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Language:
English
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Published:
2024-03-06
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552
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1/1
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8
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14
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(Literal) World Of Pure Imagination

Summary:

Disclaimer: This is about the characters, not the actors, who did a brilliant job trying to bring some light into a bad situation.

“Excited children flocked to see this miracle of marzipan. The jewel in the cocoa crown. And, of course, the very man himself; Willy No-Surname-For-Legal-Reasons.”

A fairytale style retelling of the events of the Glasgow Willy Wonka Incident, with a little creative license.

Work Text:

Once upon a time, in a far away land known as Glasgow, there was a magical warehouse. A warehouse full of dazzling creations so unbelievable the human eye was rendered useless, unable to see these wondrous sights because they were all, in fact, generated by an equally magical thing known as Chat GPT. 

In this (literal) world of pure imagination lived many characters, some known, some…Unknown. One of whom was, in fact, The Unknown. A strange being, living in the walls of Willy’s chocolate factory. 

Now, this Willy character may seem familiar to you, with his fabulous confectionary creations, but rest assured, my dear child, that this is a mere figurement of your imagination. This land of creativity is heavily restricted by copyright laws and budgeting issues, so for the sake of the legal team, everything I describe here today you may recognise, you have never heard of. 

Regardless, this creature, an evil chocolate maker, was once an employee of Willy’s chocolate factory. For many years, he crept around, his brain full of opinions that nobody would listen to.

“You should probably stop committing tax evasion, Willy.”

“Seriously, don’t open the factory to the public without doing a full risk assessment, Willy.”

“Are you sure we should only hand out one quarter of a cup of lemonade and a single jellybean? We’re a multi-million pound chocolate company. Surely we can afford to do better?” 

Frustrated, Willy condemned this self-proclaimed “Employee of the Month” to live in the walls forevermore, wandering the maze of corridors with distant cries of, “I don’t think this is legal! And by the way, making geese lay golden eggs is really unethical!” 

These were quickly coughed over during factory and welfare inspections. 
Nothing some good old denial can’t fix! 

Many years later, Willy opened what became of his chocolate factory to the public once more. Excited children flocked to see this miracle of marzipan. The jewel in the cocoa crown. And, of course, the very man himself; Willy No-Surname-For-Legal-Reasons. 

Instead of the promised otherworldly experience, the children were greeted with a terrible sight. A single, overworked Oompa Loompa (the only one willing to work such long hours for such terrible pay) stood waiting to hand out singular jellybeans and quarter cups of lemonade. 

From behind his mirror, The Unknown watched, shaking his head. If only Willy had listened! If only he’d stopped and thought for a moment “Perhaps I should have put more thought into it.” But no. Nobody listens to The Unknown, and even if they wanted to, they couldn’t hear him over the sound of children screaming. 

When, at last, the police arrived, they took one look at Willy’s Food Hygiene Rating and closed down his whole business, including this delightful little place in Glasgow. 

In an attempt to pay back the large amounts of debt Willy now finds himself in, legend has it he now runs a boating company off the coast of Scotland entitled “Willy’s Whale Watching.” 

Let’s just hope he hasn’t partnered with OceanGate…or we may be finding ourselves back here very soon indeed… 

That was a nice fairy story, wasn’t it? Goodnight, and don’t let The Unknown bite! 

(Seriously, don’t let The Unknown bite. He used the money from the HR Lawsuit to get some fresh veneers abroad…) 

 

The End.