Archive of Our Own ^beta

Camelot was recovering.

Merlin had never realized how strong its inhabitants were, but after seeing their ability to return to everyday life after the horrors Morgana had subjected them to, he had to realize it.

Camelot wobbled, tried to hold on, and it did .

They had defeated Morgana, they had won . And, now, they could reap the fruits of that victory.

Merlin smiled as he saw Gwaine and Lancelot walking over to where he was standing, laughing with each other.

Having his friends there had been another blessing, a second victory, according to Merlin.

Saying goodbye to each of them had been extremely painful, a blow to his already wounded heart.

Having them back eased the wounds that Will, Freya, and his father had left on it.

As soon as they both saw him they headed towards him, sincerely enjoying his company and his humor.

“Merls!” Gwaine hugged him, making Merlin laugh at the absolutely tenacious grip he was being held with by the new-made-knight.

“Gwaine. Lancelot.” Merlin greeted, before placing a hand on his forehead, and saying. “Oh, dear, right. Sir Gwaine, Sir Lancelot.”

Lancelot blushed at the bow Merlin had given them, but Gwaine smiled enthusiastically.

“I had to put up with Uther's arrogant nobles, but at least I could show them what the road teaches.” Gwaine snorted. “These dandies wouldn't even survive a night in the inns.”

Merlin chuckled. “I'll have you know that they survive Arthur's patrols, which, for some reason unknown to me, also involve me ."

Lancelot gave him a knowing look, while Gwaine chuckled. “I'm sure I'll be better.”

"Safe bet." Merlin laughed, deeply agreeing with the knight. Even Arthur had to recognize his talent. Maybe he would even be able to see him as better than himself or at least as skilled as he was.

Lancelot looked at him with a smile. "Where were you going?"

"Running errands for his royal highness, of course. As usual." Merlin rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

Lancelot and Gwaine laughed.

"We're coming with you."

"You don't have to." Merlin tried to deny it, but the two knights insisted and, without knowing how, Merlin found himself carried across the square by the two friends.

Laughing, he surrendered to his fate.

****

Merlin glanced at the clearing.

The Valley of the Fallen Kings had always been bad news .

He still hadn't understood what drove Arthur to continually choose that way.

Growing up in a village like Merlin did, the Valley was a cursed place. No one who entered then managed to get out.

Nobody .

Sure, Arthur and the knights continued to use that road, but every accident they had had during their passage had been fatal and prevented only by Merlin's magic.

If it hadn't been for that, Merlin was sure they wouldn't have survived.

None of them.

And, now, Arthur was once again trying his luck, and, unknowingly, Merlin's talents.

But Merlin knew that he couldn't always be lucky.

Sure enough, just as Merlin was once again reminding Arthur how incredibly dangerous the road was, they were ambushed.

"You were right, it really is very safe!" Merlin commented, as expected of him on that occasion.

"How funny you are." Arthur replied, taking off his red cloak and picking up his sword to fight.

This scene had already been experienced so many times that Merlin knew exactly what he should have done: find a good place from which to observe the whole situation and intervene in order to avoid the premature death of his friends.

But, this time, the bandits had brought a sorcerer .

Merlin had felt his power, causing him to step back for a moment. His gaze finally landed on him, and he saw him raise his hand, his eyes shining gold.

A spell .

But he wasn't aiming for Arthur. Like Merlin, he was not directly attacking the most skilled bandits or those who clearly commanded, whose fall would prompt a hasty retreat.

No, the sorcerer's hand was aimed at Gwaine .

Merlin called his friend, knowing it would be useless.

He ran between the two, leaving his power free to manifest.

Panting, he turned to the knights, once all the bandits had escaped or been killed.

Arthur looked at him hard. "You're a sorcerer."

Merlin swallowed, nodding.

What was the point of him lying now?

"You… you know what…" Arthur looked at the other knights and Merlin did too.

Only Lancelot was looking at him as he always had.

Everyone else had suspicion in their eyes.

They had fear , hatred , and disgust .

Towards Merlin .

Merlin had aroused those feelings in his friends.

He took a step back, and then another, away from suspicion and hatred and disgust.

And then he ran.

" Merlin !"

***

Merlin was hiding. 

He had taken the hint that his father had left him unconsciously. Run away from Camelot and hide in other kingdoms.

The look in the eyes of his friends, those who were almost his brothers , had stopped him from trying to make other friends. To meet other people.

To let any of them have the slightest influence on him, to let any of them be capable of hurting him in the worst possible way. By betraying him.

Part of Merlin knew that he was the one who betrayed his friends first, but he had a good reason to lie.

Telling the truth would have meant losing his life .

For them, giving him the chance to explain himself meant only a moment in their time when prejudices didn't govern their emotions.

Cenred was a greedy king, Uther was a tyrant.

Merlin had left the chance for Arthur to show his true colors.

The nobility was petty, arrogant, and violent.

Merlin had never treated Leon or Gwaine with prejudice.

The knights were pompous, arrogant.

Merlin hadn't changed his attitude towards Elyan and Percival .

He hadn't looked at them with hatred, anger, or fear for their swords ability.

Why did they have to look at him like that just because of something he was born with ?

Merlin had fought Morgana for Arthur .

Merlin had stopped two powerful witches who would have made Camelot a safe place for people like him .

He could have convinced Morgana of the reason behind his actions.

If he had betrayed Arthur, both witches would have welcomed him.

But Merlin hadn't .

And the knights knew that it was he who saved Arthur, that it was he who rallied the knights. That he was the one who convinced Arthur to take back Camelot and save his father, despite his lies.

He had been the one to convince Arthur not to kill him, when Arthur had discovered the truth about his birth.

And everyone had forgotten it.

Merlin had always been just the servant.

Not a friend .

Avoiding talking to other people was his only way to avoid being hurt like this again.

***

News came in from time to time.

Not travelers, but druids .

People who felt the magic coming from the place he had chosen as his refuge.

Who sought shelter and help, and which Merlin happily provided.

He made him feel useful . It made him feel less guilty for not being able to stay with Arthur to guide him towards better government.

One day, Iseldir appeared on his doorstep.

"Iseldir."

The druid smiled. "Can we talk, Emrys?"

"I'm Merlin." The sorcerer corrected. " Just Merlin."

Iseldir smiled as he sat on the ground in front of the boy.

"You're just nothing, Merlin."

Merlin sighed, but didn't answer.

"I bring news of your friends." Iseldir spoke. "Sir Lancelot has found me and asked me to report to you that you are not hated or feared. Your friends are not afraid of you, and while they are obviously wary of magic, they are mostly concerned about you . They have not heard from you since your hasty escape."

Merlin snorted. "I saw the hatred towards me. I wasn't wrong about that."

"I think it's you who's scared, Merlin." Iseldir said. “You're afraid that they're not afraid of you.”

"And why should this be so?" Merlin looked at him.

"Because that would mean you've been hiding in vain until now."

Merlin looked down. "I did?"

"Why don't you join your friends and find out for yourself, Merlin?" Iseldir smiled slightly, before saying. "It would be appropriate now. Arthur is lost without you."

"Arthur wouldn't have even noticed I wasn't there if it hadn't been for my running away."

Iseldir shook his head. "He doesn't attend meetings. He doesn't eat properly and doesn't sleep. He is constantly engaged in research. In your research."

Merlin looked up. "Really?"

Iseldir nodded. "I think you'll find him outside Camelot."

Merlin nodded slightly. "I'll be back, then."

Iseldir smiled. "That seems wise, Merlin."

***

Iseldir had been right: Merlin had not found Arthur in Camelot.

He was taking the road back to Camelot from Ealdor, a road he knew very well and which was almost always free of bandits or soldiers.

Merlin had berries in his pocket, and rabbits hopping around him.

As he bent down to pet one, a puppy that had gotten closer than anyone else, he heard a noise.

He looked up at the same time as Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table made their appearance.

" Merlin ." Arthur said, dismounting from his horse and looking at the boy with a shocked look.

Merlin glanced at Lancelot, who smiled. “I see you got my message.”

"Hard to miss, Lance." Merlin shook his head.

Arthur had moved closer to him and Merlin looked him in the eyes.

"Arthur, I…"

Merlin's sentence was interrupted by a pair of arms around his neck, and then a head resting in the crook of his neck.

Arthur was hugging him.

Arthur was hugging him .

Merlin held him tightly, not wanting to miss the opportunity now that it had shown up by itself.

"You scared me." Arthur murmured and Merlin swallowed. 

"I was afraid you were going to get me killed." Merlin admitted.

" What ?" Arthur walked away, as if burned. "Did you think I would ever knowingly hurt you ? Merlin, how could you believe that for even a moment? You… you're my best friend. You're my first friend. I would never have handed you over to my father to be killed !"

Merlin swallowed. " No ?"

Arthur shook his head. "Never."

Merlin blinked, but the tears still fell. " Oh… "

"I am sorry." Arthur hugged him tightly again. "I'm sorry that you had to live in fear for so long . I'm sorry that you had no one for so long . You have me now, you have all of us . And none of us will ever let anything bad happen to you. "

Merlin, from Arthur's shoulder, looked at the knights, who had dismounted and approached the couple.

Leon smiled. "We would never do that."

Elyan and Percival nodded.

Lancelot said. "I told you, Merlin."

"Yes, okay, but princess, give us all a chance to hug Merlin."

Merlin laughed, as Arthur left him with exaggeratedly rolled eyes and Gwaine grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Merlin, you must know that if you had been arrested, I would have made you escape. Even if it meant stealing some horses from the stables and knocking out some pompous noble."

Arthur sighed. "That's treason."

"Thank you." Merlin smiled, ignoring Arthur. “I will definitely take that into consideration if I ever give in to the temptation to kill that ass.”

"This is also treason." Arthur sighed again.

Gwaine smiled. "Excellent."

“So no one is going to comment on the level of treason those two are reaching?” Arthur asked the knights.

Lancelot nodded. "You are right, sire." Turning to the two, he said. "I'll help you too, Merlin."

“Great, more treason.”

Amid the laughter of the knights at Arthur's expense, Merlin felt, finally and for the first time ever, at home. 

He was safe .

He no longer had to hide.