Chapter Text
He fidgeted nervously with the cigarette held tightly between his fingers, small ashes flying down to rest on his now destroyed vans. Checking the time again, he sighed in seeing he still would’ve had to wait half an hour. He decided to get inside despite that, hoping the distorted guitars pushing through the scrappy amps and the movement of the crowd would calm his nerves. He had never heard of the band that was playing in that moment, he knew after some guys called Tuesday or something would go up, and then At the drive in would headline. He honestly hoped the whole deal would be closed before their set, he was really counting on seeing them that night.
The warmth of the room invested him as soon as he set foot in it, almost as if he unlocked a completely different reality than the one he had just come from. And in a way, it was true. The cold, empty streets, with whispers and secrets running through every crack in the walls, the grey sky that left place to an even greyer night seemed distant than more than just a mere door to the room he has stepped in. Warm lights, a very poor attempt to stage lights where dancing around him, in time with the music that had everyone pressing themselves together, pulling, shoving, jumping, reaching out for any way to feel alive.
He would’ve fit there just alright, the thought. He knew about the rumors, what kids in the scene said about this city, but never let himself believe it until he really saw it. He would have been free, maybe even free from his thoughts, from his constant restlessness that just ended up falling into numbness, a constant cycle he felt was eating him up alive every time the wheel slowed down started to spin around again.
Chewing on the third cigarette of the night, he let himself wander around, mapping the way the room was divided. There was a small table with drink bottles thrown in it, a sign next to it saying: “Donate to the band!” in messy handwriting, making his mouth creep into a small smile when seeing a few coins threw in the bucket right behind it. He made his way to contribute with the little he had, keeping in mind he still had to buy the train ticket back. If he could’ve stayed there a little longer, he though. Just a little longer, and never come back.
-Hey
He spoke hesitantly, almost hoping the man he had to meet wouldn’t notice his presence. To his dread he did and turned around with quite an excited glance.
- Oh hey! You must be…
-Anthony.- he cut him off and finished for him.
-I was told Brendon was coming.
-It’s Brendan, and no, I’m covering up for him today.
The man observed him with an unsure expression, studying him and hesitating before signaling to follow him into a side corridor.
-How do I know you didn’t take something for yourself?
-You can count them. 15, just as agreed. -, he shrugged, and shoved his hand in his pocket to grab a small sealed plastic bag.
He looked at the man, impassible expression as the other hummed and counted the roundy white pills in his hand.
-Hm, you seem like a good kid, let’s say I’ll take it. Next time I want to be warned if there is a change of schedule though, alright? -.
Anthony nodded as he grabbed the notes that the other one was passing to him, ready to part ways before he got shoved against the man by someone passing in the back.
-… the fuck, what’s your problem?
To his surprise, the other laughed as he got helped up on his feet.
-Calm, kid, the guy almost fell into you. I think he had a few too many.
Anthony craned his neck, just to see the figure disappearing in another hallway on unsteady legs. Nothing that was new to him, nothing never seen, just the bitter taste of it poisoning his throat.
-Anyway, I’ll head back. You should stay around for a while, not everyday you get the chance to see this guys uh?- the man smiled an made his way back to his room, and despite his advice he was not followed by the other boy.
Anthony walked slowly in the opposite direction, curiously wandering around what seemed more like a house than a proper venue. To all honesty, he was in a basement more than a proper venue, but he enjoyed that. He heard the chattering getting more faint as he made his way through the empty halls, the silence suggesting him there was still time before the headlining band made their way up on the stage.
Hell, he could get used to this. Talking to the man before was… easy. Not many questions asked around, not the alert to check no on he knew could spot him there, and even if, he was sure here they’d keep their mouth shut. He could’ve gone back to the group he interrupted before, made friends, he could’ve gotten out. Get out.
He found himself at the end of a similar dark hallway, only one door shining a faint light through it. As he approached, the stench and the tiles on the floor suggested the nature of said room, on one side glad for his encounter as he realized he really needed to take a piss.
It took him one look around the bathroom to freeze in the spot, his gaze falling to the last stall, where a limp leg laid on the floor. He thought ridiculous that a house actually had stalls in the bathroom, but what the fuck did he know after all.
He made his way carefully to where the body caught his attention, to find a figure bent unnaturally on himself. A tug in his stomach, acid back to poison his throat.
Carefully lifting his head, he placed two fingers on his throat. The heartbeat was stable. A little of the built-up tension released as he checked his mouth, lips dry and pale but no foam, no drooling. The figure in front of him didn’t seem bothered by his thorough analysis, Anthony assumed he had passed out. It was a boy, he would say barely a couple years older than him. Pretty thin, with a black shirt drenched in sweat sticking to his body, revealing more of his small shape. His face was completely white, purple eyebags scraping the smooth surface as dark brown hair stuck equally as the shirt to his forehead.
Only now the stench reached his senses, and he coughed when taking a look in the toilet, the gross sight confirming what he thought. He flushed, before getting up and managing to wet some paper enough, brining it back to the boy and passing it carefully on his forehead and lips.
He shook him a little, first gently then a little more insistent, nervousness crawling back to him as he got no response. He slapped him lightly on the cheek, and that seemed to do the trick as the other slightly moved his head.
-Hey, hello? Can you hear me?
Nothing. He insisted, putting a little more strength in his movement.
-Dude, can you hear me?
With his other hand he started tapping on his shoulder, finally pulling a bigger sign of life from the other.
-Hey… hey?
The boy slowly opened his eyes, teary and unfocused, as he tried to take in the sight in front of him.
-Are you okay?
Anthony saw the struggle of the other to understand what was happening, noticed how his mouth hung open, limps still numb, it seemed the only thing really awake in him where his clear blue eyes, He couldn’t help but notice an almost soft look in them.
-You’ve been out for a while, what did you take? – he knew he was pushing his luck with this, he knew how everyone squirmed away and told him off at the question.
-You can trust me, I just want to help. -
The boy seemed unbothered, he parted his lips a little more before pressing them shut again, the soft expression he had shifting to discomfort and pain as Anthony knew exactly what was coming next. He helped him up as he almost threw himself on the toiled, his whole body shivering and spasming.
-Hey hey that’s good, spill it all out.-
He patted his back gently, feeling a pang of pity as he other had only time to let out a choked gasp before throwing up again.
-There you go, come on. It’s okay, all out alright?
He held him steady, arm under his torso to get him back up when he was done. He quickly cleaned his mouth and passed the wet paper on his face again, careful movements as he could see the clear relief in the other’s expression. He swallowed as he saw what was in the toilet.
-Fucking hell… it didn’t go easy on you, did it? Have you eaten anything dude? You’re basically throwing up blood. You should get something to eat, at least your stomach won’t be only processing that shit.
He paused, making sure the boy was somewhat paying attention to what he was saying.
-Anyway, I wanted to grab you some water but… I’m not really sure it’s safe to leave you alone right now. Did you come with somebody?
The reply came out slurred out, a mix between a raspy whisper and what seemed just like a small cough.
He let out a sight of relief. Still. This guy was far from fine and nothing told him he wasn’t going to get worse. He quickly held his head in place as he coughed, knowing a concussion was the last thing he needed at the moment. Even without expecting an answer, he gave another try.
-Look, you don’t look like you OD’d or anything, but I think you should call someone. Don’t worry, I won’t say what you took, whatever that is…-
He was expecting the surprise on the other’s face, what was not expected was how genuine it seemed.
-It’s okay dude, it’s not the first time I see someone in your state…or worst. I don’t judge, if you could tell me what you took it would help though.
-I didn’t take anything. –
Anthony frowned, only the way his voice still came out ruined and muffled was enough to suggest him he was lying. He would’ve given him the benefit of the doubt if he wasn’t collapsed on the floor for who knows how long, if he didn’t seem completely weak and barely aware of what was going on.
-Nah, look at you, you look like death. Seriously, you’re whiter than the walls, honestly look kind of fucking grey, you can barely open your eyes, let alone raise your head. I’m trying to help, don’t bullshit me.
Worry was tightening around his chest, he tried to study the other’s face more, a failed attempt to understand by his symptoms what was causing the intoxication. He had seen many, too many for his age, too close together, all of this was too familiar, he was to accustomed to it. He tried to ignore the boy’s reluctance to say what had happened, and almost rolled his eyes as he heard him mutter that he was just sick. He heard a sharp inhale, and immediately wrapped him arms back around him, supporting his body and pushing him up, completing his failed attempt to get himself in a better position.
-You should stop trying to move. What are you sick with then? Sorry but this doesn’t look like a winter flu.
His attention drifted away from the chocked phrases the boy let out to his features again, his face still scrunched in pain, a hand pressed against his stomach he hadn’t notice he was there. Maybe he was right, he could’ve been sick, but whatever it was it must’ve been a real bitch, he noted the way the guy was slim seemed unnatural, head kind of unproportional for the tiny arms.
When he heard for how long he was supposedly sick for though he jumped up with his head, and before he could reply the other spoke something even more absurd.
-You were with the band??? Are you for real? Dude you are dying in the bathroom, how did you even play in this state? For fucks sake…
He didn’t know why he was so upset, he wasn’t sure why he was lecturing the guy that he never met, didn’t even know his name, barely spoke to him. And yet, concern and anger pooled at his stomach as he pressed a hand on his forehead, closing his eyes and clenching his jaw.
-You’re fucking burning up, you need to go to a hospital right now. Goddamn…
He was looking at the door, wondering if someone would come if he yelled for help, when he felt a small movement under his palm. The boy was slightly pushing forward, meeting his palm and fingers and slowly closing his eyes.
-Hey hey hey no, you stay awake until I find someone.
But it seemed as he achieved the opposite result. The boy almost leaned all his strength in the touch as his features relaxed, pain seeming to leave slightly his features as he let out a small sight.
Anthony stopped to look at him, a foreign wave of affection flowing through his body, allowing himself to stroke slowly his fingers on the other’s forehead. That seemed to help even more, as the boy in front of him seemed almost asleep now. He stayed there for a little longer, letting his eyes trail all over the other’s figure, wandering, imagining who he was. He noticed two small marks on the edges of his nose, he imagined he had glasses, and wondering how this so fragile seeming person could ever be in one of those bands he saw screaming and throwing themselves on the stage just hours ago.
Before getting up, he made sure the other wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon, whispering lowly he was coming back immediately and that he was looking for some help; he could only imagine the fear of waking up alone in that state. He walked fast in the hallway, the sudden music shooting through the halls suggested the show was still on. He made his way in the crowd, pushing away sweaty bodies that kept clashing against him until he reached the made shift bar.
-Do you know…
He spoke louder, the music covering almost all his words.
-Do you know if one of the bands here is looking for one of their members?
The girl that handled beers frowned a little before her face lit up, signaling Anthony to get closer to her.
-Yeah, yes Geoff and the other boys have been looking for him for an hour at least. You know where he is?
Geoff, he thought. The name wasn’t exactly new to him, but not familiar either. He nodded and told the girl where the sick boy was, and before he could add anything she ran to a small group of three guys of his age that were standing at the entrance, all of them clearly tensed.
He looked at them making their way to where he just came from, and on one side he wanted to follow them, explain what had happened, but on the other something told him to just leave.
He forgot about the set, exiting the building and being slapped by the reality of the place he was in. Again, around him there were the grey walls, the broken streetlamps, flickering weak lights in the emptiness of the streets.
His train arrived in time, and as he got on, he couldn’t stop his mind from going back to the livid light of the bathroom, to the weak figure he felt so drawn to. He knew, he knew how this things went, he knew he would end up again in the same loop, attachment, care, obsession, loneliness. He didn’t feel obsessive, that’s really what he was told, but at the same time any sign of affection he had shown was taken wrong. Not by that boy though, could’ve been because he just needed someone to hold him up in that moment, but he couldn’t help but worry. Did his bandmates find him? Did that Geoff guy take him to the hospital? Did he have people that cared for him? The way the three guys basically ran to the bathroom as they got to know his whereabouts indicated he had, indeed, people that cared for him, that worried for him. He shook his head, annoyed in how worked up he was getting on someone he would most likely never see again in his life, and yet he kept wondering.
As the cold wind of the night hit his face at the exit of the train station he let his mind run through the chance, the slight and blurred chance, their paths might cross again.