Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As precisely as he always does it before he calls it a night, Itachi approached the bed where Sakura is laid.

“I miss your voice...especially when you sing to me exclusively...I even wonder what could possibly be if the palace invited you to do a song performance during grand banquets...it’s my fault. I’m too selfish. I just want you to sing for me. In fact, I don’t want anyone else to catch a sound of your...sweet voice. And I pay the price...not even in my dreams I can hear you speaking no matter how hard I try to read the movement of your lips.”

“I remember when we were kids, we’ll use those message transmitters secretly because they are forbidden to be used by non-magicians. And...your parents were blacklisted by the tower...We almost got caught because of Sasuke, right? Though that turned out for better since we started meeting in the greenhouse to learn how to communicate through telepathy. I...also always used that as an excuse when all I wanted was to see you every day...”

“Don’t you know how much it pained me when you wished for me to stay the same while your life changed in a day by a schemed tragedy? While you yourself stayed the same...as if...life was still good to you...The Haruno family has fallen after Aunt Mebuki and Uncle Kizashi were murdered...and they almost did not spare you, Sakura. Not only that they took away your family’s title and assets, but...they also demoted you as a...slave. And our engagement was called off. You know, I never wanted to cancel it. They know. They’re aware that what we feel is not plain puppy love at a tender age. But my Mother and Father were...threatened. The tower and the church warned them. It was the Uchiha’s reputation at stake. If it weren’t for Sasuke’s unabating nagging by refusing to eat and locking himself in his room, they wouldn’t dare take you in as a house servant and be under our wing. I’m...I’m truly sorry...that was all that we could do for you...yet, you never harbored anything against us.”

“Especially against me. I was powerless. How I hated that it all happened when I was just thirteen. I had nothing under my sleeves and within my sword against those people who conspired against your parents...But you still chose to stay with me as you...not as a maid, but the flower that brings light into my eyes. Even when I entered the academy, you were there with me...”

“If only you knew that I’m only myself when I’m with you...not the once in a lifetime prodigy of the kingdom, not the youngest sword master in the continent, not the best candidate to be the next emperor...just the teenager who wanted to sleep after class hours and harsh training, the knight who desired to protect you as an elite soldier , and...your ex-fiancé who was desperate to get everything I need so we can be officially together again as soon as possible...”

“I miss everything about us, Sakura. The way you would hold my cheeks when I’m hiding a cut on my face from sword practicing...and when you will lightly play your fingers on my cheeks to make my sour mood dissipate...as if they’re following a melody...”

“And that’s when I regret not being able to do all the things I wanted to do for you...to give you. To share with you. I couldn’t marry you. I couldn’t help you open a flower shop. I couldn’t make your family dream come true. I couldn’t...let you experience what couples can do....under normal circumstances. I kept reminding myself to refrain from giving you the world you deserve because it might put you in danger if the things I planned were not totally ready...and ironically, they waited for me long enough when all I did was to delay...it’s only when I’m all prepared that those chances vanished...”

“Not within my hands, but in front of my eyes...I can do them now, Sakura...now that you can’t receive them...I...I wish to see you happily taking all the worth of my love and your sacrifice...even in a dream, Sakura...please...give me the chance to see how you’ll be if life was just one happiness kinder to you...if only I was one pinch fearless like Sasuke.”

“I owe you my whole life. You’ve been the one to always find me ever since we’re young...whenever Sasuke and I couldn’t return from the mysterious forest...when I missed the directions in the castle’s maze as a first-timer in the royal banquet...when my seniors lied about where the sword tournament was...and I was so sure that after I made the worst mistake of marrying Izumi when I became the emperor, just for the sake of diplomacy, I...lost you.”

Itachi’s appearing tear did not trickle.

“But you have so many wonders which I never found before anyone else... and even when I...punished you despite being totally aware that you’re not the culprit of the first coup d’état attempt to my throne...you lingered in me, Sakura. Your memories in me found ways to...make me feel that you’ll always find me...especially at that time...I was already meeting death after the successful dethronement of my very own...political in-laws...it was Izumi and her family all along...if it weren’t for you saving me from my devastated state – you being undaunted by being caught in the enemy’s lair and the kingdom that has forsaken you when all you did was to serve it – then I wouldn’t be alive. I...wouldn’t be able to cleanse the dirty affairs of the state and recover my seat.”

“While you’re treating my stabbed wounds and deep scars, I was surprised that the twins kept in touch with you without Izumi’s knowledge. However...I wasn’t too surprised to know that they got closer to you more than her in spite of your banishment from the kingdom...you know what’s deeper than my body injuries at that time? That I never realized that my sons are...your sons too.”

His brows twitched.

“That Izumi has been fooling me. That I didn’t listen to Sasuke when he revealed about how he recreated that life magic by switching Izumi’s blood with yours. That...you lived half of your years as a servant for me...and for our sons...that you never got to hear them call you mother...that you had to witness every single day for Izumi to trick everyone out of safety for them...that you had to hide despite every single reason to show the truth. That just like your parents...you were framed up. It wasn’t you who put poison in every tea you served me...it was her. The empress...the wife I never consummated my marriage with...And I wasn’t wise enough to trust you more than the concocted evidence they exposed...I...didn’t trust you equally...everything I knew about you became nothing after Izumi entered the picture...”

“As I recovered my strength, I was uncertain of my next course of action. Should I apologize to you first? Won’t it be too late for me to fix what I awfully broke in tears and blood? Should I ask you the questions that have been disturbing me ever since I put the woman I love most into exile, far from my reach? With those years that you’re gone, did you hate me? Did you regret staying with me? Did you forget that I genuinely love you? Did someone love you? Did you love someone? Did you throw away what we have? Did you...stop believing in...happy endings?”

His wry smile pounded his self-respect harder.

“I’m prepared to repent by receiving anything that is from you. Be it resentment or curse...whether you use dark magic or slowly kill me...a death sentence from you is what I deserve. You like sweet things, but you can go bitter on me. I won’t mind.”

“...And still, you’re the one who kept giving me the things you yourself need. Promising me that I’ll fully regain my vigor. Promising me that I’ll be the triumph in the end because the people need a ruler like me. Promising me that the twins will remain unharmed during and after the war over the throne. Promising me that as long as I’m the emperor, the kingdom will prosper and be at peace.”

Those slender fingers of his tenderly brushed her hair strands.

“Promising me that I can live as long as I want when all these promises from you mean nothing if it’s a life without you...between you and me, you need more promises than I do...I just...I just need you back, Sakura...”

Two fervent blacks were waiting for her pair of gentle greens.

“You’ve always had your eyes on me, with or without me knowing it...I’m the one who swore to protect you, but you end up protecting me instead...and it’s not only me that you’re shouldering on your humble back...that you’re enclosing in your clement hands...Sasuke...our sons...the whole kingdom...even when the world has looked away from you, you never failed to love the simple sight of it...but this time, it’s the world that looks at you...adoring how dove-like a cherry blossom can bloom into...”

He held one of her hands with utmost carefulness.

“When I was crowned the emperor again, the very first person I searched in the crowd was you. And it was a rare moment for me to catch a glimpse of you without looking at me. I felt like I won in our silent game.”

“...So how did it happen that just when I’m winning this game, you died without a word to the wise...? This game...this whole game called life, it ended with your death...which happened right there during my coronation. You...you didn’t even allow me to catch you when you collapsed. Until your last moment, I wasn’t there for you. Not because you never allowed me – in fact, you gave me a plenty of every days to make up my heart – but my wretched mind barely grabbed one opportunity.”

A tear finally escaped itself from imprisonment in his eye.

“I chose your birthday to hold a celebration, but you left me on the exact same day that you entered this world.”

Another teardrop fell from his eye to her face.

“I’m...really, really sorry for killing you softly, Sakura...”

“I shouldn’t have been my family’s puppet...I shouldn’t have been the emperor...If my worst mistake is being trapped in a political marriage with Izumi, then your worst mistake is...meeting me...”

Itachi used his thumb to clean the portions of her young face where his tears flowed. Compared to his appearance that time and great despair had consumed, Sakura still looked youthful like a maiden in her springtime – though he himself did not age in looks fast because of the life force that she instilled in him.

She was being preserved by magic.

He was being preserved by the life she took away from her own.

“Father / Dad,” two synchronous voices called him.

He acknowledged them, yet he was not tearing his gaze from the most loving wife he could have had. “Yes?”

“It’s your birthday,” the two was in sync again.

He looked at them with a sorrowful smile and did not slip out any word. Another year of mourning for living and being alive. For surviving when more people deserved more to continue walking on that world.

Itachi only lived for their twins. Not for the kingdom because the day after his beloved flower withered, he retracted whatever regality was connected to him. Together with young Fukuro and Akitsu and the magically safeguarded body of Sakura, they settled down where she used to reside after being expelled from the palace.

In the mysterious forest where Itachi always lost his way.

Their sons had grown into fine young bachelors whom Itachi would never involve in the bleak world of politics. Good for him because they were born to be magically inclined, inheriting such tremendous magic aptitude from the Harunos, and probably partially influenced by Sasuke as the head of the magic tower.

“I’m sorry for being born. I’m sorry for being your parent.”

The older one started lecturing him, “Please don’t say that, Father. If mother hears you, she’ll be downhearted.”

“Besides, we got a gift for you that will make your birthday happy,” the younger one ended.

Itachi’s face relaxed until it turned regretful once more. “You two know that what makes me happy is your mother, though it is I who made her sad—”

“Happy smiles from me to you, Itachi!”

Ah...

It was Sakura’s voice and smiling image from a magic crystal that Fukuro was holding, reflecting a record self of hers. A captured memory.

You see these seaweeds? I’ll use them to make rice balls with a flavor! It’s also a good time to harvest my cabbages at the yard. Seems like today is Itachi’s feast day haha! I’ll try to see if I can make a dango for an afternoon snack.

Before another music from her revived Itachi’s soul, Akitsu covered the crystal with his palm. “We found this a week ago when we’re harvesting our crops, and...we’re surprised that Mom has a huge stack of these magic crystals scattered underground.”

“When we checked what we could, they all contain...her memories and self-recordings. It resembles a diary, only that it’s recorded.”

“And they are for you, Dad. It’s always about you.”

Fukuro’s eyes glistened. “Mother has done this every day after she settled down here.”

“It’s unfair...,” Akitsu interfered. “She talked to us every day, but she never mentioned these...” He looked at the older version of him and his twin. “Mom loves you a lot, Dad! So please...please don’t regret being born...don’t hate the life she gave you...”

“We already lost a mother, but we can always find her here.” The older son placed his free hand on his chest. “That’s what she taught us – that we mustn’t be unhappy just because someone dear to us is gone. It will be an insult to some...,” he gulped to recover his rhythm, “...someone who wishes nothing but happiness for us.”

Itachi imitated him and using his hand that held Sakura’s, he squeezed her palm against his chest. “Your life is my heart, Sakura.”

“Mom is not asking you to live for her nor for us, Dad. She just wants you to find happiness again in any form possible. Even if Fukuro and I can’t guarantee you happiness...,” his voice faltered, “...with our existence.”

As soon as he saw both of their sons crying despite trying to mask the pain from their voices that engulfed the room with thorns, Itachi knew that he also hurt them in the process. It hurt them that he was pained with her loss when there were two living beings trying their best to convince him that life would not stop for him even if it has stopped him from having the will to live.

When Sakura single-handedly rescued him from death, she gave him the remaining half of her life force, which only full-blooded magicians can do like her family. In this way, he would live.

At the cost of her deteriorating life.

Because she utilized the first half of it to endow their twins safety and protection from any external danger from both animate and inanimate beings.

Thus, when she exceeded her limit due to the absence of what made her and her magic reservoir exist, her body had no choice but to shut down.

He closed his eyes and pressed her palm against his cheek. “If you’re here, you’ll give me an earful while you’re touching my cheek, won’t you?” He directed his sorry gaze at the twins.

“You two are my last sources of sunshine.”

Both the twins approached him and gave that one crystal they are manifesting earlier. “Happy birthday, Father / Dad.”

Itachi finally smiled with a calm heart. “Thank you very much, Fukuro and Akitsu.”

“Will you sleep here, Father?”

“I will.”

“Then, we’ll go back to our rooms now.”

“You can watch one magic crystal a day, Dad. There’s too many of them in our special storage room. We almost asked Uncle Sasuke to store them in his office.”

“I can’t wait to see her again, much more to listen to her. I’ll certainly watch each of them even if I don’t sleep–”

“This is why Mom is thankful that you only have marks on your face but not eye bags...”

Itachi extended his arm to pat their heads. “Good night.”

Fukuro gave him a once in a blue moon upward curve of lips. “Father, this will be last night that you’ll feel worst. I hope...you’ll take all the chances to make more best nights.”

Akitsu did the same. “Dad...we love you...and we know that you love us too...no matter what happens, Fukuro and I will always be your children...”

Unsure of the sudden out of character demeanors of the twins, Itachi poked their foreheads with his signature tap. Not just once but many times, alternatively.

“You’ll be our children next time and the following ones after next. Keep that in mind. That you’re always kept in my heart even if...it’s not obvious. Being oblivious runs in the Uchiha blood.”

Both of the young ones were eighteen years old, but their giggles reminded Itachi that just like their mother, they would remain kids at heart.

When they left their father, Akitsu tugged his brother’s sleeves.

“There’s no turning back in our decision.”

Fukuro shot him an encouraging smile. “If we turned back, there’s no next time.”

“And we’ll never see Dad like...how he was.”

“I think...I know now why Mother gave birth to us as twins.”

The younger one glanced at him curiously as he bit his thumb and let his blood drip on the floor.

“Because one magician can’t dare do this spell alone.”

Akitsu threw a silly smile before continuing drawing a pattern on the floor.

“And just like how Mom loves Dad...our love for him is doubled, no?”

The older of them inhaled sharply, preparing himself mentally of the great risk that they were venturing. He just finished shedding his own fair share of blood for the forbidden spell.

One full life force for regressing the time in the same world.

Another whole of it for keeping possession of someone’s previous life’s memories.

Sasuke would never forgive them. That is, if he would even have the time to know what they did. If he reformulated a life-giving spell, they would be messing up the world’s timeline.

“I wish Uncle Sasuke made ways so we’re triplets,” Fukuro remarked dryly.

“The last thing you’ll do before you vanish is to crack a lame joke?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding? I thought Uncle Sasuke was the best wizard in the kingdom, but he’s a slow tactician like Father.” He snorted. “Uchihas.”

“We’re Uchihas too, mind you.”

“Uchihas in name, Haruno at heart.”

“Well, if you’ll ask for a wish, then wish for more extravagant, like how I wish Mom and Dad just did the deed—”

“You inherited Father’s stupidity.”

“Hey! We just both inherited Dad’s overall genes from head to toe!”

Fukuro stared seriously at him while the ground began to emit light.

“Akitsu.”

“Hn?”

“I’m very thankful that you’re my brother.”

The one being addressed loosened his lips into a smile. “Me too.”

“I don’t mind being the younger twin in our next life.”

“If I’m older than you, I’ll really persuade Mom and Dad to have at least three children.”

The current older twin punched his replica’s upper arm. “Good luck urging two reserved persons. One who is good in hiding, and one who is slow in showing.”

“Brother?”

“Hn?”

Akitsu was in an all-out teethy grin while impersonating their mother’s signature word.

“Sharuno!”

Fukuro laughed heartily. “You really are my witless younger brother.”

“You’re just one brain cell ahead of me. Besides, aren’t you copying Dad’s way of saying...,” he cleared his throat and mimicked Itachi’s sonorous tone. “My foolish little brother.”

As the illumination of the spell gradually wrapped their whole room, Fukuro stretched his arm and squished Akitsu against his side.

“We’re twins, so we’re both out of our minds. But even so...we’ll never run out of our hearts.” He took his final glance at his twin younger by just a few minutes. “For Father and Mother.”

Akitsu fought hard to withdraw his tears and nodded at him while also holding Fukuro by the shoulder. “For Dad and Mom.”

After the twins returned to their own rooms, Itachi was able to finish watching the recorded moment in the magic crystal. His sleepiness calling him to rest already, he cautiously situated himself beside where Sakura was laying down, having one of his arms embracing her.

“Thank you very much, Sakura. Thank you very much for bringing those two boys in my life...If it’s not too much to ask, you appearing into my dream tonight can be a happy birthday greeting too.”

He kept saying things to her until his eyes were lulled to sleep.

And when he opened them, he awakened with a very young Sakura, around seven years old, holding his cheek.

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