Chapter Text
Several weeks later …
Her fingers trembled as she worried the threads of the quilt that covered her lap. She couldn’t bring herself to look up at them, at him. She shifted back slightly as her side began to faintly throb, allowing some of her weight to shift back into the many soft pillows that were supporting her back. She didn’t want to think of him, or her Adad for that matter. She was exasperated that they were wanting to discuss this with her …again.
She heard Thorin let out a long-suffering sigh. “I would like you to be a part of this decision. But we cannot keep putting this off M’eudail.”
She clenched her jaw together, her gaze instantly snapping up to meet his. “I don’t know why you’re bothering to include me now, especially when you chose to keep Valinn alive without my consent.”
Thorin crossed his arms over his chest and let his head fall back as he rolled his eyes. “This again.” He muttered as he rubbed a hand over his face. “I’ve already explained this to you. I was only focusing on you at that time. When he was brought back, he was barely alive, but alive none the less, I wasn’t going to play executioner on an injured, unarmed Dwarrow. Taking a life during a battle is one thing, but I am not going to murder him in cold blood when he has already lost.”
The humorless laugh that escaped her made her body ache more, but she couldn’t help it. “He’s murdered countless in cold blood. Dams and children, Thorin. I gave my blood to ensure his death, and now all of that has been for nothing. You don’t know him, how he works. You will regret that you didn’t finish him off when you had the chance.”
Thorin’s expression darkened at the reminder of her near-death experience. “Do you not think I am not reminded of the fact you nearly die-“
“I think that is enough on that topic.” Dis interrupted sharply as she stood from her seat facing Mistlynn’s bed. “It is obvious that neither of you are going to see eye-to-eye on this, so you will have to be willing to agree to disagree on the matter of our unwanted guest.” Thorin had brought her with him, knowing full well that a mediator was needed. He was beyond frustrated and at a loss as to how to meet a common ground with Mistlynn. She was stuck in that strange in between that occurred after a bloody battle, not quite healed physically or emotionally, but well enough where avoiding the reality of the aftermath was no longer an option.
She loathed this. She found herself wishing to go back to that in-between, where neither guilt nor pain could reach her.
“There is also the matter of your Adad’s burial…” Dis began, her gaze alternating from her to Thorin as she gauged their reactions to her words. “We cannot keep putting this off. Your people have lost much and the closure this would grant them to lay the fallen to rest…”
Mistlynn observed the way Thorin held himself, rigid and guarded as the muscle in his jaw ticked. His eyes were flashing with countless emotions as he continued to study her, as if trying to discern what her thoughts were.
He had more he wanted to say but Dis had taken control of the room. This had been a heated topic between them the past couple days, and she was nowhere near ready to deal with the carnage this battle with her brother had left behind in its wake. It was too much to take in and sort through.
Mistlynn grit her teeth as a frustrated hiss escaped her. “I agreed that a burial was needed.”
“Your Adad, Mist. You have refused us to bury him with the others.” Thorin sighed. “I told you he would receive the highest honors as late King to your people…”
“I don’t give a bloody damn about kingly honors owed to him!” She spat as she fisted the blanket on either side of her. “He is not to be buried here in Erebor. I cannot allow it. Burn him on a pyre for all I care, just not here. He doesn’t belong here.”
Dis threw a cautionary glance towards Thorin at the outburst, to see her brother looking at his wife shocked. After a moment he looked over at Dis, nodding his head towards the door, a wordless request for privacy. Dis cleared her throat as she nodded back in understanding. “I’ll go get us some tea.” She excused herself.
Mistlynn blinked rapidly at the onslaught of emotion that tingled through her veins as her heart raced in silent panic. She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed in deeply, ignoring how her side protested the movement. Her stiches had been removed days prior, and her skin was fully healed, but she could still feel where the blade had cut through her side to sever muscle and tissue. She pushed her hand under her tunic and placed it over the scar, still pink and raised against her palm.
She heard the door click shut as Dis excited the room, leaving her and Thorin alone.
She felt the bed dip beside her, the warmth of his presence soothing despite their ongoing argument that had her on edge. “This is the most I have gotten out of you in over a week M’eudail.” His voice was low and gentle as he placed a comforting hand on top of her other hand that was bracing her upright. “Why do you not want him buried here? This kingdom is just as much your home as it is mine, so I just assumed having him buried here would have brought you some peace.”
She let out a short breath before she opened her eyes, blinking rapidly as she searched for the right words to describe just an inkling of the turmoil that was raging through her. “He would not have wanted to be buried under stone. He would want to be reunited with my Amad in the ocean in the North.”
Thorin sighed as he shook his head. “Mist. I understand that and respect it but there is no way I can send someone that far North just to bury him…”
“Let me finish. Or I won’t speak another word of it.” Mistlynn bit out, interrupting Thorin’s exasperated reasoning. He pressed his lips into a thin line as he steeled herself under her reprimand, before he nodded for her to continue.
Mistlynn closed her eyes as she took a steadying breath. “I was going to say that despite his wishes I could care less about fulfilling them. He doesn’t have the right, even in death, to demand that respect from me. The burning pyre would be the next best thing. His ashes spread on the wind may release us both.”
Thorin couldn’t help but furrow his brows at her choice of wording. He waited patiently for her to look at him, and when she finally did open her eyes to meet his gaze, he found himself lost in the depths of anger and despair that resided there. He tilted his head, his sharp gaze softening before he nodded subtly. “Okay. I can do that.”
She breathed in relief at his words. She blinked rapidly as she appeared to bite the inside of her cheek, as if trying to figure out how to form the words she wanted to speak but something was holding her back. He felt his heart constrict at her inner turmoil; he was desperate to give her some sort of reprieve.
“I may not know or understand the relationship you had with your Adad. Mahal knows my relationship with mine was complex at best, but if you don’t allow yourself to process that loss, to grieve his passing, it will keep you from moving on.” He brought his hand to her face to trace her cheekbone gently with his thumb before cupping her face affectionately.
“I wasted so much time living in the past because I wouldn’t allow myself that process. You have to let him, and whatever happened between you in the past go.”
“I accepted long ago that we would never have a close relationship. He saw me as nothing more than a disappointment. He just didn’t realize until it was too late that Valinn was the one to ruin everything.”
Her resigned tone disturbed him. Her inner conflict was apparent. He cocked his head as he studied her crumbling façade of forced indifference. The shock of seeing Valo’s remains, his violent demise so cruelly thrown in her face had apparently transformed into something else entirely.
It was brittle and sharp, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to understand, for the fact alone that this mysterious childhood of hers would elicit nothing but outrage and unquenchable thirst for revenge on her behalf.
A quick knock sounded at the door, announcing Dis’s return with the tea. Thorin watched Mistlynn’s walls building back up rapidly, managing to give Dis a small yet grateful smile.
“I brought the tea and some biscuits fresh from the oven. Bombur made sure to include that cinnamon honey you are so fond of Mist.” Dis strode into the room, not minding in the least that she was the one bringing them refreshments on a silver tray. “I also found Balin along the way, he had a few things he wanted to discuss with both of you.”
“Hope ye don’t mind my intrusion.” Balin greeted from the doorway before he stepped inside the room and closed the door softly behind him. “If it wasn’t important I wouldn’t be taxing you at this time, my dear.”
Mistlynn cleared her throat. “Not at all, Master Balin. Your company is always welcome.”
“You look well.” Balin smiled fondly as he came to stand at the foot of the bed. “I am relieved to see you are healing. You gave us all quite the scare.”
Thorin stood from where he was sitting, rubbing a hand wearily across his brow as he slowly walked towards the fireplace behind Balin. He stared into the flames, still intently listening to the conversation around him. He knew what Balin was there for, and he dreaded it, especially with how he watched her wrestle with the matter of Valinn’s lucky recovery and how to handle the burial of her father. He couldn’t begin to wager how she would react to the topic of how to settle the misplaced people who now called her their Queen.
“Weeks have passed now.” Balin began, still looking at Mistlynn with fondness evident in his eyes. “A lot of the injured are healed and ready to be moved from the infirmary and reunited with their families. But there is a lot of suspicion and wariness, especially with Northern riders refusing to be separated from their wolves.” Balin took in a deep breath as he watched Mistlynn’s back straighten and tense, her hands once again clenching the blanket that covered her until her knuckles were white.
“King Bard is understanding of our … unique predicament, but the people of Dale are wary of your people residing in their tents outside of the gates. Now that Dain has escorted the rest of the Northern army here, the sheer number of wolves alone makes them nervous for their livestock. We have had no issues yet but …”
“They are not my people.” Mistlynn’s hushed words were edged with anger and pain, prompting Dis to stop preparing their tea while Balin looked over at Thorin.
Thorin turned back around to face her, crossing his arms as he braced himself for the intensity that was starting to make the room crackle with energy.
“I know this is hard, lassie. But they are your people. You defeated your brother in combat, and you are now their rightful Queen.”
Mistlynn shook her head aggressively. “No. My adad removed me from the line of succession, I was treated as nothing more than another common warrior subjected to the whims of my Adad and brother, I am not, nor do I want to be their Queen. They can wander the wilderness for all I care but I will not claim them as my people.”
“That is not how it works, Mist.” Thorin rumbled as a he took a step forward so that he was standing next to Balin, who was looking at Mistlynn in pity. He didn’t allow his gaze to wander, his eyes solely focused on her with a fierce steadiness, almost daring her to push back.
He wanted her to push back, that was better than the distant aloofness she had displayed the past week. As the reality of what happened settled in, she had started to withdraw from everyone, including him.
“That is how it will work.” Her eyes narrowed into slits. “I will not be associated with a kingdom made up only of deceit and lies.” She spat the words, her voice trembling with a rage he knew had been festering since her memories of all that she had lost came rushing back with an unyielding force. “They didn’t even try to support or protect me when I was my most vulnerable after my Amad’s passing. They cast me aside, so why shouldn't I return the favor?”
Dis gasped from her seat next to Mistlynn’s nightstand. “You don’t mean that, my dear, surely.” Dis reached for her hand in a comforting gesture. Mistlynn shook her head adamantly as she fought to keep her fingers from trembling. Dis pursed her lips and looked over at Balin and Thorin in concern.
“You were willing to give up your life to save your people.” Balin pressed gently. “You went against your husband and King’s orders and tried to defeat your brother before the battle even began. You told Thorin that your people were innocent and that it would not be a fair fight…”
“My main concern and priority was to protect Thorin, this family and our friends. Erebor as a whole was innocent! I did not want any more innocent blood to be spilled.”
“So, you would condemn your people for the actions of your Adad and your brother?” Thorin countered, his eyes flashing as he fought to keep his frustration with her at bay. “What of their women and children? Are they to be held accountable as well for their poor decisions?”
Mistlynn swallowed thickly as she pressed her back farther into the pillows behind her. She couldn’t bring herself to look away from Thorin’s piercing glower. She breathed in sharply through her nose.
“I saw you fighting tooth and nail, alongside other riders trying to save those innocents. You were pleading for me to spare your warriors, for the sole fact that they didn’t have the battle experience my warriors have. You cannot tell me, after watching all of that, that you do not care what happens to your people.” His voice was firm, his words were articulately chosen as he stared her down from the foot of the bed. He watched her chest rise and fall rapidly in time with her shallow breathes as she fought to maintain her carefully constructed act of apathy.
Moments passed, the air of the room thick with sparking tension as the King and his Queen stared each other down challengingly, a sheer battle of wills only spoken through their eyes. Mistlynn felt her bottom lip quiver slightly as she began to feel the brunt force of his words weighing down on her. He stood there, as still and as unyielding as stone as his eyebrow quirked slightly, acutely aware of her tells as she struggled to deny the truth he had spoken.
She blinked rapidly, her eyes beginning to burn as her vision blurred with unshed tears. She didn’t want to cry in front of them, to reveal her weakness. But it was too much, he had ripped away her poorly constructed barriers she had begun to build as the reality of all that happened began to close in around her. She felt exposed, the truth of her brother’s words ringing in her ears, taunting her, as if he were just mere steps away from her, obscured in the shadows in the corner of her room.
“There is no shame in caring for your people lass, even if you feel as if they abandoned you.” Balin’s words were softly spoken, making her heart constrict painfully in her chest. She winced, finally turning her face away from Thorin's stare and down at the blanket before her. She allowed her eyes to finally close, releasing the tears from her eyes down her cheeks to fall heavy onto her bed.
“I trust your discretion on this matter.” She choked out, her throat tight with the overwhelming emotions threatening to spill over.
She heard Thorin sigh. “M’eudail.” It almost sounded like a plea. A shudder tickled down her spine, whether from the deep timbre, still begging her to open up to him.
“I can’t do this. Not right now. I need …time.” She rasped, still looking down at her bedspread. Her fingers twitched and ached, still clenching the blanket like it was a failing lifeline. “I trust you, Thorin. To make the right decision. I am not in the right frame of mind to determine anyone’s fate at the moment.”
Balin looked over at Thorin, his wispy white eyebrows raised in question. “You have come to a certain understanding with that one Captain Markos.” The older Dwarrow kept his tone neutral. “He will know better than anyone how we should proceed.”
Thorin continued to stare at Mistlynn, who now lay fully against the pillows behind her as if completely drained of her energy. She wouldn’t meet his eyes as she looked off into the shadows of the opposite wall. Bitter disappointment filled him as he realized that this was as far as he was going to get with her today.
“Very well. Have him brought to my study. The sooner we set a plan in motion, the better.” His voice was gruff as took a step away from the bed, his gaze still resting on her only.
“I will go and fetch him. Best we bring in Fili and Kili to help delegate.” Balin stated before inclining his head towards Mistlynn. “Please do try to rest up, my dear. We have all missed you.”
“Thank you Balin.” Mistlynn whispered while still looking off into the dark corner of the room.
Thorin clenched his jaw as he turned and stalked out, with Balin following close behind him.
Dis watched them leave, hating to see the turmoil that was eating away at both her brother and sister-in-law. He had asked her to come sit earlier for another attempt of drawing Mistlynn out. Thorin was frustrated, but mostly terrified at how Mistlynn was handling the aftereffects of the battle between her and her brother. Her Adad’s murder by her brother’s hand certainly didn’t help matters either.
After the sound of the door closing sounded over the crackling of the fireplace, Dis cleared her throat and set down her teacup before standing up. “Now that your hair has had time to dry, let’s get those wild curls of yours braided.” She retrieved the comb and hair ties from the vanity across the room, her demeanor cheery as she hummed a little tune under her breath.
The skirts her dress rustled as she turned back and glided back towards the bed. She came around to Mistlynns side and sat down next to her. She motioned with her hand for her to turn around. Mistlynn complied without any argument, something akin to guilt making her pale brow crumple. Dis continued humming the calming tune as she began to run the wooden comb through Mistlynn’s silvery locks.
“I know I am being difficult. He doesn’t deserve it.” Mistlynn spoke suddenly, her voice wracked with guilt.
Dis’s hands paused briefly as she considered the admission before once again running the comb through.
“There is a lot you have to muddle through. He knows that. He just wants you to confide in him, let him know what it is that you need and what you’re feeling. He is a Dwarrow desperate to ease the pain of his One, my dear, not a mind reader.”
Mistlynn let out a long sigh. “I know. But how can I tell him what I’m feeling if I don’t even know myself? I am so unsure … of who or what I am. Everything was a lie. My entire life, all that made me …me, is based on a lie.” She took in a sharp breath before continuing. “And now, my adad is dead, killed by Valinn. I will never know why, why the need for all of these lies!”
Dis set the comb down onto the bed before gently gathering Mistlynn’s hair in her hands and began to section it skillfully. “No one expects you to know all of the answers just yet, Mist.” She soothed as she calmed the curly strands with her steady fingers, beginning the intricate braid. “Nor does anyone blame you for what has happened.”
Mistlynn scoffed. “I’m sure there are a good number of those who would jump at the chance to lay the blame at my feet. He is my brother; they were my people. I should have some sort of accountability in all of this mess.”
“We do not need you to play martyr.” Dis chided, not stopping once as her hands continued to weave the strands of hair flawlessly. “You are Thorin’s One. Erebor’s Queen. You hold your head high and lead with that confidence I know you possess. Don’t let your crazed brother steal that from you. He will win if you allow him to.”
Mistlynn worried her bottom lip in between her teeth as Dis worked. She didn’t know how to respond to that, her wounded pride wouldn’t allow words to form cohesively on her tongue. Her hands were moving restlesslessly, fingers intertwining and twisting in tandem with the screaming voices of her Adad and brother echoing in her head.
“It isn’t a weakness, caring for your people, you know. Despite all that has occurred in the past between them and your family.” Dis spoke again, this time with a compassion that made Mistlynn’s hands still. “That makes you strong. It is what makes you a Queen.” Dis finished the final length of the braid and began to tie it swiftly. She placed a hand on Mistlynn’s shoulders and squeezed gently.
“Remember where you came from. Your ancestors saved many innocents, dwarves and elves alike, from certain death and gave them hope when it had nearly been lost. You come from a line that chose love above all else. Honor, love and sacrifice, that is what your lineage is. They stood for what was right, in face of extreme hatred and opposition from their own kind. And they laid down their lives for the greater good of all. That is who you are, Mistlynn. That is where you come from. Be proud of that. Honor them.”
Mistlynn couldn’t help the tears that escaped her eyes as she covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the oncoming sobs that gripped her lungs.
She felt Dis’s arms encircle her as she began to hum consolingly. “Do not be ashamed to cry, dear heart.” Dis soothed as she rocked Mistlynn gently in her arms. “To mourn what has been lost, and to mourn what could have been, is a cleanse for the soul. It is a release of all those things in your past that have weighed you down and held you back from living life.”
Grief poured from her as she let herself go limp in her friends arms. She knew Dis was right. “It hurts.” She gasped, unable to describe further what exactly she was feeling in that moment.
“I know Mist. I know. But it will get better, I promise.” Dis soothed as she rubbed her hand in comforting circles on her back. “You will not navigate this alone; you have us to walk by your side. One step at a time.”
Mistlynn nodded as she sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, soaking in the comfort and warmth Dis was so freely giving her.
******************************
Later that night …
Her soft leather slippers padded softly in the vast hallway that was shrouded with the inky shadows that fell with the late hour of the night. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach, as if the pressure of her arms could soothe the ache from the self-loathing that was churning within her. She didn’t know why she reacted this way, why she was fighting him at every turn. She could see the exhaustion that had dulled the light in his eyes, how the weight of everything was heavy on his shoulders.
And it was all because of her.
Just like Valinn said.
Her throat became tight, her chest hurting as the emotions became almost overpowering. She had been fighting the reality of it all, from the very moment she woke up and saw Thorin sitting by her bedside, weary and emotionally broken, because she didn’t listen. She thought she was strong enough to fight Valinn.
And she failed.
Her eyes burned as she blinked rapidly to dispel the tears that were threatening to overpower her. She wanted to run, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to leave him. She was too selfish.
Even though she knew he would be better off. She wasn’t strong enough for him, and he deserved someone stronger, someone who wasn’t afraid of her own failures. She breathed in sharply as that particular thought stung deep, making her heart throb as it sunk in like a blooming bruise.
The guards that were standing before his office eyed her, no doubt surprised to see her up and about at this late hour.
“My Queen.” The guard closest to her greeted before both guards bowed their heads in respect. She swallowed thickly, she didn’t deserve their respect. She had done nothing but let everyone down with her weakness.
She nodded stiffly in response. “Is the King in his office?”
“Yes, your highness.”
She breathed in deeply as she steeled herself. “Can you ask him if he is willing to speak to me?”
The guards looked at each other in shock. “Of course, you highness.” The guard who had first greeted her seemed confused but knocked on the door.
She heard a weary “Enter.” Come from the other side of the door before the guard opened it. She bit her bottom lip as another twinge of guilt gnawed at her.
“Sire, the Queen is here. She is asking if you are able to speak to her?”
She heard the abrupt sound of a chair being shoved across the stone floor before his heavy steps rushed towards the door. The guard stepped back to his post just as the heavy door swung open as Thorin’s broad stature filled the threshold.
“M’eudail.” His voice was tense with alarm. “What is wrong? Why are you out this late at night. You should be in bed resting.” His scolding was light, more concerned as he scanned her from her from head to toe. His shock became exasperation as he took note of her thinner silk dress. “Where is your cloak?”
“I-I wanted to talk to you. I was up waiting.”
He had to lean forward slightly in order to hear her meek reply. He shook his head as he shrugged out of his jacket, stepping forward to wrap it around her shoulders. “I am sorry. I thought you would be asleep. Otherwise, I would have sent a note.”
She trembled at the feeling of his warmth encompassing her. “I’ll walk you back to our chambers…”
“No, I wish to speak to you here. Please.” Her voice cracked with a thinly veiled desperation. His eyebrows rose as he scanned her face.
After a brief moment, he nodded before wrapping an arm around her to guide her in with a hand placed gently on her lower back. She allowed him to lead her in, her arms tightening around herself as she heard him close the door behind them.
“You need to be resting, not straining yourself. You could have sent me a note, I would have come to you immediately.” He began, his fear and frustrations pouring out of his lips as he walked to stand before her.
“I needed out of that room Thorin. I needed to breathe. I needed to see you.” Her words tumbled out of her, rushed and clumsy as her thoughts. She stopped herself with a deep breath as she closed her eyes, willing herself to be composed.
She heard him sigh as he walked around her. Guilt stabbed at her again, hating that she was the cause of that sigh, of his weariness. She had failed him on such a spectacular level she couldn’t even begin to come to terms with it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She could feel the heat of him as he stood in front of her, close yet not touching as he waited for her to open her eyes. She didn’t want to. She had seen too much disappointment and pain in his crystal blue depths. It was worse than the healing wound in her side, more tense than the tight scar that ran halfway across her throat.
“I am so, so sorry, Thorin.” She breathed out in an exhale. Her eyes fluttered open, tears glistening in their corners as she fought to contain them. “I do not mean to be difficult. I’m fighting so many thoughts and voices inside my head. I am so ashamed …” Her voice broke as a tear escaped unbidden down her cheek.
Her breath hitched as she felt his hand cup her cheek, brushing the tear away with his thumb. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
She shook her head sharply. “Yes, I do! This is all my fault, none of this would have happened if I had not come here, if I hadn’t run like a coward from my home. My Adad would be alive…”
“Valinn would have killed you right alongside him.” Thorin cut her off as he tilted her chin up so that she had no other choice but to look at him. “Nothing good comes from second guessing the past, there is no changing it. What is done is done.”
Her chest ached; a soft sob that was more of a hiccup left her chest as he tried to breath under his piercing gaze. He held her firm, there was no escaping it. “Never think that you coming here was in error. We were meant to find one another.” His tone was absolute as he leaned down, resting his forehead to hers. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me, Mistlynn. You breathed life back into me when I was barely living. You are the starlight in my night, remember?”
Tears escaped her eyes freely now, her lips trembling as his warm words washed over her, soothing the aches that had settled deep within her chest. “Everything happened as it was supposed to. All is well. You are safe, your people are safe.” He slid his other hand down to rest on her lower back to pull her into an embrace as his other hand left her chin to trace her jaw gently before cupping the back of her head. “I want to help you silence those voices of your past, M’eudail. But I cannot if you do not let me.”
“You are helping me. You’ve done so much for me already; I’ll never be able to repay you…”
“You are my wife, Mistlynn. There is nothing to repay. Your issues are mine, remember?” Thorin huffed out in exasperation as he placed a tender kiss on her brow. “Why do you not seem to believe this? What can I do to get you to trust me with what haunts you? I cannot help you or understand what it is your dealing with if you don’t tell me.”
“I can’t tell you if I dont know how to put any of it into words.” She ground out as she allowed herself to place her palms against his chest so that she could feel the beat of his heart under her hand. He was so full of life; his strength radiated from him and surrounded her. She didn’t know what happened to her inner strength. It was as if it had been bled from her that day on the battlefield.
“I don’t know why; I just feel like a shadow of myself. Everything I fought so hard against all seems for nothing. My life, my history, my family, my people. There is no truth to any of it. And it makes me feel like I am an imposter. I’ve fought and bled for nothing.”
Only the sound of the roaring fire in the fireplace could be heard as Thorin stood there, processing her confession. “Look at me.” He finally stated firmly as he pulled back from her, so that he could look down at her.
She raised her head slightly until her gaze met his. She saw no anger or judgment in his eyes. Only acceptance and understanding.
“You have always been true to yourself Mistlynn. Just because you were told lies your entire life does not mean that you are an imposter. You have lived and fought with purpose. You stand up for what you believe in. You are a fighter.” He gave her a small smile as he leaned down, to nuzzle her. “You even tied me to our bed so that you could go face Valinn alone, you fearless, stubborn dam. I’m still surprised you managed that while I slept.”
Mistlynn couldn’t help but giggle lightly at the memory. “I have a skillset for sneaking.” She murmured.
Thorin’s deep chuckle warmed her. “All will be well, Kurdunuh. Trust in that truth.”
She nodded as she savored the feel of him holding her close. “We will be talking about this more, when you are better.” He growled playfully, eager to pull her out of the sadness that had been clinging to her like a second skin. It was a look he never wanted to see on her ever again. “The fact you always seem to do the exact opposite of what I tell you do still is rather irritating.”
“I can’t help myself. It’s a natural reaction when you get all kingly on me.” She teased back. She had missed this. It had seemed like it had been an eternity since they had last bantered with one another, like they had when they had been dancing around their attraction and pull towards each other.
He snorted. “Kingly. I am not. Take it back.”
She huffed out a laugh as she allowed herself to lean against him fully, hands still splayed on his chest. “I think not.” She sighed. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.” She let her eyes close, so that she could focus on the feeling of his hands on her lower back. Weariness was creeping in, much to her frustration. She hadn’t realized the late-night walk would drain her so quickly.
She heard him hum as he placed another lingering kiss on her forehead. “It is late. You should be in bed.” He began to rub her back soothingly, making her eyes even heavier.
She nodded, her eyes still closed. “Could you come to bed with me? I need you to …hold me. The nightmares…” she trailed off, her voice going faint as she felt his hands stop their path along her spine.
“Are they getting worse?” She felt his lips caress her temple, his question a rumble in his chest that made her tighten her grip on his shirt.
“No, not worse. Just…persistent.” She finally opened her eyes as she felt him pull away from her forehead. She met his worried gaze, giving him a soft smile she hoped would put him at ease.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He placed his hands on her upper arms as he studied her, his thumbs tracing comforting circles.
She shook her head again. “No. Not now. I will soon, I just-I want you to just hold me. It’s been so long since you have been able to.”
Thorin regarded her closely before nodding. “Very well. Just let me put the ink away and we can go.”
“If you need to finish, I can wait…” she began, her eyes scanning the various papers that were strewn across his desk, but he cut her off quickly as he cleaned up his workspace.
“I can finish everything in the morning.” He left no room for argument. She watched him put the stopper in the ink pot and lock the papers in his drawer before pocketing the key. “There. That’s done. Let’s get you to bed.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her to the door.
She let him lead her down the walkway back to their quarters. She found herself snuggling into his side, savoring the warmth and weight of his arm around her upper back. It was a small relief, finally being able to tell him some of the ugly thoughts that had been lurking within the darker parts of her. She had half-forgotten they were still a part of her, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to sort them away again. She found herself wondering how she had managed to do so in the first place.