Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I can’t see where you’re comin’ from

But I know just what you’re runnin’ from

And what matters thinkin’ who’s baddest, but the

Ones who stop you falling from your ladder…"

The sound of sirens was gradually fading, and River breathed a sigh of relief. They had always been more or less part of his daily life, an ambient noise in Night City that he himself had triggered for many years when he drove the patrol cars. Except that for the past few months, they had been the signal telling him to run and hide.

Sheltered on the roof of a Northside building, River leaned against a ventilation block, waiting for the storm to pass. This was the third time this week that his former colleagues had given him the runaround. And as always, he couldn't help thinking that if the NCPD could go to such lengths to track down the real criminals, this city wouldn't be where it was, and neither would he.

It had all started a few months earlier. He'd needed eddies, a lot of eddies, to pay Randy's medical bills. So he'd done the unthinkable for anyone who knew him. For the second time in his life, after doing it for a merc out from nowhere he'd fallen in love with, he'd thrown away all his moral principles. Except that this time it hadn't ended with a romantic evening on a water tower and a night that had radically change his life. Although in this case, it had also radically changed his life.

Trauma Team had offered him a good deal of eddies in exchange for the NCPD's secret medical files. After the fall of Arasaka, the city's various corpos were fighting to get the biggest slice of pie, and the NCPD had once again paid the price. Private security services had begun to replace patrol officers in most areas of Night City, leaving a good number of badges out in the cold, some of whom could only count to live on the benefits they received from their Trauma Team disability insurance. So many eddies that Trauma Team would have preferred to keep and invest in more profitable sectors. So when the corpo discovered that some - most - of its NCPD policyholders had cheated on their files, with the approval of their superiors, to obtain benefits to which they were not entitled, they decided to clean house. And to do so, they needed access to the NCPD's confidential medicals information to compare them with those in their possession.

His crooked former colleagues' data for his nephew's health? River didn't even ask himself the question when the Trauma Team agent had contacted him, and he had accepted without hesitation. And a few days later, he had placed a spyware on the computer of one of his former colleagues. He had pretended to pay a courtesy call in his old precinct, slotted in the infected shard, taken the time to chat back and forth whit his old coworkers while the data was collected, slotted out shard and left as he had come. It had been almost too simple. Too simple not to backfire a few days later.

When word had leaked out that the NCPD's medical data had been hacked and former officers had started to have their allowances withdrawn without notice, it was Detective Harold Han who had turned the spotlight on the culprit. Han had never really come to terms with the fact that River had ratted him out to Internal Affairs over Rhyne's death case, even though in the end his former partner had suffered more of the situation than he had. But since then, he'd been suspicious of him, even waiting for the right opportunity to take revenge. So River's visit, when he'd never been back to his old workplace since he'd resigned, had seemed suspicious to Han from the start, especially as he'd been there the day his former partner had loudly handed in his badge, explaining to his boss that even the merc he'd been dating had less reprehensible moral principles than those of the corrupt NCPD hierarchy. This visit, months later, as if nothing had happened, a few days before Trauma Team suspended its payments, was a more than intriguing coincidence. Han then decided to confront River at home to confirm his suspicions.

The evening Han knocked on his door, River had had too much to drink, as he had done almost every night since a part of him had disappeared without a trace other than a text saying she'd be back in a few days. A few days that turned into months and forced River to accept the reality that Johnny Silverhand had won. He had then taken refuge in alcohol and the state he had been in when Han came confronting him had made him a very bad liar. Han had immediately told his superiors, River had gone from being a former cop who was too honest for the NCPD to being the man to kill, and the next morning a patrol had come to 'arrest' him.

As the three NCPD cars pulled up in front of his home, River immediately realized that he was more likely to end up in a landfill than behind bars. A simple arrest wouldn't have mobilized so many people, especially with the small number of NCPD officers left. River knew this all the more as he himself had sometimes had no choice but to take part in this kind of 'intervention' when he was still a junior officer. So he had followed his guts and managed to escape over the rooftops, as best he could, and since then his life had become a constant flight.

He lived like a fugitive, always on the move to avoid the NCPD agents who wanted to make him pay for his betrayal. The rooms at the No-Tell Motel and the Sunset Motel held no secrets for him anymore. River had even tried his luck in Dogtown, the only part of Night City where the NCPD didn't set foot, but after a few days there, he'd quickly realized that a badge, even a former one, wasn't welcome. Kurt Hansen may have been dead, but the Barghest was still very much alive, and in the end, everyday life in Dogtown remained the same as before.

To support himself, River took part in underground boxing matches and sometimes sold his services. Except, while he used to look for missing people and return them to their families, he knew that now a worse fate awaited them when he gave his clients the details of where his targets could be found. That was the problem with working for gangs, but unfortunately no one else would hire him.

River was not proud of what he had become, a man he would have been glad to put in prison not so long ago. He hated the image the mirrors reflected back at him, but he was convinced he had no other choice. He needed eddies to survive, and so did Joss.

The little eddies he managed to earn, he shared with his sister by making transfers from deposit points. He never gave it to her in person, as he hadn't seen her since it all started. He thought this was the safest way for him to provide a decent life for his family without putting them all at risk. He missed his sister and nephews terribly, but the NCPD must surely have been watching them in the hope of finding him. At least that's what he would have done in that situation.

If Joss also suffered from missing her brother, she understood. She had even advised him to leave the city for his own sake. But to leave Night City? Where would he go? River had already thought about it, but he had already been uprooted as a child. It had been difficult for him to rebuild his life and he couldn't imagine living anywhere else but in the city where, for a moment, he had tasted happiness. This city and his bounded memories to it were all he had left to hold him together. And then to leave would have meant that Night City had won, and he refused to accept that. He didn't want to become like all those people who were chewed and spat out by Night City. He wanted to believe that he still had the upper hand over it and that one day he would be able to take revenge for everything it had taken from him. This hope, faint as it was, kept him holding on through the streets he knew by heart, enough to have survived this endless struggle that his life had become.

...

Apart from a few passers-by shouting at each other, the street below River was calm again. Nevertheless, he decided to stay there until daybreak. It was after three in the morning, the Totentaz was not far away, and he wanted to avoid dealing with its customers. He hadn't managed to escape the NCPD for yet another time to become the new star of a Maelstrom's hardcore Braindance.

After rubbing his face between his hands to keep his mind awake, River slid down the ventilation block where he was leaning to sit. Then he ran his chrome hand over his head and down his neck. The cool sensation the metal gave him always helped him to stay focused, especially when sleep deprivation set in.

Sleep... he'd lost some of that too since everything went wrong. And he'd found it all the more difficult to sleep over the last three months because he couldn't stop thinking about a call he'd received. A call from a ghost who had often made him wonder if all this would have happened if she hadn't disappeared. If she would have let him sink as deep as he had if she had been there.

V…

She was still alive. Both shocked and angry, he hadn't really given her time to explain, and he blamed himself for that.

Two years in a coma. V had spent two years in a coma and that was all she had been able to explain to him before he told her he didn't want to see her when she asked. But he'd wanted to, if only to find out how she was, how she'd got through it and how she was holding up... But for her to find out what had become of him ? Out of the question. He was no longer the man she had known, and she was bound to be disappointed by what she found. He had made her understand, she had accepted, and that would be the end of it. Or so he thought, because what he hadn't anticipated was that this call would bring back memories that he had a hard time to bury under gallons of alcohol months earlier.

Veronika…

She had been the one to bring him hope before taking it with her. The one who had given him back his smile before wiping it away forever. The one who had given him her time when she no longer had any. But he had never imagined that their story would end like this. Their feelings for each other had been as quick as they had been powerful. Their passion had lasted a few weeks but had ended abruptly, and he had never really recovered. With time he had managed to accept it, but some wounds leave scars that never heal.

Yet River knew that their relationship was more than a risky bet for the future. V had been honest with him from the start and had explained everything to him the day after their first night together. The Relic, Johnny Silverhand, Arasaka... Her chances of survival were slim, he'd always been aware of that, but he'd still wanted to give it a go, even if it meant holding her hand until the end so she didn't die on her own. She deserved it and so much more.

Ever since V's call, River had been going over and over what he'd said to her whenever his mind had a bit of free time, like right now, in the middle of the night, hiding on the roof of a disused building on Northside. Yes, he would have liked it so much otherwise.

And every time he revisited the image of V that had appeared on his holo, he couldn't help thinking that he'd been too hard on her. She had seemed so fragile, so vulnerable. With her shaved head and pale complexion, she had seemed lost. She had changed physically, but not only that. Her voice had betrayed a state of mind he had never known in V: abdication. Even giving up so quickly when he'd rejected her wasn't like her and he couldn't help worrying about her. With everything she'd been through holding her head high, what could have happened to make the strongest woman he knew seem so destroyed?

He had been so upset by the call that he had even told Joss, whom he briefly called every week to check on his family. His sister's reaction had been immediate when she knew: “You stupid gonk! I can't believe you're even asking yourself what's happened to her! For good sake River, YOU'RE what happened to her! Can you imagine how much you hurt her? It's been two years for you, but for her, you two, it was just a few days ago! I get that you don't want her to see what you've become, but how dared you behave like that with her?! You're a real asshole sometimes!" And she’d hung up, angry.

Since then, River had been lost. He felt guilty, consumed by the desire to see V at least one last time to reassure her that now that he knew, he no longer held a grudge.

"Ward, you're such a bastard..." River grunted as the sun rose. He got up, stretched and headed for the service ladder that would take him back to his car where he would spend most of the day dozing off to recover as best as he could from another difficult night. He needed it even more as that evening, he had a boxing match scheduled in Rancho Coronado. On the way to his Thorton, he thought it might be a good idea to take the opportunity to go to the one place that had always given him a bit of comfort, and which wasn't far from where the fight was due to take place. It was risky and contrary to the course of action he had set himself, but over there, perhaps he would have a slightly clearer head.

Chapter Text

It had been a tough fight, but River had been through it without major injury for once. He'd taken a few bad blows, but so had his opponent, and the eddies he'd earned in exchange had been worth it. His jaw and ribs would probably be sore for a few days, but he'd got used to the pain. River even preferred this physical pain to the moral one he constantly felt deep down inside. A sensation that accompanied him everywhere, all the time, to which he claimed to have become accustomed over time, even though he knew perfectly well that he was lying to himself. He even wondered sometimes if these fights weren't an unconscious way of silencing his internal suffering for a few hours with an external one over which he could keep control, unlike the inner demons that were breaking him more and more every day.

His Thorton was parked in the parking lot of the hall where the fight had taken place, but River didn't head in that direction. The place he wanted to go next wasn't far away and he didn't want to be spotted once he got there. His Thornton would have been too easily identifiable if anyone saw it, so his legs would be his means of transport.

The next twenty minutes seemed like an eternity. Scanning the smallest alleyway, turning around at the slightest suspicious noise, sneaking into the shadows between buildings, always keeping his hand on his gun. It had become his daily routine, but it was still just as exhausting.

River then stopped at a shop on a street corner to buy himself a pack of beer, which would help him ward off the loneliness he felt every night, and then set off again. Until, in the darkness, he saw the silhouette of a familiar place that he had missed more than he could have imagined.

Red Peaks... He hadn't been here since... He couldn't even say it. With a lump in his stomach and his throat, River sneaked between the trailers, taking care not to be spotted by his sister's neighbors, and finally arrived where he wanted to be. Once at the foot of the water tower, he glanced towards Joss's trailer to discover that an old red Mai-Mai was parked out front. His sister must have had a visitor and so much the better. Knowing that Joss was continuing to live a normal life despite everything cheered him up a little.

"Fuck me... Will no one ever fix this shit?" River grunted before opening the gate blocking access to the water tower by punching the locking system with his chrome hand. A heavy metallic sound echoed in the stillness of the night. "Shit... be more discreet, Ward."  As a precaution, River scanned his surroundings, but fortunately the noise hadn't alerted anyone, and he was able to start climbing the ladder that would lead him to what had long been his refuge and home to the best memories of his former life.

****

"See ya, Joss, and thanks again for the meal." V gave her friend one last hug and headed for the exit. Once outside, she took a deep breath to suppress all the emotions that Red Peaks brought up in her every time she went there, which had been every Wednesday since her return to Night City.

Along with Mama Welles, Joss was one of the few people to give V a warm welcome back. However, V hadn't expected anything from her, she even thought she'd never see her again with the way things had ended with River. So it was with surprise that she saw Joss's name appear on her phone a few days after her return. Given what River had said in their last conversation, she had even responded with anguish, fearing the worst. If Joss was calling her, it must mean that the shitstorm he'd got himself into had finally zeroed him and that she wanted to warn her. But no. Joss had immediately reassured V and asked her to have a drink together, telling her that while the Ward part of the family had wanted to forget her, the Kutcher part had not.

V naturally accepted. A familiar face, in the desert that had become her life, was more than appreciated. The next day she went to Red Peaks and from then on, they saw each other every week, Joss being a very good mentor for V who was trying to get used to her new life as a normal person.

It had been three months since V had returned, and although Night City had changed, V had finally managed to find a few landmarks. First of all Mama Welles, who had offered her a place to live and a job as a waitress at Coyote Cojo. Then Pepe, who was already her choom and now her colleague, and who had taken all the necessary time to explain to V what had happened in her absence. 

Being back in Vista del Rey had done V a world of good. It was her neighborhood, where she'd been born and raised, and luckily it hadn't changed too much, unlike the rest of Night City. The corpos didn't give a damn about the people who lived there and gave them relative peace and quiet, not wanting to waste their time confronting the Valentinos who had been ensuring the safety of the inhabitants since the NCPD was sinking. As for V, she was well enough known there that her new status as a non-augmented person was not a problem, as long as she stayed in the places frequented by ordinary mortals, of which she was now a part. Having to sleep in Jackie's bed had made the first few days difficult, but she had got used to it, and in the end, it reassured her to be living in the midst of all her memories of her former life, including those of 'su hermano'.

After two months, and with the help of Mama Welles, Joss and Pepe, V had more than begun her psychological rebuilding. So it had been time to deal with the physical side of her. Her eyebrows had grown back, and her hair was finally starting to be 'usable'. It was Joss who had given her the contact details of a hairdresser friend. "He does 100% natural extensions, nothing synthetic or remotely resembling an implant," she had said with a wink, and V had been able to see for herself the miracle his fairy fingers had worked on her. Sitting in that armchair, in that beauty salon, when she had looked in the mirror, she had finally recognized herself.

And since then, she was living. Simply, normally, but she was living. She often missed her old life, but this one at least had the merit of gradually giving her a peace of mind she'd never had before. All she had to do now was find plans for the future. Being a waitress for Mama Welles would only be a transition and she knew it. At some point, she would have to regain her total independence. It was precisely this subject that had been discussed for a good part of the evening with Joss as they took stock of the options open to V, and which had helped her to finally make up her mind. Or almost. It was late, V was tired, and she wanted to give herself a little more time to think about it.

As V was about to sit in her Mai-Mai, she reflexively glanced in the direction of the water tower. She knew it was pointless and that she was hurting herself by thinking about what had happened up there, but she couldn't help it. Every time she came to Red Peaks, she did so in the hope of catching a glimpse of him, even though she was aware that this would never happen since even Joss hadn't seen River for months. But this seemingly pointless glance was what she needed to remind herself that even in the darkest hours, happiness can be tasted. Meeting River, at the worst moment of her life, and what had followed was proof of that. Without him, without the desire she'd had to fight for their future together, she'd probably be dead by now. So maybe he had changed, as he had told her, but that didn't change what he had meant to her and still meant. She had been his queen for a heartbeat on the scale of Night City, and he would be her forever king, hidden in the shadows of the city's skyscrapers that had broken them.

"Holy shit..." V expected to see the water tower platform empty, as always, but a familiar silhouette loomed there in the night. It couldn't be him, not with what she knew. Knowing him, she couldn't imagine him taking that kind of risk. And yet, if not him, then who? Her reason told her to leave. He hadn't just said goodbye, he'd said farewell. His intentions towards her had been more than clear. But her heart told her otherwise: what if it was him? A final discussion with him, knowing what she planned to do in the next few weeks, was unhoped.  And as always, she followed her feelings. She had to know for sure.

***

Lost in thought for over an hour, River didn't hear somebody was climbing the ladder, let alone the footsteps behind him. "Didn't know you smoked... And with the amount of empty bottles lying around you, I hope you had a choom with you to help you drink all that. "

This voice... He didn't need to look at her, he knew. How, why, he had no idea, but he knew it was her, just as he'd known it would happen sooner or later ever since she'd called him. The question that was still being debated, however, was whether he wanted to have this discussion with her right now.

"The cig is what happens when I'm particularly under pressure, and that's the case all the time lately. As for beers, well, let’s just say I get a dry throat when I smoke too much," he replied, tossing his butt into the void. "Hi, V. It’s been a while."

"Hi Riv..." Doubt then suddenly seized V, and her heart, which was already on the verge of breaking, missed a beat or two. "Um, well... I’m not quite sure what I'm doing here actually. So, if you want me to leave, I'll understand."

River remained silent long enough for V to take it as a refusal to talk to her and she began to turn back, tears in her eyes. Yes, he had changed, he hadn't lied to her, and what she saw broke her heart. All that was left of him was just the shadow of his former self.

"V, wait. Stay. "

V stopped in her tracks, trembling. "You sure?"

"Dunno but... do you believe in signs of fate?" he asked in a monotone voice.

"Misty always told me to listen to them but I never had the knack for it. Why?"

There was silence again, barely disturbed by River clearing his throat and the sound he made as he opened another beer. " Because I want to believe in them tonight" he finally resumed. "I want to believe that if you're here on the very day I decide to come back on this fucking water tower, it's not by chance. Unless it's my sister who's seen me and called in the cavalry because she doesn't know how to deal with me anymore. Knowing her, it wouldn't be the first time she'd stuck her nose in my business, let alone our relationship."

"Your sis had nothing to do with it. She doesn't even know you're here," V replied as he moved closer to River, and the more she looked at him, the more impressed she became by the dark aura he gave off. "But before we go any further, can I sit down?"

"Of course. I know I was a dick the last time we spoke but... You've got nothing to fear from me, V. To tell you the truth, it's actually good to see you again." River patted the empty space next to him with his hand to invite V to join him and she breathed a sigh of relief.

The worst was apparently over. Well, almost. In a fit of emotion, V lost her balance as she sat down and River just managed to catch her before she fell over, and she ended up sitting on top of him, which enabled her to observe her savior’s face much more closely than she would have liked. Than she would have liked, because River had been damaged by life over the last two years and it showed on him. "Holy shit... Joss wasn't kidding when she said you'd taken a beating. The salt-and-pepper beard suits you, though, it gives you a certain charm even if I imagine it's stress-related, but your fucking black eye... did that happen to you in a fight or while you were trying to escape your old NCPD chooms?"

"Dunno, I stopped caring ages ago." River helped V to her feet so that she could sit next to him in a position that would make them both less uncomfortable. "But if you know about all this, I take it that you and Joss..."

"...we've become pretty close since I've been back, yeah. And yeah, she explained everything to me." V paused to decide how to continue the conversation, wriggling her fingers between them. She was happy to be here, with him, yet she had never felt so awkward in his presence. "Listen, Riv, what you did to pay Randy's bills, I understand and I'm sorry it turned..."

"Don't go any further, V." River stops her abruptly, coldly, before resuming more calmly. "Don't wanna talk about it. If my sister’s already told you everything, I think you know me well enough to know that it's haunting me and.... Anyway, that's not why I asked you to stay. I asked you to stay to know how you are, because it seems I'm not the only one who's been through a lot. What you looked like when you called me last time, your loss of balance just righ now which is so unlike you... What did they do to you, ba... er... V, sorry, to make you look so broken?"

V felt her cheeks flush. River had almost called her 'babe' and she realized that she probably still meant to him, certainly more than he wanted to admit to himself. "The loss of balance, it's recurrent but it's getting better," she began to explain, as if she hadn't heard his slip of the tongue. "Apart from the two years in a coma, the removal of the Relic led to quite a few complications. They had to remove part of my neural network and all my chrome to prevent me dying. The chrome lines on my face are the last vestiges of my old life. And since then, I've been relearning to live with a normal body, which sometimes leads to surprises like this, although I'd rather fall on your legs than on those of a gonk who makes me jump by putting his hand up my ass while I'm pouring him a drink at Coyote Cojo, or on... "

And V went on talking for a long time, during which the concern River already had for her couldn't help but grow. She stopped for a moment to ask him if she wasn't boring him with her logorrhea, but he sensed that she needed to exorcise her past. She had always been more expansive than he was, and, unlike him, she had always been able to express her feelings. At least with him, because he also knew that V trusted very few people.

So River listened to her, because that was all he could offer her, even if he wished he could have done more.

He listened with a smirk as she explained laughing with a laugh he'd missed so much, that fortunately for her she still had her gun and knives to defend herself when someone messed with her and that as long as she was at a distance, it was better to worry about those who wanted to attack her than about her.

He listened with relief when she told him that she had considered becoming a fixer but, after all that had already happened to her, she had preferred to live a quiet life.

He listened with emotion when she told him about Johnny and the guilt she felt at having sacrificed him for a life of solitude that no longer made any sense to her.

He listened, trembling, as she told him about a whole part of her life that he had never known about, although they were together at this time. V who had saved President Myers and worked for the FIA? In Dogtown? All because she'd been promised a miracle solution that had resulted in a two-year coma? He understood better why she hadn't wanted to say anything more when she'd sent him a text to say she was going away from Night City for a few days. A few days that had become an eternity. Yet he wasn't angry with her for hiding all this from him. She had done it to protect him, he knew, he had done the same with her when he had rejected her coldly three months earlier with terse explanations to make sure she wouldn't insist. And now that he knew the whole truth, he was all the more angry at himself for having done it.

"Are you still with me?" asked V in the face of River's blank look as he stared off into the distance.

"Yeah, yeah, still here," he replied, regaining his composure in the face of the torrent of emotion that had just come crashing down on him. "It's just... it's a lot to take in all at once, and you know I'm not the best at expressing how I feel but... Well, I'm sorry, V. I'm really sorry that I didn't realize anything and that I left you to deal with it on your own."

"You don't have to be sorry, Riv. It's on me. I did everything I could to hide it from you because you were already worried enough about Randy, about me, and I didn't want to add this extra burden. Besides, you know, I wasn't that lonely. I had my brainworm, and Alex and Reed. Not to mention the most important one to me at the time." V reached for the pendant around her neck and waved it at River. "You were there too, even if you didn't know it."

River almost choked to see that V still had the pendant he'd given her the day she'd had a dream catcher tattooed on her, telling him that this way, whatever happened, their love would be forever inked in her. This necklace, identical to his, he never thought he'd see again and yet there it was, right in front of him, around the neck of the woman who had meant so much to him that he'd given her his mother's pendant, explaining that his was his father's and that he wanted her to take it as a lucky charm so that it would guide her as his had always guided him. "Holy shit... So you still have it..." he struggled to articulate as all the good memories he had with V suddenly resurfaced.

"It's never left me. And who knows, maybe it's thanks to this lucky charm that we're having this conversation," laughed V, who had no idea that River was finding it increasingly difficult to suppress feelings he had chosen to forget. "That said, now that our love is in the past, I can give it back to you if you prefer. I'd understand. Actually, it's more Joss's..."

"No, keep it, please. Don't ask me why, just keep it, V."

"Okay, as you wish." A little surprised, V didn't insist, although she remained convinced that the pendant belonged to Joss. Then she realized what time it was. She had to ensure the opening of Coyote Cojo in the morning and she didn't have much time left to sleep if she wanted to be in a position to do so. "On that note, sorry to break the mood but I gotta go, Riv. So... Well, thanks for listening. I think I needed it. And if one day you finally decide you want to talk, or just fancy a drink with a choom, don't hesitate."

River stifled a nervous laugh. "Last time you said that to me was in the Chubby Buffalo parking lot and we both know how that turned out."

"On that same fucking water tower, yeah. But as far as I'm concerned, of all the stupid choices I've ever made, this is the only one I don't regret." V stood up as she stretched her tired muscles. "Still, you're probably right, we might as well not take that kind of risk, especially as I'm seriously thinking of leaving Night City. And even without that, you were right about one thing when I called you: you're not the same person, and that goes for me too, so... I guess Johnny the Wise wasn't entirely wrong: happy endings don't exist for people like us in this city."

V smiled one last time at River, whose face was still as dark as when she had arrived. It had gone better than she had expected, but the man she knew seemed to have effectively disappeared, much to her regret. All she could do now was hold on to the good memories and hope that he would eventually pull himself out of the mess he was in and get back to a decent life. Two years ago, she would have offered to help him, but she was no longer physically able to do so, and she would have been just another problem for him to deal with. Life had taken its toll and they had to keep moving forward, whatever the cost, even if it meant going their separate ways.

"V, wait" she heard behind her back as tears of both sadness and relief welled up in her eyes. Then she heard River move and take a few steps in her direction, while she stayed put, not looking back so he didn't see that she was holding back tears. And when she felt River's arms close around her, she let her back go against him without even thinking, even though she knew it was a mistake. "Thanks, babe. Thanks for everything you've done for me, including tonight," he whispered in her ear. "This fucking city may have broken us, but it can never take away what you and I had had. And also...if you want to leave Night City, do it without any question. Do it out before that monster eats you for good too. But do it knowing that there will always be someone in this city who loves you. It's just that he'll never be able to do it the way he used to."

It took V's breath away. She had expected anything but this. And sheltered in the arms that had always made her feel safe, even in her most difficult moments of doubt, she finally felt at home again. "For fuck's sake, Riv..." she breathed, her throat tightening. "Why did you ask me to stay if you were gonna make us come out even more fucked up?"

River's breathing became shorter against V's neck, and she felt his embrace squeeze her a little tighter. "I did it because I wanted us to leave on better terms than last time. And besides, I'd like to ask you one last favor so that we can end this chapter of our lives peacefully. I'd like you to let me kiss you one last time, V."

V then let her head fall back to offer her lips to River placed a tender kiss on it. A kiss full of sweetness and accompanied by the bittersweet taste of the love they still had for each other despite everything. A kiss that reminded them that whatever might happen to them, that despite the loneliness in which they both lived now, they could tell themselves that they had loved and been loved in return, which might allow them to move on with a lighter mind at last.

Then River released V and took a few steps backwards. "Goodbye, V. Take care."

"Just a goodbye? Not a farewell this time?" she smiled.

"Yeah, goodbye." he confirmed, rubbing his head nervously with his chrome hand. "Here or elsewhere, dunno what your plans are, but I have to admit that hearing from you from time to time, and knowing you're safe, is something I'd actually like."

"In that case, you'll have some," she reassured him as she approached him before rising on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Provided you give some too, Riv. If you want us to stay chooms, it's got to be give and take."

"You have my word, V" he promised, giving her one last hug.

And a few minutes later, as she pulled up to a crossroads at the wheel of her Mai-Mai, V was finally able to let out all the tears she'd been holding back since the day she'd called River, the first she'd thought of when she'd finally regained consciousness after two years cut off from the world.

Chapter Text

Kress Street... V would have preferred never to set foot in Dogtown again, let alone Kress Street. There were too many bad memories of that place, even though she would probably no longer be in this world if she had never known it. But events had come to a head over the last two days and brought her back to this very spot.

It had been three weeks since V and River had seen each other, and since then everything had been going well, at least for her. She was beginning to prepare to leave Night City for San Francisco, where Vik had found her a job as a receptionist at the Zetatech clinic where he worked. Obviously, V wasn't thrilled about working for a corpo, but the salary was decent, and Vik was looking for a flatmate so she'd have to pay less rent. So, on paper, the offer was tempting, and V had accepted until she could find something better. She even laughed at the irony of the situation, no longer being able to get implants and work for chrome suppliers.

For his part, River was still in the same trouble. The situation had even got worse since someone had hired mercs to shoot him. Who? Why? He had no idea. But whatever the reason, it had forced him to redouble his caution. The day before, he had even feared for his life so much that he had called V to hear her voice one last time, just in case. Of course, she knew right away that something was wrong and got him to talk, as she always had done when they were still a couple. And when he'd explained, she'd sent him the coordinates of the den in Kress Street that she'd used to hide the President of the N.U.S.A. "You're unlikely to come across the NCPD in Dogtown, and the mercs don't get in easily either, believe me," she'd told him. "Just gimme an hour to arrange things with Hands so YOU can get in through the front door. And once there, you lay low until tomorrow while I join you so we can figure out a solution to your fucking problem."

"Don't, V. You're no match for Dogtown anymore. Don't take risk for me," he had protested.

"I know I'm no match anymore That's why I need time to pick up some gear to equip myself. So keep a low profile and wait for me. End of discussion" she had insisted.

"On your orders, ma'am", he had finally relented. He had always been the more stubborn of the two, but in his situation, he didn't even have the strength to stand up to her anymore.

The lift doors opened in front of V and she pressed the button that would take her to the 8th floor. Despite her two-year absence, she could have sworn she'd been here not that long ago, especially as the building hadn't changed. Just as grimy, just as dilapidated, and just as ready to collapse. But these walls had protected President Myers for almost 24 hours from all the Barghest's armed forces, so an ex-badge on the run would be safe here for a while.

River barely reacted to the sound of the corrugated iron door opening. Absorbed in his phone, he seemed as worried as he was upset. V moved silently towards him and put her hand on his. "Bang! You're dead!" she exclaimed, making him jump. "Jeez, Ward, is this how you cover your ass? By scrolling through your fucking phone? What if it had been someone else?"

"My hearing's been sharp for a while now, and I recognized the sound of your footsteps as soon as you stepped out of the lift," retorted River, looking up at V. "You wearing bullet-proof now?"

V took a few steps to fetch a chair and then sat down facing River. "Yeah, I'm wearing bullet-proof. Not much choice now I don't have any built-in protection. And I'm thinking you might as well think about getting one yourself, unless you've finally decided to get a bit more chrome."

"No, still not, and you know that's never gonna happen," he growled, putting his phone away. Chrome had always been a sensitive subject between them. Yet he knew that she'd always been right when she told him that with his P.I. job he should get some, but his sickly fear of cyberpsychosis had always prevented him from doing so. "And the gun you keep on your hand? Is it because you're back on duty and here to shoot me, or are you planning to put it away?"

"No, it's because sometimes there are gonks who come and squat in the building, and I tend to be a lot more careful than I used to be," replied V, putting her gun away in front of River, who was giving her the big eye. "Yeah, I know, don't look at me like that. I told you the place was safe, and it is. The guys I'm talking about wouldn't have been a match for you. So you can stop pouting."

"I'm not pouting, V," River sighed, settling back in his seat with his arms crossed. "But yeah, sorry, I know I'm not the nicest right now. It's just that... I was talking to Joss just before you arrived. It didn't go well because she's worried sick for me and... well, I'm lost. I just wish it would all fucking stop because I'm so exhausting, V. I can't even think straight anymore and I'm starting to make mistakes. Mistakes that are forcing me to hide out in Dogtown and that are gonna get me zeroed."

"Take a breath, Riv." V leaned forward to place a reassuring hand on his thigh. "I know what it's like to be stuck in a tunnel you don't see the end, and that's why I'm here: to help you find the light at the end. So it'll take as long as it takes, but won't let you down until we find a solution, OK?"

"Ok and... thanks." River took V's hand between his to bring it to his lips and kiss it. "It's good to know I still have at least one person I can rely on. Still, you don't have to fix my mistakes, you know."

"I know," she confirmed as she retrieved her hand, her cheeks on fire. "But in case you forgot my last texts, I remind you that I'm leaving Night City soon, and do you really think I could leave with peace of mind knowing that you could been zeroed at any moment?"

River remained silent and gazed into V's eyes with a look of gratitude. He still knew why he had fallen in love with her when he met her, but if he'd have forgotten, this moment would have reminded him. Once again, she was helping him when he was close to the edge, and once again, she was taking the time to listen to him and reassure him. And above all, he no longer felt alone. When V was with him, everything was much more bearable.

The next few hours were a long succession of hypotheses, conjectures and 'what if?' V and River explored every possible option. Unfortunately, each solution brought a new problem that was even less solvable. The NCPD had even become the least of River's worries when a call from V to Rogue told them that he had alienated both the Tyger Claws and the Animals since agreeing to track key members of both gangs on behalf of 6th Street. The targets had been missed by his clients, and both gangs had since vowed to kill everyone involved, including River, which explained why he'd ended up with a bounty on his head and mercs up his arse. Unfortunately, the mercs in question were not affiliated either to Afterlife or to any other fixer that V might have known of and who might have been able to intervene.

By nightfall, it was clear: they had reached an impasse. V, who no longer had as many trump cards up her sleeve as before, had played them all. And it enraged her not to be able to do more. She paced back and forth across the room, not sure whether she wanted to punch River in the face for getting himself into such a mess or hug him and enjoy his presence while she still could. At the rate things had been getting, it was almost a miracle he was still alive. "Seriously, Riv! I thought I'd set the bar high by getting ALL Arasaka on me because of that fucking Relic, but you've got me beat with your bullshit!" she snapped as River stood in front of what must have been a bay window, staring dejectedly at the horizon.

"I'm well aware of that, V, and you can't imagine how I blame myself..." he sighed.

Then the room fell into silence for long minutes, disturbed only by the sound of V's nervous footsteps. Long minutes during which she struggled not to burst into tears at the thought that River was certainly going to disappear from her life for good. They might only be chooms now, but her feelings for him were as strong as before and she refused to accept the possibility of losing him. Not after they'd already lost each other once. Not after fate had allowed them to find each other despite everything. She wanted to be there for him as he had been there for her when Johnny was eating her brain.

"Come to think of it, there's one last option we haven't considered," River suddenly said, turning to V.

She froze in place. "What option?"

" Yours, V. Leave. To leave Night City and watch it burn from afar," he replied with a glimmer of hope in his eye.

"I thought that was out of the question? That you didn't want to leave Joss and the kids behind?" gasped V. They'd had this discussion once or twice before, when after making love, they were fantasizing about a life together. V had told River that the Aldecaldos were in to welcome them into their family if they felt like moving on and leaving their bad memories behind. River's answer had been clear: while he understood that V might want to leave and would support her in whatever she decided, he would never leave Night City.

"Still the case," River replied, before sitting down in a chair and staring at the floor. "But I gotta stop kidding myself. The argument I was having with Joss when you arrived was even about that, hence my bad mood. She's been telling me to leave for months now, and I know she's right. I've always wanted to stay and protect her and her kids, but... I'm the biggest danger to them if I stay. You and I both know how this works, V. If these bastards can't get to me, they'll come after my family to force me out of my hole. So leaving is the only solution."

It took V's breath away, more because he hadn't said anything about it so far than because he was so desperate that he was considering doing what he'd always refused to do. "For fuck's sake, Riv... Couldn't you have mentioned this earlier, rather than wasting our time?"

"Spending time with you, I wouldn't call that wasting my time..." he insinuated, raising an eyebrow in the direction of V, who rolled her eyes. "But yeah, sorry. If I didn't say so before, it's because this solution has two major problems. Firstly, I'd have to manage to get out of the city knowing that the roads were probably more or less being watched."

"Between the Claws, the Animals and the NCPD, gonna be hard, for sure " confirmed V, grabbing a chair to sit opposite River. "But we know the streets of this city by heart, Riv, so it's not impossible either. But you said two problems. What's the second?"

River's face then suddenly darkened. "It's that the people I want to protect by doing this will be the first in line of fire if I do it. To make sure they leave Joss alone, they have to think I'm dead. Otherwise, we always come back to the risk that they'll go after her to make me come back. Except that unfortunately I have no idea how to fake a convincing death as things stand, because an anonymous death won't have any impact. What we need is a death that's on the news so that people know about it. Then we can be sure that my family is safe."

V got to her feet and started pacing again, thinking. They finally had a solid solution, now they just had to work out how to implement it. She took her phone out of her pocket to send a text and five minutes later she received a call. And when she winked at him, River immediately realized that V might not have exhausted all her resources. Intrigued, he got up and leaned against the wall next to her to listen to the conversation.

"- Hi Reed!

- To what do I owe the honor of a text asking me to call you back urgently, V?

- Let's just say I need a expert opinion on a tricky subject right away.

- So this isn't to tell me you're taking the job at Langley I offered you. Shame, I could do with a bit of company in the middle of all these paper-pushers.

- Uh, really? You must miss the battlefield to want a colleague like me.

- Not really, no. I did my time. But I think I'd rather still be a bouncer than doing files all day for boring bureaucrats. Anyway, what can I do for you?

- Well, do you by any chance know how to fake a death? Like, a death everyone's talking about?

- It depends. To answer your question, I'd already need to know why you want people to think you're dead.

- Not me, a choom who's in a shit storm.

- Oh... And does this 'choom’ have a name?

- River Ward. He's ex...

- ...NCPD and he seems to know how to bring trouble on himself, indeed. And before you ask, yes I'm at the office in front of my computer, and I'm reading his file.

-  Wait… The FIA has a file on River?!

- Of course we have, V. Your friend sold NCPD's confidential data to a big corpo, that was bound to catch our attention. And not just ours, apparently.

- I confirm. But he did it for a good reason, and I'm not gonna learn you that the most laudable intentions often end in disaster, right?

- Right. But were his intentions really that laudable?

- As good as yours towards So Mi, only to end up with a situation that slipped through your fingers. To a lesser extent, I grant you, but I can assure you that if he could have done otherwise, he'd have.

- You must really care about him for you to play the So Mi card.

-  Yeah, I do. And he needs help and you of all people should know that I'm not nearly as useful as I used to be. So the opinion of someone with your experience wouldn't go amiss.

- Hmm... I think I owe you that much. Ok, what's your plan?

- Make him look dead and get him out of city so the assholes who want to kill him stop sticking to his ass.

- And where is he now?

- With me, in Dogtown. In Kress Street den.

- The V.I.P.s safehouse? Good choice. And in that case, get yourself some food and drink for a few days and stay there watching the news, I'll make sure you both hear from him soon. And once done, I'll come and get you and we'll talk together about what's next.

- Are you serious? Wow, thanks Reed, I didn't expect that much from you.

- I'm doing this because I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I've lost enough people as it is. See ya, V."

When the call was over, River walked away and collapsed on an old mattress before his legs gave way beneath him. If V's friend had been telling the truth, it meant that in a few days he would finally be out of the woods. After all these months on the run from a threat that could come from anywhere at any time, it all seemed almost unreal, and he found it hard to believe.

Seeing that River wasn't quite in the mood, V decided to let him breathe a little and regain his composure. "Riv... I’m gonna go and do some shopping. As I understand it, we're gonna be stuck here for a few days and..."

"You don't have to stay, V," he interrupted her without even looking at her as she prepared to leave. "I mean, I want you to stay, but you have your own life to live, and I don't want you to stop living it for me."

"My life is here and with you right now," she retorted, closing the door behind her so as not to give him time to reply.

*****

V returned an hour later to find River exactly where she had left him. She placed two bags full of food and drink on a table, then got rid of her bullet-proof to make herself a little more comfortable. River remained silent, but she realized that his face had softened, especially when their eyes met and he smirked.

As a precaution, she then took a look at the generator to make sure they would have electricity, if only to watch then news on TV, and was pleased to see that it wouldn't be another problem to deal with.

River's voice was finally heard as V returned to the main room. "This Reed? Apart from being an FIA agent, who exactly is he to you?"

"A friend, I guess," replied V, not quite sure, as she cleared a table and improvised a kitchen area for them. Reed had always had an air of mystery about him and she had never been able to read him fully. "But nothing ever happened between him and me, if that's what you're asking."

"No, that wasn't the question. And even if it was, what does it matter now?" lied River, who was actually relieved at this answer. "You don't owe me anything, V, you're free to date whoever you want. I'm not the possessive type of ex, don't worry."

"I wasn't really worried about that, but it's always good to know," she shrugged before rummaging through one of the shopping bags. "Do you want something to drink or eat?"

"What I'd really like is for you to stop fidgeting and come and sit with me," River replied, smiling at her. "I think I need someone next to me to make sure I'm not dreaming."

V then put down the can of Real Water she was about to drink to join him, and she pinched his cheek once beside him. "I assure you this isn't a dream, Riv".

"Oh yeah? You sure?" He moved closer to V to anchor his gaze in hers. "Because from my point of view, after all these months of hardship, to know that I'm almost out of all this shit thanks to the one who still means the most to me, and that on top of that she's gonna stay here with me for as long as it takes to make sure that everything will work out for me afterwards, sounds like a fucking dream, V."

With blushed cheeks and butterflies in her stomach, V snuggled up to River, who reflexively threw his arms around her. "And yet it's not one, Riv. Now all we have to do is find something to keep our minds busy while we wait for Reed to come and get us."

"I've got a few ideas but... I think it’s better they'll remain dreams," River smiled, bringing his face closer and closer to V's, who was biting her lower lip.

"And why not make them a reality…?” she murmured, moistening her lips.

Time then suspended its flight for a timid kiss, followed by a second, more assertive one and a third as passionate as their very first kiss, during which their tongues mingled for long minutes. A carnal, greedy kiss that reminded their respective taste and made their bodies naturally call to each other.

"Before we go any further, I need to know, V." River picked himself up for a moment. "What are we gonna do of us after this? I mean, I don't wanna be the one who screw your plans. I'm not worth it anymore."

"Do you really think that working for Zetatech is what I want?" replied V, as she made fallen River's coat over his shoulders without him showing the slightest sign of protest. Then she slipped her hands under his tank top so that she could finally feel his skin again, shivering beneath her fingers. "Shut the fuck up and enjoy the moment, Officer. As for the rest, we'll see where life takes us. No matter where, no matter how, as long as it's with you, that's all I need."

"And I don't need any more either, babe," River concludes before removing V's top and kissing every inch of skin on her neck.

-THE END-