Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

TAGS : angst x1000. Fluff too. Also humor. Domestic fluff (if we can call this domestic). Domestic violence (I wasn’t sure about that one but I have to sorry). Very dark setting regardless of the fluff and humor. Slow-burn. Childhood flashbacks with fluff & feelings and oh, more angst. Adult Timebomb slow-burn. Then it gets hot. Sex. Kinda bdsm sometimes. Grinding. Passionate. Mutual pining. Dirty talk, bickering and dominance fight during sex. Ekko POV throughout the whole fic until end of part 1 where you'll see it unravel with what Jinx has really been up to. Jinx is broken at first. Very, very broken. Ekko's broken too but you'll catch that throughout the story. Old & new Traumas. PTSD. Hurt. Self-arm (for both - you'll understand). Comfort. Dissociation. It gets bad till it gets better. Then it gets darker again. Then better. How do I tag. Jinx absolutely needs a hug in this. So does Ekko honestly. Ekko thinks she's dead. She really is until she’s not. Jinx has forgotten about a lot of things. Warwick is there and she calls him Wolfie. She sees someone interesting in her hallucinations (no it's not Vi nor Silco). Jinx believes she's a monster and has the mind of a 6 year old wild kid surviving on instincts. She also looks like a wild animal surviving on instincts when Ekko finds her. Ekko thinks she heals until he realizes she's been going down the well behind his back. They fight. A lot. Bincker like they were kids too. And there's more sex again (when Jinx is back in her right mind that is). He doesn't know if she loves him or hates him but neither does she. Ekko knows she'll be dooming them all at some point and eventually, she does. (don't worry story ends well tho. At least I think.) Vi dies. Then lives (again). Ekko cares for Jinx and he's so good at it you'll melt. He helps her not knowing where this will lead them. But sometimes it’s too much for him and he ends up hurting her too. Cause he’s hurt too. Ekko is too old to be fathering but he does it anyway. Not like he has a choice. Powder is a little shit. Jinx is so broken in some scenes you’ll probably develop PTSD from reading this. Though if you think this is the kind of Jinx I usually write and will portray throughout the whole fic you couldn’t be more wrong. Just wait for it. Oh also Jinx looks like Rappunzel. Years have passed and she still hasn’t cut her hair and doesn’t want to and Ekko is tired of her shit.

Warnings : If you have this kind of traumas, please note that this story might trigger traumas related to : torture, abuse, PTSD, suicidal thoughts/attemps, self-hatred, self-hurt, self-destruction, self-laothing, attachement & abandonement issues, grief, eaten disorders, childhood trauma, negligence and traumas of all kind, depression, domestical violence, mind destruction/manipulation - and probably more I might forget. I've put them all in the tags.

Warning 2 : very angst, dark, also might be gore at some parts (mentions in descriptions of corpses, insects, blood, etc). Madness. Too much realistic I think so if you're struggling with life yourself, depression, traumas and mental issues, I please advise you to consider reading this twice. Also sex but that isn't a warning, this is mature, don't like don't read. I wrote that to cope with my own Traumas & PTSD that came-back years after I was mainly done with it. This is all very detailed and psychological so really, it isn't for fragile souls. Please be aware. I'm serious.

Date of writing : 09 October 2022 (just before my birthday. Had shit to unleash.)

Disclaimer : You’ll perhaps hate Ekko as much as you’ll love him, cause his POV is made in such a way that just like every human being he has thoughts sometimes that aren’t always kind nor publicly acceptable/politically correct. But it’s made on purpose. You’ll see him make mistakes and think wrongly and act badly so that you can evolve with him and see he’s an unperfect human too and that’s ok. It perhaps will strike you or upset you sometimes, but it’s done on purpose. Wait until you learn more about his/their past, his thoughts and feelings, before judging him too hard. (You’ll see him hate on Vi by example in some of his thoughts, but please note that those aren’t my personal thoughts, it’s what I imagined Ekko to feel with the little information he had at the time. Later on in the story as he’ll meet with Vi again and will understand more about what happened that night, he’ll learn from his mistake and you’ll see his POV evolve just like his thoughts towards her.

Disclaimer 2 : I waited until I was almost done writing this story before posting it, because the subjects can be really triggering to some. Also, it was really important for me to portray different kinds of PTSD and traumas and how it affects a person, and since this is a Timebomb fic, I wanted to be very careful with how I’d introduce the intimacy/sex scenes into it without making it feel like Ekko is “taking advantage’’ of Jinx’s mental state. Even if he has her consent, doing it with her while she’s having the mentality of a young teenager would not have done it, so I really needed to work on how exactly I would introduce this kind of intimacy between them without it feeling like she has daddy issues or something. We all know adult Jinx from the show “acts like a child’’, but she is not a child in the show, she just acts like one because you tend to act more childishly in the presence of a parental figure (Silco) - but here, she is not acting, she is literally most of the time stuck in a traumatic child’s mental state so it really wouldn’t have done it to introduce such scenes with her having that kind of mentality. I really worked hard to portray it as I wanted because I didn’t want people to assume the wrong things with this story. I think it turned out pretty well, and it’s better than I first imagined, but you’ll also see that as passionate and liberating as it can be for both of them, it will also throw a dark cloud over their relationship and the story as Jinx is using it as a coping mechanism to shield herself from her traumas, and Ekko ends up knowing she does, but is too in love to stop her, and their relationship becomes toxic at some point without him being able to do anything about it (until he does, of course, or there won’t be any story obsly~).

Summary : takes place after Act 3. Jinx disappears and Ekko thinks she's hiding somewhere and will make her great come-back someday, and so do the kids and citizens who spread rumors about her preparing her next move like she's some doomed legend.

Three years go by without a single word nor true sighing of her, and Ekko admits to himself that she's dead.

Until he goes down the deepest side of the Lanes to investigate rumors of a growling beast scaring people to chills, down there in the junk-yard no one dared step foot in - and gets saved by a ghost.

Or where Jinx believes she's a monster and that she belongs among monsters and where Ekko tries to help her put back the broken pieces of her scattered mind all-together as she's trapped inside the traumatic mind of a six-year-old child.

Until she recalls having wings once, and decides to spread them again burning down everything in her path.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

DISCLAIMER : Jinx is not ALWAYS stuck in a child's mental state (that would be.. well, WEIRD.) She has back and forth between traumatic parts of herself, past traumas and more recent ones, but Ekko learns to adjust. Also, I know this might sometimes look like she's having Dissociative Identity Disorder to the reader, but please note that this is not a subject I'm depicting here (also, just wait for it, you'll understand as the story unravels. It will all make sense). That said, please enjoy your reading!

Chapter Text

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Chapter I - The Creator

She was a Monster. 

That's what most people said anyway. 

Not only did she unleash a massive bomb on a city and kill its leaders and innocent people along with it, the rumor of Silco's death was quick to run through the streets of the cursed-twin towns, and left him and other citizens in the same shocked and relieved state equally. 

Silco was gone and so was his powerful influence over the city. His goons had scattered around the town and most were too weak or afraid to pursue their criminal activity now that the Firelights were growing bigger and more efficient at stopping the still on-going shimmer-factories, but the main reason for them to be successful in the first place was because Silco wasn’t the only one who’d been missing from the picture over the last few months.

The disappearance of Jinx after that night had run through the worried and excited mouths of the citizens like a banger song into nightclubs, and as much as those voice expressed surprise and admiration, it also threw curses and shocked, disgust rumors about that now called “Loose-Canon” who’d been nothing than the exact curse its name was carrying. 

She'd killed her own father. 

People didn't really care about the man's death nor the Piltover politician’s really, it was even a relief to most, but still. How cold of a monster Jinx must be, to kill the one who'd taken her under his wing ? That's what the citizens were saying anyway. 

And Ekko didn't really know what to think of it.

She killed her own father, that was a fact. Innocents, his friends, her family, too. Jinx was living up to her name and he didn't quite know what to make of it as he didn't hear from her since the day she unleashed that rocket onto the crimson night sky.

It had been four months since her attack on the council and both cities were tracking her guts like she'd be dooming the human race to apocalypse if she wasn't catch on time, and while he stayed out of it, he couldn't help but feel stress every time he’d see an enforcer patrol run down the block after an in-tell told them they saw her in whatever place she'd decided on showing up.

He knew it was a bunch of lies. No one truly saw her since that day and lots of people were just eager to pocket the high reward that was set for her head, but as far as those in-tell went, it was just a bunch of either scared people that saw a girl that could match her description, or people who'd admire her for what she did and wanted to drive the enforcers nuts.

As far as he knew - and because he couldn't help but wonder what the hell went through her mind that day - he checked up every single one of them, and never came up with any good in-tell as to her whereabouts or what she could be up to.

Hiding had always been her strong spot, that Ekko knows from the many times they've played hide and seek when they were kids or the times she'd tie a chumper bomb to one of his friends just to drag him into playing this cat and mouse game with her, but as much as he would have liked to ask her what the hell went through her head to go as far as blowing the council’s chambers, he decided not to care about her as much as he used to after he talked with Vi and understood that night had probably driven Jinx into an even worse unstable state that he knew she's been all those years.

If there was one thing he knew he had since childhood, it was a sharp mind, and if Jinx had been so desperate and hateful to push away her own sister that night, he could only guess she'd do the same with him, even more abruptly so, that was a certainty. So he wouldn't risk himself trying to reach out to her, not when she seemed so eager on not wanting to be found.

If she'd find a place good enough to be laying low all those months it was for the better if she'd stayed there, be it for the citizens of Zaun or those scaredy-cats of Piltoverians, but mostly for his sanity. 

He didn't have the strength to wonder about what chaos she might bring into his life now that she was off Silco's leash.

She was a monster to most people's eyes, and either people said it out of fear, or out of admiration, voice full of hopes of one day being able to live up to her strength and unwavering courage to go after Piltover's high authorities. But the conclusion was always the same : Jinx was a legend, feared and admired both equally, and as months went by, her disappearance made the legend even more epic, and the rumors less and less trustworthy.

With time, some kids started copying her style ; tagging her name on the streets, and the more it became obvious that she won't come back, the more people tried to live up to her legacy and started messing up with Piltover like Jinx would do when she was younger. It wasn't rare to see enforcers breaking out doors just in search for the kids that would have painted the streets of Piltover neon pink or would have made messy glitter bombs explode at the center of The Progress Day, with a megaphone hijacked to laugh at the enforcer's incompetence at finding the most wanted criminal in Runeterra.

Some people thought she'd moved her mischiefs to another city, and was living her best life in some other town, making random rich folks crazy with her jokes and threats.

Most said she was dead.

Ekko didn't know what to think of these two options, but the latter was the most believable for him.

It had almost been two years, and Jinx still hadn't showed up.

When he returns to the Firelight's hideout that day, he's exhausted, like most of these days. 

They’ve successfully managed to destroy all shimmer-factories that were still on-going after Silco’s death, and even though some of his old gang were still active doing criminal activities that kept harming the citizens of Zaun, their influence had gone thin since they’ve broken all deals with Piltover the moment Silco wasn’t there to make them anymore. Shimmer itself and chembarons still subsisted and they fought from time to time, when their activity would slow-down theirs or when they’d make the access for food, supplies and water difficult for him and his people, but as much as they fought the Firelights, they also had to face the enforcers that were tracking their guts on Jayce Tallis and the Sherif’s orders, and it made it easier for them to take them down when they were on such reduced number fighting double fronts.

Fights and dangerous missions were a rare thing in his daily life now, and if he had to admit some of his thoughts, he’d say he missed the adrenaline and the fun of a good fight, but he tells himself he’s survived on instincts and fists since the day he was born, so maybe it was for the better he embraced this new routine and stop wishing for something bad to happen just so that he can have the occasion to fix it. 

Most of his days were now filled with trivial things such as working at the fields, or building up safe houses and tools for his people and the new-comers that kept joining them. They’ve kept teaching still remaining addicts how to do something with their lives in a non-criminal way, since so many of them never even had a chance to start their adulthood, before shimmer clouded their abilities to even think properly.

They’ve been helping and working along the border for a few years now. Selling their skills and gadgetry for little money, sure, but still honest money, or a good exchange of deals and services : that was basically how they’ve been subsisting. Or so he should say, thriving.

Their little safety camp had grown so big the last few years there were times he couldn't believe it himself.

Sometimes he recalls that first girl he helped off the streets when he was about twelve years old, and remembers her telling him about her little brother and how she needed to get back to him. He remembers the tree he had found and had been hiding in for a few weeks, having drawn that blue X on the wall in hopes Powder would reach out to him. 

He remembers how he'd tell that derelict of a girl to come with him because he might know of a place where she and her brother would be safe from shimmer, and she followed weakingly, full of hopes and fears. He then remembers the few orphans that followed the next days, and how they started helping shimmer-addicts that came across their path as they searched for food and supplies.

Their base looked nothing like a safe camp now. It looked more like a small, living and lively village growing bigger and busier by the hour under its massive, colorful tree. So many people joined them out of fear, in search for help, recovery or just to join their cause and help them make Zaun a better place that there was barely space for anyone new. 

Some of them had managed to build other safety-houses around the city, but the tree itself barely had any space left on its branches for a new cabanon. The chatter, laughs and noises were so loud that it nearly resembled the center of the Lanes. It used to make him so proud a few years ago, but today, as tiredness and boredom overwhelmed him, he wished he could get some place quieter like the tree used to be when he was younger.

He goes straight to his room on top of the tree before anyone catches up to him and invades his thoughts, and he lays down on his bed after having shut down the wooden curtains.

Jinx was most probably dead. It was unbelievable for him to think so a few years ago ; to imagine she'd be gone just like that, as quick as you’d snap your fingers, but he knew Powder way too much to know it was unlike like her to not show up at some point. 

He'd heard of her bombing if she'd taken her crazy down to another city. There was no way she wouldn't get mad at some high authorities at some point and blow their ass off  just for having dared forbid her to crosspass some place. He just knew they would have heard of a new criminal terrorizing a city if she'd ever gone some place elsewhere.

No he thought she was just... laying low or some shit. Grieving, maybe. Believing she was a Jinx. Hating herself. 

That was until the kids started copying her graffs and some courageous-punk teenagers would start building small bombs to lunch at Piltover. 

As much as he pretended he didn't care he would be lying if he said his heart didn't start racing a few months ago, when he heard about such explosions in Piltover. As much as he hated himself over it, he couldn't have helped a slight peak of relief at the mere thought of her presence being somewhere around, some place near. Where he could see her. 

Feel her.

But then he heard it was just copycats, and he felt stressed again, but even then the relief and hopes stayed, cause hey, that was Jinx we were talking about, right. No way she would let some kids copy her style and not come back from the hellish shadows she must have hid herself in all those years just to show them how it's done.

Just like many others, when people started copying her mischiefs, he believed the rumors and even got excited by them.

''Jinx will definitely show up and make an explosive come-back. A great entrance!''

He would throw his eyes at the back of his head when he'd pass by such rumors, but then he'd get a smirk on his face and think ''yeah, that’s definitely how she’ll come-back.”

And then she didn't.

One more year, and the kid's mischief went on, and the posters for her rewards stopped being renewed, and as he stayed staring at one ripped poster on a rooftop's wall one rainy afternoon, he wondered where she was, and if she really was dead.

On the day of the Anniversary of the third year after the council's bombing - after once again having had hopes that she would show up and make a great come-back at the commemoration that took place, like each year, at the center of Piltover - he acknowledges the fact that she was most likely to be dead. 

Because there had been a speech. 

Jayce Tallis was there, as usual, giving the honors. That sherif woman was there, Vi was there, enforcers were there, even politicians from near-by cities that came to pay their respect to the deads and hear it all about how outrageous, murderous and horrible that terrorist act had hurt their city at its very core, and oh God what a direct declaration of War it was to Progress itself and the people that live in the future and for the future - even them were there. 

And for the first time, among them, on top of the lively bright richie’s crowd, along with hundreds of faded, grayish dull forms, he was there too : sitting on the roof tiles, waiting silently along the excited voices of the many kids that sneaked out of the Undercity just to assist this commemoration in hopes of seeing something explode and pink glitter and paint and butterfly and shit of all kinds fly over the place and ruin their glorious gathering. 

Their imagination had no limit. Some even said she’d make a dragon appear and throw flames at the poster boy. Ekko couldn’t help but smile hearing them, cause he thinks Powder was also full of imagination. And damn this sounded like something she might actually pull off.

It had been the kid’s idea at first. They started spreading the word through the Undercity then posters and drawings were made and just like a disease on cold winter nights it spread through the dirty streets and noisy clubs and ran down the mouths of the underground’s citizens like rats through the pipes. 

Most people didn’t care about Jinx anymore ; most thought she was dead, but a lot of them still admired her for what she had the guts to do. But most of all, still hated Piltover enough to want to see them suffer like their daily lives were making them. 

So they turned that moment into their own commemoration. Mocked Piltover by staying there - on sight on their rooftops without them being able to do anything about it because poster-boy had declared this day to be a “non-violent’’ day. They stayed seated there making them think they were here to pay respect to their dead too and not support what doom Jinx had brought to their city, when they were in fact here to make her know they’d admired her for it and wished her to do it again. 

It was an open mockery and funny event for the Zaunites mostly, but even though the kids were openly hopeful and excited at the thought of seeing Jinx making her come-back, there was no hope greater than the one his chest held when he joined the crowd of human rats sitting on the roofs that night.

He stayed there, eyes empty and unfocused, listening to the hopes of the citizens fade as the fireworks were launched, and he kept staring at the Pilties crowd hoping to catch the quick lightening of an early-detonation before it built up in a sudden, giant powerful blast and set everything in flames ; but nothing happened. 

The fireworks went on, under the respectful, admiring applause and smiles of the Piltover citizens and their leaders, and his expression was as blank as many other Zaunites whose life had been tough enough for them to keep on living not minding the hurt and disappointment anymore as they embraced resilience a long time ago.

She didn’t show up. And just like the rest of the Zaunites that hoped to see her ruin it all, he went home silently, a dull expression on his face, as they listened to the both deceived and vengeful chatter of the kids running back to the Undercity, and remembered their own childhood and identical feelings of frustration as they started realizing their unbearable petiteness.

It had been three years, and she didn’t show up.

And he knows she’s dead.

He brings back a burried thought out of his memory, one he's been locking away for so long, and reminds himself of the last time he stared into Powder's eyes and the ticking sound of the chumper she’s let fall from her hand comes back buzzing in his ears and he finally admits to himself that she was suicidal.

She killed Silco. She'd lived all those years in hopes of reuniting with her sister just for them to be dragged to the point of no return, and she had to live knowing that she Jinxed it all once again. Killing another loved one, drifting her sister away, a sister that was now living top-side, literally sleeping in the enemy's bed.

Ekko thought Jinx was strong. 

If there was something that he knew and that most people would never know about Jinx, it’s that she wasn't as strong as she pretended to be, for he knew Powder, and as much as he believed in Powder's strengths and abilities, he, just like her, knew that they were both weak back then, and he understood why she didn't want it to be that way anymore, cause he was just the same.

They were both weak kids living up to what they wished to become, and even if Powder's rupture with her child-self was more radical than his own, he always understood why she chose to leave the weak child behind in means to become the strong and unwavering fighter she grew up to be. He always admired her for that strength she drew out of her fears but it's not like he ever told her, nor will be able to now.

Cause she had the strength to make it, while he couldn't separate himself from his weak-self, and grew up with him still very well-attached to his every action. While Jinx on the other hand - Jinx was strong, stronger than he'll ever be, detached from her feelings, from the fears that clouded her way when she was a child.

… Or so he thought.

He realized that night on the bridge that he had been wrong all those years to think that she'd become the perfect warrior she wished to be as a child, and that she'd separate herself from her feelings all this time.

Love blinds one's eye Scar once told him, and even if he didn't know he was down because of Jinx the day he told him that, Ekko understood those words pretty clearly.

It was better for him to believe that she wasn't feeling anything, than to believe that he was just weaker than her for letting his feelings get in the way of his judgment and abilities to fight.

Powder wasn't dead. Cause if she was, Jinx would still be around.

He forced himself to believe Jinx was strong, but she wasn't. She was still as broken as Powder had been, and that's what built her strength all those years, but as much as he believed in her ability to bounce back on her feet, he also knew there was so much a human being could take, and Jinx's been through a lot.

And as he reminded himself of her will to die that night, he now acknowledges the fact that since then she'd lost even more and had endured even more than when she tried to blow herself on that bridge.

And her not showing up these last three years probably only meant one thing...

She decided to Jinx herself too, as she couldn't bear with what happened three years ago.

* * *

He doesn't cry. He doesn't grieve for her cause he grieved Powder so many times before that it just feels like meeting back an old friend ; an old feeling that lingers and just tickles his heart in an unsettling, unpleasant way from time to time when he passes by a neon-pink graffiti or a ripped WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE poster.

He doesn't listen to the rumors anymore, even if those start to fade as months go by and there is still not a single sign from Jinx. Most people believed she was dead, and had moved on with their lives. Even the enforcers didn't bother coming down to the Undercity anymore when bounty-hunters try to make them believe they saw sight of the Loose Canon near the abandoned docks.

Ekko works on his Z-drive when he needs his mind set on something and goes to help at the fields where the Firelights have established a camp and when he's in the mood, he teaches kids how to build harvesting tools or gadgets. 

He goes out with a girl from time to time and even starts falling in love. One day they pass by a ''Jinx RULES'' graffiti and his heart doesn't sting, and when his girlfriend asks him if he thinks she's dead, he just shrugs his shoulders, telling her she most likely is. 

His girlfriend answers ''Good.'', and just like that he falls out of love for her, and breaks up two weeks later. 

There's a rumor of a hideous monster living in the pipes circulating through the Lanes, and Ekko doesn't pay attention to it at first, but the more horrified the rumors get, the more it seems obvious that there's something going on with the downside-part of the city where the rubble, wreckage and trash thrives so nauseously than no sane soul would ever dare set foot near it in fear of falling from the edge, being buried upon a broken wreckage, or simply being intoxicated.

When two men come-back wounded, forearms missing and their owners so horrified that they couldn't even speak coherent words before blacking out and dying from the loss of blood, Ekko decides he has to investigate.

Kids talked about a buzzing growl that echoed through the pipes, and for a few weeks now the rumors have become so dark and whispered in worried tones that all adults and parents had forbid the kids to go play in the areas that were linking the Lanes to the slums, making the streets dead empty when he carefully hovered through them until he reached the edge of the rift where the attack apparently occurred.

Ekko could tell he was on the right track, cause as soon as he arrives he sees the bloody marks the hands of the guys have left on the dusty ground, but he could also tell that the amount of blood didn’t match the missing body parts, so he knows they must have gone down there in search of shimmer or old scraps to steal from the dumpyard.

These people should have known better, as this is the place everyone's been avoiding for decades.

Years of Piltover trashing down their garbage on the Undercity had the Undercity itself trashed down the same garbage on top of theirs even more down below, turning the down-side of the Lanes into a giant, toxic, dark and unsafe place to live or travel through, and Ekko wouldn't be surprised if he'd discover new species in there that could easily be considered as ''monsters'', seeing the toxic air and environment in which it would have thrived. 

If there was something as a blood-thristy monster in here, they had to get rid of it before it started mutating or wanting to climb its way up in search of more decent food – especially now that it had tasted human flesh - and since making the Lanes safe had been his duty for a bit more than a decade now, there was no way he'd let that happen - not on his watch anyway.

He gives the trashfall of pipes, garbage and wreckage a last annoyed look, before he activates his oxygen mask and starts hovering down the endless hill disappearing into the fog. 

He lights up a flare as he goes down, trying to see through the smoke, but his vision stays unclear for almost a minute before he starts seeing shapes again.

He stays on high alert, trying to catch rumbling sounds or a growl or any sign of his presence being spotted by a beast that would run on the trash to try and approach him, but he hears nothing, if it isn't for the sound of his hoverboard and the steady rhythm of his pulse going wild against his ears.

He spots a clear spot on the left and hovers towards it, going back up in a quick smooth turn. He lends on an endless hill of trash and watches the scenery. 

A heavy sigh escapes his mouth when he takes in the desolate land, and wonders for how long has this been going on. For how long have the rich been shitting on the poor. For how long the Undercity itself have been trying to get rid of their trash by, them too, forgetting about the earth they’ve been exploiting to try and catch up to the same people they hated, and just robotically trashed down the wastes and wreckage even further below in order to not be buried underneath, cause that would have slowed down their attempt at rising at their level.

Ekko puts a foot on a huge broken pipe to steady himself and a can frees itself from the hold the accumulation of trash had on it, and he watches as gravity pulls it down in a noisy, long travel down onto the fog. 

He curses as he hears the sound echoing through the giant dumpyard and definitely makes his presence known, if anyone was even there to notice.

He swallows down his saliva and watches around, then upwards to examine the fog he just flown through, and wonders how deep into the ''Under'' city he was now. There's still a good way to go seeing how he still couldn't see the ground but he had a pretty good upper-view of the place from where he stood, and he could see it was way bigger than he had expected, with piles and hills of trash endlessly going onto the horizon where an even more dark cloud of gas and dust was making any assumption of the edge impossible.

A cockroach passes on a near-by remnant of a closet, and he sighs when he sees it glimmering from shimmer.

He takes out one of the bombs he has taken the habit to craft for his investigations – kids aren't the only ones copycating Jinx, he must admit – and starts hovering down again.

He reaches the ground two minutes later or so, and as he looks up, there's no way to tell if he's in hell or if there's a sky above his head. That much he expected. But he didn't expect light to still find its way down here.

It wasn't light per so, more like the reflection of the lights beneath the nuclear pillars of the Undercity that were providing them energy that were so powerful that it'd still pierce through the fog, turning its white-faded color into an opaque greenish beacon that was lingering in the air like a ghost river smoothly coursing its course through the junk alleys. It reflected down on the many trash around, making it feel like the broken iron and metal remains were wet with rain, but it helped provide him some kind of knowledge of where he stood and what was surrounding him, which was at least helpful. 

Ekko still needed to keep the flare on to be able to see where he stepped, so he held it in front of him as he set his hoverboard on his back and gulped down again as his senses stayed alert.

He noticed a few sounds that resembled bats or mice, but the silence was deafening otherwise, as there was no sign of living -monstrously-like- creatures around. Above him, in the far distance, the rumbling and buzzing sound of the pillars and mechanics of the Undercity was piercing the emptiness like it was coming from the sky itself, making him wonder if it was thunder, and if it was safe for him to be under that toxic fog if rain decided to pour down.

He peeked behind him, towards what seemed to be the beginning of the trash hill he just went down, and after having made sure he was ''back against the wall'' and that there was no one nor anything behind him, he straightened his arm and threw the flare ahead to make his path more clear.

A sudden movement where his flare fell got him tightening his grip on the bomb right away, and his heart raced as he watched a dark form crawl to the pile of trash on the side - curling behind it as it whimpered and groaned in discomfort.

Lighting up a second flare, Ekko frowned and carefully walked forward, looking at the hooded form with racing heartbeats.

The form quickly disappeared in the crook of a pipe as he approached, and he could hear the steady, scared rhythm in which it fumbled through the junk in means to get away.

He sighted, and carefully kept walking.

He walks for a few minutes trying to familiarize himself with the area, and doesn’t meet anything lively apart from a few insects, until he’s met with another dark form that curls onto itself at the sight of his flare, and Ekko feels his heart waver when he realizes there’s more “living’’ creatures down here than he’d expected.

He had already seen such things. People, he should say, but he didn't know if people would be the right term to describe what these poor souls had become.

His flare lit up the form as he approached and he stopped before he could get too close, watching as the deformed shimmered-creature looked at him with unsteady eyes, shielding itself from the light.

Ekko swallowed his saliva and wondered if it was safe for him to pass by, or if he should kill it. He would definitely put him out of its misery, but he also heard stories about shimmer-addicts turned into bloodthirsty monsters and as much as he wasn't sure if those were true, he wasn't really intending to test those rumors on himself.

He had this gut feeling that as scared and weak as the creature might be, it would attack him the moment he would turn his back on it, and Ekko would have no choice than to react on instincts and the bomb might draw attention and possibly get him into bigger danger if the piles of trash crumbled down on him and he finds himself buried underneath. He surely wasn't expecting to find so much trash in here. Nor - still - living junkies. Bombs were definitely not the smartest of ideas.

He was still figuring out what to do with the shimmer-addict that was on his path - wondering if he should go back and come back another day more prepared - when a growl behind him suddenly made him turn on his feet. 

His flare lightens the face of another hooded-creature jumping right at him, and he barely has the time to step back and catch his balance as he feels his heart skip a beat that the creature is already reaching for him with its claws. 

He gasps and goes straight for the bomb detonator, but a deafening noise echoes through the giant trash-land a second before he does, and he instinctively closes his eyes in recoil as the sound resonates through the sky and echoes loudly into the distance. 

When Ekko opens his eyes just a second after, he sees the head of the creature in front of him suddenly propels sideways, and its body follows limp. 

His eyes widen when he sees the blood splattering the trash-wall next to him, painting the furniture and junk with deep purple stains that make bloody rivers travel down the rusty wreckage.

Its body falls on the ground, and Ekko feels his heart bouncing like on a race, but he doesn't have the time to think before he has to turn around again and finally unleash his bomb on the other shimmer-addict he'd seen previously and that was running on all fours towards him.

He shields himself from the blast and jumps on his hoverboard, quickly flying up and lighting a third flare to light up his surroundings.

“Hello??”

He scans the area, looking for any sign of life for a few minutes, but since he can't seem to find any he goes down again and jumps off a little further than where his bomb exploded. 

He turns the flare towards the pile of junk where the shot was most likely to have come from, and breathes hard.

His mouth was dry, and his heart was beating fast from the adrenaline. His senses were sharp as razor blades as he listened carefully, trying to catch a noise, any sign of a living form around him, but the silence was deafening. 

He didn't know what to say. What to call out for.

He just knew it was her.

He never knew anyone who could shoot so precisely through almost absolute darkness. 

“Powder ?” he called warily, but there was no answer.

He turned around, trying to scan the area, and see if any shadow or unusual movement would catch his eye, but he sees nothing. On the other hand, he senses something. 

Even though the place is deadly silent, apart from the distant noise of bats flapping their wings or probable rats fumbling through the junk, he has a weird feeling in his guts, and a cold, shivering pull in his spine makes his body tense and straight as a spike like its getting ready to turn and defend itself any given moment.

He just senses he’s not alone anymore, and the awareness of knowing someone was there a minute ago, luring in the dark, makes him pretty much aware that he’s probably been followed since the moment he set foot in here. 

And the person not showing up before the exact moment he was attacked by the shimmer-creature, only meant one thing to him.

That person protected him, and perhaps, it was because that person knew him.

“I know it's you.” he says again, his voice echoing through the giant, desolate space. 

This time again, he gets no answer, so he sighs and grinds his teeth against the inside of his cheek.

He resumes walking, carefully, guided by the remains of his last flare slowly burning out on the road, and when he reaches it, he grabs it from the ground and throws it ahead once again, lighting up his path.

He walks a few more minutes without meeting any shimmer addicts, but he knows he's not alone anymore.

He can hear someone following him.

He doesn’t see anyone nor anything when he looks behind him, and he knows it’s coming from the junk on the sides, but the place is so huge and desert that any sound resonates through it, and he can’t really tell if it was coming from the hill on the left or the junk piles on the right. He just hears a steady, irregular trod, followed by a discreet scraping sound, and he guesses it comes from feet and has the mental-image of two braids sliding behind them like sneaky snakes on their prey.

He stops a few seconds later when some trash falls down from above, somewhere on the left side, and it scrambles down the trash hill in a fast, noisy bounce. He warily looks in the direction and sees a shadow going from one abandoned frizzer to another wrecked furniture, and if it wasn't for the fog that was making the surroundings a little bit more clear, he wouldn't have made the difference between one form or the other.

But the form he saw looked nothing like a wreckage, a bird, or a bat ; but neither did it look like the Jinx he knew either. But at least, it didn't look like a giant, hideous monster, which was a relief. He just hoped his heart wasn't making up false hopes and playing tricks on him right now.

His pulse was beating like crazy. He readied himself to draw a second bomb just in case as he watched the shadow slightly move behind the furniture, but it stayed hidden there while he stood silent.

“I know you're following me. Just show yourself.”

He doesn't know who that might be, but even if it wasn't Powder, he was still smart enough to know the thing could shoot, and was most likely to be on ''his side'' since it literally just saved his life. Whatever was his mysterious follower, it was most likely to be human or among the intelligent spices from their world to be able to handle a gun, so he figures it must speak their language or at least understand his words.

He sees the side of the abandoned cupboard or whatever furniture that was, start to grow a little bit more dark as the form moved from behind it, and even if he can't really see with his flare blinding his sight on top of the already pre-dominant darkness around, he feels his heart beating hard as it engulfed itself with a long-lost hope.

He sees pale skin and glowing eyes, and that's the only thing he has the time to see before a wicked noise on the road catches his attention again, and he turns towards where he's thrown the flare to see a bigger form on the ground from which emanates growls and licking sounds.

Ekko frowns as he watches a shimmered-creature look up, showing its bloody teeth, before turning back to the messy form on the ground and resuming to eat at it.

He feels his guts stir violently and threaten to turn his insides upside down.

« What is it doing ? » he asks, and he knows she hears.

She was slowly coming down the junk hill, nearing him by the second.

« Eating his friend. »

Her voice is like a cold river violently coursing through his veins and as much as he acknowledges it really is her, she also doesn't sound like her at all.

He turns around to face her and watches abashed at her ghostly figure. His heart is beating fast from the adrenaline and the realization, but she's not looking at him at all, and he feels like until she's met his eyes, there's no way he'll fully acknowledge that it really was her coming down that cliff of junk like a goddamn revenant. 

He sees her lift her gun and aim without even looking at the creature as she's still staring blankly at the ground somewhere between them, and when he hears her pull the trigger, he knows it reaches her aim and he finally acknowledges that it really is her.

He watches her shoot at it like it’s a mere insect piercing her peaceful bubble and he flinches a little, but letting aside the shock to see shimmer-addicts really being cannibals like the rumors were saying were true, he looks at her and feels like being faced with a real-life ghost and the horror that comes from such a sight is something that can't be described before living it yourself, no matter how much of a ghost-stories-lover you might be.

She looks like a mess. A real, real mess ; not like the sophisticated-kind of mess that you see Zaunites girls wear as a style or a surviving skin in the dead-cold toxic streets of their town, but the kind of mess that you'd beat up for hours, abuse, toy with and throw away like garbage just to pick it up from the muddy ground and do it all over again. 

Her skin was so pale it was the brighter source of white in this whole trashland, but it was covered in dust and scratches and whatever substance that splotched it and even her shoulders were stained with blood and dirt and it seemed like it had been there for a while. Her lips were dried and white like she'd been out in the cold for too long, and Ekko could swear a dead body would look less skinnier than hers right now.

Her hair was loose and tangled, and perhaps there was still some bands and hair-clips from her last braids in it cause there was a huge bunch of knots in the back and it looked like it had pieces of some things tangled inside it but he couldn't tell if it was her old hair-clips or just some trash her hair would have gotten along her way and kept imprisoned in its knots. 

She looked like a fury out of its cage, or a lion whose fur would never have stopped growing until it became like a fluffy ball twice bigger than its head, and for a second, Ekko wonders if when she'll open her mouth to speak again, he would see bloody teeth just like ones of a wild animal ready to aim at his throat.

Her eyes were empty and unfocused like she’s sleep-walking, and Ekko wonders if he really did hear her speak right now. 

It seemed like she was on the other side of the fog. Of reality itself. Like she entirely lost herself in her own mind, or in another world. And Ekko wonders what. The. Hell.

“Powder what the hell are you doing here ?”

She finally looks at him like she's just noticing his presence. She looks at his face for a split second then at his chest for just as long, before her eyes dart to the side and widens a bit as she stays silent.

She doesn’t fucking say a thing, nor have any kind of reaction beside looking at the road like she’s cut from the moment, and he frowns, his heart beating like crazy. 

She’s barely acknowledging his presence, either less reacting to it. He could be a ghost, a bug or a dead shimmer-addict’s corpse, it would probably make her have the same reaction, cause she looked dead from this world herself.

“Are you ok?”

Ekko knows she's already elsewhere, thinking other thoughts than what she should be thinking in means to give him an answer ; he can tell by the movie and fast trail of thoughts he sees happening in her eyes.

“Where have you been all those years ?” he asks again, but she almost interrupts him, turning away from him as she starts walking towards the dead forms of the shimmer addicts.

“You shouldn't have come here.” she says blankly, walking fast, and Ekko can't help but think the nervous and strong, animalistic nearly, way that she walked, contrasts with her weakened form.

He frowns and goes after her, not knowing what to say yet as he watches the mess that was her hair crawling down on the floor behind her, and all the trash and pens and bad imitation of origami birds that she seemed to have put inside it.

She shoves one of the bloody corpses aside and jumps down in a squat near the other, then starts fumbling through its pockets.

Ekko feels both terrified and stressed out as he watches her, while she’s mumbling incoherent words.

She looks like a fucking animal. Some lost beaten up animal that would have lived off the streets and survived on instincts and teeth and claws. When she grunts and goes to the other corpse to search its body too, he feels guilt and anger both at the same time.

“Please, don’t tell me you're looking for shimmer.” he can't help but say, but she doesn't answer and groans again as she seemingly, does not found what she's looking for.

Ekko though feels relieved, cause when she finds a tube of shimmer inside the second corpse's pocket, she throws it away and starts searching its inner pockets instead.

She doesn't answer him but Ekko has his answer anyway, when he sees her stand up in a halt and bring a rusted bolt to her eye so that she can have a closer look at it. When she seems satisfied, she nods without further expression, shoves it inside her pocket and starts mumbling as she resumes walking.

“Powd—wait !”

She stops suddenly, eyes wide, before she turns to look at him like he just arrived and shouted at her.

He watches her bewildered.

“What the hell is wrong with you ?” he asks, taken aback by the whole situation.

She looks him up and down before bringing her eyes to his jacket and keeping them focused there, more like she’s looking in front of her than truly looking at him ; and her breathing stays just as silent as her mouth as he wonders if she’s even breathing , with those pursed wrinkled lips of hers.

“Are you alright?”

She doesn't answer and looks him up and down again like she did the first time, before suddenly frowning when she sees the flare he was still holding.

She shoves it out of his hand in such a quick and violent move he barely has the time to blink, and he just exclams himself in vain as he watches her pick it back from the ground and throw it on top of a smaller trash hill with such strength that it goes all the way up and disappears onto the other side.

He could barely see her when he faced her again, but her eyes glowing in the dark were shining with rage as she stared at his chest and he wondered if she could see in the dark with those, just like a cat would.

Vi told him about her eyes. Seeing it with his own eyes was nonetheless unsettling.

“No light. It doesn’t like light.” she just says, and starts walking again.

Ekko contemplates her shadow and the beaming reddish fog in the distance from where his last flare still shines, and wonders if he's putting his life on the line here.

He watches as her animal-like form starts disappearing into the dark and he curses, quickly catching up to her before she disappears into the fog and becomes nothing but his ghost once again.

“What does not like light ?”

She shrugs her shoulders, her hand brushing her too-long-bangs out of her sight before scratching her shoulder where the blood and dirt probably stings, and he tries to see her features but the only thing he can see is the faded shimmer of her body where her skin is clean enough to be considered as white and her glowing eyes that keep losing focus as she looks around.

“Them. Monsters. Me. No one likes light. It draws attention. We don't wanna draw attention..”

He frowns and keeps on walking, looking at her wondering what the hell is he doing, what the hell is she doing. What the hell was wrong with her ? Why was she talking like that ? Damn he should stop her, right ? Bring her back up. Where is she going ? What is she doing here ?

“You've been living down here ?” he asks, but he frankly already has the answer. Anyone could tell just by looking at her.

She nods energetically, more frantically than energetically he might say, but she suddenly seems stressed and nervous and he can't tell if it's his questions that make her nervous or the thing from which she's apparently trying to not draw attention from.

He decides on the latter, because from what he's picking from her body language and how she suddenly starts mumbling to herself, she seems to be upset about that bullet she shot earlier.

“What are you afraid of ?”

She doesn't answer as she seems too distracted by her own thoughts, and when she finally snaps at the emptiness, throwing her hand on the side, it collides with his arm and she looks at him with wide, bewildered eyes like she just noticed his presence again.

“What are you doing here ? You shouldn't be here.” she tells him again, and once more he's taken aback by how distant her voice seems, how blank and empty it is, while her eyes just look like they're more surprised by him actually being here, than really being upset by it.

And for fuck’s sake, why was she repeating herself? What the hell was wrong with her?

It felt like talking to one of those automatons from Piltover : a robot with no feelings that kept repeating the same automatic answer whenever you’d ask him a question that wasn’t part of its repertory. She honestly just seemed a bit surprised or confused, and nervous at most about that thing she seemed to be running away from, but that was all. Like it was absolutely not making her feel a damn thing to see him after all those years.

“I heard there was a monster living here, so I came down to look it up.” he chose on answering, not sure about what else he should say seeing her detachment.

Her face suddenly shuts down, and her eyes drift to the side. 

Silence falls upon them and he feels his heart ache, as he sees the glow in her eyes seem to fade even more.

“Oh.. I see…”

He frowns when he hears her voice and how absent-minded she seems, and when he sees her jolt back a little, like she’s having the hiccup or had seen something that surprised her, he sees the way her eyes get wide as she stares into nothingness and twitch her eyebrows and he feels like seeing Powder ; eight year old Powder, when she brakes Mylo’s favorite toy and realizes she’s gonna get scolded.

She looks terrified and like she’s about to cry, and back then, she looked exactly the same.  Even if Mylo was just some brat that could be mean to her, her mind mixed it with the horrors she already saw and Ekko saw her break-apart for the first time and realized how awful the things she saw as a child were, cause she kept saying stuff like he was going to snap at her and get angry and kill her and she was so afraid of him she hid in his room until Vi had to come looking for her, worried as hell as he’d been, cause his nine year old self couldn’t possibly comprehend what was happening to her. Mylo didn’t have any part in it apart from being the new, not really cool big brother, but it was more about the memory of oppression and monsters she saw as a kid than him really terrorizing her. 

Ekko doesn't know how he can still see that little girl in her right now. Why her expression both looked so terrified and broken and he’s never seen Jinx like this, apart from that night on the bridge, and it’s unsettling. 

He sees her bite her lower lip to hold in frustration tears and she looks like she’s upset and empty at the same time, and he thinks he knows exactly what she must be thinking right now, and his heart aches at the thought of her really feeling this way.

“I heard there were growls ; something like a beast…? There was an attack and two people died.” he tells her.

He figures if she really lives down here, she might already know. There wasn’t much he or Jinx didn’t know about the Undercity, and he bets if she’s been hiding in that place all this time, she must already know she’s sharing it with a real monster. That’s not why he’s telling her.

He just needs to set her mind off of whatever painful thoughts she’s having right now cause he can clearly tell that sorrow on her features even though her eyes are as expressive as an empty shell’s, is from the thought of the whole world looking for her head as if she was the real monster to be captured.

“I never thought I’d find you here.” he adds when he doesn’t get a reaction, and she denies awkwardly, her arms wrapping themselves around her belly, and she shakes her head while tilting it to the side while her eyes do the same. 

And guilt and lies and nervousness is written all over her body language and quivering voice as she answers in a weird, pitching tone.

“Hm-hm. No Monster here~ No one’s here.”

She dryly giggles and he frowns, his throat tightening.

Her voice was weird. It was clear enough to be heard, it wasn’t soar like she didn’t talk for years or something - and he guesses her habit of talking to herself helped her well with keeping her ability to speak - but even though it was broken, it just seemed… off. There was no more assurance in it whatsoever, and it was clearly miles away from the last time he’d heard her voice and she’d giggled and snapped at him just for the sake of putting on a crazy show like she’d been so keen on putting every time he’d run into her.

Moreover, he knew she was lying, or at least, he knew there really had been an attack, and the atrocity that seemed to have happened to those guys clearly came from something un-human. He doesn’t get why she’s acting weird about it. 

Suddenly, Ekko wonders about his own safety, and checks the road again before checking her glowing shimmer eyes, wondering if she’s become one of them.

He licks his lips in thought, nervous. 

Maybe she had , a reason to think she was the monster he was looking for. He eyes the blood on her shoulder warily, even though he couldn’t see it clearly now with his flare thrown away in the distance, and wonders if that was hers, or someone else’s.

“You’ve been here for a while, obviously… you must know there’s something down here.” he says again, but she’s still looking away, eyes wide and unfocused, and he sees her jolt again and frown a bit like she’s gonna give in to the tears, but she shakes her head and groans before they build their way up to her eyes.

When she re-opens her eyelids she’s still frowning and when she sees him she’s startled again, like she’s remembering him once more, and she widens her eyes in that same weird, unfocused way, and just looks baffled at his presence.

“Why did you come here? It’s dangerous here, you know.” she tells him, the tone serious and a bit smug and her expression follows her voice as she furrows her brows and nods a few times as she speaks, and Ekko frowns, frozen on the spot.

And right there, he gets what’s wrong with her tone. She sounds like a fucking child ? Like Powder, to be exact, but not the Powder he knows, nor the Jinx he knows either : she sounds like the Powder he knew when he’d first met her and who was still innocent enough to have some of it still wrapping her voice and she was still feeling confident and invincible enough to dare have a smug tone when she’d speak.

And there was no way, NO way Jinx would ever speak to him like that especially when they hadn’t seen each other in four years and the last time they saw each other had been in a deadly fight and she should be so mad at him right now his body should be scattered at the four corners of this trashland.

“Powder, why… why are you talking like this? What happened that night?” he can’t help but ask.

Cause it’s been four damn bloody years. And he’s been wondering since then.

She frowns and steps back, and he can’t tell what she’s thinking cause it’s too dark, but he senses she seems confused by his words like she was expecting anything but them.

“What are you talking about?” she asks, confused, and Ekko is even more confused cause he can clearly tell from her voice and features that she doesn’t seem to get where he’s going.

He looks at her not knowing what to say, going from one eye to the other trying to read her thoughts as she’s looking away again apparently not caring about his lack of answer, cause she’s seemingly already lost in other thoughts. 

When she seems to have a thought, she breathes in suddenly and opens her mouth, but doesn’t say a thing as she blocks her breath for a few seconds, then she nods and looks at him again with those wide, empty eyes.

“You shouldn't be down here. You should go back before it finds you.” she repeats, and this time he hears the worry in her voice, but before she tries to walk away again, he stops her and grabs her arm.

“Powder, wait.. Stop walking.” he says in an exasperated tone, and she stares at his hand like it burned.

She looks at him with scared, bewildered eyes, and when he sees her expression he lets go immediately, apologizing.

For the love of God, please make her not have a break-down right now, he won't have the strength to fight her.

He sighs while she just stays silent, catching her breath like he just punched her in the face, and he feels his heart sting at the memory.

“Sorry.. I just want to-”

“Who are you ?”

Ekko blinks, feeling a cold shiver run down his spine with such violence and rapidity he freezes entirely, and his throat seems sore when he regains the ability to speak.

“What ?”

She folds her arms onto her stomach again and takes a step back, shrugging her shoulders like she wants to shield herself between them. She frowns and seems uncomfortable, her eyes upset as she watches something on the side then back at his body, then stares into his eyes and glimpse on the side again.

“Stop following me. Why are you following me? Can’t you leave me alone?” she blurts out, looking confused and upset and a bit un-assured like she’s scared he might be a threat to her. 

And why? What? What the fuck? He opens his mouth but it’s too dry and tight in a knot around his Adam’s apple and he can’t say a thing. What the hell was going on right now. Why the hell was she saying stuff like this. Even if he’d hurt her, why would she…

“I-I don't know why you keep calling me that. This isn't a safe place for you here, you should leave.” she says again, and he doesn't know what to do or either less say .

She looks at him in the eyes and man, he sees it.

She's serious. 

She doesn't seem scared, or pissed, or angry, she just seems... confused. Genuinely confused.

And he feels like dying inside.

“You... don't remember me ?” he asks, putting down his gas mask for her to recognize him.

She frowns as she looks at his face, then to the side again.

She doesn't answer even when she stares back at him, and he waits for what seems like an eternity, but she ends up having her attention caught by something else and he sees her mind slowly start to slip away from the conversation again.

“Powder ?” he asks to draw her back to it, and she closes her eyes suddenly, grinding her teeth until she snaps out of whatever thought she was having and abruptly jolts back.

“I said don’t call me that?! I Don't know who you are!”

“What…?”

“No–STOP??”

She tenses up and keeps repeating that she doesn't know who that is, untill she looks horrified at the emptiness beside him and catches her breath angrily, like she's pissed at something that's in her mind and not there, and he sighs when he acknowledges it.

“O-ok, I get it...that’s not your name…” he says carefully, understanding.

“I said it’s not ?? Don’t call me that.”

“Fine... I won’t.”

She nods abruptly, and stares at the ground blankly, and his brows knit in a worried and pained expression as he stares at her through the dark.

So that's what happened, that night... 

It got worse, didn't it ?

He just feels like being brought back in time. He already had that kind of conversation – argument, he should say – with Powder, Jinx, whoever she wanted to be, and it didn't end up well. The first time Powder had told him that, they were just kids and he'd known she was just trying to convince herself Powder was gone because she was sick of being that weak child who'd always been looked down upon and to whom awful things kept happening to. But the more time went on the more violent Jinx got whenever he'd call her by her name and she kept telling him Powder was dead and that he had to call her Jinx now and the more people died from her hand or Silco's men, the more Ekko started to wonder if she really was going to live up to her name until it reaches his heart and he starts believing it too. 

She'd told him Powder was gone so many times he even got to the point he believed it himself. Trying to engrave it in his mind and heart with violence and might every time he'd get home from a mission launched on Silco's gang and they'd be carrying the dead bodies of their friends on their backs just so that they could give them a proper funeral when Jinx didn't spare them the chance to have a proper life.

He's been calling her Jinx for a few years now, and had entirely buried Powder since the day she killed one of his friends, so having her tell him that again when he calls her by her name doesn't surprise him, but unsettles him in the way she does it that just seems odd compared to all the times she got angry at him for daring assume she was still that child.

Right now, she just seems abashed and confused while her upset eyes kept staring wide at some unfocused spot on the ground, but she didn’t look like she was directly mad at him for calling her that, more like she was disconcerted by the fact , he’d ever call her that.

Her mind and identity seemed even more scattered than it was a few years ago, and in his mind, childishly, selfishly - he blames Vi for it. Because he doesn't know exactly what happened that night, nor what was said, but he knows the two times something awful happened and an accident occurred and deaths ensued, were two times where Vi was around then she wasn't and Powder was left with a shit ton of chaotic thoughts and memories to deal with until it broke her for good. And this time, he wonders if it didn't. Cause she's been gone for four , damn, bloody years, just for him to find her in here of all places, looking like a dead-corpse semblance of a ghost wildly living on its own while her sister was up there into the enemy's bed trying to gather up the broken pieces of the mess Jinx left in Piltover for her to assemble, when she should have been down there looking for her sister instead in means of gathering up the pieces of the broken mind she left behind for him alone to still be caring about.

That wasn't fair. Even to his eyes, nothing was fair about their situation, so he didn't even want to imagine what it was like for Jinx. He never had a sibling, but the sisters and their brothers were like a family to him once upon a time, and he remembers the betrayal he felt when he saw Vi take part in Piltover's business just to side-up with them and become an enforcer a few years ago, and he lets a sigh of pity escape his mouth as he watches Powder gather her thoughts and try to find back her focus. He wonders how much she knew, of her sister’s betrayal exactly, and if that was the thing that made her lost it.

“Do you… really not remember me?” he asks again, and she looks at him, truly unbaffled, and looks him up and down while starting to frown and it’s like she doesn’t even understand the meaning of his question, cause she nearly seems obfuscated by it.

“I don’t know you.” she says blankly, looking clearly upset, and he feels his heart stir, and damn it hurts.

What the hell happened to her ?

“I said not to call me that!” she suddenly snaps ; her hand, still holding her gun, making an angry move along with her as she lifts it near her head, and Ekko looks at it warily, licking his lips.

“O-okay, I won’t call you that again… Alright ?” 

He tries to calm her down, and she opens her eyes, jolting back a bit like she’s suddenly surprised by his voice and the fact he’s still here near her, and she looks him up and down like she’s examining him ; like he might still be a threat.

“I don’t know who that is.” she lectures him, and he sighs, his shoulders going down as he feels sadness wash over him from within.

“Sure…”

“Who is that?”

“Huh? What ? Huh… A.. a friend. Someone.. you might know…?”

“I don’t know anyone. If you came looking, you’re wasting your time. There’s no one here.”

He looks at her and tries to read her eyes, but he’s confused as hell as he hears the innocence and almost complete honesty of her words, and once again, she sounds like a child that is trying to state facts and her choice of words is weird. 

He’s fucking confused. Cause for a moment, he feels as if she truly doesn’t recognize him and doesn’t get who he’s talking about. And she doesn’t sound like herself at all.

She couldn’t really have forgotten him, right ? She couldn’t have forgotten herself , right ?

“I didn’t come looking for.. her.. especially, but somehow… I hoped I'll find her here?”

She looks unimpressed, and has a vague movement of her shoulder and arm as she rolls her eyes a bit and looks annoyed.

“No one here." she grunts, scratching her shoulder in an automatic, stressed gesture. "Just bunch of rats. And no friend of yours. I said that already.”

“S-sure..”

“Stop calling me that.” she suddenly says more dryly, with a voice so strong and angry he straightens and unconsciously nears his hand towards her gun in fright she might aim it at him, but thanks to the darkness and her apparent dazing off she doesn’t realize, and just nervously - in a sudden, violent move - scratch at her shoulder again while she looks at the road.

“O-Ok…? Sorry… I mistook you for my friend...” he says, trying to make her understand that he understands, and that he won’t call her that if that's what she wishes.

His calm voice manages to make her snap out of it, and her back straightens again as she stands more relaxed.

She looks back at him like remembering they were having a conversation, and she seems more calm, even if she's still pissed, but not at him ; he can tell by how tense she seems but she looks at him like they're on the same page.

“Yes.” she says, nodding curtly. “I'm not your friend.” she adds, like a child explaining something they're believing with all their might to their -very ignorant- parent.

Ekko looks at her, and he's fucking hurt.

“Right.” he answers, and she doesn't say a thing, just nods while looking on the side, like she's already lost in other thoughts.

And as he watches her - sees the lost look in her eyes but the animalistic way that she has of drifting her eyes to the side like she's on high alert - he just feels like seeing an orphan child living on mere instincts, and he wonders what the hell happened that night and what was done or said to her for her to kill the man that raised her, and push then drive away the sister that she loved so much.

Whatever happened that night, four years ago… something broke inside her, and he's afraid she’ll never go back to what she used to be.

“You really.. don't remember huh?”

She looks at him again, and it's like she doesn't see him as she’s completely lost herself in her own world, her eyes hidden behind a veil.

“I don’t know anyone. No one comes here. You shouldn’t have come, too.” she repeats, but this time, her tone is different.

She doesn't seem stressed anymore, or worried. She just seems like a child stating the obvious, and the more she talked, the more Ekko felt like being faced with a stranger.

“I came looking for a monster, like I said, but somehow… I hoped I would find my friend here. I had hopes she was still alive.”

She frowns, and scratches her arm distractedly like she's trying to understand his words. She seems cold, or at least he could tell she was seeing how he was feeling cold himself, but she didn't seem to care.

“Why is your friend here ? There's only monsters here.” she answers like it makes no sense to her, and he watches her with pity.

He sighs, putting down his gas-mask for good, even if the air was unbearable.

This conversation and this whole situation was ten times worse.

“She believes she's a monster, I guess... so she came down here.”

She shrugs and Ekko feels his heart beat faster when he sees the slight resemblance of a grin on her face. As little human expression as it might be, it gives him hope that she might still be there, somewhere inside her own broken mind.

If she wasn't, she wouldn't have saved his life, he tells himself.

“Your friend was right.” she says, blankly once again, and there is no animosity in her voice, no emotion.

Just blank honest truth, or what she thinks is the truth anyway.

And he feels his blood course through his veins so violently he has to bite down his frustration.

“No, she’s wrong. She’s not a monster…”

Her attention is on the side, caught in her thoughts, and she denies with her head, her eyes widening as she seems lost in her own perception of what she believes to be the truth in this conversation.

“Nope.. 'friend was right… Only monsters here.” she retorts in a humming but trembling, nervous tone, and Ekko starts feeling that frustration and anger build up in his guts again.

He tightens his fists and feels his knuckles become white, but he sighs deeply and calms himself as she starts mumbling to herself and turns her back on him.

He realizes she's talking to the bloody origami bird inside her hair and he bites down on his lip.

“What are you doing here ?” he asks, trying to reach out to her somehow, and it seems to work, cause she looks at him again and forgets about the damn bird.

She seems confused.

“What do you mean ?”

“You say only monsters live here.”

Her gaze drifts to the side, this time far away, and he knows she's contemplating memories. Awful memories.

The way her face shuts down and her gaze loses focus makes him realize how broken she is on the inside and he really wonders if he'll ever get to reach her again and make her come back to her senses. Because she just seemed so out of herself. Even more than when he found Powder after that awful accident years ago and she was at least inhabited by rage.

“I belong here.” she says, barely in a whisper, and he can't even tell if he heard that correctly or if he imagined it.

His whole body releases all the tension it had inhabited him, and his heart aches even more as his eyes lower in pain and he watches how her clothes are still the same as four years ago but sewed back together again and again in an attempt to keep them on her skinny body and he swears somewhere among all that dirt and blood and dust, must still remain the same ash from that bomb she unleashed on herself four years ago on that bridge.

He doesn't know what to say at first, but then he holds onto that thought.

All these years he thought she was dead. All this time he finally got to the conclusion that she killed herself.

But she didn't.

As broken as she was, locked up inside her own hell of a pain and traumatic memories, she was still fighting. 

By staying alive.

“My friend too thought she belonged here, but she was wrong…”

She shrugs her shoulders again, shielding herself with her arms around her stomach. He doesn't know if it was more the cold or her personal way of shielding herself from the world. She'd always done that, even when she was a child, every time she'd feel weak or embarrassed. 

He realizes perhaps he's the one making her feel weak with his questions, forcing her to remember traumatic memories, so he takes a step back and throws his hand into his hair while he sighs.

“I... I don't think you belong here either..”

“You're wrong.” she answers dryly.

He looks at her nervously cause her tone was more direct than before, and he wonders if he got her upset. She didn't seem angry though, just lost in her thoughts as she absent-mindedly stomped the ground with the tip of her shoe. Her arms were folded tightly around her waist, and he realizes she's digging her nails into her own skin. He suddenly becomes aware that what he thought to be dust stains when he first got to look at her earlier, were actually marks from her own scratching.

He frowns again, feeling his heart beat faster under stress, anger and worry, and he wonders how the fuck will he manage to bring her back up if she didn't even remember him. As weak and broken as she seemed, Jinx had always been a dangerous creature, and he wasn't sure she'd let him make any attempt on bringing her along without biting, scratching or ripping his head off like a wild animal defending its den would if her instincts kicked in.

“You're.. You’re not a monster… No one should have to live in such a place.” he tells her, but she shakes her head in denial.

She closes her eyes and her head drifts to the side, like she's being taunted by an old nostalgic lullaby.

“Hm-mh... 'am good here. Belong here.” she chants, unfocused, and her own words seem to drag her to a pleasant trail of thoughts because she smiles softly to herself, opens her eyes again, and starts walking in a more joyful pace.

“But you–” he starts but she suddenly stops, turning around to face him, and then she looks at him with wide eyes like she's acknowledging his presence again .

“You should really not be here! They might eat you, you know.” she says in a smug, childish tone that sounds once again like it’s stating the obvious.

Ekko feels like he's going to lose it when he stops to face her.

He sighs to calm himself, and just tightens his fists.

“I'll be ok..”

She doesn't care about his answer and just resumes walking, this time humming to herself.

He sighs as he follows, not really knowing what to say. He can barely see where they're going but be it her shimmered eyes or her knowledge of the place, she moves through the fog like a mouse in her nest, and he sighs many times as he watches her stop by a pile of trash and fumble through it in search of whatever junk she wished on using.

When she spots something interesting in the junk-hill, she lets out an excited sound followed by a childish giggle, and throws her arm in there without further ado with the look of a wild feline hunting its prey.

Ekko frowns, looking at her with an uneasy breath while she struggles with the junk grunting at the parts that block her hunt.

She retrieves her arm in a loud buzz as it makes some trash fall on the ground, and she grunts again throwing her foot onto it like she’s scolding it for the effort it forced her in, but then she looks at the bloody whatever piece?? she just retrieved, and seems content enough to stop frowning. 

She puts it in her pocket, and resumes walking while fumbling through the trash from time to time like he was never there, and he watches her absolutely not knowing what to say.

When he steps on a flatten broken can, she suddenly turns around and hushes him down, but the way she does it looks like she’s hushing the can down, and he breathes deeply to hold in the stress.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he can’t help but ask, but the tone isn’t really offensive, more like he wondered aloud, and she doesn’t seem to take it the wrong way anyway cause she just straightens up and looks like she’s been caught up shoplifting.

“Did you hear that?”

He looks around, wondering what she’s talking about, but she’s already walking again, and he frowns while tilting his head back and sighing deeply, wondering if she was even talking to him.

“Hear what ?”

“Told you we shouldn’t have shoot it…” she grunts while she throws a piece of trash on the side to free the cupboard behind it, and she starts fumbling through its drawers, apparently not minding the noise anymore when she’s the one making it.

The third time Ekko sees her suddenly stop mumbling to straighten up like a fucking doe hearing a hunter's step, he glimpses towards the dark path behind them then back at her alert eyes and starts getting a bit worried.

“What are you so afraid of ?”

This time though she doesn't go back to her fumbling and goes straight at him, nails digging in his forearm, and her eyes wide and focused on a spot like she could see through the fog.

“He heard us.” she says blankly, and then she starts walking again, faster.

“Wait, who ? You mean the monster ?”

She's not humming anymore and Ekko frowns as he hears her mumbling get more angry but mainly more coherent this time.

“Told you I shouldn't have shot that bullet. Stupid, stupid brat ! I know it's gonna feed on them... Yeah I know.. Maybe he will be happy with what we left him. Two is ok ? Yes two is ok... It won't keep him occupied for long though.. Maybe he will want to feed on him too.. no ? But he shouldn't have come down here.. He's just going to snack on the others and then... No. He'll be dead anyway. Like everyone. No SHUT UP ! How was I supposed to–”

“JINX!” he calls her again to make her snap out of it, and her eyes widen and she freezes when he grabs her shoulders and forces her body to face him.

She opens her mouth and doesn't say anything, and he watches her expression, not understanding why she seems so shocked, before he sees the way her body tensed then loses balance like she’s suddenly been added an unbearable weight on her shoulders and he understands.

Four years, was a long time to be apart from people... he guesses.

How long as it been since someone touched her ? Even called her name ?

How long has it been since she talked to anything or anyone else than herself ?

“How.. how did you know..” she starts in horror, and right there, he finally understands her shock, but he's more shocked when he realizes it too.

He stares right into her eyes, and goes from one eye to the other, unable to utter a word.

She really wasn't remembering him.

He frowns, feeling his heart stir and feeling completely lost as he wondered how lost was she , exactly ? 

Did she really forget about herself too?

The growl that suddenly echoes through the junk alleys seems way closer than he'd expected, and he lets go of her arms as he turns around to try and identify where the noise came from.

“What the hell was that ?” he asks, knowing far too well that this was definitely not a sound humans could make come out of their mouths even if they tried, and he can't help but feel a shot of fear when Jinx suddenly starts running and leaves him alone in the dark and fog. “Wait… Jinx !” he calls out, shocked, but another growl, approaching fast, makes his eyes widen and heart beat faster.

Jinx was running for her life, and that alone was telling enough for him to pull his aeroglider from his back and jump on it in a sec. 

He could hear the buzzing noise of garbage being thrown around with a violent and quick pace as he pressed the accelerator and hoovered upwards, and he got out just in time before the beast arrived in a violent din, but he was already high in the air when it reached the spot he was previously on and he watched, horrified, as a gigantic form appeared under the fog and a deafening growl echoed through the night.

That monster was so huge he could tell its form through the fog, but he was already out of reach, so safe from its obvious anger and hunger. He hovered forward to try and identify Jinx's silhouet somewhere on the hills of junk, but she was nowhere to be found, and was probably already down a pipe somewhere sliding down the labyrinth of rubles to lose up the beast.

He hovered back and forth a few times in search for her, but  the area was so dull, dark and chaotic with its endless junkpiles and hills of trash and broken wreckage that spotting her with this predominant darkness and fog density on top of it all was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. The clarity would have been good he’d at least would have been able to look for the blue of her hair, but it was so dense and messy now that he wouldn’t even know if  he could tell her apart from the junk around.

She must already be gone anyway. She survived all those years down here, she surely knew more than one way to escape that beast, and probably knew ways around that junk where her tiny body could slip through without that monster being able to follow.

Ekko tried to identify its shadow through the dust and toxic veil again, but the fog became more and more dense as the night started to fall and he couldn’t see a think, and daring come closer when he didn’t know the different highs of the junk-hills around might be dangerous if the creature was clever enough to stay still and silent until he flown by : he’d attack him through the fog and Ekko wouldn’t even have been able to see it coming.

He should come back more prepared next time. And will definitely know what to expect.

His heart wouldn't stop racing. There was too much information to process, too much worry invading his thoughts, when he'd been living all those years with the only worry that their harvest wouldn't provide them enough food to eat three times a day. 

Everything seemed so futile now that he'd seen how she lived. Where she lived. And what beast ruled that hellish place she was now calling a home.

What life had been stolen from her from the very beginning of her days from a luxurious city that couldn't care less about her or the other orphans it throwed its garbage on.

He'd loathe her for bombing the council, but he also admired her for it.

He could bare enforcers and Pilties as long as they didn't get their dirt on the Undercity, but there was one thing he would never be able to forgive them for.

It was them making her feel like she belonged here, in the dirt and trashland that the Upper-city had built for people like her to rot in.

* * *

Chapter Text

C H A P T E R III - The Hunter and the Prey

When he comes back one week later, he is filled with guilt.

He intended to come sooner but he got caught up by some Firelight's duties and honestly, he had a lot to reflect on after his last time down that giant repository of everything that was ever unwanted anymore.

There was so much he didn't know about Jinx's situation, and so much he was unsure of if he ever managed to get to her like he wished he'd reach her. If she ever remembered him, that might also mean she'll remember everything else that she probably wanted to forget, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing neither for her, him nor the world. He didn't even want to try and mention VI or Silco to her in fear of what chaos he might unleash into her mind. How come she came to forget about him, of all people ? There was no way she would have just chosen to forget about him and remember Vi and her brothers, or even Silco, right ? That wouldn't be fair , not when he had been the only one to try and understand her all those years. No there was no way she remembered them and not him, she must have forgotten way more than just who he was, and not knowing was both as dangerous as it was unsettling.

He couldn't just bring up the past and wait to see her reaction, he knew that could only do more damage than it already did, or he'll probably find answers he won't like. He needed to understand what happened to her. How she was driven to the point of becoming this empty shell with bits of shadows of herself, trapped inside the broken mind of a traumatized child all over again. It was like she was this six year-old girl he met an eternity ago, but with all the traumas of an adult woman, and without the support of a sister or relative to go through the traumatic events.

He needed to reach out to what was left of her, and slowly help her gather the remaining pieces to tie them back together, and taking her out of that nightmarish hell of a place would be the first step.

He reached the same improvised camp-fire place as last week and just like the previous time, lit up the fire to drive away the shimmer-addicts and hoped for a certain monstrous creature to not trail down his scent and come to feast on his ass.

He silently scanned the area for some time, trying to spot a familiar figure or even a noise among the junk piles, but apart from the couple of glowing shimmered eyes and hooded forms that still lingered in the dark, watching him with blood-thirst growls, Jinx didn't seem to be there, so he just sighed and rubbed his hands one against each other near the fire trying to warm himself up.

The rain had poured for a few days but had finally stopped in the morning, and the air was left thick with humidity and a cold so sharp it ripped the skin. He glanced at the second backpack he brought in hopes Jinx would at least show up so that she could take that bloody second blanket with her this time.

His previous backpack wasn't here when he arrived today, and he takes it as a good sign that she came back during the week and took it with her to whatever place she's set her lair into. He hopes she treated her shoulder of all things.

When ten minutes go by then twenty he sighs and stands up, scanning the area as he calls her name a few times, but when she doesn't show up, he lights up a flare and walks towards the stones where he saw the scribbles the other day. 

He reads the many ''all your fault'' written on the side, and among them he identifies monstrous drawings in child-like scribbles. 

He recognizes Jinx style, but he doesn't see any familiar names, and wonders if, just like the shimmer-junkies, she too has lived forgetting who she was and the names of the ones she's loved.

After a good ten minutes of examining the wall of furniture and stones he thinks Jinx won't show up, so he goes back to the bench and sets the bag on the conductor's chair. He watches the junk hills again, scanning the piles of trash, and talks to the emptiness :

“Come on now, I’m sure you’re in there... I heard you.” he taunts, and arches a brow at a noise on the side, but it’s just a rat passing by and he sighs, turning around and scanning the area one more time.

He’s met with complete, utter silence, if not for a faraway, weird bird or animalistic noise or whatever cry he doesn’t recognize and which gives him the chills, but he thinks it must be some wreckage falling from one of the many trash hills and making a high-pitched squeak as it slid down another metallic wreck and he shivers thinking about Jinx putting her foot on said first wreckage and falling along with it and being cut in two by the sudden weigh and sharp metal edges of second wreckage. 

For fuck’s sake he hated his mind. He's seen too much shit in this town and in this short life-time of his and this place was the worst.

“I brought food?” he tries again, giving it a last attempt, but when there's no answer, he sighs and draws his hoverboard from his back.

A UFO suddenly comes flying above his head and he holds his arm up to protect himself, but the whatever unidentified flying object bounces on the floor without touching him and he turns around to where the projectile came from, grinding his teeth.

“Go away!” her voice suddenly snaps, resonating through the large, desolate space, and even though he can't see her clearly, he spots the slight shadow movement she makes inside the rusty bluish bus trapped in the hill of junk when she leans forward and probably picks up another junk to throw at him.

Bitch, he's been waiting for almost an hour, AN HOUR. In that cold!? Didn't she--

“Is that how you thank me?” he says instead, seriously annoyed.

She throws him another junk and this time he sees it coming from the hole inside one of the bus's windows. This time she aims directly at him, and even though the can falls onto his side, he protects himself with his arm in case she decides to throw something more sharp at him like a dragon rocket made out of razor blades or some shit. He puts the hoverboard against one of the chairs though, cause he won't be needing it just yet.

“Bought you a bunch of bolts too.” he taunts, cocky, and he knows he has her the moment he sees her shadow straightening up from her seat like a freaking doe and two pink eyes finally glow sharply under the light of his flare.

He sighs and relaxes when he sees her smoothly make her way through the broken pieces of the huge vehicle, her hands grabbing at the loosen iron handles hanging from the ceiling as she climbs and slides across the junk, and there's a creaking sound when she steps her foot on the door frame and the bus slightly moves under her weight.

She stops there in a halt, looking at him like a wild animal noticing the presence of its hunter - or its prey, he'd say, seeing how she's looking at him with her eyebrows furrowed to the extreme like she's disturbed by his presence but the mention of bolts had her in need and she's pissed at him for making her feel as if she now has to put up with his shit cause he's the one who'll provide said bolts to her.

He gulps down as he watches her come down of the bus, and he wonders how can she still move like flooding water through a cliff ; like a damn river snake through a minefield, when she's strong like an iron fist and has the mane of a lion attached to the back of her head looking like a wild animal whose entire forest companions would have decided to take up residence within it ?

How the fuck does she even manage to go through all those wreckages and junk without ending up being trapped inside her own cobweb of a hair ? This girl will never stop to amaze him. And as much as he knows her, she’s still a complete mystery to him, and he’ll probably never stop wondering about her every move and every thought.

She looks surprised when she sees his face more clearly under the light, and Ekko feels his heart beat a little faster when he sees the change in her expression, and how her features seem to relax the moment she re-situates him in her mind.

This time she doesn't hesitate and jumps down the junkhill to end up right on the ground, already walking towards the fire with the eyes of a child in front of its birthday gift.

“Bolts?” she asks hopefully, and he gives her an annoyed look as she stops right in front of him, completely in his personal space, and looks at his pockets like she's waiting for him to draw a bunny out of it.

He sighs and shows her the backpack he's left on the conductor's chair.

“It's in the bag.” he says, and she goes straight at it without much more of an appreciation.

He approaches the fire and sits on the bench as he watches her squat down on the chair, knees parted to set the backpack between them, and she's throwing the blanket on the sludgy ground and the bottles of water aside and the pack of snacks on top of her head before he snaps out of his shock and stands up to take the backpack out of her hands.

“It's in the front pocket! Jeez..” he sighs as he opens it himself, handing her the little plastic bag containing random-sized bolts he gathered for her, and she just snatches it out of his hands like he wasn't already handing it to her.

He sighs again and goes to the blanket and the stuff she threw away to put them back in the backpack, while she throws herself on her knees and empties the bag of bolts on the most dried part of ground she could find near the fire, where she has more light ; or perhaps did she do it there for the heat.

She giggles loudly as she contemplates them, and Ekko watches her with an exasperated sigh, but he can't help but feel his heart flutter at the familiar sound. 

For a few seconds, he stops what he's doing cause he feels like seeing Powder, spread down on his bed, gathering the pieces of her latest Gateway bins-hunt ; telling him in an excited, way-too-quick tone, how she's going to assemble that part with this part with that piece she's found in the playground the other day and that she talked to him about, and this scrap she found in the place she went with Vi to get paintballs ? Well she's going to gather them all up to make it look like a stomach and legs and arms and then he'd weld them for her in that area , and she'd add pikes on the middle to make it look like a mouth, then teeth and ears and eyes too, and there GLITTER, and then it would turn into a cute humanoid-monster bomb and- he wasn't listening so she'd just snap at him and throw a pillow on his desk and he'd have to stop his tinkering to give her all of his attention and he would just... roll his eyes at the back of his head before resuming what he was doing the moment she would go back into her delirium. And then he’d smile to himself.

He clears his throat and closes the backpack, sighting as he slowly walks back to the bench.

“What are you planning to do with those anyways?” he asks in an annoyed tone, but she doesn't answer, not to him anyway.

He hears her mumble words, phrases that don't really stick together, but she's definitely talking about something ; just not to him.

He eyes the side of the place again, scans the area and the other roads, both to check on shimmer-junkies, the monstrous beast, but also cause he has this damn chill down his spine every time she's having this kind of conversation with herself and he finds it awkward.

He isn't really the kind to believe in ghosts or spirits, nor would he care if they really did exist, but in a place like this, so dull and where the toxic air could really play tricks on the mind and health, well... He wasn't really acting proud, he has to admit.

“Have you looked into the bag I brought you the other day ?” he asks as he sits on the conductor's chair.

He figured she wanted to stay by the fire, and if they had another hour-long conversation like last time, he needed the backrest that he was lacking on the bench. IF she wished to have her chair back, she'd just have to ask - that would probably force her to exchange words and engage the conversation, for a change.

She ignores him once again and Ekko rests his head on the back of the chair, watching at the non-existing sky as he curses silent words under his breath.

“.. would do.” She finishes her mumbling in a more clear tone, and when she stands up again, he understands she's going to leave cause she's gathered all of the bolts inside her pockets.

“Hey, wait!” he calls out, and her eyes widen as she looks at him, snapping out of her daydream. “Where are you going?”

He's not upset or anything, disappointed, so to say the least. Even though he did waste a lot of time going shopping for her, then for the Firelights, then welding Samira’s broken fence, then gathering damn bolts from side to side, then there was this damn cat the kids lost and he could have asked anyone else to take care of it sure, but he could never really resist crying kids, then a little trip to Piltover to find miss junk’s favorite snacks, then the goddamn travel down these junk hills and the hour long wait in the cold and fog and gloomy area, yeah sure. He wasn’t pissed. He just wished she paid for his health assurance at this rate cause hell the air in here was unbearable and ONE HOUR WAIT.

“I came down here so that I can talk to you?”

Sheee, doesn’t seem to care. Nor react. She just looks away for a slight second, looking empty -and not giving a fuck-, then back at him, posture confused or annoyed, he couldn’t really tell. Anyway she doesn’t seem to fucking care. She just wants to go wherever and do whatever with her bolts ; he can tell that’s the only thing on her mind right now. And he’s a nuisance for making her waste her time.

He sighs deeply.

He looks at her shoulder and sees she hasn't cleaned it, nor treated it. 

He really starts to wonder if he'll ever get to her at this point.

“Can we talk?” he asks again, and offers her a little smile - a candid one, even, which was hard for him to force these days.

“You shouldn't stay here. It's going to come this way soon.” she says blankly, and he feels that cold shiver run down his spine again.

“You mean the monster?” he asks, and he's a bit scared he has to admit, even if he knows he's got plenty of weapons to fight and most of all, enough speed and power on his hoverboard to run away.

But he had hoped he could talk with her more. And as much as he knows he's safe in the air, he doesn't like knowing she's down there on the ground, with that hell of a hair behind her that could have her ending up trapped somewhere while she escapes that beast.

A little tensed by her words though, he takes his hoverboard and sets it back behind his shoulder blades.

“You should go. He's very hungry, you know...” she tells him, in that same smug tone Powder had sometimes, and he can't help but smirk before he sighs.

“Yeah, I think I got that...” he mumbles, grabbing the backpack in hopes she takes it with her. “This time, could you at least take this with-”

A sudden growl in the distance cuts him off, and when he opens his mouth again to ask her about it, she's already turned her back on him and is climbing up the pile of junks she came from. “Hey.. wait!”

She doesn't, but that much he expected, so he groans, throws the backpack on his shoulders on top of the hoverboard, and tries to catch up to her.

“Jinx, wait for me!”

He goes after her and starts climbing up the junk in a hast.

“Didn't you say it feared light?” he asks, pissed as he tries to catch up to her pace, but as much as climbing was his thing, she seemingly knew those junks like the back of her hand, while he was too scared to step his foot on a piece that would just crumble then make another piece of junk crumble then the whole thing would come crumbling down on his ass and he'll just die in this giant trashbin of a land with Jinx not caring about his life as she’ll just go back to whatever lair she set herself into, happily humming to herself while she’d worship some bloody rusty bolts onto her autel of junk-found-treasures she must have made just so that she can forget all about the hell she's set and abandoned up there and he'd just lay there, half-dead until a monstruous unknown fuck of a beast found him and finish him off while he'll scream in pain through no men's land. 

Not to mention his friends and none of his acquaintances knew where he was. Groceries he told them. Ha! He knew this was a bad idea. He knew it from the DAY he set foot into that junkyard. Listen to your guts, you moron! he thinks, cause clearly, who was he fooling? Didn't he know that was the only, only place in this whole goddamn double-city that he hadn't looked for her? He knew if she was something like half-alive that's where he would find her. He knew the moment he heard about a monster down this place meant that there was something alive down there and the first thought that came to his mind was that she was playing tricks on the kids so that they would stay away from her. He litterally pictured her installing a megaphone that would just howl at the moon or some shit so that people would think there was a monster down here and stayed the fuck away from this place. He knew she was going to bring him down with her the moment he heard that bullet, damn that girl was trouble! He should have known better than to come back here and drag his ass into the dirt for her and-- For fuck's sake, how fast was she??

“Can you fuckin slow down for a bit??” he shouts when they reach the top and she’s already grabbing one pipe to swing herself onto a giant broken advertiser panel that she slides down like a goddamn professional snowboarder.

She stops when she reaches a blind spot, and looks around as if to check up on something, and he finally manages to catch up on her.

“Can you tell me where”

we're going, but when a deafening, frightening familiar growl echoes through the night at a far distance, seemingly way more angry-hungry than the first one, his blood freezes and he has the answer.

“It's coming.” she says blankly, and he nods, agreeing to her unspoken words.

“Yeah ; yeah you're right, anywhere's fine, let's just get out of here.” he answers.

He presses her arm as if to drag her with him or make her lead the way or whatever and she starts running again, and he follows this time without complaining.

Another growl reverberates through the giant junkyard and Ekko feels his blood pressure rise, fear and adrenaline all entangled together inside his heart, and he has a hard time making his way through the junk with his sigh being hindered by the omnipresent dullness and fog, not to mention than it poured rain for almost five days and most of the wreckages were damp and slippery, making his hand's grip on the surfaces much less easier.

Eyeing Jinx who seemed to move around the junk just fine, he notices that she doesn't wear gloves anymore, and he figures that was perhaps the reason. She must be really cold though.

They jump through a bunch of furniture before sliding down into an abandoned wagon and as they run inside it, Ekko cringes at the smell of dead bodies, watching as the decomposing corpses of shimmer addicts swarming with bugs and flies uncover themselves through their way as the cockroaches covering them flee the sound of their steps.

He catches his breath when Jinx suddenly stops to free the way from a corpse, before jumping on a ripped upside-down seat, and he throws a quick glance through one of the corroded windows to try and identify their surroundings or the shadow of the beast somewhere in the toxic veil. 

Rushing down the broken window, she jumps to catch the edges of a long stone tunnel trapped between the weight of the junk hills, and without a word, starts crawling inside it like a cat - and without waiting a second for him to catch up.

Ekko sighs, adjusts the backpack and his hoverboard on his shoulders, covers his head with his hood to protect his hair from gripping itself into the broken wires that hang from the top of the tunnel, and clambers up. 

The tunnel is damn narrow, and he grunts and curses under his breath as he adjusts his back and lowers his head as much as he can before starting to crawl on his fore-arms and elbows.

He lets Jinx have a little bit of advance so that he won't step on her hair, and as he narrows his eyes to have a clearer vision, he just feels like following a bunch of moving nests into the dark, and he grinds his teeth promissing he'll soon tell the damn girl to remember how to fucking comb cause there was no way she'd survive much longer with such a mane! Not when she has to go through mazes of junks like these just to be safe.

Another animalistic growl makes them stop for a second, and Ekko watches as Jinx turns her head towards a hole in the stone and assesses the situation, staring sharply at the horizon. He catches his breath for a few seconds as he takes in the sight of her pale, dusty smudged skin glowing under the slight beams of the moon that were managing to pierce through the toxic veil ruling this hell.

And as he watches the determination and raw instinct glowing in her eyes in that moment, he feels as if she's the one being able to rule it all.

Even after all those years, damn... 

She still ruled over his darkest thoughts and deepest feelings.

“It's going away.” he whispers, since the growl they just heard seemed further away than the first ones, but she looks at him with piercing, alert eyes like a lioness in the middle of a hunt, and stares at him showing no emotion.

“Not for long.” she answers before looking at the horizon again, and then she resumes crawling through the tunnel with ease and habit and Ekko feels his heart pounder.

He sighs and clenches his fists, both for courage and to unleash his frustration, and then he starts crawling again cursing her in his thoughts.

When he sees her straighten up in a sitting position, he wonders if she too needs to catch her breath, but then she opens a trap inside the narrow tunnel they're crawling in and he has just enough time to notice there’s no ladder and that the trap is leading to another, even more narrow evacuation pipe that would barely be able to contain a trash bag (which was probably the main goal of such pipes, for Topside to throw their trash directly onto the Undercity's sewers) that she’s already readying herself to slide it down.

“Wai-wai-WAIT!!” he shouts, stopping her mid-way, and he can't help but escape a relieved sigh when she stops in time.

She looks at him like she just realized his presence again and he sighs, looking at her like he can't believe his own eyes right now. 

He opens his hands on the ground and makes an exasperated move towards the pipe.

“Don't you see a little issue here??” he asks, exasperated and out of breath.

She drifts her eyes away from him and frowns, taken aback by the sudden halt he's forced her in, and apparently not seeing the issue at all.

Ekko grinds his teeth and lets his head fall down, sighting heavily in disbelief.

“Jinx, you fucking weight like two pounds or something, I mean look at you! You're as thin as a twig!”

She looks at herself and frowns even more, and he knows it's not because she feels insulted, but she just doesn't seem to get where he's going with this and why he's making her lose her time.

“Look at me!” he shouts, trying hard, in the position and narrow space that he's in, to make her understand that even his hoverboard alone won't be able to go through that pipe.

She watches the hoverboard and the backpack and seems to understand the problem, and then looks at his shoulders from left to right with empty but focused eyes like she’s evaluating their broadness, and while she stares at them Ekko swears he could see the gears in her mind turning at full speed. 

She thinks for a few seconds, then suddenly looks back at the hoverboard and her eyes widen, before she looks him in the eyes and it’s like she’s seeing something else entirely than just him, but she’s staring so deeply that his heart can’t help but skip a beat and he feels stressed having her look at him like that. 

As he watches her breath start to quicken and her features seemingly panicking, he suddenly feels embarrassed.

“Can we go another way? Please?” he asks to bring her back to reality, but she doesn’t react to his words, and he can't really tell what's going on in her mind.

He sees all the emotion that suddenly hits her in the face. It’s quick and unsettling and it’s like her already, glowing eyes become even more sharp and colorful when emotions come back into it and panic and worry wash over her in an instant. She whimpers slowly as she looks around as if trying to think of a solution, but even though her pursed lips proves she’s upset but trying to hold in the panic, her eyes look at him again wavering from unshed tears and she grinds her teeth glaring warrily at him like he’s at fault for putting her in danger.

When she meets his eyes though, she turns away squirming, and then whimpers loudly hitting the stone wall with her fist as she looks down into the trap she opened. 

What the fuck was happening to her ? Why was she losing it ?

“Jinx what’s wrong?” he asks, and then she looks at him again, and he can't really tell what's happening in her mind but she seems like she's struggling with something and he really hopes this has nothing to do with this being the only way through whatever place she’s taking them to.

Her eyes drift to the beginning of the tunnel where they came from, behind his back, when another growl echoes through the night, and Ekko curses when he hears it's getting closer than the one before.

Damn, she was right. It was approaching.

He looks at her again and is caught off-guard when he sees she’s staring, but then she looks back at the trap she opened then to the side again and she doesn't say anything, but Ekko can hear and see her breathing is getting difficult and he thinks he finally understands what's going on when he sees the mixed feelings and emotions that pour through her body language and features.

“Please don't leave me here.” he says, and she looks at him with wide, angry eyes, like he's making her feel stressed, but he sees something’s going on inside her head and it might not have anything to do with their situation or the monster that was looking for its next meal out there.

Her body makes a move forward like she's about to jump into the pipe, but her hand clenches in a fist where she's steading herself on the top of the tunnel and Ekko sees her bruised knee shaking as she stares down the pipe and breathes.

“Please....” he repeats when he sees her hesitate. “I don't know my way around this place, you do.”

She hesitates for a few more seconds, until another growl outside makes the pipes tremble, and Ekko looks at her with unassured eyes wondering if they'll really manage to get out of here in time before the beast found them, or if she'll just abandon him for it to feast on him while she saves her ass. 

She looks at him for a few more seconds, seemingly at war with herself, before she looks at the trap she opened again and grinds her teeth. 

She ends up groaning loudly and turns away from it, resuming on crawling in a hast towards the end of the tunnel, and Ekko sighs in relief as he closes the trap to make his passing through more easy, and he tries to catch up to her before she changes her mind.

When they arrive at the edge, she starts going down fast, and he hurries to catch up but in the panic of losing sight of her, he slips and catches himself just in time before he tumbles down the hill of junk. He steadies himself and goes after her, and when he realizes she hasn't even noticed nor stopped, he kinda feels hurt by her lack of concern. And scared, to be honest. Cause if Jinx was so focused on running away from that monster, it meant she was really scared for her life, and Jinx being scared for her life wasn't really in his repertory.

He didn't know if it had anything to do with her new traumatic mental state. Was she feeling like an unsafe child again, like the one she was when he first met her when she was six, just a few days after her parents had been killed by those ''monstrous men in uniforms'' just before her eyes - like she'd told him many years ago? Was it why she was so scared ? Or was that beast so terrifying that even Jinx, the unfearful Jinx he knew, was frightened by it ? Either way it was for the best he'd never found out, cause that beast seemingly was fucking huge from what he saw through the fog the other day.

She keeps running, fast and nimble, and he tries hard to follow. Or maybe was she just trying to lose him up so that she doesn’t have to care for his life again.

“Jinx, wait for me.” he ended up saying as he realized she was still going at the same pace without fatigue, and he had to admit, it’s been a long time since he hasn't gotten himself into such energetic climbing.

He hasn't had the need to go all yamakasi on the buildings since he built the hoverboards for the Firelights, and as muscular as he was and as much as body memory existed and still coursed through his veins, he still needed to catch his breath.

Surprisingly enough, she waited. And when he catches up to her on a hundredth abandoned advertisement panel that was still glowing from the back-up battery it must have been abandoned with, she was looking at the horizon while catching her breath heavily too. 

Well, good, at least he wasn't the only one out of breath here. She probably only waited to check if the beast was around, but he needed the stop anyway, so he leaned forward on his knees and caught his breath for a few seconds before he straightened his back.

No growl had been heard for a few minutes now, and he wondered if the beast was still – or had been at all – after them.

“Do you think it's after us?” he asks, and she looks at him with those same wide, unfocused neon-pink orbs staring at him without really seeing him, and she doesn't answer.

Waving towards the horizon and the hills of junks disappearing into the fog, he tries again :

“Does it hunt by smell?” he asks, his face wincing at the aching pain on his left side, and he puts his hand on it as he catches a few more breaths.

She looks him up and down silently, and Ekko feels his heart pounder, his stomach squirm, and he frowns at the sufficient look she’s giving him.

Damn Powder and her smug looks, he swears he-

“You stink. It has your smell.” she says blankly, snootily, and then resumes scrambling over the wet wreckages as she walks away.

Ekko opens his mouth in shock, and a smirk can't help but appear on the corner of his mouth.

He'd swear he saw her grin too.

“I'M the one who STINKS ?” he snaps, shocked that she'd dare say that when she was the one living in a fucking trash-land.

“Yeah, silly! You smell like up there. Stupid… ” she answers in a groan, and now that she seems pissed he's really not sure about that grin he thought he saw, but he can't help but feel hope as she's talking to him in what seems to be a normal conversation.

At least she's not talking to herself, to an empty space, or like a six-year old child. This was normal to him at least. To them, definitively.

“Hey, I figured it might spot me from my scent, so I covered myself in chloroform before I came here, I'm not that stupid!”

“Yeah sure, and how do you think he might take that..” she mumbles before making a sound with her mouth to prove her exasperation.

He doesn't get what she means, but he doesn't ask anyway, cause he's too busy climbing the junk after her and now, he's pissed too cause he feels like an idiot.

“Why the hell did we go down just to climb up again??” he can't help but ask, but he sees her stop mid-way and start balancing herself to the left, grabbing at the lose part of a junk, and when he sees her go from one wreckage to the other after having balanced herself into the emptiness he stops in a halt and shakes his head while laughing nervously. “Ooh no no no. NO way!” he complains.

She turns around and looks him, then the empty space, up and down.

“You said you needed another way…”

“Yeah? A way that would not have me DEAD.”

She turns around and starts walking through the new hill of junk, and he curses in his breath.

Damn Jinx, damn Powder, damn everything. Please may the wreckage support his weight.

He copies what she did and makes it out in one piece, and when he arrives on the other side and lifts his head in search of a proud appreciative gaze of some shit, he doesn't see her at all, and feels his heart skip a beat.

“Shit..” he whispers before moving again, trying to catch up to her, but as he arrives before a new jump he tries to see forward and can't tell if she's on the other side through the fog that obstructs his sight. 

''Jinx ?” he calls out, and he wonders if she'll just leave him there.

He did slow her down. She probably would have been in her ''safe place'' by now if it wasn't for him. He couldn't really blame her for abandoning him there.

He looks down the hill trying to see through the ghostly veil and wonders how far from the main road he is, and if he should just jump on his hoverboard and go back up, hoping that he'll find a way to reach the Undercity without falling onto the nuclear power blasts of the pillars that was steading and powering it.

“Up here..”

He looks up and sees her shadow through the fog, on top of the hill, and for a second he feels relief as he puts his hand on a piece of junk to start climbing, but then he realizes something and frowns.

“Why did we jump that part if it was to climb again??”

He swears he hears a chuckle.

When he arrives on top, she's facing the other side with her back turned on him. He doesn't know what she's watching, but she seems lost in her thoughts, and when he glances at her he sees sadness on her face and he doesn’t understand it. He throws her a -falsely-  un-amused glare and sighs.

“Seriously, what was the point?” he continues, more calmly, and he knows she heard him the first time, cause she glances on the side, in the direction where they were earlier, and shrugs her shoulders.

“It's harder climbing there. Fell once... I don't wanna climb there anymore.”

He swallows down his saliva and feels his throat tightens.

How many times did she feel like she was in danger here ? How many times did she neared death ? He glances at her bloody shoulder, and imagines how she must have felt the first time she was faced with that monster, or how she felt when she got to safety after being attacked by that beast. The scare. The fear. The loneliness and realization that she'd be alone to go through it all over again.

He looks away and says nothing.

“It's over there.” she says after a moment, pointing at the emptiness, the fog itself, and he frowns.

“What is?”

“Home.” she answers, and then turns towards him, like she's saying goodbye. 

Like she's waiting for him to say or do something before she goes, and he feels like déjà-vu.

He looks at her then at the giant gap between the high, very high hill of junk they were standing on, and the one across was so high he could see how the fog clouded most of it but stopped clouding the top cause the junk would surpass it. And that’s where she intended to go ?

“Yeeeah, and so what, you intend to fly over there or something?” he asks sarcastically, and she looks at him with a blank, unemotional expression.

He blinks at her and frowns some more, understanding why, sure , going through a pipe directly onto Miss Junk-Queen's carpet was better than crossing such an imaginary bridge, but then he sees her eyes slowly dart to his back like a cat does when he's trying to make you understand he wants food and the annoyed, sleepy way she blinks her eyes back at him has him fucking blushing.

“Sure. Ok, I'm stupid...” he says, and takes his hoverboard out from its holds.

She steps away to let him power it and he looks at her with a frown.

“How did you know we could fly with this?”

Her expression doesn't change.

“Saw you fly..”

Sure he thinks. Yeah, sure, that could be an answer. But clearly, her mind was working faster than his, and when she decided on not going down that pipe earlier, she already had in mind that they would fly across the hills with his hoverboard. Girl was thinking fast. Really sharp like Jinx would. And his heart was beating like crazy at that realization.

“Do you even know how it works?” he asks, and she watches him for a few seconds, before looking at the hoverboard beneath his right foot.

“No.” she says, and if he's not wrong, there's a little bit of worry in her voice.

“Ok... Ok, well... Come here.” he says as he steps back, trying to set the hoverboard on the most steady ground he can find.

He takes her left hand and she doesn't seem to care, and neither does he, if he admits. It only seems natural to have this kind of proximity with her, even after all this time, even after everything that happened. 

He steps on it first and drags her to step in front of him with her back turned on him, and he holds her right shoulder tight so that she keeps her back straight then slowly lets go of her left wrist so that he could drag her arm down into a more settling balance.

“Are you ok?” he asks as he lets her find her balance, and she just nods.

He doesn't really think when he feels she's leaning on the right too much, and puts his hand on her hip to make her body go back to a straight position, and he can feel her tense and start to be scared under the loss of balance and he glances beside them to the hight and empty space that was awaiting them and feels unassured about the whole thing.

“You need to keep your balance, if you ever feel like you're losing it, just straighten your arms like a bird to find it back, ok ? I'll do the driving.”

“O-ok..”

“Are we going straight, or will there be turns?”

“What?”

“I need to know so that I can be prepared to help you find your balance, if I make a turn and you don't follow, you might fall.”

She turns to face him and he's embarrassed, cause damn, too close. 

He looks away, pointing at the horizon with his chin.

“If we go straight ahead, it's going to be ok. But you need to tell me.”

“I..”

She looks ahead, and then points in a direction, a little bit on the side, and downwards.

“Over there... Where we're going.”

He looks towards the direction she's indicating and nods, turning the hoverboard in a direct line towards it, slowly, so that she would feel how it works, and he feels really worried, cause the moment he does the very, very slow turn, she starts losing her balance right away.

“We won’t make it if you keep moving like this..” he can't help but say and then she goes down of the hoverboard, quickly walking away as she wraps her arms around her belly.

“I can't do it… can't do it.”

“Yes you can..”

“I can't! Why are you making me do this ; I can't. It's too scary.”

“I won't let you fall. Even if you do, I'll catch you up.”

“I can't trust you. I don't even know you.”

He frowns at the tone, because she's bloody serious and it would be just normal for her to assume he'd take her as a fool for trusting a stranger with her life.

He sighs, and looks at the piles of trash wondering if she should go back and go through her pipes, but what if she forgets about him once she arrives and never shows up for him ? What if she gets ambushed by the beast and gets attacked all just because of him ?

“Listen, we can try something that worked when I first tried the hoverboards with my friends but... you'll have to trust me, ok?”

She frowns and shakes her head a bit, her neck having that backward jolt that she always has when she was feeling like being smacked down by words like she'd take a slap in the face. 

He sighs, and his eyes are kind when he meets hers.

“I swear, you can trust me. I'll never let you fall.”

She frowns looking on the side then looks on the other side, then back at his hoverboard and he can tell, she's wondering how the thing works once they’re in the air.

“Another try?” he says as he steps on it again, and she studies him with glowing, un-trustfull eyes, before walking to him with her arms still closed and she only unwraps them when she needs to give him her hands to come on top of the hoverboard.

“Don't let me fall.” she says blankly, and Ekko wonders if she decided on trusting him, or if she just decided she didn't care about dying anyway.

“I won't.” he promises.

He grabs her hands tightly, and slowly starts making her turn around so that she faces him.

“What are you doing?” she asks in a distressed voice, panicking, and if he wasn't putting both their lives at risk right now, maybe in another life, he would have smiled at how over-reactive she sounded, when clearly, this was Jinx, and she shouldn't be like this, would never even have shown a quarter of what he was witnessing right now.

In another life, he would have found it cute.

But everytime he stared at her drained, smudged face, her scruffy clothes, her sickening skinny body or that neglected mess of entangled blue hair behind her back, he'd be reminded of what situation they were in and where, and he'd feel his heart ache.

“I told you, this is the way it will work. But you'll have to hold on tight, and close your eyes.”

He brings her hands to his hips and she watches him with what seems like a very, very emotional expression right now. So much emotion he hasn't seen on her since he learned she lived down here that he stops for a moment and tilts his head back to watch her more closely.

“You.. you're gonna have to trust me. I will do all the balance, ok?”

“What? How?” she asks, and he can tell the main expression on her face is fear.

She seems more scared about the unknown and unsafety of trusting her life onto someone she barely knows – well, from her perspective – than for her life itself, but he trusted himself enough to be able to steady them both, and he trusted her to want to live enough not to blow this up by panicking mid-air.

“You hold on to me as tight as you can ok, and forget about balancing yourself. The only thing you need to do is go along with my moves. If you feel me leaning to the side, you lean to the side. Get it ? I'm your balance. You just hold onto me and follow my body.”

She nods abruptly, and he doesn't know why she is so quick to answer when she should be freaking out right now, but it's like there's a sudden shot of adrenaline running through them both and they're hurried by the approaching growls of the beast down the other side of the hill they're standing on.

“You hold onto me.” he repeats when he sees she's still only grabbing his jacket near his hips, and she suddenly wraps her hands around his body in such a tight grip at his pressuring words that he has to swallow down the urge to tell her to loosen the hold. “I'll make a few turns in here before going ok? Then you close your eyes and shut down your brain.”

She nods again and he does as he said, not going slow on purpose, just like they trained the Firelight kids that were too afraid of the hoverboards to find the needed confidence they had to feel in order to have a good balance, and he makes a few rounds while increasing his speed until she's too scared to let go and when he feels her being so frozen by fear that she won't even move an inch and just holds onto him for dear life, he throws himself into the void and hits the accelerator.

Her scream echoes through the night and breaks his temple but the sensation of her nails digging through his jacket and the slap of her hair whipping his ear is so overwhelming he feels shut down of time and space for a moment, and as the cold of the fog grips his lungs and freezes the tip of his fingers, he tightens his free hand around her back and holds her tight feeling more alive than he's ever felt this last decade.

He's so caught up by the adrenaline that he barely sees he's reached the other side, and he has to make quite an abrupt stop before he hits the pile of junk before him. The movement has him instinctively put his hands on her cause he knew she'd get scared and lose balance, and as expected she screams in fright and holds onto him tighter, this time around the neck, as she peaks on the side to watch the empty space beneath them.

She whimpers and closes her eyes again before she hides her face onto his jacket, shielding her eyes with one hand while the other is digging into the bare skin of his neck, and now that the adrenaline was cooling down, she was shaking like a leaf and he was starting to feel the sharp pain from her nails. 

Ekko figures they should get down quickly before she makes them lose balance and fall for good, cause she’s starting to hurt him and he feels the urge to recoil.

“I'm sorry I had to do it like this, but it was the only way… Are you alright?”

“Yes I.. i just need to go down. I need to go down.” she says in a panicked loop, still not able to look down, and he gently puts his hand on her back to calm her down.

“There's junk behind you, you can go down, it's safe.”

“Y-yes, I’m going.” she says, but doesn't move, and he squeezes her shoulders a little to reassure her and pushes her away from him slightly.

“Come on, just open your eyes. Take a step back.”

She does, frighteningly so, and goes down while shaking with her eyes still closed. When she finally feels solid ground under her two feet she opens her eyes again to steady herself, letting go of his hands that helped her down, and she lets her ass fall onto the junk the moment she’s finally found her balance.

He hovers backward slowly, watching her as she throws her head into her parted legs and breathes heavily between grunts of literal effort.

He can't help but chuckle.

“So ; did you die?”

He expected her to tell him to fuck off, but he nearly feels like crying when she lifts her head and looks at him with those enraged, insulted eyes Powder used to have whenever he'd taunt her into a game and there would come a point where she'd feel like she's about to lose - and she opens her mouth in astonishment and he waits for it, heart beating in delight and adrenaline when he understands she’s about to retort back just what he expects her to, but then a sudden growl on the other side drifts their attention to the pile of junk they just left and he sees it.

It was still clouded by the fog, but being on the same perspective, same line of sight as it was unlike that time where Ekko was way above it, he can tell how huge, monstrous and dangerous it looked. 

It howled at the sky or the Undercity, he couldn't really tell, but it looked more like an enraged howl than a wolf rilling up its family on a full moon for a happy midnight run into the wilds. 

And then as he saw it, it saw them too.

“Shit, I think he spotted us-” Ekko starts but he barely has the time to turn around to face Jinx that she was already running on all fours, crawling down the pile of junk like a fast, scared animal. “Jinx, what are you doing--??”

He hears a sudden noise in the distance, and when he watches again, he sees the enormous shadow of the beast running down the hill of junk in a loud, deafening sound, and Ekko’s eyes widen at how quick and strong his pace is.

“Jinx, wait!”

He hovers down fast and is ready to catch her on sight and take her away from there, but he sees her open what seemed like a rusty submarine window, and she throws herself into it like a rat.

He glances backwards when he hears the fastening claws of the beast scratching down the dust and junk below the hill and when he understands it has gone down the opposite hill in about less than ten seconds when it took them almost an hour to climb on top, he understands how fast it is going to come their way and he turns to Jinx in horror as he understands he's the one putting her in danger.

“I can drag him away.” he says, but her eyes widens and he sees the panic that suddenly rushes over her.

“He can't find us here!” she screams at him, her tone like she's pleading, and he shouldn't listen to her, dammit he knows she's wrong ; there's no way that monster won't throw all the junk around until it finds them both and eats on them but he's weak, and he's always been.

Powder, Jinx, who or whatever was left of her : she would always be his weakness.

He throws himself into the window after she’s rushed him into coming in and he catches his hoverboard just in time as she barely closes the window behind him and runs inside as fast as lightning strikes the ground. 

He glances at her in panic, wondering if she's running some place elsewhere and if he should follow, but it seemed like a dead-end or whatever the place they were in : it seemed like it was closed, so he assumed she went hiding under some box like a scared little girl so he's the one to try and close the window with shaking hands.

No way a simple submarine window would hold that beast. He could already hear it climbing the junkhill and there was no way he wouldn't find them.

He couldn't seem to close the window entirely and he glanced at Jinx again, wondering if she could help, but she was fumbling through boxes in the dark and he couldn't really tell what she was doing or where they were because there was absolutely not a single light that lighten the space, if it wasn't for the blemish bicker that was coming out of the rusted window he was so desperately trying to close.

Damn he was so dumb to have trusted her. She was fucking retrieved into the mind of a child, how could he have trusted her in keeping them safe ? How the hell could they ever survive this? For fuck’s sake he should have taken her away from here by force if he had to. How did she even survive in here for four years??

“Jinx I can't close it-”

A louder growl cuts him mid-sentence and he feels his heart pounding when he realizes the beast was close, and he wonders if this is how they'll die : trapped together like two scared children too weak to fight their opponent.

Jinx suddenly runs back to him, and pushes him away from the window.

“Don't!” he shouts when he sees her push the window open but then an awful, deafening pitched sound pierce through the atmosphere, and the creature roars so loudly it reverberates through the walls, the trash, the junk and his own skull.

He instinctively curls onto the corner as his body twists to hold in the pain, and he pushes his hands deeper into his ears to protect himself from the shrill sound. 

He watched through narrow, painfull eyes, as Jinx cringed under the drudged endeavor while she tried to cover her ear with the only free hand she had.

He figures the noise was coming from the device she was holding in her right hand, but he had no idea what it was or what was that hell of a high-pitched sound that was coming out of it but it was unlike anything he ever heard in his life.

“Make it stop!!” he begs when he senses he’s approaching his limit, but she doesn't listen to him or perhaps doesn't hear him since she had one un-protected ear, so he crawls until he reaches her and leans outside to grab the open window.

He has the time to see the fog move around as the beast goes through it, running away from their spot and the noise with awful, animalistic growls, and he groans in pain at the piercing noise ringing in his own ears while he puts all his remaining strength into dragging the heavy window towards them. 

He screams when he shuts it down, and catches his breath while Jinx finally lets go of the device. 

She quickly undoes the bloody thing she stuck in a corner and that was preventing it to shut down entirely, then moves her fingers along the locks to lock it down. She then crumbles against it, and catches her breath between pained groans.

“What... the hell was that thing?” he asks in an erratic sigh, too shocked for his tone to be louder, but he’s anything but happy right now.

“He's.. He's nice... Wolfie's nice… He's just hungry.” she breaths heavily, and Ekko feels like punshing her in the fucking face.

“I meant that bloody noise!” he snaps, throwing away the device into the dark space she had them locked in.

She just breathes, and doesn't answer, and for a few seconds, they just stay silent in the complete darkness as they catch their breaths.

She just saved their lives, obviously, it's not like he's blaming her. But damn couldn't she at least have told him she had something to make the monster go away instead of making him think it will find them at some point ? She even made him feel bad for having put chloroform on his clothes and endangering both of them!

Damn he was so mad.

For a moment he thought he was going to lose her.

“He's nice..” she finally repeats between her breaths, and Ekko looks at her through the dark, even if he can't see her.

He both wanted to hug her, snap at her, hit her, and for the first time in his life, wanted to kiss her so bad he felt something in his guts that warned him he might just actually do it, that he decided on keeping his mouth shut and breath in some more to try and hold it in.

He tilts his head away, thinking ''you're crazy'' and almost saying it aloud, but then he remembered she really was, and that was not the Jinx he knew anymore, so he better abstain from saying such things when he didn't know how she could react.

He even told himself he'd stay away from her and won't let her get too close just to find himself trapped inside some shady place she dragged them into and that place didn't even have a light. What a way to go, clever boy. Smart move, he thinks. Damn he was so mad at himself right now. And at his heart even more.

“You could at least have told me your place included an ''anti-beast'' device.” he can’t help but keep repine.

''I told you before. I'm safe here.” she says, and moves on her knees and legs like a cat in the dark, and he doesn't know where she's going, but she seems at ease, and he guesses that's the place she calls "home".

He sighs and keeps on catching his breath, finally taking his hand off that burn he’s been feeling on the right side of his abdomen.

He hears her mumbling into the dark, and that bad feeling in his guts has the confirmation he was fearing when he hears her talk to some imaginary things again : she was back to the state in which he met her last time.

What changed ? Was it because of him ; was it the scare he made her feel with the hoverboard ? Or was it the beast ; or the pain of the piercing sound of the device that made it go away ? Maybe it was just too much for her to take all at once.

“Do you intend on turning on the light at some point or...?”

She doesn't answer but he hears the sound the whatever object she has in her hand makes when she flinches at his voice and turns towards him, and he feels his heart start beating under stress cause really, now was not the time to go all crazy-Jinx mode on him or paranoid or make him fight or run for his life. He's had enough for the next twelve hours at least.

“.. Jinx…? Please just turn on a light so that you remember I'm here. I don't want you to freak out everytime you hear my voice…”

She's next to him in a blink of an eye and he's a bit scared when she watches him closely, he has to admit.

Please god, let her not have eaten human flesh for her to survive that long in here. What if he was her dinner ?

It's crazy how the mind works when under stress. He really hates having this kind of thoughts towards her, towards anyone really, but seeing how she lived, what she's become, he really wasn't sure of anything.

She turns her head on one side then on the other like a bird checking up its prey, but he understands it's more in a curious way when she gets even closer and watches his face like she'd examine one of her bolts. He can barely see her in the dark, but the glimmer that goes through the dusty window makes him acknowledge the bright contours of her nose and face, and the shimmer of her eyes.

And she’s fucking close.

“You.. you see in the dark, with those eyes of yours?” he can't help but ask, and she crawls back, flinching at his words.

“Of course not. I'm just used to the dark.” she says, once again, stating facts.

He sighs.

“Well.. I'm not. Do you have light in here?”

She turns to the side, seems to think for a moment, then hurries towards what seems like a box – or something, he doesn't fuckin know, it's dark! - and jumps down in front of it like a frog as she starts fumbling through it.

He sighs and throws his eyes at the back of his head when he feels relief that she's finally calming herself down and getting him the light, but he can't help but wonder how the fuck did that girl live to not even use light in her place ? And why the hell was she looking at him so closely, did he have something on his face or what ?

Being falsely annoyed and cocky had become his copying mechanism for some years now, but when he watches her form through the dark, his gaze is anything but amused.

He's fucking depressed. And tired.

She rejoices like a child when she finds what she was apparently looking for and then there's a click and a sligh, dim orange light lights up the place.

Ekko can't help but raise an unimpressed brow at the weak power source of the anti-mosquito lamp that flickers under every move she makes.

The little, satisfied and kind smile that she's giving him though makes him lose the expression right away, and he can't help but smile back ; in a way that he tries to be reassuring. 

Cause the moment she saw his judgmental expression, her smile started to fade like she was wondering if she did something wrong for him to look that upset, and he just couldn’t take in that sight that brought back so many bad memories.

“Thank you...” he tells her gently, and her smile is back in an instant.

She giggles happily and stands up, and then she's fumbling through her boxes on the shelves.

Ekko looks at the place, and his eyes saddens even if he's a bit relieved through the anguish feeling wrapping its way around his heart.

He had imagined worse, he has to admit, but that could clearly not be considered a home or anything like it. Sure for the Undercity this was the bare minimum and something they could consider as decent, but Ekko wouldn't wish such conditions on his worst enemy.

They weren't even in a close space, he realizes. Like he said : the mind. It's crazy how it worked. When he first came here, through that window, he imagined he'd end up in a closed space. A submarine even, as the window was clearly one of a boat, and was just as heavy and crafted as the ones from the submarines he'd seen when he was younger, but be it the falling junks that brought it here or Jinx who would have put it there herself to feel like she had a little window with view on the sea, he couldn't really tell, but it was pointless anyway.

The place was actually just an almost, flat ground, between packs and packs of junk, that just happened to keep this place in space because above their head was a literal upside down part of a broken swimming pool that seemed strong enough to hold the hill of junk on top of it. Ekko gulped down while he looked at it, watching as the cracks through the broken previously white tiles were probably indicating her roof will probably, eventually , one day come crumbling down on her head. 

He darted his attention to the walls surrounding them and what she made of the place.

It was high enough to stand, but he wasn't sure his hair wouldn't at least touch the pool-ceiling if he stood up, but she could stand inside it just fine as she was petite and had her back arched forward like a turtle wanting to hide her head into its shell. The walls weren't really walls, but just piles of boxes and junk on top of each other on which she scribbled and scratched so much that no doodle could really be identified, but she definitely did add some color to the grayish, dull tone of the junk surrounding them like a cave.

She'd blocked almost every hole between the trash, stuffing plushies and fabric pieces into the cracks, turning the junk in what he thought were walls at first sight, and since she clearly didn't do that to avoid insects to pass by – like there could be anything as running away from insects in such a place – she probably did it to preserve herself from the cold, since he could feel from the cold crawling its way through his skin the last few minutes now that the adrenaline was cooling off, that nights must be especially tough down here. He didn't even want to think about rainy days or winter frost.

He looks at the farest corner of the ''room'' and sees she has set a few stretched boxes as to make a bed, and apart from the blanket he stored in the first backpack he left her last week and that he's relieved to see curled in a ball next to it, he sees pieces of dirty clothing under which she probably curled before she had that blanket and he feels his chest go up roughly, tightening his heart in a knot without notice as he suddenly feels like crying years of un-shedded tears.

“See!” Jinx suddenly says when she finally finds what she’s been looking for, and Ekko jolts a little, because for a moment he forgot she was there, and he got lost in the pain.

She's thrown herself on her knees in front of him and Ekko looks at the joyful expression on her face, then at the bolt she's handing him, and he takes it without knowing what to say.

She stands up again and goes back to look into her boxes, and he frowns looking at the bolt, not knowing what to do with it.

“Yeah, it... it's cool..?” he says, glimpsing at her in an un-assured way.

She comes back again and drops a bunch of rusty bolts in front of him, smiling like a child showing her treasures to her new friend.

She doesn’t say a thing but the expression on her face says it all, and he can’t help but frown a bit under the pain when she puts her hands on the ground besides her bolts and smiles at him like she’s awaiting him to react to what she’s showing.

He gives her a little tired, encouraging smile in response and nods towards the ground.

“You still have the ones I gave you?”

She giggles happily and draws them out of her pockets, emptying the bag so that the new bolts meet the ones she's collected, and he sighs as he watches her get excited about them for God. Knows. What Reason. With Jinx you never know. But this time around, he thinks it's just because what he has in front of his eyes, is a 6 year-old-child trapped inside the traumatic mind of an adult woman, and the only little joy she can remember from her past was the first joys of her very-first tinkering.

She stands up again and goes back to fumbling into a box, and he watches the ''walls'' again, takes notice of the many awful things she's written near the bed, and on the most-easy-boxes to scratch on.

All your fault . Monster. Alone. Kill her. KILL HER.

He wondered if the ''her'' was Vi, or that enforcer.

Or herself.

“What are you going to do with those?” he asks absent-mindly, but she doesn't answer, looks annoyed because she doesn't find what she wants, and grunts as she throws something on the side.

She looks at another box like it's insulting her, then jumps towards it and starts fumbling angrily inside it.

Ekko sighs and takes the backpack off his back, takes out a bottle of water, and sips a few drops of it.

He empties the bag near him, and instinctively puts his hand on the medicine he brought for her shoulder.

“Jinx?” he calls, but she just groans in response and makes some noize that sounds like an animal that doesn't want to be interrupted and he chuckles, but there's no animosity in his chuckle.

Man, he should have known better. He bet Scar would understand why he's so depressed the moment he gets to stay at the Firelights warehouse again, even though he’d think it would be about a memory. 

He’d really understand if he knew Jinx was alive. Which Ekko certainly abstained from spreading around the last few weeks. But Scar will definitely catch it’d be about her. Deadly so...

“Ah!” she exclaims when she finds what she's been looking for, and she comes back to him with a victorious look on her face.

She sits back in front of him and gets a bit closer to him and the bolts she gathered on the floor, like that was not the place she decided on her ass to end up to, and it's weird, really, that sensation he gets, but he just knows she's comfortable with him now. 

She's almost standing in his personal space, and that is something Powder used to do with anyone to whom she'd get attach with, and even throughout all of their complicated encounters and arguments, there had been a few times in their teenage days and early adulthood where he and Jinx would meet on a more peaceful ground, mostly by hasard, and where they would exchange what seemed to be like a more "normal" conversation. 

And even in those times, where she'd still be his enemy and she'd still be the one who killed his friends and he'd still be the ghost of the past she was trying to leave behind, they'd still stand backs against a rooftop, tensed and angry and upset and acting cold snapping dryly at each other, but their shoulders would be touching or she'd stay too close to him like they just couldn't have a single one-on-one conversation without being in each other's skin like they'd be scared the other won't hear them right if they weren't invading the other's space entirely.

And now felt exactly the same. He could swear he could feel her even without having to touch her.

Once she’s content with where she’s seated she smiles shyly and he looks away looking at what she brought, and when he sees it, his mind starts to switch off.

She starts humming happily while she puts the hairbrush next to her, and when she resumes examining the bolts again, Ekko finally understands what she's doing and tears burn his eyes in an instant as his heart break for good.

He puts his wrists on his lifted knees and folds his hands into fists as he watches her test the bolt she's chosen on the most untangled strand of hair she managed to free of the giant web of knots she had in the back of her head, and he silently cries, without her once noticing.

She groans and gets enraged when the bolt doesn't seem to fit in, and he instinctively leans towards her before she gets angry and throws it away and he grabs the piece of junk that is stuck between her knots to gently show it to her.

“You need... to untangle your hair first.” he tells her, and she watches him like she's learning from his words.

She looks at her hair again, then takes off the junk, before pulling at the strand with the brush and he closes his eyes when he sees she's getting mad at it for not working like she expects it to.

“We should treat your shoulder.” he tells her sniffing suddenly, before he really start losing it and cries a decade of repressed pains, and when he opens his eyes again, she's looking at him with a strange expression so he quickly erases the tear from his jawline and straightens his back against the window.

He takes the medicine he's brought her and gives it to her.

“This will help so that it doesn't get infected. You really need to drink it.”

She frowns and stands up, mumbling a denial, before she goes to sit on the other side of the room and turns her back on him.

He sighs and drags himself to the previous bag he left her, looking through it to find the medicine kit he brought the other time around.

She eyes him warily from the corner of the room as she absent-mindedly brushes her hair - without noticing she's brushing through knots in a way that would clearly not work to untangle them.

He doesn't find the medicine kit so he sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he watches her, catches her defying stare, and he throws her just the same.

“Where did you put it?”

She turns her back on him and sulks like a damn child so he sighs heavily.

“Come on Jinx, don't play games with me. We need to treat your shoulder.”

“What do you care?”

“Don't you? I mean it must hurt right.”

She shrugs her shoulders like she doesn't care and starts mumbling to something on the side, in the corner where she has her bed, and he rolls his eyes when he spots some weird doll-plush or whatever she seemed to have made herself, and it seems she's talking to more inanimate stuff than origami birds, he annoyingly acknowledges.

“Can't one of your imaginary friends tell you you're acting like a child so that you can snap out of it and finally take care of yourself ?”

She jolts a little, and he wonders if she's upset, but when she stands up and turns around to look at him she just seems surprised, not angry.

He frowns at what's coming cause hell, he would never get how that girl's brain was working.

“You're boring me!” she suddenly tells him, like she'd just realized that, and he feels obfuscated for a second, but remembers he's not twelve anymore, and he's dealing with a traumatized, very deranged previous dangerous terrorist, so he decides to man up, and looks at her unimpressed.

“Oh yeah? Awesome, cause that's just the point. I intend to bore you until you give up and let me treat your shoulder.”

“I don't want to be treated. I don't need your help.”

“Sure, you're absolutely fine on your own.”

“Of course I am.”

“Absolutely. Then you can treat your shoulder yourself, like a grown-up. I'll just watch.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

He tries to stay composed as she still looks at him with defying eyes, but probably did the victorious smile he was holding showed in his eyes, cause he saw the realization start to appear on her face and she un-folded her arms and looked startled when she understood what he just did.

“You.. you tricked me into saying that.” she says, and he shrugs his shoulders, acting like it's no big deal.

“You fell for it.”

“SHUT UP!” she suddenly screams while turning around, and he takes his hands off the backpack, standing up slowly.

Shit. He had under-estimated how bad she could react to that.

“I... I didn't mean to trick you, it was just a joke...”

''It wasn't funny.. I know right?-- it wasn't funny!” She snaps back at him, and he frowns, cause the beginning of her sentence wasn't addressed to him, and she repeated it just for him to hear, and he realizes she probably doesn't even realize he hears her when she talks to herself.

“I'm sorry?” he tries, giving her his best apologizing look, and she looks him up and down a few times, her breath heavier, before her eyes start losing focus again and she closes them, mumbling some incoherent words to the side like she's talking to her mind, and he bites his lip.

What was it, with her mind exactly ? Was she like, talking to her own thoughts? Didn't she understand that it was , her own thoughts?

“Little man's right, you're so boring.” she ends her mumbling as she goes back to sit on the floor and resumes brushing angrily at the tip of her dried-as-hell hair.

Ekko doesn't move, and feels like he's been frozen to the ground.

“What did you just say?” he asks, but she doesn't answer, and is already mumbling tempered words to the tip of her hair.

She just stays there sulking and mumbling to herself, and the air is unbearable.

He slowly sits next to her, catching her attention and she looks at him like he insulted her, apparently not liking the proximity at all. 

Which was new, to be honest, cause he'd always known Powder to be very tactile, and the way she invaded his personal space a few times already since he found her in here made him think there was still a bit of that little girl left in her, but he knows Jinx had always kept him at a faraway distance no matter how many times she tried to make him come and fight her, and even if they'd been close a few rare times on those rooftops, she'd always been a wild wind, so he leans backwards, hands in the air as to show he meant her no harm.

“I'm sorry, I'm not invading your space, I just... you said ''little man'' ?” he asks, and she looks him up and down again, like she tries to figure out if he might hurt her, then apparently decides he's no threat to her and goes back to brushing – scraping, really – her hair while she shrugs her shoulders.

“Yeahh... he's really an annoying one, if you must know.” she answers childishly while making that face Powder used to make when she was having these kind of words, and Ekko feels his chest get heavier.

His eyebrows twitch as he frowns, confused.

“Is he now…?” he answers vaguely, not really knowing what to say.

He's starting to feel utterly lost - and very worried.

What the hell was wrong with her ?

“Yeah...” she answers like chanting, the tone one of a child, and her head tilts to the side as she loses herself in her thoughts. “He's always so loud, always barging.. he's such a brat.”

She giggles to herself though and he feels his eye tear up suddenly, but he's confused as hell.

So she does remember him. His child-self at least. But when she looks up to the wall as she keeps brushing her hair empty-minded he looks at the devastating void that re-appeared inside those big, unfocused eyes of hers, and he wonders how much of her , child and adult-self, were still there inside her mind.

“Powder, you...” he whispers, but she doesn't hear him, and it's for the better cause he didn't want to say it out loud, the words just came out from his lips before he could think them through.

He lowers his head and holds back the tears as his throat tightens, and he sighs heavily as he watches her again before his gaze drifts down to her stained, skinny shoulder.

He puts his hand on her shoulder blades, brushing it down slowly in a comforting way, and in the dazed, happy trail of thoughts that she seemed to be in, she just smiles and closes her eyes as she lets him caress her skin.

He wonders if she's thinking about him. An eight year-old version of themselves that would be playing childish games inside her memory.

“Please let me treat your shoulder.” he asks more gently, and she just sighs, bringing her eyes up to the ceiling as her cheeks get rounder under the air she’s stuck in them.

“Pff.. fiine.” she complains, and goes back to brushing her hair without giving him much more attention.

He smiles under a sight of relief and sniffs as he stands up, looking for the medicine kit he gave her last time. He'd known better than to ask her directly for it now that she'd accepted on being treated, so before she changes her mind, he fumbles through her stuff until he finds it and comes back to sit next to her.

“Take the medicine.” he says as he hands her the bottle again, and she goes out of her thoughts to look at it then at him with, once again, untrusting eyes. “Please.” he adds with his most gentler, pleading tone and face, and she hesitates a few seconds before abandoning the brush inside her knots and taking the bottle with both hands.

He sighs as he opens the medicine kit and starts pouring the substance onto a clean compress.

She drinks the whole bottle like it's juice, and he doesn't even have the time to tell her a few sips would do that she's already finished it whole. 

She hands it back to him and smiles.

“Tastes like sweets.” she says happily, and he smirks.

Damn, she must not have had anything to drink besides rain or some shit.

“Sure.” he answers, and she keeps the stupid smile on her face watching what he's doing like she's curious about his activity now.

She seems a bit surprised when he brings the damp sheet to her shoulder, and he watches her face to make sure she won't snap at him, but after she's watched him clean up the blood on her skin, she looks at him straight in the eyes with the same relaxed smile, and he has to stop for a second.

It's the first time he watches her so closely, under what seems to be the brightest source of light they could find down here. 

He could barely tell the freckles on her nose and cheeks with all the dust that covered her face, but he could still pretty much guess each one of them on her skin, and that stain of dirt on her nose reminds him so much of a very clear memory from the past when they used to paint each other's face for their game just in tribute to the first time they'd played it and would have thrown dirt on their nose and cheeks to pretend being warriors, that when he stayed so close to her face right now, and looked at her in those eyes that were so different from the blue irises he'd known, he could still recognize her and it was overwhelming. 

To believe that after so many years, she was still there for him to reach, and that she'd survived it all after all the pain and traumas and difficulties. What were the odds in such a world, such cities, that the both of them would find each other again, in such a place of all places.

He was feeling like a fool these days, but a happy, relieved fool, that was one thing sure. All this time he thought she was gone and that he’d never get to see her again. All these years he thought she was dead. Even in that broken state of mind…  At least she was still alive.

He felt embarrassed as she looked at him, the same way Powder used to look at him back then, at people in general : like she could see through their very soul. 

It's what’s gotten him so attached and linked to her in the first place. Powder always had this way of staring at the world with those focused, judgmental and piercing eyes like she could see your every thought, every feeling, and he knew Jinx was just the same, but once again he saw no judgment in her eyes when she looked at him like that, and even at a very young age, it was something that Ekko had acknowledged. 

That she looked at him in a way that he never saw her look at anyone else, not even Vi. 

With no judgment. No disappointment. 

Only understanding.

She was just looking at him like... like she was seeing him. And after all this time, all those years, and especially those last two weeks where Jinx had been looking at him like he wasn't even there, now was the only time she looked at him like she was truly seeing him and it made his heart unsteady.

Maybe it was because he was with her in what she considered to be a safe place, or because he was touching her skin ; treating her shoulder, but she didn't seem to care about this nor the pain, and kept staring at his face.

So closely.

He pretends not to notice as he focuses on cleaning her shoulder.

“Why do you have a tattoo on your face?” she asks, her tone the same childish one as it's been since they got here, and Ekko gazes at her warily and checks up her expression before he takes another compress and damp it with alcohol.

“It's paint.” he answers calmly, and he looks at her as she watches him some more and frowns.

He doesn't know why she has that expression, but he thinks he guesses. He gently puts the compress on her shoulder and she flinches a little, coming out of her thoughts, but she doesn't complain about the pain and resumes staring at his face with curious, thoughtful traits.

He meets her eyes and studies her all the same.

“Why?” she asks again, apparently confused as to why he bloody has paint on his face, but Ekko knows it's not just curiosity.

She's trying to understand, but what he thinks, is that her mind is actually trying to tie down pieces of memories back together, and he watches every single flinch of her eyes and features as he tries to read her thoughts.

“It's an old habit I've taken... with that friend I was looking for. I ended up painting my face everyday.” he answers, calmly again, and she finally takes her attention away from him and looks on the side.

She's so weak and tired her body leans to the side every time he presses the sheet onto her shoulder, and he wonders if she's not going to faint at some point seeing the race they just made to get up here. Probably hasn't she eaten in a few days, and there was no way her health and stamina was good when she lived in such conditions. It was probably a miracle she had the strength to go through all these junk piles without falling to a certain death. 

He can only guess the hoverboard ride and his questions, and barely talking to anyone really, was also taking her much effort, since she wasn't used to being around people anymore.

“He's not...” she whispers, and he looks at her face again, noticing she seems to be half asleep and lost in her thoughts, and since he knows she's not talking to him anyway, he doesn't answer.

He clears his throat and goes back at her shoulder, before looking at her again, checking that she doesn't faint. When he sees her eyes alert again, looking at the wall, he drifts her attention back to what he assumes to be a more ''pleasant'' conversation than the stressful thoughts she must be having for her to be driven away from sleep like that.

“Don't you think it's cool?” he asks, and she turns and looks at him while wavering a bit like she's high, and he realizes that shit, she actually is.

He eyes the medicine bottle and purses his lips, hoping she doesn't realize she's under drugs and thinks of him as an enemy for making her physically weak.

How was he supposed to know she was going to drink the whole thing ?? He didn't even know it could be that strong. A few sips would have done the job just fine.

“What?” she asks, and he shrugs his shoulders and moves his head from left to right, feeling stupid.

“Nevermind...” he mumbles before giving a last strike at her now cleaned and disinfected shoulder.

He stares at the deep scratches on her skin and makes a pained wince, eying her worryingly.

“How the hell did you manage to escape that beast?” he asks, and takes out the sewing kit to start stitching her up.

“He's okaay...” she chants softly again, wavering a little bit on the side like she tries to smash her shoulder with his as to let him in on a joke.

But he's not in the right position for her to do so, and he has to put his hand on her arm and push her back in a straight position for her not to fall. He sighs and gives her a look, feeling just like his teenager-self when he had to take care of his female friends that had too much of a drink and were complaining about their love interest, unless this time he's in a hell's pit into a terrorist's den, and it's his '' love of my life '' that is half dead under his care.

He sighs and focuses.

“He's just.. hurt...” she continues, and he doesn't really listen to her anymore, trying to focus on where he'll start the stitches cause the wound was really deep and he didn't want her to panic.

“This might hurt a bit.” he says, making sure she hears him, and she gives his hand a slight corner glance before shrugging her shoulder and having what seems to be the hiccup.

“Urh. Been through worse.” she answers, and he watches her for a few seconds as she seems to go back into her thoughts, then he pierces through her skin.

She doesn't even flinch, but as he watches her to make sure she doesn't feel too much pain, he sees her look change : and from the dazed, high unfocused expression she had before, the pain seems to make her more sober than ever and her eyes become sharp and focused, staring at one point without blinking, but he can tell she's thinking a million thoughts and memories by the second.

He swallows hard, thinking fast on what to tell her to set her mind on something else.

“What about your tattoos?” he asks, making a slight move of the chin towards her other shoulder. “Always wanted to ask.”

“Hm?” she asks as she absent-mindedly drives her attention back to him.

She seems to realize he's digging through her skin only at that moment, and flinches a little as she looks at her shoulder and what he’s doing.

He caresses her shoulder with his un-occupied thumb and tries to calm her down, giving her a sorry look.

“It will be over soon... I was talking about your tattoos, where did you get them?” he asks with the tone of a casual conversation, but she looks at him as if she was confused.

“What?” she says, and he frowns a little, pointing at her tattoos with his chin.

“On your right shoulder. The clouds.”

She turns around to look at her shoulder and stares at it absent-mindely for a few seconds. 

She runs her fingers on her arm, frowning, and Ekko frowns even more and gets worried.

Did she forget so much that she forgot she had tattoos under all this dust ?

“The tattoo..” she whispers to herself, and he smirks, getting ready to tease her just so that the tension eases a little.

“What, you didn't remember you had a tattoo?” he says, but he doesn't quite know if she heard him, cause she suddenly jolts, and he has to back off before the needle he was holding pierce her skin even more.

He curses when he sees her get agitated and watches as the needle gets stuck in her skin. 

She lifts her hand to the side of her head like she's annoyed by a noise, and starts breathing hard before groaning and grinding her teeth. She suddenly moans and curses while making a sudden move of the arm towards her sides, and Ekko instinctively puts his hand on her shoulder to try and make her body more steady so that the needle won't cause too much damage.

“Jinx, stay calm-” he starts but he's cut off as she stands up abruptly, shouting at him to get away.

“No it wasn't!? It was an accident! Why won't you leave me alone??” she screams, and Ekko feels his heart beat faster, wondering how the hell a question on her tattoo made her lose it.

She's got the needle and the stitches loose on her skin, and he can tell the third scratch he was stitching up is starting to re-open as she recoils and makes the needle move along with her.

“Jinx, please calm down ? The needle is still in your shoulder.”

She makes a sudden move to the right, like she's chasing a fly or a bat or whatever insect, and screams at the corner of the room again as her face deforms under rage.

“How would you know, you weren't even there!!? Shut up– shut up, you noisy brat, you know NOTHING!”

He sighs and follows her stare, wondering to whom she thinks she's talking to, and tries to make a step towards her.

“Jinx, please, I just wanna help you, you need to calm dow-”

She suddenly points her gun straight at him and Ekko's eyes widen as he stops in a halt and swallows down his saliva. Damn, since when did she have it on her? He didn't even realize she had it.

He remembers his previous thoughts in the campfire and how he promised himself he wouldn't let her get too close.

Fact is he was the one who got too close, and as his guts warned him he would, he'd get burnt.

“You can't help Jinx. There's no helping me.” she says, cringing at the word like she's despised by the mere thought of it. “I'm a monster. Monsters they– they stay alone.” she giggles dryly, her hand shaking and her body trembling but her eyes, even though they kept drifting to the sides and the ground, were as sharp as those of a predator. “I don't want you here. I told you not to come here. I told you not to be here but you came back.” she repeats, her tone getting more and more oppressive, like she's being stressed by the ticking sound of a bomb ready to explode.

And Ekko had always known she was one herself. The worst kind of bomb this world could think of and she wasn't controlling it at all ; herself ticking by the second with each and every second bringing her closer to going off.  

Even though she was the brilliant mind to have created it.

Good thing he was a master in clock cogs and defusing complicated mechanism, cause if he wasn’t, man he’d be long buried six feet under.

“I.. I get it, I don't mean to stay here or intrude your life I swear, I… I just want to help with your shoulder, ok ?”

“No.. no no no, NO .” she repeated as she shook her head and started pacing the room, like she's trying hard not to accept the deal when there was no deal to begin with. She mumbles a few more ''nos'' before pointing her gun back at him, her stare unfocused “I-I don't want you here. You're dead. You're all dead. I killed you.” she says like she just wants him to understand her point.

He frowns and now, he's really confused. He watches on the side again as he sees her point her gun at something else, and she starts begging at the direction to leave her alone, and then she's back at him, looking at him like he's a stain in her perfect white blank sheet and Ekko realizes : she's horrified by his presence. 

And in that state, even if it wasn't clear for her, at that moment, she seems to be remembering him. Cause he's sure she's looking at him the same way she looked at him on that bridge four years ago.

“I'll.. I'll go... ok ? As soon as I finish treating your shoulder, I'll leave you alone.” he tries to comfort her, moving his hands in a reassuring way, but she gets even more tensed when he says that and puts her second hand on her gun as to make her aim more steady, but then she sobs and shakes her head, moaning in pain.

He doesn't know what to do. He wishes to cross the space between them and maybe calm her down but he knows better than to approach Jinx when she's like this. She's always reacted on instinct. She did it before, and she'll do it even more now that she was literally living on them. There was no way he'd risk her shooting at him just cause he'd make a step forward. He wasn't even sure she was in a sufficient, responsible adult mental state to know how to stitch him up if she really did shoot him and regretted it.

“I didn’t want to… I needed to..” she whimpers as she steps back, and she hits her head with her fist, and for fuck sake when he sees her start hurting herself he steps forward.

She straightens up angrily before he can make a step further and she shoots on the left, yelling at a box to shut up, and he freezes, relieved that she didn't notice he was approaching her just now cause he knows if she did that bullet would be stuck inside his chest.

“You never understand!?'' she screams at the room, her fists tightened and her features drowned out, but she doesn't aim the gun at him nor anything anymore, and he glances at her reopened wound and her bleeding shoulder.

“Jinx, your shoulder is bleeding...” he says painfully, and she looks at him with wide eyes like she remembers his presence.

She then looks at her shoulder, brushing it with her fingers, before looking at the other, and she stares at her tattoos while she straightens her arm and takes notice of it like she's discovering it for the first time.

When she lets her arm fall her face breaks apart and he sees a hurricane of emotion go through her in a split of a second as she breaks into tears and sobs and breaths and her eyes start drifting to the sides like it's contemplating the most horrible things someone could witness.

“It. it was a mistake..” she manages to say, her voice quivering and tearing up, and Ekko feels like his heart is going to break . 

“..what was? The tattoo? It's ok, it's just a tattoo...” he starts cautiously, trying to understand, but she sobs violently, and denies between harsh breaths but it seems once again as if she's not talking to him.

“I only wanted to help them.” she continues and he approaches, but she's agitated, and her gun still trembles in her hand.

“Jinx, it's ok..”

“No.. No it's not.. they're dead. They're all dead!”

She has the hiccup again and her eyes widens as she stares into the wall like she's seeing things, and he holds her shoulder when he finally manages to get close to her and she seems too absorbed by her visions to care about him.

“Please, put the gun down, you need some rest..” he tries to make her understand.

She drank too much of that medicine and now she was hallucinating, she clearly needed to lay down, but even tho she lets him touch the gun in her hands, the moment it slips out of her fingers she understands what's going on and she pushes him so strongly he falls onto the other side of some box and the junk trembles under the weight of his body when it hits the ground.

“Don’t touch me!? Why won't you just leave me alone??” she yells.

She gets enraged again and shoots the box in his direction, before grunting and running to the window.

“No Jinx, wait! Where are you going??”

He doesn't have the time to catch up to her, and she's already out and running down the pile of junk when he gets to the window.

“The beast is still out there!” he shouts, but she doesn't answer nor turn around.

He lets his body fall onto the window, cursing to himself while he wonders what he should do.

He could still go after her on his hoverboard but even if he manages to catch up to her, which he doubts seeing how well she knew how to crawl into that maze of junk, she'll probably still be hallucinating and incapable of calming down.

The beast was far gone now so she'd probably be safe, and it was perhaps for the better if he stayed here and waited for her to come back, but he thinks of how she might react coming back to her safe place just to find a ''stranger'' waiting for her and he curses again.

She'll probably go back to her traumatic state as a coping mechanism as soon as the medicine runs off and she's snapped out of her fears. She'll probably forget about him by the time she'll come back, or would still be angry at him so it was for the better for them both if he just left.

Sighting, he climbs on his hoverboard and closes the window behind him, before trailing down the hill then the road in a slight hope of running into her, but she's nowhere to be found, and he hovers back to the top after half an hour with the heart as heavy as a million iron knots.

* * *

Chapter Text

* * *

C H A P T E R II - The Timemaker

When he went back to the Firelight’s base that night, he was feeling like a nuclear bomb ready to go off. His thoughts were spinning, his mind like boiling water and his nerves a steaming pressure-cooker ready to explode any given moment if anyone tried talking to him while he was in that state.

He avoided the Firelights by hovering back to his room without giving anyone the chance to get sight of him, and he locked himself in there feeling like his mind suddenly awakened from a coma and started racing again, trying to catch up on the many years it was lacking.

There were so many things to process. Too much information at hand. So much potential incoming danger to consider. So much at stake.

Her.

He needed to warn the Firelights about the Monster. 

He definitely should tell people to keep away from there, but then if he talked about the Monster, they’d want to go down there and take it down, and that could make them run into Jinx and realize she was alive and that would endanger them and probably her, cause Ekko wasn’t sure she was in any sufficient mental state to fight them anymore.

She surely knew how to take care of herself and survive down there, but she just looked like a mere shadow of what she used to be. And with that weakened body of hers, and that scrap gun she made out of the junk, would she really be able to defend herself against a bunch of other, very-well trained people going for her guts ? Ekko wasn’t sure anymore. Maybe she managed to make some bombs down there and could still rely on her knowledge of the place to get away, but once people find out she’s alive, she’ll be hunted down dead or alive once more and there was no way she’d have enough arsenal down there to be able to fight them all at once.

He can’t have them go for her head. Not this time. Not ever. 

He needed to tell people to stay away from there, without telling them what he saw. He needed time.

He needed to get her out of there first. He’ll take care of the beast later.

It was for the better if people still believed she was dead ; and throughout his nervous pacing in the room, Ekko seriously wondered if there was anything left of her past, unwavering self inside her broken mind, cause it clearly seemed way too damaged to be healed within a few days.

* * *

He had sworn many years ago that he won't let Powder decide anymore of his actions nor thoughts, as he was engraving their symbol on the stone of an aimless friend that had died from his injuries after Jinx threw one of her bombs at him. 

He had sworn he'd never get his feelings get in the way of his resolution again, as he watched the countless faces of his friends died under Silco's goon's hands and Jinx's bullets, being painted onto their base's wall for everyone to remember their bravery.

He had sworn he'd buried his feelings for her, her old self and what he wished she would have become, when he lived all those years with the doom feeling that every day will come carrying the dreadful news of her body lying somewhere in a cold river and he would just have thought she had let herself mourn and hated herself to the point of ending her own life.

He had sworn he was over her, and that he'd never get entangled with her shit ever again, but seeing her after all this time and seeing what she's become, was just too much for him to bare and he couldn't simply ignore the fact she was living like a lost forgotten trash under the buzzing cities whom kept on living in oblivion when she was just there under their feet.

It was as if she was garbage herself. That same garbage Piltover had been throwing down on them and that they'd been throwing down themselves further below in order to forget about it like it never existed. The very reason for all those wars and hatred and differences all trashed down onto the very bottom of its source, and among them was the pure soul of his childhood friend who'd been through it all and seen it all, just like his own child-eyes who grew up with so much hatred for the ones who'd thrown it all down on their weak shoulders to bare. 

He couldn't just leave her there. He couldn't just abandon her to that fate she believed she deserved and forget about her like the upper-city had been forgetting on them and the under-city had been forgetting on its own down-side either. 

What would that make of him? What kind of man would he be, what kind of friend would he be, if he just decided to turn a blind eye on her soul and decided to go on with his life like his childhood friend wasn't living like a ghost among the ghosts the cities and its people decided to forsake and abandon down there ?

He didn't know how far gone she was, or if he'd ever manage to get her back, but he could at least try. He should and he would.

There was no way she was completely lost, not after she saved his life, not after she stayed alive for so long when it could have been so easy for her to just give up .

He knows he'll regret this someday. He knows whatever happens, there will come a time where he'll have hopes, where he'll believe things can be right for her, and either he'll let his heart reveal in false hopes, or she'll crush them down herself and he won't be able to do anything about it.

Even if he succeeds, he has no clue of what future could be awaiting for him, and he doesn't even want to think about it. Be it the Firelights, Piltover, the Undercity, everyone looking for her head. Even if Jinx ends up getting better, that would probably mean she'll resume creating deathly weapons again, and thus cause deaths again, inevitably. And he already knows he's feeding a monster just to be eaten himself and to see everything he built in hopes of a better future being crushed down to the ground.

He doesn't want to think about it, so he just throws it at the back of his mind and keeps on moving. Like he always does.

He trails down the same hill as two days before but this time around he stops before he reaches the ground, just waiting for his vision to get more clear, then hovers back up and starts following the ''road'' at a lower pace.

He's well prepared this time. If only rumors got him down here the first time, he now knows what to expect, and he can't help but feel a bit stressed as a thin line of sweat rolls down his temple at the thought of the monstrous beast he got a peak of through the fog last time.

He brought a gun with him as well as bombs, but those were for emergency situations only. He left his stick at the Firelight's base because there was no way if he engages in a direct fight with the beast that he'd come out in one piece. Guns were more appropriated. And speed. He added two power batteries to his hoverboard just in case, and hopes for the best as he passes-by a few shimmer addicts moaning on the sides of the road.

He waves his red flare at them, blinding them with the light, and they crawl away in fear. 

Jinx was right. They didn't like light, which he intended to use as a weapon if needed - he made two blinding bombs in case he was surrounded by a bunch of them all at once.

He gulped down his saliva and slowed down his pace, recognizing a few abandoned furniture he passed by the other time he was around with Powder and she had stopped to fumble through the drawers. 

He scanned the area in search for her, but everything seemed quiet, and only his engine and the bats in the sky pierced through the silence as he carefully hovered forward. 

When he arrived at an ambush, he stopped and got off his hoverboard, throwing his flare ahead before lighting up another one. He walked towards the square and peaked at the crossroads, wondering which way he should go, but then his eyes got caught by the middle of the area that looked like the remains of an old campfire place and he stopped in thought. 

Blocks and cupboards were turned downwards as if to make seats, and an old wagon-conductor chair was standing in the middle, facing a pile of junk that looked like it had been put there as to be lit up by fire. 

Piles of rusted metal and smashed bodies of old cars were surrounding it, and Ekko sights when he recognizes some of the models.

He was about thirteen when the Undercity decided they’ll copy Piltover’s cars and vehicles, but since finding the right materials was costly and onerous, they’ve been trying to make it work with second-hand parts and anything that could perhaps do the job.

All of these ended up in failures and were trashed down to this place before their Piltover counterfeits finally managed to work, and started being useful enough to be kept.

Thousands and thousands of failures ended up here. A decade of hopes and resentment and need to prove themselves so strong they forgot how the Undercity was built in the first place.

Approaching the firecamp look-alike, Ekko sets his hoverboard on his back and makes an arc with his arm, lighting up the area to see if anyone was around.

His heart starts racing when he sees a few movements in the ruins, as well as numerous glowing pairs of eyes that slightly reflect his flare as he waves it around. Gulping down, sweat appears on his forehead when he realizes there were shimmer-addicts hiding all over the junkhills, watching him from afar.

They weren't making any moves though, and perhaps didn't plan on attacking as long as he had the flare, but he was pretty sure he just walked into one of their den, so he'd better keep a light-source close if he didn't want to be their next meal.

Approaching the pile of junk in the middle of the false-chairs circle, he takes his gasoline lighter out of his pocket and starts litting up a piece of an old wooden board internally hoping for it not to be rotten. He warily glares at the edges of the square throughout the whole process, waving his flare from side to side to make sure no shimmer-addicts were trying to come down the junk and attack him from behind.

When the trash finally starts litting up, he turns to the fire and lets a sigh of relief escape his mouth. Taking out the powder dust he stored in a little bag, he throws it into the fire so that it grows faster and burns the rest of the junk and he gives himself a few seconds to rest.

Glaring at the junk piles, he sees some of the forms crawl away from the light. Others growled and seemed agitated, grabbing the junk furniture and digging their nails into it as if they were frustrated by the sudden source of light that prevented them from approaching, and Ekko smirks bitterly while looking at them.

« Yeah sorry, but come closer and I'll turn you into a barbecue. » he mumbles to himself, glaring at the forms that were slowly starting to run from the place.

When the last form disappeared, apparently giving up on the idea of having him as its early dinner, he sights and holds his flare up to the other side of the square.

He scans the area and notices scribbles on the huge stones that seemingly fell from the rocks steading the Undercity above their heads. He approaches them to see what’s written.

It was just a bunch of erased names, really, probably the ones from the shimmer-monster’s families or even their own, before shimmer clouded their brain entirely. There was also a few scribble and drawings with colors on the near-by furnitures, and Ekko could tell a child draw those, so he wondered if there were any in this place, and if some shimmer-junkies lived their lives there for a few months or years before they turned themselves into monsters with their addictions. Was any child born in here, and even if it did, could any have survived in such a place? Or was it Powder's doing ? It looked pretty much like the kind of drawing she would do, and at that thought, he wondered if that was her lair, and he looked back at the big, ripped conductor chair near the fire. 

Did he just burn a pile of junk she made ? Was this where she gathered her findings ? 

Shit, she was going to be so pissed. What if she had valuable things in there ? If only he could-

« You again. » a voice suddenly says, and he jolts a little before he turns around.

He sees Jinx, standing on a dismantled truck, her hand sloppily put on the side of the next junk to steady herself, and she doesn't move ; just stays there lurking in the dark with her eyes glowing under the bright red light of his flare.

And if he hadn't met her the day before and hadn't seen how broken she seemed, he won't be ashamed to say anyone would be scared of her right now.

“H-hi...”

He walks towards the attempting-fire-camp part in the middle of the crossroad, and slowly drags the backpack he had on his back down his shoulder to set it on the bench made out of three turned-down iron boxes.

« I brought snacks ? » he says carefully, trying not to scare her as she seemingly intended to keep her distance.

She takes a step forward, but stops before the next junk makes her go further.

He sits down on the bench and opens the backpack, taking out the snacks he stole from Piltover in means of this entrevue. It was Powder's favorite snacks when they were kids. He didn't quite know if Jinx still liked them, but he hoped her memory might get better with some familiar sweets to chew on.

« Also brought you something to treat your shoulder ? » he adds, and he sees her eyes drift to her shoulder like she's wondering what he's talking about, before she glares at him again like she's testing his dangerousness.

He gulps down and leaves the packet of snacks further on the bench, setting the backpack on his side. He waits for her to say something but she doesn't, and he glimpses to the side, checking up the roads leading to the other parts of the dumpyard to make sure no one's coming their way – or anything monstrously inhuman, really. But he's pretty sure Jinx won't be out there in the open if anything dangerous was around. Apart from her, that is. 

Maybe he should be the one to be cautious. Or afraid.

She moves again and his attention immediately drifts back on her.

She's just looking the same as two days ago. Like a walking mess. But Ekko can tell she's been luring in the dark for some time now, cause he recognizes the sound her hair makes when it brushes through the wrecks she's walking on, and there's pieces of god-knows-what entangled on the tip that scrapes the floor as she approaches.

And he wonders… 

Maybe was she the one the shimmer-addicts ran away from.

She doesn't seem surprised by his presence, so he figures she was probably spying on him this whole time.

“I know you said to not come down here, but I've been worried about you?”

She comes down the rest of the junkhill and carefully steps towards the fire, watching it as if it’s telling her stories she only can hear.

“He understood how to make them go.” she simply mumbles, absent-minded, as she watches the flames.

He drags her attention back to the bag of snacks by handing it to her.

“Thanks to you.” he answers.

She doesn't answer, and just watches the snacks as if he was holding a bomb, and she seems obfuscated by the gesture.

He licks his lips nervously as he watches her, and when she drags her attention on him and looks him up and down, analyzing if he was of any kind of threat to her, he does the same looking at her body just to make sure that beast didn’t get to her last time. 

He feels relieved when he sees no other blood stains or ripped parts of clothes than the many ones he saw the other time around, but he can tell in the way she’s gauging him that she doesn’t trust him, and when he remembers she doesn’t even remember him, he feels his heart waver for the hundredth time this last few days.

With Powder already having a hard time trusting anyone , really, that was definitely going to be more difficult than he thought.

But he finally came up with a plan yesterday. So he just had to stick to it. It might take some time, but eventually, it might work.

Since she doesn’t seem to trust him enough to approach, he sighs and makes another attempt at handing the bag to her.

Maybe she had trust issues, but damn he could tell just by looking at her that no human being in her condition would ever refuse food - especially when it was her favorite snacks, he kinda counted on them to break the ice.

“I won't bite. It's just snacks. You'll like them.”

She hesitates for a few more seconds, before taking a step and snatching it out of his hands like he was trying to trick her, and he leans back, thinking it was faster than he thought.

He can't help but let a sigh escape his mouth when she backs off and squats on the wagon-driver's chair, opening the bag like she hasn't been feeding herself for months.

And Ekko wonders, honestly, how long has she not eaten ? Probably weeks. Days, at most. What the hell was she even eating in this place ? How did she find water ? He's been wondering for two days now so he brought three bottles in his backpack just in case. For the first one, he doesn't really want to know, and tries not to remember the shimmer junkies he saw eating on each other's guts the other day.

She puts a handful of snacks in her mouth as she watches him with alert eyes, still frowning as if he was a possible threat to her, but he can tell from the sudden softening of her eyes that she enjoys the feeling of eating something sweet – just something , probably. 

He can't help but smile a little, sadly so.

“It's good right?” he asks, and she nods three times like a child that hasn't even learned to speak yet.

He bites his lip, hard, as he clenches his hands one against each other and watches her for a few seconds, before her eyes drifting to the fire makes him do the same.

How broken was her mind exactly? Why did it retrieve itself into that childish state ? What happened to her on that night, for fuck’s sake ? He watches her worryingly again, and doesn’t say anything for a few long minutes as he just stares at her, who doesn’t even seem to notice his presence. 

She keeps chewing at the snacks absent-mindly, her eyes glowing and amazed at the fire and from time to time, she follows a sparkling ash until it fades into the air then goes back to staring at the flames with wide, empty glimmering orbs.

“Did you manage to escape that monster the other day?” he asks, worried, but she doesn't look at him, just stares at the fire as she's swallowing snacks like a hippopotamus swallowing flies.

“He's not baad...” she answers absent-mindly, apparently not caring about his tone or her safety, and he frowns a little, confused.

“You mean the monster?”

“Hm-m…… Wolfie's kind.. He's not a bad monster. He's just angry sometimes... Like me. But he's not bad…” she repeats, on that same tone that seems way too childish, and Ekko’s even more disconcerted.

She answers him like he's not really there, and frankly, he sometimes can't tell if she's talking to him or to herself. 

She doesn't look at him again, and he takes it as a good sign, cause it means she doesn't see him as a threat anymore ; something to be scanned and examined every two seconds to check if he's going to attack her. 

That was at least progress. He could see she was starting to relax somehow, and be it the fire or the sweets, he hoped she was at least comfortable enough with his presence not to run away or go all panicked-mode on him.

“Did he do that to you?” he asks again.

Her eyes widens a bit and she stops her chewing, finally looking at him, once again like she's first surprised by his presence - or the mere fact he's talking to her - and secondly, once she's done with the shock of having a question directly thrown at her, she analyzes the words and gets confused by them.

He gives her a little nod of the head to point at her shoulder with his chin, cause she clearly doesn't seem to get where his question is going, and then she looks at her shoulder. 

And under the bright warm light of the campfire, Ekko can clearly tell this time that there are three huge scratches on her skin. The blood is dried and mixed with dust or dirt, he couldn't really tell the substance, but it clearly looked infected, and like it had been there for some time.

She finally understands what he means and looks back at him, her head going low between her shoulders that she brings up to her ears like she wants to shield herself between them, and she nods looking guilty.

His gaze shows he pities her once again, and he couldn't help it even if he tried.

How did she become like this... 

She was just so... not her .

“I brought you something to treat it so that it doesn't get infected.” he says again, but she doesn't answer, just moves her hand towards her ear like she's annoyed by a bug and then she scratches it like it’s hitching.

She mumbles something he can't hear while she crosses her arms around her belly, balancing herself slightly.

He wonders if she's had too many snacks cause she clearly looks like she's in pain, but she mostly looks pissed.

He gulps down his nervousness and eyes the fire, trying hard to think of something to say to change the subject before her thoughts drag her to get away from him.

“I don't think you're safe here.” he says calmly, looking at her with unasured eyes, wondering if she'll take that the wrong way, but she nods in agreement and he feels relieved.

“ ’am safe here. Belong here. Up there, on the surface, not safe.” she says, and he frowns.

It was something he had already noticed with Jinx. How her actions or features would contradict her words. It's like there were the things in her mind, in her heart, and the things she would allow herself to say or feel. It was an unsettling thing to watch ; how her own mind would struggle with her heart, and many times he'd gotten lost in the sight and forgot how quick she'd get at shutting down her consciousness and unleash a bomb on her enemies just to make those voices go away. 

Many of his friends died because he wasn't fast enough in warning them about what was to come, and that had all to do with his incapacity of dartying his eyes away from her losing her mind as he was trying to understand how it afflicted her.

He learned from his mistakes now, that was a sure thing when it came down to fighting her, but seeing an even more unsettling, unstable broken version of the her he used to know, was just as frustrating and shakening as the first time he saw her break-apart and scream out her sorrow and there was barely anything he could do to help her calm down or feel better.

She was still that little girl feeling things too intensely and taking things too much at heart as she used to be, but as much as her heart and soul were still pouring through in her body language that she couldn't seem to control, the only words her mouth would speak would be those of the fears and demons that inhabit her as if it weren't her own anymore.

Sighting, Ekko wondered how much of ''Jinx'' was still there inside her now, as much as he thought there wasn't much left of Powder inside Jinx years before that night. 

But he’s been wrong before. He knows better than to repeat the same mistake again.

“What do you mean? Are you talking about enforcers?” he asks carefully, trying to make his tone as detached and non-oppressive as possible.

She nodded energetically, closing her eyes as if trying to erase the thought before she looked at the fire again, still bouncing on her heels that kept digging into the ripped cussins of the chair, creating a strong leather noise. She seemed mesmerized by the dancing flames.

“They look for monsters. I’m a monster so they look for me too..... Everytime.. everytime..” she starts mumbling, her eyes still focused on the fire. “ I- I know. Every time I... Yeah. I can't go back there. I'm safe here.” she concludes, and once again, Ekko doesn't feel like she's talking to him .

“That huge beast from two days ago ? He's a real monster... It's dangerous for you here too..”

“No, no... No.” she mumbles more abruptly.

She shakes her head and stands up, seemingly wanting to leave because he’s upset her, but then she feels the warmth of the fire and just stops in a halt and stands there, staring at it while breathing hard.

So mesmerized she seemingly forgets what they're talking about, and Ekko jumps on the occasion to change the subject.

“The fire... is it ok with the monster? It won't attract him right ?”

She looks at him again like she remembers his presence, then up to the huge wreckage of a bus on the left, and Ekko thinks she's looking at the monster when he sees her eyes widen so he follows her stare, but there's nothing there if not for hundreds of shadows made by the junk piles.

“He might...” she says, lost in her thoughts, and his heart beats a little faster when he looks at her again and she just seems like a demonic ghost-figure standing in the doorway to hell, as she stares blankly into the fire with those glowing un-natural pink eyes of hers that he still hasn't had the time to adjust to.

She wasn't leading him into a trap... was she ? From what he understood from her mumbling last time, she killed those shimmer junkies to feed it. 

He hopes her survival instinct won't drive her to do the same with him.

“He feeds on the shimmer addicts here, right?”

She turns her absent-minded attention back to him, then nods slowly, and Ekko glances at her hand when he realizes she's holding her gun.

It was a gun made out of scrap around here, he could clearly tell she made it herself, but it didn't look less deadly. It looked a lot like her previous gun but she probably tossed that one the moment she ran out of power that he knew she was adding on top of her bullets. She probably never went ''up-side'' again once she decided to live down here, so it's not like she could find the stuff she needed for it to work in this place. He couldn't believe she managed to make a working gun out of this junkyard, how the hell did she even manage to do that ? He didn't check the head of the shimmer-junkie the other day but clearly, she had managed to find stuff which had the perfect weight and shape to be shot as bullets, or who knows if she didn't craft bullets herself out of iron wreckage pieces.

Anyhow, he admired her for it, once again, and couldn't help but feel a slight of hope and affection in his heart at the mere thought of her still being sharp and strong enough to remember how to build such working, deadly devices. 

Definitely, she was still somewhere inside that broken mind. And still wanted to survive enough for her to build a defensive weapon.

“How did you survive so long down here?”

She blinks and looks confused again, before watching him with wide eyes like she did every time he talks to her and she seems to realize someone is actually here, addressing words to her. He lowers his gaze and points at her gun, her scrapped down pants, and the many scratches on her body.

“You surely know how to defend yourself but why do you insist on living here, when it's clearly not safe for you?” he asks again, and she doesn't seem to get upset.

He measures his tone to talk to her like he'd just met her, like he's not pressuring her into anything, cause he understood : she starts losing it when he brings up the past. If he talks to her like she's just some stranger who happened to have crossed his path, then she'll give him the answers he needs to understand more of her situation. 

And after all, that was what he was to her now, wasn’t he…? Just a stranger she happened to meet two days ago.

How did it come to this, for her to have forgotten all about him, he wonders.

She shrugs her shoulders and looks on the side, where the scribbles and drawings he saw earlier are, and she seems sad.

“It's not safe everywhere, up there... I belong here.” she whispers, and he sighs and frowns discreetly.

That line again, it was like it was her new mantra.

As much as her ''Powder's dead, it's Jinx now'' snap thirteen years ago had hurt his soul, he always believed it to be bullshit until he talked with Vi some years ago and she admitted to him calling her that on the night Vander and their brothers died. He was so mad at her he never once in his life wanted to punch someone he loved so much, not even Jinx. 

He understood how deep the wound was cut into Powder's mind after Vi told him this cause he'd known all of Powder's suffering as he was the one she'd confide in whenever Mylo would snap mean untruthful words at her, so when he hears her repeating that she belongs here, a monster among real, very real monsters, he wonders if there are some things about that night where she blew the council that he doesn't know. He swears that if Vi ever told her anything as close as that, he'll definitely kill her with his own hands before she ever gets to say she’s sorry.

“Why... why do you keep saying that ?” he can't help but ask, feeling really down.

She believes she's a monster and he gets it, but he needs to know what drove her into believing such an atrocity. Sure Jinx wasn't a saint, and sure she did a lot of things wrong, but there was a line between believing she was a monster and truly living like one, among them. He just couldn't get the part where she found enough strength and courage and rage to shoot at the whole damn council just to drive her broken soul down to this place and decide she'll live like this, forgotten by all, an outcast from her own misfortune. 

She seemingly decided to forsake her own self. She had forsaken Powder once, but she still believed in the strong person Jinx would make of her then. But now ? She had forsaken all of herself. And Ekko wondered if that meant she was gone forever, cause what point in bringing her back to the surface, if all he'd be bringing back was an empty shell habited by his memory of the ghost she used to be ?

She takes a step forward and lifts her hand near the fire, feeling its warmth like it's the first time she feels the sensation of a fire caressing her skin.

“I've done really bad things...” she just answers, in a whisper again like she's not talking to him, but in the almost complete silence of the area, he hears it anyhow.

“We all did...”

She closes her eyes and chuckles ironically, before slightly tilting her head to the side like she's tempted by some thoughts.

“I did.. so much bad things and… mistakes.  Lots of mistakes and… people... I killed them all. All dead.”

Ekko stays silent for a moment, taking in the childish, falsely bragging tone in which she said that, like she’s trying to turn the atrocity of her words into a joke to make their truth more bearable. He watches her intensely, but she's staring on one side, her head leaning on the other, and she's got that empty enraged look again as she stares into nothingness.

He looks at where she's looking, cause he feels like there's something or someone there, giving him the chills, but when he sees nothing, he watches her again and feels genuinely concerned.

“I killed people too, you know.” he says finally, staring at his hands, and he can feel her attention drifting back on him.

“You did?” she asks, and for the first time, he senses something as a genuine emotion in her voice, even if it's only a mix of surprise and curiosity.

He looks at her and stares into her pink eyes shimmering with orange under the fire that lights up her face, and he smiles bitterly, nodding.

“Hm.. We all have to survive and do things we're not proud of.”

She looks at the fire again, and slowly starts walking around it.

“Perhaps...” she murmurs, lost in her thoughts, and he glances at the mess of a hair that follows her and wonders if she's aware enough to not let the remaining tips of her old braids brush into the fire and set aflame.

Her hair looks dry enough to lit up like dried hay, and god knows if she doesn't have petrol or gasoline or any flammable substance stuck to her locks and... Damn he could already see it happening in front of his eyes.

“You.. you should be caref..” he slowly tries, worried as he points at her hair, but she's not listening to him.

“Your friend must have killed a lot of people too!” she suddenly says, turning around as she points her gun under her chin and stares at the sky in thought.

Ekko glances at her hair and the fire behind her and winces.

“Yeah.. yeah I guess she did.. You should..” he tries again, pointing at her mane of a hair as he stands up, but she's ignoring him.

She turns her back on him and parades around the fire, suddenly agitated, before jumping on a chair then onto the other.

“I wished I could meet her! We'd be good friends~” she says in a cheerful tone, and Ekko's arms go down as he sighs.

At least she's away from the fire, her hair won't go up in flames. 

But this whole conversation was leading nowhere.

“I decided to give up on finding her.” he blurts out.

She stops on one chair, the one nearest to the bench. 

She was feeling comfortable enough to turn her back on him, and now she was going to jump on the three-iron-boxes-bench he was previously seated on, but he knows better than to let her get too close.

Just as much as she was having her reservations towards him, he was having reservations towards her.

He couldn't let her get too close before he knew more of how unstable she truly was. Cause she saved his life, sure, but if that meant she was still somewhere inside that horror shit-show he was witnessing, it also meant that she could be faking a part of it and knowing how dangerous Jinx was, there was no way he'd let his guard down around her. Not when she seemed to have turned into one wild animal leaving on instincts and have survived in an un-survivalable place god knows how. 

Being cocky had always been her strong spot. And there was no way he'd end up being a snack to some giant wolf in need of fresh blood just cause he'd let his heart relieve in false hopes.

His heart stirs when he sees the confusion on her face, like he just screamed at her to fuck off or something, and he frowns in confusion just the same when he sees her eyes drift to the side many times as if she was unsure of what to say.

“No you can't.” she blurts out after she snapped out of the shock. “Why?” she asks him, and for a second, seeing how upset she seems and hearing her distressed voice, he feels like seeing Powder, twelve year old Powder, when he asks her to come with him.

It's unsettling. One second she was this ghost-mess of what used to be Jinx, and the next he sees a dripping with rain Powder who seems confused when he tells her to come with him and she blurts out that Powder's dead, looking at him with the same shocked expression, like she's scared and confused and angry all the same as to why he dares call her that and tell her to leave Silco.

It was natural for her to be around him back then. It took him years to understand but for her, to her mind ; her broken genius mind that was thinking so fast her own thoughts wasn't enough and started separating into many other thoughts that didn’t even seem like her own anymore ; it was only natural for her to be around a monster as she was herself feeling like one, so she didn't quite understand how he couldn't see that and why he would want her to come with him and go back to what they used to be when this was what she thought to be the new reality - her reality.

The situation wasn't the same but also, not quite. 

He realizes as he watches her baffled, confused expression, and the distress in her eyes, that her soul seems to remember that exact moment too, even though she doesn't recall.

“I figured... maybe you were right, and she wants to stay here.” he says sadly, and she frowns, looks at the floor while breathing heavily before she gets down the box and puts her hand on her hips.

He swallows hard, not really knowing if she knows, deep down inside her mind, that he's talking about her, but he decides on going on with his plan anyway, so that she wouldn't turn her back on him.

“I'll come back for her another day. I thought that since I found you here, perhaps I could help you , instead of her. You clearly look like you could need some help around here.. It looks like a tough place to live.” he tries to sympathize.

She suddenly makes an abrupt move with her arm, the one that holds the gun, like she's angry at her thoughts or the air or something. He watches her as she suddenly scratches her shoulder, shrugs them inwards like she's being attacked, then makes a sudden jerk of the head and he frowns more and more, wondering what the hell is happening to her. 

“I don't know. I don't know!?” she says, and gets agitated again, pacing around the fire while moving her head in denials, and once again, her arm makes an arc like she's trying to make the fog evaporate around her path.

He frowns, cause the moves are so out of place, don't fit the conversation, and neither do her words. He wonders if he made her break-down inside her mind again, so he bites his lips while thinking about how to fix this. She's definitely not talking to him, he realizes as he watches her stop and snap something at the wall of scribbles, before she turns on the side and screams at the floor to shut up, calling it names like she's cursing at a cockroach.

He opens his mouth to speak again but she turns around suddenly and makes an enthusiastic move of her arm towards him.

“You're right!” she exclaims, seemingly cheerful all of a sudden, and he recognizes that false expression from Jinx, and feels his heart beat like a drum before it aches. “Your friend doesn't want to be found. It's better to leave her alone.”

He frowns again, biting his lips as he wonders what to say. He sees she's not finished so he lets her speak, but she seems to have calmed down a bit, even if he could tell she's at the brink of losing it again. He sees Jinx so much in her at that moment that he doesn't quite know what to feel. Relief, panic or hope, or perhaps worry. It was all entangled inside his heart guts and memories and shit, he didn't know what to do with this.

But having her lose it was exactly what he wanted, so he waited. He needed to make her snap of the shocked-traumatic state in which she seemed to be in, for her to start emerging through the nightmarish thoughts that usually took control over her. Only then could he really assess the damage and know how to get her out of here.

“Why would I mind right ?” she laughs nervously as she scratches her shoulder again, looking on the side towards the road, and then she grabs her left arm with her right hand and stays like this a few seconds before her eyes get wider and wider as she loses herself in her thoughts.

“Mind what..? Hey, are you alright-” he starts, but she resumes talking not noticing, and he holds his breath.

“It's nice being alone. I like being alone.” she continues, shrugging her shoulders as she looks away at the fire with wide, unfocused eyes, and Ekko thinks ''BINGO''.

I thought we were talking about my friend, he wants to say, but he holds it in his throat, cause he doesn't want her to feel like he doesn't care, but also cause he doesn't want to miss his window when he's got her exactly where he hoped her to be.

“Isn't it lonely though?” he asks instead, and her eyes widen even more, and she straightens her body like she's been electrocuted by the words. 

She watches him as if he insulted her, or like she’s shocked by his presence once again, and he feels his heart beat harder.

Maybe did she just feel like he’s seen right through her, and that’s exactly what he feared.

Cause that meant she somehow was cautious of her own lies.

“I'm not alone.” she tells him, the tone just like a brat's stating the obvious, and he can't help but smile when he hears it.

Damn, he just feels like hearing Powder for real. It feels like his heart just got choked and released from the hold.

The emotion in her voice was coming back, and so was his. He could feel his throat getting sore and he tried really hard not to get teary eyes when he forced a slight smile.

“Didn't you just say you liked being alone?”

“Yeah, like..” she waves at the emptiness again, like she's showing him the huge, empty junkyard. “I'm never alone.”

She didn't make any sense, but he acted like he understood anyway and nodded.

Sighting, he approached the fire to lit it up again, and he watched as she stepped back like she was surprised by his sudden move.

He was a little hurt by that, he has to admit.

“I'm not going to attack you...? I don't mean you any arm, you know.” he says after he lit up an unburned piece of trash, and she shrugs her shoulders again as she watches the lighter in his hand.

“There are a lot of people who want to hurt me...”

“Is that so?” he asks, but he already knows. He's just curious about how much she actually knows about the reward for her head up there.

She nods three times again, like a child explaining something and being glad she’s got her point made, and Ekko holds back a sigh when he realizes she's slowly going back to the traumatic-parts of her brain.

“They want to do all kinds of bad things to me. There's this doc somewhere... Up there. He tortures and hurts people like me. And the policemen. All, all very bad policemen and... Women.” she stops a few seconds, her eyes suddenly wide and mad like she remembered something. “There's women in the police too.. They all want to kill JINX that's what I am so they want to hurt me.” 

She blurts this out like daily news, and she’s not panicked or scared, she just seems like she's stating the obvious : bad men, bad women up there want to hurt her, so here she stays away from them : safe. Simple. Truth. Fact.

Wrong assumptions of her broken mind and Ekko opens his mouth without knowing what to say, not even knowing how to tell her four years had passed and most people thought she was dead.

“You want to kill Jinx too.” she says, and then she starts laughing bitterly, and Ekko realizes she's looking at the void again and he wonders if she's hallucinating things.

Is she taking shimmer ? Is she sleep-walking or something ? Damn he heard about what sleep-deprivation could do to a human’s brain, and she clearly looked like she could use some sleep. Was she having paranoia from that ? Like Jinx ever needed that on top of her already pre-existing paranoia he cursed in his mind at the Gods he didn’t believe in.

“I don't want to kill you.” he says, hurt that she might think that of him, but the conversation took a turn he really wasn't expecting and she started losing it in a split second before he could even see the warnings.

Before he had the time to finish straightening up from where he was lighting the fire, she was aiming her gun at him and shaking her head without focusing on him, but her arm that had the aim, on the other hand, was straight as a spike.

Aiming at his head.

Ekko didn't say anything at first and just held his breath, remembering how she shot the shimer-addict right in the head without even looking in its direction the other day and he knows : now was not the time to fuck things up.

He slowly stood up raising his hands in the air, showing her he meant no harm, but she wasn’t even looking at him.

“He knew my name.” she says to herself, shaking her head in a nervous spasm, and Ekko thinks quickly as he tries to understand what's happening in her mind.

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

She remembers last time, and was pretty obviously pissed about it. But was she pissed because he called her “Jinx’’, before that beast arrived, when she hadn’t even told him her name herself ? Or did she mean “Powder” ? 

Shit. What should he do?

“I... Everybody knows your name, up there.” he says carefully, his hands up near his chest as to show he meant no harm, while his tone tries to sound sorry.

She looks at him and he sees rage in her eyes, but he's shocked by the tears that seem to be lingering inside them.

“You.. you lie ..!..? You think I'm stupid, everybody thinks Jinx is stupid.. Ooh~but Jinx is not stupid. You say you don't know people want to hurt me but look at that! You know my name and everybody knows my name.. right. Stupid. Stupid thinks I don't know he wants to kill me..”

Her voice is both so broken, distressed and sorrowful as it is accusing and strained, and he knows she’s one step away from giving in to the manic delirium of her scattered brain if he doesn’t fix this fast. He’s afraid she might actually shoot him if he doesn’t choose his words with caution, so he tries to keep his calm when he sees her look at him with those enraged eyes again, but as his heart starts beating twice faster than it already was, he feels a cold shiver run down his spine and sweat settles in when he sees how she’s looking at him and he’s already seen that expression before.

“ You think I don’t know you’re trying to trick me? You want me dead just like everybody up ther-”

“I know people are looking for you, but I didn't come for you, I promise.” he interrupts her when he sees her start talking nonsense again.

His heart is beating like crazy and damn , he should know better than to get offended right now and snap back at her, but having her believe that of him was hurtful, so he couldn’t help but defend himself. For fuck's sake, after everything she's done, after everything she's taken from him, he was still there in this shitty hell of a place trying to reach out to her. If only she could understand what it meant, it would spare him all this trouble.

“Like I said.. I came for the monster and my friend and... I honestly thought you were dead.” he says in his most honest, trustworthy tone, and he knows it gets her attention.

She frowns while looking him up and down, and he makes a slight move of his hand to emphasize his words.

“I have no interest in killing you, I'm not lying. I just know who you are because, hey... you made one hell of a mess before you went A.M.A. Everybody admires you for that.”

She frowns even more but he can see her hold on her gun lessen, and she seems a bit confused for a moment.

“They.. they do?” she asks, and she seems like a child again, like she doesn’t get why she's being praised after having done such a huge mistake.

He swallows down hard, trying to show her no fear nor worry.

“Yeah I mean.. some people think you're crazy for it, but a lot of them admire you for what you had the guts to do. I don't care, personally. You did what you had to do, but.. anyway that's how I know your name. I swear I'm not here to hurt you. I just didn't want to scare you and make you think I was after you, just like... Just like you're thinking right now.”

He tried his voice and body to stay as un-fearful and casual as possible, like he wasn't being targeted by the most dangerous terrorist and unstable person he knows in this whole goddamn universe, but as she looked him up and down again, studying him with her piercing eyes, he gave her an annoyed look and shrugged his shoulder like they were just two teenagers bickering about some found-treasure they argued on splitting.

“I mean ; up to you not to believe me, but I did bring you some pretty good snacks, haven't I ?” he smiles, cocky.

She doesn't react, and keeps aiming at him, but he acts like he doesn't care and sits back on the bench, pretending not to notice when she flinches and jolts as she aims back at him with more trembling gestures like she lost sight of her target for a sec but has become less assured of wanting to shoot it.

“At least I die knowing you enjoyed them.” he laughs softly and she frowns, moving her head backwards in a slight, unconscious move like she's taken aback by his words.

“Why would you die?” she asks, and she sounds like a child again, like she doesn't understand the concept of death, and Ekko, as confused as he is, tries not to let it show.

“Aren't you pointing your gun at me?”

“Wh… Y-yeah, but..”

She looks at the gun, then at him again, and her mouth opens but nothing comes out of it and when she snaps out of her thoughts she purses her lips and looks even more unsettled.

He makes a slight move of the hand to point at her gun, like he's trying to explain the situation to her unfocused mind since she’s clearly too caught up by her thoughts to grasp at reality.

“I mean... I know it works. I saw you shoot at those junkies the other day, and it was pretty cool by the way but... I'd rather not have you shoot at me, please ?” he asks gently, adding a slight laugh at the end to try and ease up the tension in the air, but his heart is beating like crazy cause he is, fucking, putting his life on the line here.

There was many ways he could have try and get out of this, but if any of them included him attacking her or trying to run away he knew it would either end up with him dead – because he was no match to a shimmered, deranged and angry animalistic Jinx, that he could tell – or severely injured and thus, good to be served as a snack to an hungry wolf-beast OR, he would have managed to escape but that would have killed all future chances of getting back at her at some point. And he couldn't let that happen. He had made good progress today and there was no way he would ruin it by making her feel like he couldn't be trusted.

He wondered how crazy he became himself to be trusting his life between her hands just out of bluff, but he did it anyway, and after watching the many trail of confused thoughts unravel into her eyes for a long minute, he finally saw her relax and drop her arm, looking confused about the whole situation like she didn't understand why she was pointing her gun at him in the first place.

“I don't like people.. up there.” she simply says, and Ekko has to hold his sigh of relief not to be too obvious.

He just shrugs his shoulders and honestly, genuinely rolls his eyes at the back of his head.

“Me neither.” he grunts in agreement.

She looks at him straight in the eyes, and on the other side of the fire, Ekko feels his heart pounder.

He avoids her eyes for once, being the one embarrassed, and he starts playing with his gasoline lighter as he wonders how long the fire's gonna last, and if she'll stay long enough for it to die.

“You can be safer up there now, you know… It's been so long... Everyone thinks you're dead.”

He looks at her and she's back on the chair, curled onto herself with her arms around her legs. She's buried her face into her knees and that's when he realizes she's lost so much weight even her face was sunken, leaving two deep hollow traits under her cheekbones. 

He was so used to see the round cheeks of Powder standing in that exact same position that he nearly can't take in the sight, and it makes him so uncomfortable to see the clear traces of her ribs and bones coming out at almost every part of her skin it could show that it drives him mad with worry.

“I know of a place where you could stay.. It would be safe, and there would be food..”

She stands and suddenly walks up to him, and his heart skips a beat for a second as he stands up quickly thinking she's going to attack him to shut him up. 

He opens his mouth to gasp or say something but she just leans in faster than a blink and snaps the lighter out of his hand.

“S-sorry.” he says, thinking he’s upset her with the annoying noise of him opening and closing the lid in a nervous attempt to ease his stress, but she just watches the lighter and lightens it, looking at the flame with a blank expression.

He swallows down his saliva and watches her without a word, because she's close. Closer than she's been all day, and even if they were that close the other day, it was too dark for him to see her clearly. But now, her face was lit by the fire and he recognized her, under all this dust and blood and messy hell of a lioness hair behind her skull. 

He feels something warm in him as he watches her features, something that agitates his stomach and guts and makes him feel like throwing up or having his neck go hot but instead his eyes sting and he buries his hands in his pockets, wondering why she seems so fascinated by his lighter.

“You can have it.” he says while she closes the lid then re-opens it and activates the flame again, and she looks at him with those empty, huge eyes of hers, not saying anything.

He scratches his neck up to the down-side of his chin then clears his throat to make that heat wave go away.

“You do know what fire is right?” he asks, cause literally, at this point, he's not sure of anything.

She just seems like an abandoned raised-by-wolves child out of the forest or something, it's like she completely forgot about life. And if she really didn't remember him, what else had she forgotten of her childhood ? Vi ? Vander ? How to light a fire ? How to wash ? How to eat ? Damn how did she even eat.

Out of my mind, NOW, he thinks. That was a thought for later. Or never.

“I take this.” she says, and he arcs a brow, not sure what she means.

“Yeah like I said… you can have it.”

She's looking at him with those empty huge orbs and he doesn't know if her tone right now was a threat or a statement, but he lets her have the lighter anyway. 

She goes back to squat on her chair and plays with it, fascinated and looking upset at the same time, and he really wonders if she remembers fire, what a lighter is, or if she simply never saw a goddamn lighter in her life and tries to understand how it works.

He stays silent as he sits back on the bench and tries to remember himself if he ever has a memory linked to Powder that would include a lighter, and he's seriously starting to sweat trying to remember when he's suddenly taken aback by the sound of Jinx standing up and walking away.

“Hey, where are you going?” he asks, heart beating fast again.

Damn, that girl! She's got the habit of leaving him behind, doesn't she?

She looks at him like she doesn't understand.

“Home.” she simply answers, and fuck. He's pissed.

But he doesn't show it.

“Don't you want to... You should come with me, I can find you someplace safe and...”

“I belong here.”

He lowers his head and bites his lip, hard. His fists are clenched inside his pockets but he breaths in and takes the backpack from the bench, handing it to her.

“At least take the bag. I brought some things for you. There's stuff for your shoulder and-”

She turns around and resumes walking towards where she came from in the first place and … she's ignoring him. For fuck's sake he could be talking to thin air that would have had the same impact.

He sighs and his arms fall down to his hips, as he watches her climb up the pile of junk and disappear without a second look.

He throws the backpack on the bench and curses to himself.

Well at least he was in one piece, that was still better than he'd expected.

* * *

Chapter Text

C H A P T E R  IV - Once Broken can never Mend

He lets her have another week before he comes back. He wasn't sure she'd ever want to see his face again after he's put her through so much pain with the memories he probably awoke in her.

He still doesn't understand what happened to her. How a simple question on her tattoo made her lose it, but he promised himself to be more careful next time, and swears he won't bring up anything from the past unless she does first.

He goes to the same fire-camp place as the previous time and lights up a fire bigger than the previous ones in hopes the light and warmth might draw her in. 

He can't help but curse at himself thinking he's using tricks on her like he'd tricked an animal, as he gets the pack of snacks out of the backpack and puts it next to his thigh on the bench, but it's no news to him that Powder always has had a childish soul, and even as she grew up she used to like playing games like a playful kid would, so he just knows those kind of tricks would work on her like it would work on them.

Because all it took for her to awaken from the hellish darkness of her mind and surroundings, even at the time, was a little spark of innocence and bicker of hope when laid the promise of a fun game to play. Just the fact of being invited into it was all that was needed for her to ignite and reveal in that playfull, joyful spirit that inhabited the depths of her soul ; and Ekko had always been the best at finding the exact moment and time to bring her mood into that spirit.

He watches the frightening shadows of the junk piles in hopes of seeing her silhouette around one of the dark corners, and waits.

He ignores the eyes of the shimmer junkies that lur in the dark, and absent-mindedly picks up trash from the junk around the place, throwing it into the fire to make it rise even more, but also to keep himself moving and occupied instead of freezing his ass on the same spot for hours.

She shows up after only ten minutes, and he stops at one end of the fire as she approaches slowly with the body posture of someone who's un-assured. This time around, she doesn't seem scared of him. If anything, and if he was any good at reading her body language right now, he'd even say she looked guilty.

“You came.” he says, not really sure what to say apart from that.

He was relieved, to tell the truth, and it probably showed in his voice. 

She darts her eyes towards the bench and just nods, before carefully sitting down on the ripped driver's chair and staring blankly at the fire as she curls onto it.

He goes to sit on the bench, and takes the bag of snacks to throw it at her. 

She takes it without a word and opens it, then slowly puts some in her mouth in an absent-minded, steady pace without even taking the time to chew on them, and she just stares at him for a few seconds with empty wide eyes as if remembering his features from last week. Then when she decides he's the ''no-threat guy'' from before, she turns her attention back to the fire and silently starts chewing.

He sighs as he watches her with worry.

“I'm sorry... about last time.” he says, wondering if she remembers.

She doesn't look at him nor flinch at his words. She just stares at the flames, mesmerized, while she keeps eating her snacks.

“It's ok...” she says, absent-mindly. “It wasn't your fault...” she adds on the same tone.

He can't help but chuckle, thinking otherwise.

“Well, it wasn't yours either.” he answers, smiling a little.

“It's always my fault.” she blurts back, but her tone doesn't change, and neither does her un-expressional face.

Ekko feels his heart sting, and damn. 

How much pain can he take?

“Don't say stuff like that...”

She closes her eyes and her face has a nervous spasm, like she's both rolling her eyes at the back of her head and chuckling nervously.

“It’s the truth... Always Jinx's fault. Can't do anything about it.”

She doesn't seem pissed or stressed, just has that childish tone stating facts again, and Ekko doesn't answer anything and just sighs as he wraps his hands against one another and tightens his grip to evacuate his frustration.

“Did you manage to treat your shoulder?” he asks, thinking about their last encounter, and he looks at her as she lifts her left shoulder while she smiles.

“I stitched it.” she answers childishly, proudly so, and his eyes narrow, while the corner of his mouth twitches.

Bitch, excuse me?

“That's good then.” he says instead, and sighs, looking at her with annoyed eyes, as she keeps on snacking while looking at the fire like a fucking child on a vacancy-camp eating its chamallows.

She's got a little happy expression on her face, and eyes him for a second in what seems to be like a shy glimpse, like she just knows he was expecting her to treat her shoulder and she did it so she knows she deserved the praise for it. Ekko sighs in disbelief but can't help but smile as he follows her eyes and stares at the fire.

She did finish stitching her shoulder, that was at least a good thing. It meant she remembered how to do it, for starters, and might at least not get an infection. Seeing how she wasn't pissed at him either, it seemed like she didn't get that she had been drugged by the medicine last time, and that it was because of him she started hallucinating. All for the better ; frees him a bit from that weight on his heart.

“You know, I've been thinking about you these days...” he starts, trying to talk as casually as possible.

She giggles, and he watches her as she closes her eyes and shakes her head a little, like she's amused by something.

“'wouldn't be cool..” he hears the end of her mumbling, and he frowns, sighing heavily.

“I've been fixing that safe place I told you about ?” he kept on, but she's not listening to him.

She giggles again at one of her thoughts, not hearing him at all, and then chokes on a sweet while she laughs.

His knuckles become white when his hands hold each other more tightly, but he sighs heavily and tries to calm himself down.

He doesn't say anything and just stays silent, waiting maybe for her , to realize he wasn't talking anymore and engage the conversation, but when she doesn't, he just looks at her in silence and watches her for a couple of long minutes.

She combed her hair. Well a little, at least. He could tell by the main huge knot on the back of her head having been dragged down to something like the middle, and the pit of her hair had some kind of arc-shaped forms that she made with the couple of strands that she could find on each sides and tied together in a mix of a bolt entangled with it and a buckle she made with her strands – creating yet, another knot. But at least, she tried.

Her shoulder was deadly white now, while the rest of her body was still as dusty and muddled in mud and dirt as it had been the last few weeks, but the part Ekko cleaned before he stitched her up was like a dove feather in this giant dark dull bin of a place she called home. 

He couldn't even imagine how many times she got an infection on one of her wounds down here. How many times she must have catched a cold and just ran on high fever not even caring if she'd make it through the night or not. It was a miracle she survived that long in such a place, and as strong and as unwavering as he knew Jinx’s body and might to be, there was so much as a human being could take, and diseases, infections and pneumonia on top of toxic air and intoxicated food – rats, most probably – was definitely not sparing anyone, even the greatest and mightiest of warriors.

She was alive and it was a fucking miracle. And he knew it was up to him to bring more than just her body up to the surface now, cause no one else would ever bother taking the risk of helping her genius, dangerous mind back to its deadly potential.

“You've been looking for bolts all this time, just for your hair?” he asks when the silence becomes too unbearable for him to deal with, while she just seems ok with it since it's probably been her daily for years now. “Is that all you've been doing with your days?”

The word ''bolt'' seems to have caught her attention the same way a dog would recognize his favorite treat’s sound, and she looks at him with eyes big and wide like an owl’s, looking delighted by the mere mention of her bolts.

Ekko can’t help comparing her to a shit ton of wild animals cause he’s never seen anyone in his entire life that was more alien than her. He’s never been keen on humans anyway, apart from a few. Her, being at the top. Even if her mind was such a complex assembly of cogs and gears that he couldn’t seem to crack.

“It was hard finding them!” she says, and he nods slightly, understanding how it works now.

Simple talk. Childish conversations. Ok, that's what made her talk. No complicated thoughts.

“I can guess why. This place is huge...”

“Hm... and they're sooo small.” she simply answers, and goes back to watching the fire with those huge pink eyes of hers that expressed nothing less than admiration for the flames she's starting at.

“That's why you were so happy that I found some for you.” he smiles, and she smiles too, glimpsing at him shyly.

And then she suddenly sits cross-legged on the conductor's chair and lets go of the snack bag, her hands going straight into her pocket to show him what seemed to be like a... he doesn't know, actually. A horn ? A pipe ?

“Yes--and LOOK! I've found this! Isn't it cool??”

He leans as if to take it since she was clearly showing it to him but she withdraws her hands immediately, frowning at him.

“You can't have it!” she offuscates herself, and he chuckles, genuinely amused.

“I just wanted to look at it?”

“You can't!” she says and puts it in her back, and when it slips out of her hand and she doesn't see it anymore she squats on the chair and turns along with it until it stops moving, then she grabs it again and stands up on the chair before squating back on it and she holds the object tight between her knees so that it stops moving around.

And just like that she's watching the fire again like it's talking to her while her hands absent-mindly make the horn turn between her fingers, and she seems to have forgotten all about what just happened and the fact she just got pissed over thin air.

Ekko looks at her and can't help but shake his head in disbelief, wondering if that's what a human being becomes, when driven to the edge and abandoned on his own in an unsurvivable and dangerous place. Do we just go back to being animals, living on instincts? he wonders.

“What are you going to do with it?” he asks blankly, just doing conversation, as he hides a sigh in his breath.

“I dunno.... I'll find something cool to make with it. I'm sure little man will have an idea.”

He stares at her but she's staring at the fire, and he feels his heart beat faster.

He glances down at the horn she has in her hands and thinks on it. Is that what she was expecting of him ? She wanted him to find something useful for her to do with that horn ?

“Show it to me..” he says again gently as he leans his hand towards her but she frowns again and holds it backwards, looking even more obfuscated than before.

“I said NO!?” she yells at him, looking mad, and he starts getting pissed too.

Didn't you just say you were trusting me with finding out what to do with it?? He wants to shout at her, but he grinds his teeth and just sighs heavily as he throws a hand into his hair.

“Fine! Whatever..” he says, and they stay silent again, both sulking.

He glances to the side to check up the roads and looks at the fog moving through the wind, and tries not to think of the beast.

''I think you're right.”

He looks at her when she speaks and she's holding the horn in front of her eyes, like a monkey watching a banana, and damn she's ridiculous. She's pouting and examining it and he frowns when he realizes that she was talking to herself again. Or maybe it wasn't to herself.

“Who are you talking to?” he can't help but ask, being tired of seeing her do this and never knowing if she's thinking aloud or talking to him.

“Just some kid... He's always so noisy..” she grumbles absent-mindly, then she's back on her feet and looks at the horn as if it's a glowing diamond. ''It will be perfect!” she exclaimes herself in delight.

And just like that, she's jumping on her feet and toddling down the road.

“Hey, wait!”

She giggles and starts running and for fuck sake, he starts chasing after her into the darkness and the veil and her childish laugh just feels like a horror shit-show.

He catches up to her in time before she takes a turn between two piles of junks and he follows her through a narrow space for a few seconds, trying to keep up with her pace so that he won't lose sight of her. When they found themselves in a more open space, he lights up a flare to brighten their path and sighs deeply.

“What are you looking for now?” he can't help but ask, but she giggles and starts parading along the street, her pace quickening as she toddles away from him.

He throws his eyes at the back of his head and his shoulders go down with the heavy sigh that draws out of his mouth.

“Please, don't make me chase you in here.” he pleads, but would she ever care ? Of course not. She never did.

She stops a little bit further, near a dead corpse on the ground and she cringes, giving him a look like a kid who just ran into adults making out on a dead-corner of a street and who'd watch her friend to make him agree to the same disgusted expression as her. Unless this time it's not a ten year old Powder looking at him with her blue eyes and he's not faking disgust just to hide the fact he wants to one day make out with her like that couple they just ran into, but it's a dead-white ghost-looking form that looks at him with un-human pink eyes seemingly amused behind the fake disgusted and he doesn't fake his own when he sees the open guts and stomachs of the corpse spread down on the floor actively being eaten by bugs.

He puts his hand on his mouth and nose to protect himself from the smell and looks at her as she giggles and resumes toddling through the road, her arms balancing itself in the air like she's dancing.

“Wolfie was hungry~” she chants through the ''street'', her voice echoing through the junk, and Ekko can't really tell if it's her laugh that follows next and echoes through the junk hills or the cold that makes a violent shiver run down his spine.

“Jinx, where are you going ? What if the beast is around?” he asks, taking his hand off of his nose and trying hard to erase the memory of what he just saw.

“Nah, he's not around today. I left him food faaar~ on the other side so that he doesn't bother us!”

He looks at her and feels his heart get warmer for a second, wondering if she did that for him to be safe, but then he realizes she came down the junk something like ten minutes after he arrived, so it's not like she left him food that far away. 

She even might have made it worse, if she really did leave food for him in an area around that could be reachable in ten minutes. The beast would probably take less than ten seconds to reach them from there.

“How.. how far away exactly?” he asks, unsure of her abilities to really make them ''safe''.

It wasn't like she was thinking clearly, or had the mind of a sharp genius adult like she used to be anymore.

“On the other side of the land, it's really far.” she tells him with that tone Powder had when she was explaining something that was obvious to her and she made you feel like an idiot for not knowing it, and he can't hold in a smirk, liking that tone again in her mouth, but then the urgency of the situation comes back to him and he wipes the nostalgia off of his lips.

“But you came down fast today..”

He can't finish his sentence as she's already ignoring it, toddling faster, and away from him.

And his heart stops for a second before it races and aches at every beat.

He follows saying nothing. 

He studies her with sharp eyes as he starts to understand, and his heart beats faster under stress, frustration and a little bit of hatred.

He really hopes she's not faking this whole thing. He really hopes she's not playing some sick game on him cause he'll definitely make her pay for it if she was.

She stops and fumbles through the junk as her eyes seemingly caught something she was interested in, and he stays silent - just watches her with un-trustfull eyes and a deep, heavy sigh full of restraint.

Powder, Jinx, that traumatic mind of a child ; she was avoiding any words, sentence or question that she didn't like. She was clearly picking the ones she wanted to answer. He didn't really know how to explain it, but it made sense in his mind, and he knew he was on the right track, but feared what it could imply.

What he needed to know was if she was doing that on purpose. Was this Jinx, playing a sick game on him in means to protect herself from her past, or was this really her broken mind being so traumatized it was having quick coping mechanisms in means to protect itself ? She was clearly avoiding some of his questions and saying half-truths when needed. There was definitely something odd in her behavior.

Why would she feed the beast so that it won't bother them , when clearly that was a lie because she came down less than ten minutes after he sat down by the fire, but she still insisted on making him believe she fed it faaar away from them ?

He had this bad feeling that she was trying to trick him, and her repeating that the beast was nice and kind and she fucking named it Wolfie clearly meant she had affection for the monster and he feared she might have forgotten him enough to prefer a total beast that kept her company with its growls over the last four years over him that she barely remembered sharing a past with.

That won't be the first time Jinx disappoints him by deciding on choosing a monster's side over his.

“Why are you lying?” he suddenly asks, because man, he can't deal with the stress and frustration anymore.

She's put him through enough pain in his life already, and he wasn't sure he was strong enough to endure a replay.

She stops what she's doing and her eyes widens when he speaks, and she stays still for a few seconds before she reacts. She stands up and looks at him like a pigeon, with her head tilting back as if smacked by words, then leaning on the side like she's studying him.

“Lying?” she asks as if she doesn't understand the word, and he frowns, clenching his free fist that doesn't hold the flair in his pocket.

“About the beast ; why are you lying?”

She gets that face again, like she's being outraged by his words, and seriously, Ekko starts losing his shit cause her body language and expressions and words don't match and he has a really, really hard time seeing through her since he's found her in this place.

“I'm not lying.” she blurts out, and he knows that tone, he knows that voice.

He knows she's telling the truth, but it. Just. Doesn't. Make. Sense .

“You said you didn't want it to bother us, but clearly you didn't have the time to leave food faaar away from here then come back to meet me so what, did you know I was coming down here today or something?”

He gets impatient, cause at this point, he even wonders if she hasn't come back up to spy on him, and if she was in a sufficient mental state to be able to go back up then shit, what was he even doing here trying to help her ?

She doesn't seem to get where he's going, cause she fucking '' pffs..!'' at him like she's mocking him for being so ridiculously paranoid, and he feels his neck and ears go suddenly hot under the freezing toxic air that's blowing through the fog.

It was the toxic air, ok ? He decided it was.

“I never said that.” she half-laughs at him, and oh god he swears he's gonna lose it.

“Are you fuckin kidding me right now ?” he sighs between clunched teeth.

He's so mad he feels the anger building up in his veins. Her face shows nothing but honesty, and he's utterly lost.

“I'm not. I fed him this morning so that he won't bother us, it will take hours for him to find all the presents I left him~!” 

She smiles widely while looking at him like she's proud of herself - or happy at the thought that monster will have a full belly to sleep on tonight. 

Fuck he doesn’t know nor care. The fuck was she saying ? It didn’t make sense.

''How did you know I was coming down today?” he asks, and she ''puffs'' at him again, giggling even more frankly.

“How would I know ?” she mocks him, and so does her side glare.

She resumes walking through the street, humming happily, and Ekko frowns, even more lost.

“Aren't you alone in here?” he asks, completely confused.

“I'm never alone~!” she chants, dancing while parading again, and he frowns some more when he recalls what she told him the first time he came down here.

“Do you have friends in here?” he asks, this time more calmly.

He understood now that he got it all wrong and that she wasn't talking about him at all. He wasn't the one she intended to protect by keeping the beast away from them , but the thought of another soul living in that place made him even more scared for her safety, cause there was no way any decent soul would decide on living down here out of their own free will – well apart from Jinx that is.

“They're not really, like... friends’.” she says as she stops to think about the question, and the way she puts her finger under her chin and looks in the air like she's thinking, reminds him of all the times Jinx has done this while she lied and imagined stuff and he frowns again, wondering how far would that crazy girl go to make him believe her bullshit.

“Well sure, of course, it's one of your imaginary friends from last time again right?” he says, and she seems delighted when he says this, and looks at him with one of the most happy faces he's ever seen her have.

When he sees her smile from ear to ear, he’s so astonished he can barely breath.

“YES! You know about them?? Well like I said it's not my friends , more like a nuisance, really... Apart from Fishbones. Fishbones was cool! I kinda miss..”

She stops in a halt, and her stare gets blank and focused and she doesn't blink for a moment, and he watches her with worried eyes as he wonders why she's shutting down suddenly.

“What is it?” he asks, a bit annoyed by the whole situation. “Is your origami bird-friend telling you something again?” he can't help but ask.

He's bitter, ok, he has to admit. Maybe he's a bit hurt to realise that he got fooled thinking she'd drew the beast away in order to make him feel safe, just to discover that she meant her, and her '' friends'' , - fucking paper birds in her hair - but he's really tormented by the idea she might be faking the whole thing and playing one of her sick ''crazy-Jinx'' games on him.

He's seen Jinx lose her shit many times in the past, and as real as he knows her pain and struggles to be when personal stuff made her feel so unsafe she'd let herself be driven by her fears, he also seen her pretend and act tough and crazy just for the sake of putting on a show to make him believe she was the absolute opposite of what he'd known her to be. 

He's always known it was all an act, and when he started hearing her talk to her guns and name them and make him know their names like she was fighting him with a bunch of friends like him who had his gang backing him up, he'd figured she was just lonely and wanted to make him believe she too, had people around her, but now, after all this time ; after all the efforts she's put into the show, he didn't quite know if she didn't become the show herself.

Ekko had grown to hate Jinx over the years and he only realized it now, to tell the truth. He had grown up by her side and had experienced with her the first delights and excitements of what it felt like to be really understood by someone, as they trained together in means to become strong like the role-models they admired so much, but while Ekko had been somewhat frightened by the atrocity of the world they had to thrive in, and had concluded he should preserve his candernes and soft-heart by hiding them under a mask of false illusions – crafting a perfect unbaffled, warrior face, cocky attitude, just the way the Undercity wanted it, just the way people would understand not to fuck with  – Powder didn't just make a mask for the world to not fuck with her, she had become her mask.

She had become absolutely everything she thought was expected of her. It wasn't just her face that had changed, it was her whole being. Crafted, materialized, re-created and molded into the image of the perfect weapon ; she had forgotten herself completely to the point she forgot it was a facade, and she became the ultimate weapon herself :  a dangerous monster like the very same monsters they were trying to preserve themselves from. She'd let herself be tricked by Silco's words and the fears of her own mind that she was firstly trying to run away from by becoming stronger and as she let her soul be engulfed into it, Ekko didn't really know how much was left of her anymore.

He hated what she's become. She gave her whole into succeeding in sending back the image that she thought was asked of her to send back to the world, and she had invested herself so much into it that she had come to do so even when she was alone. And did so even with him, who’d seen it all as it was he who helped her create the seams. 

She had become her crazy mask. But how to remove a mask once it has ceased to be one, and has become an integral part of oneself ?

“I'm... I'm not their friend.” she finally says, and the sudden despair in her tone makes him lose the hatred in an instant, quickly surpassed by a wave of pity.

“You... You can still be their friend if you want, it's not...”

It's not like they're alive anyway he wants to say, thinking of the damn origami birds and bad imitations of animals in her hair, but he remembers she kept saying they're ''all dead'' and he remembers she's lost almost all her family, so… He keeps it to himself.

“I cant!” she snaps angrily, looking at him with big, shocked discontent eyes like he's talking nonsense, and he frowns.

Well sure I guess you can't, silly, they're fucking made out of paper! he thinks, and looks at her with an annoyed look as she breathes heavily, but he just sighs and holds it inside his aching heart.

“Fine, whatever.” he snaps back, taking his hand out of his pocket just to express his frustration with it, and she throws him an angry side glare before resuming her walk, this time in a more angry pace.

She's not toddling anymore. Nore chanting.

And he sighs.

We used to be friends... he wants to say, but he doesn't, and just follows her in silence.

He spots the shadows of a few hooded forms ahead, so he waves his flare and gets closer to her, hoping she won't shoot at them and that she'd just let him make them go away with the light. She doesn't seem to care nor notice them when they pass by their miserable crawling figures, and he checks that they don't follow as they keep walking.

But be it the light or Jinx herself, they seem way too afraid to come closer.

“Where are we going?” he asks after a few minutes, having waited until she's calmed down, and she seems less upset when she shrugs her shoulders.

“I don't know.” she answers blankly, and once again, he pities her.

Cause clearly, she had something in mind when she jumped, all joyfull down this path in means to go looking for something in particular, but now she's had a bad trail of thoughts that nearly got her into a break-down because of damn origami birds – well, because of his questions and bad attitude mostly, and he feels guilty about it – and she’s even forgotten where she intended to go.

He stops and looks at her with a sorry look, and when she sees the light isn't following her steps anymore she stops and looks at him with that same blank, empty expression as the days before.

“I'm sorry I made you mad.” he apologizes, and she frowns, looking at his chest.

“You didn't make me mad.” she answers blankly, and he sighs again.

She didn’t even remember…

“Ok, that's.. great then.”

She just stays there and scans him, and when her eyes drift to the flare and she seems lost in her thoughts again, he gets closer and tries to catch her eyes.

“Jinx, I... I came today to ask you to come with me?”

She frowns and looks him up in the eyes like she’s confused by the words.

“Come ? Where?”

He drifts his eyes up like looking at the sky, just so that he wouldn't have to say the words aloud and frighten her.

She doesn't freak out this time at the mention of the upper-city, but her eyes drift to the side, losing their focus. She looks sad for a few seconds, then that void comes back in her pupils and she just stares at nothingness.

“I belong he..”

“You don't.” he cuts her sharply, cause he's had enough of this.

She looks at him straight back in the eyes and he tries to hold her gaze even though he feels his heart pounder through the stress and he’s afraid she’ll sense it.

“I know a place where you could stay. It’s safe, no one would come looking for you there. You'll have hot water, and I'll bring you food.. and...”

He stops when she moves, but he can't really tell if she's mad, going to have a break-down, or if she's stressed because she's debating whether or not she should consider his offer. He feels his heart hurt as it fills itself with long-lost hopes.

“I- I can't go up there.” she says while looking towards a pile of junk, not in his direction, but her tone indicates him she's not completely turning him down, so he continues.

“There will be.. lots of bolts, there. It's an old shop where I still work from time to time, but there's an apartment on top and you... You can stay there? Do whatever you want with it! Scribble and draw on the walls, or ticker with the bolts...”

His tone is convincing and it seems to work ; his heart beats faster when she looks at him again with a breathing pace much quicker than before, and he can tell, when she breathes like this, that it's a slight indication that she's a bit more ''alive'' than the ghost-empty-shell she seems to be in when she's trapped inside her traumatic mind.

“I can promise you no one will find you there.” he adds, his face and tone convincing, and he even smiles a little in hopes she gets tricked by his candidness.

Her eyes drift to the side again, and she seems to be considering the idea.

“I-I don't...” she says, looking away, and then her eyes go to her shoulder, but it seems as if she's not looking at it, more like leaning her ear towards that damn origami bird in her hair, and Ekko really wonders if she hears it talk to her.

She suddenly frowns and shakes her head, grinding her teeth and moaning in pain and anger a second later.

“Shut up! He's not one of them!” she groans, and then she looks at him again, and he can feel her studying him even more intensely.

“I'm not one of them.” he answers, because this time, he thinks he understands what she means.

Her eyes widens and she looks at him like he invaded her privacy and oops, yeah, well. He guessed that right the other time it seems.

She didn't know he could hear her when she talked to herself.

He gulps down his saliva and tries to make up for his mistake :

“I know you're scared of enforcers, and people up there... But they stopped looking for you a few years ago, you know..? I told you, everyone thinks you're dead now, so if you... if you come up there with me, and stay in that safe place and lay low... There's no way no one will ever find out.”

She looks him up and down and breathes heavily, her chest moving in a steady, erratic rhythm. She seems a bit agitated as her eyes drift to the sides sometimes and he can see her fingers twitch and move like she's handling puppet strings with her own thoughts but she seems to be considering his offer for real, and he feels his heart filling itself with long-lost hopes.

Because be it now or another day, he just knows she'll accept someday. There was a chance for him to finally be able to help her.

“I... I will hurt you.”

Ekko blinks, and straightens his back a bit, shocked.

“What?” he asks.

“I...”

She looks on the side again, and she looks depressed. There's no fright or panic in her eyes anymore, but he can tell all the pain and worry on her face and this time around, she clearly said it, so it's not like his mind or heart was fooling him into imagining she might care. She just blankly, literally said and seemed worried that she'd hurt him.

For the first time since he’s found her back here, he sees how much she’s aged. Her face and features are so sunken and devastated that he sees all the sorrow that inhabits her in the slim tensed traits of her face as her eyes shimmer under the amount of repressed pain that starts coming back from the surface.

“I hurt people…That's what I do. Someday, I will hurt you too... If I go back there I... It's what I... It's why I...”

What everyone? he wants to ask, and he wants to tell her ''Fuck Piltover''. If she wants to hurt those assholes again, then let her go for it, he won't be the one to stop her, but then he reminds himself of the innocents and the children and the human beings and he swallows his own dark side into the guilty part of his core.

“You won't hurt me. Nor anyone. You just need to lay low and... get better. You can clean yourself, eat some food... At least you'll be safe from the real monster that is living down here, and that monster ain't you.”

She slowly shakes her head as it tilts to the side, following her running eyes, and Ekko thinks she looks devastated, and what he thought to be the glimmer of her shimmer-eyes are in fact tears that had started accumulating at the corner of her eyes.

“You're wrong..” she answers with the desperate tone of a child that has made a terrible mistake, and he tries hard not to make her jolt when he gets closer, wanting to hug her, but he just holds her hand and squeezes it hard.

“I never believed that you were a monster. And even if you were… everybody deserves a second chance.”

She chuckles bitterly and lowers her head, and when she closes her eyes for a second the tears finally roll down her face and leave marks on her dusted cheeks.

“Not m-e..”

“Yes you do..”

“I did bad things.. To people.. up there. I'll do it again. It's what I do. They're right not to trust me. I'm jinxing everything, everytime I'm there I..”

He didn't know who the fuck she was talking about and he didn't care, he wasn't going to let her say those bullshit and even less believing in them when he was so close to make her leave this place.

“And I'm telling you that they're wrong. Since when do you care about what people think of you anyway?” he asks, and she looks at him with confused, purple teary eyes as he smiles at her with all the warmth and affection he can possibly give her.

He realizes his words could be odd for someone who was pretending he didn't know her, so he clears his throat and rolls his eyes at the back of his head, before casually shrugging his shoulders.

“I mean, that's what people say anyway. Those who talk good about you.”

“Those people don't exist..”

“You'll be surprised. A lot of people don't think of you as a monster, up there.” he chuckles gently.

She shakes her head as if to say she doesn't agree but when she looks on the side again she doesn't seem upset, just sad and tired, and Ekko realizes she hasn't taken her hand off of his. 

He swallows down his saliva as he looks at it, striking the scar he sees on the back of her hand with his thumb.

“So, what do you say?”

She doesn't look at him but her eyes drift a little bit more on the side, downwards like she's looking at something again, and she opens her mouth but doesn't say anything.

He doesn't want her to change her mind so he talks again :

“A better brush to comb your hair? And hot water ?”

She looks at him, and he emphasizes the proposition with his eyes and a stupid grin.

“Food every day?” he says again and makes a move with his arms, like he's inviting her for a hug but it's more a way to make the offer bigger, and he sees a shimmer in her eyes that has nothing to do with its color or her tears.

Her lips shakes a bit as she tries to speak, but then they’re curled up in a pout and her face slowly start braking apart.

“Will there be snacks too?” she asks in the most broken, devastated children's tone he’s ever heard, and he loses the smile right away, feeling his chest get heavier.

“Yes ; Yes of course..” he whispers, not even able to make his voice more clear as his throat feels choked in a stronghold, and she sniffs and sobs violently as she nods three times in agreement, and then she suddenly breaks into ugly tears.

He drops the flare and forcely takes her in his arms but she doesn't hold back, just cries like a wonded animal into his shoulder for what seems like an eternity, and through the deafening silence of the huge junkyard, her cries resonate like screams in a desolated hell.

But the yard already heard them over and over again, those screams, over the last four years…

And will hear them again someday.

* * *

Chapter Text

Chapter V - Like Mices Crawling back to their den

Rain is slightly pouring when they finally make it to the top. 

The climb lasted forever. Jinx didn't trust him in going back up with his hoverboard so he had to follow her through the junk up onto the Undercity itself, and as she seemingly didn't know her way around as good as she did down there, they both had to hold onto dear life a couple times as the wreckage and junk broke under their weight and menaced them onto falling down to a certain death.

They made it in one piece though, but Ekko knew he was only half-way through his periple the moment he saw Jinx throw herself onto the nearest pipe against a wall so that she could curl underneath and hide herself from the light of the broken neon down the street ahead.

“Jinx, it's going to be ok..” he whispers as he walks to where she's hiding, but she shakes her head abruptly, her hands on her ears like she's shielding herself from whatever noise she thinks she hears.

“No no no no it was a bad idea. Bad idea..bad idea.” she mumbles into her knees, and she whimpers like a scared child as she curls in a fetal position against the pipe and thinks she's shielding herself behind it when it's literally three times smaller than her.

Ekko takes out his hoverboard from his back and takes off his jacket to wrap it around her.

“No one comes down here since they heard the Beast's growls. We'll be safe to walk for a good hour, and it's raining, it's a good thing right? No one will notice us.”

“No no no no..” she repeats, her eyes closed, but he ignores her, too busy wrapping his jacket around the wounded and dirty parts of her skin that wasn't covered by her lame attempt at clothing.

He knows she probably felt much colder down there than what she must be feeling right now, but he can't help it. He's always cared for people and her even more, and there was no way he'd let her fall ill now on top of everything she's already been through, especially now that he was so close to bringing her to safety.

“Hey, don't worry about people recognizing you ok? You put my hoodie on, hide your hair ; you're so dirty right now no one would ever recognize your face. Even your eyes won't shock anyone, there's still shimmer around every corner in here.” he reassures her, and she looks up, looking at him for a moment, before frowning in confusion.

“Shimmer…?”

Shit, shimmer. Silco. Not a good subject.

“Come.” he says as he stands up and offers his hand, leaving the decision for her to take instead of forcing her way up and away from that pipe she seemed to have seeked safety in. 

There was no way he'd have her freak out now, so he waits for her to decide on following him.

His tone manages to drive her thoughts away from shimmer and she stands up without taking his hand, but wraps her arms around her belly instead as she glances at the corner of the wall, looking un-assured.

“You should put the jacket on..” he tells her as she seemingly didn't even notice it was there, seeking safety and warmth inside her own uncovered belly, but when his words finally get to her she looks at her shoulder and realizes he's put his jacket on her.

She looks at him like looking for approval as she passes her arms through the sleeves and he feels a bit embarrassed when he sees her childish expression and the way she's floating inside his own jacket.

For the love of God, please may the Firelights be anywhere but on their path.

He gulps down his saliva and approaches her to put the large hood over her head, and then pushes her mess of a dried tufts of hair into the collar and the jacket to hide them a maximum and he has to hold one side of the collar with full strength with his fist as he does so cause her body is moving backwards every time he pushes her hair inside it and he wonders exactly how much she weighs now or if she's just too scared to have strength in her legs.

“Can you walk?” he can't help but ask, wondering if she's really that frightened for her body to look that weak, but she looks at him with no expression other than one of someone being utterly lost and terrified he wonders how much she remembers of the Undercity exactly.

He guesses four years was a long time for someone to live in isolation, and he fears the moment they'll run into busier streets or people even, but for now she seemed to remember enough to know she had to lay low cause she adjusts the hood on her head and retrieves her head between her lifted shoulders like it’s damn camouflage.

“I can... I mean I can carry you on my back if you can't walk.” he offers as he steps back, and she frowns, looking at his chest, and says nothing as she just holds her arms tightly around her belly even if she's got his jacket trapped between them now and she’s digging her nails into the fabric instead of her own skin.

He takes her hands off of her hips, and slides down the zipper, showing her how to actually close , the thing, if that makes sense ? For fuck's sake. He’s fathering before age he swears.

“We're going? To the safe place where there the bolts and snacks are?” he says gently, trying to make her remember what's awaiting her at the end of the road.

Like a reward or some shit. And she nods looking suddenly hit by a spark of adrenaline.

He nods too, and makes a first step towards the street, not going too fast so that he makes sure she'll follow.

She looks down the edge of the hill where they came from, and her fingers are back on her shoulder again scratching it in an animalistic way.

Ekko fears she might change her mind and just throw herself into the void. He tries to show none of his panicking heart when he tries to catch her attention again :

“Was there anything important for you down there? You told me you didn't have to get anything.” he reminds her.

He asked her before they started climbing, because no way he was going backwards so he had preferred to ask before in case she remembered something mid-way and freaked out on him.

She doesn't answer and keeps looking down for a few seconds, looking sad and guilty, but then she looks at him then the street, and takes a few steps forward.

“I.. I can go now.. to the bolt-place?” she says, and Ekko thinks it's not really the best choice of words, and she seems to be back to her child-self again, but he takes it anyway and slowly wraps his hand around hers to reassure her.

“Let's go then...” he says gently, and they start walking down the street with careful steps.

When he feels her hand slowly sliding into his, her fingers brushing his finger tips, he combs the back of her hand with his thumb, and she seems to like the comforting gesture cause her fingers brush against his again and she tightens her grip so strongly he feels his knuckles hurt.

He feels his heart flutter, then beat faster, and there's a sudden knot in his throat from the emotion.

He's never been like this with Jinx. It's not like she would have let him be that close or that kind to her anyway. 

But he's also never been like this with Powder. IF he tells the truth, Powder was the one to drive him down the blocks and be in charge of their friendship. She's always been his anchor. His to admire. Even though he was older than her, the moment he met her he felt like he needed to protect her, as the traumatized child as she was, but as soon as she started being comfortable around him and her new environment, she started showing her true self and took over the balance in their friendship as he found himself being the one to follow ; surprised and mesmerized by her thoughts and ideas and way of thinking and amazing inventions every time she'd open her mouth to speak out her thoughts. 

He found himself running down the Lanes to the Last Drop almost everyday just to spend time with her by the time they were only knowing each other for a few weeks, and he would follow her into any place she'd have set her mind on going and would found himself caught into the deepest shits and troubles all because of her, but she'd created the best memories for him to cherish as they carelessly lived in their own world of gadgets and mischiefs to create and thrive into. 

He didn't quite know when it started. When he started falling for her or when she started falling for him. Cause he always knew there was more to their relationship than just friendship, but just like Powder had this ability to see right through his soul, she was the only one he could see right through back, and he'd just known, after some time, that he and her would be linked onto the very depths of their souls until death would do them part. 

It wasn't like he was intending to tell her, nor did she need to tell him either. It was more like a mutual understanding that they had, and they just knew it was there, between the two of them as years went by, and whenever they’d get too close to the other to stare into their eyes, that spark would still be there, ready to ignite. 

And as he feels her hand in his right now, after what seems like many, many years after his gaze first fell on hers behind that enormous leg of Vander behind which she had been hiding, he just knows he's responsible for her just like they felt responsible for each other when they were kids. 

It wasn't because she was trapped inside the traumatic mind of a child that he was feeling like he should take care of her, it's just... He would have done so any other day, had she ever needed it. Cause he always wished he had been able to sooner.

But in the back of his mind, in his aching heart and onto his very soul, he just knows he was a weak child too, that was looking up to her, and without needing any words of explanation, she just knew, and took charge. 

And she was the one holding his hand and reassuring his weak-ass-self whenever his father would get taken down to custody just because enforcers would have decided to rail down the factory where his parents worked and his father would have been one of the many innocent worker taken to be beaten down and interrogated over false accusations.

He would be crying like a baby, worrying about his father while his mother would be turning down the whole city like a fury in search of her husband, and Powder ; fatherless, motherless, orphan Powder, would be the one to comfort his ass and tell him they'd make them pay and tell him about her bombs and tell him they'd go training the next day so that they become strong and fight them themselves and he would drink her words like a dying-of-thirst man who'd been into the desert for too long and would have been offered an oasis and she 'd be the one to hold his hand as they'd hear enforcers running down the streets and he'd fear they're looking for him too like they did for his father.

She's never been weak to his eyes. Even if they were just kids, even if he knows that she must have felt weak too, she's never been to him. 

She was his anchor and strong hand to hold onto, and he'd been the one too weak to hold back. 

So eventually, she let go.

She was the strongest person he's ever met, and she was his greatest weakness. 

He hopes now, somehow, that he'll be able to turn the hands of their clocks, so that they can re-adjust to each other and strike in sync again.

He won't let himself get distanced anymore, even if she was the one to have decided to go back-wards.

He'll be the one to bring her back up to the surface, and provide a strong hand to hold onto if it gets too hard.

Hoping that this time, he has enough strength to keep holding on even if she tries to let go.

* * *

He has to stop when Jinx suddenly lets go of his hand, and drags herself down behind a huge trash bin in what seems like a split of a second. 

The moment Ekko saw a woman walking down the street, he knew things were going to start getting complicated.

They're still in a narrow unoccupied street, but they're approaching the entrance of the Lanes, and even if rain was pouring and it was pretty late, he knows they'll eventually have to walk past other people or still-opened bars at some point.

“Jinx, it's alright...” he whispers as he squats down in front of her, and she looks at him straight in the eyes as she denies with her head, looking truly terrified.

She doesn't say anything coherent, but the fact she doesn't freak out or starts answering to her own thoughts, or the way she looks him in the eyes like she sees him, reassures him in the thought that he still has a chance to get to her and get her to safety instead of having her run back to the slums.

“We'll be able to climb soon. We'll go through the roofs and no one will see us, but we just need to walk a bit further ok? I promise once we get to the roofs there won't be a soul around.” he comforts her, but she sits her ass on the ground like she's afraid his comforting hands on her shoulders might suddenly grab her and force her up.

“No no no no, I don't wanna go. I can’t go there. Please.” she starts whining, and she grabs onto his shoulders too for dear life like she's really afraid he'll force her into it.

Ekko puts his hands on hers and shakes his head.

“Calm down, I won't force you into anything, we've got all the time we need, ok? Just breathe..”

“No no no… Too.. It’s too scary.” she whimpers and lowers her head to catch her breath, and Ekko lets her, caresses her wet shoulders over his jacket in an attempt to comfort her like he'd do with a child.

“It's going to be ok..” he tells her, and she breathes hard as she keeps her eyes focused on the street ahead and looks utterly terrified at the idea of going there.

His eyebrows twitch as he watches her, pained, and he glances at the empty street ahead wondering if they could climb to the roofs sooner than he planned.

“I'll try and see if there's another way, wait for me he-”

“NO! Don't leave.. Please.” she suddenly shouts and grabs him again, and he stops in a halt, looking down on her with a baffled expression.

“O-ok, we... we just need to keep walking a bit.. further then, ok? Will you be alright?”

She looks at the street with teary panicked eyes, but she nods, and Ekko gulps down his saliva when he understands she seems more afraid of him leaving her behind than she seems afraid of running into people.

That was a good thing, if he has to admit. Cause that meant she was so afraid to be left on her own that she'd rather trust her safety into him, and that at least meant she won't try to run away or go back to the junkyard. As heartbreaking as it was, he would lie if he said he didn't feel something, at the mere thought of her seeking him for safety.

He helps her up and she's stuck to his side when they start walking again, her hands wrapped around her belly through the jacket. Her body is leaning onto his so much she’s not walking straight and looks like she's absolutely drunk, and as much as it’s good for them and won’t draw attention in here, it is anything but comfortable for him.

Ekko wraps his arm around her shoulder so that she doesn't have to stick to him that much and entangle her feet while she walks, and as he catches the look of a shimmer-addict living off the street, he thinks it's better for them to walk this way so that they won't draw too much attention.

Cause clearly, Jinx was acting like someone who was trying to hide and that was nooot suspicious at all. Luckily, they were still in a part of the city that had plenty of things to hide. So he didn't really mind it, and just made sure she was ok.

“There's just some homeless people around the corner... nothing to fear... ok?” he whispers discreetly, and she just nods, looking at their feet while walking as she seemingly trusted him with the way, not even looking where they were going.

Quickening the pace a little when the rain started slowing down, he drags her into a street on the left and takes his arm off of her shoulders when he realizes it's empty.

“OK, over here.” he tells her as he climbs a trash bin, and he offers his hand to help her up.

She doesn't even look at the street behind them and follows him blindly up the ladder he'd drown out of the emergency exit of the building. Their steps resonate through the street as they climb all the way to the top, and Ekko feels his heart pounder at the thought they’re really doing this.

Taking their first steps back to what they used to call home.

She follows him with an audible breath, and he really hopes she gets better and feels safe once they arrive at the shop, because she’s run for her life enough already and life’s been anything but unfair to them.

He finishes climbing up the ladder and when he jumps on the metal square at the top, he grabs the wet rail and takes her hand again when he sees she seems to have difficulty climbing with his jacket around her. He drags her along the metallic stairs that make a buzzing noise as they climb up until they reach the last floor, and when they finally stop, she lets go of his hand to scratch her shoulder.

“Over here.” he tells her when he sees her panicked expression as she faces the closed door, and when she realizes he's grabbed a pipe leading to the roof, she looks at him with un-assured eyes.

He stops for a second, wondering if he shouldn’t have thought this through twice before dragging her along.

“You can climb right? I assumed that much from the other day but... are the roofs ok for you?” he asks, wondering if her body would take the run-up and the jumps and would have enough strength to catch herself if she'd ever fall.

She did it just fine in that junkyard, but he knows how a “new place’’ could be scary to climb, especially when she hasn't done it on anything other than junk hills for so long. She might not remember those scenery, even if she’d climb through them so many times he could barely compete, since he started flying on his hoverboard when he was 15.

She nods, and approaches as if to follow. So he starts climbing, keeping a close eye on her and checking her expression every two seconds. He stops again when he makes it to the roof, helping her until her feet reach the ground, even though she could probably do it herself, but she lets him help her anyway. She is still shaking from her previous paranoia in the street, and he can tell she's still pretty much unaware of what's really going on, because her mind seems off and her whole face and eyes express the feeling of being confused and scared as she looks around like she expects the place to be anything but familiar. 

He really wonders if she's going to make it through the roofs of the neighborhood in that state. 

She fucking looks like a wild animal out of the forest and it seems as if all her senses are both switched off and on high alert at the same time.

It all happened so fast. Maybe he should have given her time to process the change. She must be having a hard time processing all these new information right now, especially after having been isolated from the living world for so long.

“Do you need to take a break?” he asks, and she looks at him like she's emerging from underwater.

“Wha?” she answers vaguely, her attention drifting away from the lights of the city on the horizon that she was looking at with eyes sharp like heated iron spikes piercing through snow, and Ekko checks what she's been looking at in hopes he'll find what's distracting her.

Since there's nothing more than steaming factories and weak chemical lights in the distance, a bit further away from where they stand still in an disreputable seedy-side of the city where houses were mostly those of drug-addicts who'd just found shelter into abandoned buildings which didn't even have running water nor light, he couldn't really tell what she was thinking about as she looked at the city with such nervousness on her face. 

Their surroundings were still pretty dark, but the smoke and pollution was so dense in their hometown that the Undercity always felt like the sky was lit up by an opaque grayish, sometimes greenish or yellowish light lingering in the air. 

All the lights were reflecting in the pollution, leaving a constant beacon hanging on top of their heads like a foggy permanent ghost veil. At least, they could always find their way in the dark alleys that they called home, just like cats.

Or rats.

“Everything's gonna be ok.” he ends up saying, cause even if her eyes didn't express fright nor panic anymore and just stared, empty and focused at the horizon like it was contemplating an old memory that was predicting her a doomed fate, he could still tell she was not ok.

“It will be ok.” she repeated, as if he didn't just tell her that, and just like he didn't believe it himself, she didn't seem to believe it either.

He takes her hand and slightly starts guiding her through the roof.

She follows but keeps on looking at the horizon, and he feels his throat tightening. They stay silent until they reach the edge where a small gap separates the two buildings. 

He looks at her again, about to ask if she’s ready, but she’s still looking at the city, and her arms are crossed around her belly as if to keep herself from the cold as soon as he lets go of her hand.

He stops again, because clearly, he could feel she’s starting to slip away.

“Hey… Jinx? Stay with me.”

She looks at him when she hears her name but it’s like she’s not really seeing him, or hearing him at all, even though he got closer to her so that she felt safer.

“What's wrong?” he asks gently, rubbing her shoulder in an encouraging way, but she shrugged her shoulders at the gesture and slowly pulled away so that his hand won't be able to reach her.

“I-I don’t want to do it..” she says, shaking her head, and he sees her glimpse at the city again.

“We have to go there.” he says, his tone a bit sorry, cause it wasn't like he could force her into it, she'll have to come willingly, so he tried to be firm for her to understand that they had no choice. “We won't run into anyone if we go by the roofs. There will be noise, and people down there, at some point, but you don't have to be scared ok? No one will see us.”

She nods and he feels a slight of relief, because that means she understands his words, and somehow agrees, but he knows she's not entirely re-assured because she keeps shielding herself between her shoulders that she lifted up to her ears – and his jacket's collar – and keeps looking at the lights with a slight frown on her face.

“We're gonna run down the blocks, be sneaky like I know you're good at, and we'll be there in no time, you'll see.” he keeps on, smiling a bit when she finally meets his eyes, and she nods again as she looks down at his hand where he's put it to climb the edge of the roof.

“We won't come across a soul.” he continues, offering his hand again, but she throws him an empty – but death he'd say – stare and climb on her own.

“I can do it. I’m not afraid.” she says and man, his heart.

“Sure, n-no problem.” he chuckles nervously as if trying to smooth the atmosphere, but he just feels stupid as he withdraws his hand to himself.

He clears his throat and sighs, standing on the edge.

He doesn't ask her if she's ready this time, and just jumps on the next roof. It's not too far so he doesn't need to take a run-up, but he turns around to see if Jinx was going to be ok with it but barely has the time to wonder that she's already jumped, and automatically starts approaching the next rim.

Fine, ok. She was fine.

They start running for a better approach of the next jumps, and for almost ten minutes, they don't say anything and just go from one roof to another. It's only when he needs to catch his breath that he stops before a slide, and he watches as she keeps on going on her own and waits for him on the next roof. He catches up to her quickly, and starts feeling his heart race when he hears music in the distance, and the rumbling noise of shatter and laughs. She hears it too, and looks like she wants to disappear into the ground as she glimpses at the wall behind which the music is coming from – on the other side of the building – and then back at him like she's trying to figure out if he can really be trusted or if he was going to reassure her again.

As he catches his breath, he realizes she did look like she was awaiting for the latter, so he gulps down his saliva and avoids her eyes.

That's why she waited for him ?

“Will you be ok?” he asks again, and she shakes her head as if to say no, but she answers the opposite.

“Yes.” she says and for fuck's sake, he've seen that before.

“It's going to be alright. Like I said ? No one will see us. It's actually a good thing if there's noise. It means people won't pay attention to us.”

She nods, her arms around her waist again, and she follows suit when he steps into a hole in the wall. He climbs up the building and so does she, and when they pass by a glass-roof from which emanates vibrating light from what seems to be a party, he puts his finger in front of his mouth and nose to indicate they needed to be quiet.

He probably doesn't have to tell her, but he acts on habit. They arrive at the roof and slowly climb down the edge, passing near the glass roof-top tip-toeing the ground until they reach the other end and climb up. They jump on the next roof and he turns on instinct when he hears the noise that follows Jinx's arrival, and grabs her arm just in time before she falls backwards as her feet lended on a broken tuile that slipped right when her weight was put on it.

She grunts as she holds herself with her free hand, and he helps her up until she has a better hold on the slippery roof tiles.

“Fucking rain.” he curses at her fall and she grunts in agreement.

They reach the top of the roof and he stops as he figures out the way, wondering if they should slide it down or continue on the side.

Jinx sits herself on the rail like she's ready to slide down and he holds her arm to stop her.

“Wait. I think we should go on the right.” he says, pointing at the path that their mind could easily create from the forms and shapes of the building's disposal, and she nods again as she stands up and starts walking on the rail like a tightrope-walker on her wire.

He follows in the same pattern, and they run down the block of roofs again, until they reach a huge gap and he assets the situation to find a better path cause there's no way in hell Jinx can jump from that far with her mane and too big of a jacket that wraps around her body like a giant cloak.

When he turns around to tell her that they needed to find another way, he notices she's not behind him anymore. 

She’s standing on the concrete edge of the roof on the right, with her arms crossed around her to protect herself from the deadly cold of the night and the rain. 

The rain was drizzling down on the concrete, and it could be slippery. It could be so old it could break under anybody’s weight, but even more than the uncertainty of the environment, Ekko was more worried about the lack of life obscuring her eyes that were tearing up under the freezing mistiness of the night.

“Jinx… what are you doing?”

He approaches and puts his hand on her calf, but then his eyes are caught up by the street below and he realizes they've reached busier streets now.

She's looking down, and his heart is beating like a bitch.

“Hey.. Come down please...”

“What are they doing…?” she whispers, and Ekko could barely hear her with the sound of the wind, the city’s rumble down below and the slight pouring rain lapping on the roofs. 

He isn't even sure if she's talking to him or thinking aloud, but he looks down too and figures she must be talking about those citizens down there.

“They're just... living their lives... I suppose...” he answers.

She looks at him, and from so high above, with that empty stare of hers, he feels really small. 

Meaningless, even. Like his vain attempt at reaching out to her so that she doesn’t do anything stupid like jumping off that roof. Like he could ever make a difference if she really decided to. He didn’t manage to save her back then. He didn’t manage to bring her back to him nor reality the following years. He didn’t even manage to stop her from trying to end her own life on that bridge.

And still, after everything that must have happened next, she was still there for him to admire.

Cause when he sees her looking so wild, beautiful and dangerous like this in the cold depth of the night, he wonders what the fuck he’s even doing thinking he could be of any help to her when she’s already so strong on her own in that lonesome reality of hers.

She doesn't say anything, and just looks down on the street again, and when she turns her head towards the horizon, he can't tell her expression because of the hood that covers her face. He feels all the heaviness on her shoulders though, and she seems to be carrying the darkest depths of the night with her own existence.

He climbs on the edge too, and sits on it sighting heavily, while his legs hang in the emptiness.

“What's wrong?” he asks blankly, because he knows there's something wrong.

She doesn't answer, but he follows her face's direction and understands she's looking towards Piltover - the city standing tall behind all the fog and wires and roads of the Undercity's gears.

His face shows pain, and he frowns a bit as he swallows down his saliva. He couldn't tell what was on her mind, but it was probably something painful.

“They won’t know you’re here…”

“I don’t mind if they do.”

He’s surprised by the rudeness of her tone and feels a cold shiver run down his spine.

He looks up to see her focused, enraged glimmering gaze, staring in the same direction while she digs her nails in his jacket.

He frowns under the pain, gulping down to ease his sore throat. 

He wonders how much she remembers.

“It’s better if they don’t… don’t you think ?”

She doesn’t answer, and a hot heavy tear just slides down her jaw, and when Ekko sees it fall from where he sits beside her, he grabs her sleeve.

“Jinx, hey…”

She remembers his presence and looks down on him, but seems more lost in thought than angry as she snaps out of her thoughts.

“Can you sit down… please?”

She sits next to him in a tired sigh after she gave him a long look like she was analyzing his further motives, but when she realized he just seemed worried she looked away and glared down at the Undercity again. He tries to ease her mind by putting his hand on hers, showing her she’s not alone, but she withdraws it and keeps it to herself. 

Ekko gulps down hard and wraps his hands one against each other between his legs to try and warm himself up.

“You don’t have to be afraid you know…”

“I’m not afraid.”

She looks away to where Piltover glimmers through the thick dull fog, and he follows her gaze acknowledging her lie.

“I am.”

She looks at him, and there’s surprise and intensity in her gaze.

He swallows down bitterly. He can’t tell her the reason he’s really afraid. He can’t tell her he’s afraid of her dooming him or the cities even more than she already has. He wished he could make her understand she doesn’t have to feel weak for being afraid of the repercussions of what she’s done, or what the world would do to her if they ever found out she was alive, walking the streets of their cities again. But he couldn’t even comfort himself into believing it, so how could he ever convince her that she’ll never have to go through such hardships again ?

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to help you like I wish I could. Perhaps by coming back here it will hurt you more than I thought, and I don’t want that.”

She doesn’t say anything, and just looks down at her hands looking like she’s sulking. 

He wonders what she’s thinking. There’s been a change in her features and her eyes, and since he saw her gaze at Piltover with that hatred on her face, he wonders if he’s not talking to the remains of the grown-up Jinx he once knew before the many burials he’s witnessed had made him too bitter to ever consider talking to her again without putting on a fight.

“I really want to help you get better, and feel safe. I hope the place I’m taking you to will do. You won’t have to run for your life anymore.”

“I’m not afraid.” she repeats, and he swallows, clearing his throat slightly.

“I know…”

“They’re the ones who should be afraid.” she says again, and her tone is deadly cold, throwing a freezing wave of worry down his spine, and it courses down his blood rivers all through his skin and steadily makes anxiety build up in his stomach, his heart, then his throat - that feels dry when he speaks again.

“... of what?” he asks carefully, even though he already has the answer, in his core.

She doesn’t answer, and just looks down on the city looking hateful.

“There’s a Monster here now...”

“You mean the beast?”

She slowly looks him in the eyes, and her eyes are empty and he can’t read them, but her lack of answer and the drowned-out traits on her face makes him feel like looking into her soul. 

He thinks this is Jinx. He thinks somewhere deep down she recalls what she’s done, what she’s left behind, and the deep tiredness and wrath and despair he reads in her pink unnatural eyes are what’s left of the bright manic excitement he used to stare at with horror whenever she’d let her wrath explode, when she’d rather have it turn into amusement than terror for she was herself terrified of the things she’s done.

His heart is aching, and beating fast. An unpleasant sweat has appeared on his neck and from where he sits, next to her on that high rooftop above the rumbling city, it feels like the cold of the night is turning that hot sweat into ice spikes digging through his skin.

She looks away, towards Piltover, and her face is tired and empty again, as she folds her hands under the sleeves of the too long jacket and tries to get warmer.

“Yeah… The beast… He’s a real monster, that’s true.” she says tiredly, giving him the agreement he wished for, but they both know he wasn’t the one she had in mind.

“We won’t let him terrorize people.”

She looks at him and says nothing, and when she understands his words, and sees how serious his eyes are, she understands what he means and frowns.

“No.” she says dryly, the tone one of a sulking child that doesn’t agree to something we’re forcing on them, and Ekko frowns, not understanding why she’s taking the sake of this monster so much at heart.

It infuriates him.

That feeling of déjà-vu.

“Jinx… it already killed two people, it even attacked you-”

“But he’s not bad! He didn’t want to hurt anybody. He was just scared.” she tries to explain, and she looks at him with pure shock and frustration on her face like she wouldn’t get how he could ever think such things about the beast.

Ekko frowns, not understanding shit about what’s happening in her mind right now, and why was she suddenly starting to talk like a child again. He glances at her shoulder where he knows the deep wound that’s hidden there to be and he frowns even more meeting her expectfull eyes : she’s looking at him like she’s analyzing his thoughts in hopes of seeing him come down to the same ones as hers.

What the fuck was she expecting from him ? Understanding ? For him to comply and go along with her crazy delusions ? That that beast was all kind and not bad and just a lone wolf that wouldn’t hurt a soul ? Fuck that. It already killed two people. If it ever came as close as the junkyard’s edges, he’ll smell fresh food and will make a mess out of this city - and its citizens, mostly.

“I’m sorry but if it ever wanders out of that junkyard, we’ll have to kill him.” he tells her firmly, the tone serious as much as his face was showing confusion, because he really couldn’t understand how she could even think otherwise.

“No!..? No you can’t kill Wolfie, you... You just can't .”

“But he might come up to the Undercity one day, it’s dangerous..!”

“He did nothing wrong! He was forced to.. He didn’t do it on purpose! He’s kind I sware!”

Ekko stares at her with bewildered eyes as she stands up on the concrete edge and tries to make her point, and he’s beyond abashed. 

Something’s clearly off with her and that beast and there was no way a sane mind would consider such a monster a kind monster like it’s a huge pet of some kind when she even had been attacked by it, and badly injured on top of that.

He wonders if she’s projected herself onto it. 

He watches the worry and the panicked pained expression on her face and he figures she probably did, project onto that monster, as she was believing to be one herself. A part of her wanted to believe that she didn’t do those things out of her free will, that there was still some good in her ; and her conscience probably shut down for good after having been projected onto that beast that she couldn’t possibly know a fuck about. Still she insisted on protecting him and thinking of him as good and not wanting to harm others on purpose? It could only be out of projection.

“O-ok, listen, I won’t… I won’t kill it. But if it does come-up to the Undercity, we’ll have to do something…”

“I don’t care! He can kill them all for all I care, I don’t care about ANY of those rats! Do you think they cared about him??”

Ekko doesn’t say a thing, and just watches as she slowly starts losing it. 

He sees her cry and grind her teeth and his heart is beating like crazy, cause for the first time, he feels like hearing Powder ; a grown-up Powder who would finally open up her heart about her true feelings like she used to do when they were kids and the moment she decided to go with Silco was the moment she stopped doing that with him, and the only times she tried to explain something to him were always times where her words would be so incoherent he’d only take them the wrong way.

She used to loath enforcers so much. Piltover, authorities, rich candid people who didn’t know nor give a shit about them ; she hated them with all her core just like he did. They used to hate on them for hours and imagine themselves fighting them and opening their eyes about the true atrocities of their world but then they went separate ways and Powder also started hating on him and the Undercity and people in general and he never quite understood why. 

How could she separate herself from them ; from their own city ; from the world ; to the point of not caring who’s life or soul she’d hurt ?

He thought of her as cold and heartless many times, even though he kept hopes that he might be wrong and she might still regret it sometimes, deep in her core, but then he sees the rage on her face and the sorrow in her eyes as she screams at him right now and he thinks he starts to understands.

She’s mad at the whole world for what happened to her. 

But how twisted, unjust was that, when he’d reach out to her and she was the one to throw him and the world away before even considering their help ?

“They didn’t care about hurting him! They didn’t even care if he was dead or alive!” she keeps on, her hands clenched into fists and she’s screaming right at him ; and he wonders if she might escape or attack him at some point, but then she’s looking down at the city and looks enraged like they’re the ones she’s so desperately angry with.

She’s talking about her, he knows. She's entirely projecting herself onto that beast, and something seems odd, cause he can clearly tell there’s too much emotion on her face right now to be the words of a child’s.

She’s not just throwing a tantrum or retrieving into a safe, child-like mental state like he’s seen her do in that junk-yard. She’s not just crying out for him to understand that he has to leave that beast alone cause he’s nice and kind . 

She’s pouring her heart out in the open night, but she probably doesn't even realize how much she’s telling him nor how much he’s wished of hearing it all those years.

He flinches a little when she grunts and moves and for a moment he thinks she’s going to run away, but she walks on the edge and he feels his heart skip a beat.

“Jinx, please don’t-”

He thinks she might jump and try to kill herself because she can’t bare with the pain nor the memories anymore, but she speaks again before he can move or finish his sentence, and she’s looking down at the street below, her eyes glimmering with rage and resentment as she speaks.

“I don’t care if any of them die. Why would I care when they don’t?” she spits out bitterly.

He doesn’t say anything, just stands up too in order to be close to her - wanting to be ready to catch her if she makes the slightest move resembling one before jumping.

“I get that you’re angry at them…” he says, and it’s half a lie, and half a truth, cause if he was honest, when he’s found himself living in the streets before finding the Firelight’s tree, the indifference of some street-walkers had made him cold-hearted too as depression and anger settled in. “But everyone isn’t the same. There are still good people among them.”

“Monsters don’t care.”

He looks at her frowning, and she’s frowning too, looking down at the city like it's mud puddles on her path.

“You’re not a..”

“I am. I told you before. You just don’t listen. I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t belong with any of you.”

She looks at Piltover again, and he knows this is Jinx. 

He knows she’s still in there, and behind the little scare and worry that he still sees on her face like she’s afraid of something, she now acknowledges what she’s afraid of, and realizes she’s afraid of the very same thing he’s been afraid of all this time.

“You can change.”

She blinks and snaps out of the rageful, probably awful thoughts she’s having, and looks warily at him like she’s afraid his words might actually get to her. 

He sees her eyes shimmer under its color and new-born tears and he smiles bitterly, his own eyes looking sorry for her.

“You’re not a monster, Jinx… It’s…this thing in your head that is… but you can fight it. I’m sure you will.”

She looks away looking confused, and he wonders if she’s retrieving to a traumatic state of a child again when he sees her eyes get wide and unfocused, but she frowns at the distance and clenches her fingers on her arms that she crossed on her chest when she seems to find her resolution back.

“Monsters don’t change. People think.. people become monsters, or that they’re made, but… I was born one. I’ll forever be one. They were right, I was cursed from the beginning.”

“You don’t seriously think that” he starts, but she’s not listening.

She keeps talking, shaking her head and her eyes losing focus as she’s crying again, and she doesn’t really seem to be talking to him anymore.

“I won’t change . I know it’s just going to repeat, I’ll Jinx it all again.”

And Ekko has the confirmation he was fearing.

She was afraid of herself more than anything else.

…

And so was he.

[. . .]

It’s time to leave them.

~ * ~

Chapter Text

Chapter VI - The Prey

The crunch of the leather of his shoes echoed off the asphalt as he approached the front of the store, lingering for a moment on the side of the alley to make sure it wasn't occupied by any party couple too dizzy with alcohol to worry about finding somewhere more comfortable than a section of wall to express their passion - although drunkenness would have been a better word. But the back alley was as dark and empty as the rest of the neighborhood, so Ekko hurried back at the front door and checked the street.

At this late hour and on this rainy night, the people of the Undercity preferred to crowd into the cramped and seedy bars of the lower city as if alcohol and human warmth were the only thing that could warm their hearts. People hated the rain in their city. Its thickness was felt on the skin and reeked of pollution as soon as the drizzle touched their skin.

But for once, Ekko thanked the weather for the anonymity it offered them.

He opens the door with the heart beating like a drum, quickly checking up the inside as he turns on the lights. He then pushes the door open and looks up to the roofs, nodding as he catches her eyes. 

He checked the street one more time just to be safe and when he’s made sure no one was coming their way, he urged her to come in with his hand.

His heart skips a beat then beats faster when he sees her hesitate, and he mouths ''Jinx, come on!” in a silent call as he pushes the door open even more and steps back to make her understand she has to come quick while the way is clear.

He sees her get down the pipes, and he checks the street again. She does the same when she's reached the ground, then brings the hood lower on her forehead before hurrying herself in.

Ekko shuts the door right behind her and lets out a sigh of relief as he closes the locks he's added there for double safety, and he can't help but think ''finally, mouse's in the trap” when he hears the squeak of her shoes on the wooden floor of the shop.

He turns around to look at her and can't help but smile a bit, both from relief and to let out the stress.

He can't really process this. It's quite unbelievable for him to be honest. To think that she was really there, that they really made it. That he really made it. All this time thinking she was dead just to find her back in that hellish dumpyard of all places. To have been able to get her out of there was like seeing clear water run down the Undercity pipes ; it was not something you were meant to see in your lifetime when you were born a Zaunite. Unless you were a genius engineer like him and well. He knew a trick or two to steal from Piltover’s noses without them ever being aware that their facilities had been slightly diverted. They had plenty anyway, and so little care about this kind of thing that it would probably take them years before they figured there was one of their hundred running-water pipe that wasn’t working and by the time they’d get back at where exactly it was leading, they’d have to go down the whole cobweb of pipes and geers of the Undercity and they’d probably rather stop the supply of running-water into that pipe instead of losing time fixing it.

It will just end up being thrown onto the Undercity, before ending up in that same dumpyard where he’s found his neurotic scared-looking mouse.

Having the most wanted terrorist and person he thought so long ago was dead, a ghost, six feet under ; walking their old childhood's favorite place's ground… It was hard to believe, and he could just smile from the emotion.

But he lost the smile the moment he saw her face and how drawned out her features were.

She had stopped in the middle of the room, her arms loose on her sides but the body stiff as a board. He approaches slowly and tries to meet her eyes, trying to see what was wrong with her, but she was staring straight ahead like she was horrified by the place, and she barely noticed his presence when he carefully brushed his hand across her back.

“Jinx, what's going-”

“I know this place.” she cuts him, her voice dark, soar and panicked, and he sees the same jumpiness in her eyes and movements when she frowns and suddenly jolts out of her shock to look around, stopping at places. “I-I know this place.” she repeats, and she seems un-assured of what she's stating, like she feels her mind is playing tricks on her.

Ekko swallows down his saliva and panics entirely, but tries his best to keep it inside. 

He has to keep it inside. Don't let it show. Cause she'll definitely sense it.

He didn't plan this, and even if he'd thought of it and had a little fear – or hope – she'd recognize the place, he wasn't expecting her to freak out while remembering it.

“It.. it's an old shop where I used to work... It sold a lot of gadgets and supplies for techs and.. You.. Hum.. You like doing mechanics right? You must have come here a lot as a customer!”

She looks at him, and her eyes make him feel like she's believing him, so he keeps on :

“It was the best in town, back then.. Pretty sure you came here a bunch of times. I know you're kind of an inventor so.. I bet you must have gotten some stuff for your inventions from here.” 

He shrugs his shoulders like he's just chit-chatting and gives her a little smile as he walks past her, trying to act casual and ease the atmosphere before her body and eyes and fucking soul start emanating thunder-lightnings with her stress and make the whole situation escalate untill she blows them both with god-knows what bomb she could be hiding in that mane of hers.

He turns his back on her as he reaches the counter and starts moving boxes around to clear the space -and mostly to act like he's not fucking lying to her face-, but as much as he's trying to act casual, his hands are sweaty from the stress and the fear.

Cause if she freaks out on him and he looses her now , there's a strong chance she won't even find her way back to that junkyard and would want to avenge herself from his ''betrayal'' instead by blowing the whole city up or god knows what she could do in her rage of thinking she has been set up.

“Yeah… I went to a lot of shops like these… Stole plenty of gadgets too…” she whispers absent-mindly in his back, and GOD he has to hide his sigh of relief in a noisy clear of the throat.

“So, that's the place.” he says, a bit joyfully, as he turns around again and checks if she's not aiming a dragon-bazooka at him.

She's taken the hood off her hair and just stays there, standing in the middle of the room looking at the shelves with a thoughtful expression.

“So many...” she says vaguely, and he scratches his jaw, wondering what to say as she starts moving around the place.

Her hand runs down one of the shelves and she stares at the many artifacts and gadgets with dumbfounded eyes, her mouth ajar as she takes in the sight of the many objects that are probably like treasures to her seeing how she must have been staring at wreckages and old junk for so long she probably forgot how a clean, unpatched-up and colorful object might look like. 

She doesn’t mind the dust she collected from the shelf and just crosses her arms around her waist as to keep herself from the cold, and she looks up at the ceiling, apparently amazed at the dimmed, non flickering light that was lighting up the room, and it was probably the first real light she saw in four years seeing how the only semblance of light she had back there in her lair was a fading one coming from a ditched mosquito-trap she turned into a lamp.

She keeps looking at the room, slowly pacing through it, before she stops and looks at the window, suddenly frowning.

She grunts and goes right at the library, and Ekko frowns when he sees her grab it firmly and start pushing it.

“Hey wait.. What are you doing?”

A few books and objects fall on the ground as she moves it around, but when he understands what she's doing, he winces and lets her finish.

When she's done she looks at him like he insulted her mum and he moves his arms in a stupid attempt of letting his frustration free.

“I'm sorry… ‘forgot about it.” he says and she groans at him like a raged animal for simple answer.

He crosses his arms and sulks as she silently judges him with discontent eyes while she goes back at the edge of the library, and he bites his lips watching her. 

She starts kicking the library as if to make it move some more, but it's blocked by the iron edges of the window and she gets irritated by it for not complying and she says it aloud, cursing at it to move, and Ekko bites his lip hard watching her, wondering if that's how she grew up to be, or if she was just having a tantrum.

He’s seen Powder having tempered reactions before. He’s seen her get angry.

But she was barely ten, then.

He sighs in exasperation when he sees her go back at the front of the library and throw angry punches at it like she’s ever going to make it move like that, and he feels the need to stop her before she hurts herself or something.

“It's already in front of the window, you can't move it furth-” he starts but she turns around and throws her arm in his direction like he's bothering her.

“Shut up! Stupid… stupid. You said this was a safe place!”

He lifts his eyes up to the ceiling and throws his hand in his hair. He doesn't say anything and just crosses his arms again as he watches her set the library in front of the window to hide the street – or the inside – and he can't help but bite his lip wondering if he should have thought this through twice more before thinking it through a hundred times already.

Sure, he should have obstructed the window. He should have. But he thought the crazy amount of dust and dirt on it would have made her understand no one would ever be able to see through that shitty green patchwok glass. 

Would have been common sense to him, but apparently she was lacking it, these days. Not sure her perception of reality was what could be considered as "normal" anymore.

When she's finally done making sure the whole window was hidden by the library she turns around and walks past him throwing him a death glare, and when she goes straight at the bar like she fucking owns the place, he un-crosses his arms and opens his mouth in almost shock when he sees her sass.

“Excuse me , princess, I didn't know I had to re-decor for you to feel safe. I remind you you were  leaving in a fuckin trash bin.” he snaps at her, and she turns around to face him, but doesn't look at him as she answers.

He doesn't really know if she's talking to him, even, cause she keeps looking at the ground, eyes wide and insane, and she starts making weird round gestures with her hands as she suddenly seems invaded by a shit-ton of emotions that shows on her features and eyes and body and Ekko's eyes widens when he sees her lose it.

“You you you—YOU THERE, always saying what to do, what to think ; you never listen. I know what I said : it wasn't safe here. I came here and people will find me and THEY'LL KNOW because YOU’ll tell them I'm here! I know they'll do, right? You said it was safe but you never listen! You should have listened to me when I told you we won’t be safe up the blocks but noo—NOBODY!  ever listen when no— YOU shut up! What did I say? You listen to me WHEN I SPEAK!!”

She stares without blinking at the floor where she was looking when she's finished talking and then she moves her hand on the side as if she was signing a ''stop'' ; then her fingers twitch like she's fucking showing claws and she grunts and turns to a mask on the shelf and yells at it so loud her voice echoes through the walls.

“I said shut up!?? SHUT. UP! !”

“Jinx?”

She looks at him like she's being electroshocked and he looks at her, with probably the same expression.

What. The. Fucking hell just happened to her?

She looks like a bloody hound out of a hell’s pit… all that because of a library?

“I'm.. I'm sorry? For the window, I... I'll bring boards so that we can cover it up... Ok..?”

She breathes heavily and looks him up and down, and then at the window for a second before looking to the side, and he follows her eyes before lifting his hands in an attempt to calm her down.

“I..? I didn't think about the window because it's so dirty no one will ever be able to see from the outside... Also this place has been closed for years, I'm the only one who uses it when I need to work on some projects so... it's safe, I swear to you it's safe. No one has come here in years except for me.”

“It's..”

She frowns and shakes her head a bit, before looking at the ground as she crosses her arms around her like she's suddenly uncomfortable.

“It's not...” she whispers to the side, and he frowns some more as he looks at her, before glimpsing at that damn origami bird in her hair and figuring she's talking to it.

He licks his lips and moves a bit closer.

“Look, there's a bunch of locks on the door, the apartment on top is also safe... I figured we could think of some mechanics to put on the door, so that you would know if anyone tries to break in? I'm sure you'll think of something...”

He smiles gently when she looks him in the eye and he can tell she's calming down, so he relaxes a bit.

“This is one of the safest places I know. No one will ever come looking for you here and moreover, they're not even looking for you anymore. At least you won't have to run from a giant beast hunting your smell every two nights right?”

She looks on the side when he mentions the beast and for a moment he just looks at her, cause he's confused by her expression that both looks sad and guilty as she seems to be thinking of the beast.

He decides he's getting it all wrong and she perhaps just looks like a child remembering desperate, lonely times where she had to run for her life and be afraid all the time, so he puts his hand on her arm and smoothly brushes it.

“You won't have to be afraid anymore...” he tries to convince her, and she looks at him again, but this time, like a few hours and a few days ago, he feels like she really sees him, and he can see her right back through her new-formed tears.

He offers her another reassuring smile, and she looks away as her tears wets her eyelashes.

“Wolfie will be lonely without me...” she says, and man, if he didn't care so much for her, he'd grab her by the shoulders and shake her violently.

But her tone sounds childish and desperate again, and even though he’s a bit taken aback by that, he’s mostly pained by it and he feels the need to reassure her.

“He'll be ok.” he answers, a bit awkwardly cause damn, can you believe what he's saying ?

Girl, he'll be hungry without you or grow fat from having to chase for his own food, for a change, that's what he wanted to say. Disappointed he didn't get her for his Christmas Eve dinner, at worst. Thank God you could put some sense in your head when we met and decided to leave that place.

He sighed heavily, staring down at her face as she seemed to be lost in her – guilty, yeah, he got that right the first time – thoughts.

“Want me to show you upstairs? It's where you can stay. It's small, but it's cozy... There's a bed, and a bathroom, and you can do whatever you want with it. It's your home now.”

She looks at him for a few seconds and drifts down between his chest and eyes a few times, before nodding slightly like an un-assured child and he swallows down his saliva as he steps back, guiding her to the stairs with a side nod of the head.

She's back to the little girl he's met a few weeks before, he knows it when he sees her wrap her arms tightly around her belly and follow him with slow steps with each step looking like she wants to disappear into the ground.

He sighs when he turns his back on her, and his heart aches. 

She'll get better, after a few days here. After she's cleaned herself and eaten a hot meal, slept in a safe place and warm bed, she'll start to heal. She'll get better. He really hopes she does. She has to.

When he realizes she's not following him up the stairs he looks down, and sees she's stopped in the middle of the room. 

She’s staring at the little square table set in the inner corner of the shop, normally next to the library she previously moved around, but even though there’s nothing on it and it’s just a mere small, old wooden table, she keeps staring bewildered at it looking like her mind is completely off.

And Ekko can’t help but feel his heart pondering.

“Jinx?” he calls out to her, but she doesn't answer, nor react.

He goes down the few stairs he's climbed, and looks at her then the table, throwing a hand in his hair to evacuate the stress.

“What is it?” he asks.

“It’s...” she says, and blinks, and her mouth stays slightly open and trembles for a few seconds and then she's biting her lip down staring at the table with more focus ; eyes wide and teary like she's going through something internally.

And as he looks at the table again, Ekko thinks he knows.

“Do you remember something? From when you came here...” he can't help but ask, and feels his whole body and soul being at the verge of breaking when it's overwhelmed by waves of hopes and pain and stress all entangled together.

“I... I came here? And I...”

She approaches the table but stops after three steps, then steps back suddenly and turns her back on it and as she does so she steps closer to him, and jolts back when she realizes he's closer than she expected. 

And when they face each other again, she looks him straight in the eyes like she’s seeing a ghost.

“I don't want it here.” she says, and he’s alarmed again when he sees her get overwrought by whatever fear and memories she’s trying to run away from, but he's even more stressed than before cause now she's talking like a panicked child filled with true terror and he's afraid he'll have a hard time talking sense into her when she's like this.

He breathes in and tries to find the right words, but she starts getting agitated, and he sees how tense and jumpy her body and features start to become and he freaks. out.

Because she seems completely lost in her own mind to the point of forgetting his presence entirely, and she keeps looking at the door like she wants to get away from here.

She was panic-stricken once more and he couldn't let her do so but he really didn't know what to say, either less do. What if he can’t calm her down ? Jinx could be dangerous when she felt her life was at threat. And he didn’t know how to manage her if he really failed in calming her down with comforting words. 

Please make him have the right words to talk sense into her mind and sooth her down, cause if she blacked out on him and let the panic take over, there’s no way he’d let her run away into the city ; that would be too dangerous for each and everyone of them - her included.

He’ll have to fight her. Knock her off, in best case scenario. If he was still alive to do so.

“Why don’t you want it here?” he asks, saddened despite the stress. “This is a good place. You'll be safe here..”

“I don't want to be here. I don't like it. I don't like that .” she says and she suddenly paces the room as if she doesn't know where to go ; where to escape ; or what trail of thought to follow, and everytime her eyes stop somewhere, she gets even more upset and groans at the sight before turning another way.

And he doesn't know what to do or say to make her stop moving around like a headless chicken. Cause she'd just been triggered by a memory, and this place held many. What if she freaks out remembering something one day, and he's not around? What if she escapes and goes back to that trashland and decides on never coming up again? If that ever happened there was no way he’d ever find her if she decided on him not to. He’s been lucky until then, because she was the one to have decided on showing up whenever he’d gone looking for her.

And if she decided on not going back there and staying in Zaun instead, shit… Worst case scenario with her in that state.

“It's ok, you don't have to like it right away... But you'll be safe, at least..? And maybe, with time... you'll like it and.. upstairs? You can scribble and draw on the walls and make it your own. It will be-”

“I don't want to..I said I wON’T!” she cuts him, but she stops to breathe, and inhales in a quivering motion like she’s about to violently burst into sobs.

She stops suddenly though and her breath gets stuck inside her throat, and Ekko looks at her with a pained frown on his face, his mouth dry of any comforting words. 

He’s hurt seeing her in such a state. And he’s fucking confused. 

Even though he’s seen how unhinged and broken her mind seemed to have become in the last decade, he’s seen how worse it got when he met her in that junkyard. But never had he imagined it would be to that heartrending, shattered and chaotic extent.

And he could never have imagined the shooting pain that was awaiting him at the realization.

She's staring at the table while breathing through her nose, her lips curled inwards inside her mouth as she’s biting them from the inside, and two hot tears fall down her sunken face while she’s frowning through her thoughts ; and then she's looking at him with so much despair and intensity he feels like he's suddenly set on fire and his heart feels like dropping to his guts. 

Cause she... She's remembering him, he thinks, in the way she's looking at him with so much emotion. 

And he’s afraid of what doom that might engender.

“It's going to be alright.” he tells her, cause he doesn't really know what else to say, so he just smiles slightly, gently, and looks at her with sorry eyes.

“But you.. You don’t know...” she starts, but doesn't finish.

Instead she shakes her head, whimpers while tilting her head to the side, and suddenly grabs her hair with her fist making the damn origami bird fall onto the ground.

Ekko feels his heart clunch violently then beat faster, and he thinks fast about what to say to calm her down before she hurts herself some more.

“Listen, it's– it's just a table ok? Just a stupid table, forget about it-”

“No it's not! It's..”

She breathes heavily, and he watches her as she stares at the table like it's a threat, but he knows the threat she feels, is her own memory trying to get back at her.

“I don't want to!'' she whines in a sob and he approaches to make her calm down when he sees her hit her temple with her fist but the moment he says her name, she suddenly straightens and he stops right on the spot with his hands in the air as she aims her gun at him.

“Don't come closer.” she tells him, and her eyes are red with tears and hatred as much as her voice that burns and cuts through his heart like a knife in the chest.

He swallows down. 

Hard.

Cause for a moment, he's afraid she's Jinx.

His, Jinx. And that she remembered it all just by seeing that damaged damn table he used to tinker on all the time and on which Powder would join him and they'd have to wait for the adults to be done with their deals and conversation and they've spent so much time together seated at that table that it still carried the marks of their drawings they engraved in the wood just out of boredom.

It was the spot he was seated on, tinkering with one of Benzo's customer's broken watch, the first time his eyes met hers - the moment they passed through that door and she'd been so afraid by Benzo's coarse voice that she hid right away behind Vander's leg. 

She scanned the room for threats or a semblance of safety and that was it : she saw him and suddenly all fright seemed to have left her soul and she straightened, her face lit with childish curiosity and innocence and she blinked at him, noticing his presence, what he had in his hand, and she moved away from the fabric of Vander's pants like there was no danger in the room in the first place when she'd been so afraid by a mere voice a second before.

And now... now she had a gun. When the fuck did he forget the part where he should have thought of his own safety again?

“I'm.. I'm sorry.” he says, trying to make her feel safe. “I wasn't going to attack you, I just wanted... you were hitting yourself.”

“What does it matter to you? ”

Shit. Did she really remember him?

“W-well... I don't like when people.. hurt themselves... Why would you do that to yourself?”

She shakes her head, grinding her teeth, and suddenly lifts her hand near her ear to move it along with her words like she’s trying to focus on each one of them to speak her mind more clearly.

“I.. I already told you I’m not like them - monsters they… People hurt them. We’re used to it, so... Right. They’ll hurt me too. I'm not safe in here. I can't be.. here . I told you I can't.”

They've already been through this. He thought he managed to calm her down on that roof, but he had under-estimated how much she was believing in those fears and truthful lies in her mind. 

He had to hold on a sigh as he breathed in calmly, trying not to let her know his stressed heart.

“I know you don't feel safe up here... But it wasn't safe for you down there either, even more so.”

“It was safe. It was safe . I belonged there…So I-I… I had a home and no one was coming for me and I… IT WAS safe! Before YOU showed up!”

He sighs and puts down his hands, but lifts them up slightly again, when she aims back at him so that he doesn't move.

“Sorry” he says, gently. “I am no threat to you, you know I'm not... please stop aiming your gun at me.”

“You don't understand... I don't want to be here.”

His heart stirs when he looks into her eyes and sees tears coming down her face, this time without halt.

“I don't want to be here.” she repeats as her face breaks some more, and she's begging.

Her expression, her features, her eyes, she's begging him like she knows him , and for a second, Ekko wonders if she's remembered entirely, or if it’s what's left of her, buried beneath all the trauma, that is trying to reach out to him and make him understand remembering is making her suffer.

His own eyes start tearing up as he watches her with a pained expression, not knowing what to do or say, but either way the situation is getting out of hand and he knows it can end badly at any given moment.

“Listen, it's.. it's just a table. Just a stupid table, ok? Just forget about it. I’ll throw it away!”

“NO! It's not just a… How would you..”

She tears up again, and sobs violently when she looks at it again, and when he sees her aim at it instead of him, he slowly takes a step closer.

“I can remove it tomorrow. Hear me? If it bothers you, I'll just throw it away and-”

She shakes her head like she doesn't want him to follow suit but she doesn't say anything, like she's afraid of saying it aloud, and he feels his heart ache again, cause even though she doesn’t say a thing, she’s whining and crying like she’s in pain and all her expression speaks to him without words. She lets him approach still, so he keeps on :

“Ok, fine, I... I won't throw it away. You just need to forget about it, calm down and.. and we can talk. Can we talk? And you put your gun down?”

She shakes her head whimpering in an overactive way like a child having a tantrum and he swallows down as he approaches some more, with her still aiming at him, but he can tell from the way she's aiming now that that was not the way she'd aim at him to shoot. So he kept going. Until the barrel is almost against his stomach and he gets a closer look at how broken her soul is and how much she seems to be agonizing inside herself.

And she’s back to a broken little girl with a dangerous gun she’s barely holding steady anymore.

“It's alright...” he says as he slowly makes her drift her hand downwards, and she denies again slightly, but just sobs without fighting his hand.

“Don't throw it away..”

“Alright…I won't.” he says in the same gentle tone.

She nods between her sobs and lets him have the gun, and Ekko slowly puts it down on the counter behind her, his second hand never leaving her arm just to make sure she doesn't jump back at it to aim at him again.

He tries to reassure her by slowly brushing the fabric of his jacket she's still wearing like she was drowning inside it - both physically and mentally - and gulps down his stress away.

“You can paint it pink one day, if it bothers you.” he says in an amused tone, trying to ease the atmosphere, and she nods on instinct, like a child jumping to the reassuring tone of its parent after a big fright, and he licks his lips to unleash some of his nervosity. “Alright… I’ll bring you paint then?”

She nods again, looking him in the eye before glimpsing at the table then away from it like she’s trying to avoid looking at that corner, and he brushes his hand on her arm again feeling like he’s both comforting himself as much as her, cause he’s fucking hurt right now despite him not showing it to her.

He feels his heart calming down as she apparently was doing the same, and he slowly takes her hand to guide her to the stairs.

“I'll bring you crayons too tomorrow, ok?” he says softly, and she nods even more vehemently.

She gazes at the table when they reach the stairs, then turns her face away from it and lets him guide her to the first floor.

“Glitter... too.” she mumbles, and he puts his hand on her back when she lets go of his hand so that she can wrap her arms around her belly.

He lets her walk in front of him to make sure she won’t change her mind and go down - for any given reason, cause man, he doesn’t know what can go through her mind next - and holds in a saddened sigh.

“Sure.” he nods in agreement.

He frowns a bit as he follows her up the stairs, and can’t help but realize her pace is way less animalistic or strong than it used to be. He wonders if she’s hurt somewhere, but she doesn’t seem to be in pain, only tensed like she might jump in a start or freak out any given moment after a sudden move, so he keeps his pace just as low and careful as hers and tries to be slow and patient behind her when he sees her stop a few times to look at the paintings on the wall then at him like she’s awaiting to see his encouraging gaze before resuming her climb.

They reach the upper floor and he opens the first door on the right, inviting her into the room.

“Here it is.” he says, and he lets her walk inside.

She wraps one of her arms around her belly and grabs at her elbow with her hand as she looks around, her step unassured just like Powder's have been all those years he's known her when they were kids and there would be adults around.

She stops after a few steps and doesn't look like she's feeling safe or happy or any positive feelings, and Ekko has to lick his lips again when he realizes she even looks both on the verge of crying and like she's upset.

She looked so off then panicked and scared a minute ago but now he can see the change on her face as reality seems to be kicking in and she realizes - or recalls, probably - why they climbed those stares and why she was there, like she even forgot in the first place why she was in that town in that shop in that city, with him, coming back up here and feeling like this and climbing stairs and boom, there’s a room and a desk and a bed and light again and it’s a new space and a new place and it’s unfamiliar and she doesn’t like it.

That would definitely be the face a child would make if a parent moved cities and introduced them to their new home after they made them change homes and leave all their friends behind. Except her ''home'' was a fucking trashbin and her friends were bunch of junk piles – probably felt like an endless treasure-wonderland for her though – and shimmer junkies and a monstruous hell of a beast. And imaginary origami friends. Well she could still have her imaginary friends here, couldn't she?

He quickly opens the bathroom door to drift her attention from whatever upset feelings and thoughts she must be having right now and turns on the light, showing her the room.

“And here's the bathroom.” he says, smiling in a reassuring way, and she looks him in the eye for a few seconds before drifting to the bathroom and walking into it. “I fixed a few things and there's even hot water running. I'll bring you some more clothes and towels tomorrow, but you already have all you need to feel at ease-”

“I don't like this place.” she cuts him and turns her back on the bathroom, looking at the room with frowned eyebrows and her lips drawn in a thin line as she's clenching her teeth inside her mouth, having them digged into the inner part of her lip.

Ekko sighs and runs a hand through his neck.

“What's wrong with the room? I know it's not all that luxurious but I thought... you wouldn't be one to complain. You were living in a dumpyard...”

“I said NO, I don't like it. It stinks.”

He bites his lips and can't help but smile nervously through the astonishment.

“Well, we can still open the window. But I thought you'd want me to cover it too.”

She approaches the window and looks down at the rainy street like she's annoyed by an insect, and grunts before turning her back on it and crossing her arms again, looking at the room with disgruntled eyes.

She doesn't say anything but she looks huffy, and he lets her process the change for a few seconds before sighing and turning off the bathroom's light since she clearly doesn’t seem interested in taking a shower just yet.

“Listen, Jinx, I'll bring you whatever you need. Once you've got some stuff in here and get used to the place, maybe you'll feel better...?”

She tenses and shakes her head then takes a limp step, but it's not like she's aiming to go anywhere, she just seems lost as she looks around and apparently has a hard time focusing on a trail of thoughts clear enough to give him an answer.

He points at the desk, hoping for a second chance at making her feel comfortable, but he’s deeply hoping that she doesn't freak out and recognize it too. He's brought some few things for her in here the past week, in hopes it would sooth her in case she was – like she did earlier and like she did the weeks before – freaking out on him.

“Brought some stuff for you to play with?” he says hopefully, showing her the bolts and the other gadgets he's taken from the Firelight's repair shop, and when she sees the bolts, she finally uncrosses her arms and seems to be focusing on them.

Ekko lets a little sigh of relief escape his mouth when he sees her go through the objects like she's judging them, and when she seems satisfied with what he brought her – like he's bloody bringing her offrands for fuck's sa-- she crosses her arms again and turns to him, nodding as if she's accepting – WHATEVER.

Bitch did I have to bring you offerings for you to calm down? He thinks as he sighs deeply and gives her an annoyed look, but he quickly loses the expression when he sees her look at him with that same sulking-child face and he figures she really is , a child, right now. And presents and candy and snacks and for fuck's sake , care and safety , were the only thing a child would expect from someone, so he has to give it to her in order to make her feel comfortable. 

Seems like he had no other choice than to comply for now, at least until she starts getting better, and back to a more stable, adult state of mind. And he really hopes she does, so he'll suck it up for as long as it takes.

“Are you hungry?” he asks, and she denies with her head as she moves to the bed and sits on it, and even though he's a bit worried for her health and empty stomach when he sees her limping again and think she has to eat something, he's still happy she seems conscious enough to understand his words and give him an answer, so he doesn't insist in fear she might get upset and shut down entirely.

He watches her as she tests the bed and she seems misplaced, like she's not used to sitting on a bed, and to tell the truth, Ekko doesn't even know how long she hasn't slept in one. Even when she had been taking in by Silco she seemed to be outside the Last Drop most of the time – he knows cause he's run into her more than once very late at night, and he'd learn where she’d set her work-shop, and it seemed to him that she was spending most of her time and nights there, but he doesn't recall ever having seen a bed in that place. So literally, this might feel to her as this ''sleeping place'' was less comfortable than her former floor used to be, and it's what her face showed.

Ekko crosses his arms and looks at her with an arched eyebrow and annoyed look, as she frowns and seems upset by how soft the damn bed is.

“Is the bed ok?” he asks, but it's more like a snap, really, cause seriously, he can't put up with this girl’s disdain.

“Don't like it.” she snaps back and she throws him a disgruntled look, and he just narrows his eyes at her.

“Sorry to hear that...”

She groans and presses her hands on the blanket like she's testing the mattress, then she lets her back fall on the bed and grunts. 

She puts her hands on her stomach and starts scrapping her nails one against each other, and her eyes go from one point on the ceiling to another like she’s piercing holes through it with bare might.

“Do you want... to take a shower or something?” Ekko asks, this time gently, because whatever her childish attitude, he still has to make her feel safe so he needs to suck it up.

She'll come around. She'll get better. The attitude won't last. Or at least, the very traumatic and demanding attitude of a seven year-old won't. The sulking and smug and bitchy attitude of Powder would, eventually, come back when she'll come back to her senses. It's not like Jinx has ever been the most mature woman he's ever known.

She doesn't answer, and he bites down his lip looking at her skinny legs wondering what she's thinking about.

She really looks like a child, being so skinny again, floating inside his jacket like this.

He puts his shoulder on the cupboard and keeps his arms crossed, sighing as he watches her in silence.

She's thinking a million thoughts by the second, he can tell by her eyes that keep drifting to different spots on the ceiling, but he doesn't know what to do or say for her to stop overthinking, he just knows he doesn't want to leave her alone. 

Cause her eyes are teary again, but she doesn't cry.

The silence is deafening for five long minutes, and the only noise comes from the incessant clinging of her dirty unpainted nails that she keeps scratching on each other like she wants to rip them off.

“Is there music?” she asks suddenly, turning her eyes towards him, and Ekko is taken aback by the fragile tone that almost felt like she was begging for a positive answer that would mean the world to her.

He uncrosses his arms and runs a hand through his hair, feeling a bit uncomfortable under her look – cause damn, he was staring ok – and he stutters a bit when he nods.

“Sure, yeah.. There's some here.”

He goes to the desk and takes out a vinyl, placing it in the record player. Then he lets it play, and goes back to look at her when it does.

She's back at staring at the ceiling, and he just stays there, watching her while wondering what she's thinking. And if she’s remembering…

She doesn't thank him or anything, but when the music starts playing and he sees tears rolling down her temples and ending their course onto her hair, without her expression changing one bit from the desperate, lonesome face she's having, he sighs and goes to lay down next to her.

He does so very slowly, just laying his back on the mattress next to her like tasting waters, making sure she won't feel threatened by his closeness, but when he sees she doesn't react, he puts both his hands on his stomach too and stares at her face while frowning a bit, saddened by her looks.

She’s changed so much in four years. But as much as he could tell the ravages of pain, despair and loneliness on her extreme emaciated features, tired eyes and purple bags, she also looked younger to his eyes, since the last time he saw Jinx she was wearing make-up and her mask up onto her very painted lips that laughed maniacally at his incompetence of bringing her along with him on a brighter path than the one he powerlessly watched her take.

Her body was a mess, as much as her face - spotted with bug bites and mud spots - but under all that dirt and dust were her freckles and the pale skin of Powder wearing no make-up and it’s the image of her he held onto all those years, so she appeared to him much younger than she looked right now as he stared at her desolate features.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, wondering if he can take a bit of her pain away, but she just sniffles and closes her eyes to let the rest of her tears fall, and then she's back at staring at the ceiling with huge, focused empty eyes.

“I like the music...” she just says in a small voice, like she’s having a hard time spelling words, and Ekko swallows down his saliva looking at her hands on her stomach, and how she's pressing her fingers together as if she , too, was feeling small.

Just as small as they were when they were eight lying in that same bed, listening to the heavy angry voices of the adults below shouting at each other because one side would be exposing war-plans and tactics, while the other believed it was better to stand-down in means of bringing safety to the city and its families.

Powder would always end up tearing up at the elevation of the voices that would fill up the space, and she'd be remembered of the war crisis within her own former home where her late parents would sometimes forget about her and her sister and would spend hours with their teammates arguing war plans, and since Ekko knew she ended up losing them by the hands of the same enforcers and city they'd be arguing and screaming about downstairs, he'd put some music on so that their voices - and the awful memories - won't reach her. 

He'd lay next to her in the bed trying to set her mind off such things that their too young minds weren't supposed to worry about, and the louder the voices downstairs would get, the more Ekko would say stupid things in order to make her laugh - but it always failed, in those moments. 

Sometimes, she would manage to fall asleep, but he'd always stay next to her because he knew she'd just end up waking up in a start between two songs as she'll hear a shouting voice coming from downstairs again and she’d be frightened by it.

“Do you want me to put it louder?” he asks softly when he sees her eyes relax with her features, but she denies, still looking at the ceiling, pretty much awake.

“It's ok…” she whispers absent-mindly, and he just nods, looks down again, at her fingers, and he wants to hold her hand.

He looks at the ceiling too, and stays silent.

After a third song, he closes his eyes for a few seconds then looks at her again, wondering what she's thinking, and if she's relaxed now.

“I'm glad you're here now.” he says, and there's a twitch on her sunken cheek, like a spasm from an attempt to smile.

“It's not... so bad...” she answers, and he smiles, glad that the music made her change her mind.

“I'll bring you other cds if you want. You can listen to music whenever you like. There are no neighbors anyway.”

“Yes...” she just answers, absent-minded again, and he sighs, but from relief.

She's answering, at least, that's a good thing.

He straightens up but stays seated on the bed, turning to look at her, but she's still looking at the ceiling.

She's not scratching her nails anymore. Her hands are crossed on her stomach, relaxed. And he could swear her foot was even following the rhythm of the song just now.

“So, still want no food?” he tries again, and she looks at him absent-mindly, with those same huge unfocused eyes.

She barely denies, but keeps looking at him.

Ekko bites his lip and looks away, thinking, before going back at it.

“What about a hot bath?” he tells her.

After food, putting her under a shower is like his top priority right now. Of course he couldn't care less about her dirtying the bed or anything, but he was more worried about her injury and how she should clearly clean herself in order to have a better health. He wants her to sleep tight, in a warm bed, cause she most definitely needed some rest, but that would definitely be better if she was cleaned up first.

His first attempt surely had been a failure, but at the mention of a hot bath, she straightens on one of her elbows and looks at him with a bit of curiosity, and a spark of hope.

“Hot water?” she asks in a small voice again, and Ekko frowns a bit, his face tensed in a pained expression.

“Yes, I fixed the water before bringing you here, and I added a heater. It's really warm. Warmer than in the rest of the Undercity.” he repeats, and smiles, and she does the same as she follows his previous move and sits on the bed too, trapping her hands between her thighs like she's trying to warm them up.

He gives her a sad smile as she nods, and his heart aches when he stands up and goes to turn on the bathroom’s light.

He's afraid her mind is more broken than he thought. He could swear he already told her that he'd fixed the water so that it gets hot when they entered the room, but was she having short-memory or something? Or was her mind split, like in multiple personality disorders? He already heard stories about that, and he wonders if that's how her mind worked now? Maybe she had different personalities that would register different kinds of information, but won't manage to tie them up together when one personality took control of the other?

Ekko sighs and throws these thoughts at the back of his mind. Maybe was she just too overwhelmed by information and things to process to care about him talking about hot water. At that moment, it wasn't what she was focused on, and it wasn't what she needed to hear to keep her away from her anxious thoughts, so she didn't listen to him. That's probably why she didn't get what he was saying. Now, on the other hand ; now that she was relaxed, and that the adrenaline was cooling off making her feel the cold, talking about a hot bath was probably more interesting to her mind. 

And he'll make sure to follow with offering food.

Again.

“I show you?” he offers when he sees she's still seated on the bed, with her hands clenching at the mattress like she's afraid of moving from her spot, and she's looking inside the bathroom with two sparkling, curious eyes like she's both excited and fearful of what is waiting for her there in the other unknown room, and he’s a bit worried by her attitude he has to admit, but he keeps it to himself.

She stands up when he's offering her to follow and he can't help but feel stressed when he sees how shy she suddenly seems, and he feels a bit awkward himself when he shows her the bath and the products he's put there for her in case she'd accept on following him back to the Undercity. He thought of bringing the strict necessary in here since this place will be inhabited again, but he surely wasn’t expecting her to come with him so soon, so he still had some stuff to bring in and fix for this place to be comfortable enough to be called a home.

She doesn’t really seem to be hearing his words though, and her gaze just absent-mindely follows the things he’s moving around. She seems more focused on the bath itself and the slightly rusty tap especially than the products he’s showing her.

“You do remember how it works right?” he asks with a humorous tone hiding the worry in his voice, cause she's acting so weird he wonders if she does remember how to bath – cause damn she couldn't even remember how to comb her hair last time so... he's a bit worried – but she nods many times, apparently excited, and he watches her a few seconds wondering what's up with her.

Probably was she happy about - finally - cleaning herself up, or combing her hair, he doesn't know, but he's happy for her too so he smiles a bit, relieved. 

She sits on the rim of the bathtub and touches it like she’s testing the material, and he watches her pursuing his lips, with his hands on his hips.

She seemed happy. But like... stupidly, childishly happy, for whatever reason. And once she's done caressing the bathtub, she just clasps her hands one against another and slides them between her legs again, looking up and smiling timidly like she's content.

And she’s staring at him silently like she's expecting him to do or say something.

Ookay. Right.

He snatches the hairbrush he stole from one of the firelights (Erin's definitely gonna be pissed at some girl for stealing her hairbrush in the showers but it's not like she couldn't find another one or would ever guess he was the one to have stolen it) from the cupboard and hands it to her.

“Here. New hairbrush.” he tells her, and she seems so delighted he feels his heart skip a beat, because she just looks like he's offering her the present of her life.

Yeah he stole the hairbrush whose color was nearing pink the most, so what ? Move on.

The delight on her face and the way her eyes shine is worth all the trouble.

She’s overjoyed like a damn brat on its birthday when she acknowledges the present, and she giggles and quickly jumps on her feet to pace the room looking at the walls - until she finds what she's looking for and she goes straight at the mirror to start brushing her hair. 

Ekko chuckles lightly before he sighs in worry.

She is indeed limping a bit, and he wonders if she might have sprained her ankle on the rooftops earlier. He makes a mental note to treat her ankle later, after he’s taken care of that shoulder, because she definitely needs her wounds checked up as soon as possible.

He leans in the bathtub to turn on the water and make the adjustments then leaves it on so that it pours down enough for it to become hot, but he barely has the time to do anything other than that before he hears the brush fall onto the tiles in a loud thump.

He turns around to see what happened, but when he firstly thought Jinx might have just got the brush stuck in one of her many knots and would have made it fall out of her grip cause she'd have pushed onto it too much, he realizes the moment he sees her face that the situation could be much worse than he expected.

He swallows down as he approaches her, slowly, because she seems completely off again and he knows that when she's like that she's forgetting all about the world around her, and his presence even more so.

“Hey, Jinx... are you ok?” he asks, but he knows she's not.

She's looking at the mirror like she saw something that both startled and terrified her, and it made her freeze right on the spot before she staggered on her feet, oscillating backwards, and Ekko knows looking at herself and seeing what she's become must be as much of a shock to her as it's been to him when he ran into her a month ago, but she seems more devastated than horrified so he's a bit confused by her expression.

“Hey, it’s alright…” he tells her while putting his hand on her back, steadying her since she clearly seemed to have lost her balance from the shock.

“What...” she says but stops abruptly, jolting back like she's being slapped in the face or like she's having the hiccup, and Ekko worries, because she looks paler than normal and he wonders if she might throw up.

“It's ok...” he tells her softly, but she steps back, not looking at him, and he follows her eyes into her own reflection and feels pain when he sees how shocked and hopeless she seems, and he lowers his head a second when he realizes she's shaking.

“That's not... That's not me .” she stutters, and he bites down his lips, glimpsing at her reflection in the mirror again before gently putting his hand on her arm to try and ease her mind.

“It's ok... I know it must be a shock to you, you have been gone for so long... But you'll get better now..”

“No… no it's... Why are my eyes like that?”

He feels his heart skip a beat, then beat even faster.

Shit, didn't she remember? Well it's not like he could tell her why her eyes were like that, even he didn't have the details, but he knew it had something to do with shimmer. And probably the night they fought on the bridge. Certainly not two memories he wanted to remind her right now.

“It's ok...” was the only thing he managed to say, and it was a poor answer, he knows, and it of course wasn't enough, so she started losing it again before he could do anything about it.

He sees her jolt back and shake her head, before scratching at her eyes then throwing her hair out of her face in an angry gesture, and then she looks at her reflection again and she's angry ; mad at it or him or herself, he doesn't know, but in an instant she's tearing up and her fists are clenched and she looks at him like it's his fault.

“Wh- why am I looking like this? ” she asks him in a panicked, horrified and angry tone, and it's a strange mix of feelings, really, but it clearly shows on her face, and Ekko has grown to be an expert in analyzing Jinx's features with all the times he checked her up just to be sure she won't freak out on herself or the situation or the world and just toss a bomb at one of his friends.

Which she did, unfortunately most of the time, and many times he's blamed himself for not having been able to see the subtle changes in her eyes in time to warn his friends of the danger that was coming their way.

This time around he was the only one putting himself in danger though. But as much as his guts tried to tell him to be carefull, he would do it all over again if he had to.

But he doesn’t know with certainty how to deal with this. He’s always been smart and he always had that thirst for knowledge that lead him to read all different kinds of books which’s knowledge wasn’t necessary for anyone living in the Undercity like him, but he just had to know all the things he yet didn’t, and he’d read those books like he had something to prove ; that he too, was a human being just as capable as those rich folks who had all this knowledge at their hand’s reach but didn’t even realize the chance they had to have it.

He’s read and learned many things, but there wasn’t a lot he knew about broken minds and how trauma might affect a person. All he knew he had lived it through the people around him and his own painful experiences. He’s known pain and abuse and life and he’s gone through it analyzing as much as he could in order to gain experience and lessons from it, but there was no one in his life that was as broken as he knew Jinx to be, and he could only hope he had the knowledge and strength necessary to help her heal. 

But right now, seeing her ; seeing how shattered and unsettling and sorrowful her soul and mind seemed to be, he could only assume what’s going through her mind and try to ease her turmoil as best as he could, from memory of his past with her and his knowledge of her mechanisms only. And mostly, with care and gentleness.

She was acting like a child since he met her in that place. She retrieved into the deepest depths of her mind into a traumatic state that seemed to be one of a scared, feeling unsafe, very young child, and he could only guess she hadn't seen her own reflection at all in those four years living in that junkyard.

She thought she was a child ; that was probably the main problem here. Looking at her very own, very adult face - the way she looked like a mess, a pale ghost of what she used to be and what she forgot , she ever looked like one day, must be one hell of a shock. So he puts himself in her shoes, and tries to soothe her stress.

“Jinx, you've been living in that place for four years... It's ok.. you'll clean yourself up and everything will be ok...” he tells her gently, trying to make her understand she didn’t have to judge herself so hard, but she retrieves from his hand and looks even more horrified when he tells her that.

“No… No it's not, it's not that..!”

She recoils and her back hits the wall, and she suddenly gets angry at it, telling it to back off, and even though she didn't address him directly, Ekko steps back on instinct.

“I don't remember. I don't know. I don't know” she mumbles, crosses her arms around her belly as she puts herself in the corner of the room, but from where she is she can still look into the mirror, and Ekko sees her glare warily at it looking even more angry at her own reflection.

“Jinx, it's ok..” he tries again while he approaches slowly, but she shakes her head violently at the same moment and closes her eyes before she suddenly screams, so loud it startles him and he backs off.

He stands still on his feet, puts his hands down and looks at her with a pained expression, and he sees her lean forward like she’s having a stomach ache and she whimpers in agony as she starts crying.

“I have the same eyes as him.” she whines and then she sobs, before letting out a desperate lamentation while she tightens her arms around her belly and digs her nails into her skin.

Ekko wants to approach when he sees her straighten up and breathe with difficulty between her sobs, but he jolts a little when she does too and he wants to say something again to calm her down, but she doesn’t seem to be noticing him at all.

She looks at herself again, into her own eyes, and when Ekko sees her move suddenly and take the brush from the sink he thinks she's going to try to brush angrily at her hair or something, but instead she flips it so that the handle faces forward and she violently hits the glass, shattering it to pieces.

“DISAPPEAR!!!”

“Jinx!?”

The brush falls out from her hand as the strength she's put into it was too strong, and he tries to stop her but she's taken it back from the broken-glass-filled sink before he could, and she hits the mirror again, screaming at it to leave her alone and hurting herself in the process.

He grabs her by the waist to force her into letting go of the brush, but has to push her away from the glass when she tries to hit at it with her fist instead. The more he tries to calm her down, the more enraged she gets, and Ekko figures she doesn’t even seem to be realizing she’s fighting him so he grunts and strongly grabs her arms to force them into a stilled position. 

He wraps his arms around her belly from the back as soon as she starts agitating and holds her with all his strength as she keeps screaming into the room. 

He drags her away from the glass, but she doesn’t even seem to be realizing he’s straddling her, too busy trying to kick the sink and shouting incoherent words from the bottom of her lungs like an enraged animal.

“Jinx–stop.”

She screams and pulls against him so hard he has to lift her up from the ground, and it's really not hard for him to fight her cause of the dead-weight she weights, but when she throws her feet back on the ground and suddenly flinches from her ankle twisting she cries out both from pain and anger, and he has to force her back up and shout at her too so that she hears him through her screams.

“Calm down! The fuck is wrong with you??”

She screams at him to leave her alone and starts hitting his stomach with her elbows as she tries to shift him with her weight, but when Ekko holds her tight by the shoulders this time and doesn't let go, she starts making incoherent noises and loudly breaks into sobs.

She tries to escape his arms a few more times but when she realizes all her efforts to squirm out of his grasp are useless, she stops fighting and tears suddenly have her weak, making her legs collapse and he has to follow her into the ground cause he’s afraid she might still find the strength to stand back up and hurt herself if he lets go now. 

He sighs heavily, his heart beating like crazy as he puts one arm on her collarbones and tries to sooth her with his thumb, hushing her into a more steady breathing while she sobs and whips so much tears he wonders if she’s ever gonna be able to bring them to a halt.

When he feels her calm down after long minutes where she started breathing hard and kept sniffing loudly, he finally lets go to grab her bleeding hand and assess the damage.

“For fuck's sake, Jinx..” he sighs before looking at her, catching her upset and teary eyes and he sighs again when he sees the pain and confusion in them, but no hatred towards him, so he thinks she’s at least calmed down enough for him to feel safe. 

He helps her up from the ground and he figures she must have hurt her ankle because she grabs at him to steady herself and looks like she's physically in pain now, on top of the mental break-down she just had.

“What the hell happened?” he asks, and she denies his words like she doesn't want to answer but that much he expected.

He meant right now just like he’s wondering what the bloody hell happened to her four years ago, and maybe is she thinking the same thing right now, cause she clearly doesn’t seem to be in any sufficient mental state to give him an answer either way.

She's shaking like a leaf and still crying, but her mouth is tight in a thin line as if she's trying to keep the words bottled up inside to hold in the sobs, and he worries, wondering if she's not just going to faint at some point.

He helps her to the sink and opens the tap to run water over her hand, and she grabs the edge with her free hand to steady herself as she seemingly has little strength left in her mind and body to be able to hold on to reality. She twitches her fingers and tries to withdraw her hand when he takes out a piece of glass from her palm but he forces her hand to stay under the water, and lectures her with a disapproving look that has her eyes avoid his when she meets them.

“Keep your hand there. I'm coming back.”

She nods in a whimper and he goes to grab the medicine kit from the cupboard in the corridor, and when he's back in the bathroom she's staring at the wall through the remains of the broken mirror and her face is distorted by pain and tears again.

He sighs in worry and takes her hand out of the water, glimpsing at her with saddened eyes.

“What happened?” he asks as he puts alcohol on her hand, and she doesn't react to the pain, but instead his question makes her think something painful, and her head drifts to the side as she closes her eyes and flinches and frowns and whimpers like the thought itself is bringing her much more incommensurable pain than the cuts.

He frowns some more and feels his heart ache as he watches her feet rise with a shudder, like her legs and body and mind can’t take in the question, nor the incommensurable painful thoughts it’s bringing back to her, to the point of having her whole body fight against it trying to shake it away.

She just looks like a child doing so ; one that would be in pain and would be throwing a tantrum because he’d fear the pain of the treatment on his wounds, and Ekko’s fucking hurt and confusd on top of the already pre-existent worry he's been feeling for weeks now.

He glimpses at the broken pieces of the mirror when he hears her walk on it as she seemingly hurt herself again and had to put her foot back on the ground for balance. She lets out a weakened lament that she then holds back in her throat by clenching her teeth on her lower lip, and he feels his heart stir when he sees new-formed tears roll down her dusty cheeks as she stutters the words she's apparently trying to tell.

“I.. I don't want to see his eyes” she quavers, and the moment she starts explaining, she sobs straight away and Ekko has to hold her when he sees all her body jolting like she's about to fall.

“Hey, it's ok, it's ok...” he says on instinct, feeling her grab at his arms like she was literally going to crumble on her feet, and he wonders if she's not going to faint for good.

She suddenly weighs more than she seems, and he figures she barely has enough strength to stand on her own cause he has to put in a little more effort into bringing her up in a straight position.

He eyes the bloodied trails on the sink, and figures she hasn’t got enough strength left to steady herself for him to be able to clean her hand, so he drags her to the chair on the side and sits her there - quickly squatting down in front of her to hold her trembling knees in a reassuring manner. She’s shaking like she’s been immersed in freezing water for too long, and she clearly looked like she was about to faint from the amount of emotion she seems to be feeling.

“It's ok... just breathe..”

“How long… have I been like this...?” she sobs, and he frowns, not really understanding what she means.

“I dunno..” he answers, not really sure if she meant her mental state, her mess of a hair, or how weak she feels inside.

“How long have I been gone?” she asks again, and Ekko can't really tell if she's talking to him or to herself seeing the mad look of terror in her eyes, but that question alone makes him stressed, cause it seems to him that something in her is awakening, and he's afraid it might be too soon.

“For almost four years...” he answers, feeling nervous.

She shakes her head slightly and closes her eyes, and then she breathes but definitely not like he was trying to make her breath in order for her to calm down. 

She breathes-in suddenly and sticks her breath inside her throat just as violently, and then she's sobbing again, hyperventilating and shaking like a leaf. It's raw, sudden and loud, like she's taking her first breath after having been forced under water, and her body starts shivering violently like she's having hypothermia – which she could, Ekko realizes in an horrified jolt – or like she's a bloody child scared to death by something to the point of pissing themself.

She lets out a pinched whimper that looks like one of a wounded animal, and her eyes are suddenly wide, focused on the side, before she looks at him like she's just realized something awful.

“I.. I've been gone so long..!” she manages to say, and Ekko frowns a bit, not understanding why she's freaking out about this, but he hushes her down gently and rubs her legs cause she just looks like she’s freezing, shaking like that, and he denies with his head to tell her it's ok.

“It's fine.. You're fine, everything’s gonna be fine” he tells her in a comforting, more cheerful tone, cause he heard her tone was slowly coming back to one of a child’s, and he figured talking to her like this had worked back in her lair, so maybe it would soothe her now.

She shakes her head in denial and her eyes drift to the side, looking at the walls, and she keeps denying with her head as she breaks into more tears.

“I didn't want to... I didn't mean to leave..” she says with a shaky voice, staring at the walls, and Ekko has to put his hands on her face to make her face him again and focus.

“It's OK , Jinx. You're here now, it's what matters. You'll be ok.”

She lowers her head down to ignore his words and sobs again but this time grabs at her hair, bringing it to her forehead to hide her face and pulling it violently while groaning and Ekko has to take her bleeding hand in his own for her not to hurt herself more than she already has.

“Jinx, stop it...”

“He must be so worried.. He’ll get so mad..” she whimpers and Ekko frowns again, keeping her hands in his, on her knees, and pulling slightly at them so that she doesn't scratch her skull with her nails again and he's fucking hurt , and lost, seeing her like this.

“It’s ok.. It's ok, he won't be mad.” he tells her, but really, he has no fucking clue what he's doing or saying here.

He doesn't even know what she's talking about, what she's thinking about, but he just knows he has to make her calm down before she hurts herself more or hurts him for trying to help her.

“I need to find him.” she says and looks up at him with red, scared and guilty eyes, and when he meets her eyes Ekko gives her his most reassuring face and look, and gently brushes her hair, nodding in a comprehensive way.

“Sure, we'll find him, don't worry about it ok? But first you need to calm down and get a little rest, yeah?” he tells her with a little smile, trying to set her mind on something else, and she nods in agreement, like his words are medicine to her wounds, and he smiles again.

He slowly brushes his thumb on her forehead to wipe off the blood she's stained herself with when she threw her hand up there and he helps her up, slowly dragging her into the room so that she doesn’t step on the broken glass that fell on the floor. He notices she's limping for good now, and he thinks she might have sprained her ankle for sure.

“I...I need to tell him...” she says, like she's trying to make him understand, or to explain herself, and suddenly, Ekko thinks he starts to understand, and he tenses.

“Y-yeah..? It's alright. We'll tell him... later..”

“No, I need to go before he worries. I'll be safe there.”

Ekko stops and makes her turn around by slightly pulling at her shoulders, and then he looks her in the eyes, and sees how lost and hopeful she feels.

Shit. 

Shit shit shit shit shit. 

How was he going to fix this?

“You... Hm.. You know where to go ?” he asks carefully, swallowing down his saliva, and he's holding her steady by the shoulder both to help her stand and both for her not to freak out on him or attack him cause this conversation might really get dangerous for them both right now.

Her eyes drift to the side, and she seems to have the hiccups again, and her mouth opens but she doesn't say anything. She just seems even more lost, he can tell by the way her eyes lose focus and she lowers her gaze to the floor and seems lost in her thoughts, but the previous hopeful expression in her iris quickly turns into a desperate, hopeless one, and she seems like she's devastated again.

He tilts his head to catch her eyes to pressure her gently into finding an answer, encouraging her into the memory, but he secretly wishes she’ll just move on to another trail of thought cause now , he can clearly tell : whatever happened to her these last four years, she was clearly not ready to remember it.

“I... I know the place... but I need to tell him I'm.. I didn’t mean to… He’ll understand.. I need to tell him that.”

“Yeah... Fine, we... we'll find him later, ok?”

“He'll be very worried that I'm gone.” 

“I know…”

“But he’ll be glad that I’m back.. And that I… I’m ok?”

“Yeah... Yeah I'm sure he will...”

She frowns and crosses her arms on her belly to comfort herself, and since she seems to be closing up, Ekko takes his hands off of her shoulders to give her some space. He licks his lips to evacuate the nervousness, and looks at her as she seems upset again, looking at the wall.

“You're keeping me from seeing him.” she says suddenly, but she's not looking at him, more like she said that aloud, and he frowns, not understanding why she's mad all of a sudden.

“I'm not..? I just want you to heal yourself before you leave this place, and you said you didn't want to go outside so...”

She looks him up and down like he can't be trusted, and he shakes his head a bit, not understanding what's gotten into her. Eventually he gives her a sad smile, and brushes her dusty cheek with his thumb to whip away a tear’s trail even if she seems against the physical touch.

“Jinx, I won't do anything to arm you or cause you pain, I swear.” he tells her, and she softens immediately, to his greatest surprise.

He offers her a little smile when he sees her un-assured eyes meet his again and she avoids his look by looking at the wall behind him, and then she nods, shaking her head in a denial just a second after, but she's stepping to the side near the bath while doing so and mumbles something to herself and he thinks she's not denying... well, him? Fuck he doesn't know. He's tired of feeling his heart racing.

But he can tell, from the look on her face, and that expecting glimmer in her eyes, that she’s slowly retreating to a child’s state, one that was too fearful and lost to have the strength to fight him. So he sighs again and forces a little smile when she looks up at him with those eyes un-assuredly smiling at him in hopes he’ll give one back to her in order to comfort her.

“Are you ok?” he makes sure she won't freak out again, and when she nods, he forces another smile and nods in his turn. “Let’s clean yourself before seeing him then… a warm bath will do you some good… You don't want to show up after so long looking like this right?” he adds in a more cheerful tone.

She nods quickly, frantically like she’s in total agreement with what he’s saying, and he thinks she looks like a really small child again, cause he can tell by the sudden emotion on her face that she seems both worried and guilty at the thought of facing a parent looking like a mess cause that would prove she did something terrible like, making a whole part of a city explode, and she doesn’t want to be scolded for it.

She looks exhausted though. The fight she's put them through must have drown out the rest of her strength and he couldn't even imagine how exhausted she must feel after having lived in that place and ran for so long, and the emotional baggage she's carried up onto this place just for her to freak out again and again three times since she arrived? Just to end up bursting into tears and cries and screams at the mere sight of her own reflection? She was pale as a dead corpse, and Ekko could only guess she needed a meal, a warm bath, and a goddamn reparating sleep, cause she surely looked like she could faint any minute.

~ * ~

Chapter Text

Chapter VII - Standing on the Edge of Despair

She looks exhausted though. The fight she's put them through must have drown out the rest of her strength and he couldn't even imagine how exhausted she must feel after having lived in that place and ran for so long, and the emotional baggage she's carried up onto this place just for her to freak out again and again three times since she arrived? Just to end up bursting into tears and cries and screams at the mere sight of her own reflection? She was pale as a dead corpse, and Ekko could only guess she needed a meal, a warm bath, and a goddamn reparating sleep, cause she surely looked like she could faint any minute.

~ * ~

When he realizes she's still shaking, and shifting a bit like she's having a hard time just standing there, he sighs in worry again.

“So are you feeling ok for the bath? You’ll see, it’s very warm.” he smiles gently at her, rubbing her shaking arm cause he thinks she’s cold. “After that we’ll go eat something, yeah?”

And he’ll definitely have to give her some medicine and check her wounds before it gets infected.

She nods three times like she's relieved to jump to the more pleasant trail of thoughts he's offering her, and Ekko thinks she's definitely going back to her child-self again so he sighs but when he was thinking it to be a bad thing the days before, right now, he thinks it's for the better. At least she won't hurt herself when she's in that state, and he just needs to keep her mind focused on childish things and conversations for her not to remember awful things like, well, her three fucking fathers dying on top of all the rest of her family.

He sighs to evacuate some of his stress when he sees her look around like she's trying to remember where to fucking walk , and when he warns her to be carefull not to trip on her hair when she goes out of the bath later, he looks at her again and stop mid-sentence cause she's looking at the bathtube with nothing else than a literal horrified look of terror on her face and he wonders where her mind has gone this time.

“Hey, Jinx?” he calls her as she stares at the wall near the bathtub like she's seeing things written there, and he has to wave towards her for her to focus back on where he’s sitting on the bathtub, making sure the water was hot. “Are you alright?”

She doesn't say anything, just breathes heavily, and then blinks away then back at the bathtub and nods and he sighs, genuinely concerned.

He stays silent as he watches her approaching the bath, and she just stands there staring at the rumbling of the tap with wide, unfocused puffy eyes still red from tears and exhaustion, and he's about to ask if everything's alright again, and if she's afraid of the water or something, when she steps closer to the bathtub and walks on a broken glass that has them both startled by the noise.

“I'll clean this up.” he says when she steps onto another broken glass and it shatters under her weight, and she looks at him with a tired look like she's not understanding his words. “You... You block the siphon and get the bath ready, I'll be back ok?” He says, and she doesn't nod but slowly obeys like it's easier for her to focus on direct commands than her thoughts, and he sighs in worry when he sees her help herself with one hand on the bathtub’s edge to start taking her shoes off.

Ekko grabs the dustpan and short-handled brush from the corridor and comes back to the bathroom to gather the broken glass, but when he stands again after having thrown it away into the bin, he realizes Jinx is having trouble taking off her shoes and he bites his lip, hard, cause she seems to be in a lot of pain but her face, although agony pours from it, shows nothing more than resilience.

He watches as she helps herself with one hand on the bathtub while the other tries to take off her shoe, but when she doesn’t seem to be able to she winces and steadies herself in a shudder before trying it out with the tip of her shoe against the back of the second, but she loses balance again and whines some more when her foot hits the ground.

He approaches and puts his hand under her arm when he sees her waver again, and he helps her steady herself as she winces from whatever issue she's having right now.

“Here, go ahead.” he says, and she answers with a little whimper of agreement as she toes the back of her left shoe with the right one and only when she manages to take it off does Ekko understand why she's been struggling so hard.

He looks down at her foot and feels his heart go up and down violently, and he grabs her a little harder when she puts her foot on the ground and immediately feebles under the pain.

“I got you.” he instinctively says, and she whimpers again as she tries to find her balance. 

She lets out a painful moan when she tries to put her foot down, and Ekko has to keep her balanced once more when she flinches, and he can't help but sigh in worry.

“For fuck's sake, Jinx...” he sighs, catching her eyes and watching the pain and the guilt in them as she seemingly couldn't stand by herself. “Sit down, I'll help you.” he tells her.

She complies with a pained hissed and he helps her out of her second shoe, and helps her up again when he sees she immediately tries to stand on her feet.

He sighs again and glares at her with a disapproving, disquiet look that he couldn't help even if he tried, cause he was fucking worried, and she knew he was. She avoids his eyes by turning her back on him, and she hisses under the pain as she slides down the zipper of the jacket and struggles taking it off while standing on one foot.

She loses balance once more, and before thinking, his hands are steadying her one more time.

Ekko sighs and stays quiet, as he helps her out of the jacket and shifts the hold of his left hand to her right one so that she can get rid of both sleeves. He throws the jacket in one corner and immediately goes back to holding her arms when he sees her lose balance from where his hands were missing.

“Why didn't you say you were injured?” he asks, his tone worried throughout the blame, and she just sniffs from her previous tears and holds tighter onto his hand that helps her stand when she tries to move closer to the bathtub but loses balance through the pain.

“ Wasn’t.. feeling it anymore..” she whispers falteringly, and he lets out a sorrowful sigh, glimpsing at the wrinkled and bloodied skin of her foot when she lifts it to try and lower her pants.

She can barely walk, with how injured the palms of her feet are, so he helps her stand as she stands on one of them and tip-toe the floor with the other like she's having a broken ankle – which she probably has, he thinks while grinding his teeth, because the limp he thought to be from a sprained ankle must have been from when she wasn’t even feeling the pain anymore, but now that it was catching up to her, it was probably ten times worse. 

He's so worried right now he feels like punching a wall.

“Are you injured somewhere else?” he has to ask, because for heaven's sake, this girl is a dead man walking and she's always been so numb to the pain that she hardly ever knew how to take care of herself. For what he knows she could have four broken limbs that she'd just shrug her shoulders and tell him nah, I’m good and go back to chewing bolts.

She nods in a wail but doesn't give him a clear answer, he just sees the pain on her face and how weak she suddenly seems when she's trying to lower down her pants and can’t seem to manage to do so ; and there's despair and tears on her face all over again and Ekko frowns with the same feeling.

He looks at her and from where she's standing - leaning forward with her left hand grabbing at his hand while she tries to unstick the fabric of her pants from her leg - he can see how much her ribs show through her skin, all the way around her sides and back and apparent spine, and he feels his heart ache so much at the sight he wonders how many times it can break. 

He wonders how much longer she'd have kept on going at this rate. She probably won’t have made it through another year. And picturing her wounded, weakened dead body in some lonesome place out there, being eaten by the cold and the bugs just for its remains to be devoured by that beast until there was nothing left of it makes him sick ; and his throat tightens violently under the emotion as he sees her scars and apparent muscles stand on bare bones only like there was barely any skin left to contain the flesh.

“Tell me where it hurts so that I can help you.” he tells her in a worried tone, and she sniffs and whimpers as she puts her leg down, seemingly exhausted as she was keeping it up trying to undress with one hand but she wasn't managing to, and she sniffs again before laying down on the side a bit, taking strength from his left hand tightly holding onto hers to help her stand, and she points forward with her chin like she's showing him where her leg was just a second ago.

“E-everywhere..” she sobs, and Ekko doesn't answer, just bites his lips as he hears her break for good and start shaking from the tears, and he just helps her out of her pants because fuck embarrassment, fuck bondaries.

She's in fucking pain and needs help so he helps her, and she lets him. She steadies herself on his shoulders as he helps her out of her sticky pants and then he stands again, helps her turn around by holding onto her hand and he lets her grab at his shoulder with the other as she tip-toes the floor for balance. She sniffs her tears away and he looks away at the running water as she starts untying the belt under her top, using his hand and arm on her back as a back-seat while she unties it with shaking hands.

She turns her back on him again when she needs to make it go through the holds on her back and he slowly starts taking his hand off of her when he sees her find her balance, but he swallows down his saliva when he sees her stop taking the belt once she's reached her back and start fumbling through her hair on her neck to try and untie the laces of her top instead.

He sighs, grabbing the belt she's left there for him to finish the work and he takes it off the remaining holds, before letting it fall to the ground with the rest of her clothes. 

He helps her out with the laces when he hears her sobbing through the pain again, and the way she puts her hands down right away and lowers her shoulders like she's relieved he's taking over the task makes him sigh in worry and sadness even more.

“Are your shoulders hurting?” he asks when he sees all the tense that seems to have left her the moment she’s let them down, and she just nods in silence as she's shaking on her legs, trying to keep her balance on her wounded feet since he's not there to hold her anymore.

He sighs and finishes untying the laces that got entangled with her hair, backing off a bit once he’s done so that she can finish it up on the front, but staying close enough in case she'd fall.

She lifts her hands again to pull the laces from her neck, and Ekko approaches his hand from her hips when he sees her waver to the side, preparing himself to catch her if she falls, but she grabs it right away thinking he was trying to steady her for her to finish undressing and he feels himself blushing violently.

He looks away when she pulls at her top and leaves it fall to the ground, and he lets her steady herself with his hand as she takes off her underwear, but he has to look again when she looks out for his second hand in her back and he helps her step into the bathtub with caution while her feet leave bloodied marks on the white tiled floor.

Her hair is so dense and wild he doesn't see a thing anyway, but he still feels embarrassed by the whole thing. He tries not to think too much about it because she just seems in pain and like she's going to break any minute – be it her brain or her body, honestly - and if anything, he was more worried she’d get embarrassed and react badly and drive herself into another break-down and end up hurting herself even more so it clearly wasn’t like he had anymore room in his mind for any other kind of thoughts. 

She lets go of one of his hands to help herself sit on the rim of the bathtub, and he watches her with a pained expression as she flinches from the sensation of hot water under her feet. Her strength seems to falter a bit, but she helps herself with the rim and his left hand and finally sits down inside shaking like a leaf. 

Her voice quavers from whatever pain she feels and as he watches her, Ekko thinks she must be hurting from almost everywhere, given her movements.

“It.. it’s hot..” she quivers to herself, and Ekko can only guess hot water on bare flesh must be very painful, and he swallows down hard as he sees her drag her feet away from the little puddle of water the running tap leaves as it pours down on the left.

All the adrenaline was cooling off, and she must have been overwhelming her body with exhaustion and pain for far too long. It seemed to be coming back to her now that the constant survival state was starting to leave her bones, and that her muscles were trying to relax from the tense and stress.

He's still standing there, and he doesn't really know why she hasn't let go of his hand and just keeps it there, hanging on top of her shoulder grabbing it like she's afraid she'd fall again, but it's weird, and embarrassing ; but when he retrieves it, she doesn't say anything so he figures she might have just forgotten about it. He can't help but feel a wave of hotness and embarrassment in the way she sits in the bathtub though, cause she doesn't sit in a proper way and just sits there where he's helped her in, with her back turned on him and her face facing the wall. 

He assumes she doesn't want him to see her body so he backs off as soon as she's wrapped her arms around her legs, and absent-mindedly erases the slight sweat on his temple while breathing in – sweat from the fight and stress earlier, he wants you to note.

She doesn’t make a move, nor say anything. She stares blankly at the wall, blinking strongly sometimes like she’s trying to erase the feeling of her tears from her eyes or like she’s trying to process something, and he can tell she’s clearly in a daze, but it’s not like he could do anything about it so he just sighs and picks the hairbrush from the ground, putting it next to the products on the bathtub’s edge.

“I'll leave you bathe, you can call me if you need ok?”

“What… Why?”

“Huh..”

She's looking at him like she's feeling scared suddenly, and doesn't understand why he'd leave her like this, and he cracks his neck, closing his eyes.

“I... thought you might like some privacy?” he says, his eyes closed for a few seconds before he opens one of them.

She looks at the ground and seems tired and lost in her thoughts, then she puts her chin on her bony knees and doesn't say anything as she retreats inside her mind. She just looks... empty, honestly.

Ekko glimpses at the running water from the tap, wondering if she'll even know how to switch it to the shower-head one, and sighs. At this point, she might not even know how to switch temperatures seeing how she couldn’t even comb her own hair the other day, so he doesn’t really know what to do. If he asked her bluntly or started explaining it to her, she might take it the wrong way. He sure as hell wouldn’t like anybody to treat him like a child, but as much as she resembled one when she was acting like this, he didn’t want her to feel like he was mocking her state or belittling her in any way.

Leaning closer to the bath, he takes off his sweater – cause there's hot water pouring into the room for half an hour now ok, this has nothing to do with her being naked – and sits down on the floor behind her.

“Want me to help you with your hair?” he asks tiredly as he puts his elbow on the rim and scratches his forehead, trying to make sure she was ok with this, and she looks on the side like looking towards his face, but she doesn't look him in the eye, just acknowledges his presence, before turning her face away as she lies her head on her crossed arms on top of her knees.

She doesn’t answer anything clear, just makes a weird sound and he wonders if that was a nod, a whimper or a contained sob of some sort, so he frowns looking at her with worried eyes, but doesn’t say anything. 

He vaguely starts picking up stuff that is stuck in her hair, and that doesn't seem too entangled in it for him to be able to take it out. He ends up sighing and puts his hand down as he waits for an answer, his fingers entangled in his own hair as he steadies his head in the palm of the other. 

He looks at the blood traces on the floor, then the broken mirror in the back of the room. The clothes on the tiles, then the chair he had her seating on. 

He bites his lip as realization starts kicking in. 

It has barely been three hours that she’s here. And he’s already feeling as if his whole world got shaken by a hurricane.

He eyes the tap tiredly as he wonders if he should just turn it off to save water for later but he’s afraid she might take that as him being mad at her for making this night last forever so he doesn’t ; and just waits for her to stop crying - if she even was, which he could barely tell with the rumbling noise of the tap and her face turned on him.

“Want me to help you bathe?” he asks again, cause she clearly doesn’t seem to make any movement to do so herself, and he needs to know what to do here since she seemingly doesn’t want him to leave, but he doesn’t quite know if he should stay either.

She nods with a little shrug of the shoulders, and he waits a few seconds still in case she’d say something more, but when he doesn’t react she turns her face on her arms to glimpse warily at the water then at him like she’s checking he’s still the same person as two minutes ago and she needs to see if he heard her, and once she sees he did she goes back to laying on her arms with her face turned on him and she retrieves her legs to her chest holding them even tighter like she’s afraid she got him mad.

“It’s alright…” he sighs when he sees her bury her hand in her hair, and he gently takes her hand off of it so that she doesn’t hurt herself.

She goes back to holding her legs and lets out a small whimper, and when he thinks she’s crying again, hiding away from his eyes like this, he lets out another pained sigh and sits on the edge of the bathtub. 

He probably looked tired and annoyed when she looked at him, and that got her thinking he was mad at her.

He doesn’t know what she’s so afraid of. If she’s afraid of the water, the pain, or if she’s just too out of her mind to simply remember how to wash herself. Maybe she’s just too tired and hurt to have the strength to do so, and looking at the mess of the mane she’s found herself entangled with, he kind of understood why. Her hair alone was going to take forever.

He sighs as he turns towards the running tap. He leans in to take the shower head, switching the water tap to the streaming one, and gets it closer to her.

“Is the temperature ok?” he asks, and she straightens a bit to look at the shower head, before leaning her fingers towards the water emanating from it.

She starts shedding tears for real this time, and he's about to ask her if something's wrong when she nods to answer him and is back at holding her legs again, sniffing between her knees as she hides her face against them even further like she wants to disappear into her own skin.

He sees shivers on her arms so he figures she's cold, and starts pouring water on her shoulders. He hears her sob as her body moves to the back and she straightens a bit, apparently prefering to feel more water on her back than shielding her body from his view, and he frowns under the pain when he understands she's crying from the feeling of hot water on her skin and whatever painful things her mind must be thinking right now.

He watches as the water turns brown from the dirt on her body and painfully notices the redder, darker thin streaks that come out from under her feet every time the water would reach them and carry the blood that's pouring from her open flesh.

She didn't move and stayed still, her body and shoulders shaking like a leaf even though the water was so hot steam emanated from it, but Ekko knew she was shaking for her body was slowly releasing all the pain that was inhabiting it for so long she probably forgot it was there. 

The wounds. The tensed nerves and muscles. The exhaustion. The feeling of having to survive buried so deep inside her skinny bones that it became sharp as razor blades in order to keep her safe, but it kept wounding her insides in the process until the brain itself shut the information of pain away to be able to live through it.

He leaned a bit forward to see if she was ok and realizes her lips are trembling, so he brings the water to her ears and start wetting her hair so that she doesn't feel cold on the neck, and he watches her face ; her wide, focused eyes staring at the wall ; then rubs at the back of her shoulder to try and comfort whatever pain she’s feeling inside.

“Are you ok?” he asks in a soft voice, cause she seems in a traumatic state and whatever memory or through is passing through her mind, he knows it has left damage and needs soothing.

She nods absent-mindedly, three times, but she's still shaking, still staring at the wall in front of her, and still holding onto her legs for dear life while her nails dig into her bare skin leaving marks.

Ekko hands the shower head to her and tries to catch her eyes.

“Hold this... I need to grab something.”

She obeys without any sort of reaction other than taking the shower head and Ekko goes to the corner of the room to grab the chair, dragging it to the bathtub where he sets it behind her. 

He sits on it and sighs, ignoring the pain in his own back, and he leans in to see where she's put the shower head but when he sees she's holding onto it like holding onto a teddy bear, he lets her have it and grabs the showering gel instead.

She doesn't react when he starts rubbing at her back and shoulders with slow, cautious gestures, and she just stays there holding the shower head between her knees while she crossed her hands in front of it as if she was freezing, and Ekko takes a look at her feeling like seeing a child in a frozen land hold on to a spark of fire like it's discovering warmth for the first time.

He lets her have the heat so that she feels safe and comfortable and slowly brushes the foam with his free hand instead, getting rid of the dirty parts every once in a while before rubbing it again with the shower sponge when the dirt has sticked to her skin, and he can't help but glance at her with a pained expression every time he'd feel her ribs under his fingers and his heart would stir.

He slowly pushes her hair to the other side so that he can reach more skin and frowns when he sees scars on her flesh, some deeper than others, but fortunately mostly healed and not infected.

“How did you get these?” he asks as he brushes his fingers on it, and he sees her shoulder blades dig themselves into her skin as her muscles tense under his touch, and she whimpers slowly when she probably recalls what he's talking about.

She doesn't answer, but Ekko knows the answer anyway.

Most of her scars looked like scratches or cuts she might have gotten from falling or being scrapped down by junk and furniture, but the three, wider scars that he sees down her left scapula and that he couldn't get a good look at before because it was hidden by her top and her mane of a hair, were most definitely done by that beast. It looked pretty similar to the wound he stitched up on that same shoulder a few weeks ago.

He sighs heavily, and unconsciously rubs more carefully at her skin on that side. He looks at her and sees she's closed her eyes and rested her head on her fore-arms again, and even though her eyebrows were furrowed under the pain, she seemed a bit more relaxed. At least she wasn’t shaking as much as before, and probably did that steaming hot water trapped between her thighs and chest was warming her heart.

He wonders how many times she's been attacked by that beast. 

How many times she's neared death.

How many times she told herself that this was normal.

That she belonged there and that being attacked by a giant beast was trivial. That running for her life was trivial. That being hurt like this was trivial.

Daily. Normal. For fuck's sake, believing it was her fate . Her punishment for having done what she's done. For being who she was. For even being born.

He pours some more washing gel onto the showering sponge and rubs at her neck, clearing his throat to make the tears he's locked there go away.

“Raise your head...” he says gently so that she doesn't get foam in her mouth, cause she's laying with her head on her crossed arms, on her knees, and thus too close to where he's aiming to wash.

She opens her eyes and looks at him from a daze, and Ekko feels embarrassed for a second, wondering if she was falling asleep and forgetting he was there, but she complies and slowly turns her head to the other side, giving him room ro rub at her neck where he wanted to, and he does so while holding her hair out of the way, and feeling his heart race.

“I.. I can stop if you want, and you continue yourself?”

She lets out a little noise, and puts her head between her knees as she takes her hair and drags them closer to her on the other side, giving him more room, and he thinks she's crying again so he puts his free hand on hers where she's holding the shower-head, and takes it from her.

“It's ok..” he tells her, and lets the water run down her neck so that it clears out the foam and she doesn't feel cold, and even though he didn't ask her anything, she nods in answer and sniffs softly.

He cleans the foam and wets her body all over again so that she gets warmer, and then he gives her back the shower-head, and she takes it with a weak hand then grabs it with both and pulls it towards her so that it pours down close on her chest. She leaves her head up this time, and when Ekko looks at her and sees she's staring at the wall again, her face showing nothing more than true, deep sorrow, exhaustion and tiredness, he acknowledges she's slowly coming out of her traumatic state and realizing all that just happened, and he knows she’ll soon start retrieving into some better parts of her brain once she won’t be able to cope with herself.

He starts rubbing down her arm with the sponge, all the way down to her fore-arm and the top of her wrist, but she doesn't get the message and keeps holding onto the shower head, so he puts his hand on her elbow and gently pulls at it.

“Lift your arm?” he asks her, and she snaps out of the wall a few seconds, looking on the side like she's coming back to reality.

She straightens a bit and complies, and he doesn't look from where her chest isn't stuck to her thighs anymore and just meets her eyes a few seconds as she’s staring at him looking confused and like she hasn’t got one brain cell left to process whatever is happening. 

He looks away and just cleans her arm down onto her fingers, and when he gives her back her hand her fingers hold onto his a few seconds and it's so soft he feels like crying when she looks at him in the eyes and seems so vulnerable in how she withdraws it to herself, tearing up and looking like she’s feeling lost again, searching for safety inside his eyes.

“Everything's ok.” he tells her on instinct when he sees she's slowly starting to emerge from her break-down earlier, and he feels like seeing Powder behind Vander's leg all over again - thrown into the wolves and into a place she doesn't know, with a big guy with a hoarse voice talking like he'd shout threats - and she'd hold onto Vander's leg and onto his child's gaze for dear safety.

Powder always had this way of looking at the world like she was seeing threats in all its corners, but then she'd meet his eyes or Vi would fall onto her line of sight and she'd forget all about the danger she'd felt - and her eyes would lit up with hope and happiness and like she was safe , at last, and the sound of her cheers and relieved giggles would be the only thing that would warm up the hearts.

But now she didn't know who he was anymore. She would look at him with wary eyes like looking at a stranger and Ekko could tell in the way she looked at him sometimes that even though he’d been kind to her since he met her again back there, she still thought he might betray her at some point and that he would inevitably end up hurting her. 

But the way she looked at him right now just after their fingers brushed was like she was awakening from this feeling and realizing he might, actually, really be someone she could trust, and that won’t harm her unlike the rest of the world did. At least, he'd create enough of a new bound with her to make her know he wasn't a threat to her, and if her mind wasn't able to remember she could seek safety in him he'd always give his best to try and give it to her, he could at least pretend he could provide it to her even if she wasn't yet feeling it.

“It's all good.” he tells her again when he sees her hold the shower-head tighter and look at him with those eyes, and he goes back to soothing her tensed body with the sponge, trying to ignore the sting in his heart. “Everything will be alright, you'll see.”

She lets out a little noise that he thinks sounds like an agreement, so he feels relieved.

He moves her hair again and she helps him, or at least she thinks she does, and as she pulls it towards her like a fox pulling its tail to its belly, it's so long that it comes off of the floor where most of it was laying and ends up sliding on the rim and being soaked in the bath – wich he was, actually trying to avoid.

He sighs and doesn't tell her anything, just grabs at the fluffy ball of knots and dried hair and lifts it from one side to the other, biting his lip when he sees most of it has stuck to her side, shoulder and chest now that it’s west.

“Pow.. Jinx, can you move your hair so that I can wash your arm?” he asks her, cause she's holding onto it like it's reassuring her, and, well, it is stuck to her whole left side.

She straightens her face and looks up like she's trying to understand, and he feels embarrassed again when he sees her looking at him like that.

“You can... Here.”

He gently takes her left wrist and lifts it, making it slow enough for her to understand what he's doing and when she does, she withdraws her hand from his and brings it back to her, shielding herself by sticking her chest to her fists and legs again.

He looks at the wall and thinks, before looking at her again, and she looks back for a few seconds, seemingly confused, before looking down on him and then on her, and then she starts un-sticking her hair from her skin, and he swallows down not overthinking this as he helps her hair out of the way and to the other side.

He lets her grab it bit by bit and pull it towards her on the other side like it’s reassuring her, and once he's made sure she stuck her breast to her legs again he starts rubbing down her other arm and this time around she lifts it once she feels him rub down behind her elbow without him having to tell her anything.

When he reaches her hand and slowly start making the gel foam on it though he hears a sniff that leaves her wheezing, and when she sobs suddenly he realizes she's looking at him like a child who's feeling sorry and grateful and like falling apart at the seams all at the same time and he wonders if he's hurting her. His face is sorry too when he looks at her with a jolt the moment he realizes why she might be in pain.

“Shit I'm sorry, did I hurt you?” he asks as he turns her hand around, looking at the cuts she made herself when she broke the mirror earlier, and he rubs his thumb through it to see if there was any broken glass left in the wound and if he didn’t dig it deeper into the skin with his rubbing.

She shakes her head in denial and turns her face away to rub her cheek on her knee, and then she withdraws her hand and holds her legs again, sniffing loudly as she starts closing in.

“N-no..”

“Then what is it?” he asks gently when she doesn't continue, but she shakes her head and doesn't answer anything other than a whimper, so he sighs while she buries her head between her legs to hide herself once more.

He rubs her shoulder smoothly to let her know it's fine if she doesn't want to say anything and he grabs the shower head she's left in the bathtub to rinse the foam off her skin.

“It's ok...” he tells her gently, like a mantra he's getting used to saying aloud whenever he'd feel her get overwhelmed. “It's going to be alright, we're almost done.” he reassures her.

She keeps sobbing and he sighs, trying to ignore his heart as he tries to focus on the task. Once he's done with the foam, he straightens his back to ease the pain in his muscles, and when he comes back at some foam he's forgotten on her ear, she lifts her head to breathe and sniffs again.

“Th-thank you..”

He stops and looks at her, and she looks at his face with trembling lips, before breaking into a loud sobbing heap like he’s never seen anyone break before. He doesn’t say nor do anything as he watches her burry her face into her arms again, and he wants to hug her or comfort her but his throat is tight in a knot and he doesn’t fucking know what to do. 

Her cries echoes through the bathroom, and while she tries to hold them in, she digs her nails into her skull and entangle her hair even more, but he barely has the time to keep her from doing so that she’s already drying her tears and catching her breath violently, before sobbing some more and going back at holding her legs like she knew she had no choice than to keep going.

He doesn't know what to say, but he tears up violently. He gets closer on the chair and to the bathtub and he brushes her hair with his fingers so that it straightens down behind her ear, and he sniffs the tears away while rubbing her neck and he has a hard time locking the emotion inside his throat as he keeps rubbing at places that are already clean but her hair is so dirty the water just won't stop being stained.

“You don't have to thank me.” he finally manages to say, and he sees her tighten the hold on her legs as she turns her face on the other side like she wants to hide from his voice. “You'll get better soon, you'll see.”

She nods in a strangled whine, and he feels his heart clunch and waver when he knows his words are reaching her somehow and that's all he ever asked for.

He wets her hair a bit more and realizes there's not much more he can do for her so he wipes his jawline on his shoulder and sighs to evacuate the emotion, before leaning again and handing her the shower head.

“I'm going to have to let you finish by yourself now...?” he says, and she slowly lifts her face up and looks at the shower head with reddened eyes.

She looks at him and Ekko feels his heart stir again when he sees the exhaustion and the pain in her eyes, but he smiles at her, as sad as his smile can be.

“Are you going to be ok?” he asks again, and she lowers her gaze where the water runs down carrying the dirty foam before looking at him, then at the door.

He follows her gaze and straightens in a sitting position, giving her space.

“I'll be right next door if you ever need me, ok? I'm not going anywhere.”

She nods slightly, and he gives her the sponge, and when she takes it he sees her chest and immediately throws his hand onto his eyes.

“Shit ; S-sorry. I didn't mean to look.” he cringes from the embarrassment.

He stands up then peaks between two fingers.

“You're hiding..?” he asks carefully and when he sees her nod slightly, he takes his hand off and sighs. “Sorry.” he repeats as he smiles nervously and gives her an apologetic look. 

She's back at having her shoulders brought up to her ears like she wants to shield herself from the world between them but she's not really hiding like she was before, she's just sitting there, holding the running shower head and sponge between her chest and knees and she doesn't seem embarrassed at all. Curious, at most, like she doesn't really understand what just happened or why he's apologizing.

“I'll.. leave you to it then. I'm right here.” he reassures her, showing her the bedroom, and she puts her head on her knees again, not answering a sound, and, well, he should take that as a nod? She seems tired honestly.

He gives her an awkward reassuring smile and leaves.

He sighs for dear BREATH when he's out of the room.

“Don't close the door..?” he hears, barely a scared whisper, when he's about to close the door, and he feels his heart skip a beat.

“I'm right here.”

He nearly opens it full again, but when he sees she's straightened almost entirely and doesn't seem to be caring about hiding her body he stops and looks at the floor, just showing her that he's there.

“I'll leave it open.” he tells her.

She doesn't answer but he knows she heard, so he leaves the door hanging loose and sighs again, before crashing onto the bed and putting his fore-arm over his head.

This was going to be so, so much harder than he thought. 

He could already tell that helping her would be ten times harder than what he’d imagined, or what he'd already been through with former shimmer-addicts he helped off the streets. 

Drug-addicts weren't the same. They were surely one hell of a pain to handle with when they were fighting their addictions, but with drugs, the thing was that once out of the system, the person would at least be able to talk, think and answer properly, with all their right mind. The hardest part was finding the slightest trace of will within them, and making it grow and spark enough for them to be able to hold onto it and fight the want and need and engage in the true fight that followed once they managed to get sober.

Because that was the problem with addiction. Sometimes the drug itself wasn’t at fault. It was the things people tried to run away from in the first place that was the problem. The un-healed traumas. The unbearable pain and memories. The realization. The indifference of the world that surrounded them and that had been hushing down those pains and cries into non-existence.

Finding the will to survive in a world that they cautiously decided to run away from because it was hurting them was the true fight. How to find a new hope to hold onto, when all hopes have already left you and you’ve sucked out to the bone every possible spark of hope before that?

For Jinx, it was all of that, plus so much more at once. The hardest part with her will probably be that it was her mind itself that was slipping off her grip. It wasn’t just shimmer that obscured her thoughts, nor the want and addiction that would drive her into sabotaging her own recovery… It was the thoughts themselves that chose on disappearing.

Her mind was , the enemy. 

The thing that by shielding her, was breaking her.

How could anyone engage in such a fight, when the fight was against one self, and could break us entirely in the process?

Self preservation. That’s what humans and any living creature would do.

Self-preserve. And that’s what she did.

Pulling her out of those primal self-preservation instincts will be so, so damn hard without her risking to just snap out of her own existence in the process…

And she already tried earlier tonight.

He drifts away in his thought for so much time he barely notices he's not hearing anything else other than his own thoughts, and it's only after almost half an hour that he realizes the water is still running at the same pace than before, but there was no noise indicating Jinx was at all moving under it. 

He started worrying, and wondered if she was ok.

He himself had curly hair, so yeah sure, there was no way in his entire life he'd end up with as many knots as she did, but he at least knew the sound a brush would make when brushing into knots – be it onto soaked hair or dried ones – and he didn't hear it once since he's left her there, so he started worrying she'll run out of hot water in there or fall asleep.

“Jinx, are you alright?” he asks through the room, but there’s no answer, so he stands up and goes to knock on the door. “Jinx? I'm coming in, ok?”

He pushes the door thinking she might have fallen asleep, but she's awake. Barely, but pretty much awake.

She's in the same position as before, staring at the white tiled wall in front of her, her arms wrapped loosely around her legs. 

And she's completely out.

She turns to him with no other expression than one of deep true tiredness, and if her body wasn't so obviously weak and exhausted, Ekko would swear she was tired of life itself.

Under the bright light of the bathroom's ceiling, her pale skin shone from the dampth, but even though her eyes were shining just the same from their unnatural color, there wasn't a single spark of life inside them.

She lets out a weak noise in the tone of a question, but he can’t help but feel his heart stir when he sees no other reaction than that to him calling her name like she doesn’t even realize he’s come back inside the room, because she’s staring at the floor, and haven’t even looked at him for more than a split second.

Ekko lets out a pained sigh, and approaches not caring about her body anymore, as she seemingly didn't seem to care either. She's left the sponge and the brush and the shower-head on her side and he could tell she didn't even try to brush her hair, cause it was already getting dried from the water he's wet it with earlier and he notices she didn't even wet her body again either.

He leaned his hand into the water to check if it’s still hot and when he feels it's getting colder but is still warm enough for it to warm up her body, he sits back on the chair and wets her shoulders so that she doesn't catch a cold.

He doesn't say anything ; just wets her body everywhere he can, and when he sees she doesn't seem to care about him touching her again – quite on the contrary even, cause he could swear he saw her muscles relax and her face getting more tired when he started soaking her again and she felt hot water on her skin – he realizes she doesn't seem to have strength left to move herself, so he gently grabs her by the shoulder and pulls her towards him so that he can wet her legs too. She doesn't react besides looking at her curled-up hands on her knees with a tired, absent-minded expression, and he eyes her worryingly.

He wets them thinking she's cold, but when she seems taken aback by the sudden water flooding her fingers, he looks at her with a worried expression and she looks right back, looking utterly confused.

And her eyes are back to those of an empty broken shell again.

“Are you ok?” he asks softly, and she looks up at him tearing up without saying anything, and he searches through her eyes in hopes of finding what's making her break down like this, but he can't find it and he frowns slightly as he wipes her tears. “It's going to be ok.” he tells her in a comforting whisper.

She slowly turns her head towards the wall and breathes out heavily like breathing itself is such an effort it’s agonizing, and she sloppily wraps her arms around her legs again while tears silently roll down her cheeks. 

Ekko swallows down, trying hard to ignore that knot in his throat as he watches her ; how hopeless she looks, how tired she looks. He can’t take in that sight so he tries to ignore it, buries it deep inside his memory barely seconds after it’s been created.

He grabs the sponge again, rinses it and fills it up with shower gel, then gently pulls at her chin so that she'd turn her face towards him. He holds her jawline so that she keeps her head up then catches her eyes, trying to reach out to her mind where she can understand him.

“It's going to be ok. Close your eyes” he tells her, and she does so after having read his, and he cleans her face gently while he helps her hold it up by pressing his fingers on her chin, cause she seems too tired to even keep it lifted.

He grabs the shower head again and gently brushes his fingers on the side of her temple, making the foam go away with her tears as he brushes his thumb on her cheek, and when he sees her open her eyes when he's running down water on her jaw he hushes her softly and rubs her cheekbone again.

“No no no, don't open your eyes yet. It's almost over.” he tells her, but she doesn't comply, and just looks at his face, like an empty-shell with big glowing emotional eyes, and even though she's cried a thousand times tonight already, she still seems to have tears to shed cause he can see her eyes shimmer from pain and not their color only.

He sighs, cleaning her of the foam and eying her worryingly wondering if she's going to pass out or if she’s just stuck in traumatic memories again.

She looks at him with that same expression she had back in her leir, when he was cleaning her shoulder and she had looked at him from up close and stared at his face like she was trying to figure out who he was and why he was helping her. She seemed just as lost and confused as curious, and it again felt to him as if he was treating an abandoned animal that was too wounded to escape, but who was, despite the fright, appreciating the treatment because it knew somehow that it was to help his wounds heal.

She stays with her head up even after he's let go of her chin and she keeps staring at him, but when she sees him take the sponge from the bathtub she follows his movement tiredly until she can't see his hand anymore, and her head goes back at facing the wall as she lets her chin rest on her knees, seemingly too tired to keep her head lifted.

She lets him wash her like her body isn’t hers anymore and Ekko can feel she's got no strength left in her, not even one bit, because everytime he would press his hand onto her skin – and he's being very, very gentle and careful in his movements – he can feel her body move to the same direction his hand is pressing onto like he's a hurricane wind and she's a feather caught between trees. 

He has to hold her still with his other hand, and unconsciously brush his thumb on her shoulder in a reassuring pattern as he makes back and forth motions on the outer-side of her thigh with the sponge. He rubs at the inside of her neck where he's not cleaned her yet when he's done with her thighs and lowers his moves down as much as he can on her chest, then on her knees and her legs where he can reach her, and then he takes a deep breath and looks at her hair, feeling exhausted at the mere sight of it.

He cleans her of all the foam and rinses her body entirely, and when he's wet her body all over again so that she feels a bit warmer, he turns off the water to save some for later. 

He grabs the conditioner pot, brings the chair closer to the bathtub, and spreads his legs for better balance and less back pain ; then he looks at her hair again and bites his lip wondering where to start.

He sighs deeply, brushes his forehead with his forearm to keep one of his dreadlocks out of his sight, then grabs the first strain of hair from which he can see the tip. He starts putting the conditioner between the knots and tries untangling it with his fingers, but when he realizes it's barely working, he adds twice the amount he's first used and sighs again, eying Jinx worryingly.

“You know.. we might have to cut your hair Jinx...”

She doesn't answer, but he knows she's awake, cause she's put her head on her resting fore-arms on her knees and he can see her eyes are open, even if she looks like she's fighting off sleep with bare might.

“No more.. cutting...” she whispers, and he just looks at her for a few seconds, before glancing down at her hair where he's soaking them with the conditioner and he wonders how much would be left of the poor girl's former gorgeous hair once he's done with all those knots.

He gets rid of the broken hair that ended up entangling itself on his fingers and takes the hairbrush, slowly working his way up the strand.

“Why did you keep it that long in the first place...” he asks but mostly to himself, and he's relieved when she doesn't seem to hear him, cause he's not sure he could handle another breakdown right now.

He remembers her breakdown back in her “safe place” in the dumpyard just because he asked her about her tattoos, so maybe her hair wasn't a subject he should bring to the table, even if he knew how much she loved it.

Thinking about that made his heart ache. Cause how much of herself had she decided on abandoning, for her to not even have taken care of her hair all those years?

He managed to untangle a few knots and could separate the left side of her hair in small sections, so he slowly pushed the rest of it to the side and eyed her to make sure she was still awake, but her eyes were closed and she seemed asleep. He sighed sadly and went back to it, pulling gently at the knots so that he wouldn't wake her up.

It takes him almost fifteen minutes to finish half of the left section, and after having straightened his back and shoulders, he sighs deeply and takes the conditioner again to add some more to the next strands. 

But the move makes a noise that startles Jinx and she wakes up in a halt, looking at his hand with wide, wild eyes like she doesn't fucking have a clue what's going on.

He holds his hands still in the air, one holding the brush, the other the conditioner, and looks at her with wide eyes just the same.

“Everything alright. I'm untangling your hair. You were asleep.” he tells her, and she looks him up and down for a second, before tightening her arms around her body looking uncomfortable, and he swallows down his saliva and sighs in relief when he sees she seems to remember where she is and with who and therefor won’t freak out on him.

Damn he was in no shape for another break-down of hers right now. And for heaven's sake he wasn't fighting a naked Jinx with a crazy lion's mane ready to strangle him either. No Ma'am, he'd rather slip on foam and bang his head against the concrete floor.

“Everything good?” he says, and he wanted to reassure her but it came out more like a question, really, cause fuck she really stratled him right now.

She nods and seems embarrassed and confused, and she turns her face on him again, so he sighs and goes back at her hair trying to ignore the fact his heart is beating like crazy and bitch he swears once she's regained some health in her bones no way in hell he'd ever go through that again.

“Why were you pacing out like that earlier?” he asks when he feels she’s calmed down from the sudden start, and she shrugs her shoulders inwards after a few seconds, not giving him an answer, and he sighs again when he sees her closing up.

Silence falls upon them once more, with only the steady rhythm of him brushing her hair filling the room, but when he sighs again, she speaks.

“I...”

He looks at her when she stops, and he waits, but she doesn't speak for at least ten seconds and he thinks she won't speak again so he keeps brushing the knots, but her voice seemed so broken and fragile right now he brushes it more gently, like he's trying to make himself forgiven for his previous thoughts.

“I liked when he brushed my hair...” she says, her tone so low he almost doesn't hear, but he does and he feels his heart quicken and stir and he's feeling a shiver from chilling sweat run down his spine.

He swallows hard and doesn't answer, hoping she'll just move on to something else, because she is in no state to have a break-down right now and neither was he. He's afraid she might really end up fainting or hurting herself if she drove her last weakened strengths onto something as physically and mentally exhausting as a break-down, and he doesn't know how much more he could take today.

It's been a really long, physical and mentally exhausting day.

“I liked it... so much...”

She's crying again, and he feels sorry for her when he sees her break apart once more as she starts shaking from the sobs she's trying to hold back in her chest. 

Has she remembered ?

Despite him trying to block the memories away, he remembers Vander, and his own heart waver at the thought of the man. 

He liked spending time in the Last Drop, especially on cozy, warm summer afternoons when Vander would take a day off to spend it with the kids. He’d close the bar for the day and they’d talk and play games and music for hours in the dimmed, obscured space, and Powder’s laugh and Mylo and Vi’s bickering would fill his heart with joy. Claggor would be praising Vander’s guitar skills on the little scene on the left, his coarse quavery voice covering all the others, while he’d be tinkering with some toy Powder would have broken in the afternoon and that he’d have set his mind on repairing for her since she had nothing else on her mind than giggling stupidly at every snap her sister would throw at Mylo. And he’d watch her smile, then glimpse at Vi’s proud grin, then Mylo’s baffled expression, and he’d mock him silently too, before Powder would stare at him and smile at him and they’d grin mockingly, understanding each other without words.

On days like these, he’d witness little family moments those five dearest persons to his heart would spend together, and Vander braiding Powder’s hair on the wooden benches would be one of them, and she’d look so content and peaceful in those moments that he thinks to himself, life has never been anything but unfair to her for giving her such moments just to rip them out of her with the violence of a hammer blast.

He deeply wonders, how much more has he been oblivious of her pain all those years?

“I liked it so much...so.. so much…” she whispers on repeat, lost in her pain, and Ekko frowns, forcing himself not to look at her and trying to stay focused on the knots.

“It's ok...” he says vaguely, trying to reassure her, but she doesn't seem to listen to him, and she keeps speaking through her sobs.

“He's not here anymore.. He’s go-gone...”

He bites his lips, staying silent, but after a few seconds of reflection, he lets go of the hold.

“... Who is not here?” he asks, wanting to make sure she's talking about Vander, but she could also mean Silco.

Maybe if she remembers him like this, it will better for her. Maybe if she sadly acknowledges the fact that he's dead, and mourns him for being gone, it's better than if she suddenly remembers her killing him and that pain being one of the reasons she's definitely lost it and decided she'd live like a monster among monsters. 

Maybe it was for the better if she cried him now. Remembered now. Him and all the others and all her family and how she believed she Jinxed them all.

He felt his eyes tearing up with hers.

Cause he understands now, that she’s been in that traumatic state for four long, lonesome years, and hasn’t yet acknowledged the fact that yet another person she loved had died.

He could take it. A last break-down for tonight and she’ll be alright, he’ll take it for her.

“My.. my dad... He's not there anymore...”

He looks at her and bites his lip, snorting suddenly to hold the pain in as he keeps brushing her hair so that she won't acknowledge his reaction.

Shit, what dad, Powder? The three of them are gone.

“I miss him so much...So.. so much…” she laments again and her voice is so broken Ekko feels he's about to cry too, so he straightens a bit and clears his throat, soothing her hair by brushing it to the side of her head.

Fuck it. He can’t take it anymore.

“Hey, I'm here, brushing your hair right now, don't you like it?” he tells her gently, and she snorts weakingly, rubbing her nose against her wrist.

“I do...”

“See ?” 

She sniffs again and he resumes brushing her hair, this time more gently and more close to her skull, so that she feels he's here, and that she's not alone.

“I like brushing your hair too.” he comforts her.

She moves her legs a bit closer to her chest and he sees the tense leave her shoulders a bit, so he keeps on :

“Maybe he's gone but you still have your beautiful hair being brushed by a cool guy, isn't that great?” he says in the same gentle, cheerful tone, and she nods in a strangled voice.

“It.. it is…”

“See?” he cheers, his smile showing in his tone.

She smiles and sobs or giggles, he doesn't know, but she makes a weird noise and it's a mix of despair and child-like relief after the too-much weeping.

“I like when someone brushes my hair...”

“Yeah?”

She nods more cheerfully and he sighs, heavily, but prevents it to be too obvious so that she doesn't hear.

She's a child again, entirely. He heard it coming and he just knew. 

It was probably for the better.

“I'll brush your hair anytime you want then.” he tells her, and she closes her eyes and smiles against her knee where she's resting her cheek, and she rocks herself slowly.

“I'll ask him to brush my hair too when I see him.” she says on that same innocent childish tone, a bit from the noze because she's cried so much tonight, but there's some joy in her voice, and he feels his fucking heart break when he sees her retreat into false hopes and fantasy when she was almost starting to aknowledge the truth just a few seconds ago.

But no way he’ll be the one to inflict her this kind of pain ever again.

“I'm sure he'll be delighted to.” he tells her, on the same reassuring tone, and she giggles cheerfully, lifting her head up for her joy to have more room.

And she’s happy at the thought.

And this time, he cries.

* * *

Chapter Text

Chapter VIII - Colourless

He's given up on her hair for tonight and wrapped her in an old cotton bathrobe in which she seemed like floating into but she looked more clean than he ever saw Jinx look these last fifteen years.

It wasn't like he would notice these kind of things – well who was he kidding, of course he did, but it was more because of his piercing sense of detail, give him a break – but every time he'd come across Jinx's path these last years she'd either be covered in ashes from her bombs, grease from her tickering, paint or crayon from her artistic delirium hobby, or so many left-over make-up he would have sworn the girl just put make-up on her face just to cry on top of it then add some more then slept it off then cried on top of it all over again without ever taking the god-damn black khôl off of her face.

He hasn't seen her that clean and with no make-up on in more than a decade, and when she looks at him from where he's seated her on the bed, he really has a hard time drifting his eyes off of her cause he just feels like seeing Powder but with pink, glowing un-natural eyes looking at him like she’s expecting something from him, and it’s unsettling.

He remembers he promised her snacks when she started freaking out a minute ago when he told her he had to treat her feet so that it doesn't get infected, and she had backed off so abruptly she fell onto the ground because her legs were too numb from the seated position for her to remember she could barely walk on them, so he snaps out of his bafflement.

“Ok, well… I'll get you the snacks.” he tells her and she looks at the bed without caring for his uneasiness, quickly climbing it up onto the pillow where she rolls herself in a ball and seemingly appreciates the feeling of laying there.

He sighs and goes to get her the snacks, and when he comes back she's curled in a fetal position, her arms wrapped around the bathrobe and her belly, and she smiles at him like she’s just patiently waiting for him to give her the collation.

He hands her the bag and she opens it without thanks, then quickly starts swallowing them down.

She lets out an appreciative ''hmm'' then rolls on her back, staring blankly at the ceiling as she eats.

He looks at her worryingly, a bit annoyed too, and sighs from exhaustion. He grabs the medicine kit, and taps the mattress next to him.

“Hand me your foot.” he says, tired, but would she care and calmly comply to give him a break? Of course not. She's always been a little sh- 

She withdraws both her feet to herself and bends her knees so that her feet stay behind her hip.

“No.” she frowns at him, not stopping to eat her snacks however, and he sighs in annoyment.

“Please? I got you the snacks~”

“I don't like someone touching my feet! Your hands are cold. And it's gross..”

“Come on Jinx, we've already discussed this. You're wounded. We have to put cream and bandages on it.”

“Won't do!” she brags while looking at the snacks she's holding, cause she knows he won’t force her into it cause he’s been too kind to her and she’s a wounded spoiled brat, and damn he feels like hearing Powder again, and that damn smug of hers.

He's too tired for this shit.

He throws the cream on her legs and lays down his aching back on the mattress.

“Whatever, just do it yourself then!” he sighs, and she throws the cream back at his face, and he throws it towards the wall angrily before throwing her a death glare.

She frowns back looking shocked from the angry gesture and he groans, closing his eyelids and facing the ceiling again before putting his forearm on his eyes.

He wants to curse at her, but he doesn't and hopes she doesn't smack his face with her foot or something. But she doesn't. Probably is she too hurt to do so anyway.

She finishes the snacks and when he hears her put it aside he looks at her again, even if he's still mad.

“Do you want to eat something else? I can make you something more consistent...”

“No.” she snaps back angrily, and then she turns her back on him to emphasize her sulking, and he sighs again as he faces the ceiling and closes his eyes.

“Fine.” he mumbles, and he's sulking too cause man. He's tired.

He stays there for a few minutes, trying to gather enough strength to stand up and get that damn healing cream back, but when he feels he's falling asleep he opens his eyes before he drifts away and turns to look at her.

“You should get under the covers...” he says more gently, because he's calmed down but also because she's back at wrapping her arms around her belly and he doesn't know if she's doing this because she always does this when she's uncomfortable or if it’s because she's cold.

She doesn't answer nor move, and he steadies himself on his elbow to straighten his neck and check if she’s asleep.

Oh hell, she seems to be. He watches some more, and confirms it. Demon's asleep.

He sighs and slowly stands up, taking the cream from the floor and coming back to the bed to sit next to her curled up body.

“Jinx...?” he calls, shaking her slightly, but she doesn't move an inch , and her mouth is open and her face relaxed and she seems to be in such a deep sleep he wonders how tired she was to have fallen asleep so quickly.

He drags himself onto the end of the bed and carefully lifts one of her ankles to put her foot on his lap. He sighs as he assesses the damage, cringing at the sigh of the reddened flesh under her foot. The skin has been damaged to the point of ripping apart, and probably has she kept walking and running on these to the point the damaged flesh had glued to the fabric of her shoe and it was less painful to just let it like that than ripping it off and walking on heated bare flesh all over again.

He tries to put the cream with caution, but he can tell how inflamed and hurtful that must be from the sudden movement of her foot the second he touches it, and even though she's soundly asleep, he can barely touch her without her reacting to the pain.

Eventually she wakes up and drags her foot away from him, and she groans at him as she sits down on the bed keeping her feet close to her.

“I said no!?” she shouts, looking shocked and angry, and he can't help but sigh heavily.

“Jinx, we have to treat it. You're literally walking on bare flesh!”

“I don't care! It hurts??”

He hands her the cream, looking sorry for her, and he sighs while his tone become more gentle :

“I know... I know, ok? You can do it yourself if you want, but we have to treat it..”

“I said NO!”

She shoves the cream away and he runs a hand through his hair, sighing heavily before taking back the cream from the floor.

“Don't make me force you... It will be better for you if we treat this now before it gets worse. Also I didn’t have the time to properly clean this place, I don’t want you to get an infection.”

He lets her sulk for a moment, and stays silent as she clenches her fists under her crossed arms and keeps looking on the side like a moody brat.

He lays down on his elbows to get closer to her, and when he catches her eyes, he gives a little push of his shoulder on her lifted legs.

“What's a little pain huh? You've been through worse than that.”

She avoids his eyes and looks on the side sulking, then she shrugs her shoulders.

“Yeah..?” she mumbles, and he gives her another push with his shoulder.

“The cream will help you heal. Then we put on some bandages and there.. Good as new.”

She looks up to the ceiling like he's talking nonsense then looks down on him, still sulking.

“I'm not stupid... I know it won't heal right away.”

“Then better treat it while we can.” he tells her and she sighs and groans, but takes the cream anyway.

“Fine.” she growls, and he smiles proudly as he retreats from his position.

He sighs tiredly as he watches her open the tube and start pouring some on her foot, and he gets up to go to the bathroom. He comes back with the clothes he brought for her earlier this week, and puts them on the bed.

“Here. It's mostly an old sweatpants and sweater I used to wear but I'll bring you better clothes tomorrow. Thought you might want to sleep in warmer clothes than the bathrobe...”

“I'm fine like this.” she answers sounding annoyed, like she doesn't understand why he'd want her to wear something else, and he scratches his neck not knowing what to tell her.

“Well.. Ok..” he just says awkwardly, wondering if she was feeling warm enough with her wet hair and the probably damp bathrobe but he doesn't insist, and puts the clothes aside on the desk's chair.

She flinches a bit when she covers her other foot with the cream and he looks at her with a saddened expression, only guessing her pain.

“Are you hurt somewhere else?”

She doesn't answer as she seems too busy applying the cream, her fingers trembling in anticipation as she approaches the most damaged parts where the reddened, open flesh is inflamed and must be really painful, and he frowns in empathic pain.

She throws away the tube when she's done applying the cream and Ekko arches a brow at her when she puts her back on the wall and crosses her arms to sulk at him.

“What did that cream ever do to you?”

“It hurt!” she snaps dryly and he sighs, holding back a smile as he looks at the poor tube laying on the floor.

“Fine.. I'll get a better one tomorrow. I’ll try to find one that doesn’t sting.”

He taps the mattress in front of him and she throws her leg there, giving her the foot, and he starts bandaging it as he sighs some more.

He glares at her like she's a child making a tantrum, and she looks away sulking even more cause she knows she is.

“Sure you don't want anything to eat?” he asks while he bandages her foot carefully, and she groans a denial.

He shakes his head a bit, but doesn't say anything and silence falls upon them. When he looks at her again she’s looking at what he’s doing while frowning, and she seems thoughtful. She meets his eyes, and doesn’t look away this time.

“Why are you helping me?” she asks, like she doesn't understand why he's kind to her or bothers with her in the first place, and he can't help but frown, wondering what she's thinking about.

“I don't know... I guess.. I don't like seeing people in pain. I want to help them if I can.”

“I didn't ask you to.”

“I know.”

She sulks again, and looks on the side before looking at his hands then at his face and when she meets his eyes, she looks away and sulks some more.

He smiles as he finishes bandaging her foot.

“The other.”

She shifts her position and brings her bandaged foot under her thigh, and helps herself with her hands so that she can come closer and give him the other.

She pouts as she looks at him wrapping the second bandage roll around her foot, and when he looks at her again, she looks up too.

“I don't need you to take care of me.” she says again, but there's no blame in her voice, nor anger. She just seems utterly confused by the whole situation, and he smiles genuinely.

“I know ...” he repeats gently, smiling heartily as he leans in a bit to catch her eyes, and she looks away looking like she's really confused by the whole concept of him treating her gently without expecting anything in return.

She seemingly seemed to have been alone for too long to remember what kindness or care even felt like, and the best comparison that comes to him is the wounded puppy he found when he was a kid and who he had a really hard time, with the other kids, catching so that they could treat his wounds.

Eventually the puppy ran off once it was healed. Wild animals in Zaun never really stuck around, no matter how good you were to them.

And even though Jinx was no animal, there wasn't a single soul he knew wilder than hers. 

Wild like a hurricane wind slipping through the beginnings of a tornado making it grow bigger and faster until it became even more devastating than it was supposed to be and eventually wrecked everything in its path.

He sighs discreetly as he goes back to bandaging her foot, and when he lifts it up to wrap the bandage around her ankle, she flinches and puts her hand on it as if it hurt.

“Does it hurt?” he asks and she nods, frowning.

“A bit...”

“Is it your ankle?”

He carefully moves it around and she winces more abruptly, moaning from the pain, and he apologizes while cringing.

“I think it's broken…”

“I-I don't know..” she answers, her expression, however, showing nothing but pain.

He takes the second cream from the medicine kit and goes back at her ankle, taking off a few rounds of the bandage so that he can add it there.

“Do you remember spraining it?” he asks and she nods slowly, holding herself on her hands as she lets him manage her ankle.

“A few times...”

Ekko sighs again, and he massages her ankle with the cream before resuming the bandage, hoping the cream will ease the pain during the night. She must have broken it a while ago and probably become numb to the pain, but now that she was starting to relax and cooling down from the eternal runs and climbs, her body was starting to make her feel all the places it's hurting.

It was a good thing, everything considered. It meant she was on her way to heal, physically at least.

“Does it hurt somewhere else?” he asks again but she looks away, her shoulders down as she's being grumpy, and denies with some sort of throat grunt while her lips stay closed in a sulking pout. 

He gives her an annoyed look. 

“Are you sure?” he insists and she makes a nervous move with her hand as she lifts it angrily and lets it fall back on her leg.

“I don't know…! I can't really tell where it hurts anymore…” she says in a quick-tempered tone, and he sighs heavily.

He finishes bandaging her ankle then lets his hands hang in the air, palms facing the ceiling.

“Give me your hands” he says.

She doesn't ask why and just does as she's told, and he notices she complies quite every time he's given her a direct order, or at least used a tone that was more demanding.

That could help, if that was what worked for her to act reasonably. Maybe the fact that she was retrieved to the mind of a child was what made her comply easily like this, like she didn't even think about picking a fight, but it would definitely be helpful if she was more inclined to calm down when he asked her to in that tone. He'll surely save that for a time she'd try to hurt herself – because he was pretty sure a time like this might come back at some point.

He takes her wrists and moves them around, staring at her face to see if she'll flinch, and when he sees her do so and try to retrieve her left hand, he takes it with both and lifts her wrist a bit.

“This one hurts?” he asks, and she nods silently, cringing at the pain.

He takes the cream and gets another bandage ready.

She looks at his face looking like she's gonna curse childish swear words at him for being so obstinate – and making her say she's hurting – and he looks at her with an unimpressed, annoyed look as he bandages her wrist.

She doesn't say anything and just looks away grumping and he can't help but sigh for the hundredth time tonight as silence falls back on the room for a few instant.

“You have bruises and scratchs all over...” he tells her, trying to make her understand her body is a fucking mess and that she has to tell him the places it hurts, but she doesn't seem to want to aknowledge her weakened state, or maybe it's the fact he's taking care of her that makes her feel weak, and she sulks the whole time, complying against her will.

Once he's done with her hand she retrieves it right away and crosses her arms again, looking away as she bumps her back against the wall. She retrieves her feet to herself and slides them under her ass, quickly withdrawing into a sulking position. 

He looks at her with an exasperated expression, his whole body posture showing the same sentiment.

“Where?” he asks again, pressuring her, and she crosses her arms some more and looks on the side even more as if to not look at him.

“I'm not hurt.” she tells him, but even though she's sulking and looking upset, her voice is now sounding guilty, and he knows he'll get what he wants.

“Where.” he repeats, and she frowns some more avoiding his eyes as she takes a breath and stores it in her cheeks.

She scowls at him defiantly when he leans his head forward to catch her eyes, but even though she doesn’t give him an answer yet, he gives her the confident and patient look and watches as her resolve slowly starts to fade.

Ekko has to thank all his years of training on shimmer junkies acting like childs when they were in needs of their next dose  - grown-ass adults whimpering and crawling to their feets begging them to leave them be so that they could find some place where they'd get their dose and shoot themselves in peace - and he thanks all the orphans leaving at their base to whom he became one of the many parental figures to raise and teach them manners and human basics. It certainly made him grow a parenting tone. And it definitely worked on her when she was acting like this. 

No way he won't use it to his advantage.

So he just waited, knowing she was going to comply. And when she finally looks at the mattress again, somewhere between them – but thus, closer to him and his voice than the farest side of the room she was looking at before – he knows she's going to open up.

“My knee... hurts sometimes… I’ll just walk and there's like.. a jolt..” she says, the tone guilty but upset like she's talking against her will, and she looks at him like she's both sorry for not telling him earlier but also sorry to be hurt in the first place like it was ever her fault , and like she was also mad at him for making her say so and thus admit that she was weak.

He smiles to reassure her, and takes the cream again.

“It will help for that too.” he says, showing her the cream, and when she nods, he applies some on her knee and rubs it around. “You don't have to feel guilty about being hurt you know... It's not your fault.”

“I know it’s not my fault.” she defends herself, sulking again as she avoids his eyes and looks upset at the wall on the side, and he nods vaguely.

“Ok… we’re all good then.” he smiles, and silence falls upon them once again as he bandages her knee, and it's awkward cause bandaging her ankle or wrist was one thing, but being so close to her tight makes him nervous and she seems to be uncomfortable too like she too, for once, was acknowledging the intimacy.

He hopes she's not in need of bandages anywhere else, cause that was his last one. He'll have to get some more tomorrow so that he can change her bandages in the next few days.

“Hurting anywhere else?” he asks again, and this time, she doesn’t sulk and just looks him in the eye, and he just have to arch a brow to pressure her into not lying to him.

This time, he believes her when she denies.

When he stores away the medicine kit though, she speaks again.

“Just...”

He looks at her, arching his eyebrows, and she looks away again a few seconds before speaking again.

“I have itches.. on my legs... It itches a lot at night..” she tells him, and he looks at her legs, where he's spotted the bug marks and the many scratches he thought were coming from furnitures or stuff she'd passed by during her climbing in the junkyard, but now he knows she just scratched herself till it bled, and he gives her a sympathetic smile.

“I'll buy you a cream for that too. But it will be ok now. No bugs will bite you at night.”

She nods, and for the first time since she got here, he can see all the hope and reassurance in her eyes and features.

For the first time she seems to feel safe, or at least like she's acknowledging the fact her life will have some improvement. He can't believe she felt that from knowing she'll be safe from bug bites alone, but still he was glad she somehow seemed to be acknowledging the fact her life was changing for the better.

He smiles at her, shaking her knee very slightly in an attempt to soothe her stress.

“No big wolf. No damn cannibals. No weird noises at night. Everything will be less stressful now.”

She nods and looks away, before slowly retrieving her legs towards her and burying her feet under her butt again as if she was trying to shield them from the cold.

“Can I have a snack?” she asks, and he's surprised by the guilty tone again, but smiles anyway, nodding.

“Sure.”

He goes to the kitchen to get her a pack of snacks and when he's back she looks at him like he might be a menace and she's unsure if he's setting her a trap for her to fall in, and he has to be slow and cautious in his moves when he sits down on the other side of the bed and hands her the bag.

She thanks him this time, in a low, unassured tone, but it's still an improvement, to him anyway.

He watches her as she opens the bag and starts eating, throwing him glances from time to time, and he wonders why she felt like she's not safe around him whenever he'd leave her more than ten seconds and when he'd get back she’ll look at him like they hadn't seen each other in days. It's like she was surprised every time he would actually show up again. Like she’d thought the moment he left the room that there was no way he'd come back. Like he'd promise her something and won't keep his promise and pff, what? Say he'll bring her snacks right away and just walk out the door and never come back?

Every time he'd walk into the room it felt like she had been leaving a full week entangled in so many thoughts and visions she'd just forgotten all about him and the rest of the world, and would have a hard time coming back to reality when his reappearance will bring her back to it and she'd realize only two minutes had passed.

He sighs and runs a tired hand through his hair as he watches her chew the snacks, the sweety ones this time, cause he somehow felt that sweets was what she needed at the moment to feel comfortable. 

He can tell in the way she chewed slowly while looking blankly at the window that she's feeling safe again, and thus had let go of the defensive-mode, but she had retreat into her brains once more, probably to a part that was calmer and happier than the rest of its shattered pieces. She’s seemingly lost in her thoughts, so he knows she might not answer with all her mind if he talked to her right now.

He's tired. Exhausted, even, so he lays his back on the bed next to her but keeps some distance so that she doesn't feel oppressed by his presence. He closes his eyes and sighs from the relief, cause his back was hurting like a bitch from all the brushing and leaning he did back there in the bathroom. 

He lets his mind slowly drift to sweet numbness as he hears Jinx feast on her sweets in the background.

He looks at her when he hears her hum softly, and his heart is beating again. He stares at her pink eyes that absent-mindedly follow the drops sliding down the window while she's lost in her thoughts.

He blinks away the tiredness, and watches her face with steady, pounding heartbeats.

He missed that face.

So damn much it hurts.

“Aren't you tired?” he asks, and she blinks at the wall, stopping her movement mid-way when she was going to put another snack inside her mouth, and then she's back to reality and looks down at him realizing his presence.

“Whut?” she asks, and he sighs as he swallows down his saliva.

“Sleep.. You were asleep just a moment ago. Don't you want to sleep some more?”

She looks at the snacks, puts the one she has in her hand in her mouth, and goes to search for another one.

“I'm not tired...” she says, and it's the tone of a child again, so he sighs a sigh so heavy but it doesn't release the choking hold on his heart.

“You should get some sleep...” he says sadly, but she doesn't answer, and resumes humming.

He closes his eyes again, sighs for the hundredth time, and clenches his fingers on his stomach.

Eventually, he's the one to fall asleep. 

He wakes up ten or fifteen minutes later, when he hears Jinx stand up, and he sleepily watches her sit on the chair and look at the ceiling like she's analyzing the place. He falls asleep again, opening his eyes from time to time when he hears a sound, and he sees her catch a bolt on the desk, making it roll on the wood, then catch a book from the desk shelves and fumble through the pages, and at some point, she's scratching the desk with her nails and he imagines she's drawing with crayons and he sees eight year old Powder drawing on his desk while he's on the bed reading and he drifts into sleep again, thinking the image is wrong, cause he didn't bring crayons here yet and she might be hurting herself scratching the wood with her nails but she's humming still so he thinks it's alright, everything's alright cause she’s here and she’s alive, and he's too tired and he can't seem to wake up anyway so they’ll be just fine.

But then he remembers there are things written on this desk. Engraved in the wood ; drawings, words, childish dreams of his and Powder's written by both their tiny hands and she might remember something and be triggered by it, so he fights sleep and wakes up, opening his eyes in a heartbeat to see Jinx is laying next to him, and is soundly asleep.

He takes a breath and blinks, glimpsing at the window to see light is starting to beam at the edge where the dust is letting it through, and his eyebrows knit from the migraine that suddenly strikes his temple.

He looks at Jinx again and rubs his eye where it itches, wondering how long he's slept.

He turns around on his back and looks at the desk, wondering about the last image he saw, and feels relieved that she hasn't freaked out on a memory while he was asleep. 

He looks at her again, and stays there not moving an inch, and it feels as if time stopped as he slowly emerges from the remains of his sleep and realizes many times that he’s forgotten to breathe.

Freckles. That's the only thing on his mind for almost twenty minutes. 

Thirty-four. 

That's how many she had. 

There were still some spots he didn't rub last night, so there was still a chance it was some stain or bug bites, and that would make them around thirty-nine or so, but he counted every single one of them and watched as they faded onto her cheeks and disappeared into her skin. Some were so tiny they could barely be seen, but she was so pale he could tell them under the skin ; how the little pigmented shadow there, was the indication of a faded freckle and was part of her face and her being.

He loved her. As blank, simple and bare as that, her face the same as he saw it grow, the same as it was when they were just 110cm tall. Pale and dusty and full of freckles and cheeks pink from the runs and laughs and the naps under hot covers in the dry winter cold on the rooftop where he had set his hammock just for her to watch the stars with him on winter nights, because those were the only nights were the wind would blow so hard during the day that it would make the oppressive fog of the Undercity covering their sky go away long enough for them to have a glimpse of what lay beyond. 

He'd never felt more warm and safe than on those nights where all the exposed parts of his body would be freezing to death and he wouldn't feel his toes and ears for a couple of hours.

They'd curl up under the same cover pressed against each other in the big hammock holding both their miniscule bodies, and her tiny hand would hold onto his for warmth and companionship, and from time to time, he'd start counting the freckles on her face lit up by the small gasoline lamp next to them, as she'd stare up to the sky counting the stars aloud in a childish silly attempt at making a point about her knowing exactly how many stars were there above their heads. 

Most of the time they'd end up falling asleep there, and would get scolded by Vi or Vander for staying in the cold for too long, and he'd get his ass kicked by Benzo who would tell him his parents had come looking for him in the shop and he was the one being scolded for keeping their child at work too late, when Ekko had been off work hours ago, just staying there for the sake of spending some more time with her.

He's had a crush on so many girls these last ten years just because he'd gotten a close look at their face one day and realized they had freckles. His first girlfriend had those too. And he never really understood why he’d grown a liking in this singularity until now.

He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. 

He'd never seen her up that close, in broad daylight, apart from a few occasions many years ago when they were still children trying to play adults. 

The sun was a rare sight in the Undercity, and in his memory, the only times he got a glimpse of it were with her, when they'd near the passerelle enough for the fresh air to reach their skin and fill their noses with salty, non-toxic air coming from the other side of the bridge. 

Their lives had them covered in dust and oil and mid stains almost everyday then. And he'd never seen her so clean and peaceful in his adulthood either. 

And it was one sight to behold for sore eyes like his.

They were nothing like adults when he thinks about it. But even then, he already knew.

He always knew he loved her. 

Powder, Jinx, that soul of hers. It had always been there, lying in his chest, lying between them, but as he woke up so close to her on that morning, he acknowledged how precious she was to him, and how much he doesn't want this feeling to go away anymore. 

He knows he'll probably end up being hurt at some point. He knows there's nothing much he can do about it, be it those feelings, or the fact they'll never have the freedom they so desperately craved for. He's accepted not having the happy-ending lovers usually expected years ago, but as he watches her relaxed, sleepy face right now, he hopes he can at least find relief in knowing she was going to be alright. A bit better, at least, would still be enough. He just needed her to be well enough for her to have a glimpse of what life could be like for her again when given the chance, so that she sees some future for herself and finds enough strength to hold onto something as thin as a thread of hope, in means to start climbing back the deep dark well she's let herself rot in all those years. 

He hopes he can give her that at best. A glimpse of what she could do, of what she could be, since she had forgotten how to be, herself. 

He'll help her remember. How precious was her life. Even if he has to let go of how precious his used to be.

He stands up in a sigh and stays in a seated position for a few more minutes, looking at the window and the faint ray of light passing through it, and he watches her again a few more minutes before pulling down the lifted part of her bathrobe to cover more of her legs. He then slowly pulls the blanket from his side and shifts it to cover up her body, and she moves a bit at the feeling but doesn't wake up. He leaves quietly and goes downstairs wondering how her first morning here will turn out.

He hopes she remembers and won't panic when she wakes up in an unusual place. He hopes she remembers him, and won't freak out when she sees him. He hopes for many things, as he makes himself some coffee, wondering how she'll react if he leaves for supplies and comes back later. 

He should be waiting for her to wake up before leaving, cause either way she'll freak out because he's here and it's a new environment to wake up in, or she'll freak out because he left her alone and she won't recognize him when he comes back. Either way, he should let her know he was leaving and coming back. And hope she doesn't run away or freak out when he does.

He makes a list of the things he has to buy and the stuff he needs to bring in order to cover up the windows, and once he's through his second coffee, he goes back up and checks on her, but she's laying flat on her stomach now and looks like she's having the best sleep of her life, with her body entangled in half of the duvet. 

Her hair is still a mess, and still has one side all puffy from the knots he didn’t entangle yesterday, but the untangled part is no better as it curled during her sleep and has entangled itself around her arms. He smiles and feels sorry when he has to wake her up, but he does so anyway, cause he has to get many things today and he won't be able to do it all with his hoverboard since some stuff were too heavy to be carried in the air, so it might take some time.

“Powder..?” he asks as he shakes her shoulder, but she doesn't react and he takes his hand off right away, sighing while cursing innerly when he realizes how he’s called her.

He really doesn't want to wake her up. She's probably having the first good sleep she's had in months, years even, and he doesn't want to ruin it all by making her feel unsafe again.

Maybe he should just leave her a note? he thinks, but he wonders if she remembers how to read – well she probably does, cause he vaguely remembers her going through a book last night when he fell asleep – but part of him tells him she couldn't even remember how to comb or shower – or maybe she did but she was just too weak to do so – but that could also have to do with the fact she was in an unknown place, so he doesn't know. Damn, he's lost and confused about what to do, and he's really afraid to leave her alone cause she might just run off or freak out or hurt herself again and that won't do either.

Screw the groceries. He'll go later if she wakes up and looks fine being left on her own. 

He lies down on the bed and curls up a bit to protect himself from the chill of the room, and he tries to go back to sleep.

He's so exhausted from yesterday that he falls asleep easily, even though he drank two coffees – not like the Undercity had any good coffees anyway, more like a failed attempt at reproducing the taste ; so it didn't have the needed caffeine in it – and when he drifts into the realm of dreams, he dreams of Powder and the Firelights and he's weak as she tells him he'll never be strong enough to protect Zaun and he watches as Silco's goons burn up their place and while he runs looking for Powder to keep her safe, he sees Jinx firing at a kid at the bottom of the tree and he wakes up in a halt from the noise the shot makes in his head.

Jinx wakes up the same way when he gasps aloud, and she tries to back off and throw away the cover but he lifts his hand to reassure her and once she sees his face, she freezes like he's going to hit her.

“Jinx, I'm sorry, everything’s ok.” he apologizes, hushing her down, but she's got the eyes like an owl and is breathing like she too, just woke up from a terrible nightmare.

Fuck, his certainly was one of the worst he's ever had.

He tries to put his hand on her arm through the cover but she kicks it off and walks away from him, immediately falling to the ground when she does so, and he sits up, worried.

“Hey, are you ok?”

She winces under the pain and he remembers her feet and ankle and knees are hurting, and probably does she remember too the moment she feels the pain again.

“I'm sorry.” he says again, trying to reassure her, and his heart is beating like crazy. 

He's worried she doesn't remember him, nor the day before.

She looks at him like she's confused and shocked and looks around as she holds herself on the night table, still on the ground, and she's still breathing hard.

“Are you alright?” he asks, and sits on the edge of the mattress as he offers her a hand to stand up.

She takes it and then the other one when she has difficulty to stand, and he feels relief when she does so, cause apparently she remembers enough to be able to touch him.

“Y-yeah..” she says in a low voice, and he watches her with worry as she sits next to him and looks around, then at him.

“Do you remember where you are?”

She holds her bathrobe around her belly and puts her shoulders up so that she can retreat her face between them and feel safe, and she looks around before nodding, and he sighs in relief.

He stands up so that she can have some space and he runs a hand through his hair, looking sorry.

“I'm sorry I woke you up, I... had a nightmare.” he tells her, and she looks around the room then at the window and her eyes narrow a bit when she sees the light.

She seems to remember she's sleepy, cause she suddenly looks tired again, but at least she seems to be calming down.

“I have them too... I understand..” she says absent-mindedly, and he puts his hand down from where it was staying in his hair, and rubs his fingers against one another in a nervous gesture.

He wonders how well she is exactly, and tries to think his words through before he speaks again.

“I.. I can make you some break-feast if you're hungry?” he offers, but she doesn't seem to care about him, and is busy frowning at the corner of the room.

“No.” she answers vaguely, and he bites his tongue.

She suddenly grunts and lies back on the bed, grabbing the blanket in an angry gesture, and she curls up underneath it leaving a bunch of fluffy, entangled hair outstrip the covers and fall onto the ground.

Ekko wonders what's gotten into her, but he remembers grumpy Powder who never liked being woken up from their naps and he sighs. At least, she's covering herself entirely with the blanket now, it will surely be warmer for her.

“I... I need to go somewhere...”

She doesn't react to his words, so he tries again.

“You remember last night? We talked about covering the windows, so... I'll go get some boards, and clothes for you too…?”

She grunts but since she's not showing any signs of not wanting to be left alone, he takes it as a good sign and starts walking to the door.

“I'll bring food so that you can eat something more consistent. I'll also buy more snacks. Do you need anything?”

She looks up at the word ''snacks'', and only then seems to be waking up from whatever state she was in and she looks like an afraid, lost child again under that big cover she's wrapped herself in.

“You leaving?” she says, and he gives her a sorry look, suddenly unsure of what to do.

“Yeah? But I'll be back quickly, alright? I'll make a few back and forths today but once I'm done I promise I'll stay with-”

“You can't leave.” she cuts him in a worried tone, seating up on the bed and looking at him like she can't believe what she hears. “I can’t stay on my own.”

“What?... Why? Nothing will happen to you here..”

“They'll find me.” she snaps at him, her tone choked and scared and angry at the same time, and her whole expression, her voice, is one of a child's, and she clearly is shocked that he'd ever consider leaving her here all by herself.

Ekko sighs and goes to sit on the bed, looking at her and feeling his heart ach at the sigh of her sorrowful hopeful eyes staring at him with tears of worry and disappointment building up in her pupils.

It was really painful, and so unsettling. Seeing her like this, when he's seen how strong and unwavering she had been all those years. What the hell happened that night for her to end up like this seriously?

“Jinx, remember what we talked about? It might not be safe for you outside, but you'll be safe here.”

“But why would you leave…?”

“I don’t want to leave you alone but I can't take you with me. I'll go get stuff so that we can make this place even safer for you, okay? You wanted me to cover up the window downstairs, remember?”

She looks away and nods, but she's on the verge of crying from the stress and he can tell she's not thinking clearly, so he puts his hand on hers in a reassuring way and tries to lock his eyes with hers so that she understands his words better.

Easy words. Childish conversation. He'll get her there.

“You can come with me downstairs, so that you can lock the door behind me and the only way for me to get back in will be if you open up the door, yeah? No one except me will come. I promise.”

“But what will I do?” she asks, and well, the fuck does he know. He didn't bring enough stuff for her to busy herself with yet because he never thought she'd accept on following him here so quickly.

He thought it would take weeks or months for her to finally accept coming back up to the Undercity again.

“I-I don't know you can... read? Do you remember how to read?”

“Why would I not know how to read?” she snaps at him, looking insulted, and he jolts back a bit, surprised.

He feels his heart beat faster, and feels stressed again. So she didn't remember... that she didn't remember stuff. She wasn't even aware , she was having those back and forth between a traumatic state and her, well, now ''normal'' self? That was going to be complicated.

“I-I don't know, but that's fine, if you can read that's fine, so... There's books here, and downstairs too... Maybe you can tinker with the bolts... or brush your hair? I did it for the most part yesterday but there's still a lot of knots... maybe you can brush them more easily now that it's dry?”

She looks at herself like she's confused for a moment, but when she sees the part where he didn't brush her hair and sees the huge bunch of dry knots entangled altogether she drags it near her like she wants to hide the knots from him. She looks at him again like she's lost and sorry and ashamed and when he sees her nod with her lip curled in a pout while she bites it hard from the inside, he knows she's about to cry and he feels his heart waver.

Her tears fall fast but silently on her cheeks and he wipes them by instinct, but she moves her head back by instinct. He takes his hand off right away and feels himself being tormented by a wave of embarrassment.

“S-sorry... I just… Don't cry, alright? It’s okay… So... so you can do this and.. I'll bring you crayons too yeah? I'll bring you lots of stuff to keep yourself busy and feel comfortable. Want me to put some music for you while I'm gone?”

She looks at the desk right away when he says this and looks like she'd enjoy that, but then she bites the inside of her lip and she's about to cry again as she purses her lips.

“I won't be able to.. I want to hear if someone's there. I don't want to be alone.”

She starts sulking and brings her knees up so that she can retrieve her legs against her chest and half-bury her face in there and Ekko looks at her with pain in his eyes, wondering if he should really leave her like this. What if she retreats into a completely broken child again, like yesterday? What if something snaps in her head and she suddenly forgets all about what she's doing here, who he is, or the fact that he's even gonna come back? She'll definitely try to escape. Or harm herself.

“Listen, I... I can stay here, but if I do, then we'll run out of snacks… and there's this window downstairs that anyone would be able to see through...”

She looks at him like he's announcing doom day and he tries to give her his best convincing ''our fate is in your hands'' look, and damn he's good, but he knows reversed psychology surely worked wonders but it was not to be used unless the situation was desperate.

It wasn't like he'd read a lot about psychology or like he was a master in the subject. It was something he learned from experience, as he was working his way to find the better cure and way to help the poor tormented souls he helped off the street. He figured that everyone wasn't the same ; that each individual had different thoughts and lives and that the brain, as complicated as it could get, would find different ways and mechanisms to protect itself, and all people had them working differently. 

Jinx was no different. If one way didn't work, he had to go for the other, and if one strategy was working for her in a certain situation or day, it might have her shut down another time. And as she was shutting down on him right now, and since he couldn't use the direct or parenting tone with her when she was acting so fragile, he had to talk to her feelings.

And stuck as she was in the mind of a child right now, there should have been only two things on her mind : fear, and children's needs. Thus games, or snacks. No way she'd ever not have him cover up the window in order to feel more safe, and no way she'd let him make them run out of snacks.

She looks on the side and back at him a few more times before clenching her fingers on the blanket, where she's holding her legs against her chest, and she frowns looking down at his hand on the mattress.

“We can't do that.” she tells him in a disapproving tone, and man he agrees with her, no way they'd risk running out of snacks.

“Right?” he tells her, his tone one of a child's too for her to feel that they're on the same page. “I even found this store that has a bunch of different flavors. I thought we should try them out.” he tells her, and she looks at him with sparkling, teary hopeful eyes, and he gives her a little smile. “It's not like I'll be gone for long...”

“You'll come back?”

“I promise.” he says as he gently brushes her hair back in a comforting gesture.

She nods and he doesn't know why, but he kisses her forehead. And before he jolts back and realizes what he's done and apologizes, she's wrapped her hands around his neck and she's hugging him so tight he's choking for a moment.

He holds her back with one hand on her back and feels his heart beating and clenching on itself at the same time, as he listens to her sniffing.

“I-I'll be back soon..” he tells her vaguely, and backs up slowly, and she nods as she wipes her tears.

She goes back to holding her legs and doesn't look at him but she stares out the door like she's afraid what's beyond.

“Will you close the door?”

“Y-yeah?” he asks her, and she nods in agreement, and he understands she wants to stay in the room to feel safe.

He remembers she freaked out yesterday when she saw the little table in the corner of the shop, so he thinks it's perhaps better if she stays here since downstairs held so many memories.

“Will you be ok when I come back? Don't freak out ok?”

“How will I know it's you?”

“I...”

He thinks, looks for a hard structure, then puts his fist onto the wooden night stand.

“I'll knock like this ok?”

He makes a one, one two three knock on the wood to indicate the rhythm to her, and she nods despite not seeming reassured, and he wasn't either to be honest.

Who knows where her mind will take her once he’s gone.

“I'll lock the door behind me for today, but you can go down and close the other locks if you want to ok? And... that'd be cool if you do, to let me back in when I come back.” he smiles, and she doesn't smile back, just looks him in the eyes and doesn't blink.

He swallows down his saliva and runs a hand through his hair, wondering if she is not going to do just that . Fucking lock herself up in here like getting ready for a war in her castle of snacks or something. She's got hot water and blankets and snacks and bolts and shit. What if she suddenly snaps out of her traumatic state and thinks to herself ''hey, this place is not so bad. Got everything I need here – piss off insects!” when she'll hear him pierce her buble and come back to her world.

“Will you... be ok when I come back?” he wonders aloud, wondering if she’ll even remember him.

She shrugs her shoulders and looks away for a second, like she really doesn't know and right, how the fuck would she know, but he guesses they'll have to try it out anyway.

“Alright...” he says softly as he stands up, and he glances at her a few more times making sure she looked kinda ok enough for him to really leave.

She looks away at the covers looking sad and grumpy, then looks back at him and it’s like she’s blaming him for leaving.

“See you later then.” he says gently, and she just puts her face on her knees, turning away from him, and doesn't answer.

And fuck when he closes the door and leaves her in there he feels like abandonning her, and he knows it's exactly how she feels when he does.

* * *

But one day… 

… he’ll do it for good.

* * *

Chapter Text

Chapter IX - The Hands of our Clocks

He didn't tell her he won't be back before a few hours, because he knew she would have freaked out about being left alone for so long, but when he's mid-way through Benzo's shop after having brought the boards first - storing them on the side of the shop praying that no one steals them -, and after having gone to the Lanes for groceries, he wonders how long her broken memory would last and if the more he left her alone the more she'd retreat into the traumatic mind of a child.

He really wonders if she's going to remember him and open the door for him when he knocks in the rhythm he indicated to her, and when there's no answer even after he’s knocked a second time, he bites his lip and looks around to make sure no one's in the street. 

The sun is going down already, and it's a sunday afternoon so most people are still hungover from their saturday night in the Lanes's nightclubs. Still it might have been weird if anyone saw him stick his ear onto the door of an abandoned shop, so he checks that no one is watching before he does, and he feels a strange mix of relief and worry when he hears a noise behind the door, like some wood cracking, but not a noise that indicates the door is being opened or anything close to it.

But at least, she was still in there, and that was enough relief for his stressed-out heart.

“Ji?” he says, low enough for her to hear, cause he knows she's behind the door. “It's just me. I'm back with the snacks and the clothes?”

He lets her have another solid twenty seconds to process the information, and even though he was losing patience, he just sighed and narrowed his eyes looking at the street, trying to fight the urge to force the door open.

“Will you open up?” he asks again, in a low tone and in a gentle voice, and he can hear a noise again on the other side, and he knows she's just there, standing on the wooden floor on the other side of the door, but whatever's going through her mind he hopes she snaps out of it quickly cause he's starting to freeze his ass off.

She says something, or at least he thinks she did so he brings his ear closer to the door again while keeping an eye on the street.

“What did you say? I didn't hear.”

His tone is gentle again, but also quiet so that no one picks up someone's in there. When she speaks again, he's almost not sure he hears her right.

“don't have the key...”

He’s surprised when she tells him this and feels stupid for not having tried to open the door but he thought she’d have locked it after he left, so he didn’t even bother. But apparently she trusted him enough to assume he’d have kept her safe by locking her there. 

He clears his throat and speaks again.

“I'm going to come in, ok?” he tells her, and he doesn't get a response, but he hears the noise the wood makes when she moves away from the door and he takes that as an answer – a good one, he hopes.

He puts the key in the lock and opens the door praying for dear life.

When he walks in he sees she's standing right there, near the stairs wearing that same bathrobe, and she's got a hand on the rail to steady herself while one of her feet is lifted, tip-toeing the floor. 

She looks like she made some kind of incommensurable mistake and Ekko looks at her running eyes wondering if she did , make some kind of mistake? Like blowing up the bathroom pipes or ripping the room's curtains with her feline-like nails to make clothes for her origami friends or some shit.

Whatever, he can tell the moment he meets her eyes that she remembers him, and he feels so worried all of a sudden that he forgets all about him freezing his ass off for the last ten minutes or the fact she looks so guilty.

“Are you ok? I'm sorry I forgot about your ankle” he tells her, putting the boards aside so that he can quickly snatch the bags from outside and bring them in.

She shakes her head in a timid attempt at saying it's not hurting her and she looks out the door, her breath quickening, and Ekko hurries to catch the rest of the bags and the box he brought so that he can close it.

She jumps on one foot until she reaches the door and when he sees her fumble through the locks in a panicked way like there was some enemy right at the corner, he feels a new wave of worry and sadness wash over him.

“I'm sorry... I thought it'd be better if I knocked first, so that you don't get scared when I come in? I thought you might have closed the locks behind me when I left.”

“No... I didn’t.” she tells him vaguely, and then she's back at holding herself on the rail with her hands and looks down at what he brought like it's nuclear warheads and he's bringing toxicity inside her safe-house.

He bites his tongue and puts the keys aside, emptying his pockets.

“Next time I'll leave you the keys, ok?” he says, and she nods vaguely, approaching while limping a bit, but he doesn't say anything of his lie (cause he's definitely not letting her with the keys when he's still fearing she might escape) and watches as she squats down before the box.

“What these?” she asks, and he wonders if she was asleep and is still half-way through emerging from it or if she's just trapped inside the mind of a child again to be speaking like that.

“Brought you some clothes? Fabrics too, if you want to make them yourself.” 

He smiles sadly when she looks at him with the curiosity of a child, and he figures she did , went back to one.

Her attention goes back to the box and after a few seconds of observation she draws one of the shirts from the batch and lifts it above her head to have a better look at it. 

She looks it up and down with empty eyes and a pout on her lips, before letting it fall to the floor ; her picky fingers showing nothing but disdain and Ekko has to bite his lip and cross his arms to hold in a sigh.

He watches as she grabs the next piece of clothing and does the same with it ; throwing it to the ground as soon as she’s done analyzing it ; and her expression clearly shows she’s not impressed and she has a growing, sulking look on her face. She even stops fumbling through the box to put both her hands on her knees, and then keeps staring at it looking upset.

Ekko bites his lips, hard , and says nothing. 

He feels like looking at her from a few weeks ago, when she was fumbling through the trash-hills or through her own junk boxes and wasn't finding what she was looking for.

She was looking just the same. Like the box was sticking out its tongue at her in order to mock her incompetence at finding what she needed and she was just about to replicate by throwing it away and cursing at it to stop taunting her.

“You... You can paint them if you want? I can buy some dye and..”

Her hand suddenly goes back into the box, where her eyes seemingly caught something interesting, and she withdraws the only pink-purplish clothing from the batch with a look on her face that reminds Ekko of a cat mischievously playing with a mouse before going at it.

It was stained with bleach and so worn out the purple had fainted into a grayish-pink color, but it was still in pretty good shape for him to have included it into the batch. 

And well, yeah, he would lie if he said he didn't go through the Firelight's stash of clothes in search of pink fabrics knowing exactly how she'd look for that color in particular, seeing how much she liked it - he thought it might bring her some comfort. Powder always used to brag about how much she liked pink. He could only figure Jinx did too seeing her grafitis, clothing, nails and how she even made her shots explode in that color. He figured if she'd wear any clothes that weren't her own, she'd at least enjoy wearing that color. Guess he wasn't wrong.

She puts the sweater on almost immediately, on top of her entangled wavy hair and the old bathrobe, and then brushes her fingers on the faded white skull design on her chest like she's caressing an animal. She does so for a few seconds then her hands are back on her knees, and she looks up at him with pink, empty eyes ; and her expression is one of a curious child asking ''what's next?''.

“It.. it looks good on you.” he tells her, and just like that, life comes back on her features in a split second as she smiles genuinely.

He looks away, heart beating and soul aching, then tiredly leans his back on the counter as he points vaguely at the box.

“There's.. crayons… and a bunch of boxes beneath the clothes if you want... and I brought you some stuff for your hair too.”

She looks at the box again and silently wonders where to fumble, before she sits in front of it in a cross-legged position and starts fumbling through the clothes once more, with more relaxed features this time. Ekko sighs as he picks up the bags from the ground, and he starts emptying them on the counter.

He stores the food and the cans into the empty cupboards – most of them are clear now that he's half emptied Benzo's shop, selling the remaining items over the years, or having brought them to the Firelight's so that they'll find a better use for them than just staying there collecting dust – and checks up on her when he hears her hum in excitement when she finally finds the crayons.

The first thing she does when finding the blue one is pulling at the sweater to start drawing on it, but when Ekko sees her doing so he just knows she's going to throw a tantrum soon, cause basics : crayons won't work on fabric and Jinx is trapped inside the mind of a child.

He thinks it's better he stops her before she realizes it, and instinctively goes to the other bag, snatching a pack of snacks from it.

“Look! Brought you the new snacks I talked to you about?” he says in the same childish, exciting tone he's used a few times with her, and she looks up at the mention of snacks and at the tone, but still seems to be focusing on drawing whatever she was trying to draw on her sweater cause she keeps pulling at it and doesn't look that impressed by what he's showing her.

He goes to squat in front of her and shows her the bag, smiling at her when he meets her eyes, but when she doesn’t seem to react he crosses his legs too and sits in the same position.

“My friend told me it was the best flavor. There’s even ultra-sour ones. Have you tried them before?” he asks.

He knows she has, and knows they're among her favorites, but she denies and he thinks maybe she doesn't recall the color of the pack but will perhaps remember the taste.

He doesn't open the bag for her because he wants her to give up the crayon and switch her attention there, but she looks more interested by the snacks now that they're beneath her reach, and she takes it with her hand that was holding her sweater.

Ekko slowly takes the crayon from her other hand while her attention is focused on something else, and fumbles through the box to find the paint as she opens the snacks and starts eating.

When he straightens from his leaning position and faces her again, she lifts her head at the same moment with a loud ''hmm~??” and their eyes meet, both wide and surprised and shocked from different emotions, and he feels suddenly embarrassed by how close she is and how baffled her expression looks. 

It's like her face suddenly lit up with happiness and excitement at the memory that sweet taste on her tongue was bringing back to her, and she just seems so happy that he's sharing all these – his - stuff with her she smiles with her mouth full of sweets and her eyes narrowing from her dark bags that lift up under her puffed cheeks and she looks at him like she's acknowledging him for that gift of happiness. 

He feels like seeing a child on christmas day, and he has to back off a bit because seeing her happy makes him flustered. He chuckles nervously, making a weird gesture with his hand holding the paint trying to remember what he was going to say or do and damn. How can she go from looking so empty and broken-minded to a complete ball of joy?

“I-- dye. If you want to put blue on the sweater, we have to... with dye. But I only brought paint so…” he says awkwardly, pointing at her sweater, and she looks at him like she's a bit lost and off but once she's analyzed the information she follows his finger and looks at her sweater, then at the paint arching a brow like she doesn't fucking see what he means and she just puts another round fruity acid ball in her mouth and looks at him like he's dumb.

Ekko rolls his eyes and puts the paint away.

“Yeah, well.. anyway. I'll do it with you later, ok? We'll paint on it if you want. But crayons won't work.”

Man she doesn't care about crayons anymore, that's one thing sure : the only thing on her mind is fumbling through the bag to catch the green sour sweets – their favorites.

He sighs and gets up again, going back to storing the groceries. When he's done with the first bag and goes for the second, he checks up on her again and realizes she's staring at him, eating her snacks, and looking at his every move like he's the most interesting thing out there in the world.

And he's fucking flushed for good.

“What?” he asks, wondering why the fuck she's looking at him this way, but she doesn't answer, and just looks on the side while chewing slowly.

He ignores her and sighs, because by now, he's used to it.

There were times when she was acting like a child, but still had enough brains to understand him and talk to him. But they were times like these, where she was literally , a child, and not fighting any traumatic memories. She was retrieving in the innocence, seeking comfort in the safety and little happiness she felt in those times, probably long ago. Probably before she had her very first trauma. And that would be in the very early years of her life.

It wasn't so bad, when she was in that state. At least he found comfort in the thought she was feeling happy and wasn't going to hurt herself ; even if she might throw a tantrum, at worst. But he knew her safe from any traumatic memories or painful realization of all that had happened next, so at least she wasn’t suffering. 

He could handle her when she was like this. He could handle her when she was acting like a child, too, cause even though the traumas were still there, she was too young at that time to truly understand how traumatic the experience and things she saw were.

The times where it was hard and painful were the times where she was starting to get better. Where she was starting to recover. Cause then her mind would be clearer. And therefore piecing back its broken pieces together, linking each and every trauma she experienced all back together to form one and single horrifying truth that she was yet too weak to acknowledge.

The same way she acknowledged it too fast yesterday night on that roof, and thought of ending her life again.

“Where's your paint?” she suddenly asks, and he looks up, taken aback.

“What?”

She puts the bag down, finishes chewing slowly, and keeps staring at him with those pink piercing eyes.

“Your face... You had paint on your face last time.”

Her tone is childish again, and she's talking like she talked to him back there in the junkyard, in her ''safe place''. He wonders how much of that day she remembers. And he wonders what he should tell her, because he could tell, that day, that she seemed to be suffering from her memory loss when she asked him about his face-paint. 

He shrugs his shoulders, eying her warily.

“I don't wear it all the time... only when... when I go on a mission, mostly..”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” he chuckles nervously, but keeps the tone gentle so that she doesn't feel offended.

It's crazy how much of Powder he remembers. How much he remembers how her brain worked, how her body-language talked, or how much silent emotions would pour through her eyes. 

She always had this way of talking to you sometimes that made you feel like an idiot, but she'll get so offended whenever you'd employ the same tone with her. And from what he could guess from Jinx's impulsivity? Man she had grown to have just the same temper.

He engraved it all in his memory. Like a survival’s map of ways to take and paths not to follow, like a survival instinct buried so deep inside his heart he was following it unconsciously as it was leading him to the right comprehension of her, and that’s all he ever orbited around.

So he keeps his tone gentle. So that she doesn’t feel like he’s snapping back. Because who knows how she’ll take that and how appart that would lead them.

“You should wear it all the time. I think it's cool.” she says as she resumes drawing on the floor – only now does he realize that and he looks at her, annoyed, but doesn't say anything.

He just smiles at the compliment as he keeps cutting the vegetables he's gathered for dinner.

“You think so?”

“Yeah…” she chants vaguely, absent-mindly. “I’d love to paint my face like that too.” she smiles, and he stops for a few seconds to look at her.

"..."

She did. 

She did it first, even. 

If only she could remember…

“Well... I'll try and bring you some next time then..”

“You will? I want glitters on my eyes too!”

She stands up and toddles to the mirror that is stuck between two shelves like she’s up to do some mischief, and she giggles as she leans in and tries to mark her face with the crayon she's holding. Ekko drops the knife after a sigh and goes to stop her.

“Jinx ; no... That's not for the face...”

“What?” she looks disappointed, and tries to take her hand off of his so that she can go back to try and draw pink lines on her cheeks. “No ; let me!”

She frowns at him and looks upset as she tries to paint her cheeks again, and he sighs, knowing far too well how those lame Undericty crayons will probably irritate her skin. He lets his hand fall on her arm that he brushes in a comforting manner and tries to draw her attention elsewhere, once again :

“I'll bring you make-up tomorrow if you want, ok?”

“Pff, I'm too young to wear make-up.” she scoffs, with that Powder smug he knows so well, and she throws him a side glare like he's the stupidest person she knows.

He arches a brow and closes his arms, sighing softly as he gives up on trying to make her comply, because it’s not like he ever managed to make Powder change her mind when she had set it on something anyway.

He really wonders though, how old is she , exactly?

He wonders for a moment, because he can't really remember if they were the same age or a year apart, but he wonders even more from how childish her mind gets these days.

Either way he couldn’t tell, because he couldn’t remember when was her birthday.

They had way too few birthdays together. And way too few occasions to celebrate them, back then.

“And how old are you exactly?” he asks, wondering if she even had the answer.

She shrugs her shoulders before putting her feet back on the ground when she figures the crayon doesn't work, but she suddenly looks tense again, and her shoulders are down.

“What difference does it make…” she mumbles, morose. “I just know I can’t wear make-up yet. The other girls can though... They’re older.”

Ekko bites his lip. 

What other girls? Was she talking about Vi? Ekko felt an alarm switch on in his mind, and his heart started racing.

“It’s ok. You’ll be able to one day, if you want to...”

“I want to.”

She looks at her reflection again, but he can feel something’s off in her eyes ; something’s happening in her mind, so he tries to drift her attention from the mirror and take the crayon out of her hand.

“Those are shitty for the face. I know of a shop that has awesome face pain! I’ll bring you some tomorrow if you want.”

“Pff and why do you know about that? Aren’t you too old to put paint on your face anyway?” she mocks him, smiling mischievously at his face, and damn, he didn’t see that one coming.

“Excuse me? ” he chuckles, acting like he’s offended, but hey, he was a bit.

Ok she was stuck in the mind of a child, and he could be talking to a seven-year-old something Powder and that would surely make him older than her, but bitch you’re the same age as me?? He crosses his arms and gives her an annoyed look when she mocks him openly, looking him up and down and arching a brow while staring intensely at his hair.

Ekko bites his lips, wondering if she’s conscious, somewhere deep down, that she is stuck in the mind of a child, cause clearly, it was a hard concept for him to wrap his head around. How could she look at herself, her height or her body, and not realize that she was anything but a child ?

And suddenly, he thinks he understands why she freaked out so much yesterday night at the mere sight of her own reflection. 

It wasn’t just because of the four years, nor her eyes, or even the fact she looked like a total mess.

Her mind had totally distorted her perception of herself from the inside, and probably on the outside too, as she was believing to be a child again. 

She just didn’t seem to grasp at the fact she had retrieved into one, and had grown up from that state, once.

“Isn’t your hair white because you're old?” she keeps on mocking, dragging him out of his daze, and he sneers in astonishment.

“What? Pff, no. I'm-- Hm... I'm probably.. The same age as you.” he answers, awkwardly so.

Acting like he barely knows her when they’ve known each other all their life was harder than he thought. Especially when she would throw scoffs like that at his face and he has to keep playing the part in fright she might get triggered by a single one of his words that would bring back a shit ton of memories to her mind like a single wooden table did it yesterday and she just snapped in a blink of an eye.

She scoffs at him in a ''pff'' again like he's saying nonsense and he sighs, rolling his eyes. 

Let her think whatever, he doesn't care.

“Anyway I... I'll bring you body paint, if you want to have fun painting your face.”

“I do~”

She abandons the mirror for now, and turns around to look at the counter and the stuff he brought, and when she limps towards it and puts her elbow on the surface to steady herself, he goes back to the vegetables he was cutting before she gets the idea of playing with the knife.

“Whatchyu doing?” she asks curiously, and he shrugs his shoulders, not really sure he has any kind of meal in mind for now.

“Just.. some porridge or something. So that you can eat.” he starts mumbling, but his tone at the end is slightly scolding under the tone of humor.

“I'm not hungry.” she answers while picking a carrot, and she puts it in her mouth probably more to test it than to ease her empty stomach.

He can't help but smile, amused, when he sees her take another one.

“We'll see about that when I start to cook.”

She grins at him and looks at the counter again, wondering about the insides of the bags, and he looks at her feet where she's lifting one of them so that it doesn't hurt too much and when he sees her hair on the ground, he sighs again.

“You know, you should really be thinking of cutting your hair... it's getting pretty long.”

“What? No!?”

She backs off and looks at him like he offended her, and when she starts walking away looking clearly upset, he gives her an exasperated look.

“The more you leave them like this the more damaged it will get you know...”

“I said no cutting!”

He gives her hair a judgmental look, before sighing and shaking his head in disbelief.

“Fine, whatever…” 

“No touching my hair!”

He sighs and gets back at cutting the vegetables, but when he sees her throwing her butt on the ground near the boxes and sulking while carelessly fumbling through them, he bites his lip and feels sorry he’s upset her.

He eyes the mirror thoughtfully, checking his own reflection, then sighs wondering if he should fix the bathroom’s glass she broke yesterday.

“So what did you do today?” he asks her casually, but she just throws him a dark glare, before picking up her hair from her back where it shows from under her sweater and she pulls it towards her like he’s fucking going to steal it from her and he just stares, unbaffled.

The devil doesn’t even dare answer him so he breathes in to hold in a sigh.

“Did you try untangling your hair? It should be easier now since I started yesterday…”

“No it’s not .” she spits out bitterly, and he’s a bit hurt and upset by the tone, but simply sighs instead of letting his frustration show.

“Ok… That’s ok, I’ll help you with it. If you want to keep it that long, maybe we can try and braid them again, it would be fun?” he tries again, on a joyful tone because hello? she’s always happy when someone brushes her hair and they’ve been talking about it that same morning so why would she be upset about it now?

“No more touching my hair! I said… Doesn’t listen.. stupid. . No more braiding.” she groans as she picks up a bunch of clothes in the boxes and sticks them against her chest, and he wonders what the hell she's going to do with those clothes, since she clearly didn't like them in the first place?

What is it with the attitude anyway, just grabbing a bunch of stuff as if to start making herself a collection of new stuff to call hers, just for the sake of throwing a tantrum and ''steal'' them just to show him she can? Girl just have the bloody clothes, he thinks. Brought them for you anyway.

He shrugs his shoulders and looks at her sighing when she calls him stupid again, and he wonders if she might have a break-down right now as he hears her mumbling to herself, but he hopes she doesn't cause he’s run accross town all day and he’s fucking tired.

“Won’t braid it ever again!” she finishes her mumbling in a loud shout, throwing a sweater across the room towards the huge library, and he arches an exasperated brow at her.

“Fine..?” he says, not really sure he wants to argue with her on whatever this is, and she looks even more upset when he doesn't fight her back and she seems to be realizing she's the one getting upset over mere talk.

She frowns and looks around, then at her hair when she realizes she sat on it and it’s stuck under her ass, then she groans while pulling it away and turns her back on him to collect more stuff from the boxes.

“You can take the box upstairs if you want...I can help you if your ankle hur-”

“Don't talk to me! I said I don’t want your help!??”

He chuckles silently but it's more out of shock and disbelief than out of fun. He sighs again, going back at the vegetables with a little more rudeness, while she's fumbling through the boxes with angry gestures and makes a mess out of the shop's floor.

“What are you doing now?” he can't help but ask in an exasperated tone when he hears her move the boxes around, but she hushes him with an angry arm movement and his shoulders go down as he sighs for the hundredth time.

“I said we were not cutting them.. why would we do that?? .. keeps insisting.. I said no, NO!” she snaps angrily, and Ekko bites his lip when he realizes she's not talking to him, and he stops cutting the vegetables for a second cause he might have underestimated how talking about her hair might have affected her.

“Hey, Jinx?” he calls out to her, but she doesn't hear him because she's too busy picking up stuff from the box and throwing them around the room when she doesn't seem to like what she finds.

“All the time… saying those things like you know better.. I never asked for your opinion, so stop talking to me. Shut up ; shutuup you noisy brat, you talk too much!”

Ekko bites his lower lip so hard he feels it hurt, and frowns at her. Ok, she was calling him a brat again, this was starting to get out of hand. She keeps mumbling stuff, more and more incoherently and in an angry tone, so he abandons the food for now and goes to squat next to her, smiling at her.

“What are you looking for?” he asks her curiously, in that childish, joyful tone he took a habit in using when she's acting like this, and she's surprised by it, and by his presence too.

She recoils a little when she sees him next to her and she looks him up and down like she needs to analyze his body and features before answering, but the tone has calmed her down a bit, so she just frowns and looks around like she doesn't know if she should keep being angry at him - or the boxes and the clothes or whatever - or answer his tone by the same sulking childish one she was starting to have.

She ends up throwing her bandaged hand in her hair so that her bangs fall out of the way then waves at the boxes in an angry gesture.

“Y’Said they were things for the hair but there's nothing! Just ugly clothes??” she snaps out of annoyance and disappointment, and Ekko gives her his most unbaffled face.

She tightens her fists on the clothes on her lap and grumpily sighs at his face so he looks at her like she's acting like a damn child and she is , but bitch, ugly clothes? He's got some fashion sense, and she knows, deep down that he does, so when he looks at her looking unimpressed and annoyed, she looks back with a spark of guilt in her eyes despite the grumpiness. She’s just good at hiding it behind attitude so he can’t help but smirk.

“Those aren't so ugly?” he defends himself, and she looks away sulking and doesn't say anything, so he ends up sighing.

She knows she's making a scene, so he doesn't blame her for it and just sighs softly.

“Here.”

He grabs the box and slides it in front of him then lifts up a few sweaters and blankets to show her the wooden boxes at the bottom.

She takes one and when she opens it and finds a bunch of hair-clips and rusty gadgets he thought she would probably have fun turning into hair-clips, she looks content again and her face lights up.

Ekko sighs as he looks at her with tired, worried eyes, and when he sees that too-long-old-bangs of hers get in the way of her face again, he pushes it aside without realizing it and neither does she.

“I'll help you finish untangling your hair later if you want.. would you like that?”

She looks at him, and she's back to the mind of a child again, he can tell in how shy she suddenly seems and how she smiles looking embarrassed but happy at the thought of him brushing her hair. He sighs when she nods, not answering aloud, and she's back at fumbling through the little boxes but her movements are calmer this time, and her face relaxed.

“Would you like me to braid them too?”

She stops right on the spot when he asks her this, and he sees the shock on her face, but doesn't understand it. She shakes her head quite fast, gathering her little things on her lap like she's hurried by time, and she starts mumbling again.

“No.. No braiding. No-no no.”

“O-okay..? No braid-”

“I said NO!”

“Ok! Jeez...”

She pushes him away from her sharply like he’s too close and he gasps in shock when his ass falls on the ground, and he can’t help but frown, astonished, when he sees her shake her head again before she glares at him like he just insulted her.

“I don't want to. Don’t you understand??”

“O-okay…! Don't freak out, I...”

“I said NO!”

She stands up with her arms full of whatever she decided to keep to herself and she looks down on him looking offended as f, and like he's a threat to her, and he's so damn confused.

“I'm sorry...” he tells her as he stands up too, but she keeps looking at him like she's shocked and outraged by his attitude, and for real, he's completely lost.

She used to love to braid her hair, what the fuck was wrong with her.

“I won't insist.” he tries to reassure her, but she doesn't say anything, and just groans turning her back on him.

She starts going for the stairs, still throwing him angry glances and damn, that girl's attitude, he's so annoyed and pissed.

“You don't have to run away from me...I’m not gonna surprise-attack your hair or something.” he sighs, but she's climbing the stairs with angry, wounded steps and she looks ridiculous sulking like that, but she does it anyway and he throws his eyes to the ceiling.

When he hears something fall to the ground after the slam of the bedroom door and hears a loud groan, he goes to the rail and grabs it wondering if he should check up on her.

“Don't hurt yours-”

“I SAID DISAPPEAR!!”

She opens the door so that she can gather the hair she's trapped in the doorway, groans and slam the door again after cursing at him to leave her alone, and he sighs when he hears her start cursing and mumbling some more once she's locked herself in the room.

He lets his ass fall onto the stairs and puts his back against the wall, and waits here to make sure she’s not going to hurt herself or start throwing sharp objects around the room, and for real, he’s already getting tired, he wonders how much and for how long she will run his patience down.

“Please, don’t make a mess up there just for the sake of it…” he begs in an exasperated tone, more to evacuate his frustration than for her to really hear, but she apparently did anyway.

“I SAID no– YOU , DISAPPEAR!!”

Ekko looks up a few seconds, wondering if he should just go and leave her for the night seeing how upset she was, but then he looks down at the little table in the back of the room and his mind goes blank.

He doesn’t move. He just stays there, even if she seemingly doesn't want him to.

This place used to be so empty. He came by sometimes, when the Firelight’s workshop would be too full with some of his bandmate’s projects or when they’d gather too much merchandise from the sometimes thriving hunts at the markets and he didn’t want his stuff to get mixed with it. He needed a place of his own somehow, so he just came to work here. 

He liked the calm of this place when he worked on gadgets that have gears. It was an old habit, really, nothing like him being sentimental. He just always found himself coming back to this place whenever he’d have a watch or an artifact that had gear-mechanism to repair.

Everything was silent then. No crowd in the main yard, no children goofing around, running down the back yard of the farm bickering while fighting with wooden swords, no hoverboard buzzing in the atmosphere. Just the calm sound of his movements while he tinkered on the thin, damaged gears ; the slow clicking of a few bicycles that kids would ride down the street at night fall, and the casual slow pace of a few citizens in the street passing-by in the background. 

And that steady, so steady, soothing ticking of the huge clock in the back of the room that he’s always kept working along the years, making sure with each year that went by that it will keep all its glory, like the gears of his own heart entangled in electric pink and bright blue memories. 

He wants to make sure it will become vintage someday, old and preserved and beautiful, like the memories in his soul.

He stares at the clock and tries to focus on the sound. 

TikTok. TikTok. Calm and steady. 

Soothing as it used to be. 

He remembers the intimate and the numbness ; steady beats of his own heart when he’d come working here in search for calm, and tries to feel that feeling again. How he’d feel numb and empty and how good it felt to just focus on the task ahead just breathing . 

No thinking. Just the sound of the clock, his tickering, and the ghost sound of crayons scraping down the wood in the corner of the shop where his oil lamp would barely reach the surface of the little table standing there.

So calm. So peaceful. His tickering, the sound of the clock, the bicycles in the background... Powder humming to herself drawing on the table. 

Then he’d lift his head and look for her petite form and there would be nothing but that empty shop and empty apartment, that empty chair and that empty table ; and that deep emptiness within his chest would fill itself with a heavy hollow impression, like a black hole steadily taking shape at the core of his being, sunking him from the inside, and he’d breath in to try and ease the feeling, but would be overwhelmed with a crushing loneliness instead, and the calm and quiet won’t be soothing no more, and would feel like dying at the core.

The thoughts would come barging in again with the violence of a hurricane ; his heart would stir and his eyes sting, and he’d leave his tickering for another day ; going back to the Firelight’s base before the memories unlocked the feelings.

How can this place have become so messy? He looks at the chaos in the middle of the room where the boxes have been vandalized then stares at the doodles on the floor and he smirks, but there’s no joy in his smirk, cause when there was life and chuckles and warmth a few minutes ago when he arrived and he saw Powder - all grown up Powder wear her pink sweater and look so content, it was like being a child again and watch her experience life by his side but now everything’s a mess and this place is a mess and when it was once full of joy and warmth and cheerful voices and closed-one's laughers it was then empty and lonely and now she’s here again and it feels like it’s choking him from the inside.

He needs to lock it away. That feeling. He needs to forget about it. Again.

He focuses on the clock. He listens to the calm, heavy back and forth of the large needle disrupted by the movements upstairs and listens to the steady, nervous rhythm with which she steps on the floor and it reminds him of a time when he would hear footsteps on the street ; loud, steady metallic footsteps on the muddy ground, looking for him, looking for them ; and they’d be angry too, just like she is, pacing out the room upstairs, being mad at him ; being mad at them. She’s always been mad at them. At the world. And he had no part in hers since that day. So she had decided she’d be mad at him too. And thus the world became mad at him when it was before that mad at her. 

Because she’s always been his world. But the World didn’t want them to live in the same. So he wandered for quite a while. Trying to build himself a new world. One without her. But all he ever wanted was for her to accept her in hers. Or come along in his. But what were worlds if not paths through time, that could never quite intertwine unless it disappeared from one’s existence? Could two worlds with all their singularities and differences come together, without shattering each other from the seams cause the moment they’ll collide was the moment their own reason for existing would start to fade?

His mind wanders and he feels like dissociating again, when the memories start coming back. He feels them rush over him, clunch his heart, so he clenches his fists, and breaths in to hold it all in. 

Maybe he should leave. Maybe he should disappear like she asked him to and leave her some space for the night but he doesn’t know if he could bare with the thought of her leaving once again so he knows he’ll eventually come back to check up on her and there’s a chance she might just be gone and there’d be nothing left than this empty shop and that steady unbearable ticking sound from the clock reminding him of how empty it was.

She might just stop existing from his world in a blink of an eye like this clock would stop ticking if he didn’t care for it and he doesn’t know if he could bare with the thought of her being gone from his world again so he doesn’t move. Doesn't leave, so that he won’t have to think "what if?". He doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to know, God he just wants to stop thinking for a moment.

Breath in. Don’t think. Breath in.

She’s getting mad at something upstairs and he can hear her throw stuff around but he doesn’t want to go up there, he doesn’t even know if he can, cause he’ll probably make it worse. A little voice tells him she might hurt herself but then he thinks she can take it. 

Whatever she does it’s probably not worse than what she already did to herself, that people might have done to her, or what he did to her on that night. He blocks the memory away.

Thinks about it again. 

Then blocks it away.

She'll survive it. She deserves it.

He closes his eyes and clenches his fists until his knuckles become white and he chases the feeling away, holding in the rage.

She deserves it.

No.

He remembers of a time where he did want to disappear. He had gone through life just fine for a year and another and another buckling everything up inside tiny, little boxes of memories and had built a sophisticated gears of chains and locks and mechanisms on top of it so that they never open by themselves but then one day, he'd had a particular shitty day and shitty week and shitty month where he’d acknowledged the fact Jinx was dead and they were on a mission and he spotted some former goon from Silco’s gang and the boxes opened, all at once, in a rumbling sound that buzzed through his ears and made his mind go blank. 

He doesn’t really recall what happened. He just knew he saw the guy, and just lost it. He let his hoverboard crash into the wall as he jumped on the ground and he threw his stick into the guy’s skull in a simple hit and then forgot all about the stick and started hitting with bare hands, his fists slamming into the man’s bony face again, and again, and again, until he could barely see skin anymore and all he saw was red. 

When Scar finally got to him, he had killed the man and he didn’t even know why. Cause they all saw the guy had blacked out after his first hit with his stick, but at that moment, he didn’t care.

Then they went home and it was still a shitty day, soaking them in dusty, poisonous itching rain, and it took him to catch Scar’s judgmental, silent glares later that night as they were having drinks over a poor attempt at camp-fire trying to rise up the spirits after a successful mission that he somehow turned into an horrifying shit-show that all of his friends could witness, to understand that his tears at that moment were for her and not from rage.

He got drunk on his own after the party and spent the night staring at the mural, and only when he saw Scar glaring at him when he went to bed hours later, did he understand what weight and importance held those tiny little boxes of memories and feelings buried inside his heart.

He’d always done that. Kept on going through life without ever facing the complicated matters, because what solution was there in the past, if you couldn’t undo it? He was the kind to look forward at any given moment. Even at the worst times of his life, even when he buried countless dreams and dug graves after graves and engraved milestones of gravestones. The past only held painful memories, a bitter truth of weakness he didn’t want to acknowledge. 

So he had locked it away, year after year, and had kept on moving - going forward. Building and thriving ; creating new things to go by, new memories, new acquaintances, new homes : bright things to be proud of and that would, all assembled together, make him “strong’’, and help him forget all about the dark depths of his pains that he overpressed. Until it accumulated so much it would crumble down on him, ending up into him bursting out one day when he won’t have the strength to hold all the darkness inside anymore and his weak self will remind him again of how pitiful, miserable and cowardly he’s been living his life pretending he was strong and could save everyone from their own demons when he wasn’t even man enough to face his own.

He had sworn to himself that would change, the moment he went up that junkyard a month ago after having been faced with a veritable beast menacing the life of the last person he’s ever cared for.

He’d face his own demons. Overcome them, if he can, maybe he’ll find strength at the end of the tunnel.

Cause his biggest weakness had too always been his greatest strength. His greatest dream and his worst nightmare.

An eternal Nemesis that was just a few steps ahead, at his reach, at last.

Sulking like a child on the second floor.

* * *

Chapter Text

Chapter X - Fragmented Memory

He knocks on the door an hour and a half later, once he's done with the cooking. He didn't hear her show any sign of life up there, and he wondered if she fell asleep, or if he'll end up finding out she just fled out the window.

But she was still awake, pretty much so, even if she didn't look like she was alive at all.

She didn’t turn on the light, and he doesn’t either in case she’d get startled.

“Hey...” he says when he enters the room, with caution, because he's afraid she might still be angry at him.

She's got her back turned on the door, and is holding her legs up to her chest like she did the night before. She's staring at the ground while rocking herself, and Ekko can tell from her lack of reaction that she's totally lost in her thoughts once again.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asks, but she doesn't answer.

She puts her head on her knees, digging her bony cheek into it, and closes her eyes.

When he approaches, he realizes she's humming a song.

He wonders if she's got a music in her head, or if she wants to listen to some but just doesn't have the strength or right knowledge to stand up and turn it on, so he sits next to her and makes his presence known by giving her a little bump of the knee on her hip.

“Want me to put on some music for your head?”

That gets her attention and she opens her eyes, looking a bit hopeful through her daze.

He smiles sadly and goes to turn on the music. When it plays, she stands up and comes to sit on the chair next to him.

“…Do you want me to show you how it works?”

He does so without waiting for her to answer, because he can tell that's what she wants, but she doesn’t seem in any right mind to process words. He's not really sure if she'll remember it, but for now, setting her thoughts on something more pleasant than whatever had her looking so sad would be a start.

He lets her try out with another disk, and when it works, she just stays there and watches it play, and he can tell from her expression that she’s sad, but she seems too lost in her thoughts to concretely cry over something. She looks down on the desktop and carelessly follows the scribbles on the wood with her fingers, humming the song to herself, and Ekko notices she looks exhausted, like she spent days and nights without sleep.

He glimpses at the several items scattered around the floor, and wonders how much energy she pulled into that tantrum of hers this time.

He puts his back against the desk and watches her for a long moment, wondering what’s in her head as he sees her eyes shimmer from tears but she keeps them locked inside her pupils, and just closes her eyes when it menaces to fall. She lays her head down on her forearms on the desk and breathes in calmly like they were never there, and even though he sees a tear roll down the tip of her nose, she’s smiling.

His hand is slowly brushing through her hair before he realizes it, and he rubs her forehead with his thumb trying to ease the painful thoughts inside it.

“Are you still mad?” he whispers, because he’s not sure if she wants to fall asleep, but she opens her eyes again and looks at him looking tired.

She doesn’t say anything, but straightens up slowly and looks away looking guilty, and he’s even more guilty though he doesn’t know why.

Maybe it’s because he hated her so much an hour ago when those memory boxes he’s locked away opened themselves and took over his thoughts.

“I’m sorry I made you upset...” he apologizes, and she looks at him again, looking surprised and taken aback by the apology, and when he sees her look away and pursues her lips, he wonders if she’s still mad at him.

She stands up suddenly and goes into the bathroom, and he sighs, wondering if she’ll just lock herself there and sulk again, but she comes back with her brush full of her hair from last night and hands it to him.

He’s a little baffled at first so he just takes it, but when he sees her go back to her seated position on the bed and glimpse at him with an unassured look, he understands the message and smiles softly.

He sits behind her, making sure he doesn’t step on her hair when he folds one of his legs on the mattress, and starts managing the strands to set them on his lap.

“You’re sure you’re not gonna snap at me?” he can’t help but ask, but his tone is gentle, and a little mocking, and he just knows she won’t get upset.

She brings her shoulders up like she’s being scolded but he chuckles cause he knows she’s faking it this time, and she chuckles lightly at the sound of his own, before going back to sulk between her knees and he sighs as he starts brushing her hair.

“I’m not…” she answers in a sad tone, her voice baffled by her knees, and he breathes in softly.

His heart starts beating more calmly again.

“I won’t ask you about your hair again… I’m sorry I made you mad.”

“I.. I’m not mad…”

“Ok….. that’s fine then.”

She doesn’t answer, and he eyes her worryingly, and he doesn’t like the silence. The music stopped because she didn’t set the right button on the record player so only one song played, and he doesn’t like the silence this time. It’s too oppressive and he thinks of the room downstairs and the huge clock ticking in the back and he can’t take it.

“I would have been sad if I didn’t get to brush your hair again.” he taunts, and he gets a response.

It’s a mocking giggle, and he smiles.

“You’re really bad at it...” she tells him and he acts like he’s shocked, cause hey, you should see that MESS.

But he can’t tell her that. He told her her hair were beautiful last time and well. She’s a child. A girl. No way he’s telling her her hair looks like a giant spider web mixed with a bin and an origami tree of whatever.

“Huh, wrong. I’m the best at brushing manes in this town.”

She laughs again, but he hears the way it fades, and he bites his lips as he watches her back, wondering what kind of expression she’s having right now.

“Second best.” he adds quickly before she overthinks it, and he sees her turn her face a bit, like she’s acknowledging his concern, and he feels his heart beat faster. “How are you feeling? Feeling a bit better?” he changes the subject to drive her thoughts somewhere else.

She lifts her shoulders to her ears again and sinks her chin into her knees, looking guilty once again, and she nods vaguely without saying anything out loud, but he picks up from her body language that she’s somehow apologizing.

“Everything’s fine, ok? I’m not mad at you…”

“You aren’t?”

Her voice is so small and filled with worry he feels his heart stir, and he can’t help but feel that chokehold on his throat tighten when he recalls all the negative thoughts he’s had towards her earlier.

“Why would I be? You did nothing wrong..” he tells her in all his possible honesty, and he meets her eyes when she turns her face to check his expression like she needed to see his face to make sure he wasn’t lying.

He smiles at her, and she turns around again to avoid his eyes.

“I…get mad sometimes… And it hurts people…”

Ekko looks at her back and feels his heart beating, but he resumes brushing her hair and clears his throat.

“Is that so…?”

“I… I don’t like it when it’s like that.”

He wants to ask “like what?’’, but he’s afraid the subject might be slippery. So he swallows down his saliva, thinks fast, and soothes her untangled hair with his hand brushing through it as if he was trying to sooth a wild animal that could attack him any moment because héhé, that’s a bit what this was, and he was both feeling very confident and very on edge right now.

He was trying to chase away the memory of the many people he knew and that she killed because he knew that the moment he'll start getting rough in his moves or cold in his attitude, she'll sense it and feel threatened.

“I can only guess it’s not easy for you..  to feel all this…”

She hugs her legs a bit more and he sees her shield herself in her shoulders again, and he hopes he can have her relax, cause he can tell she’s still pretty tensed, and even if he got her to speak, or at least answer him, he knew she could still freak out and go all massive break-down on him any given moment so he needs to be careful.

“But it’s fine, ok? I’m not judging you for it. I know it’s not your fault.”

He sees the way she jolts and tenses and his heart skips a beat when she does so, his grip on the brush tightening a little cause for a split second he’s afraid she’ll just turn around and attack him, but she doesn’t, and just curls-up even more like she wants to disappear into her own self. 

He keeps brushing her hair at the same pace, biting hard on his lip.

He waits because he knows she might say something, and as he thinks of all the things she might answer he imagines what must be going through her mind and he recalls the writings he saw on her wall in that trash place of hers in the junkyard. He glares at her and her tensed, frail form, and he already regrets saying this even if it was to reassure her.

“Just know, if it ever happens again… that you can get angry at me. I won’t mind it.”

He sees the tense leave her body a bit as she turns her face to look at him, and he shrugs a shoulder slightly when she does, looking her in the eyes.

“I won’t get mad. I know you don’t mean to be angry at me.”

He sees her face decomposing as she tries to hold in the tears but she turns away when they fall, and his eyebrows knit further when he feels this knot in his throat start building its way up to his own eyes.

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m right here... I’ll be okay to talk it out with you if you want.”

“I don’t want to talk…”

“Ok, that’s fine too… You don’t have to tell me anything.” he answers right away when he hears the broken tone of her voice and she sniffs softly, apparently managing to calm herself down, and he breathes out discreetly as he feels his heart beat like crazy.

He doesn’t say anything, giving himself some time to think of the better way to ease up the tension in the room, and he also gives her time to calm her silent tears. He keeps on brushing her hair silently, and the silence of the room starts being oppressive again, but he has no other choice than to ignore it this time.

When he’s finished with the first bunch of knots, he brings some strands together and gathers the tip in his fingers like a feather duster, before bringing it to her cheek and tickling her with it.

She jolts back, surprised by the sudden touch, but when she sees his kind expression and understands what he’s showing her, she relaxes.

“It’s all soft again...” she says in a broken, delightful tone, and Ekko smiles watching her, saddened.

Her split ends of hair were anything but “soft”, but he won’t be the one to tell her that. It was still better than the dried tangled hay she’s been carrying around these last few years, that was one thing sure.

She takes it in her hand and as he starts brushing the second part of the tangled strands, she slowly starts gathering the right part of her hair to her side and brushes it against her shoulder looking like she’s caressing a long-gone pet that ran away and that she’d found back weeks after she thought he’d be lost forever.

When he sees her lift her face and look at the window, chin on her knees and eyes wavering through un-shedded tears, he realizes she’s losing herself in her thoughts again, and another glance at her now, covered by hair shoulder, makes him realize she hid her tattoos with it. 

He clears his throat and speaks again.

“Wanna know a secret?”

“...Hm?” she asks vaguely, and he smiles, focused on his task.

“I’ve never brushed a girl’s hair before.”

She closes her eyes and barely smiles, but it’s still a smile, so he’ll take it.

“Liar…”

“I’m not ly..”

He doesn’t finish, but she doesn’t seem to notice anyway. She’s back at resting her cheek on her knee, and slowly rocks herself at the rhythm of his brushes.

Well… he did “brush’’ her hair once, but it was in a mocking way, and he didn’t even brush the hair, he mimicked a girl or a princess or a damn Piltover girl, it wasn’t like she would remember something like that.

“I assure you it’s true.” he finally says in a hoarse voice, cause damn he’s hot. The situation was awkward. “Even I have such a hard time brushing mine. It’s so curly when it’s dry I have to brush them under water.”

And now he’s oversharing. Please let her not notice how awkward he feels.

She arcs her brows and looks at him, and damn why did he bring up his hair? She was looking at it again making him feel like she’s analyzing his DNA and roots and shit and then she meets his eyes and he feels his heart beat, cause he can tell the moment she switches, and he smiles a bit when he sees the sadness disappear from her face and her features give him that smuggy Powder-look he loved so much as a kid.

“Doesn't it make the dye go away?" she asks, but the tone is one of a scoff.

There’s an old man underlined in her mocking eyes so he gives her the long face, and she giggles throwing her face back on her knees that she straddles again ; and for a moment he stops brushing her hair because he thinks she’s beautiful.

“I just started working early and had them white at an early age, ok? They started growing white when I was seven!”

She “pffs” in a mocking scoff and giggles again as he resumes brushing her hair, smiling while looking falsely annoyed.

“You wait until your hair start growing white and we’ll see how old you look then.”

“I’ll keep them long and white~ It will be beautiful.” she brags before putting her chin on her knees, and Ekko leans to the side to look at her face and she’s smiling with closed, tired eyes.

She looks relaxed, and rocks herself still. Her toes twitch through the feeling, and he smiles from the relief as he goes back to brushing her hair.

“What would you do with it once we’ve untangled all of them? Do you want to paint the bolts pink?”

He jolts when she suddenly turns around and slaps her hand on his leg, looking like she’s just been electrocuted on the spot.

“I haven’t thought of that!?”

She looks so lively all of a sudden that he can’t help but chuckle, but when he sees her bounce on her knees under the excitement he grabs her arm gently and makes her turn around again so that he can keep brushing her hair.

“Don’t hurt your knees.” he scolds but she shrugs her shoulders, taking back her position and staying still even though she seems way more excited now than she was before.

Her arms fall sloppily around her legs, and her shoulders are entirely relaxed now.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore, I’m fiiine.”

“You’re not fine . It will get better. But don’t force yourself.”

“Jeez… you’re so annoying sometimes.”

She chuckles again, so he doesn’t take it personally. On the contrary, he’s even hopeful when he hears her talk to him like this. She’s been here for what, two days, and have met him like four times before, and she already starts talking to him like she knows him again. He takes it as a good sign she’ll slowly start remembering who he was. In a way that won’t be too drastic and traumatic for her mind, he hopes.

“Maybe I’m annoying but I have such wonderful ideas, hey, you didn’t even think of painting them pink. What a waste of neurons.”

“I could have, you just happened to have thought of it before me.” she snaps back, moving her shoulders and face and hands , having that hasty attitude she used to have and he’s so glad she’s back, like her mind is slowly emerging through slight, more lively body movements, and he can’t help but smile warmly at that sight.

“I’m sure you’ll find a good one too… Someday…” he mocks.

“Show-off!” she grunts back.

He laughs, but it’s a little bit bitter this time, even though he knows she can’t tell.

He used to bicker like this with Powder all the time, when they were kids. They’d probably have kept on bickering like this as they grew up if only things had been different.

But he was no child anymore. She clearly had the same personality, had still some remains of her old self inside her, but he didn’t know how she would ever heal if she kept retrieving into her childhood-self like this? He knows he shouldn’t force her into facing the truth. Damn he couldn’t face his own truth either. But would she ever find the strength to? What would become of her, of him, of this moment, if she ever does?

Another nightmarish memory to lock away, he thought to himself.

A painful, coloured in joy, false hopes and fantasy, nightmarish memory.

A memory of things that could never be even though they had already been.

If only he had the possibility to relive them. Those little fragments that he shared with her ; little split seconds that made his feelings for her ; if only he could relive them again and again and explore each different path these possibilities of choices offered them, maybe then could he cherish them. When he would know he just had to rewind a few instants, to erase all the consequences of what would have been if he’d done that or said that. 

If only he could just go back three, four seconds backwards, then maybe wouldn’t he be frozen down by fear, every time he’d share a few instant like these with her where he would lost himself in the infinite pain of the paths and possibilities and consequences he sees happening before his eyes every time he’d think of doing or saying something to her. What if, what if, what if, No. IT always came down to this simple answer : no. He can’t. Not with her, not today, not like this, not ever.

If only he was given a few more seconds when living those moments, then maybe his mind wouldn’t be poisoned by those millions what ifs and millions Nos, that forced him to lock the memory away as soon as it was created, whereas his heart would fight back the prohibition, trying to reveal into the feeling, slowly giving in to the soft relief of contentment that it felt despite the sting.

If only he’d have more time, then he’d let himself live through it truly. Blindly. Feeling it with his heart and soul instead of his consciousness.

He’d let her be his weakness and not loathe her for it in fear of the consequence his love for her might engender.

For he knows she was no Jinx nor cursed from birth, but she was believing to be, and had decided to live up to her name. And even more than hurting by her pushing him away, he was aware of the consequences if she ever let him in.

Cause nothing good ever happened to the people she loved, for she wasn’t knowing how to take theirs without feeling like she didn’t deserve it, and there was no greater, more violent rejection, than the ones she created in order to keep herself from hurting.

And hurting the ones she loved had always been out of her hands, for she wasn’t the one in control anymore.

She failed in overcoming her fears a long time ago, and as much as she tried to pretend otherwise, Ekko had always known the truth.

For he too, had grown accustomed to the very same fears.

And was just as weak as her for letting them control him.

* * *

When he’s done brushing her hair she stands and toddles to the bathroom, and since she doesn’t close the door behind her and also, doesn’t turn on the light, he follows with a tired sigh so that he can turn it on for her.

He watches sadly at the scene when he sees her stop in front of the sink, looking confused and upset when she sees the few pieces of the mirror that remain on the wall. 

And since he saw it coming, he slowly brushes his hand on her back to comfort her.

“Hey… it’s broken, remember?” he tells her gently, and she pouts a bit, looking at the glass like she’s trying to piece it back together in her mind, or tries to figure out how she can move so that she’ll be able to see her reflection.

Ekko looks around then grabs the chair to bring it closer to the sink.

“Here, try with this.”

She looks at him then at the chair, and when she understands what he means she tries to stand on it and he helps her, but her feet hurt too much and she ends up going down, turning the chair around, then kneeling on it. She frowns as she tries to twist herself in front of the most unbroken piece of the mirror, but when she realizes it isn’t centered, she groans and tries to take it off the wall by sliding her nails behind the glass.

“Hey, wait...”

He grabs a comb from the shelf’s drawer and slides the thinner part behind the glass so that the big piece of the mirror she was going for unsticks itself from the wall. When it does he puts it on the sink, trying to wedge it between the wall and the tap, a little upwards so that it faces her, and when it holds still and she starts straightening her hair around her face while smiling, he sighs again and looks at her reflection.

“Is it ok like that?”

She keeps combing her hair, analyzing them like she’s checking if he successfully untangled all the knots, and when she goes down the chair to turn around and look at her back and how long her hair is, she starts giggling and Ekko can’t help but chuckle too.

“Happy to have your hair back I presume?”

Her smile is so genuine and bright when she looks at him he thinks he’s never seen either Powder or Jinx smile with such delight, and he can’t help but put his hand on her forehead, messing what’s left of her bangs around while he chuckles lightly.

“Don’t mess it up this time.” he tells her in a false lecturing tone.

She throws herself in his arms and he’s so shocked he doesn’t move, his hands still in the air as she puts her chin against his collarbone and lets out a little sigh of contentment. 

Her chin is so bony it hurts but she’s grinning like an idiot and seems so happy he doesn’t say anything, and just awkwardly pats her back.

“You’re welcome.” he says, cause he knows she’s hugging him because of the combing and the brushing and the bath or something and it’s her way of thanking him, but she just giggles and holds him tighter, and his heart is aching, beating fast like this. “You’re gonna have to learn to do it by yourself though. I’m having cramps from all that brushing.” he says ironically - but truthfully too, he has to be honest.

She lets go of his back chuckling and looks at herself in the mirror again, grabbing her hair like it’s a dress, and she turns around with it making woosh ~ sounds like her hair are wings flapping around her and he thinks she looks like an angel, but for once it’s not one of doom. 

She giggles stupidly while grinning at him and he takes in the sight one last time, before sighing in a smile and walking away, shaking his head.

“Come on now, we gotta put something in your stomach. I prepared some food.”

“But I’m not hungry.” she says, following him still with a little limp, and he lets her pass so that he can turn off the light cause it’s clearly not the kind of stuff she thinks about.

“Say that again one more time and I’m never brushing your hair again.” he warns her and she smirks, glaring at him through that too long bangs of hers.

“Pff.. you just said you won’t anyway.”

That smug, damn. He hates how sufficient she looks whenever she’d have that tone cause he hated how much he felt like a twelve year old boy totally in love that would just want to snap something back at her, just for her to smile at him when he’d end up being the one to give up the infinite talk-back and she’d be both so satisfied with herself and affectionate towards him for being the one to give up first and let her have the win that she’d just look at him like she was in love too.

He’s not twelve anymore. And neither was she.

“I might… if you’re nice and eat something.” he tells her with a false exasperated look, and she looks up thinking about it, but then her eyes are on the bolts on the desk and there’s a spark, and he sighs cause he knows the moment he’s lost her.

She limps closer to the desk and starts fumbling through the bolts and gadgets, and Ekko knows her mind is now set on them since her hair is finally untangled, and he goes to lay down on the bed with a tired, exasperated sigh.

“You’re gonna have to dress too at some point.” he tells her, feeling a slight chill run down his spine but be it the cold or the sleepiness, he doesn’t care about his own comfort, he just knows she’s gonna catch a cold at some point if she keeps wearing that bathrobe.

“My clothes are dirty.” she answers blankly, shrugging her shoulders, and he rolls his eyes.

“Of course there’s no way you’d wear those again, but I gave you clothes, don’t you remember?”

“I’m not wearing that ” she snaps and she cringes, looking on the side where the clothes are laying on the back of her chair, and he lifts himself up on his elbows, giving her the long face.

“You haven’t even tried them out...”

“Hm.. don’t care. It doesn’t look comfy. I like this...” she says, probably talking about the too big worn out bathrobe he gave her the day before and in which she seems to have taken up residence.

But it was his bathrobe and for fuck’s sake, it was so old and big and definitively not thick enough for the shop’s temperature, she couldn’t just keep wearing that around with a poor sweater on top.

“Just touch the inside of the pants, you’ll see it’s stuffed with cotton fabric? It’s soft and comfy I assure you.”

She looks curious when he says this and eyes the clothes warily, before sulking at the bolts she was trying to scrap with a cutter she’s found on the desk and she lets them go suddenly just to turn around and inspect the pants like the urge to touch it was too strong to be ignored.

Ekko smiles, and arches a brow at her when she gives him a pouting angry look when she realizes he’s right and the inside kinda does, feel comfy.

“See?” he asks her, and she groans an answer as she takes the clothes on her lap and starts turning them over, doing whatever.

She was probably going to draw on it before wearing them or some shit, so Ekko sighs again and gets up.

“I”m going to heat up the food. Join me when you’re done with the clothes ok?”

She groans something like an agreement so he sighs but can’t help but smile as he opens the door and lets it hang loose behind him, happy to realize that she doesn’t scream at him to close it.

It might be stupid sure, but to him, it is a slight proof that she’s not entirely mad at him like she was earlier when she locked herself in there and asked him to disappear.

She’s just sulking like a child, and sulking children never sulked long. 

Whereas Jinx held grudges.

And got people killed because of it.

* * *

He goes up again when he calls out to her many times and doesn’t get a response, but after having thrown his eyes to the ceiling when he understands she might have fallen asleep, he goes to wake her up because she. Needs. to. Bloody. EAT.

But she’s not asleep. She’s laying on her back with her head stuffed in the pillows and she’s cutting whatever pattern in a thick bolt, frowning at it like it’s offending her at every scratch.

“Hey, I’ve been calling you..?” he says carefully, cause she looks upset again, and he doesn’t know if she might be angry at him for whatever reason. 

In the back of his mind, he tells himself that he’s far from knowing what he’s doing here, and there could be a million reasons why Jinx, Powder, or a six year old brat would get mad at him for not providing her with what she needs.

Because he’s no father, he reminds you. Even if for now he thinks he’s done a pretty good job at handling her tantrums since no one died - he was going to say that no blood was spilled but well : little monster cut her hand on the first night, so he guesses he wasn’t that good, or she’s just too much of a bloody hurricane herself - he still needs to be cautious around her, because she could lose it any minute and he knows most of it would be because of him making a misjudgment.

She glares at him when he enters but just growls as an answer, not caring much about his presence, but that alone lets him know she’s not mad at him directly and is probably upset about something else.

Because the mere fact she didn’t flinch or looked threatened by his presence was already telling enough.

He sighs and goes to sit on the bed, wondering what was wrong now?

“What’s up with you? Don’t you want to eat..?”

“I’m not hungry!” she vents, and he sighs again, wondering why she’s so upset?

He realizes she’s put on the t-shirt he’s given her yesterday, and it’s hanging lose on her tights and almost touches her knees, but she’s added her pink-purplish faded sweater on top of her legs like a duvet and seems comfy in them but then he looks at the pants on the chair and wonders if she made a point of not wearing those just out of sass to annoy him.

“Why aren’t you wearing the pants I gave you? You’re gonna catch a cold… It’s literally nearing zero degrees outside.”

“I’m fine like this.” she answers coldly and he gives her the long face, trying to catch her eyes, but she’s focused on the bolt.

“What’s wrong with them?”

She suddenly sits up to throw the bolt across the room along with the sharp knife she was using and groans loudly, her hands showing claws as she tenses them to evacuate her anger. 

“It doesn't work! ”

He frowns, looking at her as she lets her back fall onto the wall and crosses her arms, grinding her teeth while looking on the side.

“The pants?”

“What? No, it’s too big, I don’t fit in them.” she answers vaguely and coldly like he’s disturbing her, and he bites his lip.

“I see… I'll bring you other clothes tomorrow, alright ? But you should still wear them at least for the night… it’s a bit chilly in here at ni-”

“I said it doesn’t work!” she shouts again as she takes another bolt and throws it in the corner of the room, and Ekko frowns again.

He looks around at the few bolts scattered on the bed and picks one up, looking at the little drawings she engraved in it, and arcs a brow.

“What’s wrong with them?” he asks in an empathetic tone, trying to calm her down, but she takes the bolt he’s holding and throws it away too.

“It doesn’t fit!”

He bites his lip and looks at her face, thinking carefully about what to say.

Of course it wouldn’t fit on straight hair, and the only way it would, would be, well, to braid them? But she seemed against it, so what the hell did she have in mind exactly when she wanted those bolts in her hair so bad but didn’t want to braid them again?

“Yeah, well… it’s because your hair is straight now so…”

She snorts and shakes her head and she’s back in a sulking position, bringing her legs up to her chest and holding them.

“I hate it… It doesn’t work and I hate it!”

Ekko throws his eyes up to the ceiling and sighs.

“Didn’t you want to paint them pink?” he asks again in an encouraging tone, but that wasn’t the right choice of words apparently, cause she gets even more angry and this time, it’s at him.

“You and your stupid ideas–I’m telling you it doesn’t fit, are you deaf??”

He keeps his mouth shut when she looks at him with enraged, reddened eyes that seem to be on the verge of shading frustration tears, and he holds himself from retorting anything cause for a moment, he thinks she’s too absorbed in her break-down to even realize she doesn’t make any sense.

“Maybe if we do like… buns between them? It could fit.” he tries to suggest, avoiding the mention of braids, but she shakes her head violently, kicking the mattress with her foot.

“I hate buns, I already told you!”

Then fucking BRAID THEM!!?? he wants to shout, but he breathes in deeply, and keeps it in. 

She never even told him that, that little shit.

“I don’t know what to tell you Jinx... You’re the one who wanted the bolts.”

Her nails dig themselves into her skin where she’s holding her legs fully wrapped in the too-large shirt, and she doesn’t answer anything, just shed silent tears, and his heart aches, wondering what’s wrong with her, and what she’s thinking about to be crying over this?

He eyes her hair thoughtfully and slowly brushes his hand through it - bringing a soft strain of hair near him trying to sooth it again so that it doesn’t get tangled.

“Maybe you can just leave your hair like that? You wanted them loose didn’t you?” he says gently again, but she shakes her head and sniffs, abruptly turning her head away from him.

“I wanted the bolts…” she whimpers in a defeated tone and he frowns, at a loss of words to comfort her.

He sighs looking at the bolts, trying to find a solution for her, but he doesn’t see any apart from braiding her hair, so he says nothing.

He doesn’t understand what’s happening in her head. How she’s been looking for bolts all this time in this junk-yard like it was her top priority in her treasure-hunt ; like she wanted to collect as many as she could to put back in her hair just to end up having them all untangled and combed again ready to be stylized but wanting to keep them unbraided. Why didn’t she want to braid them in the first place? It just didn’t make sense to him. 

He looks away at the room and paces out, trying to understand what’s going on through her mind. Maybe was it simply too broken to have come to the part where she’ll finally , be able to put bolts in her hair again. She probably fell onto a bolt in that junk-yard one day and her childish mind held onto it for dear life as it was comforting her and she just set her mind onto gathering as much bolts as she could as a way of having a goal of some sorts but now she realized she didn’t want to braid her hair anymore, and therefore would be incapable of setting her bolts into it.

Ekko tells himself the fact she doesn’t want to braid her hair could be more important than he thought, cause she had the choice between that and wanting bolts in her hair, and she seemingly chose the first. And he knew her love for bolts and cases in her hair. She even seemed so excited at the thought of painting them pink. But seemingly, she didn’t want to braid her hair even more.

“It’s alright” he tells her softly, rubbing her back smoothly. “We’ll find a way for you to use the bolts, but don’t get upset ok? We can find something else than bolts if you want. I can bring you accessories..”

“Don’t want to.” she mumbles dryly against her knees, and he just sighs.

“It’s alright...” he repeats absent-mindly, and sighs again as he looks down at her bandaged feet and thinks it was such a waste of energy.

All this time walking miles in search for bolts and treasures just to be unable to achieve the goal her broken mind had set itself onto. How hurt she got herself to feel and how wounded her body got in that junk-yard just because she was trapped in the mind of a child that held onto a memory that gave her a semblance of hope and joy and comfort.

She sniffs again and keeps sulking, and he just sighs and takes his hand off her back to throw it in his own hair, wondering how he can set her mind onto something else, calm her down and for fuck’s sake, get her to come down to eat something.

“The food’s ready if you want? You must be hungry after all this time…”

“I said I’m not hungry.”

He bites his lip hard and throws his head backwards, looking at the ceiling wondering if he has enough patience left in his soul to keep up with her tantrums.

“What if I tell you you can have sweets after it?”

She glares at him, but doesn’t answer, so he sighs again and the corners of his mouth twitch in a saddened smile.

Silence falls upon the room for a moment, and he looks at her hair trying to find a solution for her to stop sulking - and hurting - like that.

“Can I try something?” he asks after some time, taking a bunch of strains in his hands, and she shrugs her shoulders, apparently not minding much about what he’d do with her hair, like she’s given up on it entirely because it won’t comply to her will.

Ekko sighs and gathers her hair before parting it in two sections, eying it thoughtfully as he tries to think of any hairstyle he could make with it so that they could fit bolts or other hair pieces in it.

He didn’t lie when he said he never brushed a girl’s hair, let alone combed someone’s. Making little ponytails or messy braids for children at the Firelight’s hideout might have happened from time to time, but the result was anything but what an adult woman would call satisfying. Still, he recalls the women from the Tree combing each other’s hair, and tries to think of a few hairstyles that caught his attention and that he would have found pretty.

He thinks he’s got an idea, so he starts twisting it near her temples and gathers them up in the back of her head.

“Maybe if we tie it up like this on the sides-” he starts gently but she gathers her hair abruptly, forcing him to let go as she groans angrily.

Her face changes so violently that he thinks she might attack him, so he withdraws his hands with increasing heartbeats.

Her features are suddenly so drawn-out and tensed while her eyes widen madly that the first reaction he has is tensing his own body in means to hold in a strike or a hit, but her hands show claws as she twitches them in the air like she’s trying to hold in the anger before she hits at something - or someone, the someone being him, probably, cause he’s the one pissing her off - and she just grinds her teeth so hard her voice is muffled by them when she speaks again.

“I said it won’t work you just don’t listen– I hate this place!! I hate everything here! YOU too!?” she snaps angrily as she turns around to look him in the eye.

Ekko gives her the long face and rolls his eyes at the back of his head when he hears her say this, understanding that this was the tone of a tantrum and not one that could have Jinx attack him all of a sudden, so he relaxes his shoulders a bit. 

He sighs as he makes an annoyed hand gesture towards the door.

“You’ve literally been here for a day…”

“And I don’t like it!”

He clicks his tongue in annoyment and sighs heavily, getting up.

“It’s not my or this place’s fault if you can’t put them in your hair. It wouldn’t have worked down there either, you’d just be stuck with one hell of a mane and have junk for hair-clips.”

“But you said it would work! You always say nonsense anyway…I shouldn’t have listened to you.”

He doesn’t get creased, though he’s a bit annoyed by the accusation.

“I literally never said that…?”

She groans angrily and gets up, walking past him with as much strength and anger as she can put into her wounded feet and he sighs sadly, ready to calm her down and ask her not to hurt herself but she’s walking to the sink again and he’s afraid she might hit at the remaining piece of the mirror so he follows and readies himself to catch her body and drag her away from the wall as soon as he’ll see her make a move that would resemble an attempt at hitting the glass.

She tries to position herself in front of the broken mirror but when her leg bumps into the chair they’ve left there she turns around and looks at it with shocked features. 

She lets out an angry growl, and before he can do or say anything about it, she kicks it out of her way and shouts at it to back off.

“For fuck’s sake, Jinx!” he shouts at her when he hears her moan in pain and anger both equally, and when he reaches her he grabs her arm and turns her around quite abruptly. “Stop hurt_ing yourself! The fuck is wrong with you??”

“Back off!?”

She pushes him away and breathes hard through her anger, and while she goes back to staring at her reflection, frowning and upset, he looks at her just the same as he sighs and lets her have the space. 

She limps to the sink and helps herself with her hands on it to approach the glass, straightening her back once she’s set herself in front of the broken mirror piece, and then she starts moving her hair around trying to look for a solution but just as he did, she probably won’t find any other than braiding her hair, so he knows she’ll just end up getting upset again.

She groans in frustration and he sighs as he wipes his eye from the tiredness with his finger, then he looks at her bandaged feet and can’t help but notice how she seems to walk through the pain because she’s got one of them up on its toes so that she doesn’t have to feel pain on both of them all at once.

“We need to treat your feet again and re-do the bandages...” he tells her but she groans a denial, still focused on trying to find some hairstyle she could make with her hair that would include her damn rusty bolts.

He tries to catch her eyes but she doesn’t notice him, so he approaches again and puts his hand on her arm in a non-invasive way, brushing it smoothly in a comforting attempt, and she doesn’t seem to mind nor notice either.

“It will keep on hurting you if we don’t treat it regularly…”

“I said no. NO. I’m done.” she snaps at him, looking away from the mirror to finally focus on him and he’s about to retort back but she’s looked back at her reflection and probably remembered there wasn’t much she could do with her hair to put the bolts in them cause she throws her arm in the air angrily and groans loudly. “WOn’T WORK WITHOUT IT ANYWAY!!”

“Come on now, Jinx… you need to calm down..;” he sighs in exasperation as he brushes his hand on her arm, but she backs off again and moves her arm around to express her frustration.

“I won't! What do I care?? I’m done hurting them. I said we’re not doing it!”

God how could she sound so much like a child but have so much energy in her anger? He really wished this was a tantrum and not her really getting angry at him cause man, who knows if she didn’t have enough strength in her, even in that state, to kill him with bare hands.

“I know it will hurt, but you need to treat your wounds Jinx, you can’t just keep-”

“I won’t.” she harshly cuts him off. “I’m done listening to you, I said I won’t do it again. Leave me alone.”

He sighs heavily and groans too when she walks away, and she’s back on the bed in a sulking position and he thinks she’s a freaking time bomb right now so he wonders if he shouldn’t just knock her out and treat her wounds and maybe force food down her throat while she sleeps.

He’s back in the room after slapping his fingers onto the bathroom’s interruptor and he crosses his arms looking at her, obviously upset in his turn. He looks her up and down wondering what to do with her when she’s having that damn attitude but then he realises something and he’s fucking flushed in a matter of seconds.

“Fuck, shit. I’m sorry.”

She looks up from her sulking position and looks at him with a confused frown like she doesn’t understand why he’s apologizing all of a sudden, but he goes to fumble through one of the dresser’s drawers and clears his throat ignoring her stare. He withdraws an old underwear of his from the forgotten clothes that still lingered there from the times he used to sleep in this place and hands it to her, looking away at the window.

“Here... I’m sorry I forgot to bring you underwear but I… I’ll look for girl underwear tomorrow.. I promise.”

He feels her take the boxers out of his hand but she holds it up to her eyes looking puzzled, so he sighs again.

"It's just.. for tonight."

“I’m not wearing that .” she says in a disgusted tone, and he sighs for the hundredth time tonight.

“That’s all I have in here.”

“Who’s underwear is that anyway? It looks like a child’s.” she snaps dryly, and he rolls his eyes.

“It was mine. You should fit in them just fine.”

She growls to show she’s unsatisfied with both the gift and the answer but she starts putting it on anyway, and he looks away feeling uncomfortable.

“Anyway I… I’ll go get the creams.” he mumbles but she’s back at protesting the second she’s finished putting on the underwear, and her fists slam the mattress while she huffs.

“I said I don’t want to!?”

“You don’t have a choice.” he lectures her. He was upset enough to sound angry, and he notices the sudden change in her eyes and she seems like a child again, whereas this time the frustration on her face is entirely different from the one she seems to have when she’s protesting.

She closes in on herself and holds her legs again, looking away while sulking, and he can tell the tone had her give up the fight and she’ll comply, even though she’s not satisfied with the situation.

He gulps down his saliva when he goes downstairs to fetch the new creams he brought, and his heart is beating fast and aching at the same time. 

This whole situation was more complicated than he thought, and harder on his feelings than what he’d expected. It just seemed to him that he was taking care of an abandoned orphan he rescued off the street ; one that would be very traumatized and would have a hard time adjusting to people and its new surroundings. But on top of that, he’d known all about its dangerousness and he had to be even more cautious around it in order to keep it, him and said surroundings, safe from its chaotic potential.

Powder's never been an easy child to temper, understand or calm down - even if he never had to do so himself since he was nothing but a mere witness. He could only silently observe the hardships Powder was going through, when VI was the one that had to have the right words or attitude towards her in order to not disappoint her. Only now does he realize how hard it was, to have someone’s entire existence under your care. And he couldn’t help but feel a little sting in his heart at the thought of Vi and how she seemingly did a great job in managing her sister. 

Cause it’s only been two days and he was already starting to lose his patience, so he barely had faith in himself regarding the next weeks. He really hoped for the best and for Jinx to put in a little bit of effort because at this rate, either one of them will come at the other’s throat, or one will want to get away from this place so bad they might just end up blowing the place down along with themselves.

~ * ~ to be continued...