Chapter Text
Sunny opened his eyes for what felt like the first time in 4 years. It might as well have been, he's been alive these last 4 years but he wasn't “living” only acting on autopilot. Mindless repetition was the only driving force in his life. At first he was a little fearful for he thought he was still in White Space, but although this room was definitely a ‘white space” it was not the lifeless room devoid of character and warmth like he's so acquainted with.
His memories, all of them at least to his knowledge, began to come back to him in small snippets. Most vividly he remembered his sister and her death. His recollection left him with one startling realization: Mari is dead. His big sister, the one who always protected him and even saved his life-the big sister who soothed his nightmares away with quiet lullabies when he was young, the same sister who encouraged him and loved him unconditionally despite him being a miserable excuse for a brother.
The same sister he murdered.
Sunny noticed his eyes start to moisten as unbidden tears began to permeate their corners. That moisture soon turned into a torrential downpour as he felt every emotion he suppressed come forth. The grief of losing his sister hit him in its entirety and finality and he wept piteously. When she passed originally he never dealt fully with the reality of that situation let alone come to terms with his grief. At that point he'd already been disassociating quite frequently. After what felt like ages he finally found himself starting to wind down the torrential tears having trickled down to sniffles, but all the same, it still left him with that hollow feeling, an emptiness that felt strangely and somehow physically painful.
Another ugly emotion came coupled with his grief; guilt. Only instead of a dull pang that was sooner forgotten; it was a full on ache. That feeling and the terrible truth that it held needed to be released. His friends…he'd let them live with that horrible feeling of crippling guilt for years, well he just kept to himself.
The small albeit RATIONAL part of his brain, told him that it wasn't entirely his fault. He must've been suffering from some form of Dissociative Amnesia because he didn't “just forget” he completely BLOCKED OUT every trace of the truth from his conscious mind, also given his reaction to anything pertaining to the truth, which usually led to violent panic attacks he probably had some form of PTSD.
People just don't immediately forget traumatic life altering events. Be that as if may, that pesky rational part of himself couldn't really excuse what he'd done to his sister as anything else but exactly what it was: Murder. Accident or not it was still murder. It was completely senseless what eventually led up to her murder it was just a stupid argument and like most things it was all his fault.
Just because he was a sniveling little piece of shit who couldn't handle the slightest bit of hard work. As the events of that night 4 years ago began to assault his mind he slips into sleep.