Chapter Text
Sequel's out now, called Ocean Madness. You can find it in the series this is a part of. Enjoy the comedy as well.
Alabaster's Incompetence:
“It was that thrice-damned idiot Alabaster. He thought it’d be a good way to get you out of camp. I-”
“Wait, he did what?”
Percy couldn’t help cutting her off. The idea that Alabaster thought trying to kill him was a good idea to get him out of camp was absolutely baffling.
Annabeth nodded vigorously. “He did! You can bet I tore into him for it. There was no way I’d let something like that slide.”
Percy shook his head. “No, I don’t blame you. There’s so much that could go wrong with that! Even ignoring that he’s trying to kill someone, he tried to kill me! Isn’t the whole idea that I make it out of camp? How can I do that if I’m dead?”
“Right?” Annabeth sat down as she beckoned him. He had a feeling they’d be there for a while. “That’s what I said to him. He tried to defend himself saying that Chiron needed to be convinced that camp wasn’t safe for you, but like- Poseidon would’ve claimed you at some point anyway! And even then, there are safer ways to do that without summoning a hellhound! I was already planning a few ways to get you out of camp actually.”
Percy blinked. “Wait, what were they?”
Annabeth waved her hand. “Nothing to worry about. Basically something like the attack Phoebe tried to pull on you but with some of the girls you could handle. I did need you to be alive, you know. Not just because you could be a useful ally.”
“Wait, really?” Percy tilted his head.
“Well, yeah.” Annabeth looked at him. “I did mean it when I said you were my friend, Seaweed Brain.”
Percy shrugged and went along with it. “Did Alabaster do anything else dumb?”
“You mean besides hit on me at every opportunity?” She deadpanned.
Percy blinked. “Huh?”
Annabeth laughed a bit. “You look funny when you’re confused.” Her smile took the sting out of her words. “But yeah, he’s got this idea in his head that he’s a player and he’s trying his luck with me.”
Percy shook his head. “And you haven’t killed him?”
Annabeth sighed. “He’s too useful for me to get away with that now.”
Percy nodded. Then, a thought popped into his head. “Wait, if you wanted me on your side, why did Echidna try to kill me?”
“She tried to what?” Annabeth turned to him sharply.
“She brought the Chimera to fight me and tried to keep Luke and Thalia from helping out.”
Annabeth looked aghast at that. “She was just supposed to make you think Zeus was out to get you! Maybe sow some seeds of doubt for Luke and Thalia in you by bringing up Grover-”
“Oh, that’s what she was doing!” Percy realized.
“What do you mean, child?”
Chiron stepped out, looking utterly confused. They brought him up to speed of their conversation as he put his head in his hands. “That child will be the death of me, and I am immortal.”
“Yeah, I get you.” Annabeth nodded in commiseration. “But back to Echidna. What did you mean by that, Percy?”
“Well, she said something about an old friend Luke and Thalia don’t talk about who died, but that was it.”
Annabeth facepalmed so hard, Percy thought her hand might go through to the back of her head. “That is the single dumbest way to go about it. She should’ve told you about him! He was a hero to he campers!”
Chiron nodded. “Thinking they refuse to speak of their dead hero would be quite the way to turn you against us.” He turned to Annabeth. “Are you certain you have competent allies, Miss Chase?”
She gave him a tired look. “Not anymore. I can tell you that Kronos is going to be really angry with all of them.”
Chiron grimaced. “I can’t exactly say I pity them, but I can imagine.”
The three of them sat and discussed the sheer idiocy of Alabaster further. Somewhere during all this, Paris appeared to join in on the fun. He shared some stories of Alabaster of his own, namely how he kept trying to one-up Paris at everything he did.
“The guy is absolutely irritating! He thinks he’s so much better just because he knows a bit of magic? What a joke! Did you know he tried to curse Luke’s shoes to drag you to Tartarus and it backfired on him?”
Percy stared at him, but it was Annabeth who answered. “Are you serious?”
Paris nodded. “His idea was that Percy would be carrying the bag and the shoes would drag him to Tartarus. He thought he could convince Luke to let Percy borrow them.”
Chiron looked disappointed. “Giving a son of Poseidon who is suspected to have stolen the Master Bolt flying shoes is idiotic enough, to begin with, but how did Alabaster think that Percy would be the one holding the Bolt?”
Paris shrugged. “If I knew, I’d tell you.”
“Hey, Annabeth.” Percy poked her in the side.
She turned to him, tilting her head. “Yeah?”
“Are you sure Alabaster’s too useful?”
Annabeth shook her head. “Not anymore. How did it backfire by the way?”
Pars snickered. “He managed to curse his own shoes to have an anti-gravity effect. They ended up attaching him to the roof of the Unclaimed cabin for hours by the time I found him.”
The ensemble couldn’t help but laugh at that. The idea of Alabaster failing so miserably was far too entertaining.
They stayed there for hours trading stories. By the end of it, Alabaster had lost any semblance of credibility among the four of them. Percy also had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to get any of it back.
Thalia's Awkward Conversation:
Watching Percy and Luke float up to the ceiling was both comforting and terrifying for Thalia.
Comforting because at least they got out alive. She didn’t want to think of what would’ve happened if Percy were stuck here.
And terrifying because she now was alone with Hades, who’s made no secret of not particularly caring for her.
She supposed at least she knew Hades didn’t want to kill her. If that were the case, she’d have already been dead.
Still, it didn’t make things any less awkward.
“Come,” she was jolted out of her thoughts by the Lord of the Underworld. “Take a seat, child.”
She gulped and walked up to a chair that materialized not too far from the two thrones. Sitting down, she found the chair to be comfortable enough.
She sat there for some time before the silence started to get to her. Hades was staring out into the distance, not paying her any mind. She wasn’t sure what to say, or if she should say anything, but she couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
“So…” He turned to her inquisitively. He didn’t look annoyed with her existence yet, so she figured she was still doing fine. “How’s the Underworld this time of year?”
Hades raised an eyebrow. He didn’t look amused or insulted. Honestly, Thalia wasn’t sure what to call that expression; Hades was stoic as could be.
“Busy.” Was all she was given. Off to a great start.
“Like… a lot of people dying?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
If this were any more awkward, Thalia would be floating off to the sea without the use of the pearls. She shifted in her seat, unable to hold in her nerves.
She blinked as she remembered that Persephone was out of the Underworld this time of year. And she’d asked Hades how the Underworld was.
“I see you’ve realized what you said.” Hades sounded vaguely amused at the moment. Thalia wasn’t sure whether she wanted to run for the hills or melt into the floor.
She sat quietly for a bit longer, not wanting to make things any more awkward, but there was only so long she could stay still.
“What do you do with people who believe in a different afterlife?”
“They go to the afterlife they believe in.”
Thalia blinked. “Huh?”
Hades raised an amused eyebrow. “You think everyone who dies comes here?”
Thalia shrugged. “Well… I didn’t really think much about it.”
Hades snorted. “If that were the case, managing the Underworld would be even more of a nightmare than it already is.”
“Nightmare?”
“You’ve seen how filled Asphodel is, haven’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Imagine it triple the size.”
Thalia blinked. “Okay, wow, that’s…”
Hades nodded. “Indeed. Truth be told, I was half expecting you children to walk in accusing me of wanting to start the war to expand my kingdom.”
Thalia blinked. “What kind of a moron would think that? A war between Olympus would make things worse for anyone who doesn’t want to take over. You’ve never done anything close to wanting to take over.”
Hades nodded. “True, but you would be surprised how idiotic some people could be.”
“Alabaster.” She said without even thinking.
Hades raised an eyebrow. “Who?”
Thalia ended up explaining who Alabaster was, and Hades looked less and less impressed with every word. “I do not think I have ever heard of a single more idiotic being in all the millennia I’ve ruled over the Underworld.”
“Wow, that’s saying a lot.”
“Indeed.”
They lapsed back into silence after that, though it was a bit less intense than before. She shifted around a bit before talking again.
“You really believed us about Kronos?” She couldn’t help but ask.
“I sensed no lies coming from you. I am not unreasonable you know.”
Thalia nodded. “I know that. I wasn’t expecting a rant about how expensive running the Underworld is or that Luke and I were running errands for Poseidon and helping Percy steal the Bolt and Helm.”
Hades stared at her for a moment. “I would be more concerned for the state of your camp if one of its leaders thought something like that than anything else.”
Thalia nodded. “It’s something Alabaster would expect though.”
“I believe we’ve already established he is an idiot.”
“True. But yeah, I’m kind of surprised. I figured we’d have to try a bit harder to sound believable.”
Hades considered her for a moment. “Tartarus is near my domain. I can sense my Father rising should I wish to. When you mentioned that, I chose to confirm your statements.” His gaze darkened for a moment. “You were correct.”
Thalia shivered a bit before composing herself. Before she could ask anything else, the Furies showed up.
The lead one fluttered down and kneeled at Hades’ feet. “My Lord. The demigods have successfully retrieved the Helm.”
Hades nodded, satisfied. “Very well. Take this one to the surface then; they have upheld their end of the deal, I will uphold mine.”
They nodded and moved around to Thalia. Soon after, she was teleported to the surface, with her last thoughts being that as awkward as this started, maybe it wasn’t all that bad.