Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Do you, miss Cheese, take Santa Claus to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Simon "Ghost" Riley, from the hit game Call Of Duty Modern Warfare III, said to future mrs Claus as he was their wedding officiator.
"I do," she said with a smile, her teeth weren't nearly as white as her dress. Maybe because they were green.
"And do you, Mr Claus, take Miss Cheese to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Ghost spoke as he turned to face Santa in his dashing backless suit complete with a shiny purple bowtie. "I-" what he was cut off as the door of the Elvis Presley themed amusement Park wedding hall flew open, knocking ninja mime out in his seat. Santa turned over to see angel Gabriel and. . . "God?"
"Who the frik are you, punk?" Mrs Cheese raspy smoker voice she obtained from 68 years of meth and nicotine.
"That's my-" Santa started,
"Future husband! I object to this wedding!" God chimed in, strutting down the aisle in his 12 inch thigh boots and matching cape which flailed behind him dramatically. God fell down gracefully as Gabriel accidentally stood on the back of it causing God severe whiplash. "Suck flaps," God whispered to Angel Gabriel and Angel Gabriel crawled behind him aesthetically. The bridesmaids, König, Keegan, Soap McTavish, Horrid Henry and Humpty Dumpty, and the groomsmen, Nicki Minaj, the farmer*, Bob the minion - with his bear taped to his head-, Lord Liu Kang and the "grandma squishing" furry all gasped comically.

"Uh oh, major dilf incoming," Johnny Cage, mk9 version, whispered before being swapped behind the head with Captain Price's gun.
"G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-God..." Santa stuttered cutely, biting his lip and tucking his hair behind his ear.

"Kitten, come back to me," God said, his voice booming. Santa obliged eagerly, gripping the back of his visible, lace thong, and magically floating through thr air in the direction of his God.

"So.................................................................................................................................................................. Santa? Will you leave this place to marry me instead?" God asked, playing eith the band of Santa's lace thong
"Erm..." Santa said, looking over the crowd - Springtrap, Takahashi Takeda, Peter pan, Tom Holland's Spiderman, Captain America, Nightwing and more.
"I...uhh...I..." Santa stuttered nervously, twiddling his toes.

Santa took God's hand, lacing their fingers together. He smiled softly and nodded. God wrapped his arms around Santa's neck and pressed their bodies together, leaning in for a kiss.
"YOU WHOR-" ms cheese started, cutting off their moment, but the song 'Rein Raus' started playing in the background as an irl version of those König edits or whtvr began as König thwacked ms cheese in the head with his gun, kicked her and stood above her, pointing the gun at her face.
"Sexy," Humpty dumpty whispered.
Santa and God continued making out while looking into eachother's eyes seductively.
"Wanna ditch this shitshow and skedaddle back to mine?" God asked
"Let's go, daddy," Santa said as they hopped back to God's heavenly mansion.

Chapter Text

Ok, here's a second warning. Leave now if you dont trust me.

Jesus' hands gripped into Judas' hair, pulling, tugging, grasping. They were desperate for each other. Their bodies were pressed together and their tongues explored each other's mouths. "Nyahh~ Judas~" Jesus moaned loudly as Judas pushed him down onto the sofabed. Jesus squirmed happily under Judas and moaned softly as Judas kissed his neck and collarbone passionately. Jesus stroked his hand down Judas' neck and down his spine. Judas grasped Jesus' buttock and munched on his neck. He kissed down Jesus' chest and stomach all the way to his midriff. "God, baby" Jesus moaned. Judas moved back up to his face and kissed his jaw and cheek "isn't that your dad, and technically you?" He asked. "Don't look that deep into it," Jesus said "I'm gonna go deep in you," Judas said making Jesus moan a couple more times. Judas swiftly flipped Jesus onto his front and Jesus lifted his ass up. Judas grabbed Jesus' hips and put his face to his ass, plunging his tongue deep into Jesus' hole. Jesus moaned and put his face into a pillow to quieten his noises. Judas twisted and twirled his tongue against the hole walls, sucking and slurping. Jesus groaned pleasuredly and put his arms around the pillow. His breath became heavy and his body began to spasm slightly. "Judas, guhh..." Jesus said between moans, "I'm gonna..."
Judas gave one more lap and pulled his tongue out. He sat on the sofabed next to Jesus. "Baby," Jesus whined, turning back around and facing Judas, "why did you stop?" He asked hiding his face in the pillow. "Beg," Judas said simply. "What?" Jesus exclaimed, lifting his face from the pillow, his voice laced with confussion and slight annoyance at not being allowed to finish. "You heard. Beg." Judas demanded grufly.
"But-ahh" Jesus was cut off as Judas' grip on his hips tightened considerably. "Beg." Judas said again, his lips inches away from Jesus'. Jesus' lips were parted and he looked at Judas', letting out a soft whimper. "...p-please?" " More." Judas demanded. "P-Please fuck me d-daddy," Jesus cried out, squeezing Judas' shoulders pleadingly. Judas smirked and kissed Jesus' neck. Judas stood up and Jesus covered himself with the covers slightly "baby?" He asked as Judas walked off. Jesus sighed and flopped back onto the bed, however, Judas returned after a few moments and clambered back on top of Jesus and removed the covers between them. He placed a passionate kiss on Jesus' lips. Jesus moved his hands to Judas' hair and Judas grabbed his hand, using God's fluffy, pink, sparkly, aesthetic, cute, hello kitty themed handcuffs to tie his wrists together. Jesus bit his lip and moaned lightly as Judas smirked at him. Judas pushed Jesus' thighs up and shoved his 9 inch bratwürst into Jesus' wet, squirming, bubble-gum pink anus hole. Jesus scrunched up his face in pain and pleasure and his back arched cutely. He struggled to free his hands and grunted as Judas began moving. "Nyah~ fuck me harder!" Jesus exclaimed. Judas pumped into Jesus' badussy, groaning in excitement and pleasure. Jesus exclaimed pleasuredly and moved his hips with Judas' thrusts. Judas grunted and increased his speed happily. "J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-
J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-Judas 🥺🥺...i-i'm almost..." Jesus started before ejecting his milky, moist, sticky, slightly glowing cum all over Judas' chest. Judas looked down at his chest, moaned slightly and chuckled. He cradled Jesus' body and kissed his neck while pumping harder. Judas pulled out of Jesus, making Jesus let out a quiet moan. Judas threw Jesus off of the sofabed and he sat on the edge. Judas grabbed Jesus by his hair and Jesus smiled up at him. Jesus, with his cuffed hands, reached up and began stroking Judas' shlongalong , gripping it tightly and making Judas breathe heavily. Jesus moved his hand down and licked Judas' tip before engulfing his special premium straight from the womb natural dildo. He moaned and sucked, moving his head up and down, as Judas grasped his long, brunette curls. "Yeah...yeah...that's it," Judas said with a pleasured sigh. Jesus sucked and moaned lightly as he pushed his head down further, letting Judas' milk-ejecting crayon slither down his throat. He choked slightly, but didn't give in. He kept sucking like it was the only thing that would keep him alive. Judas groaned and Jesus pulled his mouth off of his wet weiner and began licking the side and tip. "Gyahh," Judas groaned, leaning his head back slightly and gripping Jesus' hair harder, almost pulling it out. Jesus kept licking, slurping and sucking. "Yeah, you're so good. So good..." Judas sighed loosening his grip of Jesus' hair. Jesus began sucking Judas' railing cross again. Judas gripped Jesus' hair and began to breathe heavily, and Jesus knew what he was gonna do soon, so he sucked harder. "Fuck yeah," Judas sighed, a smile on his open mouth. His body relaxed as he came in Jesus' mouth. Jesus smiled, pulled his mouth away and swallowed. He put his thumb to his mouth and wiped away anything that didn't get into his mouth. He stood up and pushed Judas back onto the bed. Judas took the handcuffs and took them off Jesus, throwing them to a different part of the bed. Jesus smiled at his free wrists and wrapped one arm around his neck and the other on his moob, rubbing in his cum from earlier. Jesus kissed Judas playfully and squeezed his moob. Judas moaned and breathed heavily through his nose as he kissed Jesus. Judas grabbed Jesus' ass and Jesus wrapped his arms around Judas' neck. He kissed the tip of his nose playfully and smirked. Judas wriggled up the bed and sat up, Jesus with his legs wrapped around Judas' waist. They kissed slowly a few more times before Judas grabbed Jesus' waist and lifted him up onto his Cockerlacken. Jesus leaned his head back and let out a throaty moan. He ran his hands down Judas' neck and collarbone, resting them on his upper arms. Judas held Jesus under his thighs and pumped him up and down. Jesus put his head against against Judas' shoulder, moaning softly as he bit his lip. Judas buried his face into Jesus' neck and kissed it passionately, leaving little red marks on the side of his neck. Judas pushed Jesus up and down and kissed him again before pulling out and setting Jesus to his side. Jesus lay back, panting, and looked at Judas who was standing up again and skedaddling off. Judas walked back like an asparagus with something in his hand. "Is that..?" Jesus asked excitedly, sitting up slightly. Judas played with the tails of the toy and smirked as Jesus turned onto his front at sight of the flogger. "You've been a good boy," Judas said, slowly walking over towards Jesus and placing his hands on his waist, "so, are you ready to be rewarded?" Judas asked making Jesus squirm with excitement and nod his head enthusiastically. Suddenly, CBAT began playing on the Alexa and Judas began flogging Jesus' ass to the beat. "Yeah, thats, guhh-good," Jesus said and whimpered softly at each flog. Judas moved his hits from Jesus' ass to his back at shoulders, making Jesus shudder in pleasure. Jesus started whimpering uncontrollably, his back arching and his body shaking. Judas put the flogger down and lay down next to him, kissing his back and neck softly and slowly. Jesus sighed calmly and Judas began to massage his back slightly with one hand. Jesus turned his head around and kissed Judas softly on the lips. He then moved his hands to Judas' hair, running it through his dreads and gripping them lightly. Judas kissed him back with a smile wrapping his arms around his waist. They stayed like that for a while, making out sweetly before going under the covers and spooning eachother to sleep. (Judas is the little spoon fyi)
After being asleep for a while, God and Santa returned to God's house, their hands gripping eachother as they made out and stumbled into the house. They walked towards the livingroom, but saw a naked Jesus and his 'best friend' Judas under the sheets together. God was shocked. He knew Jesus was gay, but sleeping with Judas? God shrugged and ran with Santa up the stairs.