Chapter Text
Things at home had felt…awkward recently.
Jesse wanted to think that Lukas was adjusting well, but he really couldn’t tell. He’d been very quiet and a little distant, politely turning down Jesse’s invitations to hang out with him and Axel and Olivia. He spent a lot of time tucked into his own little space, doing his own thing.
Axel didn’t really talk to him, though he still acted the same as always around Olivia and Jesse. He was worried they weren’t getting along, but there didn’t seem to be any actual problems between them other than Axel’s avoidance. He probably just needed time to get used to things.
Olivia was the most normal—she got along with Lukas alright, and they’d even had a few short conversations. She even let Dewey sleep on her bed while she worked sometimes, though she was always diligent about cleaning the cat hair once he’d left.
Jesse was sure everyone just needed some time to get used to each other. It had only been a few days, after all.
Besides, he still visited Lukas at work every day. That hadn’t changed. There was something special about it that Jesse couldn’t quite place. Probably just because it was familiar.
The bell above the door jingled its cheerful little sound as he pushed it open. He waved at Nell, who gave him a wave in return before turning back to her drawing. He sat at the table in the corner where he and Lukas usually spent his break.
Lukas had forgotten his lunch that morning. It had been sitting on the counter when Jesse was packing his own. He tended to leave for work before Jesse was even finished making breakfast, assuring him he would get something on the way to work—it was routine, he’d explained when Jesse asked—so Jesse figured he could just bring it with him when he visited.
He set the bag in the center of the table, kicking his feet a bit as he waited. He’d managed to get most of the dirt off of his hands on the way over, though his reflection in the window showed that there were still smudges all over his face.
Soon enough, he heard the door to the back open and the soft sound of Lukas’ voice as he assured Nell he’d keep an eye on the counter while she took her break. It was only a few seconds later that Lukas sat down across from him. There was a smudge of flour on his cheek and it made Jesse feel a little better about the dirt. It was kind of cute on Lukas, too.
Jesse paused slightly, shaking the thought from his head. He’d been thinking things like that a lot recently.
“Hey, Lukas,” he said, smiling. He pushed the bag closer to him. “You forgot your lunch this morning.”
Lukas glanced at it, something unrecognizable in his eyes for a second before he returned the smile. “Thanks, Jesse. I hadn’t even noticed.”
“No problem! So, anything interesting happen today?” Jesse asked, opening his own lunch box and unwrapping his sandwich.
Lukas shrugged, playing with the corner of the bag. “Nell says we got two more customers than usual this morning, plus there was a cake order. And I made a few more of those little snowman cupcakes like the one in the window. They’re fun.”
“They look fun. I love their little faces.” He’d noticed the cupcake display on his way in. It was a regular vanilla cupcake with peppermint frosting and a little marshmallow snowman on top. He was considering getting one once he finished his lunch.
“I’m gonna get to do a lot more stuff like that the closer we get to the holidays.” Jesse watched as Lukas folded the corner of the bag back and forth a few times. It crinkled softly as he did. He hadn’t pulled anything out of it yet. “What about you? How’s your day been?”
“Pretty good! We’re starting plans for our Christmas party. I’m in charge of decorations.” He took a bite of his sandwich, chewing and swallowing before he continued. “I’m also gonna visit my parents later. Olivia said she’d drive me since she has to get groceries.”
Lukas hummed slightly. “I won’t cause too many problems while you’re gone.” He offered a teasing little smile and Jesse felt that weird flutter return.
“I know I don’t have to worry about you. Axel, though…” he joked, grinning as Lukas snorted and covered his mouth. Jesse really liked making him laugh.
“Well, I hope you have a good time.”
“Oh, yeah. It’s always nice seeing them again.” He finished his sandwich, crumpling the paper. Lukas still hadn’t even opened his own lunch. “Aren’t you eating?”
“Huh? Oh, uh…I’m not really hungry right now. I’ll eat it a little later,” he said, glancing down at the table as he ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks for bringing it, though.”
Something Jesse had noticed over the past few days of Lukas living with them was that he tended to eat at odd times. He didn’t usually eat dinner with everyone else, assuring Jesse he’d grab something later. Jesse wasn’t sure how often he did—the leftovers were often untouched when he pulled them out the next day. He wondered if it was a habit left over from living in his previous apartment.
“If you’re sure,” he said, getting to his feet. “I want to get one of those funny little cupcakes. And maybe some lemon bars for my parents.” He pulled his wallet out, walking over to the counter.
Lukas was quick to follow, going around to the other side of the counter. He handed Jesse a cupcake and grabbed a box, neatly arranging the lemon bars in it. Jesse smiled, handing him the money before heading back to the table with the baked goods. It was the same familiar routine. It was nice.
“How’s the cupcake?” Lukas asked as Jesse took a bite. He didn’t sit down, though he did lean against the chair a bit. “I haven’t actually tried them.”
“It’s really good,” he said. He held it out slightly. “Do you want some?”
Lukas shook his head before finally sitting down, resting his chin in his hand. “I’m good, but thanks. You enjoy it.”
Jesse shrugged a little, finishing it off. The peppermint frosting paired nicely with the vanilla of the cake itself, and the little marshmallow snowman added an extra pop to the whole thing that really tied it together.
“Here, you have some, uh…” Lukas reached out, brushing his thumb along the tip of Jesse’s nose. His eyes went wide soon after, though, and he pulled his hand back quickly. The rest of his sentence came out in a mumble. “Frosting. On your face.”
Jesse blinked dumbly, his mind taking a second to catch up to what had just happened. “Oh, um…thanks.” His face felt really warm all of a sudden, the fluttery feeling in his chest stronger than ever.
Lukas stood up quickly, grabbing onto the back of the chair as he did. His face and ears were pink. “I, uh, should probably head back now. Thanks for coming. Um…have fun at your parents’ place.”
Jesse nodded, his thoughts still a little hazy. “Yeah. Thanks. Have…have fun baking.”
He watched as Lukas grabbed his lunch bag and hurried off to the back again. He reached up and touched his nose gently, his face still hot.
Was that normal?
He shook himself off a bit, gathering his things. He had to get back to work. The faster the day went by, the faster he could visit his parents.
Maybe he could ask them about whatever was going on.
—-
Jesse’s parents’ house was on the edge of town, in a small forest clearing with a long gravel driveway. Ivor had never liked visitors, and Jesse had grown up with plenty of space to run around and play. The only difference between Jesse’s childhood and now was that the house lacked any Christmas decorations except for a small, plain wreath on the front door and some lights in the bushes. Ivor had stopped decorating once Jesse moved out, but Harper made sure to keep a bit of liveliness around the dreary old house.
Jesse waved goodbye to Olivia as her car pulled away and checked the box of lemon bars to make sure none had gotten squished. They were still in good condition. The snow and gravel crunched under his boots as he walked up the driveway. He knocked twice before pulling the door open.
“Mom, Dad, I’m home,” he called, smiling. The inside of the house was exactly like he remembered it—small, dark, and with books piled everywhere. He closed the door behind him.
“Jesse!” Ivor was at the top of the stairs, a stack of books in his arms. “I didn’t realize you were visiting today!”
“He told us he was coming the last time he called, remember?” Harper appeared behind him. She waved. “Hey, Jesse. We’ll be down in a minute—we were just organizing some of these books.”
“I’m surprised Dad agreed to that,” Jesse said, taking his coat and boots off. “What about his—”
“My system, yes! I know exactly where everything is!”
“He spent three hours trying to find a book last night and I told him we needed to organize better,” Harper explained. “This place is a mess.”
Ivor scoffed. “It’s not that bad.”
“It’s pretty bad.” Jesse laughed at Ivor’s affronted look. “What? You could never find anything when I lived here, either.”
“That doesn’t matter,” he said, dropping the stack of books with a thud. “This is a waste of time, anyway. You’re here now!”
He made his way down the stairs, Harper following close behind. Jesse pulled them both into a tight hug. “I missed you a lot.”
“Yes, yes, we missed you, too.” Ivor patted his back before pulling away. He’d never been the most physically affectionate, but he put up with it for Jesse’s sake. “What’s in that box?”
Jesse smiled, holding the box out as they made their way to the living room. “I brought lemon bars!”
“That’s very sweet of you,” Harper said, taking the box with a smile of her own. “Are these from that bakery you mentioned?”
He nodded, moving some books off of the couch so he could sit. “Yep! I picked them up when I went during my break today.”
“Excellent,” Ivor said as he sat next to Harper. She opened the box and handed him one of the bars, which he bit into immediately. “They’re very good.”
“Everything I’ve had there is good. Lukas and Nell are great at their job.” He smiled, thinking about the cupcake from earlier. It had been so good.
“How’s Lukas doing, anyway?” Harper asked, taking a lemon bar of her own. “He’s the one that’s staying with you, right?”
“Yeah, that’s him. He still needs some time to adjust, I think. It was all pretty sudden.” His mind drifted to how distant Lukas had been at home, how quiet and reserved.
“You said he came from an unpleasant situation, correct? It took you time to adjust to a new environment as well,” Ivor said.
Jesse nodded, remembering back when he’d first come to live with Ivor. Things had been very different back then. “I’m just grateful you didn’t turn me away. I honestly thought you didn’t like me at first.”
“Yes, well, I wasn’t exactly expecting to suddenly have a child to take care of. There was no way I was letting you go back, though.”
“I’m glad,” he said, smiling. “It was like that when Mom came to live with us, too. So yeah, everyone probably just needs some time to get used to each other.”
“It’s still a little weird hearing you call me that,” Harper admitted. “It’s nice, though. I was worried all those fairytales you liked reading had given you a bad view on stepmothers.”
Jesse laughed a bit, shaking his head. “No way. You were never like that. Plus, you made Dad happy.”
“And we both know how hard that is,” she joked, glancing at Ivor. He scowled, though Jesse had known him long enough to know he wasn’t truly angry.
“The point is,” he said loudly, clearly trying to redirect the conversation as Harper took his hand, “things are going to be awkward at first. Give it time.”
Jesse nodded. He’d certainly been feeling the awkwardness lately, and not just at home anymore. He thought about earlier, when Lukas had wiped the frosting from his face and hurried away.
Now that he was thinking about it, he realized that hadn’t been the first time something like that had happened. He remembered when he’d gone back to make cookies with him, how he’d wiped the flour from Lukas’ cheek and they’d both frozen in a similar way. Or when Lukas had gone quiet while they were playing Mario Kart, like he’d wanted to say something but changed his mind.
He looked at his parents’ intertwined hands and couldn’t help but think of how nice it felt to hold Lukas’ hand. He’d done so a few times, and his hands were always cold. He unconsciously reached up, touching the tip of his nose. Being with Lukas always gave him that pleasant fluttery feeling, and it was stronger when they were close. Even the night he’d shown up at Jesse’s house, Jesse had wanted nothing more than to stay holding him forever.
He blinked, looking at his lap. That…wasn’t normal, was it? He’d never felt that with any of his other friends before. He liked being close to them, but they didn’t give him the same warmth in his cheeks or the butterflies in his stomach.
…Butterflies. That’s what it was, wasn’t it? It had to be.
“Everything okay, Jesse?” Harper asked, looking at him. “You got all quiet.”
“Yeah, just…thinking.” He glanced up, looking between them. His voice came out soft as he asked, “How did you know you were in love?”
Ivor raised an eyebrow. “Why do you ask?”
Jesse shrugged, feeling heat rise to his cheeks all of a sudden. He looked at the box of lemon bars, half-empty by now. “Just, um…just curious.”
“You’ve never been very good at lying, Jesse.” There was a hint of amusement in his tone.
“Oh, just tell him,” Harper said, nudging Ivor with her elbow and smiling. “Unless you want me to tell him what you were like.
“That won’t be necessary!”
“Actually…” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck, looking at them again. “Maybe it would help if you both told me what it felt like. Since, uh, since it’s different for everyone and all that.”
“Well, I suppose if that’s what you need,” Ivor muttered. “But only because it’s you, Jesse.”
Jesse resisted the urge to cheer. Getting Ivor to talk about his feelings was nearly impossible. He hugged a pillow to his chest, just for something to hold while he listened.
“To be honest, I’d nearly given up on love after the…less than ideal end of my previous relationship.” Ivor stroked his beard, looking a bit distant. Jesse knew he didn’t like to talk about it, so he didn’t press. “But when I met Harper, I was immediately intrigued. I needed to learn more about her.”
“Did you know it was love?” Jesse asked, holding the pillow a bit tighter.
“Not at first. But it became clear soon enough, since I couldn’t stop thinking about her.”
“He kept staring at me until I asked if he needed something,” Harper said, smiling. “I thought he was a little strange at first, but I grew to like that about him. Plus, he was always very sweet to me.”
Jesse hummed a little, taking a lemon bar as he thought. He wasn’t the biggest fan of lemon, but it was pretty good. The color reminded him of Lukas’ hair. Every little thing reminded him of Lukas, he realized. How hadn’t he noticed sooner?
“This is about that bakery boy, isn’t it?” Ivor asked, making Jesse nearly choke on his lemon bar.
He coughed, feeling his whole face burn. “What makes you say that?”
“You aren’t exactly subtle. It was obvious from the first time you spoke about him.”
Jesse buried his face in his hands. “I just…the stuff I’m feeling lines up with what you described. I can’t stop thinking about him and he makes me feel all floaty. I thought he was just cool, but now I don’t know. He’s really funny and pretty and sweet.”
Harper hummed slightly, resting a hand on Jesse’s shoulder. He peeked at her through the gaps in his fingers to see a small, gentle smile on her face.
“You don’t have to know right away. But it definitely seems like you like him,” she said.
“So…what do I do?” He lowered his hands and looked back at the box of lemon bars, thinking about Lukas and his pretty smile and his cute laugh and his soft hair. He thought of how quiet he’d been at home, clearly having some difficulty adjusting to the sudden change. Jesse didn’t want to push the delicate balance even further. Did Lukas even like him that way?
“Well, I think you should be honest.” Harper rubbed her thumb across Jesse’s shoulder. “But make sure to give him space, too. You don’t want to overwhelm him if he’s already under stress.”
“And be patient,” Ivor added. “You’ll know when the right time is.”
Jesse nodded, taking a breath. “Thanks, both of you.”
“Of course, honey. He clearly means a lot to you.” Harper squeezed his shoulder gently before letting go.
“And if his lemon bars are this good, he’s certainly someone you want to keep in your life.”
Jesse laughed a bit at that, grabbing another one. “If you think these are good, wait until you try his cookies.”
“Perhaps when we visit for the holidays,” Ivor mused, dusting crumbs out of his beard.
“Who knows, maybe you’ll have made your move by then,” Harper said with a smile. “It’ll be nice to meet him either way, though, especially if he’s as sweet as you say.”
“Like cookies,” Jesse said before he could stop himself. His face went red as Harper laughed. Even Ivor raised an eyebrow, an amused smile on his face.
“For your sake, I hope you tell him soon. You might say something like that to his face otherwise,” he said with a chuckle. “It would make for a very awkward conversation.”
Jesse couldn’t help but laugh along. As embarrassing as it all was, he still felt amazing. He was in love. He couldn’t believe it had taken him so long to realize.
The rest of his visit was spent making plans for Christmas. They did the same thing every year, but Ivor still liked to have a set schedule of times to arrive and leave. Jesse didn’t mind talking it over—it just made him even more excited for the holidays. He couldn’t wait to start decorating.
Eventually, Olivia came back to pick him up. He hugged his parents goodbye, promising to visit again soon. Ivor told him to bring more lemon bars, which he’d cheerfully agreed to. The more time he got to spend at the bakery, the better.
“You seem happy,” Olivia said as Jesse climbed into the front seat. “I take it you had a good time?”
He nodded, buckling his seatbelt. “A really good time. Everything is all worked out.”
Olivia hummed slightly as she pulled out of the driveway. “What else? You get excited after these visits, but something else happened. I can tell.”
“I realized something.” He smiled, looking out of the window as they drove. The sky was a pretty shade of blue. “I’m in love.”
“With Lukas?” she asked, not taking her eyes off of the road. Jesse turned from the window, looking at her in surprise. She laughed a bit. “I was wondering how long it would take you to realize.”
“How—?!”
“Jesse, the first thing you told us about him was that he was cute,“ she pointed out. “And that you got sweaty and couldn’t focus.”
His cheeks started to burn all over again. He looked down at his lap, twisting his suspender in his hands a little. “Well, am I wrong?”
“No,” Olivia said, glancing at him as they reached a stoplight. “Just dense.”
“So what, everyone knows I’ve been crushing on Lukas except me?” he asked. It certainly felt like it.
“Not everyone. I’m sure if Axel cared about that stuff he would’ve noticed, too, though.” She paused a bit, glancing at him again before driving off as the light turned green. “I don’t think Lukas knows, either.”
“Really?”
Olivia nodded. “He’s in his own world most of the time. He’s definitely more comfortable around you, but I don’t think he’s noticed. He probably has a lot on his mind.”
“Yeah,” Jesse murmured, his mind drifting back to the way Lukas had cried in his arms the night he came to the door. It had felt like something that had been building for a long time—what happened was just the last straw. “I’m sure he does.”
That just meant he would have to get to the bottom of it. The first step was to make extra sure Lukas felt comfortable living with them. Then Jesse could worry about how he was going to confess his feelings. He wanted it to be perfect.
His gaze drifted back to the pretty blue sky. The color reminded him of Lukas’ eyes and the way they lit up when he was happy. Jesse wanted to be the one to bring him that feeling.
He couldn’t stop a small smile from spreading across his face. Even if it had been obvious to nearly everyone else, the day’s realization still left him filled with a fuzzy warmth.
I’m in love.