Chapter 1: ur not my mom
Notes:
I know I should work on my main fic but this was just too fun to write and not let y'all see !!
I have a pretty vague (VAGUE AS HELL) idea for where I want this story to go, and if it continues on path, it'll end up being relatively reddie-centric. That being said, it might be so bad or go so off the rails, and just akjsd;l
idk
for anyone who has read six (seven) different ways inside my heart by curly_fangirly and pottersxredheads you'll notice a bit of inspiration :) I tried my very very best not to downright steal their stuff, and I think I did a pretty good job, but if you notice similarities just know I give credits to them for the OG story, and that I love their work!!
anyways, I hope you enjoy what I have for you!! It isn't much, it isn't great, but I hope you'll end up liking it :D
Happy reading <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
little bitches
Richie, Bev, Stan
12:46PM
trash: holy shit
trash: holy shit
trash: holy shti
trash: …
trash: guys i said holy shit
rubbish: No, Richie, you said “holy shti.”
trash: :(
trash: befre that
rubbish: “befre”
trash: STUF STANLEY
trash: IM TRYNA TALK
rubbish: Okay Richie, I will “STUF.”
trash: i hate u
garbage: what do u need rich?
garbage: my phone wont shut up bec of u
trash: my bad
trash: didnt relaize that my life wasnt important enough to share but wtv
trash: live wo knowing ig
garbage: wait no rich
garbage: come back
garbage: we’re sorry
rubbish: I’m not.
garbage: im sorry***
trash: no no no
trash: im blowing up ur phone to much
rubbish: too*
trash: stan idgfa
rubbish: Idgaf*
trash (Richard Tozier) has left this chat.
garbage (Beverly Marsh) has added (1) person to this chat!
Richard Tozier: NOOO
rubbish: No. Leave him.
Richard Tozier: :((
Richard Tozier: now we dont match :(((((
rubbish: What?
Richard Tozier: our names
Richard Tozier: our names dont macth nemore
rubbish has changed (his) name to Stanley Uris!
Stanley Uris has changed garbage’s name to Beverly Marsh!
Stanley Uris: Now we match.
Beverly Marsh: EWW STAN STOP
Beverly Marsh: thAT’S TOO FAR
Beverly Marsh: PUT IT BACK
Beverly Marsh has changed (her) name to bev!
bev has changed Richard Tozier’s name to richie!
Stanley Uris has changed richie’s name to Richard Tozier!
bev has changed Stanley Uris’s name to stan!
bev: STAN WHY
stan has changed bev’s name to Beverly Marsh!
Beverly Marsh: PLEASE STAN
stan has changed (his) name to Stanley Uris!
Richard Tozier: :(
Beverly Marsh: :((
Raven > Red
Richie > Bev
12:58PM
Raven: so u wanna hear what i had to say
Raven: or nah
1:36PM
Raven: Bevvieeeeee
Raven: bevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Raven: v
Raven: vv
Raven: vv
Raven: v
Raven: :(
2:41PM
Raven: alr this is to far
Red: too*
Raven: BITCH
Raven: NOW U ANSWER?????
Raven: U SOUND LIKE STAN
Red: I WAS IN CLASS
Raven: :((
Raven: didnt even ask what i had 2 say
Red: ur literally so dramatic
Red: what happened tho im hooked
Raven: putting it in the gc
Raven: maybe stans out of his mood
Raven: off his period
Red: OMG RICH AS:LDAS
Raven: its trueeeeeee
Red: it issssssss lmao
little bitches
Richie, Bev, Stan
2:43PM
Richard Tozier: holy shit
Stanley Uris: Again?
Richard Tozier: same thing
Beverly Marsh: u were mean last time
Stanley Uris: I was honest.
Richard Tozier has changed (his) name to akljsdlas!
akljsdlas has changed Beverly Marsh’s name to kblefvh!
akljsdlas has changed Stanley Uris’s name to hoeasjdj!
kblefvh: NO WAIT THAT’S SO CONFUSING WHAT
hoeasjdj: Richie, why does my name start with “ho?”
hoeasjdj: This is terrible.
akljsdlas: WHAT WHY
hoeasjdj has changed (his) name to Stanley Uris!
kblefvh: that’s bad too
kblefvh has changed Stanley Uris’s name to Stan!
kblefvh has changed (her) name to bev!
bev has changed akljsdlas’s name to richie!
Stan: Fine.
richie: can we talk abt my thing now
Stan: Fine.
richie: OK SO
richie: im in clsas right
richie: and this guy walks in nd like
richie: and walks ou t
richie: …
bev: richie what
bev: bro is that it???
Stan: Riveting.
richie: NO U DONT GET IT
Bev: wE DONT
richie: NO LISTEN
richie: HE WAS CUTE
bev: OOO YES YES YES
Stan: Did you talk to him?
bev: YSE YES
richie: NO BUT
bev: nvm ur literally the worst wth rifchie
richie: HE WSA LIKE
richie: I THINK
richie: rifchie is crazy
richie: BUT I THINK
bev: FU
richie: I THINK HES MOVING TO THE SCHOL THO LIKE I THINK
richie: LIKE HES SWITHCING MAJORS
richie: 2 MINE
bev: the typos are crazy
richie: FU
bev: is he gonna be in ur class now then?
richie: IDK BYUT I HOPE SO KJADLKJAS
bev: ASJOHDLASDK
Stan: I need to see a picture.
bev: O? Stan wants to see hot men????
richie: thats prettu gay
Stan: I don’t want to see hot men, I just don’t trust Richie’s taste.
richie: HET
bev: is ur taste in men better stan???
richie: HET*
Stan: No. I don’t have a taste in men.
richie: HET**
richie: HEY***
richie: HOLY FUCK
bev: richie is in his own world
Stan: But I can tell when someone is ugly.
richie: HEY
richie: i dont have a pic tho
richie: sorry stanny boy but ur gonna have 2 turst me
richie: ik u wanted to see a hot guy
Stan: I disown you.
richie: ooh disown me daddy~
bev: NUH UH GO TF AWAY
bev: BYE RICH
Stan: I fuking hate you.
richie: haha
richie: fuk
richie: haha
New Group
??? > ???
3:36PM
Richard Tozier has changed (his) name to richie!
richie (Richard Tozier) has added (2) people to this chat!
Beverly Marsh: ?
Stanley Uris: Richie, we already have a groupchat.
richie: ik ik ik ik
richie: i want yall to meet someone tho
richie: liek as a group
richie: but we need out gc still so
richie: our*
richie: yk?
Stanley Uris: Is this person as annoying as you? Because I don’t think I can physically handle that.
richie: physically?
richie: dw well go eaasy on u
richie: first threeway is alwasy the hardest
Stanley Uris: You’re disgusting.
Beverly Marsh: omg sorry I disappeared
Beverly Marsh: Id love to meet them richie :)
Beverly Marsh: also beep beep
Beverly Marsh: also LJASD:LKJASD
Beverly Marsh: also agreed stan
Beverly Marsh: one more trashmouth would be hell on earth
richie: ya ya
richie: love yall to
richie: too*
Stanley Uris: Impressive, he learns! Love you, Richie.
Beverly Marsh: <3
richie: <3 :’’’)
richie (Richard Tozier) has added (1) person to this chat!
Benjamin Hanscom: hi guys!
Benjamin Hanscom: Richie’s told me so much about you :D
Beverly Marsh: :0
Beverly Marsh: hiiii!
Stanley Uris: Hi!
richie has changed Benjamin Hanscom’s name to benny boo!
benny boo: Oh
Beverly Marsh: asodjlk is that descendants???
richie: literally what else
richie: ;)
richie has changed Beverly Marsh’s name to greater value ariel!
greater value ariel: it’s so long asjdhlak
richie: THATS WHAT SHE SAID
greater value ariel: NOOOOOOOOO
benny boo: lololol
Stanley Uris: Her hair isn’t that red, either.
greater value ariel: :((((((((((((
greater value ariel: i mean
greater value ariel: it’s not
richie has changed greater value ariel’s name to bitchy ariel!
bitchy ariel: but like
bitchy ariel: OMG RUDE
benny boo: LOL NO RICHIE NO
bitchy ariel: but true enough ig
Stanley Uris: Richard.
Richie: yes daddy?
bitchy ariel: NOT AGAIN
benny boo: again???
Stanley Uris: Do not, under any circumstances, change my name.
richie: hmmm
richie: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
benny boo: oh god
bitchy ariel: welcome to hell benjamin
richie has changed Stanley Uris’s name to staniel daniel!
benny boo: oh you can just call me ben! :)
benny boo: oop
richie: im good actually stan
richie: ill change ur name whenevr i want
staniel daniel: I hate you.
richie: but you just said you love me
staniel daniel: I take it back.
benny boo: oh my
bitchy ariel: welcome to hell ben
Red > Raven
Bev > Richie
4:12PM
Red: do u have a pic of ben???
Raven: [Richie holding Ben’s cheek and holding his head close, tongue out, just a hair away from actually touching. Richie is intent on trying to lick him, and Ben is smiling at the camera while trying to back away.jpeg.file. ]
Red: wtf rich lmfaoskhjd;a
Red (Beverly Marsh) has saved (1) image!
Raven: wiat why do u want it
Red: tyyyyyy
Raven: WATI NO FUCK
Raven: BITH TELL ME
Raven: BICTH
Raven: BITCH
Raven: WHATVER
Raven: if u dont TLEL me ill ass ume the wrost nd TLEL stan to
Raven: too*
Red: that’s rlly what u choose to fix in that sentence?
Raven: u knwo my autocorrect s ducked up
Raven: DUCKED*
Raven: FUCKED**
Raven: LITERALLY JS LET ME SWAER
Red: AHHAHAHALSJKDAS
Red: “i’m so ducking mad rn grrr”
Red: LMFAOAOA
Raven: I WSA TYEPING FAST FU K OFF
Raven: why did u need a pic of bne
Red: ur strugglingggg today rich
Red: it was nothing
Raven: i literaly dont beileve u
Red: literally why not
Raven: TLEL me
Raven: TLEL*
Raven: tell**
Red: it’s literally nothing
Raven: nuh uh
Red: mhm
little bitches
Richie, Bev, Stan
4:16PM
richie: BEV TIHNKS BEN IS TO
richie: HOT
bev: NO STOPA SDJ:
bev: STAN I DON’T
Stan: You met him half an hour ago and you haven’t seen him, Bev.
richie: SHE SWA A PIC NAD SHE TOUGHT HE WSA SO HTOTTTTTTT
Stan: Bev…
bev: RICHIE I HATE U
Stan: I second that.
richie, staniel daniel, bitchy ariel, benny boo
richie, stan, bev, ben
4:17PM
richie has changed bitchy ariel’s name to en lover!
richie has changed en lover’s name to ben lover!
benny boo: woah
ben lover: IGNORE HIM
ben lover: PLS O BEG
ben lover: I*
richie: shes in loveeeee w u haystack
benny boo: :0
ben lover has changed (her) name to bev!
richie: NO
richie has changed bev’s name to ben lover!
ben lover: STOP STOP STop
benny boo: lolol
ben lover has changed (her) name to beverly hills!
beverly hills: better?
richie: thats literaly so unfunny
staniel daniel: literally*
beverly hills: FU RICH
richie: literaly stfu stna
richie: and bevvie too
staniel daniel: literally*
richie: literaly*
beverly hills has changed (her) name to molly ringwald!
richie: thats LITERALY so unfunnt
molly ringwald: it’s literally ur joke???????
richie: omg theft??????????????????
molly ringwald: omg kys????????????????????????
richie: wow
benny boo: LOLL
molly ringwald has changed (her) name to i hate richie
richie: dude wtf
i hate richie: at this point just fucking name me urself
richie: wath me
richie: wacth*
richie: watch**
benny boo: are you okay??
i hate richie: DEAD AIJSDL
richie has changed i hate richie’s name to u must be a weasley!
u must be a weasley: NO
staniel daniel has changed u must be a weasley’s name to Bev!
Bev: thANK YOU STAN!!!
Bev: <3
staniel daniel: Can I change mine now?
richie: fukc no
richie has changed bev’s name to beaverly!
beaverly: NAH STOPW
richie has changed beaverly’s name to bevvy wevvy!
bevvy wevvy: i fucking hate u
benny boy: LOLOL
bevvy wevvy: it’s only fair
benny boy: o
staniel daniel: What? What is only fair?
bevvy wevvy: omg be patient
bevvy wevvy: holy balls
richie: hell ya
bevvy wevvy has changed richie’s name to trashmouth!
trashmouth: HELL NO
staniel daniel: It’s perfect.
benny boy: LOLOL it is!
trashmouth has changed (his) name to richie!
bevvy wevvy has changed richie’s name to trashmouth!
trashmouth has changed (his) name to richie!
bevvy wevvy has changed richie’s name to trashmouth!
trashmouth has changed (his) name to richie!
bevvy wevvy: FUCKING STOP
bevvy wevvy has changed richie’s name to trashmouth!
bevvy wevvy: if i can be bevvy fucking wevvy then u can be trashmouth
trashmouth, staniel daniel, bevvy wevvy, benny boo
richie, stan, bev, ben
5:16PM
trashmouth has changed (his) name to richie!
richie, staniel daniel, bevvy wevvy, benny boo
richie, stan, bev, ben
6:32PM
bevvy wevvy: NUH UH
bevvy wevvy has changed richie’s name to trashmouth!
trashmouth: :(
benny boo: :DDDD
staniel daniel: Welcome, Trashmouth Tozier.
trashmouth: :’’’’’’(
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has renamed this chat to richie hate club!
staniel daniel: Fitting, but use your capital letters.
trashmouth: NO IT WSA A JKOE
staniel daniel (Stanley Uris) has renamed this chat to Richie Hate Club!
Richie Hate Club
richie, stan, bev, ben
8:04PM
trashmouth: pffffft
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has renamed this chat to richie hate club!
trashmouth: ur not my mom
Notes:
WOAH! Crazy, right? What do we think???
I really like it
[Again, idea creds ENTIRELY to the creators of six (seven) different ways inside my heart (phenomenal story by the way)]
I have another fic to wrap up still, but I think I might shift my focus to this one once i'm done!
that's all from me, though. Any comments or kudos really do mean so much to me and inspire me to keep writing, but they aren't necessary if you don't want!!! But thank you so so much for reading!! <3
Chapter 2: INVITE ME OVE RSIR
Summary:
they're literally already in love stop
Notes:
AH I have other things I need to work on (like cleaning?) like my main fic butttttt that can wait ig because this is actually so fun to write ALKSJD: I hope it's fun to read !!!
I can't make any promises, but I'll probably end up continuing this one so yay!
Anyways, that's all from me :) Happy reading <333
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Stanley > Bev
Stan > Bev
6:16PM
Stanley: Do you still have the Unit 3 textbook from when you had Ms. Ridenour last year?
Bev: yeah!
Bev: if you swing over by my dorm I can get it to you
Stanley: Thank you, Bev.
Bev: yeah ofc
Bev: sidenote
Stanley: Oh no.
Bev: askdj rude
Bev: so i don’t like Ben
Stanley: Thanks for letting me know?
Bev: but i was looking at his ig
Stanley: Bev…
Bev: O KIT’S NOT BAD ASJDLASD
Bev: THAT BAD AT LEAST
Stanley: Believable. Bev, just talk to him!
Bev: ugh no ew gross
Bev: i’ll keep stalking it’ll be fine
Bev: promise
Stanley: *eye roll*
Bev: JUST USE A DAMN EMOTICON
Stanley: "Ugh. Ew. No. Gross." I’ll keep typing; it’ll be fine.
Bev: YOU USE THE HEART???
Stanley: Ew.
Bev: literally wtv tf
Bev: but there was this guy on his page
Stanley: Oh, a twist?
Bev: and ik that you’re straight or wtv
Bev: BUT BUT
Stanley: Bev, not this again.
Bev: STANLEY URIS.
Stanley: BEVERLY MARSH.
Bev: IK IT’S FAR FETCHED FOR NOW BUT
Bev: YOUR IN DENIAL
Bev: I honestly, as serious as I can possibly be, am trying to be helpful.
Bev: See, I’m even using proper punctuation now! This way I can “get my point across clearly, and without confusion.”
Bev: That point being that you are very much gay.
Stanley: You’re* in denial.
Bev: STAN SJAD
Bev: fine it’s ok
Bev: sorry for trying to push it on you
Bev: genuinely
Bev: my dorm at 8?
Bev: i’ll get you the textb and gretta’s cooking dinner ?
Stanley: I’ll be there, and I’m bringing stuff from the bakery.
Bev: yay!
Bev: sounds good :)
Stanley: :)
Bev: emoticon!!!!! :D
Stanley: Don’t push it.
Stanley: … :D
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
4:03AM
trashmouth: BITHC
trashmouth: WOH DO U THINK U R NOT INTIIVING E
6:30AM
benny boo: Richie what on earth
benny boo: am I meant to correct your typos or?
8:43AM
staniel daniel: I will. Bitch* Who* You* Are* Inviting* Me*
bevvy wevvy: RICHIE 4 AM WTF
bevvy wevvy: what in the actual hell
9:30AM
trashmouth: BEN WAS TEXTING AT 630
benny boo: I had an early morning lecture
trashmouth: I DID TOO
trashmouth: I JUST GOT OUT OF ANOTER
trashmouth: UT IM NOT WKAING OP AT 630
benny boo: it’s a healthy time :(
staniel daniel: Then, Richie, what possessed you to be awake at 4:03am?
trashmouth: well ur mother and i were up all night
staniel daniel: I regret asking.
11:16AM
trashmouth: u guys never anewred my question
bevvy wevvy: i barely understood it tbf
bevvy wevvy: ik u called me a bitch tho
bevvy wevvy: so rude ig
bevvy wevvy: did that answer????
staniel daniel: He actually called you a bithc, which feels less antagonistic, if you ask me.
trashmouth: literaly kys
staniel daniel: literally*
trashmouth: literaly kys
benny boo: just let it happen
trashmouth: NOW THAT WERE ALL HEER
trashmouth: BEN
benny boo: what did I do?
staniel daniel: ‘Just let it happen’…
bevvy wevvy: STAN KSJLDA
trashmouth: DID TEY INVITE U TO THERE LITTLE DINNER TEXTB SAGA?
staniel daniel: Their*
trashmouth: fuckign die stanley
benny boo: No but I don’t mind !
benny boo: you guys just met me :)
benny boo: I’m happy to come if I’m welcome tho!!
marshland > David Bowie
Bev > Gretta
11:19AM
marshland: BOWIE
David Bowie: MARSH
marshland: OMG
David Bowie: OMG WHAT
marshland: OMG
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
11:20AM
trashmouth: THTA BICRH
staniel daniel: Wow.
trashmouth: wtv u totaley got it
benny boo: Richie please tell me you know how to spell totally
bevvy wevvy: DEAD
marshland > David Bowie
Bev > Gretta
11:20AM
David Bowie: i no longer gaf
David Bowie: bye
marshland: NO WAIT
marshland: gretta he’s so cute
David Bowie: oh god alreadu?
marshland: AHHHHHHHHHH
David Bowie: girl i cant deal w this rn
marshland: me eitherrrrrrrr
David Bowie: whatd he do?
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
11:20AM
staniel daniel: Who were you calling a bitch, though?
trashmouth: BVE
trashmouth: AND U
trashmouth: BOHT OF U SUCK
benny boo: what
trashmouth: ben
benny boo: what
trashmouth: u nd me tn
trashmouth: ur dorm
trashmouth: wo them
staniel daniel: Did you just invite yourself to Ben’s dorm?
trashmouth: i did
trashmouth: waht r u gonna do abt it?
trashmouth: urn ot invtied
staniel daniel: Do you know what proof-reading is?
benny boo: LOLOL
benny boo: Richie you can come over if you want to but my roommate is gonna be there
benny boo: he’s not bad he’s just a little grumpy
benny boo: he probably won’t like you that much tbh
staniel daniel: Hahahaha.
bevvy wevvy: DECEASED
trashmouth: WTF DUE
trashmouth: BRO WHT HELL
trashmouth: i see how it is
benny boo: wait noooo I didn’t mean it like that I swear!!!!!
trashmouth: no im tkaling to stan
David Bowie > marshland
Gretta > Bev
11:34AM
David Bowie: dude
David Bowie: stop dissapearing
David Bowie: wiat how do u spell hollup
marshland: SORRY I WAS TALKING TO HIM
marshland: GRET HES SO CUTE
marshland: OMG OMG OMG OMG
marshland: OMG OMAMGASLDKJALS:KDALSDJ
marshland: AND RICHIE IS GOING TO GO TO HIS DORM TN AND MEET HIS ROOMMATE LIKE
David Bowie: i pray 4 his roommate
marshland: INVITE ME OVE RSIR
marshland: PLEASE
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
11:36AM
staniel daniel: Why?
trashmouth: BECAUSE U PUT A FUKCING . ATFTER HAHAHHA
trashmouth: .
trashmouth: LIEK WTF IM SCARED WHTF
staniel daniel: It’s important to use proper grammar.
trashmouth: U
trashmouth: WRTE
trashmouth: “Hahahaha.”
trashmouth: R U ON UR DEAHTBED LIKE HO W OLD R U
benny boo: I can tell you're very passionate about this Richie
bevvy wevvy: ASDLASJD
trashmouth: U SHOULD BE TOo
benny boo: are you coming over thou?
trashmouth: YES
benny boo: ok before you do I’m obligated to ask if you have any issues with anyone named Bill?
trashmouth: YES
benny boo: ok that’s not good
trashmouth: jk
trashmouth: it flet funny in teh moment idk
staniel daniel: What?
benny boo: what?
trashmouth: everythings fine
benny boo: Welcome, everything is fine!
bevvy wevvy: OMG I LOVE THE GOOD LACE
bevvy wevvy: PLACE*
bevvy wevvy: WTF IS THE GOOD LACE
benny boo: LOL ME TOO!!
bevvy wevvy: OMG!!!!
marshland > David Bowie
Bev > Gretta
11:43AM
marshland: GRET
marshland: THIS IS NOT A DRILL
marshland: HE JUST REFERENCED TGP
David Bowie: OMG OMG OGM
David Bowie: I TAK IT BACK I HAVE TIME
David Bowie: THIS IS PROMISEING
David Bowie: MARAGE MATERIAL
marshland: how did u make it to college
David Bowie: FUUUUUUUUUUU
David Bowie: LEMEM SEE A PIC
marshland: [screenshot with lots of underlines and circles around Ben’s The Good Place reference.jpeg.file.]
David Bowie: ur SLOW
David Bowie: i ment like a real pic
David Bowie: but aslo beny boo??
David Bowie: BENNY BOO?????
marshland: richie named him
David Bowie: o makes snese
David Bowie: ig he aslo named u then?
David Bowie: than*
marshland: gret u had it right
David Bowie: o shit
David Bowie: wtv
David Bowie: weres my real pic?
marshland: lemme get them
marshland:
[screenshot of Ben’s post on Instagram–there’s only one picture of him by himself on his page, and it’s a picture of him red and grinning while sitting on top of an absolutely massive arcade prize stuffed bear.jpeg.file.]
[screenshot of someone else’s happy birthday post. Ben is in a decorated dorm, grinning again, and clearly unaware there’s a picture being taken. The mysterious shadows jumping behind couches suggest that this was a surprise party.jpeg.file.]
[(5) screenshots from the same happy birthday post:
Ben concentrating as he cuts a birthday cake.jpeg.file.
Ben laughing and dropping a slice of birthday cake moments after.jpeg.file
Big group mirror photoshoot with Ben in the middle, circled in red (courtesy of Bev), wearing a HAPPY BIRTHDAY headband, and another grin.jpeg.file.
Big group selfie, Ben as the one taking it from on top of a table. His face is big and almost blurry in the corner, but this is his lighting .jpeg.file.
Ben with big goofy sunglasses and a boa, surrounded by little gifts and friends, admiring a book series he’s just unwrapped.jpeg.file.]
[The is camera shaking as the person filming laughs at Ben inhaling helium from a balloon. Ben does a high-pitched impression of Mickey Mouse, but only gets halfway through before everyone is laughing too much to finish.mjpeg.file.]
marshland: i have literally so much more
marshland: i stalked this man so hard it isn’t funny
David Bowie: marsh.
marshland: bowie.
David Bowie: marry him.
David Bowie: he is literally perfect gor u.
benana > bi ll
Ben > Bill
11:37AM
benana: hey I’m having someone over tn btw :)
bi ll: ooo is it bevvy wevvy?
benana: ahh no!!!
bi ll: i ship you two so muchhh
benana: omg Billllll
benana: she’s literally like way too cool
bi ll: LIES
benana: but she’s so pretty and she’s so nice
benana: and like funny
benana: OH! AND she watches the good place
bi ll: OMG then you have common ground!!!!!!
bi ill: not too cool!!!!!!!!!
bi ill: perfect cool!!
bi ll: i will EVACUATE this dorm room if it means you invite her over
benana: i will
bi ill: OMG YAAAY!
benana: as sooooon as you invite bakery boy over
bi ill: nvm
bi ill: whos coming over?
benana: LOLOLOL
benana: it’s just Richie
benana: I thought I should warn you though
bi ill: oh god
bi ill: maybe ill evacuate the dorm today ne way
benana: lol he’s not that bad I promise
bi ill: mmm based on what youve already told me i dont trust it
benana: just trust what I’m telling you now!!!
benana: you’ll be finee
bi ill: no i wonttttttt
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
11:58AM
trashmouth: [link to a TikTok video.file.]
4:37PM
trashmouth: ok wow fuck al of u too
Notes:
AHHH how do we feel? Do we like? There's a whole lot less bullying Richie in this chapter but I hope we can get behind it alksdjljnf
AND AND AND I also set up some seeds for the ships I have listed in tags, so even though it's so Benverly centric rn that might changeee ;)
Anyways, thank you so so much for reading!! It means the world to me :D
Chapter 3: smh my head
Summary:
someone help ben
Notes:
HEY HI WE'RE BACK YAY
Ik this chapter is basicallyyyy the same as the last one, but I promise we're laying the seeds for the future (it'll alllll be worth it ;) )
I've been trying my diddly darndest to get another oneshot out, so much so that I kind of forgot this existed--so if it seems rushed, I wrote it in a frenzy of excitement in like a day so it very well might be shit
here's to hoping it's not!!
Happy reading <33
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
12:14AM
benny boo: [picture of Richie on all fours on a random piece of furniture in what must be Ben’s dorm. His glasses are askew, and, even though he’s blurry, he looks terrifying as shit.]
benny boo: help
benny boo: i’m scar edd x fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
staniel daniel: What does this mean?
bevvy wevvy: BEN OH NO
benny boo: BEVVY WEVVY IM LITERALY IN LOOVE W U SO HARD
benny boo: U GET ME SO HRAD
staniel daniel: Richie, learn how to spell. And give Ben his phone back.
benny boo: IMS BEINF AJ:ED
benny boo: HELlP
trashmouth: wow sorry guys
trashmouth: this is ben because Richie stole MY phone
trashmouth: idk if he knows where I am
trashmouth: but he will now that I texted that so help me omfg
benny boo: BEN WERE R U?
benny boo: WHEER R U HUDING?
benny boo: HIDING
bevvy wevvy: ben run!!!
benny boo: i cant fnid him
benny boo: i js wantde his phone neway
benny boo: let it b knonw that im goingthru ur messages ben
trashmouth: NO RICHIE PLEASE
bevvy wevvy: UH OH
trashmouth: RIHCIE
trashmouth: DONT YOU DARE PLEASE PLEASE
heybitch > haystack
richie’s phone > ben’s phone
12:23AM
heybitch: richie i’m begging you pleaseeeeeee don’t
haystack: whos bi ill
heybitch: RICHIE I SWEAR TO GOD PLEAS EPLAE
haystack: YO TEHRE R SO MANY MESSAGES TF
haystack: ohhh its bill taht makess ense
haystack: ya that boring
haystack: thats a ltitle offensive tho ngl
haystack: diddnt want me 2 cum over
heybitch: im coming out
haystack: OMG NO WY I SUPPORTTTTTT
heybitch: OMFG RICHIE
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
12:25AM
benny boo: ok I have my phone back I’m so sorry everyone uh
trashmouth: im not
bevvy wevvy: DEAD
staniel daniel: Ben, are you…okay?
benny boo: scarred and traumatized but if thats what you wanna call it then sure
benny boo: my roommate is too lol
benny boo: he said Richie’s banned
bevvy wevvy: LOLOL
trashmouth: OMG NO WYA TAHT BITCH
staniel daniel: Good decision.
bevvy wevvy: he’s not that bad
staniel daniel: Are you forgetting his first visit to your dorm? Need I remind you?
bevvy wevvy: AHAHHASOHASHAHAA HOLY SHIT NVM YEAH
bevvy wevvy: GET BANNED BITCH
trashmouth: KYS WTF??
benny boo: wait what happened now i gotta know :0
trashmouth: BEV ISGT DNOT TLEL HIM PLES
bevvy wevvy: wellll
staniel daniel: Don’t worry, Bev, I can still tell.
trashmouth: WE AGRED TAHT WHAT HAPPNES AT TH ERLEOVE HOTEL STAY S AT THE LOVE HOTLE
benny boo: did he have a stroke halfway thru that wtf
bevvy wevvy: LOLOOL
staniel daniel: Richie, I guarantee you that nobody agreed about anything regarding “th erleove hotel” or the love hotel, for that matter.
trashmouth: YEAS WE DID
benny boo: wait he said love hotel????
trashmouth: DNOT GO BCK ON ME NOW BICTH
benny boo: nvm i dont even wanna know
bevvy wevvy: OH GOD BEN NO ITS NOTHING LIKE THAT
benny boo: I DON'T THINK I TRUST THAT
bevvy wevvy: PINKY PROMISE
bevvy wevvy: YK MEAN GIRLS?
bevvy wevvy: YEAH RICHIES DAMIEN
benny boo: TOO GAY TO FUNCTION?
bevvy wevvy: TOO GAY TO FUNCTION
bevvy wevvy: YES YES
benny boo: LOLOLOL i believe that
bevvy wevvy: LOLOL
asshole > Stan
Richie > Stan
12:27AM
asshole: ok os we might have a problem
asshole: bec watcing this go donw is scary ngl
asshole: bne is blushing so hard
Stan: Okay?
asshole: stanley
asshole: he s blushing
asshole: bluhsingggggg
asshole: while texting
asshole: fucking gues who
Raven > Red
Richie > Bev
12:58PM
Raven: [picture of Ben, who clearly does not see Richie taking a picture. How is he so red??.jpeg.file]
Raven: oh beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
benana > bi ll
Ben > Bill
12:30AM
benana: BILLY HELP
bi ll: did richie get u?
benana: [screenshot of Bev making a Mean Girls joke, and them saying the punchline at the same time.jpeg.file]
benana: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!
bi ll: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bi ll: !!!!!!
bi ll: BEN
bi ll: SHES LITERALLY FRM THE FUKING HEAVAESN
bi ll: IF U DONT AS K HER OUT ISTG
bi ll: PLZ SHES LTIERALY LIEK ASIHHHHHAHSDHAOSIH
bi ll: SHES ACTUALY SO FNUNY PLEASEASEASEASJLAJSF:LJKSDF
benana: ikikikikikikikikikikik
benana: hold on
bi ll: k
Benjamin Hanscom > Beverly Marsh
Ben > Bev
12:33AM
Benjamin Hanscom: hi :)
Beverly Marsh: omg hiii :)
bi ll > benana
Bill > Ben
12:34AM
bi ll: why ru bulshing so hard rn
bi ll: aslo richie is v much wtching 2
benana: [screenshot of him texting Bev.jpeg.file]
benana: proud of me?
benana: WAIT I WAS BLUSHING
benana: SHIT RICHIE
benana: NOOOOOOOOO
benana: :((
bi ll: YES I MA V PROUD AAAAAAHH!
benana: i’m actually going to die
Beverly Marsh > Benjamin Hanscom
Bev > Ben
12:34AM
Beverly Marsh has changed (her) name to bev!
bev has changed Benjamin Hanscom’s name to ben!
bev: it’s ok that i named u ben right?
ben: yeah!
ben: ben is just fine
ben: better than fine
ben: sorry that was weird lol you can call be ben :)
bev: sounds good ben :)
bev: ive got early gym plans with stan tomorrow so i should probs head to bed so sorry
ben: no that’s okay!
ben: gotta stay on that gym grind right lolol
bev: oh always ;)
ben: we should go together someday! ;0
ben: :0*****
bev: lol yeah sounds fun! lmk when u go next and we can get together :D
ben: okay!
bev: have fun wrangling rich
ben: lol
ben: i need it tbh
bev: ill bet
bev: text me if he starts saying weird shit i can wake up and handle him
bev: i swear ill never die bec ill keep having to get out of the coffin to get him to act like a human
ben: LOLOLOLOLOL
ben: will do
ben: gn beverly :)
bev: gn ben :)
bi ll > benana
Bill > Ben
12:34AM
bi ll: why ru dying
bi ll: hullo?
benana: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAITTTTTTTTTTTTTT
benana: [screenshot of his and Bev’s conversation.jpeg.file]
bi ll: NO WYA THATS AHHHHH ALSJD:LAJKSDL:KAJD:LAJSDL
benana: IKKK ASHDLASHDKLHA
bi ll: now i wana meet her
bi ll: shes 2 good to be true
benana: i can give you her contact?
bi ll: not sutle enough
benana: you know all about subtlety now?
bi ll: WHATS TAHT SUPPOSED TO MENA?
benana: :)
bi ll: UR THE WORST
bi ll: js get me in the gc sumhow
Stan > Asshole
Stan > Richie
12:36AM
Stan: Oh no.
marshland > David Bowie
Bev > Gretta
12:53AM
marshland: HELP HLEP HPEASJKD:AJKS
David Bowie: wtf did u do
marshland: HELPPPPPPPPP
David Bowie: marsh this is sary
David Bowie: scary*
David Bowie: wtf
marshland: [screenshot of Too Gay To Function.jpeg.file] [screenshot of Gym Plans.jpeg.file] [screenshot of Richie sending Ben blushing.jpag.file]
marshland: THE BOYS ARE GONNA MAKE FUN OF ME SO BAD SO
David Bowie: OMG OM GOM G
David Bowie: HES TOTALY INTO U MARSH
David Bowie: WIHTOUT A DOUT
marshland: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhH
David Bowie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
7:32AM
benny boo: a great big apology in advance
benny boo (Benjamin Hanscom) has added (1) person to this chat!
William Denbrough: plz take him back
William Denbrough: [picture of Richie in a sleeping bag on the bathroom tile, flipping Bill off. His glasses are next to a toothbrush in Bill’s hand.jpeg.file]
William Denbrough: idk wich of u assholes i s his but tkae him back
William Denbrough: also ur all band :)
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has changed William Denbrough’s name to give em my galsess i cant see!
give em my galsess i cant see: no.
give em my galsess i cant see: not until u leaveeeeeeeee
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has changed give em my glasses i cant see’s name to hanus bitch!
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has changed hanus bitch’s name to hanous bitch!
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has changed hanous bitch’s name to how tf do u sepll hanous???!
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has changed how tf do u sepll hanous???’s name to heinous bitch!
bevvy wevvy: HELPPPPPPPPP
benny boo: LOLOLOLOL
staniel daniel: That was a journey.
heinous bitch: ik were u live richie
heinous bitch: ur even more band now
bevvy wevvy: LFAOAOAOOAOAOOAOA
staniel daniel: I take it you’re Ben’s roommate?
benny boo: banned* btw
benny boo: and yeah thats my roommate
heinous bitch has changed (his) name to bill!
bill: ya im his rm
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has changed bill’s name to dilliam wnbrough!
dilliam wnbrough: i js notiecd richies name tahts perfect
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has changed dilliam wnbrough’s name to dildo iam wenbrough!
dildo iam wenbrough: I FKCUNIG HAT E U WTfFF
staniel daniel: In what way does that resemble his name?
dildo iam wenbrough has changed (his) name to bill!
bill: js leav it like this im leaving in a but
trashmouth (Richard Tozier) has changed bill’s name to billiam!
billiam: or dont
billiam: jesus Christ
bevvy wevvy: i do not have the patience for this today
bevvy wevvy: smh my head
trashmouth: TF IS SMH MY HEAD
bevvy wevvy: SMH MY HEAD BITCH
benny boo: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
trashmouth: shaking my head my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!
billiam: i regert being here holt shit
bevvy wevvy: no regertssss
benana > bi ll
Ben > Bill
7:42AM
benana: do you think they bought it?
bi ll: idk u tell me
bi ll: no1 seemed to think it wsa weird so idk
benana: ikkkk i’m just nervous
bi ll: dont b
bi ll: bill is here to maek u less single
benana: LOOLOLOL
Notes:
WOAH ! AHH ! I'm actually so excited about this fic so I hope anyone who reads this likes ittt
the smh my head joke is actually a running thing with one of my best friends and it got me really excited to add more little anecdotes from my friends, so be prepared for that
ik updates have been slow, and i'm sorry to anyone that's been following this because it's probably gonna stay that way :( the formatting is so hard to do on anything but a computer so I really don't have as much time as other fic formats to work on it + i'm not very creative sooooo
but that's besides the pointThe real point is thank you so so so so much for reading if you made it this far!!! it really does mean the world :D <3
Chapter 4: in the irl
Summary:
please let them be gay-
Notes:
WOAH!! I remembered this fic existed yesterday and wrote this chapter immediately so hooray!!! It's just really fun to work on
this chapter is a plot heavy one so I hope you enjoy it! happy reading <33
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Everly > Illiam
Bev > Bill
7:43AM
Everly: dude
Everly: there is no fucking way
Illiam: NO CUZ
Illiam: LIKE IKR
Everly: u dont think they know do u?
Illiam: theres no way
Illiam: idk if i evr told
Everly: me eitherrrr
Illiam: were fucked
Everly: welp welcome ig
Illiam: thx bevvy wevvy
Everly: NOT U TOO
Illiam: LMAOAOA
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
9:52AM
trashmouth: OMG
trashmouth: OM G HES BACK
bevvy wevvy: let’s use our big boy words
trashmouth: HES HERR WTASDLJ:ASJKD
bevvy wevvy: who
bevvy wevvy: are you
bevvy wevvy: talking about
benny boo: lolol ??
trashmouth: THE GYU FROM BEFRE
trashmouth: THE 1 TAHTS SQITCHING MJORS
trashmouth: OR LIKE BULDINGS IDK
bevvy wevvy: O OMG OMG OMG YES
staniel daniel: Pictures?
trashmouth: [the grainiest, most monstrously terrible, horrendously taken picture of a human being known to man. It’s pretty much just a fucking shadow.jpeg.file]
trashmouth: LOOK
trashmouth: LOKOKKKKKKK
staniel daniel: Aren’t you a film major?
bevvy wevvy: SIR THAT IS A FUCKING BIGFOOT STOCK IMAGE
benny boo: LOLOLOLOLOOL
bevvy wevvy: THAT MAY AS WELL BE A FUCKING UFO SIGHTING
bevvy wevvy: WHAT IS TAHT
benny boo: LOLOLOLOL HELP
bevvy wevvy: GRAINIER THAN THE FUCKING OATMEAL STAN EATS FOR BREAKFAST
staniel daniel: I eat in a bakery?
billiam: GRAINER THAN TEH WHOOLE ASS BARKEY THEN WAHT IS THATT
trashmouth: jseus i forgot u were here
benny boo: BARKEY LOLOL
billiam: dw i wsih i wasnt
bevvy wevvy: LOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLLL
trashmouth: BUT
trashmouth: STLIL
trashmouth: FUCK U GYUS
trashmouth: JESUS FCUK
trashmouth: HES ACTUALLY SO FKCUING HOT
trashmouth: SJ:LADLASIJD
trashmouth: [Another picture. It’s slightly better than before, but there are two people, and neither of them are clear enough to see their faces. At least they actually look like people.jpeg.file]
staniel daniel: ?
trashmouth: fu
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
4:28PM
trashmouth: any1 want a stdy date w me in the libary
trashmouth: library*
staniel daniel: You know that in libraries have to be quiet, right?
trashmouth: WTF STAN
trashmouth: IK HWO TO B QUITE FU
staniel daniel: I’m kidding. Of course I’ll come, Richie. Which building?
trashmouth: letterman
trashmouth: teh 1 next to the big square
staniel daniel: Yeah, I know where the Letterman is. Thanks.
trashmouth: welL MY BAD ig
staniel daniel: Bev, do you want to come with? I’m in the Clarke Building already, so I can swing by and pick you up.
bevvy wevvy: hell ya!
bevvy wevvy: thanks stannn
staniel daniel: No problem.
bevvy wevvy: ben bill did u guys wanna come too?
benny boo: sure! :D
benny boo: might be a while though
benny boo: bill’s my ride atm and he’s working so
bevvy wevvy: want us to pick u up too?
bevvy wevvy: if stan is good w it
staniel daniel: I don’t mind. Where are you?
benny boo: panera :P
bevvy wevvy: I LOVE PANERA
trashmouth: tahts so basic qtf
bevvy wevvy: thats such a basic fucknig bicth answer
benny boo: FINE YOU WANT A REAL ANSWER JOEY
trashmouth: THE 2003 MERCH POPTARTS THAT CAME OUT FOR TH E SPIDER MAN MOVIE
staniel daniel: 2002 tie-in merch***
bevvy wevvy: OMG ASHDKHASDJ
benny boo: LOLOLOLOL
staniel daniel: Wow
trashmouth: damn we got the wohle gc
billiam: LOOK IT UP !!!!
bevvy wevvy: HELP JLASHD
billiam: sry i was late
billiam: tryna not use my hone at work
billiam: u gyus wouldnt stop bowing it up
billiam: blowing*
trashmouth: blowing
trashmouth: …ur mom?
bevvy wevvy: STOP SDLAJSD
benny boo: …
billiam: but ya ill come w as soon as my shitf is done
billiam: JESUS H CRIST RICHIE
trashmouth: omg meet up
trashmouth: in the irlllll
benny boo: in the irl !!
billiam: alr my boss is mad
billiam: gotta actualy work now
staniel daniel: Richie shut the fuck up. Bev, I’m headed your way. Planning on stopping to get snacks before we come and get you, Ben. Is that okay?
benny boo: that sounds great! :))
bevvy wevvy: STAN U ANGEL
trashmouth: can u get me sum too?
staniel daniel: I’ll get some for everyone.
trashmouth: hoorah
Red > Raven
Bev > Richie
4:41PM
Red: pay up asshole
Raven: w??
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
4:41PM
staniel daniel: We’re here. What does everyone want? It’s a bakery with a built in cafe, so something in that vein.
trashmouth: NO FAIR
trashmouth: U TOOK BVE TO THE BAKERY BEFORE ME???
bevvy wevvy: suck it
trashmouth: BETRAYEL
trashmouth: BETRAYLA*
trashmouth: BETRAYAL****
Raven > Red
Richie > Bev
4:42PM
Raven: NO U SCUK
Red: LOSER
Red: LOSERRRR
Red: PAY UP
Raven: NOOOOOO
Raven: NUH UH
Red: U HAVE TO
Raven: CNAT MAKE ME
Red: U AGREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
Red: I GOT TO THE BAKERY FIRST
Red: PAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Raven (Richard Tozier) has sent Red (Beverly Marsh) $10 with the message “HERES UR DUMB BAKERY MONEY U STUPID HO”! Would you like to send a Thank You back?
Red: [Thank_You_GIF!.jpeg.file.]
Raven: I HATE UOU
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
4:42PM
benny boo: just ate a bunch at panera
benny boo: but i’d taek a coffee?
benny boo: like a medium macchiato?
benny boo: carmel if they have it
benny boo: venti if you’re at starbucks
trashmouth: black eye
trashmouth: or sum other vesion of straight caffene
trashmouth: i need it
trashmouth: nd idk fucking toast or smnth
bevvy wevvy: alr carmel macchiato and pure caffeine with bread
bevvy wevvy: nething else?
bevvy wevvy: would bill want something?
bevvy wevvy: if u guys know his regular we can get it
benny boo: he’s one of those people that like
benny boo: “i’ll get what the person in fron tof me got”
benny boo: yknow the type?
bevvy wevvy: i seeeeeee
bevvy wevvy: we’ll ask for a surprise
benny boo: perfect :D
Stan loves the Bakery for a number of reasons–the pleasant ambience of the plants in the window that has birds perching to take a look, the golden overhead lights, the soft chairs and tables that always have people working alongside him. It’s comfortable.
He likes the food and the drinks. He likes the smell of the candles they keep lit. He likes the music they play, even though it’s through shitty speakers, because at least it isn’t shitty music. He likes the ex-stray cat they adopted as a company and keep out front. He likes the baristas in the cafe with genuine smiles that act like real human beings. He likes the Bakery a lot.
He didn’t mean to not invite Richie and Bev. Sure, he’d thought to himself “ these assholes have a history of causing public annoyance,” but he’d never consciously kept them uninvited. In fact, he hadn’t even noticed they’d never been until Bev started whooping about some bet she won with Richie.
And then he noticed all at once.
Bev would understand why he likes the Bakery. She would notice all the little details that Stan did. But she would also notice the big details. Like the big fat crush he has on a certain barista.
So as he’s driving Bev towards his sacred little space, he’s wishing (for the first time) that the one barista wouldn’t be there, just for today. Because then all the times he’d denied that he likes guys would go down the fucking drain in live time.
But when was he ever lucky enough for something like that to happen?
“Hey, y-you brought a friend this time!” The barista said to Stan. “How’s it g-going?”
“It’s going good!” Bev smiled, and boy did she have to try hard to not outright gawk at the color Stan had turned.
“What can I get started f-for you guys today?”
bi ll > benana
Bill > Ben
4:54PM
bi ll: PORBLEM
bi ll: BAD
bi ll: NOT GOD
bi ll: GOOD
bi ll: NOT GOD ITHER THO SO
benana: are you okay?
benana: what happened?
bi ll: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
benana: are you okay???
bi ll: bakrey byo is here
benana: OMG OMG
benana: isn’t that good??
bi ll: NO
bi ll: [Picture of Bakery Boy and Bev waiting at Bakery Boy’s usual table, talking and laughing like old friends.jpeg.file.]
benana: no way is that bev? :0
“Dude, get off your phone! What was the last drink? Hello? The order?”
“Carmel Macchiato. Medium.”
bi ll > benana
Bill > Ben
4:55PM
bi ll: tahts the problem
bi ll: were did stna and bev say tehy were going??
benana: a bakery with a cafe
benana: btw i hope you don’t mind a surprise drink
benana: it’s what you usually get right?
bi ll: BEN
bi ll: STAN AND BVE SAID TEHY WERE GOING TO A BAKERY WITH A CAFE
bi ll: BKAERY BOY IS WITH VEV RN
bi ll: WEHRE I WORK
bi ll: A BAKERY W A CADE
bi ll: BEN
benana: OH
“Hey, this might s-sound really creepy,” the barista said when he walked up to their table, drinks in hand. He seemed a little flustered. “But is y-your name Stan?”
What.
“Uh, yeah, it is.” The barista noticeably hushed a tiny panic. Stan felt the same panic rising in his own chest. “Do we know each other?”
“Not in person,” he said quickly. “But I think w-we have a mutual friend. I’m Bill.”
girl talk
ben, bill, ???
4:55PM
ben handsom: billy and stanny sitting in a tree <3333
jagged little pill: <333
jagged little pill: wait who is stan?
jagged little pill: WHO THE FUCK IS STAN?
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
5:16PM
bevvy wevvy: we’re otw ben!
bevvy wevvy: sorry it took so long
billiam: they foudn me on the side of teh road
benny boo: lol omg no way!
bevvy wevvy: LOL
bevvy wevvy: turns out stans a regular at the bakery!!
bevvy wevvy: we were waiting for his shift to finish
trashmouth: shouldve letf him there
trashmouth: he trhives in trash
billiam: FUUUUUU
5:29PM
trashmouth: chirst almighty
trashmouth: can u losers take ant longer?
bevvy wevvy: chirst
billiam: ant
trashmouth: nvm don’t fucking come
benny boo: richie because he never lets her finish
trashmouth: Y DID NO1 RECAT TI TAHT WTF
trashmouth: HEKP WHAT
staniel daniel: They did. Bev tripped getting out of the car. Bill was stunned in place, so Ben couldn’t get out from the seat next to him. They reacted.
trashmouth: HELPPPLALDJHALSJHD
girl talk
ben, bill, ???
5:33PM
jagged little pill: WHO IS STAN????????????????????????????????
Yorkie > Golden Retriever
??? > ???
5:33PM
Yorkie: WHO IS STAN
Golden Retriever: what
Yorkie: FUCK WHAT
Golden Retriever: help?
marshland > David Bowie
Bev > Gretta
11:41PM
marshland: BOWIE
David Bowie: MARSH
marshland: I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU
Notes:
AHH how do we feel?? i'm soooo ready to keep going!!! i really hope someone is as excited about it as i am :)
i promise we'll get all the losers soon and you'll notice a lottttt of plot seeds in this chapter so wahoo!
if you've been keeping up with the notes you'll notice I still haven't gotten that oneshot from last time out, but it's whatever because I literally just now remembered it existed as I was checking the other chapter notes to make it somewhat cohesive-
anddd if you've been reading notes you'll remember how i said i'm excited to add more anecdotes from my life, and even though there weren't any in this chapter, that's still a thing!!! AND IT'S EVEN BETTER!!!!!
since I last updated I had a chance to make some really really cool friends that are like hilarious and there is so much i want to put here that i just hloehjfalj so if anything seems like hella stupid or out of place you can thank them for that lmao
anyways, thank you soooo much for reading!! it means so much to me, and you guys' comments have made me so happy so thank you so much :D <3
Chapter 5: borderline blues clues polo
Summary:
"it's not stalking if it's for the girlies spill"
Notes:
AHH! I love spontaneously remembering this fic exists!!!! It's always such a blast to write
On that note, I'm so sorry for forgetting again :') it's been a hotttt minute since i last updated because life has been real crazy recently, and i regret to inform you that that may be a consistent thing with me so please bare with me. in return, this chapter is the longest one yet!!!
This chapter is also a lot more plot heavy AND a lot more Eddie heavy ;) I promise as soon as i get the losers club actually together there will probably be a lot more actual chatting instead of whatever this happens to be, but i hope this will suffice for now!
That being said, I really like this one, and I hope you do too. Happy reading! <33
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
girl talk
ben, bill, ???
2:32AM
bigg bill: y did u js ss my storu
jagged little pill: DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT
jagged little pill: IS HTIS HIM?
bigg bill: ?
bigg bill: anser my question???
jagged little pill: FUCK IT WONT SEND
ben handsom: hey guys it’s 3 in the morning
bigg bill: 230
jagged little pill: 2:30*
jagged little pill: also fu you know my sleep schedule is ass
bigg bill: i dnot have class twmr
ben handsom: i’m not really worried about you too much bill
ben handsom: aren’t you officially in wright’s class tomorrow thou?
jagged little pill: [Screenshot of Bill’s snapchat story of him, Richie, Ben, Stan, and Bev at the library together. Bev and Ben have no clue the picture’s being taken, which might be why they don’t seem to mind how clear it is they’re staring at one another. Stan is sitting next to Bill, face half cut off by the camera angle. Richie has a highlighter in his hand, coffee on his hand as well as on the rest of the papers around him, but he flips the camera off nonetheless. Stan is circled many times with a lot of question marks, courtesy of whoever sent the images.jpeg.file]
ben handsom: thats one way to avoid the queston
jagged little pill: FUCKING FINALLY
ben handsom: question*
jagged little pill: ALSO NO
jagged little pill: I WOULD NEVER avoid your questions Ben
jagged little pill: the pictures just loaded
bigg bill: it that slw ass androdi
jagged little pill: yeah good job typing dipshit
jagged little pill: at least on my android I still know how to spell
ben handsom: im gonna hit the hay guys goodnight :)
jagged little pill: night :)
bigg bill: gnnnn
jagged little pill: but am I right?
jagged little pill: was that stan?
theater lid > fucking nerd
??? > bill
2:53AM
theater lid: BILL PLeASE WHO IS STAN
fucking nerd: holt shit
theater lid: did I at least get it right?
fucking nerd: teh guy u curcled?
theater lid: yes?????
fucking nerd: ya
theater lid: ok cool
theater lid: so I am right
3:09AM
theater lid: but
theater lid: like
theater lid: why him?
fucking nerd: fym?
theater lid: why are you an dhim sitting in a tree?
fucking nerd: thats bakeru boy
theater lid: WTF?
theater lid: THAT’S BAKERY BOY?
fucking nerd: YES?
theater lid: WHAT WHAT WHAT
theater lid: damn
theater lid: NOT who I would’ve gone with
theater lid: at all
theater lid: don’t get me wrong
theater lid: he’s cute
fucking nerd: wahts worgn with hi?m
fucking nerd: aslo do u have to txet in so many msesagea?
theater lid: do you have to type like a dumbass?
fucking nerd: fu
theater lid: anyway yeah nothing wrong
theater lid: he’s cute ig
theater lid: borderline fine
theater lid: but defo not my type
theater lid: wouldn’t have thought he was yours either tbh
fucking nerd: wut is ur type tehn?
theater lid: the literal babe to the right?
fucking nerd: mike ?
theater lid: IN THE PICTURE DUMBASS
theater lid: NOT TO MY LIT RIGHT
fucking nerd: wait whor to th right?
theater lid: [Another screenshot from Bill’s story taken moments later. The photo is cropped so it only shows Richie, who is no longer flipping off the camera, but instead suppressing a laugh as his spilled coffee leaks over to Stan’s textbook. The rest of the picture is supposed to show that Bev and Ben have looked up and are laughing, too. Stan is flailing a lot .jpeg.file]
fucking nerd: RIHCIE?
fucking nerd: UR INTO RCIEH?
theater lid: I’m going to hope that’s your incompetence speaking
theater lid: his real name cannot be rcieh
fucking nerd: is htis ur way if coming out 2 me?
theater lid: I had to come out?
theater lid: the closet was a window
theater lid: a glass window
theater lid: but ya I’m into rcieh
fucking nerd: richie*
theater lid: oh thank fuck
theater lid: is that bad?
fucking nerd: it not grate
theater lid: WHAT
theater lid: NO
theater lid: WHY
3:24AM
theater lid: NO BILL YOU BITCH
theater lid: DON T SLEEP
theater lid: WHY IS THAT BAD
fucking nerd: plz stop ss my stroy i will cry
theater lid: weep bitch
fucking nerd: wow
theater lid: [Screenshot from Bill’s story again, but it’s just a cropped pixelated picture of Bev doing absolutely nothing of interest. She’s either spaced out or super focused on the paper in front of her.jpeg.file]
theater lid: that’s bev right?
fucking nerd: ya
theater lid: oh
theater lid: glad you guys are cool again
fucking nerd: we wree never not?
theater lid: well
theater lid: ok
theater lid: I thought thigns were still iffy no?
theater lid: like wouldn’t that be kind of
theater lid: idk
theater lid: weird?
fucking nerd: y do u care?
theater lid: sorry I care about your life?
fucking nerd: were fine
fucking nerd: we hvae been
theater lid: okay
fucking nerd has changed theater lid’s name to theater kid!
theater kid: did you just now notice that?
fucking nerd: gn
theater kid: ?????
theater kid: ok whatever
theater kid: gn ig
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
9:15AM
trashmouth: TAHT EXAMWAS SO BAS
trashmouth: BUTT IM DOEN
bevvy wevvy: WHAT ARE U GONNA GET ON THIS EXAM?
trashmouth: ONE
trashmouth: HUNDREDDDDDDD
benny boo: LOLOLOLOL
trashmouth: fr tho prboaly like a 60
trashmouth: wich is like avg to low
benny boo: eh I bet you got higher rich
bevvy wevvy: fr ur really smart
trashmouth: nahh
trashmouth: i cna make a cam era work magic of try 2 sing ig
trashmouth: or*
trashmouth: but when it cums 2 atcual smar tstuff im deeply fucked
trashmouth: like ur mom last nihgt
bevvy wevvy: beep beep
benny boo: that’s not how i remember you in high school?
trashmouth: idk i chaeted alot in hs
trashmouth: haha
benny boo: oh ok
trashmouth: i have tine before my nex t class
trashmouth: ne1 wantt o grab sum expesnive asf food from offcamps?
trashmouth: im @ letterman agian if u wnana meet
bevvy wevvy: i can come rich
bevvy wevvy: pretty sure stans in a lecture rn tho
benny boo: bills asleep and i have a class starting in the neibolt building in 10 :(
bevvy wevvy: NO BENN :((
benny boo: it’s all right :)
benny boo: have fun on your platonic dateeee
trashmouth: hell ya bevs my wide n ow
bevvy wevvy: for ur sake i hope you meant to say wife
trashmouth: wide wife
bevvy wevvy: i will slap u
trashmouth: kinky
billiam: end ur life
trashmouth: he lives !!
benny boo: LOL
billiam: i live!
billiam: [A .5 selfie of Bill laying in bed with his tongue out. His hair is messed up and his face is pillow creased like it’s absolutely no one’s business. He looks like a cross between some sort of insect and an absolute wreck, but also unfairly hot, especially for someone who was presumably just asleep.jpeg.file]
billiam: sorry most of yall had to meet me this week b4 i got a good sleep in lolol
trashmouth: u sohuld be
trashmouth: [A .5 selfie of Richie waiting outside in the rain, flipping the camera off and obnoxiously scrunching his face up in a wink.jpeg.file]
billiam: i was so tired istg usually kno how to type
billiam: also fu richie
benny boo: lol
bevvy wevvy: no worries bill
bevvy wevvy: we put up w richie everyday
benny boo: LOLOL
trashmouth: FCK U U KNOW I RTOE FAST
billiam: u what now?
trashmouth: TYOE*
trashmouth: TYPE **
bevvy wevvy: wow neway
bevvy wevvy: now that u got ur good sleep in bill do u wanna join us for brekky?
billiam: ty but i alr got a croissant
billiam: one of the only benefits from working in a shitty bakery
billiam: cute boys and free croissants
bevvy wevvy: absolute heaven
asshole > Stan
Richie > Stan
9:19AM
asshole: oh stannyyy
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
9:19AM
trashmouth: ongg
trashmouth: r u hiirng?
bevvy wevvy: frrr sign us all up
billiam: we dont hire employees who cant spell hiring
benny boo: LOLOL
9:28AM
bevvy wevvy: richie look up
bevvy wevvy: [Richie looking crazily around like a lost dog. His hawaiian shirt matches his goddamn umbrella.jpeg.file]
trashmouth: DELELTE THAT
trashmouth: ELETE IT
trashmouth: PLSA
trashmouth: STOTP
benny boo: LOLOLOL
Raven > Red
Richie > Bev
9:36AM
Raven: bro wtf it wrong w these ppl
Red: IKR
Raven: absolutely no1 gives a shit about your fucking discount
Red: FRRRRR we should’ve just stuck with campus dining
9:42AM
Raven: FFS WHY IS THIS FUGLY ASS HO TAING SO LONG
Red: DAMN
Red: but ur so real
Red: like i get it bec shits expensive but pls just pay the extra dollar
Raven: the ldy inf ront of us smells liek shit
Red: RICHIE
Red: HAHAHA
Raven: AM I WORNG?
Red: NO JALJKSD:LAD
9:49AM
Red: HELP THE OTHER LADU LEFT BUT STINKY LADY IS TRYING TO ORDER OFF THE SECRET MENU
Raven: teres a secret mensu?
Red: NO
Raven: FMLLLL
Red: BRO SHES FIGHTING THE FUCKING CASHIER
9:53AM
Red: this shits getting good
Raven: stikk befeing w the cashier?
Red: yeah but its getting kinda heated
Red: SHE CALLED THE CASHIER A RATTY BITCH
Raven: TAHT OLD AS S MUST FEST?
Red: BRATTY* AND IM DEADDDD
Red: OMG SOME1 IN LINE JUST WALKED UP TO THE LADY ASD STARTED YELLING
Raven: ASJLKD:LASJKD
Red: “if any1 ur the brat bec ur making everybodys day terrible and she did absoltely nothing to u but ty to do her job”
Red: HOLY SHIT
Red: “is this ur husband? pls maek sure ur wide doesnt have some fucking old person disease shes infecting us all with rn bec shes acing like shes never been in the real world before as d she smalls like a literla ritting corpse”
Red: “ik im a kid but rn ur bieng a fucking toddler u smel like u shit ur diaper”
Red: BRO THIS IS ACTUALLY INSANE AND I CANT TYPE FAST ENOUGH
Red: GET UR ASS OUT OF HT EBATHROOM
“Dude, what the hell? I wanted to see a fight!” Richie would’ve come out sooner if he weren’t busy hotboxing the bathroom like an asshole. He walked out, hoping to see a stinky old woman throwing her purse around like a wild animal, or something like that, but his heart dropped through his stomach and to the floor when he saw the cute boy from class instead.
Time slowed, and for once, Richie Tozier was attentive.
The first thing Richie noticed was that he was standing next to Bev in the pickup line, apparently talking to her. The next thing Richie noticed was that, up close, he dressed like a gay man on a pinterest board–borderline blues clues striped polo with shorts and slasher summer stripe socks. The amount of rings on his finger rivaled Richie’s, numbering approximately a hundred million, and the number of piercings in his ears beat out Bev. The last thing he noticed before he had officially been staring too long was that his hair was shorter and no longer blonde.
And goddammit, he’s hot.
“You just missed one,” the cute boy said with an eye roll. Richie had a hard time telling whether or not the eye roll was meant for him; he hoped it wasn’t. “Thanks, Myr.” He said to the woman–presumably the one who was called the bratty bitch–as she handed him a drink and a plain bagel. A plain bagel. Who is this kid?
“Did you already order?” Richie asked Bev, mouthing hottie to her once said hottie’s back was turned.
“For myself,” she scoffed. “Your ass took too long, so I gave your spot to Eddie for saving us.” Bev nodded her head in the hottie’s direction, checked over her shoulder to see if he was watching, then mouthed I know, right? Something in her eyes told Richie she wanted to say more.
“Shit, I don’t have change.” Before she could, Richie’s eyes snapped back to the cute guy. Eddie.
“Don’t sweat it,” She said, counting out five dollars and sliding it across the counter. “Like she said, for saving us.”
“Thank you, my lord.” Richie jumped in the conversation. He bowed deeply and Eddie rolled his eyes again, but smiled. Richie decided he needed that smile forever, right then and there. “My name is Sir Richard Tozier.”
“Eddie,” he laughed. Eddie jabbed his free hand towards the cashier. “And that’s Myra.”
“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lord Edward and co.” Bev nudged him as another group of people found their space in the line before him. “Unfortunately, it seems I have business to attend to in the line of ordering.”
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
10:12AM
trashmouth: GYUS HOYK SHUT EWSAWTAHE VIY FRMV3 AGAN N I ACTAUALLY TAKLED 2 HMI
staniel daniel: Richie, what in the fuck.
Stan > asshole
Stan > Richie
10:14AM
Stan: What?
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
10:14AM
benny boo: yeah uh?
billiam: and i thought i was bad running on 0 sleep
bevvy wevvy: THAT WAS THE BOY FROM B4?
staniel daniel: How did you get that?
benny boo: shes the richie whisperer
billiam: LOLOLOL
bevvy wevvy: guys holy shit we saw the boy (?) from b4 again n i actually talked 2 him
bevvy wevvy: for you normies^^^
benny boo: LOLOL
billiam: normies
staniel daniel: I’m still amazed you could decipher that. You should go into epigraphy.
bevvy wevvy: dude that was too deep for me
bevvy wevvy: i had to actually look up wtf it meant
billiam: ya wth stan ur so smart
staniel daniel: Oh, thanks.
billiam: ofc
benny boo: wait who was the guy though? :0
staniel daniel: We better have a decent photo by now.
bevvy wevvy: richies in class brooo
bevvy wevvy: do u want me to try n stalk him?
staniel daniel: If you wouldn’t mind.
10:21AM
bevvy wevvy:
[A picture of Eddie in another Pinterest perfect outfit, sprawled out in some sort of contortionist’s position on the couch. It cannot be comfortable. There are two joy cons in his hands that he’s waving around frantically. There’s someone next to him, face buried in their hands which are also holding two joycons. Eddie’s staring and screaming at an off camera TV.jpeg.file
A picture of Eddie in a plush vanity chair. His freehand is scrolling on his phone, while his other is being painted a variety of glittery colors, sporting tons of rings. His hair is bleach blonde, only his roots showing.jpeg.file
From the same occasion, someone’s hand is grabbing Eddie’s face as he backs away from a mascara wand. The rest of his makeup is already done.jpeg.file
A screenshot of Myra’s instagram page. She and Eddie are both in yet another Pinterest worthy outfit, posing in front of a Raising Cane’s with ASL “love you”s. His hair is slightly more grown out, and the blonde is sporting temporary pink and blue Harley-Quinn style dye.jpeg.file]
billiam: goddamn that was fast
bi ll > benana
Bill > Ben
10:22AM
bi ll: thats eddie
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
10:22AM
bevvy wevvy: if i had to guess i think hes using spotify in the second pic
bevvy wevvy: i found that too if neone is curious
bevvy wevvy: by the looks of his playlists hes either gay and/or has mommy issues, or is none of the above and a social anomaly
benny boo: should i be scared
bevvy wevvy: dont underestimate me fellas
billiam: noted
staniel daniel: Noted.
benny boo: lolol noted
bi ll > benana
Bill > Ben
10:23AM
benana: it might be someone else?
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
10:23AM
bevvy wevvy: so stanny
bevvy wevvy: thoughts?
staniel daniel: He’s fine.
bevvy wevvy: fine or FINE
staniel daniel: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
bevvy wevvy: stanley uris istg
staniel daniel: Absolutely no clue what the difference is.
bevvy wevvy: UR THE WORSE
staniel daniel: Worst*
billiam: best*
bevvy wevvy: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS
bi ll > benana
Bill > Ben
10:24AM
bi ll: ben wdym thats totally eddie
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
10:24AM
bevvy wevvy: OH ONE MORE
bevvy wevvy:
[Bev’s story. From behind, Myra is red and flustered, smiling but making panicked eyes at the camera. Eddie is flipping it off and making a fake angry-pouting. Bev is trying to do the same, but failing to do anything through laughs but flip the camera off. The text says “thanks to our lord and savior @eddie.k for absolutely GAGGING the stank ass she-demon”.jpeg.file]
benana > bi ll
Ben > Bill
10:24AM
benana: okay so maybe it might be eddie
Notes:
AHHH how do we feel?? I really like itttt and i hope you do too!!
Ik making Myra not suck is a controversial choice, but I also did that with Greta because I thought it would be cute if they had more girls than just Bev in their life, and they deserve a chance to be good people, too. I just wanted to mention that I’m not excusing any weird or shitty behavior they exhibit in the canon media :)
again, something similar to the last notes if you keep up with those, i still do not have the stupid one shot out but it's whatever because i for some reason can never remember it exists. and another note that's actually an old note, i'm slowly working them in, but because i mentioned these chapters are a lot more plot heavy, there haven't been a ton of friend anecdotes yet.
anyway, I hope you enjoyed this as much as i enjoyed writing it. comments and kudos are much appreciated!!! and thank you so so so much for reading, it really does mean the world :) <3
Chapter 6: absolutely a bug daddy
Summary:
yeah this'll go well fs
Notes:
hi again!! :)
Believe it or not, I didn't forget about this fic this time!!! This would've been out way sooner I promise but writer's block is a bitchhhh so :P
Anyway, this is a pretty light chapter, but I still think it's funny and I hope you do too !! Happy reading <33
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
New Group
??? > ???
12:32PM
Richard Tozier has added (1) person to this chat!
Richard Tozier: c
girl talk
ben, bill, eddie
10:25AM
ben handsom: eddie your new hair looks so good!! :D
Illiam > Everly
Bill > Bev
10:25AM
Illiam: NONONONNONONONONO
Illiam: TELL ME ITS A LIE
Everly: LMAOOOO
Everly: IDK IT COULD BE CUTE
Illiam: RICHIE AND EDDIE???
Illiam: BEV
Illiam: IN WHAT WORLD
Everly: THIS ONE??? IDK
Illiam: NO WAT
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
10:26AM
benny boo: salso weird billy and i totally know him lol
Illiam > Everly
Bill > Bev
10:26AM
Illiam: theyll destroy each other b4 they even become friends
Everly: either that or take over the world together
Illiam: u see how thats also bad
Everly: LMAO
Everly: valid very valid
Illiam: im just saying
Illiam: u know eddie so u know what hes like
Illiam: u know richie
Illiam: hes everything eddi ehates
Everly: idk they hit it off together rly well earlier
Illiam: but that was for like 5 min
Illiam: richies an asshole
Illiam: i think theyd kill each other b4 the end of the day
Illiam: they wouldnt mix well
Everly: again either that or take over the world together
Everly: i think this could be good for eddie
Everly: ur just a richie hater
Illiam: number 1
Everly: LMAOOO
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
10:33AM
bevvy wevvy: no way weird haha
Illiam > Everly
Bill > Bev
10:34AM
Illiam: UR REACTION IN THE GCC
Illiam: “no way!!!1!1!!!1 thats crazy!!!” type shit
Everly: FUCK UUUUUU
Everly: how else do i respond???
Illiam: when did eddie cut his hair?
Everly: woah topic change ok
Everly: im getting convo whiplash
Illiam: go fuck urself
Illiam: i just saw smthn ben said abt it
Everly: LMAOO
Everly: and idk i thought u would know
Illiam: remind me to compliment it when im not pissed at him
Everly: ?
Everly: wtv
girl talk
ben, bill, eddie
12:36PM
jagged little pill: I JUST GOT OUT OF CLASS HELLO?????
jagged little pill: AM I BEING STALKED?????
jagged little pill: TY
jagged little pill: BUT WTF????
Edward Kaspbrak > Richard Tozier
Eddie > Richie
12:36PM
Edward Kaspbrak: why did you just send the letter c???
Edward Kaspbrak: that’s so weird
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
12:36PM
trashmouth: jesus lord
trashmouth: i have sm 2 sya
trashmouth: sarting w if ne of u losers ever wsitch 2 film w me dnot go to writes class high
benny boo: richie :/
bevvy wevvy: U WENT TO WRIGHTS HIGH???
bevvy wevvy: after everything you told me abt ur attention span???
trashmouth: I TOUGHT ID B FIEN
staniel daniel: If this is your main concern, Richie, then I take it you haven’t checked the messages from when you were gone.
trashmouth: TAHTS SO MENASING TF
trashmouth: OMG WAUT THATS WAIT
trashmouth: TAHTS PEREFCT
staniel daniel: Please stop typing in all caps. You’re scaring the kids.
trashmouth: PLZ SOTP TYPIGN LIKE AND ODL MAN
trashmouth: UR SCARING TJE KIDS
staniel daniel: …
benny boo: wow Richie it really seems like you won that argument
bevvy wevvy: LMFAOOO
trashmouth: wtv
trashmouth: wut i was sying is
trashmouth: acctualy so stanny dosnt shit hmiself abt my spelling
billiam: if u send me a voice memo ill kms
trashmouth: Sent an audio recording. Show Transcript >
[Oh my god. Wait. How does this work? ****. Oh it’s already recording. ****. Uh. Hold on guys, just a moment.]
benny boo has kept this audio message!
billiam: why did you switch to being british???
staniel daniel: You clearly haven’t been around Richie for very long.
billiam: long enough
trashmouth: fu
bevvy wevvy: lololol
trashmouth: Sent an audio recording. Show Transcript >
[This is going to have to be, like, really quiet because I’m sitting under a tree by the Neibolt building and a **** ton of people are staring at me. Anyways. I originally knew of Eddie because he was, like, touring around before he switched majors. But then when we met him today. Wait no. OK. Then we met him earlier today for like real sees when we were getting food and that’s when we were texting you like crazy. Well, I was texting like crazy. Well, no, actually, Bev was being a stalker too, OK. Whatever. So, we met him for real earlier, but guess what? Guess what happened today? He ******* switched majors today. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. What is a boy to do? And he’s so cute, too. What is a boy to do? I’m actually ******* freaking out right now, though. Like, mostly unrelated because write is a ****. I can say that OK? But guys, you don’t understand. I’m freaking out so bad and I’m gonna freak. Haha freak. Sorry. Oh my god. No. Wait. Hold on. OK. I’m gonna freak out even worse when I’m not high as a ******* kite because Professor write started talking about a big semester checkpoint, like, huge assignment thingy that’s worth a bunch of our grade. Which is a big ******* problem, by the way. Like, he explained it, and I kind of don’t know what to do, like, at all. So yeah. That’s. Ugh. Bro. Oh my god.]
bevvy wevvy and (3) others have kept this audio message!
benny boo: omg!!! i knew eddie was switching to film but i didn't realize you guys would have classes together that’s crazy
bevvy wevvy: OMG ALKSJ:ALSKJD:ASDK
trashmouth: JAHSDLKJHASD
billiam: ew tahts gay
trashmouth: ur gay
billiam: i feel u abt the big assignments tho i just got a huge mid semester final type of thing lsat week n i got zerooooo sleep which is y i couldnt text u guys legibly
billiam: and the lesson plan sys im getting another 1 rly soon like hello?
trashmouth: NO FR WTF R UOR PROFS ON RN???
staniel daniel: That…weirdly tame for an audio message from you, Rich. Still scary and loud. I’m excited Eddie’s in your class, though; I wanna see this shit go down.
staniel daniel: But I’m sorry about your big assignment. That’s awful. Professor Li has been pulling that on me recently and my sleep has been absolutely fucked because of it, so I get it. I don’t expect you to be able to help with law stuff, but if you need any help, you can send me the details of your assignment and I’ll try my best to do what I can.
trashmouth: omg a duoble text im flatered
staniel daniel: Flattered*
trashmouth: fu i taek it back
staniel daniel: Take*
trashmouth: KYS
trashmouth: but srsly ty i rly apppreciate it stna
staniel daniel: Of course <3
trashmouth: <3
bevvy wevvy: <3
billiam: were we supposed to see this?
benny boo: lololol for real
benny boo: a private moment
billiam: <3
benny boo: <3
trashmouth: ew feleings
benny boo: Richie omg
trashmouth: BEV I NEDD HIS SPOTIFY
bevvy wevvy: DMS
trashmouth: TTYY
Red > Raven
Bev > Richie
12:47PM
Red: Listen with wheezie on Spotify!
Red: also
Red: View profile summary!
[Top Artists This Month:
- Barrett Wilbert Weed
- Talking Heads
- David Bowie
- The Ride the Cyclone World Premiere Cast Recording Ensemble
- Queen
Top Tracks This Month:
- Boys Don’t Cry - Single Version
- You Oughta Know
- Head Over Feet
- Letter To My 13 Year Old Self
- Lady Stardust - 2012 Remaster ]
Raven: JAFFED LITTLE PILL MENTOINED???
Raven: HIS PLAYLIST BAMES??
Raven: I HAEV SOMANY WUESTIONS
Red: believe me i do too
Richard Tozier > Edward Kaspbrak
Richie > Eddie
12:36PM
Richard Tozier: idk EDWARD
Richard Tozier: why did i jus tsne d the letter c EDWARRD
Edward Kaspbrak: ok fuck you
Edward Kaspbrak has changed (his) name to eddie!
eddie: better?
Richard Tozier has changed (his) name to big daddy!
big daddy: much
eddie: hell fucking no
eddie (Edward Kaspbrak) has changed big daddy’s name to Richie!
Richie has changed (his) name to big daddy!
eddie (Edward Kaspbrak) has changed big daddy’s name to Richie!
Richie (Richard Tozier) has changed eddie’s name to wheezie!
wheezie: did you just make that up?
wheezie: how did you guess that?
wheezie: thats like my username on everything
wheezie: wtf
Richie: yh well noe that its here its unfunnt
wheezie: ok fuck you asshole
Richie (Richard Tozier) has changed wheezie’s name to eds!
eds: DO NOT CALL ME EDS DICKWAD
Richie: i olny called you eds
eds: ???????????????
Richie: u said dotn call u eds dickwad
eds: oh??? My god????
Eds has changed (his) name to Eddie!
Eddie: keep it that way
Richie: no
Eddie: what the fuck
Richie has changed (his) name to big daddy!
Eddie: oh my fuck youre so fucking obnoxious
big daddy: ither ur eds or im bug daddy
Eddie: fine
Eds (Edward Kaspbrak) has changed big daddy’s name to Bug daddy!
Eddie: you can be bug daddy
Bug daddy: NO NO NO NO NON O NO NON OANON FUCK
Bug daddy: I AM NOTA A BUGDADDY
Eddie: youre absolutely a bug daddy
Bug daddy (Richard Tozier) has changed Eddie’s name to eds!
eds: that wasnt the fucking deal dick
Bug daddy: nither was bug daddy
eds: first of all
eds: its either* and neither*
eds: dipshit
eds: second
eds: you said eds or bug daddy and i choose bug daddy
Bug daddy: but u konw wat i ment to say
eds: idk what to tell you
eds: learn to proofread asshole
Bug daddy: i proofread ur moms asshole last night
(***)***-**04 (Edward Kaspbrak) has blocked this chat.
Richard Tozier: NO WAHT
Message could not be delivered.
Richard Tozier: oh fuck u
Message could not be delivered.
Richard Tozier has added (1) person to this chat!
Edward Kaspbrak: are you done?
Richard Tozier: TEHY RESET
Richard Tozier: THE NAMEAS
Edward Kaspbrak: ik
Edward Kaspbrak: i planned that
Edward Kaspbrak has changed (his) name to Eddie!
Eddie (Edward Kaspbrak) has changed Richard Tozier’s name to Richie!
Richie: :’(((((((((((((((
Richie: u wound me eds
Eddie: dont call me that
1:14PM
Richie (Richard Tozier) has changed Eddie’s name to eds!
1:37PM
eds (Edward Kaspbrak) has changed Richie’s name to asshole!
asshole: yk ur teh 2nd person to nmae me taht in their phone
eds: unsurprising
asshole: ok kys
eds: dont wanna
eds: actually i might wanna soon
eds: speaking of
eds: do u have my thirteenth reason’s email?
asshole: PROF WRIGHT???
eds: dont speak his name
asshole: LMFAO
asshole: yeah here lewright@hotmail
eds: HOTMAIL?
eds: omg double fuck this guy
eds: wtfffff
asshole: IKRRRR
eds: ok ty
eds: gtg
eds: ttyl?
asshole: ttly
eds: proofread.
asshole: no.
Janice > Damien
Myra > Eddie
2:04PM
Janice: heyyy just got off work how was your first day???
asshole > Stan
Richie > Stan
2:16PM
asshole: sry i forgt i sent this lmao
Stan: It’s okay. Why did you just say “oh stanny?” Also don’t call me that, what the fuck.
asshole: no can do stanny
asshole (Richard Tozier) has changed Stan’s name to Stanny!
Stanny: You’re really trying to live up to your asshole name, huh?
asshole: rude
asshole: but neway i wsa js tezting u bec billy boy said smthn abt cute boys at the bakery
Stanny: So?
asshole: so hes i nto guys
asshole: who cum 2 his barkey
Stanny: I hardly see what this has to do with me, Richie.
asshole: al he does in teh gc is hat e on me
Stanny: That’s all everyone does in that group chat.
asshole: rigt but he aslo flirts w u
asshole: harcdore
Stanny: ?
asshole: WATH DO U NOT GTE YET
Stanny: There’s nothing to get, Richie.
asshole: wowowowowowowowowow
asshole: ok standy
asshole: stanny*
Stanny: Okay, Richie.
Damien > Janice
Eddie > Myra
2:35PM
Damien: youre not ready for this shit
Notes:
AHHH how do we feel? Ik this wasn't as plot heavy as before but I'm so excited I can finally start doing Richie and Eddie conversations LKJASD:LAS
Also: I thought you should know that most of Eddie's spotify is 80s based as an homage to the actual story and it's musical theater-y for reasons that I will reveal later, so fun fact ig. another fun fact: JDG (the actor who plays Eddie in the 2017 movie) actually has a playlist on Spotify called wheezie's which is how I got his name here lmao
anyway, thank you so so so much for reading!!! seeing so many of you guys enjoy it has seriously meant so much to me, and reading your comments has made my day every time. Thank you. <3<3<3
Chapter 7: eat sum ice cream n blast the smiths
Summary:
my poor baby mike <\3
Notes:
hi there! it's been *checks watch* OVER A YEAR SINCE THE LAST TIME I UPDATED THIS FIC (seriously, last time was 6/5/24 and now it's 6/22/25)
yeah uhhhh sorry about that. that's all I have to say for myself.
Also there’s like a few day maybe week or so time skip between this and the last chapter :)
anyway, this chapter's a fun one & one of my favs so I hope you like it! Happy reading <3<3<3<3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Golden Retriever > Yorkie
??? > ???
2:42PM
Golden Retriever: On a scale of 1-10 how sad would you be if I dropped dead right now
Yorkie: are you okay?
Yorkie: very sad
Yorkie: 11/10
Yorkie: very very sad
Yorkie: what’s going on???
Golden Retriever: I’m fine
Golden Retriever: can you pick me up please?
Yorkie: i can’t i’m working i’m sorry
Yorkie: myr might be able to?
Yorkie: or bill?
Yorkie: i can pay for an uber if you need it
Yorkie: wasn’t darby supposed to take you home after your date?
Golden Retriever: She dumped me
Incoming Call from Yorkie !
Accept/Decline…
Call has started! (2:51PM)
Call has ended! (3:37PM)
Golden Retriever: Thank you
Golden Retriever: Sorry again for distracting you from work
Yorkie: don’t worry about it mike
Yorkie: I love you
Golden Retriever: That’s gay?
Yorkie: …
Golden Retriever: Jkjkjkjkjkjkjk
Golden Retriever: I love you too ♥️♥️♥️
Yorkie: <3<3<3<3<3
Yorkie: call me if you need anything
Golden Retriever: I will
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben, bill
4:36PM
staniel daniel: Does anyone know where Richie is? He’s not answering the phone and I haven’t seen him all day.
bevvy wevvy: he crashed w me and gret
bevvy wevvy: something about a project he didnt wanna do
bevvy wevvy: long story short he got gret and me high so we couldnt drive him back and hes been doing the assignment since he woke up
staniel daniel: Tell him he’s a dumbass and I’m disappointed.
bevvy wevvy: u dont wanna know his response
trashmouth: itw as clever adn witty and u definetly wanna hear ut
bevvy wevvy: ill take ur phone
trashmouth: imon ur shitter id liek to see u try
bevvy wevvy: EWWW
trashmouth: i said punish me dadyd~~~~~~
benny boo: oh
benny boo: :(
bevvy wevvy: :(
billiam: :(
billiam: to be clear mine has more disdain than every1 elses
benny boo: AHAHSJHLAD
staniel daniel: :(
bevvy wevvy: damn rich
bevvy wevvy: u even got stan to use an emoticon
trashmouth: its agift
trashmouth: im omw hoem now tho stan
trashmouth: almst finished w the proect
trashmouth: liek i finished ur mom last nigh
bevvy wevvy: beep beep
staniel daniel: Nevermind, please don’t come back. I don’t want you.
benny boo: LOLOLOLOLOL
billiam: richie getting band pt 2
bevvy wevvy: DEAD
benny boo: banned***
girl talk
ben, bill, eddie
3:40PM
jagged little pill: mike and darby broke up
bigg bill: WHAT
bigg bill: WHAT
bigg bill: WHAT
ben handsom: oh my god that's awful!!
ben handsom: is he okay??
jagged little pill: he called me crying
bigg bill: fuck
bigg bill: fucking fuck thats horriblw
jagged little pill: i know
BEN!!! > mikey!!!
Ben > Mike
3:41PM
BEN!!!: i heard about you and Darby
BEN!!!: i’m really sorry that’s horrible :(
BEN!!!: if you wanna talk i’m always here <3<3<3
mikey!!!: It’s okay thank you
mikey!!!: Thank you for reaching out to me it means a lot
mikey!!!: You’re a great friend
BEN!!!: of course
BEN!!!: I love youuu
mikey!!!: I love you toooooo ♥️
fucking nerd > theater kid
Bill > Eddie
3:42PM
fucking nerd: ur hair
theater kid: ????
theater kid: how’d you know i changed my hair???????????????????
fucking nerd: i saw ur exs story
theater kid: myra??
fucking nerd: yea
theater kid: she’s barely an ex
theater kid: we dated for two days
theater kid: and we both came out to each other on the second
fucking nerd: U CAME OUT TO HER B4 ME??
theater kid: I WAS BREAKING UP W HER
fucking nerd: thats
fucking nerd: yea wtv thats fair
fucking nerd: when’d you change it?
theater kid: a couple days ago
theater kid: why?
fucking nerd: js wondering
fucking nerd: we should hang out more
theater kid: yeah for sure!
theater kid: i’m on mike duty for now but i’ll let you know when i’m free
fucking nerd: ok sweet
fucking nerd: ur hair looks good btw
fucking nerd: i forgot to say that earlier
theater kid: thanks
fucking nerd: np
Bill Hader > Michael Myers
Bill > Mike
3:46PM
Bill Hader: are u ok?
Bill Hader: im sorry abt you and darby
Bill Hader: thats really awfulk
Michael Myers: It’s okay
Michael Myers: Thanks for checking on me but I’m fine
Bill Hader: what happened?
Bill Hader: u dont have to answer
Michael Myers: Well
Michael Myers: How much do you know?
Bill Hader: only that u broke up
Michael Myers: She broke up with me
Bill Hader: fuck im sorry
Michael Myers: It’s okay it’s not your fault lol
Bill Hader: still sucks
Michael Myers: Believe me I know
Michael Myers: Fuck I really fucking liked her
Michael Myers: I literally have her fucking birthday present
Michael Myers: And she’s got like forty of my fucking hoodies
Bill Hader: im really sorry
Michael Myers: FUCKING FUCK
Michael Myers: FUCK
Michael Myers: It’s
Michael Myers: Fuck don’t apologize
Michael Myers: It’s not your fault
Bill Hader: i know
Michael Myers: Can you call?
Bill Hader: i cant im really sorry im at work
Michael Myers: fuck okay
Bill Hader: im sorry
Michael Myers: It’s ok
Bill Hader: im off tomorrow
Bill Hader: i can take you somewhere
Bill Hader: or we can just talk
Michael Myers: I’d like that
Michael Myers: Thank you
Michael Myers: Sorry for like freaking out
Bill Hader: ur fine
Bill Hader: u just got broken up with i seriously couldnt care less if ur angry
Michael Myers: Thank you so much Bill
Michael Myers: Get back to work I’ll talk to you later
Bill Hader: bye mikey
Michael Myers: bye ♥️
eds > asshole
Eddie > Richie
4:59PM
eds: hey i’m really sorry
eds: can we cancel today?
eds: my friend just got broken up with and he wants me there
eds: i’m really sorry
asshole: its ok
asshole: i actualy finbished up earlier than i tought i would so im done
eds: okay okay cool
eds: sorry
asshole: stop apologising its fine
eds: mb
eds: also
eds: no typos??????
eds: and you finished your work early?
eds: it’s a mid year miracle
asshole: ohy a fuck u
eds: you did randomly turn british though
asshole: ???
eds: apologiSing
asshole: leave my british spelling alien
eds: ??????
asshole: ALONE*
asshole: 1 min u want th typos
asshole: teh next u cnat read em
asshole: mak e up ur mind eds
eds: don’t call me that fuckhead
eds: you know what
eds has changed (his) name to eddie!
asshole: NOOOOPOOOO PUT IT BCAKK
eddie: no
asshole has changed eddie’s name to eds!
eds has changed asshole’s name to rich!
eds: boom
eds: even steven
rich: joeks on u
rich: i find nickn ames enderaing
eds: FUCK
eds: NO
eds: NO.
eds has changed rich’s name to Fuckface!
Fuckface: fck my face
eds has changed his name to eddie!
Fuckface: whosaid trhat?
eddie: EW
eddie: STOP
eddie: EWW EW EW
Fuckface: i bet ur blushinggh
(***)***-**04 (Edward Kaspbrak) has blocked this chat.
Richard Tozier: STOP BLOCKING ME
Message could not be delivered.
Richard Tozier has added (1) person to this chat!
Richard Tozier: STPO BLOCKOING EM
Edward Kaspbrak: STOP BEING A PRICK
Richard Tozier: BTU TIHS RESTS THE NAMES
Richard Tozier has changed Edward Kaspbrak’s name to esd!
esd: oh well fucking done genius
Richard Tozier has changed esd’s name to eds!
eds has changed Richard Tozier’s name to prick!
prick: eh it ftting
prick: name d after my best ASSet
eds: that’s disgusting
prick: filthy eeven?
eds: EW STOP
prick: prickie has a niec ring 2 it
eds: STOP LIKING THE NAMES I GIVE YOU
prick: Ill like any name you give me eds
eds: so are you gonna submit the assignment then?
prick: mvoing swiftly on eh?
prick: were uflustered?
eds: fuck you
prick: tahts a yes
eds: thats a fuck you
eds: answer the question
prick: ya im sumbitting nwo
eds: wait two seconds please
eds: i need to change something on the doc
prick: taek ur time
prick: tick
prick: tock
prick: tikc
eds: FUCK OFF
5:27PM
prick: ready nwo
prick: ?
eds: yeah go ahead
prick: K
5:31PM
prick: subbed
eds: ok
eds: thanks again
eds: sorry for cancelling again
prick: its finea gain
prick: TLEL ur griend to eat sum icecream
prick: nd blast teh smiths
prick: tahts wut i do in a brakeu p
prick: works veerytime
eds: as if you could ever get a girlfriend to break up with you in the first place
prick: scik burn but aboyfreind my dear eds
prick: and ill have u know i get loads of dikc
eds: why are you british again
prick: ???
eds: ‘loads’?
prick: ileft a load in ur mom lsat night
eds: ill block you again
eds: gladly
prick: staetment w ithdrawn
prick: sigh
prick: ill stpo charmng ur pants of now if u gtg
prick: but ya
prick: TLEL him
prick: ic ecream
prick: the smiths
prick: trust me
eds: i love the smiths
prick: OMG
prick: r we supposed 2make otu now? <3
eds: goodbye prick
prick: </3 :’(((((((((
prick: buhbye eds
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
5:42PM
trashmouth: caht im rizzing
staniel daniel: FUCK. NO.
bevvy wevvy: all caps too??
bevvy wevvy: damn richie ur really ruffling stans feathers today
benny boo: LOOLOLOL
billiam: richie whyy
trashmouth: bcs imrizzing
billiam: uve managed to unlcok a new level of hatred in my heart
bevvy wevvy: DAMNSAIL:SDJLAKS
benny boo: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
bevvy wevvy: are u really gonna take that rich?
trashmouth: tis an honor
billiam: nvm them
billiam: its normal hate
trashmouth: ni takebacksies
staniel daniel: Only Richie could spell ‘takebacksies’ right, but not ‘no’.
benny boo: what happened richie? :0
bevvy wevvy: its eddie right???
staniel daniel: Weren’t you two supposed to hang out today?
billiam: NONONNONOO NOOO
trashmouth: im rly feelign the love tehre bikk
billiam: u shouldnt be
billiam: DIE
bevvy wevvy: AHSHADAS
trashmouth: clam ur tits vill it was js to work on uor project
billiam: ??
bevvy wevvy: calm ur tits bill
billiam: oh
billiam: MY TITS R NOT CALM!!
benny boo: LOLOLOL
bevvy wevvy: howd it go richie??
bevvy wevvy: i cant take the suspense
trashmouth: i wsa canelled on
billiam: YES
staniel daniel: And they say romance is dead.
bevvy wevvy: WHAT
billiam: MY TITS R SO HAOPPY
benny boo: i’m sorry richie :(
trashmouth: NONPNONOPN
trashmouth: GTE TIHS
trashmouth: IST BECSA HIS FREIBD WSA BROKN UP WOTH
trashmouth: SO HES SPWNDIGN TIME WI HIM
trashmouth: ITSN THAT SWETE?
bevvy wevvy: WAIT THATS SO SWEET
trashmouth: IKR
bevvy wevvy: WHAT A GENTLEMEN
trashmouth: IRKRRR
billiam: STOP
trashmouth: AND NDA ND
trashmouth: [screenshot of the I Love The Smiths Interaction TM.jpeg.file.]
bevvy wevvy: oh shit he wanTS U BAD
trashmouth: SO BDA
billiam: STOP
Janice > Damien
Myra > Eddie
11:34PM
Janice: DARB AND MIKE BROKE UP
Damien: IK
Damien: IM WITH HIM RN
Janice: WHAT HAPPENED??? IS HE OKAY????
Damien: he’s eating ice crema and blasting the smiths
Janice: so no
Damien: NOPE
Janice: SHIT
Janice: god thats horrible
Janice: okay well
Janice: fuck tell him i love him and im sorry
Damien: he says “love you too myr”
Janice: is there anything i can do or????
Damien: he’s pretty tired right now
Damien: nevermind he’s requested that you come and serenade him
Damien: you down for karaoke?
Janice: oh bitch
Janice: im always down for karaoke
Janice: tell him ill be right there
Damien: he says marry me
fucking nerd > theater kid
Bill > Eddie
12:03AM
fucking nerd has changed theater kid’s name to theater lid!
eds > prick
Eddie > Richie
2:27AM
eds: my friend says thanks for the advice
eds: [A picture of Mike and Myra singing at Eddie, not even facing the karaoke screen which plays the words to Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want . You can’t see Eddie, but his socks and several pints of neapolitan ice cream are in the frame.jpeg.file.]
eds: i’m sure the rest of the dorms hate us right abt now
prick: gald i could b of serivce
prick: TLEL ur friend hes hto ;)
eds: he’s says snore
prick: literaly or figuraively?
eds: literally
eds: he’s snoring
prick: dakm that was qiuck
eds: ikr
prick: liek me and ur mom last night
eds: he’s a fast sleeper
eds: OH FUCK OFF
prick: never
eds: FUCK YOU
prick: ud liek taht wouldnt u
eds: I hope you know i’m scowling
prick: YAYYYTY!
eds: go to bed
prick: neverrrrrtrrrtr
eds: goodnight prick
richie hate club
richie, stan, bev, ben
2:36AM
trashmouth: HOLYSHIT IM RIZZZING AGAIN
prick > eds
Richie > Eddie
2:36AM
prick: gnight eds ;)
Notes:
AHH how do we feel???
I love Mike sm so i'm excited that I finally got to sort of highlight him this chapter
sorry if it's inconsistent from the rest of the fic; I lost my plan for where this was originally going (I'm starting to wonder if I ever wrote down a plan at all) and I legit FORGOT IT EXISTED until TODAY when I binge read the whole thing so I could whip this up. I've missed writing this story tho it's super fun + I've been like possessed by another fandom since starting this fic and it's given me INTENSE writer's block that this fic kinda just cured??? so that's cool. the other fandom is angstier too so if this chapter seems a tiny bit heavier...uh that's whyAlso Darby is a reference to a movie that Chosen Jacobs (the actor who plays mike in the 2017 movie) was in called Darby and the Dead, so there's that! Also, the smiths are great break up music on their own, but i sprinkled that in there to hopefully connect it to the whole 'set in the 80s' thing canon's got goin on :)
if you were cringing at richie saying rizz...me tooAnyway, thank you so much for reading and if I have ANY readers from the original days here back again, I am so, so sorry I kept you waiting LMFAOOOO. Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated (hint hint nudge nudge) and I love to hear what you guys think! That's all from me, thank you SO much for reading again, have a wonderful morning/day/night <3
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