Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Two years later.

“What about this?” asked Sea, lifting the jar of tahini oil for Talay to inspect.

After a brief examination, Talay nodded in satisfaction. “That looks right. Put it in. When your Por comes back with the chickpeas we’ll having everything to make hummus.”

“Why do you want to make hummus for dinner, Papa Talay?” asked Jigsaw from beside him.

“Papa and Por want to try a new diet,” explained Sea before Talay could reply. “They’re bored of avocado toast and salmon rolls.”

“Oh; why do you and Papa Wai diet?” asked Jigsaw.

“It’s for our health, Jigsaw,” replied Talay, smiling at the two boys. “We’re getting older, so we need to take better care of ourselves.”

“Why though? You and Por are so fit; everyone at school says so,” said Sea, looking a little grumpy. “All the older girls at school keep bothering me about you.”

That piqued Talay’s interest. “Oh? What do they do?”

“Nothing much. But they like to watch when you and Por drop me off. And they keep asking me if you’re sweet to each other at home. I don’t even know what that means; I just tell them that you love each other and they all start giggling and ask me if I have any pictures.” Sea pouted. “It’s really been bothering my reading time.”

Talay giggled, as did Jigsaw. “Maybe it’s you they’re interested in, Sea. And they’re just using your Por and I as an excuse to talk to you.”

“Is Sea a playboy, Papa Talay?” asked Jigsaw, grinning.

“Where did you learn that word?”

“I heard Uncle Tup calling Uncle Tou that; I think it means someone who’s friends with a lot of girls and guys.”

“Well…close enough. But yeah, maybe Sea might be one…if not, he will be.”

“Papa…” whined Sea as Talay sighed dramatically.

“My boy…growing up and becoming a heartbreaker so soon. Where did the time go, honey? I missed you being so tiny. Please stay small and cute like this forever, na?”

“I’m already eight, don’t call me cute,” grumbled Sea. “And don’t call me honey too…the girls at school heard you when you picked me up and they’ve all been calling me that.”

“Aw…what about me, Sea? Can I call you honey?” asked Jigsaw, snickering and dodging Sea’s attempt to poke him in the ribs.

Talay watched as the two boys bickered playfully, smiling wistfully. In just two years, they had both grown up so much. They were taller now, lankier; the baby fat had given way to longer and skinnier faces. But no change had been as dramatic as the changes to their personalities; Sea in particular. They had become more grown up; Sea starting to object to endearments Talay always used with him, and insisting on being more independent. He now preferred reading by himself rather than with the adults, and he was less quick to give a hug, and protested any kisses.

In just a few more years, the boy would become a teenager, and would want to be more independent and be less open about his affections with the two men who had raised him.

Talay sighed, such was the price of growing up. He promised himself to accept whatever came his way, and just appreciate all the moments he had left in Sea’s childhood, before it all faded away with his growing up.

“Alright, boys, that’s enough,” he said, as Jigsaw continued teasing Sea. “Let’s go find your Por, Sea.”

They ambled along the aisles of the supermarket; Sea insisting on pushing the trolley, and Talay allowed him. The kids asked for some other snacks that he had to veto, given that Pran already had dinner plans for their sleepover at his house that night. The boys had wanted to hang out for the night, and normally, Wai and Talay would be happy to host, but due to certain circumstances…

“Oh, Hia Drake! You’re here too?”

That brought their slow amble to an abrupt halt. Drake was staring at them, dressed in  his school uniform. For a moment, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights, as though he had been caught doing something wrong. Then, a grin spread across his face.

“Hey guys,” he greeted, giving a wai in Talay’s direction. “Khru Talay.”

Sea and Jigsaw leaped onto the bigger boy with a  delighted cry, glomping him excitedly. He caught them easily, having grown taller in the last two years; he was only slightly shorter than Talay now. Though he was still skinny, his arms were now corded with wiry muscle, and Talay could see the faded lines of old scars that had healed over criss-crossing his arms; particularly on the knuckles. It struck him that Drake now looked more like a young man than a boy, and the signs of previous -and many fights, if the faded scars were anything to go by- worried Talay.

At the moment though, Drake had a big, childish grin on his face as he easily engulfed the two smaller boys in his arms.

“Hia, we thought we wouldn’t see you until tonight!” said Sea excitedly.

“I’m so excited! It’s been so long since we all had a sleepover with all of us!” added Jigsaw.

“Yeah, we’ll have fun at Uncle Pat’s right? And do you know what Uncle Pran’s cooking? I hope he’s making his steak; it’s so good,” said Drake, ruffling the two boys’ hair.

“Yeah!” chorused Sea and Jigsaw.

Talay watched them, smiling fondly. The three boys had grown closer over last two years. Even though Drake was much older, now thirteen, and probably with his own circle of friends in school, he always found the time to hang out with Sea and Jigsaw. The two younger boys adored and practically hero-worshipped Drake, evidenced by the face that they had moved on from Phi to Hia in addressing him. And sometimes, Talay thought he saw something in more in the way Sea’s eyes shone when he was with the older boy.

It both gladdened and worried him. In many ways, Drake had been a positive influence on Sea: he had helped him come out of his shell; had helped Sea become more like a regular kid. After initially worrying about Sea making friends at school, Talay was glad to see him hanging out with kids his own age whenever he went to pick him up after school. At the same time, Drake had also encouraged and whether he knew it or not, cultivated Sea’s reading habits. Talay had often found them on the floor of Sea’s bedroom, reading books well-above the younger boy’s grade. And thanks to Drake, Sea had become much more fluent in English, often having conversations with Drake in the language at such a rapid pace that even Talay found himself scrambling to keep up.

Yet, it still worried Talay. He had avoided any sort of contact with Drake’s father in the last two years, but he still couldn’t help noticing the signs of a potentially troubled home life for the boy.

“Thanks for this, P’Pran,” said Talay, taking the food containers Pran had given him.

“No problem,” replied Pran. “Mae gave us too much to finish, so I thought you and Wai should have some. You miss your grandma’s food, don’t you, Sea?”

Sea nodded from beside Talay, smiling up at him. “Yes. Thank you, Uncle Pran.”

“No problem, kiddo. Now-”

“Oh, hey Sea…”

“P’Drake?” chirped Sea excitedly, upon seeing the other boy. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m staying here right now,” said Drake, absently catching Sea when the younger boy leaped on him.

“Here?” repeated Talay, frowning. “What about your…your father?”

No answer from the boy. Curious and concerned, the kindergarten teacher in him taking over, Talay took a closer look. Drake looked disheveled, smaller somehow. He looked on the verge of tears, his head bowed, staring at the ground.

“Drake, did…?” began Talay, but Pran stopped him, shaking his head.

Sea, sensing the older boy’s distress, hugged him.

Talay had stayed with Drake that day, as Sea didn’t want to leave his friend. Pran had not said anything at the time, and Talay left the matter alone. Yet later, in a quiet moment, Drake had admitted that his father had been ‘sadder’ than usual, and had been drinking more frequently and heavily, frightening him.

As to why, no one needed to ask.

With Korn in such a state, Pran and Pat had decided to temporarily take over Drake’s care, while Pat, Chang, Mo, Pa and Ink tried to get Korn back on his feet. It hadn’t been easy, with Korn slipping into such a deep heartbroken depression that not even the knowledge that his son needed him could move him.

Talay, fearing that the knowledge may move Wai to go to Korn, had kept it from his boyfriend, something the others had silently agreed on. Their reasoning was that the man needed to move on, and thus needed to be away from Wai. Talay was ashamed that his reasons were much more selfish.

And it hadn’t been easy on Drake, as testified by the scars from his fights, Talay observed sadly. Even though he had practically lived with Pat and Pran the last two years, and they tried to provide some desperately-needed stability for him while helping Korn; they were not Drake’s parents. Even though Drake had grown closer to Pat, and even bonded with Pran, it wasn’t the same.

Fortunately, Drake was a resilient kid, and it showed in how he had, for the most part, grown up into a somewhat normal, if trouble-prone teenager.

Which was why the first question to come out of Talay’s mouth was: “Did you skip school again, Drake?”

Drake had the audacity to look offended. “I did not, Khru Talay.” At Talay’s sceptical stare, he hastily added. “Honest! I didn’t! Why won’t you believe me?”

“Well…”

“I swear, Khru Talay, I went to school and finished today!”

“Considering I caught you playing truant just the other day-”

“I wasn’t playing truant; I was just-”

“Give it up, Hia,” said Jigsaw, grinning. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

Drake grumbled under his breath as Sea touched him on the arm, looking at Talay and Jigsaw reproachfully.

“Papa, Jigsaw, don’t be like that. I’m sure Hia Drake’s telling the truth…this time.”

“Not you too, Sea…”

Talay watched Jigsaw and Sea tease Drake. While he was worried about the troubled youth’s potential influence over the younger boys, there was no doubt that they had a positive influence on him. And after what had happened, it was a miracle that they all had remained so close.

It had been a difficult journey to get to this point.

Drake and Sea were sitting under a tree, reading. Talay watched them intently, feeling anxious, even though Pran had already reassured him that he was the one who had brought Drake, not Korn. It still didn’t stop Talay from glancing around, keeping an eye out for the other man.

“Are you okay?” asked Pran, giving him a sidelong look.

Talay swallowed, uncertain of how he should answer the the question.

It had been weeks since the events with Korn, and Talay was still wrestling with it. Though he had ultimately decided to stay with Wai, things were difficult. His trust in Wai had been deeply shaken. Talay was haunted by the fear that he could lose the man he loved to Korn at any moment. It was making him paranoid, and every moment he was not with Wai, he would be tormented by dark whispers that the older man might be going to see Korn.

That fear had seeped into everyday life, making it hard for Talay to function normally. He was distracted at work, something which would have gotten him into trouble if it weren’t for Tou covering for him. It had gripped Talay so completely that he was constantly battling the urge to call and check on Wai’s whereabouts constantly.

In the end, all Talay could do was shake his head. Pran sighed and wrapped his arm around Talay’s shoulder, but said nothing more. Talay was grateful for that; he didn’t need platitudes assuring him about his relationship. He just needed time to process everything.

He prayed that one day, he could truly get over it. In the meantime, he tried to console himself by watching Sea and Drake. The younger boy had been asking to go to the park for weeks to meet with Drake, but Talay had been terrified at the possibility of meeting Korn. Sensing this, Wai made an excuse that Sea had accepted. Talay had followed suit, and for weeks, they kept making excuses until it was too shameful to keep it up.

And Talay felt guilty for coming in between Sea’s friendship with Drake.

“Why did you bring Drake to the park, P’Pran?” asked Talay. “Why not…?” He trailed off, not even wanting to speak Korn’s name. The man he feared above all others.

Pran was silent, eyes on the kids. Talay sensed that he was weighing his options…on what, he didn’t know, so he just waited.

“I don’t know if I should tell you this…or if you really need to know,” said Pran slowly. “But if the kids are going to hang out…then maybe it’s only fair that you know what’s going on.”

“What is it?”

Pran sighed. “Korn’s not doing well. He’s…he’s taking what happened really hard and…well, it’s been affecting Drake, too.”

Talay stared at Pran, not knowing how to respond to that. After all his fear, insecurity and terror following what had happened between Korn and Wai, hearing about the other man struggling was like getting a bucket of water thrown into his face. He didn’t know how to feel about it.

“So Pat, Chang, Mo, Pa and Ink have been taking care of Korn…and as for Drake…Korn’s agreed to let him stay with me and Pat in the meantime. He…he’s trying to get better, but Drake…he’s struggling, too.” Pran shook his head. “Honestly, I’m glad you brought Sea today.”

Not wanting to hear any more about Korn, Talay refocused on Drake, feeling his inner teacher come to the fore, filled with concern for the child. “How’s Drake handling things?”

A sad smile curled in the corner of Pran’s mouth. “He is one tough kid. And he shouldn’t have to be. But…he’s trying to be strong about it. Other than asking how Korn is, Drake doesn’t talk about it much. When he’s with us, he just…he just stays in his room, mostly. Pat has been busy with Korn, so I…I’m trying to engage with him, trying to get his mind off things but…he’s still not really comfortable with me.” Pran sighed again. “I can’t blame him, after how cold I was with him. It was a shitty thing I did, the way I treated him.”

Talay felt a lump in his throat; thinking of how he had been so anxious at the thought of meeting Drake because of Korn. Drake; a perfect resemblance of Korn. In his mind, he imagined that if Korn was present, it would somehow lead to him losing Wai.

He had almost wanted to keep Sea away from Drake because of that…and he was so ashamed of himself for it.

“The only thing Drake ever asked of me is to bring him here,” continued Pran. “Every single day after school. He wouldn’t say why, but I think…I think he’s been looking for Sea. He’s been down for weeks, and this is the first time he’s looked somewhat happy. He needs his friend.”

Guilt filled Talay at this, and he kept his eyes on the kids. Sea was leaning against Drake’s side as he read, and the older boy had rested his head on top of the smaller boy’s. There was a faraway look in Drake’s eyes, like he was lost in thought, not really paying attention to Sea reading aloud.

As though he was just taking comfort in Sea’s presence.

It had been two years since then, and Talay was glad that Drake had found some normalcy, despite his tendency to play hooky and getting into fights. Talay and Wai had often caught him, and had to bring him back to school, or to Pat and Pran, depending on the time of day. And they all had bonded with him in some way: from Pat and Pran acting like surrogate father-figures, Chang, Mo, Ink and Pa his cool uncles and aunts, while Talay was more of a…teacher beyond-school-hours to him.

And of course, Sea and Jigsaw.

They were Drake’s little brothers.

Talay smiled at the thought as he watched them joke around, and moved closer to ask if they wanted ice-cream-

“I got the chickpeas, Talay.” Wai emerged from the aisles, carrying a bag of the ingredient, and paused when he saw Drake. For an instant, they stared at each other, and then Wai sighed.

“Drake…did you skip school again?”

The youth groaned as Sea and Jigsaw giggled. “Uncle Wai…I swear I didn’t! Why don’t any of you believe me?”

“Alright, sorry,” said Wai apologetically, smiling at him. Talay thought it was the most beautiful thing to behold. Like everyone else, Wai had bonded with Drake too. At first, Talay had been anxious about it, fearing Wai having any sort of connection with anyone and anything related to Korn. But seeing Wai being so kind and caring to Drake had driven back those fears. To see Wai show Drake the same warmth with which he regarded Sea and Jigsaw, it had made Talay’s love for the older man grow. It made Talay’s fears feel like something so selfish; something he had brought it up with Wai, who had simply been understanding and reassuring.

Despite that, Talay still could not help but fear that if Wai were to find out about Korn’s struggle, it might shake the man’s heart. That it may move Wai to go to Korn. But Wai had never asked anything about Korn; even though he must have suspected, given Drake’s situation.

Perhaps Wai himself understood that it was best not to know.

The thought had been of little comfort to Talay, but over time, it had become less terrifying to him. Wai, understanding what Talay was going through, had been so patient and considerate. It was going slowly, but their relationship was healing over the past two years.

Which was why Talay no longer trembled when Wai sidled up to his side to wrap an arm around his waist. Which was why Talay no longer hesitated to lean against his boyfriend. Which was why Korn’s face didn’t flash across his mind when Wai gave him a gentle smile, before turning back to Drake.

“So why are you here?” he asked the boy.

Drake lit up. “Mom’s arriving tomorrow. She’ll be staying with us for awhile, so we’re shopping to welcome her with a big dinner.”

“That’s nice,” said Wai, beaming at Drake, who looked so happy that Talay felt glad for him.

“Be good and show her a good time, okay? Try to keep your usual antics down,” said Talay, and Drake grinned.

“Will do, Khru.”

“So, are you here with your Uncle Pran? Or Uncle Pat?” asked Wai.

At this, Drake’s smile grew wider. “Actually, I’m here with-”

“Drake, where’d you get to, you little rascal?”

Upon hearing that voice, terror tore through Talay, and before he knew it, he was clutching at Wai’s shirt. His boyfriend’s expression had become guarded, but the arm around Talay’s waist squeezed gently, giving him a measure of comfort.

Korn strode out of the aisles, coming to a halt when he saw them. Talay saw the myriad of emotions flashing across the other man’s face. Surprise, joy, anger, disappointment, and then sorrow. Yet, not for a single moment did Korn take his eyes off Wai.

Talay’s clutched more tightly at Wai’s shirt, trembling. He looked at his boyfriend, who maintained his guarded expression, though his eyes had softened ever so slightly. Talay’s breathing hitched a little, and he turned to look at Korn. The other man was trying to hide it, but Talay could see the yearning on his face, unchanged from two years ago.

It terrified Talay. This was what he had been trying to avoid all this time; Wai and Korn meeting again. That fear from before, that he was in danger of losing Wai, returned in full force. A small whimper threatened to rise in his throat, stopped only when Wai squeezed him comfortingly around the waist again.

“Hey…” said Korn slowly before he trailed off, looking lost.

“Sawasdee khub, Uncle Korn,” greeted Sea and Jigsaw, unknowingly coming to the rescue. The greeting snapped Korn out of his daze, and he managed to smile at them.

“Hey, kids,” he said. “Came to help me keep an eye on Drake?”

“Yes!” chorused the two smaller boys, grabbing on to Drake’s arm like police apprehending a criminal. Drake merely rolled his eyes, though he was beaming. Korn ruffled his son’s hair.

Now that as Korn’s eyes were no longer on Wai, Talay managed to relax ever so slightly. Instead, he observed the other man closely, noting that outwardly, Korn looked alright. But Talay thought he looked a little thinner; the cheeks hollower and the eyes slightly more sunken. He also observed that Korn looked paler, as though he had not been going out much. Abruptly, Talay remembered something else Pran had said.

“Back then…I would have said it was karmic justice,” said Pran bitterly, staring down at the grass. “After how he hurt Wai…and you…I would have…I would just be…” He trailed off. Talay wasn’t sure if Pran couldn’t find the words, or if he just didn’t want to say it. Either way, Talay didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear anything about Korn.

“Looking at Drake though…” Pran continued, his eyes back on the kids. “…I feel like a real piece of shit. Whatever Korn’s going through…it’s hurting Drake, too. And no matter how I feel about his father…the kid doesn’t deserve that. He deserves better.”

Talay looked over at the older man. Pran, who was like his big brother. Who was Wai’s best friend; his fiercest defender…who had also been wounded by the suffering that Wai had gone through in the past. Talay wondered if it was the memory of that suffering that was going through his mind now.

Pran’s face was filled with sadness and regret. “Back then, I would have said that Korn deserves what he’s going through. But now…I just want to move on from this. I want Korn to move on from this and get better…because Drake needs him. Pat and I are doing our best, but he needs his father.”

As he watched Korn talking to the kids, Talay wondered if he had found the healing he so desperately needed. From the way Drake was smiling at his father, there seemed to be some progress at the very least. And for that, for Drake, Talay was glad.

But that gladness diminished upon turning to look at Wai’s face. Talay could see there was something there. Some deep emotion glimmering in his boyfriend’s eyes. It was different from the anguished yearning he had seen two years ago, when Wai had admitted that he still harboured feelings for Korn, yet there was something familiar about it.

As though sensing the gaze, Korn turned back to Wai, and Talay had no doubts that the other man still yearned for Wai. His grip on Wai’s shirt tightened, and he began trembling ever so slightly.

Wai’s arm squeezed his waist once more, warm and comforting.

“How are you?” Wai asked Korn.

A small smiled, more like a grimace, curled around Korn’s mouth, filled with bitterness. Talay saw the way the other man’s eyes flickered to him, then down to where Wai’s arm was wrapped around his waist, then back to Wai again.

Talay could see the longing in the other man’s eyes so very clearly.

“What do you think?” Korn replied, his voice betraying his pain.

Talay clutched at Wai’s shirt all the more tightly.

):):)

Wai could feel the fear radiating from Talay. His boyfriend was trembling ever so slightly; it was less palpable than it would have been before, but it was still there. Not that Wai could blame him. He was just grateful that they had rebuilt their trust to this extent, and that they were getting better. Squeezing Talay in what he hoped was a comforting gesture, he kept his eyes on Korn.

Korn, who looked like he was still hurting. It had been two years since they saw each other, yet there was pain in Korn’s eyes as he looked at Wai, and yearning. Wai sighed inwardly. This was not an ideal situation; Korn clearly wasn’t over him yet, and while he didn’t think the other man would do anything rash with the kids present, Wai didn’t want to complicate things by prolonging their exposure to each other.

Wai didn’t want to give Korn any false hope. His former lover needed to heal.

Despite that, Wai couldn’t help but look at Korn closely. He saw how the other man looked thinner, paler and much more gaunt. The last two years had clearly been rough on Korn, and the other man still had a long way to go.

Wai understood what Korn was going through.

After Korn had left him all those years ago, it had taken him a very long time before he had gotten better. Wai had refrained from asking Pat, Chang, Mo, Ink or Pa anything about Korn in all that time, knowing just how hard the path to healing would be.

Still, Wai couldn’t help but feel concerned for Korn.

And he still felt his love for the other man lingering within him. But it was different now. It was no longer the remnant of the desire left behind by their past cruel separation. This was simply care for someone who had been important to him…was still important to him, in many ways. Wai still cared about Korn, even if Talay was the one owned his heart.

And though he desperately wanted Korn to heal, Wai knew he wasn’t the right person to help him do that. And being exposed to each other so soon before Korn was ready would not be good.

But still, Wai just wanted to ask if the man was doing any better. And even that had been too much, if Korn’s bitter response to his question was any indication.

Korn, who was still watching him with those hurt-filled eyes, and it made Wai feel guilty. He decided not to answer Korn’s question, refusing to be baited down that path.

“It’s good to see you and Drake,” said Wai instead. Drake beamed at him before smiling at his father.

The smile on Korn’s face was clearly forced, but he nodded. “Yeah…it’s about time I…I do what’s right. Pat and Pran have been amazing, but…well, can’t let Drake forget that I’m his dad, can I?”

Wai nodded. “That’s good. Are you both living together again?”

“Yup…but I still go to Uncle Pat’s after school.” replied Drake brightly. And the forced smile on Korn’s face became a little more genuine when he looked as his son.

“I think you’re just more comfortable there now, aren’t you?” he said, ruffling Drake’s hair. “It’s going to take some time to get used to living with me, again, isn’t it?”

Wai smiled warmly at Drake, but his words were for Korn. “Hang in there. You can do it.”

Korn clearly understood, but instead of being encouraged as Wai had hoped, his face crumpled, and it reaffirmed  for Wai that the other man was nowhere near over him yet. He sighed inwardly, understanding it was still too soon for them to even talk without stirring their past feelings. It was best he removed himself from the situation.

“We’d better get going,” he said to Talay, who had been silent the whole time. He turned to the kids. “Sea, Jigsaw, say goodbye to Uncle Korn and your Hia.”

“Bye, Uncle Korn! We’ll see you later, Hia!” chorused Sea and Jigsaw, giving a wai.

Korn responded with a half-hearted wai of his own, before looking at Wai again. The yearning still burned in his eyes, and he opened his mouth. For an instant, Wai wondered if Korn was going to ask for another chance, and from the way Talay’s grip on his shirt tightened, he knew the same thought had crossed his boyfriend’s mind.

And from the way Korn hesitated, Wai suspected that Korn had been about to, but then he closed his mouth and sighed, shaking his head.

“The kids are sleeping over at Pat’s tonight, right?” was what Korn said. “I’ll be dropping Drake off later in the evening. When are you dropping off Sea and Jigsaw?”

Wai glanced at him, noting the sad resignation on Korn’s face. He saw the question for what it was; an attempt to coordinate to minimise their chances of running into each other and complicate things. Such a simple thing, but it showed that Korn was making an effort, and Wai was glad for him.

“We’ll be dropping them off right after this,” said Wai softly. “We’ll probably just stop for some quick tea and be on our way.”

Korn nodded. “Alright. I guess…I’ll see you around, Wai.” He glanced at Talay, and for a brief second, pain flickered in his eyes. “You too, Talay.

For an instant, Talay flinched as though struck, but then relaxed, giving Korn a small nod and briefly released his hold on Wai to give a wai.

Wai rubbed his boyfriend gently on the back, before giving Korn what he hoped was an encouraging smile. “Take care of yourself, Korn.”

Another sad, bitter smile on Korn’s face. “You too, Wai.”

):):)

Dad was sad again.

Drake could see it as they walked into the parking lot. In the slump of his shoulders, the drag in his feet, the bow of his head. It was there in the way Dad was staring at the ground as they walked together. If he peered close enough, Drake was sure he could make out a faint glimmer of a tear rolling down Dad’s cheek.

It was scary. Whenever Dad got sad…

Drake padded out of his bedroom to get some cereal for his breakfast. He was just thinking of knocking on Dad’s door to ask if he wanted some, but instead found him passed out on the couch. There were empty bottles on the coffee table.

Feeling a lump in his throat, Drake crept towards Dad, and prodded him in the side.

“Dad, it’s morning. Time to wake up.”

No response from Dad.

“Wake up, Dad.”

Still no response.

“Dad?”

No even the slightest stir from Dad. Frightened, Drake shook him, but received no response. He even tried yelling, and Dad still didn’t wake up. Terrified, Drake had called Uncle Pat for help.

After that, everything passed in a blur; Uncle Pat was taking Dad to the hospital, and he was in Uncle Pran’s home, feeling lost, confused and scared.

“Have you eaten yet?” asked Uncle Pran hesitantly. “I could make you something, if you like?”

Drake sensed the awkwardness between them. Despite Uncle Pran being warmer to him of late, Drake was still guarded around him, still unable to shake off the feeling that Uncle Pat’s boyfriend didn’t like him much. But in the aftermath of his fear, he let his guard down completely.

“Is it my fault, Uncle Pran?”

The man blinked. “Pardon?”

“Is it my fault that Dad’s so sad? That he keeps drinking like this?” asked Drake, his voice trembling, tears spilling down his cheeks. “I thought he and Mom were happy before…but then they tell me they’re leaving each other…because they weren’t happy. I’ve seen Mom with her new boyfriend and she’s happy now…but Dad’s still so sad…is it because of me? Is he sad because he has me…?”

“Hey…it’s not you…” And before he knew what was happening, Uncle Pran had knelt down and pulled him into a hug. It was unexpected, but Drake didn’t care. He clung to the man, shaking as more tears rolled down his face. Uncle Pran held him, gently stroking his hair.

“Your father…he’s going through something difficult,” said Uncle Pran gently. “Something that’s haunted him for a long time. But it’s not your fault, okay?”

“Then why can’t I stay with him?”

“Because he knows he’s in no state to properly care for you,” Uncle Pran drew back to look at Drake. There was kindness in his eyes that Drake had never seen before, and it made him glow a little despite his sadness. “That’s why your Uncle Pat and I are going to take care of you until he gets well enough. Okay?”

“O-okay.”

“Now Drake, I’ve never raised a kid before, so you’re going to have to tell me when I do something wrong, alright? Or if you need something. Just let me know. Or Uncle Pat. We’re here for you.”

“Alright…Uncle Pran?”

“Yeah?”

“C-can I have another hug?”

That kind smile on Uncle Pran’s face again. “Of course.”

Uncle Pat and Uncle Pran’s house had become a second home to him, thanks to their efforts. Drake had come to love them for all the care and affection they had shown him, but when Dad had asked if he wanted to stay with him again, the joy that erupted in his heart had made him giddy. Of course, both his Uncles had been a little sad to see him go, but happy for him too.

Now, seeing Dad so sad again, Drake couldn’t help but wonder if it was his fault again. Dad had been sad when they moved to their new home in Thailand, and then he seemed to be getting better after Drake went to live with Uncle Pat and Pran. Now he was back living with Dad…

Your father…he’s going through something difficult. Something that’s haunted him for a long time. But it’s not your fault, okay?

Like he had two years ago, Drake tried to believe in Uncle Pran’s words. But he was worried that Dad might slip into a bottle again and get worse. And that it had happened after they had run into Khru Talay and Uncle Wai…

He might be young, but Drake had observed the patterns; that Khru Talay, Uncle Wai and Dad had never been in each other’s the last two years. That both men had never asked him how Dad was doing…

Abruptly, he thought back to the question he had asked a long time ago.

Are…are you the same Wai that Dad loves?

He had never gotten his answer, but Drake more than suspected that he knew what it was. If Uncle Wai really was the reason that Dad was so sad…Drake should hate him, no?

Yet he couldn’t. Uncle Wai had been so kind to him the last two years, and he was Sea’s dad. And Drake adored Sea…so how could he hate his little Nong’s father?

In the end, he chalked it up to one of those adult things that Uncle Pat always threw his way if it was something that he really didn’t want to explain to Drake.

Right now, he just wanted Dad to feel better. Drake didn’t want him to start drinking heavily and making himself sick again. Not knowing what else to do, he hugged his father, right in the middle of the parking lot.

“D-Drake?” Dad’s voice was shaking, and Drake knew he was trying not to cry. “What’s this for?”

He merely tightened his embrace around his father. Drake had felt much better when Uncle Pran had done this when he had been feeling so sad, so he hoped it would do the same for his father.

“I love you, Dad.”

A hand gently patted him on the head. “I love you too, son.”

When Drake pulled away, he saw a small smile on Dad’s face, and, at least for a little while, his father didn’t look as sad.

):):)

“Since the kids aren’t here tonight, do you want to do anything?” asked Wai as he stood to clean up the dishes.

Talay shook his head, watching his boyfriend intently, still thinking of the events that had transpired earlier. It had been just a few minutes, but Talay had seen just how deep the exchange between Wai and Korn had been. The way Korn still obviously longed for Wai…and the look on Wai’s face, that strange, yet familiar look Talay still couldn’t quite place.

In that brief exchange, Talay’s mind had tormented him with visions of Korn pinning Wai against the wall and kissing him. Of Wai kissing the other man back. That their past love had reignited once more and shaken Wai’s heart-

But then, Korn had left with Drake. And Wai had touched Talay gently on the back, looking at him questioningly. Silently asking if he was okay. Talay had given Wai a pleading look, worldlessly asking if anything had happened, if Wai’s feelings for Korn had stirred once more?

Understanding filled Wai’s face, and some sadness too. But he answered by kissing Talay gently on the brow. The loving gesture reassured Talay, and banish the haunting visions of Wai and Korn together. And, as they had driven to Pran and Pat’s home, and had tea with the other couple, Talay had felt more at ease.

Now, as he watched Wai finish cleaning the dishes, Talay felt love and affection blooming in his heart for the first time in two years. After being tormented by fear of losing his boyfriend, and an unhealthy possessiveness, the feel such pure, positive feeings made him giddy.

That he was still capable of feeling that way was nothing short of a miracle.

Just because he had ultimately decided to stay with Wai, in no way that meant that things went back to normal. In the aftermath of what had happened, Talay had been constantly tormented by paranoia. The terror of losing Wai haunted him daily.  All he had to do was look at Wai’s face, and the terrifying thought of his boyfriend with Korn would rear up in his mind, and Talay found himself constantly wrestling down the urge to interrogate Wai, to check his whereabouts. It made him stiff and agitated around his boyfriend, lashing out at even the slightest misunderstanding. Whenever Wai had to work late, Talay found himself waiting for the other man to return, upon which he couldn’t stop himself from demanding where he had been. And even though Wai always reassured him; it didn’t stop his mind from conjuring images of his boyfriend and Korn reconnecting in secret.

It was deeply unhealthy, he knew, but how could he help himself when he felt that his hold on Wai was so precarious?

Wai, understanding what Talay was going through, had been very patient and understanding. He hadn’t tried to force normalcy on them; instead giving Talay space to process his feelings. The first few nights after the incident with Korn, Wai had offered to sleep on the couch, which had not helped at all. Talay would lie in bed all night, tormented by nightmares of Wai sneaking out to Korn, and he’d keep getting up to check that Wai was still there. Eventually, he asked Wai to return to their bed, though they still maintained a distance.

Even though all Talay wanted to do was to hold on to Wai and never let go, he couldn’t. Such was the conflict he was going through. And the thought of just giving up had crossed his mind many times. It would have been easier, yet despite everything, Talay still wanted Wai.

He had just doubted that Wai truly wanted him.

The irony was that even though Talay had feared that Wai was only staying with him for Sea’s sake, it was Sea himself who had jumpstarted the healing process.

“Papa, did Por upset you?”

“D-did he say that?”

“Yes. What did he do?”

“It’s okay, Sea…you don’t need to know. Just…just…”

“But you’re always sad now, Papa…do you want me to scold Por?”

Despite himself, Talay managed a weak chuckle at that. “No…don’t do that. I’ll scold your Por myself.”

“Make sure you scold him properly. So that he knows what he did was wrong.”

“I will, honey.”

Sea had looked at him with those solemn eyes for a moment, and then he had climbed into Talay’s lap and hugged him, saying nothing more. And Talay, fighting back tears, had hugged him back, finding an anchor in the child which prevented him from going to pieces.

After a long moment, Sea drifted off to sleep on Talay’s lap, and that was how Wai found them. Talay stared at the other man, watching how he leaned against the doorway, watching them. He remembered a time when he had loved seeing the peaceful contentment on Wai’s face whenever that happened.

What he saw now was gladness. Wai looked as though he was trying to hold back any display of emotion, as though he didn’t want to disturb Talay and Sea, but Talay could see it brimming in the other man’s eyes.

Silently, Talay reached out, beckoning to Wai. After a moment’s hesitation, Wai approached cautiously; as though he was worried that Talay would bolt if he moved too quickly. When he was close enough, Talay took Wai’s hand and pulled him down so that they were side-by-side. He looked into his boyfriend’s eyes. He felt love yet fear, hopeful yet fragile at the same time. Talay opened his mouth to say something, but in the end, he couldn’t find anything to say. Instead, he found himself leaning on Wai’s shoulder, trembling slightly. The trembling stopped when Wai wrapped his arms around Talay’s shoulders and around Sea.

“I’ll prove myself to you, Talay,” Wai whispered softly in his ear. “I promise.”

Talay showed his acceptance of Wai’s words by burying his face in the crook of the older man’s neck, trying to find comfort in his embrace once more.

And, starting with their mutual love for Sea, Wai and Talay had gradually rebuilt their relationship. Slowly rebuilt their trust, despite all the difficulties stirred by Talay fear. Affection eventually began to make it’s way back into their lives, fanned by Sea’s love for them. And every day, little by little, Talay’s fear began to subside. It never really left, but it’s hold on him became less powerful, less suffocating. And now, Talay was able to show how much he loved Wai once more.

Everything they had rebuilt had threatened to be shaken upon running into Korn at the market earlier, but Wai had remained steadfast. Abruptly, Talay realised what the emotion he had seen on Wai’s face was.

It was love.

But a different kind of love.

How I feel for him now…is how I still feel for Pang. I’ll always hold on to it because it was something so damned precious to me…

What he had seen on Wai’s face was lingering love for Korn.

But it was the same kind of love that Wai still held for Pang. It was love for someone who had been an important part of his life…but no more. Wai still cared about Korn, but knew that they were no longer part of each other’s lives. And Wai had shown that today…both to Talay and Korn.

And now, for the first time in two years, Talay was beginning to feel secure in their relationship once more. It was tentative, but it was there. And he hoped in time, it would be as strong as it had been before Korn returned…and hopefully would grow stronger.

Moved by this thought, Talay slowly stood up, stumbling a little on legs that had become slightly unsteady. He went to Wai, who had just finished drying his hands, and embraced the older man from behind.

“T-Talay?” There was a question in Wai’s voice. Asking without words if Talay was okay; if he was affected by the meeting with Korn earlier. Talay wanted to banish those wordless questions for good, one step at a time, one tender embrace at a time.

Realising he was trembling, but unable to bring himself to care about it, Talay buried his face against the back of Wai’s shoulder, inhaling his boyfriend’s soft, sweet scent, secretly relieved that he was able to take comfort in it once more.

“You…you really won’t leave me, Hia?” he asked, his voice a whisper.

Wai’s hands rubbed Talay’s arms, leaning back against him.

“No,” he answered firmly. “Never.”

“R-really?”

“Yes.”

“You…you’re really mine?”

Wai slowly turned in his arms to face him. He lifted Talay’s face, hands warm on his cheeks, looking upon him with that tender look. To Talay’s joy, he felt his breath hitch under the gaze, just like in the past.

“I’m yours, Talay,” answered Wai, his thumbs tracing circles on Talay’s cheeks. “For as long as you want me.”

And for the first time since Korn, Talay felt desire. Not just in his heart, but in his body too.

“Show me, Hia,” Talay whispered, and he pulled Wai into a kiss.

Their first true kiss in two years. Not a tentative peck, not a chaste display of affection. A kiss of pure, unadulterated desire. Talay’s passion surged, overflowing through his entire being when Wai’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer and deepening their kiss.

“Hia…” Talay whispered as their lips momentarily broke apart before locking together again. “Hia…” He tried again when they parted again. “…show me that you’re mine.”

And Talay pulled Wai to their bedroom. He climbed into their bed, looking at Wai, filled with so much desire for the man he loved. The man who was staring down at him, hesitating.

“Are you sure about this, Talay?” asked Wai, the faintest tremor in his voice.

It was as though they were doing it for the first time again. Only before, it had been an exciting blend of shyness, excitement, love and lust. Now, it was something else entirely. It was as though they had reached a critical point, after the anguish from before, to see if how much they had healed since.

If they had truly healed.

And if they took that step, what they may find out could be all the more devastating for them. Something so painful that they may not be able to come back from it. And yet, it could also be something beautiful…something they had rebuilt through their pain.

Talay looked into Wai’s eyes. Wai, who had been through so much in his life. Wai, who had been so patient and understanding, so stoic in his attempts to atone for what he had done to Talay. Wai, who had done his best to help them both heal.

Wai, whom Talay loved with his entire being.

“Yes, Wai,” said Talay softly.

He reached out and pulled Wai into the bed onto him, and they laid themselves bare to each other.

Slowly, he allowed Wai to explore him once again, trembling under his lover’s touch and kisses. Slowly, Talay rediscovered Wai, kissing and touching his Hia’s beautiful body. Their passion reignited, and eventually, their room was filled with soft moans and the heat of their bodies pressed together.

Talay buried his face against Wai’s neck when his boyfriend entered him, breathing in his scent. He felt as if a missing piece of himself had been returned to him, and a tear rolled down his cheek as Wai took him. He clung to his Hia, moaning softly, only to be silenced when Wai kissed him deeply.

And Talay felt it. That sense of completion, of belonging. That oneness with Wai that had been missing since he had his heart broken. Now, he was beginning to feel whole again, as though his heart had been pieced together; still fragile, but whole. And as Wai continued to make love to him, Talay felt it growing stronger.

“Wai…Wai…my Wai…” Talay whispered, his eyes fluttering shut as he lost himself in his boyfriend.

“I’m yours, Talay,” Wai’s voice was raw, loaded with so much emotion. Talay opened his eyes to look at the other man. Wai, who looked overwhelmed, as though he couldn’t believe what was happening. Who was looking at Talay with such reverence…as though he had found divinity itself.

And Talay pulled him close once more, kissing the man he loved. Not an inch of distance remained between their body as Wai took them both to completion. Talay’s body blazed with pleasure as he climaxed between his own body and Wai’s, trembling as he felt Wai’s own climax filling him.

Completing him.

Then they were looking into each other’s eyes again. Talay could see Wai’s brimming in the dim light, like deep wells flickering in the light. Filled with that emotion…

“I love you, Talay,” Wai whispered, sounding so sincere, so vulnerable…as if he was in pain.

And he felt it. Talay felt the love swelling in his heart, and the words were just at the tip of his tongue. He opened his mouth, ready to say it.

But faltered.

His fear of losing Wai, though diminished, still lingered enough to make Talay to hesitate saying the words. He now understood why it had been so hard for Wai to say the words to him for so long, and he understood now how devastating it was to feel that way. Talay tried to say it again, but found the words stuck in his throat, and he felt tears brimming in his eyes.

And then Wai was kissing him, so tenderly.

“It’s okay,” Wai whispered. “I made you wait so long to hear me say it. You don’t have to, Talay. I’ll wait…I’ll wait forever if I must.”

Talay looked into Wai’s seeing nothing but sincerity in them. His love for the other man threatened to make his heart burst and again, Talay tried.

“Hia…Wai…I…I…” But Talay got stuck again, but he could feel it, right there on the tip of his tongue. The words he wanted to say to Wai again. But the memory of Wai pulling Korn into a kiss flashed in his mind, and once more, he faltered.

Wai’s lips pressed against his forehead, banishing the memory. Reminding Talay that Wai was there with him. His boyfriend withdrew, before settling down beside him, gathering Talay into his arms.

“You don’t have to say anything, Talay,” Wai murmured into his ear. “I know.”

But Talay wanted to. He wanted to tell Wai those words again. He wanted to be able to say it without fear…to say it with tenderness and joy. But he understood that he wasn’t ready yet. Talay buried his face in the crook of Wai’s neck, breathing in his boyfriend’s scent; reassuring himself that it was real, that they were together. Wai’s arms held him; firm and warm, and Talay felt a wave of happiness that he could find comfort in the touch once more. Slowly, still breathing in Wai, he drifted off to sleep, praying that one day, he would once more find it in himself to tell Wai just how much he loved him.

):):)

“Korn, I don’t think this is a good idea,” said Pat, looking around the bar.

Korn smiled tightly, staring down at the pint of beer before him. “That’s why I brought you…to stop me from going too far.”

Pat gave him a worried look. “You’ve been working so hard to cut down your drinking, should you really be tempting yourself like this?”

“I won’t drink any more than this,” assured Korn, jerking his chin towards the beer. When Pat still looked worried, he continued. “Don’t think of this as…as you being here to stop me from getting drunk off my ass and…and…”

And terrifying Drake again.

Korn would rather die before hurting his son like that again. But after seeing Wai again…and feeling that painful yearning for him return; as powerful as ever, Korn needed this.

“...just think of this two friends chatting over a beer,” he finished lamely, not meeting Pat’s eyes.

His best friend sighed. “Alright.”

But in the end, they barely did any chatting. After some empty pleasantries, they sat in silence for the most part. ‘A beer’ turned out to be literal, as Pat did not order anything other than water, and Korn found little comfort in the bitter beverage, and spent more time just staring into it, taking a small sip every now and then.

Korn had told Pat, of course, why he needed this. But now he had little else to say, and Pat didn’t seem to know what to say.

Wai had truly moved on, Korn hadn’t.

It was simple as that.

Korn was grateful that Pat didn’t offer any empty platitudes like time healing all wounds, or try to push him to meet other people to try to forget Wai. Pat was just there to listen, speak plainly and offer what comfort he could.

Pat had truly been his rock. He had been patient, kind and supportive. No judgment, no grief, just understanding and support. Thanks to Pat, Chang, Mo, Pa and Ink truly understood the depth of what Korn had gone through, and had been there for him.

Really, just having them helping him get through his broken heart…after his own parents’ indifference to his pain and the pressures they had put on him; some days Korn just wanted to cry out of gratitude because of the support system he now had, that he had sorely missed after he had been forced to leave Wai.

But the biggest thing, was Pat and Pran taking in Drake while Korn had been a mess...Korn truly had no way of expressing just how grateful he was. Struggling with his urge to drink while wrestling with the guilt of what he had done, and his burning need for Wai, and trying to raise his son on top of all of that?

It would have been a disaster.

So when Pat had volunteered to take in Drake, Korn had only managed to protest weakly, but his best friend’s firm and gentle persuasion convinced him. Korn made a point to spend time with Drake at Pat’s home as much as possible, to assure his son that he hadn’t been abandoned, though he could see Drake had initially been upset by the development.

Drake would be upset with him for quite a while.

But at the very least, his son would be upset with him whilst in a stable environment.

Pran had been Korn’s major concern, given the other man’s anger over the past. But to hear that Pran had been doing his best to care for Drake, and then seeing it for himself…Korn had nothing but praise for him, even if they could never be friends because of what had happened with Wai.

“I’m not doing it for you,” murmured Pran awkwardly when Korn had taken him aside to thank him one day. “Pat loves Drake, so I’m doing this for him…and Drake. He’s a good kid. A great kid.”

Korn tensed, expecting a barb, or a cruel comment from Pran. But nothing came. Instead, Pran looked him in the eye.

“You and I…after everything that happened, I think there’s just too much anger on my side for…for me to ever forgive you.” Pran’s gaze was steady. “But Drake needs you, Korn. He needs his father…he needs you to be there for him. He needs you to tell him that it’s not his fault that you’re hurting like this…not me.”

Pran raised a hand, the movement slow and hesitant. Korn tried not to flinch when it landed on his shoulder.

“Get better, Korn. Pat and I will hold down the fort, so you get better and… come back and take Drake home.”

For that, Korn was so grateful.

With a sigh, Korn leaned against Pat’s shoulder, figuring that he might as well take some physical comfort from his best friend while he was at it. Besides, it would hopefully keep some of the girls and occassional guy from hitting on them (well, mostly Pat, but Korn got a few interested propositions too).

“Buddy, I need to go take a leak. You’ll be okay?” asked Pat after a moment.

Korn scoffed weakly as he removed his head from Pat’s shoulder. “Even if I wasn’t, what are you going to do? Take me to the bathroom with you? Go.”

Pat snorted and gave him a little bump before going. Leaving Korn alone with his own thoughts and the only half-drunk pint of beer. Korn stared into the drink, remembering a time when Wai would bring it to him without needing any prompting. How he’d have that beautiful lopsided smile whenever he’d place the beer in front of Korn, whilst silently warning him to behave…which Korn would ignore and playfully pinched the other man’s butt the moment the opportunity presented itself.

A small smile, a sad one, curled across his lips at the memory. His vision was growing blurry as his eyes grew hot…

“Hey there, handsome. Can I buy you a real drink?”

It took Korn a second recompose himself before he replied without looking up. “Sorry, not interested. Just here for some quiet time.”

An amused chuckle. “Alright, I can respect that. But why don’t you at least look me in the eye when turning me down, Phi? Show me that much courtesy at least.”

“Phi? Did you just assume my age?” Korn asked.

“Yeah, only an older guy could have such a muted, but very attractive energy,” replied the stranger without missing a beat. “How about it, Phi? Give me a look before you turn me down.”

Korn decided the stanger had earned that much, and looked up at him.

And stared.

It was Wai.

For a moment, joy erupted in Korn’s heart, thinking that Wai had changed his mind and wanted to give them a chance again. But then, he slowed down and took a closer look. The stranger looked very similar to Wai, but there were enough differences for Korn to conclude that it was not the man he still loved.

The stranger looked younger, very similar to Wai during their university days. Yet, there was a vibrant, youthful energy about him; very different from the more reserved air of growing-up-too-quickly that had surrounded Wai even back then. He carried himself with the carefree air of someone used to being adored and loved by the people around him; a sharp contrast to the fierce, stubborn guardedness with which Wai had protected his own heart.

And to top off the difference, the stranger wore a stylish, steel rimmed glasses, behind which eyes sparkled with bright curiosity and interest, completed with a cute bucket hat with a llama scrawled onto it.

But for all the differences, the smile the stranger wore on his face was so similar to the smile that Wai used to reserve only for Korn. A smile that always lifted his spirits no matter how down he may be.

The smile Korn had lost forever.

Slowly, the smile faded from the stranger’s face, and he leaned forward, raising his hand as though to touch Korn’s face. Startled, Korn jerked back a little.

“Who hurt you, Phi?” asked the stranger, concerned.

Korn blinked, and realised that a tear had rolled down his face. He turned away and wiped it.

“It’s nothing,” he mumbled, wanting the stranger to go away, but also wanting him to stay, if for no other reason than that he reminded Korn so much of Wai.

After a moment, the younger man spoke up again. “If you want, I’ll leave you alone. But, if it’s not too forward of me…it seems like you have...quite the story, Phi. And maybe…you could share it with me one day, when you’re ready. But for tonight…” A gentle touch on Korn’s arm. “…I’d be happy just to keep you company; share a drink or two, if you’d like?”

Wai bringing Korn a drink after getting off his shift, smiling as he leaned against the bar counter.

“Need some company? Share a drink or two before we dump this joint?”

Korn nodded, his breath taken away by the beautiful smile. He opened his mouth and said-

“Sure,” said Korn, indicating the empty seat across from him. The Wai lookalike settled down, that lovely smile on his face as he regarded Korn, hope twinkling in his eyes. Abruptly, Korn realised just then that he looked very familiar, in a way that had nothing to do with Wai. Korn wondered if he had seen him somewhere else. Maybe a movie?

“I’m Puen,” said the stranger, offering his hand.

A fitting name, thought Korn. Slowly, he took the offered hand, shaking it once.

“Korn. Nice to meet you.”