Chapter Text
The Weretiger was soft. It felt warm. That's what Akutagawa could acknowledge in an instant. He drew the knuckles of his fingers in a continually motion up and down Atsushi's back as he slid his arms more compact around Atsushi's hips. Another thing Akutagawa could Acknowledge. That he was exhausted, he was when he woke up, he usually felt worn down, he barely averaged two hours of sleep -well, except for the most of the mission recently, he got a surprising amount of time to sleep; Atsushi went to bed early, and he went to bed with Atsushi. But his limbs felt unusually heavy and hard to move. Akutagawa was even half dazed when Atsushi offered to get him coffee or tea to try to help when he went down to the cafe. Akutagawa just mumbled back ‘yeah, stay safe, don't get yourself killed, love you.’ He gained a concerned weird look. He was barely awake when the Weretiger came back, only moving and using his energy to lay his head on Atsushi's lap and wrap his arms around his back before falling back to sleep.
He wasn't sure, but he thinks the detective was watching him, peering over the warm radiating hot chocolate in his hand. Akutagawa didn't mind.
“Ryuunoske,” Atsushi whispered, brushing his hair with his finger tips, “your tea is gonna get cold you know.” He stated.
Akutagawa hummed, pausing before he responded, just letting the moment sit in first before it would be broken. He sighed as he let his arms fall from Atsushi's back, his hands into the mattress as he pushed himself up leaning on his elbows as he grabbed the tea from the nightstand off to the side, slowly taking a sip as he leaned back to his previous position; all though, he dug his elbows into the bedding to keep his shoulders and torso suspended.
“I hope you don't mind the flavor, I think I heard you order it before so I supposed that could be good enough.” Atsushi commented, bringing his own mug to his lips.
“It is a sufficient flavor, Weretiger, don't fret over it.” Akutagawa replied as he stared down at the warm tea in his small cup, taking another sip.
Atsushi took a slow breath in as he nodded, taking a hold of his mug tight in his left hand to let his fingertips rest against the curve of Akutagawa's shoulder. He decided to hold his hand there, head falling with a soft thud back against the headrest of the hotel bed blinking up at that sickening friamilar beige plaster ceiling; the shapes and pictures Atsushi had drawn out engraved into his memory. Akutagawa stared up at the detective, the light was off but the curtains were open so the room wasn't dark. He found it to be a better lighting against the warm undertones of Atsushi's skin. But lightning really never entirely mattered to the Mafioso, he could still admire Atsushi even in the dark.
As his eyes lingered the Weretigers seemed to grow more sad, and he couldn't have that; Akutagawa reached up twirling his finger lightly around the long chop of hair that hung down by the Weretiger’s ear, just ever so slightly pulling at it. Atsushi winced slightly as the tuff of his hair was tugged on lightly.
Akutagawa's gaze was met by the Weretiger's own glare.
“I will bite you.” He grilled.
“If you ever so wish.” Akutagawa replied flatly back, only punctuating his sentence but tilting his head away from the hand on his shoulder, revealing the pale skin of his neck, “make us even, Weretiger.” He added.
“I hate you, My god, you're so blunt.” Atsushi choked.
“You're the one who stated you wished to bite me.” Akutagawa scoffed, tilting his head back into its previous position, “it seems I remain the most truthful and vow-true in this relationship.”
“I stick to my word all the time.” Atsushi countered.
“Perhaps, but,” Akutagawa began, raising his arm out to place his cup of tea down back on the nightstand, “out of the two of us, I remain the most vigilant in our oaths.” he said placing each of his hands on the weretiger's hips, feeling at the soft fluffy fabric of the knitted turtleneck he was wearing -one of Akutagawa's own articles of clothing, but it looked better on Atsushi.
Atsushi took one last sip of his own drink before setting his own cup down, propping himself up on his elbows. He was closer that way, Akutagawa inched forward just a bit as well.
“Where is your proof for that statement?” Atsushi asked, running his finger in circles in the curve of Akutagawa's waist.
Akutagawa lifted one hand to curl his finger under the collar of the turtle neck, hooking onto the necklace hidden behind the sweater, fishing it out, “example, I promised to give you the necklace if you're dumbass figured out what it resembled. I stayed true to that, even though you decided a different outcome. You, on the other hand, forgot about it repetitively.” Akutagawa verified, dropping the necklace visible out of the turtleneck, laying on display for him.
Atsushi rolled his eyes, “I was dying half of the time, give me slack.” He grumbled.
Akutagawa clicked his tongue, sighing, “excuses aren't necessary, Weretiger, I understand.” He replied, statement sarcastic, although tone lacking.
Atsushi knew him well enough to pick up the intention though, “You're not funny.” He deadpanned.
Akutagawa shrugged, pushing himself just ever so closer to Atsushi, closing his eyes as he pressed his forehead to the other's, “I find myself very humorous, on the contrary.” He shunned the detective's statement.
Atsushi sighed, his breath fanning across Akutagawa's cheek as it passed, “Shame, shame, you must lie to yourself. Maybe unintentionally you can be.” He argued back, tilting his head slightly.
Akutagawa paused for a bit, “I can't believe you're considered one of the nicer detectives there at your agency, you're awfully rude.” He replied, rubbing his thumb over Atsushi's hip.
“What do you mean? I'm an angel.” Atsushi counterclaimed.
Akutagawa hummed, “a wolf in sheep's clothing is what you are.” He replied, adjusting himself closer, closing both that space that grew strangled and his arms around Atsushi's hips. He felt Atsushi's small smile as their lips brushed, the other tilting his head to press a small kiss to his lips.
Atsushi pulled back, Akutagawa meeting his eyes, feeling the heavy gaze on him. He furrowed his brow after a while, waiting for an explanation through words or action from the other.
Atsushi only smiled back, running the back of his fingers up and down Akutagawa's waist, the Mafioso feeling fingers pause to reach under cloth to curl into the warmth of skin, the tiger's new favorite thing it seemed. Akutagawa didn't mind, he liked feeling the bare skin on his, knowing that his skin was that kind of comfort.
Atsushi leaned back into Akutagawa's space, rekindling that connection from seconds ago, prolonging this kiss longer. Akutagawa following as the detective took small separations for air.
With a small shift together, they ended up on their side, Atsushi removing his hands from Akutagawa's waist to hold his neck, thumb traveling his jaw.
Separation followed again, Atsushi lingering his eyes over Akutagawa. Akutagawa was still left struck with confusion and maybe a little frustration why Atsushi kept cutting off to stare at him.
“Is there a reason you keep just staring at me, Weretiger?” He asked.
Atsushi smiled, trailing the tips of his fingers down the mafioso's neck, “I'm very lucky.”
Akutagawa raised a brow, felling like this conversation was familiar, “How so..” he asked, genuinely, cause recently Atsushi had been having a terrible bad luck streak.
“Thank you,” Atsushi replied, not a firm answer.
“You've thanked me enough, Atsushi,” he replied, softer.
“Hmm,” Atsushi tilted his head, “Yeah… but I wanted to again. Thank you for being here with me.”
“That statement should be turned around.” Akutagawa muttered.
“I think it's fine the way it is,” Atsushi stated, tilting his and Akutagawa's head to give him a small peck on the cheek. Resting his head in the crook of Akutagawa's neck where his hand traveled away to his forearm. The soft feeling of Atsushi's breath leaving small bolts of electricity to burn his chest.
“Ryuunosuke,” Atsushi said, speaking just to feel the name in his mouth, it seemed.
“Atsushi,”Akutagawa replied.
Atsushi pressed his lips against Akutagawa's neck before lifting his head, “absolutely perfect.” Atsushi smiled as his hand traveled from Akutagawa's neck to the back of his head, fingers curling into short black hair.
“You say so.” Akutagawa scoffed. The space was brought to a close again. Akutagawa let himself drop down onto the mattress under his back, arm muscles straining to hold himself up in such an awkward position, pulling the detective down with him. The side of Atsushi's arm pressed against his shoulder, his other laying against his hip, while he pressed slightly flush over Akutagawa's ribs. Akutagawa wrapped his arms around Atsushi's neck as the weretiger smiled into the kiss.
There was a knocking on the door. Atsushi separated from Akutagawa, and the Mafioso wouldn't lie and say he didn't grumble and roll his eyes. Another knock called them to fully separate. Atsushi sighed, pressing a caste kiss to Akutagawa's temple before pushing himself up. Akutagawa let his arms collapse from Atsushi, dropping to the sides of his head as the detective stood up.
He turned his head to the window as Atsushi answered the door. Always getting interrupted. It was irritating.
He listened to Atsushi's voice as he held a conversation with Kunikida, he wasn't paying attention to the actual words forming. Because he didn't care really what Kunikida came to interrupt them about.
“Ry- Uh, Akutagawa, is that okay?” Atsushi suddenly called.
Akutagawa tore his eyes off the window startled by the sudden call for his name, he looked over to Atsushi, “What?”
“He wanted to discuss something about the hospitals, so I'd have to leave,” Atsushi restated.
“You don't have to ask me, you can do what you wish.” Akutagawa stated.
“Well then,” Kunikida cleared his throat.
“Okay, I'll just go grab some shoes before I go.” Atsushi said, walking back into the room. Atsushi met his eyes, a hint of apology in them. Akutagawa sighed, waving him off, as the weretiger turned into the bathroom. Once Atsushi was out of view his gaze shot to Kunikida in the doorway, glaring at him. Kunikida stood uncomfortable under the pressure of the glare, raising an eyebrow.
Atsushi came back into the room glancing at both of them as he walked up to Kunikida. Kunikida ripped his eyes from Akutagawa's, looking at his younger coworker, “You ready?” He asked.
Atsushi hummed and nodded his head, looking over to Akutagawa. Akutagawa met his eyes with the glare washed from his expression.
“Did I do something?” Kunikida asked.
Atsushi flushed slightly, “Huh? Oh uhhhhhh, no we were just in the middle of…. Having an important conversation.” He explained.
“Oh… my apologies.” Kunikida said, rubbing the back of his neck.
Atsushi sighed, “It's fine, we can finish our conversation when I get back.” he said glancing at Akutagawa, waiting for Kunikida before Atsushi turned to mouth ‘i love you’ before he disappeared with the man.
Akutagawa whispered the statement back as the door closed, leaving the room silent after his words. He stared up at the ceiling, the area around him now feeling stale. A cold chill rolled through the room.
That tiredness from earlier washed over him, his earlier energy seeming to escape him in a sigh. He glanced to his side, eyes falling on his delicate tea cup and Atsushi's hot chocolate mug pressed up close beside it. He rolled the upper part of his body over onto his stomach, reaching out one hand to his tea cup, garnering to finish it before he let himself debate whether to sleep or not.
He savored the last sip of the tea, letting the soft flavor sit in his mouth as he stared at the blue floral pattern encrusted on the floor inside the tea cup. He looked away, eyes falling on Atsushi's cup as he set the small tea cup down.
He wondered, reaching his hand out and picking it up taking a small sip. It wasn't a… terrible mix, but it's not something crazy so he put the cup back down. It was also far less sweet than the man's usual cups of chocolate or coffee -he couldn't ask Atsushi and admit that he had a habit of drinking some of whatever he would have on him when the tiger wasn't looking, he should really be more careful leaving his drinks unattended. So he'd have to guess that Atsushi complained about strong tastes being the number one cause of why his stomach would act up. He could reassuringly assume that was the reason.
He crashed back down, hiding his hands underneath the pillow away from the cold that began gnawing at the tips of his fingers. He was tired, deciding he should probably go to sleep, but the sun was glaring in the Mafioso's eyes. So he rolled onto his side, away from the window that he pulled the curtains tighter over with his ability through the cloth of his shirt. On that subject, he reached over to his coat laid on the other bed pulling his arms through the sleeves increasingly aware of the thin shirt on his back and the threat that posed. He laid back down, again, staring forward at the door.
He reached his hands up to his neck, his fingers pressing into the warmth that was there. He could feel his pulse under one of his fingers, his muscles expand as he breathed, the lifted scar curled around his neck like a collar under the pad of his also scarred fingers and palms.
He had already stated how he hated being left without anything to do. He might've been tired but that didn't keep his mind from racing. His mind always stuck to a running trail that always somehow led to Atsushi. Not that he wasn't entirely gone from Akutagawa's brain, always clinging to certain objects or words one way or another. The thought was about his neck, that he held, that previously was being held by a different pair of hands -although their search wasn't for the heat that Akutagawa's wanted.
And then It was the fact that Atsushi was always laying his head on Akutagawa's neck. He felt like that raised line along his neck could maybe be a factor as to why Atsushi had such a need to be close to and touch, feel his neck, hand always pausing over his pulse. Not that he minded, but he felt that Atsushi should realize it's not like he's going to start pouring blood again.
But Atsushi was also just generally close, they both were; very adjacent to previous more harsh interactions. Always touching: if in the presence of others, shoulders, or knees or hips pressed close, hands engraved into each other hidden under a table, a head on the shoulder if they really wanted to risk it.
Akutagawa had a thought: That maybe it could be because of the disease on the Weretiger’s part debating how clingy Gin would get sick. And Atsushi was sick, and actively going through the stages of death while alive. But that clingy nature they grew had begun its boil before the mission. Atsushi was the first to actually reach a hand out and place it on his back during an attack on his lungs. But Atsushi was always willing to touch him, even in some of their first partnerships. That's why Akutagawa could safely suppose that he was the first one that found comfort in the touch. Out of the two, Akutagawa longed for it first. But he didn't act on his thoughts, cause deep down he knew where they were surfacing from, and he loathed it. He had a guess that Atsushi was more clueless if that was his intention when he became increasingly close.
That contemplation took up a large chunk of Akutagawa's mind as his eyes began to drift down to the bed across from him, less focused on the object in front of them than his continued thoughts.
Of which, followed to their previous interactions. He still wanted Atsushi, his hand on his shoulder, traveling his side, the warmth of his arms against his back, face pressed against his neck. The air in the room was stale and cold when it was left alone, that factor was usually buzzed out when the two of them were clinging to each other’s small body heat. It grew uncomfortable, uneasy. Akutagawa didn't like being in a room with people but for some reason being left alone scared him from giving into the exhaust that clawed into his mind and body.
He let his hands slip from his neck, leaving the area vulnerable to the cold air left undefeated by the sucky thermostat. He covered his eyes with his palms. Because one, he still couldn't fall asleep because of the glaring sunlight, and two, because he wanted to hide in them. What has he come to, to be so brought down because Atsushi had to leave to go figure out stuff because he was dying from a disease without any stop to it yet? It was selfish if anything. He could only be disappointed in himself for the fact.
What was worse was that he, even knowing that, still wanted the Weretiger to hold off whatever it was to stay with him instead, to at least be able to go back to sleep without feeling like he had a knife pressed to his spine because of the unease.
He let out a sigh. His head was throbbing and everything felt weird around him.
What a debilitating disease love was.
-
“Ryuunosuke,” A delicate voice murmured. Akutagawa curled up closer in on himself. He wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep but his body wasn't ready to get back up. And his head was throbbing. His breath was ragged when he breathed in.
There was a sigh, he could feel a weight shift on the mattress he was on. A hand suddenly pressing against his forehead. Akutagawa flinched away from it. Instinct. Suddenly increasingly aware of the presence with him, in the same room, dangerously close. And that's what screamed him awake. Danger.
He opened his eyes and quickly raised Rashomon as he pushed himself up. He aimed it at the person.
Atsushi stared back at him, not even acknowledging the dangerous spike inches from his neck. He moved it back away like it was nothing, not that Akutagawa didn't drop the ability and his guard as his eyes landed on the Weretiger.
“Settle down, I'm not going to hurt you, you know this.” Atsushi whispered as he moved closer, holding his shoulder and pulling him closer as he placed the back of his hand to the Mafioso's forehead, sucking in his breath as concern flooded his expression, “You might have a fever, how are you feeling.”
Akutagawa leaned into the touch maybe a little too much because he pushed past Atsushi's hands, laying his face on his shoulder.
“Ryuunosuke?” Atsushi repeated.
Akutagawa didn't answer, letting his hands that felt clammy release from the fabric of his coat, wrapping his arms around the Weretiger's back.
Atsushi huffed, pressing his hand against Akutagawa's neck, “You're definitely warm” his fingers traveled, sitting over Akutagawa's scar, before slowly sliding to his pulse.
His hands were cold. Sanity returned to Akutagawa with worry. He pushed himself back from Atsushi.
Ignoring the way the light made his head drill and the blur of his vision, he grabbed Atsushi's hands, holding them to give warmth.
“Have…” his voice trailed, “Atsushi, have you taken your pills yet? How are you feeling? Your skin is cold.” He asked, voice flat and serious as he brushed his thumb down Atsushi's fingers.
Atsushi furrowed his brow, pulling his hands from Akutagawa's, placing them back on Akutagawa’s neck.
“I’m fine, I haven't taken them yet, I will, but you need to answer me first, how do you feel?” Atsushi asked.
Akutagawa stared at Atsushi. His beautiful pair of violet and gold, mixing in a way that would put any sunset to a shame it couldn't face. His eyes were beautiful. Atsushi was beautiful.
“My head hurts.” Akutagawa answered, closing his eyes, “it's nothing I haven't dealt with before, you don't need to dotte.”
Atsushi only frowned at that, “Lay down, I'll get you some Ibuprofen.” He said, pulling away.
Akutagawa laid down but didn't let Atsushi go, keeping him there, “Don't…” Don't go, he began but as the syllables began spilling, he quickly cut himself off. What was he doing? He didn't need to be so clingy, he was a Mafia assassin for God sake, he shouldn't beg for more than what he's been allowed to graciously been allowed to chew. He let his hand fall from Atsushi's sleeve.
“I'm getting you something for your head, I'll be right back, unless you have a serious reason against it, you're getting dotted on.” Atsushi said, pushing himself to his feet.
He wasn't long, like he said. He pulled the Mafioso up, handing him a cup of water and two small red tablets.
“You should take your pills as well, Weretiger.” He murmured as he let the two tablets drop into his mouth as he drank them down with the water. Coughing into his sleeve as he set the half empty cup on the nightstand.
“I will, in a bit, lay down, you look exhausted.”
“I am.” Akutagawa replied flatly, eyes motionless as he stared into Atsushi's, he felt sweaty and gross as well.
“Point proven, lay down, Ryuunosuke.” Atsushi said, motioning him to the bed.
“I've slept enough for the day, I need to get back into my schedule, as well, sleep is an overwhelming vulnerability.” He protested.
Atsushi furrowed his brow, “You've not said that for almost the whole time we've been here, is something going on?” shifting on the bed facing Akutagawa with his body as he pushed forward, closer.
Akutagawa looked at Atsushi's knee that bumped up against his thigh, Atsushi's fingers softly laying on top of his own. That was where he kept his gaze until he heard his name being called again. That's when he met eye contact with Atsushi again.
“Nothing, just running thoughts, I'm being melodramatic. It's the fever.” He answered.
Atsushi sighed, “you're so difficult, you won't be in danger, I'll watch out, like I usually do, cross my heart.” Lifting his hands to rest on Akutagawa's shoulder. Atsushi made a movement to lay down, only then did Akutagawa follow, Atsushi laying back pulling Akutagawa down with him to his chest.
Akutagawa pressed his face hidden in Atsushi's shoulder again, as Atsushi would move his arm from his back to his neck,finger tracing the muscle lining down the side of it.
“Is there any other issue besides a headache I should know about?” Atsushi asked.
“No,” Akutagawa replied, crossing his arms, “What did you and Kunikida talk about, anything important.” He asked, wanting to swerve the conversation from him. Being under a spotlight that might cause him to slip up was unnerving and an irritation.
“Not really, no, he really didn't need to come get me, I already knew everything he was telling me.” He sighed, voice becoming quieter, “I should've just stayed here.”
Akutagawa shifted uncomfortably, slightly pushing from Atsushi.
“its selfish, but I wished you would have as well.” Akutagawa replied.
“It's not like it was something important?” Atsushi denied, backing out slightly as well and pulling Akutagawa back by he shoulders.
Akutagawa stared back at Atsushi.
“It's indecently lacking independence.” he deadpanned.
“Then we're both lacking in that factor, cause I didn't want to go either, I wanted to stay here with you, or you to come with me.” Atsushi countered.
‘I would have, you should have asked me.”
Atsushi sighed, as he had his expression wash over with something like concern, “I might've wanted to but, you were exhausted, Ryuunosuke, you had the energy to be awake, and reply, but walking around would've depleted it. You needed to sleep, and I would've preferred you take care of yourself then follow me around because I wanted to still be with you.” He explained.
Akutagawa was quiet, watching Atsushi before he resolutely sighed, pressing a soft short kiss to Akutagawa's lips before pulling him back to his chest. With a reluctant resolution Akutagawa wrapped his arms around Atsushi's shoulder pressing his forehead to Atsushi's collar bone.
Atsushi bent his head down breath ruffling Akutagawa's hair as he ran brief finger tips running along the nape of his neck.
“Ryuunosuke,” Atsushi whispered, voice barely audible, “It's not weak or wrong to want to be a priority you know.” his voice softened.
The words hit strongly in Akutagawa's chest, ones he didn't want played. He hated realizations or knowing what his emotions meant. He had a fucking breakdown in a public restroom when he made the discovery that what he was feeling for Atsushi was love for fuck sake.
That was a very pathetic desperate moment. It was especially if Dazai was the one to try calling him down. Dazai of all people.
He trusts Atsushi, he would let him hold his pitiful but protected life in his hands in every moment, he was now, proximity was always a danger for Akutagawa.
But he hated having that vulnerability with even the walls around his home. The weakness of his emotions that came with bitter truths about himself disgusted him. He curled his fingers into the fabric of Atsushi's shirt, gideing his face in his neck.
“If you're scared to-” the Weretiger began again but Akutagawa placed a hand over his mouth, muffleing the rest.
“Don't,” he interrupted, “don't say it, I'm not ready to hear it.”
He knew he was scared, and he knew why, but he didn't want to face the reality yet.
He could feel the disappointed breath that left Atsushi's diaphragm against his own chest, but he petted Akutagawa's hair anyways. He felt his own chest burn, And Akutagawa couldn't tell if it was because of the cold air stabbing icicles into his already fragile lungs or the flint and steel spark that was Atsushi Nakajima. Either way, Akutagawa tried to ignore it. He clung closer to Atsushi.
“I know,” he began, “we can talk, just not now, just stay here, please.” He muttered out, the question feeling and sounding unlike him.
“I wasn't planning to leave.” Atsushi huffed fingertips ruffling the hair at the base of his skull. He would let the words settle in the air first. There wasn't harm in seeing what would happen after they were said. Only after Akutagawa fully sunk into Atsushi's embrace, exhaust, not a tired sleep one but just an overwhelming exhaust, weighed down over him in tons.
He really should have been expecting the knock on the door.
Atsushi looked over his shoulder at the door, the direction of the noise. Akutagawa could feel his eyes shift back onto him, but he didn't say anything, just loosened his hold on Atsushi's shirt before tightening it again.
It seemed Atsushi ignored the door, laying back down with Akutagawa. He pressed his hand against the Mafioso's cheek and hid his face in raven hair. It was only like that for a bit before the knocking began again.
It was Atsushi's turn to sigh as he began pushing himself up. Sliding his legs off the side of the bed. Akutagawa watched him do so, sitting up himself as the weretiger pulled his shoes back on.
His arms followed the protest of being left as he wrapped them around Atsushi's stomach curling his fingers over his shoulder and waist. He could feel the way the detective's shoulders slumped with a calm under his palm, and his breathing flush against his chest.
“Ryuunosuke..” he mumbled.
“A minute, don't go yet,” Akutagawa began, breath fanning across Atsushi's back, “just give me a second longer, Weretiger.” he pleaded quietly. He knew he was being unusually clingy, acting completely out of character. But in his gut it felt necessary, for that day. Something was off, and in the back of his mind he knew what.
Atsushi sighed, reaching up and threading his fingers through Akutagawa's own fingers grasping onto his shoulder. Momentarily Atsushi lifted Akutagawa's hand and the Mafioso could feel as lips pressed soft to the veins of his bare wrist.
The knocking on the door started up again. And Atsushi pulled his other shoe on, “Are you good enough for me to go now?” He asked.
Akutagawa hummed, pulling away, Atsushi's fingers slipping out of his own from a loose grip. He's really gone soft. It made him slightly disappointed in himself.
He stared at the joints and bones protruding in his hands and wrists, skin tightly stretched over them almost seeming to struggle as it thinned, not wanting to meet Atsushi's gaze. The weight the other added to the bed removed itself with Atsushi as he walked over to the door. Akutagawa could only pick up some of the conversation.
It was Ranpo this time around, “Took you long enough,”
“I could have not answered the door, I have a life and people I was talking to you know.” Atsushi retaliated, honestly Akutagawa was surprised to see his being harsh like that to other agency members -excluding Dazai.
“Yeah, okay, cool, not the point though. Why haven't you left? You were the one saying you wanted to get this done as soon as possible and now you're setting back?” Ranpo stated.
“I- not here,” Atsushi replied, shoving his way out the door. The rest of the conversation was a miss to Akutagawa as the door clicked shut. He slumped head lulling back against the headboard as he let his finger trace over the peaked bone in his wrist. Atsushi hadn't yet seemed to notice the malnourishment that clings to Akutagawa, he probably would if it wasn't for bigger things -dying and being in constant pain- on his mind. He wrapped his hand around where and what he could see of his wrist, diverting his eyes to the side.
Two cups entered his vision. One empty the other about that.
He still felt worn down, but he didn't want to sleep, not alone. He supposed he should make use of himself; he slid his legs off the side of the bed, slipping his fingers through the handle of the tea cup, tightened his coat around his shoulders, a target still feeling painted on his back.
He entered the hallway. Empty and cold. He wouldn't pay it mind, it was fine that way. The cafe itself was warm, well warm-er, there weren't many present that day, most people didn't seem to stay at the hotel anyways, only about one or two other groups stayed for a few days apart from them. So being understaffed probably wasn't much of an issue for the hotel. He walked up to the counter where one of the waitresses were restocking coffee grain.
He set the cup down and she glanced back giving him a piece of gratitude that he replied to with a nod. He left before any other conversation that he didn't want to have, got started. As to where he went after was a mystery, he glanced outside but it looked far too cold and he didn't want to leave Atsushi unsupervised if he went back to the room. Next option of the lounge and reading one of their dusty coughing attack worth book was interrupted by his name being called.
Akutagawa turned around and met eyes with Chuuya’s as the other began down the stairs.
He didn't reply.
“What are you doing down here? I swear, you never come out of that hobbit hole of yours and the tiger kids.” he joked.
“There's nothing else to do, and he needs to be monitored so he's not rebreaking his arm again,” or having a mental breakdown on the floor like last time. But that's not something he would share. It would stay between them if Atsushi wished it to.
“Okay… well, what are you doing now?” Chuuya began.
“I… don't know.” Akutagawa answered.
Chuuya hummed linking his arm around Akutagawa's, not for long before Akutagawa pulled his arm free but followed the executive anyways, “I see, I see, do you want to talk?” Chuuya asked as he began up the stairs again.
“Not particularly.” Akutagawa followed after him.
“Okay. Well. We're going to anyways.” Akutagawa already knew that though.
“Whatever.”
Chuuya cleared his throat as he began, “well, let see, what first… how was the mission?” He asked, despite seeing the aftermath of it when Akutagawa came in to see Atsushi.
“People shouldn't build tight compact rooms with windows.” He replied.
“...okay, another question then, are you taking care of yourself?” Chuuya diverted.
“I'm not not trying.”
Chuuya sighed, “okay, then what about Atsushi, how's that going?”
Akutagawa gave him a blank stare, “it sounds like you're pretending you don't know about us, you watched us kiss not only a few days ago.”
“Listen, I was still a little set back on your boyfriend suddenly clawing his leg and then speaking crazy talk,” Chuuya put his hands up in defence, “aside from that, you both promised to give updates, but I'm still clueless how you two even gained the courage.”
“Take a guess”
“Atsushi almost died so you confessed to him because you realized what you almost lost.” Chuuya actually truly did guess.
“N-” Akutagawa began before giving Chuuya a weird look, “...No, Atsushi decided to let me know how he loves me right before deciding to let himself get crushed by a building.” Akutagawa corrected.
“Oh damn” Chuuya blinked, raising a hand to pat Akutagawa on the back that was slapped away, “Around the same time, tho, I was close.” Chuuya shrugged, “and how's that going? everything going good in paradise?”
“Yes, everything is fine, for the most part, “ Akutagawa replied.
“For the most part?” Chuuya mused.
“Yes, there aren't any issues between us, just difficult times in general.” Akutagawa scowled at the man.
“I see, still in the honeymoon stage,” Chuuya said, raising his hand to pat Akutagawa on the back before, once again, getting it smacked away.
“We're not married, and besides it's not like we don't have our issues, we are people.” Akutagawa replied, crossing his arms and wearily keeping an eye on Chuuya’s arm.
He smiled and shook his head, “You two are so adorable.” The older, despite his shorter frame, of the two scoffed. Not a scoff that was demeaning or sarcastic, but something almost like brotherly admiration.
Akutagawa shouldn't have left his room. Maybe sleep was a better idea. Getting attacked by a murder of crows in his sleep or something might be better than having to witness the weird proud grin on the red head's face.
“How's his leg?” Chuuya asked, voice slightly more serious.
“Better, the disease has been less rampant recently so his ability seems to have more lee-way.” Akutagawa replied, watching his feet as the two of them came to a stop. He looked up and raised a brow to the executive.
“This is where we depart. I have a feeling that a certain suicidal maniac is up to something.” Chuuya sighed.
Akutagawa wished him luck as Chuuya departed, turning around.
The hallway quickly fell empty and quiet the second its population dwindled to just one Akutagawa. Presumably Akutagawa found himself led back to his room, or he'd decided to suck it up and go to sleep and walk back there. Either way he covered the window with the spare bed sheet (in other words, the one on the bed that quite soon lost its occupant, Atsushi, for the favor of a more comfortable bed, Akutagawa's, even though both beds were actually his anyway. Atsushi slept in the one with the Mafioso). Hidden in the dark without appalling sunlight, Akutagawa stared up at a ceiling till his body would go to sleep. Enervation became reduced paired beside Insomnia. But he'd managed.
-
Two things Akutagawa could Acknowledge, (again).
One, is that it was the second time that day he'd woken up from irritating amateur naps practically to Atsushi. He was folding clothes, not many, and putting them in a bag. Akutagawa wanted to ask, but at the same time he found no reason to. So he just sat up and watched the Weretriger.
Two, when Atsushi turned and spotted Akutagawa awake he gave him a warm smile. Because the weretiger was warm, he didn't need skin to skin contact to feel that. The detective crossed over to the bed, abandoning an already zipped bag. He sat on the edge of the bed leaning on his hands that he placed across Akutagawa's lap on the other side of his legs, barely pressed close to his thigh.
“You've woken up.” Atsushi smiled.
“Obviously, my body doesn't wish to sleep, it seems.” Akutagawa replied dully.
Atsushi huffed out a laugh, moving his other hand to smooth out the folds I'm Akutagawa's pants near his knee, “Are you still tired?” He asked, slightly concerned.
Akutagawa hummed before he shook his head, “No, Not particularly, for now at least.”
“Mhm… well, I'm glad you woke back up.” Atsushi stated, eyes cascading to watching his finger trace over a smooth fold.
Akutagawa glanced at the bag that Atsushi was attending to before, nerves curling in his gut.
“Why is that?” He questioned.
That soft round eyed gaze met his own again, “because, I've noticed, regrettably, as your partner I've been neglecting you.”
A pause.
“Further your claim?” Akutagawa said, a frown curling onto his lips.
“While you have been glued to my hip patiently helping me through all my issues, I haven't given much back. You've taken care of me, but I have done little to take care of you. When you've wanted something you've been pulled away from it, because either I got worse, or couldn't. I shouldn't be the only one receiving in this relationship.” Atsushi explained.
And looking in it seemed true, but Akutagawa would say otherwise. Because Atsushi did try his best, and Akutagawa considered Being wanted and loved back plenty. He liked being reliable, being able to take care of those he loved, it made him propose. He liked taking care of Atsushi. And Atsushi never failed to show his gratitude.
“In sickness or in health’, aren't I supposed to be by your side helping you, as your lover? I would wish so.” Akutagawa replied, reaching his hands out to Atsushi's, his palm soft against the scared pads of long fingers.
“That's vows for married couples, Ryuunosuke.” Atsushi replied.
“Who says I can't live by them, even if we aren't married or anything like that, I could still love you like a husband.” Akutagawa retorted, statement sure and unchanging.
Pink dusted over Atsushi's cheeks, “I do suppose, there's isn't anything wrong with that. But the issue still stands that I haven't been giving you back the same amount of love that you both deserve and I feel, I've been distracted.” He squeezed Akutagawa's hand back, “Today was a good day, I didn't have to deal with much but the cold, today my plan was to stay with you, repay you how ever you wanted, but I kept getting pulled away.”
“There's no issue with you leaving to go do important stuff Atsushi, you don't have to repay me in any way.”
Atsushi shook his head, “I want to, And I know you've wanted me and my attention all day, I'm scared of being alone, and as you said, so are you, but I've been leaving you to yourself without consideration.” Atsushi argued back, “I wanted to spend this day with you, but we barely were together at all today, it's night now.”
Akutagawa had a feeling through most of the day. He refused to acknowledge it. Because the truth scared him.
“You're going to leave me soon, aren't you, Atsushi.” Akutagawa stated.
Atsushi's eyes widened momentarily, “Yes, soon, it will be temporarily.” he replied, running the tip of his nail along the pale pearl knuckles underneath them.
“Will you be safe?” Akutagawa asked.
Atsushi was quiet.
“Okay, fine, but if you get hurt, please don't wait to come get me.” Akutagawa replied, “Don't be gone too long. I struggle to sleep.”
“Of course, The second I can you will be the first I speak to,” Atsushi nodded.
“When do you need to go?” Akutagawa queried.
“Soon.” Atsushi answered.
“Okay, well then, the night had only just begun. You can spend it with me till you must leave if that's what you wish.” it was a suggestion, and Akutagawa wouldn't mind, they always spent the night together if you considered. But they would crash the second held bodies for the mattress. Maybe a kiss or two, small things alike. It was only recently that the two of them began taking time out of the day to spend together, actually together, not just in the same room/bed taking greedy glances or issues relating to diseases. It's not like Akutagawa would push away Atsushi.
The detective nipped at his bottom lip with his teeth. Something that Akutagawa would reach his hand out brushing his thumb along Atsushi's lip to distract him to stop.
“You're going to hurt yourself doing that, you know. It will split your lip.” he said, letting his hand fall to curl around Atsushi's.
“Habit.” Atsushi muttered back.
“I'm aware,” Akutagawa nodded his head.
Atsushi raised his head, his hands following as they took their designated place on each side of Akutagawa's jaw, cradling soft and gentle as he spoke, “Are you sure? Are you certain that that is all you want?”
Akutagawa let out a breath, “Weretiger, we have our whole lives, I will settle fine with this for the day.”
Atsushi held his breath, seconds holding silence between them, then he inched forward pulling Akutagawa into his space, “okay,” he simply said before he let the curve of Akutagawa's lips meet his own. Soft, wanting but not greedy.
Akutagawa let Atsushi's hands move from his cheeks, delicate fingers trailing sparks like electricity down his neck, softly over his pulse and arms, falling on his fingers.
Akutagawa wondered if the door was locked, hoping that despite the time, nothing came to take Atsushi from him. He wanted to fall asleep with Atsushi beside him at least.
The only sound that remained was a soft wind and the shift of Atsushi's sleeve against the fabric of Akutagawa's shirt. Atsushi was warm, even if he wasn't, he always remained a growth of warmth to Akutagawa. Warm fingers drew small circles over the skin pulled over his ribs and knuckles.
With arms curled around his neck, Atsushi shifted, Akutagawa could feel the light pressure of Atsushi's thigh rest over the top of his own as he slipped over to Akutagawa's other side. Pressing every ounce of separation away. He tightened his arms around the detective the second the beat of Atsushi's heart pressed against his own chest synchronized his own to a rapid melody.
Atsushi smiled into the kiss, he always had, and he muttered something against Akutagawa's lips but it was jambled. The Weretiger didn't mind enough to correct himself. Akutagawa didn't either, he found Atsushi's love curled voice just enough.
Akutagawa remained the one that ended up with the back of his head pressed against the pillow, Atsushi laying across his chest, fingers brushing through his hair and over his collarbone as he spoke sweetly and softly to him. Akutagawa laid after the previous wear on his bones returned; his eyes felt heavy, so he closed them, choosing to instead focus on the breath fanning along his neck, and voice speaking to him, their entangled legs.
Atsushi lifted up and Akutagawa blinked his eyes open, “Weretiger?” He muttered.
“Hm?” Atsushi replied. Atsushi leaned over Akutagawa, he hadn't left, elbows carving into the mattress beside Akutagawa's head as he ran his fingers through his hair.
Akutagawa found himself staring at beauty again, beauty pressed hips to hips, stomachs to stomach, ribs to ribs, allowed to lay over him legs tangled between his own letting fingers that could sharpen instantly and cut his throat cascade through his hair without worry. A dangerous beauty that he gives every inch of himself despite it because he could trust that that danger wouldn't be inflicted on him.
Atsushi leaned down pressing a soft kiss to his lips and along his jaw and neck. And Akutagawa titled his head, baring his neck to a mouth he himself had witnessed grew fangs and he lifted his own hands to cradle Atsushi's jaw.
“Weretiger.” He called as he let his heavy eyes fall shut.
“Ryuunosuke.” Atsushi muttered back voice delicate as it reached across Akutagawa's skin.
“Before you leave, tell me farewell by a kiss, and when you come back, greet me with another,” he asked.
Atsushi paused for a second as he leaned back over the Mafioso, “of course, it's a promise.” He said as he pressed his lips to Akutagawa's. And Akutagawa let his hands chase to Atsushi's neck, his finger tracing over his jaw. Atsushi allowed him a taste into his mouth, and Akutagawa brushed his tongue along the canines of Atsushi's teeth, which could turn to piercing fangs but he knew wouldn't.
The kiss would end as Akutagawa's hands began falling limp as sleep began washing over him. Atsushi would continue leaning over him, hands in his hair.
“Goodnight, Ryuunosuke.” He whispered, pressing one last soft kiss on Akutagawa's lips and cheek as Akutagawa let that sleep take him whole. Falling asleep as he wished, with Atsushi beside him. And he was glad. Because deep down he knew. When he would wake up.
It would be alone.