Chapter Text
His head resting on his hand gently, Baxter stared at the calming waves of the ocean. While he’d never been the ocean’s biggest fan but even he could appreciate how soothing watching the waves crash against the shore was. Truthfully, this was as close to the ocean as Baxter was comfortable getting. Tonight, he was taking in the view from the safety of a beautiful seafood restaurant that his newest clients had chosen.
Typically, Baxter avoided anything ocean related - even seafood - as though the ocean had offended him. Baxter sighed softly. Now wasn’t the time to let his mind wonder down that path when he had new clients to help.
A waitress sat a black coffee in front of Baxter, and he nodded politely at her. He allowed himself a minute to refocus on the task at hand. Baxter considered what he knew about the newest soon to be wedded couple. Jude Eckert and Scott Adam. From the conversation he’d had with Scott on the phone, the couple had wanted to do as much as the wedding preparation themselves as they could. Now, it was down to the wire and there was a mountain of work to climb. They had already reached out to a few other wedding planners - all of which Baxter knew professionally and had been turned down. Having always enjoyed the thrill of a challenged and with no small amount of empathy for their situation, Baxter had agreed to take them on. Trying to put on a wedding yourself was a herculean task, and Baxter applauded them for even attempting it. The important thing now was to find out what they’d done and what was left to do, as well as trying to understand them as a couple.
Baxter was confident that despite the challenge, he was more than capable of taking on the task and giving the couple the wedding of their dreams. Not only that, it would be a rather spectacular arrow to his bow and would provide that extra boost of confidence to future clients that he could deliver for them. Nothing quite said ‘let me take care of your wedding’ then being able to say ‘I planned a whole wedding in less than a week’ and having every word be true.
Then, of course, was the secret, third reason he’d agreed to help them. Eckert. Baxter had had the pleasure of meeting a great many people in his young life, and the Eckert surname stood out as one he’d rarely heard. The only other Eckert he’d met was Miranda Eckert.
He closed his eyes at remembering her name., a smile tugging at his lips. Miranda, Terry, and Cove - the wonderful people he had met five summers ago in Sunset Bird. Baxter had never returned to Sunset Bird, the small coastal town that lived in the shadow of Prism Vista City here in SoCal. The town was a mere twenty or so minute drive from where he lived and worked and yet the nerve to drive out there had failed him. There was one member of the friend group that Baxter refused to acknowledge for his own sake. It was that same person that made him want to avoid the ocean and everything that came with it.
Thayer Harrington.
No. He wasn’t here to dwell on the past. Memories of Thayer lived too close to the surface on a regular day. It would not do to have those same memories invade the way he helped Jude and Scott. It would be unprofessional and unhelpful. The chances of Jude Eckert and Miranda Eckert being related to or even knowing each other were slim. California was a large state and hundreds of thousands of people travelled through the state on a daily basis. The statics were on Baxter’s side of those two people being complete strangers to one another.
If he was being honest with himself - working with Miranda’s brother would be a blessing and a curse. A blessing because he had already met and liked Miranda immensely and there was little doubt she would be heavily involved in helping with the wedding preparation. The downside to that was Miranda was one of Thayer’s best friends and one of the last people Baxter had spoken to before he’d left Sunset Bird five years prior. It was unlikely Miranda would take to Baxter being around kindly, considering what he’d done. Miranda, being Jude’s sister was would complicate things and possibly end up with him being fired from the job before it had even begun.
Baxter forcibly pushed those worries to one side as he spotted a group of people walking towards the large corner table he’d been seated at. Jude and Scott had quickly introduced themselves when Baxter had first arrived, before hurrying out to the front of the restaurant to await the arrival of the wedding party that would be assisting them this week.
He turned to face the group, ready to greet them properly, when he felt his smile freeze in place. Behind Jude and Scott were at least two more people - possibly a third that was hidden just out of sight, bringing up the rear. Miranda’s curly brown hair was unmistakable.
Reaching the table, Jude began the introductions. “So this is the team,” he waved a hand at the group. “My sister, her boyfriend, and her friend.”
Baxter inclined his head politely to each of the new arrivals. “Of course, you are the delightful older brother of Miranda’s. Why wouldn’t you be?”
The universe hated him. It was clear to Baxter now. It would’ve been so easy for the statistics to have been on his side, but no, the universe had it have its way and now, after five years, stood Miranda Eckert. Though, it seemed as though Baxter was not as memorable as he’d thought. There was a quick huddle as Jude questioned how he knew Miranda, and Miranda tried to place the stranger in front of her.
“ Baxter. ”
That voice. Before he was conscious of what he was doing, Baxter had slammed his hands onto the table and launched himself out of his seat, his head whipping around to face the voice he had tried so hard to forget.
Thayer stood, hidden slightly behind Terry. A complex web of emotions ran over Thayer’s face in micro seconds - shock, hurt, betrayal.
And it was incredibly Thayer. He was five years older, and his hair was styled differently, but it was still unquestioningly him. Thayer hadn’t changed much in the past five years. His smile was still charming and easygoing, his eyes as warm and friendly as ever. He looked tired, however, and Baxter wondered how far he had travelled to be here.
“I -,” Baxter opened his mouth to speak - unsure of what to say or even how to say it.
He didn’t get a chance, though. As soon as he’d spoken, Thayer had turned and walked away. Not that Baxter blamed him. There were shouts - Terry maybe - and then Miranda and Terry were chasing after Thayer. Jude stayed long enough to give Baxter a questioning look, clearly confused as to what was going on before he too left, Scott not far behind him.
Baxter let a long, low breath. The universe didn’t hate him - it despised him. Miranda and Jude being related was one thing, but Thayer - that was - he was -. Straightening his jacket, Baxter willed his racing heart to slow down to normal. Working with Thayer was not something he had planned for, nor was it ideal, but he could overcome this.
Minutes passed. Baxter continued to stand awkwardly at the table, on hand tucked into his pants pocket as he tried to project an air of self assuredness around himself. Ignoring the curious glancing thrown his way by the restaurants over guests, Baxter kept his gaze fixed on the space where the soon to be newlyweds would hopefully reappear. He checked his phone - there was always the chance that Jude and Scott, sensing the trouble his presence would cause would not want to continue working with him and simply leave.
Eventually, mercifully, the group made its way back to the table. Miranda and Terry’s expressions had changed. Now that they had remembered who he was, neither of them looked entirely happy to see him again.
“This is -,” Baxter paused, choosing his words with great care. “A truly unexpected coincidence.”
He couldn’t stop looking at Thayer. Couldn’t tear his eyes aways from the dark-skinned man that had so thoroughly seen through all his bullshit and cared for him, anyway . It was ridiculous. Now Baxter had started talking, he couldn’t stop. Words poured from his mouth like a fountain. He needed to put a professional wall up as quickly as he could and then reinforce that wall with diamond hard concrete. The more walls he could put up now, the better. He was a professional damnit.
Miranda was speaking now, praising him. Baxter wasn’t quite sure what to make of that, but also wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“Thank you for the praise,” he said, trying to make his word sound as earnest and truthful as he felt. “I would be glad to.”
He found strength in Miranda’s words. Baxter could finally pull his eyes away from Thayer. Scott and Jude still looked utterly confused at what was happening. Terry’s face was carefully blank, his posture was like someone that was ready to protect his girlfriend or friend if needed. For now, the matter seemed to be settled and Baxter was keen to end on somewhat of a positive note.
“Here,” he reached into his jacket pocket, where he’d carefully put his business cards hours before.
Mentally stealing himself, Baxter explained that he was going to need their numbers as well. His eyes automatically flickered to Thayer. The other man’s expression hadn’t changed much, pain still lingered in his eyes, his smile was tense.
Turning his attention to his phone, Baxter accepted the numbers of Terry and Miranda and then waited - there was a brief half second pause - and then Thayer was reading off his phone number. Baxter moved his thumbs without actually inputting the number - he didn’t need to, he’d never deleted Thayer’s number in the first place. Though it was somewhat of a relief that Thayer still had the same number.
Phone returned to its place in his jacket pocket, Baxter pulled his wallet. “For my coffee,” he explained to the curious glances as he placed a crisp $10 note on the table. He didn’t miss the frown that crossed Thayer’s face as he did so.
It wasn’t like he could stay . No, that was out of the question. Baxter has to leave. Right now.
“Have a nice evening,” Baxter inclined his head towards the soon to be newlyweds and then he walked quickly and smoothly away from the group and out of the restaurant.
~*~
For several long moments, Baxter sat inside his car, hands clasped around the steering wheel, unmoving. Now he was away from the Adam’s and their wedding committee, Baxter found himself wishing he had someone to call. There was no one. No one he could talk through his feelings with, to confide in. As always, he would have to shoulder the burden of this by himself. And that was fine. He was used to that.
Starting the car, Baxter drove, though he didn’t particularly see the road. Thayer dominated his thoughts. Memories of five years ago played on autopilot. Five years had passed, and Thayer was rightfully hurt - and yet Baxter would've sworn he still felt that electricity - that spark - that had so intoxicated him before.
He parked in his usual spot in the underground parking lot of the apartment building he lived in, locked the car and strode over the long line of elevators. Baxter felt numb .
Somehow, and Baxter wasn’t fully sure how, he made up to the eleventh floor and his apartment. I wonder what Thayer would think of this place . The thought fluttered through Baxter’s mind before he could stop it. It was laughable. Thayer had no logical reason visit.
On autopilot, Baxter went through his usual routine. He made coffee, started the shower, prepared his clothes for the next day. All the while fighting to keep thoughts of Thayer at bay.
This wedding had become so much more complicated. Thayer would be around. He was going to be in Baxter’s office. The thought startled him more than it should have. Obviously, Thayer was going to be there tomorrow. For a moment, Baxter seriously considered getting up even earlier to make sure the office was spotless. Scott and Jude wouldn’t care . Well, they would care that the office looked clean and professional and that was it. Baxter tried to tell himself that Scott and Jude’s approval was the important thing here. Not Thayer’s.
By the time Baxter had showered, drunk his coffee and prepared for bed, his mood had improved. Tomorrow was going to be a challenge, but he was a professional. No matter what, Baxter was determined not to let the sudden reappearance of Thayer dull his abilities. This wedding was going to happen. And it would happen smoothly and as professionally as Baxter could manage.
~*~
“Good morning, everyone.” Baxter strode over to his usual seat and smiled at the couple. The three double espresso’s he had for breakfast were doing their job of making him appear awake. Success.
Baxter’s eyes flicked towards Thayer. The younger man was wearing a pair of tight skinny jeans that made Baxter want to rip them off him and bend him over. This was simply unfair. How dare Thayer look this good without even trying. Baxter licked his bottom lip unconsciously.
Pen and notebook in hand, Baxter smiled at Jude and Scott. Like most couples, they were clearly nervous about working with a planner for the first time. Ideally, last night would’ve removed some nerves by allowing Baxter to get to know the pair better outside of a stuffy office.
“Now,” Baxter smiled politely at everyone. “We know why we’re all here. I believe we should start.”
“Oh, wait!” Terry leaned forwards in his seat, grinning widely. “Since you’ve missed everything, I gotta tell you that I’m a guy!”
That - was obvious. Even in the brief time Baxter had seen him the night before, the change was noticeable. Not just in how Terry looked, but in the way he carried himself. Terry looked and sounded happier than before, more confident in who he was. It was nice. If he allowed himself the thought, he was proud of the young man before him. The bravery he’d showed in allowing himself to be true to himself - remarkable.
Baxter nodded and made a mental note about Terry’s name spelling change. That matter settled, Baxter began the meeting properly.
Naturally, he’d been aware that Jude and Scott were up against it time wise. The sheer amount of things left to do was - not great. Most of what the future Adam’s needed to be done were things Baxter would’ve ordered six months ago at least.
“ — feel free to use me. ”
Those words, spoken out of Thayer’s mouth, returned Baxter to the present and away from his dire musings. His eyes widened slightly, and he adjusted himself in his seat a little. He’d heard Thayer say those exact words before. Five years ago, in fact. He wondered if Thayer remembered. Baxter tried to repress the shiver that made its way down his spine at the memory.
Thayer, tears falling from those pretty brown eyes, lips swollen from hungry kisses, knelt on the hardwood floor of Baxter’s temporary bedroom, hands tied behind his back with one of Baxter’s silk ties.
“I need you,” Thayer said, the words sounding angelic on those lips. “I’m yours, Bax, feel free to use me.”
And he did. Baxter devoured him that night .
Baxter closed his eyes and prayed for strength. Damn Thayer for awakening the memories he’d so carefully tucked away.
He tried not to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration when Scott asked, ‘who’d by a cake before the wedding?’ The answer was blindingly simple - everyone . It was why bakeries offered cake testing sessions, for goodness' sake.
Xavier was the only baker that sprung to Baxter’s mind. He’d met them early in his career and knew they’d make something utterly delightful for the couple - even with the time limit, he knew would shock and horrify them. With a confidence born out of practise, Baxter tactfully informed Scott and Jude about Xavier and vouched for their quality.
“Did you get your wedding cake from them?” Scott had leaned forward in his seat, a painfully earnest expression on his face.
He couldn’t help it - his eyes flicked over to Thayer, taking in the look on the other man’s face. Thayer looked - interested - in his answer. Concern laid hidden in Thayer’s eyes though, and Baxter allowed himself to think that Thayer was worried that he had a partner as yet unmentioned. His heart seized at the thought - if there was anyone in this world he would marry, it would be the man whose heart he’d broken.
Fixing an easy going smile on his face, he answered Scott’s question. He kept his eyes fixed on a spot behind Jude’s head, refusing to look at Thayer’s reaction to his announcement of being single.
After everything he put Thayer through, he wasn’t entitled to Thayer’s attention or affections. It was wrong for him to even hope that Thayer cared if he was available or not.
As the conversation with Jude and Scott continued, a snag appeared. Baxter needed assistance at the bakery, and the only person who could assist was Thayer.
Baxter began building his mental walls up as he grinned - slightly too widely to believable as he agreed to his doom. “That’s settled.” Thayer was going to be in his car, so close that Baxter could reach over and touch him. If he was going to survive being this close to Thayer again, he needed to steal himself. He wasn’t going to fool himself by believing that Thayer wanted to be around him. Thayer rightfully hated him. Should continue to hate him.
~*~
Keeping his walls up was taxing, especially when he could smell Thayer’s aftershave. There was a hint of orange and juniper berries - sweet and enticing - much like Thayer himself. His hands griped the steering wheel as though that would save him from lowering his walls and giving in to the temptation of touching Thayer.
It took all his training as his parents' son, to not jump out of the car as soon he as he parked near Xavier’s. Instead, he held open Xavier’s shop door, allowing himself to breathe in Thayer’s scent as the other man walked past him.
The tinkle of the shop’s bell always charmed Baxter. A childish part of him wanted to open and close the repeatedly every time he came here. His parents would never have allowed it, of course. It was proper behaviour for a Ward. Theme parks? Improper. Birthday parties with clowns and cake? Absolutely not. Sleepovers? Not happening.
Xavier appeared, a bright smile on their face and Baxter forced the memories of his mirthless childhood to the back of his mind once more. No wasn’t the time to dwell in self pity.
Naturally, Thayer and Xavier had instant chemistry. Their banter flew back and forth as though they had been friends for years. Baxter wanted to know how Thayer did that. No matter the situation, Thayer could slip into easy conversation with almost anyone. Even with his years of social training thanks to his parents, Baxter still found it difficult to just start talking . He relied on being introduced , or having a reason to talk to someone. Baxter recalled clearly how his first in person conversation with Xavier began with ‘My name is Baxter Ward, we spoke on the phone earlier.’
The persona of charm during his time in Sunset Bird had been just that - a persona. One of an overly confident, slightly cocky tourist. A persona that Thayer had started breaking through by the time Baxter left.
Getting back on track and out of hi head, Baxter turned on his charm persona as he smiled dazzlingly at Xavier.
“Could you possibly make a three-tier wedding cake that is simple yet still elegant and modern in, erm, mm, about three days?” Baxter heard, rather than saw, Thayer’s cackle from the other side of the small store.
“And that schedule includes today. The wedding is Saturday afternoon.”
“Baxter,” Xavier sounded exhausted at the thought, “I need more time.”
“I appreciate that,” Baxter agreed. “However, the couple are attempting a DIY wedding and running out of time.”
With a smooth roll of his writ, Baxter continued on, not allowing Xavier a second to object at the nearly impossible time frame, “for flavors, they would like chocolate and vanilla. Separate for two tiers and in combination for one.”
“Flavors are not the concern right now, monsieur .” Xavier’s tone was exasperated, though their fondness for him peaked through.
“Really?” Baxter raised an eyebrow delicately. “I would say that’s fairly important.”
Xavier made a noise of disbelief, “not if I can’t do the order!”
Giving Xavier his best sympathetic smile, Baxter couldn’t help but tease them a little. “Oh, Xavier, no need to worry. I trust in your abilities immensely.”
Xavier scoffed, ready to make a comeback of their own when Baxter carried on, unable to help himself. “Besides, there are worse arrangements.”
Thayer, who had been following the conversation between Baxter and Xavier with a worried frown on his face, froze. Baxter’s heart gave a small flip when he saw that Thayer still chewed on his bottom lip unknowingly when concerned over something.
Still, Baxter knew when he was playing with danger. All those walls, encased in steel and here he was, bringing up the past as though nothing had happened. He was a first-class idiot.
He had stepped up to the shovel, he might as pick it up now he was here.
“Are there?” Xavier asked, disbelief clear, “an example of that would be?”
Leaning a foot on the shovel, Baxter began to dig, hinting at the night he and Thayer made cupcakes for Randy’s birthday party. He ran a hand through his air, as he fought to keep his persona in place, all the while pretending he couldn’t see the hurt and pain playing out in Thayer’s eyes.
Dig, dig, dig.
“You did what with who? I thought he was here because of your clients!” Xavier blinked at him owlishly. A puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit. That was Baxter.
“I am,” Thayer cut in, “this was before Baxter hated me.”
Hate?
Hate?
Baxter tried to choke out a denial - he didn’t, couldn’t , hate Thayer. It was too late. Thayer looked at him, the pain so obvious, and turned away.
The whole he had just made himself now was on the verge of swallowing him whole. He had danced close to the fire, and the fire in turned burned. Instead of burning him, it had lept out and burned Thayer.
He couldn't let Thayer believe that. It wasn’t true. It wasn’t . This was his fault. Of course it was. All he ever did was hurt people. Baxter didn’t know how many more times he could hurt Thayer, before the other man gave up on him entirely.
The hole he had dug was perfectly shaped for him. He could lie down forever, never hurting anyone else. It would be a kindness if he wasn’t such a coward. Baxter knew he would never actually do it - he was far too selfish. Lady fate had bizarrely given him a gift. Thayer was once more back in his life and he would enjoy that from afar. Never getting too close, of course.
Baxter only realised he had been operating on autopilot when he heard as though from a distance, Xavier accept the job.
Miracle after miracle.
“Thank you! Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver.” Baxter thanked any and every immortal being that was watching over him. There was no Plan B. It was Xavier or making a wedding cake himself. There was no other baker he would trust to do the job.
Thayer cared about Jude and Scott. If Thayer cared about them, Baxter was going to do everything in his power to give the couple the wedding of their dreams.
Moving to the side to talk to Xavier in more detail about the cake and other treats the couple wanted, there was one more favour he had to ask.
“I have a small request,” Baxter cleared his throat, “Thayer - well he was - he used to be vegan and -,” he trailed off. It was another burden on Xavier who had agreed to do so much already. “Nevermind,” he waved the unasked question off. “I’ll -.”
“I’ll do it,” Xavier said, cutting him off. “Do you want a small 6 inch cake or just a cupcake?”
“I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry, it’s too much.”
“Baxter,” Xavier’s voice was firm and kind, “whoever Thayer is to you, I support it. He’s good for you. I haven’t seen you smile - actually smile since we met. I can make him a vegan cake.”
“The two of you share something in common,” Baxter admitted. “You always surprise me. Thank you.” He meant it. Baxter wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve such kindness from others, but he was grateful for it.
“You’re welcome.” Xavier smile was wide and genuine, making Baxter feel things he didn’t want to acknowledge right then. He and Xavier were work colleagues, not friends. It was important to keep that in mind. Baxter knew better than to overstep his professional role and become friends with people.
Xavier’s eyes held a hint of concerned look in their eyes as they tucked the order form away in a pocket of their apron. Baxter offered them what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
“Be kind to yourself, Baxter,” Xavier said sincerely. “I don’t know what’s going on between you and your - friend - but I know chemistry when I see it.”
Baxter blinked owlishly at Xavier for a moment. A rebuttal and a firm reminder than he and Thayer weren’t friends on the tip of his tongue. Xavier patted him gently on the hand and turned their attention back to work.
“Thanks for shopping in Xake. I better get started.” With a sweet smile, Xavier turned to Thayer. “Did you want anything before you left, Thayer?”
Holding back a chuckle, Baxter watched as Thayer’s eyes lit up. Thayer happily picked out treats for himself and his friends. Baxter couldn’t recall a single time where Thayer brought anything solely for himself. If Thayer was going to buy something, he’d get a second item; for his moms, Liz, Cove, his other friends, community food pickup points. Someone would get getting a gift. Baxter admired that about Thayer. Kindness was his default position.
“Let’s see each other soon, okay?” Xavier said brightly, as they handed Thayer a box of goodies.
Oh no .
There was no way, on this green earth, that Thayer would ever want to spend time with Baxter once this was over. Baxter couldn’t even blame him. There was no reason to. Thayer would go back to his life in New York and Baxter would continue working.
Thayer would leave as soon as the wedding was over, and Baxter would be alone again.
“He hates me,” Thayer sounded dejected. “I wouldn’t even bother Xavier, trust me.”
I don’t hate you; I love you .
The words were there, sitting inside his throat. Opening his mouth, Baxter tried to give the words life, sound. To make them real and wrap them around Thayer like a warm blanket. Instead, he snapped his mouth shut and watched as Thayer strode towards the door.
Baxter loathed himself for letting Thayer continue to be believe that lie. He gritted his teeth, yelling internally that this time, he would get the words out . I love you .
“Regrettably, there won’t be a next time the three of us come together like this. Once the wedding has concluded, Thayer will have no reason to interact further.” Well . That wasn’t what he had planned on saying.
He stood, hands firmly in pockets, watching as pain clouded Thayer’s brown eyes. You are the worst; he told himself. Still, he couldn’t seem to make himself stop. Every word he uttered inside the bakery built up the walls between himself and Thayer. Not even a wrecking ball could knock these down. After this, Thayer would never speak to him again - and he only had himself to blame.
“Now,” Baxter began after Thayer and Xavier had finished yet another round of good natured banter. “Thank you very much for accepting this rush order, Xavier. You are such a help, but we really must be going.”
His feet were moving before he realised what he was doing. Baxter swept past Thayer as the other man moved away from the door. His aftershave lingered by the door, and Baxter greedily took a deep breath, needing to lock the scent away, deep in his mind, where he kept his love and memories of Thayer locked away.
Once outside, Baxter cursed, more at himself than anything else, and walked at a fast pace towards the car. He stood beside the driver’s door, waiting for Thayer to leave Xake Bake’ s. Even this, simply standing next to his own damned car, brought back memories of Thayer sliding into the driving seat of his rental the morning he offered to buy them both coffee. Thayer had deemed him too tired to drive the short distance to the coffee shop, and Baxter couldn’t disagree. He had been tired. While he trusted his driving ability, he shuddered to think of causing a crash through his recklessness. Baxter ran a hand through his hair. He’d trusted Thayer’s judgement unquestioningly and would do so again.
Thayer soon appeared on the sidewalk, the box of treats being held in his arms as though it was precious cargo. Hiding the smile that wanted to play on his lips, Baxter unlocked the car and dived in. Coward . He was a coward.
Baxter waited until Thayer was buckled in, before risking speech. “Could you enter the address of where you’re staying? I can drive you there.”
That was painfully obvious. It wasn’t like Thayer would be taking an Uber there. Thayer seemed to thinking along the same lines. Baxter watched as Thayer rolled his eyes, picked up his phone and tapped in the address.
It was silly, but the simple gesture of Thayer holding his phone made Baxter’s stomach flip.
He should say something . Baxter carefully backed out of the space, gripping the steering wheel for dear life. He should say something. What, he wasn’t entirely sure. The drive to Xavier’s had been tense enough. He should say something .
Baxter waited until he was on the main road before speaking. Thayer wasn’t likely to jump out of the car, but it was better to be safe than sorry. He wasn’t sure what he should say. ‘Sorry’ seemed like an ideal place to start. Thayer wouldn’t believe it.
Start with something safe , he told himself. Walk before you run , as the saying went. “Scott and Jude should be pleased to hear they have a lovely wedding cake.”
The air in the car changed. The tenseness left, as though someone had opened a plane window mid flight. In its place was Thayer’s stunned incredulity and anger.
“Is this - are you actually making small talk?” Thayer turned to face him, eyes wide with surprise. “You know what, don’t . Do not even.” Thayer turned away, lips tightly pressed together. Anger radiating off him in waves.
Tapping the wheel, Baxter repressed a sigh. Thayer had every right to be mad at him. He’d behaved appallingly. Past and present. Still, it made Baxter want to squirm. Seeing Thayer so mad was awful. Every cell in his body screamed at him to make this right.
“Thayer, I want to apologise.” The words surprised even Baxter. He kept his eyes fixed on the road, his hands tight on the wheel. Now that he’d started, he had to continue. “For the bakery - I’m still as immature as I was at nineteen, it seems.”
There was a snort from Thayer. Baxter grinned. It was such a Thayer move. An adorable sound from Thayer that on anyone else would be annoying.
“I’m a wedding planner, and you are assisting the happy couple in their planning in your own way. No more, no less.” A lie. Of course it was. Thayer was so much more than that. I love you. I love you. I love you. The words rebounded around Baxter’s mind, desperate to be said out loud.
Thayer’s voice was drier than dry ice. “Thank you Baxter. You’ve made that crystal fucking clear.”
Baxter winced at that. He had made this bed. He was going to have to learn to lie in it. Clearing his throat, Baxter tried again. “It wasn’t my intention to bring up any topics that may have made you feel uncomfortable.”
“It’s funny.” Thayer’s fury was palpable. “You’re speaking when you should be silent .”
Baxter couldn’t think of anything to say to that. He nodded, not that he thought Thayer saw. Unable to bear the silence, he turned the radio on to his favourite station.
Sooner than he liked, Baxter was pulling up infront of the typical suburban house, on a typical suburban block. It was nice, Baxter mused as he turned off the engine, but not what he pictured in his mind for himself and - well - no one really. Thayer, truthfully.
He wanted to say something, anything . Dislodge a brick in the wall between them, that he had built. Baxter opened his mouth, the words forming on his lips. It was too late. Thayer had unbuckled himself and slammed the door shut.
The car rocked with the force of the slam. Baxter slumped in his seat, defeated. He’d royally fucked this up. Raising his head, he watched as Thayer entered the Adam’s home and disappeared from view.
Thayer was once again gone. Baxter picked up his phone, opening up his text messages.
146 unread messages.
Baxter, please, just talk to me okay?
I’m going to be blunt - I think I’m falling for you. I know, that makes no sense. You were always going to leave, I get that. I do. A part of me thought you felt the same way. I’d just like a chance to talk to you. Please Baxter.
We can do this, Baxter. I want to be with you.
Angry with himself, he threw his phone onto the passengers seat and turned the engine back on. He was such an idiot .
~*~
“Baxter!” A hand slammed down on the desk he was supposed to be working at and Baxter blinked up at the large, kind face of Kistur Sherred. Kistur, a charming Romani man in his late fifties was the proud owner of Sherred Event Planners .
“I’m so sorry, I -,”
Kistur waved away Baxter’s apology, opting to roll over a squeaky office chair to sit next to Baxter. His light brown eyes studied Baxter quietly. “Big group earlier, ey? They being difficult? I can talk to Cherlynn to take over them for you.”
“It’s not - it’s complicated, but I can handle it.” Baxter offered Kistur a confident smile.
“Talk to me.” Kirstur rolled his chair even closer to Baxter, putting a warm, comforting hand on his arm. “You, Dee, and Cherlynn are like the children I never had, you know that? You can talk to me. There’s never any judgement here.”
Baxter looked at his hands, throat tight. “In all my life, I don’t think my father has ever considered me worthy of being his son.”
“Yes, well, you know what I think of that man,” Kisrtur's friendly eyes turned cold for an instant. “This isn’t about him so, care to talk?”
Baxter rolled a wrist as he thought of a way to explain. “I know some of the people in the Adam’s wedding party - one - I -,” words failed him. “One of them, Thayer - we dated. Five years ago. I regret leaving the way I did. It was unkind.”
“Right.” Kistur sat back in his chair, his folded, deep in thought. “Do you still have feelings for him?”
Baxter bowed his head. “Yes.”
“And does he still have feelings for you?”
“I don’t know, maybe? I do know that he thinks I hate him.”
“Well then, the first thing you need to do is correct that assumption. Then you ask to start over.”
“I don’t deserve him.”
“ Baxter.” Kistur leaned forward and swatted Baxter’s head. “That’s not for you to decide. You have to give him the choice. Apologise for whatever happened in the past and mean it. Lower those walls of yours. Let him see the real you. After that, the ball is in his court.”
Baxter smoothed down his suit, letting Kistur’s word sink in. “Okay,” he said after a moment. “Thanks.”
Kistur stood, patting Baxter on the shoulder. “Good luck.”
Silently, Baxter thanked whatever gods had let him meet Kistur. “Thanks for listening.”
Perhaps Kirstur was right. Maybe it was time to lower the walls a little. Baxter took out his phone, thumbing open the text app. He could text Thayer right now, ask him out to coffee later tonight to clear the air between him. Or he could call. Instead,he sighed and slipped his phone back into his jacket pocket. He’d see Thayer tomorrow. There would be time tomorrow, perhaps, to speak to Thayer. No, Baxter decided. It would be tomorrow. He would find time to talk to Thayer - or make plans with Thayer - to talk. Or maybe he would wait until after the wedding. Yes, that would be more appropriate.
With a vague plan in mind, Baxter turned back to his laptop, and returned to making arrangements for the wedding.