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Nick Nelson has adopted a new pet.

Nellie Nelson has decided she likes the new pet. She likes him a lot .

It’s actually a bit surprising, honestly. 

The thing is, even though Nellie always tries to be friendly and polite and nice towards newcomers to the Nelson household - they’ve not always been particularly nice to her. Which Nellie doesn’t understand at all , because Nick and Mum always tell her that she’s A Very Good Girl.

And she does try awfully hard to be A Very Good Girl. So why would anyone choose not to be Very Good back to her? 

It just doesn’t make sense.

There was this one time, what feels to Nellie like forever ago now, when Nick brought around some of his friends. Nellie likes friends, and she was delighted to meet so many people all at once. They’d all been Nick-shaped and Nick-sized, and one of them had brought a ball , and Nellie had tried her hardest not to get overly excited about that, but she just couldn’t help it; there were all these new Nicks in the house, and Nellie loves Nick and there was also a ball, and surely she was about to have the absolute best day ever. 

And then one of these new people, one with sticky-looking hair and big teeth and lots of freckles, had stood on her tail.

It was probably an accident, Nellie knew. It happened sometimes. Nellie’s tail has a mind of its own, particularly when she’s happy, and Nick and Mum have stood on it plenty of times, and always showered her with so many cuddles and pats and sorries afterwards that the two seconds of pain were almost worth it.

But this boy had not done that.

He’d stood on her tail, and Nellie had let out a little cry of pain.

And this boy had sneered at her, and then nudged her in the side with his foot, and said “Well, piss off then! Standing right there next to me, it’s your own fault!”

Well. Not really a nudge.

More of a kick.

And Nellie had chosen to make herself scarce after that, hiding under the kitchen table where Mum was having tea and being sure to sigh as loudly and as often as she could, hoping to grab Nick’s attention.

Surely Nick wasn’t going to let this slide.

Nick is Nellie’s Best Friend.

Nick had given Sticky-Looking Hair a steely look, and then given Nellie a very sad one, like he was trying to give her all the cuddles and pats and sorries with just his eyes.

He’d not said anything to the boy, but he’d never invited him round again.

Not that one, anyway. Just a select few of Nick’s friends, ones that would never shout at Nellie, or nudge her with their foot, or tell her something was her fault.

But Nellie’s never quite forgotten that encounter. 

If she’s totally honest, it’s made her…a little scared of meeting new people. 

It was the first time she’d realised that not everybody is nice.

She’d been a bit anxious about meeting the new pet, for this very reason.

But thankfully, the new pet is just lovely.  

Nellie hadn't known that Nick and Mum were adopting this new... thing , at first. They'd introduced her to the new houseguest gradually, in dribs and drabs. Which is good. She's not quite sure how she would've felt if he'd just...moved in all at once.

The new pet is small.

Well. Smaller than Nick, anyway. Not smaller than Nellie, but smaller than Nick. 

Most things are smaller than Nick, though, she supposes. Almost everything in the whole house is smaller than Nick. Nick is the tallest thing in the world, taller than Mum even, and Nellie knows this because she is Very Clever. 

So it makes sense that the new pet is smaller than him. 

The pet's got soft, floppy hair, and skinny little legs, and shiny white teeth. He looks a bit like Nellie, she supposes, because Nellie also has soft, floppy hair and skinny little legs and shiny white teeth. He's got Nick's smell, which Nellie will admit she likes a lot. She's not sure how exactly Nick was able to share his smell with the new pet, without losing any of it himself. One of life's many mysteries. 

She gradually learns that he's called Charlie Spring. He's more quiet than Nick, and sometimes he acts as though he's a bit nervous being in Nellie's house. Like he doesn't understand the rules and thinks he's going to get into trouble. It's not that hard, Nellie thinks. Just don't wee on the floor and don't chew up Nick's rugby boots, and you'll be right.  

He might be quiet and nervous, but Charlie Spring gives good scratches. He gives scratches like Nick and Mum do, behind Nellie's ears. And the first time he visits, he tells her she's the most adorable girl ever. Nellie had been told that before, but not in ages , not in two hours at least , so she'd almost forgotten. It was very exciting to be reminded about such an achievement. 

The most adorable girl!

The most adorable girl ever!  

None of those horrible guests had ever told her such a thing.

Nick had taken Nellie and Charlie on a walk together that day, which is how Nellie had known that Charlie is a new pet. 

You take pets on walks. That’s just what’s done.

It had been a very cold day, and the ground had felt crisp and soft under Nellie's paws. Charlie covers up his paws the way Nick and Mum do, and he trudges through the crystal white as though it's an effort; like it's hard work. He looks at Nick a lot , his eyes so big and longing that Nellie becomes utterly convinced that Nick must have brought treats along without Nellie noticing.

But Nick doesn't give Charlie treats. They laugh and they roll around on the ground and they throw powdery balls at each other. Nellie enjoys all of these activities, and Nick and Charlie let her join in. Charlie even gives her a cuddle, wrapping thin arms around her and breathing warm breaths into her neck.

And Nellie decides she could get used to this. Nellie likes making new friends. She likes it even more when new friends like her back.

She likes Charlie Spring, she's decided. 

He's good.

As a Very Good Girl herself, Nellie would know.

It's occasional visits, for a time. 

Nellie loves these visits.

When Charlie comes round, Nick is even more happy than usual. Nick seems to like walking Charlie, and Nellie always gets to come along, which means sometimes, she gets two whole entire walks in one day.

Charlie asks where she is, almost every time he comes by. Within the first few minutes. And when she cheerfully trots up to the front door, he always reminds her that she's the Goodest Girl Ever, and gives her lots of pats, and then that seems to make Nick want to join in as well, which means she gets double pats, sometimes from four hands at once.

So Nellie loves it when Charlie comes round.

Nick loves it too. Nellie can tell. He gets all smiley and his cheeks get pink. He smells like love.

The upkeep and care of the new pet seems pretty similar to Nellie's. Nick walks Charlie. Nick lets Charlie up on the couch. Nick pats Charlie on the head. Nick feeds Charlie, although more often than not, Charlie gives Nellie quite a great deal of his treats to eat. He does this under the table, quietly, as though it's a secret.

Nellie thinks maybe it's because he loves her more than Nick. He's giving her extra treats because she is his favourite, and he doesn't want Nick to know.

Nellie is sure that's it.

Nellie is Nick's favourite. So it only makes sense that she'd be Charlie's favourite, too.

She is a Good Girl, after all.

The most adorable girl ever, actually.

Nellie tries not to let that wondrous feat get to her head. But it's hard when Nick and Charlie are constantly reminding her about it.

It's also a big responsibility, being the Most Adorable Girl Ever. She has to keep being good and adorable and the best girl, every day. She doesn't want to lose her title.

One day, though, Nellie isn't so sure she has that title anymore.

There's an afternoon where it's cold again. Cold enough to make the clouds fall down, like they did that other time, and cover the yard in white.

Charlie has been over for two entire days. 

Usually, he goes after a bit. But this time, he'd been over at Nellie's house for one whole day, and then stayed the night, and now it's the second whole day and Charlie's still there.

So Nellie understands that Charlie must live with them now.

She’d been right. Nick has adopted a new pet. Charlie is part of the family, and you don't just kick out part of the family. What if Charlie gets lost, or does what Nellie did when she was a puppy and runs out into the road? 

It's safer if Charlie stays here, where Nick can look after him.

Charlie is sitting next to Nick on the couch. The TV is making noise, but neither of them are paying attention to it. They are sitting very close to each other. Sometimes, Nick will pull back from Charlie and glance nervously towards the doorway, like he's doing something against the rules and he doesn't want Mum to find out.

Usually, Nellie sits between Nick and Charlie. There's always a space for her, and it's extra warm and squashed there, just how Nellie likes it.

But things are different today, compared to the last time Charlie was here.

This time, Nick's leg and Charlie's leg are pressed so close that there's no room for Nellie at all.

Their faces are very close together too.

Obviously, Charlie has accidentally sat in the wrong spot. He just forgot, that's all. He forgot to make room for Nellie.

It's an honest mistake. He's still new. Mistakes happen.

Gently, Nellie hops up and puts her two front paws on Charlie's knee, and gives him a long, meaningful look.

Charlie pulls back from Nick, breathing out a surprised little "Oh!" , then laughing as he looks down at her.

"We took over Nellie's spot," he tells Nick, giggly and short-of-breath.

Too right you did.

Nick laughs, too. He also sounds a little bit airy, like he's been running.

He reaches down and lightly prods at Nellie's paws until she drops back down to the floorboards. He leaves his hand on Charlie's leg.

"Sorry, Nell," he says. "Another time."

And then he turns back to Charlie like the conversation is over.

Which it most certainly is not.

A bit cross now, Nellie tries again. She goes for Nick this time, propping herself upright against his knee. She looks pointedly at her spot, then back at Nick, then at the spot, then to Nick. 

Nick lets out a sigh, but he's smiling, so Nellie knows she isn't in any trouble.

And then he's pulling away from Charlie, and Nellie feels her tail begin to wiggle a little and then…

Then…

Then Nick is standing and picking Nellie up, and walking out of the lounge room?

Walking out of the lounge room holding Nellie?

"Sorry, Nells," he murmurs, giving her a consolatory scratch behind one ear. "Next time, bubba. I'm just... really trying to get kissed into suffocation tonight, okay? And you're just...you're a terrible wingman, girl."

And then he leaves .

He leaves and he shuts the door. 

He shuts Nellie out. Out of the lounge room. The room where Nellie lounges.

Nellie grumpily retreats to Nick's bedroom.

Alone.

Nellie thinks two entire thoughts that day, all in one go.

The first thought is that having a new pet is a bit rubbish, actually.

The second is that Nellie does not like Charlie Spring.

Following The Betrayal, Nellie does her best to make sure Nick and Charlie know all too well that Nellie does not like Charlie Spring. She spends a very long time (four days) making her disapproval loud and clear.

While Nick and Charlie are watching TV, Nellie sits and gives Charlie the biggest stink-eye she can muster. She looks at Charlie Spring like he's diet kibbles, like he's the postie. Like he's Dog Socks.

(Mum bought socks for Nellie once, and put them on her. It had not been a good day.).

"Aw," says Charlie. "Nellie's staring at me."

"Course she is," says Nick. "She loves you."

Wrong.

When Nick and Charlie sit on the floor and are quiet and look at paper for a while, Nellie waits for Charlie to let his guard down, then bats Charlie's stick out of his hand. It goes skittering underneath Nick's desk with a wooden rattle.

Charlie laughs.

What kind of maniac loses a stick and laughs about it?

"She's helping," Charlie giggles, as he crawls under the desk to fetch it. "Not sure if quadratic equations are quite your strong suit, Nells." 

He rubs Nellie in her soft ear spot. It feels nice.

Nellie could do quadratic... whatever Charlie said. If she felt like it. 

Charlie can do it.

And Charlie is very stupid. 

How hard could it possibly be?

On day five after The Betrayal, a very bad thing happens. It happens when Nellie is least expecting it.

Nellie has been doing her best to give Nick the most doleful looks she can, and Charlie the most angry ones. This involves a great deal of following Nick and Charlie around the house, because she can't give either one of them a look if they keep moving . 

Nellie also thinks that maybe her doleful look and her angry look appear too similar, because Nick and Charlie don't seem to be getting the message. Nick calls her clingy , and says again that she must just love Charlie as much as Nick does.

The very bad thing happens in the kitchen. Nick is pouring something steamy into a cup, and Charlie is leaning across the counter on his elbows, eyes fixed fondly on Nick as they talk. He looks much brighter than he did when quadratic equations happened. This confirms to Nellie that quadratic equations must make Charlie sad because he is too stupid to understand them. 

Nellie is sitting right behind Charlie, and she is working to perfect her angry face. She doesn't growl, or bark; this would be an overreaction, and likely to land her in Very Big Trouble. But she can muster up a mean look. 

And then Charlie steps backwards, and his foot plants right onto Nellie's tail.

Nellie yelps. Her tail hurts. Everything is sore and bad and bad and sore, and Charlie suddenly seems very big and tall and Nellie feels tiny. Nellie is a Bad Girl, she must be, because of the sore and the bad. Probably it's because of all her mean looks. Probably Charlie is fed up with her, and that's why he's decided to punish her. Nellie shuffles backwards, because she thinks maybe a kick will come next, like that time ages ago, but…

But Charlie does not kick Nellie. And when he speaks, his voice doesn't go all hard and snarly. It goes soft and worried and whispery and high.

Charlie drops down to his knees with a thud, so Nellie and Charlie are eye to eye. Nellie hangs her head at first and tries not to look at him.

"Nellie," Charlie is gasping. He's running careful hands over her tail, pressing slightly here and there like he's checking for bumps or breaks. "Oh, Nell, I'm so sorry, puppy. Oh, your poor little tail. "

Nellie likes that she is still ‘puppy’. Even though she's grown.

"Oh, Nellie," Charlie is saying. "You're a good girl, Nellie, it was my fault, I didn't look, I'm so so sorry. Nick, she's not wagging it, oh my god what if it's broken?"

He looks close to tears.

Nellie doesn't like that. 

Charlie is nice. He didn't mean to hurt her. Nellie knows. Nellie has always known that; that Charlie is good and nice, because Nellie is very smart. Nellie isn't angry. Nellie hasn't ever been angry at Charlie, she thinks. She's pretty sure.

She gives Charlie a big lick, over the back of his hands.

Charlie might be Nellie's Best Friend, maybe.

Well. After Nick. And Mum. 

She has her standards.

A lot happens, after that. 

Enough for Nellie to mostly forget about The Betrayal.

Most days, when Nick is home, Charlie is too. There are more cuddles and walks and naps. Sometimes those involve Nellie, and sometimes they don’t.

Nick and Charlie laugh together a lot. They get sparkly eyes and talk in whispers. They seem happy.

Most of the time.

One day, they come home late, dressed way more fancy than usual, and they bring lots of fancy-dressed friends too - the nice ones; ones that Nellie has met before. Three girls and two other boys.  Charlie is wearing a bowtie. There is a dog down the road that wears one of those sometimes. 

There is one with pale yellowy hair and watery-looking eyes who joyfully announces that they have all come just to see Nellie. This makes the other ones laugh.

All just for Nellie . Imagine that!

It's really a smashing time, the party for Nellie. They all take turns patting Nellie, and they eat snacks and talk and giggle and dance and pat Nellie some more.

They leave, and Charlie stays behind for a while, in Nick's bedroom with the door shut.

When Charlie himself leaves, and it’s just Nellie and Nick in Nick’s bedroom, Nick cries. 

He’s very quiet about it, and very still, like he hopes Nellie won’t notice. Nellie does, and nuzzles her snoot against Nick’s teary face, which makes him let out a shaky sigh-laugh.

“I’m okay, girl,” he tells her softly. “Just…worried. It was just a lot. It’s okay.”

A few months after that - maybe longer? Nellie’s not sure. Time is tricky.

A few months after that, Charlie goes away. 

It feels like a very long time that Charlie is gone. Nick misses him, Nellie can tell. He mopes around the house with a hangdog expression, and when Nellie does something funny his eyes still look sad, even when he smiles. Nick doesn’t go out as much, and he talks to Mum a lot, in low, serious tones. Mum gives Nick lots of hugs, and sometimes Nick cries more. Sometimes Mum does, too.

Nellie isn’t completely sure, but she thinks that maybe what has happened is that Charlie is at a boarding kennel. 

A long time ago, Mum and Nick and Bad David had gone away somewhere, to a place they called Dorset. It was so long ago Nellie can hardly remember it, but she does remember that she and Nick had almost been the same height, and she hadn’t yet known how to do ‘roll over’. Nellie had not gone to Dorset. Mum had dropped Nellie off at a boarding kennel instead, and Nellie had stayed there until Mum and Nick and Bad David had come to pick her up again.

She has been scared, at the time. At first. All the people were strangers, and the food was different to what Nellie was used to. There were new smells. But everyone had been really nice, and she’d ended up making lots of new friends. There had been one lady who wore an all-blue vet outfit, and she looked a bit like Mum. Her name was Jacinda, and she gave Nellie the best brush, every single day, and when Nellie sat well she snuck her extra bits of dried liver. 

The outdoor area of the boarding kennel even had tunnels, and things for Nellie to climb. It had ended up being just lovely.

Nellie understands, now, that Mum and Nick and Bad David must have been having a rotten time in Dorset. Dorset must be a horrible place, and they didn’t want Nellie to have to endure it, so Nellie got to go to the kennels instead. When they’d picked Nellie up, all Nick had done the whole car ride home was tell Nellie how much he’d missed her. Which proves it.

Since Charlie’s been gone a long time, he must be in the boarding kennels, too. Probably you don’t have to go to Dorset to be allowed to send your pet there. Maybe you can send your pet there just because.

He’s probably having lots of fun. 

Nellie hopes he gets to meet Jacinda, and get extra bits of dried liver. He deserves it.

She tries not to be too jealous.

Charlie comes back, of course.

He comes back, and Nellie immediately knows that he must have gotten extra bits of dried liver from Jacinda, because he’s a little bit less skinny than he’d been before.

Nick hugs him a lot, and squeezes him like he never wants to let go. Charlie says ‘hi’, and Nick says it back. His hands are in Charlie’s hair.

Nellie hopes next time they can go together. Her and Charlie. To the kennels.

She’d like that.

Some days, Nick and Charlie still deposit Nellie outside the living room. It makes her a bit annoyed, but she gets more and more used to it. Sometimes she finds Mum to complain to, if Mum’s around. She's usually very sympathetic to Nellie's plight. Nellie gets pats and treats, and Mum is always generous with both. Nick tells Mum that Nellie is getting fat. Nellie doesn't know what that means, but she likes it, she thinks. Fat is a nice word. Fat sounds like pat. Pats are good.

It doesn't happen very often, anyway. 

More and more often, Charlie and Nick just go to Nick's room, and they close the door. They don't come out for a very long time.

This happens when Mum is not at home. 

Some days Nellie sits and waits outside the closed door. Sometimes it's Henry.

Oh yes, that's a thing. There is a third pet in the house now. The family used to have four members; Nellie and Mum and Nick and Bad David. And now it has four again. Henry is small, and he speaks in the same smells and snuffles as Nellie. His tail curls up like a sausage, and he bounds around a lot.

Nellie is finding bounding around to be a bit trickier than it'd been back when Bad David had lived with them. It makes her tired faster. Sometimes her knees hurt.

But it's okay. She's happy to watch Henry do it. He's very good at it.

Nick takes care of Henry. He needs a lot of time and effort, because he's still a puppy. 

Nellie is still a puppy too, she knows, but somehow it doesn't feel quite the same. 

Nick takes care of Charlie as well. Just like he takes care of Henry and Nellie. He gives Charlie snuggles and pats and smiles at him a lot, all the time. There’s more walks, more naps. One time they both emerge from the bathroom together, rosy-skinned and twinkly with their hair all wet. Nick must have given Charlie a bath, and probably he tried to wriggle out and splashed Nick by accident. Wriggling out never works. Charlie will learn soon enough. 

Nick is good at looking after his pets. 

Sometimes Nellie gets worried that maybe Nick isn't very good at feeding Charlie, though.

One time, Mum bought Nellie a wet food that she had not liked. Which is very strange, because historically Nellie has always been a big fan of wet food. Huge fan. But this one had been awful . It had tasted like the plastic caps on Nick's shoelaces. Nellie hadn't eaten it, refused to even look at it for two whole days, even though her stomach had been gurgling insistently. Had actually felt a bit affronted that Mum had presumed to offer her plastic-flavoured food. Mum had quickly realised her mistake, at least, and had brought back Nellie's usual chicken and rice soon enough. 

Maybe that's what's happening.

Maybe Nick is feeding Charlie plastic shoelace-cap flavoured wet food.

Because Charlie doesn't really eat it.

He pretends.

He sneaks more and more of it to Nellie, under the table. 

It doesn't taste like plastic to Nellie. It's usually delicious.

But hey. Everyone’s different. And Nellie's not about to complain, not when she gets to eat pizza and chips and, one time, a whole big chunk of steak.

One day, though, things go bad. Things go bad at the dinner table.

Nick sees Charlie giving Nellie his food. Catches him in the act, his hand outstretched, palm up under the table, with a piece of roast potato on it. 

Charlie goes very still, and so does Nick.

Nellie, as slowly and inconspicuously as she can, curls her tongue around the lump of potato and pilfers it out of Charlie's hand.

She tries not to chew too loud. But it's a good potato.

"What are you doing?" Nick asks, and he sounds quiet and calm, but there's something about his voice that feels as alarming as fireworks.

Charlie says something that sounds distantly like he's blaming Nellie. His voice wobbles and crackles, and pitches up like he's about to howl.

Nick gets angry.

Charlie gets angry too.

They bark at each other, and Charlie is crying, and Nick is crying, and they're saying things Nellie doesn't understand, like ' how long have you been hiding this from me?' and 'you're making a huge deal out of literally nothing' and 'you have a set meal plan, Charlie, do you understand how dangerous this is?' and 'for someone who says they understand my shit with control, you sure do a piss-poor job of showing it'.

Nellie gets upset. She sees flashes of bared teeth and fierce growls. She hides under the table and tries not to think about how maybe this is her fault , because she took the potato out of Charlie's hand. 

Charlie runs away. 

He cries, and he runs right out the door.

It's scary outside at night by yourself. 

Charlie isn't even wearing a collar with his name on it.

Unfortunately, things get a lot worse after the potato incident.

A lot, lot worse.

Nellie is taken to the vet.

She has to sit on a cold, white table in a cold, white room with too-bright lights. There is a dull, nagging pain in her mouth, and a person with a kind face holds her jaw in one hand, and looks into her mouth with a little flashlight. They are very gentle, but Nellie is too frightened to appreciate it.

Mum rubs her back.

“Dental issues are common with aging dogs,” the person says sympathetically, feeling around Nellie’s hurting mouth with a rubbery-tasting finger. “ Looks to me like there’s a bit of decay here (good girl, Nellie - you’re being very brave). We might have to pull the tooth, especially if you’re concerned about her not eating.”

Nellie doesn’t know what any of this means, but Mum nods, and it all feels very scary and serious.

And it is.

Because then Nellie has to have a shot, and then she goes to sleep but in a way that feels cold and dizzy and lurching, and when she wakes up she feels strange and there is a gap in her face and her tongue doesn’t fit right in her mouth.

Thankfully, Nick and Charlie are both home when Nellie arrives back in the familiar security of the house. Charlie, who looks a bit pale but is mostly smiley, giggles about the fact that Nellie’s tongue keeps lolling out, falling out of the side of her face, which kind of feels like it’s not really there; like it’s disappearing. 

It’s a bit frightening, but Nellie is sure Nick and Charlie and Mum would not let her face disappear. 

Charlie apologises for laughing at her, but then laughs again. He gives her a cuddle, and Nick looks at him with warmth and softness. They whisper gently to each other. Nellie usually listens out for her favourite words when Nick and Charlie talk, but her head spins too much to do it properly this time.

“I feel like maybe we should talk a bit more about last week. I…I know we’ve already talked, but…”

“Yeah. I guess we should.”

“I just…I’m sorry I got so angry. I wasn’t angry really, Char, just…”

“Scared?”

“Yeah. Really fucking scared.”

“I know. I…I suppose I’m not as…good as I thought I was. It’s been a while since I’ve had an appointment with Geoff, and with school and everything lately, there’s been…some cracks showing. I should have told you.”

“When you…when you say cracks…”

“...Yeah?”

“I…Charlie, please, just–tell me you’ve not–”

“Not…? Oh. Oh god, no, no, I haven’t…I haven’t hurt myself again, Nick.”

“G- god, Charlie–”

“I promise. I’d tell you. I would.”

“Okay. That’s…okay, fuck. Thank fuck.”

“Nick…”

“Fucking love you so much , you don’t even know–”

“I’m sorry. Nick, I’m so sorry–”

“ Don’t –”

“I’ve upset you–”

“Just need to know you’re safe , okay? Just–”

“I am. I will be. You know I’ve already got an appointment booked for Friday. It was the soonest I could–”

“I know, I know, thank you… ”

“And I’ve stuck with the meal plans. Swear. Even managed chocolate yesterday.”

Nick laughs wetly. Nellie tries to tilt her head up to look at him, because she knows chocolate, and she knows pets should not eat chocolate. But she’s too dizzy. The medicine from the vet’s made her feel all weak and weird.

“What kind?”

“The Oreo one. You’re right, it’s really good.”

They curl up together on the couch, Nick and Charlie and Nellie, and Nellie rests her reeling head on Nick’s belly and finally drifts off.

She feels safe. She’s surrounded by her two favourite smells.

Time continues to be hard for Nellie to understand. 

Usually, a good way to tell if a long time has passed is that Nick gets taller. But Nick hasn’t gotten taller in ages, so Nellie has no idea if a short time passes, or a long time. 

Well, Nellie’s pretty sure Nick hasn’t gotten any taller. 

But it’s hard to know, because now Nick is the one who has gone away.

Nellie doesn’t know why.

It can’t be for kennel boarding. Nick’s not a pet. And he’s not gone to Dorset, because Mum is still here. And it’s not school, because he doesn’t come back in the nights.

The only other time Nellie knows of something like this happening is when Bad David went away. But Nellie’s fairly sure Bad David went away because he was being punished. For being Bad.

Nick isn’t Bad.

Nick is Nellie’s Best Friend.

And he’s gone, and left Nellie here with Mum.

Nellie spends the first few nights outside Nick’s bedroom door. She paws at it, and whines a little. She tries to appeal to Mum; tries to do that doleful eye thing again, hoping she might be able to magically make Nellie understand what’s happened. She says “Oh, Nellie,” in that usual Mum way, but she isn’t able to explain it to her.

Nellie is miserable.

Miserable like a vet visit, or a trod-on tail, or a sore tooth.

One day, in the middle of a big sulk, Mum gets her phone out. There is a voice trapped inside, tinny and distant, but familiar, and Nellie’s heart leaps.

“--just seems so sad since he’s left for Leeds, and–well, I suppose we both know the feeling, don’t we, love? Anyway, I was thinking it might help to cheer her up a bit, if she saw you?”

That afternoon, Charlie Spring is in Nellie’s house, giving Nellie cuddles and laughing as Nellie jumps about in excitement.

Jumping about still makes her knees hurt a bit. Maybe a bit more than last time she’d tried it. But she does it anyway. She can’t seem to stop herself.

Maybe that’s a way she can measure time passing. Maybe she can use the level of knee-hurt to figure it out.

When Nick comes home, Nellie Nelson is the happiest ever .

Nick and Charlie and Mum are all there. It’s like the old times, like right at the very beginning.

Nick comes in after what they all call his ‘First Semester’. He’s had a haircut, and he’s wearing a yellowish shirt that Nellie hasn’t seen before. He’s dragging a big suitcase that clomps its way across the threshold, and makes a loud noise that almost sends Nellie scurrying away.

But he still smells the same.

He still smells like love.

He hugs Charlie so tight that he’s lifted off his feet, and then he does the same with Nellie, and then even the same with Mum, which makes her let out a wild shriek.

They take a long time eating a loud, laughing meal at the dinner table. Charlie doesn’t sneak Nellie anything. His plate is piled full, and he eats every single bite.

Rude.

Charlie’s smile is big and fearless, and he holds Nick’s hand and talks animatedly to Nick and Mum like he’s always been part of the house.

He has been, Nellie thinks. Hasn’t he? 

Was there ever a time before Charlie Spring?

Charlie scratches Nellie’s neck and says, “This lovely lady took good care of us both, don’t you worry. Nellie’s been amazing at holding down the fort.”

There is something about the way Charlie says it; the way he says everything now.

He doesn’t talk like a pet. He doesn’t talk like he needs looking after. 

He talks like Nick went away for a probably-long time, and that he was just fine. That he did it, all on his own. He did something big and important. He’s proud.

He still looks at Nick the exact same. Like Nick is the best thing ever - because he is. His eyes go shiny and squinty and bright. He smiles with his whole face - maybe with his whole body. 

But he’s not small like Nellie anymore. 

He’s big like Nick. 

Not actually. But it seems it. He seems as big as Nick now, somehow; like he takes up the same amount of space in the world. 

Nick waits until Mum leaves the room to clear the plates, then leans in and puts his mouth very close to Charlie’s.

“Missed you,” he murmurs. “Missed you so much. Love you.”

Nellie knows lots of things, because Nellie is very clever. 

Even when Nellie’s knees are sore, and she feels very tired, she’s still very clever.

Nellie knows Love You.

Love You might just be the thing that Nellie knows best. Even more than Dorset and quadratic equations. 

Love You is in the room with them, in the walls of the house. Filling in all the empty spaces. Even when Nick and Charlie aren’t there.

It will still be there if Nellie ever goes anywhere too, she thinks.

Nick is bigger than most things. 

Nick is bigger than everything in the whole house, just about. He’s bigger than Nellie and Mum and Henry and Charlie. 

Love You is bigger.

The biggest.

Nellie’s eyes feel a bit bleary. A bit heavy.

She tip-taps her way out from under the table to the couch, where she decides to have a little sleep. Just a little one.

Love You will still be there in the morning.