Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The wind howled in his ears, but he was all alone. All alone. Nobody. They’re all gone. Gone, like him. Alone.

…

He rushed to stand up, scrambling. His hands flew to his chest. It was caving in. He was caving in. He sobbed dryly, choking. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He trembled, knees quaking under his lackluster weight. He was so weak. Couldn’t protect them. Lost them. His head was foggy.

He stumbled out of his room, gasping. He couldn’t stay. He couldn’t stand still. He had to move, had to act. He was alone, breathless and afraid. He couldn’t let it get him. Not like it’d gotten them, he was alone, where were they-

He collapsed against the wall, legs unwilling to carry him further. He was useless. He gasped heedlessly, trying to ignore the tears sliding down. The tendrils reaching for him. Holding his neck. He slid to the floor, sobbing, alone. Alone.

Oh. He was panicking.

He couldn’t do much about it, gone as he was. His family wasn’t there, wasn’t safe, so he couldn’t calm himself. Mikey’s voice echoing through his mind - telling him to find five things he could see - only served to spook him more. Where was he? Where were they?

“Nardo?!”

Another echo. His twin. His twin could tell him what was happening, what was wrong. Right? Right? A blurry figure approached him, and he flinched. No, no, no-

“Hey, it’s… it’s just me. Can I touch you?”

It- oh. Donnie was actually here. He’d… forgotten that. He was such an idiot.

“No, you dumb-dumb. You’re not an idiot, or anything else for that matter. You’re mumbling again.”

Rationality? Gone. Was he actually here, was this actually the body he was in? His hands shook, but they found their way up to his twin’s shoulders. A weight placed itself on him.

“Yes, Leon, you’re you, and you’re here. Breathe with me now…”

The voice faded, and so did he. His head was so fuzzy. It hurt, even. Where was his family?

“Everyone’s here, we’re all safe. You’re okay.”

Oh… he was worried. His brother shouldn’t be worried about him. He was fine, just fine. Terrified out of his mind, but fine.

“I think your definition of ‘fine’ and mine differ quite a bit, Nardo.”

His breath left, what is this feeling? What happened?

“That’s laughter. Do I need to get the others?”

The touch left, and he whined. It couldn’t leave, it had to stay! It was… too familiar. When had it all left before?

Floating, agony.

Perhaps he didn’t want to remember.

“Okay, I’ll stay. But you must try to copy my breathing, Leo. You’re going to pass out if you don’t.”

Would that be so bad, though? Then the voice wouldn’t have to be burdened by him. But he tried to match the blurry motions he saw before him.

“You’re getting a nasty appointment with Dr. Feelings tomorrow, just so you know.”

……it took him much longer than it should’ve to remember who that was. His brother. How could he forget the most important pieces of him?

“Hey, it’s alright. I promise, everything’s fine. Breathe in…”

Sounds, sounds, what? He followed nonetheless. He trusted the voice.

“I… it’s Donnie. Your brother. I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

He felt his world shift, and things were moving. Everything felt so weird to him, and his head was growing heavy. It was almost as if… his memories were fading, the bad times going away.

He’d be scared if it didn’t make him feel that much better, letting him feel like a bouquet of nice flowers. Why had he been sad again? Oh, maybe it was because he couldn’t see. But that’s alright now, his vision was slowly returning! Through the haze, he could just barely see his twin, a concerned look painted on his face. He felt the arms wrapped around him, and he slowly hugged back. Donnie blinked, stopped, and sent a small but genuine smile toward him.

“Hey. You back with me?”

Short, to the point. He loved his brother. He was so awesome…

“…Nardo?”

Oh, right! He had to respond. That sounded tough, because the head-fuzz hadn’t gone away. It was comforting now, but it still… held him back.

“Y-yeah…”

He didn’t ask for anything else, and he was really, really glad about that. He felt… off. The head-fuzz was strong. He blinked, seeing Raph’s room over Donnie’s shoulder, then whined. He didn’t need help!

“What’s wrong? I can’t help if you don’t communicate, you know that.”

Hadn’t he just thought about not wanting help? What were the chances? His brother adjusted him in his arms, obviously not wanting to put him down, and began moving once more. They both stayed silent, and Leo buried his head in his brother’s shoulder. It was so warm…

“Nardo, you’re going to have to let go. You can still hug me, but I have to adjust.”

He sounded sad. Were they there already? He didn’t like seeing his brothers sad. Often, it was his fault. Was it his fault this time?

“My… my fault?”

Ooh, his voice sounded weird. He wasn’t sure he liked it, but… it was comforting. He felt free. His head was so fuzzy!

“No, you dumb-dumb. Not everything is your fault, let alone this. Dramatic sigh, come here.”

His brother opened his arms, and Leo took the chance to tumble into his grip. He loved hugs! Especially Donnie’s hugs. They meant more because they happened less often. His twin was so cool!

“I wuv you, Tello!”

His twin stopped short, his hand no longer rubbing his shell. Aw… why’d he stop? He didn’t understand it!

“Are… you okay?”

His brother cringed at his own words, but he only smiled, confused.

“Of co’se! I’s okay!”

Donnie shifted him, making him look at him.

“Leonardo. I love you, but I don’t believe you. What’s going on?”

Had he noticed the shift? Did he have one too? He hoped not. As nice as it felt, it felt even nicer to have his twin helping him. But… he felt different. Like he wasn’t quite in the same place as his twin.

“Dunno. Feel… weir’…”

His brother blinked, then seemed to mentally decide something. He went to hide in his grip, but Donnie held him back. He forced back a whine; he didn’t want to burden his brother. He’d done that enough already.

“Can you help me figure it out? You’re… doing well already. Does anything hurt? Be honest.”

“M’head feels all fuzzy! Li’… like a cloud!”

His brother only stared at him, silent. They stayed like that for several minutes, during which he tried not to fuss. 

“…fuzzy? Could you be more specific?”

…no, he really couldn’t. He only shuffled in place, frowning. His brother was in thinking mode, he shouldn’t bother him. 

“I’s… different. Dunno.”

There was no reply, and he shook in the silence. What did he do wrong? Did he say the wrong thing? Was he bad?  

Donnie shifted him again, holding him with one hand and pulling out his phone with the other. Endless moments passed, his mind took so many turns. What was he doing? Did Don not want to bother with him any longer? Did he… hate him? Leo was just beginning to squirm again when Don’s eyes suddenly widened.

“Do you feel… younger?”

He blinked, but smiled at his brother. So that’s what it was! He did feel quite little. He nodded, tears brimming again. He couldn’t explain it.

“Mhm! I tink I small! You smart, Don-Don! I didn’ even know!”

He smiled in relief, giggling as he rocked back and forth. He looked around, recognizing his brother’s room. He’d almost assumed they’d go to the lab since Donnie spent so much time there. He’d probably come from there when… he shivered. His brother blinked, then took his hand softly.

“Here, use this blanket. I’ll get you a drink, then we can figure this out together. I’ll be right back.”

His eyes widened. He didn’t wanna be alone! Alone meant open, open meant vulnerable meant unsafe, unsafe meant danger. But before he could wrap his trembling hands around his brother, he was gone. Gone, gone, he was alone, all alone, he was back there , little, nervous and alone. Alone with the scary creatures. It hated him. He sobbed, crying out for his twin. His twin had left, he wasn’t safe, oh, no, no-

“Nardo! Hey, it’s alright, I’m here, I won’t leave.”

Fuzz, blurry, but purple. Purple was safe. Was his brother in the Aloneness with him?

“Breathe for me, bud. It’s alright, we’re safe.”

He sobbed, breaths quick and fleeting, but he tried. He’d listen to Donnie, he always would. His twin knew everything. He’d protect him from the bad things. Right? Was he bothering him by trusting him like that? He just cried and cried.

“I’m right here. I’m right here.”

Hands on him, Don’s. He hides himself easily, comfortable in his brother’s arms. He felt too small for his body, it was too big. Just like the world. He sobbed, clutching as tight as he dared. He feels like he’ll squeeze the life out of his brother, but if his hold is any looser he’ll disappear. He wants to curl up, hide, be safe. Be okay. He sat endlessly in his brother’s hold, just… sobbing the world away. Nothing existed but his brother and the bed he sat on. His twin. Him. Too big. Too little. Small.

He tries to tell him these things, but all that comes out are distressed chirps and babbles.

His brother keeps holding him tight, knowing without words. His twin always knows. He knows and he keeps uttering near-mindless reassurances that he can’t quite understand.

Eventually, his cries tapered down as he tired himself out, and all Donnie’s left with is a trembling ball of child.

“How about we try doing something? Would you like one of my fidgets?”

He nodded sadly once he registered the words. His mind was so clouded and he didn’t like it anymore. He wanted out, he wanted to be safe. He felt Donnie reach over, balancing him carefully in his grasp. He…couldn’t think. Something was placed into his hands, but he couldn’t do much more than twitch. He looked at the little keyring in his hands, squirming. His twin frowned.

“Do you wanna try coloring? I know you always used to love dragging me into doing that with you.”

Another nod, but this time with a shaky smile. He vaguely remembered those times, the laughter and groans and… yeah. Donnie latched an arm around him, and they stood slowly. His legs shook, he hated standing, he looked too big. He was small. His twin took notice, bearing more of their weight with a nod. Why… why was he so okay with this? He suddenly remembered the sensory issues his wonderful, spectacular twin dealt with. He tried to stand, tried to be helpful, but he only buckled with a chirp.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. Just relax as much as you can, we’re almost there.”

He squirmed sadly, soft chirrups leaking through him. But before he could try again, Donnie was lowering him down into a soft chair. It was the one the inventor kept at the desk in his room; he loved this chair! Why was his brother letting him use it?

Well… it was soft. And it was a spinny chair! Super fun!

He couldn’t help the smile and thankful noises he made as Don stood and rummaged in a drawer. As he saw a small notebook and colored pencils come into view, he gasped in joy. Donnie had art supplies in his room! He rocked a little in the chair, the world falling away. He got to color!

“Wow. You’re… excited. That’s not sarcasm.”

He giggled, taking his brother’s hand and pulling him down. He didn’t wanna color alone! He always hated being alone.

“Alright, alright, I’ll color with you. It really is just like old times…”

He pointed at the notebook, bouncing lightly. He was gonna color with Dee! He grabbed two of the colored pencils, concentrating on getting the right end down. He’d grabbed them entirely the wrong way, the pointy end wanting to stab him and end his fun. 

His beloved twin laughed at him, taking the pencil back. What a betrayal! How dare he… he sticks his tongue out as if that would convey everything. He just laughs again! He pouts; why’s Donnie doing this to him? 

His musings are cut short as he’s handed the colored pencil again, properly this time. He can’t help but smile, his own feelings betraying him. He laughs easily, bending over the paper slid towards him and concentrates on his drawing. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Dee smile endearingly, grabbing his own colored “weapon” and taking a page of his own.

He stuck his tongue out, his legs kicking back and forth idly as he drew. On and on it went, vague memories of him sketching in his room alone floating past. That didn’t matter now. Nothing did except for his wonderful brother coloring with him. It was just so fun!

“Dee! Lookit!”

He held up his paper proudly, a lopsided grin on his face. On the paper was a slightly scribbled drawing of himself and Don, with the word “twins” below them, arrows pointing to them both. He was so proud of his work, but he wanted his brother to have it. After all, he’d been the one to let him color! Plus, he loved him! A lot! He frowned as Don stared blankly, blinking at the held up drawing. Had he done something wrong? Did he not like it? He felt static in the back of his mind.

“You ‘kay?”

His voice wobbled, and perhaps that was what startled Don out of his thoughts.

“Y-yeah. It’s beautiful, Lee, I love it.”

Oh. He should’ve known; Dee gets like that a lot. Normally, he knows without a second thought, but… yeah. They’re the best twins to ever exist!

When his brother just keeps staring, he shakes the paper a little, holding it closer. It was Dee’s, why wasn’t he taking it?

“Oh! Is this for me? Leon…”

He nodded eagerly, shaking the paper again. He fought the urge to bounce, not wanting to risk tearing the drawing. With slightly shaking hands, Donnie took it from him, placing it gently in a drawer nearby.

“I’ll take very good care of it, Leo. Thank you.”

He turned back with a smile, and they merely breathed together for a moment. He was content to just exist with his twin for a little while, little though he was.

Until the silence stretched on for just too long. He wanted to get back to drawing! Don blinked as he squirmed, then smiled.

“Okay, okay, I get it. Here’s your colored pencil back.”

He was quickly handed his weapon, and he grinned as another blank paper came into view. Now he wanted to draw unicorns! Unicorns were awesome!

He glanced up to see Don sketching something super boring on his paper. He saw endless labels and diagrams, but there were barely any sketches at all!

Well, that wouldn’t do. He’d have to fix that for his brother!

Silently, using all the ninja knowledge in his belt, he scooched his chair closer to his twin. He thought Don’s eyes flicked to him for a moment, but barely a blink later and he was hard at work. It must’ve been his imagination! He had his brother fooled!

Quick as a hare, he placed his bright pink colored pencil on the corner of Dee’s page. He concentrated, trying not to pull the page, and he leaned closer. He would succeed, he would!

“Just what do you think you’re doing?”

No! Don had noticed! His plots were… foiled! He gasped, hands flying away from the paper.

“Jus’ wanna make it pwetty! Is full of boring words!”

His brother had the audacity to snort, and he whined. Not only was he caught, but Dee wasn’t even taking him seriously! Nobody took him seriously and-

Bad thoughts. He banished them with a sharp chirp, scowling at the floor. A gross feeling creeped through his skin, but he shook it off. He was coloring with Donnie right now, he could feel sad later. He was determined to make his brother’s paper pretty!

“It’s boring, huh? You say that every time. Why don’t you add something over here?”

It takes a moment to register that Donnie’s actually letting him do this. A bit of shuffling and humming later and there was a blank corner displayed for him; a canvas of awesomeness.

“Ya! T’ank you, Dee!”

He rocked, clapping in excitement. He was contributing! He was gonna be helpful! Never mind that he couldn’t understand anything on the paper, he was adding to it! He quickly got to work, tongue sticking out once more as he concentrated. Add a line there, put some pink over there, add the amazing confetti…

“Done! Tada~!”

He pulled at the big paper to show Don, but he couldn’t bring it up while his twin was hard at work with his blueprints. He hadn’t heard Leo, and his little heart clenched at the oversight. He wasn’t ignoring him, was he? He needed his attention!

“Donnie. Don-Don. Deeeeeeee…”

He rocked the chair, his mind comforted by the motion. He crossed his eyes; that seemed more interesting right now. When Don looked up he’d reengage. With his eyes crossed, he held his hand in front of his face. It looked cool…

“Leo?”

Oh, wait, he’d lost track. He was supposed to show Don the unicorn! With his brother’s attention away from the paper, he slid it up and away to present to his brother. A look of tense anxiety crossed Donnie’s face before it was gone. What was that for?

“Ooh, I should’ve guessed. Looks spectacular.”

Donnie finished with a nod, but Leo turned his head in confusion. What did that word mean? He felt he would know it were his mind not fogged, and he knows he’s used it before. Maybe he should be a detective and figure it out.

Dee had his blank stare on, but it had that glint of positivity that he can never truly hide. His body looked relaxed, but his hands hovered slightly. It seemed he wanted the paper back.

As he returned the stolen blueprints, he decided that word meant something… interesting. He liked that. Probably. He didn’t quite know. But he was proud of his drawing, and Dee was now sketching around it! That must mean he didn’t hate it.

He idly wonders when he started relying on his brothers’ validation. The fog is receding a little, leaving way for thoughts he doesn’t want to hear. He claps his hands over his ears and squeezes his eyes shut as if that will block his mind from ridiculing him (he isn’t listening, he isn’t listening). The fog over his mind returns, it whisks his thought process away.

He’s back to thinking about his drawings, but his stupid dumb-dumb brain ruined it for him. He let a little whine slip through, and that solidified the mindset for him.

“What’s wrong?”

Don sounded almost exasperated, but he didn’t think he could answer. The fog over his brain was a lot less comforting right now.

He chirped once, reaching over to grab his brother’s hand before averting at the last minute. He knew Dee had trouble with sudden touch, why did he do that?

“Here, it’s okay. No need to hesitate, I am perfectly fine, you are not.”

His twin swept up his trembling hands into his own, a rare sincere smile still on his face. Seeing that look… he knew what would help them both!

“JJ! JJ mara- mar- ma… mar-thon!”

He stumbled over the big word, his voice high-pitched but confident at the end. He got it! Don looked very surprised. Hopefully he wouldn’t be upset he didn’t get it at first. 

“Alright, a Jupiter Jim marathon it is. Why don’t you pick what we watch first? If I remember correctly, I picked last time and owe you the first pick. Isn’t that right?”

He nodded enthusiastically, squeaking as Donnie stood up with him. Leo stumbled his way back to the bed with his twin, chirping the whole way.

“Mar-thon! Mar-thon! Mar-thon!”

As he pointed at the screen pulled up in front of him, he caught Don smiling at him, which only made him more excited. His brother was happy to spend time with him! He’d gotten his twin to smile, all because of him! If that wasn’t cause for celebration, he didn’t know what was.

“Deeeeee!”

“Yes, my dear brother?”

Oh, he hadn’t meant for that! He’d just wanted his attention, nothing more. But how to say that without back…backtracking?

“Jus’ wan’ say… you awesome.”

There! He kept his twin’s attention and showed him how cool he was! He grinned; he could feel his eyes shining. They felt like little amethysts reflecting his brother’s smile.

It was their secret thing; Leo was the amethyst, Donnie was the sapphire. He remembered when they were little (wasn’t it recently, though? He was little now, was it really that long ago?), and his twin had fixated on elements and crystals. It wasn’t long before he discovered the beauty of technology and science, but he’d roped Leo in all the same. They’d created their own little code with it and everything.

“I really hope you’re not trying to flatter me, Leo. But thank you anyway. Glad to know you finally acknowledge my… er, my awesomeness.”

He merely smiled; what else was he to say? He was going to sit there and pretend he understood all of the big words his twin had just said. His impromptu staring contest was interrupted by… a yawn! The dastardly thing! He tried to hide it, he really did, but his twin blinked and laughed.

“Tired, are we? Why don’t you try and sleep a little?”

Oh… no, no! He shook his head wildly, trying to stay awake. He couldn’t sleep; what he saw there was what drove him to his brother in the first place!

“But why- oh… I see. Well, what if I stayed with you?”

He hesitated, but shook his head again. He wouldn’t risk the bad things for his brother. He had to keep him safe! Though it did sound nice…

“I’ll protect you from the scary things. I’ll be here the whole time. I can handle it.”

He blinked, involuntarily reaching for Donnie. He was pulled into a gentle hug, and he felt his mind cloud a little more. The idea of being taken care of seemed so… enticing. Hesitantly, he finally nodded, his head smoothly moving against his brother’s shoulder. He felt enveloped. He felt safe.

“Thank you, Leo. I’m… I’m proud of you. Here, let’s lay down.”

He felt himself tilting, but he’d already closed his eyes. His twin’s safe hold was good enough for him. He heard a chuckle above him, and he peeked an eye open to see his brother reaching over him. He poked his arm weakly, then tugged on it. To be truly safe from the Bad Things, Dee had to be careful and stay in the bed, not reaching for things outside their little cove. Outside things needed to be seen, which he couldn’t do because he was sleeping.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m staying down. Rest now, Leo. I’ll be here.”

He could do that, now that his twin was right by his side. He could shake the Bad Thoughts away with the weight of his twin’s arm over him. He was safe. He was okay. His eyes fluttered closed, and he smiled as his blackened vision slowly filled with unicorns and rainbows.

✿✿✿

Chapter Text

What a night.

He’d just managed to finish repairs on the tank - again - so obviously this meant a fresh refill of coffee! Which unfortunately consequently meant a trip to the kitchen, considering his entire family banned him from keeping the coffee maker in his lab. He’d made the stupid thing, he still couldn’t see why it was necessary to be so far away! Oh well… it was worth it, though, so he pushed his chair away from the tank and reached for the mug still sitting on the desk. He went to take a sip…

…right. He’d already forgotten he’d drunk the whole stupid thing. The thing which he was standing up to replenish. That was an event to add to the Never Speak Of™ vault.

Perhaps his twin was right (he shuddered at the thought); only one of them could really run on a few hours a week at a time. Time to… exercise restraint. Also known as caving to the distant calls of his bedroom. For once. He flicked the lights off with a flourish, ignoring the wobble in his legs as he made for the exit. He’d be back up in the morning, though; he may have finished one thing, but there was still an entire checklist of things to do! Speaking of which, he pulled up the sprawling list on his wrist, checking the first box of make the tank operational again. The entire list was titled Never Let Mikey Drive Again, and consisted of way too many items of collateral damage.

He walked until a loud, wheezing breath caught his attention, and he blinked out of the incoming thought spiral. Right in front of him was his twin shivering on the floor. How had he missed that? Why was he on the floor? He could see his entire body heaving with too-quick breaths.

“Nardo?!”

A panic attack. Not uncommon, unfortunately, but still ever so terrifying. He’d had one too many of his own to not remember the feeling, to not do anything as his brother spiraled.

He couldn’t freeze, not this time. He wasn’t the feelings guy, that was well-known, but he’d been trying to at least do something in situations like this.

So, of course, like the good brother he was becoming, Donnie found himself rushing towards his twin. He crouched quickly, scooting closer, but stopped short as the other flinched. Right, he had to ask. This may be Leo, the one who loved hugs and was unafraid to invade his personal space, but he still had to ask.

“Hey, it’s… it’s just me. Can I touch you?”

His twin blinked owlishly at him, his mouth moving slightly.

“Oh, Donnie’s actually here… keep forgettin’ that. ‘M such an idiot…”

Oh, Leo was mumbling. Unusual, sure, but it wasn’t the only time it had happened. Leo’s brain merely turned off the function keeping his thoughts inside his mind, making him speak everything aloud. Slightly unnerving, but it helped him know what his brother was thinking. Or, in this case, the lack thereof.

“No, you dumb-dumb. You’re not an idiot, or anything else for that matter. You’re mumbling again.”

All Leo could do was blink, blink and continue to shake and talk and not know it. Leo’s arms shakily made their way towards Don’s shoulders, and he let them be placed there. He put his own hands over his brother’s, and frowned at the mumbles spilling out:

“‘M I actually here..? Is this m’ body?”

Was he dissociating? Leo was still actively panicking, but it could explain some things. He had to soothe, had to help. He squeezed Leo’s hands.

“Yes, Leon, you’re you, and you’re here. Breathe with me now…”

He took an exaggerated breath in, hoping his twin could follow by example. He didn’t, his breath whooshing right out of him. He didn’t even seem to notice.

“‘M head’s fuzzy, it hurts… where’s my family?”

Leo’s eyes widened, and he hastened to shush him, knowing he couldn’t obey. He wasn’t meaning to tell Donnie all of these things, his own body betraying him. Perhaps it was for the best, knowing his self-sacrificial streak. Donnie did like to know what was happening, after all.

“Everyone’s here, we’re all safe. You’re okay.”

He’d repeat it over and over each and every time if it would help his brother. His treasured twin.

“Oh… he’s worried… he shouldn’t be worried about me. ‘M fine, jus’ fine. Terrified but fine.”

He huffed, pulling his brother close with a frown.

“I think your definition of ‘fine’ and mine differ quite a bit, Nardo.”

He’d resisted the urge to be really sarcastic. He should really get an award for that. He gave himself a mental reward as Leo breathed, surprised laughter spilling from him with a smile, and Don’s own world lit up in joy. But then he saw his face fall, and he blinked as his brother fell back into panic. Rise and fall. Rise and fall. In and out, his chest a bolt of lightning.

“Wha’s this feeling? Wha’ ‘appened?”

“That’s laughter. Do I need to get the others?”

This was new. Dissociation helped make someone forget a lot, but it was so nerve-wracking to witness. He didn’t feel a lot, but that one got through. He lifted his hand to stop it from trembling. He couldn’t panic. That would be illogical, and he still had to stop Leo’s panic. His own feelings could wait.

“I’ can’ leave, gotta stay! Too famil’ar, when di’ i’ leave b’fore? …no, don’ wanna ‘member.”

He couldn’t help but quirk a small, humorless, cynical grin. He knew all too well the reluctance to reflect on… that time. Even now, he hated to think about it.

“Okay, I’ll stay. But you must try to copy my breathing, Leo. You’re going to pass out if you don’t.”

It wasn’t like he’d ever even considered leaving. That just wasn’t an option. But he still had to get his brother’s breathing back under control, he still had yet to truly help. Great Galileo, he hated panic attacks.

“Wou’ i’ be so bad though? Then th’ voice won’ be burdened by me.“

Donnie’s heart shattered in a beat even as Leo attempted to follow along. He thought they’d dealt with that, he thought they’d gotten through to him. Logically, he knows it’s not that easy. His own personal feelings of inadequacy still rear their ugly heads from time to time, especially when he’s stressed. But emotionally, he just wants his twin brother to understand already. He’s loved, he’s cared about. So he pulls up The Threat™. Well… one of them.

“You’re getting a nasty appointment with Dr. Feelings tomorrow, just so you know.”

Mikey could take care of the deep feelings aspect of things. He just happened to be the one here right now, and happened to stick around for the night. There was a beat of silence where Donnie breathed and Leo attempted to follow along.

“Oh, right, m’ brother. Why’d I’ take me so long t’ remember? How could I forge’ th’ mos’ important pieces of him? ”

“Hey, it’s alright. I promise, everything’s fine. Breathe in…”

He tapped as he breathed, and Leo subconsciously copied him.

“Sounds… what? I trust th’ voice though. S’kay.”

This was beyond unnerving. He had to fight to keep his hands on his brother, and lost the battle of keeping them steady. Referred to as just… the voice. That was all kinds of unsettling, and it reminded him of The Bad Things™. It was past time for backup.

“I… it’s Donnie. Your brother. I’m going to pick you up now, okay?”

He was eternally grateful he’d forgotten to take off his battle shell; his family had barred him from having it on after 11 pm. While it was only roughly half an hour after that dreadful mark, he was still happy he’d forgotten. For once. Doctor Delicate Touch always knew when he kept it on…

With his panicking brother safely in his arms, he began venturing towards Raph’s room. He was officially beginning to tap out emotionally; their older brother could help much more. He was the epitome of Safety and Openness. His twin kept muttering concerning things along the way, but he chose to ignore most of it for the time being. He filed everything away for later, opting to just keep looking at his shivering brother and hope he calms down with Raph’s help.

But as soon as the door was in sight, he felt Leo’s arms slowly wrap around him. His own arms had tightened from where he’d felt them, and his blue brother had seemed to feel it. But the unexpected pressure wasn’t discomforting; there was just a never-ending relief at the recognition in his brother’s eyes.

“Hey. You back with me?”

He still had to make sure. He always did. Leo just stared at him, some form of positivity in his gaze, not speaking. Donnie couldn’t figure it out. He was too tired to delve into intricate emotions.

“…Nardo?”

A very brief pause where the duo just breathed, and then;

“Y-yeah…”

A shaky breath from Leo as he affirmed his mental presence. But his voice set Donnie on edge; it was… almost accented, and higher in pitch. It set off the alarm bells catered to Leo’s Shenanigans™  in his head. A small whine had him changing his thoughts, however. They weren’t finished yet.

“What’s wrong? I can’t help if you don’t communicate, you know that.”

He huffed slightly, lingering by Raph’s door. Now that Leo had calmed down, he probably shouldn’t enlist backup. Donnie always hated more bodies than necessary in the aftermath of a meltdown, and he knew Leo was the same with panic attacks. He took one last gaze at the easy way out, then turned on his heel and walked away.

He soon arrived back to his room, sitting down on the bed, but the weight of his twin was still completely on him. It was… uncomfortable. He tried not to let the touch become negative, but it was hard when he didn’t have any room. He was trapped. He tried to move his twin slightly to the side, but he was glued on tight. Face buried in his neck.

“Nardo, you’re going to have to let go. You can still hug me, but I have to adjust.”

He did, thankfully. He’d fallen silent, and part of Donnie’s mind mourned the loss of easy responses. But it meant Leo was feeling better, so… overall a good thing.

“My… my fault?”

…except for the fact that his twin was entirely convinced he was a nuisance. He really, really (two reallys) tried not to be annoyed by Leo’s continual insistence that his existence was burdensome to his family.

“No, you dumb-dumb. Not everything is your fault, let alone this. Dramatic sigh, come here.”

His twin attached himself back to his side, but now it felt a lot more comforting for him, too. He squeezed, feeling the genuine joy in Leo.

“I wuv you, Tello!”

He froze. Leo’s voice was high in pitch, blurring words together. He hadn’t ever heard him like this, not even when he was half asleep with medication. He’d never heard anything like it. Was he hurt? Did he somehow have a concussion?

“Are… you okay?”

He cursed himself. He’d meant to ask what happened. Of course Leo wasn’t okay. Not only was he concerning him at the current moment, he had just come out of a panic attack.

“Of co’se! I’s okay!”

Great Galileo, it was getting more prominent. His internal alarm bells were off the charts.

“Leonardo. I love you, but I don’t believe you. What’s going on?”

He waited impatiently, mouth pressed in a line. He tried not to show his concern, still bent on making sure his twin was alright. But for some reason, the voice inside him forced him to show his worry.

“Dunno. Feel… weir’…”

He held his brother back from hiding in his grip again; he wasn’t sure he could handle so much touch. He sighed at the expectedly unhelpful answer. At least his brother had admitted something was up, so perhaps he could fish around for an actual answer.

“Can you help me figure it out? You’re… doing well already. Does anything hurt? Be honest.”

He’d almost forgotten the one easiest way to make both his twin and himself let free the deepest, darkest secrets; genuine praise. They were one and the same with the never-ending craving of approval, and he understood it through and through.

“M’head feels all fuzzy! Li’… like a cloud!”

He stayed silent, thinking. Whatever could have happened to make Leo’s thinking fuzzy? It didn’t seem to be a concussion; he wasn’t complaining of a headache or migraine. He hadn’t been injured as far as he could tell, and asking him might make him defensive. He saw Leo beginning to squirm, which was both completely normal and an anomaly. He decided to just ask for more information.

“…fuzzy? Could you be more specific?”

Leo only shuffled more, and he really tried not to bristle at the amount of contact that was being made. He kept his attention away from it; this wasn’t about him. He had to think about what was happening.

“I’s… different. Dunno.”

He heavily resisted the urge to sigh heavily. Leo was obviously unable to provide much help, and he was still determinedly stuck. He whipped out his phone, typing in what he knew and hoping the internet had the results.

Concussions… migraines… lack of sleep… more about concussions… hm. Lots of repeats of all these medical issues. The lacking sleep was incredibly ironic considering the insomniac in his arms, but… none of the results felt quite right, thankfully. Medications, more on lack of sleep… age regression…

Wait, stop, hold on. What was that? The post didn’t even explain it, it was just someone venting about how their regression made their brain foggy. More research was in order.

Oh. There was a hunch within him that flared to life, something that clicked a connection in his mind; his brother had been talking almost like a child… it was worth a shot.

“Do you feel… younger?”

Leo blinked, then smiled and nodded. It seemed he’d hit the jackpot on the issue, and he silently celebrated.

“Mhm! I tink I small! You smart, Don-Don! I didn’ even know!”

As his twin rocked and giggled, he sighed softly; he really was like a… little kid. Oh, hold on. Oh. Oh no. Donnie was currently dealing with a child. A small, vulnerable child who was likely still prone to tears and panic. He… he was not equipped for this. Leo, his… usually older twin, was currently dependent on him. That was a lot of pressure for one emotionally-stunted individual. Especially one who was never taught what to do in a situation like this. Especially especially considering how none of them had literally ever encountered this before!

He needed space. Space to shake out the static spreading through him and space to find out exactly what was going on, organize all his thoughts and make a five-part plan with a backup plan and alternative options. And to do that, he needed to leave. He could get more coffee in his system to have the energy to deal with the fallout, and be able to get Leo a drink of his own. Usually he’d drink tea, but… did child-Leo like tea? What did children even like?

“Here, use this blanket. I’ll get you a drink, then we can figure this out together. I’ll be right back.”

His arms left, he stood up, and Leo sobbed. The arms his blue twin had used to slice deadly arcs in the sky now weakly reached for him, falling limp on the bed and taking the rest of him down with them. He curled up on the blankets, crying for Donnie. He already believed him gone.

Shit, shit, shit, that was the wrong thing to do. How selfish of him. This was real life, not a faux reality where he got infinite time to recalibrate.

“Nardo! Hey, it’s alright, I’m here, I won’t leave.”

He quickly aborted his leaving motions, texting Shelldon to make him a cup of coffee and make a cup of juice to go with it. He made an addendum telling him not to question anything. He climbed back into the tangle of the bed, close to his twin.

“Breathe for me, bud. It’s alright, we’re safe.”

He gave himself one last shake of his hands, then wrapped them back around Leo. His brother curled into a tight ball, tucking as far under Donnie as he possibly can. Making himself smaller. Donnie tried not to frown at the implication.

“I’m right here. I’m right here.”

He repeats this, rubbing his brother’s shoulders. He places his head atop his twin’s, letting himself bob with the sobs of his currently little brother. He hears little chirps coming from his brother, and he keeps up his reassurances as much as he can. They feel stilted and wrong coming out of his mouth, but they seem to soothe his brother nonetheless. Eventually, his twin quiets, trembling in his hold. Donnie sees his haunted eyes, though, and knows distraction is probably the way to go now.

“How about we try doing something? Would you like one of my fidgets?”

He surprised himself, even; he usually hated sharing his fidgets, even though the prospect of helping always appealed to him. The germs his brothers could get on them… but Leo was a small child. Although the risk of germs was even greater, his options for calming him down were much more limited. He could always replace the items as he’d keep his sentimental fidgets away for now.

At Leo’s nod, he placed one of his keyrings into his brother’s hands, but the slider barely moved to clasp it. He shifted, looking nervously down at the object, and Donnie frowned. It seemed his body was still delaying responses from his earlier panic… what was something they could do that was child-friendly and post-panic-friendly?

Maybe he needed to think differently. What were their common activities when they were little? Reading, though Leo struggled a lot with that so that was out. They roughhoused a lot more than Donnie had preferred, and he didn’t think Leo could walk currently so that was out too. Coloring… that was it!

“Do you wanna try coloring? I know you always used to love dragging me into doing that with you.”

Leo nodded with a smile, and he internally fist-pumped at his success. Although… he really didn’t want them coloring on his bed, and they shouldn’t drink around the paper. He quickly texted Shelldon to abort the mission and he apologized curtly. They’d also have to move; he supposed his twin could take his favorite chair… this time. He wrapped an arm tightly around Leo, standing slowly as his brother shook. Donnie took on more of Leo’s weight, moving slowly, but paused as his twin attempted to stand on his own. He was ready as his twin buckled with a chirp, catching him and adjusting accordingly as he stood still.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. Just relax as much as you can, we’re almost there.”

Leo only chirruped sadly as they started moving again, making it over to the desk he loved researching at. Donnie would often start his projects here, so his desk was full of half-finished blueprints and notes, which he pushed aside as he lowered his twin into his favorite chair. Leo gasped as he registered that he was sitting, chirping thankfully as he slowly spun around. Donnie smiled at his brother’s actions, rummaging around in a distant drawer at the far side of the desk. He knew he’d kept some of Mikey’s supplies in here for emergencies, and lo and behold, he found a little notebook and a pack of colored pencils. It wasn’t much, but it would do, seeing as he couldn’t leave.

As he placed the supplies on the freshly-cleaned table, Leo gasped and rocked in the chair. Donnie sped behind him in case he rocked too far, but nothing happened. He came back around nonchalantly, opening the pack of pencils as Leo cheered.

“Wow. You’re… excited. That’s not sarcasm.”

He shouted as Leo suddenly grabbed his hand, pulling him down to a crouch next to him. He giggled with an insistent chirp, and Donnie got the message enough to know this was not a battle he was going to win. Not that he really wanted to try with how adorable his twin was being.

“Alright, alright, I’ll color with you. It really is just like old times…”

Leo pointed at the notebook happily, grabbing two of the colored pencils Donnie laid out. Except… he had grabbed them upside down. Donnie really, really had to suppress the urge to take a picture of his twin’s struggles, but he couldn’t stop the snickering laughter that spilled from him. At the emotional look of utter betrayal he got as he grabbed the pencils back, he couldn’t help but laugh harder. Leo stuck out his tongue, and wow if that didn’t bring back memories. That was a move neither of them did often anymore, but the pout currently on his brother’s face was certainly common.

Donnie decided to pity his brother and give him the pencil back, making sure he’s holding it correctly, and smiles as his twin finally laughs too. As his blue brother begins his drawing, Donnie decides to grab another chair from the corner and work on some schematics he’d started the other day. The page could use some color coding anyway, so he grabbed a light violet color and slid one of his blueprints towards him.

He turned to his paper, easily ignoring Leo’s quiet humming, and turned to his sketched image of a cloaking brooch. Ironically, it had been Leo himself who had drawn it for him, seeing how good he was at copying from real life. He’d taken one look at Sunita’s brooch and just knew his family could help on the surface so much more if they had them. He would’ve started so much earlier, but he’d made sure to heal up first and get everyone’s permission for once. It was quite the personal project.

“Dee! Lookit!”

His attention was up and away from his work instantly, contrasting his usual hesitance, and he looked at Leo’s bright, sparkling face and the paper he held in his hands.

The paper that had a drawing of them on it.

Oh. Oh great Galileo, feelings. He was feeling the feelings. He did not want to feel the feelings so soon again, but holy truffle Mac and cheese, he was touched. It didn’t seem like much to an outsider, but Leo had chosen to draw the two of them. With the word “twins” below them. In his regressed mind, his brother had chosen to draw them, not literally anything else. To say he was touched was an understatement.

“You ‘kay?”

Oh, he hadn’t reacted. At all. Leo’s mind had probably forgotten, as Donnie knew his family knew his ticks by now. His thought process properly broken, he let himself smile as he gazed on the small doodle.

“Y-yeah. It’s beautiful, Lee, I love it.”

His brother blinked, mouth making a little “o” as he seemed to realize. But what confused Donnie was when Leo shook the paper, holding it closer to him. He shook it again, whining a little, and- oh.

“Oh! Is this for me? Nardo…”

He stared at it again as Leo shook it happily. His body seemed tense, but stayed unmoving. Gently, he took it, stared at it one more time, and placed it in his special drawer for gifts. He shut and locked it again, slowly turning back to his twin with a longing smile.

“I’ll take very good care of it, Leo. Thank you.”

They breathed together, both still. For a moment, he could forget about his brother’s earlier panic and his current regressed mind. For a moment, they could forget everything that had happened to change them. For a moment, they could both forget about all the bad things that were still out there.

Then Leo began squirming, reaching for the pencil that was somehow in Don’s hand. He smiled, handing it back and picking up his own pencil as well.

“Okay, okay, I get it. Here’s your colored pencil back.”

He gave Leo another blank piece of paper from the notebook, and turned back to his schematics. He was just starting to write again when he heard the chair scooch towards him, and the hint of giggling from his twin.

His eyes flicked to him for a moment, but they quickly went back to his paper. He’d give his brother the illusion of triumph for now, if only because his smile was so pure and he didn’t want to ruin that. Yet.

He kept his mind on his brother, halfheartedly writing a few words in a box on the page as Leo slid right next to him. He saw his brother place his colored pencil, bright pink in color, on the corner of his page. Leo was bad at sneaking when little, apparently. Even if he hadn’t known before, he’d have seen that by now.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?”

Leo gasped, flinging his hands up and accidentally tossing the pencil as he did so. It rolled quietly to a stop on the table, echoing in the silence.

“Jus’ wanna make it pwetty! Is full of boring words!”

Donnie snorted; it was just like he’d been caught in a crime. His twin whined, and his eyes shone. Oh no, was he about to cry again? He didn’t think he could handle it, so he was quick to place a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s boring, huh? You say that every time. Why don’t you add something over here?”

He could suffer his sophisticated blueprints having a doodle or two on them if it made Leo happy. He rotated the paper so the most empty corner was facing his brother, who looked at it in wonder. The shine in his eyes turned positive, and Donnie quietly sighed in relief.

“Ya! T’ank you, Dee!”

Leo rocked in the chair again, and Donnie fully suppressed the urge to support the back again. His blue brother clapped, then reached over and grabbed the pencil. He got to work, and Donnie drew some strokes of his own on the paper, careful not to tug it from his little brother (and wasn’t that a mouthful? He was used to Leo being older).

He kept thinking as he wrote; should he tell the others about what they’d discovered? Should he ask about it later? But what if Leo was embarrassed and shut down?

“…Don-Don. Deeeeeeee…”

Oh, shoot, that was Leo. He shouldn’t have lost track like that, he had to take care of his brother. He looked up to see his twin cross-eyed and holding his hand in front of his face, and he raised an eyebrow.

“Leo?”

As if a switch had turned, Leo pulled the blueprint out from under Donnie’s arms. Wait, what was he doing? He was stealing his stuff- wait, no, he only held it up proudly. He couldn’t get upset at him right now, he was literally a child. A child that had drawn a cute little deformed unicorn on the corner of his genius blueprints.

“Ooh, I should’ve guessed. Looks spectacular.”

He nodded in approval, but stopped at Leo’s apparent confusion. What was it now? Was it something he said? Oh, why were children so unpredictable? Why were his brothers so unpredictable?

Then Leo’s look turned thoughtful, and Donnie almost facepalmed. Again, this was a child. He probably was trying to figure something out, like a word. He wouldn’t say anything unless he asked, though, so he waited patiently as his brother thought and thought. He turned back to his blueprints, but kept his attention on Leo this time. Therefore, he immediately sees when his brother claps his hands over his ears with his eyes shut tight. He’s already turned toward him when he whines, his hands hovering but not touching. He would not touch without permission.

“What’s wrong?”

Leo chirped, reaching over towards Don but then retracting his movement. Donnie saw him shake his head as if reprimanding himself, and swallowed. Oh boy, more emotional reassurance. Fun.

“Here, it’s okay. No need to hesitate, I am perfectly fine, you are not.”

Confident in what he was doing, he swept up Leo’s shaking hands into his own. Yes, he may have been struggling earlier, but now this was a choice. He would do anything for his brother. Leo opened his eyes, looked at him, and his eyes shimmered with an idea.

“JJ! JJ mara- mar- ma… mar-thon!”

That was surprising. Not the wording, the literal 180 mood swing. Did he mention how unpredictable children were? It bears repeating that he wasn’t prepared for unpredictable children.

(This does not mean he didn’t love his little brother. A child in his family is the exception.)

“Alright, a Jupiter Jim marathon it is. Why don’t you pick what we watch first? If I remember correctly, I picked last time and owe you the first pick. Isn’t that right?”

If his records were correct, Leo was the one who picked last time, but he wasn’t about to hold it against him this time. As the one who had panicked, he got automatic Picking Rights™. Don was not about to stoop that low.

Leo squeaked as they stood, Donnie kicking his flimsy chair back to the corner where it belonged, and they were off towards the bed once more, Leo chanting the whole way there.

“Mar-thon! Mar-thon! Mar-thon!”

They settled onto the bed, Donnie quickly grabbing his computer and booting it up. As soon as the screen to choose a movie was pulled up, Leo was pointing excitedly at different titles and giggling. He let himself smile at the sight, sighing fondly at the child. It had been ages since Leo’s eyes had looked so… full. Eventually, Leo pointed at one movie over and over, and he started it with a quick click.

“Deeeeee!”

“Yes, my dear brother?”

His attention was all on his brother, ever patient as Leo floundered a bit. He was the master of focus, after all, best of his family (it had been an extra lair game event once a few years back. After he sat focused on the point for hours after everyone else lost, they decided never to do that one again).

“Jus’ wan’ say… you awesome.”

Well… that was unexpected. That fact should’ve been expected at this point, but he could only smile at the declaration. A sudden thought came to him, reminding him of a moment long ago. Leo’s eyes sparkled like amethysts, just like when they had when they gave each other their colored gem. Sapphires were blue, so that was Donnie’s gem. Amethysts were purple, so that was Leo’s gem. It was their own little code that had been forgotten to the wind for a long time. Perhaps they should use those as their code names on missions; he remembered his brothers complaining about them awhile back and they’d honestly ditched the entire concept.

Leo’s eyes slowly lost their shine, and he realized he had stayed silent.

“I really hope you’re not trying to flatter me, Leo. But thank you anyway. Glad to know you finally acknowledge my… er, my awesomeness.”

He also wouldn’t stoop low enough to hold this against him when he was older again, not when he had such a cute smile right now. He wouldn’t admit it this time; perhaps if he regressed again. He’d have to get used to that, but that shouldn’t be too hard if he was as enthusiastically wonderful as this time. Clingy, yes, but wonderful nonetheless.

Leo yawned, obviously trying to tamper it down, and Donnie laughed a bit.

“Tired, are we? Why don’t you try and sleep a little?”

Leo immediately shook his head, nervousness oozing off of him. Donnie raised a brow; shouldn’t he get the rest he needs? He knew how much his twin struggled with sleep (he did not acknowledge himself).

“But why- oh… I see. Well, what if I stayed with you?”

He’d done this before too, not that he’d admit it. They’d long ago made a pact to keep any post-panic happenings to themselves, and as a result they trusted each other with a lot. Not that he needed it, no… not at all. Leo needed that now, though, as he shook his head with a little tremble. He sighed internally; he hated vulnerability.

“I’ll protect you from the scary things. I’ll be here the whole time. I can handle it.”

A promise he could absolutely keep. He would stay up for days if it meant his twin stayed safe. He’d done that after the invasion and he’d do it again in a heartbeat. He’d give a thousand hugs if it meant his brother healed even a little, and he’d start with one now. Leo nodded his head into Donnie’s shoulder, and he internally cheered in relief.

“Thank you, Leo. I’m… I’m proud of you. Here, let’s lay down.”

He slowly guided them down onto the pillows, trying to reach over Leo to grab his phone on the nightstand. But before he could reach it, he felt a weak tug at his arm, seeing Leo’s scared but insistent gaze. He paused, then lowered his arm as he was tugged again. His own entertainment could wait.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m staying down. Rest now, Leo. I’ll be here.”

He kept his arm around Leo, hoping the pressure was a comfort and not anything else. It seemed to be, for his eyes slowly drifted closed, not opening again after just a moment. Donnie patted him gently as he smiled, slowly reaching back with his other hand to release his battle shell. He could suffer with the menial task of sleeping this time. It was easier with his twin right there, eyes closed and body still and peaceful, and Donnie felt himself drift off as he watched his twin breathe. He was okay. They were both okay, because they had each other.