Chapter Text
Felix hummed lowly, the sound resonating from deep within his chest as he let himself drown in the feeling of familiar hands prodding against his arm. His eyes had slipped closed at some point.
“Hm, it doesn’t look too deep—and there’s no sign of any infection.” He could hear the rustling of paper, then the light scrape of something metal. “Shouldn’t be too difficult to sew up. What happened anyway? Did this happen on your way here?”
Felix slowly shook his head, once again letting himself bask in the familiar voice. “No, it happened on a mission. Creature scratched me.”
The hands paused, and Felix let his eyes drift open. Looking to his left, he took in the concerned scrunch of Olivia’s brows and the downturned corners of her lips. Much like a few hours ago, he felt a swell of distressed happiness appear in his chest.
“It’s fine, Liv. We both know if something was going to happen it would have taken effect already.”
The words appeared to do nothing to quell her anxiousness, but she heaved out a heavy sigh and began the delicate process of cleaning the wound. They sat in silence as she worked, simply letting the warmth of each other’s presence fill the void. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there—could have been hours, or just a few minutes—either way, Felix was startled from his trance by the sound of Olivia ripping open a large bandage.
“There,” she started, gently pressing down against the adhesive edges, “that should be good for now. Probably have to change the bandage in the morning, and you should still be careful not to rip the stitches.”
Olivia leaned back in her chair, allowing Felix to roll the sleeve of his shirt back over the wound. They sat in silence for a few more seconds, both staring at the floor.
“Felix, I—” his eyes jumped to her face, catching the barely concealed beginnings of a smile pulling at his sisters lips. “I still can’t believe you’re here.”
Before he could stop himself, Felix was turning in his chair and pulling her into a tight embrace. His arms wrapped around her shoulders, while she awkwardly slid her arms around his torso. The angle wasn’t the best, but the warmth the embrace brought was enough to send any negative thoughts flying from Felix’s brain.
“I can’t either…I’ve missed you so much, Liv.” He whispered the words into her hair, fingers clenching into the fabric of her shirt. “I was beginning to think I would never be able to see you.”
He heard her release a wet sob; it was only then that Felix registered the dampness on his shirt where Olivia’s face was pressed. He could feel a similar dampness on his cheeks.
“After we lost Mom and Dad, Rachel and I never stopped praying for you.” Olivia said, pulling back just enough to look Felix in the eyes, “And then Rachel…”
Felix sucked in a sharp breath, shaking his head, “I—I heard about what happened from Sampson.”
Olivia only nodded, retracting her arms and pushing herself back until she sat back in her original position. There was an unspoken pain marring her expression, but Felix didn’t want to speak it into existence. He hadn’t been here when Rachel died—Olivia had, all alone with only a family friend to help her through the loss.
Only the humming of some machine in the corner filled the silence as they sat. There was a certain level of comfort just being in each other’s presence brought, and Felix tried to let himself drown in that comfort. But the longer they sat, the more his mind began to race, and memories of the previous night assaulted him from all sides. He desperately tried to push the sadness and the betrayal away, but without Olivia’s voice to fill the void, Felix let himself drift.
Felix bit the inside of his cheek as the dorm building finally came into view. He’d let himself turn over Damian’s words while he walked, trying to dissect the strange feeling he’d had right before he left. He was surer of what choice he was going to make, but something in the way Damian spoke made little red flags appear in the forefront of his mind.
Maybe explaining it all to Hyunjin would make everything make more sense, and Felix let himself feel a twinge of excitement to spend some time with his best friend.
He reached out for the door handle as he approached, but the sounds of another hushed conversation on the other side of the door had him stopping in his tracks.
“I just don’t understand why you had to get so mad at me, Chris.” Miranda’s voice was nasally, whiney, and like nails on a chalk board to Felix’s ears. “Is it so bad for me to want to kiss you?”
“I had to play it up,” Ice shot through Felix’s veins at the sound of Chan’s voice, “You know we have to be careful about doing those types of things out in the open.”
Felix’s out stretched hand began to shake. He could see their foggy outlines through the frosted glass, standing just far enough away for Felix not to be able to make out much detail. He took a small step closer, straining his ears as Miranda began to speak again.
“Ugh, how much longer do we have to hide everything? I thought you said you were gonna end things with him a month ago!”
“You know why, Miranda…” The tone in Chan’s voice was the one he used when he felt bad about something, and it was like a dagger in Felix’s chest. “He’s been going through a lot of shit, and I didn’t want to add to that. He at least deserves to know why I wanna end things. We’ve been together for over a year; I can’t just come out and say I’m not in love with him anymore.”
The dagger twisted, and it took everything in Felix’s power not to cry out.
Chan—his boyfriend, the love of his life, the person who chased away the shadow’s when Felix was trapped within them—wasn’t in love with him anymore. Chan didn’t want him.
He wanted Miranda, apparently bad enough that he’s been sneaking around with her for over a month. Felix thought back to the day he told his friends about his family—the way Chan held him all throughout the night and the way they talked about everything the next morning. The phantom sensation of Chan’s arms wrapping around his body while he whispered how much he loved Felix sent shivers down his spine.
Had it all been a lie? How long had it been since Chan stopped loving him? A month? Since they got to Australia? Since Destiny Base? Had Chan ever really loved him?
The thought made every ounce of sadness within him dissipate within an instant, replaced by anger—bright, hot, palpable fury that ignited every fiber of Felix’s being. How dare Chan do this to him; Felix hadn’t felt a lot of non-familial love in his life, and there was always that whispering voice in the back of his mind that swore he didn’t deserve to be loved at all. But Chan had made him believe that everything was possible. Chan made Felix trust in himself and helped him rebuild the trust he had in others. Did his friends know what Chan was doing? Were they just as guilty of the lie? Did they laugh about it while he wasn’t in the room?
Teeth caught the skin of his lower lip, tearing at the flesh until a familiar metallic taste bloomed against his tongue. Felix let his thoughts spiral in chaos, listening while Chan and Miranda cooed and giggled softly to each other on the other side of the door. Without a second thought, Felix wrapped his hand around the door handle and tugged, fully prepared to catch them in the act and save Chan the trouble of ending everything between them.
But as always luck wasn’t on Felix’s side.
The door only opened a fraction of an inch before getting stuck, resulting in the loud screech of metal against the concrete steps. The voices stopped and Felix swore quietly to himself, tugging on the door with both hands in hopes to get it opened before Chan and Miranda had time to run. The cruelty of it all struck him—a single barrier, cold and unyielding, separating him from the ugly truth that festered just out of reach.
By the time Felix was finally able to pry the door open enough to see inside, Chan and Miranda were both already gone. He swore he could still hear them chuckling from somewhere down the hallway, but Felix couldn’t bring himself to chase after their shadows.
‘I can’t just come out and say I’m not in love with him anymore.’
Fat tears began rolling down Felix’s cheeks as he replayed the words over and over again in his brain. The dagger had returned in his chest, twisting and sharp and so, so painful. The burn ebbed and waned across his skin until every sliver of Felix’s existence was consumed by the overwhelming despair those words had caused him. Felix stood in that empty entryway, the aftermath of Miranda’s laughter lingering like toxic smoke—the chill of the concrete creeping up his spine. His hands hung heavily at his sides, the phantom ache of betrayal settling deep in his bones. The memory of Chan’s warmth—the whispered promises, gentle hands, and certain future—felt like a cruel joke, a mask that had slipped to reveal nothing underneath.
He let the silence stretch on, but it brought no comfort. He could have been standing there for hours, letting himself replay Chan and Miranda’s conversation until Felix was left with only the echo of questions he would never get the chance to voice.
There was no possible way at least one of his friends didn’t know what was going on. Chan shared everything with Changbin and Jisung—maybe this explained why the two would give him such pitiful looks across the courtyard. They knew that Chan was postponing breaking Felix’s heart. Felix’s chest tightened around the blade, and the urge to scream, to demand answers, washed over him, but he smothered it with a bitter swallow.
Chan broke his promise to Felix for the final last time.
He stepped back, leaving the half-open door in his wake, and let his feet carry him down the steps and back into the courtyard. The ringing in his ears had faded marginally, replaced by the measured thud of his boots against the concrete.
The doors of the administrative building came into view far too quickly for Felix to even begin talking himself out of what he was about to do. Part of him didn’t care—what did he have to lose anymore? Chan didn’t want him and his friends probably knew what’s been going on the entire time. The quieter, more rational part of his brain was whispering for him to go back to the dorms and at least question someone about what he’d heard.
Felix had always been a creature of emotion—he felt too strongly and sometimes made impulsive decisions.
Maybe that’s why he felt a shred of regret as he threw open the doors to Shackles office, staring down the man on the other side of the desk who simply raised an eyebrow at the blondes sudden presence.
“I want to see my sister.” His voice was steady, surprising himself. Shackles trailed his eyes across Felix’s face, like he was searching for something. “I want to leave tonight. You said you could help me get there, right?”
You’ll die out there.
At least you won’t get your friends killed.
Shackles didn’t say anything, just kept his eyes on Felix while jerking his head toward the corner of the room. Felix turned and saw a small table, a large backpack tucked against one of the legs and a rolled up piece of paper on top. Sitting on the shiny wooden surface was a single key. Everything was fully prepared, like Shackles guessed that Felix would visit him tonight.
“I don’t know what happened to have you make your mind up so quickly, Mr. Lee,” There was something in his voice—something tight and contained—that sent the same confusing shiver as before with Damian down Felix’s spine. It was like they knew something he didn’t. “But a promise is a promise. Olivia’s outpost is marked on the map and the way there is highlighted. The armored car is filled with fuel and should get you there with no problem. You’ll find a handgun and a rifle secured in the vehicle, with plenty of ammunition in case you…run into anything on your way there.”
Felix had turned to grab the pack halfway through Shackles explanation. He flipped the top open, revealing a change of clothes and a few MRE’s stuffed haphazardly within. Apparently the trip wasn’t worth Shackles putting much thought into what he needed, minus the map and vehicle. Felix swiped the key and pushed it into his pocket.
“Felix.”
He stopped with the pack half way on his shoulders, eyes darting toward Shackles. He was standing now, hands pressed against his desk and green eyes flaring with something Felix had never seen before. Shackles had never called him by his first name.
“I don’t think I need to remind you what the world is like beyond that fence. Like I told you earlier, no one knows when their last day is going to be.” He took a few steps around the desk before he leaned back against the wood, arms crossed over his chest. “If once you get to the outpost, you find that your place in this world is with your sister, I wouldn’t blame you if you chose to remain there for a while.”
No one wants you here anymore.
Never come back.
You’re alone. You will always be alone.
Felix felt his brows furrow, uncertainty clawing deep within his chest at the ominous words—whether it was Shackles words or the voices in his head, Felix didn’t know. He remained silent, watching.
“Family is important, Felix.”
“I know that. It’s why I’m going to find the only family I have left.”
Shackles studied him for a moment and Felix felt his skin crawl. “I’m presuming you’ve already told Chirstopher and your other friends where you’re going?”
Felix felt himself flinch at Chan’s name, but he covered it up by hiking the pack further up his shoulders. His hands fell back to his sides, brushing against stiff fabric on his belt loop. Felix’s brain skidded to a halt as he pressed against the spot again, his chest tightened as his fingers fiddled with the object.
“Can I ask you for a favor, Lieutenant Shackles?”
“I suppose?”
“The next time you see…Christopher,” In the moment, saying Chan’s name felt like trying to cough up glass, “can you please give him this? He’ll know what it means.”
Felix’s fingers tightened around the familiar shape—the handle, cool and sturdy in his grip as he drew it free; the blade barely catching the light as he held it out, balanced on his open palm. The day Felix gave Chan the matching blade wasn’t anything magical—Chan needed a knife for something and Felix let him keep it. Chan made a stupid joke about the knives being their first ‘couple item’ or mementos from their time in Korea and it stuck for some reason. Thinking back on it now, Felix felt his heart lurch in his chest.
Would Chan even care if he was gone? Would he look for him?
Shackles seemed confused at first, but reached out regardless and plucked the blade from Felix’s hand. Silence stretched between them until Shackles cleared his throat, setting the knife down behind him on the desk.
“I’ll see what I can do, Mr. Lee.”
Leave, Yongbok. Never come back.
“Felix?”
Olivia’s voice jolted him from the memories, making Felix jump back and knock a roll of bandages off the metal rolling table. His sister’s expression was a mix of concern and confusion as she reached down to pick it up.
“Are you alright? I’ve been calling your name for a minute now.” Her voice trailed off as she reached forward, swiping a thumb softly underneath Felix’s eye; the glide was too easy for his cheeks to be dry. “You—You’re crying?”
Felix shook his head, pressing further into his sister’s palm and giving her a weak smile. “I’m just happy to see you is all.”
Olivia gave him a gentle smile, just a small upward tug of her lips but Felix could see the swirl of shared feelings in her eyes—they reminded Felix so much of their mother. She swiped along his cheek once more before pulling back. “So, how was it in Korea? If…If you don’t mind me asking.”
The question wasn’t surprising, but Felix felt a jolt of apprehension all the same. Before the end of the world when he would talk to his family on the phone, he’d made his time in Korea sound like a dream—his studies were going well, he had friends, joined a dance studio to fill his free time—Felix didn’t want his family to worry. It was hard enough convincing his parent’s to let him go alone, but they eventually relented. He talked about some things with Rachel when things were especially hard, but he still never gave her the full picture.
Felix swallowed around the lump in his throat, “You mean before or after the creatures?”
“Oh, uh,” She hadn’t been expecting the follow up, “B-both? I mean—as long as your comfortable telling me. There are some people at this out post who don’t like to talk about their ‘before’ so….”
“No, it’s alright. It’s just a lot.”
Olivia gave him a look so earnest, and so full of a kind of love Felix hadn’t seen since the last time his family visited him in Korea. The last time he saw his parent’s and Rachel alive. His chest tightened around that dagger once more, and Felix took a shuttering breath; it was then he remembered the absence of familiar weight on his belt loop. Had Shackles already given the blade back to Chan?
Felix told her everything.
He told her about struggling in his classes because of the language barrier. He told her about meeting Dongwoo and being so happy to have finally made a friend who was patient with him and understood his struggles. He told her about the sudden switch—Dongwoo going from someone who poked at Felix as a friend to someone who made his life a living hell. Olivia stayed silent the entire time, but Felix could see the sadness and fury brewing in her eyes while he spoke about the way Dongwoo treated him.
“Part of me was shocked he didn’t leave me to die sooner, you know? He called me weak and helpless and a burden so many times that I wondered why he didn’t just let me go outside when I ran away the first day.”
Flashes of that little girl scared in the street appeared in his mind, soon over taken by the image of her holding so tightly onto Egg when they reunited at Destiny Base. Felix felt himself smile.
He told her about the day Dongwoo left him to die in that hallway. He told her about rotting away in Byungjae’s apartment and becoming a shell of himself, ready to fly away at any given moment. A single tear escaped Olivia’s eye, and it was Felix’s turn to reach forward and wipe it away.
“One day, I finally had enough and went back to my own apartment. I never left the building and lived off whatever I could find. I ended up spending a month like that—until one day, I heard an explosion.”
Olivia’s eyes grew wide, much like they would when they were younger and Rachel would tell them both these amazing stories—shining with innocent wonder, but now lined with years of harrowing survival.
When he told her about the hoard that chased him throughout the streets, Olivia looked terrified and appalled. Felix couldn’t help but chuckle as he pulled up the sleeve of his shirt and showed her the scar from when he fell. A hallow pang resounded in his chest as he looked down at the puckered, silverish skin. He was such a different person back then; it took every ounce of his strength to even tell Chan, Changbin, and Jisung about what he’d been through. Now he was recounting the details to Olivia like it was just another period of his life. His scars no longer ached with every word.
Like his body was finally beginning to let him heal.
“So what happened after you hid in the food stall? Gods that must have been terrifying!”
Felix nodded, dropping his sleeve back into place and rubbing his hands together. “All I remember thinking of was how I was going to die in that tent. I had no way of fighting back, I was injured, and I had no…desire to live that way anymore. I was alone, and had no way of knowing if you, or—or mom and dad, or Rachel were still alive. My only hope was that I would be able to see all of you on the other side.”
Something in the air shifted, like his admission had caused the room to suddenly shrink until every bit of oxygen between them was something precious. Felix’s chest burned slightly—he was holding in a breath, for how long he didn’t know. But if it saved some air for his sister, he would gladly sacrifice everything.
Don’t be a hero.
After a shuttering exhale brought on by shadows playing in the corner of his vision, Felix told her about Hyunjin and Minho. His chest ached for an entirely different reason as he thought of them, hesitant in the beginning but so ready to welcome Felix into their world with open arms. The care in Hyunjin’s eyes had been so obvious as he helped Felix out of the tent, arms wrapped around his waist to keep the weight off his ankle.
They cared for him so much—so why wouldn’t they tell him about Chan and Miranda? Was their love also a lie?
You’re meant to be alone, Yongbok. I’ve always told you that.
Felix shook his head.
“They offered me a place at Stray Base and I accepted. I met…so many amazing people there, it made living with everything that had happened so much easier. I met Seungmin and Jeongin and they all took such good care of me while I recovered.”
Olivia’s smile was beaming. “They really sound like wonderful people, Felix.”
But they hide things from you.
Just like you hide things from them.
You’ve never told them about us.
The voices were burning through his brain, like a sudden and vicious onslaught Felix wasn’t prepared for anymore. He’d grown used to them popping up every now and then, but since last night it seemed more and more like it was in the beginning. They weren’t screaming at him—just whispering lowly in his ears, taking advantage of his heartbroken state and filling his mind with putrid venom.
Felix shook his head again, pushing away the urge to pull his hair and smack himself in the side of the head. Olivia didn’t need to see him like that.
He told her about Stray Base. About the kids and Granny Cha and how everyone did their part to keep everything running smoothly. Felix hesitated for only a moment to push away his pain when the next words rolled through his lips.
“There were three people in charge of Stray Base. Changbin, Jisung, and…and C-Chan.” Much like yesterday, saying his name was like choking on glass, a sharp pain Felix never thought he would feel. “Chan was from Australia too, so he kinda understood the struggles I was going through better than anyone else.”
Olivia seemed excited at the words, asking more questions simply about Chan.
Felix told her everything.
He told her about how Chan seemed so protective of him; Chan never let Changbin be mean to him in the beginning. How when he went on his first mission he had a panic attack and Chan held him so tight, whispering how he was safe and wasn’t going to let Felix go. How sturdy his arms were as he carried Felix all the way back to the base. He told her about the building trust and tension between them, and how Felix thought Chan was the most beautiful human on earth. How easy it was for Felix to give up everything just to be able to see Chan smile.
He told her about finding Youngjo, Hwanwoong, and the kids in the church and being attacked by the hoard. The dagger twisted sharply as he recalled Chan getting hurt protecting Felix, and how he was so sure that Chan had been bitten.
He told her about the kiss they shared in the office. How Felix was so desperate to belong to Chan in every way, shape, and form after he’d been so close to losing him.
Felix watched for Olivia’s reactions, searching for any amount of discomfort or trepidation. All he saw in her expression was open adoration and happiness.
“It sounds like you two were made for each other,” her voice was soft, “I’m thrilled you could find someone like that given the circumstances.”
A sharp pang of sadness swelled in Felix’s gut. He’d thought the same thing after he and Chan got together officially—like they were soulmates connected throughout the lifetimes, always destined to find each other. They were no where near perfect, but they made it work.
Or at least Felix thought they did.
He blinked, the ache of every memory pressing down on him like a metric ton, pushing his gaze toward the floor. It felt strange—how grief could carve itself so deeply and quickly into the heart, transforming any longing into a painful reminder of Chan’s words to Miranda. His love endured, stubborn and relentless and fierce, but it burned, not with warmth, but with a hollow ache that left Felix almost breathless.
He shook his head, a smile that never quite reached his eyes flickering over his lips. “They all mean so much to me, but Chan—Chan was everything I could ever hope for. He was there for me through everything, even when I was at my worst and so desperately wanted to just throw myself into the fire to escape. Chan reminded me there was something worth living for when everything else was unknown. He stayed with me and made room for himself in my heart.”
Olivia’s eyes were bright, but Felix couldn’t quite meet her gaze. “He sounds wonderful,” she said softly.
“He was,” Felix whispered, voice raw and quiet as he caught what he’d said. “H-He is.”
The silence that followed was heavy, filled with the ghosts of all the things he left unsaid. Felix let himself fall into it, letting the pain wash over him, letting the images of Chan sitting on the beach watching Miranda and their child carve their way into his mind.
He’s going to be happier with her.
He’s going to be happier when you’re dead.
“Felix,” Olivia’s voice was laced with confusion, “What do you mean ‘he was’? Did something happen to him?”
Felix drew in a trembling breath, his fingers twisting together painfully in his lap. “It’s not—he’s not dead, if that’s what you’re asking,” he said, the words scraping against the inside of his throat. “But something did happen.”
Olivia’s brows furrowed together, a silent queue for him to continue.
He let out a brittle, humorless laugh and pressed his knuckles to his mouth, as if he could keep everything from spilling out. “It’s so stupid really. We went on a mission to rescue a recon team—Chan’s dad and sister were a part of it. We got them back, safe and sound and when we were walking back to the dorms, Miranda was waiting for Chan.”
Felix’s voice faltered, his gaze turning distant, as if the memory itself was too sharp, too real. “Before I knew what was happening she ran up and just kissed him. She knew we were together and she still did it. Chan pushed her away and everything but he hesitated. And then later in the night I heard them talking and Chan said he didn’t love me anymore and Miranda needed to be more careful about what she did with other people around…”
Felix paused to look at his sister. Olivia’s face had gone pale, the color draining so fast the freckles that mirrored Felix’s own shined on her skin like beacons. She stared at Felix, lips parted, eyes wide and unblinking. For a moment, her breath seemed to vanish along with her composure.
“Miranda?” she echoed, the syllables barely more than a whisper, as if saying the name aloud might shake the walls of the outpost.
Felix frowned, confusion sharpening to concern. “Olivia? What’s wrong?” he asked, pushing himself upright, searching her expression for some sort of clue.
But Olivia only shook her head, a wild flicker of panic crossing her features. Without any warning, she stood and grabbed his arm, her grip surprisingly strong despite her obviously trembling fingers.
“Olivia, wait—what are you—?”
She didn’t answer, pulling Felix to his feet, urgency thrumming in every motion as she tugged him through the doorway. The outpost’s corridors seemed to narrow as Olivia guided Felix through them, her pace relentless. Felix stumbled after her, his questions lost in the rush of adrenaline and the echoing sound of their footsteps.
“Olivia, what is it? Why did you—what’s going on?”
But Olivia only tightened her hold, jaw set, eyes darting anxiously from doorway to doorway. Whatever she knew—or remembered—when he’d spoken Miranda’s name, it was enough to override every other word that had passed between them. And as she led him deeper into the maze of the outpost, Felix felt the chill of new uncertainty coil in his chest.
Olivia must have taken him through half a dozen different doors, searching for something Felix couldn’t even begin to guess. She stopped them finally in front of an unassuming, tattered green curtain; Felix could hear the sounds of something shuffling around on the other side. With no hesitation, she swiped the curtain back, revealing a small room filled with cluttered shelves. Standing in the middle of it all, was a young man who looked surprised by their sudden appearance.
“Olivia? What’s going on?” His voice was littered with confusion as he took a step forward, bringing himself further into the dim overhead light. “I thought you were helping your brother? Is that him?”
Felix blinked. Shock flowed freely through his veins while he studied the man—long dark hair pushed back with a head band and features so familiar it threw Felix off balance. He took a step back as far as he could with Olivia’s grip still tight on his wrist.
“Uh, why is he staring at me like that?”
The question was so innocent, but enough to pull Felix out of his mind long enough to stutter out, “I—I’m sorry, you just…just look like someone I know.”
The young man just tilted his head and shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “I mean, you came from the main base, right? You might have seen my dad or my sister, Hannah. Been told we all look super alike.”
Felix already knew who the boy was, but hearing it confirmed sent a spark of happiness thrumming throughout his system. This was Chan’s younger brother—Lucas, if he recalled correctly. Chan was always so excited whenever he heard any news relating to his brother, and spoke so fondly of him. Next to getting his father and sister back, being able to talk to Lucas was one of the things Chan had wished for the most since returning to Australia.
“I uh,” Felix swallowed the lump that’d formed in his throat, “I’ve actually only seen them in passing but…I know—I know, Chan—Chris, I know Chris.”
The smile on Lucas’s face drops for just a moment, like he was processing the words Felix said. But within the next moment, a larger, brighter smile took over his face and Lucas took another step forward. “S-Seriously? Does—Does that mean Chris is at the main base too?? He’s in Australia?”
Felix can’t help but return the smile, though smaller and filled with exhaustion. “Yeah, he’s there. We came from Korea together, along with a bunch of other people.”
Lucas’s eyes gleamed with thousands of unasked questions, and for a moment Felix let himself forget everything that had happened. He let himself forget the memory of Miranda kissing Chan. Let himself forget the way Chan’s voice held no hesitation as he said he didn’t love Felix anymore. He let himself forget, and just existed in the moment. He was with his little sister and Chan’s little brother. They were both safe, and Felix let that be enough.
“I’m really happy that you know your brother’s alive now, Lucas but we have a problem.” Olivia’s voice was tight, veering on the edge of panic, “Felix said Miranda is at the main base.”
All happiness instantly drained from Lucas’s expression. His wide eyes mirrored the horror Olivia’s had held when Felix mentioned Miranda earlier. They didn’t speak passed what Olivia said, and Felix finally voiced his confusion.
“What is going on? Why’re you two acting like Miranda being at the main base is the end of the world?”
The two shared a short look before Lucas let out a shuttering breath and ran his hands through his hair. “Because it would be.”
Felix felt his brows furrow, “What are you talking about?”
Olivia’s hands trembled as she pressed them together, her voice quivering but urgent. “Felix, Miranda—she’s supposed to be dead.”
The words seemed to explode in the stillness, reverberating off the metal walls and crashing around them. Felix felt an icy shiver crawl down his spine, his heart hammering so hard it drowned out everything else. He stared at Lucas and Olivia, searching their faces for any hint of a joke, a misunderstanding—anything but the raw fear reflected in their eyes.
"Wait," Felix breathed, his voice ragged. "S-Supposed to be dead? What are you saying? I saw her just before I left—what in the world are you talking about?”
Olivia’s voice was steady, but Felix could recognize the tilt caught between disbelief and terror. "Miranda is supposed to be dead, Felix. I saw her body—I saw what had become of her, there is no possible way. She can’t. Be. There.”
Felix’s mind reeled, fragments of memory slamming together in a desperate attempt to piece together the truth. Miranda’s antagonizing laughter echoing in the corridor, the touch of her hand on Chan’s shoulder, the glimmer of chaos in her gaze—all now tainted by dread. It was impossible; Olivia and Lucas had to be confusing her for someone else.
He drew in a shaky breath, every muscle in his body wound tight. The dagger in his chest twisted again. "Olivia, if this is some kind of cruel joke because of what I told you—”
“She’s telling the truth, Felix.” Lucas said, just above a whisper.
Silence pressed in, suffocating and absolute. The air seemed to grow heavier, thick and dangerous, like it was trying to forbid them to speak any further. Somewhere, just beyond the realm of possibility, Felix’s mind came up with an answer—dark, morbid, and ready to change everything.
“Tell me what happened then.”
Olivia heaved out a long sigh and turned toward Felix, crossing her arms over her chest as she bore her eyes into his.
“Over a year ago, Miranda and a few other people were exiled from the main base for killing four people in the supply depot. Commander Stranz sent them to this like, make-shift prison in the outback after they all—well, they all essentially confessed to doing it from what I was told. Stranz asked her why and Miranda never told him, so he sent them away to protect everyone at the base.”
There was a pause for her to take a deep breath, but Lucas was the one to continue the story. “It bothered Stranz for weeks—not knowing why or what drove them to kill innocent people. There were rumors that Miranda and her people were doing drugs in the depot and the victims found their stash while they were working, but it was never confirmed.”
“Regardless,” Olivia started, her tone sharp, “Stranz finally decided he wanted answers so…he decided to go get them. Rachel and I went with him, along with Lucas’s dad; he said we were the only ones he could seem to trust. We drove out just after sunrise. It’s the outback so there’s obviously nothing for miles but this place—Stranz called it a make-shift prison but all it was was a few sheds and a water pump with a razor wire fence around it. Even before we got close it was easy to see that something was wrong. There were no people—it was silent.”
Felix’s heart hammered; he pictured the scene as she spoke, the grainy outlines sharpening as each detail fell into place.
“When we finally got to the fence line, we could see exactly what happened—the gate was opened and everyone who had been exiled was torn apart. We found Miranda inside one of the sheds…she looked like she’d tried to get away but...but there was a hole in her stomach and even someone with no medical training could tell there were vital organs missing. Stranz had Rachel confirm everyone was dead, and…Felix, Miranda was dead! Her stomach was ripped open; there’s no possible way she—”
Felix shook his head in disbelief, his gaze darting between Olivia and Lucas, desperate for any kind of flaw in their words, some miniscule detail that would shatter the entire saga. But Olivia’s hands trembled where they clung to her arms, and Lucas’s expression bore a level of seriousness that rivaled Chan’s.
Gods Felix missed him already.
“You’re saying—” Felix’s own voice sounded strange, like he was speaking through a pound of cotton, “You’re saying she’s dead. You saw her. Rachel confirmed it. But—” His mind spun, tripping over the impossibility of it all. “So how is she at the main base? How is she—?” His throat closed, unable to finish the thought.
“After we left the outback, Stranz sent me here to work with Lucas while he, Lucas’s dad, and Rachel returned to the main base. I heard a few months later Stranz went missing and teams were being sent out to look for any clues. Rachel—Her team was sent out and that’s when—”
Felix held his hand up to stop her, “Please don’t finish that statement, Liv.”
“Felix, I understand that what we are saying may sound totally insane,” Lucas took a step back, casting half his face in shadows as he turned away, “but it’s true. Miranda is dead—she has been for a while.”
“Then how do you explain the last four months?!” Felix didn’t mean for his voice to be as loud as it was. Olivia’s eyes widened and Lucas turned to stare back at him, shock reflecting so prevalent in those eyes that they looked so much like Chan’s. “How do you explain the way I’ve watched her hang all over Chan? The way she’s actively tried to remove me from his life! I watched her throw herself at the man I love and then—”
Felix stopped himself as the sting of tears burned his eyes, hands trembling while he attempted to destroy the emotions before they became too much. The words alone were enough to send his heart into a spiral; saying he still loved Chan even after hearing those words come from Chan’s mouth. It hurt—the pain one four letter word caused was worse than being impaled, worse than any scar or wound Felix had received over the years, worse than the pain he endured during his month alone in that apartment.
Olivia and Lucas didn’t say anything after the outburst, choosing to send each other short, worried glances rather than speaking. Felix felt his shoulders hunch in embarrassment.
“I’m telling you both...” he whispered, though the trembling in his voice was clear as day, “Miranda is alive and at the base. Radio there and ask anyone, they’ll tell you the same thing.”
“Felix, I—I don’t...it’s not—” Olivia started, but was cut off by Lucas stepping forward and grabbing onto her arm.
“What if...” Felix had to strain his ears to hear Lucas’s next whispered words, “What if he’s right? What if she is at the main base?”
Felix felt the thrumming pain in his chest wane, temporarily replaced by surprise and a spark of anger. What made Lucas suddenly come to his senses? “She is.”
Lucas ignored his words, eyes solely focused on Olivia. “You know Michaela and I have been working on this theory, Liv. What if—what if Miranda being at the base only supports that theory?”
Olivia’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment it appeared to Felix she was going to yell at Lucas. But then her brows shot up, disappearing below her bangs and her jaw dropped open. Felix looked between them, fully aware there was a silent conversation going on between the two. The small clock on the wall filled the silence with audible ‘ticks’ and each one made the hair on Felix’s arms stand on end.
“Can one of you explain what this theory is?” By the way the two jumped, one would have thought Felix caught them in the middle of doing something bad. It was Felix’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “Please?”
The two exchanged one more look before lurching forward, each wrapping a hand around Felix’s wrists and tugging him back through the curtain. Felix didn’t bother trying to get answers from the pair while they weaved through multiple hallways; part of him (not the part that was tired of getting dragged around the outpost) knew he would get an answer whenever they arrived where they were going.
And where they were going ended up being a stark white room, hidden behind a large metal door. The room looked much like those laboratories Felix would see in movies, with large steel tables and areas quarantined off by thick planes of glass. Jars filled with fluids of all colors sat on shelves that lined the room, machines ‘whirred’ and ‘beeped’ while completing tasks that Felix never thought he would see in person. The grips on his wrists loosened as the heavy door was shut behind them.
The stark contrast between this room and the rest of the outpost was almost enough to give Felix a sense of whiplash.
“What...What is this place—”
The words died on his tongue as Felix focused his gaze into one of the quarantined rooms and felt bile rise in his throat, color drain from his cheeks, his stomach fell to the floor.
Inside the small room was another steel table, surrounded by several rolling carts and a large portable light. The white walls matched the rest of the room, but the floor was covered in smears of black, viscous liquid. There was a pile of towels thrown carelessly in the corner, covered in the same black substance. The room in itself was something capable of sending shivers down Felix’s spine, but it was what was on the table that would haunt his dreams.
Its mouth was stretched open in a forever silent scream, eyelids peeled back to reveal cloudy, soulless eyes staring into nothing. Its chest was pulled open, rotted organs and muscle exposed to the room like some kind of twisted display. The gray skin was surprisingly intact, but Felix knew if he were to give the slightest push, the skin would slip like plastic over mush. The lithe body seemed so familiar even if Felix had only seen it one time.
One of Felix’s hunting knives was still lodged into its skull.
Felix took a staggering step back, away from the scene. “H-How—why is that thing here?”
“...We had it brought here after the mission was done.” Lucas murmured, like he was weary of the way Felix responded. “After missions are completed, we get notified of any Evolved creatures or unexplainable happenings so we can investigate them. We never get told any details, just that we have a body on the way.”
Felix’s heart was beating at a thunderous pace, surely threatening to beat straight out of his chest. His throat was tight, and he couldn’t rip his eyes away from the sight in front of him.
“W-what do you mean investigate them? If that thing is here does that mean—”
Felix didn’t need to finish his question. Olivia had taken his hand in a gentle hold and pulled him down the line of separated rooms. Some were empty, some were filled with boxes, one must have housed another creature not long ago based on the carts and stained sheet covering the table. When Olivia stopped them in front of the farthest room, it took everything in Felix’s power not to look away.
While the room was cleaner than the first, the severed head of a hulking Evolved sat perched on the table like a morbid trophy. Gray and blotchy skin had slipped from the bone and surrounded the head in a sick puddle. Its eyes were thankfully closed, but its lips were slack and exposing rotten teeth and gums.
Felix stared at the creature, mind endlessly racing as he tried to remember the three he and Chan had killed only two days ago. He wasn’t sure why he was trying so hard to remember the creature; the decay and rot made them all indistinguishable from the other.
“This place isn’t just a medical training outpost, Felix.” Olivia started, squeezing Felix’s hand tight, “Commander Stranz was a good leader and did everything to keep us safe, but...he was also paranoid about multiple things. He wanted research done on the creatures but didn’t want certain people finding out that it was happening, so he created this space—to everyone else it's a medical training outpost, but to us and a few others at the base, it’s primarily used for research.”
“Research? For what, exactly?”
“To try and find out what started everything.” Lucas said, eyes glued to the head on the table, “To understand what’s making them evolve and seeing if we can—if we can help in any way to develop a cure or vaccine to stop people from turning.”
Felix sighed and glanced down at his sister's hand still wrapped around his. A secret research facility disguised as a medical outpost? He could wrap his brain around that and believe it; crazier things have happened since the creatures appeared. What he couldn’t fathom was—
“I understand why you all would want to show this to me, but what does it have to do with Miranda being alive when she’s allegedly supposed to be dead?”
“Well, that’s where it gets a bit more...complicated?” Lucas turned away from the gruesome sight before them and slid onto a metal chair. He grabbed a battered notebook and began flipping through the pages while speaking.
“Part of our research is to understand why the creatures evolve the way they do and what caused them to evolve in the first place. Admittedly, we’ve only ever seen the larger kind brought in once or twice and the test specimens we get from them don’t last long because of the rapid internal and external decomposition the virus causes.”
He must have found what he was looking for in the notebook, because he quickly turned it around for Felix and Olivia to read over.
“The small one over there? It’s the first time we’ve even heard of there being more than one type of Evolved, let alone getting to see one. The rate of external decomposition is significantly less than the Evolved we’re used to seeing, but the internal rate is only a small fraction less. It’s crazy—Michaela was able to estimate the large Evolved had been turned for maybe six or seven months, but the small one? She said it’s probably from the first wave! Over two years ago!”
Felix studied the notebook, reading over each paragraph with diligence and letting his eyes scan the (slightly) morbid drawings scribbled into the margins. The writings encompassed the general idea that the virus originated somewhere in a hot climate, as the creatures seemed more active and ferocious during the warmer months. They didn’t know how it all started, but scientists still working in the American and European governments have traced it back toward Asia or Australia. The information was captivating, though completely terrifying at the same time.
For so long Felix wondered why this all started, what caused the creatures to exist? What was the reason for all the death and bloodshed? For families and loved ones to be ripped apart? For his parents and his sister to be taken from the world? For Chan’s mom to be taken? His friends to lose their families? Everyone at Stray Base that they lost—why did it have to happen?
“Lix? Are you alright?”
Olivia’s voice broke through the wall of thoughts, sending words careening around his skull like bricks. Pain bloomed behind his eyes, like the precursor that used to alert him to the voices. Sometimes the pain was dull—much like that moment—and the voices would appear within minutes. Sometimes it was sharp and sudden; all encompassing. There were mere seconds of silence in those times.
“I-I’m fine.” He managed to mumble out, gripping the edge of the steal table. “So, what you’re getting at is there is more than one type of Evolved?”
Lucas nodded, shrugging one shoulder, “Pretty much.”
“And this pertains to Miranda...how?”
Lucas heaved out another long sigh before reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. The simple action shows so much of Chan, and Felix desperately tried to push away the longing in his heart.
“It pertains to Miranda because it follows our basic theory and then…grows into chaos.”
Felix raised an eyebrow, silently motioning for Lucas to continue.
“With this small Evolved being killed, we now have two distinct types of Evolved that we know of—each show completely unique characteristics and abilities, and we can prove the virus in the new Evolved is working at a different decomposition rate.”
A sudden burst of irritation erupts from Felix’s chest, “Yes, you’ve made that clear.”
“So, what if there are more varieties? What if there are more types of Evolved that have even more abilities and an even slower rate of decomposition?”
All at once, Lucas’s theory becomes clear in Felix’s mind. An Evolved creature with a slower rate of decay, different abilities than the larger creatures hive mentality and the smaller creatures speed and strength. Felix lets his eyes slowly drift toward the first room, where the dead creature lay with its gray skin pulled open.
“Lucas...You cannot be suggesting that—” The words sounded ridiculous when he spoke them aloud. Even the mere thought had Felix almost laughing. The looks on Olivia and Lucas’s face had him holding it in.
“It’s just a theory, but what other explanation do we have? Miranda was dead, Felix. Confirmed dead by two of your family members with a huge hole in her stomach. Now you’re saying she’s miraculously alive and well at the base?”
Felix let the information soak into his brain, every neuron firing and connecting with painful sparks. His skull suddenly felt far too small, and his arms felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. The grip he held on the table tightened, and Felix blew a slow, steady exhale through his lips. The ache in his head intensified.
“I don’t mean to sound rude, Lucas,” his words were strained, pushed out from the tightening in his chest, “but don’t these types of theories usually need some kind of supporting evidence?”
“Yes, but Lix,” Olivia rounded the table to stand next to Lucas, “I’m telling you I know what I saw—I know what Rachel saw. Miranda was dead with her stomach ripped open and you’re saying she’s at the base. Supporting evidence or not I know what I saw.”
The pain in his head spread from behind his eyes to the back of his head and Felix bit the inside of his cheek to suppress the groan from leaving his throat.
“I-It’s not that I don’t...don’t understand what you both are saying,” Felix was practically hissing the words through clenched teeth now, “but that would mean the creatures can Evolve to the point of retaining cognitive thought and speech and—and blending in with normal people and—gods would they still need to—Miranda kissed Chan—how would any of that be possible?”
Olivia and Lucas didn’t offer any answers, opting instead to send each other a short glance filled with concern. Felix was partially grateful they didn’t look at him; if he saw the pity laced in their eyes, he wasn’t sure what it would do to his already spiraling mind. Another sharp spike of pain speared directly through the center of his skull and Felix felt the first shreds of absolute terror forming in his gut.
“What happened after Stranz went missing? You said teams were sent out to investigate—something must have happened between that time and Miranda returning to the base.”
Olivia’s expression turned contemplative, fingers drumming against the steel table. After another moment of silence, she said, “After Stranz sent me here, I only caught bits and pieces of information through Michaela. I know he went missing a few months after I got here and the teams started getting sent out a week or so later.”
“Do you know how he disappeared?” Felix asked.
Olivia shook her head. “Not specifics...just that he was there one day and gone the next.”
“But obviously someone had a clue because they were sending teams out to look for him.”
Olivia’s eyes went wide with shock, like she hadn’t thought about it before. Her head whipped between Lucas and Felix, mouth hanging open. The hand against the table stopped tapping and Felix could see the slightest tremble in her fingers.
“Who was giving the order to send the teams out?”
There was a sudden, reverberating ‘BANG’ from outside the door, the force causing several beakers and jars against the wall to shake and slosh the liquids inside. All three jumped up, eyes glued to the door as the heavy handle began to shake. Instinctively Felix reached for the knife on his belt, his stomach dropping when he felt nothing there. His hand groped along his waistline in case the blade had shifted but only felt the rough fabric of his jeans. Memories of handing the blade to Shackles appeared in his mind, sending a short-lived pang of sadness through his heart.
Pushing the feeling aside Felix brought his hands up, fully prepared to fight whoever or whatever was on the other side of the door. More memories of sparring with Chan and Minho in the basement of Stray Base funneled through his brain. His head gave a dull throb, and his hands began to shake.
There was a sense of panic brewing in his chest that Felix hadn’t felt in a long time. It was different than what he felt on missions—an anxiety that swirled low in his stomach at the mere thought of facing the creatures. Different than when he was presented with something unknown or something he couldn’t process entirely. It was the same type of panic he felt when Dongwoo abandoned him—the same all-encompassing terror he’d felt when Stray Base was destroyed. The white-hot flashes of fear coursed throughout his entire system. This level of panic was something almost foreign to him now.
That fact alone was enough to send more panic through him. When did he become so desensitized?
You’re becoming just like me, Yongbok.
So prepared to kill at the first opportunity.
Dongwoo’s mocking voice along with another jolt of pain in his skull had Felix staggering, knees buckling where he stood and almost sending him to the ground. He heard Olivia give a startled shout of his name between the intermittent ringing in his ears.
The banging on the door stopped and they were thrown into silence. Despite his struggle Felix kept his hands raised and ready, Olivia’s voice acting as a reminder that he had people there he needed to protect from whatever threat there was. Another silent moment passed before there was a quiet ‘click’ of the handle turning and the door being pushed open. Felix braced himself as much as he could, prepared to launch into what was surely a fight.
“Shackles.”
The single word floated through the widening threshold, a mere moment before the door was thrown the rest of the way open and hitting the wall with a resounding ‘thud’. More panic spiraled through Felix’s heart as he watched bottles and jars almost fall off the shelves, but his attention was instantly drawn back to the threshold.
Where he half expected to see a creature lurking, stood a woman. Her long, brown hair was pulled back into a bun, revealing ears sparkling with multiple studs and hoops. Her black tee shirt was tucked into a pair of black tactical pants and scuffed boots adorned her feet. Her lips were pulled down in a half scowl and her eyes were narrowed on Felix, assessing his posture and boring holes through his skin.
A sudden movement at her side broke Felix’s attention from the woman to the lurking ball of orange fur settled at her side. Felix had heard about wild Australian cats throughout his childhood, but he’d never seen one in person. The cat was large—easily twice the size of a normal cat—with beady, dark eyes focused on nothing but Felix. Its posture was poised to jump, like it was just waiting for the woman to give the command.
“Michaela!” Olivia sounded relieved yet drained, “Why were you pounding on the door?”
The woman shrugged one shoulder, never breaking her gaze on Felix. “Couldn’t get the door open. Heard someone I didn’t recognize talking in here.”
Felix let himself relax slightly; Olivia and Lucas had mentioned the name Michaela numerous times since he’d been at the outpost but he never thought he would actually get to meet her. She was a frankly terrifying woman, easily towering over Felix with her height.
“Who is this?” Michaela asked, gesturing to Felix with her chin. The cat at her side gave a low growl.
“This is my brother, Felix.” Olivia rounded the table to stand at his side. “He came from the main base.”
“Any particular reason he’s inside the lab?” Her expression had somewhat relaxed, but her brows were still furrowed. Anyone could tell she didn’t trust Felix, but he was an outsider to their post. “Who sent you here?”
“Shackles.” Felix replied, using the same sharp tone she had upon her entry, “Shackles told me Olivia was here.”
Michaela hummed low in her throat, “I see.”
“W-Why did you say his name before you came in here?” The tremble in his voice did not go unnoticed as the cat took a slow step in his direction. Michaela reached out and placed her hand along the cats spine, petting downward and along its tail. The beast instantly relaxed, curling against her leg.
Michaela chuckled, “Just answering your question.”
Felix raised a brow and threw a quick look at his sister. “What question?”
“About who was sending the teams out to search for Commander Stranz. After he disappeared, Shackles took over his position as acting commander, the little fucking snake.” The insult flew out of her mouth without hesitation, and Felix decided in that moment he liked her. “He wormed his way close to Stranz as soon as he got to the base, but Stranz saw right through him. Kept him close, but still at enough of a distance to keep secrets.”
She gestured vaguely to the room around them as she said ‘secrets’.
From the corner of his vision Felix saw Lucas step around the table, one hand trailing along the surface as he asked, “How do you know all that? You’ve been here longer than any of us.”
A mischievous glint appeared in Michaela’s eyes, her hand pausing on the cats fur while he spoke, “Just because I’ve been here doesn’t mean I don’t have my own contacts still inside the base, Lucas.”
Felix felt a shiver roll up his spine.
“Then—Then you know, right?” The tightening in his chest had loosened marginally, but the words still sounded squeaky as Felix spoke them, “You know what’s happening there?”
“My informant has…told me some things, yes. Reports of strange happenings, sightings, and such.”
Lucas leaned in, voice low and urgent as his eyes flicked between Michaela and Felix, “What do you mean?”
Michaela’s lips twitched, teetering between a smirk and something more somber. The cat, sensing the shift, flicked its tail across her ankle. “Just that I don’t think Shackles sending Felix here was just because he wanted to help you find your sister.”
Felix studied her, searching for any trace of deception. He didn’t find any. “What else do you know?”
“Things,” Michaela confirmed, her gaze turning sharp. “Things that, if they’re true, mean that I highly suggest we try and get in touch with my contact,” she paused, her hand unconsciously tightening in the cat’s fur, “as soon as possible.”
The underlying urgency in her words was clear as day, sending a renewed sense of panic and anxiety spiraling through Felix. A thousand possibilities rushed throughout his mind; Michaela spoke like she knew for certain what was going on at the main base, and that scared Felix more than it should.
For a long moment, no one spoke. The only sound was the gentle, rhythmic purring at Michaela’s feet.