Chapter Text
Impulse was waiting for the moment when it would all explode. So conditioned on worst-case scenarios. After such a long season, there was no way things would go well.
He was surprised, to say the least, when he saw Etho (and Skizz) in such good spirits. Impulse watched from a distance, so used to being the primary caregiver but having no need to fill it right now. It all felt weird and oddly nerve wracking.
Skizz brought out board games, and the four mainly stuck to Uno, a crowd favorite. Impulse didn’t mean to hang back, emotionally distant, but his resting face became an almost-frown, and every time he surveyed the group, he felt his anxiety spike.
When they got bored of the game, they started looking for something to watch. Skizz was still trying to coax Etho slowly into making decisions, letting him feel however little or big he liked. He sat somewhere in the middle, it seemed, definitely one of the older regressors. Which was fine. One didn’t have to be super small.
Impulse still felt anxious.
In the end, Skizz was the one who made the call on what they were watching, selecting a movie with real people. Etho seemed more comfortable with live actors instead of watching something animated and cartoony on such a big screen.
Impulse stayed divided off.
Before they started, Etho confronted him. “You ok?” He sat down next to Impulse, leaning his head against him.
If Etho was noticing his nerves… Impulse didn’t think he was that awful at hiding it. “Just a little anxious. Not that it makes sense to be worried, but still am.”
“Mhm.” He gave Impulse a big hug. Impulse almost froze out of shock. “It’s ok,” he said at a whisper. “We’ve got Skizzle and Tango.”
Impulse laughed quietly, shakily. “That’s true.” In the back of his mind, he wondered— not that… He could wait. Wait until Etho and Tango left. He was fine. Wasn’t too much. Just a little anxious. Not enough to spiral. Not enough to warrant…
Etho pulled up a blanket that sat to the side of them, making sure to cover Impulse as well. That was before he leaned against him. Impulse still sat tensely, waiting for something. Waiting until a breakdown. Expecting the worst even though everything seemed to be resolved. He wasn’t in there for whatever conversation Skizz and Etho had, but their moods both showed things to be good now.
Not that anything could happen now. They were safe. Things were contained, controlled. There wasn’t any reason for things to go wrong.
“Impulse,” Skizz said, walking up to him. “Need you for a moment.” He looked up with concern, fear, dread. Something. Etho looked over at the two of them. “You can stay here, buddy. We just need to talk. Doesn’t involve you or Tango. You guys can continue watching without us.”
Tango took Impulse’s spot as the two headed to the kitchen. Skizz pulled out what was left of snacks, grabbing a very childish cup. His chest tightened, knowing the intention.
“It’s ok. It’s all okay.” He pulled Impulse into a tight hug, knowing how quick the slip was. How easy. How simple. How all Skizz had to do was be present. “Etho’s good. Tango’s got him. And Tango’s good too, he can handle it. He’s good with these things too. And I told him to stick to the living room unless you’re up for company.”
Impulse just nodded, unable to find his voice, hating all of this. Hating how he couldn’t hold on and in just a couple minutes he’d be so small he would struggle to walk.
“So. What’s the snack today? Got some graham crackers left.”
Impulse just nodded, no desire to find his voice whatsoever.
“Chocolate milk with that?”
He nodded again. A small part of Impulse realized that they’d have to walk by Tango and Etho to get to the back bedroom and they could easily see him. They knew. Of course, they understood, they got it. But he didn’t want them to see— they didn’t know how little he was.
“Hey, don’t worry about it. We’ve got this. We’re good. All good.” Skizz also grabbed himself a water. “Peanut butter on the crackers?”
He shook his head.
“Ok. Sounds good.” Skizz put a few sheets of cracker into a small plastic kid bowl. It was almost silly how easy this stuff worked on him. How Impulse could be around his own base, and all the little gear wouldn’t make the difference, but how if he was at Skizz’s place, all semblance of “competent adult” went out the window.
Skizz led the way to the bedroom. Impulse watched to make sure Tango or Etho didn’t look back at him. It was ok. They didn’t ask questions. Didn’t check in. Didn’t glance over.
They were in the bedroom. It was good.
Impulse climbed into bed, taking to his spot quickly. Skizz pulled out his stuffed animal, along with the preferred blanket that had yellow and blue popping out from the black base color. He pulled out a book, setting it on the nightstand, before slipping in bed beside Impulse.
“None of that’s your fault, ok?” Skizz gave a very firm, clear look.
Impulse nodded, humming quietly.
“You did the best you could. Sometimes Etho needed me or Tango more, sometimes he needed you more. It is in no way your fault when things were out of your control. When things went bad.”
He nodded more, tears starting to run down his face. Almost unfair, because he was so small already. So tiny and unable to fight back. Just being tricked by Skizz’s way too patient words. Impulse was responsible. Responsible for pushing too much. For not understanding. For not intervening when he should and for butting in when he shouldn’t.
“Oh, come’re. It’s ok. Nobody’s disappointed.” Skizz pulled him into a hug, ever so tight and safe, putting everything at ease. “We love you. We do. You didn’t have to do anything this season to earn it either. Ask Top that and he’ll tell you the same.”
He was crying so much. Very quiet, with many hitches of breath. Tears rolled down his face as he didn’t attempt to wipe them away. Skizz wiped it off for him, always managing to have tissues on hand. “There you go. It’s ok. I’m not going anywhere.” He handed Impulse the sippy cup of chocolate milk, along with the snack. “I think you need a really long nap after this, huh?”
Impulse nodded, only eating half a cracker and finishing up the chocolate milk before handing it back. A nap sounded good. “‘nigh’ night,” he said in an ever so small voice.
“Sleep well, buddy.”
And he did.
“You don’t really want to watch anything, do you?” Tango asked Etho. He’d taken over Impulse’s spot, Tango being notably less tense than Impulse.
“No, not really.”
Tango turned it off. “Dinner?” He shrugged. “Ok. You tell me whenever you get hungry.” Etho nodded. “And if you need anything else…”
“Got it.” It was a bit weird to just be able to sit around like this. No question of other people barging in. No future long weeks of fighting. No heavy stress weighing on him. And maybe that should’ve meant there was no reason to regress, he should be more in control than he was. But how relaxed everything was just made it so easy to lean into it. More so than he would normally be inclined.
Not that he felt super small. But enough that the fog noticeably blanketed over him, making Etho just a little more sleepy than normal. Tango noticed it, commented on it. “Awwww… just a small sleepy guy, huh?”
“‘m not that small,” he protested quietly. A sort of embarrassed, fluffy feeling filled his chest.
“You’re not?” Tango asked with teasing surprise.
Etho pulled the blanket up to his face until it covered more than his mask could. Even still, he was leaning back on Tango, not leaving Tango just because he was in a bit of a teasing mood.
“Ok, fine. I’ll stop,” he said sincerely. “No more being mean.”
Etho pulled down the blanket. Tango continued to keep his word, choosing not to say anything, probably because whatever he’d say would be a tease. With everything quiet again, that ever noticeable small feeling came back. And with it, the understanding that it wasn’t necessary.
He could push himself out if it. He probably should. For the best. Wasn’t needed so why bother Tango with it? It’d be easy, especially if he asked Tango to help. Just a little conversation that stayed more serious. It wasn’t like being regressed was actually helpful right now. More an annoyance than anything.
Etho got up, gathering up his papers for the redstone project. When he went to look over it, review what he wrote, he found it didn’t make much sense. Whether that was because what he wrote genuinely was confusing and incomprehensible, or if it was just where he was at mentally. Either way, it was frustrating when he’d read it over five times and he couldn’t remember where he was going with it. (Etho might’ve huffed a bit frustratedly and stuffed everything back into his inventory bag.)
“Everything ok there?”
He just shrugged, not having the desire to really talk about it. Not wanting to explain the fact that being regressed was keeping him from doing redstone, which sounded incredibly dumb. He sat back down, no longer right next to Tango.
Tango was watching him, waiting for a verbal answer.
“Just a project not making any sense.”
Tango nodded, getting the gist quickly. “Need some help?”
He shook his head, knowing there was the off chance that it actually made a lot of sense, but he was just too little to get it. He didn’t want Tango to have to explain Etho's own design to him.
“Ok. You good though?” Tango likely knew that wasn’t all that was going through Etho’s head. “You don’t get worked up over nothing.”
It wasn’t really easy to give a “yes” to that statement and have anything to back it up. At this point, Tango knew him well enough to know what was honest and what wasn’t. But he didn’t want to admit to being dumb and little and stupid. Not that he thought Tango would be mean, aside from some light teasing maybe. But. He didn’t want Tango to know.
So he just stayed quiet. Tango looked back over at him and Etho pulled the blanket up in front of his face again. “Hey, buddy, how old are you feeling?” He shook his head quickly. “Ok, we don’t do that here, got it. But I take it quite a bit small. Like, say, younger than about… hmm… twelve?”
Etho looked at the floor.
“There’s nothing wrong with it. You know that, right?”
He didn’t move. Didn’t say a thing.
“There isn’t. You can be small. You can be really small. And it’s okay. It’s good.”
It didn’t feel right though. Didn’t feel comfortable or all that great. Not when he should most definitely be capable of taking care of himself. Not when he should be stable enough to handle situations without hiding away and needing other people to help.
“Look, we’re gonna sit with it this time, ok? I’m not pulling you out unless you absolutely need me to. Are you good with that?”
Etho finally looked at him, even just his eyes able to express anxiety. “But I don’t—” He looked back down. “Really don’t need to be small… since there’s. It’s not needed if there’s nothing really to…”
He could still feel Tango staring at him. He didn’t say anything. Didn’t press. Didn’t get all redundant and persistent.
“And.” He felt bad. Bad about being a burden all through the sessions. Being rude and distant. Regressed so he wouldn’t have to communicate anything with Impulse. Quiet so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge the problem that was so glaringly there. He really shouldn't, not after all that. “You had to deal with me already,” he said in a small voice.
Tango scooped him up into a hug, not interrupting but still saying enough in action alone. He ended up sat on Tango’s lap, leaning his right side up against Tango. Etho was more used to burying himself fully into a hug, so sitting like this felt less hidden away. Tango could still see his face pretty easily.
“Last break, with Impulse, I uh…” He felt like he should apologize even if Tango didn’t know his intentions for being little. “He was gonna work through everything, probably. Ask questions and stuff, but I figured…” He looked up at Tango, surprising himself by making eye contact. “If I was small then he wouldn’t… no questions, no talking about Skizzle and– and– what I did. And…” He swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. “I was right. He just let me be and I got away with it and I shouldn’t have done it and I–”
Etho buried his face against Tango. So much for eye contact and not hiding.
“Oh, buddy. It’s ok. I forgive you. I know Impulse will too.” Tango started squeezing the life out of him. Far tighter than he usually hugged. Far tighter than ones Etho received from anybody.
He was starting to cry a little bit, but he didn’t know why. Didn’t know why he was this pathetic. This stupid. There wasn’t anything to–
“Like I said, it’s ok to be small. And you don’t have to fight to validate it every time either. You’ve had a long few weeks.” The fuzzy feeling came back full force, pulling him down a bit younger. “Don’t fight it. It’s not worth it.”
He agreed, followed suit with what he was told even if he didn’t like the idea. “Really small,” he said at a whisper a few seconds later.
“Yeah?” Tango said, matching volume pretty closely. “Like, if we were to put a number on it, probably younger than five?”
Etho made a face but nodded.
“Want something to eat? Last I checked, Skizz had some canned soup.”
“Ok.”
When he said soup, it also meant Spaghettios and Ravioli. And maybe those things weren’t explicitly kid soup, but for whatever reason, it very much so felt that way. And a part of him actively considered it, especially since it was far more flavorful than chicken noodle soup, the other option in the cabinet. It also didn’t have all the cooked veggies in it, nothing in it that sounded unappetizing.
“There’s mac and cheese too. Mostly stuff that keeps well for a long time.”
In the end, he ended up gravitating towards the Spaghettios, which Tango did not pay any extra attention to. No joke about it being a childish option. Nothing more about being extra little tonight. It put him at a lot of ease, knowing that Tango wasn’t trying to draw attention to it. It made it easy to be little, easy to not overthink it as much.
Tango ate the same thing, as the soup was enough for two people. He’d also fixed a cheese sandwich, offering to make Etho one, but he declined, not super hungry. It was peaceful. It was quiet, though fortunately not in the overwhelmingly awkward sort of way.
The place was starting to feel empty though, with just the two of them. “Where’s ‘pulse and Skizzle?”
“They’ve been gone for a while, huh?” Tango commented. “I think they’re in the back resting.”
Etho got the sense that maybe they wanted to be alone. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to ask. “Can we go see them?” Despite the smaller headspace, he still caught Tango’s hesitations. The way he looked a little unsure. Etho didn’t know what the problem was with going back to the bedroom, but there was something.
“I’ll ask Skizz. But Impulse may need the night to be by himself.”
Etho nodded, trying to understand the matter even without the details. Trying not to ask questions even if he’d like to know what was going on. “He’s ok though?”
“Oh yeah.” Tango picked up their dishes, taking them to the kitchen to be washed. “Everything’s alright. But sometimes it’s good to have a break. And Impulse is getting his right now.” Tango rinsed everything off before loading it all in the dishwasher. “And he needs Skizz. Kinda like how you need me right now.”
He nodded once again. Maybe it would be better to stay out of their way for the moment. “For now, how ‘bout you get cleaned up and stuff. I’ll check in with them, see how everything’s going?”
Oddly enough, Etho didn’t have any trouble receiving any sort of instruction. The idea of having someone there, being present while he was so small was always so foreign. But… maybe he didn’t mind it all that much. “Ok.”
Thirty minutes later, Tango reported that Impulse was asleep and Skizz recommended that they just stick to the living room for the night. Etho didn’t complain about it. They were able to set up an air mattress, and for their last waking moments, Tango played video games as Etho struggled to stay awake watching him. It wasn’t incredibly late, but it didn’t take much when the lights were turned out and he had no reason to stay awake.
It was nice (as much as he’d hate to say it).
Everything was fuzzy. In that way of making it hard to think. Hard to recall anything.
He wanted to go back to sleep, really.
But Skizz got up. The bed shifted just enough to stir him further.
It wasn’t fair. He was so cozy before.
Impulse whined softly. Couldn’t help it really, because he was alone now. “I’m still here. Just gimme a minute.” A second later, Skizz placed a stuffed animal in his arms, pulled the blanket back over him, and pressed a paci to his lips. Heat rushed through him in embarrassment — more so knowing that Tango and Etho were just in another room and could come in— and—
“Shhhh. A minute. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
Impulse watched as he left. And yeah, it was just the adjacent bathroom, but it felt like the ultimate form of betrayal, getting left alone like this, unable to make noise with a soother — that definitely was not soothing in this moment — in his mouth, stuck underneath blankets. (In all fairness, he knew if he tried that he could get up. But he never wanted to, it always being easier to be carried around or led by the hand.)
And yes, he never took more than two minutes, maybe closer to one minute usually. Nevertheless, unfair. Unfair for no reason than his mind wanted to make everything sound unfair when he didn’t get his way. (Which, if he wasn’t so little, Impulse would see such mentalities as ridiculous, but thus his life went when he felt no bigger than two.)
“I’m back. I told you I’d be back.” And of course everything was how it once was, with Skizz slipping back in bed for at least another hour — despite it already being eight fifteen, despite Impulse having gone to bed early meaning that was at least ten hours, if not more, of sleep. “I’ve got ‘ya.” Skizz pulled him up to his chest, always so comfortingly so. Never bothered by Impulse’s so small nature.
“Last night Tango asked if you’d be up for company. What do you think about that?”
He really wasn’t listening, already close to nodding off again.
“Impulse.” He perked up anytime Skizz said his name though. “I think Etho’s getting lonely with it just being him and Tango. Do you think we can visit them sometime this morning?”
Part of him felt he didn’t mind. The other part — the part that also protested about everything little from being spoon fed to being given baths to having pacis and other itty bitty things, that part protested so strongly. A childish tantrum, really. The part that knew if any of his friends saw him this way, they’d forever look at him differently.
“Etho’s little too, you know. I bet he still is.”
Impulse didn’t know how he’d like it, never having anybody but Skizz.
They weren’t leaving anyway. Options were either be big and help with Etho or be small and hang out with Etho and Tango. And he really enjoyed being this small, if he were honest. The ever so small and warm, fluffy feelings that came with being held so gently, and protected so attentively. Tended to without having to say a word.
“Your call.”
He finally nodded.
“Yes we can go see them? Or maybe they can come in?”
He nodded again.
“You want me to carry you in?”
Impulse thought for a moment before nodding with an agreeable hum. The blanket was still draped over him and he held to the stuffed dog tightly. Everything managed to make it to the living room without getting dropped on the way there.
Impulse rubbed at his eyes at the sudden change in light. It was far brighter in here.
“Look who came out to visit this morning,” Tango said, voice almost a little too loud and cheery for Impulse’s liking.
Etho stood a little further away, watching quietly. Impulse buried his face against Skizz, too nervous to look over at him. Though it made things harder when Skizz sat down near where Etho was.
“Can you say ‘hi,’ Impulse?”
He shook his head, curling up closer.
“Is it ok if Etho comes a little closer?” Skizz asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Impulse said, though the word was pretty muffled.
Etho scooted down to where he was right next to Skizz. Which also meant he was right next to Impulse. “Good morning, Impulse,” Etho said softly. It was a different quiet from Skizz. Skizz was always confident in what he said, assured and clear. Etho was quiet and timid. Oddly enough, it put Impulse at some ease to know he wasn’t the only one scared.
“‘morning,” Impulse repeated back, some vowels not coming out as clearly, still muffled by the paci.
“You’re really little, huh?” Etho said curiously.
It didn’t feel mean. Or teasing. Just felt like a question. And surprisingly, Impulse found himself unbothered by the question. Still, he found it hard to answer, instead just blinking at him.
Etho looked back at Tango, almost like some confirmation of if he was doing things right. Impulse looked back at Skizz. He was smiling. So of course it had to be going somewhat good!
“Is he still sleepy?” Etho asked, directing the question more at Skizz.
“Yeah. He just woke up a few minutes ago. Give him time. He’ll be chatty in a bit. He’s also never had anybody over while he’s little.”
Impulse buried his face against Skizz again, reminded of the fact that this was new.
“Me neither.”
There was some sense of friendship and understanding though. Impulse might’ve been so incredibly little and unable to really articulate complex thought right now, but he understood the feeling that someone was safe. Someone was family. And for whatever reason, Etho was exactly that.
He crawled out of Skizz’s lap to give Etho a hug, which took everybody by surprise. “Hi, Impulse.” Even with how quietly he spoke, Impulse could hear the smile in Etho’s voice. Etho hugged him back, very gentle about it still.
And that was the thing, he was just about as gentle as Skizz was. Even if he lacked the confidence, he was quiet and safe. That safety of an older sibling. Impulse should know, given it was almost the same feeling as what Skizz gave him.
“This ok?”
Impulse nodded, even so much as crawling onto Etho’s lap. Which, another thing. Very new. Etho wrapped his arms around Impulse ever so lightly, hugging Impulse against his chest. “Am I doing this right?” he asked, voice still timid.
“Yeah,” Impulse said quietly. His answer earned a chuckle from Skizz for some reason. Impulse turned his head to look over at him questioningly.
“I didn’t expect you to warm up to Etho so quickly,” Skizz commented.
He didn’t know what to say to that, but he nodded anyway. Etho shifted his hold on Impulse a little, no longer hugging him in place. Impulse still leaned against him, already getting a little sleepy again. He tried to keep his eyes open, aware of everything that was happening. But it was so difficult, and he wanted to sleep but he wanted to be awake. It was so silly, but still complicated and he started to whine again.
“Still sleepy, huh buddy,” Skizz said. “I’ll take him from here.” When Skizz had Impulse in a steady enough hold, he started walking around the room, moving over to the kitchen. “You’re ok. Just a lot.”
He set Impulse down on a chair before pouring out some cereal. “I’m coming back. I know.” He handed Impulse one of those spill-proof bowls, making sure he was holding onto it before picking him up again. They headed back to the living room, sitting back in the same spot as before.
“You make it look so easy,” Tango commented.
Skizz shrugged. “We’ve done this a lot. You get more comfortable with it the more you do it.”
Impulse pulled out a handful of cheerios, about to eat one before running into the problem of the paci. A difficult situation because one hand was keeping hold of the bowl on one of its small handles and another hand had the cheerios. Skizz didn’t notice his plight.
Though before Impulse could make any noise on the issue, Etho resolved it. Impulse gave a small smile before eating half of the handful. Once he’d eaten up the entire handful, he picked out a couple cheerios, pressing them up to Etho’s mask.
“I’m good.”
Impulse blinked at him, attempting again.
“Not hungry.”
Tango and Skizz were laughing quietly at the two of them. Impulse gave a very firm look. “Eat.” Then he said a bit calmer, the word less clear and demanding, “Please?”
Etho gave up, pulling down the mask. Impulse did feed him a few cheerios before just handing him a bunch of them. If only to return the favor, Etho did the same to Impulse. Impulse was more receptive to it, of course. (Skizz and Tango still found amusement with the two of them, but Impulse made sure to share with them too.)
They all ended up pouring out more dry cereal for breakfast. Options were slim pickings and Skizz was talking about leaving for the store before lunch. Impulse of course was not thrilled about this, protesting the entire time.
“You’ll be ok. Tango’s nice. I told him and Etho what to do. And I’ll be back quick. You want snacks, right?”
Of course, he settled quickly, able to come to terms with it for the sake of snacks. At least, momentarily able to come to terms with it, until about an hour later when Skizz actually left and he freaked out again. A couple minutes into his meltdown, Tango realized it wasn’t one of those self-resolving issues.
“Ooookay.” Tango was most definitely out of his element, and even Impulse, in the midst of such heavy emotion, could sense it. “It’s gonna be ok, I promise. Skizz’ll be back.” He attempted to pick Impulse up, but it was done with such a lack of confidence that Impulse squirmed out of his hold and ran back to the bedroom.
It was so lonely. He was alone. The only person he trusted was gone and he needed Skizz and it wasn’t fair. And he was stuck here, little, with Tango and Etho.
The door opened and shut quietly. He got quiet for a second, before crying again, the sound grating against his own ears. All ugly and gross and little but not in the good sort of little.
“It’s ok. It’s ok.”
Impulse looked up from his spot, lying on the floor. Etho stooped down in front of him, pulling him up. Very clumsily, Etho picked him up and carried him to the bed, plopping Impulse down as soon as he made it there.
He quickly settled down, now being paid some attention. But Etho attempted to get up, probably going to grab something. Impulse whined softly.
“Just want to sit down for a bit?”
Impulse nodded, sniffling a bit.
“Ok. You left your stuff in the living room.”
Impulse looked around the bed. That he did… The most well-loved stuffed animal and blanket. He looked a little downcast, but he’d rather not have his stuff than have Etho leave him.
“Maybe Tango could grab it for you,” Etho suggested. “Or we could go back out and get it.”
Impulse opted for Tango, calling for him loudly until he came to the bedroom. He wasn’t too thrilled about being called to walk around the whole house, but he seemed willing enough to do it for Impulse’s sake.
Once everything was in its place again, Tango and Etho either side of him, Impulse lied down and fell asleep rather quickly. He was still aware that it didn’t feel right. Never would. Not without Skizz. But he was okay right now, able to sleep at the very least. And also, Etho was quite cuddly when he wanted to be, even more so than Tango, funnily enough. It made it easy to rest for a bit. He was so tired anyway.
“‘Night Impulse,” Etho said quietly. As Impulse drifted off, he felt Tango ruffle his hair lightly.
Then he was out. Crashed very quickly. Very unaware of the relief both Tango and Etho felt now that the situation of big meltdowns had been handled.
Etho wasn’t sure how to feel about… all of this. On the one hand, he was never really comfortable taking care of regressors. On another, he didn’t feel comfortable regressing himself, not around other people. Here he was sort of taking care of someone while regressed himself while finding he didn’t mind it at all.
It kind of made it easier? Like, he wasn’t so nervous constantly, not on edge or uncomfortable about being little. Impulse was quite a lot smaller than him, quite more reliant. A lot of the attention was put on him.
And he wasn’t expected to take care of Impulse, but he could help out if he wanted to. It wasn’t like he was doing childish things for himself. He was just watching out for Impulse and keeping him entertained.
At least, that’s how he rectified playing with the random little toys with Impulse. At the moment, they were nursing a stuffed bear back to health. “He seems to be a bit sick.”
Impulse nodded, taking the bear and wrapping him up in a small blanket.
“He needs lots of rest. And water and food. You got food?”
Impulse pulled out a slice of plastic pizza.
“Can we give a sick person pizza?”
“Bear,” Impulse corrected.
“Does the bear want pizza?”
He nodded, also grabbing a slice of “bread” as well. “Got honey on it,” Impulse tried to say, but the words came out in a jumble.
Etho nodded, sort of getting his point. “That’s better than the pizza. Maybe get him some fruit too.”
Impulse pulled out an apple from the bin of toy foods, handing it over to Etho. He then scooted by Etho, cradling the bear in his arms. “He hungy,” Impulse told him.
A minute later and Impulse was bored of the game, wandering off to the living room, expecting Etho to follow him. He ran back in moments later, yelling at Etho to follow him, even so much as pulling him up.
They ended up watching some silly kids show, half an episode, before Skizzle came back in and Impulse was entirely distracted. “Skizz!”
Etho turned off the tv, watching almost bemusedly as Skizzle picked Impulse up after setting down his inventory’s worth of items.
“Told you I’d be back, buddy. Have you been good?”
Impulse nodded, but Skizzle looked over to Etho for confirmation. “Yeah. We’re good.”
Tango then showed up from the bedroom, having taken to planning out projects, working on sound features of Decked Out apparently. He hadn’t been super involved in all that Impulse and Etho had been doing, seeing as Etho wasn’t getting into trouble and Impulse was pretty content. “Oh, hi. You’re back.”
“Impulse was good?”
“He was fine after a nap. Etho did all the work, really,” Tango said.
A weird feeling came up in Etho’s chest. Probably the awareness of having attention directed at him. Skizz looked a bit surprised. He drew the attention to Tango in a teasing manner. “You seriously made Etho do all the work?”
“He did it on his own. I didn’t tell him to do anything.”
Impulse forced himself down from Skizzle’s hold. He went back over to Etho, dragging him back to the couch. He pointed to the tv and Etho quickly got the idea.
It was kind of comforting to take care of Impulse. Not too stressful. And there were so many nice feelings that came along with knowing that Impulse was dragging him along to the couch. Not Tango, not Skizzle. It was him. Which, that might not be a big deal. In reality, Impulse might not care who sat beside him. But it was nice to be the chosen one.
“Is Etho your buddy now?” Skizz sat next to them. Impulse nodded, leaning against Etho.
It was nice.
Unfortunately there was the passing thought, the reminder that there wouldn’t be anything like this again. He’d go home after this little break, the four of them would part ways. Etho would stop regressing, maybe hide away for a few weeks before integrating back into society. No more relying on other people. No more taking care of Impulse, seeing as Impulse was the same way, independent in all circumstances.
He shook it away though.
He might not ever be this happy, this comfortable with regressing again. But he might as well enjoy it while it was here. Even if it was such a simple thing, like watching tv, and eating the fruit snacks and other snacky foods Skizzle had bought.
(He couldn’t help that the downcast thought did have lasting effects on his mood for the rest of the night though.)
Impulse had another nap, far shorter this time. Typically happened as he made the mental shift of little to big. It was a lot for one’s brain to handle, so a short nap was typically in session. When he woke up, he wasn’t surprised to no longer feel small.
Skizz was still beside him as always. Etho was quiet, watching something on the tv as he leaned against Tango. Tango was engrossed with something on his comm.
Problem with that little to big jump was that it always left him really exhausted and quiet. It could easily be misread as still being little, or maybe just somewhere in between. Skizz could tell the difference without asking now, but a long time ago, it was always awkward trying to explain that he didn’t feel small. Especially in as few words as possible.
“Good now?” Skizz asked quietly as he noted Impulse’s stirring.
Impulse nodded, sighing a bit. The one thing he hated was that he could always remember how he felt, how he acted. How Tango and Etho would see him as a crying baby for his one caregiver, no longer able to look at him in the face because they knew he went incredibly little. Always watching out for him from a distance just to make sure he was alright. There were many reasons why only a handful of friends knew he regressed, but none of them saw him regress.
“D’you want me to tell them you’re good? Or are we crossing that bridge later?”
Impulse hoped his silence was telling enough. “We’re waiting then, got it.” Impulse nodded in confirmation.
He then got up, with the intention to clean up everything in the room. Etho watched Impulse head to the back, asking quietly if he was okay. (Impulse had ears. He also could answer questions just fine, Etho didn’t have to go to Skizz with them. Granted, Impulse didn’t really want to talk right now either.)
It wasn’t too messy in the bedroom. Just some of the toy food items still strewn about, along with a few stuffed animals and other odds and ends. He folded up blankets, put important items on shelves, rinsed off the paci before throwing it in the box with the other baby space stuff. (At least Skizz was always kind enough to keep all that “out of sight, out of mind." Not that putting it away would erase memories or anything.)
Impulse turned around, about to head back to the living room, instead finding himself face to face with Etho. (He might’ve jumped a little. Etho hadn’t made a sound.) “Hi,” he said, trying to find his voice.
“You’re not little anymore,” he observed. It was hard to tell if it was out of acknowledgement or accusation. He said it sort of deadpanned.
“Yeah. Not anymore.” It was kind of awkward. Impulse got the sense that Etho may have been somewhere in between. With him it wasn’t so clear cut, not a quick slip down and always a quick ride back up. “Still a bit regressed?”
“A little.” There was a heaviness in the tone. Some other emotion, buried deep, something that wouldn’t get acknowledged unless Impulse encouraged him to consider it.
“What’s bothering you?” he asked, carefully selecting words and a tone of voice. He pulled Etho into a hug, trying to be some semblance of comfort.
“It’s… weird.” Etho said the words a little disgustedly.
“Come on. I was smaller than you for almost a whole day. You can’t say it’s weirder than me.” Impulse guided him to the beds, taking to the one they’d been at before, sheets still messy from not being made up since they got here. Impulse had an arm around Etho, keeping Etho pressed up against him, sides touching. Impulse wasn’t used to getting this comfortable around people, but these days, cuddles seemed more required than usual. He used to be more selective about it.
“It’s just weird that it’s bugging me.”
Impulse waited. He’d probably get around to saying what was wrong in due time. No need rushing. They had all day.
“I just know that we’ll go back home and— things are gonna go back to how they were and— not that I need anybody, but it’s been nice. Nice today. And I don’t hang around other littles and it might be fun, but I don’t want just anybody to know either. So it’s…”
“You’re gonna miss this,” Impulse finished.
“Don’t know if I’ll feel this comfortable about it again. Don’t know if I can feel comfortable around it.”
Impulse ran a hand through Etho’s hair. Did little things to position himself so that Etho was leaning on him more. He pulled out a blanket, just small added comforts. “You can always come over to my base. Or I can come visit yours. And I’m sure you could force Tango to take a break if you wanted the company. And Skizz is always more than willing to drop what he’s doing.”
Etho gave him a hug, much lighter than usual, a bit unsure.
“And I absolutely promise that. There’s always space for you. And we can make it fun and safe for you again.”
Impulse returned the hug, keeping it light but still steady and sure.
“Thanks. I— I’d like that.”
“And that offer can apply big or small, hear me?”
Etho nodded.
Impulse figured he probably wouldn’t come around unless he felt he really needed it. But there was trust now. There was peace. There was enjoyment, which was far beyond what Impulse expected on that first night seeing Etho regressed. So closed off at the time, quiet and sleepy and unresponsive.
He wouldn’t have guessed only seven weeks later for them to be in Skizz’s base, hanging out together, both regressed. He wouldn’t have guessed for them to be taking care of each other as needed.
“Hey, it’s been fun. And uh, I really appreciate you being there for me today. Tango wasn’t really...”
“He doesn’t get it,” Etho finished. “It has been fun.”
They stayed there for a few extra minutes before heading back out to talk with Skizz and Tango. Their private conversation remained unmentioned. A few hours later, Etho was no longer rooted in a smaller headspace, but the group still decided to stick together for a few extra days.
Of course, things were worked through. Situations explained. Tough topics talked explicitly about. It was good for all four of them, really. Got everyone on the same page.
And when those conversations were over, there were video games to be played, all sorts of competitive challenges.
It was good. It was fun.
Even with the struggle, Impulse wouldn’t trade this life season for the world.