Chapter Text
Date: 9th of June, 201M2041BC
Location: Volcaldera Bluffs convention center
Conditions: warm, sunny
Objective: Attend a gathering of nerds, obsessed with a tabletop wargame
In the gloomy expanse of the distant past, there was only war.
At least, that's what the sign above the convention entrance proclaims. I'll be honest, I was never into the tabletop part of Warden-Hammer, even back when I had time for such things - no duties, no wife and no kids.
I always stuck to the lore. It was much more interesting anyway. Reading about epic battles is much better than all the math you need to do to pass a single turn on the tabletop. Not to mention it being much cheaper.
Sometimes I wonder if guys at James’ Workshop found a way to transmute gold into plastic. That's the only way their models could be so fucking expensive. A drain on both my wallet and my peace of mind.
“Hey, dweeb?”
I blink, snapping out of my bitter muse about the power of a hobby to drain the pockets of dedicated fans and look at Lucy. She's cosplaying as a priestess of the God Chieftain. Blue and golden robe really suits her. Same with the Tribal Aquila, dangling from her neck - it's plastic, but it's painted so skillfully that you could mistake it for genuine gold.
“You've been staring at the sign for the past five minutes.” She nods at Amber and Josh.
My dear children are staring at me with completely different expressions. Amber, who's cosplaying as a Sister of the Spear, full armor and all, is looking at me impatiently, frowning.
Josh on the other hand, who is cosplaying as himself - we tried to get him to try on a getup of the Tribal Armsman, but he refused - is looking at me with a perfect mix of boredom and strong want to be someplace else.
That someplace else surely is in front of his TV, wrecking noobs in Claw of Duty. Sorry, my dear son, I understand your dedication to the craft, but you will spend some time with us, even if I'll have to drag you along.
“Right, right, sorry.” I chuckle and rub my chin with a decent, scaled down replica of a power claw. “Let's go.”
We enter. As soon as the four of us crossed the threshold of the fortress of wonder and mystery, a hubbub and din of a thousand voices, coming from a thousand throats enveloped us like a thick, deafening cloud. The crowds, milling about in the main atrium swell and waver like waves of a sea, raging against the rocky cliffs of the many photo booths, army exhibits and cosplayers.
The squeal of delight, sounded by my oldest prodigy is immediately swallowed up by the noise and clamor of the goings-on teeming inside this hall of glass and steel. The groan of dismay and ostentatious boredom, which my other offspring gave, I pay no mind to. He shall come around or he will have to suffer this family gathering in despair and dejection.
Lucy glares at me. I only smirk. Yep, I still got it. Writing all that fanon back in the day really paid off.
We head over to the tables, set up in the middle of the large atrium. There are all manner of armies on display there, from canon to homebrew ones, from the superior armies of the Tribe of Man, to the abominable forces of the fish people of the Tokk Empyrion.
“Ugh.” Amber looks down at the fish faces with righteous disdain. “Who plays those nerds?”
I lean over to her, feeling the eyes of a corpulent deinonychus on my face.
“People with bad taste.” I mutter to her.
She nods solemnly.
“I wonder if Sera made it.” She muses as we pass over to the next table. “She promised to meet me here.”
Josh snorts, which brings both mine and his sister's attention.
“Sera doesn't even play Warden-Hammer.” He shrugs. “Neither do I.” He glances at the meticulously painted Spear Bearers of the God Chieftain without much interest. He looks up at me and shrugs. “Why did you drag me here again?”
“So you'd get out of your room and stop playing those shooting games all the time.” Lucy cuts in before I get a chance to speak. “We don't need your grandfather stealing you away to a gun range again.”
He shrugs, which earns him a dubious look from the proud owner of the army - a tall, lean, pale human dude - and an annoyed one from my beautiful wife.
“Why not?” He looks at her. “It’s fun.”
“It's not appropriate for you.” She tells him sharply. “We will not discuss it here.”
He grumbles under his breath and stuffs his hands into his pockets.
“At least at the gun range I wouldn't have to smell all those fat nerds.” He grumbles, pushing past me.
Lucy didn't hear him. She's chatting it up with another army owner - a really fat T-Rex neckbeard in thick rimmed glasses. He sounds really enthusiastic about his army. I stop to take a look. Spears Bearers, of course. Green, yellow and sky blue color scheme. Silver trim and details.
Must be a homebrew chapter.
“Star Serpents.” I read the name plaque on the table. “Nice color scheme.” I look at him. “Who are their progenitors?”
He turns to me. A wide grin spreads over his snout.
“The Pteromanders.” He explains and then launches into a long winded, heated ramble about his army's lore.
I stand there with Lucy for a while, listening to him gushing about his homemade lore. Amber tugging on my sleeve forces us to leave the displays and dioramas behind. Josh is hanging back. He's tapping away on his phone, bored and disinterested. I slow down and tap him on the shoulder.
“What's up, Josh? You don't like it here?”
He looks around and shrugs.
“Those just ain't my vibes, dad.” he looks down at his phone again. “I already told you, I don't like all this nerd crap.”
“Well, maybe you'd like it if you tried.” Amber cuts in. “It's fun.”
“I have my own ways of having fun.” Josh shrugs.
We stop by a huge diorama, showing the burning of Armagedo. It's humongous. Hundreds of miniatures, custom made terrain, at least a dozen Titans on both sides of the battle. God damn, the models alone probably cost more than our car.
Josh doesn't even look up from his phone. He only lifts his head when Amber jabs him with her elbow. He takes it in for a long moment, looking a bit more interested than before.
“Damn, this must've taken months to put together.”
“A year and a half actually.” One of the three dinos - I assume they're the creators of this piece of art - standing by the diorama says. “We assembled it from the ground up. We tried to be as accurate to the artwork as possible.” he grins with pride.
“It looks cool.” Josh brings up his phone and snaps a photo. “How much did it all cost?”
The other two dinos exchange looks. The one who spoke up first smirks.
“Well, around seven thousand dollars for the terrain, and the models?” He scans the diorama with his eyes. “I don't know, I think around eight thousand? Maybe more.”
“Ten!” one of his buddies calls out. “And we got most of them off CaveBay.” He glances at Josh.
He looks back at his mates and nods.
“Yeah, ten thousand for the models.”
Josh lowers his head, masking a smirk. I notice it, but say nothing. Yep. That's exactly why I don't play Warden-Hammer.
“Heyyy, Amber, there you are!”
I turn my head to see Sera, and Drake, coming towards us through the crowd. The daughter of the trigga is waving at us, while the son of Reed follows close behind, looking at the fresh box of Spear Bearers in his hands. He's grinning.
Josh looks up. Upon seeing Drake, his face lights up immediately. The two shake hands, while the girls share a friendly embrace in a storm of greetings and giggles.
“This shit is so cool, dude.” I overhear Drake talking to Josh. I look at them.
Josh is checking out the Spear Bearers box, while Drake buries him under an avalanche of entry level lore. Josh nods along, half listening to what Drake is saying.
“They're super soldiers, the God Chieftain created them to fight back the aliens trying to eradicate the Tribe and…”
We and the new additions to our little party dwell deeper into the convention center.
Along the way, we stumble across conference rooms, where panels are held. Amber stops by the entrance to one of them, and after studying the door plaque for a moment, cries out and slinks inside. The rest of us have no choice but to follow them.
Inside the room there is a stage, where a raptor in his late fifties is giving a speech of sorts. Amber is already sitting in one of the few vacant chairs. We pile onto those closest to her spot.
“What's the big deal?” Josh murmurs.
“It's Dan Abnetathy.” Amber grumbles. “You don't know who he is?”
Josh murmurs something I don't quite catch. He then turns to me.
“I need to go to the bathroom.” he gets up.
***
Why did mom and dad drag me along with them? I told them I don't want to go, and yet, they still put me into the car and drove me here. This sucks. This whole place is filled with fat, sweaty nerds, talking about crap no one but them care about.
And Drake, oh geez. He wouldn't stop talking about those Spear Bearers, as if they were the best darn thing since sliced bread. Yeah, they are kinda cool, but not worth nerding out as much as he was.
I leave the room. I didn't actually need to use the bathroom, but neither dad nor mom need to know that. I just wanted to get away from them for a while. Obviously I was spoiling their fun, but I did warn them, so who's really to blame here?
I wander aimlessly, not really paying attention where I'm going. It all looks the same. Nerds, fat, thin, tall and short, everywhere. People in costumes. People behind stalls, selling stuff. Groups of friends, wandering as aimlessly as me.
I just want to go home. Mom told me we'll be here until six in the evening, and my phone tells me it's only one past noon. Great, five more hours here. I may as well find a spot to sit and chat it up with the lads. Once we get back home, I'm shutting myself in my room and firing up the xrox.
There are some tables nearby, people playing with their toys. Looks like a game of some kind, who knows. They throw dice as if it was a board game. Is that a darn ruler? Why the heck would you need a ruler to play a board game?
I shake my head and sit down on a bench. I whip my phone out and fire up Hammer & Chisel. Lads are waiting for me to confirm the CoD sesh with them today and I ain't gonna leave them hanging.
I don't know for how long I've been sitting there, chatting with the lads. I'm too preoccupied with discussing strats to really pay attention to what's going on around me. I don't care either way. Who's going to bother a kid who's minding his own business?
That's when lights go dim. Or rather, someone stops and stands before me. A large, imposing figure, looming over me like the Statue of Freedom. I look up from the latest proposal on how to optimize our One in The Chamber plays and see a giant, clad in golden armor.
“Wh-what the hell?” I jump.
The giant is wearing thin-rimmed, square glasses, has a head of long, dark hair and a thoughtful expression on his face. He's looking down at me with concern and surprise.
“Uh, can I help you?” I lock the phone.
He kneels before me on one knee. Huh, that isn't real armor. It's just cosplay. It's pretty freakin neat though. I wonder how much he paid for it.
“What are you doing here alone, Josh?” The giant corrects his glasses with his finger.
I narrow my eyes.
“How do you know my name?”
The giant smiles. It's a nice smile. Very firm. Very calming. Kind of solemn.
“Your father knows me well. I was principal at Volcano High at the time he attended it. My name's Spears.” he extends his hand.
I take it and shake it. Though, it's his hand which does most of the shaking, while my hand just follows along. I take a good, long look at him. Spears, Spears… why does that name sound familiar?
Oh! Oh, wait… oh, yeah, mom and dad mentioned him more than a couple times. He fits their description, down to the thoughtful look. Though, that name perplexes me. I arch an eyebrow. He seems unfazed by that.
“Is that a name or a nickname?”
He chuckles.
“It's short for Spearston.” He explains. Then, he turns serious again. “You didn't answer my question.”
I shrug and pocket my phone.
“I didn't want to spoil their fun.” I say. “They are having fun here, me?” I shake my head. “They just dragged me along. I didn't even want to be here, to be honest.” I look around. “I mean, all this crap looks cool, I guess, but I'd rather be home right now.”
“Why? You don't like it here?” He sits next to me. The bench groans under the combined weight of him and his costume.
“I just don't vibe with it all, if you catch my drift.” I look up at him. “It's all over the top and ridiculous.” I shrug. “And edgy as hell.”
He smirks.
“That’s what makes it fun: the over the top and ridiculous.” His smirk falters a little. “Less so the edgy bits.”
I shrug. Then get up.
“Sorry, I need to go back. I told my dad I need to go to the toilet, and it's been some time already.”
He nods.
“Give your parents my regards, Josh.” He gets up himself and wanders off.
I watch him go, towering like a tree above a field of grass. He's joined by a gray blue tyrannosaurus lady, wearing a cosplay of her own. Where did she get a robe her size?
I lied. I wasn't going back, not yet at least. That Abnetathy guy will probably be talking for a long time, and everyone seemed to be having fun listening to him, so I have a bit more time before I have to return. Perfect.
I just wander around, not really heading anywhere in particular.
After some time, I enter an area filled with tables and chairs. Most of them are occupied by people of all ages, both dinos and humans - though the latter are much more rare. I approach the tables and peek over one kid's shoulder to see what he's fiddling with.
He's painting a miniature. Not a Spear Bearer, some lizard looking dude in fancy, sleek armor.
“Hey there!”
OHBAJEZUS-
I whip my head up. There's a gray raptor, looking down at me with a friendly smile. He's one of the JW employees, shirt and all.
“Hey. What is this place?” I ask, nodding at the mess of tables before us.
“It’s a place for people to learn how to paint a mini.” He tells me. “I'm Jonah.” He nods at me.
“Josh.” I put my hands in my pockets. “Do you have to pay for it?”
He shakes his head and looks over the
“Nope. You can take your mini home if you want.”
I nod and spend a moment watching people paint their minis. It's more calm here, less chaos than in the other parts of this… mall? Dad said it's a convention center or whatever. I look up at Jonah.
“Where can I get a model to paint?”
This looks relaxing. Might as well kill some time here. At least I'll have an excuse for mom and dad.
Jonah looks down at me and smiles.
“Come with me.”
We swerve between the tables, dodging tweens, kids and their parents before arriving at a long table, staffed by three JW guys. On the table, there's a whole bunch of unpainted figurines, most of them being the Spear Bearers. Every figurine is painted black.
“They're primed?” I ask, remembering Amber and dad talking about this stuff.
“Yeah.” Jonah nods. “Do you paint?”
I shake my head.
“Nope. My sister loves this stuff though. And my dad does too.”
“It runs in the family, huh?” He grins. “C'mon, pick one.” he nods at the table with his hand.
I grab a Spear Bearer and follow him to one of the tables. I sit down. Paints paints and more paints, from blood red to bone white, sit in the middle of the table. Next to them, in a black cup with the JW logo on it, sit a handful of brushes of various lengths and thicknesses.
“So, what do I do now?” I look up at Jonah.
“Pick a color and start painting.” He nods at the paints. “If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. Have fun!”
He walks off. I look at my only table neighbor. It's a gator girl, around my age. She notices me looking at her and returns the look. Huh. Her dad must be a human, she has human eyes.
“Hey.” I nod at her and grab a brush. “So, uh, what are you painting?”
“Oh, a Raptor Spear Bearer.” She tells me.
I frown slightly.
“A raptor?” I look over at her figurine. “Aren't all Spear Bearers humans?”
She snorts, which sounds like our car’s engine giving up the ghost.
“He's from the Raptors chapter.” She gives me a prolonged look. “They're like…” she taps her snout with her brush, smearing some olive paint on her lips. “Do you play Claw of Duty?”
Do I? Girl, you don't know who you're talking to!
“Yeah.” I nod. “What, are those guys like special forces or something?”
She nods, her eyes glint.
“Oh yeah, they are!” She lifts her model up so I can see it. “Check him out!”
It's painted army green. Huh.
“They don't bumrush the enemy like the rest of the chapters.” She starts explaining. “They use tactics, unlike Grim Templars.” She rolls her eyes and snorts with disdain. “I'm Alice by the way.”
“Josh.” I extend my hand.
We shake hands.
“You paint?” She nods at my figurine.
I shake my head. She snorts again and taps a chair next to her with her brush, giving it a nice, small coat of army green paint. She cringes upon seeing it and quickly wipes it with her sleeve. It doesn't help, it actually makes it worse.
“Shit.”
I chuckle and switch chairs. Careful not to touch the smear, I look at the pile of paint pots before me. Eeny meeny miny moe. Olive green.
As soon as I open it, she clears her throat. I look at her. She's looking at a cup next to the one where brushes are. It's filled with water.
“Thin your paints.” she taps it with her brush. “Otherwise the model will look like shit.”
I nod and take a bit of paint from the pot, then dunk the brush into the cup.
“Not like that, you doofus.” She laughs, snorting. “Just a dab of water.”
“Oh!” I wipe the brush on a piece of paper towel spread next to the cup. “Thanks!” I look at her.
She's leaning forward, sticking out the tip of her tongue. She's staring at her Spear Bearer with narrowed eyes and deep focus spread on her face. The brush moves down the pauldrons in slow, methodical strokes. After she's done with it, she starts applying paints to his legs.
“So, those Raptors…” I take a bit of paint from the pot and dab the brush in water. I start painting.
“Hmm?” She seems focused on her model but she's clearly listening.
“Can you tell me more about them? I know almost nothing about Warden-Hammer.”
She stops painting for a moment and gives me a prolonged look.
“Really? You need to be quite a nerd to come to a con.”
I smirk.
“Well, my dad and sister love this stuff, but I don't really vibe with it, y'know?” I nod at her Bearer. “Though these guys seem cool.”
She nods, continues painting for a while, then, without a warning, she starts talking:
“Well, the Raptors are the descendants of the Crow Guard, a First Founding chapter…”
***
“Josh! There you are!”
Our dear son jumps in the chair, so enthralled with the lore being dumped on him by his new friend - a gator girl his age - to notice us coming up to him. He looks up at Fang, who's equal parts pissed and relieved to have finally found him.
He sneaked off, to “go to the toilet”, and here he is, discussing lore and painting minis.
“Where have you been?” Fang leans towards him with her hand on her hip. “We've been looking for you all over!”
“Oh, I uh,” Josh looks at a gator girl right next to him. “I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.”
Fang looks at the girl. She smirks.
“At least you had good company.” She nods at her. “Hey, Alice. How's Olivia?”
“Mom’s fine.” Alice looks up at her. “Didn't know miss Mous was your mom.” She looks at Josh. “Though there is some resemblance.”
Josh smirks.
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah.” She looks up at us. “I guess you'll be going off with your folks then?”
Amber leans over Josh's arm. She scoffs.
“A Raptor?” She looks at him. “Of course. Claw of Duty kid.”
Josh elbows her in the belly, which has no effect, thanks to several layers of protection provided by her cosplay. She only tilts her head with a very sardonic smile and punches him in the arm.
He shrugs it off, gets up and grabs his mini.
“Dm me on H&C. We'll play some Claw.”
Alice nods with a grin and gives him a thumbs up.
“Sure. See ya, Joseph!”
I smirk, seeing Josh cringe, hearing his full name. Get used to it, boy. It'll stay with you for a looong time.
“Come on.” I nod in the direction we came from. “We have a cosplay contest to win.”
***
“Uhh, dad? What's that?”
With a loud grunt, dad sets down a large box. He barely managed to get it inside, and hissed at me like mom when she's pissed off when I tried to help.
“That, Amber…” he wipes sweat off his forehead. “Is a 3D printer.”
I look down at the box. A 3D printer? Judging from how dad struggled, it's more likely that it's a box of bricks, and he just got scammed on CaveBay.
“Right.” I look back at him. “Why did you buy it, dad?”
He starts opening the box and unpacking it. Huh. It really is a 3D printer. It's pretty small though. Nevermind, it came with a truckload of resin. Huh. Well, now it makes perfect sense why he struggled so damn hard.
“Well, with Josh getting into Warden-Hammer, I realized that we'll have to get a mortgage on the house to afford it.” he grins. “So I said ‘fuck it’ and bought this.” he points at the printer with his palm.
“Uh-huh.” I scratch my head. “So, you'll print your own minis?”
He nods with great solemnity. God, dad is such a dork sometimes.
“Yes. But first… Yarrr.”
“Uh…”
“Piracy, Amber.” He grabs the printer. “You kids don't know how tough life used to be. Come on, I'll tell you all about it.”