Chapter Text
November, 1978
There were many things Regulus was certain in life.
He knew that the role of the Black heir was a difficult one and that it laid in his shoulders since the day Sirius decided to leave him to go live with Potter. He knew that his parents cared about them, and that in their hideous hearts they believed they loved their children, even after all they forced them to endure.
And he knew that besides Kreacher, the only person who actually cared about him in his entirety, not only by his title of what he may become, but about him as a person, was Selene. In other times he would have said that that title belonged to his brother, long gone were those fantasies.
He also knew that he had killed the only family of the woman he loved, and as ridiculous as the fact was, that same woman also loved him back. But love was not unconditional, he knew that.
He hadn’t dared to tell her, he was certain of her love for him yet her reaction to the news terrified him to death.
As much as she loved him, could she forgive him? Selene had never been a forgiving person, with the sole exception of Evans, he couldn’t recall any moment that she hadn’t held a grudge to the ones who wronged her.
Could he also be an exception to that rule?
He didn’t know. His sins were too sinister to ask for forgiveness.
Yet, one thing he couldn’t understand for the life of him was the silence of the Dark Lord about what happened. He had maintained quiet from that day, months passed since, yet it made no sense that he made him do that and then never act upon it.
Regulus tried to ignore what he’d done, but it came back to him to slap him right on the face.
“We went to Snape’s house” Sirius spilled out after several minutes of uncomfortable silence. He had travelled to Hogsmeade the exact same day Regulus was meant to go to the small town. He doubted it was a coincidence.
They met on the road and his older brother asked him to accompany him. He just complied.
“May I ask why?”
After a meditative silence he answered “Her mum showed up on Lily’s doorstep one night, and it freaked her out a little. So we sent some letters to her to check if she was alright, she never replied.” Sirius tone was uninterested, yet Regulus knew his brother, the crease in his brow deepened whilst talking about it, and he started to play with the dessert in front of him, something made of chocolate.“That’s why I wrote to you”
“Ah.” He hadn’t known the reason, yet assumed it was because of Evans. However the whole picture started to make him uncomfortable, his right leg started bouncing under the table, once he noticed it he dug his nails into his thigh, the light fabric of his trousers barely contained the gesture, and the pain made him focus.
“They were killed”
“Who was?”
“Snape’s parents.” His eyes became distant, pained. “We were the ones to discover the bodies, it was such a mess.”
Regulus inhaled, nervous. His reaction could be mistaken as the horrific realisation of someone’s death. Sirius looked ashamed, for what? he couldn’t tell.“What did you do?”
“We called Dumbledore, and he told us he would handle it. But I guess they have no idea who did it since he hadn’t updated us on it. I don’t think the magic world is too interested in the death of two unknown muggles.”
He gulped, uncomfortable. He didn’t know if it was correct feeling relief under such terrible news. But it meant they weren’t searching for him. How long until Selene realises the death of her parents? How long until she ties the unravelled knots and comes to the conclusion of his involvement in it? She would be mad, awfully so. Would she be mad because of his doings or because he didn’t confess to her? “Why are you telling me this?”
“Lily asked me to. She wants for you to tell Snape what happened, and if she could, you know, write to her. She really misses her.”
A scream died on his throat.
Certainly not.
One of the things that scared him the most was Selene’s relationship with Lily Evans. It was too powerful, too deep for him or anyone else to understand. Selene would never forsake Evans, no matter what she would have done. She held such a profound place in her heart that Regulus feared nothing she'd ever feel for him would ever compare it.
That’s why he had intervened, that’s why he made sure for them to stay apart. For every longing gaze directed towards his Selene he’ll get in the way, for every attempt for them to talk he would make sure for it to be impossible. That’s why he had intercepted Evan’s letters.
Selene believed herself abandoned by her friend, yet he knew that if she were given barely an ounce of affection she'd run back into Evans.
And now they knew what had been tormenting him, what he most desperately needed to hide from his lover.
How could he let it be? To let them reconcile and then forsake him?
“I’ll tell her”
“Good. Thank you, Reggy” His smile was genuine, years went by without seeing such a visage on Sirius’ face directed to him, it did not last, soon the wide smile became suspicious, a frown forming between his eyes. They had never looked the same, they could be mistaken from afar, but once anyone would face them, the difference between each was evident. Regulus was always shorter, smaller in so many ways that didn’t encircle only the physical world. He had always been the coward between the two, the ugly one, the not so sharp one, the one to defend and couldn’t defend himself, but those eyes on Sirius face were exactly the same as his, the exact same colour, the same shape. They could be mistaken, Regulus wouldn't even distinguish his eyes from Sirius’ if they were told to do so. “How did your letters reach her but not ours?” Sirius’ raspy voice was filled with confusion, not accusation yet Regulus, as paranoid as he felt, did not take it lightly. It would have been a mistake to respond, he’ll talk too much trying to defend himself. He took a sip of the unsweetened tea he was holding, often sugar ruined the true taste of things. “You’re not going to tell me where she is?”
The sound of the cup meeting the plate resonated through the room, there weren’t many people on the Three Broomsticks, way too early for anyone but the usual alcoholics to come to drink, and most of the students were still buying stuff from the other places, not stopping for an appetiser just yet. “Good guess… It’s not my decision to make. If Selene wants to continue hidden from all of you, so be it.”
“You know Lily means no harm.”
“And what about you? Why are you so involved in all of this?”
The frown on Sirius’ brows became deeper, his face contouring in a way that he appeared way too similar to their mother when she was mad about something, anything. “Lily asked me to”
“Is that all there is?”
“What else would it be?”
“You tell me.”
“I don’t understand what you are insinuating.” But he did, Sirius was never great hiding his emotions, not even if he tried not to show them. He avoided his eyes, looking outside through the window, a couple of young students passed by screaming and laughing their cheeks red in excitement. Just as red as Sirius' cheeks turned to.
“Nothing, I just want you to tell me the truth”
“What truth?” He became angry again, holding the handle of the glass tightly. “I mean no harm to Snape! Don’t you trust me?”
“How could I? You abandoned me.” His words escaped from his mouth before he had the chance to shut himself. Ashamed Regulus looked away.
“I didn’t! That poor excuse we have for a mother kicked me out!”
“She had her reasons to!”
“And do you agree with her?”
“Of course not! But you could endure them! You left me alone because you wanted an easy life with Potter! You abandoned me, Sirius! You abandoned your brother!” “And then you paraded around Oh so happily with him, calling him your brother! You already had one. You had me!” “I’m sorry I was not enough for you to stay.”
Regulus was leaving, crossing the door when Sirius' voice stopped him in his tracks.
“That’s why you pursued her?” His voice was soft, barely above a whisper, yet it reached him. The few clientele in the premise fell silent as their discussion began, Regulus didn’t worry about them, nor did Sirius. They were just drunks anyway.
“What?”
“That’s why you went after her, because you wanted revenge on me?”b
Regulus wanted to laugh, desperately, how ridiculous that notion was? Has anyone ever going to believe his feelings for his Selene? First his parents, thinking she had trapped him in some way, then Lucius, who believed Regulus only had her around because it was convenient, next Narcissa, who concluded on her own that Selene was nothing but his concubine. And now Sirius, who in his own delusion deemed his brother’s feelings fake and his actions pursuing only to cause him pain. Had he no free will for them? “Not everything revolves around you, Sirius. My feelings for Selene were always there.” “Me being able to understand my emotions had nothing to do with you rejecting yours.”
—
June, 1979
While the Dark Lord carried his always charming smiles, smiles that never reach his eyes, the serpent on his side maintained her cold demeanour to anyone who dared to stand close to her. She didn’t even change her stone-like gaze when looking back at her master, surprisingly so, he did change the gleam in his eyes when looking at her.
Regulus didn’t dare to say a thing about his arm around her waist, not a single comment on the way he was parading her around like a golden prize. All proud and tall showing off his newest acquisition, a beautiful young woman in a black gown, her slim waist surrounded by his arm, fingers tightly clutched on the narrow bone of her hip.
He did not feel jealousy, that Selene Snape Voldemort was so blissfully holding was not his Selene.
This was the shell, the armour she used to endure such situations, this was not the Selene who smiled gleefully just at the sight of him, the one who’s cheeks would colour in pink when called beautiful, nor the one who looked at him straight into the eyes to make any mundane comment, the one who laughed at his poor Dumbledore’s imitation.
This was not her, and he could never have her.
Yet he was scared.
That type of attention was nothing but undesirable, because he knew what it meant; everyone at present knew what it meant. Evan Rosier gave him a condescending smile from afar, it burned his insides.
The dark lord desired her, if not carnally then her usefulness is what drove him.
And the man who did not believe himself a man, alarmed him.
But that was just an awful memory of what both had endured during the Yule celebration, mere days after their lovely encounters.
Regulus was visiting Hogsmeade, alone. He had long distanced himself from his classmates. He did not enjoy these outings, he did not enjoy Hogwarts at all. At least, not anymore.
How joyous times he spent at the side of Selene, convincing her to let him buy her things, to walk around the stores, to have that awful tasting beer Sirius loved so much.
Those were their dates, how nostalgic they seemed now.
It became harder and harder to enjoy anything with her absence so present. To not be able to extend his hand and caress her palm, to turn his head and not see those pretty eyes she had, that silky hair that when around him she carried it up. For so long she covered herself with it, but in those jolly days they spent next to each other she didn’t feel the need to.
She gave in to him, completely.
And now, all felt like emptiness without her.
How many months had passed since he had last seen her? Way too much.
In a week it’ll be his birthday. Another occasion to be without her.
July, 1979
That porcelain flesh.
He’d become obsessed with her, with the way she walked, how her stern hips balanced around with an Oh so subtle motion. With the way her hair fell down her face, keeping it covered from outsiders, of how her slim hands didn’t hesitate when cutting anything, or the way her eyes seemed to drown him in them.
But he was more enthralled by her sweet indisposition to him.
She never gave in, no matter how terrified he made her, she never showed it.
He imagined it was because of her upbringing, it did not care now. Now it was for him.
She did not hesitate to avoid his contact, to distance herself from him at his mere presence. It made him ravenous.
He liked observing her while she worked, always so focused on the tasks at hand that she paid no mind to the older man next to her. If he dared to touch her there, in the nape of her neck whilst she tilted her head forward to look into the cauldron she would even dare to smack his hand away.
“Please do not distract me, my lord” Would be all she’ll say.
And he’ll laugh it off. Truly she was hilarious.
If it were anyone but her they’d be already dead.
But this was Selene. His precious Selene.
At the beginning, many months ago, his interest for the young girl appeared to be only because of her brilliance. She prepared potions and elixirs with impeccable haste, improved the potions and even created some.
Thanks to her, the wolfsbane potion had become a complete success and the possibility of recruiting werewolves all across the world had become a success.
Domocles Belby took his time in completing the right recipe, his life went by with his incompetence.
Her brilliance stirred something within him, that only fuelled when he laid his eyes into hers.
He was an extremely occupied man, yet in his free time he spent it patronising her. And yet, he knew it wasn’t just because of her brilliance, yes- She had become vital for him, for his goal, but it was because of the resemblance of himself he saw on her, the same type of superior talent trapped in a life of misery. But he had something she had not, she lacked the social skill he so obviously excelled at. He’ll teach her, he didn’t mind.
He had been so enthralled by her company, that he almost forgot about the young pup following her around. So, it came as a surprise when the youngest Black appeared on his door to ask for her hand in marriage. Not because he believed the child did not have feelings for her anymore, but because he guessed the young Black would be smart enough to retrieve his conviction and depart from her life. Apparently he had overestimated his intelligence.
Orion Black decided to speak directly to the Dark Lord in order to make his son come back to his senses.
As Regulus expected, his parents were not the most enthusiastic when he told them about maintaining his relationship with Selene. However, they did not force him to abandon his lineage as they did with Sirius when he left their home, even if Regulus’ “crime” was much worse in the eyes of pure-blooded families. The reason behind it probably was the knowledge of Selene’s current position in the ranks of lord Voldemort.
Nevertheless, Regulus was completely aware that his father’s decision to search for his commander’s opinion on the subject was not actually his. Lord Voldemort must have implanted the idea in Orion’s soft mind.
The man’s attention on his soon to be spouse only angered him. Even if Regulus considered himself a pacific man, the type of man who values logic and sense over violent impulses, every time his eyes laid upon the other man’s face, he wanted to punch him. The urge was almost unbearable at times, to the point his hands vibrated in expectation.
And this time was no different.
He guessed he was more alike to Sirius than he ever expected.
Now, his fists grew warm as he entered his Lord’s office.
An obnoxious expression was painted on the man’s face. His cousin Bella would call it “charming”, Regulus considered it revolting. That smile he wore had a single purpose, to disarm anyone who dared to be in his presence. To reassure his superiority as the incomparable Dark Lord, the one no one could rise a word against.
“Ah! Orion! Good morning, I have to admit that I expected you to be here sooner” His melodic voice did not hide his disgust for the pair being late, and they noticed it.
“Forgive me, my lord. We had some issues with my wife and-
“No need to excuse yourself. Tell me what you came to say”.
“Ah! Yes.” Orion cleared his throat before speaking “I wanted to consult you directly about an important problem in my family.” Orion Black straightened, trying to look composed; his face covered in sweat was not helpful. “You see… My son here is in that age of revelry, he does not want to listen to us when it comes to important business, that is the reason why he betrothed himself to a woman we are not pleased with… My intention today is for you to talk to him, so he can regain some sense”.
The lord’s eyes were fixed on Regulus’. His intense gaze caused the young man’s insides to revolve restlessly.
“Who is this woman?”
He dared to ask as he wouldn’t already know.
“Your potion mistress, sir. Selene Snape” Regulus answered without hesitation.
“Ah, Miss Snape” He grinned and put his index finger over his lips as if pondering on the implications this union could have. However, Regulus knew it was just an act. “If I am honest with you, Orion. I do not consider Miss Snape to be an issue at all. She might be one of the most important members of our… Society”.
“My lord, I- I do not intend to contradict you, but- Half-bloods, as smart and attractive as they could be, are not wife material, I mean- I would not mind if Regulus use her as his side- As his mistress. But a wife is something completely different”.
If Lord Voldemort wanted to hide his disgust for the man’s words he completely failed. A scowl presented between his thick brows, and he looked at the head of the Black family like he was a drunk, hideous being, an useless worm that believed itself more capable than it was.
His expression did not change when he started to speak “Maybe you see this union as disadvantageous considering the lady’s ‘condition’, but if it helps to ease your mind, I must inform you that Miss Snape is one of the remaining members of the Prince family, an ancient pure-blood family, if you are not aware about their existence. It might elevate your son’s reputation, considering that his position as heir could easily be broken if your runaway son ever returns to you.” His hand pointed at Regulus and his voice was filled with mockery, as he treating Orion as if he were no smarter than a child “Although, I am deeply concerned about the lack of thought you gave to this matter, I always assumed you were smart enough to see an alliance when it was within your reach- I might have overestimated you… What a pity”.The man stood up from his chair, he hid his arms behind his back as he started to walk around. “I give your son my blessing to marry Selene Snape. I will also be entitled to favour him over the rest after the wedding is celebrated.” He turned around, facing the large window placed in his studio “You are dismissed now”.
Father and son started to depart from the room but were quickly stopped by the lord’s words “Young Regulus, stay. I need to discuss something else with you”.
Orion Black did not doubt in leaving his son alone with their master, he already angered him this day, another imposition could be tempting fate.
“My lord” Regulus greeted.
The older man did not turn to look at him for a long moment. “I presume that you are aware of how fond of your fiancé I am” He did not wait for an answer, but Regulus inclined his head in response even if the man wasn’t looking at him. “Then you must know how disappointed I was when I discovered that my dear Selene was betrothed to another… So much talent wasted, why do women feel the need to engage to the first man that approaches them? It will always be beyond my comprehension. “He then turned around, a mocking smile planted on his lips, his amusement reached his eyes. “Either way, I must ask you. What is the reason why you decided to choose a poor half-blood as your partner?”
It was a trick, he knew. What answer did the man want? The truth? The truth is that he loved her, desperately so, yet the future with her seemed so uncertain, so far out of his reach that in his wretched desperation he even asked the monster in front of him for the opportunity of a life with her. His parents will never allow it, and Selene would resent herself for separating him from them. The least he wanted was for her to feel forlorn just by staying with him.
But could he tell him that? To open his heart so freely to a sadist such as this? No, he would never allow him to have that much power.
“Selene and I have known each other since my first day at Hogwarts. Since then she took me under her wing and took care of me. I do not wish to marry a cousin I despise, and I do not intend to marry someone who I barely know and probably will hate. Selene is a smart and funny woman, and as friends any type of relationship further that would be pleasant. When I asked for her hand in marriage I only did it to arrange my future in the most suitable way for myself”.
The lord’s smile widened, and Regulus knew he made a mistake. “I am glad you answered so honestly, young Regulus.” He licked his lips, as he was savouring something.
Regulus started to tremble, he felt as if he was just punched in his belly, the bile threatened to escape his throat.
“Given your insight on the matter, young Black. I would like to make a proposal to you” The man’s eyes were sparkling, filled with excitement. “If I were to give you my blessing, I would like something in return, after all, what is more valuable than ‘a suitable future’? You will have my blessing? Yes. But after the wedding, the very night of it, you are to let me consummate your marriage. A droit du seigneur you could call it.” Brown eyes met grey, he waited for a rebellious act, for Regulus to challenge him, or his complete submission. Regulus could not sort if his master words were for him alone, for the man’s obsession for his betrothed, or if there was more behind it. “Do we have an agreement, Regulus?” For the first time on the day he called him by his name, only to prove the power he bestowed upon it.
The mere thought of him laying a hand upon Selene’s skin sickened him, making his insides tremble. Cold sweat ran down his spine, yet his face gave no sign of distress.
‘Slytherin to the bone’ Sirius used to call him; Regulus never felt more grateful for his brother being correct.
The dark lord extended his hand to him, and the younger man did not hesitate. They shook hands as if their agreement were no more than mundane.
The older man could not hold the smirk claiming his face. As ridiculous as it might sound, or maybe not so much given the situation, Regulus thought that that was the look of a man who had just conquered the world.
As soon as he left the room, Regulus vomited. He felt so sickened that even throwing all his insides to the big carpet crossing the hall he did not feel relief.
With a quick flick of his hand, he cleaned his own mess and flew away.
He strongly believed that being surrounded by Selene’s arms would make him feel better, she, with her soft and deep voice, would fade away all his worries. But how could he? How could he ever face her again after what he just agreed to?