Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hi guys! It’s Yeah Jaron, and welcome to another late night conspiracy theory! I just want to start off by thanking everyone who voted for our next series. Drumroll please…”

“You guys voted on Celebrity Conspiracy! Not gonna lie, I’m glad that you guys chose this one…I have a lot of things planned for this series!”

“Make sure to tune in!”

“In the meantime, let’s start off with something spicy! Apparently, the Mexican government has claimed to have found aliens, but I think that’s a little far fetched, even for me…”

***

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

New Video is out!! Check it out!

12:30 AM - Oct 2, 20XX

16 Retweets - 8 Quote Tweets - 138 Likes

Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

A NEW VIDEO!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!

SandBees @BeesLmao

Yeah, the alien photos are what did it in for me. Did the Mexican gov even try????

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

Im sad that Old Theories Reviewed didnt get picked :( Excited for the new series though!!!!

Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

 @Yeah_Jaron Can we get a little sneak peak of who you’re going to cover first? 👀

     Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

     Well, let’s just say they’re a real bloodsucker ;)

     Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

     HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT??

 

***

Jaron groaned, stretching his back. Another day, another day of recording. He had finally gotten the results from the poll, and the results were shocking. Frankly, he had expected his audience to choose the “Bestiary” series. It was still a pleasant surprise - he had wanted to do the series for so long!

There was an old notepad right by his desk, beckoning him to open it. Jaron grinned, reaching for it.

“Looks like I get to finally use you, old friend.”, he smiled to himself.

“JARON!!”

He flinched, dropping his notebook. Groaning, Jaron stalked to the doorway, opening it.

“What do you want, Ash?”

Ash sighed, taking a long sip of coffee. Jaron considers slamming the door on his face. But, as the better roommate, he won’t. Even if Ash was being a huge jerk.

“It’s literally two am. Can you go to bed so you don’t give me another emotional crisis?”

“But you’re drinking coffee.”

“I’m being a productive member of this capitalist society. But that’s besides the point. Go to sleep.”

“No it- Fine. I’m going to bed, I recorded what I needed to anyways.”, Jaron rolled his eyes.

“Great, goodnight. Also, have you ever heard about sleeping pills?”

Jaron slammed the door on his face. Fuck being the better roommate. He flops onto his bed, the wave of drowsiness finally hitting him. Tomorrow would be another day, and Jaron would be prepared for that.

Chapter Text

“Branzy, a popular Youtuber with over 10 million subscribers is known for his challenge videos and entertaining content, but is there more that meets the eye?”

“Hey guys, it’s Yeah Jaron. As you know, I’m starting off with my Celebrity Conspiracy! Today, I want to talk about popular social media star Branzy! It’s obvious that he’s a vampire, and I can’t believe no one’s talked about it before.”

“I mean - look at this! He’s obviously got some sharp canines there. It’s perfect for blood sucking! And that halloween special he did two years ago? I have evidence that the “actor” he got as the victim is a missing person.”

***

“Dude. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Jaron raised an eyebrow, “Pouring milk into the bowl? Don’t tell me you’re the kind of freak to pour the cereal in first.”

“First of all, that’s disgusting, cereal always goes in first. But I’m not here to argue about that.”, Ash shook his head, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, attacking someone as big as Branzy like that? You’re going to get doxxed by his fans.”

Jaron laughed, “You mean that? It’s just a silly series my fans voted for. Besides, it’s not like Branzy would actually see it.”

“Dude, have you not checked your notifications? You’re on the trending tab.”

“I’m on the WHAT!?”, Jaron carefully placed down the milk in a panic, scrambling for his phone.

He could only stare in amazement at his video appearing as number five and rising on the trending tab. He had five million views. Five million. That was the highest number of views he had ever gotten in his life.

It appeared that it got positive reception as well. He could scroll through the comments for ages and the majority were positive. His heart skipped a beat, his excitement bubbling.

“Congrats, you’ve literally doomed the two of us.”, Ash sighed, “I guess I’m going to start packing.”

“Oh, shut up. I already made a disclaimer saying that everything was in good nature- HOLY SHIT BRANZY COMMENTED?!”

“He what ?”

Jaron showed him the comments, looking ecstatic. Ash leaned over, undoubtedly curious. 

BranzyCraft 5 minutes ago

I must apologize to my viewers…I have lied to you. Not only am I a vampire, I am a sparkly vampire.

60k likes    5k dislikes    Reply

                                      103 Replies▼

“He likes my video! That’s awesome!”, Jaron cheered.

“...That’s great.”, Ash strained, “But Jaron, aren’t you worried about who you’re going to cover? Who are you even covering? That shit could’ve gone worse.”

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing!”, Jaron laughed, “Besides, it’s all in good fun. It’s not even true anyways, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

***

“Branzy, he obviously knows. We need to kill him.”

Branzy spit out his drink, hiding a laugh. Clown was adorable when he got overprotective. It wasn’t unwarranted either. Both of them had found the video when their fans had alerted them. At first, Branzy was very concerned. He had gone through many lengths to keep his secrets hidden - how had this nobody gotten ahold of them?

But once he watched the video, Branzy felt his worries melt away. He had to admit - Yeah Jaron had untapped potential. He was entertaining and knew how to keep your attention. Besides, it seemed that Jaron himself didn’t believe his own theories. It was a goofy start to the series, and it’d be better for the both of them to let it ride out as a silly joke.

“What!? Of course not Clown, he got the story all wrong anyways! Red didn’t even die, he just changed his identity again.”, Branzy laughed, flicking Clown’s mask teasingly, “When have you been this protective, huh?”

“You’re taking this too lightly.”, Clown grumbled, “This guy knows you’re a vampire.”

“Allegedly.”, Branzy replied lightly, “We already made sure of anything too incriminating about my vampiric tendencies. Besides, the fans are loving it, have you seen the fanart!?”

Clown sighed, “When this gets blown out of proportion, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

“He’s a conspiracy theorist, who would believe him?” Branzy said, his eyes gleaming, “We’ll make sure of it.”

***

{ Twitter DMs Between @BranzyTweets and @Yeah_Jaron }

Branzy: Hi Jaron!! Dropping by to say that your video was fun to watch!

Branzy: Maybe we should collab one day!

Branzy: Your videos have given me a lot of inspiration :)

Jaron: WH

Jaron: I MEAN

Jaron: TOtally! I’d be honored to do a collab with you!

Branzy: That’s great to hear, I’ll give you my discord so we can talk there.

Jaron: Sure!!

Branzy: Can’t wait! :)

***

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

Thank you so much for the positive feedback! Let me tell you - the next video is going to be a daring one!

I’ll give you a hint; I’ve covered him before.

4:30 PM - Oct 7, 20XX

32k Retweets - 2.3k Quote Tweets - 53k Likes

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

Oh my GOD IS IT WHO I THINK IT IS!?

SandBees @BeesLmao

So glad to see you growing, Jaron!

Bribri @Yellowte

Can we talk about how this guy just appears out of nowhere? He’s got to be botting for views.

     Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

     You’re just jealous he’s finally getting the attention he deserves >:(

 Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

OMG IS IT MAPICC? PLEASE TELL ME ITS MAPICC

     Itsasmallworld @FunkyM00Bl00m

     Who tf is Mapicc??? /genq

     Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

     He’s a fucking PSYCO. Jaron literally theorized he came straight from hell.

     DevilDare @D3v1lD4rex

     LMAO he’s not wrong tho

Chapter Text

“Mapicc, the golden boy of the daredevil community, is known for his dangerous stunts and knack for getting into trouble. It’s like he PURPOSELY gets into trouble. But what if it isn’t his fault?”

“Hey guys, it’s Yeah Jaron. It’s the second episode of Celebrity Conspiracy! This week, we’re covering Mapicc! My OGs will remember that I had made a mini-theory of Mapicc about this topic, but I only claimed that he just crawled up from hell. Now, I think I can prove that he’s an actual demon.”

“Wait, wait, hear me out before you click off! I swear that he’s a genuine demon from hell! He literally walked through an entire column of fire unscathed! Yes, he claims that it was staged and that he wouldn’t have gotten burned in the first place, but I have evidence to disprove that!”

***

Mapicc @MapiccMc

If I had a nickel for anytime someone has tried to say I’m a demon, I’d have two. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s hilarious that it happened twice

Thanks for being a fan, @Yeah_Jaron ! Can’t wait to see what else you’re cooking up ;)

12:04 PM - Oct 9, 20XX

60.4k Retweets - 23k Quote Tweets - 104k Likes

hatsunemewku @Catsoutofthemiku

Who’s @Yeah_Jaron and why is he involved with calling Mapicc a demon?

D3v1lD4r3 @D3v1lD4r3x

HE’S RIGHt AND YOU KNoW IT!!!11!!

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

WHAT!? HOW- HUH

     SandBees @BeesLmao

     WHAT’S IT LIKE LIVING MY DREAM MAN????

     Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

     He’s actually getting mainstream attention…my boy is growing up...

 Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH NO FUKING WAY

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

If I had a nickel for everytime Jaron got attention from a celebrity, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s hilarious that it happened twice.

     Andy @_TSCi_

     It’s so weird that he’s getting all of this attention. It’s gotta be some sort of publicity stunt.

     Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

     It isn’t! No one could have predicted this!

     Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

     Yeah lmao his fans voted for this weeks ago. He definitely didn’t have the time.

Mikamu @M1kamuuu_

I remember that guy! Crazy how he went from a small cc to getting millions of views.

***

“How the fuck did he even figure that out…”

Mapicc was sure that Jaron had to know. Sure, it was all played off as a joke to the fans, but Mapicc knew that he knew. Jaron had to know, because if he didn’t, then how the fuck was he so accurate in this theories!? Mapicc had wiped his past clean, replaced it with a fake backstory so he could live with the humans in the Overworld.

It stressed him out - he did everything to keep his secret safe! How could some random guy on the internet easily figure it out!? Who else knew!? Did Mapicc have to skip town and create a new identity!?

“Mapicc, can you stop thinking loudly?”

“Shut up, Bacon! I’m trying to think of how this guy figured me out!”, Mapicc scowled.

“Dude, it’s not that big of a deal.” Bacon rolled his eyes, leaning on Mapicc, “Did you not see the disclaimer card? Even he knows that his little “theory” is outlandish.”

“Yeah, to tell the viewers! He’s gotta know.”

“Mapicc isn’t wrong.”, Parrot frowned, “He was right about Branzy.”

“Okay, but Branzy’s been making jokes about him being a vampire for ages. I don’t think that counts.”

“Well, twice feels like a coincidence at that point.”, Parrot frowned, “Do you know where he lives?”

“No, why would I-”, Mapicc paused, grinning, “Ohhh, I see where you’re going with this. We can ask Ash, he could probably find his address easily.”

***

Mapicc: ash I need to ask you for a favor

Ash: what the fuck do u want

Mapicc: you know that guy that blew up on youtube? 

Mapicc: i need his address. ASAP.

Ash: No

Mapicc: ASH PLEASE

Ash: why tf would I wnat to

Mapicc: what if he covers you!?

Mapicc: dont you find it super weird that he correctly guessed our identities?!

Ash: im pretty sure both were just pure coincidences.

Ash: plus he has some good cyber security. u wouldnt even be able to track him

Mapicc: i cant believe this.

Mapicc: you, swaggin, the extraordinary hacker extraordinaire

Ash: flattery gets u nowhere

Mapicc: cant even find the location of some small time youtuber

Ash: hes a conspiracy theorist

Ash: its literally in the job description to be a paranoid fuck

Mapicc: youre useless.

Ash: cope

Ash: …but if u must know, hes planning to do Planet next

Mapicc: hes planning to do WHO

Chapter Text

“Planet, infamous astronaut and pioneer of today’s space exploration team. He’s been in the public eye ever since he became the Chief Engineer of NASA. But it is very odd that he had shot up from an intern to the head honcho. I believe that there’s more to it…”

“Hey everyone! It’s Yeah Jaron, and welcome to Celebrity Conspiracy! This time, we’ll be talking about Planet, and how he’s totally an alien.”

“Okay, so this MIGHT be a stretch, but I swear he’s an alien! Like, come on, he’s such a nerd about space, and knows a little too much about space. I’ve found so many clips of him just stating random space facts that just can’t be confirmed, nor do they have proof. Let’s go over this video now…”

***

NASA @NASA

Chief Engineer Planet Lord is not an alien. He prefers the term Extraterrestrial Being.

11:23 PM - Oct 16, 20XX

409k Retweets - 93k Quote Tweets - 894k Likes

Muu @onmuuu

HELLO WHAT?? WHO HACKED NASA??

     shadowstrike @Shadow1Fan

     I think theyre referencing a Youtube video. Havent seen it but I heard its funny lmao     

SandBees @BeesLmao

LMAOOOO I CANT BELIEVE NASA ACKNOWLEDGED IT

Bribri @Yellowte

What the hell?

planet @planetlord_

Okay, who took over the NASA twitter account?

     Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

     LMAOOOOOOOOOOO THIS CANT BE REAL     

     Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

Imagine your own co-workers turning against you

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

Damn no one is safe from Jaron lmao

Andy @_TSCi_

You know, I’m kind of seeing the appeal of this…what’s the next video about?

     Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

     No one knows. Though he likes to give hints with his upcoming videos occasionally.

     Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

     I do! Though, I’m sure this next one will be a little out of left field…I’d call it a bit of a sticky situation if this goes wrong…

     Nikki @Niachi_Xx

     well, THAT’S concerning

Mikamu @M1kamuuu_

This is the wildest tweet to ever come out of the official NASA twitter account.

***

“PAY UP, BITCH!” Spoke shouted, phasing through the door.

“Oh, motherfucker…”, Planet groaned, fishing out ten dollars, “Why couldn’t he wait five more fucking weeks…”

Ro laughed from the couch, scrolling through his phone, “Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t get caught sooner, you were pretty obvious.”

“How was I supposed to know that my natural knowledge hasn’t been proven here?!”, Planet said, “I can’t believe that guy went that far to fact check me anyways…”

Planet slumped to his seat, lost in thought. His entire life was dedicated to learning about the Earth, and he had learned so much. But, it’s not like he was planning on staying. But with all the friends he had made down here, it had become progressively harder to leave. But he might’ve been exposed with this one video, and what other choice would he have? He’d be forced to leave everything he made for himself here behind.

It wasn’t fair.

“Maybe we should find this guy.” he said finally.

“What gave you that idea?”

“He’s obviously dangerous to us.” Planet pointed out, “He’s done it three times in a row, with a lot of accuracy and good evidence. Sure, people are going to think it’s a joke, but as his series continues, who’s to say that people won’t start seeing a pattern.”

“I get you, everyone has the same concerns. But it’s going to be a pain in the ass to try and find the guy.”, Ro sighed, “I was talking to Mapicc yesterday, and he said even Ash couldn’t track him down.”

“Ugh, you guys are being over the top about this.”

“We’re being over the top? Didn’t you try and send him a trojan horse over his business email so you could haunt him for weeks?”

“That’s besides the point. Look, when there’s a rising creator, you know what happens?” Spoke continued, “They’ll be invited to Vidcon. And you know what that means?”

“...They’ll get invited to that VIP hotel Branzy and the others go to.”, Planet concluded, “But that’s six months away! What the fuck are we going to do if people connect the dots before then!?”

“Well, it’s not like people believe him now.”, Ro shrugged, “‘Sides, didn’t Branzy just say to embrace it? Something about the Streisand effect or something along those lines. We’ll be fine. As long as no one actually believes Jaron’s claims, it’ll be water under the bridge.”

Chapter Text

“As one with a positive reputation, Spepticle is well known for his light-hearted but confusing pranks. Everyone loves Spepticle, even his own critics respect his grind. But this isn’t about his reputation. This video is more about his own pranks.”

“Hey guys, it’s Yeah Jaron, and today we’ll be covering Spepticle! But guys, let me be serious - I think he’s some sort of human version of a Bunyip. Like, half of the time his pranks involve him getting thrown into various bodies of water. How hasn’t he gotten sick from that ever!? Seriously, when you click on his channel, the past uploads will always end with him being dunked into water!”

“But if you guys don’t know, Bunyips are Australian mythical creatures that live in bogs and eat people. Not to say that Spep eats people! But it is rather odd that he can stay in the water for a long amount of time (I’m pretty sure he could break the world record if he tried). But let’s get down under and explain why I think Spep is this very strange creature…”

***

Jaron smiled, waving at the camera, “Thank you so much for watching! Make sure you like and sub- huh?”

There’s something dripping above him. Jaron furrows his brows, wiping his face. He grabs the camera, showing off what dropped on him.

“It smells terrible…why is it sticky??”, Jaron says behind the camera, panning it slowly upwards.

There, up above, is a familiar face to some viewers. Spepticle grins, showing off his teeth. Somehow, he’s sticking onto the ceiling, dripping wet.

“Boo.”

Jaron screams as Spepticle suddenly falls. The video cuts off from there.

***

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

I hope you enjoy today’s video! Did you like the surprise? ;)

Special shoutout to @Spepticle for the collaboration! It was awesome to work with you! 

12:04 PM - Oct 23, 20XX

72.4k Retweets - 31k Quote Tweets - 374k Likes

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

Here’s a hint for the next video: He’s an up and coming star ;)  (I’ve also taken a photo with him once)

     SandBees @BeesLmao

     OMG I THINK I kNOW WHO IT IS

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

THAT ENDING SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

Spepticle @Spepticle

It was so fun making that video with you! Can’t wait to collab again!

     AndyIsDone @AndyLei

     That was hilarious. New sub earned!

Nikki @Niachi_Xx

God, what I love about this series is the variety of celebrities he’s covering. 

     KiannelKel @KianneKel

     I know right!? Like, he even went after the Chief Engineer of NASA!!

     Lolalola @Llolallolafan

     Here’s to hoping he exposes the President of the US to be a lizard person.

***

“Again, thanks for agreeing to collabing with me.”

“It was no problem! Do you know how hard I laughed at the email!?”, Spepticle grinned.

The two shared a laugh, as Jaron poured some coffee for his new friend. It was weird - having someone over for once. Usually Ash was the one to bring in guests. Not that Jaron minded, but this was a nice change of pace.

“Jaron, I got the groceries- what the fuck?”

Jaron’s grin widened, “Oh, hi Ash! I was just talking with my new friend over here.”

Spepticle and Ash looked at each other, the former looking like a deer caught in headlights. Ash set down the bags of groceries he had brought. His attention was now on Jaron, who was a little confused as to why Ash was suddenly quiet.

“I have a few more bags downstairs.”, Ash announced, “It would be nice if my roommate can help.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I’ll go grab the rest.”, Jaron rolled his eyes, “Entertain our guest here while you're at it.”

“I’m sure the two of us will have an… interesting conversation.”, Ash reassured, his eyes narrowed.

Jaron nodded, passing Ash. The two sit in silence for a moment, watching Jaron’s movements until he reaches the stairs.

“...You’re Jaron’s roommate?” Spepticle blurted out once Jaron was out of sight.

“He is. Why the hell are you here?”

“He asked to do a collab, and I agreed.”, Spepticle shrugged, “I wanted to know who’s the guy that's got everyone so stirred up.”

“Well, kindly, leave .”

“Ooooh, is the great Ash-Swaggin afraid I’ll tattle~?”, Spepticle said, his grin unnaturally wide, “That’s a first.”

“I’m not- Fine. You better not tell anyone you bog-drenched aussie.”, Ash scoffed, crossing his arms, “...And I won’t let you hurt him.”

“Oh, Ash,” Spepticle smiled innocently,  “I shouldn’t be the one you should worry about.”

Chapter Text

“Pangi is a popular Twitch streamer known for his variety content. A lot of the attention comes from his Sea Fact Thursdays - where he and his stream look at information about the sea in general. What’s more interesting is his anecdotes.”

“Hi guys, it’s Yeah Jaron, and today we’re covering Pangi! Many of his stories captivate his audience, but when looked at closely enough, those stories seem too crazy to be true. I mean come on, swimming with a beluga whale? He’s in the Netherlands, and belugas are in the Arctic! That’s not to mention that there’s no pictures or evidence of him going to the ocean at all!”

“Now, I doubt he’s just straight up lying - I’m sure he’s just private about that side of his life - but there’s also another reason for that. I believe that he’s a selkie! Let’s dive deeper into this conspiracy and see where it takes us!”

***

Bribri @Yellowte

Can we finally talk about this @/Yeah_Jaron guy? Like, he’s openly bringing up past controversies these celebrities were in for clicks.

I mean yeah “for the algorithm” and shit but isn’t this really disrespectful to these celebs? Especially with Pangi…yeesh, get a life. Pangi’s done nothing to you.

12:04 PM - Oct 30, 20XX

9.2k Retweets - 306 Quote Tweets - 4k Likes

Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

Ur just jealous >:(

Aithena @Gr33kG33k

No but seriously! Mapicc got a ton of shit again from the newer people in the community after the video dropped. I get that it’s for fun but he needs to be aware of who he’s talking about and what he’s bringing up.

     Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

     Literally Jaron has done nothing wrong. Neither him or his fans would have expected his first video to pop off as well as it did. Seriously, the series is more for his fans over the years than for any “algorithm”.

Itsasmallworld @FunkyM00Bl00m

I get where you’re coming from, but he literally puts a disclaimer saying to not attack anyone from his videos and that all of it is good fun and to not look at it too deeply.

Emergencyfood @PaimodialWrath

Jesus, that sucksssss. Can’t believe no one else is talking about this!!

BloodyScreamer @AbbeyScreams

Moots you follow him >:(

***

Pangi @PangiLive

Hey everyone! Please do not attack @Yeah_Jaron. I do not condone those sending him hate.

12:04 PM - Oct 30, 20XX

62k Retweets - 17.5k Quote Tweets - 254k Likes

Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!!!

SandBees @BeesLmao

Oml that’s crazy that Pangi’s actually calling people out.

Rose @Rosejewelx

We’re quiet about our private life, but don’t go after people who are just doing things for fun.

     Nosioci @ CoiCoi

     Wow…this just sounds like a lot of drama that got blown out of proportion

     Willow @ WillowsLyfe

     Damn I’m just seeing this guy’s content and he’s HILARIOUS

***

Pangi groaned, slumping onto the couch, “Ugh, I hate having to calm down my fans…”

“Hey, it’s not your fault some of your fans are children.”, Rose reassured him, sitting down next to him, “At least we’ve already told them we aren’t condoning their actions.”

“I know, but what if I didn’t? I mean, he’d probably leave social media if we let it get worse.”, Pangi said, “And if he left, he wouldn’t post any more Youtube videos exposing all of us!”

“Or he would continue despite the hate.”, Rose replied reassuringly, “Don’t worry about it too much, Pangi.”

Pangi sighed, leaning onto Rose, “This is like, what, the 5th time? How can he correctly guess our identities 5 times!?”

“It is a little silly. But it’s probably just him being very lucky.”, Rose said.

“He theorized Spepticle as a bunyip. How can he guess that out of all of the water based myths?”

“...okay, so he might have a lot more than luck going for him.”

***

Jaron frowned, scribbling a bunch of notes again and again. Sure, his recent video had gotten a lot of controversy, but overall it had gotten positive reception. Still, he was getting a little concerned, especially over how his roommate was acting as of late.

“...That’s the end of today’s video, so see you guys next time!”

Jaron gave his signature wave, ending the recording.

“You’re not actually planning to upload that one, are you?”.

Jaron jumped, swirling his chair to look at Ash. He stood there, his arms crossed with a strange expression on his face.

“Have you been there the whole time?”

“I listened in halfway.”, Ash shrugged, “But dude, are you sure? That guy’s rich enough to sue you for defamation.”

Jaron laughed, leaning against his chair, “It’s not defamation if I disclaim it’s not true! Besides, what’s the chance that he’d actually watch it?”

Chapter Text

“An esteemed business man and CEO of many companies, we still don’t know much about Red Doons. He’s been very elusive - not even the best photographers can get a clear picture of him. Paparazzi flock his buildings just to get a glimpse of him, but he always manages to slip out unaware. Many theorize that this is because Red always comes out disguised, but I think there’s more than that.”

“Hi guys, it’s Yeah Jaron, and today, we’ll be talking about Red Doons! Yeah, yeah I hear all of you. “Are you crazy!? Why would you go after someone as big as that!?” Well let me tell you why - it’s hilarious. Besides, I doubt someone as busy as him would actually see this. Anyways, my theory is that he’s actually not using disguises - he’s a genuine shapeshifter!”

“Disguises aren’t perfect, and there’s so many things that can go wrong. Statistically, he should’ve been caught at least once . But that’s besides the point - have you seen any of the rare interviews he does have? I swear, his eye color changes ever so slightly. Let’s just jump in so I can show you how weird his appearance can shift!”

***

Reddoons 1 minute ago

Lmaooo this is the first conspiracy theory made about me. Wish this happened sooner.

1.2m likes    60k dislikes    Reply

230 Replies▼

Yeah_Jaron

WHAT THE FUCK

***

“Ash. Ash, he saw the video.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Red saw the video. Red. CEO of companies like Starbucks-”

“You’re starting to sound like a broken record again. Also, close your mouth, you’re going to attract flies.”

Jaron grumbled, shoving some noodles into his mouth, “Asshole. Don’t you know how big that is!?”

“All I’m hearing is a legal disaster.”, Ash said, setting down his own plate, “Look, I know this is very cool and all, but you gotta wonder why all these famous people are paying attention to you now.”

“I mean, the whole series just…blew up,” Jaron said, his arms waving animatedly,  “I’m sure that they just noticed it from word of mouth.”

“Let’s go with that.”, Ash said, “But like, he wasn’t even the biggest guy on your list-”

“You looked at my list ?”

“And I’m getting concerned that you're in over your head.”, Ash continued nonchalantly, “Look, Jaron, it’s pretty hilarious watching the chaos unfold, but sooner or later there’s gonna be a bunch of negative attention on you.”

“I can take care of myself, Ash.”, Jaron rolled his eyes, “I’ve been on the internet long enough to ride it out.”

“You nearly got doxxed by a hater last week.”

“But I didn’t!”, Jaron grinned, “I’m so lucky to have a roomie who can cover for me.”

“Ugh. You’re lucky I don’t want some rando to break into our apartment either.”, Ash scowled.

***

Red : Ash, are you hiding something from us?

Ash : dude what

Red : I was going to ask you to track Yeah Jaron’s address, but I heard from the grapevine that Mapicc already asked you.

Red : But I’ll ask anyway; Find me Jaron’s address.

Ash : that wasnt a question idiot

Red : I didn’t hear a no…

Ash : im not getting that guys fucking address

Red : Why not? He’s a danger to us.

Ash : i cant get his address

Red : We both know that’s a lie.

Red : Are you covering for him? Is he paying you? I can pay you more.

Ash : this isnt about the money

Red : Wait, Ash.

Red : Blink twice if he’s holding you hostage.

Ash : what.

Red : No wait, you wouldn’t be that dumb to get kidnapped.

Red : Did he blackmail you?

Ash : Jaron didn’t fucking blackmail me

Ash : just drop the topic

Red : ???

Red : Ash, are you actually alright? Is he causing you trouble?

Red : Ash?

Red : This isn’t funny. What’s going on between you and him?

Red : I’m worried.

Chapter Text

“Vitalasy is a popular magician, his videos posted on all social media platforms blowing up by the millions. People from all over the world come to see this enchanting magician - with his daring acts and strange tricks. It’s a wonder that no one can replicate his magic touch.”

“Hey guys, it’s Yeah Jaron, and welcome to Celebrity Conspiracy! Today, we’re talking about world famous magician Vitalasy! This might sound crazy, but I think he’s 100% a kitsune.”

“He’s done a lot of tricks that involve audience participation and all of them seem out of this world! Creating electricity from nothing, body doubles of himself at the same time - things that wow the crowd! Many people have tried to explain these tricks but always fall short. Maybe something more supernatural is at hand~ So let’s get right into it!”

***

So, Jaron usually doesn’t go out, but this was a special occasion. It’d been weeks since the start of his successful series and he was pleasantly surprised at the traction it had gotten. It wouldn’t hurt to treat himself with the money he had earned.

He enters his favorite cafe - it’d been years since he’s been there. He’s shocked that it hadn’t closed down. Jaron sat down as soon as he got his coffee, his heart pounding erratically. He tapped his foot, uneasy.

There’s someone in front of him. When had they approached? Their orangish curls casted a shadow over their face.

“How’d you know that I was a kitsune?”, it asked.

“Huh? What are you talking about?”, Jaron blinked incredulously.

“You knew. You know what we are.”, it stood from its seat, reaching to him, “How did you know?”

“I don’t- What?”, Jaron scooted his chair back, “Listen, I don’t know what you mean. What do you mean “I know what you are?””

It lunges at Jaron, its revealed claws wrapping around his neck. He chokes, weakly prying at the furred arms. His vision is starting to black as he desperately gasps for air. 

“Liar! You’re lying! You can’t possibly claim ignorance to things you obviously know!”, it growned, tightening its grip.

“I-”, Jaron chokes, struggling to breathe.

“Tell me.”

“Tell me.”

“ TELL ME! ”

***

Jaron gasps, his hands flying to his throat. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he composed himself. It’s okay. He was safe. That was- it was a dream. He dreamt that.

“Jaron?” his eyes darted to his bedroom door, “You alright? I heard you scream.”

“I’m fine!”, Jaron called out with a shaky voice, “Just- just had that moment where you feel like you’re falling off your bed but you aren’t!”

“Okay.”, Ash responded, vocally not convinced, “I’ll…be in my room. Call me if you need anything.”

Jaron snorted, “You, helping me? I’d thought you’d laugh at that.”

“I would if your flimsy excuse wasn’t so pathetic.”

“I hope you choke on your own spit, asshole!”

He could hear Ash’s laugh from behind the door, “Whatever you say, Jaron.”

He hears Ash’s footsteps fade away, as a door opens and closes. Slowly, Jaron gets out of bed. It’s still nighttime. He could try and get back to bed, but then he’d have to dream. That dream was not his dream. His movements feel robotic as he opens his computer, going straight to his channel. He stops, just as his cursor lands on his most recent video.

“Kitsune’s can manipulate and control a person’s dreams…”, he reminded himself, recalling what he had researched.

But that wasn’t possible, right? That would be crazy even for him. There was no way he was right about Vitalasy actually being a Kitsune.

If he was right, and dream Vitalasy implied that he was right about the others he had mentioned…

Who else was he right about?

***

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

Sorry for the late tweet! Hope you enjoyed today’s video! Really threw me into a loop.

For the next episode…well, he has a VERY popular cooking show, but let’s just say he has more than a green thumb ;)

9:46 PM - Nov 13, 20XX - Twitter client

80k Retweets - 38k Quote Tweets - 538k Likes

Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

<3 WE LOVE YOU JARON!!!

Roishi @Ro1sh1D

Sorry you had to deal with a lot of shit online! Price to pay for becoming famous ig…

D3v1lD4r3 @D3v1lD4r3x

Feel free to take a break!

SandBees @BeesLmao

Uhhhh…does anyone know which celeb Jaron’s going to cover? Kind of curious right now.

     Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

     Honestly, there’s too many cooking celebs to REALLY narrow it down. But if it was Gordon Ramsey, I’m going to DIE

     SandBees @BeesLmao

     Good point! If it is Gordon though…wonder what he’d be!

Willow @ WillowsLyfe

Guys. Guys I’m obsessed with this series.

     Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

     Welcome to the club! :)

Chapter Text

“Now, where do I start with Bacon Waffles? For starters, he started his show in 20XX, which quickly gained popularity due to his funny personality and spectacular dishes. However, fan favorite clips were his escapades in the wild.”

“Hey guys! It’s Yeah Jaron, and welcome to this week’s episode of Celebrity Conspiracy! Today we’re going to cover Bacon, a very influential person within the cooking industry. Though I’d be lying if I said it was his cooking that got him popular. Videos of him gathering wild plants have views to the millions - many environmentalists and the like have taken a shine to him. He just tends to take care of nature. One would even say that he is one with it!”

“And maybe he is. Perhaps he’s nothing but a dryad, who blesses the earth as the earth blesses him back. Have you ever wondered why in some videos, the trees seem to reach down to allow him to pick the ripest fruit? Maybe his dryad nature has trees naturally love him!”

***

“Okay, that is freaky.” Bacon frowned, staring at the video.

“I told you!”, Mapicc scowled, “Now look! We have people having eyes on us at all times!”

Parrot narrowed his eyes, “And Ash refuses to find his address for whatever reason?”

“Yeah, we even had Red try and pressure him!”, Mapicc scowled, “...Vi found a way to reach him through dreams, but he didn’t get any information out of that.”

“Mid’s been trying to search for him, but that hasn’t gotten any results. Don’t even know what Wemmbu or Clown’s up to…”, Parrot groaned, scrolling through his phone, “...Spoke’s trying to set up a meeting next week.”

“FINALLY! This has gone way too far.”, Mapicc said, “You think we can finally get Ash to reveal the guy’s address?”

“We’ll have to wait until next week.”, Parrot shrugged, “Ash has a lot of explaining to do…”

***

Strawberry Demon @TheDumbP1nke

It’s really funny that some rando goes over and accuses @baconwaffles0 of being a dryad. Like, sure, don’t theorize that he’s a mythical being that’s food related, he’s actually the Lorax!!

10:32 AM - Nov 20, 20XX

903 Retweets - 130 Quote Tweets - 3k Likes

Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

“He’s actually the Lorax” LMAOOOOOOOOOOO NO FUCKING WAY THAT’S HILARIOUS

     Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

     @MatsureRules @BeesLmao @RoseLog YOU GOTTA SEE THIS lMAO

Itsasmallworld @FunkyM00Bl00m

It does sound like he’s pulling shit out of his ass huh

Emergencyfood @PaimodialWrath

God, it’s like he’s totally not spreading rumors and lies…. /sarc

Mikamu @M1kamuuu_

Sometimes I forget that while Jaron is booming, he isn’t that well known. It’s hilarious to watch people find out about his silly antics lol

***

“Vi, you gotta be more careful next time! You could’ve gotten hurt!”, Jumper said worriedly.

“I was going to be fine, Jumper. That Jaron guy’s too lanky to even hurt me.”, Vitalasy rolled his eyes.

“Still, you know that messing with a human’s dreams can get you into trouble. Never mind the fact that that human knows what you are, it’s more important that we keep it secret and don’t give him any ideas.”

Vitalasy stayed silent, his ears drooping. Jumper was right - even if Jaron had known about them, attacking him would’ve caused more harm than good. Now, they wouldn’t know what he would do.

“We’ll just have to wait.”, Jumper said.

Vitalasy nodded, though the movement from the corner of his eye did not escape his attention.

“Woogie, where are you going?”

“I’m going to visit a friend.”, Woogie said, leaving without saying goodbye.

He had a dangerous glint in his eyes. His teeth are bare, giving Vitalasy a sinking feeling in his gut. Jumper shifts, her hand reaching towards Woogie. It drops as soon as the door closes.

“...I think we should follow him”, and Vitalasy couldn’t agree more.

***

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

Thanks to everyone who watched my video! I’m glad to have fans that love my content!

6:00 PM - Nov 20, 20XX - Twitter client

160k Retweets - 108k Quote Tweets - 831k Likes

Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

Happy you're doing well, Jaorn!

     Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

    Jaorn

   SandBees @BeesLmao

    Jaorn

     Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

    Jaorn

     Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

    Perish /silly /j

     Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

    Jaorn

     Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

    BRO WHAT??????

AndyIsDone @AndyLei

If you’re open to recommendations, can you do a video on Swaggin? He’s an anonymous hacker who would totally fit your vibes!

     Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

    What a coincidence! I’ll keep your suggestion in mind ;)

     ashswag @ashswagin

    That’s it, I’m going to kill you

Chapter Text

“Swaggin - an infamous hacker known for exposing many politicians during his prime. He’s an expert of cracking codes and slipping through the best cyber security. Despite any best efforts - including mine - no one has ever been able to guess his identity. No trace. It’s like he never existed at all. And maybe he didn’t. Maybe he emerged at the dawn of the internet, born from the very thing he reigns over. Perhaps he’s some ghost lurking through the web, waiting to break free.”

“Hey guys, it’s Yeah Jaron, and today we’re looking at Swaggin! Yes, yes, I’m expecting the comments to yell at me for going after a well known hacker, but how could I not? It’d be absolutely hilarious to talk about this guy. I mean, I’ve tried before and those videos could never go up, so maybe this time it will?”

“Well, hopefully this uploads. I put a concerning amount of effort into this. But yes, I do think Swaggin is some sort of internet ghost like Ben Drowned or the likes. So let’s take a deeper dive into the darkest corners of the internet and see what we can find!”

***

“I fucking hate you.”

Jaron raised an eyebrow, “What brought that up? I mean, you didn’t stop me from uploading that video.”

“I thought you’d make it boring.”, Ash pouted, crossing his arms angrily, “What the fuck, Jaron. I made sure you weren’t doxxed and this is how you repay me? With spite?”

“Cry about it.”

“Dude.”

“Look, no one’s gonna assume that my roommate is an infamous hacker.”, Jaron rolled his eyes, “You’ll be fine.”

“Oh, I won’t be fine when the others find out about it.”

“...What do you mean?”

“Don’t go all innocent on me!” Ash scowled, “You already made a big point about exposing that the people you covered weren’t human! Why do you think I tried to stop you from making those videos!?”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah, oh . Jesus christ…”, Ash buried his face into his hands.

Jaron looked down, “Was I right about the others?”

“You were. Are you actually telling me that you were literally guessing this entire time?”

Jaron said nothing. Ash groaned, dramatically falling to his chair. He stared at the ceiling, letting Jaron mull over the consequences of his actions. It wasn’t like Ash was full heartedly trying to stop him anyways. Like Jaron said, it was in good fun. Ash had gotten a kick out of laughing at his friends. But, when Vi had attacked Jaron in his dreams...

Maybe Jaron hadn’t noticed that Ash was there when Vi attacked, but Ash certainly did. He wasn’t - this wasn’t supposed to happen.

“You have to be wrong in the next video.”, Ash said suddenly, “To shake them off your tracks.”

“I-...Alright. I’ll do it. The next one’ll be completely random. Barely any good evidence.” Jaron promised.

***

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

Where did my silly man Jaron go? D:

9:46 PM - Nov 27, 20XX - Twitter client

209 Retweets - 102 Quote Tweets - 3k Likes

Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

I dont know :(((((( he’s just gone

     shadowstrike @Shadow1Fan

     Damn maybe all the hate got to him     

SandBees @BeesLmao

Check discord! He just announced that he’s taking a bit of a break!

     Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules  

     ❤❤❤❤❤❤

***

Ash: parrot, before you ask, no.

Ash: im not finding jarons address and im not being blackmailed

Parrot: Well, I figured that out man

Parrot: You still need to explain why tho

Ash: i can’t say

Parrot: That makes me think you ARE being blackmailed.

Ash: look ill explain everything at the meeting.

Parrot: You better.

Parrot: We’re all worried, Ash.

Parrot: Just talk to us, okay?

Parrot: Who knows who Jaron’ll cover next.

Chapter Text

“A well known aviator who’s won many military medals, Parrot has done it all. Currently, he’s retired from the airforce and now flies your local aircraft for many recreational uses. You can see him featured in many Youtube videos, such as in Branzy’s “I Flew a Helicopter”!” 

“Hi guys, it’s Yeah Jaron. Today, we’re covering the all time flier Parrot! It’s like he was born to be in the air. So, what if he’s some sort of avian myth?”

“I’m going to be honest, I struggled to figure out what kind of avian myth he could be. But I think I got it this time. So fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the ride, while I explain why Parrot is an Aarakocra!”

***

“ Jaron .”

“You gotta be kidding me!” Jaron threw his hands up in the air dramatically, “I already uploaded the video! How is that one right and not him being a harpy!? That’s just a load of bs right there!”

“Why would you even choose an obscure bird out of all things!?” Ash shouted, “Like- even Spepticle’s video was too obscure!”

“Spepticle was the one to suggest it-”

“HE OUTED HIMSELF!? THAT’S EVEN WORSE!”

“Okay! So Spepticle actually did tell me his own species to fuck with everyone. We might have to address that later.” Jaron said, “I’ll - I’ll show you what I have and we can discuss how we can change everything.”

Ash stood there, his anger brewing. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy anymore. He could feel the insistent buzzing of his phone from the table. Jaron eyed it as well, as it continued on and on. Ash could already see who was texting.

“Shit.”

“No kidding.” Jaron commented, “Are those…the people I’ve covered?”

“And more.” Ash confirmed, grabbing his phone and scrolling through message upon message, “...They want answers.”

“I can’t really give you anything besides what I have.” Jaron said, “Jeez, this is ending up to be messy, huh.”

“Messy indeed.” Ash sighed defeatedly.

This was entirely hopeless. Even if they were to get it wrong in the next video, Ash doubted that his friends would back down. If all else, they’d think Jaron was trying to cover his tracks. 

Well, if they couldn’t lose the game they made, they might as well play it.

“Guess we have to commit to the bit.”

“What?” Jaron blinked owlishly, sitting up, “Commit to the- I thought you wanted me to stop?”

“I mean, it was a little funny at first. And you already screwed up our one shot at clearing any suspicion of you.” Ash shrugged.

Jaron stared at Ash, and for a minute, it looked like he would disagree with Ash's plan. But from the small smile that started to form, Ash was suddenly thrown back to their days in college.

“So you’re up to create maximum chaos?”

If he didn’t know better, that sentence would’ve sent chills down Ash’s spine. But they’ve been through this before; and, well, there wasn’t a chance they could turn back.

“Oh, you know I’m up for it.”

***

Ash: So.

Red: So.

Spoke: So.

Jumper: So.

Minute: Can we not and let Ash EXPLAIN what’s up with him and that Youtuber?

Mid: Please.

Mid: The more I see on Twitter the more of an aneurysm I get.

Ash: okay okay fine i’ll tell you what’s going on

Ash: i have been blackmailed and the reason i couldn’t say shit was because i’ve kind of uh

Ash: i’ve been kidnapped by him.

Several People Are Typing…

***

“That’s the best you can come up with?” Jaron raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, cut me some slack, it’s been awhile since I’ve done this kind of stuff.”

“You could’ve gone bigger - say that I’ve hacked you and changed your code!”

“And put my own reputation on the line?”

“Your rep’s already gone when you said you got kidnapped.”

*** 

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

Thanks for tuning in! Glad you guys appreciate how much I research

10:32 AM - Dec 4, 20XX

903 Retweets - 130 Quote Tweets - 3k Likes

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

HOW TF DO YOU FIND THESE CREATURES FOR THEM

JARON WE WANT ANSWERS

     Sandbees @BeesLmao

     Tell us, Jaron

Andy @_TSCi_

Y’all ever wonder how long Jaron stays up to research this stuff.

Mikamu @M1kamuuu_

Damn

Kind of wondering in what world does he ever think of this shit

Pretty wild

Chapter Text

“What isn’t there to say about Poafa? As America’s darling weatherman, Poafa tends to deviate from the script and say what he thinks will be the weather. Oddly enough, he’s always right! People praise him for his foresight; it certainly has saved lives! Well, what if this interesting clairvoyance has more to it than meets the eye?”

“Hey guys, it’s Yeah Jaron. Today, I’ll be arguing why Poafa is none other than an Aurae. If you don’t know what an Aurae is - they are wind spirits that can control the air and weather around them.”

“It would make sense that Poafa is one of them! Literally - who’s that accurate with the weather? Especially when they deviate from predictions that much? You can even see him pause once he reads the lines as he does it live. You’d think he’s making up everything on the spot at first. But let’s get right into the scoop and dive deeper!”

***

US Weather @WeatherUSOfficial

This just in - a sudden storm has taken the east bank of the US! What does this mean for the environment!?

Citizens are asked to stay inside and wait for the storm to subside.

11:23 PM - Dec 11, 20XX

2 mil Retweets - 103k Quote Tweets - 12 mil Likes

Muu @onmuuu

OMG???? WHY DO I SEE RAIN THIS IS TEXAS IN THE WINTER HELLO

SandBees @BeesLmao

It’s totally because of Poafa. Can’t believe this smh

     Cheesykee @_treatyCheese

     Poafa?

     SandBees @BeesLmao

     Weatherman. Watch YeahJaron’s vid lol.

The Wanderer @WanderlustJourneys

Man, I was hoping to go out today :(

Crafty @CraftyCreaterYT

LMAO, is real life reflecting YeahJaron’s predictions or what???

***

“Thanks, Poafa.” Ash sighed, “But if you tell anyone about this…”

“You’ll dox me, yeah yeah.” Poafa rolled his eyes over the call, “C’mon Ash, you know I always respect favors.”

“Sure.” Ash said skeptically.

“Thank you again, Poafa.” Jaron added, “...Can I ask a few questions though?”

“Sorry, I’m on a tight schedule.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jaron.”

“Okay, okay! Nevermind!”

***

Jaron: Hey, going out right now! Go make dinner for yourself!

Ash: can u grab some groceries while ur out

Jaron: Got it!

Jaron: Btw why is it raining like cats and dogs?

Ash: oh, I got poafa to do that.

Ash: hes good at making up storms

Jaron: Dude

Jaron: You made Poafa cause a countrywide STORM???

Jaron: Why!?

Ash: its kind of funny

Jaron: I mean it is, but still!

Ash: we gotta buy us some time

Jaron: Time for what?

Ash: Woogie.

***

Poafa sighed, turning off the call. He had work in a few hours, but he’d rather not incriminate himself anymore than he had to. Still, it was fascinating how Jaron came to so many right conclusions on his own.

( “How’d you even come up with this idea?”

“Oh, well, there was this normal barista that blew up online, you know? When I was watching I noticed that there were scales under his eyes! It was hard to tell since he wore sunglasses but they were there. By the way - is he really a dragon?”

“Wait, you made it because of Vortex?”

“Yeah! I’m gonna be honest, I hadn’t thought about it being real. I thought it was my eyes playing tricks on me.”

“You caught Vortex. The guy who’s the most secretive about his identity out of all of us.”

“...Yes?”

“What the fuck .” )

It was crazy. Poafa knew that some of them weren’t as careful in later years, but they were still hidden. Jaron had a knack of spotting the details. No wonder he could guess their species accurately.

…He was going to throttle Spepticle, though. Seriously, why would he out himself willingly?

Chapter Text

“A sensation overnight, someone as normal as Vortex blew up due to his skills as a barista! Not only that - people find his quips and strong will refreshing! I’m sure my audience has seen that viral video where he takes scalding coffee to his face with a blank stare.”

“But isn’t that odd? How come he wasn’t screaming in pain when that lady threw it at him? Actually, it’s weird that he can hold things with extreme temperatures without a flinch. You could always chalk it up to a built in tolerance since he’s been in the industry for years, but I think there’s more than that.” 

“See, I’m thinking that Vortex is a dragon. “ Oh, but he’s human! ” I can hear you say. Well, we all know that in some stories, a dragon can shift into human form, so it isn’t that much of a stretch. So let's jump in and see how Vortex could possibly be a dragon!”

***

Prickly @PricklyLamb

Man I didn’t know who Vortex was before, but him taking that scalding coffee is so badass

10:32 AM - Dec 18, 20XX

903 Retweets - 130 Quote Tweets - 3k Likes

Halcyon is a Vampire || Polar Bears 🍉 @HalcyonTerror

This is like one of the only theories Jaron has made that I actually believe

     Sandbees @BeesLmao

     Nah, I think Reddoon’s was pretty convincing

Atlas ,, 💫 @AtlasZero_

If Vortex stared at me like that, I’d piss my pants

Fairy/Will || 🍉 @fairylightmoons

He’s so SCARY I never reailzed that

🌂willowwater🌠🚦🍉 @W1llowater

Wouldn’t want to be that Karen that threw that coffee lmaoooo

Vort3xDragon @Vort3xDragon

They had it coming

🌂willowwater🌠🚦🍉 @W1llowater

     NO WAY LMAOOO

***

“I don’t know how he knew!” Vortex hissed into his phone, his nostrils flaring, “I’ve been careful.”

“Not careful enough, it seems,” Parrot sighed, “I don’t know how he was able to do it, but he has.”

Under the cover of his home, Vortex could practically feel the flames from his mouth, “And you’re waiting for Ash to reveal his location? Or for Vidcon? Parrot, this has to be dealt with now -”

“I’m trying.” Parrot stressed, “But with the weather and how none of us can track him, there’s so much we can do.”

“And Woogie? I heard he went out on his own.”

“We’ve lost track of him. No one’s been able to contact him since he left.”

“Jeez…guess those instincts of his really got to him?”

“You know he’s always been like that. I’m more worried he’ll get hurt.”

“We’ll just have to wait and see…”

***

PrinceZam @PrinceZamLIVE

@Yeah_Jaron I dare you to make a video about me

10:32 AM - Dec 18, 20XX

903k Retweets - 130k Quote Tweets - 3k Likes

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

WHAT???????????????

sleepykayy👾💤🍉 @Auraloo_

NO FUCKING WAY

Ori_Ze @ZoZo52768482

Omg. That’s - huh?

Guys is this a dream

     UnknownStar @Unknown5tar

     Wdym Zam want to be exposed??? WHAT IS HE GOING TO BE EXPOSED AS????

ST⭐RBOY || sobbing dont mind me @StellaHrt

I can finally die happy now….

     Pokemon Eater ;) @Pokemonyumyum_

     My man Jaron is collecting celebrity recognition like Pokemon cards…wow

     Adriii_ || Foxes r cute @AnimalNerd57

     WHY are people giving him more attention? This shit is sooo fake.

           NonSpeaker @NonSpeake

         STFU uncultured swine

***

{ Pangi sent image: WHAT??.png }

Pangi: ZAM WHAT THE FUCK???

Zam: Whatttt??

Pangi: Are you I N S A N E

Zam: lol

Zam: it’ll be fiiiiiineee

Vitalasy: zAM WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

Zam: Nothing at all! :D 

Mid: This is serious Zam.

Mid: Why are you trying to get him to out you?

Zam: If he does, you know what’ll happen :)

Mid: I do, and I think you’re being a dumbass.

Zam: RUDE

Zam: RUDE

Zam: RUDE

Zam: RUDE

Zam: RUDE

Vitalasy: I hope you know what you’re doing…

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

“You know what people like, more than anything else about a personality? Authenticity. When someone is being true to themselves and enjoy what they do, they tend to gain a flock of followers. The best example I can think of is Terrain – a Youtuber with a big heart but a rough exterior. You could say he’s a…gentle giant.”

“…Yeah, that rimshot was corny. Well, hey guys, It’s Yeah Jaron with another Celebrity Conspiracy! I’m trying to prove that Terrain is secretly a giant. I’m serious! I totally think that Terrain has giant blood in his veins. I mean, I’ve met the guy at a con once. He’s like 7 feet tall! He towers over me in this image! I’m sure everyone who’s met him can attest to it!”

“And it’s totally in his genes – his giant genes! Does anyone remember that one video he posted where he scared off some grave robbers? He literally shook the ground with his voice alone! So let’s dive into some old media and uncover this mystery!”

***

Yeah Jaron @Yeah_Jaron

Back to our normal schedule after that Christmas special! Now here’s to me hoping I won’t end up buried alive :’)

12:04 PM - Oct 23, 20XX

72.4k Retweets - 31k Quote Tweets - 374k Likes

SandBees @BeesLmao

Wait- Jaron? What does that mean??

     Pokemon Eater ;) @Pokemonyumyum_

    I’m sorry…he’s gonna die

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

Lmaooooo if Jaron goes missing we know who did it!

     Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

     Naaahhh, he’s made too enemies for us to know. We’ll never find his body /j

***

“Are you not even a little concerned?”

Terrain shrugged, hauling a clump of dirt over his back. He’s seen the videos this Yeah_Jaron person had posted. It’s…scarily accurate, but it looks like everyone involved was having a good time. Well, aside from the subjects of the video.

“I think you guys are blowing this out of proportion.” Terrain shrugged, “Besides, the video’s detering any potential grave robbers from here. Who would want to confront a literal giant?”

“Please tell me you aren’t actually considering doing nothing.” Jumper begged, “Me and Red came here to warn you about this! He’s compromising all of us!”

“I don’t see the issue. It’s bringing in more attention. Besides, how bad can it really be? It’s not like the government can contain us anymore.” Terrain responded, looking at the two.

“Look, I know everyone’s concerned, especially since Ash got dragged into this mess in the worst way possible, but putting more people into the fray is only going to make it more complicated.” Terrain continued, “What would I even do, anyway? Crush his home under my feet? Yeah, great way to keep a secret.”

He continues to dig down, the dirt coming under his fingernails. There are a few things Terrain leaves unsaid. As a fellow Youtuber, Terrain respects Jaron’s audacity and creativity. Why try and stifle that creativity when nothing damaging has happened yet?

Right now, the only person who seemed to share this sediment was Branzy. Even Branzy might be pushing it – he’s amused by a lot of things.

“It’s still teeterin’ on truth and reality.” Red argued, crossing his arms, “Aren’t you worried about Ash? He’s bein’ held against his will.”

“Again, I don’t know what you want me to do?” Terrain shot back, “The best thing I can offer is Jaron’s grave if you take care of him.”

“If?”

“If you can’t catch him now, you won’t ever.” Terrain shrugged nonchalantly, sitting down in the hole, “Besides, do you really believe Ash isn’t lying to you?”

***

SandBees @BeesLmao

Alright, guys, who do we think is next in the Exposed Series? Wrong answers only.

1:04 PM - Oct 25, 20XX

2.3k Retweets - 11k Quote Tweets - 23k Likes

SandBees @BeesLmao

If he exposes Elon Musk as another alien I would SELL MY SOUL TO HIM

     Katssss @K4tniiiiiiiiii

    Honestly I don’t think he’d be an alien– more like a slimey rat

Rosesarefuckingawesome @RoseLog

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO JUMPERWHO I WOULD SOB WITH JOY SHES THE BEST

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

I think Clownpierce would be an interesting choice. He’s shown in Branzy’s videos so I feel like he’d be a good candidate.

Nikki @Niachi_Xx

I don’t care – as long as the video is good I AM HAPPY!

Chapter Text

“The magical and mystical JumperWho – she’s always one step ahead of her competitors! She came to stardom in a tornado of glory. Debuting in a singing competition in 2016, a video of Jumper singing would go viral. People would praise Jumper’s wide vocal range, especially when improvising notes.”

“Well, hey guys, it’s Yeah Jaron! Jumper’s been on my radar since…forever! I swear, she can sound like the artists themselves if you don’t pay active attention. Yet, she has her own specific cadence and voice that makes her recognizable.”

“I swear, there’s a reason for that! You see, I believe that Jumper is the mythological Jackelope! Although popular, I don’t think many people actually know what a Jackelope is or what they could do. Specifically, with the powers of their voices. So, let’s…hop right in!”

***

Itsasmallworld @FunkyM00Bl00m

I find it so cute that Jaron’s latest video is just uplifting JumperWho. Like??? It’s so clear he likes her music. He even played the instrumentals of her latest album in the background!

10:32 AM – Jan 8, 20XX

3.2k Retweets - 607 Quote Tweets – 7.7k Likes

Matty/Caine/Ash @MatsureRules

        OMG IM GLAD SOMEONE ELSE NOTICED THAT!! WE LOVE PEOPLE SUPPORTING WOMEN CREATORS!!

Nosioci @CoiCoi

          Ngl her music’s kind of mid…but to each their own.

***

Willow @WillowsLyfe

You know what – it’s kind of interesting Jaron thinks Jumper’s a Jackelope and not…I dunno, a moon rabbit.

10:32 AM – Jan 8, 20XX

4.2k Retweets - 347 Quote Tweets – 10.7k Likes

AngelWhitney @WhitneyAngle

        TRUEEE!!

CrystalClaire 💫 @CrystalC1ear_

        I think it’s because he made a mini theory about Kaboodle being a moon rabbit?? Lmao guess he didn’t want to reuse it again for Jumper.

***

Jumper: Do you think Jaron actually knows were…you know?

Vitalasy: What are you talking about?

Jumper: Its just that

Jumper: Well

Jumper: Hes kinda nice in the videos and super respectful??

Jumper: I went back to watch his other videos and hes just really nice

Jumper: I mean even Branzy said hes harmless

Vitalasy: What does that have to do with anything?

Jumper: Branzys really good with reading people

Jumper: If he thought Jaron was dangerous he probably wouldve taken action the moment he posted that first video

Vitalasy: I get that

Vitalasy: But even if Jaron means well, that’s not the case for his viewers

Vitalasy: I’m sorry, Jumper

Vitalasy: But this for the safety of everyone. Especially if the government finds these videos and takes them seriously.

Jumper: You really think its gonna get that bad?

Vitalasy: Hopefully not

Vitalasy: But if it does, at least Cube’s around to slow the process.

***

“What are you thinking about, Ash?”

Jaron leans against the couch, watching as his roommate types away. He notices how the hacker’s fingers glitch out. He must be stressed and hyper-focused on whatever he was doing. Jaron gives Ash coffee, which Ash grabs without looking.

“Updating our wifi firewall. And internet protection in general.” Ash muttered, “…Fuck! He’s trying to get in.”

“Who?”

“Cube.” Ash responded, “Oh, you have to be- there! Okay, we've got more time to prevent Cube from hacking into your systems and deleting everything.”

“That’s what you were trying to do?” Jaron said, “Jeez, they’re getting desperate. You know, I’m starting to think that I’m going a little too far…”

“But?”

“The sunk cost fallacy.”

“God dammit, Jaron…”