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What exactly is life? The prolonging of years, looking forward to an inevitable end. There's something solemn, near cathartic in the thought. Even if all life on earth ceased, the tides would still turn. The sun would still rise and sink and wander across a barren planet, unmoved by the fact it doesn't serve any purpose anymore.
Vivia wonders often, how'd it be. To cut the ties to the real world, and embrace the tendrils of the other side, always pulling at him. He's always been wandering too closely to the border, never really able to pick a side.
In a way, he's like an empty bottle, floating in the vast ocean of life. Not filled anymore, but still not quite empty. Not withering, not under light nor water, so he keeps getting carried by the waves, until he eventually strands somewhere. But even if the ocean dries and the tides stop kissing the beach one day, he'll stay right there, waiting for eternity to come sooner. For time to be kinder. For the cycle to end.
It's been a month since he left Kanai Ward, and he finds that he enjoyed the melancholy of the rain weary city. The sunlight feels bothersome, even if it's merely spring. He never liked the heat on his skin, the air carrying the calls of birds searching for their old partners. Some do not return from their journey.
Sometimes he'll stop and watch a lone bird, aimlessly waiting for a partner that may never return. Lost their life somewhere it will never reach, never having the closure of grief. If Vivia has anything, it's certainty.
The railway he finds is overgrown. Trees curiously lean over it, telling tales of times the train would rush through here. It hasn't in a very long time, Vivia thinks. In a way, it's like a graveyard nobody visits anymore.
But just like a dead star will remain in the sky for years to come, the railway stays there, unwavering. Waiting for eternity to come sooner. For nature to be kinder. For their materials to return to earth, graced with eternal slumber.
It's a spiral. The emptiness of waiting for salvation that never comes, unless someone comes in to save them. Maybe it's one of many setbacks. Vivia finds himself tempted, many times. To search for the second bird that didn't return from the south.
He settles on the tracks, feels the icy metal embrace him like an old friend. A silent witness to its mourning. "You and me are much alike", he whispers, tracing fingers over the edge, "Something taken from us that ceased all life within us, yet we can't seem to abandon the fantasy of it."
Like a lover waiting for their beloved to return, the railway idly hopes for their beloved train to roll into the station once again. A final time, a last kiss. A hushed goodbye, before it all collapses like a dream. Thinking it will get better, but it never does. What's dead is dead, and what's gone is gone. The ghosts of the memory cannot carry any comfort or warmth.
"Vivia?"
The voice carries to him like a birdsong, the melody riding on the warm spring breeze. Vivia has learned not to flinch at the sound of the voice, calling out his name. He hears it, often, when he's awake, when he's asleep. When his eyes wander off into the distance, hoping it had any earthen origin. But it's just that - a trick of the mind, a melody in the wind. The one the voice belongs to is no longer there, no matter how many times it whispers to him.
"Hey, Vivia? Don't you recognize me anymore?"
But this time, it's strange. Vivia lazily looks up. The sun blinds him, and he roofs his eyes with his hand. There's a silhouette standing there, next to the tracks. A dark shadow against the burning sun, a lost passenger who didn't get the memo that the train station went out of service decades ago.
"Chief Yakou?"
Vivia doesn't even realize he has opened his mouth. His vision clears, and he makes out the form of a hooded figure, blue hair poking out right under, tinted glasses and a smile. "So you haven't forgotten about me just yet. Got me kinda worried there for a second, Viv."
Vivia blinks. Maybe he had it all wrong. Maybe the deserted station was a delusion, so the threat of the oncoming train wouldn't be so painful to bear. Perhaps he had died on those tracks, blood and guts splattered, and this is his guardian angel, picking him up to his final resting place.
"What are you doing here?", he asks. Yakou frowns. "Really? Cold. I thought you'd be happy to see me."
Yakou steps closer. He's just the way Vivia remembers, with those eyes that notice even the hint of Vivia's lingering ghost, the air filling the empty plastic of his soul.
"Is this the end?", he asks. Yakou tilts his head. "You're acting like I'm, what, the reaper? Gee Viv, I thought you of all people would be used to see the dead walking."
He draws closer, hunching down in front of him. Up this close, Vivia can clearly see his features, the way his eyes reflect Vivia within. He could nearly believe he was real, if it wasn't so impossible. His heart aches inside his chest.
"Did you get lost again?", Yakou asks, "Well, I had a bit of trouble finding you. You're not someone who leaves a lot of traces, I'll give you that. Glad you're on the side of the good guys." He sits back on his heels, settling at the edge of the rails. "I guess I owe you an apology. And-"
"An apology?" Vivia raises an eyebrow. "For what, exactly? I found the way you went out quite noble."
There's the hint of a grimace on Yakou's face. "For leaving you alone for so long." He wraps his palms around his knees. "You see, when I was down in the restricted area, lost by myself, I still thought about a blur of midnight and green."
Vivia peeks up at him. He never took Yakou for the poetic type.
"And then... Someone saved me. She found me and gave me another chance to make things right. She... She worked on a way to save people like me, after they've passed. To regenerate their destroyed braincells. It was a gamble, but it worked."
Vivia feels an uncharacteristic rise inside his chest, the way his heartbeat suddenly picks up. The way his face warms, and his fingers itch with a foreign sensation.
"I found Makoto, and we had to run some tests on my blood for the formula. It's unclear whether or not it'll work on the others too, or if I was just very lucky." Yakou stands up, bowed over, reaching out his hand. "But I knew I had to find you. No matter how long it'd take, I wouldn't waste this chance. It's so strange, outside of Kanai Ward, the sun-"
"You're... real?"
Vivia had thought it was an illusion. A figment of his imagination, a scenario cooked up in his subconscious, while his destroyed body was bleeding out on the tracks. A dream to ease his suffering, meeting the one he missed more than he ever missed anything in his life. His voice, his scent, laced with traces of cigarette smoke. The way his eyebrows crease and the edges of his mouth crinkle. The way his eyes look at Vivia with confident affection. With love.
Yakou huffs. "You think I'm handsome enough to be an angel?"
Vivia moves slowly, taking Yakou's hand. It's like back then, back when Yakou came running after him in the elevator. Like a lost dog that chases after the most unsightly bone. He didn't understand, back then, and he doesn't understand now why he goes such lengths.
But one thing is for certain - Yakou is warm under his touch. He's not the corpse of a star tricking him to think the light is one of life. He's the one that rises steadily up north, guiding him home. Home to the one place he ever felt at peace at.
"When you said", Vivia starts, his fingers curling into Yakou's palm, "When you said I'll leave the rest to you, it sounded like goodbye."
Yakou wraps his hand around his. "I didn't expect to chase after you even beyond the grave, but here I am. And this time, I won't leave you behind."
And Vivia lets him pull his weary body up. Feels how his legs protest and his knees weaken, his his heart sinks with want. He falls into Yakou's arms, a surprised yelp, but he catches him just fine. "Take it easy, Viv", he whispers. Vivia lets himself melt against him, his chin rested on Yakou's shoulder, arms wrapped loosely around him. Grounding him, into believing they aren't ghosts.
"Too bad", he murmurs, tugging at the hem of Yakou's jacket, "I wanted to die someday." Yakou grunts and holds him a little tighter. Vivia finds himself suddenly very exhausted. More than usual. "Unfortunately, to keep me company, you will have to carry me."
He earns a soft laugh, and Yakou unwraps himself to point behind himself. There, at the entrance of the abandoned train station stands a lone black suitcase. "Talked to Kurumi to find you", he says, "Got to know a couple of things. Ready for a ride?"
Vivia feels a rush, just briefly. Surprise, relief. Hope, maybe? Maybe it's peace. He's not too sure. The only thing he knows is that his heart beats more lively than usual, and he finds himself smiling.
"How does dinner sound?", Yakou asks, wrapping his arm around Vivia's shoulder as they start walking down the railway.
Vivia wants to die someday. Somewhere peaceful, a fireplace, a home. Next to a person he loves with what little he has to offer, who's capable of loving him in return.
He wants to die like that. Someday, maybe. But not today.