Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Flying usually calmed Ben’s nerves.

Being in hyperspace usually quieted the roaring between his ears and soothed the rigidness of his muscles. That wasn’t the case right now.

Every time he closed his eyes he could see it.

It was so vivid and his heart hadn’t calmed down at all. It was still rampaging in his chest, his sternum aching from a mixture of anxiety, grief and adrenaline.

He couldn’t get the image of his Uncle Luke standing above him. Eyes deranged and manic as he held his lightsaber, ready to attack. The green glow of his blade lighting up the once peaceful hut would’ve been the last thing Ben ever saw.

Thankfully he was still alive. The glow of his Uncle’s lightsaber and feeling of betrayal and sorrow won’t be the last things he feels as he dies. He still doesn’t know exactly how he fought off his Uncle. All he remembers is summoning his own lightsaber and blocking Luke.

Then he brought down the hut and everything got a little fuzzy.

Now he’s in his ship and he has no idea where he’s going. GeeGee keeps looking at him and Ben can feel the droid’s worry and it causes guilt to swirl in his stomach. He can’t tell GeeGee what happened, the droid will try to help him and call his family.

Ben can’t face his family.

He can’t look them in the eye now that he knows what they all think of him.

He felt what Luke was thinking as he stood over him. He knows his Uncle thinks he will be responsible for destroying the galaxy. His Uncle thinks he’s a monster with too much rage and raw power inside him. He thinks he’s dangerous and irredeemable.

It almost makes Ben laugh (cry).

His Uncle who nearly died redeeming Ben’s Grandfather, the most feared and dangerous man the universe has ever seen, thought he was irredeemable.

His Uncle who was always there for him and was always so gentle with him. Ben remembers how caring his Uncle was to him, how coddling the man could be. Everyone treated Ben like he was something precious but Luke always made sure Ben knew how important he was to the older Jedi.

Luke used to always encourage Ben’s natural Force strength and talent. Always complimenting his skill with his lightsaber and Ben’s gift of empathetic powers. Ben had so many warm and happy memories with his Uncle, like the first time he fixed a droid or worked on a speeder.

Ben felt his eyes sting as he realized it was all over now. He’d never feel the warmth he felt when Luke told him how good of a job he did, he wouldn’t feel his Uncle's proud eyes when he bested his fellow padawans or successfully completed a mission. He wouldn’t feel the comforting hand on his shoulder or the playful ruffling of his hair.

Ben shifted in the pilot chair of the Grimtaash and hastily rubbed at his eyes.

He tried to ignore the rising feeling of hate. Deep down he’s always resented Luke, just a little. Ben remembers when Luke’s attitude towards him started changing. Instead of pride there was worry and instead of compliments there was criticism.

Ben had always resented and loathed the Jedi and all their ridiculous politics and codes. He hated being away from his loved ones and hated the limits placed on him.

He hated being told to control himself, like he was some animal. He hated feeling ashamed for his Force given gifts, he didn’t ask to be born supercharged and with a short fuse. He’s tried to get better at control and to practice patience.

He hadn’t felt this lost in awhile, he’d never experienced such pain. He felt so alone and abandoned. What should he do? Where is he going to go?

He can’t return to the temple and he’s almost positive his Uncle had contacted his mother by now. He’s almost positive she’s been informed of how evil and horrible Luke thinks he is and even if he hadn’t Ben knew his mother must have felt what had happened through the Force. His mother and Uncle have always shared a deep and powerful Force bond.

He couldn’t stomach seeing the look of disappointment on his mother’s face. For her to know that all her fears, concerns and agony had been for a reason. He couldn’t handle knowing that she’d been right to doubt and worry about him.

Thinking back on all the arguments his parents had and how they’d always been about him worsened the feelings of guilt Ben had.

He remembers how his father would practically ignore all his mother’s concerns, how he’d shout “He’s just a kid Leia! Let him be a kid! It’s normal to have emotions!”. Ben remembers sitting with Chewie and burying his face in his soft fur as the yelling got louder and louder.

He remembers how his father would look so defeated when he stormed out of their house and how tightly he’d embrace Ben as he said goodbye and promised he’d be back soon.

Han always returned and his mother would always be so overjoyed to see him and they’d be happy until they weren’t.

Ben cherished the happy memories the most.

The memories of being surrounded by his family. Of being hoisted in the air by Chewie, receiving rare sweets and gifts from Lando and Maz. He always felt better around and more understood by his non-biological family.

Luke would always try to maintain peace with Ben’s parents. Ben could tell it was hard for him, seeing as Leia was his beloved twin sister and Han was his best friend. ‘Don’t think of Uncle Luke right now idiot!’ Ben thought to himself.

‘Where else can I go?’

He can’t go to Lando. Lando would welcome him with open arms and provide safety and understanding, but he’d ultimately call for his mother and inform her that he’s with him.

Aunt Maz could be a safe bet but the wise woman would find ways to trick him back to his family. She held too much intelligence and emotional power in her small frame.

‘Come to me’

Ben flinched as a voice whispered in his ear. He’d been dealing with this invader for his entire life and sometimes they still got the better of him. Ben used to think the voice was his friend but after years of having the voice try to get him to hurt others or hate his family and friends Ben learned to not be so trusting.

‘I can help you reach your full potential. I won’t make you feel shame or try to make you hide who you are’

‘No’

Pain flared in his head as he resisted the phantom. Even though it was excruciating and caused his vision to go blurry…he could take it.

It was tempting.

He did want to grow stronger, not live in fear of himself and his abilities. But he was done with being controlled.

Ben had been dealing with this entity for his entire life. Every time he’d hide from his parent’s arguments, it was there. When other children would tease him or spread rumors and lies about him, it was there. Whenever he felt completely isolated, like a mistake, useless, like he’d never find help or guidance…it was there.

However, someone else was always there. His best friend in the whole galaxy, the light at the end of his tunnel and the sweet voice in his head that replaced all tension and sorrow.

Ben knew what a true friend would say and how they would act around you. The turning point had been when the voice insinuated that Ben was being betrayed by the most special person in his life. That he was being used and that he didn’t really mean anything to the other.

Ben knew then it wasn’t true. That he was being deceived and made a fool of.

How could he ever be betrayed by his love? How could that thought ever be true? How did the voice think for one second that out of everyone in his life that Ben would be betrayed by the one who had his heart?

Ben’s thoughts were interrupted by the ship notifying him that he was close to a planet. He looked at his star chart and saw Yavin.

He didn’t think his heart could handle anymore pain. He couldn’t bear the thought of landing on the familiar field and running up the familiar path to his second home. He was too weak to resist the call to his beloved, to his Poe.

Poe who means more to Ben than the whole galaxy.

Poe’s so kind, charismatic and warm. He’s so loving and funny and everything else that’s wonderful. Ben thinks Poe is the closest thing to an Angel, he’s something pure and special. Poe outshines all the suns and stars in the sky.

Ben could hardly remember a time where Poe wasn’t in his life and by his side and he definitely couldn’t remember a time he wasn’t absolutely enamored with him. As children the two of them spent hours running in the fields and jungles around Poe’s house or the polished hallways and spacious balconies of Ben’s summer home in Naboo.

Ben remembered how much he admired the older boy and how much he enjoyed listening to his stories and dreams of being a pilot like his mother. He remembers growing up alongside Poe and watching his sweet boyish charm and playful eyes he had melt into a chiseled face with a strong jaw and roguish smile to match his intense eyes.

Ben was completely besotted with Poe and it became slightly too embarrassing for him when he reached puberty and his empathetic powers would go absolutely haywire whenever he was around the other boy. Poe was three years older than him and painfully out of his league.

Ben suffered in silence as the other boy was apparently oblivious to his feelings. Poe would always hug and be near the other boy, he’d whisper his jokes into his ears and drag him off into abandoned hallways to just be alone. Normal things for best friends to do and torture for the young Jedi who desperately wanted to be more than just best friends.

Ben held all the memories involving Poe close to his heart. When things truly got terrible and he felt like the world was against him he could escape to the warm moments in his mind. His favorite involved Poe and him climbing the Force tree that was in Poe’s backyard.

He could always rely on Poe and Poe could count on him. Sometimes it felt like they could communicate telepathically and neither had to worry about being misunderstood. Ben remembers how Poe held him close the day he was sent to the Temple. How he promised him he’d be right here waiting for him and home was only ever a holocall away.

Poe never tried to control Ben. If anything, the other boy just wanted to understand him. Poe didn’t mind Ben’s prickly attitude, he didn’t mind his tantrums or outbursts. Poe was always so steady and kind to him.

Ben knows that Poe is a rarity in the galaxy. A truly good person who just wants to help others. Ben has tried to give back all the love Poe has given him and more.

Ben remembers how Poe ran off when his mother died and Ben remembers the way his heart all but shattered when Poe came to say goodbye. Ben hadn’t known it was goodbye at the time, but he sensed the deep sorrow and anger in his friend, he felt his conflict and tried his hardest to be there for him.

Ben had been so happy when he felt Poe’s presence on Ossus and had sneaked out of his hut to meet Poe in their usual place. Ben grew worried as he approached the other boy and felt the intense feeling of conflict within him.

It was a dark night, both moons being new and only the stars illuminated the forest. Ben walked the familiar path and he felt his link to Poe grow stronger and stronger with each step.

Ben had been incredibly worried about Poe the past few months. He remembers how fragile Poe looked when his mother died. How he all but collapsed into Ben’s arms after the funeral. He can still feel the ache in his back from how tight Poe’s arms were wrapped around him.

Poe had understandably taken his mothers death really hard. Things only got worse when his father started pushing him away. Ben had overheard how his own father tried talking to Kes but the other man wasn’t listening, he was drowning in his grief.

Ben smiled at Poe as he finally reached him and noticed Poe had been crying. His beautiful eyes were rimmed red, lush lashes clumped together by tears and he kept twiddling his fingers. Ben felt worry begin eating away at his heart, “Are you okay?”.

“I think so…I don’t know. I—I just had to see you”

Ben hummed, “I can feel your conflict, you know you can tell me anything”.

Poe looked over his shoulder and back at Ben, “I don’t want you to think less of me…I’m not sure what’s happening with me”. Poe looked absolutely helpless as he placed a hand in his curls and yanked rather harshly.

Ben shook his head as he removed Poe’s hands from his hair, “You could never say or do anything that’d make me think you’re anything less than perfect”.

“I’m not perfect”

“Yes you are, completely perfect” Ben couldn’t have stopped his words even if he wanted to. He’s never had complete control of himself whenever Poe was around.

Ben was a little shocked when Poe tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear and stared at him intensely. Like he was trying to remember every single detail, Ben had asked him what was wrong and Poe just smiled sadly before crushing him with a hug.

“I think you’re perfect too, Ben. You’re the most amazing person I know. Never forget how much you mean to me”

Ben had been confused but returned the hug and leant his head on Poe’s shoulder, “How could I? You tell me everyday”.

Poe scoffed but continued hugging Ben for what felt like hours. When they finally separated Ben realized Poe was crying again. They sat on the boarding ramp of Poe’s ship for a while and just talked. The sun began rising and Poe had leant his head on Ben’s shoulder.

Everything was peaceful until they heard voices calling for them. They both stood in a panic and Poe was breathing heavily. “My father must’ve realized I left”.

Ben looked at him intently and realized Poe had to get away from it all for a bit to feel better.

“If you want to go it has to be now”

They locked eyes and Ben wasn’t sure what Poe was telling him with his gaze but before he could try to comprehend it the other boy walked towards him and pressed a searing kiss to his cheek.

Ben let out a shaky breath as Poe’s lips touched him and Ben watched as Poe pulled away and scrunched his eyebrows and eyes like he was in pain. Ben opened his mouth to speak but Poe spoke first, “Please take care of yourself, you mean so much to me Ben…I couldn’t bear it if you were hurt”.

“I promise, promise me you’ll do the same and come back?”, Poe nodded as he pulled away. Poe’s hand trailed down his arm and their fingers separated slowly and Ben fought the urge to follow the other boy.

Ben remembers how Kes pushed him for answers and how he wouldn’t budge, he told them what Poe told him, that he needed space. He remembered how he felt his heart sink lower and lower as more and more time passed since Poe left. He wasn’t sure where he’d gone, but he knows Poe’s alright.

At least…he thinks Poe’s alright, Ben believes they’re connected through the Force and that he’d feel if something was wrong.

Three years pass before anyone hears anything from Poe. Ben has been training for three long years and completed his trials under his Uncle Luke. Ben was now eighteen and he’d seen battle, he’d seen the aftermath of war and survived.

He’s been warned that he must control his power and not succumb to the Darkside. He’d been warned about his feelings for Poe and how a true Jedi has no attachments.

Ben knew that Luke worried about him, but was also preoccupied with the other Padawan’s and Knights. Luke had even given Ben the ability to go on solo missions and with his own squad. Ben had hoped that he’d soon be charged with a padawan and complete his training.

He’d finally accomplish what was expected of him.

Ben preferred to just go on missions with Tai and Hennix as Voe essentially hated him for existing. He did however have to work with all of them at times and they were all together when Luke holocalled them about an emergency on Kijimi and how an old friend needed help.

Ben was relieved when Luke asked for him to do this on his own.

Ben didn’t know what to expect and was perplexed when he learned they’d be sent on a mission with so many unknowns. Ben hated going into an unnecessarily dangerous mission with others. He’d feared they’d get hurt while he was in charge and he was positive he couldn’t live with the guilt.

However, since Luke decided to send Ben on his own he’d felt a little less anxious. It seemed very simple, pick up a lone traveler and protect them as he delivered them to their destination. Ben felt fine as he landed the Grimtaash and headed towards the cantina he was told he’d find the traveler.

Ben felt slightly anxious as he waited in the busy cantina. He was told to dress in his casual clothes and was so relieved to be out of his robes. His saber was hidden in the inside of his brown jacket and was a comforting weight.

He didn’t have to wait very long before he felt a familiar presence. He swiftly turned and came face to face with Poe. He looked different and the same at the same time, his skin was still golden and smooth, smirk as playful as ever and his soft, black curls sat atop his head as always.

He filled out nicely, shoulders broad and chest proud. He was wearing a light green jacket and black button up. His collarbone and top of his chest were exposed and shiny with sweat. Ben felt his ears grow warm and mouth go dry.

He was still so beautiful.

Poe walked right up to him and didn’t hesitate to wrap Ben up in a hug, “B-ben…it’s so good to see you”.

Ben returned the hug and realized he wanted to cry. He had no idea why Uncle Luke didn’t tell him that the traveler was Poe and then he realized that this was meant as a test for him. Ben was often troubled by the idea of having no attachments because as much as he wanted to be a good Jedi like everyone wanted, he also knew that he'd been in love with Poe all his life.

In all his mental trials and tests he’d often had to face a hurt Poe and feel the pain of losing him. Ben can only assume Luke did this so he’d have closure on his feelings for Poe and let him go.

“I didn’t know I’d be meeting you, but I’m so glad you’re here”

Poe smiled up at and his eyes were roaming around Ben’s face and body, “You’ve grown up on me. You’re not the same kid I remember”.

Ben felt himself attempt to hunch in one himself, it was pointless to do so after his latest growth spurt. “Have I changed that much?”

Poe laughed as the pair moved to sit at the bar, “It’s not bad…not bad at all”.

They spent two weeks together and Ben knew he failed his test. This meeting with Poe hadn’t allowed him to get over his feelings, all it did was allow them to get stronger. It allowed him to know that his feelings weren’t childhood infatuation, but something real and meaningful.

What made things worse is that Poe seemed to reciprocate, Poe wasn’t ashamed of the way his eyes followed Ben around. He wasn’t shy when it came to being close to the other man at all, always grabbing his hand as they made their way through crowds and bustling spaceports. He’d let his head fall to Ben’s shoulder when they were resting and tell Ben how warm he was and how safe he felt with him.

Halfway through their trip Ben had asked why Poe needed an escort to the New Republic Academy. Poe looked uncomfortable and Ben immediately apologized and told him he didn’t have to answer and it was insensitive of Ben to even ask.

Poe smiled softly at him and sat back in his seat. They had stopped at a spaceport to refuel and decided to take advantage of the water planet's beautiful climate. They’d gotten food and sat on the black sand beach, “When I left my home…after I lost my mother I ended up running into an old friend. Her name’s Zorii and she’s a Spice-Runner. I’m not proud of it, but with my piloting skills and lack of a plan, I made the best out of my situation”.

Ben didn’t know what to say, he wasn’t one to judge someone or their choices, especially not Poe. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Like you said, you made the best of your situation…why’d you leave?”.

“I didn’t really know what I was doing or when I’d leave, so much time had already passed. I missed everyone and I knew I couldn’t stay forever…Zorii mentioned wanting to take over the operation from her mother and she wanted me to be beside her when she did. I…I didn’t want to, I was just being stupid when I left. I just needed space and I guess I wanted to act out…”

Poe dug his hand into the black sand before continuing, “You know that all I’ve ever wanted to do was fly…I want to help people and do good, like my parents did. I want to stand for something and keep the galaxy safe…I just hope I’m not too late for me”

Ben’s conviction of Poe was much stronger than his nerves and it was evident in how sure of himself he was when he grabbed Poe’s hand. Poe looked up at him as their fingers interlocked, “Of course it’s not too late Poe. You’re a good person with a good heart and have so much love to give and you’ll do great things, I’m sure of it. You outshine every single star in the galaxy”.

Poe’s eyes looked watery and he smiled brightly at Ben, “You really mean that, don’t you?”

“With all my heart”

Before Ben could process anything Poe had flung himself into his arms and they toppled to the ground. It didn’t feel like any of their embraces they’ve shared before, Ben didn’t know what to do with Poe laying on top of him.

Their bodies fit together perfectly and Poe was quick to press his face into Ben’s neck, “I’m so glad to be back with you”. He murmured the words so sweetly into Ben’s neck and Ben shivered as he tightened his arms around him, “I’m happy you’re with me”

Things were different after that day, if Ben thought Poe was affectionate before he didn’t know what to call him now. Ben would fall asleep to Poe’s breathing every night and awake to the other man in his arms. Poe now held his hand any chance he got instead of just when they were in situations where they could be separated. He’d run his fingers through Ben’s hair and press them tightly together when they’d hug.

Ben was ashamed to admit how much he liked it.

He loved the feeling of the other man next to him, of Poe’s fingers in his hair and tracing down his arm or interlocking with his fingers. Ben knew he shouldn’t, but he wanted more. He wanted Poe all to himself.

They’d landed on a small planet full of lush meadows and forests. They would be arriving at the Academy any day now and have to go their separate ways. They promised each other that they’d see each other as often as they could.

They sat outside of the Grimtaash just talking and laughing together. Ben knew he had to make a decision on how to go forward with their relationship.

Ben was still so nervous around the other boy…other man. They were men now and no longer the giggling boys that wrestled in mud and snuck onto ships without permission.

Poe had a huge smile on his face as he leant close to Ben, “Who would’ve thought Ben Solo would grow up and be a heartbreaker?”.

Ben flushed and immediately regretted telling Poe the story of an incident involving him and a Chiss female who was incredibly strong in the ways of the Force. Ben was embarrassed when she professed her love for him and he had to awkwardly let her down easy.

“It wasn’t like that. I truly had no feelings for her…besides I couldn’t even if I wanted to. It’s the Code…Jedis can’t have any attachments”

Poe went rigid and quickly sat up, “Like at all?”

Ben felt his ears heat up and he shook his head, “Attachments lead to strong emotions and strong emotions are the path to the Darkside”.

Poe scoffed, “That can't be true, everyone has strong emotions. It’s what makes us…us”.

Ben smiled at that, “I know, but I don’t want to argue with my Uncle…he has enough to worry about”.

Poe hummed before turning to look at Ben, “So have you ever had any?”

“Any what?”

“Strong attachments?”

Ben felt his heartbeat stutter and his palms began sweating, “Just one” he mumbled.

“Who?”

Ben gawked at Poe and his angry expression and tone. Ben looked at him like he’d spoken in Wookie, surely Poe was aware of Ben’s painfully obvious feelings for him.

“Are you being serious?” Ben asked and Poe shrugged, “I’d want to know if my best friend is in love with someone”.

“Have you been in love?” Ben countered

“Yes”

Ben felt himself turn cold at Poe’s answer, “Was it the Spice Runner..?”

Poe shook his head at that, “Whatever it was Zorii and I had, if it was anything, was most definitely not love”.

Ben was left confused by that and still couldn’t decide if Poe was sincere about not knowing about Ben’s feelings.

“I know for sure now that I’m in love” Poe said, “I used to spend almost every day with this boy and we had so much fun together. I thought we’d always be side by side until I decided to run away like a kriffing idiot. I spent 3 long years away from him and it was torture. I spent so much time thinking about him and looking for anyone who was even a little bit like him until I realized that no one could possibly compare and when I finally decided to come home he was the one sent to get me…very romantic in my opinion”

Poe had completely turned his body to face Ben and Ben was finding it hard to speak or breathe or think. His nerves only got worse as Poe’s leg slung around one of his and placed his hand over Ben’s erratic heart.

Ben hadn’t experienced this side of Poe’s affection before.

He was used to Poe’s sweet words, warm and loving touches. This was more physical than anything else they’d shared, Ben yearned for more and wanted something more carnal.

“I was supposed to end my attachment to you”

“Do you want to end your attachment to me?”

‘No…by the Force no’ Ben thought as Poe leant closer to him. Ben placed his hand on Poe’s thigh and shivered at the warmth radiating off the other man. Poe was so close that their noses brushed and Ben’s grip on Poe’s thigh tightened.

“No…I don’t want to live a life you’re not a part of”

“You don’t have to be afraid of this”

“I’m not afraid”

“Then why are you shaking?”

Ben couldn’t think of an answer, so he pressed their lips together. Poe’s hands immediately started tangling in Ben’s hair. Ben felt like electricity was flowing through him as Poe ran his tongue across his lips. Ben felt his insides begin burning up as he opened his mouth for Poe and felt their tongues touch.

He couldn’t think straight anymore, all his thoughts circled around Poe. Poe’s mouth, his hair, the way he wore his shirts to show off his neck and chest, how he walked with a certain swing of his hips, the thickness of his thighs and ass.

He couldn’t stop thinking of how his chest felt warm whenever Poe was around him. How his smile eased him and how his mirth danced in his eyes. All his torment, angst and anger was soothed by Poe’s presence and Ben felt so unburdened when he was around. He was so happy with Poe, he was so in love.

Ben felt all his control slip out of his hands as he grabbed onto Poe’s waist and manhandled him onto his lap. Poe whined against Ben as they pressed against each other’s most intimate parts.

Ben moved from Poe’s lips and kissed his cheek, jaw and neck. Worrying the skin between his teeth and soothing it with his tongue. Poe used his grip on Ben’s hair to guide them back into a searing kiss and harshly bucked his hips into Ben’s erection.

Ben let out a groan and felt his control on his emotions slip. Poe shuddered at the wave of emotion that overwhelmed him and let his hand slide to cup Ben’s face.

“C-can you use your powers to feel what I feel?”

Ben nodded, “I can…just hold still”. Poe nodded as Ben pressed his forehead to his and allowed Poe into his mind.

“Young Master, we’ve arrived on Yavin 4. Shall I alert Master Dameron?”

Ben was snapped out of his memories by GeeGee’s soft voice and realized he’d landed in the field near Poe’s house.

From the latest messages he’d exchanged with Poe he knew he was visiting his father for a few days before returning to Hosnian Prime. It was so tempting to go to Poe.

So tempting to tell him what happen and Ben knew that Poe would take him in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He’d wrap his fingers in Ben’s hair and press kisses all over his face and neck. He’d whisper sweet words in Ben’s ear and make promises.

Ben knew Poe would turn his back on the New Republic if he asked. He’d turn his back on his dreams and go down the path of cowardice with Ben. Ben wasn’t noble like Poe, he didn’t love and fight fiercely like him.

Ben acted and did what was expected of him. He was already under such immense pressure as a young child, He was the son of a Princess and a dignitary and a Resistance General. The nephew of a Jedi Master and war hero. The grandson of a Queen turned Senator and the Chosen One.

His kriffing namesake was one the strongest and most compassionate Jedi to ever exist.

Ben didn’t know if he had it in him to live up to them all. He was nothing special, not really. Ben was strong and talented but he was also temperamental and was overly emotional. His bleeding heart had been causing him problems his entire life.

He was absolutely petrified of letting anyone down and being a failure. Ben was so devoted to being useful and doing well that he practically ignored all his personal wants and needs.

When he was a child he wanted to be a pilot like his father (and Poe). He wanted to be free and go on adventures with Poe by his side. The only one who supported his piloting was his father, Uncle Lando and Poe.

His mother and uncle thought it’d be better for him to become a Jedi. His mother did try to appease him by gifting him the Grimtaash but he felt guilty for such an extravagant gift.

Before his empath powers got out of control Ben agreed with them. He was excited to be a Knight, he wanted to be a part of his family’s legacy. He still got to fly when he could and everyone said he was more than exceptional at flying.

Ben didn’t have dreams…aside from one. He’d think of it often and kept it close to his heart. He hoped that one day he’d have a place of his own, away from the Jedi, away from prying eyes and hypocritical politics.

A place where he could mediate freely, read the history of his people, work on droids and on the Grimtaash. A place he could share with Poe.

He knew it was a stupid dream. He knew it could never be, it was childish and stupid and so incredibly selfish. How could he be so selfish? It was one thing to run away, but forcing Poe to come with him was so much worse.

He’d be stealing a crucial member of the New Republic, he’d be stealing someone who did and would do so much for the galaxy and he’d be stealing Poe away from his dreams.

He also couldn’t expose Poe to the Darkside. Ben had seen into his Uncle’s mind and saw what his future could look like. He saw himself be seduced by the Dark and he knew he’d destroy everything he cared about.

He knew he’d be the death of Poe Dameron.

He couldn’t do that, not to Poe. The love of his life, his source of happiness. He had to set him free.

“GeeGee keep us idle and ready for take off. I won’t be long”

“Of course Young Master”

Ben felt his heart sink lower and lower as he approached the Force tree at the edge of the Dameron’s homestead. Half of him was screaming to not do this, to just go talk to Poe and ask for help.

The other kept reminding him that all he’d do was doom Poe to a life with him.

So with his heavy heart and crying eyes, Ben Solo placed a hand on the Force tree and concentrated.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Poe knew this place.

Everything seemed so familiar and safe, he felt like someone was calling his name and he was underwater. All he could really sense was the dark and how warm it was.

He realized he’d been walking, the darkness was fading…like he was reaching the end of a tunnel. Suddenly he was standing in a field of tall grass under a setting sun. Standing alone in the middle was the object of his affection.

“Ben!”

Poe ran towards him and Ben moved to meet him. Ben looked so handsome in his Jedi robes, the thin white material highlighted the vast width of his shoulders and the thickness of his physique. The high collar complimented his slender throat and strong jaw. His dark pants elongated his already endless legs as did his knee high boots. Poe’s love was every bit the poster boy for Jedi Knights.

Poe didn’t hesitate to throw himself into Ben’s arms and felt his heart pounding as Ben spun them around. As Ben finally set him down Poe was quick to press their lips together. Poe tangled his fingers in Ben’s thick hair and pulled softly on it.

Ben felt all of Poe’s love rush into him and it left him lightheaded. He could never believe someone was capable of feeling this much for him, it spread like honey throughout his chest and he savored the kiss, knowing it’d be the last.

They pulled away slowly and Ben stared into Poe’s eyes, memorizing him. The slope of his nose, the brightness of his eyes.

“I missed you” Poe said as they continued staring at each other, his hands on Ben’s warm cheeks, thumbs running under his eyes.

Ben smiled despite his inner turmoil and let his eyes roam freely. Poe was simply wearing sleepwear and still looked absolutely devastating. His robe was royal blue and made of a silken material, his pants were the same and his chest was bare.

It’d been so long since they’d last seen each other. Ben had last visited over 2 months ago at the Academy, Poe had successfully finished his studies and would be assigned to a ship any day now. Ben had wanted to congratulate him personally and was able to get away from the temple for a few days.

They spent 3 amazing days together before Ben had to return to the temple and now they are finally back together.

“Are you actually here or is this all a dream?” Poe said as he tangled his fingers in Ben’s hair, it had gotten even longer in their time apart.

“Both. I needed to see you and I don’t have much time”

Poe noticed the odd tone in Ben’s voice and he grew concerned, “Is everything alright?”

His concern only grew as Ben shut his eyes in pain.

“I’ve come to say goodbye…something—something happened at the Temple—“

“Goodbye? The Temple? Are you okay?”

“I think so…I just…I feel like I’m being torn apart”

“Where are you? Let me come to you and we’ll—“

“I can’t let you do that, I have to leave…alone”

Poe felt his heart crack at that, “What do you mean? Ben…I want to help you, I want to be with you. That’s what partners do, they drop everything if they’re needed”.

“Partners also prevent each other from getting hurt and I don’t want to get you hurt…you don’t know how badly I want you with me…I’m sure you’ll know soon and you’re going to hear awful things. I need you to know that it isn’t true, I need you to know I’m not the man they’re gonna say I am…not if I have any say in it”

“I know who you are, Ben! You’re scaring me, what happened?”

Ben looked like he was in a lot of pain and Poe pulled him closer, “Do you remember how you felt before you left for Kijimi? That’s how I feel now, I’m lost and confused and I need to be alone…can you keep my secret like I kept yours?”

“It’s different now…we were just friends then, we’re together now and I won’t let the man I love slip
through my fingers!”

Poe knew he wasn’t being told everything, he knew he should be pressing harder for answers and demanding Ben to stay, but he also knew that Ben was hurting.

“I’m not leaving you because I don’t love you, I’m leaving to protect you…telling you what’s going on will only put you in more danger and I can’t bear that. You know my heart will always be yours, nothing could ever change that”

Ben was so sincere as he channeled his feelings into Poe. The other man had to know that he loved him, that he’d always love him.

He pressed a kiss to Poe’s forehead before he spoke, “I’ve seen what’s coming for me if I stay, I know I’m not strong enough to fight it off or protect you from it. I’d destroy everything that matters to me and you matter the most to me. I will do anything to ensure you’re safe…even if it means I can’t be with you, even if it means I’ll feel nothing but agony from being apart from you”

Poe had never heard Ben sound so defeated, he’d never heard him be anything but the bright and passionate man he was. He couldn’t accept this, he wanted Ben to stay with him and let him fight. But Poe couldn’t force Ben, he can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do.

“Ben all I want is for you to be with me, all I want is your love—“

“Love can’t save you from this! I can’t save you and the idea of something happening to you because of me is something I couldn’t handle”

“You’re isolating yourself Ben, you know I’d never do anything to hurt you or betray you! Just let me help you, please! Whatever is coming we’ll face it together!”

“I’m what’s coming”

Poe felt his face drop, “What?”

“I’ve seen it, I’ve seen myself fall….I know what I’ll become…I know what happens to us if I go down this path”

Ben placed his hand on the side of Poe’s face, brushing away his curls, “I’m not strong enough to fight off what’s coming for me and I know I’ll destroy you…that’s why I have to leave…I don’t want to be the reason you’re dead”.

“The idea of not being with you is killing me Ben. I love you too much to let you go. I won’t let you go”

Ben laughed sadly as a tear slipped down his cheek, “I’m already gone”.

Poe opened his eyes and he was on his bed in his room alone.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Ben felt like he was dying. He couldn’t believe he left Poe, he couldn’t handle the idea of never seeing him again. He often wondered if he’d die soon, it’d been days since the night on Ossus and Ben was so tired.

The phantom’s voice had been an issue but the further into the outer rim he went the more disconnected he felt. Exile was the Jedi way.

All he’d done since leaving Poe on Yavin 4 was cry and destroy parts of his ship. He’d reprogrammed GeeGee so he wouldn’t be trackable by anyone and the droid had been left to pilot the ship as Ben wallowed in his misery.

Every time GeeGee asked ‘If this was far enough, Young Master?’, Ben would respond with ‘Just a little further’.

Ben’s eyes glazed over as he slipped out of consciousness. He’d been heading further and further into the outermost part of the galaxy for a whole week.

He hadn’t even heard a voice come through his transponder.

When Ben regained consciousness he was laying on a cot inside a ship that wasn’t the Grimtaash.

He quickly sat up and grabbed his lightsaber and ignited it. He started walking towards the exit of the room and was startled when it opened to reveal two figures standing in front of him.

“Ben! Easy there, just calm down”

“Dad?! Uncle Chewie!?”

“What’s going on? Where’s my ship? Why am I here?”

He put away his lightsaber and stood in front of his father and uncle defensively. He needed to get out of here, he had to keep running.

“Your mother called for me…Luke had a very interesting story and Poe Dameron said you appeared to him in a dream, but would only tell me what happened…”

Ben felt himself panicking and his hands started shaking.

“What did he say..?”

Han sighed before approaching Ben, he put his hands on both shoulders and pulled him into a hug. Ben flinched before quickly hugging his dad back and he began sobbing.

“I’m so sorry” Ben sobbed and Han just held him tighter. “You have nothing to be sorry for”

“But Uncle Luke…he saw what I’d do…I attacked him—I”

“You defended yourself…and you haven’t done anything yet. You’re not gonna be punished for something you haven’t done or might do”

“Dad…the voices and the visions…I’m scared”

“Ben, I don’t know the Force…I’m no Jedi. But I’m your father and I’ll do anything to help you. I’m no stranger to running kid and it doesn’t help at all being on your own”

“What if I turn and hurt you or worse! I can’t risk it, I have to go”

Han sighed and let his arms fall to his side, “I can’t stop you son and I won’t. Just listen to me…I know exile is the Jedi way or whatever but you’re not just a Jedi, you’re a Solo and Solo’s do things their own way”

“What are you saying?”

“Why don’t you just ignore Luke and your mother, ignore the voices and just listen to yourself. What do you want?”

Ben had never thought of things like that. Was it that easy?

What did Ben want?

“I want to be stronger, I want to control my powers and not the way the Jedi wants me to or the Sith way. I don’t want anything to do with either. I just want to be free and not have to fear hurting anyone or doing something I don’t want to do”

Han smiled at him, “Free, huh? I think free is a good idea”

Chapter Text

Ben placed his hand on the side of Poe’s face, brushing away his curls, “I’m not strong enough to fight off what’s coming for me and I know I’ll destroy you…that’s why I have to leave…I don’t want to be the reason you’re dead”.

Poe was completely overwhelmed. His body wasn’t able handle all his emotions and Ben’s. He felt like he was being swept out to sea by a ferocious tide.

He spoke through the lump in his throat and ignored his tears, “The idea of not being with you is killing me Ben. I love you too much to let you go. I won’t let you go”

Ben was breaking his heart. He was going somewhere he wouldn’t let Poe follow. All Poe wanted was to be with Ben, it didn’t matter to him where or how. He knew with every ounce of his heart that they could do anything if they were together.

Ben laughed sadly as a tear slipped down his cheek, “I’m already gone”.

Poe opened his eyes and he was on his bed in his room alone.

“No, no, no!” Poe shouted as he got out of bed and raced outside.

Poe finally reached the clearing and felt his body weaken as he noticed the imprints left on the grass. Ben had been here.

Ben had left him.

He sank to his knees as his tears overwhelmed him. How could this happen? What was going on?

‘Why wouldn’t he just listen? Why didn’t Ben trust him?’

Poe would never believe in a million years that Ben could fall. He just couldn’t, it went against everything he thought of the other man.

‘Because you’re unworthy of his trust. You an ex-Spice Runner…a criminal…who would ever trust you?’

Poe flinched as doubt took over his mind and he was left with a sick feeling in his stomach.

“Poe!”

He turned around and noticed his father and Master Skywalker approaching him along with the three other Jedis in Ben’s class.

“Dad…”

Poe stood and didn’t care that his face was messy with tears. He didn’t care that he was only in his sleep robe or that he looked absolutely miserable. He stood on unsteady feet and had to have his father support him, “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”.

“Ben…he was here…I know it”

“Ben was here? When?” Luke asked and Poe noticed how shaken up he was. R2 rolled beside him and whistled sadly.

“Last night, he appeared in my dreams…he said something happened at the Temple, but wouldn’t say what”

Luke’s eyes betrayed him and Poe stepped forward, “What happened?! What made him leave?”

Luke looked off into the distance and finally spoke, “Ben…he attacked me, he’s been seduced by the Darkside—“

“You’re wrong! He wouldn’t do that!”

“Your feelings blind you to the truth, flyboy” Voe sneered. Her green eyes narrowed in anger and disdain.

“Maybe your jealousy has blinded you, Voe”

Poe knew it was a cheap shot, but he wouldn’t stand here and listen to lies about his love. Ben had warned him that lies about him would be spread. He also knew from Ben’s stories and from seeing it firsthand that Voe has had a deep dislike for him since they were younglings.

Ben said she was insecure about her connection to the Force and she was constantly comparing herself to Ben. That she’d never be content until she allowed herself to just be.

“Jealous?! Jealous of that arrogant little prince—“

“Enough!” Luke ordered and you could audibly hear Voe’s mouth shut.

“Poe…Ben did attack me and he destroyed his hut and the Temple, he ran away. I knew he’d come to see you and I thought he’d take you with him or at least tell you where you could find him…”

Poe chewed his inner cheek before speaking, “I have nothing more to say”.

“Son…” Kes tried

“I know you’re lying” Luke said simply and Poe rolled his eyes.

“And that’s all you’ll ever know! I won’t betray Ben, I will never go against him in any way”

“Master Skywalker could make you” Voe said and Poe scoffed.

“Voe, no” Tai said and Hennix seemed uneasy.

“You’re right he could make me, but he’s going to have another thing coming if he thinks I’m going down without a fight”

“Poe, enough” Kes tried but Poe wasn’t having it. He felt like a cornered wild animal.

“I need to know what he told you Poe, Ben is in great danger”

“You mean Ben is the great danger, I don’t know what you think you know about him, but you’re wrong! He’s a good man!”

“Poe, please. We can help him” Tai tried to mediate the situation, but it was too late.

Poe struggled against the invisible binds that seemed to wrap around him. He couldn’t move and if it wasn’t for the binds he would’ve fallen onto his ass.

“Knock it off, Luke! Stop it!” Kes shouted

“I’m sorry Poe, but you leave me no choice”

Poe continued swearing and struggling as he felt a pressure enter his head, it wasn’t painful, but it was foreign.

Luke saw as Ben landed on Yavin and used the force tree to have a stronger connection. He watched the two embrace in Poe’s dream and he couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but he saw how defeated his nephew looked and how confused Poe was.

He tried to press further, but he didn’t get very far.

“Luke!”

Poe fell onto his hands and knees as he was released. He was breathing heavily and was overwhelmed with his anger. Leia was heading towards them and she stopped near her brother. Poe hadn’t even noticed her arriving, but there she was.

Her long hair done in an elegant style with long strands framing her face. Her gown was made of a soft cream material with a silver cape and pearl detailing that only added to her majesty.

“Your highness” Tai, Voe and Hennix said as they bowed their heads and stepped away from the twins.

“Leia…” Luke said as he gave her all his attention. Poe could only assume that they were communicating telepathically.

Luke sighed and seemed defeated as Leia looked like she won. She gave his arm a squeeze and walked over to Poe, “Hello Poe”

“Hello Princess”

Leia knelt down next to Poe and placed a comforting hand on his cheek.

“How many times have I asked you to call me Leia?”

Poe knew she was trying to lighten the mood, but he wasn’t having it. “I don’t believe Ben has fallen, but he is scared which makes him vulnerable. I know he’s a complicated man who doesn’t ask for help and thinks so little of himself…I know you love him and he loves you and you want to help him. If you know where he is then we can go together to get him”

Leia had no idea how badly Poe wanted to help Ben. He’d do anything to make sure Ben wasn’t suffering alone or running into some suicide mission.

“I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to” Poe said sadly as tears welled up in his eyes. Leia looked at him strangely before pain flashed across her face.

“He didn’t tell you”

Poe crumbled at the admission and Leia brought him into a hug. His tears were freely flowing down his face and he let out a shaky breath, “He told me he was protecting me, that I wouldn’t be safe with him…I begged and pleaded for him to reconsider, but…”

“But what?” Luke asked

Poe shook his head. “I will not share anything else, you came here because you thought I knew where he was or to get me to take you to him, but that’s not the case and even if it was I’d never tell you”

Luke flinched at Poe’s tone, but it wasn’t over.

“I don’t know what happened, but I know it’s your fault, Jedi Master. You failed your student, your nephew and now he may be gone forever”

Luke opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it. That was all the admission Poe needed, he continued crying into Leia’s shoulder.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Poe was still numb ten whole hours after he’d awakened. His heart was slow and quiet like it had given up on working. Poe couldn’t blame it though, now that Ben was gone he saw little to no reason to keep going.

Nothing mattered to him now.

Not his dreams, his desire or destiny. Everything meant nothing if he couldn’t share it with his beloved.

He sat in the main room of Leia’s transport and was only comforted by Ben’s brown jacket he was wearing. Everyone was silent and dreading what was coming.

They had to tell Han.

Leia had sent him an urgent message to come to her as quickly as he could. They all knew he’d be here soon, no matter what he was doing he’d always come home to Leia.

Luke and his students were meditating and getting increasingly more and more frustrated about the whole situation. Poe couldn’t really say he cared, he felt so disillusioned and hurt.

He had known his whole life that Ben was adored by his Uncle Luke. He’d seen firsthand how affectionate the Jedi Master could be and how Ben had him wrapped around his finger, ‘How could Luke possibly think Ben had fallen?’.

One could only imagine how Han would take the news.

Han who was so against Ben being trained in the ways of the Jedi, so against the code and the pressure placed upon his son. Poe remembers how much Han and Leia would fight during their childhood. He remembers how he would hide in Ben’s room with the other boy covering his ears.

Ben always felt so guilty when his parents fought over him. He hated causing trouble. Poe remembers how he’d comfort the younger boy with soothing words and how tightly they held each other.

Even back then everything seemed so simple when they were together.

Poe finally came out of his thoughts when Han and Chewie came through the door.

Han really hadn’t really changed since the last time Poe saw him and Chewie hadn’t changed at all. Han’s hair was a dark gray and the lines on his face from laughing and smiling more severe. His eyes were still as wam and mischievous as ever, the confidence rolling off him brought warmth to the frigid room.

Han’s eyes roamed the room and Chewie let out an anxious roar.

“What’s going on? It’s not often that I’m summoned by both of you” Han tried to joke, but he was quick to realize the severity of the situation.

“Leia? What’s wrong?” Han stepped further into the room and placed an arm around his wife, “You’re scaring me, your royalness”.

He looked around and finally noticed everyone’s grim expression, Han went pale when he locked eyes with Poe’s vacant ones, “No…he’s not…he can’t be”.

Luke sighed, “Han…”

“He isn’t. My son’s not dead!”

Poe whimpered at Han’s words, ‘Of course, the worst he could imagine is Ben being dead’. Poe was sure his heart would simply stop if Ben was gone.

“No, darling” Leia said, her eyes wet. “Ben…he left the Temple, he and Luke fought and now we don’t know where he is”

Han took a step back, “What do you mean you don’t know where he is? It’s not like Ben to just disappear unprovoked”. Chewie roared in agreement and Luke looked uneasy.

“I have reason to believe he’s fallen, I sensed darkness in him, Han” Luke said and Poe wanted to scoff.

“Darkness? In my Ben? I don’t buy it!” Han shouted and Leia tried to soothe him.

“We always suspected it, you know that. He’s too strong…too unstable, we always feared that he could be seduced”

“He wouldn’t. He’s a fighter! If anything he’d try to confront and solve what’s plaguing him!”

“The Darkside is too much for one person to fight off without proper training…and with Ben’s history…”

“He’s not evil! He’s complicated and angry and I don’t blame him. He always hated the Code and impossible expectations you Jedi love forcing on others!”

“Han—“

“No! I know there’s no way he would fight you without a reason, so tell us what happened” Han ordered and Poe watched as Luke grew nervous.

Leia, Tai, Hennix and Voe turned to him for an answer. They had previously accepted that Ben had attacked Luke first, but Han’s statement raised questions.

“He attacked me—“

“You’re lying! Tell us what really happened!”

“…Luke, Ben did attack you unprovoked?” Leia questioned and Luke crumpled under her stare.

“I’ve been having visions…terrible visions of what’s to come. Another war, more deaths, the Darkside rising again…and at the center of all of this is Ben”

Leia gasped and Han went rigid.

‘Another war?’ Poe thought and the other padawans looked uneasy.

They always knew the Sith were out there, somewhere, but no one could’ve seen another rise of the Darkside like the time of the Galactic Civil War.

“What do you mean visions? Is this something that will happen or can?” Han asked and Chewie voiced his agreement with the question.

“The Darkside is clouding the future…I can’t give you a definitive answer”

“And you told this to Ben? You told him that he could be in even more danger of falling? You told him what you’ve seen and how he can be prepared?”

Poe was shocked to see guilt flit across Luke’s face.

“I…I went to his hut last night and I looked into his mind…the seeds have already been planted. There was so much hidden rage, resentment he held deep down and I’ve tried looking the other way. I tried to ignore how he kept breaking the Code…” Luke and Poe’s eyes met for a second and Poe felt shame course through him.

Both he and Ben knew they weren’t suppose to be together. Jedis were supposed to have no attachments, there weren’t supposed to have romantic partners.

”For one moment I thought I had to stop him, but I came to my senses and I stopped myself. It was too late, Ben had woken up and he saw my blade ignited—“

“And he defended himself! You were going to kill my son!” Han yelled as he grabbed Luke by his robes.

Voe and Hennix reached for their blades, but Chewie had already aimed his crossbow.

“Oh my Gods” Poe said as Leia covered her mouth with a trembling hand.

“Han! I wasn’t! I couldn’t!” Luke tried, but it fell on deaf ears.

“No wonder he’s disappeared! You gave up on him! You turned on him! You promised you’d help him, I trusted you!” Han let go and stepped away from Luke. Leia had turned to Chewie for comfort and the Wookie seemed so depressed.

Han ran a hand through his hair and paced angrily. After awhile he turned to Poe, “He went to you, right?”

Poe nodded, “He came to say goodbye. He said we wouldn’t be safe together, he said he saw himself fall in Luke’s mind and he needed to stop it before it happened”

“You never mentioned that earlier” Voe said

“Because I don’t trust any of you! You don’t care about Ben or his safety! You just think you have to stop him!” Poe shouted as he stood up from his seat and walked to Han.

Poe knew in that moment that Han could be the one to reach Ben.

“Please find him. You’re the only one who can, he thinks the Dark will force him to kill me and everyone he loves. I don’t believe that and neither do you, but he was so sure he’d be the death of me. If I go after him he’ll just keep going and going. He doesn’t trust himself anymore…I know he isn’t dangerous, but he’s scared and alone. Please, please find him”

Han squeezed Poe’s shoulder before looking at his companion. “C’mon Chewie”

“Han…find our boy” Leia said

Han nodded at her with a determined expression.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

“I think I know what I have to do”

Ben had been with his father and Chewie for 4 days. Han refused to let him go until he was well fed and rested. They were sitting in the most comfortable room on the Eravana.

“What’s your plan?”

“I’m going to ancient ruins…Jedi and Sith to find answers in the past, I need to learn everything I possibly can without any influence from a Master. I need to find the truth without fearing consequences”

Han mulled this over before voicing his doubts, “Are you sure you want to go through those ruins? Aren’t most places like that destroyed?”

“Most definitely, but there are many ways to obtain knowledge. I think my path will be one that isn’t necessarily Light or Dark. Like a paradox, you can’t have one without the other…”

“Your uncle would say something about the Force being all about balance and no matter what we accomplished against the Darkside that they’d rise again”

“It’s a symbiotic relationship and it’s incredibly frustrating. The makings of their destruction are already in the beliefs of the Jedi and Sith. The Jedi in all their righteousness and lack of action allowed the Sith to grow strong right before their eyes and the Sith who only cared for power and themselves would destroy each other”

“I’m so glad I’m not involved in all that magical hooey”

Ben chuckled at that.

“I wish I could say the same, but it seems that I can’t get away from it”

Han’s eyes softened, “How…are the voices?”

“It’s quiet out here. I know they can still feel me, but I haven’t heard anything so far. I like it”

It was true. Ben hadn’t felt this at peace before and it had done wonders for his mental state. His heart, however, was still aching. Every waking moment was agony.

His father had told him how defeated Poe appeared and how protective he was when someone doubted Ben. Ben hadn’t wanted that for Poe, he knew that it wouldn’t be easy on the other man, but he didn’t want him to suffer.

He didn’t want Poe to think he left him because he didn’t trust him. He didn’t want Poe to doubt him or spend time wondering what was true and what was false. He deserved to know.

“After I leave I need you to do me a favor…”

Han was used to Ben being shy. He wasn’t really used to seeing him so nervous.

“Anything, son”

Ben kept fiddling his fingers together before pulling out a fold of paper from his jacket. Han smiled at the papers Ben was handing to him. C-3PO had been the one to recommend Ben take up art to healthily express his emotions.

Han hadn’t been confident, but would try anything after Ben’s tantrums had completely destroyed two separate rooms in their home. ‘Whoever said raising a kid would be easy?’

And it had helped Ben express himself and it had stuck with him as he’d gotten older. Every time he was overwhelmed or hurt he’d take to his easel and spend hours sketching or practicing his calligraphy.

Han could only assume Ben was handing him some letter to Poe.

The elder Solo was very fond of Poe. He’d always stand up for Ben when they were kids, never teased or seemed scared of his boy’s…mannerisms. Of course Han noticed that Ben was in love with the kid and wasn’t surprised when they arrived back from Kijimi closer than ever before.

They were a great match for each other and Han was more than pleased by Ben’s choice in partner.

“When you go back can you give this to Poe? Tell him, tell him that I’m sorry and that I will return to him, to everyone”

Han held the paper in his hands before placing it in his pocket, “This better be one heck of apology, Bandit”

Ben smiled at the childhood nickname, “A lifetime of watching you apologize has taught me a thing or two”

They shared a laugh, “I’m sure it has…you know you can come to me. For anything, I’ll be there for you. I know you don’t want to be around anyone else until you have this all under control and while I don’t agree with you on that…I’ll keep your secret, just be safe out there”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be around everyone else, but Mom has the Force and she’s at risk of being influenced…I think that’s what happened with Uncle Luke….and using Poe against me would be so easy for the Darkside”

“Don’t worry about that Ben, nothings going to happen to them. I won’t allow it”

“Dad, Thank you…for everything”

Han smiled and placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder. Chewie came through the door and let them know that he finished all modifications for the Grimtaash. Han quickly pulled Ben into a hug and they both huffed when Chewie wrapped them both up in his arms and lifted them up.

Ben laughed loudly as Chewie petted his hair rather roughly.

“Take care of yourself, Uncle Chewie”

The trio headed for the ship and Ben remembered something, “One more thing, make sure this little guy gets to Poe”

Chewie and Han shared a look before Ben whistled in Binary. A small ball painted white and orange wheeled out to them and Ben kneeled before him.

“Okay BB-8, this is where I leave you for now. This is what you’re programmed for”

Han sighed as Ben spoke softly to the little droid. He never understood why all Skywalker’s seemed so fond of the annoying things.

The droid was rapidly beeping at Ben and he just smiled at him.

“Of course Poe will love you, just be yourself. Remember that you’re built just for him and no one else. Don’t let the other droids push you around. Okay, I’ll see you soon. Be good”

Ben placed his hand affectionately on the droid's head. He stood and walked onto his boarding ramp and only turned when Han called out to him.

“May the Force be with you, kiddo”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Poe rushed into the living room of Han and Leia’s apartment. He had been informed that Han had returned and was so hopeful that it was with good news.

In the days since Han left things hadn’t been going well. Luke felt completely disillusioned after coming to terms with what he did to Ben and left with his Padawans to an old Jedi Temple far, far away. He had been tricked by the Darkside, by whatever was tormenting Ben and he hadn’t been strong enough to fight it off.

The other students would join them and resume training.

Poe couldn’t bring himself to forgive Luke. He just couldn’t understand what was going through the Jedi master’s mind. Poe had always looked up to the man, so had Ben, Luke was like a legend come to life.

Someone who was so honorable and good. Someone everyone should aspire to be like. How could he make such a mistake?

Leia had seemed to forgive Luke or at the very least understand what had happened to him, but she had told him that he still needed to face Ben and get his nephew’s forgiveness when the time was right.

Poe would forgive Luke when Ben did and until then he’d continue carrying his feelings of betrayal and contempt.

He hoped Han had been able to find Ben and calm him down. Poe had seen it so many times throughout the years, how Han was able to soothe his son. How Ben could speak to his father about anything and be heard.

He hoped Ben was okay.

He skidded into the room and startled 3PO.

Han and Leia had just stepped in from the balcony and Chewie was sitting on the couch. Everything seemed normal, no one looked as anguished as they had the day after Ben left.

“Poe, he found him” Leia looked happier than she had in days.

“Thank the Maker, is he alright? Is he coming back?”

Han sighed, “He’s alright, he was a little shaken. He seemed more hopeful when he left than when I found him”

“He left again?”

Poe had hoped Ben would see the error of his ways and come home.

“He said he had more learning to do…training on his own. Away from everything. He wants to get stronger and keep everyone safe. I didn’t agree with his reasoning, I’m just glad he’s alright”

Poe thought over what Han said and thought about what Luke had said over a week ago.

While Poe had no doubts about Ben or his convictions, he did worry about outside influences that could affect or hurt him. All Poe wanted was for Ben to be happy and safe.

“Did he say anything else?”

Han smiled before reaching into his pocket and produced a piece of paper. Poe immediately recognized the style of paper and knew it was from Ben. He eagerly took it and began reading.

Poe,

Akisi, I hope you’re well.
I’m so sorry for causing
you all this sorrow and even more
sorry I can’t be there with you.

I told you when I left that I
was leaving to protect you and
that is still true. I will do
everything in my power to keep you
safe.

I’m beginning my training of the Force
and this path will take me far from you
and my other loved ones.

I will get stronger and I will
defeat what’s coming.

I will not fall and I will return to you,
my love.

I hope you can forgive me,
but I understand if you can’t.

Remember that my heart will
always belong to you and you
alone.

-Ben
*I hope you grow as fond as BB-8 as I did

Poe felt his heart swell with happiness as he read the letter. He could tell from the letter that Ben was no longer feeling as defeated and lost as he did that night. He had found a new purpose and drive. Poe was also comforted by the idea of them reuniting one day.

He’d wait until the stars turned cold for Ben to be back with him.

Poe smiled up at Han and Leia before his face turned confused, “Who’s BB-8?”

Summoned by his name, a tiny droid zoomed from behind the couch and rolled to a stop in front of Poe. Poe was speechless and slowly kneeled down, the droid seemed…shy.

“Hi”

BB-8 beeped cautiously at him and Poe found himself smiling. The little droid kind of reminded him of Ben. Poe smiled and placed his hand on his head.

The droid seemed apprehensive and backed away slightly. Han just sighed before nudging him with his foot, “Move ball”. BB-8 beeped angrily and Leia laughed softly, the droid moved closer to Poe.

“It’s very nice to meet you, I’m Poe. Poe Dameron”

Upon hearing his name the droid began beeping and booping at rapid speed. Poe could only make out so many words.

He picked up on Ben, Poe, Maker, Master, Loyal Companion, Best Friend and Love.

Poe laughed with the droid and felt a bit of his sorrow fade away.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Ben Solo was meditating when Lor San Tekka awoke.

It was still dark on Jakku, still cold and peaceful. Ben had been meditating for hours now and was trying to figure out what was on the planet that kept calling out to him.

When he first began his journey of enlightenment and training himself he had gone to as many Jedi and Sith temples he could safely reach. He studied the ruins and energy left behind. He practiced the rituals and techniques Luke had taught him and allowed his instincts to guide him.

Ben was proud enough to say that he flourished on his own.

Ben hadn’t meant to start overthrowing warlords and criminals. It’s just that he couldn’t turn a blind eye to injustice and every new place he landed showed all the problems still tormenting people. It was also great combat practice.

He’d run into his father a lot during his journey.

Han and Chewie were still smugglers and still transported dangerous and illegal goods across the galaxy. Ben would accompany them when he had time. It gave him a chance to be around people he trusted. It allowed him to check on his father and uncle Chewie and hear how his mother was.

It also allowed him to hear how Poe was doing.

Everyday his longing for the other man grew and grew. He’d be the last thing he thought about before he fell asleep and the first thing he thought when he awoke.

Ben’s journey had also been incredibly dangerous. While he’d always been proficient with his lightsaber, using it put a giant target on his back.

Many criminals and Empire sympathizers hated the Jedi and how they’d started growing in numbers since the fall of the Empire.

After a close call involving some Mandalorians and bounty hunters Han had insisted he learn to use a blaster as well as he used his lightsaber. Ben had to admit using a blaster was really cool. His father had even given him a holster like his and Ben liked carrying a piece of his legacy along with his blue lightsaber.

It was also Han who advised him to find Lor San Tekka. Ben remembered the man from his childhood and how he’d join him when Lor helped Uncle Luke find old Jedi archives that the Empire tried to destroy.

The older man was incredibly wise and able to give Ben more material to learn and help him on his path to grow strong.

Ben would also keep visiting Lor on Jakku because of the call.

He couldn’t describe what exactly it was and had never experienced it before. At first he thought he was picking up on someone’s feelings through his empath gift, but he could never find who it was.

The feelings were familiar to him at least.

Feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Feelings of confusion and a never ending questioning of their purpose. Whatever it was never gave Ben enough to find out what it was.

All he had were feelings and overtime he began seeing scenes of a desert planet that was extremely similar to Jakku and sometimes hear rude names directed at whoever he was sensing.

It reminded him all too much of his own childhood. The other children would tease him for how quick to tears he was as a child and how creepy he could be. He didn’t mean to be a show off or ask to have empath powers.

Ben’s heart ached at the thought of someone being treated unfairly and wished the Force would allow him to find this person.

He had theorized that it might be a person who was Force sensitive. Maybe someone who needed help from him. Maybe someone who was like him.

“You should be sleeping”

Lor stood a few feet in front of where Ben sat. The man had grown incredibly fond of the boy. Ben had been on his journey for eight long years.

Eight long years away from his mother, his home and from Poe.

He had heard from his father that Poe was doing alright, always asking about him when Han returned to Leia and pleased when he learned that Ben was safe.

“Couldn’t sleep. I’m trying to find who I’m feeling before I leave”

The other Force sensitive must have been sleeping because all Ben felt was tranquility.

“You won’t have to leave so soon, there’s no reports of First Order ships anywhere near us”

That was another thing that complicated and prolonged Ben’s journey. During his time away from his home, a new enemy had risen.

The First Order set out to finish what the Empire started all those years ago. Led by a Sithlord who was dead set on ruling the galaxy and slaughtering anyone who got in his way.

Ben had no doubt that this was the phantom that haunted his mind. He was even more confident that this Sithlord was after him when he first encountered Ren.

Ren was the leader of the Knights of Ren and had made it his mission to recruit Ben.

He was constantly on the run from the man and nearly died fighting him off more times than he can count. Ren was relentless in his pursuit and had used every and all forms of manipulation to convince Ben to join them.

Ben spent years now fighting off the Knights and freeing enslaved people whenever he encountered them. He tried to do more for the galaxy, but realized that if he stayed somewhere for too long that Ren would find him and put the people around him in danger

Ben had heard from his father that his mother and a few trusted members of the New Republic had reinstated the Resistance to protect the democracy they had fought so hard to preserve.

He knew that Poe was the best pilot they had, he served as a commander under his mother.

Ben had almost abandoned his mission to return to Poe when he found out. He was so scared of losing Poe before he had a chance to reunite with him, but he also knew he had to have faith in Poe and have faith that they would be together one day.

He had also heard that his Uncle Luke was fighting off the First Order with the other Jedi Knights.

Ben knew he should be doing more.

“I’m not leaving because of Ren this time. I think it’s time for me to go home. Half of my journey has been spent learning and growing and it has been incredibly rewarding and necessary…but the other half was still me running from my problems. I ran away from home, from the voice in my head, from my Uncle and the Temple and now I spend my days running from Ren…I know I can do more, I know I’m strong enough now and I’m not afraid”

Lor smiled at Ben and helped the boy off from the ground, “You have grown strong, young Solo. You will do great things, I’m sure of it. I hope you make it home safely and when you are safe you might want to look into Dyads”

Ben looked puzzled, “What’s a Dyad?”

“Force Dyads, it’s when two people are connected through the Force. Very rare, not much is known about them. You’re able to feel what they feel like it’s actually happening to you, you can see what they see, hear what they hear…it’s like your soul was split in two. The only thing I’ve seen that’s close to one is the bond between your mother and uncle…”

Ben absorbed the information, is it possible that he had a connection to someone’s he’s never met. He’d have to ask his mother when he saw her, ask her exactly what it felt like to first meet her brother.

Ben felt the beginnings of anxiety, returning home meant facing his Uncle. In his time away he was able to reflect on what happened that night and wanted to ask his Uncle ‘why?’.

“I’ll look into it, thank you for everything”

“Take care, young Solo”

“May the Force be with you”

Ben felt himself smiling as he took of in the Grimtaash. GeeGee had already located his father and was heading towards him. Ben reclined back in his seat and let sleep overtake him, the last thing he thought of was finally seeing Poe again.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Lor hadn’t expected two visitors in one day and he definitely hadn’t expected Resistance pilot Poe
Dameron to land on Jakku.

“Are you Lor San Tekka?” the young man asked.

“Yes I am, what is the purpose of your visit young Dameron?”

“I was sent by General Organa, we received word that Ben Solo was last seen here and he’s in great danger the First Order is finally ready to take their revenge on the galaxy”

Lor sighed, “If the Resistance knows young Solo was here then the First Order must also…this is too much of a coincidence”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been helping young Solo on his journey and he’s been on the run from the Knights of Ren for years now—“

“The Knights?! What do they want with Ben?”

Lor saw then that young Dameron cared deeply for young Solo.

“Recruitment. Solo is an incredibly gifted Force sensitive and highly sought after by the First Order and the Knights seem to think he’s the key to their success, if they’re preparing to launch their attack then they’ll be doubling their recruitment efforts for young Solo”

“Ben would never join them”

Poe seemed incredibly sure of his answer and Lor was glad to see someone who believed in Ben as much as he did.

“I know, but the Darkside is relentless…not that the Knights are strictly Dark, but the First Order’s leader definitely is…why were you sent by the General?”

Poe looked surprised by the question for a single moment before answering, “The General trusts me to handle anything she deems crucially important and Ben is her son…”

“And what is Ben to you?”

“Everything”

“I thought so…here, this is the comlink I use to contact young Solo. Get far away from here and contact him, I fear that the Order will know you’re here looking for him and—“

They were interrupted by a BB unit rushing into the house.

The droid beeped and booped rapidly at them as they both stood up.

“We got company”

“The Order is here…hurry take this” Lor said as he stood and placed the comlink in Poe’s hand.

They rushed outside and Poe used his quadnocs to see the approaching ships, “You have to hide”

“You have to leave”

“Get out of here as fast as you can and when you’re far from here contact Ben. Good luck”

“I can’t just leave! You and the villagers are in danger!”

“And so will you be if you stay and so will Ben. They will stop at nothing to get him, go!”

Poe looked incredibly sad as he rushed out of the hut with his droid right behind him.

“Stang, stang, stang” Poe muttered under his breath. Running through sand was always terrible and doing so while under emotional distress just made everything worse.

Poe finally reached his ship and prepared to take off when he was hit, the soft side of his ship was badly damaged. BB-8 was beeping at him, “I see them!”

He fired at the approaching Troopers and got out of his ship to assess the damage.

He felt his heart sink as he realized he wouldn’t be able to leave

BB-8 booped as Poe knelt before him.

“You take this. It’s safer with you than it is with me. You get as far away from here as you can. Do you hear me?”

Poe placed the comlink inside of one of BB-8’s compartments as the droid chirped at him. Poe stood up and prepared to go, his eyes stung from tears.

“I’ll come back for you. It’ll be alright” he shouted as he ran back towards the village. BB-8 was sad but did as he was told.

Poe braced himself against a low wall before turning to fire on the Troopers. There were so many of them and Poe knew his chances weren’t great. Poe only stopped firing when he noticed one Trooper kneel beside a fallen one.

The trooper seemed shaken and Poe couldn’t help but stare in wonder.

Poe watched as a menacing ship landed and a figure wearing a black cape, mask and no shirt exited.

It was Ren.

Lor was brought in front of the masked man and they exchanged words for a minute. Lor must’ve said something Ren didn’t like because he struck him down with his lightsaber.

“No!!” Poe shouted as he fired at the Knights, but he and his blaster were soon frozen.

Poe struggled under the amount of Force weighing on him.

He was soon grabbed by two Troopers and brought before the scarred man. He was shoved to his knees and Ren squatted down in front of him, the Knight grabbed Poe by the jaw.

“Poe Dameron…it’s so good to finally meet you”

“Let go of me” Poe said as he yanked his face out of Ren’s hold.

“Feisty…I can see why the kid’s so obsessed with you” Poe felt uneasy as Ren continued looking at him, like he knew something secret about him. “Tell me where he is and I won’t have to hurt you as much”

“Go kriff yourself”

“Such a naughty pilot. I know that Solo was here meeting the old man and I know you’ve been running around the galaxy trying to find him before we do…tell me where he is”

Poe stubbornly kept his mouth shut and Ren sighed before standing, “No matter, we’ll get you talking one way or another. Put him on the ship”

Poe was dragged onto the ship and felt completely helpless.

The feeling only got worse as Ren ordered the villagers killed.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

FN-2187 was not having a good day.

He was almost positive he wasn’t meant to feel that and definitely positive he was being sent for reconditioning.

He couldn’t give up his blaster for inspection, they’d know he hadn’t fired a single shot and that it wasn’t because of a malfunctioning blaster. He had to come up with a plan and come up with one quickly.

He was walking through the corridors when he overheard some First Order Officers talking.

“I still don’t understand why Ren has captured that piece of Resistance scum”

“He’s not just any piece of Resistance scum, the prisoner is Commander Poe Dameron, right-hand of General Organa and their best pilot. He’s also known for his connection with the runaway Jedi—“

FN-2187 stopped listening after ‘best pilot’.

Was that true about the prisoner? Could he really be his ticket out of here? Only one way to find out.

Poe was strapped to a table and nursing a minor concussion. Both sides of his face were covered in blood, his right eye was irritated and slightly bruised and his lip was busted. There was a lone Trooper guarding him and Poe wasn’t feeling too hot.

Ren was able to get the information out of him and Poe was so angry at himself. He was also in a lot of pain, physical and emotional.

Ren had gone through his mind and pulled out any and everything he wanted. He wasn’t at all gentle or kind about it, he’d laugh and make commentary on Poe’s memories.

The door opening for another Trooper is what snapped Poe out of his downward spiral.

“Ren wants the prisoner”

His restrainments were released and Poe stared at the Trooper with unfocused eyes. He was unsteady as he got to his feet and his hands were bound in front of him. He tried not to trip as the Trooper yanked him through the ship by his arm.

He was even more confused when he was abruptly told to ‘Turn here’. He stumbled through the narrow passage and stared at the Trooper like they grown another head, “Listen carefully, if you do exactly as I say, I can get you out of here”

“What?”

“This is a rescue. I’m helping you escape”

Poe knew then that he was hit way too many times and way too hard, there’s no way he heard that correctly. The Trooper then took off his helmet and in all his confusion all Poe noted was how sweaty the kid was. And that he was a kid, face full of youth with eyes burdened with pain.

“Can you fly a TIE-fighter?”

“You’re with the Resistance?”

There wasn’t much going on in the Resistance that Poe didn’t know about, but you really never knew with Leia.

“What? No, no, no. I’m breaking you out. Can you fly a TIE-fighter—“

“I can fly anything”

Poe was more than confident in his abilities, he could and would get them out of here. There was also something else going on here that he couldn’t quite understand yet.

“Why? Why are you helping me?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do”

Poe had lived enough years to see through Bantha shit. While the kid definitely wasn’t evil or anything like that, Poe doubted he was acting on pure altruism.

They stared at each other for a moment, “You need a pilot”

Of course you couldn’t get far without someone competent flying you around.

“I need a pilot”

Poe’s smile was a bit deranged as he nodded his head, “We’re gonna do this”

“Yeah?”

The pair kept walking until they reached the flight deck.The Trooper was mumbling ‘Stay calm’ over and over again.

“I am calm” responded Poe

“I’m talking to myself”

Poe turned a bit to look at him with an incredulous look.

“Not yet” The Trooper said as they passed a group of officers and the Trooper spoke quietly, “Okay, go. This way”

They quickly ran towards and inside of the TIE-fighter. Poe got into the pilot seat and began taking off his jacket while FN-2187 got in the gunner seat behind him.

“I've always wanted to fly one of these things. Can you shoot?”

“Blasters, I can”

Poe was quickly pressing buttons and flipping switches to prepare for takeoff, “Okay, same principle. Use the toggle on the left to switch between missiles, cannons and mag pulse. Use the sight on the right to aim”

FN-2187 was panicking, but he’d come too far to fail now.

“Triggers to fire. This is very complicated” he said and then jumped when the fighter began moving.

They didn’t get very far as they were still hooked up to the fuel line, “I can fix this”

Poe sounded confident, but FN-2187 doubted him slightly by the amount of button clicking he heard. He couldn’t focus on that, because they’d been spotted and more Troopers rushed in to shoot them down.

He opened fire on them and the other ships in the dock.

“I got it” Poe said as they shot through the opening of the Star Destroyer at intense speed. FN-2187 felt Poe’s back hit his seat from the force of the fighter.

“This thing really moves”

FN-2187 felt his stomach lurch as Poe began evasive maneuvers as other TIE-fighter began pursuit and the Destroyer opened fire on them. “We gotta take out as many of these cannons as we can or we’re not gonna get very far”

FN-2187 realized it was up to him to shoot and shoot well. He didn’t have time to adapt to the erratic movement of the ship, he just began firing. Poe had moved them beneath the Destroyer, “Alright, I’m gonna get us in position. Just stay sharp. Up ahead! Up ahead! You see it? I got us dead center”

The Trooper did see it, every weapon on the Destroyer was aimed at them and he had to take care of them. He had to admit that Poe’s words did calm him down slightly and encourage him.

“Okay, got it” FN-2187 opened fire and rejoiced when the guns and cannons exploded.

“Yeah!” he cheered as Poe exclaimed in joy. “Did you see that!”

“I saw it!”

The spirit in the TIE had changed dramatically since they left and they were both feeling a high from adrenaline and freedom. “Hey, what’s your name?” Poe asked. If a Trooper is going to bust him out of his cell and risk his life alongside him the least he can do is know his name.

“FN-2187”

“F…What?”

“That’s the only name they ever gave me”

“Well I’m not using it. F-N, huh?…Finn. I’m gonna call you Finn. Is that alright?”

“Finn. Yeah. Finn. I like that. I like that!”

“I’m Poe. Poe Dameron”

“Good to meet you, Poe”

“Good to meet you too, Finn”

They both turned to look at each other with giant smiles on their faces. Their joy was interrupted by more incoming TIE-fighters, “One’s coming towards you! My right, your left”

“I see him” Finn said as he fired on them.

“Nice shot!” Poe said as he expertly flew them around the other ships. He really was an amazing pilot.

All seemed calm until Finn realized they were heading towards the miserable planet below them, “Where are we going?”

“We’re going back to Jakku. That’s where”

“No! We can’t go back to Jakku. We need to get out of this system!”

“I got to get my droid before the First Order does”

“What, a droid?!”

“That’s right. He’s a BB unit, orange and white. One of a kind” Poe said. He’d been worrying about BB-8 since his capture, his little guy was out there all alone. Poe loved BB-8 truly. He kept him company ever since Ben left and he reminded him so much of his Ben. BB-8 was also one of the few tangible ties he had to Ben.

“I don’t care what color he is! No droid can be that important”

“This one is, pal!”

“We gotta get as far away from the First Order as we can” Finn couldn’t believe this. Wasn’t Poe aware of the danger they were in?!

“We go back to Jakku, we die” he hoped his statement got the severity of their situation across to Poe.

“That droid has a comlink that transmits directly to Ben Solo!”

‘The runaway Jedi?!’

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me!!”

Before either of them could keep arguing they were hit and sent careening towards the surface of Jakku.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Finn abruptly opened his eyes and was blinded by the bright sun above him and the full body ache running through his body. He unbuckled himself from his seat and parachute and sat up. He was breathing heavily as he stood on unsteady feet.

He looked around the barren desert and saw smoke far off in the distance.

‘Poe’ he thought

When he finally reached the crashed TIE-fighter he took in the scorched and soot filled sand. The charred remains of the ship stood out against the environment, “Poe!” he shouted as he came to the front of the ship.

He stepped through fire and peered through the broken glass and all he found was Poe’s jacket.

He kept calling for him, but couldn’t keep inhaling smoke. He then heard creaking as the ship was swallowed by the desert. “Poe!” he shouted desperately as the fighter crumbled beneath the sand, he stood motionless.

Then jumped at the explosion.

The desert was absolutely miserable. Finn discarded piece after piece of his armor as he walked across the sand dunes. He eventually stripped down to his black bodysuit worn beneath the white armor, he used Poe’s jacket to shield him from the harsh sun.

After trekking through a sandstorm and endless dunes, Finn saw a settlement in the distance, deep below all the dunes and mountains. He just had to keep going for a little bit longer.

The only thing on Finn's mind as he raced through the marketplace was water. He was so close to giving up and all he needed was water, his hope was leaving him as he leant on a pole for support. Then he heard the sound of mercy.

Behind him was a giant animal drinking from a pool of water.

Finn could’ve wept. The water was absolutely disgusting, but he couldn’t exactly prioritize taste over survival. He was roughly shoved by the animal he was sharing the water with and turned his head to see a figure and droid be attacked.

“Hey!” he shouted as he ran over to them, but stopped as he saw the figure protect themselves extremely well with their bo staff. He watched as they fought with lethality and with brutal strength.

When they defeated their foes they turned their attention to the droid and took the sack of it. Finn couldn’t make out what they were saying, but the droid got his attention.

It was white and orange just like Poe described his own droid and Finn walked forward slightly.

The droid exclaimed loudly when they locked eyes and Finn began backing away when the figure started running at him. Finn darted between people and booths before being hit in the face with the figures' staff.

He was thrown on his back by the blow and meat rough sand beneath him.

“What’s your hurry, thief?” the figure asked

“Thief?!” Finn exclaimed before the droid came up to him and electrocuted him.

“Hey!”

“The jacket. This droid says you stole it”

The figure sounded extremely proper and reminded Finn of the commanding officers back in the Destroyers.

“Look, I’ve had a rough day and I’d appreciate it—“ Finn was interrupted by the droid electrocuting him again. “Ow! Stop it!”

“Where’d you get it? It belongs to his master”

Finn felt sadness weigh down his chest as he looked at the droid.

“It belonged to Poe Dameron. That was his name, right? He was captured by the First Order. I helped him escape, but our ship crashed. Poe didn’t make it”

The droid’s head went down as he let out a sad noise.

“I tried to help him…I’m sorry” Finn said but the droid just rolled away.

“So you’re with the Resistance?”

Finn realized he couldn’t exactly explain his situation without someone there to back him up. So he lied, “Obviously”

He got up to his feet and tried to appear confident in front of his attacker. His very beautiful attacker.

“Yes, I’m with the Resistance” he then lowered his voice, “With the Resistance”

His attacker looked at him with something like joy in their eyes, “I’ve never met a Resistance fighter before”. They had clear skin and intelligent green eyes, their brown hair was pulled from their face in three buns. They were lean with muscle and dressed in light colored robes.

“This is what we look like. Well some of us, we can look different”

“BB-8 told me he’s on a secret mission. He had to get back to the base”

“He has a comlink that connects directly to Ben Solo and the whole galaxy is after it”

They turned back to Finn, “Ben Solo? Who’s that?”

Before Finn could say anything else, BB-8 came back and was beeping rapidly. They ran after him and saw Storm Troopers about twenty feet in front of them. They were spotted and the Troopers opened fire on them.

Finn didn’t hesitate to grab their hand and yanked them along as they ran.

“What are you doing?!” they shouted

“C’mon BB-8!”

“I can run perfectly fine without you holding my hand”

The trio avoided blaster shots and eventually made it inside of an abandoned tent. “Why are they shooting at both of us?

“They saw you with me, you’re marked”

They gave him an exasperated look, “Marvelous”

“Does anyone have a blaster?!” Finn exclaimed as he rummaged around the tent.

They knelt down next to BB-8 and spoke calmly to him. Finn felt his heart drop when he heard an all too familiar sound.

“We gotta move, TIE’s are inbound”

As soon as they got outside more shots rained down on them. They didn’t get very far before being sent flying by a particularly close shot and Finn was out of it.

They scrambled over to Finn’s prone body and shook him, “You okay??” he asked as soon as he opened his eyes.

They looked puzzled by him, “Yeah. Let’s go”

Their hand was extended to Finn and lifted him up. They continued running as explosions sounded off around them and sand and smoke filled the air.

“We can’t outrun them!”

“We aren’t going to! We just need to get to the Quadjumper!” They pointed to a ship ahead of them

“We need a pilot!”

“We’ve got one” They shouted back as they held their arms out. They were obviously gesturing to themselves.

“What about that one? The ship over there” Finn said as he pointed to one to the right of them.

They looked at it and scoffed, “That one’s garbage!”

They were getting closer to the ship, it was sleek and fast, it was their salvation.

It exploded in front of them.

“The garbage will do”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Finn had been in two deadly and intense fights with TIE-fighters in one day and seriously needed to rest.

He couldn’t do that because Rey, they had shared their names after they successfully fought of and got away from the Order, was right about this ship being garbage.

Everything from the motivator to its system to supply air was on the brink of complete collapse.

Finn was looking for whatever a Harris wrench was as Rey was under the floor of the ship attempting to fix it.

“We need to get out of this system” Finn said as he finally found the wrench Rey had been asking for.

He knew he’d be killed if he was captured. He was a traitor, a deserter and a complete failure.

“I need to know where I’m taking you both. BB-8 said the location of your base was need to know” Rey said as she popped up from the floor. Finn felt anxious as he realized he had no idea where BB-8 needed to go.

He wasn’t actually a Resistance fighter, he was a former Storm Trooper who wanted to flee.

He needed to do something quick. He moved as Rey disappeared back under the floor.

Finn gestured for BB-8 to come closer and the droid did, “You gotta tell us where your base is, please”

BB-8 chirped a lot of sounds at him.

“I don’t speak that” Finn then lowered his voice, “Look…just between us. I’m not with the Resistance, okay?”

BB-8 moved away from Finn

“I’m just trying to get away from the First Order. If you tell me where the base is, I’ll make sure you get there first”

“Deal?”

BB-8 just stared at him, “Please droid”

Rey popped up from the floor and asked for a pilex driver, “So where’s the base?”

Finn hoped like he’d never hoped before.

“Go on, BB-8 tell her”

Rey turned to look at the droid who looked rapidly from Rey to Finn.

“Please” Finn whispered

BB-8 then responded

“The Ileenium system?!” Rey exclaimed

“Yup that’s the one” Finn said as he tossed Rey what she asked for. He gave BB-8 a thumbs up as she disappeared again and BB-8 responded with a flame.

“I’ll drop you two off at the Ponemah Terminal. Hand me some bonding tape”

“What about you?” Finn asked, did Rey seriously want to go back to that hellhole?

“I gotta get back to Jakku” she said and gave Finn a look like he was an idiot.

“Back to Jak—!! Why does everyone wanna go back to Jakku?” Finn exclaimed as he held out what he thought was bonding tape.

“It’s not that one. No…No…The one I’m pointing to. No. No. No! If we don’t patch this up the propulsion tank will overflow—“ Rey said said as she kept pointing to what she needed.

Finn kept aimlessly searching before BB-8 rolled over to a bright yellow roll of tape.

Finn crawled over to the hole Rey was working in, “Rey, you’re a pilot. Why would you go back? You have a family or a partner? A boyfriend, a cute boyfriend?”

He wasn’t stupid or blind. Rey was amazing, talented, strong and beautiful.

“None of your business, that’s why”

The power chose that moment to go and the room was painted red.

“That can’t be good”

“It’s not”

They got to the cockpit and sat in the chairs. Rey began flicking some switches, “Something’s locked on to us. All controls are overridden”

They heard clanking overhead and Finn quickly stood on top of the controls and roughly used Rey’s face to maintain balance.

“Get off!…What do you see?”

“Oh no”

They were being swallowed by a giant space transport, “It’s the First Order”

Rey looked uneasy, “There’s gotta be something we can do”.

Finn thought hard before remembering something Rey said earlier, “You said something about poisonous gas”

“I fixed that”

“Can you unfix it?”

Rey’s eyes widened before she got out of her seat and Finn was right behind her. They grabbed gas masks and headed back for the hole in the floor. Rey handed BB-8 to Finn and ignored how he buckled under the droid's weight.

“I’m okay”

Rey gasped as the power came back on and moved to drag the covering over them. Finn struggled to get BB-8 off of him as Rey moved to break what she had just fixed.

“Do you think this will work on the Storm Trooper?”

“Yeah, their masks filter out smoke not toxins”

Finn peeked through the opening as the noises got louder and closer, “Hurry Rey” he said as he got back down in the hole.

“Chewie…we’re home”

Chapter Text

Han Solo and Chewbacca were finally back on the Millennium Falcon.

It has been years since she was stolen from them and it felt so good to be back home. Han moved to look over the damage on one side of the ship and Chewie checked on the other side.

They both turned when they heard a noise coming from below the floor.

Chewie ripped off the floor and revealed three stowaways. Two kids wearing gas masks and a droid, wait a minute…

“You!” Han said as the droid beeped at him.

One of kids turned down to look at the droid then back at Han, “That’s Han Solo?!” she said with pure glee on her face

“The Rebellion general?!” the other kid said with great confusion

“No, the smuggler…so this must be the Millennium Falcon”

Chewie roared at them

“We have to get this droid back to his base. He’s with the Resistance”

“You can understand that thing?!”

“Hey! That ‘thing’ can also understand you so watch your mouth”

Han sighed as BB-8 got itself out of the floor and trailed after him, “How’d you get separated from Poe, you two are practically fused together”

“You knew his master?!”

“You knew Poe?!”

“Of course I know Poe, he’s practically family. Are you part of his squad or something? Where is he?”

The kids looked down at the floor before one of them responded, “Poe was captured by the First Order. I helped him escape, but we were shot down by TIE-fighters…he didn’t survive the crash”

Han felt his heart crack as Chewie growled sadly, “Oh no…”

The other kid got out from the floor and looked at him with calculating eyes, “I’m so sorry for your loss. You must’ve been very close”

Han sighed and placed a hand on the wall for support, “I’ve known him his whole life, brilliant kid, amazing pilot…”. Han couldn’t believe this, how could Poe be gone? Did Leia know? Was he on a secret mission or had more people been involved? Was Leia okay?

Did Ben know?

Han could only guess what would happen to Ben if he learned Poe was gone. Before anyone could say something loud noises came from outside.

“I hope the Rathtars didn’t get lose”

Han could use this distraction from the sorrow and loss eating away at him.

“Did you say Rathtars?”

“What’s a Rathtar?”

“It’s huge and extremely dangerous, how’d you get them onboard?”

“We used to have a bigger crew”

Everyone ran outside and huddled around Han as the older man looked around on a screen in front of him.

“Good news is that’s it’s not the Rathtars...the bad news is that it’s the Guavian Death Gang, Must have tracked us from Nantoon”

“C'mon we have to handle the Gang and get this little guy back to the base…King Prana won’t be getting his shipment anytime soon…we need to hide these guys” Han said to Chewie as he led the kids through the winding halls of the Eravana.

Han led them to a hallway and Chewie opened a compartment in the floor and ordered them to get in until they found a way to deal with the Death Gang. BB-8 stayed close to Han’s side.

“What are you gonna do?” Rey asked. She was obviously concerned for Han and Chewie.

“Same thing I always do. Talk my way out of it” Han said

Chewie and BB-8 made doubtful noises.

“Yes. I do. Every time. BB-8 go hide inside a wall or something”

The Death Gang entered the hallway and their leader stepped forward, “Han Solo. You’re a dead man”

“Bala-Tik. What’s the problem?”

“The problem is we loaned you 50,000 for this job and we’d like our money back”

“You think hunting Rathtars is cheap?! I spent that money”

Finn and Rey crawled under the floor and peered up at the new arrivals. The Death Gang looked exactly like you’d expect a Death Gang to look like.

“They have blasters” Finn whispered

“We need to do something” Rey whispered back

They overheard Han trying to smooth the situation over, but it sounded like it wasn’t going well.

“We want our money back and so does Kanjiklub”

“I never made a deal with Kanjiklub!”

“Kanjiklub has a different story…they should be arriving any moment”

Rey's eyes widened, they’d be even more outnumbered if another group of criminals came and found them. What would happen to Han and Chewie? What would happen to BB-8!?

The sound of doors opening alerted everyone and Rey and Finn covered their heads as blaster shots rang through the hallway.

When it was finally over they heard a new voice.

It was deep and rich, “You’ve got some stowaways”

Suddenly the panel over their heads was opened and a blaster was pointed at them.

“Wait, wait Bandit…they’re okay. I know them” Han said as he appeared over the newcomer's shoulder.

Bandit stood and holstered his blaster.

Finn and Rey slowly got out from the floor and stared at Bandit. He had black hair that looked incredibly soft and there were pieces framing his face and falling into his eyes. He had full pink lips and he had charming moles scattered across his pale skin.

His eyes were dark and framed by even darker lashes.

Finn felt uneasy by the look Bandit had. His eyes were mistrusting and haughty, like he knew something about the two of them. Finn immediately started panicking that he’d been found out, he also didn’t like how Bandit was staring at Rey.

It wasn’t…perverse, but it wasn’t normal. It felt like he was starting into her soul.

He was wearing a loose white shirt that was tucked into his pants and a dark vest, a matching dark bandana tied around his pale neck. A pair of goggles hung by his exposed collarbones.

He had tight, black pants and heavy black boots covering his long legs. He had a thigh holster for his blaster and a large utility belt on his narrow waist that had many attachments.

Bandit was also huge, he stood at a towering height and had broad shoulders.

He turned to Han with a slight smirk, “New crew members? I don’t remember them from last time”

“Not exactly…” Han began

“Who are you?” Rey asked as she looked at the pile of bodies at the end of the hallway and back at Bandit.

Finn didn’t like the awestruck expression on her face. The way her bright green eyes ran over Bandit like he was some kind of legend or something.

“I’m—“

Before Bandit could answer BB-8 came out from his hiding spot and began making circles around Bandit. A huge grin split the man’s face.

“BB-8! It’s so good to see you!” he exclaimed as he kneeled before the droid. He placed his large hands on the droid and listened intently to whatever the droid was booping at him. He then began whistling Binary at the droid.

“M-mother?” Rey said, her words full of confusion and Bandit let out a small laugh.

“He means maker. I made him for someone very special to me…Poe. Is he here?” Bandit stood up quickly and looked around.

Rey felt incredibly sad when she realized that this man also knew Poe and would have to hear the terrible news. He looked so happy at the thought of Poe being here. She spared a glance at Han and he looked even worse than before, so did the Wookie.

Bandit finally looked at Finn and looked extremely annoyed, “That’s my jacket”

“BB-8 said it belonged to his master…Poe Dameron” Rey said

“Yeah, it was mine before I gave it to him. Where’d you get that jacket!?” Bandit shouted as his eyebrows narrowed in anger.

Finn felt anxious and in danger as he answered, it felt like the room was darkening around them, “Poe was captured by the First Order, I helped him escape, but our ship was chased down by TIE-fighter, we crashed on Jakku…all I found was this jacket. I’m sorry, Poe didn’t make it”

For a moment everything was calm and silent, then Bandit raised his arm in the air and Finn felt himself being yanked across the room by nothing.

The tips of his shoes made a weird sound as they skidded across the floor and he found himself held by the neck by Bandit, “You’re lying”

Bandit practically growled at Finn and his eyes seemed to glow with unbridled anger.

“Hey! Leave him alone”. Rey said but she couldn't bring herself to move, something was stopping her from moving. Bandit’s grip on Finn’s neck tightened and Han tried to get him to let him go.

“I know you’re lying, I feel you're hiding the truth. What really happened?” Bandit said in a dark voice.

Finn’s eyes widened and realized he’d been found out, “I don’t know what you’re talking about”

He felt intense grief surround him and an agony unlike anything he ever felt before entered his veins and turned them to ice.

“Stop lying! I’ll get the truth out of you one way or another. If you’d prefer to be spared from such pain, then I suggest you start talking. Tell me the truth”

Finn looked around for anything to help him but he couldn’t think straight with Bandit squeezing his throat shut.

“Okay! I’m not with the Resistance, I’m a defective Storm Trooper. I needed a pilot to run away and Poe just happened to be on the ship I was on. It was an easy plan, break out Ren’s prisoner and bargain to get far away from the Order. I didn’t know he was on a secret mission on Jakku to find Ben Solo! I didn’t know he’d go back for his droid and we’d get shot down before we made it to the planet, everything else I said was true! Poe didn’t make it”

Ben flipped through Finn’s recent memories like a book. He saw him hesitating on Jakku and being threatened by Captain Phasma. He saw as Finn and Poe talked, Poe looked so hopeful, full of bravado and charm.

He saw as they stole the TIE-fighter and cheered and laughed as they shot down their enemies. He saw as Poe asked for Finn’s name and learned of the scramble of letters and numbers the Order had given the kid.

Ben’s heart swelled when Poe gave Finn his name.

That’s what Ben loved most about Poe. His never ending compassion for others, his giant heart that was full of love.

Bandit dropped Finn to the floor and Finn took in deep breaths. Rey could finally move and rushed to check on Finn, Bandit looked completely lost.

Tears filled his eyes as his hands shook with rage, ‘Poe was looking for him?! He was on Jakku?!’

“Ben…son, just breathe” Han said as he placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder. Chewie also tried comforting Ben along with BB-8.

Rey looked up when she heard the name, “You’re Ben? Ben Solo”

Rey had also felt the intense grief surrounding her and now she felt absolute self loathing as Ben leant heavily into the Wookie. He pulled on his hair as a single tear fell from his eyes, “He was looking for me. He was on Jakku…Ren must’ve recognized him…I got him killed”

“Don’t say that! You didn’t kill him!” Han said as he tried to shake Ben out of his rising self hatred. The entire hallway had been enveloped by Ben’s feelings as he lost all control of his powers.

The hallway started creaking as Ben let out a burst of energy, sparks and glass cracked all over the room as the weight of Ben’s emotion took hold of the hallway.

“What’s happening?” Rey asked as she looked around the hallway. She was kneeling next to Finn and rubbing back in a comforting matter.

Finn finally regained control of his breathing, “If he’s Ben Solo…then he’s the runaway Jedi”

“Jedi?! Was that the Force?”

Rey had heard legends from visiting pilots and bounty hunters on Jakku her whole life.

She thought it was a myth or something. The idea that beings existed that could harness the essence of the universe and channel it through them to achieve impossible feats was incredibly fascinating to her.

“There’s no time for that now! We have to get out of here” Han said and Ben shook his head.

“I’m going to find Ren”

“No! You go against him in this state you’ll get yourself killed or worse!” Han said as his hands tightened on Ben’s shoulders.

“I’d deserve it, I got him killed. My Akisi…I told him everything would be fine, I lied to him, I didn’t tell anyone about Ren, about how Ren might know who he is to me and my lies and secrecy got him killed” Ben said as he began spiraling.

How could he be so stupid?! In all the battles he fought with Ren they’d both entered each others mind and dragged out memories to hurt each other with. Ren was all too pleased with himself when he found out who Poe was to him.

“Your Akisi, huh? Don’t you know that’s a Sith word, kid?”

Rey felt something in her make her move.

She didn’t know why she moved or what she was going to say. She had just met Ben and as far as first impressions go, theirs was pretty lousy. Despite all that she still felt like she needed to comfort him.

“Poe wouldn’t want that for you. He wouldn’t want someone so important to him to go and get himself killed. He loved you, everything BB-8 told me about the two of you sounded like a story. I didn’t think two people could care about each other that much, but I see it now. If you get yourself killed now then Poe’s sacrifice will be for nothing”

Ben turned to look at Rey and the moment their eyes met, something clicked.

Ben couldn’t describe what was happening but it felt like a piece of himself he’d been missing was found, it reminded him of the feeling of being a scared child that sought comfort in his parents.

It felt like…family.

Ben nodded slowly as he took in Rey’s words, he kept staring at her with an odd expression.

“Do I know you?” he asked

Maybe he’d seen her face before, maybe she was one of the people he freed during his travels. Maybe she was also in the Resistance.

Rey also felt like she knew the man standing before her, “No, I’d remember meeting someone like you. I’m Rey”

“Ben Solo” he said as he held his hand out for Rey to shake. She took it and when their hands touched Ben felt something race through him.

Rey must’ve felt it too because she gasped, “What was that?”

“You’re like me…the Force is very strong with you, I’m sorry for causing a scene and hurting your friend. You can understand the amount of pain I’m feeling right now. We need to get moving another ship just docked, armed men, very angry”

“Yeah it’s probably Kanjiklub” Han said and Ben nodded before turning back down the hallway.

“I landed by the Falcon, tell GeeGee to bring the Eravana to the base and I’ll meet you there. I’ll take care of this” Ben said as he walked forward and prepared for Kanjiklub and his men.

“What are you going to do, fight them all at once?” Finn said

“I could use the exercise” Ben said flatly as he continued walking down the hallway.

Rey felt her mind reeling and it left her feeling unsettled.

First, she left Jakku with a Resistance fighter who used to be a Storm Trooper. Then, she met Han Solo and Chewbacca and apparently stole back the Millennium Falcon. And lastly, she met the runaway Jedi, Ben Solo and he told her she was strong with the Force.

He had to be mistaken. Rey was not special, she was just a scavenger. Orphaned and abandoned, nothing to no one.

“C’mon kids, we gotta move” Han shouted and Finn once again took Rey’s hand.

Han just huffed and led the others down the hallway, Rey spared on last look at Ben as the doors in front of him opened. He took something from his belt and as they turned down another passage he was out of view. The last thing Rey saw was a bright blue light encompassing the hallway.

“So it’s true? The runaway Jedi, he’s incredibly strong with the Force and the whole First Order is after him!” Finn said as they ran towards the Falcon.

“He’s not just some runaway Jedi. He’s my son” Han said as they finally reached the landing bay.

Rey gasped at the menacing black ship resting next to the Falcon. A dark silver droid with bright golden eyes appeared on the boarding ramp.

“Master Solo! Where is the young Master? He went looking for you” GeeGee said as Han stopped at a screen and began tapping it.

“GeeGee, Ben is fine he’ll be joining us on the Falcon. I need you to take the Eravana and the Grimtaash to the Resistance base. Don’t take any detours and don’t stop moving. Tell them that we sent you when you arrive and everything will be fine, okay?”

“Of course, Master Solo. Please take care of the young Master”

BB-8 chirped the location of the base at GeeGee before speeding up the ramp.

As everyone got aboard the Falcon, Rey caught Finn staring at her. He’d been doing that a lot since they met, but this stare felt different.

“What is it?”

“Aren’t you angry with me?” Finn said and Rey quirked an eyebrow

“Why would I be?”

“Because I lied. I’m not with the Resistance, I was with the First Order”

“Yeah, you were with the First Order. You helped a Resistance pilot escape and are now helping a droid return to his base…I think that counts as joining” Rey said with a smile

Finn just stared at her like she was the sun.

The Falcon started up and Finn and Rey gripped the ramp for support as she became airborne.

“What about Ben?!” Rey yelled and suddenly Ben came skidding into the room. Finn paled when he realized there was some blood staining his boots. Ben ran towards the ship before jumping incredibly high and landing on the ramp with ease.

“Let’s get out of here!” he yelled as entered the main hull of the Falcon.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Ben let out a deep sigh as he tried to mediate aboard the Falcon.

He tried to work through his grief, but it felt like it was consuming him. He felt like everything he’s been working towards for the last eight years was for nothing.

It didn’t matter how strong he got, how much control he gained over himself and his powers or how much he learned…he still lost Poe. He still lost the love of his life and the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

The man who always made him feel whole and loved. Who never doubted him or feared him. Who treated him like he was the most important thing in his life. His first love, his only love. The man he’ll love until he dies and even in death Ben would love him.

Now he had nothing.

‘No, that’s not true…he still had his father and mother and his Uncles and Aunt and…

“Are you alright?”

Ben opened his eyes and came face to face with Rey. The young girl was looking at him with concerned eyes and Ben found the same feeling from before rushing through his mind.

“I’m as fine as I can be” Ben said with wry smile

Ben noticed how Finn was watching them from where he sat by the sabacc table. Ben could sense that Finn didn’t like him very much and he could sense that Finn liked Rey very much.

Ben wanted to scoff at the former Trooper’s jealousy, but remembered how he was around that age. Always wanting to attack anyone who looked at Poe for too long or got too close.

Just the thought of Poe caused a vice grip to encircle his heart. He wouldn’t ever feel Poe’s presence, hear his melodic voice or laugh, smell his earthy and spiced scent. He’d lost him.

Rey took in his words before speaking again, “I don’t mean to bother you, but you must realize how many questions I have”

Ben did feel the yearning coming off the young girl. She was practically oozing curiosity and wonder.

He had been right in his assessment of her, she was bright with the Force and incredibly strong. She reminded him of his mother, how they both walked with ease in the Light.

“Ask me then”

Rey balked at his response, like she hadn’t expected it to be this easy. Ben had to laugh and Rey joined him.

It felt easy to speak with Ben and Rey needed to know why.

“Did you mean what you said? About me being strong with the Force?”

“Yes. I sense it, you’re glowing with Light and power. I’ve never met someone who’s as strong as you”

Rey flushed at that, “You must not have met many people with the Force”

“I have. We’re drawn to each other and I used to go to school to be trained” Ben didn’t like how quick Rey was to doubt herself.

“There’s a school?!”

Ben smiled, “Yeah there is…my uncle runs it. He’s Luke Skywalker”

“Luke Skywalker?! I thought he was a myth”

“No. He’s very much real…he usually goes around finding other Force sensitives. Where were you from before you joined the Resistance?” Ben couldn’t see why someone as strong as Rey wasn’t sensed by his uncle. She must’ve lived somewhere really far.

“I’m not with Resistance…I don’t think so at least. I’m from Jakku, I found BB-8 and got tangled up in all of this”

“You’re from Jakku?” Ben said and he seemed much more alert than before.

“Yeah, I am” Rey didn’t understand why that was important to Ben

“While I was on my journey I often went to Jakku to get more information from an old friend. Every time I landed I felt a call to someone through the Force, I thought it was my empath powers picking up on the feelings of the planet, but overtime I realized there must be a Force sensitive on the planet…no matter how much I looked I couldn’t find them”

Rey felt her eyes begin to water, ‘Someone was looking for her’

“I think that person was you. I think I’m meant to help you”

“Help me become a Jedi?” Rey couldn’t believe this. Was this really happening or some fantastic dream?

“If that’s what you want. I’m no Jedi…I left the Code and the Temple long ago…but I can take you to people who can help you…if you’d like” Ben felt like he was responsible for what happened to Rey. He needed to make sure she was okay and happy.

“I…I have to return to Jakku. After I get BB-8 to his base” Rey said. She spent all her life hoping for her family to return to her and without that hope she’d have nothing.

“You’ve been abandoned” Ben said and Rey felt ice in her heart. “They’ll come back, one day”

Ben sighed, “If that’s what you want…I’ll deliver you back to your home myself”. Ben didn’t need to question why he felt drawn to Rey or why he felt so protective of her.

This was the Force at work, unexplainable things that occurred for unknown reasons that didn’t really make sense and only got more confusing the more you thought about it and simultaneously made the most sense ever.

They were interrupted by an alarm going off and Ben quickly got up and headed for the cockpit.

Rey continued sitting in her spot until Finn walked over to her, “Are you okay?”

Rey looked up at him with a small smile and accepted his hand. Finn lifted her to her feet and made no attempt to let go of her hand, “I’m alright Finn. Just thinking…”

Finn nodded and they both walked towards the cockpit. Rey let go of his hand and went to stand by Ben who was leaning on his fathers chair. Finn stood behind Chewie’s.

“We’re gonna need to land somewhere, the Falcon’s more damaged than we thought” Han said and Chewie howled in agreement.

Ben hummed and looked at the star chart, “We’re around Takodana, we could stop to fix the ship safely there”

Chewie roared at him, “I’m sure she’ll be glad to see us furball” Han said

“Takodana it is”

When they finally entered Takodana’s atmosphere Rey let out a gasp.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked and Rey seemed hypnotized by what see was seeing.

“I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole galaxy”

Everyone else in the cockpit shared a look as Rey continued looking out the window.

Ben could sense his fathers growing fondness for the two kids. Chewie had also grown a soft spot for them. How could they not? Two kids lost and alone, just trying to survive and do the right thing because deep down despite all the pain and suffering life has given them…they were still good people.

When they landed the ship Chewie volunteered to stay and fix the ship. Finn also agreed to help him and had to come to terms with what his plan was and what it is now.

Ben walked ahead of Han and Rey with BB-8 by his side.

“Ben told me he offered his help to you and you responded by saying you need to return to Jakku” Han said and Rey looked embarrassed.

“Is that all he said?”

“He didn’t have to tell me the rest. I was born on Corellia, no family I remember and nothing but a first name. An Imperial officer gave me my last name when I was around your age. I recognize the look in your eyes, the need to prove yourself, the weight of having to fend for yourself your whole life”

Rey felt her lower lip quiver as Han kept talking, “I don’t believe the Force controls my destiny…but I have to admit that it was a strange set of circumstances that led me to where I am now. And I’m thankful for it, thankful to have met Chewie and then Luke on Tatooine all those years ago. Thankful to have met Leia and have a family, to have Ben…my most precious and valuable gift…I learned much later in life than I should’ve, that family can be found, it has nothing to do with just blood”

Rey felt something very warm wrap around her tighter and tighter as Han spoke. She realized after a moment that this was comfort, she felt comfort as Han revealed that their pasts weren’t so different and that maybe their futures could also have similarities.

Han smiled at her, “It’s just something to think about, I know my boy’s not the best at first impression and he can be intense…so intense, he means well”

Rey looked up ahead at Ben speaking Binary with BB-8 and felt her sadness disappear slightly.

“Maybe I should think more about my future than my past”

They continued walking and came to a stop in front of a giant castle made of stone. There were many people bustling around the surrounding area and tons of ships.

“BB-8 stay close to me” Ben said and the droid obeyed. Han led them into the castle and seemed slightly anxious.

“You okay?” Ben asked and Rey smiled, “I’m okay”

“Listen when we get in here we need to maintain a low profile, just keep to yourself…don’t draw any attention—“

“HAN SOLO” a loud voice exclaimed and the entire room went silent.

Standing in the middle of the room was the short orange alien that had shouted at them.

“Maz” Han replied with a smile before they were ushered to a table.

Maz was quick to cup Ben’s face and affectionately brush his hair, “Ben…how handsome you’ve become my child”

Ben smiled bashfully and held Maz’s wrist in his much larger hand, “It’s so good to see you, Auntie. I hope you’ve been well”

Maz smiled before turning to Han, “What brings you here, Han? And where’s my boyfriend?”

“Chewie is fixing the ship…a lot had happened recently”

Rey sat silently as Han and Ben filled Maz in on everything that’s happened lately. The woman sat back in defeat as she heard about Poe, “The loss of young Dameron is much too hard. As is the news of Ren hunting you”

Ben sighed, “It’s nothing new…I’ve been hounded by the Dark my whole life, I was a fool to think that would ever change”

“You are no fool Ben, but you will turn yourself into one if you allow your pain to consume you. You’re a survivor, blessed with gifts that had long been believed extinct and you’ve been led to the aid of another…” Maz then turned to Rey and adjusted her glasses.

Rey felt slightly uncomfortable as the woman stared so intently at her, it felt like Maz was seeing into her soul.

“If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people. You’ve suffered so much, Rey. So much has been taken from you and so much has been denied. You are not unworthy of a family, you just have to be brave enough to accept love”

Rey looked quickly at Han and Ben and saw them already looking at her, “I—“

Before Rey could speak a deafening sound ripped across the sky.

Ben got up from his seat immediately, “Ren is here” is all he said before he ran outside, BB-8 right behind him.

“Ben don’t” Han said as he followed after him, Rey was about to follow, but Maz stopped her.

“You are a Dyad with Ben, I’m positive he knows and doesn’t know how to tell you. There’s no time to tell you more, but you’ll know soon enough what your part in all this is. Don’t hide from him, you were meant to find each other”

Rey looked at Maz before nodding her head in understanding.

Ben reached the outside of the castle and took all the TIE-fighter’s shooting down at the ground. He also noticed some ships carrying Troopers land in the forest.

Ben hid behind a wall and began firing shots from his blasters at the incoming Troopers. He was interrupted by Finn all but running into him, “Ben! The First Order! Chewie is getting the Falcon ready, but we won’t be able to get out of here safely unless we have some air support!”

Ben sighed as he thought about their options and roughly yanked Finn down as more shots were fired at him, “We’ll think of something”

“Where’s Rey?!” Finn asked and Ben quickly turned to see his father running towards them, “Ben!”

“Where’s Rey?!” Ben yelled at him and Han turned back around before quickly ducking low as more and more shots were fired at them.

“She’s still with Maz, she should be out soon, we need to shoot our way out here and get to the Falcon!” Han said and Ben nearly responded before he felt a familiar voice in his ear.

He let out a pained groan as Ren entered his mind, he was close by. Images of a lush forest flitted across Ben’s eyes.

He realized now what he needed to do.

He quickly whistled at BB-8 and expected the displeased beeps and shouts.

“We’re out of time buddy, just be good. You accomplished your mission, thank you for watching out for Poe when I couldn’t. Now I’m asking you to watch out for Rey. She’s important…much more important than you can imagine” Ben said in Binary.

A part of him knew this was wrong. That he should have faith and that he should want to survive this battle. A larger part wanted to give up, he was in so much pain and it would only get darker and darker and heavier and heavier. This is what Uncle Luke warned him about all those years ago.

This is what happens when a Jedi has an attachment and loses them.

His grief was twisting in his mind and becoming a monster. He wanted to kill and maim and cause suffering. He wanted the whole galaxy to feel what he was feeling and he was so tired of hiding it and holding it in.

Tired of trying to meditate and tune out the agony of the galaxy. Tune out his father and uncle’s own grief and worry and put on a brave face for Rey.

He knew that she was his Dyad.

They were linked together now and he’d only cause her more pain and torment. He couldn’t do that to her.

“Ben, what are you talking about?!” Han shouted and BB-8 nodded in understanding.

“I’ll draw their fire, make sure you get Rey and head for the Falcon…tell mom I’m sorry when you see her” Ben said as he unholstered his blaster and handed it to Finn.

“You’re a good guy, Finn. I see why Poe trusted you. Take care of Rey, she’ll need you”

“Why are you talking like this? What are you gonna do?!” Finn shouted as Ben stood.

“Ben, get back down here!!” Han shouted as he watched his son take a deep breath and took out his lightsaber from his belt.

“Get Rey to mom and Uncle Luke! They’ll know what to do!” he said as he ignited his saber and vaulted over the wall.

He got into a Soresu stance and effortlessly blocked and returned blaster shots from the Storm Troopers, “Go! Go now!” Ben shouted before running into the woods.

“Ben!!!!” Han shouted as he watched his boy disappear through the thick branches of the trees.

Han watched helplessly as his son slipped right out from under him, Ben was running toward his death.

Rey soon ran out of the building and slid next to them, she looked different. Like she had hope, “Where’s Ben?” she asked and Han couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“Han!! What’s happening, Finn?!”

“Ben’s gone to face Ren—“

“He’ll get himself killed! He’s not in the right state of mind!” Rey shouted, her eyes burning bright.

BB-8 was beeping rapidly at her and she nodded before grabbing Ben’s blaster from Finn, “Get to the Falcon and come back and get us! I’ll bring him back I promise”

Han stared at Rey and for a second he swore she was someone else.

“Rey!!” Finn shouted, but Han stood and grabbed Finn by the jacket

“C’mon kid, you heard her!”

Ben ran through the forest and was mercilessly striking down Troopers left and right. He felt his mind retreat into himself and let his emotions take over. He didn’t care what he was doing, he wasn’t really aware of it. If he wasn’t cutting them down with his saber, then he was sending them flying with the Force.

All his pain and anger seeping out of him and darkening the forest.

“Yikes kid…who knew you had it in you” Ren said as he stood atop a fallen tree, he wasn’t wearing his helmet and Ben felt the urge to cleave his head off his body.

Ben had just stabbed his lightsaber through a Trooper with so much force that it brought him to his knees. He stood on steady feet and tried to get his chest to stop heaving with each breath.

His blue saber burning brightly in his left hand.

“Ren” he snarled as he lifted his saber to be prepared to fight Ataru style, “I’ve come to kill you”

“Kill me?!” Ren said in mock surprise

“What could possibly make you wanna do that, kid…oh…you heard about your pilot. It was out of my hands, really. How was I supposed to know he’d break so easily?”

Ben let out an angry yell and charged at Ren.

Ren was quick to respond and they both clashed with a viscous amount of force.

Ben used his environment to his advantage, using the fallen trees around them as leverage and jumping at Ren from different sides. He was quick with his movements and never stayed in one place for long.

“Just feel it kid, feel all that anger in you…let it flow” Ren said as he met all of Ben’s attacks with a wild smile on his face.

“Shut up!” Ben screamed as he sent Ren backward with the Force.

Ren groaned as he felt a crushing weight force him into the ground.

“If I had known all I needed to do for you to fall into such darkness was get that pretty boy pilot killed I would’ve done it years ago”

Ben felt white hot rage and shame fill his veins and he flung Ren across the forest and felt satisfied as he hit a tree roughly, pieces of wood splintered off the trunk.

He was about to head over to him and finish the job
when he felt a familiar presence enter the clearing.

“Ben!” Rey yelled as she reached him, her hand grabbing his forearm in a tight hold.

“Don’t do this…come on we can go” she said

“I told them to get you out of here, I have to do this”

“You’ll get killed” she said sadly and Ben felt guilt grip his heart

They were interrupted by Ren getting to his feet, he was badly hurt and was using a tree to support him, “Who’s this?” he said as his eyes roamed Rey.

Rey’s eyes widened as she took in Ren’s scarred body and the heavy darkness radiating off him.

“Replaced Dameron already, Solo? I thought he was your Akisi? I thought he was the reason you were fighting so hard to be good?”

Rey was quick to fire blaster shots at Ren but he froze them and her.

“She’s not part of this Ren” Ben said as he slowly circled around the man, putting his body in front of Rey’s.

Ren continued staring at Rey and she struggled against the Force holding her down as he entered her mind. Ren was surprised when he felt resistance in her and she fought against his intrusion.

“I was just joking before, but…there’s something about this girl. The Emperor will be most intrigued by her…” Ren said as he stared at Rey in fascination.

Ben growled, “Over my dead body will you get her”

“You’re too valuable to kill, kid. But I can maim you” Ren said as others entered the clearing. The rest of the Knights surrounded them and Ben stood in front of Rey’s frozen body and got into Soresu form once more, his blade held above his head and hand in front of him.

Ben had been trained almost exclusively in Soresu, it came naturally to him when he was a boy. It was only when he got older that Luke allowed him to learn different and more lethal forms, even then Ben could sense how anxious his abilities cause his Uncle.

Ben breathed deeply and shut his eyes. He only opened them when they attacked, Cardo and Bazzo attacked him as Massif helped Ren stand on his own feet. Ben now had a new sense of drive as he fought off the other Knights.

It wasn’t like before when he encountered them on distant moons or strange cities. He wasn’t just fighting for his survival, but for Rey’s.

Ben felt himself be drawn away from Rey as he fought off the two Knights and didn’t have a choice but to continue fighting and not turn his back on the two.

Rey felt panic seize over her as she watched Ben fight with two different Knights. Their lightsabers were an angry shade of red. She knew Ben could handle them, he was strong and wise…but she was still worried for him.

Her brief but intense talk with Maz was still in her mind. What exactly was a Dyad? Why were they meant to find each other? Rey felt her cheeks heat up at that.

She knew that she found Ben attractive, anyone with eyes could appreciate a man like him, she wouldn’t say that she fancied him or anything serious like that.

She felt an unexplainable kinship with the man. She felt that they had to stick together and look out for one another. She also knew that Ben’s heart already belonged to another, there was no way that what Ben felt for her and what he’d been expressing was romantic.

He obviously also felt the kinship they shared.

Ren finally began walking around the clearing, intently watching Ben’s fight and nursing a wound on his side, he raised his hand and motioned for the other Knights to move towards Rey.

“Secure the girl, Vicrul. Marinda, Fyodor get the transport ready”

Rey finally felt herself be released from the hold as Vicrul roughly grabbed her arm. She didn’t hesitate to elbow them roughly in the stomach. She moved quickly as they let out a pained groan and grabbed their arm, yanking them over her shoulder and slammed them onto the floor.

She grabbed the blaster off the floor and began shooting at Ren and the Knight protecting him.

Rey desperately looked around for anything to use to their advantage and was overjoyed with what she saw in the sky. Overhead Resistance X-wings appeared and began firing on the attacking TIE-fighters.

“Fall back!” Ren’s order was nearly lost as a TIE-fighter crashed a few meters away from them. Rey was thrown backwards and so was Ben, he groaned as he rolled on to his stomach and attempted to crawl to her.

“Rey” he wheezed, “We need to go…now!”

The Falcon appeared at the same time as a First Order transport, “Seize them!” Ren ordered as he turned to their transport.

Rey was once again surrounded by Vicrul and Bazzo and they seized both her arms and lifted her up. Rey let out a shout as she kicked at them, she turned to see Ben be grabbed by two other Knights but he landed a kick to their face and managed to get to his feet.

The Falcon began shooting at them and Rey heard Finn’s yelling as he came down from the boarding ramp, blaster in hand.

“We won’t be able to get both of them, Master!!” Fyodor said as the Knights attempted to block the blaster shots.

“We won’t have to” He raised his hand and Ben found himself flying backwards again.

“Ben!!!” Rey shouted as she watched him be sent across the clearing. Finn kneeled by Ben’s thrown body and dragged him onto his back and tried to get him to open his eyes.

Before Rey could do anything she was being lifted by all four of her limbs and the grip on her only tightened as she continued to struggle, “Ben!!!! Finn!!”

“Rey!!” she heard before Ren appeared before her, he held his palm in front of her face and Rey lost consciousness.

The last thing she heard was Ben’s agonizing screams of her name.

Chapter Text

Poe was genuinely surprised when he arrived on Takodana in response to an assault by the Knights of Ren and the First Order and saw the Millenium Falcon.

Last he heard, Han was transporting illegal goods as cover for smuggling supplies for the Resistance. Everyone in Poe’s life was doing their best to aid the Resistance and help their friends.

Poe supposed that Han could’ve changed his plans, even if someone had informed Poe he wouldn’t have known. He has been feeling out of it for days now.

He had failed his mission, he lost BB-8, the comlink to Ben and nearly died in the Jakku desert. He had no idea what happened to Finn or if the former Trooper was even alive.

He nearly allowed himself to die in the desert as punishment for his actions, but was spared of his grim fate by Naka It. The scavenger had a good heart and no love for the First Order and provided Poe with a ship.

He was able to contact and plan to rendezvous with his squad and make it back to D'qar.

It was late in the night when he reached the base, he was greeted by Leia.

Her hair was held high on her head in elegant buns, gold earrings hanging from her ears. She was wearing a simple, but well made sky blue tunic and matching pants. She had a matching cloak with gold detailing hanging from her shoulders.

She didn’t have to say anything, she took in his beaten up face, lack of BB-8 and the jacket Ben had given him and his general dishevelment.

Poe tried to put on a brave face as he addressed her, “I’m sorry General, but I failed my mission. I sent BB-8 off with Ben’s comlink but I was unable to return to retrieve him. The First Order captured me, but I was able to escape…I—“

Poe was interrupted by Leia hugging him tightly, “I’m just glad you’re alive”

Poe returned her hug as tears fell from his eyes, “I feel more distant from him than ever before. What if he doesn’t know that the First Order is making their big move and something happe-happens to him…I couldn’t take it if I lost him for good”

Poe was falling apart so fast that he couldn’t even feel shame. It felt like the night Ben left all those years ago, he felt hopeless.

Leia rubbed his upper back softly, “That won’t happen Poe. He’s been surviving and fighting off Ren for years now…Han told me and we, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I knew you’d drop everything to go to him and Ben needs to see his journey through”

Poe can’t even bring himself to be mad. They were right, the second Poe actually learned that the First Order was after Ben he felt like he’d been shot. He was in his X-wing minutes after being debriefed and hadn’t spared a glance at any of the other pilots.

No one really knew about his relationship with Ben. Snap and Jess were who he was closest to on Base and all they knew was that he was close to the General all his life, a family friend.

It’d put an even bigger price on his head if anyone knew how special he was to Ben.

Not many knew Ben when he was just Ben, before becoming the runaway Jedi. They didn’t know about the sweet boy who liked art and reading, they didn’t know of the boy who walked the tight line of the Force. The boy who had to live with the voices of the universe in his head.

They don’t know the boy who’d dry Poe’s tears, who’d wrap him in the safest hugs or kiss him with enough love to bring even the most heartless of villains to their knees.

“I just want him back, I don’t care if it’s selfish and I don’t care what that says about me. These eight years have been torture without him, I can’t keep surviving on Han’s reassurances…I need Ben back with me”

“He will be…I feel things changing. It reminds me of what I felt when I met Luke, there’s a strong feeling of hope”

Poe looked down at the Princess, “Hope? It feels like everything is falling apart? How can you feel hope?”

Leia smiled softly and mused his hair, “Hope is like the sun Poe. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you’ll never make it through the night”

Poe spent all night thinking of Leia’s words and felt slightly better by morning.

The only thing that kept him going was also what was killing him. Loving Ben and being apart from him was like a double edged sword. Everything he was fighting for, everything that powered him to get up again and again was also his greatest weakness.

He had hope, he couldn’t afford not to. He had to hope that everything would turn out well and that he’d survive the war and that they’d win. He had to hope that Ben was safe wherever he was and that they’d reunite one day.

Hopefully soon.

Poe got down from his X-wing as he safely landed on D’qar. He felt good despite all the hardships he faced this week, he couldn’t describe these feelings he was having, but he wasn’t going to question them.

He knew he was stalling, he didn’t think he could handle heading towards the Falcon. He was scared to greet Han and be told that Ben wasn’t okay, Poe knew he shouldn’t think so negatively…he couldn’t help it.

The only thing they all knew was Ben was being pursued by the Knights and any chance of them locating him first was gone.

He loved Ben and he always will, but all he wanted was for Ben to be here with him. He needed him to soothe all the wounds on his heart and mind. Poe knew he sounded selfish and dangerously dependent on the other man, he really didn’t care.

Sue him for buying himself a few more seconds of unaware bliss.

Flying always helped him feel better and it felt amazing to take down all those TIE’s on Takodana. Adrenaline was still rushing through him as he inspected his undercarriage, the only thing pulling him out of his thoughts was the incredibly familiar sound of BB-8.

A giant grin split his face as the droid rolled towards him and he kneeled down to greet him.

He was so happy that BB-8 had survived and made his way back home. He could only assume he’d found an ally or possibly been picked up by Han. He saw up ahead that Han had come down the ramp with Chewie and greeted Leia.

His attention was brought back to BB-8 and listened intently as the droid told him about what he’d experienced in their time apart. Poe’s brain slowed down when BB-8 said that some old and new friends helped him.

Poe looked up and noticed Finn coming down the ramp, awkwardly stepping out of the way for engineers and mechanics who were quickly assessing the damage of the ship.

“Poe…” Finn said as they locked eyes. Poe stood up and took a step forward, “Finn?” he said with a grin.

“Buddy..” he said as he ran over to Finn and they hugged as soon as they were close, “Poe Dameron you’re alive…”

“Of course I’m alive, I’m—that’s my jacket” Poe said as he realized that Finn had kept his missing jacket.

Finn was already taking it off, “There’s something I have to tell you…a lot has happened” Finn said quickly and Poe placed a comforting hand on the kid's shoulder.

“Buddy, just slow down. It’s alright, what—“ Poe spared a glance over Finn’s shoulder and felt the whole world stop.

The whole base seemed to startle at the sight of the man who walked off the Falcon.

An imposing figure wearing mostly black and carrying a lightsaber on his belt. His long, black hair flowing around him as he looked around the crowd. When they locked eyes, Ben looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“That’s what I’m trying to say, we thought you were dead”

Poe couldn’t really hear Finn anymore, he was too busy stepping around Finn and walking forward like he was in a trance, “B-Ben?”

Poe felt his heart beating erratically. Ben was actually here, he was right in front of him. Dark eyes wide with overflowing emotions. He’d gotten even bigger since they last saw each other, he was broader and had an air of maturity and power around him.

Ben began running at him, “Akisi…Poe!”

Poe nearly lost it as he took in Ben’s wide smile and bright eyes. For a moment he saw the young boy who’d always be so eager to see him and would take his hand and drag him around to see all sorts of interesting things. He remembered the boy who would link daisies for him and levitate rocks to impress him.

It felt like he was back on Yavin 4, rushing to the clearing as Ben’s shuttle touched down and hugging the boy tightly to him. Their laughter echoed loudly in his ears.

Poe also started running and didn’t hesitate to throw himself into Ben’s arms. Ben caught him easily and held him close, extremely close, like he was trying to fuse them together.

The taller man pressed his nose into Poe’s curls and greedily inhaled. Poe had to stop himself from crying tears of relief, all he thought about and wanted for the last eight years was finally in his arms. It felt unreal to actually feel Ben’s body, Poe was certain this was heaven.

He didn’t care that the whole base was watching them, he didn’t care that they saw Commander Dameron, Black Leader wrap himself around the runaway Jedi. The man he loved had finally returned to him.

He basked in the warmth radiating off of Ben and let his arms unwrap from his neck, one hand was running across his broad shoulders and muscled back, the other was over Ben’s heartbeat “I missed you…Ben you…I’ve—“

“I know” Ben said as his hands gripped Poe’s waist, his fingers nearly meeting along the small of his back.

“I thought you were dead, I thought I lost you” Ben’s deep voice melted like honey in Poe’s ears. It had always been like that, surprisingly deep as it seemed to reverberate through you.

As his voice filled Poe’s ears and Poe nearly fell to his knees, it had gotten even deeper since he last heard it. It was incredibly masculine and full of bass. Poe let his hand trail up Ben’s neck and to his hair, sighing as the familiar, soft locks slid through his fingers.

“I’m right here, I’m alive” Poe said as he looked deeply into Ben’s eyes. He looked similar, but also so different. When Ben left he had been on the cusp of manhood and now he was all grown up. His jaw was smooth and sharp, the barest hint of stubble on his face. His hair was even longer, no padawan braid. It was curly and framed his angelic face.

Ben set him down slowly and bent down gracefully to press his forehead to Poe’s, the other man sighed as all of Ben’s emotions rushed through him, he didn’t need to hear it because he felt it, ‘I love you’.

BB-8 was happily rolling around them and chirping and beeping with joy.

Poe closed his eyes and allowed his own feeling to pass to Ben and the younger man yanked him closer. Poe felt desire rise up in his chest as he rubbed his thumb along Ben’s sharp jawline. Their noses were sliding together and they inhaled sharply, they were so close…

“Benjamin Bail Organa Solo!” a voice said and the two men stepped away slightly. Ben placed himself in front of Poe as if to block him from danger.

Poe glanced around as Resistance members continued their duties, but they were all still observing them and listening closely.

Poe could hardly blame them, many knew of the enigma that was the General’s son. Many had wondered why Poe was so close to both Han and Leia and why he was so easily trusted from the get go and why the Generals had such personal interest and affection for him.

Poe felt nothing but relief at the idea of everyone knowing about him and Ben. He had wanted to shout from the rooftops about his love.

He’s spent the last eight years turning down countless people and lying about how he’s just not interested or that they’re not his type. This was especially tricky for him because according to his closest friends Poe Dameron was a flirt (and gave off slut energy).

Poe wouldn’t deny or accept that. If he was a flirt and slut then it was only for Ben. Poe tightened his arms around Ben and felt a wave of reassurance roll over him, ‘I’ve got you, don’t worry’.

Leia was walking over to them both and she had a knowing twinkle in her eye as Poe was pressed tightly to Ben’s back. His arms encircling Ben’s middle and their hands clasped tightly together, one over Ben’s heart and the other by his hip.

“No matter how much time passed and you’re still the same, always protecting Poe even if there’s nothing to harm him” Leia said wistfully.

Leia took in the man her son had grown into. He looked different, but the way he was standing in front of Poe brought hundreds of memories to the front of her mind. She remembered Ben and Poe being attached at the hip as children, how they’d return home in late afternoon covered in mud and with twigs and sticks in their hair.

She recalled how they’d find the two curled up on a couch or balcony, just sleeping with their little hands locked together. She remembers as they got older and how they’d have to be scolded for eavesdropping on important conversations or sneaking onto ships.

As they got older and their feelings began to change she remembers their mortification whenever they’d be caught sharing an intimate moment or having to explain that ‘Poe stayed the night’. She remembered the exact moment when Ben’s look for Poe changed.

She smiled at her son and felt her heart sigh in relief.

Ben and Leia’s identical eyes met and so much passed between them. Poe winced as he felt Ben’s melancholy and longing surge through him, he placed his hands on Ben’s back and gently pressed him forward and towards his mother.

“Mother” Ben said softly as he walked forward and was wrapped up by Leia’s arms. He hunched down to meet her and Leia was hit by a memory of her son when he was smaller. When everything seemed so simple and how she’d easily wrap him up in her arms. She remembers how her whole hand would spand his back and now here he was before her after eight years.

He was broad and sturdy, like Han. Slightly taller than his father and covered in muscle, a fighter's build. Yet, his features were still delicates like hers, dark eyes and thick lashes and dark, dark hair framing his pale face.

Her sweet prince, still so regal and handsome.

“I knew you’d be back” she said when they pulled away from each other.

Ben chuckled at that, “Of course, nothing can get past you”

Leia smiled and looked at Poe, “I told you he’d come back to us”. Poe laughed as he walked towards them and pressed himself close to Ben’s side, “I should’ve known better than to doubt you”

“Damn straight you should know better, Dameron” Han said as he joined them, “Happy to see you breathing”

Poe groaned, “Why did you guys think I was dead?”. Ben quickly snapped his head to Finn and narrowed his eyes at him. Finn once again felt in danger. Poe followed Ben’s gaze and smiled at Finn, “Buddy? Did you seriously think I was dead?”

“The TIE exploded!”

Before anyone could say anything C-3PO came tumbling over, “Your Highness, so glad to see you’re home, but really we must get on with the debrief now that you’re here”

Ben smiled at the protocol droid and greeted him as he followed after him, his arm easily wrapping itself around Poe’s shoulders. Ben didn’t care for all the looks being casted on them or for the feelings of confusion, concern or jealousy floating around the tarmac. Poe walked with him and motioned for Finn to follow.

“Your Highness?!” Finn said as BB-8 nudged him forward.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Poe knew he shouldn’t feel as giddy as he did before an actual war debrief, but Ben was back!

They were inside the large war room, in front of the giant holomap waiting for the upper brass to start talking. Han, as usual, leant against the wall with Chewie and ignored everyone’s awe. He didn’t stick around base for very long, but everyone in the Resistance knew him.

Ben also stood by his father and felt his empathy going haywire with all these new emotions. He had learned to subdue the feeling of a complete emotional override, but he still felt it under his skin. It felt like a deep hum going through different frequencies.

He kept hearing the same myriad of questions and thoughts over and over again.

‘Is that really him?’

‘Did he really overthrow the Warlord of Ata Prime?’

‘He doesn’t look like the General’s son’

‘Did he really free the Kecco?’

‘The runaway Jedi…the one Ren and the Order have been after…’

‘Vader’s Heir’

Ben closed his eyes and practiced his breathing as he continued lowering the volume, so to speak, on the Resistance Base’s thoughts.

His eyes shot open as he felt a hand slip into his own. It was Poe, of course it was. He smiled up at Ben and stood firm by his side. The voices in the room only got louder by their easy affection.

“I’m so glad you’re here, I can’t really believe it”

Ben could understand their interest in their apparent relationship. Poe was breathtaking, he’s been sought after since he reached puberty and has always been extremely good at sweet talk and charming others. Ben would spend days agonizing over him to Tai and Chewie when he was a young and silly boy.

Ben knew he was attractive, he was strong and tall with a well shaped body and delicate features. He also knew he was temperamental, volatile even. He wasn’t everyone’s preferred flavor and he was fine with that.

“I was always going to return to you, there’s nowhere else I belong” he looked down and met Poe’s eyes and didn’t flinch under the intensity of love he found.

Poe couldn’t help himself as he stared at Ben’s profile, he was so gorgeous. His mouth a startling shade of pink contrasting against his pale skin. The only word he could think of to do him justice was ‘Angel’.

“Ben…come here for a moment” Leia said and Ben pressed a quick kiss to Poe’s temple as he stepped away. BB-8 stayed by Poe’s sighed and beeped comforting words at his Master.

Poe felt his head spin as he looked at Ben’s retreating form. He was only a little embarrassed about already missing him. He felt himself smiling like an idiot and didn’t miss Finn’s expression.

“What?” he asked and Finn looked surprised like he didn’t expect Poe to notice his expression. Poe realized it was probably because Finn was used to wearing a helmet.

“Nothing…I just should’ve guess he was in love with you with how he spoke about you” Finn said and Poe felt his cheeks burn.

“Yeah…he’s very intense” Poe said and he laughed at himself. Intense was putting it mildly when it came to Ben.

Finn rolled his eyes, “You can say that twice, he Force-choked me when I told him you were dead. Don’t worry about it, he apologized…kinda. He said he sensed me lying and I guess I kind of was”

Poe nudged Finn’s shoulder with his own, “You didn’t lie, there’s no way you could’ve know I survived”

“No, I was lying about being with the Resistance and about my past”

“You don’t have to lie about that” Poe said and Finn glared at him, “What? You don’t. That’s your past and you had no choice, all that matters is what you do now”

“You wouldn’t get it, I’m the enemy. I was First Order for my whole life—“

“Against your will. Some of us have done terrible things in our past and we did it knowingly”

“Yeah, like who?”

“Me. I was a Spice Runner on Kijimi” Poe said unflinchingly.

Finn looked shocked, “You?”

Poe smiled at Finn’s reaction, “Yeah, I wasn’t always the Resistance’s golden boy. I was young once, wanted to rebel against my father, full of anger and pain”

Poe had long come to terms with who he used to be. It was hard and he used to feel such shame, while he was able to talk about it now, he didn’t like to share it with everyone. Finn was different, Finn needed to hear this.

“Why’d you go clean?”

“It was the right thing to do” Poe teased and Finn laughed mockingly.

“No, but seriously it was mostly because of coming to my senses, I didn’t want to live that way and I didn’t like who I was becoming to be okay with that life and partly because of Ben. I thought about him everyday, worried about him being away from everyone as he trained. Not a day went by when I didn't suffer from being away from him”

Finn was silent for a moment as he took in all of Poe’s words.

“That’s believable, you’re his Kizi and all” Finn said and it was Poe’s turn to make a face.

“Kizi?…Oh, you mean Akisi”

“Yeah whatever, I never heard it before. It doesn’t sound like Basic” Finn said thoughtfully and Poe didn’t know how to respond with anything but the truth.

“That’s because it’s not, it’s actually an ancient Sith word” Poe clarified as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Sith? You mean like the Darkside has a language?”

Poe nodded and recalled how Ben would show him his secret stash of books he got from his trips with Lor and his Uncle Luke, “Yeah, the Jedi Code forbids all emotional attachments and most of the Sith ignore that rule more than all the others. Most of them have loved ones and they usually end in tragedy. The loss of those people is what cements them as someone who’s Dark. So when they start their new lives as a Sith they carry all that loss and grief with them. It’s how they immortalized the ones they loved and lost, it means more than love, more than grief…Akisi”

Before anyone could say anything else, Ben and Leia were walking towards them.

“You must be Finn. I’m so grateful for you rescuing Poe and helping to bring my son home. Ben told me about your friend, Rey”

Finn felt relief that Ben had already mentioned Rey, between everything going on Finn was worried he wouldn’t have an opportunity to say anything about Rey.

“It’s an honor to meet you, ma’am. I’ll do whatever I need to do to help bring her back” Finn said and Leia stared at him for a moment.

“Ben already has an idea for getting her back, we’ll be discussing it now”

Poe and Finn watched as Leia whispered to Ben before turning to address the Black Squadron and the upper brass, “Alright everyone, as you all know tensions between the galaxy and First Order have increased dramatically since Ben was able to retrieve their plans for their super weapon” Leia said as plans for the weapon projected before all of them.

Finn gasped next to Poe and others turned to look at him, “You okay?” Poe asked and Finn turned to look at him.

“That’s my old base, Starkiller”

“Starkiller?” Snap asked incredulously

“The First Order’s Death Star” Ben sighed and the room took on a new feeling as anxiety went up. Leia nodded at Ben to continue, “It’s much, much bigger than the Death Star, it takes up the whole planet of Ilum and is strong enough to wipe out an entire system”

Everyone gave him their full attention, Ben’s voice had the power to do that, it made you listen.

“How does it have the power to do that?” Jessika asked the question on everyone’s mind.

“Ilum is rich in kyber crystals, they were mined extensively as the planet is terraformed and power most of it. After it fires at its targeted planet…it consumes the Suns of that system, naturally all the other planets in the system fall after”

Leia nodded sagely as they all took in Ben’s words, “A whole system gone?”

“In a matter of hours, Ren was particularly prideful in the amount of devastation they’d cause when it’s ready” Ben said

“It is ready” Finn said and everyone turned to look at him

“It’s operational?” one of the other senior officers asked and Finn nodded and looked at Ben. “I heard some of the officers speaking about how they’d be able to attack their first target within the next cycle, that’s why we were sent to retrieve you along with the Knights of Ren…they knew you’d be more unstable after the attack…”

“So they needed to capture me before I became to much to handle” Ben finished for him

“We?” Karé asked and Finn felt a prickling sensation on the back of his neck.

Poe clapped him in the back, “Finn was a Storm Trooper, he defected when he broke me out of a Star Destroyer and he finished my mission and brought Ben back. He’s good”

After their leader's words Black Squadron lost most of their apprehension and Finn gave Poe a grateful look.

“That still leaves the matter of Rey, Maker only knows what’s happening to her right now” Han said and Finn felt like he was gonna be sick.

“Ren won’t kill her, not yet at least. We have to move quickly if we’re to retrieve her, do you have any immediate plans for a bombardment?” Ben asked and Leia nodded.

“We didn’t want to risk you or anyone else being on the Base before we started” Poe said

Ben nodded and looked at Finn, “I’ll need someone who’s been on the Base to help find Rey. I can distract Ren and the Knights as you find her. Think you’re up for it?”

“I’m up for it” Finn said with no hesitation.

“You can’t encounter Ren twice in one day, Ben. You nearly got captured and killed on Takodana” Han said

“You almost died?” Poe asked as stepped forward and Ben looked uneasy.

“There were extenuating circumstances—”

“He went after Ren alone on Takodana, he didn’t sound like he planned on coming back” Finn said and BB-8 chirped in agreement.

“He told me to take care of Rey like I took care of you, Master! He worried me!” BB-8 chirped and Poe felt very confused.

‘Just who was this Rey to Ben’

“Finn! BB-8!” Ben shouted and Finn held up his hands, “It’s true! And that’s why Rey went after you! You worried all of us just leaving like that, man!”

Poe couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “Were you going to tell me this?! You almost died!”

“I’ve almost died a lot” Ben snarked

“There’s a difference between almost dying and getting yourself killed” Poe wasn’t exactly mad at Ben, more in pain at the thought of him killing himself.

“I thought Ren had killed you on Jakku, you were only there because of me in the first place and it got you killed”

“I was only there because we had to find you and you've been missing for the last eight years!” Poe countered and he didn’t care that he was doing this in front of his family and squad. How did Ben still not understand?

“I told you why I had to leave. I did it to protect you and you still got involved with Ren! If he had more time or if Finn didn’t get you out he would’ve—”

“Ben, calm down” Han said and Ben didn’t notice the way the giant, metal table before him was creaking under his hands.

“I didn’t know what to do with myself when I thought you were dead…I’m sorry for my actions, but I’d do it all again and so would you”

“Don’t use my thoughts against me” Poe said, but he was already losing steam. Ben was right, Poe couldn’t count all the times he’d been found about to sneak off base and had to be grounded by Leia.

“Boys, you can finish this later. Ben, you said you had ideas on getting Rey?”

Ben nodded and let out a deep breath, “Finn and I will go on Starkiller and retrieve her. In and out and as fast as possible, I’ll try to mask our presence from Ren and the others. Snoke may be a bigger problem, but I don’t believe he’s on the Base. I can use my connection with Rey to find her quicker, but it’ll just alert Ren to my presence”

“That’s dangerous, but you need to retrieve Rey. Like Han said, she’ll be in more danger the longer she’s away from you. We don’t know what’s happening to her” Leia said, her heart heavy at the thought of Rey’s suffering.

Leia couldn’t believe it, Ben had a Dyad.

She already felt a connection to this young lady, she felt the urge to bring her home safely.

“Did GeeGee arrive with the Eravana? We can take the Grimtaash” Ben said and Leia sighed.

“He arrived, but the Eravana and Grimtaash took damage. Rathtars”

Han laughed nervously, “It’s fine, we’ll take the Falcon”

“We’ll alert the rest of the Base of our plans” Leia said while trying to hide a smile at Han’s terrible attempt at smoothing things over.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

“I’ll meet you guys out there” Poe said to his squad as they headed to inform the rest of the Base.

“You good?” Snap asked and Poe noticed how Snap’s eyes flickered over to Ben. Ben made no move to leave the room, his strong arms crossed and face impassive.

“I’m fine Snap, this shouldn’t take long”

When they were finally alone Poe walked towards Ben.

Ben was sitting on the table slightly and it made it easier for Poe to look straight into his eyes. “You’re angry with me” Ben said simply

“I’m not angry with you, just your actions” Poe explained.

“I don’t want to live in a world that you’re not in, I could barely survive without you beside me…but the idea of you just being gone, not away from me across the galaxy, but completely gone…it was worse than death for me. I wanted relief in that moment, I wanted to die and I’m not ashamed of that” Ben’s tone and words left no room for argument. He meant every word he said.

“I feel the same way, Ben. It was torture to wait patiently for word that you were fine, to hear that’s someone saw you somewhere and you were okay. If your Dad had come back one day with bad news, I would’ve flown straight into the Sun” Poe said as his eyes watered.

Ben cupped his face in both his hands, “Then you understand why I did what I did…I’m sorry it hurt you, but I’m not going to apologize for how I feel”

Poe wanted to fight Ben on this, he wanted to shout that Ben's life mattered. But Poe knew that he would’ve done the same if the situation was reversed. Poe knew in his heart that without Ben he would simply give up on living.

“Thank you for apologizing, I’m sorry I yelled at you in front of everyone” Poe knew Ben hated having attention on him and Poe had made a very big scene.

“I didn’t mind, you’ve always been so passionate. I missed seeing you all riled up”

Poe blushed at Ben’s words and tried to look away, but Ben’s hold on his face was firm. “Don’t hide from me, Akisi”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I missed you so much, I’ve missed you so much it made me sick. I spent so long thinking about running off to find you, so long thinking about how I should’ve tried harder to make you stay or take me with you”

Ben flinched at Poe’s words, “You don’t know how badly I wanted to steal you away. I wanted to run, run as far away as we could and live out my days with you…I wanted to be so selfish”

Poe smiled at the thought, in reality it probably wouldn’t have worked. Ben still would’ve needed to learn to control his gifts and Poe would’ve been restless without the ability to fly, but on the other hand it would’ve been bliss to just be together.

“I just want to be with you, forever” Poe said and Ben smiled sadly, “That’s what I want too. If you’ll have me, I vow to never leave you again”

Poe’s eyes widened, “Are you proposing?”

Ben just continued looking at him, “Yes. I know we’re in the middle of a war and I’m about to go and infiltrate an enemy base to retrieve my friend, but I want to be bound to you in every possible way”

Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out a black kyber crystal with hues of deep red attached to a silver chain, “I found this in the ruins of Terru Kano when I first started on my journey, it’s very rare and old. It called to me and I’ve carried it nearly everywhere, it’s seen battle, loss, joy and hope. It’s a part of me and I can see no better place for it now than with you”

Poe stared at the crystal in awe, it reminded him of Ben. Dark, mysterious and powerful and when you looked a little closer there was an intense and overpowering love that burned brighter than all the Suns in the sky.

Poe let Ben place the chain around his neck and Poe was quickly removing the gold chain he’s worn for most of his life, Ben gasped when he saw it.

“That’s your mothers” Ben said and Poe felt sadness tug on his heart.

“Yes, it was and it was always destined to be yours” The gold chain had been in his mother’s family for years and attached to it was the ring his father made for her. Poe has known since he was twenty one years old that they’d both belong to Ben one day.

He placed it around Ben’s slim neck and marveled at the sharp contrast it had against his alabaster skin. Poe felt a wave of affection roll through him and mix with his own love, he looked at his love and realized he didn’t have hold himself back.

He quickly leant forward and kissed Ben. The other man didn’t hesitate and used his grip on Poe’s face to press Poe closer. Lips sealed together perfectly and Poe was nearly brought to tears as he felt the others man’s touch for the first time in nearly a decade.

Poe’s senses slipped away from him as he felt himself be whisked away from the room and the Base. He felt like he was in Hyperspace or something, like he was existing on a different plane. His hands were freely roaming Ben’s body and he was frantic with his touches.

Ben yanked him forward and caged him between his legs, his hands trailing down Poe’s back and over his flight suit until it reached his ass. Ben’s large hand engulfed him and Poe wasn’t ashamed by the whine that escaped him.

They only broke apart to breathe and Poe leant all his weight onto Ben.

Ben easily held him up and pressed a kiss to the side of Poe’s face, “I love you”

“I love you more” Poe said softly as he kissed Ben’s neck and the underside of his jaw, “I love you so much, Ben”

They’d been missing for long enough and didn’t want to be found by 3PO or something (boy did that bring up old memories. The protocol droid had seen so much since he was placed in charge of the young Prince).

Ben and Poe entered the hall with the rest of the Base and ignored the looks they got. Most people spared them glances before returning to work and some flat out stared with open mouths.

They both went to stand by Han and Finn and ignored their looks as well. Leia was relaying their plan to the rest of their base and Ben was relieved to feel the swelling optimism in the room.

He had such a good feeling about this, he had Poe back, they had plan to rescue Rey and everything was starting to go their way.

Suddenly a ripping pain spread through his mind, he doubled over with a groan as endless agony coursed through his veins and he clutched his head between his hands.

He faintly heard his mother gasp as she had to catch herself on a table.

“Leia!” Han exclaimed at the same time as Poe said “Ben!” in a worried voice.

The whole room was immediately uneasy and it took a moment for Ben to regain his composure. He shared a look with his mother before facing Poe, “They fired the weapon” he said before alerts began going off all over their control boards.

Everyone gasped and cried as they realized what happened. Hosnian Prime was no more.

Chapter Text

Rey looked around the cell she was in with frantic eyes and once again pulled at her confines with all her strength.

She didn’t understand why she was taken and not just killed. Ren said something about ‘the Emperor being intrigued by her…what did that mean?’ she thought as she kept tugging on the binds around her limbs.

Her life had been nothing, but a confusing and dangerous mess the last couple of days. Ever since she encountered BB-8 on Jakku.

‘No’ she thought, ‘Longer than that’

She doesn’t really remember her life before her abandonment, she just remembers being abandoned and everything that happened after.

Sometimes she’s angry that she has nothing to pull from and comfort her when she’s at her lowest, other times she’s happy to be spared the pain of remembering a time she was loved and knowing that now she’s not.

She’s spent her whole life waiting and waiting. A part of her knew it was pointless, but Rey knew all she really had in her life was hope and she refused to let go of it.

She remembers being a young girl and feeling so lonely. Long days working and the dark nights sleeping through tears seemed to fade and blend together.

She remembers that sometimes she’d feel like she wasn’t alone, like she was being watched. Those were the only nights when sleep came easy for her. She could never figure out why that happened and had no one to ask.

Now she can believe that it was Ben. The older man had told her that he sensed her on Jakku when he’d visit. He’d been looking for her and the idea brought tears to her eyes.

She’d spent years waiting for her family to return and take her away…maybe she wasn’t waiting on them specifically.

‘Ben’ she thought sadly.

When she closed her eyes all she saw was the forest on Takodana and Ben being thrown across the clearing. All she hears are his yells and Finn’s.

‘Did they make it?’

They must’ve, the Resistance had arrived and provided support to her new friends. Rey just needed to—

“Who the kriff are you? We have no records of anyone matching your description and I’ve never seen you with Solo before today” Ren asked as he entered the room. He was now wearing a mask and Rey admitted it was sort of menacing.

Ren was so jarring to Rey and she found herself growing fearful. The man was haunting to look at and had an aura of pure anger and volatility, it was even more off putting since his voice was warm and charismatic.

Rey steeled her nerves as she remained silent. She wasn’t giving them anything.

“Oh, don’t be that way. We have so much to discuss, how’d no one find a Force sensitive like you? You must’ve been hiding somewhere and what is going on with you and the kid?” Ren said as he circled around her.

Rey continued staring ahead and said nothing.

“The silent treatment, huh? How original…look I’ve been after Solo for years. I’ve captured him more times than I can count and been inside his mind so much that I can’t even distinguish it from my own sometimes. I would’ve noticed you in his memories. You're not Resistance or a bounty hunter, you’re not a smuggler or a Jedi…who are you?”

Rey just glared at him.

Red hot anger boiled inside her at Ren’s words. ‘How dare he gloat about him tormenting Ben. How dare he talk so easily about him forcing his way into his mind and hurting him’ Rey thought angrily.

Ren sighed, “So much hate you have for me and we just met…I gotta admit I don’t think I deserve it all”

Rey couldn’t help it, Ren was purposely pushing her buttons and she had to say something.

Rey scoffed, “You’ve been tormenting Ben for years! Hurting him and following him!” she said incredulously.

“So he’s Ben to you? You are close then. Also, the torment had been mutual. The kid isn’t exactly a walk in the park either. He’s absolutely lethal when he wants to be. He’s constantly getting in the way and destroying our hard work and keeps getting out of joining us. He could do so much if he joined us”

“He’d never join you” Rey said steadily.

“That’s what you think. I’ve seen it, the monster he keeps chained down. I’m so close to getting him to let go, I saw it in the forest. The bloodlust, the hatred and the desire to destroy…I’ve known him a lot longer than you. Even now he deals in both the Light and the Dark, I don’t care much for choosing sides, I follow the Ren”

“You follow yourself?” Rey asked. Nothing Ren said made any sense at all.

“The Ren is the Code my Knights and I follow. The Jedi and Sith are rather hypocritical and tedious in my mind and Solo shares that sentiment. He’s just too much of a softy to kill indiscriminately, he won’t bow to the Emperor and do what needs to be done”

“I thought you served the Supreme Leader, who’s the Emperor?” Rey was annoyed with how Ren got her talking, but she couldn’t help it.

“Same thing, different titles” Ren said simply as one of his hands waved around dismissively.

“Look, I need Solo to join me and you got in the way. I took away his pilot and he’s already been estranged from the rest of his family and friends. I was finally isolating him and you ruined that! So who are you?” Ren said and Rey was surprised to see his attitude change so abruptly.

“I’m no one..”

“Liar! The kid cares for you, I felt it. All warm and cozy in his heart already, but it doesn’t make sense. He’s annoyingly protective and secretive about his personal life. I’ve never seen you in his mind before and I’ve seen nearly everything. Who are you?”

“I don’t know what you’re getting at. I’m no one” Rey said tensely. She wasn’t exactly lying since she truly believed what she was saying.

She was no one from no one cares and that’s all she’ll ever be.

“This has been a waste of time, I’ll just see for myself” Ren said as he held his hand out.

Rey felt her body go rigid as something enveloped her completely. She shook against it, but it was no use. It felt different from when Ben stopped her on the Falcon and different from when Ren captured her in the forest.

Ren entered her mind and was surprised by the amount of resistance she had. It only made him want to force his way in more, he broke down her walls and entered her past.

He saw her as a small child being dumped on Jakku, he saw her being put to work and being forced to become a Scavenger. He saw her be lonely and yearn for her family to return to her and to be rescued.

Ren walked through these feelings and noticed something off. He felt like someone was in here with him and he ventured on a new path and felt a new feeling.

He pushed through nothingness and blackness until he reached a new area of Rey’s subconscious.

He felt what could only be described as another person in Rey’s mind. Dormant and quiet, but incredibly strong. He followed the presence and to his surprise saw young Solo.

He was much younger than he was when they met and seemed to be meditating. It was odd seeing Solo as a boy, his hair a tangled mess of darkness and his padawan braid resting over his bony shoulder.

‘This makes no sense’ Ren thought to himself. He knew at the age Ben appeared to be that he was training with Skywalker on Ossus, nowhere near Jakku. ‘It’s not possible for Rey to have these memories either. Why does she have them? Unless…’

Ren exited Rey’s mind and ignored the girl's silent tears, “A Dyad, huh? Interesting and useful, no one’s seen a Dyad in years and here you two are. So different yet similar, the kid of course has everything anyone could want. Power, Love, a Destiny, Family…everything you don’t. Don’t let it bother you too much, the Force is cruel”

Rey felt shame burn through her as Ren continued talking, “Just thinking about it makes me want to laugh! Ben Solo, son of the Resistance. You know he’s technically a prince? And you’re nothing, some scavenging orphan from Jakku!”. Rey felt her eyes overflow with tears as Ren laughed loudly and mockingly. She refused to let herself make a sound, her sobs stayed burning in her throat.

“Now I’m starting to understand you. You’re so damaged. I sense it, you reek of it. Loneliness and despair can break even the strongest of us. Did you think you finally found family? Love? Did Han Solo welcome you with welcome arms? Did the Wookie? I see how fond you are of that traitorous Storm Trooper, it’s sweet actually. Did you think the great Ben Solo was gonna fix all that troubles you? Did you think all your late night prayers were finally answered?”

“Shut your mouth! You know nothing!” Rey said angrily. Ren had no right to throw her insecurities in her face.

Ren froze and shoved her back onto the table, “Don’t disrespect me, girl. I’ve found you entertaining until now, but you will not speak to me like that. You are nothing and I am the Ren. You know I speak the truth, now I see it all. He pitied you and took you in. He’s known for doing that, everywhere he goes he picks up a new charity case. You aren’t special to him, even if you are connected with the Force”

“He was looking for me” Rey insisted and Ren laughed right in her face.

“He’s a runner! He’s never in one place for long and he’s always been alone. He left his family, his friends and his Akisi, why would you be any different? Think about it…you barely met him and you’re not even trained. Why would he waste time on you? You’d slow him down and be more trouble for him. Even in the forest he was winning until you got there and now you’re here, captured and he’s probably run off again”

Rey closed her eyes as tears kept coming, “He’s not like that, he said he’d help me”

“He went into the forest to get himself killed, I felt him hoping I’d end his life. Now how exactly can he help you when he’s dead? He’s a loner, thinks he’s too good to join anything and doesn’t care about anything…except his flyboy. You don’t know him that well, he’s arrogant and untamed…he’d just end up hurting you and abandoning you”

Rey spit at Ren’s mask and Ren seemed to shut down for a second before striking her across the face. Rey cried out as she felt her lip be cut by her front teeth.

“You’re going to regret that” Ren growled as he once again entered her mind with the goal of hurting Rey.

This time Rey was ready, this time she was going to do something. She inhaled and steadied herself and imagined herself plunging into the dark waters that was Ren.

She sunk deep into memories of pain and torture. She could’ve wept at all the loss she felt and carnage she saw. ‘Everyone was dead’ was the only thought in her head.

She saw as Ren lost countless people and always walked away as the lone survivor. She realized then that Ren saw himself in Ben.

Ren separated from Rey and stumbled back like he’d been hit. He leant heavily against the wall as his breathing came out erratically.

Rey frowned and she looked at him with pity.

Ren quickly left the room and Rey calmed herself down. It wasn’t long before she began sobbing.

Here in this desolate cell or the living hell that was Jakku, Rey once again found herself all alone.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Ben tried to calm his shaking hands as he prepared himself for the rescue mission.

His mind felt bruised as he’d recall the pain he experienced when Hosnian Prime was destroyed. Countless lives lost, millions of dreams and hopes gone in an instant.

They were already fueling the Falcon and fixing what they could before take off. Ben was silently taking in the damage done on the Grimtaash, it wasn’t terrible. It could probably still fly and GeeGee was already on his way to maintenance and Ben hoped his old friend wasn’t too badly damaged.

Ben’s mood also got worse after he separated from Poe. The older man had to go and get ready for the bombardment and ready his squad. Poe looked absolutely devastated when they parted.

Their hands slipping apart felt so wrong. All the warmth Poe brought him was sucked out of him and he was left cold and empty. Ben kept glancing down at the empty spot near him and thinking about how it felt to have Poe beside him once more.

To finally have everything he wanted and now he was at risk of losing it all again.

Poe was leading the air raid on Ilum, his mother was staying on base, his father was joining him, Finn and Chewie on a dangerous mission. Rey was held captive and most likely suffering greatly.

Ben’s mood only worsened as he thought of Rey. Maker only knew what was happening to her and Ben couldn’t help but blame himself. He should’ve done more for her, he should’ve been stronger, he should’ve—

“You alright?” Poe asked as he came to stand next to Ben.

Ben looked down at his partner and felt his mood shift slightly. Poe was still dressed in his flight suit and the color should’ve looked as ghastly on Poe as it did on everyone else. It didn’t, he looked gorgeous.

Poe took Ben’s larger hands in his own and held them tightly, “Worried about Rey?”

Ben sighed and stepped into Poe’s space, “Extremely worried, Ren is relentless and it’s all my fault that he's found her…it’s all my fault”

“It’s not your fault, Ben. You did everything you could” Poe said sincerely.

“I should’ve protected her better”

Poe took in Ben’s words before he spoke, “I’m sure you did the best you could, Han mentioned you were…off since you heard about my supposed death. No one blames you for mourning”

“That’s one way to put what I was doing. I felt nothing but grief and self hatred, still, Rey deserves a better Dyad than me. I can feel her despair and it’s killing me” Ben said as his eyes watered. Poe was taken aback by the emotion overwhelming Ben.

Poe was used to Ben suffering on the inside. He was used to slowly coaxing out of the pain inside the younger man and putting him back together. Now it was all out in the open and Poe didn’t have to fight to get it out.

He wanted to assume that Ben had learned to express himself freely while he was away, but something was telling Poe that that wasn’t it.

“You’re not usually like this, you’re so expressive now. I know you’re an empath and I know that it overwhelms you, but this is extreme for you. You seem more affected by her and her emotions, I can feel it. If I didn’t know any better I’d be jealous” Poe said in hopes of lightening the mood.

Ben smiled at Poe’s terrible joke and pulled him closer.

“Rey and I are a Dyad. Our souls are connected through the Force, I was meant to find her. Our fate is similar in that regard. Still, it’s not like me and you. My mind, body and soul belong to you and no one else” Ben said as he felt his shoulders lose their tension. These last few days have been emotionally exhausting for him and it was so easy to lose himself in Poe.

“I’m not accusing you of anything. I know that you’re mine in the same way I’m yours. I know you and how hard it is for you to accept new people in your life. I know you want to do right by Rey and you will. I’ll help you with anything you need”

“I don’t deserve you” Ben said softly as Poe pressed their lips together. When they pulled away Ben pressed his forehead to Poe’s and used his powers to say all the things he wanted to.

“You feel tired” Poe said softly.

Ben snorted, “I am. I’ve felt so many different things these last few days, these past years have leading up to this moment and now I have to go and face my destiny. I just hope I survive, I hope we all survive”

“Your humor hasn’t gotten any better” Poe said dryly and Ben let out a real laugh. “Sorry to disappoint you”

Poe scoffed, “No, you’re still exactly perfect for me. Tall, pale and handsome. Insanely good hair, morbid humor and the driest wit in the whole universe…my Ben”.

Poe pressed a kiss to the hollow of Ben’s throat, “We’re both gonna survive this battle, we’re finally together again and nothing will take you from me again. I won’t allow it…you’re going to save Rey and bring her home, you’ll face Ren and you’ll win”

“And you’re going to successfully lead your squad into battle and come back home safely…come back to me, Akisi” Ben said as he kissed Poe deeply. His large hand cradling the entire side of the pilot's face, gently tilting him back into an arch.

Poe was once again enveloped in a feeling of pure love and joy. He was once again transported into a realm where nothing existed except him and Ben. It felt like he was floating in zero gravity and like he was submerged underwater at the same time.

It was the best experience he’s ever had, just him and Ben existing together, undisturbed.

“Alright, alright!” Han said as he walked over to them, “Enough of that, finish saying goodbye, we’re about to head out. For kriff’s sake, you’re not teenagers anymore”. The last part was mumbled under the smuggler’s breath, but Ben and Poe still heard it and felt mortified by being caught and called out.

“I’ll be there soon” Ben mumbled, embarrassment evident in his voice. Han rolled his eyes before turning around and walking towards Leia. Ben quickly looked away from his parents as they said their own goodbyes.

He found himself looking into Poe's eyes once
more and was moved by the amount of love and affection he found. Poe tucked himself under Ben’s chin and sighed longingly.

“Don’t worry too much about all this, I have a good feeling. I won’t fail and neither will you” Poe said against Ben’s chest as they shared one last embrace. Ben held him even closer as he chose not to respond vocally. The younger man just nodded and pressed a kiss to the crown of Poe’s head.

Leia approached the pair and they stepped slightly away from each other. The princess hugged them both tightly and pressed a kiss to their cheeks.

“Be safe both of you. Stay vigilant and be prepared for anything” she said in voice that walked the thin line between loving mother and commanding general.

As they separated from the hug Leia pulled something Ben hadn’t seen in years from her pocket.

The hilt of a lightsaber was in his mothers hand. It was silver and copper and was extremely luxurious, it was decorated with bright pearls and seemed to sparkle. “Mother…” Ben said softly.

“It’s time…I never regretted leaving the Jedi path, it ensured your safety after all. However, my time with this blade was limited and never fully bloomed, it’s time for my journey with it to end and be picked up by someone new. Bring her home, Ben. It’s time for Rey to have a family”

Ben held the saber tightly and nodded his head, “I will, I swear it”

Leia smiled as Ben walked away from her and Poe, “May the Force be with you” she said softly and Ben smiled brightly at them.

“May the Force be with you” he responded

Ben was buzzing with positivity as he boarded the Falcon and he joined his father, Uncle Chewie and Finn in the cockpit. Han smiled at him before they took off and Finn looked intently at the new saber on Ben’s belt.

They hadn’t really had time to bond at all. When Ben first met Finn he had threatened him over Poe’s jacket and Ben had been too preoccupied with his grief and Rey to try to connect to the Ex-Storm Trooper.

Ben didn’t have anything against him now.

In fact, he thought they were kind of similar. Groomed from a young age to be part of something much larger than themselves and choosing to leave and live. Choosing a life by their own code.

Ben also noticed that there was something about Finn that was attracting his attention. He respected Finn’s decision to free himself from the Order and his commitment to helping Rey, yet there was something else there and Ben only had one guess at what it could be.

“It’s for Rey, it was my mother’s lightsaber. She was my Uncle’s first Padawan, but stopped her training early. Now mother wants Rey to have it, to continue the journey” Ben said before Finn could ask.

“So Rey truly is like you” Finn said in an odd tone.

“Rey is like Rey” Ben countered, “We may be connected and have a deep understanding of each other, but we are still two separate people. Still, she will be welcomed into our family and she’ll never be alone again, if she’d like” Ben then gave Finn a look that said a thousand words and Finn felt emotion well up on his throat.

Ben just smiled and continued speaking, “It was part of my destiny and yours to find her and keep her safe and we will”

Finn smiled shyly at Ben before speaking, “I knew she was special from the second we met. I guess it makes sense she has the Force and all. Some people are just destined for greatness” Finn said this in another odd tone. One that sounded timid and melancholic.

“The Force is in everything and everyone is connected through it. All sensitives can do is call upon it and harness it…it doesn’t make us anymore special or different” Ben said cryptically.

Finn couldn’t help but fixate on his usage of ‘us’ but he placed that into the back of his mind.

For the first time since they met Finn didn’t feel like he was in danger as he locked eyes with Ben. Instead he felt a fizzled pop or spark quickly run through him.

‘Huh’ Finn thought, ‘That was weird…oh well’

Ben just closed his eyes and wondered who had decided to place two burgeoning Force sensitives on his path. He wouldn’t be a good teacher for them, but he’d do it if they wanted.

“Did we ever figure out what to do about the shields? And I’m pretty sure the Order will detect us approaching them” Ben asked and Finn scoffed.

“I forgot you were too busy ‘talking’ to Poe to hear the actual plan” Finn teased and Ben bristled in embarrassment.

“Give me a break, we haven’t seen each other in eight years” Ben felt his ears grow hot at Finn’s comment

Finn just rolled his eyes before Han and Chewie began talking about the shields on Star Killer and how they’d get on the planet.

Leaving Hyperspace mere meters from the surface of a planet was not something Ben has ever done.

It was exhilarating and Ben really wanted to try it again. Under better circumstances of course.

The high of adrenaline did wonders for the sour mix of nerves and anxiety swirling in Ben’s stomach.

They stepped off the Falcon and into the snow. Leia had given them all fur-lined jackets to keep warm and Ben was carrying an extra one for Rey. The planet was frigid and full of towering trees, it could’ve looked like any ordinary snow planet if it weren’t for the giant man-made scar running through it and the imposing durasteel fortress.

They reached the blast doors and went over the plan one last time as Chewie picked the locks, so to speak.

“We aren’t splitting up! That’s how you get killed or cornered! Look what happened on Takodana” Han whisper-shouted at Ben who just pouted.

“This is entirely different than Takodana! Poe’s alive! We need to do this as fast as possible! You and Chewie can disarm the shields while Finn and I find Rey. That way we can get out of here before the bombardment!” Ben whisper-shouted back.

Finn just sighed as he stood next to Ben, “All this arguing is just wasting our time. Rey is still somewhere in there and needs us” he said and Chewie roared in agreement.

Ben had to agree with Finn and Chewie on that,
“Alright, fine. We’ll stick together, but if something happens and I feel that I need to head out alone I will”

Han looked like he wanted to scream and was only stopped by Chewie getting the doors open. The four of them entered the base and Ben felt the hair on his nape stand. He felt like he’d been here before, he felt like he’d walked these halls. It all feels so familiar.

Finn shivered as he looked around the base, “So much has changed in such little time”

Ben nudged him with his shoulder, “You going to be okay?”

“I hope so” Finn said as they began walking.

“Do you feel anything?” Han asked and Ben struggled to reach out to Rey. Han placed a hand on Ben’s back and guided him towards an empty room away from the main corridor.

“Give me a second” Ben said as he closed his eyes and concentrated.

He saw himself in a dark endless room and appeared to be standing in a few inches of water. His footsteps made sharp noises as he began walking.

He walked forward and called out to Rey. He heard nothing but his voice echoing and eventually reverberating back to him and a low pitched static that fluttered between audible and silence.

There was no source of light where he was, no wind, no heat or cold. There was nothing but him and the sound. He kept walking and in the darkness saw something flickering.

It was Rey.

She was looking upwards, trying to make sense of the place she was in. It didn’t look like she could move her legs, but her arms moved around her in a panic.

She finally noticed Ben and her teary eyes opened in surprise at the sight of him. They both extended their hands out to each other and nothing.

She kept slipping through his fingers or he’d slip through hers.

It was maddening to be unable to communicate with her. He couldn’t hear her voice, but he saw her mouth opening and closing. He saw the frustration in her expression and the wild look in her eyes.

Suddenly Rey was dragged away from him and the figure cloaked in all black stepped between them.

The figure wore a durasteel mask and hooded cloak. Their crossguard lightsaber was red and angrily crackling as the figure raised it to strike. Ben’s eyes widened as he recognized the figure, he’d seen him before.

Ben was suddenly hit with a myriad of memories he’d long suppressed.

He saw him that night on Ossus, in Uncle Luke’s visions. This figure, this phantom was what Luke feared Ben would become. He was all of Ben’s fears, worries and dark, dirty little secrets personified.

Ben raised his saber to block the attack and before their sabers met each other he too was yanked backwards.

Ben gasped as he forcefully pulled from his vision and was met with his father’s worried face.

“Bandit? You okay?” Han said in a worried tone.

Ben couldn’t get his breathing back under control and felt like he’d been dunked in cold water.

“Something’s blocking me out and it’s keeping her from reaching me” Ben said as he closed his eyes once more and the vision he had cleared from the front of his mind. Han looked even more worried than before as they resumed walking through endless corridors.

“We’ll just have to find her another way” Finn said and Ben felt uneasy.

“This seems like a trap. Ren obviously knew I’d come for her, Rey’s bait” he said before they ducked into an alcove. A group of Troopers stalked past them and then they were out of sight.

“I don’t like the idea of you continuing to reach out, Bandit. If you can sense them, then they can sense you” Han said

“Anyone have any other ideas?” Ben snarked and Chewie roared softly.

“Take someone prisoner? Not a bad idea, fuzzball. Kid, know anyone who’d have information on Rey’s location?” Han asked Finn.

“We could try Mitaka, but he’s always on the bridge with General Hux and Hux would rather die than help Resistance scum. His words not mine! We could try—” Finn said before stopping abruptly. He seemed…scared.

“Phasma. I recognize her from your memories,
she’d know where Rey is and how to turn off the shields. Two convorees, one stone” Ben said and Finn stared at him.

Ben felt like he had to say something to answer all the emotion coming off of Finn and pooling in his eyes.

“I know you’re scared, I feel it. She can’t hurt you anymore, Finn. You’re with us now, not her and we’d never let anything hurt you” Ben wasn’t great at being comforting.

For all his emotional power he was still rather awkward.

He’d often heard that he was too intense and too serious. He wasn’t charismatic like his father or venerated like his mother. He was too…off and seemed to be operating on a different frequency than everyone else.

He can’t remember a time he said the right thing to someone outside his family. He was used to the uncomfortable stares and disturbed silence.

Finn laughed softly, face splitting with a brilliant smile, “Thanks Ben, that means a lot”

He wasn’t used to that.

Ben just silently nodded and walked away from Finn. It wasn’t long before they saw a lone figure at the end of a hallway. Their chromium armor gleaming as they held their quicksilver baton to the side.

Finn froze immediately and Ben was overwhelmed by his feelings of fear and anxiety.

“FN-2187” Phasma said as the group stopped before her, “You abandoned the Order, you disobeyed my commands and freed the Rebel pilot. I can only imagine you partook in more perfidious acts while you were away. You’re a traitor and now you’ve returned with Resistance smugglers and the runaway Jedi, how interesting”

Her voice was cold and full of authority. Phasma had the same disposition as Ilum, frigid, unwavering and inhospitable. She was taller than Ben and obviously strong. Her air of authority suffocated the entire room.

“We need the location of the girl Ren took from Takodana, tell us where she is and you’ll live” Ben said as he stepped in front of the group.

He hadn’t drawn his lightsaber yet, but Phasma immediately went on the defensive. She got into a fighting stance and raised her weapon. Ben knew he unnerved her, he could feel her mulling over the odds of her winning and it wasn’t looking good for her.

Phasma examined Ben and turned back to Finn, “Help me to obtain the Jedi and we’ll forget about this bout of treason entirely”

“I…what?” Finn said as he gave Phasma an odd look.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, FN-2187. Aide me in the capture of the Jedi known as Ben Solo and the discardment of the Resistance smugglers, Han Solo and Chewbacca, and we’ll forget about your multiple acts of treason” Phasma’s voice was harsh and clipped.

Finn squared his shoulders and leveled Phasma with an unwavering stare, “No”.

“Excuse me? I just said you’d be forgiven, FN-21–”

“My name is Finn, I freed Poe Dameron, the Resistance’s best pilot and abandoned the Order. I finished his mission to bring the Jedi, Ben Solo home and have joined the Rebels to help them fight for the galaxy. And now I am here with my allies to free Rey from the Knights and the Supreme Leader. You have no power over me, Phasma”

Everyone was stunned as Finn finished his fiery speech. Ben felt nothing but pride and tried and failed to hide his smirk.

Phasma’s body language changed slightly and Ben felt like there was more to what she wanted to say or express, but she wasn’t able to.

“As you wish traitor” Phasma said as she readied her weapon. Ben could’ve sworn she sounded saddened by Finn’s answer.

‘Fascinating’ Ben thought, ‘but now’s not the time’. He sighed before raising his left hand up and extended his index and middle finger, “You will tell us where the girl is”

Ben’s voice was light yet left no room for argument. Finn stared at him like he was an idiot and Ben could hear his father silently screaming.

Phasma froze and quickly stood up straighter, her weapon no longer poised for battle, “I will tell you where the girl is” she responded.

“You will disarm the shields”

“I will disarm the shields”

“And then you will stay in a trash compactor until you are told to leave”

“And then I will stay in a trash compactor until I am told to leave”

With that she turned swiftly and led them down the hall. Chewie and Han were right behind her and Finn looked awed, “What the stang was that?”

“Jedi mind trick” Ben said simply as they followed after his father and uncle.

True to her word Phasma gave them Rey’s location, disarmed the shields and locked herself inside a trash compactor.

Ben used the comlink his mother gave him so the X-wing’s could began the aerial assault and it gave Leia peace of mind to know he wasn’t dead.

Ben and co. continued towards the location Rey was in and Ben felt his heart beating harder and harder, faster and faster.

While everything seemed to be going okay, Ben just couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen.

He kept thinking back to the figure that appeared to him.

‘Why?’ he thought, ‘Why now? Why is he seeing him, what does it mean?’

‘You know why, young Solo. You’ve always known’

Ben staggered as he heard that voice for the first time in eight years. That cold, grating voice. That voice that haunted him.

He thought back to that night at the Temple. He remembered what he saw inside his uncle’s mind, he remembers seeing himself as he is now, yet completely different.

Dressed in flowing black robes, face devoid of emotion. His eyes a contradiction as they overflowed with emotion and burned a Sith yellow.

He remembered feeling Luke’s sorrow and hatred. Ben remembered being so frightened as he saw the monster he’d become. At seeing the creature he keeps locked deep within himself roaming free.

He remembers seeing himself being forced to hurt Poe, he remembers seeing himself being in the Order and leading the Knights of Ren. Slaughtering innocents instead of freeing them, using his gifts for evil.

He remembers killing his father, he remembers Chewie crying out in anguish as his father’s corpse fell. He remembered being shot by the Wookiee.

He remembers an unfamiliar voice screaming and now he realizes that the shouting voice was Rey.

He can see it all so clearly now. He sees himself facing Rey and Finn in a snow filled forest and he sees himself losing. He sees himself get hit in the face by Rey’s saber and falling down, down, down.

The path he was currently on was about to collide with the future he’d been running from. He couldn’t let what he saw happen, he couldn’t let his uncle’s visions come true.

He didn’t realize that he repressed so much of what he saw and wondered if he’d also hidden some memories in Luke’s mind as well. He didn’t even want to think of what could’ve happened if Ren gained access to such things.

It was that thought and that thought alone that made up Ben’s mind on how he’d proceed. He quickly turned to Finn, his father and uncle.

“You have to trust me—“

“Ben…” Han tried, already knowing what his son was going to say.

“Just trust me. I…I think I know what’s going to happen and I can’t risk having you here. Please, go back to the Falcon, the bombardment should start soon and you can use that as a distraction. I’ll make sure that Rey and I make it back. I just…can’t risk anything happening to you, Snoke knows what will break me. He’s already almost succeeded and I will not risk anyone else I love. Please, please…just trust me—” Ben begged like he never begged before that he’d be understood. He begged that what he was trying to express was coming across.

Han looked at his son, intently.

He took in the pain in his eyes, his unshed tears and quivering lower lip. He thought of the young boy who would run to him whenever he got a skinned knee or bloody nose. He remembered patching him up in the hangar underneath the Falcon and kissing his injuries better.

Against everything Han’s ever believed he finally understood. He understood in this moment what Ben was trying to say.

Han smiled sadly and tenderly cupped the right side of Ben’s face.

“Just come home, son. Come back home” Han said sadly and Ben leaned deeply into the hand cradling his face. “I will, I—“

“I know” Han said simply and hugged his son close.

Chewie hugged Ben after Han and Han walked over to Finn and grabbed the younger man by his shoulders, “I know there’s no way you’re leaving this planet without Rey, so good luck and make it back safely”

Finn nodded and felt something in him crack as Han hugged him.

It wasn’t particularly long or anything, but Finn couldn’t remember the last time, if ever, he’d been hugged quite like this.

Chewie clapped him on the back and their group split up. The two duos heading off in opposite directions, Ben and Finn ran through window halls towards Rey and gladly didn’t run into any enemies.

Phasma had told them that Rey was being held many floors above the one they were currently on and the two of them finally reached the turbolift. Ben quickly opened the control panel and made sure no one on the outside could open the lift. He stood up and took his place standing next to Finn.

“Are you okay?” Finn asked and Ben sighed

“As well as I can be all things considered” Ben responded. Finn gave him a dry look and Ben realized Finn might want more information.

“I’m being serious, man. You looked…haunted”

Ben breathed deeply and tried his best to not completely freak out on Finn.

“A long time ago I saw a vision of my future and it was so horrible, so…ugly and vile…it was so extremely traumatic that I kind of repressed it…until just now”

That didn’t sound too bad to Ben’s ears, but judging by Finn’s sympathetic and shocked eyes…he guesses it wasn’t great.

“When…when I had to leave the Jedi Temple…it was because my uncle had a vision of me falling to the Darkside. I saw who I could become in his mind and the things I could do. I’ve been doing my best to change my future and prevent anything I saw from happening. When I tried reaching Rey I saw that version of myself and after that I heard…Snoke” Ben said as Finn looked at him intently.

“Snoke…the Supreme Leader?”

“Yeah…he’s been interfering with me for as long as I can remember. It was him influencing me, my uncle and my mother…he was the one who helped me fall and if I had fallen I would’ve been leader of the Ren by now, integral to the First Order. I would’ve slaughtered countless innocents and Rebels, interrogated even more of them with insurmountable cruelty…including Poe and Rey. I also saw myself kill my father”

Finn gasped, “That sounds nothing like you! You’d literally kill yourself for your family!”

“I know! I just…can’t risk Ren finding out the exact contents of that possible future for me. There’s also the possibility that Snoke knows and has told him…I can’t let him have an exact formula to break me…if I would’ve killed my father–” a choked sob interrupted Ben and it took him a moment to recover.

‘If my father would’ve died here and if it was because of me…I don’t even wanna think about the things I’d do. I have something rotten inside me, Finn. It’s been festering inside me my whole life, it’s why you think I’m dangerous and don’t trust me. You’ve heard what Ren and the Knights say about me, what the whole Order says about me, you can feel that I’m a monster”

“You’re not a monster” Finn said sharply, “Look, I will admit that you scare me, you’re insanely strong in ways I don’t understand and too mysterious for your own good. I didn’t trust you when we first met and thought the whole runaway Jedi thing was incredibly stupid, however, I know you now. You’re a good man who loves fiercely, who fights for what he believes in and you’re too good to be wasted on the Knights of Ren”

Ben’s eyes were once again full of tears as he felt Finn’s sincerity wash over him.

“You’re a better man than me Finn, you were completely wasted by the Order” Ben took this time to wonder about his theory of Finn being Force sensitive. How could no one sense him?

Ben looked over at Finn and smiled, then the door opened and they were both surprised and stunned by who stood on the other side.

“Rey!”

“Finn! Ben!” she gasped and lunged forward to hug the two of them.

Finn melted in her embrace and Ben wrapped his long arms around the two of them. Rey tucked her head in Ben’s neck and sighed, “I’m so glad to see you” she mumbled, “Both of you”.

“I’m so glad you’re okay. How’d you escape?” Finn asked when they separated.

“Did Ren hurt you badly?…Your lip is cut” Ben said as he grabbed Rey’s face between his hands.

Rey batted Ben’s hands away with a sad smile, “It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but I’m still standing. I think I gave back as good as I got”

“How’d you escape?” Finn asked again

“My binds just opened. Ren left my cell after questioning me and a while after that my binds just released me. He was bragging about hunting you and hurting you…so I spit at him…he did not care for that. That’s why he struck me. He was very adamant about finding out who we are to each other and very pushy on his desire to turn you, Ben. He was cruel and forcefully entered my mind, I entered his in retaliation and that really shook him up…I feel sorry for him”

Rey admitted the last part in a timid voice. Obviously full of shame and sadness. Ben knew this feeling all too well.

“You feel sorry for him?” Finn said incredulously, “How can you feel sorry for a monster like that?”

“Because she has a heart” Ben said sharply.

Rey and Finn gave him a funny look, “In the heart of a Jedi lies their strength…and a Jedi you can be Rey. If you want to grow and learn about who you are and who you can be…it’s your choice. My mother wants you to have this and I hope you accept”. Ben unclipped his mother’s lightsaber from his belt and extended it to Rey.

Finn’s eyes widened and his face softened as he seemed to finally grasp what he had missed earlier. Rey’s lower lip trembled slightly.

“Don’t feel bad for feeling sorry, I have more reasons than you to hate Ren and I don’t…not really anyway. He’s so…so lonely and guilty— underneath all that violence and rage” Ben finished awkwardly.

Rey’s eyes widened in awe as she held the saber on her right hand, she immediately switched it on and gazed at the blue blade. “It’s blue…like yours. Are all lightsabers blue? Wait no, Ren and the Knight have red ones”

Ben laughed and Finn snickered, “Lightsabers come in many colors, in the days before the Galactic Civil War…when there were more Jedi, the colors signified the type of Jedi you are. My uncle’s is green, the color of a Jedi consular, yellow for Jedi sentinels…blue for the Jedi guardians…in the years since then more and more colors have emerged” Ben once again felt awkward as he rambled.

“So you’re a Jedi guardian” Rey said softly, “What does that mean?”

Ben considered his answer as they made their way down the hall, “A guardian is proficient in combat and skill with a saber. Blue represents bravery, righteousness and valor…we’re made for fighting, for war. My uncle and mother thought that the battleclass would help me have a healthy outlet…I left before I could complete my trials”

Ben remembers how that idea didn’t really work. He could never get enough, he trained for hours and hours, he always wanted to be tested and duel. His hunger for action was only lessened when he realized he was starting to instill fear in everyone.

“What do you mean you left? I’ve seen you fight with that thing, what more could you need to know?” Finn asked.

“That’s a long story, I’ll tell you another time. As for my trials, I had one left to complete before I could be a true Jedi Knight. I was supposed to take on a Padawan”

“Padawan?” Rey asked, confusion clear on her face and in her voice.

“A Padawan is a student, an apprentice, they learn from their Master and gain first hand experience in the Force, meditation, method and combat. I was my Uncle’s Padawan…one of them at least. Jedi’s can end up having many over the course of their life”

“Is that what you meant when you said you’d help me? Will you accept me as your Padawan?!” Rey asked excitedly.

Ben inhaled deeply and prepared his answer. He had too many things to say to her and he didn’t know how to begin. Thankfully, he didn’t have to answer because he felt a sharp feeling race through him.

“Get down!” he shouted seconds before a siren rang through the base and tens of X-wings descended on Ilum. The surface of the planet shook beneath their feets as they tried bracing themselves against the trembling durasteel walls. The view outside was reminiscent of a planet in a system going Supernova. Ben leant heavily against a wall as he held Finn around his waist and Rey held on to his upper arm.

When the initial shake finally stopped Ben stood quickly and headed towards the transparisteel and raised his left hand. The window vibrated violently before it shattered and Ben motioned for Rey and Finn to climb through it, “Climb through, we need to hurry before this planet turns itself into a star”

Finn tumbled through the window frame and down an ice dune, Rey put on her jacket and elegantly skied through the snow. Ben followed the pair and huffed at the snowflakes already collecting in his hair.

“We need to get out of here!” Rey said and Ben nodded in agreement. “I sent my father and Chewie away, I can’t risk them being here…in retrospect I realize I have stranded us here”

Finn laughed humorlessly as they began venturing through the snow, “Let’s head to the hangar!”. He took the lead and Ben and Rey followed closely behind him. The ground hadn’t stopped trembling with aftershocks and more and more explosions went off in the distance. Overhead, tens of TIE’s and X-wings soared about, firing at each other.

Ben fumbled with the comlink in his pocket and debated whether he should contact his mother or not. Perhaps, he was too hasty in sending his father away without securing a way off the planet. He tried the comlink but all he heard was hissing static. The exploding planet's core must be interfering with communication.

The world around them was practically crumbling in on itself and sections of land were falling and rising on all sides. The path they were on was dramatically inclined and had a sharp drop down into a forested ravine on one side and large dunes of ice and snow on the other. In the distance Ben could hear running water.

“We can try stealing a shuttle or something! We just need to leave–”

Finn was interrupted by another deafening noise and the entire base shaking like before. Ben thought back to the plan to destroy Starkiller base and realized they were running out of time. He used his height and agility to his advantage as he raced through the small avalanche of snow they found themselves in. He was all but pushing Finn and Rey to move faster.

Logs and fallen trees rushed past them and down the ravine and splintered into pieces when they reached the surface below. Ben sighed in relief as they finished crossing over and reached the beginning of a large clearing with no sharp drop towards the ravine. His relief didn’t last very long.

Rey shouted and Finn cursed as a giant crack in the ground split beneath them. Rey used all her strength to shove Finn out of the way and in her haste fell on one knee and onto a disintegrating piece of land. She yelped as she began slipping into a hole and Finn scrambled to reach her hands. Ben was still behind them and on somewhat solid ground. Everything was shaking and falling around them, to Ben’s horror he saw an incoming rush of snowy debris right in front of them.

He extended both hands and concentrated on lifting Rey up, Finn helped drag her onto her feet and Ben ran over to them before they were consumed by the avalanche. They were panting and sweating despite the snow and Ben had a bad feeling. The incoming avalanche was practically on top of them.

“Watch out!” Ben heard as they were hit with the snow and he felt Rey be shoved backwards by the force of the debris. Ben shoved her forward roughly and she knocked into Finn. They needed to keep moving, if they stopped moving they’d be lost. His feet felt impossibly heavy as he struggled through snow that was already waist high. He tried turning left and pushing Rey and Finn in that direction. He must’ve been pushing too hard because the pair stumbled forward and ice and snow rushed in to take their place in front of Ben.

He vaguely saw an outstretched hand before something collided with the side of his head and his eyes shut immediately.

“Ben!!!”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Ben’s eyes fluttered open and he felt extremely cold and bruised. His whole body ached and he had a head wound that was bleeding sluggishly. He looked around and found himself in a valley surrounded by trees. He was laying in a few inches of water and his fingertips and toes felt numb.

Ilum was still shaking and in the sky he saw evacuation pod after evacuation pod escaping. He groped blindly around his waist and groaned when he realized his saber wasn’t on his belt. It must’ve been separated from him when he fell.

The last thing he remembers is pushing Rey to safety as the ground beneath them split open.

He got up on shaky feet and distantly heard voices. He strained his ears to hear them better.

“Ben! Ben!!”

It was Rey and Finn! They were okay and they were looking for him. It took him awhile to stand and after his vision went back to normal he headed in their direction and was about to call out to them when a familiar presence entered his space.

“Hiya kid. Boy, you look terrible” Ren greeted as he came around a tree and Ben froze in his tracks.

“Y’know the last time we met you wanted to kill yourself…how’re you feeling now?” Ren joked.

“Last time I was under the impression that I had nothing to live for…now you don’t have the advantage” Ben decided to play along as he thought of ways to get out of this scenario unharmed.

He was mildly concussed, fighting hypothermia and had no lightsaber, but Ren didn’t know that yet.

“Oh? Is flyboy alive? Or have you moved on with that scavenger? Have to say I really didn’t expect that, I always assumed you preferred ships with an inverted hyperdrive” Ren leered and Ben felt complete anger and humiliation consume him.

Ren laughed obnoxiously at Ben’s emotions, “Ha!! I’m just kidding around, I know flyboy’s alive. I’ve known he was alive since he crashed face first on Jakku!!”

Ben felt himself go even colder, “You knew?” he said softly and Ren considered him for a moment. “Of course I knew…let’s just say the Supreme Leader is getting restless with this game of loth-cat and scurrier we’ve been doing. We figured this would be exactly what you needed to get you over the finish line”

The ice in Ben’s veins was overrun by molten rage. ‘This was planned? All his grief, his anguish, his willingness to give in to the darkness that raged inside him…of course they’d do this to him. This was the sure-fire method in turning Jedis away from the Light…how could he be so kriffing stupid?!’

“You’re going to regret this, that’s low even for you” Ben growled.

Ben knew it was stupid to expect anything but cruelty from Ren. He knew first hand what he was capable of and how much Ren has destroyed and stolen from others. He knows how twisted Ren is and yet…he felt betrayed.

In all the years they’ve encountered each other Ben had gained a sense of sympathy for Ren…he would even call it an understanding.

“What are you going to do? I have direct orders to not let you escape this time and I can’t fail again, my Knights are standing by with a completely functional escape shuttle, you’re all alone and injured and…oh yeah, you’ve lost your lightsaber!!!” Ren shouted.

“Kriff” Ben muttered.

Ben and Ren have been doing this song and dance for nearly a decade. To be honest they were pretty evenly matched, Ben’s youth and natural ability paired well to Ren’s experience and rage. They’d dance around each other and exchange blows and enter each other's mind and in the end Ben would be able to escape.

Part of Ben always felt like Ren was letting him go.

It wasn’t like that this time, there was a change in the air, before Ren was amused by Ben and his persistence in never surrendering…now Ren couldn’t risk returning to his master empty-handed.

They were out of time. Whatever climatic moment that would change the galaxy was looming and choices had to be made.

Ben didn’t really know if he’d be able to make it out of this in his current condition. Ben was injured and weaponless…wait, he still had his blaster.

Ben unholstered his blaster in record speed and fired at Ren before turning and running. He had no grace as he half ran and half fell through snow and around trees. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that his sternum ached, his vision had black spots and was fuzzy around the edges, the only thought in his mind was ‘run’.

Every time he felt his body fail him and his mind go offline he’d hit himself harshly in his bruised ribs to keep him alert and focused.

He headed towards the voices of friends and hoped to anyone who’d be listening that he’d make it.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Rey’s head whipped around as she heard the sound of blaster fire.

Finn looked at her funny before speaking, “What is it?”

“It’s Ben…I can feel him” she said and she felt something in her move forward and she followed, “He’s over here! C’mon Finn!”

Finn and Rey ran between trees and snow banks and the sounds of blaster fire got louder and louder. Rey gasped as she felt Ren’s presence near Ben and readied her lightsaber. The blue light and low hum calmed her as she stalked forward and Finn readied his blaster.

Rey could feel Ben getting closer and closer, but before they reached him another tremor shook the planet. Rey felt the ground beneath her slipping away and she stumbled forward, “Woah!!” Finn exclaimed as he jumped back.

“Finn!!” she shouted and Finn held his hand out.

“It’s fine, I’m okay! Find Ben, I’ll make it across!! Just go!! Find him!” he shouted and Rey stared into his eyes for a moment before nodding and continuing onward.

Rey was already shivering from the cold, but she was adapting well to moving through snow. Despite it being completely foreign to her in temperature, it reminded her of walking through sand dunes back on Jakku.

Rey tried to keep her mind clear as she ran through the forest. She kept her mind focused on one thing, Ben.

She tried not to fixate on her time in her cell. She tried to not fixate on what Ren told her and what memories she was forced to experience again. She wasn’t scared anymore, she knew who she was now and her past wasn’t going to define her any longer.

Rey knew what she was meant to do now and it wasn’t to spend her whole life suffering on Jakku waiting on someone who will never return. She’s meant to be here, wherever here was didn’t matter as long as her friends were beside her.

Ben skidding into her space yanked her out of her thoughts and her overjoyed expression was dampened when she noticed him leaning heavily on a tree.

Ben was bleeding and panting, his chest heaving, “We need to go–get out of here!” his words were clipped like he was in pain from just talking.

“Ben!” Rey said as she stepped forward but was stopped by Ren’s saber. She raised hers to meet him and felt her feet slide under the weight. “I don’t think so” Ren taunted as he stepped between them and Ben.

“No!” Ben shouted as he tried moving between Ren and Rey. His knees threatened to buckle beneath his weight and Ren grabbed his upper arm roughly and flung him to the ground. Ben groaned as he landed harshly on the cold forest floor. “Ben?” Rey said uneasily.

Her eyes widened in shock as she took in his injured form, he had a head wound and bruising on his knuckles, scraps and cuts littered his pale skin. Even his clothes had tears and rips, he was paler than usual and his normally rosy facial features looked blue.

“Funny, isn’t it? All that power, all his specialness and it was a stupid avalanche that did him in. Not even he is immune to hypothermia” Ren joked as he nudged Ben with his boot.

Rey bared her teeth as she swung her lightsaber Ren and he easily evaded her attacks, “How’d you even get a lightsaber? Do you even know how to properly use one?” he teased as he lazily blocked her attacks.

Rey seemed to adapt her skills with her bo-staff to the saber and while it wasn’t graceful, it was effective.

She was brutal with her attacks and didn’t hold back as she swung her saber. Ben could tell by Ren’s expression that he was appraising Rey, seeing how she fights and her talent. A potential candidate, a potential apprentice.

‘No’ Ben thought as he fought against the pain that was immobilizing him. He tried to ignore his throbbing head wound and concentrated on a pile of downed trees and logs.

Ben raised himself onto his elbows, outstretched his hand to fling logs at Ren, “Rey!” he shouted in warning.

Ren grunted as he was hit and Rey scurried out of the way and covered her head. As soon as she could, she moved over to Ben and went to help Ben up. “Are you alright? We’ve been looking for you and we couldn’t find you…you were just gone” Rey said as she moved Ben’s hair out of his face.

The right side of his head has a terrible wound that was bleeding sluggishly, he had cuts over his cheekbones, the bridge of his nose and his chin. He had the beginnings of a black eye and he was shivering so bad you could see it.

Rey felt durasteel form in her stomach as she fretted over Ben and his battered form. She’d never seen someone this injured in her entire life and she didn’t know how to handle it. It was especially jarring to see Ben this way. From the moment they met he’d been nothing but a force to be reckoned with.

He took on entire Death Gangs on his own, freed entire planets and moons, started revolutions and evaded the Order. Now he laid in her lap wincing with each breath he took. She wanted his suffering to end, she needed him to be okay. She wanted him to feel better more than she’s ever wanted anything in her life.

Ben flinched at how warm Rey’s fingers were and Rey’s eyes widened as the wounds on his face seemed to fade right before her eyes, “What's happening?” she said softly as Ben got up on his elbows.

He felt warmth spreading through him and felt energy buzzing all around him. “How’d you do that?...you healed me” he said in wonder and Rey looked at her hands and back at Ben. “I have no idea…I just thought about how much pain you must be in and how I want to stop it”

“Force healing…it can be used in many ways and even in resurrection”

Rey’s eyes widened and she had to shake her head before she helped him up.

Rey easily shouldered his weight and they both looked at Ren’s form pinned under the pile of logs.

“Will that hold him?” Rey asked and Ben shook his head, “No. He’ll find his way out of there and we need to go”

“Ben! Rey!” Finn said as appeared through the treeline, “Look what I found!”.

In his hand was Ben’s saber and Ben felt relieved at knowing it wasn’t lost for good. Finn made his way over and grabbed Ben’s other arm to also support him, “I can walk, y’know” he said dryly but was ignored.

“We really need to go” Finn said as they swiftly moved around Ren’s form. They got no more than a few meters away before Ren regained consciousness and flung the logs off of himself with a burst of energy. They began moving faster as Ren’s enraged roar came from behind them, “Solo!!!”.

Ren got to his feet and took off running, using his lightsaber to cut through every and anything in his way. Once he got a visual on the trio he raised his arm in the air and made a fist. They were knocked off their feet and were separated once more from Finn once more.

Finn was sent far from the duo and ignored by Ren. He had no use for the Trooper and didn’t care if he paid for betraying the Order. Ren needed to take young Solo back to his Master, he will not fail again. Ren extended two fingers and flung their lightsabers and blasters away from the Dyad.

Ren stalked over to Rey and Ben and ignited his saber, “Anything I take from you can be replaced’ he threatened as he raised his saber high above his head. Ben and Rey crawled backward through the snow and Ben elbowed Rey behind him, still trying to protect her and keep distance between her and Ren.

They had no weapons and no time to come up with a plan or distraction. This was it, no matter how hard Ben had tried…he’d been captured. ‘I will not go down without a fight’ Ben thought as Ren charged at them, he jumped in the air and prepared to bring down his lightsaber on them.

Ben looked around and saw his saber a few meters away, sticking out of the snow. He extended his hand and called to it and it took off from the floor. Soaring between them and Ren and far from them into Finn’s awaiting hand.

The ex-Trooper didn’t hesitate to ignite it and swing at Ren’s exposed middle.

Ren groaned in pain and dropped his saber as his arms wrapped around his injured abdomen. He fell in a heap onto the floor, less than a foot from Rey and Ben’s feet. Finn stood over him for a moment before moving to help Rey and Ben up. Ben stared at Ren’s body, at how his chest still rose and fell and the pained noises he made. Rey and Finn moved around his frozen form and collected the other lightsaber and blasters.

Finn was holding tight to Rey’s hand and Rey moved to grab Ben’s hand and found the other man in a catatonic state.

A part of Ben didn’t want to leave…he never thought he’d see Ren defeated. Rey grabbed his wrist and tugged him along, away from Ren. Ben kept staring at Ren until he was out of sight and his pained screams faded.

Finn led them back towards the base and Rey held onto Ben the entire time. As they reached the hangar they found it unsurprisingly empty.

“Kriff” Finn muttered.

The silence that followed was interrupted by Rey beginning to laugh hysterically. She doubled over with her laughter and clutched at ribs as more and more laughter came out of her.

Finn and Ben looked at her anxiously and then each other, “I knew it” Rey said softly. ‘What do you mean you knew it?!” Finn shouted as Ben began pacing. Rey giggled softly before hugging Finn quickly. “I had a feeling…this whole time I had a feeling about you, you’re sensitive too…not as much as Ben. But still these things can be learned, nurtured and grown...or so I’ve been told. Natural ability isn’t everything a Jedi needs” she said and Finn looked off in the distance.

“That was just a fluke…I’m not special. Not like you two are” he mumbled and Rey and Ben narrowed their eyes. “Of course you’re special!” Rey shouted and Finn looked down at his shoes.

“Do you think it was a coincidence that you were on the same ship as Poe? Was it just a fluke that led you to him and later Rey and the rest of us? It’s a big, endless galaxy Finn, what are the odds we’d all be here right now, together?” Ben questioned and Finn threw his arms up.

“I don’t know!! I don’t–it doesn’t matter…I’m glad I left…glad we met and we’re friends. I’m okay with how things played out. I always knew I’d die on a battlefield and I’m just glad I’m with friends” Finn said soberly. With all the adrenaline and stang going on they’d forgotten they were still on a soon to be destroyed planet.

They succeeded in rescuing Rey and shutting down the shields, but failed in making it out alive. Sometimes stories ended this way, Ben moved closer to his friends and sighed. He tried to think of a way out of this one and he was coming up with nothing.

Rey looked outside of the hangar at the tall trees and snowflakes in the air and sighed. “I never thought I’d have friends” Rey said as she shrugged her shoulders, “All things considered…it’s not a bad way to go” she then sat on some overturned cargo. Finn quickly sat beside her and rested his head on her shoulder, his eyes already watering.

“Yeah…could be worse. At least we did something important…we did something that mattered” he said and Ben sighed before sitting on Rey’s other side.

“I’ve been cheating death and the Darkside for so long, I knew one day it’d catch up with me. I’m glad I did some good in my life, glad I gave back. I was able to see my family one last time…I’m sorry you guys are stuck here with me, but I’m honored to die with you by my side” Ben took out the gold chain from his shirt and rubbed his fingertips along the ring Poe gave him.

Rey placed her hand over his and smiled sadly at him, Ben returned it and before anyone else could speak they were interrupted by the hangar shaking violently.

‘This is it’ Ben thought as he Rey held both Finn and himself close and shut her eyes. Ben wrapped his arm around them once more and braced himself. He was shocked when the shaking stopped and a familiar ship landed outside the hangar. The boarding ramp was already lowered and the familiar figure standing on it jumped out and shouted at them.

Their bright orange flight suit a stark contrast to the white and black of Ilum. Ben stood quickly and felt his heart flutter, “Akisi” he muttered and Finn was already up and tugging them along. Ben felt off kilter as he walked forward on weakened legs and huffed when Poe quickly moved to him and supported his form against his broad shoulder.

“You’re here” Ben said in a strange voice. “Of course I’m here…let’s go home”

Chapter Text

Poe was once again landing on D’Qar, still high on adrenaline and surviving another epic battle with the First Order.

Their plan had worked, they’d stopped Star Killer from firing on them and anyone else. For the time being the First Order could not terrorize the galaxy.

Poe got down from his ship and BB-8 was already by his side. Poe watched as his fellow pilots came back and felt his heart throb in pain when he noticed those who didn’t.

That’s what happens when you’re at war.

Everyday, every battle means saying goodbye to someone. It didn’t mean you had to like it or even get used to it really, but it was reality. It was even worst knowing that they still had to evacuate the Base, their location was exposed and they could not risk still being here like sitting porgs. They needed to keep moving.

Poe lowered his eyes and blinked through tears. He needed to put on a brave face, he needed to keep walking. He now had a more personal reason to check who made it back.

His love was finally with him and he’d been sent on a deadly and dangerous mission with one of Poe’s close friends. He needed to know where they were.

An engine roared over his head and Poe felt his heart lurch in his chest as he realized it was the Falcon. ‘Ben’ he thought as his feet began moving with even more enthusiasm.

He saw Leia up ahead also walking towards the Falcon. The ship landed and saw the boarding ramp lower. Han and Chewie got out.

They were the only two to get out.

He felt his blood turn to ice and vision double, BB-8 beeped loudly in alarm. He took off in a sprint with BB hot on his tail and didn’t hesitate to shout, “Where’s Ben!? What happened? What about Finn and Rey?!”.

Leia’s eyes widened as she turned to her husband who shrugged, “He asked, begged me actually, to leave. He saw something that triggered a memory from that night with Luke. It really shook him up…I can’t explain what was going through his head other than pure fear and he insisted that I couldn’t stay on Ilum with him—”

Poe felt the blood drain from his face at the mention of Luke and that terrible night on Ossus.

They never spoke about it, they actively ignored every and anything relating to that night. Poe felt his eyes begin to water and he shut his eyes for a moment, to compose himself.

“If he’s scared we can’t leave him alone, it weakens him!” Leia shouted and Han placed his hand on her shoulder. “I trust his judgment. He’s not a boy being haunted by the dark anymore Leia, he’s lived with this thing in his head for years now and he’s been growing stronger and stronger. I believe he can fight it off, I know he can!”

Leia looked uneasy and cupped her hand over her mouth, “It’s not that I don’t trust Ben, I do. He’s been preparing for this for his entire life and I always knew he’d have to face something…monumental. I knew he’d have to face the same burden Luke and I faced, the same one our father faced”

Poe’s eyes opened in shock by Leia mentioning her father. The General had always been incredibly reluctant to speak about her father, an exact opposite of her brother. Ben had learned very early on in life to save his questions about his grandfather for his uncle and his uncle only.

Leia’s eyes also had tears in them and after a moment they regained their sharpness, “Whatever he is meant to face, I know he will succeed”.

Poe groaned and pulled at his hair, “Why does this keep happening? He was here, right in front of me and I let him go” he muttered and Leia gave him a fond look.

“Neither of you have changed since childhood. Always needing to have eyes on each other, the need to know that the other is there…it does seem like the galaxy is always pulling you apart” Leia said as he grabbed her husband's hand.

Poe just hummed sadly, looking down at his boots.

“I know it’s stupid…I just don’t want him to think he’s doing this alone and it’s not because I don’t think he can. I…I just want him to know that he doesn’t have to” Poe spoke with such sincerity that you could actually feel it.

“I want him to rely on me and depend on me. I want to be there…I want…”

Poe stopped talking as he came to a realization. This wasn’t at all like before, before he had no idea where Ben was or what he was doing. He had no clue or lead to accurately find him.

Now he did.

Ben was on Ilum with Finn and Rey. Fighting off the phantom that plagued him. And Poe was damned if he wasn’t going to do anything to help. He looked up and saw Han and Leia smiling, smirking in Han’s case, at him.

“You finally figured something out?” Han teased and Poe felt his cheeks burn.

“Yeah actually, I did. Can I borrow your ship?” Poe said as he began walking back towards the Falcon, BB-8 right by his side. Han sighed and Chewie howled back in amusement.

“After so many years of you and Ben taking it without permission it’s so odd to hear you ask” Leia teased and Poe just laughed.

“That wasn’t really asking, more like letting you know” Poe said and Han laughed loudly. “Just get a move on flyboy and Chewie will be the pilot. I don’t need you ruining my ship, I just got her back”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Poe couldn’t even feel the cold as the boarding ramp lowered and revealed the frozen forests of Ilum.

He could see his breath and snowflakes fluttering around the tranquil atmosphere of the doomed planet. He heard Chewie roar something about a hangar and he shouted back in confirmation. “Stay here buddy! I’ll be right back!!” he shouted down at BB-8.

He jumped down and ignored the trembling beneath his feet as he headed toward the hangar. He saw some movement and realized that three figures were huddled together, then one of the figures stood and whooped with joy.

‘Finn’ Poe thought as one of the knots in his chest loosened. He moved faster towards them. He watched as Finn tugged the rest of them up and saw a familiar lanky figure dressed in black sway on unsteady feet.

He was being supported by the other figure but Ben all but shoved them off as he stumbled to Poe.

“Ben” Poe muttered as he dove to catch him before he could actually fall. His familiar weight colliding with the pilot’s shoulder allowed all the tension to leave Poe’s body.

“You’re here” Ben said in disbelief. Poe startled at how odd Ben sounded but he couldn’t afford to freak out now, ‘Of course I’m here! Where else would I be?’

It wasn’t just his voice that sounded off, Ben who was usually a human furnace felt ice cold and his teeth kept chattering. He had blood caked in his curls and his clothes were wet and his exposed skin had tiny wounds all over it.

Poe got a better grip around Ben and felt the other man nestle into him, like he was seeking warmth. “Of course I’m here…let’s go home” Poe responded

Poe made a move towards the Falcon and Ben groaned in pain. His eyebrows were pinched in annoyance and kept muttering curses in a mix of different languages under his breath. Poe smiled at the nostalgia that Ben’s bad mood over being hurt.

The other figure immediately went to support his other side, “He got caught in an avalanche” they said through gritted teeth as they held up Ben’s weight. Poe was taken aback by how posh their voice sounded, it wasn’t a cadence one heard outside of the major planets.

Poe also noticed that they also appeared weakened, they were sweaty, flushed and moved jaggedly. Clearly operating on waning adrenaline. ‘This must be Rey’ Poe thought as the three of them began moving towards the ship.

Poe couldn’t help but steal glances at Rey.

They had such bright green eyes that practically sparked with curiosity and enthusiasm. They also kept stealing glances at Poe and would quickly look away when Poe looked back. Glee radiated off of them in defiance to their fatigue and it made Poe smile.

In so many ways Rey was so different from Ben, yet he could already notice the similarities.

They finally reached and entered the ship and Finn got a cot ready for Ben. BB-8 was anxiously circling by the entrance and booped in panic when he saw Ben.

The taller man was shivering even more violently and his eyes kept shutting against his will. Poe felt his heart be squeezed painfully at the sight of him.

“It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay, we just need to get you warm” Poe said softly as he petted Ben’s hair and set the cot up to warm Ben.

“What should we do?” Finn asked anxiously and Poe took in how shaken the young man appeared.

“Go help Chewie pilot, Finn.Tell him that Ben’s okay and we can leave. We’ll handle this” Poe said in a level voice before he smiled warmly at Finn. The young man nodded and headed for the bridge, he spared one last look at Ben and then Rey before leaving.

“I’ll go find more blankets” Rey said as they turned to the boxes of cargo.

“Go help Rey” Poe said to BB-8 and the droid beeped in confirmation.

Poe just nodded back before turning to face Ben.

Ben just kept looking at him through hazy eyes. From this close you could see that his normally dark eyes were actually a murky green.

Poe quickly pulled a blanket out from under the bed and set it aside for now. Nothing would get Ben warmer if they didn’t remove some of his wet clothes. “I’m glad you’re okay” Ben mumbled and Poe stopped moving.

Ben was looking at him with such a soft expression and smile that Poe found him himself smiling back, “I’m glad you’re okay too. Now we need to at least remove your jacket…you’re all wet and feel so cold, Ben. We need to warm you up”

Ben just huffed and sat up, removing his jacket and vest “If you wanted me out of my clothes—“

“Shut up!” Poe laughed as he helped Ben remove the frigid material and wrap the blanket around his pale torso. The golden chain and ring were gleaming under the soft lights of the Falcon.

Poe sat on the edge of the cot and brushed Ben’s matted hair from his face, “Just relax, we’ll be back on base soon and get you into a Bacta Tank”

Ben pressed into Poe’s hand and let his eyes fall shut, his dark eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. Poe just continued petting his hair and didn’t notice someone come stand beside him.

It was Rey and she seem concentrated on placing the blankets she had found on Ben. He seemed to appreciate that because he hummed softly and curled up even more under said blankets.

BB-8 rolled over to the cot and pressed himself closely to Poe’s shin and booped sadly.

“Ben is hurt” BB-8 booped sadly and Poe sighed, “He’ll be alright, we’ll get him to the Medbay soon” he said mostly to BB-8 and Rey (also to himself).

Rey fretted with the covers for a second, making sure Ben was comfortable before stepping away and sitting at the end of the cot. Her eyes never leaving Ben’s face.

The silence wasn’t stifling but it wasn’t soothing either.

“Thank you, Rey” Poe whispered and Rey gave him a startled look, like she didn’t understand or couldn’t believe he’d be thanking her.

“I know Ben couldn’t have done this all on his own in his state…he needs allies, friends and you’ve helped him return home…so thank you”

“I’m the reason he got hurt…he came to rescue me because I got captured” she said sadly and Poe quickly shook his head.

“No. You’re his Dyad, of course he’d go save you. Just like you went into that forest to save him on Takodana. You matter to him Rey, matter to all of us. We keep each other safe in this family and I’m thanking you for watching his back like he watches yours”

Rey’s hurt look melted into a blinding smile, “There’s no need to thank me but you’re welcome!”

“I’m Poe. Poe Dameron” he said, returning the smile.

“I know” she said and that made Poe laugh.

“Yeah…he doesn’t talk much but when he does it’s usually about me” he mumbles, his pointer finger gently rubbing along Ben’s cheekbone.

Rey giggled, “That’s true but I learned the most about you from BB-8”

Poe gave BB-8 a look before turning his head towards Rey, “BB? What did my little guy say?”. Poe lowered one arm to place his hand on his droid's head affectionately.

Rey hummed and got more comfortable on the cot as she leant against the wall, “Well, what didn’t he say…he’s quite the chatterbox once you get him started. At first he talked about how special you are…how no droid could have a better master and how all the droids he knew were jealous of him”

Poe giggled at that and BB-8 raised his head pridefully.

“Then he told me how you two were on a very important mission, that your mission was of the utmost importance and how after years separated by politics, war and fate that a couple founded on pure love would finally be reunited and help bring peace to the galaxy” Rey’s voice was soft and reminded Poe of the voice his mother would use when she’d tell him stories before bed.

Poe felt his cheeks burn and swore he saw a smug little smirk on Ben’s face, “I doubt he was that poetic” he mumbled.

Rey laughed at that, “I dressed up his words and left out the more…unsavory bits. You should really make sure he’s fully powered down whenever you two–”

“Okay!!” Poe interrupted as Rey and BB-8 giggled.

“It’s true though…he’s finally here with me and we’ll never part again. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for helping to bring him home and I’m glad to see that you’re safe. We were all so worried” Poe noticed how his words affected Rey and she wanted to say something.

“We?” she said in disbelief and Poe’s heart broke a little bit more for her.

“Yeah, of course we were worried. Han and Chewie, Finn and Ben were adamant about getting you back safely and Leia–General Organa, she will be so happy to see you. That’s her lightsaber, she wanted you to have it” he said and Rey gasped.

“I have Leia Organa’s lightsaber?! The Resistant General?”

“And Ben’s mother, yeah. He has quite the family tree”

“I’ll say”

Poe hummed and kept stroking Ben’s hair, after a moment he went for it.

“And there’s always room for more”

Rey’s eyes widened even more and her lower lip trembled. It was clear she wanted to say something, but was interrupted by them landing and Chewie entering the room. The Wookie howled softly, clearly saddened by his nephew's state. Ben opened one bleary eyes and smiled, “Hiya Uncle Chewie” he slurred and Chewie responded by lifting the young man into his arms.

It was jarring to see someone cradle Ben, he was usually one of the biggest men in a room and now he resembled a child. Ben groaned and pressed his face into Chewie’s fur, greedily taking the warmth. Chewie roared for them to disembark as Finn entered the room and they all made their way towards the boarding ramp.

Eagerly waiting for them was Han, Leia and 3PO. The trio gasped and moved forward at the sight of Ben in Chewie’s arms, “He was caught in an avalanche, he’s wounded and hypothermic” Poe said as they headed inside the base.

“We have Bacta Tank’s ready, come this way” Leia said and Poe noticed how empty the halls appeared. He could distantly hear voices and figured the base was resting as much as they could before preparations to move began.

They entered the Medbay and Poe watched as the Med-Droids assessed Ben and plugged him into monitors and scanners. Rey and Finn shared a cot even though they didn’t have to and watched anxiously as Ben’s vials were displayed on the holoscreen.

Ben’s eyes began fluttering open as he looked around the bright, white room. “What happened? Akisi?” he said as he tried sitting up and Poe rushed over.

“You’re okay, Ben. I’m here, we’re back on base, on D’Qar…in the Medbay. Your family is here and you’re gonna need to get into the Bacta Tank”

Ben seemed to be in a daze as he looked around the room, “Where’s R-rey and Finn?”

“We’re here, Ben. You need to relax…” Rey said from where she sat on the other cot with Finn. Another droid was assessing their wounds and they both had thick blankets around them.

Leia stood beside Poe and brushed her fingers through Ben’s hair and pressed her pointer and middle finger to the center of his furrowed brow, “Rest, darling. You’re gonna be okay”

Ben’s eyes fluttered closed and Poe lowered him down onto the exam table, “He just needs some time in here and he’ll be good as new. Just rest up, Bandit” Han said as they stepped away from the droids and watched Ben be placed in the Bacta Tank.

Poe sighed as he stood in front of the Tank, “Guess even Jedis aren’t immune to the cold” Finn joked and Chewie, Han and Leia laughed at that. “Stang, that takes me back” Han said as he looked lost in thought, in memories.

“What did it remind you of?” Rey asked and Han smiled weakly.

“Luke” Han answered and Poe felt his stomach drop. That was thrice tonight that Luke was mentioned so easily.

They hadn’t talked about what happened that night in eight years and Luke had always been a sensitive topic for them all. For Leia, Luke was her twin, her other half. They’ve stayed in contact all these years and Poe was certain it’d kill them to be apart for long.

For Han and Chewie, Luke was there best friend and they were all family. They trusted Luke more than anyone in the world and it did kill them when Luke betrayed them and caused Ben to exile and hate himself.

Poe didn’t know what to think about Luke Skywalker, growing up he idolized the Jedi Master and loved hearing his epic stories.

Then when he was older he was the one who took Ben away from him and later he was the one who kept the Code. The Code that made it so Ben and Poe couldn’t freely be together. And at the end of it all Luke betrayed Ben and made him think he was evil. Even now hearing his name caused Poe’s head and heart to hurt.

“Luke? You mean Luke Skywalker?!” Rey exclaimed and Leia chuckled softly.

“Yeah…back when we were based on Hoth he got caught in a blizzard and I went out to save him. He nearly got himself eaten by a Wampa but he managed to get away. Found him passed out in the snow, half buried and I had to keep him alive out there. He was just a kid then” Han spoke softly, voice filled with nostalgia.

Leia grabbed his forearm and smiled sadly. Everything seemed so simple back then.

Even after the Empire fell and Luke and Leia’s father was revealed, they still all had each other and that was more than enough.

“You were all so close” Rey said and Poe spared her a glance before pulling a chair close to the Tank and sitting down. He had heard and seen firsthand how close Ben’s family used to be and he’d seen how their estrangement had taken its toll. “Yeah we were and we will be again, one day soon” Leia said and Poe gave her a shocked look.

“I’m always telling you to have more faith Poe” Leia said as she came to stand before Rey. “Yeah, yeah” Poe responded with a smile.

“You remind me of him, of Luke” Leia said to Rey. “Me?”

Leia nodded and looked into Rey’s eyes, “You’re both so Light, it just radiates off of you”. Rey was shocked, “Ben said the same thing”. Leia looked pained for a moment and spared a glance at her son.

“My son is a complicated person…he was so strong in the Force from the second he opened his eyes, we could sense it even before he was born. I didn’t know how to help him and unsurprisingly there was no one around to tell us how to raise someone like him, except for Luke. He tried his hardest to be there for him and make sure he was okay”

Leia brought a hand over her mouth and Poe felt the room take on a somber feeling. He glanced over at the Tank and saw Ben’s fingers twitch ever so slightly. “It must’ve been nice for Ben to have someone…even if things ended on bad terms” Rey said softly.

BB-8 beeped in alarm as if to say “I’ll say!” and Poe gave him a sharp look.

“What do you know about that night? Did Ben tell you?” Poe asked and now everyone turned to look at Rey. Rey didn’t crumble under the attention and she cleared her throat, “He hasn’t really said anything…anything direct at least…”. Rey turned to face Finn and he sighed.

“On Star Killer, he reached out to Rey and said he saw her but couldn’t reach her” Finn began and Rey looked over at Ben in the Tank. “In his vision he was stopped by someone…someone evil, someone Dark. They’re who triggered his memories of the night on Ossus and I asked him about it…he said that a long time ago he had a vision of his future and it was horrible and vile. He said it was traumatic for him and he had to repress it”

Poe felt his heart break again and he leant his head against the Bacta Tank. The night on Yavin 4 still caused him nothing but pain, he can remember it all so vividly.

He can still feel Ben’s torment, his fears and desire to run away. He remembers how frantic the other man was, how he wasn’t really making sense until he revealed the horrors, “That night, after what happened at the Temple…he came to me on Yavin 4 and told me he needed to leave…we couldn’t be together safely, even though it’s what we both wanted. That’s why we were separated for so long, the man he saw himself become, the Darksider, the Sithlord that would be the enforcer of the First Order would be the death of me. He saw himself kill me”

Poe ignored the gasps he heard, the looks of shock he felt. He never shared exactly what he and Ben spoke about that night, he didn’t need to have their words twisted and dissected to fit whatever narrative someone else had. He still had to deal with that being done with his silence and known feelings.

“Poe…” Leia said as she came to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. Poe just hummed and placed his hand over hers, “He said that Luke saw him fall”.

It was the first time in eight years that Poe has directly said Luke’s name.

“Ben saw who he could become in Luke’s mind and the things he could do, people he’d hurt, people he’d kill, the slaughter that he’d help the Order accomplish…that’s why he left, that’s what he meant” Han said before facing away from the group, overwhelmed by his emotions.

Rey had tears in her eyes but her voice was steady, “He succeeded. Ben didn’t fall, he’s a hero. Across the galaxy, he’s overthrown Warlords and criminals, set people free and…and he was there for me. We both realized why he spent so much time on Jakku, why I always felt like someone was there with me on the worst days and nights…he was always there”

Rey smiled sadly and looked over at the Tank and Finn placed his hand over hers. Rey turned back to him and looked at him like she never looked at someone before.

Poe smiled knowingly at the pair and decided to keep what he noticed to himself for the time being. Leia squeezed his shoulder once more before walking towards Han, “You should try to get some rest…he’ll be ready to get out of the Tank soon. I’ll go find some dry clothing for you. Poe you should change into fatigues”

“I’ll get them their clothing, Princess. You should wait for the young Prince to wake” C-3PO said before walking out the room.

“Thank you, 3PO” Leia said as Han wrapped an arm around her. Poe just rested his head against Ben’s Tank and shut his eyes once more.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Ben felt like he was being lifted out of a dense body of water. He felt sluggish and couldn’t quite hear what was going on around him. He remembered being caught in the avalanche, he remembers waking up in the stream and struggling to keep moving.

He remembers being cornered by Ren, finding Rey and then Finn. Fleeing Ren and being caught again, he was in so much pain then and he had to hide it, be strong for his friends.

He remembers Finn using the Force to summon a lightsaber and stopping Ren.

Things get a little fuzzy after that.

Ben tried to force himself to concentrate, to dig deeper for more memories and he sees himself in the hangar with Rey and Finn and then he sees a figure in orange.

“Poe?” Ben gasps as his eyes open and he sits up way too quickly for someone in his condition.

He distantly hears some scanner start making an alarming amount of noise along with the Med-Droids. The room is too bright for him and he feels incredibly tired, his skin feels too tight and the sheets on top of him are holding him down.

It’s all awful and he needs to get out, he needs–

“Shh, shh, Ben…you’re okay”

Hands were quickly cupping his cheeks, familiar and warm hands that were large and strong.

“Poe…you’re here” Ben said as he finally focused on what was right in front of him. Judging by Poe’s position, the other man had been keeping vigil at his bedside. Poe smiled boyishly at Ben and the other man responded by gripping Poe’s wrists tightly.

“Of course he’s here, we couldn’t get him to leave” a new voice said and Ben looked over to Han entering the room.

Ben smiled as Poe let go of his face and made a betrayed sounding noise, “Hey! I left a few times!”

Han chuckled mockingly, “Yeah, to shower and change and then you came running right back. We told you he’d be fine, it’d take a lot more than some snow to snuff out a Solo. How ya feeling there, Bandit?”

Ben smiled wryly, “As good as I can be, when can I get out of here?”

“Medic said as soon as you wake up, your temp is back up and everything. Your mother brought you a change of clothes” Poe said as he moved to let Ben swing his legs over the side of his bed.

“How long was I out?” Ben asked as he stood on his own and let himself get used to it. He didn’t feel any residual nausea or unsteadiness as he changed his bottoms and put his boots back on.

“Just a day, we’re hoping everything continues going smoothly since we’re moving Bases as soon as possible” Poe said as he handed Ben a dark gray tunic, robe and black vest.

“Makes sense, the Order knows where we are now and I doubt Ren is actually gone for good. He’ll be back, especially now that he knows about Rey and Finn and you” Ben said as he straightened his tunic and robe before pulling on the vest and buckling it shut.

He noted that the clothing his mother had brought for him were essentially Jedi robes.

It’d been so long since he’d worn robes, he had become used to casual smuggler clothes he’d been wearing exclusively for the last eight years. Ben had to admit that the robes were tailored exactly to him and his tastes, he had no idea where she found them (he realized she most likely had them made for him).

Ben tightened the sleek, durasteel vambraces over his forearms and finished tightening his blaster holster on his thigh. Just as he reached for his lightsaber the door opened and his mother walked in, “Ben” she smiled as wrapped him in a warm hug.

“Mother” Ben mumbled as he pressed his face into his mothers hair, she was wearing it down today and Ben was reminded of his childhood because of it. “It’s good to see you up and moving, my darling. I take it the robes are to your liking?” she asked softly and Ben smiled as he clipped his saber and holstered his blaster. He noticed they’d both been cleaned and shined.

“They are very well made…how long have you had these waiting for me?” Ben asked and Han looked over at Leia with a sly smile. Leia rolled her eyes as she straightened out Ben’s robes in an extremely maternal way, “These robes have been with me for nearly two years, I had them made larger and tailored them to your fit last night when you were in the Bacta Tank…I have been waiting for your return since the night you left, I have never lost my faith in you, Ben, not entirely. My prince has finally come home”.

Leia’s warm eyes were filled with misty tears as she stepped back from Ben and smiled up at him, “I’m sorry I didn’t do my best with you when you were growing up. I’m sorry I made it seem like there was something wrong with you, that you were something evil and needed to be sent away. You aren’t, not at all. You shouldn’t have had to shoulder the weight of our family legacy”

Poe and Ben had tears running down their faces and Han valiantly looked away and wiped at the corners of his eyes.

“I forgive you” Ben said quietly, lower lip shaking with emotion, “I know it wasn’t easy…I know that there was so much going on–I know that…I know”

And Ben did know.

He felt it coming off his mother, all her sorrow and sincerity was bleeding into Ben and healing wounds that have been festering for years. He felt lighter, like weights had been removed from him and he could finally stand tall and proud.

“There’s too much in front of us now to keep living in the past…let it die” Ben said and everyone laughed at his words.

“Still as melodramatic as ever” Han said as he walked over to his wife and son and pulled them into an embrace.

Poe felt his heart flutter as he watched Ben melt into the affection he received. His love had been alone for so long, hurting in his solitude and now he was finally home for good. After a moment Ben pulled away and stepped towards Poe, the other man met him halfway.

Poe stared in awe at Ben in his robes, before Ben’s robes had been a mix of off white and cream. He never really looked like Ben when he had them on, but now he was striking in his robes of gray and black.

Ben was also staring at Poe, awed by how beautiful he looked in his fatigues. Poe was wearing dark brown trousers and boots, his blaster holster instantly drawing Ben’s eyes to his muscular thighs. His shirt was an off white color that contrasted nicely with his skin tone highlighter by his exposed throat and top of his chest.

The silver chain and kyber crystal Ben gave him rested in the inviting valley of Poe’s chest. His dark brown jacket was back around his shoulders, the gleaming Resistance emblem proudly displayed on his shoulder.

Ben’s hand came up to cup the side of Poe’s face and tangle into his curly hair. Ben’s knees nearly buckled as he felt Poe’s emotions rushing through him. Poe’s hand instinctively came to rest on Ben’s hips and he squeezed him possessively.

Han cleared his throat as Leia linked her arm with his, “We’ll give you two a moment” he said simply as Leia chuckled into her palm.

“Please join us when you’re ready, the others will be so happy to see you up” Leia said before exiting the room.

Poe made a breathless sound as soon as they were alone. Ben was just fixated on looking at his Akisi, they had time now, no imminent threat or danger.

Just the two of them, alone and safe.

“I nearly forgot how good it felt to be with you, how foolish was I to give this up?” Ben said quietly and Poe felt his eyes grow wet.

“We’ll never be apart again, I won’t allow it, I can’t. I can’t live without you” Poe said as he focused all his energy into expressing his love for Ben.

It seemed to work because the other man closed his eyes in obvious pleasure and he didn’t hesitate to drag Poe into a bruising kiss. Poe reciprocated in earnest and used his hands on Ben’s hips to bring them flush together.

Poe turned into Andorian jelly under Ben’s touch, his heart was racing and his skin burned under his lover’s hands. Tongues met and once more the two men felt like they were existing on an entirely different plane of existence.

Poe made a soft noise as he let go of Ben’s hips and grabbed both sides of his face. The amount of force he was putting into the kiss was staggering and more than enough to hurt.

Ben relished in it.

Ben’s hold on his Akisi’s hair hadn’t lessened and he couldn’t have even if he wanted. He needed to know that this was real and nothing was going to come in and take Poe away from him.

Ben was absolutely certain they weren’t in the MedBay anymore, weren’t on D’Qar, weren’t even in the same star system. The lovers were surrounded by their emotions, their love, affection, desire and devotion to each other.

Time once again turned into nothingness around them, the planet stopped spinning and the stars in the sky froze over.

After a concerning amount of time they separated. Poe’s eyes had glazed over with emotion as he just stared at Ben.

Ben’s hand left Poe’s hair and cupped his face gently, thumbs running methodically under the pilot’s eyes. Ben used this moment to catalog Poe’s emotion and thoughts, Poe just closed his eyes and leant into Ben’s touch and mental presence.

Ben waded through the love, devotion and longing Poe exuded and stopped when he felt his helplessness and heartache. Ben felt his lower lip tremble as Poe opened his eyes and he saw the emotion swimming in them.

“How can I even begin to atone for what I’ve done to you, my Akisi?”

Poe let out a wet laugh as he wrapped his arms around Ben’s neck and pulled him into a hug. “Stay with me, just…stay with me. Don’t leave me behind, let me stand beside you and help you. Please…I can’t bear the thought of parting from you…don’t make me–”

Tears streamed down the older man’s face and Ben pulled away slightly to wipe them away, “I wanted you with me, I’ve loved you…always and I always will. I worried that our time apart would be too much for us, that I hurt you too badly–”

Poe quickly pressed a kiss to Ben’s lips, “Nothing, absolutely nothing in existence could change how I feel about you. I can’t imagine not loving you”.

Ben smiled softly and kissed Poe once more. When they separated Ben’s expression turned pensive, “What is it?” Poe asked.

“This isn’t over…this fight, the war…it’s just beginning. I always thought—I knew…I never thought I’d be able to live up to my family’s legacy. I never thought I could handle the weight of my burden. But now after everything I’ve learned and experienced, after thinking I lost you…I know now what I have to do. I know who I am. My grandfather may have restored balance to the galaxy, but it is my responsibility to maintain it. I always feared I was too similar to him…too similar in our hearts and motivation. He lived and fought for my grandmother as I live and fight for you”

Poe’s eyes widened at Ben, his love dreaded talking about his Grandfather. He hated addressing the hushed whispers and rumors spread about him. He knew he had the tenacity, the volatility, the anger and Force-given gifts. It was a burden he and his mother shared.

He hated being Vader’s heir, but he wasn’t just talking about Vader, he was speaking of Anakin Skywalker.

“I’ve learned that my legacy isn’t just one of Jedis, of royalty or prophecy…I come from a family that fights for love and I have so much to fight for. This time I’m ready and I can defeat what’s ahead of me, ahead of us”

Poe took in Ben’s words and looked at the man before him like he’d never seen him before. For so long Ben had been drowning under the weight of expectations and legacy. Poe had seen the pain in his eyes, the chip on Ben’s shoulder and now, now Ben was practically glowing with pride.

“Us? You mean you won’t disappear on me again? Even if you think you’re protecting me?” Poe asked quietly and Ben laughed as his eyes grew wet with tears.

“I meant what I said, I vow to never, ever leave your side again. I–”

Poe silenced Ben with a smoldering kiss.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Rey peered into the mirror before her as she ran her fingers through her hair.

For the first time ever she questioned putting it in its usual style. She already felt…different in the clothes General Organa–just call me Leia–gave her. The top was soft and bright white and had detached long sleeves. It had silver cuffs around her biceps and wrists, Leia had also given her an over-cloak with a high neck that exposed the tops of her shoulders and ended midcalf.

Rey wore durable dark brown pants and boots and had two strong belts around her waist and hips.

Suddenly the door opened and Leia stepped into the room and smiled warmly at her. Rey couldn’t help but return it.

“I’m so glad to see the clothes fit, do you like them?” Leia asked as she came to stand beside Rey, their eyes meeting in the mirror.

“I love them…they’re so soft. I can’t even–I don’t know how to even begin thanking you”

Leia laughed softly before placing a hand near Rey’s head, as if asking permission. Rey just smiled and Leia let her hand run through Rey’s soft brown hair. “You don’t have to thank me, Rey. I’m happy to give you these clothes and anything else you might need…would—would you like me to braid your hair. I’m quite good at it”

Rey felt her eyes water and she nodded, “Please. I’d–I’d really like that”

Leia smiled and immediately got to work. Rey found herself lost in the delicate feeling of someone touching her hair and scalp. She watched in amazement as Leia braided a thick cord of hair around the back of her head. Leaving a few strands to frame the sides of her face and escape elegantly from the braid to make it less formal.

When Leia was finished Rey couldn’t believe what she saw.

She saw herself, but someone else entirely. She never knew she could look like this, “It looks amazing! My stars!”

Leia chuckled and stepped aside as Rey stood and took in her full appearance. Rey could no longer see the orphaned scavenger too scared to leave Jakku, before her stood a strong warrior who fought and survived against the First Order and was now halfway across the galaxy wither her friends (and family).

“It suits you…you look just like a Jedi” Leia said and Rey felt slightly bashful.

“You think? Ben said that a Jedi needs a teacher…that he would, if I wanted”

“That sounds like my Ben. And? What do you want, Rey?”

Rey opened her mouth but the door whooshed open once more and a golden droid came in.

“So sorry to interpret your highness, but the young prince and Master Dameron have joined us in the hangar” C-3PO said before turning and heading back to the hall. Rey and Leia followed him.

Once in the hangar Rey saw the Falcon besides an all black ship that was unlike any ship she’d seen before. All the other transports were being loaded with cargo and Rebels alike. Han met them halfway and led them closer to the ships.

Rey saw Ben standing below the all black ship, observing it and speaking to someone inside.

“Ben!” she shouted before running over to him. Ben’s head quickly turned to her and he smiled, “Rey”. They met each other halfway and hugged tightly, Ben easily lifted Rey and she laughed in shock as her feet left the floor.

“Oi!! Put me down”

Ben obliged and quickly set her down in front of himself, “Glad to see you up and moving”

Rey smiled and clasped a hand on Ben’s shoulder, “So am I, you worried me a bit on Star Killer. Worried I wouldn’t find you before it was too late”. Ben scoffed but his smile was still warm, “You saved me just in time…you saved me so many times on our journey. Thank you, thank you for everything”

Rey turned bashful and nudged Ben’s boot with hers, “You don’t have to thank me…you would’ve done the same for me. You did actually, this whole time, my whole life…I thought I was alone but…”

“You have me. You always have, I was always searching for you, I felt you and now that I’ve found you…I’ll never leave you”

Rey smiled up at Ben and nodded, “We’re a team now, united’

Ben scoffed again, “That we are. Destinies can be very annoying, but I’m glad to have mine be entwined with yours and I will help you do what you’re meant to do…” Ben looked over to the ramp as Poe and Finn walked down the ramp.

Finn’ face split with glee when he saw Rey and she quickly wrapped him in a tight hug, “Rey!”

“Finn!! You look amazing!” Rey shouted and Finn laughed awkwardly. “You think so?” he asked earnestly. As he ran a hand down the sleeve of his new jacket. It was traditional Resistance orange and had cream detailing down the sleeves and inside of the collar.

It had the Resistance emblem and a Sun on the back, it paired nicely with his dark, durable pants and boots. On his thigh was a blaster holder and utility belt that he salvaged from his Trooper uniform.

“I know so” Rey confirmed with a warm smile, “You look very Resistance”

“He definitely has the Rebel charm” Poe said in agreement and FInn shoved him playfully. Poe laughed and walked over to Ben. He pressed a quick kiss to his jaw as Ben placed an arm around him.

“We’ll be leaving soon…the other Rebels will be heading to Crait with Admiral Ackbar and Vice Admiral Holdo” Poe said as Leia, Han, Chewie and C-3PO joined them.

“Good, I hope they make it safety and stay safe until we reunite” Leia said and Rey looked puzzled. “We aren’t all going to Crait?” she asked and Ben tensed until Poe squeezed his bicep.

“No we have to make on stop before heading to Crait and it’s in the complete other direction. But, before we go I need to ask you and Finn something…” Ben stepped away from Poe and Rey and Finn shared a quick look.

Ben reached into his robes and pulled out two strings of delicate durasteel with small beads, “If you accept and want to learn the ways of the Force, I will teach you. I will share all my knowledge with you two and vow to never abandon you, to help you become who you were born to be”

Rey looked close to tears again and Finn was shocked and emotional, they both began nodding and Ben tried and failed to suppress his laughter.

“From this moment on…you two are my Padawan learners” Ben said as he stepped forward and placed the silka beads over Finn’s ear and secured it. He then turned to Rey and began braiding the longer strand Leia had left loose with the other durasteel string, “It is forbidden for a Jedi to have more than one Padawan at a time, but I hardly ever followed the code even when I was a true Jedi…you’ll know more when we reach our destination”. He finished their braids and awkwardly stepped back but Rey quickly hugged him and Finn followed.

“Thank you, Master Solo” Rey said softly and Ben tried his best to return their affection.

Poe and Han laughed from behind them and Ben glared at him until Leia made them be quiet. Before anyone could say anything a silver droid came out of the all black ship, “Young master!”. Ben quickly walked towards him, “GeeGee? What’s the matter?”

“I hate to hide things from you Master but when I was transporting myself and the Eravana jere I received a transmission” he said and Ben grew anxious.

“How’s that possible? I made sure no one could find us…” Ben said before realizing this was the longest he’d been away from his ship and droid. Something must’ve happened while he was away. “I’m so sorry, but it seemed very important and now is when I was told to share it. May I?’ GeeGee asked.

“Now he asks permission”

“Han!”

“Show us, GeeGee. Please” Ben said and the droid nodded before displaying a holo before them. The group all gasped in shock and Poe grabbed Ben’s hand quickly. There before them, in holo form was Luke Skywalker.

“Nephew…it’s been too long. I know I can’t change what I’ve done and I know I was wrong…now more than ever. I can’t begin to say how sorry I am. I know you’ve returned home to your mother. I feel you all through the Force and that means others can too, I also sense a great Darkness. It’s all just beginning and it’ll take all of us together to defeat him once more…come to Ahch-To, we have much to discuss…and don’t be too cross with GeeGee for accepting my message. There’s only so much a droid can do to ignore its Maker”