow directly into his face.

*

"I seriously can't. . . just. . . what?" I spoke, trying to process whatever the hell the interns were trying to do with Chef. They were, like, tying him up while he was wearing a dress. "It's for the hero flick. D.I.D, remember?" One of the interns answered me, raising a hand so that his palm was visible.

(D.I.D, in this case, stands for Damsel In Distress)

"No, I get that, but. . . just. . . like, why?" I still didn't see the point of making CHEF the damsel in distress. Aren't kids, like, also big contenders for victims in hero movies? Like, I know this isn't a hero movie, but in Rush Hour, wasn't the kid, like, the main victim?

. . . Wait, would I have to wear a dress?

Hm. . . yeah, I'll just leave Chef to do it.

"Whatever. I'm waiting down, en la calle. See ya." I walked to the exit of the building's roof, and instantly began heading down the stairs so I could get on ground level. For some reason, I don't exactly remember this building being so. . . run-down. I mean, the buzzing of the lights was pretty loud, and the floor wasn't exactly what I would call 'well-kept'.

. . . Oh, I'm totally gonna get jumped, like, right now.

"Lewiiiiiss. . . !"

Yup. I'm pretty much fucked.

I stopped walking, and turned my head to wherever that weird voice came from. There was literally nothing in the building but me. I think. But just as I started to walk again, that same voice said that same thing. "Lewis. . . !" I furrowed my brows, already annoyed by the whole thing.

"Listen, Chris, if you're trying to freak me out, it's not working. It's just getting annoying." I spoke aloud, hoping to get rid of whatever he was trying to pull. But, the moment I turned my head in the opposite direction, well, uh. . .

Some creepy girl was standing there. "Aw, I knew you'd say that!" It shocked me, to say the least. I. . . did get scared, in full honesty. Not to the point of stumbling over, but enough to make me flinch. "Jesus-! What the hell?! Do you KNOW what 'making your presence known' means?!" I raised my voice at this weird girl, and she didn't seem fazed by my sudden anger at all. "Lewi-kins! You're so adorable when you're angry! You look like a cute little baby bear!" She commented, which only got me more frustrated. 

"S-Shut up! Who the hell are you, and why the hell were you creeping up on me like that?!" She didn't get insulted, or upset, or anything. It's like she wasn't even listening. . . "See, I knew this might happen, what with all these injuries you keep having! I keep texting Chris to keep a close eye on you, but I've had to buy, like, three new phones, because he keeps blocking my number!" My face, I could only describe, scrunched up in some form of discomfort.

"So, that's why. . . I've combined all the photos we've took together into a journal! That way, you'll never forget me again!" She forcibly shoved a notebook into my hands, and when I gazed down at it. . . it was a complete and utter mess. I furrowed my brows as I looked up at her, in absolute disbelief that this was happening right now. "Who even are you!?" I asked again, only to get the same answer. "You'll remember! Just look through the journal in your spare time!" 

I processed what was in the journal after a skim, and it was literally all photos of her getting close to me when I was asleep, or photos she took from a distance. Some were literally from this week. . . "Okay. I'm outta here." I said, dropping the journal onto a nearby table. 

Even though I did that, she wouldn't stop following me. I was honestly forced to tune her out, because of how much she was babbling on. She just. wouldn't. STOP. When I'd actually made it out of the building, I was lucky to see that Chris was hanging around. So, obviously, I approached him about the problem. 

"Hey, uh, Dad? Get this freak-a-zoid away from me." I pointed to the purple-haired girl, quite frustrated at her behaviour and attitude. Chris looked like he'd seen her before, and was obviously not happy to see her again. "Sierra, get the hell off of my property! You're breaking your restraining order! Want me to tell Blaineley and Josh about that?" Chris threatened, taking out his phone. Instantly, this. . . uh, 'Sierra' girl stopped. "NO! Please don't! I'll lose my job! How else will I have media connections to this heaven?!"

I gazed around, and realized she was talking about the show. "I don't want to see you on any of these film sets anymore! Shoo!" To my surprise, Chris did not hesitate in treating her like an animal. And. . . Sierra, strangely, was acting like a dog when it's been told off. I raised a brow as I watched her scurry off, like, on all fours, before sighing in relief.

Fan girls are crazy, man. . . hm.

Wait a second. . . 

Why does she look familiar?

I came to a realization, and pulled out my phone, searching for the blog. When I'd gotten to the website, I'd realized. Sierra was my 'number one' fan. She'd accused me of sucking face with Heather, because she wanted us to 'be together forever'. . . but. . . she also 'ships' me and Cody? 

"Holy crap, this girl is bloody mental." I spoke aloud, scrolling through more of her posts, seeing I wasn't the only victim of her stalker-ish behaviour. 

*

Since that situation had been dealt with, the challenges for today could actually begin. The contestants had been dragged here after hearing a bunch of feminine screams. From. . . yup. That's right. Chef. "L-Let go of me!" Courtney complained, since Leshawna had her by the arm. "Oh, where are we?" Harold asked, which was followed up by another question, from Leshawna. "And. . . why is Chef in a nightie?" 

Chris had a rope tied around his waste, and he was dressed up like Batman. He jumped off of a roof of a building, so that he could swoop in, and take Chef in his arms, all bridal style, y'know how they do with actual ladies. Well, it was all going fine, until the bungee cord keeping them both up in the air snapped in half. Which. . . also sent them falling through the air. And, can I just mention how bad my placement was at that moment? 

THEY NEARLY LANDED ON ME.

Ahem. . .

Anyway, they both landed on top of each other, and Chris' hair got all messed up, which I just KNOW he's gonna get antsy about. Speaking of Chris, he stood up wearily, before deciding to yell at some interns. "I knew that bungee wouldn't hold! That's what happens when my ex on production cheaps out!" "Chris! Not in front of the kid." Chef muttered, but that didn't stop Chris from complaining. "Whatever! Now my hair's all messed up!"

Courtney was getting impatient with all the 'tomfoolery' as she called it. "Um, is anybody gonna tell us what the heck is going on in here?!" In an instant, Chris got up in her face, while also trying to fix his hair at every word. "When. . . I. . . Feel. . . Like. . . It!" He took a brief moment to pause. "And now. . . I feel like it. Today's challenges are inspired by the superhero flick."

Leshawna took a second to understand his words, before denying the offer completely. "TODAY'S challenges?! Nuh-uh! We just woke up! I haven't even brushed my teeth yet!" Beth continued from this. "Or had breakfast!" I turned my head to her, and responded. "Oh, I forgot you still existed. Sorry, you're forgettable." I muttered the last part. Duncan rolled his eyes, and began walking off. "I'm going back to bed."

Chris, though, prevented him from doing so. "Evil never sleeps, and neither will you! Besides, superheroes don't do the things of mere mortals! They have screaming ladies to rescue." Chef, for some reason, was acting rather lady-like. More than normal, if you'll believe me. He was batting his eyelashes at Chris and everything.

Harold, however, immediately killed the moment. "Uh, actually, many superheroes are mere mortals. Take Lewis for example." I turned to him, surprised. "Wait, what?" "But, my favourite is the Incredible Owl Man. He catches thieves just like mice! But come morning, he puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us." I narrowed my eyes at Harold in some disgust. Not because of the pants thing, but just because the way he was fantasizing over this guy. "Huh. Speak for yourself, boy." Chef said, before walking off, annoyed.

Chris got up in Harold's face this time. "How would you like it if Owl Man scratched your eyes out with his talons?!" He pushed Harold over onto the ground, before regaining his composure. "I didn't think so! Now, shut it! There are three things intrinsic to all good superhero movies. . . one. . . superheroes have superpowers. . . two. . . superheroes save people. . . and my personal favourite, three. . . superheroes wear tights. Which means you will all be wearing. . ." Chris paused to laugh at the whole concept. ". . . teensy-tiny tights!"

I chuckled at that, imagining it. Lindsay clapped, while everybody else complained. Chris, however, was focused on, yet another thing. He was really switching between subjects. "Why are you still in your PJ's?! Get dressed, and meet me back on set in superhero speed. Which means you should already be back here!" He laughed again, while everybody raced off. "And make sure to wear something that goes with brightly new spandex!"

*

/// Courtney ///

"I have had it with Leshawna! 'Aged cheddar chick'?! If I were a cheese, I would be caciocavallo podolico! A rare cheese from Italy! . . . Or Lancashire, not aged cheddar!"

/// End ///

Everybody was back, and they were in their normal clothes again. "For your first challenge, each of you will create your own superhero identity." Harold was enthusiastic, to say the least. "Alright!" "You'll make your own superhero costumes, using nothing but your fertile imaginations, and tons of spandex!" Chris signalled to the trash cans full of rolls of nothing but spandex.

Also, a dump truck came and just emptied, like, a hoard full of junk onto the street, before driving away. ". . . And some other junk. You'll be judged on originality and style of costume, how rocking your superpower is, and how cool your superhero name is. Top score wins an advantage in the next round. Chef will, of course, play the super villain. Which, let's face it, won't be much of a stretch. Meet Pythonicus, and his sidekick, Kitty Dander Boy."

"Wait, is that a real-" "They will sabotage you at every turn. Got any questions?" Every contestant had a question. However, of course, they were all ignored. "No? Perfect. And. . . action!" Lindsay and Courtney immediately started arguing over a colour of fabric. "That one's mine!" "I've got it!" I'm pretty sure there were, like, five copies of each colour though.

/// Lindsay ///

"Forget superpowers, Courtney's on a super power trip!"

/// End ///

In the end, Courtney got the fabric, and pushed Lindsay over. I rolled my eyes at them, before noticing that the same girl from this morning was, like, hiding in an alley way, and was doing nothing but watching us. I mean, I tried to ignore her, but I was finding it increasingly hard, what, with the entire fact I feel like I've seen her before.

And I feel like she's. . . touched me before.

If she doesn't stop staring at me, then. . . uh, I. . . I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I mean, Chris' already put a restraining order on her, and that sure hasn't done anything. What am I gonna do?

We were all sorta just sitting at this judging table, waiting for everybody to get ready for this whole 'costume' thing. I turned my head to the right and saw that that freak was still hiding in the alley, and it made things so much harder to focus on. I turned back to the stage, feeling insecure about my safety.

"Now wearing a superhero costume of her own design, our first supermodel!" The curtains opened, and it was literally just Beth wearing pieces of wood tied to random parts of her body. Somehow, the cat knew how to switch off the radio. I didn't want to question it. Chris sighed in disappointment, and spoke up. "State your name and superpower." Beth seemed just as unsure as I did. "Lumber Woman. . . ?" "You're a superhero! Act like it!"

Out of nowhere, she just gained a hell of a lot of confidence. "I am Lumber Woman! And I can talk to plants!" I raised a brow, but didn't say anything. Instead, Chris did. "Are you serious? What do you talk about, the best brand of fertilizer? That's worth a whole three points. . ." Justin came up, and he was dressed exactly like Beth was. I rested my head on my palm, uninterested. "I guess not-so great minds think alike."

"I am Timber Man!" Justin found this act funny. It was not funny. "And my superpower is. . ." He didn't even tell us, he just threw wood chips in our direction. "Seriously? Wood chips?" Chris questioned, already bored. "Oh, and I can float! And make fire! As long as I've got matches, and I don't get too close to the flame. Ouch. . ." ". . . This is so lame! Two points. Next!"

I genuinely cannot focus.

She's aiming her phone right at me. . .

Okay, screw the theme song.

I don't wanna be famous, if people like her are around.