Chapter Text
The years passed in a flurry of commotion, yet it seemed like nothing ever happened at all. Jasper and Harry kept up their traditions and their rituals, and they only seemed to get closer overtime.
Harry rarely flinched around Jasper anymore; not when he moved too suddenly or appeared out of nowhere, not even when he lightly touched Harry’s back with the palm of his hand or placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder- all his flinching and tensing was gone when it was just them… for the most part.
Harry was actually quite comfortable with touch after many years, and Jasper, who previously hated physical contact, wouldn’t mind wrapping his arms around his Harry or stroking his ever so soft hair. Some may have thought them strange, but he loved his Harry like a brother and a son, his best friend and a companion. Nothing was ever romantic- that would make them both much too uncomfortable- but Jasper was pleased with the platonic relationship they had built.
That didn’t mean that they didn’t talk about romance, however hesitant they both were.
“I was in love once,” Harry had said quietly, both a little more than a bit drunk, but aware.
“Oh?” Jasper prompted, always pleased when Harry started conversations and talked, willingly giving up the information he held so close to his chest.
“Yeah, wildly- hopelessly. I had baggage, but it didn’t matter, you know? I still got kissed and called ‘love’ at the end of the day, so why did anything else matter anyways? Neither of us cared, we were just happy with each other. You should have seen us, Jazz, I was so damned lucky. and I ruined it all….”
He trailed off, his eyes becoming dulled. “I didn’t even say goodbye,” he whispered melancholily, “just kept walking until I couldn’t anymore. And that’s how we met.”
Jasper stared at him with bemusement, not caring to mention that at fourteen Harry had had more of a relationship than Jasper had in all of his years of existence. When they got drunk Harry managed to say the most depressing things, and yet none of them ever made sense for long. Still, piece by piece Jasper was putting together every aspect of Harry’s life that he shared or didn’t share, trying to see the whole story. Jasper never asked for clarification beyond a few words- he had an eternity to find every piece, he figured he could make it last.
“Love’s a joke”, Jasper whispered before Harry blacked out on his shoulder, giving half of an agreement before he did so. They never discussed what they talked about drunk when they were sober, but Jasper didn’t mind. There was something he enjoyed about their ‘drunk late confessions’, as Harry had called them.
And every once in a while, Jasper realised just how messed up they both were.
On Harry’s twenty-first birthday he had laughed bitterly , and told Jasper that his parents had died when they were twenty-one. Jasper said that his older brother left home when he was that age, and Jasper never saw him again. Harry had asked if he missed him, and Jasper said that he couldn’t remember much of him, but what he did he treasured.
“You can’t remember?” Harry asked with confusion, his emotions sad and bitter .
Jasper looked back at Harry, raising his brows. “Most vampires can’t remember much of their human lives, Darlin’,” he said lightly, “can you?”
He nodded distractedly, both his emotions and expression distant. “I can remember everything,” Harry said softly. “Things I didn’t remember before you turned me,” Jasper eyed him with interest- he hadn’t heard Harry talk about this before. “Every moment of every day. Every minuscule detail with perfect clarity- what I was thinking, what it tasted and smelled like, every little noise like I was in that moment right now.”
His voice was hard, laced with bitterness and misery. Jasper's cold heart ached, wishing he could do something to help this little darling. Apologies wouldn’t do anything to fix it, he knew that, but he couldn’t help himself.
“I shouldn’t have turned you,” he whispered with guilt. He slowly wrapped his arms around Harry, who didn’t pull away, much to Jasper's relief. “you shouldn’t have to be haunted by your past.”
Harry shrugged, “that’s just how life is, not your fault.”
“Still-”
“-Jazz,” he quietly cut Jasper off, surprising him. “Everyone has regrets,” he said in the tone he used half mockingly, implying that someone had told him so in the past and he didn’t take it seriously. “It’s fine if you regret me, I’m sure my parents do by now.”
“I don’t regret you, darlin’. It would be cliche to say you’re the best thing in my existence, but it’s true.”
“Yeah?” Harry asked, his emotions perking up slightly, though not by much. His voice remained sullen .
“‘Yeah’,” Jasper repeated Harry’s words. “You’re young- were young. So, so young, and I ruined it.” Jasper spoke lightly, his voice ridden with guilt as he gently stroked Harry’s soft hair.
“It’s okay, Jazz. You didn’t ruin anything,” Harry was quick to defend.
“Yeah?” Jasper smiled crookedly. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, not really believing the young boy. "You had so much left for you, so much to live for, so much to do .”
“No, you didn’t ruin it. I ruined my life by myself-” Jasper frowned again, not keen on the idea of Harry placing the blame on himself when it seemed Harry had no control over it, “-it was ruined before I even met you. Actually, Jazz, my life was ruined before I was even born ”.
“Well your life may be over,” Jasper said lightly, “but your existence is free to not be ruined. I won’t allow it to be,” he teased a bit seriously, though his voice was still light.
Harry smiled ruefully . “Someone once told me to live my life like I’ve never heard the word regret.”
“That is good advice,” Jasper hummed.
“Yeah?” Harry sighed. “I reckon life is simpler now.”
Their lives were rather simple, for the most part. The world was still turning, things kept burning, but Jasper and Harry’s existences barely changed. While it was plain and easy, for the most part, it was a climate he could live in, and it was never boring with Harry.
They still had to train the newborns and fight other armies in battle, but that was low risk and mindless.
Although they still trained one-on-one with each other- more for fun and something to do rather than practice- it wasn’t very crucial anymore. Most days they ended up talking or sitting in silence rather than training.
Harry was getting good, too. He was able to hold his own in fights, able to beat Jasper when they were practicing one on one. Jasper had once seen him take down four newborns that were coming at him at once, and that all but confirmed how much of a legend Harry was at fighting. Still, he stayed out of the spotlight, Jasper being the Major that everyone knew about, but Jasper knew Harry appreciated not being known, which was much different from his life before in England, it seemed.
“Do you like the fight?” Jasper asked abruptly, switching the subject. Even though he knew Harry’s emotions when they fought, those didn’t matter all that much in his mind- Harry’s opinion did.
Harry shrugged. “I don’t hate it like you seem to. It’s- it’s mindless, isn’t it? It’s something new and distracting, nothing to complain about really.”
Jasper hummed. “Do you feel no remorse for the newborns’ existences you end?” He asked genuinely, his curiosity getting the better of him. Harry tensed slightly, but Jasper paid it no mind.
“They’re living the same life we are, aren’t they? If I’m remorseful for them I’d have to be remorseful for myself, and I’m done with that.”
“‘And I’m done with that’” Jasper repeated in an echo, testing out the words himself. “Well said”.
There once was a time they were pawns, Jasper pretending he knew how to play chess. Now he realised what Maria never saw: they were all people, at the end of the day. All people trapped in a room of mirrors and a life of lies.
Peter told the truth, but Harry never hid from it. And Jasper didn’t want to either.
“Is it time for you to train my newborns, childe?” Maria asked his Harry. The majority of their newborns were new and in need of training, but Jasper didn’t know what game Maria thought she was playing. He subtly shifted his stance to more in front of Harry.
Harry met his eyes for a split second. “Mental,” he breathed, drawing a fond smile from him before it melted back into a glare.
“No,” Jasper tried not to growl, “that’s my job, not his.” Ideally, it wouldn’t be either of their jobs, but that was irrelevant.
Harry shot him an amused look. “Possessive,” he mouthed with a small smirk. Jasper wasn’t sure if he was referring to him being possessive of training the newborns, which he was not, or if he was talking about Jasper being possessive of him, which Jasper was guilty of, even if he wouldn’t admit it. Knowing Harry, it was the former.
“ Tu hijito can speak for himself, Jasper ¿Sí? ” She turned, looking expectantly at Harry. “Well, childe?” Jasper idly wondered if he could get away with calling Harry ‘mijito’- a term of endearment that meant something along the lines of ‘my little son’ in English. He stored that information away for later, listening to what Harry, who didn’t seem to notice what Maria had called him, was going to say.
Harry eyed Jasper again, a smug look on his face for no reason in particular that Jasper could place. “Should I tell her I want to be at least a Colonel, if not a general?” He met Maria’s eyes, speaking loud enough for her to hear. “No,” he ignored any pleasantries, no ‘Ma’am’ or ‘thank you’ tacked onto his sentence. Just because Harry talked more than he did when Jasper had first met him didn’t mean that he wasn’t still quiet in general- especially around other people.
He did find it amusing though how little he feared Maria compared to all the other vampires. Even Jasper was still a bit terrified of her, though he supposed part of that was his fault for being a fool in the first place. He let Maria sink her claws into him, he wouldn’t let her do the same to his Harry.
“¿No? ¿Por qué no?”
“He said no, Maria”. She shot him another look that he took to mean ‘I'm not talking to you, ijit’.
“I’m not going to,” Harry told her with his face blank.
She frowned. “No, I see that you aren’t. I wonder, why are your eyes green?”
Harry raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Jasper could tell that he was uncomfortable .
“If you don’t mind, Ma’am, there are newborns to train.”
Her attention snapped to Jasper. It had been sixty three years and her eyes on him still made him want to squirm uncomfortably. Nonetheless, he held his ground.
“Of course, a battle is approaching- leave.”
Jasper nodded and left, making sure Harry was following close behind him.
As soon as he turned his back (mostly, Harry would never turn his back on the enemy as easily as Jasper did), Harry spoke, his voice quiet but indignant .
“‘Why are your eyes green?’” his Harry mocked, matching Maria’s accent. “I dunno, I never took bloody biology, now did I? They’re not even green! They’re black.”
“Don’t pay her any mind, darlin’,” he said softly, aware that Maria was still relatively close to them. “Her whole game is getting under other people’s skin, I reckon.”
“Yeah?” Harry smiled. “I reckon she’s a nutter. Honestly, after knowing me for thirty years you would think she knows that that would be rubbish.”
Jasper nodded- while Harry could fit into a leadership role, Jasper didn’t think he would ever want to. “Rubbish.” he repeated with a small huff of laughter. Despite the years in America, Harry had yet to lose his English accent or dialect. Jasper doubted he would at that point. “Let us hunt,” he suggested.
Harry raised both his eyebrows with defiance. "You told Maria that we were going to train the newborns,” he reminded Jasper, like he had somehow forgotten already. Jasper refrained from rolling his eyes.
“She does not care as long as we don’t lose, which we won’t. And you have not hunted in nearly three months.” Jaspers fault partly for not enforcing better habits, apparently.
Harry rolled his eyes moodily. “You don’t even like hunting. Besides, I’ve gone longer without hunting before.”
Jasper couldn’t help tensing at Harry’s word. It was an unspoken rule between the two of them that they never talked about certain subjects, Harry’s leaving being one of those topics, even years later. They would always skirt around those subjects, though Jasper always couldn’t help wondering. Still, he couldn't stop the grimace from appearing on his face.
“I would appreciate you eatin’ every once in a while, you know,” Jasper had told him a few years after he returned; he already hated how malnourished his Harry looked, but it wasn’t like he could do anything about it- their bodies were frozen, never changing.
“I don’t see why you care so much,” Harry had muttered back in a rather snarky tone. Jasper hadn’t taken it personal, he knew Harry was just being difficult because he didn’t want to hunt. He still wondered what could have caused Harry’s aversion to food. He didn’t know much about eating disorders, but he doubted it was anorexia nervosa- Harry seemed to know how thin he was, he just wasn’t hungry.
“I care because you and your health matter to me,” he had said carefully, not wanting to upset his Harry- though it seemed he already had.
“It’s not like I can starve to death,” Harry had scoffed, “and I’m not getting any more nutrient. In case it’s escaped your notice, I’m already dead.”
Jasper had sighed quietly, though he knew Harry heard him anyway. He was terrible at parenting, of that he was certain.
“I’ve heard of vampires- day walkers, my apologies- who have starved. It’s not a pretty sight, darlin’, I can tell you that much,” he had said truthfully. He felt like it was a never ending story of trying to convince Harry to feed every month, but they would get past that… eventually. “Once a month is all I’m asking. Could you give me that much? Please?”
“Don’t beg Jasper, it’s not becoming,” he had somewhat sneered, but begrudgingly agreed to hunt, which Jasper was appreciative of- the only thing they ever seemed to argue over was Harry’s lack of appetite .
Though, since then he hadn’t had as much difficulties, as long as he reminded Harry of his agreement.
“I know you have, but I would appreciate it if you hunted with me now. We had an agreement,” he reminded quietly.
“I know,” Harry muttered back equally as quietly. He seemed to be debating something, a small frown tugging on his face.
“What is it?” He questioned as curiosity got the better of him, knowing that Harry would hardly voice what was bothering him without prompting.
“Why didn’t you want me training the newborns?”
Jasper raised an eyebrow. “Did you want to?”
Harry shook his head.
“Then that’s your answer, Darlin’.”
Harry furrowed his brow, then smirked. “Didn’t want someone stealing your job?”
“Oh course,” Jasper drawled sarcastically, his accent prominent. “I couldn’t bear to part with the menial task of babysitting.” He smirked lightly as Harry laughed, remembering when Peter had laughed at him for having to ‘nanny the newborns’.
“Do you think Maria cares?” His Harry asked as his laughs died off, his expression thoughtful. Jasper shook his head.
“I highly doubt that she will- she knew the answer before she even asked, did she not? Maria probably thought that it would be fun for you, even- though she resents the task herself.”
“Why stay then?” Harry asked as they neared the town, catching Jasper off guard.
“You expect Maria to leave?” He asked curiously, if not a little ruefully. “We are creatures of habit. And, as much as I… dislike her, Maria of Monterrey hasn’t had it easy. Her leaving would be the equivalent of admitting defeat in her eyes, something she would never do.”
“I thought you hated her?” Harry asked uncertainly . Jasper shook his head slightly, and nodded towards a lone woman walking the street with a pointed look. Harry scrunched his nose up adorably and shook his head, his emotions disgusted. “No, someone else.”
Jasper rolled his eyes. “Hunt, I will explain then.”
Harry, too, rolled his eyes, though as he was rather amused rather than annoyed , Jasper paid it no mind. It didn’t matter how old Harry was at that point, he still acted with every bit of adolescence in which Jasper had turned him with (which, arguably wasn’t much, considering his childe’s stolen childhood, but it was something).
He felt Harry’s resentment and disgust as he sunk his teeth into a middle aged man, his avolition and discomfort outweighing the human’s terror and pain , though still making him want to squirm uncomfortably.
“Story time,” Harry reminded him as they climbed their roof, Harry’s bright green eyes filled with abhorrence for the meal they had just had- Jasper couldn’t blame him after watching Harry force down the blood.
“I’m afraid it’s not much of a story, darlin’,” Jasper smiled gently, taking in Harry’s soothing scent. Then he sighed, wishing he had never brought it up. “I never hated her though, despite what you may think.”
“But you said she was controlling you before?”
“I believe that you were the one who said that, Darlin’,” he smirked, but that smirk quickly faded. “You have to keep in mind that mentally, she and I are the same age- though she never fought in a war. I was eager to serve her, I realize. I cannot blame her for that.”
Jasper paused, Harry’s emotions interesting him. “What’s on your mind, love?”
Harry shook his head slightly. “Irrelevant”, he muttered. “I just think that I’ve seen the other side of that story before”. Jasper hummed and stored away another fact about Harry, interesting .
“So you can see why I cannot, ethically, resent her for that reason”.
Harry huffed and muttered “ethically,” in a mocking tone, but Jasper ignored that, as he knew Harry wanted him to.
It was quiet for a moment, the quiet they so easily fell into together. Then Jasper laughed a little bitterly as he ran his hand through his tangled hair. “Lord, sometimes I even think I did love her, but you would call that mental, wouldn’t you? That what we had was love?”
“Yeah,” Harry muttered. “Absolutely mental,” though his voice didn’t convey the same message his words did. His voice and emotions made it feel like Jasper wasn’t being ‘mental’ at all. It made him curious.
“But I never did answer your question, did I?”
Harry frowned slightly, looking over the rooftops, and shook his head.
“I don’t know all of her past- she’s not one for sharing. She’s been here longer than either of us have been alive, though by how much I do not know.
“She was part of another coven before she became known for her armies, Monterrey. Maria wasn’t as interested in the fight then, not as involved, you could say. During one of the battles, her entire coven- her mate, sire- they were all destroyed, the land we now fight on claimed by another coven.
“She fights for them, I presume. She’s fiercely protective of that land. But there’s more to that. She’s… asserting her dominance, you could say. She wants others to know that she’s tough, to be afraid to mess with her. If she left, that land would be claimed within seconds, all her power lost. At that point, she would only be a nomad with an ability to fight, which isn’t all that impressive on its own.
“Apologies, this is rather different than things we tend to talk about. Am I boring you?” Jasper knew he wasn’t; despite Harry’s rather disinterested body language, his emotions conveyed no apathy .
Predictably, Harry shook his head. “No. It’s good to know other people’s motives, isn’t it?”
Jasper hummed. “And what are your motives, darlin’?”
“Me? I think you’ve got the wrong bloke, Major Jasper. I haven’t any motives.”
Jasper laughed lightly, wondering to himself why Harry had come back to a life they all hated, why he continued to stay.
His questions were left unanswered, of course, but in the end he had his Harry with him, so why did it matter?
“I’ve figured it out”, Harry murmured as they fought. Jasper raised his brow as Harry ducked under him, prompting Jasper to spin around.
“What would that be, darlin’?” Harry was rather fond of talking during a fight, as it became apparent over the years.
“Remember how you thought I had ‘inherited’-” he did little air quotes, “-your empathic ability?”
Jasper hummed. He was a vampire, he wouldn’t have forgotten.
“Right well, you know how it was so random? One second I could feel your emotions but the next second I couldn’t? I think I figured it out.”
“Oh?” Jasper frowned slightly as he lost track of Harry, who was undoubtedly messing with him, though he could still hear his soft voice.
“It’s when I’m making physical contact, I think. Skin to skin though, which is probably why it took me so long to notice. Like Aro Volturi, maybe.”
“How do you know of the Volturi?” Ever since the Volturi were rumored to come, Jasper had wondered where Harry had learned about them.
“I’ll tell you if you let me win,” a voice said from his right. He moved left.
“Hardly, Darlin’. I can’t be known for letting others win,” he smirked. He could have let Harry win, but he would rather Harry give him information more willingly. One day , he reminded himself.
He was glad though, that Harry’s empathetic abilities only worked when he was making direct contact, something he knew Harry loathed to do with the majority of people. It meant that he wouldn’t have to feel what everyone was feeling at every second. It meant that Jasper only needed to hate himself a fraction of the amount he did before.
“You’re pensive?” Harry noticed as he joined Jasper, coming out from atop a tree. “Can I ask why?”
Jasper tilted his head slightly, not having anticipated Harry’s question. “Of course.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “Why?”
“I’ve been thinking about my friend lately, Peter,” he said slowly. For whatever reason, Harry scrunched his nose at the name. “He was somewhat of a… brother, you could say. Our friendship was forged from one of violence and bloodshed, much like ours was made from past trauma,” he winked, and Harry laughed, always one to joke about trauma.
“Tell me about him,” Harry requested, and Jasper spoke in a low voice as they walked.
“Unlike the majority of the newborns I am forced to interact with, he was more civilized, relatable. Always speaking his mind even when he shouldn’t. Giving the cold hard truth and not caring. Some aspects of you remind me of him. Though, of course, he wasn’t nearly as sassy.”
Harry huffed quietly, denying Jasper’s words. “I haven’t a clue what you mean.” There was silence for a moment, then Harry spoke quietly, matching Jasper’s low tone. “But he left…?”
Jasper didn’t sigh, not wanting Harry to interpret it as frustration with him.
“He was good at the fight, but he didn’t care for it. He found a friendship with a newborn, Charlotte. She-” Jasper paused. She was rather ordinary- small, made for a bad warrior. “-Charlotte was not made for battle, but he found her interesting. When her life was threatened by the constant turnabout that you’ve seen occurs here, he fled with her.”
“When he told her to run and chased after her, I let them go.”
Harry paused his walking. “I didn’t realise,” he murmured, the frown on his face matching his melancholy emotions. “I know you’ve talked about him before, but…” Harry trialed off, then blinked. “I shouldn’t have left,” his voice was flat.
“It doesn’t matter,” Jasper assured him. “I don’t fault you for leaving, darlin’.”
“Do you fault Peter?”
Jasper climbed the tree, following Harry to the highest branch.
“No. Leaving truly was his last resort. He had tried convincing me to keep some of the newborns- Charlotte, of course. He had asked me to take it up with Maria. I thought he held the same resentment for disposing of the newborns as I did, but I know better now. He had panicked at the time- I can’t fault him for love.”
“But you fault yourself?”
He gave Harry a considering look. “You’re talking about Maria?” He said after a moment, knowing that Harry was. He nodded. “That’s irrelevant. My… relationship with her is complex, messy- you know that. Just let it be.”
“Fine.”
They were quiet for a moment, just sitting in that tree. Jasper’s thoughts were still on Peter, wondering where he was, if he ever made it out of the South, what it must be like in the North. It wasn’t until the sun had long past set that he spoke again.
“Harry?”
Harry said nothing in return, but Jasper knew that he was listening. He continued. “What Peter did? Left with Charlotte for her safety? I would do that within a second for you”.
He felt more than saw his childe’s smile.
“Hey, Jazz?”
“Hmmm?”
“I won’t leave the south again, not without you.”
And Jasper, too, smiled, knowing it was true.
“Do you ever think about leaving?” Harry asked him quietly as Jasper once again withheld a sigh from the newborns he was training.
“Frequently”, Jasper murmured back, barely hearing his own voice. “Are you?”
Harry shrugged, a half answer that Jasper generally took to mean Harry was downplaying his own opinions. “It’s just so loud here, isn’t it? And bright. And newborns hardly smell good. ” Jasper didn’t mention that Harry had one of the best scents Jasper had ever smelled. No, because that would be weird and creepy. Although….
“It took you nearly forty years to mention that your senses have been bothering you?!” He hissed, aware of the other vampires in their vicinity. Harry’s emotions turned sheepish .
“Er… maybe?”
Jasper diverted his focus from the newborns, giving Harry his complete attention. “Harry. Look me in the eye.” Harry drew his darkening green eyes up to Jasper's deepening red ones. “Why didn’t you say something? ”
“It wouldn’t have mattered,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to complain…”
“Harry, childe, you are not complaining, understood? And if something- something like being in a big group of rambunctious and pungent newborns on a bright day - is bothering you, I would prefer you tell me, if you ca,n, he said pointedly, careful to say ‘I want you to tell me’ rather than ‘if you want you can tell me’.
Harry, on par for Jasper’s teenager , rolled his eyes. “You’re too serious, Jazz. I’m fine.”
Jasper pursed his lips, both wanting to talk to Harry and knowing he had to attend to the newborns.
“We’ll be finished in about an hour,” he decided, thinking quickly. “Right now I would like you to go to the river, I’ll meet you there when I’m done.”
Harry huffed. “I said I’m fine.”
Jasper nodded. “I know. And I said I would like to meet with you later.”
“Is that an order?” Harry asked, and Jasper grimaced. He knew Harry would do anything he asked if he distinctly ordered him to, something Jasper thought absurd and refused to do.
“No. It is a request.”
Harry scrunched his nose up and Jasper withheld a smile, reminding himself that now was not the time. “Fine. I’ll see you then.”
He sighed as Harry left, knowing that Harry could probably still hear him. He truly despised parenting sometimes.
When Jasper got to the river, already wishing that vampires could just take a break from excising and simply sleep , Harry’s scent littered the area, though he was nowhere in sight. Jasper and Harry had had disagreements before- it was impossible not to with the amount of time they spent around each other- he knew that Harry could be a bit moody at times.
“Harry, love?” He called quietly. Jasper felt as Harry’s annoyed emotions switched to those of recognition , though he was still irritated .
“Darlin’, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
A pause. Then-
“No, you just wish I wasn’t so much of a disappointment, don’t you?” Harry’s voice, surprisingly, came from the water.
“Nobody said you were a disappointment.”
“I did. Are you calling me a nobody?”
Jasper closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, breathing slowly. After a moment, he opened his eyes again, hoping his voice wouldn’t betray his forced calm.
“Apologies, I was unaware that you thought that way.”
“It’s true though, isn’t it? You wish that I wasn’t so much of a freak- that I was like a normal day walker who had thirst and who wasn’t able to cry or sleep, right? You wish that I couldn’t hear everything you said no matter how quietly you say it or have scars carved out on my wrists to match how freakish I am on the inside,” Harry ranted. Jasper stayed still, debating his next words. Though, he hadn’t known that Harry could cry, an action that made him slightly jealous.
“I don’t consider you a freak, Harry. You’re a marvel. Remember, that woman called you an angel?” His words were gentle, but he was breaking on the inside, feeling his own crushing weight of concern and pain at Harry’s words.
It was winter again, the air chilly enough that the humans who lived in the small town had to bundle up tight to escape the freeze. To Harry and Jasper, however, the only change was the icy scent to the air.
Even after all the years, they didn’t break their tradition. When the humans started going out and caroling, in high enough spirits that Jasper felt like openly smiling, Harry and him once again bundled into jackets and went out with the crowds.
It was an experience they both, miraculously, enjoyed, despite how much Harry would deny it. Jasper could ignore the burn in his throat enough to stay out at night and feel the pure euphoria coming from the humans, could pretend for just the night that these weren’t the same humans that he would kill in cold blood any other day. And, despite the crowds that Harry usually avoided the way Jasper tried to avoid Maria, Jasper could sense his contentment . Plus, Jasper thought he looked rather adorable all bundled up in a winter coat.
That particular night when they went out, just as jubilant as all the others, they were stopped by a rather awed woman.
“Are you angels?” She asked, her voice light- a whisper.
Harry gave Jasper a quizzical look. He shook his head. “No ma’am.”
She turned her head from Jasper to Harry, then back to Jasper, her awe turning into confusion. “I’ve seen you out caroling every year since I was a little girl. You never age, never appear in town except for this time of year. If you’re not angels, what are you?”
Jasper didn’t say vampires, didn’t say how they were vile monsters slaughtering her neighbors at all different times of the year, he failed to mention to her that she got it all wrong and they were anything but.
“We’re only carolers, ma’am,” he said softly.
She frowned, but didn’t refute. “One more song then, please. In case I don’t see you again.”
So they sang, and as they did so Jasper couldn’t help but realize how much his Harry did sound like an angel.
Harry made a quiet sound, neither an agreement or denial. Jasper frowned.
“Do you trust me?”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t”
He shook his head, though he was uncertain if Harry could see him from his position.
“Not do you think I’m easy enough to protect yourself from if you needed to, but do you feel comfortable around me?”
The silence stretched on, Jasper wondering if Harry was going to answer him. He stood perfectly still, waiting. The sun had long set and started to rise before he got an answer. Jasper knew Maria would want him to report to her soon, but he didn’t care, Harry was his priority.
“I’ve never trusted anyone. Or, nearly anyone,” he corrected with longing and nostalgia. “I can’t.” His voice was soft. Jasper waited.
“I can’t say I fully trust you,” he murmured at last. “I won’t lie,” bitterness . “But I’ve told you my past, haven’t I? I’ve gotten drunk and blacked out on you before, that’s a sign enough that I felt safe”.
Jasper considered it. Would he tell someone he didn’t trust his past? Maybe, everyone already knew it anyway. Would he willingly be unconscious around someone he didn’t trust? Probably not.
“I don’t know if it’s because I think that I can protect myself from you or if it’s because you make me feel comfortable, though. You know?”
Jasper did, actually. Part of the reason he stayed around Maria was because he knew he could beat her, physically, if not mentally.
“But I want to trust you. I want to trust you so badly, but I don’t know if I can.” His voice broke and Jasper felt his crushing sadness mix with embarrassment . He softened, wishing he could have given Harry more, something better than the pathetic existence Jasper forced on him.
He didn’t know what to say, how to act. Jasper was never one for social situations, despite his high ranking and charismatic charm. He pushed his love and devotion onto Harry, unwilling to change his emotions or vocalize his love, but wanting his Harry to know it was there.
“Is that why you didn’t tell me?”
He sensed Harry shaking his head. “I didn’t tell you because you couldn’t do anything about it. You have to deal with all the senses and everybody’s emotions everyday. It’s not like I can’t handle it.”
He shook his head. “I could have tried to help, if I was aware of it. That’s different, though,” he thought aloud.
“How’s it different?” Harry asked, and Jasper pretended it wasn’t weird to have a conversation with someone whom he could smell and feel but not see.
He withheld a sigh, glad that Harry was still talking to him at all- when Jasper was fourteen and in a mood while his Ma or Dally were trying to talk to him, he would stay stony or walk away (granted, Harry wasn’t fourteen anymore, even if he had stopped aging- thanks to Jasper, of course).
“Emotions are… different than senses. I’ve taught myself to focus all my attention on one certain emotion, in a way, to wrap myself in it and focus less on the others,” it didn’t work half the time, but that was irrelevant, “I suppose you could do this with senses, too- scent, for example.” Harry’s honeycomb, lavender woodsy scent came to his mind. “I’ve had a much longer time to practice this than you.”
Harry hummed. “Is that why you’re always smelling me?” He asked, a hint of amusement in his tone. If Jasper were human he would be blushing.
“We could leave,” he offered, quickly changing the subject and bringing them back to the original point of discussion. He was not always smelling Harry . Harry just had a unique scent that was able to calm Jasper’s thirst rather easily.
“Could we though?” He thought he heard Harry murmur, though given how quiet his voice was Jasper couldn’t be sure.
“You’ve done it before,” he pointed out. In the four decades Harry had been with him, Harry had left a few times since the first time he did, never without informing Jasper, and never more than a day or two. Still, he’d done it. “We could,” he repeated. Harry didn’t feel convinced.
“Could you ?” he asked. “You’ve been here for the last seventy-six years and haven’t even attempted leaving-” it was seventy five, but Jasper wasn’t about to correct him, not now “-You’re not someone who leaves, Jazz. No offense.”
“I left for the war,” he pointed out, glad that for the most part Harry wasn’t upset anymore.
“You barely even left,” Harry scoffed quietly, though there was no malice in his voice, even if Jasper could detect some bitterness . “It’s only 573 kilometers from here to Houston- we could run there in less than three hours.”
Jasper grimaced, not sure what Harry was trying to prove. He knew England was over five thousand miles away, though he had no idea if that was what Harry meant. Although… “and 573 kilometers is…?”
“356 miles, Jefe ,” Jasper could hear the eye roll in his voice.
“ Jefe ,” he repeated to himself. “Where’d you hear that one, darlin’?”
“Around,” Harry said with the vagueness that Jasper had grown accustomed to. “So, what? We just leave?” He asked after a moment, indifferent .
Jasper hummed. “I reckon we only have so much time here anyway,” he drawled, as nonchalant as Harry was. “Maria’s been rather… tense, lately. Untrusting.” He wouldn’t mention Maria’s maliciously towards him that he was starting to sense, resembling the emotions that alerted Jasper to Nettie and Lucy’s change in alliance.
He knew Maria was already slowly plotting against him, if not Harry as well. She was undoubtedly talking to some of the newborns about offering them his position in exchange for help killing him. He, likewise, had been taking small steps with some of the newborns, though nothing definite. Harry snorted after a moment.
“What are you hiding, Jazz?”
Jasper raised a brow. Harry could be a bit… dramatic when it came to Maria, he’d rather not mention it to his childe, even if he would figure it out eventually. “ Where are you hiding?” He countered. For a fraction of a second Jasper felt Harry’s annoyance and surprise , then it was gone as quick as it had come.
Suddenly, Jasper could see his Harry, sitting in the middle of the water, his dark hair wet and making his face appear even younger than it already was. His indifferent face didn’t match his hurt emotions.
“You weren’t going to tell me that Maria was transpiring against us?” If Jasper were anyone else he wouldn’t have seen the disappointment and hurt in Harry’s eyes, but he did.
“There was no reason to worry you,” he countered, a truth even with his newfound Harry-caused guilt.
“I’m not worried,” his Harry said with enough confidence that Jasper knew it was true. Harry was arrogant enough that Jasper knew he rarely worried, though he supposed he had earned it.
He grimaced, opening his mouth to speak, when Harry cut him off. “Maria’s wondering where you are.”
Jasper sighed, keeping his eyes on Harry. When Harry didn’t say anything, Jasper sent a glance at his childe, a silent question that Harry understood instantly.
“You’re the sire,” he said with a shrug. Jasper translated that in his head to be ‘I don’t know, you decide’.
Sometimes he really wished he didn’t have to make all the decisions in his much too long existence.
He sat watching the sunset that night with his legs dangling over the side of the building, Harry beside him. He knew they didn’t have much time left in the south, something that admittedly made him quite melancholy, though he couldn’t fathom why. Maybe Harry was right and Jasper really was terrible at leaving places. Either way, he could feel the foreboding in the air as the days stretched on.
It was fine, he could find something else to do with his existence than something he had never wanted to do in the first place. Find Peter, maybe, discover fun again. It didn’t matter to him, as long as he got to spend the time with his Harry.
After all, even if their relationship was a strange one, forged from past trauma and bloodshed, it was still the best kind of friendship Jasper had ever had, and he knew he would always cherish it with everything he had.
With Harry, he would be fine.
Together, they would be more than fine.